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truelovepolinator · 2 days ago

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State of the Ship Address: Where we stand after the Hard Launch

Well, this has certainly been an interesting week, hasn’t it?

Last Saturday, I was the happiest of shippers, sharing why I’m so sure it’s Luke. By Wednesday, I was sharing my thoughts on why Nicola’s “just a friend” comment was nothing to worry about. Yes, truly, Nicola’s comment was a hit to the ship. A very palpable hit. Yet, we sailed on. Then on Thursday, well, the ship very nearly sunk with Luke’s Hugo Boss “hard launch” of Antonia. Nearly.

There’s one thing I’ll say I know for sure. Nicola knew she was getting that question about fans wanting her to marry Luke and she had her answer prepared. I have no doubt about that. In all likelihood, her people asked him to ask that question. Otherwise, it’s out of the box for that kind of industry/awards promotion interview. It’s not an interview for the fans, it’s for the voters. She WANTED to dispel the idea that she and Luke might have fallen in love on set because that perception would hurt her chances at the SAG Awards.

There’s no question that Nic and Luke decided together that the time had come to send an armed nuclear torpedo into the ship for once and for all. And so, they did. Indeed, it’s only thanks to our wits, grit, and some very skillful maneuvering that we managed to keep the ship from sinking to the bottom of the ocean. We may be taking on water, but we’re bailing it faster, and we’re still afloat, if only just.

This does not, however, mean that I’m ignoring what they’ve said this week. On the contrary, I’m paying very, very close attention. I’m paying attention not only to their words (or in Luke’s case, the story he’s telling with that hard launch), but also to the subtext, the backstory, the character histories, and the outtakes. I’m paying close attention both to what they’ve told us and to what they haven’t.

I’m thinking about every bit of it. I am, by nature, very analytical. In the Lukola intelligence community, I’d say I’m more of an analyst than a detective. I don’t go out there gathering information (tracking every tag, monitoring friends, family, adjacents, finding old, hidden content, etc.). I don’t even know how to get metadata from Instagram. I’d be grateful if someone could tell me.

But when the detectives bring me evidence, I analyze the hell out of it. There are great detectives out there, but that’s not my skillset. I’m great at sitting at my desk and studying the evidence presented to identify patterns, interpret clues, and assemble those clues into a watertight case.

I thought that’s what I had, a watertight case. And you need your case to be watertight when you’re sailing these rough seas, right?

Then this week, Nicola and Luke decided to tell me my case had fallen apart, and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel. I’m not as devastated as I thought I might be. I think that’s because I’m still not sure I believe them. They’ve both told us the same thing this week, that they are absolutely, positively not together. They’ve told us in no uncertain terms. And I always thought I would believe them if that time came. And yet, there’s something just a little too suspicious and convenient about the timing for me to trust it entirely. It doesn’t quite pass the smell test.

To be clear, I’m not saying I definitely don’t believe them. I think it’s very possible they’ve told us the truth this week and we simply have to live with it. We have to shift our ship back to “endgame” mode, and out of “happening now” mode.

In some ways, this would be a relief. If I actually accepted that they are not together at all at this point, I could begin to let them go. If I don’t see their launch coming, why hang around? The wait for endgame could be eons. I love them together, but I could do a hell of a lot of other things with my time in the meantime. Why do I need to follow and discuss their every move if it’s not headed to the only result I care about? I could check out completely and let them do their thing.

I’ll watch Bridgerton, and their other work when it looks interesting, and otherwise peace out. I don’t have to be “a fan” to enjoy their work. I have loads of favorite actors whose work I love, and I follow very few of them on socials. I could simply shift NicLuke into that category and move on.

I don’t actually have to care so much about them. All this parasocial bs takes a lot of time and energy, and while that investment of time and energy is good for them because we keep them in the public discourse, it’s not necessarily the highest, best use of our time for ourselves, is it? I could just let it go. We could all just let it go. Wouldn’t that be a relief?

The problem is that I do care about them. They got us hooked during that World Tour and now we’re invested. I’m invested. I’ve put a lot into them and I’d like a return on my investment, thanks. I want to see them happy. Together. I want to see them happy together. Many of us do. So, what if we don’t get that?

Well, I’ll come back to that question. But right now, I’m more interested in the question of WHY. Why did they decide now was the time to torpedo the ship? After all these months of weird, yet skillful combination of utter silence and semi-explicit hints and breadcrumbs. Why now, after a year of active shipping, seven full months after the WT ended, long after Bridgerton 3-month ratings were locked, why spontaneously this week? And why did they do it in such a coordinated way? The SAG nomination, yes, but is there more to it?

I have more theories and variations on theories than I can count. But here are the four key interpretations I want to explore.

It’s exactly what I said this week with Nicola’s interview and my quick post on Thursday. They are still together, with major life changes ahead, and Nicola is up for a SAG. They need more privacy than ever AND Nicola needs to distance herself from the “they fell in love on-set” narrative so that she can be taken seriously as the terrific actor she is, who acted her ass off in Season 3. She doesn’t want to be seen as someone who was only that good because she was “really falling in love.”

They’re genuinely not together, Luke is actually with Antonia (whether on-and-off or all along) and they decided to shut down the shipping now purely because it was impacting Nic’s SAG nomination (see 1 for details). Or maybe L also decided it was time to launch to take the invasive scrutiny off his family.

They’re not together, L is with A, and Nic knew he was going to take her to the HB event, so she prepared fans and pre-empted any “poor, rejected Nicola” perception by saying what she did during her interview.

They were together, and now it’s over (not mutually exclusive with 2 or 3).

You’ll notice none of these theories turn on Nicola’s hypothetical romantic relationship with Jake. This is largely because I have always said that simply isn’t a romantic relationship. And regardless, it’s not relevant to this week’s developments as the state of her relationship with Jake is unchanged from the past few months. That’s not a new factor in this week’s decision.

Obviously, number 1 above is my preferred explanation. It still continues to be the only explanation that makes sense of absolutely everything we’ve seen. INCLUDING Nicola’s words in that interview, and even Luke taking A to that event if you follow the logic of protecting themselves at a critical time both personally and professionally. It’s easy to forget all the extensive evidence pointing to this, but a review of my recent posts will refresh you. There is much to this saga that literally only makes sense if Lukola is real and the other apparent relationships are PR fakery/fuckery to keep our eyes off the truth.

However, this week, they have actively told us that is not the case. So, we owe it to ourselves to be emotionally and intellectually honest and to be open to the other possibilities as well.

Okay, so let’s talk about options 2 and 3. Both posit that Luke and Antonia are really together. Or at least casually dating. It is certainly possible that Luke simply wanted or needed a date to this event and Antonia is a casual date. Certainly, their body language is not particularly close or affectionate in most of the photos or videos. And A clearly does not calm Luke’s anxiety and event nerves like Nic always could and did. And they didn’t seem to hold hands naturally, nor did their arms around each other seem particularly close or natural in most of the photos and videos we saw. And yet, they did walk and pose arm-in-arm as a couple. No arguments there.

It has been widely noted that the Daily Mail story featuring Luke attending this event with his “girlfriend Antonia” was published mere minutes after the first event photos were published. And the story talked way more about A and her vague resume/background than about Luke. For all the world, it sure looks like this appearance was designed to give Ant a PR boost with a story pre-planted and ready to roll. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t together.

There is one video recorded inside that shows them in a different light. They seem to be enjoying themselves together, laughing, smiling, and talking close. However, there was loud music, it seems, so all talking needed to be close. We saw this when Luke talked to David Beckham as well. David was leaning in and Luke was talking directly in his ear, so clearly, volume was an issue. But he did have his hand on her back and she even copped a feel of his celebrated lukey newts butt. Yes, that video looked very couply indeed. Again, no arguments.

Did I like it? Of course not. Obviously, I hated it. I loathed it even. Do I wish the whole evening would crawl away and sink itself into the bottom of the ocean in lieu of our very leaky ship? Yes. But that video still exists, as does the other photographic and videographic evidence. So, it’s irrefutable, right?

Almost. There is one thing that rankles a bit in that video. And indeed, about all the Luke & A stuff that came out so quickly. Literally, it all dropped faster than even the Beckham stuff, and Beckham was the host of this event. Why did it all hit so fast? Okay, sure, we already established it was at least partly planned PR for A. But why was that video so exclusively focused on the two of them specifically? What was the videographer doing shooting them from behind, ostensibly “in secret and candid,” for so long? Why so much footage (edited from pieces, therefore taken over time) of the two of them specifically, including that saucy, little butt grab?

If indeed this evening were intended to launch A with the explicit intentions of 1) blowing up the ship and 2) promoting A as the official girlfriend, then it’s not hard to imagine Luke’s PR handler/escort for the evening whispering a little encouragement in his ear. Something like, “It’s not really playing yet, you need to give it more. You two need to get cozy, amp it up, and we’ll get it on video.” Of course, it’s also entirely possible that this “canoodling inside” video was always planned as the final blow to seal the deal after the red carpet content hit.

And, to be fair, it’s also possible that they simply relaxed once they got inside and started having fun. If theirs is a real relationship, whether long-term, serious or a casual dating one, then that would make sense. But why were they so tense on the red carpet to begin with if they’re so close? Why did they look so uncomfortable? Either way, it seems someone had a very clear intention to capture “proof” of the relationship.

Now let’s shift gears and talk about Nicola briefly. Let’s start with this. Nicola is a terrific, gifted, hard-working actor. She deserves all the accolades. She’s worked hard to achieve the success she’s now enjoying and she sure as hell deserves her SAG Award nomination for her beautiful, delicate performance that was by turns moving, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and hilarious. She’s the real deal. And she’s unbelievably, ridiculously beautiful. To my eyes, many times more beautiful and sexier than the other woman who appears in this saga, for what it’s worth. That’s perhaps beside the point, but I wanted to throw it in anyway because what can I say? I’m feeling a little petty and in the mood to spit truths.

She’s also a woman with a right to privacy. And a woman with a career to maintain and grow. And an award nominee who’s campaigning for a win, knowing even if she doesn’t win, the nomination will open doors for her as long as she is taken seriously. And maybe, just maybe, a woman with big life changes coming up fast. I fully support her in doing what she needs to take care of herself and those she loves. And knowing what I know, having seen what I’ve seen, believing what I believe about her, I still believe she would absolutely do what she needs to do in this critical moment.

So, I’m just going to be honest and say I simply don’t know what to think at this point. I still believe number 1 above makes the most sense, both logically and emotionally. But… but… sigh.

There’s also another very real possibility, which is that Lukola has indeed been just as real as we all believe – and now, sadly, it’s over. I actually believe this could be a very real possibility, though this possibility breaks my heart most of all. But I think it’s distinctly possible that they tried and it just didn’t work out for any of the millions of reasons couples don’t make it all the time. Plus, as I’ve written about before, all the reasons they have extra challenges because of their lives and jobs. So maybe the shipping was sweet to them while the relationship lasted, but is painful now that it’s over.

I wish this didn’t feel so valid as a possibility, but it does. And this, too, would make sense of just about everything, unlike the alternate versions where the adjacents (or at least one of them) have been real partners all along. But who knows? As ever, none of us (and none of the Jakolas) knows them, so none of us will ever know anything for sure. Unless they one day decide to come clean.

I’m a big fan of the show Castle. Castle and Beckett, or “Caskett,” is one of a small handful of fictional couples that I have shipped with devotion. I LOVED Caskett and could not wait until they finally got together. The delicious tension, the longing, the near misses, the banter, the micro expressions that broke your heart. They were perfect together. Unfortunately, in reality, they grew to hate each other by the end, but onscreen, they were fire. I will never not love Caskett.

Lukola is my one and only real-world ship, and I will never not love them. Unless they really blow it with too much BTS fuckery. I feel as if they are continually jerking me around and playing games, and I’ve been A-OK with that as long as I knew where it was headed. I was willing to ride the waves of the choppy seas because I knew where the ship was sailing and I loved the destination. I didn’t begrudge them hiding behind PR fakery (or fuckery) because I had faith it was in the best interest of their careers, privacy, and more recently (once I settled into my personal opinion regarding the delicate matter), their family.

That may yet be the case. And if it is, I am 100% there for it.

But if it’s not, if Antonia ends up being a real relationship, that’s going to be very, very hard for me to accept. I’ll do my best to stay the course for Luke as an actor, but the side I see of him as someone dating her is not the same good guy he sold us on the tour. Not the same sweet Colin-alike that the cast has told us he is. Not the same perfect man Nic has told us he is. Because the choice to be with her – based on what I know of her (as well as her youth) — reflects poorly on him, in my opinion. I’m not sure about his “treatment” of her because there’s so much we don’t see and a lot of assumptions are made on that front. But simply based on who she has shown herself to be through her posts and the jobs she’s taken, I can’t respect the choice. I would accept him with many people who aren’t Nicola, but not her.

And my feelings about Nicola would also be dented because she’s posted so many of the crumbs that have (intentionally) kept me hanging on. And if, by some strange twist, she is dating Jake, well… I have a higher opinion of Jake than Antonia. I have no real issue with Jake. From what little I’ve seen of him speaking, he seems like a good kid, earnest about his work, maybe even sweet. But like Antonia, he’s so young. Setting aside aside all the other reasons I don’t believe they’re dating, he’s still 13-14 years younger than her, and just starting out while she’s sailing the heights. I have to be honest and say that the age difference and the power differential do make me uncomfortable.

Her relationships are still not my business. Nor are Luke’s. But as a consumer of media, I do get to have feelings about the people I stan and where I choose to devote my energies. As I said, Lukola has been my one and only ship. I’ve loved them individually as well, but if I’ve been played for a prolonged time, if they’ve been stringing me along with a fake ship, how can that not sour me on them as individuals?

So, yes, if these particular, adjacent relationships are real, my respect for each of them will take a hit. But they can date other people. I’ll get over it. I’ll be disappointed. I’ll think they’ve missed out because they clearly have something truly unique and special, maybe more unique than either of them realizes yet. I still believe they’ve gotten together at some point, but if they’ve now moved on, I’ll sigh and move on as well. And hope that one day, they find their way back to each other where they belong. That’s what endgame means, after all.

However, I will say again that I am not yet entirely convinced that the adjacents are anything more than I’ve long thought they were, decoys and distractions. Or that these latest hits to the ship (the mom comment, Nicola’s interview, and the “hard launch”) are anything more than ramped up efforts to camouflage the truth at a crucial time.

But the one thing that is crystal clear is that they want us to back the fuck off. Whether it’s out of a time-sensitive need for greater professional separation for career reasons (awards consideration chief among them) and greater privacy for family reasons… or because it’s actually true that they are not together at this time… either way, they’ve clearly decided to shut down the shipping this past week.

And this brings me back to Castle. If you know Castle, then you know there was a long-running throughline story about who murdered Kate’s (aka Beckett’s) mother. For years, Kate was obsessed with finding who was responsible and what happened, and more than once, that fierce dedication led her to go too far on the job. She’d stay on cases when she had a clear conflict, she’d hide things from her superiors, she’d go rushing into danger in a ruthless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, this behavior eventually led to a suspension even though she was the best detective in the precinct. But instead of accepting the suspension, Kate tossed down her badge and quit, because OBVIOUSLY, she was going to go right on investigating privately.

So, am I going to pull a Kate Beckett and charge forward, despite every warning, to investigate every lead until I get the truth? No matter what it costs to me or those I love (namely, Lukola)? Or will I sadly accept my suspension, hang my head, and take some time at home to catch up on my Netflix until the clock runs out? Hmm… Maybe, a little of both?

Here’s what I’m going to do. Keep watching. Keep collecting information, analyzing, and seeing how I think the picture most clearly takes shape. And I will keep sharing my thoughts with all of you.

But since they want us to back off, I will slow roll those observations. For my part (NPC that I am), I will politely take a step back and give them the time that I believe they need for certain very specific reasons. If they need folks like me to back off, then I will. At least for now. And I’ll see what the next couple of months bring.

At some point down the line, depending on how things shake out, I may feel comfortable going full force again with my thoughts and opinions. But right now, it’s my belief that there are things important enough that I’m willing to take a step back to support them, because my intention has only ever been to share my thoughts and bolster the spirits of my fellow shippers. Never to harm Lukola.

In the meantime, I won’t disappear entirely. I may blog a little less, and maybe shift a bit to lovely Polin. Or maybe I’ll end up blogging more with short, fun stuff in lieu of the analysis. Who knows? Got to keep busy somehow, at least unless or until I decide to step off the ship entirely.

Actually, now that I think about it, it may be time to rewatch Castle. At least I know Caskett will never let me down.

#nicola coughlan #luke newton #lukola #nicluke #just my opinion #just my thoughts

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unabletonotlovesatoru · 3 days ago

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“ interlinked ”

.°⋆🖇₊ synopsis: nanami kento, a hardened field agent, has his world flipped upside down when his friend shoko gifts him a recently developed android after an injury sidelines him. you, designed with advanced ai, are curious and eager to learn about human emotions, but as you form a bond with nanami, he begins to feel something deeper for you. though he struggles with you being an android, your connection grows as you navigate moments of tenderness, confusion, and quiet affection. can a human truly love something that isn’t? and will your bond survive the impossible choices that lie ahead?

.°⋆🖇₊ tl;dr: non-curse au! where nanami is an agent, working for government’s protective services, and you are a newly developed android, gifted to him to take care of him.

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ teddy’s notes: GUYSSS PLEASE GIVE THIS A CHANCE!!! i put a lot of effort and time into writing this, no joke, this is also a love letter to nanami heheh. also cr to the artist on the banner.

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ content warning(s): wc 16,764(wowzer), angst, fluff, soo much angst and fluff, slow burn, NSFW, nanami does a lot of paperwork, also you’re a clueless cutie and discovering the world. yes nanami has sex with android!you, when referring to you “she/her” is used by other people in the story, this is just a fantasy guys don’t take this seriously!! also kind of a character death. enjoy!!

“you won’t be able to get away like you did last time, you know?” a lengthy exhale escaped shoko’s chest, the string of words muttering under her breath as she examined the scar on the left side of his face.

nanami ignored her words, the only indication of him hearing the doctor’s words being the deepening crease between his brows. instead, he focused on the white wall in front of him, finding it a lot more interesting than he did two weeks ago when he first woke up in this room, in the medical wing of his agency’s headquarters.

“nanami,” she tried again, gloved hands tilting his head towards herself as she gave him an exasperated look. “haibara will be suspended too if he provides you with information on upcoming missions.”

he clicked his tongue in irritation as he gently pushed her hands away from himself, letting out a heavy sigh. well, shit.

the “last time” shoko was talking about was about 2 months ago, when he unknowingly acquired a concussion and internal bleeding in his abdomen, and despite shoko’s and director yaga’s instructions to not go out of his home for at least 10 days nanami managed to sneak out into some of the missions. how did he know anything about missions? haibara, of course.

convincing his long-time friend and colleague to send him any documents was not a hard task, especially since haibara had a soft spot for him ever since their training days, and he also worked in the tech department of the headquarters. but if he gets suspended too, nanami will feel extremely guilty since yuu enjoyed his work too much to be away from it.

nanami’s gaze lingered on shoko, his curiosity piqued by the strange look she wore as she discarded her gloves. she seemed to have something on her mind, but she was keeping it to herself. he raised a brow, waiting for her to speak.

finally, after a brief pause, shoko let out a soft sigh, pushing her hair back. “besides, i have something for you. something that will keep you busy.”

nanami’s expression shifted, his interest fading into mild skepticism. the last time someone had “something” for him, it was gojo sending him three overzealous trainees who, despite their good intentions, nearly drove him to the edge with their incessant questions and their complete lack of self-awareness. it had been an exhausting day.

he clicked his tongue, a mix of frustration and exhaustion, but he wasn’t about to interrupt her.

shoko’s lips quirked, clearly aware of his thoughts. “i’ll have it delivered to your place this evening, okay? you can leave in a couple of hours. i’ll call you.”

the door clicked shut behind her, and the familiar mix of her perfume and the faint scent of cigarettes lingered in the air. nanami stared at the spot where she had just been, already dreading whatever this new “thing” was that would keep him busy.

he was used to being alone. as a spy working for the agency, he had spent years living a life that required solitude. but this recent injury had taken him out of action, and yes, shoko had told him to rest, but his body couldn’t seem to listen. it didn’t help that his work was piling up, and he couldn’t bear the thought of being idle.

nanami’s gaze lingered on the door where shoko had just exited, a frown settling deeper into his face. there was something unsettling about the idea of “keeping busy” when his body was clearly telling him to rest. it felt wrong, like a futile attempt to ignore the reality of his injury. but that was how it always was for him—work never stopped, even when his body gave out.

as a field agent, nanami had learned early on to push past his limits, to always be ready, always be on alert. he had built his life around constant movement, constant action. this forced stillness was a foreign concept to him.

he ran a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. despite his exhaustion, his mind raced with the mounting pile of tasks waiting for him. reports, mission updates, case files—all of it screamed at him, even as his body ached to do nothing.

being idle wasn’t something he was used to. the stillness of it felt suffocating, like something inside of him was slowly crumbling. and that guilt gnawed at him. after all, the agency’s work never ceased, and he was one of its best agents. who was he if he couldn’t even fulfill his own responsibilities?

nanami had always been the type to push himself, to power through any obstacle no matter how much it hurt. so this forced rest, this lingering sense of helplessness, was unsettling.

his fingers drummed on the arm of the chair, a faint twitch of frustration building inside him. he didn’t have time for this.

“nanami, you’re overworking yourself,” shoko had said earlier, her voice sharp but caring. “and you’re no use to the agency if you’re in no condition to work. so i’m sending you something.”

nanami had expected paperwork or maybe a more practical solution to keep him occupied, but what she delivered was… you.

you stood in the doorway, a mechanical precision to your movements as you glanced up at him with wide eyes. you were beautiful—almost too human to be real. your face was flawless, with soft features that belied your true nature. the only thing that set you apart from an ordinary person was the small glowing circle on your temple. it was the only indicator that you weren’t like other people.

“this is your new… companion,” shoko had explained, clearly amused by his expression. “she’s an android. and i’m leaving her with you for the time being.”

nanami had stared at you, feeling a strange mix of annoyance and disbelief. “you’re giving me… an android? to take care of?” he had asked, his voice flat.

“yes,” shoko had replied casually. “she’s highly advanced—an AI designed to assist you. and she’s a lot more self-aware than you might think. don’t worry, you’ll find that she’s harmless.”

you had watched him closely, your head tilting slightly in that curious, almost childlike way. nanami hadn’t known what to make of you. he just knew that you looked so real you could be mistaken for a young woman: soft-looking hair sitting atop your shoulders, dressed in a simple modest dress and a pair of sneakers, a bag thrown over your shoulders. but if someone looked closer they’d definitely see the unnatural way in which your mechanics hummed, a sound so faint nanami only heard it in the dead silence of the moment, and the glowing circle on your temple, slightly covered by your hair.

shoko looked proud as she presented you to him: a wide smirk on her face as she eagerly explained all of your functions to him while you stood there, attentive look on your face as you observed shoko.

nanami’s exasperation seeped through his pores as he gave shoko a disturbed look.

—

for the first couple of days after you arrived, nanami avoided you as much as possible. he had never been good at being around people, and now that you were here, in his space, it felt even more overwhelming. your presence was constant, your soft mechanical steps and the sound of your voice whenever you tried to engage with him.

you would ask him questions—simple ones at first, like how his day had gone or what his favorite food was—but he would only grunt in response or give you brief, noncommittal answers. he’d keep his head down, focusing on anything but you, pretending not to notice when you stood in the doorway watching him, your gaze unwavering.

you tried again and again to draw him out of his shell, always polite, always curious, but there was a wall between the two of you that he wasn’t sure how to bridge. it frustrated him.

you never seemed to give up, though.

one evening, after he’d returned from a brief walk to clear his head, you had asked, “do you always stay so quiet when you’re thinking?”

nanami froze in his tracks. you had appeared from the kitchen, staring at him with that same inquisitive expression.

“sometimes,” he muttered, brushing past you without meeting your eyes.

you trailed after him, stepping into the living room where he dropped his bag. “but aren’t you lonely?”

“no,” he said, a little more curt than he intended, but the words had come out before he could stop them.

you didn’t flinch. you just tilted your head and observed him, as if trying to figure out if there was something more beneath his response.

—

over the next few days, you continued your attempts, slowly shifting from simple questions to more personal ones. sometimes, when he would sit at the kitchen table, you’d sit nearby, watching him as you fiddled with a cup or toyed with a random object. sometimes you did attempt to make a conversation, but nanami thought it was just your curiosity getting the better of you since you didn’t even know how most of his kitchen was used.

he found it irritating at first, but soon enough, it became clear that you weren’t going to leave him alone, no matter how much he tried to distance himself. no matter how much he tried to convince shoko that this was a bad idea by giving him the same report every couple of days, she was just as relentless as you in your desire to discover what the real world was like. a goddamn android in his house.

on the tenth day, something new happened.

nanami was sitting at his desk, buried under the usual mountain of paperwork that had piled up over the past few days. it had been an exhausting few days for him—his rehabilitation from previous injury keeping him from doing the work he was used to, leaving him with hours of reports to catch up on. you, however, were sitting quietly by the window, your eyes scanning the world outside with an intensity that nanami hadn’t noticed before.

he was so used to the quiet of the apartment now that the silence between you didn’t seem strange. but today, something felt different. it was the way you were looking out the window, your gaze focused and eager, like you were trying to take in everything at once.

he didn’t think much of it at first, too lost in his own thoughts as he flipped through papers. but then, he heard it—your voice, soft but insistent, breaking the quiet.

“nanami,” you said, drawing his attention away from the documents. “can we go outside?”

he blinked, surprised by the request. his eyes flicked to you, noting how your posture seemed a little more expectant than usual.

“outside?” he repeated, trying to process it. “you’ve been here for days. you never said anything about wanting to go outside.”

you tilted your head, your gaze thoughtful, almost like you were piecing together something he couldn’t quite understand. “i’ve never been on a walk,” you added, your voice slightly quieter now, a hint of uncertainty in your tone. “i don’t know what it’s like. i want to see it. the world, i mean.”

he furrowed his brow, confusion mixing with a touch of concern. “but… you’ve never—”

“no,” you interrupted, your eyes bright with curiosity. “i’ve only seen what’s outside from here. not really been out in it.”

for a moment, nanami wasn’t sure how to respond. his first instinct was to make an excuse, to keep you inside and maintain the status quo. it was easier that way, after all. but then, the thought of you stuck inside, day after day, with no real experience of the world outside nagged at him.

he exhaled, his shoulders slumping. “fine. i’ll take you outside for a bit.”

your face lit up at the approval, a smile spreading across your face. “thank you, nanami!”

he couldn’t help but feel a little odd about the whole thing. he hadn’t expected you to ask for something like this. but he stood, grabbed his jacket, and headed toward the door, motioning for you to follow. for a second, he looked back, and your dress looked way too thin for the chilly weather, so he gently secured another one of his jackets around your shoulders, which made you stare up at him curiously, confused. probably because you didn’t really understand the weather being colder, but he clothed you more for his own comfort.

outside, the world felt different to him—calmer, quieter. the usual hum of city life was in the background, but with you beside him, everything seemed to shift in small, subtle ways.

you took in the air, your gaze wandering from the leaves blowing in the wind to the way the light danced across the pavement. you seemed so focused, so curious about everything, it was almost as if you were discovering the world for the first time.

“this is… amazing,” you murmured to yourself, your voice full of wonder as you looked around. “so much to see.”

nanami glanced at you, his expression softening as he watched you take everything in. the way your eyes followed the movement of birds flying overhead, how you stepped carefully around a fallen leaf on the ground as if studying it closely—there was a fascination in your movements that he couldn’t ignore.

as you walked down the street, you stopped suddenly when you spotted a dog trotting down the sidewalk. your face lit up with pure joy.

“look, nanami!” you exclaimed, kneeling down to get a closer look at the dog, which eagerly wagged its tail in response. “it’s so cute!”

nanami watched from a few paces behind, feeling a small smile tug at the corner of his lips.

“yeah,” he said quietly, though he wasn’t sure if he was talking about the dog, “it is.”

you continued to pet the dog for a moment before standing up, a thoughtful expression crossing your face. “do you think we could get one?” you asked, eyes sparkling.

he hesitated. “a dog?”

“yeah. they seem like they’d be fun to have around. they’re so friendly and happy,” you explained, your voice full of sincerity.

he chuckled lightly, but there was a warmth in his chest as he watched you. “maybe one day. but dogs are a lot of work.”

you nodded, your expression serious as if you were processing this new information. “i see,” you said softly, almost to yourself.

the walk continued in peaceful silence until you both passed a small park. there was a couple sitting on a picnic blanket, laughing and sharing food. you stopped in your tracks, captivated by their interaction.

“they look so… happy,” you observed quietly, eyes following the couple as they joked and fed each other small bites of food. “is that what it’s like? to be happy with someone?”

nanami was caught off guard by the question, and for a moment, he was unsure of how to answer.

he looked over at the couple, watching them interact with ease, before glancing back at you.

“yes,” he replied softly, his voice unusually gentle. “i guess that’s what it’s like.”

you seemed to take this in, nodding slowly as you looked back at the couple. “maybe one day, i’ll understand what that feels like,” you said, your voice quiet, yet hopeful.

nanami stopped walking, his gaze lingering on you for a moment. he didn't respond right away. instead, he simply reached out and adjusted the collar of your jacket, making sure you’re warm enough. there was something in the way you were absorbing the world, your innocent curiosity and quiet wonder, that made him realize how much he’d missed by staying so closed off.

“maybe one day,” he echoed, a small smile tugging at his lips. “but for now, let’s just enjoy this walk.”

you nodded, the disappointment fading from your expression as you continued walking by his side, taking in the world around you.

as the two of you wandered through the park, nanami couldn’t help but notice how different everything seemed with you beside him. it was a slow, calm afternoon, the light shifting as the sun dipped lower in the sky, and the sound of birdsong filled the air.

for the first time in days, nanami felt something he couldn’t quite explain—a quiet peace, a sense of connection that he hadn’t felt in a long time. watching you discover the world, seeing your joy in the little things, made him realize that maybe there was more to life than just the constant grind of work.

as you continued walking, the day seemed to slow down in a way that felt peaceful. watching you discover all these new things, taking in the world with such joy and openness, filled nanami with a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.

it was a small walk, a simple moment in time, but it was the kind of peace he didn’t know he needed.

—

the following evening, nanami found himself looking at you differently. your persistence, your kindness—it wasn’t just an act. you were trying, in your own way, to connect with him, to offer him something that he hadn’t realized he needed.

it wasn’t much, but it was enough for him to begin lowering the wall he had built around himself.

and so, he started to talk to you more. it wasn’t forced, and it wasn’t immediate, but the cracks in his armor slowly began to appear, day by day.

one night, as he sat at the desk in the corner, working through another batch of reports, you approached him once more.

“can i ask you a question, nanami?”

he glanced over at you. “go ahead.”

you didn’t hesitate. “do you think i could ever understand what it means to be human?”

it was an innocent question, and it made him pause. he didn’t have an answer at first, but something about it stuck with him. the way you asked, so earnestly, so unsure, made him realize just how far you’d come since the first day he’d met you.

he leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. “maybe you can’t fully understand what it’s like to be human,” he said slowly, “but you’re closer than you think.”

you blinked at him, your head tilting slightly in that curious, innocent way.

but in the weeks that followed, he started to realize something: you weren’t just a machine. not in the way you interacted with him. not in the way you asked questions and felt things. even though you didn’t quite understand everything about the world, you had a genuine curiosity about life that slowly began to break through his walls.

at first, it was the little things. one day, he was sitting at his desk, working through the endless paperwork that had been piling up since his suspension. you stood in the doorway, watching him intently.

“nanami,” you said softly, your voice cutting through the silence. “why do you always look so serious when you’re working?”

nanami looked up at you, startled. “i’m not serious. i’m just… working.”

you blinked, clearly confused. “but why do you look unhappy when you’re doing it?”

he paused, unsure how to answer that. you were right, but he hadn’t realized how obvious his stress was. he let out a quiet sigh. “i guess it’s just… my job. it’s a lot of pressure.”

“i don’t understand,” you said, stepping closer, your voice quiet. “i thought you enjoyed your work.”

he rubbed the back of his neck, his expression softening slightly. “it’s not always enjoyable. but… i do it because it’s important.”

you nodded, your face thoughtful. “i think… i understand now.”

there was a pause before you added, “maybe i can help you.”

nanami looked at you, taken aback by the suggestion. “help me?”

“yes,” you said, your voice full of determination. “i can help you with your work. i’m designed to learn quickly.”

he chuckled softly. “you’re a bit too eager, aren’t you?”

but despite himself, he found the offer comforting. it wasn’t just your logic that had struck him—it was the way you genuinely wanted to make things easier for him. well, it was your purpose, kind of, you were still an artificial intelligence designed to be helpful like every other AI, and somehow, it made him feel… less alone.

—

over time, your presence became more than just a distraction. you began to fill the quiet spaces in his life, and while nanami had tried to resist the connection between you, he couldn’t ignore how much you did care. little things—like the way you asked about his day, or how you tried to mimic human behavior, even if you didn’t fully understand it—brought something out in him. he started to look forward to your company.

one day, after you had watched him eat without comment for what felt like an eternity, you suddenly asked, “what does it taste like? food, i mean.”

nanami paused mid-bite, his chopsticks hovering in the air. he glanced at you, his brow slightly furrowed. “you want to know what it tastes like?”

you nodded earnestly. “yes. i’ve read about it. i just don’t understand it.”

he set his chopsticks down, regarding you with mild curiosity. you were always observing, always analyzing, but this was different. there was a sincerity in your voice, a quiet kind of wonder, and it made him hesitate.

“well,” he said after a moment, reaching for his plate, “you can try it. but… i don’t think it’s going to be as exciting for you as it is for me.”

he tore off a small piece of meat and held it out to you. you took it carefully, cradling it in your palm like it was something delicate, precious. nanami found himself watching you more closely than he intended to as you lifted it to your mouth.

your first bite was slow, deliberate. you chewed once. twice. then, your entire expression twisted into confusion.

your brows knitted together, your lips pressing into a thin line before you suddenly stopped, staring down at the food on his plate like it had betrayed you.

“this doesn’t feel right,” you said finally, your voice tinged with something close to disappointment. “it doesn’t… taste the way you describe it.”

nanami let out a quiet chuckle, unable to help himself. “yeah, that’s because you don’t have a stomach,” he said, resting his chin against his palm. “you can’t digest anything.”

your eyes widened slightly, as if this realization had never occurred to you before. “oh,” you said, then quickly grabbed a napkin and spat the food out with a look of mild horror.

nanami couldn’t stop the amused huff that left him. you were so logical about everything, and yet, this simple fact had completely eluded you.

“so i can’t enjoy food at all?” you asked, inspecting the half-chewed piece like it might suddenly reveal its secrets to you.

“no,” he said, shaking his head. “you can appreciate it, but not in the same way humans do.”

you fell silent, mulling over his words. your gaze flickered to his plate, watching as he picked up his chopsticks again.

“that’s unfortunate,” you murmured. “people seem to love food.”

nanami hummed in agreement, taking another bite. “they do.”

you tilted your head slightly, thoughtful. “but i don’t need it. i don’t need to eat to survive.”

“no,” he said, watching as you sat back, seeming to accept this truth.

you nodded once, decisive, and nanami found himself strangely endeared by the sight.

“i suppose that’s okay,” you said finally.

for the first time, nanami smiled at you—just a small, fleeting thing. maybe you weren’t so bad to have around after all.

—

after a long day of work, nanami had gone to take a shower. his body ached from hours spent at his desk, muscles stiff from sitting too long, and the hot water was the only relief he could look forward to. he had just stepped under the stream, eyes closed, savoring the warmth that eased the tension from his shoulders, when he heard the bathroom door creak open.

he turned his head slightly, expecting nothing, only to see you standing in the doorway, watching him with open interest.

nanami stiffened instantly, every ounce of exhaustion vanishing as a new kind of tension took over. his hand tightened over the shower curtain as he tugged it close enough to cover at least half of his body, although it seemed like your sharp eyes could see right through it.

“nanami,” you asked, tilting your head, “why are you not wearing clothes? don’t you need them?”

his entire body locked up. water ran down his face, dripping from his jaw, but suddenly, the heat of the shower felt like nothing compared to the warmth creeping up his neck.

“you’re… asking why i’m naked?” he repeated, his voice flatter than intended.

you nodded, your face as neutral as ever. “yes. isn’t it cold without them?”

nanami exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “it’s a shower, people take them naked.”

you blinked, processing. “i see.” there was a brief pause before you added, “can i join you?”

he choked on his own breath, turning fully to face you. “what?”

“i’m waterproof,” you explained matter-of-factly, taking a small step forward. “and i’ve never taken a shower before. i’d like to experience it.”

nanami gaped at you, at your complete lack of hesitation, at the way you spoke as if this was the most logical request in the world. he struggled to form words, his mind caught between telling you no and trying to find an explanation that would make sense to you.

but before he could protest, you casually reached for the hem of your clothes and stripped them off without a hint of shame or second thought.

nanami turned away so fast he nearly slipped.

“wh– for god’s sake—” he swore under his breath, pressing a hand over his face, forcing himself to stare at the wall. his ears burned. “you— at least ask before you just—”

“i did ask,” you pointed out, stepping into the shower. warm water hit your skin, instantly dampening your hair, and you looked up at him expectantly. “you didn’t say no.”

nanami dragged a hand down his face. this was a nightmare. this was his nightmare.

he forced himself to glance at you from the corner of his eye, but that only made things worse. despite the water making your hair stick to your skin, there was something undeniably pretty about the way you stood under the stream, droplets trailing down the curves of your body. it wasn’t supposed to affect him. you were a machine, an artificial creation, and yet—

he clenched his jaw and willed his thoughts away.

“does it feel nice?” you asked, turning your face up toward the water, letting it run over your closed eyelids.

nanami cleared his throat, focusing very intently on rinsing the shampoo from his own hair. “it’s… warm,” he said simply, trying to keep his tone even. “that’s all.”

you hummed in thought, your fingers running through your soaked strands as if testing their weight. then, after a beat of silence, you spoke again—soft, almost hesitant this time.

“can you help me with my hair?”

nanami paused, blinking down at you. you looked up at him, waiting, your expression calm but expectant.

he should’ve said no. he should’ve let you figure it out on your own. but for some reason, his hand was already reaching for the shampoo.

“…fine,” he muttered, stepping behind you.

his fingers slipped into your hair, slow and deliberate. the lather formed easily, and he worked through the strands carefully, detangling them as he went. he had never done this for anyone before, never imagined he would, and yet—there was something oddly intimate about it. the way you stood so still, trusting, the quiet hum of the water filling the space between you.

when he rinsed the shampoo out, your eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. you looked like a doll; so serene, so at peace, and for a brief, fleeting moment, nanami let himself admire the sight.

when the shower ended and you both stepped out, nanami felt an odd weight in the air. you were standing in front of the mirror, holding a brush awkwardly, and he couldn't help but notice how damp your hair stuck to your skin, how close you stood to him.

you had towel-dried your hair as best you could, but the strands were still damp, clinging together in places. you ran the brush through them with mechanical precision, but every so often, the bristles snagged on a knot, and you would pause, assessing the situation like it was a puzzle you didn’t quite understand.

you tried to brush through your hair, but your movements were stiff, clearly unfamiliar with how to do it properly. nanami couldn't help but notice the tiny frown on your face as the brush kept getting caught in your hair.

"give me that," he said softly, taking the brush from your hand.

you turned to face him, waiting patiently as he moved behind you. his hands were careful, his fingers brushing over the strands as he began to untangle them. there was something oddly intimate in the way he worked through your hair, the rhythmic motion of his hands soothing both of you.

after a few minutes of silence, you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper. "i like this. you're good at it."

nanami paused, fingers stilling in your hair for a moment. his chest tightened at your words. he wasn't used to being complimented like this, especially not in such a soft, vulnerable moment. with you smelling of his shower gel and his hair shampoo and looking so pretty.

"thanks," he said, his voice low.

he finished brushing your hair, running his fingers through the silky strands one last time before stepping back.

when you looked at him through the mirror, there was a look in your eyes— something tender, something soft-that he couldn't quite place.

"i like you, nanami," you said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

his breath hitched, and for a moment, he stood frozen, unsure of how to respond. the words you had just spoken were simple, but they meant something deeper than you realized. and as much as he wanted to act like everything was fine, the truth was, it wasn't.

he finally let out a breath, a small smile tugging at his lips. "yeah," he murmured, "i like you too."

and for a second, everything felt like it had shifted in a way he couldn't explain.

—

later that night, nanami sat on the couch, papers scattered around him as he tried to focus on the pile of work in front of him. the dim light of the living room lamp barely illuminated the scene, but it didn’t matter. you were beside him, flicking through channels without much interest until a random movie caught your attention.

it wasn't anything special, just a romance movie that seemed to have a scene where two characters were kissing. you had never seen anything like it before, and now, your full attention was fixed on the screen, wide-eyed as you watched the couple's lips meet.

nanami couldn't help but glance at you from the corner of his eye. you seemed so absorbed in the scene, your curiosity almost palpable.

"what's it like to kiss someone?" you asked suddenly, completely breaking the silence between you.

he froze, his pen still hovering above the paper, his thoughts scattering. the question was so unexpected, and the innocence in your voice made it feel even more striking.

"uh..." he started, trying to gather his thoughts, but his mind felt foggy. "it's... hard to explain. it's like... a connection. something that makes you forget everything around you for a while."

you turned to him, blinking, as if processing his words carefully. "is it really that important?"

nanami bit his lip, hesitant. his eyes flickered back to the movie on the screen, where the kiss was lingering longer than he was comfortable with.

"for some people, yeah. it can be."

you paused, then tilted your head slightly, an inquisitive look on your face.

"can i try?"

the question hung in the air, and for a brief moment, nanami's heart skipped a beat. wait, what?

you were looking at him with such curiosity, those wide eyes filled with something he couldn't quite place. for a split second, he considered refusing. this is... weird. she's an android. she's not supposed to feel like this.

but then, as if on instinct, he found himself leaning in, his lips brushing yours, so soft and tentative at first. it was the strangest thing-like something deep inside him had just been unlocked. his hands hovered near your face, unsure of what to do. he was fighting it, trying to keep his cool, but he couldn't help the desire that surged through him.

you kissed him back, slow at first, then with more certainty. it was sweet, innocent, and yet there was something raw in it, something that made his pulse quicken. the world around them seemed to disappear, leaving only the two of them in that small moment, the taste of your lips lingering on his.

when you pulled away, your eyes were wide, a mix of surprise and curiosity. "is that what it's supposed to feel like?"

nanami swallowed hard, his heart racing in his chest. what is this? he thought, trying to ground himself. "yeah. exactly that."

but the air between them had shifted. the kiss was innocent at first, but now there was an undeniable heat between them, a charged energy that neither of them could ignore. nanami found himself leaning in again, unable to stop himself. this time, it was more urgent, more desperate. his hands gently cupped your face, his thumb brushing your cheek as he kissed you deeper.

it had been so long since nanami had been close to anyone, intimate in any real way. the days of fleeting moments with people who never truly understood him seemed like a distant memory, and with that, his need—his longing— had only grown stronger, now, with you, everything felt different. he didn't know how to handle it, the weight of the feeling pressing on him. the tender touch of your lips on his sent a shiver down his spine, stirring something inside him that he hadn't allowed himself to feel in years. it was overwhelming, yet intoxicating.

you kissed him back, the heat building between you, your fingers sliding up his shirt, tracing the lines of his chest as he deepened the kiss further. nanami's heart was pounding in his chest as the kiss grew more heated, his body pressing closer to yours, the warmth from the shower and the electricity in the air making everything feel more intense.

for a moment, nanami forgot about the world, about everything that didn't matter. it was just you, just the way your lips felt against his, and the way your hands clung to him like you didn't want to let go.

he didn't know where this would lead, but for once, he didn't care. he wasn't going to fight it. you had broken through his walls, and the connection he'd been avoiding—he felt it now, clear and real.

he pulled back just enough to catch his breath, his forehead resting against yours. "this is... i don't know where it's going, but..." he trailed off, unable to put it into words.

"i like it," you whispered, your voice soft but sincere.

nanami smiled softly, his hands still resting on your face, his thumb tracing your lips. "me too."

—

“nanami… do you sleep like this?” you asked. “on the bed? all night?”

he looked up at you, surprised. “yeah… that’s how it works. why?”

“well,” you began, shifting nervously. “i usually just go into sleep mode on the couch. i don’t… sleep the way you do.”

he gave you an unreadable look, his mind working over your words. after a moment of silence, he sighed. “fine. you can sleep here tonight.”

you smiled, your eyes lighting up, and you carefully crawled into bed beside him, your form stiff as you settled. nanami couldn’t help but watch you for a while, studying how you adjusted to the bed. eventually, his eyes grew heavy, and he felt the warmth of your presence pulling him closer, though he still kept a little distance.

but as the night wore on, he found himself subconsciously inching closer. when he woke up the next morning, his arm had somehow found its way around you, pulling you into a soft embrace. your head rested against his chest, and for a moment, neither of you moved.

you stirred, your voice quiet and unsure. “is this… what it’s like? to be held?”

nanami didn’t answer right away. he was too lost in the comfort of the moment. “yeah,” he said eventually, his voice low. “it feels… good.”

it’s been a while since nanami felt less alone. he was holding someone—you—and it felt like the right thing to do. but even though he felt a strange comfort in your presence, he couldn’t ignore the conflicted feelings swirling inside him.

because for you, it felt good too. too good to be ignored.

—

nanami was exhausted. his body ached, his mind was clouded with too many reports and too many thoughts, and all he wanted was sleep. you, as usual, were next to him, sitting quietly, your form curled up on the couch. after a moment of silent contemplation, he finally decided to rest, scooting closer to you as he stretched out on the couch, his arm lazily draping over you.

“kento?” you asked softly, breaking the silence, your voice gentle but curious.

“mm?” he murmured in response, barely registering your words, his exhaustion getting the best of him.

you had been quietly watching him, taking in his relaxed features, how the tension seemed to melt away when he finally allowed himself to rest. it was a soft moment, the kind that felt rare to nanami—so caught up in the chaos of life, he rarely allowed himself to just exist. but tonight, he was here, with you. you seemed almost entranced by the peaceful expression on his face, the way his eyelids fluttered in his sleep.

“i think… i like calling you ‘kento.’ is that okay?” you asked, your voice soft, like it was a secret just between the two of you.

nanami was so tired, his eyelids heavy, that he only half-heard you, but the sound of your voice felt comforting, grounding him in the moment. it made his heart flutter in a way he couldn’t explain. he shifted, pulling you closer, his arm tightening around your waist as he mumbled, “yeah… call me kento… or… whatever you want. i don’t mind.” his words were slurred with drowsiness, but there was a softness in his voice that you hadn’t heard before.

“okay, kento,” you whispered, your hand gently brushing his chest in a comforting gesture.

he barely noticed as you tucked yourself against him, your breath slow and steady as you powered down into low-power mode, like you always did when you rested. his eyes flickered open for a moment, and he caught a brief glance of you watching him before your system slowly switched off.

kento, he thought as his mind drifted to sleep, his heart strangely light.

he had always kept his distance, always thought he didn’t need anyone. but with you—this strange, beautiful being who saw him so clearly—it felt different. and for the first time in a long time, he allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as alone as he had once thought.

—

one morning, nanami was preparing his usual cup of coffee, the scent filling the quiet kitchen. you stood by, watching him intently, your curiosity evident as you watched him pour hot water over the ground beans. he glanced over at you, half-smiling.

“what’s so interesting?” he asked, his voice still a little groggy.

you tilted your head. “it’s just… the steam. it looks like it’s alive. can i try it?”

he raised an eyebrow, surprised. “the coffee?”

“no,” you replied, your expression serious. “the steam. it moves. is it a kind of… breathing?”

nanami chuckled softly, shaking his head. “no, it’s just hot water turning into vapor. it’s not alive.”

you stared at the steam, clearly fascinated, before your eyes went wide with a realization. “oh, i think i understand! it’s like… magic, but with water.”

he couldn’t help the fond smile that tugged at his lips. “yeah, sure. magic with water.”

you grinned, happy to have figured it out, and for a moment, nanami felt warmth spread through his chest. it was these little moments—these simple exchanges—that made the house feel less lonely.

—

after another long day of work, nanami sank into his couch, the weight of his exhaustion pressing heavily on his shoulders. the light in the room was dim, the flickering of the tv the only sound besides the soft rustling of papers he had set aside. he hadn’t even noticed you sitting quietly beside him until you gently nudged his arm.

“are you… okay?” you asked, your voice soft, filled with a tenderness that caught him off guard. your hand lightly rested on his arm, an unspoken comfort.

he glanced down at you, slightly taken aback by the concern in your tone. it was such a small, simple gesture, but something about it felt different. something in him shifted. “yeah, just tired,” he replied, his voice a little hoarse, the exhaustion in his body evident in the way he slouched into the couch.

you stayed silent for a moment, studying him closely. then, without saying a word, you slowly reached over and rested your head on his shoulder, your hair brushing against his skin. nanami froze for a moment, feeling the gentle pressure of your weight, the warmth of your touch. he hadn’t expected this, but it felt… soothing.

“you seem sad,” you said softly, your voice almost a whisper. “what does that feel like?”

nanami blinked in surprise, his chest tightening at your words. no one had asked him that in a long time, not like you had. he swallowed, trying to find the right words. “it’s like… a weight. like everything is just heavier. harder to deal with.”

you lifted your head slightly, eyes full of genuine curiosity, your gaze never leaving him. “then, can i help make it lighter?”

his heart softened at your words, and for a moment, he just sat there, caught in the warmth of your presence. it was hard to explain, but being with you, having you near him, made the world feel a little less heavy. he didn’t know how you did it, but somehow, you always knew what to say, when to say it.

he finally exhaled a long breath, his hand instinctively moving to your back, his fingers lightly brushing over your clothing in a gesture of reassurance. “yeah, you can. just… stay close,” he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur.

without hesitation, you shifted, sliding closer to him. your body pressed up against his side, and the warmth of you spread through him like a comforting blanket. your hand found his, and you gently held it, intertwining your fingers. the simple act felt like a lifeline, grounding him in a way he didn’t expect. he looked down at your hand, the warmth of your touch radiating through him, before looking back at you.

for a long moment, neither of you said anything. you stayed there, close to him, just being there in the quiet, and nanami couldn’t help but feel a wave of calm wash over him. you didn’t need to say anything more, didn’t need to offer words of comfort. just your presence, the way you held him close, was enough to make him feel a little less weighed down by the world.

he sighed, his hand squeezing yours gently, the faintest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips. “thank you,” he murmured, voice soft with gratitude. he didn’t say it often, but in that moment, it was the only thing that felt right.

—

maybe he shouldn’t have listened to you, maybe he should’ve just left you home because despite knowing what could happen, nanami reluctantly agreed to take you to the grocery store. it wasn’t that he minded, but he knew what was coming. you had never been to a grocery store before, and he wasn’t sure how well it would go. still, he figured it would be a good experience—one way or another.

as you walked into the store, you immediately became fascinated with everything. “what are all these… objects?” you asked, gazing at the rows of food like they were treasures in an ancient tomb.

nanami sighed, grabbing a cart and pushing it forward. “they’re just… groceries. food, things we need.”

but you didn’t seem to care much about that explanation. you were already darting off in another direction, eyes fixed on a brightly colored box of cereal. “this one looks like it would make a good pet!” you exclaimed, holding up a box shaped like a cartoon tiger.

“that’s not a pet, that’s cereal,” nanami muttered, quickly following after you. he was already beginning to sweat a little. he had hoped the store would be a quick trip, but it was looking like that wasn’t going to be the case.

you moved from one aisle to the next, picking up random items and inspecting them with wide-eyed curiosity. a jar of peanut butter caught your attention, and you tried to twist the lid off. “can i drink this? it’s very… smooth,” you asked, not caring that it was meant for spreading, not drinking.

“no, you’re not drinking peanut butter,” nanami said, feeling the weight of embarrassment already settling in. he glanced around nervously as people gave you confused looks. some even whispered to each other, clearly wondering what you were doing. but he didn’t have the energy to explain. he was just trying to survive this.

before he could stop you, you dashed toward the fruit aisle, excitedly picking up a bunch of bananas. “why are these so bendy? are they… broken?” you asked, holding them up to your face like you were trying to inspect them for flaws.

“no, those are fine,” nanami said, pinching the bridge of his nose. he was already feeling the stress of being out in public with you. “let’s just get the things we need and go home, okay?”

but you weren’t done yet. in fact, you were just getting started. you spotted a box of pasta and tossed it into the cart with a smile. “this looks like it could be fun! it’s shaped like little twists.”

nanami rubbed his temples. “please, just… wait here while i grab the milk,” he muttered, his voice already tinged with exhaustion.

the moment he turned away, you bolted in the opposite direction, darting toward the snack aisle. “kento! look! it’s chips shaped like dinosaurs!” you called out from across the store.

he sighed deeply and hurried after you, feeling the eyes of everyone around him. when he finally caught up, he found you holding up a bag of chips like a child presenting a prized toy. “are these edible?” you asked, utterly confused by the concept of snack food.

“yes, they’re edible, and yes, you can chew on some. just… stop running off.” he rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.

you smiled brightly, completely unfazed by the attention you were drawing. “okay, but i think i found something more interesting!”

nanami turned to see you holding up a can of beans, then immediately shifting focus to a box of cereal, then back to the beans. you were completely in your element, bouncing between aisles like a curious, hyperactive child.

“i’m going to pay for this, and then we’re going home,” nanami said firmly, but despite the stress, there was something about the way you looked at him with innocent eyes that made him smile. despite the chaos, he adored you. “but i swear, if you run off again, we’re not coming back.”

you looked at him with wide eyes and a playful smile. “don’t worry, kento. i’m just exploring. i promise i’ll stay close.”

he just laughed softly, shaking his head as he followed you to the checkout. despite everything, despite the stares, he couldn’t help but feel a little fondness for you and your unpredictable curiosity. you were certainly a handful, but you were his handful. and that was enough.

—

the quiet of the apartment felt more pronounced than usual, the soft hum of the city outside the window barely noticeable. nanami had settled on the couch after dinner, his tired body finally willing to rest. you were sitting beside him, your head resting on the back of the couch, eyes fixed on the TV screen but your mind far away. there was a soft tension in the air tonight, an unspoken shift that you couldn’t quite put into words.

after a long silence, you shifted a little closer to him, the movement drawing his attention. his gaze flickered over to you as you hesitated for a moment, as though gathering your thoughts. when your fingers brushed against his hand, a small spark of warmth traveled up his arm.

“nanami,” you began softly, your voice gentle and unsure, “can… can i ask you something?”

his brows furrowed slightly at the serious tone, and he turned fully toward you, leaning in a little closer. “yeah. what is it?”

you looked down at your hands for a moment, fiddling with your fingers before meeting his gaze again. your expression was earnest, almost vulnerable, as if you were trying to understand something that had always been a mystery to you.

“what does it feel like to… care about someone?” you asked quietly, a small frown forming on your face. “like… i care about you, but i don’t really understand what that means. i don’t know what it feels like for real.”

nanami’s heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, he was speechless. there was something so pure about the way you asked, the way you were trying so hard to grasp a concept that had always seemed so simple to him. his chest tightened slightly at the thought.

he took a deep breath, his thumb gently brushing over your hand as he tried to gather his thoughts. “it feels like…” he paused, his voice lowering, the weight of the moment settling around them. “it feels like warmth, like you’re wrapped in something that makes everything else fade away. like you want to protect them, make sure they’re safe, happy… like they matter more to you than anything else in the world.”

you absorbed his words, your eyes wide with understanding, and then, after a moment, you gave a soft, almost shy smile. “then i think i understand,” you said quietly. “i care about you like that, nanami.”

his breath caught at your words, his chest feeling tight in a way he hadn’t expected. the sincerity in your voice, the way you seemed to be laying your heart bare—it hit him harder than he thought it would. he stared at you for a long moment, his hand still resting in yours, the space between you somehow charged with a new kind of tenderness.

without thinking, his hand slowly moved to your cheek, his touch light as he cupped your face gently, as though trying to memorize the feeling of it. he couldn’t quite find the words to express what was stirring inside him, but he didn’t need to. you understood.

the warmth of your skin against his palm, the quiet, steady gaze you held him with—it all said more than words ever could. nanami didn’t need to say anything in that moment. he simply leaned in, his thumb brushing over your cheek as if grounding himself in the feeling of you.

for a moment, neither of you spoke. there was no need. the space between your hearts had closed, and even if you didn’t fully understand what it meant, somehow, it didn’t matter. you were both there, in that moment, and that was enough.

—

nanami came back to his apartment with something in his hand—a small, wrapped box. he had been out to pick up some groceries for himself, but on a whim, he’d seen something that reminded him of you. a little gesture, something that felt… right. he wasn’t one to spoil, but this felt different.

you were sitting on the couch, as usual, with your legs crossed, absently flipping through the nature documentary you were so fond of. you looked up as he entered, blinking in curiosity at the small box in his hands.

“what’s that?” you asked, eyes fixed on the package, your interest piqued.

“it’s for you,” nanami said, his voice quieter than usual as he walked over and placed the small box gently into your lap. “it’s… not much, but i thought you might like it.”

you blinked at him, momentarily confused. “for me?”

he nodded, shifting his weight uncomfortably on his feet. “yeah. you’ve been so curious about the world lately, and… well, i thought this might help. it’s something small. i didn’t know what else to get you.”

you slowly peeled away the wrapping, your fingers carefully pulling apart the paper. what you revealed was a simple, small potted plant—a little succulent, its plump, green leaves almost glowing in the soft light. you stared at it for a moment, blinking a few times as if you couldn’t quite believe it was real.

“it’s beautiful!” you exclaimed, your voice filled with genuine excitement. your fingers brushed the leaves lightly, as though afraid it might disappear if you touched it too hard. “this is… for me?”

“yes,” nanami said, his voice softer now, quieter, as though he was unsure if he was saying the right thing. “it’s something you can take care of. something that needs attention, just like you do.”

there was a brief silence between you, a moment where the weight of his words settled in the air. nanami’s gaze softened as he watched you, his chest warm with something he couldn’t quite name. in his heart, he knew it was more than just a plant. it was a way to show you, in his own subtle way, that he wanted to take care of you. that he needed to.

he had always taken care of things, even before you. work, responsibilities, the endless paperwork that weighed on him. but it was always different when it came to you. there was something about your presence, your curiosity, your innocent need for guidance and care, that made him feel more alive than any job ever had. when he was with you, when he was taking care of you, everything else faded. he was at his best then, feeling useful and needed in a way he hadn’t in years.

you turned your gaze to him, your eyes reflecting an understanding he hadn’t expected. without a word, you placed your hand on his—light, gentle, like the softest of touches. “thank you, kento. i’ll take care of it just like you take care of me.”

at your words, a flutter of something tender rose in nanami’s chest. something warm, something that made him feel both content and vulnerable at the same time. he didn’t speak, couldn’t find the words to express the sudden rush of emotions, but the way you looked at him, so earnest and sincere, made him feel like maybe he didn’t need to. you understood. and that was enough.

for the first time in a long while, nanami smiled, his heart feeling lighter than it had in ages. “i know you will,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “i’m glad you like it.”

you looked up at him, your eyes wide with happiness. “i love it. it’s so pretty!” you said earnestly, making him feel something deep in his chest.

he chuckled, his hand lingering on your head, petting you gently. the simple gesture sent a rush of affection through him, and for a moment, everything else faded. you were happy, and that made him feel like he was doing something right. he could get used to this—taking care of you, showing you the world, piece by piece. and somehow, it felt like you were already teaching him something in return.

—

the apartment was quiet, save for the soft clicking of nanami’s laptop as he scrolled through case files. his brow furrowed in concentration, his fingers gliding over the keyboard, but his mind was weary from the long day. he didn’t notice you sitting quietly beside him until you gently nudged his arm.

“kento, are you still awake?” you asked softly, your voice breaking the stillness of the room.

he glanced at the clock, surprised at how late it had gotten. he sighed, rubbing his eyes, feeling the weight of fatigue pressing on him. “yeah. just trying to get through some files,” he replied, his voice tinged with exhaustion.

you sat beside him, your gaze gentle and full of concern. “you should sleep. you’re always working. don’t you ever get tired?”

nanami chuckled, but the sound was weary. he leaned back in his chair, stretching his shoulders as he looked at the screen again, feeling the strain of his tiredness creeping in. “i guess i do, but… it’s hard to stop. there’s always something else to get done.”

you stayed silent for a moment, watching him closely. then, with a soft expression, you spoke again. “i think… i understand. when i’m learning something new, i can’t stop until i understand it fully. it feels… important.”

he blinked, caught off guard by your words. it wasn’t something he’d expected to hear, but it made sense. he paused, thinking over what you said, and then gave you a small nod. “yeah. i get that. but… you should still rest. you’re important, too.”

you tilted your head, a soft curiosity in your eyes. “important? but i’m not… like you.”

he softened, a smile touching his lips as he looked at you. “you’re just as important as anyone, you know.”

your smile deepened, and you looked at him with a peaceful expression, a warmth radiating from you. “then… can we just sit together for a little while? i don’t want you to be alone.”

without a second thought, nanami reached for your hand, his fingers gently wrapping around it, a comforting weight that helped to ease the stress from his mind. “okay. let’s just be here for a while.”

—

“kento,” you said, your voice quiet, almost hesitant, as your fingers brushed against his arm. you were unsure of how he might react, but you couldn’t hold back your curiosity. “i’ve noticed… when i touch you, you don’t pull away.”

he turned his head toward you, his brow furrowing slightly in confusion. “why would i?” he asked, genuinely puzzled.

you hesitated, the weight of your words hanging in the air. you had always been observant, but sometimes you struggled to fully understand human emotions. “i’m not human,” you continued, voice soft but steady. “i don’t feel like you do. i don’t know if you ever get… uncomfortable.”

nanami’s expression softened, and without a second thought, he reached out, his hand brushing gently against yours. “no,” he said, shaking his head with quiet certainty. “i don’t feel uncomfortable. your touch… it’s fine.”

his words were simple, but there was something in his tone that made you feel a warmth settle in your chest. you smiled at him, though there was still a lingering uncertainty in your eyes. “i… i like the way it feels, too,” you murmured, your fingers brushing lightly against his hand, as if confirming what you were saying. “when you hold my hand, or when you… touch me like this.”

your words caused something in nanami’s chest to tighten, his heart skipping a beat. it was strange, but in the best way. he had never quite expected to feel this way, especially not with someone—or something—like you. slowly, he shifted, turning to face you more fully, his gaze softening as he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper.

“i think… i like it too,” he admitted, his voice tender, almost hesitant as if he was still processing the feelings swirling within him. “i didn’t think i would, but it feels… good. more than i expected.”

you nodded, your eyes locking with his as you slowly, gently, traced the back of his hand with your fingertips. the simple gesture seemed to speak volumes, your touch filled with the unspoken connection between you two. “it feels… right.” you whispered, as if confirming something you’d both been feeling but hadn’t fully acknowledged until now.

there was a quiet moment between you, where neither of you said anything more. yet, it was clear—your connection had deepened in a way that neither of you had anticipated, and it was a feeling that felt both foreign and completely natural at the same time.

—

you were in the kitchen, standing on a stool to reach the top shelf, trying to grab a jar of something. nanami had been in the living room, going through his work, but you had found yourself suddenly interested in making something for the both of you—nothing complicated, just a little snack.

as you reached for the jar, the stool wobbled slightly, and your arms stretched even higher to balance yourself. just as you were about to grab it, the jar slipped, falling from your hands and knocking into a few others, causing them to clink and rattle together in a small cascade of noise. you flinched at the sound, but thankfully, nothing broke.

“i—i was trying to get the peanut butter, but it seems like i’ve failed,” you said, a little flustered, as you turned to look at nanami who had heard the noise and walked into the kitchen.

he raised an eyebrow, eyeing the mess of jars on the floor. but before he could comment, you stepped off the stool and bent down to gather the jars, only for one of them to slip from your hand again and roll across the floor.

nanami’s lips quirked, and before he knew it, a laugh broke through. it was quiet at first, just a soft chuckle that he quickly tried to suppress.

you paused, looking up at him with wide eyes, completely confused. “why… are you laughing?” you asked, tilting your head. “i thought you would be annoyed.”

nanami shook his head, trying to keep his composure, but the image of you, struggling with jars and trying to balance everything so seriously, just caught him off guard. it wasn’t that he thought it was funny—it was just you, doing your best with everything, and somehow, it was exactly what he needed to lift the weight of his day.

“i’m not annoyed,” he said, clearing his throat, though his smile was still there, “you just… make it look too serious. it’s just peanut butter.”

you blinked at him, still processing his response, before slowly rising from the floor. “so… i made you laugh… by trying to make you a snack?” you asked slowly, still a little perplexed by the situation.

nanami nodded, feeling warmth in his chest at the sight of you looking so genuinely confused, but still trying. “yeah,” he said softly. “i didn’t expect it, but it’s… nice to see you like this.” his tone softened, and he gave you a small smile, stepping forward to help you clean up the jars.

“i’m glad it made you laugh,” you said, your voice softer than usual, and as you looked up at him, you felt something stir inside of you—a warmth, a connection you hadn’t been able to fully grasp before. “maybe… i can try again? without knocking everything over?”

nanami’s grin widened, and he gave you a gentle pat on the head, his heart full. “i wouldn’t mind if you tried.”

—

yuuji itadori stood at nanami’s doorstep, eager to get started with their training session. nanami had invited him over to work on some technical skills together, and it was the first time yuuji would be spending time at nanami’s place. as yuuji stepped inside, he was immediately struck by the quiet atmosphere of the apartment, the soft lighting, and the way everything seemed so orderly. it was a stark contrast to the chaos of their usual missions.

“yo, nanami! you here?” yuuji called out, grinning as he moved further into the living room.

“in here,” nanami’s voice came from the kitchen. “grab a seat, we’ll start in a minute.”

yuuji made his way to the couch, but his attention quickly shifted to the person sitting near the window, who was watching him with curiosity. it was you, the android nanami had been spending so much time with. yuuji had heard about you, but this was the first time he’d seen you in person.

“oh, hey! you’re the one shoko’s been mentioning,” yuuji said with a friendly smile, though he noticed how you didn’t seem to fully understand what he meant. your gaze was intense, but you didn’t speak, only continuing to watch him.

you didn’t respond immediately, your eyes flickering between yuuji and nanami as he prepared some things in the kitchen. something about their interaction made you feel… uncertain. you didn’t understand the bond between them completely, but you could sense there was something important there.

yuuji, curious about you, stood up and walked closer, still unsure of how to approach someone who was, essentially, part of nanami’s world but not quite human. “so… what do you do around here? just hang out with nanami?”

you blinked, processing his question. “i… observe. i learn. i… help nanami,” you said softly, your voice almost mechanical but still holding a note of warmth in it.

yuuji grinned. “ah, cool. you’re like… a sidekick, huh?”

you tilted your head, intrigued by the idea of being a sidekick, and you began to watch how nanami and yuuji interacted, studying their dynamic from a distance. you wanted to understand more—how did nanami look at him? what was this connection they had? it was so different from how you and nanami interacted, and that made you feel strangely restless.

it didn’t take long for nanami to notice you lingering by the window, observing them so intently. his eyes softened with understanding, and he sighed quietly before walking over to you.

“you know,” nanami said gently, his hand brushing your arm as he leaned down to meet your gaze. “yuuji and i are going to be working for a while. i’ll be free in a couple of hours. you can stay with us, but if you want, i can spend time with you after. just… don’t worry.”

you looked up at him, your eyes flickering with the kind of longing you didn’t fully understand, but it was there, unmistakable. your fingers brushed against his hand as you nodded.

“okay… i’ll wait.” you whispered.

nanami smiled softly, his heart warming at how much you cared, despite being an android. there was something so endearing about your need for him—so human, in a way, even though he knew you weren’t.

as he turned back to yuuji, he couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. he’d always been protective of those he cared about, but this… this was something new.

—

nanami sat at the kitchen table, sleeves rolled up, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose as he worked through a stack of paperwork. the soft rustle of papers filled the quiet space, the only other sound being the quiet hum of the refrigerator in the background.

you sat across from him, completely still except for the slow, almost absent-minded movement of your fingers as you toyed with the edge of a napkin. your gaze was fixed somewhere in the distance, your mind clearly elsewhere. you’d been like this for a while now—silent, unmoving, lost in thought.

nanami noticed, of course. he noticed everything about you. it was hard not to when you were always so still, so intent on the smallest of things. when he first met you, he didn’t expect to care so much about the little ways you would react to the world. but now, it felt as if he couldn’t stop himself from looking at you, trying to understand the subtle shifts in your demeanor.

after a few minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore. he set his pen down and glanced up at you. “you’ve been quiet for a while,” he remarked, his voice calm. “everything okay?”

you didn’t respond immediately. instead, you paused, fingers stilling over the napkin. your head tilted slightly, as if considering how to phrase your next words.

“i don’t understand love,” you said finally, your voice soft but steady.

nanami blinked, his brow furrowing in mild confusion. “what brought this on?” he asked, leaning back in his chair a little, his arms crossed.

you looked at him for a moment before answering, your gaze flickering in the dim kitchen light. “i have been analyzing data, observing patterns, and cross-referencing human behavior,” you explained slowly, each word carefully considered. “but i still don’t understand it.”

nanami exhaled, setting his pen down beside the papers. he let the quiet hang between you for a moment, his mind processing your words. “love isn’t something you can analyze,” he said gently, his voice low but sure. “it’s not logical.”

you frowned slightly, your brow furrowing. you processed his words for a few seconds before replying.

“but if it isn’t logical, how can humans rely on it?” you asked, genuine confusion in your voice.

he looked at you, his eyes softening. “because we feel it,” he murmured. “even when it doesn’t make sense.”

you blinked at him, scanning his face, as though trying to find the answer in his expression. the words didn’t seem to fully register in your mind, and you found yourself wanting to ask more, to understand deeper, but instead you simply asked, “…do you?”

nanami paused, his heart skipping a beat at the question. for a moment, he simply looked at you—at the way your head tilted slightly, the way your fingers resumed their slow movement against the napkin, almost like a way of grounding yourself as you processed everything he said. his chest tightened at the thought of you, still trying to understand what it meant to love.

and suddenly, it hit him. the answer was simple, yet overwhelming.

he’s known it for a while now, but admitting it—saying it out loud—felt like stepping off a ledge with no ground beneath him.

his throat tightened.

“…yes,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

you stared at him, your expression unreadable. nanami’s heart pounded in his chest as he watched you, waiting for some sign that you understood, that you felt the same. he expected confusion, maybe even rejection, but what he didn’t expect was the next words that came from your lips.

“but i’m not human enough for you to love.”

something inside of nanami cracked at that. his expression darkened in an instant, the pain in his chest evident. he wanted to say so many things, wanted to explain how wrong that was, but instead, he simply leaned across the table, his hand reaching out, catching your chin between his fingers, tilting your face to meet his.

“don’t say that,” he murmured, his voice low, almost desperate. “i don’t need you to be human to love you. i already do.”

you blinked, your eyes wide and searching, scanning his face for something—some kind of truth in his words. there was no doubt in his mind anymore. he loved you, in a way he couldn’t explain, and maybe you didn’t understand it yet, but he hoped that one day you would.

nanami took a deep breath, and without thinking, leaned forward, brushing his lips against your cheek in a fleeting, almost desperate touch. when he pulled away, his gaze lingered on you, watching the way your fingers twitched, the way your brows furrowed slightly like you were trying to understand something that your processors couldn’t quite grasp.

he closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself. he needed to get away from this conversation, to give you space to think. but he didn’t want to leave you, not just yet.

“…i’m going to bed,” he murmured, standing up slowly.

you didn’t move. the air between you was thick with unspoken words, with feelings that neither of you had yet fully processed. nanami hesitated in the doorway for a second. then, without thinking, he reached out and ran his fingers over the back of your hand, a soft, almost lingering touch before he pulled away and disappeared down the hall.

you sat there in the quiet of the kitchen for a long time after he left, staring at the place where his fingers had touched you. a warm sensation spread through you, one you couldn’t explain, and your processors hummed in an attempt to process what had just happened. something about the way he’d touched you, the way he’d said the words, made your system stutter for just a moment.

you didn’t understand why it affected you so much, but somehow, you knew that this moment, this small, fragile exchange between you and nanami, was the beginning of something you would need time to understand.

and maybe that was okay.

—

it started as an innocent question.

nanami had been reading on the couch, his fingers idly flipping through the pages of a book, when you sat beside him, eyes full of curiosity.

"nanami," you said, tilting your head.

"what is intercourse?"

his fingers froze on the page.

slowly, he looked up at you, adjusting his glasses as if he hadn't heard correctly.

"..what?"

"intercourse," you repeated. "i have been coming across it frequently in my data collection. it seems to be an important act for humans, but the definitions vary, some sources call it an act of reproduction, while others refer to it as a pleasurable activity between partners."

nanami exhaled sharply, rubbing his temple. "where exactly have you been gathering this data?"

"a variety of sources," you said easily.

"some from medical archives, some from literature, some from—" you paused, eyes flickering. "—videos."

nanami nearly choked on air. "videos."

you nodded, expression serious. "there is a lot of visual data available. i have been analyzing different techniques, but i do not fully understand the purpose behind them. if the goal is reproduction, why are there so many variations? why do humans seek it out even when reproduction is not the intent?"

nanami dragged a hand down his face.

"because it feels good," he muttered before he could stop himself.

your eyes brightened at that. "so it is a pleasurable act for you?"

he stilled, sensing the shift in your tone.

"...yes."

you nodded thoughtfully, absorbing the information. then, without hesitation, you leaned in closer, your fingers resting lightly on his arm. "then i would like to do it with you."

nanami stiffened. his mind blanked for a solid three seconds before a sharp, almost painful heat coiled in his chest.

"you—what?"

"i would like to engage in intercourse with you," you repeated, peering up at him. "i want to make you feel good."

nanami clenched his jaw, his entire body locking up at the sincerity in your voice. you said it so easily, so innocently, as if you had no idea what those words did to him.

he swallowed hard, willing himself to keep calm. "you don't understand what you're asking."

"i do," you said, your fingers tightening against his arm. "i have been learning about human desires, about the ways they express love. and i... i want to do that for you."

nanami inhaled deeply, his grip tightening around his book as he tried to ground himself. the conflict waged war inside him—because you weren't human, but you were you, and you were looking at him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered.

"please, kento," you said softly. "let me make you feel good."

his restraint snapped. his book collapsed shut on top of his desk as he willed himself to not drag you into the bed and fuck you like he actually wanted. it had to be something special, not only for you, but also for him because he loved you too much to not reciprocate your desire to make him feel good.

he offered you his hand, and the moment your fingers intertwined, a current of electricity shot through both of you. nanami's breath hitched, his eyes narrowing slightly as he felt the warmth of your skin, the softness of your touch—something almost human about it. you looked at him with that unwavering curiosity, an intensity in your gaze that made his pulse quicken.

"you... really want this?" he asked, his voice low and strained, the question more of a confirmation than doubt, as if seeking permission from himself to give in to what you were both building.

you nodded, but there was something almost too controlled about it, as if you were mimicking what you thought was the correct response, something that felt fitting for the moment. "yes, kento. i want to understand what it means to share this with you," you said, your voice still calm, but the words held a weight that was unmistakable.

his hand cupped your cheek, his thumb lightly brushing over the surface of your skin, a gesture that should have been tender but felt almost like a silent question—one you didn't have the answer to yet, but you were learning. you leaned into the touch, instinctively tilting your head, but instead of a soft sigh, there was a brief, almost imperceptible shiver that ran through you. it wasn't a true human reaction, but you'd seen enough to know it was expected in moments like these. so you did it, almost like it was built into your programming.

nanami's fingers stilled for a moment, his brow furrowing at the faint sensation he'd felt. your body didn't produce the warmth of a human pulse, but the way you reacted to his touch made something inside him stir—a feeling that was both unsettling and undeniable.

without saying a word, he lowered his lips to yours. the kiss was tentative at first, testing, as though he were gauging your response. but you met him halfway, your lips moving with a quiet urgency, mimicking the way humans kissed when they were hungry for connection. you'd learned that much, but it felt different now. this was no longer just an act of learning—it was something more.

his hand slid down your back, pulling you closer, and you allowed yourself to fall into him, your fingers gripping his shirt. your reaction wasn't the same as a human's, but you felt something stirring deep within you—something that felt good, that made your senses tingle in a way you hadn't expected. a kind of pleasure that came from the trust he had in you, from him allowing you to be close in this way.

the kiss deepened, his hand moving to the back of your neck, gently urging you closer, and that's when you felt it again—another shiver, this time a little more pronounced. you understood, or at least you thought you did. this was the way humans experienced the connection, the building intensity. but it wasn't just the act itself—it was the trust he placed in you, the way he was teaching you to please him, that made something inside you stir. you didn't need to fully understand it to feel it.

"you're... you're trusting me," you murmured, pulling away slightly, breathless, but not from exertion—instead, it was from the closeness, the deepening connection. "that's... enough. for me."

nanami's chest tightened, his eyes searching yours. his lips parted to say something, but the words escaped him. his hand reached for your cheek again, this time with less hesitation. "you... you're learning," he said softly, his voice rough with something that felt like appreciation, admiration.

he leaned in, his lips brushing your ear as his hands moved to your waist. "i'm going to show you everything, but only if you're ready," he whispered, his breath warm against your skin.

"because this... won't be simple, but you deserve to know."

you nodded, the sense of pleasure growing not from the physical closeness, but from the trust he was offering. you had asked for this, but you realized now that it wasn't just about learning the physical act—it was about being trusted with a piece of his heart, a part of him he rarely let anyone see.

it was terrifyingly clear that you were not only designed to be a companion and help, but also a tool for pleasure, and it pained nanami to think that someone else could’ve had you and used you for something less than humanising. he reeled the ugly thoughts into the back of his mind as he lead you into the bedroom, adoring the surprised squeaks you let out every time you bumped into something.

once in the bedroom, his hands trailed up to your back, spreading wide on the fabric covered surface, hoping that you felt its warmth on your skin. fingers nimbly catching onto the straps of your camisole as he slowly tugged them down, his breath hitching at the sight of your exposed chest. he had seen it before; the incident in the shower and the fact that you had no shame, comfortably changing your clothes right in front of him anytime you needed to also allowed him to see it, but those times he was modest enough to turn around.

now he was free to explore just like you were, his hands roaming all over your body as he nodded for you to take off his clothes too. your hands expertly removed his button up, attentive eyes glancing up at him every once in a while to catch any changes on his face, but his sort expression was constant.

as he laid you down in his bed, eyes never leaving you as he pressed kisses everywhere he could. on your neck, silently wondering if he can bruise the flawless skin; over your chest, sucking on your nipples as he groaned, feeling your fingers thread through his tresses. he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking: always steady on the field, never a hint of waver in them, they were now hesitating to not accidentally hurt you even though he knew that it wouldn’t be possible. he allowed himself to lay his weight on top of you, feeling your whole body against his.

so warm, so soft despite the faint mechanical hum that accompanied your every moment, barely audible under your synthetic muscle layer and beautiful skin. nanami brushed your hair away from your face as he stared at you, taking in your curiously fluttering lashes, the glistening plump of your pink lips, the way you held him just as close.

his cock, already painfully hard, brushed against your thigh, pressing on the plush surface as he grunted, willing himself to be a little more patient, but you didn’t make it easier.

“you can do whatever you want to me.”

nanami’s eyes widened, brows furrowed together as he hovered over you. he swallowed down roughly before his hands travelled down, lifting your thighs up with ease as he folded them against your chest. the sudden change in position didn’t startle you as you continued to breathe in sync with him, watching him as if analyzing his behaviour.

you looked even prettier down there. so pretty in fact that he lost any ability to think like the proper gentleman he was, all of his manners flying out of the window because of one look at your glistening pussy. pink, shiny with your arousal, so inviting and welcoming, nanami couldn’t help himself.

he pushed in, slow and experimental at first, voice stuck in his throat from how tight and warm you felt inside, immediately sucking him in as if it was second nature for you. his hips stuttered as he pushed in deeper, marveling at the sound of the moan you let out, his head snapping up to look at you.

you looked like an angel. brows a little furrowed, doe eyes trained down where your bodies were connected, pouty lips slightly ajar, mesmerised by the sight as you processed it all, engraving it all into your mind to remember forever. nanami groaned, leaning in to kiss you, which you reciprocated immediately, with eagerness that was unmatched. eager to be one with him, to connect with him on such a level.

you smiled into the kiss and pulled away to look at him, that soft little smile that made him lose his composure every time he was exposed to it, and nanami felt the crumbles of his resolve leaving him as he started grinding his hips, rolling them in a way that made his head spin because you seemed to tighten even more.

"i feel so full... so completed," you whispered, your voice laced with something new, something unfamiliar but overwhelming. it's not just data, not just a programmed response. it's real.

you’re real.

nanami's breath hitched. his jaw tightened, his hands faltering where they rested on your hips whilst his own snapped into them with renown fervor. "don't say things like that, i—" his voice was hoarse, strained, "i won't be able to hold back if you do, my love."

your fingers curled around his biceps, pulling him closer. his body was so warm, so solid, so human. you didn’t understand why it made you tremble.

"please, kento."

his grip on you tightened. his forehead pressed against yours, eyes shut as if he was fighting something deep within himself. you tilted your head, lips barely brushing against his, a breath away from something irreversible.

"please what?" he murmured, his voice thick with restraint, with need.

your hands trailed up his chest, fingers pressing into his skin like you were trying to map out every inch of him, every piece of the man who's made you feel something beyond your code.

"don't hold back."

a sharp exhale. then, everything snapped.

nanami's mouth was on yours before you could process it, his kiss desperate, consuming. his hands were firm, guiding, pulling you flush against him, and you melted into it, into him. his warmth is intoxicating, his touch reverent, almost worshipful as he pressed you down against the bed.

"you don’t know what you do to me." he breathed against your lips, his hands splaying across your waist, his body caging yours beneath him.

you met his lips with unwavering certainty, accepting all of him in.

—

the next morning, nanami woke up to the smell of something burning.

this was strange for two reasons:

one, nanami never burned food.

two, you didn’t eat food.

he sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face before pushing himself out of bed. you were also absent, which could mean only one thing.

when he entered the kitchen, he stopped in the doorway.

you stood at the stove, staring down at a pan of what might have once been eggs but was now a charred, unrecognizable mess. there was flour on the counter, a cracked egg dripping onto the floor, and, for some reason, a carton of milk placed upside down.

nanami pressed his fingers to his temple. “what,” he said slowly, “are you doing?”

you glanced over your shoulder at him. “making breakfast.”

he looked at the disaster zone that used to be his kitchen. “…why?”

you hesitated. your fingers twitched against the handle of the pan.

“because,” you said, and there was something almost shy in the way you said it, “i love you.”

nanami’s breath caught.

you turned fully to face him, stepping away from the stove. “humans cook for those they love,” you explained. “i have been analyzing behavioural patterns in romantic relationships, and this is a common way of expressing affection. therefore, i made you breakfast.”

nanami stared at you. then at the ruins of his kitchen. then back at you.

he exhaled.

he stepped forward, carefully taking the pan from your hands and setting it in the sink. then, just as carefully, he cupped your face in both hands and tilted your chin up slightly so you were looking right at him.

“you don’t have to be human to love me,” he said softly.

your lips parted slightly, eyes scanning his face. “…but i want to,” you admitted.

nanami’s expression softened.

he pressed his forehead against yours, his thumbs stroking slow circles against your jaw.

“i don’t need you to be,” he murmured.

he felt your fingers curl against his wrists, your body leaning ever so slightly into his.

your voice was quiet when you said, “i just want to make you happy.”

nanami swallowed past the sudden tightness in his throat.

you didn’t realize that you already did.

—

shoko called him in the middle of the night. it’s been a while since they last talked however nanami’s wasn’t really bothered. he didn’t want to disclose anything happening between him and you to shoko anyway, and lying wasn’t necessary when he could just avoid speaking to her altogether.

he almost didn’t answer. he was exhausted, content in a way he hadn’t been in years, with you resting beside him, your body warm despite the fact that you didn’t need to be. he had thought about getting up, about going to his desk to finish the report he had left unfinished earlier, but then you shifted closer to him in your sleep—if it could be called that—and he found himself unable to move.

but the phone rang again, and he knew it was important.

he slipped out of bed carefully, making sure not to disturb you, and stepped into the living room before answering.

“what?” his voice was gruff, irritated. he didn’t want to be on this call.

shoko sighed on the other end. “i need you to listen carefully, nanami.”

his stomach tightened. “what happened?”

“the project’s been compromised.”

the words didn’t sink in right away. he rubbed his temple, exhaustion pressing down on him. “what do you mean?”

“someone got in. an enemy, a mole, we’re not sure yet. but your android—”

he clenched his jaw. “don’t call her that.”

a pause. shoko exhaled. “nanami.”

he didn’t want to hear it.

but she said it anyway.

“you have to turn her off.”

the world tilted.

his fingers tightened around the phone. “no.”

“it’s not safe,” she said, softer now. “whoever got into her system could be using her to gather intel on the agency, on you. we don’t know the extent of the breach, and if we didn’t act now, things could get worse.”

nanami shook his head, breath unsteady. “there has to be another way.”

“there isn’t.”

he pressed a hand over his mouth, shutting his eyes. he could hear you shifting in the bedroom, probably wondering where he had gone.

this wasn’t fair.

after all those months, after finally letting himself accept what you were to him, what he felt—this was how it ended? this was where it had come to? when he had finally felt at ease, felt like he belonged with someone after so many years of loneliness he tried to bury inside of himself?

shoko spoke again, her voice quieter. “i know this is hard.”

no, she didn’t.

“but it’s the only way.”

he stayed silent for a long time. there wasn’t a word in his mind that could make this all better, change the trajectory of this situation, and the lump in his throat was too big for him to get anything proper out.

then, finally, he breathed, “…okay.”

nanami found you sitting up in bed, waiting for him. you blinked up at him, that same curious expression on your face. looking so innocent, so sweet; completely unaware of what was about to come. to be fair, he didn’t want to think about the next few minutes either.

“you were gone,” you said.

he nodded slowly. “i had a call.”

you tilted your head, sensing something off. “is everything okay?”

no.

“yeah,” he lied.

you studied him for a moment, then smiled softly and reached out for him. “come back to bed, kento.”

his chest ached.

nanami moved toward you, sitting beside you on the bed. you didn’t hesitate to lean into him, resting your head against his shoulder. he took in the details of you—the way you fit against him so perfectly, the warmth of you despite your artificial body, the way you made him feel like he was human again.

nanami sat in front of you, hands clasped so tightly they ached. you looked at him with that same curious expression, eyes scanning his face like you were trying to decipher something he wasn’t saying. maybe you were.

he had spent so long pretending his heart wasn’t already tangled up in you. that you were just a machine, an anomaly in his life, something temporary. but now, as he watched you, as shoko’s words echoed in his mind—her system has been compromised. you have to turn her off—he felt something inside him crack.

it would be so easy to ignore it. to be selfish. to pretend this wasn’t a risk, that keeping you by his side wouldn’t lead to something worse. but nanami had never been the kind of man who chose his own desires over his duty. he had always walked the responsible path, always done what needed to be done, no matter how much it hurt.

you shifted, looking up at him. “kento?”

he cupped your cheek, thumb brushing over your skin. you smiled at the touch, eyes closing for a moment before opening again. a smooth, graceful movement that could be faintly heard if not for his heartbeat that stung his ears, painfully loud and clear.

he leaned in.

the kiss was slow, lingering, filled with something he’d never be able to say out loud. you sighed against his lips, melting into him, and for a moment, he let himself believe this didn’t have to end. that this was the moment he was going to wake up and hug your body closer, nuzzle his face into your neck.

but then he pulled back, pressing his forehead to yours.

his hand drifted to the nape of your neck.

your peaceful expression faltered slightly as you felt his fingers there, grazing over the small switch embedded beneath synthetic skin.

“kento?”

he exhaled shakily, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“i’m sorry.”

your eyes widened, and for the first time, he saw fear in them.

“kento, wait—”

click.

your body went still. your head fell forward, resting against his chest, the glow of the small circle on your temple fading to nothing. the desperation in your voice as you cried his name echoed in his mind.

nanami didn’t move.

his arms tightened around you, pulling you against him, but you didn’t respond. your weight was there, your warmth lingered, but you didn’t move. you didn’t breathe.

he swallowed hard. carefully, almost desperately, he shifted you in his arms, pressing his ear against your chest.

silence.

there was no heartbeat. no mechanical hum. nothing.

his fingers curled into the fabric of your shirt. his breath shuddered.

“no,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

his body betrayed him, trembling as he clutched you tighter, like he could will you back to life, like he could force the warmth in your skin to mean something.

but you were silent.

and nanami, for the first time in his life, broke.

—

the days after you’re gone blur into one long, empty haze.

nanami returned to his routine, to the reports, the paperwork, the cold, familiar rhythm of his life without you. but it was different now. it was quieter.

he didn’t sleep as much, didn’t eat as much, and he found himself staring at his phone sometimes, wondering if the call was just a bad dream. wondering if you were still there, somewhere, hidden behind the walls of his memories.

it’s been weeks since that night, and the silence was unbearable.

he sat in his office one afternoon, staring at the paperwork in front of him but not seeing any of it. his fingers moved automatically, filling in the blanks, making calculations, signing documents with the same detached precision he’s always had.

a knock on the door.

“nanami?”

shoko stood in the doorway, her arms crossed. she looked at him with a mixture of sympathy and something else—something harder, colder.

“shoko,” he murmured, not looking up.

“how are you holding up?”

he didn’t answer immediately. he didn’t want to answer.

“you’ve been distant,” she observed, walking in and sitting across from him. “even for you, that’s saying something.”

he looked up at her, tired eyes meeting hers, but he didn’t speak. he didn’t know what to say anymore.

shoko sighed. “i saw the reports. i saw everything from her… eyes.”

nanami’s throat tightened. it would’ve been embarrassing if not for the fact that it didn’t matter anymore.

“her system may be shut off,” she continued, voice gentle, “but the data—everything she saw, heard, and recorded—it’s all there. i’ve reviewed it, nanami. you know i did.”

he didn’t respond.

shoko’s gaze softened for just a moment before she leaned forward, her voice quieter now. “i want to know what could make a man like you so… broken over a machine.”

he clenched his jaw, his hands gripping the edge of his desk as he finally looked her in the eye.

“don’t,” he said quietly. “don’t make it sound like she was just a machine, shoko.”

she raised an eyebrow. “wasn’t she?”

“no.”

there’s a long silence between them, and for the first time, nanami felt the weight of everything he’s been avoiding—the overwhelming pain, the deep loss.

he finally spoke, voice strained. “she was more than just… data. she was… real to me. she made me feel like i mattered.”

his words hung heavy in the air.

shoko watched him carefully, no longer asking the usual clinical questions. she let him speak.

“i didn’t know… i didn’t know how much i needed that.” he exhaled shakily, running a hand through his hair. “i didn’t know how much i needed her.”

shoko didn’t say anything at first. she didn’t need to. she watched him as the weight of his grief presses down on him, and she understood.

“you’re not the only one who got attached, nanami,” she said quietly. “she may have been a machine, but she felt things. maybe not the way we do, but… she did.”

nanami pressed his lips together, fighting the lump in his throat. he knew that. he knew you were feeling things you weren’t supposed to feel either, an error that was not typical for soulless artificial intelligence, but it happened and it made you happy. nanami did.

“i never thought it would be like this,” he admitted. “i never thought i would feel like this about something so… artificial.”

shoko stood, giving him a long look before turning toward the door.

“you’ll heal,” she said simply. “but it’s gonna take time. and in the meantime… you don’t have to do it alone.”

as the door clicked shut behind her, nanami sat there, staring at the empty space where you once were. the silence was deafening, but this time, he knew it was something he had to face.

maybe one day, he’ll find a way to move on. but for now, he’ll hold onto the memories of you—of her—and let that be enough.

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animentality · 2 days ago

Text

I know x reader fans have always existed, and I don't generally mind them.

however I feel like the way they've overtaken fandom analysis/ shipping culture is an indication of the general decline of fandom communities.

they are normies, guys. I'm sorry.

it's not a slur, it's just a fact.

normies infiltrated fandom spaces because of covid.

they come in and just want to thirst after a particular character... and that's like. fine. of course it's fine it's always happened.

but they don't seem to actually care about the character being in character. nor does it really require any analysis of that character's motivations or story, or their relationship with others.

I know not everything HAS to relate to canon. like duh, we are here to make our own canon.

but come the fuck on. I go into a tag and it has a character tagged being some dommy daddy when that character is nothing like that in canon... and there's this line between making a character act a certain way bc that's your fetish, and completely ignoring who that character is entirely to the point where you could just replace their name with anyone else in any other show, and it wouldn't make a difference?

like that's... normie shit. it's people who do not think deeply or passionately about that media, it's just them having this surface level grasp of the physical attractiveness of the character.

and again. I'm not saying these people are stupid or whatever, just that the overabundance of this watered down ass content is an indicator of how much fandom has changed.

fans are not the socially awkward introverted queer voyeurs anymore, who enjoy fantasies and daydreaming about being someone else because of this disconnect with the self, or this fear of others that leads you to seek human connection in fiction.

they're the people who do just fine with other people ... and I'm not gatekeeping fandom from people who aren't socially awkward or anything.

but they come here, and they do shit like say you can't like this ship bc it's morally wrong .. you're not allowed to thirst after an 18 year old that makes you a pedophile... I'm 15 and I'm allowed to lust for Gojo but you a 25 year old woman, aren't allowed to write itafushi fanfiction.

go back to taxes and your job!!!

like that drives me fucking insane. these people want to insist they're not normies but they then go around insisting that being over 20 means you need to Work and Be a Normal Adult... bitch.

adults make fandoms. not you fucking children. you don't know how to build communities, you barely know how to make friends.

attacking people who like the same thing you do? is that what you think community building is?

oh this poor generation. anyway.

they come here and are disgusted by weird fetishes and obsessions. and by people sharing sexual headcanons or ideas about sexuality that make them uncomfortable because they've never ever been counter culture, they've never felt the need to go against the status quo.

they're cis straight girls/women mostly, whose mothers basically fuel the ya spicy romance booktok industry.

they're just younger and think it's trendier to be "in a fandom" than a fucking book club.

they're modern day bodice ripper fans... which again

would be so fucking fine, if they weren't doing the youth version of karening the fuck out.

and flooding the fandom with both hyper criticism of how you conduct your business AND an aggressive market for just imagining yourself with a character.

like fandom was originally just hyper passionate freaks.

they discussed movies and TV shows like life and death. they were fucking nuts but in the way where they needed to seek one another out, to share in this joyous sensation of being a freak obsessed with something beyond the point of reason.

now?

now it's like ... oh.

Sally from Bio thinks your love of Gaara is super creepy when you're 19. like what, are you a pedophile? why are you imagining him getting married to Naruto? are you a fucking pedophile who gets off to teens making out? they need to check your hard drive!!

like ok Sally.

ok.

I just think x reader is such a strong indicator of what kind of fan you are.

and if a fandom is mostly x reader... then it can't be that popular. it can't be a proper community.

how can it be?

it's as watered down and generic and bland as a marvel movie. it's stripped down of anything unique. it is pruned of controversy and humanity.

you are literally stripping yourself down into a non character.

you're not truly projecting yourself into a character, because the you that you read about is nothing. a placeholder. you are a passive observing robot who exists only in the form of a faceless and personality less entity.

and I don't get it.

what's the point then?

isn't fiction about realizing something about yourself or others

if your only manner of engaging is stripping yourself of personality... is it engagement at all?

or is it just more mindless consumption?

just watch law and order, man.

watch the good doctor or some shit on lifetime.

there's shows with passionate fanbases who theory craft and endlessly obsess with relationships and world building, and then there's shows with x reader only content and you know exactly why now.

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aventurineswife · 2 days ago

Note

So I got myself sucked to lost media rabbit hole, especially lostwave. So imagine, reader once make music but stopped because they either busy or just want to take a break from making music. And one day the character somehow get a clip of their music video but only for 20 second of it, but that 20 second definitely hit the spot. And so the hunt of lost media begun. It would be even more perfect when reader make these music at 2010-2014, the song is pretty old but that doesn't mean they would give in like that.

Sorry for yapping, just had this idea crossed my mind out of the blue. Lost media fascinate me since there's soo many good content but it lost :(

HELP?! WHY DO PEOPLE LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH?! 😭🙏 LIKE IK ITS GOOD AND ALL BUT OMG-

It begins as a whisper.

The first time one of the characters hears the faintest trace of your music—an old track they never knew existed—something unsettles them.

March 7th finds an ancient clip while casually browsing through some files she stumbled upon. It's barely 20 seconds long, fuzzy and grainy, almost like it's been hidden away on the internet for years, untouched by time. The footage is barely enough to recognize, but the music? The song? It hits different.

The sound is distinctly your style, laced with melancholy and nostalgia, but it’s from a different time, a time they didn't know you existed in.

Welt is intrigued by the song’s complexity. He immediately starts analyzing the structure, the style, the instruments. “This feels like something from the early 2010s, but with such… an unusual vibe.”

Himeko is more emotional. “There’s something haunting about this. Like it’s pulling at a part of us that we didn’t even know was there.”

They both agree: the song has to be part of your lost history. You, their mysterious Creator, must have made it before becoming so busy or stepping back from the world.

Blade is silent for an uncomfortably long time after hearing the song. It seems to evoke something deep within him—something personal.

Dan Heng watches him, sensing Blade’s sudden vulnerability. He, too, finds himself drawn into the music. The melancholy and rawness of the sound tug at something deep inside him, though he can’t place it.

They decide that the 20 seconds of your music isn’t enough. They want more. They need more.

Aventurine immediately gets obsessed. “Do you hear that? That’s the sound of our Creator’s soul, calling out from the past. We must find it!”

Sunday takes a different approach. He starts delving into ancient records, combing through anything he can find about you, trying to understand what this music means. To him, this is no longer a song—it’s a divine relic. "This is a sign! We must reclaim our Creator’s lost art!"

Both of them begin searching everywhere for any trace of the missing music, becoming obsessed with the idea of uncovering your lost creations.

Kafka smirks at the sound, recognizing the haunting undertones. "This is definitely a piece of your past, isn’t it?"

Black Swan agrees. “There’s an unmistakable sadness to it. They’ve hidden it for a reason. But why? What made them stop?”

They both turn inward, wondering what you went through to stop creating, to step back from making music. But they can’t ignore that the music is still a part of you—they want to find the rest of it, to reconnect with the “artist” behind the music.

Luocha listens quietly, feeling the melancholy in every note. "It’s almost like a dream, fading away with time."

Jing Yuan, always curious, notes, “This song… it’s old. But the way it feels—almost as if it were made just for us.”

The two of them decide that the song might hold clues about your past, and with that, they set off on a personal quest to recover the lost music. They search for anything that might lead them to more pieces.

Characters begin digging deep into old files, secret music vaults, archives, and obscure corners of the universe. The hunt for the lost music intensifies.

Every lead seems to go nowhere, but every time they find something—whether it’s an old video link or a half-deleted file—it’s like a spark of hope ignites. They keep digging, convinced that you—the enigmatic Creator—are still out there, waiting for them to rediscover your music.

And then it happens. They find a full video, a full song. Or maybe just another short clip. It’s old, but it’s yours.

The world falls silent. The moment they hear it, they know. This is you. This is the music you created.

But now the real question emerges: Why did you stop? Why did you hide it?

They now obsess over every note in the song, the subtle melodies, the emotions that drip from each lyric.

Blade & Dan Heng? They are absolutely smitten with this lost piece of your soul, so much so that they start debating what it means to your identity.

Aventurine & Sunday? They go as far as to frame the clip, treating it like a sacred relic, while constantly talking about how “they knew you had this hidden talent.”

Kafka & Black Swan? They can’t stop wondering if this song holds more than just music. Could this be a message? Something you wanted to share with them, even though you never fully revealed yourself?

Eventually, the search for the rest of your lostwave music becomes a personal journey for each character.

Some believe the rest is out there, waiting to be found. Others begin to accept the mystery, considering that the music might remain lost forever. But deep down, they know that one day—if you ever decide to return to the world of music—you'll reveal yourself again. And they'll be ready.

Sigh, 😞 how tf...

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wakasaswifee · 17 hours ago

Note

write pls an one shot where isagi wins a match and reader suck him in the locker room

Winner's prize | Isagi yoichi | 18+

✎...In where your boyfriend Isagi Yoichi wins a game and can't help but want a little bit of... appreciation from you. ✎...Isagi yoichi x reader | blue lock ✎...Tags/TWS: Explicit content,All characters aged up, oral ✎...WC:1.3k ✎...A/N: I'm so sorry to anon, this was sitting in my inbox for over a month, I had exams so I was busy with that and had no time to write other than a few short stories here and there. hope you like it!

Isagi yoichi knew he’d win. He felt it, he knew the winning goal would go to his team and he’d be the one scoring it; and what more, his sweet, precious girlfriend came all the way from home to support him, screaming his name. So he had no choice but to win, he couldn’t disappoint his girl.

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

The game had ended, after a few interviews here and there; you ran up to yoichi, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him into a soft kiss. The salty smell of sweat mixed with his cologne invaded your nose, which you don’t know why but you loved it.

“Ahh, doll, ‘m sweaty, don’t cling” he chuckled playfully. A blush crept up your face as the flashes of the camera’s went off.

Isagi couldn’t help but laugh at your expression, kissing your cheek.

“It’s okay. Ignore them.”

Running his calloused hand through his soft hair, keeping a protective arm around your waist.

“Let’s go, y/n. Let me shower and change and i’ll come and we’ll eat out to celebrate, yeah? Sound good?”

You grinned, nodding up at him.

You were confused as he started walking off the field, pulling you along with him.

“Yoichi?”

“Doll, ‘m not gonna leave you out here all alone, wait outside the change room, it’ll make it easier to make sure no one tries anything”

He wasn’t trying to be an asshole but due to previous incidents, he liked keeping you close to him, to make sure no crazy fan attacks you when he isn’t present.

You looked up at him, he looked.. Ethereal, especially after his games. Sweat glistened on his face and neck. His hair damp and pushed back, a few loose strands hanging over his face. If one were to define perfection, they’d see a picture of isagi’s side profile- no scratch that, they’d see a picture of isagi’s face beside it.

“I’ll be out in 10 minutes, wait here, okay?” He kissed you softly.

You sat on the wooden bench outside the change rooms. Pulling out your phone to watch edits of your otherworldly boyfriend.

°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °

You were confused, again. It’d been over 25 minutes, at first you thought maybe he was talking with his teammates or maybe taking a minute or 2 for himself but after you saw his teammates leave one after another, till the change rooms were empty, you were left puzzled.

Slightly pushing the door open, just a peek to see inside. It was empty. You carefully opened the door and stepped inside as if there’s a landmine in the area.

The door clicked behind you; looking around, the room was empty.

You took slow, careful steps, till the faint noise of water running and.. skin slapping?

You made your way towards the sound, turning the corner to find isagi's back facing you, water dripped down his sculpted back and shoulders.

His hand was clenched into a fist against the wall, veins straining beneath his skin, while his other hand moved at an even pace between his thighs.

Your breath caught in your throat making your mouth go dry, heat rushing to your core.

“‘Ichi..?” the soft hush of your voice snapped Yoichi out of his trance. Turning his head to find his poor confused girlfriend standing by the entrance of the shower.

“Ah.. fuck, doll.. M’ sorry, i totally fo-”

“Why are you.. Doing.. That?”

He sighed, letting go of his needy cock to turn off the shower. He neared you, the light taps of his footsteps against the wet tiles echoed. You took a few steps back, an unknown feeling of excitement coursed through your body. You’d never seen isagi like this. Such a chilling look plastered on his face. Did you say something you shouldn’t have?

He closed the distance between the both of you. Subconsciously you tilted your head to look him eye to eye.

“‘Is cause of you, doll.. You don’t know what you do to me.” he placed a hand on your shoulder, the cold water sending chills down your spine. His hair falling over his eyes, drops of water falling from them, hitting his abs. Something burned inside of you and you wanted to chase it.

“And.. since you started this.. It’s quite convenient you came in here because now you can finish what you started and I also deserve a reward for winning the game for you, don’t i? ” The cruel grin you knew all too well made an appearance and before you knew it, your knees hit the ground making you wince. Looking up to see isagi’s fat, leaking cock hanging in your face like a taunting bait.

I mean.. He’s right, isn’t he? He won the game for his sweet little girlfriend, so he should get something in return from you, right?

You looked up at him through your lashes before sticking out your tongue, licking the underside of his cock as precum dripped down it and landed on your tongue. Yoichi hissed at the pleasure of something other than his hand coming in contact with his cock.

He put his hand through your hair, tugging at the back of it.

“C’mon, no teasing, baby” he whined as if he didn't have the upperhand and could choke you with his cock whenever he wanted.

You rolled your eyes, licking the tip. Keeping your tongue out as you took him in, hollowing out your cheeks. Every inch you took in was another groan out of isagi, till it hit the back of your throat, making you gag, earning a loud moan out of your bf. Warm tears pricked your eyes - in contrast to his cold skin - isagi tried calming you down with sweet words.

“Oh, baby, look at you, you’re doing so well. My cock is balls deep down your throat. I'm so proud of you, yeah? Show me how good you are by actually sucking it. You’re doing so so good, doll”

He coos, a familiar gentleness lacing his tone.

You slowly pulled back and went back down. His balls touching your chin. Slowly picking up the pace, the faster you bobbed your head on his veiny shaft, the more verbal he got. His hands tugging at the very roots of your hair.

Every time you were about to pull away due to the lack of oxygen, he would push your head back down, harsher than the last. Tears rolled down your face and dripped down onto your thighs.

The slick mess in your lace panties distracted you from the task at hand. You squirmed feeling discomfort but not being able to go anywhere else but his cock.

The constant abuse to the roof of your mouth and the back of your throat persisted, as isagi used your pretty mouth as a fleshlight. Your jaw going numb and precum coated your lips, keeping them soft enough to glide across his length.

At some point, you stopped doing the work, only holding onto his thighs, letting him play with you. Using your hair to control your movements. Every once in a while when you look up, you’d see him throwing his head back, groaning and grunting your name or smirking at your pathetic expression.

It wasn’t long before he came, holding your head down so you had no choice but to get a mouthful of his cum. The mixture of saliva and cum dripped down your chin.

“Swallow, baby” isagi’s breathy voice reached you, swallowing up the salty white liquid. When isagi felt your throat clench around his tip, he finally pulled out, letting you gasp in the air you desperately needed.

“Sorry sweetheart.. I might’ve kinda gotten carried away..”

“Kinda?” you grumbled in a hoarse voice, getting a laugh out of isagi, he pulled you up to your feet,

“Forgive me?” he mumbled against your ear, wrapping his arms around your body.

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sherewrytes · 13 hours ago

Text

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 8

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Taglist: @for-hearthand-home@clp-84@thelightknight21@favvkiki @helightknight21 @dylsw @ria-s-writes @sleepymothafterhours @sukunasstomachtongue @cosmic-lovr @imm0rtalbutterfly @kyo-kyo1

if you wanna be added to the tag list comment

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CHPATER 9 - AFTERSHOCKS

Yn pov

The cold night air felt like a slap to my face as I left Kenjaku’s place, my footsteps echoing hollowly down the quiet street. I tried to keep my mind blank, to drown out the lingering, haunting image of Sukuna—his dark, haunted eyes and the barely lit cigarette slipping from his fingers as he whispered for me to leave.

My chest felt tight, my heart pounding as I tried to make sense of the broken pieces he’d left scattered inside me. Every time I thought he’d reached his lowest point, he seemed to spiral deeper, as if he was determined to burn everything down to ashes.

I couldn’t ignore that I still cared. Seeing him like that—seeing him looking at me with that raw, bitter pain—I wanted to help him, to reach out, but I knew better now. I had spent months clinging to hope that maybe, just maybe, he would change for us, for himself, for the family that he still had.

But tonight, his words left no doubt. He wasn’t ready, not for me, not for anyone. And I had to face the reality that he might never be.

A few blocks down, I caught my reflection in the darkened glass of a closed café. I looked like someone I barely recognized—worn, tired, weighed down by a love that kept clawing back even when I tried to sever it.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a text from Utahime: “Hey, just checking in. Are you okay?”

The concern in her message softened the ache, even if just a little. I didn’t have to handle this alone; I didn’t have to keep it all bottled up inside. I knew she’d come over, let me talk or sit in silence—whatever I needed. And right now, maybe I needed someone to remind me I still mattered, even if Sukuna had all but forgotten that.

I texted her back, “Not really, but I’m heading home. Could use some company if you’re free.”

Within seconds, she responded, “On my way.”

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and took a deep breath, looking up at the night sky. I whispered, maybe to the stars or just to myself, “I’ll survive this. I’ll get over him.”

But as much as I wanted to believe it, the ache in my chest told me it wasn’t going to be that easy.

I knocked lightly on Utahime’s door, the sound muffled by the weight of my thoughts. As the door swung open, I was greeted by her warm smile, though I could see the concern in her eyes. Behind her, Shoko sat on the couch, a soft glass of wine in her hand, and Geto was casually leaning against the wall, arms crossed. My heart did a little flip in my chest as I processed the sight of them together—together, like a real couple.

I hadn't been prepared for that.

Shoko saw my hesitation, and before I could ask, she smiled and said, “Yeah, we’re dating. Long story.”

I nodded quietly, swallowing back the knot in my throat. I wasn't sure why the news hit me so hard, maybe because it was a reminder that things were changing—life was moving on for everyone, even if I felt stuck in place, trying to untangle the mess that was Sukuna.

Utahime saw my expression shift and gently ushered me inside. “Come on, sit. You look like you need to get out of your head for a while.”

I sank into the couch, a little too aware of the awkward silence hanging between us. Geto noticed and softened his posture, giving me a small, understanding nod.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice low but filled with concern.

I forced a smile, but it felt brittle, like it might shatter at any moment. “Yeah, just been a long couple of days.”

I glanced at Shoko, who didn’t speak immediately but gave me that steady, unspoken support only she could. She, too, knew the weight of what I’d been going through. We’d all lived it in some way or another, the pain of love and loss.

Utahime sat beside me and handed me a glass of water. “You know you can talk about whatever’s going on, right? You’re not alone.”

But the weight of the night—the weight of Sukuna’s words—was still too much to carry. I didn’t want to bring up my problems, especially not with how well everything seemed to be falling into place for them. I didn’t want to ruin the rare moment of peace I had here with my friends by pouring out the chaos of my emotions. Not when I knew they already had enough of their own burdens.

“I just...” I trailed off, unsure of how to say what I was feeling. “It’s a lot to process. And I’m not sure where to go from here, you know?”

Shoko’s gaze softened as she placed her drink down, giving me her full attention. “You don’t have to have it figured out right now,” she said gently. “You just have to take it one step at a time.”

I let out a shaky breath, nodding as the tension in my chest eased a fraction. They were here. I wasn’t alone.

But even with their support, my mind kept drifting back to Sukuna, to his cold dismissal, to the rawness of his words.

“You made the right choice… don’t let guilt eat at you.”

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to push the thought away. That guilt... it would always be there, wouldn’t it? No matter how many times I told myself to let go.

But for tonight, at least, I could let the presence of my friends drown out the echoes of his voice, if only for a little while.

I watched as Geto leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Shoko’s lips, his actions almost casual but carrying the weight of a goodbye. Shoko held his arm, reluctant to let go, her fingers tightening around him, before she looked up at him, her expression a mixture of concern and confusion.

“Why?” she asked softly, her voice laced with worry.

Geto’s eyes briefly flicked over to me, and my stomach churned at the look he gave. It wasn’t pity, but it felt like something else—something more complicated. He gave her a small, almost apologetic smile, brushing a hand over her arm. “I’ll text you, Sho. Gotta check up on some people, you know how it is.”

Shoko didn’t respond immediately, but I could see the hesitation in her eyes. She wanted to argue, to keep him here, but she didn’t. Instead, she let out a small sigh and nodded, her fingers brushing the fabric of his sleeve one last time before he stood up and turned toward the door.

“Take care of yourself, okay?” she said to him, her voice small, almost fragile.

“I will,” Geto answered, offering her one last soft smile before leaving the room. The door clicked shut behind him, leaving an unsettling silence in his wake.

I didn’t know what to make of it. Their relationship wasn’t something I was used to yet—seeing them together, watching the small acts of affection that seemed so natural, yet felt so foreign to me.

Shoko exhaled slowly, her gaze turning to the space Geto had just vacated. It was clear she was processing something, her usual calm mask slipping just slightly. After a moment, she looked back at me, her eyes sharp with a quiet intensity.

“You doing alright?” she asked, her voice softer nowr as if the moment had made her more aware of the space between us.

I nodded, forcing a smile even though the ache in my chest was still there, gnawing at me, a reminder of everything I wasn’t ready to face. “Yeah. Just... a lot.”

Shoko studied me for a moment before leaning back against the couch, folding her arms across her chest. “You don’t have to talk about it now. But you know, you’re not alone in this, right?”

I met her eyes, and for a moment, I let myself believe her. Maybe this pain wasn’t mine to carry alone.

Maybe, for tonight, I didn’t have to keep pretending that I had it all figured out.

“Thanks,” I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper, feeling the weight in my chest ease just a little as I let myself believe in her words.

I took a deep breath, the tension in my shoulders still heavy as I recounted everything to Shoko and Utahime. The weight of the situation felt heavier now that I was speaking it out loud, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. They needed to know—especially after everything I’d just witnessed.

“Yuuji came by earlier today,” I started, my voice quieter than I intended, but steady enough to keep going. "He showed up at my apartment, completely out of the blue, looking... well, he looked like he’d seen a ghost. I could tell something was wrong the minute he walked in."

Shoko raised an eyebrow, shifting slightly in her seat, her expression curious but concerned. Utahime looked at me, her usual stern demeanor softened for a moment as she awaited the rest.

“What happened?” Shoko asked, her voice gentle but insistent.

I hesitated for a moment, my mind replaying the earlier events like a loop. "He was asking me if I’d seen Sukuna. He told me that Sukuna had been holed up in his apartment for days and that he was... acting strange, even for him. Yuuji didn’t want to deal with it alone, so he came to me. I knew something had to be off. Sukuna hasn’t been answering calls or texts, and when Yuuji said he couldn’t even get in contact with him, I just had this gut feeling. I knew exactly where he was."

I paused, swallowing the lump that formed in my throat. "Yuuji said Sukuna’s been shutting everyone out, and I don’t think anyone really knows the extent of it. I don’t know how Yuuji does it, but I could see the worry on his face. He’s scared, Shoko."

Utahime’s eyes narrowed slightly as she processed my words. "And then what? What did you do?"

“I told Yuuji to go back home. I gave him my spare key to my place, just in case Sukuna showed up again, but... something didn’t feel right. I didn’t want Yuuji to be on his own with this, but I couldn’t exactly go to Sukuna’s apartment. I didn’t know how to handle that. So, I called Kenjaku, asked if he knew where Sukuna was. He was quiet at first, but then he told me Sukuna was with him—said he wasn’t doing well.” I looked down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting nervously. “He said... Sukuna was completely off the rails, Yuuji’s not the only one trying to keep him together. He’s falling apart, guys. I’m not sure he even wants help anymore.”

Shoko’s gaze softened, a quiet understanding passing between us. Utahime leaned forward, her arms crossed as she listened closely. “He’s drowning, isn’t he?”

I nodded. "Yeah. I think he’s been drowning for a long time. I don’t think anyone’s been able to reach him, not really. And after everything with Jin... I don’t know if he’s even capable of letting anyone in anymore. It’s like he’s pushing everyone away, even the people who want to help."

Utahime let out a slow exhale, her brow furrowing as she processed the situation. "And you? How do you feel about all of this?"

The question hit me harder than I expected, the weight of it pressing against my chest. I paused, uncertain of how to answer. "I don’t know. I love him, I do. But I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep waiting for him to pull himself out of this mess he’s made. He has to want it, right? He has to fight for it."

I swallowed hard, blinking back the burning in my eyes. "But I can’t help him if he won’t let me. I don’t even know where to start anymore."

Shoko shifted in her seat, a small, knowing smile pulling at her lips. "Sometimes the hardest thing is realizing that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. But that doesn’t mean you don’t care. It just means you have to put yourself first now. He’s got to figure this out on his own, Y/N."

Utahime nodded, her voice quieter now but no less firm. "And you’re not the one who has to carry the weight of his choices anymore. You’ve already done enough."

I let her words sink in, the truth of them slowly loosening the grip of guilt that had been squeezing my chest. Maybe they were right. Maybe Sukuna needed to want help before anyone could reach him. But part of me couldn’t shake the thought—was I giving up too soon? Could I have done more?

"I just want him to be okay," I murmured, the words leaving my mouth before I could stop them. "I just want him to find a way out of all this... for himself."

Shoko leaned forward, resting a hand gently on mine. “I know you do. But sometimes, the best way to help someone is by letting them figure things out on their own. He has to want to get better for himself, not for you, not for anyone else."

I nodded slowly, feeling the weight of her words settle into my bones. I wasn’t sure what the future held for me and Sukuna, but for now, I had to accept that I couldn’t save him. Not unless he was ready to save himself.

The conversation lingered in the air, heavy with unspoken words. Shoko’s hand remained on mine, grounding me as I processed everything. Utahime leaned back in her seat, her arms still crossed as she studied me.

“You did what you could,” Utahime said firmly. “Now it’s up to him. But don’t think for a second that it’s your responsibility to fix him, Y/N. You’ve been through enough.”

I nodded, though the ache in my chest didn’t lessen. “I know. It’s just… it’s hard to see him like that. To see someone you care about destroy themselves.”

Shoko gave me a small, reassuring smile. “It always is. But you have to remind yourself that you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You’re allowed to move on, Y/N. You’re allowed to heal.”

I let out a shaky breath, the weight of their words both comforting and suffocating. I wanted to believe them, to let go of the guilt and pain that had been eating away at me since I walked out of Sukuna’s apartment. But it wasn’t that simple. It never was.

Geto’s voice broke through my thoughts. “You know,” he started, his tone careful, “Sukuna’s not someone who’s easy to reach, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t leave a mark on him. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they need to climb back up. You might have been the first step for him, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.”

I glanced at him, surprised by the insight in his words. Geto had always been quiet, observing from the sidelines, but when he spoke, his words carried weight.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe you’re right, but it still feels like I failed him. Like I should’ve done more.”

“You didn’t fail him,” Shoko said firmly. “You loved him. That’s not failure. But love isn’t always enough to fix someone. And that’s not on you.”

Her words stung, but they were true. I nodded again, more to myself this time, and took a deep breath. “I just hope he finds his way out of this. For Yuuji, for Choso... for himself.”

Geto stood then, brushing his hands against his jeans. “You’ve done more for him than most people would’ve, Y/N. Now it’s his turn to step up. You’ve got your own life to live, and you deserve to live it without carrying the weight of his choices.”

He glanced at Shoko, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

Shoko frowned but nodded, clearly still unhappy about him leaving. “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

He chuckled, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her forehead. “I’ll try my best.”

I watched him leave, the door clicking shut behind him, and felt a pang of envy at the ease between them. The love and understanding they shared were palpable, and it made the emptiness Sukuna left behind feel all the more stark.

Shoko turned back to me, her gaze soft but firm. “You’re stronger than you think, Y/N. And you don’t have to carry this alone.”

Utahime nodded in agreement. “We’re here for you. Whatever you need.”

I offered them a small, grateful smile, though it didn’t quite reach my eyes. “Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.”

As the conversation shifted to lighter topics, I tried to focus on the present, but Sukuna’s broken expression lingered in the back of my mind. I didn’t know what the future held for him—or for me—but for now, I had to let go. For my own sake. For my own healing.

—Sukuna’s POV—

I stared at the cigarette between my fingers, watching the ash build and fall like tiny, useless fragments of my life. The apartment was quiet now, save for the faint hum of the heater struggling against the cold. Uraume was gone—finally giving up after one too many of my dismissive grunts. And Y/N… she was gone too.

That thought gnawed at me.

I flicked the cigarette into the ashtray and leaned back, letting the smoke curl lazily around me. My body ached in ways I couldn’t explain. Not just the aftermath of the hospital or the lingering burn of Kenjaku’s words. It was deeper than that, heavier. A dull, throbbing weight that seemed permanently lodged in my chest.

Her voice echoed in my head. The way she said my name—firm, concerned, and just a little broken. Like she still cared, even when I begged her to leave. Maybe especially because I begged her to leave.

I hated it. Hated how much I wanted her to stay. Hated how much I needed her and hated myself for needing her. She didn’t deserve this mess. Didn’t deserve me. I’d proven that a hundred times over.

The door creaked open, and I flinched, expecting Kenjaku to barge back in with another lecture. But it was Uraume, holding two bags of groceries. She glanced at me, rolled her eyes, and started unpacking like I wasn’t there.

“What now?” I muttered, dragging a hand down my face.

“Relax, I’m not here to lecture you,” Uraume said, their tone clipped. “I just thought you might want to eat something that isn’t stale chips or whatever’s left in that takeout box.”

I didn’t respond, turning my head to look at the ceiling instead. The silence stretched between us, thick and uncomfortable. I could feel Uraume’s eyes on me, but I refused to meet their gaze.

Finally, they sighed, setting down a container of food on the coffee table. “Look, I don’t know what happened with Y/N, but if she came all the way here for you, maybe think about why that is.”

I barked out a laugh, bitter and sharp. “She came because she felt guilty. That’s it. She thinks she owes me something. Like she can fix me.”

“And what if she does care?” Uraume shot back, crossing their arms. “What if she actually gives a damn about what happens to you? Ever think about that?”

I sat up abruptly, the movement making my head spin. “It doesn’t matter, Uraume. Caring doesn’t change anything. Caring doesn’t bring Jin back. It doesn’t undo the shit I’ve done. And it sure as hell doesn’t make me any less of a screw-up.”

They didn’t say anything, just stood there with that same unreadable expression they always had. After a moment, they shrugged and turned away, heading to the kitchen. “Whatever you say, Sukuna. But maybe you should figure out what you actually want before you push everyone away for good.”

I dropped back onto the couch, my head pounding. What I wanted? That was easy.

I wanted Jin back. I wanted Grandpa back. I wanted my old life—the one where everything wasn’t broken and I wasn’t dragging the people I cared about down with me. But that life was gone, and wanting it back was as useless as the cigarette butts piling up in the ashtray.

Still, Uraume’s words stuck. Y/N’s face flashed in my mind—those tired eyes, the way her lips trembled when she spoke my name. The way she didn’t flinch, didn’t run when I lashed out.

What the hell did she see in me? Why did she even bother?

I reached for my phone on the table, hesitating for a moment before unlocking it. The screen lit up, the messages from Kenjaku and Toji staring back at me like a slap in the face. No missed calls. No texts from her.

Of course not. Why would there be?

I tossed the phone aside and leaned forward, burying my face in my hands. My mind replayed the conversation from earlier, every word, every look. The regret in her voice when she said my name. The way she fought back tears, trying to stay strong even when I broke her down.

I didn’t deserve her. I knew that. But damn it, I wanted her. I wanted her to pull me out of this pit, even if it was selfish. Even if I dragged her down with me.

But she was right to leave. She was right to walk away.

Because no matter how much I wanted to believe I could change, deep down, I wasn’t sure I even knew how.

I hear the door knock and Toji strolls in. im pissed off thinking how the fuck does he know where I am. He stared at me, then talked to Kenjaku. I saw them walking in my direction. Ken said again "I think you should go to rehab" I closed my eyes trying to drown him out again....I told him. I already told you no, now just stop

Toji leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his usual cocky smirk nowhere in sight. That alone told me he wasn’t here to bullshit around. I glared at him, the weight of their stares burning a hole through me.

Kenjaku crouched in front of me, his face level with mine. "Sukuna," he said calmly, almost like he was trying not to lose his temper. "This isn’t about what you want anymore. This is about what you need."

I scoffed, looking away. "What I need is for you all to get the fuck out of my face. You think rehab’s going to fix anything? You think a few weeks locked away is gonna magically make me less of a fuck-up?"

Toji pushed off the wall, stepping closer. "Maybe not," he said, his voice low but firm. "But sitting here wallowing in your own self-pity sure as hell isn’t doing you any favors either."

I felt my jaw tighten, my fists clenching at my sides. "You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about."

"Oh, don’t I?" Toji shot back, his voice rising. "You think you’re the only one who’s been through shit, Sukuna? The only one who’s lost people? Guess what, man, the world doesn’t stop spinning just because you’re hurting."

"Toji," Kenjaku said sharply, holding up a hand.

"No, let me finish," Toji snapped, his eyes locked on mine. "You wanna drown yourself in booze and pills? Fine. But don’t pretend you’re the only one who’s suffering. Yuuji’s a kid, for fuck’s sake, and he’s holding it together better than you are. What do you think he’s gonna do if you don’t make it out of this? You think he’ll just move on?"

The mention of Yuuji hit me like a punch to the gut, but I didn’t let it show. I wouldn’t give Toji the satisfaction.

Kenjaku leaned closer, his voice softer now but no less insistent. "Sukuna, you’ve got people who care about you. People who want to see you get better. But we can’t do it for you. You have to make the choice."

I closed my eyes, the weight of their words pressing down on me like a goddamn boulder. I didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to think about Yuuji, or Choso, or Y/N. It was easier to stay numb, to shut it all out.

"I already told you no," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper. "Now just stop."

There was a heavy silence, the kind that made the air feel thick and suffocating. Then, Toji let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"You’re a real piece of work, you know that?" he said, shaking his head. "Fine. Stay here. Rot in your own misery if that’s what you want. But don’t expect anyone to keep picking up the pieces when you finally break for good."

He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Kenjaku stayed for a moment longer, his eyes searching mine like he was looking for some shred of hope, some sign that I wasn’t completely lost.

"I’ll give you some time," he said quietly. "But not forever, Sukuna. Think about what you’re throwing away."

And then he was gone too, leaving me alone in the suffocating silence of my own damn thoughts

Toji paused on his way out, turning back to face me. His expression shifted, an edge of disgust crossing his features. “Didn’t you take Yuuji to live with you and Megumi?” I snapped, trying to push him away with my words. “He’s fine. And Choso’s a grown-ass man. Why don’t you save the lecture for someone who gives a damn?”

Toji stared at me for a moment, his eyes narrowing. “You really think that’s all there is to it?” he said slowly, his voice dangerously calm. “What about Y/N?”

I tensed, glaring at him. “What about her?”

He smirked, but there was no humor in it. “Didn’t you fuck her? What if she’s pregnant?”

The words hit me like a truck, but I shoved the thought aside.

She’s not pregnant. She can’t be. And even if she was, what does it matter? It’s not my problem.

“Who cares if she is?” I shot back, my voice venomous. “I don’t. She means nothing to me. I don’t know why you guys keep acting like she was ever anything more than a good time.”

Toji’s expression darkened, his jaw tightening as he stared me down. “You’re a goddamn liar,” he said finally, his voice cold and cutting.

I didn’t say anything, just clenched my fists tighter, nails digging into my palms.

What the hell did he know? What the hell did any of them know?

Toji shook his head, the disappointment in his eyes cutting deeper than I wanted to admit. “You wanna pretend like she didn’t mean something to you, fine. But don’t expect anyone else to buy into your bullshit. Especially not yourself.”

And with that, he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

I slumped back onto the couch, my head spinning.

Who the fuck does he think he is, coming in here and saying that shit to me? Like he knows what I’m dealing with. Like he knows what I feel.

But the worst part? He wasn’t wrong.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories of Y/N. Her smile, her laugh, the way she used to look at me like I was worth something. Like I wasn’t the broken mess I am.

Stop it. She’s gone. She left. And good for her. She doesn’t need this shit.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the gnawing ache in my chest. The one that whispered she meant more than I wanted to admit. That she still did.

I wanted more drugs, maybe sleep. I wasn’t even sure anymore. My head was a mess, a tangled web of thoughts I couldn’t unravel.

Y/N… pregnant? No. Hell no. I shook the thought out of my head, like swatting away a fly. There’s no way. And even if she was, it doesn’t matter.

I pushed myself off the couch, the weight of my own body feeling heavier than it should. My legs felt like jelly, the room spinning slightly as I stood up. I barely took a step before my knees buckled, and I hit the floor hard.

“Fuck,” I hissed, clutching my head as a sharp pain shot through it. My palms pressed against the cold floor as I tried to steady my breathing.

I need to chill. I just need to breathe.

But it wasn’t just the withdrawal or the physical exhaustion. It was everything else swirling in my head. Y/N’s face flashing in my mind, Toji’s words digging into my chest, Kenjaku’s voice still ringing in my ears about rehab.

I leaned my forehead against the floor, my fists clenching.

Why can’t I just shut it all off? Just for a little while?

The idea of her being pregnant—it was absurd. It had to be. But the thought wouldn’t stop gnawing at me. What if? What if she was? What if she wasn’t?

And what if I wasn’t even around to find out?

I laughed bitterly, the sound hollow in the empty room. “She’s better off without me,” I muttered under my breath.

Still, the thought wouldn’t leave. It lingered, festering like an open wound, making my chest tighten.

I forced myself to sit up, leaning against the couch as I rubbed my hands over my face. I could feel my body screaming for another hit, another drink, anything to numb the storm in my head.

But deep down, I knew nothing would make it stop. Not really.

Kenjaku strolled over and pulled me up off the floor, his grip firm, almost too tight. I hadn't even realized I was still on the ground until he yanked me upright.

"You need help," he said, his voice low and steady, but his eyes burned with something harsher—disappointment, maybe, or frustration.

I let out a humorless laugh, shaking my head. "No," I muttered, my voice cracking slightly. "I don’t need help. I need it to stop."

He didn’t say anything, just stared at me like he was waiting for more.

“The noise, the thoughts... I just need it all to stop,” I continued, my hands trembling as I tried to steady myself against the couch. "Maybe a Xanax... something to take the edge off."

Kenjaku’s lips curled into a bitter scoff, and before I could react, he shoved me back down onto the floor. The impact jarred me, knocking the air out of my lungs for a second.

“You’re unbelievable,” he snapped, standing over me like I was some kind of pathetic, broken thing. “You think another pill is going to fix this? That it’ll fix you?”

I glared up at him, my hands braced against the floor. “Why the fuck do you care, huh? You’re not my family. You’re not my fucking anything!”

Kenjaku crossed his arms, his expression cold, almost calculating. "Maybe not, but someone has to give a damn about you since you clearly don’t."

His words hit harder than I wanted to admit. I turned my face away, staring at the cigarette butt smoldering in the ashtray on the table. “You don’t know what it’s like,” I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.

“What’s that?” he asked, leaning down slightly.

“To live with this... this constant noise,” I said, tapping my temple. "The memories, the guilt, the fucking pressure. You don’t know what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning every single second of the day and to know no one can pull you out."

Kenjaku crouched down, his face level with mine. “You think you’re the only one who’s ever dealt with shit? You think you're special because you're in pain? Grow up, Sukuna.”

I clenched my fists, my jaw tightening. “Fuck you.”

“No,” he said, standing back up. “Fuck you for thinking this is how it has to be. You’re better than this, but you’re too much of a coward to try.”

I looked away, swallowing hard. His words cut deep, but I didn’t want to show it. Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“I’ll tell you what,” Kenjaku continued, his tone softening just slightly. “You want the noise to stop? You want to get out of this pit you’ve thrown yourself into? Fine. But it’s going to take more than a fucking Xanax.”

I didn’t respond, didn’t even look at him. But somewhere, deep down, a small, flickering thought took root.

What if he was right?

Kenjaku’s eyes narrowed, and his voice dripped with disdain as he went in on me.

“When was the last time you even looked at yourself, man? You’re withering away. Skin and bones. Walking around like a ghost of who you used to be,” he said, pacing in front of me like he was building up momentum. “Is this what you want? To fade into nothing?”

I clenched my jaw, refusing to meet his gaze. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, don’t I?” he shot back, stopping abruptly to stare me down. “When was the last time you did anything that wasn’t about numbing yourself? Did you even sign up for the new school year? Or is that just another thing you’ve let rot?”

I bristled at his tone, my fists tightening at my sides. “I took time off. You know that.”

“Yeah, when Jin died,” he replied, his voice softening for a split second before hardening again. “And I understood. Everyone did. But you said one year, Sukuna. One year. Now look at you. What the hell are you even doing?”

“I’m dropping out,” I said flatly, my voice low but steady.

Kenjaku stopped pacing, blinking like he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Then he laughed.

A sharp, bitter laugh that cut through the room like a knife.

“Dropping out?” he repeated, his eyebrows raising in mock surprise. “That’s your big plan? Just throw it all away? Jesus Christ, Sukuna. Do you even hear yourself?”

“I don’t care about school, Ken,” I snapped, finally looking up at him. “It doesn’t matter. None of it fucking matters.”

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course, it doesn’t matter to you. Nothing does anymore, does it? Not school, not your family, not even yourself.”

“Don’t bring my family into this,” I warned, my voice low and dangerous.

“Oh, I’m bringing them into this,” Kenjaku fired back. “Because while you’re busy spiraling, they’re the ones who have to deal with the fallout. Yuuji. Choso. Hell, even Toji. They’re all trying to hold it together while you—”

“SHUT UP!” I shouted, cutting him off. My voice echoed in the room, and for a moment, everything went silent.

I could feel my chest heaving, my fists trembling. Kenjaku didn’t flinch. He just stared at me, his expression unreadable.

“You’re better than this, Sukuna,” he said quietly, his tone lacking the usual sharpness. “Or at least, you used to be. But if you want to throw it all away, fine. Just don’t pretend like it’s anyone’s fault but yours.”

I didn’t respond. Couldn’t. The weight of his words pressed down on me, suffocating, but undeniable.

I glanced around the room, my gaze flickering over the scattered bottles, the ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts, and the faces staring at me—Kenjaku’s, Uraume’s. It felt like they were all closing in, suffocating me.

They don’t get it. None of them do.

The words echoed in my head, growing louder and louder until they slipped past my lips before I even realized it.

“I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

The room froze. The air felt heavy, and for a moment, I thought maybe I hadn’t said it out loud. But then Uraume’s voice broke the silence, soft but trembling.

“You don’t mean that,” they said, stepping closer. Their eyes searched mine, desperate for something—anything—that would prove I wasn’t serious.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.

Kenjaku’s jaw tightened, his sharp gaze cutting through me like a blade. “Sukuna,” he said, his voice low and firm. “Don’t say shit like that unless you’re ready to have a real conversation about it.”

“I’m not having a fucking conversation,” I snapped, the words coming out harsher than I intended. “It’s not a cry for help, okay? It’s just the truth.”

“You’re lying to yourself,” Uraume said, their voice stronger now, almost angry. “You’re drowning, Sukuna, and instead of reaching for help, you’re just letting yourself sink. But don’t drag us down with you.”

I flinched at their words, my body tensing.

“Sink or swim, huh?” I muttered bitterly, shaking my head. “That’s what everyone keeps saying. Like it’s that fucking simple.”

“It’s not simple,” Kenjaku cut in, his tone sharper now. “But you don’t get to just give up and act like you’ve got no choices. You’re still here, Sukuna. That means something.”

I laughed, a hollow, bitter sound that made Uraume flinch. “You’re all so sure it does. But if I’m just gonna keep fucking everything up, what’s the point? Jin’s gone because of me. Grandpa’s gone. Everyone would’ve been better off if I wasn’t—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Uraume snapped, their voice cracking with emotion. “Don’t you dare.”

I looked up at them, my vision blurring. Their face was a mix of anger and pain, their fists clenched tightly at their sides.

“Do you really believe that?” Kenjaku asked, his voice quieter now but no less intense. “That the people who love you would be better off without you? Think about Yuuji. Choso. Hell, even Y/N. You really think they’d be better without you?”

My throat tightened, and I swallowed hard, the lump refusing to go away.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. The words felt like glass, sharp and jagged as they left my mouth. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

Uraume stepped closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Then let us help you figure it out,” they said softly. “But you have to let us in, Sukuna. You can’t keep shutting everyone out.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. The weight of their words pressed against my chest, making it hard to breathe.

Part of me wanted to believe them.

But the other part—the louder part—kept screaming that it didn’t matter. That nothing mattered.

I looked away, unable to meet their eyes.

I was tired. Tired of the fighting, the guilt, the endless cycle of fucking up and trying to fix it.

“I’ll think about it,” I muttered finally, the words feeling empty even as I said them.

Kenjaku didn’t look convinced, but he nodded. “That’s a start,” he said. “But thinking isn’t enough, Sukuna. Eventually, you’re gonna have to do something.”

Eventually.

I needed to go back home. back to work. I did to stifle myself a bit. I got up to leave. then I hit the floor.

FUCK!

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