#i just keep getting so long winded
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i'll genuinely never stop thinking about codependency in rhack and how it's mostly coming from jack's side. both jack and rhys treat their relationship like rhys is the one who needs jack to not just survive but also thrive, but it's really the opposite and i think that REALLY adds to how much jack twists the narrative to make it seem like rhys can't do anything without him just to keep giving rhys a reason to keep him around and trust him
#plus the irony of it all#being someones obsession and then becoming so dependent on that someone to the point of YOU becoming obsessed with THEM#i just love it#yeah im rambling about rhack again#every once in a while i get reminded of what makes them so damn interesting and i turn into a sucker#their dynamic is just soooo good and theres so much stuff to look into and dissect#and like there are moments in the game where jack does mention that he needs rhys alive to survive himself outloud#but its always when rhys is actively in danger#other than that its 'ill have your back' and 'ill get you whatever you want'#but honestly rhys does a pretty good job of keeping himself alive#and he does have fiona and co with him too who (as much as jack doesnt wanna believe it) have rhys' back too#i just think jack trying to isolate rhys from them to reel him in is so interesting and fucked up and i love it sm#and of course i cant make a rhack ramble post without mentioning the murder-suicide thing HAKGHD someone has to keep talking abt that#bc thats really the moment that cemented to me how personal jacks feelings towards rhys were#where jack reaches the point of rather wanting to die than let rhys walk away from him alive#I JUST GJKHKDJG not even in a romantic way. jack just needs rhys painfully much#it just gets 10 times spicier when you slap some romance in there too#rhack#txt#this is just a long winded way of saying jack is really clingy in a very ugly and fucked up way#and i love that abt him <3 genuinely it might be my favorite part of his character
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I’m the anon who sent you that ask about Sonic and Shadow’s relationship in the Chronic Sonic au. If your post saying you ignore long asks was directed at me, can you please just… post the latest version without answering? I would prefer to save it to my likes and maybe have other fans read my thoughts.
thank you
Well no, it wasn’t just directed at you, there are a couple long asks in my inbox (some of which are positive and very beloved and i cherish, Dopambles I’m looking at you <3). But you’ve sent your ask twice now and this one too so I’ll answer this one. I don’t really want to make this a big long thing, but I also don’t really wanna leave ya hanging when this seems so important to you so lets do this (everyone else can ignore this if ya want I’m going long-winded through everything.)
So, reasons i don’t like to respond to or even post long asks sometimes lets do this [cracks knuckles]
1. I don’t like posting things onto my blog that I haven’t checked over first. I struggle a lot in reading and comprehending long asks. I don’t know why, it’s weird, okay. Let’s leave it at that. I’m not gonna blindly post walls of texts to my blog without checking them over first, because I want to make sure I’m filtering asks so nothing harmful gets posted to my blog. You’d be surprised at how whack a lot of anons can get. Not to say your ask was whack, but I also am struggling to read it so it’s hard to say for sure! It’s not due to the nature of your ask, it is simply because my brain be like dat.
2. Sometimes, I just don’t like having to scroll through walls of texts that aren’t my own to get to my latest posts. I get a lot of asks as it is. I do love answering them, but when they get long, the amount of time it takes to scroll through em makes it hard to refer back to my previous posts and is just is not intuitive or fun when interacting with my own blog, which leads me to my next point
3. This is my space. My blog is by me for me. I choose to post and share to interact and have fun with other people but at the end of the day this blog is my space. I did not create it for anyone other than me. I welcome the people who find joy in my stories here, but this remains my space. If i was being paid for this it’d be different, I’d absolutely curate and change things to make it a better and easier experience for those that i charged to be here, but like… I’m not being paid for this? And to ask me to do what you want in my space so that you can have the experience you want is… i dunno it sounds a little entitled. (I’m not saying that you ARE entitled, only that it sounds like it to me personally.) Contacting me even after I expressed my difficulty in answering asks to try and convince me to post it for your sake is a little rude. I’m not a professional creator, I’m not a person with fans, I’m just a random dude trying to have a good time with other people on a dumpster-fire website. I’m not a creator trying to make sure everyone else is having a good time. This is what i do in my free time to relax and—
4. —being a moderator for other peoples hc’s and conversations is not personally relaxing to me. My blog is not a public confessions blog and I am not a public message board. I am honoured when people share their personal stories and how what I doodle has helped them feel seen and that things will be okay, but I’m not a place for other people to come say what they want to each other, I’m a person, not a message board. How other people use Tumblr is up to them, however, I am not going to change how I use tumblr so that you can have a better experience when it will make the experience worse for me.
5. If i answer asks, I don’t draw. And I like drawing. If I’m posting asks (even without answering them) and stressing about being the middle man in conversations that I will have to regulate to make sure conversations stay kind, that takes a lot of time and energy and I got so incredibly burnt out when i tried to do that. So i stopped. And I will not be starting up again simply so you can have a good time, because I will have a bad one. And this is my space to not have a bad time. If something stresses me out, I will not do it here, it is as simple as that. I have my whole irl to be stressed about.
These are some of the reasons I don’t like to post long asks. I have notified you that I struggle to read, I don’t understand why you continue pushing. I have amazing anon’s who send wonderful long asks who have been kind and considerate with me about my struggles reading and processing. They continue to send their wonderful asks and have assured me it’s okay if I never post them. I am confused as to why you cannot seem to respect my decision as well.
The final reason regarding my hesitance in posting your ask in particular is simply that your hc was not accurate to how I was aiming to portray the characters in the current timeline. You are more than welcome to hc and speculate, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I cannot simply post it without answering it like you suggest because I would need to clarify that it’s not true. When I used to do that, people would start to misinterpret my au’s and it stressed me out. It takes hours for me to write up responses to things sometimes because I want to make sure I’m being kind and thoughtful and accurate. I am honoured that you shared something personal but what you wrote is simply not where the characters are at right now. It could be them in the future, but it is still early in the au so that kind of resentment hasn’t set in yet. Shadow is hurting because he’s taking the brunt of Sonic’s negativity but he is resigned to it because for him nothing else matters as long as Sonic stays alive, even if he has to be the person Sonic hates in all this and that is heavy. He’s angry at him when he does not take care of himself, but he is not resentful. Sonic struggles with being a burden on all of his friends, not just Shadow. The way you described the relationship was closer to how Tails and Sonic interact than Shadow and Sonic and even then, there’s more going on that I just don’t have the time or energy to really walk through. And besides, I want to save that energy to draw out things later.
As i shared with another commenter who asked something similar, I can absolutely DM you your ask back if you want to save it. However I don’t understand why you need me to post it to save it your likes if you simply want to save it. You have your own blog you can post it to. Why does it need to be on my blog? Why do I have to do extra work so you can have an easier time to do what you want? I am very grateful for your interaction and love of my comic, and I understand it’s frustrating when people make things harder for you to have a good time, but that’s exactly what you’re doing to me by asking me to change how I use tumblr to suit your wants instead of what is easiest for me. I am not a public service you pay for. I am a person, a full time student with family issues, struggling siblings that I’m trying to help, a person who is struggling myself. I have a limited amount of energy in a day, I get tired quickly. If i want to continue to find joy in drawing I have to set boundaries. You may not always know why someone does something, I guarantee there is more here that I will not share because it is personal. Sometimes you just have to be okay with not knowing, you have to be okay not understanding, and you have to be okay without an explanation that makes sense to you. All you need to do is understand that often times there is a reason people behave the way they do. It’s not a reflection on you or their opinion of you, it is simply many other factors at play that lead to such an outcome.
I sincerely hope this did not offend you, I am not angry with you, nor do I wish for any of this to be taken as scolding or upset you. If it has come across that way, I apologize. I am sorry I am not in a state to give you what you want, and I’m thankful for your patience with me in reading through this and I hope it is enough to at least paint a little bit of a picture as to why I will not be posting your ask. It’s unfortunate that I ended up spending hours addressing this anyway both to you and to another commenter—the very thing I wanted to avoid—but I value you as a person and did not want to leave you feeling negatively if I could change that. I hope this does not affect your enjoyment or experience with how you were having fun with my au, and if it does I am deeply regretful. However, I do have to set boundaries and make sure I’m doing okay or there would be no AU at all. Thanks for your understanding and I hope you have a day as kind as you are.
#knox rambles#asks#anon#same kinda thing goes for that anon asking me to post all my small works to ao3 actually#what i say: there’s a couple reasons why but I’ll give you one#what i don’t say: A LOT OF OTHER STUFF#the energy it takes to transfer and hunt them down just to make it easier for you is so much harder for me#i guess if enough people expressed intrest i could consider posting all my mini fics but you’d have to be fine with like no art no writing#no asks from me for months while i do all that work#personally i don’t have time or energy to transfer anything#and its just not worth it for me considering how little people read them#the knuxoug e one i might consider posting because its a little longer#but all my smaller drabbles are Tumblr specials only#that could change in the future nothings set in stone#but just because you don’t understand why i don’t do something doesn’t mean i owe you an explanation or my reasoning is any less valid#respectfully my goal here isn’t to look after other people and hold their hands so they’re having a good time my goal is to draw and write#and then sometimes share that joy i get by sharing the story#if i stress about and put effort into customizing what i do to make things smoother for everyone else that effort doesn’t go into my writin#I’m not a social media specialist I’m a writer and and an artist#so far only one person has ever asked me to post long asks after I’ve said i don’t vibe with long asks#and so far only two people have ever asked me to post my small drabbles to ao3 (to my memory i could be wrong on that)#i could go into a lot more long winded reasoning as to why i don’t want to post small fics like i did here with long asks#but I’ve already spent enough time as it is on this and i wanted to draw metal today#anyway to reiterate: I’m not mad honestly this is all kinda funnny i hope both anons have a good day and I’ll be moving on and moving#forward with my art and drawing so i can keep enjoying it and having fun#i know drama’s fun to read through so all of y’all’s goofy beloved sneaky people reading to the end ily <3#giving you a kiss on the head :3#i maaaay delete this later since it’s so silly how long I spent on it#anyway yup hope y’all have a lovely day!
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i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake
#took half an expired tops brand unisom . wheeeee medicine that does nothing and then the next day you're groggy for twelve hours#but i have to do SOMEthing if i don't Try to make myself sleep that's Giving Up and if you Give Up . well#this is the second week in a row that ive failed to sleep on a night leading into the work week and i know most of the external reasons why#like. busy day tomorrow so anxious. haven't given myself a full weekend in a really long time so strung out.#had important stuff to do earlier that didn't happen so dwelling on that. woke up at 9am and wasn't out of bed until ten thirty so like#i got more than adequate sleep last night but this does not make me feel less worried about NOT sleeping TONIGHT#because again. every time i have a night of big insomnia im convinced that it's the beginning of an unending trend#that will make me wind up like my mother who is lucky she gets more than three hours of sleep every couple of weeks#and while she's done this her whole life qnd has adjusted to it (as much as a body can) i just know. based on how insomnia is for me#that i never could. it would be exactly as terrible every time i would never be able to be calm while it was happening#anyway everybody send me your best knockout gas#AND. it's SNOWING. fuck everything i hate it all#tomorrow im gonna be groggy as hell and have to drive to work and back and have to be With It bc we're doing activities and shit#and have to be like the model of library enthusiasm when i barely have that on a good day. and not actually physically groan#every time someone new wants a card because it means i have to interrupt what im doing dor the next fifteen minutes to say a spiel#i know i shouldn't hate that i should be glad we're getting engagement. and i am. i just wish i wasn't the one at the desk#and im not good at keeping that off of my face or being welcoming when i dont feel welcoming#i haven't gotten to do processing at my actual office desk in months. haven't gotten to be Off The Floor#which certainly hasn't helped my overall stress levels. i need to not be socially on so much it's slowly pulling me apart#and then i get home wnd im too tired to do anything and my house also falls apart around me#but if i DON'T have outings i also rot . there's no solution to this problem. not without quitting my job which ill never do#bc in today's market id never get anything half as good as this ever again. and as has been established. this relatively good job#is still not good enough for me not to be emotionally and mentally falling apart
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thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.
#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright#all things considered#it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit#both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away#but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part#and i find it so odd when people frame it as one#todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself#but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all#and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him#and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing#as far as todd’s concerned neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance#a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same#i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ +#‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN#todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isn’t really the case#and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person#he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree +#(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me#mad#neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything#and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety#come on guys#dps#dead poets society#todd anderson
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Togame’s Team:
Carracosta (Partner Pokemon)
Lairon
Lycanroc (Dusk)
Carkol
Cranidos
Alright, here’s my reasoning for Togame being a rock-type trainer: stamina. During the Noroshi arc, that’s the comment he gets from his opponent — he’s terrifying precisely because he just doesn’t stop. And you see it in his fight with Sakura, too; Togame could’ve kept going if he hadn’t had his epiphany mid-fight. Point being, it was a toss up between rock, ground, and steel for me, and rock won purely because it meant I could give him a turtle pokemon as a partner. Again, I had Rampardos in mind originally (the way it charges reminds me of Togame, lowered head and everything lmao), but Carracosta has it all. Rock type, revitalized fossil, and turtle. Truly a triple threat.
To elaborate a little more on the rest of his team… Lycanroc is there because anyone who’s guard dog-coded in the series (Endo, Togame, Nirei - that makes sense I promise - Hiiragi, etc.) gets a dog-like pokemon. And it’s the dusk form because I liked the mixture of light/dark imagery considering Togame’s character arc. Carkol is his one concession to the fact that the eighth gym is meant to be fire-themed (when Choji’s actually there and not wandering around like the free spirit he is), plus it’s like. Togame being the inexhaustible fuel to Choji’s fire, y’know?
Lairon’s there because I like that evolutionary line. And it fits well with the whole steadfast second in command vibe Togame’s got going on. Plus I’m pretty sure its speed is abysmal in-game.
Were Togame not a gym leader (stand in) and just a normal trainer Sakura encounters, he’d probably have this team instead: Carracosta, Torterra, Torkoal, Blastoise, Shuckle. Because turtle.
#king’s court#wind breaker#togame jo#pokemon: verdant winds#I probably had more to say but I’m tired and this was getting long already#just know he’s also a rock type trainer because he 100% pulls a Brock and leaves the gym to follow Sakura around when he finally loses#because I am weak for togasaku and I think it’s cute he’s infatuated from the get-go#also hey does anyone reading this have a pokemon they think goes with riolu?#I had the thought of togame and sakura having buddy pokemon#like tsubaki and umemiya have their exchanged applins#and you’ll see nirei and suo also have buddy-buddy pokemon#so I’m trying to keep the theme going with these two#if you aren’t into shipping I’m so sorry but I’m incapable of making a story without romance on some level#if it helps I mostly keep things low key unless the romance is like. the reason FOR the story#anyway#I know the poll is ongoing but I’ll just these in the order of who’s winning right now#which means suo is next!!
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what do you meeeeeeeean i can't marry him
#fields of mistria#idk if i want to blog this tooooo much if its still in early access; its fantastic so far#but i feel like ill be doing multiple saves to get the most out of it. especially when actually romancing characters becomes a thing#itll be difficult to keep track of each one#that was a very long winded way of saying im not making a tag for this game just yet
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Ok hi!!!! I love all your takes on the characters and it's rlly interesting! I also think moash is a very nuanced and fascinating character. I'm kinda mad at him after he tried to convince Kal to k!ll himself but I think he's a great charcter with lots of depth and your pinned post was so interesting because it said so much about moash! Anyway sorry bye!!!
Hello!!! Thank you!! I apologize for inflicting that post on you, but I'm glad you read/enjoyed it! ty for letting me know <3<3<3
#i pinned it kinda as a joke but also bc i'd keep getting sent moash hate from new followers#and while there are many places in this fandom that are receptive to that. i am not really one of them.#man remember when i read ob in 2017 and liked it and so came onto the internet to draw characters from it w/ no knowledge of this fandom#i wasn't a moash-poster back then (all szeth all the time baby) but i was shocked by how everyone talked about one of my fav characters#these days there are plenty of people here who like him but back then i felt like i had to claw out a space for myself to discuss him#largely just felt that the kind of hate he got was counterproductive to any deeper discussions or critiques of the narrative#of course in present that essay mostly serves as a barrier to entry for new people following my blog#because the real question of course is how you guys keep finding me#it's sort of a ''come for the silly drawing you saw somewhere‚ stay for the erratic and long-winded discourse'' kind of vibe#anyway. always nice and flattering to meet new people. sorry i don't post much here anymore.#i make up for it how much i ramble in the tags tho
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Thinking about....... Sun Onceler.........
#sometimes the sun is a twink and he loves you and he refuses to leave your brain apparently#he's just so fun! what if instead of knitting thneeds he spins water into clouds! and they can be anything bc they can be any shape!#i realize in hindsight i have a tendency to make characters that embody some aspect of nature and may or may not be a deity lol#so maybe the others could make an appearance! sunler playing a lyre or smth singing about them#the stars and how she knows the fate in the cards#the siblings summer wind and rain#the beast and her orchard#but of course ending with how he's totally cooler and more important than everyone else#and it turns out apollo is not only the god of the sun but also of art and music so it really fits him methinks!#i doubt i could ever pull off running an askblog. however#i like the idea of him causing mischief. oh someone wants this thing to happen? let's make it a game!#keep your friends close from epic comes to mind#i don't have much in the way of story but. there are these two scenes in my head that are SO good#i wanna talk about em so badddd but i don't wanna spoil in case i do something with em#but i will say that one of them is a really really fun reference >:D#and the line “RED IS THE NEW GOLD”#but anyways i think an important part of him is that he loves people. he loves these silly little humans running around more than anything.#because all of this ultimately stems from the idea of the sun missing you when you've been inside for a long time#wanting things to get better for you and being there to celebrate the little victories yknow?#my nonsense
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.
#actually not done with hadestown because also in the original version you hear Hermes blowing air after coming back with his ‘a’ight’ after#Orpheus looks and I’ve not seen it but I always imagine him blowing Eurydice back tot he underworld because he has to this is the way the#story goes and even though he doesn’t want it to end this way it has to and he has to fucking make it end this way#and I genuinely cannot remember if this makes it to the broadway version but then we have Hermes’ breath clearing the scene to be reset#to go back to the beginning and he’s taking about signing the song again even though he knows how it ends and ugh and yeah yeah it’s the#human experience to keep going despite failures and to hope that it works out this time and hope is a difficult habit to break whatever#but even the gods aren’t free of the fucking tragedy and then and THEN he has to be the one to tell Eurydice that she can trust Orpheus that#he’s not like other men and then he isssss he isssssssss he leaves her alone in the wind (because of course he does he has a SONG to write#and that’s more important than the woman you allegedly love…I have neutral opinions about that…clearly) and so Eurydice goes to hadestown#and another difference with the original is that she sees he’s full of shit in the first chant not in hey little songbird she’s already done#and then hades is like ‘hey - heard your man ain’t shit’ and sure he deceives her but he’s hades and if bitch ass Orpheus gets a pass so#should he so Hermes promises Eurydice that Orpheus is different. that she’ll be safe. that he’ll make her feel alive and thennnnn it’s not#funny but it’s hilarious so imagine having to do that again and again and again and my head canon is that Hermes knows. he knows that theyve#done this before but hope is an impossible habit to break and so he genuinely hopes that this time it’ll work this time Orpheus will stand#in the wind with Eurydice or listen to Hermes or not look back but of course he won’t. he’s Orpheus. he’s got a song to give to the world#and Eurydice is just his muse (and I LOVE the line ‘you’ll find another muse somewhere’…I might hate Orpheus like the oroginal peformer idk#his name unfortunately and Reeve are amazing it’s the character) so it doesn’t matter that she dies over and over and in some ways Hermes#might be restarting everything so his boy doesn’t have to be heartbroken because that’s his adoptive son basically and while he’s a fucking#idiot he’s loved so of course Hermes restarts everything not only because he has to but because he doesn’t want Orpheus to suffer and who#cares if Eurydice suffers for it as long as the song gets finished
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the way “exposure” keeps getting longer and longer and longer every time i sit down to finish it…
if this word count doesn’t end up close to 12k i’d be very surprised LMAOOO
#being a long-winded bitch is both a blessing and a curse#i have a couple hours tonight to sit down and finish it#so i hope to get it posted to you either tomorrow or monday#but who knows.. it might just keep going on forever and ever amen#mercy blabs#mercy after hours
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After they've been together for a while and Kieran's come out of his shell a bit (esp around the rest of the gang) for some reason I can imagine him just being like. Very forward. Not outright flirty but he loves Javier SO MUCH he's practically vibrating with it. It's spilling from his mouth every time he talks w/ him. Not right out of the gate, though. He starts with small comments in the morning. A compliment here, a cheesy line there. But by the end of the day if you listen closely you can hear an increasing amount of stutters from Javirr's guitar and Kieran knows he's got him when he looks away he's so flustered and the whole time Kieran's just blinking innocently and grinning like mad he's so in love UGH. If he does not kiss his bf breathless within the next 10 seconds he WILL explode
NOOO I AGREE COMPLETELYYYYY YOU GET ME YOU UNDERSTAND !!! kieran, as shy (if you want to call keeping your mouth shut to spare yourself the trouble of getting shot in the head “shy”) and awkward as he is, speaks his mind and is willing to be quite verbal about what he’s thinking ! i listened to his ambient voice lines the other day and he really is very vocal when he doesn’t feel that being the alternative would jeopardize his wellbeing, and i think the reason people don’t notice is because when he’s challenged, he’s often willing to fold on his perspective, mostly just to preserve his own safety because of his audience. i mean, he literally FORCED the vdl’s to take him in, and he often bows up at arthur and will challenge/confront him (because he’s most familiar with him). plus, he’s very openly complimentary towards mary-beth, even as early as horse-shoe. kieran duffy has little to no problems with speaking if you really listen !
so absolutely yes he does say what’s on his mind even and especially when it comes to javier. hell, i believe that kieran complimented him even before they got together, before javier even liked him (or acted like it, at least). he’s just a lover at heart ! i think that would be one of the reasons that javier becomes less hostile towards kieran to begin with- because kieran is so gentle with everyone, and initially, javier is always shocked when he isn’t the exception, even when he generally avoids him or even treats him outright poorly. kieran’s gentility isn’t a survival skill, it’s an innate part of who he is. so even before he’s especially comfortable with javier, on rare occasion, kieran would say a “you look nice today, mister !” or a “you’ve got that knife looking mighty spiffy, would love something like that for myself some day.” before he can really even think about it. it always pissed javier off, of course, because ‘that stupid pretty, sweet, charming, handsome bastard of an o’driscoll has no right to even look at him, nonetheless like him or anything he does ! and it certainly didn’t feel good to hear him say it !’.
but when they get together, kieran’s compliments change- not only because javi now knows that he means them from a full homo place, but because kieran is now able to say things that have been on his mind for months. when they’re away from camp, kieran swoons and fawns and waxes poetry as best his awkward and mildly educated self can. i really believe that it takes him no time at all (i say this, i mean a month or so) to work up to jumping into sharing his adoration when they’re alone, because when javier finally chose him back, kieran got his permission to love him, and he’d been waiting on that for ages. kieran duffy has been starving for love for all 23 years of his life, and he’s got such a craving for it that it makes him the best cook in the world because then every crumb matters. being a lover with no one to love has left kieran with a keenly honed sense of adoration- a natural skill he has sharpened to a perfect point in all of his quiet isolation. javier practically drowns in it once he’s exposed to the full capacity of it. you’re absolutely right that it isn’t too long before kieran has javier wrapped perfectly, lovingly, obediently around his finger. when kieran sits politely on the bedroll next to his beautiful musician as he plays for his usual crowd of outlaws, when he peers over at him through long brunette lashes, when javier can feel his gaze on his fingers as they pluck the strings (and some rare nights, javier knows exactly what kinds of thoughts are in kieran’s mind, which only flusters him further. especially when kieran feigns innocence if ever accused of lust, all the way up until they’re alone, in which he’s quite happy to share imagery from his vivid imagination.). usually, though, kieran wants nothing more out of it than to let javier know just how much he adores him, how pretty he thinks he is, how perfect his voice is, how every little thing about him drives kieran crazy- and it’s out of lack of recent exposure that javier’s tolerance for it all is so low. that’s what he tells himself, anyway. kieran may not be a poet, but he’s sure honest, and sometimes, that hits harder than elegant prose.
i do so love the thought of a flustered javier, especially when he’s the one who is supposedly the “romantic” of the two. man can dish it out but he can’t take it </3 kieran sparingly shares touches with him throughout the day as well, placing a hand on the back of javier’s collar when he’s leaning over his shoulder to peer at whatever javier is intending to show him (a map for a small job he’s planning, an upgrade on his revolver or knife, the poison throwing knives he’s gingerly handling as he explains to kieran how to coat them evenly for a quicker kill), hooking a finger into the waistband of javier’s pants or his suspenders as they smoke alone early in the morning by the scout campfire, touches the tips of their boots together as they both work their separate chores of cleaning saddles and sharpening knives. kieran says i love you throughout the day in a million different ways. like you said, he’s practically vibrating with it. by the end of the day, after kieran’s shared with javi how his eyes look like the perfect cup of coffee in the sun, how he’s real purdy first thing in the morning, how he missed him the other day while he was out on a job, all the while burning holes into javier’s skin with every little touch he sneaks in when they’re on the same side of camp, javier is a puddle on the ground. he’s anxiously fiddling with his guitar before playing and missing notes when he does, desperately cleaning his boots and hat more to soothe his hot gut, and taking solo fishing trips to either verbally rant his feelings out loud in spanish or rub one out because kieran is driving him absolutely insane, and they’ve not been together quite long enough for javier to justify dragging him out of camp every single day to get some privacy and/or blow off some steam (in more ways than one, depending on the day).
the longer they’re together, the more brazen he gets, absolutely. placing a hand on javier’s shoulder while he sits next to him at the campfire with other gang members, tucking javi’s hair behind his ear when it’s down and they’re chatting late at night, saying “oh, i do love you.”, “yes, sweetheart?”, “javier, my dear-“ in front of some other gang members while they’re talking or addressing each other, and it simply turns javier’s brain off. to be bravely loved is such a privilege and it almost sends a shiver down his spine every time kieran does it. to kieran, it’s almost like he can’t even help it, doesn’t even really think about it too much after a while. sure, he’s anxious at first, especially with how javier will react since he’s essentially constantly around his tough-love family who will absolutely mock him for it if he lets them, but seeing javier get so flustered because of how little he expected kieran to be so bold, it’s addicting. immensely. plus, kieran knows javier may not come back to him every time he leaves camp, and he’s lost enough in his lifetime to regret not loving javier to his full capacity. it won’t get them hurt, so he’s happy to be brave, because he’ll know that if either of them die, they will die having loved and been loved at 100%. now, he doesn’t think too hard about any of that. really, kieran just can’t help but love javier- can’t help but want to tell him that he’s the most beautiful person he’d ever met, tell him how much he matters to him, tell him how special his heart is, show him how much he loves him, indelibly, intricately, with every fiber of his being. if i don’t kiss him breathless within the next 10 seconds, i will die. he thinks after a long day of small touches and meager compliments, after a long day of javier tripping over his boots and unsatisfactorily twanging his guitar strings once or twice that evening nonetheless. and he says “if i dont kiss you within the next ten seconds, i will die.” and javier pauses, freezes, shocked, trapped in green eyes as the scout campfire lazily licks dances of light and shadows across their wrinkles and scars and features. and javier says, “well then, come here. you are too young to die.” as his heart beats louder in his chest than it ever has in a gunfight.
umm i think i got off topic but yes :3 i agree :3 kieran can be quite forward, even canonically ! they’re both loverboys in their own ways and equally as hungry for the others’ taste (figuratively and literally). sorry for the yap sesh ! thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me !!!!!!! i love thinking about them waygh ;__; i could talk about them all day
#tldr i agree i just think kieran would be quite forward quite fast rather than taking too long to warm up#i mean he takes his time but the time in which he BEGINS to fluster javier is sooner than when they begin dating#so by the time they begin dating i think he would essentially cannonball into it once he settles in#which to me is around the time he also feels comfortable asking arthur to go fishing with him and for favors etc etc#so actually yeah kinda a similar timeline as you ? just different times for his bare bones affection to specifically begin#i know i rambled a lot here this response is so long im so sorry. i’m sure that to everyone else most of what i said is moreso an irrelevant#ramble and less so an actual response but it all makes sense to me :( i get so excited and it’s hard to stay on topic LOL#either way anon thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts with me !!!! i’m so happy when people want to talk to me and share things with me :]#to think of me of all people when you think of javieran and to want to connect with me over that makes me feel so happy and special !!!!!#i hope u like how i write them !!!! and all my incessant yapping …….#just in general i so do love the idea of javier who is notorious for his romantics to be out-romanticed sometimes by his presumed ‘shy boy’#boyfriend LOL kieran duffy’s love will knock the wind right out of you !#not to say that javi’s poetics and own love isn’t just as strong#but i think kieran’s disposition sets him up to catch people off guard when it turns out that he’s a huge loverboy and romantic in his own#special way 💔💔💔☹️☹️☹️ i love them so baaaaaadddd so so so so bad#thank u again anon i had a blast writing about them 💔 my cowboy lovers they keep me going#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#hero's yelling at folks again#hero’s waxing poetics again#ask#anon#text#hero’s javier#hero’s kieran#hero’s javieran
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could i bother u for more thoughts on faith and max in a mock apple orchard 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
@gayafsatan — I would absolutely LOVE to brainstorm some fun ideas of them in a mock apple orchard!!
I've been replaying again so they've been rotating around in my mind a lot extra hard and was especially thinking about mock apple picking bc the botanical labs also has a lil orchard where you can pick mock apples up off the ground! But I'm currently in Roseway so oughhh.. ideas....
I want you now I am going to ramble a LOT so please bear with me I swearsies it'll be more fun if we get the full lore dump from my brain 😩💖💕
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👇 ROSEWAY THOUGHTS 👇
(I AM GOING TO TALK ABT ROSEWAY THOUGHTS AS A WHOLE AND THEN EASE INTO SOME SILLY MOCK APPLE ORCHARD IDEAS AT THE END OKAY. OKAY ILY THANK YOU).
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My thoughts are very chaotic and rambly so let me try to walk though my ideas lmao
Roseway is typically where I peg Faith's death wish arc happening, and to summarize what all that entails, it's when the mask slips and the weight of everything finally hits her in full force.
I always envision this story happening over a long period of time so a lot of time has passed since first arriving at Edgewater and the Groundbreaker.
Halcyon. Her situation. Her identity. The life Phineas threw her into abruptly and his expectations for her. Making split second moral decisions where no matter what someone is going to get hurt. Being so alien and alone, no one to understand her or believe in her predicament but having to be the mysterious competent captain regardless.
It finally gets to her. Bad. And she makes some self destructive decisions. She gets sloppy, careless, hoping someone else will end this nightmare for her. Until they almost do.
I am swiftly brushing past many details so we don't get too lost in the sauce. But Max went after her, found her collapsed and injured bad, carried her back to the ship for Ellie to do whatever she could, and then stayed by her side for as long as it took for her to wake up.
This is such a key moment for them getting closer. Because there was a lot of frustration and emotion and being forced to confront the possibility of feelings existing, but nothing they fully understand or are ready to acknowledge as such yet.
She tries to brush past the subject of what happened, deflecting everything until he raises his voice in a way he hasn't since she gave him the journal and she threatened he never talk like that to her again. And it was enough to break through her facade, for her to show just how utterly broken and vulnerable she is, and they have a proper fucking conversation about where she's at mentally. He still isn't ready for the truth about her life before. But it's a step forward.
There is a lot of patience and understanding and just. Yeah. A lot happens here. Some walls come down. There grows some room for them to become softer and closer over more time.
All of this is important because a short piece I had written a long time ago took place in this area roughly after this incident.
It was a personal outlet vent piece, I will be honest. When I wrote it it was after I had a very bad panic attack after an awful scare. And I wrote it into Faith because I just wanted to get some feelings from that experience out of my system.
The shortened version of that one is Faith recovering from a bad episode, trying to calm her breathing, waiting for her ears to stop ringing and for her vision to come back. Her legs gave out on her and she was sitting under the mock apple trees. Her voice locks up on her when she's seriously distressed. Yadda yadda yadda, Max had brought along his datapad so she could communicate anything important and she was incredibly confused because she knows he doesn't like using his datapad ever and then rendered even more speechless to know he brought it specifically for her in case something like this were to happen again. It ends with her just asking if he would keep talking to her, and they sit there under the mock apple trees for a while, in no particular rush to get anywhere.
And after this point, I think the mock apple orchards become a really peaceful, therapeutic spot for her when she just wants a moment to herself. Sits there, breathes, takes in the Roseway scenery and collects herself before jumping back into the horrors of Halcyon. Spends some time picking mock apples to take back to the ship.
I've been having a lot of ideas of her asking Max to go with her. I'm of the mind if she'd ask directly that he'd either decline, or at least pretend to be uninterested but she's the one who asked so he accepts the offer.
But I can see her being vague and just saying that she's heading out if he'd join her and she leads him to the orchards. By this point they're already often in each other's company, she indulges his interests often, letting him be the one who is finally listened to. But in general, they get along very well in conversation when it comes to a handful of similar interests and their personalities and attitudes bounce off of each other well.
(In my story anyway, since she spends an extended amount of time in Edgewater and the Vale, there was also a lot of time spent doing some early bonding with Max. So do with that info what you will. They're not likeee besties yet but they're much more than strangers by this point, ya'know? Just to get an idea of where their familiarity with each other is at and why there's enough respect and trust to some extent already existing. Not to mention how much time they had spent on the Groundbreaker).
They'd be having such a peaceful time away from the rest of the crew.
Oughhh hear me out, okay, Faith loves to bake. She doesn't even ask, she just makes Max hold her bag open while she starts collecting mock apples and after they finally head back to the ship she figures out how to make mock apple pie for the crew 😭 we already know Max doesn't care much for sweets (I wonder how sweet or tart a mock apple pie would be.. Faith girl what all Halcyon ingredients are you adding to that bad boy) but.. what if.... After everyone goes to bed...... He tries some anyway........ Because she made it..........
Most of what's bouncing around in my brain is them early on having wholesome bonding time in a spot just for the two of them. Just enjoying each other's company. Realizing they have genuine respect for each other, Faith feeling like she found a genuine friend who went to lengths further than anyone had in her entire life to make sure she survived. I am specifying Faith's feelings here intentionally. I write Max in a more complicated spot very blinded by his revenge scheme more or less unaware for a long while just how much the lines start blurring between his faith and his Faith. To put it succinctly. (Look I know I'm always drawing The Good Stuff™️ but in actuality their relationship is suchhhh a slow burn. They are not the most romantically inclined people lmao).
But also.. once she realizes she can talk to him when she needs to. I think coming back to this spot, off the ship, away from the crew, she just likes it there. She likes being there with him. She finds comfort in that spot.
OKAY BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WOULD BE CUTE.... they should come back here.. post-scylla and post-gorgon...... Ya'know......... The first being when they establish not wanting to be apart and the second being when they want to make that partnership a permanent one......... ASKING HER IN THE MOCK APPLE ORCHARDS WOULDN'T THAT BE DARLING ough okay I need a minute my brain is going too fast to comprehend
My Roseway ideas aren't the most cleaned up I know BUT so many important bonding moments exist and oughhhh LOOSE IDEAS ARE STILL WORTH TALKING ABOUT OKAYYYYY
I just want them to go mock apple picking together and learn how to get smiles out of each other and not understand why it makes their chests hurt but they know they need to do it again
ACTUALLYYYYY post-scylla when he's much more mellowed out and they're the closest they've been I think would be so so nice. they'd be so much softer and he'd probably be so much more involved in wanting to enjoy silly lil activities with her.....
Currently imagining him reading out loud to her, all the conversations they'd have, maybe he brings his tossball cards to show her, maybe they bring one of the lil games, have a lil makeshift picnic....
Godddd the transition between just how much enthusiasm he shows spending time with her is enough to make me explode. Can you see my vision. The reluctance, to the hesitancy, to becoming absolutely inseparable.
I HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT BUT I'M GETTING SLEEPY SO SENDING IT!!!!!!
Literally feel free to add on or share your own thoughts I'm begging you lmao I promise there is so much room for ideas to be fleshed out and better put together, I'm mostly just spitballing what all I think would be incredibly fun ideas to work with. Plus I'm kind of thinking across the timeline and how much their relationship would change between each visit. And how over time they would enjoy it more and more and make each visit more special than the last.
WAIT BEFORE I LOSE THE THOUGHT!! They make a stop RIGHT BEFORE HEADING TO SCYLLA TO GO TO THE HERMIT'S LODGE!! Oh that could hurt so good omgggg. Okay okay I need to stop now I NEED TO STOP.
#MY DEAR FRIEND I WROTE SO MUCH I APOLOGIZE AHEAD OF TIME#I had a LOT of roseway thoughts I needed to get out of my system#that lead into why the mock apple orchards would be such a special spot they'd want to keep returning to 😭#my thoughts are all a mess tho I know I know I have a lot that's needs cleaning up and better fleshed out#but hey! what's the point of having ideas if you can't talk about them no matter what stage of development they're at!!#enjoy my long winded roseway ramble#I really do think the orchards would make such a lovely spot to just be alone and bond#not that it was ever their intention. it certainly wasn't supposed to happen he'd think.#yet there he is. unable to deny her invitation and realizing all too late how many details about her he has committed to memory#always so collected and calculated. never stumbling on his words. always knowing just what to say.#until it comes to her. until she days his name. until her voice like a siren song has his tongue tied in knots.#'vicar max if you prefer brevity' he tells her. yet maximillian she'll call him. letting his name linger on her lips for as long as possible#I think I need to go lay down#faith and max#my writing#long post#says*
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#i have no idea how to respond to the whole qsmp situation right now#i mean. i dont watch it or interact with qsmp ITSELF#only the fans around it#I have made fanart for it but not really because i have any particular attachment to specific characters but just because#its a very good springboard for character design and inspiration#Im very involved with the fanbase though as the QSMPnews discord is one of my main discords#and I mainly use the fandom space as a way of practicing/getting into foreign languages#although i dont watch qsmp it still has impacted my life massively in the last year#this clusterfuck of project management is difficult to unravel and know what to do with#and its difficult to know exactly where to turn your attention#or who to blame#since theres so many levels of miscommunication that hasnt been helped by the sharing of it online#i think. even if QSMP doesn't survive#it would be ludicrous to state it as an inherently harmful server#since there has been an evident change in the minecraft gaming space because of it in multiculturalism.#heck IM direct proof of that as someone who does not reguarly engage with the server itself via streams#the fact that as a result of a 21 year old kid deciding to start a sever I can end up with a group of spanish speakers trying to explain#various concepts to me in my language while i respond in theirs is. insane#so do i think that the qsmp will survive?#um. look i dont see how it can.#I've never thought that it could#but i dont think that im going to demonise fans or avoid content relating to it#considering how integral the fanspaces around it are to me and my personal quest for language proficiency#however I will attempt to keep qsmp posts on my french/spanish blogs#well that was. long-winded#idk this is a very self-centred look into the qsmp and this whole situation#obviously I hope that the staff get paid but. I really have no idea where Quackity Studios might get that money from or how the#server should either end or continue
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guess who finally got ✨✨medicated✨✨
#not wc#yarrow speaks#idk how long its going to take to find an effective dose#im just rly hoping i will be able to actually do the tasks that I want to do#instead of like. despite spending the whole day wanting to write rly rly bad#all my brain does when i finally sit down is stare at a blank doc for 6+ hours because having a train of thought is like.#trying desperately to put down train tracks in front of me as i go#but the tracks I just set down behind me are floating away in the wind the second my back is turned so i just have to keep starting over#and hoping surely this time i will be able to organize this thought train and it won't all get kicked into a useless brain tornado#does that metaphor make ANY got damn sense do u FEEL me i'm floundering lmao#this is not getting into the mountain of adult tasks I have been neglecting my whole adult life oopsy#anyway i got diagnosed with ADD like so fast#the real kicker i think was that I licherally Can't Drive because my brain can't stop dipping into a spaced out daydream every 30 sec#ANYWAY. I like to optimistically think maybe I will actually be able to finish personal projects in the near future
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hi
so real life stuff picked up a bit (nothing bad happened) but uh, sorry for the hiatus. will i keep posting daily? no. but i will post at least every once in a while!
anyways here's an arodian as a dragon
#what type of dragon? spiral dragon from flightrising.com. dragon neopets dragon#which is ironic considering spirals are naturally hyperactive in the lore#i have embarked on the long journey to have a “fandragon” of every meteos alien#with art combining the designs#if a dragon pet site sounds interesting check it out. just remember to have fun#(and wind flight best flight /lh)#anyways this ain't a flight rising blog so enough about that#to the one person who send that ask i mentioned a while ago: i will get to it#i just want to finish the art with it#my inspiration is fickle#and i have to keep the ask in my inbox to guilt myself into getting to it /lh#anyways i'm gonna stop talking about asks like this because there's no actual time limit or pressure#i just mentioned it before#wow that's a lot of tags#anyways#meteos#art#digital art#arod#id in alt
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maxwell trevelyan all you do is suffer...
#anna's fic notes#you have to understand my thing with max is like. it's all About the performance.#and i think the circle is this truly profoundly horrific thing for him. they give you these kids and you train them and then they kill them#if i think about it for too long i lose my mind#and max doesn't get to have his catharsis. he stumbles out of the circle back to a family that has mostly imploded in his absence -#a group of other traumatized adults who all NEED him to keep being innocent and untouched by evil like they remember - and#when he goes to the conclave he winds up caught in the same leash that the chantry has always been and he'll NEVER be free of it...#max 'helen of troy' trevelyan#max is also the inquisitor who does not believe the harrowing works. i've been playing with that idea for a while but i think he truly#just thinks it's an excuse to kill mages flat out. he thinks it's murder.#the rogue!evelyn doesn't really think about it at all - i don't think she quite understands what it is - and the mage!evelyn#does not allow herself to form opinions about things that make her feel powerless. but maxwell is smiling and polite and soft-spoken#and with every breath he hates the world#seven is SO many apprentices. what can i say he is a good teacher
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