#i just have a lot of thoughts about storytelling and need to dump them somewhere

[blueskittlesart]

i see discussion abt the traveler in the notes of a reblog and i think it’s very interesting you say that bc honestly i think it’s the amount of disconnect present in The Twins Themselves and The Player that intrigues me but also intensely frustrates me. it feels like “the traveler”/you as a person playing the game and lumine/aether/the twin chosen are two separate entities and honestly that could be Really interesting if it was acknowledged and could fit in nicely with some of the vague themes of otherworldly/fourth-wall breaking stuff and personal autonomy they’ve got going on. but Nope! i think this is yet another issue of the Gacha Mechanic too in a way bc honestly all of the instances of x character bonding with The Traveler ends up pissing me off REAL bad lmaooo. i would much rather there be some kind of genuine distinction in the twin’s dialogue too bc the whole idea of. “oh this character you are playing is Their Own Character but also they have the exact same story interactions and dialogue as their twin” is just. Eeufhhh. maybe this is just a lot of personal issues i have with the setup because i am someone who not only enjoys lore but also characterization and character interactions with other characters and the world around them and i am not a fan of when a You The Player character is thrown into that. sorry for dumping this here i just need to let out these thoughts somewhere

I think what it comes down to is that on launch hyv was worried about player immersion but reluctant to commit to a true silent protagonist. in most actual gameplay, the protagonist twin functions as a silent protagonist, meaning a blank-slate character with no autonomy, completely at the mercy of the actions the player chooses for them. (the only exception to this rule is A-plot quests which directly involve their sibling.) But in the A-plot of the story at large, the twins, regardless of which one you choose, are NOT blank slates in any sense, and that's what leads to the disconnect during gameplay.

Silent protagonists are a method of storytelling unique to video games and they're specifically a vessel to further player immersion, the idea being that a player character whose backstory and personality are unknown or nonexistent is much easier to insert one's self into, thus creating a more immersive experience for the player. I think that this was probably the original intent behind the twins, at least to a certain extent, and is likely at least part of the reason that hyv is still keeping all their story cards so close to their chest--the more we learn about the twins, the less our chosen twin functions as a silent protagonist. In a game with so many playable characters that AREN'T blank slates, hyv may have worried that having no designated player-insert character would break immersion from the get-go. However, the story planned for the game at large relied on a protagonist that was, from the very beginning, NOT a silent protagonist. the twins have personalities. they very obviously have backstories and pre-game relationships with each other at the very least. they have NAMES. The fact that genshin has you 'name' your character who quite literally already has a canonical name and gives you no reasoning behind that is one of the most glaring examples of this weird inconsistency in the writing imo. It almost seems like they want it both ways. they want a perfect silent protagonist for player immersion, but they ALSO want a protagonist who is tied up in the story because of their history and relationships and personality. and it doesn't work, because those two things are fundamentally incompatible. you cannot allow your players unlimited choice in the actions, thoughts, and feelings of your playable character while also requiring that character to make certain choices and have certain feelings and relationships for the story to progress. The result of attempting to do both is a story which promises unlimited choice to the players and then jerks them along in one direction anyways, which only results in frustration and immersion-breaking. there are plenty of ways to do a non-silent protagonist in a video game without sacrificing the player's experience, but what genshin has done is given us this weird worst-of-both-worlds combo that just. does not work.

[coppermarigolds]

TLOU, nuance in storytelling, and authorial intent

Recently, massive spoilers for The Last of Us II leaked online, including actual cutscene clips. Being a complete spoiler fiend, I immediately went and looked them up, and I am......frustrated. 

I’m not going to discuss any of the actual specific spoiler content, but I am going to talk about my general reactions, particularly in comparison to the first game, both as a fan and as a writer/aspiring novelist. This could still be considered mildly spoilery, so I’ll put it under a cut.

The plot of the first TLOU game isn’t exactly groundbreaking--it could actually be called pretty basic, and yet it’s had a huge emotional impact on plenty of people, myself included. I never really stopped to think about why exactly that was until the spoilers for the second game were leaked. Certainly the slow, realistic build-up of the relationship between Joel and Ellie, and the excellent performances by the actors, were major factors. But looking back on the first game now, in comparison to what I’ve seen of the second game, I think there was another aspect at play: when the chips were down, the first game trusted the audience and didn’t try to tell us what to think or feel. 

Yes, there were some scenes in the first game that could be considered over the top tear-jerking or basically just there to be misery porn, but I’m thinking specifically of the whole endgame sequence and the decisions made by Joel, the protagonist. In that sequence, Naughty Dog did something remarkable: they presented a complex, morally complicated situation and let the audience draw their own conclusions. TLOU has been out for seven years, yet to this day, whenever I see discussion about it, there’s inevitably a debate about the ending and what Joel did. Is he an unredeemable monster? Is he a hero that did nothing wrong? Is he somewhere in between? I’ve seen opinions all along the spectrum, and the amazing thing is that you can convincingly argue any of them. Both sides have valid positions, and the beauty of it is that Naughty Dog didn’t tip their hand either way as to what they consider the “correct” interpretation. They left it completely open to each individual player.

Most mainstream media doesn’t do that. Many writers spoonfeed what they want the audience to take away from the story. These characters are good; these ones are bad. These actions/beliefs are the right ones; these over here are the wrong ones. If you like or endorse this particular opinion, you’re right and good; if you endorse that one, you’re bad and wrong. 

In some ways, we as human beings crave this black-and-white storytelling. We want our own feelings and opinions to be validated by the media we consume; it’s just human nature. We want to be told we’re good and right for this value or belief that we hold, or this choice that we would make if we were in the characters’ shoes. 

But at the end of TLOU, Naughty Dog didn’t do that. When I finished the game for the first time, I felt deeply unsettled. There was no tidy resolution, no absolution, no assurance that the choices made were the right ones and that things would be okay. That’s not to say it was an unsatisfying ending--I would actually venture to say it was a pretty perfect ending for the story that was being told. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was right. 

(Important side note: that’s not to say that stories with comfortable, happy endings are somehow inferior or not worthwhile. I love and cherish stories that make me feel good, and I think they’re just as necessary as stories with uncomfortable, ambiguous endings. This particular story just happens to be one of the latter.)

So why is it such a big deal that Naughty Dog let players form their own interpretations and opinions of the first game’s characters and story? For some people, it may not be. We all want different things from our stories, and that’s fine. But for me, it’s significant because if there’s one thing that immediately, viscerally pulls me out of a narrative, it’s the sensation that the writer is trying to manipulate me. I crave nuance in stories. I want protagonists with flaws and antagonists with complex, understandable, even relatable motivations. Themes and messages in stories are fine--encouraged, even--but not at the expense of character and story. As soon as I get the sense that the author is trying to beat me over the head with an opinion (even if it’s an opinion I agree with), I start to check out. 

Don’t dictate to me what you think I should feel. Show me the characters and their motivations and choices, and let me decide what I feel. And definitely don’t pull cheap stunts like doing awful things to the characters for pure shock value or just to make the audience wallow in anger and misery.

That’s the thing about the TLOU 2 spoilers. Instead of continuing on with the organic, complicated, nuanced story of the first game, it feels like Naughty Dog picked a side. It feels like they’re trying to tell a portion of their audience, “No, what you feel about these characters and situations is wrong. THIS is the right thing to feel.” It feels like they threw a bucket of water on the shades of gray in the first game in favor of making things black and white in the second. Maybe to an extent, that’s inevitable for a sequel. But it feels like Naughty Dog didn’t even try to avoid it. They could have taken the sequel in any direction they wanted, but they picked the one most likely to cause dissent and anger and anguish among people who connected to the story and characters of the first game. 

(Another side note: I’m not talking about the “dissent” of the vile neckbeard fanboys who are all over Twitter and YouTube spewing their homophobia/transphobia/misogyny. Their opinions aren’t worth a second of anyone’s time. I’m talking solely about story and character issues.)

I knew TLOU 2 would be a story with dark, painful, even disturbing elements just like the first game was. But what I hoped for was a story that would allow Joel and Ellie to continue to grow through the darkness and come out stronger, both as individuals and in their surrogate father/daughter relationship. My fear was that Naughty Dog would take the lazy, easy route of provoking a reaction from the audience by using our attachment to the characters as a weapon against us. And unfortunately it appears that’s exactly what they’ve done. 

Of course, they’re well within their rights to tell this story. They own the IP and they can do whatever they want with it. There’s all sorts of stuff that could be debated about relationships between creators and consumers, whether one party “owes” the other anything, or issues about the balancing act between telling the story you want to tell, and telling one that other people will pay you for. All of that is beyond the scope of this already ridiculously long post. But I do think it’s worth asking why they wanted to tell this particular story, and why they wanted to tell it this way. Neil Druckmann has talked about how the themes of TLOU 2 will center around hate and the cyclical nature of vengeance, etc. And I mean.......that’s not exactly super groundbreaking stuff. Is it necessary to go as over-the-top as possible to tell a story with a pretty basic message? It feels like there’s something more at play here. 

Anyway.

Am I jumping the gun? Maybe. In the aftermath of the leaks, Naughty Dog is insisting that we don’t know the whole story, yadda yadda. I’m sure there’s some truth to that. Context is important. Still, the leaks weren’t just vague hints of what might happen, like spoilers so often are. These were actual video clips taken directly from the game. And it would take a looooot of context to make me okay with what I saw in the clips. Enough that I’m definitely not buying the game the day it comes out, like I originally planned to. I’ll probably watch an LP and then decide whether or not to play the game myself. 

If there’s a silver lining to all this, it’s that these issues are helping solidify what I want to accomplish in my own stories that I hope will be published one day:

Subtlety is key. 

Don’t let the theme of your story overpower the characters.

Make your characters and situations as nuanced as possible.

Write what you want, but don’t toy with your audience. They aren’t playthings for your amusement. 

Except for horrible bigoted entitled dudebros, because screw them.

[kinsey3furry300]

A very confused Star Wars Fan desperately tries to justify their belief that “Caravan of Courage” shows the way forward for the franchise. No, really.

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve loved Star Wars. And I mean, all of it. The books, the games, the Lego, the spin-offs: I even enjoy the Holiday Special in a The Room so-bad-you-just-need-to-see-it sort of way.  But particularly the films. But here is when we run into the big problem: I’m just the wrong age. The original trilogy launched before I was born, the prequel trilogy hit cinemas when I was already a teen and while I went and saw them and enjoyed them, I was at that age where I was self-conscious about seeing a “kids” film, and hyper-aware of how silly and cringy those films were in parts. So my indoctrination, my inoculation with the Star Wars bug didn’t happen in the cinema, and it didn’t happen with any of the main franchise works. It happened on home video, on a skiing trip in the French Alps in the early 90’s. I’d have been about 6, and this was the first time I’d ever been abroad other than to see relatives in Ireland.  And I loved it: to this day I love skiing, but more than that, I have very, very fond childhood memories of this trip. This was shortly before I lost my biological mother to cancer, she’d have received her diagnosis just after we got back from the trip. This was when my younger sister stopped being an annoying screaming thing and became and became an actual person I could talk and play and share ideas with, this was before the combination my mothers long illness and my father having just launched his own IT start up meant I didn’t see him or her any more, despite the fact they were in the same house as me. This was this wonderful, nostalgic child-hood bubble when my family was intact, and nothing could ever go wrong. I skied all day with mum and dad, and would come back to the chalet in the evening. It was an English speaking chalet, I met my first real-life American there, and having grown up in the 90’s in the UK nothing was cooler than making friends with an actual American my own age. He had a hulk Hogan action figure with springs in the legs so if you put him on a hard surface and punched his head down, when you let go he’d jump really high in the air. We used to play with it together in the bath, back in that weird 90’s time-bubble when it was possible to convince two sets of parents that this kid you’d just met was you best friend in the world and of course shared bath time was, somehow, normal and appropriate. And fresh from bath time, tired from the day, the parents would give us some hot coco, dump us kids in front of the tv and grab the first shitty low-budget VHS they could find to keep us distracted while they went to the bar. In this particular time, in this particular place, that shitty low budget cartoon was the  complete set of the 1985 Lucasfilm/ABC Ewoks cartoon, plus the two spin off movies, and to this day that cheap, kitschy, kind of bad series has a special warm and cosy place in my heart. I remember being enthralled by the world, in love with the characters, applied by the bad guys and the injustice they caused (to this day I’m still irate about that time Wicket lost his set of beads documenting his progress towards becoming a full warrior and the older Ewoks basically said, tough, you need to re-earn all those merit badges from scratch. This struck me as exactly the sort of bullshit an adult would pull, and pissed me off) and on tenterhooks about what would happen to the characters.

It was also, by a coincidence, the first ever Star Wars media I was exposed to, and the above combination of events probably explains a lot about me.

So I was surprised, the other day, when scrolling Disney+, to find they’d added Caravan of Courage AND Battle for Endor to the roster in my region. Surely Disney wouldn’t want their slick, cool brand associated with this old trash? Surely there could be no place for this in the post-Mandalorian Star Wars cannon? Surely this is a horrible mistake some intern made, right?

Unless…. What if I’ve miss-remembered? What if it’s not just rose-tinted nostalgia goggles, and it’s, in fact, secretly really, really good?

I rushed to my comfy chair, got a blanket, dimmed the lights, made some coco (with rum in it, because why the hell not?) and sat down to re-examine this lost gem.

And wow: it’s every bit as shit as you’d expect.

It has aged exactly as poorly as you’d expect a cheap, mid 80’s direct to video spin-off to age. Caravan of Courage? More like Caravan of Garbage, am I right?

And yet… I still enjoyed every moment.

And it was sitting there, in my pyjamas, watching a cheaply made direct to video cash-grab from just before I was born, seeing it again for the first time in nearly 30 years, and I realised something.

It doesn’t really matter if this film is bad, so long as I enjoy it. And if it doesn’t really mater if this is bad, then I, like many Star Wars fans, wasted a huge amount of time and emotional effort on being butthurt about stuff I didn’t like about the Rise of Skywalker and it’s ilk. Because somewhere, right now, a tired and frustrated parent is putting Disney+ on to keep their kids quiet for two hours. And they won’t think too hard about what they put on, so long as it keeps little Timmy busy for a bit. Somewhere, right now, a kid is watching Rise of Skywalker, and it’s the first Star Wars media they’ve ever seen.

And that’s okay. Because we don’t know what that kids home life is like. We don’t know if it’s good or bad. Maybe it’s great, maybe it’s about to take a dramatic plunge like mine did, and this moment here will be the cosy, warm memory they look back on in 30 years time, and that’s beautiful.  They’re getting introduced to a fun, wonderful fantasy world that could be with them all their lives, through good times and bad, and as fans we should be happy about that.

Star Wars will never, die: it’s too darn profitable, Disney will never let it. And while I hope they learn from their mistakes and make sure every future Star Wars is a timeless gem of story-telling, statistically, if you keep making enough films, some of them will be bad. And while I’d like them all to be great, it’s still okay if they’re bad.

Because nothing can take away my memories of that week in that chalet. Nothing can take-away my memories of when they put the original trilogy on in cinemas for the special edition and I had my jaw hit the floor with how good it was on the big screen, not knowing or caring who shot first. Nothing can take away you memories of the Original Trilogy, the Prequels, or the Clone Wars. Nothing can tarnish the bits of the sequil trilogy that you like, and there are good bits in there.

But wait, what about continuity? What about the sacred, perfect written time-line that used to exist?

Well, what about it? Have you seen any other big, epic fantasy universe before? They’re all a mess. A work of fiction, particularly fantasy, can be extensive, or tightly written, but not both. Harry Potter is only seven books, and the last two feel, tonally, like they’re from an entirely different series. I love them, but the grim-dark kicked in so fast you’ll get whiplash. The Hobbit is a perfect written self-contained novel, and LOTR is *The* big boy high-fantasy trilogy: fast forward 50 years, and Christopher Tolkien is desperately squeezing every last drop of money out of his father’s corpse by finishing and publishing every unfinished note JRR ever wrote right down to his shopping lists. Even Dune goes of the rails with sequels. I can only think of four fantasy works that are both extensive and consistently tightly written, Song of Ice and Fire, Wheel of Time, Malazan: Book of the Fallen and Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere universe. And even then, the prequels and spin-offs mess with the timelines: the Dunk and Egg novella’s change some character’s canonical ages and timelines, Wheel of Time was going slowly off the rails even before the Jordan died, Forge of Darkness made what was a good metaphor for the creation of it’s world into a literal war deep in the past, and Sanderson’s first Novel Elantris got a re-write to bring it more in line with the rest of the shared universe. The MCU, oft held up as the modern example of tightly planned, well thought out ongoing storytelling, is a lie: it was never as pre-planned out as Disney wants us to think; the first Iron Man, apparently, barely had a script, with Downey ad-lib-ing most of his scenes. None of the MCU films are direct sequels to each-other other than Infinity war and Endgame. There are three Iron Man films, and Three Thor films, and none continue an ongoing story line across multiple films, and the Cap films barely continue an arc, but only where Cap’s relationship with Natasha and Bucky is involved.  Much like these, Star War’s cannon is a complete, nightmarish, confusing, tangled, illogical mess. And it has been since 1984, as Caravan of Courage proves. It was never consistent and well planned.

And that’s okay.

I used to care about plot holes. I used to care about which works were cannon in Star Wars lore. I’m over that now. I’m happy to imagine the books, films and games not as a blow-by-blow historical account of a galaxy far far away, but as campfire stories from within this fun, imaginative world that we’re all invited to listen to. Stories that are in-universe myth and folklore, that we can all snuggle up and listen to while drinking highly alcoholic rum and remembering better times, knowing that wherever the future throws at us, no matter how the world goes to hell around us, we’ll still have the memories, and the ability to make our own new stories in the wonderful Star Wars world we all share.

And that’s okay. No, more than that: that’s beautiful.

Also Star Wars is completely unambiguous on the fact we’re allowed to kill fascists no matter how many times they keep coming back with a new logo, so that’s timely I guess.

So, there’s my hot take two-years after everyone else stopped caring about this stuff, as per bloody usual. Tell me why I’m wrong below, and does anyone else have any truly awful spin-off shows that they kind of have a nostalgic soft spot for?

[sweetrupturedlight]

This week on Sen Çal Kapımı

Serkan's inability to articulate his feelings for Eda has him literally man down, while Eda contemplates their kinda, sorta, maybe mutual feelings and her future. Other stuff happens, but come on, with this episode, Edser takes centre stage as the ship sets sail on the high seas.

Before we jump right into it, last week in this post, I bulleted the things all of us expected was coming. 

Let’s take one moment to note the glorious ways in which all of these things unfolded?

Nursing back to health

Pining

Severe angst

Breaking point

Dear writers of this show, we appreciate you. We are truly blessed.

Now, on to this week. The episode picks up where we left off, with Selin giving Serkan 2 days to decide whether she drops Ferit like a hot potato on the eve of their wedding. Let’s be clear, she wants to dump a man she is supposed to marry in two days to resume a logical and clinical relationship? Is Selin even in love with Serkan? It doesn’t seem like he treated her very well – but then again, it seems their relationship had a very logical genesis – no sweeping romantic gestures, no sweet words, no compliments it would seem! etc. So objectively I’m not sure what exactly makes that prospect better than the one with Ferit – who clearly does love and care for her. But I digress. 

Essentially, this is how it plays out:

Selin: “Let me know in max 2 days if you want to be with me, k.”

Serkan: ...

Eda: Simply exists.

Serkan: Stares directly at Selin as he deliberately grasps Eda’s hand and holds on for dear life.

Now, they say actions speak louder than words... so how is Selin still not clear on the fact that Serkan not rushing to end her marriage means he’s not interested???

Anyhoo, Serkan and Eda spend most of the episode circling around the same.

Did you say yes to Selin?

What is your opinion on my situation with Selin?

Would you stay?

I can’t stay because… reasons

If either one of these to love-struck puppies took a second to reflect, they would realise that they actually have the answers already. Eda in fact, does consider for a minute that Serkan might actually have feelings for her. Serkan however, is convinced Eda cannot wait to get out of his life - which makes his bold move at the end of the episode a great moment for his own growth as a character. He was operating on his feelings and taking an emotional risk, having no idea how she actually felt. Yes, he had the note she left, but up until 20 minutes earlier, he was still fighting Engin on the notion that she could genuinely have feelings for him.

Speaking on Engin, writers, I have faith that we will see Engin mercilessly tease Serkan in the next episode about his heart eyes and his newfound familiarity with the language of love. This is likely going to bring great comedic gold. Its also not lost on me that Engin can so easily see the love between Serkan and Eda, but is totally clueless about his own romantic entanglements. To be honest, I’m not invested in this romance, so whomever he ends up with - or doesn’t - is fine by me.

Listen, I’m high key bursting at the fact that Eda and Serkan both already see the other in their bed(s). Them facing “each other” with longing was one of the smaller moments of the episode, but one of my favourites. And because this show is so good at parallels, I’m putting it out there that we will get a scene of them sharing a bed without Serkan needing to turn his back to her, but also without Serkan ruining the mood once daybreak arrives. Eda is a snuggler and she loves to sleep. I’m looking forward to bedroom shenanigans. Also, can Eda (and Engin) find the pictures of them he’s clearly carrying around in his wallet at this point? Please and thank you.

SIDE NOTE: according to Laila, Serkan has a conference in London “next week” which has been reserved for two people. Since I’m going out on a limb and saying Serkan won’t be travelling with Selin, will Eda accompany him to the UK? One can only hope for a honeymoon romantic getaway business trip.

Adore the “don’t leave” parallels that the show has been dropping like golden nuggets for the past few weeks. Serkan has spent multiple episodes in a struggle with himself. If Eda wants to leave, he insists its not his style to ask her to stay. But by episodes end he is so frenzied at the thought of his life without her, he’s ready and willing to say it m u l t i p l e times. We love a glow up.

Things I loved about this episode:

The handhold 5 seconds in & Eda’s impulsive kiss on his cheek.

The super cheesy let’s-randomly-turn-on-the-radio-and-awkwardly-listen-to-the-exact-song-describing-our entire-love-story. The way I was lapping it up with shovel. Also, Başak Gümülcinelioğlu’s (aka the actress playing Piril) song Sen Çal Kapımı is beautiful. All the fanvids, all the time please oh talented vidders.

Serkan’s meltdown at the office the minute he realised she’s about to leave. Hilarious. I truly enjoy seeing him a little off kilter and a lot out of control. Just looking at how his employees have relaxed since he’s been more relaxed - due to Eda’s influence - is a great subtle storytelling mechanism as well.

Immensely enjoyed Nurse Eda - especially her traditional approach to checking temperatures. LOL. Just a comment that despite Eda believing Serkan and Selin are most likely a thing, she refuses to leave his side in deference to Selin. I totally loved seeing her stake her claim. And judging by the never-you-mind, irritated way with which Serkan basically told Selin to move along, Serkan doesn’t want people around when he’s sick - but he certainly wants Eda.

Serkan going from unable to communicate to “you’re constantly in my head, in my every thought! You’ve taken over my brain! You’ve taken over my entire life!” #FlingsSelfIntoTheSun

THE KISS. Beautiful cinematography, beautiful direction, gorgeous cast, amazing script. Loved everything about it.

Things that broke/confused me

Serkan being a complete dolt and instead of enjoying the woman he loves cuddled up beside him, he takes the time to reiterate that he doesn’t remember their conversation from the night before. SMH. Eda was about to risk it all one last time, and Serkan’s poorly timed dose of realness is the final straw.

The tears in his eyes when she left the office. He was still fighting being vulnerable, even after Eda basically gave him the roadmap with an x for how to achieve success. Thankfully, by episodes end his own desperation at potentially losing her outweighed his “logic” and self preservation. Eda is teaching Serkan that its okay to need other people and that he doesn’t have to shoulder everything alone. #MyEndlessFloodOfTears

Aydan being unable to see how very much Serkan loves Eda and her - bordering on delusional at this point - push for Serkan to marry a woman who inspires no passion, no interest, no life, no spark in him! I understood it initially. But now it’s just comical. Seyfi is clearly team #Edser. I know the Bolat’s have a history of trauma. But pushing Serkan into a loveless marriage, while hurting Ferit and potentially Eda (and Serkan himself) seems absurd to me.

Ayfer’s reaction to the contract was OOT IMO. The show has been quite light handed with drama and this was the first time I thought the hysterics was over done. I understand that it was a shock, I understand that feelings of betrayal and hurt are natural. But a moment of reflection - as well as allowing Eda to explain - would have easily highlighted what Ayfer already knows - that there is a lot more happening between Eda and Serkan than a mere contract. Furthermore, this “Serkan Bolat is the devil incarnate here to take advantage of our poor Eda” is ridiculous. Serkan is a good person - logical and sometimes aloof - but he isn’t devious. If anything, Ayfer getting to know him during their terrarium creating afternoon left her with a good impression of who he is. So unless there are missing scenes somewhere, her suddenly being anti-Serkan feels like a necessity to serve the upcoming plot, as opposed to an organic happenstance. Not my favourite development. This includes her orchestrating Eda’s scholarship in Italy. Feels out of character. But let’s see how it all plays out.

Things I know is coming:

From the fragman, Serkan names a star or something after her #squee

Selin finally getting it

Aydan not getting it

Seyfi being over the moon - along with Melo no doubt

D R A M A about parents and death and cover-ups but I’m ignoring that for now

And most importantly:

Dating

Kissing

Hugging

Giggles

#FlingsSelfIntoTheEverLovingSun #NotPrepared

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Intro to Balancing Your Life || Morgan & Sasha

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @sasha-r-blog & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Sasha drops in on a new class on campus; Morgan is only too happy to offer encouragements.

“…And who is it that determines the definition of humanity? What kind of definitions do we see offered by Victor, or Henry Cleveral, or the Creature?” Morgan asked the class. The students, while not thrilled with some of Mary Shelley’s ‘big words’ had enough preparation to offer semi thoughtful ideas. Obviously, Victor thought he could define what human means. One of her try-hard students, eager to please every adult in sight, posited that while Victor’s definition of humanity is the one that dominates the narrative, the intrusion of the creature’s perspective halfway through the book is meant to compel the reader into questioning its validity. “Yes!” Morgan tossed the kid a candy from her bowl. “The midpoint crisis here upends our expectations through thought, rather than action. It is, structurally, the center, the heart of the story, changing what we believe to be true. But, are we convinced by the Creature’s definition of his humanity? Why or why no–”

Morgan’s timer, the theme song of The X-Files, went off.

“Shit. Alright, that’s time everybody! Do your homework, do your reading, and get ready for Fan-Fiction Friday! And you–” She pointed to the newcomer sandwiched at the corner of the seminar table. “Come see me for a minute. The rest of you: glad you love each other, but please get out.” As the room cleared out she began to gather up her things. “I’ll level with you, I haven’t checked my roster, so I’m not sure if you’re a late add or just checking things out. But either way, I might be able to answer any questions you have better one-on-one instead of just looking at you across the room.”

Sasha watched the other students mingle and leave, a second of nervousness keeping her in her seat before the professor called out to her. It was hard to parse the tone in Professor Beck’s voice when Sasha’s immediate assumption at a teacher saying to “see me” was that she had fuck up somehow. But either way, Sasha walked towards the desk, dodging any curious looks from her exiting classmates.

“Um, hi. Sorry I didn’t mean to cause any trouble by sitting in.” She shifted the straps of her backpack, tugging them against her shoulders, as if the weight would somehow shield her from the awkwardness. “I’m Sasha Rodriguez. You gave me your office hours awhile ago. I uh, didn’t get a chance to visit but I saw your name on the winter session course list  and thought I’d check it out. I’m trying to branch out I guess.”

It took Morgan a few minutes to place the girl. She didn’t give out her school contact information to everyone, but it happened often enough that she had more than one name floating around her head. But the more she looked at her, the nervousness, the eagerness, the closer Morgan got to a hunch. “Oh, you’re the girl trying to figure everything out in college. I’m glad you decided to come by. If you’ve got some spare time, we can go somewhere and talk? I’d love to have you join in the spring, if you like what you’ve seen so far.” She dumped her books and laptop into her bag, and shouldered the load, handling the bulk with ease thanks to her strength. “Come on. Why don’t you start by telling me what you’re branching out from and what you thought about class today.”

“Oh, yeah, okay.” Sasha said as she moved to follow the professor. She still wasn’t used to how casual some professors could be. In high school they made it sound like professors were all strict, no nonsense, and unforgiving. And Sasha had certainly had professors like that during her first semester. But here was a professor throwing candy to students and cursing in class and talking about fan fiction. It was cool, but weird to process.

“I’m in computer science and I’ve only really taken courses in that department and math stuff. Oh, and also English 101, for the gen ed.” Those classes had been a lot different from what Sasha had just sat in on. Even the one English class she took didn’t really match up, that one having been run by an exhausted looking graduate teaching assistant who didn’t seem all that interested in teaching.

“The class was cool, though I feel like a lot of the stuff you were saying went over my head.” Sasha had a moment of internal panic, worried that came off as implying Professor Beck was bad at teaching. “I’ve just never been good at looking into books, but the class was interesting. I was surprised you mentioned fanfiction at the end. I didn’t think most professors even knew what that was.” Oh no, did that sound rude too? Sasha closed her mouth before she could say something dumb. Besides her advisor, if you could even count their meetings as conversation, and Ben, Sasha hadn’t really spoken one on one with a professor before. It still felt a bit surreal.

“Oh, that’s just because you’re coming in at the tail end of the course. I don’t throw my students into the deep end before I’m certain they can at least, you know, doggie paddle.” Morgan smiled good naturedly and lead them up to the main sitting area in the English building, setting her bag down carefully and making herself comfortable. “I can tell you that looking into books isn’t so different from the way you look into the stories in other media. Movies, TV, video games, comic books--our relationship to the stories we engage with say so much about what we envision for ourselves and the world. The more we understand and invest that relationship, the more empowered we feel to take control of our fate.” Morgan stopped herself from saying anything more and laughed, low and self deprecating. “Oh, jeez, don’t tell the other professors I said that. But, anyways, yes, the aforementioned reasons are what fan-fiction and other forms of counter-storytelling are so important. But more important than that is doing something that’s going to challenge you in positive, enjoyable ways. And making time for a little fun.” Morgan held her fingers up, like this much. “Can I ask how the rest of college is going for you, Sasha?”

Sasha followed her and sat in the unfamiliar sitting room. She gave a small smile as Professor Beck talked about stories and how people related to them, finding that she had been nodding along without realizing. She stopped once she did, somehow worried that it came off as over eager, as if a professor would ever get mad at someone being interested in what they were saying. If only the professor knew how close that hit to home for her. All those stories of kids getting superpowers, it was real. As if it had jumped straight off the page. As if Sasha had willed it into being. In the back of her mind Sasha wondered how she would have reacted to suddenly growing calls if she hadn’t grown up on comics and superhero movies. It felt like the blueprint to everything now.

Lost in her own thoughts she was a bit startled when the professor’s tone shifted. “No, no I agree, I think. I think all that stuff is important. Storytelling. I mean, I’m not much of a reader but comics and games and movies have been really important to me.” She wished there was a major in that stuff. Or crime fighting. She’d be on the dean’s list if her nightly patrols counted for credits.

“It’s been going okay. I mean, I don’t really do much outside of classes. I’ve been trying to do more but I mostly keep to myself.” It was the same thing she had told her advisor and Professor Campbell, but more and more Sasha felt silly for saying it. It wasn’t like she did nothing, just nothing related to college life. But it wasn’t like she could tell her professors she was protecting White Crest. Or at least trying to.

Morgan noticed Sasha’s interest and perked up at once. “You know, we do cover films in my class,” she said, grinning slyly. “And books. But still. It’s the same kind of thought process as with books, so it might as well be given its time and place. There’s plenty of other courses like that in this department, even a film and media studies minor. You should do what makes you happy, because undergrad coursework doesn’t matter half as much as you think it does. It’s all internships and jobs and connections and recommendations that help you get anywhere. And this place, college, has a lot of flaws and problems, but one of the best ways to make it worth it is leave knowing as much as you can about the things that matter to you most.” But that was about all the pitching she was willing to do on behalf of her class. Besides, being a student at UMWC came second to being a kid in White Crest. Morgan couldn’t help but look at the girl and wonder what this place would do to her. Morgan pushed the thought away, she couldn’t let herself focus on a big, bad future like it was some kind of unstoppable force.

“This might sound silly, coming from a professor who just tried to recruit you to their class, but I hope you do find other things besides school studies. There’s a much bigger world out there, and you should have something else in your life. At least friends and playing video games or going to Al’s at one in the morning or whatever kids your age do now. Life is for doing stuff, you know? Whatever it is you’re thinking about doing or joining, you should go for it!”

“I never really thought about taking a minor. I didn’t know they had one about film.” Honestly, more and more Sasha felt like she hadn’t planned much of anything when it came to school. Or life in general. But she supposed she could change that. If anything this talk had made her actually interested in looking into classes, something she had mostly breezed through doing in the past, simply checking off the boxes of what she needed for her degree. But if the professor was right and it didn’t matter that much... “Maybe I’ll try looking into classes for film and english and stuff like that. They seem fun. At least the stuff you were talking about seems fun.”

Maybe it would make school more interesting, instead of something Sasha went through the motions of to get to her real job. “Real job,” as being a superhero paid. As if she wouldn’t one day need a day job. College was a convenient way to pass the time and something she was told she had to do, but it would be nice to actually care about it, to feel like she was actually doing something.

“I do have hobbies...” Just none she could tell Professor Beck about. “But yeah, I should probably try to do more. I wanted to check out the library. I was supposed to help out with the comic collection there as a volunteer thing. So that’s a start I guess.” It had almost slipped her mind, but that was something she had been genuinely excited for. It was just hard to remember stuff like that during the day when she was normally up all night. Her nightly patrols had turned her days sluggish and uneventful, filled with quick naps between class and maybe some video games alone in her dorm before she put on her costume and went out again. And she loved doing it, of course she loved going out at night to keep White Crest safe. But at the same time...

“Do you ever just get really focused on one thing?” Sasha asked the question before she was thought about it, but decided to keep going, even if it was dumb. “Like, you have something you like or is important and you just focus on that and everything else just kinda blurs into the background?”  Sasha rubbed nervously at the back of her neck. “I don’t know if that makes sense. I guess sometimes I feel like that. But I don’t know if I want to change it.”

“The library is a great start!” Morgan said. “You’re going to learn so much, and probably find people who have similar interests to you when they come to check out materials. But I hope you do other stuff, not for credit, just for you. You’re only going to be young once--” Hopefully.

She couldn’t help but smile at Sasha’s notion, that hyper-focus was something rare or embarrassing. “Oh, all the time. I have some art projects that I do on the side, and I can get so lost in my carving that hours can pass by so easily. Same with baking, or cooking something really involved. It’s almost like you’re connecting to something else, outside of or beyond you. There’s you, the thing you’re doing, and this energy it gives you, right?” Morgan watched the girl’s expression to see if she was getting it right. “Even if it’s just kind of like that, I don’t think you should change it. Whatever that thing is, it sounds to me like the universe is giving you the green light to keep going.”

Sasha nodded, giving a small smile. She was happy that Professor Beck seemed to get it and not think it was weird. Sure, Sasha's focus wasn’t on crafts or cooking, but it was the thought that counted. Her mind lingered on what she said about being given a green light. Really, what was a bigger green light than getting her powers? But she knew there was more to it than that. There had to be a reason it was her. She had to be able to do something with her powers, something to really help people. It was comforting to have the professor say she was right, that the universe wanted her to do what she was already doing, but there was a pang of melancholy knowing Sasha couldn’t tell her, or anyone, the truth. How much did advice and validation matter when the person saying it didn’t know the full truth?

She shook the thought from her head. “Thanks. Sorry, I didn’t mean to ask you a bunch of weird questions when I came to sit in. I think it would be cool to try out one of your classes though if you still have room for students.” Sasha chased away the worry of struggling in a class she wasn’t used to. If worst came to worst she could always drop that class. At least it would be something new, something she might actually end up liking.

Beaming and unawares, Morgan took out a post-it from her bag and scribbled out the class information before handing it to Sasha. “Don’t be embarrassed about questions,” she said. “Questions are how we learn. You’re never going to find anything interesting if you always leave well enough alone.” She stood up, getting the vibe that Sasha had opened up all she felt like so far. “I hope to see a lot more of you this coming semester,” she said. “Hoping even more that you do something just for you, but.” She put a finger to her lips. That’ll just be our secret.

“Thanks. I’ll try to keep asking them.” Well that was one social interaction that didn’t go horribly. Wasn’t great that Sasha considered that a victory for herself but she was going to take the feeling of accomplishment anyways. “And I’ll try to do stuff for myself too.” That was going to take more work than just registering for a class, but maybe it wouldn’t be the worst. She couldn’t promise herself she would put in the effort though. Tucking the post-it note into her backpack she smiled and said goodbye to Professor Beck. Maybe a few new classes would be enough to make her college life, and her daily life, seem a bit more exciting and a bit less like time to just get through. But her patrolling White Crest at night was still more important. Professor Beck didn’t have to know that part though.

[solacefruit]

hello! something i really enjoy about your stories is how naturally you blend worldbuilding and stories within the actual story itself - do you have any advice on how to do that effectively? i always worry i'm going to too far into "just listing off facts about the world" in the middle of a story if i try and include TOO much worldbuilding, but i'm a big lover of worldbuilding and have a hard time not planning out every detail

Hello there! Thank you so much. Stories within stories (fun fact: this technique is called mise en abîme or mise en abyme) is something that I’m really enthralled by and that I’ve worked hard to try to get the hang of in my own work, so it’s wonderful to know it’s something you enjoy about my writing! That feels very good to hear. 

As far as advice goes, I can offer the following thoughts:

Whatever amount of world-building you think is enough, go slightly under it. What I mean by this is that very often less is more when it comes to building a world (see my notes on Pullman’s Northern Lights here). By using a bit of restraint and cutting things down just a touch on your final edit, you can help yourself resist the thrall of the too much gene that many writers experience when talking about their world-building. Ask yourself “does this need to be here, or am I just excited to share it?” 

Unfortunately, if it’s just the latter, it’s probably a good idea to trim it: lean storytelling keeps readers hungry, and hungry readers usually ask for more. Trouble is, as a writer, you’ve got to be the one to remember that it’s always better to leave while a crowd is wanting more than stay until the crowd is begging you to stop. (cough several media series we could mention cough)

An example of this would be in a world where there are ten gods. In your first chapter, you don’t need to list all the gods. You can maybe mention one or two, and perhaps imply there’s more. Immediately, that creates mystery and a sense of a larger world; a reader gets to wonder, who are these other gods...

You mentioned you’re a planner, so I want to reassure you: keeping the story trim doesn’t mean all your planning is wasted! If you, the writer, knows the details of your world, it will come through in everything you write. The fact you know all the answers means you have a lot of control over what you want to reveal, when, where, and how. Which leads me to:

When possible, world-build obliquely. What I mean by this is that a lot of world-building can be done in subtle ways, that leave impressions of the world without having to be told directly by a character. You also can stretch out details, sprinkling them only here and there, meaning that it takes multiple chapters to piece together concepts or institutions or other world-building elements. 

Doing this can help make it never feel like an exposition dump or listing off facts, because you’re putting only tasty little morsels in (sometimes hidden) for readers to find or look back on later. The reason for it is the same as why keepers will scatter-feed animals in enclosures: enrichment. If you dump it all in one place, the animal will eat, get full and/or bored, and won’t feel good. But if you make it into a puzzle to solve, the emotional reward of finding and figuring things out for yourself is so much nicer than whatever you’re finding, usually. (Sorry to keep using animal metaphors for readers, but like... it works).

An example of this would be something like:

Anwar turned the corner onto the opulent mosaic path of the shrine district and continued towards the temple of Kenuf, furthest from the city centre. On either side, acolytes of all kinds were leaving offerings--jars of salt for Meshut, baskets of yellow lilies for Pesht--and the air was thick with the smell of incense, making his eyes water slightly. He walked as quickly as he could past the grinning crocodile faces carved on the outer wall of the second last temple, before greeting the black-robed bell-keeper outside of Kenuf’s shrine.  

I’ve made this up off the cuff so none of it “means” anything, but if we look at what’s here, we learn the following:

there’s at least four gods, possibly more

Pesht’s devotees leave yellow lilies, but we don’t know what Pesht is god of yet

Meshut’s devotees leave jars of salt, but ditto above

Kenuf’s shrine is furthest from the city (does this imply it is least favoured? or maybe least used?)

all gods seem to be named in consonant-e pattern (pe-, me-, ke-), but we don’t know yet if this is meaningful or coincidental (but if you wanted it to be, make all gods and maybe royals have this same pattern and just... leave it. let your reader infer from the text that the pattern signifies divinity)

the unnamed god is represented by crocodile iconography

the bell-keeper of Kenuf wears black robes (is this a uniform, or just a fashion choice?)

Anwar does not feel comfortable with the unnamed god in this passage (scared? disdainful? a mystery...)

A “too much” passage would offer lengthy descriptions of every shrine, listing what the offerings were and what the acolytes and other staff wore and Anwar’s thoughts about how he felt about each of the ten gods. It’s not impossible to write something like that that��s good, I do want to point out! But if you’re looking to slim things down, less is more, space out details over multiple chapters. 

Write for your ideal reader, who is clever and attentive. Some writers fall into the habit of over-explaining their world (resulting in info-dumping) because they don’t trust their readers to get the “right” vision of their world, or because they’re worried readers will overlook all the cool stuff they’ve put in. I can recommend not doing this and part of getting to that point is imagine you’re writing for the perfect reader of your story, who does get it and will look for all the cool clever tricky things you sneakily put in. Will every reader be that person? Definitely not! But if you write for that reader, you will elevate your work, rather than dumb it down and make it heavy with unneeded hand-holding. 

This kind of overlaps with the above in the sense that it boils down to “you’re allowed to leave things out, let readers make the intellectual leaps based on the pieces you give them” but it’s also saying that you’re allowed to let things rest. Put in subtle symbolism and never draw attention to it. 

Additionally, as the creator, you know all the information about the world, which is a huge power and means you can choose the exact right moments to reveal meaningful, revelatory details. For example, somewhere around chapter three or four: 

Anwar closed the door of his room, walked to the wall shrine, and fell to his knees, pulling the curtain aside. 

“Ye’emer, it is done,” he said, looking at the floor. “It is finally done.”

In the distance, the bells of the temple of Kenuf began to ring: a strident sound, sharp and mournful. The dawn acolytes must have found the body already. 

He reached forward, carefully placing the offering on the black silk of the tiny altar. The chips of animal bone looked like stars at night, bright white in the dark. 

“I don’t know why you chose me,” said Anwar, forcing himself to look up. 

The burning eyes of the crocodile statue stared back. 

And now you get to go ohhhh. You know the name of the god now, you know the offering, you know (or at least can speculate better at) why Anwar felt so uncomfortable near the temple. If you time when you reveal world-building details, you can make them do so much work for you in telling your story. 

Make up lies about your world--or at least, untruths. This maybe sounds counter-intuitive, but there is a logic in it. Most of us are not experts on our world, and your characters should be the same. They should be biased in their perspective, or limited by what they know, or perhaps even inclined to embellish details. If two characters talk about the same event, make them have personal feelings about it! Unless your character is a historian, their account of a historical event probably isn’t going to be totally correct or certain about all the details, and that’s not a bad thing. You can use that to weave in ambiguity or intrigue, or leave out important facts that will become relevant later, or contradict it later with a different telling and make the protagonist have to question who to trust or what’s the truth. 

As a species, everything we do is stories. The concept of a nation is a story we tell ourselves about what it is to be “us.” Who we each are is a story we are always telling to ourselves: I am me because I do x, I am me because I don’t do y. Often, these things aren’t The Truth so much as they are A Truth, so when it comes to writing stories into your stories, don’t forget to think about the stories characters are telling themselves about who they are. And remember that all characters are unreliable narrators, because they’re people and they’re filtering the world through their perspective. You can do so much with that. 

Use stories to create meaningful parallels for the larger narrative. If you’re featuring a story (which I’ll call tale from here, to cut down on confusion) within your story, it needs to be doing something more than just telling the reader facts about the world or passing the time. One way to make sure you’re doing that is thinking about parallels, which is to say, think of how the tale can impact the “real world” of your story. This might be the protagonist having a realisation or plot breakthrough, or later deciphering out important information or applying ideas from the story to a problem they encounter. 

You also can (and often should) create tonal and emotional parallels within the tale as well and/or use tales as a form of foreshadowing. For a very basic example, in a story that involves a protagonist who gets trapped in a big horrible maze later in the book might feature a version of Minotaur in the Labyrinth as foreshadowing, and the character might have a fleeting thought about it that later will resurface with new significance. 

I hope some of this is helpful to you! Good luck with you writing, and please write in again if there’s anything I can help with. 

tl;dr: my tips are:

do a little less and space out what you tell your reader

don’t say directly what you can imply or gesture vaguely at

write cleverly and time your moments

make use of ambiguity

make the story impact the real world

[panharmonium]

some disjointed thoughts about stranger things 2 under the cut (concealed to hide spoilers from my sister)

so, season 2!

i’ve gone into every season of this show knowing absolutely nothing about it.  i’ve had no exposure to the fandom or to reviews or anything that would indicate what it was about or how good the seasons are in relation to each other, which i like, because i know my opinions are my own.  season 1 i watched back in the winter, i think, and it was amazing.  blew me away. 

i just finished season 2 and i’m like...not as into it?

and i’m glad i had no preexposure to anything, because if i had, i’d worry that i was just being influenced by other people’s opinions, but i genuinely don’t know what people think of the various seasons.  i’ve been stringently avoiding anything about this show, have it blocked on tumblr, etc, so i could watch it cold.

i’d have to watch it again to really pin down the places where my investment was flagging, and i’ll probably do that eventually, because i know my roommate will want to see it, but my general impression was this: they had me hooked in the beginning, and then they started to lose me.

- i feel like overall it was 9 episodes where very little substance actually happened.  plotlines were stretched out over a reallllllly long period of time and became paper-thin.  like nancy and jonathan?  the only thing they really did over those entire nine episodes was make a tape recording and send it to the paper.  that was their whole story, and it could have fit in one episode.

- and what did happen felt like it suffered from a lack of focus.  can i explain this in more detail without watching the show again?  not really.  but i just mean that in S1, i could tell you what each of the main character’s arcs were, and i could lay out how those arcs had clear beginnings, middles, and endings.  in S2, i can really only do that for El (and even that i feel like got messy by the last third).  

- the horror vibe was different this season.  it was LESS scary, to me.  S1 was a CREEP factor that had my skin crawling - it wasn’t like...creature horror - it was the unsettlingness.  the whole parallel world thing was so - well, the only word for it is unsettling, like.  you felt like you could take a step and accidentally wind up somewhere no one should be - the idea that you can be trapped so close to somebody and yet so far away - you just felt like the world was inside out (or upside down, if you will).  and so much of the fear in the first one came from how incomprehensible and uncertain the entire situation was - you didn’t know how things worked and nobody believed you when you tried to tell them what was happening.  that scene where the christmas lights spell out R-U-N?  scariest fucking thing i’ve ever seen.  but S2 changed it to be like...it felt like more of a monster flick.  like a zombie movie or something - lots of creatures running around that you can just shoot with a gun - that’s just not really the same vibe as the first season, and i didn’t find it quite as interesting.

- i don’t want to be That Person, because i liked maxine as a character in general, on her own terms, but from a writing perspective - what even was the purpose of her introduction?  her and her brother both, honestly, the whole family.  i feel almost bad for saying that, because i can guarantee that there were people out there complaining about her being introduced because “they just wanted to have another girl; it’s so stupid, blah blah,” cue more sexist stuff, etc, and that’s really not where i’m coming from, but for me, from a general storytelling perspective, i don’t understand why she or her family were introduced.  they were superfluous to the story.  they didn’t need to be there.  and since i don’t even feel like the returning characters got enough development this season (see point #2), i don’t understand why we spent so much time on her/her family/her introduction to the Party.  it felt like filler.

- stranger things S2 did that thing teen wolf does where 2/3 of the way through the season it drops a tonally-different expository/flashback episode that does a lot of the legwork tying other shit together while also being completely disconnected from the rest of the plot, which is basically an info dump and is my least favorite way of relaying plot/getting characters to the spot the writer wants them to go.  i think kali was the most interesting new character we met this season; i was rapt every time she was onscreen, but i don’t love the “we’re going to shove all of the character development and background info into this one episode and at the end El has had her turnaround and goes back home.”  it didn’t feel believable to me.  are we ever going to see those people again, or were they just a plot convenience to serve the aforementioned purpose?  (idk, i haven’t watched S3 yet, so...we’ll see.)

- some weird...minor tonal changes/dropped plots?  in S1 one of the running undercurrents was how mike and nancy’s mom wanted them to talk to her and she really did care about what was going on but they couldn’t connect to her and that bothered her, whereas in S2 it’s like - that theme has been dropped; she’s not involved in their lives really at all, and her and ted’s spousal relationship is just being played for laughs, and there was that REALLY weird scene with her like...lusting after billy??????  that was so fucking bizarre.  

and until one line in the very last episode, they dropped the whole thing about hopper’s daughter, too - the way they wove that into the first season was brilliantly done, and just - you don’t see a bit of it in S2, and that felt off, to me.

- killing bob was a bad call.  it was gratuitous, AND it was contrived - who the hell is running for their life and then just stops dead in the lobby to smile at their girlfriend?  ANY SENSIBLE PERSON WOULD KEEP RUNNING FOR THE DOOR.  like - bob died, but the doctor survived????????  the doctor, who was attacked and immobilized and defenseless in a stairwell, somehow wasn’t killed??????  of course not, because he needed to survive, so he could get El her papers later....that entire thing irritated me.  it made no sense.  that was actually the point where i said to myself “uh-oh.  first Bad-with-a-capital-B decision this show’s made.”  

- lack of consistency in terms of how, exactly, Stuff Works.  in S1 it was like - the Upside Down is everywhere.  the demigorgon could come through anywhere, if you were unlucky.  that was part of what made it so creepy - there’s this whole other world and it is RIGHT THERE with you, and sometimes the fabric separating the two universes gets scary thin, and bam, you’re somewhere no human has any business being.  whereas in S2 it’s like - ok, things are coming through this one portal and spreading through tunnels underground, in our own dimension???  like at first i thought hopper had actually entered the Upside Down in the tunnels, but then it seemed like the tunnels were still on our plane, just gross-looking.  so why in S1 could the demigorgon come through the ceiling of will’s house, or through that tree in the woods, or take barbara through the pool?  why did the lab people think burning that little gate would help, when the first monster from last season was obviously popping into our dimension from all sorts of other places?  

- this is a minor quibble, but it was driving me up the WALL in the last couple of episodes - what in god’s name were they injecting will with???  and HOW.  mike just grabs that syringe off the counter like “we need to make will go to sleep” - there is NO reason that anyone in the room would know what was in the syringe or what the correct dosage was or HOW TO GIVE AN INJECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE.  joyce gives it???????  by stabbing straight down????????  into will’s arm????????????  what the hell kind of injection technique is that?!?!?!  that’s not....how that works.  ever.  and maxine does it to billy too, in his NECK - just straight in there.  there is no....look, people in human medicine can weigh in better than me here; maybe things are different, but just from the veterinary perspective, you can’t just stab a creature any old place you want, and giving something via any route that isn’t intravenous isn’t going to drop an animal immediately, AND you do not have control over how long they’re going to be out.  if you give a sedative, you can’t just wake an animal up by wafting ammonia under their nose.  AND the animal is likely not going to be actually asleep until you also give an anaesthetic induction agent, and if you do give an anaesthetic induction agent, you’d better have some monitoring equipment and a breathing apparatus hooked up to your patient!

look, it just - the “go to sleep” injection was used to solve too many critical situations for me to just ignore it.  it bothered me.

anyhow.  overall, i didn’t hate it.  but i thought it was way less cohesive than the first season, and therefore way less effective.  i’m still curious to see what happens in S3, but my expectations are lower now. 

[if you wanna talk to me about this, you have my permission, but ONLY if you’re able to do it without talking about S3 in any capacity, including your own personal evaluation of how good/bad it is in relation to the other seasons.  i like to watch without knowing other people’s opinions of things, otherwise i feel like my viewing experience is colored by what i hear.  thanks! :) ]

[butterflydm]

ep7 WRU Rewatch

I feel like I learn new things about Fighter and Tutor every episode, and I kinda love it. They feel like such complex, thought-out characters. I also love – if a show is gonna do the multiple pairings thing, I actually do find myself enjoying the way that Why R U? is doing it.

It feels like there’s a thematic reason that we’re exploring these specific side pairings, and that they relate back to something either Fighter-Tutor or Saifah-Zon is going through (whether that be about performative affection or putting up emotional walls or pretending not to like someone you like, etc). It adds to that feeling of thoughtfulness. WRU has strong comedic elements, but it also has a sincere heart, I think.

Some odds and ends:

Tong pouts the same way that Tutor does. Siblings for sure. 💖

Tong was just wonderful on many levels. I loved her scenes with Tutor so much -- you could see his sweetness echoed in her and his strength, too. And she was such a good sister, with great advice. Tutor had a gentle coming-out scene with her that just felt so soft and kind and loving. And their goodbye near the end was my favorite scene of the episode, tbh. Her conversation with Fighter was also great -- she saw this nervous goose of a man and reassured him in multiple ways that his affection for Tutor was both needed and welcome. What a sweetheart.

The compare-contrast of Fighter-Tutor being non-genre-savvy vs Saifah-Zon being perhaps overly genre-savvy is something that I find a lot of fun. Part of the drama vs comedy line between Fighter-Tutor and Saifah-Zon is that Saifah and Zon are both aware of BL/romance novel tropes and how they’re falling into them, while Tutor basically laughed off the idea with Zon back in an early episode. 

I find myself deeply interested in the implications of Hwa trying to keep the fact that she’s now dating Day a secret from Tutor, specifically. I mean, she’s doing an awful job, but it’s interesting to me that she’s trying to do it at all, considering that she chose to confide in Tutor (and only Tutor) about the roadbumps in her relationship with Fighter.

There’s a few possibilities that I can think of (list not exhaustive):

a. actually having Kissed A Boy who was willing to ask her, out loud, to be his girlfriend has made her realize exactly how… little Fighter was giving back in their ‘relationship’ and now that she has something that feels real, she wants to keep it private for a while, even from her, well, let’s say ‘best friend’ for now. Most generous possibility. Kinda cute and romantic. Doesn’t lend much to future drama. If the Hwa part of the Fighter-Tutor storyline is wrapped up, then this is probably her reasoning.

b. Day is a rebound and some part of Hwa is aware of this and doesn’t want to commit to anything in front of anyone. Kinda shady. Could lead to future drama.

c. Hwa doesn’t plan on telling anyone any time soon because she wants to still be officially ‘seeing’ Fighter for the sake of what’s happening with their parents. This has definite drama potential for the future if they wanted to go that route.

And, for any of these, it does seem that Hwa – like many characters in the show– felt the need to put up a protective facade for most people, including her friends. She always did her best to pretend that everything was going great with Fighter. And that pretense makes the task of telling those friends that she’s suddenly dating Day... maybe a little daunting. Does she claim to have broken things off with Fighter? (but then what if he publicly contradicts her?) Does she admit to essentially being dumped? (because even if they weren’t officially dating, all of her friends certainly had him roped off as ‘possession of Hwa’) And then almost immediately getting together with someone else? So, I understand why she might want to keep it under her hat for now.

One of the things that I’m really enjoying about Fighter and Tutor is the range -- they can do sweet and tender (Fighter wiping away Tutor’s tears!!!) or they can be passionate and lustful.

...and speaking of lust, as I’ve seen mentioned in a couple of places since I first watched the episode, yeah, Fighter definitely looks down Tutor’s body after he suggests ‘proving it somewhere else’. Mmmhmm. Well, the poor guy does have a whole year of frustrated lust locked up behind all those claims of just ‘teasing’, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Still, though, in public, Fighter?

It was another fantastic kiss, though, and I feel like WRU has done a good job in having the kisses be part of the storytelling process.

[h-e-l-l-b-r-o-k-e]

Can you give us any tips on writing? You are brilliant!!

Y’all don’ know how freakin’ flattered I was (still am!) receiving this!! Gosh… I wish I could you guys a step-by-step guide into my writing process but I honestly don’t have one, though I really wish I could help. Writing, for me, has just always sort of come naturally. Probably because I’ve always had a hyper-active imagination, which I began applying to writing in first grade (around age 6). I still have that first notebook I scribbled many little stories in as a child. I was daydreamin’ a whole lot back then and I’m still daydreamin’ now. It’s sort of ridiculous how much I miss out on because I practically live inside my head. It’s quite bad in some aspects. Anyways, I’ll try my best to give you some tips, even though I’m a horrible teacher!

1) Prep!!!! If you’re not already inspired by whatever thought or idea has been floating in your head, you need to beckon your mind into finding and holding on to that inspiration. Or, in the words of Troy Bolton, “Get’cha head in the game.”

Some things that help me:

Create playlists: Find music that you enjoy, but that doesn’t hold too many personal memories (though there could be exceptions). Playlists should stay consistent in tone (even when you don’t know what to write about yet), and overall consistent in ambience. Creating such playlists help to create another world in your head. A world in which you can visit and revisit in between writing projects. Wanna take a break from project #2 and return to project #1? No problem, just go back to its respective playlist and it’s like you never even left. It sounds crazy, but it works for me. You begin to associate everything about your story with the playlist you created for it, and your story will act like personal memories associated with that playlist. Don’t rush yourself in creating these playlists. Sometimes it literally take me days to craft the perfect jumbo of songs.

Revisit your past experiences: Think about the crazy things you’ve been through. The bad. The good. The ugly. All of it. But, don’t hurt yourself doing this. These memories often spark something in me, even if it’s just the tail end of some aspect of an idea (could be a certain tone for what you want to write, an object, a protagonist/antagonist or even just a minor character, or even a blurry situation—these are all things that your imagination will have to expand upon afterwards). Even if you don’t revisit your past, your brain will usually incorporate aspects of yourself and your experiences into your characters and story, and sometimes you won’t even realize it until much later. Trust me, I know.

Study strangers and people you know: Just, please, don’t be a creep about it lol. Well-played characters from movies and TV shows work perfectly fine as well. Study how people speak—or if your studying a film/show, study their lines. Study behavior, why people do the things they do, why people say the things they say, and so forth. By understanding behavioral patterns makes it easier to create genuine characters who feel real. There’s a lot of psychology at hand.

2) Write. Really. That’s it. Just do it. It’s such a blunt piece of advice, but it’s so true. You can’t get any writing down if you don’t just write. It may be complete crap, but it’s okay because a first draft is meant to be tweaked, revised, and polished. And, make as many drafts as you want to polish that sucker up.

Here’s a few things I like to do and things to keep in mind:

Take a break. After finishing that first draft, relax for a couple of hours or days, or weeks, to freshen your mind. When you return to make the second draft, you’re more keen to mistakes, such as grammar, phrasing, and disruptions of flow.

Details have to serve a purpose. When writing a story, almost everything in it has to have some sort of purpose (small, big, or somewhere in between). Whatever it is, does it enhance your character’s personality, their motives? Does it enhance the plot? Will it make it easier for your readers to empathize with said character? If you mention some thing about your character, make it serve a purpose even if it’s minor. Storytelling is like a puzzle for you to figure out.

Defamiliarize! One of my creative writing professors based her whole course around defamiliarizing clichés and it is honestly the best advice I’d ever learned from someone else. This challenges you and pushes your creativity further. Give your readers something they won’t really expect, and that will leave a lasting impression. However, this is not necessary whatsoever but it is great.

Show don’t tell. Gee, how many times have you hear that one? I heavily believe in this piece of advice, or rule of thumb if you will. However, remember to mix things up. Sometimes it’s okay to tell instead of show. Though, show ratio should outnumber the tell. Showing is great for building suspense and tension.

Include different sentence structures and rhetorical strategies; don’t always start with pronouns. You don’t want to have a robotic voice that makes it seem like an instructions manual. Metaphors and similes are fun strategies to include. Plus they always come from within your prowess.

Ever heard of method acting? Become a “method writer.” Immerse yourself in the world you built for your story. Become one with your protagonist (know that fucker well lmao). Feel what it is your characters are feeling. Act it out. Research the living hell of whatever it is you’re writing about. It makes it easier to have a genuine narrative. It also makes it easier to write it out.

Expand the world your narrative is set in. I love doing this, and I always receive positive feedback on the little details I include in my stories because it makes them feel authentic and realistic. The real world isn’t flat, and your story’s world shouldn’t be either.

Delete any subject pronouns feeling, seeing, hearing, etc. stuff. For example: He saw the bird flapping its wings. Change it to: The bird flapped its wings. Sometimes they can flow well within the narrative, but most of the time its highly unnecessary.

Don’t ramble. Don’t info-dump. I have trouble with this, and I usually have to reel myself away from doing this. It’s a habit, and just like how I love to hear myself talk, I love to see myself write. Rambling takes away what’s at hand in the story and info-dumping overwhelms the readers. Instead, slowly ease your reader into that important information. Sprinkle the knowledge throughout your writing like breadcrumbs.

And, most importantly…. Everyone’s writing style is different because everyone is influenced by different novels they read, different music they listen to, different films they watch, and the different lives they live. Don’t feel like you need to imitate someone else’s writing style to be considered “good.” Instead, stick with what feels natural to you but that doesn’t mean you can’t….

Experiment with styles! It’s fun and you can learn a little bit more about your own unique style through this.

[ertrunkenerwassergeist]

Born Into the Wilds - Chapter 8

Hey guys! I finally finished another chapter. This one was a blast to write. HAve fun! Link to AO3.

In which more fishy things are coming to light.

Featuring: the wonders of bureaucracy, snark, Nyx the reckless idiot, Luche's sense of humour and Drautos' ugly past rearing its head

Warnings: smoking

List of Words:

Galahkar = person of Galahd sinehär gisdrauht = Elder Storyteller makti-oir = war chief, commander-in-chief, warlord; lit.: leading hunter mahir = mother ahtri = spirit; umbrella term for everything from actual nature spirits to the presence of their ancestors kohna = swearword; along the lines of shit cünaniu = a moot, basically a publilc gathering to debate stuff. Held by selected Elders and has to be an odd number

The apartment was a battlefield of loose papers, open folders, half empty plates and cups of tea. Nyx sat on the floor in the middle of it all and inhaled his tea at an astonishing rate. Blue eyes stared sightlessly at the folder in his lap, a pen dangling between his fingers and an open notebook next to him. The paper was stained with brownish rings where he had put his cup down and some of the tea had spilt over.

It was currently shortly after lunchtime and already Nyx felt tired enough to sleep for the rest of the day. He snorted into his cup and focused back onto the profile page of Axis Arra. There was nothing on it Nyx didn't already know or couldn't ask the man directly, but he had figured talking to every single Glaive would take up too much time, so he had asked Luche to get him the basic information of every Glaive currently active. As the Captain's adjunct it would be easier for him than anybody else.

The blond man had looked like he had been ordered to bath in behemoth shit, but only two hours after Nyx had asked, Luche had come back, his expression just as sour, with a stack of heavy folders in his arms. No one had any idea how he had managed to do this so fast, and no one dared to ask. The Lazarus Clan was scarily effective like that.

Axis' profile didn't contain things like medical history, his place of residence or if he had any dependants, but his preferred weapon – a crossbow – allied Clans – Bellum, Lazarus, Dala and Altius – Clans the Arras feuded with – Aliquantus – and his hunting patron – Artemis – among other things. It was not the first time any of this information had been written down, but it was the first time it was all in one place and so comprehensive.

Nyx glanced at the stack of heavy folders balancing next to him and wondered what to do with them all once he had finished his task of restructuring the units within the Kingsglaive into proper hunting groups.

This would be so much easier, if he didn't have to do this within the confines of the already existing structure. Nyx' gaze wandered from the folders towards his own notes that were a mess of names, arrows and question-marks. Captain Drautos had once said he had done what he could within the parameters given, but now that he was actively looking, Nyx could tell just after a few hours that something was off.

Why would he put a Najad within the same Unit as a Pontos when it was known by everybody that those two would sooner murder each other than work together? He could understand placing them within the same Troop since those had been decided upon order of admission and not necessarily skill-set, but the same Unit? That was just asking for a disaster to happen.

A loud curse interrupted his train of thought. Nyx gaze shifted towards Pelna who was sitting at his tiny dining table, typing away at his laptop. He fished out what looked like a list from somewhere within the chaos on the table and crossed something out.

“What's wrong?” asked Nyx and tried to loosen the tense muscles in his neck.

Pelna looked at him, the skin around his eyes tight and his mouth pressed into a thin line. “I've been looking into the current suppliers of the Glaive, like you asked me to. It's a right mess,” he said with a grimace and held up the paper. “I used the Moogle Network to cross-check the list Luche managed to get. There's one company – it's called WEAPON – that supposedly specializes in magic conductive weaponry and something about it is strange.”

“It must be more than strange for you to look like that,” commented Nyx.

His spine cracked uncomfortably as he stood up. Carefully he picked his way towards the table around a census of every Galahkar living in Insomnia, to-do lists and a colourful explosion of post-it notes. Pelna gave a rueful grin.

“WEAPON isn't the only weapons company on the list, but it's the one most of the Glaive's budget goes to, which is strange because they don't supply us with nearly enough weapons to warrant that amount.”

The laptop screen showed a chart full of numbers Nyx couldn't make heads nor tails off. They seemed to be sums of money ordered by company and what they provided. It was scarily detailed.

“And Luche gave you this list?”

Pelna shook his head. “Not exactly that one. He was able to give me a list of what exactly each company provided and how much they were paid in general, but no specifics. He said he couldn't get more because the secretary of the acquisition office came back from her coffee break before he could find the files. I've been looking up each company, looking for prizes and adding them up with the stuff we have in inventory. And before you ask: I got that information from Hephaistos. He still owed me one.”

Hephaistos Gohlann had lost a leg to an MT with a flamethrower during combat. Now he worked a desk-job in the Glaive that Drautos had gotten him as a favour. Mostly the man now managed their logistics.

Nyx hummed thoughtfully. That sounded like a heck of a lot of tedious busy work. “How big is the Kingsglaive's budget anyway?” He was a bit embarrassed that he hadn't thought to look that information up sooner since it was kind of important to what he was doing. He just had never thought he would be in a position to need this information.

“That's the thing,” said Pelna with a frustrated shrug. “I can't find the correct numbers anywhere. They should be easy to find and open to the public – well, mostly – but they aren't. I can find the Yen they put into every other Division but the Kingsglaive. The Captain always said we didn't have enough money, but I can't verify that and with that big chunk of our money that gets pumped into WEAPON...” He shrugged.

This was... concerning, and one more point on Nyx' ever growing list of things that needed to be done. He carded his hands through his hair and sighed. He needed a break.

“Can you work it out?” he asked.

Thoughtfully, Pelna chewed on his lower lip while his fingers drummed out a lively staccato on the edge of the table. “Depends. If I have enough time and Crowe can help me juggle the numbers, most likely. It might take a while though. What do you want to do with this information anyway?”

“That's fine. I'm not sure yet, but it seems prudent to know how much money you have and where it goes, don't you think?”

“That's basic household management,” replied Pelna impressively unimpressed, and held out his own empty tea cup. “Now be a dear and make some fresh tea, while I sacrifice my precious free time for you.”

Nyx huffed an amused laugh and took the cup without further comment. It would do him good to do something else with his hands for a bit anyway.

A comfortable silence fell between the two. A slight breeze came through the open door of the apartment and rustled the papers with a quiet whisper. Nyx had given up on closing it with how many people had come to see him already today. It was kind of ridiculous, if he thought about it. For members of Clans that were traditionally under Ulric protection, Nyx had always had an open door policy, but now it seemed to include every Galahkar within the city.

First it had been sinehär gisdrauht Istoria shortly after daybreak with the census, then Luche, much to Nyx' surprise, and then Pelna had shown up before he had to go to work. After that it had been one person after another, most of them Clan Heads wanting to affirm their loyalty towards the new makti-oir. It was done with very little ceremony, but now he had a growing pile of Clan beads carefully tucked away in his bedside table and no clue what to do with them.

That was something that they didn't have to do, but was generally expected anyway, so Nyx had put up with it. After a while he just hadn't bothered anymore to close his door. Why do it when he had to open it five minutes later again anyway?

He was rooting around his cupboards for one of his tea mixes with a bit more of a kick behind it, when Libertus came in.

“Hey, guys. You still have something to eat? I'm starving. Where do you want me to put these?”

Nyx looked up and stared at the files in his best friend's arms in horror and disbelieve. “Where did you get those from? I can't see my own apartment floor under all this paper, and you bring even more?”

Like the asshole he was, Libertus just shrugged and dumped the files in Nyx' armchair, before he sniffed at a sandwich lying on a plate next to it. Nyx shared an exasperated glance with Crowe who had come in behind him. Pelna glanced up for all of one second before he went back to his work, used to ignoring the antics of the three around him with years of practice.

“This looks like you lost a war,” commented Crowe with a smirk on her face.

“Oh, you're free to help,” grouched Nyx and pulled out a box of tea leaves with a triumphant “aha!”.

Crowe stepped into the apartment, careful to not disturb the chaos on the floor, and took the tea box out of Nyx' hand.

“Hey!” he exclaimed and made a grab for it.

Crowe held it out of his reach and turned her upper body away. She made a shooing motion towards the door with her free hand. “You step out and take a break, Nyx. If you don't get your allotted amount of fresh air, you'll crawl up the walls and drive us all crazy in the process.”

“Gee, thanks,” said Nyx and made a face.

He would never say it out loud, but it was true. Being cooped up for too long made him twitchy and grumpy, the open door not helping in the slightest. So he stepped outside without complaint and went up to the flat roof of the apartment complex. The air wasn't necessarily fresh, it smelled of exhaust fumes and home cooked meals, but there was a nice breeze caressing his face.

The last few days had been such a whirlwind of activity that he hadn't had the time to really process all of it, and now that he was alone with his thoughts, it all came back in a staggering force. Clenching his hands into fists to keep them from trembling, he stared up to the underside of the bridge stretching over his head.

He still felt like he didn't deserve those powers. There were so many other people who could do so much more with them, Crowe most of all. But he didn't regret having them, he realized as he watched a spark playfully dance over his knuckles. With this power he could keep old wrongs from repeating themselves. This time he would protect those most important to him and everybody else.

Maybe I should train a bit more first, he thought as the playful spark turned into a tiny bolt of lighting that fizzled out a metre over his head as he lost control over it. That could have hit somebody.

He could most likely convince Crowe again to spot for him, her ability to just understand magic was priceless. He should probably ask Axis, too. The man wasn't part of a mage unit, but he specialized in augmenting his close combat with magic.

Maybe he should also invest in some blades that could channel magic and lightning better than the two sets he had now. And the best weapon smiths he could think of were... Ariadne and Archyll. Nyx mouth twisted into a bitter grin. Of course it had to be those two. They were distant relatives of his from his mahir's side, twins, that had made it quite clear they didn't want to talk to him again after he had joined the Kingsglaive. That argument was something some people still talked about on occasion. But maybe if he came to them in a professional capacity – as Head of the Ulric Clan and not a relative – he could talk to them?

It was strange, before any of this had happened they had never talked to each other much when they had come from the next settlement over to visit his mother, and even in the short time between her and Selena's death and him joining the Glaive, they hadn't talked much. Too much had been going on back then. But now he missed them dearly. There was family right there, and he couldn't talk to them because they didn't want him to. The weight of that rested heavily in his chest.

“Ah, there you are, Nyx. Libertus said that Crowe practically threw you out of your own apartment.”

Nyx whirled around, a growl rumbling in his throat that morphed into a pleasant purr and a grin as he saw Luche standing near the stairs. He cursed himself for being so inattentive. Luche stepped up next to him; the air around him still carried a touch of caution.

“That's about right,” Nyx muttered and wondered if he would growl and hiss at everything and everybody who startled him. That would be inconvenient.

For a moment they both stood there, side by side, leaning against the railing and watching the people below. It was a hive of activity. There was a liveliness there, that had been lacking only the day before. It was good.

He groaned as his thoughts drifted towards the Lucians. What by ahtrii was he supposed to do?

“You need to present them with some concrete demands and a position you'll not budge from, come scourge or raging fire,” said Luche, a cynical twist to his mouth.

Had Nyx said that out loud?

“I want...”, Nyx stopped to think about it. What did he want? “What I want is for every Galahkar to have a better life here, for us to not have to worry that they'll take our children away because we 'can't give them the appropriate care'. I want for us to be able to walk through these streets without shame, debt or guilt. I want our homes back, to hunt in the jungle and swim in the sea. I want to hit Aldercapt in the face and eat his heart.” I want my mahir and sister back.

Next to him Luche snorted.

“What?”

“I don't know about eating Aldercapt's heart. It must be very much spoiled now, if it was ever edible at all.”

“You're probably right,” conceded Nyx with a grin on his face. “I still want to rip it out of his chest and bury it in never melting snow.”

“Every Galahkar still living, will jump at the chance to help you with that.” Luche shifted his weight until his hip rested against the rail, facing Nyx. “You might be able to make everything else possible. How far along are you with reorganizing the hunting groups?”

“Maybe a third of the way through?” Nyx shrugged. “It's a mess and I keep to need to start over. The Captain said he formed the best units he could under the constraints given, but...”

“There's something off”, finished Luche for him.

“Yes! Everybody knows you don't put a Najad and a Pontos in the same hunting group. That group has the highest rotation count because those two keep trying to kill each other, and we can do nothing about it”, Nyx growled, eyes flashing.

Luche's gaze was guarded and calculating. He was clearly pondering something that had bothered him for some time now. The other Glaive had become strangely distant over the last few months. Nyx would admit that some part of him had worried.

“You should restructure the whole thing from the ground up, no matter what the Captain, the General or any other higher-ups say”, Luche said at last, making Nyx do a double take in surprise.

“That's... wow. Just wow. You think I should do this regardless of the consequences? The one who always goes on about rules and regulations and heeding the chain of command. Are you sure?”

“You're makti-oir, it's your given right to do this. It's your duty to do this. And regardless of what some people might be whispering behind my back, I'm of the Lazarus' and my Clan is as much of Galahd as any other.” Luche's face might as well have been carved from stone as he said this.

Nyx couldn't hide his wince. He had heard those whispers himself and he hated them. The Lazaruses were traditionally jewellers and also a Watcher Clan, a duty they shared with the Drautos Clan with the distinction that the Lazaruses lived partly in Tenebrae and the Drautoses in Lucis. That made them a little different from the other Clans and created spiteful whispers more often than not.

“Will you help me?” he found himself asking.

Luche twitched in surprise. He obviously hadn't been expecting that. “You want me to help? Why?”

“You know the rules”, Nyx shrugged. “Ours and those of the Lucians. You've got practice and experience with coordinating people and making them do what needs to be done. You know how to talk to the Lucians.”

“I know what you're trying to do, Nyx. You're not very subtle”, Luche said with raised eyebrows.

“Is it working?” Nyx wore a cheeky grin.

With a sigh, Luche shook his head. “Damn it, yes it is. Just because I know how I need to phrase things around Lucians so that they don't think me an 'uncultured barbarian', doesn't mean that they're listening to me. I can be your people wrangler, but The King and his ilk are your problem.”

Kohna. A man could hope.

“Thank you, Luche.”

“Hn, you're welcome.”

A companionable silence settled between them. Nyx was relieved. He had known that he wouldn't have to do this all by himself, but now he knew. Luche could help him wrangle the Lucians, while Libertus helped him wrangle the Clans, Pelna dug through the Glaive and Crowe helped him figure out the accounting. For the first time he felt like he could actually do this without failing horribly.

Luche searched through the pockets of his threadbare jeans – those looked very uncharacteristic on the normally very correct man – and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Nyx shook his head when he got offered the packet, and with a shrug Luche put one between his lips. Nyx stood upwind of Luche but still he grimaced as the smell of burning tobacco reached his nose.

The blond man took a deep drag of the cigarette and blew out the smoke with a quiet sigh. “It's nice and all that we came to an understanding, but that's not why I was looking for you in the first place. Captain Drautos sent me since you seem to have fried your phone.”

“It was an accident.”

Luche's stare told Nyx what the other man thought of that. It really had been! Kind of. Anyway. Nyx threw the man next to him a petulant look.

“Great, and now I'll be late to whatever the Captain wants from me. Thanks a lot, you idiot. For the record: If he asks, I'm blaming you.”

Luche gave an undignified snort and waved his free hand as if to say like I care. And he cared, more than he should, Nyx knew. Instead of commenting however, he jumped on the railing with all the grace of a lazy cat and grinned.

“Shouldn't you change into something more appropriate before you go?” asked Luche, his lips twitching in amusement.

Nyx' grin grew wide enough to show the barest hint of teeth. “Then he shouldn't have asked for me during my sick leave”, he said and jumped off the railing.

Even from his position two storeys below on a windowsill, he could hear Luche's barked laugh. Who knew the man had a sense of humour.

Drautos stared at him like a man who knew he should have seen this happening from kilometres away. Nyx stood there, utterly unrepentant in an old pair of comfy leather trousers and a loose tunic with colourful patterns showing never ending knots. His bare feet flexed against the ground. He probably should have fetched his shoes before going. Too late now.

“Care to tell me what's going on?” barked Drautos, obviously not happy.

“I'm on sick-leave, Sir.”

The Captain glared. “Cut the crap, Ulric. What went down yesterday?”

Nyx blinked in surprise. “A cünaniu was called and I was invited to speak,” he said slowly and carefully, nearly like he was speaking to a young child. Why were they talking in Lucian again?

“A cünaniu”, he repeated flatly. His mouth had an unpleasant twist to it.

“Yes, Sir.”

Drautos stared at him. Nyx stared right back. They were in a strange stalemate, trying to out-stubborn each other. Too bad for the Captain that no one was as stubborn as an Ulric.

“What was the topic?” he asked at last.

“My last mission and my meeting with King Regis. No one was comfortable with those articles and the press lurking around.”

“And are you...”

“No. Sir”, Nyx interrupted the Captain rather forcefully.

An empathetic nod was his answer. Drautos shifted his weight in his chair, a thoughtful frown on his face. Until now this meeting had gone better than Nyx had expected, but he knew this wouldn't last.

“Sir”, he spoke up after a moment of silence. Better to get this done with. “I was voted makti-oir.”

Drautos froze. It was like someone had slammed the curtains shut. Suddenly the Captain's whole being seemed to be an empty canvas, lacking any expression that could be a clue to his inner musings. It was in all honesty very disconcerting to watch, and set Nyx teeth on edge.

“And what”, Drautos said, his voice nothing more than a tightly controlled whisper, “do you plan to do now, Oirkar?”

Nyx very carefully suppressed the urge to hiss at the man in front of him, but he couldn't quite help the snarl tugging at his lips, his magic sparking in aggravation.

“We're going to overhaul the Kingsglaive. If it stays like it is now, it'll collapse in on itself sooner rather then later. We cannot let members of feuding Clans on the same units. You can clearly see with Rani Unit what a bad idea that is. No other has such a high death count because two people will rather try to murder each other than kill the enemy. Now we finally have the leverage to do something about it.”

The with or without you was clearly heard.

“And you think you can just waltz into the Citadel and make the Lucian Nobility listen to you because you got voted in as a 'barbarian warlord'? Because that is what they will think, Ulric, and they will try to stop you every chance they get. Do not forget that to them, we are nothing more than worthless refugees, living in their great city at their mercy.”

There was a hurt there, old and festering. It was an ugly thing and Nyx had never seen it in the Captain before. It completely took him aback. Not for the first time Nyx wondered what had happened to Drautos on his way from Galahd to here, but as always no answers were forthcoming.

“They will listen, if they want to keep us all here”, he snarled. When he realized which words had left his mouth, he shut it with a click, just as surprised as Drautos was.

“You would make every Galahkar still living, leave the safest place on Eos, because of – what? A temper tantrum because things are not going the way you want them to?”

Nyx' teeth ground painfully together, he was clenching his jaw so tightly. Drautos sighed.

“Be that as it may. I know I cannot stop you. Just know that I warned you.”

Nyx forced his jaw to unclench. The muscles protested rather painfully. “Of course, Sir.”

“Good. Now go, Ulric, and don't let me see you again until the next mission briefing.”

He nodded and stalked out of the room, his field of vision warping in a way he was starting to get increasingly familiar with.

[janeofcakes]

FJW: Chapter 13

** Hello and Happy Mother’s Day to anyone that applies to! I join you tonight with another spellbinding chapter as I sit in bed with my laptop and my guilty pleasure playing in the background. I intend to do some typing and editing after I post. Gotta keep up and definitely, definitely not disappoint. Sadly, my meds have been knocking me out all weekend. Give me strength with positive Johnlock vibes. Haha. Y’all are the greatest. Thank you. **

John has been home for three weeks now. He has one week of physical therapy left, having continued to make such great strides that Dr. Hoover believes his work nearly done. John tends to agree. He is perfectly capable of nearly anything he could do before. At least, he thinks so. John has remembered precious little since his move back to Baker Street. A fact he finds very troubling.

He is not entirely discouraged, however. Sometimes when he’s reading a book he has actually read before, the words become familiar and he remembers something about the first time he read it. Maybe a feeling or the sun shining through the window and onto the floor of the flat or the expression on Sherlock’s face, the look in his eye. Other times, John will glance up from a book to see short scenes play out before his eyes. Sometimes he can hear what the players are saying and others it’s like someone has pushed the mute button on a remote control. No scene is ever complete and they seldom make sense. He always needs another piece or two of information, but never gets it. John often considers telling Sherlock. Perhaps he would fill in the blanks. He has not yet tested that theory.

Sherlock and Rosie burst through the door to 221B. The little girl drops her school bag and tears off her coat. She tosses it to its hook and hits the target perfectly. Sherlock raises a brow, following her slowly.

“Daddy!” she calls, making her way to the sitting room. Sherlock listens from the kitchen where he starts water boiling and begins collecting ingredients for pasta sauce. “Daddy?”

She walks into the kitchen with a perplexed expression on her face. Sherlock doesn’t even have to look over his shoulder to know she is there and what she is about to ask.

“Do you want to help with the sauce?” he asks. Still frowning, Rosie pulls the three-step stool from where it is slotted between the refrigerator and wall. She unfolds it and pushes it up to the counter next to her father. He hands her the open jar of tomato paste and a spoon.

“Where is Daddy?” she asks, spooning it into a pot.

“Well, he was at physical therapy until five, as you know,” he begins chopping an onion. “Lestrade picked him up to go to dinner.”

“We’re going to a restaurant?” her eyes are bright and excited.

“No,” Sherlock turns his head, “Daddy and Lestrade are going to a restaurant. You and I are making dinner right now. To eat at home.”

“But why can’t we go to a restaurant too?” the girl pouts.

“Because Daddy and Lestrade want to talk. They haven’t had the chance since Daddy came home. They were good friends before Daddy went to the hospital.”

“I want to eat at a restaurant.”

“We’re making spaghetti, remember?” Sherlock holds out the cutting board covered with chopped onions. “You were excited about this all the way home. Now, are you helping or not?”

Rosie casts her eyes upward and quickly decides to abandon her strop in favor of dumping the onions into the sauce. Spaghetti is her absolute favorite and making the meal with her papa is even more fun than experiments. It’s always amazing how he knows the recipe without even opening a cookbook.

***

After dinner and the washing up, Sherlock settles in at his desk with his laptop. He is reading one of the cases from John’s blog. People still comment and send private messages, even though it has not been updated in years. Sherlock has found new clients nearly every time he has visited the website, not that he’s looking. His only desire ever to read John’s words and see into his mind again. While John was unconscious, the blog and his mind palace were his only solace. And Rosie, of course. They were the only ways to see that beautiful mind, the mind of the man he missed so much. Now that John is awake and even in the flat, Sherlock has found some relief, but the bulk of John’s mind is still shut off to all of them. Sherlock finds himself drawn to the blog, especially when John is not at home. He has the need for that connection they have always had through cases. That which they lack now, John still having no idea they have ever worked together.

As Sherlock reads the case, recalling the details and marveling at John’s skill as a storyteller, he glances toward the fireplace where Rosie appears to be setting up a colossal matchbox racing track. The release point is attached to the mantle, making for quite a sizable drop to gain the momentum required to make it through the many turns and loops in the track. She has made use of her blocks and dollhouse as supports for the drop, having already learned that the cars just fall off the track when it simply hangs from a tall spot. Sherlock smiles at her ingenuity and returns his eyes to the screen before him.

A couple of cases later, he feels a little hand on his shoulder and turns his head to look sideways at his daughter. As per usual, she has pushed the footrest up behind his desk chair to stand on so she is at his eye level.

“Have you tested it?” he smirks.

“Not yet. I’m taking a break,” she tells him with her eyes on the laptop. “What’s dee-cape-itation?”

“Decapitation,” Sherlock corrects. “It is having one’s head severed at the neck.”

“Severed?”

“Cut off.”

“Oh,” her expression is somewhere between disgust and intrigue. Sherlock grimaces.

“This is probably not the best reading material for you.”

“But it instrests me.”

“Irrelevant. It is inappropriate for a five year old.”

“Then you shouldn’t read things that are so instresting to me.”

Sherlock lets out a quiet laugh and pulls her into his arms. She giggles, grabbing both shoulders with her little hands and holding tight as he stands.

“Let’s test out this track, shall we?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

***

John leans back in the booth at Greg Lestrade’s favorite pub and pops a chip in his mouth. He laughs at his friend’s jokes as they share stories - police work, living with Rosie and Sherlock. A lot about Sherlock, to be honest. Greg tells some choice tales from crime scenes that have them both in stitches. Greg spears his fish with a fork and brings it to his smiling lips as he finishes a particularly amusing one. John tilts his head back and laughs heartily.

“Oh my god, that is priceless,” John looks to Greg again and then glances around the pub. Greg laughs around his bite and readies another. John turns to him again, sobering a bit. “This is a great pub.”

“It is at that.”

“Did we used to come here a lot?” he asks. Greg swallows the food and watches his friend, his smile fading a little.

“We did,” he nods. “When we wanted to relax or needed to talk. Or you wanted to get away from a certain detective. He can be quite a handful.”

Greg smirks, but John remains serious. There is something on his mind and he has to talk with someone before he goes spare. John studies the DCI with a narrowed gaze. His fingers hover around the rim of his pint as he decides how to best approach this.

“Can we talk now?” he tests the waters. Greg inhales deeply and gestures with his hand.

“We are, aren’t we?” he comments jovially.

“Not quite what I mean,” John fixes him with steady eyes. Greg grows more serious as he picks up his own pint from the table.

“What’s on your mind?”

“It’s Sherlock,” John wets his lips. “He’s troubled.”

“Troubled?” Greg asks in confusion. “About what? A case?” Greg’s eyes go wide and he leans toward the table, suddenly very concerned. “You’re all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s not that,” John sighs and rests his elbows on the table, his fingers toying with his half-full pint. “There’s something I don’t know, that I don’t remember and Sherlock seems to...to dread it.”

“Have you recalled anything since you got home?”

“Not really. Sometimes a conversation or a feeling. Maybe part of a scene playing out, but it never comes together. It’s all so murky.”

“I’m sure it’ll come to light.”

“Yeah, but when?” John persists. “And why is Sherlock so disturbed by what I might remember? Can it really be so bad?”

“Well,” Greg purses his lips and contemplates John’s questions. He knows so much more about John’s past than he does right now and John wishes Greg would just tell him what he wants to know. He knows it is far better for him to remember his life on his own, but waiting is so damn frustrating. And feeling like he’s making no progress at all and what the fuck is Sherlock so worried he’ll remember?

“There were a lot of cases. A lot of enemies. It’s a recipe for danger.”

“But what does that have to do with me?” John looks befuddled, and irritated. “They were Sherlock’s cases.”

Greg’s eyes go wide, the beginning of panic, the realization that he’s said too much. John can see it all on his face before he schools it. If John could hear Greg’s thoughts, they would be curses. The DCI clears his throat and shifts in the booth uncomfortably.

“Right. Sherlock’s cases. You’re right,” his lips are a thin line and he bites his upper lip. His eyes dart away from John’s and he grabs his pint, hurriedly taking a pull.

John observes every detail thoughtfully. Greg is clearly nervous about what he just said, but it seems so innocuous. John had worked at a surgery. Sherlock worked the cases. Neither had anything to do with the other, but Greg’s words hinted at it. John narrows his eyes, considering the possibilities. Greg assumed John would know what he meant and became anxious when he realized John did not know. He said something he shouldn’t have and it is now absolutely essential that John know what it is this minute. His deep blue eyes grow wide as the pieces fall into place.

“Unless,” he begins, “someone kidnapped me. Used me to get to Sherlock?”

Greg’s gaze is locked on John. He doesn’t reply, taking a large swallow of beer instead. John hit the nail on the head and can’t help a satisfied smirk. Greg puffs out a bemused breath.

“Christ, you’re more like him every day,” he mutters. John’s lips curl down and he leans in, even more serious than before.

“He told me for years to not just see but observe. I finally feel like I can.”

“Did he now?” Greg places his nearly empty pint back on the tabletop, his face grim. He meets John’s eyes with a weighty gaze and there it is.

It pops into his mind and immediately fills him with a sinking feeling. It is on the edge of his brain, but won’t come into focus. This pane of glass is one of the darkest, like his mind doesn’t want him to ever know what it hides. An image flashes through his thoughts like lightning and he gasps.

“What?” Greg asks on high alert. “What is it?”

“I…” John opens his eyes, not even aware he had closed them, “remember a coat. A parka. And a swimming pool?”

Greg straightens and presses his lips together firmly. He pushes his pint closer to the center of the table.

“Look, John, I think we should talk about something else. This isn’t the place for that.”

“For what?” John challenges. Greg just shakes his head, looking at him with regret. Frustration peaking, John barrels on. “Fine. Fine. Then we can get back to my first question. What is Sherlock so afraid of?”

“John,” Greg begins, his voice filled with sincerity, “there are so many things you don’t know yet. A lot has changed.”

A hot flash of anger courses through John’s body. He wants to snap at his friend, tell him that Sherlock repeats that same sentence every fucking day. Okay, an exaggeration, but still something that pisses him off. He is acutely aware that he remembers virtually nothing about important parts of his life and the man he loves. He doesn’t appreciate having it thrown in his face, thank you very much and fuck off.

But John does not snap at Greg because his last four words stop John cold. ‘A lot has changed.’ Of course it has. Maybe that’s why Sherlock is so worried. John was in a coma for five years, a long time to be alone with a small child to raise. Maybe Sherlock met someone. Fell in love with someone. The very thought squeezes John’s heart sharply and pain bursts into his chest.

“Have I really changed that much?” he shakes his head in dismay. “Am I so different?”

Greg’s expression sparks in surprise before quickly settling into sympathy. He leans in intently.

“Oh, no, John, no. You are almost exactly like you were before. You’re still a good man. Always have been.”

“Almost?” John glazes over the rest. He is different and, even if it’s small, it’s driving Sherlock away.

“John. God, I know how that must sound, but it’s not like that. If anything, you’re more patient than you used to be.”

“More patient?” he questions, raising his brows.

“Yeah, but you act the same, think the same, more or less. Your personality hasn’t really changed, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“What I’m worried about is Sherlock,” John’s tone is all business. He may not remember being Captain Watson, but he can certainly adopt the persona when he wants to. “Things are so different between us.”

“You remember how it was before?”

“Well, no,” John clarifies, shrugging, “not as such. It’s more like assumptions, really. I have no doubt that we were happy and now… He’s happy, but he’s also sad. And scared. That’s what really bothers me.”

“Scared?”

“Yes. He’s scared of what I don’t know and what I’ll remember,” he pauses, taking care to gauge every detail of Greg’s reaction to his next words, “or what I’ll find out.”

His friend furrows his brow, his face somewhere between disbelief and utter confusion. John feels frustration building within, threatening to take over his brain. Sherlock has made every effort to make John comfortable since he moved back into the flat they once shared, but he goes out of his way not to touch him or change clothing in their bedroom at the same time. Or kiss him. God, why won’t he kiss him?

“He’s...distant at times,” John tries to find a way to explain and fails. Greg’s expression changes to one of knowing, certainty - like it’s to be expected.

“When he’s in his ‘mind palace’,” he raises his hands to make air quotes. “Yeah, he does that.”

“Look, I know that. He explained that,” John exhales his frustration. “This isn’t when he’s thinking. It’s different. Times when it makes sense for him to touch me or…”

Greg’s brow is down again, a frown on his lips. John swallows hard. He may as well go all in.

“Like when we’re in bed,” he goes on, abandoning all notion of decorum. He has held this in for so long and can stifle it no longer. “He doesn’t come near me. He doesn’t snuggle or sleep facing me. He won’t even hold my hand.”

“You..” Greg struggles to find the words. He look utterly befuddled. “You sleep. With Sherlock. In his bed.”

“Yes,” John answers simply. Greg blinks once and gapes at the doctor. He has absolutely no idea what to make of that. John is not entirely sure why Greg is so shocked, but fixes him with determination and continues. He’s too close to voicing his real concerns now and he can’t turn back. “Greg, do you think it’s possible that Sherlock doesn’t love me anymore?”

His friend’s face goes completely slack and a rush of breath puffs from his mouth. He leans back in the booth and looks at John for a moment before licking his lips and leaning forward again.

“No, John, there is no doubt in my mind that he loves you. But he doesn’t want to push you. You haven’t been awake long at all and you’re still recovering. It’s going to take some time, that’s all.”

John’s shoulders drop and he sighs, disappointed and frustrated. Gutted.

“I know,” Greg continues quickly. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s the reality of it. He wants to give you time. To remember, to be comfortable. Everything he’s doing, everything he’s done for the last five years, and even before that, has been for you. Just hold on. It’ll all make sense eventually.”

***

John white knuckles the armrests of his chair and his whole body tenses. He stares wide-eyed at the woman standing before him. The corner of her mouth curls up as she levels a gun at his head. He racks his brain, trying to find a plan of escape where there is none.

“I want to destroy my brother,” she tells him in an indifferent tone, “and the only person he cares about is our brother. His precious little brother.”

Her lips curl all the way into a broad smile. It is eerily familiar and pure evil. Her eyes are emotionless, unreadable, dead. She blinks slowly as she takes a step closer to his chair. He is frozen.

“The only person his precious little brat cares about,” she stops and tilts her head, eyes locked on John’s, “is you.”

John darts out of the chair as she pulls the trigger and misses, but the barrel follows his movements and she squeezes again.This bullet explodes into his forehead. The impact throws off his trajectory and his body falls to the floor awkwardly, landing on his left hip and shoulder. It should be painful, but everything is eclipsed by the searing burn of the bullet in his head. Or has it passed all the way through? John can feel the wet of the blood surrounding his cheek. It is growing larger, enveloping his head as his mind slips away.

“Rosie!” his mind screams loud enough that his head twitches. God, his little girl, his baby. He can’t leave her. She has no on else. No one.

John hears the woman’s footsteps as she comes closer to finish the job and he closes his eyes. Or are they open? He can’t tell anymore.

“Sherlock!” his mind screams again. Even louder this time. “Oh god, Sherlock. Please don’t let me die.”

John can’t see anything. He expects the shot. One shot is all it will take. Instead, a pounding vibration fills his ears. It is more noise than he has ever heard before and yet, it is quiet and far away. He hears footsteps hurry away and a cracking, splintering of wood. Footfalls rushing near, his name, and a pale face surrounded by dark curls comes into view. Or is he imagining that face?

“Sherlock,” John knows he isn’t really speaking, but he continues anyway. “Sherlock, I love you. Take care of Rosie.”

The detective is gone and there is nothing but blackness. It isn’t until that moment that John realizes his eyes were actually open all the time. Or was it no time at all? But now his eyes are closed. Never to open again.

“John. John,” the deep baritone fills John’s ears and he can feel strong hands on his shoulders. His eyes fly open to see a pair of panicked silver-grey eyes looking back. They look like...like hers.

John thrashes his legs and thrusts his arms up in between Sherlock’s, pushing the man’s arms away from John’s body roughly. The detective pulls back like he’s been burned. Without taking his eyes off those shocked grey eyes, John sits up and scrambles backwards until his back hits the headboard. The two men stare at one another apprehensively. Sherlock is on his knees at the foot of the bed, his arms still outstretched at his sides after John’s escape. He lowers his chin and looks at John gravely.

“John, it’s all right,” he says firmly. “You are safe at home. It was a nightmare.”

The doctor continues to stare. He doesn’t move a muscle. Why the hell would Sherlock not tell him he had a sister? A psychotic sister. If the dream is to be believed, and John is absolutely convinced it was a real memory, John had no idea at the time that his so-called therapist was a Holmes when she shot him. Why wouldn’t Sherlock have told him?

“John?” Sherlock draws John’s focus once more. He has not moved his arms and holds his palms out so John can see them, his fingers splayed wide as though John is a danger to him. “John, can you hear me?”

“Of course I can hear you,” John hisses. “Why wouldn’t I be able to hear you?”

Sherlock doesn’t move and his posture is beginning to annoy John. He isn’t some dangerous caged animal, ready to lash out at anyone who crosses his path. The detective continues to watch him with a measured gaze.

“You had a nightmare.”

“A memory, more like. And a bad one at that,” John lets out an almost involuntary puff of air, just tinted by a humorless laugh. He sets his shoulders and jaw, and then wets his lips. “I remember a woman. The woman who shot me. Your sister.”

Sherlock’s eyes close slowly and his face falls. His arms move to hang at his sides in defeat. John watches his flatmate sink from standing on his knees to sitting upon his calves and feet, his legs folded beneath his body. His shoulders slouch and he looks away as he opens his eyes again. When he finally meets John’s gaze, his face is pained, his eyes filled with such sorrow and resignation.

“Her name was Eurus. She was a year younger than me. She posed as a therapist to gain your trust.”

“She said she wanted to destroy Mycroft,” John says quietly, not wanting to push too hard.

This topic clearly brings Sherlock great pain. Sherlock told him in the hospital that the woman was dead, but never mentioned who she was. John thought it was because it didn’t really matter at that point, but now it all makes sense. Why Sherlock didn’t offer any information and why Mycroft was so interested in what John could remember. As much as he would love to spare Sherlock this pain, John needs to talk about this. He needs to know and he has to understand why Sherlock didn’t trust him all those years ago.

“She you were his weakness and I was yours.”

“Oh god,” Sherlock’s voice breaks. “I’m sorry, John. I’m so sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” John whispers as his eyes fill and shine. He shakes his head. “You couldn’t trust me?”

Sherlock’s eyes widen, lips parting slightly and then he ducks his head down.

“I didn’t know,” he begins unsteadily. He looks back at his friend to see confusion, wrinkled forehead and furrowed brow. “I had no idea I even had a sister. She...did something terrible when we were children. I was so traumatized I rearranged my memories to exclude her.”

Without even thinking, John lets the question slip past his lips. He regrets it immediately, but hasn’t the chance to take it back before Sherlock answers.

“What did she do?”

“She…” he pauses to steel himself and John feels like an ass for asking. The look in Sherlock’s eyes tells it all. He is about to apologize when Sherlock speaks again. “She lured my best friend to an old well and pushed him in. Mycroft couldn’t make her tell where it was and our parents wouldn’t believe she was responsible. Victor was never found.”

“Jesus, Sherlock,” John whispers in utter disbelief. His friend has such a far away look in his eyes.

“Then she set fire to our family home. It burned to the ground. No one was injured. Mycroft was already being courted and groomed by the government, so he used his contacts to manufacture Eurus’ death and held her in a maximum security asylum on an island. She grew up there and when she escaped…”

“She set about her revenge,” John interjects. “God, Sherlock, I’m sorry.”

“It was my own weakness that put you in danger.”

“You were a child.”

“If I hadn’t altered my own memory, I could have warned you.”

“I doubt that would have made any difference.”

“I could have protected you,” Sherlock insists, the tension in his voice growing.

“Stop,” John’s tone is commanding, yet gentle. He moves onto all-fours and crawls to sit on his calves inches from Sherlock. “You blame yourself. You have all these years. It’s not true.”

“It IS true.”

“No,” John’s hand is on Sherlock’s cheek and the man nearly gasps from the surprise of it. “You suffered a major trauma. You can’t blame yourself for what your mind did to survive. And if you’d known, you would’ve warned me, but would I have suspected my therapist? Would you? No.”

“John, I…” his hand closes over John’s and his eyes glisten with tears.

“You have been everything I needed you to be. I need you. So does Rosie.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Yes, she does. You’re her father and she loves you.”

“I’m not her father.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Not her real father.”

Sherlock’s face is cupped between both of John’s hands now. His left thumb brushes away a falling tear.

“You are the only father she has ever known.”

“That’s not true.”

“You have been the best father I could ever imagine. You have taken care of her and given her all the love in the world. She’s so happy and smart and I wish you hadn’t had to do it alone. I wish I’d been there and I’m glad I’m here now. With you. We will be...a family.”

Sherlock is shaking his head and pulling out of John’s grasp. He rises off the bed and walks to the door, mumbling no every few steps.

“Sherlock?” John is beyond confused and worried. He watches as the detective opens the door and slips part way through before he finally stops to look back at John.

“You won’t feel that way once you know it all.”

“We can work through it. It’s all something we can work through.”

Sherlock does not answer, except to shake his head as tears fall down his cheeks. He leaves the room, closing the door softly behind.

@echosilverwolf @technicallywiseoncns @vvaticancameoss @cow-mow@philliphooper@whodwantmeasaflatmate@swissmissing@gloriascott93@kingdomofbrokenhearts@srebrnafh@thetranslucentwallaby@britishaccentfan@plasticstrawsmuggler@spazzz32@absentmindedsstuff@shuukichan @annecumberbatch @maeliandmyself @welcometomyharddrive

[recentanimenews]

The GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH Kicks Off With Episodes 1-5

Welcome to the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH! I'm Jared Clemons, and I'll be your host this week as we make our way through Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-. Last week, we answered our initial questions about the series, and this week we began episodes 1-5.

  Going into Re:ZERO, for the most part blind, made for some surprising moments in just these first five episodes alone. I wasn’t expecting Subaru to just switch worlds with seemingly nothing happening to him in his original world. Nor did I think constantly redoing periods of time would be a thing. Somehow, that aspect of the show completely passed me by when it was airing a few years ago. I’m not completely bought into Subaru as a hero quite yet. There’s something about him that just feels fake or off to me. Maybe that’s the point though. I’m sure I'll figure that out along with everyone else over the course of the next four weeks. Regardless, I’m interested to see where this whole thing goes and why this has the reputation it does. Gotta figure out who made Subaru turn into mush at the end of episode 5, which I have some theories about.

    Before we discuss these episodes, let's check out some questions and comments you had from our last installment!

  Acapo asks: “so how are these rewatch things decided? Do we vote somewhere? Or...”

  We came to a consensus together as the Features team. While taking suggestions from you guys wouldn’t be a bad idea, we have tentatively booked ourselves for the next two Rewatches, so it’ll be awhile before we could ask for ideas.

  MachaiArcanum asks: “So how exactly does this rewatch thing work exactly? This is the first time I’ve heard of it and I’m not sure what exactly is going on.”

  So, we are going to watch five episodes each week and you'll get to read the Features team's thoughts and opinions on that set of episodes. We welcome all of you to watch along with us and you can ask questions or give your comments about these episodes similarly to what we're doing. Plus, you can be featured in this segment of the Rewatch as well!

  Deatherz007 says: “Time for Subaru to suffer once more”

  Only a little bit.

    Now, let's see what the Crunchyroll Features team thought of this week's episodes!

  We kick things off with, depending on the version you’re watching, two episode ones or a longer episode one. Did this longer episode do a good job of introducing you to the world of Re:ZERO? Would you have liked it to have been shorter or cut down in specific spots?

  David: The only thing I would change is the cut in the middle being completely abrupt. You can imagine a commercial break there or something but having no transition at all makes it feel very odd.

  Austin: I wouldn’t say it introduces the world of Re:ZERO well so much as it introduces the slums and the characters well while making the capital feel as huge as it is. That said, I really like longer first episodes of anime since they’re great for setting the tone and almost always make me want to watch more right away.

  René: I’m with Austin on this. Longer episodes really give you that opportunity to establish a proper mood and mindset for a show that is way harder to accomplish with only 20 minutes. Whenever an anime serves me a double-length episode, it immediately piques my interest since it’s obviously something special if it gets this kind of production treatment.

  Kevin: It’s a bit hard for my to say, since this is my third or fourth time watching the show, so I already know a lot more about the world than I should. I’ll say that I like some of the worldbuilding that they hint at, like mentioning Satella and the Jealous Witch early on. As for stuff that could be cut down, I’ve always felt like while a bunch of stuff is repeated due to the time loope mechanic, very little is actually wasted, and speeding much of it up would make things fly by too quickly. 

  Carolyn: I thought the point of it was not so much to introduce the world but to set up the storytelling device of semi-time travel and constantly dying, which it did very well.

    Paul: I watched the Japanese version with English subtitles, and while I was initially lukewarm on the premise, I must admit that the first two episodes hooked me. From what I've seen, I think Re:ZERO works best when it's structured like a horror movie or a murder mystery, and these early episodes demonstrate a lot of that.

  Joshua: I think for the story Re:ZERO is trying to tell, and the emotional depth it’s trying to tell it with, a standard 25-ish minute introduction would have been nowhere near as effective. We had to learn not only of Return by Death, but the impact it has on Subaru, and there’s really only one way to do that (over and over again!). This hefty run-time even came without an explanation for Subaru being isekai’d! While Truck-kun won’t be getting a paycheck this time, and there was no other crazy reason like other shows in the genre, I actually respect how Re:ZERO skipped a convoluted set-up in favor of what actually matters right now. I felt that the double episode gave me a firm anchor on the characters and their feelings, which is a useful connection to make early on.

  Noelle: I think the setup was effective enough. I haven’t seen this show before, and I don’t know anything about it, but the first few episodes delivered enough information to get me interested, but not enough to give me all the answers, and that’s fine. I don’t think the world as a whole has been introduced, because it’s still filtered through our protag’s eyes, but we don’t need an opening history lesson in this case. 

  Danni: I thought it worked really well as a two-parter. It was a long, but effective, introduction to the world and Subaru’s predicament as a whole. It also managed to do so without any big exposition dumps, which I really appreciated. 

  Kara: Nothing felt wasted or overly long in that first episode. As others have said, there was a lot to set up, and going for the standard 22-minute runtime wouldn’t necessarily have allowed for enough room to lay things out adequately. I wasn’t checking the time at all, which is always my high sign for what feels decently paced.

    Subaru quickly learns that he is reliving time after getting killed. Since you may have known about this already, what did you think about how it was executed in these episodes? Was anime Groundhog Day what you were expecting and do you think it’s been explained well thus far?

  David: It takes him a few times in to figure it out, I was actually kind of surprised to realize how many times he went through it before he understood he was going through the same day over and over again. That said, I think it’s well explained because of how natural it comes to Subaru. The show literally starts with him realizing he has been isekai’d, but it takes him a while to realize he is reliving scenarios.

  Austin: “Quickly”, he says… Sarcasm aside, I think it was done well since it adds a kind of unique weight to everything. Sure, Subaru can die with relatively low risk, but I tense up every time he gets in a fight or near anything sharp and pointy since I really don’t want to see the poor guy have to suffer both another death and having to redo a section of time but this time figure out what he did wrong.

  René: The gruesomeness of his deaths are what really sells the memetic “suffering” part of this show. Yes, it may be of little consequence for him to die but the way his deaths are depicted just really shows you how painful it actually is and moves it away from just being a videogame-y element as in many other isekai shows.

  Kevin: Once Subaru finally realized his power, I looked down into the episode comments and saw “out of everything that has happened it’s the chips that make him realize what’s going on,” and that pretty much sums up Re:ZERO. The time loops make sense, and they keep happening in part because the main character is either too stupid or stubborn to stop dying. As for what I was expecting when I first watched the show, I remember quite appreciating how much Subaru tries to learn each time he dies, using past loops to influence how he acts in the current loop. He’s genre savvy enough to know that if he does things the exact same, then the same outcome will happen, but human enough that he can’t repeat things exactly, which then leads to different outcomes. The actual ability hasn’t really been explained yet, but it’s easy enough to get a grasp of how it works.

  Carolyn: I was trying to figure out if he actually died on what we would consider Earth? That seems pretty clear but it’s not totally cut and dry, I guess. If so, is he in Heaven/Purgatory/whathaveyou? I’m still kind of stuck on that.

    Paul: The mechanics of Subaru's “Return by Death” ability haven't been explained at all, although I have an inkling of how it works as a result of encountering some spoilers years ago. I think the series works best when it leans heavily on the dramatic irony, to the point where neither the audience nor the main character knows exactly what is going on. It's satisfying when something unexpected happens.

  Joshua: I really liked how Subaru didn’t twig it the first time, so we could join in his confusion as he tried to figure out exactly what was happening to him. It does make a little sad that some neat conversations are lost to everyone but Subaru though; like his chat with Old Man Rom. So I hope the series is able to counterbalance that loss of character development as it moves forward.

  René made a great point about the impacts of Subaru’s many deaths though. In fact, my Mum walked in on me watching one of them and called it “horrific”! It’d be easy for a show like this to lose all sense of any stakes if viewers become too comfortable with Subaru simply waking up at the last “save point”, but seeing the physical and emotional pain each death causes him, really makes me want to see him break the loops!

  Noelle: I wouldn’t call him keying in quick by any means, but then again, it takes people some time to process information, especially if it’s been after a traumatic experience. I don’t think the deaths themselves are that gruesome all things considering (I do watch a lot of horror), but they do a great job at showing Subaru’s terror. When you’re a kid with no combat experience, going up against very experienced enemies, that’s only inevitable…

  Danni: This is my first time watching it, but I actually didn’t realize it was a Groundhog Day situation until we started planning out this rewatch in the group chat. I think it worked about how you’d expect with him taking a few runs to really understand what was happening. Honestly the only thing in the premise I took issue with was how quickly he was on board with suddenly being summoned to a parallel world and a tiny bit put off by how self-aware he was of isekai tropes. 

  Kara: I literally had no idea. Time loops are one of my favorite narrative devices to see played with. If I’d known this was a major part of the concept of Re:ZERO I probably would have come to it of my own volition much sooner.

    Since we’re now 20% (yes, that does sound weird) of the way through Re:ZERO, give me your thoughts on Subaru as a protagonist so far. What do you like or dislike about him? Is his heroism heartfelt or insincere?

  David: So this is actually my favorite part about this show—Subaru’s “heroism” isn’t “heroic” as much as it is “altruistic”. He doesn’t do things because he expects rewards, but because his actions will help make the world around him better in some way. Emilia is the same, and their conversation on the bridge in the first episode highlights this.

  Austin: I really like Subaru at this point, and I think these early episodes do a good job of painting him as a sympathetic character. He’s seemingly selfless to a fault and just wants to make Emilia happy since in turn that’ll make him happy.

  René: These first few episodes do a great job divorcing Subaru from your run-of-the-mill isekai protagonist. Not only is there seemingly no actual reason for him to be isekai’d as he just randomly pops up, it also undermines every heroic deed he tries to accomplish almost immediately. It really drives home the fact that he is just your regular guy who doesn’t get to be The Chosen One simply because he came to this world.

  Kevin: Oh boy are we going to have a lot to talk about in a few weeks. For now, Subaru is goofy and driven and as a result is generally likable. At the same time, he clearly has no idea what to do to move forward, so is just fumbling around until something catches his eye. He’s basically like a lost puppy, so that helps to endear the audience and characters to him. His heroism is heartful, just misguided. He wants to help Emilia, but he has no actual reason to. 

  Carolyn: I immediately saw him as the Deadpool of Isekai. Deadpool knows he’s in a comic and all the tropes that come with it, Subaru knows all the tropes that come with this strange new land he’s in. I found that to be entertaining. As for his intentions, I think he’s been very straightforward about that. He’s sincere, but his motivations aren’t entirely noble. He will help others but does intend to get something out of it. He’s just honest about that.

    Paul: I like Subaru more than I expected to, although I don't know whether that's because he's well-written or because of the pathos evoked by his Job-like suffering. His biggest flaw seems to be that he keeps treating the world like a video game, and he doesn't realize that he is not the protagonist. Subaru also doesn't realize that his affection for Emilia is one-sided. He mistakes her basic empathy for romantic interest, and as someone who made the same mistake as a dumb teenager, I can only see that ending poorly.

  Joshua: I’m honestly not sure how to read Subaru. Puck keeps on saying he has no ill-intent, yet he’s usually the first to make some off-handed weird comments. He’s definitely complex, and I wouldn’t mind this becoming a recurring question each week! For now, I’d say he’s earnest but his constant self-deprecation will make others see him in a worse light. He can also be a bit too cocky at times, like his meeting with Roswaal. So I’d like to see him gain a bit more respect for others not called Emilia, and himself.

  Noelle: I’m on the fence. Subaru is by no means a bad kid, he’s nice and he sticks his neck out for other people, and he is kind deep down. At the same time, there’s a profound sense of entitlement to him, for he doesn’t seem to realize that he’s dealing with people with lives of their own, not characters. He also expects the world to revolve around him because he’s supposed to be special, and that’s pretty yikes. 

  Danni: I like him more than I thought I would, but not as much as I probably should. The fact he knows what isekai is and essentially that he’s the protagonist of an isekai anime is pretty grating. I like him more when he’s being himself than when he’s trying to be a protagonist. 

  Kara: I kind of agree with, like, literally everyone in the show that Subaru is not terribly ambitious, and I’m kind of wondering what the hell he’s been through. His “skeevy” comments don’t seem skeevy to me so much as an attempt to assume a role he thinks he’s accepted to fill. Also, he hasn’t once displayed any sort of concern about going home or missing anyone or anything from the “real” world. More than anything, I’m curious what he’s been through to the point that he’s downplaying himself so much and basically pretends his previous life doesn’t exist.

    The last two episodes of this initial set sees Subaru taken to the Roswaal mansion and beginning work there. Here, we learn a bit more about the state of the world Subaru has been summoned to and meet Rem, Ram, Beatrice, and Roswaal along with Emilia. What were your initial impressions of this cast of characters and Subaru’s interactions with them?

  David: Roswaal is the teacher in Isekai Quartet, and I forgot he was even a character in this show, so I keep hearing him and associating it more with Isekai Quartet than this show. Beatrice is great.

  Austin: When I first watched this show I saw every character sans for Emilia as kind of distant and suspicious. Now that I’m rewatching it, I realise that they all have a very good reason for being this way; one thing I really like that I noticed now that I’m rewatching is that Beatrice seems much more aware of Subaru’s situation and current death loop than he is. Also, Emilia is still as wonderful as I remember her being.

  René: The Roswaal mansion arc is what really lays the groundwork for what the show is all about for me: This isn’t a world that revolves around the protagonist but one in which he must find his place and the distant and mysterious nature of the mansion inhabitants really drives that fact home. Since we are almost exclusively kept within Subaru’s POV, it really is up to the viewer to piece together the mystery of why he is dying again. We don’t yet understand the new characters and there isn’t an obvious threat like Elsa. It’s basically a murder mystery in which the victim is also the detective.

  Also, I have to second Austin’s sentiment: Emilia truly is wonderful!

  Kevin: Pretty much what Subaru said. Oh, it’s Emilia, the twin maids, red one and blue one, and a drill loli that clearly isn’t human. Also, Roswaal, but I got that before Subaru. As for his interactions, I really like that Rem and Ram are differentiated, even this early on, and that everyone is going about their own schedules, since they actually have lives outside of tending to Subaru. Roswaal is the only one that doesn’t really get much development, and even he finds a scene or two to talk with Subaru and generally show that there is more going on than we know about.

  Carolyn: At first I didn’t like them at all. They are all very odd with a bizarre manner of speaking and behaving and I couldn’t figure it out. But after the reveals that not everything is exactly what it seems in the castle it started to make more sense and now I’m very interested in finding out what they are actually up to.

    Paul: It's fine as far as world-building goes. I appreciate that they don't dwell too much on the lore, because often those are the least interesting elements of the early set-up of an isekai story, and here we get the impression that the world is much bigger and more conflicted than Subaru fully comprehends.

  Joshua: Roswaal is just fabulous. I’ve been watching the series in Japanese, and Koyasu Takehito’s voice alone is a scene stealer. This being my first rewatch of the show in years, I was actually taken aback by how cold Rem was here, and I really appreciated Ram’s dry humor a lot more (like that sly comment about Subaru’s “sorry thing”). I can see the twins talking in unison getting very annoying very fast though, so luckily that was kept to a minimum!

  Thinking about it, Subaru and Emilia are a bit alike, aren’t they? Both have selfless qualities that they try and cover with more selfish pretenses, so I can definitely see why they’ve developed chemistry. While she can seem warm and inviting, that occasional cold glare of Emilia’s is genuinely unsettling though. It makes me wonder what kind of person she really is. Beatrice is precious though. I’d like her to guard my manga collection with that baby cactus attitude of hers!

  Noelle: I think the mansion gives us a little slice of the world at large, but isn’t enough to be overwhelming. We really don’t need to know everything after all, just enough to situate us in the situation that Subaru is currently in. I think it’s a little too early for me to gauge the mansion characters, but they’re all a pretty interesting cast. Roswaal especially. 

  Danni: None of the girls so far seem to match up to how I thought they’d be, or how they come across in all the art of them I’ve seen. I kind of expected a bunch of meek pushovers—particularly Rem and Emilia—but they all have some endearing bite to them. I especially like the antagonistic rapport between Beatrice and Subaru with both of them getting the better of each other. It’s a lot of fun watching this cast interact. 

  Kara: I’m so glad to have some good old-fashioned Koyasu madness back in my anime with Roswaal. Emilia is lovely, but Ram is still my favorite of the girls so far despite everything she seems spring-loaded to do over the course of the show. I can, uh, absolutely see why Rem is such a fave and it doesn’t do much for me. If that makes sense.

    We wrap things up with the gore factor getting ramped up and poor Subaru having to give up an arm and an eye amongst other parts to figure out why he’s going to barf city. Since this was a cliffhanger for our first group of episodes, what’s your initial theory on who this mysterious attacker could have been? (For those of you that aren’t new, if you can remember, tell me what you initially thought of this or just give me your wildest theory possible.)

  David: My first thought was Roswaal. Seems suspicious.

  Austin: I’m in a troublesome spot right now since I remember why he died the first loop and who killed him the second loop, but I don’t remember exactly why they did and it’s bothering me… The first time I watched it I thought Elsa had hired someone to go kill Subaru; not sure if I would have liked it more if that was the case or if what’s really going on remained in place.

  René: The first time watching it to this point, I actually suspected Puck. Since Knox’s 1st Commandment forbids introducing the culprit later on and I couldn’t yet deduct any possible motive for the mansion residents, Puck seemed the most likely. His fondness for and protectiveness of Emilia had already been established and jealousy would’ve made for a possible motive since Subaru started getting closer and closer to Emilia, forcing himself into her life to the point of becoming her servant.

  Kevin: It’s Beatrice. She has the power to connect the library to any door in the mansion, and so can get around without any issues; and clearly has at least enough power to throw someone out of a room without any effort, so more lethal attacks are almost certainly possible. Subaru was also acting very strange in the second mansion loop, as we saw in a couple of cutaways. Since we already know that Roswaal was wondering if he was a spy, that could be enough for him to enlist Beatrice to kill Subaru in his sleep. The first time, Subaru didn’t know to resist, while the second time he fought her magic, so she either used a more lethal attack or enlisted the other mansion staff to assist her. She attacked during the first loop, when Roswaal knew that Subaru was unlikely to be a spy, because of how much he annoyed her. The only way to progress the loop is for Subaru to tell everyone about his power, which calls Beatrice off because she knows at that point that it would be useless to attack him. 

  Carolyn: The first time he died in his sleep he was poisoned, but he was asleep so he didn’t vomit. Whoever did that (I suspect Ram, she claims to be a bad cook but is skilled with the knife so she isn’t that bad and that could be cover for her poisoning his food) poisoned him again the second loop but because he wouldn’t let himself sleep he felt more of the effects of it and vomited. He could also have built up a little bit of a resistance to it the second time around. Either way, I think the results of those two things are the same. I do not think whoever poisoned him killed/dismembered him in the second loop. That was someone different who saw an opportunity and took it. 

    Paul: Unfortunately, this is a detail that was spoiled for me long ago, so although I know who the culprit is, I don't know why they are behaving in such a brutal and murderous manner.

  Joshua: Having already watched the series, I know who, but I genuinely had no idea on my first viewing. Rather than thinking too much about it, back then I just went along with the ride.

  As I can't offer a serious guess though, I’ll just make a joke about whether Rem’s really as good a cook as she claims, and it was just a really bad reaction to off-chicken or something. Feeling really cold, vomiting… sounds like bad food poisoning to me.

  Noelle: I admit, I’m really not sure. It has to be one of the characters introduced so far, it can’t be a random stranger we haven’t seen. The problem is that I can’t quite figure out the killer’s motive. Subaru is seen as suspicious, and it’s been made clear that he hasn’t earned trust just yet, but that doesn’t seem to be a reason to kill him (at the moment). There’s a who but also a why.

  Danni: It’s definitely Ram. I have no idea if it actually is or why I think so, but it’s definitely Ram. 

  Kara: I haven’t got the first clue, but I want it to be Rem just so there can be something about her that interests me.

    Let’s continue our final question tradition with the Rewatch. Give me your highs and lows for episodes 1-5.

  David: High is the conversation between Subaru and Emilia on the bridge. That’s the thesis of the whole show I think. Low point is when Subaru almost died on the last go around of the initial day. I thought he might die and absolutely didn’t want to have to sit through that same day again.

  Austin: One of my favourite scenes in the whole show is when Subaru asks Emilia her name after the fight with Elsa. Something about the delivery of Subaru’s lines and Emilia’s little laugh before her answer makes me feel so bubbly inside. Seeing exactly why Felt gets taken away by Reinhard was also a nice connecting of dots in my head. As for lows, I don’t think I’ve really hit anything notable yet; these first episodes are really strong in my opinion.

  René: My high in these first few episodes is definitely the set-up around the mystery of Emilia posing as Satella in the first loop and the first meet-up between the Subaru with her in the second one. I just adore the shots with them being reflected in each other’s eyes and how it calls into question their perception of each other (I would heavily recommend this interview with the show’s director on this scene—do beware of SPOILERS for later episodes, though).

  And since I can’t think of a low point, I’ll just sneak in a second highlight: Takehito Koyasu’s performance as Roswaal is just deliciously exaggerated. He’s already legendary for voicing Dio Brando but the way he sings every line is just pure joy to listen to.

  Kevin: High - Subaru thinking about how he was going to die the second time, and then realizing that he was going to fight anyway. Myself and many other people joked during the series that Subaru was going to start carrying a bomb or something so that every time he messed anything up, he could just Return by Death to redo any mistake. This is a great moment though, because it both gives a reason why he won’t do that and is also extremely relatable. Even if you knew that you would come back to life, dying isn’t fun, so you’d want to avoid it if at all possible, which is exactly the conclusion that Subaru comes to. 

  Low - Elsa’s final attack. Subaru is clearly moving around, standing up straight, and generally doing a lot of things that use at least a few core muscles, and nothing happens. But when it’s convenient, it turns out that the attack went straight through the club, his clothes, and his stomach, when the club previous stopped all of her attacks and there was nothing supporting Subaru’s track suit or shirt. 

    Carolyn: High points, just the mystery and twists that have been unfolding so far. I like all the suspense around the people at the mansion. Also the line about not knowing what Subaru is talking about but that it’s stupid and that’s disappointing. That was pretty great. Low point, I’m not sure I have one but I could definitely do with more of the cat.

  Paul: My high point was Subaru awakening, noticing the lack of scars on his hands, and realizing he'd somehow died in his sleep and reset the time-line. That was a chef's kiss perfect cliffhanger to end an episode upon. My low point is that it takes Subaru a few lives too many to realize he's resetting from a save point. Anyone who brags about playing video games all day like Subaru does should have picked up on that detail by the third life, tops.

  Joshua: Subaru and Emilia doing aerobics in the garden is a definite high point, that makes me think back to the equally adorable scene with Ema in Shirobako. I also really appreciated how the series even humanises characters like Rom, instead of taking the easy route and making him a one-note shady dealer. Despite his hulking appearance, he genuinely seems like a decent guy who just got the wrong stick (or club) in life. The music is also great—that kind of eerie ringing when disturbing shenanigans are afoot is so effective at capturing the mood, and won’t leave my head.

  As for low points, how many times did we need to see that initial mugging attempt? I liked how the show always found a new absurd comment of Subaru’s for the trio to react to, but I hope the series balances just how many times certain scenarios are reset. Subaru’s exaggerated statements can also be a bit awkward, so I’m glad the rest of the cast react like I do.

  Noelle: High point: the mystery! I want to know why the time loop is happening, what’s the driving force for all of this, why Subaru in particular. We don’t really have any clear answers, and it’s the main point of the story. Tell me the answers! Low point is that Subaru takes a really long time to realize that he’s in a time loop. Isn’t he supposed to be really familiar with games? It makes sense realistically speaking but for a story, it drags a little. 

  Danni: Hard to think of a singular high point because I loved the heck out of this batch of episodes. I guess I gotta go with any time Beatrice is on screen. I love her so much. Low point is tough as well, but I have to give it to Subaru’s immediate acceptance of his new isekai life. 

  Kara: Gotta agree, the high point was Subaru waking up without the scars. That was so well played, and I loved seeing that the audience was being trusted to let the revelation hit us as it hit him. Good visual storytelling, would watch again. Honorable mention to Roswaal’s crazy voice. I thought they were playing it up in Isekai Quartet but no, that’s just how he is. Low point is I’m pretty sure Subaru and Emilia are never gonna go on this date and that makes me sad.

    COUNTERS:

Ram calling Subaru “Barusu”: 10

Subaru death count: 5

Different ways Subaru has died: Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Unknown, Combination (Unknown+Dismemberment)

  And that's everything for this week! Remember that you're always welcome to join us for this rewatch, especially if you haven't watched Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- yet!

  Here's our upcoming schedule!

  -Next week, on September 27th, Kara continues the Rewatch with episodes 6-10

-Then, on October 4th, Carolyn takes us past the halfway mark with episodes 11-15

  Thank you for joining us for the Great Crunchyroll Re:ZERO Rewatch! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

    CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

  Have anything to say about our thoughts on the episodes watched? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

---

Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup where he can be found always wanting to talk about Love Live! Sunshine!! or whatever else he's into at the moment. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[zannaleejoy-blog]

15 Tips For ACTUALLY Writing ✍🏼

Disclaimer: Some of these tips are ones I’ve come across on social media and some are from my own personal experience and research. These tips don’t necessary apply to novel writing just really for any kind of creative writing such as: comics, fan fictions, essays, scripts, etc…

Tip #1 Reward Yourself

 Working is a lot easier when you know there is something to gain from all that work. Whatever that may be. If you are someone who has an income and at least 20-100 dollars they can set aside. Pay yourself to write, for as many amount of pages, words, or scenes you write, pay yourself and use the money to buy yourself whatever it is your heart desires. And for those of you who don’t make much money instead- reward yourself with something you love to do. Maybe it’s playing video games for the rest of the day, or watching a YouTube video, or even taking a nap or just some time to yourself. Personally, I have a piggy bank that I put all spare money into and for every page I write at the end of the month I get that money. So if I write 15 pages in the whole month I’ve got 15 dollars to buy whatever it is I want, maybe more pencils or snacks!

Tip #2 Hold Yourself Accountable: 

If you are someone who gets embarrassed easily or who has a lot of guilt find a family member or friend who can make sure you are writing. For example: If you let them know your word goal everyday is 100 words have them ask you about it and be honest with both them and yourself. Heck, a friend on the Internet or posting on your favorite social media platform your success or failure can go along way to make sure you stick to your goals. I tend to post how many words I write in a day on Twitter. My followers tend to congratulate me on my success and I like to have that positive reaction daily so I stick to meeting my goals.

Tip #3 Writing is Practice:

 If you’re are scared that your writing is bad I can tell you first hand that not writing or being scared to write something bad is the worst thing you can do if you are fearful of sucking because you’re going to at least for a little while but the best part about humans is that if we were to do any one thing for days upon days we will inevitably get better at it. So if you write constantly than you are 100% guaranteed to get good. I have an old fan fiction that's been left on the Internet for years and I constantly go back to it to see my massive improvement and it excites me to think that I will continue to get even better.

Tip #4 Track Your Progress:

If you follow me on Twitter than you already know that I have a planner that has stickers for every 500 words I write in a day. I originally got this idea from Alexa Donne’s sticker method here on YouTube and have altered it slightly to fit my personal writing journey. I really like putting more stickers in my planner and it fulfills the child in me to see visually how much I’m achieving as well as I will purposely write more if I am close to receiving another sticker. Tally marks, or a spreadsheet on excel can also do wonders or anything that allows you to visually see your progress.

Tip #5 Set Low Low Word Counts: 

On days that I feel shitty I usually only expect me to hit 250 words because I know on my worst day I can achieve that- Also if I hit 250 I am only halfway to my regular word count of 500 so I strongly advise setting something stupidly achieve able. 20 words? 50 words? You can write that! So do that and when you've got the hang of it build it up. Just understand that the smaller the word count the longer it'll take to write it.

Tip #6 Writing Sprints: 

Writing Sprints are probably the only thing on this list I don’t practice mainly because time limits stress me out and I tend to work quickly anyway. However if you need that extra push or have very limited time to get some writing done than I encourage a writing sprint. 10 minutes to write 300 words? Or 20 minutes to write as much as you can. It prevents that critical side of you from coming out because like sonic you gotta go fast.

Tip #7 You’re Not Writing A Book:

 Now for my aspiring authors like myself understand that you, especially if you are on your rough draft, are a long way from publication and that's drafting is just putting words on paper, bad words, good words, little notes of incoherent babble. It’s a mess and you are the only person who will ever have to see it. It’s a story and it’s like telling one verbally you are just trying to convey the general message it’s sloppy and you’re mumbling and stumbling and repeating and backtracking. But as long there is a complete story no matter how sucky it’s still complete.

Tip #8 Quantity is 10x’s Better Than Quality: 

To add on to last point I suggest in prewriting and drafting to just put whatever the fuck comes to mind down. Especially in the prewriting phase when you are brainstorming and outlining just fit as many wild ideas as possible because in those times where nothing seems to be coming that will be your saving grace every single time. Because having too many ideas is better than none. When I was brainstorming I sat with my boyfriend when he was playing games and generated all kinds of ludicrous ideas but also came across a lot of awesome and happy accidents. You have to be brave and just dump whatever out and save it for later and dig through the trash.

Tip #9 Give Your Book Some Essence: 

Your book has a certain feel that only you know this comes from playlists for scenes, characters, and plot- you've got aesthetic boards for your characters, maybe you have vines that remind you of your characters. Find those things and jot them down, put them in a folder or document and hold them close. I have Pinterest boards for my characters and settings. I’ve got playlists, and these things fuel my writing and creativity. I understand my book and I am reminded that no one can write it like me.

Tip #10 Nothing is Set In Stone: 

Unless you are carving your book in a stone tablet or writing your book across the walls in sharpie than you can always go back, you can always fix and delete. We often rewrite from paper or go back into our word documents and mix things around. Write shit until you have the courage to fix it.

Tip #11 Write With A Person/Person(s) In Mind:

Writing for an audience is hard to envision for me, so instead I write for a person or a couple people in mind. Which falls in line with my writing, I’ve always written for people whether it be classmates, friends, or people on the Internet and soon when I write a book for everyone to read. Writing for me has always been about writing for others and getting through drafting and writing in general is trying to get reactions, laughs, and smiles out of my readers. If you write for someone who loves you then you will always feel comfort in pleasing them and that no matter what you write it doesn’t matter what others think because they will love it regardless. I often write for my boyfriend, mother, brother, and my best friend. The four people who are close to me and are guaranteed to enjoy my writing and I can guarantee that you too, have someone that will love what you write and you’ll want to please them.

Tip #12 Write For Children/ Write Silly:

If you feel like you have to write a story that needs to have complex prose and have subtleties and be nuanced which is nice and all but if you are struggling it’s okay to just write like you are writing for a young one, someone old enough to read but young enough to understand basic storytelling. And if writing once upon a time puts you in the mood to write more than all power to it. You can always delete that once upon a crap later. Just tell us the story. Hell I use to do this kind of stuff with outlining which was fucking hard for me at first when I was a hardcore pantser sometimes I would write really silly. For example, Henry eats food, and he falls dead, the village knows the food is bad, food is suspicious, main character Zora will find it out, it’s the storm the storm has ruined the food. Oh no! This is just a simple way for me to get many thoughts down and to easily expand and not feel like I need to write something perfect.

Tip #13 Write Dialogue First and Finish The Rest Later: 

It’s pretty self explanatory but you need to just get dialogue done first. When I wrote Dragon Age fan fiction this is when I first used this. It was a sure fire way for me to get words on paper because Dragon Age’s dialogue is a big part of the dragon age experience if you aren’t already aware. I usually get distracted by dialogue tags and description and slows me down significantly so write all the dialogue and figure the other stuff later.

Tip #14 Surround Yourself With Positivity: 

If you’ve got friends and family who support you like I am lucky enough to have people who support me, even if you don’t have people in your everyday life who support you then it’s a good idea to join a writing community whether it be on discord, Instagram, Twitter, whatever find your writer friends and hold them close because having some friends to cheer you on, support you, and fall back on does all the good.

Tip #15 Character and Setting Visual Stimuli: 

Because I am horrible with description of people and setting I found that have pictures of my characters and settings is the easiest way to describe when I can see it somewhere other than in my head. I strongly suggest utilizing this because you also add on your own little things if the picture doesn’t fit entirely.

[imperfecteclipse]

Hey there. Do you think the anime'll cut Jean's speech about not wanting to kill people? This was one of Jean's last proper developments in the manga and I'm afraid the anime'll cut the speech (completely butchering the development). The whole "not following Levi's orders" convo will already be shorter because we still don't know about Hisu's royal blood, so Connie and Sasha can't talk about that. What do you think? This is a big deal for Jean's growth.

Hi anon! 

Sorry for the delayed response! I’ll state now that my answer isn’t going to be super meta post level. This is basically going to be a mind dump of thoughts that I’ll try to keep coherent and on track enough to answer your question, lol!

Anyway! Now that the episode (S3 ep 2, Pain)  has already aired, we can see that your suspicions were fairly true. It seems like the anime cut all of the disguise moments (RIP Fedora Jean) and chose to basically spring straight to  requiring the group to try and rescue Historia and Eren, showing Levi killing people. That being said, I don’t feel like it necessarily butchered Jean’s development. Jean still showed clear hesitation before Armin jumped in to save him and the anime did still keep part of his and Levi’s conversation about how there is no clear “right or wrong” to their actions. Thankfully, despite everything, the anime always seems to come back and give Jean moments that speak to his character (even if they aren’t always how they went down in the manga.) This makes me believe that he’ll probably continue to make some side comments regarding how he feels about not liking to kill until he is actually forced to take someone’s life. 

Would I have liked it if they had kept more of Jean (and Springles)’s distrust of the plan? Yes. I think it would have aided to the tension of the moment, just like how I think showing the citizens of Trost suspecting the SC of murder (causing them the need to be disguised in the first place) proved to them all that they were criminals now (as Armin said.) 

The good news is that we still have a lot of content in Uprising to cover, so hopefully some of the bigger moments in the scenes that were rewritten will still be written in somewhere else. The anime team, and Isayama, already publicly stated that they were changing some of the order and original script around. While Uprising may not have been Isayama’s strongest storytelling (according to him), I still really enjoyed the arc the first time I read it. 

I’m looking forward to seeing how the rest of this season goes! The changes, while make me a little disgruntled at times, are keeping me curious since I feel like I’m not entirely sure what is going to happen (even though I’ve already read the manga.) In the end, I want to trust the creators to still give us a season that we know (as anyone who has read) and have been waiting for. 

Hopefully that answered your question well enough! If you’d like me to get more in depth about anything, send me another message or DM me anytime! That goes for anyone! I’m not exactly great at meta, but I do enjoy hearing people’s thoughts in relation to my own interpretations!

[metalandmagi]

January Media Madness

It’s a new year, and yes I’m still keeping track of the stuff I watch and/or read. I really just like being able to keep track of everything that came out during the year, and I like to shout my thoughts into the void. And maybe someone will find something they like.

Movies!

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals: Okay, not a movie, but it’s the latest musical from Starkid so I had to include it somewhere. And this time it’s a horror alien/zombie take over that causes everyone to act like they’re in a musical, and humanity’s only hope is an average guy who happens to not like musicals. That may not sound bad, BUT THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS! The plot could sort of meander at times, but it’s hilarious and also pretty dark for Starkid. If nothing else, watch it because Lauren Lopez is a goddess. 9/10

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Everyone’s favorite silly King Arthur searching for the holy grail story. I hadn’t watched this movie since I was a kid, and there was so much stuff I forgot about! And yeah it’s still pretty great. I do feel like it drags in the middle a little, but I still always enjoy the tomfoolery! 9/10

Three Identical Strangers: A documentary about a set of identical triplets who were separated at birth and the sinister intentions of the adoption agency who separated them. On top of being an interesting story, it is super thought provoking bringing up questions of scientific morality, nature vs nurture, and mental health...which does make it a little depressing. I love the way it sets up the mystery of the story, but it also makes you feel terrible for trying to plot out and guess the story of these actual human beings’ lives. So I’d recommend it to anyone who is interested in crazy stories and scientific corruption! 9/10

Venom: A classic tale of a boy and his symbiote. In which the weirdest investigative reporter in the world is possessed by an alien parasite while trying to stop a corrupt corporation from constantly murdering people. Guys, I originally never planned to see this movie. I never cared about Venom. I was never big into the Spiderman universe, but then this movie came out and everyone was saying how weird it was...and how Eddie and Venom are like a thing...so curiosity got the better of me. And I’m kind of underwhelmed. I think I would have liked it more if I never had any expectations going into it, because it really wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be. The first 30 minutes were a slog, the dialogue was clunky, the plot was very predictable and basic, and I feel like Eddie and Venom didn’t have enough interaction. But it had its moments, I get why some people love it, and I did like what I saw of the symbiote relationship, so all in all it was just..okay. Oh well. 6.5/10

Mama Mia Here We Go Again: The just as ridiculous sequel to Mama Mia, featuring more dumb plots that don’t fit together, more dumb writing, and more over the top performances. Just like the first one, it’s a silly excuse to put some ABBA songs in a movie and make you have fun, and it accomplishes that in spades. Because if you’re watching a Mama Mia movie for the “plot” or anything other than the musical numbers and silliness, you’re making a huge mistake. It is a little clunkier trying to weave two timelines together, but who cares because they’re singing Dancing Queen! As an actual movie, we all know it’s barely passable as a 6/10 but just for getting drunk with your friends and having fun it’s a 9/10

Books!

The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis: The fifth/third book in the Chronicles of Narnia in which a boy and a talking horse run away from the land of Calormen to get to Narnia...and find out about a plot to take over Narnia along the way. I know some people think this is the most interesting book in the series plot wise, and technically there is more plot...but it’s boring as hell. I really think Lewis’s normal interjections would have made it more entertaining, but he doesn’t use his author’s voice at all! Not only is it written in an incredibly circular and drawn out way (some people literally tell stories like they’re writing the bible), but it’s also SUPER RACIST and kind of sexist too. I was so excited because when the book first started I thought we were getting a canonical protagonist of color...and then he turns out to be a kidnapped white boy surrounded by “savages.” Yes we have Aravis...but I really don’t know how to feel about her. Also Bree the horse is really just an asshole, so it’s hard to like any of the characters. I did appreciate having adult Edmund and Susan around though, so it’s not a total waste. The truth is, this is the book that I could barely get through as a kid and would constantly fall asleep reading so I barely remembered anything besides the fact that I didn’t like it. 3/10

Skyward by Brandon Sanderson: In a distant future, humans are trapped on a wasteland planet where their only hope for survival are teenagers flying spaceships while fighting a mysterious alien race. Aka: local girl is constantly dumped on by society and makes friends with a talking spaceship. Okay this book definitely has its problems, but I mostly don’t care because 1. The world building is great. 2. Spensa is a fun main character. 3. All the side characters have distinguishable personalities and interactions *cough* m-bot *cough*. And 4. The plot could be predictable at times but I really liked following the mystery of it all...even if there’s some weird chosen one type of bullshit going on towards the end. It has a major season one Attack on Titan vibe with all the questions about humanity’s history and mankind uniting to fight a mysterious enemy. This is a super fun read that kept me theorizing and was also incredibly motivational. Did I like all of Sanderson’s decisions when it came to which characters died? Hell no. Do I think the government would have a lot more backlash considering its dumbass way of fighting wars? Yes. But I’d still recommend it, and I’m still looking forward to the next book! 8/10

TV Shows!

Aggretsuko: The most adorable musical comedy anime of 2018, where Retsuko, a 25 year old office worker is getting fed up with her job and copes with life by singing aggressive death metal songs...and by the way everyone’s a cute animal. I’m a little late to this party, but this show is so precious and also disturbingly accurate to real life. Retsuko is so relatable, Haida’s crush on her is well executed and not forced, there’s great working women solidarity (Gori and Washimi are the fucking queens of anime side characters) and the metal is so well integrated! Please watch this charming show and the Christmas special if you haven’t already! I NEED ANOTHER SEASON NOW! 10/10

A Series of Unfortunate Events (season 3): The final season of the Baudelaires’ tale of misery and woe. And man did they stick the landing. “But it doesn’t leave things vague enough, they didn’t leave the sugar bowl a mystery.” GOOD! I’ve had to deal with Snicket’s badly written ending to the books since 2006. I love that they explained as much as they did. The ending was bittersweet and more concrete while still delivering the message of how the world is morally gray. Also Quigley was amazing, Sunny was amazing, FERNALD WAS AMAZING! KIT WAS AMAZING! EVERYONE WAS AMAZING! And I almost cried seeing the kids in their outfits from the book covers. I wish Jacqueline was in it, but I think her character would have felt redundant with Kit in the mix. This was an amazing adaption all around, and this season did a great job at putting some of the more...difficult books on screen without it feeling out of place. Even if you haven’t read the books, I encourage anyone who likes mysteries and different forms of storytelling to suffer with the rest of us! 10/10

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (season 1): Local overpowered psychic anime boy just wants to be ignored and blend in with society, but the universe constantly surrounds him with silly situations that cause him to use his powers. I finally got around to watching this show, and it’s hilarious. Kusuo is a great deadpan main character who is definitely ace as hell, and the English dub is actually pretty good! I don’t really want to watch the show in Japanese now because I feel like the dub does a better job at timing the comedic lines and distinguishing everyone’s thoughts. So now I’m upset that the second season hasn’t been dubbed (thanks Netflix). But yeah it’s a great silly show to binge watch. 10/10

Community: The misadventures of a wacky study group going to the world’s worst community college. You know, the one with all the memes? Okay, I know I’m the last one to watch this and  technically I still have a season and a half left at this point, but I thought I’d include it anyway. This show is such a wild ride that I don’t even know what to think about it anymore. The first two seasons were pretty average with a few absolutely brilliant episodes thrown in. And then...the paintball episodes happened, and the show just became amazing. I do have a lot of questions though....like if the main character is a lawyer (sort of), why does he never sue the dean for sexual harassment? Why does Pierce, the resident old, sexist, racist, problematic baby boomer have an “arc” centered around a logical fallacy. No one wants to hang out with him because he’s terrible, but he’s upset because he feels left out and constantly does terrible things to get back at them? I literally almost dropped the show because I couldn’t take him anymore, and then the writers just magically dial him back in his last seasons...which I’m thankful for. And I don’t even know where to being with Chang. BUT this show is a testament to creative writing and innovative meta ways to tell stories. The rest of the study group is made up of hilarious well balanced characters that all have their distinct broken but quirky personalities. And I love them all...except Pierce. So, even though I haven’t finished it, I’d give it an 8.5/10 so far.

Superstore: A sitcom about the daily struggles of workers in a W*lmart-esque superstore. I finally caught up to it, and it’s still fine. It’s not great, but not terrible either. It is incredibly accurate though, coming from someone who works retail. The best parts of the show are the scene transitions because they show all the things customers are doing in the store. And most of the time I just nod and go “yeah I’ve seen that.” This is one of those shows to have on for the sake of just having something on. It has its moments. 7/10

Honorable Mentions

Because these are the reasons why I didn’t really read much this month...or watch many movies.

YOUNG JUSTICE is officially back with the long awaited season 3. And it’s still pretty great, but man I wish I had rewatched the original series.

Netflix released the Taylor Swift Reputation stadium performance. So now you all know how much of a slut for Taylor Swift I am. I can’t help it if her latest album is basically Captive Prince the musical!

The Masked Singer (US version) is dragging me into a spiral of conspiracy theories. Please watch this ridiculous reality show where celebrities wear elaborate costumes and a super annoying judging panel tries to guess who they are. I’m in hell, because this show is set up terribly, but I also don’t want to leave.

Life is Strange 2: episode 2 was finally released. And I’m actually loving it. These games have a special place in my heart for some reason.

New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe came out and I hate myself for buying these stupid games because they consume all my time, and I don’t even really like them.

[pipesflowforeverandever]

Pink Snow

Have you seen @aceofintuition do their pink!event for their Joey “Snowy” Drew? Well I ended up doing some writing for the inevitable after: when Snowy finally has to confront the embarrassment of going home. Thanks for such a fun event, Ace!

A wheel screeched to a standstill and the normally relaxing rumble of the engine sputtered into silence. A click of the door followed by an especially solid slam and finally Joey Drew was home after this infernal day from hell. Not that most days didn’t give him a reason to groan, but usually they didn’t leave something…-

He spotted a pink stain of a reflection in the car’s metal, his scowl underneath.

-…that came home with him.

A growl rumbled his throat as Joey ran his fingers through his hair. This ‘do wasn’t exactly as soft as it looked in the first place- did you think it got in that magnificent shape on its own without gel? You’re dreaming- but now it was dry, crusty even, and as he pulled his hand away rosy flecks of paint stuck to his skin.

After what must have been at least a minute of lament, Mr. Drew managed to pry his gaze away from the clown in front of him. “Pull it together, Joey,” he mumbled to himself hoarsely. Indeed, he DID have to compose himself. With a gravely sigh, his sight landed upon the door he parked in front of. His own house.

And his family inside who didn’t have an inkling- or maybe a paintling today- of an idea what he had gone through today.

“Goddammit!” he may have griped as he may have kicked over the nearest trash can in reflexive rage. Its tinny sound echoed down the alleyway and somewhere, a cat began to complain about the noise. And just on queue-

Ice blue irises rolled up toward the top of his head as he felt a raindrop slither down it.

And soon the sky started to grumble and pout, too.

He thought about it- trust him he had thought about it- but after trying to wash his hair six hours out of this eight-hour workday, he knew soaking it in rain wouldn’t do anything but make him a sopping wet mess.

…Again, of course.

Yes, it was hard to believe that his day once had been going so, so well- or as well as it could with an extra 180 gallons of pink paint than he needed MONTHS ago. Valentine’s special, see? Wanted to make a big splash. Well that splash came long too late; the paint they ordered at first never arrived. They pulled it off with another vendor, but…the studio soon found out it was not 20 paint cans they had ordered at first but 200, hence why it took so long for their arrival. And Joey, great boss he was, signed off the form.

And then Franks went and dumped one on Joey’s mop by accident…although that last word was debatable. It seemed to dye his hair pink at least for the foreseeable future, as no matter of towel rubbing had done anything but put the neon curse onto other objects as well. His hair seemed fond of its new tone and would not let it go.

And in all his fuming and embarrassment, Joey never stopped to think that maybe his wife would have appreciated a warning call.

Or rather that one would do him a lot of good right about now.

He flicked his gaze towards a window, a square glowing yellow as the sky grew darker and darker with both night shade and rainclouds. A silhouette stood inside, thankfully one that hadn’t spotted him yet. But she would. Living in the same house kind of makes it hard to hide such…drastic cosmetic changes. With one last eye roll only to himself, the man stomped through street puddles towards the inevitable.

He had forgotten that the inevitable included something a little bit warmer than the rest of the day, and it may have made the entire ordeal worth it.

Joey hung up his coat- which had only just begun to drip with rain- and he leaned down to untie his shoes. He blinked, and suddenly tan colored knuckles found the same color next to them- that also of two tiny bare feet. A stare panned onto a face with eyes matching his, but while his were glossed with the stress of the day, hers shined with the absolute wonder that walked through her door this evening.

“PAPA!” his daughter yelled at the top of her lungs, flaring her arms to her sides and then throwing them to her face. “P-…p-…!” And as her mouth gaped more and more, you could almost see her breath being lost to a toddler’s whimsy. “PINK!”

And as stars glinted in her blue eyes, the pink reflecting in them like magic cotton candy, Joey remembered Henry’s last words to him this afternoon:

“It’ll all be worth the trouble when Joy sees you, you know,” his dear friend had hummed. Joey in all his upset nerves had shrugged it off- and if anyone but his cofounder had said this it’d have been a tease worth firing for- but…

An expression weary with shame and broken pride began to stretch into a beaming smile, Mr. Drew finally finding a silver lining among thunderclouds. The day may have been utterly nightmarish, but tonight would be one of storytelling that’d fill his little Joy’s head with rose-colored dreams about her papa’s adventures at his own animation studio- another admittedly strong notch in his belt to help his daughter believe that he truly made dreams come true.

Her dreams, especially and particularly.

Not even the belting laughter of Ana that soon came from down the hall could take that away.