#i just needed to vent a little cause really
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It's Friday and for some reason it feels a little peculiar, a little off. The air is a buzz with some kind of weird energy and I don't know why but I have feeling today will be a very memorable day. Just a feeling!
I told you today would be an odd day as Candela, yes, that Candela, texts me? My heart skips a beat as I read the message, confused at what I'm seeing as uncertainty kicks in. Could it be her? I thought I'd never see her again and while she's always been a close friend I wonder...do I want it to be her? Do I want that piece of my past dipping back into my life? Would I want her back in my life? Definitely, but I worry about how much of the past she might drag into my current mostly happy life. I tried to call her but I got nothing back. Maybe that is for the best.
I was ready to dwell on it maybe investigate it further but Pascal comes sweeping into the room, angry about something, likely his kick ball thing. It's always about futbol with him isn't it? I'm proven correct the moment he opens his mouth.
"It's the manager," he starts and his whole face is tinted with his anger. "I keep telling him he plays me too deep, I need to be up more, attacking more! We would have won if-"
"Pascal, my dear, I have no idea what you are talking about," I really have no clue.
"I'm trying to win games here and I'm not sure what he's trying to do? Prove a point? He claims we win the ball more when I play-"
"Pascal!" I reach out for him, my hands finding his shoulders and arms, squeezing, getting a handle of him because he is really worked up about this. "You are speaking another language right now!" I joke, hoping to add levity to our conversation.
"Right," he calms down at once, settling down just enough so that he could think clearly. "You are right. I just wanted to vent, can't vent to the team because that could cause issues you know-"
"Oh," now I feel slightly bad. I have been meaning to learn more about this sports ball game he plays but I've been so busy and tired and pregnant. "Well, yes, you can vent to me! I just want you to know you might have to do more explaining is all!" He really seems to like that and I love that I calmed him down!
Pascal goes off to work and that left me here cleaning which is fine since I feel like I'm really just passing time. I don't have a food stand anymore so for now I have shifted into the more domestic kind of role. I'm sure once I do officially become a mama I'll have less and less time so maybe I should just enjoy the time I have right now!
Despite my feeling that something special might happen today nothing does. It plods on as a normal day but at least Sara decides to stop by and has a new hairstyle as well? I think she looks amazing with it! I wonder if this is because of her new mysterious boyfriend in any way?
"I love it! It frames your face perfectly!" Doesn't it? I can't help but gush about her new style and the smile on her face tells me she's happy with it too.
"Yeah, I was skeptical right after but waking up in the morning and seeing my reflection? Yeah, yeah, I look good, don't I?"
I beam my approval, she does, she's always have. She would struggle with her confidence but you know ladies sometimes a new hairstyle is all you need. "Is the new mystery guy the motivation or?"
That question makes her look a little doubtful and maybe even slightly offended? "No, no, I think he liked my old style to be honest? I just felt like...it was time to change something up?" She seemed uncertain about it, maybe the change was just a whim she had and went with it. Sometimes you have to go with the flow.
"A change is all you really need sometimes!" I chime in to reassure her and she gives me a small smile. Just then, it felt like the right time to dive into her love life or more particular this mystery guy. I was just ready to open my mouth when she beats me to it.
"What about you and Pascal?" She asks, curious as always. "He's been having a rough time out on the pitch lately."
I'm ready to ask what's wrong but she's eager to explain, taking a long breath. "I think they just haven't found the right spot for him, the right space. Chemistry issues. He started the season blazing hot but has slowed down some. I think the defenses are starting to key in on him, getting rough with him, frustrating him-"
"Oh," and I was listening intently but again, she's speaking a new language to me, one I haven't even tried learning. "I wish I knew what you were talking about."
She chuckles and waves it off. "Ah, it's just a kids game, but I guess it is taken a little seriously?" She then looked at my belly which is now hard to ignore. "You are huuuuuge!"
"Yeah, I'm just ready for her to come out at this point," I give my belly a few pats and she responds with a kick, maybe she's ready too.
"I'm definitely not looking forward to that whole process myself!"
"Oh?" My eyebrow raises because I think this is the first time she's talked about becoming a mom. "Are you and ummm, your mystery guy, you two are serious then?"
"I...maybe? It feels right, you know? It just feels...right. He's a good man, dedicated, attentive, driven. It feels right."
I nod, even though I'm not sure I fully understand. This pregnancy was unplanned for me. I'm not saying I regret it, far from it, but life is certainly coming at me fast. So I find that my only reply can be "Sometimes you have to listen to your gut," but I also realize this is my chance. "This guy, who is he? Can I at least get a name?"
She chuckles softly. "Oh, yeah sure, I guess that isn't big deal! It's Simo-"
"Sara?!?!" I cut her off, I wanted to know, I did but... "I-it's go time! C-can you drive?!"
I am thankful Sara was there since I doubted Pascal could make it home in time. She was steady and serious and once at the hospital things really started to just...happen. Needles, nurses, doctors, all in a flurry. All moving in a practiced ritual and moving a sone as if they were a team that had done this hundreds of times before. Maybe they have. I knew I was in good hands but still that wouldn't stop the fear. What if something goes wrong? What if she's not...whole? What if she comes out wrong? What if...
"Don't worry Miss Varela, your vitals are good, everything is fine, she's going to be beautiful," the doctor tells me. I take a deep breath and calm down.
After the 'pre-game' it was time for the first kick. I'll be honest and say it was not fun. All I remember from it was pain and the mantra of push and breathe, push and breath, push and breath, push and breath, push and breath, push and breath, push and breath...
For a moment I wondered when it would end. Hours had passed, how many I could not be sure, but eventually magic begun and after crying and wailing and pain and blood and tears I was holding her. She wriggled and screamed her lungs out, my little Florencia.
Frida Varela - Next Episode 8.5
#The Sims#The Sims 4#ts4#Sims#Sims 4#sims legacy#my sims#generation 1#soot#sims of our time#frida varela#florencia alcocer#sara chavez#pascal alcocer#candela pareja
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hey guys i've had two of the worst days ever. anyway uhhhhhhhhhhhh look at this sick cat.
#i don't even know how to express it in words i'm so tired#i've spent like the entire day crying I CRIED AT WORK jesus christ#i just needed to vent a little cause really#jesus fucking christ#i've written and rewritten these tags so many times cause i'm so sad and angry and frustrated#i feel hurt in a way i haven't felt for in so long#i feel so numb and yet i feel a profound sadness#special shoutout to my mom and my ray of sunshine @ user heartwig#love u both so much <3#thanks for keeping me sane today <3#back to the anger and the sadness and the drama of it all#idk i feel so many things none of them good#also my stomach is A MESS so that's gonna be super fun to deal with later!#can i just get some peace and quiet for just a little fucking bit jesus christ i'm not asking for a lot
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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highchoolers (and iori)
#thoughts: miyako and daisuke are chronic dresscode violators. miyako isnt allowed to wear a bandana or as many accessories as she does#daisuke usually wears tshirts instead of the button up and gets in constant trouble because of it#takeru's look is the most ordinary out of all of them because hes just happy to be here. usually unbuttons the blazer out of dysphoria tho#iori and ken go to different schools so they arent as accessible but they hang out very regularly#iori especially needs to be included because he's like. the universal little brother and feels abandoned easily#ken and hikari get really close in their hs years since they both struggle with depression and vent to eachother often#lastly i picked that iori screenshot to redraw cause it was cute he still retains his autistic flat expressiveness#.png#chock full of headcanons idgaf . transfem daisuke#digimon#digimon adventure#daisuke motomiya#davis motomiya#iori hida#cody hida#takeru takaishi#tk takaishi#hikari yagami#kari kamiya#miyako inoue#yolei inoue#sorey ken . next time
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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#question... has anyone of you with neighbors ever had your attention called over making noise bc it happened for me yesterday and i feelbad#it was 100% our fault it was really late and we didnt realize so the neighbors#hit the ceiling hard a few times but theh hit it a lot so they were clearly pretty mad 😥#obviously we're not going to do that again but like. irrationally terrified that they hate me cause i make noise sometimes#its also jarring bc I've always lived alone so I've always been extremely quiet almost like a ghost but its so much easier to make noise#if you're with someone else#god does this make sense?? augh. i just needed to vent a little#this is actually the second time we get a notice like that but over something else and now im worried babey!! what if the neighbourhood#kicks me out or something!! augh (this cant happen i dont think especially not about smth like this but like auuuggghhg panic)#I just dont wanna be a bad neighbour man
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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one of the most annoying interactions in the world, to us, is when someone establishes an opinion, people disagree with it, and instead of ignoring or blocking the people who can't mind their own business, the original person decides to become the most annoying person ever to literally everyone else in the interaction. "have you ever-" no, but we have seen the interaction happen very publicly multiple times and it never gets any less annoying. like we don't know how to tell you that acknowledging every comment or argument, no matter how cordial or even shitty, with some shitty snark ass remark is not endearing or funny. it's not going to prove a point to anyone. do you not have better things to do.
#Faye Vents#Faye Complains#it gets even more annoying when the annoying behavior extends even to people who are being respectful#or are just saying shit like ''i like x thing but i still see your point''#one of the interactions that stuck with us that really. solidified our hatred of this behavior.#was someone talking about how everyone who liked a specific brand of character design had bad taste.#''lesbians need to get better taste'' being a comment that stuck with us.#it came across our dash randomly one day.#and we were like ''oh. well; they're using characters from a game we like as an example feels bad but okay; not our problem''#and then we ended up catching just. a couple of reblogs on the chain. some cordial some not.#and just. just. the most infantile responses to them.#which caused us to foolishly look in the notes#and see it's just filled with op going through them and having just hundreds of stupid; infantile replies and reblogs to every single perso#who disagreed with them or called them out on their weird behavior in the notes.#just essentially dozens of jokes that amounted to ''*shits and burps at you* did you hear something'' to literally everything.#like are you 5. do you not have anything better to do.#do you have a job. a hobby. literally anything other than being an annoying shitlord on the internet. nobody thinks you're funny.#we don't know. it stuck with us really hard and it still bugs us to this day.#we don't know why. probably because; again; they used characters we liked as examples to their point. so we felt a little targeted.#we don't know; we needed to complain for 0.2 seconds.
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#day 4 on bupropion#i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing#but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn#when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything#im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours#bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game#idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better#and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week#i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted#literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence#but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now#some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body#and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone#some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...
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me: this is too much exposition. you should not directly tell all the time. let dialogue and tone/body language descriptions do some of the work
also me: this isn't exposition it's literally the second paragraph of chapter one you're setting up the plot you gotta drop a little exposition
also also me:
#I go back and forth back and forth back and forth and then I do zero actual writing and it's bed time 🙃#I need to STOP fucking myself up but I can't. I used to trust myself. at least a little. when I'd write.#like I never approached it with a big ego. I was always sick to my stomach when I'd hit 'post' on ao3.#I was always like IS this good though?#but now I can't even get a rough draft out without sabotaging myself which is 🙃🙃🙃🙃#I don't know where this extreme self doubt came from. It's been plaguing me for over a year.#I abandoned 2 massive major wips in the last year that I had poured WEEKS into. FILLED notebooks.#and my self doubt consumed me and I was like I cannot do this. scratched out the notebooks.#deleted the word docs entirely#now I KNOW I have one that's good. I KNOW it is. I KNOW this cause I've thought up the WHOLE fic. all the way to the end#and I wanna read it so bad#and that's how I know like. I got a live one on the line baby#I just. freak out. and quit. and that's not me. I don't know why this is happening.#but it's really discouraging and tough#and I just wish I could drag myself outta this weird self doubt spiral#and write this damn fic cause I KNOW I CAN. or at least I COULD. a year ago? this would already be written#all like 9-10 chapter of it. it'd be done and up and I'd be like ha I did it!#now I'm fucked.#I'm now done venting for the night I give up sleep meds time 🤷♀️
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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#tw vent i guess??#came here just to post smth that i'm most probably gonna delete later then leave#but aughhhh last week has been SO bad i really really needed to get it off my chest#had the final boss of a sick victorian child episode for like two weeks AND tons of college stuff to do-#-AND a test on a subject that i'm horrible at (and that i'm gonna fail fs)#AND i was supposed to get a septum which is something that i'd been looking forward to for literal YEARS#but upon telling my parents about it (cause they're kinda strict and ig they would like to know) i changed my mind#cause my mom took it SO personally.... like it was HER face not mine?🤨 but hey!#and although i had the decency to at the very least let her know that i was getting a piercing (which wasn't necessary for me to do but-#-i did it anyway out of consideration for her)#she has the fucking SPINE to tell me how i could do whatever the fuck i wanted if i cared more about getting it than about her opinion-#-but she would always think it was disgusting and that i had no right to get angry at her if she didn't look me in the face or#wanted to walk or be with me cause it'd make her embarrassed to be with me in public if i had that shit on my face.#and it hurts a lot not just bc of the fuckass piercing. but bc my parents (esp my mom) always react like this whenever i make a little-#-change on my appearanceor cut my hair or buy oversized clothes or whateverand like#if she's gonna be soooo hurt when i get a tiny piece of metal on my face. how is she gonna react when i tell her i want to get tattoos.#start taking hormones. change my name. get top and bottom surgery. be completely changed physically.#is she gonna die is the world gonna end. is she just going to stop talking to me forever.#because a piercing is not just a decoration. to me right now it's an extension of the changes i want to undergo on my body.#it's a step forward to looking the way i want too look#so a rejection to any change i do on my body feels like an indirect rejection to be being trans. and the fact that they're unaware of#just how deep their rejection cuts (bc i'm not out) makes me even angrier at them.#and upon the realization that if i ever came out to my mom (and the rest of my family too tbh) she would react *exactly* like this.#well. i did not take that very well.#wasn't very demure of her to say all that. not very mindful not very cutesy :/#also been sh-ing more bc if this and ughhh what a shit week. hope this one's better#also. i decided i'm still gonna get a septum this year. don't know when but fuck all that. it's gonna bother them all the same#no matter what time of the year i get it done. or if i do it in a year or two or five. so who gives a shit.#anyway. gonna delete later probably#📎
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Hi!!!!
Do you have any hcs for how Alicole would try and solve and argument with the kids? Like, their dynamic (especially Aegon with Alicole cause he’s the oldest) is just so interesting and I’ve always wondered how an argument/disagreement would play out with them
ooh, tasty concept.
with arguments amongst the children, they try and get them to take a step back. they'll each take a kid (or two if it involves all of them) and give them a hug or something of the like, easing the tensions, before helping them come to some sort of compromise or agreement.
when it comes to non petty arguments that every child has, the source of issues amongst the kids is the following;
with Aegon they have to settle his need to compensate for feeling as though he is lacking. he tends to pick on his siblings when he's feeling down on himself. so it's a lot of affirming words and hugs while also chiding his cruel behavior. he's definitely hard on himself about being cruel as well, he doesn't like being mean it just sorta comes out of him when he's not in good spirits about himself. he shoves his siblings away over little things when he's upset which only makes him feel worse in the long run. the whole situation makes it hard to parent, as it's not right how he treats his siblings at times, but it's also awful how he feels and how it presents itself. there's typically long talks after the fact. Aegon's usually in his dad's arms, more often than not, while he mom comforts him.
with Aemond it's cooling his temper and frustration, deep breaths and grounding. they remind him that he can't let every jab get a rise out of him, that he always had them to turn to when he needs help, that he's not alone to handle his anger. they try and learn more and more each time, what triggers his anger, what helps him calm down, what to avoid, etc. sometimes he needs to just be held other times he needs a moment alone to breathe. they also try and help him learn how to self regulate and also make his siblings aware that he's getting upset prior to him lashing out (they also talk to them about it).
with Helaena, arguments tend to be because she thinks so differently from her brothers. not only is she a girl in a house of boys, but also because she's autistic (I was the autistic 'sister' in a house of boys for most of my life, it definitely brewed some unique arguments, and I'm gonna project god damn it), their ways of thinking and doing are so different sometimes that she just loses it. so with her, they let her talk, they let her ramble and decompress until she can ground herself, then they have to try and explain the boys point of views, how they see may not be the right way, nor is hers, neither are, but they have to learn to agree. then it's hugs and kisses and talking it out, before they go back to hashing it out with the boys.
Daeron's the most agreeable with the siblings, very adhd coded in my mind (so I'm going to project my brother onto him cause they're very copy pasted in my mind) so when he gets into an argument it's because he's going too fast, too passionate, and/or too much. so again, like most of their children, it's grounding first talking later. like Helaena, they have to explain that the way he is isn't bad or wrong, but that's sometimes we need to slow down, take a breath, cool off, and than continue.
with arguments they take their kids separately, normally separated into different rooms and they visit them together. depending on the exact situation they may just offer hugs and softness, or they'll play a slight game of good cop/bad cop, though they're careful with it. the goal is to solve the problem, not slap a bandaid on it. they tend to each kids needs before handling the actual issue at hand and then being them together to find a solution.
they can both be soft and stern in their own ways. Cole is typically softer on them, as he gets to their levels, takes them close while talking, but he has a stern voice and makes it clear he's willing to put a foot down if need be. while Alicent tends to be a bit more formal and stereotypically authoritative, sitting at the table with them, even if she holds their hands in hers and pulls their chairs close so she can stroke their cheeks.
normally the kids can make right up, or at least come to peaceful terms, but if it doesn't, cause kids can hold grudges like no one's business, Alicent and Cole are forced to remain wholly neutral which is much harder than one would think. most of their fights that lead to grudges are very childish so it's really just waiting for them to crack and realize it was a stupid argument. this is made easier when they don't get involved, so they just laugh amongst themselves where the kids can't see them, and try and keep face in front of them (they can smell weakness and betrayal. send help. a 4 kids household isn't easy). they definitely have moments where they wave the white flag cause one of the kids accused them of siding. the "get along" shirt is also an active and well worn member of the family (Aegon and Aemond share it often)
this video is very much Aegon and Daeron. they feud often. they're either acting like Aegon is a second dad to him, or they are actually going to war and have been sworn enemies for generations, fighting a battle to honor their forefathers (Alicent and Criston are so tired). speaking of Aegon being a second dad, he definitely oversees a lot of arguments between Daeron and his friends... does he understand little kid drama? no. is it entertaining as all hell? you fucking bet, he wants to hear all about what little James did at daycare.
when the kids are arguing with them, which with the way they run the house is pretty rare, but not impossible, they first take a step back for themselves. they will never show anger or cruelty towards their kids, so they make sure they're ok before they even think about talking to their kids.
talking will always be their goal, they never want to use threats or punishments to get what they want from their kids, and they have different ways about it. because their kids know how their household works, that things work on their time, and that just being open and honest, they really just need a day or two to themselves, if the reason for arguing isn't time sensitive, and then they can just take it out.
Aegon is sulky, he just closes himself in his room or flees to a friend's house (which they let happen so long as he leaves a note, leaves his location on his phone, and checks in every few hours) if its really bad. he'll drag himself back to the kitchen table in 48 hours tops, wanting nothing more than for his mom and dad to love him again (they never stopped).
Aemond is just frustrated past reason, so he'll go out and fence with his dummy or just something physical, then he's more willing to listen to reason.
Helaena normally had a boundary or nerve pushed, which was normally accidental, either cause she was already frustrated with something or something changed and it just put both parties in bad positions. space is all she needs.
Daeron is a bit of all the above. he's sensitive, though hard to cross, its often more about other things, something his parent did just broke the camels back, so a long run brings everything back to reason.
Alicent and Criston care so much about their kids, every argument they have with their kids, typically one-sided as they refuse to truly yell, breaks their heart whether or not they did anything or not. they never plan to punish their kids for arguing, they were kids once and they know that its good that they feel safe enough to stand up and fight for what they believe to be true, that they feel safe to shout and disagree with them. they would rather that over anything else, cause they know their kids trust them.
while they aren't permissive with their kids, their are rules and hard limits, they don't count arguing as something to be punished, and their kids don't tend to strand into punishable territories. so resolving a fight is a long talk at the kitchen table, no man's land so to speak, where all parties air their grievances. the problem is discussed, apologies are said on all sides, and sometimes it doesn't always end in a hug, but it does end in feelings being soothed and bridges mended. no one walks away with hard feelings.
they're not perfect, but they make it work, and because they've put so much time and effort into making their home safe and sane, the whole family in therapy, making active efforts to be nothing like their first "home" true arguments are far and few between, and when they happen they're equipped to handle it. Alicent and Cole are such good parents, their kids love and trust them, theirs so much space to talk and negotiate and handle issues early on that there typically isn't any reason to fight. I think that's what makes them such a good family, cause its so hard for me to picture them actually fighting outside of petty things.
#I genuinely cannot picture this family fighting#like petty things between the kids or teenage angst hurled at Alicent and Criston that they laugh about a few hours later most definitely#they wouldn't be a family otherwise#but I think that real arguments are rare and I love that for them#definitely strived to find the balance between gentle and authoritative parenting so their kids are well structured#handle all of their problems when they were little and now most issues are easy#cyclebreakers fr fr#they're also all mommy/daddy's girls and boys#all their fights are just big feelings that need to be rode out#Aegon yelling at Criston cause he's young and dumb and hurting cause he got his heart broken at school or cause he had to think about#dead dumb dad and his teenage heart is angry and he needs to put it somewhere? I think yes. I also think he cried in his arms a few hours#later and begged for his dad to love him again. cause they're hopeless#Helaena losing her mind at her parents cause she's just so stressed and everything'd out by the world and they just happened to breathe the#wrong way at dinner? again. I think yes. and she felt so bad afterward and goes on a whole vent about school and people and does some DPT#after letting them both hug her really tight so she could calm down#Aemond getting frustrated cause they're “babying” him over the loss of his eye and just ending up a sobbing screaming mess cause he's just#so mad at the world and he doesn't know what to do with himself#Daeron's head getting too loud so he gets super upset and disregulated and starts yelling in his room. not even at them directly until they#come in. he just loses his shit for a minute until he's tuckered out and then he's a mess in his parents arms#teenage angst is a bitch and the source of everyone's problems#alicole#alicent hightower#criston cole#aegon ii targaryen#aegon targaryen#aemond targaryen#helaena targaryen#daeron targaryen#pro team green#hotd
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being a creative sucks never do this. (vent below sorry)
it's constant swinging of i love what i make and want to make it i need to make it now now now and FUCK FUCK FUCK MY LIFE I wna to die a little bit, everything is pain and tiring and the world sucks and why can't i just do things and im selfish and terrible and not even that good at art
#anyways. im fine i guess not really idk.#im not sobbing like i was yesterday!!! Im just tired and sick of this#aka im trying to find filming locations but u need permits and insurance of like 2mil and huh what do I even need that stuff#is someone gonna shoot me and take me to jail cause i want to film on my campus that iim not even a student at anymore#but one of my actors is and idk. i don't want to get him expelled. i don't want to get my friends fined#or sent to jail#or whatever. idk legal scares me#and maybe im just over thinking everything and hate the world and i wish i was a child with a camera again cause children can do whatever#but now im an adult with no job or schooling who just wants to shoot a silly little fan film of a fan project like idk#it feels like there's cameras everywhere and security and cops everywhere and it'd probably be a bad idea to try and film on campus#esp after the encapment fiasco from a month ago#but also i need a good industrial indoor location to film! I feel like taking photos is a different story#I feel like just going out with other cosplayers is a different story but im taking people who don't cosplay often and idk im so stressed#and anxious about everything i feel like a dog that just needs to be put down.#anyways.....#vent
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#i wish ppl wouldn’t buy me things and expect me to pay them back without like. telling me or asking me first. like ik she said she isnt lik#worried about when i can pay it back but /i/ am#i hate owing ppl money it stresses me out more than anything else#its why im constantly stressed about paying off my car#even tho I KNOW that i will be able to finish paying it off in time before the cut off#but. its still really stressful and i hate it a lot#cause then its all i can think about till its done#like if someone gets me a gift thats awesome n cool#but if you get me something because they might run out before i can get it and you expect me to pay you back#please like#ask first? before doing it? so i can plan on that kinda thing#or say no if i feel like i need to#even if its not stressful for YOU its stressful for ME#im happy to have what they got me and its not that expensive to repay#but i really didn’t want that pang of stress right now when im already dealing w stuff#little stressors are still stressors and they add up yk#i just. needed to vent where they wouldn’t see cause i dont like venting abut ppl where they can see it i think its rude#so obviously obligatory this is about no one on this platform even a little bit#delete later
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Growing up is weird
#silver rambles#vent#that post about the ‘how you knew someone else came from money’ is just. sticking with me#mostly cause as a kid I didn’t realize how bad off we were#like. I didn’t realize we got groceries from the food bank run by the church my dad worked at until I was a teen#it just. affected me subtly I guess#being worried about a $2 difference in shoes when I needed new ones because I liked the more expensive ones#and my mom having to convince me that it was fine#it still sticks with me#it’s really hard sometimes to not think about cost if my dad and I go get lunch or something#I’ve never been to another country#meanwhile my friends would go to Rome and Sweden and India and Greece and Mexico for their 12 year old trips#I stayed in the same state for the one with my mom and only went a state over for the one with my dad#but like#yeah. I always sorta knew#I just. couldn’t have told you that I knew#all the little things you didn’t know growing up#I didn’t know about the groceries thing until yeah. I was…16-17 I think#and now we’re much better off and I have my own job (technically two) but like…#hhh.#why is my brain fixating on this? idk#sorry#needed the thoughts out
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