#i just love exploring all the more subjective life experiences i guess

[smreine]

I think I made it thru the moon's void-of-course without any business problems, so that's good. I have never known too much about astrology, but I'm interested in anything that humans have found useful for so long. Something like astrology goes back to ~200 bce, so there is something there that appeals to the human mind and seems to apply to a human life. I used to discount a lot of things identified as pseudoscience offhand, but realizing what a modern patriarchal project "science" is has made me feel open to new ideas with full humility. Beyond the skepticism, I want to be open to possibilities in the universe. I think being a hardcore science-minded atheist (which is much of the nerd culture i come from) misses out on the real magic of the emergent properties of complex human cognition. My kneejerk skeptic impression of contemporary Western astrology (which is I assume what I am looking at, mostly) is that it frames ups and downs in life as a normal thing, and urges humans to treat their lives as cyclical, seasonal, which many Americans really need. We're always on, working hard, burning out. Astrology suggests when it's time to do business, or not do business, times for harvest, times for fishing, times for family, times for inner work. Basing it on movement of orbiting planets creates natural-feeling intervals and encourages balance. We're an advanced social species and things we imagine can be "real" in regards to bodily impact. There are often observable chemical reactions to satisfy science. But I don't think we can observe everything possible? I've been thinking about dark matter a lot ever since my 12yo taught me about it (lol) and how we can theorize about it because it would explain the way planetary orbits work. We know something's going on there. It might be dark matter, which is said to be unable to interact with regular matter. For the duration of humanity, humans have had magic, and oracles, and we see *something* going on, even if we only theorize about the cause. Even if the charm of astrology and tarot and oracles and the like is simply that it urges the young to come seeking advice from the old, the experienced, to share life knowledge that is sorta broadly true rather than specifically prophetic--that's really useful and cool! So far, I've found it to be really fun to follow my curiosity about these thoughts! I'm not even seeking answers. I wouldn't expect to find any. I've always been fascinated by oracles and I do read tarot. Even at my most sciencey and rational, I read tarot. I found it useful as a time of introspection. Can my shuffling hands be subtly altered by, say, the position of the Moon relative to Venus to tell me something about myself? When I whisper to the bones before sending them rolling, is something changing their movement, or changing me? Or is it all just a good way to remind myself that everything acts and rests in seasons, and I should too?

[skvaderarts]

I bet Viktor's birthday gets overshadowed during the holidays every year, so hear's a fic about a time that didn't happen. Happy Birthday, Viktor!

Seasonally Affected: AO3 Link

Summary: Word Count 5K

Upon returning to the lab after a few days off for the holidays, Jayce realizes that Viktor never left and missed the festivities. Horrified by this revelation, he resolves to give him a taste of the holiday he spent alone for the sake of progressing their shared dream of bringing Hextech to the masses. And there's only one way he knows how to do that: A birthday celebration he'll never forget.

Set later the same year that they met, I thought it would be fun to explore a time when they were still figuring everything out and developing some of the bad and good habits they would carry with them over the years. This is actually my first Arcane fic so hello Jayvik community!

Seasonally Affected

Note: A quick thank you to Moss (WickedCrescent) on Bluesky for giving me the inspiration for this. I didn’t think my first-ever Arcane fanfic would be a Christmas/birthday one-shot, but here we are! Sorry it’s arriving after the holiday. Happy birthday, Viktor!

—

The roads that led to upper Piltover had glazed over days ago, ice and snow settling into the cobbled streets and blanketing every surface available with a sturdy coating of sparkling white. Everything was frosted over from the highest windows to the roofs at the lower edges of the district. A chill clung to the wind. Just cold enough to cause anyone who ventured outside to second guess their reasons for doing so, but not to stop them entirely.

Cold had been a touchy subject for Jayce for years now. Ever since that day in the snowy mountains with his mother, he’d quaked just that little bit harder in the face of winter’s grip. But, in that same breath, he acknowledged the formative effect that it had on his life. What it had nearly taken from him it had returned in different ways. 

The chill of cold air made his skin tingle all the more, but it also reminded him of the day he’d witnessed magic with his very own eyes. The day he’d received a tantalizing glimpse into the Arcane. The day an unknown stranger possessing power and gifts too vast for his mind to comprehend had materialized from the storm itself and whisked his mother and him to safety. Not a single word had been exchanged between them, and yet, he’d given the young boy everything. The rune that he now wore around his wrist serving as his compass, his life’s motivation and calling, and more recently, someone he dared call a friend. And a friend who shared that same passion for the potential good their shared dream could do.

He wouldn’t complain about the cold. Not now. Not when it had brought such warmth into his life.

Slipping through the front door of the main building to the campus, he was greeted with an array of holiday decorations. Brillant silvers and blues, reds and golds adorned the walls, windows, and even the ceiling as banners draped down from above and helped contribute a festive flare to the already ornate building. He had to be one of the only people there, especially at such a late hour. They’d officially closed the place to the public over the holiday, so people would start to filter back in during the next day or so. It was open to faculty, but few were taking up the opportunity to work over the holidays. 

Most people were at home with their friends and families, spending time with their loved ones. Opening gifts with their children and making treasured memories to look back on later. Something he’d just done himself, actually. But before he settled in for more holiday fun, there was something he needed to take care of. Something that had been bugging him ever since he’d left two days prior. He would grab a few things and then return home to run a few experiments in his downtime between the seasons' festivities. Nothing too illegal and certainly not dangerous. Then his mind could relax. 

Maybe. Probably not.

The office they currently shared was temporary. Renovations were underway to provide something more… reinforced for some of their more delicate experiments. So in the meantime, they’d been focusing on medium-scale projects and prototypes and getting their ideas down on paper. Having a concrete base to work with. Something that sounded dull on paper but they both genuinely enjoyed it. The room might be small, but it worked, and that was all that mattered for their purposes.

That being said, the building had a nice view of the city and the bay. Of the Undercity. The place where his office mate hailed from. The place that drove him towards their shared dream of progress and helping the downtrodden. A place so inhospitable to outsiders that he’d stuck out like a sore thumb the one time he’d ventured down there. They’d needed materials from there since his last trip, but he’d been talked out of going himself. His partner insisted he go instead. That he knew the place better. And he believed him but he just…

He hoped they could do something to help sooner rather than later. If the little taste of the place he’d received during his singular trip below was any inkling of the general quality of life down there, then it was a land rife with a need for the benefits of Hextech.

Everything seemed to keep pulling him in a thousand different directions, so many of which seemed to be headed way from what they hoped to accomplish together. He felt more popular than ever these days. Ever since the Distinguished Innovators Competition a few months back, they’d been inundated with requests for meetings and offers for deals of various sorts with seemingly every person who was of even marginal importance in Piltover. Well, Jayce had been, to be more specific. He’d observed that the general public was as eager to recognize the existence of his newfound partner as said partner was about speaking publicly again. Jayce had barely kept it together, but at least he’d been able to speak…

For all his strengths, he’d found Viktor’s one weakness. Public speaking.

They’d gotten a few words out of him, but they’d had to turn up the microphone initially to be able to hear him. The sudden volume adjustment had startled him more, stunning him for a moment before he’d shaken off the nerves and finished his portion of the speech. He’d then handed the microphone back to Jayce with grace and proceeded to conceal his eternal screaming for the rest of the presentation, something he’d done an admirable job at. From a distance, at least.

Jayce hoped that he’d be able to help him with that in the coming year. He was just better at explaining certain things than he was, and his contributions wouldn’t be ignored. Not if he had anything to say about it. He might’ve come up with the concept of Hextech, but it wouldn’t exist without both of them. They were its parents in a sense. Jayce had been stumped for a while before Viktor had come along, and he’d cracked it so fast. Almost as though it were something they’d been destined to create together. Something they needed to bring to fruition with their combined passion for innovation and prosperity. A sense of responsibility for others so tangible that they could not deny it. They had the answers within their grasp. Now they only needed to work out the details.

Approaching the door Jayce unlocked it and pushed it open. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light as he stepped in and closed the door, but as soon as they did, the first thing he noticed was the chalkboard. It spanned the back wall on one side of the room. The side of the room that had ended up being Viktor’s. 

It was full. Spiraling lines and complex diagrams. Algorithms and equations that would stump some of the greatest mathematicians of their time containing symbols both conventional and magical that would cause the average bystander to blank. Several sections were circled in different colors of chalk with lines denoting their importance. A few were linked together by rows of lines in an attempt to reconcile what importance they might have to the system as it stood as a whole. It was as intriguing to behold as it had to be time-consuming to work out.

It seemed that the same thing that had been keeping him up at night had been on Viktor’s mind, too.

Turning to face the built-in desk at the far side of the room, Jayce was greeted with a sight he half expected to see after being greeted by that chalkboard but still slightly hoped he wouldn’t. Viktor was slumped over the desk, still working something out and seemingly just out of it enough to have not noticed that he’d entered the room. Initially. He straightened up the instant that he started to make his way over to that side of the room, taking the arm he’d been sleeping on and using it to prop himself up before rubbing his face with both of his hands and then running them back through his hair, visibly trying to shake off his lack of sleep. He’d probably just dozed off not that long ago.

“Jayce. I didn’t notice you came in. Your holiday was pleasant, I presume?”

He certainly sounded like a man who’d been asleep at his desk, that was for certain. Slightly groggy but otherwise himself. Perhaps that was because he always seemed to be that way these days; costing on an insufficient amount of sleep. Wiling away the hours working on some new advancement. And it showed. The breakneck pace that Hextech was advancing at was something that no one person could ever hope to achieve alone. Not with any sense of realism. But together they’d made great progress. Jayce just couldn't hope but notice that a good portion of that progress came at the expense of his partner’s sleep. No matter how early he came in Viktor always beat him there. And he was starting to come to the sobering realization that was because he never went home.

Even over the holidays.

“It’s been great so far. You should swing by. I’m sure my mom would love to see you.” Jayce responded, not immediately leading into the elephant in the room. He would ask him about the equation later unless he went there first. But the offer was genuine, just like everything else about him. About both of them. He’d love to talk him into coming over and spending a little time away from it all, even if it was something they both loved so dearly. “You… haven’t been here the entire time, have you?”

He shrugged nonchalantly, adjusting his neck by tilting it from side to side. He blinked slowly, struggling to keep his eyes open. “There was so much to be done.”

It was the truth, plain and simple. And yet.

“It’s late. Maybe get some rest and come back tomorrow?” Jayce said with a pleasant air that disguised his growing concern for his friend’s lack of meaningful sleep. He leaned against the desk next to him, putting a supportive hand on his shoulder as he spoke just that little bit softer. “The deadline for the reports is still a while off. We have plenty of time. And I know that chair has to feel harder than the floor right about now.”

“It has for a while now, yes,” Viktor admitted, splitting his attention between trying to speak with him and trying to recall what he’d been working on before he’d dozed off. He wasn’t going to argue against that point. Sometimes it felt like he entered a sort of fugue state sometimes when he started crunching numbers. Time just stopped becoming a factor, even if he could feel the passage of time taking its toll nonetheless. He didn’t budge though. Didn’t move to stand. Didn’t even consider grabbing his cane and doing something about that. Continuing to play catch up with himself. On some subconscious level, they both knew he needed to walk away from this for a while and revisit it with a fresh mind, the the itch to keep going and ignore the consequences of pushing his upper limits was there. He was so close to figuring this out. Just a little more time… 

Something occurred to Jayce at that moment. Dawning on him out of the blue as he realized he was losing the battle he’d barely started to get Viktor to just go home for a few hours and get some rest.

“Wait… Isn’t your birthday tomorrow? I remember prying that out of you a while back. Right after the holiday, right?”

Probably something else about him that was overshadowed by something bigger.

Viktor stopped writing and looked up, a mixture of confusion with a twinge of annoyance on his face. He seemed to wonder where the question had suddenly come from but didn’t say as much, instead focusing on his work again. “What day is it?”

Jayce gave him a strange look. Had he really been here so long that he’d forgotten the date? Did he even know what day of the week it was? How long had he been there before the winter recess had even begun? “Um, the 28th. For a few more hours, at least.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize that. I think I’ve been sitting here a little longer than I expected.” He ran his palms down his face again, inhaling deeply at the sensation his tired eyelids felt as he did so. They tingled, bordering on sore. “The formulation still needs so much work…”

“It looks fantastic so far. And you can tell me all about it. First thing tomorrow.” 

Viktor sighed. He didn’t give him a yes or a no. Instead, he slowly pulled himself to his feet, grasping his cane as he let out a tired sigh. It wasn’t directed at Jayce. He genuinely just needed to sleep. Jayce was right about that. No matter how many times he stared at the blueprints he’d been working on they weren’t going to make more sense. He needed to reset. Then they could work on this together. Something to look forward to.

Little did Viktor know that Jayce wouldn’t actually be leaving. At least, not for long. Jayce had something in mind. He just needed him to leave first.

“Great, I’ll lock up behind you. What I came here for can wait a few more hours.” Jayce wasn’t a gifted liar by any means, but perhaps if he just remained calm that wouldn’t matter.

Nodding in agreement the pair headed to the door. Jayce waited for Viktor to grab his own coat, never having taken his own off before exiting the room and locking everything up behind them. They were probably the only ones here, and now the building would go quiet. Just for a little while.

Making their way down the floors that let out to the main street, Jayce resolved to walk Viktor home. He didn’t need to ask. It was just one of those things that his partner sometimes let him do. It wasn’t any hardship on his part. Viktor didn’t live far from the lab, and Jayce didn’t live far from him. On the same block, in fact. Call it convenience or happenstance, either explanation applied. And yet they never met up outside of office hours. Work-life balance was a fine art and they were both failing at it, it seemed.

They continued along together, chatting quietly more in an effort to stay awake than anything else. Although he was nowhere near the level of sleep-deprived that Viktor was, Jayce still had to admit to being a little tired himself. It had been a long but enjoyable day, and with what he had planned taken into consideration he got the impression that tomorrow would be another flavor of the same. He hoped.

It didn’t take them long to reach Viktor’s residence. Both of their personal residences resided within an area filled with lush green gardens and trees, the leaves of which were mostly gone save for a few evergreens. Typical of that region of Piltover, and yet so extravagant in comparison to some other parts of time if only for how established they were. How settled the whole place felt. It was quiet as the snow began to fall again, soon to cover their tracks. They needed to go their separate ways. The sun had already set and Jayce was running out of time.

“Goodnight, Jayce.” He’d beaten him to the punch this time around. Perhaps he was just too tired for a long goodbye. He hoped the walkover had drained him enough to make him go straight to bed and not sit up for another hour or two fiddling with something where he’d inevitably doze off in an uncomfortable position, but he’d done all he could for now. Viktor could take care of himself. He just hoped he chose to this time around instead of pushing himself too hard. A bad habit they both shared.

Goodnight, Viktor.” He didn’t know why they lingered there after saying their goodbyes, but they did. Even if only for a minute standing several yards apart at different elevations all together, Jayce on the street level and Viktor above him in a rare case of being taller than him. It was the front stoop doing all the legwork, but still. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had to look up at his shorter companion.

The tired man gave him a small, tired smile accompanied by a single wave before going through the door and closing it behind himself. It clicked behind him and then everything was silent again, save for a gust of wind through the trees that settled as soon as it started. Jayce stood there for a moment, contemplating his next move as he gripped his coat just a little tighter. He would walk to the end of the street, just in case. And then he would go from there.

His first stop as soon as he left Viktor’s potential line of sight was the markets. What few were still open would suffice. For what he had planned he didn’t need to be anything complicated-

Yes, it did.

Jayce wasn’t a man to do things by half measures, at least not intentionally. He liked to think so, anyway. And this was something it shouldn’t be hard to get right. At least on paper. He didn’t know how Viktor would react to being surprised since he’d never attempted to surprise him before, but he hoped he liked it. He really did.

As always, shopping for anything during the holidays took twice as long as he assumed it would, but the hardest part was getting everything back to the lab without his arms giving up the ghost. He resolved to make two trips; one for decorations and one to find something, anything to give him that he might like. 

“But what could that even be” He wondered to himself as he looked around, hoping that something might catch his eye at one of the last stalls that were still open at such an advanced hour. And surprisingly enough, something managed to.

A diminutive little cactus. 

It was a prickly little thing, indelicate but with an undeniable sense of interest and nuance. Ever so slightly lopsided, perhaps a result of unideal growing conditions that had rendered it undesirable to others who might have picked it. Nothing that couldn’t be helped along a better path if given a chance. Still a unique and beautiful thing, especially if someone was willing to put in the work to nurture it a little. And yet somehow still blooming in the dead of winter. At night, no less. 

It reminded him of someone.

It was perfect.

Jayce returned to the office, just a little too excited before remembering that he still had to decorate. House Talis red and gold were too festive to pass up for something like this. He didn’t even think about it at the time. He just picked the colors and went from there. And as the first and second hours flew by and in a haze of movement he gradually slowed down. The need to sleep, even if only for a little while, became too powerful to ignore. All the hard parts were done. He’d tackled them first. He just had a handful of little touches to add here and there and it would be as close to perfect as it could be given what he had on hand.

Opting to take a break for a little while, he sat down in his own chair at the desk opposite to Viktor’s and before long he dozed off. When he awoke he immediately noticed the passage of time. It was faint, but he could see the morning light reflecting off the waters of the bay, far off in the distance. It had been a few hours at least. He had a few things to see to before the sun reached any higher in the sky.

Dragging himself to his feet he opted to fix something to drink. It was cold out still. The perfect weather for Sweetmilk. He knew his friend loved the stuff, so he made sure to top off the supplies required to make it wherever it dwindled. Now if he could just remember how much sugar he was supposed to put in it. Was it two scoops? Two scoops. Surely. That was something he would normally remember, but it seemed that his inadequate sleeping hours had put him in something of a haze. He’d shake it off eventually. He had a long day ahead of him.

With the drinks prepared but still too hot to drink, he sat both mugs down on the desk and then sat down himself, right where he’d been a few short minutes earlier.

Perhaps he could rest his eyes for a few more minutes. And maybe a few dozen more after that. Dawn had barely broken, after all. There was no way that-

Suddenly the click of something beyond the door became perceptible. It was faint, but he knew that sound anywhere. As if the essence of one of the crystals they’d been working on had been suffused into his very veins, he found himself wide awake. He sidestepped the chair as he stood to avoid getting tangled in it before going to adjust the lights. Well, to light a few additional candles that he’d procured to make the room less dark on such a gloomy day, but the point still stood.

Moments later the door unlocked and Viktor entered their shared space, immediately doing a noticeable doubletake at the state of the lab. From the ceiling above them to the surface of their long, shared desk, no surface had been left untouched. Jayce had evidently found notable satisfaction in placing things here and there to spruce up the place. But the most notable feature by far was the tree he’d taken the time to set up.

It was taller than Jayce was, something that had made maneuvering it into place something of a challenge, but when had he ever backed down from one of those anyway?

Viktor walked around the space silently taking in everything, his expression hard to read. He seemed genuinely baffled that his companion had gone to such lengths. What had possessed him to do such a thing so suddenly?

“Jayce where did the tree-”

“Surprise!” He interrupted, approaching him and handing him one of the two mugs he’d prepared as the shorter of the two shrugged out of this winter coat, draping it over the back of his chair. He turned around, a certain glimmer of curiosity in his eyes. Or perhaps it was the decorations. Who was to say? He didn’t look annoyed or dissatisfied, and that was a good start as far as Jayce was concerned.

“Happy birthday! I figured since you missed all the celebrations by being here we couldn’t miss today, too.”

Viktor stared at him incredulously, accepting the mug. The warmth was pleasant to his cold hands in the same way that the warmth of the room itself was pleasant to behold. Or perhaps that was an effect of standing near Jayce. He did exude a certain comforting warmth. Like a walking blanket.

“It’s not a big deal, Jayce. You didn’t have to go to such trouble.”

“I know you think that, but I thought,” He wasn’t sure quite how to express what was on his mind, so he decided to just spit it out. “I feel like our lives have changed so much in the last couple of months. That we’ve really gotten to know each other. We both work so hard on our shared dream- you especially lately. I just wanted to make sure you knew I didn’t forget about you despite everything else that’s been taking up our time.”

Viktor tilted his head slightly to one side. It was barely perceptible, just like the humbled little smile that crossed his face before he decided to indulge in his drink. Once he was done, he looked up again, as amused as he was oddly touched by the gesture. Never once in a million years had he expected someone to do something this kind for him. This thoughtful. Jayce was something special. Truly.

Setting his now empty mug down, Jayce walked over with a small box, offering to hold the cup for his lab partner as he regarded the bow with a look of disbelief. He looked like it was the first time he’d ever been given. Maybe it was. “I don’t know if they bother with this sort of thing where you’re from, but still. Maybe we can make it our yearly tradition?” 

If not somewhat reluctantly, he took the box, lifting the decorated lid and beholding the tiny potted plant within. It was a showy thing, the kind of box that opened on all four sides when you removed the lid, falling open in his hand. A sparkle of something so pure in his eyes that it rendered him breathless for an instant. It reminded Jayce of the night they’d had their breakthrough with Hextech, the two of them drifting joyfully among their possibilities that were not fathomable when the two of them faced them together. 

He’d picked the right gift. He could tell.

Stepping away to set the delicate little thing down in front of the window that sat at the heart of their space, Viktor then retreated to his coat and seemed to search for something before withdrawing the scarf that he’d worn over that day. A new one, by the looks of it. Or, at least one Jayce had never seen before. He leaned his cane against the desk for a moment and then folded the garment carefully before extending his hand to Jayce.

“Here. Maybe your neck won’t be as cold.” He said, gently placing the now folded garment into Jayce’s hand. Jayce, understandably, was surprised by the gesture. He’d seemed to like that scarf quite a bit and it was very nicely made. Knitted delicately in shades that matched both of their clothing due to their propensity to wear matching colors. It was such a rarity that Viktor bought new things for himself like this… 

“Viktor I-” He started to protest but then thought better of himself. Why had he ever thought that this would be a one-sided exchange? That wasn’t how it worked with Viktor and it never would be. Returning kindness with kindness was simply who they were. It was why they were here. What brought them together and kept them close. “Thank you, Viktor.”

Nodding, Viktor’s eyes had drifted over towards the end of his own desk, noticing for the first time that Jayce had seemingly brought them breakfast. Lunch? Food. The name of the meal didn’t matter when you worked hours this atypical. But the sentiment did and he appreciated the gesture. “Thank you, Jayce.”

He tried to shrug it off as being no big deal but the flush in his face and the pleased look on his face told on him more than he realized. A look that was replaced a moment later by a yawn. Perhaps drinking a hot drink in a cozy room on a snowy day was not a good way to stay awake, after all. He blinked, his eyes watering slightly as he tried to play off his tiredness despite the rate at which it was catching up with him. Maybe it was time to sit down for a moment and just rest. Something that he did without giving it much thought.

“Eh. Maybe you should get some sleep?” He looked almost too happy to have the chance to throw that one back at him so soon. Still, the statement was genuine and held truth. They were like the sun and the moon fighting the tide. Two forces forever in flux but balanced all the same. They’d get back on the same schedule with one another. Eventually. “I have plenty to do to keep myself busy.”

The taller of the two shook his head and settled into his desk chair, leaning his arm against the desk and his head against his arm. He closed his eyes and let out a yawn, nodding. “I need maybe thirty minutes and then I’ll be right with you.”

Viktor didn’t confirm or disapprove of his request in any way. He would let thirty minutes turn into sixty and then sixty into one hundred and twenty with no intention of waking him from his slumber. Maybe they both needed more sleep while they could get it.

He would let him sleep in. He’d more than earned it through sentimentality alone. Maybe by then Viktor’s own work would make sense to him again.

Jayce never explained where all the scarves came from as the years passed, and the collection of strange cactuses and succulents that seemed to gradually spring up from nowhere grew ever larger in what little window space they had at the lab until one day Viktor finally took them home with him; only to come back the next day and find a new one on his desk with no explanation. A leafy green thing with thick spines and colored tips. Hardy and resilient but never lacking in beauty. Jayce was sure he’d seen him smile as he held the pot up, placing it in the window where it stood the best chance of survival. 

That thing never managed to die. 

He had such a way with plants.

Maybe one of these days he’d get him to come over for the holidays, after all.

—

Well, THIS got tooth rottingly sentimental, didn’t it lol? I really hope it was decent. I’ve never written anything Arcane-related before so phew! Writing dialogue between these two is a fun challenge. I have more in store since I keep receiving requests. I have two AUs that I’m cooking up, so check out my Tumblr and my Bluesky if you want more in-depth info on that. The links are in my bio. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this! Let me know if it was any good. You have a great holiday season, everyone! Thanks again for reading! Have a great day.

[lasiocampa--quercus]

For all those stuck in 2019...

I have been very reluctant to share any art / writing for — oof, five years. First because it was plain awful, then because it was not good enough. It still isn't, but as the years passed I got increasingly lonely on other social media, so this is my last resort. After I've failed smashingly here, well, I guess I'll just have to stop trying altogether.

Anyway, a first time for everything. So here's one for you.

[Detail. Scroll down (I mean to say, read the whole post) to see the full artwork]

We don't choose what we love, now, do we?

For five years I've been desperately in love with the idea of putting two brilliant characters — Eggsy from Kingsman (2015, 2017) and David from Bodyguard (2018) — into the context where they could meaningfully interact and explore one another's worlds. Such a context has been established (it is not the subject of the current post but I'd be willing to tell all about it later), resulting in their taking a shine to each other almost immediately. For Eggsy this acquaintance was something excitingly in between the two class extremes he was most accustomed to, sabotaging his life-long distaste for having anything to do with coppers. For David it was a breath of fresh air. He'd been two years well into therapy after the events covered in the series, and he was still struggling to get back on track when he met Eggsy, arch and lively, and at the same time so dashingly insightful as he was. Somehow it felt like they'd known each other for years as they talked throughout afternoons and after-work hours over a pint of lager somewhere in North London. David, usually rather inhibited, smiled and laughed at Eggsy's jokes, charmed by his candour and straightforwardness, taken aback by his astute remarks often delivered in a childlike unassuming manner. To be sure, he'd never met anyone quite like him. The prospect of friendship was an enticing one despite all their differences and despite the pressures of their jobs. While at first one was suspicious of the other's occupation (David, of course, more suspicious than Eggsy, being inherently averse to secrecy of any kind), they soon grew to respect the boundaries imposed by respective lines of duty (David was inclined to believe Eggsy's agency couldn't be that bad seeing as it employed such a brilliant lad). In effect, Eggsy trusted him more than he could ever trust any of his old mates and occasionally slipped into the conversation uncanny details of his field experiences. But best of all he liked exchanging ideas, relaying to David something that Harry had told — or taught — him, expounding on his reflections that were philosophical or even biblical in essence, although he couldn't ever say whom he unwittingly quoted. David would recognise a concept or two, but he never abashed him by mentioning the fellow's name. Over time the content of their communion had got more intimate, insomuch that Eggsy took to dedicating a huge chunk of time to moaning about his relationship with Harry which had gone on for quite a while after he split up with Tilde.

One such time, fuelled by a considerable amount of drinks, Eggsy set to illustrate the supposed reasons for Harry's recent aloofness. He clamorously hurled his jeerings and complaints at David, impinging on much-cherished privacy of the pub tables. Before it started to wear on virtually everybody in their proximity, David took his noisy, fairly plastered companion outside for a breather. The cool evening air didn't seem to have the desired effect of sobering him up a bit as Eggsy nearly blacked out after a brief (but crucial) exchange between himself and David. That occurrence prompted David to call a cab and take him to his place to recuperate. He reasoned it would not be wise to let him dart off home to Harry in such a flustered state, for it appeared as if the conflict between them was merely an ember, or rather, a heap of embers waiting to be stirred. From then on David's conduct was laced with strange acts of gracious benevolence, such as taking Eggsy's trainers off before laying him down, sleepy and a tad confused, on his sofa and leaving the keys to his flat for when he woke up and presumably wished to go home, with little trim notes strewn around telling about it, as well as where to look for aspirin if his head was giving him a hard time after the other night's drunken debauchery. At the time David didn't question his actions, although they clearly ran counter to his long-conditioned circumspection and, to a lesser extent, his vague views on male intimacy. If anything, the day when he, trying not to disturb Eggsy's healing sleep, snuck away for work he couldn't shake off a quaint feeling of invigoration which seemed to permeate his otherwise dull routine of desk duty. Later that day, confident that Eggsy had left, he got back to a startle in the form of his coyly looking, supper-serving friend with unkempt hair and a crumpled white T-shirt. Eggsy stayed not only to defer having to face Harry, but to show gratitude for David's kindness the best way he knew — by doing a kindness in return. He furnished their dinner table with a bottle of wine, promising to go easy on it and proposing a toast to David's general gemness. There they were, having another quiet night of good conversation, the homely setting and their tipsiness conducing to even more warmth and unrestraint, when Eggsy accidentally tipped over his half-emptied glass and stained his T-shirt. If one could ever be sure of such things, one would say that exact moment was the point of no return, the moment of truth. A simple, ordinary incident that tore down a facade with the light tinkle of glass as it touched the floor. From lighthearted jocularity Eggsy went on to unbosom his brooding insecurity. The change in his disposition was so thunderboltingly sudden it made David somewhat uncomfortable. It made Eggsy uncomfortable too. The only suitable course of action suggested they should comfort each other, so Eggsy placed his hand in David's. A bashful kiss ensued. Once it was reciprocated, little smiles creased their flushed faces. Both hardly had an opportunity to process what was happening, but it somehow felt ridiculously, madly right. And peaceful, too.

Well, now that all the heavy lifting is done by that snippet above we can sit back and (hopefully) enjoy this little picture depicting David and Eggsy decently progressed in their ‘comforting each other’. I must point out, however, that what you've just (hopefully) read is really only a summary, a squeeze if you will, of what transpired, produced specifically for purpose of acquainting you with the context. In actual fact the story is teeming with dialogue and detail which, with your kind permission, I would like to show you some other time.

[veterantrainerray]

Hello. My name is Ray Clayton, and my ten year old niece convinced me to try blogging for the benefit of trainers out there.

My experience encompasses pokemon care, battle tactics, training regimens and trainer coaching. Ran the Kanto League back in the day, took part in a few others. Decided the whole champion schtick ain’t for me, but the League life is.

I’ve worked with gym leaders, aspiring trainers, professors and even Elite Four members.

I am NOT qualified to offer input on medical matters beyond the dos and don’ts of training safely. I am not qualified to diagnose or assess injuries on any form of remote platform. See a veterinarian or other qualified professional for that.

My niece says yall can send me questions directly on here. I’ll answer all of ‘em I can.

I’m Mara, one of the ranch hands. Me ‘n my sister Maya help keep things runnin’. Takes a lotta grit and even more muscle to handle this kinda work! My partner is Alexander, a Nidoking. He’s the twin brother of my sister’s partner.

My name is Maya. I’m just about the one elegant thing about this dusty old backwater! Me and my Nidoqueen, Rose, do what we can to class up the place, but there’s only so much that can be done…

Already this blog has been the subject of a bit of toxicity. All I’m gonna say to you Negative Nancys is that I ain’t gonna give ya the time of day, and be sure to read and comprehend somethin’ before you mouth off about it. Odds are you’re criticizing an answer to a question you only imagined was being asked, when the answer was to the question that was actually asked.

Since folks want my Pokemon written here, here ya go:

Pyrite - Rhyperior, first partner. Protective.

Piezo - Magnezone, First wild-caught partner, retired from battling to pursue crisis response for fulfillment reasons.

Bruce - Emboar, adopted from being a pet. Loves battle for sport, hates violence otherwise.

Old Spooky - Dusclops, followed me home from Hoenn, older’n my grandpa, retired from battling

Wright - Yanmega, retired from battling due to injury

Gala - A shiny Hydrapple, was in a crate of apples and adopted. Currently undergoing battle training.

Nimbus - Dratini adopted in Paldea. Wants to learn Thunder.

Beethoven - Poliwag from a Kitakami river, gets along with everyone.

Slowking - Galarian variety. Helped get me on my feet shortly after catchin’. Name pending.

Aria - A Lapras wounded in Blueberry Academy’s Terarium, adopted at Director’s reccomendation. Really likes roasted Aspear berries.

Girafarig - Hatched from an egg Pyrite picked up somewhere in Paldea and guarded fiercely. Curious and energetic, name pending.

“Loyal” Three Trio - Undecided how to handle them. Caught them just to get them outta the locals’ hair. All three got attitude problems.

The ranch is also home to several Rhyhorn herds, a herd of Galarian Ponyta up north, and a gaggle of other wild Pokemon I ain’t gotten around to getting outta here yet.

//ooc time. So, this is a roleplay blog, in case you hadn’t guessed, regarding the goings-on on a fictional Rhyhorn ranch in the mountains between Galar and the Crown Tundra. A cold, dusty place, but it’s his, and that’s enough to be happy with it. Ray coaches Pokemon Trainers, particularly from the Galar League’s gyms, but anyone who comes recommended by an officially recognized League Association is welcomed. Maya and Mara are the twin ranch hands that help keep things running. As stated above, their text will be color coded. The short version of the point of setting things up this way is to be able to offer, in character, my own pointlessly varied pool of knowledge about things ranging from muscular biology to chemistry to best workout and training practices to animal behavior and, of course, around two decades now of playing Pokemon competitively. (in a casual fashion, anyway, my interest has always been exploring outside the meta to see what works that people aren’t doing yet.) In general, if it’s Ray speaking, it’s in the interest of helping anyone who wants it. Be that with worldbuilding, worldly wisdom, or fleshing out hypothetical Pokemon behaviors/medical practices. In short, I try to help fill any gaps to enrich the roleplay experience of others. If that isn’t welcome, politely decline either in or out of character. Both me and Ray will respect it and back away. I’m not looking to impose, after all. People who’ve followed the blog for a while may have seen some longer term RP collabs with others. Feel free to send DMs if your character needs a battle coach for some reason, even just as a passing thing. What I don’t have a taste for is stressful, needless drama. As in, I’d really rather not be drawn into petty or high-minded arguments or embroiled in some scandal by association or something.

[sarasade]

Claudia, Viren & The Very Real Parent-Child Dynamics of The Dragon Prince

Sometimes I wonder if I come across like I try to defend Claudia too much. That's not my intent at all. I just think she deserves more and better critique.

The Point I guess

Personally, I really connect with Claudia's brand of messy, unflattering and even pathetic rage and grief much more than the dignified and mature ways Callum and Ezran handle things (More on that later). Maybe this sounds unflattering but Claudia being also kind of an asshole really speaks to me. Like that's the kind of teenage girl I'm the most familiar with and we don't have enough media that has nuanced takes on this sort of troubled character. Exploring negative or even anti-social traits and impulses in fiction, especially in women, is kind of undervalued in my opinion. Those are part of humanity and therefore part of us and this impulse to completely reject them doesn't benefit anyone really.

Finally, some wholesome father-daughter relationship rep in media!

My way to view fantasy media is about how it can artistically portray something true to real life. That's why I'm the most invested in this kind of reading of the text. Fantasy media is often dismissed as mere escapism even by the fantasy fans themselves (*side eyes the dude bro Witcher fandom*) which ignores the emotional depths it can reach by approaching difficult subject matter more metaphorically.

Inject Viren & Claudia's Father-Daughter Dynamic Straight into My Veins

There is something viscerally real about Claudia and Viren's relationship. I've seen this kind of father-daughter dynamic play out in real life many times where the child gives and gives and gives yet the parent takes it all for granted until it's too late and the parent-child relationship is just a mangled corpse of its former self, way too damaged to ever be truly repaired.

Like if you've had a difficult relationship with your parents it can feel similar to how s4-5 Claudia struggles to keep Viren alive while Viren hesitates. The child is the one who tries to fix things in the relationship while the parent is in denial or completely oblivious. Viren doesn't really try to connect with Claudia further in s4-5. It almost seems like he's completely emotionally unprepared to have that conversation and oh boy if you know any boomer parents that's pretty damn realistic. He just sort of gives up and acts completely passive because he's so out of touch with his emotions.

There is also this aspect of your parent aging and then one day you realise that you, the child, are the one who has more power in the relationship. It's a universal experience. These are just some of the ways I can see Viren and Claudia's relationship in seasons 4 and 5 metaphorically portray real life parent-child dynamics. There is a lot of emotional truth to how TDP approaches these relationships even when the story itself is an over the top fantasy romp.

How much Viren relies on Claudia is revealed little by little: She got the unicorn horn for the spell that killed Avizandum, she got the dragon horn that helped them cross the lava to Xadia in s3. It's set up really subtly how there is almost this parentification of Claudia like she's the one who took her mother's place as the emotional center and caregiver of the family after Viren and Lissa divorced. It's a lot of pressure to put one a child to say the least. This extends to Soren and how he is treated as the scapegoat of the family when Claudia is the Golden Child. This sort of treatment of Claudia and Soren by Viren is probably the most common analysis of their family dynamic as far as I can tell.

You ever heard of the thing called "eldest daughter syndrome"?

Eventually Claudia's most admirable and positive traits get corrupted (insert here an analysis of the corruptive nature of the dark magic as a plot device). It's like this perversion of feminine nurturing instinct society values and enforces in girls. Claudia's love is not domesticated but something that's so all consuming it destroys everything in its way. In s 4 she insists Viren has to live. She does everything in her power to keep her family together even against the wishes of her loved ones; first it was healing Soren in and then it was bringing Viren back to life in s3. Claudia has fully internalised her role as the caregiver to the point of self-imposed victimhood.

All The Characters Have a Part to Play

Since TDP is meant for an all-age audience (And later for teens and up since they hiked up the age rating) all the younger characters Callum, Ezran, Rayla, Claudia and Soren collectively represent the kind of different and difficult feelings parental abandonment and neglect can cause. A real person most likely feels all of these emotions at some point of their life but in fiction they need to be spread out among different characters or the story wouldn't work as, well, a story.

"she was a mage girl committing warcrimes, he was an elf boy vibing in the woods, can I make it anymore obvious"

I'd gladly read some more critical takes on Claudia's character. There is something very interesting there about Claudia and Terry's relationship for example. Terry is clearly very enamored with Claudia whom he perceives as someone very vulnerable and in need of help. Terry isn't wrong exactly but it does get problematic when he goes to great lengths to protect Claudia to the detriment of his own wellbeing. While TDP itself doesn't draw attention to it there are also the racial and gendered elements, both implicit and explicit, because of Claudia's fantasy racism and because of Terry being a non-white trans boy character as well. Claudia is the most powerful dark mage in Xadia when Terry is just a normal guy. Given the context of the show there is a power imbalance there.

tHÖ END

Why I'm laying this all out is that I think the Internet would be a better place if people didn't try to constantly find an objective "right" way to view a piece of media but instead were somewhat transparent about what they personally got out of it. I think this Viravos meta is the most popular thing I've written so far and I tried to explain my approach in detail because I don't want people to go "look this person says Viravos is canon!". Jokes are fine of course but taking it too objectively ignores the fact that analysing subtext is valuable on its own.

Idk how to end this. Here, have this meme.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

The way substance abuse has been handled on the show thus far genuinely upsets me and reeks of writers who either 1.) don't understand the subject matter they're presenting and haven't done even the bare minimum to research it or, worse, 2.) simply don't care.

Apologies for the slight rant incoming, your comment about how it has been mostly "handled" off-screen got me going because that's 100% true and in that truth is such a missed opportunity for the show. The way it has been handled winds up feeling incredibly shallow and juvenile at the end of the day, especially for a piece of media that is attempting to present itself as "adult" and navigate multiple incredibly sensitive topics. I'll try not to get into my own personal experiences and will speak broadly, but the show uses substance abuse more as a cheap character flaw to poke fun at or something to magically handwave away when it is inconvenient, rather than the life-altering, debilitating illness that it is.

Nothing about Angel's use is ever meaningfully explored. It's so (apparently) unimportant to his arc and development that one rude comment from Husk (a character who ALSO has a problem with gambling and alcohol that is never addressed) is all it takes for him to suddenly "resist temptation" and be shown as "recovered" (unless I'm misremembering). Or was he suddenly going to counseling off-screen too and its just another thing that will be told to us rather than shown? And how does Charlie even handle that at the Hotel (I'd be really interested in this as a moment for her character to have to grow/change too)? Does she even understand substance abuse and the many unaddressed systemic factors that can influence it? Or is the entire recovery process just shame based (because that works so well /s) combined with some more corny trust exercises? Why is this incredibly serious topic relegated to the background as if it's unimportant?

Recovery is hard. It is emotional and exhausting. Withdrawal (depending on what you're coming off of) can sometimes mean excruciating, unimaginable pain and in some cases people literally die. It is not a funny "ha-ha I take drugs because I'm chaotic and wild" quirk to be adored or glorified and it definitely should not be presented as something that can be wrapped up in a month or two off-screen without any development whatsoever. That's just insulting.

When you approach a topic like substance abuse and recovery, I personally feel you need to take in all sides of it. All the missteps that come with it (two steps forward one step back - mistakes are expected and okay), the self-loathing, the guilt and shame, the joy, the sense of freedom, the loss, and the best part of all: the incredibly difficult but liberating journey that is rebuilding your life and learning to love yourself and your body again, once you've chosen to be free and to live life.

Mad props to anyone who has ever battled this disease. You are strong, you are worth it and you are valued. Lol I am so sorry for going off here but I so appreciate you calling out the lack of exploration on this topic in the show. I guess I didn't even realize how annoyed and upset it was making me feel (praying this is coherent...).

This was absolutely coherent don’t worry!! Im really glad to see other people talking about this. I myself have not struggled with drug addiction but I have struggled with other kinds and as someone that studies a bunch of medical junk, I’d say I’m decently knowledgeable.

I’m mainly going to focus on Angel for this since he’s the main character I write for, but I assure you other characters addictions are also handled in my rewrite.

During the actual canon show, we don’t see Angel actually abusing substances that often; there’s a few times, most notably in episode 4, but from the rest of the show onward we hardly see anything. Yes in episode 6 they mentioned relapsing, which, mind you, was done horribly, but I digress. They touch on relapsing; Angel relapses, and then… what..??? What happened from that? I don’t feel upset or second hand guilt of any kind from this scene because we haven’t seen Angel’s attempts to stay sobre and off drugs.

His name is fucking Angel Dust. You don’t, I dunno, think that’d entail a higher dependency on drugs? Why do you think he named himself that?

About his name before anything else, the show has so much potential later on to talk about Angel picking out his drag name and why he chose that specifically. So much potential to explore how he views drugs and himself. He sees them as an escape and something “fun” to take his mind off of his actual life. When you die in a fucking coma and wake up in hell as a spider you’re going to want an escape. You will want to ignore reality. I am fully convinced Angel picked his name once he started performing because thats what he needed at the time. He needs to be like that to survive in hell. Angel is an incredibly mentally ill, troubled, traumatised, and unstable person, and being surrounded by so much intense negative influence only amplifies his current problems. I don’t mean to drag Vox in here but in my last redesign post I mentioned how very mildly bad people can become even worse people in hell because of the environment and this is no different for Angel. He’s been surrounded by crime and drugs his entire life and unable to live comfortably because of his sexuality. He has very likely been struggling with substances since he was a teen. Possibly even younger. He is not going to suddenly get over his addiction because of something like this. It could pave the way to him looking into dealing with it, but things like this can take years. I don’t remember when my addiction started; I’ve been clean for 2 1/2 years now I think, but the amount of relapsing and anguish I experienced while working towards that isn’t something that can be done in a few days or months. I still struggle with feeling like I deserve to say I’m recovering.

I’m hoping they tactfully handle this as they should, but my hopes are low. It’s okay to show a character relapsing. It’s okay to show a character feeling guilty. What matters is that the struggle is there to signify they’re trying. For a character with a song called “Addict” you really don’t see much of it. Drug and alcohol addiction is not a silly thing to just twiddle your fingers with and be like “well I guess thats over!” It’s incredibly insensitive to do so.

Whenever I write about Angel’s struggles with addictions, I focus on how small they can feel until you realise what’s actually happening. Just me talking about my rewrite again, but to get my ideas out here: Angel smokes often. He smokes at the studio when he’s stressed, he smokes at the hotel when he’s stressed, he smokes at in alleyways when he’s bored, there’s almost no location he won’t, but sometimes he tries to smoke less. His lungs aren’t the same as humans and technically he has 2 pairs of lungs, but smoking causes him to cough. This is painful in general and especially painful for Angel since he has barbs going down the back of his throat. Imagine choking on sandpaper, kind of like that. It’s painful, he doesn’t like the sound, Fat Nuggets REALLY doesn’t like the sound, and it’s an overall inconvenience, so he tries to stop smoking as much. Periods like this usually go fine for him until the stress returns or he starts to feel the withdrawal. Withdrawal from any sort of addiction is terrible, and in Angel’s case, just from not smoking it worsens his mental state further. He becomes irritable and stressed and that stress leads to wanting to smoke again to calm down. He may resist a few times and those times should be praised, but he gives in eventually. One cigarette to calm down becomes two, then three, and before he can process himself getting carried away, the entire pack is gone. It’s things like this that make addiction horrible. It’s something that deeply scared me when I was struggling. When I was struggling I was still in the mindset of “I can stop when I want to” and then being so suddenly hit in the face with the realisation that I’m not longer in control of this is terrifying. I could not stop when I wanted to. There were even points where I didn’t want to stop. Even just getting the smallest glimpse of this in an incredibly serious manner with Angel Dust would surprise me. To think the bar is this low on a show that seemingly prides itself on tackling such sensitive topics like you said is appalling. Your show shouldn’t have to be told how to write itself.

[aphfanficwriters]

Every month we will pose a question and collate responses as a fun and informal little exercise in getting to know each other and spark discussion. This month's question is:

“Are there any recurring themes in your fics?”

Lacy: sadly no. I jump from genres and ideas too much to have a reoccurring theme in fics. Maybe if i really want to pinpoint one, i do realise my longer fics always made use of science experiments to push the events of the stories.

Tama / @delgumofics: 🤔 probably that evil goes unpunished. Bad people in my fics almost never see justice. Sometimes it's implied that they'll get their just desserts somewhere down the line but it's never anything I focus on while writing.

Wasps / @petiolata: Taboo relationships. Deception. Selfishness. Attachment issues, trauma, and mental illness. Family. Maybe these don't count as themes but are rather just subjects? For something more complex, I guess you could say there is no sense of right and wrong in my stories, or of justice or meaning. Sometimes characters' bad actions blow up in their face, other times they're deliciously rewarded. With most of my stories, the intention is more to voyeuristically view events and characters and take what you want from it. Sometimes I try to capture a feeling or experience but I'm not trying to make some grand point to anyone.

@chibidashie: As most of my writing is sugary sweet, it's that everyone deserves to be loved and that imagination can quite literally take you places you'd never expect to visit in your life! As the funny horse show says in the title, friendship really is magic!!

Emil / @connorsandroids: I don't have any simple 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

@billowingangel: So far no there isn't any recurring themes in my stories. Maybe eventually though it could end up being love knows no bounds or some other cheesy romantic shit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@proosh: I find myself trying to approach the question of "what is a nation, anyway?" and all of my conclusions are varying shades of -- most of the time fairly abstract -- horror and that's what I like to dig into from a conceptual and thematic standpoint. Besides that, the recurring motifs of blood being both life and death keep cropping up in my writing, commonly as an extension and extrapolation of the previous question. On a less esoteric level I frequently end up touching on the themes of freedom and duty, and the interplay of power and violence. All of these feed into one another and become inextricably linked on a narrative and thematic level. We have fun here at Prush Studios :)

ciel / @torontofetish: i tend to explore identity and specifically identity loss and transformation. agency and control are also big themes i play around with, and the intersection of agency and identity is my sweet spot. what i write often ends with heavy sacrifice and the complex emotions that sacrifice goes hand in hand with. i ask who this character is, what defines them, and then i strip it away brutally to see what they can become without that identity to hide behind. for obvious reasons, most of my work can be considered horror.

Eru / @eruverse: I wonder if i have any. Actually if i write original stories i DO have it, but prob not for hetalia

Didi / @teaedon: death (mortality), loneliness. sometimes the crossing of boundaries, other times the corruption of love (obsession). probably more, idk

Mossman: Sex

@netherzon: Love/Romance in my fanfics since they’re mostly ship focused, but I have branched out with some of my more recent fics exploring themes like family, good and evil and in between, and how grief affects people

Yukihitomi / @arthurhonda: Super late to this but often the themes in my writing are love and loss.

WhiteWings / @smuttyandabsurd: I want to say a recurring theme in mine is loneliness and the insatiable need for human connection, but the unadorned truth is it's blowjobs 🌚

[mrthology]

what's your opinion on blonde percy? i feel really torn about it bc i love black annabeth and totally respect rick riordan's decision to base the casting off of their vibe/personality, and walker really does embody percy so well. i support not subjecting the kids to hair dye especially if the series continues for like 10 years, but then... i guess i think of it as this chance to see it brought to life and it doesn't matter what they look like as long as they capture the characters well, BUT THEN.... i realize that it may mean that later on, percy will be more associated to having blonde hair and blue eyes than black hair and sea green eyes, it's already kind of happening where he's being portrayed like that in the fandom, and it just bothers me so much 😭 i don't know why i'm so stuck on this because even though the blonde hair, gray eyes look was as associated with annabeth, i think her being predominantly portrayed as black in the fandom will be amazing and fit her struggles and personality/growth well, but i can't stand the idea of black hair/sea green eyes percy being overtaken by a blonde hair, blue eyes version? especially given that that's jason's look. and it just... horribly clashes with the image of percy jackson in my head and how he's currently portrayed in the fandom as having that classic greek hero look and looking like a younger poseidon? i guess canon percy kind of also gives more leeway for poc!percy headcanons which i absolutely love, since people are just so quick to blame him and assume the worst which, imo, in the landscape the US is in, would not happen as much if he had the typical blonde hair blue eyes white boy look (then people would just find a way to constantly make excuses for him)

i know i'm overthinking it but i'm genuinely worried for canon percy's appearance to be a relic of the past that only us oldies will remember and in the future percy will only be known as blonde 😭

I honestly see the books and show as different entities, and know many others who do the same! They're in the same universe but separate things. Some people will enter the fandom through the show and only watch it, some will watch it and immediately read the books for more content, some will stick to the books only, mix it up, go headfirst into fanfiction, etc.

Fanfiction is transformative, and people will continue to create how they want, regardless of canonical depictions. Having an actor attached to Percy (and all the characters) will colour some people's vision of him. Still, even in visual-only media, people in fandoms will always take artistic licence to explore what they want, how they want it. It's one of my favourite things about fandom!

As for his portrayal in fandom, I've been in a few book fandoms that have had movie or show adaptations, and even in ones where the visual media adaptation is massively successful and influential to filmmaking as a whole, the book influence is still there! If I still read fics where Legolas has dark hair after how insanely influential the Jackson movies were, dark-haired Percy will endure.

Basically, I'm not worried. If people participate in the PJO fandom after being introduced through the show, they'll encounter dark-haired Percy fairly quickly. There's SO much fanfiction, fanart, and more for this fandom, going back to the mid-2000s. There may be more blond Percy depictions now, but that doesn't mean the book canon is gone or will disappear!

I also can't touch on the political landscape in the USA comfortably, as I'm not American. I'm as educated as possible, but I still can't speak from lived experience. I 100% see your point, and have seen more discussion on the subject, but aren't comfortable speaking on it myself

[animehouse-moe]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

You're all good! This is the first time I've been asked this. I'm usually terrible with favorites so I always feel like I don't pick the "best" in hindsight, but I'll try to be as accurate as possible. These will also be in no particular order since they all occupy such different areas.

(edit: I just realized in my incredible morning brain state that this said male or female, but I only read the female part haha. So this is just the female lineup, I guess).

Iwakura Lain - Serial Experiments Lain

Lain's a character that has, and will always remain enigmatic. Subjectivity and personal experience remain intertwined with works like Serial Experiments Lain, so what each individual takes away from it will change. Personally, what makes me love Lain is her desperation to communicate, to connect with the people around her. To make friends, to do fun things with them, to understand the people that comprise her life. But that desire spirals, she gets absorbed (like so many do) and becomes something else entirely. Fracturing and separating herself, spreading those instances across the internet in a desperate way to connect. For existing prior to essentially all forms of social media, it depicts the struggle and addiction that trouble countless people in freakishly accurate fashion.

Iwakura Mitsumi - Skip and Loafer

Had to put them next to each other on this list haha. Iwakura Mitsumi though. I don't hate the approach of a lot of Shojosei in terms of high school slice of life/romance, but I find much more to love with the more grounded ones than the more fantastical, just a personal preference. Anyways, Mitsumi. She's just the perfect representation of high school life. A dash of confidence, a good bit of deep seated anxiety, lots of stress over school and friends, but a positive and hopeful outlook in spite of her stumbling and struggles that's wonderfully accented by blossoming feelings of love. She just occupies a space that is very rare these days, so of course I love her.

Ryougi Shiki - The Garden of Sinners

Okay, hot take since (spoiler) Saber's not going to be on the list. I just haven "completed" Saber's story if that makes sense. I've read a lot, experienced a lot, but I haven't gotten 100% of it like I have with Shiki. That said, Shiki's story. I mean, as a character they're so damn hard to really capture. After all, there's more than one of them, and their story is told through the experiences of others. Shiki as a character, and The Garden of Sinners as a series, just holds a special place in my heart as Nasu's first real creative work that remains untethered by the requirements of a visual novel. If Nasu's work on the VNs is the base level, then The Garden of Sinners stands a cut above from start to finish.

Hatsuseno Alpha - Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou

A robot that is startlingly human, but surprisingly childlike. Alpha was is just the perfect vehicle to experience YKK through. Vast understanding and interest, but meaningful naivete and curiosity. She explores a world peacefully accepting its death, and is able to pull such beautiful moments from it. She doesn't struggle or bemoan the end, but rather takes it in stride and focuses on the beauty of humanity, how it's adapted, what's been lost and what's been created in its stead. It brings it all together under this character that is so deeply passionate about exploring life even under these circumstances, that you can't help but feel an indescribable warmth in her story.

Biwa - Heike Monogatari

Okay, maybe I'm cheating a little bit with Biwa here, but it's just a character that I think is incredibly beautiful. Witnessing the murder of her father, she's taken in by a clan doomed to death, where a man possesses a similar ability to Biwa. Together, she struggles to create the family she never had, all the while forced to come to terms with their deaths. She fights tooth and nail to keep them alive, but her attempts are futile. In the end, she is given her adoptive father's ability and completes what one might call the "cycle". Seeing life and death, the eternal struggle that will never change, she experiences her life, her family, her future and past to its fullest, and commits her life to telling the story of the Heike that she was so fond of. It's a beautiful story centered around Biwa's experiences, and her fear of death and not having a family, truly wonderful stuff. Also Aoi Yuuki kills it as Biwa.

Kusanagi Motoko - Ghost In The Shell

This was baby's first big kid series for me. I'd always watched anime here and there, but mostly things like Bleach/Naruto/DBZ. Ghost in The Shell was the first really big series I'd dip my toes into via those 4 minute YouTube videos at 480p. Kusanagi's nature as the bridge between technology and humanity is endlessly explored and just such a great idea, that through the countless (good) iterations, there's a wealth of her to experience. Undoubtedly an iconic series, and one that's certainly remembered very fondly by me.

Kirigoe Mima - Perfect Blue

Mima's an incredible character driven to the psychological breaking point. Under the scrutiny and pressure of being an idol, the facade begins to crack and what seeps out from the gaps is nothing short of incredible. Satoshi Kon remains a wizard in what he did with his works, and for me, Mima's character in Perfect Blue is the pinnacle of that. An implicit story of the stress and strain placed on idols (and the entertainment industry at large) by those that string them up and sell the souls of these girls, Perfect Blue and Mima remain in a realm of their own in a lot of ways.

Nozomi - Sonny Boy

Well as they say, the proof is in the pudding, and the pudding in this case is Nozomi's name. Translating from Japanese it means "wish" or "desire" in English, and is the personification of Nozomi's role in Sonny Boy. As close to a catalyst as one can be, she spurs on the wishes of the characters around her, providing the foundation for our main character Nagara to grow and develop. In the end, the desires of each individual can be connected to Nozomi, even in her death. She's arguably more central to the plot of Sonny Boy than Nagara, so of course I see her as a deeply special character.

Kamikoshi Sorawo - Otherside Picnic

A somewhat different pick to help round out the list. Sorawo Kamikoshi, and Otherside Picnic at large, are certainly things that I don't think most people would fall in love with. But I did. The vitriol that her character expresses, the toxicity and self hatred and destruction. Her character is a very damaging and "bad" one, but that's what I love about it. There's no grand scheme behind Sorawo's personality, or any ideal that her character chases. She follows the whims and curiosities of her life as she willingly casts herself into the abyss of the Otherside alongside Toriko, and along the way, she learns to slowly grow and improve as a person while maintaining her core personality.

Osaki Nana - Nana

The duality of Nana as a character is just so well done to me. A character with two sides isn't anything special, but I think the way that Yazawa approaches her as a character, and introduces those cracks in her façade and the struggle that they represent is just really, really good. It has me really desperate for Yazawa to return from hiatus and continue on with Nana.

And that's the list. I know I've left off characters like Tohru or other massively popular (and well written) leads and characters from shojosei series, but a lot of what I desire out of a character can't quite be found in a lot of what ends up popular and translated (and what I tend to remember) I feel. If you take a look at the list, for example, you'll find that the majority of my favorites are from older series, as well as ones that feature more "tragic" or "twisted" characters. Personally, I find a flower most beautiful after you've understood how it's wilted and withered before it fights to bloom once more. Endless blooms that grant an eternal summer are undeniably beautiful, but that beauty tends to lack context and in turn can become simplicity. So that's my list, as imperfect and everchanging as it is. If I'm asked once more in a year, it will probably look startlingly different, but that's how these things will go with me.

[arokel]

10 questions for 10 writers

thank you so much for the tag @strangethings-everywhere ! secretly I've always wanted to do one of these

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Way of life for sure; I'm basically never not thinking about it. I start to feel awful and purposeless if I go too long without writing at least something.

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

Clean completed manuscript, unfortunately. I wish I could be less persnickety about my first drafts but so far that hasn't happened. I do sometimes make extensive outlines though and those are always by hand, but they're usually pretty clean too :/ no scribbly scribbly for me

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

I've been writing since I was five years old and telling stories since I could talk, so I guess I'll say that when I was first reading chapter books I asked my parents why books always have a few blank pages at the end and they said it was so you had space to continue the story yourself if you wanted. They made it up on the spot and they don't remember saying it at all, but it's always stuck with me.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Listening to me sing, 100%. I post my barely-edited first drafts on ao3 all the time lmao. But I also feel like with a first draft it's easy to say hey this is a first draft, if there's stuff you don't like I'm happy to hear criticism! Whereas with singing, that's just your voice. You can practice the song but at some point whether they like it or not just comes down to something about you that you can't change. (Although I am a hashtag classically trained singer so my feelings of needing to live up to that might not be universal.) (Don't ask me to sing opera for you because I don't actually like opera.)

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

I think most of the perspective changes that have come out of stories have been from reading for me? Like the first time I was really exposed to the idea of transness was a Harry Potter fic (suck on that, JKR) and that obviously really stuck with me. But I think the desire to write from queer povs really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, maybe more than actually doing it. I guess writing narrative essays, which I do less frequently than straight up fiction, is usually a way for me to explore things I feel about myself and about the world.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 foreverrrrrrr. I was on ffn in my misspent youth and Very briefly on lj, but ao3 has been my home since 2014 and it would take a lot to get me to move.

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

646,046, and soon enough it'll jump another 100,000. Honestly not sure how I feel about that.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

I will never not love Tamora Pierce's Tortall series. I know they're kind of dated and don't hold up in some places, but they've been in my bloodstream so long that they're basically a part of my understanding of the world. They shaped so much of my ideas on literature - how to create compelling characters and relationships, what makes a world believable, what fantasy even is - and honestly I think they're responsible for about 50% of my sense of humor and at least a quarter of my relationship to gender. They were my first fandom and in the end I'll always come back to them.

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

One of my plays deals with a very difficult emotional subject and is quite frankly pretty depressing the whole way through, and after the premiere a friend of mine came up to me and said "it was so so funny; I was laughing the entire time." That's what I always want my writing to do, not so much in fic but out in the world - I want to give people catharsis, and I hope they leave the reading or viewing experience feeling a little better than they did going in. And also I want people to laugh at my jokes.

10. What defines your writing style?

Can I say inconsistency? No but really it's definitely dialogue. I struggle with descriptive prose sometimes, but I never have to work at dialogue. I think it's my strongest area and people always tell me it's snappy (thank you Tamora Pierce). Other than that uhh... too many commas probably.

tagging @violasmirabiles @fregata-magnificens @kjxlll @borealopelta @uwu-dowoon @teaforarteza @icegreyrose @shadowquill17 @ris-d-deridex and using my 10th tag for anyone else who wants to participate!

[lakesparkles]

(abuse tw for some of this)

awwwe glad I'm not bothering you!! my experience in the scott pilgrim fandom has been one of the worst... it's good to hear people talk about it. I could go on for hours

I'm sorry people are so terrible to you :(( some of those comments you got are really vile (especially the fatphobic and fetish-y ones about wlw)

and yeah. I definitely get what you mean about gideon and ramona. I'm a domestic abuse survivor (like. a real one. not fictional characters, real life!!!) and I found a lot of comfort in thinking about their story. understanding them helped me understand myself a little better so I could get the closure I needed and move on. maybe that's bad! maybe I was romanticizing! I very very rarely ship things, like, ever, and when I write scary things I do so with the intent of character exploration, not fluff. I was never squealing and kicking my feet back and forth on my bed about them, lol, I was thinking "why is gideon the way he is? why is ramona? how did they affect each other? how are they alike? how are they different?"

I don't actually like toxicity, I find it kinda boring, and I prefer tragedy when I want angst. but gideon and ramona drew me in because I had been through something horrific and I saw pieces of that in them. I wanted to understand what happened to me. and through writing and therapy and lots of time I got my closure, I moved on. maybe that's romanticization, idk. maybe we should just never think about anything bad or scary at all. I guess if it makes me a bad person, then I'm a bad person. I'll live!

as for scott, I can't stand him. maybe because of his fans and how many men I've met who are just like him, lol. the cutesy version from takes off didn't help (at least the comic version was more grounded and felt more like a person I could sympathize with)

much love,

-🦊

Yeeees I noticed this fandom was mean since the start but usually no one else talked about it 😔 like, did you see the times people on Twitter reposted Todd x Wallace art there just to say how much they hated the drawing??? (In the end, they just hated the ship and used this as an excuse to bully artists)

Everytime I posted on dailyrammy, I couldn't stop overthinking about "what will be the reason for hate comments this time??" Because I just knew it'd happen. The fatphobic ones were the comments that made me feel the worst... I surely like the way I draw Ramona, but the amount of hate because of this was too much to me.

Now, about Ramona and Gideon. I understand you so much! It was the exact same to me!! Being able to relate to Ramona in this situation made me feel so much better about my own experiences. Especially in the moments Ramona mentioned how being with Gideon made her feel like a bad person. This really changed me. I never felt comfortable talking about my own abusive relationship because in that moment I was the worst version of myself. And Ramona was just like me and talking about it and their relationship made me feel way better about myself.

But guess what? People would prefer if I only said "Gideon was abusive to Ramona, he sucks!!" And never mentioned this subject again. Maybe this way I would get head pets for telling the obvious. However, I decided to explore their thoughts and reasons - showing how awful you feel about yourself when this happens to you - and this was the same as romanticizing to some. They even started doubting my own experiences and used the abuse I suffered as a gotcha moment. As a "how don't you feel bad writing about something so dark when the same happened to you?? Doesn't it make you feel bad???"

And actually, no. It makes me feel less alone, in fact. If it wasn't for Ramona, I would still feel so ashamed to even talk about what happened to me. But okay, I guess. I'm bad because I like Gideon - a very cartoony villain, I should add.

Last thing about Scott, you're so right!! And the dudes that claim to be like him are most times so annoying.... I like comic Scott a little better, but nothing close to a favorite character.

[jmphysicsjournal]

hello dear human

i wanted to ask you about your experience studying physics at cambridge not being what you expected it to be, could you tell us a bit more why, was it maybe in terms of the type of subjects that uou dwelved into or maybe the balance between theoretical work and else ?

thank you a lot if you could respond, that means a lot, and have a good day !

Hi,

Thank you for your question. I did not study Physics at Cambridge but at a different uni in England! I hope my answer can still be helpful to you.

I believe every uni would structure their course a bit differently, hence offering varying learning experiences. 

My course was very well-structured and the content was up-to-date with the latest Physics research; lecturers provided us with well-written notes and every lecture was recorded for review at our convenience. We were told by the department to do at least 40 hours of work a week (adding up lectures, workshops, labs, and self-studies).

I expected myself to enjoy the course and to want to be in academia before I started uni. However, I soon came to the conclusion that academia is not for me, and I believe I would have made the same realisation regardless of which academic institution I was in. 

I guess that most people would share similar feelings of choosing to study a subject at a degree level for passion, then falling out of love with the subject once faced with the overwhelming amount of work and lab hours. It is the minority of people who still feel committed to researching at a PhD level and further after the reality check.

In sixth form, I loved reading about Physics in my free periods. What initially drew me to the subject were the popular science books by Michio Kaku and Carlo Rovelli, which offer interesting ways to look at the world around us, underpinned by mathematical equations. I always enjoyed the philosophical narrative Physics provides more than the maths behind it. 

At university, the focus shifted. I struggled to keep up with half of the content, and soon, my goal was simply to pass exams rather than understanding the content.

Ultimately, it all comes down to personal priorities and interests. I have several friends who are commencing PhDs in theoretical Physics this year, and they’ve sacrificed much of their social lives and hobbies for their studies. When asked what they’d do if they weren’t in Physics, they had no alternative answer. They just love Physics so much.

When I realised I did not want to do Physics anymore, I felt very lost, so I set out a plan to explore lots of different career options. I made roughly about 70 internship/job applications in total over the past 4 years, which occupied most of my free time. My uni life was not all and glamorous, but it was a necessary step for me to discover what path felt right.  Doing a Physics degree has also taught me a lot of transferable technical skills and improved my critical and logical thinking ability.

I hope you will have a fulfilling journey at your dream university! If you have any other uni/course-related questions, please feel free to ask.

[petorahs]

☀️ its fascinating that you say P3 has shaped your worldview because... Well not to trauma dump here but back then when I discovered the game (it was back then when p4 was already out) i was... In a REALLY bad place and wondering about unaliving myself. I wont go into much detail but kids are trash man and teens are even worse. and then this game came around. With an aesthetic I really liked. i am not a native english speaker so it was hard for me at first but somehow this game just... /spoke to me/. A game about life and death and what it means to be alive and what it means to have a REASON to live, somehow... Convinced me to go a bit longer. I mean it when I say this: Persona 3 saved my life. And no other game can ever come close to such an experience. (Even tho from a quality standpoint P5 certainly is up there)

oh dude that is so valid thank you for sharing this. seriously though, im happy that youre here! and im sure many others are too! the ☀️ brightening lives and all that :]

yea i can see why p3 just clicked with so many people since it first came out. i was always curious on why it's so beloved by fans, when p5 and even p4 are literally right there with their overall better gameplay experiences. p5 literally got the franchise mainstream to insane heights lol. im... so glad i got into persona the way i did. of course, everyone's experiences w these games are different and special to them in their own way.

i got into persona 3 as an adult and as a result the lens in which i viewed the story's themes were heightened, in a way. as a teen i just know i would have reacted more volatilely i struggle to think about it LOL but both experiences would still be pretty intense. it's just that, as an adult there's more room to digest it when im not troubled by algebra hw. i was just more equipped for it (also i played omori two summers ago LMAOO). ofc i only turned 20 a few weeks ago LOL but i get why p3 means so much to people.

because it's like... 2000s nostalgia coupled with a game that figuratively holds your hand through the uncertainty of death yknow? p3 is a friend, basically. its entire thesis is based upon companionship (exactly what i highlight in an analysis i have drafted somewhere but HHH i dont want this to get too long lmao)

in the shaping my worldviews thing... its really more like it cemented my 'philosophies' :] like i said, equipped with the stuff i learned before, p3 having the message that it did just... hit super close to home! like yeah! that's what i've been saying dude!! kindness really is enough!!

"You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life... Sometimes all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of."

LIKE YEA GIRL THATS EXACTLY IT!! its so cool! i actually admire people who grew up with p3 because man if i heard this line ages ago... well, again, idk if i would be able to grasp it fully at the time... but still! this is so good, poetry in motion. and like u said its aesthetics are gorgeous and aim to capture the essence of its themes - and it did.

im a p5 baby like bro i love p5. soft spot for it. thats the closest persona game i "grew up" with and it came at such an opportune time for me, being a teen stuck between a rock and a hard place. typical. and p5 validated my teenage angst bs so much. its so refreshing to see a game's theme being rebellion. that was me i thought. those characters are going through something that similarly happened to me. teenage rebellion is such a fun thing to explore!

so p5 validated my struggles while p3 did something deeper than that, somehow. i think it just made me .. stronger? like it made me move on from struggles. "by remembering death you learn how to live" so... i guess p3 taught me how to live as crazy as that sounds. but you get me

persona 5 overall is great -- everyone agrees, like its objectively just a better game. but persona 3 ends up more beloved because of its subjective value as a piece of art. there's a lot of heart and soul to put into it.

it's more simple when compared to p5 at first glance, but simple doesn't mean less. which is why more people experiencing it will be nice to see

[blackidyll]

4, 8, 13, and 32 for the writing meme pls! :DD

this is from the weird questions for writers list!

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? i like words that are kind of oddly spelled - hymn, myriad, idyll (hence my username). For a verb, coalesce.

but as for feral in a negative way? it's souvenir. i can never for my life spell it correctly, i always put in extra vowels. Spell check has to save me (as it just did!).

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? oooooo story without dialogue is probably easier because i already write so. much. exposition as it is. it'll be interesting to go without putting in any dialogue, but there are ways for characters to communicate or express themselves without active dialogue, so i can probably figure it out.

i write dialogue-only snippets when i'm outlining fics and I always get the urge to fill in the blanks with descriptions of actions and so on. a dialogue-only fic for me will not want to stay dialogue-only upon edits haha.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? haha! explicit sexual content! i can read it and plot it just fine, but when it comes to writing the minutiae of it i will combust. It's just easier for me to cut off/fade to black and leave the fic at a mature rating.

not necessarily easy, but i guess pining/longing/nostalgia? i've moved countries a lot when i was younger and it always feels like i'm missing someone or longing for something, and so when I write that kind of content it's easy for me to access my own feelings and channel that into my characters. It's a sort of bittersweetness where the sweetness is your feelings for the person/place/time but bitter because you're apart from whatever it is you're missing, and I like exploring that dichotomy.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you? @derpinathebrave asked the same question so i'll tackle a poem/novel example here and a fanfic one for them!

the last two lines of Clementine von Radics' poem, "Mouthful of Forevers" really stuck with me. I encountered this poem through a Sam/Lucifer SPN fic, How To Fall; the author included poems/excerpts from songs/prose at the beginning of every chapter. The fic has such a visceral depiction of Lucifer's motivations and this poem was just incredibly apt for that point of the fic, as well as being a beautiful work in its own right. Here is the last stanza of the poem:

I know sometimes It's still hard to let me see you In all your cracked perfection, But please know: Whether it's the days you burn More brilliant than the sun Or the nights you collapse into my lap Your body broken into a thousand questions. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.

A line from a novel - definitely this one from Robin Hobb's Realm of the Elderlings series: the Fool's "And I set no limits on that love." It's a recurring line in the series (iirc) as the Fool tries to explain his love to Fitz, and Fitz constantly struggles with understanding/coming to terms with it. I think us fans tend to have mixed feelings about how the Fool and Fitz's relationship is depicted in the series, but that passage where Fitz skill-links with the Fool and experiences the Fool's love for him is just so profound. The Fool's love defies boundaries - it is not romantic or sexual or even platonic, it just is. He loves Fitz, and his love is limitless. I remember reading this book in high school and finding out a friend read it too, and the first thing we both said to each other? "I set no limits on that love." Even though there were (at the time) nine whole books in the series, out of thousands of other lines this one resonated with us the most.

That entire passage is just incredible so I'm gonna stick it under this read more.

"Would you have more than this?" The Fool's voice was less than a whisper. I discerned a challenge in his words, but could not understand it.

"Yes, please. Try," I bade him.

Beside me at the table, I was aware of the Fool making some small movement but my vision was unfocused on the room and I had no warning of his intentions until his hand settled on my wrist. His fingertips unerringly found their own faded gray fingerprints, left on my flesh so many years ago. His touch was gentle, but the sensation was an arrow in my heart. I physically spasmed, a speared fish, and then froze. The Fool ran through my veins, hot as liquor, cold as ice. For a flashing instant, we shared physical awareness. The intensity of it went beyond any joining I'd ever experienced. It was more intimate than a kiss and deeper than a knife thrust, beyond a Skill-link and beyond sexual coupling, even beyond my Wit-bond with Nighteyes. It was not a sharing, it was a becoming. Neither pain nor pleasure could encompass it. Worse, I felt myself turning and opening to it, as if it were my lover's mouth upon mine, yet I did not know if I would devour or be devoured. In another heartbeat, we would be one another, know one another more perfectly than two separate beings ever should.

[…]

Just as I opened my eyes, the Fool's thought uncurled in my mind like a leaf opening to sunlight.

And I set no limits on that love.

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

15 tags 15 mutuals! 💜💜💜

Tagged by: @bloodlessheirbyjacques and @pinespittinink thank you!

Tagging: @jezifster @mjjune @italiangothicwriteblr @rose-bookblood @memento-morri-writes and anyone else who wants in!

Answer these questions either with yourself or an OC. Imma do myself and Princess Sapphire because i want to.

Me~

Are you named after anyone? No joke, my mom named me after her favorite book character. She named one of my sisters after another favorite book character of hers too.

When was the last time you cried? I watched Dead Poets Society for the first time recently and HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME I BAWLED MY EYES OUT and THAT ENDING NOBODY TOUCH MEEEE IT WAS WAS SO SAD

Do you have kids? Nope, and I don't plan to. Imma live my best life as the cool witchy and single wine aunt

Do you use sarcasm? What? No.... I would never..... :)

What's the first thing you notice about people? How they stand and how they speak. I can tell a lot of things about them just based on that, including whether or not they're a fellow neurodivergent

What's your eye color? Blue <3

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, I CANNOT do horror it scares the shit out of me. (spooky is cool, but actual horror and jumpscares is too far)

Any special talents? Does my obsession with history count? I do paint but it's more of a hobby and I'm not trying to get good at it

Where were you born? In the cult ridden hell that is Utah :P

What are your hobbies? Writing, obviously. But I also read, paint, and watch movies.

Have you any pets? Two dogs! I have a little maltese mutt who's six years old and a crumuginy old man, and a three year old goldendoole puppy who is the biggest turdler (toddlerxturd) there ever was. We also have a rabbit in our backyard but he belongs to my sister and she's the one who takes care of him.

What sports do you play/have played? HAHAHAHA No. Sports and I have never gotten along. Let's just say that the scenes of Mia in PE class in the movie Princess Diaries sums up my experience with sports perfectly.

How tall are you? 5'4''... Being short runs in my family, you should see my grandma, she's been a whole head shorter than me for a long time

Favorite subject in school? ENGLIGH AND ART BABY! But history also has a special place in my heart

Dream job? Full-time author and part-time party princess

Princess Sapphire~

Are you named after anyone? Nope, I'm the first in my line with my name!

When was the last time you cried? ... When I was like six I think? Father wouldn't let me ride the horses cause they were "too dangerous", but now I ride one all the time and ITS HARDDD.

Do you have kids? No... *looks at Raven* but maybe one day... if I met the right person...

Do you use sarcasm? Who me? Neverrrr ;)

What's the first thing you notice about people? The way they talk. It says a lot about how they act and who they are inside.

What's your eye color? Sapphire blue, in case you haven't guessed, that's where I get my name from.

Scary movies stories or happy endings? Happy endings are boring, gimme the good stuff, I'll take scary stories!

Any special talents? I can run really fast

Where were you born? In castle of Greyvenhill <3

What are your hobbies? Adventuring! anything that involves going outside and exploring.

Have you any pets? No but I would love to have one. Does Raven's horse Dante count?

What sports do you play/have played? Running and Dancing

How tall are you? 5'5''... I'm not that short!

Favorite subject in school?

Dream job? A pirate or cartographer <333

[plusvanity]

1,2,14 and 50? for the existential/late night train questions

1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?

I love casual intimacy, the small ‘apparently’ insignificant gestures that hold so much meaning if a special person does it to you.

Passion definitely. I love seeing and experimenting things that result from passion. Art and music especially but in the large sense, it can be anything man-made that has a story, a concept and an idea that just manifests into something.

I crave exclusivity. I’m not a ‘people person’ as I can’t stand people around me most of the time. If I have one single person who I can interact with (online/ in real life) I consider them my friend and I don’t need more social interaction lol.

2. What kind of emotions do the stars evoke for you, if any? The ocean, the sky, the moon?

None of these themes evoke much as I don’t get to be that ‘abstract’ in daydreaming but I love the ocean in paintings and photography, especially the gray, gloomy, stormy and abyssal visuals of the ocean. It could be a ‘cosmic horror’ kind of thingy?? maybe, but it makes me feel abandoned and lost, which in my brain loves for edgy reasons, haha.

14. What are you worried about right now, if anything?

My worries right now are the worries I have all the time. Intrusive thoughts and s*****e ideations. I don’t really have the ‘day by day’ worries as the things around me are good, it’s me that isn’t.

50. What qualities do you find charming? 

Intelligence. Lol, this is so fucking pompous but it’s true. I’m a very ‘going down the rabbit hole’ kind of person about various subjects and matters. That’s why I love debating and exploring from different perspectives and points of view lots of shits. The thing is that you need someone who’s got the package of information and analytical brains to have a conversation back and forth instead of you presenting stuff as in a TED TALK show.

I also like when someone doesn’t throw a freakin’ tantrum for not sharing the same beliefs and point of view. I had met too many people so child-like but in the worst possible ways. So, a bit of objectivity and the ability not to just jump into abrupt conclusions?? maybe

Humor, definitely. I’m not funny, at least I don’t consider myself funny soo… yeah, feel free to make me crack with a stupid joke or remark, I fancy that in a person.

…And some common interests, ofc, who doesn’t like to happily waffle for hours about your manic hyper-fixations?? Flicks, series, anime, music, artists, philosophy, psychology, rock history/culture, drugs, fashion history, art, fuckin’ guitar (I’d bore anyone out of their minds if they give me free go to ramble about guitars. man)

Yeah, I fancy that, that's charming I guess.

Sorry for my bad English btw.