#i just finished the third episode and i need to binge but my mother likes to go to bed at a decent hour

[bookishswordfish]

I know that I am so fucking late to the party, but Eddie and Buck both wearing a red party hat while Tommy wears a blue one, and Tommy and Eddie’s hats being worn normally while Buck’s is tilted….

The delusions are being FED

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently watching - November

Because I love a good little list 😊

Regularly updated during the month - colored = finished

This may contain spoilers!

Choco Milk Shake (8/11)

🥰🥰🥰🥰 This is so good! I love it! I enjoyed every little second of this beautiful piece of media. It is the story about Choco and Milk, a cat and a dog becoming human and live with their former owner. Why? For now, all we know is, to make him happy. The acting is really good! I can see the dog and the cat in them 😅 So far perfect casting! I am a little bit anxious that it doesn’t end with an all fluff happy ending…

Happy Ending Outside The Fence (Happy Ending Romance) (2/8)

It has an interesting start. It is quite confusing in the beginning because of all the time jumps, but I guess I just have to pay more attention. It looks as a love triangle, but I can't see the pairing mentioned in the synopsys, at all 😅 Well, surprise me, but I can't see the inexplicable feelings or desire for each other, but hey, we are tow episodes in. And I kind of like this! Not to know who will be endgame is quite refreshing :)

Eien no Kino (6/8)

I really like the aesthetics of the show. The way scenes were shot and the coloring. Really pretty! The story is about two friends and one of them is becoming a zombie. I guess the next episodes will rip my heart out and leave me unsettled and with a lot of emotional damage...

War of Y (10/20)

I finally watched the next chapter...And yeah, I think I can't watch the stories week for week. I need to wait until one chapter is closed and binge the five episodes. This is one of the few bls I watch with a lot of tension in my body and no smile on my lips...I need to calm a bit before I can dive into the next drama...

Between Us (2/12)

Hm...I don't know yet. I like WinTeam, but I guess I am not that hyped because I didn't like Until we meet again that much. I am curious where the story is taking us.

My Tooth Your Love (7/12)

I guess this could be called a nightmare for people with a dental phobia. But it looks so messy and lovable and I am totally in for it! I enjoyed the acting and the sister is so bossy, but in a good way 😀 Never thought I would like a series about a dentist this much! But I do! With more episodes in the story becomes more deeper and better. There are traumas that the story has to deal with and so far it does a good job. Even though it might look like a fluff show, under the surface it is not and I appreciate that.

Till the World ends (4/10)

It is something else. Brutal and kind of gory and a little bis explicit. Not your usual bl. I like it, no wonder 😅 The end of the world is coming and Art and Golf try to survive the last days on this chaotic planet. The one to gain his memory back and the other to see his brother again (I guess). Everything garnished with lies and guns and a little bit of romance.

Ai Long Nhai (8/12)

Ai likes Nhai. Nhai likes Ai. To test if their relationship could have a future they decide to test-date for a month and show all their habits, good and bad, in front of each other. That is what I got from the subtitles 😂 They are a mess 😅 So funny and yet so frustrating, because sometimes you just don’t get what they are saying at all 😂 But the story is sweet, not that deep, but sweet.

To Sir, with love (2/17)

The first episodes are on youtube with english subs! First episode told us about their and their family’s history. I really can't stand the secondary wife and her maid. Hateful bitches! But I like Bua. She would have been a great mother and in a way she is more of a mother to the children than their mums. I guess I have to wait for more episodes to watch further…I have the feeling this won’t end well and I can’t deal with this right now…

Remember Me (7/12)

Okay what happend? I am emotional invested in this story! Why did it become so good within two episodes? I love the domesticity and the wholesomeness of the third episode so much! It touched me and moved me and now I am looking forward to the next episode! And the next episode was good too. I love Em and Name! Don’t hurt them, especially Name!

2 Moons: The Ambassador (5/12)

This might be the first series I will drop. And I watched Check Out...But the subtitles are a mess, the acting is cringy and the story is boring...okay, I am on ep 2, so perhaps there is some good plot coming, but right now I can't see it.

I will knock you (1/12)

So Thi steps on the Lotus of Noey which is symbolic for his heart and now Noey wants his heart back so he can give it to the girl he has a crush on and Thi can't find it and gives him in exchange a charm for fortune, but in reality it is for love and soulmates...And Noey happens to be the leader of a gang which members wear khaki-shorts or way too colorful dresses for a street gang...the cringe radar is very strong witht his one, but it is hilarious!

Finished in November

Series

The Untamed (50/50 on Viki) - the highest possible level of recommendation

I saw all the praises and high ratings and I always thought how could such a drama be so good? So I watched it and what can I say? I love it! I couldn't stop watching it! The story is so well written. The eye for detail is just chef's kiss. I never thought I would like such kind of drama. But here I am, rooting for Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi to just smile at each other. Even though it is a censored Chinese adaption I enjoy their dynamic so much! And the rest of the cast is so precious too. I can’t stop smiling while watching, which is always a good sign. Yes, I am totally in love with this one! 10 out of 10 pure perfection

Ghost Host, Ghost House (8/8 on Gaga) - absolutely recommended

At first you thought, well what a fun story about a ghost hunter and his dead family (and of course the potential love interest), but with every new episode a new layer was about to be discovered. This is not only a fun story, but a story about forgiveness, love, grief, regret and living the best you can while you are still alive. And not gonna lie, the mains are one of the touchiest boyfriends with the softest kisses I have seen in a while. It just feels good to see them together. 9 out of 10 short short shorts

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (8/8 on Viki) - totally recommended

This one I like...Perhaps it is the enemies working and forced living together thing for me. I enjoy those storylines way too much! Overall it's funny and I enjoy their dynamic and acting so much more than in Kissable Lips. 8,5 out of 10 beers

Kabe-Koji-Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized (7/8 on Viki) - recommended without a doubt

It is so well shot and edited. I was just blown away by the art. It is the story of two people who meet again after years, one an bl-manga artist and the other an upcoming idol. Both are dealing with some difficulties in their lifes and it is just an emotional ride to see them both connect and disconnect. The acting was really good! My secret hero was definitely Yamada! She is a good best friend, a real gem! 8,5 out of 10 big men-boobs

My only 12 % (14/14 on Youtube) - absolutely recommended

We had a rough start, but it grew on me a lot with more episodes in. The story managed to become really interesting, and the mains open up and being vulnerable in front of each other is just beautiful to witness. It is a truely beautiful love story. 8,5 out of 10 Cakes

Self (6/6 on Youtube) - recommended

The story about Tang who, one day, can't see his reflection in the mirror anymore and instead whitnesses different scenes from another person, Neo. He then tries to find and help Neo. The story is intense and even though there are only six episodes, different aspects are dealt with in a quite good way. I liked this one. 7 out of 10 missing reflections

Inseparable (2/2 on Youtube) - recommended

This short Pinoy bl shows the lifes of Mico and Henry, who live in the rural area of the Philippines. Mico needs another job to help his family financially and for that he plans to go to the city and leave Henry behind, but there are things that need to be said and cleared before he can leave. It is short and won't cost you too much time, so give it a try. 6,5 out of 10 weird camera angles

Big Dragon (8/8 on Gaga and Viki) - recommended? Well, why not...

Oh this was a mess 😅 A lovely one with enemies to lovers and two bodyguards who aren’t really good bodyguards, but they are adorable and steal the sympathy. I am all here for these two. The main couple? Well it is complicated and they are both so freaking toxic…they deserve each other and I don’t mean it in any rude way. They are just perfect for each other and kind of soft when they want to…But I can't give it a higher ranking, because it is lacking plot and they promised us some leather but never really came back to it. 6 out of 10 curtains never lifted...

Fish upon the sky (12/12 on Youtube) - recommended with reservations

The story is about Pi who is in love with Nan, who doesn't like him back. But as it looks his friend Mork likes Pi very much and he tries to court him for the rest of this series until Pi finally accepts that he likes him too. I don't like Pi, he is ungrateful and demanding. I know he has issues and I understand where they are coming from, but a low self-esteem doesn't justify a shitty character. I can't really see why Mork is so smitten by Pi. Besides the unlikable main is is quite a cute story with forced drama. 5,5 out of 10 forced dramatic plotholes

Love in the air (13/13 on Youtube) - not recommended

Listen, I watched it, I enjoyed the looks of the cast, because they are gorgeous as fuck, but the story is too messed up for me. There are too many red flags and too much romanticised shit going on. I can't recommend it as I will never recommend TharnType...If you like or love it, I am happy for you :) Tastes are different! 5,5 out of 10 red flags

Fahlanruk (12/12 on Gaga) - recommended? Save your time!

This series is a mess! The dialogues are crap, the acting is sometimes really not that good, the chemistry…I don’t know. There is no plot...just scenes added together. The message of this series is coming in like a soggy sock. The only good part of this series are the side couples! Prince and Gear are just sweet and Ping and Tap b´deserve happiness! I couldn't care less about Fah and Sher. 3,5 out of 10 rabbit fucks

Short films

Being Me (on Gaga) - highly recommended

Such a cute short film. It manages to tell a well written story about childhood friends who realise that they are way more for each other. Hints of homophobia are there, but it doesn't stand in the way of their love at a first glance. 9 out of 10 air guitar sessions in the bathtub

Buddy Park (on Gaga) - can't recommend

I just didn't like it that much. The story is about Jinho who never had sex in his 29 years of living even though he is trying really hard to get laid. In the end he is sleeping with his best friend, but it is not a friends to lovers story...and I couldn't get into the humor of this short film. 6 out of 10 lies

Movies

Cherry Magic: The Movie - highly recommended

It is the continuation of the highly praised drama 30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii. We see more of Adachi's and Kurosawa's every day life and their forever after. It is wholesome and cute with a little bit angst. There are some really great scenes, but I kind of miss some intimacy like hand holding or cuddling. 8 out of 10 ring exchanges

What I’m looking forward to in November:

Between Us (Nov 6)

I Will Knock You (Nov 18)

609 Bedtime Story (Nov 26)

Happy Ending Outside the Fence (Nov 24)

He who is without sin (Nov 23)

Made on rooftop (Nov 30)

Mr. Cinderella (Nov 30)

Young Hoon (some time in november)

My School President (some time in November)

[sfb123]

I just read your drunk Liam fic and I just HAD to send you some prompts!!! From the prompt list you hyperlinked 9, 16, and 17 maybe? (Preferably liamxriley) pretty plz?* insert puppy dog eyes🥺*

Well… since you inserted puppy dog eyes…

I wanted to try to incorporate all three of these into one story, which actually worked out really well. Then, the issue came of how to make that apply to Liam and Riley. Luckily, my current binge obsession is the 90′s sitcom Mad About You, and there was an episode the other night that set a lightbulb off in my head, so this fic is loosely based on that episode. 

Prompts:

“We should grab coffee together sometime.”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“You need a lift?”

(Prompt pulled from this list. Feel free to send me more!)

Word Count: 1,431

Warnings: Adult language, mild innuendo

A/N: Thank you @phoenixrising308 for pre-reading. Your kindness and support are unparalleled, and I love you dearly. 

Also a thank you to @txemrn​ for dealing with my unnecessary back and forth about this moodboard. I ended up going with it, even though we were both so wishy washy about it. 

A/N 2: This is my third prompt story this week, I’m going to take a break and quietly write by myself for a while. I’ll continue to work on the asks I have received, and please please feel free to send more. I’m having so much fun! I just don’t want to bombard you all, so I’m going to start pacing my posting. When I finish a piece, I just get so excited when I finish something that I want to show you all so badly! 

***

Liam and Riley sat across from each other at the table, sharing the piece of cake that sat between them. They were in New York visiting Riley’s family for a few days, and her mother had insisted that Eleanor spend the night, so the royal couple was taking full advantage of their child-free night, wrapping up the evening with dinner at one of Riley’s favorite restaurants. 

“Hey, check that out.” Riley tipped her head toward the bar, where a man was approaching a woman who was sitting alone at the bar. “He’s going to shoot his shot and try to pick her up.”

“How do you know?” Liam asked, watching as the woman nodded, the man immediately sitting down beside her. 

“I worked in a bar long enough, I can read the body language and tell you exactly what’s going to happen.”

He turned to his wife, a skeptical expression on his face. “Prove it.”

“Wow, you don’t even believe your own wife. I’m wounded.” She placed her hand over her heart in mock devastation. “Fine, I hope you saved room after that cake, because you’re about to eat your words.”

Riley went on to explain what each was saying to the other, and accurately predicted each move that was made. Liam was so impressed that part of him felt like she may have hired these people specifically to act out this scene. 

“Now watch, he’s going to pull out his phone and try to get her to put her number in.” She said, as the man reached into his back pocket. 

“Is he going to get it?” Liam couldn’t help but be invested in the story that his wife was narrating for him. 

“She’s going to give him a number, but see how she’s already almost standing up?” Liam nodded, waiting with baited breath for her to continue, “She’s going to give him a fake number, and then leave immediately. She doesn’t want to reject him to his face.”

“That’s cold.”

“It’s life, we’ve all done it.” Riley replied nonchalantly. 

Liam’s gaze snapped to face her. “You’ve given men fake numbers before?” 

She nodded and shrugged. “Lucky for you. You never know, I could have ended up suckered into marrying one of those creeps. Or like locked in their basement or something.”

He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I consider myself very lucky for that.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. 

“Oh oh, here we go, look!” Riley brought his attention back to the bar where the woman was shaking the man’s hand. “Ooooh, not even a courtesy hug. Game over, dude.” They watched the woman exit the restaurant, as the man started typing on his phone. “He’s sending a text to the number she gave. It either won’t be delivered, or he’ll get a reply from someone who is most definitely not that woman.”

“That poor man. He just wanted to find love.”

Riley sighed, shaking her head. “Ahh my sweet, romantic king, your naiveté is so heartwarming. That man is just looking to get laid.” She laughed, “For all the normal experiences you missed out on, aren’t you glad that you never had to pick up women at bars?” She paused for a second. “Present company excluded, of course.” 

Liam laughed, his expression quickly turning serious. “Actually, I kind of wish I could have had the opportunity. I think I would have been good at it.” Riley arched a brow at him. “I mean it, I got you to quit your life and fly all the way to Europe because of one night, didn’t I?” 

“Touché.” She drummed her fingers against the table in a brief moment of thought, “But can lightning strike twice?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Pick me up. I’ll go sit at the bar, you come over and shoot your shot. No social season, no friends, no boxy work uniform. Just a regular guy picking up a regular girl.”

Liam smirked at the proposition. “You’re on.”

Riley left the table and took a seat at the far end of the bar. Once she was seated he put down some money to cover their dinner, and made his way to the bar. “Excuse me miss, is this seat taken?”

She looked up, smiling politely and shaking her head, motioning with her hand for him to have a seat. 

“I’m Liam.” He extended his hand. 

“Riley. Nice to meet you Liam.” She placed her hand in his, and he brought it to his lips. “A hand kiss instead of a shake, bold move. You’re not from around here, are you?”

“No, I actually just moved to the states from Europe.” 

The bartender approached and took their orders. Liam instructed him to open a tab to cover himself and Riley. He took Liam’s card and stepped away to make their drinks. 

“So, why is a beautiful woman like yourself sitting here all alone?” He asked once they were alone again. 

Riley tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked down at the bar, playing up her role. “You’re sweet. I uh… I was supposed to be meeting someone, but I think they stood me up.”

“Well, their loss is my gain.” As the bartender set down their drinks, Liam lifted his glass in Riley’s direction. “A toast,” He waited for Riley to raise her glass before he continued, “To the missteps of old friends, which allow the opportunity to make new ones.”

“So we’re friends now?” Riley asked as she tapped her glass against Liam’s. “That’s awfully presumptuous.”

“Well, we’ve only just met. I’m hoping that perhaps we could get to know each other and see where the evening takes us.”

Riley agreed, and they began with some small talk. Riley stuck to her pre-Cordonia life, while Liam had done a pretty good job of coming up with a non-Royal backstory. They sat there talking, and drinking and ‘getting to know’ each other. Riley was impressed with Liam’s subtle flirting skills and decided that he was right, he would have been pretty good at this had he been given the chance. 

The lights came up, and Liam’s bill was dropped on the bar in front of him. “It looks like they’re closing up.” He said as he reviewed the receipt, signing his name at the bottom. “This was a lot of fun Riley, I would like to see you again. We should grab coffee together sometime.”

“I actually don’t drink coffee, I think it’s gross.”

“Oh.” Riley smiled to herself at the disappointment in his voice.

“I would like to see you again, though.” She reassured him. 

He looked up at her and smiled. “Could I take you to dinner, maybe?” 

“Dinner would be nice.”

“Great!” He noticed the annoyed expression on the bartender's face, they were officially the last customers in the bar. “We should probably go. I’ll walk you home.”

“I actually have a car waiting for me outside.” He dropped his head, again disappointed by the rejection. “You need a lift?”

He smiled widely, standing from his seat. “I’d like nothing more.” 

He offered his arm, she slid off the stool and linked hers through his. They exited the restaurant, and were greeted by Bastien, standing in front of their SUV. Before the guard could reach the door handle, Liam released Riley’s arm and jogged ahead, opening Riley’s door for her. 

“Such a gentleman.” She smiled coyly as she slid into the backseat. He smiled and got in after her. 

“Back to the hotel, your majesties?” Bastien asked as he entered the driver’s side. 

“Yes please.” Riley answered. 

Liam looked at her curiously. “Assuming I’m going to come home with you, bold move.”

She laughed. “You don’t have to come, but I promise you’ll have fun if you do.” Riley said in a sultry tone, closing the distance between the two of them.

“Riley…” Liam’s voice was just above a whisper as she leaned in, finally pressing her lips to his. They pulled back breathless from their kiss, their eyes remained closed as they rested their foreheads together. “I guess lighting can strike twice.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is the second time I picked you up in a bar, and the second time you kissed me first.” He grinned triumphantly. 

Riley leaned back, laughing as her eyes met Liam’s. “I guess that means you win?”

“Great, let’s go back to the hotel so I can collect my prize.” He brought his hand to her cheek and pulled her in, kissing her again. 

Permatag:

@anjanettexcordonia @athena-penrose @bbrandy2002 @chemist-ana @choiceskatie @cordonia-gothqueen @cordoniaqueensworld @emersynwrites @emkay512 @gabesmommie1130 @gkittylove99 @hopelessromanticmonie @iaminlovewithtrr @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @kingliam2019 @lucy-268 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @mile9213 @mom2000aggie @nestledonthaveone @phoenixrising308 @pixie88 @queen-arabella-of-cordonia @queenrileyrose @secretaryunpaid @shewillreadyou @sincerelyella @sweatyrysconnoisseur @tessa-liam @theroyalheirshadowhunter @twinkleallnight @txemrn

Liam x Riley:

@jared2612 @neotericthemis

Liam:

@amandablink @ao719 @yourmajesty09

One Shots:

@bebepac @darley1101

[aylinaliens]

what are your top 5 underrated drama?

Someday or One Day (Taiwanese): this drama was a literal masterpiece and it physically pains me that it’s not more well known. this drama has a perfect mixture of mystery/comedy/romance/angst and the cinematography/OST is phenomenal. i can’t go into the plot without giving away spoilers but ugh!! it’s so good. p.s. SDOOD also is getting a movie sequel/prequel AND it’s getting a Korean adaptation so...this might not be that underrated but it is in comparison to other dramas

Lovely Us (Chinese): oh gosh, Lovely Us is such a lovely little slice-of-life drama that deserves so much attention because of how wonderful it is. every single character is lovable, the romance is *chefs kiss* (slowburn childhood best friends to lovers is my favorite thing ever) and this is absolutely no unnecessary drama going on. this is my go to comfort drama to watch whenever i’m sad and in need of cheering up. plus it’s only 16 eps so it makes for a really great binge watch

The Best of You In My Mind (Chinese): this drama is very cliche but it makes me feel so happy and warm inside. slowburn childhood best friends to enemies to lovers is my weakness so as soon as I heard the premise for this drama I jumped into it. Like I said, it’s pretty cliche but the lovable characters make up for it. the romance between the leads was hilarious, wholesome, and healthy which is always a plus and this has one of the most satisfactory endings out there!

I Don’t Want To Be Friends With You (Chinese): this drama has literally everything i love. time traveling! slice-of-life! slowburn friends to lovers! tragical romance! second male leads who deserves better! complex mother-daughter relationships! ah, this drama was wonderful and heartwarming and probably my third favorite Chinese drama of all time (the first is Go Ahead and the second is The Untamed). it’s been like a month since i watched this but i still can’t get over it.

Voice in the Rain (Thai): i just started this a few days ago and i’m already so in love with it. i don’t hear many people talking about this but it’s so good!! i spend every single episode speechless because the FL, Rin, is breathtakingly beautiful (as is the ML so in all their scenes i’m just sitting there like “hand in marriage ma’am and sir). the concept is really cool too and even though i have yet to finish this i’m already putting it on this list.

[silentfcknhill]

FAVORITE SHOWS IN POSTERS

Well, we’re back for another installment of this tagged meme, this time for TV shows! I also stole this from/was indirectly tagged by @jcmorrigan. My taste in shows also differs a bit from my taste in movies, as I tend to like a lot of comedy shows with not as many horror ones. I’m not into shows as much as movies overall, but there are some that I am very passionate about so I picked twenty again. So, here we go for part 2, in order:

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend Of Korra (2005-2014)

I'm including these as one show since they take place in the same universe and tell a continuation of the same overall plot. Altogether this is probably the best piece of media to ever exist, including movies. It has so many great characters and villains especially and some of the most epic sequences, charming humor and heartwarming moments ever. I've never met a person who didn't like these shows, even people who normally don't like cartoons. My dad, who is biased against animation? He loved it. My mother? She loved it, watched it with her multiple times. My grandmother? Loved it. My ex-boyfriend? Loved it. My best friend? Loved it. I dare anyone not to, and I'm so glad it's making a resurgence since it's on Netflix for a new generation to enjoy.

2. Black Butler (2008-2014)

I never was big into anime growing up and only really started watching anime when I was like 16 and above, but this is one of the exceptions because holy shit is it ever dark and epic. I'm not sure I'd really recommend it for kids, it's more of a teens and young adults kind of anime and that's probably why it's so good, because it isn't afraid to explore dark and mature topics and do it with all of the intensity and gravitas required to do said topics justice. It has lots of great characters, and the story of demons who make deals with children who have a dark side is fun to watch play out.

3. Seinfeld (1989-1998)

My dad was a huge fan of this show so I watched it growing up since I was a toddler and it became a classic for me. I've watched thw hole show through at least 8 times, and I'll never stop because it never gets old or boring. It's also my only comfort show when I'm having a panic attack because of one time a few years ago when I was having a drug-induced psychosis episode and watching it calmed me down, so now it's like the opposite of a trigger and whenever I'm having an episode or something I watch it to bring me back to reality. For that reason it's more than a show to me, it's a medical treatment and I'm forever grateful to it.

4. The Good Place (2016-2020)

The big four shows made my Michael Schur all made it on this post (The Good Place, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Office and Parks And Recreation), either in the main list of the honorable mentions, but this is my personal favorite of the four. It's so funny, quirky, relatable and basically tailor-made to suit my interests. Not only is it an entertaining and wholesome show, but I think watching it helped me come to terms with a lot of things like mortality, ethics, philosophy, religion and my relationships with other people. It gets  alot of different viewpoints across and if you're a very analytical and philosophical person like me you'll probably enjoy seeing it all play out. Not to mention, every single character is 'favorite character' material. It's rare you find a show with no filler characters in the main cast, but I genuinely can't choose who is best.

5. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-?)

Another of Michael Schur's shows, this one is just barely under The Good Place and to be honest it was tough to pick my favorite between the two because they're both equally funny. I know it's kind of controversial right now because of the whole law enforcement thing, but I actually think they do a good job of handling social issues in the show and remaining respectful of real-life systemic problems. As for the characters, this is another one of those shows where every single character is gold and I think that tends to be a trend among Schur's shows in general. He produces damn good comedy, and damn good characters. I can't wait to see what they bring next.

6. Rick And Morty (2013-?)

This is unfortunately one of those cases of 'great show, horrible fandom' and for that reason I don't get involved in the fandom even though I love the show. It's a shame because it really is a great show, so funny and, again, such good characters. I think it's a lot more accessible than the fandom likes to claim, so I'm hoping more people will give it a chance and not get put off by the intellectual elitism of the fandom because it does have some of the most entertaining and batshit crazy episodes ever, poking fun of some of the staples of science fiction in media while also poking fun of itself the whole time. Unlike the fandom, the show doesn't take itself seriously and that's enjoyable nowadays.

7. Orange Is The New Black (2013-2019)

While this show is a comedy, it is also a lot of other things and it's probably made me ugly-cry just as many times as it's made me laugh. Well, maybe not as often, but those few scenes (if you've watched the show then you know the ones I'm talking about) made me hysterically sob hard enough to be worth like fifty minor sads. But I didn't even mind because the show is just that good, and it makes you /feel/ something in a real way. Probably because of just how real it gets in terms of telling stories that happen all the time in the real world, sometimes with inevitably tragic endings. But these things do happen every day, and it's important to shine a light on that. It's not just representation for LGBTQ+ but also for POC, the neurodiverse, the poor, and many more. Give it a watch to broaden your perspective!

8. Big Mouth (2017-?)

This is probably the grossest show I've ever seen but by god is it ever funny. Maybe it's because I have an immature sense of humor or something, but I love this show. It definitely won't be everyone's cup of tea and I don't recommend you watch this show with anyone else around because it will get awkward. I think part of its appeal to me is that everyone I talk to who likes it considers it so relatable to their lives growing up but for someone like me who grew up on the autism and asexual spectrum and who was physically an early-bloomer by years, nothing about this show is relatable to me in any way so it makes it all the more crazy and bizarre watching how the people around me must have experienced things. Did y'all really have these experiences with puberty in middle school???

9. Dexter (2006-2013)

I recently heard that this show is coming back for a reboot soon and I'm so excited because this is my absolute favorite drama/thriller show, as evidenced by the fact that it's the highest one on the list so far that isn't a comedy. I love the idea of having a protagonist who is sort of a villain (or at least morally dubious), and the idea of a serial killer who only kills bad people is particularly satisfying for some reason. Maybe because he's the vigilante we all deserve and want in this unjust and evil world of modern times? Idk but the very premise of this show set it up for big things and aside from the ending I think it delivered consistently.

10. Once Upon A Time (2011-2018)

This show took us on some journeys, and you can't deny that. Sure, maybe it didn't always finish what it started and didn't always end in the most satisfying way, but part of its charm is that you didn't care because the experience was just so much fun. They took characters and stories that have been told to death and somehow managed to put a unique and unexpected twist on them, and that alone is admirable. Good twists, good villains, and pretty much every cliffhanger known to man will keep you hooked on binge-watching every episode.

11. RuPaul's Drag Race (2009-?)

A bit different than the other entries on my list in that it's not fiction but a reality competition show, but I couldn't leave Drag Race out because it's just so fucking iconic and perfect. Even when you disagree with the judges or can't stand a certain contestant you'll still be having a good time. It's got the personalities you love to love, the ones you love to hate, and the comedy that's completely meme-able. I mean just how much has this show contributed to pop culture and the internet? More than most of us, henny. I've watched every single season, even the international ones and all of the spinoffs. This show will probably be on for another thirty years when Ru is throwing shade from a hospital bed and I'll still be watching.

12. House (2004-2012)

Some people hate on this show, and I don't get it. I love House. Yes, he's an ass. That's the point. He's supposed to be unlikeable, and that's why I like him. Maybe because I always love the rude, sarcastic, misanthropic jerkass-genius characters for some reason. And I also love procedural shows, so it's a win-win. I also work in the healthcare field so it appeals to me for that reason too, because obviously the whole premise is outlandish which is what makes it funny. Of course it's not realistic for a hospital, so just enjoy the absurdity and don't get too hung up on the details of medical accuracy and professional ethics and you'll be fine.

13. The Office (2005-2013)

The third of Michael Schur's show and the last one that made the main list (sorry Parks And Rec, I love you too but there was just so many good shows to choose from and I saw you last so the nostalgia isn't as strong!) I don't think I need to hype this show up any, it's already a classic and you can't even turn around online without getting hit in the face by a dozen Office memes. You'll have to pry this show and it's relatable characters (especially Michael Scott) from my cold, dead hands.

14. All Hail King Julien/The Penguins Of Madagascar (2008-2017)

Like Avatar/Korra, I also consider this as one show for the sake of this list because it also takes place in the same universe (Madagascar, specifically) and I just couldn't choose one over the other because they're both so perfect. They're funny and I love all the characters (it cut out the weaker links of the Madagascar film series and just focuses on expanding the standout side-characters like King Julien and the penguins). It also delved into some lore, particularly the first show, and even though I didn't also agree with the directions it took (you may have seen me get salty about the ending because I cared too much), I can't deny how much I love it.

15. Bones (2005-2017)

One of the other scarce non-comedy shows on this list, it still has it's funny moments. It's also, like House, another procedural show that involves some medical stuff, but this time on a more scientific and forensic level which is even more interesting. It's nice to see a lead female with Asperger's, too. There's a lot of cop/law enforcement shows where they try to solve crimes, but this one is the best, and I'm saying that as a fan of CSI as well. Don't fight me on this, I'm right. Oh yes, it's corny, it's campy, it's cheesy, but I love every minute of it. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach though.

16. The Simpsons (1989-?)

We all grew up with this show, don't lie. It's been around longer than most people on tumblr have even been alive. Should it have ended seasons ago? Hell yes. But that doesn't take away what the first like 20 or so seasons gave us (there's a lot of argument about when the show jumped the shark, for me it wasn't until much later than the popular consensus). The characters are amazing, but the secret to the show's longevity is that they always return to status quo and there's comfort and nostalgia in that. Bart will still be in 4th grade when you're out there pushing 90. This show is persistent. This show is eternal. This show will outlive us all.

17. Ash Vs. Evil Dead (2015-2018)

Sorely underrated. This show is hilarious, gruesome and campy as hell and I love it. I don't think you necessarily have to watch the Evil Dead movies beforehand in order to get the plot of the show, although it would probably help. In my opinion this show ended way too soon and I'm hoping someday we'll get a comeback because Ash is the reluctant, self-absorbed hero we all need and it's 2020 so at this point there really might actually be a demon-zombie apocalypse and who's gonna save us then if not for the impulsive womanizer with a chainsaw for a hand?

18. Malcolm In The Middle (2000-2006)

Another show I grew up with, I don't think it gets as much credit as it deserves. It has some damn funny episodes and great characters, and it did a lot of the popular sitcom tropes before they were 'cool'. Some other great sitcoms, The Middle in particular, took a lot of influence from this show and it helped pave the way for the future of sitcoms at a time when they were about to make a comeback. If you want a good show about the real experiences of growing up, this is a much more accurate representation of the highs and lows of being an awkward tween from a dysfunctional home.

19. A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Unlike most people I actually liked the movie version from the early 2000's, and I read the books growing up so I was excited when I saw there was a live action television adaptation of it on Netflix because I felt like they cancelled the movie franchise too soon. I was interested to see how new actors would handle the roles, and I was not disappointed. I wouldn't say I liked either portrayal of the characters better or worse, they both added their own twist to it and this show is a great and loyal adaptation to the books, probably because the author was so heavily involved. He knew just when to stick to the books and when to improve upon what he had done with the benefit of hindsight. This show is basically the books, but remastered.

20. Winx Club (2004-?)

Sort of an odd one out on this list, but I really love this show even as an adult and it may surprise you to learn it is still going on and the most recent season came out last year. They take big breaks sometimes in between seasons, but it's still going strong and in multiple countries. The only thing I don't like about watching this show is all the different and inconsistent dubs since the original show is Italian and each dub only goes for a couple seasons so by the time you get used to one set of voices/names for the characters oyu have to abruptly switch to another, but it's still worth it for the beautiful animation and cool characters (especially the villains!)

Honorable Mentions: 

13 Reasons Why, America's Next Top Model, American Horror Story, Arrested Development, Bates Motel, Battlestar Galactica, Black Mirror, Care Bears, Chernobyl, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Criminal, CSI, Duck Dodgers, Goosebumps, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Kim Possible, Kingdom Hospital, Lazytown, Lost, Making A Murderer, Mayday, Mindhunter, Modern Family, Monster High, Obsession: Dark Desires, Parks And Recreation, Prison Break, Project Runway, Queer As Folk, Queer Eye, Salem, Schitt's Creek, SCTV, Spongebob Squarepants, The Emperor's New School, The Good Doctor, The Haunting Of Hill House/Bly Manor, The Middle, The Pretender, The Walking Dead, The X-Files, Through The Wormhole, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Unsolved Mysteries, Yugioh

Tagging: @bullet-farmer​ and anyone else who wants to!

[nanachingu]

Drama Review: In Family We Trust (2018) (Thai Drama)

My first Thai drama review is coming from In Family We Trust (2018). First, let me tell you how I found this drama and decided to binge-watching it. I often see this title when I scroll Netflix but never trying to watch it till someone attach me. My whole reason to start this drama is Thanapob Lee or we can called him Tor. He’s one of the main actor in this drama and I love him in his next drama Hua Jai Sila (2019). I think his acting in that drama is really good, he’s perfect potraying his character so I want to find out his another project. To be honest, before this drama I already see him in several movie like Ghost Lab and May Who? and shockingly he’s cameo in the end of The Stranded (Netflix series) but I don’t have any idea that it’s him all this time. Really Hua Jai Sila make me open my eyes and make me found this worth-watching drama.

So here I am ready to review this family drama with a touch of mystery and plot twist story that you can find it in Netflix. When I see the title, I already familiar with that name like I think I see this a lot when I scroll Netflix and just need like 3 days to finish this!!! This is one of my favorite genre, I’m weak with family drama and really love with plot twist story. Because this is a family drama, of course there are so many character in this drama. They’re of course a big family, Jiraanan family. Grandpa or called A-goong and Grandma we called A-ma have 5 children (but we only see 4 children in this drama) and of course their children have their family too.

So in the beginning of the story, we’ll be seen that each of Jiranaan family are get along with each other well and prepared to celebrate their A-goong birthday. A-goong and A-ma eldest son is Prasoet, followed by another son called Mate, and they have a daughter called Phatson, and the youngest son is Konkan. I think they have another child that already passed away because we can see one grandson that live together with A-goong and A-ma. Of course their sons and daughter have child too, so the family become much bigger. Let’s see the family tree first so we didn’t confused.

From the left, the son is Prasoet (Songsit Rungnopakunsi) and right beside him are his wifes. The one in the right is Cris (Sopitnapa Chumpanee) and their son is Pete (JAYLERR). This is the family that he brought into Jiraanan family.

Little does his family know, he had another son with another women who claimed to be his girlfriend in college. His another wife is Nipha (Apasiri Nitiphon) and his son Chi (Ice Paris). From the picture below, we can see Prasoet really love his second family eventhough they’re not officially Jiraanan’s family. This drama will revolve around Prasoet so finally in the end all know that Prasoet has another family beside his family with Cris and Pete.

Next, is Mate( Saksit Tangthong) and his daughter Meimei (Sawanya Paisarnpayak). Mate always pick up Meimei at school. This is quite a little family, but Mate really love his daughter and vice versa. The only daughter left in Jiraanan family is Phatson (Kathaleeya McIntosh). Phatson married with a police and automatically her last name changed into Suriyapairoj. They have 4 sons, the eldest is Yi (Thanapob Lee), 2nd is Ern (Captain Chonlathorn), 3rd is Tao (Third Lapat) , and youngest is Toei (Jackie Jackrin) who in the same age with Meimei. To be honest I love this family the most. So lucky that Phatson has 4 son that love and protect her. Next, they didn’t introduce the parents but A-goong and A-ma has grandson that live together with them called Kuaitiao (Porsche). Last, youngest son is Konkan (Lift Supoj). If we can choose which one is the most chill family, we could say that Konkan family is very chill~ They have 2 son, Vegas (JamyJames) and Macao (Ryu Vachirawich). (The parents like casino very much🤣).

So enough with the introduction, and I will tell a little bit of the story before doing an overall review.

This suspense drama revolves around the Jiraanans, a wealthy Thai-Chinese family that operates its own hotels in Bangkok and Pattaya. The drama follows the members of the family, which seem to enjoy a strong and unbreakable bond. But things are not what they seem. One day, the eldest member from the second generation mysteriously turns up dead in the family estate. His nephew Yi, the oldest son of the victim’s sister and the prime suspect in the case, desperately tries to find out the truth. Source: MyDramaList

Before an incident happen in Jiraanan’s family, all of them just celebrate A-goong birthday together. It is so warm to see a big family gather together, it must be a happy day for A-goong and A-ma that they live till now to see their son and daughter with their little family and have a handsome and beautiful grandchilds. We also can see that the grandchilds really love their A-goong and A-ma. It’s like their family are in happiest moment. Even they took a family picture together.

But who knows, that it’ll be A-goong last birthday. A few days after they gather together, A-goong passed away. This is the real beginning of the story about dark secret that Jiraanan’s family have but no one knows anything about it even the family itself. After A-goong death, it just going worse because of the tradition and old generation believe about differences between son and daughter in the family and honestly A-goong make it worse with his last will that shocking all the family because only his daughter that didn’t accept anything related to their business eventhough she work hard build their family business from scratch. All she got only his father savings; money. Instead, the eldest grandson from eldest son got 1/4 share of the family business. All of it, ended up we’ll see Prasoet the eldest son lying still on the floor.

Yes, the eldest son of Jiraanan family was shot dead. He was found first by his sister Phatson who came over to his house talking about their father’s will and end up screaming when saw his brother was dead. Another family at that time in their house hear someone screaming and rush to get out to see Phatson panicked and said that Prasoet was shot in his home so they ran and as we can see in the picture A-ma, Kuaitiao, and Meimei saw that Prasoet lying still on the floor in his bedroom. After that this murder case became the talk of the town, get into the news, so police tried to find the motive why the murderer killed him. Honestly, this event create a most damage for Phatson family. As people know, Prasoet rarely confront someone and had enemy but the last thing he argue with someone, it’s Phatson. But I said in this drama, it’s not over till it’s over. We can’t be sure that the killer is his sister itself because as we go through this we could see that Prasoet had a few secret that we didn’t knew before and it could be a motive to someone done a murder. We just need to see it clearly and evaluate it carefully. I’m not gonna give a spoiler in this review, but I think you guys will guess it right like I am.

My first thought about this drama is I like how the story always give us a new plot twist in almost every near-end episode and make us wanna watch the next episode as soon as possible. This is one way to make us never bored by the story and they can wrap it successfully. Although honestly I can guess the biggest plot twist of this story but still it’s interesting because this drama get some details that we can’t get pass and that’s also give us some plot twist. You can’t guess it throughly, like you can guess this overall plot but still you’ll miss the little part of plot twist that make this story much better. Because it’s a story related to family, it’s really deep even when we already know the real murderer and all we need to see is just see the person in trial, in another drama we usually feel relieved and happy finally the killer is captured. But I think this drama makes me feel more sad and broken?? When we all see the truth, I think the circumstances are not getting better. The story really revolves only between Jiraanan family and the story behind it give us more pain than the murder itself. It’s not easy left by people who we loved especially it is a family, but it is more painful when we know that the one who doing it also our family. But I can say that all of this happens because of karma from their all bad action that happened in the past. When we know literally all the truth we finally realized why all of this happen to them, because every each of them are deserved it. But it’s all in the past, so eventually we must move on. In the end, life goes on. They’re still our family. We just need to let go of the past, and open a new chapter because only family is the place that we can lean on again. I can really feel it how every character in this drama just doing everything that they could to save their family. They’re not bad people, they’re just doing everything to protect their family. Lesson learned from this drama;

Family is the most important thing in our life because in the end it’s only family that we can go back into, and only family that will stay on our side and tried the best to support, protect, and defend if we get into problems. They’ll do anything. But without us knowing, the closest person that standing with us that can hurt us the most, is family too. But in the end, because the name of ���family’ that will lead us back together and family is the only place that we can still lean on. Mistake happens all the time.

For each family, if I have to choose whose family I love and attached the most, I would say that I really like Phatson family. I can feel their warm family and all of their sons are really get along well. They always root for each other, trying to protect the only woman in the house, their mother Phatson, and the eldest son Yi will do anything to protect and support his family.

One of my favorite scene is when Tao the 3rd son is a celebrity and when he feel he can’t hold back anymore he burst out to his brothers because only them that can give him comfort and feel protected. It’s also my best scene when they give us this brother scene gather together in one room and talking about anything and end up sleeping together on the floor. I can see from that scene, how they think that family is everything and they’ll never let them down because they have each other.

For the character, I have a few character that I like and attached my attention:

My favorite character; I got 2 character that I love, but first the character that I love the most is (of course) Yi. Despite in this drama his character more leaning to the bold action, like doing anything in a rush, bluntly, and doing a few illegal action but I think he did his best for his family. I don’t understand why he must critized by society in the drama because of his action? I think what he did was right because he already doing everything right and ask everyone that connected but no one helping him instead they just block him away. We can see that he never intented to hurt anyone else too so I’m pro to Yi side. I love his scene with his youngest brother, Toei. If I’m Toei, I’ll cherish Yi all of my life till I die. Because when everything is too hard for him, only Yi that confidently always stand on his side. (okay enough it’s a little spoiler). From this drama, I think I know why Thanapob Lee finally got casted in Hua Jai Sila. I noticed him because his acting in that drama was really really good, I can feel all his emotions there. It turned out here we could see him potray Yi perfectly, and it’ll really help him to get his next drama. He’s not only smart and catch the little detail in his family, but his action is always on point eventhough not all of that is always a right thing. But sometimes to get what you want, you need to do a little more dramatic so the thing you want will show up.

My favorite character; The next character that I like is Pete. Unexpectedly, for sure. To be honest I don’t think that his personality is thaaat nice. It’s about his first impression. When I his first scene with his mother, my first impression of him is he’s a boy who like to spent their parents money for fun and study abroad so he can get away from his parents to have fun🤣🤣 in my opinion; he loves money. TURNS OUT I’m 100% wrong. Pete is the most responsible person in this drama. His responsibility and his fair judgement is the best. He didn’t judge people by his relationship, if he know that this person is wrong then it’s wrong. I love how his attitude to his father’s another family. I just thought he’ll upset and didn’t accept them, turns out he accept them, and he cares them just like his father would do if he’s alive. You deserve happiness, Pete!

Ice Pariss as Chi. He doesn’t have much screentime but still his character ini this drama really shocked me. Kinda same with Pete. Look the picture above. Both of them looks like they have a personality that have anger issue but actually not. I watched his drama and movie like Bad Genius The Series and Ghost Lab, and I didn’t like his character but I admit that his face suited the most for that kind of personality. Being a jerk, brave action without thinking, not a literally bad person but not really a good personality too. So I thought he’ll become a jerk too since his dad didn’t bring their family to Jiraanan family and only went to their house 1 time/week. So what did he expect? But he has good attitude even to his step brother, he’s really polite and when he know that his family didn’t get single penny from his father’s will he accept it. He didn’t get mad eventhough in the end of his dad ‘s life, his mother was the legal wife. HE ACCEPT IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Okay, respect Chi!

From Pete and Chi, I learned that Prasoet maybe not the best brother, best son, best husband, and best father. But he did really well raising both of his sons to the point that his sons really have a good attitude and personality. I adore their personality so much!

(This is one of the difference between this drama and another drama. It is usually the first son didn’t accept that father has another family and another son demand his part from father’s will and clashed BAM!)

My appreciate for Jackie Jackrin for his acting as Toei. I just know him from this drama ( I think) and he’s potraying Toei really good. I can’t tell too much since it’ll become a spoiler but he can pour his soul and heart so well in this drama. I can see how much he adore his brother Yi so much and wanna say that you did it, you made it to survive with your consistency. You didn’t loose yourself just to make you free when your mother told you to do something. I think Yi had a big part that made Toei become a better person and learn from his mistakes.

The most disappointing character of this drama is *give an applause to* Vegas!!! This is the opposite of Pete. I put a lot of hope for him in this drama that he’ll become one of the rightest people but turns out a big nope. At the very beginning he shows us that he’s honest, fair, doesn’t like act wrong and even brave to tell his father lies. He’s the right person. But as the drama continues, we reach a point that Vegas just an ordinary boy who still has heart. His love is bigger than his principle. The only thing that I hope will be released in this drama, turns out it’ll hidden forever till end because of him. It’s the only proof that clearly helping this case but he choose to hide it forever. Another lesson learned I took from Vegas;

Sometimes we just know that human is not perfect. A person who always doing the right thing, eventually will become a bad person if someone we really love and cherish got a problem. They can ruin their life principle as long they can save their loved one. And often happens that the loved ones is Family.

In this family drama we learned that culture and tradition are taking a big part in our family. When a son and a daughter have a big gap in it, when a daughter didn’t considered as part of family just because she married a man and took his last name. Like having a daughter didn’t as good as if having a son. But actually if I think about it, the one who give birth to is a woman????? Why then a son is more valuable descent. They also differentiate their grandson status into a primary grandchild (son and daughter of the son’s family) and secondary grandchild (son and daughter from daughter’s family). But still we couldn’t get rid of the culture and tradition entirely. We just need to adapt well to the good culture and sort the not-so-good culture better.

Overall, I’m really happy that I found this Thai drama. I watch several dramas from Thailand but never found this kind of genre. A family drama that really warms heart but with a touch of mystery and dark secrets in it. But not like another drama that compete for power and will doing everything evil things between family and make things chaos and ruin their relationship as a family because their greedy and selfish will. In this drama we’ll have a dark secret but it’s not always about money, and I still feel their deep kinship, how this problems solved legally but a touch of their kinship because of their dark past. They need to let it go and open the new chapter because life still goes on for the living one.

Since I really love this drama, I’ll give 4.5/5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨. Thank you Tor for making me found this drama!

“Family is not always about getting along well everytime, but for sure Family is the place that we can always go back in the end no matter what happen.”

[iknowyouthinkimbulletproof]

18- Ashton Irwin

A/N: another 5sos fic! Ashton Irwin x y/n. Y/n’s gender is female for this fic, it just made it easier to write, my apologies to anyone it might upset, but you can always request. Feel free to correct any mistakes! Requested by @suchalonelysunflower​ for my writing challenge: Lizza my darling, for the writing challenge I shall ask the song 18 by One Direction and any of the 5sos boys ❤️ my heart needs fluffy/angst or whatever you chose to do 💕🦋. i was supposed to post it a while ago...whoops.  *=song lyrics 

not my gif

1535 words

-

*I got a heart and I got a soul

Believe me, I will use them both

We made a start, be it a false one I know

Baby, I don't want to feel alone*

For as long as they can remember, Ashton and y/n were always parts of each other's lives. Their mothers had become friends around their time of pregnancy since y/n’s mother had just moved in next door. Despite that, Ash and y/n barely talked. When they were 10, Ash had scared her off by bullying her. It wasn’t intentional, he just had a crush on her and like most young boys, he became slightly rude towards her till it progressed to the point where he was seen as a bully.

It wasn’t until they were 17 that they became close. y/n’s father, who wasn’t really in the picture, had passed. It hit her hard. Though they were never close, when he passed y/n realized that even if she wanted to fix her relationship with her father, it was too late.  Ashton knew what it was like to grow up without a father, so he took her under his wing. The first couple months together Ash had tried to get her to go out more often and join some clubs at school, but she refused. Soon their friendship grew to the point where they felt most happiest next to each other.

When Ashton joined the band, 5 seconds of summer, he begged y/n to meet the boys. It took until their third performance together for y/n to meet them. Though she was closed off most of the time, she had grown slightly close to Ash's old band member in “swallow the goldfish”. She didn’t want to get close to them if they weren’t going to be in their lives for long. Seeing as the boys of 5sos were younger, she didn’t think that Ash would be there for long. Especially since Micheal had only asked him to join because they needed a drummer for their first jig. 

After the band had taken off, Ash had asked y/n to go on tour with them. She did, and while there she grew even closer to Ash. she got to know him more, she helped him through everything and never questioned when he needed a shoulder to cry on.

*So kiss me where I lay down

My hands pressed to your cheeks

A long way from the playground*

Their first kiss was magical, but they pretended it never happened. Ash and the guys had just gotten to the hotel after a performance. It was their first concert for the Youngblood tour and the excitement had gotten to him. He wanted to see y/n, so he rushed his goodbyes to the guys and rushed to the elevator. Of course she had gone to the show, but she had some work to catch up on. She wasn't a teen anymore. She had a job, it was pure luck that when she went in to ask for a week or so off that her boss was in a good mood. He walked in on her lying in bed, computer open next to her.

“Procrastinating?” he asked, spooking her as he leaned on the wall. 

“I guess you could call it that.” she teased “ i finished most of it, but i can’t seem to figure out the rest of it and i’d rather do it with a big cup of coffee in the morning.” 

“Well, I'm happy you’re done for the night. Only because that means I get to binge watch criminal minds with you.” It had been a long day, nothing could be better than watching a show and eating a big meal with your best friend. “What did you want to order?”

“Well there’s room service, but i’ve been craving chinese food for a while.” she answered while pausing the Grey’s anatomy and looking up at him.

“Guess it’s chinese then.” he winked and pushed himself off the wall. Shoes were thrown off and a big jump was made onto the bed. “The usual?” He questioned, not noticing that she was staring.

“Yep, and-”

“-Don’t forget the egg rolls” he interrupted as he typed into his phone. She blushed. She knew that he knew her well, but sometimes even the little things can make her heart beat faster than if she were to go skydiving. Focusing her attention back onto the laptop, she figured now would be the best time to change the show. 

After dinner they laid on the bed, computer in between them, season 8 of criminal minds playing. As the fifth episode they watch that night ends, Ash looks over at her. She felt the stares, so she looked over. Before anything could be spoken, he places his hand on her cheek and brings her closer. y/n’s breathing picks up speed. Once their lips met, their eyes shut. y/n leaned closer, fingers inching towards the back of his head and pulling slighting on the hair that was at the beginning of his neck. The kiss was passionate. In the movies, they always describe first kisses like fireworks. This was better. It was as if the whole world disappeared. Or as if they have finally been able to hold something that seems too far away, but just as fast as the kiss started...it ended. In a matter of seconds whatever it was they held in their grasp, it was gone. 

They pulled away and Ash started mumbling to himself. He left the room, leaving his shoes and phone. That night y/n cried, all night. Her protector was gone and her heart was shattered. He shattered it. 

The day afterwards, she went to Ash and Calum’s room. Ashton was still asleep, so Calum opened the door. She gave him Ash’s belongings and then went down to breakfast. When the band joined her, the pair of forbidden lovers acted like normal. They joked around and the boys didn’t suspect a thing.

*And all I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

And I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen*

Now, in 2020, both Ashton and y/n were in quarantine….on opposite sides of town. It had been forever since they last saw each other. It had given them time to grow separately and to think about what they really wanted. y/n knew for years that what she wanted was Ash. she knew the moment he walked into her home asking if she needed anything. It was a lot of work throughout these months for her to figure out that what she needed was him. She had him, but not fully, not the way she wanted. During the months of 2020, Ashton had gone through a break up. It didn’t hurt him as much as he thought. As much as anyone thought. If he was being honest with himself, it didn’t hurt at all. Ash used his time off making music. Some of which anyone could listen to. Specific songs though, they were meant for one person. y/n. He had never been the best at expressing his feelings, unless it was through music. 

That led him to where he is currently. Sitting at his desk, listening to the song he wrote for her, over and over again. He was going to send it, he had to. He wanted her completely. He wanted her in his arms, like she was meant to be. He press sent, then waited. He only took his eyes off the screen, to grab water. He waited, but nothing ever came. Nothing but the word “seen”. He sent another message to clarify that it was to her...and about her. After about half an hour, tears started to pour down his face, the anxiety won. He broke down. 

When y/n received the text she just finished showering. It had been sent 5 minutes ago. She sat and listened to the melody that played after pressing the link he had sent. Going back to the messages, she wanted to compliment the song, she saw the new text he had sent. Tears started to fall down her eyes, but they were tears of joy. Instead of texting back, she rushed up and grabbed her keys. She needed to see him just as much as she needed air.

When she arrived, her legs became like that of a cat’s. Fast. she knocked on the door, listening to her thumping heart. The door opens. Everything clicks together perfectly, all initiated by y/n.. First their eyes, then their hands, and finally their lips. It took a second for Ash to realize what was happening and when he did the kiss took a turn. It turned sloppy and desperate, somehow the passion could still be felt. Ashton pulled her inside the house by her waist, closing the door with his foot and pressing her onto it. They pull away, still close with their breaths mixing together.

“I love you” y/n whispers tugging his hair again.

“I have loved you since we were 18” 

[neighbourskid]

2020

What a year, huh? Surely not anything anyone has expected to happen when we woke up on this day a year ago. I certainly haven’t. I’m not even sure, now, where to begin to sum up this year like I’ve done years prior. But then again... I may just as well just dive right into all the media I consumed this year, as I have done every year. I haven’t kept track as detailed as I have last year, but my year was definitely punctuated by pieces of entertainment that have come into my life.

Continuing on from 2019, my obsession with Good Omens was still going strong. Which was ideal, since I was gonna spend the first half of the year writing my Bachelor thesis on it. The intensity of the obsession may have waned a bit since, but I still love that show and book dearly and hold it close to my heart, and I don’t think that will ever stop. But while Good Omens was certainly an overall theme throughout my year, there were some other things that actually stood out.

With January came new episodes of Doctor Who, and having returned to that particular bandwagon the year prior, I was all about that. Jodie’s second season finally brought what I had longed for in her first--a darker kind of Doctor. She wasn’t quite as bubbly anymore, you could finally see some of the depths in the character that I loved so in the previous regenerations, which made me love Peter’s Doctor so incredibly much. In this season, I felt, Jodie was finally becoming the Doctor. Overall, that season catered to me personally every single episode. So many of the time periods they visited were of people I loved, and the introduction of Sacha Dhawan as the Master was absolutely....well, masterful. Sacha is brilliant in that role and I am utterly stunned by his talent. Although both John Simm and Michelle Gomez brought things to the Master that I liked, it’s Sacha’s completely unhinged take on it that made me finally like the character. He’s a madman and I love it.

The next major thing was The Good Place. I tend to have a talent of getting into shows just as they either ended their entire show, or the final season is just coming up. It’s happened quite a bit, and it was the same with this. I finally binged the show early in January and it would end its final season at the end of the month. True to form, I was completely obsessed with it for about a month, before I only occasionally thought about it again. But, thinking back now, I get this incredibly fond feeling for this show, and I remember that the finale absolutely wrecked me and I basically ugly sobbed through the entirety of it. Also very true to form, actually. I want to rewatch it again some time, but honestly preferably with someone who has never seen it before. Which, obviously, is a difficult thing to do given, well, everything.

Next up is something that surprised me a lot. In the middle of having to write my BA thesis, my procrastination thought it would be a great idea to rewatch and catch up on the entirety of Criminal Minds. And so I binged 15 seasons of that instead of writing my thesis. Which, coincidentally, had also just aired its final season not long before I started my binge in March. Rewatching this, I realised just how little I took in of the actual, like, stuff in the show when I first watched it as a teen. Although I mostly cared about the characters and their found family this time around--although I do find the cases really fascinating most of the time too--I noticed just how much I am not watching this for the fact that they are in the FBI. I was hyperaware of how often they shot at people before doing anything else, how many of the suspects died before ever being questioned or being brought in, and it made my skin crawl. I am aware how fucked up the criminal justice system is, and especially in the US, how the police functions and how incredibly glorified they are in the media. But rewatching this show, I realised how little I actually paid attention to anything when I was younger. Big yikes. Still, I remembered my love for these characters, and I really enjoyed that rewatch a whole lot. Found family will always get to me.

Once I finished writing my thesis and handed it in early in July, I then found my next momentary obsession: Community. The show had finally come to Netflix earlier in the year and a friend of mine had watched it then. I remember watching that pilot episode back then and being completely uninterested in watching it. The comedy felt like it wasn’t quite up my street, the characters were entirely unlikeable, and I especially disliked Jeff who the show was more or less centred around. I binged Criminal Minds instead, but then decided to give it another try. And, well, I watched it twice through without taking a break to watch something else in-between. Ironically, and maybe actually unsurprisingly, Jeff ended up being my favourite and I found myself relating a lot to him and his arc throughout the series. I even found myself writing some short ficlet-like things in the notes app on my phone. I made an attempt at starting a third watch, but I guess then the month was up, and my brain decided it was time for something else. My hyperfixations usually tend to die out after about a month. Which is why my complete devotion to Good Omens was a pleasant surprise. I did, however, end up watching quite a bit of Joel McHale and Ken Jeong’s The Darkest Timeline podcast throughout August. 

Early in September, while already preparing for the new term at uni, and my first semester in my Master’s studies, I then turned to New Girl. Friends of mine had seen it and recommended it, and I remember watching probably the entire first season on TV while I was in San Diego the first time around back in 2016. Or at least I think it was the entire first season. Either way, I binged that whole thing, realised through Nick Miller that the go-to character I am drawn to and tend to project on in any piece of media is usually what I like to call “the garbage man,” which Nick is a prime example of. And although I spent a month watching the show in-between starting university again and volunteering at a film festival, I didn’t spend much time afterward thinking about it and moved on to other things rather quickly. I enjoyed watching it, that much I remember, and I’m pretty sure I cried at the finale because it was done wonderfully, but seeing as another month was up, my brain was probably like “okay fine that’s enough”.

I then spent most of fall and early winter watching every single bad Christmas movie available on Netflix, which was quite fun. In that moment of festivity, I also watched a movie I found absolutely brilliant and fell in love with immediately. It’s a beautiful movie called Jingle Jangle, it has a magnificent soundtrack and is absolutely incredible. I had no idea Forest Whitaker could sing and he completely blew me away. If you haven’t seen it already, I highly recommend it. It doesn’t matter that Christmas is already over, it’s beautiful either way.

By the time December finally rolled around, I was already over the whole Christmas thing, to be honest and I turned away from festive movies or shows, and eventually ended up finally picking up a gem I had heard much about and had been meaning to watch for a while. A show which, as it were, also aired its final season earlier this year. This little show is Schitt’s Creek. I will be going on about what this show means to me probably in another post at length, but for now just let me say: if you haven’t seen it, find some place to watch it, and put this beautiful show in your eyeballs. I am on my second run through already (although I’ve seen the second half of the show a second time already while watching it with a friend on their first run through), and it brings me so much fucking joy. It’s a gift, this show. And it will likely stay with me for a very, very long time.

That’s about it for the big things. I also watched a whole lot of other stuff, including entirely new things, or just newly released seasons of things I was already watching. Here’s what I can remember off the top of my head:

Charlie’s Angels (2020). The Night Manager. The Witcher. Dolittle (2020). The Librarians (rewatch). Harley Quinn (2020). Sonic the Hedgehog (2020). The Chef Show (S1 part 3, S2 part 1). Avenue 5. Money Heist (part 4). The Good Fight (S4). Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S7). DuckTales (2017 reboot). Frankenstein live. Staged (2020). Hamilton. Sense8. Julie and the Phantoms. The Boys in the Band. One Night in Miami. Enola Holmes. Supernova. His Dark Materials (S2). Happiest Season. The Great Canadian Baking Show.

I also got some reading done in-between what I had to read for my thesis in spring, and then for regular university courses in fall. Here’s some of what I can remember:

Anthony Horowitz, The House of Silk. Ramona Meisel, Sunblind. Donna Tartt, The Secret History. Good Omens novel and script book. Matt Forbeck, Leverage: The Con Job. Keith R.A. Decandido, Leverage: The Zoo Job. Greg Cox, Leverage: The Bestseller Job. Greg Cox, The Librarians and the Lost Lamp. Greg Cox, The Librarians and the Mother Goose Chase. Greg Cox, The Librarians and the Pot of Gold. Neil Gaiman, Marvel 1602. Christina Henry, The Lost Boy. Neil Gaiman, Norse Mythology. John Green, An Abundance of Katherines. Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh. Maria Konnikova, The Confidence Game. 

Having mulled over all this entertainment I consumed in 2020, there are also some non-tv or book things I need to point out. As many, many other people around the globe, I have also spent a large amount of time this year on my Nintendo Switch, playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. It is a game I have waited for since the Switch was first announced, and I fell in love with it from the moment the first trailer dropped. It has brought me great joy in this weird fucking year, and I have more or less consistently played it since it came out in March. I ended this year with the in-game New Year’s Eve celebration and I feel like that summed up this year quite neatly and appropriately.

This year also brought with it another game very close to my heart: Super Mario Sunshine. With their release of Super Mario 3D All-Stars in September, Nintendo finally brought my all-time favourite Mario game to my all-time favourite console, and I played the entire game through in the first week of owning it, in-between university courses and volunteering at the film festival. Also contained in that package was Super Mario Galaxy which I have also played through in its entirety since. All that’s left for me now is Super Mario 64, which I am excited to play through in the coming year.

And to round off my year of entertainment, there are two more things I would like to mention. First, David Tennant Does A Podcast With..., which released its second season this summer. It is one of the only, if not the only podcast I keep up to date with and listen to immediately whenever a new episode drops. I’ve loved the first season dearly, and David came back with some incredibly fantastic guests for the second season as well. I can’t wait for what the podcast will bring in the future, but I will wait patiently until it is time. I can highly recommend it for everyone who likes interesting conversations between lovely people who clearly adore each other a whole lot.

And finally, while this year brought a whole lot of bullshit with it, it also gave me something I never thought possible and did not even dare to imagine in my wildest dreams. My all-time favourite show announced that it would be rebooted with the same main cast (minus one), a new wonderful member, and involvement of the original creators, and even started filming already in summer. Leverage is coming back. I still cannot believe it. I hoped for a movie, always. That maybe one day, they might bring the gang back together, for one last job, just one more encore. But to get a whole new tv-show with Aldis, Christian, Gina and Beth returning? With the addition of Noah Wyle? I can’t wrap my head around it. I am so excited for this. I predict that I will ugly sob through the entirety of the pilot episode, if not the first season, and will have to rewatch every episode because of it, but I have no doubt that it will be brilliant and wonderful.

True to form, I have now gone on about tv shows and movies for far too long, and haven’t really said anything about this year at all. 2020 was fucking weird. And I don’t think 2021 will be much different quite yet. I wrote an entire BA thesis in 2020. I successfully finished by Bachelor’s degree and started my Master’s studies and even got some excellent first grades in as well. I was lucky enough to be able to see some friends and family throughout the year, and even celebrate my birthday with a small circle of friends. I’ve become closer with friends, shared experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world, and, I think, maybe also grown a bit as a person.

I started this year excited to finally be able to start taking testosterone in February, and to finish the first part of my studies by summer. Although I did both of these things, they didn’t happen quite how I imagined them, but I am glad that I could do these things nevertheless.

2020 was a hell year, for sure. But there were some moments in there that I wouldn’t want to lose.

I’ve tried very hard to not be optimistic about this upcoming year, and rather take a more realistic, even pessimistic approach. But I can’t help but be hopeful. Hopeful that this year will be kind to us, and if it isn’t, that at least, we’ll be kind to ourselves and each other. It won’t be easy, and not much will change, I think. But we have to approach the coming time with kindness and compassion. That’s where I’m at currently. And I think that’s all for now.

Be well, friends, and take care.

[rajasw0rld]

I BINGE EAT LIKE A MF

So I just completed a yoga video on yoga for overeating, and i feel like it got the physical part of overeating, but not the mental/emotional part. I looked at the comments and I saw a lot of people saying they struggle with overeating so: consider this an extended comment on the video.

I wake up: groggy and dehydrated and with a knot I'm my stomach. I look at my bed: crumbs of pizza, tobacco, and whatever the hell else sprinkle my sheets and make me itchy.

I feel terrible, but mostly about myself.

It kinda goes like this: I overeat, and them reminisce about all the healthy eating i was doing before, and lament on my current situation. Then fatphobia creeps in, and I feel deathly afraid of gaining weight, that the little outline of a shadow of an ab that i worked so hard for will disappear (as well as my friends and family and happiness), never to be seen again.

Sure, I catastrophize. But that’s kinda the point, right?

What is it that makes binge eating so high stakes? Would it still be called binge eating if the despair and depression don't come after? Would it just be called “a really good dinner” instead, if the eater felt good about themselves afterward? Or is it 100% a binge every time you eat way too much, no matter how you feel about it in the moment or after?

To be clear, I have never been diagnosed with binge eating disorder, but I do recognize that I have disordered eating habits at times, although its become much better with time (thank you God).

Anyway, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) defines binge eating as follows:

“Binge eating disorder (BED) is a severe, life-threatening, and treatable eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating. It is the most common eating disorder in the United States.” (emphasis added)

So clearly I added that emphasis at the last sentence because I am presently shook that its the most common eating disorder in the nation! So there’s other folks secretly ordering uber eats at night and tip toeing down the stairs so that your roommates won’t hear you shamefully picking up your third dinner? There’s other people throwing away their own personal gargantuan trash bag of disposable and poisonous for the environment eating utensils and containers (after a few second dinners over the course of the week)? Egad, man. I’m relieved as fuck in this moment.

Coming from an incredibly violent and incredibly violently rich white college during my formative years, I grew used to feeling like an outlier, although I was outgoing and garnered positive attention from peers, it always felt like a tokenized spotlight, controlled by liberal arms and which shone a “progressive” light on whichever Black it shined on.

And then there were the times I felt alone. Which, I appreciated, because at least it didn’t feel like a fucking lie encrusted betwixt the previously braced teeth of the rich whites who owned them. At least when those same folks who shone their token spotlight on me ignored me after class or on the quad, I knew that then they were being genuine. My pain made more sense on the sobering, brutal plane of casual racism. It also gave me the cold, hard justification I felt I needed to eat until I physically hurt inside.

There’s also precedence for my disordered eating. Growing up incredibly poor, we ate like hunter gatherers—living between feast and famine. As one of seven, we were hiding snacks from each other and trying to save and stockpile food when we could, just to enjoy the human right of eating a bit more each day.

In Breath, Eyes, Memory by Edwidge Danticat, the protagonist Sophie lived with her aunt in Haiti until 12, where she moved to Brooklyn to live with her mother Martine. it is a story about intergenerational trauma and the bond between mother and daughter. Later in the book we find that Sophie is bulimic; she deals with the stress of being abused by Martine by trying to control her eating. Upon finding out that her daughter is bulimic, Martine is taken aback at the waste and admits to Sophie that she gained sixty pounds during her first year in America because she could not believe there was so much food.

Was college my America? The promised land of food and resources and milk and honey? I think so, because my binge eating developed there. Every repressed memory which reared its ugly, puss filled head on the surface of my mind could be easily snuffed out by a call to dominoes and an email explaining how my fabricated cousin died so I couldn’t come to class.

I had the time, space, and emptiness of gut to develop my binge eating into something that looked like extreme health. Haunted by memories of lasting hunger and not enough, I was propelled to eat everything in sight, especially in times of distress. Like Martine, I could not believe how much I could leave behind by eating so much in front of me.

So, if you’re like me and/or Martine and you have a few dinners in front of you, I wonder if you can look behind you and kindly gaze upon the darkness you have chosen to ignore. What if that darkness is actually light, waiting to be unveiled by your beautiful, capable hands? What if a friend or therapist can help you uncover that light if the darkness is too heavy?

What if our bodies, exactly as they are now, are able to facilitate the healing we try to find through eating too much and hating ourselves after? What if its easier to love ourselves?

I don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m writing about, or if my 5 person audience has made it to the end of this post. I do hope you’ll keep looking for the light, whether you finish this post or not. I’ll keep looking too.

-R

[ramblingsrantsreviews]

13 Reasons Why: Season 3 - Character Thoughts

The third season of the controversial Netflix show 13 Reasons Why dropped on August 23rd. Since I am the world’s slowest binge-watcher, I recently finished the season and damn do I have some thoughts and opinions.

This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about this show here. I did a review for the very first season back in 2017 when it first aired. Two years later and here I am again trying to wrap my head around everything that occurred over the 13 episodes.

Since there’s a lot I want to stay and I am still processing the entire season, I figured I’d make a couple of different posts regarding the show. This one is going to be all about the characters and what I thought of them this time around.

So sit back, this might take a while.

Let’s start with our main character, the person of interest, and our hero Clay Jenson. I’ll be honest with you, Clay Jenson was never a favorite of mine.

His biggest flaw to me has been his need to place his crushes on a pedestal. He did it with Hannah, he did it with Skye, and he did it with Ani in this season. You’d think he’d learn his lesson but nope! The boy just keeps on putting unrealistic expectations on his crushes. He projects an imaginative version of his crush onto the real thing and it never turns out well for him. They’re never as pure as he thinks they are. They’re never as good-hearted as he thinks they are. They’re never truly who he thinks they are. And that’s his own damn fault. Yes, Ani shouldn’t have been lying about her friendship with Bryce but at the same time, Clay shouldn’t have thought that she never said two words to him.

Clay has a heart of gold. He will do anything and everything for his friends -- even if it means going down for a murder he didn’t commit. And he feels deeply. As Justin said, “He’s a good person. If he acts out of emotion, it’s because he fucking cares.” 

Clay, by definition, is a nurturer. He takes care of the people he cares about and he sees the best in them even when they don’t. He gave Tyler hope and courage, Justin a second chance on life, and Tony a friend he could rely on. What’s interesting, and not all that surprising is that Clay saw potential for greatness in almost everyone he met except two people -- Bryce Walker and Montgomery De La Cruz. That’s not a coincidence.

Going forward, I’d like to see Clay grow as a person without a romantic interested because the boy has real potential. And I’d really love to see him go to therapy. This is my plea to the writing staff -- GET CLAY A THERAPIST!

- - -

And then we have our new narrator and new character Ani Achola. Oh, Ani you had such big shoes to fill and you didn’t even come close to filling them.

One of the biggest issues I had with Ani’s character is that she came out of nowhere and suddenly she’s BFFs with these kids who barely like each other. I find it so hard to believe that she would be so quickly accepted within the tape squad -- especially when they’re harboring a giant ass secret about a foiled school shooting!

And it’s not only that she accepted, but it’s also the fact that they trust her. Never once does anyone ask Ani to leave when they’re talking to Clay about what really happened after Homecoming. NO ONE! It took Clay an entire season to get people to trust him and here comes Ani worming her way into everyone's business. I just don’t get it.

As if that’s not bad enough, she fucking lives with Bryce! Okay, she lives in Bryce’s guest house but still, she lives on the Walker’s property. You’re telling me the writers want me to believe that this group of teenagers who loath Bryce Walker are suddenly BFFs with a girl who lives on his property? Give me a fucking break.

The nonsense doesn’t even end there. This girl, this dumb new girl who hangs out with a group of people who loath Bryce and who were put through hell because of him decides that she knows him better than they do. That Bryce Walker has changed and suddenly he’s a good person. And then she has the audacity to fucking sleep with him! But she’s fearful of Clay — fucking Clay Jenson would couldn’t hurt a fly even if it landed on his dinner. The amount of hypocrisy that spews from Ani’s mouth is astonishing.

But don’t worry cause by the end Ani has come to her senses and spearheads the entire idea of placing the blame of Bryce’s death on Monty. Are we expected to applaud her a hero? I certainly don’t.

Ani Achola is nothing more than a talented manipulator. It’s no surprise she got along so well with Bryce who also has mastered the art of manipulation. Ani goes around telling everyone that she knows and sees things in people that they don’t see in themselves. She builds them up, learns all their secrets, and then slowly uses those secrets against them.

She did it with Jess — telling her she saw a badass girl inside her, learning she was raped by Bryce, and then fucking sleeping with said rapist. Not to mention she comes up with the ridiculous idea that Jess slept with Bryce to regain her power. COME ON! 

She did it with Clay — befriending him and earning his trust and love, knowing he had feelings for her and stringing him along, using his anger towards Bryce after what he did to Hannah against him to justify him being the murderer.

She manipulated every one of the core characters into trusting her so that they would spill their darkest secrets to them. And she made them believe that they needed to speak up so that they could protect Clay, but really, I think she was trying to figure out who killed her beloved Bryce Walker.

I don’t trust Ani. I hated how things ended with her telling her mother that she was seeing Clay — she didn’t even ask Clay first, she just assumed that he wanted the same thing. I’m skeptical and I will remain skeptical.

Also, if it isn’t clear enough, I don’t think she should have been the narrator of the season. This season could have followed a similar narrator pattern as season 2 did with each character narrating their own interrogation.

- - -

This season tried really hard to give redemption arcs to two irredeemable characters when it wasn’t necessary. The season already had its redemption story -- Tyler Down.

I was really hard on Tyler in the first season because let’s face it, he crossed a lot of boundaries. Lurking around the school and taking candids pictures of students for the yearbook is one thing. It’s an entirely different situation when stalked Hannah and took those pictures of her and Courtney. It was an invasion of privacy and at the time his crimes against Hannah ranked him extremely high on my list of hated characters.

Then, season two happened. Just like all sexual assault victims, Tyler did not deserve to be sexually assaulted. To this day, that is one of the most disturbing and jarring scenes of media I have ever consumed. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about it. Tyler was so affected it by it that it lead him to nearly become a school shooter -- thankfully, Clay stopped him.

Season 3 Tyler is the Tyler that the world deserved. We got to see Tyler deal with his trauma and the ups and downs with being a sexual assault survivor. In the end, Tyler becomes a happier and healthier version of himself. Yes, Clay and everyone who kept Tyler’s secret helped but it was really Tyler who did all the heavy lifting. Tyler was the one who had to want to get better and, though it took a while, he realized that he did want to get better.

Tyler went from a misunderstood, bullied teenager who felt so much hatred and fear that he was willing to kill to a happy teenager with a group of friends who truly care about him -- not because they have to but because they want to.

Tyler’s relationships with the other characters are really interesting because you can tell he’s very skeptical of them at first. He knows they’re just being friendly to him to ensure that he doesn’t do anything bad again. He feels like he’s being babysat and yet, he follows them around when he’s scheduled to because he knows they’re helping him. As the season progresses, we see these relationships develop into real friendships.

Tyler’s actions are redeemable not because of his past trauma but because he understood he was in the wrong. He understand he was making a poor choice because of the trauma he was facing. And he wanted to change -- he didn’t want to die. He realized he didn’t want people to hurt the way he hurt.

Not only was he a redeemable character, but his character is so important in the larger discussion of sexual assault and male victims. Tyler didn’t have to tell Clay or Jess or the entire school or anybody that he was a sexual assault victim. But he did and in doing so he allowed the world to see that, yes, men can be sexual assault victims too. When he stood up at the assembly and uttered the words “My name is Tyler Down and I am a survivor” he opened the door for his fellow male classmates, like Justin Foley, to stand up and live their truth. Not only that, but it made the other members of Hands Off realize that Tyler was more than an ally, he was a survivor.

I never thought I’d say this but Tyler is one of my favorite characters now. I hope we get to see him continue to thrive and maybe even help Jess run the Hands Off organization.

- - -

Justin Foley. I don’t know what it is about that boy, but I have loved him since day one -- I think it’s the puppy eyes. Don’t get me wrong, Justin has his flaws. He started the shit storm that leads to Hannah’s suicide by taking that picture of her at the park. And he played a part in the rape of his girlfriend, Jessica Davis by not doing more to stop it.

Now some might say, how could you forgive a character who let their girlfriend get raped? How could Jess forgive the boy who let her get raped? Unlike Bryce, Justin showed remorse instantly -- at least on the inside.

Like Tyler, Justin has a redemption arc, though his arc is still a work in progress. I absolutely loved how ride or die Justin was when it came to Clay. Justin couldn’t stand Clay in the first season and now the two are living together and on the road to being brothers. He was willing to lie to the police about his whereabouts that night to give Clay a solid alibi. He pulled Clay away from the Homecoming fight to protect him from getting hurt. And he was willing to lie to the Jensons, even after all they’ve done for him, to make sure that Clay wouldn’t go to jail.

Justin may have thought he found a brother in Bryce, but he never knew brotherhood until Clay took him in.

My biggest issue with Justin is his constant drug use. I knew the moment he went searching through his bag when Clay left the room that he was still using. How could he not have been? The second season literally ended with us seeing him inject himself with heroin. A person doesn’t just stop heroin - they need professional help to do it. In fact, Justin may be in even more trouble now that he has added prescription drugs to the mix. I’m so glad he spoke up about needing help in the final episode. I sincerely hope we get to see his journey to sobriety in the final season.

Justin standing up at the assembly and telling everyone that he too was a survivor was such an important and impactful scene. Jess’s face says it all, she had no idea. In hindsight, it’s really not a surprise. Justin’s mom was constantly strung out and bringing home men who were not only bad for her but bad for her son. What shocked me more was his admission that he sold himself for sex when he was on the streets and sometimes things went south. That small little line is so important because it points out that sex workers can be survivors of sexual assault to. They can be taken advantage of. Their trust can be broken. And their willingness to sell themselves can be misconstrued as consent for any and all actions.

Also, the fact that Justin told Jess he didn’t come out sooner because he didn’t want to distract Jess from her own journey -- SOBS! I love you Justin Foley -- you incredibly dumb, yet incredibly kind boy.

But please, get him away from drugs and drug dealers. I want to see a happy, healthy, and SOBER Justin Foley next season.

- - -

The queen of survival, the inspiration for change, and the girl who is done with everyone’s bullshit Miss Jessica Davis.

For the past two seasons, we’ve seen Jess as a victim and for the first time, we got to see her as a survivor. Seeing her as student body president fighting for change and spearheading the Hands Off club was the right move for Jess. I liked seeing her come into her own and understand that she is not her past.

I think it’s important that even though Jess is getting better, she still struggles with what has happened to her. We see her in a flashback tell Bryce that even though she’s healing, sometimes she still feels like he’s on top of her. That feeling is never going to go away, but that doesn’t mean it needs to define her.

Though I’m not keen on the idea of showing teenagers having sex so freely, Jess reclaiming her sexuality was an important milestone for her and for survivors everywhere. I found it interesting and not all that shocking that this time around Jess wanted to be the one in control when it came to sex. It was a way for her to feel safe and enjoy herself because she knew she was the one calling the shots. And even though she was in charge, she still made sure Justin was comfortable as well. Consent is key!

Jess has a lot going on this season. As I said, she’s student body president and the president of the Hands Off club. She’s trying to change the school and how sexual assault victims are viewed. She’s harboring secrets like Tyler’s foiled school shooting and her involvement in Bryce’s death. She’s trying to have a relationship with Justin which leads to backlash from the HO group. And, on top of all that, she’s dealing with her feelings surrounding the death of her rapist.

One thing I found really interesting about Jess this season is her feelings towards Bryce’s death. Her reaction is even more interesting and shocking when we find out her involvement in the murder. When the news hits that Bryce’s dead everyone has a reaction. After Justin opens up to Jess about his complex feelings around the death, Jess comforts him and reassures him that Bryce didn’t deserve to die. And yet, we find out that she watched Bryce die! I kind of wish we got a sense of what her true feelings were regarding Bryce’s death.

Jess is on the right track and I hope we get to see her continue to grow as a person. I hope she finds comfort in herself and continues helping others work through their trauma and understand that they are survivors.

- - -

Alex Standall is another character I’ve been a fan of from the very beginning. His near suicide in the finale of the first season crushed me. So it should come as no surprise that I was extremely disappointed in Alex this season.

I found it extremely out of character for Alex to willingly interact with Bryce — whom he’s hated even before Hannah’s tapes were passed to him. One could blame his interactions with Bryce on his need for steroids but that’s a copout. Alex could have found someone else to buy the drugs from. He could have not done the drugs at all and instead worked harder with Zach. There is no excuse for him turning to Bryce for drugs.

What’s even more alarming is his interactions with Bryce didn’t stop there. He hung out with him on other occasions including helping Bryce break into his alleged father’s new home. Now, yes, Alex came to his sentences shortly after this interaction but he should have already known to stay away from Bryce.

It’s clear that Alex was hurting. Jess dumped him yet again for Justin and he felt vulnerable. But his vulnerability doesn’t excuse him going to his ex-girlfriend and best friend’s rapist to purchase drugs.

And then there’s the small fact that Alex Standall is the one who killed Bryce. There’s certainly a lot to unpack when it comes to his involvement with Bryce. The fact of the matter is, Alex didn’t go to the pier with Jess to kill Bryce. He went to support Jess. In fact, he even tried to help Bryce but in those final moments, Bryce sealed his fate by acting out and accusing Jess of setting him up — how I’m not sure.

I’d imagine the final season will explore Alex’s involvement and his feelings about it even more. And I’m sure his complex relationship with Jess will be involved in his journey.

So, is Alex redeemable? Well, that’s a discussion for another day.

- - -

Once again, Zach Dempsey got the short end of the stick — or so we thought.

The season started out with him being isolated from the rest of the tape squad. Though he didn’t sell Tyler out he certainly thought about it. He definitely wasn’t going to waste his time babysitting Tyler who may or may not act again. And yet, he still showed up at every meeting and played a part in covering up who really killed Bryce.

Zach actually had a lot of great moments this season. His relationship with Chloe was interesting and complex. There’s no denying that Zach hated Bryce and yet, he still offered to help Chloe raise Bryce’s child if she wanted to keep it. And he never once tried to pressure Chloe into getting an abortion even though she was carrying a rapists baby. I found myself applauding when Zach went along with whatever Chloe said regarding the pregnancy. If she kept it that was fine. If she wanted an abortion that was fine too. Zach definitely gets a gold star for that one — isn’t sad I have to praise common human decency?

I also enjoyed Zach’s brotherhood moments with both Justin and Alex. Zach needed friends just like everyone else did and I’m glad he found people he could rely on. His relationship with Alex seems esepcially special and I hope they keep their promise to be the kind of friends that tell each other everything.

Zach’s story becomes even more complicated when it comes to the Homecoming game and his altercation with Bryce. Bryce’s reaction to finding out that Chloe is friends (or maybe more) with Zach is alarming since he’s claimed and shown how into Ani he is. If he was so in love with Ani, why did he need to go after Zach like that?

Thanks to Bryce’s irrational anger, Zach lost his entire future that night. In fact, softie Zach was so pissed off he found Bryce and beat the shit out of him with a broken leg nonetheless! I was a bit confused as to how Zach found Bryce though. From what we saw, Jess was the only one who knew where Bryce was going to be after the game. And it’s not like Zach could have followed him there because he had to go to the hospital to get his leg check out. PLOT HOLES!

Honestly, I’m not really sure what to think of Zach. I will say I’m glad he acknowledged that he had no right being on Tyler’s picture wall at Monet’s. And yet, Tyler put him there for a reason.

Frankly, I think Zach needs some therapy too so hopefully he gets some help in season 4 too.

- - - 

I can’t believe the internet is romanticizing Monty and his sexuality when actual angel Tony Padilla exists.

I honestly can’t understand why Monty and Winston are getting all the attention when Tony and Caleb exist — but then again, I do understand. Why would the world idolize an interracial gay couple when two white (or white-passing boys) are hooking up. Tony and Caleb deserve better from the world and from this fandom. They are the true icons.

Tony had a rough go this season. I certainly wasn’t expecting him to have to deal with his family’s deportation but the minute he walked into his home and they weren’t there I knew. What’s a little confusing about this plot, is the fact that his dad owned a legitimate business. The plot definitely felt like more of an afterthought but I do think it was important. It gave the show an opportunity to comment on a very real thing happening in our country and showed how it affects everyone. I’m sad Tony didn’t confide in Clay earlier and that it took Clay’s interrogation and digging for him to tell him. I really hope these characters learn to trust each other next season — they’ve all proved to  be extremely good at keeping secrets.

Tony seemed to be the only character who adamantly did not want Bryce’s help this season. He was hesitant to take the money from Bryce for the Mustang especially after learning that Bryce’s father was the one who sold out his family to ICE. The only reason Tony is seen with Bryce again is because he made a promise to Hannah to see that everyone on the tapes listened to them. I found it just as shocking as Tony did that Bryce never listened to them, even when they were spread around the internet. That says a lot about his character. 

Tony choosing to sit in the car with Bryce and listen with him says a lot about Tony’s character. I think Tony stayed with Bryce because a) he wanted to make sure he listened to all the tapes and b) he wanted to make sure Bryce wouldn’t destroy the tapes. I don’t think it had anything to do with making sure Bryce was going to be okay while listening. Also, Tony telling Bryce that all of Hannah’s tapes are his tapes was a serious mic drop moment.

Tony, like Clay, is so ride or die for his friends. The minute that Hillcrest moron grabbed Jess at the Homecoming game Tony was ready to fight. If it wasn’t for Caleb reminding him that he could go to jail Tony would have been down there throwing punches.

To me, Tony’s biggest flaw is his necessity to be the tough boy. He doesn’t allow himself to be vulnerable or open up to those he cares about. I hope this changes in the final season.

- - -

Bryce Walker was and will always be a rapist.

This season tried really hard to humanize Bryce, to show that he was capable of change but I wasn’t buying it. I don’t think he was ever remorseful for his actions, I think he only showed remorse when things started to affect his own life. I’ll talk more about that in a different post though.

Bryce is nothing more than a massive manipulator and a rapist.

However, I don’t think he deserved to die. Oddly enough, I think his death benefitted him because he no longer had to live with the fact that he would always be the rapist kid. Bryce deserved to live so that he would have to wake up every morning knowing he was a rapist. He deserved to live with the knowledge that he fucks up everything around him. Death was easy for him, living is where he truly would have suffered.

- - -

Montgomery De La Cruz was and will always be a rapist.

Monty was not a good person. He didn’t even attempt to change like Bryce tried to. He was simply a terrible human being. Giving him a troubled home life and having him suffer from internalized homophobia when he was gay does not excuse his behavior.

Monty’s relationship with Winston was a ploy to earn him sympathy and from the looks of it, it worked on some viewers. I’m sorry, thousands of gay individuals have troubled pasts and live with people who don’t accept them but they don’t go sexually assaulting people or beating up those they’ve slept with.

Monty is no better than Bryce; in fact, he might even be worse because he never even acknowledged that what he did was wrong.

If television has taught me anything, it’s never believe someone is dead unless you see a body. Not only did we not see a body, we never saw Monty get into an altercation in the jail. And there are never any hints that he could end his own life. The only source we have that Monty is dead is from some shady drug dealer. It’ll be interesting to the truth next season.

- - - 

Now for the honorable mentions.

Mrs. Walker had a really interesting journey this season. The complexity of her character was astonishing. I liked that she didn’t make excuses for her son and that she understands that he was (and is) a bad person.

The scene with Chloe where Mrs. Walker tells her that Bryce should never be a father was so powerful. Look, Bryce is Mrs. Walker’s only chance at being a grandmother and she’d sacrifice that experience to save her grandchild and daughter-in-law a life of hell like the one she’s been leading.

When it comes to motherly love everyone always talks about how it’s unconditional. Mrs. Walker’s love wasn’t unconditional. In fact, it took her a long time to look at Bryce and not see the monster that she helped create. I did find her speech at his funeral about sometimes seeing him as a 9-year-old boy moving. I empathize with Mrs. Walker because no mother should have to bury her son. And in the same breath, I almost wonder if Mrs. Walker is relieved that she can finally be free now that all three of the abusive men in her life are gone.

I’m interested to see if she’ll make an appearance in the final season. What is her reaction to the news that Monty is the alleged killer?

- - - 

If Mrs. Walker is interesting and complex, Mrs. Baker is a damn badass.

Her speech to the Sheriff about how much trouble they're going through to find Bryce’s murder was amazing. I literally stood up and applauded. Mrs. Baker isn’t taking any shit any longer. And she’s certainly going to take any chance she can to point out the injustices in the justice system

And she isn’t going to let Bryce Walker off the hook for what he did to her daughter and dozens of other girls. Mrs. Baker said it best “I wish you a lifetime of learning what sorry is.”

I really enjoyed the scene between Mrs. Baker and Jess. A part of me felt like Mrs. Baker was talking to Hannah through Jess. I think Mrs. Baker sees what Hannah could have been in Jess. I also enjoyed her scene with Clay. It was almost as if she was telling him to tell the police about her so that they would leave Clay alone. Mrs. Baker couldn’t protect Hannah, but she’ll do anything to protect Hannah’s friends.

- - - 


Finally, I want to talk briefly about Alex’s dad, Deputy Standall. 

There’s no denying that he loves Alex. He would literally do anything for Alex — including jeopardizing his job as a deputy.

In the final episode he tells Alex that when he found him [Alex] after he tried to kill himself, he wished the bullet was in his head. That was a literal and figurative speech. Deputy Standall was admitting that he would take a bullet to protect his son — and he did just that.

Deputy Standall knows the truth. He is a good detective who followed the clues even when the Sheriff was convinced Clay was the murderer. In fact, Deputy Standall even goes off record to ask Ani where his own son was that night. Now, maybe this is a test to see if Ani is telling the truth (since he knows the answer) or maybe it’s a test to see how far she’s willing to go in lying. Either way, Deputy Standall knows the truth.

He knows his son killed or played a part in the murder of Bryce Walker. And yet, he’s willing to risk his career and livelihood, to protect his son from going to prison for the rest of his life.

It will be interesting to see what happens in the final season. Will the truth come out?

- - -

That concludes this long-ass character thoughts post. I do plan on making another post where I talk about what characters are worthy of redemption and why (I’ve teased it a bit here). I also want to make a post about my top 13 scenes from this season. We’ll see how that goes.

For now, let me know what you think of these characters. Do you agree with me? Disagree? Why?

Season 3 of Thirteen Reasons Why is streaming now on Netflix. Due to the shows graphic nature viewer discretion is advised. If you find the material uncomfortable please do not watch or find a trusted family member or friend to watch with you.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out for help.

[callioope]

Finally finished Community! Thoughts below. I can’t say they’re coherent or insightful, but thoughts below. I’m still sorta processing everything so I’m not even sure I’ll settle on these thoughts, but they are my immediate impressions after binging this thing in 2.5 weeks. (Whew!)

First, a preface: Prior to this binge session, I had seen one episode many years ago, but whatever episode that was I have no idea because none of them felt familiar to me. More importantly, though, I used to see a lot of Jeff/Annie stuff in my dash back when the show was still airing. So, that informs my preconceptions of the show before I started.

Overall impressions: 

The first three seasons are pretty solid, and honestly I didn’t really feel like season 4 missed a beat from them. At some point towards the end of season 4, or maybe early season 5, I stumbled on the season 4 controversy and was pretty surprised because I still enjoyed it. Season 5 actually felt like the beginning of a decline and season 6, whew. That was almost painful to watch. It felt pretty dry, lacking in the show’s original magic, and definitely forced, which was even addressed in the season finale. And speaking of the finale, despite some brief entertaining meta moments, it didn’t really feel like a good ending for the whole thing. But I suppose we’re still due that movie, right?

What I loved about the show was how much fun it had and the relationships between the characters. It seemed to do a good job of shaking up interactions so we got to see different sets of characters interacting. Troy and Abed’s dynamic was the most interesting to me (I think I’m going to have “Troy and Abed in the mooorning!” stuck in my head lol). The blanket fort episodes were pretty great.

Couldn’t stand Britta/Jeff moments. Didn’t like the idea of the woman Jeff just wanted to bang finally giving in. Would have been terrible if that had ended up (man did I hate the set up at the end of season 5! fortunately that seemed to be a ruse to make a point, like Jeff and Britta getting together “just because it was how the show started” wasn’t really a realistic ending. I’m looking at you How I Met Your Mother. I bet that was intentional. It probably was? When did HIMYM end? I have no idea because time stopped making sense after I graduated college. 

Troy/Britta was interesting, and I was into it, but when it fizzled out that also made sense. Troy/Abed, hmm? Idk. Maybe. Haven’t settled on that. I sorta feel like they’re missing a person, like they should be Troy/Abed/??? I just feel like they have that dynamic where they need a third person. But who? Britta? Eh. Idk. 

Speaking of Troy, I really wished he could have made it back for the finale, at least! That was sad. 

And now for no reasonable transition but just because I just binged 6 seasons in 2.5 weeks and am trying to remember all my thoughts throughout: Chang. Chang was pretty annoying. Honestly it was a miracle I made it through season 1, I made it through in spite of him. He was better when he wasn’t a teacher anymore but still kind of grating. Not my brand of humor, sorry.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, Pierce was also awful. In a different way from Chang but still pretty unbearable. Does it make a difference that I’m watching this post #metoo? Or did everyone agree he was unlikeable from the start? I rarely found anything redeeming about his character and he always felt like he just didn’t fit. (Side note that I had no idea Chevy Chase was in Community until I watched the pilot! It’s funny how much tumblr manages to spoil with gifsets and also not spoil.)

Jumping around again -- so I obviously knew Donald Glover was in Community but I feel like. The next time I watch Solo. That it’s going to be very weird seeing Troy there. Mostly because I know if it was Troy playing Lando it would be mindblowing to him. I hope whenever they make the movie there can be some throwaway reference to this.)

(also oh shit but i did not realize until I looked it up on imdb during like season 3 but Annie!!! was Trudy!!! in Mad Men!!! I did learn this fact before the Don Draper reference)

The Dean’s weird obvious crush on Jeff sort of made me uncomfortable. i mean the parts where he clearly fantasizes about jeff (the puppet thing for example). outside of that I thought the dean had some good moments, and I enjoyed the plot with the study group rescuing him from chang, but whenever he weirdly hit on Jeffrey it felt like negative representation. sort of like “look at this sex-crazed deviant harassing jeff” and that was bad. i mean it felt like harassment. is this supposed to be some sort of comeuppance for Jeff’s womanizing ways? If so it still feels off to me. Is there something I was missing there? I don’t want to upset anyone or be out of touch since I’m the noob here so please if I’m off let me know. 

What else??? I’m probably forgetting so much because I watched it so quickly. Everything’s sort of merging together.

Oh! Britta!! I did see in a negative review that Britta’s character kind of got screwed with and I do agree with that. I wasn’t a big fan of Britta but it did seem like her character development (what development) really stalled. And the jokes about her being terrible at psychology were overdone. I get that she’s supposed to be the screw up but let her have something she’s good at? I guess. I mean I guess she did end up helping people so it sorta worked out but idk, didn’t feel like they put her character to good use after season 4. 

I’m saving Jeff/Annie for last. As I stated above I was predisposed to thinking this was gonna be like THE ship of the show. I didn’t hate it, but it definitely wasn’t what I was expecting, namely because I didn’t realize the age thing was going to be such a prominent part of it. (Didn’t realize the age gap from the gifsets! ...or at least didn’t remember it) I do get the chemistry there, but there were some scenes that felt really awkward to me. I was waiting for it to get better and it sort of had its ups and downs. Loved the “teamwork” dynamic to their scenes, but sorta hated the paternal vibe. Jeff’s “I do this as a coping mechanism so I don’t have to address my feelings for you” sorta made sense, buuuut I also thought that scene Got Weird. Also didn’t feel like we got sufficient closure. Maybe we weren’t supposed to. But I felt like for as much weight as they tried to lend it at the end, there could have been more obvious development and build up towards it. Like, for as much time as Annie clearly spent pining over Jeff throughout the whole show, she really didn’t play a large role herself in the final episode. In one scene, I think it was one of the pitches, someone tells Jeff he’s not really thinking about what Annie wants, and I would have liked Annie to have a chance to speak to that, but even when Jeff finally admits he “let her go,” she barely says anything. So, idk. 

I worry that the movie would reset the status quo. I don’t really like that kind of thing, when season after season there’s no real progress made. It was a staple of sitcoms, sorta the point, but I like a show that an be funny and have character growth. (I’m looking at you, The Good Place! not every show can be the Good Place...) It did feel like we got character growth here. I think what I’m actually worried about is the Gilmore Girls Effect, where it’s allegedly ten years later and nothing has changed. That was a disaster. If they do a movie, I hope they think realistically about where the characters would have gone during the time that elapsed. Like reasonably. 

Anyways. Those are some very loose thoughts I basically just word-vomited immediately after finishing the last episode. It’s definitely possible I missed some things, as I was sewing masks during most of season 6 and some of season 5. And I watched them really fast in general. So who knows what I’m forgetting. It’s all a blur. I’m gonna stop myself before I embarrass myself even further. And probably go read some fic. Yeah. 

[invokeinspiration]

Reflections on Orthodox Judaism/Hasidic Communities

Like many people during COVID, I am watching a lot of Netflix. I’ve finished the entire Vampire Diaries universe (The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Legacies), I’ve also binged on Hannibal (of which I am currently writing a very in-depth fanfic), and I have watched countless fantastic films. I’ve watched Ip Man 1 and 2 and will be watching 3 and 4 soon. I have watched The Lobster, Moonlight, Resident Evil, Adams Family, The Danish Girl, and The Hater. I have watched shows and movies that have made me cry, made me laugh, made me do some research, and made me think about the story and characters long after the end credits. But early into my quarantine period, back before April, I came across a trailer for the show Unorthodox and it began a journey that I’d like to share. 

Unorthodox is an American/German limited series on Netflix that follows the story of a young woman, Esther (Shira Haas), who begins a marriage in a Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn. She was a member of the Satmar sect that began with the Hasidic community in Hungary but migrated to New York after WWII. The Satmar sect is characterized as being more strict than the European Hasidic sects with a complete rejection of modern culture, fierce anti-Zionism, and strict adherence to male-only education. The story is based on the true life events of Deborah Feldman’s life depicted in her memoir. When I first saw the trailer, I was uncertain. I actually didn’t immediately watch it but after seeing the preview a few times, I thought to just take a risk and I am certainly glad I did. The visual style of the show was beautiful. There was an authenticity to the show that I was entranced by. I felt like I was truly in a Hasidic family and understanding Hasidic roots and traditions. I love it when good television transports me into a new world and allows me to really see all sides. 

Shira Haas was a breakthrough performer. She had a gentle brokenness that felt pure and raw. As a young woman, Esther wanted to be a part of her community but also felt a deep split emerging between her love for her culture and the desire for something that would break her from those roots. She made an extremely difficult decision by leaving her Hasidic family in Brooklyn for a life of uncertainty in Berlin. It was definitely a tale of an idealistic young woman following her heart, a story that we can all get behind. What was refreshing though, was depicting the reality of the loss of her community. It was never going to be a clean break and I’m glad the show told the difficult story as well as the happy one. 

She wanted to experience individual expression, something that was taboo in her culture where standing out made you troublesome and difficult. When her family told her to stop chasing after her mother that abandoned her for the secular world, she went anyway. When her family told her that her life goal should be to bear children and be a good wife for her community, she decided to chase her dreams of studying music. When she felt trapped in a loveless marriage, she wanted to find a passionate love. Even though she found moments of clarity and happiness, she still felt lost, trapped in between two worlds. The difficult decision of leaving home oftentimes made her feel confused and wanting to go back to the comforts of the only support system she thought she knew. Even though her husband came searching for her, she knew that she couldn’t trust that support system again. She had to create a new one.

As the story continued, not only about Esther but the dynamic characters that surrounded her, I became enveloped in the visceral empathy of their situation. I know that I am not a part of the community, but I could feel the turmoil as they were feeling turmoil. I could feel the frustrations from many sides as though I was feeling them. For example, Esther’s husband Yakov (played by Amit Rahav), was difficult to relate to at the beginning of the show. I know too many men in my personal life that have no interest in being truly sympathetic to women’s needs or follow along with the pressures of society without having enough courage to think for themselves. For the first few episodes, that was Yakov, but as the story continued, I began to see where he was coming from and felt like he was truly a good man. It’s not often that I see a beta male antagonist become a truly developed, sensitive man. It makes me feel hopeful that there may be more intellectual, loving, good men in the Hasidic community. These relationships, including every character’s relationship with God, were complex and ugly at times but it didn’t leave me with a bad taste in my mouth for the community. In fact, it left me curious. I wanted more. 

Netflix came out with a behind the scenes short documentary about the show and there was so much that went into the details of the show that really embodied the community as a whole. The writers and producers wanted to show as much as they could about the Hasidic community. They wanted to maintain respect for the community while also commentating on how the secular world sees it from the outside and how someone like Esther might feel trapped in between. There was still a whole universe I didn’t yet understand.

Since I, unfortunately, don’t have Hasidic friends to talk to about my new obsession for the community, I wanted to watch whatever Netflix had to offer. I came across the documentary, One of Us, which follows three ex-Hasidic Jews who left the community for a variety of reasons. Ari was a young man of about 19 or so who was sexually assaulted during his adolescent years and, after not feeling supported by his community, turned to alcohol and drugs. Etty, after years of suffering domestic violence in her marriage, decided to leave the community which left her in a custody battle of her five children, of which she subsequently lost. The third person, Luzer, decided to leave the community after he felt abandoned when he asked questions about God’s existence. Watching their stories also made me realize another piece to the puzzle of the Hasidic community. When I watched Unorthodox, I felt that it made most sense that women would be the ones to leave the community because they were significantly more oppressed than the men, as in most religious societies. However, after watching One of Us, I realized that men leave too. Men feel abandoned and invisible in the community just as women do. 

There was a point in the documentary where Luzer asked one of his Hasidic friends why the community is this way and his friend responded to say that, “it’s all about the survival of the Jewish community.” Without strict control, the community would fall privy to the secular world and lose its strength over time. It’s clear that the community leaders of the Hasidic community don’t want to lose people to the secular world. It is also clear that a lot of ex-Hasidic individuals miss and love their community, even with its problems and constrictions. I think that if the community wants to prevent more people from leaving, they may have to compromise by providing more support for people. There are times in every pious person’s life where there are doubts about God. For a lot of people, those doubts can be strong. 

For most Jews, there is profound respect for the rabbi and if more rabbis can encourage a more open dialogue about the doubts about God and the community, then perhaps people won't feel so isolated. For men and women suffering from sexual health or marital issues like abuse, there should be a trusted system in place to protect these individuals. It’s not the issues themselves that make people want to leave, it’s the feeling of abandonment of these issues by the entire community that make people feel isolated and wanting out. The specific issues discussed in the documentary may be why I have more specific ideas on how to approach a more progressive Hasidic community. This is what I gather from what I see in both Unorthodox, One of Us, and my own research. 

The end of One of Us left me to be more critical, rather than the appreciative aftertaste I got after watching Unorthodox. I appreciate that every religious community has its own faults, and harshly criticizing it hardly makes sense coming from a non-Jew. So, I return to simple appreciation, observation, and curiosity rather than harsh criticism.

If any individual reading this has any opposition, comment or question about my thought process on this topic, I highly encourage discourse. I love to be re-educated. 

However, my interest in the Hasidic community still has not stopped. It’s not because I am religious, but because I am deeply fascinated by the complicated world of Judaism and of strict religious communities. I also wanted to continue watching some of the more beautiful and interesting traditions that I grew fond to appreciate in Unorthodox. 

Which has led me to a bit of a different kind of show, Shtisel. Shtisel is an Israeli drama television show completely filmed in Yiddish. It’s a fairly recent show, with the first season released in 2013 and it’s newest season greenlit for production at the end of 2020. I’ve just started it but I am hooked. The actress, Shira Haas, who plays Esther in Unorthodox plays one of the supporting character’s daughters in this show.The show follows Akiva Shtisel, the protagonist, a young man who falls for an older, twice widowed woman. Though, his family disapproves, he can’t seem to get her off his mind. There’s lots of additional side stories that make the show interesting and I’m excited that a third season is coming. I’ve just started the show, but right now I am enjoying the story because it’s different than what I’ve seen before. I wanted to see more about the lives of people actually still in the community, rather than those who want to leave or have left. Shtisel is refreshingly different from Unorthodox, in the way that the Hasidic Jews in Shitsel are Israeli, which supposedly implies a more lax community. In some ways, I’ve noticed the changes. I noticed that there are women who work in the Torah schools and men who speak more freely about marrying for love rather than for community pressures, which seems to be different from the Satmar sect. 

I have a lot more I want to see and learn. I have a billion questions to ask about this world and I want to get to know more. I hope that more people become interested, just as I have. I want more people to find a new respect for the Hasidic community, the Jewish faith and of religious groups in general. I think the more we try to learn about each other, the closer we become as people. Sometimes, it isn’t as hard as we make it out to be. All it takes is a little Netflix surfing. 

Shalom.

[imnotobsessedwithtv]

I watched 13RW season 3 and I need to vent

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS DON’T READ ANY FURTHER

Last night, I finished the season after a binging session of a few days, like I have with the first two seasons. I honestly didn’t see the point of a second season, though I did quite enjoy it. They showed us the 13 reasons and the 13 tapes. We knew why Hannah commited suicide so it seemed redundant to keep on telling the story. But some pieces fell into place and I really liked that closure we had at the end.

The third season, though. As much as I wanted to like it, I wasn’t into it at all. What was there left to say and talk about? It seems like they killed off Bruce to have a storyline.

First off, let’s talk about Ani. I didn’t dislike her at first. Ani was a witty character that I was rooting for. But then she slept with Bryce.

Don’t get me wrong. If I understand it correctly, the writers wanted us to see a different side of Bryce. In the interviews after the finale, they talked about how he shouldn’t be portrayed as a “monster” because that gives it the connotation that he’s (or any rapist for that matter) bigger than us. I understand that. But I still can’t help but to look at Ani and think: “what the hell!?” Ani, come on, he’s not even that hot. Do you really want to be the girl who had sex with the boy who raped your (best) friend? I didn’t understand her and her intentions at all, and that makes me sad.

I would also like to draw the attention to Alex and Jess. What they did (or didn’t do) was inexcusable. I’m sure a lot of people might find it satisfying. She watched her rapist drown. But it honestly makes me a little sick.

And it sure is hypocritcal to then try to stop the protests at his funeral. Girl, you made sure there was a funeral to begin with. I don’t know if she would’ve been able to save him in the circumstances. The cold water. His broken bones. And not to mention he was probably pretty heavy to carry. It would’ve been really weird if she were to literally save her rapist from death, sure. But I am personally not a believer in fighting fire with fire.

I haven’t gone through what Jess had gone through, or any other sexual assault victim. And I am SO grateful for that, but that also means that I cannot know what goes on in the head of someone who did go through that. All I know is that I found it quite cruel and disturbing. And they both didn’t really have any problem lying about it, even after Clay was getting closer and closer to getting arrested.

At Monet’s, they talk about how they want things to go back to normal again but I’m a little confused as to what wasn’t normal anymore. I mean, at least, before the death of Bryce. It’s a cliché way to end a season, first and foremost. But secondly, I couldn’t help to think to myself: “I’m sorry but, you all are the cause of the drama you have.” That’s quite insensitive, yeah. But they’re all liars. And they’re all secretive. Even Tony, whom I really love (his EYES OMG). What are you talking about Tony? You’re best friends with Clay but you don’t tell him your whole damn family is deported? OH SURE

Even Ms. Walker is sketchy. Going around town, stirring the pot talking to different kids, always revealing half the truth.

That all being said -

I did like the fact that they FINALLY put light on a jock who is also gay. I’ve always found it pretty hard to believe there are barely ANY out gay/bi/...men who are profesional athletes in team sports. So thanks 13RW for finally putting it out there: it’s possible. THOUGH I mean, the execution of it.... ugh. Don’t get me wrong, Monty was horrible. Last season was HORRIBLE and Monty didn’t show an inch of regret. But they made Monty a scapegoat and I don’t really understand why they were able to pin the murder on him in the first place. They seemed to have way more evidence for Clay’s case than for his.

Cops all of the sudden believe a teenage girl’s testimony? That’s a first. It just seems like they thought: “ha, that’s convenient, dude’s already dead. No trial, no paperwork”.

ALSO not to mention that they could’ve gone so much further with his storyline. If you’re going to let a serial rapist evolve, you might as well let him evolve, too. But nah, he got wrongfully accused of a murder he didn’t commit right after he died. Speaking of, it’s freaking lucky that he did die. And that Ani knew about it, too.

I also have really mixed feelings about Tyler. Perhaps it’s an American thing. Like preventing an almost mass murder at a school is a good thing. I mean, it IS a good thing. But I’d still be frightened of him af. Americans might be a little too accustumed to school shootings. Me, though, I’m constantly thinking: “how was he able to almost shoot up a school in the first place?” I can’t say for sure, of course, but I think no one has ever really come close to almost doing that in my country. (then again, things that almost happened, you don’t hear about).  

I understand the pain and the hurt Tyler went through and what made him think the way he did. I like the fact he got better and got the courage to stand up and I love the fact that the people who helped him were actually his friends at the end. So good for him. But he’s still the guy who almost shot up a school and that scares me shitless.

And lastly, besides all that, I found the season a little too boring for my taste. The episodes were hard to get through. And I didn’t really get the point of trying to put the focus on Bryce after season 2. I’m sure we needed to know, in some capacity what happened to him, considering he didn’t go to jail. But this season was literally about him. The tagline said “Who killed Bryce?”. Um, I don’t care. He’s dead and it might not be so bad that he is.  All though, it was an interesting point of view. Especially of his mother. No one wants to be the mother of a rapist. Yet, you can’t help but to love your son. And that’s captivating. Or I mean, it could be. In reality, it wasn’t really. Not because of Brenda Strong, though. She’ll always be my ghost queen in Desperate Housewives.

In short, I understand why a show like 13RW is important. It really does deal with issues teens go through these days. And it’s tough. But now, more than ever, I really do wonder why the heck they didn’t quit after one season.

I mean, I’m still gonna watch season 4. I’m not sorry.

[jordanrosenburg]

Big Mouth Season 2: Why It’s Still Important

If you missed my review of the first season of Big Mouth, feel free to check it out here. Major spoilers ahead.

On October 5th, Netflix released the second season of Nick Kroll’s Big Mouth. I have been waiting for this practically since I finished the first season. I will say I didn’t love the second season as much as the first, but that’s only because the first was such a show stopper. However, the second season raised so many good points, that I felt like I should discuss it again.

The second season picks up right where the first left off, which I loved. I honestly hate huge time gaps in TV shows, which many Netflix shows are notorious for. I’m looking at you Stranger Things. Jessi and Jay were right in the back of the truck they had hopped into when they ran away. Jessi of course realizes that running away was a mistake, and her and Jay decide to go home. Meanwhile Nick and Andrew are dealing with puberty. 

Nick is feeling behind in his puberty, while Andrew is feeling ahead and freakish. I resonated with how Nick was feeling. I was relatively small growing up. I wanted to keep growing. I also was under the impression that I would get my period the minute I turned 13. I remember going to my mom a month after my birthday and asking her what was wrong with me. Just another reason why this show is important. It really shows you how everything will happen to your body in its own time. Puberty is not a race. 

The second episode was about boobs, and body positivity for young women. I remember being in the 7th grade and being super self-conscious about the size of my boobs. I wish I could go tell my 13-year-old self that she has nothing to worry about. There are still things I don’t love about my body, but I am definitely not as hard on myself now as I was then. We can be so cruel to ourselves as we compare to others. 

Jessi and Missy are left not loving their boobs when they notice their classmate Gina’s have grown in. All of the boys can’t help but stare at her as she plays soccer. Little do they know, Gina hates how big her boobs are. All of the girls start body shaming her, and the boys continue to objectify her. Missy’s mom brings her and Jessi to a Korean spa where all of the women are naked. Now, this scene was a little uncomfortable to watch because we do see Jessi and Missy naked. The good thing that comes out of the episode is that the girls learn to love their bodies. 

I won’t talk about every episode individually, but I need to discuss a couple more things. We get introduced to a new character this season: the shame wizard.

I could not stand him! He made all of the kids miserable. Andrew gets caught jerking it to Leah’s (Nick’s older sister) bathing suit, by Leah! Andrew feels very shameful, which is what releases the wizard. He then goes around and starts ruining the lives of the other children. He picks on Jessi so much that she becomes depressed. To be fair, Jessi’s parents are actively splitting up and she blames herself for a lot of their issues. 

Jessi starts stealing, doing drugs, and continues to lash out at her mother. Her mother wants her to see a therapist, but Jessi refuses at first. Jessi eventually makes the decision on her own to see a therapist after she realizes that she is depressed. 

Another great episode was the one about planned parenthood. They set up the episode in a skit like fashion to explain the different things planned parenthood has to offer. Missy explains cancer screenings, Nick’s dad talks about getting a vasectomy, Leah chooses a form of contraception, we find out that Andrew’s mother had an abortion years before he was born to the tune of “Groove is in the Heart”, and Andrew gets scared about Blue Waffles. I think everything they discussed was tastefully done and informative. 

There were some things they did this season that were straight up weird and unsettling, but all in all, I was happy with it. I hope they get picked up for a third season. I feel like there is so much more for them to shed a light on. I binged the whole second season in one evening, so it is super easy to watch, and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t even give it a chance. 

[likeshipsonthesea]

for the friends prompt: the one where [ross] can’t flirt

Thank you so much for this prompt! To those who don’t know, it’s from this thing I reblogged. Sorry for the wait, but I had a little trouble finding inspiration for this one. I wrote like two thirds of a version of this and decided I didn’t like it (idk maybe I’ll finish it one day) so I went in a whole different direction, but I think I like how it turned out. It’s a bit of a weird interpretation of the prompt but I think it works. So, without further ado, I give you

The One Where Dex Can’t Flirt

           It startswith some shelves.

           The roomin the Haus (Shitty’s, Lardo’s theirs, whatever) isn’t actually that big.There’s a reason why only one person has been living in it. They get some tipsfrom Ollie and Wicks about maximizing space, they bring in some dressers fortheir clothes, buy a whole bunch of those containers that slip under beds forextra space, but still. They both have textbooks, their own wardrobes, hockeyequipment. They manage to fit it all somewhere but they wind up with no spacefor Nursey’s books.

           “It’sfine, dude,” Nursey says, as he repacks the box he brought his books in. “I’llput them downstairs somewhere, it’s no biggie.” It does irk him a little,though, because he likes having his books close. Some of them are old, giftsfrom his parents with little inscriptions wishing him a happy birthday. Othersare well-worn from rereading, familiar stories he likes to have around wheneverthings get heavy. Some are new and have yet to be read and probably won’t beread unless they sit in Nursey’s face constantly and yell at him to do so.

           Nurseylikes having books around. The simple presence of them comforts him. He likesto be able to look over and see a lifetime of stories that he’s gotten to liveand settle in the knowledge that he’s got them to go back to whenever he needsit.

           Butthere’s no space in their new room and he isn’t going to make a fuss,especially since he’s actively trying not to fight with Dex this year. So hepacks up his books and keeps them in one of the downstairs closets and moveson.

           A weekpasses. Nursey comes back from class a little disgruntled, half because hedoesn’t like his new professor, half because it’s raining and he tripped andfell in a puddle on his way back to the Haus. Bitty isn’t in the kitchen, butthere’s a plate of cookies sitting on the counter, so Nursey snags two andheads for the stairs. He tries to remove his shoes while walking there, and thecoordination it takes to hop while removing a shoe and eating a cookie is notsomething Nursey possesses, so he ends up face planting into the couch. Heloses his cookie in a crease between the cushions and now his nose hurts tooand it is just turning out to be a monumentally shit day.

           He walksup the stairs with only one shoe on and waits until he’s pushing open the doorto his room to try and get to other off and he’s mid-hop when he notices Dex,wearing a deer-frozen-in-the-headlights look on his face, transferring booksfrom a box to a newly installed shelf.

           “Wha,”Nursey says around the cookie in his mouth.

           Dexflushes straight down to his shirt collar and starts stammering. “I—you lookedsad about the—I put up some shelves for more space and—so I thought that, um.”He winces slightly. “There’s room for your books?” It goes up at the end like aquestion. Dex is turning redder by the second.

           “You putup shelves,” Nursey says, swallowing his cookie. “For my books.” He’s a smartguy, really, but something about this is not computing. Dex put up shelves soNursey would have room for his books because Dex noticed that Nursey was sadbecause he couldn’t have his books in their room. What the fuck.

           “Not justfor your books,” Dex says, defensive. He shakes the book still in his handnervously. It’s a copy of The HappyPrince and Other Tales that Nursey’s had since he was a kid. It was apresent from his mama when he was a baby. It’s old and worn and Nursey halfwants to warn Dex to be careful with it, but he doesn’t seem to be damaging itat all. If anything, his touch is gentle and cautious and what the fuck is going on. “I can put things on the shelves too.”

           Nursey hasthis reflex thing where, when Dex is defensive, he immediately has to pokefurther. He smirks. “Yeah, like what?” He doesn’t really know why he does it.

           Dexflushes even deeper and those cute wrinkles show up on forehead. Oh yeah,that’s why he does it. “Like—like—” Dex glances down at the desk next to himand grabs his pencil case. “Like this,” he says, and puts it on the shelf. Theyboth stare at it for a moment before Dex mutters a curse and takes it off.“Whatever,” he grumbles, staring at the floor like it killed his mother orsomething.

           A softspot in Nursey’s chest—one he doesn’t let out very often—pushes Nursey to letDex off. He lets his smirk soften into a smile. “Thanks, Dex,” he says, quiet.

           Dexglances up warily but when he sees that Nursey isn’t making fun of him heraises his head fully. “You’re welcome, or whatever,” he says, his eyes stillunwilling to meet Nursey’s.

           Nurseygrins and walks over, dropping his forgotten shoes on the floor near the door.“I’ll help you shelve them. You definitely didn’t put them in the right order.”

           “Rightorder?” Dex says, recovering from his embarrassment a little, his flushmellowing into a soft pink. “There’s no right order, they’re books.”

           “Of coursethere’s a right order,” Nursey says, and they fall back into bickering withease.

           When hegoes to sleep that night, Nursey smiles at his shelves before closing his eyes,and the deed doesn’t get forgotten, but he doesn’t think too much of it. Herefuses to be the kind of person who tries to interpret every little thing fromtheir crush as a sign of them returning the feelings. He can’t deal with theemotional rollercoaster that’d bring. So he loves quietly and provokes Dexwhenever he can and takes only what Dex gives him. It’s easier that way.

*~*~*

           Then comesthe food.

           Bitty ispretty busy this semester. He’s taking one more class than he’s used to, he’sgot his thesis to write, he’s dealing with the continued press from the kiss,he has his vlogs to record, he has the team to captain, and he talks to Jacknearly every night. He doesn’t exactly have a lot of time to bake—not for alack of trying, of course. A lot of the time they’ll wake up to find Bitty hasbeen up all night baking and they put him to bed, muttering about recipes andhockey plays.

           But thereis a significant drop in baked goods. Instead of there always being a pastry inthe Haus, it becomes a fifty-fifty chance one way or the other. Nursey doesn’tmind incredibly, as he can get the calories in other areas of his diet, but hedoes miss the sweets when he’s on a study binge, or has a particularly long,boring reading for class.

           The firsttime it happens, Nursey is struggling through a paper he detests and every wordjust fuels his hate. He takes frequent breaks that involve groaning and buryinghis head under the pillows on his bed. He’s halfway through when he can’t go onfor the life of him even though he knows it needs to be done tonight if he’sgoing to have time to revise it before it’s due but he can’t, okay? He knows it’s shit, he doesn’t want to hand it in, heknows he’s only going to disappoint his professor, and he can’t do it anymore, he—

           There’s aknock at the door, but Dex doesn’t wait for a response for entering. “Hey,” hesays, and it’s not tentative like Chowder and Tango’s greetings were, when theychecked up on him earlier. He and Dex don’t soften things for each other.

           “Hey,”Nursey says on a sigh, pushing his laptop away from him but not far enough thatit slips off the bed. Dex eyes it, prepared to catch it if Nursey does manageto drop it, but apparently deems it safe and comes over to the bed. It’s onlywhen he sits down on the edge of it that Nursey notices that he’s carrying aplate of cookies. “Are those for me?”

           “Yeah,”Dex says, pink dusting his cheeks. Nursey reaches for the cookies, smothering asemi-delirious thought about how fucking beautiful Dex’s blushes are.

           “‘Swawesome,thanks man.” He grabs three and shoves one in his mouth. He groans as thesweetness melts on his tongue. “Fuck, they’re good. Bitty back fromProvidence?”

           “Uh, no.”Dex coughs. “I made them.”

           Nurseygapes at him, which he knows is gross because he’s eating a cookie and his momwould scold him so hard, but holy shit.Dex made him cookies. And they’re fucking delicious. “What the fuck,” he says,and Dex just blushes more. “Dude! You’ve been holding out on me! These arefucking good.”

           Dexshrugs. “It’s my grandma’s recipe.”

           “Remind meto thank her next time I’m in Maine,” Nursey says. He visited Dex for theFourth of July this summer, and Dex came to his place early in August inreturn. “And when I say thank her, I mean reallythank her,” Nursey adds, just to hear Dex yell at him. Nursey smiles into hisbite as Dex settles back down.

           “How’s theessay going?” he asks, nodding his chin at the laptop that sits at the end ofNursey’s bed.

           “This hell-spawnof a paper is going to literally kill me,” Nursey says, sending it a dirtylook.

           Dex frownsat him. “Wanna take a break? We can watch an episode of B-99 if you want.”

           “No, Iprobably should—” Nursey looks at his laptop, the blinking black line next tothe last word he typed taunting him with every flicker. The thought of goingback to writing that fucking thing physically exhausts him. “Yeah, you know, Icould do with a break.”

           The set upan episode on Nursey’s laptop and watch it together, lying on Nursey’s bed. Afew minutes in, Dex shifts on the bed to get more comfortable and his shoulderpresses into Nursey’s. Nursey is suitably distracted by that one point ofcontact for another ten minutes and then he screws up his courage to scoot downon the bed and lean heavily onto Dex’s arm for a pillow. Dex simply moves hisarm to make it more comfortable and then presses his foot into Nursey’s.

           Nurseytakes it all greedily, trying to remember it for when Dex leaves. He eats hiscookies and pseudo-cuddles with Dex and by the time the episode is over and hehas to return to his essay, he feels calm, almost melty, relaxed. The essaystill sucks, but he’s got the phantom feeling of Dex all around him in the cozycocoon of Nursey’s bed, and that helps.

           It happensmore after that. Nursey will be working on something, schoolwork or his ownwriting, and Dex will just bring him treats. Sometimes it’s Bitty’s food, piesand cookies and even cupcakes one time, but other times Dex will bring himshortbread cookies that his grandfather used to make for every holiday, or sweetbread his aunt always baked for Dex’s birthday, or coffee cake that his parentswould make for barbecues that ended with flour fights in the kitchen andendless giggling.

           Dex willsit with him and tell Nursey the stories of his food, and they’ll eat ittogether, smiling over sweetness. Nursey tries to tell himself it doesn’t meananything—Dex is just being a good friend—but as time goes on, their littlebreaks start to feel more and more loaded. They start sharing stories fromtheir childhoods, breaking into well-worn insecurities and long-held fears,getting to know each other through quiet, stutter-stop sentences. Sometimesthey watch shows or movies, and they’ll cuddle without needing to communicateabout it, the tray of sweets between them. One time Nursey falls asleep and hewakes up to find Dex has been watching the credits of a movie just to keep frommoving and disturbing him.

           Nurseyknows how painful false hope can be, but with every bite of a pastry Dex madewith that careful attentive attitude of his, the hope tastes more and moresincere.

*~*~*

           Nurseyfinally realizes what’s going on when he comes home to find his room without afloor.

           The dayhas been pretty okay in Nursey’s standards, starting off with a delicious drinkfrom Annie’s that sustained him during his least favorite class. Then he hadstudy group with a bunch of chill people that understand Nursey’s feelingsabout literature in a way the guys can’t always emulate. Then it was nice andsunny when he walked back to the Haus and after all the chill recently it was awelcome change.

           He’splanning on chilling in his bed for an hour or two before dinner and thenworking on some homework, but when he gets up to their room, he literally can’twalk in. The floorboards near the door have been removed and now there’s just afoot and a half of empty space for Nursey to fall into and die.

           “What the fuck.” It’s not really addressed toanyone in particular, but the guilty looking ginger who’s sitting on a space offloor that isn’t gone seems to take it as directed at him.

           “Oh, uh. Ididn’t think you’d be home this early.”

           “Where is the floor?”

           “Um. Well.The old floorboards are kind of in the trash.”

           Nursey canfeel his eyes bugging out. “Why is the floor in the trash?”

           Dexflushes a deep pink and Nursey would typically take the time to appropriatelymoon over such a pretty color but his bedroom floor is gone and he’s a bitpreoccupied. “Uh. Okay. Um. You kept tripping over that raised floorboard bythe door so I thought I’d fix it but when I got it up I noticed it was warpedfrom water damage and a couple of the surrounding boards were too so I priedthem all up and bought some new planks to replace them but I only have ahandsaw so it’s taking a lot longer than I thought it would, but it’ll be donetonight I promise, I—”

           “Dex.”It’s weird to notice, because Dex doesn’t typically ramble—Nursey has neverseen him do it before—but Nursey realizes about four seconds in that that’sexactly what this is. Dex is rambling because Dex is nervous because Dex wastrying to do something to help make Nursey’s life easier and he didn’t wantNursey to know.

           Nursey’smind likes to make connections, okay, and the rule of three is ingrained in hismind. His thinks back to the shelves at the beginning of the year, the homemadepastries all through the past couple of months, the hundred other little thingsDex has done in the past few months to make Nursey’s life easier or make Nurseysmile or just be kind. Friends do that, of course, but they don’t and Nursey isn’t sure why Dex is doing this but it’smaking the hope in his chest swell to unmanageable proportions and he justneeds it to stop.

           “Why areyou doing this?” he asks, quiet and desperate and too honest, he knows. “Thefloor and the shelves and the cookies and—and just everything.”

           Dex openshis mouth but nothing comes out. He closes it and swallows visibly and looksaway. “Nursey, I…” He fidgets with the nail in his hand. “I’m—I’m sorry, Iwon’t—I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted you to behappy, I…”

           Nurseyisn’t reading this wrong, right? He hasto be interpreting this correctly. “Was all this you flirting?”

           Dex turnsthe deepest shade he has in his wheelhouse, a bright red that makes Nursey wantto sooth it back down to a pink. Dex says nothing but glares hard at the emptyspace where the floor used to be. It’s as much of an answer as Nursey needs.

           In a featof unimaginable acrobatics—especially for Nursey, the king of clumsy—Nurseyjumps from the doorway onto a space of actual floor, and throws himself down onthe ground in front of Dex. Dex stares at him, wide eyed and apprehensive, andNursey doesn’t hesitate before leaning in and kissing him. For a second or twohe’s terrified that he’s read it wrong when Dex doesn’t kiss back, but thenDex’s hands are fisted in Nursey’s sweater and he’s pulling Nursey closer andthey’re really actually kissing andholy fuck it’s better than even Nursey’s imagination had predicted.

           “Fuck,” hesays, pulling away for air, as the acrobatics kind of took it out of him. Hedoesn’t move too far away, instead choosing to watch as Dex flutters open hiseyes and they’re even more breathtaking up close. Nursey sighs. He can feel hisface spread into a wide grin and he doesn’t expect it to ever go away. “I can’tbelieve that was you flirting.”

           “Iwasn’t—” Dex’s protests die on his tongue when Nursey pushes forwards to shuthim up with another kiss. That is a lovely new, unforeseen perk to this wholething.

           “Youtotally were,” Nursey says, grinning, when he pulls back. “It was Mr. Darcylevel shit,” he says, brushing his thumbs over Dex’s cheeks to mellow hisblush. “Don’t get me wrong, I love that shit, but you definitely can’t flirtlike a normal person.”

           “Got meyou, didn’t it?” Dex grumbles, but his lips are twitching up at the corners.

           Nurseylaughs into Dex’s smile. “Oh, dude. You already had me.”

           This time,Dex is the one to initiate the kiss.

           (Spoilers;it’s fucking awesome.)

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 1x03 Earth Kills

I’m a new fan of The 100, who first binged it last year, August to November. This is my first full rewatch of the show. I was planning to start it anyway and finish it before the season 6 premiere on April 30, and when I saw that Fox Serbia was airing a rerun (Monday to Friday, 40 min. after midnight, with repeats the next day), starting on 1st February, it was a great opportunity to start my rewatch in HDTV on my beautiful new TV. I decided to do write-ups and tag other fans on SpoilerTV website, as I did when I was first watching the show. But my posts turned into full blown essays. So, finally, after over a week, I’ve realized: Why don’t I post them on my Tumblr blog, too? I’ll copy my write-ups of the first 7 episodes, and then I’ll post my rewatch posts after I watch each episode. (The next one, 1x08, is on Monday’Tuesday.)

Spoilers below for all 5 seasons of the show. I go of on a tangents and make a lot of references to future events.

...

Wow, the show actually got good pretty quickly. After how bad much of first two episodes was, full of cheesy teen soapy stuff, I was surprised how solid 1x03 was throughout - I wouldn't be embarrassed to show it to someone to show what The 100 is like. I remember that I found 1x03 and 1x04 a real improvement the first time as well, but I was still unsure about the show till 1x05. I think it's because there's again some teen soapy BS at the end of 1x04, which put me off big time the first time I watched it, since I expected the worst, especially with the Clarke/Finn/Raven love triangle, but now I know that this storyline was resolved in a surprisingly good and not at all cliche way. Still, I was mildly annoyed by the ending of that episode.

Rating: 8/10

The acid fog! I had forgotten that it turned up in the show and played such a significant role so early. The Mountain Men were already killing the Delinquents 10 episodes before they even showed up and interacted with them directly. It killed 3 people - Trina and Pascal (random couple that we first saw just before they died), and Atom. (Atom also has the distinction of bein Octavia's first love interest on the show. Love interests tend to die a lot in this show in general, but in particular, so far everyone who's made out or had sex with Octavia so far has ended up dead.) And then at the very end, in the twist ending, Wells, the first dead main character, killed by another Delinquent, 12 year old Charlotte. I know that they wanted to kill off a main character to show how edgy the show was, but I remember didn't find Wells' death that much of a surprise at the time - that it happened so quickly, yes, that was a surprise, and that a little girl killed him, but I had already been expecting him to die and wondering how long he'd survive, with so many of the Delinquents hating him because of his father. Charlotte has something in common with Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia and Murphy - parents executed by Jaha. Awww, the early season 1 Clarke - so innocent and full of moral certainty, "saying things like "This isn't the Ark, down here every life matters", and pretty open about her feelings, before she started to bottle them up. I loved it when she said to Finn: "Why is it a bad thing that I don't want Jasper to die?" Yes, exactly! It annoyed me so much that he and others were acting like her trying to save a person instead of go around having fun and not giving a damn was so weird. Clarke's speech to Charlotte early in the episode, talking about the traumatic past on the Ark: "All the pain up there... maybe all that is behind us. Maybe now we have a second chance on the ground." Well, that didn't work out But maybe now they will have the third chance on the other planet. Our first flashbacks to the Ark - memories of happy life with the Griffins and the Jahas, before Jake Griffin decided to tell the Ark the truth, and got executed by his friend Thelonius (this is also the first time we see a person getting floated - which reminds me of Battlestar Galactica, which had many scenes like that), and Clarke got locked up for a year. 16-year old Clarke and Wells, and their dads, happily watching some 140 year old tape of a soccer match. Of course, this kind of happy life - while just normal by our standards - was the privilege of the elite on the Ark. In 1x06 we get to see very different flashbacks of the Blake family. Even the living quarters of the Blakes are very different and shabby. But at least they had books - books are always the cheaper entertainment. Finn is probably at his nicest and most likable in this episode. It doesn't last long, but at least in this episode he figures out that Wells is letting Clarke believe he betrayed her father to cover up for her mother. Finn figures it out and makes an effort to fix Clarke's friendship with Wells. Although, if I were to be cynical, I'd say that it's not an accident that he did it only after he had asked Wells if he and Clarke had ever been an item, learned that they had not, and concluded he didn't have to fear Wells as competition. And now that Clarke has realized the truth, we get the beginning of the multi-episode mini arc about Clarke's resentment of her mother for getting her father killed. But to be fair, Abby clearly never expected Jaha to actually execute Jake. Though the first time I watched the show, I didn't understand how she could still be friends with Jaha after that. I guess she could justify his actions by the idea that life on the Ark was tough and they had to make sacrifices etc. The show sort of comes back to this plot in season 4, when (in 4x11, after Clarke and Jaha has stolen the bunker), Jaha expects Abby to be OK with Kane being sacrificed, and Abby is like, nope, not this time. Murphy is getting very obnoxious in this episode, which is kind of a prelude to the next one. Before he was just antagonizing Wells, which was unfair to Wells but to an extent understandable since we know that Wells' dad spaced Murphy's father, but now he spends most of the episode complaining about hearing Jasper's cries of pain and saying he should die already. Meanwhile Bellamy gets to show his sensitive side, naturally, because there's a little girl nearby that he wants to be a big brother/pseudo-father to. It's kind of funny when people try to argue that it was OOC for Bellamy to put a chip in Madi's head so she can be a Commander because she's just 12 and he's protective of kids. He is, but his idea of protecting them is a bit different and consists of, say, giving 12 year old Charlotte a knife and teaching her to defend herself: "You cannot afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death". Since he was told at the age of 6 that he needed to be his baby sister's protector, his idea of childhood may be a bit different than most viewers'. Monty about Bellamy, earlier in the episode, angry about his comments on Jasper: "Power-hungry, self-serving jackass. He doesn't care about anyone but himself". This is just one of the times in these episodes that people make such comments about him (Finn says Bellamy cares just about himself, after they learn about him throwing away the radio in 1x05), pretty obvious irony as we learn more and more about how his entire life and his motivation is all about protecting his sister. Clarke is also playing an almost motherly role to Charlotte. Both Clarke and Bellamy have this tendency to play a parent to others, including, sort of, to the Delinquents .But this time it spectacularly backfires - Charlotte misinterprets Bellamy's advice to "slay your demons" and uses the knife to kill Wells, and she does it imitating the way she saw Clarke mercy kill Atom, and singing the same lullaby Clarke sang. That moment when Clarke mercy kills Atom is a pretty important one for the development of Bellamy's and Clarke's relationship - earlier on he was doing that thing that characters in post-apocalyptic shows often do, when they say things like "You don't have the guts to make tough decisions", which is usually about killing someone (Kane had similar lines in the Pilot) - or in this case, mercy-killing. He claimed he was going to kill Jasper if he doesn't get better by the morning, but later was obviously finding it hard when faced with the necessity of mercy killing Atom. One more early sign that Bellamy didn't really find it easy to kill people. Clarke doing that instead of him and gently killing Atom after singing him a lullaby is a really good scene, and you can see from Bellamy's face that it's the moment when he really gains new respect for Clarke. Clarke has probably seen her mother do that to patients quite a few times, Sadly, this is not the last time these two will get to have important bonding moments over having to kill people. That's how messed up their lives and the situations they are put in are. To be fair, the show does show a scene of Octavia mourning Atom. Then they have the next episode take place a week later, which is a nice excuse to never have him mentioned again. Also a nice excuse to show just one scene of Clarke mourning Wells in 1x04 and then never have her mention her childhood BFF again.