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#i just needed to do something with it and i love Loop too much to not clean it up
drewsbuzzcut · 3 days
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New Chapter
Mat Barzal x model!fem!reader
A visceral in doses fic
Warnings: mentions pregnancy and includes smut
Takes place: Dec 2024/Jan 2025
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You toss your brand new keys up in the air only to catch them and clutch them tightly to your chest. The piece of metal means the world to you. It’s the symbol of the newest chapter in your life- your life with your boyfriend and unborn baby.
“Baby, I’m so happy,” you squeal and throw your arms around Mat’s neck.
His hands wrap around your back, keeping you pressed to him. You’re only 3 months pregnant at the moment, but he can’t wait until he feels your bump pressed against his stomach.
“I love you,” he mutters against your lips.
The kiss only lasts for a fraction of a second- much to Mat’s dismay. You’re too excited to stay in one area of your new home. You prance around the empty house, filling each bare spot with potential furniture. Mat doesn’t chime in much, unless it has to do with color scheme, but it’s because he’s too enamored by your sheer excitement. Your hormones have been a roller coaster the past few months due to your pregnancy, so Mat’s glad that your happiness seems to be a constant at the moment.
“Mat, this room is so perfect for the nursery,” you cheer, turning around in his arms to wrap them around his neck.
You stare at him with sparkling eyes, heart thundering in your chest and love spreading through your veins. You nuzzle your nose into his neck, needing your man wrapped around you.
“I think so too. The crib would look perfect against that wall, and the sunlight would perfectly stream through that window. Plus, the closet is a good size for all the clothes we will be buying,” he adds in softly, lips pressed to your temple. You let out an elated laugh, a sound that will soon fill every corner of your new home.
You walk through the rest of the house, Mat wrapped around you from behind. He pecks and nips at your flustered skin, his hands steady on yours hips to keep you flush against him.
“This place is so beautiful, Maty. It’s perfect for us as we transition into being a family. I mean just look at this backyard! Our baby will be so lucky to be able to have this,” you sigh contently, leading your boyfriend into the backyard.
Mat’s fingers interlock with yours, spinning you back into his chest because he really wants to look at your beautiful face.
“You’re beautiful and perfect,” he whispers back, his nose nudging into yours and his lips ghosting the corner of your infectious smile.
“Just kiss me already,” you demand, a gasp dying on your tongue when Mat pulls your face to his.
The keys on the key ring, looped around his finger, smack against his knuckle, making a smile form on his face and interrupt the lip lock. You pull away briefly for air, and to stare into Mat’s eyes. He stares at you with such tenderness that always makes your heart race and breathing faint. How can someone make you feel so alive while simultaneously taking your breath away?
Before you can even mutter a word, your boyfriend is hauling you up his body and carrying you over to the grass. His knees hit the ground and your back gets tickled by each bristle of green. Leaning down with both hands planted on the ground on either side of your head, he kisses along your jaw and down to your neck.
His hands move around your body from your thighs to your breasts, igniting the fire within you. His touch is sweet, but you can feel the lust building up in his palms. They bring a savory heat to your body, one that you know too well.
“Stop staring and just do something already,” you whine and toss your legs over his hips.
Your boyfriend grins down at you, thick fingers unbuttoning your jeans. He watches your reaction with darkened eyes as he pulls your pants down, licking his lips every time your hips jut up in search of him. And without warning, he rips your pinstripe blouse open, making a gasp fall from your mouth and buttons fly everywhere. To his desire, you’re wearing a lacy bra that leaves nothing to the imagination, but to your annoyance, you’re now left without a functioning top.
“You do realize you just ruined my blouse and now I’ll have nothing to wear when we leave,” you sass with an eyebrow cocked up.
“I’ll give you the shirt off my back anytime you need me to,” he hums, nose and lips trailing down the valley of your breasts.
You huff out a little whine and push your chest up into his, almost speechless but needy for his greedy hands on you again.
“Fuck that’s so hot.”
With a smirk, you draw his lips back to yours. A hand cards through his hair, fisting the strands as his tongue explores your mouth. Your other hand ventures underneath his shirt, giving some attention to his spectacular abs. If it weren’t for the way his mouth dominates yours in the most heated make-out, you’d be dying to lick down his abdomen.
“Maty, take off your clothes,” you instruct through heavy breaths and give him a hand with losing his wardrobe.
The minute he lines himself up with your core, thunder cracks through the sky. You startle a bit, leaning more into his touch. For a second Mat looks hesitant, like maybe he shouldn’t risk your wellbeing. Too bad you’re too far gone down the lustrous rabbit hole to care.
“It’s just a little rain. We won’t melt,” you say, getting him back on track. A raindrop of two won’t dare to ruin the mood.
“Are you sure?” He checks in, because the last thing he wants is for his pregnant girlfriend to be uncomfortable.
“Positive. Love me, baby,” you sigh and press a kiss into his jaw.
Mat lowers his body down onto yours, his bottom half in the cradle of your thighs. He pushes into you slowly and stills his body until you give him the green light to move again. Ever since you’ve become pregnant, Mat has had to learn a new version of your body-something he’s more than okay with. You get so sensitive and aroused by the thought alone of Mat. Your body practically bursts into flames when he’s actually having sex with you, so he knows to take it slow.
“You’re always so wet for me. You love the fact that I’m about to fuck you at our new house, huh?” The hockey player says so sweetly, you feel your pussy close around him.
“Yes. Please move, baby. I want to be full of you.” You press the heels of your feet into the small of his back, making him sink all the way into you.
A moan escapes from the both of you and dances with the whip of lightning. Mat’s hips swivel and pull you under a state of pleasure. His mushroomed tip glides along your walls and you think you might faint with how you can feel every inch of him. Your wetness can be felt making a mess between your thighs, and it’s surely dripping down his cock.
Deep in the throes of passion, you surrender yourself to your favorite Canadian. He fills you up, fighting his way out of you as your heat desperately tries to suck him back in, and then slams into you once more. His mouth finds one of your pert nipples, sucking on it through the material of your bra. He hums around the peak, sending a flurry of butterflies to your already wonton core.
After he’s had enough of being separated by the flimsy fabric covering your chest, he pulls away. His length is still sheathed inside of you as he unsnaps the clips of your bra. You find it incredibly sexy that he can do it with one hand.
Sitting back on his knees, he can’t even stop himself from watching the way your tight pussy swallows him. It should be a sin, the way he stretches you open, but still take him so well.
“You’re so sexy. I can look at you forever and never grow bored,” his compliment pricks at your skin in a way that can only be described as heavenly.
Hoisting your hips up in his hands, the tip of his cock hits your sweet spot. It sends you spiraling and has your hips matching each of his thrusts. You grip tightly onto his forearms and bear down as the knot in your stomach forms.
As intensity beats down on the both of you, Mat pins your hands into the ground. His eyes bore into your own. You fall in love with the way they’re blown wide with love and lust.
“You feel so good, pretty girl. Your pussy was made just for me. No one can fuck you the way I can,” he groans into your ear, grinning devilishly at the way you pulse around him. Your release is so close and Mat knows all your tells. You start to wither around and your noises get more high pitched.
“Fuck! I love you so much,” you heave out. Your heart beats out of your chest with each kiss that’s placed on your throat and each time he touches your clit.
After a louder clap of thunder, the one or two raindrops turn into a full torrential downpour. The mood is temporarily dampened as you shriek and Mat crowds you into his body.
A moment of silence follows before you both burst out in laughter.
Gently you wrap your arms around him, nails softly scratching at his back, and press a kiss to his lips. It’s all that needs to be done for him to know to continue.
“I love you,” he whispers into your mouth.
Your body arches into his as he pushes back into you. Your slick walls start to collapse around his length as the knot in your stomach tightens. That’s the thing about Mat, he can spark up your fire within a second if it’s ever extinguished.
“More,” you gasp out, nails digging into his skin.
He drives his hips as he holds onto yours, angling them up so he can hit deeper. You start to shake the moment he throbs inside of you. His salacious groans reach your ears and you clench down on him as your high vibrates through your body.
“Cum all over my cock, baby.”
You cry out, vision going white behind your closed lids and your toes curling. Mat doesn’t stop thrusting into you as he waits for your orgasm to completely work its way through you. Plus, the way he circles your clit makes you suck him deeper if it’s even possible. The sensation brings Mat’s release to the surface.
“Cum inside of me. Fill me up, hotshot. I want you to see the way you drip from my pussy. The way you fucked me so good, I couldn’t get enough of you,” you rasp, nibbling on his neck.
He plunges into your sensitive core, the sounds of wet skin slapping against each other fade into his moans of pleasure. You let out a whimper as he shoots his load inside of you. Your lips attach to his earlobe, sucking it into your mouth. You thrive in the feeling of satisfaction as you witness his eyes roll back and harsh shivers wrack his body.
“Well that’s one hell of a way to christen our new home,” Mat hums, eyes half lidded in sheer euphoria. His lips go back to kissing on your chest. It’s his own saying of grounding himself after experiencing such a high.
You giggle and welcome his body heat to warm you up from the cold droplets of water that grace your body. A soft feeling blooms in your heart, confirming just how wonderful your life is at the moment. You nose at his broad chest and move his arms so that they wrap around you.
“Just think about all the other rooms we can still christen,” you muse, a cackle spilling from your mouth when you feel Mat’s cock stir against your thigh.
a/n: I hope you all enjoy! I loved writing this one (even though I’m not crazy about the smut part)
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moonpascal · 14 hours
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IN THE SHADOW OF MEMORY
CHAPTER FOUR I series masterlist I wc: 3.4k
WARNINGS:
hurt/angst, lonelines, lots of dialogue
AUTHORS NOTE:
thank you to @amiableness my love as always gave me the encouragement i need for these things!
sorry for the long wait! i played hogwarts legacy for the first time and got sucked in. but it did help me with visioning locations and everything. hopefully chapter four was worth the wait (idk feels like a filler lol)
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The past few days had been agonizingly unproductive since you realized the extent of your memory loss—entire chunks of the last year and a half simply gone. 
Hermione, stubborn as ever, refused to tell you what you were missing, no matter how much you begged. You knew she was hiding something, and it frustrated you to no end. These were your memories, after all—you had every right to know what had been erased.
The memory that played in the great hall never left you. You couldn’t be sure if it was a fragment of what was lost or just your mind playing tricks on you. Either way, it felt personal, too personal to share with her without knowing for certain if it was real.
But every time you tried to push through and remember more, it was as if a wall slammed down in your mind, sending a jarring, almost painful shock that stopped you cold. Why had this happened to you? Was it an accident, or had someone targeted you? The questions were maddening.
Caught in a loop of pacing and rubbing your temples in frustration, you accidentally kicked your trunk, sending the pile of jumpers and a tie sprawling across the floor. Huffing in annoyance, you bent down to fold them again, ignoring the nagging sense of familiarity they stirred. You were too irritated, too overwhelmed to connect it.
Just as you finished folding the last item, Grace walked in, looking thoroughly exhausted.
“Tough class?” you asked, trying to shift your focus.
She let out a small, tired laugh as she dropped her bag at the foot of her bed. “I wish. Just boys not taking no for an answer,” she sighed.
You shot her a sympathetic look, knowing the feeling all too well. “Wouldn’t happen to be a certain Slytherin whose clothes I keep tripping over, would it?” you teased, holding up the pile.
Grace gave you a sharp, confused look for a moment, and you worried you’d said the wrong thing. But then she forced a smile. “Right! That’s… um, exactly why he’s upset, but he really shouldn’t have left his closet in our dorm,” she said, a nervous edge to her voice.
“Serves him right,” you laughed, before glancing at the clothes again. “But on a serious note, could you possibly return these to him? Or maybe I should just throw them out? They’re taking up space, and I keep knocking them over.”
“Oh,” Grace said, eyes widening like she’d just been reminded of something important. She grabbed the pile from you a bit too quickly. “Of course! I’ll do that right now.”
Before you could protest or tell her she didn’t need to rush, she was already out the door, leaving you standing there, even more confused than before.
In her hurried state, she might have noticed the pesky tie that slipped off again. 
You knew you needed to study and catch up on your missing assignments, but any excuse to procrastinate sounded more appealing. Weighing your options for a brief moment, you grabbed the tie and left the room, hoping to catch up with her.
Exiting your out of the common room and bounding down the stairs, you guessed Grace was heading toward the Slytherin area.
Hopefully, you could catch her but luck wasn’t on your side—she was on a mission, and you didn’t spot her once as you made your way through the castle.
The dungeons weren’t a place you frequented, so you were surprised when you managed to navigate there on your first try. 
Upon arriving, you saw Theo trudging down the steps, the pile of clothes in his arms. You faltered, a strange pang coursing through you for reasons you couldn’t explain.
You considered a quick escape, but Theo called your name before you had a chance to move.
“What are you doing down here?” he asked, a touch of surprise in his voice. You didn’t have any classes together today, so it was unexpected to see you. He shifted the clothes under his arm, stepping closer.
“I tried to catch Grace—she dropped this,” you awkwardly gestured to the tie in your hand, “but I guess I found the culprit.”
Theo’s eyes widened at the implication, his heart sinking a bit. “No, these aren’t mine,” he quickly corrected.
You shot him a skeptical look. “So, you and Grace aren’t... involved?” you asked, waving your hand in a vague motion.
Theo scrunched his face in disgust, shaking his head. “No, never. She’s just a friend. She gave these to me to return to one of the guys.”
“Right,” you said, though still not entirely convinced. “Well, make sure he gets his tie back, too.” You draped it over the pile in his arms.
“Right, of course. Thank you for bringing it,” Theo smiled, and any doubt you had about him lying slowly drifted away. You found yourself staring at him, that smile triggering a flash of a memory—the same one from before.
Could it have been real? Theo seemed different now, kinder than you remembered. And how had you never noticed how... easy on the eyes he was?
“Woah, Tesoro, are you okay?” Theo’s voice brought you out of your thoughts, and you realized he had a hand on your shoulder and another gently cupping your cheek. The clothes he’d been holding were forgotten on the ground. 
His face was so close to yours that you instinctively took a step back, but the absence of his touch left you yearning.
“I’m sorry, what?” you said, dazed and confused, not fully processing why he was asking.
“Your nose—it’s bleeding. Let’s get you to sit down,” he said urgently, grabbing the tie and guiding you to a nearby bench. You almost tripped from how sudden it was.
“I’m fine, really, Theodore,” you insisted, brushing it off. “This is probably the fourth one today.” The moment the words left your mouth, you regretted it.
“Fourth?” His tone grew tense, his eyes full of concern. “Are they accompanied by anything else? Headaches? Nausea? Fainting spells?” He inspected you, wiping the blood from your upper lip with the now-ruined tie.
You shrugged, trying to seem unbothered. “Not all the time. I don’t think it’s that serious.”
Theo, however, looked far from reassured. “That’s not normal,” he muttered your name, his worry etched deeply into his face.
“Theo, really, I’m fine. Just a little tired,” you tried to comfort him, but his expression barely softened. Hearing you use his name, though, seemed to snap him back. He pulled back slightly, still visibly rattled. 
“Right, sorry,” he stammered, dropping his hands from you as if your touch burned him. 
“I appreciate the concern, though,” you said, genuinely touched by how much he seemed to care. A stark contrast from the Theo you were used to. “Could we talk later? I have this thing that I can’t seem to figure out.” 
He blinked, seemingly taken aback by your suggestion. In truth, you were a bit surprised by it yourself.
“I have Quidditch practice tonight, but how about tomorrow?” he offered, a bit nervously.
“Perfect,” you grinned. “See you tomorrow then, Theodore.”
He smiled in return, and for a moment, you found yourself wanting to stay and just stare at him. Another part of you still hesitated, wary of his past actions and the memories you couldn’t access. But maybe he had the answers. 
You watched him walk away, a slight spring in his step as he bent to pick up the discarded clothes. He disappeared into the Slytherin common room, the snake door sliding shut. The sight surprisingly comforted you. 
You sat for a moment before finally rising from the bench and starting the walk back to your common room. Your mind was a tangled mix of questions, emotions, and fleeting familiarities that refused to come into focus. It felt like your brain was in overdrive, struggling to fill in blanks without knowing where to start.
The walk back to your dorm felt like a blur, your mind racing with thoughts of how to piece together the gaps in your memory. You needed answers, but the trio seemed determined to keep you out of the loop, offering vague reassurances that only deepened your frustration.
You hated the way they looked at you—like you were fragile, something to be handled with care. It made you feel small, like you weren’t capable of understanding your own situation. The growing silence around what was happening to you was suffocating, and your dorm had become the only place where you didn’t feel on edge.
As you spotted Harry ahead in the corridor, you sped up, determined to find a distraction from the overwhelming pressure of your missing memories. You bumped him lightly with your shoulder, forcing a smile. “Hey, stranger. Haven’t seen you in a while. Want to sneak off to Hogsmeade?”
Harry hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “Trouble, I would, really, but I’ve got Quidditch practice tonight.”
Your smile faltered, a flicker of confusion crossing your face. If Slytherin had practice, there was no way Gryffindor did too. The rivalry between the two houses was so intense they could barely play fair in an actual game, let alone share the pitch for practice. You opened your mouth to question him, but Harry quickly cut you off.
“Tomorrow, yeah? We can go then. It’s Saturday, so no sneaking required.” Giving you an awkward smile. 
“Right. Tomorrow.” You nodded, but the unease gnawed at you. First Theo, now Harry. The feeling of being lied to—it stung more than you wanted to admit. Harry never hid things from you before, and Theo—well, you didn’t know him well enough to judge, but it still hurt.
You turned away before Harry could say more, heading in the opposite of his direction- mind you was not towards the pitch. 
When you finally reached your dorm and shut the door behind you, the quiet hit you hard. Alone again, the weight of the past few days crashed down. You dropped onto your bed, letting out a shaky breath. The frustration, confusion, and hurt welled up, but you couldn’t bring yourself to cry. You just lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling more isolated than ever.
No one was being honest with you. They were keeping you at arm’s length, treating you like you couldn’t handle the truth. You were left to fend for yourself, with only half the pieces to a puzzle that seemed impossible to solve. You felt pushed aside, only to be dealt with when it was convenient.
It hurt more than you wanted to admit, and the pity party you were throwing yourself was, for the moment, the only thing that felt comforting.
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“Fridays, we’ll go to the Astronomy Tower at midnight. It’ll be our thing.”
The words jolted you awake. You blinked, disoriented, scanning the dark room. The moonlight filtered in softly, casting long shadows. You rubbed your eyes and looked around, hoping to find the source of the voice, but the room was silent. Your roommates’ curtains were drawn, and their steady breathing filled the space.
You lay back, trying to make sense of what you’d heard. Maybe it was a dream. Or maybe, another memory trying to break through the haze?
After tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity, it became clear you weren’t going to be able to fall back asleep. Frustrated, you sighed and threw off the covers, slipping on your shoes. Before you knew it, you were out the door, your curiosity leading you through the corridors.
You tiptoed through the common room, careful not to wake anyone. Without Harry’s cloak, you had to rely on the disillusionment spell to stay hidden, but you knew it wasn’t foolproof. 
You navigated the quiet halls, turning corners and climbing staircases with no real sense of direction, yet somehow you felt like you were being pulled somewhere—guided by the echo of those words.
Soon enough, you found yourself at the base of the Astronomy Tower. You hesitated for a moment, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu before your feet carried you up the winding staircase. The ascent felt both familiar and foreign, like a path you had walked countless times. It felt like your body was moving on its own, like it knew something your mind hadn’t caught up to yet.
When you finally reached the top, you paused. The silence of the tower wrapped around you, and with a quiet exhale, you removed the disillusionment spell, standing under the vast, starry sky.
The silence was broken by a cough, jolting you from your thoughts. You nearly screamed, spinning around to see Theo sitting against the railing, watching you with curious eyes.
“Merlin! Theodore, you scared me!” you hissed, clutching your chest as your heart pounded.
“Sorry,” he chuckled, clearly finding your reaction amusing. You glared at him, but he just smiled.
“What are you doing up here?” you asked, exasperated as you stepped closer to where he was sitting.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he smirked. The teasing tone was so typical of him, and despite everything, it brought you some comfort.
You rolled your eyes. “Needed some air. And you?”
“Something like that,” he shrugged, taking a drag from the cigarette between his fingers.
“You know those things will kill you, right?” you said, deciding to sit down next to him. You tucked your legs beneath you, resting your back against the railing.
“I’ve heard,” he replied, exhaling the smoke away from you before flicking the cigarette to the ground and crushing it with his foot.
You bit your tongue, resisting the urge to lecture him about the littering. “Maybe you should take their advice.”
He chuckled softly humming in response, leaning his head back against the railing, eyes closed. For a moment, neither of you spoke. Strangely, you felt more at ease up here with him than you had in days.
With his eyes closed, you stole a glance at his face—the messy hair, the moles dotting his skin, and those lips… You quickly looked away, mentally scolding yourself.
“So,” he said, grabbing your attention. His gaze so focused it made you avert your eyes again, “what really brought you up here?”
“I’m… not sure,” you admitted, fidgeting with the fraying edge of your skirt. “I thought I heard a voice, but it could’ve been a dream. It said something about Astronomy Tower at midnight, and I got curious.”
You noticed Theo’s jaw clench briefly before relaxing again, making you frown slightly. “And you?” you asked, trying to redirect the conversation.
“Just needed some quiet,” he said, hesitating for a moment. “But… what was it you wanted to talk about earlier?”
You had nearly forgotten about that. Now that he asked, the words seemed to stick in your throat. You wanted to say you could wait, let him have his moment of peace, but you needed answers.
“Oh, right,” you sighed, unsure of where to start. “I’m not sure how to explain it.”
“Take your time,” Theo reassured, his voice soft, and you were grateful to see no judgment in his eyes.
You took a shaky breath, trying to gather your thoughts. It was hard to know where to even begin.
“Long story short, I lost a chunk of my memories,” you started, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “And the other day, I think I had a flashback of one… with you?”
Theo immediately straightened himself, his attention fully locked on you.
“I was—um, what was your memory about?” he asked, his voice a little shaky as if he was trying to stay calm, but you could sense a bit of hope behind his eyes.
“Don’t laugh,” you warned, giving him a serious look, though a faint smile tugged at your lips. “We were in the Forbidden Forest, I think. I was upset about a letter, and you came along, and we… burned it. Does that sound familiar at all?” You searched his face, praying that this wasn’t just your imagination playing tricks on you.
Theo’s expression tightened, his brow furrowing as if he was choosing his next words very carefully. He looked torn, like saying the wrong thing might somehow hurt you more.
“It’s just… we only had our first conversation a few days ago, right?” you added, trying to lighten the mood despite the tension.
He grimaced slightly, rubbing his eyes. “No,” he sighed, his voice heavy. “That was a memory. That night in the Forbidden Forest—that was the first time we really talked. I was out there trying to clear my head, had a lot going on, and then I heard you. You were crying. I didn’t expect to find you out there.”
“Have we… had more conversations since that night?” you asked cautiously, feeling a strange mix of relief and confusion.
Theo hesitated, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, we did.” 
“Could you tell me more? Did we hang out after that? Were we friends or just acquaintances? I just feel so lost and confused. You confirming this is the first bit of clarity I’ve had in days,” your voice cracked, the weight of everything you’d been carrying finally slipping through.
Theo’s face shifted, a mixture of pain and hesitation crossing his features. He looked away briefly, his hands gripping the railing beside him. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, careful. “I wish I could tell you everything… I really do.”
He paused, glancing at you before continuing. “But… it’s not that simple.”
Your heart sank at his words, a mix of frustration and sadness settling in your chest. “Why? What’s stopping you?”
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t want to, believe me. We just don’t know what could happen if we sprung all this information onto you, how the spell or you would react if we try to fill in all the gaps. I mean you’re already having nosebleeds and intense migraines from no one even saying anything. If we push too hard, it could make things worse.”
Theo’s voice softened as he continued. “I just don’t want to hurt you more than you’re already hurting.” His eyes searched yours, hoping you’d understand.
You looked away, the sting of disappointment dulling the relief you’d felt just moments ago. “But I need to know, Theo. I can’t keep living like this, with these blanks and half-truths. Everyone’s treating me like I’m fragile, like I’ll shatter if they say the wrong thing.” Your voice trembled, a mix of anger and helplessness rising to the surface.
Theo shifted closer, his hand hovering just above yours before he hesitated and withdrew. “I get it,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “But trust me when I say this—it’s not that we’re all in on some secret without you. We’re just… trying to keep you safe.”
The vulnerability in his eyes made your heart ache. You could see the struggle there, the pull between wanting to protect you and the desire to be honest. He wasn’t just holding back for the sake of secrecy—it was out of concern for you.
“Safe from what?” you asked, your voice thick with emotion. “I feel more trapped than safe. Like I’m stuck behind this wall, and everyone’s watching me struggle without actually helping.”
Theo exhaled, his brow furrowing as he searched for the right words. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but we’re doing the best we can. It’s not that we don’t want to tell you—it’s that we don’t know what’ll happen if we do.”
You bit your lip, feeling that familiar swell of frustration rise again. “So I’m just supposed to wait? Until what? Until my memories come back on their own? What if they never do?”
Theo breath stutters and he hesitates. He’s tried his best not to think of that possibility, that you’ll come back to him and this in time would be a funny memory. “I don’t have all the answers. But you’re not alone in this, okay? Even if it feels like it.” 
You wanted to believe him. Despite everything, you could sense that Theo genuinely cared, even if he couldn’t give you the answers you desperately sought. You looked at him, your chest tightening with the mix of anger and sadness swirling inside you. “I just wish I knew what I was missing.”
Theo nodded slowly, his eyes heavy with the weight of things left unsaid. “When the time comes, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”
For a moment, there was nothing but silence between you. The cool night air seemed to press down, the weight of your shared secrets hanging in the space between you.
Finally, you nodded, feeling a small sense of comfort in Theo’s promise, even if it couldn’t give you what you needed right now.
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If you enjoyed, please please reblog or comment! Your words keep me motivated to write and make me so happy <3
dividers by @saradika-graphics
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l0stfoster · 2 days
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Paul anon here to say eeeeeeYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE ME SOME CURSED PAUL DOODLES THATS MY SCRUNKLY BOY IM LOEHEVDJDGUEHE I LOVE PAUL HOLDEN
I wanna know more about the feather situation now tho ohhhh you got me intrigued ohhhh my goddddd
And paul just thinking and knowing hes the reason johnny’s in a wheelchair and that’ll probably haunt him for the rest of his life cuz now hes so associated with the greasers he probably knows johnny a lot better now and ohhh im gonna be sick . He probably has so many feelings about the shit he did b4 he was kicked out of the house ohhhh my sweet boy i love you so bad
Paul anon I hope you know you're an icon among the writers. Novva has previously expressed how much they want to put you in a jar and observe you (/pos)
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As always I am so joyous that you're enjoying Paul here hehe. I've said it once and I'll say it again. Canon Paul can go kick rocks, Cursed Paul, on the other hand, needs a break from me. I talk a lot below so yeah another below the cut.
The feather situation was a little thing I'd thought about recently, since I've brought up to the writers before about how Two would eventually offer Paul a feather for flock marking, and Paul, by god, does NOT want the feather. Not only does he feel like he doesn't deserve it for what he's done; but it proves something about himself too- that he's getting attached. What the fuck does it say about him if he begins to connect with these people? It doesn’t help the guilt, that’s for sure. Two tries for probably months to get him to take it; literally days on end of offering and being ignored or shrugged off- finally, Paul takes it, but he doesn't wear it, nor does he keep it on his person. The only reason Paul wears it visibly for the first time is because god DAMN does Two pull off some REALLY good sad, pathetic bird eyes (and Dally looks ready to kill him for upsetting Two-Bit, so.)
He just gets so damn unlucky with the timing and circumstances surrounding it. Not only do the harpies already hold beef with him because of Two’s original jumping and the feather issue (most of them are clueless to the fact that Two’s forgiven him, while others are aware and have kinda chilled), but having a soc who’s harmed one of their own in their territory does not sit well with a majority of them, even all these months later; something especially impactful to the Shepard’s Gang. The second one harpy spots Paul with this feather, the immediate assumption is that he’d taken it just as he did with the first one.
I don’t talk about the Shepard’s all too much, but this is a good time to mention that Two and Tim are pretty good friends— so, well, he takes this as a matter that he can settle himself; and it’s a good way to warn this rich boy imposing on their territory that he’s on strike two of three, whether he’s one of the cursed or not.
Paul Gets Jumped, Part 2. It’s definitely not as bad as when the socs got him because, despite their gripes, Tim is half aware that Darry does gaf about this guy (he’s very out of the loop, and doesn’t even know the two are dating). As bad or not, it does freak Paul the hell out due to how familiar it felt to the first time he was jumped. That’s called trauma big guy, you and Johnny can bond over shaking like chihuahuas when you walk home alone. They take the feather away from him too, and you bet your ass he will NOT ask Two-Bit for another one because he doesn’t want him thinking Paul had purposefully disposed of it, especially with how often he’d been turning it down. This mf also ends not up being very fond of harpies outside of the ones he knows (ie; Two, Mrs. Mathews, etc) for a little while. Refuses to walk outside the house unless he’s got someone else with the gang. Two dive bombs on and grabs Paul while he’s walking home once and the entire East side loses power for like 5 hours lmao. Two was not happy when he found out about it too. Harpy: “Oh yeah we got this back from a soc while ago here" Two: Two: “-Isn’t that Paul’s?” Harpy: Harpy: “Th. The soc?” Two: “Yeah??? Paul??? Darry’s boyfriend?? This was his-“ Harpy: “I mean, he had it b- ohhh shit. You gave it to him on purpose.” Two:
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Tim is very confused when a ruffled Two slams the door open and off its hinges at his house
Two, slamming the door open: “WHY WOULD YOU JUMP HIM WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME ABOUT THE FEATHER????” Tim, half asleep on the couch: Tim: “..g’d mornin'?”
ON THAT NOTE Paul is,, so utterly haunted by both Johnny's and Two's disabilities, and that is absolutely not helped by the fact that they don't even seem to hold it against him. In Johnny's eyes, Paul wasn't the one who'd jumped him, resulting in him carrying the switchblade that killed Bob. He wasn't the one who held Pony underwater with the intent to kill. Two himself already knows that Paul didn't expect him to be burned as he was, nor was he the one holding the lighter. The blame the gang directs at him varies; especially when they see that the two who fell victim don't even seem to be mad about it. I think that a large reason as to why Pony throws his blame at Paul for Johnny is because, well, Bob's not around to take it. He's an emotional teen who's taking it out on the person he knows had some correlation to it. Besides, I think all of us know Pony blames himself for the church fire; directing that anger at Paul makes it easier to cope.
But yeah, Paul's practically eaten alive by the guilt. It sure as hell doesn't help that he already feels bad for being directly related to the witch that cursed Tulsa.
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blueskittlesart · 26 days
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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?
tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.
#i really do have a love-hate relationship with this timeline#because it's FASCINATING lore. genuinely. and i think it carries over the themes of certain games REALLY well#but i also think it's indicative of a trend in loz's writing that has REALLY annoyed me for a long time#which is this intense need to cling to oot#and on a certain level i get it. that was your most successful game probably ever. and it was an AMAZING game.#and i think there's definitely some corporate profit maximization tied up in this too--oot was an insane commercial success therefore you'r#not allowed to make new games we need you to just remake oot forever and ever#and that really annoys me because it makes certain games feel disjointed at best and barely-coherent at worst.#i think the best zelda games on the market are the ones where the devs were allowed to really push what they were working with#oot. majora. botw. hell i'd even put minish cap in there#these are games that don't quite follow what was the standard zelda gameplay at their time of release. they were experimental in some way#whether that be with graphics or puzzle mechanics or open-world or the gameplay premise in its entirety. there's something NEW there#and because the devs of those games were given that level of freedom the gameplay really enforces the narrative. everything feels complete#and designed to work together. as opposed to gameplay that feels disjointed or fights against story beats. you know??#so I think that the willingness to allow botw and totk to exist independently from the timeline is good at the very least from a developmen#standpoint because it implies a willingness to. stop making shitty oot remakes and let developers do something interesting.#and yes i do very much fear that the next 20 years of zelda will be shitty BOTW remakes now#in which botw link appears and undergoes the most insane character assassination youve ever seen in your life#but im trying to be optimistic here. if botw/totk can exist outside the timeline then we may no longer be stuck in the remake death loop#and i'm taking eow as a good sign (so far) that we're out of the death loop!! because that game looks NOTHING like botw or oot.#fingers crossed!!#anyway sorry for the game dev rant but tldr timeline good except when it's bad#asks#zelda analysis
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justanotheryellowsoul · 2 months
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Had to make Loop from chapter 28 of The Stars May Not Wait For You, But We Will
Combination of long hair in a messy bun and Isa's shirt was too tempting to ignore,,,
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year
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pretty boy
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triglycercule · 13 days
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god i wish it wasn't only killer that could come back from the dead so that both horror and dust could die and it would be fine(ish) so they can all just kill eachother over and over. a little peek into my dark twisted mind ahh post but i seriously wish,,,,, time to make killer!versions of them so they'll both have human souls and then be able to respawn and then this idea will be real!
#they do WORSE than just fighting they LITERALLY KILL EACHOTHER#horror and dust can kill killer as much as they want!!!! but he cant kill them back??????#its okay killer can just sadistically torture them until he thinks theyve had enough in exchange#i want them all to die at eachothers hands but for it to have no consequence#if horrordust kill killer and it seriously pisses him off he waits for a few days/weeks/MAYBE EVEN A MONTH in the save screen#that way horrordust have time to think about what they did and itll make them miss him and then theyll see how much it bothered him#and only then will he choose to come back. would killer ever be that mean and petty#maybe not...... or maybe i just cant think of something that's bad enough that horrordust would have to do to get killer to do this#i can see him doing it though and thats the funny part. wdym thats manipulation NO ITS NOT!!!!#theyre so terrible for eachother UGH i LOVE IT!!!! eats the toxic relationship#its more than just a toxic dynamic atp its PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE#tricule rant#OMG killer and paranoia..... bc bc bc paranoia has alizas soul#so he can also save and reload. he cant reset tho i made that up i think#stage 3 killer and fight response paranoia in a constant loop of death and rebirth#until one of them moves on from that stage. idk how long fight response could last for paranoia i should decide#anyways killer!dust when. i need to make dust absorb a soul too so he can join killer and paranoia!#stop thinking about it youre gonna actually make ot happen triglycercule.......
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thedeadthree · 1 month
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🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨
AIRIKA HI TY TYY DEAR this is the cutest thank youu and i hope ur well!! i adore yelling about tunes EEEK 🥀💌☺️
𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐍𝐎𝐖 — hozier, bear mcreary.
𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐘 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐊𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄 — charli xcx.
𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐑 𝐋𝐀𝐒 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 — cocteau twins.
𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 — the crane wives.
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 — ramin djawadi.
#🦇: airika#carrionsflower#leg.asks#YOU SWEETEST SOUL YOUU ty tyy so much for the ask this was the cutest to do!! 🥀🥹#THE FIRSTT is soooo s/olas coded dragon game really YANKED me back in to thinking about it all the time 🥀🤡☺️#teehee 3 is for a new clown for x*men HEHE 🥀☺️#2 and 3 are also h*elaena hawke vibes too 🥀👁️#i mean i have yelled about the fourth for cy but *screams* ITS SOO VELAENE AND VELAENGWAYNE UGHH it makes me crazy kdjxhxh 🥀💀#i need to give her a formal introduction and her and her beloved (🥀🙄🥴) so soon !!!!!!#and lastly!! the fifth is the closest i think so far to what i think a theme song for irulanne would be?#raised a city elf until found by the sisters (a subset of the mourners!!)#she lost her network of fellow orphans and spies around but as she had magic she gained a new whisper network in the undead as her ‘birds’#its how i would say she learned of v*arric and feanorians interest in taking her on as the rook!!#she snuck out to the rendezvous sooo fast kxjxhxh#i mean they were preparing her to be the next arcane advisor/spymaster (she’s a two for one we love a multitalented girliee)#and maybe even to marry and or have a ‘legitimate’ heir with a monarch#or at least very close by to a/the throne yk? mourner mage with close ties to a throne was their goal 🥀💀😵‍💫#they were VERY into the idea of having a mage on a throne one way or another and so her leaving#is going to be SOO interesting for her to go back 🥀💀#i mean if they try to throw it in her face they gave her a life so many dreamed or something ->#they can take it up with her crow husband or something 🥀🥴☺️ good for her i think!!#but after things went sideways with the ritual i think she had begun to reconsider ditching the sisters oxjxjxh#that’s remedied when she meets luca though HEHE 🥀😌#prodigy orphan with gifted kid burnout meets scion of family prodigy with gifted kid burnout THEYRE SOO <3#ANYWAY LZJXJXH i missed yelling in the tags so i took the opportunity if yall read that im baking u cookies rn 🥀🤧🥹!!!!!#also this almost would be just c*harli bc the way her album has been on a loop for me 🥀☺️😌
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toasted-valentine · 2 months
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as they’re dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot that’s there that’s nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but there’s still time and they shouldn’t be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all they’re doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something they’re not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but that’s the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen can’t verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#it’s wrong because they’re trans and can’t incision a life as Owen but can’t say out loud that it’s being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girl’s show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#he’s holding Owen back but they’re so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but there’s still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesn’t come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#it’s their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude that’s such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card I’m calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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munch-mumbles · 10 months
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kj post five hundred thousand lamenting the loss of my passion for drawing because its starting to feel like its never coming back
#it shouldnt feel like a chore! i miss when it was fun!!!!#as much as i try not to care about my art posts flopping because i know attention shouldnt be my motivator for drawing#it does still make me a little sad so now my brain struggles to want to create anything#like i WANT to create desperately desperately but i sit down to draw and just want to go to bed#the tiredness has been permeating my life ive become extremely socially isolated#which loops around to making me even more bored because im just in my own head all day and theres not even anything in here#my attention span has degraded to the point that i literally have to force myself to try and think about my own ocs most of the time#which doesnt even work because within two seconds i get distracted by being frustrated i have to force it#gruhhhhh . grouhhhh#i miss when mlad was fresh and it was so fun and exciting and fulfilling to work on it#now even though i still love it and want to work on it it just keeps slipping between my fingers#GRUHHH. i want to draw i want to write i want to talk to people but i Cant#i need to join another server or something because after my last Really bad mental period i isolated myself a lot lot lot. and ive been too#scared to go back to my old spot and now i very rarely talk to more than one person a day (excluding work)#im lonely and im too exhausted to be interesting enough to fix it!#im pretty sure 80% of my problems could be fixed with like. adhd medication#but im too tired and lazy and tired to start the road to getting it#sorry i keep coming back to append on more tags but last thought i prommy. i just miss when things could actually hold my attention#i miss having the motivation to do minicomics for lore drops i miss being so excited about aus with friends i would do multiple sketches a#day i miss being so gripped by individual scenes between characters i would take the time to write a multi page minific about it#why cant my brain HOLD ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#JUST PAY ATTENTION :(#i need a new hyperfixation or im going to do something drastic.
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chaosandmarigolds · 6 months
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Ya know how everyone is like Simon is black cat energy- well, I don't deny he can be like that what I would like to counter with is black lab energy around the person he's most comfortable with
Simon, who drags you on his morning runs because he will spend the entire time talking about trucks or something boyish
ie: "And so then you gotta- baby? Why'd ya stop?"
"We-just-" heave, "Ran a fort-four miniute-" heave, "mile."
"Yeah? Cmon, six miles today."
Simon, who will do push ups before bed if he has too much energy and knows he will just toss and turn
Simon, who loops a finger in your belt loop whenever you're shopping because lord knows that man has separation anxiety
Simon, who did once hide your shoes when he knew you had to leave super early in the morning so you would be forced to wake him up to ask him where he put them
"Simon."
Hes been awake, obviously, the phone praticallly thrown at the wall when you opened the door was an indicator, "Mm, noo. sleep."
"Simon O'Donnel Riley I swear to god if you don't give my shoes right now-!"
"...I require somethin' in return."
"You birts and your taxes, 'm going barefoot."
Simon who loves intimacy, yeah sex but he likes being close, like if he squeezed you any closer he may actually break your bones on accident
Simon, who doesn't tell you this but that one time when you got the flu? he had the time of his life, normally because you're the one cleaning him up after missions, tending to his needs, and he liked being able to do the same to you
Simon, who has the worst (best) puppy eyes you've ever seen
"one kiss."
"I have a face mask on, do you want to kiss me when I look like a taxidermy panda?" You reply with a frown, book in lap and craning your neck to see your boyfriend from how he leaned over the sofa.
He blinks at your reply and the next thing you are aware of he's laying atop of you on the sofa completely trapping you under his weight, "Jus take it off if it bugs ya tha' much."
You playfully pout your bottom lip out, "But it's supposed to be on for twenty minutes. It's been ten."
"But I wan a kiss."
"But I want to have a pretty face."
Then it was his turn to playfully pout, "You have the prettiest face."
(long story short you obvious gave in cause...I would so therefore so do you <3 )
Simon, who goes from loving and doting boyfriend to scary military man as soon as he gets out of the car
Simon, who is aware you have a video of him baby talking that you took when he wasn't aware that you were recording
(yes based off that one tiktok, I laugh every time I see it)
Simon, who hates pecks but loves giving them, like this man will just hold your face and shower you with kisses for minutes on end (its his hobby or something)
Annnnyway thats it! feedback and comments, an alllll that jazz mean the world to me! <333
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augustinewrites · 1 year
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“babe. baaaabe. babe!”
“what, satoru?” you ask sharply, looking up from your laptop to where your boyfriend has spread himself across your couch, his legs in shoko’s lap. 
he lifts his shades to look at you. “was i your first crush?”
“yes,” you answer quickly.
you immediately return to the report you’re writing, missing the face shoko makes before she says, “that’s not true.” 
“ieiri,” you whisper harshly, but it’s too late. your boyfriend’s already jumped off the couch to lean his palms against your desk. 
“what? i wasn’t your first?!”
“you were,” you insist, glaring at your friend. “shoko is clearly misremembering things.”
“am i though?”
“you know what, it’s fine,” gojo sighs, slipping his shades back on and rolling the sleeve of his t-shirt up so he can flex. “obviously i’m way cooler than whatever lame schmuck high school you was crushing on.”
behind him, shoko’s scoff is the final nail in your coffin. “nanami is way cooler than you ever were.”
you slap your forehead, bracing yourself for gojo’s inevitable overreaction. 
but he doesn’t get the chance, interrupted by a light knock against your doorframe from, you guessed it, nanami kento.
“yaga said you wanted to see me?”
cue overreaction.
“you had a crush on— on him?” 
nanami swats gojo’s finger away from his cheek. 
“oh my god,” your boyfriend breathes, currently experiencing a quarterlife crisis. “you liked this emo nemo?”
nanami ignores him, sending you a questioning look. “he doesn’t know?”
“what is it now?” satoru asks, slumping back into the couch. “did you guys go on a date or something?” 
your lack of answer is enough for him to let his head fall back rather dramatically. 
“can you blame her?” shoko asks. “he was sexy back then. in an edgy, mysterious kind of way. meanwhile, you were like…if a string bean made love to a cauliflower.” 
even gojo doesn’t have a witty retort prepared for that. 
you decide to clear this up once and for all. “it wasn’t just about looks. you were busy after— after riko. you didn’t have time for a relationship or…for me. you wanted to get stronger and i didn’t want to get in your way.”
“you wouldn’t have been—”
“i would have.” you shrug. because you know him, and you know what he was like. “and that’s okay because we were still kids, satoru. and it was only one date! no need to get so torn up about it!”
_____
“what is this?” you ask later that night, when you find satoru hauling a huge box into your apartment.
“it’s a bowflex!” gojo explains proudly, patting the unopened box. “shoko said that i was built like a string bean, so i’m gonna buff up like nanami! and when megumi moves out next year, i’m gonna turn his room into a gym.”
you lean in the doorway, amused. nanami also has a home gym. “is that why you’re also wearing a suit and tie instead of your usual uniform?”
he does a show spin, letting you take it all in. you don’t even want to know how much it must have cost. “do you like it?” 
“you do look very handsome.” 
“i know,” he winks, cocky as ever. “now watch this.”
he brushes a few strands of hair over his eyes, lowering his voice a few octaves as he says, “taxes. office work. satoru, i respect you so much!”
you walk up to him, brushing the hair back to press a kiss to his forehead. “nanami would never say that last thing, but i do like the effort.” 
he loops his arms around your waist, returning the kiss and murmuring against your skin, “did it turn you on though? maybe i should get an office job—”
“satoru,” you whine, resting your forehead against his chest. “it was just a short-lived crush. and it was forever ago! i’m pretty sure you’ve had crushes that weren’t me.”
“nope,” he hums, resting his chin atop your head. “all i’ve ever wanted is you. all i’ve ever needed…is you.” 
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pedrospatch · 2 months
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call it what it is
Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader
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summary: A disagreement over patrol duty leads to declarations that have been long overdue.
warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. established relationship. HEFTY AGE GAP (reader is in her 20’s and joel is 56). ellie and joel are fine bc i said so and they deserve nothing less. reader handles a rifle, joel’s a little too overprotective and almost seems controlling, but i promise he is not. well, maybe just a smidge. arguing, admission of feelings, joel miller says i love you (yes this is ooc, no i do not care bc i need this old man to tell me he loves me). angst, fluff. quite a bit of side character interaction before we get to joel and reader in the second half. the only physical description of reader is that she is shorter than joel. fair warning, i am quite rusty.
word count: 4.2k
a/n: hi hello. i have not shared a wip in over 2 months. i was going back and forth on whether or not i wanted to share a fic with so much going on but decided i wanted to get back to doing what i enjoy. that and ofc that new footage was a boost of inspo. i am sending so, so much love to anyone who happens to see this author note, whether you read this fic or just happen to see this note in passing whilst scrolling. i know things have been tough, but i am here with you. <3
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Joel wakes with a gentle start. Yawning, he rolls over from his side onto his back, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as warm, golden sunlight filters into the bedroom through the sheer, white linen curtains drawn over the window. He stares up at the ceiling, his breathing slow, steady, and even. He’s still getting used to it, it seems. Waking this calmly, with a tranquil peace he had been so certain he would never in his life feel again. He knew it couldn’t be a mere coincidence the nightmares had all but stopped tormenting him in his sleep when the two of you stopped doing that awkward little tap dance around one another and began sharing a bed, a home, a life.
No more bolting upright in sheer panic in the middle of the night, heart pounding and drenched head to toe in a cold sweat. No more believing he’s failing in his sleep. No more waking up feeling like he’s lost something.
Even his dreams about Sarah had become so, so much more pleasant. Images of her in that field on that night were replaced by different memories, like watching her teammates dogpile her after she’d scored the winning goal in their soccer tournament, or the big, triumphant grin she’d flashed him over her chocolate milkshake as the pair sat in their usual corner booth at their favorite fifties-themed diner in Austin—much to Joel’s surprise, Sarah had politely declined her teammates’ invitation for pizza once the match ended, choosing to celebrate her victory with him. Just the two of them.
“Y’sure you don’t wanna go with your friends, kiddo?” he’d asked, raising an eyebrow. He had been certain she was approaching the age where she would start spending less and less time with her old man. “I wouldn’t mind, y’know.”
“Positive,” she had reassured him with a smile, looping her arm through his and leading him off the pitch. “I’d much rather be with you, dad.”
Rather than smelling metallic in his slumber, he smells the grass that stained her white and blue striped jersey. Her cheeks are smeared with dirt, not with crimson.
Stifling another loud yawn, Joel stretches his arm out over towards your side of the bed, his calloused fingers seeking the warmth and softness of your naked body—instead, all they find are empty sheets, cold and long abandoned. He turns his head, and as suspected, you are not laying there beside him. That’s hardly out of the ordinary. Out of the two of you, you were the early riser, up before the neighbors’ rooster even had the chance to sound the alarm. Joel knows how much you treasure your quiet mornings lounging on the porch swing he’d built for you as you watched the sunrise with a hot cup of coffee in hand. He often made a genuine effort to get up and join you, but lately, his patrol rotations had been all over the place thanks to a shortage of patrolmen. He found himself sleeping in whenever he had the chance, seeing as he never knew when he might have to work a damn double. Or maybe it was just his age catching up with him.
He checks the time and then rolls out of bed, groaning when his sore knees and his aching lower back protest his movement.
After taking a quick shower using whatever hot water the kid had left for him after her own shower—much to his annoyance, it was not very much—Joel brushes his teeth and gets dressed for the day before pulling on his boots and heading downstairs into the kitchen where he finds the culprit responsible for the cold downpour he’d been forced to wash himself under. Ellie’s sitting at the table, absentmindedly stirring her oatmeal around her bowl with her spoon as she flips through one of her comic books. Just as he’s about to greet her, he spots the clean, empty coffee pot on the kitchen counter and frowns. You hadn’t even made coffee yet?
Now, that—that is out of the ordinary.
“Where is she?” he asks.
“Well, good morning to you too, old man. Oh, I slept great, thanks for asking,” Ellie quips without looking up at him as she flips the page. She mumbles something under her breath he doesn’t quite catch, something like, and you get on my ass about my manners?
Rolling his eyes, Joel snorts in response and pads over to the coffee maker on the counter. He spoons in some of the grounds he’d traded for earlier that week into the reusable filter, pours in water from the tap, and turns it on to brew. He grabs two ceramic mugs from the wire dish rack beside the sink and sets them down on the counter. “She out back?” he questions, yanking the refrigerator door open—he tries to remember the little things, like how you enjoyed your coffee with a bit of milk as well as a dash of cinnamon, if you had the rations, or something to trade for the precious spice. He always made sure that you did.
“Nope.” Ellie shovels a spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth and adds thickly, “She went to get some eggs.”
Joel shoots her a look of disgust over his shoulder. “Jesus, Ellie! How many times do I gotta tell you? Don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s bad manners,” he scolds her, shaking his head. He turns his attention back to the refrigerator. As he reaches for the glass bottle of milk, he pauses and his eyebrows pull together in confusion when he sees the wicker basket on the top shelf. “Wait a minute.” He feels her stiffen in her chair. “Why the hell would she go get eggs when we’ve got a full basket of ‘em right here in the fridge?”
She clears her throat. “Oh, uh, my bad. I got confused. Think she said she was gonna go get more honey? Uh, I used the last of it to make my breakfast this morning and she, uh—she wanted some for her toast. You know, ‘cause she really likes putting honey on her toast,” she rambles before piling more oatmeal into her mouth.
Closing the refrigerator door, he turns to her, his eyes narrowing with suspicion as uneasiness settles deep in the pit of his stomach. “Ellie?”
There’s a momentary pause. “...yeah?”
This time, Joel doesn’t bother to chastise the teenager for talking with her mouth full. “Where is she?”
Ellie nervously swallows her food and holds up both of her hands. “Hey, I already fucking told you, man.”
“Look, I know you like the back of my own hand, kiddo. And I know damn good and well when you’re lying to me.” Joel crosses his arms over his chest. “Now tell me the truth. What do you know that I don’t?”
Groaning, Ellie sits back in her chair. “Ugh. She made me swear not to tell you! She’ll fucking strangle me if I do—”
“Yeah, well, not if I fuckin’ strangle you first myself,” he threatens her. “M’Serious, Ellie. Tell me what’s going on. Right now.”
“Alright, alright! Jesus,” she huffs. “She’s with Tommy. He’s been taking her out of town to do target practice in the mornings, just the two of them. She usually gets back to the house before you get up,” she admits.
Joel’s arms fall back to his sides, his shoulders tense. “And how long has this been goin’ on?” he asks, rigidly. There’s a sudden tightness inside his chest, a feeling he hasn’t felt it in a while, but is still all too familiar to him.
After Tommy spread the word around town that more people were needed for patrol duties, you’d expressed an interest in the role, but Joel had been all too quick to shut you down, telling you he didn’t want you stepping foot outside the community’s gates.
“No,” he’d said. “Not happenin’. S’too dangerous.”
“But Joel—”
“I said,” he lowered his voice. “No.”
He hadn’t offered you an explanation as to why he was against it, refused to give you one good, solid reason as to why it was acceptable for him to risk his own life to protect Jackson, but it wasn’t acceptable for you to do the same.
Joel hadn’t known how to tell you the truth. How he needed you far, far more than you needed him, how the mere thought of losing you, the best fucking thing that could have possibly happened to him since the world ended, made him feel like his heart was going to stop.
A few weeks had passed since then, and thankfully, you never brought it up to him again. You had lost interest in patrol duty. Or so he’d thought.
“How long has this been going on?” he repeats after a minute.
“C’mon, man! Haven’t I already snitched enough?”
“Ellie,” Joel bites out her name. “Tell me. How long?”
She sighs in defeat. “Two weeks? Maybe three?” When she notices the muscle in his jaw tick, she grimaces. “You do realize why she didn’t fucking tell you, right?”
“Don’t,” he warns her, sharply.
“I’m just saying,” Ellie mutters, peering down into her bowl.
Without another word, Joel angrily storms past her and straight out the front door, snatching up his rifle on the way. He heads straight for the stables, trying to ignore the anxiety flaring inside of his chest.
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Focus.
Now, breathe in. And breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe...
You exhale as you slowly squeeze the trigger.
Y’squeeze it like you love it, you had been told by your reluctant instructor.
The round fires off into the distance and you swiftly grab the bolt handle, bringing it up, back, forward, and then down again. You pull the trigger once more, then repeat and continue firing one shot after the other for a total of five rounds.
The rifle’s recoil nearly sends you flying backwards, but a strong hand on your back keeps you nice and steady. That same hand then moves to your shoulder and gives you three firm taps.
“Alright, alright! Christ,” Tommy laughs. He withdraws his arm from around you and shakes his head. “Fuckin’ calm down, Annie Oakley.”
Picking up his binoculars, he rises to his feet and looks through the lens at the makeshift targets that he’d set up for you, three empty soup cans lined up in a row on top of a wooden fence about twenty-five yards away—your longest shooting distance to date.
“Well?” You don’t even bother masking your impatience as you lower the rifle, carefully propping the weapon up against the tree stump you’re perched behind. Rubbing your sore shoulder, you hope the kickback won’t leave a bruise. You wouldn’t know how to explain that to Joel. “How did I do?”
His response comes in the form of a long, low whistle.
There is no telling if that had been good whistle, or if it had been a bad one. You groan. Now was not the time for him to dick around. “Please tell me I got at least one of them?”
“You got ‘em all, actually.” Tommy replies, lowering the binoculars and peering down at you. There’s a glimmer of pride in his eyes. “Good job, kid.”
Kid? Not exactly a nickname one wants to be called by the brother of the much, much older man that they are romantically involved with. It’d taken Tommy months to accept your relationship with Joel, especially when you moved your things out of your unit and into his over the summer. Part of you wonders if him referring to you as a kid is simply his own subtle way of telling you—no, of reminding you, that he’s still not comfortable with it.
And perhaps he never would be.
After all, you had still been a teenager when you first arrived to Jackson a few years ago, stumbling upon the town just a few months shy of the twentieth birthday you weren’t sure you would survive long enough to see.
You were indeed a kid when you’d met Tommy Miller.
Were.
Scowling up at him, you snap, “I told you to stop calling me that. I’m not nineteen anymore, Tommy.”
Having read your mind, he gives you a small smile and acknowledges, “Yeah, you’re right. You definitely ain’t a kid anymore.” He offers you his hand and hoists you up to your feet. Before dropping your hand, he gives it an apologetic squeeze.
You relax a little and smile back at him. “Did I really get all three?”
Tommy nods. “You sure did. You’re a damn good shot. I gotta be honest with you—I didn’t expect you to be this fuckin’ good,” he admits sheepishly.
Chuckling, you scoff, “Thanks. I think.”
“It’s a compliment, sugar.” He winks and flashes you a lopsided grin. “In fact, I’d say my work here is done.”
“Great! So when are you putting me on the roster?”
His grin instantly vanishes. “Uh, listen. About that....”
He trails off, and your heart sinks a little.
Tommy wouldn’t back out of this now—would he?
“Oh, no. Don’t you dare go back on your word, Miller,” you say, lightly poking him in the chest. “We had a deal. You said if I did well enough, you’d think about it.”
He nods in agreement. “Exactly. Said I’d think about it. And I think that puttin’ you on the roster for patrol ain’t a good idea.”
Your mouth falls open. If he never had any intention of holding up his end of the bargain, then what had been the point of teaching you how to shoot?
You didn’t understand.
“You just said it yourself, I’m a great shot! I’m a good on horseback, too. I’m stealthy. I’m diligent. What more do you fucking need from me, Tommy?”
Tommy’s chest heaves with a heavy sigh. “Joel would fuckin’ murder me with his bare hands if I even thought about puttin’ you on patrol duty. Hell, he’d murder me just knowin’ we’re out here and I’m teachin’ you how to shoot. It’s a damn fuckin’ miracle he still hasn’t caught onto this, y’know.”
Shocked, your eyebrows shoot to your hairline. “This is about Joel? Are you serious?”
“‘Course it is.” He pauses. “Listen, now I know the three of us had our—differences—when he first told me ‘bout you two. Still takin’ me a bit of gettin’ used to, but I can see he’s real serious about you. I know my brother, and I know he won’t risk losin’ what’s most important to him. Ain’t no way in hell. He doesn’t want you out here and you know that as well as I do.” Tommy shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans, shrugging as he shuffles his weight from one cowboy boot to the other. “Unless he’s alright with it, I ain’t gonna put you on the roster.”
For a moment, you’re at a complete loss for words.
Upon seeing the crestfallen expression on your face, he makes a suggestion. “You can try talkin’ to him ‘bout it again if it means that much to you. Ask him—”
“Ask?” You want to laugh. You almost do. “I’m an adult, Tommy. I don’t need his permission to do this. Or to do anything for that matter. Joel doesn’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”
Tommy smiles wryly. “Well then, if that’s the case, why are we sneakin’ around and doin’ this behind his back?”
Your shoulders slump in defeat.
Because the ramifications could be disastrous.
Joel had made his stance on the matter abundantly clear, and yet here you were, deliberately disobeying him.
“Stumped you real good, didn’t I?”
Before you can even start to think about how you can possibly respond to that, you hear the sound of hooves in the dirt behind you, followed by whinny of a horse.
Tommy’s face pales as he glances over your shoulder.
“Shit.”
There’s no need for you to ask. His grimace says it all.
Somehow, you will yourself to turn around just as Joel’s steed comes to a halt beside the mare you and Tommy had ridden out on together. He jumps out of the saddle, grunting at the forceful impact on his knees when his feet hit the ground. His rifle hangs from a worn, brown leather strap slung across his back.
He approaches the two of you looking absolutely livid, and your throat goes dry.
“The hell is goin’ on here?” He breezes right past you, roughly shoving his brother with both hands. “Why the fuck would you bring her out here, Tommy? What the fuck is the matter with you?”
“Joel, c’mon. Take it easy—”
“Don’t fuckin’ tell me to take it easy!”
“Joel!” You reach for his arm. “Wait, it’s not his fault!”
Joel shoves him again, then takes him by the collar of his shirt and pins him against the ponderosa pine tree behind him. “You’ve been bringin’ her outside the gates behind my fuckin’ back for weeks, asshole?”
The panic begins to set in—he’s taking his anger out on the wrong person, and deep down, he knows this too.
“Joel! Stop! Let him go!” Grabbing fistfuls of his jacket, you try pulling him off of the younger man. “Stop it! It’s not his fault! I asked Tommy to bring me out here!”
He whirls around, his nostrils flared, jaw clenched.
You’ve seen this side of him a handful of times before.
But his anger has never been directed at you.
“What?”
Immediately, you let go of him and take a step back. “I asked Tommy to bring me out here and teach me how to shoot so that I can start working patrol,” you explain, hoping, praying, he doesn’t catch the slight tremble in your voice. “This was all my idea, okay? If you’re going to be mad at someone, then be mad at me. Not at him.”
“So you did this after I fuckin’ told you I didn’t want you out here?” Joel seethes. His neck becomes flushed, his tan skin now a deep shade of red.
“Joel—”
He cuts you off. “I had to find out from Ellie? You tried to get her to fuckin’ lie to me? After all the work it took for me and her to—” Stopping mid sentence, he places his hands on his hips and shakes his head.
“Joel. Please.” Behind the anger in his dark brown eyes, you detect something else. A mingle of hurt, concern—fear?
Tommy awkwardly clears his throat. “Well I’m, uh—I’m gonna head back to town,” he says, touching a hand to the back of his neck. “I’ll let the two of you work things out in private.” As he passes Joel, he lightly claps him on the shoulder. “Girl’s a sharp shooter, big brother. I’d reckon she’s almost better than you.”
His effort to lighten the mood fails. Miserably.
Offering you a subtle nod of encouragement, Tommy hops into the saddle of his mare and takes off towards the commune.
Silence falls over the both of you. It feels suffocating.
Unfamiliar.
Finally, you speak. “Joel, please just hear me out—”
“What the hell were you thinkin’? Or were you just not thinkin’ at all?”
“I was thinking I want to pull my weight in Jackson.”
“You already have a fuckin’ job,” Joel reminds you.
“Making sandwiches and serving whiskey at The Tipsy Bison?” You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “I am capable of more than that, Joel. So much more. Don’t you believe I’m capable of doing more?”
“I don’t want you out here,” he grits through his teeth. “Capable or not, I don’t want you outside Jackson’s walls. I don’t want you on patrol and that’s fuckin’ final. You understand me?” Now it’s him who falters, and you wonder if you’re imagining things, or if that’s really a tear you see sliding down the side of his face, disappearing into the salt and pepper scruff of his beard.
“That’s not your decision to make, Joel. It’s mine.”
“M’responsible for you. It’s my job to look after you—to protect you.”
Something about the way he is looking at you, it feels like a punch to the gut, and it’s at that precise moment when you begin to realize that he’s not angry. He’s afraid.
“Joel, I know that all you want to do is protect me,” you sigh, letting your arms fall down to your sides. “I know you do. But you’re doing me no favors by trying to keep me sheltered. By treating me like I’m defenseless. Don’t forget, I’m a survivor too.”
“You already know how fuckin’ dangerous it is out here. Clickers, raiders—”
“I can handle it,” you insist, stubbornly.
“You’d be puttin’ yourself right in harm’s way!”
You shoot back, “You mean, the way you and so many other people put yourselves in harm’s way every single day for the sake of keeping Jackson safe?”
A frustrated growl rumbles through his chest. “Christ, why are you bein’ so fuckin’ foolish? You’re just askin’ to get yourself killed!”
“I can take care of myself!” You realize your hands are shaking and curl them into tight fists at your sides in an effort to hide it. “Just accept it, Joel! Accept that I can take care of myself, alright?”
That is all it takes to tip Joel over the edge he’s been teetering on. “Then what do you fuckin’ need me for?” he shouts, his voice thundering over the quiet plains of Wyoming. “If you can take care of yourself, what’s the point in us bein’ together? Why are you with me?”
“Because I love you!”
As soon as the confession comes tumbling out of your mouth, you take a step back, your wide eyes meeting his own. Until now, neither of you have ever called this what it is, been bold enough to say it’s love.
Loving after so much grief, so much loss, is daunting. It’s something you thought you would never be capable of doing again, not in this lifetime. Not in this world. It’s happened, though.
You love Joel Miller.
And he loves you.
He’s never told you he does, but he’s shown you.
From the way remembers how you take your coffee in the mornings, to the way he laces his fingers with your own, holding your hand when he’s buried inside of you, whispering sweet nothings into your collarbone every single night.
“You—you what?” Joel’s whisper is hardly audible.
You inch your way closer to him, your voice soft. “I love you,” you declare once more. “I’m not with you because of what you can do for me. I’m not with you because you can take care of me.” Closer. “I’m with you because I love you—because I’m in love with you, Joel.” Closer, until your chest brushes against his, and he can smell the subtle scent of your homemade, rosewater soap. “The only thing I need, and have ever needed from you, is your love in return.”
His throat bobs. Before you can utter another word, he lifts his hands and gently takes your face, cradling it in between his large palms, gently. His eyes search yours, immediately finding the sincerity behind your words. Leaning down, he brushes the tip of nose against your own as one of his hands travels down, his long fingers curling around the nape of your neck. His thumb lightly strokes the column of your throat.
“I love you,” Joel says hoarsely. Three words he hadn’t said to anyone in over two decades—it feels foreign to him, they ring strange in his own ears. He tries it again, clearer this time, and with a little more confidence. After all, he’s only saying what he has known from the very start. “I love you.” His other hand moves to your hip, pulling you even closer to him. “M’gonna love you for the rest of my life, baby.”
He leans in further and presses his lips to yours lightly, at first, but he wastes no time in sweeping his tongue across your bottom lip, silently asking for more.
Your mouth parts for him, and he backs you against the ponderosa, kissing you deeply, greedily, like he’s a man starved.
You whimper into him, your hands sliding up his broad chest and past his shoulders until they’re tangled in his soft, graying curls. He breathes you in, like you are the oxygen he needs to stay alive.
It isn’t until you both hear the sound of rustling behind a nearby shrub that you’re forced to pull apart. “Don’t move,” Joel instructs in a hushed voice. He keeps you pinned against the tree, his hand abandoning your hip. He glances around, slowly reaching behind his back for his rifle. His tense shoulders relax when the both of you see a pair of rabbits dart out from one dried bush and straight into another. Exhaling an amused huff, Joel shifts his attention back to you and rests his forehead against yours.
Smiling, you reach up and softly graze his beard with your fingertips. “Guess it’s about time we called this what it is, huh?”
“Guess you’re right, darlin’.” He lifts his chin, brushing a kiss onto your forehead. “M’sorry for raisin’ my voice to you. For talkin’ to you the way I did. S’just, the thought of somethin’ happenin’ to you out here scares shit out of me.” Taking a step back, he pulls the strap of his rifle from around his shoulder. He chews the inside of his cheek and silently stares at the gun in his hands. After a minute, he meets your curious gaze. “Do you really wanna do this, sweet girl?”
You nod. “Yeah. I really do.”
Joel sighs. “Can I put a condition it?”
“Depends on what that condition is.”
“I’m your patrol partner. Every shift. Every rotation.”
You roll your eyes. “Joel.”
“At least for the first few weeks,” he bargains. “Last thing I need is for you to be paired up with some fuckin’ idiot who doesn’t know what the hell they’re doin’.”
Knowing that would be the only way he’d have some peace of mind, you decide to agree. “Fine. We’re patrol partners.”
“Alright then.” Joel nods and hands you the rifle. He flashes you a small grin. “Show me what you got, baby.”
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divider credit to @/saradika 💛
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wolviensabes · 1 month
Text
Soft.
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RQ: '(hii, I saw that your requests were open) It's no doubt he's an absolute FREAK in the sheets, but what if he were to show his softer side hidden within? Preferably comfort sex w/ reader after a long, stressful day if you will. And maybe some banter too??' - @graveyardgrrrrrl
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. F!reader, fingering, oral reader receiving, PiV, unedited.
A/N: This hit me because my hormones have been all over the place lately. So I can relate. I hope you like it <3
WC: 2.0k
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The day you had was dreary, you haven't felt so exhausted and tired in a long time. You trudged through your bedroom and practically fell onto the bed, groaning to yourself. The past few days have felt like a waste of time, you hadn't done anything in your free time, you felt like you had no interest in any of the things you enjoyed doing. You felt lazy and like you haven't really accomplished anything, and it ate away at you. You didn't know why you got like this, it was frustrating and annoying to you that you couldn't just make yourself do something. But a simple chore like cleaning up felt so heavy.
Logan knocked once before coming into the room, you both shared a bedroom but he still would give a single knock to announce himself before barging in. He shut the door and eyed you on the bed, his gaze narrowed slightly as he saw how defeated you appeared to be. "What's got ya frustrated, princess..." he walked over, fiddling with his large belt and pulling it out of the belt loops smoothly. If you weren't so upset, that would've been insanely hot.
You rolled onto your side facing away from him and exhaled. "I just don't feel good..." you muttered quietly. "I feel like everything lately has been so stressful, I have little energy, and the smallest things feel so overwhelming." You weren't sure how he'd react to this, but you hoped he'd understand, or at least sit with you and help you relax.
"Ah, you just need a little relief...I can help ya..." Logan's hand caressed your leg and as much as you adored his touch, there was just something about it today that made you not want it. Your thoughts went to the usual rough sex, which was something you had always loved before. But today was just...not the day for it. He sensed your hesitation and his hand stopped its slow travel over the curve of your hip.
"I get it. You're not feelin' up for it...how about I help you relax a little differently. I can see you're not in the mood for me." He moved his hand to your lower back and gently rubbed it. You sighed, feeling the sore, tense muscles slowly unwind. His hand worked slow and steady, moving across your hips and his thumbs kneaded the muscles around your tailbone.
You wanted more of his touch, you just didn't feel like being bent in half right now. Logan was a rough guy, and you knew getting into it would mean you'd have to give into the performance. You just didn't have that energy...
"I want to, Logan I just...don't feel good today." You reply defeatedly, your voice muffled a bit into the pillow. Logan's hand moved over to your front and he pulled you against him, your back colliding with his muscular chest.
"I ain't gonna force you. But I can try somethin' else if you want." He spoke slightly softer to you, he moved himself over you and he leaned his nose down, nudging your head and gaining access to your neck. "Just let me try...you'll like it."
It was hard to deny him, besides, he had been patient. You scratched his head, tugging slightly on his tufts. "Fine, fine...just...not hard."
"Don't worry about that...I'll be patient." He kissed your neck slowly, his teeth gave gentle nips instead of biting. "Relax for me...I'll make you feel good." His hands gently moved down your body, undressing you and getting you bare besides your panties. He leaned down and began leaving a trail of kisses from your sternum down to your belly. He got to your panties and he chuckled, "Aren't these the ones I ripped off?" He asked with am amused, smug smirk.
You, in turn, rolled your eyes. "Yes...god. I bought them again! They were my favorite pair! And you tore them off like you were a crazed man."
"I was crazed that day. You were drivin' me nuts, sweet girl. But you like me like that, 'bout had me drooling over you when I cut them off." He smirked, his finger hooking under the band of fabric and teasingly pulling.
Damn him.
"You can take a damn breath, I won't rip these ones off. If they mean so much to you." Logan teased further and slowly tugged them down your legs. "You and your expensive fuckin' panties. I've seen how much these damn things are." He tossed them behind him and crawled between your legs. "Open up for me...that's a good girl." He kissed your knee and leaned closer to your core.
"I gotcha." He slowly let his fingers tease you, waiting to see if you'd object before he pushed one inside. "Already squeezin' me tight..." His scruff tickled your inner thigh as he watched your pussy swallow his finger with each pump he gave. You held back a soft moan, it felt nice...not too overwhelming, not rough.
His lips wrapped around one of your nipples and he teased it with his tongue, making you whine and grab his hair instinctively. He was doing what he could to keep his movements slow, and he was surprisingly much gentler than you were used to. He never hurt you before, but he's one to get swept up in the lustful passion rather than take his time to really feel and enjoy. That didn't mean he was a bad lover, by any means. He was the only man to ever get you to the finish line, and he made sure of it.
"Feels good," you whispered to him, "Add another," your hips gently lifted into his finger and he immediately put another one inside. The second finger made you moan again, and you felt them find your sweet, spongy spot right away. Like they were drawn to it upon being inside you, and he curled them in a slow upwards motion.
You whined below him, his mouth changed to your other nipple, not wanting to leave it out. He suckled gently and nipped along your breasts while he fingered you before he pulled his fingers out and trailed gentle pecks to your pussy. You felt fuzzy, but in a good way, it felt so good and you laid there and let him take care of you.
His lips connected to your folds and he slowly licked over them, his tongue trailing from your wet entrance up to that precious bud. He suckled on it lightly and listened to those sweet sounds you made. Your hips squirmed as he stimulated your clit, his hands held you firm but not in an overwhelming or rough way like usual. His thumb tapped your hip, telling you to stay still for him.
"Can't...it feels too good," you whined, "You know if it feels too much I can't sit still," your eyes looked down at him and you gently tugged on his hair, trying to get him to come off you. Reluctantly, he did so, strings of saliva keeping him connected to your cunt for several seconds before they broke off.
"Alright, alright sweet girl...ya can't handle too much right now huh?" He moved off and he pulled his top and jeans off, you watched as his abdominal muscles flexed and relaxed, completely unashamed that you were staring. He crawled over you again, his cock heavy and erect. He sat up a little, holding one of your legs as he guided himself to rub on you. His cock moving up and down between your folds and getting slicked up for an easy penetration.
You whined, each time his head poked your clit it made you shiver. Precum oozed out of him, coating your sweet bud in a hot fluid. Your breath had picked up, and he put his hand on your belly. "I'll be easy. I don't wanna ruin you." He leaned forward, his cock head pressed against your entrance. Slowly, he pushed himself inside, your cock pressing into you further and further until he was hilted.
You held back a soft hiss, it always stung a little, he was thick and even when he was slow, your pussy had to stretch a bit. "Ahh...fuck, Logan..." you whined, fisting the sheets by your body. He paused, looking at you as you got used to his size. The burn of being stretched so much was fading, you felt so full when he was inside you, you loved the feeling after all the discomfort was gone.
You braced for him to thrust hard and fast, but he slowly pulled out and pushed back in, steady and controlled. He held your legs open, watching your wet pussy take him, your creamy arousal making his pubic hair sticky as it dripped down his balls. "Good girl...just like that. You're doing good," Logan let out a shaky breath, his hips stayed moving at the controlled speed so you could really feel every little detail of his dick.
The veins on the sides, the shape of his head, how your walls adjusted and squeezed him to memorize all those little things...
You whined, it felt incredible, like electricity shooting through your body with each gentle thrust. His head kisses your cervix each time, precum leaking out in thick beads, gifting your velvet walls more lubricant and fluid. Logan leaned over you a bit, his hands holding your hips once again and he kissed you, his lips moving against yours sensually while he thrusted into you.
He picked up some speed, you let out a soft cry and your hands came to his shoulders. His cock moving a bit faster felt amazing, you found yourself needing more after him being so slow. You wrapped your legs around his hips and he leaned over your body even more, angling himself a bit deeper. His cock moved in and out against all the right spots, sending shooting waves of pleasure through your body. You could feel it fogging your mind as you grew closer and closer to your orgasm.
"Logan, oh god...I'm so close, just...a little more..." You managed, your breathing was a bit heavy and you kept making sweet moans and gentle cries for him, unable to stop yourself. He nodded with you, his arms wrapping around you in a big hug as he pulled you up. He fell onto his ass, you now in his lap as he ground you against him, his pubic hair rubbing your clit so damn good.
You let out a louder cry, your bodies rubbing against one another while his cock pulsed and throbbed inside your comforting walls, squeezing and milking him desperately, needing him to fill you up. As stressed as you were today, this was such a good way to relieve it. Feeling him hold you, his cock stretching you out, his hot breath on your neck.
"M'close, sweetheart, gonna fill you up good..." Logan groaned against your skin, his arms tightly wrapped around your midsection as his hips desperately jut upward. You whined, your clit being assaulted by his pubic hair and it was enough to make you cum on his dick, squeezing him just enough to send him over shortly after you. He let out a deep, guttural moan and he snapped his hips up, rolling you on him as he came inside you.
His cum shot deep into your womb and drooled out of you, coating his dick and balls, staining the sheets where he was sitting. "Nngh, fuck," Logan groaned, finally stopping the movement. He held you tight and close to him, breathing heavily with you. You were completely out of it, it felt like all the awful stress you had felt was gone, and you could immerse in all of him. His body, his touch, his scent. Logan made it better.
"Let's get ya cleaned up now...stained the damn sheets enough, you're gonna leak out when I pull out." Logan grunted with a smirk, "How do you feel now, princess..." He glanced at you, his rough hand rubbed your cheek, admiring your disheveled appearance.
"Good...I...good...." you slurred, holding onto him tighter. "Five more minutes...don't pull out yet..." You whined, your voice soft and desperate. Logan was a little taken aback, but he knew you had been having a hard time so who was he to deny you something so simple as a few more minutes of this?
"Alright, alright...five more minutes..."
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Thanks for reading.
Dividers by @/strangergraphics
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daytaker · 9 months
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The Gang React to You Falling Asleep on Them
Lucifer
*deep sigh that speaks volumes to how difficult it is for this man to get any sleep, and here you are, conked out on his shoulder...*
If you don't wake up within a few minutes, he'll have no choice but to move. He is not the sort to be so sentimental that he can't bear the thought of disturbing your precious sleeping face. Of course, he won't be an asshole about it; he'll be careful and try not to wake you up. He might even drape his jacket over you for your nap.
But only if he doesn't need it.
Mammon
"Hey, my arm's gettin' a little stiff, can I just-- ...ah."
Oh. Ah. Alright. Cool. This is happening. Hmm. Damn. Not super comfortable, and it's kinda inconvenient to be trapped here, but, pshh, what's he supposed to do, wake up a sleeping human? He's heard that can lead to...cardiac arrest, or something. He ain't gonna murder you just to move a little sooner.
You did not just start snuggling him in your sleep. Did Mammon score today or did he score today? Too bad his arm's starting to fall asleep, but, well, nothin' in life is free.
Leviathan
"What...? WHAAAAAAT?" (But only in his brain. He doesn't want to wake you up. Mammon says that can lead to cardiac arrest in humans.)
He's pretty sure he's the one who's going to keel over from heart problems at this rate. He hadn't even realized you were getting sleepy. Are you bored watching him tackle this single-player old school RPG? Did you hate it all this time and you never even mentioned it?! Why is your face so close?! Do you not have any idea the kind of mental torture you're putting him through right now?!
Deep breaths, Levi. Deep breaths. This happens in anime all the time. It's...usually a good thing! It means that the main character and their love interest are tripping all the right flags, and... and how long is this scene going to last? Those scenes almost always end with the two still on the couch, then they skip to the next day or something. How long is he going to have to just sit here... suffering...?
After about ten minutes, he's reached his limit and he gently shakes you awake. He is so embarrassed that he insists you go to bed now, and he will not take no for an answer. Good night. Goodbye. *door slams*
AAAAHHHHHHHHH.
Satan
"Hm? Have you been getting enough sleep...?"
Satan would be very pleased with the situation, though probably less intensely excited than Mammon. He'll make whatever small adjustment is necessary for his comfort, then settle in and read for as long as it takes you to wake up. He feels very warm and fuzzy. It's nice. Hopefully you do this more often. But he should really ask you about your sleep schedule. Levi must be forcing you to stay awake too often.
Asmodeus
"Aww, aren't you adorable?"
This is precious. He needs to document it. As soon as he realizes what's happening, he'll carefully pull out his D.D.D., making sure not to wake you up, and start snapping pics. A few of you, a few dozen selfies with you, a few with him pretending to be asleep too, and then a perfect shot of him kissing your forehead. Grammable as fuck.
Er... is that drool he can see in one of those photos? ...You're going to have to wake up. You can't just drool on his brand-name jacket.
Beelzebub
"Oh."
He's used to people falling asleep on him, so this doesn't really throw him for much of a loop. However, he's a bit more careful of waking you up. He knows that if he wakes Belphie, he'll just fall back asleep within a few seconds, but you're not quite so adaptable. So he'll do his best to stay quiet and not move much.
But no matter how hard he tries, he's never going to be able to turn off his stomach. You'll probably wake up with a start as his stomach roars at you about twenty inches from your face.
Belphegor
"...zzzz..."
Who are we kidding, we all know he was asleep first. Probably, he's the reason you fell asleep so easily. He's soft and warm, perfect for drifting off to dreamland...
Diavolo
"Very bold! You really are astonishingly brave."
It's not every day someone has the stones to fall asleep in his presence, let alone fall asleep and use him as some sort of glorified pillow. What a nice change of pace.
He'll continue doing whatever it is he was doing before, but he is a busy demon, running the Devildom and all. He'll slowly and carefully extricate himself when it's time to move, then have Barbatos bring you a blanket and prepare some tea for when you wake up.
Barbatos
"Humans are awfully needy creatures, aren't they."
He can't help but chuckle. You just pass out during the middle of the day? Then again, it's possible you're probably not entirely well. He'll have to disturb the young master to ask what sort of accommodations to make for you. Of course, he's sure Diavolo won't mind. But it's irresponsible to let yourself drift off like this in the castle of the king of the demons, isn't it? This isn't a resort.
Sleep well, human.
Solomon
"You're just looking cute on purpose now, aren't you?"
Oh well! Looks like he's stuck here for now. Too bad. He'll smile, put an arm around you, kick his feet up, and settle in for the long haul. Hopefully you're able to get a good, solid nap in.
Most likely, you both will. He'll pass out too within ten minutes, give or take.
Simeon
"Oh- shh. There, there."
Well, if you aren't adorable... You must be so tired. He's glad you feel so at ease with him that you let yourself fall asleep, and you certainly look cute, but he's also a little concerned that you're this tired. He'll patiently wait for you to wake up. Then he'll make you some tea and gently remind you to take better care of your health.
Luke
"Eh...?! Hey! ...WAKE UP!"
How tired are you?! You need to get better sleep! Sheesh, you need to be more careful too. You almost crushed him.
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preqwells · 1 month
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downtime | logan howlett x reader
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summary: logan had been meaning to show you the wooden cabin he'd visit when given the time— he didn't anticipate how enraptured he'd be with the the absence of chaos in his life
cw: slightly suggestive
domesticity looked good on logan in your eyes.
chopping wood for the fire you two would burn at night, making sure the weeds didn't interfere with the tomatoes you had been growing, and sometimes even fishing despite his lack of patience for it. his jeans hung low around his waist, hair speckled across his chest through his open-collared shirt—you had to admit, you liked this side of him. you two had decided you wanted to get away for a while since logan wasn't particularly needed at the moment. he had been wanting to show you the cabin he frequented when he wasn’t busy, daydreaming to himself with the thought of what your reaction would be to it. you weren't surprised at the nature of the wooden cabin. it was secluded and neatly tucked away in a corner of a vast forest that no one would dare to enter unless they were in for a rude awakening. maybe you were kidding yourself with the idea that you two might be able to go off-grid for a while, but it was a thought you both were willing to entertain.
you smiled to yourself as your eyes tore away from the much-welcomed sight of your boyfriend leaning back on the couch, hulking thighs spread as his head lolled back. your attention trailed back to the deer he had caught earlier in hopes you could do something with it. "should i slow-cook it? maybe even make it into a pot roast?" you suddenly spoke up from the kitchen, your lips pursed in thought as a lighthearted scoff left him, his eyebrow quirking up for a moment. "askin' the wrong person. never been known to be much of a chef, sweetheart." he gruffed out, too tired to allow his eyes to roll into the back of his head at the thought of even picking up on anything remotely related to cooking. "mm, you're right," you said through a small chuckle, your eyes still examining the raw meat, "could always just set up the grill out back. chop it up, make 'em into kebabs… but we don't have any skewers. if only there was something that we could use…" you playfully trailed off as you pressed your index finger to your lower lip as if conjuring a thought. logan quickly caught onto the fact that you were talking about using his claws as kebab skewers to which he shook his head in response, shooting you an amused glance.
he rose to his feet, floorboards groaning under his weight with each movement. "ha-ha, you're hilarious. damn near a comedian." he retorted as he made his way to you, placing his empty beer bottle on the counter before his arms wrapped around you, giving you a small squeeze. his front pressed to your back, your heart fluttering at the sudden contact. the contours of his muscles molded into your frame nicely, warmth emanating from him as his breath fanned against the nape of your neck. "well… i was thinking about signing up for the local comedy club. could be my big breakthrough, y'know?" you sighed in faux contemplation as you felt the softness of his lips pepper kisses from your nape to your pulse-point, his hands lingering on your waist. his thumbs found the belt loops in your jeans, tugging on them absentmindedly. "y'right, bet the squirrels and mornin' birds would love to hear the material you been practicin' on me." he murmured into your skin, eyes fluttering shut as he deeply inhaled your scent. seeing as how sensitive he was to scents, there were lots of scents he couldn't stand. hated the smell of gasoline, hated any kind of gaudy perfume— if he thought about it for too long, his nose would probably scrunch up out of disgust. yet he was particularly fond of your scent, fresh linen and cotton. your scent was as pleasing as your personality. you were good for logan. kind, compassionate— you smoothed out his rough edges. god knew he had too many.
domesticity looked good on you in logan's eyes. the wood you'd carry to the fire pit for your late-night chats recounting the events of the day, the tomatoes you'd complain about that wouldn't ripen and sometimes even fall off too early from local wildlife taking their swipes at it, and your insistence on him learning some proper patience for fishing since you still had a taste for wild-caught salmon. his hands found the hem of your flannel, sliding under the fabric as his fingertips grazed the softness of your skin, traveling down past your navel. warmth flooded your cheeks as a sheepish smile played at the corners of your lips, your hands on the counter to brace yourself. "logan— logan! i still have to marinate the meat." you hastily whispered before a breathy moan escaped you as his tongue rolled over your skin, teeth nipping at the crook of your neck. "mmm, don't worry 'bout it." he spoke into your neck before gently lifting you onto the counter, his eyes filled with affection. he didn't know how it happened, honestly. couldn't pinpoint it even if he tried to recall what you did that caused him to be so smitten with you. he quietly admired you for a few moments, taking in how hues of orange from the sun setting filtered through the window and cascaded onto the side of your face, his hand raising to cup the swell of your cheek. you didn't know it, but logan had made a quiet vow to himself to do everything in his power to make sure you were safe, in this life and the next.
he'd show you tonight how much he adored you, in more ways than just one.
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