#im just overwhelmed. ive never gotten a comment like this before | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fruitsbasketlesbian · 7 years ago

Note

Hey hey hey sooo I’ve been thinking of writing this for a while but I’m a big fat pussy so even though we’re mutuals I’m doing it on anon (((: A few days ago I was trying to sleep and I suddenly thought about how writers aren’t appreciated enough. Honestly, it makes me sad how writing isn’t viewed the same way other forms of art are. Don’t get me wrong, a drawing can be really cool and make you experience another side of someone’s imagination in a physical way, and that’s awesome, but (1/?)

reading such beautiful and fluent writing like yours is truly mind-blowing. I mean, I can start off reading something of yours and before I know it I’m lost in the midst of fighting some huge battle, or I’m feeling emotions that are not mine but instead belong to a character that doesn’t actually exist. The purpose behind creating powerful and meaningful art is to not only express emotions that belong to yourself or to a character you feel deeply for, but to instill those same feelings in (2/?)

an audience. And wow… do you really set the bar high when I read your work. Writing is some hard shit, I do it every now and then for fun, but it never quite flows the way I want it to and hey, that’s fine with me. I write for myself, I create art for myself, and all of this is done on a whim. You, however… I’m not quite sure I could put what you do into words. (Okay, I just realized this is starting to sound really creepy… please forgive me lmao). I am no stranger to reading, I’ve done it (3/?)

all my life, and even though it’s tapered off over the past few years, but It’s safe to say you are one of the very very few writers that has me caught in a tractor beam of an overwhelming desire to read more. I realize I’m kinda rambling here so I’ll backtrack and continue on my original path…. Oops (: What I wanted to say was I really appreciate all the work you’ve done, and although I know that periods of time will come and go where you may not see writing as a true form of art, or you (4/?)

may not deem it worthy to show to the eye of the public, everything you create is inspiring and wonderful and contagious in the best way possible. I hope your realize this, and if you didn’t I hope you do now. Keep on expressing yourself and (hopefully) doing what you love because there will always be some scaredy-cat out there like me who’s too afraid to tell you upfront how they truly feel, but appreciates everything you do all the same. So, thank you. (5/5)

anon u made me cry now u Have to dm me ;;;; fr tho this is the kindest and loveliest comment ive received my whole Life im cherishing it forever and thank u

and regarding ur first couple of comments i agree re: writing and art.... i feel like art is very easy to consume in a way that writing isnt? i mean it obviously depends on the subject but at the heart of it, in a fandom sphere, u can Look at a piece of art, maybe think abt it for a bit, rb it, and thats it. for writing u have to invest urself in the plot and the characters and there are so many pitfalls as a writer that can easily make a reader go off ur work (eg bad grammar, mischaracterisation), and with writing as well u do have to create a whole plot and take all these things into consideration whereas with one single art piece that’s not entirely necessary. so it’s never that i dont see writing as a valid form of art, it’s just the difference in validation/exposure u get thru writing isnt as great as art (altho there’s a lot to be said abt how visual art suffers more plagiarism, and also there’s the whole likes vs rbs thing that is an issue too). so that can be....Very Discouraging lol

but honestly thank u so kindly !!! contagious im just...overwhelmed im shaken anyone could ever Genuinely feel this way abt anything iiii write !! and honestly, if this is abt mos (which...im just presuming it is?), then that was completely based off a whim. i wanted corrupt lance (sorry baby) and i wanted the aftermath of trauma and i wanted recovery so i was like Fuck It and wrote it. like everything i write is on a whim ! but as i was writing over the yrs i came to the same realisation as u that art is abt the Audience, so thats why mos in particular focuses so much on that and i try so hard to rly drag the audience in and force them to feel all these ugly emotions and get caught up in this like...rollercoaster. like it doesnt come easy. it’s a lot of work. so thank u for recognising that ! and now id die for u so like...when u need to collect....say the word...

#anon im not KIDDING get in my dms so i can thank u Personally #idk what else to say i dont have the words???#this is...So Kind...#like....#i just looked at my phone after 20 mins of chilling and saw all these messages and my heart LEAPT #im just overwhelmed. ive never gotten a comment like this before #thank u so much waaaaah #ill be crying for uh. ever abt this #happy #anonsy #qs

2 notes · View notes

king-bee-sting · 4 years ago

Text

So after some debate, I've decided to become just a simple Male! Reader blog

Im tired of seeing requests in my inbox for Fem! Readers and having to silently delete them or either say "hey. Check my rules. I dont write fem reader." Or the much more wanted but never said "look in my bio. Its literally the first thing on the blog"

Ive gotten a few hate comments as well that ive never shown because i want my blog to be peaceful.

Ladies please dont misunderstand; I dont hate you and this isnt a bash towards you. Ive stated multiple times that Im not a woman. Im not comfortable writing for a female reader. I know before i ever even think about writing a request for a fem reader, i will get dysphoric while doing it.

There is so little content for male readers. In the sheer amount of fanfiction on the internet, i constantly hit the bottom of tags, scoured websites page to page, scrolled through endless accounts trying to find that one small male! Reader fic.

Female readers have been normalized for x reader fanfiction. You dont have trouble finding your content. Im glad you enjoy my writing, but unfortunately I'm not the blog for you. There are so many other blogs out there happy to fulfill your request for female readers. Go to them. Go support their content.

Dont hate on my blog for being one of the very few that wont write for female readers.

I want other men to be able to get the content we so desperately wish for. I dont want them to get sad when they dont find their content anymore. I dont want them to sigh and change the readers pronouns in their head anymore. I dont want them to give up on finding their inserts. I dont want them to get dysphoria when reading anymore.

Ladies, you genuinely have no reason to get upset with me. This isnt your content to begin with. You have many many other blogs to fall back on. You can easily send in a request to them for a fem reader and you will get it written for you.

I write my content for me. My writing is meant to be a comfort for me and others like me. It is not for you.

I dont need to be inclusive when youre already included by the overwhelming amount of female reader inserts already created.

Get upset with me all you like, but you know I'm right. You already have your content.

Gentleman, this is your sign to send me all the requests you want. Heres a link to my navigation page that has all of my masterlists and rules in it. (I know it can be a little fucky sometimes. Just refresh the page, itll be ok)

Ladies, if you're allies, share this so your male followers or male friends know where to get content.

Everyone, if you know male! Reader blogs, reblog this post tagging them so us boys know where to go!

-mod ein

2K notes · View notes

bringingglory · 3 years ago

Text

thank you so much for the tags @hanamuri @fullmetalscullyy @megthemighty @nightofnyx8 @tsaritsa !

How many works do you have on AO3? 11! some are botw, one is tdiapt, some are fma, and some are haikyuu! i mostly just write for whatever im interested in at the moment/whichever fandom inspiration strikes for

What's your total AO3 word count? 101,939

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Keep Your Friends Closer But Your Enemies Closer - T: ahhhh my miraculous ladybug fic! ive literally been working on her for FOREVER and i swear to god im going to finish it, i literally know how i want to end it and i know all the events leading up to it. hell, i even have a vague idea of what i want to happen in the middle, i just need to know what order the middle stuff happens in and also i just have to write it. It's an AU where Ladybug and Chat Noir are actually enemies but then Chat Noir accidentally befriends Marinette and then drama etc etc etc.

rain - G: first zelink fic babey! set Pre-Calamity and basically link and zelda get stuck in a cave because of the rain and there's just a lot of quiet pining, etc etc.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa - T: HAHAHA this was a crack fic inspired by my roommate but then i forgot it was supposed to be a crack fic while writing it and there are accidentally real emotions alkjdfalksdf but anyway it was very fun to write lmao. it was based off this meme and basically it's an AU where Oikawa is Spider-Man and Iwaizumi doesn't know but they still like hang out and stuff. It's a lot of fun, or at least I think it is, haha.

stolen moments - T: first royai fic!!! just a series of "stolen moments" (mic drop) where roy and riza like cant be together but yknow, they try. lots of pining. etc

a secret weapon of sorts - T: 5+1 edwin fic inspired by the Simple People OVA where instead of ed giving winry earrings to get out of trouble, he gives her kisses.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Yes! I try really hard to!!! Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I don't respond to comments for a while, but I absolutely do my best to when I remember because I feel like it's my way of saying "thank you" for them reading my fics in the first place, haha.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Uhhhhh, sleepless I guess? But it's more open-ended/not explicitly positive more than anything, though even then I feel like I've got a hint of hope in there. alkjdfhalsdk idk man I just, I can't write *pure* angst, there's gotta be some light, and thus I could never end anything angstily

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? LMAO most of my fics??? I guess??? bc despite being an anxious piece of shit, I am an optimist by heart

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? When I was younger! Idk, I guess the Rise of the Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons fandom??? if anyone remembers what that is lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not exactly? Maybe some weird comments on KYFCBYEC but even then, it wasn't that often.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No no no no no no no no. I am telling you, I physically cannot write smut. I don't think I actually have the capacity. Absolute fucking kudos to every single smut writer out there bc it truly is an art form capturing that intimacy and emotion and etc, but I literally get flustered from writing mildly detailed kiss scenes. If I ever wrote smut, I would burst into flames on the spot.

Actually lies, I technically wrote smut once, but it was at the request of my roommates and they wanted me to write a crack smut fic of Y/N x our uni's mascot and I wrote that thing in like 3 hours with so many silly memes to keep myself sane (not like other girls, tongues battled for dominance, etc), did not edit it, and because it was so, like, not serious, I was actually able to get through it. But even then, when I wrote "thrusting" I literally had to put my laptop down for 20 minutes.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet! Someone commented on Your Friendly Neighborhood Oikawa and asked if they could translate it and I said yes! They haven't gotten around to it yet, but I would love to see it if they do!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet!

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Bro it changes day to day. You can't ask me this lmao. The current ship I'm most fixated on is Iwaoi, but I wouldn't say they're my all-time favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I'm not answering this energy. On god, I'm going to finish things. I want to.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh very good question lmao. I don't really like thinking about "strengths" in my writing bc who am I to say? akjdslakfjdf idk, instead, I'm just gonna say some things I like/try to do in my writing, which are: conversational prose/having a lot of voice in the narration, I try to add humor wherever I can, and recently I've gotten better and metaphors and describing things bc I picked up writing poetry a year ago!

What are your writing weaknesses? hmmm, a thing I dislike about my writing/the writing process is that I'm slow to publish things and slow to finish things because I'm such a messy first drafter and I also take forever to edit. I would like to uhhhhh get things out faster. Also I tend to repeat myself a lot bc I forget the details of things I write sometimes lmao.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Hmmm, I dunno, I guess I don't have any strong thoughts? The only other language I know is Mandarin but even then, I suck ass at that, so I'll prolly never write dialogue in another language simply bc I like to try to portray things semi-realistically and I don't think I have a good enough grasp on any other language the same way I do in English to produce authentic enough dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Fablehaven I guess? But Idk I was in fourth grade an didn't even know what fandom was yet. Rise of the Guardians, maybe?

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

AHHHH idk??? maybe hold your hand out in the dark because i really experimented with my writing on that one and im sort of proud of the result, just like the fact that i wanted to try something new and it turned out alright. that or Sunset Wheeling which is an iwaoi fic where they just skate, and like it's prolly one of the most self-indulgent things i've ever written because it's silly and they just. skate. but aljdfalsjd idk i loved it and i churned it out in 6 days and it was a lot of fun lol

ahhh a bunch of people have been tagged already, so sorry if im tagging you again, but for now im just gonna tag @niconiconina @notkorras @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee @firewoodfigs and anyone else who wants do it!

7 notes · View notes

burnedbyshoto · 5 years ago

Text

Show Me How You Like It

Kinktober Day 12 ~ kink: pegging

pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader

warnings: cursing, smut

word count: 3,850

a/n: this is for @lady-bakuhoe .... oh god, i did so much research for this because ive never tried pegging, but idk....might need to convince someone oneday. also, new season?????? im literally shaking because the first episode was so pure,,,,,but this season,,,,,ohmy

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“Do you want to try it?”

Being married was something you thought of as unimaginable. Marriage and you didn’t ever seem to go hand in hand. Not that you didn’t want to get married at some point in your life. You never expected anyone to want you for the rest of your life.

You met Kirishima Eijirou in middle school. As you were best friends with Ashido Mina. You often noticed the shy dark-haired boy always watching on your friend group. You remember going to the U.A. entrance exam and sitting between Mina and Kirishima. The written exam you listened to Mina curse under her breath, and Kirishima shakes as he filled out his sheet.

You remember looking at the field he was then placed in for the practical exam. Sighing when you saw the three of you were then scattered everywhere. You had wished him luck! His cheeks turning pink as he stammered back good luck as you and Mina took off to get dressed. You didn’t know much about him besides that he was shy and very sweet, but you hoped he did well! The next month, the three of you called to the principal's office. You were absolutely astonished to see that Kirishima had gotten in as well! The three of you would be going on to U.A. together!

After ending middle school, you didn’t see him again until orientation. Except, he was different. A good different. His hair stylized, large spikes, and bright red. It was attention-grabbing, demanding even, but his face was still as sweet as ever. Kind and loving.

The first year flew by. Near-death experiences with him formed a bond with him that you never knew would manifest. The three of you--Mina, Kirishima, and you--were close. Buddies, but sometimes, if you were being honest, your eyes would stay on him for a bit too long.

Your heart hammered when he went out for his internship, scared he’d come back scared. Your eyes locking on his flexing muscles, and Mina’s sharp laughter pulling you back to reality. The way he was reckless and shield the class from attacks. Because he was a shield, and he could take it. The way he would catch you in his arms. Those black sleeves were so soft, making you squeak as you were now distracted from your own battle. His toothy grin sucking you in as he made a cute comment about getting there on time. His warm large hands on your body as he placed you down, encouraging you to finish the villain.

There was the night you found yourself knocking on his door. Tears brimming your eyes because you needed to be in someone's arms and Mina was asleep. He took you in without you even asking. Taking you to his bed as he wrapped you in his blanket. His voice apologizing about the state of his room. Apologizing because his blanket wasn’t that soft, and you deserved a softer one. He seemed to panic around his room, setting up a kettle for tea, all while you stared at his blushing face. His cheeks bright enough to match his hair as you stood up from the bed and wrap your arms around him. Your words are weak as you ask him to hold you because that was all you needed. You fell asleep in his arms, your head on his chest as he smiled at you. Lips pressing to your forehead.

It wasn’t until your second year did you do something about your feelings. Your eyes on Kirishima as he was joking around with Kaminari over Bakugou’s fuming head. You felt yourself walking over, no plan in mind. The girls staring at you as you went, muffled screams because they could tell what was coming.

You didn’t ask, only grabbing Kirishima’s wrist and pulling him so that he could look at you. His face went from grinning, to shock, to a blush erupting to cover his entire face as he realized it was you. His hand slamming against the back of his neck as he apologized for something. Not that it was actually needed. His lips were so pretty, and you were sick of him not being yours. Your hands fisted into the shirt of his collar and brought his lips to yours. Your first kiss with Kirishima a slamming force. You clenched your eyes as your lips pressed against his, and you felt him stiffen against you.

His quirk going off and you pull away, lips stinging because of his mishap.

The screams of the girls were loud, Kaminari’s seemed louder, and Bakugou was laughing loudly. Kirishima returns to normal his face turning redder than his hair as he apologizes. Kirishima admits he likes you so much, and you caught him completely off guard.

So with a breathy laugh, you pull him in close once again and seal your lips over his.

The kiss makes you dizzy as he holds you tightly. His finger gripping your waist as if you would crumble between his fingers.

So the two of you began dating. Four years of a very serious and committed relationship had your heart soaring. The two of you were each other first’s for many things. There was never heartbreak between the two of you. Fights were always avoided, the two of you always talking before things escalated. So it was no surprise on the night before your fifth anniversary, the two of you home in your sweats, did he propose.

You cried, screaming at him for proposing when you looked like this. Kirishima cried as he stayed on his knee, a sparkling ring in his fingers.

“That’s not an answer,” Kirishima says, as you cover your face. Sobs refusing to stop as you shake your head overwhelmed. “A-Are you not ready?”

“EI!” You bawl as you stumble to your feet, and throw yourself into his strong arms. “YOU’RE SO DUMB! Yes, I’ll marry you! Every day for the rest of my life if I could!”

The two of you spent the rest of that night in each other's arms. Tears intermingling on your cheeks as you expressed your love for one another.

Your wedding was unimaginable, intimate, and wondrous.

So here the two of you were. Six months into marriage on your day off he asked to try something new. Your guy’s sex life definitely was not vanilla. Both of you sported your favorite kinks and positions, and you incorporated them into bed. Today he asked something that you never thought you’d hear. So without judging you uttered those words.

“I’d like to try pegging, one day. I just--I don’t know--I feel like I need to try it out!” Kirishima says, scratching his cheek as you laugh.

“Well, I think we should definitely try it out! I hear it’ll be super enjoyable for you.” You agree as you stand up. “Do you want to order it online or go to a sex shop?”

Kirishima sighs as you take a seat on his lap, and his hands rest on your hips. It’s muscle memory at this point as you kiss his cheek. “If the store is open, let’s go?”

“It’s only three in the afternoon, Ei. It’s open.” You laugh as you kiss his flaming cheeks. Kirishima sighs as he stands up from the chair, his arms wrapping around your legs as he carries you.

“No need to be mean!” He pouts, and you laugh as you pepper kisses against his lips as he walks towards your home’s entrance. “I just hope we don’t run into fans again…”

“Hey!” You laugh as he slips on your shoes all while holding you still. “It’s their damn fault for thinking we don’t have kinky sex… or sex at all.”

“You didn’t let me smash for a whole year.” Kirishima laughs as he shifts you in his arms so that he’s holding you piggyback style. You laugh as he puts on his own shoes. Your limbs tightening around his body for support as he’s leaning down.

“It’s because you kept telling me to smash, and the first time it happened you pulled out Super Smash Bros.”

“You’re telling me you denied me for a whole year because of that?!”

“EIJIROU, YOU LITERALLY MADE ME PANIC SO HARD! The girls and I went out to buy me lingerie and everything!!”

“You’re telling me this now? Sorry, y/n, sounds fake.” Kirishima laughs as he stands up, and begins your journey out.

Eventually, you slide off his back, and he takes your hand into his own. The two of you talking as you walk down the streets of your city as you enter the sex shop. You went were you remembered where the strap on dildos and harnesses were. Kirishima, however, seems frozen as you pick out a sturdy harness. It was black and rather daunting as you handed it to Kirishima.

“You get to pick the dildo.” You say, looking at the collection they had.

“T...This is a lot more than what I was expecting.” Kirishima gulps as his hands rake through his flat hair. “Is there a one size fits all?”

You snort at you shake your head, “No, baby. Just like there are no two dicks alike, you have to choose. We can always start with the thinnest one?”

“Yeah. That sounds right.”

You grab a thinner dildo and choose the bright red one. “For my Red Daddy Riot?” You ask, a burst of bubbling laughter in your throat as Kirishima tosses his head back.

“That was one time!”

“It still happened, and you liked it!”

The two of you laughed together as you bought the two things. Even taking pictures with the person at the register because he was in love with you two. Besides that, the two of you left back home.

Steps quick to try it out. Breathing picking up as you reached the house.

Kirishima’s lips were over yours as soon as the front door closed behind him. His strong arm keeping you on his hips as his other one held the black bag.

“Wow, you’re impatient.” You moan against his lips, as you kick your shoes off.

“It’s the nerves.” Kirishima sighs as he walks towards the bedroom, your lips gliding against his.

Your fingers tug at his hair without care, his heavy pants making you grin. You knew his body as well as you knew his own, and hair-pulling always lit a fire under him. Your back pressed into the mattress, and your breathing increases as he shifts. His shirt pulling off his head. You pull away and watch as his scarred chest heaves.

You sit up, your lips pressing light kisses against every scar. Every bruise. Every impurity. Your lips were hot against his skin, and Kirishima’s wordless praises stirred you on. Your hands grabbed his shorts. Without him even realizing it, you’ve removed his shorts, and have him on the bed in two-fluid movements.

“Is the lube, fuck, is the lube in the box?” Kirishima asks as your lips suck the crook of his neck.

You nod your head as you remove your own shirt, and his hands squeeze your breasts. You hiss at the sensation, your hips involuntarily moving as well. Kirishima’s gasping breathes stir you on as you feel his arousal pressing into your ass. “Are you ready?” You ask, your nails running up and down his abs. You know he likes the teasing of the sensation, and he nods his head as you pull away.

Kirishima watches you from the bed as you strip off your shorts. You’re wearing a nice set already, a deep maroon bra and matching thong piece. It wasn’t lingerie. But the color of red against your skin made Kirishima moan as you pull out the lube from your box of other goods. His heart feels like it’s hammering in his throat as you open the harness.

Your eyes locked on his own, a smile on your face as you slip your legs through the ties. Fastening them all tight around your thighs as you spin around for Kirishima when it’s done. It’s tight enough that you feel comfortable, but not loose enough for it to fall off ever. Kirishima groans, his body falling onto the bed as you place the dildo into the harness. Why did you look ravishing like that?

Kirishima feels you climbing onto the bed, your hair tickling his cheeks as you lean down. “On your knees, Red Daddy Riot.” You whisper into his ear, your teeth nibbling his earlobe.

“You’re the worst.” Kirishima groans as he does as commanded, slipping his underwear off. Your teeth bite your lower lip as you stare at his ass. This was a new angle, and it was one you very much enjoyed. Hell, if you looked this hot, it was no wonder why Kirishima loved doggy style. You could see the sharp lines of his body, the muscles rippling in his nervousness. His ass looking firm and delicious as you shuffle closer. A sigh leaving your lips as you rejoice in him being the perfect height for you to peg him.

“I’m going to start with my fingers first.” You inform Kirishima who nods his head.

“Be gentle at first?”

“Like a flower.” You promise as you grab the lube, rubbing a very healthy amount on your index finger and middle finger. “Ready?”

His nod is weak but sure of his request.

So with as much precaution as you can, your index finger slides past his tight hole. You ease it in as Kirishima lets out a string of curses, his body trembling as he almost falls onto his forearms. Your tongue pokes out, unsure if it was okay to savor the way he was feeling or to be actually concerned.

“Does this feel good, baby?” You ask as your finger curls.

“Y-Yes, oh my god, princess…” Kirishima pants as he thrusts his hips out towards you.

Your finger makes it all the way in, and Kirishima cries out your name as you begin to move it back out. Your finger now slowly beginning to thrust into him. Your hips shifting in the excitement in the way he shakes. His chest falling to the mattress as you continue thrusting into him. Kirishima’s moans stirring you on as you add another finger.

H makes audible gawking noise. You chuckle as your free hands trail up and down his muscular thigh. Your hand moves up his inner thigh and then grasps his hard cock. Kirishima’s pleasure and pained moans filling the room as you stroke his length. “You’re taking my fingers so good, baby.” You groan against his rippling back muscles. “I hope this feels as good as you look.”

Kirishima spasms as your nails gently tease the walls of his hole. His nearly shrieking gasps turn you on further. Your hand that is moving down his length his fisting him as you go. A sadistic smile on your face as his cries continue. His body trembling. Your fingers moving in a wave-like function as he gasps prettily.

Your cunt is now throbbing at the sight of your husband like this. The dom in you bleeding out as you remove your fingers from his hole. Your other hand releases his twitching cock as you pull back. Kirishima’s pleading gasps making you laugh as you slap his ass.

“Don’t worry,” You say grabbing the lube and placing a large amount onto the dildo. “I’m not done with you quite yet.”

Kirishima whimpers softly, the noise music to your ears as your lips press against his ass.

“You’re doing so well.” You whisper as you press the head of the red dildo onto his hole, not yet inserting it. Your grin widening as Kirishima rocks his hips, wanting you to thrust in already. “I’m going to put it in now, and I don’t want to hear a single moan, groan, cry, or word.” You warn.

Kirishima’s husky voice lets out a whine, and you shiver at the feeling as you move your hips forward. The head of the dildo sinking into his awaiting hole.

“You didn’t make a sound, I’m impressed. Are you okay, my love?” One of your hands moving up to rub soothing circles on his back as you pressed deeper inside him. Kirishima replied with a weak head nod. Rutting his hips back into you as you entered completely inside him. You wait a moment as his heavy pants let you know he’s still adjusting. Your thighs twitch with your anticipation, and you want nothing more than to thrust into him. The pool of heat within you intensifies as Kirishima drops to his chest.

“I-I’m ready.” He asserts, and you smirk, your hand coming down heavily onto his ass.

“Are you ready to feel how good I am with my cock?” You tease, and Kirishima laughs, his head nodding.

“Show me how you like it.” Kirishima staggers as your hips roll into his ass.

A shriek of pleasure leaves his lips as you begin pushing your hips against his ass. Your pace a lot faster than it probably should have been. You began to buck your hips against him, admiring in the way Kirishima moans loudly. His hips moving to meet yours. You grinned as you landed another hard smack on his ass, expecting a raw noise in response. Your face lits up when your husband sinfully moans at the action, his jaw-dropping as he pants. Your fingers continue running across his soft skin as you watched it redden under your touch. Your handprint was evident in its shape.

“Please, baby, more!” Kirishima gasps as you shift your hips slightly. His back arching as he clutches the fabric between his fingers. You laugh, your head leaning to press a kiss against his spine.

“Kami, you look so damn pretty when you’re crying for me.” You moan, uncaring about your sloppy thrusts for the moment. The way Kirishima is so responsive to your actions is stirring you on. You’re positive that you’ll be coming as soon as he touches you later. You grip his hips, angling your body so that you’re thrusting into him at a better angle. Trying to desperately find that angle that will make his eyes roll to the back of his head. To find the angle that will make him scream and drool. The loud and raw ‘fuck’ that leaves his lips, lets you know you found his prostate. You continue in at that angle, the same power and depth as the rawness of his voice send chills down your spine.

Your body feels like it’s on fire as you feel so much power. Your husband’s continuous whimpering stirring you on. Your right-hand leaves his waist, moving to grasp his still rock hard cock in your grasp. “Oh, poor baby,” You coo. “Does your cock need to come?” You pant, the action of your thrusting hips making you sweat.

“Yes, fuck, baby yes!” Kirishima shouts, his face burying into the mattress as you massage his length up and down. Your hips are relentless against his ass as you continue fucking him. Your laughs nearly inaudible at the sight of him still fucking himself against you.

“What if I don’t want you to come yet.” You pout, your fingers leaving his length, your hips stilling.

“Please let me come, baby, please!” Kirishima pants his hips unapologetic as he continues pushing against the strap-on. You giggle, taking his cock back in your hand. Your arousal slicking against your thighs as you continue.

You’re intent on getting him to come within seconds, and it shows. Your hips are thrusting harder and faster than you’ve gone yet. Your hand fisting along his length, his leaking precum covering your hand. Kirishima’s spluttering shouts fueling your inner lust. His body convulses under your manipulation.

Sinfully loud mewls and moans leave his lips, and you feel his cock spasm. Your hips finding it difficult to go as fast as you had been going as his hole tightens around the dildo.

“Y/N, FUCK!”

Your hand covered instantly in his hot sticky seed. Your lips in a wide grin as your hand continues stroking his length. His fluids continuing to come out in his heavy load. Your thrusting stops, and with a sigh, you pull away. Falling down on your ass as Kirishima collapses. His eyes locked on you as you lick his come off your hands.

“You’re super hot like that.” You inform Kirishima as you shift towards his heaving body to press a kiss to his lips. “I didn’t think you would be so into it.”

You slide off the bed, taking off the harness and letting it fall to the ground as you groan. You remove your panties and show Kirishima just how fucking wet they were. “Just in case you weren’t sure how turned on I was.”

You take off your bra as you crawl back onto the bed, Kirishima turning onto his back as you straddle his torso.

“You still need to come, huh?” Kirishima states. A low hiss escaping his mouth at feeling your throbbing wet cunt against his hips.

“Yeah, I do.” You sigh your fingers teasing your breasts as your husband leans up. His lips pressing against the underside of your breasts. Your head drops back as you feel content. “Are you gonna help me out, or am I going to be forced to fuck you by myself?”

You shriek as you’re on your back, looking up at Kirishima who is trailing his heavy and hot hands down your figure. You moan at the feeling of his teeth biting against your neck. His sharp teeth sending waves of pleasure throughout your body.

“I’m going to fuck you so good, you’ll know how I felt that entire time,” Kirishima promises, his finger entering your aching core.

“Give it to me, Red Daddy Riot.”

“...I’ll leave.”

“No! You know that I’m only tea--OHMYGOD!”

Kirishima has his once again hard cock slamming into your throbbing pussy. His voice snarling at the sensation as his hands bring your legs over his shoulders. “Now shut up, and let daddy show you how to fuck properly.”

You can’t even tease him as he begins jackhammering into you. Your head slamming into the mattress as a shriek rips through your throat.

#kirishima eijirou #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima imagine #kirishima scenario #kirishima smut #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha kirishima #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines #mha kirishima #burnedbyshoto does kinktober #bnha kinktober #mha kinktober

2K notes · View notes

melforbes · 3 years ago

Note

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

3 notes · View notes

sup4l3e · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

1 note · View note

awesomeswimmingtimemachine · 4 years ago

Text

What Next? (l word gen q fanfic)

Decided to give fanfic a try since quarantine doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. Since I am most impatient for the l word season, Ive created my own continuation of events from the end of the first season. Enjoy :)

Chapter 1

“Im here”

The crowd turned their heads and a light appeared. Nat was making her way towards the stage. Alice had been telling her guest, Roxanne Gay, that she was a bad queer for trying so hard to be “outside the box”. Alice admitted that she ruined the best relationship she had ever been a part of by adding her partner's ex-wife, Gigi, into the mix. But now, Nat was coming right for her, their eyes had met from across the room. Alice called for the cameras to stop rolling, but Sophie saw the potential of this moment and urged them to carry on. Nat professed her love for Alice and only Alice. The two embraced each other in front of the studio audience and were left happier and more in love than they had ever been.

Meanwhile…

Bette Porter had suffered a devastating loss in her campaign for mayor of Los Angeles. She felt not only the heartbreak of loss, but the disappointment of knowing she would be unable to effect change in her city. However, this was not to be the first heartbreak Bette had suffered, in the days leading up to the decision she had learned that Tina planned to remarry. There was a part of Bette that always believed Tina would find her way home, the two had a tendency to find each other despite what trials of life got in their way. Bette was coming to terms with the fact there would be no way home for her this time. Even for a woman of Bette’s fortitude and resilience, the events of the previous weeks had taken their toll. When the time came, she found herself alone on her couch yearning for peace and quiet.

Angie, never one to see her mom sulk, told her mother grab her shoes because they were going to go for a hike. Bette voiced her reluctance, but eventually gave in to her daughter’s request. Angie took her mom to a spot that she often hiked to after her Aunt Kit passed. Bette, overwhelmed by the moment she was sharing with her daughter, shared her own experience of relief and restoration. She told Angie about a time years ago when she decided to attend a silent retreat. Angie laughed at the mere thought of her mother being silent for an extended period of time. Bette smiled, but then told her of the amazing catharsis that comes with screaming after holding everything in for so long. After a beat, Bette asked, “wanna give it a try?”. Angie smiled and said yes. “Okay, but you have to do it, you have to commit and let it all out”. The two women took deep breaths and then screamed at the top of their longs until there was no more breath left. When they were done, the two looked at each other and embraced, ready to make their way back down the mountain.

As they headed back down the trail, Angie caught sight of a pup that drew her attention. “What a cute dog!” she exclaimed as she knelt to say hello. The owner smiled and then quickly noticed Bette. “Maya?” Bette exclaimed as she noticed the owner. Maya smiled.

“I know I’m supposed to be impartial, but I was pulling for you”

“Thank you” Bette responded with an embarrassed smile. The two exchanged some more pleasantries and, sensing the end of their encounter, Maya asked her if she would like to go to dinner. Bette, assuming she was looking for an inside scoop on the election, quickly rebuffed Maya explaining that she was not ready to make any official comments. Maya smiled and explained that the dinner would be “off the record”. Bette realized she was flirting and was admittedly caught off guard. It's not often she is speechless. “You have my number” Maya said before walking off. Angie and Bette continued on their way, all the while Angie teased her mother about finding “The love of her life.”

Across town…

Shane was packing up a number of baby gifts she and Quiara had been given. Quiara had refused to get out of bed since the miscarriage the day before. Shane wasn't sure how to react or what to do. She felt for Quiara and the loss, but truthfully had a sense of relief. Shane had always been honest with Quiara, kids were not a part of her plan. But when Quiara showed up at her front door professing her love and telling Shane she didn't need her but wanted to be with her, what else could she do? Shane was so in love with Quiara and she was willing to put aside her desires to share a life with her.

Quiara, still reeling from the events, finally made her appearance. Shane could see how broken she looked, and wanted nothing more than to take care of her, but once Quiara saw what she was doing she began to let out her frustrations. Quiara accused Shane of being relieved and happy with the way things turned out. Shane was taken aback, overwhelmed and speechless. She knew nothing she could say would help, but she didn’t need to say anything. Quiara threw her ring at Shane and stormed off. Shane picked up the ring and sat on the floor, trying to understand what had just happened.

“No one is ever going to love you because you are incapable of loving anyone but your fucking self”

The words rang in her mind, repeating themselves, taking a piece of her every time. She couldn’t think about anything else as she sat on the floor clutching the ring. “I need a drink” she said to herself, grabbing her keys and making her way to the jeep. While driving to Dana’s she realized that the last thing she wanted was to be around people. She parked the car in the alley, grabbed a few bottles from her office but decided to drive around a bit to clear her head before heading home. While she was driving she came across a mutt rummaging through some trash on the street. She looked into its sad eyes and felt a connection. She heard the words Quiara had said once more, “incapable of loving anyone but yourself.'' There was a deep ache in her heart, was she broken? She looked out at the lost dog once more and in a moment of desperation led the mutt into her jeep. She looked at him, and he looked back at her with kind eyes. “What the hell am I doing?” she asked herself before driving back home.

Chapter 2

The next morning, Shane was stirred from sleep by the sounds of someone in her kitchen. She sat up in bed, feeling the blood rush to her ears and a headache pounding in behind her eyes. The empty bottles by the bed indicative of her activities the night before. Shane willed herself to get out of bed and make her way towards the kitchen. As she came out of her room she could see Alice.

“You have a dog Shane”

“Yeah Al, I know”

“Why do you have a dog” she asked, emphasizing the word dog, “and where is Quiara?!”

Shane knew she would have to tell Alice what happened eventually, but she pictured herself a little less hungover. Shane poured herself a cup of coffee, seemingly ignoring Alice who was impatiently waiting for answers. Shane, now facing Alice, leaned against the counter before taking a slow satisfying sip of her coffee. Another moment passed before she said it, “Quiara left me..”

Alice stood there, trying not to let how shocked she was show on her face, but not doing very well. Shane continued to sip her coffee while Alice collected herself. “She left you…. And you got a dog?” she said confused. Shane recounted the night's events, telling Alice only what she needed to know and nothing more. Alice listened attentively, but plopped herself down the couch. When Shane was done, “wow” was all Alice could manage. Silence hung in the air for a moment before Alice spoke again. “So what's his name?” she asked.

“His name?” Shane responded

“Yeah Shane, dogs have names”

Shane turned to look at the mutt who had chosen a small corner of the kitchen to sleep in last night and was still lying there. His big sad eyes looked up at her, but he did not move. “Dog, his name is Dog” she said in a dismissive manner.

“You can’t fucking name a dog Dog”

“Why not?” Shane asked hungover and a little annoyed by how much energy she had already spent this morning.

“Because Shane, ‘Dog’ is not a name”

Shane turned to face the dog who looked at her again, “okay what about.. Bud”

“Bud?! What are you five?” Alice asked with a slight mocking tone in her voice

“Well I don’t know Al, what am I supposed to name him”

“I don't know!” she responded with a higher tone in her voice, “what about Lou”

“Lou?” Shane asked in a flat tone. Suddenly there was a deep banging noise. She looked over to see the dog had begun to wag his tail. “Lou” she said again and he lifted his head to attention. “OH MY GOD. I’m the fucking dog whisperer” Alice exclaimed causing Shane to roll her eyes and say, “Lou it is.”

Over the next couple of days, Shane spent a lot of time at Dana’s trying her best to keep herself busy. She paid Finley to buy some dog food, a bed and even to walk Lou. Finley was happy for the extra cash and goodies she could swipe from the house.

Shane had gotten the dog to prove to herself that she could care about someone other than herself, but the truth is she wasn't sure she could. She spent her nights out on the terrace underneath the night sky, trying not to think about Quiara. As she continued to pour the drinks she would begin to think about all the times she had let someone down. Shane had always felt like a disappointment, and had a tendency to be self-destructive. She believed she had outgrown that, but maybe she was just good at hiding it.

And then there was a knock at her front door. Her heart stopped for a moment remembering the last time someone came to her front door at that time of night.

She made her way to the door, but found Lou standing guard. His stance ready and his eyes fixed on the front door. “Stay,” Shane said as she caught a glimpse of who was on the other side. She opened the door to a big smile from Bette. “Hey you,” she said to Shane, catching a glimpse of the dog. “ I hear you are keeping busy these days.” Shane smirked and invited Bette into the house. “Bette, meet Lou.” Bette smiled at the dog and looked back at Shane with concerned eyes.

“Im fine, I promise”

“I know,” Bette said, knowing better than to try and tell Shane what she is feeling.

Bette had brought groceries and proceeded to the kitchen. “I figured you could use a home cooked meal, and I could use a friend. What do you say?” she said, turning to look at Shane as she unpacked the bag. Shane smiled, simply responding with “You want a drink?” The two friends took the time to get into their usual rhythm, allowing the first round of drinks to settle before opening a bottle of wine to have with dinner. They ate their meal with a casual and playful atmosphere, but as the bottle was finished and another opened, the conversation found itself veering into its intended territory.

The two sat across from each other, plates nearly clean and the second bottle of wine half empty. “What happened?” Bette asked, knowing Shane would put up her usual bravado. Shane sighed. “I’m broken,” she responded so matter of factly that Bette was taken aback.

“You are not broken”

“Yeah I am, she was right Bette. I was relieved. I didn't want a kid but I wanted her. I was selfish and she left me because … I’m incapable of love.”

Bette let the words sit there for a moment. “Is that what she told you?” she finally asked. Shane didn’t respond. “Shane, you are not broken. Humans by definition are imperfect and we all have our own tendencies to self-destruct. Me included.” Bette said that last part with a little extra weight. Shane looked at her friend who was so good at putting on a brave face for the world but, ever so often, would let her guard down. She reached across the table and held Bette’s hand. Bette looked up across the table to Shane and managed a slight smile.

“I know you are capable of love because I see the way you love Angie, and she adores you. You are a great friend because you love us and we love you. Don’t let the words Quiara said to you in anger question the beautiful person you are.”

“It's different. Cheri, Carmen, Molly …. Quiara… I always hurt the people who love me, because I am not built to love them back, ” Shane said with defeat in her voice.

“I don't believe that” Bette replied without hesitation. “You loved all of them, but maybe you weren't built to love them the way they wanted to be loved, and that is okay.”

Shane let the words weigh on her for a moment. Silence hung in the air.

“So a dog huh,” Bette said teasingly

Shane sat back and looked at Lou who was laying in bed but watching them attentively.

“How are you holding up?” Shane asked, hoping to change the subject. Bette could see what she was doing, but she pursed her lips and didn’t fight it. “Well Tina is getting married,” she said with the slightest pain in her voice. “I know,” Shane replied, “She asked if she could use Dana’s for her engagement party.” Bette flinched and then sat there for a moment before reaching for the dishes and making her way to the sink. Shane was quiet, watching her, knowing that she would speak when she was ready. Bette hung her head, took a deep breath and turned to face Shane. “She deserves to be happy, even if it isn't with me.” Bette was being honest, but Shane knew this was still hurting her. “We are quite the pair,” Shane remarked as she picked up the remaining dishes from the table and walked them over to the sink. The two women cleaned the kitchen together in silence, working in harmony, each with something weighing on their mind. As she was drying the last plate, Bette broke the silence, “I went on a date a couple of nights ago.”

Shane poured the last bit of wine into her glass and smiled, “With the hot reporter I bet.”

Bette put the plate down in utter disbelief. “How on earth could you possibly know that?” she said almost laughing. She looked over to Shane who had a knowing smile. “Because, I’m me. And she was into you at that campaign event. How was the date?”

#the l word #the l word gen q #the l word generation #alice #shane #bette #fanfic #chapter 1 #chapter 2

2 notes · View notes

jaebaebie · 5 years ago

Text

Why Us? Why Now? Why Ever?

In a post apocalyptic world where walkers took over the living, Era realised that she was different from every one else. Wanting to uncover the reasons to her differences, she embarked on a journey to the West where she met a few Strays,, including a man named Hwang Hyun Jin who, just like her, was cold, hot headed, and full of distrust. She thought they would never get along, but what happens when the two cold hearts start to melt?

STRAY KIDS ZOMBIE AU // WUWNWE MASTERLIST

Chapter 2 ~ “Stalker much?

prev // next

“FUCK!”

I knew I was doomed the minute my eyes landed on the walker through the slightest gap between the wooden planks. The corpse, with all its anger and glory, was now squeezing its way through the broken plank, clawing its arms towards me.

I shook the metal chains around my wrist, trying to break out of it. Luckily for me, Han was nice enough to tie the chains tightly, but loose enough for me to squeeze my hands through it. Painfully and forcefully

The walker grabbed hold of my ankle, dragging me towards it. My elbow grazed along the rough cement floor and I kicked it right in the jaw, sparing me more time to pull my hand out of the chains.

I yelled in pain as I pulled my hand out, not caring about the possible sprain I was causing my wrist to have. Heck, I didn’t even care about possibly dislocating it. The walker was waist deep into the attic, and the wooden planks were no longer going to hold. It was either my wrist or my neck and I would rather live with a dislocated wrist rather than die from the savage walker.

I kicked it once more just as my right hand finally got free, and I immediately stretched to grab the crowbar from the table across me. On cue, the wooden plank snapped in half and the walker launched itself towards me, snapping onto my face.

With my legs I pushed it away before lunging the crow bar in between its eyes. My stomach churned as its decaying smell filled my nose. I would have hurled if I was not trying to fight for my life against it. With my left hand freed, I pulled the crowbar for another hit, only to realise that it had stuck in the corpse’s skull.

I kicked it once more, scanning around for anything that I could use. Just above the walker was a sharp plank that had gotten loose upon its entry, allowing a new idea to enter my brain.

I panted, letting out a shriek as the walker attacked once again, barely missing my face. I pushed it back with both hands, feeling my hands sink into its meat. With the last ounce of strength, I pushed it back, driving its head through the sharp plank. I watched as its body went limp, and the sound of its spitty hiss silenced.

The door to the storage attic burst open, revealing three shocked men.

“Holy shit.” Han gasped.

That indeed. I let out shaky breaths, panting uncontrollably as I finally managed to take a break from the event that had just unfolded.

“Im. Still. Not. Bit.”

I tried to catch my breath but it only felt like my breath just got slower. Louder..? My body began to feel heavier with every breath I took and my vision clouded, causing the three guys that appeared in front of me to disappear.

And then nothing.

————————————————————-

I woke up to find myself in a bed. In a small, tiled room lined with shelves of medical supplies. It smelled similar to that of the hospitals I used to visit with my parents before the apocalypse. Like alcohol. I sat up, immediately feeling the ache shoot through my entire body. My arm and wrist were nicely wrapped in bandages and a needle with embedded in the back of my palm, allowing me to be attached to one of those IV drips I had only seen in movies.

I immediately looked away, not liking how to needle looked in my skin and how it felt. I was always afraid of them. So much so that I refused to get injections when I was younger.

The door opened and two boys entered. The two of them brought something special with them. Like the mood in the solemn room immediately lightened the minute they stepped foot in it. I looked at them, noticing the bright cheeky smile on one of their faces, while the other boy had a much shyer smile.

“You’re awake!” Cheeky smile boy exclaimed, rushing to me, “I heard your name was Era from Han. My name is Jeongin. That ‘quiet’ boy over there is Seungmin.”

Slightly taken aback by his sudden friendliness, I flinched back, giving him a weird look which he immediately noticed and apologised for.

“In just one minute you managed to scare her already, Jeongin.” Seungmin shook his head, causing the other to pout, “We got you all stitched up and we cleaned the rest of your wounds. You’re lucky Hyunjin found you.”

I couldn’t help but let out a small scoff, is that what he’s been telling people? “Yeah, I sure am.” I replied, my sarcasm wasn’t left unnoticed.

“You’re IV drip is finished, so Jeongin can take you to eat. You must be starving.”

It was true. I was extremely hungry. Like Seungmin said, Jeongin walked me to the ‘cafeteria’ outside with his non stop cheerful talking. I had to admit, he was cute. As in baby brother cute as he was probably a year or two younger than me. As we walked the halls, Jeongin told me about how him and 8 others found the camp not long after the apocalypse hit. Ever since, they’ve been focusing on trying to establish a walker free zone and strengthening the barricades around the camp.

He stated that it was a great place to start with, especially since it was already equipped with separate rooms, bathrooms, infirmaries. The ‘cafeteria’ was placed outside, where the campfire was set to cook food. He pushed open the double doors of the school, allowing sunlight to hit my face.

“Welcome to Camp Miroh, Era.”

Jeongin passed me a tray, before leading me to walk to a woman managing the pot at the bonfire. She appeared to be in her mid 30s, giving me a warm smile as she scooped my ration into my tray.

As we walked towards one of the tables, I realised that the camp mostly consisted of guys my age, elders and children. Children played with one another, oblivious to the terrors in the world around them while elders watched over them as they stitched or washed clothing. The teenagers were having their lunch, watching every move of mine as I walked with Jeong In.

“Don’t mind them, we never find girls your age.” Jeongin explained, settling down on a table with a couple of boys, “Speaking of which, how old are you, Era?”

“19.”

“Oh cool, were the same age!” Another guy whom we sat on the same table with exclaimed. “I’m Felix, by the way.”

“You’re not very chatty, huh?” Jeongin asked, finally noticing my awkward short answers. It almost felt too overwhelming. I’ve been stuck alone for the past two months with nothing but walkers and deers which I’ve hunted, and now I’m surrounded with plenty of extroverted men who never ran out of conversation starters.

Felix nudged Jeongin at his side, shaking his head, “I think you’re just too chatty, Jeong In. Let her eat.”

Jeong In and Felix began talking more about the camp, which I didn’t mind. Turns out, Chan was the leader who ran the camp, while Han, Hyun Jin and a guy called Chang Bin were his ‘right’ hand men, the three would run the camp should Chan be absent. Though, Hyun Jin was mainly focussed in ensuring the safety of the camp through training men who were skilled in weapons.

Just as I scraped the last bit of my food off the plate, Han jogged towards us, the same smile I had seen on his face the day before,

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

I nodded, “Better.”.

“She’s not very chatty, Han.” Jeongin announced, earning a hit from Felix.

Han let out a low chuckle, glancing towards me with his head tilted, doubting Jeongin’s previous statement, “Really? I’m sure Hyunjin would think otherwise.”

I rolled my eyes, recalling the loud arguments that had occurred the day before.

“Are you done? Chan wants to see you.”

I nodded, standing up as Jeongin and Felix waved to me.

I followed as Han led the way. Han gave off a different aura from the rest of the group. He was quiet, but friendly. It was comforting. Warm. A feeling I hadn’t felt in a while.

“I’m guessing Jeongin told you about our camp?” Han asked, attempting to start a conversation,

“And more..” I replied, earning a chuckle from Han.

“Yeah, he’s like that. He’s the youngest out of the 9 of us but he brings sunshine wherever he goes.”

I nodded, agreeing with Han’s statement. It was true, Jeongin’s charm was just too hard to ignore because he simply was able to lighten any of the darkest souls. Including mine, possibly.

“I’m really sorry for leaving you out there, Era.” Han apologised, the smile on his face being replace with a guilty frown, “We left you with a dog bite and you came back having been almost bitten by a walker, a sprained wrist, a grazed elbow and almost dying from excessive blood loss.”

I gave him a look, finding his rambles funny, “Stalker much?”

Han shrugged, brushing me off with a smile, “Nah. I did have time to examine you on our way back though.”

Right. How did I get back?

“Hyun Jin carried you all the way back,, kinda his punishment for being strongly against helping you.”

I let out a small chuckle, earning a bigger smile from him.

We reached Chan’s so called ‘office’-- A room with a small table and guns, flashlights, crossbows placed at another table stationed at the corner of the room. A large map was taped up to one of the walls, scribbled with many red and blue circles. My eyes landed on Hyun Jin, who was leaning against the Chan’s table with his arms crossed. The cut I left him was still visible on his cheek.

“We’re glad you’re okay, Era. I think we didn’t get to introduce ourselves properly.”

Hyunjin scoffed, muttering a soft, “I wonder why.”

“I’m Chan.” Chan said, ignoring Hyunjin’s unnecessary comment.

“Han.”

Hyunjin frowned when the two guys turned to him, awaiting for his own introduction. Han nudged him at his side, causing him to flinch, sighing, he finally introduced himself

“Hyunjin.” He greeted, clearly unamused with my appearance.

“Can you please be more cooperative now that we’ve saved your life?” Chan asked, a hint of firmness in his attempted soft voice.

“By saving, you mean saving my life only after putting it at risk? Sure.” I replied, catching the three of them off guard by my direct response.

“Okay about that, we’re really sorry. We really just couldn’t risk bringing you back. Locking you and tying you up.. we were just scared.”

I nodded, taking in my surroundings one more time. They had a big camp established which served as a safe haven for many people of different ages. They had to take precautions. Be selfish. Finally, I was able to understand their mindset, “Its alright, I would’ve done the same.”

Chan smiled, “So, how’d you get this far?”

I sighed, tired at the same question being asked. Realising that I haven’t actually answered it, I finally gave in, “I don’t know.. I ran, hid. Just the normal shit.”

“You do know having her around is just gonna worsen our food situation right? She’s just another mouth to feed.” Hyun Jin commented.

“Does everything that comes out of your mouth always have to be shit?” I shot back, “Besides, you don’t have to be worry about that.”

Han straightened out, glancing from Chan and then turning back to me with his eyebrow raised as realisation dawned onto him,

“You’re not staying?” Han asked, eyes immediately widening with some kind of emotion I couldn’t decipher. Shock? Worry?

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t remember asking you guys to take me in.”

“But you really should. You’ll be safe here. We’ll protect you.” Chan explained, sending tingles down my spine as I recalled the last time I heard that sentence.

The last time someone had claimed they’d protect me, I was thrown to the walkers after they took everything I owned. My gun. Food. Water. Everything. I was a vulnerable 17 year old who found ‘safe haven’ at the wrong place.

“No thanks. I don’t do people.”

Hyunjin cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes on me, “Why? Some boyfriend waiting for you at another base?”

I rolled my eyes, “I already said, I’m not with people. The last time I was with a group I was fed to a group of walkers.”.

Chan nodded, appearing distant and deep in thought. He wasn’t listening to me.

“You’re good with the bow and arrow?” Chan asked, bringing up my bag onto his table. I sighed in relief, seeing that they didn’t leave it behind when they decided to lock me in a cabin.

“I guess. I’d be happy to just take that and go.”

“I’m guessing you can hunt.” Chan added, disregarding my eagerness to leave as he earned the attention of Han and Hyunjin,, as if a light bulb went off in their heads.

I raised my brows, observing the change in their attitudes.

“You can’t?” I realised, “What have you guys been surviving on, then?”

“Non perishables.” Han answered, slumping against Chan’s desk as he sighed, “The camp came along with canned foods which lasted us about a year or so. But then we’ve been running short in supply despite our daily ‘supermarket’ visits.”

“..We’ve tried hunting but none of us are any good with it. It would be really great if you could help us, Era.” Chan continued.

I crossed my arms, stepping back to think about it. I had no intention of staying. I had to be somewhere else. Staying would mean having to work as a team, and I hated the fact that I would have to be fending for others other than myself. But they looked at me hopeful, and I knew that these guys were doing their best to help the others. I pictured the elderly and children who saw this place as their safe haven. These guys were thinking beyond themselves and what they needed.

“I don’t know. Having just another mouth to feed might be too much for you guys.” I remarked, clearly targeting the man who immediately avoided my gaze, “How about we chain you up in an attic and see in the morning?”

The guys sighed, almost in sync.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know you’d be this useful.” Hyunjin ‘apologised’, earning a smack from Han as I scoffed. “Keep talking and I’ll show you what useless is, asshole.”

I let out a breath, letting sympathy take over. One thing was obvious. All of them, including Hyunjin whom I thought was incapable of caring for others, had the same look in their eyes. Desperation. They knew they wouldn’t last with just canned foods, and they needed to learn how to hunt fast if they were to keep the camp alive to protect the people who lived in it.

“Fine. I’ll teach you how to hunt. Just promise me you don’t throw me to a hoard of walkers.”

#skz #skz imagines #stray kids au #stray kids #stray kids fanfic #han jisung #hwang hyun jin #hyunjin #bang chan #seungmin #skz writing #skz au #skz scenarios #skz fanfic #jeong in

20 notes · View notes

sunriseskog · 6 years ago

Text

comethru- Auston Matthews

Request: n/a this was entirely self induglent bc im sad and ive had comethru by Jermey Zucker stuck in my head for weeks

Word Count: 2,267

Warnings: cursing, angst, dudes being assholes, mentions of tr*ding auston

A/N: ive been on hiatus for a long ass time so any feedback is more than welcome!!!! also i am fully aware that i used this gift for my last post but its hot and i dont care

It had been a little over a month since Auston left. No… that’s not quite right. It had been a little over a month since Auston left Toronto. It had been just barely under a month since you had left Auston.

You weren’t entirely sure who the trade surprised more, but you did know for a fact that it had had a far greater effect on you than it had on Auston.

He had remained optimistic in the beginning. After all, Buffalo is barely a 2-hour drive on a bad day. On a good day, he could probably make it in an hour and a half. But the two of you had quickly reached the conclusion that either of you driving 4+ hours a day wasn’t practical, and it wasn’t fair to whoever drew the short end of the stick, pun intended. You knew he would never ask you to move for him, hell even moving in together had been a stretch for you, but you also knew that there was an unspoken expectation that eventually the both of you would relocate closer to the arena.

Before he had even reached the border, you had managed to convince yourself that this short distance relationship would cripple your relationship before you could even begin filling out the US immigration forms to move with him, let alone actually convince yourself to do it. So you backed off. You knew that trying to exhaust what was left of the relationship would only end up destroying you the both of you more than was necessary, so you let go. You knew it wouldn’t take him long to pick up on the fact that you were becoming distant, taking longer to respond to texts, barely calling him back and conveniently timing your responses with the specific intention of him not being able to pick up. You may have been stupid, but you sure as hell weren’t subtle. You knew that as long you were the bad guy in the scenario, it wouldn’t take him nearly as long to get over you, and as long as you remained in control of the situation, you knew that you’d come out of the tail end of things perfectly fine.

And you were. You were absolutely, positively fine. But that was all you were. You weren’t good or great or doing well, you were just… fine. You were off-kilter, sure, but you were surviving, and that was honestly all you had come to ask of yourself. You were sure that the other shoe would drop soon enough, you had ridden the high and now you were at the plateau, but the comedown seemed to always be lurking around the corner.

One too many sleepless nights in a row had come to significantly impact your sleeping schedule. It had gotten to the point where your boss had come to expect your work day to end at 5 am instead of 5 pm. It was nice, though. To see the city when it felt like no one else could. To have your whole day to yourself, even though it was technically night. Everything was much quieter, and there were moments where it felt like you might be the only person in the entire city to be awake, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You rarely interacted with anyone, you didn’t even wake up until hours after the last of your coworkers had left the building, and every errand you had to run could be completed via the self-checkout of the 24 hr supermarket a few blocks away from your apartment building. You weren’t lonely by any means, you just so happened to be alone.

Except on game nights. You were never alone on game nights. Luckily, there weren’t very many Toronto residents that enjoyed watching one of their franchise players play in a different teams jersey, but you still couldn’t help but punish yourself by watching his games whenever they were on at the sports bar you frequented. You told yourself that as long as someone else put the game on, and as long as you left with someone new before the game was over, then it wasn’t nearly as pathetic as it seemed.

An issue arose the first time Toronto played the Sabres. You hadn’t checked the schedule, you just knew that there was a game. You also knew that if you were ever alone when a game was on you would curl up with far too much ice cream and a borderline dangerous amount of rum, neither of which were ideal. Immediately upon entering the bar, you knew that it was far too crowded for there to not be a Leafs game on, it was nowhere near baseball season, and the sea of blue jerseys couldn’t be for any other team. An involuntary wince consumed your face as Auston’s name reached your ears, it seemed like every congregation of fans in the entire establishment were talking about him, and a cursory glance at the nearest screen confirmed your fears.

The bad news was that if you stayed, you would have to watch Auston play, which was bound to be painful for any Leafs fan, but this one would hurt you just a little more than all the others— the knowledge that he was just across the city weighed heavily on your shoulders as you pushed through the crowd to find an empty stool somewhere. The worse news was that there was no way in hell a single guy in here would be willing to leave before the game was over, so you’d either have to watch all of it and then fuck the feelings away, or go home and watch all of it and probably end up crying for a majority of the third period. The former seemed like a more viable option at the time.

Now, though? You wished you had just gone home. Because it turns out you were wrong, there was a dude at the bar who was willing to leave before the end, as it would turn out, he was ready to leave before the second period was halfway through. That should have been your first red flag.

In your defense, you had a lot of other shit going on, and your brain was far too preoccupied coping with the stress that the game was bringing to consider the fact that the nice guy who had been paying for your drinks might not turn out to be that nice after all.

On the cab ride back to your apartment, you found out that his name was Sam and he was a lifelong Leafs fan. The two of you bonded over having grown up around hockey without actually playing it, and you even shared a cigarette at the entrance of your building’s lobby. It wasn’t until the two of you stepped into your living room that things took a turn for the worse.

The framed and signed Matthews jersey on the mantle had been more of a joke than anything else, all of your friends thought it was funny while the two of you were together, and you hadn’t had anyone over since the breakup, so you hadn’t found a reason to convince yourself to take it down. The look of disgust on Sam’s face as soon as he laid eyes on it would have been a fairly convincing reason if you actually gave a shit what he thought about you.

“That’s borderline sacrilege,” he commented, gesturing towards the display. You shot him an incredulous look, waiting for him to give any indication that he was making a joke.

“What?” You questioned, not really confused, just wanting to clarify if he was saying. What you thought he was saying.

“You can’t seriously call yourself a leafs fan and still support that guy! He’s a traitor,” He asserted. His over passionate gesturing indicated that he was genuinely this invested in the topic, which should have been your second red flag.

“I mean c’mon, (Y/N),” He continued. “You’re not stupid, are you?”

You couldn’t help but scoff at how pretentious and condescending he was being, without seeming to realize that he was acting like an absolute prick.

“I can assure you, Samuel,” You drawled sarcastically. “I am anything but stupid, but you have got to be absolutely moronic if you genuinely believe that I’m going to let you fuck me after speaking to me like I'm a goddamn child. Your kinks are your business but that's not really my style,” you sneered as you moved towards the doorway in order to invite him to throw himself out so you didn’t have to bother touching him any more than you already had.

“Now why don’t you get the fuck out of my house, dick head,” You spoke as your lip curled and your brow quirked, gesturing through the doorway to drive the point through his thick skull.

“Gladly,” He scoffed, slamming his shoulder into yours as he stepped past you. “Not like I’d want to fuck a whore like you anyways!” He shouted over his should as he started towards the stairs.

“Open your mouth that wide again and I’m gonna have to ask you to chortle my cock, Samuel” You responded, giving a middle finger to his back for your own satisfaction. You had never been one to censor your insults, and over the years they had become more and more lewd. This, of course, had never really presented itself as a problem until you caught the eye of your neighbor as you turned to storm back inside of your apartment. You couldn’t help but wince apologetically at the old woman, giving her a repentant head nod as you shuffled back inside.

You let your back hit the inside of the door, sliding roughly down until your tailbone hit the hardwood floor beneath your feet. Of course, the first substantial interaction you had in over a month would turn out to be a spectacular disaster. And of course, it was because of Auston. Realistically, you knew it wasn’t his fault, you just really really needed someone else to blame right now. You carded your fingers through your scalp roughly, and let out an elongated groan in the hopes that it would satisfy the overwhelming urge that you had had to scream at the top of your lungs for the past month or so.

As you stared at your own intertwined fingers in an attempt to calm yourself down, you couldn’t help but notice that your fingers were shaking. This wasn’t a recent development by any means, but this was the first time that you had noticed it being this aggressive. It usually only happened when you had coffee, which was why you had abstained from it for a majority of your life. As you looked back on what your routine had become, you realized that through all the late nights and later mornings, you had been popping caffeine pills and ordering espressos far more than the ‘one-time thing’ you told yourself it was. The realization that your life had done a complete 180 in the span of 5 weeks began to weigh on you, and it seemed like your mind was consumed entirely by flurries of memories of bad habits you had fallen back into and the lifeless moments you had spent floundering, convincing yourself that you were fine on your own, despite the fact that that was anything but the truth.

It didn’t take very long to find his contact picture in your recent messages. You hadn’t had much of a reason to talk to that many people lately. It took longer to open up the message thread, trying to prepare yourself to view the unbearably awkward finality of your most recent messages to each other. The preview underneath his name only served as a painful reminder that the last time he had texted you was to say that he loved you. And you hadn’t said it back.

You weren’t sure if he was going to respond, hell you went sure he was even going to read it. For all you knew it was entirely within the realm of possibility that he had blocked you a while ago. You knew exactly what to say, surprisingly, that wasn’t the hard part. Of the few letters that you typed, the closer you got to reaching out to him again seemed to calm you down more and more. By the time you tacked on the question mark at the end, your fingers had stopped trembling for there first time in what you could assume had been at least a couple of weeks. You let your phone drop to the floor as soon as you hit send, either he would be here within the hour or his response wouldn’t be worth reading. Those were the only options on the table. Either he was going to come and the two of you were going to get to be okay for a little while, or it truly was the end. If that was the case then you really didn’t want to see what he had to say. You heard your phone vibrate from where it laid just a couple feet away, and as much as the desire consumed you, you couldn’t bring yourself to move to see what it said. So you sat there, and waited to see if you would be able to hear those oh so familiar footsteps ascending your staircase again, responding to your oh so familiar request.

‘come thru?’

#i am literally begging you to tell me what you think #auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #Toronto Maple Leafs #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #imagines #imagine

137 notes · View notes

dungeonmalcontent · 5 years ago

Text

Thank You

The last two months have been amazing, and that's all thanks to you guys. I have never, in my entire life, had so much positivity in response to the things I have created. And don't get me wrong, I've been writing on this site and others for close to 8 years (maybe more), and I've gotten more feedback in general here over the lasttwo months than I could have ever dreamed of having with anything else.

I'm almost overwhelmed, which is sort of silly. I'm talking like I'm famous or something, but really I've just had one mildly viral post. But people have sent me messages and asks and reblogs and comments... things I've never had before, and I'm just so touched that people think that the things I've created are worth the amount of time people spend looking at them. I'm actually fairly confident at least one person has used my Florida Man monster block in a game, and that's crazy to me.

I have a natural inclination to paranoia, and my initial response to this can honestly be summed up with:

But not least of all: thank you. Thank you all so much. I know I have more followers now than ive ever had, and not all of you are waving flags in the bleachers like proud soccer moms... but there are a handful of you that I genuinely treasure for your consistent feedback and interest. I don't have a shortage of love in my life, but because of your kindness and feedback I finally feel like I'm not wasting my time every day when I sit down to write. I dont feel guilty for creating any more. So thank you all, thank you a million times.

I love you guys, even the ones that get snarky with me and tell me I don't know what im doing. Especially you guys. Your passion for content is contagious.

#thank you #sorry for the rambling #ive just felt very loved lately #and it's meant a lot #ive been having some hard and stressful weeks #and it has helped a lot to know that i havent been forgotten by the world

15 notes · View notes

angrylizardjacket · 6 years ago

Text

All That Glitters {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 1917 words! Hi, okay so this is really a bit of a weird one. It’s difficult to try and demonstrate such a visual medium through, you know, writing. So this is the teaser trailer for Giselle’s biopic that’s being made around the same time as BoRhap, or like, a little bit before. I think I’m gonna make the plot a separate post, so I guess enjoy this trailer lmao. Big Love to @ginghampearlsnsweettea, who I love and would die for, for being the co-captain of this runaway OC that’s gotten much more involved than I thought it would. I’d really really appreciate feedback on it.

[And All The Queen’s Men ‘verse masterpost]

All That Glitters (2018) | "Midas" Teaser Trailer [HD] | 20th Century FOX

[id: It’s a close up on Young Giselle’s hands playing the piano, playing the opening notes of what is recognisable as Trot, Canter, Pirouette (The Show Pony Song), she is wearing gold nail polish. The background is blurry but it shows a pale cream lounge room, an indistinct painting on the wall, and a beige sofa. Her father sits on the sofa, he wears a pale yellow sweater and beige slacks, and sits with one leg crossed over the other, he’s reading a thick, old book.

[GISELLE’S FATHER] Have I ever told you the story of King Midas?

Young Giselle’s hands still on the keys. The image fades through as the brass and drums section of the song come in and Trot, Canter, Pirouette (The Show Pony Song) plays over the following scenes;

We see a hazy room filled with golden light streaming in through a set of blinds on the right. Giselle sits in the middle of the shot, not facing the camera, on a brown leather sofa. Gold records lining the walls, and in front of her is a large, wooden desk with an ashtray on it, the person behind the desk is blocked from view mostly by Giselle, but it’s Ray Foster; he’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

Cut to; Giselle in a classroom, studiously taking notes. It’s mid afternoon, the light coming in hitting her face is a pale, cool yellow; mid-afternoon sunshine. She sits at a pale wooden desk, hunched over, wearing a soft orange sweater, but her pants are not visible. She’s surrounded by other students, all in greys and beiges, all taking notes; she stands out, vibrant amongst them. She looks up sharply, as if to take more notes and we cut to;

She’s sitting alone in a dressing room, looking into a mirror lined with golden bulbs; her hair is slicked back, she’s wearing a white silk slip dress; she’s wearing eyeliner and red lipstick, and is looking at herself a little disbelievingly. She turns to look over her shoulder, as if hearing her name; the camera pans to follow the movement and;

The camera keeps panning, keeping the movement kinetic as we see her on stage, looking back at her band with a nervous smile. She’s wearing a black velvet bouffant number, and the band are all dressed in black waistcoats ensembles with red pocket squares matching her lipstick. The camera pans around until it’s behind Giselle and she’s silhouetted by a warm white light against the darkness. After a beat, the lights come up on the audience to reveal a full house cheering for her.

Cut to; the lights are down on the audience but it’s a close shot of John Deacon watching her from the audience with an expression of awe, stage lights shining in his eyes; he’s on the very right of screen in the foreground. He’s near the middle on the bottom level of the theatre, the people in front of him as all standing, dancing together, some are jumping trying to get her attention. Giselle in the background, out of focus, is swaying to the music, eyes closed as she sings.

We see a wide shot, John and Giselle facing away from the camera, with Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, and Brian May in that order facing them. They’re in a rehearsal room, space half setup with a drum kit at the left of screen, a guitar case on the floor to the right of Brian, and a bass leaning up against the wall. The walls are dark wood varnish and all four members of queen are wearing pale or white clothes. Giselle wears a yellow sundress, her shoulders are tense.

Close shot of Giselle and Freddie shaking hands, both in profile, Freddie grinning and Giselle wearing a small smile.

Cut to; Giselle in Ray Foster’s office, the light is still golden, coming in through the blinds, but Giselle looks relaxed, her hair slicked back and wearing a black blouse and pencil skirt, one leg crossed over the other, arms out across the back of the brown leather sofa. She wears a smug smile.

[RAY FOSTER VOICE OVER] I’ve never had a single go gold like this before.

[GISELLE] It’s a blessing and a curse.

The music starts to really pick up as we get into the chorus, overladen with shouts of various and indistinct reporters as we fly through various headlines (‘A GENERATION’S INFATUATION WITH MEDIOCRITY’, ‘STEALING FROM ROYALTY’ accompanied by a picture of Giselle and Freddie having lunch together, ‘“JAZZ ROCK” PERFORMERS, POINTLESS AND PANDERING?”) and interviews with various people (‘The Secret Life of Giselle’ a very smug looking former assistant smiles at the camera, sitting primly as she’s interviewed. / ‘She Should Be So Lucky’ an angry reporter in a suit rants at the screen, flicking back and forth between the video of Giselle’s ‘the should be so lucky’ comment. / ‘Songbird of a Dying Genre’ interviews with critics (all of them old white guys) who just wave her off and roll their eyes.)

We zoom out of this final clip to see a wide shot of Giselle sitting at a desk at the very right of the screen, lit by the warm white light of a lamp while the rest of the room is lit by the cool blue light of the night sky streaming in through a large set of glass doors that separates her from the television that’s running the slander piece on her.

Close up over her shoulder reveals her to be writing the lyrics for Dinner and a Show and the music seamlessly transitions into a fast-paced version of Dinner and a Show as she rips the page from her notebook. The page moves to cover the screen for a moment and when it comes away we’ve transitioned to;

Giselle in her first performance at Top of the Pops, singing to a cheering crowd. She’s wearing a black, floor length slip gown with glass beaded detailing, and black gloves with red glitter and sequins on the hands, reminiscent of blood. Giselle belts along with the music as the song ends and there’s an extreme close up on her lips, painted red, with red glitter trailing from the corners. She takes in a shaking breath. The cheering grows louder, drowning out the final notes until it becomes overwhelming, and we can see that Giselle is still breathing hard, shaking a little. The sound and the picture fade out.

[GISELLE] (She sounds tired, a little forlorn) Everything I touch turns to gold.

It shows a close shot of Roger Taylor smiling mischievously at something on his left, he’s holding a cymbal in one hand and offers the other.

[ROGER] Is that a promise?

Cut to a shot of Giselle, standing up and looking over him, smirking and raising her eyebrows at him.

[GISELLE] (far happier, a little amused) I think it’s a threat.

Wide shot; she takes his hand. Trot, Canter, Pirouette (The Show Pony Song) picks up as soon as their hands touch. The song slowly gets faster over the following images.

Smash cut to the two of them on stage holding their joined hands above their head as they take a bow, in slow motion, facing an arena crowd in the middle of the day. Brian, Freddie, and John stand either side of them, but they’re the only two holding hands. Queen, again, is very casual attire, pale jeans and t-shirts and singlets, and Giselle wears a blood orange cocktail dress, off the shoulder, fitted until it flares out around her hips, falling just above her knees.

Cut to Giselle leaping into Roger’s arms wearing a white, flowing dress, and him in a fitted black tuxedo, he spins her around, kissing her passionately, and the camera spins the opposite way around them. They’re outside, under fresh green trees and dappled sunlight.

Cut to; Giselle and Roger are sitting on either ends of a sofa, their backs to the audience, watching the Rolling Stone Reporter pace back and forth, talking animatedly; the setting is a lot like Ray Foster’s office, however the decor is all modern, slick and white, and the fluorescent light bathes them all in a cold white light. Giselle and Roger share an amused look.

There’s a top-down shot of the two of them lying side by side in bed, but not touching. The bed is large with cream coloured sheets that are slightly tousled and plain white pillows, there’s a lamp on either side, illuminating them both in a peachy-gold light. Giselle wears a pair of pale blue pyjama shorts and a matching singlet top. Roger’s wearing a pair of tight black jeans and an open fringe vest. Neither looks happy; Giselle is contemplative and Roger is frowning. Giselle turns to look at him and the light around the room starts shifting until it’s made clear that these are two different shots side by side, spliced together. Roger reaches up and turns off his light, the whole room bathed in blue light, and he sits with his head in his hands at the edge of the bed. Giselle is still looking at the point where he was, squinting as a few golden-orange rays of a sunset hit her face. Roger looks up, as if he hears something, and walks out of shot.

Cut to a camera whip-panning to a moment during Freddie’s birthday party. Freddie stands in the middle of the frame, back to the camera, wearing his military jacket and ostentatious crown. The world around them is bright and joyful, with gold lights overhead, and the crowd in brown, yellow, and orange attire, but Giselle is wearing a midnight blue cocktail dress and a silver shawl, and Roger’s wearing a white blazer with blue shirt underneath. Freddie is standing between both of them in the foreground, separating them visually, and both look shocked, but Giselle doesn’t even look at Roger before she stalks off camera. He chases after her, both of them heading to the left and we crash cut to;

The music cuts out and we hear and see a door slam in Roger’s face. He’s still in the same outfit as the previous shot, but he’s put in sharp relief by the cold white light of a streetlamp, the rest of the world a dark grey-blue behind him. We fade to black.

A golden spotlight fades in with the first notes of Ache being played on piano, and the very faint roar of a crowd. All that can be seen is Giselle, illuminated by the singular spotlight, wearing a cool-toned copper, crushed velvet slip dress, tears in her eyes, everything behind her is a void of darkness. She’s holding a microphone, taking deep, shaking breaths.

[YOUNG GISELLE VOICE OVER] It sounds like he got everything he ever wanted.

Giselle takes a deep, shaking breath, closing her eyes, the sound of the crowd roaring and of Ache’s beginning dies down and a singular tear escapes her eyes.

[GISELLE’S FATHER VOICE OVER] Yes, but at a terrible price.

She opens her mouth to sing but we cut to black.

The title card; “ALL THAT GLITTERS” lights up in a block font, with lights in the letters, reminiscent of a Broadway sign. We hear Giselle sing ‘I feel the ache, feel the ache, feel the ache.’ but it’s just her vocals, ghostly, echoing, and a little ethereal. End id.]

#roger taylor #roger taylor x oc #roger taylor imagine #bohemian rhapsody #bo rhap #borhap #borhap imagine #and all the queen's men #giselle x roger #the angry lizard writes #queen

115 notes · View notes

doctormage · 6 years ago

Text

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

5 notes · View notes

simkjrs · 8 years ago

Text

chapter 6 asks that are people yelling at me because of the ending

Anonymous said: AHAHAHAAAAAAAHAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAA STABBED IN THE BACK INDEED

[KNIFE EMOJI x 3] I WARNED YOU

Anonymous said: why.

i have the power to do anything i want with these two hands of mine. and i never should have been entrusted with it

Anonymous said: simk i fucking hate you don't do this to me

it’s too fucking late

@adroitaccelerando said: I just read the entire chapter and i have two thoughts: 1] that was the best emotional catharsis ive ever seen in any piece of literature. Ever. Everything, from izuku's thoughts, to all the character reactions, to your recovery description, was poignant and raw and gorgeous. This ch has convinced me that you are one of the best, if not the best, character-focused writer in fanfiction. This next part is exclusively for the ending line 2] Fuck You.

no matter how many times i read this ask it is still one of the most hysterically funny asks i’ve ever received, and by far one of the best asks i’ve gotten today. first of all, i sincerely want to say, thank you, this means a lot to me. and number two, you’re welcome

Anonymous said: Read the new update: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I loved it, but I hate it WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!

your hate gives me power and soon i will have enough to transcend my mortal form and no longer be mortal at all

@tsukana said: *reads the chapter*: //screams into the void// FIVE HOURS LATER //STILL SCREAMING INTO THE FUCKING VOID// SIMK. THAT C H A P T E R. IM GONNA FITE U THAT ENDING!!!

meet me in the pit, where i am still kicking my own ass

@bloody-no-kissu said: You evil demon owo

the greatest compliment i’ve received in ages. thank you

Anonymous said: I. CAN. NOT. BELIEVE.

Anonymous said: i can't believe you've done this...... i love you but i'm dying

well buddy you better start believin

Anonymous said: I'm gonna shit on your grave b/c of the ending (not really but out for impatient blood)

this is a good ask. i’m going to print it and frame it on my wall

Anonymous said: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

me too buddy. me too

Anonymous said: i am currently dissociating from reality and it is All Your Fault. this chapter was amazing and good and it was fluff and angst and you fucking killed me with the ending please tell me you will update sooner than last time. also, WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO-

im sorry about the dissociation. and i will definitely try and update sooner than last time. since this next part is going to be super action focused, we may even have chapters that are less than 10k, like the blissful halcyon days of chapters 1-3.

also: it was me. i gave myself the right to. my parents brought me into the world and made me responsible for myself and this is just who i am now

Anonymous said: simk! its was exactly like getting a rusty knife in the back. i didn't see the ending coming. epic cliffhanger! at least you didn't let izuku have a full blown crush on shinsou before shit went down. small mercies! actually, izuku could be repressing hard as usual

this reminds me of the time i published chapter 4 and i got comments from people saying “thank you for being kind enough not to end on a cliffhanger” and all i could do was sit there and laugh because they have no idea what’s coming (chapter 6)

not that i’m saying this is what’s happening again but this ask... brings back good memories. nostalgia. thank you, and i hope you are enjoying the rusty knife

@perpetualwhirlpoolofconfusion said: I'M GONNA FIGHT YOU OH MY GOD. WHY. OW. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT. *WHAT*. SHIT, MAN. SHIT. THAT WAS SO GOOD AND ALSO WHY OW NO???????

this is a very good compliment. thank you. :^) and as always, standing invitation to meet me in the pit and kick my ass

in all seriousness thank you guys for the feedback!! it’s been... overwhelming. it really encourages me to keep going with this story despite my own doubts and struggles. thank you

#chapter 6 #ask #ask compilation #anonymous #super mega ultra fave #adroitaccelerando #tsukana #bloody-no-kissu #perpetualwhirlpoolofconfusion #spoilers for the fic ///#hidden under the readmore though so it's all good

38 notes · View notes

stardatextoday · 8 years ago

Photo

So I've stayed quiet long enough and I think I'm finally ready to talk about my feelings and my reaction to the story that's been circulating about the ridiculous reaction to the radio cutest couple contest. I was not expecting this to go viral, much less turn out in my favor so much. I never realized that after being a safe space for so long, that i in turn get to feel safe as well. my wife's job prevents her from being on the phone during the day and lately she's been very overwhelmed checking in at the end of the night so I think that I'll be the one to talk about this. Plus we all know that I am the extrovert of the two and I'll talk about anything. When I dropped the collage of our photos in the comment section of the radio contest, I knew that there would be some sort of lackluster reaction to it. But society has progressed AND it was our anniversary so i was full of happiness. Once i entered, I forgot about my the contest for quite a bit of time I didn't even realize people have voted for me until i got tagged in something My wife and I have been together for eight years. eight years. that's close to a decade. We are so full of love and positivity that we have made it our mission to take that overflowing love and share it with other people. We are inclusive, we listen, we sympathize, and we are a safe haven for everyone who has ever met us. I thought that by entering a normally very heteronormative traditional contest, that at least one same-sex couple could see it and remember that they are just as valid as other couples. Being married to a woman doesnt make me more or less bisexual, so my orientation shouldnt matter. I didn't expect to win, honestly, i didn't expect even make it into the contest. I'm used to seeing discrimination like that in everyday life and I would've understood if the radio station had chosen the way the traditional way to avoid conflict- even if it would have been exclusionary. However it's 2017 and times are changing. I don't expect the runner up with the poor attitude. (I blocked him almost immediately so i dont remember his name) to understand what its like to go outside and fear for your life when your partner grabs your hand. Did you stand at the courthouse trembling when the registrar asked why my wife was changing her name? No, you didn't. You werent there when i bawled in 2012 because doing my 2011 taxes meant filing as single even though I had gotten a civil union on 11/11/11. Nevermind my legal marriage in 2012 or anything. No, you weren't there. Youll never have to be there. You wont ever have to explain your decisions to people. You dont have to face discrimination for your relationship. My marriage is so strong and so loving, and yet people still wish me dead for it. Ive been called a dyke since i was 11. Ive had it written on my desk, ive had it written in my own blood on the schools bathroom mirror after being assaulted in middle school. Ive been sexually assault because of it, and ive been denied opportunities because of my sexual orientation. I dont owe anyone these explanations but i just want people to understand that after years of being called things like a "fat dyke" those words mean nothing to me. In fact I embraced them. Not everyone is privileged enough to do that. I love being chubby. I really do. I spent years and years hating myself and honestly i have never felt more beautiful and honest with myself as i do now. Yeah, i spend my free time squatting and meal prepping, but you'd never know that because im just a "250# dyke" to you. (Bless you for thinking im only 250 lol) Im a fighter; anyone whos spent more than 15 seconds with me knows that I enjoy every single last drop of diversity, yes even your bigoted opinions. Why? Because your opinions based out of hatred just reinforce mine out of love (and a little spite honestly). Your hashtags are appalling. I was put on this planet to do far more than procreate, and honestly insinuating that people who arent fertile or cannot have children, are not people is dehumanizing and objectifying. You keep giving half-assed apologies about how your beliefs are solid, and honestly i dont give a singular shit. I think you're a petulant child who lost a local radio contest because your support is far less than mine. But, thats just my opinion. My opinions are not preventing you from anything, honestly. I still think you deserve basic human rights, even though you think far less for me My wife has come home every night, too anxious about safety and notoriety to do much of anything. I never wanted this to go viral, but honestly your terrible responses from YOU and YOUR BUSINESS are the reasons this spread like wildfire. I havent said anything other than the occasional "No, please don't mention my name in your article." You are upset that your name/address/and phone number were revealed but it was one google search away. If you didnt want to be public, try not being a public official. I have gotten so overwhelmed by the love and support given to my family. People i havent spoken to in years and people that i dont even know have reached out. Ive cried in public when people told me i gave them hope. I am no saint. I am just a fat bisexual girl who likes cats and black lipstick. Im supportive and kind, even my enemies will tell you so. I wish youd stopped to get to know me before trying to assimilate a biography from a collage in the comments of a local radio stations contest I hope you had a great Valentine's Day. I spent mine eating ice cream and singing songs while driving with my wife. Hopefully someday you understand that opinions are kind of like umbrellas- everyone should have them but theyre not always necessary. Feel free to share this and tag anyone whos been involved, i would like for this to be the last of this drama tbh. http://wqad.com/2017/02/15/henry-county-board-member-attacks-lesbian-couple-sparks-facebook-fire-storm/

#lgbt #bisexual #homophobia #gay #biphobia

12 notes · View notes