#i just had someone add me on discord
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...............WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED
#sunflower rambles#man wtf#i just had someone add me on discord#i accepted it cus i have commissions open; i was gonna greet them with my usual ''hi!!'' but#apparently. this was an old friend from 2021 that we ended up distancing from eachother#cus we were both. yk. shitty teenagers at the time#and he just added me just. to. to apologise to me#i think that was the sweetest thing ever but OMG I WAS TREMBLING LIKE#?????? OKAY THAT JUST HAPPENED#i thought he wouldn't even remember me
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i never know how to approach situations where i realize i need to set a boundary as a result of something someone did when it’s one of those deals where the person is someone i like and they havent done anything WRONG and its in no way personal i just realized something about myself because of something they did that i probably need to set a boundary about. i worry about making them feel like theyve done something wrong or upsetting them or otherwise them taking it personally when its really just me being weird about something and trying to take care of myself and preserve whatever relationship we have (even if its something as simple as being mutuals)
#🌀.txt#last time this happened it was something someone did in a discord server and they werent the only person who had done it#so it wasnt a personal issue at all but that occurrence WAS what made me realize i probably needed to set a boundary#so i updated my blacklist to add it since it wasn’t a personal issue and they weren’t the only person who had done it—#—& was instead just the most RECENT person to have done it#and then they dm’ed me about it like ��was that about me’ and i was like. i mean i guess but also no?#im scared of setting boundaries in general though for a lot of reasons
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About a trending Discord warning:
TL;DR: Discord is NOT making "Find your friends" enabled by default. You're probably not giving Discord your contact information without your knowledge. Their UI choices just suck.
There's a warning post going around by a person I'm not going to name, as I don't want people to dogpile on them. That is NOT the goal of this post, and if you DO harass anyone because of what I write, then you're a garbage person with garbage habits that needs to throw those habits in the garbage.
Rather, my goal with this post is to educate about a Discord feature that's not being represented properly.
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Supposedly in the new mobile update, Discord added this ""NEW"" feature called "Find your friends", and then they enabled it by default. This feature allows users to use their smartphone contacts to search for their friends on Discord. It also enables others to be able to find you in the exact same way.
Obviously, this would be MASSIVELY dangerous from a privacy perspective.
Imagine if someone had relatives that use Discord. In a scenario like that, those relatives would have an easy way of finding the accounts of family members. And in some home situations, online anonymity from relatives could mean the difference between having an outlet and not having an outlet.
I'm also pretty sure I know some folks with alt accounts (you know who you are). And if Discord was somehow able to cross-reference all your contacts with the Discord accounts you're logged into, that would be DISASTROUSLY EMBARRASSING, to say the least.
So I totally understand how concerning this would be if it turned out to be true.
The thing is, it's not.
The person who made that warning misinterpreted THIS page:
This is the new "Add Friends" page for the Discord mobile app. Obviously, a page to help you add friends. There's a big 'ol window at the bottom showcasing Discord's "Find your friends" feature.
Now, this feature is actually NOT new. It's been around for a long time. But there's a very subtle change that happened with the new update. Take a look at how "Find your friends" used to look:
It starts by giving you a banner at the top of your friends list, telling you that this feature is available. Then when you click on it, it takes you to a page with UI elements that look awfully familiar.
It's pretty clear what happened. In an effort to condense down their friend-finding functions into one menu, Discord took the "Find your friends" setup menu and tossed it in with all the other ways to contact friends.
But by doing this, Discord has made this setup window confusing. It's not immediately obvious if the "Find your friends" feature is ON and running, or OFF and waiting to be activated.
Maybe it would have helped to make the blurple button read something like "Sync contacts" instead of "Find friends". At least then, you could tell at a glance that nothing has been sync'd yet. (Or y'know, maybe just stick to "Grant Permission". That was working just fine before.)
So it seems the OP:
Looked at the "Find your friends" setup menu that Discord hastily slapped into the "Add friends" page
Noticed the checkbox that read "Allow contacts to add me"
Saw that it was already marked
Then assumed that it must be some kind of tucked-away setting that was left ON by default.
To make this abundantly clear, "Find your friends" only works if you opt-in.
That checkmark allows you to tell Discord you are okay with people finding you in this manner. Unchecking it makes it possible to use "Find your friends" without others being able to find you the same way.
It doesn't get set up on your device until you press the big blurple "Find friends" button. Even then, you still have to add your phone number to your account and verify it via a 6-digit code sent via SMS.
After that, you have to give Discord permission to access your contacts via whatever phone OS you use.
You have to be pretty deliberate for any of these functions to start.
I won't say it's impossible to set it up on accident. It's a strange world, and stranger things have happened. If you want to, go check your app permissions to make sure you don't have contact permissions enabled for Discord. It's always good to be sure. But rest easy knowing that you probably don't have to worry about it.
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In my opinion, I think that anyone who reblogged that warning should consider reversing those reblogs.
Honestly, I also think the OP should just delete their post instead of repeatedly adding amended reblogs to it. At the end of the day, the core of that post was misinformation and misguided assumptions. There's no real reason to keep it up.
Besides, I'd rather pin Discord on things they're ACTUALLY guilty of. Like designing a new UI that's widely mocked. And making things 10x more confusing for the end-user.
Here's Discord's official "Find your friends" FAQ page:
https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/360061878534-Find-Your-Friends-FAQ
I hate to beg, but I'd appreciate if people would reblog this post. I fear that the warning post is gonna steer a LOT of people to believe a lot of things about Discord that are logically and functionally not true.
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Entry 12: The One Where We Start Laying the Yellow Brick Road to Italy
I realized the other day that, even though I like to bounce around from place to place in the Lukola timeline, I probably needed to start tightening things up on the ship if I ever wanted to get to the end of the story. And, yes, dammit, this story better have a finale at some point because there’s nothing more annoying than an open-ended ending, particularly in the romance genre.
Today we’re going to take a quick jaunt over to Italy because –
NO! Not because Luke is allegedly filming there. If you’re into real-time stalking, you’re in the wrong blog. But, I’m sure there’s a Discord for that.
It’s because I’ve had several people ask for my opinion about the change in behavior between Luke and Nicola during their Day 1 interviews there. Wait – people are interested in my thoughts? Wow, that’s actually kind of nice. Thank you! Okay, back to what I was saying –
Was there a change in behavior when Luke and Nicola reached Italy? Yeah, actually, there kind of was.
By May 9, we had been gifted with a slew of material from Luke, Nicola, and the Bridgerton cast and, I must admit, those early interviews are some of the most entertaining of the tour. In the very beginning, Nicola appeared as the utmost professional – charming, intelligent, and witty at the right moments – and Luke played her likeable counterpart to “Book Colin” perfection – bouncing between being awkwardly boyish and wickedly roguish, all while looking at Nicola like she had just served him homemade peanut butter crumble.
The two of them together, playing off each other, in my opinion, was better than Bridgerton Season 3 (you cannot beat the World Tour being 99% Luke and Nicola, with only a few random side characters taking up screentime). There was some major “Electric Love” radiating from those two throughout the tour, but it seemed very much heightened in the beginning (probably because they hadn’t yet answered the same question 67 times). By the way, if you haven’t heard that song by Børns, go have a listen. It will, at the very least – hopefully – put you in an upbeat mood for the day.
Now, where was I? Oh, yes – was there a change in behavior between Luke and Nicola when they reached Italy?
Absolutely.
Do I know why?
Absolutely not.
Perhaps Luke was bent because someone spilled his coffee, or Nicola was upset because her stylist made her to wear that little silver bow in her hair. In my opinion, the most intriguing part of Day 1 of the Italy press junket was that Luke and Nicola struggled with answering the question, “What is love?” I swear they both babbled on like two kids in debate class who hadn’t bothered to read the material given to them before taking their respective podiums. They finally seemed to settle on Luke’s “Maybe it’s, like, connection.” Well, they seemed to be missing the “connection” that day.
Honestly, no one can explain their “don’t stand so close to me” vibe during those first day interviews except Luke and Nicola. But, we can at least have some fun and speculate about it with a bird’s eye view. At this point, you should know that I love spreading the puzzle pieces out and seeing how they might all connect. Most people – when putting a puzzle together – start with the side pieces, right? You’ll get my joke in a moment (I hope).
In March 2024 – I don’t know the specific date because my timeline is rather murky going back that far (I was unaware Lukola even existed!) – Luke traveled to Los Angeles for a photo spread with InStyle magazine. I’ve heard two versions of this story. The first being that Luke traveled to Los Angeles with Antonia alone; the second being that he traveled to Los Angeles with his friend group, which included Antonia. I couldn’t tell you which is true, and it really doesn’t matter because it doesn’t necessarily add or take away from today’s story.
Before I get started, I wanted to give a “hurrah” to The-One-Whose-Group-Chat-Fills-in-Lots-of-Missing-Bits-for-Me-Including-the-Part-Where-Video-Footage-of-Antonia-in-Los-Angeles-Seemed-to-Indicate-a-Celebrity-Was-Not-the-Videographer-and-There-Were-So-Many-British-Accents-in-the-Background-One-Would-Fancy-a-Guess-She-was-Traveling-with-a-Group.
Moving along…
On April 7, 2024, Antonia posted a series of photographs and clips to her Instagram grid indicating she had been in Los Angeles, including one where she was laying on a blanket in front of the Griffith Observatory and one where she was sitting at a table marked with the number “95.” On April 14, she posted a second set of photographs, tagging her location as Beverly Hills, California and using “End of Beginning” as her audio (yes, I side-eyed this choice of music so don’t feel bad if you did as well). The second photo dump included her lounging on a rooftop.
I’m not going to delve into posts made by Luke and Nicola during that timeframe. I mean, I’m sure Nicola’s comment, “’Friends’…sure Jan,” on Luke’s April 11 reshared post about Bridgerton Season 3 was only meant to be applicable to Polin. And, if Luke wanted to use yellow and black hearts to represent the colors Nicola and he were wearing in his April 12 post, that’s cool, too. And, I am definitely not going to speculate on Nicola’s April 15 post (for Big Mood) that Luke liked, and she captioned, “I will bite off anything that dangles.”
By April 21, Luke and Nicola were in Australia at the World Premiere of Bridgerton. I am only going to provide a quick overview of Australia instead of a full-fledged recital because, at some point, I will almost certainly dedicate an entry to this country. Let’s start with Luke pulling off the hottest walk-up in Netflix human history (I mean, have you watched it in slow motion?). Then, we had the hard launch of the handholding business (because why again?). And, we had Luke tripping over his words, “We’re very, like, giving…I’m not talking about those scenes…” Oh, and Nicola telling an interviewer that, “[y]ou can’t keep a good girl down,” and, in response, Luke’s lips curling into a wicked-ass Cheshire cat's. We had them in the garden, with Nicola bending down to hug Luke after she had scratched/hit/petted his head. Perhaps I should not mention the possibility of a man’s shirt being visible on a bed behind Nicola (I said possibility not that it was). And, Nicola telling Luke, “You’re the funnier one,” when he was concerned that perhaps Benedict was funnier than Colin. Then we had the “Nicola-in-the-green-dress” day where, as they were going down the steps, Luke seemed to instinctively reach for Nicola’s hand, but she played it cool and took his arm instead. Oh, and that entire “green dress” day in general (I mean, there was so much shit going on that day). And, best we do not forget Nicola saying, “the best foundation for love is friendship,” which mirrored the bracelet “someone…in Australia” gave Luke that read, “Do you believe the best foundation for love is friendship?” Because that’s not suspicious at all. Alright, let’s get the fuck out of Australia – but not before I mention Nicola commenting on Luke’s April 27 Instagram post with “Ready for the next?” and Luke replying, “Absolutely.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, their shenanigans in Australia expanded the USS Lukola tenfold.
Oh, also, let me throw this in here because, if you are a “ring truther,” this fact plays a significant role in the Lukola timeline. If you do not know what a “ring truther” is, that’s perfectly fine. You can catch up by reading Entry 6 (The One Where I Explained the Claddagh Ring to My Dad) of my blog. I mentioned in Entry 6 that some Lukola sleuths have stated the metadata they pulled from the sketches of the Claddagh ring uploaded by Chupi indicate they were done as early as April 26. In other words, it means the Claddagh was likely commissioned between Australia and Italy. In fact, if we are to believe Chupi when it said it took four weeks to make the ring, then it had to have been commissioned by May 9, 2024, at the latest. Oh, lookie there, that’s Day 1 of the Italy interviews.
But, before we get to May 9, let’s pause on April 29. That was the day Luke’s InStyle spread was published – yes, the one I mentioned earlier. Luke has pictures from this photoshoot still on his Instagram grid – in fact, Nicola commented, “Yess dude!!” on them – but those aren’t the pictures I want to talk about. No, I want to talk about the pictures InStyle posted on its Instagram grid that day. These photographs came directly from Luke, which was confirmed by the InStyle article when it said, “…the actor delighted the InStyle team by delivering the polaroid photos he’d taken for this story tucked oh-so-carefully in a little brown bag for safekeeping.” The pictures Luke provided, among others, included one where he was laying on a blanket in front of the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles; one where he was sitting at a table marked with the number “95;” and one where he is sitting in a lounge chair on a rooftop. If you want to see the pictures, InStyle still has them available – you just need to go through hundreds of posts to find them. Luke did not like this InStyle post, which was kind of odd because he was tagged in it, and they were reportedly his pictures.
Why did these InStyle polaroids seem so familiar?
Oh, that’s right, because they were.
Remember that April 7 post of Antonia’s I mentioned a bit ago? Yeah, the one where Antonia posted a bunch of random pictures from Los Angeles and – only after InStyle posted Luke’s polaroids – fans realized Antonia had preemptively posted her version of some of Luke’s polaroids.
I am not going to speculate too much about these pictures or their implications in this blog post, but these pictures may resurface in future posts because I find myself side-eyeing the fact they even exist. And, we should probably accept that Luke was aware of them before his pictures came out on April 29 because he threw a like on Antonia’s April 7 post. Could it have been a “blind” like? Sure, I guess, but the logical side of my brain says he probably looked through them at the time she posted. Let’s not worry too much about it right now, though.
After trying to write out my “general” opinion about the pictures several times, I finally decided that the best way I could articulate my thoughts was through the conversation I had with my father. Yes, Dear Dad returns again for another insightful Q&A.
I started by showing Luke and Antonia’s three “matchy” pictures to my dad and then asked him to compare them. To be clear, the pictures were their respective Griffith Observatory, Table 95, and Rooftop Lounging pictures.
Me: “So what do you think?”
Dad: “About what?”
Me: “Ugh! Why did Antonia take those pictures?”
Dad: “Well, to show she’s part of the ‘in’ crowd. The only reason I can see them being taken is if she was going to put them on the Internet.”
Me: “Uhh, as a matter of fact, she did put them on the Internet! Approximately three weeks before Luke’s were published.”
Dad: “See! I’m not as dumb as you think.”
Me: “Whatever. So, you really believe that? She took them to show people that she was, like, there?”
Dad: “Yeah. Why else would she take them? They’re not the kind of photos you’d take normally. What’s she going to do, put them in an album and show her friends in five years and say, ‘Look, I sat in Luke’s chair?’ Who does that? Nobody. Plus, Luke’s pictures look like they were taken with a polaroid camera and Antonia took hers with, I guess, a phone. Why use two different cameras? Again, it doesn’t make sense. Seems to me like she knew what pictures he was taking, and she was trying to copy them so she could put them on the Internet.”
Thanks, Dad.
You do not have to accept my father’s thoughts on the photographs. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I think we can meet in the middle and opine that, at a minimum, Antonia’s pictures caused the weak Lukolas to jump overboard; at most, they gave some people stalker vibes; and somewhere in between, they introduced Antonia's negative influence over the fandom and what some may consider trolling behavior (even if it wasn’t recognized then).
Now, before we land in Italy on May 9, let’s summarize what has happened during the preceding two months.
First, we had Luke traveling to Los Angeles in March with Antonia, either alone or as part of a friend group. Luke had pictures of himself taken while there.
Second, we had Antonia posting pictures in early April that would be linked directly to Luke’s pictures by the end of the month.
Third, throughout the month of April, we had Luke and Nicola traveling together for the World Tour. We have all seen these interviews, and we have all formed independent opinions about them.
Fourth, based on Chupi’s own words, we know the Claddagh ring must have been commissioned no later than May 9.
Okay, now we’ve reached May 9, Day 1 of the Italy press junket.
Besides the press interviews, what happened on that day?
Well, Antonia reposted Luke singing Coldplay’s “Yellow” to her TikTok account.
Uhh… Huh. Interesting.
I mean, it’s possible that this was just a coincidence and she just liked Luke’s version of it. Or, it’s possible Antonia knew that “Yellow” was the Polin wedding song and she anticipated trolling Nicola and/or the fandom with it. But, if we believe she knew “Yellow” was the Polin wedding song, that means either Luke told her, or someone with that knowledge told her (i.e., someone from Luke’s team or family/friend group). We also know that Luke mentioned this song in the May 16, 2022 Netflix Tudum article when Nicola and he were asked about their song choices for Season 3. Luke stated his frontrunner was “Yellow” by Coldplay “because of Penelope’s dresses.” Regardless of why Antonia posted the song, I find it hard to imagine Netflix, Bridgerton, Shondaland, Nicola, or Luke were too impressed by Antonia resharing it on TikTok. I mean, at this point, Netflix & Co. would surely have been aware that Antonia’s “copycat post” went over with the fandom like a wet blanket in December in Canada. I imagine some questions were being asked and Luke may very well have received a hand slap from Corporate – and maybe even from Nicola.
But, that’s not the only thing that happened on May 9.
Luke posted his Homme magazine spread to his Instagram grid on that day, too. He captioned the post, “Chatting through all things S3 with @hommeplusmag [o]ut next week x.” Nicola commented, “Yessss,” and Luke tagged his post with the location of Hackney, London. That last part – about Luke tagging the location in Hackney – apparently sent the fandom into a deep-dive of…Nicola’s backyard. Why? Because Nicola lives in Hackney (Nicola herself confirmed she lived in Hackney in a March 18, 2024 interview with Derry Now), and rumors started to circulate that Luke’s pictures were taken at her home.
Hmm, I didn’t realize May 9 was such a busy day, did you?
So, which came first – the chicken or the egg? Did Antonia repost “Yellow” to her TikTok before Luke posted his Homme in Hackney images to Instagram, or vice versa? I’m sure someone out there has this information. The answer might help shine some light as to why Luke and Nicola seemed “off” in the early part of their Day 1 Italy interviews. But, then again, does the order really matter? Regardless of who posted first, it would seem to me that “Yellow” was a very possible culprit for the different energy on set that day.
That, or Luke really was peeved over someone spilling his coffee.
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A Crown Of Ink : Chapter 6 - Seven Of Cups
summary : your detention doesn't happen like you'd have thought it would, and power goes out at the dormitories, leading you to odd exchanges with viktor
content warnings : fighting at the beginning of the chap but nothing much, other than that none (if you find anything to add here do tell).
word count : 7,6k
author's note : these bitches can't stop bantering okay, and i can't make them stop so yea
proofread by the lovely @yaffles-world
masterlist : here ..discord : here ..playlist : here
taglist : @doctorho @6selkie @yunloyal
You landed a blow to the throat of the girl facing you, who backed away as she regained some air and you were able to regain your composure as the screams grew louder all around you. All the way down your oesophagus, from your stomach to the back of your throat, the acid of your empty stomach burned all sanity.
Hunger could have made you do anything, the fire within making you nauseous as you tried not to wobble on your legs. You could have eaten the sandy soil on the floor of the pit if someone had told you that it would nourish you a little, or ease your ravenous hunger.
Your opponent was older than you, taller, heavier, and less gnawed by famine. The stands were screaming at you, one to get back on her feet, the other to strike until her skull burst. You could feel the rain of their spit on your skin as your opponent came back at you.
You tried to avoid her punches, retreating into the arena, trying to gain time by tiring her out. But she slapped you so hard that you fell to the ground. You tried to crawl back away from her as the crowd swelled in roars. You turned your head towards her for one last breath before she struck you a hard blow in the cheek.
The shock woke you from your dream.
You breathed in, wiping away the single tear from your cheek that had left a stain on your pillow. The gesture made you hiss, bringing your hand up to your swollen cheek, still aching. Ah, that's right, your little attempt at justice in the corridors yesterday came back to mind.
You huffed and puffed, turning over on your back in bed and letting your gaze drift to the ceiling, trying not to shake as you breathed softly.
Another nightmare, these days were not going to be easy.
You placed your hand on your belly, trying to control your breathing in the hopes of calming yourself slowly.
Why can't the past just die ?
Because I'm not dead yet, you think. Only in death, maybe, could you say goodbye to all of this.
You shook your head, you had too much to fight for, enough to defeat death, enough to push her back to your doorstep and chase her from your house no matter how hard she'd knock on the door of your mind.
To heal your wounds you had to stop touching them. You knew that, you knew that your little fight in the hallway had brought it back, that your constant fight against yourself and Viktor was pushing it all back to the front of your mind.
But what were you supposed to do? Let him be ridiculed like that, martyred by a student who wasn't there by any merit and only through the influence of a patron?
Since when had Viktor's respect been something you considered? You were supposed to hate him, not develop an obsession about hating him.
"Almost sounds like you're obsessed with me."
You hated the fact that, despite your best efforts to talk yourself out of it, he wasn't wrong. You turned, groaning in your bed. How could you agree with him?
You thought back to what Selene had said to you once, ‘there are 3 reasons why people hate you: they see you as a threat, the people who hate you hate themselves, or they want to be like you.’
Did you want to be like Viktor? No, you certainly didn't, did you? The other two arguments were of course on your list, but was the last one really on it?
Yes, you probably wanted to be like him: to be first in everything, with a gift for conversation, to be almost perfect in everything he did...
You picked up your pillow, pulling it back over your head and letting the weight of it muffle your groan.
Obviously, you weren't going to get back to sleep, all those obsessive thoughts preventing any other idea from entering your mind. So you got up and went about your day.
You worked bitterly this weekend, not looking forward to your detention.
You wondered if your guardian knew, if the gossip had started to spread throughout the school and had finally infiltrated the teachers' room. What image would that give you? One of someone trying to teach a lesson to an insolent person attacking an innocent, or a bully who would never overcome the stereotype of her origins no matter how hard she worked?
You'd seen Viktor come into the café with Jayce, but they were both just passing through and had a takeaway. You couldn't help but notice two things about them. Firstly, the two of them were up to something, either about an assignment they perhaps had to do in another subject, or about a personal project that Jayce had never had to tell you about.
And secondly, Viktor couldn't stop looking at you.
His amber eyes were deeply piercing, looking right through you, searching for something, the key to an equation that would solve everything. But he couldn't find anything, at least not until you'd tell him about the missing piece yourself.
You weren't ready to give it to him. Not him, and probably not anyone else either. You always averted your gaze from his whenever you met him, but you felt it on you, lingering.
Monday came earlier than you would have liked, and when the day was over, you dragged your feet towards Madame Agrane's classroom. She was waiting there, arms folded, a stern expression on her face.
You gave her back a cold expression, devoid of any empathy. Your nature had disgusted her enough for you to find yourself in such a situation, thus it was for her nature that you returned her gaze so cold and steely.
You took your place in the room, taking out some of the homework you were planning to do, particularly the presentation you were supposed to do with -
"Am I late ?"
Your head went from your notes to the door in a flash, as Viktor himself was standing in the doorway.
"Late for what ?" asked Agrane, confused.
Viktor stepped through the doorway, walking in your direction. "Detention."
Your eyes widened, your lips parting in surprise. What was he doing?
"You don't have det-" Agrane laughed nervously before Viktor interrupted.
"Yes, I do." He turned to her as he sat down just to your right, sending her a distinct look, one you'd given him during your work session for the Heimerdinger subjectc: silence.
She fell quiet, breathing out a little annoyed gasp before settling her half moon glasses back on her nose and jotting something down on one of her papers.
Viktor started to take out his things, and you shouted at him in a whisper:
"What are you doing?"
He placed his notebook on the table and turned to you. "Currently ? I'm with you in detention."
"I know what-" you breathed at his irony, looking him in the eye this time, "what are you doing here ?"
"I'm doing detention-"
"Viktor," the word stopped him in his tracks, "you know that's not what I'm asking."
He stood speechless for a moment, and you realised that it was the first time you'd ever called him by his name to his face. You hadn't even called him by his name until now, no doubt because the word was bitter on your tongue, and he seemed just as surprised as you that, against all odds, his name from your lips wasn't full of spite.
He blinked repeatedly, turning to his page and pretending to search for his notes as he cleared his throat. "I thought it was unfair that you were the only one getting detention when you tried helping me for my own harshness."
You couldn't believe your eyes, your eyebrows jumping to your hairline in surprise. Viktor, of all people you would have preferred to have by your side at this very moment, had come to keep you company, and of his own free will.
It was almost sadistic, the torture he was inflicting on you. He was perfectly aware by now of your worries, or at least of the worries his presence was causing you. So why was he here?
The thought occurred to you that, eventually, Viktor might have respected you.
No... that was probably absurd. He was only here out of pity, or perhaps as a sign of student solidarity to get a message across. You could already hear the gossip: ‘Didn't you see? Viktor voluntarily went to detention as a sign of solidarity with the bully who broke the nose of the pupil who tripped him. How gallant!’
Would you have come if the roles had been reversed? If he had done you justice, taking the detention hour instead of you? Would you have shown honour despite what was at stake for you? You wouldn't have received any nice rumours about yourself, people would probably have said ‘she doesn't even want to be second to get detention, she always has to chase after him to try and shine in his shadow!’
You stopped looking at him, pretending to read your notes and rearrange them.
"You didn't need to do that." you tell him, your voice on the level of a whisper.
"And you didn't need to help me." he replies, turning a page.
"It was unfair, he deserved a good punch."
He turned to you, resting his chin on his palm, "So you getting detention for helping me is not unfair ?"
He had a point. It was a compelling and convincing argument, and for that very reason, you chose to ignore it. You didn't even exchange a glance with him, feeling the arrogance of the ‘I'm right and you know it’ weighing in his eyes.
"Don't you have anything better to do than being here ? Deaf kids to read to ? Students to beat with your cane ?"
"True that with my patron's help I could get through all of these fun times."
Madame Agrane gave you a reprimanding shush, telling you that your low masses would have to be kept to a minimum during this hour of detention.
You sighed, lowering your head to return to your notes, tapping the eraser of your pencil on your paper. You caught yourself glancing at Viktor a few times, despite your will, but inevitably returned to your paper as you tried to write down what you knew for the presentation.
Then, Viktor placed a sheet of paper near your side of the table. You watched him for a moment, the latter wearing his usual nonchalance as he read a passage from a textbook, his fingers following the lines.
You lowered your eyes to the page, which would have been almost blank if Viktor hadn't written at the top of the page in his own graceful handwriting:
"A simple thank you you could've done it."
You scoffed, seriously? Was he still going to be petty about it? He had got himself into this situation after all. So you wrote in reply:
"Me ? Thanking you ? That's a largeness of spirit I don't have."
You passed him the sheet of paper again with your written answer, and, as he read it, as if imitating you, he laughed back. You didn't think it was funny at all.
So he wrote on the sheet in turn, and you found yourself waiting for his reply, waiting almost impatiently for him to finish whatever he was writing. You wondered if he was taking his time on purpose, savouring the act of writing to you and keeping you waiting, keeping you itching for the outcome between his long, slender fingers.
He handed you the paper again, you pretending to be indifferent to it as you feigned interest in your notes before taking it.
"Are you still thinking about me? Is that why you're so unfocused?"
You stopped yourself from humming because you didn't want to grumble at his insolence. What a little... well, in a certain case and from a certain angle, he wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean you were going to prove him right any time soon.
So you almost aggressively took up your pen to answer him in three simple words:
"In your dreams."
If only your dreams could be so tranquil... although you feared that one day Viktor would end up in your dreams. He haunted you enough on a daily basis, and if he came to chase you even in your dreams, that would probably mark the end of you.
He received the note, read it, smiled to himself and began to write back. You didn't know what you would prefer at the time, to at least refocus a little on your homework, or to continue this little round of exchanging notes that was taking you both back to high school.
You didn't even have time to get his next note while he was writing it because, almost with a bang, the door flew open. Before the astonished eyes of Viktor, Madame Agrane and yourself, a deeply angry Selene entered the room. She swept her eyes around the room, eyebrows furrowed over the dark, mystical shadow covering her eyelids, then came to rest on Agrane.
"What's all this about?" she asked, her tone stern.
Agrane seemed to want to make herself very small in her chair. No doubt she knew Selene and the links she had with the councillors. Which, in this case, placed her in a position to receive unwanted news should she have indulged in things Selene disagreed about.
"A simple detention for two students at fault, madam." she replied in a tiny voice.
"At fault?!" her dark shawl hemmed around her like a night wave as she crossed her arms, "and what fault have they committed?"
Agrane was about to answer, parting her lips, but Selene cut her off with a wave of her hand.
"I don't want to ask you," she turned to Viktor and you, still surprised, "I want to listen to them."
So she walked towards you.
"Them?" almost choked Agrane.
"Do you have hearing problems as well as judgement, madam?" she said, deeply exasperated as she turned to you and mumbled, "Who still gives detention in an academy."
You straightened up, giving Viktor a look as he recognised the astronomy teacher, but didn't seem to particularly understand why she herself had come to visit you, and especially in such an emotional state.
"Madame Agrane, I'm sure that-"
"If you think this dear lady is a liar, I want to see for myself." She was turned towards you, her eyes rimmed with a bluish night-shade, not letting you go. "I know when she's lying."
You huffed, exchanging a look with her. There was no need to make a scene of it, you thought, who knows what image it would give you? To be chaperoned when you'd beaten your academic success brick by brick?
"What happened." Selene asked, in a calm tone.
There was no need to lie to her, or to lighten the conversation with understatements. Selene, in this kind of situation, wanted to get straight to the point.
“We were coming back from the library,” you began, ”a student tripped my classmate-”
“What's your name, young man?” she questioned, turning to your nemesis.
“Viktor,” he cleared his throat, still surprised by the situation, ”Viktor Moravec.”
“Viktor huh?” she turned, raising her eyebrows at you and pointing him with one of her long fingernails before resting her eyes on him, ”you're the Viktor?”
Shit.
Viktor had, on every evening you spent in Selene's company - rare though they were - been an inescapable point of conversation. You couldn't help grumbling about him. Sélène being the only person around you who didn't know him from your hours of gossip wouldn't therefore be able to tell you ‘I don't see why you don't like Viktor.’ like all the others would.
And now she was meeting him.
Viktor nodded, and Selene smiled.
“I've heard quite a lot about you actu-”
“I knocked down the student who tripped him,” you resumed, hoping Selene wouldn't scatter her words and reveal more than was necessary. “He punched me, and I broke his nose.”
Selene's smile had vanished from her face. Her eyes then drifted to your cheek.
You'd managed to find a concealer in the back of your drawers. Selene had given it to you a few years ago for an event you'd accompanied her to. It was covering enough to hide much of the hematoma on your cheek, but its dark color managed to stand out slightly through the cosmetic.
“And why are you in detention, and not the other student?”
Agrane rose from her chair, embarrassed surely. “Madame Sélène, this is all a misunderstanding. These two students are from Zaun-”
“And so?” questioned Sélène towards her, ”do they deserve less to be here?”
Agrane pouted, lowering her gaze.
“Look me in the eye and dare to tell me for even a moment that students from Zaun have less merit to study here when they're the ones who fight the hardest to even graze the walls of the academy.”
Agrane's eyes were fixed on the floor, at a loss for words.
Selene turned back to you. “You're no longer in detention, go home.”
You just stayed there for a moment, biting the inside of your cheek that had been hit. The pain pierced you, but you didn't let it show. You weren't particularly fond of the idea of having found yourself in this situation, and you didn't like the fact that you'd hidden your injury and your situation from Selene either.
She didn't seem too happy about it either, but no doubt for reasons quite different from your own.
You gathered up your belongings, placing them in your satchel almost mechanically, Viktor seeming to do the same, although still startled.
You stood up, following Sélène out of the room. Once in the corridor, however, when Viktor wasn't far behind you, she pressed on.
“In my office, young lady. Immediately.”
You sighed, not much good would come of this conversation.
You didn't turn around, Viktor's gaze weighing on you and the weight of his future requests for explanations following you like your shadow.
You followed Selene, her heels clicking on the glossy floors of the academy. Hadn't you had enough trouble with teachers for one month? Heimerdinger, then Agrane, then her, the list seemed to go on without your good will.
She opened her office door, letting you in before slamming it shut.
“So,” she began, ”when were you going to tell me about all this?”
“I had no time to-”
“Even right after this happened?” she stopped you. “When else would you have told me, eh? Would you have kept it to yourself and hidden it under concealer until the blue faded?”
“I would have shared it with you tomorrow.” you retorted, pinching the bridge of your nose, ”I've had enough complications this week.”
“Since when has that stopped you from coming to see me and staying the night?” she resumed. “Do you think I'm not worried about you?”
You weren't angry with her; she only wanted what was best for you. You couldn't imagine her reaction when the teacher gossip started in the staff room. She was your guardian, and you getting beaten up in the corridors didn't reflect very well on what she should have done for you. Without her, you wouldn't be here.
And you were ashamed of your behavior. You had tried in vain to bring justice to the corridors, to reframe an impertinent man who wanted to play the tough guy by attacking someone weaker than him. You'd left behind a life of violence, and you didn't want to return to it. Yes, you were ashamed that Selene, who had educated and helped you, had to learn that the girl she had taken under her wing had come to blows.
You wanted to make her proud, and you felt you were failing.
You huffed and puffed, suddenly finding the floor an interesting piece of scenery.
Sélène's office was cosy. The velvet armchairs caught the warmth of the sun streaming into the room through the bay window taking up the entire wall opposite the entrance. A desk with dark, smoothed wood, a freshly cleaned chalkboard with new chalk, and a shelf where she kept her various teas played their part in the furniture of the office.
“I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner,” you admitted, ”I just- haven't had good days lately.”
She crossed her arms, looking at you, softened. “More nightmares?”
You regained her eyes for a moment before turning your back on her and moving to one of the velvet armchairs, “Guess which lucky person has been chosen by Heimerdinger himself to be my presentation partner.”
Her shoulders slumped, her arms falling along her body as she walked over to you, sitting down in the armchair opposite.
“Why did you do this?” she questioned, ”Why did you go out of your way to protect Viktor, of all?”
You bite the inside of your lip, slumped in the armchair, eyes resting on the glass table where empty teapot and teacups reside.
“This guy, the student, he was... he'd called Zaunites rats.”
Sélène straightened up, listening to you, urging you to elaborate.
“He insulted Viktor,” you explained without meeting her eyes, “and when he had the guts to answer him, he made him trip over. I just... took Viktor's cane to push behind his knee and make him have a taste of his own medicine. As you can tell,” you pointed your cheek, ”he didn't like that very much. So, he gave me a punch. It was pretty hard, not that I've seen better but... I couldn't help myself. Call it muscle memory or whatever but I hit him on the nose and-”
You replayed the scene in your head, the muffled sound of Viktor's voice as he fell to the ground, the evil twang in the jerk's voice, and the looks on the lot. You sighed as your eyes landed on Selene's.
“I don't like Viktor. Of that, you are aware. But he's one of ours, and sticking with our people is too important for me not to throw decorum out of the window because a guy with a golden ass tried to put him back under the sole of his shoe.”
You almost became carried away, letting the energy of frustration take over for a moment before calming down again.
“Turns out golden ass has a powerful patron,” you recounted as you rolled your eyes and hemmed your bottom lip under the ridiculousness of this situation. “It scared Agrane enough for her to put me alone in detention.”
Selene frowned, “You alone?”
Your knee was beginning to twitch with anxiety.
“Viktor decided to integrate himself into the detention.”
A small smile appeared on Selene's lips, to which you replied with exasperation, raising an eyebrow.
“This boy likes you.”
You rolled your eyes and parted your lips in shock as your head fell to the side. “Please don't send me that kind of curse or I'll never finish this year in one piece.”
She laughed gently, watching you for a moment. You couldn't figure out what she was thinking, couldn't figure her out.
“Do I disappoint you?”
Her eyes softened, sighing as if nothing in the world could ever bring her to this end.
“You never disappoint me, and I don't think you ever will even if you tried your hardest.”
“Setting me on another challenge?” you joked.
“I don't think this one is the kind I want to see you excel in.” she laughed.
The conversation continued a little longer, with Sélène asking about your last few nights' sleep and, incidentally, your day's tarot card.
This morning you had drawn the seven of cups, to which mention Selene, after an interested A-ha, straightened up to recite as if facing one of her clients:
“Options, visions of dreams turning real, wild imagination. The card reflects illusions but also multiple choices. The character is in the dark while the cups are lighted. Is reality as delicious as the imaginary ? All the possibilities are on the table, only the mind limits what we can do. You are prone to illusion and unrealistic ideals. An opportunity with promises of more money, more fame, or more power may sound appealing, but as you look deeper into what is on offer, you may realise it’s not everything it’s cracked up to be. Your ego may pull you in a specific direction, but it’s important you check in with your Higher Self first.”
Your Higher Self, eh? She was on vacation, surely.
Night had already fallen by the time you left Sélène's office and returned from the academy. You felt lighter for having spoken to her; the weight of the lie would have hung too heavy in your heart anyway.
You returned to the dormitories, where Sky was cooking. You chatted for a while, asking her how her day had gone, before taking a seat at your desk and rereading your notes for the day.
Only, a good fifteen minutes later, all the lights went out.
You wondered at the time whether you'd been knocked unconscious, or whether you'd suddenly lost consciousness through exhaustion. It wasn't until Sky called your name in the darkness that you realized the power had simply gone out.
You groped around in the dark, looking for your flashlight, which you reached and turned on. You tucked it between your teeth, searching through your drawers. You'd kept some candles from Eris, Zaun candles made of a special wax that slowed down the melting time of the flame, perfect for a nation of miners.
After several minutes of diligent searching, you finally found them, holding them out to Sky as you picked up your matchbox. You gently placed the flames on them, taking one in your hands.
There was a knock at the door, probably from some students wondering if you too were experiencing a similar situation and if you had anything to keep the light on.
You opened the door, on Viktor.
“You,” you exclaimed in a tone that was equal parts repugnance and disbelief.
“Ah, how I've longed for your sweet voice,” he smiled.
“What do you want?” you inquired, tired enough as it was.
“Can't you answer ‘yes’ like all normal people?” he sighed, pointing with his chin to your candle. “Have you got any more of those?”
“Where's Jayce?”
“Contacting the electrical crew.”
“The whole building's out?”
“The whole neighborhood. Do you have any more candles, or do I have to answer a whole form of your questions to get some light?”
“Here Viktor,” Sky stepped forward, handing him her own candle.
He took it, almost surprised by the gesture.
“Thanks, Ms Young.”
“Sky?” called Orcelyia not far behind Viktor, ”You coming? Everyone's reuniting downstairs in front of the chimney for some warmth.”
“Coming!” confirmed Sky.
“Wait, Sky?” you stopped her, handing her your own candle so she wouldn't get lost on the way since all the students were moving either blindly or with a meager flashlight. “You're not coming?”
“Yes in a-” you were about to answer when Viktor himself replied for you.
“Not yet, we'll join you all soon.”
Sky offered a small smile, her eyes darting back and forth between you and him before leaving in the half-light.
“Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” you said, turning back to Viktor.
“I'm sure you'll manage to recover from the deeply traumatic event of me cutting you off while you speak. Do you have any more candles?”
“Yes,” you breathed. “But to find them I need light, and that means a candle.” You held out your hand to him. “Pass me the candle.”
He tilted his head back slightly. “What's the magic word?”
“Oh, yeah nevermind. I'll get it myself.” you say as you turn, trying to make out where to go in the gloom.
“Magic words really aren't your thing,” Viktor remarked, sighing and following you to offer you some light all the same. “Are 'please' and 'thank you' really that hard?”
You knelt down to rummage through the box where the candles were stored. “They're magic words, do you really expect me to waste them on someone like you when they're so full of worth?”
“Oh, I thought that miss Second would just-”
You were on your feet in no time, facing him, and pointing a candle at him.
“Call me that one more time, see what happens.”
He looked startled in the half-light, eyes wide for a moment before they softened. He had a kind of mystical aura, standing there in your room. The almond of flame atop the candle reflected in his amber eyes and lit him softly like those dark, silent paintings.
“You're threatening me with a candle?”
“Zaun candle, much harder when it breaks. Want a taste?”
“If it's from Zaun I doubt it tastes good.”
“Better add that line to our exposé.”
“You're the funniest girl in the whole cemetery,” confirmed Viktor.
“Haha.” you say, not knowing what to say, so you pulled the minimalist irony card.
He moved his candle closer to you, and you exchanged a silent glance with him before bringing your candle closer to let it take flame at its tip. But he drew it back at the last minute, preventing you from doing so.
“Then,” he took a step towards you, ”pick your nickname.”
The indigence and intellectual vacuity of Viktor's principles at the top of their game was back.
“I don't want a nickname.”
“What should I call you then?”
“Don't call me ?”
“I'm afraid that is going to be slightly complicated.”
“Find a solution for it then.”
You moved your candle towards his again, but he withdrew it. Again.
“What now?”
“What did you and Sélène talk about, in her office?”
“How is that any of your business?”
“Shed some light on my questions and I will offer you some.” he said, moving his candle in his fingers like a bone to a dog.
You sighed, your shoulders drooping. “I told her what happened, that's all.”
“Is it, though?” he remarked, arching an eyebrow. “You're not telling me everything.”
“And why the hell would I tell you anything?”
“Because otherwise I will tell the entire building that you stole Jayce's nail polish he uses for his toes.”
You giggled. “Pardon?” you cleared your throat though. “Are you threatening me with fictitious concepts?”
“Do you underestimate my ability to spread rumors, miss?”
You clenched your fist, glaring at him. At least he hadn't affixed the sobriquet 'Number Two' to you again. He annoyed you, constantly having an answer, always something close on his tongue to send you like a knife gift by his accent.
He squinted, his mouth forming into a small, hurried O, as if he'd just touched a nerve. “Go on, I've seen more formidable foes in a toddler's tantrum. Yet, my question still remains: what are you not telling me here?”
You inhaled, raising your chin without ever leaving his gaze.
“You're wasting time with your questions.” you indicated, your chin pointing to the flame. "No flame takes its time."
“Like you said, Zaun candles.” he continued, observing the candle like a gem. ”Harder and longer no matter the situation, like its people. You set them on fire, and you'll be the one burning. So,” his eyes returned to yours, ”I've got all the time I need.”
You looked at him, his eyes boring into yours, waiting for answers. He wouldn't let you go, would he?
“Selene is my guardian.”
His eyes crinkled for a moment. “Your guardian?”
“My legal guardian. Is that enough for you, or do I have to answer a whole form of your questions to get some light?”
He stayed here for a moment, parted lips from your use of his previous words forcing him to be quiet. You hesitated to take his hand, just to stop him from backing away once more, but you had no need to do anything.
He said nothing, simply moved his candle towards yours and, of his own accord, set the little rod alight. It didn't take long for it to settle at the end. After all, no flame takes its time.
“Viktor?” called Jayce, coming down the hall.
You exchanged a silent glance, Viktor's eyes seemingly full of questions in the face of what you'd revealed to him, but he didn't ask for anything else.
“Over here,” Viktor indicated with a raise of his voice, his eyes remaining on you for a moment before turning back and moving towards the corridor.
“Ah, there you are.” Jayce breathed. “We went a bit too strong this time, I don't think this building can...”
But whatever Jayce was about to say died on his tongue as he watched you emerge from your apartment right after Viktor.
“... Can?” you asked, waiting for the end of his sentence.
“Can, um... warm the heater enough to cook something!” He smiled, far too proud of his excuse, mediocre as it was. “Yeah we uh, we've been getting issues with our stove lately so we just tried cooking on top of our heater...”
He scratched the back of his neck nervously, a worried smile placed on his face as you let your eyes shift from him to Viktor.
“Don't look at me like that, we have to get solutions one way or another.” he said, so confidently that you could almost have fallen for this boilerplate explanation undoubtedly covering an entirely different truth.
“You're both part of the top students of all classes, and you decided to use a heater as a way to cook?” you turned to Jayce for a moment before returning to Viktor's eyes. “You'd allow him to go through such an idea huh.”
“Eh...” Viktor seemed to seriously consider the idea, looking up as if to imagine the scene.
“Did you go to NSI? The National School for Idiots?” you asked.
“Hey it's fine,” resumed Jayce, who clearly still had his sights set on making you and Viktor best friends. “How about we join the others downstairs, hm?”
You sighed, taking the front step down. “Jayce, your rose-colored glasses are indestructible.”
So you joined the tiny group of students downstairs, some of whom had even brought out blankets from their rooms to share. It was cold already, the heaters having all been turned off by the power cut, so everyone had gathered in front of the big fireplace in the hall.
Jayce was called out by other classmates, Viktor staying by your side while you remained slightly apart from the group of students.
“So,” Viktor began, “she's your guardian.”
You sighed, “Here we go again.”
“I wouldn't have imagined that Selene, serene as she is, would be your guardian.”
“If there's any fault in her upbringing, it's mine, not hers. Why do you even care so much about all of this?”
He turned to you. “Does it really seem that impossible to you that I want to learn more about you out of genuine curiosity?”
His sentence took you by surprise. Of all the things Viktor could have said, this most unsettled you. Why did he go out of his way to interact with you? To find you to tease, to pester you on a daily basis and throw in some of his jokes in the bunch while balancing it with genuine, honest questions like these?
Your lips were parted, nothing coming to the front of your mind as you tried formulating anything, but still couldn't manage as an unfortunately familiar voice interrupted you.
“So, how was the detention hour?”
Viktor and you turned, the idiot at the heart of your detention standing not far from you.
“Hey Tyler, quit it man,” one of his friends tried to reason, but to no avail.
But he pretended to be deaf to his remark. “Looks like Agrane hasn't lost her mind in the end, Zaunites like you should deserve a longer time in detention, especially behind bars.”
“Why, do we feel threatening to you, Tyler?” asked Viktor almost innocently, pressing the fool's name to his lips.
“What ?No-” replied the latter, baffled for a moment, then frowning and dilating his nostrils through his anger. “Pieces of trash like you just don't belong here, you're getting this place dirty by your sole presence.”
“Being a victim of your own mediocrity must be hard to endure every day of your existence, Tyler.” you chuckled, approaching him who remained standing not far from the fireplace.
“What,” he sneered, ”Miss Number One has become his dog now huh? His guardian to cover him any time he's in trouble?”
“Have you become our groupie?” Your lips almost stretched into a haughty smile, “Are you obsessed with us?”
His face contorted in incomprehension and shame.
“Aw, little Tyler is obsessed with us so much. You cared enough to ask how my detention was, now I'll kindly ask: are you looking for more stitches to cover your face? A black eye to match your nose ?”
He let out a laugh somewhere between mockery and nervousness.
“You wouldn't dare.”
“We're on a field outside the walls of the academy, what happens here, therefore, doesn't happen there and isn't related to it.”
He huffed like a rhinoceros, his shoulders dropping and rising rapidly as he came to clutch a poker before the bemused eyes and exclamations of surprise that rose in the students.
“You're going to pay you fucking bitch.”
But as he began to step forward, Jayce interjected between the both of you.
“Say that again, Tyler. I dare you.”
Tyler froze in place, surprise passing over his face like a suddenly opened curtain letting in the morning light.
“Talis?”
Your heart pounded into your throat as Jayce's massive back faced you, separating you from a fool who knew only hatred and cheap ideas.
“What did you just call my friend, hm? Mind repeating that?”
You met Tyler's gaze behind Jayce's shoulder, the latter exchanging a glance with you before regaining Viktor's in the distance.
“Got two dogs for yourself Viktor,” he said, raising his voice, ”don't you know animals are forbidden in this place ?”
“You should go back with your goldfish peers then,” you remarked.
“You stupid-”
“One more insult to them and you will be sure that a conversation will be held about your case to councillor Torman Hoskel.”
That seemed to be enough to turn Tyler from tomato red to white as a sheet. Jayce seemed to know more about the students than he was letting on, and use it to his advantage, much to your surprise.
The light suddenly returned, and the students all had to get used to the brightness again. Jayce didn't take his eyes off Tyler until the latter finally lowered his head.
“Well,” Jayce resumed, ”everyone, I think it's time for us to go back to our rooms.”
Tyler gave you one last angry look before leaving.
It didn't take long for everyone to pick up their comforters and scatter, Viktor joining you and Jayce in front of the fireplace.
“Having a conversation with Hoskel?” you repeated, confused.
Jayce sighed, his jaw muscle tensing for a moment as he watched you. “From what I remember of Viktor's explanation of last Friday's incidents, he'd mentioned having a powerful patron, or something like that.”
“And his patron is Hoskel?” you concluded bemusedly.
He nodded. “Yes, as well as his uncle.”
You chuckled, not believing the privileges hidden in every student at the academy.
“And how would you expect to have such a conversation?”
Viktor interjected, “By discussing it with his girlfriend.”
Your eyes widened. Your eyes went from Viktor to Jayce like two ping pong balls swinging between the two. Eventually, they settled back on Jayce.
“You have a girlfriend?”
He ran his hand over the back of his neck. “Mhm.”
You weren't really surprised, in fact it would have been surprising if the opposite had been true. Jayce was handsome, successful, caring, a walking green flag, and it would have been the injustice of the century if he hadn't found love.
“Who is she ? Do I know her ?” you asked.
“Well...” Jayce shrugged, looking at the ceiling and then the fireplace, shrugging. “Sort of ?”
“What do you mean sort of?” you quipped.
“Let's say his girlfriend might or might not be sitting at the council.” sighed Viktor.
You turned to him, and by his sigh, you could well imagine how much of Jayce's time was spent talking about her. You chuckled at the thought, at the fact that Viktor, who was martyring you, also had a pain in the ass to put up with most of the time.
“Vik, come on,” Jayce breathed.
“What? She'd have figured it out one day or another.” confirmed Viktor with a shrug.
You listed the councillors in your head, eliminating all the men with ease to find two women. Councilwoman Shoola seemed to frighten Jayce more than anything else, with her long gold claw rings and gear ruff. That left only one obvious option.
“Are you seriously dating Mel Medarda?” you asked, your jaw ready to drop.
“... Yes?”
You gasped. “You are Mel Medarda's boyfriend, daughter of Ambessa Medarda of Noxus?”
“Let's not go too far with the titles,” Jayce laughed nervously.
“When did you- How did you-” All the questions suddenly overlapped, and Jayce placed a hand on your shoulder to stop you.
“I will answer all of this in due time.” He stepped back. “For now, I'm gonna head back to our room. You comin Vik ?”
“In a minute.” he affirmed.
As Jayce rushed down the corridor to the wing of their apartment, Viktor turned to you, a flash of mischief in his eyes.
“I got a body guard for myself now, are you going to save me from papercuts when we'll be back to the library on friday?”
“Do you want me to push your teeth in?”
“You're supposed to be protecting me, not sending me to certain danger, Miss.”
“Whatever, have a night, Viktor.” you sighed as you made your way to your own dormitory.
“A night ? Are you really removing the word 'good' in here?”
“I am, have a night!”
You climbed the stairs to your floor and walked to your room, finding Sky again. She had turned the hob back on and resumed preparing the meal.
“Are you alright?” she asked, turning away from the mini kitchen, genuinely concerned.
“Why wouldn't I be?” you breathed, heading off to lie on your bed for a moment.
“This guy Tyler, he... You were so brave standing up to him.” she said, bits of adoration sparkling in her words. “Is he the same that got you in detention today?”
“The very same,” you sighed, placing your arm over your eyes as you lay back. “Fortunately for me, a teacher heard of it and let us out.”
“I see,” she said, turning back to the pan and its contents. “What did you and Viktor talk about when you were here? You took a bit of time to come down with the rest of us.”
The question was almost bitter beneath its gentle, curious tones. Acidic ideas resonated in it: the fact that you and Viktor had something going on away from everyone, even her and Jayce. Whether this jealousy was amorous or friendly, you weren't sure, but the wording made you feel a twinge of guilt.
It was absurd, though. Did she honestly think that, with the animosity that permeated you about Viktor, you'd have feelings for him and that you'd be... something more than classmates?
“He took the opportunity to pick up some notes I took for Heimerdinger's presentation,” you replied. “We split up the work so he needed to check he wasn't repeating himself with what I say in the paper. I swear if I cross the path of Heimerdinger again or that he puts me on a task with the skeleton king I'm going to shave his fur.”
Sky laughed, erasing your concerns with this gesture alone.
“If you do that I don't know how I'll be able to focus in class, his shaved version must be... so small?”
You laughed a little, ate your meal, chatted quietly until you went back to your respective beds.
You couldn't help thinking about everything that had happened that day. First of all, the fact that Viktor had voluntarily come to spend the hour, or at least the five-minute detention with you. Then the long discussion with Selene, and then the power cut...
Once again you hadn't hesitated to take the lead on him, but that was on principle, wasn't it?
When had the limit been crossed where you could put yourself in danger for him? And for his part, since when had he crossed the line where he would voluntarily, as a friend would, inquire about you?
Does it really seem that impossible to you that I want to learn more about you out of genuine curiosity?
You tossed and turned in bed. Did he mean it? Was he serious, or was this just another sarcasm to add to the long list of bickerings you sent each other on a daily basis?
Miss.
Your train of thought stopped in an instant, and any empathy you'd felt for Viktor vanished into thin air. You realized right then and there its connotation. That no matter what, you'd always be a failure, a miss.
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#madschiavelique ⟢ ݁ ˖‧˚₊ ☁︎#acoi#a crown of ink#arcane#viktor#arcane viktor#viktor arcane#viktor x reader#arcane viktor x reader#viktor arcane x reader#viktor x you#arcane x reader#viktor x y/n
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CR's BEACON and a bit about it
So of course I had to get in on this because I'm all for discounts and early access and NOT giving money to Twitch and YT if I can help it.
And yes, the site is getting SLAMMED at the moment, but I've now managed to get in, and it's working great.
Couple notes:
If you have the same email address for the CR shop and for Beacon, once your Beacon account is created, it auto-applies the discount to the shop. You will see the price crossed out and a discounted price next to the item (limitations do apply, they go over that).
I gather there is some wonkiness going on with the Discord, so I'd suggest waiting a day or so on that one.
Cooldown (the immediate after-show filming) IS WORTH ITS WEIGHT IN GOLD. Listening to them conspiracy theorizing and Matt answering a couple things (or in more cases, "You don't know!") is just great to watch.
Yes, there is subtitles/captioning, and it looks like it's done by the same folks they have doing the main eps.
Re-Slayer's Take is *NOT* the main cast -- it is run and played by other people. I gather this is in a similar vein to Midst, but them allowing other groups to "play" in Exandria. It is also all-ages-friendly.
There is an app in the Apple store and Android store -- IT IS CALLED POCKET BEACON. HOW FUNNY IS THAT?!
http://beacon.tv
UPDATE: I've seen a couple of Twitter posts about the app possibly being geolocked -- cannot confirm or deny as I live in the United States and thus cannot check (and am reluctant to dick around with my phone).
UPDATE: Someone brought up in the replies that captioning/subtitling is not yet on everything, and in a couple cases, it's a bit wonky. Again, hopefully to be straightened out sooner than later.
UPDATE: Someone else in the replies wondered about whether coming in on a live broadcast late means you can still start from the beginning or not.. IF SOMEONE CAN CONFIRM OR DENY THIS WITH TONIGHT'S BROADCAST, DROP ME AN ASK AND LEMME KNOW, PLEASE!
I'll add more to this post as I encounter things!
STILL MORE UPDATES!
you can join late and start at the beginning, it looks like they upload the whole episode rather than doing a live broadcast.
however, it DOES NOT have subtitles, though the speed and quality can be adjusted.
there is also no break material, just a quick fade in and fade out.
also no ads
AND STILL MORE UPDATES!
In a rare non-Apple access win, can confirm that Pocket Beacon does not appear to be geolocked for Android, at least here in Australia!
EVEN MORE UPDATES!
Re: captioning, 4-Sided Dive does not appear to be captioned/subtitled (yet).
THE UPDATES KEEP ON COMING!
The Android version does appear to support Chromecast
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Deity Work vs Deity Worship
What is deity worship?
Deity worship is when you venerate and revere a deity/deities. There are many ways to do this; there is no right or wrong way to worship a deity, it is whatever you feel drawn to do for them. Many people in the pagan community do this in their own unique way, while some will follow more organized, ritualistic ways of worshipping their deities.
I will go more into detail about the various ways to venerate deities below.
What is deity work?
Working with a deity is a more intensive, interactive relationship. Working with a deity often involves actively communicating with them through things such as divination (tarot, oracle, pendulums, dice, osteomancy, shufflemancy etc) and psychic abilities. It can also involve them being more active in your practice, guiding you in both mundane and magical ways. A very common way deities work with someone is by doing shadow work with them, but there are many other things people do with deities that fall under the category of ‘deity work’.
How do I work with a deity/deities?
There are a lot of ways that you can work with a deity. As mentioned above a very common way of working with them is by doing shadow work with them. They will often guide the practitioner on various prompts to focus on. Another common way that you can work with deities is doing spellwork with them, such as doing protections, cleansing, banishment, and even baneful magic with them.
Some of the things my deities work with me on is teaching me about energy work and weather magic.
As with deity worship, there are no right or wrong ways to work with a deity.
Altars
Many people will set up altars for their deities as a way to either work with or worship them (or both!). Here are some popular things you can put on your altar!
Candles
Statues
Incense holders/fountains
Altar cloth
Decanter
Spell jars
Crystals
Herb pouches
Sigils
Books
Offering dish
Cups
Divination tools
There are many other items you can put on your altars for your deities. This is just a short list, both of items I myself have put on altars before, and things I see others put on their altars.
A lot of people also use their altars as a place to connect with their deities (which can get into deity work) as well as a place to do spellwork.
I’m going to answer some common questions about altars I see here.
Can I put two/multiple deities on the same altar?
Yes, you can. Some people (like myself) even create altars for entire pantheons, rather than individual deities. In addition, these deities do not all need to be from the same pantheon either. I have had altars where Loki and Leviathan were sharing the same general space (with different items in different sections for just one of them, and some items being placed there for both of them).
Can I add/remove/use things from my altar?
Yes. You can (and should) clean your altar and you are of course allowed to use the items on your altar. Many people will store their divination tools on their altar, for instance.
What if I do not have space for an altar/can’t have a physical altar?
Digital altars are a very valid practice, I currently do not have enough space for all the altars I would want for the deities I worship/work with. I have seen people make altars in Minecraft, on Picrew, and I have altars set up on Pinterest as well. I have also used Pinterest’s collage function to make moodboards for my deities in order to honor them; these can count as digital altars as well. Some people make their own discord servers and use that space as a digital altar for their deities (I also have this set up for my deities too). On these digital altars, you can include pictures of how the deity appears to you, pictures of statues to represent them; themes surrounding what they rule over, colors, animals and plants they may be associated with, and much more. Just like a physical altar, you can get very creative with what you include.
Will my deities get mad if someone else touches the altar?
I’ve heard (and also experienced myself) times where family members or roommates will mess with someone’s altar. There seems to be a lot of fear with this; people are afraid it will anger the deity if the altar is accidentally touched. However, deities are very understanding and know that most times the person is unaware that the space is an altar; they won’t get mad if their stuff is accidentally touched, removed, or if someone else disposes of old offerings.
Now, if someone is messing with it on purpose, with malicious intent, that might be different. However, especially for those in the broom closet, the deity is still not going to be mad at the practitioner or punish you in any way.
Moving on from altars, I’m going to answer some questions I see when it comes to deity worship/work, before fully getting into the difference.
Do certain deities not get along?
Again this is something I see asked a lot online, both for deities of the same pantheon and deities of different pantheons. This comes down to personal experience. Many people think and might assume that deities who did not get along in their myths do not get along in real life either. However, at least for me, this is rarely the case. Remember, these are higher beings and the myths are just that -stories, that have been made up by humans. The myths do not reflect how they may be in real life.
There are definitely instances where deities genuinely do not get along; I have experienced this in my own practice. However, this is oftentimes not because of myth-related disagreements but rather because the deities disagree on what may be best for the practitioner. This might also occur simply because the deities' energies do not mix well, it’s less that they don’t get along and more so that their energies clash with each other. This does not mean that you should stop working with these deities together if this is the case. Sometimes opposing energies are necessary.It’s also always a good idea to ask the deities themselves how they feel about the situation and what they think you should do.
Will my deities get mad if I’m not able to give consistent offerings?
This is another question I see a lot. Deities understand that we are human, we have our mundane lives to live, and we may not always have time or money to be able to buy offerings for them. There are many ways to give offerings to your deities, and some can be free and non-physical offerings too. I’ll go through some offerings I give to my team a lot, and some offerings you can do that are more non-physical or broom closet friendly.
Doing shadow work in their honor/with them if you have a working relationship with them
Cooking/eating in their honor
Bathing in their honor
Putting on makeup in their honor
Any form of self-care
Doing art/reading in their honor
Going on a walk/drive
Cleaning in their honor
Practicing divination
Journaling
Writing letters to them
There are many other offerings you can give to them, this is just a list of some of the things I do and some common things I see others do as well.
Do I need to pray to my deity/deities? How do I pray?
Prayer is often a big part of deity worship, however it is definitely not a requirement. Prayer is when you ask your deities for something. You can do this in a very ritualistic way, lighting candles, sitting on the floor, etc, or you can do this in a very casual manner (like sending a quick prayer to them on your way to work). Again, there is no right or wrong way to pray to the deities you worship, there are many different ways you can do this.
How do I start deity work?
Starting deity work will often involve reaching out to the deity/deities you are wanting to work with. You can do this in many ways, it can be as simple as calling out the deities name and saying ‘I would like to work with you, I’d like you to be more involved in my practice’. Using divination tools such as tarot or oracle cards, pendulums, spirit boards, etc can also help greatly in communicating and developing a relationship with the deity you are wanting to work with.
Is my deity mad at me because…
The answer to this is most likely ‘no’. It takes a lot to piss a deity off. This question often comes from people who grew up with Abrahamic religions that taught them that making mistakes would anger ‘god’. The pagan gods do not get angry because you make mistakes or are not perfect. It is very hard to actually offend them, unless you do something purposefully to try to piss them off, you will not make them angry. They might get frustrated at us sometimes for falling into the same cycles and bad habits, but this is much different than them actually being angry.
I also want to address blowing out candles specifically with this question. Some people see it as rude to blow out candles that are devoted to specific deities or used as a form of divination. It is not rude to blow out candles at all, if you have finished communicating with your deity, or are simply moving to a different room/leaving your house, or need to blow it out for whatever reason, you can absolutely do so. The deities do not see it as rude and will not get angry at you for doing this. They might be a bit sad/disappointed, but again this is different than them being genuinely angry. It's like having to tell a friend you have to get off a call with them, even though you still want to talk to them. They might be a bit disappointed but they will understand.
Is __ a sign from my deities?
The answer to this is complicated; discernment is very important when it comes to answering this question. An easy way to answer this is by asking the deity through divination if whatever you experienced really was a sign. Sometimes deities will send signs in unusual ways (even through social media, yes I know that’s controversial but it does happen sometimes).
The other question to ask is: did I ask for a sign? There have been times where I will ask for signs and they may show me the sign in a weird way (like asking to see a specific type of bird in my area, and then seeing it on a postcard, for instance).
Can I reach out to deities? How do I reach out to a deity?
Yes! As long as the deity is not from a closed/gated practice you are not part of, you can reach out to whoever you want! There are many different ways you can go about reaching out to them; I first recommend doing research on the deity you are wanting to reach out to (this in itself may get their attention and let them know you are interested in them). A very simple way to reach out to them is simply by calling their name, and telling them you wish to work with them or are going to be honoring them.
What are closed/gated practices?
Closed and gated practices are usually religions where you need to either be born or initiated into the culture in order to practice it. Many of these practices are closed or gated because of other cultures and religions attempting to appropriate these practices, or erase things within these cultures.
What do I do if a closed practice deity reaches out to me, but I’m not part of that culture?
This is going to get controversial, but this is my opinion especially as someone who is part of several closed practices myself. In my opinion, while practices themselves can be closed, deities are not. Deities are independent beings from us, they do what they want outside of human rules and laws. If a deity from a closed practice reaches out to you, my advice is to do tons of research first. There are some closed practices that have officials who can help you with figuring out if a deity from that culture truly is reaching out to you, and can give advice on what to do moving forward. My other piece of advice is to not ignore the deity calling you. There have been some instances where I ignored the call from some of the closed practice deities I now work with, and while it didn’t necessarily anger them that I ignored them, it did annoy them and they were incredibly persistent with their presences until I did acknowledge them.
What do I do if I need to take a break from practicing? How do I let my deities know?
Breaks are very healthy and help with preventing burnout when it comes to practicing witchcraft or being pagan in general. If you feel you need to take a break, I recommend just letting the deities you are working with or worshipping know in whatever manner you usually use to communicate with them (a very easy way is just telling them ‘hey, I need to take a break’). They will understand and they will wait for you to be ready to resume practicing with them. Like with previously mentioned situations, they will not get angry at you for simply needing to step away for a bit. A lot of deities may even continue to be around you while you are on break as well, to show that they still care about you and are willing to support you.
How do I balance working with multiple deities?
This is, of course, dependent on you as a person. I know some people who make schedules, while others will allow the deities to decide when to show up in their practice. Since I work with quite a few deities and pantheons, generally I dedicate each week to a different pantheon, and dedicate each day to a different deity from that pantheon. I also have picker wheels that I use for this; this is both to make it more ‘fun’ for my ADHD brain (lol) and also to allow the deities to decide who wants to be more present during the week. Sometimes, deities may also decide to be more or less present depending on what you’re going through in life and what type of guidance you are needing. There may be times where a deity will take a step back so that someone else can step forward to take over guiding you a bit more. This is all very normal when it comes to deity work; not every deity needs the same amount of attention and not all of them will always be equally present, and that's ok!
There are also sometimes where a deity will decide they have taught you all you need to know, and they may discuss ending the working relationship with you entirely. This does not necessarily mean you will never see them again, but it may mean that they show up a lot less, as they have guided you in all the ways they feel you needed them for. Oftentimes, this will happen years and years into you working with them, and you may even realize that this is going to happen before an official discussion about it is mentioned. You can, of course, continue to honor and worship them even after they have officially stopped working with you.
Another subject I want to address here is that while you can absolutely reach out to and generally work with multiple deities, it's also important to remember to not rush into things. At the beginning of my practice, the only deities I had around me for years were Hades and Loki. After I had been researching and practicing for at least 6-7 years, that's when new deities started approaching me and when I felt comfortable reaching out to some deities as well. I know that working with multiple deities can be overwhelming, which is why I have covered how to manage this so thoroughly. If you are a fairly new practitioner who has multiple deities who are interested in working with you, or if you are interested in working with them, I definitely advise that you take it slow. Research the deities who are reaching out or who you are interested in, learn about them, and slowly start contacting them as you feel comfortable. This is still something I do to this day.��
Everyone’s practice is different; I know people who have been working with the same deity for 10+ years and have hardly interacted with other deities during their practice. On the other hand, I also know people who were approached by several deities at once in the beginning of their practice, and who were consistently approached by various deities over the years as well. It all depends on the deities around you, what they feel you need, and ultimately, what you feel is best for your practice. Whether you wish to work with just a few deities, or many, that is up to you; just make sure that you are also taking your own health into account while doing so!
How do I know if a deity is reaching out to me?
I discussed signs a little bit earlier on in this post, however I did want to cover this question specifically. There are many ways deities can send signs to us or let us know they are around. For someone who is more in-tune with their psychic abilities, they may feel different energies when different deities are around. They may even be able to see, hear and possibly even smell the deities around them at times as well and this may be a way to figure out if someone new is around. Another easy method you can use is doing divination to check and see if a new deity is around. As I mentioned above, deities do use social media sometimes to send us signs and sometimes even to show us that they are reaching out. This is another instance where discernment is important; if you interact with a video about a certain deity on Tiktok, for instance, it's a lot more likely the app will start showing you more videos about that deity. So it's important to use other methods (such as divination) to figure out if a deity is truly reaching out, or if it's just social media’s algorithms at play. As I addressed above, sometimes deities will also send signs to you in your mundane life too; while it is important to pay attention to events that may be signs, I would recommend not obsessing over it. If a deity is reaching out, they will make themselves known to you one way or another.
How do I figure out who is reaching out to me?
There may be times where you know that someone is reaching out, but you are not sure who it is. Again, divination is a very easy way to figure this one out, there are many deity ID spreads online that you can find (and when I make a post going into more detail about divination, I may include some of those spreads in that post). If you are not able to do divination for yourself on who is reaching out, I recommend trying to ask a friend or finding a professional reader who offers deity IDs. I actually am a professional reader and I do offer deity IDs, you are welcome to inbox me if you are needing one!
Another way you can attempt to figure out who the deity is on your own is to do research; if you are able to sense energies, or if they are sending you specific signs, you can look into the energies you feel and the signs you are getting to try to figure out who the deity is.
What is vetting? How do I vet?
Vetting is the process of ensuring that the deity/entity you are interacting with is who they say they are. The most common way to vet is by asking the deity/entity questions about their mythology. You can also ask questions about personal experiences you’ve had with them in the past. Another easy way to vet is by assigning the deity/entity an ID card using tarot or another form of card divination (you could also do this with shufflemancy with ID songs) and ask them to show you that card/cards or song/songs to verify its them.
What can deities help me with when I’m working with them?
Deities can help with a ton of things, both in your mundane and magical practices. Deities can (as mentioned before) help with shadow work; they can help you to develop your psychic abilities, and they can share knowledge with you about both the physical and magical realm. They can teach about crystals, herbalism and nature magic for instance. They can help you develop and practice divination skills. They can help you to learn how to save your money, and help you with relationship issues. Just about anything you can think of, deities can help with!
I would like to give special credit to Prince Stolas for helping me write this and edit it; he very much helped me with a lot of this and ended up channeling to help me with some of this info. This post is written in honor of him as an offering.
I’d also like to give credit to my friend @astralscraft for helping me so much with this; the questions they came up with and the feedback they gave me for this post was incredible!
#pagan witch#paganism#witchcraft#witch#pagan#deity worship#deity work#altars#offerings#digital altar#digital offering
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I already sent this thought to someone, but I think you might like it, too!
Tiefling bachelors accidentally scratching up the surfaces they were bracing their hands on while engaged in a moment of carnal passion with his partner, like not small superficial scratches, I mean his claws left gouge marks. Imagine he is all nervous/embarrassed about it only for his partner to inform him that is actually incredibly hot.
I look forward to seeing your thoughts (if you desire to share them).
A/N: This took me forever! But I loved every second it was so fun! these scenario ones are always my favorites! I love love the Tiefling bachelors but I wanted to add some of my moots OCs that I love. We have Kieran from @dark-and-kawaii wonderful mind (thank you for the screenshot and thank you for making this man I am obsessed!) We also have Syvaris who I instantly fell for when I saw him on the discord server made by @tealfling (He is so dreamy and I am so happy for @faerunsbest oc Dwylla for snatching up that tall man, also thank you for the photo to use!) Hope you enjoy its all 18+! MDNI!
Rolan
"Your... A- Ah~ Annoying, you know that?" Rolan growls in your ear as his claws dig into the sides of your thighs. All you can manage is a breathy giggle that turns into a whine as he pushes into your wet core deeper. The ridges stretch you as he sinks deeper, Rolan's brows are furrowed, and his eyes shut tight as he feels you clench on his cock like a vise. "So…so… tight… per-perfect," his voice mumbles as he gets lost in the feeling. This is a far cry from how he was acting earlier, you had been bothering him all day with countless pointless questions, touching his arms and hands, then acting oh so innocent about it. The last straw had been when you barged into his office and sat on his desk, hiking up your dress to show just a teasing hint of your thighs, of course, in an effort to interrupt his oh-so-important studies. Rolan was definitely taking out some built up frustrations when he finally broke. Grabbing you by your waist, Rolan pushes you down on the desk and finally kisses you; it is desperate, hungry, and completely perfect. You didn't think Rolan was ever going to stop kissing you, not until he started talking about how you drive him crazy. Now, here you lay back on the desk as Rolan's long nails scratch his oak desk, and he ruts in, bouncing you to take an inch deeper with every thrust. The pleasure of the stretch is overwhelming, and then there's the sight of him over you, his golden eyes shining, and the way his hair hangs down; he is completely enthralling. You should have bothered him to this point months ago... "Rolan... you're perfect." Your sweet praise rings in Rolan's ears, making him scratch his nails deeper down his desk. You feel his tail thrashing around till it's gripping your leg like a vice; all you can keep doing is gripping his tough skin, singing his praises, making his cock throb, and you too keen further. Rolan, fueled by your praise, loses himself in you as he lifts his foot on top of the desk angling his cock to hit against your G-spot in mind-numbing bliss. Rolan's own praise continues to switch from common to infernal as he desperately chases both of your orgasms. He's been pinning for months, and now that he has you, he's desperate to please you. When he finally pushes you to that edge, it's intense. Once you have both come down from your orgasms, Rolan's face is flushed from more than just the 'workout.' He's avoiding eye contact even as you try to ask him what the matter is. "Was it me?" you finally muster as you feel your chest sinking. Rolan turns to you quickly, holding your naked body close to his, "It's me… I was… unhinged… you probably-" you cover his mouth with your fingers, causing him to become quiet, "You were perfect… Rolan, truly perfect." Rolan looks at his sharp nails and ruined desk, "It didn't scare you?" You lean in closer to his lips, "Only excites me…"
Hours later, Lia brought up Rolan a late dinner (considering he had missed it earlier doing whatever). When she knocked on the door, she could have sworn she had heard hissing whispers and something being shoved. Rolan answers the door out of breath but uncharacteristically cheerful; it was suspicious... Lia looks around and sees large gashes on his desk and on his study walls. "What happened here?" She says, placing the tray down on the ruined desk; Rolan stumbles about clearing his throat till picking up a tome (one of many on the floor), "I was working on a difficult spell." Lia looks around, "I guess it's one hell of a spell…" Before she can further look around, Rolan is thanking her for the food and pushing her out. Must be very eager to get back to his work…
Zevlor
The first thing he asked you when you came into the storage room was if anyone saw you sneak in after him. The Second question he asked you as he walked towards you from the darkness, his fiery eyes locked on yours, was if you could keep quiet." Of course "was what you promised Zevlor, and of course, at that time, you had meant it… but now that your legs are wrapped around his textured waist and his thick cock is ramming in and out of you, bouncing you against the supply shelf, you're finding it difficult not to scream his name. Zevlor is also finding it equally as difficult not to moan your name as yours as you take him in so well, your tight warmth practically sucking him in deeper as your slick walls flutter around him. Your nails bite into his shoulders with every roll of his hips. Zevlors breath is hot and heavy against your neck, his teeth threatening to bite your delicate skin as he presses sloppy kisses against you. It all just riles you up more, rolling your hips to meet his thrust pushing his hot cock to sink in deeper, nudging that sensitive spot in your cunt, forcing you to see stars. A deep groan rips from Zevlors throat as your cunt quivers on his cock with a rush of your arousal squirting onto his abdomen. In an attempt to keep himself quiet, he bites into your skin while his hands claw up and tear at the supply shelves, even forcing some things to fall and crash to the ground as his hips move erratically to chase his high. Later, he will embarrassingly apologize for acting like an animal, but you just kiss his lips and say you want to see that passion again.
You're trying not to blush as the rest of the caravan's refugees look at the ruined shelves and materials marked by claws. When Zevlor finally shows up from being called, he gives a simple answer: "Animals must have gotten in and messed around," he says, trying to hide his smile. You promised that your rondeau tonight would happen outside the grove so you could be as loud as you like.
Cal
You could have had anyone you wanted at the party; as the hero of the hour, everyone was trying to catch your attention, but you picked him out, and Cal couldn't be happier. Cal almost feels like he can't breathe as you kiss his neck before running your tongue over his ears. You giggle as his tail twists and sways erratically, his clawed hands holding tightly onto your bedroll, carefully trying not to rip it. Cals is trying so hard not to lose control, but little does he know that's exactly what you're after. Cal has always been so sweet and strong… All you want him to do is to let go and finally release all that built-up tension. So after much soft teasing with sweet whispered desires, you reward when Cal finally snaps, taking you in his arms and kissing you like he's never going to see you again. You, of course, were soft to start… but your want can make you ravenous as Cal's hands ran over your body; of course, it led to you stripping him in a fever, eager to feel his hot hands all over your skin, caressing your sides, teasing your inner thighs, and twisting your breast… You just couldn't help it anymore when you finally pushed him down to sink onto his girth. Cal's clawed hands rip fistfuls of your bedroll apart as you bounce on his cock; he eagerly matches your pace with his hips ramming up into your wet cunt, making your eyes roll in ecstasy. Your sweet Cal looks up at you with half-lidded eyes concentrating on your pleasure, he wants to please you, and when you bring his hand to circle your clit he's in bliss. Your cunt clenches down harder on his thick cock, making a growl rip from his throat as he tries not to cum too quickly. But then you start begging… begging for him to cum inside and claim you as his. With a moan and a loud tear, you feel him cum in hot spurts that make you desperate for more of him. Later, Cal will be so embarrassed and nervous about ripping up your bedroll; of course, he offers to give you his, but you just smirk, "I don't mind it all ripped up; it's a good reminder of you for the road."
The next day, as you're packing up your things, still feeling quite melancholy about the tiefling departure, you're about to pack up your ruined bedroll when a clearing of a throat causes you to turn. It's Halsin, and in his hands, he has a bedroll. You look at him confused, and he just smiles. "Heard from a blushing young man that you needed a new one." Of course, Cal wouldn't leave you with a ruined one. During your small reverie of thinking about Cal, Astarion walks past with a smirk, "Hope it's claw proof, that or get that teif some claw covers for next time."
Dammon
His forked tongue licks at your dripping sweat as it rolls down your throat. Dammon pins you against the back wall as one hand holds your hips as the other keeps him steady leaning you both steady. His weight presses against your body as his thick cock stretches you open. Your hands and legs wrap tightly around him as he fucks you in the back of the forge. You had been so needy and couldn't wait for him to take you upstairs, you needed him now. So thus leading to you two tangled together in the back of the shop. You're both nude and sweating as the forge fire roars. As you chant his name Dammons pace gets rougher, his cock slamming in so deep you begin to see stars. Feeling your tight warmth starting to clench on his cock has his mind going blank. First, you feel his sharp nails on your hip pierce your skin, then you hear the scratching down the stone wall as his hips get faster, the pace getting sloppier but never relenting. Dammon always knows how to give you exactly where you need it every time. His breathing is rough and shallow in your ear before he lets out a dark growl, "Cum on my cock. So I can fucking fill you..." Dammon is rarely so demanding, but you just can't help yourself when he is. Dammon comes to bed later rather quietly… when you ask him about it, he says he's embarrassed for getting so rough, when will he learn that's your favorite…
The customer looks at the back of the forge's wall, tilting his head at the scratches all over the stones. "What happened to your back wall?" Dammon flushes, stammering before you come and place a hand on the small at his back, calming him. "Just your typical late night at the forge. Nothing to worry about."
Kieran
He smiles down at your blissed-out face, "Feels good, doesn't it, bunny?" All you can manage to do is to open your mouth and whine as his cock keeps punching against your cervix, brushing your smooth, slick walls with the hard ridges of his cock. Kieran smirks down at you, so malleable for him; he hicks your legs up further, forcing your knees up to your face, successfully folding you in half. "You're so full you can't even think right now, huh?" You urge yourself to answer, but with the added heat of his body slamming onto you is leaving you in a lustful daze. You end up just grabbing his shoulders, digging your nails further into his flesh, practically threatening to make him bleed, "Please…" Your pleading is music to his ears as he pounds you harder, his nails not only ripping through the wooden headboard but ripping your skin in the process. The sharp feeling is quickly dulling into toe-curling pleasure as Kieran continues to fuck you at a rough pace. "Please… Please!" you continue to breathe as you quench down on his cock, causing him to groan in your ear, "Oh bunny, you don't even know what you're begging for, do you?" Kieran rolls his hips at an agonizingly slow pace making your eyes cross as his tail finds your clit. "What would your boyfriend think of you now? Begging like a whore for another man's cock in his bed nonetheless…" you hardly hear his taunting words as you cling to him, babbling as his nails continue to carve into you; if you didn't know any better, you would think he's carving his initials… "poor bastard just didn't know how to treat you…" Kieran grabs your hips and starts to bounce you in his cock, smiling at how you come undone for him so easily. Honestly, Kieran is not remorseful in the least for scratching everything up.
Your boyfriend stumbles into your shared bedroom and pauses when he sees the bed broken and everything else he owns ripped to shreds. He looks around, perplexed until he sees a letter waiting on the broken nightstand. "Sorry about the bed. Try finding something more durable. Also, I took the girl." - K.E.
Syvaris
Syvaris was just expecting to take a nice refreshing dip… but he hadn't expected to be interrupted during his wash in the river. Syvaris had a feeling he was being watched, it was only confirmed when he stopped his meditation to see you peeking at him from behind a tree. You, the same sweet little thing he had helped save earlier that day spying on him…, and he couldn't find it in himself to mind, especially when it's someone so pretty like you acting so naughty. All Syvaris had to do was wave his hand to beckon you closer, "care to join me?" was all he said to get you to strip bare for him and join him in the crisp waters. It was clear you were wanting this just like he was. The coolness of the water made you feel a shiver throughout your body; it was short-lived. However, as you swam closer, he wrapped his warm arms around you, bringing you to his lap. Syvaris chuckled as he let you roam your hands over his wide chest. A passionate make-out followed where he prepped you with his long fingers in your wet cunt. The next thing you knew in the lust-filled blur was him having switched your positions to have your back pushed against a rock as he stretched your cunt taut, and he sunk into your warmth. Syvaris seemed determined to ruin you for any man after him with the way he rammed into you. Syvaris continued to shower you in praise as his lips caressed your sweat-laced skin, and with every kiss, every whisper, every thrust that threatened to go straight to your womb, your pussy fluttered and gripped him like a vise. Such a sweet little thing… he promises to come back for you when his journey is over, but for now he wants to stay in this moment for as long as he can, holding tight to you as he digs his claws into the rock holding you as he fills you with his cum. You won't be able to forget him… especially not when you're going to be leaking him for days…
You are stuck in your reverie as you look out into the cool waters. You were meant to be down here to wash laundry in the stream, but when you look in the distance, you see that same place where you shared your night with your hero. Syvaris had left with a promise to return, and you knew deep down it was true… but you still worried…. "Are those bear scratches?" one of the girls with her own basket says in shock, part of you has half a mind to confess… but you keep Syvaris and your secret tight to your chest.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 rolan#rolan bg3#rolan#rolan x reader#bg3 fanfiction#rolan smut#holy rolan empire#rolan nation#bg3 cal#cal bg3#cal x reader#zevlor x tav#zevlor bg3#zevlor nation#bg3 zevlor#baldurs gate 3 zevlor#askreverie#dammon bg3#bg3 dammon#dammon#dammon x reader#bg3 fanfic#bg3 smut#baldurs gate#ask reverie
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I GOT AN IDEA! Would you do headcanons or a oneshot (whatever you want to do) about case seeing and clip of streamer!reader (probably from the discord), and the clip is basically just reader talking about how much she loves him and how cute she thinks he is. Just lovey dovey fluff bc I love him sm 😭
YESS! omg i love this idea! so so perfect! i hope you enjoy my angel. i did this as you were currently together. just endless flirting 💌
DISCORD CLIPS | caseoh x f!streamer!reader masterlist.
“W edit man! appreciate you!” case enthusiastically praises one of the editors apart of his discord group. during another stream the chat begged him to react to videos flooding his inbox. it had gotten insanely more active in the past couple of days.
case’s chat was filled with comments telling him to keep scrolling and to go to a certain video. he wanted to take time is watching everyone else’s videos before he just skips and goes to the main one. “hold on chatt” he says in a funny accent.
“that is not me! that is ai!” case threw his hand on his desk and laughed loudly. “ain’t no way!” it had been a late happy birthday edit for him which included many edited photos.
“oh chat is this the one you were talkin’ bout’?” his cursor hovered over the video of you sat in your gaming chair looking over to what he presumed was a monitor of some sort, you were cheerily smiling. case studied it for a moment, you looked gorgeous.
“yeah?” he clicked on the video with great curiosity. it started off with you letting out a shy giggle. “what do i think about case?” for some reason, his heart began speeding up a little.
“to be completely honest, that man is a whole different kinda guy. i mean he’s amazing!” he leaned back in his chair, watching the way you spoke and played nervously with your hair.
“he is funny as hell, i mean every stream is just brillant, never a dull moment. his humour is” you paused “unmatched” he noticed that as you spoke your cheeks slightly turned a dark shade of red. he smiled to himself as he listened and followed every word you said. usually, he pauses the same video a couple times to add his own bits of commentary but he couldn’t this time?
“honestly i’m happy he blew up on all the social platforms he truly deserves it, i personally love the guy. we constantly talk and he remains so humble and genuine. he’s so cute chat, can’t be the only one that thinks that! his personality is just adorable. ahh i do miss him, it’s been a while since i’ve seen him. i miss his hugs, he gives great ones! no but seriously i LOVE him and kitty of course”the vid ended and he was truly in shock. chat added on that you continued talking about how cute kitty was for a couple more minutes.
case could say the exact thing about you, he loved the connection and genuine friendship you had with one another. constant supportiveness coming from both ends. he adored you! how could someone not? you had the personality of an angel, not only that but you were stunning.
sometimes case thought you would never go for a guy like him, but he believes otherwise now. chat watched as case sat there with a huge smile on his face, he had a smug look on his face that you had potentially chosen him.
“CASE UR IN”
“W RIZZ”
“case ur locked in”
case continued reading chat, still in complete awe over you. he was in fact. in.
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saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk
CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.
hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.
first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.
on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.
first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.
i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.
a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!
so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.
this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:
again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?
i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.
regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.
she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.
i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.
now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.
but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.
anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.
the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.
it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.
i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.
i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.
i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.
so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.
i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.
— emmie :)
#i apologise in advance to my mutuals & the innocents#i probably had more to say but yk i was rambling atp#anyways see u guys 🖤 love most of u !
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𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟣 - 𝒲𝒶𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝒲𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒽 𝒾𝓉?
Discord 18+ - Twitter - Series Masterlist - Next Chapter
Pairing: Hotel Heir Satoru Gojo x Club Heiress Female Reader
Genre: Fake Dating/Arranged Marriage AU/Rivals to Lovers
WC: 4.4k
Summary: One unforgettable night out leads to a lifetime tethered to the one man you absolutely can't fucking stand. The feeling's mutual, but now you both have to find a way to make it work in your favor.
or
You and Satoru's parents give you an ultimate that you both quite literally cannot afford to refuse.
Story Warning: Fake Dating, Arranged Marriage, Profantity DUH, Gojo and Reader being fucking bratty and annoying, Slow Burn, Jealousy, Possessive Behavior. Smut Maybe? (probably), No Y/N usage here
Art by: nameissiyo on X
A/N: I don't even know how this happened because yall know I don't write Gojo LMAO. But here it is! Not sure how long this will be so bear with me because it's just gonna be a fun lil ride!
“It’s easy,” the man across from you hums from his end of the table, lips curled in a mischievous grin that has your skin crawling. “Then, after a year, we’ll announce that it just…didn’t work out between us.” He motions between the two of you with his finger. “You and I both get off without a scratch on us.” He shrugs, leaning back in his seat, confident as ever as he picks at his fingernails.
Disgusting.
He adds, “Everything works out for us both in the end. My parents are off my back. Your dad is off yours, and they both get what they want. It’s a win-win to me! What do you think?”
You can’t trust this guy as far as you can throw him, and you know that’s not far. The man’s like ten feet taller than you even with your highest heels on! But what choice do you have in the matter? You have to do this.
”No funny business,” you demand, eyes narrowed at the man. You mean it to come out more as a question, but the rise of your partner’s brows lets you know he’s aware that you’re not fucking around with this.
And then his head falls back, a loud laugh bursting from his chest and you are tempted to sink into your seat when other patrons in the restaurant turn to glare at you both. He’s enjoying this far too much for someone who has everything on the line here, just like you.
“None at all, princess.” You ignore the pet name, rolling your eyes. It’s a promise that you’re not sure he’ll be able to keep. But again, you just have to trust him.
“You have a deal,” you finally agree.
The man leans forward, his elbows resting on the table, and you can’t help but to sneer in disgust at his clear lack of manners. How could someone raised in high society, the same as you, act in such a way? You wish you could wipe that cheshire cat-like smirk off of his face, but you keep it cordial. You can’t enter into this with bad blood already on your hands. This arrangement will benefit you both at the end of the day. You just have to remember that.
‘One year,’ you tell yourself. ‘One year, and you never have to see this man again. This will be easy.’
He reaches into his shirt pocket, pulling out an obnoxiously expensive pen, the signature Gojo Hospitality name written in a fancy gold font along the body. He sets it down in front of you, on top of the stack of papers you’ve spent the last two hours tearing apart meticulously, marking out anything you don’t agree with. He’d nagged endlessly about how long this was taking, like he had anywhere more important to get to.
You’re sure he took you for some bimbo ready to jump at the chance to marry the only son and heir to the Gojo fortune. But you’re not an idiot. You’re an heiress yourself, so he doesn’t impress you. And your father raised you to know that when entering a contract, it’s important to read the fine print. It’s important to find any loopholes, anything that can screw you in the end, anything that can make your life hell on the off chance things don’t work out. Make sure you’ve crossed all your t’s and dotted all your i’s.
But you don’t see any here, you don’t think. So you reach forward, taking his pen in hand.
“On the dotted line, then,” he instructs. “Sign away…future Mrs. Gojo.”
𝓣𝔀𝓸 𝓦𝓮𝓮𝓴𝓼 𝓔𝓪𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓻…
Daylight peeks through the curtains of your room, the midmorning sun beckoning you awake. The birds chirp loudly outside your window. And you are hiding the best you can beneath your blankets to try and drown it all out. It’s far too bright. So damn bright that the sun is somehow managing to penetrate the fabric of your linens, and your head pounds each time a sliver of light touches your skin. To top it all off, your mouth feels dry, yet sticky somehow at the same time, like it’s packed with cotton balls.
Water. You need water, badly.
You attempt to shift beneath your blankets, only to find that your body feels like it weighs a ton. Even wiggling your toes feels like it takes more effort than you’d like to exert. Your brain frantically sends panicked signals to the rest of your body that if you don’t hydrate soon, you may die, so you manage to find the strength to crawl out of your bed.
Your eyes are barely open enough to navigate around your enormous room, enough to see that you’re in a hotel suite. You don’t actually remember coming here, but you’re not all that surprised. You had quite a night of partying and drinking with your friends. The occasion? Well, you don’t really need one do you? For you and your friends, it’s a regular Wednesday night. Either way, you must have gathered your wits enough to book a suite instead of trying to get back home to your apartment in Tokyo.
And honestly? You’re proud of yourself! Better than stumbling your way home, or trying to figure out how to call your driver to pick you up.
Clumsily – and through squinted eyes – your hands feel along the walls until they reach the refrigerator, where you hurriedly yank the doors open and practically rip the lid off of a bottle of water. The cool beverage breathes life back into your dehydrated body. You feel like what you’d imagine a raisin would feel if it could be turned back into a grape. The drink is so refreshing, your eyes are practically rolling into the back of your head as you guzzle down the icy cold liquid.
When the bottle is empty, you carelessly toss it aside, crossing the threshold to the sofa in the common area. But just as you’re about to flop down, the muffled sound of your phone ringing pierces through the air. It’s usually set to silent or vibrate, because you don’t particularly care to be surprised by the loud noise. However, there’s only one person in this world who is allowed to bypass those settings, their tone always set to blare loudly should they ever call. You follow the sound back to the bedroom as quickly as you can manage. Tossing your clothes from last night around and shaking out your garments, digging through your clutch until you finally hear the tone get louder as you approach your bed. You lift your blankets, shaking them around until the device falls to the floor, still screaming that damn ringtone. You press the answer button, putting the phone to your ear.
”Hi, Daddy,” you sing into the receiver, hoping technology hasn’t advanced enough that he can smell the vodka on your breath, hear the way you’re struggling to catch your breath.
“Hi, sweetheart.” Your dad’s deep voice hums from the other side, and you breathe a sigh of relief when his voice sounds at ease. “Where are you?”
You frown, pursing your lips together. “What do you mean?”
You can hear that your dad is out from the commotion on the other side. If you had to bet, you’d say he was at a restaurant given the way he’s quietly muttering something to someone.
“You were supposed to—“
It clicks for you then.
”Meet you for breakfast,” You finish his sentence. “Oh my god, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I’m late! I can be there in like…” you check your phone for the time. “about an hour if you give me time to get home and change!”
Your dad sighs, long and hard, exhausted. That safety you felt only a moment ago has now dissipated. And you know you are in deep shit, for whatever reason. You close your eyes, trying to calm the pounding against your skull.
“Perhaps transportation has advanced overnight,” he hums. “Can you make it from Seoul to Tokyo in an hour?” He questions bitterly.
”Seoul?!”
You scurry over to your hotel window, wincing when you pull the curtains wide open and the sun smacks you painfully in the face. When your vision clears and the urge to vomit isn’t as strong, you’re finally able to make out the foreign symbols along the skyscrapers and businesses of Seoul, South Korea.
The events of last night flood back to your memory.
You and your friends at your usual booth at one of your family’s many Tokyo nightclubs, Club Echo - Roppongi. Bottles on bottles of alcohol being brought to your table. Flashing lights. Sweaty bodies on the dance floor. Free food and drinks for everyone, the perk of being the daughter of the man who owns this very club.
“We should go somewhere!” Your best friend Shoko slurs into your ear as she leans across your booth. You hook a finger into the loose strap of her dress and pull the neckline up. Her breasts are one wrong move away from being on the front page of the Jujutsu Social tomorrow morning.
Beside her, your other friend Utahime nods excitedly, downing her drink. “Yeah! We should go somewhere else!”
You nod too, your brain sloshing around in your head, right along with the liquor. “Okay! But where, though?”
Shoko and Utahime huddle together, whispering and giggling drunkenly and you wait, eyes roaming the club. It’s packed to capacity and for some reason the sight fills you with a sense of pride. Not that you had literally anything to do with it. No, that was all dad. You show up with your friends, get some pictures snapped of you, eat and drink to your heart’s content and then check to make sure any photos of you that ended up on whatever gossip blog look good.
And any that don’t, well, they’d be speaking to your attorney very soon.
The life of an heiress is so hard sometimes.
Shoko and Utahime spin around in tandem, large smiles beaming on their faces. “Seoul!” They cry in unison.
“Like…Korea, Seoul?”
“Yes! We can finally check out the new Club Echo there! We haven’t been yet,” Utahime whines. Her pink cheeks practically glow in the dark as she sticks her bottom lip out in a pleading face. It makes you want to laugh because it’s just so cute. But still! You’re not going to give in that easily.
“It’s like one in the morning!” You argue, your mind trying to fight the liquor that’s trying its damndest to make you give in. “By the time we get there, it’ll be closed.”
Shoko sighs your name, the disappointment clear in her voice. “You own the place, ___. All it takes is one call from you and you’re good! You know management is new and will be practically begging to score points with your dad! The staff will wait for you!”
“Also!” Utahime practically screams. Then she lowers her voice, leaning closer to you and Shoko as she whispers. “What if you run into Jungkook there?”
Shoko gasps, like it’s a scandal waiting to happen. “I heard he has the biggest crush on youuuuu,” she sings.
Your lips purse together, doing your best to let what Shoko says sink in. The sober part of you in the very deepest and darkest depths of your mind is fighting for its fucking life to get to the surface, screaming “Don’t do it! Dad is going to kill you!”
But the drunk part of you is fighting back just as hard, and it came ready to beat your ass. “But Jungkook! Also…chartering a private plane would be so fun!” Your brain argues. “That’s the point of having all this money, right? To do what you want! And to see Jungkook!”
The bumping of the music is making you feel dizzy, and the giggles and chants to “do it, do it, do it” coming from your two friends aren’t helping. If anything, it’s just making the alcohol set in even worse.
It’s just one night. Your pilot wouldn’t mind getting up and flying you and your friends out. You already know he’d be happy to get a call from you this late at night. In fact, you’re pretty sure he’d be thrilled because despite him being married with two kids and one on the way, you’re positive he’s got the hots for you.
“Call me any time, Ms. ___. I’d happily pick up the phone for you,” he’d told you with a wink after you’d made him fly you last minute to Coachella. You’d apologized profusely because you had no idea his daughter’s dance recital was happening at that time. To be fair, he didn’t tell you until you’d landed in California either!
So you pull out your phone, grinning wide as you tell your girls, “Looks like we’re going to Seoul!” They cheer happily, chanting “Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook!” before ordering another round of shots as you make a call to your pilot and driver.
It’s just one night. You’ll be back tomorrow. How much trouble could you possibly get into anyway?
- - - - - -
Turns out you could get into a whole lot of fucking trouble.
You stand in your father’s office, squirming in your designer heels that cost a fortune, squeezing onto the handle of your designer bag that cost even more of a fortune as your father stares you down. You don’t dare meet his hard gaze, eyes glued to the chevron patterned hardwood floors in shame.
This tension couldn’t even be cut with a chainsaw, you think. The silence is absolutely deafening, and you think that if someone focused hard enough, they would hear your heart hammering in your chest, and the vein in your father’s neck throbbing.
The flight from Seoul back to Tokyo was long and terrifying. The closer you came to approaching the city, the more sick you felt. And by no fault of the liquor. Shoko and Utahime’s drivers picked them up from the hangar space, both of them about ready to keel over and having to be practically carried to their cars.
You on the other hand, your chauffeur was nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s Nanami?” You ask the flight attendant waiting at the end of the plane’s steps. Your brows pull together in confusion as you scan the area. Your driver is never late. It’s one of your pet peeves about each other, really. He’s meticulous, always on time, while you’re always running behind because why not? Sometimes you get caught up in things! It’s literally his job to wait for you, anyway.
But still, this is strange. The young blonde man is usually standing beside your car, with the door held open for you while he mumbles about how you need to work on being more punctual and considerate of others, that he doesn’t get paid enough to be waiting on you.
It’s a lie. You and Nanami are around the same age, and you know damn well he keeps this job because it’s easy and you pay him more than well enough. You even grab drinks together some nights. He’s more than your driver, he’s your friend (sometimes).
And your friend is nowhere to be seen. It’s just you, the flight attendant and the pilot who is on his way to park the plane. You could really use the support of Nanami at the moment, because you have a terrible feeling settling into the pit of your stomach. Which is justified when a car pulls into the hangar space, a car that you know is not yours, and the flight attendant gives you a smile that offers a silent “I’m so sorry,” before she speaks and tells you, “Mr. Yaga has come to retrieve you Ms. ___. Your father would like to see you.”
Your father’s chauffeur and a longtime family friend. He’s loyal to your father and your father only.
That’s when you knew you were screwed.
The sharp intake of breath from behind your father’s desk makes you flinch, and your teeth dig into your bottom lip to keep yourself from trembling when he finally breaks the silence.
“Do you enjoy your trip?” He questions, voice flat.
You’re too afraid to answer, because you know he doesn’t actually give a single shit if you had fun or not. He’s irate. There’s no other reason he’d call you here. You do not come to the office to see your father unless you’ve severely angered him. Which is almost never, because your father just sort of lets you…do you.
“Well?” He asks again after a few seconds go by with no response from you.
“Yes, Daddy,” you answer quietly, fingers tightening around your bag strap.
“Did you enjoy the food at the club?”
“Yes, Daddy. It was very good.”
Your father hums, leaning back in his chair, and the creaking sound makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.
“Good, good. And the staff? Did they treat you and your friends well?”
Every answer you give feels like you’re inching closer to your demise. You wish he’d get to the point. What is the meaning of dragging you here?
You nod anyway. “They were wonderful, Daddy. Your management did an excellent job selecting employees.”
You try to tug at his heartstrings, the ones that aren’t attached to you, but to the other love of his life – his business. Your father is a hard man who loves very few things. You, your mother, and his company. But not in that order. You’re fairly certain that at this particular moment in time, he definitely loves his company more than both you and your mother.
“I know they did,” he affirms. “The Seoul team is so great, they remained open for you and your friends to stay until the early hours of the morning –” Your father’s voice rises, echoing off the walls of his office, and you squeeze your eyes shut. “Until you finally stumbled your drunk asses to bed! Imagine my surprise when I woke up alerted to the fact that your plane was taking off in the middle of the night, jet setting to wherever the hell you deem appropriate or fun at the time. But no…no, ___,” your father spits your name like it’s bitter. “That’s not the best part here.”
You hear his menacing tone, can practically see the anger raging behind his eyes in your head.
“Imagine my surprise when I get a call from management of the Seoul location letting me know how much they enjoyed having you and your friends. You all were splendid guests, and they were grateful for the opportunity to serve you, the heiress to the Club Echo business…”
You finally gather the courage to look up at your father, a bit of hope in your eyes that quickly gets crushed when you see the tick in his jaw.
“Until seven in the fucking morning!” Your father is full on yelling now, and you see the vein in his neck protruding, hard and pulsing. He’s about to blow a gasket, do something irrational. Now’s your chance to speak up for yourself!
“Daddy, I can explain–”
“Quiet!” He barks, and you zip your fucking lip.
Your father stands, taking his time coming around to stand in front of his desk where he leans against the edge. He folds his arms across his chest, not a hint of forgiveness in his eyes.
You’re so fucked and you know it.
What’s your punishment going to be? Is he taking away your black card? It would be a struggle, but you could survive. Banning you from the club for a month? Sure, that would suck, but you’d survive! Firing your pilot? Honestly, that would be a plus. Make you return that really expensive painting you just had delivered last weekend? Okay, no big deal! All of these punishments are reasonable, you think. As long as you got them back – minus the pilot, you’d be fine!
Your father stares you down with more anger and frustration than you’ve ever seen him aim towards you. Your knees threaten to buckle beneath the weight of his glare and you wish you had worn more sensible shoes. Not that it would make much difference. WIth the way your father doesn’t seem to be giving into your pout and watery eyes, you think you’d be shaking even if you were barefoot.
Your father pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing harshly as he closes his eyes. “You know you’re on the Jujutsu Social?”
Jujutsu Social?
That shitty blog that posts about nothing but gossip, drama and socialite’s lives? You’ve never paid it much mind. You’ve been on there plenty of times.
‘Club Echo Heiress’ Walk of Shame! Cast Your Votes on Who the Lucky Man Was!’
‘Spotted! Club Echo Heiress seen getting very cozy with up and coming rock star, Suguru Geto. Could they be the new it couple?’
‘Does She Ever Get Tired? Heiress of Club Echo Seen Partying in Bangkok!’
Blog posts about you are nothing new. You read them like the morning newspaper, then go on about your day. But it must have been something particularly awful for your father to be so upset about it.
“That blog is a piece of shit,” you tell him, trying to calm his temper even a little. “I’ll send those posts over to the lawyer and I’ll own the blog by this afternoon, if you want.”
Your father scoffs, his anger rising again. “Why? So you can drag its name through the mud like you’re doing mine?”
Okay, so maybe that was the wrong move. “That’s not what I meant, Daddy. I just meant–”
“You know what they’re saying about you now?” Your father chuckles dryly. “I don’t typically pay any mind to these blogs, you know? But I think they hit the mark on this one. Want to hear what they said?”
Tears form along your waterline, the fake amusement in your father’s tone, making you want to crawl into a hole.
“You are a spoiled brat,” he tells you anyway when you don’t reply, emphasizing the insult. “Keeping your pilot on standby so you can fly from one country to another overnight just because you feel like it,” he lists. “Going to the new restaurant your daddy opened, because of course you can. And this one’s my favorite,” he whispers angrily. “Taking advantage of the employees that have their own lives and families to go home to, overworking them so that you and your friends can drink and dance to your heart's content. Just the three of you.”
“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” you whimper, biting down on your trembling lip as you step closer.
Your father tilts his head, seemingly confused at where these tears are coming from and it stops you in your tracks. “Oh no…No, sweetheart. Don’t cry...” His soothing tone…you almost want to fall for it, but you know your father. He’s not done. “Don’t cry now, just because you’re in trouble.”
He stands from his desk, closing the distance between you two. He takes your hand in his, hard and calloused, his hard work over decades evident as he holds your soft and smooth one that has never seen a hard day's work in its life. “I’ve been waiting, hoping that my only daughter finally gets her shit together. Hoping that maybe you’ll want to learn the ropes of the business. But that doesn’t seem so. Doesn’t seem like you want to do anything but spend the money that I’ve worked so hard for.” He sighs, just so tired of you and your antics.
He gazes into your eyes, almost in pity and you see your dad there. Not your father, who is the strict businessman that was just standing before you. But your dad, who held you and kissed your cuts and scrapes, who helped you learn to read and tie your shoes, who gave you all that you could ever ask for. Then he’s gone, replaced by your father who drops your hand and leaves you standing in the middle of his office as he wanders over to the floor to ceiling windows of his office. He holds his hands behind his back as he takes in the Tokyo skyline. “The blogs are right. I’ve been far too easy on you. Given you everything so that you’d want for nothing, and you consistently take advantage of me and your privilege. It’s time for you to grow up.”
You can’t bring yourself to speak up this time, afraid that just like all the other times, you’ll be putting your designer heels in your mouth.
“I didn’t want it to come to this, sweetheart,” and it’s your dad once more, peering over his shoulder like it’s paining him to get these next words out. “I’ve been in talks with Gojo Hospitality…”
You narrow your eyes, moving closer to your father, because you’re praying this isn’t what you think it is.
“I’ve proposed a merger of Club Echo to CEO Gojo.”
“...Okay? What does that have to do with me growing up?”
Your dad looks you over once more, and you can see the love he holds for you in his eyes once more before the switch happens again, and he’s back in business mode. “He’s interested,” he states simply, but you know that’s not all.
“Again…What does that have to do with me growing up?”
Your father stares out the window again, not daring to glance in your direction. “You and his son are to be married in order for this merger to go through. Club Echo will be built into Gojo Hotels across the world.”
You think you may jump straight through that window and let your father watch you freefall all the way into the Tokyo streets if you truly heard him correctly.
“Married?”
He nods.
“To…Gojo?”
If it’s who you think it is – and you’re pretty sure it is – it’s that asshole that you despise from the very bottom of your heart. Insufferable, flaky, annoying, the list could go on and on for how you feel about Gojo, but there’s just not enough time for that.
“Satoru,” your father corrects you, confirming your fears. “Get used to calling him by his name. It would be strange to refer to your husband by your shared last name, don’t you think?”
Yeah, you’re gonna jump.
#jjk x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk fic#jjk x y/n#anime x reader#jjk x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk gojo#satoru gojo#jujutsu gojo#gojo satoru fic#satoru gojo x reader#satoru x reader#gojou satoru x reader#jjk satoru#jujutsu satoru#gojou x reader#satoru gojou x reader#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x oc#satoru gojo x you#gojo x you#satoru gojo x y/n#arranged marriage fic#fake dating fic#jujustu kaisen#gojo satoru#satoru
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hi everyone! i talked about my new "dream job" very briefly a few times, but turns out you really shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch. i debated not saying anything multiple times, and frankly perhaps i should've kept quiet, but i refuse to let this situation eat me up and i feel like the community also deserves some transparency on some things that realistically, you'll never get unless people speak up. i want to preface this by stating very, very clearly that everyone that i met in the studio on a personal level is incredibly talented, passionate, and kind. all of them deserve much, much better than the way they get treated. i applied to be a writer for quackity studios / qsmp and got an email back on the 18th of january. i interviewed for the position on the 23rd of january, and entered trial period on the 28th after signing an "nda".
early during trial period, i asked one of my supervisors about payment and was told they weren't responsible for that and didn't know, but would get back to me as soon as they knew which never ended up happening (i do not blame them at all, they’re incredibly busy people). i should've pressed further, but as someone in a very, very sensitive financial situation and someone who loves the qsmp and admires the talent of everyone who poured their heart and soul into the project, i chose to wait and expect the best. i was officially welcomed into the studio on the 10th of february, and while i waited to be contacted regarding a contract or payment, i had to once again ask (even after i was already working) about payment. i was redirected to "the" head admin as it was him who handled payment, and had to wait days for him to log on so i could add him as a discord friend and ask about my salary. during that conversation, which took almost a week from start to finish, i was asked multiple times if i'd worked professionally as a writer or freelancer (to which the answer was no) before finally being offered between 200-250 dollars (which i later found out shakes out to 170€) per month. i had to ask how i was being paid, and of my own accord provide him with my paypal email in hopes of a response as he never made it clear to whom i should send it. i was incredibly lucky compared to so many members of that team, because i did get paid for my work over that month, even if it felt like i had to beg for compensation that had been promised to me before. it was an awful salary, but i was desperate and so excited to be a part of the team that i accepted the conditions. after léa's tweets, the response "jay" posted, and quackity's emergency stream, i heard once from a supervisor that things were on hold but we'd be informed of any changes. to this day, there has not been any communication either publicly on the discord server or privately, even though i asked a supervisor privately for any possible updates on anything. there's been absolute radio silence. i want to add that i do not in any way blame my supervisors for any of their lack of communication, as they've been nothing but kind and caring towards me and i imagine they'd say something if they could. i have nothing but the utmost respect for them. a few days ago (and i apologize for not being precise with the date but i wasn't checking these things closely as i had no reason to) i noticed that my access to just about everything on the server apart from the announcement channel had been removed, and the only role i retained was the main "writer" one. upon checking, the other writers on the team still retain all of their previous roles. for some reason i do not know nor understand, my access got removed without any sort of word, communication, dm, anything. anything i've ever learnt about this situation, i learnt in the middle of the night live on twitch.tv while i waited to see if i still had a job or not. the only reason i can find for my access being removed and not the other writers is the fact that i'm friends with pomme's admin. i do not know if that is why, it's merely my own speculation, but it's the only link i can see that would lead to that decision. i hope i'm wrong, but hope hasn't gotten me very far in this yet. yesterday, i quit.
i only applied in the first place because i love the qsmp. i love this community, i love this project, and i genuinely and wholeheartedly wanted to help build it as well as be able to in some way support myself while being creative. i'm not making this post because i hate quackity and want to see anything burn — i'm just exhausted, and stressed, and losing sleep over a business that ultimately does not care for the people that made it a reality. i could not in good conscience not say something, because while i was very lucky that my time there was short and while i made friends there that i believe i will take with me for the rest of my life, i've never been someone who can sit and watch others be mistreated so blatantly and just ignore it. i honestly and sincerely hope that moving forward, things change, but after what i've seen i have very little hope left in me. this isn't just about the exploitation of people, or just about not providing people with payment for their work — it's about treating other human beings who are killing themselves and working themselves to the bone with the very minimum of care and respect. it's about people who made the qsmp what it is being discarded and disrespected constantly, and who live in fear and anxiety. these people deserve to be treated well, and that lack of respect hasn't changed regardless of any "announcements" made. my heart and full and complete support goes out to everyone who is dealing with these very unfortunate circumstances and treatment (my dms are always open if you ever want to reach out), to léa for being so incredibly brave and putting herself in the line of fire for the tens of people still in the studio, to all the actors and the twitter teams for the absolute silence they've received as payment for their hard work over almost a year, and to pomme's admin who despite what's going around on twitter has not received any contact from anyone in the studio yet, and deserves so so much better.
it’s my most sincere hope that qsmp thrives and conditions change, because everyone there deserves that. everyone there deserves to be treated like gold because they’re some of the best people i’ve ever met. i wish it didn’t feel like we have to put ourselves in the line of fire publicly for any sort of response because clearly staying silent hasn’t helped anything.
please, support the people who spoke out and support the people still in the project. they're the ones who made the qsmp the qsmp. they're the ones you should be standing with first and foremost.
#qsmp#qadmins#i'm so sorry guys but i personally don't feel comfortable tagging this with like discourse or neg#but <3 i will not be offended / upset if you use those tags if you talk about this#aaaaaaaaa
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streamer!ellie
been seein this everywhere n i wanna partake!! ( º﹃º ) the usual bad grammar. not proofread. scared as shit to post this ENJOY!!!
streamer!ellie who met you over a game of fortnite. bear with me i haven't played fortnite in years. she ended up playing teams with you, hearing you talk shit made her and her stream love you!!! you two played quite a few rounds that day...From Then On....god if i got any of that right
streamer!ellie meeting you for the first time was a whole ordeal. she streamed the whole thing??? sweating buckets. spewing nonsense to her chat. this girl was NERVOUS. "Chat. Chat. I'm Scared. Chat Please."
streamer!ellie i can't decide if she's always shown her face or if she Was faceless at one point. but let's just say for shits n giggles the first time she showed her face Was the meeting u stream. "Big Things Are Comin'...Gunna Make Money Moves."
streamer!ellie she was so damn nervous for the face reveal. it was so awkward on her part. someone asked her what she was wearing and said "u know just a calm luh fit."
streamer!ellie let me talk about this real quick. you n ellie started dating Way before chat ever found out. obviously they had hints. aka the entire meeting u stream. she revealed it on accident when she called u babe and the whole chat basically said SAY WHAT!!!! so she had to confess....come clean if u will...
streamer!ellie starts all of her streams with "Hello All."
streamer!ellie OKOK THIS IS JUST PROJECTION ON MY PART BUT this girl cannot let go of "i i i be poppin bottles" she thinks it's so funny to play it at random points in her streams
streamer!ellie as for the games she plays i think she just likes to play whatever her stream tells her to. but she rage quits a lot...so. anyways i think if she had to pick her favorites it'd probably be dbd or any of the resident evil games. maybe even silent hill. but with you she loves to play minecraft!!! n you two even have a server with all your friends!!! she loves to see you interacting with her chat it's so special to her T . T
streamer!ellie when she walks away from her stream, you like to play pranks on her with chat. one time you told chat to ask what was behind her when she came back. she screamed in fear when she seen 'What's that behind you?' "WHAT IS WHAT?! WHAT IS WHAT?!?" she didn't turn around that whole stream.
streamer!ellie when she does just chatting streams all she talks about is you. "well my girlfriend-" "yeah my girlfriend-". she just loves u she wants to mention u as much as she can!!!! the amount of edits chat has made of you two...ellie had a stream where all she did was go through her discord and watch edits.
streamer!ellie chat loves you possibly more than they love ellie. 9 times outta 10 if ur with her, ur gunna get ur picture taken. borderline ur fans. they add u in group chats n stuff n sometimes u pop in to say hey!! and they never let it go.
streamer!ellie when she released merch she had u model :((((
streamer!ellie when u stay with her and she ends up playing something, she has a little place just for you to lay!!! it's like one of them big bean bags. it's right by her set up n sometimes stream catches her jus lookin at u :333
her username is elwilli cuz it's funny anyways enjoy these pics that are streamer!ellie coded
maybe one day i'll write more. anyways. bye
#ellie williams#ellie williams x reader#lesbian#the last of us#wlw#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams x female reader#ellie x reader#ellie x fem reader#ellie williams au#tlou#tlou2#streamer ellie
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A Crown of Ink : Chapter 12 - Six of Cups, Reversed
summary : holidays are over, and the trip to demacia starts off quite particularly. also, be prepared for two new characters to be introduced in this
content warnings : none lmfao, BOO forced proximity, BOO um speaking heart to heart? feelings are scary man
word count : 9.4k
author's note : okay after much emotional torment i'm HERE! i changed campus in the mean time and am about to get back to school soon, so i thought i could let y'all get this piece of food in the mean time since chances are i won't be able to post in a while - as always, i have no clue of whether this is good or not IM JUST A GIRL OKAY
NOT proofread for now
masterlist : here ..discord : here ..playlist : here
The holiday had gone well, you and Eris having taken advantage of the money Jayce had given you before the masquerade to spend afternoons shopping and exploring. You weren't particularly proud of the gesture, but if he was, according to Eris's reading, perfectly well off financially, then perhaps you could afford to be a little selfish.
You had roamed almost every street in Piltover, entering an unimaginable number of shops and hanging around to buy pastries and other delicacies.
Eris was partly stared at by her few piercings, but she didn't really care. The Pilties could call her a louse all they wanted and she wouldn't even hear them.
She had bought new notebooks which she used for her personal Tarot readings, Piltover's paper being transcendently different from Zaun's. The two of you went round bookshops, buying a variety of works, both historical and fictional, and leaving with bags full of new tomes to add to your personal libraries.
The goodbyes came too quickly for your liking, as per usual. After spending a long night talking about everything and nothing, as you always did, and sacrificing your sleep for the pleasure of longer company, you walked Eris back to the bridge.
You hugged each other tightly, promising to send each other letters as you always did, and parted again. You'd waited until she'd reached the end of the bridge before waving goodbye and turning away.
You had returned to the emptiness of your flat, regaining the feeling that lived with you just a few months ago. No flatmate, no friends in the building, just you and your thoughts.
It was strange. The routine that had so quickly settled into your life had profoundly upset your principles, and now that you were momentarily back to them, you had no desire to be here.
Of course you appreciated your solitude, your possibility of having time just for yourself, without no one else around. But everything had undergone a metamorphosis, like a snake shedding its old skin and leaving it somewhere for someone to come back and see the slimness of its silhouette and admire its evolution.
You felt sorry for your old carcass, what was left of it was miserable and it seemed impossible to get rid of it entirely. The paint still hadn't dried on the walls of your soul and your mind, and you wondered when the day would come when you'd finally be able to hang pictures on them without staining anything.
Fortunately for you, however, Sky arrived a few days after Eris had left and gave you a hug. She had loosened up and backed away from you when she remembered that she had a cold and didn't want to give it to you.
You chatted a bit about your holiday before the last weekend of the break came and you went back to work.
Pearl finally found you again and took you in her arms, her new perfume permeating the whole room with an exquisite blend of jasmine and geraniums.
"What happened to you?" She asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You look good!"
You smiled at her. "Did you see yourself? I don't think any customer will be able to give you their order in one go from your charm."
She grinned, giggling. "I never thought you were born without a frown," she remarked as she passed behind the counter, "you have to tell me your secret."
You hadn't really changed anything aesthetically, but you felt that something was profoundly better, like a constant relief that enveloped your shoulders.
The other morning's discussion with Viktor had given you a different perspective. You expected to see him at every street corner, to hear the distinct sound of his cane on the parquet floor of the café and for him to approach the counter to ask you for his usual mocha in a walnut-cracking accent, his lips closing his sentence to forbid any possible rebuttal.
You wondered if he would stick to the last clause, and therefore come and visit you at the café during this last weekend, unless he was finally enjoying not having to put up with your nonsense any more.
You finally imitated Pearl and joined her behind the counter.
"No secret," you said as you made sure your apron was neatly tied, "just the fresh relief of being on holiday. Oh and the exciting dread of going on a trip."
"You? Getting out of this place?" She questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.
You made sure the condiment stand was perfectly arranged. "If you have any gift ideas you'd like to get from Demacia, I will try my best to get it for you."
"Demacia?" Pearl exclaimed. "What's your visit to the White City worth?"
"A class trip, something to strengthen the ties between Piltover Academy and Demacia Academy apparently," you recited.
"I've always found Demacians pretentious and with a very black-and-white mentality with no in-betweens," Pearl remarked with a shrug, "but I envy some of their seaside scenery. Don't bother with plants or anything, theirs are temperamental and real calamities to maintain. Just like their guys."
You smiled, arching an eyebrow. "Did you have a fling with one of them?"
She sighed. "I don't really hear from him any more, it turns out he ended up in prison and I left the White City to move here instead."
You frowned. "In prison?"
"You heard perfectly," she smiled, "of course I had my rebellious side back then. But what can I say? He was handsome, intelligent, captivating..."
"Another second and I find you leaning over the counter, your cheek in your palm as you curl a lock of hair around your finger thoughtfully like a schoolgirl." You smiled, imitating the gesture as she pressed her fist against your shoulder.
"Haha," she laughed falsely, "mock me. We'll talk about it again when you too have someone your eyes are looking for in every room you go into."
Your smile faded at this simple phrase, straightening as you tried to pretend that her remark hadn't affected you. However, nothing escaped your colleague's sharp gaze.
"Did I..." her eyes crinkled as her lips stretched into a mischievous smile, "did I hit a nerve."
"There's nothing to hit," you sighed as you uselessly ran your hands over your uniform to pretend to smooth out the creases.
She gazed at you for a moment, her eyes gracefully made up with a light brown shadow surrounding you.
"Is it Jayce?"
You giggled. "What? No, plus," you leaned towards her, "sorry to break your chances but he is already taken."
"With such a face I would have been worried if it had been otherwise."
The café doors opened before Pearl could say anything more about the situation, the first customer entering and your day finally beginning.
Yet as the day wore on, you kept coming back to Pearl's words.
Why were you seeing Viktor everywhere?
You found him in the Mochas you served, the dark brown of the coffee reminding you of his hair, his smell, the faith of waking up to warmth.
You found him in the violet of the falling night, in the pansy flowers that persisted through the winter, in the fabric of your masquerade dress that you sometimes pinched between your fingers in the morning while deciding what to wear.
You found him in the amber of the hall fire, in the candles of the street lamps that guided you home, in the sun that caressed you in the morning and bid you farewell in a show of colour in the evening.
He haunted you, even in his absence.
The remedy for this came soon enough, however, when the day of departure arrived, and your whole class gathered on the zeppelin arrival docks. An army of students bundled up in scarves, hats and mittens swarmed around as the sun barely rose, tracing the gargantuan silhouette of your means of transport.
Of all the zeppelins moored on the quays, The Young Prince was the most massive. Of a length that you couldn't even make out from where you were standing, it bore its name in capital gold letters that stood out brightly against its creamy colour. You remember hearing that it was a technological feat that drastically cut travel times. What's more, it, which was usually used to move heavier goods, would go faster given that for this journey it would only be carrying you.
"Come closer, come closer!" Heimerdinger called, having made his way onto a cubic container about your size so that the group could see him properly.
With his fur, he didn't seem to suffer from the cold, apart from his nose and ears which were a little redder than their usual pink.
"All right," he clapped his hands together when he had your attention, "first of all, hello everyone."
The class replied with meagre hellos, their voices tired. Your eyes searched Viktor and Jayce for a moment before returning to those of Heimerdinger once you'd understood you couldn't find them yet.
"We are going to go over a few details of our trip aboard The Young Prince here, so that our little group stands on the same wavelength. First of all," he raised a gloved finger in the air, "the speed of this prestigious machine will have the privilege of getting us to Demacia by tomorrow morning. The journey will therefore be one day, and one night, and that's why we're going to leave it up to you to choose your cabin partner."
You'd fully expected to find yourself sleeping during the journey, and the possibility of sharing a cabin with someone had of course percolated through your mind. When you turned to Sky, however, Orceylia had already attached herself to her arm.
Although you weren't particularly thrilled about this, you were expecting it. The fact that you lived with her and therefore already spent a lot of time with her must have been the winning argument for you to end up like this.
"Professor, can the cabins be mixed?" A classmate asked.
Heimerdinger nodded, bringing his hands behind his back. "The cabins are indeed co-ed."
Some of the classmates looked at each other with knowing glances before Heimerdinger resumed his explanation.
"I would ask you, however, to choose wisely, given that the duo you will form with your partner will remain the same during our stay." He took a small step to the side. "As part of your, how shall I put it... ah! Immersion, you will be assigned to another pair of Demacian Academy students who will be your guides during our stay."
That's all we needed, you thought. You weren't too keen on the idea of socialising, but you could see how it could potentially enrich your academic life.
"Well, I'll leave you free to go on board and choose your cabins with your fellow traveller," he chirped, "we will have plenty of time to discuss your stay and what is in store for us on the journey."
Without further ado, the students began to move forward, and you had no idea who your travelling partner would be.
It was then that a tall brunette head emerged from the crowd, accompanied by his eternal sidekick, chatting away.
Viktor had his back to you, and Jayce was talking to him, his face tucked into his collar as his gaze met yours. He smiled at you, waving and coming towards you as Viktor turned.
His eyes landed on you, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest.
"Come there," Jayce laughed as he came to hug you, having not had a chance to see you for a while.
His thick arms held you so tightly he could have broken your ribs. "Your comfort will be short-lived if you don't let me breathe," you managed to mumble.
"Oh," he stepped back, suddenly aware of his strength, "sorry."
Viktor reached your level in turn, your eyes settling on him with a small smile.
"Hey."
He smiled at you back, "Hey."
"Are you sharing your cabin with Sky?" Jayce inquired.
You shrug. "No, she's already got someone else."
"Great!" He exclaimed.
You arch an eyebrow. "Great?"
"I mean," he laughed nervously as his eyes darted between you and Viktor before he put his hand on Viktor's shoulder, "Viktor doesn't have a cabin partner! Why don't you guys just temporarily become roommates?"
"Jayce," Viktor began, "I don't think forcing this choice on Miss would be appropriate-"
"I'm sure everything will work out just fine," he smiled, turning to you, "what do you say?"
You pursed your lips, apprehensive to contradict him, but immediately closed them in consideration. It was only for one night, in a bunk bed, sleeping. Nothing more, nothing less surely.
"I thought you were as inseparable as a fingernail and a finger," you remarked as you exchanged glances with Viktor.
The latter parted his lips for a moment as he turned to Jayce.
"It seems my dearest work partner has found a subterfuge to escape my impossibly clingy attitude," he commented with a sigh.
"Hey don't say that!" Jayce snarled at the sarcasm. "You're the one that refuses hugs, not me."
"You refused a Jayce hug?" You asked, falsely shocked.
"He obviously put aside the fact that he could break any of us like a toothpick," he sighed.
"Which is exactly the reason why I'm not sharing a cabin with you." Jayce turned to you. "I've already had a chance to visit the ship upstream, the beds are too short for me. I have to sleep on the bottom mattress so my feet don't dangle out into the void for my cabin mate."
You understood the situation. Given that Viktor wouldn't be able to climb the ladder leading to the top mattress without immense discomfort, it was preferable that he occupy the bottom place, which could prove to be a slight problem if Jayce, who was easily the size of a fridge, had to take the top bunk.
"Alright," you nodded.
Both men turned to you, Jayce asking first. "Alright?"
You shrugged, resting your eyes on Viktor's. "I don't mind sharing cabins with you."
Viktor seemed as stunned as Jayce that you'd agreed, especially as the latter seemed taken aback by the simple fact that you hadn't glared at Viktor even once since the start of this conversation.
"Are you sure?" Viktor asked anyway.
You nodded. "Yes."
"Really? Because," he shrugged, his hand readjusting on his cane, "if you don't that is profoundly understandable you know?"
You chuckled. "Why would that be understandable?"
"I should probably point out," Jayce pointed out, "that until recently you wanted to threaten him with salt or poison his coffee."
"Glad it's something that can remain in the past then," you replied, nodding and raising your eyebrows.
Jayce seemed deeply confused, his head continually swivelling between Viktor and you. "Did I miss something?"
"No," Viktor laughed softly, lowering his head and swinging his cane slightly against the floor.
"Plus I don't think I should be in danger with Viktor in my cabin," you added.
The latter returned your gaze. "Really? What makes you think you would be so safe?"
You let a playful smile spread across your face. "What're you going to do? Pounce on me?"
"Don't be so quick to think of this possibility as evitable," he straightened, chin high as his half-closed eyes remained on yours, "we still haven't had our chance to race after all."
"Race?" Jayce repeated, seeming to sink deeper and deeper into the quicksand of confusion. "Don't tell me you guys are in another competitive state again."
"I don't know who would win," you smiled, "that would be very close..."
But the words you were hoping to form faded from your lips as a blonde head you knew all too well came into your field of vision.
Tyler, dressed in a long coat and turtleneck, advanced with a clenched jaw towards the small bridge leading to the airship. He didn't offer you a glance, but your eyes had enough time to notice a purple mark on his cheekbone.
If your eyes weren't deceiving you, it was indeed a huge haematoma spreading across his cheek. This time, however, you had no recollection of having been the reason behind it.
"What happened to him?" You asked.
Jayce and Viktor turned to him in turn, Jayce sighing.
"Since when to you care about his state?" Viktor inquired.
"I don't," you corrected, "I'm just curious."
Jayce shook his head slightly. "From what I heard from Mel," he raised his fingers, looking at you both, "and don't tell anyone you heard that from me from her, it looks like Hoskel's been trying to correct some of Tyler's behaviour."
"Wouldn't be too late." You crossed your arms as you watched the blond's silhouette enter the airship. "Which behaviours exactly?"
"I think your little presentation to Councillor Hoskel at the masquerade and the eventual link made by his idiotic brain between the first time Tyler came back with a broken nose and you are of effect."
"Hmm," you hummed, biting the inside of your cheek lightly.
You had no empathy for him, he'd disgusted you enough to last a lifetime, but it was deeply strange to see him like this. Violence, no matter where it came from, was always an alien on someone else's skin.
"I think we should get on The Young Prince before he leaves without us and all the cabins are taken," suggested Viktor, beginning his walk towards it.
You followed him, Jayce and Viktor's poor sense of direction in linear spaces clearly getting the better of them as you took the lead to guide them. Heimerdinger was there, making the roll call and ensuring that all the students were present.
Once this was done, the students dispersed, each returning to the cabins they had begun to occupy. Jayce rejoined his sleeping partner, leaving you and Viktor to look for a cabin. You finally found an empty one, and beckoned Viktor to come in.
The space wasn't large. It was a small long room with no windows, simply furnished with a bunk bed, a small wardrobe for longer journeys, and the luxury of a tap and mirror.
The toilets were apparently at the end of the corridor, and you'd probably be without showers for the whole of this short trip to save water.
You trudged along, bringing your suitcase to the side of the bed. The space was far too small, but it wasn't for comfort, it was simply to get through the night so you could get on with your task.
You turned to Viktor, who also seemed to be observing the cabin with no particular expression.
“You don't snore, do you?” You questioned, removing your scarf and placing it on your mattress.
He shrugged, his eyes still roaming the few elements in the room before regaining your gaze. “No, however you talk in your sleep.”
You recoiled in confusion, as Sky had never mentioned this detail before. “I what?”
He stepped forward, passing in front of you. “When you had your fever,” he sat down on the bottom mattress with a heavy sigh, “you kept mumbling things in your sleep.”
You chuckled, crossing your arms over your chest. “I was delirious, that doesn't make it a recurring occurrence.”
“Does it now?” You recognized his playful tone of condescension elegantly disguised as levity.
You tilted your head down slightly, chewing your cheek to prevent a smile from spreading too far across your lips. “Careful, Moravec,” you emphasized, ”Tyler might not have received his purple stain from me but that doesn't mean your favourite colour needs to lay on your face as well.”
He came to rest his chin on his cane, pensive for a moment without finding your gaze. “You had no difficulty wearing it to the masquerade, though,” he remarked, regaining your eyes.
Your cheeks warmed slightly and you decided to shed your coat and hang it on one of the corners of the bed. “What's this got to do with anything?”
“It has to do with everything,” he confirmed.
“I didn't know purple had such power,” you breathed.
“It's not the things themselves that have power, it's we who give them power.”
“What a transcendent and revolutionary philosophy, it's well worth a few lyrical songs and a quotation in yet another modern collection of two-bit poetry.”
He smiles, playful. “I'd mention your name in the credit of that work, which is sure to make me excessively rich with young ladies.”
You chuckled, the vision of middle-school girls scrambling to get hold of the book and crying that very evening over pithily simple and mediocre quotes. “I hope the cover is purple then.”
He nodded, smiling. You couldn't help but feel relief, a pleasant reunion that reassured you and filled you with joy. Your useless little quarrels and verbal jousts had changed little, and you found more enthusiasm in them than you would have thought.
You had wondered whether time and distance would change you, make you... awkward around each other. But it didn't, and the familiarity of this strange complicity covered your heart with warmth.
The vehicle began to shake, the take-off had begun. You turned to him.
“Wanna race to the windows?”
He laughed softly in a hum. “I think I'll pass on this one,” he sighed before lying back on his mattress, ”short night calls for a short nap.”
You nodded. “See you at lunch then?”
“See you at lunch, Miss.”
You smiled, strangely missing the appellation on his lips, even if the origin of the nickname seemed dubious. You'd long thought it was just another nickname, a polite etiquette. He did call Sky that after all, and so did she. But there was something, a secret truth, a whisper ready to burst near your ear and your heart that would explain everything.
You left the cabin, joining the other students in what appeared to be a large common space.
Despite its industrial appearance and more-than-welcoming, useful nature, the Young Prince's overall space was not unpleasant. On the sides of the room, large bay windows gave you an unobstructed view of the sunrise, which covered all the clouds in a layer of cottony orange.
A few sofas and armchairs were arranged and had no doubt been moved by the students for better immersion. Card games were already out on one side, while a small group of students surrounded Heimerdinger, listening to his rantings.
Sky beckoned you to join her on the sofa for a game of cards, and you smiled as you reached her.
The day had gone by faster than you'd expected. After many games of cards, it was time for lunch, which had been prepared for you by the crew. Viktor finally joined you at this point, an unearthed man's head accompanying him in an equally energetic gait.
Jayce came over to him, putting his hand on his shoulder and urging him over to one of the windows leading outside, Viktor seeming to tense up instantly. Perhaps he was afraid of heights? Or airsick?
The departure had been an assembly of sensations to take in, the floor vibrated slightly, and the ventilation left a continuous muffled sound in the air, like that of an air leak or an old refrigerator. But you'd forgotten both by force of habit.
The rest of the day was taken up with a lecture by Professor Heimerdinger on the various regions you were flying over and their histories, interspersed here and there with anecdotes from his own travels that allowed you to lift your quills from your papers for a moment.
It was already getting dark outside when his class was over, and a little historical lesson this time about the Young Prince was presented to you, which you could only partially listen to.
The truth is, you were feeling very distracted. Your eyes and thoughts kept returning to Viktor, as if they were drawn to him like magnets and you couldn't shake the feeling.
Was it just some kind of compensation? Like a way of lightening the invisible balance of not having seen or crossed paths with him for a long time?
But a week wasn't such a long time, was it? It was only a handful of days, just a little while during which you hadn't seen him, heard him or exchanged with him.
All in all, now that you thought about it, it had seemed like an eternity.
You pushed the thought from your mind, trying to divert your gaze to the nighttime outside, and take your mind off things by playing a few more games of cards until dinnertime came and went, and bedtime took its place.
And that inevitably you'd find yourself with him to endure in the same room for an entire night.
When you returned to your room, Viktor was already there. He had propped his cane against the bed's ladder while his long fingers worked on the buttons of his uniform jacket.
Your eyes lingered for a moment on their movement, their meticulous, habitual pinching, pushing dark, shiny disks out of their housings as he shed his jacket and moved on to his shirt. Your cheeks heated for a moment, straining to look away and reach for your suitcase to open it and grab your toiletry bag.
You felt his gaze on you, kneeling on the floor as you grabbed your toothbrush and toothpaste to face the sink. In the reflection, you saw the pale, mole-strewn skin of Viktor's torso.
He wasn't as thin as you'd thought. He didn't necessarily have bulging muscles the size of tree trunks like Jayce, but he wasn't devoid of muscle. He was lean.
When he offered you his back in sight as he sat down to open his suitcase and grab his pajamas for the night, you noticed a small metallic sliver stretching across his back like bolts along an arch.
You'd heard of this kind of procedure, a spinal fusion, an operation aimed at straightening the spine and preventing it from drifting into deformity.
You could imagine that Viktor's posture wasn't intact, that his leaning on his cane must have greatly impacted the tension in his muscles due to the lack of support.
“I can feel you staring at me,” he remarked as he slipped on his top, ”You aren't being subtle, you know.”
Your cheeks heated with embarrassment as you lowered your eyes and deposited a line of toothpaste on the straight bristles of your toothbrush.
“Sorry,” was all you managed to say as you stuffed the brush into your mouth, tucking your free hand under your elbow as you began to brush.
But your eyes inevitably fell back on the back of his head, on his hair, slightly messy after his nap. What would it be like the next morning when you woke up?
“Are you trying to piece a hole in my skull?”
You smiled slightly, removing your toothbrush from your mouth to articulate despite the foam. “Is it working?”
You couldn't see his face, but from where you were you could see his cheekbones rise. “I guess the only way to find out is for you to continue doing so, which would bring me ultimately to ask - why are you staring at me?”
You let your toothbrush hang in the air for a moment, the freshness of your toothpaste invading your mouth and almost anesthetizing it.
“Just wondering,” you finally say, before bringing it back into your mouth and simply speeding your brushing.
He then stood up, pants in hand. “Wondering about what?”
You stopped brushing again, sighing as your gaze met Viktor's in the mirror, taking your toothbrush out of your mouth once more.
“Wondering when you're going to ask me to close my eyes,” you replied, your eyes landing on his pants as you resumed brushing.
He smiled, slightly surprised all the same. Surely he was expecting to have to go to the toilet at the end of the corridor and bother trying to change in a very small and uncomfortable space.
“That would be now,” he affirmed.
You nodded, spitting into the sink before turning to the nearest corner of the room and lowering your head.
“Tell me when you're done,” you noted simply before resuming your toothbrushing.
He said nothing, the silence simply inhabited by your brushing in the room taking over before you heard the distinguishable thud of a cloth settling on a blanket. You heard the distinct sound of a metal belt buckle being clutched, and of fabric flowing down thighs to end in a heap of folds. You could hear him grabbing his other pair of pants, of a fabric already lighter than the academy pants, and slipping them on.
“Done,” he announced simply.
You returned to the sink as if nothing had happened, trying as best you could to avoid his gaze, but feeling it on you you couldn't help but meet his eyes again.
It was, of course, the first time you'd seen Viktor in his pyjamas. A simple loose-fitting t-shirt and loose-fitting brown plaid pants. You'd never seen him in such relaxed clothes, but the snag was that one of your own pyjamas you'd brought along was almost identical.
“Did you go through my stuff?” You asked as you finished cleaning your teeth and rinsed your mouth one last time.
“What?” He asked, confused by this remark.
You sighed, looking at his outfit for a moment. “Turn around, I'm gonna change.”
He nodded, asking no more questions and turning around, imitating you and lowering his head. You couldn't help noticing that he had a more defined back than you'd expected, under his black T-shirt.
You grabbed your pajamas, shedding your uniform in turn.
“Why would I go through your stuff?” He asked, still motionless as you finally took off your shirt and felt the air in the room stick against your skin.
You slipped the top on quickly, switching to your belt buckle. “You will understand soon.”
Your pants fell into a heap of folds on the floor, which you pushed with the tip of your foot before slipping your pants on your legs one by one and tightening the drawstring so that they wouldn't fall.
You watched him for a moment, his back to you. He seemed so far from the academic you knew, and a warmth settled for a moment in your belly just at the thought of how being friends with him outside of the frame of the Academy settled warmly near your heart.
“You can look now,” you finally said, surprisingly nervous.
He turned, and raised his eyebrows. His eyes returned to yours for a moment, as if for confirmation that this wasn't some kind of joke, before continuing their observation.
He seemed to part his lips for a moment, as if to say something, but nothing came as he closed them again. His eyes watched his own outfit, surprised.
“How could it be the same color as well...” he said, almost absently.
“Did you go through my stuff?” You asked again.
His eyes returned to you. “Do I look like the kind of guy that would go through your stuff?”
You sighed. “No,” you admitted.
He couldn't help but laugh softly for a moment, however, before turning away from you and sitting down on his bed.
“What?” You asked, confused by his laughter.
He chuckled softly before reaching into his satchel and pulling out a book for the night.
“It seems that whatever happens fate always finds a way to bring us back on the same level,” he smiled, exchanging a glance with you before pulling open the tucked-in blanket and slipping under it.
You weren't in the mood to sleep yet, or to stop talking to him, strangely enough.
You came to cross your arms, hooking your leg in front of the other as you pressed your shoulder against the ladder of your bunk bed.
He was watching you, waiting for what you were going to say. You held his gaze for a moment before lowering it, biting the inside of your cheek as the floor seemed a much better conversation companion.
“You didn't come to the café at all,” you confessed.
He was half-sitting up in bed, leaning on one elbow as he watched you. He seemed surprised, as if some deeply sad news had just been delivered.
“We had to unpack a bit too many boxes,” he explained.
You shrugged, tentatively regaining his eyes. “I could have helped.”
“You were with your friend,” he emphasized with a gentle smile, ”it would have been rude to disturb her stay by depriving her of your presence.”
You rolled your eyes, remembering the number of elbows Eris kept nudging you with as she urged you to go and find them eventually. “I doubt my presence would have made that much difference.”
“Believe me, it would have,” Viktor admitted.
You straightened up. “What do you mean?”
“I don't think you've ever tasted Jayce's coffee, and I hope you never experience it, or rather, the torture of it.” He grabbed his book, settling back against his pillow as he gained his page. “Jayce was so fed up with my wincing that he finally suggested the idea of hiring you as our personal barista.”
“Really?” You chuckled lightly as you imagined Jayce's face breaking down as each attempt he made at his coffees was perpetually punctuated by a frown from his sidekick. “How's it paid.”
“We give you a little paper for each day and we add these gold star stickers on for all your good coffees until you get unlimited access to Heimerdinger's lab.”
Your eyebrows jumped to the ceiling. “You guys have access to his lab?”
Viktor abandoned his reading to regain your gaze. “His previous assistant, remember?
The discussion you'd had with him a few weeks ago before the exams came back to mind, your fingers tingling under the memory of his wrist in your hand.
“Ah,” you remarked, ”right.”
A short moment passed during which neither of you said anything. You remembered that discussion so well, how could you forget it when it had been so profoundly decisive?
You were about to climb the ladder to your bed before he broke the silence.
“Why were you so adamant about being first all the time?”
You paused in your movements, your hands resting on the ladder's handrails as the question stirred a bitter feeling in your stomach.
“Was it just pure perfectionism? Or... something else?”
You regained his gaze, inhaling harshly. “Something else,” you confirmed.
“Which was?” He asked.
Sure, you were friends with Viktor, but were you really ready to open up to him on this subject?
“I can't tell you yet,” you sighed, pressing your lips into a thin line, ”but... I guess once you hit the ground really hard you never really want to jump from that cliff again.”
Her eyes tried to pierce you, to detect beneath the innuendo and your enigmatic answers the truth so shy and distant.
“Hmm,” he hummed before lowering his eyes to his book.
Part of you wanted to talk to him about it, for him to understand the genesis of your intentions, but you didn't feel up to facing this yet. It was too soon.
When you finally climbed into bed and picked up your own book for the evening, you couldn't help thinking about the card you'd drawn that very morning.
The six of cups had seemed so sweet to you, with its little illustration of cups full of flowers. The description of it, however, came less close to softness as the card came out upside down - reversed.
Gifts from the heart. A walk down memory lane. Kindness. Sharing. Protection.
Two children share a cup in a walled town. Flowers grow from the cups, implying growth and manifestation in the real world. The silhouette of an adult man, perhaps a soldier, moves away, suggesting that this is a space of youth. Old situations disappear. The exchange of cups between children reflects the gift of the heart.
Only this description didn't seem to be enough for you, and you searched through your belongings for one of the Tarot explanation books Selene had passed you.
The Six of Cups Reversed appears as a reminder to break free from nostalgic sentiments that may be holding us back. In its reversed position, this card signals unresolved issues from the past that we must confront and release in order to move forward. It urges us to let go of old patterns, memories, and attachments that no longer serve our growth. Instead of living in the past, we are encouraged to embrace the present moment and look towards the future with a sense of renewed optimism.
But you couldn't unravel the threads of the past, couldn't untangle them and free yourself from their oppressive embrace. You sincerely hoped, however, that one day you'd be able to break free, to extricate yourself from this spider's web whose mistress was no more.
You turned off the lamp right next to you on the wall, unable to swallow a single line of text in your book.
“Sleeping already, Miss?” you heard just below you.
You sighed. “No, I'm too busy having a conversation with the ceiling right now.”
“Really?” You could hear the smile on his lips. “What is it saying?”
“I don't know, I don't speak ceiling,” you smiled stupidly in turn, ”I just listen to him and nod not to hurt his feelings.”
“How thoughtful of you.” He turned a page in his own book.
“What can I say, I wear my heart on my sleeve.”
He chuckled. “That you do.”
You leaned to the side, protruding from your bunk bed to look at him playfully.
“Was that sarcasm or a generic statement?”
He didn't even turn from the lines of the book to observe you. “A bit of both.”
“How is that a bit of both?”
He sighed, lowering his book to look at you this time. “You're willing to give me free coffee and use your meager vacation time to come and help us move boxes out of our apartment, but if I remember correctly not long ago you flatly refused to pass me a single candle."
You rolled your eyes. “That's because you were forcing on with the magic words.”
“Politeness is no mean feat,” he pointed out before taking up his book again, ”obviously with you anyway.”
“Please and Thank Yous are not meagre things to throw in the air,” you sighed, ”they're words, they have weight on all things. I can't use them haphazardly with the wrong people.”
“Of that I am aware, Miss.”
The underlining of your nickname made your skin itch like nettles.
“When are you going to tell me why you call me that?” you questioned, shaking your head.
“I don't call you just that, i call you Miss,” he corrected.
“Fine,” your eyes rolled into their sockets, “when are you going to tell me why you call me Miss?”
“Once I will know why you were so adamant on being first.”
It was a war of stubbornness, two obstinate relentless people who wouldn't give in for anything in the world. You chuckled, letting yourself fall back into bed with a heavy sigh.
“Have a good night, Miss."
You stirred under your blanket. “Have a night, Moravec.”
There was a moment of silence before you felt a thump under your mattress, hitting right in your back.
“Hey!” You huffed indignantly as you leaned to the side again to stare at him.
He had his cane in hand, depositing it back on the floor as if nothing had happened.
“Are you trying to destroy our pseudo-friendship?” you articulated.
His brows furrowed before his eyes met yours again. “Pseudo? Since when did we demote to the term pseudo?”
You bit the inside of your cheek. This had never been the case, but the fact that he had a reaction when it came to this detail softened you slightly.
“Fine,” you nodded in agreement, ”we haven't demoted.”
But he wasn't about to let this one go, leaning over the side of his bed so he didn't have to tilt his head to talk to you every time. “What would confirm our friendship in your eyes?”
The question left you speechless. What did you want from this friendship? Was it attention? Time? Complicity?
Seeing you dwell on the subject, he squinted. “New clause to the the friendship clause list, we shall always be honest to each other, no matter how much it hurts.”
“I wasn't about to lie,” you corrected.
“Alright then tell me,” Viktor demanded.
“I...” you began, but what did you really want?
Never before had you had a friendship like this one, having had such a different and complex arrival in your life as Viktor, and you found yourself bereft of reference points.
“I don't want our friendship to be rushed,” you admitted, "I know I'm not the easiest to be around, nor the nicest, but," a small piece of skin rising from around one of your fingernails had your full attention as you tried to get rid of it, ”I really want to be your friend. I think I...” you sighed before regaining his gaze, ”I admire you, Viktor. Truly. And I know it's going to take me a while before I can consider myself as your equal and accept that someone like me can be the friend of someone like you.”
His lips parted, his eyes blinking a few times. Maybe you'd said something stupid after all.
Your cheeks warmed, and you looked away, ready to lie down. “Forget it.”
“I admire you too.”
You froze in your tracks, your eyes finding his again. They were soft, sincere.
“What?” The word came out of your mouth, feeling as if you'd heard it wrong and simply couldn't take in the information.
His chest swelled with a deep breath. “You,” he began, his eyes resting on the cover of his book, his index finger tracing the ridges of its leather binding, “you are always so determined, so invested in every matter whether big or small. It felt like you were...” his eyes returned to yours, rising to your height, ”unreachable.”
Your heart felt soft, his revelations taking it between warm palms that caressed and coddled it, whispering sweet words you'd never heard and had to discover with gentleness and not stupor.
“The reason why I kept coming to you and try to speak with you was not out of spite of the consequence of my academic results on you, but because...” His eyes were soft in yours, his lips parted. “Who wouldn't want to have you as a friend?”
You felt a strange sensation around the back of your neck, trying to swallow the emotion that was about to twist your throat like a can.
You breathed in, smiling slightly and lowering your voice, hoping that your throat wouldn't hatch something that would brutally shatter this moment. “I'm not that great of a friend.”
He shrugged, “I mean,” his eyes returned to you with the crease of a smile, “you literally beat Tyler's ass after what he did in the hallway.”
You rolled your eyes. “That's because he deserved it.”
“And yet you were the only person who stepped in,” he emphasized, ”twice.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, reconsidering those moments.
“I don't see a single reason for me not to be your friend,” Viktor resumed.
You rested your cheek on the back of your hand. “I spoke to you horribly.”
“So did I,” he remarked.
“I treated you terribly.
“You were frustrated, anyone would react that way.”
“I threatened you,” you smiled.
“With spitting in my coffee and throwing salt at me. Pretty weak threats if you ask me,” he remarked, one eye crinkling as his lips formed an inverted smile.
You arched an eyebrow. “Challenging me to make better ones?”
He smirked, a flash of mischief crossing his eyes. “Do your worst.”
You smiled softly, a light laugh ricocheting in your throat without ever exceeding the limit of your lips. He sighed, his shoulders relaxing.
“I'm proud to be your friend,” he assured.
Your belly flooded with a warm sensation. A thin smile spread across your lips.
“I'm proud to be your friend too,” you confirmed.
You remained silent for a moment, seeming to soak up this truth, these mutually shared words and the clarifications they had brought to your doubts.
“Prouder than a Demacian?” He questioned maliciously.
You smiled with a sigh. “Let's not get patriotic already, we'll have the entire duration of this trip to taste the regret of coming here.”
“Fine,” Viktor admitted, dropping his book on the floor next to his cane, ”let's sleep to face our incoming enemies.”
You nodded, lying back in bed as Viktor turned off his light.
The room, now bathed in darkness, apart from its orange neon sign indicating where the door was, felt silent. You placed your hands on your belly, its warmth soft and new.
“Goodnight, Viktor,” you murmured.
“Goodnight, Miss,” you heard, a smile spreading his lips.
When the ship's general alarm sounded in the room, you woke up with a jolt. It wasn't a pleasant alarm to wake up to, and you hoped it wouldn't be repeated in the next few minutes.
You struggled out of your blanket, wearily climbing down the bed ladder and fumbling towards the sink mirror to admire the undoubtedly pathetic state in which the night had left you.
As you turned on the light, you heard a grunt. You turned towards the bed, Viktor stirring in his bed and folding his pillow over his head. You suppressed a laugh, grabbing your toothbrush to get rid of your morning breath and rearrange your appearance.
By the time you'd finished rinsing your mouth, Viktor was still asleep. You approached him.
“Hey, time to wake up,” you whispered.
He grumbled, lifting his pillow to see who had the audacity to speak to him. Realizing it was you, he promptly folded back his pillow with a sigh, drifting back to sleep. You smiled, imagining the mornings he and Jayce must have spent when Jayce had to drag Viktor out of bed.
“Want me to get you some coffee?” You suggested.
He stirred slightly, huffing. “Only if you make it.”
His voice was low, husky and hoarse with fatigue. You rolled your eyes. “On it.”
You turned off the mirror light, taking advantage of the room's darkness and the meager neon light to change out of his sight. Once this was done, you quietly left the room.
The corridor was deserted, the other students surely taking their time to wake up. You walked up to the general area, which was practically empty apart from the few members of staff. You approached the counter, asking very politely if you could use their coffee equipment, attesting that you worked in a café and wouldn't damage their material.
They gave you free rein, confirming however that they didn't really have any quality ingredients, just the basics needed for a trip. Still, you managed to find enough to make a mocha, and your usual coffee to wake you up.
The preparation took no time at all, accompanied by the sun waking up over the clouds outside. The world was slowly awakening, and the more or less upright students were already gathering in the common room as you headed back to your cabin, two coffees in hand.
On entering the room, Viktor had at least made the effort to sit up straight, his eyes staring into space and his hair wild. This time, the laughter was harder to suppress and you couldn't help but chuckle.
His eyes left their fictitious points to settle on you, squinting as he frowned.
“Are you mocking me?” He asked.
“I'm not,” you confirmed, stepping towards him, handing him his coffee.
“Why did you laugh then?” He asked, reaching for his cup.
You brought your own coffee to your lips, blowing on it with a smile. “Because of the state of your hair.”
He patted his hair with his free hand, feeling the cowlicks he was going to have to battle with his comb. He sighed at the prospect, bringing the coffee to his lips to take a sip.
He sighed at ease, humming a breath of relief.
“I forgive you,” he articulated.
“Jayce's coffee was that bad?” You sneered.
“No, but your coffee is too good,” he explained, ”my standards will never be the same again.”
There was a knock at the door, and you went to open it. Jayce stood behind it.
“Good morning,” he smiled, looking impeccable as always, ”how was your n- is that coffee?”
His eyes landed on your paper cup.
“Cheers,” Viktor added, raising his coffee cup in the air somewhere behind you.
Jayce's eyes landed on the latter, seeming outraged. “Where did you get those?”
“I made them,” you confirmed, taking a sip.
“Can I get one?” he asked.
“As if you needed to ask,” you smiled.
“Thank you,” he sighed with great relief, ”but first I'm on a mission to get this one out of bed.” He pointed at Viktor, who finally grabbed his cane to straighten up.
“No need,” the latter confirmed as he walked towards you both, ”the power of a great coffee has done enough to make me rise without a problem.”
You let Viktor change while you waited for him outside the cabin.
“So, how was the night?” Questionned Jayce.
“Slept fine, although I have to say the mattresses are really thin,” you replied, taking another sip of your coffee.
“I wasn't enquiring about the quality of your sleep, I was wondering if you and Viktor had a duel to death before sleep,” he corrected.
You shrugged. “Well both of us are still alive, so that must be a positive thing don't you think?”
“I guess,” he said, raising his eyebrows, ”you both seem to be doing oddly good.”
“I thought you'd be happy about that,” you remarked.
“I am, believe me,” Jayce corrected immediately, ”I guess I'm just... surprised that this is going so well all of a sudden.”
“Yeah,” you smiled, your eyes finding a point in the void as you thought back to your conversation last night, ”that's understandable.”
“Yeah,” he sighed, his eyes suddenly narrowing in confusion as his lips pouted, “what's this race thing by the way?”
Viktor came out at the same moment. “It's nothing for you to worry about,” he replied instead.
So you returned to the common room for the last bits of information you needed to know about the trip, Heimerdinger displaying his usual energy while half the class was still trying to extricate itself from the arms of sleep.
Your eyes drifted outside, the landscape having changed drastically. Valleys of white stone overlaid with green, while the clear blue water seemed to form a sea of sapphires.
You were sent back to your rooms to stow your suitcases as The Young Prince prepared to land.
“Think the duo we'll get assigned to will be good?” you asked as you and Viktor exited your cabin.
“They could never be better than us,” he asserted, to which you couldn't help but smile.
And so, at last, the small world of the entire class was reunited to exit the Young Prince, its airlock opening onto the small gangway leading you to the dock.
The air was fresh with the scent of flowers and sunshine brought to you by the wind from the sea.
Outside, a group of students were waiting for you, accompanied by what must have been the Academy's headmistress, whom Heimerdinger immediately came to greet. She was a tall, slender woman with long, straight features, her dress strict and asymmetrically impeccable. Her long chestnut braid hung to one side as she shook Heimerdinger's hand, her grey eyes crinkling as her thin lips smiled at him.
Her eyes overhung by fine eyebrows that were the least severe aspect of her face turned to your group once it was fully assembled.
“Welcome, dear students, to Demacia.” She had a flattened accent, her T's straighter against her teeth and her more pronounced R's scraping toward the back of her throat. “I am Diane Lolanthe, the principal of Demacia University.”
With an elegant wave of her arm, she pointed to the group of students in their white, blue and silver uniforms, in contrast to your own warm-toned ones dotted with gold.
“The students of Demacia are delighted to welcome you among them,” she smiled, her hands joining together, ”I hope their behaviour will match that of those at the prestigious Piltover Academy.”
“Prestigious,” Heimerdinger repeated with a chirp, ”the reputation of our establishment envies many of the attractions of the University of Demacia.”
Your eyes roamed over the group of Demacia students. Many looked almost military in their posture, and you expected nothing less from them. Their reputation was, after all, massively based on their defensive side.
They seemed to be watching you all, some leaning over to whisper in others' ears. Were they making fun of you? Did they already have stupid remarks to share with each other?
Madame Diane and Heimerdinger chatted for a moment, taking out papers and exchanging ideas for a few minutes before straightening up and placing themselves between the two groups.
“Right then,” Diane resumed, bringing a document in front of her, “I have here the list of groups formed for the Demacia pairs.”
“And right here the list of groups formed for the Piltover pairs,” informed Heimerdinger.
“One by one, we'll call the pairs who will be joining each other on the side. Please get ready.”
From both sides, the pairs joined, Viktor and you remaining next to each other as you crossed your arms.
The roll call then began, the Piltover students coming forward first as Heimerdinger whispered information to Diane, no doubt giving the students' profiles to guide her an idea on who might be associable with whom.
As the list dwindled, so came your turn.
“Moravec and Phathe.”
Viktor and you approached, Heimerdinger sketching a smile and exchanging whispers with Diane, who raised an eyebrow, glancing at the remaining students, and sketching a chuckle.
“Laurent and Crownguard,” she called.
Demacia's students began to murmur among themselves, some of the quartets already formed being informed by their acolytes. You frowned, your eyes darting to the duo approaching you.
A young lady and a guy about your age came up. The girl had an athletic figure, her gait confident, while her hair, styled in a severe bob with red streaks, framed her breathtakingly beautiful face. The man accompanying her was tall, probably reaching Jayce's height with an imposing, muscular stature, his hair short and brown, his eyes lowered on your duo with curiosity.
“Nice to meet you,” you began, hoping eventually to socialize for once in your life.
The young lady looked you up and down, arching a judgmental eyebrow before moving on to Viktor. She wore her smile like a loaded pistol.
“I take the prince,” she pronounced in an accent similar to Diane's, ”you take the rag.”
You frowned as she walked over to Viktor and picked up his suitcase to free his arm that wasn't holding his cane and wrap her hand around his bicep.
“Shall we?”
Viktor seemed simply at a loss for words as the lady began to pull him towards the rest of the group.
You watched them advance, chuckling as you felt as if you'd been punched in the stomach.
“Excuse her,” sighed the young man who'd stayed by your side, ”she's never had many people put her back in her place in her years of life.”
“No kidding,” you breathed as you both began to move forward to follow them.
“Let me take your luggage,” he offered.
You smiled politely. “Don't worry, if I can't pull my luggage anymore, that makes me a lousy rag.”
“A rag capable of such strength is quite a feat in these cases,” he smiled.
You smiled back, at least one of them was civilized enough to carry on a conversation.
“I'm Garen, by the way,” he introduced himself, offering you his hand, which you came to shake, callused and rough. “And the spoiled brat that just blatantly insulted you is Fiora.”
“Nice to meet you,” you asserted before introducing yourself in turn.
Once you'd arrived with the rest of the group, you reached Fiora and Viktor. The girl gave you a sharp look, and you returned it, the other students around you observing the scene.
This was going to be a special stay.
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I accidentally killed my own desire to write, and I need some advice. To be really blunt about it, what's the point of writing? When I would spend lots of time laboring over making a good story with a plot and characters who were in-character and connecting all the dots narratively so payoffs were satisfying, my reward was dead silence and virtually no clicks. I posted some mindless smut to my side account one day and got more hits in a day than most of my other works combined got in a year. I know, I know. "Write for ~*~yourself~*~" is the common response. It's the "be yourself!" of writing. It's supposed to be a magical phrase that'll make everything okay. But... I don't like knowing that something I spend months working on won't be read by anyone while something I write in a car while bored got thousands of clicks. I don't like making something I'm proud of and then no one ever looks at it. That's not fun for me. It's not fulfilling.
For a solid decade, I've tried to ignore how the level of interactivity in fandom is falling. Fewer comments. Fewer kudos. No comments in the bookmarks. You put your tumblr and Discord in the AN and get a handful of asks and one person who adds you, talks to you twice and then ghosts you. Most of the comments are "well, actuallys", made even more annoying by them being wrong as opposed to actually correcting an error. I avoid fandom drama, wank, and infighting. I don't engage with things I know will make me unhappy. I try to be happy over in my own little corner. I comment on every single work I read. I want people to enjoy fandom. I used to.
Some dumb smut I wrote in 40 minutes gets five times the hits of the writing I'm most proud of, and it gets it in just under three months. I am not a great smut writer. I haven't stumbled onto an incredible talent I had that makes it so the issue is that I'm so amazing my smut brings all the boys to the yard. People just don't like what I write and put effort into. It's very likely that despite 20 years of writing fic, I suck at writing. And people enjoy my writing most when they don't have to put up with anything substantial and can just skip to the sex.
So for the last eight months, when I write, I just sort of give up. Close the Word doc without saving. No one will read this. No one cares about this. There is no fan eagerly awaiting every update like I await updates from my favorite authors. There's not even someone saying, "update soon!" Close the Word doc. Delete old WIPs. There's no point. I do not tell stories worth reading. I used to. In the FFN days people genuinely enjoyed my work. I'd never have had an opportunity to do the 'I won't update until I get 3 reviews' thing because getting that many on a chapter was usually something I'd do overnight. Post before bed. Wake up. Read the reviews before school. I peaked in high school, I guess.
And now I'm just sort of lost. I still have lots of ideas. Ideas for fics fall into my head all the time. That's never been a problem. What I don't have is any motivation to write them. What's the point of writing? If no one else is reading, I guess the point would be so I could go back and read my own story and have fun with it. Write for myself. But I can review the story and have fun with it in my head without writing it down. It's substantially faster and more importantly, isn't incredibly depressing.
So, at the risk of definitely being calld the second-coming of True Art Anon or a troll or validation-seeking or haha mentally ill haha... what's the point of writing?
--
Okay, so write porn in a car while you're bored.
Look, you can whine all you want about my response, but what you've written here is blatantly about depression.
Lots of people in fandom are still interacting. And no, it isn't just on fics that are objectively written to some pro fiction standard or whatever. Teenagers still breathlessly review poorly spelled cracky masterpieces about this year's big anime and so forth.
Yes, there may be reasons why you in particular are in a slump when it comes to fandom friendships or "plz update" comments. We can talk about that. But this ask is all gloom about fandom in general. That's not realism: that's you having a problem.
--
As for why a person should write: because the actual hours you spend doing the writing are fun.
If they aren't pleasurable in some way, find another hobby.
--
But if you want an answer to the age old "Why did my 5 minute fic get 1000000x more asspats", I've seen meta about this for literally decades.
The most likely reason is that the fic we write quickly and without much thought often feels fresher and more fun. The things we labor over endlessly can feel overworked. Even in cases where they don't, they're often heavier subject matter or more niche subject matter. On top of all that, we just care more, so even a high level of feedback doesn't really feel like enough for the effort and care we put in.
--
Do you really need me to tell you why you don't feel the same as in high school when things were fresh and new?
Go read up on combatting burnout or dealing with post-college anxiety or managing stress in a dead-end job in your 30s or finding meaning in your 40s or whatever is going on.
Everyone goes through fallow periods in fandom and in life.
Feeling reinvigorated has to do with internal factors and some general life circumstance stuff. It doesn't have that much to do with number of kudos. That's just the surface trigger for a mood that was already there.
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i was about to reblog this post with some thoughts, and then reblogs got turned off so i will just put them here instead:
it's not that i disagree with any of the sentiment in this post--while i personally have been very lucky to get plenty of nice comments, it's definitely eerily quiet and sometimes weirdly hostile out there for most people, much more than it used to be. but i just don't think posts like this are effective, and honestly i don't think that "number of comments from strangers" is what's really missing. what people are missing is the community that fandom/fanfic used to have, and the way you get that is by making it. you gotta make fandom friends who are excited for your thoughts and your stories, and you gotta get excited about their stuff, and you gotta spend hours on discord and/or in the group chat bouncing ideas off each other and just, get invested in each other as fans and as writers. (and hopefully also as people you'll still be friends with a decade from now!)
like i'm never ever going to turn down a nice comment on ao3, it's always wonderful! when someone quotes the parts they liked best it absolutely makes my day! but what i need, what actually fuels me, is the attention and interest from the 2-5 people i actually write all my fics for, because they loved the idea and i know they can't wait to read it and will scream at me at length once they do. relationships are always going to motivate and reward you better than fans, and fortunately relationships are the one of those two things that you have some control over!
so how do you build those relationships? start by commenting on fics you love on ao3, and especially leave longer, detailed comments. follow the author and reblog their fics on tumblr and add some thoughts about why you loved them. if the author engages with you when you do either of those things, keep doing it. maybe they'll follow you back, and once you've had a few mutuals-type interactions on the dashboard try sending them a DM asking if they want to chat about [fandom/character/pairing]; maybe briefly mention an idea/WIP you have that you're looking to bounce around with someone. i know if you have social anxiety this all sounds like horrible cruel lies but i SWEAR, this approach has never once failed me.
and i know that this advice probably sounds like disingenuous bullshit coming from someone who usually gets a lot of comments. all i can say is that i've been writing fanfic for 25 years and until 2020, i hardly ever pulled the kind of numbers i do now, and i genuinely did not care because i always had at least a couple friends to talk to about my ideas and listen to their ideas and get excited together. build relationships that feed you with other fans/writers, it's so much more rewarding and reliable than hoping strangers will be nice to you.
(and i'm not saying they shouldn't be nice to you! people SHOULD comment more! OP is completely correct! but you can't hand over control of your emotions about a hobby you love to random strangers on the internet and just hope they'll do the right thing. that is not a recipe for happiness.)
(also all of the above is in regard to people not leaving comments. the issue of people leaving asshole comments criticizing your work or demanding more without even bothering to say something nice first is related but separate, and the way to deal with those people is to either publicly shame them or bitch about them in the group chat and delete their comments, depending on your energy levels.)
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