#i just realised ive been adding the wrong tag

[scott-barringerr]

Hand in mine, into your ice blues

- 🌙

Someone told me to get brown contacts

[tonydaddingham]

the reading comprehension on this godforsaken website is genuinely insane. it's such shit ppl went after you for responding. fwiw you singlehandedly restored my faith in the GO fandom a little while back, some of the only well thought-out takes for miles (til i started clicking on the reblogs n found more). there was nothing wrong with defending yourself from people who didn't even read the meta. for something you put this much effort into, it'd be weirder not to be defensive

ive sat on the whole thing over the last dozen or so hours now, with a good mixture of upset, anger, some kind of numbness, and incredible amounts of anxiety. i posted that response out of the second; i was really angry, and i flew off the handle. whilst i don't appreciate being told by the other anon that i shouldn't be so attached/shouldn't have been so upset, they have a point, and were right to highlight (intentionally or not) at the very least that that is the root of the problem. i likened the fiasco to some secondary school bullshit, but i didn't realise - or want to acknowledge - that that applied to me too. the whole thing has reawakened ancient history that i thought i had gotten over years ago - more than a decade ago, even - and it very much turns out that that isn't the case, and was simply buried. the uncomfortable thing i also ran into is that the incident has made me re-examine myself with a little more, and definitely overdue, scrutiny - the post attacked at what i now think was my ego, and my over-confidence, and sense of entitlement. that's so uncomfortable to admit, but here we are.

i don't mind people disagreeing with me, but i still stand firm that i don't think sending an ask ridiculing someone, or adding tags that equally can be interpreted as being plain unkind, is a nice thing to do. it's shit - i felt humiliated, and self-conscious in a fandom that until this point, for all my controversial takes 😂 - had made me feel that i had a space to share them, and whilst may not be agreed with, would still be valued by nature of them belonging to a person. i have no doubt that everything on that post wasn't at all personal, but it still felt that what i had spent a lot of time, excitement, and joy writing was worthy of being laughed at, as if i were stupid for writing it (let me be clear - idc if people think the original post and the take within it is wrong, that's absolutely fair enough). it then called into question - what else have people been nice to me about, politely interacting with me about, and yet elsewhere those same people are being horrible about it?

that line of overthinking is entirely my issue, that's noone else's fault, but i do think that had these people just simply kept their opinion to a DM, or somewhere else where the original poster is unlikely/not going to see it, it might have all been avoided. people are entitled to share their opinion, i have no issues with that fact, but it can have consequences... just like the consequences of me rb'ing it once the anger had set in, and i ceased to think rationally. i am sorry that i reacted out of anger, without much - if any - rational thought; that it was bitchy as fuck, and - without the maelstrom of emotion attached to it, as it was from my perspective - it was objectively uncalled for. im embarrassed i reacted like that, and im aware that its only served to make me come across as even more ridiculous than the original post ever could 😂 but i want to settle in with what this has brought up, especially the shitty stuff that i thought i had long gotten over, and look at why i reacted the way i did - i think i was right to defend myself, but perhaps not in the way that i did.

as a separate note, and just really as a PSA to anyone waiting on me in my ask box or has sent me messages - im going to halt on posting any original posts/asks for a while (knowing me, because i can't help myself, a 'while' will probably be like a day). that's in part because im shitting bricks about posting anything in general (this ask response included), but also because - like i said before - i don't want to continue posting stuff when im now wondering how much is coming from a less-than-humble place - im worried that it's a lot more than i ever thought, which is vulnerable, but that's how it goes.

[margowritesthings]

Good Girl (pt. 1)

pairing: Arthur Morgan x fem!reader

word count: 752

warnings: suggestive, the explicit stuff will come in part 2!, death of a snake, shameless praise kink

a/n: ummmm yeah this is totally because of this video and I'm not even sorry. Ive been in a bit of a block so I thought just a lil drabble about Arthur would help!! Its gotten away from me a bit lol it's turning into a full blown thing but I'm out of my block yay!! as always thank you all for the lovely support and kind words on my work, it means the world <3

tagging: @musicallisto (i can't find the rest of my taglist!! i'm so sorry- please do drop me a message if you'd like to be added)

You spot the predator moments before Arthur does and seconds before his horse, but it is just too late. The snake hisses, Belle rears, and you’re forced to grip onto Arthur’s waist with enough force to surely bruise him. All the air is knocked from your lungs as your back hits the grass and you brace yourself for the weight of Arthur landing on top of you. You wince, but the second wave of impact never arrives, Arthur somehow managing to divert his fall to right beside you.

“Goddamn!” He curses, quickly rolling over in a panic to check you over, his large, calloused hands holding your cheeks as his eyes roamed over your features. “You alright?”

You just about manage to nod through his firm, concern-fuelled grip as the pain in your back begins to subside, “I’m fine. It was just a shock.” 

As soon as he knows you’re okay, Arthur turns his attention to Belle, the stunning white mare he loves most in the world (second only to you, of course). She is spooked, bucking and squealing as the serpent on the floor slides ever closer. Arthur is quick to throw the knife down, expertly hitting the poor thing in the head. A shudder runs down your spine as you watch the life leave its body, managing to identify it by the shape of its head as a highly venomous viper. Close call. 

The impact of your fall is still ringing in your ears, so you watch from the ground as Arthur holds his gloved hands up, slowly approaching the steed. His voice is low and gruff as he speaks to her, bravely stepping forwards, never faltering in his steady pace. “Easy girl, you’re alright…”

Belle begins to calm, allowing Arthur close enough to reach out and pat her gently on the neck. She softly neighs, almost nuzzling Arthur protectively. It’s a sight to behold, enough to warm your heart wonderfully. 

“Good girl.”

…oh.

The beating of your heart, originally from the sweetness of the moment, quickens and travels down, past your belly and manifests into being able to feel your pulse between your legs. 

Oh god.

You feel downright wanton, practically panting as you watch Arthur’s tanned hands gently caressing Belle’s neck and only seem to be able to picture them all over you while he whispers sweet praises. Is it weird to feel jealous of a damn horse? It feels so wrong and you’re almost certain your cheeks have become flourished with the deepest crimson but by God do you want to hear him say that to you. You always did love how kind Arthur was to animals, but what you’d just witnessed seemed to have unlocked some carnal need you certainly hadn’t expected to realise when you woke up this morning. 

“You sure you’re alright, darlin’? You ain’t hurt?” Arthur’s brows are pulled together when you drag your gaze from his fingers to his face. His features are saturated with worry and you can’t blame him when you realise you’re still sitting in the dusty mud, mouth agape and eyes wider than plates. You don’t even know how much time has passed, but considering how sedate Belle is, it must have been a while. 

A hand is extended towards you and you take it, letting Arthur pull you to your feet as you nod, “I’m good. Really. Just… flustered.” You reply honestly, though Arthur seems to think nothing of it as his hands grip your hips, helping you onto the saddle. Not that you need the help, but he’s ever the gentleman and you’re pretty sure he likes the excuse to hold you, even if just for a moment. 

There isn’t a verbal agreement that you’re switching places, but when you feel Arthur’s hard chest against your back and his arms snake around your waist, you instinctively shuffle into him and grab onto the reins.

“Shouldn’t be too long before we’re home now, I'll keep watch for any more snakes.” His breath tickles your neck, sending a shiver down your spine and not at all helping extinguish your growing arousal. You nod, nuzzling into him for just long enough for him to pick up on the silent request for a quick kiss on the cheek. It’s not nearly enough, but it’ll have to do for now. You kick your foot against Belle’s side and she sets off into a canter almost instantly, now seemingly feeling herself again. 

“Atta girl.” Damn, it’s going to be a long ride.

part 2

[bibbawrites]

Made Your Mark On Me, a Golden Tattoo - Single Dad!Charlie x Owen

THIS IS PART 10 OF THE SINGLE DAD!CHARLIE SERIES, YOU CAN FIND THE OTHER PARTS HERE

Request: none

Word Count: 3760 words

Summary: Part 10 of Single Dad!Charlie, Owen comes to LA to stay with Charlie, Margaux and Meghan, and the boys go on their first date

Warnings: swearing, sexual references, implied sexual content pretty sure everyone knows at this point but this does include romantic chowen, remember this is fictional, if you dont like that just dont read :)

A/N: another day another part lol, i have far too much written for this series considering there is no demand for it but i’m enjoying it so i’m gonna keep writing purely just for @happinessinthedarkesttimes​ and myself lol also! a new nickname for margaux has been unlocked haha she has far too many cause every person keeps giving her their own nickname and ive lost count of how many there are... anyways, enjoy! 

Tag List:  @happinessinthedarkesttimes @molinaroberts @joynersgoatblog @courageous-she​ @littlemissaddict @gloomybrieyxb​ @itsyagorlemmalyn @jatpxmultifan​ @moneybagmgk​ @emeliii1​ @mybradforddream​ (the strike through means it wont let me tag you)

Char sent a message to OPJ

Char owweeeennnnnnnnnnn

Char come to la

OPJ why?

Char i miss you

Char wanna kiss your pretty face

Char and your pretty lips

Char and your pretty 🍆

OPJ charlieeeeeee

Char what? i did nothing wrong

OPJ you just said you wanna suck my dick

Char i never said such a thing

Char read the messages, i only said i would like to kiss your pretty face and your pretty lips and your pretty 🍆

OPJ and we all know what that emoji means

Char get your head out of the gutter honestly

Char maybe i just love eggplant

OPJ ugh whatever

Char so will you?

OPJ will i what?

Char come to la

Char we’ve been officially boyfriends for almost three months and we haven’t even had our first date yet

OPJ when do you want me

Char right now

OPJ that’s not possible bub

Char bub?

OPJ trying something, yes or no?

Char meh i don’t hate it

OPJ i’ll keep looking then

Char anyways, i booked you a flight...

OPJ char you didn’t have to

Char i know i’m just so desperate to see you

OPJ what time and day?

Char ...

Char today 3pm...

OPJ it’s 11am now

Char you better get packing

OPJ already am 

Char oh i know you are ;)

OPJ i didnt mean it like that and you know it

OPJ you’re gonna be the death of me Gillespie

Char i know ❤️

-

The second Charlie spotted Owen exiting the gate he was jumping into the blond’s arms, glad that they both had masks on to prevent him from kissing Owen senseless with hundreds of people around.

“God I missed you.” He muttered, face pressed into Owen’s neck. 

“I missed you more.” Owen replied, pulling back slightly. “Where’s Maggie?”

“With Meghan. She’s visiting for a little bit so she offered to look after her while I came to get you.” Charlie explained, grabbing Owen’s carry on as they headed through the airport to baggage claim. 

“Is she staying with you?” Owen asked. 

“She is, but I may or may not have booked the four of us into a hotel for a few days. She leaves on Thursday so if you wanna stay after that we’ll just go back to my place.” Charlie said. 

“We’re staying in a hotel?” Owen grinned, coming to a stop at the baggage carousel, his eyes focused on looking for his suitcase. 

“Yeah! Mags is pumped, she loves hotels, especially high rise ones. We’re going back to mine to collect the two of them then we’ll head there.” Charlie said

“Does Meghan know about...” Owen trailed off, glancing over at Charlie who shook his head. 

“I didn’t tell her, I wanted to find out what you wanted to do first.” Charlie replied. Owen smiled. 

“I’m okay with telling her.” He said. 

“Or maybe we just act like a couple around her and see how long it takes her to notice.” Charlie suggested and Owen shook his head. 

“You’re evil.” He spotted his bag, leaving Charlie’s side for a few moments before coming back over, his suitcase trailing behind him. 

“Don’t think it will take long, cause the second that front door shuts behind us I’m gonna be all over you.” Charlie grinned, taking Owen’s free hand once the younger boy was back by his side, leading him out of the airport. Owen blushed slightly. 

“Can’t wait.”

-

True to his word, the second that the door was shut Charlie was shoving Owen against the wall and kissing him with so much force that he thought his lips might bleed.

“Fuck, missed you so much.” Charlie mumbled against Owen’s lips, groaning when Owen’s fingers dug into his hips.

“Char...” Owen gasped out and Charlie just kissed him harder, wanting to make up for lost time.

“When you’re done trying to swallow each other, we’re in the kitchen.” Meghan’s voice called and Charlie groaned, stepping back from Owen. He didn’t want to stop, but he knew if they kept going they wouldn’t be able to.

“We should go to them.” He said, and Owen nodded, still slightly stunned from the aggression of the kiss.

“Probably.” He agreed, but neither of them made any attempt to move, so Charlie nuzzled his face into Owen’s neck, just taking in the familiar scent of his boyfriend. 

“This hotel, how is the room situation going?” Owen asked, his hand trailing through Charlie’s hair. Charlie lifted his head up.

“I booked a two bedroom suite. Margaux and Meghan can share one room and we’ll take the other.” He said. Owen smiled. 

“Okay good.” He replied. Charlie raised an eyebrow. 

“Why?” He asked. 

“Remember your texts?” Owen smirked, and Charlie’s eyes widened at the realisation. 

“Don’t be so horny.” He muttered, hitting at Owen’s arm. Owen grinned. 

“Says the guy who just had me pressed up against a wall.” He retaliated. 

“We can hear you, you know that right?” Meghan called, and both Charlie and Owen froze. 

“We did not.” Charlie called back, and both boys decided that was their cue to head into the kitchen, where Meghan and Margaux were waiting.  

“Papa!” Margaux exclaimed the second they entered the room, jumping down off her chair and rushing over to Owen, jumping into his arms. Meghan gave Charlie a look, eyebrows raised. 

“So, finally got your shit together then?” She questioned. Charlie glanced towards Owen and Margaux, a smile appearing on his face when he saw the way the four year old was clinging to the blond boy. 

This was how things were supposed to be. 

- 

Less than an hour later the family of four had checked into their home for the next few days and travelled up to the fourteenth floor to find their room. 

Once they found it Charlie tapped the keycard against the door and pushed on the handle when the light changed to green. Margaux pushed past him, running into the room and heading straight towards the door to the balcony, pressing her face into the glass. 

“Woah!” She exclaimed, standing on her toes to try to see the road below. 

“Good view?” Charlie asked, placing the bags he was carrying down on the couch, before opening the door and letting Margaux out onto the balcony, trailing closely behind her as Margaux rushed over to the railing. 

“Look Daddy.” She grinned as Charlie squatted down behind her, placing a hand on her back gently. 

“Wow look how tiny those people are.” Charlie said, and Margaux giggled. 

“They’re ants!” She replied, leaning back into Charlie. 

“For someone who travels as much as she does you’d think she’d be used to it by now.” Meghan joked quietly to Owen as the two of them stood and watched the interaction.

“Especially since we lived in an apartment building in Vancouver while we filmed.” Owen replied. 

“Kids.” Meghan shook her head in amusement.

“You wanna see your room baby?” Charlie questioned, and Margaux nodded excitedly. 

“Okay let’s figure it out.” Charlie stood back up, taking Margaux’s hand and leading her back into the main room. 

“Am I gonna stay with you Daddy?” Margaux asked, and Charlie shook his head. 

“No you’re gonna stay with Meggy.” He said, motioning towards his younger sister. 

“It’s gonna be like a sleepover.” Meghan grinned. Margaux pouted. 

“But I wanna stay with Daddy.” She whined. 

“You’ll be with Daddy until you have to go to sleep, okay?” Charlie told her, pushing open the door, revealing the room with the two double beds.

“And look at this nice big bed you get to stay in all by yourself. You can fit all of your toys around you.” He added, and Margaux frowned but didn’t protest. 

“Which bed do you want Mini? The window one?” Meghan questioned. 

Margaux glanced at the beds before nodding. Charlie placed her bag onto the bed, unzipping it to reveal the several stuffed toys and dolls they had packed.

“Look, we’ll put all your friends on your bed.” He said as he placed the toys out onto the bed, pulling out Margaux’s blanket last. “And your blankie, and look how nice this looks. You’ll have so much fun sleeping here.”

“And we can even sing with each other at night, or gossip about secret girl stuff.” Meghan added, sitting on the edge of her own bed. 

“What girl stuff?” Margaux questioned, climbing up next to her aunt and snuggling into her arms. 

“Butterflies and glitter.” Charlie joked, and Owen rolled his eyes at the reference, turning and leaving the room as a response.

“We’ll stay up all night talking about boys.” Meghan grinned and Charlie’s smile instantly turned into a frown. 

“Hey! No.” He reprimanded.

“I’m joking Charlie, don’t be a party pooper.” Meghan rolled her eyes. 

“You joke, but we had a full conversation a month ago about how someone wants a boyfriend.” Charlie said, and Margaux looked up. 

“I want a boyfriend.” She chimed in. Meghan laughed. 

“You’re four, why do you need a boyfriend?” She asked. Margaux frowned. 

“Daddy has a boyfriend.” She stated. Meghan smirked, looking up at Charlie. 

“Does he now?” She teased. 

“Shut the fuck up, you knew that. You literally just asked if I had gotten my shit together.” Charlie said, and Meghan rolled her eyes at him. 

“You didn’t confirm it.” She retorted. Charlie shook his head. 

“Hey Meghan, Owen’s my boyfriend.” He stated, ignoring the flutter in his chest at those words. 

“Wow! Thank you so much for telling me, that’s so nice of you!” Meghan replied, her tone thick with sarcasm. 

“Don’t be sarcastic.” Charlie retaliated. 

“What’s that Taylor Swift lyric? The one about looking at him like the stars, that’s you and him. It’s honestly about time that you got your shit together.” Meghan said, flopping backwards onto her bed, giggling when Margaux climbed on top of her. 

“Tay’s my boyfriend.” The tiny blonde stated and Charlie sighed.

“Who?” Meghan shot him a confused look. 

“Taylor Kare. Who played the young version of Bobby in the show. For some reason she’s decided she wants him to be her boyfriend.” Charlie explained. Meghan grinned. 

“I don’t blame her, he’s cute.” She said. Charlie shot her a look and she rolled her eyes before sitting up, Margaux clinging to her like a koala. 

“Hey Mini, why don’t we go get some food and bring it back while your Daddy unpacks all of your stuff.” Meghan suggested. Margaux smiled. 

“Yeah! Can we get KFC?” She asked. 

“Of course we can.” Meghan grinned, before turning to Charlie. “Want anything?”

“Just get one of those big buckets of chicken and we’ll figure it out.” He said as Meghan stood up, grabbing her mask. 

“Okay. I’m stealing your wallet.” She told him. 

“Of course you are.” Charlie rolled his eyes, but handed his wallet over to his younger sister nonetheless, before leaning in to kiss Margaux gently on the side of her head. 

“Bye baby, have fun and be good for Meggy, okay?” He said. Margaux nodded. 

“Bye Daddy, love you.” She replied. 

��Love you too.” Charlie smiled. 

Meghan and Margaux left, the four year old chattering away in her aunty’s arms about something she had seen in Bluey, and Charlie waited until he couldn’t hear their voices anymore to move. 

“Owen?” He called, starting to head across the suite to the room he and Owen were sharing. 

“Yeah?” Owen called back. Charlie pushed open the door, finding a much larger room with a large king size bed in the middle of the room, and a flat screen tv hung on the wall. Owen was unpacking his bag, hanging clothes in the wardrobe, when Charlie entered. 

“Meg and Mags went to get food.” Charlie told him. 

“Okay cool.” Owen replied, looking up after a few moments and frowning when he saw the look on Charlie’s face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Remember the texts?” Charlie raised an eyebrow and Owen’s eyes lit up. 

“Come here.” He said, but Charlie didn’t move. 

“We’ve gotta be quick.” Charlie informed him and Owen nodded. 

“Got it.”

And with that Charlie rushed over to Owen, kicking the door shut behind him.

-

They were a naked mess of sweaty bodies and tangled limbs when Charlie decided to bring up their plans for the night. 

“Oh by the way, I have our date planned.” He said as Owen played with his hair. 

“Am I allowed to know what it is? Or when?” Owen questioned. Charlie nodded slightly. 

“Tonight. At 10:30pm.” He informed the blonde. “And it’s a surprise.” 

“10:30?” Owen repeated. Charlie hummed in response. Owen sighed. 

“That’s all I’m getting?”

“Yep.” Charlie murmured. 

“We’re back!” Meghan’s voice called through the suite and both Charlie and Owen jumped up in fear. 

“Fuck, get dressed.” Charlie instructed, tossing clothes towards Owen, before calling back to Meghan. “Coming!”

In record time they were both dressed and came out of the bedroom, trying to look as casual as possible as they walked over to the table where Meghan had placed all the food. 

“Daddy, you didn’t unpack my stuff.” Margaux pouted, and Charlie placed a soft kiss on the top of her head as an apology. 

“Sorry baby, Daddy got distracted.” He told her as he grabbed some food for her and put it on one of the plates Owen had brought over to the table. 

“Oh gross, you didn’t.” Meghan groaned, glancing between Charlie and Owen, who had turned a bright red in embarrassment. Charlie just shrugged, a guilty smile on his face. Meghan fake gagged. 

“That’s disgusting Char.” She reprimanded. Charlie shook his head. 

“It’s natural.” He retaliated. Meghan hit him. 

“Shut up, I don’t want to know anything else.” She said. The table fell silent for a moment, before Margaux decided to speak up. 

“Daddy we saw a puppy when we were walking.” She grinned, and Charlie pulled a shocked face. 

“Oh my gosh, really? Tell me all about it.” He replied, and for the entire meal Margaux rambled, telling them story after story. 

-

Just before 10:30, Charlie and Owen arrived at their date destination. Owen looked up at the sign, frowning slightly when he saw it. 

“A tattoo parlour?” He questioned. Charlie smiled, despite the fact that Owen couldn’t see it through his mask. 

“You’ve been talking about getting a new tattoo, so I figured we could get a new one together.” He suggested. Owen’s frown melted, a soft look replacing it. 

“Why is that oddly sweet?” He teased, leaning his head into Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie grinned. 

“Cause I’m oddly sweet?” He replied. Owen laughed. 

“That you are.” 

“Do you have any ideas of what you wanna get?” Charlie questioned as he held the door open. Owen gave him a small smile, walking through the door as he answered. 

“I have a couple of ideas.” He said. “Things that I think would look cool.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Charlie’s eyes lit up with curiosity. Owen shook his head. 

“Secret. Want it to be a surprise.” He grinned. Charlie chuckled. 

“Fair enough.” 

After going through the basics and signing some paperwork, it was time for them to get their tattoos. The tattoo artist led them through to the backroom and for the whole time they were there Charlie and Owen didn’t once let go of each other’s hands. 

- 

The two boys left the tattoo parlour a few hours later, hand in hand and new tattoos covered in a protective cling film. 

“Do you wanna head back?” Charlie questioned, swinging their hands between them. Owen sighed. 

“Not really, but we probably should. It’s late.” He answered. Charlie nodded in agreement. 

“True. Plus the date doesn’t have to end just because we go back to the hotel... There’s a nice comfy bed and some red wine with our names on it.” He raised an eyebrow and Owen smiled. 

“Fancy.” 

“Only the best for you.” Charlie grinned, and Owen pulled him close, pulling down their masks so that their lips could meet in a rough kiss. 

And if it took them almost an hour to make the 15 minute walk back to the hotel then that was just between them. 

-

Charlie unlocked the door to the hotel room and pushed it open, frowning when he spotted Margaux sat on the ground, staring out the window at the city lights.  

“Why are you still awake Mags?” He asked as he pulled off his mask, drawing the four year old’s attention to them. 

“Missed you.” She said softly, her voice wobbling. 

“Oh baby, come here.” Charlie squatted down and the four year old ran into his arms, burying her face in his neck. Owen nodded towards their bedroom and Charlie gave him a small smile to let the younger boy know he understood. 

“You were gone but you said you wouldn’t go.” Margaux mumbled. 

“You knew I was gonna go out with Papa for a little bit, remember? It’s okay, I’m back, and I promise I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” He tangled his hand through her curls and the four year old hummed in response. 

“Okay.” She agreed, her voice no louder than a whisper. Thinking quickly, Charlie decided the best course of action would be distraction. 

“Hey, you wanna see Daddy’s new tattoos?” He asked, and Margaux nodded, moving back slightly. Charlie smiled at her. 

“First I got this one here.” He lifted his arm to show her the heart tattoo on his ribcage, the plastic mostly obscuring it. 

“And I got this one here for my favourite person in the whole entire world.” He finished, showing her the tiny cursive M inked into his wrist.

“An M for Margaux, so I always have you with me.” He said, and she peered at the tiny ink on his wrist, a small smile appearing on her face. 

“I like it.” She told him. “Can I have one?” Charlie laughed.

“When you’re all grown up, okay?” He replied, ruffling her hair. 

“Okay.” She agreed. They fell silent, and Charlie was just about to suggest that it was time for Margaux to hop into her bed when she spoke up again. 

“Daddy?” Her voice sounded small. 

“Yeah baby?” Charlie replied. 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Margaux questioned, already leaning back into his arms. 

“Of course baby. You got Mr Penguin?” He asked. 

She held the penguin up and Charlie grinned.

“Great, let’s go.” 

He stood up, taking her spare hand to lead her towards the bedroom, pushing the door open to where Owen was sat, already in bed with Netflix loaded on the TV. 

“Papa! I’m gonna sleep here with you.” Margaux exclaimed, diving onto the bed as Owen raised an eyebrow, looking towards Charlie with a knowing look.

“Oh really? What about your bed?” He asked.

“She was sad.” Charlie pouted, and Owen just shook his head. 

“Come on baby, in you get.” Charlie said, letting the four year old climb into the bed before climbing in after her, grinning when she settled into his arms, her head on his chest. 

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, and once she did, Owen spoke up, his voice soft. 

“You know one day you gotta stop letting her climb into bed with you.” He whispered. Charlie made a noise in response, his eyes never once leaving Margaux. 

“One day... just not today.” He replied. 

“The longer you give in the harder it’s gonna be for you. Cause I know it’s as much you as it is her.” Owen said, and Charlie sighed, his fingers tangled through Margaux’s curls as the four year old slept peacefully in his arms. 

“I know.” He started. “I just...” 

Owen reached out, linking his hand through one of Charlie’s and giving it a light squeeze. 

“It’s stupid.” Charlie mumbled. Owen moved slightly, placing a kiss on the side of Charlie’s head. 

“I’m sure it’s not.” He assured the older boy. Charlie was silent for a moment before talking. 

“She’s just always been with me and has always needed me to do everything for her, and now she’s getting older and she can do all of these things on her own, and I just get worried that she’s not gonna need me any more, or she’ll decide that she doesn’t want these nights where she asks to sleep with me.” He rambled. 

“You’re her dad. She’s always gonna need you Char.” Owen assured him. Charlie hummed in response, and Owen took that as a sign to change the topic, a small smile appearing on his face. 

“So I’m guessing no post date make out session or red wine.” He joked, and Charlie sighed. 

“Sorry.” He muttered. Owen rolled his eyes, snuggling as close to Charlie as he could get without disturbing Margaux. 

“I was joking Char.” He said, and Charlie moved to place a soft kiss on Owen’s lips. 

“I had a really good time tonight.” Owen whispered against Charlie’s lips and Charlie smiled. 

“Me too.” He agreed. 

“Do we have any plans tomorrow?” Owen inquired, and Charlie paused for a moment. 

“Not that I know of. Why? Have something in mind?” He moved back slightly so that he could look at Owen’s face. 

“I thought maybe the four of us could go play mini golf or something like that?” Owen suggested. Charlie smiled. 

“That sounds like a lot of fun.” He answered. They fell into a comfortable silence, both boys closing their eyes, but there was something that Charlie knew he had to say. He opened his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.  

“Hey Owen?” He whispered. Owen opened his eyes, focusing on Charlie instantly. 

“Yeah?” He questioned. Charlie smiled. 

“I love you.” He murmured. Owen smiled, rubbing his nose against Charlie’s. 

“Love you too Char.” He replied. Charlie shook his head. 

“No... I’m in love with you.” He clarified. Owen’s jaw dropped slightly, but he recovered quickly. 

“I’m in love with you too.” He returned, and Charlie lent in to kiss him gently. 

“It scares me.” Owen whispered once they pulled apart. “How much I love you.” 

“Honestly, me too. But we’re in this together. And I love you as much as you love me, so don’t overthink it, okay?” Charlie replied.

“Okay.” Owen agreed. 

“We should get some sleep.” Charlie said after a moment and Owen nodded, placing once last kiss to Charlie’s lips. 

“Sounds good. I love you.” He whispered, and Charlie could already feel himself drifting off as he whispered a response. 

“I love you too Owen.” 

[mother-snake]

cut you a piece

(oh boy! its been a hot second since ive posted a story... hope you enjoy! tell me if i need to tag somthing!)

tags: @idkanameatall warnings: angst, majour carachter death. tw self hurt, tw soup of slide. adult language words: 7488

-why was janus the way he is... and what can happen when you lose everything youve ever known.-

Janus, he was fucked up, and Romulus he was pureless. So of course they fell in love.

Self-preservation smiled as he sat next to Romulus. The two had known each other for around a week. Both of them had hit it off almost immediately. both of them not liked by the others. but they were okay with that, after all they had each other.

They were sitting there next to one another. Romulus was drawing something that had happened in the imagination. self-preservation was scribbling down names on a sheet of paper. He was yet to find one that he liked. It was difficult.

He let out a small sigh as he looked down at the note book that seemed filled with different names. None of them seemed right. he crossed out the ones that seemed to plain. The ones that were hard to pronounce.

“hey! Are you alright?” Romulus asked his friend.

Said side blinked. He hadn’t realised he had begun to cry. “I’m fine,” he said as he rubbed the tears out of his eyes.

Romulus picked up the book and read some of the names. A small grin on his face as he kept reading. “what about Janus?” he said finally as he put down the notebook in his lap. “that’s a girl’s name though,” self-preservation pouted. “no! j-a-n-u-s. as in the god of half-truths!” he cheered at the scaled side.

He pondered this name for a couple seconds. Slowly a warm smile lit up his face as he looked at Romulus. The smile becoming infectious along with the happiness rolling of him. “okay then! Janus it is,” he said with a wide smile, “don’t tell the others though. Shh!” whispered. “okay,” Romulus whispered back.

Both of them giggled as they leaned their heads on one another. both of them completely content with what little they had.

Because to them…each other was enough.

Romulus let Janus know what was wrong with him. And Janus stopped using, and binging, and pissing his whole life away.

Romulus wasn’t happy with any of the sides. When he got the chance, he would bash them over the head with his shield.

Why? I hear you asking. Right now, Janus was crying into his shoulder. Tears set off by their reaction to what he had hoped to never happen.

His once bleach white scales had changed to what he considered a pretty yellow. Sunflower yellow. he held his Janus close. The two of them had been dating since Janus’s second month of creation. Both of them had never gone anywhere without the other nearby.

Not that either minded. They actually found peace in knowing where the other was in these times.

“Janus? Its okay, you’re okay… they can’t hurt you as long as I’m here. Okay?” “I know…” he got in response as Janus sniffed.

He looked up to Romulus with red puffy eyes. The anger in Romulus’s stomach swelled. “let’s give them a visit, shall we my sunflower?” Romulus said slyly as he held out his arm.

Janus let out a small laugh and looped his arm around Romulus’s. said side pulled the other closer. “no, I wouldn’t like that,” he smiled widely.

But before they could get to the door there was a sharp knock at the door of creativity’s door. They looked at one another before Romulus ushered Janus behind himself.

“Romulus? De- self-preservation?” oh morality. “we need you guys quick! There’s a new side here!” he yelled, his voice both a mix of concern and excitement.

They looked between one another. There hadn’t been a new side since Janus appeared. And that had been apparently very unexpected.

Both of them ran next to each other as the door burst open. Romulus mildly confused on how Janus could run so easily in heel shoes. Janus was just focused on the fact there was a side with the light sides.

Scared that he would be treated the same way he and Romulus were. when they arrived, they stopped and stared at the side that hissed at logic like a cat. “I’m sorry, did you just hiss at me?” logic asked looking flabbergasted at the new side.

A wide smile grew on Janus’s face as he let out his own hiss. Grabbing the attention of the new side. the small child looked up to Janus who gave another small hiss. a hiss this time was directed at him. This one wasn’t as animalistic. But more friendly.

Janus and Romulus nodded to one another and held out their hands. the small child ran into their arms. “welcome to our dysfunctional family,” Janus mumbled as he hugged the smaller form.

And Janus told Romulus he'd die for him, Which looking back, was the right thing to say.

Janus sat there listening to music blaring from cautions room. Him and the newest addition, wrath, had gotten into another argument and it wasn’t pretty. He had witnessed the end of it.

He was positioned at the side of Virgil’s door. Waiting for the other to calm down. He hoped they would. “hey, you okay there?” Romulus asked.

Janus let out a sigh, “I’m alright. Just waiting for the two small hatchlings to calm down. It may take a while by the sounds of it,” he chuckled. “I think Thomas starting high school is getting the best of them.” He said.

“yeah… I can tell,” Romulus said, hiding his hand in his pocket; He could tell the other later. Romulus smiled and kissed his cobra on the head before turning around. “hey, Romulus? Id cut you a piece of me,” he said slowly, almost singing. “what?” “id cut you a piece of me, and where you go, I will go too. Yes… I’m now a part of you,” he smiled. Romulus felt tears pouring out of his eyes as he surged forwards and hugged Janus tightly around the shoulders. “how long?” Janus muttered into his shoulder. “a couple years at best. But no longer I’m afraid…” he muttered into Janus’s shoulder.

They didn’t do anything but hold each other. Romulus knew lying to his queen wouldn’t work. It never did. And as self-preservation. Something like this was bound to become loose. With or without him saying anything.

“I am now a part of you,” Romulus muttered.

I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. And where you go, I will go too. Yes, I am now a part of you

They laughed as they sat around the screen. A movie had been chosen by Patton. but one was caught up in their thoughts. Not much had changed since everyone had found out that Romulus wouldn’t be around for long. and that made Janus feel things he didn’t want to feel. He tried his best to repress everything he was feeling. He knew it was causing him harm.

He found himself snapping at the kids and others more. he was scared. He was going to lose his best friend. Nothing else seemed to matter more at that moment.

“hey, sunflower,” Romulus said calmly as he wrapped an arm around Janus. Janus felt himself sobbing as his lover held him close. He buried his head in his chest. this had been the first time any of the others had seen Janus cry in front of them.

Romulus held Janus close. He was the only one who knew that this was almost a daily occurrence now. He didn’t want to leave his queen behind. If he could stop what was happening. He would. But there was very little in his power

Romulus pulled Janus closer. He wouldn’t leave Janus like this. He wanted to go out with a bang. And that’s exactly what he would do. “marry me,” he said as Janus slowly began to calm down. “what?” Janus asked shocked. “marry me,” Romulus said again, “I’ll be honest I would have waited till Thomas left high school. But with things going on now. Now is never a better time- “ “yes…” Janus said before wrapping his arms around Romulus’s neck ad pulling him close and into a kiss.

The lights looked at the two love birds wondering how they could have been so cruel to the both of them for so long…

Caution and wrath cheered at the scene in front of them. God, they had been close to forcing the two turtle doves to marry. They were perfect for one another.

But perfection doesn’t last. that was something they learned the hard way…

Janus and his romulus, got married in his temple, Cause they calculated,

The wedding was by no means small. they had it in the imagination. Something that had been a surprise when Romulus had offered to have it there.

It seemed everyone in the imagination knew of the event. and as soon as he had entered it seemed as if everyone knew who he was. the whispers of him becoming Romulus’s second hand was a surprise. But he guessed that was understandable with Remus being king creativity.

Laughter rung in the air as people danced and children played. Each person swelled with so much joy and happiness that their king had found someone to stay at his side. if only they knew…

Janus and Romulus sat on chairs at the very front of the castle. The party being outside to make room for everyone there.

“thank you,” a young boy whispered to Janus as Romulus stood up to talk to someone. “may I ask what for?” he said slyly getting a smile out of the young boy. “for making the king so happy!” he cheered. “I should be thanking him for making me so happy,” Janus said, “I don’t know where I’d be without my king,” he chuckled as he ruffled the young boys hair.

“would you care for a dance?” the young boys eyes lit up like stars and he almost dragged Janus by the arm and into the crowd.

Romulus spotted him from the crowd and let out a hearty laugh as he spotted his sunflower. Giving and encouraging wink. Janus stuck out his tongue in response.

The people around laughed as they watched their two rulers, their hearts warming knowing that the kingdom was in safe hands.

But… alas… time was slowly running out.

That Jules was more Jewish than Jessie was Catholic. Jules mother was pleased.

Janus knew that Romulus was slowly becoming weaker. Spending more time in his room than anywhere else. the two spent the winter curled up around one another. Glued to each other’s side. Christmas had been an event and a half. With Janus and Romulus teaming up and decimating the others in a snowball fight. Janus ended up getting a cold that very afternoon. But he was okay with that.

Valentines day had been spent handing roses to the people of Romulus and now Janus’s kingdom. hand in hand they had become something that neither thought could happen.

And then it began… his hair had slowly begun to turn grey… it was small at first. Just small strands here and there. He also found himself struggling to pick up heavy things that he could have picked up easily before.

Janus found himself glued to Romulus. then one day they found themselves wondering the streets of the city. People smiled and waved at the two of them happily. Greetings were shared and smiles returned.

It had been a perfect day so far. The sun was blazing down on Janus. Warming his scales perfectly. His cold bloodedness often caused him issues.

then everything seemed to go slow motion.

“hey… sweetheart… why is everything spinning?” he muttered. “my king nothing- Romulus!” he yelled as he caught his lover as his knees buckled and gave out below him.

He felt his breathing picking up as he laid Romulus gently to the ground. Everything else was forgotten.

Black streaks rose from his neck. Half of his right cheek was covered in the almost inky looking patches. Janus was panicking internally. But keeping as calm as possible on the outside. “come on sweetie… you’re going to be okay… let’s get back to the castle…” no one around said a thing. everyone worried for their king and queen who had only been married for five months.

Janus knew time was running short. He just didn’t know how short it would be.

Married six months, when on route 87, Janus turned quickly,

Janus didn’t leave Romulus’s room unless necessary. Virgil and Orpheus bringing him meals as he sat by his lovers’ side. His face now almost completely covered in the blackness that seemed to make him look like a void.

Janus hadn’t spoken very much. Romulus had looked at Janus with so much joy every time he woke up. small snippets of his memory disappearing daily. but never forgetting Janus. It seemed like him mind couldn’t forget him. And he was fine with that. It would be nice to remember his lover at his final moments.

Janus had been startled out of his thoughts when Romulus reached a hand out and nudged Janus. “yes Romulus?” “can I see them? One last time?” he asked his eyes weak and barely focusing. “…okay…” Janus said, trying to keep himself together.

He scooped Romulus up into his arms. It scared him how light his king was. he looked over to the face of Romulus that was almost hidden by his growing hair that was so dark now it almost matched his skin.

“let’s go, my love.”

In a beaten mitsubishi, killed romulus in a crash. A marriage begun and ended,

He walked through the streets. Barely keeping himself together as silent tears poured down his face.

The people moved out of their way, bowing their own heads. Tears streaking down their faces as they looked on in mourning.

When they arrived at the main balcony of the castle, facing where the sun had always set. and there it was, going down over head.

Romulus had his head in Janus’s lap. A weak smile on his face as he looked at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “I cut you a piece of me…” he sung. “Romulus?” Janus’s voiced cracked. “I cut you a piece of me… and where you go, I will go too. Yes… I’m now a part of you,” he sung weakly. “I’m now a part of you.  From now on I’m half a soul, without you I can't be whole, “Janus sung back. tears pouring out of his eyes. “oh you are the start of me…”

Romulus smiled as he looked at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His sunflower looking at him with a simile and love in his eyes. “goodbye my queen,” he whispered. “goodbye my king,” Janus choked out.

Janus cried out loudly in pain as he felt Romulus go limp in his arms. Wails of despair filled the air. the people below heard the cries of sorrow and tried to block out the gut-wrenching noise that seemed to cause everyone else to cry for the loss of their young king.

Everyone lined the streets. Holding red and green lanterns in their hands before sending them to the sky. Each one holding a small message written on the inside. Hoping that maybe it would reach their king.

Janus saw the lanterns flood the skies and smiled ever so slightly. He wouldn’t be alone. He had everyone here… but. No… he wouldn’t. no. he couldn’t return.

Romulus had long since faded. Leaving only his cloak and crown behind. a warm smile on Janus’s face. he had left his cape behind. He had always been forgetful.

He flung the caplet over his shoulders and stood up removing the crown that rested on his brow and placed it next to Romulus’s.

“goodbye my love… perhaps we may meet again in another life…”

With broken glass. His life was scattered, and soon was her ash

Janus looked dead. That was the first thing Virgil realised when Janus left Romulus’s room.

Virgil still couldn’t help but ask, “how is he?” Janus couldn’t look Virgil in the eyes, “he’s in a better place now,” he said weakly. Virgil surged forwards within seconds. Wrapping his arms around his pops. He himself didn’t know how to feel. He had never been overly close to Romulus like self-preservation had.

But he knew now more than ever that he was needed. And he swore to himself that in that moment. He would stay and protect his pops from anything that would come their way. “come, would you like me to tell the others?” Virgil asked.

Janus could only nod. Not trusting himself to say the wrong thing. it was then that he realised that Janus was waring Romulus’s cape. Heh. His dad had always been forgetful. But a small part of him knew that it had been deliberate.

The walk seemed daunting to Janus. This was one of the few times he had been anywhere without Romulus by his side. but now? There would be no one. Just himself it seemed despite the fact he knew he had his children by his side.

He felt the silent tears pour down his face. but he didn’t care.

Then he heard laughter. Virgil gave a small smile and walked ahead of his father.

There at the living room table was Logan, Patton and Orpheus. All eyes turned to the two of them. “how is he?” Patton asked.

Janus felt himself shaking as he pulled the caplet closer. Had the mind palace always been this cold?

“he…” Virgil began, “he passed away.” no one said a thing. As there was nothing to say… Patton felt something in his chest tighten. He could feel the amount og grievance coming of Janus. He was surprised the other was holding himself together. Logan… well. He didn’t know what to do. There was no logical way to help Janus unless he could find a way to bring Romulus back. Orpheus stared at Janus. Stared at his pops who was now widowed. He knew this would be a hard take on everyone. But this would be devastating on Janus’s behalf.

The silence stretched onwards. No one could say anything it seemed. but Janus couldn’t take it anymore. The silane wasn’t something he was used to. So, he took a couple steps away from the group, turned around and bolted to his room. The cries of everyone behind him were ignored as he closed his door.

He locked it and felt himself sink to the ground. his eyes darted around his room. He wanted to be safe. He didn’t like the cold he was feeling. He wanted to be held and have someone at his side.

He laid down on his bed, ignoring the pounding that came from outside the door and slipped under the covers. Holding the caplet as close to himself as possible. maybe if he had waited another couple hour’s, he would have met the two new sides… but, right now. Weather he knew it or not. He needed the sleep. and for the first time in forever he fell asleep, exhausted from crying. But that was okay… he would get used to the empty feeling eventually.

He may have wanted Romulus… but he knew he wasn’t coming back.

I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. And where you go, I will go too. I lost my life when I lost you.

It had been a month. Janus barely spoke. But when he did it was always in lies. he had made them forget. He had made them believe that the twins had been there the whole time. He felt like he had betrayed Romulus. but it was for the best.

“hello my dear snake face!” creativity one cheered as he saw Janus walking to the kitchen. Janus let out a wince. He hated it when jabs were sent to his scales. “what don’t you want creativity?” he glowered. “come now, why do you refuse my name?” creativity said. Janus couldn’t respond but kept walking. Trying his best to ignore the other side. Janus froze as creativity 1 kept taking, “listen. Can you just not leave me alone. I don’t need my space,” he snapped at the red sashed side.

Roman seemed taken back by the words but his features softened, “very well my dear snake, I bid you farewell!” and as quickly as he was there. he was gone.

Janus sighed as he made his way down the quiet hallway. He knew that the others were trying to give him space, not knowing anymore why his mood had shifted so dramatically. from happy to so sad that Patton could barely spend five minuets in the same room as him before he accidentally starts to cry from the overwhelming sadness coming from him.

He looked blankly onwards towards the kitchen. He was after another bottle of wine. It helped numb the pain. he knew Romulus would have slapped him on the head by now and told him to tone it down with the spicy grape juice. But… well. He wasn’t.

And things hadn’t been going well to put it simply. ever since the twins arrived. he knew it was only a matter of time before the place split into two. And he knew that when it happened things would only get more difficult. Especially if he was stuck with one of the twins.

Don’t get him wrong. He loved the two to pieces. But it hurt to see them every day. So much of Romulus was in them it hurt to look at. roman had Romulus’s eyes and Remus had his chaotic personality.

Maybe if they hadn’t reminded him so much of his lost love, he would not need to cry himself to sleep, or hold up the illusion that he was okay. but he needed to stay strong. That was a fact he needed to keep up.

However, things wouldn’t be so normal anymore. Not after today. he was aware of yelling coming from the Livingroom. the same direction roman had gone in. but he didn’t think much of it…  that was until he entered the room however and froze. Orpheus was yelling at roman who looked ready to rip his head off.

“so what? At least he cares about us!” Orpheus yelled. “deceit is nothing but a lair and you know it!” roman yelled back, “he’s plotting something against us all. Why else the sudden mood shift?”

Janus stared at roman from his spot by the door. His chest aching from the words that had fallen from his mouth.

Then he felt nothing. Just an empty place where everything other emotion should have been. he stared blankly in his direction. “don’t worry creativity. You won’t be seeing much of me for a long time,” he said sharply before turning around and walking away.

Roman said nothing in response. Instead just looked at the spot where the side had been.

Orpheus shoved roman to the floor and spat next to him. “if you come near any of us again. I WILL put your head on a pike,”

That was the last time for years that he would see either side. and dinner that day would be the last time he would see Virgil and his brother. both deciding that it wasn’t worth staying with people who didn’t care.

And thus, the divide happened. No one would realise until the morning. With a single door cutting both sides away from each other.

Yeah you loved someone so much. That to lose them is to never recover,

It had been a month. Virgil, Remus and Orpheus were gathered in the Livingroom on the floor playing monopoly. No one seemed to be close to winning. Each side cheating in their own way.

Janus sat on the couch with a glass of wine. He watched blankly. Not saying a single word. He hadn’t spoken since roman had taken the major jab at him.

He glared at the cup in hand. He hated repressing his feelings. And normally wine would work… but he guesses his tolerance had built up greatly.

He let out a sigh and drooped his shoulders. He closed his eyes and felt the cold wave wash over him. Then there was nothing inside of him. He opened his eyes and looked over to the dark sides who glanced over at him. they knew what he had just done. But they had stopped trying to stop him a long time ago.

“still don’t know why you enjoy repressing your feelings,” Remus said, “repression never works,” “I know…” Janus whispered back. the entire mini group froze, their eyes snapping to Janus. “I just need to feel numb sometimes… its better than feeling what I feel…” he said as he looked at them.

It felt like the first time they had seen him properly since the door was put in place. his eyes looked almost dead. His once pale yellow scaled had become a dirty gold, pecks of brown mixed in.

He let out a short sigh before standing up and walking away. A hand rested itself upon his shoulder but he simply shrugged it off and continued on his way. he had work to get done. God knows what the light sides were getting Thomas to do.

Virgil looked at Janus as he left the room with wide eyes. Janus’s cold emotionless gaze imprinted in his mind. he wanted to know what had happened to his pops over the past six months. He had changed…he had changed so much and it scared him.

Remus looked at where Janus was and glanced down at his hands. had it been his fault Janus was like this? Did he himself do something or was it something worse?

Orpheus couldn’t look in their direction. He hated being able to do nothing. Especially when his pops was in such a state. It sent spikes into his heart. Yeah, he knew what it was like to have emotions you didn’t want. It sucked.

But at least all three of them would be there to help him.

You've given part of your being to them and when they Go, you can never have it back you can never have it back.

Janus was starting to panic. And that was an understatement. Ever since Virgil had revealed himself, he was slowly spending more time with the light sides. It had gotten to the point where Janus was only seeing him early in the mornings or late at night.

Every time they talked it always ended with an argument. Orpheus or Remus would have to break them up sometimes.

That’s how Janus found himself. Cradling himself in his bed. Wrapped in his blanket. Tears pouring down his face as his right eye was closed shut. An ice pack held closely to his eye. it was black and purple. Punched by someone with pure anger.

Orpheus had sided with Virgil. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel so lonely. It felt like that day all over again. Maybe the pain came from the fact it was supposed to be Romulus’s birthday today.

Maybe that’s why he snapped at the both of them. He regretted everything that had slipped out of his mouth during their yelling match.

His eyes glanced over to the bowler hat sat at the table.

“eh, hats aren’t really my thing you see,” Romulus said as he looked at Janus. “but why are you giving it to me of all people?” Janus asked curiously looking at a blushing Romulus. “its been a year since we’ve known each other. I thought it would be nice to get you something.” “but… I didn’t get you anything!” Janus said woefully. “I’ve got you! that’s all I need!” Romulus said as he playfully punched Janus’s arm.

Janus looked away and stared at the grey sheets covering him. Wincing as the ice pack sent spikes of pain into his injury.

God, what would Romulus say if he were here… he wondered who’s side he would take.

Three small knocks sounded from his door. “come in,” he said smally.

The door creaked open to reveal a rather shy Remus. Janus felt a wave of guilt spread through his soul. The poor thing never knew what to do in these kinds of situations. “come here,” he muttered as he patted the space next to him.

Remus gave a smile and made his way over. Tucking himself next to Janus. The scaled side wrapped an arm around the smaller side, holding him close. “deceit?” Remus said. “mph,” he hummed back. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Janus glanced to Remus with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry. I know you’re going through a difficult patch right now… I can feel your destructiveness coming of you. I don’t know why you’re like this. But if ever you need to talk… I’m here. Even if I can be fucking weird about it.”

Janus felt the tears beginning to fall once again. at least he still had Remus he guessed. “Janus,” he whispered as he looked to a rather shocked Remus. “what?” “my name… its Janus.”

Remus looked at Janus with wide eyes. He had never known his name. he was pretty sure no one knew his name until this second. “you can’t tell the others. please,” Janus said. “I promise,” Remus said with a sharp nod.

The two stayed like that for what felt like forever until Janus fell asleep in Remus’s embrace. the intrusive side was almost surprised to see Janus looking so peaceful as he slept.

Had this really been how he had once been? His memory was blurry. Not all there, and sometimes he could swear he didn’t do half the things his mind had told him he did.

And for some reason. He felt like he had never seen… Janus… so calm. So… dare he say; peaceful.

 I haven't thought of Jules, or Jessie, Or their story in the better part of a year.

Janus was slumped against the wall as he stared at where Virgil and Orpheus’s doors should have been. An empty bottle of wine sat by his side. god… he really was a fuck up. wasn’t he? He couldn’t keep himself in check. Relying on numbing himself with drink or his own power.

“hey… you okay there?” Remus asked Janus. a memory struck him sharply in the chest. why did he have to look so much like Romulus?!

He turned his head back to the wall. Glaring at where the door should have been. he didn’t want to have any memories right now. It would only cause him to cry once again. It seemed to be the only thing he had done for the past week. Waiting and praying that his children would come back…

But he knew that it wouldn’t happen. He had lost almost everything… Romulus…Orpheus…Virgil…his happiness… his love for things…his ability to feel.

The last thing he had was Remus. And that felt like its own personal hell. Don get him wrong. He had grown to love the side like his own child. But when he looks at him now? All he sees Is a young Romulus with a moustache.

He couldn’t look at him anymore. He couldn’t feel anymore. He didn’t want to continue like this… “don’t think like that,” Remus growled, snapping Janus out of his own mind. “you’re supposed to be self-preservation correct? Then help Thomas. Get out of the shadows you’ve trapped yourself in. or at least find a healthier distraction. For god’s sake, go and piss off my brother!” Remus yelled hysterically. “fucking get of the floor and tell me how to help you!”

Janus stared at Remus. Help Thomas? Would it really be a good idea… unless… “I have an idea? But I need your help,” Janus said.

A small spark lighting up in his eyes. Remus grinned as he looked at the deceitful side. He didn’t think he had seen the side looking almost excited about anything.

“what do you need?” “morality’s old outfit. If Thomas really wants to make a fool of himself, I would know… lets sort that out.”

Remus held out a hand and Janus took it. “well, for starters… his name is Patton. Logic is Logan as well. You ought to know that if you’re going to get away with this…”

Yeah… he didn’t need much. but Remus was enough for now. And that was okay.

But warming your hands in mine fills me with terror, That I will lose you, today, or tomorrow, in two years, or seventy.

Janus was beyond frustrated. What would it take for them to listen to him!? he had been trying his best to get the others to finally listen to him. God damn it he even tried his own way at the court room to get their host to listen to him. But of course, he was the villain. He was always the fucking villain.

“hey Janus guess what I found-“Remus said as he skipped into his room before freezing.

He had spent the past couple hours in the imagination. So, it was only reasonable that he wouldn’t know what was happening. That didn’t stop him from worrying and rushing over.

“sorry, I shouldn’t be crying over something like this…” “don’t apologise for having fucking feelings,” Remus said as he patted Janus’s shoulder.

They sat quietly next to each other. Neither said anything or a while. Just basking in each other’s company.

It was reaching the half an hour mark when Janus remembered. “why where you here again?” “oh right!” Remus grinned before reaching into his leather bag. Janus would never nor would he want to know what that bag was made of… that didn’t stop him from having suspicions though. “here they are!”

Janus felt himself lose his breath. “I found them in the ruins of some old castle, pretty cool right?”

Two matching silver crowns laid in Remus’s lap. One imprinted with a sword and shield. The other with his own symbol. The snake’s eyes however being a single ruby and emerald. “I guess you have questions?” Janus said in what was barely an audible whisper. “you bet your fucking ass I want answers. Tell me everything, and don’t think of lying to me Janus.”

He reached out and cradled the crown in his hand, took a deep breath. And began to recall everything he had tried so hard to repress over the past three years. Coming onto four. Remus listened closely. Taking in everything Janus said. Thoughts and feelings swarmed his mind and body.

But he couldn’t make himself angry. No matter how hard he tried. As Janus was sitting by his side. Smiling and laughing and looking years younger than he had looked in well… forever.

“he left and I broke. No matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t be happy without him there,” Janus said as he looked over to Remus.

the green coloured side looked at Janus. Both had tears in their eyes. “is that why you couldn’t look at me for so long? Because I reminded you of him?” he said, voice cracking. “yeah… god between you and roman, you really looked like him. And it hurt. But… I guess I just needed to get over it, like a wall I suppose. The first couple times can be hard, but you’ve just got to keep pushing forwards,” Janus said.

He looked down to the crown in his hands. he gestured for Remus to take it from his hands. “no,” Remus said as he laid the other crown in Janus’s lap, “they mean far more to you than me.”

For the first time in a long time… Janus was at peace. Sure, things were far from fine.  God knows it couldn’t be worse. But right now? He was content with just having Remus.

“If you have any more questions… ill be happy to answer them.

When even the Earth has numbered days. I can give just one thing that stays.

he fucked up. there standing in front of him was a teary-eyed Remus… oh god… what the fuck had he done. “do you really think I’m evil?” Remus said as tears poured down his face. “Remus- “Janus said as he reached out an arm. he flinched back as Remus summoned his mace. He held it in his hands. malic filled his eyes. he took a couple steps back. “follow me. and I won’t hesitate,” Remus said as he made his way over to the door that split the mind palace.

“Remus please. I’m sorry. Please. I can’t lose you too… please- “ “maybe you should have been more careful deceit,” Remus snarled before opening the door and slamming it behind himself.

Janus felt himself crumple to the ground; he didn’t know how much he was shaking. He didn’t care that he could barely breath.

He was alone… it was cold… there was no one. He was no one… nothing mattered. he felt nothing.

He wanted his king…he wanted someone to tell him he was okay. He wanted someone to look at him and tell him to get a grip.

he wanted Virgil… but he wouldn’t forgive him… he wanted Orpheus… but he would never trust him… he wanted Remus… but he would never look at him again… he wanted Romulus… but he knew he was never coming back…

and as he cried himself to sleep on the floor…. He had never felt more like a monster.

I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. For where you go, I will go too. I am now a part of you.

Janus winced as the metal slid over his skin. Small trickles of ruby red fell from his arm like red stained tears. Screaming from his skin told him to stop. but he couldn’t.

He had been alone for a couple months now. It was an hour away from midnight. Signifying the death of his lover. he wanted a hug. He wanted someone to hold him as he cried.

What he wanted he didn’t deserve. He was the villain. He was the monster in the closet. and it was fine. At least he was something. Even if it hurt…

He hadn’t been summoned in such a long time. It had been the barely less since he had seen another side. he was scared that they had forgotten about him. Some nights, like today, he could hear laughter coming from the other side. And that was enough for him to know he wasn’t wanted.

They were fine without him. maybe it would be better to go completely. Joining Romulus instead of staying where he wasn’t wanted.

The empty wine bottles that were around him no longer were able to do their job.

He shook as the cold air froze his skin. It had been a while since he had turned the thermostat down. He deserved it though.

The thought of being able to see Romulus filled his head. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling slightly giddy at the thought. Getting to see his best friend of so many years once again, but for eternity.

A small weak laugh filled the air as Janus stood up and made his way over to his room. He looked down at the bowler hat that sat neatly at the end of his bed.

He picked it up and dusted it off before placing it on his head. Trying his best to ignore the shiny objects that rested in their own cases in the back of the room.

The only question was where. Where would he go to do this? an idea struck him in the chest… yeah… that would be perfect… all he needed was to make a plan. no letters were needed, the others wouldn’t care enough to wonder where he had gone.

From now on I’m half a soul, without you I can't behold. So cut me a piece of you, Cut me a piece of you, and where I go, you'll always be.

It had been a struggle, trying to sneak into the imagination. But it had been much harder to find what he was looking for.

The buildings were broken. Barely standing. Vines and shrubbery grew out of cracks. It broke his heart to see that this is what had become of his kingdom. he thought once that it would stand forever. But nothing ever did. Did it?

Janus chuckled as memories filled his mind.

The streets him and Romulus would wonder for hours, talking and smiling with their subjects. the town square where he had danced at every Halloween with everyone around him. A wide smile on his face.

The castle grounds where he had danced wit the young boy who had thanked him for looking after their king. he wondered what that boy was doing… was he still alive? Was he dead?

Then the castle came into view, it wouldn’t be long now. the sun slowly had begun to set. The golden huge filling the sky like it knew what was going to happen. As if it were saying a final goodbye. He felt tears swell in his eyes.

Only five minuets later, he was standing on the weather-beaten balcony that had the perfect view of the city below.

And then he choked out a sob as ghostly figures, white wisps of phantoms filled the streets. Each holding a lantern before sending them up and up into the sky.

They shone like small red, green and yellow stars…

He looked down to the small bottle in his hand. He popped the lid open and drank its contents… he would be okay… he would see Romulus again. He lowered himself to the ground. Lying face up and staring at the sky flooded with fake stars.

And slowly his vision became blurry. “I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. For where you go, I will go too I am now a part of you. From now on I’m half a soul, without you I can't be whole.” He sang weakly into the air…

“oh you are the start of me,” a voice sung back clearly. a sob left Janus with a smile on his face… he was home.

Romulus held out a hand. he took it without hesitation. Being pulled into a hug and very quickly a kiss. warmth, love and happiness flooded him as happy tears poured down both their faces. “hello my queen,” Romulus said as he looked at Janus with eyes filled with longing. “hello my king,” Janus said before bursting into tears.

So, cut me a piece of you, Cut me a piece of you, and where I go, you'll always be. Oh, you are the start of me, Oh, you are the start of me

“are you sure this is the right way?” Virgil asked concerned. “hell yeah emo-bitch!” Remus said excitedly.

He was taking them to see the lights that had begun in this area since well…forever. Always at the same time. Every year on the same day.

“I feel bad were not bringing Janus,” Patton said. “that asshole? Fuck him,” Orpheus growled.

Virgil paused for a brief second. Glancing at the castle. “hey… I think someone’s over there,” a figure outlined by the lowering sun stood on the balcony. it struck Remus quickly as to who it was. he felt himself filling with anger that seemed to plant deeply in his chest.

But… then it seemed to split in two. There was a figure standing next to Janus. And a song filled the air.

They all seemed to be thinking the same thing as they surged forwards. Bolting to the castle, hoping they were wrong as repressed memories filled their minds.

And then they stopped. Each one of them shaking as they saw the unmoving body of self-preservation lying on the ground. his eyes glazed over and his chest unmoving.

Two shadowy figures danced in each other’s embrace as they laughed. Peppering kisses on each other. a warm and sad feeling filled their chests.

This was the first time in years that most of them had seen Janus smiling. And he was in his lovers embrace.

“goodbye Janus,” Patton said as he waved over. “cya, on the other side Jan,” Virgil said… silent tears poured down his face. Logan gave a sharp nod and a small smile. Remus and roman gave a small wave. Not trusting themselves to speak. “take care of pops dad,” Orpheus muttered, his voice cracking as he did so.

“goodbye,” Janus’s voice echoed in their minds as the shadowy figures faded away. Smiling and holding one another with wide smiles.

Oh, you are the start of me

[another-writer]

Begin Again: Chapter 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Word count: 3.1k

We finally have a part 5 I think I could cry. I know this has been a long time coming. I’ve been away from Tumblr for a while and very recently have just felt an urge to finish this series and write a little more. I’m sorry to everyone who was waiting for the next part at how staggeredly this series is being posted. I really hope you guys read it and enjoy. As always, feedback is appreciated!

Warnings: Some pretty kind-of-graphic descriptions of blood and dizziness, stitches (skip the first few paragraphs and then there’ll be a couple in italics further down)

Tags are at the bottom, let me know if I’ve missed you or if you’d like to be tagged :)

You kept one arm locked around your abdomen and the thin razor-like slash where blood was pooling and sticking to your shirt. Your other hand was gripping the bar of your motorbike with as much strength as possible as you cruised sloppily at an alarmingly decreasing speed back to the compound. Noise in your ears was starting to mute; the afternoon sun began to dim.

The words of the stranger ringing alarm bells in your head and making you go dizzy. Your vision was getting hazy. You pulled up onto the side of the road after half an hour and tripped over your own feet as you sat down against a concrete barrier and tried to regulate your breathing; with trembling hands from blood loss, tore the left sleeve of your shirt and wrapped it tightly around your midsection. Blood painted the palm of your left hand and seeped quickly through your makeshift gauze. It felt like there was a lead block in your gut. God, you couldn’t breathe.

You wanted to make it back to the compound, but you knew it wasn’t wise. You leaned back so you were lying down as your head felt heavier and after taking a few deep breaths, you pulled your phone from your pocket; you called for an ambulance and then, unsure of how long they would take, you called Sam.

When you regained consciousness, you were in the compound’s hospital wing. In your peripheral vision was Sam.

As fuzzy as your mind was, all you could think was, Did the ambulance turn up?

‘It did.’

Sam’s voice was distant but it jolted you back to reality; your clothes were so sticky and the gauze was soaked in your blood and the dark spots you had started to see were clouding your vision. 

‘I need to see Tony,’ you said breathlessly. 

'FRIDAY, I need Stark in the med bay.’

Your eyelids were starting to droop again, as though they were being weighed down. 

‘Sam ...’ you breathed.

‘I’m here,’ he said. ‘The stitches tore when we transported you here; close your eyes, keep breathing, I’m gonna re-do them.’

You rested as Sam injected your abdomen with a numbing agent and fished a suture kit from a med cart. Your mouth was dry. There were concentrated traces of blood still on your hands. Your abdomen still stung but you relaxed as as the numbing around it grew while Sam stitched your wound.

You peeled your shirt back down after he finished wrapping gauze around you, sitting up when you spotted Tony march in looking less than happy.

‘What the hell happened?’ he demanded.

You, in all honesty, were still trying to comprehend the situation yourself.

‘Let her breathe, Tony,’ Sam warned, demeanour easing slowly as you began to regain a healthy colour in your complexion. 

Once the overwhelming nausea passed, you opened your eyes, blinking heavily. 

‘You remember those agents you caught wind of?’ you murmured, voice unable to go any louder. 

Tony blinked and furrowed his eyebrows; he turned back to Sam as if unnerviced by his presence, who pursed his lips as he hooked you up to an IV and then disposed of his gloves. It seemed to shake Tony out of his angry bravado.

‘Where?’ he asked more calmly.

‘Queens,’ you replied. ‘Some strip mall, pretty remote.’

Sam passed you what seemed to be a granola bar. You stared at him.

‘We keep snacks here.’

‘This doesn’t count as a snack.’

‘Your low blood sugar says it does.’

‘My low blood sugar can speak for itself and it’s saying it wants a brownie.’ 

‘Brownies later,’ Tony grunted. ‘Did they say anything?’

Your hands were still numb from the blood loss; Sam noticed how pale they were and he held your left hand and began massaging the tips of your fingers and easing you into making a fist slowly, stimulating the bloodflow back into your fingers. As he did so, you clenched your right hand into a fist on your own, getting the feeling back.

It was all so fuzzy in your mind, you could barely remember the details.

‘Most of their conversation was in Russian,’ you said. ‘But to me, they mentioned you ...’ Your stomach shrank. ‘They talked about a soldier, I think. When I remembered you guys had got intel on Hydra agents around here, I sort of pieced it together.’

You bit a chunk off the granola bar held loosely in your right hand and chewed slowly, finding it difficult to eat but the numbing of your fingers told you that you had to get something in your system before you passed out.

Tony clenched his jaw and squeezed your hand, staying silent. He wouldn’t meet your eyes.

‘They wouldn’t come here, would they?’ you asked. ‘I mean, who actually knows the compound’s location?’

‘It’s not Hydra’s style to start a siege,’ Sam dismissed, seemingly unthrown by the information that only Tony supposedly knew. ‘It is ours, though.’

‘Which means we have to find where their base is.’

Your words pulled Tony back to earth. ‘You’re staying here. I’ll figure it out.’

You rolled your eyes dismissively. ‘Could you not act like the hero this time and just -’

‘You’re staying here,’ he interrupted sharply. 

Your mouth was open but no words came out. Tony had never used that tone with you. It was almost parental,which was unfamilar territory from him. 

Tony was breathing steadily. ‘I can’t send you home in case they find you,’ he said, almost to himself as if thinking out loud.

‘Barnes wanted to see you,’ he muttered, making a point of looking away and tapping the screen of his watch. ‘FRIDAY’ll alert him that you’re up.’

Having stayed quiet with your thoughts for a moment, you found they were culminating, and said, ‘Can I have, like, fifteen minutes on my own, please?’

Your voice was so small that Tony looked up at you with mounting concern in his eyes; trying to stay calm for you, he asked, ‘Are you okay?’

You felt your eyebrows crease, and a slight pressure in your throat, but you nodded, not in the mood to talk at that moment. There was still dry blood on your hands and your entire torso was sore. You felt suspended from everything around you as the last hours began to sink uncomfortably in your memory.

‘Fifteen minutes, and we’ll figure it out,’ you managed. When you were alone, you leaned back and closed your eyes, breathing in and out at regular intervals through your nose.

Perhaps Tony felt that giving you more time than you asked was inappropriate given the context, and that he was too worried to leave you alone. You had moved with difficulty to a chair by the window, cupping a glass of water, needing to hold onto something, as if you didn’t know what to do with your hands.

He knocked on the door gently and opened it a fraction, giving you time to protest before he walked in and closed it behind him

‘Tony,’ you began hesitantly, ‘I don’t know if it’s a good idea to keep anything from the others anymore.’

‘We’ll get to that,’ he said, pulling a chair next to where you sat. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Nothing is where it shouldn’t be,’ you said, smiling lightly, heart dropping when Tony didn’t return the sentiment.

‘I don’t want you hurt,’ Tony said, ‘you can fight me all you want on keeping you away from what we do but you’re not gonna win.’ He looked thoughtful, mapping out his words carefully in his mind as he tapped his chin in uneven increments. ‘But I need you to know that we can protect you from getting shot. What none of us can control is how you feel.’ He let out a heavy breath and leaned forward, his next words important. ‘It’s my job to do what you did today, it is not yours. I can’t have you in my position.’

You bit the inside of your cheek, turned to place the glass on the window sill, needing a second to look away from him, and then breathed out steadily. ‘Tony, I’m so sorry.’

‘You haven’t done anything wrong.’ He shrugged hesitantly. ‘It’s weird, right?’

You couldn’t help but smirk, huffing a short breath from your nose at his words, you rubbed your eyes with your forefinger and thumb and rested your cheek on your hand.

‘’ve never been in that position before,’ you murmured, eyes watering slightly. ‘In case it wasn’t obvious,’ you added. Your words made his eyes soften, like he was relieved you were talking to him. ‘I dunno ... I knew who they were and what they wanted but, I didn’t want them dead.’

‘And I never want you to have to make a choice like that.’

You bit your lip and asked hesitantly, ‘Does that make me a hypocrite?’

‘Look, sometimes we have to make tough choices,’ he replied, ‘which is what you did. Not wanting to do it again but knowing that you can rely on the rest of us here - that doesn’t make you a bad person.’

You nodded, unsure of what to say. ‘Are you okay?’

Tony looked at you. ‘I will be.’ After a beat, he added, ‘I should call a meeting. You up for it?’

You blinked, eyebrow raised, his question throwing you off.

‘You want me there?’

‘Frankly, I’ll need you for this one.’

It took you a while longer than usual to stand and make your way to the living room where everyone else was waiting, even with Natasha helping you. With what Tony had told you before, that Ross controlled what information was shared and what was withheld, you realised only he, Rhodes, and Natasha were of those present who knew what was happening.

Bucky’s face paled when he saw you sat in an armchair; perhaps he had been filled in, but you weren’t sure. You supposed you simply wore the last couple of hours on your face.

‘Jesus Christ,’ he swore under his breath. ‘Tony said that you ...’ Bucky breathed out heavily, running a hand through his hair. ‘Are you okay? What happened to you?’ His fingers went under your chin, tilting your head up slightly and he frowned, running his thumb with the softest touch over your jaw. You almost winced and figured a bruise must have formed.

You bit the inside of your cheek and shielded your nerves. Now definitely wasn’t the time to go all googly-eyed - especially since the rest of the team were filtering in. You had to figure out how to be careful about this - how to disguise the fact that you were all hiding something from Bucky. Not only you, but Tony as well.

‘In my defence,’ you tried. ‘A lot of people hate Tony.’

‘Why would they go after you?’ Bucky asked, sitting on the stool in front of you, his eyes flitting from yours and then down to your wounded abdomen where there was still a blood stain, the concern ever-prominent.

You weren’t sure yourself. But you supposed that even after it’s official collapse, Hydra had methods of reviving information. Then again, you weren’t supposed to allude that Hydra had made a move on you.

‘I’ve been in and out of the compound before,’ you guessed. ‘I’ve been with out Tony, they must have guessed that I’m close to him.’

‘What did they want?’ But it sounded like less of a question and more like Bucky had already hazarded his own guesses.

You were interrupted (or perhaps saved) by Tony.

‘I want it on the record that everyone who signed the Accords technically hasn’t done anything wrong,’ Tony began, ‘because [Y/N]’s the one who called us here.’

‘Thanks,’ you deadpanned, rolling your eyes at the sudden spotlight on you.

You hoped that everyone’s reaction would be as nonchalant as Sam’s was; you expected it as such, they weren’t incredibly dramatic people. Relatively speaking. But you worried about how Bucky would react to you keeping something like this from him. You knew logically that you didn’t owe him anything, but you remembered a fear of his was having the past several decades repeat themselves; techincally, you had kept a secret related to that fear. But there wasn’t much you could do except tell the truth now with Tony’s blessing - if you had done so before, you might have compromised the agreement he had made.

‘There’s a Hydra base in the state,’ you said. ‘Or, we think it’s Hydra. The only reason you don’t know is because those guys got the info on a recon mission and they were bound by the agreement not to tell you.’

It was, by a longshot, the most intimidating situation you had ever been in. You quickly realised that Steve could be almost scary when you weren’t on his good side.

‘How long have you guys known for?’ he asked, seeming to direct his frigitidy towards Tony, Natasha and Rhodes, more so than you.

‘Not long,’ said Natasha.

‘How long is a long time? It’s all relative, so I never know,’ Tony supplemented.

Bucky’s complexion paled and his breath hitched quietly but like his throat was caught in a vice-like grip. His tongue ran over his lips as he hesitated with what to say. You weren’t sure whether to prompt him or to keep going without addressing him directly.

‘How did you find out?’ Steve asked you.

‘I was curious?’ you said, almost as if guessing if that was the right answer to Steve’s question. ‘Tony’s the one who trained me, obviously I was able to get through his security - he’s just lucky I don’t hate him otherwise it could’ve turned out very differently for you guys.’

‘And you were stabbed.’

‘Yeah, thanks Tony, and I was stabbed in Queens. And they mentioned the word ‘soldier’, so make of that what you will.’

‘How many are we looking at here?’

‘We can’t tell you that,’ said Natasha. ‘Less than what we’ve seen before.’

‘Bucky?’ you prompted softly, pressing your fingers into his gently, uneasy with his minimal response. 

‘’m fine,’ he said. And his stoic demeanour told you that he wasn’t fine but he wasn’t also wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t news to him, it was confirmation. ‘So why hasn’t anything happened since?’ 

Tony was stone-faced. ‘We answer to someone else now. And they wanted to wait.’

‘Well now that we know, we’ll take it into our own hands.’ You wondered if Steve had meant to sound so commanding, or if he automatically went into his military mode by habit.

Tony didn’t seem to have an issue. ‘FRIDAY can run a scan but without fingerprints or hair, there’s no chance of finding a match.’ 

You picked up on the momentum in the room and figured you could check up on Bucky afterwards; right now all that would seem to make him relax was a decent plan. As you shifted in your seat, your stitches making your abdomen feel itchy, you held your hand over the area trying to soothe it, catching sight of the state of your hands. They looked disgusting, but you also had an idea.

‘Well,’ you began cautiously, ‘... how about a blood sample?’

You cried out when you felt the man sharply drag the knife across your abdomen, a blunt, stinging pain echoing from your torso to your ears. Without even thinking, you kicked your legs out, slamming your heel on the man’s foot, causing his grip around your neck and on your hands to disappear, and kicking the back of his right knee, knocking him to the side. You held him swiftly by the back of his neck and kneed him in his groin, reached behind you and threw your coffee over his eyes and swiped the knife from his grip. 

You grabbed the chair next to you and threw it across at the barista, leaping between his legs, dodging his right hook and grabbing his left fist, pushing him back and making him lose his balance, and stabbing the knife through the bridge of his foot, ears ringing with the pitch of his screech. You kicked him down and slammed his head with the chair, knocking him out cold. 

Blood had slowly began to gather across your stomach but you ignored the pain as you twirled the knife between your fingers and sliced it through the first man’s back, pushing him backwards so that he fell on his front side, breathing heavily as you tried to keep yourself conscious. You kept an eye on him as you edged to the other side of the room to retrieve your phone, and as you walked out of the door. Both men didn’t move an inch.

You held out your right arm, your fingertips stained with not your blood, but his. ‘There’ll be some on the edge of my sleeve from the jacket I was wearing,’ you added airily as if you were commenting on the weather.

You had more attention now than ever. And you didn’t like it.

‘I left them alive,’ you said. ‘Just, self-defence and all.’

Tony sighed, rubbing his hand over his heart. Panic attack. ‘Nice work,’ he muttered eventually, voice distant. ‘Bruce, think you could -?’

You watched Tony and Bruce leave, unsure if you were more worried about Tony and the inevitable stress this would cause him, or angry that he was trying to be overly noble and protective. You were distracted by Bucky sliding his hand away from yours, missing the warmth of his calloused palm.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked quietly.

The adrenaline rush had already worn down. You had single-handedly wielded a knife and taken down two trained agents. It was messy, and you were scared and alone. You still felt scared because of what could happen next. As much as you knew they were bad people, you didn’t have it in yourself to leave them dead. You were worried they had died after you left.

‘I’m sorry you didn’t know,’ you said, ‘and about what happened to you. But I - I dunno, I couldn’t kill them.’

Bucky huffed shortly from his nose, taken aback by your reply. ‘They were trained, there’s no way you could have -’

‘Bucky, no, that’s not what I meant,’ you said, a lump developing in your throat. ‘I mean,’ you cleared your throat, trying to speak casually, ‘you’re right, they were much better than I was. But,’ you shook your head, ‘I didn’t want them dead because of me.’

Not wanting to focus on yourself too much, you turned the conversation before Bucky could reply. ‘How d’you feel?’

Bucky, thankfully, picked up on your discomfort, and he shrugged in reposne to your question. ‘Part of me isn’t surprised,’ he said wryly. ‘You don’t have to tread so lightly around me, I thought you knew that.’

‘No, I did, I just ...’

‘[Y/N], I don’t need to be treated like I’m fragile.’

‘I’m sorry,’ you muttered; for some reason the words were bitter in your mouth. You didn’t exactly enjoy apologising and frankly, you were embarrassed and ashamed with yourself that Bucky now saw you as someone who treated him like glass.

‘I didn’t mean to make you feel like that,’ you said sincerely. ‘s just that you said you were afraid of this happening and I didn’t want to ... be the bearer of bad news,’ you said pathetically. 

‘I can take it, okay? I can’t deal with a problem if I don’t know it exists.’

You weren’t sure what exactly Bucky was feeling but, there was an underlying hostility in his voice that you weren’t sure if you were imagining or not.

‘Sergeant Barnes, Mr Stark needs you in the main lab.’

The AI’s voice rang out from all around the room. 

You quirked an eyebrow. ‘Tony has FRIDAY calling you Sergeant?’

Bucky blinked, coming out of his thought process. ‘I-I know, right?’ he said, sounding uneasy. ‘I was kind of expecting ...’

‘Frosty?’ you guessed. ‘Popsicle?’

Bucky flicked you lightly on the forehead, and you gasped mockingly at him.

‘Looks like Tony found him.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘He didn’t ask me to come,’ you said.

The conversation you had had with Tony weighed heavily on your shoulders. The last thing you wanted was for him to worry about you.

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[hold-our-destiny]

It won’t get better

Hey guys! Ive been in a little bit of a writing slump recently so i deceided to take my simplest idea and try to write it. I might write a second part since this could go a few different ways. I also tagged anyone i thought might be interested.

read on ao3 here

-----

The floor was solid against his feet, everything else around him was fuzzy, but the floor was the only thing keeping him tethered to reality- or what he believed to be reality anyway. 

It was weeks since his last lab day, months since his last decathlon meet, he was losing his grip on reality and there was no one around to notice. He couldn’t keep doing this, he couldn’t keep pretending that he wasn’t breaking inside with every false reassurance of him being okay.

He was going up stairs, up, up up-

The wind hit Peter like a wall, bringing him back. It made him dizzy and slightly nauseous- but maybe that was just because he hadn't eaten all day and just climbed countless flights of stairs. It was almost midnight, there was no one to ask why spider-man was wandering around at hours past midnight.

Peter closed his eyes and grounded himself, he couldn’t let him slip away, not yet. He knew what he was about to do, and he was ready for it. 

----

Peter had realised a long time ago that things wouldn’t get better. He repeated the words like a mantra in his head when bad things happened. Whenever flash shoved him in the hallways, whenever he got hurt on patrol, whenever tony yelled-

That’s how he ended up here, mask discarded a few feet behind him, along with his phone, which he knew would be blowing up with calls by now. He knew it was… sometime after midnight. Last he checked, it was an hour after curfew- but things started to get blurry after that.

It had been months, maybe years since he was okay. It had been so long since then, since May died, since Tony took him in. He knew he was the reason Pepper left Tony, he knew Tony wasn’t happy with him in his care. With him gone, Tony would be happy. Rationally, Peter knew that Tony would be sad at first but once that past, he would be okay. His life would be back to the way it was before everything, before the civil war… before he met peter.

-----

Slowly, Peter breathed in the frigid new york air, lifting his head for the first time since he sat down. Sluggishly, he walked over to his phone and lifted it. He ignored the numerous texts and calls waiting for him, and selected Tony’s contact. He sat back down on the ledge, dangling his legs and looking down, staring at the hundreds of feet of air below him. He’d been preparing for this moment for weeks, he knew he had to do it right. The dial tone stopped and Peter heard his mentor’s worried voice through the speaker, calling for him, almost begging him for a response. The sound was distant, but it was there. Peter couldn’t pull his consciousness closer so he gathered all his energy for a few words.

“Mister Stark?” The teenager rasped, trying to ward off the tears that threatened to spill, he kept them in for this long, why would they fall now?

“Kid? Talk to me kid, where are you? Are you hurt?” Peter almost smiled at the worried tone of his mentor

It wont get better

“‘M not hurt” Peter whispered

“Okay, kiddo. Can you tell me where you are?” Tony’s voice suddenly souded less frantic, and more- worried? Relieved?

He’ll be relieved when you’re gone

“Dunno” Peter said simply, not lifting his eyes from where they landed on the ground, not having the energy to focus them again, content with the blurriness in his head.

“You- you don’t know? Okay, that’s fine, are you in your suit?” Peter hummed, “Okay, I’m tracking you now, can you wait until i get there?”

Peter suddenly felt wrong. This was wrong. No, he can’t come here.

“Don’t come” Peter blurted, clarity in his voice for the first time in weeks.

“What? Why not, bud?” Tony asked, voice soft, but tony could still hear thrusters in the background.

“You’re not supposed to come here. You’re not supposed to know,” Peter’s voice sounded wrecked, tears streamed down his face as he stood up on the ledge, a step away from nothing.

“Peter. What’s going on?” Tony sounded serious now, he knew something was wrong since he heard Peter’s voice, but it was now becoming increasingly obvious.

“You haven’t cared for weeks. Why now? When i was about to solve everything? Why would you- why-” Peter trailed off into muffled sobs, he threw his phone backwards, Tony’s voice still filtering through the speakers, slowly getting louder.

Distantly, Peter could hear thrusters, too far away for them to reach him in time. He let his mind drift away, leaning forward slightly, twisting his body so he was looking up as he fell, staring up at the fuzzy sky. He smiled, for the first time in what seems like weeks, hearing the wind rushing past his ears, he closed his eyes.

-----------

Tagging: @thecheekyspidey @baloobird @romeoandjulietyouwish @dreamingformuses (if you want to be added or removed, feel free to message me!)

[nobeliumoxygenoxygenmisc]

Kagaminette || A certain taste

For fictober event @fictober-event

Prompt number: 9 “There is a certain taste to it.” Fandom: Miraculous ladybug Rating: General Warnings/Tags/Ships: None, Kagami x Marinette 

Kagami tries out baking for the first time and it turns out… well, Marinette will tell her (or try to). (>1k words)

--

This was fun, Kagami thought with a smile, closing the oven door in satisfaction before turning to Marinette, who was smiling fondly at her. "Now we wait?"

"Yep!" Marinette said cheerfully. But then she blinked, a giggle escaping her throat as Kagami wondered what exactly it was that had prompted such a reaction. "But first, let's maybe clean ourselves up. And the kitchen," She added, gesturing to themselves and to the Dupain-cheng's kitchen that did look like a storm had gone through it. Kagami had never seen such a mess before, and she grimaced, wondering just how they'd get through it, when Marinette continued, "Though, it's not as bad as I expected."

She turned to her, surprised. "Really?" 

Marinette nodded, already gathering some of the used equipment. "You should have seen when I baked with Alya. It looked terrible in here!" She laughed. "And she said she totally had it. You've never baked before, right Kagami?" Kagami nodded. "See? This is really good for your first try!" 

On instinct, Kagami fought the smile before remembering to let it be. Her stomach warmed all of a sudden, the compliment making her surprisingly happy, considering how many compliments she received on the daily. But then again, those were for things she already knew she was good at (things she had to be good at); fencing, grades, archery... baking, on the other hand, was something she was completely new at.

The kitchen was cleaned up and the aprons taken off, the two going back into the living room where they continued playing the video game Marinette had said was Ultimate Mecha Strike Three. 

Now that was something Kagami was not the most proficient at. Marinette seemed to win every round, except for one where Kagami had instantly known she'd gone easy on and had called her out for. Not that Kagami cared too much about the losing; it was fun, regardless. Especially without the need to be the best. 

This whole day was fun, she thought again.

The timer went off, startling Marinette almost off her seat, Kagami concerned before she paused the game, laughing nervously. "Oops, guess I was too caught up, huh?"

"You were concentrating. That's a good thing," Kagami said, earning another laugh. 

They went back into the kitchen, her heart beating as Marinette eagerly took out their trays and laid it on the counter. She was unusually excited for this; it wasn't as if her cupcakes were going to be the best things ever (in truth, she doubted how good they'd taste because they just did not seem the same as Marinette's), but... she was excited and she really, really hoped they did taste, at the very least, decent. 

"Here." Marinette gave her a pink icing bag, her smile nothing but encouraging. "You can follow my lead, or you can make any sort of design you want, it's completely up to you!" 

She nodded, watching Marinette for a moment then deciding that she would go her own path. Taking the bag, she steadied herself before carefully putting the icing on. She waited again, wondering about what exactly she was allowed to use before Marinette's voice interrupted her thoughts. 

"Feel free to use anything on the counter Kagami," She said. "If there's something else you want, we probably have it so just ask and I can try and find it!" 

Kagami flushed, reaching out to get some oreo bits; had she been so transparent that Marinette could read her so easily? She must have been.

She ignored the thoughts, focusing. It didn't matter. Marinette was kind, and nice, and cute, and non-judgemental. She could let her guard down around her, she told herself.

It was a few minutes more before she was done, stretching a bit after having leaned down for so long, realising as she did so that Marinette was looking at her cupcakes with wide eyes. She glanced between her and the pink and red black-spotted cupcakes; had she done something wrong? She wasn’t normally this self-conscious, she knew, but baking was Marinette’s expertise and definitely not something she was even remotely well-practiced in.

"Are they..." Marinette began, hesitantly. "Are they Ladybug themed?"

Kagami smiled, the smile coming on naturally at the mention of the superhero. "Yes. I look up to her, so I decided to decorate them based on her." 

Marinette seemed to beam, grinning. "That's really awesome, Kagami. I'm sure she'd love them."

"That would be nice, if she tried them." It would, but she pushed her hopes down, foolish as they were. As if she'd get an opportunity to give Ladybug some. And furthermore, "I must improve before even thinking of giving her one." Something flickered in Marinette's eyes, but she couldn't quite decipher it, even as Marinette asked to try one. She blinked, slightly confused. "Of course. It was only with your kindness that I could make them, after all. I would say they are also yours."

Marinette waved her hand. "Pfft, but you made these all on your own! They're still yours." She took a bite, her eyes widening as something even more unreadable flashed across her face.

Kagami waited. And waited, as Marinette chewed and swallowed, and suddenly her stomach sank, realisation dawning. "There's something wrong with it, isn't there?"

Marinette coughed. "Wha-wha-whaaat? No! Of course not! They're great! I've--I've never quite tasted anything like it! There's a certain taste to it--they're super dummy--yummy! Yummy! Delicious, I mean--"

Kagami held up a hand, conflicting feelings of disappointment but also strange fondness warring in her heart (she didn’t want to admit it, but she knew she had been expecting a brisk scolding, even though by all rights a failed cupcake should not have warranted such a reaction). "It's fine, Marinette. I understood I wouldn't be as good as I hoped in my first try." She raised her hand again as Marinette opened her mouth. "You don't have to spare my feelings. I'll know as soon as I try them, anyways."

She deflated, bashful. "...You're right. Sorry, Kagami." 

Kagami shook her head. "Don’t apologise. I'm thankful you tried, but please remember you don't have to do that with me." She took a cupcake herself, and bit into it, thoughtful as she chewed. 

Yes, there was something off about it. Maybe she hadn't put enough sugar? That must have been it. But she had followed all the instructions as best she could, though, how could she have... she pushed those thoughts away. No, it was alright to get things wrong. There were second chances, she reminded herself, looking at Marinette as she offered her an encouraging smile. 

At least, in Marinette's home there was. 

Then she noticed something else. "Are your cupcakes based on the superheroes as well?"

Marinette brightened, nodding vigorously. "Yep! I tried to keep it as close to their designs as possible... can you recognise them?" 

Of course she did, looking at the black and gold one that was clearly Chat Noir; the green Carapace one with the pattern of a turtle shell; an orange and white one for Rena Rouge; yellow and black, the icing positioned like a stinger for Queen Bee; and even a few more she vaguely recognised, perhaps for the newer heroes that she had heard rumours about but hadn't seen yet (besides herself, obviously).

And then her eyes widened at the one she had previously assumed was Ladybug's. But no, Ladybug had no yellow on her costume whatsoever, and this one had four pieces of candy corn on the sides just like... Ryuko. Her.

"Is there something wrong?" Marinette asked, her voice soft and nervous. Kagami blinked out of her thoughts.

"No," She said finally, looking into Marinette's eyes and, if she could look at herself, she might have been quite possibly beaming. "They look amazing."

Marinette smiled, the happiness on her face setting off something even warmer in Kagami's heart. "I'm glad."

--

fourth one for fictober i think? ive written more than i thought i would (and way more kagaminette too 😂). thank u for reading and hoped u enjoyed!!

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 27)

Jemima Jones IV

Another con! This one with Micah. This chapter contains criminal activity and mature topics of conversation. 

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

When I woke up, it was to Hosea's voice and gentle shaking of my shoulder. I'd fallen asleep in the chair by Arthur's bed, head cradled by my folded arms up against the nearest storage crate. I blearily lifted my head and blinked at my surroundings, momentarily confused. I remembered quickly, though, eyes immediately finding Arthur who was laying awake already, the morning sun pouring through the canvas of his tent. 

"There she is, thought I was gonna have to toss a bucket of water. Out like a light, though I don't know how, that can't be comfortable," Hosea greeted me, gesturing to the twisted, hunched position I'd woken up in. I stretched and grunted, putting my spine back in the right order, it felt like.

"Sorry, I'm in the way," I noted, realising the man was here to check on Arthur. 

I stood up and ambled past him, letting him sit down in my place.

"Surprised it ain't Grimshaw bustin' in here, putting you to work. It's late," Arthur said as Hosea gingerly pulled back his wound's dressing. 

"It is?" I murmured guiltily. "I should start on my chores."

"She knows you're not slacking, I think a late start is perfectly acceptable given the circumstances," Hosea assured me, pressing the back of his hand to Arthur's forehead.

"You have my permission to milk this," Arthur said, and I snorted.

"I don't mind chores," I shrugged, watching as Hosea tilted Arthur's head up and felt around under his jaw, checking for swollen glands. 

"Well, there's no sign of infection so far. How're you feeling?" He asked.

"'Bout as well as you'd expect."

"You're in pain, I imagine, but other than that?" Hosea clarified, gaining a one-shouldered shrug from Arthur. "Okay. Well, let us know if you start feeling unwell."

"Will do." 

"We'll get you some food, you gotta eat to get your strength up," Hosea patted his forearm then stood up.

"I ain't hungry," Arthur grimaced. "Especially not for whatever Pearson's rustling up."

"I don't care. We'll make you some oatmeal."

"I'll slice up some apple to go in, to sweeten it up and make it taste of something," I added.

"I don't need no fuss, just leave me here to fester and I'm sure I'll surface in a couple weeks," Arthur grumbled. I sighed and walked over to him, leaning over his bed. 

"Let us take care of you, Arthur. Everyone cares about you making a recovery," I told him softly. He blinked up at me, an unhappy crease in his forehead.

"Who'll still care when I need someone to stop me rolling into a ditch when I'm trying to take a damn piss?" He grumbled. My brows raised and I paused for a moment before shrugging. 

"I'll help you," I said. Arthur snorted.

"Uh, no. You won't. I draw the line there," he hissed. I straightened up and nodded in acceptance. 

"I'll do it. You go and make him that oatmeal," Hosea volunteered, patting my elbow and sending me on my way. "Come on, big guy."

I heard Arthur's groan of frustration as I left, and Hosea began helping him to his feet. I felt awful, seeing him so reliant on others when it was clear to me he was fiercely independent and did not like to trouble those he cared about. I wished he would see that he wasn't putting anyone out. He was injured, and we wanted to help. 

I prepared his oatmeal and brought it to him, he was pleased that he didn't need it feeding to him, because once he was propped up on some pillows he could use his good arm to feed himself. He waved me off to go about my day, though I felt reluctant to leave him alone in his tent. I did notice other members of the gang going in and keeping him company every now and then, though, notably Charles, John and Javier. Dutch too, of course, as well as the girls. They brought him books to read and candy to lift his spirits. Jack had visited with Abigail, and I was standing close enough that I could hear his curious questions and Arthur's sweet patience in answering them. Even the one asking whether he could see through the hole in his shoulder. I was pretty sure I'd seen everyone at least poke their head into the tent to ask how he was feeling. Even Micah.

A week or so passed and he was slowly getting better, more mobile. He was still confined to his bed for the most part, mainly under the orders of Hosea who insisted he take it easy and avoid unnecessary strain. I kept Arthur company most evenings, sometimes falling asleep in his tent, but whenever he caught me dozing before he fell asleep he'd send me to my bedroll. In the daytime, sometimes he'd venture out of the tent to stretch his legs and keep from going completely mad, but he'd lost a fair amount of blood and taken quite a beating and he tired easily, so his walks were short and few.

I hadn't left camp since my trip into town to get those supplies for Arthur, and I felt stir-crazy, not used to being in the same place without a change of scenery. I spared a lot of thoughts for Arthur at that, wondering if he felt the same way. I had been doing general chores around camp to do my bit, but I certainly felt ready for something different halfway through the second week of such routine. So, when Micah approached me one afternoon when I was sat by Arthur doing some sewing, I was inclined to agree with whatever scheme he had cooking up. 

"Reckon I could pull you away from the resident colander for a few hours?" He'd greeted us, gaining a stern look from myself and complete ignorance from Arthur. 

"Depends, it gonna get me out of here?" I replied. 

"Of course. I've been itching for another one of our jobs, we always work so well together, you and I," he touted, voice a praising drawl.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, seeing Arthur's chest rise in a heavy breath from the corner of my eye. I glanced at him, and he was just staring at the top of the tent from his reclined position in bed. I realised how rude it was to discuss getting out of camp while Arthur had no option to do so, so I quickly rose to my feet, leaving my sewing on the table next to me. 

"Well, actually–"

"We should leave Arthur in peace," I quickly interjected, giving Arthur a nod and a smile before I left. He just watched me go with an expression I couldn't read. 

As we walked away, Micah continued, "I was thinking we could go to the Parlour House, pull a little something like you did with John."

"Yeah? Like what?" I asked. He stopped walking and turned to face me head on, an impish smile on his face. I stared blankly for a moment, then cocked my brow. "Oh, you want me to think of something?"

"You have such a way with these things," he flattered me, putting his hands on my upper arms and giving them an encouraging squeeze. 

I brought my hand up to my mouth, idly running my fingers across my lips in thought. Micah's tongue peeked out, brushing against the bristles of his moustache at the corner of his mouth as he stared at me expectantly. I shrugged his hands off of me, a frown forming on my face. 

"Give me a second, I hate being put on the spot," I grumbled, eyes flittering around the camp for a source of inspiration, as if the perfect plan would jump out at me from the sight of Molly preening in the mirror, or Charles constructing fire arrows, or Swanson tripping over his own feet as he stumbled by, singing a loud, slurred song.

My lips curved into a smile when magically, an idea did emerge at the glint of light bouncing off a beer bottle in Uncle's hand. 

Gathering the materials for the con was easy enough. I found an empty box in one of the wagons and asked around for any pretty gift bags; which Molly could provide. I asked Uncle to drain his beer, wrapped the bottle in a piece of cloth and swung it against the ground so it shattered. Finally, I poured the broken glass into the box, sealed it up, and put it away in the gift bag; all the while, Micah followed me around camp, curious and confused, but quiet. 

"Train station," I said to Micah once the prop was ready and he gave me a quizzical look. "It's better than the Parlour House, plus I don't wanna seem suspicious, in case anyone saw what I did last time."

"Sure, you gonna explain what we're doing?" He cocked a brow. 

"On the way," I smirked, then padded off to dress in something a little prettier; corset, petticoat and all, with a few pieces of borrowed jewellery too. 

-

We arrived by horseback at the train station and I'd brought Micah up to speed. He'd laughed at my plan, not out of malice but because he thought it was brilliant. We were sat in the train station, waiting for the right time to strike. We needed someone who looked like they had money, of course, and with the town being close to Saint Denis, I was sure we'd find someone suitable passing through the station.

I left it to Micah to pick the mark, he sat by me, watching the doors behind us and preparing to give the signal for me to move. It was a simple plan, neat and tidy how I liked them with little room for things to go wrong, relying on acting skills. I was sitting in my finest clothes with the gift bag on my lap and my back to the doors, even Micah had dressed up a little sharper than usual just to add to the believability of our job. I was well rehearsed, having pulled a similar job on my own before I'd joined the gang, excited anticipation twisted in my stomach and made me feel just a little bit sick. 

Micah's knee suddenly bumped against mine; it was show time. Without so much as a pause I suddenly rose to my feet, turning to step out from the end of the bench without a glance back. There was a thump and a crash, of course, the pretty gift bag hitting the ground just a second after a body collided with my own. I stumbled for effect, crying out as I tumbled onto my side, hip hitting the floor, limbs sprawling out and making one heck of a scene. Heads turned, the man who'd bumped into me froze, eyes widening and a number of emotions passing across his face. Shock, confusion, annoyance. 

"Watch where you're damn well going, woman!" He yelled at me, not giving a fig about the fact I was laying on the floor. Ah, well at least I didn't have robbing a kind gentleman on my conscience.

I winced, shifting onto my other side and rubbing at my hip, then froze, eyes settling on my bag.

"No!" I shouted, moving quickly to grab the bag, making sure that everyone could hear the tinkling of broken glass as I moved it. 

"Angel, are you alright?" Micah was quick to jump into action, crouching down next to me and putting his hand on my shoulder. 

"I'm… I'm fine. I'll probably have a bruise but I'll live. That's more than I can say for my gift," I told him sadly, holding the bag up to him. Micah's head swivelled to the man. 

"Don't just stand there, you moron!" He spat, shaming the man into reaching out, taking my elbow in his hand and working with Micah to help me back to my feet. 

"I didn't even get to open it!" I bemoaned, staring down at the bag in my hands. 

"Oh… oh, I'm sorry, angel. These things happen, maybe we can, uh, buy you a new one," Micah said, his tone edged with nervousness. "Just sit yourself down, dear, that was a nasty fall."

Micah guided me into my seat, as everyone stared, gawping. The mark fidgeted in his spot, cheeks reddening as people scowled and tutted at him. 

"You, uh, you alright, ma'am?" He asked awkwardly. I kept my head down, turning away just a bit as if to pretend he wasn't there.

"You just yelled at the poor girl, leave her be, let's you and I just have a little chat," Micah grumbled at him, taking the bag from me and shoving the guy's shoulder to get him moving in the opposite direction.

Despite him being on the other side of the room, I could hear every word from Micah's mouth. He wasn't concerned about being quiet, the more onlookers the better. 

"You any idea how much this thing cost? How long I scrimped and saved to straggle together enough cash to make my lady's birthday a special one?" He began, shaking the rattly bag for effect. 

"Hey, she stood up right in fr–"

"Don't you for one second think about blaming her for this. Be a man! Take responsibility!" He snapped his interruption then gave a heavy sigh. "She's been wanting it for weeks, it's this pretty little vase from this place in Saint Denis…"

"Are you alright, miss?" A gentleman nearby asked, distracting me from my eavesdropping. 

"Oh, yes, I'll be fine. Thank you, sir," I said, disappointment seeping into my tone. "Today had been so special, this is all such a shame!"

"It's your birthday?" He asked, and I nodded. The man glanced over at Micah, then rose to his feet. "I'll go see if I can lend a hand, see if we can talk some sense into that man. I heard the way he yelled at you, that's no way to speak to a lady; 'specially not one just been knocked over."

My lips parted and I watched him walk over to join Micah, giving his two cents and urging the mark to cough up some cash to go towards a new vase. I had not been expecting that. Soon enough, another feller joined in. I almost felt guilty, but this was what we did. This was how we made money! The mark looked plenty rich enough, in an expensive looking suit, a gold ring on almost every finger. The attention he'd drawn had him pulling out a billfold and pushing it into Micah's eager hand with an angry hiss of acceptance, before he was storming out of the station muttering about not being able to miss his train. 

Micah pocketed the cash, uttering his thanks to the other men who'd stepped in before he was gliding on over to me, a smile threatening to lift his moustache. He held his hand out to me and I took it, he helped me up, dusting his lips across the back of my knuckles in a way I'd have to have words with him about.

"My lady, I'm sorry about all that. Tomorrow I will go and get a replacement for your gift, for now, perhaps you'd like to get out of here and get a drink with me, take some of the edge off such a stressful situation?" He suggested. I smiled, giving a small curtsy. 

"Perhaps," I nodded. Micah straightened up, guiding me from the station with a hand on the small of my back. 

-

"I cannot believe that man stepped in to help you," I was saying to Micah, sat upstairs out on the balcony of Rhodes Parlour House, over a bottle of beer. 

"What a sucker," he chuckled. 

"Poor man. He had no idea what he was doing," I shook my head, biting my lip.

"I almost lost it right there, you're lucky I never laughed, missy," he teased. 

"How much did you get?" I asked, leaning forwards, elbows on the table. He leaned forwards too, smirking. 

"Sixty. Not too bad for free money, huh?"

"Not bad at all," I agreed, brushing my fingers up and down the side of my beer bottle idly. 

"How's your hip? You hit the floor pretty hard there," he asked, eyes dipping down my body though the table was blocking his view.

"A little sore, actually, never meant to act that part out so well," I admitted with a snort.

"Well, I guess it earned you a few sympathy points. And no one can say you aren't committed to your role, you did good, darlin'," he drawled, sipping his beer and licking his lips as he locked his eyes on mine.

"I think I may have found my calling; I should be joining the theatre," I laughed. 

"No, no, you're staying with us. You're far too valuable an asset," he told me, and I gave an awkward huff at the flattery. "I'm serious, you've brought in a decent sum of cash since you've been rolling with us, I like your attitude."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I just do what I can. I owe my life to the gang, I don't wanna be a freeloader."

"You do more than your fair share. Between you and me, I reckon most'a the women back at camp are holding us back, they don't put in graft like the rest of us," he leaned in conspiratorially and spoke under his breath. "That's why you're a breath of fresh air."

"Oh, now that ain't fair, the girls do plenty, it just goes unnoticed," I defended, frowning at him. 

"Maybe they do, but you ask me I don't reckon it balances out too well," he shrugged, "we could probably get on just fine without the women."

"You ain't forgotten you're speaking to one of the women, have you?" I cocked a brow and Micah acknowledged me with a gaze that was unnerving in its shameless assessment of me. 

"Oh it's mighty hard to forget that I'm in the company of a woman," his tone was bold, a little vulgar, even, and he was smirking at me. "But I don't class you as one of the women," he made air quotations with his fingers as if to categorise them as an entity all of their own.

"Oh? Then what am I?" I queried, genuinely curious about his response. 

"You, you're somethin' special. I can see you really going places in this gang, you keep doing what you do. Especially if you stick by my side."

I didn't say anything for a while, not entirely sure what to say. Micah kept on staring at me, a smile plastered across his lips, beer on his breath as he leaned across the table, taking up some of my personal space where I was leaning on the table too. 

"Anyone ever told you, you got a real pretty face?" He suddenly said, taking me by surprise. "Especially those eyes. Real nice eyes."

My brows raised and I leaned back a little, my back meeting the chair. "Oh, well that's kind of you to say," I murmured. 

"You ever think about that kiss we shared?" He asked, though he received silence as an answer. "You tasted nice, was good while it lasted, weren't it? Even though you made out like it bothered you."

"Well, it did bother me. But that's in the past, ain't it? Not worth talking about, let's forget about it."

"You think? I thought people were supposed to always remember their first kiss."

"If it's all the same to you, Micah, I'd rather not count that one," I told him curtly, and a smile settled across his features that was amused and more than a little predatory. 

I thought for a moment he was finished, with the resulting silence, but it did not last long. He took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, resting his beer bottle on his belly.

"You know, I think it's sweet you're a woman of little experience, you don't see that all too much, not with the company we keep. Ladies like Miss Abigail; I ain't got a problem with a woman who sells herself but, well, you know. There's something mighty appealing about a pretty thing who ain't ever been sullied by the hands of another man," Micah licked his lips, his expression decidedly lascivious.

"Micah, this ain't a proper topic of conversation," I huffed, getting warm in the face and shifting uncomfortably.

"I suspect you're curious. 'Bout what a man can do," he continued, ignoring my discomfort, "be honest."

"This ain't proper," I reiterated, speaking under my breath, "where on Earth has this come from?" I balked. He let out a dirty laugh. 

"You're a sweet little thing, ain't you?" He said, then sat up, draining his beer. "You and I, we have fun together, don't we?"

"Fun?" I repeated. "I guess so, sometimes."

"Yeah, we do. I reckon we could have all sorts of fun, I could show you what you've been missing out on all these years, if you'd let me," he offered, gesturing to me with the neck of his bottle, "how about it? You can trust me, you'll have a nice time. Just a little fun between you and I."

I narrowed my eyes at him, rendered speechless. 

"Would you like that? We could pay for a room here, head back later and nobody has to know about it but us, it'd be like uhh… like a private celebration of our own," he carried on, and I couldn't comprehend how blind he was to my obvious displeasure. 

"Just so I'm clear; are you asking if I wanna have sex with you; here? Now?" I asked bluntly, seeing him flinch just a little at the way I asked, no frills or nothing. 

"I'm asking if you'd like to have a little harmless fun with a trusted friend, it don't gotta be put as brash as that," he rephrased and I sighed. 

"Put it how you like, the answer's the same. I'm not sleeping with you, Micah. Nice try, though. The pep talk was nice, I was even a little flattered," I told him drily. His shoulders sagged and his smile dropped.

"Fair enough, your loss," he grunted, casting off any charm he may have had. I snorted, amused more than anything. 

His eyes wandered back to me at my laugh, and he couldn't help but smile a little too. "Something special," he echoed from earlier, shaking his head.

[scribeofmorpheus]

The Rebel Queen (iv)

Chapter Four: Convergence

Pairing: Poe Dameron x (OFC) Princess Calista Ordell

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | A03

Words:  | Warnings: More ramblings of a delusional fanfic writer…

A/N: Finally our two protagonists meet... just not how you#d envision it.

Taglist is open

Epilogue | About Thesmora

Hyperspace...

Poe took his holo-call in the privacy of a storage room. General Leia’s face was a portrait in blue as she filled him in on what new intel she had gathered.

“Maz got in touch again. Your contact has arrived on Takodana. She’s a member of the House of Ordell. And seeing as there are only three members of that house remaining, I’m assuming it’s the young princess, Calista.” Leia’s face lit up in a half-smile as she remembered something. “I met her once. When she was just a child. She was so shy, unlike her mother and father. Always clinging to the coattails of the admiral like he was some boulder keeping her from being swept away.” She lifted her head, her eyes set back on Poe.

Poe shook his head when he realised she was waiting for some form of confirmation that he knew about what she was speaking of. The name didn’t ring any bells.

Leia explained further, “They’re royalty. They govern over a small planet situated close to the Outer Rim. Thesmora.” She said the planets name as though it would mean something to him, but Poe simply ran a hand through his hair and shrugged with indifference. The General huffed at him.

“It’s a big galaxy,” he defended himself.

“Indeed it is,” she replied matter-of-factly. “It used to be a beacon of neutrality within the galaxy. However, Thesmora has fallen to infighting. Not much noise has been made about it considering how much confusion and fear the galaxy is in after the First Order fired their superweapon. Their skirmish has gone relatively unnoticed.”

“Maybe the people simply wanted to govern themselves?”

“No, I knew the late queen. We didn’t agree on much and she was as stubborn as a mule, but her subjects adored her. More importantly, she would have proven to be a great ally…” Something bothered Leia, the lines on her face becoming more prominent as she furrowed her brow in thought. “It’s curious. News of her death came to me around the same time I received correspondence from her. It can’t be a coincidence. “

Poe lingered for a while, feet kicking the air.

“Speak your mind Commander,” Leia urged, having noticed his reaction.

“Are you sure this was all worth it?” He slumped onto a box, a sigh escaping his lips. “I don’t doubt your reasons for sending me on this mission. I just can’t help but wonder if I was the right choice. I’m trying to see things your way, but I’m flying blind here. And that’s the worst feeling for a pilot to have. Especially the pilot you chose to lead this expedition.”

“You’re afraid it would all turn out to be a waste of time,” she said it as if she had the power to read his thoughts. “Have faith, Commander. I had sensed something before Maz had contacted me. She felt it too. And now we discover that a potentially powerful ally is in need of assistance… Call it fate or coincidence, matters not. What matters is that the Resistance is hobbling on one leg as it is. If we hope to survive, we have to be willing to take risks. Even if those risks seem to be fools' errands.”

“Those are large hopes to place on a princess of a homeworld that is currently too busy fighting its own war to care about the one being waged against the entire galaxy, General.”

“I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“And my orders?” he asked.

“I am transferring a data packet to your terminal. Hand it to the princess. And only the princess. It’s time we took direct action.”

The terminal stopped the projection and Poe was left alone with his thoughts. Then he heard Paige call him over his terminal, “Uh, hotshot, mind coming back down here. I’ve gotta pull us out of hyperspeed and I’m afraid I might rip us to shreds if I accidentally press the wrong button.”

Poe smiled as he left the cold, compressed space of the storage locker and made his way to the cockpit which was filled with the noises of several alarms and flashing lights.

 "Easy does it, Tico, don't want to jostle us around on landing," he cautioned as his new second mate retracted the landing gear sloppily. Her arm muscles strained to keep the ship in alignment and he could tell she wasn't ready for this particular task just yet. He flicked a few switches, turned more dials and pressed several buttons. The landing controls had been transferred to him and Paige audibly sighed, wiping the sweat off her brow. A shake settling in her bones more freely now.

"I could’ve handled that," she made light of the situation after Poe had set the ship down in a clearing surrounded by tall, canopied trees.

He chuckled, unbuckling his seat belt and pushing his chair backwards, "Sure you could've." It was hard to tell whether he meant to be sarcastic, sincere or teasing, but Paige seemed to take it lightly.

"I just thought you were getting bored since I did all the flying this time," she wore a smug smile.

One of his eyes twitched, "All the flying?"

She playfully punched his sides as they made their way to the rear of the ship, "Is someone's ego hurt?"

“It’ll take more than that, I assure you,” he shot her a warm smile as he pressed the door’s side panel and light flushed through the cooling ship.

Paige took a step back from the encroaching light, face scrunched up in a tight squint. She had yet to habituate herself with the constant changes forced upon the human body during intragalactic travel. Poe recognised that squint, he had worn it many times when he first started flying through hyperspace. It was always accompanied by vertigo, nausea and a flash of white spots that bombarded his vision. During his worse trips, he’d even experience the regular bout of muscle spasms. Years of flying had trained his body to become acclimated to the abrupt changes in environment that came with travelling through hyperspace. It was a discipline that came with the territory. Being a passenger was one thing, piloting under intense conditions and forcing your mind and body to stay lucid and responsive was a whole other ball game. Lucky for Paige, Poe hadn’t noticed any uncontrollable shaking… yet.

“Shut your eyes. Take three deep breaths and focus on your feet while walking. Your inner-ear should balance itself out. If you start to shake, ride it out, it’s worse when you fight it,” he offered his advice while she tentatively took a step forward and regretted it because she hissed away from the light in lightning-quick movements.

“Ughh, why does piloting make you feel worse after?” she groaned as she tried her luck one more time.

Poe chuckled, “It’s a small price to pay for conquering the stars.”

“Commander,” one of his men saluted behind him. It was a young lad with freckles dotted all over his nose and cheeks. His bright-eyed manner adding no hardness to his fresh face. Poe guessed he wasn’t a day older than him when he first started flying for the New Republic.

Poe extended his hand and was met with an enthusiastic handshake, “You’re new. I don’t think I saw you board the ship. What’s your name?”

“Ah, yes. This is my first official mission. I usually work in engineering. It’s an honour, sir,” he rambled, a flush of embarrassment and excitement turning his skin almost the same shade of red as his curls. “I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself earlier –since you were flying and such. I just… wanted to offer my assistance.” He fumbled with his hands until he decided fisting them into his overalls was the more convenient thing to do.

Paige tittered behind Poe’s shoulder and he had to bite his cheek to keep from doing the same, “I didn’t get your name?”

“It’s Cors, sir. Zeeke Cors.”

Paige’s voice took on a high pitch, “Wait, the Zeeke Cors? I thought you’d be… older.” She sounded impressed.

Poe turned to her, his brows raised by half a millimetre, “Am I missing something.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, sir. Just a fluke that stuck and made me sound like some big wig with big brains and a little too much luck on his side,” he beamed. “Frankly, I’m just a guy who was in the right place at the right time.”

“He’s being modest,” Paige scoffed. “He managed to sneak aboard a First Order ship and sabotage its flight controls preventing it from pursuing a resistance medical vessel back to D’Qar. No one would have known he did it either, if they hadn’t found him passed out in the galley with the capacitor fused into his palm.” She turned to the young man, finger pointing to his arm, and then continued: “Didn’t they have to give you a prosthetic?”

He untucked his left hand from his pocket and rolled up the sleeve, “Nah, just grafts. My injuries were somewhat exaggerated by my crewmates. Makes for a more interesting story. At least, that’s what they tell me.”

The hero type, eh?

He took a step forward, glancing around as though someone might be listening in, “Between us, the ship was empty. The troopers had already disembarked when I snuck in through a maintenance hatch. The pilot and second mate didn’t even notice me because I was in a crawl space the entire time.”

Poe tucked his arms around his chest, “How’d you know about the crawl space? Ever worked on a First Order ship before?”

Zeeke shook his head, “Nope. I just have a knack for fixing things. Besides, most ships are designed the same. My brother works on Canto Bight as a…” he paused for a second and decided to let that detail slide. “Anyway, he showed me some blueprints once. The Hutt’s pay a lotta credits for any info they can get on ship designs. Makes for good saboteuring. That’s what they say, anyway.” He shrugged awkwardly before stuffing his hands back into his pockets. “So, what ‘dya say to having an extra pair of eyes tag along? I make a good spotter.”

From how he held himself, Poe would have figured Zeeke to be a little too nervous to have on a mission, but after hearing the strange twang in his accent and the types of words he used, he wasn’t so sure nervous was an accurate assumption. Wiry was perhaps a better description. He mulled over the short boy’s proposal for a long minute.

Paige was the one to break the silence, “Aww, come on Commander, cut the kid some slack. How many chances do you think he’s had to visit Takodana? Hell, it’s my first time here too. And by that count, it means only one of us knows the lay of the land. An extra man watching our backs doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Twice,” Zeeke added.

“What?” Paige hummed in confusion.

“You said ‘how many chances do you think he’s had to visit Takodana?’” he held up two fingers in a V. “Twice. Which means you’d have two people who know the lay of the land on your team. I also have a good memory. Remember most things on the fly. Makes me a terrible sabacc player.”

“Because you always lose?” she cocked her head to the side.

“Because I always win. And the house didn’t like that…” his attention drifted momentarily before he shook himself back to the present.

Paige opened her mouth, probably to inquire about his two prior visits or his penchant for sabacc considering he seemed unlike the usual type that would wind up at a pirate haven –not once, but twice– and also partake in high stakes gambling. Poe interjected to wrap thing up. They’d spent long enough just standing there.

“Why not,” he agreed. “Tell the others to stay ready in case we need to make a quick and loud exit. Maz will try and keep things civil, but you never know.”

“Great!” he rolled on the balls of his heels like a kid building up confidence to ask a question. “Do I get a blaster?”

Paige and Poe exchanged a look before they both nodded, but not in a way that said yes. “No,” they said simultaneously before they made their way to Maz’s place beyond the dense tree line, Zeeke ran after them once he relayed Poe’s orders.

 “What do you think a princess looks like?” Paige whispered in Poe’s direction as they scoured the riff-raff populating the hot and stuffy make-shift cantina. “I mean, I know the General used to be a princess but then… you know, Alderaan went all kablooey. I’ve seen images of the queen of Naboo before, but if someone dressed like that was in here, they’d stick out like a Tusken Raider on Hoth.”

Zeeke chuckled, his voice drawing the attention of several lurkers who had kept their sights trained on them since they arrived. That small action seemed to tell those unfriendly faces that they weren’t intimidated in the least, despite being relatively new faces in this establishment. The staring masses seemed to be satisfied with Zeeke’s show of confidence and they went about their business as usual.

He sure was good at reading a room, Poe thought. That could come in handy.

“I’ve seen a few princesses. Most of them always wear fancy dresses with too much jewellery. The kind of too much that means they aren’t in the least bit worried about losing one of their eight rings. Heck, I once saw a prince wearing so much jewellery I mistook him for a woman,” Zeeke told Paige. She found his slip up amusing. “Don’t laugh, it was an honest mistake. Besides, if you’d seen him, you’d be thrown for a loop too.”

Paige poked his side with a large grin, “What, did the handsome prince fluster you?”

Zeeke scoffed, “No. And he wasn’t handsome.” He stuck out his thumb close to Poe’s chin. “Poe is handsome. He was… beautiful. Hence the reason I mistook him for a princess.” His words came out nonchalantly like he was telling Paige water was wet.

Paige snorted loudly, a laugh braced behind her palm as she tried to hold back her laughing fit.

“Well, I guess all we have to do is look for a beautiful man who wears a lot of jewellery,” Poe teased with a half-smirk.

Zeeke mouthed a ‘Ha-ha’ before he tapped on Poe’s jacket discretely, “Actually, I think I’ve spotted them.” He nudged his nose towards a table in the back placed in a poorly lit area with five people sat around it. At first glance, they would seem to blend right in, but upon a more thorough observation, Poe noticed they were more guarded than most of the people inside this cramped space.

Sat in the farthest right corner of the table was a tall, stout man with a gut protruding over his belt. He wore a small sleeveless jacket that looked ridiculous on his frame. It was probably too small for Poe’s shoulders. Perhaps Paige or Zeeke would have fit into it better. Beside the large man was a Jawa sitting on top of stacked crates. His arms waved around energetically as some of his Jawaese made its way to Poe’s unfamiliar ears. Listening attentively was a woman in mechanics overalls. Her posture was slumped and her face marred by dark rings under her eyes –a blaster holstered at her thigh. She wasn’t unattractive, but sitting beside the much more poised and stiff looking woman dressed in purple, she was easily overlooked. The woman in purple and black was probably the princess. The scary, tall man with his right arm in a sling, casting a deformed shadow over the table, was probably her bodyguard. Though, Poe wondered what good he was to her right now considering his battered state. And as though he had sensed their presence, the man with the dark storm-filled eyes looked over at Poe, a grim line pressing his lips together until they turned near-white. Poe shuddered on reflex.

 “So, what now?” Paige asked.

Poe’s fingers smoothed over the data disk he had downloaded Leia’s data packet onto. A hesitancy in his actions as he squared his jaw and let out a breathy sigh. “I guess, now we talk to a princess.”

“Boy, tone down that confidence, why don’t you,” Zeeke jested.

“Are you certain that was the whole message?” Koa inquired in a hushed voice.

Calista’s fingers dipped and ran over the ridges and snaking twists of her newly braided hair, the umber ends reminding her a little too much of her aunt’s signature colour. With distaste, she tossed the heavy braid behind her, feeling it swing and tickle her lower back. “That was all it said,” she replied finally.

“It makes no sense,” Odhen grumbled, as was his usual manner of speaking Calista had discovered. “Why send us all the way out here to find your friend if his half of the message simply lead to co-ordinates in the middle of nowhere? There’s no star, no planet, no planetoid… nothing’s in that quadrant. Except black.”

Everyone turned to Mokk-Toh hoping he would provide them with more answers, but he had been silent ever since she had found him in that cave, lost and despondent. Calista feared that he wouldn’t ever truly recover from the news of Lenora’s death and that worried her. She had always suspected they shared a strong bond, maybe even one that proved to be of an intimate nature, but she had never witnessed more than kind words and trusting gazes shared between them while in their presence. And right now, all she had was speculation. That made her feel… conflicted. Calista was good at reading people, but not when it came to her family. And never when it came to Mokk-Toh. He was an impregnable fortress of secrets and silence. A statuesque sentry, ever on watch.

Mokk-Toh ignored their inquiring gazes, he was too preoccupied with staring at a group of strangers who had just walked into the stuffy space. It was for good reason too, because now those three strangers were walking towards them with purpose. Their leader, a man in a dusty brown jacket, caught Calista’s eye. He looked like a man with a mission. She couldn’t help but notice how kind his eyes were, even if his jaw was set tightly and his shoulders were squared in an intimidating manner.  

Calista’s gaze wandered down to the point of contact between Mokk-Toh’s less accurate right hand and his swords frayed hilt. She cleared her throat discretely and he eased up immediately. So did Koa. It seems their pendulum had found a new addition. Now they were a singular organism. A cluster of nerve endings fused together to form a synapse.

The man in the brown jacket kept his hands freely visible at his sides, his blaster clipped firmly in place by his holster. He wanted them to know he wasn’t a threat. Though, Calista also noticed that he was gravitating towards Koa, like she was the authority head at their table. She bit back a humorous smile as he stopped a meter short from Koa’s seat.

“Princess Calista of House Ordell?” he seemed unsure of his own voice, but he still kept his shoulders square.

Odhen hid his snigger behind a loud cough, sending a wink in Ton-Ton’s direction. It went unnoticed. Or so she thought until she saw the young kid with the ringlet curls hold up his finger towards his leader’s back to try and tell him something. The woman with the woolly hat pushed his hand down and muttered something at him with nervous eyes.

Koa cocked her head to the side, staring at the three strangers with an impressive poker face. She stayed quiet, deciding it would be more beneficial to see how things played out. For some reason, he took her silence for admission.

“The name’s Poe Dameron,” he offered as he pulled up a chair and joined their table without permission. “This my second mate Paige,” he pointed to the woman behind his left shoulder. “And this is Zeeke.” He pointed to the boy over his right. “General Leia Organa sent me… with this–“

He pulled out a data disk and slid it over the enamel textured table.

Odhen’s smile vanished as soon as he heard the man speak, his brows growing heavy again. Ton-Ton spoke to him, though not as loudly as his usual choice of expression. The boy with the ringlets –Zeeke– lifted his chin slightly at the sound of Jawaese. Calista wondered if he was familiar with the dialect.

Calista opened her mouth to say something when Poe spoke over her, “I’ve been sent here to bring you back with us… to our base.”

“Why should I trust anything you say?” Koa stared him down.

The smaller woman, Paige, gulped in place of Poe.

Poe ruffled his hair and rubbed his hand over his scruff growing just below his nose, “Look, princess, I’m just following orders. I was told you needed my help. Here I am.” There was a slight petulance to his tone that made Calista chuckle softly. Koa and Mokk-Toh didn’t find his tone of voice as amusing.

Zeeke bent side-ways towards Paige and whispered something into her ear. Suddenly her eyes went buggy as she turned her focus to Odhen, her mouth pried open by whatever it was Zeeke had told her. The burly pilot was made aware of the woman staring at him by the crude way in which Ton-Ton had jabbed at his resting palm. With a pained snarl, he retracted his hand and stood off the stool.

“I’m heading to the Somnambulist, gonna make sure she’s all fuelled up. If you see Maz, don’t tell her I’m here,” he said as he pulled Ton-Ton behind him in the red trolley.

Calista, Mokk-Toh and Koa all hummed in unison as they watched their pilot stride away. What ensued next was a series of rapid fired back and forth between Koa and Poe. Both of whom grew more and more annoyed by the others arrogance, impatience and reluctance to back down. Calista had tuned them out as she stared at the data disk under Poe’s palm. It looked to be the same make as the ones she and Mokk-Toh had been entrusted with. That couldn’t have been a coincidence.

Calista tried to speak for a second time, but it was Mokk-Toh who spoke this time, “We need to leave.”

“Do you sense something?” Calista asked in their native tongue.

Mokk-Toh gave a rigid nod as he trained his eyes up, not to the ceiling, but beyond. His good arm reaching to massage the tender flesh of his formerly dislocated left shoulder. “Now,” he advised.

A crackling noise moved through the structure, a tingle lining every metal structure. Zeeke pinched his muscles to stop the cramp that had been triggered in his two fingers bending unnaturally.

“What was that?” Paige asked.

“It felt like a pulse,” Poe replied.  

“We’re too late…” Mokk-Toh said.

 Calista scurried after the panicked Mokk-Toh as he rushed out of the cantina and made his way to the spot where the Somnambulist was parked. Koa and Poe were right on their heels, the two of them still locked in a heated battle of words.

“I must insist you and your people return with me, you’ll be safer there,” he argued.

“No place is safe in the galaxy right now,” she bit back.

He sighed, “Look, you’re my mission and I always complete my mission.”

“You’re going to be sorely disappointed then.”

Without warning, a gust of strong winds blew through a brush of dense trees and then a hot, blinding flash of light devoured a sector of the forest and left nothing behind but the thrum of the earth quaking beneath their feet and ash where trees used to be.

“By the stars… Poe,” Paige tugged on his brown jacket. “Isn’t that where…”

Poe forced his spit down with a rough bob of his Adam’s apple, “The Rose One…”

Calista’s eyes narrowed when she felt Mokk-Toh’s grip grow stone cold and then let go of her wrist. He unfastened the knot that held his sling in place and his bones groaned and popped in agony as he stretched it free. Dark bruises and fresh cuts marring his skin.

He unsheathed his sword and his voice turned dark, “He’s here.”

Automatically, she reached for her blasters handle.

 “Who?” Zeeke turned to them, worried and afraid –though valiantly keeping his wits about him.

Mokk-Toh’s glazed over, “Versengen.”

Then, as if on cue, an ugly, droning ship glided through the air and set itself down a few paces in front of them. The doors peeled back and out of the darkness, the bounty hunter emerged.

“I told you, I’d find you.” the masked hunter’s voice was distorted. “And look,” he tilted his head as far as his restrictive armour would let him. “You’ve got friends.” His laugh sounded like someone choking on marbles. “Hello… Calista. You look so much like your father…”

My father? She wondered. What does he have to do with any of this?

Shivers prickled at her tired flesh as another ripple of unnerving laughter filled the air. Calista’s stomach grew tight and her chest felt hollow when the burning odours in the air filled her lungs. There it was again… despair.

 To be continued...

Tags: @gruffle1 @thechickvic @notawarriorjustyet @savethehoneeybees@carolinamalo53 @everything-intertwined

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

Princess Delilah Amelia Elena Rhys

With all the angst ive been posting I thought...Maybe a little bit of fluffy Happiness for Liam and Riley!

Pairing: Liam x Riley 

Summary: …Riley and Liam go through a life changing experience… the first couple of days with a newborn.

Word Count: 3924

Tagged : @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @drakelover78 @queencatherynerhys @devineinterventions2 @jayjay879  @kawairinrin @hopefulmoonobject @flyawayblue56 @gardeningourmet @blackcatkita @syltti78 @decisso @theroyalweisme @hhiggs @mfackenthal @bruteforcebears @pens-girl-87

 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE! (USED THE TAGS FROM MY “ALWAYS” SERIES LET ME KNOW IF ANYONE WANTS UNTAGGED!!!)

 I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance!

 Riley was woken in the middle of the night with an uncomfortable pain. She placed her hand on her bump…It was contractions…they weren’t major enough to start rushing around waking up doctors or whatever. she sat up then gently nudged Liam

“Liam” she whispered as she gently rubbed his arm, he didn’t budge

“Liam honey” she said a little louder.

“Hmmm?” He mumbled as he moved closer to her half asleep

“Liam, I need you to open your eyes” she whispered

“Hmmm” he mumbled as he flickered his eyes open, he gently rubbed them as he yawned

“What time is it?” He asked

“Its 4am”

“Hmm” he sighed then looked at Riley “is everything okay? What’s wrong?” he asked

“I think I just had a contraction” she whispered

“What!” He was wide awake within seconds

“Shhh sh Liam it’s okay I read about it…sometimes you start having contractions then your water breaks, it wasn’t a big one it just took me by surprise and woke me up, I just thought I should tell you, so you know” she whispered

“Are you sure?” He asked as he gently placed his hand on her stomach.

“Mhmmm I’m sure”

“okay” he smiled then gently kissed her lips.

“Can I get you anything?” He whispered softly

“No just hold me, it helps sooth the discomfort” she whispered as they both lay down and Liam instantly fell into the position to spoon Riley, he placed his palm on her stomach, then gently ran circles over her bump

I love you she whispered

I love you so much he replied as he nuzzled his head into her shoulder.

Are you scared? He whispered as he gently intertwined his fingers with hers

Mhmmm are you? she asked in the same way

“Yeah” he whispered “but I think…we’ll be okay” he added before gently placing a kiss on her shoulder.

By the time six pm came Riley's contractions had really picked up, Liam had a meeting he had to attend so she didn’t want to bother him but she was at the point where she didn’t really have a choice. She sighed as she struggled to get off the bed and pulled her cardigan on then headed down to the main conference room. she gently knocked on the door then opened it causing everyone who was in there to stop talking, taken back by the fact that someone opened the door without waiting to be told to enter by the king, they kind of relaxed slightly when they realised it was riley who done it. They all instantly stood up and bowed. Riley smiled and greeted them all

“Good evening everyone” she smiled as she made my way over to Liam

“Liam…this baby is coming now” she whispered in his ear as a contraction hit Liam quickly stood from his chair… “I must take my leave we will pick this up another time” he quickly spoke to the room as he took her by the hand placing his free hand on her back gently.

“C’mon let’s get you to the doctor” he smiled comfortingly as he gave out demands to everyone they passed on the way there.

“Liam relax” she took a deep breathe “I’m the one about to push a human being out of me” she smirked

“I know, I’m sorry” he chuckled “I’m just excited”

Once she was in the doctor’s office at the palace she was ushered on the bed then the nurses and midwifes all ran around her, attaching wires and such as the physician used the doppler to check the baby.

“Okay your majesty your waters should break soon, but you’ll have to stay here from now on so we can keep an eye on you”

“Okay” she gasped as another contraction hit she grabbed Liam’s hand and squeezed it as tight as she could

“I’m sorry Liam” she apologised

“Hey, hey it’s okay” he whispered as he gently ran his hand over the top of her head.

“Liam” Riley whispered, “can you lie with me?” she asked whilst moving over for him to lie beside her. He nodded then climbed onto the bed, wrapping his arm around her. Riley held the gas and air at her mouth and breathed it in, Liam was placing gentle kissed on her shoulder whilst rubbing in hand in circles over her belly.

“this is all your fault” she cried from the pain.

“how is it my fault…it takes two to tango!” he chuckled

“you done this to me!” she groaned

*2 hours later*

Riley groaned from the contraction as she lifted the gas and air to her mouth. Liam gently squeezed her hand. Once the contraction passed she leaned her head back and groaned.

“Liam” she asked as she looked over at him

“Yeah? Do you need something?” He asked

“I need out of this bed…c-can we go for a walk?” she asked

“Is that okay?” He asked the nurse who nodded

“Of course, your Majesty just not too far” she smiled, Liam helped Riley stand and get off the bed then she pulled her slippers on before grabbing a-hold of her drip on wheels then she took Liam's hand before they headed out, with his free hand gently placed on her lower back comforting her pain.

“You’re doing great” he whispered as he gently pecked her head

“I’m scared…” she whispered

“I know sweetie, these doctors they’re going to take such good care of you and I’m going to be there every step of the way, you are not alone in this” he smiled as he gently kissed her.

Riley's waters broke two hours ago, her contractions we’re so close together she felt like she wasn’t getting a break between them.

“WILL SOMEONE PLEASE…GET THIS BABY…OUT OF ME!!!” she cried

“Alright Riley…you’re going to have to start pushing in a minute so take some deep breathes”

“Liam” she panicked

“Shh shh it’s alright, everything’s going to be alright my darling” he smiled as he gently kissed her.

“Alright let’s get this show on the road…okay you remember how I told you Riley? When I say now you push I count to ten you stop okay?”

“Mhmmm” she nodded

“Liam…what I need you to do, it put your arm under Riley's left leg, I need you to fold it up, no matter how much she pushes it…you can’t let it come down” Liam nodded then quickly moved into position.

“Alright lets got AND…1” As the nurse started counting Riley pushed as hard as she could

“YOU BETTER SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN FROM NOW ON, RHYS!” she squealed as she squeezed his free hand.

“IM SLEEPING IN A SKI SUIT FROM NOW ON! YOU AINT GETTING NOTHIN FROM ME!” she yelled

“YOU’RE SO DAMN LUCKY I LOVE YOU!” she groaned

It was about thirty-five minutes later that their lives changed forever…

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a beautiful little princess!! The nurse smiled as she caught the baby and Riley stopped pushing as she fell back onto the bed to catch her breathe. The nurse placed the baby on Riley's chest on top of the blanket as she started cleaning her up

“Liam…would you like to cut the cord?”

“Really?” He smiled

“Yes” the nurse replied as she handed him the scissors then showed him where to cut.

“Liam” Riley gasped “is she okay?” she asked as she tried to lift her head properly to look at her, but she didn’t want to move to much and hurt her.

“Yes, she’s alright…she’s okay” he sniffled as tears ran down his face… “she’s perfect” he smiled

After about a minute the nurse lifted the baby wrapping the blanket around her. Riley cried as soon as she seen her face.

“Oh Liam…she’s perfect…she’s absolutely perfect” she smiled.

Once the nurse had cleaned off the baby and they had done everything they had to do it was about twenty minutes later, it was just Liam and Riley. Riley held the baby whilst Liam perched himself next to her on the bed with his closest arm around her, they just admired their daughter.

“I love her so much” Riley whispered as she gently pecked her nose

“Liam” she smiled

“Yeah?” He replied not taking his eyes off her.

“would you like to hold her?” she smiled

“Really?” He smiled

“of course, I could tell that’s what you’ve been waiting for” she giggled “plus I’m a little tired” she smiled as he lifted the baby and gently cradled her in his arms.

“She’s perfect” he smiled

“Thank you…thank you so much Riley for giving me this most beautiful little girl” he sniffled as he smiled down at their daughter.

About an hour later the two lay on the bed, taking in their new lives.

“So” Riley smiled “do you think she’s a Delilah?” she yawned

“Oh yes…definitely…she is most definitely a Delilah” he smiled

“Princess Delilah…Amelia…Elena…Rhys” he smiled.

“Then that shall be her name” Riley mumbled half asleep

“I love it” Liam smiled as he turned to face her.

“Liam” she whispered

“Yes sweetheart”

“can you ask the nurse if I can go to our bed? This bed is rather uncomfortable” she sighed

“Of course,” he replied then went to the door where the nurses stood outside. After a few moments of them talking he came back in followed by the nurses

“Alrighty your majesty, how’s about we get you to your own bed” one of them smiled as she checked all of Riley levels on the machine then helped her sit up a little.

“Now, we’re going to help you into a wheelchair then we’ll take you to your bedroom, once you’re there we will help you into bed” she smiled then helped riley off the bed and into the wheelchair, Liam gently passed riley the baby then he took over the handles of the wheel chair before taking them to the royal quarters with one of the nurses.

Once they reached the bedroom Riley passed Delilah to Liam then the nurse helped her into bed.

“Now, I’ll be coming back to check on your every couple of hours…just call if you need me for anything”

“Okay…thank you” she smiled as she positioned a cushion from the bed against her back to give her comfort. The nurse left after bidding Liam and Riley goodbye then Liam gently placed the baby in the bassinette at the end of the bed.

“I think she’s ti-” he said then stopped as he turned and noticed riley was sleeping. she felt him place a gentle kiss on her head “sleep well sweetheart” he whispered

Riley woke up an hour after falling asleep…due to obviously having just gone through a life changing event, her body felt off and everything, the doctors told her this would happen though, she probably wouldn’t sleep for long periods of time, she would wake up for a bit then fall asleep again. she looked across the room to see Liam gently rocking in the rocking chair they bought and put next to the bassinette. Delilah lay on his bare chest as he rocked back and forth.

“Hi” she whispered still laying down, he looked up smiling

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asked

“Tired” Riley whispered “but it’s worth it” she smiled

“She’s perfect” he whispered “I love her so much already…I can’t believe she’s finally here” he added as he gently stood up. “Would you like to see her, I know everything’s happened so fast and when we got back to the apartment you were exhausted, so you haven’t really had the chance to see her much?” He walked over as riley sat up.

“I would love to see her” she smiled as he gently lay her in her arms, Delilah looked up at riley with her gorgeous beady blue eyes. Liam climbed into bed beside riley gently wrapping his closest arm around her.

“Can you believe we’re parents to this beautiful little girl?” He asked smiling

“No…I can feel it though” she smirked, Liam leaned in chuckling then pecked her cheek

“Thank you…I don’t think I could ever do anything that could repay you for what you have given me Riley…you and this little girl…you are everything to me…. you are my purpose in life, I am going to do everything I can to protect you and keep you safe” he whispered

“I love you Liam” she whispered as she looked over to him

“I love you so much” he replied before gently pecking her lips

“I didn’t know I could love you anymore than I already did and then you brought me this gift…this amazing little girl and now you literally have my whole heart” he whispered 

Riley woke up to the baby crying a couple of hours later as she went to climb out of bed, Liam stopped her by gently placing his hand on her arm.

“I’ve got her, go back to sleep” he whispered then climbed out of bed.

“I need to feed her” Riley mumbled

“It’s okay, I’ll do it, there’s a bottle made up waiting for her” he replied as he headed into the kitchenette. riley quickly fell back asleep.

Riley awoke again a while later, Liam had just finished feeding the baby

“How many feeds has she had?” she asked

“This is her seconds” he smiled

“May I see her once you’re done?” she smiled

“Of course, you don’t have to ask” he smiled as he put the empty bottle down then brought her over to riley, she sat up eventually from the pain and discomfort, then she took the baby in her arms. Delilah just lay smiling up at her

“Hello, my gorgeous baby girl” Riley whispered as she pecked her forehead.

“We need to have more of these” she giggled as she looked over at Liam who was clearing away the bottle and stuff. He chuckled then turned to face her.

“It hasn’t even been 24 hours since you had this one” he smirked

“I know but she’s just so perfect” she smiled “you should go back to sleep Liam…you’ve been up all night with her” she whispered

“I’ll be okay”

“Please…for me?” she smiled “come and lie with us” she added as she gently patted his side of the bed, he smirked then headed over and climbed into the bed. Riley carefully moved closer to him gently leaning on his chest as he wrapped his free arm around her. He gently pecked Riley's head as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

“Your amazing d’you know that…I could never do what you done yesterday…even if I was scientifically able, I couldn’t have done it…I’m so proud of you” he whispered

“Liam…” she smiled

“Yes sweetheart?”

“I love you” she whispered

“I love you too” he smiled

“Y’know we have to decide who her godparents are…but I think we probably both have exactly the same people in mind…I know we have to choose more than two people and I think I know who”

“Me too” he smirked

“Okay why don’t I choose godmothers and you can choose godfathers” Riley giggled

“That sounds like a great idea…okay you first”

“Hanna”

“Drake”

“Olivia”

“Olivia?”

“Mhmmm she helped make this beautiful little girl possible…without her we wouldn’t know that Penelope was behind the photographs which led to Bastian and your father…if it wasn’t for Olivia we wouldn’t have known any of it” she sighed “so yes…Olivia” she smiled

“Okay Olivia” he smiled “umm Maxwell…he was the whole reason you came to Cordonia” he smiled

“Savannah”

“Bertrand” he added

“So that’s six…I think that’s enough” she giggled

“I agree, we should have them all for dinner… no one knows ive had the baby yet…because of how late It was last night” she smiled “why don’t we have them for dinner tonight then we can introduce them to their goddaughter?”

“I think that’s an amazing idea” he smiled

“You’ll have to help me to get back on my feet first though” she giggled

“Of course,” he smiled, “are you hungry? Do you have to go to the bathroom or anything?”

“no” she smiled “thank you for asking” she gently kissed him.

“When will her birth be announced?”

“As soon as we tell them it’s okay” he replied

“Okay” she whispered as she gently pecked Delilah’s’ head 

After they had breakfast brought up to the room Liam helped Riley into the shower whilst Delilah slept once she was washed and dried she dress then they both went over to Delilah’s bassinette.

“Can you smell it” she whispered nervously

“Mhmmm I most certainly can” he replied

“I’ll do it…you were up all night with her” Riley whispered as she gently lifted her and placed her onto the changing table.

“Are you sure sweetheart I honestly don’t mind doing It” he gently placed his palm on her lower back.

“well if you insist” she smirked knowing what her nappy was going to be like. Liam stood at the bottom of the table preparing himself for what was to come.

Riley got the new fresh nappy ready and set it beside him along with all the other essentials.

“Alright…here we go” he sighed as he unbuttoned her baby grow gently pushing it up, so he could access her nappy. He took in a deep breathe then undone the fastenings of the nappy. As soon as he pulled the front down he heaved then lifted his arm to his mouth and nose as he viciously coughed.

“o-oh my god” he heaved as Riley laughed

“don’t make me laugh Liam” she guffawed “I just had a baby…ill wet myself stop” she laughed

“I’m not trying to make you laugh” he coughed “she just had bottles…what is that? Why does it smell like that…it’s just baby milk!!” He gasped as Riley smirked, she walked over and stood beside him, she gently placed her hand on his arm.

“Okay are you ready? ill pinch your nose” she giggled

“Okay” he nodded he took in a deep breathe then Riley pinched his nose as he quickly changed her nappy she smiled as she unpinched his nose before putting everything in a nappy bag and putting it in the nappy bin.

“Now how much do you regret the phrase “I honestly don’t mind doing it”” she smirked causing him to laugh

“My lord that…that was…wow” he wiped his forehead. “How does a baby that small make that kind of smell?” He asked as he fastened her clothes then lifted her holding her against his chest as she fussed.

Riley spent the day just relaxing whilst Liam took care of both.

Once it reached about 5 o clock they prepared to go down for dinner, they weren’t going to the royal dining hall though, Liam and riley had a room that wasn’t used turned into a smaller dining room so that when we were entertaining fewer guests they didn’t feel a million miles away from them.

Once they were ready, Riley wore a loose-fitting dress and Liam wore smart trousers with a shirt and waistcoat along with a pair of oxfords, Riley lifted Delilah and held her gently against her chest, she was wide awake…and silent.

Once they reached the doors, Bastian was waiting outside.

“Your majesties” he bowed his head.

“Bastian...is everyone here?” Liam asked

“Yes sir”

“Good thank you” he smiled                                                                        

“If I may your majesty it would be my honour to be one of the first to congratulate you on the birth of your daughter”

“Thank you, Bastian” they both smiled, Liam gently patted Bastian’s shoulder as the door opened…Liam walked in first after being announced into the room. As everyone stood up to greet him he pointed towards the door when they announced Riley's name

“Her majesty the queen and Princess Delilah of Cordonia” all of them ran over to me smiling and chattering

“When did you have her?”

“I can’t believe this”

“Look at her she’s gorgeous”

“She’s magnificent “

“Alright guys let’s not crowd the baby we don’t want to scare her” Liam smirked as he urged them all to sit down then he pulled Riley's seat out for her.

“Thank you” riley smiled as she sat down the he gently pushed it in a little before he sat down himself.

“Can I ask when she was born?” Hanna asked

“Of course,” Riley smiled “she was born late last night, about quarter past 9” Riley smiled

“What’s her full name?” Maxwell asked

“Delilah Amelia Elena Rhys” she smiled “now we have something to ask of you all… Liam and I over the past few months have been decided who we wish our daughters godparents to be” Riley smiled “we confirmed it with each other today and we have invited you all here not only to meet our daughter but to meet your god daughter…if you all accept that is…being a royals godparent doesn’t just come with the usual jobs…you will all be like aunties and uncles to Delilah…you are all her family” riley smiled “I really hope you all accept”

“it would be our honour”

“I would love to”

They all replied happily.

After they ate dinner, and everyone got a chance to have a cuddled with the baby Riley and Liam bid everyone goodnight then headed back upstairs with Liam holding the baby on the way up.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as he helped Riley upstairs

“Okay in a bit of pain and I’m a little uncomfortable and tired as to be expected” she sighed

“I’ll get you to bed as soon as we can” he smiled comfortingly.

Once they reached the room, Liam opened the door letting Riley in first then he followed closing the door behind him. By this time Delilah was sleeping Liam changed her then Riley fed her whilst he showered. Once she was finished Riley put her in her bassinette where she fell asleep just moments later. she changed from her normal clothes to her nightwear then she flicked the kettle on to make Liam some tea, he has come to quiet like a cup of tea before bed to help him relax, once the kettle clicked riley poured the water into the cup containing the teabag and sugar then she added the milk just as Riley put the mug down on his side table he walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, he stopped at the wardrobe where he dropped his towel and pulled on his boxer shorts.  Then he walked over and gently wrapped his arms around her from behind

“Thank you for the tea” he smiled then kissed her shoulder

“Your very welcome…I should get to bed” she whispered

“Alright come on then” he smiled as he pulled the duvet back for her then helped her into bed. Once Riley was in bed, Liam climbed in beside her.

“face that way” Riley smiled to him as he looked at her confused as she pointed away from her

“what?”

“face that way” she smirked, Liam sighed then turned his back to Riley as he faced away from her. She chuckled to herself then wriggled closer to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind.

“I’m used to sleeping with my bump in front of me…lying like this makes it comfier to sleep.” She whispered causing him to chuckle

“goodnight riley” Liam whispered

“Goodnight Liam…I love you”

“I love you too” he replied.

Just as the two closed their eyes to go to sleep…a baby cry disturbed the silence. 

If you like it Reblog it! <3

[pennedbyvaishdas]

I posted 25 times in 2021

25 posts created (100%)

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For every post I created, I reblogged 0.0 posts.

I added 142 tags in 2021

#writeaway - 18 posts

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Longest Tag: 37 characters

#excerpt from a story i'll never write

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

As life goes on...

i. I have been a dog barking at the wrong tree for a long time. I realised each and every word I say is not being heard and it bounces double the time back at me putting on more and more weight in my heart. So I stopped barking at all. A dog that neither barks nor bites. Would it be loyal enough to accept being a scrap or leave behind everything and become a street dog?

ii. If the sky were to be red, I guess, my blood would bleed blue. The day would be filled dark, and the night in red. Now that I think about it, it is not the sky but my mind in red bleeding blue hiding in the day and spending nights in red. The day my mind is clear as the sky, will the caged bird open its wide wings and fly?

iii. This smell of the ball bouncing up and down without any rest in front of my eyes slowly fades as the speed increases. But as the vision becomes blurred it is becoming even more bright, the darkness it had held all the time like never before. Up above in the air somewhere a cable tangled in a very messed up way and I found my limbs tied in it, as I stay in it immobilised.

iv. So what I am a street dog, my sky bleeds red and my hands are tied, I can wait. I shall wait until I find my home, until the red in the sky gets exhausted, until the cables are worn out, and until the madness in my head wears out. I can stay and wait for me to return to the place or run for the place I wanna be. And when it happens, I shall reward myself with eternal content without sharing even a piece of it with he/her or whoever it may be. It is the matter of absorbing or getting absorbed by that invisible hole. You get it, right?

-Vaishdas

8 notes • Posted 2021-09-27 13:11:35 GMT

#4

Before even a word escaped my mouth, she spilt her words like it was so easy to say whatever she was saying. Beep!—a long beep filled my ears and brain nullifying all the events happening around me— a customer bumping into a table entering the shop, the waitress spilling the coffee while serving, an old lady moving around moping the floor and so were her words getting dodged by a thick wall around me. She hasn’t sipped the coffee yet, it became colder and I knew she hates when it’s not hot. She’s never been on time for our dates.

The eyes of the waitress were on us even though she tried not to witness this ugly thing. Whether it was for my clingy ass or her bitchy words, either was elegant for a third person to watch us. Time ticked backwards in my head swishing her memories, the happy ones like a movie. Looking at her face lacking any kind of expression, she must have been planning for this for a while now.

With simple words like “Please!” and “Sorry”, I wished this severed bond could be mended back to life. Her voice carried words, some pauses and disappointment, I waited for some pain and the pink of my heart flamed in red and everything became darker to pitch black.

The Kite and Yacht, a kite in the yacht. We made no sense—that I knew even before we started anything at all. The only thing that remained the same as before was the honesty in her words which reflected in her face as if she was born as a personification of the same. We weren’t two kites sharing the same sky, neither were we two Yachts sailing the same sea. We were a Kite and a Yacht, if she were to be a yacht I was the Kite in that yacht getting dragged to every direction it took. Now that the Yacht was found ashore, I guess the journey of the Kite came to an end just like that.

I guess it was because I expected this sooner or later, everything bitter got better in a few minutes. When I was having some worst thoughts in the last few days, I thought we both wanted this, but one of us had to step forward. And then it would have been a peaceful breakup, but this—huge breakout, shattering the world we had in a fraction of a second was not beautiful at all.

There’s a huge project we have been working on. I joined the after party the day we completed the project. It’s been three months, I had no other thing going on, the project had been engaging and not fun at all. There were days I would hate her for no reason and there were days I wanted to let it all out crying but tears just ghosted on me—the worst time to do that. I would go over to a friend’s place and watch soccer, rant about the boss. It was peaceful yet not in a settling way, the stench of something that had gotten over was still around me.

“Maybe we should meet!”, I pinged her.

I met her the day I got myself a book as a gift work—should have got a hobby sooner. I saw her walking towards me, she was late as usual. She was tired, noticeably. She greeted me and checked the time on her phone, her wallpaper was changed. It used to be a picture of a tree I clicked on our trip together last summer. Now, it was just her photo, it was a recent one. I have never seen that one before. Seeing things deeply might have helped me that night. Her smile, the colour of her nail and the style of her dress, everything changed. I realised the girl I have been in love with was nowhere to be found now.

I was not hoping to get together but a strange relief gulped me down that washed away the stench. We had dinner and updated each other with work-related stuff. Soon we ran out of topics and I was the first one to leave that day.

“Thanks for meeting me today!”, I was confused if we should have a handshake or not, I skipped it and chose to just smile and say, “Bye!”. I picked up the books and left the place.

-vaishdas

12 notes • Posted 2021-11-17 11:35:42 GMT

#3

MY DAY IS AN ORCHESTRA MADE OF SOUNDS LIKE…

The river that day had so much current in it, watching it flow wildly made the whole thoughts running in my mind halt for a moment. Regardless, I kept on walking along the pathway on the bridge, a few vehicles rushed past me at a high speed. In between was me, who made the pace balanced with my very careful stroll, alone in nothing less than unwanted thoughts. I felt the time sloth-like, too slow and dragging.

That’s when I noticed a person walking behind me, they must have been there all along my way or may have just joined behind me. The black shorts and a neon coloured shirt. Usually, I am not judgemental—trust me, I am not! I am not picky about colours either. But if you ask me if I would choose a neon colour for my outfit, it’s a huge ‘X’.

In less than a couple of minutes, our eyes met at the bridge, between the current of flowing water and the high speed of the rash drivers, like a softly blooming untouched Camellia flower. When no one witnessed only that person and I knew that encounter.

So now, I take the same path for walking every day, for no reason—I don’t want anyone else but for me to believe that as I play the same playlist. And when the same song plays, I turn around—again, for no reason, yes, I believe that. And when I find myself alone in a full-black attire, I go back home in silence. And that one day, the rain started, I took a cab. It was raining cats and dogs, the flow of the river was even more ferocious, like a hungry tiger. The trail of my walks was empty as my mind. But something crossed it when the cab sped past the neon colour something—I did not hope for anything, I believed, until that drive in the cab. And until I decided to walk in the rain rather than take a cab.

I knew that I anticipated every day, for another encounter on the bridge. My day is an orchestra made of sounds like a blooming flower and the rhythm of the rain. An unpredictable rhythm of rain and a garden of blooming camellia.

-Vaishdas

12 notes • Posted 2021-11-28 10:01:57 GMT

#2

I heard the utensils being arranged after wiping them on the kitchen shelf. The noise of clattering vessels kicked my spines to get goosebumps. I sensed the tension between the silence we both held after the party. Just before the lightning had the hearts sink in the pit, I saw the first drop of tears in her eyes. I was so insensitive and ignorant, I couldn't do well giving her a pat on her back and saying that everything was gonna be okay. If I had done it before, would it have changed how things turned out to be? I had no answer to the questions going on inside her head. Then I saw her bare face which was usually completely buried under coatings of make-up and the dark circles under her eyes spoke about countless nights she had spent awake worrying, turning and shifting in anxiety. I couldn't understand it then, couldn't decode the reason as to why she had to hide herself at the cost of her peace. All I could tell was the way her suffering sounded under the heavy downpour we had that night. Holding her journal, I feel so guilty not giving her a hug that night to say, "It is okay not to be perfect all time." Or I should have just taken part along with her to go through all the pain and sufferings. When I was not even ready to wipe her tears, I have no right to stand beside her in her joyful days. Like the time already decided with whom she should be, I left her before I could see her in her brightest days.  She was like a flower, she budded, bloomed into a beautiful flower with colours of her own, when she withered, she was gentle and subtle about her withdrawal from this world, in the end, she was a giver to this world. I was nothing but another bug sucking life outta her.  I feel guilty for not giving her the assurance she needed in this life. While I was playing busy, I should have put off those excuses to meet her when she was failing, and falling hard to every blow of life. And yet another morning I mourn her absence and the scent of her care around the air. I called off everything and lay on the floor just like she did and watched the void to understand her and regret not doing this sooner. -vaishdas, 'she lost to my selfishness and I lost her...'

15 notes • Posted 2021-10-25 10:40:43 GMT

#1

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night -Sarah Williams

Entering the house having the least trace of a human and more of the void. The ceiling was covered by the spider webs and haunting huge spiders staring down at me. I dropped my bag on the couch, the massive dust layered on the couch was let spread all over me. Some got into my nose and I started sneezing. I ran out of the house to get some fresh air, and I let the doors open while coming out so that the house got ventilated even a bit.

Not that the night was intoxicating nor the air was dreamy but it was my mind fogged by those thoughts that blinded my eyes and made it a bit hard for me to resist that huge sigh. The smell of the hot rice and the sound of frying something in the oil was filled in the street. I heard people watching television and laughing at jokes and hearing songs. I was dragged back to the days I walked roads alongside you who made me laugh with the stars like the moon who reflected you, the Sun.

The time never let me lose hold of your memories when I see the trails of some tyre, I wonder if the cycle you used to go on races was still good to go on a ride. I never hopped on your cycle because you never asked me to do so. The round eyes, huge lashes and sneaky smiles on random strangers often remind me of you.

There is always you, your memories and the stars surrounding me when I think of you. You, a faraway island that I can never step in is so exotic and tempting as any sweet I craved in my life. Those assuring words you uttered when I cried, those words you wrote on the last page of my notebook, I still treasure them more than anything.

Your memories spooking me around in some dreams where you do not recognise my snotty face anymore and walk past me in the street of an unknown city. And those memories of the real you who is still out of my reach killing me a little every day, I walk with it.

And finally the stars you bring around me, taking me up in the sky showing the actual butterflies and shooting stars. I fell in love with you and these stars you bring along while I was trying to finish that one ice cream before melting down. I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. Every star has a story to tell, and mine has the story of me falling silently in those bright round eyes in front of me and losing myself as it was not me but you who got craved through my eyes deep in my heart through those roads and casual words.

-vaishdas

17 notes • Posted 2021-11-20 13:52:02 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[animaestr0]

I posted 4,719 times in 2021

98 posts created (2%)

4621 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 47.2 posts.

I added 131 tags in 2021

#im so sorry you guys had to witness this - 31 posts

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Longest Tag: 132 characters

#totally not exposing myself for my current hyperfixations because there absolutely isnt more than that and i just cant remember them

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

@jackie-shitposts AYO CHUPAPI GO SLEEP PLS

24 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 06:30:22 GMT

#4

yall just started watching kipo and ive realised ive been pronouncing kipo wrong this whole time.

its not kipo

its keepo

29 notes • Posted 2021-03-26 21:39:05 GMT

#3

simping on fictional and usually animated characters was not the lifestyle i envisioned as a child but here we are

38 notes • Posted 2021-03-03 07:57:15 GMT

#2

yall wh-

why do people draw fanart (WHICH I SUPPORT 100%) featuring one character without a trace of another character but use a ship tag?

like lowkey judging not gonna lie but also extremely curious??

45 notes • Posted 2021-09-29 21:56:49 GMT

#1

totally not me watching a show purely because theres a gay character/couple/ship in it

416 notes • Posted 2021-04-04 23:11:56 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[chases-gerty]

hi! ive got u a prompt! gert x chase, but chase pining hard on gert and gert not even realising it omfg: “Gods I missed you, you have no idea how boring it’s been.”

Idk if you could call this pining but I still hope you like it. Set before runaways and doesn’t link up with my other drabbles. Thank you so much @zpidey-sense for sending in this prompt! ❤️❤️❤️ 

Gert flew into the room like a bee buzzing its way to the sugary drink you’d leave poolside on hot sunny day. Walking into Timely had made her buzz with excitement at the prospects of seeing her friends. Gert was happy to be back from her summer vacation with her parents. They’d made her and Molly tag along on their European Cheese Tour. Four weeks and eight cities all dedicated to her parents love of cheese. Gert was absolutely tired of cheese and her parents. Don’t get her wrong she loves them, but man they could be over enthusiastic about cheese.  

“I’m all cheesed out.” Gert said as she sat beside Chase.

Chase looked up from his tablet with wide eyes and a bright smile.

“That bad?” He said with his eyes sparkling with amusement.

“If I have to hear It’s all Gouda, Cheezus, and You gotta be brie kidding me one more time; I’m gonna lose my mind.” Gert replied with her famous eye roll. “I get it my parents love cheese but subjecting Molly and I to their obsession with cheese is plain old torture. I think my parents are like Leslie Dean, but instead of light and positivism getting shoved down our throats, its cheese.”

Chase’s laughed exploded out of him. Gert’s bluntness was so direct it was hilarious at times. His chest constricted tightly as he watched her laugh along with him. Her eyes were filled with a mirth that he’d only noticed he could bring out in them.

“Gods I’ve missed you, you have no idea how boring it’s been.” Chase says before he can stop himself.

He wouldn’t openly say something so real but he’d been missing Gert like crazy. She was a sarcastic bright light in his very dark life. He could pretend on the outside that his dad didn’t hurt him and his mom, but in his mind it played over and over. He constantly worried about his mom and how he could stop his dad from being angry at them all the time, but with Gert around his brain took a break. She always knew what to say to make him laugh and the amazing part was she wasn’t trying. Gert was just always Gert and that was the best part about her.

Gert’s eyes widen for a second and he could see a faint pink tinge settle over her cheeks. He watched as she opened her backpack and said.

“I got you this. It’s silly but I don’t know I just thought about you when I saw it.”

Gert held out a keyring with a smiling cheese ball attached. Chase didn’t know why but his heart felt like it was going to explode. He knew he was proably smiling like a dope right now but he just couldn’t help it. Gert could be the meanest, sarcastic, bossiest girl you’d ever encounter but she truly was the sweetest.

“Thanks, Gert.” He replied trying to contain his smile and added. “Chase the cheese ball has ring to it.”

Gert giggled as she patted his leg gently. That moment ,as he watched the only girl that ever seemed to matter to him look at him softly, he knew he’d never stop seeing her.

[court-0f-dreamers]

ACOTAR + 1 tag game

Rules: Answer the questions that are already here and add 1 of your own. Then tag 10 people.

I was tagged by @eternally-reading​ and @rhysand-vs-rowan​. Sorry it took me forever to do but it is fun to see all the new questions that have been added!! Do my extra question if you like :D (Maria, since you first tagged me, my questions have doubled! XD which is exactly the sort of reward I should not be granted! :P)

1. Out of the 3 ACOTAR books, which one is your favourite?

Ahhh its hard! I love how all the different characters develop through the books and you really need all of them together to appreciate each character but probably Mist and Fury. Because, despite everything that happens, it has the most sweetest feysand moments (THE SHOE SCENE, all the reading/writing lessons, feyre meeting the inner circle, their school trip to Summer court :P, them discovering their powers, oh and of course, Us the readers discovering Rhysand for the first time). I love it!

2. Who is your favourite character and why?

The first time I read it definitely Rhysand - he was just too special and pure for this world (the first time, after WAR we have him for good now). The next couple of reads, when my *heart eyes* for Rhysand finally allowed me to see other characters, I would say Azriel. He’s just such a man of mystery, and there is so much unexplored with him that I can’t wait to get into! 

3. Who is your least favourite character and why?

Hybern - and not cause he’s the Big Bad of MAF and WAR. It’s because he’s not a very interesting villain. He’s a lazy king that goes to war for essentially economic reasons, and sure he lets his people (who seem particular awful) develop a penchant for that particular brand of torture and violence, but he’s not particularly *anything*. Evil for the sake of evil-type villain doesn’t grip me, so I’d have to pick his character. 

4. Top 3 favourite pairings?

Feysand, Nessian, and Feyre-Tarquin’s friendship! (i really wanna see more of that!)

5. To what Prythian court do you belong?

I just did the quiz and its Night court!!!   Apparently like the rest of us night court people - “Admirers are drawn to you like moths to a flame but, rather than burning them with your vanity and arrogance, why not work on the nurturing part of your nature?”

6. One Unpopular Opinion about ACOTAR

I don’t like the death bargain. I think SJM is very careful how she portrays mental illness and it usually very sensitive to these things, but I feel like the death bargain is a little bit like a suicide pact, and I don’t like that idea. I think Feyre and Rhysand actually have a very healthy relationship (which is rare in this genre and one of the reason’s why I love SJM so much!) and I think that they can work on their trust issues so that Rhysand stops sacrificing himself for his family in a way that doesnt need to resort to tying their lives together in an almost unhealthy-dependant way. *lets breath out* ok i’m done. its my most controversial opinion about ACOTAR and i dont think ive voiced it yet! 

7. Place the Inner Circle into the Hogwarts Houses

Gryffindor: Cassian*, Mor

Hufflepuff: Elain, Lucien

Ravenclaw: Azriel

Slytherin: Nesta*, Rhysand**, Feyre, Amren

*would also be captain of the house Quidditch team

**Hogwarts head boy

8. Favourite quote?

“Night Triumphant- and the Stars Eternal.”

Feysand - the visual, knocks my socks off!

9. What are you hoping will happen in ACOFAS?

I hope we get lots of Feysand, but also NESSIAN!!! and some love for Azriel and Mor - because that they both deserve the best people! Also i think it’ll set up the next big bad.

10. If you had to share a room with The Bone Carver, Stryga, or Bryaxis; which would you choose?

Bryaxis!!! It seems like it’d be cool to talk to (and definitely to befriend to have fighting for your side). The death siblings are creepy.

11. Favourite Scene?

All the Feysand flirting scenes...I love when he’s tutoring her, when they go to get the rings, when they go to summer, when they train with her powers in the wilderness and then train with his powers in the bedroom ;) ;) ;) 

12. Least Favourite Scene?

Hmmmm probably the time in the middle of acotar where Feyre is painting and frolicking (for want to a better word) in Spring. Things start getting interesting when she finally meets Rhys. I remember going.. “la la la...not much happening..*flipping pages* and then.. “The most beautiful man i’ve ever seen”!!! 

13. Did you read Wings and Embers?

Yup! loved it! so glad SJM gifted us with that one! 

14. If there was a court spinoff, which one would you like to read more about?

Summmmer! Because Tarquin is so adorkable! I just want him to grow up idolizing Rhysand and becoming a wonderful high lord as a result. And also, Day - i think a spin-off with him finding out about Lucien and the drama that ensues would also be a fantastic read! 

15. If you could change one thing about the series what would it be?

Again, totally agree with @rhysand-vs-rowan (great minds? ;)) Hybern is just not a compelling enough villain. 

16. Does Tamlin deserve a good redemption arc?

Yes, absolutely. Tamlin is your classic “trying to do the right thing in all the wrong ways” character, plus he has some major flaws with his proud obstinate personality but unlike Amarantha, he does not relish in being the bad guy, and in fact doesnt even see himself as the villain in the story, which to me means that he can change and i’d like to see that happen. (I am in no way saying that what he did wasnt completely wrong and abusive, but I would like to see him realise his mistakes and face the demons that drive him)

17. Do you have any specific dream cast/fancasting for any of the characters?

Ahhh this fandom does such a good job with fancasts, I love all of them! (So no. no one specific. I like looking at all the beautiful people that are recommended fancasts) 

18. If you could take the place of any character in the series, whose place would you take and why?

Feyre!! :D Not that I would do anything that differently, but I mean come on, I then get to live our chapter 55...Need I go on? 

19. What’s your favourite piece of fanart/fanfiction?

Wow this is very hard because there is some really amazing fanart and fanfiction on tumblr!! but probably @merwild because I just LOVE LOVE how she draws rhysand and feyre’s faces. Its exactly how I imagined them and this is probably my favourite one (although i love her nsfw inn scene and ch55 ones too!) 

Awww man with fanfic its so hard! Probably, and this is probably an unexpected choice but, Poison in the Wound - it was the first fanfic i read in this fandom, and i was having majorrrrr feels about how things ended with Tamlin and Feyre. And it still felt unresolved for me and i wanted to close that wound in my book-heart (?idk how else to describe it but you know what i mean by that right?)

20. Which is your favorite picture in the ACOTAR coloring book?

I have it but i’m currently colouring in throne of glass atm so i dont know yet :) 

21. Where do Mor, Cassian, and Azriel live? ;)

ahhhhh good question! I totally think they have their own secret hole-in-the-wall apartments like Amren has, everyone else in the inner circle knows where their apartments are but they pretend like they dont know where or notice when they sneak off to their apartments because they want each other to have their own privacy. 

22. My question - Where do you think Rhysand gets his clothes from? 

I’m tagging @urbisie, @verifiefangirl @oblivionsdream @iwouldtrusthagridwithmylife @highlady-of-slytherin, @lucienforhighlord, @mydarlingwhitethorn (sorry if any of you have already done this!)