#i just looked at my phone after 20 mins of chilling and saw all these messages and my heart LEAPT

[softandsourcream]

Stop, you’re losing me~ - one

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Summary: The last time you saw Yoongi wasn't one of your fondest memories. And actually, you thought that after ten years you no longer had any more tears to shed for that memory, for that situation, for him.

What was the problem with meeting him again at his brother's wedding, right?

Right?

pairing: idol! yoongi x vet!f reader.

Words: 9k

genre(s): angst, hurt- comfort, slow burn, fluff, smut (+18) (not this one tho)

au(s): childhood friends - to lovers, idol yoongi, normal vet reader, entertainment industry, denial and resentment.

warnings: curse words, family drama, grief, loss of loved ones, panic/anxiety attacks, damaged mental health, a LOT of struggling. Yoongi is here to help tho♡.

author’s note: just wanna let you all now that I’m so exited that this is out now! Hope you enjoy it and if you have any suggestion just let me know! I don’t bite 🐇. Also, English it’s not my fist language, so please be patient with this dumbass

~

IMPORTANT: this fic contains a lot of sensitive topics touched upon explicitly. Please, if any of the tags trigger something in you, stop reading. You’re more important, and there is much more content you can consume here. Take care please! ♡

enjoy!

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“Where are you?”

“Outside.” In fact, he had gotten out of the car a second ago, and he wasn't going to answer, but he didn't know where they were either; the place was exaggeratedly large.

“Get in here then, you're late.”

“I’m at the entrance... where are you?” His voice breathless, he ran a lot in less than 20 minutes.

“Your brother is about to faint, so you’re going to see us easily. The first row.”

Yoongi hung up the phone, and sure enough, it wasn't difficult for him to find his family right at the end of the place. His brother looked around restlessly, probably looking for him or his fiancée, because he knew he was late, but he didn't seem to have started yet either.

His father, on the other hand, observed his brother's concern with the empty gaze he had always had from his seat, blinking slowly without saying much. He smiled a little at the scene (also a little relieved to finally be there) and started walking quickly, straight there, without looking at anyone else.

He greeted some of his aunts from afar, bowed to others he didn't know but greeted him, and ended up meeting his brother's eyes, almost finishing his journey. The concern on his face changed to one of anger, and he approached him as if suddenly he wasn't about to get married and be responsible for a family. His posture was the same as when they played as children, and his mother had to separate them for a toy.

It gave him chills.

“Hel-“

“Where the fuck were you.”

Yoongi frowned exaggeratedly at the bad word, looking at his father, who was watching everything in the same exact spot with the exact same cold and calm eyes.

“You’re not going to say anything to him?”

He didn’t respond, and Yoongi chuckled when his brother insulted him again.

“Calm down, if mom hears you, she-“

“You’re half an hour late, Min.” Finally, his father, mad. He can tell just by his voice. Yoongi shrank from the scolding and grimaced, looking at his brother.

“I’m sorry.” One. Sooner than he expected “They didn’t let me go sooner.” Greum-Jae didn't even seem interested in hearing an excuse; Yoongi had never seen him so angry before. But he still dared to continue speaking. “I get you’re mad, and I’m sorry, but don’t be mad with me right now. This is your day, we can fight later, and I’m here. I’m really sorry, for real, it wasn't my intention to ruin this for you.”

“Now it’s my job to be calm?” Jae fled from his touch. “To ignore your mistakes? You literally have one job.”

“I know I- I don’t have any other excuse, okay? I’m really sorry.”

Two.

It was subtle, but after a moment, his gaze softened, and so did his body, which was the most noticeable. Jae hugged him, and Yoongi smiled sadly, because he did feel bad, but, of course, it wasn’t the time to show it.

“You’re lucky she’s late too, and that I’m in a good mood right now.” He knows. “Missed you…”

“Me too.” His smell, his hugs, his voice. His home. He missed. “You are in a good mood, though? You look like you're about to throw up.”

He hit his shoulder, breaking the hug and getting closer to his father. Yoongi says hi to him without receiving a response, of course. He looked older and tired, which made him think about how long he had not set foot in that city. He squeezed his fist, unsettled. “I’m nervous; of course I look like that.”

Yoongi was going to ask why, genuinely interested, because he didn't understand why he should be nervous. He wasn't supposed to do anything more than 'yes, I do' and be with the person he loves most for the rest of his life. He also understood that, from the context, Yoongi would never understand it, and he didn't feel like doing it either. Also, he shouldn't be that direct, so he swallowed his question and leaned with both hands on the empty chair next to his father, placing all his weight on his arms.

He wanted to ignore the fact that he felt watched. There were a lot of people there. He hadn't taken a look to see how much he knew and how much he didn't, that was an activity he would leave for when they were dancing and there was less light. Right now he knew that everyone was looking at him, and he didn't like it because, although it was a family and private event, he couldn't completely ignore it. Photos of him would still come to light. It was, in fact, one of the discussions he had with the company days before.

“Your brother doesn't want to hear you, but I do. What is more important than your brother’s wedding now?”

Shit.

Jae was now talking to someone who came to tell him news about Eun, and he had walked away. He could only hear the echo of people talking, laughing, and happiness. Yoongi didn't want to have that conversation right now.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“That wasn’t my question.”

“You’re being unfair right now.”

The man sighed.

“I’m just asking, Yoongi." And his voice sounds different too, so Yoongi didn’t like it. “If I’m not right, why don’t you tell me? You know I know when you're right, and I'm not. I'm not stubborn, you're locking yourself in."

Yoongi wrinkled his nose because he was right in a way, and he hated that it was like that. It was true; he didn't know why he felt so cornered all of a sudden. Stretching his arms and looking at the ground, he became a little dizzy. His whole body suddenly hurt; maybe all the fatigue of those months came upon him.

“Working.” He was honest even so, knowing what was coming. His father didn’t move in any sense. “I was working, but it wasn't'more important than this’. They wouldn't let me go, for real.”

“You didn’t take a day off?”

“I can’t. I’m on tour right now, and I asked permission, but you know that they’re not flexible with the times.

“Just like your mother's birthday. Or every Christmas.” He sounds sad now, almost disappointed. Mad, but really sad. “We invite you, but you never come. Your brother was shaking yesterday. He really wanted to see you.”

There was silence. A big one, where you could still hear the murmurs of the people, the echo of the grandeur of the place, the clicking of heels, and the shy laughter. He gave them both time to realize where they were, that they were in suits, and that, after all, he hadn't seen that man in a long, long time.

Yoongi's apology stuck in his throat—another genuine apology.

 

A third.

 

“I'm sorry, son.” His father says instead. Yoongi had heard it a few times in his 30s. “I understand. We understand, but... we always do. Me, your mother, and your brother today. He has all the right to be mad; we all are, but you’re doing your best, and we’re getting old too.” This time he looked at him, smiling a little. Yoongi does too, but his was a sad one. “Just don’t forget about your family. I just hope I make it to your wedding too.”

“Pff.” They laughed, and the son nodded, his nose still wrinkled just thinking about it. “I can only do the first one, sorry. That’s why Jae did it first. Maybe I don't invite you to a wedding, but you have been sitting more than once watching me in a stadium with more people than here.” He looked at his brother with his eyes. He continued talking to that woman, nodding, biting his lip, having an awful time, and if it wasn't bad, then something questionable. Yoongi could swear his palms were sweating. “I honestly don't feel like... being that worried.”

His father looked nothing in the front, with a smirk on his face. Yoongi realized how old he turned again.

“You just haven't found the right person to be like this for.”

That doesn’t sound like his father. At all.

He looked at him again and couldn't say anything when his brother was already in front of them, smiling and wiping the sweat from his hands.

He knew it.

���She’s about to arrive, take your seat.”

Yoongi left the back of the chair where there was supposed to be another person there who wasn't there, and frowning, he looked around the room without really doing it, realizing that he was missing someone to greet.

“Where’s mom?”

And as if he hadn't been listening to laughter, murmurs, and voices of people for ten minutes that filled his ears non-stop, right after that question, a specific laugh seemed to answer his doubt, reversing his pressure and causing a strong shiver to run down the back of his neck.

He turned quickly, perhaps even a little disbelievingly, and then, he saw you.

Not his mother, though. Or yes, her too, but his eyes fell on you first because it was always like that, because that was your laugh, and because it was impossible not to.

Far away. The possibility of having heard your laughter was quite unlikely, even impossible. Seven or eight rows back. Of course, you were wearing baby blue, delicate, and tight. The fabric didn’t shine like your gloves do, and you had your long hair loose, tied up from the top just a little. You laughed heartily, teeth on display, his mother being the cause of your smile and your bright eyes. Such honest and grateful happiness, because why not, you both looked exaggeratedly happy to be in front of each other again. Her mother held your hands tightly, moving them up and down in time with her words, and you just nodded and responded briefly.

His heart stopped. He could swear he had even forgotten to breathe.

Yoongi didn't enjoy eye contact.

He usually runs away from it. He feels stupid, and he gets embarrassed quickly. It's a tense situation for him, but he was wishing with all his might that you two had it at that moment. That his eyes were heavy enough for you to turn to look at him and take a good look at you because your eyes had always been big and expressive, and he needed to confirm that he wasn't hallucinating.

At least that's what they were like the last time he saw them, so many years ago that he couldn't count them, and from what he saw from there, many things had changed.

You look breathtaking. You've always looked this pretty, but right now… 

He didn't know if it was because he hadn't seen you in person for many years, up close, but unpleasant things were happening to him. His legs trembled when you finally looked back. Big eyes, make-up on, pretty color, and they opened, your moves frozen, and somehow, you two had an extremely uncomfortable visual conversation, as if you were face to face, and you didn't know what to say.

To his surprise, your gaze quickly changes to a more confident, almost cold look, and you bow with extreme lightness to say hello without intending to break contact. However, his mother did, hugging goodbye to you as soon as everyone started tidying up, music started playing, and Yoongi was forced to sit down, trembling, sweating, and unfocused, remembering how you looked.

He was there again, in real life, in Daegu, where he was born and grew up, where it was hot and dangerous to go out at night, where they used to live, and where he used to get lost when he could.

He had arrived that morning, but his brother, his parents, and you brought him back home.

“Shit.”

Not in a comfy, lullaby way. More like a cold water falling from the sky directly on the ground/ type of way.

He was there. You were there, feeling better than him, of course, but you don’t know. You had the whole month to mentally prepare for that reunion. Obviously you had a better handle on it, but you were also shaking, and you had to take a couple of breaths before you were ready for the wedding.

“Good?”

 

Seun was next to Greum when everything happened, in a way waiting as a spectator. Both in silence, from afar. Now he was waiting for you to respond, so he could start the recording in case you said something compromising. Both of you were in your assigned seats, with Jae at the altar.

“If it’s better than him, then yes, I’m great.” He laughed and checked at the entrance in case Eun was peeking out. He wanted to see her dress. You shake your shoulders, trying not to look in his direction again, releasing tension.

“Well, I don’t judge him. Jae didn’t tell him you were here.”

You scoff, “He didn’t? We're some show to you two or something?” putting your brother's arm away (with more force than necessary. It bothers you that he didn't take seriously how you felt. More now that you were especially sensitive) so you can record properly. The music began to overwhelm you a bit.

Now. Suddenly they were all in order, therefore quieter, so you two had to continue the conversation in whispers. Jae was waiting for his future wife; the doors of the place were open, but nothing was happening yet.

“He told me months ago that he wasn’t sure if he would arrive. The invitation was made, but he hasn't seen him for almost a year. When-“ he stops, unlocking his phone that had turned off for not pressing record yet, making you smile. Your older brother reminded you a lot of your father sometimes, and you rarely saw him so excited and well groomed at the same time. Your dress color and his suit matched too. His idea. “When Yoongi confirmed he was coming, Jae didn’t have the time to tell him. So yeah,” you looked at him when he did, blinking. “I know he’s feeling a lot of things right now.”

Well, that was weird.

That doesn’t sound like Yoongi, Yoongi loves his brother, his family, at least the one you know.

The type of relationship you had now (null) didn't allow you to say that out loud, and, strictly speaking, you didn't understand his reaction either. He looked genuinely surprised; it shouldn't affect him if he was the one who broke everything in the first place. You assumed it had just been the surprise, and it would take you a good stretch of the night to be able to let go of the fact that they were there, so close but so far, to let go of the possibilities of talking, hugging him, and telling him how much you had missed him, know about him, how he handled things. Just as before. Because it didn't help you to think like that, and because how pretty and beautiful your best friend looked right now, happy, in white, and excited, couldn't be placed on anything else.

You hoped you could breathe in peace for the rest of the night. Although at some point you thought you could do it without problems, because once you wiped away the tears that came out of you when you saw Eun enter and the ceremony took place, between your brother talking to you, you were laughing at him because he had also cried halfway through. On the way, the rest of your family arrived, and an inexplicable happiness that ran through you as you were surrounded by so many people that you knew and hadn't seen in years consumed you, your head stayed busy. A lot, and you still had it in mind, but you were not alone, and that made you feel good, safe, and a little calmer.

It was easy for you not to give him your night. At least the first part of it.

Apparently, after the ceremony, the party, and celebration would take place in the same place. You weren't really surprised, in fact, it moved you even more because the place was gigantic, very tall, and beautiful, almost like a theater, and there were many, many people, enough to fill the place. Not in a suffocating way, but enough to get lost. It was mostly of age, older people, maybe grandparents you hadn't managed to meet before, and then there were people directly younger, but you knew those, Seun was a people butterfly. Friends of theirs, you assumed. Actually, Seun stopped explaining who the boy was sitting next to one of her good friends when a man, tall and good-looking, started to talk on a microphone.

“Now, now, and congratulating the bride and groom once again, we would like to call the loved ones of both to say a few words before the fun part starts.

Everyone laughed, and Seun looked at you. You forgot about that part.

“Let’s start with the parents…”

“I can go for you instead.”

“It’s okay.” You smile. You knew that he was doing his best to be able to contain you, and give you the best company, despite the fact that it was not easy for him. “I’m not made of glass.” You joke, listening to Eun’s mother speak already.

And well, for him, you were. At least right now, but he didn’t say it, scoffing to hide his thoughts. “I’m trying to be good. Dad it’s watching now, I have to be an example.”

“For what.”

“Shut up, don’t be disrespectful.”

You try not to laugh. He was nervous now. You never understood why it was so difficult for him to admit that he cared for others. Not even with Jae he dared to do it, or at least that's what you thought. You didn't know how he would tell the truth in his speech.

You were the last one. You knew this because when you arrived, Jae told you. Eun wasn't supposed to know you were there. Of course, she had invited you, but she didn't know if you would finally attend because you hadn't been able to communicate with anyone these last few months. You met once, when she came to see you at your house, but you couldn't talk about much. You were on another planet, it was like your head was disconnected from your body most of the time, and she assumed you wouldn't go. 

You wanted to think that she hadn't seen you when she passed, but you doubted it. With the amount of people there, and with how focused she was on Jae, it was impossible.

Still, you were nervous. When you accepted, you didn't think you would be in front of so many people. Your heart was beating.

“Is that Yoongi?” Nara, your sister, asked your mother just behind you when he got position and greeted everyone.

“Yeah. Why he wouldn't?” Your mom responded a bit confused. You could hear her smile.

“I think you all were joking when you told me he was on BTS, for real. It doesn’t look at all like the Yoongi I knew.” You hear a laugh, a gentile one, and then your other brother making fun of her behind. Your dad scolds them.

Now, you take advantage of the moment to take a better look at him.

You wanted to blame it on the fact that your sister was only nine when she met Yoongi, and every time he appeared on TV or in videos she was told it was him, she just couldn't believe it. You just hoped those were her blurry memories of him, because you couldn't see him too differently from how you remembered it.

Maybe his hair was longer, he was paler, taller, his back had grown considerably, and he had that special glow that any celebrity would have. He looked like an entire adult now, too. He wore expensive clothes and good shoes, although he didn't seem to have put any effort into his hair, or his appearance in general, he looked incredibly unreal, so much that it makes you angry.

If you thought about it enough, and if you didn't know it was him, you would’ve struggled to recognize him too. You often saw him in magazines, posters, on buildings in Busan, on train pamphlets, on your cell phone and even in medicine, but seeing him in person was overwhelming. It was like seeing a stranger you already knew, but better yet, he was there, but at the same time he wasn't.

You take a deep breath when you realize that, despite all those things, his features were still just as soft and delicate, just like his mother's.

His knuckles still turned red without much effort, and he smiled the same way, making that slight pout with his lips before crying, trying to contain it, and he wiped the tears carelessly. You found your Yoongi in the one you were looking at right now, with little things, with gestures, with details that you used to admire more than necessary, they were still there.

and it made you feel nauseous.

You blinked a few times, snapping out of your trance as everyone applauded, and realized you hadn't heard a single word. He had even cried, and you didn't know why. You saw Jae stand up as he was called to take position on the small stage, and a much louder round of applause made you jump lightly. They came from behind, just that young section that assumed they were friends of both. There were a lot of people, and it didn't surprise you that Seun was already fooling around on his way to the small stage there.

“How are you feeling, blossom?"

Your father asked, taking advantage of the fact that you turned around to look at the crowd and that your brother was not there. They were both looking at you, and the rest of your brothers were talking among themselves.

“I'm okay.” It wasn't necessarily a lie. You felt just as bad as you do every day. Besides, you knew that they were referring to something more specific (Min Yoongi) than to your general emotional state, so you smiled slightly, closed, and placed your hand on your mother's, who was on your arm. “I’m good; don’t worry.”

As you predicted, Seun's speech was so unserious and absurd that it's not worth dwelling on. For some reason, everyone was laughing with him, he had livened up the atmosphere and unintentionally infected everyone with joy.

He soon returned to his seat and sat still with applause in the background. You couldn't believe it.

“I don’t get why he’s still your friend.”

“We’re in love, sister.” He asure. “This wedding is for three people. They will never get rid of me.”

“Shut up.”

“Now.” The good-looking man says “Briefly before eating and doing fun things, we have one more person who wants to wish you both the best, of course.”

You can see Eun’s confused look at her husband now, and he quickly grabs her hand. Your heart was ricing, you felt your mother's hand on your shoulder.

“Park ___, please."

Eun almost jumped from her seat, looking around, looking for you. You also saw someone else look for you in the crowd when you were getting up a little stiff because of your dress. You say sorry to an old woman right in front of you, who you accidentally hit softly because Seun didn’t move at the right moment.

“Oh my god.”

You didn't have time to get halfway down the hall to the front when a large white dress ran towards you to hug you. You smiled at the impact because you were a little taken aback by how strong it came and how big her dress was. You smiled when you already had her in your arms.

“You have been here all this time?”

“Of carouse.”

“Oh my god, thank you…” she softly says, hugging you even harder.

“I wouldn’t miss the happiest moment of your life.”

Because it had cost you, but you had arrived. Was she crying? Thank goodness people were still clapping because of the moving nature of the situation, and they couldn't hear you. You were trying so hard not to cry too.

If you did it, you wouldn't stop.

“I know you-“

“It’s okay.” You stopped her. “I’m okay.”

You squeezed her waist as a signal for you to start moving, and she moved away from you to caress your face lovingly and look at you like... most people have looked at you lately with pity and kissed your forehead.

Pity.

 

She took your hand, and the entire way, you could feel Yoongi's gaze on you. From the moment she hugged you until she kissed you and started leading you forward, like an exhibition, heavy, right next to you. He made you feel small, it was silly.

“Now stop crying; I haven't said anything yet.” You start, with the microphone in your hands, making everybody laugh, the couple too, Jae helping her with the tears. The place was in silence, the lights, the eyes, and the attention were just on you. So you take a deep breath and unfold the paper you’ve got prepared. “I- uh~” a sigh. “I don’t know how people do this without crying, I- okay.” You were nervous, but the place laughed again, so it gave you time to breathe.

“I still remember you both being taller than me, smarter than me, and older than me. I know that deep down all of you were so done of me, right behind there too,” all those people scream from behind, and you laugh. “because I used to talk a lot, and I carry my toys everywhere, so I can show it to all of you, and I made too many questions for people who are starting to be teenagers and want to look cool, but I wasn’t. I didn’t even care, I remember that. I was the pain in the ass that comes with Seun. Just a plus because Seun it’s a bother himself.” The aforementioned rolled his eyes, and you waited for there to be silence so you could continue. “I understand that now, and I just came here to apologize.” 

The atmosphere after the laughter was now a little solemn, and in contrast to your brother, you were capable of poisoning the things you touched, and those who knew you knew that. You could see the newlyweds were a little worried, but you kept smiling, giving them confidence that nothing bad was going to happen. At least that wasn't your intention.

“Sorry for being the impediment for you to go out late at night or for having to return early from wherever we were... I- was with you.” Uh. You try to keep the smile. Shit, “sorry for being so annoying, and sorry for the fact that I didn't care. Because as much as I didn't like being with you sometimes, the best part of my day was watching you eat at my table, or Mrs. Min organizing my birthdays, and everyone coming with gifts that I genuinely liked because you all heard what I was saying even if I was giving you a headache.”

Unintentionally, you met those eyes again from afar, just when you were trying to control that lump in your throat because the worst part was coming, and you didn't know if you were ready. You said the following while still looking at Yoongi, not at you, surprisingly. “I miss it. I really do, and I’m so grateful that I carry all that with me.”

You look at the paper, change the page, and breathe. So you try once “I-“ and twice. “I- um…” a shaking breath sounds everywhere, reading the words, but you just can’t. “Sorry~” you're softly trying to laugh as you cry start, and you feel so stupid for breaking in front of a lot of people. No because it was bad, everybody there cried before you, but not because of the same thing.

“I love you!” You didn’t know who it was, but you smiled and responded with a really quiet and shaking'me too', giving you time to breathe as everybody laughed, and the atmosphere eased.

“Okay.” You say more to yourself, but you have a mic on your mouth, of course. “I didn’t write this part alone. Kija he… he is my twin, so of course he was with me in all of this story, but when he got sick and we were writing this months ago, he told me that I didn’t mention him in all this because it was going to be about me, not him… he’s kinda dumb.” 

You laugh, trying not to tear up. You were holding the next tears, but like, fighting demons and everything to not cry. You, for real, didn’t want to cry in front of all those people. Your voice was obviously trapped in your chest, and it was shaking, but you couldn't do anything but breathe. You just have to be quick. 

“But he told me that he wanted to tell you both that he and I were very proud to have seen you grow together, hate each other together, and deny that you liked each other together and today, for me, seeing you two married means a lot. I adore you two with all my heart. Congratulations, and I know you’re going to do a great job. I'm sure Kija would have done a better job telling him in person, but I'm here for him, so you know. He would- have loved to come, I have no doubt. Be happy, please, and no babies yet; I’m not ready.”

You didn’t remember anything after that, which means two things:

One, you need to calm down because two, you weren’t fine.

You remember the hug, and a few words both of them told you, and all the looks people gave you just after that, full of sadness and compassion (which was the first thing that made you want to run away). And at the party, you dance because you enjoy it, and you feel a little better, but people stop you all the time to give you their condolences because “they didn’t know”.

The cake was cut, the presentation was done, and you could only come back to the moment when you had your first drink of whiskey, and your body told you that it wasn’t a good idea. Your heart was fast in your chest, that would only make it worse with alcohol.

You need to breathe.

 

“Sorry, what?!”

 

You scream behind the music. Some girl named Hwan stopped you. (It came right at the beginning, when Seun was next to you, and you were pretending to listen to how she had recently graduated. Poor girl, honestly, she looks kind and lovely.) with two glasses of tequila and some salt in her hand. 

“My friend!” She said. “I lost him, so take this!”

 And then:

“Hurry! I have to go for more before they run out!” You were too agitated for this. This is a bad idea ___. “c’mon c’mon honey!”

Your hands were tingling, your breathing was short, and you were afraid. You had tried to go to the bathroom, but it was full, and it was even more claustrophobic than all those people. Right next to it, there were some stairs that you assumed went up to the balconies that surrounded the place. You were very grateful that it was high, enough to encapsulate the music on the floor below, and you heard it as if you were listening from a glass.

Or was it you? 

You leaned on the railing and began to sweat. You closed your eyes, trying to calm down little by little, to look for things to think about, to feel something other than fear and anguish at the same time, but it was impossible, completely, and that made you even more desperate. You were breathing as if you had just run for two hours non-stop, and there came a point where your legs couldn't support your body. You couldn't feel your hands, cried a lot, trying to catch air, moaned in terror.

“please please please… stop just-“

You were trying not to faint, you were on the edge of a high place, and it was now dark for those below. It was when you felt like you really couldn't do anything. That you tried to stand back in case your body gave way forward, and it wasn't more dangerous when you felt hands on your stomach directly and the warmth of a body behind you.

A warm feeling that felt like burning on a straight fire

“Easy~ here,” you heard, far away from you, just like the music in a glass. The only thing that told you that he was literally glued to you was his touch. “Can you feel my hand?” You didn't respond, trying to run away. You didn’t want to be touched. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe. If you want to feel better, you have to answer me, okay?”

“Hmm” a moan full of pain, was not even an answer.

“Okay?” They asked again. This time you nodded and felt the hand move on your stomach, the fingers more than anything, like playing a piano. Soft, but rough at the same time. “Can you feel it?” Your two hands were placed on his in an attempt to find support; you couldn't feel your legs, and after giving him an affirmative answer with your head, you complained again, your head was about to explode. “Move my hand with your stomach as you breathe.” And you did. Erratic and desperate “That’s good, but try it slower. Focus on moving it, not on breathing.”

“I- I ca-“

"Yes, you can. You do it every day; come on.”

You know, you just didn’t want to be there.

You try your best to move his hand. It was hard because you were sobbing, and trying your best to not think too much. So you closed your eyes, exhausted, and concentrated on the warmth that the stranger was giving you and the hold that, while at first it felt overwhelming and suffocating, now it helped. You felt stronger, even though you were about to faint.

So you moved the hand, and it worked.

“Good~ breathe.”

The air filled your lungs little by little, your head began to quiet, and the music entered your ears at a decent volume considering how far you were from the ground. Your hands were cold, they were shaking, but you could move them, and you still couldn't feel your legs, but you could hear the trembling of your breathing and how your nervous system was trying to regulate itself, blocking your crying in your chest.

You were exhausted, god, you would sleep there if you could.

“Better?”

And then you realize.

 

You know that voice.

 

It was soft, deep, and in your ear. So close that if you turned to see him, both of you would collide. His hands were bigger than they used to be and softer to the touch, pale on your baby blue dress, no scrapes like you used to heal, he’s no longer biting his nails.

‘Shit’

“Don’t touch me.” You said. He tense.

“If I let you go, you will fall. You're not even holding yourself up.”

He was right. And you hate it.

“What are you doing here.”

Your voice sounded agitated, almost like a whisper. You still didn't dare open your eyes; your eyelids were heavy, and the fear of facing him so close made you delirious. Even though you had your back turned to him, you felt him snort.

“God. You’re welcome?” You clung tighter to his hand. It's just that you got dizzy, and he held you when he felt you give way to the left. “I should ask that. You almost passed out on the railing, idiot, that's… fucked up.”

He calls you an idiot? You were too weak to call him something worse.

So you only say "sorry." Instead, letting him go finally, and you tried to stand up by yourself, but you wobbled

“Okay, okay, please don’t. I’m gonna…” His hands took place on your hips to guide you to some chairs in the corner, which you didn't see at first, of course. You weren't sure if his touch hurt more now that you were more conscious or before, when you were overstimulated. Felt the same, honestly. “Be careful, they look old.” You walked as he commanded, and once you sat down, you heard him say something you couldn't decipher. You finally opened your eyes to ask, but there was no sign of anyone.

Sighing, you rested your head in your hands and closed your eyes again. You didn't know if you were still dizzy and weak or if you felt that way because you were already drunk. They both make sense to you.

You heard noise after a few seconds and looked up. Finally, Yoongi's silhouette appeared in the hallway, he had things in his hands, and he was looking at the glass of water, concentrating so that nothing would fall on the floor.

“I’m definitely too drunk for this.”

This can't be happening to you. Could not.

“I put ice on it, so you can chew. It will help.”

His voice sounded unfriendly to what he was saying. Not angry or indifferent, but rather nervous and tense, as if he were speaking by opening his mouth a little, trying to make you believe that it was no a big deal, as always, but his nervousness didn't allow him to fool you. You raised your eyes to look at his, and he turned them away once you brought them together. You tried to hide a smile as you received the glass. Of course, he couldn't look you in the eyes. He cleared his throat, finally watching you receive the water, trembling in your hold. He tries to hold it from below in case you drop it.

You took a sip.

“Your makeup is smudged.”

Of course. You must have been looking stupid.

“What is that?"

He was offering you something, like toilet paper, but softer on a package. You couldn't see very well, it was just white.

“I’m not really sure.” He confesses. “I take them from the bathroom. They’re damp.”

You touch it with two of your fingers, just to not be rude, honestly.

“Thanks, but I can’t really see myself here.” There was no mirror, and if there was, it was dark. The only lights there were those on the dance floor, which were colored and did not shine directly on the place you two were having this... moment. “I don’t really care though, I’m living soon anyway”

He didn't insist, putting the package in his pocket. You maintained a silence that would have been more awkward if the music downstairs wasn't on, and if you didn't have anything to chew at that moment. Neither of you dared to look at each other, or start a conversation because it wasn't even enough for something cordial. You didn't have the strength to get up and run away, but just when you were going to tell him that you were okay, and he could leave, he took something out of his pocket.

Now you are invested.

“You mind if I smoke?”

You looked at him from there, taking time to process the information. You shook your head slightly, maybe even confused, but there was no point in being.

“Can you even smoke here?”

The place was big but closed, you didn't know if it was allowed.

“I doubt it.”

“Since when do you smoke?” You dared to ask.

“I don’t.”

No, because he hates the smell. His mother has smoked since ever. Yoongi hates that the smell gets stuck in everything and everywhere. No matter how much his mother smoked outside the house, he always ended up with his school clothes smelling like cigarettes. It was inevitable. He always complained.

There you were watching him right now, right in profile, blowing smoke from his cigarette as if he did it every day, even though he said he doesn't. Arms resting on the railing, well-dressed, looking anywhere but at you.

You wanted to stop assuming that this Yoongi was the same one who had left years ago. Because you didn't know, you were both two completely new people, total strangers who knew nothing about each other, yet, you wanted to think that, if that were the case, he would have already left. He usually walks away from what he doesn't care about or doesn't like, that's what he did with you when he left, because that's how you felt. It was nice to believe that he was now there himself because he wanted to be, but it didn't help you to think about it, not now. Just because he was there didn't mean he was back in your life, and as silly as it sounded, your brain didn't understand that. It was your job to stop him from believing something like that.

You chew ice.

“I don’t want to ruin the party for you. Go ahead.” Your voice is still dumb. He was watching the people dancing from there, now he was looking at you, smoking the cigarette between his fingers without understanding what you meant. “I’m feeling better, you can go.”

“Okay.” He directed his body directly towards you. Unintentionally intimidating. “Do you want me to go?”

His presence made you anxious.

“Yes. But if I’m honest, I don’t really want to be alone right now.” He hums. “But I have seven siblings, and all of them are downstairs right now. I can call any of them.”

“They will scold you for not saying anything and me for not seeking help.”

“I know.” He looked at you, quietly. “I just don’t want to... keep you here. Have some fun.”

He shook his head, looking away.

“It’s okay. I was here first, drinking. Then you came. You scared me.”

You blink a few times. “You’ve spent all the night in here?”

“Most of it.” You followed his eyes down on the first floor, full of people. You could see everything from there. If you focused on one person, you could easily track them. “Enough to watch you dance and get drunk.”

“Creep.” He smiles a little.

“That’s why I wasn’t sure it was you. I went to get my whiskey, and I swear I saw you two minutes before taking a shot of tequila. I thought you were just drunk.”

You frowned, settling into the couch. You felt genuinely bad.

“Now I’m scared. For real.”

“Not intentional. I can literally watch my brother kiss Eun from here every five minutes, even if I don’t want to.” Yoongi plays with his ice, then drinks the rest in one go.

You gulped.

Thinking about it more was counterproductive for your mental health, you knew it, you understood it, it was practically self-sabotage, but right now, you gave yourself perhaps ten seconds to admire the beauty that Min Yoongi carried all by himself.

He looked so different, and everything that had changed elevated his beauty to places... god. You had met at a very young age too, in years, you could also say that you had changed enough to be mentioned at some point by a family member who hadn't seen you in a while, for example. You are an adult now, but it was impressive.

To think that you stopped seeing Yoongi right when he was being built into an idol says a lot. Everything about him looked expensive and well cared for, his soft hair, smooth skin, long eyelashes, immaculate hands, as if they were not obliged to do anything that would harm them. How his throat moved as the drink passed into his system, the lack of reaction of his features despite being strong, and having drunk almost half of the short glass.

The feeling that rose to your stomach made you come back, and from well-being, it turned into discomfort in your chest. He was there, he looked so attractive, and you couldn't do anything.

You couldn’t hug him, tell him how much you missed him and hit him nonstop because even when you’re still so into him, you were hurt too, and this situation was so out of your hands.

“I’d liked your speech. It was good.”

You wanted to tell him that you hadn't done it alone, but why would you do that? You didn't answer.

“You’re still writing?”

This time, you denied it almost instinctively. The truth is, you didn't want to give additional information to, in a way, a stranger, but you had already screwed up. “No. A long time ago I-“ stopped when you left, but of course you kept quiet.

When it was about Yoongi and whether you thought about the young you who loved that person in front of you so much and how dependent you were on someone who didn't care how you felt, it made you feel so stupid. And it didn't really make sense because you were young and inexperienced, and you had an important bond, so of course you will be hurt, you had more compassion than resentment. But still,

“-just don’t do it anymore.”

You didn't want to feel that weak again. He nodded.

“Why haven't you left if you don't want to be here?” You changed the topic. You weren't looking at him, but you felt his attention return to you, and he responded with his silence, then you looked up, and he avoided you again. “You're still not a party guy?” He didn't respond again, knowing that you knew the answer, so you smiled. “Yeah, you weren't either back then.” You say that just for yourself.

“I want to, though. Hyung it’s happy, and I haven't seen my family in a long time. My dad told me he was waiting for my wedding too. I stayed so maybe the event convinced me.”

“Your dad?” He nodded in disbelief as well. “That doesn’t sound like your dad. And also, the event?” A snort left your mouth as he looked at you, nodding. “ I don’t think it’s just about the event, you know?”

“Yeah. He told me that too.”

You laughed this time. You like that men.

“That doesn’t sound like him either.”

“I know.”

You missed Yoongi’s parents. They were so different from yours.

“You were, I remember.”

“What.”

“A party person. I always went with you and watched you dance because I didn't like it. Then we would leave late and buy ice cream at the convenience store downtown because you always craved some.” You nodded, trying to manage the pain that the memory caused you. “I've never seen you cry in one before.”

You played with the ice that was left, because the question was not directly a question, it was more of a mention, perhaps so as not to ignore what just happened. He knew you wouldn't answer and that you shouldn't either. You wrinkled your nose, uncomfortable.

“Where do you learn all of it?”

 

Containment, you meant.

 

“Hm.” He took a second. “These ten years have been interesting.” A laugh, and you try your best again. “I saw a member of our staff do it to Jungkook once, the first time. We were very young, but I’ve never forgotten it in case it happened again. It happened a couple of times after that, so I… know.”

And it's as if the anguish you had come back to you once you touched where his hands were for the first time in 10 years, and you had to close your eyes just because you felt upset. You didn't want to be there, you remembered. Not only because you didn't want to see him, but because you didn't feel well, and you put him over your emotions again.

Fucking hell.

“Your brother it’s looking for you.” You nodded, opening your eyes slightly.

“Of course he is…” you murmured, overwhelmed, trying to stand up. But you were feeling bad again, so you waited a little.

“Do you want me to-“

“No.”

You didn't know why you were so angry all of a sudden. Your heart was beating again, you started to feel warm even though the place was quite cold because of how big it was, and you were actually grateful that they cared about you, but you had spent all those months feeling like a burden to others.

You tried not to cause too many problems, you didn't want that kind of attention, especially after having been living alone, away from your family for so long, to live with them again. You went from making your own food to your mother having to sit next to you so you could eat something. From leaving early to work to not even knowing what time it was. From calling them to tell them good things, to having to pretend to sleep so as not to receive questions you didn't want to answer. You couldn't take care of yourself, it was something that you were having a hard time facing, because you wanted to do it, to be well so as not to be the burden of your family, but the pain you had was still just as big, and heavy, and it enveloped your entire chest. Squeezing. It didn't let you swallow, speak, cry, or breathe.

You were crying again. This time in silence, you didn't care that Yoongi was watching you in silence too, not knowing what to do.

"Where's the… dump thing you bought.”

He reacted a little slowly but quickly, searching for it, taking it out of his jacket pocket. You nodded.

“Can you clean my face, please? I don’t want to look like this when he finds me, and he will if I go to the bathroom right now.”

That one seemed to get him out of somewhere, because it did take him longer to process the information. He was standing with the towels in his hand and blinking, almost like a cat, a confused one. He didn't say anything, and you didn't think you had said anything wrong, so you got scared, and you wondered if maybe you, in fact, said something wrong.

“I can try, though. You don’t-“

“I’ll do it.”

He sits on the coffee table in front of you. You can smell his strong and manly cologne, and if you raised your eyes to his face enough, you could see him up close, closer than you had for many years again. Older, smelling that way, his marked features but you didn't. Of course not.

You close your eyes.

The two of you were silent, and it took you a few minutes to begin to feel the softness with which he ran over your face, the left side of your cheek, extremely light, almost afraid to touch you. You opened your eyes, and he wasn't looking where he was supposed to clean.

He looked at your face, carefully, perhaps making sure it was really you who was in front of him. He stopped his hand when your eyes connected, and it lasted only a few seconds, but you felt so much tension that you even doubted if it was wrong for you to pretend as if you didn't have things to talk about, before having any kind of contact. Whatever it was.

After that, he looked at you with pity.

The last one that night, you decide.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

You were stronger than him when it came to holding a gaze. He has always been the first to escape, which is why your gaze was very intense, heavy, and powerful. You could do it because you felt it was the most honest way to know if someone could handle you.

“Sorry.”

Yoongi had never been able to look at you for more than five seconds.

He resumed his work with the same smoothness. The music returned to your ears, and you returned to your place, to your life, to the now and to how your body was screaming to get out of there. You closed your eyes, chest tight and hands tense, trying to control their shaking.

You have bigger things to cry about right now than this. You had done it for a long time now; you had no more tears to cry for Min Yoongi, no reason to be nervous anymore, and no reason why you couldn't live in peace anymore.

“I’m sorry about Kija.” His voice was smooth, almost lullaby. He sounds nervous too, and just because of that, your response was also automatic. If it had been genuine, you would have had another panic attack right there.

 

“It’s okay.”

 

‘You are grieving. Don't expect anything better. Let us help you’

 

They were all grieving too.

 

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t- I didn’t know.”

There. Was there when you wanted to scream and punch him so hard enough to make him feel guilty.

“What do you mean.” To be honest, it doesn't even surprise you. You sensed it, but you had the small hope that he saw it… at least. “I texted you. Jae- he give me your number. I was waiting for you at his funeral.”

“Y/N…”

“It’s okay.”

 

You said instead. Yoongi looked terrified.

 

“I-“ he cut himself. “…was-“

You take his hand softly, stopping him. “It’s okay, Yoongi.”

“Wait.” One of his hands is on your wrist, preventing you from getting up. You didn't feel good, but you would do anything to get out of there. Still, you sat back down because you didn’t expect it.

“I’m sorry.”

 

Three.

 

The only thing you could hear was your heart beating; everything went quiet, and the words went away, an echo.

“It’s” You were far enough away to miss his scent or to see his new appearance. It was as if he disappeared into the darkness. “okay.”

And it was okay, not because that was exactly how it was, but because it didn't matter. It was okay because it didn't matter if he responded or not, he didn't have to. You were the one who was doing wrong by continuing to trust someone who had already failed you many times, and now you were choosing not to fall for anything sure.

It was okay, because there was no important bond that bonded you two, and allowed you to do bad things where there was nothing good to destroy.

And it was okay, because you simply didn't want to continue having him in front of you, talking about one of the most important people in your life, and seeing how he looked at you with pity. So it was okay.

 

But Yoongi had said sorry three times that day, and he hadn't been able to genuinely fix any of them.

—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________

teaser masterlist two

—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________

[ive-got-the-issues]

I went to the club the other night bc it was a going away party for the club. I knew Beats was going so i was excited. I didnt care that i knew a lot of people going and if they saw me doing anything with Beats. We get to the club, we see all of our friends expect 2. Eventually we run into them at the bar, i was so nervous to see Beats. I went up to him after everyone left, i said hi to him and it was so awkward. He kept looking past me and patting his pockets, he was looking for his vape. I told him "whats up" and then He found it in his back pocket. He says hi to me then said "hey ima be honest with you... im actually here with my girlfriend" immediately my insides shattered and started falling slowly, piece by piece. I played it cool, i had sunglasses on so he couldnt see my eyes. I said "oh okay" and tried walking away but he said "yeah its new, its like 2 weeks old, i just wanted to be upfront with you" and i told him "no its cool, we're fine" and i tried giving him a fist bump so i could walk away bc i just didnt want to be having that conversation anymore nor did i want his gf to walk up and start something. He continues to tell me "im sorry if ive said anything to hurt your feelings or hurt you but i just wanted to be honest, this is fairly new" and im so over the conversation and just wanted to leave so i tell him "no dude its fine, we're cool" and i gave him a fist bump and walked away. I wanted to scream, i wanted to leave, i just didnt want to be there but i stayed bc i wasn't going to let that ruin my night. I went back to our group of friends and acted like nothing happened. After a few mins i tell my friend how he's there with his gf and she just shook her head yes... so she knew.. she knew he had a gf.. she knew he was going to take her.. i felt so embarrassed. After awhile i saw him in the back of our group standing next to his gf, they looked very awkward, turns out they were arguing. About 20 mins later Beats is MIA and so is his gf, after awhile i kept seeing him on his phone and moving different places in our group. Turns out him and his gf were arguing and she left. I wonder if she saw me talking to him. Since he was alone i noticed he kept lingering a few feet in back of me while i was dancing which was weird bc he wasnt anywhere near me when his gf was around. After the club closed we were all across the street chilling (minus beats). Beats comes over to us to talk to our guy friends i was standing next to and he hugged them both and when he got to me he just looked at me, i just turned away it was so awkward. It sucked him telling me that, but on the plus side at least he was honest. I know i cant get mad and i shouldn't get mad bc we were just having a good time when we were talking before. He did warn me he was a piece of shit and that he hurts everyone he cares about, at least i know he cares about me? I told my friend the next day about beats being alone and she said "she always does that, she gets drunk and gets angry and they fight and she storms off" so then i realized, this is an on again off again thing. Well at least im not an angry drunk 🤷🏻‍♀️ i saw him at work 2 days later. I told myself to act like nothing happened. I see him as soon as im walking to the backroom at work, he smiles at me and i smiled back saying whats up. I wanted to message him so bad but i know i just need to let it be.

[fruitsbasketlesbian]

Hey hey hey sooo I’ve been thinking of writing this for a while but I’m a big fat pussy so even though we’re mutuals I’m doing it on anon (((: A few days ago I was trying to sleep and I suddenly thought about how writers aren’t appreciated enough. Honestly, it makes me sad how writing isn’t viewed the same way other forms of art are. Don’t get me wrong, a drawing can be really cool and make you experience another side of someone’s imagination in a physical way, and that’s awesome, but (1/?)

reading such beautiful and fluent writing like yours is truly mind-blowing. I mean, I can start off reading something of yours and before I know it I’m lost in the midst of fighting some huge battle, or I’m feeling emotions that are not mine but instead belong to a character that doesn’t actually exist. The purpose behind creating powerful and meaningful art is to not only express emotions that belong to yourself or to a character you feel deeply for, but to instill those same feelings in (2/?)

an audience. And wow… do you really set the bar high when I read your work. Writing is some hard shit, I do it every now and then for fun, but it never quite flows the way I want it to and hey, that’s fine with me. I write for myself, I create art for myself, and all of this is done on a whim. You, however… I’m not quite sure I could put what you do into words. (Okay, I just realized this is starting to sound really creepy… please forgive me lmao). I am no stranger to reading, I’ve done it (3/?)

all my life, and even though it’s tapered off over the past few years, but It’s safe to say you are one of the very very few writers that has me caught in a tractor beam of an overwhelming desire to read more. I realize I’m kinda rambling here so I’ll backtrack and continue on my original path…. Oops (: What I wanted to say was I really appreciate all the work you’ve done, and although I know that periods of time will come and go where you may not see writing as a true form of art, or you (4/?)

may not deem it worthy to show to the eye of the public, everything you create is inspiring and wonderful and contagious in the best way possible. I hope your realize this, and if you didn’t I hope you do now. Keep on expressing yourself and (hopefully) doing what you love because there will always be some scaredy-cat out there like me who’s too afraid to tell you upfront how they truly feel, but appreciates everything you do all the same. So, thank you. (5/5)

anon u made me cry now u Have to dm me ;;;; fr tho this is the kindest and loveliest comment ive received my whole Life im cherishing it forever and thank u

and regarding ur first couple of comments i agree re: writing and art.... i feel like art is very easy to consume in a way that writing isnt? i mean it obviously depends on the subject but at the heart of it, in a fandom sphere, u can Look at a piece of art, maybe think abt it for a bit, rb it, and thats it. for writing u have to invest urself in the plot and the characters and there are so many pitfalls as a writer that can easily make a reader go off ur work (eg bad grammar, mischaracterisation), and with writing as well u do have to create a whole plot and take all these things into consideration whereas with one single art piece that’s not entirely necessary. so it’s never that i dont see writing as a valid form of art, it’s just the difference in validation/exposure u get thru writing isnt as great as art (altho there’s a lot to be said abt how visual art suffers more plagiarism, and also there’s the whole likes vs rbs thing that is an issue too). so that can be....Very Discouraging lol

but honestly thank u so kindly !!! contagious im just...overwhelmed im shaken anyone could ever Genuinely feel this way abt anything iiii write !! and honestly, if this is abt mos (which...im just presuming it is?), then that was completely based off a whim. i wanted corrupt lance (sorry baby) and i wanted the aftermath of trauma and i wanted recovery so i was like Fuck It and wrote it. like everything i write is on a whim ! but as i was writing over the yrs i came to the same realisation as u that art is abt the Audience, so thats why mos in particular focuses so much on that and i try so hard to rly drag the audience in and force them to feel all these ugly emotions and get caught up in this like...rollercoaster. like it doesnt come easy. it’s a lot of work. so thank u for recognising that ! and now id die for u so like...when u need to collect....say the word...

[batfamtv]

me after writing smut: is this who i am? is this who i represent? lmao i've never written smut until trese, i guess the thirst was too much, let me know how y'all like it! thank you so much for all your support, ily <3

(ﾉ´ з `)ノ

kambal x reader; established relationship

gif by @rasputinaillyanna (see their original gifsets here!)

sfw

the three idiots

seriously, alexandra feels like she keeps aging 20+ years whenever you three are together and goofing around

this is one of the reasons why you’re not allowed on the field with them, they’d get absolutely nothing done

that, and the twins simply wont put you in danger under any circumstances

alexandra also treats you like a sister (in law) and wants you safe, but can only do so much to keep you out of their lives since you still find ways to help them out

absolutely rowdy when you’re with basilio, you and him practically have a lot of inside jokes and a secret language

people would give you both weird looks when you’re out in public, just because you’re both so damn loud

with crispin you’re more mature (but not a lot), he does these grand gestures like taking you out on expensive dates, takes instagram/pinterest style pics of you

basilio also takes pics of you, but those are some of the most unflattering ones that he sends to your groupchat as memes

the ppl who arent familiar with your relationship with the twins are almost often confused when they see you with just the one twin: they’d think “huh i saw this couple a week ago, but i could have sworn the boyfriend had much shorter hair, it couldn’t have grown that long in a week, right?”

when you do go out with the twins, they flank you and you almost get squished in between them, so sometimes you have to push them both to the sides so that you would have space to move around

the three of you like to just chill at the mall sometimes, go window shopping and then eat samgyup/mang inasal later on

other times when you manage to drag alexandra with you, people would assume that you guys are on a double date, and alexandra has the ugliest/most disgusted look on her face as she corrects them “these are my brothers” “im gay”

in your groupchat (just you and the twins) crispin is the sweet, doting one who would text you “have you eaten?” “want us to pick something up for you on the way home?” while basilio sends you memes and selfies of the twins

they send you videos and pics of pets they meet “today we met brownie and blackie”

with regards to living arrangements, the twins have separate rooms (basilio’s is the messy one, smells weird)

when you moved in, alexandra offered you your own room, and most of the time that’s where the boys stay anyway

the bed is much larger than theirs because it needs to accommodate all three of you

you three try to cook meals for ate alexandra, but it almost always turns out disastrous - mostly when basilio insists on helping

so you always make him run errands (“can you go pick up some more garlic and magic sarap”) while you and crispin man the stoves

you braid basilio’s hair while crispin tunes his guitar!!

and you spend a couple of hours listening to crispin play the guitar, basilio’s head now resting on your lap

crispin’s movie taste are like *film* and *poetic cinema* while basilio might enjoy movies that are so bad they’re good, but you three are all suckers for superhero ensemble movies and horror movies

the boys become really annoying when watching filipino horror movies because they like to point out mistakes in the film “aswangs dont do that” “why would you go there all alone are you stupid???”

“please boys i just wanna watch the movie”

a huge cuddle pile

both boys run hot, so during cold nights (that never happen, bc you live in the philippines) you’re all warm and toasty between them

both light sleepers! they were pretty heavy sleepers when they were kids/teenagers, but the occupational hazard of their jobs require them to be ready at a moment’s notice

they still, however, snore quite loudly

crispin doesn’t ever tend to move positions when sleeping, he wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in

basilio rotates around the bed like hands of a clock

most often falls off the bed, but clumsily climbs back up and cuddles you

really really simpy when it comes to you, though most of the time it’s just you three sharing one brain cell (it’s with you, mostly), they can be quite romantic and cheesy if they want to

crispin probably has his brother as just “Basilio” on his phone, and “Y/N ❤️" for you

basilio has “my love ❤️😍😘💘 ” for you and crispin’s number isn’t even registered lol

nsfw under the cut

nsfw

threesome? threesome

boys barely do anything separately and usually just have a Single Thought in both their heads, so if one is horny, the other one is 69% (lol) horny as well

you realize that crispin doesn’t like to be teased at work, but basilio enjoys it so much

you find this out when you’re alone and horny, so you send a pic of you touching yourself to the boys in your groupchat

crispin sees it first, but doesn’t say anything?? he honest to god just left you on read

meanwhile basilio also sees your pic not too long after and you quickly get a “what the fuck” as a reply from him

like 10 mins later he sends you a pic of him in what looks like a washroom and his cock is straining in his pants

he texts you “had to find a washroom so fucking fast so that ate alex and the police captain doesn’t see me so fucking hard in my pants” and “wanna eat you pussy babe”

crispin does text you when the three are on their way home, not mentioning the picture you sent “we’re on our way home”

and at first you thought he is mad at you bc he didn’t bring the nude up?? does he not want you anymore :(

but the moment they arrive crispin all but sprints to your shared bedroom and sees you there, in your underwear

holds your cheeks in one hand, “what the fuck was that baby, hmm? what did you send us?”

you try to ask if he’s mad bc you sent him a nude, ask him if there’s anything wrong, but he just lets your face go as he takes his suit off, basilio finds his way to your room, locks it, and gives you a kiss

basilio whispers “missed you baby” against your mouth before moving away to undress

crispin, now fully naked in front of you, makes you suck his cock, which is hard and twitching, its tip leaking with precum, he makes you place both his hands on your head, “do you know how surprised i was when i saw a text from you and it’s a picture of you touching your cunt? hmm?” he sighs as he sees you looking up at him, eyes watering as you struggle to take all of his cock down your throat “i had to stop myself from getting hard in front of everyone, baby, basilio couldn’t even do that”

basilio huffs but the boys reposition you so you’re in bed and on your back, crispin kneeling to your side, his cock still throbbing in your mouth, basilio positions himself between your thighs, moaning when he sees how wet you are

basilio removes your panties before rushing to sniff your cunt, groaning in delight--you’re sure his eyes roll to the back of his head before he dives into your cunt

you moan into crispin’s cock and he grunts, shoving more of his cock into your mouth, now moving faster, “i really wanna cum down your throat baby, would you let me?”

you nod and he pushes his cock all the way into your mouth, your nose practically touching his groin and pubes

you gag, for a moment panicked as you try to breathe in, while crispin just eyes you, his cock growing ever harder when he looks at your face wet with tears and drool, he grabs your hair, softly at first, to make sure you’re okay, and when you nod crispin groans as he sets up his pace, groaning as he feels his orgasm building

basilio, meanwhile, is licking and sucking your clit with three fingers knuckles deep in your cunt, and when he starts to feel you spasming, a telltale sign that your orgasm is approaching, he pulls his mouth and fingers out and quickly replacing them with his fat cock

immediately, you and basilio both groan, your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel yourself so full of cock

basilio curses under his breath before taking your legs and resting them against his shoulders “fuck, y/n, im sorry i’m not gonna last long” “your pussy got me so fucking hard you tasted so good baby, you know how much i love your little pussy, right?”

crispin groans at this before he pulls his cock out of your mouth, leaning down to kiss you, he then moves down your neck and your tits, making sure he marks your chest

basilio whimpers and thrusts three more times before releasing a long groan, his cum exploding deep in your pussy “fuck baby you feel so good” he manages to pull out and you see his cock wet with his cum and your juices before settling beside you, panting harshly

you barely had the type to recuperate before crispin flips you on your stomach, making sure your face is resting on the pillows before he thrusts into you with a grunt

“fuck, still a tight little pussy after basilio rammed your cunt, huh?”

your eyes rolling, you couldnt do much other than hold onto the sheets and basilio’s hand, moaning loudly when you feel crispin’s fingers on your clit

“can you take one more, y/n? can your pussy take one more load?”

speechless, you nod, trying to grind your ass against crispin’s hips, but his hands on your hips hold you firm

he grunts approvingly, “good baby, take it deep in your pussy okay? and cum on my cock, baby, i wanna feel it”

you cum on his cock, almost violently, and twins groan at the sound of your moaning, and the sight of you spasming and shaking on crispin’s cock

a couple of deep thrusts later, crispin also cums deep into your pussy, his cum now mixed with basilio’s

crispin moves to get a washcloth to clean the three of you up, before all three of you collapse in bed, huddled together, basilio with his arms wrapped from behind--already falling asleep, you rest your head against crispin’s arm

“so, no more nudes when you’re at work?”

crispin laughs softly before pressing a kiss on your forehead, “unless your cunt is ready to take two cocks at once, no nudes when we’re at work”

[ericsangyeon]

addicted - l.sy

‘He was like fire, she was his igniter. Together they were each other's addictions.”

pairing: sangyeon x female! reader

word count: 7.0k

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive

theme: gang au sorta??

warnings: SMUT!!, profanity, drinking, guns, blood, kidnapping, bang chan and skz are villians

a/n: hey guys! i wanted to try writing a fic bc why not! this is my first tme ever writing smut so be nice. also this was edited many times but there could be mistakes so just bare with me. enjoy it! i worked really hard hehe -t :D

playlist moodboard

~

“Kevin oh my god. I'm not going to that criminal ball.” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“Pretty please? You can finally meet Jacob! And I'm pretty sure a certain someone wants you there too,” Kevin smirks from the other side of the work area. I stop cleaning the countertops and stare up at him with wide eyes.

Kevin, and his boyfriend Jacob, are members of the underground mafia group TBZ, which never gets brought up when I'm with Kevin because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. That was until Lee Sangyeon came into the picture. Sangyeon is the leader and “big boss” (as Kevin calls him) of TBZ, and has somehow found interest in me. Ever since Kevin brought him into the cafe a month ago during one of my shifts, I kept bumping into him everywhere. From work, to campus, to even near my apartment. He tries to make small talk with me, which I always ignore and keep distance from him. I see him all the time despite wanting to, and I want nothing to do with him…. even though he literally looks and talks like an angel sent from heaven. I'm positive there is some sort of an attraction between the two of us. But don't tell anyone I said that. Lee Sangyeon is hopelessly attractive and I couldn't help myself to have developed a crush on him. If it wasn't for his shady career choice, I would have hooked up with him in an instant.

“How many times do I have to tell you Kevin? I want nothing to do with him,” I cry while Kevin snickers.

“He's not even that bad, he only hurts people who have wronged him” Kevin explains.”But never mind about him, Jacob really wants to meet you and you said you’re free Friday so please, please pl-”

“Fine oh my god.” I huff while Kevin claps, pleased with himself. “One problem, I have nothing to wear.”

“Not to worry about that sweetheart, I got that covered. Just text me your measurements.” Kevin says. I was going to try to argue with him but I knew he would win no matter what, so I just shot him a thumbs up.

“Anyways babes I gotta go to class now. See ya y/n!” Kevin grins, blew me an air kiss which I caught with a small smile, and walked out of the cafe.

I sigh and put the cleaning supplies away. As I went to greet a customer, all I could think was - it's just a ball, with your best friend and his boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

~

On Thursday night, as I was getting ready to make dinner, there was a knock on my apartment door. I went to answer it, but found no one there when I opened it. Instead, a white box with a small bag on top, both had my name on it. “Oh yes.” I thought to myself. “The criminal ball.”

I grabbed both items and brought them to my room to open them. I unsecure the first box to be greeted to white tissue paper and a note on top, which I pick up and read the writing.

“This colour will look ravishing on you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Or at least that's what I thought it said. It was written in a script that I had never seen before, and it certainly wasn't Kevin’s handwriting. Maybe Jacob’s? I put the note aside and unwrap the tissue paper to take out the dress and my jaw drops. I pull out a ball gown that was wine red and had a lace strapless top with a semi-poofy skirt attached. Below it were gold open toed high heels. I laid everything down on my bed and reached for the small bag that was on top. Without checking first, I pull out what was in that bag and gasp. In my hands is a beautiful gold mask with black silk fabric to wrap around my eyes. Fuck. Kevin never mentioned it being a masquerade ball? Now I have a higher chance of running into Lee Sangyeon since I probably won’t be able to tell who's who.

I send Kevin a quick text saying thank you for the dress, cursing him out for not telling me that piece of info. To finish my day, I made my dinner and went to bed early.

~

Friday night at 6:45pm, found me applying my last coat of lipstick as I stood up from my vanity chair. Staring back at me in the mirror was a completely different person. I loosely curled my long straight hair so it was falling down my back in waves. My makeup was not too heavy, yet not too light. My eyeshadow was a nude colour to contrast with my mask, as well as my lipstick was wine red to match my gown. The dress and shoes fit me perfectly (thanks Kevin), as well as the finishing touch, the gold mask.

My phone beeps and I looked down to see a text that the car Kevin sent for me was here, so I grabbed my phone and clutch and locked up my apartment. “Goodbye bed, I’ll see you later tonight.” I thought to myself, smirking.

The car waiting for me downstairs was gorgeous and sleek, and when I entered the back seat, the driver tipped his hat at me and we were on our way.

After driving 20 mins out of the city, the driver turns onto a single sided road where in the distance, I could see a huge house with bright lights shining.

“Oh my god.” I whispered to myself as the driver pulled up to a mansion - no - castle with a staircase leading to the entrance. The car stops and I could feel myself start to get nauseous. The driver came to open my door, lending me a hand so I could get out of the car safely.

“Have a great evening, Miss y/n.”

“Thank you, I do hope so.” I smile softly as I turned to walk up the staircase on this warm June evening.

As I was walking in the big hallway that led to what I'm guessing is the ballroom, I went over my rules for tonight. 1) Don't trip 2) stay with Kevin 3) avoid Sangyeon at all costs.

But of course, when the guards opened the big double doors for me to enter, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me as I walked further into the room. I see someone come forward from the crowd of people and my eyes go wide because I know it is not Kevin or Jacob.

Lee Sangyeon is walking towards me like he had been waiting for this moment, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He looks amazing of course, like a walking marble statue that came to life. His light brown hair was pushed back to reveal his amazing eyebrows and smirking lips and he was dressed in a black velvet suit that was so low cut that I could see a glimpse of his defined pecs. He wore a black velvet mask over his brown eyes. Sangyeon had me very much weak at the knees right now so thank god everyone went back to minding their own business.

“Y/n! I'm so glad you could make it.” He smiles at me. That goddamn smile. “You look exquisite.” Sangyeon said to me as he reached down, grabs my hand and softly kisses it while staring at me.

My breath hitches. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I softly smile at him. “Now excuse me,” I whisper, attempting to create some distance. But his hand on mine got tighter.  “May I have this dance?” Sangyeon asks. I nod my head, not sure what took over me. He softly smiles at me and leads me toward the dance floor, where other couples are dancing already. As we were nearing the dance floor, I felt myself trip over my gown. Before I could faceplant with the floor, rough hands were on my waist pulling me up.

“Be careful y/n.” Sangyeon chuckles and I thought I would throw up on his designer shoes.

He puts my hands on his neck and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. Sangyeon starts to sway me back and forth, eyes never leaving mine. As we danced for a few minutes, I felt his thumb lightly brush against my hip bone and I saw him slightly leaning his face towards mine. I finally jumped out of the trance he put me in and unwrapped my arms from his neck.

“I can’t do this. Excuse me.” I told Sangyeon as I brushed past him, leaving him on the dancefloor alone.

I speed walk over to the bar and spot a familiar black head of curls standing with a brunette boy wearing a similar tux.

“Where have you been, asshole?” I yell behind Kevin, making him jump and then smile at me.

“Hey y/n you made it! Meet Jacob, my boyfriend.” He gestures towards the man next to him wearing the same mask.

“Nice to meet you, Jacob. Kev, I'm getting a drink and then calling a cab to leave. I can’t be here.” I say while looking around.

Before Kevin could say anything back, I turned my back to him and ordered red wine from the nearest bartender. I sigh and drink my wine and look over at the guy who is standing next to me.

“Rough night?’ He smiles at me.

“You could say that.” I smile back as I drank more of my wine.

He chuckles and extends his hand to me.”I’m Bang Chan.”

“Y/n.” I shake his hand back.

His smile faded once I said my name.”You’re Lee’s girl?”

I stare wide eyed at him. “I'm who's girl??”

Before he could answer me, a body was standing between us. Sangyeon.

“Piss off Bang, she's mine.” Sangyeon growls at him.

“Excuse me?” I said but no one seems to hear me.

“Chill out Lee, I was just getting to know her, but I’ll leave.” Bang Chan waves bye to me behind Sangyeon’s back and walks away.

Sangyeon turned around and looked at me, his defined jaw clenching tightly.

“Y/n, we are leaving.” He states.

“I am not going anywhere with you!” I yell back while a muscle in his jaw twitches as he clenches  his hands into a fist.

“Y/n. I suggest you go with him before he tries to shoot someone, because he will.” Kevin appears and says behind me, squeezing my shoulder. I just nod my head at Sangyeon. Kevin would never put me in danger. Right?

Before I could even say bye, Sangyeon grabs my hand and is leading me out the ballroom door, out of the castle and towards his car.

He opens the passenger seat car door for me. “Get in.” He says to me. I glare at him as I get in slowly.

Sangyeon shuts the door and walks over to the driver side, gets in, takes his mask off, and starts the car without even saying anything. And we are off to god knows where.

The entire drive was silent. Sangyeon is gripping the wheel tightly, rough fingers scattered with rings turning white. I'm too scared to move, only moving my hands to remove my mask and my heels that were starting to hurt my feet.

20 minutes later, we are back in the city and Sangyeon is pulling into a parking garage surrounded by guards. He pulls into a parking spot, and leaves the car after stopping it. I open the car door to follow him, barefoot and all.

In the elevator I kept trying to glance over at Sangyeon, but he’s looking straight ahead, defined jaw still clenched. The elevator door opens and I gasp. I walk out behind Sangyeon to see a beautiful penthouse common area surrounded by glass windows overlooking the city night sky.

Before I could even admire the place and the city lights that surrounded the room, my back is being pushed against a hard wall to face a livid Sangyeon. He grabs  my wrists and leans in.

“How dare you talk to other men, especially him.” Sangyeon growls in my ear. “You’re mine.”

I stare at him in disbelief as he faces me again. “I-I will never be yours. You can't tell me what to do.”

A smirk slowly appears on his face. “Oh yeah? We will see about that, princess.”

Before I could even think of a witty response back, Sangyeon grabbed my face and his lips were on mine, and I felt my tough interior crumble as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him even closer, bodies touching.

He kisses me again. And again. Like he is possessing me. And it was working as I kissed him back hard. “You are mine” Sangyeon whispers against my lips. “No one else’s.” Sangyeon starts kissing down my neck, lightly sucking on certain parts, while I’m biting my lip trying to hold back my moans. It felt so goddamn good, but I'm stubborn and didn't want him to have the upper hand. Sangyeon sucks hard on the crook of my neck, making me release my lips and moan as I feel him smirk against my neck. He won, I lost and now I am melting into his touch.

Sangyeon kisses my shoulders and exposed collarbones, stops and chuckles into the crook of my neck.

“You know I picked this dress for you. Not Kevin.” he says while unzipping my gown.

“What?” I whisper, shocked.

“You heard me.” Then my dress is on the ground, leaving me in just my black strapless bra and panties.  Sangyeon is staring at my body with lust covered eyes as I just stare back at him, both of us breathing heavily, a boner starting to appear in his velvet suit pants.

“Wow, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He says quickly before kissing me again hard on the lips, shoving each other's tongues deep inside our mouths.

“Jump” He mumbles against my mouth and I obey, wrapping my legs around him as he carries me to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

When we enter his room, he lays me down softly on the huge mattress and proceeds to take my bra off, leaving me topless.

“God, these tits.” I hear him growl as I hiss at the cold air hitting my bare breasts, but the hissing quickly turns into moans as Sangyeon takes my right nipple into his mouth and sucks on it while playing with the other one using his hand.

“Fuck.” I moan loudly, mouth parting.

After rotating, sucking and playing with my breasts, Sangyeon removes his mouth from my nipple and starts to kiss down my stomach, inching towards my panties.

“You're such a good girl for me.” He coos on my stomach as I moan and squirm. Sangyeon brushes his fingers lightly against the fabric of my panties and looks up at me and mouths “you sure?” I nod my head back. He smiles before removing my panties with his teeth. I am now bare naked in front of a fully clothed Lee Sangyeon.

Sangyeon positions himself right in front of my pussy and spreads my legs open as I gasp and watch him lean down. He kisses and sucks on both my thighs, guaranteeing hickeys in those spots later on.

“You’re so fucking ethereal, Y/n.” Sangyeon mumbles and kisses the tops of my thighs softly, and before I could even think, his mouth was on my clit and I scream.

“FUCK Sangyeon oh my god!” I arch my back and moan loud as he licks into my clit.

“So wet me for me already.” He murmurs against my pussy.

He starts to suck and kiss my clit and I can’t breathe. I could feel his tongue exploring my entire pussy, eating it up as if it was his favorite food. My hands found his soft light brown hair and as I ran my hands through it, he sucked on my clit even harder. After for what seemed like seconds, Sangyeon comes up for air and proceeds to put a finger slowly in my hole, pumping in and out.

“You tasted so good, I can’t wait to see how you take my fingers and then my cock.” Sangyeon rasps out as he adds another finger as I'm a moaning mess below him.

“FUCK! Im gonna-” “Cum for me babygirl.” He says while pumping his fingers faster. I arch my back and scream his name while I cum onto his rough digits. He removes them from my pussy and sucks on the juices that got on them.

“Tastes so sweet.” He says while licking his fingers clean and staring directly at my hooded eyes and parted mouth.

Before I can even catch my breath, his lips are on mine quickly, stands up from the bed and unbuttons his blazer, revealing his amazing toned upper body and taking off his pants and boxers, cock slapping against his abs. He was huge, I gulp knowing that that's going to be inside me soon.

“I'm on the pill!” I hear myself blurt out. Sangyeon chuckles at that.

“Good to know y/n.” He says with a smile while running a hand through his hair before positioning himself over my body, hands on each side of me and aligning his cock with my hole.

“This is gonna hurt.” I thought to myself, since the last time I had sex was high school and it was awful to say the least.

Sangyeon starts to slide his dick in slowly and I can’t breathe again.

“Fuck. You're such a tight baby girl.” He rasps out as I let out a string of curses.

Sangyon thrusts into me slowly at first, but when he realizes i'm no longer screaming and just moaning, he removes his cock and slams it back into me hard and fast, which makes me lose my mind. He swears under his breath a few times before he speeds up the movements. I wrap my arms and legs around him, leaving scratches on his back as he leans closer to me and touches his forehead with mine.

“You're so beautiful sprawled out like this under me princess.” he growls into my ear as he thrusts even harder into my pussy, making both of us swear and moan each other's names as I move my hands from his back to his hair and he moves his to play with my nipples.

Between Sangyeon pinching my nipples and his cock tearing me open, the pleasure flowing through right now is something I have never felt before.

“Shit y/n!” Sangyeon grunts and thrusts hard once more into my pussy and pulls his dick out and uses his right hand to pump out his orgasm all over my stomach. His other hand reaches down to rub my clit in circles while kissing my neck and leaving more hickeys to help ride out my second orgasm of the night.

“Fuck Sangyeon!” I scream as I release all over his fingers once again. He licks it up again and mumbles “so sweet princess.” while looking at my dilated pupils.

He gets off me and rolls over so that he's beside my overstimulated body but head is tilted towards my direction.

“Are you okay?” Sangyeon asks me, concerned eyes looking over my shaking body that's struggling to even look at where he is.

“I'm amazing.” I respond back softly, him sighing in relief as he strokes my cheek with his knuckle.

“I've wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers and smiles softly at me.

“Me too.” I whisper back smiling as he kisses my lips softly and jumps out of bed, and runs into the connected bathroom fully naked leaving me alone in his huge bed, body paralyzed.

Sangyeon returns with a washcloth and a bowl of warm water and moves my shaking body so I'm lying on his leg while he dips the cloth in the water and starts to clean me up.

“You did so well for me. You were so beautiful when you came. So beautiful for me.” He murmurs to me fondly, rubbing the cloth over my body tenderly as I'm falling in and out of slumber. As I fall asleep, Sangyeon gets into bed next to me and tucks us both in. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest.

“What a night.” I think to myself before dozing off in Sangyeons strong arms, moonlight shining through the huge windows.

Tomorrow is a new day, where we decide what happens next. But one thing's for sure.

I am addicted to Lee Sangyeon.

~

Light shines through the windows as I open my eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding, and then it hits me. I had mindblowing sex with Lee Sangyeon and now I am lying naked, tangled in his bedsheets. I feel an arm loosely draped around my bare waist. As I sigh and glance over next to me, I find Sangyeon lying on his side, staring at me with fond eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispers to me in his deep morning voice. Swoon.

“Good morning, handsome.” I whisper back to him with a smile on my face.

I untangle myself from his arm, and attach my lips softly to his. Sangyeon does not react at first, but proceeds to kiss me back softly and full of tenderness as he cups my face into his hands. I break the kiss and lay my head on his bare chest.

“Last night was amazing.” Sangyeon murmurs into my hair and kisses my temple as I nod back.

Oh fuck, I just remembered. I sat up and faced the man with wide eyes.

“What's wrong baby?” Sangyeon asks, genuinely concerned.

“Fuck, what do I tell Kevin?” I gape at him.

Sangyeon chuckles loudly, eyes crinkling as he grabs my waist and pulls me down towards him. He tickles me, making me laugh.

After lying in bed for what seemed like hours and just talking, Sangyeon reaches over to the night table next to him. He grabs his phone and starts to furiously type as I just stare at his fingers flying across the screen.

“I told Jacob he is in charge over at the house this weekend, which means I get to spend it all with you.” He says as he puts his phone back down. Apparently, now I was spending the weekend at Sangyeon’s luxury penthouse. Good thing I didn’t have work this weekend.

After taking a shower in Sangyeon’s massive ensuite bathroom (and looking at myself in the mirror, in shock at the sight of my hickeys across my body), I changed into the clothes he left me, which seems to be his boxers and a blue and pink pullover sweater. I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to find a very shirtless Sangyeon putting waffles on the island counter. He briefly explained to me earlier that he sent all his staff home, including his cooks, so it could just be us in the penthouse.

“Wow, waffles? You really know the way to a girl's heart.” I say amused as I take a seat on one of the island chairs.

He laughs loud and leans over the island, arms resting on the counter. “It's one of the only things I know how to make, so expect take out the rest of the weekend.” Sangyeon says with a smile on his beautiful face as I wolfed down the waffles in front of me.

“One day I’ll teach you how to cook.” I wink at him.

Sangyeon grabs my hand softly and rubs his thumb over my knuckles and kisses them softly. “I would love that, y/n.” He says with a smile on his face.

The rest of the day is spent just relaxing. Sangyeon shows me around his penthouse, from his impressive indoor gym to his walk in closet in which he implies that will once be mine as well. I ignore his comment. Afterwards, he shows me the tv room where a massive flat screen was attached to the wall and asks me to pick a movie, which I pick The Notebook.

“Really y/n?” Sangyeon rolls his eyes as he sets the movie up.

“Yes Sangyeon really. Now come sit here and enjoy.” I respond as I pat the spot on the leather couch next to me.

After the movie, and laughing at an almost crying Sangyeon, I go to retrieve my phone from my clutch to find 15 missed calls from Kevin.

“Oh good! He didn't kill you!” Kevin cries in my ear after picking up after the first ring.

“Yes Kev, I'm totally fine.” I respond quietly.

“Did you guys fuck?” Kevin asks and when I don’t respond, he screams into the phone, which makes me cringe and move the device away from my ear.

“OMG I KNEW IT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! WAS HIS DICK AS BIG AS JACOB AND I THOUGHT?” He yells into the phone as I softly chuckle and proceeds to tell everything to a panicking Kevin.

“Holy shit. I owe Eric $50.” Kevin sighs into the phone after I explained everything to him.

“You were betting on me? Anyways I don't even wanna know.” I say annoyed.

“Are you guys like a thing now?” He asks me.

“I'm not entirely sure.” I reply unsure.

“Well no matter what, I support you sweetcheeks.” Kevin assures.

I snort. “Thanks Kev, right back at you. Gotta go now eat dinner, I'll update you later.”

Kevin laughs. “Enjoy Sangyeons big d-” I hung up on him.

That night found Sangyeon and I, fully clothed, cuddled in bed and holding each other, just listening to each other's heartbeat and making small talk.

“Sangyeon, how did you become the leader of TBZ?” I asked, looking up at him from where my head was on his chest.

He sighs and looks straight ahead. “For generations, a Lee has always led the gang, no matter what. It was between my cousins and myself, but my elders picked me, as my dad was the former leader before he passed and I've always been a leader, even since I was a young boy,” Sangyeon replies.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to him. He smiles softly and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t worry about me princess. Tell me, what are you studying?” He asks me.

“I'm studying childhood studies and english lit  so after I graduate I can enroll in a teachers college. I wanna be an elementary school teacher.” I answer him proudly.

Sangyeon smiles at me fondly. “You will be an amazing teacher.” He says while stroking my face with his hands. He kisses me softly as I melt into his touch.

After not being so sure about Sangyeon, I have come to realize how amazing he is. I can feel myself starting to like him more and more each day.

I am his and he is mine and in the end, it's him and I.

~

Months pass, and Sangyeon and I can’t get enough of each other. Everyday when I finish my shift at work, he picks me up and we either go to his place or mine to have dinner. Last week I even taught him how to boil pasta! But, sometimes we don’t even make it to dinner because I end up riding him in the back of his luxury car. Whoops.

One day while we were lying in bed after having sex, I sat up.

“Wait Sangyeon, what are we?” I asked him, facing where he was lying on his back.

Sangyeon sat up next to me.  “Well y/n, I'm extremely fond of you and think you are the most intelligent and beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, and I wish to give you nothing but happiness and satisfaction. I would love nothing more than for you to be my girlfriend,” He says to me, a glimmer in his eyes.

I stare at him, shocked because no one has ever said anything like this to me, and then I felt myself smile at him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

“Yes Lee Sangyeon, I will be your girlfriend. I will be yours.”

He smiles wide back at me. “Then you are all mine.” He whispers back as he connects his lips with mine for a passionate kiss.

Kevin thinks it’s hilarious that I wear more turtlenecks more often, which always makes me turn beet red. Because when Sangyeon and I have sex, he doesn’t just bite, he chews on my body like a fucking dog (“Doesnt it feel so good though?” “Kevin I swear to god.”) I have also gotten to meet Sangyeon’s entire gang, made up of 11 men including himself, and watching Sangyeon speak to them so confidently and leader-like makes my heart flutter. Yeah, I definitely think I’ve fallen in love with Lee Sangyeon.

A rainy Thursday afternoon found me finishing up my shift at work, getting ready to close the cafe as the only employee left. Sangyeon had texted me earlier saying he couldn't pick me up today due to an important meeting, so I was stuck walking home alone. Which was fine with me since my apartment was only a ten minute walk from the cafe.

As I was locking up the cafe doors, I heard a car engine behind me. I turned around smiling, expecting to see Sangyeon, but my smile faded, when the window opened and Bang Chan was in the passenger seat, pointing a gun at me.

“Y/n. Get in the car right now so no one gets hurt.” He commands me in a monotone voice.

“Never.” I sneer back at him and start to back away from the car.

“Fine. Guess we are doing this the hard way.” He replies.

Before I could sprint away, someone appeared behind me, put a cloth to my mouth and grabbed my waist. As the world around me went black, all I could think was, “Lee Sangyeon is going to murder you for stealing his girl.”

Blood. Blood is dripping from a gash in my forehead when I regain consciousness. I look around frantically to find myself in what looked like an abandoned warehouse with my hands and legs tied together with heavy rope.

“Help!” I scream loudly, but that did not do anything for my situation. Instead, Bang Chan enters with another man holding a rifle and I feel another scream forming in my throat. The rope tied around my hands and legs were digging into my flesh and I could feel blood emerging from them.

“Ah y/n! Lee’s playtoy! Glad to see you awake!” Bang Chan claps and smiles at me wickedly while I just glare back.

“TBZ knows you're with us sweetheart.” He says. “We told them it's either you or the money.”

My mouth opens and then closes. “What money? I swear I don't know anything, he never tells me about his work,” I cry to him.

“LIES!” Bang Chan screams. “Han. Go get her.” The other man - Han - walks over to me, ignites the rifle and puts it against my head hard. I start to cry even harder and squirm in my spot even though I feel the rope burning getting worse.

“We are going to try this again y/n. Where is the money?” Bang Chan yells into my face. I spat at him and Han forced the gun to my already bleeding forehead harder.

“I'm done. Shoot her.” Bang Chan shouts.

“No, please don't shoot!” I cry, knowing nothing will make a difference.

As I felt Han press down on the trigger, I stop thrashing and sat still. At this point, there was nothing I could do to stop this myself.

Lee Sangyeon, don't forget about me.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!” A familiar voice yells behind Bang Chan.

I wail loud with my last bit of strength I had.  “Help m-” BOOM!

Around me, I see the building collapse, rubble hitting my head as it knocks me over. Gunshots were loud and clear although my ears were ringing loud.

The last thing I remember before blacking out again were strong arms pulling me out of rubble.

Beeping. White ceiling. That is what I see and hear when I finally regain consciousness again. Looking around the plain room, I can see that I’m in a hospital bed. There is a bandage on my head and I can feel both my wrists and feet bandaged tightly, as well as an IV in my right arm. I move my head to the right slowly to the hallway window and see guards are positioned outside the hospital room. “Anything for Lee Sangyeon’s girl.” I think to myself and chuckle.

Wait. Sangyeon. Where is he? Is he alive?

“Hey sweet cheeks.” I hear a voice from the other side of the room. I slowly turn my head to see Kevin standing up from the couch that is in front of my bed and smiling at me.

“I'm glad you're okay. You woke up earlier than the doctors thought. You don’t have to worry about the Stray Kids gang anymore. They all died in the explosion.” He explains to me.

I nod my head slowly.

“Sangyeon. Where is Sangyeon?” I rasp out to Kevin.

Kevin softly smirks and shakes his head at the ground. “He's okay, he was here a few minutes ago, he hasn’t left your side in days. I’ll go get him, he's just getting his bandages touched up. He got injured in the explosion while pulling you out of the rubble.” Kevin tells me as I feel tears in my eyes. He would’ve sacrificed himself to save my life.

After patting my head softly, Kevin left the room to get Sangyeon, leaving me alone crying softly.

“Y/n.” I gasp and sit up and look towards the door, where the love of my life, Lee Sangyeon is standing with white bandages on his left arm and tears streaming down his scratched up, but beautiful face. Seeing him standing in front of me, makes me cry even harder. Without saying anything, I rip the IV out of my arm, slide out of the bed and jump into Sangyeons arms, and engulf him in a hug, which he gladly returns.

“I thought I lost you.” I cry into his shoulder as he sits down on the bed with me on his lap. I move my head to stare into his beautiful eyes, that still have his usual shimmer, even after all that has happened. “You'll never lose me.” He whispers fondly as he cups my face in his hands and wipes away my tears softly with his right thumb.

Sangyeon held me like I was a broken doll, fragile but sweet. He whispered sorry to me over and over again, which I quickly shushed and ran a bandaged hand through his soft brown hair.

“I love you so much.” I say to him, grabbing his neck softly and pulling him towards me.

“I love you more princess.” He says while smiling wide at me, which made me smile back at him as we connected foreheads.

~

“God Sangyeon. Go take a shower you stink.” I say to him as we enter his penthouse after being in the hospital for days, which ended with the doctor clearing both of us. I got the bandages on my head, hands, and feet, and he got his bandages removed.

“And you don’t smell y/n?” He smirks at me as I scoff. “Shower with me.” He says, eyes darkening as my breath hitches.

“Okay.” I nod, and we are on our way to his huge ensuite bathroom.

We both strip out of our dirty clothes and get into the massive glass shower, me going in first with Sangyeon following.

I watch him pump the liquid from the shampoo bottle into his hands, and lather the shampoo into my hair as he stands behind me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Y/n” Sangyeon tells me as I lean my back into his chest. His hands lightly trace my body, lingering on my lower stomach and my breasts. I could feel his erection growing, and being the little greedy bitch I am, I grind down on it slowly. All of a sudden, he turns me around and attaches his lips to mine hard, and we are both caught in a rough make out session. He breaks the kiss and stares at me with lust clouded eyes.

“Are you gonna take care of this princess?” Sangyeon asks me while his eyes are motioning to his cock.

“Yes Sir.” I reply, not sure where that came from, as he pushes my shoulders down lightly and I feel myself fall to my knees.

Without thinking, I grab his hard cock with my hands and pump it a few times.I licked the slit tasting the precum that had come out, before sinking my mouth down his shaft softly, making him swear under his breath.

“Fuck you’re such a good girl. You suck my cock so well.” He hisses while grabbing my hair and guiding my head back and forth while I lap up his precum. He guides my head so that I swallow his cock and I gag on it a bit, which makes him growl loudly. My watering eyes glanced up at Sangyeon to see his head tilted back, mouth open partially.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum. Gonna dirty up that hot mouth of yours.” Sangyeon rasps out as I feel his hot cum go down my throat as he rides out his orgasm. I release myself from his dripping cock and swallow the cum that had landed in my mouth.

“Fuck y/n. Princess. You're so good at that.” He cooes at me while helping me stand up and kisses me quickly and firmly on the mouth.

“Do I get something for being good, Sir?” I ask him while batting my eyes together, trying to pout as much as I could.

“That depends, what do you want? You want me to fuck you in this shower until you can't walk” He asks me loudly.

“God yes!” I answer him. Sangyeon picks me up like I weigh nothing as I wrap my legs and arms around his broad body.

“FUCK!” I scream as Sangyeon slams his cock into my pussy without any warning.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit.” Sangyeon curses under his breath.

I moan like crazy as Sangyeon fucks me hard, every thrust hitting my g-spot.

“You feel so good y/n. Your tight pussy feels amazing around my cock.” He rasps out before sucking on my jaw, making me arch my back and moan. I could feel my orgasm coming already. Sangyeon is a sex god and he knew how to have me cumming within seconds.

“I'm gonna cum in you, y/n, ok? I want you to feel my hot cum inside of you.” He growls in my ear as I loudly moan. I couldn't even answer him, I just nodded my head while leaving scratches on his back.

“FUCK!” We both scream and cum at the same time, I shudder feeling Sangyeons hot load entering my pussy. He drops his head onto my shoulder, whispering praise in my ear as I'm shaking in his arms. Both of us panting and sweating, even underneath the water. When he pulls his cock out, his cum and my cum is dripping fast out of my pussy. Sangyeon puts me down but I start to fall over, so he catches me and starts to snicker.

“Well I guess we have to take a real shower now and clean ourselves up.” He says amusingly as I roll my eyes and smack his chest as he laughs.

~

June 2021, I finally graduate college! As my name is being called, shouts and cheers come from the audience as I look and see the entire TBZ gang jumping up and down. My smile grows even bigger when I'm shaking the headmaster's hand and see Sangyeon, my boyfriend of one year, in the audience holding a bouquet of red roses with a huge proud smile on his face. After enrolling in teacher’s college and officially moving in with Sangyeon, Kevin announces to everyone over a gang family dinner that he and Jacob are getting married, and that I'm his best person, which makes the whole gang erupt in chaos. Sangyeon has to calm everyone down, and congratulates the happy couple fondly, knowing that everyone will be as supportive when he finally asks his best girl to marry him.

Two months later I found myself at the MoonBae wedding. During the reception, Kevin calls all the non-married men and women to the dance floor so he can throw the bouquet. What shocks everyone the most is when I catch it, making Kevin and Jacob both scream and tackle me in a hug. Sangyeon chokes on his glass of scotch and turns purple watching the whole event unfold.

Sangyeon proposes to me one quiet night four months after Kevin and Jacob’s wedding as we are both drinking wine and watching the sunset on his penthouse balcony.

“Y/n, You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” He says to me with tears in eyes as he gets down on one knee. “Will you marry me?” Sangyeon asks.

“Yes! Of course I’ll marry you. ” I answer him crying.

Sangyeon smiles wide at me and picks me up and spins me around before kissing me passionately.

“I love you so much y/n l/n.”

“I love you more Lee Sangyeon.”

“You’re mine forever.”

“And I'm yours.”

well i hope you enjoyed! sorry if it was bad or rushed again it was my first time hehe

stream breaking dawn and support tbz on kingdom :D

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

When in Rome: TA Edition

This is a sequel to When in Rome: Frat Edition.

Summary: You’re the ambassador of the celibacy club, forced to go to a Roman-themed frat party to find your club members before they lose their purity. Among the faces you see at the party is your biggest enemy, Namjoon Kim, who also happens to be a TA so you have to meet up with him for dreaded tutoring sessions. What happens when you run into him at that same party on the night you’re supposed to be hosting a club meeting? You’re in luck, today he’s feeling slightly more submissive than usual...

Words: 4.4k

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Smut, pwp, enemies-to-lovers (low-key)

Warnings: Masturbation (m & f), voyeurism, riding, graphic descriptions of straight sex, dom/sub dynamics, sub Joon, dom reader, choking

You stare at your reflection in the mirror in the back of the room. It doesn’t look like anyone will be attending your meeting today. It’s half past 7 and the sun is already setting. You were supposed to meet your three other club members 20 minutes ago, what was taking them so long? Your phone chimes with a text all of a sudden, your attention focused on the single text it reads: 

Suddenly, you’re determined to go to that party and find those girls who decided to take back their vow of innocence. You knew you should’ve forced them to wear the chastity belts.

The reason why you’re so keen on finding them before it’s too late? You experienced the loss of losing your first partner. Your boyfriend, who was the leader of a gang ended up dying in a motorcycle crash, he was your first love and your first sexual partner.

After he passed, you felt dirty. You kept craving sex, every day, every second, every hour. Even when you were eating dinner with your family, that’s all you could think of. Maybe even making eye contact with a stranger. Sex. You needed it, your body was yearning for it.

Finally, you gave in. You decided to select a random as your second, and you felt relief from something being inside of you. The numerous trips to the club ended with you in a hotel room with a man who could do the job. Slowly, you had become numb. The sex was starting to feel boring, you were craving an emotional connection. So, you decided to stop for a bit.

That’s when you met Hyerin. She was handing out flyers and stopped you while you were passing by. She told you to come to the Celibacy club orientation and you felt strange. You never once thought of shutting your legs completely, you thought you were ruined after sleeping around so much. She also revealed she wasn’t a Virgin, and she had the same problem in high school. She decided to take a vow of no more sex before marriage and she joined the club two years ago. You missed her guidance. She was like a sister to you and you couldn’t think of what she would say about your leadership. 

You regretted taking it so lightly at first, since you couldn’t even keep three recruits in line. Luckily, the party was close by, so you could walk to the house.

You liked the environment, surprisingly. Even if it brought back memories of the club, you felt like you were facing your fears again. You didn’t avoid parties on purpose, you just felt like you always had something better to do.

“Isn’t this a pleasant surprise?” That voice. You knew that voice anywhere. It was Namjoon. Blech.

“Namjoon? What are you doing here?” You fold your arms as he reaches past you. You close your eyes, slightly uncomfortable from his close proximity.

“I’m grabbing a snack. You’re standing in front of the snack table, if you want drugs you should head over to table two in the back. Ricardo’s selling some good stuff over there.” You can’t believe Namjoon is actually letting people do illegal stuff at this party.

“I don’t want drugs. I’m looking for three girls, all freshmen. They’re actually triplets, Misa, Lisa, and Keisha. Do you know where they might be?” The tall blond shakes his head, popping a pistachio into his mouth.

“Sorry, I have no clue. Although, I might have seen Lisa around. Is she the brunette with that silver streak in her hair?” He describes the girl perfectly. The girls have that one trait which is prominent, even if they dye their hair different colors. Lisa has a natural hair color, different from her sisters since they dyed their hair and she didn’t. Keisha and Misa were easy to pick out because they had silver streaks in their hair too, and Keisha dyed hers blue while Misa dyed hers blond. They were all born with natural brown hair, you remember it from their introductions on the first day after they joined the club. You didn’t realize you’d miss them this much.

“Yes, it’s a trait that runs in her family! You have to come with me, show me where you saw her last.” You pull Namjoon along with you, despite hating his guts. He was a player and for some reason these stupid girls think of him as a heartthrob. Those dimples are attractive, you have to admit, but that doesn’t mean you should crawl into bed with them! You respect your body.

“Wait, I don’t want to find a freshman. I wanna get laid with one of those hot senior girls.” You glare daggers at the boy as he peers down at you. You were a couple inches shorter than him, taller than the average height as well. At least he couldn’t call you short. Being tall did have one downside though: you were flat chested.

“Was it in this hallway? Where the fuck are the stairs?! Ughhh what if we’re too late? I don’t want to have any blood on my hands. She’s gonna regret this…” You look around the room, eyeing every girl carefully before Namjoon turns you around. “What?!” You snap at him, as he puts a hand on your cheek. You didn’t know why but it calmed you down. 

“Take a chill pill, relax. If they’re with one of my boys, they’re safe. Why are you so worked up about them anyways?” You play with the strings of your hoodie as Namjoon stares at you intently. A man’s gaze has never made you feel butterflies. So why were you suddenly all light and floaty standing next to him?

“I’m the leader of the celibacy club. If I don’t protect them from losing their virginity, who else will? They made a vow when they joined but it seems that they’ve decided to do a full 180 and come here of all places for their first time,” You sound like you’re talking about one person when in fact you were talking about three. Namjoon understands your worry. He does the same with his students since he’s a tutor. “So why are you not dressed up like the others?” You ask out of courtesy, not because you’re actually curious.

“I just came from practice. I’m actually part of Yoongi Min’s band, so I have practice outside of office hours.” You wondered how he still managed to take time out of his day to tutor you. If this had been any other situation, you might have developed a crush on him. Now, you aren’t so sure about your feelings since your heart is in your stomach from worrying about the girls.

“It’s good to know that there’s someone here like me,” You share a brief 3 seconds staring at each other before you spot Misa behind the kitchen island. “Misa! Where are your sisters?” Namjoon follows closely behind you as you turn to the triplet with worry.

“They’re getting laid. I just finished a round of beer pong with this guy. Don’t worry about me, I’m not giving my virginity to some sweaty oaf that thinks he can get girls by flashing a smile at them.” You suddenly realize that she’s talking about Namjoon who is grinning widely at her from behind you. You punch him in the gut, leaving him hunched over as you say goodbye to your club member.

“You’re disgusting. Come, you’re gonna help me find the other girls.”

“No,” You whip your head around, seriously pissed at how he’s suddenly acting like this. Why do men always act the opposite of what you want them to act like? (It’s called free will duh) You always have to take it a step further and spell things out for them. Namjoon, however, is a fellow intellectual. He must understand when you tell him “Go,” and “stop.” Why was he suddenly protesting? What reason could he possibly have to—“Why are you trying to stop them from doing something they want to do? It’s not like they’re doing this because they’re pressured to. You said you’re the leader of the celibacy club, right?” He takes a step forward, taking your hand in his before leading you to the basement. You were surprised a house like this actually has a basement, and luckily no one else was here to interrupt you as you spoke. The party was loud and the music was booming loud enough for you to hear it even down in the dark.

He switches on a single naked bulb before plopping down on a vintage brown couch, patting the spot next to him. You sit down, silent as he continues lecturing. “A leader should guide, not rule. You were supposed to guide those girls to make the right decisions for themselves. Even if it seems like the wrong one, in the end I’m sure you taught them well.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, knowing exactly what the answer to your dumb question was. 

“You taught them the benefits of celibacy. I’m sure they took that information, processed it, and decided to proceed with doing what any teenage girl would do. I’m not saying all teens sleep around, but some people are curious. At this age, you can’t stop them from making their own decisions. Maybe this is a good thing, they’ll learn from their mistakes and grow. It’s a human thing.” You purse your lips to keep the tears from falling.

“I know. You’re right, you’re right. I think I should just leave now.”

“Wait! You should stay, please. Just stay with me and drink some Pepsi.” You take the cold drink from his hand as he shuts the mini-fridge door and switches on the t.v.

“I suppose I can stay longer. I finished my homework and I was supposed to have a club meeting but I guess that’s not happening now so…” You notice how Namjoon’s Adams’ Apple bobs up and down as he drinks the dark liquid in one go. He notices you staring, asking you what’s wrong as you quickly pull your eyes away from him, staring at the floor as you sip your drink lightly.

“What’s your position?” 

“Pardon?” 

“Are you a dom or sub?” You didn’t expect your conversation to take this turn but after conversing with all the boys in your high school you knew they would start talking about something dirty the moment they started a conversation with you at some point. This wasn’t dirty, though. It seemed that your tutor/TA actually wanted to know your stance.

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve always just laid down and let the guy do all the work. No foreplay, no kinky stuff, just me, the guy, and a bed.” Namjoon clicks his tongue in disapproval.

“Aw really? That’s too bad. I would’ve taken you as some sort of sex freak but I guess the boys were wrong about that…” Your heart drops.

“What boys?!” It couldn’t have been anyone else, you knew the men from the club seemed too familiar. Had you been sleeping with frat members since you were in high school?

“I’m just messing with you, no one said anything about you but if they did, I would’ve won the bet.” You sigh in relief, feeling more at ease around your TA now. Before, you just thought he was a snobby jerk who sweet-talks women into bed with him.

“Don’t joke around like that again. Plus, you haven’t told me what your position is yet, either. So what are you? Dom or sub?” He scratches the back of his neck.

“Geez, this is embarrassing. Okay, so I like taking charge but I also like being controlled. I guess you can call me a switch?” Now you were interested. You wouldn’t take Namjoon as the type of guy that let a woman do all the work in bed. Of course, there was something exhilarating about that, too. 

You were curious as to how the dom/sub dynamics would work if you were in bed with him. For a moment, you actually imagine yourself in a sensual situation with him. His big hands sliding down your back as your hips snap against his, you riding him as he squeezes your thigh, or fails to since you handcuffed him to the headboard so he can’t move from that one spot as you suck his skin on various parts of his body, hickies bright red and fresh as you—“Y/N? Do you like taking control?” 

Yes.

“Um, I don’t know? Yes?” You can feel the sweat beading across your forehead. You’re suddenly very hot, despite it being cooler down in the basement. 

“You’re sweating, why don’t you take off your shirt?”

“What?!” You exclaim as he yawns and rubs his neck.

“I said you should take off your sweatshirt.” You smile anxiously at him before pulling your sweatshirt above your head. You were currently feeling very sensitive, and you were sure that if he touched you, you would pounce on him like a lioness. 

You’re sure he can smell your arousal, as he slides an arm behind your shoulder as you lean back on the couch while he changes the channel. You aren’t paying much attention to the t.v before he switches the channel enough times to the point that you’ve reached the adult channels. 

If you weren’t blushing before, you certainly were now. A video of a woman getting on her knees to suck off a man with a ridiculously gigantic cock begins to play, the moist sound of her lips wrapping around his cock resonating around the room as it plays on the speakers.

“What the hell, Namjoon?! Have you no shame?” He laughs as you throw a pillow at him. 

“Wait, Wait, this is my favorite kind of porn, Wait for it,” You turn back to the screen reluctantly as the video fades to another one, this time the same woman is dressed in lingerie from head to toe, as the man is fully naked.

You watch as the blond wrings her hands around his neck, choking the man as he struggles to breathe but he still maintains that expression of obvious arousal. How was he actually into that? You weren’t into pain play and you knew Namjoon couldn’t possibly like being choked out either. “I love being choked. I’m into that kinky shit, handcuffs, blindfolds, you tell me.” 

You didn’t expect those words to come out of his mouth. At least now, you know there is such a world like that. One where women actually possess power over men. 

Your eyes wander down to Namjoon’s pants as he actually starts palming himself, one hand still behind your shoulder as you lean forward on the couch.

“What are you doing?” You finally break the awkward silence as the moans of the man on the screen continue, fogging your mind up with possibilities as the porno continues to play.

“Haven’t you masturbated before? This is the same thing. I’m just trying to get some relief,” At least he was honest.

You watch the porn in silence, with the exception of the moans on screen, and the ridiculous acting displayed by the porn stars. Why do they even bother trying to act? They should just have sex and that’s it.

You eventually find yourself mirroring Namjoon, trailing a finger up and down your jeans before Namjoon comes right out and says it: “You can take off your clothes if you want. I won’t touch you,” You start kicking off your jeans. “You can watch me too...if you want.” You don’t know where this sudden shyness from your TA was coming from. Normally he’s bossy, demanding, and very outgoing. Now, he was suddenly shy? You’re sure this has to do with the dom/sub thing he was speaking of earlier.

Your attention is half on the screen, and half on Namjoon as he pulls his dripping cock out of his boxers, languidly stroking the erection despite having you right in front of him. He wasn’t going to take advantage of you, he decided in his mind. He wanted to see how this played out, if this voyeuristic showcase would lead to something else.

You slip your fingers into your panties, letting out a cross between a moan and a whimper. You are so lost in your own pleasure that you fail to notice your yummy TA undressing you with his dark and mysterious eyes, his lips curling into a small smirk as he watches you toy with your pussy.

“What am I doing here? This is so wrong but it feels so good-ah.” You stare down with a dry mouth as your breath escapes you. You did not just cum. From watching an awful porno. Well, it wasn’t awful but you didn’t want to acknowledge it as a work of art, either. The actress gave you an idea of how to properly dominate a man. You’d never been one for loads of sex but you were willing to indulge in the pleasure for one night only since your club members were probably losing their virginity as you stay seated on the couch of a frat boy that you were pretty sure had some sort of STD.  

“You came already? Awww, dammit, I was so close to finishing.” Namjoon’s voice snaps you back to reality just so you can act on your impulse again.

“Uh-oh, looks like these are ruined. I’ll have to toss them aside. You don’t mind, do ya Joon?” Namjoon’s eyebrow twitches as he tries to figure out what your aim is. He knew you were innocent but it seems he has a case of ‘good girl gone bad’ right in front of him. As you turn your attention back to the t.v, every once in a while stroking your very wet labia, Namjoon’s cock seems to grow a little longer. 

“Okay, I can’t take it anymore. Please let me fuck you!” You’re surprised by how he snapped so quickly. Here you were thinking he didn’t want you anymore. How silly of you.

“Uh-uh. Let’s play a game first. You said you were into dom/sub dynamics, right? So how about you let me dominate you tonight and we can see where it goes from there?” Namjoon’s gaze softens as he decreases the volume, and you’re certainly sure that he can hear your racing heart by now as he manually switches off the television. He then undoes his pants and lets his boxers fall to the floor before turning his attention back to you.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What do you want me to do first?”

“On the floor, baby boy. I’m gonna ride you.” He groans as you slip him inside your throbbing hole, and you let out a sigh of pleasure before bouncing yourself up and down on his cock. His dick felt even better inside of you, since your walls took him in so well. He couldn’t believe you were actually doing this to him, you who supposedly hated him.

“What happened to hating me?” You bite your lip as he places a hand on your bare ass, your panties are lying on the floor next to you as you continue using Namjoon like a grade-A dildo.

“Who says you need to like someone to fuck them? You know what they say about angry sex, it’s supposed release tension. Fuck your problems away, fuck it all.” You both moan in sync as his cock twitches erratically and right before he cums, you pop off with a squelching sound and you quickly get to work with your hands, his cum splattering all over his belly and your fingers. 

He pulls you down for a quick kiss before you instruct him on what to do next.

“Next, I’m gonna put that mouth of yours to good use. Suck my clit, and do it as thoroughly as possible.” He quickly takes to your pussy, cupping your heat before giving small kitten licks to your labia. You were against the couch while he was hunched between your legs, eating you out like a good sub.

“That feels good. Don’t be shy, fuck me like you mean it, smartass,” He winks before pushing his tongue deeper, deep enough for you to feel it rub up against your cervix. Somehow, his tongue felt way better than his cock. “Yes, nnnngg, I’m cumming.” You feel a familiar knot in your core as Joon tongue-fucks you, saliva dripping down your inner thigh but you don’t care. You just feel too good to care.

So what if you were the leader of the celibacy club? It wasn’t like you had sex often. You were also losing your footing. You had become devoid emotion because of how much you were craving sex. Now, splayed out on your back, your TA delicately licking your folds, you felt relieved.

Your cum dribbles down his cheeks, and sweat beads are glistening on his forehead as he looks up to you, as if asking “did I do enough?” As you dab his head with a tissue.

You decide that wasn’t enough, you needed to have him inside you once more. 

“You said you liked being choked, right?” Namjoon nods, biting down on his lips hard enough to make them bleed as you wrap your hands around him and you sink back down on his dick. Now he was the one being choked on the ground while you were hunched over him, kissing his smooth chest and tracing his nipples gently with your nose. He lets out the most delicious moan you’ve heard all night, before whispering hoarsely, “Fuck me harder, mistress.”

You pounce on him, your greedy pussy lips salaciously devouring his erection as he hardens inside you once again. Even Joon was surprised by his own dick. He had never been so quick to bounce back but you were an enigma. You lighted a fire inside of him that he didn’t even know existed.

You lean forward, your breasts warm pressed up against his chest as you continue riding his cock like your life depended on it. You grow tired, panting heavily as Namjoon takes things into his own hands, gripping your ass tightly as your hands snaked down from his neck to his hair. You were curling your fingers into his hair so intimately like you owned him. He’s not your man. Which makes things a hell of a lot more sexy. 

His bleeding lip was dry, as you leaned in to steal a kiss from him, but he simply turned his head, your soft lips making contact with his left cheek instead.

“You don’t wanna get involved with me. I’m a bad guy, remember?” You respond by dragging your legs forward, sitting back as Namjoon stares back at you with darkened eyes, devoid of any emotion. He looks different compared to the playful preppy student you met earlier. You found yourself still crawling back to him, wanting to know more. You’re reaching...reaching...reaching. 

“Lighten up. Your cock is literally inside of me, Joon.” He growls in response, stimulating a carnal instinct within you to fuck. You’ve never felt it before, never felt so good on a cock quite like this one. What’s different about him? 

“Fuck, you take my dick so well. Why didn’t we do this sooner?” He grunts, your sexes squelching against each other as he holds you in place as he fucks his dick up into you. 

“Shit, Namjoon I’m cumming.” He grips your fingers with his big, warm hands. As your fingers intertwine, he kisses your neck. You lean into him, groaning as he continues bucking his hips up. You were truly fucking on the floor like a couple of horny animals.

It feels so good, I can’t help it. You thought. Your pussy squeezes his dick for dear life as he thrusts up into you. You feel the pinch, as your walls continue clamping down on him as he moves inconceivably slow. He slows down only because of your clenching, you know since he does his best in moving as quickly as your walls would allow, tossing you around like his own personal fuck doll. “Baby, cum with me.” You let out a mewl as he groans simultaneously, filling up your hole with his juices. After hours of fucking, you were both content with the end result.

He gives you one last docile kiss before we both get dressed. You throw your clothes back on, feeling fuzzy and sated as Namjoon stares shamelessly at your ass.

“I enjoyed it.” He comments as a wave of emotions hits you. You had forgotten about how much I hated him and his stupid smartass remarks when you couldn’t understand basic calculus. You were confused, the only thing you could do was pray something like this wouldn’t happen again and if it did you wouldn’t mind.

“Do you think you know my position now?” You ask, not really expecting much aftercare since you weren’t in a relationship with him.

“You're a dom. And I am your sub. Maybe, if you think of me differently now, we could go out for a midnight snack at the nearest fast food place?” You liked the way that sounded. Although towards the end Namjoon overpowered you since you were too hazy to think while impaled on his cock, he still was captivated and enraptured by you. You were like a math equation to him, after all he just did you. 

He also couldn’t deny the unrelenting sexual tension between the two of you whenever you hurled insults at him or when he said something about your academic abilities in a goading manner. He loved seeing how huffy you got whenever he said something about your club and how “interesting” it sounded when he heard you took over as the ambassador.

You didn’t know how he felt either, the underlying affection discarded as you focused on your anger for the man. However, you would rather die than admitting you had a tiny crush on him. 

“Sounds good, um...are we good here? Like all jokes aside you know I don’t actually hate you, right?” He nods, rubbing his neck as you wipe your sweaty palms on your clothes.

“I know. And you do know I have a big fat crush on you, right?” You feel heat rushing to your cheeks at that, your body significantly hotter than it was a couple minutes ago.

“No, actually, I didn’t know that.” You had a hunch he did.

“Wow, did it get hot in here or is it just me? Let’s go.” He pulls you towards the party upstairs, claiming you as his for the night as you push past the crowd of drunk teenagers.

[weathergirl8]

Coping Post 8

Hi Fam,

Sorry I've been radio silent the last week. Its been a long and very trying one. Monday started out rough. It took EVERYTHING I had to get out of bed that day. Drove to work all while trying to control my emotions and feelings. Spoiler alert, I lost it. I clocked in for only 30 mins. I lost it after 10 mins before I couldn't function. I was a hotmess. My bosses told me to go home and take care of myself and they would check on me later.

After I made it to my car and calmed myself. I immediately got on the phone to schedule an appointment with my doctor. The medication regime we had going on clearly wasn't cutting it. I saw her later that morning. We discussed my suicidal thoughts and she was happy to hear I reached out and saw my therapist already. She upped my meds and prescribed me something to help me sleep since I've been getting next to none. I go back and review in 2 weeks on the 15th. She took me off work for a couple days to regroup and in hopes I would catch up on sleep.

I returned to work Wednesday and have been taking it day by day/hour by hour.

I saw my therapist today and we had another good discussion. One thing I like about her is she makes me feel validated. I like my regular doctor Cassie but there are times she makes me feel judged or overreacting. Lisa my therapist does the direct opposite. She reminds me (as do others - I'm looking at you Fam and especially @misssquidtracy my daily cheerleader) that this is energy flowing and I have every right to feel the way I am feeling. I am not crazy. I am not overreacting. I am not worthless.

Another week come and gone and I am utterly exhausted.

A bright spot to end the week was my coworkers. Today is National Weatherperson's Day and my coworkers surprised in a) knowing about it and b) celebrating it. My coworker specifically made me a t-shirt to commemorate it ❤

In an act for more self-love and care. I went and got my nails done Tuesday and tonight after work I got my hair colored and trimmed.

Now to relax as I have another Saturday off and the artic cold settles in as temps plunge to around or near 0° F and wind chill values of -15° F to -20° F. I'm staying in under blankets and not budging! Brrr!! Our snow we just got Thursday has flash freezed over and roads are covered in solid blocks of ice. Its too cold for salt to work. Even more reason to stay home.

Going to take this weekend hour by hour and hope for a good one where I will find peace and comfort.

[meepmoopfanfics]

you don’t get a win unless you’re playing the game: Daveed Diggs x Reader. Chapter 2.

Reminder: this is gonna be a long fic! please be patient :)

You are finally ending an excruciating first week of dance rehearsals.

You’re gearing up finishing Act I finally, your brain feeling completely fried from all of the material given, especially the vocal parts. You were so used to singing the melody line of all the songs and being given the alto part was a challenge in itself, let alone applying singing while doing the choreography. The dancing was second nature but you didn’t realize how much stamina you’d actually need to getting the notes out without sounding breathy, pitchy or exhausted. You did NOT want to embarrass yourself in front of the OBC when it came time to integrate.

You had only worked with the ensemble closely so far and were getting close with Stephanie, the universal dance captain of the show. She had mentioned to you that the principals and ensemble members would be having a little hang out session at her brother’s penthouse apartment downtown after rehearsals ended tonight.

“Brilliant work today everyone. I know it’s been tough. But take the weekend to really review the material and let everything sink in.” Stephanie’s eyes were lit up. The way she was so attentive to detail and every backstory of every movement was so inspiring and eye opening.

You wiped the sweat off of your face as you partner, aka M3, aka George Eaker, aka Cedric, gave you a wink and a thumbs up. You were way too lucky to be matched with Cedric. If you jumped across the stage, somehow you’d trust him to catch you with seconds to spare before landing.

The ensemble cheered together and began to pan out to the house to grab their things and head up to their dressing rooms to get ready for the party.

“Is everyone coming tonight?” Stephanie yelled excitedly.

You heard a cannon of yeses and hell yeahs around the group.

“The wolfpack’s coming too!” That was her nickname for the OBC crew. “It’s gonna be a raaaaaager!” She started gyrating her hips. Everyone erupted with laughter.

“A safe one at that, of course. Be on your best behavior around Lin… just kidding he’s an absolute child.

Alright now go, get out. Go get hot.”

You followed the ensemble up the stairs backstage to end up at your dressing room which you shared with W4, Michelle.

“Girl... what’re ya wearing tonight? I can’t decide.” Michelle asked while anxiously rummaging through her back full of scribbled on legal pads, muscle rollers, and random items of clothing.

You had packed your favorite black jeans that made your legs look flawless, your signature suede boots, and a Kith hoodie. You wanted to look put together but also casual and cool. Most importantly, you wanted to impress all of your idols. This was your only chance to give them the best first impression of you.

You thought about grabbing your Oakland sweatshirt that your parents got you as a gag gift for Christmas, in honor of your celebrity crush’s hometown. You immediately regretted even thinking of wearing it, as Daveed would definitely find it way too weird. You were from Massachusetts... not California. The Bay Area would be embarrassed for you.

“I just brought these little guys. All black, of course. Feel like it does the job. Also, the sweatshirt will let me eat alllllll of the pizza guilt free.”

Michelle stared longingly at your suede boots. “These are fuckin fancy!”

“They’re only Steve Madden!!” You were proud of your ability to find luxury looking goods for a cheap price. You don’t think that will ever change, even when you saw your first broadway check hit your checking account.

You were happy you could share a safe and fun dressing room space with Michelle and knew the two of you would become close friends.

You both ran into the shower room across the hallway, and quickly washed off. You decided you were going to straighten your long light brown hair. You loved your hair, but it got so curly and tangled when you sweat. Thankfully they were going to put you in a wig for the show instead of using your natural locks. Being a head sweat-er was the worst. Your makeup was minimal, as you looked best with a nice dewy makeup glow, with highlighted cheekbones. You wore a nude matte lipstick, which matched the natural color of your lips, and lightly liquid lined a cat eye over your big (insert eye color) eyes.

You saw your reflection. You didn’t know if it was the confidence of finally reaching your goal or if you just were having a good hair/makeup day... but you were stunning.

“Damn mama!” Michelle gasped as she saw your finished look. “Whose mans are you about to steal at this gig? Better not be Cedric, he’s mine.”

You laughed. You couldn’t help to think about who you already had your heart set on.

“Definitely not Cedric.”

Michelle opened her iPhone 11 plus and immediately opted for a mirror selfie. She quickly opened Instagram and posted it to her story.

You opened the app yourself to go check if it looked good.

Posted 32 secs ago

#MamaHam and #TheBullet hit the town 🎉

“Ready?” Michelle asked, putting the final touches of her gold Fenty highlight on her cheeks. “We should grab a quick bite before hitting the place. I plan on drinking my weight in Truly seltzers tonight.”

“Let’s get it.” You smiled. “I’ll call the uber.”

——

You called the uber, hopped in, and began driving downtown. You felt your anxiety creeping up on you.

“Trulys? Really? I’m gonna need to be doing shots of Jager in order to be able to speak a single word to any of these principals.”

“What are you... nervous? You already got the role. You’re equals with these guys.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“Guess I’ll just have to act as chill as possible. That’s the plan anyways... also Michelle, wanna know something ridiculous?”

“What?”

“I’ve had a middle school full fledged crush on Daveed since I can remember.”

She blurted out with laughter.

“Well girl he is on the market now. Shoot ya shot.”

You already knew this. Daveed was recently single and focusing on rebuilding himself up. His breakup with his last girlfriend wasn’t bad. It was mature and mutual. You knew he was taking time to himself, so you didn’t want to be overbearingly flirtatious when you first met him.

You also couldn’t stop thinking about your ex, whom you left last year around this time. His goals just weren’t lining up with your future. He hated musicals, he hated almost everything you liked... but you couldn’t stand the fact you shattered his heart.

“I’ll see what happens... after 5 shots.” You responded, winking at Michelle.

__

You arrived at the cutest little Italian place downtown in TriBeCa. You knew carbs and wine were the perfect pregame for this shindig.

After loads of pasta and splitting a bottle of wine, you began to feel the confidence needed to shake the nerves from you. You hit the bathroom to give yourself a double check before walking to your final destination.

—

As you walked up to the massive high rise residence, you couldn’t believe this was your lifestyle now. As you approached, you noticed an extremely familiar face exit the revolving door.

Holy shit, that’s Rafa.

Rafael Casal. Daveed Diggs’ best friend.

You stopped in your tracks stunned.

He turned his head immediately in your and Michelle’s direction.

“Y/N?! What’s going on?!”

“Shut up shut up shut up...” you whispered through your teeth. “Just keep walking.”

As he passed you both, he smiled, and turned into the Duane Reade on the corner. Probably picking up something he forgot.

You realized you would be on edge all night not being able to keep your cool. Rafa wasn’t even in the damn OBC and here you were, freaking out entirely on the freaking sidewalk.

Through the doors you went, passing the crystal clear marble floors, giant chandeliers, and up to the doorman.

“Can I help you beautiful ladies?”

Michelle blushed. The doorman was actually attractive.

“We’re here for Klemons? Penthouse 2?”

“Oh yeah! Hamilton!!! Love that show. Have fun!”

You hit the elevator as you looked down at your phone.

9:18pm

Perfect timing. Almost 20 mins late. Fashionably late, of course.

“Oh shit shit shit.”

You realized you haven’t changed your wallpaper from Daveed grabbing his crotch.

Michelle laughed as you fumbled to change your wallpaper to a pic of you and your family from when you were younger. Perfect. A conversation starter. Your overthinking was killing you softly.

Your teeth were legit chattering. You felt anxiety waves rush through your nervous system. The pit in your stomach grew. Your heart was beating a mile a minute. This was it. Your chance at something greater than you ever thought was possible to achieve.

The elevator doors opened to the open concept apartment. Voices were clashing over the blaring hip hop music in the dimly lit room. A full bar in the corner, Joe’s pizza scattered over the island in the kitchen. Beer pong set up on the dining room table.

There they were. Every single one of em. Scattered across the flat. Starstruck wasn’t even the beginning of what you felt.

Your eyes scanned quickly around.

There he was. Curly headed locks and all. Leaning up against the floor to ceiling windows that circled the place, holding a cocktail in his strong, large right hand accessorized with a few rings. Simply staring at the sights of the city. He looked like a million bucks and he was in a simple casual outfit. Light washed jeans, black boots, with his left hand in his black hoodie pocket.

Wait. You guys were wearing the same hoodie.

The same fucking hoodie.

Of course this would happen.

tag list:

@alexander-hamilhoe

[xcactusarto]

Heaven Help Me

an Aoyama Yuga x Iida Tenya university au fic

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33615358

Summary:

What would happen if you found out the person that ordered art prints from you is the guy you’ve been interested in and lives 2 dorms away from you?

Poor Aoyama is denying his feelings from all the times boys broke his little heart, but this guy seems different and became even more special after Aoyama finds out this dude is a big fan of his art! Will he deliver the art prints himself or just leave the package at his door?

Part 1 / ?

Chapter 2 -

Aoyama was anxious to spill the tea on what had just happened to Bakugou once he could go back to his dorm. Even if he was excited to spill the beans, his stomach was not in good shape. He knew this feeling all too well.

He wanted it gone.

Aoyama arrived 5 minutes late after having to change routes and hiding between the bushes next to the art building to throw up dramatically. Thankfully his teacher was late so he could calm down and sit down. Aoyama felt seasick despite only having butterflies. Throw up could happen or the shits. ‘Not in this outfit’ Aoyama thought as he gripped his phone. The class only lasts 30 mins. Since his teacher was late probably less. Maybe he could text Bakugou about how sick he felt maybe they could walk together to the dorms.

.

.

.

Baku dear! My stomach is being very bitchy ~(>_<~) could you pick me up???

.

.

.

.

5 mins passed and Bakugou didn’t answer. Nor did the teacher show up yet. Aoyama looked around and his classmates looked confused as well. Aoyama looks a little to his right and whispers to his classmate.

“Dear, uh do you know if we had class today?”, his classmate looked at him and whispered back.

“Gurlie I’m not gonna lie, this is the first time in the semester I have come to class”, The classmate giggled and said,” Oh, but dude your outfit is hella cute”. Aoyama smiles at his classmate. A girl with a pink afro, a pink headband that made the knotted ends look like horns on her head, and hazel eyes.

“Oh thank you! But I gotta say you look absolutely dashing! Love the colors!”, Aoyama looked at his classmate up and down scanning her outfit. A blue tie-dye crop top with purple spots that went down to her chest. A black bralette under and some pastel yellow sweatpants that gave Aoyama the idea that she could be a dancer. White sneakers with colorful shoelaces. “What’s your name dear?”, Aoyama asked smiling. A small link formed and it was the start of a very nice and stylish friendship.

“Mina Ashido! And you?”, Mina said excitedly as she almost jumped from her seat. She could see this dude could be a great way to pass the class without having to show up. “Yuga Aoyama. Pleased to meet you.” Aoyama and Mina chatted as they waited for their teacher to show up. Slowly the people around them would get up and leave or just chat with each other. The silence of the room cleared up as Mina and Aoyama laughed and talked about their passion for fashion and their hobbies. Aoyama’s perception of Mina was right, she was a Dance major. She was currently doing ballet because she didn’t want her parents to know she was an underground street dancer. On the other hand, Mina learned Aoyama was a digital artist and even got to see some of his pieces. Both were very passionate and frankly, they could be each other’s moral support.

“Hey how about we exchange numbers?”, Mina said and quickly looked around. They were the only ones in class. The classroom was empty and the clock ticking at the front of the class. The class had just ended. Maybe coming to class wasn’t so bad since Aoyama was here. They both looked at each other and laughed. Aoyama’s butterflies were gone and Mina took away his anxiety of shitting himself.

“Yeah that would be wonderful”, Aoyama and Mina then tapped their phone and so they could now talk to each other without having to be in class. Maybe even hang out sometime. As they walked to the door and parted ways Aoyama could notice Bakugou never replied, but his bitch ass left Aoyama on seen. Aoyama was used to it and knew Bakugou would come. Bakugou often forgot to reply , but would do stuff Aoyama texted him to do or asked.

Aoyama waited outside the building for a while. He then sat down and looked at his phone. Scrolled down on his Twitter and Instagram timeline for some time. Aoyama then let out a sigh and got up. He then plugged in his earphones and as he was about to walk away his dorm neighbor called out to him. “Aoyama-kun! Wait up”, A slightly freckled buff guy with green fluffy curly hair called out to him. He wasn’t very stylish , but was always kind to Aoyama. Even though at one point our little Aoyama stalked him because he wanted to be friends with him. I mean he needed a reference for his styling assignment and he was perfect for the outfit. Aoyama stood there and waited for him to catch up to him. “Did class just finish for you too?”, The green-haired hunk asked Aoyama. Aoyama looked at him and explained his situation of waiting for Bakugou.

“Ah, Kacchan didn’t come to pick you up? I can walk you then since we are going to the same dorms!”, his dorm neighbor was always a lifesaver. “Denki is probably at our dorm so I can text him if he can check if Kacchan is there”.

“Please Midori! I’m worried he is oversleeping again. Which I doubt it...He’s probably working out”, Aoyama said as he locked arms with his neighbor. Midoriya Izuku or as Bakugou called him, ‘Deku’, shared a room with Denki Kaminari. Both Midoriya and Denki were his dorm neighbors and often came to watch movies or just help Aoyama with styling assignments. Midoriya was known by the fashion majors as the guy that wore weird shirts. Today he was wearing a pastel blue pullover that had ‘tiny weenie baby’ on it. Aoyama wanted to chuckle , but decided to hold it in. Midoriya’s boyfriend could probably say that was true. They walked to the dorms and as soon as Aoyama got close to the door he slammed it open.

“BITCH YOU HAD ME WAITING FOR 20 MINS OUTSIDE!”, Aoyama said hand still on the door. Midoriya looking over Aoyama’s shoulder. They had caught Bakugou at a...uh special moment.

“CAN’T YOU KNOCK?!”, Bakugou shouted back as he was making out with a purple-haired dude that looked exhausted. Bakugou was still in pajamas while the other was dressed like an e-boy that had just come out of hot topic after his mother had given him an allowance of $10 to spend on my chemical romance merch. That emo boy was Shinso Hitoshi, Bakugou’s boyfriend, and Aoyama’s ex-boyfriend which actually ended well with no heartbreak. I mean they lasted 1 week. Midoriya sneakily walking away then bumped into Denki who was joined by his dark-haired friend. Aoyama looked behind him and immediately then pulls Midoriya as to show proof in an Ace Attorney game.

“I can’t believe poor little Midori had to take time out of his day to walk me back!” Aoyama said as he hugged Midoriya with puppy eyes.

“W-Well uh technically I was walking back so might as well accompany him, right?” Midoriya nervously smiled as Denki walked into the room and held in the laughter he had from seeing Bakugou slightly flustered from being caught getting it on with Shinso. Bakugou then of course starts arguing with Deku as if Deku was the one at fault. Oh well, Aoyama needed to spill the beans on the guy he saw and interacted with so he gathered Denki, Shinso, and Denki’s friend who was just watching the chaos happening in a room full of gays. Except for Denki he had a girlfriend. I mean he isn’t straight, but bisexual so yeah a gay too. Aoyama shoved them to the other side of the room onto his bottom bunk. They all proceeded to sit down and let Aoyama sit cross-legged in the middle while he held a pillow.

“Oh my gosh, guys please help me snap out of these feelings I’m having! I’M GONNA DIE!”, Aoyama said as he swung his arms around dramatically.

“Is he gonna scooter ankle or is he being dramatic?” Denki’s friend leaned over and whispered in Denki’s ear.

“No Sero, he is just being dramatic about something .”, Shinso said as they looked at Aoyama giving them puppy eyes. Sero Hanta, Denki’s friend who was wrapped up in this situation. Sero is a black-haired dude with a nice wide smile. He often just wore pullovers and looked like those dudes that sits right in front of you in computer class and just watching memes or editing Shrek on Ronal McDonald’s body. Those dudes are pretty chill once you start talking to them.

“Just let him spill the tea guys. I wanna know what made him so anxious”, Denki said as he nudged both of the boys to listen.

“So I was walking to class alright?? And then and then I bumped into this guy while I was checking the time on my phone! And then bam this dude was holding me so sweetly and he was so strong might I add!!”, Aoyama said excitedly as he gripped the pillow close to his chest. The boys on the other hand looked at him. Maybe he’s being dramatic, Denki thought. The room of course was still noisy while Aoyama spilled his feelings on the hunk of a man that literally held him as if it was a shojo manga.

“And then he even HELD MY HAND!! MY PRECIOS HAND TO HAND ME MY PHONE!! He also told me to be careful and walked away as if nothing happened!!”, Aoyama sighs after this and just lets his body lay on the boys legs as he dramatically puts his left arm over his face.

“Well, that was something. How did he look like wey?”, Sero asked as he held Aoyama’s arm away from his face. Denki and Shinso nodded. Aoyama then puts a finger on his lips and thinks for a little. “Mind if I sketch him out?” Aoyama says as he signals Shinso to pass him his sketchbook.

After a few minutes, he then shows the boys as he had decided to sit between Denki and Sero. “He looked like this!! He had some weird eyebrows that looked like the Nike symbols!”, Aoyama pointed at the drawing. The boys felt like they had seen him before. They just couldn’t find this dude’s name in the glossary of their minds.

“Isn’t that Iida-kun?”

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH36

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4, 208

- Author Note: Purely yoongi and seul moment XD

Previous | Next

Chapter 36

Unexpected call from Mrs Hwang few minutes ago caused Yoongi to drop everything that he did right way. Seul’s life way more than important than his unfinished songs, when he left his studio in hurry Namjoon threw the older guy a questioning look.

“Hyung..where-“ “I will explain to you later” Yoongi disappeared into thin air giving him no time to process. Confused, the tall guy returned to his studio in complete silence. Yoongi is a man, he knew how to take care of himself and not to get into trouble. Namjoon assured himself with his little pep talk to ease the uneasiness in him.

Wandering cluelessly around the city was Yoongi, trying to figure out Seul’s whereabouts. Clutching onto his phone tight, this would be his 20th attempt to reach her yet it brought him to voice mail. This unspeakable worries that he had at the moment was killing him softly.

‘Seul, where are you’ he looked down into the dark street. Hearing Seul’s health history from her mother scared him to death, he couldn’t imagine what will happen to her if he delayed the search even for a minute.

After thirty minutes searching her neighbourhood, Yoongi received a text from what seemed to be from Mrs Hwang. His eyes glimmered with hope upon reading the text, ‘Okay, her favourite place to chill. Hill’ he blinked in dazed.

‘Wait, hill? Do they have hill here?’ Yoongi scanned the area, taking in every movement until his eyes noticed a small alley between two tall buildings which will lead him somewhere. At least, he’s one step closer in finding Seul. His main priority was to bring that girl back safe and sound without any scratches.

Even though Yoongi was sceptical by his own choice, however he followed his heart and walk through the dark alley without much thought. The small board near the bench with an arrow and “To Signal Hill” really saved the day. His smile found its way back on his sullen face and now all he had to do was to find any sign of Seul there.

Following the path, he made sure his steps were slow just in case Seul was somewhere around the area. He spent 15 more minutes to reach the peak, and to his utter astonishment he didn’t see even a strand of Seul’s hair. Yoongi refused to give up so he resumed his search until he saw the dead end. Considering there were no one around, it spooked him a little to know a lady like Seul could be roaming around this area alone.

His ears perked up at the sound of inaudible murmur few metres from him, therefore he picked up the pace anxious to see what awaits him. The voice resembled a whiny young lady brought his attention to a familiar figure that stood wobbly on the big rock, which seemed can fit one human legs but due to her small size she could fit both legs there. Yet, it was risky as hell.

The girl screamed at the top of her lungs and bended over as she tried to balance herself on top of the slippery rock. His eyes widened in pure horror “JI SEUL? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING” he sprinted towards her angrily, grabbing the girl’s waist causing her to squeal at the sudden movement.

Seul clung onto him for her dear life “What the-“she didn’t need to see the owner of the voice because Seul could smell his expensive cologne. It was Min Yoongi, there’s no doubt. He tightened his grip around her waist, carrying her bridal style and started walking away from the dangerous cliff to another side of the empty area.

Setting her down carefully, Yoongi flew into a rage “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? ARE YOU CRAZY? THAT IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE PROBLEM? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GIVE ME A CALL, SO I CAN HELP YOU. MY GOODNESS YOU ARE AN IDIOT SEUL!” he pushed his face into hers so suddenly that she shrank back, hiding her head like a turtle, afraid by his outburst. It took her by surprise.

A muscle twitched under his eye and he grinded his teeth out of anger, his fiery eyes looked deadly dangerous. Not to mention, he was breathing heavily, and she could see a visible flush on his porcelain skin.

Yoongi straightened himself, rubbing the back of his hair angrily “I…” she gulped in fear. He glowered upon hearing Seul’s timid voice, she looked up at him with her eyes slightly enlarged as she continued “I don’t think I need your help to find my missing necklace. It is not a big deal. Why are you yelling at me?” Seul had a dumbfounded look on her face.

“Wait-what? You are looking for what?” he was slightly annoyed by the fact that he had jumped into conclusion before asking the frightened girl the truth. The image of Seul stood on the rock and was about to roll down the cliff clouded his judgement.  

Her forehead creased into a deep frown, “You are looking for your necklace so you’re not trying to jump off the cliff and commit suicide?” Yoongi eyed glued on her trying to find the lies beneath those innocent eyes.

“What?! Are you crazy? Why would I jump off the cliff?” she shrieked in disbelief.

“So you are not trying to kill yourself?” relieved by her answers, he steadied his breathing and let out a loud sigh.

“YES!”

“I don’t think a sane person would stand on those rock for a stupid necklace! You could get hurt!”

“I dropped it on the ground, but I couldn’t see it, so I assumed it might roll off somewhere down there. Goodness, you are overreacting Min Suga!” Seul rolled her eyes. “For your information, it is not just a stupid necklace, that is a present from Jiminie” to call the precious gift from Jimin stupid offended her.

Yoongi scoffed at the idea of a gift from Jimin way more important than her life. “Yah, since when Jimin’s present is more important than your own life? Now you go all way to sacrifice your life for him, way to go Ji Seul!” he noted sarcastically.

“I will go all length to take the bullet from him one day, so what?” defensive, she crossed her arms mentally judging the man before her. She wondered how he ended up there and making an unnecessary scene which could blow up the whole place.

He inhaled a sharp breath before inquiring Seul about her sudden disappearance, “Where were you? Your mother is looking for you” he raised one of his brows with threatening look.

“So, mother sends you as an errand boy to check me whether I am alive or not?”

“Ya! I am not your errand boy. You- Ugh… where did you go? Goddamit, stop talk back woman. Just answer my question, will you?” frustrated by Seul demeanour, he let out a small grunt indicating his dissatisfaction.

“Here and there. What else mother tells you?” she asked without even bother to put much emotion in it. If Yoongi is aware about her condition, that will complicate things between them. She didn’t want to appear weak in front of a guy that she liked.

Did she just that out loud? A guy that she likes.

“I am sure that still doesn’t answer my question. Where is here and there? And your mother tells me everything. Drop that attitude, we have a lot to talk about” Seul stomped her feet a little out of annoyance causing the latter to hold back his tongue from laughing at her cuteness.

Through her clenched teeth, she responded angrily “Here and there means away from nosy people like you! Argh, trust me I don’t have anything to say to you, just go” she told him to leave her alone but the small voice in her head said something else. She wanted him to stay, to savour his warmness around her, she needed someone she can trust by her side.

“I am not moving, so what are you going to do about it?” Yoongi was adamant that he’s not leaving Seul alone until they talk. “Didn’t I warn you to stop talk back? Or I will have no choice but to kiss you” a playful smirk could be seen across his lips.

“Min friggin Yoongi! You are not threatening me with your sloppy kiss! If you are not moving, then I will make my move now. Goodbye” she shot a nasty glare at his way and started to walk away. Though part of her was calling for Yoongi to go after her, she didn’t dare to say it aloud. Why was she fighting with the demon inside her?

“Fuck. This woman!” he groaned lowly.

Alarmed by Seul’s movement, he hurriedly catch up on her, grabbing her arms turning the furious lady to face him “Please…just this one.. Give me a chance, talk to me” his cockiness and stubbornness earlier disappeared instantly. He’s pleading with his genuine eyes, even Seul could feel his desperation through his touch.

Seul blinked and unsure with herself. It was no doubt that part of her wanted him to stay but why was it so difficult for her to say it aloud? She wanted to ask how far he knew about her condition? If her mother decided to open her mouth, it could be everything right? Judging by Yoongi’s bipolar mood, he seemed to know everything.

“It is better to be alone. I don’t need your help”

“Why?”

She averted her gaze “Because no one can hurt me that way. And, you will never understand the hell feel inside my head, Yoongi” sighing with deep regret, Seul didn’t feel like talking about her own pain. Opening her wounds would only make her weak.

“Seul.. allow me to help you, don’t close yourself. Even you refuse my help, I will not let you go” he moved his hand along her arms making her shudder under his soft touch. Interlacing their hand together, she looked down at their intertwined hand and a rush of sadness embraced her fragile heart.

Could Yoongi heal her?

Was his presence enough to wash away the sadness and worries in her?

There was an eerie silence between them, it just made Yoongi scared of what might come from Seul. She could be predictable sometimes but with this unstable emotion, he could easily be pushed away by her. Contrary to his assumption, he was surprised to see her moving her up and down weakly as giving her permission for Yoongi to help her.

Smiling warmly, he gave her a soft squish as an assurance “Lets go” he whispered.

“Where are we going?”

“To my studio. There is something that I want to show you” tugging Seul behind him, they walked hand in hand returning back to his studio.

 ---------------

Entering Suga’s Genius Lab it amused her to see the place for the first time. It was different from the one that Suga had back in their dorm, it looked massive here with more equipment. She saw a professional keyboard at the corner of the room, and the studio itself gave off Yoongi usual manly scent. The smell itself floated in the air tickled her heart.

Closing the door behind him, he made his way to his leather seat, taking a seat on the swivel chair. Seeing the swivel chair moved brought back the vivid memory that she had with Yoongi. Her face turned pink as she quickly cupped both of her cheeks to get rid of the evident. He glanced over his shoulder taking the image of nervous Seul in front of him then it dawned on him she was reminiscing the sexy night that they shared.

Pushing the thought out from his memory, it was still fresh and clear. He couldn’t simply forget their intimacy. Smirking teasingly, he took her hand in his “Something that triggers your memory?” Seul coughed softly easing the awkwardness between them.

“W..hat do you mean by that?” she stammered.

“You are bad at lying, come on let’s get this done. So where do you want to sit? On my lap or on the floor?” he teased.

“Floor” Seul answered without any hesitation though she was seen blushing madly at the idea of sitting on his lap again. The last time she did that, they ended up ravishing each other lips. No in a million ways she let that happen again. Well, for now since she hasn’t really decided after she made up her mind about Jungkook whether she should choose Yoongi.

Lifting his eyebrows in amusement, he gave her that mischievous grin he was known for. “Really? But I can’t dirty my floor, so I would rather have you on my lap” he whisked her into his arms, settling her onto his lap.

The girl froze for few seconds before struggling, but he had locked his arm around her waist “Stay still, you are rubbing me woman” for some reason, his remark got her body stopped functioning momentarily. Her whole body was overflowing with electricity.

“Yo-u per-vert!” she slapped his chest lightly earning a low chuckle from the latter.

“If you don’t want to find anything poking you from below, behave yourself” Seul gasped at his remarks leaving her no choice but to pout in her seat. She made a mental note to make herself felt at home and acted normal.

Yoongi held back his laugh, as he reached out to turn on his computer. Seul’s eye lit up in excitement watching the equipment worked in front of her, more like watching Yoongi’s arms stretched out with her in between doing his thing made him ten times hotter. She was admiring the visible vein popped out on his porcelain skin.

Chewing her lips to halt herself from squealing over the image, she blinked her eyes few times and gathered her thought together.  “Alright, I am working on this song. It is for my future mixtape. I want you to listen to it” his gruffy voice sounded hotter since his attention was on the list of the songs on the screen.

He licked his lower lips out of habit, plugging the headphone before putting it over her head. “Give this song a chance, just three minutes alright?” his faint whisper over the headphone was still clear even though it covered her ears completely.

A mere murmur, all she was capable of “Okay, since you are ready” he pushed the green button and a mixture of soft beat blasted through the headphones. Yoongi leaned back in his seat, as he stroked his thumb over Seul’s waist. Scrutinizing her face, he watched her distressed face faded away and it soon replaced by a calm smile evident at the corner of her lips.

For some reason, Yoongi felt proud of his masterpiece and by far one of the best songs that he produced this year. He was taken off guard when Seul started to hum to the melody, tapping her fingers on the table with her eyes close. She looked as calm and serene in comparison to an hour ago.

Her lips curled into a cute smile as he drowns himself into the breath-taking view in front of her. The melody started to fade away and followed by Yoongi’s deep voice. He had rapped the song with all his heart and basically filling the emptiness inside her through the emotions that he expressed from the song. The lyric was so meaningful as it defined his own struggle in life.

Opening her eyes slowly, she was surprised to see Yoongi’s face who few inches away from her. His hot breathing fanned her cold skin, giving Seul a hard time to breathe properly. Yoongi smiled genuinely, pressing his forehead against her as the tip of their nose brushed.

Her small hand was clutching onto his back shirt seeking for his warmth. Her heart pounded furiously against her chest, and it doubled when his eyes bore into hers “How was it?” Yoongi mumbled. Caressing her cheeks lovingly, she exhaled a soft sigh enjoying this rare moment that she had with him.

“Amazing as always. The lyrics and the melody comforted me, how did you do that?” his eyes turned into crescent moon as he broke into his usual gummy smile weakening the bones inside her body.

“Honesty. The recipe of the song is honesty. I am expressing my worries and problems via the lyric. It helps me to get over the weird thought circulating inside my brain, so I can remain positive and strong” his short and simple justification touched Seul’s heart.

He continued “When I was diagnosed with depression I thought it was the end of it. I couldn’t think straight, and everything seemed ambiguous. I doubted everything and people around me. For once I thought to put me out of this misery, I must disappear from this world. I was wrong Seul-ah. I was very concerned over my look, and it made me hate myself. I wanted to become happy and strong but why am I getting weaker? Where am I heading to? Yeah, I am heading to that one place, but I will end up here again. Then I inquired myself, is there an end to this maze? My head was a total mess, it was clouded with rage and hate” she flinched, absorbing Yoongi’s pain.

She studied his stoic profile anxiously. Even though his face was hard, he remained stoic, yet she felt his concern. Yoongi resumed, stroking Seul’s flush cheeks with the back of his hand “I sought help from people and I worked hard for my mixtape. I found a way to express my rage through song writing, and I was relieved to tell all the stories that were in my heart. That is how you suppose to channel your frustration and worries, not by keeping it to yourself. I know you have a lot of things in your mind right now Seul. I want you to know, you have your mother, Hoon, your friends, BTS and most importantly me” her eyes watered.

“If you give me a chance to help you through this difficult time, allow me to stay by your side Seul. That is all I wish for” she stared at him with mixed emotion. The tip of his nose rubbed against hers, as he savoured this moment with her.

She was swayed by his words, and she let him to steal her heart away. Everything that Yoongi said was too beautiful and he never failed to amaze her. The fact that she was healed previously because of the songs that he produced, Seul found herself was falling deeply with this man. Was she really?

“Yoongi…” she called out softly almost inaudible for him, but he managed to catch the phrase coming out from her clearly just because she’s Ji Seul. The queen of his heart.

“When I wake up the next morning, I don’t want to live in fear. I want to be free from this pain with you by my side” her small hand made its way to his cheek, tracing it ever so slowly.

That answer was enough to put colour to his dull heart, she gave her trust to him, hence he would guard it close to his heart. “I will be by your side for the next ten seconds, minutes, hours and if it is possible eternity” he kissed the tip of her nose.

“Thank you..for not giving up on me” caressing his jaw softly giving it a butterfly touch, she kissed the corner of his mouth. Her kisses trailed off to his lips, as she leaned down a little to properly latch her lips over his tenderly.

Though he’s surprised by her bold gesture, knowing Seul had never initiated the kiss first before, Yoongi brought her head down to him, deepening their butterfly kisses to a real one. This time he poured more emotion into his action.

Smiling between kisses, he stroked her hair and embraced the girl close to him. Gently holding onto each other, they stayed glue to each other in this way for some minutes. They savoured every moment in each other’s company.

 Yoongi and Seul were now laying on the couch face to face, having their heart-to-heart talk. Yoongi was a great listener as he listened attentively to Seul’s story even though he already got the slight idea about her past from Mrs Hwang. He was glad that Seul wanted to go into details and told him everything. It was the first step to heal herself.

During the conversation, his arms were wrapped securely around her torso, only leaving the small space for him to watch her pretty face while she did the talking. Yoongi didn’t want to trade this night with others and wished they could stay like this for as long as they wanted.

“You are a strong girl; do you realize that? Even though you can be annoyingly stubborn sometimes, but I can tame you. I have less worry on that” he pursed his lips into a small pout.

“Basically, you are saying no one can tame Ji Seul like Min Yoongi did?” she cringed at the cheesiness though it sounded lowkey good to her. Seul just couldn’t get over the cringey feeling that she obtained from this man.

“It doesn’t sound bad at all, I like me. I like us” Yoongi enveloped her into a tight hug, which almost suffocate the latter. However, she soon found herself liking the closeness and threw her arm around his waist, returning the same passion.

The sound of his heart beating was so calming, she was convinced that Yoongi’s presence brought happiness to her life. Why she only realized it now?  “You can be so cheesy sometimes and very bipolar. One second you are yelling at me and not long after that you turn into a total pervert. Then, look at you now, acting all romantic and cheesy” she scrunched her nose, feeling confused.

“I am not acting romantic. Because I am born to be romantic” he sassed.

“Be careful Yoongs, you sound like Jin”

“I am nowhere near him, don’t compare me to him!”

“Right. But, you are so full of yourself”

“I am being truthful with you, that is all matter. Which means you are special to me. Very special” he kissed the top of her head, humming a soft melody from one of his mixtape. Yes, out of the blue, but she noticed that habit of his ever since their intimate moment.

It was cute anyways, his rough and raspy voice made it extremely homey.

“About the song that you listened a moment ago. I wanted you to have it” Seul looked up to meet his gaze, finding some sort of confirmation to what she just heard a minute ago. His eyes were genuine with no hint of jokes.

“Yoongi, that song is amazing. You should include it in your future mixtape. I am sure it will get a lot of love from Armys” she shook her head in refusal. As much as she loved the song considering the comfort that she gained from it, Seul did not want Yoongi to put her above his career and Armys.

Yoongi pushed her slightly higher, to close the gap between them. He smiled “I want you to have it. The song is special as it helps me to curb my loneliness and settle some issues in me. So, I want to make it special. Only both of us have the access to it” her eyes were brimming with tears and within a second she let it fall startling the rapper.

“Why are you crying? I am sorry baby if you feel it is too much-“ a soft lips brushed against his that didn’t really give him time to process. She pulled away with a teary smile “You did nothing to apologize. Instead, I should apologize to you. I only receive but I don’t have the chance to give back. It makes me feel bad” said Seul bitterly.

“Don’t be nonsense. I want you to promise me that you will come straight to me if you have problems and stay by my side. Can you do that?” his smile was addictive. It lured you to explore the deepest core of his heart.

She sniffed a little and nuzzled their face together “I promise” he hummed happily. “But can you promise me one thing too?” amused, he nodded signalling her to continue her words.

“Urm...Can you stop smoking?” eyeing the girl with suspicious, he frowned.

“I only smoke when I am stressed out. You happen to run into me when I am having that moment”

Seul glowered “Smoking can kill. I don’t want you to smoke. If you are stress talk to me, please promise me that?” he heaved a deep sigh before nodded in agreement. She cheered happily, burying her face at the crook of his neck. “Thank you” her softness melted his heart.

“Seul, you are driving me insane. I don’t want to let you go ever” he muttered with determination. He’ll keep his words till the end.

  This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2021. All Rights Reserved

[uniquecreations]

“Clueless”

 I don’t know why I agreed to go out to a house party on a damn Thursday night knowing we had school in the morning. I guess that’s the price you pay when you lose a bet playing 2k against a known cheater. I knew Dylan cheated because there was no way in hell someone could come back from a 20-point deficit with 5 minutes left in the game unless they cheated. It was my fault, I looked away for a few seconds to check my text and when I looked back at the game, he was catching up to me.

     “That was such a bitch move Dylan, you couldn’t just take an ass whooping like a man huh?” I said turning the game off.

  “Liam bro, you couldn’t beat me if I gave you a full half worth of scores so shut that shit up and go pick out your clothes……... Loser.” He said smirking.

  “Fuck you.” I said walking back to my room.

       I was glad my parents were out of town on business and my grandma kept my two siblings because there would have been no way in hell I would have been able to talk them into letting me stay out past curfew on a weekday. I heard my shower in the hall turn on letting me know that Dylan was about to get in there. I would have to use my parent’s bathroom to shower. 20 mins later I had showered, lotioned up my body, put on my underwear and jeans. I was walking back to my room when I saw that my bathroom door was open. When I got to the door, I saw Dylan standing in the mirror taking selfies, I noticed that we had the same Express underwear on. I stepped inside the bathroom with him and we both took a selfie with our shirts off.

                                 Dylan (Left) & Liam (Right)

“This was a solo pic.” He said shoving me a little.

  “My house, my bathroom, my mirror, so I do what I want.”

  “I know you not still salty about losing that game?”

  “Nope now hurry up because I’m not trying to be out all night, we both have school in the morning, or did you forget about that?”

   “Nope that’s why I brought my school uniform with me.”

 “Oh, so you are staying over here tonight?”

 “Duh nigga”

 “Whatever.” I said walking out the bathroom and back to my room to finish getting dressed.

   We made it to the party, and it was more people than I expected it to be here for a weekday party. Once we made it inside, Dylan disappeared probably to go dance with some girl or find out where they had the liquor at. I walked around trying to find a spot to post up in when I literally bumped into Zakaria, this guy from school. He and I text often also he is the only guy I have experienced anything sexual with. It wasn’t anything to extreme just a few jackoff sessions afterschool in the boy’s bathroom.

  “Oh shit, I would’ve never expected to see you here.” Zakaria said looking at me.

  “Yeah, I lost a bet to Dylan cheating ass so I’m here.” I said trying to avoid any eye contact with him.

  “Oh, he is here?” He asked with a hint of malice in his voice or maybe it was jealousy I don’t know.

  “I don’t understand what’s yall beef with each other, yall was close at one time and yall are on the same football team.” I said shaking my head.

  “Because that nigga thinks he is entitled since he made starter.” From the way he shrugged his shoulders after that comment led me to believe that there was more to it than just that bullshit excuse.

  “Whatever, I’m going to get me bottle water and some fresh air, I will catch you later.” I said about to turn to walk off but he stopped me, he leaned in closer so that only I could hear him.

  “You wanna get together later on?” I looked at him after he said but before I could respond to him, Dylan came out of nowhere.

  “What’s going on over here?” He said giving Zakaria a death stare.

  “Just chatting with the homie, why you so worried bum ass nigga?” After Zakaria asked that, I noticed Dylan fist ball up and I knew I had to separate this two before a fight broke out in these folk’s house.

   “Ayy chill out with all that.” I said pulling Dylan back a bit, then I looked over at Zakaria who had a smirk on his face. “I’ma holla at you at school Zak.” I said before walking away with Dylan.

  Once we were far away from Zakaria, I looked at Dylan and I could tell he was still fuming from that lil altercation. After that, I knew it was time to go because if we stayed here any longer, those two would be probably go at it again. I still don’t get why Dylan got so mad at him in that short amount of time, but I was damn sure going to get to the bottom of it before this get to far out of hand. I didn’t say anything to Dylan, I just started walking towards my car, so he already knew I was over this shit. He walked to the car with an even more pissed off look on his face, but I didn’t give one damn.

  “I don’t know why I gotta leave, that bitch ass dude started with me……… I didn’t get a buzz yet.” He said scoffing in the passenger seat.

  “No, you were the one came over there with the shits, we were just talking, but since we on that what’s the reason behind this beef yall got going on?” I said pulling off and heading towards my house.

  “Cause he a fake ass nigga.” He said looking out the window.

  “You see the funny thing about that is your lying and so is he because when I asked him what yall beef was he told me something different. He said it had to do with football and you starting this season.”

  “Oh, well it had my fault that nigga trash……. I don’t wanna talk about his bitch ass no more so drop it.” He said pulling out his phone.

  “I just don’t get it Dylan, yall was cool at one point and now yall enemies, shit don’t make sense at all.”

   “Whatever Liam I don’t wanna talk about this because its pointless and all it’s going to do is piss me off so leave it alone.” I decided not to press the issue anymore for right now, but this was far from done with.

Once we made it back to my house, I went inside and upstairs to my room. I pulled off my clothes and put on some night shorts. I laid across my bed, turned the tv on and began looking for something to watch when I got a text on my phone. It was from Zak, he asked could he come over or could I meet him somewhere for one of our sessions. I didn’t bother responding to him because there was no way in hell, I was going to let him come over here while Dylan was here and second, we weren’t close like that for him to be coming to my house. The other problem was me going somewhere with him would bring up a lot of questions from Dylan ~ not that I had anything to explain to him~ that I wasn’t in the mood for. So, I finally text him back telling him another time. After a little back and forth with Zak, I sat my phone down and began watching tv when I heard music coming from the guest room down the hall. I paid it no mind because usually when he was mad, he would listen to music to calm himself down. The music that he was playing was old 90’s r&b, the kind of music our folks would listen to at cookouts. It was after 11pm by this point and if he wanted to stay up then that was on him but he would have to turn that music down so I could get some sleep.

  I walked down to where the room was and walked in, he was laying in the bed shirtless with a pillow covering his head. “You good?” I asked from the door.

  “Why don’t ask your best friend Zakaria if he is good or not?” He said not moving the pillow from his head.

  “What kinda fucking question is that? I was checking on yo punk ass but you trippin right now, anyway I’m going to sleep so turn that music down or put some headphones on.” I said walking back to my room. I walked in my room and slammed my door close, great now I was going to bed mad. About 20 minutes later I heard my room door opening. “Don’t come fucking with me Dylan or I’m putting yo bitch ass out my house.”

  “Don’t get beat up but I gotta question for you……... you wanna know what my problem is with your lil friend?” I sat up in the bed.

  “I really don’t give a damn at this point just get out my room.” I said getting irritated. He took a deep breath before he started talking again.

  “He tried to come on to me in the locker last year and I turned him down. I thought we were good until he started doing slick underhanded shit while on the field like purposely not block for me or cutting into my plays to get the ball.” Hearing him say that instantly made me think back to those games and how their friendship had changed during that time.

  “Why you aint never tell me? We been boys since elementary school, if that nigga tried you like that then I woulda beat his ass.”

  “Beat his ass or jackoff with him some more to keep him from trying his bullshit?” He said looking me in the eyes. It seemed my whole body froze, and I couldn’t find words to speak. “Yeah I know about that.”

  “Ummm I don’t know what you talking about.” I said looking at the blank tv screen.

  “So, we lying to each other now, maybe you should be careful who you do shit with and you wouldn’t have to worry about your business getting exposed.”

  “Who else knows?”  I asked.

  “From my understanding it’s just me because your lil boyfriend thought by telling me that it would make me want him. But my other question to you is why him?”

  “I don’t know it kinda just happened one day and been going on ever since ………. I can’t believe that hoe ass nigga ran his mouth like a bitch.” I said shaking my head but what I wasn’t expecting was what came out his mouth next.

  “Yeah that may be true but that’s not answering my question…… why him when I’ve been here all along?” I looked at him and once again I was speechless. “I’ve always held out hope that one day you would notice me, but it never came and when he told me that I was pissed.”

  “Why you never said nothing to me about it if you were feeling that way towards me?”

  “Because I thought maybe it was stretching because I’ve seen you pull more hoes than a lil bit, so I kept that to myself.” He said looking at the floor, for some odd reason I felt my body being drawn to him.

  “You should have told me D.” I said walking towards him. “What the old saying your mom use……. Close mouths don’t get fed.” I said lifting his head up, the look in his eyes was something I never saw before from him. We stood for what seemed like forever just looking at each other but it was a few seconds before he leaned in and place his lips on mine. The kiss began to get even more passionate as the seconds rolled by. Somehow, we ended up on my bed with me on top of him still kissing him, our hands roamed around each other bodies in perfect sync with one another.

  “We should stop before things go to far.” He said rubbing my face.

  “Yeah you right……… Dylan I’m glad you finally said something to me and I’m sorry that I didn’t notice this awhile ago.” I said kissing him again.

  “Its ok, we have the rest of high school and college to make up for lost time.” He kissed me again and got out the bed.

  “Where you going?” I asked looking at him confused.

  “To the guest room nigga duh.”

  “Sleep in here with me.”

  “You sure?”

   “I’m sure.” He walked back to the bed and got in behind me. I don’t know what the future has in store for us but I what I do know is that first in the morning I’m beating Zakaria ass. Once that’s done then I’m going to focus on making up for lost time and stop being so clueless with Dylan.

(Pictures used does not reflect the actual Characters just as visuals for the story)

©uniquecreations 2020

[idkwhatimdoinghere89]

Snow Day

Elliot Alderson x Female reader 2,125 words Warnings: Marijuana use, Alcohol use, Mostly fluff, mild to moderate suggestive sexual situations. ***** Sunday, December 1 My phone buzzed.

"Im on my way"

Elliot lived about 10 mins from my apartment, so it normally wasnt a bad walk except tonight the snow was expected to total about 14" within the city. Snow wasnt my cup of tea but its one of those few things that made Elliot happy. Like a school boy who just learned he didnt have to go to school and would run outside to build a snowman or flop down and make snow angels and just rejoice in the cold flurries that floated around him, the flakes softly landing on the tip of his nose and quickly melting away.

"Okay, see you soon" I quickly typed before setting my phone down on the kitchen counter

I had just gotten home from work and all I could think about was cracking open a bottle of red and snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch under a big fluffy blanket, watching old movies as the snow came down, tommorow being a guaranteed snow day for us and all.

I changed into a warm, ribbed henley shirt and bulky grey sweatpants that im pretty sure belonged to Elliot that I had aquired.

'So much better' I thought to myself. I opened the linen closet in the hallway to retreive the blanket and tossed it into the dryer on high just to fluff and warm it up a little. I went to the bathroom to quickly brush my teeth and check my hair and face. A few minutes later I came out and grabbed a bottle of red from the wine rack on the counter when my phone buzzed.

"Hey, Im here." I grew slightly confused.

"Okay, come on up!" I responded.

"Will you come down and take a walk with me?"

My heart skipped a beat. Elliot was in a rough patch with his mental state, I knew this weather made him happy.. so I obliged. I loved him more than myself so, naturally, I would do anything to make him happy. Just to keep him like this. This was my Elliot.

"Sure just give me a minute, Ill be right down."

I ran to my room and grabbed a pair of jeans and a bulky hoodie and threw them on. I got to the front door and slipped on my boots as I grabbed my beanie and slipped my coat over the hoodie. I despised the cold and snow, but like I said before.. anything for him. I grabbed my keys and headed out to the elevator.

I walked out of the small lobby and saw Elliot standing right on the sidewalk near the edge of the street, hoodie off, face torwards the sky. It was unusual, normally he tries to blend into the concrete or the side of the buildings in this city but tonight his demeanor was so childlike, it made my heart melt. I opened the door and was met with a blast of arctic air that immediatley sent chills thru me. I shivered as I approached him. He turned just as I got to him.

"Hey" he smiled, that warm, happy, content smile that damn near took my breath away.

"What are ya doin out here? Having fun?" I teased with a smile as I leaned in to give him just a quick kiss, PDA not being his favorite thing.

As our lips pressed, he lingered a little bit longer by putting both his hands on my head, cradling my jaw lightly. We kissed lightly for another few seconds before he pulled back, my jaw still cradled, and he smiled once again. I could feel the pure bliss radiating off of him.

This is my Elliot.

He softly grabs my hand as he smiles down at me. And off we go.

We chatted about our weekend, I hadnt seen him in a couple days so I was really looking forward to seeing him tonight and just relaxing together. The snowfall was that very quiet, relaxing, almost eerie snowfall. It was bizzare for the city to be this quiet. Him and I just strolled hand in hand for a few blocks, taking our time, chatting and what not. That was when a gust blew by, stinging my skin. I flinch and squeeze my eyes shut in response.

"Jesus it got 20 degrees colder!" I laughed while in pain

"Aw, come on, lets head back." he said.

By the time we got back to the entrance to the apartment complex it really did feel like it dropped a substantial amount in temperature. We finally got to the front door to my apartment as I entered the code to unlock the door. I audibly shook the cold air from my body and dramatically shivered as we stood by the entryway, flopping our boots off. I headed to the thermostat to up the temperature.

"You are such a baby" Elliot teased me.

"Im sorry, you know I love being warm!" I immediatley responded.

I walked over to the fireplace in the living room, turning it on. It was a fake but it certainly was nice ambiance.

Elliot shrugged off his hoodie and hung it by my coat near the front door. He then promtly took his seat at his spot on the couch. Giving a light stretch, he extended his arms and folded them behind his head, leaning back, just staring blankly at the dark tv. I yanked the hoodie off the threw it over a barstool next to the counter.

"Hmm." I said loud enough to grab his attention.

He looks over at me, snapping out of whatever day dream he was in with the powered down tv.

"Whats wrong?" he asked curiously.

"I know how we can get a little warmer.." I said with a grin.

"Oh yeah? Hows that?" he asked with a slightly devilish grin.

I smiled and headed down the hallway torwards the bathroom. Pulling the shower curtain out of the way I began to run hot water in the tub. I grabbed some lavender bath melts from a glass jar on a shelf, plopping them into the steaming water. I grabbed a lighter from a drawer and lit some candles, illuminating the bathroom.

Before I knew it the tub was nearly full. I turned it off and dimmed the lights and I headed out to the living room where Elliot had seemingly resumed his daydreaming until he heard me and glanced over at me with a content smile on his face, fully knowing my intentions. I said nothing but extended out my hand to him. He softly grabbed it and followed me to the bathroom.

"Go ahead, Ill grab some towels." I said.

He obliged and pulled his shirt off, followed by his pants, and boxer breifs, tossing them in a pile. I grabbed them and threw them in the washer, starting a small express load immediatley. I came back into the bathroom a minute later where he was fully submerged with just his little head poking out from the bubbles.

"Youre too good to me." he said with the same smile that melted me.

"Well its pointless to get clean then put on dirty clothes again, babe." I lightly teased.

"Oh wait!" I said while running to my room. I returned a few seconds later with a freshly packed bowl I had prepped that morning, anticipating Elliots arrival. He hummed in approval at the sight of me holding the bowl. I handed it to him as he reached up, shaking any excess water from his hands. Taking a huge hit, slowly blowing the smoke outward. Setting the bowl on a nearby shelf.

His eyes began to scan my body. Clearly it was my turn to hop in.

I smiled lightly and pulled my shirt from my body, tossing it to the floor. I unhooked my bra and slowly slid it off, exposing my chest. I made eye contact with him as my hands went to my button on my jeans, I tilted my head down a little and my long, dark, tousled hair flopped delicatley just past my cheek, past my collarbone landing on my breast in the worlds most perfect timing. I smiled to him an innocent little grin as I pulled my jeans down along with my underwear. Standing fully and dragging my jeans with my foot to its designated pile. His eyes blinked softly, matching his sweet smile. He never once stared at any particular part of my body, just my face.

"Youre so beautiful." he nearly whispered. I shyly smiled back and slowly eased into the hot water.

A little time goes by as we laugh and joke around, taking turns taking a few hits off the bowl, talking to eachother about absolutley whatever as we faced eachother from opposite ends of the tub. My foot in his hand, as he rubbed it lightly.

"Thank you" he said after a solid minute of blissful silence.

"For what?" I asked curiously.

"For taking a walk with me. I know you dont exactly love the snow." he said.

"I dont mind as long as im with you, El." I said flashing a content smile. "..thanks for warming up with me." I continued.

He responded with another smile. A few minutes later, we decided pruning wasnt a cute look. We both got out and wrapped up immediatley in a couple huge fluffy towels.

"Im gonna throw your stuff in the dryer, in my top drawer theres a pair of breifs you left here a few weeks ago..." He nodded and went to my room.

I dried off completley before wrapping the towel around my body and walked over to switch his clothes. I threw the fluffy blanket on the couch, it was still nice and warm from being in the dryer. He emerged a minute later wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer breifs. I tried but failed miserably to hide my eyes as they scanned his toned chest and stomach. He practically frolicked by me and laid down on the couch, exhaling lightly as his body plopped down.

'Im gonna cuddle that so good tonight.' I thought to myself.

I went to my room and put on what I originally had on before I met him earlier in the tundra that was outside. Along with some thick fuzzy socks.

I came out and stopped to grab a couple glasses from the cabinet, using a corkscrew to open the bottle of wine I had selected earlier.

"You want some, baby?" I glanced over to him as he was staring out the huge window, watching the snow fall. TV still off. He looked so peaceful.

"Sure." he said, barely audible.

I smiled to myself and poured.

I set both glasses down on the coffee table and headed over to the window to get a glance outside. A very noticable amount of snow had fallen since we came up. I was snapped out of my observation when I heard his voice crack ever so subtly.. "come here.."

I looked over to him and was met with bright blue/green eyes. The flicker from the fireplace cast a beautiful reflection. I got lost in them as they were the most blissful Ive ever seen him look. I slowly walked to the couch and laid next to him and snuggled in, pulling the blanket over us. I positioned myself half on top, half off of him inward torwards the back of the couch with my hand resting on his bare chest, and my head nuzzled just under his shoulder. We decided on an old black and white movie.

About half way thru my eyes became heavy from the marijuana/red wine haze when I suddenly felt the heat that was his hand running up and down my back, under my shirt. As he ran his hand back down, it hugged my torso, running along my hip bone.

"Mmm.." I exhaled with a closed mouth. I nudged my head into him, lightly kissing the skin around his pec. I could tell he was awake by his breathing. His right hand gently covered mine that was resting on his chest, squeezing it lightly. I looked up to him to be met with half hooded eyes, as If he was already watching me. I reached over and pressed my lips against his. Reminicent of our kiss earlier, just.. way heavier. Way deeper. It was certainly getting warmer. His hand began to trail up my back once more, only on the downward stroke he reached in a little further. My hand now matching his movements as I softly stroked down his chest, then his stomach...

Our breathing slowed down, but I certainly began to wake up.

[hg80summer-blog]

Untitled or (The flute of Azathoth)

(This story is conceived and finished during the Fall of 2018)

Newspapers as a dying medium had struggled for a while by now, and the descent into the complete and utter abyss of extinction seemed to be accelerating in a jaw-dropping velocity. There was no wonder why her press was struggling financially, every newspaper outlet was, hers was just more severe. She was now standing in the line, waiting for her coffee, and that bastard of a teenager standing in front of her was texting on his phone while blasting loud and obnoxious music out of that headset around his neck, which kinda defeats the purpose of a headset. She was beyond annoyed, of course.

“Kid.”

The kid raised his head up, saw this middle aged red-haired woman standing right in front of him.

“What?”

“Would you mind turning off the music.” She said, tried to be as kind as possible, “This is a coffee shop, not a public park, nor it is the subway, though you really shouldn’t be doing this kind of stuff in those places either.”

The kid turned off the music, visibly fuming, but didn’t say a word.

She smiled. Proud of her own work, of talking a kid out of his annoying and selfish behavior. The line before her had shrunk, and now finally after a 20 mins long wait, which for sure would be the reason that she would be late for work again today, it was her turn to order the coffee.

The guy behind the counter was visually disgusting. Obviously of his teenage, pimples and blemishes were all over his cheeks, two bloodshot eyes suggested an intense binge the night before, or the influences of pots. Droopy nose, dull gazes, and a messily worn uniform, all permeated the sense of purposelessness and a faineant. She chuckled to herself, found that description of the cashier formed by her own head to be extremely amusing.

“Miss!” The teen was almost shouting at that point. “What can I help you with today?”

“Um...” She came back from her daze, “A cup of coffee will do. Lots of cream lots of sugar.”

As she held the hot coffee with both of her hands to help combat the chilling weather of the recent days, the front door was pushed open and a gust of breeze rushed into the store. Then the door just stayed open, and the cold air just kept pestering her scarfed neck. Finally, after a few moments of tolerance, she turned her head to see who was so irresponsible to not even close the door on their way in.

It was a sickly obese man sitting in a wheelchair, trying to get through the narrow doorway of the coffee store. The staff came to his help, but his scooter was just way too big to fit in. His oily face was filled with anger and the expression of dissatisfaction and discontent, his floppy arms were flying in the air, and his mouth was uttering the voice of complaint. Those who had suffered greater for a better cause, and now there is this fat guy standing in front of the coffee place wailing at the waiter because the door was too small for him and his enormous scooter. She tittered at the concept, took another sip of the coffee.

They didn’t put enough cream in it. It was bitter. 

* * *

“So. Are you free tomorrow?”

She raised her head.

“Hilbert.” She sighed.

“Are you that disappointed to see me?” The man languidly leaning on the glass panel of her cubicle was wearing a grey sweater, and always had been wearing a grey sweater.  Ever since the first day she met him, he was wearing a grey sweater. He pushed his glasses up with the back of his hand, “What are you working on right now?”

“Editing the report of that one ghetto.”

“How is it.”

“It’s um… it’s alright.”

“It’s interesting. It’s not… great?”

“Well, you know.” She turned her gaze back onto the screen.

“Listen, you care for a drink?”

The blue light illuminated her face, drenched her expressionless features with a somber tone. The cubicles of their publishing house were all so small and squishy, and dark as well for some reason, the light just couldn’t reach here it seemed. She often compared this place to that torture chamber in Edgar Allen Poe’s short story, where a pendulum axe was hanging above the stomach of the tortured inmate, and as time run off it would slowly descent and brings the inevitable doom to the poor soul, presenting the most gruesome death to any spectator too sick to not turn their eyes away. Weren’t they the readers? The idea popped up in her head just as her gaze locked on the statistics provided in the article that she was editing. The article was riddled with grammatical errors and faulty statistics, to the point of near incoherence. The writer of the piece was this overweight old fart, who practically lived in the publishing house since he owned no property whatsoever besides all his stationeries, the old fashioned typewriter of his and a seldom working printer, along with all those borderline trash hoarded in his own dorm room. He divorced a decade ago, lost his house to his wife, estranged with his son and daughter, and had been diagnosed to be severely diabetic. Though he had one thing to be proud of -- being the oldest employee of this publishing house, working here for at least twenty-something years. She found that funny, very funny. The old fart had lost all his abilities to write an adequate article for the press, but the house would never fire him just because he was the most senior member of them all. The reader was the sick one. She realized. When the reader read that short story, they were the one expecting the axe to cut the man in two, and even though in that story of Poe’s, the man escaped, but if theoretically the axe did come down and the man did got split into two parts, the reader would not turn away from the gore, because they yearned for it.  

“I presumed you don’t have anything to do this afternoon.”

“No.” She then realized he was still there. “I am free.”

“Care for a drink in my place?”

“How is your work?”

“It’s um… it’s alright. I need to review a play before I could go any further though, so that is bummer.”

“Tea?” She pulled out her draw, “Got some bags here. I could get you a cup if you want.”

“No thanks… listen…”

“Ey.” The receptionist, April, walked to her cubicle, with a commanding tone of voice and an everlasting despise on her face, “Someone was at the door. He said he came to see you.”

Obsequious sycophant, the harlot blew our boss under the desk. But it was rather a pleasant surprise. She had no relatives around this state, let alone with this city, nor did she have any friends laying around, so someone coming to visit her during work was actually a change of pace that she was not expecting.

“He said his name was John.”

The bench in the front door bore quite a bit of history actually. This press house was fairly old after all, but before its time, the building was actually a police station for the local towns. The bench was there for those who were arrested to have a rest before being dragged into whatever room that was needed for them to be dragged into. Unlike those things, the bench remained.

“I got you some tea.” She said.

He took the cup with the coaster, took a sip, and an expression of disgust emerged on his face.

“You never liked my tea, uh?” She said. “You never liked it, not even for a day.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You said that quite often, actually.” She sat down on the other end of the bench, “How is ma?”

He frowned at the question, took another sip of the tea. It was bitter. She knew it. She made it that way, and she wanted to say she made it that way unconsciously, but it really was not that convincing, not even to herself.

“She was feeling better.” He said. “She is feeling better.”

“Like how? Has she gone back home yet?”

“She is feeling better.”

“Is she still in the hospital?”

“You should be asking her that instead of me.”

“What do you mean I should be asking her?” She said, unintentionally raising and heating up her voice.

“I mean you should go ask her how she is.” He said, then he took a huge gulp of the tea, swallowing it with a painful and totally not exaggerated countenance.

“You do not like the tea. I see.”

“I did not say that.”

“You did.” Anger brewed within her, and slowly but surely she was edging on the cliff of an outburst. “You hate my tea. You always had. Now stop jumping all over the place. I know how much of a busy gentleman you are, and coming to visit me was merely the byproduct of a trip or something. How is ma doing? Answer me!”

“DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” He suddenly yelled out, almost spilling the rest of the tea, “I AM YOUR BROTHER!” Acerbate, his eyes bloodshot, and veins walled off his forehead like the defense lines from the battle of Stalingrad. He composed himself in mere seconds though, then made a deep breath, “Do not raise your voice at me.” He said, trying to be as calm as possible.

Silence dawned.

She stared out the front door. The long cold breeze blew through the empty but littered street. The press house located at the unheeded corner of the city, so of course vacancy and dead silences were the prevalent frequenter. The winter was longer than before, and harsher. The blanket in her house couldn’t even provide enough warmth for her to fall asleep without being bedeviled by nightmares and long dreams, which was why she was planning to go shopping for a quilt this afternoon to get her through the winter.

“Have you cleared the payment of your house?” He suddenly asked.

“Yes.” She said, still gazing at the street.

“So you own a house now.”

“An apartment, to be exact.”

“How is it?”

“It’s um… it’s alright.”

“It’s interesting. It’s not… great?”

She turned her gaze at him, and didn't answer.

A short pause. He looked at his watch, “Shoot, gonna go. The plane is flying in two.” He stood up. “Thanks for the tea.”

“You are welcome.”

He walked out of the building with festinate steps.

She picked up the cup he left behind, not a drop of tea was left behind.

As she was walking back to her office, or cubicle, she was stopped by the receptionist sitting at the front desk, once again.  

“Ron wants to see you. Like right now.”

She definitely swallows. She thought to herself.

“Thanks, April.” She said with a smile on her face. “I am going, right now.”

When she came back from her boss’s office, she saw Hilbert was still standing around her cubicle.

“Why are you still here?”

“Tea break. Where else can I go in this dreadful place.”

Truly it is a dreadful place. Not just this place. The city in general. What a hell hole. What an absolute hellhole. A place where gun shooting can happen so regularly it became one of the mundane. A place where sunlight was toxic and rains were acidic, umbrellas became a necessity on every day of the year. A place where morality is nothing but a piece of shredded newspaper flying across the empty blocks, so the homeless people will stab those who offer alms and helping hand, and bosses will force their female, or male who give a rat crap, force their female employees to suck their phallic one, and fat people would roam around the street while someone else starve to their lurid death. This place is dreadful. Truly dreadful. She could feel her spine split open from the middle, and raised into the sky like the skeleton of the birds' wings, so she could crash through the window of their press and leave this place once and for all.

“It’s alright.” She said, sat back down in her cubicle, and started to pack things up. “I need to finish my work now, you should get going as well.”

“Yeah… yeah… of course.” He said. After a small pause, he turned and about to leave.

“Hey. Hilbert.” She stopped him.

“Yes?”

“Where are we gonna meet for the drinks this afternoon?”

* * *

His house was as dilapidated as ever, with its shoddy door frame and chintzy carpets, molded corners and peeled off ceilings. Just like before.

"Is Bourbons on rocks okay with you?" He pulled out some glasswares and a bottle of Bourbons, cheap.

"I am alright. I don't drink no more."

He was pouring the liquor, and her words paused him, "When did that happen?"

"Happened a long time ago."

He resumed pouring a glass, clearly for himself, "Well, what can I help you with then?"

"A cup of hot coffee will be alright."

"Sugar and cream."

"Yeah."

The backyard still had that one tree in the middle. It had shed all its leaves, and what remained of it was only a wizen skeletal contour of its former self. There was a working table right underneath it, clearly, a birdhouse was in the making.

"Dickinson kept bugging me about this birdhouse. Really don't know where the obsession for birds came from." He said, walked up to the table. "It's almost finished by now."

"I can give a hand." She really did not want to, but the fact that he brought up Dickinson and the birdhouse kinda made it no longer a viable option.

"That would be so nice of you."

The squirrel on the street looked anemic, lack of food source might have already taken a toll on it. What a pathetic sight. It just oozed with dreariness, which made it quite fitting for this place. This abhorrent city, abhorrent place, where the winter is so goddamn long.

“Someone is getting laid off, let me tell you that.” He said, cutting down the pine board as he was speaking. “Someone is gone, that is all I know. The house was not profitable, they had to kick someone off. For sure wouldn’t be that geezer sitting in the back of the office all the time being as unproductive as possible. Bunch of schmucks, am I right?”

She didn’t answer. She simply helped him attach the board onto the tree with some deck screws, then she just stood aside, watching him nailing down every single one of those holes.

“I need to visit ma.” She uttered.

“Oh? You planning to take out the rest of your yearly vacation leave already?” He said, “You know there is still Christmas.”

“I don’t need to take out anything.”

Just as he finished cutting the corner of the birdhouse floor, he realized. “Oh my lord…” He moaned, then he drank all the remaining Bourbon in the glass in one gulp, “What have they done? How could they…”

“I need to visit ma.” She interrupted him, calmly, “Would you be so kind and drive me to the airport this Sunday?”

“Sure, when are you gonna be back?”

She handed him a bunch of finishing nails, “Nail them.”

He did. Then he just stood there, looking at her. She remained unmoved, stared back at him with a gaze just as bleak as ever. “Are you serious?” He asked.

She handed him the last bit of nails.

“You are for real. Are you just gonna leave all these behinds?”

“Like what? What will I be leaving behind, Hilbert.” She raised her voice ever so slightly, and the tone of anger would not go unnoticed.

He still seemed determined to convince her, but after a ponder or two, he stayed silent. He couldn’t even come up with an excuse. The sheer incompetence of it bemused her.

There was no proper answer besides silence, so he nailed down the floorboard with the rest of the nails.

“Would you hand me the roof?”

She did. He put the roof to the side with some more deck screws.

The birdhouse was finished. They stepped back a little, observing their work.

“Well, you would at least be leaving something behind now.” He said, tittered.

She found that humorous. She truly did, but she didn’t laugh, not even a chuckle.

On their way out, Hilbert invited her to dinner, and a play. It was the play he was supposed to do a review on, and it would be performed in the local theatre on Thursday night. He said he got two tickets from the press, but he had no one to go with, so he was thinking of selling that ticket to earn some extra cash. Now that she was leaving, he wanted this to be to their farewell event. As she was imaging burning the theatre down, she accepted the offer.

The play’s name was John.

* * *

She walked out of the theatre with a face of complete shock. It was a mind contorting catharsis. She felt sick, so she bent down and tried to puke out whatever the dirt and smut that was in her, but she hadn't eaten anything since yesterday, so she gagged on dirty airs, and choked on her own cold dark pride. Now she felt better, and her eyesight was now expanded for at least thirty degrees more than normal. Limbs felt duplicated, like many copies of them were behind each and every single move she made, shadowing her actual limbs with poor imitations. The play resonated. She could feel the play, and the storyline was giving her romantic kisses on her cheek along with the winter wind like she was being loved in the most intimate way that was possible. Making love. The play had made love with her.

She stood straight. The street was clean, people were walking out of the theatre, discussing the masterpiece they just saw.

Hilbert was standing next to her.

“Wow.” He said, seemed to be dazed by what he just saw.

“Indeed.” She answered. “I felt kinda sick.”

“Oh… I am so sorry.”

“In a good way.”

“Oh. It’s… alright.”

It's not alright, it’s great! She screamed in her heart.

“You need to head home then if you are feeling sick.”

“I will. Thanks for the play and dinner.”

“You are welcome. You have a way back right?”

“Yeah… buses.”

“I will see you around…”

She lolloped along the street for a bit, then she called a cap. Dragging herself onto the car became a harsh and relentless mission, but she did succeed at it. The taxi driver was this benign old man, with a green cap and a grey sweater on. He asked her if she was alright because she looked pale and sick. His face was furrowed beyond belief, but his voice was so mellow and chummy, and his expression so elder and kind. Befuddled by the nice old man, she told him the destination and closed her eyes shut pretending to be asleep. When the taxi got to her house, and as her feet were stepping out of her car, the driver gave her his blessing by telling her to have a good one, even though it was already two in the morning.

She got home, poured herself a glass of whiskey, and laid down her bed staring right at the ceiling. The alcohol ran through her throat like a double-decker bus operated by an inebriated Scottish man, and they burnt. She felt enlightened. The play she just saw sang songs within her head, and her mind became its backup singer. She had never felt so understood, no one had ever given her this feeling of absolute empathy, like the one who wrote this play actually knew her personally and knew her entire life up until this point. She gave a standing ovation when the curtain was drawn, and even now when she was already on her bed in her own soon to be former house, she still wanted to give the play another standing ovation. The script of the play had literally zero paid off, but the sense of loss and bloatedness and purposelessness and loneliness of life it had provided literally synchronized with her most inner emotions, like two magnets left near each other would just crash into each other with full forces, or two teens in their nonage with their unhinged hormones sucking each other’s face off in their embrace, or that one meteoroid leaped into earth during the extinction of dinosaurs.

She was drunk. She knew that, because she could see her own pallid volitant soul gyrated to the ceiling, ululating the sound of liberation. It flew all over the place, every corner of the room, and even tripped over the glass which still had some remaining whiskey in it. Elated by its presence, she cackled, then burst out in braying laughter. She would continue to lay on her bed, downing glasses after glasses of whiskey, and laugh and cry herself into sleep. She would do that because, for the first time of her life, she felt understood.

* * *

April looked just as beautiful as ever, with all the makeup and ludicrously expensive headgears. She was so young, and the blossoming youth could be seen from her ample bosom and ripe torso. She still got such a bright future ahead of her. She thought, so she walked up to the front desk. April saw her walking towards her, and gave her a giant PR smile. She smiled back, and thanked her for all the help she offered all these years.

As she cleaned out all of her belongings and cleared out her cubicle, sentimentality flooded her mind. She would miss this job, no matter how bad it may be from time to time, maybe she would miss this city as well. This job, this press house, was the epitome of a good chunk of her life, pleasant or not. Life was just too floaty and vacuous for one to insist it to be something enjoyable. All the bitterness she had gone through in this less than six feet square cubicle, now only amounts to a faint, lingering sweetness aloft her tongue. She smiled at the past, put the last of her possession, a Japanese peace Lily, into the cardboard box.

She was about to turn off the computer, and leave this house for one last time, but then she decided to read the newest draft of their newspaper, to see her final contribution to this press house. The last of her presence in this place that represented so much for her.

There was her work. The report about a slump near this area, written by that well-respected senior, edited by her.

Then she scrolled down a bit. Another article emerged.

The Cynical Banality -- A Critique of John

by Hilbert Johnson  

The latest trend among the circle of artsy, pretentious writers had slipped further into the depth of inanity it seems. The newest sensation, John, by Annie Baker, was truly the greatest piece of theatre work I have ever seen, due to how revealing it is, that through simply watching the play we can truly and intimately feel the cynicism of those writers and how little respect they held for both writing and the art form of theatre.   

The play followed a vacation of a damaged couple, and through piles amongst piles of useless dialogues and set up, we got to an ending that is so shocking, the only proper emotional response I can contribute is a simple sigh and a “meh” if I was having a good day. This is probably the most time-wasting theatre experience I have ever been through, and with my whole heart and with all my respect to anything holy above, I mustered all of my strength just to not walk out in the mid-act, and after the play had ended, I wish I could scorn myself for holding up the integrity of being an audience, because clearly, the creator of the thing has no intention of holding up anything.

Anton Chekhov’s principle of firing a gun in the third act if the gun was presented in the first act, had been defenestrated in the most violent way that is possible. The number of guns this play had thrown out was truly mind-boggling, and of course, none of them even made a spark by the end of the play, let alone firing any of it. The amount of subverted expectations become mere statistical numbers by the second act, and none of them can induce any emotional response besides simple ennui. Set up led to nothing, and half of the stuff the script had offered was useless beyond belief. The story threw out countless dots to encourage the readers to connect them by themselves, but by the end none of them had any pay-off and audiences and readers just left wondering why they wasted their time with it. It was like if there is this breadcrumbs trail in the forest, it is interesting so you follow it, and the trails just lead you to more forest, and more forest, and finally the end of the trail is just more forest and nothing else. It is an infuriating experience. 

Besides the problem of having no paid off, the story was also clogged with useless assets that have no use whatsoever. To demonstrate the point, there is this entire scene in the play dedicated to a reading of the work from HP Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu, with no particular reasons and contributed nothing to the story. Why Lovecraft? Why not Edgar Allen Poe? Why The Call of Cthulhu, why not The Shunned House? No one would know the answer to those questions, because it doesn’t matter. It is like the writer just put some useless trash in between the actual story, just so it is different than the “normal” and “mundane” stories of the others. The play felt wider than an ocean but shallower than a piss creak, but somehow those high tier critiques now consider that quality of one that is a compliment. Maybe I am too stupid to realize the symbolism these informations, but isn’t it equally problematic when your play had nothing but symbolism?

Which leads me here. Not only the content I must criticize, but I also need to criticize the mentality of it as well. Critics say the play had perfectly captured the nature of human life, and the loneliness it had offered, praised it to be one of the best plays that year had to offer. How the play subverted the expectations of the audiences, bringing them to an emotional rollercoaster. How the play successfully captured human’s inner nihilism.

If such a story and writing concept were executed in a short story, I would not even have said a thing. But to put it in such a drag out script, was truly an insult. The play felt like it was written to subvert the audience’s expectation, for the sake of subverting the audience's expectation. It was breaking the golden rules of storytelling, for the sake of breaking the gold rules of storytelling. It was being special, for the sake of being special. It has this immunity of criticism since whenever anyone points out the flaws within the story of the storytelling techniques, it could be brushed under the rug by simply saying it was the intention of the script so it could mimic the meaninglessness of real life. It failed at every level of providing a joyful or anything remotely close to an enjoyable experience for the audience, then turned its head and said it was doing so intentionally. It felt like a work created by the most high-end writer, just so he or she could break more new ground and receive more praise from all of her also high-end colleagues, the top five percent of the population. But this play was also genius enough to pander to the bottom five percent of the population, by presenting nihilism as its topmost quality. According to anecdote, when the play premiered at Paris, viewed by normal theatre-goers, all of them walked out in protest, but when the play was put on the San Francisco Prison, all of the prisoners gave it a stand-up ovation for how close and real the play had represented life itself.

How benevolent of an idea. In that case, whenever criticisms was brought up, this anecdote would just be the last nail of the coffin for the critique. Who you would want to side with, the poor and oppressed prisoners from San Francisco, or the smug, overprivileged theatre-goers from Paris? Case closed.

Truly cynical. To make a play so intentionally abhorrent for any normal viewer, and so pandering to those who are the most vulnerable along with those who are on the very top. It is truly disgusting to see the current mentality of creating art had regressed to a point where a Pulitzer Award-winning writer would write something like this, just to poke and enrage the normal viewers, then slap them across the face and scorn them for not understanding true hardship of human life, and being a privileged arse.

Art is based on real life, and above it. Imitating real life with art in this fashion, truly could only be described as pathetic. 

If I am being as cynical as the writer, I would answer the previously asked question like this:

Who actually, wholeheartedly, wants to side, or go along with the prisoners in San Francisco, rather than those so-called fancy theatre attendees from Paris. Sure, everyone would say they would go for the prisoners, and condemn how privileged those theatre-goers are, but are we honest to ourselves? Between the Id, ego, and superego, which part of us is speaking when we said we would side with the prisoners?

I don’t want to be so cynical, I truly don’t. But when faced with a play created for the top five percent and the bottom five percent of the population and no one else, created to break all the established rules for the sake of breaking established rules instead of breaking traditions because it would help the storytelling or the style of the work, created not to express a message to or provide any entertainment to the public but rather to scorn and educate them for being one of the mundane, created to be as artsy as possible and as high end as possible, I don’t really know the way to keep my cynicism in check. I am just a mundane guy, who went to a theatre expecting something, anything that is not a cynical piece of esoteric mock, and before I can do anything about it, my money and my time were wasted into the thin air in return of absolutely nothing.

I still haven’t mentioned how western-centric this play is, how any other culture that values practicalism and collectivism instead of romanticism and individualism of the westerners would despise this play with their most core value, and how racially insensitive it is for it to be exclusively enjoyed and judged by western audiences, but I have had enough. If I keep talking about this thing, the seed of migraine in my head will be out of control.  

This is true cynicism.

It has some terrific writing techniques, and the restraint and subtlety of the writing were all beautiful, but it can’t amount to all the other issues I have with the script, not even close.

I gave it a strong two to a light three, out of ten.

John, by Annie Baker, 3/10

By Hilbert Johnson

  * * *

Look at this fat bastard. Oily and greasy, how in all the bloody but holy hell can he get a job? She thought to herself, as the waiter standing in front of her was waiting for her to order something. What a waste of resources. Truly morality had got itself into some sort of unremitting horror, just so this creature can serve in an overpriced airport cafe.

“Nothing. Thanks.” She said.

“What you two want for drinks then?” The waiter asked, clearly empty-minded at this moment.  

“Uh I would want some sweet tea, and for the lady here, a cup of hot coffee, lots…”

“Black.”

Hilbert paused for a second. “Make it black then.”

The waiter walked off, and a cup of sweet tea and coffee were put on the table.

“So that’s it.” Hilbert said, taking a sip of the sweet tea, “No way to convince you.”

“You do not have to. Nor is there a necessity for you to do so.” She said, took a sip of the coffee.

Bitter.

“How about the apartment? You just clear your debt for it.”

“Sell it. Or rent it. You don’t have to worry.”

“You sure you don’t want to eat anything before you got on the plane?”

“No. I am fine. You can get something to eat if you want.”

“No.”

“Then we can just have a drink can’t we?”

Pause. Silence. Just the noise of her sipping her coffee.

“I want to apologize.” He finally spoke.

“Not necessary.” She then followed it up with: “For what?”

“I am so sorry about that play that night. It was truly not my intention… I don’t know better.”

“It was a pleasant night.”

“It was truly awful to waste our time like that. I don’t know what the play was about. I should’ve done some more research on it before inviting you…”

“I am actually kind of hungry.” She suddenly uttered. She waved for the waiter, this time the waiter was no longer fat and ugly, but still possessed the same uninvested attitude and disgusting demeanor for a waiter to have. “May I have a slice of the cheesecake, the plain one.”

“Yea, and what the good sir wants?”

“Huh… refill my tea.”

The cheesecake tasted like anesthetic, and it was also bitter.

“I just want you to know, I did not intend for the play to be that... indescribable.”

“It is alright.” She said, finishing the cheesecake with her fork.

“So uh… this will probably be the last time we have a meal together, in a very long time.”

“You want some cheesecake as well?”

“No… thanks.”

“The play was very good.”

“You really don’t have to say that… I felt guilty enough as it is…”

“My plane is almost here.”

“I will walk you to the…”

“You still have work, Hilbert. Thanks for all these years.”

“For sure.”

“Take care.”

“Yea.”

She left, leaving him alone, sitting in the airport cafe.

The cup of black coffee she ordered was not finished.

* * *

The old man laying on the bed looking unfamiliar and strange, elder as well, like some kind of eldritch monster. The bed was made with a clean white sheet, and the flowers next to the bed were all withered and shriveled. The Filipino nurse came in and took those flowers out of the vase, and replaced it with fresh white lilies. That corner of the room looked so clean compared to the rest like it was just created out of thin air minutes ago, like no one had ever walked into that corner of the room ever before. She walked around the room, confused, walked back to the front desk. The receptionist there looked like even more of a whore than April, which was quite an achievement considering the environment they were now in was not the most casual place for one to be working in, she was expecting some kind of professionalism at the very least. The nurse pushed her away because she was blocking the hallway, she stepped back a little, asked the receptionist, who was also a nurse.

The receptionist spent forever going through her computer, then she pulled out a bunch of paperwork and asked her to sign.

She was confused, she asked her the question again. The nurse stared back at her with the most intense gaze like she had just accused her of murder.

Murder.

Like an unclogged sink, she now realized why.

* * *

Rustling leaves and moaning sky, darkening the land with argentine clouds, screaming winds and blinding rainstorm. Somehow the moving company was still working even under such harsh conditions. Laborers and workers carried out those old familiar pieces of furniture and threw them onto the truck with the most apathetic attitude one could have ever have, but who could blame them, not a single person would be glad to work amidst an incoming storm, but uncultured man do uncultured job, who could blame anyone for it? She walked past those people, walked directly into the house. One of the workers stopped her, said the house was under construction and unrelated personnel should stay away, she said I am more related to this house than I would ever want to admit to myself and the police would be on their way if you keep blocking my way. The worker, of course, stepped back.

He was sitting on one of the wooden antique chairs of theirs, in the middle of a practically empty living room, seemed like the movers were doing their job quite efficiently. He was reading a book. Atlas shrugged. What a surprise. Men love it. They goddamn love it. Hilbert once read that book as well, and he wouldn’t shut up about it for the next three months. Truly one has to treat themselves with godhood to think of themselves worthy of the position of Atlas where he could have just shrugged away all of his weight. She had never read the book.

He rose his head and saw her standing at the door, with a black bedraggled umbrella on her hand.

“Holy moly! Why are you here?”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“When are you back? You should have told me about it.”  

“Why did you not tell me?”

“Why would you be here anyway? I really didn’t expect you to come.”

“Answer me.”

“You want some tea?”

“John.” She was gnashing. “Answer me.”

“There is still some coffee lying around.”

A short silence.

“A cup of coffee would be nice.”

“I don’t have much sugar though, and I think those creams have certainly expired…”

“Black.”

There were two wooden antique chairs in the living room now, and a small wooden teapoy between the two. A cup of coffee and a cup of sweet tea were placed on the teapoy, along with the book Atlas shrugged.

“When was ma gone?”

“Two weeks ago.” He took a sip of the tea. “Ah… perfect for a rainy day like this. A cup of hot sweet tea.”

“Why did you not tell me?”

“Do you know ma was extremely proud of us?”

She didn’t answer.

“Of course you don’t. Why would you? She kept telling me not to bother you. She didn’t want to bother you. She said to me, don’t bother her because her job working for that international trading company must be straining.”

“Why did you not tell me?”

“She said not to bother you.”

“What?” Truly enraged, she was progressively getting angrier as the conversation continued, “You didn’t tell me ma is gone, because she told you not to bother me?”

“Well, she didn’t want to bother you! You have a busy job.”

“So you didn’t tell me my mom is dead!? When exactly did she die again?”

“Uh… the funeral was this Monday…”

“Funeral? What funeral?”

“Funeral for ma. Everyone was there…”

“And you didn’t tell me my ma is dead! And you didn’t tell me about the funeral?”

“She said not to bother you… I listened to her.”

“What are you, mad?” She stood up in rage. “You didn’t tell me my mom is goddamn dead because she told you not to bother me?”

“Yes exactly!” He was vexed as well, for some reason, he was clearly in the wrong here so god knows what could possibly be fueling his fury. “Exactly, I didn’t tell you ma is dead because she told me not to! And by god! It took some amount of repetition to get this across that thick goddamn skull of yours!”

“We met on Tuesdays! We talked in the press house! And even then you still lied right to my face!”

“I didn’t lie to you. She told me not to bother…”

“You lied to me! You sultry little squid piss lied! You told me…”

“I DIDN’T LIE TO YOU! SHE WAS FEELING BETTER! SHE IN ALL HELL GODDAMN WAS!”

The scream was ugly, intense, and truly horrifying. Every other screams before this one shivered in its presence.

“I couldn’t drink tea no more.” He sat back down. “They all tasted bitter.”

“Me neither. I couldn’t drink coffee, because sugar and cream just make it more bitter…” She sat back down also.

Silence. The storm outside bellowed.

“I enjoyed some theatre art recently.” He suddenly voiced. “Have you heard of a play called ‘John’?”

Just when she was about to answer, a mover walked in.

“Sir, the furniture is all loaded on the truck now.”

“Sure, have a break, wait till the storm blows over.”

The worker gave her a gaze, then walked out of the house.

What a fat piece of trash. She thought.

The End 

[fanficparker]

Faking, Falling > Part 2

Harrison Osterfield x Reader (Fake dating! Unrequited love switcheroo!)

Word count: ~2.3k words 

Warning: Swearing, Angst, Fuckboy attitude

Summary: Harrison has some walls he wants to break but ends up repairing them again & again.

<< PART 1 [ MASTERLIST ] PART 3 >>

Ting

The light sound of clinking wine glasses, followed by soft laughs filled the room, a lot less busy than it was on weekends.

"You are really late Harrison, we were expecting you to flake out!" Claire chuckled, walking towards Harrison, her smooth tanned legs shimmering in the yellow light. Before Harrison could remove the wine glass from his lips and answer, she snatched it from his hand and sipped the liquid. It didn't even take her a minute to throw her legs over Harrison's and sit on his lap.

"Sorry babe, I was thirsty," she simply said, ignoring her old question and Harrison was no more bothered to answer it as her sitting on his lap was more of a headache for him.

"I will get myself a beer then," he tried to move but she pushed him back.

"Please babe take me home..." She whined like a child wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Harrison's friends scrunched their nose giving him the 'no PDA' look. He nodded ignoring the beautiful girl whose presence was mentally strangling him. To be honest, he wasn't interested to go anywhere with her. Claire was already drunk much before Harrison joined them in the pub, he was sure she had already undressed and dressed twice with some other guy or guys. Her dress was creased and her hair looked like sex hair. He didn't want her hands on his body, who knows if she even washed them after whatever she did. The thought of Claire's maybe dirty hands made the bile rise up to his throat. But he didn't want to look disrespectful or create any scene. It isn't like Claire never slept with him before, but he didn't want her anymore.

Slowly and slowly he felt drunker than any of the days he was actually drunk. He hasn't even properly taken a sip of alcohol but his head was already spinning. He could no more tell what his friends were talking about or hear the music. Maybe it was because of the pair of boys standing at the corner, their backs facing him. Both were shorter than him and had brown curls. Just one of them had thicker curls than the other and maybe his shade of brown was much closer to red. Damn, he wanted it to be Tom and Harry. They must be Tom and Harry. He hasn't met any of the Hollands or Tuwaine for a long time. He wished with all his heart that they were them. He waited for them to turn to face him. He felt weird. He felt hopeless yet hopeful. He never shifted his gaze from the boys. Maybe, maybe someone told them of his weird gaze because they shifted and turned, finally.

No.

It wasn't them. They were someone else, just had similar hair. They squinted their eyes making Harrison turn to the other side only to face his new friends.

Friends...

Sometimes he asked himself why he was even considering them friends. They weren't anything like Tom or Tuwaine or the twins. But the latter were now no more his friends. The spinning in his head was no more alone, his throat and chest were burning too. He tapped Claire's shoulder but she still didn't move.

"Get up. Get the fuck up!" He whispered in her ear with gritted teeth, almost threatening her. Claire didn't say anything else and removed herself from him. He ignored the questions his 'friends' were asking and walked out of the pub.

No one followed him, and he didn't expect either.

At least he could breathe air. Instead of getting in his car, he decided to walk along the pavement. He shoved his hands inside his jeans pocket, he felt the chill breeze touching his cheeks but it only made the burning sensation bearable. He kept walking until he saw the café, the café he had spent the most time in. It was small and closed but one of the finest in London.

He peeked through the glass, the lights from the street lamps showed the setup. His head drifted back to memories... The memories... The memories when he and Tuwaine would tease Tom and Harry with the breakfast pouring their least favourite syrup on their waffles or pancakes while Sam was the one shaking his head at the stupidity. No one cared if people watched them, made faces for their nuisances, all that mattered was they were friends, more like brothers enjoying in their typical 'div' manner. Sometimes Harrison's sister Charlotte used to join them, but she had her head inside the phone, Sam's girlfriend joined frequently, sometimes more friends and sometimes Shelly used to join them too...

Shelly...

He puffed air remembering her face making the fog stick to the window panes. He rubbed it off with his palm, but this time instead of looking inside he focused on his own reflection.

He looked different. The mirror could tell he had changed from outside, but what it couldn't tell was how much he had changed from inside.

He thought he hated the old him. But he was wrong. He hated what he has become. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, calming his heart rate. He didn't want to go to his lonely flat. It's been a while he slept in his family house or ate with them. He missed how much he wanted to pat his dog Monty, how much he wanted to play with him or smile at the breakfast table when his mom made him breakfast accompanied with a little smiley she drew using ketchup or honey.

He checked the time. It was already 1:30 am. The new Harrison would never call his family at this time, he hated when they asked too many questions. But he missed the old him. He didn't waste any time and called his mom telling her that he was coming home and that there was nothing to worry about. He didn't care his family home was the complete opposite of where he was right now, he just drove there and it felt comforting.

* * *

You exhaled deeply, sipping your coffee.

"Is that Harrison's car?"

Yes, it was his car. You saw him through the open window. You instantly checked the time on your phone.

8:20 am...

Wasn't he supposed to reach there by six?! That's the only reason you had to stay late yesterday...

The curiosity in you got you up and you found yourself following him behind in your car.

All you remember was searching for the perfect opportunity when he was vulnerable. You were ready to roll your dice. You parked your car just behind him and followed him slowly as he hurriedly rushed inside the building.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

George wasn't yelling but he surely sounded frustrated.

"I just got... stuck in the traffic." Harrison moved his hand through his unruly, uncombed hair, something he did when he knew his excuse was scarily dumb.

He just felt too comfortable and safe sleeping in his family home. He knew he was already an hour late but still waited to eat breakfast with his family and petted his dog. But his mom didn't make that smiley with ketchup on his breakfast this time... Nor his sister talked about any new meme she stumbled across or about her new friends or a crush or something hilarious that happened in a party she attended. They did smile at him and were nice to him. But they weren't them... Maybe... maybe because he wasn't himself.

"It's two and a half hours past six. The photographers were really pissed. It's dangerous for my reputation. How am I supposed to face them again? Should I shut this project?" George slid into the chair, hands on his face. Harrison was always a bit late, but a 'bit' and this time it was literally too much especially when George had invited some prestigious photographers for magazines and advertising.

Harrison could see everything taking a worse turn, his own reputation seemed to be in danger right now. And then he saw you through his peripheral vision. He didn't care whether he considered you stalking but the fact that you were always punctual (and hence trustworthy for George) was something he could use.

"My car first stuck in the traffic and then got punctured, Y/n was right there. You can ask her!" He pointed at your direction as George's head shot up.

Harrison made a pleading expression with his face. Lips shut tight but a bit pouted, eyebrows bent and focused in the middle. He knew you were someone who would literally help anyone in trouble and he was shameless about using you.

But what he didn't know was you were into a game and were ready to help anyone maybe, expect him.

You gave him a smile and he felt assured. He straightened his posture and a proud smile tugged on his lips.

"Is it so Y/n?" George looked at you and you walked to both of them.

"I mean I would really help Harrison with his punctured car if I was there. I got out of the home after 8 myself and found him speeding. I have no idea. And basically, Cath drives via highway and is still on time, I don't know how Harrison got stuck in the traffic. Is it so Harrison?"

All this time Harrison looked at you wide-eyed, jaw slack. He was sure you would say yes, but wow... He had no idea what to say back, he kept shifting his gaze from George to you and you to George.

"Well, I gotta do my work so excuse me." And you moved away from the drama with a smirk on your face. Smirking was no more his thing now.

* * *

You were relaxing at your table when Harrison stormed in.

"Are you possessed or something?" He said with an annoyed expression. "You really could have simply said yes and you said---"

"The truth?" You raised your eyebrows.

"Uh-ah" He was once again devoid of replies, mouth slightly open. Still, he tried his best to defend himself.

"But-but... You could have lied. Now George will think I am a liar." He was unsure of his own words, he threw his hands to look justified, to hide how much your words were able to manipulate him, make him look weak.

"Become a liar myself to save your lying ass. Sounds fair." You pretended as if his presence or absence didn't matter making you read the magazine than looking at him.

"It affected my self-esteem." He said quietly which made you look at him.

"Like you cared for mine at Rick's party. I didn't ask you to lie, to pretend as if... as if you like me. And how did you treat me?"

This time you weren't acting...

"It's old Y/n. No one remembers---"

"I remember! Wished someone did that to you. You would know how it felt." You made your way out, not noticing how your little words completely swept away all the colour from his face.

***

Days went by and you were happy that you were really not at all giving Harrison any of your attention, although after the little conversation he didn't actually bother you much. Maybe your little plan was working. But you weren't satisfied with your work, you wanted all your venom for him. You wanted to hate him utterly and wanted him to know that you hated him.

Maybe you could do something terrible like he did?

But then won't you both be the same?

But what he did, is it worth to be forgiven or for god sake forgotten?

You thought about it all weekend, reaching no conclusion in specific.

There's isn't just any article available on the internet to teach you how to hate someone.

The more you thought about it, the more you asked yourself the question, is your goal is to show him hate or make him realise what he did deserve the hate?

There weren't many days left for the shoot to get over. You won't have to deal with him anymore. Why waste this precious time thinking about him? But you really can't completely get him out of your mind at the same time.

And then it hit like a switch. Simon who is also your assistant had a good fight over something with Harrison. And Simon was also the one who just a week ago asked you on a date. Why don't you date your enemy's enemy? Especially when Simon is nothing like Harrison...

***

All-day during the work you tried your best to be near Simon and when finally, in the lunchtime he looked relaxed you decided it was the best time to talk.

"I really thought about what you said. I mean I really thought about you..."

He gave you a confused look.

"Thought about what exactly?"

"I mean you are really nice and sweet and I think I can manage my time and think about... You know that... date?"

Fuck. This wasn't supposed to be this direct. What if he's no more interested. You sank on your seat, about to die from embarrassment when Simon chuckled... More like happily giggled.

"I am really really happy that you thought about it. I will love to follow up."

There was the biggest smile on his lips which in turn made you smile.

Fuck that time when Harrison made you smile with his fake ones. Fuck him.

"So tonight?" He asked.

"Tonight." You replied almost trying not to smile more.

Now all you have to do is go on this date and also in some way make Harrison know how much his enemy was better than him...

_________________________

I love you & your feedbacks... But idk if you love me...

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[sheepishlyshippingsheep]

What I love about BNHA Season 4 Ep 1

Okay I said my thoughts about the series being posted on my Tumblr would be a regular thing but the past chapters have been really making me nervous. I have several Tumblr drafts already but I couldn’t post it. HAHA. So for now, here are my thoughts for the first episode of this most anticipated season!

 Spoilers after the cut!

As a journalist irl, this one really touched me so much. Often in anime/manga or jdrama, I’ve seen media being depicted as being terrible xD only after scoops and stuff. BNHA was no exception. Even I felt so bad with the grilling that UA had before the media. Of course media culture is different for my country, but my pride with my pen was also questioned thanks to these things I’ve been watching. SO to see a bunch of journalists who love All Might but also their job? It was so good to see! (EDIT: His camera quirk too! I’m so glad it was given to him just imagine if Mineta had such quirk!! OH GOSH THE HORROR) The episode-special character was shady at first but given his past, his goal was super touching. I LOVED WHAT HE TOLD DEKU THAT HE’D WRITE “THE SYMBOL OF PEACE WHEN HE WAS YOUNG” I ALSO LOVED HOW HE SAID HE WAS SO HAPPY TO WRITE THAT THERE IS HOPE.

Because that one line got through me. Even from episode 1, I knew BNHA wouldn’t be all the fun adventure it looked like despite the comic reliefs. It had several foreshadowing of darkness that is slowly being peeled especially with the upcoming arc (a bit of a warning for anime-only watchers because darkness will really come for the next episodes). But that one line made me realize that we are watching these kids’ growth and even if Deku is All Might’s successor, these kids are all symbols of peace. These kids are all the hope that the world needs. And that is so heartwarming to realize again.

I also loved how this episode was a creative “recap.” The swimming episode seasons ago was fun, yes, and also a creative to have a recap. But this one was done (for me at least) more tastefully. Not just fun, but something that leaves a good impression.

THE DAY TO DAY LIVES OF THE CHARACTERS GOT ME. I had to pause and rewind several times. It’s just so good to see everyone in their “natural habitat.” With all the action and pressure of being a hero and all the things that make the plot turn heavier each time something happens, it’s so good to see them having fun or just being chill. They are still kids and I’m so happy to see them doing kid things.

THERE ARE SEVERAL DETAILS THAT ARE SO FUN TO LOOK AT. Hate him or don’t like him, Mineta and his usual perv ways was a thing that needed to be shown. He completes the Class A experience. Hagakure and her consciousness on her appearance is one too! Same as Aoyama’s sparkling and “looking into our souls.” Sadly we didn’t hear a dialogue from Bakugou but it’s fun to see him all angery again (and admit that the idle eating scene of him was eye candy). Sadly, no Todoroki dialogue too (right or I missed it?) but his stolen shots were cool. Tokoyami and Dark Shadow! GOSH how many times were they shown eating? HAHA. It’s so cute to see Dark Shadow serving him food <3 Kaminari charging phoneS was another great thing to watch! Koda being that cute cinnamon roll. Iida being IIDA haha. Aizawa snapping on Mineta was fun too xD The Ashido-Hagakure team-up when it comes to chats is also wonderful.

Another thing I loved about this episode is that though the profiles of each UA student, we got new scenes. it wasn’t purely just recycled scenes. We got to see more of their daily lives. Some good things to note about their characters!

If there’s one thing, I wish I saw more Kyouka? More Momo? Or more Bakusquad interaction? More Tsuyu? Meizo? But in a 20-min episode, that is understandable! I’m already happy to see the kids.

Notice that I haven’t mentioned Ochako or Izuku BECAUSE WE GOT IZUOCHA!? I MEAAAAAN. For this episode, it was mostly Izuku being flustered! That is so cute! We all know that it’s confirmed that Ochako has feelings for him but we’ve yet to get a clear one from Izuku. So you know, instead of getting Ochako being the one flustered (when she’s the one who has a crush), it’s Izuku. So my shipping heart is happy! 

That selfie shot of Izuku and the journalist though! LOL Ochako blushing like that!? I mean I know she’s confused. But LOL. I can’t. 

IZUKU WAS SO PRECIOUS IN THIS EPISODE. I COULDN’T GET ENOUGH OF HIM EVERY TIME HE WAS SHOWED. HE WAS SO CUTE.

HIS LITTLE SCENE WITH ALL MIGHT TOO WAS SO HEARTWARMING OH MY GOSH!

AND ALL MIGHT WAS SO CUTE IN THIS EPISODE! I’M SO SO HAPPY THAT THE EDITOR IN CHIEF SAID OUTLOUD THAT HE IS CUTE!

Speaking of All Might, mentioning the movie was pretty good! Makes you think that all fillers are connected. 

Izuku’s intro is also new compared to the past 3 seasons. So cute to see everyone in it but I noticed my ships sharing same scenes so maybe that;s an addition for my personal enjoyment

All in all, I love this episode! It’s a good refresher that has its own story and content! The upcoming episodes are gonna go darker so I super appreciate this gift.

I won’t specify my thoughts on the OP and ED because it would take so much time! Probably another post? IDK but both are chilling! The OP has all the elements of foreshadowing to more happenings in this arc EVEN THE SUBTLEST ONES (like Touga suddenly appearing after Ochako? That one was soooo good!) so anime-only watchers, I suggest you go absorb that opening because you’ll see lots in future episodes! The ED was just... heartbreaking. I didn’t want to make a joke but it really broke me then Mirio and Deku smiling in the end built me up.... but it’s a bad joke... if you know the story... of Eri. SO YEAH. These are my thoughts. Thanks for reading if you reach here!

[rosyerim]

pocket sized!nct dream

basically nct dream but,,,they can fit in your hand,,, also mark isn’t here but I couldn't find a dream gif w/o mark 

haechan;

usually sitting ontop of your right shoulder, judging every task you do

“why does your handwriting resemble chicken scratch?”

“your hair is greasy, you should wash it”

“that ramen isn't cooked properly, the water is too hot!”

“haechan I will throw you in the pot”

he shuts up realll quick

but then he's back to whining & will only shut up if you give him half a cookie since he can't finish it whole

he loves a good ole KUWTK marathon but you have to remind him he is not actually Kim kardashian and you’re not his assistant

once he was looking for his your headphones & started snapping his fingers at you to get them lol you weren't happy

he doesn't even have to try but haechan can make you laugh at literally anything he’s just naturally funny 

so whenever you’re in a bad mood, the boys send him out to you to sooth you & it usually works lmao

is like your own personal stylist, he makes sure to check out your outfit before you go out anywhere

when he doesn't like it he just gives you a certain look up and down

“you don’t like it? whats wrong w it?”

“that top with those heels? whats right with it?

renjun;

steals your pencils that are basically stubs so he can do some drawing of his own :’((

makes you stay up late with him to watch conspiracy theories about the universe but then falls asleep on your phone screen 20 mins in

loves when you buy little stones for yourself, for like protection & well being, etc and renjun will spends hours wiping them down & researching everything he can on the stones

uses your phone just so he can learn how to do ballet from the comfort of your house but is still too shy to show you a dance routine for now

hates hates scary stuff but insists on watching the documentary about serial killers & afterwards he usually ends up sleeping on the pillow your head is on because he swears he's being watched lol

prefers sleeping in your hoodie pockets but has had one too many near death experiences with you not realising & catching him as he falls out so now you carefully pick up any article of clothing you own

likes the piano tiles app because he can basically play it using his lil feets 

he also beats your high score so you're lowkey salty but so long as he’s happy 

comes to you first about all his problems & likes to have a lil venting session with you & him cuddled in the armchair, sharing a cup of hot chocolate because he doesn't like bitter things

sometimes when you’re feeling kinda down he sits down on your shoulder & sings to you softly in chinese because he doesn't want you to,,,feel alone,,,my heart,,,,take it(●´□`)♡

jeno;

the quietest boy out of the six and the sweetest little boy ever :’((

brings you flowers he picked out of your neighbours garden covered in dirt because he saw how stressed out you were abt studying & reminds you to drink your water <33

likes to sit on your lap watching morning cartoons, giggling away behind his tiny bowl of cereal 

is best friends with the next door neighbours cat yet is deathly allergic to them??

he nearly scared you one morning when you were woken up by jeno’s teeny screams from around your house but turns out he was just riding on the cats back

you ended up having to take care of him for two days since he got super sick

you tried to scold him but he was still on the high from being up so high so he's just like 

“okay I'm sorry I won't do it again (｡◝‿◜｡)”

goes on random junk food hunts around your kitchen, can be found eating half a dorito chip in your cupboard at 3am mood

has a newfound love for asmr’s & if you ever lose your phone, worry not because jeno has it & is watching; long nails tapping different objects for two hours, no talking, only sounds 

also looooves dancing so he likes free styling with jisung by the radio & gets all shy & blushy when you compliment him 

jaemin;

lives in your shirt pocket because its 1) close to your heart & 2) very warm in there & 3) doesn’t have to leave your side!!

loves you v much & expresses it by leaving little pecks on your fingertips :’)))

likes to sleep on your fluffy plushies because its super comfy to him

his favourite is obvi ryan

fave spot is standing on your counter doing the best he can to help you bake sweet treats

imagine him standing holding up a whisk attempting to mix the wet ingredients with the dry ones but ending up falling :(( 

bub gets sad because he's afraid he messed it up but gets happy again when you set him on decorating the cakes :)) he’s super concentrate & even goes as far as to write your name best he can with icing

if its long then he just writes ur nickname 

likes to spend some of his free time reading books

the first time you were really confused on why your english book standing on its spine, had pages opening randomly 

turns out it was just jaemin being an intellectual

 you end up helping him flick the pages tho after he gets a paper cut :(

he really milks it tho like

“oh no y/n my hand is in pieces, I think im dying ε-(≖д≖﹆)”

but once you give him a hello kitty bandaid & hugs he's okay

chenle;

likes to sit in the palm of your hand & talk to you about how your day went & about how his day went & the birds he saw in the sky today & how he likes ice cream & basically it’s him babbling away to you

but you don't mind it, he's so endearing :’)

goofiest little man, tells you random jokes he heard on the radio & gets all smiley when you laugh at them, even if they're not funny

makes you play dominos with him but by the time he's gotten three standing up, you've got the whole thing set up

doesn't stop him from pushing the first one down and shrieking in delight when they all fall in sync aw cute baby

he also watches some KUWTK w/ haechan as he loves the drama & he picks up the lingo 

“hey lele have you seen my phone?im so annoyed I can't find it”

“omg there are literally people dying y/n ੧| ‾́ー ‾́ |੭”

you end up banning them from watch it 

even tho he’s small he eats a loooott

he will eat an entire bowl of ramen if you let him & you try to stop him but all he has to do it be like

“please let me eat it all y/n i wont get sick i love u uwuଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧”

“oh of course you can you cutie here you go (n˘v˘•)¬”

he ends up with a tummy ache, again so you’re looking after him, again

not that you mind, he's the babiest of babies (˵¯͒⌄¯͒˵)

jisung;

can be found sleeping on top of the fluffiest make up brush you own

sleeps everywhere, likes sleeping under your carpet??

when you try waking him up he just falls back asleep in your hand :,))

if he's not sleeping, he's free styling by your radio and you can't help but record it

swears he doesn't like your slime yet you've had to help him out of multiple sticky sticky situations because he got too excited playing with your strawberry scented slime

watched one episode of gordon ramsay & swears he's the masterchef 

“aii that’s not how you fry the rice! you need to wait until it sizzles dude do you even know what you’re doing?!”

you set him down in the timeout corner

but he’s just chilling like

“if I get food poisoning its your fault (｡･･｡)”

picks up the local whiteboy lingo after he listens to his “lit asf playlist”

will randomly say aye & start nae naeing to you like, tapping your pen on the desk when you're studying 

won't admit it but loves when you cup him in your hands & sway him from side to side & he trusts you enough not to drop him

also has a weird habit of surfboard in the sink with a barbie surfboard & tells you to blow on the water so he can “surf”

you do it tho because his little giggles fill your heart

bonus; imagine all of them in little onesies of their fave animals & little cute hoods ♡✧。 (⋈◍＞◡＜◍)。✧♡