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thepocketeater · 27 days ago

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IT’S TIME FOR *air horn* RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THE NEW HELLUVA EPISODE

Spoilers for Mastermind (S2, E11) under the cut

I’ll put it in list form (please don’t judge how un-orderly I am):

-Vassago is my spirit animal

-Not how I was imagining Leviathan, but I love them anyways ❤️

-I love this little guy

-Octavia’s 100% gonna get brainwashed by her mom

- …this

-Andrealphus in that last scene

youtube

Thanks you for coming to my TED Talk

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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eydilily · 23 days ago

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cleaned up some slabtek today

#hermitshipping #slabtek #the influx of slabtek i woke up to directly influenced this #i have too many of them piling up in my sketch pile #dont look at the anatomy too closely . I IWLL LEARN IT PROPERLY ONE DAY just not today i wanted to draw men hugging #i mean you could take it platonically too idrc #my art

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scyllas-revenge · 9 months ago

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I made a magnolia tea latte so good I'm having a religious experience at my desk

this is a PSA to go steal some magnolia flowers from your neighbor's yard TODAY

#come visit me and i will make you magnolia drinks #(that is a threat and a promise)#i'm putting magnolia in everything #cookies? check. oatmeal? check. coffee? check. cocktails? check.#gonna learn to make ice cream just so i can put magnolia in it #it goes extra well with the mulberries i froze from last year #EXTREME hobbit vibes in my apartment today

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kedreeva · 1 year ago

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These little fuckers are round gobies. They are a freshwater goby that's invasive in Michigan, and they're in the nearby lake. They're distinct from the four native species due to their fused pelvic fins (middle pic) and a big black dot at the rear of their front dorsal fin. Though some other gobies have spots on their fins, NO Michigan-native species has a fused pelvic fin. These guys are very aggressive feeders and are very good at outcompeting native gobies.

They're also extremely good at stealing bait off big hooks as people on the docks reel in their lines. In particular, the bastard in the bottom photo stole my bait two days ago, so I caught him and filleted him for Bug.

Today, after acquiring smaller hooks, I went back and got 16 more, and educated several other fishers about their invasive nature. I got two turned over to me by others, and caught 14 more myself.

One man wandered over and asked why I was catching them on purpose. It was too much trouble to explain my feelings about invasive species, so I just told him, one of them stole my bait two days ago. He stopped watching my bobber and boggled at me and goes:

"You're doing this for revenge?"

So now there's some guy in town that thinks I am exacting revenge upon fish kind for a single stolen worm.

#personal #stories about ked's life #fish #animal death for ts #Anyway #I'm going to learn how to make fish meal to make peafowl treats #I just killed the ones today and put them out for the crows #Bug stole the smallest one and ran off with it #I don't know if she managed to eat it or not #but I couldn't find it where she was standing “killing” it #so I assume so

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caluette · 6 months ago

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bastard münchen game night ⚔️

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clownowo · 7 months ago

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happy pride

Diversity win! This serial killer is an ally!

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abellarts · 4 months ago

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[doodle] I miss them I should relisten

#yeah mart got a haircut #this is like s2 when martin's fave hobby was watching over jon #i only realized it after drawing mart but jons pose is the EXACT same pose as my first jon drawing #i just love drawing jon holding a cup ig #still trying to put what i learned from the leyendecker study to use especially with the colors #but im lazy today is just a doodle :P #tma #jon sims #martin blackwood #jmart

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yubriamakesart · 8 months ago

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Shortly after uploading this I saw a post where someone mentioned how Mr. Qi is canonically a creepypasta character now. And like. Surely. If you've read my webcomic. You know I can't resist that.

#sdv fanart #mr qi #mr qi sdv #stardew valley #flash warning #i guess? just to be safe #i am SO rusty at animating in csp this took ages to do #maybe its just that i never really learned animating programs but it feels very unintuitive #that being said this was a lot of fun #i have such a soft spot for video game creepypastas #love them when they're good and love them when they're bad #fanart #maybe now i can actually play stardew today

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srapsodia · 4 months ago

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hey, may you'd like to try 59 with kageyama and yachi, since it's her birthday (september 4th) and their friendship is so so WAAAAAH?

59: one giving a piggy back ride to the other