#i just hate cutting posts when i'm mobile... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

realmsalot · 3 months ago

Text

Oh, How Forgetful Of You

"Did you see him," Caryn asks, breaking the heavy silence. "Did you see him before he died?"

"Yes," he answers truthfully. She already knows that it him who asked Stanley to come up here.

"Did ya two talk?" And he knows what she's hoping for. He knows what she's hoping he'll say.

Yes. We worked it out. We talked things through. We apologize to each other. He died knowing his twin loved him.

He doesn't have it in him to lie.

--------

Or my take on a reverse portal au. Enjoy :)

Edit: So this isn't done yet. I was writing this on Tumblr mobile and thought I saving this in my drafts when app decided to post it! So now I guess this is sneak peak for a really long oneshot I'm working on. So enjoy I guess. I will appreciate any feed back on this. Don't write your fics directly on Tumblr.

Edit Edit:

Started posting the actual fic. It's a chapter fic now. Ao3 link

---------------

It's a cold March day in Gravity Falls. There's a fresh layer of snow on the ground glistening in the cool sun. And yet, the signs of the upcoming spring are as clear as the current sky. The snow is a mere inch on the ground, no where near the hight it was earlier in the year. There are starts of new growth on the deciduous in the area and songs from a few individual birds of migrating species that came back a tad early.

It's a beautiful day.

Even at a funeral, he acknowledges that. He's pretty sure everyone else there does as well.

Stanford Pines stands in front of an empty grave, with a hallow coffin waiting to be put in by its side and staring at the name of his twin brother etch on the headstone.

He knows that the death date on the headstone is wrong. It says that his twin had died last week, when the Stanley Mobile had careened off a cliff and was later found with no body inside. When he sent it off that cliff with a cut of the breaks, a quick hot wiring of the car and the heaviest chunk of firewood he had on the pedal. Stan had loved that car. Ford remembers the face - the smile that Stan had when he first bought it at sixteen. He remembers Stanley shoving him into that car for the first time before they went for drive, where they drove it way too fast with the windows down and shouting kings of New Jersey at the top of their lungs to celebrate. Ford remembers the last time he got in that car, screwdriver in hand, and looking around for just a moment and seeing stolen motel bedding on the back seats and trash on the floor consisting of fast food wrappers, bags convince store snacks, and losing lottery tickets. Stanley had lived in that car.

And now, thanks to Ford, the only things left of that car are a burnt pile of metal in the dump, the license plate sitting on a table in his cabin, and an old photo he stole from the drivers visor.

The death date on the headstone is wrong, but Stanford doesn't know what the real date would be. By the time Stanley had come, Ford was so paranoid and sleep deprived he didn't know what day it was anymore. But he should know. Ford should know the date. Ford should know the date he sent his twin brother to his demise. And he hates that he doesn't.

A hand touches his shoulder, and Ford is startled out of his recently encrypted head. He looks over.

It's Ma. And she's staring at the headstone, too. They stay silent for a while.

When Ford saw her arrive, he was honestly surprised she came alone. He thought for sure that she would somehow drag Filbrick or Shermie along, but no. She came alone.

The only other guest that came, aside from Fiddleford who came here for Ford not Stan, was an IRS agent. (And Ford is pretty sure he heard him whisper to the, "I know you're not dead," while glancing at Ford. )

Did Stan really have no one?

"Did you see him," Caryn asks, breaking the heavy silence. "Did you see him before he died?"

"Yes," he answers truthfully. She already knows that it him who asked Stanley to come up here.

"Did ya two talk?" And he knows what she's hoping for. He knows what she's hoping he'll say.

Yes. We worked it out. We talked things through. We apologize to each other. He died knowing his twin loved him.

He doesn't have it in him to lie.

"We talked," he starts. Scenes of that night flash in his mind.

Stan's face filling with hope as Ford talks about their old childhood dream. The way it fell as Ford tells he to sail away.

"We argued..."

I'm giving you a chance to do the first worthwhile thing in your life and you won't even listen!

"We fought..."

Stanley’s scream as he kicks him back dowases the anger for a moment, and Fort starts to apologize. And then Stanley punches him in the face, and it all comes back.

"And then he..."

Stanley had pushed over the danger line. Now all Ford can see is the fear taking over his brother’s face as he floats up to the open maw of the portal. And Ford stupidity calls out for him to do something. To not let his creation- his mistake eat him.

And Stanley does.

He doesn't doesn't hesitate to jump and push Stanford away from the portal. Consequently pushing himself in. And all Ford could do is watch as his self made monster ate Stanley.

"...he left."

It's silent again for nothing but a moment before Caryn starts to sob. She pulls Stanford into a hug that he weakly returns and she cries into the hand-me-down suit his father gave him.

Ford's eyes don't leave the headstone again until long after the mostly empty coffin is buried.

He had killed his own brother.

.-- .... .- - / -.- .. -. -.. / --- ..-. / .- / -... .-. --- - .... . .-. / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..-

Stanford had contacted Fiddleford not long after Stanley went through the portal.

He needed help to finish the mind encrypter because it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open and he knew that as soon as he closed them, Bill will come out and destroy it. He needed the mind encrypter to be finish and fast. He didn't know how much longer he could wait. So he went back to his ex-assistant, who (unfortunately) knows how to make machines that affect the mind best.

Ford was prepared to beg, having just lost a brother and just reached a breaking point that even his pride couldn't get to. But to his surprise, Fiddleford readily agreed. That was the second time that week someone whom he wouldn't want to see his again helped.

The mind encrypter got done in record time, and Stanford's mind was finally safe.

Then, for some reason, Fiddleford stuck around.

Then, for some reason, Fiddleford started acting like they're friends again.

75 notes · View notes

orcinus-veterinarius · 9 months ago

Note

When horses end up with severe leg/hip injuries, they are almost always put to sleep. The odds of recovering full mobility from such injuries are slim and the odds of reinjury are high, so even if the horse is perfectly healthy in all other aspects, it is generally recognized to be more humane to put them down than to keep them alive just to live the rest of their lives limping around a small paddock or stall. A life for a horse in which s/he cannot gallop, leap, explore and play is no life at all. Why not apply the same logic to cetaceans? A life for a cetacean in which they can’t dive hundreds of meters, make meaningful autonomous choices (“should I play with the rubber ball or the puzzle feeder today?” is not a meaningful choice; research has shown that autonomy is crucial for animal welfare), echolocate and experience the rich biodiversity of the ocean is no life. I really don’t understand why it’s so horrible to think it more humane to euthanize a confused and sick orca calf if there is no chance of rehab and release than to take her/him permanently into captivity. It’s not disparaging or hateful to cetacean trainers to say so—I know they care about animals—it’s simply a logical ethical stance. Instead of searching in vain for orca conservation organizations that aren’t “radically anti-captivity”, maybe pro-caps should look inwards and ask themselves why all the major orca organizations (Center for Whale Research, Orca Behavior Institute, OrcaLab, Wild Orca, Orca Conservancy, Far East Russia Orca Project, etc.) as well as some cetacean organizations (ex. Whale and Dolphin Conservation, Cetacean Society International) oppose captivity. Is it because all of these esteemed groups, which if you look them up are all staffed by credentialed scientists, have been duped by the “animal rights agenda”, or could it be because maybe, just maybe, they know what they’re talking about? If captive orcas are so different from wild ones that wild orca biologists have no credibility to speak about their welfare, then that’s a clear indictment of captivity already.

Hi. I'm sorry for not answering right away, I was still at my externship when I got your ask, and I wanted to be able to sit down and give you a proper answer. So unfortunately, I don't think what I say will satisfy you. I don't expect to change your mind, nor is that my goal here. I only want to explain why I believe the way I do, so that you or others reading this can at least understand that it's not a position I take lightly, nor do I think it's infallible.

(Long post below the cut):

To start off, as an (almost) veterinarian, there are absolutely plenty of circumstances where I find euthanasia to be the correct decision. Euthanasia is our final gift to our patients, a swift and painless death in the face of prolonged suffering or poor quality of life. A large dog with debilitating osteoarthritis. A cat with terminal lymphoma. A down cow. A raptor with an amputated leg. Or like you mentioned, a horse with a fractured hip. These animals would live in a constant state of pain that they don't understand, and death can rightly be considered a kindness to them.

But an otherwise healthy orca calf? I would consider that a false equivalence. I agree that life in the wild should be prioritized whenever possible, and that captive orcas lead very different lives than their wild counterparts. But if that orca cannot return to the wild (orphaned and unable to be reunited with its pod, habituated to humans, non-painful disability such as deafness), and there is a facility willing to take it on, I do not think euthanasia is an appropriate option. In human care, that calf can still swim, breach, and dive, even if not to the same depths as the ocean (it's also worth noting that these are all costly behavior energetically and are not performed for no reason). It can still socialize and form family bonds with an adopted pod of whales. It can still (theoretically) mate and rear calves. It can still engage its big brain in problem-solving through training and enrichment in the place of hunting. And as a bonus, it will never go hungry and has access to veterinary care if ill or injured.

This is not a wild life. This is not the same life they would've, or should've known. A pool, no matter how well-appointed, is not the ocean, and we should not claim they're comparable. But I don't think it's a fate worse than death. I truly don't. But if it is... if freedom really is worth more than life, then all captive whales need to be euthanized. Even in a sea pen setting, they will not be free. They will not choose their food, their companions, their enrichment, their comings and goings. Those choices will still be made on their behalf by caregivers, and they will still have pretty much the same levels of autonomy as in their tank habitat. They will still be captive. (While some people do advocate for this, I don't think it's a popular outlook. Even SOS Dolfijn, a historically anti-cap organization, recently announced plans to build an aqauarium as a permanent home for non-releasable cetaceans rather than continuing to euthanize them).

Speaking of autonomy, yes, it is very important. But I truly don't think the orcas are distressed by the lack of meaning in choosing between enrichment devices. I think that's why we disagree on this topic... we have different worldviews. We both see orcas as beautiful, intelligent creatures, but I do not see them as people. They are animals, and for all their complexity, I interpret their behavior the same way I do any other species... they are motivated by food, reproduction, and (since they're highly social) companionship. Because of that, I still think we can give them a good life in human care, which is why it frustrates me to see the zoo community throw up their hands and give up rather than trying to improve our current less-than-ideal setups (*shakes my fist at the Blue World project*).

Now, I don't think it's wrong to be emotional about animals. I most definitely am! And it's very clear to me you love orcas and care about their wellbeing deeply. I admire that about you, and I appreciate your passion.

On to the next point... in the cetacean world, I've found that there is an unfortunate divide between researchers and caregivers who work with cetaceans in human care and those who study them exclusively in the wild. And that schism far predates the Blackfish era. Most of those organizations you listed are indeed legitimate, and I fully support their vital work and encourage others to do the same. A few of them, though, share things like this:

I think you can understand why this hurts me. And it's a lie. I've now interned at three aquariums (two of them AZA-accredited) that house various species of cetacean, and it's impossible for me to reconcile what I know and have seen to be true and what Whale and Dolphin Conservation wants the public to believe: that these unbelievably loved, vivacious animals are drugged and tortured by their greedy captors. It's not true, and I do not appreciate WDC for spreading this creepy artwork around. Nor do I think that fighting captivity is a beneficial allocation of resources when there is an overwhelming number of genuine threats to the survival of wild cetaceans.

Anyway, back to the scientists. Personally, I don't consider researchers who work exclusively with wild orcas to be either superior or inferior to those who work with captive whales. And sometimes I wonder how much of their position is a self-fulfilling prophecy: if someone opposes captivity on moral grounds, they won't work with captive whales, so they'll never get to know what their lives and care are like beyond maybe a single tour of the park or memories of how things were done in the 1960s (like Dr. Spong, who worked with some of the very first captive orcas at the Vancouver Aquarium).

I also don't think it diminishes the expertise of wildlife biologists to say that they are not experts on husbandry, training, or medical care... those are very different fields, and ideally, they should all inform each other. And of course, there are folks who work with both wild and captive whales. One of the reasons I linked SR3 in my previous post is they have staff with backgrounds in both managed care and research of free-ranging populations (I actually have no idea what the organization's official stance on captivity is, it's not something they address).

Maybe I'm wrong. I try my best to keep an open mind, but I know I'm also swayed by my own preconceptions and experiences. When I started this blog in December 2020, I was a first year vet student with minimal actual experience outside of domestic animals and some herps, and had only recently adopted the pro-captivity outlook. Now, I'm much more deeply involved in the zoo and aquarium world. These are people I know and respect, people who have written me letters of recommendation and comment on my Facebook posts, people I've had dinner with and showed up with after hours to care for a sick animal. And I recognize that biases me. The zoo world is often resistant to change, especially folks who have been in the industry for many years. And that doesn't do anyone, especially the animals, any good. I don't want to get stuck in an echo chamber, so I make it a point to read anti-captivity literature, even when it upsets me. If there is anything I can do to improve their lives, I want to learn about it, regardless of the source.

I try to adapt to new information. For example, in the past few months alone, I've become a lot more favorable toward the idea of sea pen habitats. My concerns about "sanctuaries" are more logisitical* and philosophical** rather than the idea that artifical habitats are inherently superior to pen habitats (they're not), especially when plenty of traditional facilites already make great use of ocean pens or enclosed lagoons. There are pros and cons to both, and a lot of it depends on the needs of the individual animals.

*funding; maintenance; lack of land-based backup pools and fully-equipped medical facilities; introducing immunologically naive animals to pollutants and infectious agents; disruptions to native wildlife; staffing activists and wildlife biologists rather than those with relevant husbandry experience

**villainizing aquariums; promoting the project as a "release to freedom" to the public when it's really another form of captivity; claiming the animals' lives will be "natural" when they will still require training, artificial enrichment, contraceptives, and social management if done correctly; downplaying or completely denying the very real risks of such a transition and insisting the animals will automatically be better off when Little White and Little Grey have proved that's not the case

If you made it to the bottom, thanks for reading. I wish all the best for you, and I mean that genuinely ❤️ even if we disagree, I hope you can appreciate our shared love for these animals and a desire for their wellbeing. Best of luck in all your endeavors!

#also no hard feelings if you unfollow me #I understand #orcas #killer whales #dolphins #cetaceans #marine mammals #animal welfare #cetacean captivity #pro captivity #anti captivity #aquariums #answered asks #anonymous

178 notes · View notes

klxudykai · 7 months ago

Text

i live in my imagination

i realized this a few days ago but classic me, I avoided it. but that was until I made the "ugly side of shifting" post. so this is me coming to terms with the fact that I live in my imagination. its been like that for years but it hit way harder when i got into shifting. it was just something I did when I didn't want to be surrounded by the real world. but I realize that its become an unhealthy amount. I don't suffer from maladaptive daydreaming or anything (at least I dont think I do), but that doesn't mean its not affecting me mentally and even socially. I dont have the desire to hang out with my cr friends like that because I'm so used to my imagination. it makes me comfortable because I can made it however I wanted it to be. I can make the people say and do whatever. its part of the reason I don't really talk about my problems to people I'm close with too. they aren't going to tell me the stuff I want to hear or its going to end up being something I've heard already. i recently started saying that I like the way I do things. which is true. I like being in my own space dealing with my issues on my own because no one else would tell me what I need to hear.

and when the thought that it was becoming an unhealthy obsession hit me, I hated it. and I still do. I don't want to give up on something that has made me stable and happy for years, but I know that if I want to shift and also make a real bond with my cr, I have to. so that's why I'm making a post. this is one of those things I cant do alone or keep to myself because again, I like the way I handle things so if it was up to me, I would delete this blog and go back to daydreaming 24/7, but I actually want to shift. I'm hoping that with this post we'll hold each other accountable and remind each other to actually SHIFT instead of daydreaming all the time.

sadly I don't have a lot of ideas of how to minimize day dreaming because everything I do makes me day dream BUT we are cutting all fanfics out those only make our imaginations bigger and cause us to daydream. so DONT. start embracing your CR and do smth like go outside or paint or do a new mf hobby. avoid daydreaming as much as you can

i gave up on a lot of problem solving, but this is one I intend to actually fix. and I would love for y'all to do that with me. if you don't want to that's perfectly fine I wouldn't want anyone to feel forced, but if you know you can then do it. don't say nothing like "oh no I cant do it I give up" because that sets you back further. so please at least try

once again I love y'all so much, pls dm me if you have anything you wanna talk about and if you have anything you wanna ask my asks are open (if y'all can even see them cause on mobile its not showing up for me idk) but yea <33

(yes I double posted shhhh)

#shiftblr #reality shifting #black shifters #desired reality #shifters #shifting #shifting realities #shifting blog #shifting community #shifting antis dni #kai realizes

85 notes · View notes

heiilari · 2 months ago

Text

RPC HELP GUIDE;

How to trim posts via mobile

Note : I hate tumblrs "trim" system personally which is why I am showing how to use Xkit on mobile, I am using android but I'm sure it'd be the same on IPhone!

I also personally use the tumblr app and then switch to Firefox to do post cuts i just hope this helps people who have been wondering how to fully cut posts on mobile ♡

This will require two things

Firefox on mobile and you to download the xkit extension on Firefox (just Google xkit and it'll bring you to the extension store )

Down bellow are screeen shots but here's how to do it

Install Firefox -> download xkit -> ENSURE THAT YOU HAVE IT SET AS DESKTOP SITE

You'll see three dots click them -> extentions -> xkit rewritten-> turn on whatever you want // need ( it'll turn blue when it's on)

To use editable reblogs you can save it in a draft and write whatever you need then cut and post

Or you can do your post and then cut. Sometimes there's a error and that's due to icons just delete the icon reput it in and that normally fixes the error

Down bellow is how to do it via images

#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ ˢᵃʸ˒ “ᴴᵉˡˡᵒ˒ ʷʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵘᵖ ʷᶤᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘˀ”ˑ #rpc help #how to trim on mobile with x kit #yes these screen caps are old #okay to reblog #feel free to share

38 notes · View notes

piosplayhouse · 9 months ago

Note

I don't know if you'll answer but I need to know the lore behind sexy times with Wangxian, like is it a fanfic? why do people hate the author??

It was the longest mdzs fic posted during its time in 2021 and gained extreme notoriety for its absurdly long tag list, frequent update schedule that consistently forced anyone scrolling any of its tags to see it at the top of their page, and escalating poor, racist, and trolling authorial behavior that ultimately culminated in the author virtual1979 being suspended from ao3 for a month because she posting an author's note saying she hoped that all her haters would contract covid and die. She deleted the fic from ao3 a little while after this happened, ig bc she wasn't getting enough attention anymore, but allegedly the thing's still up on dreamwidth under strict friendslock. The fan lore article goes pretty in depth about it:

The best summary for why it pissed people off so much is really just showing you these screenshots of what the fic looked like towards the end of its life on desktop and mobile (be warned opening the full image):

From my personal experience:

from 2019 up until around 2021 the fic really was just a normal-ish, if very strangely written and kinky, wangxian porn fic about them basically just fucking around post canon and enjoying day to day life. It updated pretty frequently and had a fair amount of tags because the author was literally just tagging anything that she wrote. But like the first few hundred, maybe even a thousand tags were pretty accurate to what the fic was because of that, and were relatively manageable for the first few years that it didn't pick up any attention really.

At some point in 2021 when cql was really starting to blow up online and the tag count was starting to pile up to the point of annoyance, the fic started receiving some comments that were just like "hey can you try to cut down on tags, I don't think it's necessary to be so specific as to tag 'Korean food' or 'eggs' or whatnot". The author did not share this idea, evidently, and instead built a grudge against commenters who would tell her to delete tags, subsequently adding more and more as time went on.

As the tag count and updates increased, the content of the fic did too-- it got a lot, lot weirder. I'm sure someone's saved it all somewhere but for reference it spun out into what I can only describe as like if Rick and Morty's plot was cut to be just the parts of the show with underage/incest plotlines with All Tomorrows level sex dystopian world building exclusively to elicit the most visceral audience reaction possible. Around this time is when more people started to notice the fic and its escalating tag issues, leading them to leaving more comments complaining about it, leading to the attention seeking author spitefully adding more tags. Around this time is when she also started adding fake tags that didn't apply to the story whatsoever (sorry to disappoint, "talking vagina" was one of those. I did check) just to boost the count, take up more space on people's screens, and bait people into commenting hate for attention.

By this time, it had become a fandom-wide annoyance as she had begun to tag entirely unrelated ships, therefore putting the near-daily updating titanic of a fic at the top of any mdzs-related tag. People were outraged about this, and calls came for ao3 to step in. Ao3 waffled around for a bit as there was no official rule at the time that imposed a tag limit, so there wasn't established ground to ban virtual1979 (who btw many people suspected of being 40 whole years old due to the username and allegedly some other internet sleuthing on Facebook or something). Meanwhile, she began to tag other fandoms-- tgcf, svsss, BTS, basically anything that would get a lot of attention and draw hate with the advent of The Monstrosity suddenly drowning out all other recently updated fics of the targeted fandoms.

People had been trying to retaliate without ao3 action, though, by coding their own themes/skins that would allow someone to block a user or work and other fic writers made their own parody, the "bland times with wangxian" collection, which were minimally tagged sfw shortfics typically featuring wangxian just doing laundry or things like that. A good amount of them were actually like just fics where wwx would explain to lwj how to install custom ao3 themes and block fics that were taking up too much space on his screen. Imo it was pretty funny, but these also sparked some controversy as people disagreed with fighting annoyance with more annoyance to people trying to find content.

Either shortly before or after ao3 staff said they'd step in due to an insane amount of reports and backlash, I forgot which atp, virtual1979 began perhaps the worst tagging spree of the fic's life by changing the title, many of the tags, and the summary to a slew of racial slurs, sexually explicit imagery, and other generally offensive statements. I'm pretty sure this came after the fic was temporarily hidden once, as this update gained considerably less attention than the rest of the tagging saga, but people were still rightfully pissed about it. Ultimately, like I mentioned before, the author was then suspended for a month for wishing covid and death on her haters, and attention seemed to die down during this time to the point where she didn't really fight much more when her suspension ended and deleted her account and the work shortly after. Again she seems to have moved to dreamwidth, but most have forgotten her and I'm not sure if her presence is public at all on there. But that's the story of the worst mdzs fic ever written

119 notes · View notes

sofa-king-lame · 2 months ago

Text

Teaser for a ficlet I'm working on

I've started my Nanny!Buck AU but also started working on this ficlet. It's a 5+1 - 5 times Eddie interrupted when Tommy was about to kiss Buck (on purpose) and the one time he didn't have to.

This fic WILL have some light Tommy bashing (I know some of my mutuals are Buck/Tommy shippers and I just wanna take this moment to thank you for always tagging your posts so my tag filter works), so if that's not your thing this may not be for you. Nothing overtly hateful, just Eddie being a petty bitch and hating Tommy because he has Buck - in the beginning anyway.

Eddie might be a crazy person. The next time he interrupts an almost-kiss between the love of his life and the stale piece of white bread he’s dating is definitely on purpose and actually took a little careful planning and a little help from his son (who doesn’t even know he’s been roped into Eddie’s Circus of Insanity).

Buck is coming over for dinner and a movie, and Eddie absolutely insisted on cooking instead of the usual Chinese/Thai/Pizza/Indian they usually order.

“Linda sent me a new recipe I want to try. You don’t mind, right?” Eddie had said at the end of their shift the day before, and Buck had flashed him a bright and easy grin.

“Sure, I’m good with whatever. As long as there’s beer, Christopher, you, and Andrew Garfield I’m happy,” he’d replied and Eddie had melted a little. Maybe, maybe, if he cooked well enough tomorrow night Buck would call Tommy on the spot and dump him before shoving his tongue so far down Eddie’s throat he can taste what Eddie had for breakfast. Or, you know, something more normal than that.

Tags under the cut but who knows if they'll work - doesn’t' seem to matter if I do them on mobile or desktop it still just straight up doesn't tag half of you.

@playinginthunderstorms @inbucksbusiness @elvensorceress @singitforthegirls @sonofatoasterwaffle @crose84 @wrongfulruffian @carolinahope @heartsfromeden @shealwaysreads @lookforanewangle @eddiedisasterdiaz

#911 #911 abc #911 fic #buddie fic #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley

34 notes · View notes

fullscoreshenanigans · 1 month ago

Note

What is some of your favorite full score trio fanart?

Dear anon we will be here for hours, days even.

I wish this website would let you search multiple tags at once because I do have a fave tag (mobile version) but there's other posts in there too you'd have to go through (but I mean, I also love those too and think they're worth seeing lol).

I don't like reposting fanart for a variety of reasons, but some links and tag ramblings below the cut for some of them:

☆ "tire swing" by @notelectrictigerart

#ℍ 𝔼 𝔸 𝕃 𝕀 ℕ 𝔾 #I personally have an embarrassing distaste of tire swings but this... t h i s 🥺🥺 #like in the “NER in the Bird Cages” short story from the light novels Emma laments how Ray is never happy #and back then a lot of the time she probably thought he was being churlish and moody for no reason #so to capture a moment like this is... 🤧 #these are the moments that kept him going #also love the impressionist style of the greenery #and how the sun is filtering through the leaves and speckling on the tire #ty for sharing op this is beautiful

☆ Untitled by @tohmei

#this is how Ray sees them #him just off in the corner like #“I would and will die for you 🧡🙂🤍” #messin' me up lads #even if it's same hat lol #but no really this is gorgeous #with how bright the colors are around the two of them and their expressions #contrasting with how dark it is around Ray because he fully believes he has to shoulder all his burdens alone for years #and doesn't deserve to share in their light because of the things he's done #I'm always going to be emo over the emo son

☆ "I need a Ray-charge" by @uragirinoteme

#mf got shoujo bubble vision lkfjdkl #the most adorable and endearing lil shits Ray never stood a chance 🤍🖤🧡 #moments like these solidifying that everything will be worth it in the end‚ even if they end up hating him for i t#he might be biased but he just can't shake the belief of an inherent goodness in them #that makes them better people than him who deserve to be saved #I know I say Ray is a cat boy a lot and Emma's got the 83 face going on in the first two panels #but the way Norman is laying on him?? omg he gets the cat boy vibes/award this time #most contented cat on what he and Emma believe to be prime real estate |3

☆ Untitled by @vivithekid

#godddd I still fucking adore the soft tenderness of this piece so much #which is kind of wild when you think about it given how grey is usually associated with being dull and devoid of that #when it's the predominant tinge to a setting #but here it's just so calm and intimate with the fog and their proximity #and the way the pink and orange are overtly and subtly woven in throughout the piece #love it; along with the drop shadow around the flowers Emma's emitting to make them *pop* #and the details on their clothing!! #some of the pink is due to the cold outside sure but u///u #Norman tenderly placing a flower behind his ear is just...so sweet #he's treating him so delicately not because he's fragile or he thinks he needs to be babied #but because he deserves that kindness after all he sacrificed for them and he considers him to be something precious #(read: i am fucking emo) #and Ray's just stunlocked by the both of them because is this really happening?? 404 error lol #for a few seconds they can't even see the fog of his breath because he stopped breathing #the way he's holding onto that book out of shock but also as a kind of unconscious barrier because this is treading into new unknowns #and they're definitely not unwelcome but it's still scary in its own way all the same #for someone who relies so much on his memories and the knowledge he's read #(there were undoubtedly titles that featured romance at Grace Field but it's a bit different reading about it happening to others #and it happening to you)

☆ Monster AU doodles by @tempo-takoyaki

#THAT FUCKING NORMAN IN THE TOP RIGHT KDJFSAS #it is so rare for him to be the Person C in the birdsquirrel trio dynamic but he is so done with their shit #not even needing to look at Ray in the bottom left to figure out what he was thinking I love it #long-suffering; so long-suffering #also the lil crying one 🥺 with them nibbling on him with their little bby fangs 🥺🥺 precious 🤧 #“Emma doesn't need to do it she just thinks it's fun” #something something “Ray was doing it so I wanted to do it too” LKDFKLKJL #with Isabella and Ray being the only black-haired pureblood vampires these kids have ever met #makes me wonder if they're more inclined to pick up on their connection (combined with their enhanced senses)

☆ "🎉🦉🎂 Happy Birthday, Norman! 🎂🦉🎉" by @officersnickers

#Ray’s got melanin‚ Emma’s got freckles‚ they’re all blushing but Norman’s bushing the most out of them all #the outfits look like something kids would wear (also I'm biased and love hoodies so ray in a hoodie is gr8 in my book lol) #the definition of each of their jawlines but especially the birthday boy's #the details with the folds and shading on the clothes‚ the metallic shine to the balloons with their little crevices‚ #each of them having a candle corresponding to them on the cake that’s littered with little goodies #matching their respective hats that each have the others’ colors in their little poofs #the blurred confetti so we know we’re right in the midst of it erupting and falling around them #in this kinetic chaotic haze of love and warmth #it’s all what he deserve after everything <3

☆ kofi-request by @nekokat42

#can't believe they invented ot3s #← incredibly valid prev tag #love when people give Ray his shark teeth back love that cheeky confidence getting to come out in more relaxed circumstances #and Emma having the time of her life dancing and laughing aaaaahhh. healing 🤍🧡🖤 #love her outfit esp it looks adorable on her #and the way Norman and Ray pause to make eye contact with the latter mid-dance; beautiful

☆ "favorite genre of tpn content: WE LOVE NORMAN!!" by @pawphin

#filed under posts I'll reblog in perpetuity until blocked #to go with the previous reblog #Ouran uniform vibes are still v strong for me lol #but no I love how genius boy Norman is all ? and subdued and slightly bashful in the middle #as if he can't understand what could possibly warrant this intervention #as if he doesn't have any idea of how much they love and adore him and would do near anything for him #We Are All Love Norman Fanclub indeed #love how you capture their personalities with Norman being humbled and finding comfort in their presence #Emma (potentially on tiptoe <3) with a steeply slanted delighted smirk on her lips as she leans in #and Ray‚ whose expression is so frequently camouflaged by his fringe and who favors actions over words when it comes to these matters‚ #not wearing a matching smirk but following her lead without a second thought in such a sweet and tenderly fond fashion #not treating Norman delicately because he's fragile but because he considers him someone to be treasured #as one of his precious two in this moment #love how it all feels so natural to them as they inhabit each others' space #everyone's already cited how gorgeous the colors are but I love how the purples & pinks bring out the hint of pink in his eyes 💗💙 #so many little things to adore that combine into such a soft piece #god tier trio tbqh; can't believe they invented OT3s

☆ "Go for it, Ray!" by @mari-lair

#when i tell you these three have me by the neck i- #im love themb #← prev tags... yeah 🥺🤧🖤🧡🤍 #reblogging again because this is still so incredibly true #adore the moments of NE together adore their individual moments with Ray #it took me a sec to realize Emma and him were holding hands in their solo one; so precious 🤧 #probably during the Cuvitidala search #Norman's cocky side coming out during one of their chess matches #to say nothing of how he's the queen and Emma's the king out of the pieces in the background; all the little nuances in here 🧡🖤🤍 #and then ofc Ray being all sheepish and bashful in the center #he loves them so much and is so grateful they exist even if he thinks he doesn't deserve them :') </3

☆ "DO NOT SEPARATE THEM!!!!!!!!" by @lemcean

#𝕋 ℍ 𝔼 𝕄 🖤🤍🧡 #still absolutely adore this set so much with all of them taking turns being the center of the hug #love how the pink undertone of the shading infuses them with an even greater sense of cozy warmth and safety #love the little leans of each#NE leaning in to support #(and overwhelm bc after GF he's still working on expressing himself openly re: “selfish” personal wants) a blushy mess of a Ray #as Norman gives him a headpat |3 #Norman's got a bit of height over both of them so Ray has to raise himself up a bit to fully get on his shoulder #but it's worth it to see the normally calm‚ cool‚ and collected emperor adorably frazzled 🤍🤍 #and then finally how they both lean down to Emma's height to embrace her #neither of them looking tense as melt into her embrace and you can almost hear the thrum of contentedness radiating from her #stealing another Sae line but ough 's the good good shit #[Love for Emma is not measured quantities to be doled out in scarcity like it is for him and Norman; love for Emma is a fact of life, like the air she breathes and the sun that warms her skin.] #the accuracy #can't believe they invented OT3s

☆ "Specimen" by Jean

#hey fucking kill me (most affectionate) #this is still so immaculate I can't get over it #the way Ray's and Emma's black-to-white ratios for their outfits are opposites while Norman's is more balanced #a cooler white used for him to harmonize with his hair #set against the rich red backdrop to subconsciously bring forth visions of fully bloomed vida fields #so visually striking #the melancholic aura of the piece as they all bow their heads forward #playing into the tragedy of them succumbing to the original fate that was in store for them #immortalized in the innocence of their youth #(akin to the chapter 113 art with the line-up of kids in the present with Norman as he was at Grace Field) #as they're paraded around in their fancy attire for the amusement of those who want nothing more than to feast on their flesh #but oh the way the boys delicately hold their hands out for Emma's to slip into; that unspoken trust and unconditional love #“It's going to be okay. The three of us—Norman‚ Ray‚ and me—are together.” #that reassurance that they're capable of the impossible #as the butterflies and specks of light dance around them in a near ethereal display #very grand very beautiful #though ngl now I'm kind of wishing they had to confront the demons in a more diplomatic manner #along the lines of what Norman does with Geelan or something like Peter showing up at Bayon's party in Ch73 #but with all of them in outfits like these; alas </3

☆ From 約ネバLOG by だいすけ 1881860

#a twist on the spin with Emma being paired with a field though still having the brighter warm colors #while Ray has the night sky but it's being reflected in a dark ocean with some waves for a nice touch #and then Norman with an incredibly blue sky and oceanscape that looks like it could be from the Seven Walls #which is funny considering he's the only one of the three who doesn't go there lol #think the first time i saw this was in a "Dusk Till Dawn" mini amv #and it took forever to find the original source qwq #bless AMV artists who list all their sources either in the description or in a Google doc

☆ "Today on Tori traces animation: Kekkai Sensen ED ft. fullscore trio" by @stray-tori

#𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑬 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑨𝑺𝑺??????????? #𝙏𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀𝘿‚ 𝘽𝙍𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝘼𝙉𝙏‚ 𝙄𝙉𝘾𝙍𝙀𝘿𝙄𝘽𝙇𝙀‚ 𝘼𝙈𝘼𝙕𝙄𝙉𝙂‚ 𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙒-𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙋𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙂‚ 𝙎𝙋𝙀𝘾𝙏𝘼𝘾𝙐𝙇𝘼𝙍 #spoiled spoiled the fandom was so spoiled by you Tori; taking time to share the individual frames no less #strong competitor for my favorite of your TPN animated works omfgggg I can't get over how smooth and seamless this is #the extra work you put into including Emma's bow #and Ray coolly catching Norman from his fall after Emma surprises him with that rush (because if that isn't classically her) #the soft expressions they exchange‚ the mutual bounce and giddiness in their step as they fall into that shared rhythm with ease #borne from their years of finding solace in each other's presence #but oh the muted layer of horror with your ingenuity of placing them in a field of fully bloomed vida #instead of just tracing them over the original's stage background #and to top it all off‚ it's them in their shipment clothes (and not just one or the other but both the manga and anime variants) #similar to that heartbreaking mania Ray works himself up into in the climax of the escape arc #but viewed from the perspective of if Ray had kept the secret or if none of them knew the truth of the house #and them unknowingly dancing along to the cruel tune that was laid out for them over a thousand years ago #alternatively‚ the more upbeat view is them dancing to their own beat completely aware and defying fate #and them drawing strength from each other #a la “If there isn't a place out there for humans to live‚ we'll carve one out for ourselves. Together we'll change the world.” vibes #fun either way though!!! have I conveyed how much I adore this yet? #ty so much for sharing and leaving it for fans to enjoy to this day

☆ "12.05.24" by @bercybbc

#OMFGGGGGGGGGGGG #you op. you get them 🤍🖤🧡 #when you need to let your Ray who is full of love and loyalty know that he is deeply loved in return #the way Emma's hand is on his neck to gently tilt him closer to her #while Norman tenderly holds his chin so he can place a soft kiss to his cheek #(Emma's other hand resting on his wrist‚ sentiments so profoundly interwoven) #and the relaxed tension born of fondness you convey with the shape and slope of the latter's iconic brow especially‚ <3 #love how you define his Adam's apple and jawline too; so solidly satisfying #and their strong noses? their hands??? the way they melt into each other's touch and reaffirm each other's concept of home #can't get over it can't get over any of it #I'm that one sped-up gif of the guy walking into the living room and knocking over a vase on repeat (most affectionate) #ty for sharing this is a great start to my day

☆ "The trio 💕" by @h0lymanteca

#oh. oh they is hold. #they is hold and secure 🧡🤍🖤 #thinking about how protective Norman is of them that he fully accepted walking to his death not just once‚ but twice #and once he got them back at the paradise hideout it's like this lol #I love the small contented smiles on Emma's and Norman's faces #meanwhile Ray is feigning indifference but he can't stop the blush from creeping up on his face as he accepts the embrace and leans in #him and Emma both safely nestled in the crook of Norman's neck #after thinking they'd never be together again with him until the afterlife #stealing this from you for the umpteenth time sae but #[If Norman had to give a name for the emotion Ray seems to be feeling right now, he would say: relief.] #feel like that's what permeates this piece with the content yet small tired lines around Emma's eyes #but tired because they have a moment to safely relax and breathe #and Ray's definitely feeling that too #aaaa so soft 💕💕

☆ "they were alone in the kitchen and Ray came in for a morning hug <3" by @h0lymanteca

#filed under RENarts that drive me crazy stupid #the pure domesticity 💯👌👌😩 #me whenever I see Ray not wearing the blacks and greys he longed for at Grace Field #especially when Emma's associated with the sun‚ Norman's associated with the moon‚ and he's associated with the night sky/stars #nice detail with that pattern choice with how he's got an arm wrapped solidly around each one of them #the sky and stars gently enveloping the two in a safe and secure hug 🥺🤧 #perfect with those aforementioned associations as well as in capturing their typical demeanors?? #Ray coming in quietly and maybe comparatively subdued in the way he expresses his love and loyalty #but it's imbued in his actions and gestures and Emma and Norman can feel it emanating from him #also in his matching blush u///u #meanwhile Emma is unabashed in her open displays of affection and reacts with glee to Ray's joining her and Norman #while Norman will sort of act as a bridge between the two; usually never reaching Emma's levels of expressiveness #but still being more willingly to openly display his affections in a gentle way #like here with the contented smile and blush on his face as he's sandwiched between them #(not that he minds as the one most prone to freezing; why i hc him as sleeping in the middle 90% of the time) #that lean back so he can see more of Ray and make room for him #and it's all so warm too with this palette choice aaaaah 🖤🤍🧡 #also that hand on the hip #Ray might have interrupted but they don't mind :')

☆ "3" by @yaboybokuto

#such tender kissies #love the gentle contentment with Norem #smiling into each other with gentle touches #the casual giddiness with Rayem #at least for Emma; Ray looks a little timid but the gesture feels familiar #the soft passion with Norray #Ray almost looks a little desperate reaching up to kiss him #their hands and expressions do a great job of conveying their different dynamics #they are tender #← incredible and accurate prevs #also love how the blush streak across each of their faces #leads to a visually pleasing asymmetrical symmetrical path for the eye to follow on a first viewing of the piece #love how OP gets REN

☆ "As I drew it, I remembered NER holding hands." by @vinokurinner

#wow can't believe they're married now #hands is hold 🤝 #the way they do it so delicately too‚ ah |3 <3 but especially the way Ray tenderly cups and takes Norman's? #Like bitch what?? 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵??? (utmost affection) #Norman's little bow to Emma and the way he's standing so proper with his hands behind his back as she's putting the ring on Ray fjdvkld #love how the comic is primarily composed of white‚ black‚ and pink to really make their rings stand out #they all look so dashing?? i love Emma's nontraditional wedding outfit so much??? #also love how they're balanced in the last panel since Norman and Ray both gained a head on Emma #and how she's got this officiating pose for the final leg of their exchange #good stuff great stuff

☆ "I just finished Promised Neverland soooo" by @vassssssssssss

#LONG-HAIRED NORMAN LONG-HAIRED NORMAN HOLY SHIT #i've only ever seen Sunny draw him with long hair aaaaah #m'guy close to pulling a Julius; he will never beat the Ratri allegations in my eyes #likewise Ray displaying the most PDA out of a trio pic is rare but not unwelcome #him with stubble 🖤🖤 i will always be on the hc of him growing a beard when he's older #love the choice in gold effects for each of them #along with the quiet‚ serene atmosphere as they all lean into each other and draw solace from each other's presence #built up from a lifetime of familiarity and safety #literally just used this a few days ago but once again pulling out the sae defending quote [In hindsight—it’s probably been true since they were children playing tag in trees, too young to know anything except each other.] #bc yeah kill me softly with that one #also tiny note like the detailing/strokes used for their eyebrows

☆ "compilado REN" by @7w7thais

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #ALL THE LITTLE SNAPSHOTS OF PURE DOMESTIC BLISS #AND THEIR RINGS FUCKING AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🖤🧡🤍🖤🧡🤍🖤🧡🤍 #okay i'm (ostensibly) normal and (slightly more) coherent now #Norman being tall and bulky enough to fit a little Emmita in his jacket with her adorable beret doubles the adorable #Norman as a Sylveon to Ray's Umbreon oh that's nice; also that the latter was willing to get into the kigurumi without much fuss lol #them doing facials together and 𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 that cuddling under the covers #with Norman looking pleased as punch at that behind kiss #adore the way you covey how they each carry themselves because I always feel that energy and fervor thrumming beneath the surface for Emma #girl just has so much love to give and makes no attempt to deny the obvious (nor believes she should) #while Norman and Ray are more subdued and reserved in their displays of affection but by no means does that make them less loving #the quiet reveling in the mundane (especially in that bottom left one with Ray nestling into the crook of his neck 🤍🖤) #further evidence Ray is a cat #that bottom right one of him and Emma looking so content |33 #special shoutout to the soft look he gives her in the top right he's in his element cooking is one of his love languages <3 #oh and the way she cards through his hair while he's playing the switch; they fit together so naturally after everything #AND AND Norman shaving the peach fuzz off his face and winding up baby-skin smooth (nothing less than perfection ✨✨) #while Ray looks on with a quirked brow of interest jkfsj #love how you play with the square jawline in the shadow while he still has a softer‚ rounder one #aaand I'm running out of tag space but as always love the way you get them and show your love for them; a patron saint of REN 🙏🖤🧡🤍

☆ "💕" by @7w7thais

#LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #Thais I'll never be over the way you capture the warm tenderness between them #interwoven with a playful mischievousness and underlined with a delighted steady giddiness #particular like the confident‚ open cheekiness Ray displays as a means of saying “come on‚ you know you love me” #wrt to whatever he's just said #the repeated reverie at having that constant of home in each other's arms after everything they've been through #almost not believing it's real as they soak in the moment before the reassurance that it is with each embrace #and how they enrich each other's lives in the ways they challenge and inspire each other #making sure to live up to the sentiments of “I'll show you something cool‚ so shut up and follow” with something new every day #'s the good stuff 💯👌👌 love how that's all reflected in their eyes and body language #and the lighting for enhancement #also Ray's piercings yeees <3

☆ "pampering Emma" by @bakeddeer

#filed under RENarts that drive me crazy stupid #[woah woah woah hold up#THIS ARTSTYLE??? it’s so unique and whimsical and geometric but still soft?? like how?? #I love the glow and how both Emma and Ray appear to generate light while Norman doesn’t #it’s so SAD and so PRETTY #like op please illustrate a book or publish an art collection I would pay] #← realest prev prev tags fr fR #alt Emma is the one emanating light/who the light is centered on and they're both just basking in it #(“just” from their perspective with their self-worth issues </3) #her and Ray have glow-in-the-dark shoelaces‚‚‚even the president would be jealous‚‚‚ #110% agree about the geometric style it feels so jaunty and perfectly reflective of their respective dynamics with her pre-Escape #(though her cravat paired with her in a skirt initially threw me lol) #Norman being more hands on and open in the way he holds her and cradles her head as she delights in telling him something #Ray hands off and feigning nonchalance but very much willing to let her be this up in his personal space #and wouldn't even consider letting her fall #for him to treat her the same way as Norman would be inauthentic to all of them #thus we arrive at the caption (which is‚ gah‚ love how much is said so simply) and how they each do that in their own ways #love the grand cosmic and ethereal feel to this with the coloring and enhanced by the speckling and lack of a background #making it feel like they're adrift in a pure distillation of each bond #god they are fucking everything and this set is fantastic; sun and moon imagery unparalleled and immaculate

☆ "Stay" by @theamazincactus

#filed under posts I'll reblog in perpetuity until blocked #the way this art still drives me absolutely fucking 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘦 (most affectionate) #how they're floating in this black nothingness as he's just lost and adrift before they gently confront him #at first i almost didn't see Ray (</3) #but nope he's just got himself wrapped around Norman's back as they surround him from both sides dlkfjl 🖤🤍🧡 #because if that isn't the most Ray approach: to offer that silent yet steady comfort; that undying‚ unyielding loyalty #After the powerful declarations they give him in Ch153 #“I've decided that I won't let you kill yourself anymore. That I won't let you go it alone‚ Norman.” #“We don't want a future where you're going to suffer. No matter what result it brings.” #they've gotta be firm because he's so damn obstinate klsfjkls #but underneath that there's the very palpable fear of losing him when they just got him back #and this desperate and gentle and admittedly selfish (but they don't care and they'll accept the consequences) plea #that's so simple yet weighed with so much gravity to speak to the core of his soul and what he wants for himself. “𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑦.” #love how in the midst of all this there's light bathing them from above but not quite engulfing them #as Norman is just on the precipice of this pivotal decision #love how his eyes are the only blue in the pic to highlight how terrified and vulnerable he feels #(his soul is bare before them yet he continues to hesitate in returning either of their holds) #but Ray and Emma accept him in his entirety i'm fucking. love them so much your honor 🖤🤍🧡 #ty so much for sharing this op it's still so appreciated

☆ "look fullscore trio are soulmates and no one– NO ONE – can convince me otherwise." by @salsae

#Phil goes to Harvard and they are the proudest older sibs 🥳 #always love when people incorporate how even when they're older their family is still so v important to them #also cannot overstate how amazing and healing it is to see Norman so carefree to the point where he's willing to dance with them #(it comes as no surprise for Emma‚ but Norman? just getting to be silly without any pretense #after how meticulously he curated the Minerva persona to shield himself? aaah love that for him) #“Emma's living her best life‚ cuddling with her bfs‚ in her bf's jacket‚” #“watching weird (but cute) animal videos w her big giraffe phone case‚ let's just fast-forward to this future thanks” #YES PLEASE WORDS CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS MIDDLE PIC 🖤🧡🤍 #just. the pure domesticity and their chaotic arrangement on the couch. and emma being allowed to have hair below her neck #'s beautiful #“Ray is always in the middle for expressions of love‚ but when they're cuddling/in bed Norman is in the middle b/c the other two run warm.” #“Any other time Emma is in the middle” yes yes yeeeeeeesssssssss fully agree #(outside of the middle swapping around for whoever might be in need of some extra tlc on a bad day) #i love the way you get them sm sae 🧡🖤🤍

☆ "more full romo full score trio" by @salsae

#SAE WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS #just. fuuuuuuck i've said this so many times but i love how you get them #the pure adoration in NR's eyes as they look at each other and the way Norman tenderly tilts up Ray's face #meanwhile Emma is a cat personified as she arches her back in content against Ray to nuzzle up to his chin #even her face is scrunched up like one kdfjsd 🧡 #meanwhile the way her hand rests on Norman's‚‚‚🧡🤍 love how the aura around her ring emanates as well #and then the second pic where the boys switch off to making sure she's pampered nestled between them #and the way Ray delicately kisses her freckled shoulder as his fingers are interlaced with Norman's #not with a desperate grip but more lightly as they revel in the sensation of touch #(just love how you drew the hands but esp where the pinkies lay to convey they're in the middle of movement) #all to be expected from a patron saint of REN bless you for this bounty 🙏🧡🤍🖤

☆ "We'll show you something great, so shut up and marry us" by @salsae

#filed under posts I'll reblog in perpetuity until blocked #I still love this piece sm Sae the sunbeams to bless their union and highlight their rings are immaculate #along with imbuing the autumn scene with a cozy warmth while using the contrast of the cool blue sky to make them pop in the foreground #the S1e11/Ch33 callback is nothing short of brilliant with how it was used to connect the three of them #now elevated by Norman being physically present beside RE it is everything. to me. #also will forever champion older Ray sporting a beard like his dad Yuugo :'')

24 notes · View notes

genericpuff · 8 months ago

Note

From the standpoint of someone who doesn't even like LO that much. Reading through this gave me a strange sense of discomfort? I think. Something about the combination of the essays, and the digs at the author in a lot of posts, and making a community based on it, and the ranting. It made it feel a lot more group ragging on something than normal fandom re-writes. I can't help but want to say something on the subject (0/3)

Gonna respond to all your asks together if that's okay, from what I can glean there's a word limit on mobile (?) so it makes it very interesting to see who's able to put all their thoughts into one big ask vs. who has to cut them up into parts 😆

So I can understand that discomfort, it's actually one that I also initially felt towards the community when I discovered it. Though even more so because when I found out about antiLO being a thing, I was still a MASSIVE fan of LO and my thought was "wow, these people are losers" LOL but then a lot of what they were saying resonated with me more as I realized the story was going nowhere (it was around the trial arc when Eris was revealed to be the 'reason' for Persephone's wrath).

All that said, I don't think I was wrong to feel off back then even though I don't feel that way now. We have our own takes and ways of approaching certain subjects, and how we feel is how we feel.

I will say that I can't, in any way, take credit for 'creating' the community. AntiLO pre-existed me by years and I was simply welcomed in as my opinions of the comic changed. I was a lot more involved in UnpopularLoreOlympus when it was born around the S2 finale of the comic. So... don't give me any sort of credit in 'owning' this community or anything of that sort, I came in during a period when criticism of the comic was becoming more common practice. I'm just also someone who's very verbose and loud in their opinions which appeals to a lot of people in this community, so I get why people might see me as some kind of "pillar" within it or like I'm the loudest person in the room, but I promise you that doesn't mean I have any sort of ownership over this part of the fandom or that I feel my opinions carry any more weight than the people around me. It's just a community, after all, not a religion.

It's true that saying I'm not making money off Rekindled doesn't mean I'm not benefiting off it in other ways. But the 'benefits' are still kinda... nothing? in the grand scheme of things? like okay great I have loads of people reading my stuff every update but like, this is still just Tumblr lmao none of this is real and as soon as Rekindled is over, I might be lucky to bring some of the readers over into my next project, but I doubt whatever I do next will get as popular as Rekindled was. All the "benefits" I get are virtually the same as what people writing fanfiction get on AO3 get or what people doing redraw videos on Youtube get. It's fake Internet points for making fan creations.

And that's okay, because that's sorta just the nature of fandom in general, throughout any niche community. People will be naturally drawn to what's familiar and what I do here appeals to the people who are familiar with LO and the criticisms of it, often people who agree with those criticisms. The Zelda community has LinkedUniverse, Pokemon has Hanamusa, Attack on Titan has communities that are dedicated to loving the anime, hating the anime, and even dunking on people who don't 'get' the anime, Undertale has every single crazy rewrite and rewrites-of-rewrites that have been spawned from its fanbase. Did you know there's an entire community of people who discuss and argue over fire alarms? I didn't, but when I found out about it, it was after listening to a video on Youtube discussing all the interconnected drama of the fire alarm community. Like that's wild and seems so stupid and pointless... but it matters to the people who are in it, and my opinion of how they operate isn't going to change how it makes them feel to be a part of that space. That's kinda just human nature, we create our own little microcosms of things to bond over so for people within those microcosms, any amount of disagreement or discomfort will feel massive in proportion.

I guess the point of what I'm trying to say is that a lot of this stuff feels crazy loud but it's really only that loud because it's occupying a single room.

The reality is that Rekindled is still a very niche project dedicated to a niche webtoon that's a part of a niche medium. As loud as it is within here, it's still only because it's such a closed community. Anyone outside of the Webtoons community has zero clue what it is. The 'attention' that I'm getting is still from other niche people who occupy a very specific interest.

And that's not even exclusive to Rekindled, despite Webtoons attempts to sell LO as a 'worldwide phenomenon', a lot of people don't know it exists and couldn't care less. Does that mean my rantings about the comic and its creator matter any less to me or the people who are interested in them? Not really. Is it all pointless? Maybe, but not everything really needs to have some bigger point. We're all kinda just here spending time talking about something we both love and can't stand. What I say about LO and do with Rekindled is undoubtedly inconsequential and pointless to people who aren't in the room. That's fine. That's why I keep it all in my own house. There are definitely people who talk about it outside of the home but that's far from what I can control.

That said, I think LO also does fall into a very unique category where it's very easy to do rewrites and redraws of it simply because it, in and of itself, is a rewrite. Rekindled is far from being the first "fix it" fic, not only of LO but also of any piece of media in general, it's not really a new phenomenon (but again, when it's loud, it can be easy to go "well clearly YOU had to influence this"). People are drawn to retelling LO or 'fixing' it because LO is based on Greek myth. If it weren't for that, no, I don't think people would be as interested in doing so. It's because we literally have a solid foundation of reference material - the myths and original poems - that we can go "hey, why did LO do this? it should have / could have been xyz". You can't really do that as much with a purely original work besides wish fulfillment of "what if xyz happened" because whatever an original piece of work winds up being is clearly what it was meant to be. We have nothing to compare it against.

But with LO, we know what it could have been because we know what it was trying to be since day 1 - a retelling of the Abduction of Persephone. That's not to say we always knew exactly what Rachel was planning on doing with it, but it's not hard to be disappointed when we see certain mythical stories being established in LO - such as the tale of Eros and Psyche, the Titanomachy, etc. - only to see them get dropped or completely mishandled.

On the one hand I could use HADES and Stray Gods as examples of popular media that don't get 'rewritten' the same way LO does because while they have their own unique interpretations of the myths they're based on, they still feel like properly thought out stories that appreciate the source material. LO, by comparison, feels like it's written by someone who hates Greek myth.

But on the other hand, those rewrites may absolutely exist and I'm just not aware of them because I don't occupy those rooms! The world is only as big as we perceive it to be.

That said, it's always sort of ironic to me when people say Rekindled is "riding off the coattails of LO" because while I can understand their sentiment - because obviously it's a direct re-creation of LO - that opinion seems to operating from the assumption that LO was ever not riding off Greek myth's coattails to begin with.

And no, I don't think my criticizing of LO on an LO-focused blog should in any way be conflated with "media isn't allowed to be bad". I've said this before and I'll say it again, I'm into loads of bad media. I'm also fully capable of enjoying a piece of media but also shit-talking it without actually feeling any sort of vitriol towards it. House M.D. is one of my favorite TV shows but goddamn some of the plots are just so dramatic and out-of-this-world that you can't help but laugh at them (and that's why we have spaces like /r/okaybuddyvicodin LOL). One of my favorite games growing up was Starfox Adventures because I had never played the original Starfox games but I had played loads of Zelda and Adventures was basically Zelda but with Starfox, and I know there are plenty of people who will go "but puff, that game is ass!" and I know! But I love it regardless.

With LO, it's not a matter of "bad media shouldn't exist!" it's a matter of observing what makes it so bad and why that's had a negative impact on both the audience it attracts (primarily teenagers and children) as well as the culture it's taking its ideas from. If LO was just some "so bad its good" webtoon that was easy to enjoy but also poke fun at, I would have zero issue. It's the fact that it's blatantly problematic in its writing and intentions but still hailed as the #1 webtoon on the platform (webtoons in and of themselves being a medium that I've lived in for over a decade so it's virtually impossible to get away from whatever is influencing the culture as a whole) while winning all these accolades for being "brilliantly written" and its creator is given a voice over Greek culture when she herself is not Greek or even well-read on Greek culture in any capacity - that's the issue and why I've spent so much time talking about LO. And if it wasn't me, it would be anyone else, because the problem has been around for ages and people have been trying to get the word out about it for years.

I don't necessarily think every 'fix it fic' is built equally. I think it's a case by case thing. A lot of people are deadass just doing it for fun and to be a part of a community, and I think that's wonderful. There are also people who try to do this but ultimately disrespect whatever the creator was going for by somehow implying that their own original ideas were inferior just by existing, or using their fix-it fics as a way to deliberately harass the original creators (ex. whatever the fuck 'art lore' is on TikTok, based on what I've seen it seems purely made for bullying budding artists and talking shit which is... gross af, but I don't think it's anywhere near the same as readers of LO calling out its highly successful award-winning creator for having zero clue what she's doing with her comic lmao). I don't think a blanket statement of "fix it fics are bad" accomplishes anything because it depends on a variety of factors like the person's intentions and what they're trying to accomplish. Many fanfictions in general could be called 'fix it fics' even if the creator 100% loved the source material with zero issue - because they're still saying "what if xyz happened instead"?

Me, personally? I'm someone who loves Greek myth and who used to adore LO. I was very discouraged and upset when I saw it turned into what it became, and I wanted to try my own hand at creating something new out of the rubble that could give me closure. It's what I choose to do with my time and other people seem to enjoy it as well. I'm sure there's loads to criticize and speculate on regarding my 'intentions' in creating it, but at the end of the day I'm sorta just doing what I want to do with my time because I have a lot of thoughts and ideas I need to get out of my head and many of them are thoughts and ideas that other people like reading about.

If you feel uncomfortable by the amount I talk about it here and the way I talk about it, that's fine. Those are your feelings. There are loads of other antiLO-themed blogs to read that might not give you that same vibe. Even I have certain icks towards certain opinions within the antiLO community, I've seen some people be genuinely shitty and I'm sure that's ironic to hear considering you're describing your own discomfort towards my stuff, but we all have different tolerances towards different things at the end of the day.

I do my part to keep things in my own house of a neighborhood that's really small in the grand scheme of things. It just feels like a big neighborhood if you don't travel. There will inevitably come a day where I'll pack my boxes and move elsewhere, talk about new things and write essays about other topics. That's obviously not today but I definitely don't want this to just be like, my entire identity or the rest of my life LOL it's just something I've chosen to spend my free time doing and I'm content with that. Maybe a year from now I'll feel differently, who knows? At the very least I'm hoping to one day finish Rekindled because no, I don't want this to actually be my identity for the rest of my life, change is a good thing LOL but what that change will bring is, for now, a mystery. Here's hoping wherever I end up at least brings its own uniquely good times like I've had here :' )

Sorry, that was a very long response with a lot of sorta aimless muddling over the topic at hand, but thank you for the opportunity to discuss it regardless ! because I do think it's important to find that 'grounding point' when it comes to stuff like this. because as much as I get riled up over LO, yeah, at the end of the day, it's just a dumb webtoon and I don't wanna go soiling myself over it LOL but I'm also just like... running a Tumblr blog with my personal thoughts and ideas, no more or no less. Even the "attention" I get is still only 200-400 notes per new episode of Rekindled, which pales in comparison to any real metrics of "success" imo LMAO again, it just feels loud because this is a niche community made up of a lot of the same names and faces; step outside of it and no one gives a shit LOL

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

61 notes · View notes

cyberphuck · 3 months ago

Text

The Patreon Post

SO HERE'S THE DEAL: I do not want to make anyone have to pay to see my art.

Let's be real: there are like fifty bajillion other, more skilled, and better-known artists on Patreon putting out more detailed, more unique, more in-demand, and just more art than I am (or want to). I'm a self-taught, frequently distracted amateur who's had an iPad for a year. I'm not gonna pretend that I am going to be able to pull in more Patreon subs-- or keep them, for that matter-- on the strength of my random doodles alone. I have never really thought or even hoped that I could do that, because it would mean Doing Art As A Job, and I absolutely do not want to associate "drawing" with "work." (I also don't have the means, time, motivation or experience to self-promote and/or keep a small community of followers entertained, and even the thought of having to do all that on top of having to Draw For Work is terrifying.) There's the self esteem-destroying gutpunch that someone with BPD (me haha!) receives when they ask if something they created is "worth" a certain amount and are answered with silence. (If you have BPD, you know that 'silence' is so much worse than 'no.') I don't think that anyone is actually saying my work is worthless any more than I think stairs were invented to fuck over people with bad knees, but I want to avoid one for the same reason I avoid the other: hurts and bad for healing. And also, maybe most importantly, most of the fans of my work are my friends, and most of my friends are poor people. I do not ever want someone to have to choose between "Eggman weeping as he cradles a slain Speedy Gonzales" and "rent." Lots of people I know just don't have any money to spare even for professionally made entertainment, or, like me, sometimes they have money (yay, beginning of the month!) and sometimes they don't (booo, end of the month). I'm not gonna put a paywall between my friends and my art. So, as always, you can view all of my art on Patreon for free, without an account*. (*you will have to have an account to view NSFW stuff but this will be in the 'free' tier as well.) H O W E V E R. You guys I am so fucking poor. If you follow my blog you know the whole story already-- mental illness, chronic illness, chronic mental illness, surprise rescue puppies, surprise fines from the city, the fukken recently concussed clown show that is social services in my area-- and you've seen me having to crowdfund for everything from food to gas to dog emergencies. We budget down to the cent and have cut out so many things (like the meal replacement shakes for my eating disorder lol) and we're still not making ends meet. I've got friends who help, and they help a lot, but I hate the miserable, humiliating task of asking for help every single month. (You guys also know that I don't have family that can help me, even if shit goes critical. I was on my own while I was a homeless sex worker, on my own when we lived in a shed with no windows, on my own when we were in a house with no heat and only one source of running water, and definitely on my own now, in desperate need of mobility aids, house cleaners, and a god damn break.)

So here's where I'm at: I can't ask a few people for a lot of support, but I can ask a bunch of people for a little bit. If you like my art and want to help me keep making it, want to help me make shitpost replies to people on the internet, want to help me do free askbox art challenges: Put your doodle prompt requests in the askbox. You can even request stuff anonymously! Participate in polls about what prompts you wanna see. Reblog the art you like, show off the doodle you got, leave keysmashes in the tags. The more people see the post, the more statistically likely it is we'll find the one person on Tumblr with disposable income. Also, people should know they can get free art when the prompts are live! Sub to the Patreon if you can spare three bucks a month (you can also do Ko-fi if you don't want to make a Patreon account). Ko-fi is also a good place to just plunk something into the tip jar once in a while. There are Artcards and Monthly Sketch sub tiers on Patreon for a little bit more, but I will send an Artcard to pretty much anyone who asks as long as I have some left. The art is free, it will always be free. But if you can, spare a dollar (or three).

#artists on tumblr #queer artist #mutual aid

27 notes · View notes

dol-dee · 7 months ago

Note

So... you imagine DoL set in the early 2000s? ME TOO. Tell me more about that!

aaaaaaa yes I do!!!! (Sorry for the late reply haha. I kept forgetting to come back to this ask) I think I started to feel that way pretty early on, since there's hardly any electronics around in game.

You don't have access to a phone yourself (which, admittedly makes sense as an orphan) but electronics get barely mentioned in general. (I'm guessing the true reason for it, is that it would be too much of a hassle to implement electronics as a mechanic in game. bc arguably you should easily be able to buy a phone or w/e later on, if dol actually took place in our time) Named npcs often have phones to record you with (which I kinda forgot about tbh lmao) but unless in that context, phones don't get brought up at all iirc. None of the named npcs ever ask you for your phone number and Social media isn't really a topic of conversation either.

The only Computers that I remember mentioned in game are Leightons, Mickey's, Kylars and the one you can check in the police station. (I don't remember if Bailey even has one or not.) They are far and few between. They also all read as desktop computers to me and not laptops. Hell, the only gaming Console to ever be a topic of interest, is Robins. I don't think we hear of/see any handheld conosles at all. Even TV's rarely get mentioned.

Pop Culture, like manga, anime and games doesn't seem to be a big thing yet either.

All of that gives me the impression that most electronic is still pretty sparse and hard to come around and kinda reminds me of my childhood when those interests where still conisdered niche/nerdy and weird. The few characters that have desktop pc's seem to be ones that had/have enough money (like Kylar, maybe Bailey?) to foot the bill, are either in a high enough position of power to own one (like leighton) or they're involved enough in shady business that they might have the resources to have their own equipment (Mickey).

tbf a lot of my reasoning can be argued against or easily explained away, but I think dol is infinitely more interesting as a game/story when it's set during the early/mid 2000s, where most electronics were still hard to come by.

Oh and last but not least: it simply makes for easier story telling haha. I think there would be way more ""plot holes"" you'd have trouble explaining away if it was set during modern times. considering how much digital surveilance we have nowadays.

Aside from all the examples I just brought up, dol just has that 2000s grime to me. It's so grungy and dank in it's vibes that it always reminds me of that timeframe. Just has that kinda clunky/kitschy charm to it. (a more eclectic personal explanation is that the seasons in game still feel the way I remember them for my childhood. nowadays everything feels really out of wack thanks to global warming. Although I'm sure that people who are older than me would say the same haha)

to keep this already long post short(er lmao) I'm gonna go into some headcanons under the cut; Basically which Characters have electronics and why:

Avery: has an expensive af and extremely clunky looking (by todays standards) work laptop, that she sometimes lugs around. Also owned one of the first mobile phones. Those really big and blocky ones. Maybe even had one of those phones that were built into cars. However, I think shed be kinda annoyed by mobile phones*, even if she's extremely diligent in answering her calls. (the grind never stops) *based on this comic from 1919 about pocketphones: Mostly because she strikes me as someone who doesn't care to be overly accessible and also hates it when whatever shes doing at the moment gets disrupted by something else.

Alex: Canonically has a phone in game. To me it's a landline phone. They don't own much electronics beside it. They have no desktop pc and no mobile phone. (canonically the own a tv and I feel like they'd have a radio, maybe even an old record player) Bailey: It would make sense for them to have a desktop computer but I can't remember if they canonically (and with that I mean in game) do have one or not. I could see it either way tbh. As they strike me as a stubborn hard ass whos paranoid about electronics and quickly gets annoyed by it) They only own burner phones aside from the official landline phone thats designated for "over the counter" orphanage business. Eden: Has an old ass radio and an extremely dusty burner phone that bailey gave them once. They don't own anything else

Harper: has a mobile phone they got from Remy, it's purely for business. I don't think they have one for personal business. They own a pager though bc of the hospital. They probably have a desktop pc too if only for hospital stuff.

Kylar: Has a Desktop pc, their parents footed the bill for that many screened monstrosity (tbf i dont know enough to remember if old pcs are even able to have several monitors connected to them or not). Probably had a mobile phone once. Whitney stole it. They own a few consoles but they prefer pc gaming (pc master race /j) Some 2000s era games (with no consideration for an exact timeframe) that I think Kylar would be into are : Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines American McGee's Alice Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 / Persona 3 Portable The Urbz: Sims in the City The Sims 2 The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

Robin: No mobile phone, the only electronics they keep around (until they inevitably need to sell them for emergency money) are an old tv and a gaming console. I have no concrete headcanons regarding the exact console and games unfortunately. (They seem to like superhero related stuff and I don't remember enough games that I associate with that direction of the top of my head)

Sydney: Has access to a landline phone but thats it. they don't have a mobile phone. Maybe they got to look at/ try out a pc at Kylars house once upon a time, but I don't think Sirris has one themself. I might be off with this but I could see Sirris being the one who bought a few early nintendo consoles like the SNES and Game Cube. Maybe even a gameboy.

Whitney: I don't think Whitney or their family is particularly wealthy so all of the access to electronics that they got, is either through wealthier friends, bullying or stealing. They have a mobile phone and probably a few handheld consoles they nabbed off their victims (in secret).

#asks #ask #degrees of lewdity #dol meta #< uh kinda ig?? lmao #avery #alex #bailey #eden #harper #kylar #robin #sydney #whitney #replying to asks #sorry again for the late reply having no object permanence is a son of a bitch lmao #druxy cant stfu as always #yaptime

48 notes · View notes

cyclogenesis · 8 days ago

Text

life updates ✨

today i'm going to swim UP from the depths of the rejection sensitive dysphoria i've been absolutely drowning in lately and i'm going to WRITE and POST this update despite the fact that i want to delete it all already because nobody cares (shut up rsd!! i fucking told you!!!!) so, anyway~~

today i'm going to write the four remaining netgalley book reviews i'm behind on from last year, and in between i'm going to answer comments and feel engaged with as a human instead of the...fantasy npc simulacrum of a daughter/granddaughter | void of a content machine | middling and wildly rejectable acquaintance i've been feeling like lately. when interactions make me feel bad i'm like oh man i hate feeling bad. feeling bad is the worst and it happened because of an interaction. it is therefore logical to isolate myself from the sources of hurt and avoid interactions. and i'm correct tbh but also that is objectively a bad idea. and i know that because i've done it before. i know my own stupid patterns. argh!!

it's just that the bad interactions make me feel like i'm standing at the edge of a cliff and i have vertigo and i'm swaying and dizzy and i know i'm going to fall. but i'm stuck there. i'm stuck in the moment before falling, in this miserable in-between space. and it's like god. get me out of here!!

i'm going to call grammy today. i should have already called her this week. she went into the hospital on saturday night because she's in too much pain and they let her out monday morning with a new treatment plan. i talked to her sunday and she sounded good. i'll be going back to fresno next week for her 86th birthday.

and i just keep thinking about how i'll be there when the new ethel cain record comes out. and so i'll tuck up into the guest room when grammy goes to bed at 8pm and i'll listen to this hour and a half long record. (ten thousand prayer hands emojis go here.) and the last time i was out of town for a record i was excited about it was boygenius in 2023 and so i listened to it for the first time in another guest room, my friend's in new york, and that's where i heard letter to an old poet for the first time and got weepy. and then i listened to it walking through central park on a cold sunny april morning and felt alive and lovely.

but ethel cain is good fresno music. and i'll be able to listen to it all the way through twice on the drive back home. another bright sharp association for art to carry.

i remember this guy i passed on the street in paris. he was homeless (i think?) and frustrated from being ignored for whatever he was asking (i am not as good at french as i would like to think i am) and he ended up yelling "j'existe! j'existe!" at the passers-by. yeah, man. yeah.

my therapist told me to make a list of things i'm grateful for and that i'm looking forward to in the new year. i'm grateful for a lot. when it comes to things i'm looking forward to, i landed on strange new worlds coming back and also, in case it's not clear, the new ethel cain record. (perverts available january 8th!!!)

but i cannot escape the fact that my grandmother is going to die. and also she hit me with the christmas surprise that she changed her will to make her cousin executor (good, my mom was going to be useless and frankly i was afraid she was going to screw me and take everything) so now what was going to be split two ways between me and my mom will also be shared with him and another cousin (a really pleasant fuck-you to me to equally cut in an eighty year old man who lives with his son and doesn't have, you know, student loans or anything). the assets are basically life insurance, a bunch of furniture none of us really have the room for, and however much we can get for her house, which she owns but which is also a mobile home in fresno.

anyway, assuming it's enough that i can convince myself the expense is justifiable, i will be getting that money and flying the fuck out of here. going to greece, see ya. i have a list of islands. i started leaving the country for my birthday in 2023 in part because after rejecting me in favor of my parents in nov 2021, grammy then didn't call me on my birthday the following year after a lifetime of having done so. in fact, she did not call me until twelve days after. this hurt me so badly that i decided to be in a drastically different timezone for every following birthday, because then nobody needs to call anybody. nine hours ahead at the palace of versailles and not really worried about it. thanks. you'd really think my coping mechanisms would have me better at speaking french by now.

so, yeah. i guess i'm looking forward to getting money from my grandmother dying. certainly my therapist will be interested to hear that. frustratingly, i have reached the end of the duolingo greek course and am now just doing the daily refresh lessons which are not great and seem mostly invested in me being able to say and write useful phrases like "ο πυροσβέστης είναι ανίκανος να τρέξει" (the firefighter is incapable of running) and "η καλύτερη άμυνα είναι μια καλή επίθεση" (the best defense is a good offense). recommendations for other apps with good greek courses including writing are of course welcome. which is to say. are there any

writing is still helping. so there's that!

#scenes from a life #mood spoiler: ugh.

12 notes · View notes

androdragynous · 5 months ago

Note

tell me something about your art. fucking love the recent sharp angles.

thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble I love you. kiss

this is going to be a long post but I think it's important so I'm leaving it as a normal post and not a read more

I wrote more words and changed my mind because I got distracted a bunch of times by talking to myself. Enjoy

my own works in general have always been like. The Way By Which I Interact With The World which I think is a pretty common artist experience. my fan art tended to focus on my own characters in those settings rather than on the existing characters because of that, to my younger self's chagrin at times (the desire to Appeal To Fandom was much stronger in my younger years, which I think is also pretty typical). so there was always that lens of, like, these characters aren't me, but they could have been, in some way, or at least when viewed at certain angles. first guy is dealing with the same shit, second guy is doing some gender stuff baby me won't unpack for another five years, you get the idea.

and then the whole disability thing ramped up a few notches and everything went to shit, which is to say, for a really long time there I couldn't so much as look at art without pain, let alone long enough to create it. I did not have the tools to accomodate that disability or the finances to get them, and so for a really long time I was basically cut off from... what honestly felt like my ability to connect with people.

this sucked very badly in many ways. it's still not back to where it was before things got worse, but I'm happy with where it's been recently. I don't know how much of that is connected to getting a blood transfusion and the affiliated correction to my quantity of blood. I don't know how much of it is just pure desperation to reconnect with a world that I feel estranged from. We will come back to this point because I have a different tangent first:

I really don't like vent art. I don't like making it, I don't like posting it, and I don't like seeing it. I understand why people make it - I understand why I do - but there's a very harsh rawness to it that feels inappropriate as a viewer. It's voyeuristic; it's a look into something incredibly deeply personal hurt and an equally deep and genuine desire to have that hurt seen, validified, comforted.

I do not think vent art is bad to create or share, to be clear. The fact it makes me uncomfortable does not illegitimize it. Could honestly strengthen its reason for existing, to be quite honest.

The line blurs with disability, though, and this is where we come back to the original tangent, because to talk about disability that cannot be cured will innately be seen as venting. It's basically inevitable, in my experience. You're supposed to want to get better. You're supposed to hate existing like this. So if you mention it, to people who haven't either been in the same boat or who haven't taken the time to work through their own baggage about it, it's innately a vent. It's innately a hurt that you're burdening them with, a hurt that you want recognized and helped. My family members have been particularly bad about this viewpoint, but so have friends and medical professionals. So have strangers. I find it akin to arguments against gay public displays of affection; two men holding hands is sexual, using a mobility aid is pitiable. You get me? There's that innate sense that you, as the person watching a disabled person be disabled, should be feeling something about it, and if it's not inspiration porn, obviously you're meant to be sad. If it wasn't clear, this is the description of a train of thought that I believe is entirely incorrect.

Anyways. So disability art ends up grouped as vent art if you talk about it sucking at all, even if the suck is about the barriers presented by society and not the disability itself. I can, of course, only speak for my own experience, which is what this post is about, so my situation is very much barriers-focused.

People really, really aren't good at dealing with the discomfort part, what I detailed as the emotions I feel around vent art. People don't know what to do when you don't want help, or their help doesn't help (for whatever reason), or basically in any situation where you can't actually fix things, which is a lot of Being Disabled. It's hard to sit with that discomfort, especially when it's about a person's vulnerability. People want to help others, generally, in my experience, and it's difficult to not be able to when it's someone you care about.

Which all ties back into the voyeurism; to be visibly disabled is to be a spectacle. This has also been pretty inevitable, in my experience. Being in a wheelchair draws attention. Using a cane draws attention. Wearing an eye patch draws attention. So on and so forth. Sometimes this is great - people will offer their chairs to me sometimes if I'm using my cane, for example, which I appreciate - and sometimes it is less great.

This ties in, for me, with the part people REALLY don't like talking about, which is sex and sexuality. How do you date when you can't go out to many places? How do you get to know someone when you live with others and can't invite them over? How do you look sexy when you feel and kind of look like a corpse? These are all questions I'd love to know the answers to, because I'm shit out of luck on figuring it out so far, and that's not even touching on the actual sex, because I don't want to get this post filtered if I can help it. There's a balance, right, of being visible on purpose by flirting, dressing up, going out, making an impact, that is both directly overlapping with and directly opposed to the inevitable visibility of visible disability. They juxtapose magnificently, in a kind of sun and moon during an eclipse sort of way, you get me? You have to lean into it. You have to make yourself comfortable in that visibility because it's inevitable, and you are going to inevitably be viewed as a spectacle because you've leaned into it, and you're never going to be viewed as sexual because nobody will ever distinguish that there are two kinds of visibility being done, here.

And THAT I think is where my art is at right now, trying to convey that overlap. I do not think I have been subtle about it - it's loud colors, sharp lines, layers of vandalism over the original draft, a kind of intentional obscuration that implies many others were drawn to leave their mark there. You know? But because of What It Is, I do think it causes discomfort in the overlap. It's supposed to. It's inevitable that it would. I think being disabled is overtly sexual in the way being gay is overtly sexual in the way being trans is overtly sexual, in that none of them are but none of them aren't, either, in the right contexts or the wrong ones. People are going to see you exist and come to their own conclusions about how wrong you must feel in existing, and they will be made uncomfortable by that perception, and they will want to fix you. You have to accept that or you have to be uncomfortable right back. There's not really a third option that keeps you alive. This is all connected to the art, because the art is also inherently sexual, for approximately the same reasons.

So the tldr is "op is it weird if I think this is hot" is both the intended response and yes, it is weird, and you have to sit with the fact that both of those are true and you have to be normal about it for the rest of your life forever, and also you should take that knowledge and get weirder about it. It's a complex system. I also may have described none of it. Good luck.

#patch me through to palaven command

22 notes · View notes

ryoko-akari · 8 months ago

Text

I wrote this a while ago for @dr-docktor and his Curt Falls AU but finally decided to post it on here. For a bit of context it's set post "musical" a few months after Owen rescues Curt on the stairwell and during Curts recovery period. Because we wanted to give them a happy ending, but it'd be something they'd have to fight tooth and nail for. So without further waiting, enjoy what I've dubbed the "nightmare drabble." (Pretend the Asterix stuff is in italics I'm on mobile tumblr and it hates me)

Owen was a light sleeper, always has been. It'd helped him as a kid listen out for the blaring air raid sirens, and it'd helped him throughout his career from letting anyone get the drop on him while vulnerable.

Now, it was alerting him to how Curt needed him, and fast by the looks of it.

Curt hadn't woken up yet, but Owen didn't need him to to recognize the telltale signs of how he tossed and turned in the sheets and mumbled incoherant phrases into the pillow. Mutters of the word "no" over and over were the only ones Owen really understood. Curt hadn't gotten to the point of screaming in his sleep just yet, they were lucky in that regard (if one could call any of their situation lucky, that is). But Owen knew what to do now. He'd done it so many times the routine felt like clockwork.

"Curt? Love, it's me, it's alright. It’s just a night terror. It'll pass." Owen spoke softly, but repeated the little mantra he'd found to be effective the last few times. Careful not to hold Curt down in any way, last thing he wanted was a repeat of that instance. (While being pinned down could certainly be considered exciting, having his arms roughly pulled behind his back much further than they were supposed to was, most decidedly, not an experience worth repeating.)

Curt woke with a start, eyes flying open as he shot up in bed like a rocket, bracing his upper body with both arms behind him. Gripping tightly to the sheets as he heaved air into his lungs. Owen waited a few moments to let him process whatever he'd witnessed behind closed eyelids, waited until he heard the American's breath finally start to even out.

"You're alright, Curt. It's alright, I'm here, I've got you." Owen slowly sat up, propping himself up on a bent elbow, turning to better face Curt.

Curt, who had now turned sharply to face him, and Owen could see in the faint moonlight the way his eyes went wide. He heard the way Curt's breathing picked back up into desperate gasps as he sputtered.

"I've got you, love. I won't leave you alone." Curt's breathing only got worse then.

"No. *No no no no NO NO NO NONONONONO-"* Curt's voice started as a whisper of disbelief, but quickly picked up speed and volume as he startled back, nearly falling off the bed in a tangle of sheets and blankets. Owen barely restrained the alarm that surged through his system then, catching hold of Curts wrist to help pull him from the edge. Curt only stared down at his hand, shaking his head wildly. "You can't be here, you. *You can't!"* His voice cracked with raw desperation then, and Owen could see the sparkles of tears welling in his eyes. *And god did it tear his heart to shreds.*

"We're safe, Curt." Curt shook his head even more violently, and Owen felt something warm and wet splashing against him then. Not that he needed to question what it was.

"No, no we're not, not when they-" Curf cut himself off by covering his mouth with his own hand. Desperately looking around the room then. *"You need to get out of here."*

"Curt, we're safe. I promise you we are." Owen tried to give him a reassuring squeeze, but it only made Curt jump at the sensation. Owen let go then, and Curt instantly got out of bed, throwing the covers off him like they were burning and rushing to Owen's side.

"I don't, I don't know how they got you but we need to get you out before they come back. *Please. You need to run before they come back, promise me you won't let them ever find you again."*

Oh. *Oh.* Owen knew what Curt's nightmare had been now, and he clenched his jaw, hard. Biting back the growl of anger he wanted to roar out then. It could be saved for later, when it'd be more effective, but now all it would do is make the situation worse, and that was the *last* thing either of them needed.

"Curt you're not with Chimera anymore, remember? We're safe and far away from them. They can't find us here, love. We're safe." Owen tried to keep his voice calm, tried to keep his smile light, tried to give Curt as much stability as he possibly could. All he got in response was more aggressive head shaking.

*"No, no they wouldn't just let me go."* Owen could feel his heart shatter, but didn't dare let it show. He needed to stay calm. *Curt needed him to stay calm.* "They'll come for me, you need to get away. You can stay safe! You can-"

Owen grabbed Curt's arm then, like they always did. Curt's breath caught in his throat.

"I'm never leaving your side. Curt I promise you, you're safe here. We've been living together here for a few months now, remember?" Owen pleaded, Curt just stared at him in silence, stuttering breaths and his arm still in Owen's grip being the only indication he was even there.

"Take some deep breaths for me love, alright? Just copy me. Deep breath in the nose," Owen demonstrated, overexagerating the sound to help. Curt followed, not nearly getting deep enough, *but it was a start.* they held like that for a few seconds. "Exhale through your mouth," Owen exaggerated the sound again, and Curt followed his lead. "In." Owen took a deep breath in, and heard Curt attempt to repeat, holding for a few seconds. "Out."

They repeated this process a few more times, Curt getting better with each breath until he was able to match Owen's pace.

It was only then, when they had reached some form of calm, did a third voice make itself known in a confused chirp. Curt startled before looking over to its source, a previously curled up ball at the foot of the bed now making it's way over to them. Penelope chirped again with concern, rubbing herself up against Curt's side.

"See? You're safe Curt." Owen smiled as Penelope flopped against Curt's side. Purring loudly almost immidiately. "We've got you." Curt stayed silent, patting the cat on the head before turning his attention back to Owen. The only response the British man would get being a slow nod. And it was all he needed.

They'd be okay, *eventually.*

#spies are forever #saf #owen carvour #curtwen #agent curt mega #tin can bros #ryo rambles #curt falls au

29 notes · View notes