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treel · 1 year ago

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Hello! Um, Are you ok? How have you been doing?

Hello!

I am fine, thank you for asking. I had some health issues a while back, but all seems okay now after several unhelpful doctor visits. 👍

Most recently, I'm struggling with mental health. ADHD especially, which has gotten worse as I get older. I kinda thought my mental health would even out with every birthday, but apparently that is not the case. Sitting down to work steadily on a project is nearly impossible - it's a good day if I can get five to ten minutes of writing or drawing done at a time. It's become very frustrating to live like this, but I'm trying to manage, and continue working on things when I can! I have so many things I want to do (including finishing Éxtasis oh my god I'm so sorry for people who wait so patiently for every chapter - I promise I'm doing my best!)

Anyway, that's part of what's going on behind the scenes here! Also I don't go outside anymore because it's been 105+ degrees for three weeks straight.

Bonus Insmeeth snarlkitty sticker with holographic hearts because it makes me laugh.

#asks #i'm fine!#but could be better #but still fine!#i just get very easily distracted

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heybiji · 6 months ago

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That causes Dande’s resolve to soften somewhat...

#dnd art #dnd character #comic #sketch #dnd #very rough but i needed it out of my system #dandelion treehollow #jalester silvermane #lionmane #dande was trying to get jalester to agree not to go to the feywild #where the party needs to go to fix dande's mistake/betrayal #but dande doesn't want them to go because he thinks they're gonna die. or something worse.#he's still freaked out from his few minutes back Home (with his hag mom)#anyway he was trying to have a serious conversation but his resolve was melted away by jalester saying a few quite nice things #dande is so easily emotionally distracted lol #“I feel like we don't wanna have the same conversation.”#links in the text are just to other drawings i did while ruminating on this scene #ugh this is so rough but i have actual work i need to do BOOOOO

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dykedvonte · 1 month ago

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I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.

Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.

I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.

#like even I forget that all actions taken in the game were people trying to remain in protocol outside of Jimmy #Anya couldn’t have jus stolen the scanner and got the gun cause she’s a sensible person and knows she’d be in legal trouble #or get everyone’s credits docked or just hoping that there’s some chain of command for this sort of thing #Daisuke only really acted in accordance to his direct superiors because he’s an intern he wouldn’t know the first thing about protocol or #what to do in any situation. like this is essentially implied to be his first real job #Curly may be the captain but he still has to follow rules and procedures and we see with the letter the Pony Express likely has very shady #and shitty ones. he gives the best not depressing or totalitarian options he can otherwise everything is just his word which aren’t even his #or like him just asserting his position with the gun which he wouldn’t do #Swansea follows the book begrudgingly because he’s trying to stay right and not fall back into who he once was #I feel like it’s not incorporated nearly enough that the environment they were dropped into heavily affected their actions #say there was a single person higher than Curly or a plan of action when a crew member is considered a danger to himself or others #I think it’s fascinating how people will stick to protocol and break when they get scared or to their limit #cause the game shows how normalcy deteriorates and I think discounting what the characters where put through by the company takes a way a #real and scary aspect of what happened to Anya because as a friend Curly didn’t do enough for her at all his comfort was there and he #appreciated but it was a distracted sort of care but as a Captain he didn’t protect her but he’s was a Captain of the Pony Express like what #if they told him to wait to? he still should’ve done something because Anya was actively suffering and Jimmy should’ve been reprimanded but #he’s a captain with orders like the Tulpar isn’t his ship in the same way like #god I wanna explain this in a way that makes sense but the Tulpar is like designed to breed animosity and work on the bare requirements one #needs to get things done that’s not how people work and if anyone deviates or interrupts that it literally has nothing to handle it #it becomes clear that if any social unrest happens why they just say fuck it and give the Captain the gun because if something happens the #blame can easily be placed on the person they put in charge despite what they put them #in charge of like this is just like work place harassment irl because often the perpetrators are not punished but the supervisors for not #stopping them with meetings or cuts or whatever but the environment the company fostered is rarely fixed or blamed #like why was this allowed to occur? and honestly that is because Jimmy did what he did #ask me about this if this is confusing cause I worded it crazy #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #the pony express

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polillamielera · 2 months ago

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how i thought 2v8 would go...

#art #my art #fanart #dbd fanart #dead by daylight #dbd trapper #the trapper #evan macmillan #dbd wraith #the wraith #philip ojomo #LISTEN #it would've been a REALLY stupid idea if they had implemented this #but also #extremely funny #i just know i'd be stepping on traps ALL the time bc i get very distracted easily #also #i'm SUPER excited for 2v8's return!#ooohhh the POSSIBILITIES

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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago

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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]

a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious

i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me

as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy

#snap chats #may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ #i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise #can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL #im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways #i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history #but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX #i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him #yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All #it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me #i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context #i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness #and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help #but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading #Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh #im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling #and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl #ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted #but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo #i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING #because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time #im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway #its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for #down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth #as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP #i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT

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trainingdummyrabbit · 2 months ago

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sburb is like if the sims was real and also could kill your parents and send you to the evil chess dimension.

also it makes your friends physically turn into furries, and turns betty crocker into a murderous maniac alien.

no listen youre activating my trap card. ok? ok.

sburb and hs as a whole has always had such a deep focus on the idea of Growing Up. i cant remember the details, but i recall mention of many people attempting sburb and failing-- and the only viable attempts we get to see are, yknow. 13-16 year olds.

it has an entire system dedicated to formulaically sort and determine what Type of person every player is, designating them to a True, Ultimate self they Must strive for else the whims of the game systemically kill them off. quests and trials and tribulations all in order to morph the player into the picturesque Ideal of what each Category should be, each with a specific Role and Purpose.

not for their own personal growth, as much as the game insists it as such, but for the games own personal reproduction. it writes itself into the narrative, makes itself an inevitability, closing itself off as an Always Will Be. (there is no way to escape something that . something that is already th

do you ever think about how the death of any influential adult figures and or guardians is hard coded into the game? slapping a bandaid of 'oh you could always bring them back!' under the image of a Sprite, who are Also hard coded to Not explain Anything to the players to let them 'figure it out themselves'? (to follow the game's rhythms and become what is Needed of them? what they will always be and can never stray from?)

you ever think about how the dead versions of players put into sprites or achieving god tier are their own separate ghosts, with their own separate memories, with a life that ends exactly when they become what they need to be?

something to be said about the death of a present self leading directly into becoming the idealized version of a Concept and/or Function. do you ever think about that?

it By Function isolates each player completely from any source of guidance aside from its own prodding to becoming what would service It the most, the most they have remaining being game constructs not quite fitting up to the company of peers or, yknow, other people. awfully lonely, isnt it? (its hard being a kid and growing up. its hard and nobody understands.)

and then afterwards? after doing that little song and dance and making a whole new universe and you did it, all by yourselves, the ultimate goal-- nothing! it just leaves you to it. it doesnt Care anymore, because it's gotten what it wants from you. another world to iterate and do everything all over again. ive just said it, but again: awfully lonely, isnt it?

theres a metaphor to be drawn here. its been forever since ive touched the damn thing, but you can see it, right? its there, right? ceiling stars and white paint.

#its something that really reaches in and pulls apart the idea of what a Self is. something that can so easily splinter and iterate someone #its borderline Intentional. ihavent read 2 and dont intend to; but the concept of ultimate selves. fucks me up.#anyway i was very normal about egbert 8 years ago; yes;#piktalk #hs #also bettycrocker was ALWAYS a murderous maniac alien. cmon keep up (<- /silly /silly /silly)#<- girlies who just finished eating also btw hi :]#theres more i could say but i cant think of how to weave it in and i cant think of what they are but #i hyperfocused HARD on classpecting back then so. waves hand.#ITS ON PURPOSE!!! ITS ALL ON PURPOSE!!!! WE GET SO DISTRACTED WITH THE WEIRD AND THE DRAMA BUT #BUT ITS SO INTENTIONAL!!! ITS ON PURPOSE!!! ITS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAYYYY SHAKING THE BARSSSS #growing up and 'growing up' and life cycles and becoming what you Want vs becoming what you Should Be and inevitability and and and a #GRISPING .

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months ago

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...

#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia #i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it #was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander #thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution #it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very #interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating #but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for #my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there #how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start #again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal #defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going #after that. im just so tried #but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out #but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how #intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week #like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want #to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage #but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do #that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out #unrelated

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swallowedabug · 1 year ago

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KILLJOYS 5.01 (2019)

#killjoysedit #killjoys syfy #delle seyah kendry #yalena yardeen #mayko nguyen #hannah john kamen #hannah john-kamen #maykonguyenedit #hjkedit #killjoys #dutch #dutch x delle seyah #dskedit #kj 501 #kj s5 #my edits #my gif #almost giffed this entire scene lmao wish i had any self control #kendry being royally pissed off at dutch #dutch actually being relieved kendry remembers (her)#kendry's Very Scientific Approach for getting dutch's dna #dutch actually getting so distracted/confused that she somehow entirely misses she's getting handcuffed to a chair #and how easily dutch got disarmed. kendry's not even being gloaty about it. she's just Disappointed (at dutch)#also this kiss isn't even h*rny #it's just desperate really. 'cause kendry misses aneela so much and kissing dutch? might not have been such a great plan after all #she probably feels even worse afterwards #when she says that she hates that dutch looks like aneela she really means it #i mean maybe earlier she used to take comfort in it but now? it just hurts

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cuteniarose · 4 months ago

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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!

#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's #and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in #+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me #in the rain #I nearly fucking died #I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on #nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge #it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks #I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer #and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while #also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful #which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't #bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money #anyway. getting distracted again #do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did #and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here #sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account #I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still #I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth #I don't really care enough to look it up #the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want #if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is #also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later

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jazzzzzzhands · 10 months ago

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So anyways i was gonna wait for like a HUGE ref to put together

BUT im impatient and i have a short attention span!!

Here's me! Here is Jazz!! Puppetsona!!

Just a head shot for NOW!

ReDesigning her! And honestly if she isnt kinda different everytime i draw her, i probably died, cause i'm the MOST inconsistent person there is!! And she is too!!

She is a bear!!

She is so so Hyper and Happy!!

and she's silly! and she's doting!

and she's yearning! and shes fussy! and overBearing! (ahahaha)

and she struggles sometimes to process new things but she's figuring that out too!

She is WHIMSICAL and she's loving!

and she looks at the world with wide and sparkling eyes!!

and she believes in Magic!!

She is simply! a Collector!! She collects everything that makes her Happy! Toys, Art, Stones, Flowers, Coins, Teapots, Clown dolls, Art supplies,Memories, Dreams, and any little random thing!!

You will probably see me doodle her and change her hair, her colors, her clothing,her height, ect, but here is a taste of the sort of things she wears!!

She Doesn't wear shoes!!

and she IS! a little bit magical

Those pockets are deeper than they should be!

and Things simply seem to happen around her!!

She has a Hugtime Bracelet! Yes, from Trolls!!

Because i said she can!!

Feel free to ask me Any questions about her!!

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rowanthestrange · 7 months ago

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I like Martha, I do, but people complaining Ruby hasn’t shown enough character flaws in the first two episodes like if you took “was willing to put up with his shit for way too long grrl” away from Martha she wouldn’t be so flat that she’d disappear if you looked at her side-on.

#posts that will make someone put out a hitjob on me #but like guys #ruby has shown character flaws #if you don’t recognise them as such you might also be ‘a youth’#she’s spacey and easily distracted #she recognises but doesn’t /feel/ danger enough yet #and will get herself into it without a plan #she’s impulsive #she’s clumsy #prone to arguing #makes a decision and just goes ahead with it #getting a bit over-focused on one aspect of herself #very normal typical teenager/youth traits #so relatable that those who share them #and haven’t recognise them as flaws yet #therefore think she’s ‘too perfect’#adorable actually #i think it muddies the matter perhaps for people #that it’s the first time we’ve had such a ‘caring’ one #in a while #who got to express that #and so quickly #a nurturer and protector of children #who will create to make the heartbroken around her feel better #really go out of her way #a huge percentage of people here are rubys #one of those friends #where you got dumped on valentines day #and she took two buses #to get those nice chocolates you said you liked once

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zombvibes · 1 year ago

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I might be and by might I mean definitely will be taking a break! Mostly because I haven’t been drawing as much as I want to and it’s a liiiiittle annoying at this point. Social media is my main distraction so I gotta go for a bit!! Hopefully I’ll have cool art to post by then…

Of course I will be doing my best to share stuff about pal-est-ine whenever I can! (And you should do the same)

#zombvibes never shuts up #(i already said this on twitter soooo yeah 👍🏾)#seriously though it’s been very frustrating trying to draw stuff and then you suddenly get distracted #and you just. can’t go back to drawing easily…

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jessieren · 8 months ago

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