#i just dont wanna confuse someone
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letting the days go by
(got a feeling someone defo already drew this so i chose a different pose ref to the mv lol.)
#lowkey wanna try and draw this Beast daily before april but that might kill me so we will see#i thought of making them all music video related but then i learn i dont#watch music videos a lot i dont care abt em typically. and im finding it hard to insert hr into g/orillaz (to avoid maintagging) bc that wa#one of my og fixations el oh el#doesnt fit hr a 100% but fun song to reference bc I Just Like It and also Ha Ha I Am An E/NA Fan#giggle#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#high roller#guz art#also i do have a fr feeling someone drew this before but idk if im like#making up a post or if someone really did it i have like#the worst memory ever and had cases i accidentally made up posts in my mind that dont exist that end up confusing me SO
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“I could never choose a favorite between all the Gravity Falls AUs, I love them all equally!”
[Later]
“I do not care for Reverse Falls.”
#I don't care for Reverse Falls or Transcendence tbh- but I have more of a distaste for Reverse Falls#I didn't like Transcendence because I find it confusing but Reverse Falls… I have a bone to pick with that one#its such a cool concept you could be running with; but every time I ever saw it back in the day I ALWAYS saw someone sexualizing the twins#it was almost impossible to go through that tag without someone being weird about those two and if made my brain wanna explode#DONT GET ME STARTED ON WILL#I HATE THAT BLUE TRIANGLE#Bill Cipher had so much potential in that AU; Whats the opposite of chaos? ORDER. Make him just as deranged as he usually is-#but in a scary and meticulously organized way!!! it couldve been so cool!!! I don't want that winey blue baby!!! bring me back my yellow guy#anyone wild tag rant over I'm gonna go doodle and eat pizza I guess lol#prince rambles in this chilies tonight
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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yoosung is such a sweetheart tho like
he really is the first person to support ur relationships...
#havent done vs route this is based on jaehee and seven ahah#hes like NOW KISS#omg and he reads shoujo#ahh i just wanna hug him 🥺#yoosung kim#mystic messenger#tags trending dont know why but i think tumblr should collectively obsess over it again hah#anyways...FINALLY someone who isnt utterly confused by mc liking seven#hes like...ay mc just gets him#theyre a macth <3
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☼ for theresa?
☼ - appearance headcanon
WOO!! ok see. i haaaate the fact that she's canonically in the body of a 13 year old it makes me want to strangle the team sometimes bc you know part of their intentions w that one. BUT from a narrative standpoint i really enjoy how it compares otto and theresa as two beings in a body that isnt theirs physically stuck at a particular age which only makes her explicitly not being like him sososososooooo much better. id much prefer it if she just. aged slower or didnt grow taller or sm. in my head i wanna give her smile lines. she's short and has a bit of a round face. she looks incredibly young still so much so that people still feel like she's a child, but i think theres something in the way she carries herself or the slight wrinkles in her forehead and her eyes show her true age. if you squint you can see a young kallen but when you focus again you know its not her.
#i just dont wanna make her look completely like a child bro#also by keeping her short and easily confused as someone younger than she is i can keep the parts of#nhda as a theresa variant that i actually do enjoy!#<- everything except for the fucking whitewashing#asks#ty for the ask!! hope youre having a lovely day :)#ask game
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sky was transgender the other day
#i couldnt get a good pic of the pink clouds until i got on this ugly ass road lmfao#it came out yellow in the parking lot :(#man ToT i wish tumblr would just tell u straigjt up if someone has u blocked bc otherwise im sitting there thinking they deleted#im always confused when i get blocked by some random user ive barely interacted with at all bc i dont really Make Posts or anything on herw?#reblogger simulator#i wonder if maybe its bc of comments on other posts?#i think that tumblr should add an OPTIONAL feature where u write ur reasons for blocking someone in a textbox thingy and if u consent to see#ing it thats what it shows u when u try to visit their blog#IDEC IM JUST NOSYYYYYY I WANNA KNOWWWWWWW#alao i should be able to throw tomatos at posts and stuff#🕷️❣️
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a?
#someone im interacting w on isq miiight have me blocked i think?? but i can still interact so im so confused???#like i can still rb posts and even send a reply it just gets hidden immediately and labeled as a blocked reply#genuinely confused and now idk if i should interact if they tried to block me i dont wanna be that dick#ofc ik its partially my fault that their post got attention since i rb'd it to the big boy blog (to agree w them)#girl help idk if i should interact or not. i should probably unfollow tho i guess?#edit: some further info in the replies and begging someone to help me understand the social protocol for this
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its like wild to me how many people on youtube and here and twitter are like “its not gonna but hl2 but-“ “its totally gonna be a fakeout lol” “theres no way this is hlvrai2 its gonna be (insert other game here)” and like. people always saying like “IF they do hlvrai 2-“ and “theyre never gonna do it” like. ???? why do you its not exactly what it looks like. why do you think its not gonna happen. why do you guys think theyre tricking us. were you not conscious the like nine times wayne has looked into the camera and said it was definitely going to happen at some point. and he said now the gnome finale was wrapped up it was time to finally move on to the next big project (that was dependent on the gnome series being done so its pretty clearly related) like i heard that and when a big secret december project was brought up i thought “well that could be hlvrai2. ill be fine if its not because im sure ill enjoy any project they do but something abt it feels like it might just be time” and yesterday i saw the teaser and was like holy shit its happening!! and half the people are like nah its clearly hl2 but theres no way theyd ever do that so whatever. like ??? are these people all being sarcastic.
#like if its a fakeout ill eat my words but i dont think it is#liek i know they have joked over the years about cancelling it or delaying it 2 more years anytime someone asks for it but#people like itd be funny if its a fakeout but i think thats almost too meanspirited for rtvs#like an april fools day thinng or a like really obvious hinted at fakeout would be one thing#but this jsut seems very straightforward. they said they were gonna do it at some point and theyre doing it#why is that like hard to believe#sorry for overthinking this and shit im just confused#and also im not talking abt the ppl saying obvious jokes#liek look guys its metroid or finally gubgar 2!!#i mean the people saying they dont wanna get hopes up because its clearly not hl2 and im like. sure looks like it is to me dude#like if it wasnt i wouldnt be mad i just think w the clear hinting in gnome finale its just finally time
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Mettaton. Mettaton
#reflecting a lot on how i was into UT back when i was like 8 and didn't fully understand the story but rlly liked Mettaton#i thought he was a girl for awhile with like a deep voice in comic dubs bc i was stupid#and so when i learnt he was a guy i had lots of confusing feelings#im trans#shocking#idk he means a lot to me as someone whos more transmasculine in indentity i wanna look like him so bad#hes a guy but he still gets to be pink and campy and all#i carehim a lot#he makes me so sad in deltarune i “kin” him but only in deltarune#you dont wanna leave ur house because of being extremely self conscious and you don't like your body or presentation boy are you me#this isnt a vent prommie just thinking
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i am. thinking.
#like okay. j have been. questioning certain things for a while okay. and then a coupke of months ago i saw someone make a post#and it said that they were a median system. and when i looked it up i was like. huh. yeah thats. hm. but that was months ago and idk.#i dont wanna say anytging abt any kf this bc what if im not at all. but also what if i am.#i just. dont know. everythings kinda bad rn and this whole confusion isnt fucking helping.#and right now im in so much pain i just feel like doi g something stupid and reckless and probavly dangerous to distract myswld from it.#or maybe ill take some edibles. that might help actually.#whatever. might make shit worse. and i dont think sh whilst ur high would be a particulary good idea#sorry this js all way too much iversharing im. very kinda out of it i think ive been dissociating a hell of a lot reccently
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jype marketing/design team have me scratching my head at so many of the choices they're making this year
like. im glad that i didn't see that song on the tracklist but why are we gatekeeping the credits? isn't that..yk...the thing they're known for.. the thing everyone looks forward to?
#like maybe its just a design thing and they'll release another tracklist ver. later?#but i just don't get why?#i don't think i've liked any of the promotional decisions they've made this year#did they hire someone new? like who is making these choices#unless its because they dont wanna spoil the tablo thing i really just don't know why else they'd do this#im hoping its just the fact that i've lost all hope in jype but i cannot relax until i see these song credits#but this also just makes me so confused about that album ver... like why the fuck even do that in the first place#(rhetorical question i know exactly why)#stray kids
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i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.
#bpd#like i dont mean to hurt anyone else with having my breakdown on my vent blog on tumblr...#like the stuff i say isnt aimed at anyone in particular#and it's abt MY feelings which are so confusing i get a headache#my thoughts is my enemy and im such a broken and confused little girl inside fr T-T#but like yeah im sorry for upsetting ppl???#but really i feel so suffocated bc im constantly terrified of saying smth that will upset this or that person#or reblogging the wrong thing and making someone im attached to hate me#like idk.... genuinely my blog is supposed to be a vessel? a tool? smth for me to be able to put my emotions and thoughts down#and try to make sense of them. even when i cant. it really only concerns me. i dont mean to attack or hurt anyone else :/#but i mean i really shouldnt and i shouldve learned this lesson so long ago....#being confused and broken and mentally ill and not knowing or understanding things and being messy and#saying the wrong things or phrasing it incorrectly or anything like that#or like sometimes i have one thought tied to a certain emotion but it's only there in that moment#like when i feel so lonely i could die.. yes i do have kidnapping fantasies. bc i dont.: whatever i dont owe anyone a psychoanalys of mysel#but that doesnt mean i want want to be kidnapped by a stranger who doesnt care abt me... i know that would be awful and traumatizing and no#what i *want*. bc what i desire is love#but like i feel so much pain and just venting abt it or reblogging a post helps me solidify my overwhelming emotions#idk what to say like..... ☹️☹️☹️☹️#i cant even fucking blog or do tumblr right im worthless. and yeah i know i have a victim complex.. sorry 🥲#hmmm. yeah idk what to say like when i have breakdowns i have to get myself thru them without any support#and i dont mean that to attack anyone else.: we're all alone i know.#but idk how to deal w it so i just type it out. its not to attack anyone else its to try to make sense of my emptions i dont understand ☹️#anyway.. maybe i should just accept that im too fucked up and too contradictory for anyone to actually like me#there will always be smth that will make everyone not like me anymore. thats that.#thank u for the time u do give me tho i always appreciate thay#and im sorry i really truly dont want to hurt anyone else#i just dont have .. idk it doesnt matter im sorry for what its worth and if anyone even reads this#i hope not bc i dont want anyone to perceive me and stuff like i dont wanna exist to anyone#and im not on tumblr or post stuff for attention. im just in pain and have nowehrre to put it. im sorry if im lashinf out and hurting other
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k ladynoir is my favourite side of the love square, but I was kinda get vexxed at a certain ladynoir stan blog for dunking on Adrienette in s5 and dunking on ppl who love Adrienette the most out of the love square? 😭Saying Adrienette was boring/generic compared to Ladynoir, like I thought we as a fandom reaffirmed that its not nice of certain Marichat shippers to dunk on Ladrien as a ship, so why we doing this again 😭And Adrienette is far from basic, even without identity shenanigans
You can’t look at Adrien changing into pajamas for Marinette’s sake, and call that shit generic high school romance
#like yes im sad over how we couldn't have more of the overall love square focus and falling in love as a whole for s5#and am a bit confused over this direction based on end of s4#...but like i still like the adrienette we are getting lol#they have been so adorable so far and just couple goals#basically im saying you can be a bit disappointed but to get straight up salty and start trashing adrienette is...weird lol#and this is from someone who's favourite side of the LS is Ladynoir#and plz dont say their username if you know who i am talking about because i dont wanna get axed lol#lily watches ml
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Ngl the reason I don't join more writeblr discords is—well, firstly, I'm already in enough of them—but more importantly, because people get inflated egos over being mods way, way too often. And for no real good reason, either, given they're shit moderators. And I don't have enough energy in me to constantly parse out whether a mod is on an ego trip anymore tbh.
#yes im vaguing yes i know#IDK I've Just Heard A Couple Of Stories Recently About Servers I Already Had My Reservations On#And Each Time It Appears I Was Right to Be Hesitant. Too Often People Have Ego Trips Over Running A Community#And The Sad Part Is Theyre Shit At the Community Running Part. Or They Have WAY Too Strict/Confusing Rules#Or They Overinflate How Much Work They Need to Put In to Belay Any Concerns Raised By Their Members#NGL Each Time Someone Complains About How Hard They Have It Running A Discord I Roll My Eyes Stupid Hard#Ive Done My Fair Share of Moderation Over The Years Unless You Are Micromanaging Every Single Convo It Is NOT That Deep#Sad Part Is Some People DO Wanna Just Micromanage Every Little Conversation. And Then Get Mad Their Rules Aren’t Followed to A T#Not To Mention The Super Culty Ones. Looking At You WTW.#If Youre In A Server With A Very Clear In-Group That You Arent A Part Of? Yeah....#In Those Servers Especially. Getting Decent Conversation Is Like Pulling Teeth#And Anyway Like I Said Im Happy With The Amount of Servers Im In ATM.#Dont Have Need Or Time for Overcrowded Hyper-Regulated Servers With Mods On An Ego Trip. Sorry#alex has the floor
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Hh I have to get a blood draw tomorrow I Hate it
#someone in the replies of the blood draw poll was like 'i wish i fainted i hate them and dont wanna be conscious' like. no you dont#fainting feels horrible lmao if feels like youre out for hours and its really confusing when you wake up#and they dont keep going. they pull it out and either just dont get the whole sample or they have to start over#i nearly passed out once and came to to the nurse saying 'do you have a history or seizures?'#like no! but when you pass out like that you start jerking#so they cant just. keep going
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you CUNT. what the fuck.
#this is abt my new supervisor at work#i changed teams a couple weeks back cuz i didnt have enough to do anymore on my old team#and my new team supervisor??? seemed nice enough but shes literally just being a dick for no reason#shes just being fucking passive aggressive as shit#i sent her an email last week like 'hey im outta stuff to work on already n i just wanted to see if there was anything else i could do?'#esp bc. i literally transferred over bc of insufficient workload yk?#and she gets back to me being like 'well there is actually lots to do but since you havent been trained yet you cant do it'#and then proceeded to Not tell me who i should talk to abt doing said training#and there was a general vibe of 'its YOUR fault that you dont have enough work to do bc of your limited availability' like...#and TODAY????? today i clocked in n checked my email and she had#1) re-assigned work that i ALREADY FUCKING DID to another person on a flimsy fucking excuse#(she said that all emails to a given client should be from the same person so the client doesnt get confused????)#and 2) she sent me ANOTHER email being like#'umm you should have sent me an updated version of this draft with the issued invoice. why havent you done that already'#'also just fyi sweaty you have to actually track these matters until the email is sent. bc you are stupid and clearly dont know that'#'someone else handled while you were out bc you SUCK'#you wanna know why i didnt follow up??? bc i was OUT on monday (when the invoice was issued)#and it wasnt unplanned or anything. i communicated my planned absence HEAVILY in advance#and yet its still my fault that i like. didnt respond to emails that day?? bitch???#anyways. rip to me ig <3#whatever the fuck
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