#i just love the idea of mai actually being a little rebel and sneaking out
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voch · 4 months ago
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I absolutely adored @firecurls-27’s idea of What If Chalice Was Adopted By Other DLC Bosses? and I decided to do that with the cupbros!
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More info about these designs:
King’s Leap Prince Cup and Prince Mug were taken in by the King and Queen of games and raised to be proper Gamemasters. However, Prince Cup found he liked participating in the games way more than controlling them, and rebelled, living a double life. Every night he sneaks out and lives with the Mice, enjoying their jovial parties. Little does he know they’re planning to overthrow and execute the Queen. Mugman knows of his brother’s secret, but won’t give him away. However, he is very suspicious of the Mice, and isn’t afraid to go to any lengths to protect his kingdom. Where will each brother find their loyalties lies, and will they figure it out before it’s too late?
Esther Winchester Two Shots and Ten Gallon are the West’s most fearsome nogoodniks. Two Shots is small, rough, and rowdy, and has a shorter fuse than Mama Esther’s dynamite, but he’s an eagle eye capable of shooting a gold coin from across the town. Ten Gallon runs his Mama’s spaghetti saloon, but don’t be fooled by his more passive demeanor: he’s a professional con artist with more than a few tricks up his sleeve. Ten Gallon constantly worries Two Shots is gonna end up being picked by vultures in a ditch with his attitude, but there’s no stopping the sharpest shooter in the Isles… right?
Moonshine Mob Big Cup and Mugsy Smiles are actually raised by different members of the Mob, so they’re more distant than other Cupheads and Mugmen. Big Cup was taken under the Snail’s proverbial wing and Mugsy Smiles was adopted by Charlie and Lightbug. Big Cup is pretty tough and never takes no guff from nobody, but he feels pretty lonely in the mob. He has respect, but no real friends. He stuck the antennae into his hat to feel a bit more part of the family (just don’t ask where he got the antennae from). Mugsy Smiles, meanwhile, is more of an entertainer. He can play many instruments, he can sing, and he can dance. He’s not afraid to get his dirty in the real whiskey business, though. Big Cup and Mugsy Smiles don’t really connect the dots that they’re brothers, but they both feel like something is missing from their past…
Glumstone Cuppy and Muggy are beloved by the gnomes. Cuppy has gotten a real knack for mining and loves the shiniest of ores and gems. He even uses gold to fix cracks in his skin. Muggy tends to growing the Gnomeberry gardens, making sure they’re as bright and juicy as possible. Being raised how they were, they picked up many more talents, including storytelling, making every sentence a rhyme, and of course, mountain climbing. In fact, Porkrind often recalls the tale of how they rescued his beloved wife from her demise in the snowy hills. And every summer, when the happy campers dare to venture through the mountains, they may get to sneak a peek of the two tallest gnomes in the Isle…
Mortimer Freeze Cold Cup and Snow Milk, aka the Ice Cream Brothers, are not to be trifled with. The most powerful magicians in the Isles, their combined magic is said to be strong enough to freeze over Hell itself. Cold Cup uses Ice Cream and similarly delicious frozen treats to lure in new members, while Snow Milk… deals with them. Details in their design I’m proud of? Cold Cup has a Pentacle in his hat while Snow Milk has a Sword necklace. Pentacles are the replacement for Diamonds in Tarot, and Swords are the replacement for Spades.
Howling Aces Cast and Mike (named after “C” and “M” in the RAF Radiophonic alphabet, respectively) were raised as Yankee Yippers to be the new Top Dogs of the Howling Aces. Cast, who takes more after Hugo Bulldog — and even has the same bones tattoo to prove it — is serious and well-trained soldier. Mike, who has a more natural love of aeroplanes and leadership, takes more after Sargent O’Fera. However, Mike has a long-standing rivalry with local boy genius Canteen Hughes, who seems to have a bone to pick with the Aces, for some reason. Guess he and Mugman can’t be best friends in every universe…
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qveenpoppy · 1 month ago
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things i noticed in my pilot rewatch:
wolf almost immediately grabs a glass of champagne when he walks into the wedding with his first patient. i know the show's hinted at him having drug issues, but maybe he has some alcohol ones too? (unless that idea was abandoned since the pilot was written/filmed.)
"except now we're prescribing drugs instead of taking them." "speak for yourself." yeah he's definitely still dealing with those drug issues. i feel like the show's mostly implied for that to be a past thing (we've only seen him take anything twice, to my memory? not counting 1x09's upcoming flashback sequence) but i wonder if/when that'll become an issue again (maybe another patient loss that hurts wolf harder than roman's did? like a father figure, that'll bring back his feelings of guilt over his dad's death?)
it's tiny but i feel like van's crush is hinted at here, with him offering ericka an extra pair of scrubs (while jacob cockily jokes about his being too big for her) and the way he sneaks a glance at her while she changes (not in a creepy way, it's like a nervous/shy kinda way).
he also smiles at her when she yells at jacob while they're searching for hannah's childhood home, after jacob un-empathetically says the kids would be better off with their dad (guess van likes strong women; girlboss/malewife vibes? lol)
"do i ever have to talk to him again?" (wolf talking about nichols.) lmao, you're gonna be in love with him in about 6 episodes from now. also someone write me some pilot era wolfnichols hate sex.
"name one person you like who's not a patient." "you, i like you!" he's so autism-coded ❤️
wolf still uses cassette tapes in his car (which is also quite old, since it still plays tapes), what a grandpa
carol has a picture with michelle obama in her office (not really an important thing to notice, but i thought it was cool)
there's a line in one of the flashbacks (apologies for not quoting it verbatim) from muriel about "keeping our differences to ourselves", which probably explains why wolf isn't super open about his facial blindness. (and probably applies to all of his other traits that make him "different", like his sexuality, or popularly headcanon'd autism. i mean, i know he's open about his sexuality now as an adult, perhaps as a way of rebelling against his mom, but, as we may see in more flashbacks, he probably kept it to himself for quite a while.)
van is completely frozen when hannah has her seizure, he even backs up a little when she falls out of her chair. probably didn't wanna touch her and experience a phantom seizure.
whoever directed the ep made zach & teddy look like they're the same height when nichols confronts wolf and kicks him off the case. i guess it keeps them, literally and figuratively, on the same level in the dispute. but now we all know that wolf's actually shorter, and it's funny how that's been primarily highlighted when they're fooling around with each other. (i know it's an intentional directing tactic, though, bc a similar thing was done in the batman v superman movie when bruce and clark stand eye to eye - henry cavill is also 3 inches shorter than ben affleck. emphasizing the height difference would imply a power imbalance, which you don't want in these sort of gray zone conflicts!)
"the only way this will work is if we open up to each other." [nichols walks by and catches wolf's eye] foreshadowing
(i don't mean just like foreshadowing their romance, but maybe also the impact that nichols will have on wolf, getting him to open up about his past and whatnot. same, perhaps, for nichols, since we still hardly know anything about his background, besides his military experience and implied own closeting.)
(could also quite easily and literally refer to their work relationship, as we learned from that interview with teddy that, despite their romantic connection, they're still going to have some disputes about patient treatments in future episodes/cases.)
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backhurtyy · 3 years ago
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ummm how about matchablossom or mailee + 18?💕
18 - willow by taylor swift
the more that you say, the less i know
wherever you stray, i follow
im begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans
For all that she pretended to be ditzy and thoughtless, Ty Lee never made a single decision without thinking it all the way through. She analyzed it down to every possible consequence, every minute detail, every tiny ripple in her life it could cause. Only once she was satisfied she’d thought of every outcome— so quickly that it barely seemed she’d given it any thought at all— did she pick the best one and act.
It was a system, and it worked, and nothing could make her decide on things differently.
Except for when Mai was involved.
Because when Mai was involved, then she really was ditzy and thoughtless. She acted irrationally, without thinking, without analyzing, without breaking things down. So long as what she did helped Mai, or brought her back to Mai, or kept her at Mai’s side, she didn’t care what she did.
That was the thing about being in love with someone since childhood, she’d learned. Decisions always seemed to end up skewed in their favor.
And looking back at her life, all of the biggest decisions Ty Lee had made, and the ones involving the least amount of thought, circled back to Mai somehow.
She’d only run away and joined the circus because Mai told her it was a good idea. She’d only been able to betray Azula at Boiling Rock because Mai had the courage to do it first. She’d only become a Kyoshi Warrior because Mai encouraged her. Time and time again, Mai was at the center of everything she did.
Mai was captivating, the star that Ty Lee orbited around, with a gravity to her that Ty Lee couldn’t escape even if she wanted to.
And now, Mai seemed determined to change her life once again, appearing in front of her right as she was finishing her shift with her hand out and an expectant look on her face. The gesture was unmistakable in its meaning, but Ty Lee was still surprised when the first thing Mai said was, “Come with me.”
Ty Lee blinked once, then grabbed Mai’s outstretched hand. She had no clue where they were going, and she was exhausted after following Zuko around all day and had been looking forward to collapsing into her bed to sleep, but it didn’t matter. She’d known from the moment Mai showed up and held out her hand that she was going to go with her, no matter how it wreaked her plans for the evening.
Mai smiled, the small but genuinely happy kind she reserved just for Ty Lee, and started leading them down the hall, never making any move to drop Ty Lee’s hand.
“Where are we going?” Ty Lee finally asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“You’ll see,” Mai responded cryptically. She took a complicated series of turns down the winding red halls, but Ty Lee was familiar enough with the palace after so long that she knew they were heading towards one of the secret exits.
She raised an eyebrow. “We’re sneaking out? What for?”
There was no reason, after all; Zuko didn’t care where they went, Ty Lee wasn’t on shift anymore, and no one was going to look at Mai with her knives and scowl and pointed eyeliner and tell her she couldn’t go wherever she wanted.
Mai shrugged and finally looked over her shoulder at Ty Lee, a glimmer of what Ty Lee could only describe as mischief in her eyes. “Just for old times sake. I mean, how many times did we sneak out as kids?”
Ty Lee grinned, remembering how they’d gotten caught a thousand times over after failing to stifle their giggles as they snuck out to get sweet rolls from the city. Everyone had always assumed Ty Lee was the mastermind encouraging them to sneak out, and she’d never corrected them, but in reality it had always been Mai; just another example of how Ty Lee failed to make good decisions when Mai was involved.
Although, with Mai’s hand in hers now and the memory of her laughter as a kid in her ears, Ty Lee wasn’t sure how Mai could be anything but a good decision.
She just laughed and squeezed Mai’s hand once. “Are there going to be sweet rolls involved?”
“Amongst other things.”
Ty Lee hummed once, curiosity growing with every cryptic response, but she didn’t pry anymore— she just let Mai continue leading the way, content to follow her wherever she went. So long as Mai kept holding on to her hand, she didn’t care what the plan was.
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nny11writes · 3 years ago
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im amused at how well you nailed everybody's character with so little context... season 2 hadnt even come out yet??? but scorpia would ABSOLUTELY cry over anything, and her lil baby lying to her would probably get a nice shedful of tears. she would somehow think it's her own fault for not being a responsible mother that makes her kid feel like they can tell the truth.
the idea of entrapta being the semi responsible parent despite irresponsibly creating life is funny to me. she built her own parents like you said, AND she actually has looked after kids (emily.... imp... wrong hordak...) so it makes sense shed be quite paternal even without actual role models to go from.
catra thinking shes never going to get attached to the kid and then being the most insecure parent xD
i love how you just straight up made a scorptra baby because why the fuck not (i love how entrapta just straight up made a scorptra baby because why the fuck not)
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lol, thank you! It's a weird one because I started it so early on so I feel like I can see which parts (because apparently not ALL of the parts are posted like I thought they were) I wrote early on and which have been added since :p
I stand by Scorpia isn't an easy crier, but my god when it's her own kid she is nothing but water works! Absolutely she'd be like, "What have I done that make her not trust me????" While Catra is rolling her eyes like, "Scorpia she's a child, she can and will and should rebel." Meanwhile Entrapta sagely is nodding along, "Everyone does and is allowed to have secrets. It doesn't reflect on you."
They still talk with her later and make sure she knows they love her and she can tell them anything.
Look, Entrapta may be banned from the history museum because she kept sneaking a group of kids into the back to see the real dino bones, but one on one with a kid she will default to parenting rules imo. She programmed her own parents and I feel like she would want something to go by for it, so her rules are all very reasonable and she follows them well. If Clawdeen ever feels strongly that Entrapta is being unfair, they 100% sit and discuss it. Clawdeen knows if she can convince any of her moms of her point they'll change their mind lol.
Look my parents negotiated with me when I was about 4-6 years old that I would never have to wear dresses again and I could choose my own clothes from either the boys or girls section as long as I understood that my uncle's wedding was THAT DAY and there was no time or money to get me something different so I had to wear a dress instead. I am biased and SPT is like my parents. No curfew, just let us know if you'll be coming back after we're asleep. You broke this rule that you knew about, and this is the punishment we'd already told you about, does this still seem fair to you? No mandatory chores, but I was not allowed to leave a mess in shared spaces. So if I insisted on not doing my own laundry that was fine but I had to suffer with stinky clothes lol. There was a lot of negotiating, discussion, and checking in with them.
One time, I forged my dad's signature for a while in Elementary school and really thought I was slick, then when I got in trouble I forged it on that and my teacher crossed it out and told me I had to get an actual signature and explain why there was one already on there. My dad just let me cry about it for a while as he assured me he wasn't mad, and the first thing he checked was why I forged his signature. I did it because I always forgot to get it for my homework so I'd sign it before class when I remembered, and I didn't want him to be mad at me for getting in trouble at school. He was understanding and we came up with a solution so I wouldn't forget.
I base SPT on this kinda model where if one of them just knows they're the wrong person to handle it they make sure Clawdeen knows they love her and then have someone better set up for it do it.
Eventually all three will share basically all responsibilities, but at the start Entrapta holds the responsible parental reins. Once Catra isn't scared she'll over react and Scorpia is less of a push over, then the chaos can really kick off!!!
Catra is just really like, "Well if I say I won't care about this person, then I won't!" when in reality she will become so protective of them it's almost hilarious. Catra doesn't latch on easily but once she's decided you're one of her people, fucking good luck try to not be.
Catra: I wish we had super soldiers to back up the bots :(
Scorpia: Ooo, that would be so cool!!!!
Entrapta: I can do that, Hordak has cloning stuff anyways so I just need some DNA, like hair or nails.
Catra, who does not know what cloning and DNA are: And you'll make a super soldier!? Heck yeah, permission granted! I shed all the time. >:D
Scorpia, wildly misinterpreting what's happening: Yay, Super Pal Trio!!!!! <3<3<3<3
~
Clawdeen: How are babies made?
Entrapta: Well, you see, when you have at least one willing donor for genetic materials and access to a state of the art lab, you can grow one!
Catra, thinking she's being funny: Or two people can just fff-
Scorpia: KISS AND THEN THEY FIND A BABY IN A CABBAGE PATCH!
Clawdeen: Science or magic garden, got it.
Catra: Wait- no-
Scorpia and Entrapta: YES
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permafusion-stevonnie · 3 years ago
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So this idea isn’t leaving my head. While I’m not going to get it started for now, since I want to concentrate on my current Stevonnie comic, ideas are still ticking away and I just really wanted to draw this cover for the idea.
Maybe I’ll get its own page started in time. I’ll let you know if I do. But even if I did, I wouldn’t expect regular updates to it, not while I’m working on Together Forever.
I want to quickly say something that I think some people may have gotten confused about when I was talking about the Fallout Universe before:
Crystal Gems are still called Crystal Gems, but their role is similar, but not the same as the Brotherhood of Steel. In that they are isolationists, who will try to protect humanity from dangerous gem technology, and corrupted gems. they aren’t bothered with human mutants, human problems, or human technology. But I feel that, ove time, Steven will help their character growth away from this and help them, at least, start opening up to the local comminuty and helping where they can.
Homeworld Authority is still called Homeworld, or The Authority, but take on a similar role to the Enclave. They view themselves as the rightful masters of earth and they’re automatically more superior to any other lifeform by birthright.
I have been thinking over what could have occurred to create this world, how’s this for a (work in progress) backstory: (ended up a lot longer than I thought it would, so I’m space saving by putting in this break)
The Gem colonisation of earth happened later than it did in canon. A couple of thousand years, maybe. Unlike the 6000 years ago in canon, it was perhaps 5000, or maybe 4000 years ago. Enough for a bigger human civilisation to take part in the gem war for earth.
Pink still gets her colony started, still changes her mind about it, and finally chooses to become Rose Quartz to lead the rebellion. I think the human zoo will still be made, because I like the idea of that being around to give a mash-up of the human zoo and the mother ship zeta dlc from Fallout 3.
What really diverges from the timeline is when the rebellion starts fighting back with larger groups of human allies. 4000 (or 5000) years ago we are talking some good military strategies, chariots, bows and arrows, cavalries and tactics, etc. Some research will be needed to really flesh out the lore.
Homeworld, facing a bigger threat than a hundred or so rebels, puts a little more effort into research and development of newer technologies to counteract the human strategies. Nothing develops technologies quite like war.
Rose and the others start capturing some technologies from Homeworld and start studying them to not only understand them, but even attempting to reverse engineer them. They obviously won’t be able to replicate the weapons in form, but hope to do so in function.
This is where Scribes would come in for the Crystal Gems are the replacement for the Brotherhood of Steel that I’ve talked about before. Some Gems and some clever humans, would dedicate themselves to trying to understand the newer Gem technology they’re starting to see.
With inventive people like Bismuth to build their own version of it.
The actual Gem Technology will be locked away in the temple- or whatever name I may give it- but the remake versions that the Crystal Gems turn out will be spread far and wide.
I’m just thinking off the top of my head, but it’d be like- if they tried to make their own version of the gem destabiliser, it would be like a giant tuning fork hooked up to something similar to a large Baghdad Battery (google it, it’s kinda cool) that they would carry in a backpack.
The war would carry on like that, with Homeworld making new tech to combat the threat, sooner or later the rebellion captures some, they make their own version of it, and Homeworld makes new tech to combat the threat.
This drain on resources does take its toll on Homeworld though, and their war against earth is perhaps much shorter, between 300 and 800 years, I haven’t decided yet.
Things do play out similar to canon though. Homeworld decides to abandon earth as a lost cause, implant the Cluster so they’ll get something out of the deal and the three Diamonds blast the earth with their powers as a final middle finger to the rebels.
Gems are destroyed, except for the original Crystal Gems, and Bismuth! Canon Bismuth made a lot of regular weapons and armour and the rebellion was still losing. She was driven to making the Breaking Point because she didn’t think they had a chance of winning any other way. In this new canon, however, because Bismuth was working on newer and newer weapons all the time, each one she was confident would help turn the tide of the war, she never had chance to work on the ultimate weapon of the Breaking Point. She may have designed it, or may have the idea kicking around the back of her mind, but never got around to building it. 
Rose does her thing of finding somewhere isolated to live in both peace and regret for the war. This is where the Crystal Gems become isolationists
With the Gems gone, humans are left to their own devices with all this more advanced technology than they should have in this point in history. Tech continues to develop with this head start.
Fast forward to the year 1929 and people are living lives as you’d see in the Fallout universe in the 2070′s. Nuclear fulled cars, robot assistants, laser rifles and power armour and all that other stuff.
The reason I chose 1929 is two-fold. The first Fallout game was set 84 years after the nuclear war, and 84 years after 1929 is the year 2013; the year Steven Universe first aired.
The failing of the world is the same reason the Fallout universe failed. Resources started to become scarce, wars started over what remained and the whole thing was escalated by a race that may have been too young to fully understand the forces they were really dealing with, having come a long way, but still too fast, thanks to the ancient interference.
Nuclear hellfire rained down and some people took their shelter in the vaults, while everyone else had to find ways to survive outside.
Rose and the Gems stick to their isolation as humanity all but wipes itself out. Rose is heartbroken to see the beautiful world that she fought so hard for, so easily destroyed. There can be a lot to explore there. Maybe Rose will leave the group, maybe she’ll just wander off and be alone a lot but still return to the temple eventually. I haven’t decided yet.
Perhaps all the gems will have some additional guilt, knowing that their old tech is what pushed humanity so far so fast.
Fast forward 70 years and Rose meets a travelling wastelander named Greg. They fall in love. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here mostly because I haven’t really thought too much about it, but partly because I know I want it to be explored within the story itself to show how different from canon it would be. Not just the flashback elements from “Story for Steven,” and "We Need to Talk," with a Fallout flair. I want to work out some other nice adventures to bring them together.
Rose and Greg come back to Beach City with Rose expecting their baby.
Steven is born and the Gems immediately take custody, with the logic that their secure base is a better place for Steven to grow up than the harsh wasteland. Greg is allowed to visit as often as he likes, but not stay there. Nor is Steven allowed off the base. They want to protect the legacy of their leader, Rose.
I’m going to say that Steven starts showing hints of Gem powers around 10 years old. Nothing he can control. Perhaps his Gem glows when he’s really happy, if he falls down some steps his bubble forms but immediately pops so it’s just enough to save him from injury. Little things like that.
But this serves as a point where The Gems start “encouraging” Greg to visit less and leave the raising of Steven to them, as his upbringing has now become “Gem Business”
Steven may have snuck off the base once or twice to see the world beyond the base, but after this he’ll do it a lot more often to see his dad and the Beach City settlement.
I think Bismuth suspects he sneaks off but both can’t prove it, and doesn’t want to try and prove it, Garnet knows but says nothing, both of them are letting Steven have his fun, and Pearl has no idea he does it.
Amethyst is not part of the group in the beginning, she’s out as part of a raider gang somewhere. Thank you to theyarheeguy for giving me that idea, and many others, to work with.
A total of 84 years after the bombs dropped, Steven is now 12 years old, sneaking off the base for another visit to town, when he spots a pretty young girl dressed in a strange blue jumpsuit, emerging from a hidden trapdoor that was underneath the old Beach City water-tower.
Steven is 12 because I believe that’s how old he was when the show started. Based on the timeline, the passing of the seasons and so on, he has to have a 13th birthday that we don’t see on screen, before we do see his 14th birthday.
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fresh-prince-of-denmark · 4 years ago
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Literary References in The Sun: The Marriage of Heaven and Hell (Pt 3)
CYBERPUNK ENDING SPOILERS AHEAD
If you haven’t read my other two literary analysis pieces please read the analysis of V’s Mikoshi poem here and Johnny’s Mikoshi poem here! This one is a real doosey though. In fact, I think it might even allude to either future DLC or imply the reason V decides to got to the Crystal Palace in the end.
As I play through all the endings, I’ve been on the lookout for all pieces of literature scattered around the world. I found this one downstairs in V’s apartment after (Don’t Fear) the Reaper (hardest level in a video game in my humble opinion, yikes), but I assume it’s the same in any iteration of The Sun’s ending. It comes from the first chapter in The Marriage Between Heaven and Hell called The Argument. If you’ve read my thoughts on V’s poem, this should set off some alarm bells (remember the line “like a tedious argument?).
A bit of a background on out author, William Blake, should also set off some alarm bells. TRUST ME, this is important! I straight up lost my mind when I saw this. William Blake was, as Johnny would say, a true rebel. He challenged a lot of the ideas of organized religion through his art and poetry, such as the simple idea that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. Who’s ideas was he responding to exactly? Swedenborg’s. Emmanuel Swedenborg. AKA our mysterious crank philosopher in the side quest Happy Trails, who Johnny complains and disagrees with throughout the entire quest. Blake disagreed that the line between good and evil is clear, and that as humans we can be both good and evil. This really strikes me as such a Johnny poem to pick. After all, Johnny’s an asshole. But his reasoning for his art, his belief system, was noble. Even if he is a dick. Let’s move on to the poem:
Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burdened air;
Hungry clouds swag on the deep.
Once meek, and in a perilous path,
The just man kept his course along
The vale of death.
Roses are planted where thorns grow,
And on the barren heath
Sing the honey bees.
Then the perilous path was planted:
And a river and a spring
On every cliff and tomb;
And on the bleached bones
Red clay brought forth.
Till the villain left the paths of ease,
To walk in perilous paths, and drive
The just man into barren climes.
Now the sneaking serpent walks
In mild humility,
And the just man rages in the wilds
Where lions roam.
Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burdened air;
Hungry clouds swag on the deep.
So what’s this all about? Rintrah is our main character, meant to personify the righteous anger of a true prophet, walking toward “the vale of death,”  a seemingly more painful yet beautiful path to walk. Opposed to him is the “villain”, someone who leaves “the path of ease,” to walk a more difficult path to join our protagonist to “rage in the wilds.” This poem colludes with the passage: 
“Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence.
From these contraries spring what the religious call Good and Evil. Good is the passive that obeys reason; Evil is the active springing from Energy. Good is heaven. Evil is hell.”
What is this saying? We all have both good and evil within us, and that’s actually a positive thing. One cannot progress without these contradictions. Being good means to passively obey, while being evil means being active with energy.
Without going too far into the book (we’d be here all day, it’s so long and hard to read. Blake is super interesting but such a blowhard), there’s some other ideas that are interesting in contrast with the story of Cyberpunk. Blake asserts several new ideas in his next chapter, The Voice of the Devil. In this section, the speaker calls the Bible out on contradictory statements; such as the idea that the body and soul are separate, and that The Energy called Evil comes from the body, while The Reason called Good comes from the Soul. Blake argues that the body and soul are one; Energy (Evil) are life, and Reason (good) are what surrounds it. Real complicated way to say that good and evil are no so easily defined. Blake praises Milton’s Paradise Lost in for showing that resisting temptation does not make one strong, and that by giving into desire Milton’s hero is righteous. Who is the hero of Paradise Lost you may ask? Satan. Hmmmm...
The next sections promote the idea of giving into temptation; standing for creativity, art, and fighting against repression. He describes giants who formed the earth, the Prolific (who stand for art, and temptation) and the Devouring (the meek, oppressed and obedient). They are at constant war with one another. This comes right back to our “tedious argument” in V’s poem: the little people, like V, are the Devouring. They don’t have time to disobey, to rise up against oppression. Conformity, whether it’s doing sketchy jobs for fixers or working for Arakaka, is rewarded with survival, often at the cost of one’s soul. It is the easy, the meek, path. Johnny hopes to stand for the Prolific, questioning the status quo, walking the rebel path, using art to “shake the world awake.” Johnny also represents this in the way he gives into temptation, whether that be drugs or his impulsiveness in general. Another interesting thing this brings up is the whole Heaven/Hell/Life/Mikoshi dichotomy. V questions if Mikoshi is “the light of heaven, or the fire of hell.” This loops back to Johnny’s poem again: what is immortality? What does it mean to be alive? According to Blake, the line between heaven and hell aren’t so black and white either, and in fact hell might not be so bad. Why would the Devil punish the true rebels? So which of V’s paths truly chooses life? To walk toward the unknown, or to live in a withering body, one that will one day decay, sooner or later, whether V or Johnny returns to it. Huh. Maybe the Blackwall isn’t so bad. And much like Blake, Johnny doesn’t seem to afraid of Blackwall/Hell. Scared to push V toward the unknown, sure. But at least appearing unafraid, since much like Blake, he’s already faced it once. 
So what does this mean for our ending, and for possible future DLC? Is this meant to be the true ending, despite popular (and my personal belief) that The Star seems to be the happiest ending? Why does V go to the crystal palace? Are they continuing to play Night City’s game, where one either “becomes an asshole or is killed by one” (according to Judy)? Or are they the “villain”, leaving their previous path of the meek to join Rintrah/Johnny and rage in the wilds? This game does a lot of work to pit the idea of art vs conformity, survival of the body vs the soul, and for that reason I hope this is saying something about The Sun ending: we’re going to find Johnny. Either in a metaphorical sense, connecting to his legacy…or maybe in a physical sense?
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spartanxhunterx · 3 years ago
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What would the ages be for the princess knight julerose? Also are we having pure of heart rose who slowly becomes exhausted and morally grey after seeing what people do to Juleka? Or are we having pure of heart knight who keeps on smiling even when they’re not okay on the inside?
I’ve decided the lowest age for the Miraculous Characters is 17, most will be 18 or more though. Just because I don’t want to write about 13 year olds going off and slaying monsters. The increase in age gives me a little leeway to show that everyone is a little more experienced then their 13 year old selves would be.
Ok, so, what’s happening to Juleka isn’t say, Torture and harassment.
Because Juleka is legitimate Royalty by their traditional standards, and no-one, NO-ONE, is going to hurt a member of a Royal family. Cause it has been proven to come back to bite them in the ass before.
What’s actually happening is that Juleka is being kept in the keep where she was raised, Royal caretakers, assigned by the king of the Kingdom she lives in, are there to teach Juleka “how to act like proper Royalty, so she may best serve her future husband” and she hates it.
Juleka doesn’t want to be here, she doesn’t want to be Royalty. She wants to be free, to adventure, explore, fight, fall in love in her own pace. But she’s not allowed, cause since Anarka Usurped the Lords chair (someone ask me about this cause this a is a lengthy thing to explain and I can’t put it here) she isn’t actually Royalty herself and therefore, doesn’t get very many rights to say what her daughter does.
Rose, in all this, is just a Knight Assigned to Guard this “Rebel Princess” who keeps trying to sneak out and learn to sword fight. The idea being that Juleka would be more at ease with someone her age, and at ease she is!
Rose is like 95% pure of heart, always doing good, always trying to do what’s right, but that 5%? … Lets just say there’s a reason Rose managed to become a Knight at 18, while everyone else from her Ranks is still a Squire and leave it at that.
But she will never bite down her emotions, she will be calm, but she will never let her emotions go unresolved or ignored.
Ultimately Juleka is treated like a Favourite child by the Staff and hates it but Rose sees that no real harm is coming her way, she does feel bad that Juleka can’t do what she wants though.
I would say, that the only Character that can beat Roses pure heart is Adrien.
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gills-corn · 4 years ago
Text
Once there was a boy and a butterfly.
It wasn't a butterfly at first, of course - the boy picked up a lone caterpillar one scorching May morning and nursed it to adulthood. As it molted and grew wings and learned to fly, the boy played under the sun, showering in the sunshine and the summer rains.
The butterfly flew away, right out of a window and to the sky. The boy was outside, running around with a group of children his age, playing whatever their heart desired. He didn't even had the chance to say good-bye.
He cried himself to sleep that night, inconsolable. The next day, he's back on his feet after a friend gave him a cone of ice cream, as fickle as the summer day that shined down upon him.
He became just a boy, with no butterfly, but a boy who knows more about leaving and losing than the day ago.
The next years repeated the same way - a boy, alone in the universe, but bodies still orbited around him, people he knew loved him but he couldn't quite comprehend why or how. He had long forgotten is butterfly. People came and went - friends, classmates, family members - and he had learned how to cope. He had learned about the importance of them arriving, of them leaving, of them tracing a solitary mark on his life.
Still, the idea of having something you value so dearly, so tenderly is lost on him. But what does he know? He's sixteen and miserable and alone, not entirely friendless or lonely, but there's still a vacuum around him, warping around his from like a black hole.
"I don't think I'm capable of love," he had mentioned to his friend once, in the throes of drunkenness. There's a sad smile on his face, reminiscent of a boyhood not-so-lost but drifting away.
"You are. Everyone is," his friend answered, his eyes fluttering shut. He rested his head on the other boy's shoulder.
The silence rang through the boy's ears as other bodies slept around him, his friends that fancied themselves as rebels but didn't do more than sneak a few bottles of beers. He examined his friend's face and returned to his drink, his body thrumming.
He was nearly seventeen, crying in the bathroom, his heart threatening to burst out of his tight chest. A boy with no butterfly, no love to give, no best friend to hold onto, whether they're drinking, laughing, or exploring the blissful tragedy of teenage-hood.
He thought he knew how to say good-bye. He had practiced this all of his life - see you soon, hope you'll be okay and, in times of death, I'm so sorry for your loss. This was worse than death itself - it was something that was torn out of his life, like a page from a book, except the page was inked with memories he could never forget and things he wished he had said.
First there was sadness.
Then there was anger.
He tore out fistfuls of hair from his head. He threw away comic books they once shared, mixtapes they made for each other, notes passed around class, naughty and mischieveous and immature. He kicked his door and teared up because he stubbed his toe. He tore his curtains down and immediately repaired them, not wanting his mother to be more worried than she already is.
Finally, it was the numbness, the calm.
Everyone was too worried about him, too careful about the words they said. The hurricane had soon departed, he thought to himself, but everyone was afraid to start another one. He did not have the energy nor the time for it anymore. He had wasted enough time as it is. He had school to focus on, friendships he wanted to revive, apologies he had to give out.
He was trying to be a better person. But why did it feel like he's only making himself worse?
"He told me you thought you didn't know how to love," a friend told him. She blew a gust of smoke on his face from the cigarette she'd been smoking.
Something wrenches behind his ribcage. "Yeah."
"I'd say you were wrong," she replied. "You acted out because you love him. And you can't bear to see him leave."
"I know," he murmured. He raised his head. The familiar warmth of his friend's eyes, the slope of her nose, the crookedness of her teeth were all a gentle reminder of a childhood diminished but he hoped to cling onto it as much as he can. He tried to stop his voice from cracking as he added, "I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't be. We're all upset. And sad. He's our friend since, like, forever. But the world goes on. If you don't catch up, you might just get left behind."
That was the thing he liked about this friend. She was never too gentle.
He was able to move onto seventeen without a hitch. His remaining friends helped him celebrate, throw a party, down a few shots. He made him realize that was able to love and he had been loving them since he knew them. And he knew they loved him back.
Seventeen felt new, fragile. Maybe he was just being overdramatic but he was getting closer to adulthood. He wasn't much of a child anymore, with overgrown limbs, unwanted hair and things he was not able to control, but the thought of moving to adulthood was too daunting. Sometimes, your past selves are the ones who leave and you must still know how to depart from them properly.
The universe goes on and he moves on. Slowly. But he's getting there. School was ending. The number of summers of spending with his friends was dwindling. Soon, there'd be university, jobs, apartments. A few years later, relationships, marriages, children would start to appear in his life and rubbed on his nose, whether he liked it or not. The future was vast, terrifying, like the expanse of the wide, deep space. He decided that he'd take on his last summer as a child, even though he had lost the title years ago.
He knew things left. He didn't always expected them to come back.
Everyone rejoiced at his best friend returning for the summer - everyone, that is, only his friends. They all were planning for their last hurrah before departing their own ways after the next school year. He didn't know how everyone just became happy and fun and excited as if his friend's loss didn't rip out a piece of his soul.
Summer was ruined. He should have known that days of fingers sticky with melted ice cream, skin smelling just like sunshine and jumps into creeks and pools were long gone. He stayed in his bedroom for as long as he can. He knew that with him coming back, he'd be leaving again.
"Are you avoiding me?" his friend asked him, lying side by side as they stared on the dark ceiling of his bedroom.
He was not able to get out of the end-of-summer sleepover. He did not want to disappoint his other friends and their powers of convincing were straight out of an telemarketer.
He breathes out, his heart rattling. "What do you think?"
"I'm sorry. I - I know you're still upset with me leaving."
"Well. That answers your question now, doesn't it."
"You can't hide from me forever. I can't handle it."
"Do you think I knew how to handle it when you walked away from my life?" he shot back.
Tears clawed at his throat and he felt something hot behind his eyes. He closes them, hoping to get out o this nightmare.
"I didn't have a choice. My dad got a promotion, my mom's unhappy with her job here - "
"You could have told me," he replied. His voice was quiet, pinched. "At least I could have prepared myself."
"Can we talk outside?" his friend whispered urgently.
The two of them stood up. They were both the same height now, all awkward limbs and unharnessed strength. His friend gleamed under the glow of the silver moon outside, his tears glossing on the tops of his cheekbones. He stretched his hand, beckoning him to come closer.
He had no choice but to take it.
That summer night was cold but everything else was bright. If they were seven years younger, they would have howled at the full moon and ecstatic that they had managed to be awake past midnight. Nostalgia gnawed through his heart like an unwanted termite. He clasped his chest as his friend sat on the grass, not minding the stains on his white pajamas. He sat beside him, listening intently to the silence.
"Do you still think you can't love anyone?" his friend answered.
"No, not anymore." He smiled. A little. "I realized that I actually love all of you. My parents. Even my little sister. I was just drunk and melodramatic."
His friend laughed quietly but in a way that was still distinctly his. "I get what you meant, though. Sometimes, I - I feel like there's just something missing and it makes you all hollow inside."
"But you still loved, right?"
"Yeah," his friend replied. "I have never felt more love. That was cheesy but it's true."
"You're right. Maybe truth is a little cheesy. Maybe we need a little cheese in our life."
"I am so, so sorry. I can't - I did not know what to tell you, really, that I was going to go."
"But you told Tom - "
"No, I meant you. It's just - just the thought of saying good-bye to you hurts. Hell, even physically. I did not want to lose you. Or anyone. But especially you."
"Well, you tend to lose people in your life. That's sort of how it works."
"But then I wouldn't know how to live."
"Don't say that. Losing people does not mean losing yourself, too."
His friend sighs. "I know. What I'm trying to say is - I didn't want to make you upset, disappointed, sad or whatever. I know what I did probably made you more like those things and I apologize. Really. It was selfish of me. I didn't want to think about you not being there right by my side."
"You were right." He sat up straighter. "I - I didn't know what to do with myself when you left. Losing people means losing a part of you, I know, but I never seemed to realize that you were such a large part in my life that it made me crumble."
"Remember the first time I gave you ice cream? We were like eight or whatever. It was from my savings from school. I wasn't actually full that time. You were just so sad and you loved ice cream so. . . I gave you a cone."
His eyes crinkled as he gazed upon his friend's open and vulnerable face. "My butterfly left the day before. Of course I was sad. But why did you do that?"
"You know how I always get you ice cream, right? You, only you. Always vanilla and chocolate in a wafer cone. Whenever you want one or whenever you're miserable, I give you an ice cream cone. Sometimes, there wasn't even any reason. I just gave you one."
"Yeah, but Kay and Rachel are lactose intolerant and - "
"I'm trying to say that you're special. To me. Ever since we met. And I can't - I did not know how to say good-bye. Especially to my favorite person."
They were grasping hands, sweat intermingling.
"I know. But we all have to, right? Eventually. But seems like I still need to learn that lesson."
"Why?"
"You're my favorite person as well and I - I can't bid you farewell for the second time."
"Well. We don't have to think about saying good-bye right now, you know. We can think of what we should be doing now."
"Like what? Sleep?"
"No." A beat passes, like a flap of a butterfly's wings. "Can I kiss you?"
"Yes. Absolutely."
As their lips meet, bittersweet yet refreshing, filled with shed tears, unfurled emotion and whispered love confessions, they say hello and bid good-bye to each other again and again, like two butterflies floating in the air.
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isitgintimeyet · 4 years ago
Text
Just a Friend
So I finally started to write another story...
I will try and post weekly, but can’t promise on account of real life and my inability to actually focus on translating what’s in my head onto paper (or screen!)
Getting the courage to post never gets any easier, but here goes. I hope you enjoy this frothy bit of fun. I will also post on AO3.
Thanks to @wickedgoodbooks for being an excellent beta.
Chapter 1: From Airport to Aggravation
Bank holiday crowds, on the whole, are hell.
And this one is rapidly turning into an even deeper level of purgatory. The hottest May for years in Scotland and I’m stuck at Glasgow airport with a dozen women, collectively known as ‘Geillis’s Hen Party Posse’, each displaying varying degrees of inebriation, hangover or general sleep deprivation, and all aiming for the luggage carousel showing the flight from Barcelona. Which apparently is where several hundred other disembarked passengers are also heading.
Eventually, I manage to get a view of the bags and cases slowly making their way around the belt. They’re pretty picked over by this time, apart from the couple of boxes covered in gaffer tape that always seem to be first off a plane—any plane—and last to be collected. They’re always there, on every flight. Why is that?
I pause from my musings to wave frantically at Geillis, who now has a trolley and is clearing a path straight towards me.
“I got us a trolley.” she informs me, stating the obvious. “I thought it’d be easier. Have ye seen ours yet, Claire? I canna see the others. They must have already gone through.”
“No,” I answer, keeping my eyes firmly on the little hatch, willing our bags to appear. All I want is to go home, put my sleep mask on and try and get some sleep. Three days in Barcelona celebrating Geillis’s forthcoming nuptials have worn me out, and, I glance at my watch, I am due in theatre in approximately seventeen hours time.
"It's there, it's there," Geillis points excitedly at the neon pink and green leopard print bag making its way towards us.
She makes a grab for it as I continue to look for my bag. Predictably, it’s one of the last ones on the carousel. I recognise it immediately from the piece of red gift ribbon tied to the handle of the plain black Samsonite. I load it onto the trolley and Geillis and I head through customs to join the rest of the posse.
We say our goodbyes loudly, with much hugging and kisses. A stranger viewing this scene might imagine we won’t be seeing each other again for weeks or even months. In truth, I’ll be seeing most of them in the next week or so at the hospital as our schedules coincide.
“Shall we two get a taxi, then?” Geillis asks me.
I start to answer as my mobile pings — a text from Frank...very nice, very caring, very predictable.
Darling, it’s been a long three days without you. I am ready to collect you from the airport if you would like. If not, might I see you later this evening? xxx
And that is very clearly Frank. Correct grammar and punctuation, even on his texts. I shake my head as if to drive away my inner bitch and pretend I haven’t read it. I will respond, of course, just later when I’m back at home.
So, I smile at Geillis and agree. “Of course, we can go halves.”
***********
As I walk into my flat, the peace and quiet and sheer bloody calm wraps itself around me like a swaddling cloth. It’s blissfully cool too, with all the shutters closed.
It’s not that I didn’t have a good time in Barcelona. It was actually great. But being in the company of others twenty four hours a day is wearing, much as I love them. And we all had to do everything together. No sneaking off for a solitary walk, or escaping to bed for a little siesta.
I deposit my suitcase by the bedroom door, slip off my converse, pour myself a glass of orange juice, settle down on the sofa and figure out how best to tell Frank not tonight without offending him.
Frank, Sorry but tonight isn’t —
I delete and try again.
Thanks for the offer to pick me up. I was already in the taxi when I got it. Can we give tonight a miss? Theatre in the morning and I’m knackered totally exhausted. You know what Geillis is like. Speak tomorrow, I promise. C
Frank knows what Geillis is like. Frank thinks Geillis is a bad influence on me, with her larger than life personality and wild ideas. I think Frank doesn’t really know me at all if he believes I can be influenced like that. I hang out with Geillis and my friends because they’re fun and we laugh… a lot.
Without realising, I feel my shoulder muscles relax as soon as I’ve sent the message. These are not good signs for my relationship with Frank. He’s investing far more into ‘us’ than I am willing to do. But as long as I’m honest with him…
There are advantages to being with Frank, of course. He’s punctual, very organised and a proficient and considerate lover. He always makes sure I come, even if I sometimes...er… exaggerate my reactions to hurry things along. So much for honesty, then.
I finish my orange juice and plan my evening. Four things to do - unpack, grab some food, shower and sleep. Not even going to wash my hair. That would really be too much effort, struggling with my untameable mane, and it’s going to be stuck under a surgical cap for most of tomorrow anyway.
It takes a bit of effort to actually move from the sofa. I could quite happily fall asleep there. But then I’d wake up in the middle of the night—starving hungry and still smelling of sweaty airports. Reluctantly, I haul myself into a vertical position and head for my bedroom picking up my suitcase en route.
Opening the suitcase, I am not greeted with the expected haphazard mass of sun dresses, t shirts and shorts—all with the evocative aroma of Hawaiian Tropic—but a layer of white dress shirts, immaculately folded and the faint scent of a musky cologne.
Shit, shit, shit!! Some else has walked off with my black samsonite with the red ribbon on the handle. My evening plans are rapidly going awry. I delve into my handbag praying that I kept my boarding pass with the sticky bar code luggage receipt. The relief when I find it lurking in the bottom of my bag is immense. Quickly I google the airline lost baggage number and dial.
After a few bars of some god awful plinky plinky hold music, I hear a recorded message. “Your call is important to us, please hold. Your call is important to us, please hold.”
Good to know, then back to the plinky plinky before another message. “The office you are trying to reach is now closed. Please try again during office hours nine am to five thirty. Thank you.”
“If my call is so important to you, why is no one there at six o’clock?” I yell down the phone, but the plinky plinky ignores me and continues its irritating melody.
I sigh. I don’t want to have to wait until tomorrow morning to sort this out. Besides, by nine am tomorrow morning, I will be somewhat unavailable - reshaping the hip bone of a seven year old boy. So, I have no alternative. I will have to have a bit of a dig around this stranger’s suitcase, looking for any clue or contact details.
As I start to have a feel around, it occurs to me that some stranger might, at this very moment, be doing exactly the same thing — having a poke around my suitcase in the hope of finding my details. No doubt judging me based on my choice of holiday attire.  And, I suddenly realise, his judgement may well be coloured by the discovery of some items of a more adult nature.
I say ‘he’, based on the XL white shirts, the pair of battered jeans and faded Scotland rugby shirt, but I could be wrong. I don’t have to dig any further into the case as I spy, in a mesh pocket, a neat rectangle of card with a name — James Fraser — a mobile number and an email address.
Relief sweeps over me. Perhaps we can get this all sorted tonight. Unless this James Fraser lives miles away and was just passing through Glasgow on his way to, say, the Outer Hebrides. That could be a whole other level of problem.
I quickly reach for my phone. Another message from Frank awaits.
Are you sure, darling? I’m looking forward to seeing you. Would tomorrow evening work for you?
I ignore it for the moment. Let me sort my luggage issue out first.
I dial the number on the card and begin to pace around my bedroom as it rings and rings. I am just about to give up when, thankfully, it’s answered.
“Hello?” A female voice asks warily.
I clear my throat and put on my most pleasant phone voice. “Is there a James Fraser there please?”
“Ye’ve the wrong number.”
“Oh, sorry, I must have mis—“ I begin, but find myself apologising to dead air.
I try again, carefully comparing each digit to those written, very neatly, on the card.
“Hello?” The same female voice answers, more than a hint of annoyance in her voice.
“I’m sorry, but this is the number I have for James Fra—“
“And I already told ye, ye’ve the wrong number. Dinna bother again.”
In the days before mobiles, I’m sure this would have been accompanied by a deafening crash as the receiver hit the cradle. Pressing a soft key doesn’t have the same dramatic effect. But I get the message anyway.
So, new plan needed. All I can do is email this James Fraser and hope he actually has written down the correct email address. If not, I’ll have to sort it out with the airline tomorrow afternoon.
My stomach rumbles and I suddenly realise that I’ve not eaten since breakfast, unless you count the slices of fruit in my jug of sangria. I wander into the kitchen and peruse the contents of my cupboards and fridge. I’m not the most gifted cook, but I’m not too bad and can usually rustle up something edible and fairly tasty. The bread feels a bit on the dry side but will be fine toasted, and I know I have eggs.
I put a knob of butter in a pan and text Frank while I’m waiting for it to sizzle.
Think tomoz will be ok. Talk 2morrow. C
I don’t normally use text speak at all,  but something about Frank’s perfectly formed text messages always makes me want to rebel. I can imagine him wincing right now.  He’s a professor at the university and is forever complaining about the standard of literacy amongst his undergraduates. If he thinks he has problems, he should try dealing with junior doctors.
With my scrambled egg on toast all eaten, I focus my attention on the email to James Fraser. I write it quickly, brief and to the point: I have your suitcase and therefore presume you have mine, can we meet to swap them over and here’s my phone number.
The longing for a shower and then bed is now overwhelming. I strip off and bundle all my clothes into the laundry basket, tie my hair up with a scrunchie and step into my shower. This is undoubtedly one of my favourite places on earth and possibly the reason that I bought this flat. Large enough for two, I suppose. Although none have yet been invited to partake in this heavenly experience. Maybe I’m saving that for someone extra special. It has a huge overhead rainfall shower head and a handheld shower head too.
My indulgences are all in here — a selection of expensive shower gels, scrubs and lotions and an assortment of huge fluffy bath towels. I choose a lavender scented gel and scrub all traces of the day from my skin.
Wrapping myself  in one of my pristine white towels, I slather shea butter lotion on my slightly sun-burnt skin, noticing the uneven red patches where the sun cream hadn’t quite reached but at least it’s not sore.
A quick check of my emails shows there’s no word from James Fraser as yet, so I decide to just settle down to sleep and leave luggage worries until the morning. Fortunately, I had changed the sheets before my weekend away, so I simply unwrap my towel, leaving it in a heap on the floor and slide into bed. The feeling of the cool, crisp bedding against my skin is wonderful. I assume a sort of diagonal starfish position, not having to worry about any other occupants. It crosses my mind whether to reach for the tiny vibrator in my bedside drawer, but I’m too comfortable and drowsy for that, so instead I check my alarm and settle down for sleep.
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moonlit-imagines · 4 years ago
Text
Always Something
Cal Kestis x reader
warnings:
a/n: hello and thank you so much!! i just wanna say thank you so much for all your sweet comments and reblogs on my posts, it makes me so happy to know you enjoyed them!! much love!! 💖
prompt: @sweetjedi: “Hey there! I'm new to your blog and LOVING it. If you are still taking requests, may I ask for a Cal Kestis x Reader where the Reader was out on a supply run, maybe with Cal, but either way Reader takes a bit longer because Imperials were around and after running and making sure to get back - the Reader ended up stealing a TIE Fighter. Something fun. (I'm rewatching Rebels) If that's okay? If not, it's all good. I hope you're doing well.”
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Cal denies it time and time again, but the truth is that there’s always something that doesn’t go according to plan on your travels with the Mantis crew.
“Y/N, everything is going to be fine.” Cal assured you as you went through a list of every contingency you could think up, just trying to make sure that you made it out of this alive. “It’s just a supply run. Greez will drop us off, we’ll get what we need, then we’ll be safe and sound on right back where we started.”
“Come on, Cal. When has it ever gone like that?” You turned to him and waited for him to come up with a foolproof example, but he had nothing.
“It is true, Cal. There is always an unexpected problem.” Merrin chirped in to vouch for you, so you pointed over to her with a smile.
“See? I’m not crazy, she knows what I’m talking about.” You watched Cal roll his eyes at the fact that he had just been ganged up on by two crew members, who’s next? BD? Actually...yeah, probably.
“Okay, whatever you say. But what’s the worst that can happen. This planet hasn’t been touched by the Empire yet, there aren’t going to be any threats.” Cal told you in confidence, maybe he was right? I mean, it was a pretty straightforward mission. Worst case: not enough money for supplies. You could just cut down on what you didn’t absolutely need.
“I guess you’re right.” You agreed with a defeated shrug, you weren’t used to being wrong.
“Alright, guys! We’re coming up on the drop point. Get ready to get out and call us back when you’re done, got it?” Greez checked in while the pair of you and Cal stood in front of the door.
“Yeah, Greez, we got it!” Cal called back.
“Good! Because if you didn’t, I would have left you here.” Greez joked, earning a laugh from you the crew, and even a smirk from Merrin. “Good luck, kids, don’t do anything stupid!” You and Cal departed from the ship and watched as it flew away. “Comm check, can you hear me?”
“Loud and clear.” You answered as you headed towards the village. “I wish Greez would have gotten us a little closer.”
“Yeah, well, now we get some quality time together, right?” Cal tried to lighten your agitated mood, but the heat was already starting to get to you.
“I suppose.” You sighed. “Okay, so we need blue milk, fresh fruit for Merrin, a candle for the bathroom, that part for BD, possibly a plant for Greez, new strings for Cere’s hallikset.”
“A lot of these don’t sound like necessities.” Cal commented as you wament further on your trek.
“There’s some other stuff, too. Greez has a handful of groceries on the list, he wants to try a new recipe.” You shuddered, finally entering the village’s market. “Are you ready to explore?”
“Aren’t I always?” Cal shot back and took your arm in his to keep you close in this busy, busy place. It wasn’t a total drag, though, Cal always made sure of that.
“Stop goofing around with the merchandise!” You swatted the Jedi who was holding gear pieces over his eyes and making strange faces, you just couldn’t suppress your laughter.
“You know you love it.” He chuckled with you before you suddenly froze and ducked behind a tent, yanking Cal along with you. “Woah! What’s going on, y/n?” Ca asked, trying to spot what had you so on-edge. You pointed to a pair of soldiers in white armor walking through the crowd.
“Stormtroopers.” You whispered, holding his arm tighter. “Greez, we have a problem...Greez? You couldn’t get a response.
“They’re jamming our signals, y/n. Looks like we’re on our own.” He informed you, but you could’ve figured that one out. “Was this one on your list of contingencies?”
“Surprisingly, no. I have no idea how we’re going to get out of this one. I wonder if the Mantis has run into any trouble yet.” Your mind began to wander the possibilities, but more troopers seemed to appear within the market. These ones were in black armor, meaning that there was some heavy artillery on the ground. TIE fighters.
“We need to split up.” You told Cal, beginning to sneak off.
“What?! No!” Cal argued loud enough to attract the attention of Imperial troops.
“Hey, what are you doing back here?” One of the stormtroopers intruded, almost immediately recognizing you to be a fugitive of the Empire. “Wait—Hold it, right there!”
“Run!” You yelled as you booked it the opposite way of trouble, being followed by blaster fire and soldiers who’s primary mission was now to stop you at all costs. “We really did it this time!” You shouted through heavy breathing.
“I guess you were right about something always going wrong!” Cal said as he caught up to you. Right now, you were trying to figure out the best way off of this planet, and then it came to you.
“Do you trust me?” You’re question caught Cal off guard, that only meant one thing. You had a problematic plan. But it was the only one, so...
“Yeah, I trust you.” He answered and followed you as you turned back towards the conflict, taking out your blaster and firing at any hostile that tempted you. “Want to tell me how you plan on killing us today?”
“See that ship over there?” You pointed to the TIE fighter on the left. “Our ticket off this planet.”
“You’re kidding.” He replied as you veered that way. “We’ll, it was nice knowing you, y/n.”
“Shut up, Cal! We’ll make it out of here.” You didn’t know if that were true or not, but if the plan doesn’t work, at least there’ll be no more complaining. “Cover me while I get this thing open.” You heard Cal’s lightsaber ignite and deflect blaster bolts while you worked. It was a good thing you were an expert, so you popped the hatch open quick and pulled Cal inside. It took a moment to start the thing up, but you cheered once you succeeded.
“Don’t celebrate yet, y/n. We need to get out of here.” He stationed himself at the guns, knowing that there would soon be gunfire from other ships. You lifted off and headed up, up, and away. As soon as you exited the atmosphere, you could once again contact your crew.
“Almost there, Cal! Keep them at bay!” You finally entered space and jumped back on your comms. “Hey, Greez, how’s it going?”
“Y/N? You ready for us to come get you?” Greez answered you call.
“Actually, we’ll be coming to you, don’t worry.” You informed your captain.
“Don’t tell me you’re in that TIE...” He shook his head and muttered.
“Well, that won’t change the fact that we actually are in this TIE. Be there in a minute, we still have a few Imperials on our tail.” You logged off the comms and maneuvered the ship to dodge oncoming fire while Cal shot down the last of the hostile ships.
“This is going to be a great story.” Cal joked, sending you into a round of laughter that you desperately needed after that intense battle.
“You’ll tell it better than I will.”
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @lotsoffandomrecs // @captainshazamerica //
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wakaoujisenhime · 5 years ago
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hello again! I'm the same anon that requested the story with the reader giving herself up to save Eri. I really, REALLY like the way that you wrote it, and I'd certainly love to see a part 2! You have such a talent for writing angst! ❤
A/N: Hi there once more! I’m really happy to hear that you liked it, since I was a little unsure of how it turned out (had to edit it quite a few times, till I was happy with my insecure ass xDD)! So as for now I’ll be featuring Aizawa, Nighteye and Fatgum (since Kirishima and Tamaki wouldn’t make much sense due to them being unconscious during the time I decided to write this in). Additionally I tried a new approach on Nighteye’s story, so I hope you enjoy these ones as well and thank you once again for the encouraging words! ❤
Oh and before I forget: (H/N) is once again your hero name while (L/N) is your last name ^^
Tags: Aizawa x reader ✅  Nighteye x reader ✅  Fatgum x reader ✅  SFW ✅  a lot of angst (once again) ✅
Setting this time will be after Mirio was shot and when he took Eli with him to escape, but before the girls fell through the floor. Only during Fatgum’s scenario the setting will be different!
☞ 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙
━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆
Aizawa:
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“Damn it all!“
Right now you were running all the way to what seemed to be the center of the battlefield where your boyfriend Aizawa was supposed to be fighting against Overhaul, the leader of the crime organization ‘Shie Hassaikai’.
Or at least that is what a very injured Mirio had told you just a few minutes ago. Nighteye had apparently given him the task to protect Eri and try to escape with her. Hoping to be of some help you tried using your quirk on him and successfully managed to rewind and heal the stab wounds around his torso.
You had a similar quirk to Eri’s and that was the exact reason as to why the pro heroes were against you joining the mission, so why were you here anyway? Well the answer was quite easy...you snuck in and tried fighting as sneaky as possible alongside the other heroes.
The reason why you decided to be a rebel despite all of the warnings you got from people close to you, was because of something Aizawa had told you just before he left for today’s mission.
‘There are things in life that only we can do, no matter how dangerous or unreasonable they are.’
That were his last words before he kissed your forehead and left for duty.
You knew that his words were meant to calm you down, but they actually did the exact opposite.
After he had left you thought about what you could do with your similar quirk and all you came up with was to sneak in, pretend you were a part of the mission and sacrifice yourself.
It was the worst possible plan, it was stupid and you knew all that but you were desperate. Desperate to finally free Aizawa from all the stress he had to endure for this mission. Sleepless nights, nightmares or even days on which he didn’t return home. You witnessed it all and it pained you seeing him like that...so you decided to put an end to his own and his colleagues’ suffering, by doing the only think you could do.
Sacrifice yourself...
“(Y/N)?! What are you doing here...?”
Nighteye’s question brought you back to the present.
You had finally arrived at the battlefield and watched the horror that unfolded in front of your very own eyes.
Nighteye was hurt, bleeding and lying on the floor.
Midoriya’s whole body was bruised and scratched while he fought against Overhaul.
And there, close to Midoriya was Aizawa who had his quirk activated but luckily enough, he wasn’t hurt as badly as the others.  
Before you could call out to him, you saw someone slowly creep up behind your boyfriend, but luckily...you were quicker.
“Eraserhead, behind you!”
Chrono unfortunately beat both of you to it and managed to pin Aizawa down while pressing a knife to his neck.
“Don’t move or he’ll die.“
That warning was meant for you as well as for Midoriya, who had to fall back in order to ensure his teacher’s safety.
Meanwhile Overhaul just giggled darkly at your failed attempt to rescue the black haired man. With a small nod towards his underling, the villain began a monologue on how he’ll get Eri to come back to him and that was your call.
“Overhaul, wait!”
This was the first time Aizawa actually turned to you and one didn’t have to be an expert to notice how mad he was to see you here, but that was the last thing on your mind right now.
With confident steps you slowly made your way towards the masked villain who eyed you from head to toe.
“(H/N)! What do you think you’re doing?!”
Completely ignoring the blade which was slowly piercing his neck’s skin, Aizawa’s eyes were glued to you and no matter what kind of comment he threw at you, you kept on walking and pretending not to hear his pleas.
“Now now...you shouldn’t interrupt (L/N) here, can’t you see that we’re striking a deal right now?”
You weren’t surprised to hear your last name coming from the villain’s mouth. He as well had done his researches...considering your quirk how could he possibly not do them?
He had played with the thought of kidnapping you as well (just in case that Eri’s body would give out some day), but he would’ve never expected to hear that exact same thought coming from the person in question. There was only one problem. You actually demanded for your comrades’ safety and Eri’s freedom. It didn’t seem like that bad of a deal, since Eri was just a child which makes her less durable than a full grown adult like you, additionally her powers have yet to achieve their true potential while yours were basically your second nature.
Overhaul nodded after a short while, signalizing his agreement. Fighting over a small and mentally unstable child wasn’t worth the trouble nor the casualties, so he didn’t want to prolong this conversation any further. He also didn’t know when you might actually change your mind, so for him the clock was already ticking.
“Don’t leave me! P-Please (Y/N)...”
You were just one step away from sacrificing yourself, but Aizawa’s voice finally reached your ears and what he had just said broke your heart in thousand pieces.
What am I doing...?
Overhaul saw the determination you had a few seconds ago, vanish from your eyes so he immediately grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him, making it harder for you to escape his grasp.
Now matter how much you or your boyfriend struggled against your opponents neither you nor Aizawa could escape their grasp. Midoriya and Nighteye couldn’t intervene and risk both of your lives, so they had to stand by and watch helplessly as the both of you were being separated from one another.
The only thing the two of you were able to do was to extend your hands towards each other and call out the other’s name. Tears falling down your cheeks, your voices slowly losing their high volume and when you guys noticed that there was nothing else you could do to escape this situation you guys said your last words.
“I love you...”
“I’m sorry...”
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Nighteye:
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“Sasaki! Oh my god, are you alright?!”
Nighteye had just closed his eyes for what seemed to be a few seconds, but these seconds turned out to be several minutes during which Midoriya’s injuries had doubled, Aizawa as well as Eri who was alongside Mirio were gone and you had apparently arrived. He felt your arms wrapped around his sore body, but what he didn’t feel anymore was his injury...he figured that that was your doing so he looked up at you with a thankful and relieved expression.
“(Y/N)...y-you’re here”
Your boyfriend was happy to have you here next to him, but considering the situation you guys were in, it would’ve been better for you to completly stay out of this fight. So he sat up and held onto your hand, determined to get you out of here.
“(Y/N) you need to go and call for reinforcements. I’ll be helping Midoriya out while you-“
“No Sasaki. I may have healed your wound, but you still need to rest so stay and I’ll help Deku out...got that?“
Nighteye looked up at you and saw your eyes glistening with something else than determination, he trusted you but he had a feeling that you had an entirely different plan than the one you had just suggested.
You saw how hesitant your boyfriend was to answer and you felt like the more time he used to think about it, the quicker he might catch onto your plan and that mustn’t happen.
Sasaki was surprised to see you get on your knees in front of him and holding onto his hands,your actions began to scare him a little.
“Do you trust me?“
His eyes visibly widened after hearing your question, the fear he had earlier slowly began consuming him. Nighteye wanted to nod, but he feared what you might do next if he said ‘yes’. That’s when he came up with an idea.
What if I used my quirk on (Y/N)...?
Luckily you had never been against it before, so he wasn’t as afraid as he thought he’d be to read your future but desperate times call for desperate measures.
He began concentrating and calming down his nerves so that he could calmly look into your eyes and see what your plan looked like...but you were quicker.
You slowly raised your hand, softly moved his glasses away and covered his eyes causing him to flinch lightly.
“Please don’t...not yet. Just trust me Sasaki.”
Before he could answer you kissed his lips ever so gently and soon you felt him kissing you back. After a short while you got up slowly and smiled at your boyfriend as you turned your back to him and began walking towards Midoriya and Overhaul.
——
What did she just say...?
Sacrifice herself...for Eri’s sake....?
What do you think you’re doing?
Don’t leave me behind like this...you mustn’t..
No..don’t look at Midoriya like that...not with that smile of yours.
S-Stop don’t...don’t turn to me
Don’t give me that look...
Heh, you were always bad at hiding your true feelings.
If you feel bad then don’t leave.
Why did you even come up with such a dangerous plan anyway?
Do you have any idea what he’ll do to you?
Midoriya, let go of me! Don’t intervene!
I’m going to stop you or did you seriously think that I was going to let you off the hook, just like that...?
(Y/N) think this through, please! He’ll tire out your body on purpose and who knows whose life he might ruin next with the help of your quirk!
He might even decide to target me next..
D-Don’t cry, please...
I know you want to protect us, but your decision is way to hasty so-
Hey! Get your dirty hands off of her!
No..!
(Y/N)!!!
I woke up teary eyed and completely drenched in sweat.
That dream again...damn it.
How many times does this make already?
Since Overhaul took (Y/N) away from me there wasn’t even one night on which I haven’t dreamed about that one moment.
The mission was considered a success in the end, but not for me...
Since I had seen All Might’s Future back then, I was afraid to look into anyone else's....but now?
After I’ve lost my most precious person...this is something I am going to regret not doing for the rest of my life.
I mean...what else can I do?      
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Fatgum:
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Your fist collided with a villain’s cheek.
How many does that make now?
To put it frankly, you just don’t know anymore...
These past few minutes you were running around beating up villains left and right, thanks to the order you had received to support any hero you came across and help them save Eri.
You knew that the girl should be your top priority at the moment, but you couldn’t deny the fact that the worry for your boyfriend Taishiro (also known as Fatgum) was way bigger than that for the girl.
“(Y/N)? Is that you?!”
Your boyfriend’s voice suddenly called out to you from one of the rooms, startling and making you stop in your tracks.
“Taishiro!“
Seeing him in his skinny form was something you weren’t used to since it only occurred when he used up too much of his power.
You looked around in order to catch a glimpse of his momentary situation. Him and Red Riot were fighting against two peculiar looking man whose appearance was clearly different than that of the other evil guys, they looked....stronger.
“Listen, you need to go and help with the fight against Overhaul!”
At your boyfriend’s sudden order your eyes went wide.
“W-What? You can’t be serious...I can’t leave the two of you alone! Look at yourself...you and Kirishima are badly hurt, so-”
“(Y/N)! This is not the time for worry, we’re on a mission right now. Concentrate on the important things!”
It surprised you to hear him sound that cold and it hurt your feelings a little, but you decided to suck it up. You had to admit that you were quite the worrywart when it came to your boyfriend and that was sometimes inappropriate...like right now.
With a small but hesitant nod you exited the room and once again began running at full speed, but now you at least had a clear goal in mind.
——
“Don’t worry Kirishima. You did an amazing job and deserve some rest.“
After fighting two members of the Eight Bullets and winning against them, Fatgum needed to take a breather and think about what to do from now on. So alongside his enemies, he went to the aid room and began taking care of his disciple while his thoughts wandered back to you.
He wondered if the things he said were perhaps to harsh and thinking about the possibility of having hurt you with his words, only made his heart drop.
If there had been another hero by his side right now, he wouldn’t have hesitated to run and look for you, but right now all he could do was wait...
——
After what felt like hours reinforcements had finally arrived and happily delivered the message of the mission’s success. Everyone was in good spirits and felt relieved and now, all Taishiro wanted to do was wrap his arms around you and kiss you all over.
So when he saw Sir Nighteye, Aizawa and Midoriya standing together while talking to an injured Mirio he just knew that you had to be somewhere close to them as well...so he began jogging in their direction, completely ignoring the pain throughout his body.
But he soon noticed that something wasn’t right...
When the trio saw him approaching, their facial expressions suddenly changed. Now they looked somewhat sad.
“Hey you guys! Have you seen (Y/N)? As far as I remember she should’ve been with you.”
“Well yes...she was”
Nighteye was the first to speak up. He took a quick glance at his surroundings and took a deep breath.
“In order to protect us and Eri, (Y/N)....went with Overhaul.”
After processing what the man with the glasses had said, Taishiro felt like he had been run over by a giant truck.
W-What did he just say...?
“W-Wait...you mean to tell me that you guys just stood by and let her sacrifice herself just like that?“
It was Aizawa’s turn to talk now so he stepped forward.
“There wasn’t anything we could do, we tried to talk her out of it, but she kept on insisting.“
“I don’t care if (Y/N) did! The two of you are pro heroes damn it, you could’ve sto-, no...you should’ve stopped her even if she resisted!“
They continued arguing back and forth, getting more heated with each passing minute. Mirio and Midoriya didn’t know if they should or even could do anything to stop them at this point, so they remained silent.
Suddenly Fatgum felt a gentle tug on his shorts which caused him to pause his argument and look down.
He found himself looking into a pair of big red eyes which belonged to none other than Eri, who was holding out a small pendant to him.
“The nice Miss that saved me, told me to give this to a big, cuddly looking and yellow dressed man...I think she might’ve meant you.“
A little reluctant he took it from her small hands and looked at it. 
He gasped as he realized what kind of pendant that was. 
“(Y/N)...“
Seeing the muscular man fall to his knees and gently caress the small object in his big hand was surprising and heartbreaking at the same time.
Between his silent sobs, he softly pet Eri’s head and thanked her several times.
The pendant he now held close to his heart was the first present he had given you. It had your and his name engraved on the outside and on the inside there was a small photo of the two of you cuddling.
When you received it, he made you promise him to always carry it with you...until the end of your days.
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Chloe Couffaine AU ideas
Ok so after seeing the ask about a Chloe Couffaine AU, I am now overthinking yet another AU and these are the results.
The AU begins with baby Chloe being discreetly dropped off in an orphanage by Audrey. Even in canon she struck me as someone that never planned to have kids in her life. Combine this with such a career focused character like Andre and neither of these people are prepared to be parents. They keep the pregnancy a secret in the public eye and then just give her away.
Fast forward a few years and we have a young child Chloe who has lived her whole life at the orphanage. She’s developed a reputation as a problem child, not because she’s a bully, (in fact a lot of the kids see her as their older sibling) but because she has such a protective streak that she actively gets into fist fights with all the actual bullies. This has made it rather hard for her to get adopted but she sees it as worthwhile as long as she can protect all her “little siblings.” Even if it stings a bit to see them all go on to have loving families as she gets left behind year after year.
This streak continues until at around ten years old she’s solidified into a pure punk rebel and actively sneaking out all the time to participate in various protests around the city, often for causes such as LGBTQ rights and gender equality, often times ironically enough those protests are often against the conservative actions of the father she never knew.
Its at one of these protests that Anakra makes an appearance. There’s a particularly nasty fight between  Roger and Anakra and just when it looks like this may be the time Anakra really gets locked away, in comes Chloe, pelting with Roger with balloons filled with paint. With a shout of “Book it, Pirate Queen!” Anakra makes her escape. The pattern continues more or less the same with each rally the two helping each other both in the protests and the eventual escapes. When they’re more comfortable with each other Chloe explains that she’s an Orphan and Anakra practically adopts her on the spot. The houseboat gets a little more crowded but the Couffaine siblings are more than happy to welcome in the girl who keeps making sure their mom comes home.
Now for the extra details:
Chloe’s look is entirely punk compared to the goth the rest of the family leans toward. I’m talking black leather jacket, black jeans, Yellow Yang T-shirt (because weeb Chloe should be part of every AU), she has an undercut and a deep forest green highlight strip in her hair to match the blue and purple of her siblings.
As much as I love the idea of Chloix, in this Au I think it would be amazing as Chlobrina, without the whole servant dynamic of canon they can just go straight to the crush phase. Kind of like a forbidden romance, the daughter of the chief of police and the adopted daughter of the biggest rebel in the city. Roger can’t stand the idea of her daughter dating such punk, especially anyone connected to Anakra, meanwhile Anakra just thinks the whole thing is hilarious. As for how the two interact, its mostly Chloe being a relentless flirt and Sabrina being the shy one that has trouble admitting how much she actually likes it.
I’m having trouble deciding what instrument or position shed have in the band because no way is she escaping music in that family. The only problem being that shed mostly replace someone no matter what she uses. I was thinking drums would fit but I would hate to remove Ivan from that. Maybe as a singer alongside Rose?
Chloe is still a bit of a bitch but is mostly a righteous one if that makes sense. Like to make it a funny twist, that whole seat situation from the first day of school was actually Chloe getting mad at new kid Adrien for taking Marinette’s usual seat when she knows Marinette prefers the window seat for the added lighting when doing her fashion sketches. She sees it as her job to be the assertive one since both her siblings and her friends are “unnaturally nice” in her opinion and like hell is she going to let anyone abuse their kindness.
Chloe actually gets Nora’s respect right away due to a viral video where she tackled some bully right into the river for harassing her friends.
That’s all I have for now although I might come up with more later.
——
WELP TIME TO MAKE A FUCKING TAG-
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tumbleweed-palmer · 3 years ago
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Unexpected: Jimmy Palmer x Original Character Chapter Two
Tony regretted the words the moment they left his lips. He had taken it way too far and he’d done the worst possible thing he could ever do in his eyes. He’d made his baby sister cry. He could see the tears pooling in her eyes as she’d screamed at him to leave her apartment.
He’d hurt her. That was the worst sin he could ever possibly commit. He’d always had that classic big brother attitude of “If you make my baby sister cry, I’ll break your legs.” He had always been the one who protected her and made sure she didn’t get hurt. He’d never considered he’d be the one who hurt her.
He felt like garbage at the moment. He felt lower than garbage. He was pretty sure he was akin to that gross layer of slime and bacteria filled liquid that developed at the bottom of a dumpster on a particularly hot day.
As Tony paced his apartment he found himself agonizing over this entire mess. This was so unexpected. He’d never imagined this would be a possibility.
He was just so angry to see Jimmy Palmer in Olivia’s apartment and to realize just what they’d been doing all this time. Tony felt betrayed even more so as they’d explained exactly what was going on. This had been going on a full year. It had been an entire year of both Olivia and Jimmy lying straight to his face.
He’d worked closer than usual with Jimmy this past year especially during that period of time when Gibbs had taken a short retirement. Tony had stepped up then leading the unit for months and he’d learned to turn to Jimmy for advice on cases more than once. Jimmy was a great confidant and Tony knew he could go to him trusting that the words they exchanged would stay between them. Jimmy had spent all that time working by Tony’s side and letting Tony confide in him, all while Jimmy was betraying him and carrying on with Tony’s little sister. Jimmy had been working with Tony during the day and going straight to Olivia every night.
He had known Jimmy for years now and Jimmy was the last person Tony would ever dream would mislead him. Sure, Jimmy had lied to everyone during his fling with Michelle Lee, but it had been so obvious what was going on to anyone with two working eyes. Jimmy was a terrible liar. He had a guilty conscience and never could keep up a lie. Clearly though Jimmy was a far more proficient liar than Tony had ever given him credit for. He’d kept such a massive secret from Tony. It was such an act of deception. Tony had even asked Jimmy point blank what was going on with Olivia and he. Jimmy had told Tony that there was nothing going on, just a friendship. Tony had thought he’d made it perfectly clear that his baby sister was untouchable.
It was supposed to be part of the bro-code wasn’t it? You didn’t hook up with your friend’s little sister. That was an unspoken rule. Oh, crap, was this how Probie felt when Tony flirted with his little sister? This was so much worse than just a little harmless flirting though.
Jimmy and Olivia had been sneaking around behind Tony’s back all this time. Olivia had left evidence of it along Jimmy’s neck for months now. The thought of his little sister doing that to Jimmy made Tony feel sick to his stomach. He’d spent all that time teasing Jimmy over the hickies unaware that Olivia was the culprit behind all those lovebites. The fact that Tony had made jokes about “lady gremlin being frisky” had made him feel sick. Not to mention Tony had made plenty of jokes about the suggested hotness of Jimmy’s little lady friend and all the experience she must have. The fact that Olivia was the Lady Gremlin made Tony’s skin crawl.
Olivia had lied to Tony’s face more than once over this past year. The fact that his sister who he loved more than anyone on the planet had lied to his face hurt the most.
Tony had definitely noticed that his little sister and the Autopsy Gremlin were occasionally spending time together. He’d not been shy about interrogating Olivia over her new friendship with Jimmy. She’d always insisted that Jimmy was just a friend and that they only spent time together when Olivia needed a second opinion on whatever art piece she was working on at the time. She’d seemed so sincere about it all as she’d spoken to Tony. “Trust me, Jimmy is just helping me out and giving me some feedback on how the anatomy is looking on a few of my paintings. I’m really wanting to turn more of my focus towards painting, but I’m insecure about it. Photography was always my bigger focus back in school. You know getting the anatomy down has always been a weak point for me when it comes to painting. I want to make sure everything looks reasonable and realistic. Jimmy is a really excellent resource to have. He has such a deep understanding of the structure of a human body and he’s actually pretty artistically gifted as well. He’s shown me some of the sketches he’s done. He drew up this amazing sketch of a human heart. It looks so realistic and he really nailed all the fine details. So, he’s the perfect person for me to ask for some guidance. We just meet up for coffee occasionally and he helps me out in exchange for me buying him a pastry and giving him feedback on his own sketches. He’s self taught for the most part, so he really appreciates having the feedback from someone who went to school for art. It’s no big deal. He’s a nice guy, a little awkward, but still good enough company. We don’t even discuss anything but art.”
Tony of course hadn’t liked the idea of Olivia spending time with Jimmy even with her insistence that it was all perfectly innocent. She’d always been so insistent that it was just a friendship and nothing more.
To find out that she’d lied about everything between Jimmy and she was such a betrayal. She’d had so many opportunities to come clean about it all, and she’d taken not one of them.
Tony had been so upset and he’d wanted Olivia to hurt just as badly as she’d hurt him. Tony had always been gifted when it came to really going for the jugular during fights. He could find a weak spot in whoever he was fighting with and destroy them emotionally. He could find your biggest insecurity and use it to break you. Tony guessed he’d learned it from his father. Dinozzo Senior had always had a way of using people’s insecurities to drag them down and Tony guessed that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
The realization that he’d been no better than his father made Tony feel sick. He’d always sworn he’d be nothing like Dinozzo Senior.
Maybe this anger had been building for a while. Tony would be lying if he tried to say that he didn’t feel some resentment for his sister deep down inside.
After all it seemed as though Olivia Sofia Dinozzo could do no wrong in Dinozzo Senior’s eyes. No matter how much she fucked up Dinozzo Senior kept feeding her trust fund and cleaning up her messes at least when it came to situations where he thought the answer was “throw money at it”.
No, Dinozzo Senior hadn’t exactly given Olivia the affection and adoration that most father’s gave their daughters, but he still had never cut her off.
Tony had been cut off from the family fortune for the simple sin of wanting to go his own way. He hadn’t wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and join the family business. Tony had wanted to go into law enforcement in some capacity and forge his own path. This choice had been unacceptable to Dinozzo Sr. After all Tony was his only son, his namesake. Tony rejecting the expected path of following in his father’s footsteps had been enough of an unforgivable sin to be cut off financially and tossed out into the world to fend for himself.
Olivia had never been given that treatment. Even when she’d decided to pursue art Dinozzo Sr. hadn’t cut her off.
Of course, Tony knew that there were different expectations for him and his sister. Dinozzo Sr. had made that obvious.
Tony was expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and maintain the family name. Olivia was expected to be quiet, look pretty, and eventually marry someone of equal social status.
Dinozzo Senior had seen her artistic endeavors as something to placate her and keep her busy until she found a well-to-do man to marry. He’d seen it as a passing fancy and not a serious way for her to make a career.
She was expected to marry one of her father’s friend’s sons and be a some entitled rich kid's wife. She was expected to keep up the Dinozzo family tradition of keeping up one's social status. She was expected to be the pretty socialite who went to charity functions and kept her mouth shut.
Olivia had rebelled against this of course, but her resistance to playing happy socialite hadn’t been met with the same harshness Tony’s choice to go his own way had been met with.
Deep down Tony knew that Olivia had been failed by their father just as much as he had. She may have had the advantage of not being cut off but she hadn’t had the freedom. Tony had been given the freedom but not the security of the family fortune.
Dinozzo Sr. had turned a blind eye to his daughter’s indiscretions and multitude of fuck ups. He’d ignored her cries for help and taken the path of just giving her more money instead of actually addressing the problem.
Tony was always the one who looked out for her. After all, he adored his sister.
He could remember that when she was born he’d been allowed to come home from boarding school for a week, most likely Olivia’s mother’s attempts to merge the family before she’d realized that Dinozzo Sr. wasn’t a family man. Still though Tony had adored Olivia from the moment he saw her for the first time. He’d been almost a decade older than her, but he’d still adored her so dearly. He’d been so delighted to have a baby sister.
He hadn’t acted the way most older brothers had. He may have pestered her but he never treated her like she was a pain or a burden. If anything he’d always treated her like a little princess, always doting on her and giving into her wants
When their father and her mother had divorced Tony had been despondent fearing he’d never see his sister again. After all, Dinozzo Sr. most likely wasn’t the type to seek out visitation.
When Olivia’s mother had died so suddenly and she’d been sent back to Dinozzo Sr., Tony had been left with a feeling of guilt convinced his heartache over the possibility of never seeing Olivia again had resulted in fate deciding to force her back into his life. Perhaps he’d been so desperate to have his sister back in the family home that fate had heard him and decided to “help” him out.
He knew it was irrational to think that Olivia’s mother’s death had been fate tipping in his favor instead of a terrible accident. Tony had been a teenager when it had happened, but he’d still been young enough to fear that perhaps this had somehow been all his fault.
He guessed that perhaps that sense of guilt had made him overcompensate when it came to his relationship with Olivia.
He made sure to include her in his interests, sharing his favorite movies with her and covering for her when she’d gotten herself into trouble.
He’d set a precedent of always emotionally supporting her and looking out for her, almost as though he was her father instead of her brother.
There had been several times over the years where Tony had seriously feared for her safety. He’d dreaded late night phone calls unsure if it would be his scared sister calling for his help or someone calling to tell him she was hurt or worse dead.
Olivia had made impulsive stupid choices and surrounded herself with people who were making far worse choices.
Olivia may have had the security of the family fortune but she’d never really felt secure. She’d never felt peace with herself. She’d always been troubled. Even when she was a child, she’d been so starved for love. She’d always searched for affection and security from other sources realizing she wasn’t getting it from her father.
She found herself clinging to men who didn’t even care about her. They were more interested in getting in her pants than actually loving her. She found herself attaching herself to anyone who gave her even the smallest bit of attention and praise. She didn’t care if the affection only lasted one night. She just seemed so starved for acceptance.
She remained in toxic friendships with people who didn’t actually care about her. She’d figured any company was better than being left alone with her thoughts. She convinced herself that they understood her because they’d come from the same social circles and had the same familial issues. She’d ignored red flags telling herself that it was nothing to worry about.
Tony had been relieved that she’d at least stayed away from anything harder than alcohol and pot. She hadn’t stayed away from her friends though and her friends hadn’t stayed away from much harder substances.
Tony lost count of the nights where he’d gone out searching for her through nightclubs and penthouse parties. He’d lost count of the times he’d dragged her from some house party pretending that he didn’t notice the lines of cocaine her friends were indulging in. He’d pretended that getting phone calls from her where she was drunk and needed him to come get her was just a normal part of his Friday night.
Anytime he’d pressed the issue and confronted her about her friend’s behavior or her reckless choices she’d brushed off his concerns.
The conversation always went the same. She always had the same responses. She’d always been so fast to insist. “I’m a big girl Tony. I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. I’m not an idiot. I don’t touch the hard stuff. My friends have offered but I have no interest in it. I know that stuff ruins you. I only smoke the occasional joint and I drink, but nothing more. Trust me, I’m fine. I know you do it because you love me but trust me you don’t have to worry so much about me. I’m okay. Please, don’t freak out on me and act like I’m some kind of junkie. I’m fine, It’s not a big deal. I’m still young, I’m supposed to be out having a good time. I’m maintaining my coursework and managing my life fine.”
She’d always paused before speaking again pointing out the obvious. “Besides you don’t have much room to lecture me about the company I keep or my indiscretions, especially when we both know you have a revolving door of women in your life and you so aren’t the poster boy for clean living. It’s hypocritical to lecture me about my bad choices.”
There was only so much Tony could do. After all she was a grown woman. Even when she was still a teenager making the same choices his hands had been tied. Dinozzo Sr. had been her guardian and he wasn’t going to do a thing about it. So Tony had been left doing what he could do for her as she’d entered her early twenties and continued to make the same bad choices.
There was only so much you could do for someone who clearly was not interested in changing.
He hadn’t seen it as enabling her. He’d seen it as giving her a lifeline.
He’d made sure she had his phone number programmed into her cell phone and had made sure she knew she could call him anytime no matter how late it was and no matter what situation she was in.
She’d always called him when it became too much and Tony had counted it as a small victory. At least she called him to come get her instead of sticking out bad situations. He was was able to collect her from danger and he knew she was safe.
When she’d finally hit rock bottom it had been a relief.
A friend’s drug overdose had been enough to scare her into admitting she needed to change. She’d admitted that she was scared and in over her head and she needed help.
It had been painful but for the first time Tony felt like he could breathe. She was safe and she was going to be okay.
He’d helped her straighten her life out. She’d started therapy and had kicked the party lifestyle. She’d dropped her toxic friends and awful boyfriends and had gotten her head on straight. She’d thrown herself into her art and had managed to find some freelance work that had allowed her to travel.
Sure, Tony had worried about her traveling but she’d kept in contact with him calling him at least once a week. She’d seemed so much lighter and so much happier. She’d actually been at peace with being on her own. It seemed as though she’d finally dropped her unhealthy coping mechanisms. She’d seemed to be at peace with herself.
When Olivia had announced to Tony that she’d found a local job and would be moving to the Virginia DC area it had been a relief. He’d have her close by where he could keep a closer eye on her.
He had thought having her so close by so near his support would be good for her.
He’d never imagined that having her in the same city would mean having her hook up with one of his coworkers.
What could she even possibly see in Jimmy? Of all the guys she could have gone for she went for the Autopsy Gremlin?
What about him was even slightly appealing to her? When Tony thought of Jimmy he saw an awkward mess of a human being. Jimmy with his tendency to slouch, and his all too large ears and thin lips. Jimmy with the same out of style glasses he’d been wearing since college. Jimmy who had the ghoulish career path and the less than appropriate sense of humor. Jimmy who honestly seemed like a total nerd. Jimmy so didn’t seem like the type of guy Olivia usually went for.
What did they even have in common?
Was this just the old Olivia making a reappearance, going for anyone who showed her affection? This did seem to follow her M.O.
Tony didn’t think anyone could blame him for assuming the worst given what he knew about his sister’s past approach to romance.
Then again Olivia and Jimmy had both seemed so sincere. Jimmy definitely didn’t seem to be the kind of guy to use a girl for a good time. Jimmy seemed to be more the type to be grateful for any kind of female attention. Tony didn’t think this was just a case of Olivia using Jimmy; attaching herself to him because she knew he’d give her all the affection and loyalty on the planet.
If anything, it all seemed to be the real deal. Jimmy did seem sincere in his declarations of love for Olivia. Maybe that meant Olivia was just as sincere?
Maybe Tony had been wrong?
Still though that didn’t excuse the lies. Still though, the lies didn’t excuse his reaction.
A little voice in the back of Tony’s brain told him that if he loved Olivia half as much as he claimed to, didn’t he owe it to her to at least hear her out? Didn’t she deserve a little trust?
Would she even want to speak to him now though? Now that he’d upset her, chances are she wouldn’t want to hear from him anytime soon.
Tony groaned at the thought. He’d really screwed up and he wasn’t sure if there was a way of fixing it.
He made a last ditch effort reaching for his cell, typing up the text message knowing it was better than nothing.
“We need to talk.”
He tossed his cell down on his sofa knowing he had a snowball’s chance in hell of actually hearing anything back, but he didn’t know what to do.
He’d made his bed and now he had to lie in it.
……………………………………………………………………………………
Jimmy could admit he felt so lost. He’d been putting on a brave face for Olivia’s sake. He’d thrown himself face first into soothing her and doting on her, trying his best to make her feel loved and reassured.
He felt so lost though. He didn’t know how to fix any of this. Wasn’t he partially to blame for this entire mess?
He should have manned up a long time ago. He should have reassured Olivia that it was okay to tell Tony about them. He should have put his foot down and insisted that they tell Tony about their relationship a long time ago.
He’d been so resistant to do so though. He’d told himself that he needed to follow Olivia’s lead on this.
Now he had to watch Olivia cry over their failures.
He could have saved her so much heartache had he just insisted that they step up and tell Tony everything consequences be damned. Sure Tony might have freaked out, he may have even punched Jimmy, but at least the truth would have been revealed on their own terms.
Jimmy knew that he should have cast aside his doubts and fears and just told Tony everything. He could have convinced Olivia to come clean and they could have been saved from this heartache.
Jimmy knew it was too little too late though. They had made their bed and now they were lying in it.
That didn’t erase the guilt he felt over this entire situation though.
His head felt like a mess as he laid in her bed Olivia’s sleeping form in his arms. At least he’d gotten her to fall asleep but there had still been plenty of tears from Olivia all day. When he’d thought she might have run out of tears she somehow found more.
He knew her heart was so broken.
Tony Dinozzo had always been Olivia’s hero. She’d admitted that much to Jimmy. Jimmy had always appreciated being able to see Tony through Olivia’s eyes. She’d described a big brother who would give her the world if she asked for it. She’d described a man who fretted over her and taught her to throw her first punch. She’d described a man who had taught her to drive and had snuck her into her first R rated movie. She’d talked about how heartbroken she’d been when their father had disowned Tony. She’d talked about how Tony had still made an effort to keep in contact with her even if he was out of contact with Dinozzo Sr. Tony had never forgotten her even after he’d been cast out into the world by their father with out a safety net.
She talked about Tony with such reverence. She’d described a man who doted on her and shared such a tight bond with her. It had always been Tony and her against the world, or at least Tony and her against Dinozzo Sr.
Tony was the one who had always shown her unconditional love. She’d never been able to expect unconditional love from Dinozzo Sr. Her father was more the type to remind his children that his love had terms and conditions. Tony had never made her feel as though his love for her had any sort of conditions though. The fact that her brother loved her had always been an absolute understanding. No matter what she did, Olivia knew that her brother would always love her.
The words he’d said to her tonight though, had shown her that the love Tony felt wasn’t as unconditional as she’d believed.
He had let out so much resentment for her, so much bitterness for all the times he’d had to rescue her from herself. He had thrown her past right in her face and insinuated that she was just picking back up all her old habits. He’d insinuated that what she had with Jimmy was nothing more than her falling into bed with Jimmy because he gave her some sense of approval. Tony had ignored her insistence that she had changed for the better.
Tony told her she was too much to put up with and too hard to love. He could have shot her and it would have been less painful than hearing those words.
Jimmy was left feeling trapped between rage towards Tony and heartbreak for Olivia.
Jimmy had done the only thing he could think to do for her. He’d taken a good long bath with her knowing that baths were always a place of comfort for Olivia. She’d even confessed to him that the main reason she’d signed a lease on this apartment in particular was the massive soaking tub that had been recently installed into the bathroom.
She’d always loved baths and she’d taught Jimmy to enjoy them as well. She’d had to do very little coaxing to talk him into joining her in a bath the first time. He’d had to admit it was pretty nice. He was pretty sure if anyone ever accused him of being less than masculine for taking a bubble bath then he could very easily point out that he got to be in a warm bath with a beautiful nude woman pressed against him.
He’d adored taking baths with her enough that he’d even requested doing so on his birthday months ago. She’d definitely indulged him; sitting on the edge of the tub and washing his hair before joining him in the tub where she continued to pamper him. It had been the best birthday he’d ever had by far.
Today’s bath had been less of a joyous occasion though. She’d been quiet for the longest time Jimmy holding her against him running his hands along her body attempting to soothe her.
He’d done his best to keep her distracted, his voice soft and gentle. “Did I ever tell you the moment I realized I was in love with you?”
He’d spoken again as she shook her head, her voice soft “No.”
He’d continued to caress her skin, the memory still so fresh. “It was when we went to Virginia Beach. It was so hot, just ridiculously so. I didn’t have the heart to tell you I’m not too fond of the beach and that sand makes me all itchy. You seemed so excited about the beach and I decided I’d suffer through the beach if it made you happy. It was hard to be too annoyed when you looked so perfect. You wore that green bikini and those big sunglasses and that blue sundress. You looked so amazing and I felt like I didn’t look like I belonged by your side at all. I actually had a good time, even though we got way too overheated. We got cherry snow cones and sat under a beach umbrella to avoid the heat. I ate mine way too fast. It gave me an awful brain freeze and I’ll never forget what you did. You leaned up and pressed a kiss to my forehead. It was such a silly little action but it was the sweetest thing. I remember thinking I adored you at that moment. How could I not adore a girl whose first thought was to kiss my forehead because I had brain freeze. It hit me that I more than adored you, I loved you so much it almost took my breath away.”
“We hadn’t been dating for that long then. That was only our second official date after we’d confessed that we were into each other.” She spoke her voice soft. He nodded his head, his lips pressing to her neck as he responded.
“True, I was pretty enamored with you long before that though. I’m pretty sure some deep part of me knew that I loved you from the moment you stepped on the elevator that first day we met at NCIS. I don’t know if it was love at first sight, but I think it was a sense of belonging…like my heart knew it belonged with yours as stupid as that sounds. You met my eyes that day in the elevator and it’s like my heart knew that it was going to be you. I thought I was dumb for being so upset at the thought of never seeing you again…I mean we barely spoke that day. I thought maybe I was just lonely and you were so kind to me despite my awkwardness. So, maybe I just felt drawn to you out of loneliness and I’d forget about you before I even knew it….but then we met again at the park two weeks later and it just made me believe that my heart knew it was yours all the more. It was like it was fate pushing us towards each other. I don’t know if I fully believe in soulmates or what have you, but I think that maybe sometime way back before the universe was formed that maybe we were part of the same star or atom or whatever we were before we were us. How else can I explain how my heart knew it belonged to you?”
Olivia felt her eyes water this time for a completely different reason than the sorrow that had washed over her all day long.
She felt even more come as Jimmy spoke, needing to say the words. “No matter what happens with Tony, the fact that my heart belongs to yours is never going to change. I love you Oli, I don’t care what anyone has to say about it. I promise you the fact that I love you will never change.”
“I love you too.” She managed to work out, turning to snuggle a little closer to him despite the awkward angle she had to turn her body in the bath to make this happen.
Jimmy managed to wipe her tears relieved that the bubbles in the bath had disappeared enough to not leave soap behind on his hands.
He managed to speak knowing it wasn’t the first time he’d said the words today but he knew she needed to keep hearing them. “Tony is wrong. You aren’t hard to love. You’ve never been too much for me. I cannot begin to express just how wrong Tony was about everything he had to say.”
She managed to speak her voice so weak. “He resents me. I put him through hell for years. I was a mess and he had to clean up after me. We’ve never really talked about it…I put him through hell and scared him. I never made my amends with him for any of it. I know he already resented me because our dad never cut me off. Senior let me get away with a lot. I don’t know if Senior didn’t cut me off out of some weird form of paternal love or maybe just to keep face with his friends and avoid the shame of having two disowned kids. Either way I know Tony resents me for it. Tony got cut off for way less than I ever pulled. Tony still cleaned up my messes and supported me though. I know he was so scared for me for so long.”
“That doesn’t mean he has the right to throw it in your face as some attempt to hurt you because he’s pissed off. You made mistakes but you’ve changed. I don’t see a trace of the girl he described. Frankly I don’t care that you were that girl. I know who you are now. I understand why you were that girl Oli. I mean, you know we’ve talked about my issues with my own dad…I understand why you did what you did…Hurt people hurt themselves. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’ve been honest with me about that part of your life. Knowing about your past choices has never given me any hesitation when it comes to being with you. You may have given Tony hell but he doesn’t have the right to make you feel awful for it when you’ve worked so hard to do better.” Jimmy insisted trying his best to make her understand.
Why’d she make excuses for Tony? Surely she didn’t think she’d deserved any harshness from him?
He let out a shaky breath unable to stop himself from saying it. “If Tony was here right now I’d tell him exactly what I think about what he had to say to you. It was wrong and he was out of line. I don’t care how upset he was. You didn’t deserve that.”
Olivia spoke knowing she sounded so desperate pleading with him. “Don’t confront him Jimmy. Please, just leave it. I just, it won’t do any good to confront him about any of this. Please, just leave it…for me.”
Jimmy sighed knowing he had no choice. He’d do anything for her. It was his greatest downfall. “Okay, I promise. I’ll leave it.”
Jimmy did intend on leaving it. He knew that he couldn’t betray her request to just leave it be.
He loved her far too much to go against her requests.
It was because he loved her that seeing her so heartbroken hurt him so much.
He thought about calling his mother for some advice, but his mother wasn’t exactly aware of the secrecy surrounding Olivia’s and his relationship. The last thing he wanted to do was explain the situation to his mom.
So, Jimmy did the only thing he could think to do. He left her sleeping form and picked up his cell phone deciding to call the closest thing to a father he had.
He cringed realizing how late it was judging by the sleepy tone to Dr. Mallard’s voice. “Mr. Palmer? Is something wrong?”
Jimmy let out a sigh as he took a seat on the arm of a sofa in Olivia’s living room. He felt the words leave him knowing that there was no point in beating around the bush. “Tony found out about Olivia and me.”
“And I’m guessing by the tone of your voice that Agent Dinozzo didn’t find out on your terms?” Dr. Mallard replied, easily catching on.
Jimmy rubbed his eyes the stress of the day making his head ache. “He showed up to her apartment unannounced and I walked into the room…it was clear by our appearance that we couldn’t just explain away what I was doing there.”
He paused his cheeks flushing, relieved that he had found a way to explain the scene without having to go too in depth. He was sure that mentioning anything surrounding his sex life to his mentor was something he could live without.
He spoke again, another sigh leaving him. “Tony was…angry. I can take him being upset with me…I’d rather he just have hit me…the way he spoke to Olivia. He threw a few things from her past in her face…things she’s ashamed of. She’s so hurt. I just feel so guilty. I should have insisted we come clean to Tony a long time ago. I could have saved her so much pain had I convinced her to let us tell Tony the truth a long time ago.”
“You were doing what you felt was right Mr. Palmer. The woman you love asked you to keep a secret and you couldn’t deny her request. Men in love have done far more foolish things throughout history.” Dr. Mallard insisted.
He spoke again before Jimmy had a chance to respond. “As far as Tony goes, he will have to live with the consequences of lashing out at Olivia.”
Jimmy let out another sigh nodding his head his voice tight. “Olivia doesn’t want me to confront him about it. I feel like an awful boyfriend letting him speak to her like that without confronting him about it. I don’t care what he does to me, I just want him to know that he doesn’t have the right to talk to her that way. I don’t care if he’s her brother, he has no right making her cry.”
“If Olivia has asked you to stand by, you’d be wise to listen to her. Trust me, Mr. Palmer, upsetting the woman who knows where you sleep at night isn’t advisable. Just ask Agent Gibbs or one of his ex wives.” Dr. Mallard pointed out causing a small smile to at least cross Jimmy’s lips.
He nodded his head, a sense of relief washing over him as Dr. Mallard spoke again. “The only thing you can do in the meantime is offer reassurance to Olivia. From the sparse time I have been able to spend with Miss. Dinozzo and you together, I do think it’s very apparent she does love you deeply. She just needs to be reminded that you feel the same for her.”
“I do, I love her so much.” Jimmy admitted not hesitating to say it more sure of the words each time he said them.
“Then keep loving her. Let Tony sort through his emotions. His actions are not your responsibility.” Dr. Mallard pointed out Jimmy nodding his head in agreement.
Ducky was right, Jimmy knew it.
He couldn’t force Tony to make amends with Olivia. The only thing he could do was provide Olivia with the reassurance she needed.
He just hoped and prayed that he could give her enough to soothe her heartache.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Olivia had thought that after a few days she’d start feeling more like herself, but she actually felt miserable.
It had to be stress. She was so distressed that she was making herself sick. It had to be the stress.
The stress was becoming overwhelming enough that she’d been getting sick to her stomach though. This was new. She’d never had stress give her this reaction. Then again, she’d never had a huge argument with her brother either.
Sure, there had been times where Tony had irritated the ever loving crap out of her, but they’d never had a falling out like this.
Tony had texted her once since the weekend, but only once and she had no idea how to interpret his text “We need to talk.”
Hadn’t he done enough talking for them both?
She knew it might be petty, but she’d refused to acknowledge the text message.
She couldn’t force herself to acknowledge it. Responding to it would just lead to more heartbreak.
She’d never dreamed Tony could hurt her. He was the last person she ever believed could hurt her.
He had though. He’d been so cruel. He wouldn’t even shut up for one second and hear Jimmy and her out. Sure, they had fucked up keeping their relationship from him, but that didn’t give him the right to throw every mistake she’d ever made right back in her face.
What had hurt her the most was the implication that this entire thing had just been sex with Jimmy. Yes, Olivia knew she hadn’t exactly always slept with men in the confines of it being within a relationship. She wasn’t ashamed of it.
Tony was completely hypocritical to bring it up though. He wasn’t the poster boy for commitment. He was the one who had a string of never ending sexual partners.
Why was it such a sin for her to have had hook ups in the past? It wasn’t as though Tony had some false belief that she was a virgin.
She resented that Tony would basically imply what he’d implied, even going as far as to ask her why she hadn’t taken McGee to bed while she was at it. If Tony was going to call her a slut, then Olivia would prefer that he had the balls to just come out and say it.
It hurt to think that Tony seemed to think she was incapable of finally finding a stable relationship with someone who loved her so genuinely. Jimmy loved her without any hesitation or fear. Once it had become clear to him that she saw him as far more than just a friend he’d been so unafraid to love her.
Why was that so hard for Tony to wrap his brain around?
Did she really give off the aura that she was so undeserving or far too unstable for love?
Did he really resent her that much?
As the days went on her sorrow molded into anger and back into heartbreak and then back into anger all over again.
She’d at least finally forced Jimmy to go back to work this morning. He’d missed two days of work insisting that Dr. Mallard would understand and Jimmy had plenty of PTO anyway.
She knew he was just worried about her. He’d spent the entire weekend and two days now doting over her and fretting over her.
He’d become even more distressed when she’d puked yesterday and once again this morning. It was just the stress she’d reassured him, but he still seemed so worried.
She was amazed that he hadn’t defied her insistence that he go to work this morning after she’d vomited.
She’d only managed to get him to leave the house with the reassurance that she would call him the second she started feeling nauseous again.
Of course he’d texted her several times during the day thus far until his final text had read that Dr. Mallard was making him stop now but please call him at his lunch break.
Olivia had decided to at least take Jimmy’s ban from texting her as a sign that she should at least try to clean up her apartment a little.
She’d managed to get someone to cover her at work, deciding that teaching kids to make ceramics probably wasn’t advisable when she felt a little nauseous. The concept of going near squishy clay made her stomach turn.
She was a little saddened to miss out on it, after all she loved her job teaching art classes at a local community center.
Most of the time she taught kids and the elderly given that was who seemed to take the most interest in the art classes she’d been hired to teach at this particular community center. It was still an enjoyable job though.
No, she didn’t exactly need to work given her trust fund gave her more than enough money to live off of and focus on her art fulltime, but she loved the routine of having a job. She liked having a routine.
She’d actually come to love her life here after spending a few years constantly travelling with her last job.
It felt good to stay in one place and have one job at the same location. It felt good to have the routine of waking up every morning and knowing exactly what her day would bring.
She had a distinct feeling that Jimmy helped aid into her satisfaction with this period of her life.
He’d definitely made her life seem all the brighter. Even with all the events of the past few days and her falling out with her brother, Olivia was more than sure that Jimmy made her world a brighter place. She loved him enough that she was sure he was worth any amount of stress.
She tried her best to pull her mind from her troubles, choosing instead to focus on cleaning knowing that her apartment had become a bit of a mess over these past few days. Jimmy and she really hadn’t felt up to actually leaving the apartment. They’d been more focused on trying to reassure one another and heal from the events of the weekend.
It was high time to give the place a good deep clean. Besides, cleaning always did help her cope with her anxieties.
She started with the bathroom knowing it was always her least favorite part of the process of housework.
It wasn’t until she was down on her knees sorting through the contents under the bathroom sink that she came across a particular box of items that made her heart drop.
She stared down at the box of tampons in her hand, a sudden realization hitting her. She was late. No, she wasn’t too terribly late, but still late enough to give her pause.
She knew everyone insisted that they ran like clockwork and everyone else insisted that wasn’t possible, but she was pretty sure ran as close to being like clockwork as possible. She had at least some concept of how her cycle ran most of the time.
It would explain a lot a little voice in the back of her brain exclaimed; the nausea, the exhaustion…the late period.
Jimmy and she used protection though…then again hadn’t they occasionally had their little slip ups?
She felt her heart begin to slam in her chest as she tried her best to remember every single sexual experience they’d had over the past few months.
Olivia groaned it hitting her that there was only one way to figure this all out.
She stood up dropping the box of tampons, her mind going on autopilot as she made her way out to the living room searching for her car keys.
Soon enough she would know the truth.
………………………………………………………
Olivia had never imagined that she’d find herself in a bathroom at a CVS with a comically large bottle of lemonade and a plastic bag filled with pregnancy tests.
It would be amusing if it was happening to anyone but her.
She debated calling Jimmy and explaining her current situation but she couldn’t imagine how to even begin to have that conversation over the phone “So how’s Dr. Mallard? How’s Autopsy today? Anything interesting happening because oh, boy on my end things sure have gotten interesting. I’ve peed on three pregnancy tests and I don’t even know where I found the pee in my bladder to manage it!”
She was pretty sure that wasn’t how you were supposed to have the “don’t freak out but we may be pregnant” talk with your boyfriend.
This couldn’t be happening, not now. This was so not the time for this.
Jimmy and she had barely even broached the subject of having kids. The few times they’d discussed it they had been in agreement that it was something they both wanted but it had always been framed as something that would happen in the future.
Hell, they’d not even shared news of their relationship with her brother, so any talk of kids was always framed as some far off idea of what they might want in the future or what they pictured in a future together.
She had zero doubts in her mind that Jimmy Palmer would be an incredible father. He was an incredible boyfriend after all. He was far too sweet to be anything less than amazing. He just had that personality; that gentle heart that had made her fall for him in the first place. The man was a sweetheart. He loved kids and he loved her. Men like Jimmy were made to be fathers.
Olivia would be lying if she tried to pretend that the idea of having his baby didn’t make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
It just was absolutely the worst time possible for this to be happening.
Sure Olivia had met Jimmy’s family and it was clear that their relationship was serious. Things were just so complicated though.
Jimmy hadn’t met Dinozzo Sr…not that that was a bad thing but still…she might be pregnant and her father didn’t even know he existed.
Jimmy and Olivia didn’t even live together.
Where would they put a crib? Their apartments were only one bedroom. Would they have to get a new place?
Oh God, what would Tony do?
He was pissed off enough when it had come out that Jimmy was dating her, so what was he going to do if it came out that Jimmy had knocked her up while he was at it?
Olivia felt her blood run cold when the alarm she’d set on her cell phone chimed notifying her that it was time.
She took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves as she picked up the first test with a shaky hand
She stared at it, her brain suddenly struggling to make sense of the blue plus on the screen in front of her.
She picked up the other test sorting through the instructions trying to make sense of the result on this test her stomach turning as she realized just what it meant.
It meant the same thing that the other two tests were telling her.
She was so screwed.
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infinitefandomimagines · 5 years ago
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Tell Her - Poe Dameron x reader
...
WARNINGS: BLOOD, JEALOUSY, LANGUAGE 
REQUEST: @poedamneron01 HELLOO! I was wondering if I could have a poe x reader imagine where reader has a huge crush on poe and they’ve been friends since they both joined the resistance, the reader gets jealous of poe and zurii’s interactions. THEN, fast forward to the final order battle, and reader gets injured and poe is worried and like confesses to her. I’m sorry if none of this makes sense but i’m looking forward to the imagine !!!
...
You'd always had a sliver of hope that he liked you as much as you liked him.
The years of back and forth flirty banter and jokes. The number of times the two of you shared a bed when one of you had trouble sleeping due to nightmares. Or how he made you feel safe through every step of the ongoing war. The way he trusted you when he finally opened up about his past and insecurities. The way the two of you just clicked the first time you met after joining the resistance, and only grew closer time went on. That couldn't all just mean nothing.
But that sliver of hope was quickly crushed the second you arrived on Kijimi. You knew from the way he looked at her the chance of him liking you back when from slim to none. It was obvious they had a past, and even more obvious both of them still held onto it.
You had to hide the pain and jealousy as Poe eagerly followed Zorii to the roof to keep lookout. You hated the pitiful looks Finn and Rey gave you because they knew. They knew about your silly little crush without you even having to tell them. Hell, they knew you were in love with him before you ever admitted it to yourself, and for the longest time, they always pressed the fact that Poe shared the same feelings. But now they were silent, not sure how to comfort your broken heart.
After a while, you became suspicious of how long Zorii and Poe had been gone, and why they hadn't reported anything to the rest of you. "I'm gonna go check on them," you announced aloud.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Finn asked, concerned about what you might walk in on.
"Yeah, they've been up there a while, just wanna make sure no one's coming to kill us," you tried to joke, but Finn saw straight through the poor attempt. You didn't say it with an attitude or a wink, instead, you just sounded sad and tired. Not at all like your self.
"Okay," he said softly, knowing he really couldn't stop you.
You climbed the stairs to the roof quietly, not wanting to alert anyone of your presence. You knew it was wrong to eavesdrop in their conversation, but jealousy and curiosity got the better of you.
You listened for a couple of minutes, but eventually, guilt began to set in. You shouldn't be doing this, if you really did love Poe, then you should want the best for him. It was just hard to accept that the best for him wasn't going to be you.
It was when Zorii offered Poe the chance to escape with her that you left, in all honesty, you didn't want to hear his answer. Scared he might actually take her up on the offer.
But maybe you shouldn't have left so early, maybe had you stayed just a moment longer you would've heard him decline the offer.
"I can't leave the resistance, I can't. . . I can't leave her," he confessed.
"The girl downstairs? What was her name again, Y/N?"
Poe nodded, "It's just. . .when I'm with her, it's like time slows down, ya know? Like for a second, there isn't any bad in the world, no war, no First Order, no Kylo Ren, none of it. Like it's just me and her, safe and happy. I can't lose that."
There was a sad look in Zorii's eyes, but at the same time, it seemed like she understood. Somehow she still looked happy for him.
"Well have you told her yet?" Zorii asked.
"Told her what?"
Zorii rolled her eyes at Poe's obliviousness, "Everything you just told me, dumbass." Poe shook his head, "Nah, it'd just fuck everything up, I can't mess up years of friendship over a stupid crush."
"Well I think you should tell her, life is too short and unpredictable these days to not. It sounds to me like you really love this girl, she deserves to know that."
Poe let out an anxious laugh, "What? Love? No, no I'm not in love with her, it- it's just a crush." Zorii gave him a look, one he knew meant that she didn't believe him.
"J- Just because I think she's the most beautiful girl doesn't mean I love her," Poe rambled. "I mean. . . okay, yeah- I'll admit that when she's around it does make my day better and that her laugh is one of the best sounds in the world. Oh, and that she always makes me feel safe when I'm terrified about what's gonna happen to the resistance, and that- oh fuck. . . I'm in love with her."
"So tell her you idiot," Zorii said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You may not see it, but I only just met the chick and even I can tell you mean something to her."
"Thank you, Zorii, I really mean it."
"No problem, I'm happy to call you out on being an idiot any time."
Poe let out a soft chuckle, sending a small smile to Zorii, which she returned with a breathy laugh.
Poe had completely planned on telling you how he felt after his conversation with Zorii. However, he never got to. Everything started going downhill, and fast. Breaking into Kylo Ren's ship, Rey running off, Leia's death, the hurriedly planned mission to Exogol. Not to mention you'd barely even look at him since you left Kijimi.
Before he knew it, the entire resistance base was in chaos as everyone prepared for what they hoped would be the last battle. He wished he had more time. Time to tell you how he felt, time to cherish another moment with you, and time to create a better plan.
Poe wasn't too happy about the plan at all, well he would've been, had it not been for one small detail. You were on the ground team. You couldn't fly, but you were one hell of a combat fighter and highly skilled in weaponry. It seemed like a no brainer to have you on the ground team, but it was dangerous, and he didn't like that you'd be somewhere he couldn't keep an eye on you.
But there was nothing he could do about it now. Because now he was in an X-wing, dodging blasts and talking his team through their procedures. The ground team had been deployed onto the command ship to take out its navigation system, you and Finn leading.
The battle was brutal, there were about four times as many stormtroopers as there were resistance ground fighters. It was starting to become nearly impossible to gain any ground with the amount of shots from blasters flying through the air.
You, Finn, and Jannah crouched behind a metal structure, trying to take cover. "We need to get to that tower! Finn yelled over the commotion surrounding the three of you. You glanced at the explosives strapped to Finn's chest, an idea popping into your head.
"Give me all the explosives you have!" Finn and Jannah didn't even question you, handing over their chest straps without hesitation.
"If we blow their main control panel we can shut down their navigation tower. Can you cover me?" You explained.
"You can't go alone!" Finn argued, not liking the idea.
"I'm fast, I can make it to the tower as long as you cover me!"
"I say we do it," Jannah spoke up. You gave Jannah a small smile, happy she was on your side. Finn let out an exasperated sigh, "Fine," he grumbled, "Just please be careful."
You nodded to Finn as he hesitantly handed over his explosives belt. "Cover me on three. One. Two. Three!"
You jumped up from behind your hiding spot, swiftly maneuvering your way around the ship's deck, dodging blasters and stormtroopers left and right. Finn and Jannah managed to land a few shots, fending off more stormtroopers from you.
You were nearly to the port which housed the main control panel when a crackling in your ear drew your attention. "Finn! You gotta get that ship's navigation offline!" Poe's voice broadcast over the ear-comms.
"I know! Y/N's about to blow their main control panel!" He responded, before shooting down another trooper that was sneaking behind you. You refused to stop moving, weaving your way around the troopers and shooting the few you couldn't avoid.
"I'm sorry, she's what? Alone?" Poe didn't sound too happy. "Y/N that's too dangerous!"
You rolled eyes, "I can handle myself, I'm nearly there!"
You hated that the entire resistance was hearing your little dispute, but the comms were all connected, and Poe hadn't bothered to switch to a private channel. "Go back now! I'm not losing over this half-assed plan, there's a better way!"
"This isn't your decision Poe!" You snapped, tired of him telling you what to do. You heard him mutter a few frustrated choice words into the comms. Despite his protests, you ended up reaching the port that held the controls. Jannah and Finn surrounded you as you opened the latch and dropped all but one of the explosives into the hole.
"I'm about to detonate, go!" You yelled over the commotion to Finn and Jannah. They both looked back at you before hesitantly taking cover, they knew better than to argue.
"I'm about the blow the tower offline, now's our chance," you spoke over the comms to the resistance. You switched on the last explosive, its blinking red light letting you know it was active. You dropped it into the hole along with the other explosives and shut the port.
You scrambled to your feet and started moving as quickly as you could to get away from the explosion that was sure to come. You only made it a couple of meters before a sharp impact to the side of your head sent you to the ground. A stormtrooper towered over you, his blaster trained on you.
"Rebel scum," he scoffed, his voice modulator making him sound cold and robotic. However, before he had a chance to pull the trigger, a loud noise rattled the ground, and a blaze of orange and red erupted from the control port.
You quickly curled into a ball with your back to the explosion, trying your best to protect yourself. You felt a few sharp stings on your arms and back, and then one sharp stab in your side. A large thud next to you alerted your attention. The stormtrooper from before was now on the ground, a crimson liquid pouring out from his unprotected neck.
You quickly crawled behind another ledge to get out of the main chaos of the battle. You clutched your side, feeling a warm and sticky liquid accumulate.
"You did it! The tower is down!" Poe's voice rang out over the comms, he was ecstatic. Your plan had worked, and now there was no way for the Final Order to escape Exogol.
You'd suffered a few scratches caused by shrapnel flying past, but the piece that was lodged into your side posed quite the threat. Blood wouldn't seem to stop flowing from the wound, and your mind was getting cloudier by the second.
"I'm hit," you spoke weakly into your comm, using all your strength as you tried to pull yourself up, failing miserably. Each attempt sending a wave of pain through your torso. "Finn, I need help, I'm losing blood fast." You knew he had to be close, your best bet was Finn getting you somewhere safe. However, it wasn't Finn who responded first.
"Y/N!?" Poe's voice was frazzled and panicked. "What do you mean you're hit, what happened?"
"Shrapnel from the explosion," you explained quickly, "Finn, I can't move I need you or Jannah!" You were becoming more desperate, the light airy feeling in your head growing.
"I see you, but there's troopers everywhere! I can't get to you!" Finn also sounded panicked. He searched desperately for any possible way to get to you, but each proved more difficult than the last. "Just hang on, I'm gonna find a way!"
"Finn get her out of there!" Poe barked, not exactly helping the situation. "I'm trying!" Finn yelled back.
A numb feeling washed over you, and suddenly the unbearable pain in your side started slowly dissipating. Shock fully took over as your body tried everything it could to make this as painless as possible, almost as if it knew you weren't gonna make it out of this. And oddly enough, your fear of death began to subside.
Up above you could see ships appearing throughout the sky. It looks like the Resistance's call for help hadn't gone unheard. A small smile graced your lips as you watched more and more ships arrive. Lando's voice came over the comms, as well as a few others, but one stuck out to you. Zorii. She was alive. There was an odd sense of relief as you realized Poe would be okay, he wouldn't be alone.
You shivered as you grew colder and colder, slowly accepting you might not make it out of this battle. "I-it's okay. . . It's okay." You muttered, slightly slurring your words together.
"Why does it sound like you're giving up?" Poe said worriedly. "J-Just hold on, you'll be fine-- Finn you need to hurry!"
"I know, I'm working on it!"
"I'm sorry, Poe," you said softly, not sure of the comms would pick of your voice or not. "I'm sorry I've been so weird lately I just-"
"Stop apologizing like you're going to die, you're fine!"
For a second, you thought about telling Poe how you felt, but that second passed just as quickly as it came to mind. You couldn't do that to him, you couldn't put that kind of guilt on him. He deserved to be happy, live the rest of his days out with Zorii and his friends.
"You'll be okay," you whispered out. It was intended for Poe, yet deep down you knew it was just your way of reassuring yourself.
You let your eyes flutter shut, taking in your last few seconds of consciousness. The words you heard next were barely audible, and truth be told you weren't positive it was even real. But the second they were spoken, darkness finally consumed you.
"Please don't leave me, Y/N.”
...
Your breath hitched and caught in your throat, causing your eyes to snap open as you gasped for air. Your head came in contact with a clear barrier, a loud thud echoing in the chamber you were encapsulated in. You immediately recognized the structure, it was the same one Finn rested in as he recovered from his fight against Kylo Ren.
Your fingers found the release lever inside of the contraption, pulling it. There was a soft hiss as the transparent, glass top hinged open. The second you sat up your head began to spin, and a horrible pain radiated from your side, along with a matching headache. You hunched over, curling into yourself as you let the pain subside. 'No more sudden movements,' you thought to yourself.
You cautiously stood up, your movements as slow as molasses. You eventually found some extra clothes in a nearby cabinet and changed into a pair of white sweatpants, a thin thermal t-shirt, and white slippers. As you changed you got a glance at the large white bandage covering your side. 
You felt disoriented, completely unaware of what day it was or what had even happened. In your confused state, you instinctively headed for the door. Opening the door, you stepped into an empty white hallway.
You'd been here before.
It suddenly clicked in your brain where you were, the resistance base. Though you were still confused as to how you ended up in the medical wing. Deciding the best way to get some answer was to find people, you made your way to the cantina. 
It seemed as though you’d picked the perfect destination, the cantina was bustling with humans and aliens alike. Many of them had bandaged legs, broken arms, and cuts and bruised all over their bodies, yet all of them were smiling and laughing. Your eyes scanned the room, looking for someone you knew could give you answers.
Your eyes landed on a table in the center of the room. Rey, Finn, Rose, and Poe all sat together, and while most of them were smiling and talking enthusiastically, it was Poe who held a certain sadness in his features. His lips were set in a thin line, the corners of them drooping down ever so slightly, and he looked tired, exhausted even. He had a small cut on his forehead, but other than that he was generally unharmed.
Your feet started moving on your own, carrying you over to the table where your friends sat, yet none of them had noticed you in the crowded room. However, as you got closer Rey perked up from her slouched position, fully alert. Finn, Poe, and Rose all gave her weird looks. She whipped her head around to face you, causing the others to draw their attention your way as well. You watched as each of their facial expressions melted into one’s of pure shock and confusion. However, it was Poe who reacted first; standing up abruptly, his metal chair making an awful scraping noise as he did so. 
His pace was slow at first, but soon enough it turned to a light jog as he closed the distance between the two of you. Your lips parted to ask him what the hell you’d missed, but before you had the chance, you were completely engulfed in his arms. One of his arms crossed you back, his hand resting just below your shoulder, and held the back of your head with his other hand. You didn’t react at first, completely caught off guard, but eventually, you snaked your arms around his waist, burying your face in his chest.
“You’re awake?” He whispered in disbelief, “How long ago did you wake up?” 
You gently pulled away from the hug to talk to him properly. You shrugged, “Five-ish minutes?”
By now Finn, Rey, and Rose had made their way from their table over to you and Poe. “Do you remember what happened? The war?” Finn pressed, yet his voice was soft and comforting. You were about to ask what he was talking about but the second you opened your mouth it was like a switch flipped in your brain.
Zorii. The war. Blowing the tower. Getting hit. The pain.
You nodded your head hesitantly, “I-I think so? How long has it been since. . ?” 
“Two days,” Poe said, his voice slightly pitchy with emotion.
“Y/N. . .We won!” Rey’s voice was breathy and full of hope, “Because you blew up that tower!”
“And almost died.” Poe spat out matter of factly. His tone wasn’t aggressive, but you could tell there was a hint of anger in his words. Angry at the First Order. Angry at himself for not doing more. Angry at you for being so reckless.
“I did what had to be done, they were picking us off like flies,” You explained as the memories resurfaced. 
“Do you have any idea what I would’ve done had you died? Do you have any idea what that would have done to me?” Poe’s raised voice began to draw the attention of more than a few others. The added looks and attention made you feel a bit self-conscious.
“The Resistance is bigger the individual, we both agreed that its cause comes before ourselves-”
“Yeah well, not when it comes to you!”
You and Poe locked eyes in silence as his chest heaved with heavy and emotion-filled breaths. His eyes were red and had a glossy sheen over them. You searched Poe’s face for any hint as to what exactly he meant, but all you could see was anguish. “I don’t understand . . .” you whispered.
Poe took in a deep breath, “I love you,” he hesitantly mumbled out. “I don’t care if telling you makes things weird or if you don’t feel the same I just- you almost died. And all I could think about is how you’d never know how I really felt and I saw how empty my life would be if I didn’t have you in it. So yeah, when it comes to you, fuck everything else, fuck all of it. Cause it all means nothing if I don’t have you.”
You weren’t quite sure how to react. Part of you wanted to jump into his arms and never let go, but the other part of thought about Zorii and what you heard on the roof. Poe’s face started to fall as you just stared at him, completely unreadable. You noticed his shift in demeanor, and you knew you had to do something, you couldn’t let him think you didn’t feel the same. 
Before you knew it, you were moving. Your hands found their way to Poe’s face, pulling him down as you stood on your toes. Your lips met his gently, which was surprising considering how long you’d been wanting to kiss the man. Poe reacted immediately, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in closer to him. 
“Maker’s sake, finally,” you heard Finn mutter under his breath, causing both you and Poe to laugh, breaking the kiss. 
“I hope that means you feel the same,” Poe grinned, back to his charming and confident self. You rolled your eyes, “What, you want more proof?”
Poe shrugged, “I definitely wouldn’t mind a little more.”
“I love you, Poe Dameron,” You whispered, smiling up at him. His grin grew, “I love you too, I always have.”
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ncfan-1 · 4 years ago
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Because I feel like we’re being set up to encounter Sabine once more in The Mandalorian, some of my more discontented feelings regarding what happened to her in the epilogue of Rebels have been coming to the surface, because I just can’t be 100% okay with anything, can I?
But I really, really do not like what is implied to have happened with Sabine in the epilogue of Rebels. Over the years, I have become more cognizant of the problems I have with certain things in the back half of Season 4 of Rebels, but I think my problems with what happened with Sabine were there in the forefront of my mind from nearly the beginning, even if it was a while before I was willing to really engage with it.
Okay. The natural culmination of Sabine’s character arc over the course of Seasons 3 and 4 was for her to accept the mantle of leadership. We’re all in agreement about that, right? I remember having problems with her shirking that role on Mandalore back in the Season 4 premiere, but I had thought at the time that, from there, her arc would culminate in her accepting the mantle of leadership within the wider rebellion, rather than merely in the Mandalorian Resistance. After all, Sabine has had Hera as one of her most important role models since early adolescence, Hera who decided that it wasn’t enough merely to liberate her own homeworld, but that for liberty to last, she had to go out and free the whole galaxy. Sabine might more readily follow Hera’s example than, say, her mother’s, or Bo-Katan’s. It would have made sense for Sabine to transcend the need for just her own people’s liberation, would have made sense for her take everything she has learned since she was cast out of Mandalorian society as a child and dream bigger than just the dream of a liberated Mandalorian society.
And she really did seem on track for that culmination in the finale. There was a moment that I was sure was the culmination. You guys can probably think of what it is yourself, but it bears pointing out here. It was that moment after Sabine spotted Ezra sneaking off to carry out his own plane, that moment after she covered for him, that moment after the others realized that Ezra had gone off on his own. It was that moment when Sabine stopped Hera from trying to force Ezra to come back, that moment when Sabine took charge of the situation and formulated a plan of action for the team—and her leitmotif started playing.
This was the moment to me. I watched this play out, and I well and truly believed that Sabine had finally reached the culmination of her character arc. I believed that this was Sabine finally pushing past all of her doubts and insecurity. I believed that this was Sabine overcoming her feelings of unworthiness and taking up the mantle of a leader. I believed that this was Sabine accepting herself, accepting the fact that she was capable of being a leader, that she was a leader. And every part she played in the finale after that moment seemed to bear this out—it was Sabine acting as a leader without hesitation, without doubt, without second-guessing herself. She’d finally overcome that block.
And then, the epilogue. Then, Sabine’s voiceover talking about the parts everybody else played in the events to come—and behold, she is nowhere to be found in those recollections, and behold, the absolutely hideous implication that she completely abandoned the fight after the liberation of Lothal, and spent the rest of the war on the planet.
No, it’s never said outright, and that’s the one saving grace of it all. But it certainly is implied, isn’t it? It’s implied, and it’s such a monumental step backwards for her character, so out of left field, that the only way to make sense of it is to look at the man behind the curtain and think about it Doylistically, instead of Watsonianly.
It feels to me like Sabine was forced to abandon the culmination of her character arc in favor of shouldering the natural culmination of Ezra’s arc. Ezra’s arc would have had a natural conclusion in him remaining on Lothal to protect the planet from further reprisals and help it heal from the damage done to it, but it really hits differently when it’s a character whose arc was never heading in that direction before the last five minutes of the show. It’s not natural, is it?
Now, I don’t have as many problems with what happened with Ezra as I do with what happened with Sabine, and I honestly think that what happened with him works fairly well as an alternate culmination of his arc. But it doesn’t work with Sabine, does it? It does not work with Sabine to have her character arc mutilated this way, because what’s happened is that the implication that she abandoned the fight and stayed on Lothal makes her regress as a person as a character. I was originally going to say it regresses her to her early Season 1 self, but actually, it doesn’t, because even in early Season 1, Sabine was still willing to take the fight to the Empire, even if she was daunted by her doubts and all of her baggage. Where it regresses her to is her pre-series self, right after she and Ketsu escaped Mandalore, and Sabine is so utterly discouraged and heartbroken by her family and society’s rejection of her that she abandons the idea of fighting the Empire for a long time, and turns her heart away from the suffering of the galaxy at large.
It makes no sense, but then, forcing one character to take on the arc of another character rarely ever does.
Now, like I said, it is the strong implication that Sabine abandoned the fight after the liberation of Lothal. It is strongly implied, but never outright stated, and like I also said, that’s the one saving grace of all of this, that it’s never outright stated in the show itself. If The Mandalorian has her saying that oh, she actually was out doing stuff with the Rebellion during the war proper, it might go against the implication, but I’ll still accept it, because it would be so much easier to engage with a Sabine I actually recognize, rather than the stranger who was dropped on us in the epilogue.
--
I write all of this both to get it off of my chest, and as a long, long preamble explaining why I am writing this. I write it because I think that after meeting Bo-Katan, the next logical step for Din Djarin is for him to meet Sabine. He’s met someone who performs the Mandalorian identity differently from himself, and by the end of ‘The Heiress’, he seems to be on the way to accepting that there is more than one valid way to perform Mandalorian culture and identity. Sabine is the next logical step in the progression, the next step after Din coming to accept that there is more than one way to perform their culture: someone who has a deeply complicated relationship with her cultural identity as a Mandalorian, someone who has done harm to that culture while also deeply harmed by it, someone whose identity as a Mandalorian includes not only battle and loyalty to her family, but self-expression through artwork.
I think that self-expression through art, always so important to Sabine’s character, might be introduced here as well. Because Din’s unpainted armor has always been jarring to me, and I think that his ability to engage in self-expression might have been just a little stifled (or more than a little stifled) by his raising in the Watch, and the values the Watch inculcated in him. Sabine might well introduce him to the concept of painting his armor, whether in his clan colors (and if he doesn’t have any at present, there could well be a scene of him deciding what they are), or in colors and designs that he chooses, that are personally meaningful to him, without clan affiliation or loyalty to the Watch entering.
There is something else about Sabine that I think will be of interest in this show, especially since she is most likely to turn up in Ahsoka’s company. Sabine provides an interesting inverse to the Child’s present situation—where the Child is a Force-wielder sheltered and cared for by a Mandalorian, Sabine was, once upon a time, a Mandalorian child sheltered and cared for by a Jedi, a Mandalorian child who was in her adolescence brought up alongside a child who was a Jedi.
I don’t think that Din’s journey leads him ultimately to give up the child to the Jedi, because that would be a betrayal of the bond that has formed between them. I think that his journey leads to him finding the middle way, finding that place where Mandalorians and Jedi can coexist, held fast by bonds of care and loyalty and love. That Sabine has all of these bonds with Jedi—with Kanan and Ezra, and by the implication of the finale, with Ahsoka as well—may well be the thing that proves to Din that it can be done, that just because Mandalorians and Jedi have traditionally been enemies, does not mean that they must always be enemies.
Din has gone out into the galaxy as the man who has everything to learn about life and how his can be richer than it has been, who has everything to learn about how his own people can be more than just one thing. Both he and Sabine are alienated from their culture in their own ways, and I’m interested to see the way they might play off of each other, what they can learn from each other, and especially what Din is willing to learn from Sabine. I know it’s not a sure thing that Sabine will show up, but it feels right, and I’ll be interested to see what role she has to play in the show.
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artificialqueens · 4 years ago
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The Parent Trap, Chapter 8 (Biadore) - Henny
WELL WELL WELL I hope you bitches are ready!
Hello, my loves!
Did you miss me? That was a loOOooooOoNg hiatus, almost *holds up three fingers* this many,I think. I have no excuses, I really just lacked the passion to continue this one. But, I’ve been lurking on Tumblr too long and I’m just so ready to get back into this. I have most of it plotted out already. I won’t promise a regular update, but I’m sure I’d get to finish this one way or another.
ALSO, I don’t want to get clocked or whatever, but I know when it comes to IVF and basic biology (I guess) The twins aren’t going to be identical since they’re from two separate sperm cells?? BUT, LIKE ALSO, I DON’T CARE?? It’s fanfiction, not fact. SO LET’S JUST SAY THESE GIRLS ARE IDENTICAL, BUT ONE OF EM IS DANNY’S AND ONE OF EM ROY’S (BUT YOU WON’T REALLY FIND OUT). Just please don’t make me think about science-y stuff. Sorry, STEM Majors!
Another thing, assume AS2 didn’t happen, okey?
All the love, Hennies!
xx Henny
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“Well… well… well… I hope you bitches are ready… “ Nerissa smiles, excited to meet Portia’s favorite. And when the screen shows her a face that is all too familiar and a voice that hits a little too close to home,
“I’m Bianca Del Rio, I’m thirty-seven years old…”
She pales.
Portia notices the quick change of mood. She reaches out to press the spacebar to pause the video, a little upset with the fact that they won’t get to finish the episode. The other girl is silent as she moves from Portia’s bed to her own, and something within Portia knew that Nerissa was in her head, deeply in her head. Not wanting to force the girl into anything she wasn’t comfortable with, Portia fiddles with the edge of her laptop with her head down.
Nerissa can feel the blood draining from her face. Some things were clicking into place. Her dad was a drag queen. Was Riz surprised? Not really. She has seen her dad put makeup on some models, not full-drag, but glam nonetheless. The dresses? Obviously. But, why didn’t HE tell HER? Anger rises in her system, she wanted to scream but something was holding her back. Her and her dad were always so close, and she’d like to believe that he didn’t have any secrets from her. Except that one room in their home. HMMM.  
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A memory unlocks in her head. Age 7, finally mustering up the courage to rebel against her dad’s instructions,specifically about the one room in their apartment her dad said to never go in. It was always kept locked, except Uncle Shane accidentally left it unlocked that fruitful day. Nerissa remembers sneaking in, both adults thinking she was taking a nap. When she turned the lights on, her eyes were met with different colors. Sparkly, colorful, sequined dresses; Tall boots and heels; wigs of blacks, browns, and reds neatly perched on mannequin heads. It was beautiful and excitement bubbled up in her tummy. She walked over to a wall that was filled with picture frames; some people in them she knew, the others she didn’t.
One thing that struck her the most was a portrait that was nearly as big as her then-7-year-old body in the middle of the wall, the chandelier breaking the light in a myriad of colors on the photograph. The picture was of two beautiful queens, a little heavy handed on the makeup, now that she thinks about it. The two ladies wore beautiful black gowns, she would even assume that it was cut from the same fabric. The one with black hair wore a giant crown on her head, smiling a dimpled smile with her face to the spotlight. The other had fire red hair; she looked like she was screaming with joy as she lifted a sparkly scepter up in the air. They had one arm around the other’s waist and they looked very happy. She didn’t think much about it then, but…
“That was Bianca… and oh my god– that was Adore.” Nerissa says out of the blue, catching Portia’s attention from the other side of the room.
“I’m sorry what?” Portia asks, leaning closer to indicate that she was listening carefully now and that Riz had her full attention.
“Back in New York, my dad… he always kept this room locked. I only went there once, but he got really mad when he caught me.”
Portia moves to sit on Nerissa’s bed. “Yeah, okay… but you said something about my dad. What about Adore?”
“In that room,” Nerissa licks her lips, speaking slowly to help her rationalize her story in her head better. “… and I’m not sure if it’s still there. There was a picture of my dad as Bianca, and I think Adore. My dad wore a crown and Adore was holding the scepter.” She says thoughtfully. “Wow, spoiler alert. Ha!” She tries to joke, but now Portia looks at her with a shocked face.
“Wait, YOUR DAD IS BIANCA DEL RIO?! LIKE YOU’RE NERISSA HAYLOCK?? HAYLOCK?!?! AS IN ROY HAYLOCK?”
Nerissa blinks. “I thought you knew – how many Haylocks do you know?”
Portia blanches. “I DIDN’T WANT TO ASSUME! Roy Haylock has always been very hush-hush about you. You don’t even appear on social media, so you can’t really blame me. And my hatred for you, then, really blinded me. Sorry again, by the way. WAIT, LET ME JUST FANGIRL FOR A MINUTE.” Portia grabs a pillow and lets out a giddy scream.  
Nerissa lets out a soft laugh before rolling her eyes playfully. “ANYWAY! FOCUS!! So, as I was saying, my dad has a picture of Bianca and Adore during, what I assume was, the coronation in his super secret closet.”
“Wait… but– No… no… that can’t be.” Portia says once she gets to calm her erratic heartbeat. “Bianca won season 6, I don’t think a photo like that photo exists– unless–” She stops talking abruptly and runs to her laptop. Nerissa watches her type furiously, obviously looking for something. When Portia finds it, she makes her way back to her position earlier.
“Look, see” Portia redirects Nerissa’s attention to the laptop’s screen. It was under a folder called “conspiracy theories” and from Riz’s point-of-view it was nothing but screenshots from Tumblr or twitter. “Back then, during their time, it was rumored that Bianca and Adore had filmed an ending where they both won–like they shared it. “
“Did you really search this about your dad?”
“YES! Now, pay attention” Portia huffs, brushing her hair back. “I don’t have more proof though because apparently the receipts back then were trashed when people started losing interest in Season 6 because we’re like in its, I don’t know like, 1000th season now. Then suddenly, when Bianca said she was quitting drag for good, more people deleted stuff about Bianca to respect her wishes then full-blast supported Roy in his fashion career.”
“Wait– wait, Bianca quit drag? Why?”
“Well, people started speculating that it was probably for his daugh–” Portia stops mid sentence, looking at Nerissa’s sudden sad face sheepishly. “Hey, don’t feel bad!”
“He was so happy, Porsche! I may not remember the picture’s every detail, but he was so happy being Bianca. Did you see the way she smiled the minute she walked in the werkroom? You mean to tell me I did that??”
“No, that’s just one of the speculations, really.”
“What were the others?”
“Retirement, boredom… to name a few. One thing I found interesting, but I highly doubt is that people said it was because of Adore.” Portia snorts as she mindlessly scrolls to her photos on her laptop. Nerissa observes her for a bit, before asking;
“How come?”
“If you’re talking about why people thought Adore was involved; that’s because before Bianca quit drag, her and Adore were really close. As in, super close, they were always seen or spotted together. When Bianca did quit, there was complete radio silence from Adore. They cut all communications on social media. Then people saw that they unfollowed each other and whatnot, PLUS they also found it odd that Roy was still talking to Courtney and would go to support local drag scenes, but would completely cop out if Adore was in any shape/form involved.” Portia explains, and Nerissa notes the hints of sadness in her voice.
“Makes sense to me, so then why do you doubt it?” Nerissa’s head tilts slightly as she watches Portia put her laptop on the bed. Her eyes then drift to the mirror that’s adjacent to the side of her bed and stares intently at their reflection.
“Well, for starters, if it ever happened, my dad would tell me. He knows that I absolutely adore Bianca, so I think if they ever had a relationship; he would let me know. It is weird though how he doesn’t really like talking about her. He’d just smile and shrug, so maybe there was a falling out or a fight.” Portia narrates, her sadness becoming a little more apparent.
Nerissa hums, in deep thought. A pregnant pause lingers in the air. With her curiosity getting the best of her, Nerissa asks out of the blue;
“Hey, Portia?”
“Yeah?"
"Did your dad adopt you?"
Portia looks at Nerissa as if she’s grown another head, which coming from her is ironic in itself.
"Well, no, but it’s kind of complicated. My dad was actually married in the past. He would tell me that they tried both fertilized eggs and hoped for the best. Nine months later, I was born and up until today, he doesn’t know if I was his or his ex’s biological baby, but he loves me nonetheless.”
“But won’t you look predominantly like one though?”
“Yeah, I look like my egg donor who looks eerily like my dad.” Portia pauses, head tilted.
“Aren’t you a little curious which one’s your biological dad?” Nerissa continues to probe. If things lined up correctly, Nerissa knew the both of them were going to be thrown into a loop. Portia thinks for a while, considering the idea, before her face contorts with distaste.
“Nah, he never really cared for me in the beginning, so why should I bother now? Even if I was his biologically, he didn’t raise me. He’s just a sperm donor to me, if ever. Why’d you ask anyway?“
"Because I refuse to play stupid when it’s so obvious that we’re twins.” Nerissa exclaims with such vigor, Portia nearly fell over the bed in surprise. ”Can’t you see how identical we look?"
"But…”
“No, no! Don’t try to deny it. I know there’s this whole theory about at least 5 people in the world looking like you–but not like this! Especially not when we basically have the same story growing up!” Nerissa is shaking as she stands to retrieve a picture in her bag; the very same frame she showed her friends her first day in the camp. She traced the edges of the frame before following the lines of her sleeping dad’s face. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?'  She thinks inwardly, willing the man in the photo for an answer.
“Riz, I think this is too much of a stretch. Our dads would’ve told us if it was something this serious. And our childhood couldn’t be that similar! And, even if–IF we were siblings; I wasn’t born a twin.”
“Oh yeah? When’s your birthday?”
“January 12.”
“Same here. I’m turning 11, you’re turning 11, too, right?. I’m telling you…  It makes sense! My dad ALSO said he had a partner a long time ago and like you; I don’t know who my biological father is because I could be my dad’s or his ex! And, to be honest, I really don’t care to know at this point, but it all lines up!” Riz gets flustered now, there’s a funny feeling in her tummy as Portia still looks at her with an unreadable expression on her face.
“And my dad said I looked mostly egg donor too, but he always says that he can see the things that remind him that I’m his or his partner’s– ex partner .” Nerissa finishes, plopping down to sit beside Portia who was still silent. “Well… what do you think? Say something!” She urges, almost pleadingly.
“So… you mean to tell me…”
“Yeah?” Nerissa prompts, watching the girl add things up in her head and the growing realization dawn on her face.
“BIADORE WAS REAL?!?!” Portia screeches with excitement before Nerissa hits her with a pillow.
“UGhhhhhhH!” Nerissa groans, “Can you stop thinking about drag race? This is bigger than us now. BUT, IN HINDSIGHT, YES! I genuinely believe that my dad and your dad used to be together, and they were probably the “ex” in our birth stories.”
“How are we twins with different dads though?” Portia asks once she calms down again.
“It’s possible. I read about it once, it’s like what happened with Neil Patrick Harris and his partner. They had a surrogate accept both eggs, so they had twins. Theirs was fraternal though, and seeing how identical we are– I’m guessing we’re a pretty special case of science and sheer luck.” Nerissa sighs, then sadly adds “It’s kinda annoying how they didn’t tell us. It’s one thing to divorce each other, but to raise kids and hiding a part of their truth? I think it’s cruel.”
“No… It kinda makes sense to me.” Portia says after a few minutes of silence and letting the question linger in the air. “My dad didn’t tell me about you… about how I was a twin because he knew…” she continues to say,  breath slow and soft, almost wavering. Tears slowly fill her eyes as she looks at her twin in front of her, “He knew if he told me about you, I would go looking for you. I- I would’ve done everything to meet my sister because I’ve always wanted a sister.” She sniffles, her hand reaching out to grasp the other girl’s hand. “And now I have one” Portia pulls Nerissa in for a hug.
They let the tears flow; tears of confusion, anger, frustration, joy, and love. They murmured their “sorry”; “it’s okay”; “I’ll still fight you when it comes to boys though”; and “Nah, don’t worry, I don’t even like boys…”
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When sobs turned to sniffles and feelings were pacified by food and other words of affirmation, they found themselves nestled on the ground between their bed frames with their mattress and heaps of pillows and blankets surrounding them.
“We still have a few weeks in here, what do you want to do till then?” Portia asks as she stuffs another cookie down her throat. Nerissa lifts a leg up nonchalantly in the air before dramatically dropping it to Portia’s side of the bed.
“Well, I still have more episodes of season 6 to go, right?” She proposes, making Portia smile with excitement. Portia, then, scrambles to get her laptop and plop back down to their little nest.
“Ready to see my dad kick your dad’s ass?” Portia taunts as she hovers to play Episode 2 from where the left off.
“Yeah, as if…”
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Los Angeles, California.  9PM.
Adore sat in front of the mirror, already cinched and dressed, 30 minutes before she was supposed to go on. She had arrived at least an hour before call time, something she had picked up when her and Bianca used to go to gigs together. She rolls her eyes at the memory, mostly due to her annoyance with herself. She knew deep down that she should’ve moved on; it’s been years. But, can you really blame her? You never forget your greatest love and your most painful heartbreak; it was rare for both storylines to be the same person. Because, who in their right mind let’s their greatest love go? Adore did; Danny did. She lets out a few lip thrills to recompose herself and blinks away at the tears threatening to ruin her makeup.
Her phone rings; without looking at the contact, she answers it with a few sniffles.
“Hello?” Adore drawls while grabbing a tissue across the table and dab it slowly under her eyes and her nose.
“Adore, darling!” Ru’s voice rings loudly across the speakers. Adore can hear him talk to someone in the background, but their conversation couldn’t be heard from her end.
“Hi, Ru…” She tries to mask the surprise in her voice. She knew the RuPaul didn’t make social calls UNLESS it was a big social event. If there’s one reason, one reason at all, Ru could be calling it’s…
“Hey, baby, I just wanted to call you myself since this might be a big favor to ask you…”
–that.
“Of course, Mama, what is it?” Adore was barely listening at this point, trying to come up with excuses already.
“Well, would you be interested in joining the first all-stars: battle of the winners in place of Bianca?”
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PREVIOUS CHAPTERS:
Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven |
TAGS Biadore, Bianca Del Rio, Adore Delano, Courtney Act, Parent Trap AU, Henny, Family, Slowburn
WELL WELL WELL I hope you bitches are ready!
Hello, my loves!
Did you miss me? That was a loOOooooOoNg hiatus, almost *holds up three fingers* this many,I think. I have no excuses, I really just lacked the passion to continue this one. But, I’ve been lurking on Tumblr too long and I’m just so ready to get back into this. I have most of it plotted out already. I won’t promise a regular update, but I’m sure I’d get to finish this one way or another.
ALSO, I don’t want to get clocked or whatever, but I know when it comes to IVF and basic biology (Iguess) The twins aren’t going to be identical since they’re from two separate sperm cells?? BUT, LIKE ALSO, I DON’T CARE?? It’s fanfiction, not fact. SO LET’S JUST SAY THESE GIRLS ARE IDENTICAL, BUT ONE OF EM IS DANNY’S AND ONE OF EM ROY’S (BUT YOU WON’T REALLY FIND OUT). Just please don’t make me think about science-y stuff. Sorry, STEM Majors!
Another thing, assume AS2 didn’t happen, okey?
All the love, Hennies!
Xxx Henny
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“Well… well… well… I hope you bitches are ready… “ Nerissa smiles, excited to meet Portia’s favorite. And when the screen shows her a face that is all too familiar and a voice that hits a little too close to home,
“I’m Bianca Del Rio, I’m thirty-seven years old…”
She pales.
Portia notices the quick change of mood. She reaches out to press the spacebar to pause the video, a little upset with the fact that they won’t get to finish the episode. The other girl is silent as she moves from Portia’s bed to her own, and something within Portia knew that Nerissa was in her head, deeply in her head. Not wanting to force the girl into anything she wasn’t comfortable with, Portia fiddles with the edge of her laptop with her head down.
Nerissa can feel the blood draining from her face. Some things were clicking into place. Her dad was a drag queen. Was Riz surprised? Not really. She has seen her dad put makeup on some models, not full-drag, but glam nonetheless. The dresses? Obviously. But, why didn’t HE tell HER?  Anger rises in her system, she wanted to scream but something was holding her back. Her and her dad were always so close, and she’d like to believe that he didn’t have any secrets from her. Except that one room in their home. HMMM.  
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A memory unlocks in her head. Age 7, finally mustering up the courage to rebel against her dad’s instructions,specifically about the one room in their apartment her dad said to never go in. It was always kept locked, except Uncle Shane accidentally left it unlocked that fruitful day. Nerissa remembers sneaking in, both adults thinking she was taking a nap. When she turned the lights on, her eyes were met with different colors. Sparkly, colorful, sequined dresses; Tall boots and heels; wigs of blacks, browns, and reds neatly perched on mannequin heads. It was beautiful and excitement bubbled up in her tummy. She walked over to a wall that was filled with picture frames; some people in them she knew, the others she didn’t.
One thing that struck her the most was a portrait that was nearly as big as her then-7-year-old body in the middle of the wall, the chandelier breaking the light in a myriad of colors on the photograph. The picture was of two beautiful queens, a little heavy handed on the makeup, now that she thinks about it. The two ladies wore beautiful black gowns, she would even assume that it was cut from the same fabric. The one with black hair wore a giant crown on her head, smiling a dimpled smile with her face to the spotlight. The other had fire red hair; she looked like she was screaming with joy as she lifted a sparkly scepter up in the air. They had one arm around the other’s waist and they looked very happy. She didn’t think much about it then, but…
“That was Bianca… and oh my god– that was Adore.” Nerissa says out of the blue, catching Portia’s attention from the other side of the room.
“I’m sorry what?” Portia asks, leaning closer to indicate that she was listening carefully now and that Riz had her full attention.
“Back in New York, my dad… he always kept this room locked. I only went there once, but he got really mad when he caught me.”
Portia moves to sit on Nerissa’s bed. “Yeah, okay… but you said something about my dad. What about Adore?”
“In that room,” Nerissa licks her lips, speaking slowly to help her rationalize her story in her head better. “… and I’m not sure if it’s still there. There was a picture of my dad as Bianca, and I think Adore. My dad wore a crown and Adore was holding the scepter.” She says thoughtfully. “Wow, spoiler alert. Ha!” She tries to joke, but now Portia looks at her with a shocked face.
“Wait, YOUR DAD IS BIANCA DEL RIO?! LIKE YOU’RE NERISSA HAYLOCK?? HAYLOCK?!?! AS IN ROY HAYLOCK?”
Nerissa blinks. “I thought you knew – how many Haylocks do you know?”
Portia blanches. “I DIDN’T WANT TO ASSUME! Roy Haylock has always been very hush-hush about you. You don’t even appear on social media, so you can’t really blame me. And my hatred for you, then, really blinded me. Sorry again, by the way. WAIT, LET ME JUST FANGIRL FOR A MINUTE.” Portia grabs a pillow and lets out a giddy scream.  
Nerissa lets out a soft laugh before rolling her eyes playfully. “ANYWAY! FOCUS!! So, as I was saying, my dad has a picture of Bianca and Adore during, what I assume was, the coronation in his super secret closet.”
“Wait… but– No… no… that can’t be.” Portia says once she gets to calm her erratic heartbeat. “Bianca won season 6, I don’t think a photo like that photo exists– unless–” She stops talking abruptly and runs to her laptop. Nerissa watches her type furiously, obviously looking for something. When Portia finds it, she makes her way back to her position earlier.
“Look, see” Portia redirects Nerissa’s attention to the laptop’s screen. It was under a folder called “conspiracy theories” and from Riz’s point-of-view it was nothing but screenshots from Tumblr or twitter. “Back then, during their time, it was rumored that Bianca and Adore had filmed an ending where they both won–like they shared it. “
“Did you really search this about your dad?”
“YES! Now, pay attention” Portia huffs, brushing her hair back. “I don’t have more proof though because apparently the receipts back then were trashed when people started losing interest in Season 6 because we’re like in its, I don’t know like, 1000th season now. Then suddenly, when Bianca said she was quitting drag for good, more people deleted stuff about Bianca to respect her wishes then full-blast supported Roy in his fashion career.”
“Wait– wait, Bianca quit drag? Why?”
“Well, people started speculating that it was probably for his daugh–” Portia stops mid sentence, looking at Nerissa’s sudden sad face sheepishly. “Hey, don’t feel bad!”
“He was so happy, Porsche! I may not remember the picture’s every detail, but he was so happy being Bianca. Did you see the way she smiled the minute she walked in the werkroom? You mean to tell me I did that??”
“No, that’s just one of the speculations, really.”
“What were the others?”
“Retirement, boredom… to name a few. One thing I found interesting, but I highly doubt is that people said it was because of Adore.” Portia snorts as she mindlessly scrolls to her photos on her laptop. Nerissa observes her for a bit, before asking;
“How come?”
“If you’re talking about why people thought Adore was involved; that’s because before Bianca quit drag, her and Adore were really close. As in, super close, they were always seen or spotted together. When Bianca did quit, there was complete radio silence from Adore. They cut all communications on social media. Then people saw that they unfollowed each other and whatnot, PLUS they also found it odd that Roy was still talking to Courtney and would go to support local drag scenes, but would completely cop out if Adore was in any shape/form involved.” Portia explains, and Nerissa notes the hints of sadness in her voice.
“Makes sense to me, so then why do you doubt it?” Nerissa’s head tilts slightly as she watches Portia put her laptop on the bed. Her eyes then drift to the mirror that’s adjacent to the side of her bed and stares intently at their reflection.
“Well, for starters, if it ever happened, my dad would tell me. He knows that I absolutely adore Bianca, so I think if they ever had a relationship; he would let me know. It is weird though how he doesn’t really like talking about her. He’d just smile and shrug, so maybe there was a falling out or a fight.” Portia narrates, her sadness becoming a little more apparent.
Nerissa hums, in deep thought. A pregnant pause lingers in the air. With her curiosity getting the best of her, Nerissa asks out of the blue;
"Hey, Portia?”
“Yeah?"
"Did your dad adopt you?"
Portia looks at Nerissa as if she’s grown another head, which coming from her is ironic in itself.
"Well, no, but it’s kind of complicated. My dad was actually married in the past. He would tell me that they tried both fertilized eggs and hoped for the best. Nine months later, I was born and up until today he doesn’t know if I was his or his ex’s biological baby, but he loves me nonetheless.”
“But won’t you look predominantly like one though?”
“Yeah, I look like my egg donor who looks eerily like my dad.” Portia pauses, head tilted.
“Aren’t you a little curious which one’s your biological dad?” Nerissa continues to probe. If things lined up correctly, Nerissa knew the both of them were going to be thrown into a loop. Portia thinks for a while, considering the idea, before her face contorts with distaste.
“Nah, he never really cared for me in the beginning, so why should I bother now? Even if I was his, biologically, he didn’t raise me. He’s just a sperm donor to me, if ever. Why’d you ask anyway?“
"Because I refuse to play stupid when it’s so obvious that we’re twins.” Nerissa exclaims with such vigor, Portia nearly fell over the bed in surprise. ”Can’t you see how identical we look?"
"But…”
“No, no! Don’t try to deny it. I know there’s this whole theory about at least 5 people in the world looking like you–but not like this! Especially not when we basically have the same story growing up!” Nerissa is shaking as she stands to retrieve a picture in her bag;the very same frame she showed her friends her first day in the camp. She traced the edges of the frame before following the lines of her sleeping dad’s face. 'Why didn’t you tell me?'  She thinks inwardly, willing the man in the photo for an answer.
“Riz, I think this is too much of a stretch. Our dads would’ve told us if it was something this serious. And our childhood couldn’t be that similar! And, even if–IF we were siblings; I wasn’t born a twin.”
“Oh yeah? When’s your birthday?”
“January 12.”
“Same here. I’m turning 11, you’re turning 11. I’m telling you…  It makes sense! My dad ALSO said he had a partner a long time ago and like you; I don’t know who my biological father is because I could be my dad’s or his ex! And, to be honest, I really don’t care to know at this point, but it all lines up!” Riz gets flustered now, there’s a funny feeling in her tummy as Portia still looks at her with an unreadable expression on her face.
“And my dad said I looked mostly egg donor too, but he always says that he can see the things that remind him that I’m his or his partner’s– ex partner .” Nerissa finishes, plopping down to sit beside Portia who was still silent. “Well… what do you think? Say something!” She urges, almost pleadingly.
“So… you mean to tell me…”
“Yeah?” Nerissa prompts, watching the girl add things up in her head and the growing realization dawn on her face.
“BIADORE WAS REAL?!?!” Portia screeches with excitement before Nerissa hits her with a pillow.
“UGhhhhhhH!” Nerissa groans, “Can you stop thinking about drag race? This is bigger than us now. BUT, IN HINDSIGHT, YES! I genuinely believe that my dad and your dad used to be together, and they were probably the “ex” in our birth stories.”
“How are we twins with different dads though?” Portia asks once she calms down again.
“It’s possible. I read about it once, it’s like what happened with Neil Patrick Harris and his partner. They had a surrogate accept both eggs, so they had twins. Theirs was fraternal though, and seeing how identical we are– I’m guessing we’re a pretty special case of science and sheer luck.” Nerissa sighs, “It’s kinda annoying how they didn’t tell us though. It’s one thing to divorce each other, but to raise kids and hiding a part of their truth? I think it’s cruel.”
“No… It kinda makes sense to me.” Portia says after a few minutes of silence and letting the question linger in the air. “My dad didn’t tell me about you… about how I was a twin because he knew…” she continues to say,  breath slow and soft, almost wavering. Tears slowly fill her eyes as she looks at her twin in front of her, “He knew if he told me about you, I would go looking for you. I- I would’ve done everything to meet my sister because I’ve always wanted a sister.” She sniffles, her hand reaching out to grasp the other girl’s hand. “And now I have one” Portia pulls Nerissa in for a hug.
They let the tears flow; tears of confusion, anger, frustration, joy, and love. They murmured their “sorry”; “it’s okay”; “I’ll still fight you when it comes to boys though”; and “Nah, don’t worry, I don’t even like boys…”
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When sobs turned to sniffles and feelings were pacified by food and other words of affirmation, they found themselves nestled on the ground between their bed frames with their mattress and heaps of pillows and blankets surrounding them.
“We still have a few weeks in here, what do you want to do till then?” Portia asks as she stuffs another cookie down her throat. Nerissa lifts a leg up nonchalantly in the air before dramatically dropping it to Portia’s side of the bed.
“Well, I still have more episodes of season 6 to go, right?” She proposes, making Portia smile with excitement. Portia, then, scrambles to get her laptop and plop back down to their little nest.
“Ready to see my dad kick your dad’s ass?” Portia taunts as she hovers to play Episode 2 from where the left off.
“Yeah, as if…”
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Los Angeles, California.  9PM.
Adore sat in front of the mirror, already cinched and dressed, 30 minutes before she was supposed to go on. She had arrived at least an hour before call time, something she had picked up when her and Bianca used to go to gigs together. She rolls her eyes at the memory, mostly due to her annoyance with herself. She knew deep down that she should’ve moved on; it’s been years. But, can you really blame her? You never forget your greatest love and your most painful heartbreak; it was rare for both storylines to be the same person. Because, who in their right mind let’s their greatest love go? Adore did; Danny did. She lets out a few lip thrills to recompose herself and blinks away at the tears threatening to ruin her makeup.
Her phone rings; without looking at the contact, she answers it with a few sniffles.
“Hello?” Adore drawls while grabbing a tissue across the table and dab it slowly under her eyes and her nose.
“Adore, darling!” Ru’s voice rings loudly across the speakers. Adore can hear him talk to someone in the background, but their conversation couldn’t be heard from her end.
“Hi, Ru…” She tries to mask the surprise in her voice. She knew the RuPaul didn’t make social calls UNLESS it was a big social event. If there’s one reason, one reason at all, Ru could be calling it’s…
“Hey, baby, I just wanted to call you myself since this might be a big favor to ask you…”
–that.
“Of course, Mama, what is it?” Adore was barely listening at this point, trying to come up with excuses already.
“Well, would you be interested in joining the first all-stars: battle of the winners in place of Bianca?”
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