#i just dont think ppl find it worth it to b friends w me like i dont give enough and i suck and im mean and evil

[hyvee]

Wat is wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i want friends but im sooo bad at making them and keeping them AND IVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THISSSSDS like my track record of being bad at friendship goes back as far as i can remember it’s just who i ammmand I WANNA DIEEEEEE LOLLLL hi

[qahwa-chai-coffee]

i never quote reblog lmfao but this is so specific to me BUT then i also know a thing or 2 i do to make living in inferno easy so:D

romanticize ur life, and start to focus on every tiny pretty aesthetic comfy lovely thing in ur life. no they won't fix your life but the idea is to ground urself and rewire ur brain to look for what pleases u personally even if for just a few fleeting moments!!

accept and learn to feel the enormity and grotesqueness of a) ur feelings and b) ur reality/ life circumstances (atm).some of ours lives really are very shitty and feel cursed beyond redemption idk so instead of a Rollercoaster of false hope and band aid solutions - just accept ur feeling are huge and scary and painful and life feels like its out to get u and the best u can do is learn to feel, find catharsis for and then let ur feelings pass.

curate a little routine for urself IMM BEGGINNNGGGGG YOUUYIII. idc what u can afford and can get urself to do (im poor, unemployed, in chronic pain, neurodivergent and stuck w my abusive parents w access to not even internet so take my word if i can do it u can most def do it :D). idc if u fall off often idc the stuff u can get is not Pinterest level photogenic idc u don't feel like it i literally don't care ; put a little routine for urself before bed eg ill have tea / coffee and listen to this music for this long and ill read 2 articles online blah blah and ofc routines to help u take care of ur hygiene and reach ur goals (whatever both of these things are doable for u, ur good and im proud of u!). i promise u guys delayed gratification and setting routines for urself will make u feel better vs mindlessly indulging in pleasure, it's not hustle culture u need to distance urself from pleasure and indulgences and comfort for a bit to be truly able to feel it

reach out to ur friends talk with strangers (online /offline) u don't need to commit to anyone pls just talk to ppl i promise is self isolation is really bad for u omg

try to eat whole food as often as u can,, it always makes me almost instantly feel good

i dont want to fall in to an argument about God and religion and spirituality but yeah whatever avenue of spirituality works for u do smth it'll make u feel better

cuddle a lot

speak ur mind and say ily and thank you and sorry be embarrassing and corny but ull feel good PROMISS

don't think of the future lmfao, what will happen will happen when it does and sometimes the next step that ur supposed to take will show up in ur life unexpected and you'll know what to do to get the life u want. live moment by moment and pls, especially for ppl like us, do not think of the future in binary terms and don't hinge ur self worth and overall quality of life at what u think (u) should (do to make) a good future. what will happen will happen and whatever does - best case scenario or worst case - it'll rely on ur resilience and how good and healthy u feel on the inside aka every tiny choice u make and things u feel on a daily basis. we will be okay. we are okay.

i have more so if yall want more lmk cuz i gotta go pee now bye

tips for living a sad lonely unhealthy life but being really chill about it

[hirokiyuu]

sols roundup masterpost

i mentioned i was reworking the original post on my ao3 and so here it is! please note that a) there are a LOT of spoilers under the cut  (guy who has 80+ hours and multiple multiple endings) and b) there’s a lot of ways to take sol and these are just me having fun with them, if u dont like thats fine but dont tell me i don’t care. lol. also worth noting i think time loops are most fun when they subtly influence each other so there’s a lot of that in here LOL

worth noting i think theres a few traits that are pretty universal to them? wants to do right and full of love are the big two, tho curiosity, (seeming) warmth, and ability to fit in w/those around them are also pretty important tho i think more flexible. its just fun the way various sols can have those traits like.... manifest? an alien-hater sol who goes hunting all the time is just as valid as a sol dating dys that wants to end the war. just different ppl they love and different experiences. its fun

with that. onto the Meat

1) solana (she/her (demi?)girl, loyalty leaning lawyer, neutral end)

baby’s first run! outwardly warm but pretty cold inside. hypercompetent everywhere except in her love life. fell for tang when they were like nine on the ship and just sort of, never stopped, feeling that way, including when she was 100 years old and had outlived tang by nearly forty years, partially bc fixating on tang as people were dying was kind of. the only solace she had. wouldve really benefited from a good therapist.

2) solanaceae (he/him tguy, governor, peace ending)

childhood optimist with a hero complex turned "realist” but actually-exactly-the-same-just-depressed-about-it adult. saves tammy and tonin and hal! cannot save his parents :) grows a little distant from most of the people around him as a result, except dys, who Gets it. avoids tang for pretty much no reason he can understand, just has a sense of She Will Hurt You If You Get Too Close when he sees her sometimes. becomes governor solely bc he wants to save people. the kind of person you can trust in your house with your keys and your valuables and then someone asks ‘hey whats his favorite color’ and youre like. i dont. actually know

3) solane (they/them nb, gardener ending)

manic overconfident freak. definitely a ‘i wont tell people about my dreams bc it’s like i’m a HERO this way!’ type. saves everyone and extremely proud about it. coasting through life from ages 14-19 until they go find dys after the bomb has gone off and he’s dating. someone else? which makes them freak out bc THEYRE the hero. so instead of being normal about this they become a gardener in a desperate attempt not to be left behind

It’s Bad!

4) solanaceae (he/him cisguy, colonial hero, neutral ending) x / x

this is the one ive been referring to in private as “fascist manwhore sol” and honestly. yeah. just as overconfident as the last but extremely charming about it. the kind of guy you kinda wanna hit but also can’t help but like? somehow manages to be close w/most everyone in the colony despite their various opinions. really really hates the gardeners + even sym, for some reason w/in himself that he can’t explain. 

in Love with dys for most of their lives but cant ever make it work, fwb with rex, dates vace despite having matching tattoos with his ex-gf. hes just that kind of guy. dies young and a hero, less than a year after dys disappears into the ridges. dont think abt it too hard.

5) solane (she/her nb, neutral end, roboticist on accident somehow but a social skills job wouldve fit much better)

if third sol Thinks theyre god this sol like. actually Is. extremely clear dreams, used to talk abt them pretty much always until her first trip to medbay, at which point she stopped ever letting adults know. kind of existentially exhausted as a result. using this life literally just as a coffeeshop au lol. poly but also probably aromantic; open rship w/rex, who they love a lot but no more so than literally any of their other friends. pretty happy with stuff! 

until they go to see dys off when he “vanishes” from the colony and they accidentally let it drop they couldve like. ended the whole war. he’s. displeased. they still make an effort to enjoy the rest of their life but when they die theyre thinking abt how they should try to be a better person next time. and also hoping they remember less.

6) solanaceae (genderfluid but generally refers to self as a lesbian, peace end, botanist) x

cheerful heroine! desperately wants to be normal and tries so so hard to ignore her dreams, which works kind of, right up until they very purposefully ignores the one abt tammy and tammy dies immediately after :) at which point they completely switches gears and uses their dreams to try and save Everyone they can. bffs with nem since childhood & into her pretty much Always. everyone’s friend! dies content and at peace.

interestingly, bc this is the route where i got paradox ending on a save, probably the sol closest to the wormhole + everything about it, despite not actually remembering much from his dreams. it manifests in other ways. lol.

7) solane (she/her cisgirl, neutral end, roboticist)

coward who can only be brave when it’s for the sake of the people she loves, most notably tammy who she actually dislikes until she saves her life, at which point she realizes maybe she Can be a hero too. better with robots than people, spent most of her childhood following cal around bc he was one of hte only ppl to make time for her. falls madly in love w/tammy; their family is her biggest joy. a good parent.

8) solanaceae (he/him agender, neutral end, doctor)

feral intense child who becomes a terrifying eagle-eyed doctor. max perception by age eleven, somehow. STRONG sense of justice. strongest belief is “if you ignore someone you couldve saved, you’re garbage.” not quite high enough friendship w/nem to convince her to leave vace as teens; helps her later on when theyre adults. years and years later after dys “dies” they end up moving in and spend the rest of their lives together.

9) solanaceae (they/them nb, peace end, entertainer)

awkward ace kid who always speaks their mind. accidentally destroys tammy’s confidence every time they talk. gets confessed to by both marz and rex, shoots them down extremely awkwardly due to both aforementioned asexuality and the fact theyve had a crush on dys since they were thirteen. takes their promise to let him go seriously to the point that when he tries to bomb hte colony, they let him, and when he wants to be a gardener, they don’t stand in his way. is alright with this at first but slowly begins to feel lonelier and lonelier about it as time passes, and when they die and realize they won’t actually be with him again they feel. Very Bad. pass on wishing they’d not let him go but resenting him for asking to.

10) solane (she/her cisgirl, neutral end, xeno wrangler)

ive been calling this one “cuckoo bird sol” for a reason. desperately wants someone to be devoted to Her and Her Alone who Won’t Leave, and feels like. cal is good for that. doesn’t like tammy as a result, which means that when she has a nightmare abt tammy dying she doesn't even care, it’s not like its REAL. yeah. It’s Bad! she feels guilty abt it and then feels bad bc she’s also happy bc cal spends more time with her but also she does sure feel like shes competing against a dead girl huh! so! that’s fun!

eventually she does work her shit out and realize she does like cal himself and does want kids on her own terms but like. the process of getting there! one fucked up kid. dies more content than she realized she could be, glad for her family.

11) solanaceae (she/her nb leaning, peace end, parent) x

rowdy. her heart is 80% love and 20% pure unadulterated rage. unaugmented, which she personally doesnt care abt, but she sure does get pissed off at ppl trying to be soooo nice to her abt it! too busy w/sfc stuff during wet and as such completely misses her chance to talk dys out of the bomb. when she finds him on the ridges afterwards they yell at each other abt being in love w/each other for forever and she manages to drag him back home.

in some ways this would be my “golden run” (full friendship with everyone) (jesus christ) but despite that her actual bffs besides dys are tammy and (unfortunately) vace. in another world i would retcon this to ot3 but in this one she kissed sym and then he died in front of her and despite herself she kind of cant stop flinching away from him now if he tries to make a move. they do hinge poly instead it works. has a boatload of kids and never augments any of them. dies exhausted and delighted and in love w/the world. 

12) solane (he/him cisguy, peace ending, parent oops)

delusion run! sol who cant stop talking abt his delusions even when he knows he should. pursues dys in the “we were In Love before so we will be again!” way not the “i like you!” way until he gets. y’know. lobotomized. in some ways not focusing on his dreams is good for him but also he loses a lot of his personality? focus? afterwards

teases tammy relentlessly but ends up falling for her but bc for some reason this run glitched and tammy’s pregnancy just. kept going. she never had the kid? so i didnt date her even tho he wouldve lol. tbh most of th ending for this one is what id consider noncanon for him but ill retcon it later when i have more Vibes in place

13) solanaceae (they/he, peace ending, astronaut) this is a dead dove run (mentions of abuse)

unlucky number thirteen :) sol coming out of a delusion run with the creeping sense that they should not trust Anyone with their secrets. a little disconnected from the ppl around them tho they get on well enough w/dys and tang. madly in love with the wormhole. desperate to get off the planet and back into space so they can see it, a sentiment no one shares until, y’know. vace.

in Love (lol) with him after his 50. first time theyve ever met anyone they think Gets them so they enable him. fucking crushed when he starts dating nem. when he offers to cheat they take him up on it, which means he learns nothing and they lose one of their childhood friends :) eventually they go into space together just like they wanted! it’s bad! die in the wormhole and i think thats the first time they ever truly, from the bottom of their heart, regret everything. never want to fall in love again.

14) sol (no pronouns whenever possible but sort of ok w/they, peace ending, farmer) warning for abuse mentions in this one as well

sometimes you get so badly abused in one life your next life it still affects you! kind of an odd child, gets along better w/congruence than the other kids but thinks of cal is like a brother. doing ok until helios lands and then it’s like. h

avoids vace like the plague, despises/is afraid of him but doesn’t realize why until after sol starts understanding dreams more. when he dies i think sol wants to be like Good Riddance but. cant fully. approaches rex bc sol want to know What’s Up With The Whole Rex+Vace Deal, end up falling pretty hard. dating sym also, the three of them living together is an Experience i think. dies full of Love.

15) solana (he/him tguy, peace end, athlete)

rambunctious! cheerful! kind of dumb! falls in love w/cal from a young age and is convinced they’re gonna grow up and get married and is subsequently crushed when cal starts dating tammy instead esp bc. cal sort of. lead them on a bit w/it. slowly falls in love w/dys in the aftermath.

a bit immature. plays sportsball even in the middle of war, tension with both cal And nem as a result despite still being their bffs. he and nem are on opposite sportsball teams for the rest of their lives and yet go out for drinks after constantly. she’s his sister, basically! dies pretty happy w/how things turned out

16) solanaceae (she/they, neutral end, merchant)

greedy greedy greedy. wants money and love and attention, time and people and things, everyhting you can think of she wants it. she marz and tang are the Terrible WLW Trio of Girls Who Might Be Dating. bit of a soft spot for dys she can’t quite rationalize, will be kind to him when she’s not to anyone else. fond of rex as well.

she and marz flirt by flirting with tang, aka the person she Actually likes. pretty happy when they finally hook up, but isn’t devastated by the breakup as much as she is.... left hollow. another mistake on top of everyhting else (capitalism, dys vanishing, girl shes liked forever dumping her, also theres maybe a fleet from earth coming but haha dw abt it) she tells rex abt the fleet maybe a year? before it shows up. dies wishing desperately she had been able to be kinder.

17) solana (he/him tguy, peace end, professor) x

sugary sweet! childhood friends with tammy, they’re v similar people. loves her a lot, cannot wait to be best man at her wedding to cal LOL. despite his gentle demeanor he is also absolutely the kind of guy to do Whatever It Takes for the ppl he loves (ie poisons uncle tonin to keep him alive LOL)

thinks nomi is like, the coolest person in the universe when they meet bc they can MAKE things. so so stupid about them. when they start dating its embarrassing for everyone but they are so happy together no one can actually say anything. dies happy but wishing he was more confident in himself/brave

aaaaaaaaanyways that’s the current list. for Now. there may be more coming. i have offshoots of some of these as well that may or may not pop up wwww generally for fic that isn’t set with a specific sol i tend towards an nb sol closest to personality+dreams to my sixth sol? cheerful and trying to help but also Just A Kid about it!

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 1)

“ I hate myself, so much, so intensely, so completely, I wish I just go away, disappear for good, & yet in the end, I always protect myself, instead of taking responsibility, I run away every damn time, like now, I’m too scared to even look at your face”. The real kyo under the layers of trauma.

This quotation is why this ep is not abt romance. Instead it is abt: Extreme self-loath, faulty coping mechanism, self-awareness & inability to make correct decisions due to suicidal thoughts & non-existent self-worth.  

This is a guy who’s literally seen death TWICE at the age of 4 & 15 (his mom & kyoko), is trying to avoid the THIRD (tohru’s) & is questioning why the FOURTH isnt happening (his own death).

-The layers of a broken self: Excellent writing:

I applaud the writer for choosing fitting methods to portray her characters’ own trauma. Yuki “ prince” mask & tohru’s “i’m okay” mask were fitting to hide their trauma & uncover the real personalities. However, since kyo would be the character to hide secrets & carry guilt, the viewers need to feel he’s hiding sth w/o knowing what it is. It was done cleverly to (a) tie the plot together, (b) build kyo’s character, (c) fit the climax, (d) suit his trauma of severe guilt & self-loath. Some of the things he does can fit two genuine layers: Both layers are true:

His initial refusal to open up to tohru in early se01. (Surface layer): he doesn't know how to interact with ppl who accept him as he confessed to shigure, (Deeper layer): he avoided tohru cuz he knew her!

He initially refused to join leisure activities & trips: hot spring & kyoto trip (Surface layer): he didn’t want to go with yuki (Deeper layer) he didnt want to spend time with tohru as he was unconsciously feeling that he’s stealing from her.

It killed him to see her true lonely self behind her fake mask & approached her with advice. se1, ep5 (grandpa house), se1, ep23 (sick tohru), se2, ep 8 (hiro’s remarks) & other instances.  (Surface layer): he was noticing her issues, & genuinely wanted to help her cuz he’s kind (Deeper layer) he was falling in love w/her & unconsciously wanted her to be happy with HIM.

There were times when there was ONE layer, such as: kyoko’s 1st grave visit. He was so off, rigid, unresponsive, & completely shut down. Everybody read him. Yuki, tohru, Arisa & hana. they just don’t know why he behaving like that. his trauma manifested itself deeply that he apologized to tohru in her sleep cuz he was “ too scared to even look at your face”.

- Kyo’s trauma takes physical shape: (Clutching his heart: PAIN, clutching his stomach : DISGUST) :

While confessing to tohru, kyo’s features spoke volumes. You can see disrepair, guilt, broken soul, sadness & surrender. His body reflected his emotions:

wide eyes (disbelief), Cat eyes (utter fear)

trembling body (overwhelmed with toxic emotions)

clutching his fists (anger at self) , opening fists (surrender to darkness)

hand covering face (shame), Hand around neck as he finished confessing abt kyoko & yuki (desire for death: the final judgement)

The most focused physical appearance was his fist clutching his heart: he was in so much pain as he narrated how he loved kyoko & found a friend in her, desired to make her happy, to find tohru for her, how his his mom withered away out of fear of him & how pitiful & sad he felt towards tohru for loving someone like him. It broke his heart to see them all suffer after knowing him. All the love he felt for them squeezed his heart tight, he wanted to pull it & rip it away. Above all, he was sad to loose them all. Sad he can’t be wit them.

Then he clutched his stomach: representing the pure disgust he felt at himself. As he realized that there is no escape from being responsible for their death, as he admitted he illogically blamed yuki, his disgust with himself boiled in his stomach. What kind of disgusting horrible person does that? blame someone illogically? I’m horrible, hateful & utterly undeserving to be forgiven. Being disgusted with one’s own self! oof! it was so well-done with animation!

-Tying Mature Themes with Child Trauma:

Through kyo’s story, there were different mature themes that excellently dictate his behavior, mentality & emotional well-being: Excellent writing!

(1) The desperate need for self-worth: To be good for once!

by constantly destroying his self-worth thro contempt (the sohmas), rejection (his mom), hate (his father), pity (kazuma/ kagura, initially), kyo searched for an outlet to be a worthy human. Someone who deserves to be loved for who he is. He found that in kyoko. It is brilliant that kyo didn’t look for a mom in kyoko. He called her “ old hag”, she told him unflattering facts abt herself “ neglecting her daughter”. she was his first real friend. He found comfort being with her. He wanted to return the intimate feeling he felt deep down, kyo is so hung up on giving as much as taking as it contradicts the notion of pity. The opportunity came! Helping her find her daughter! being someone who does good! Return the daughter & feel worthy of being a true friend, a man (aka a person). “ i’ll help her, I’ll protect her for sure! it’s a man’s promise” The promise in its core is abt kyo wanting to be a person. Not a monster, or a cat. A true real boy. Away from all the toxic past emotions. Being a man: means being a big boy (person) with good achievements! All this shattered when a better boy beats him to it. The boy who was always praised, loved & respected! kyo’s self-worth diminished greatly & all the toxic emotions came back!

(2) The downfall of faulty coping mechanism: Creating a Bad Guy:

I stated before that one of my fave scenes of kyo was in se02, ep23 when kyo lashed out at yuki on the stairs upon seeing the hat & how yuki felt nothing but pity towards kyo as he was stuck in the past while yuki moved on. Brilliant scene that explains why one moved on & the other didn;t. Yuki’s faulty coping mechanism was being withdrawn & shutting himself. This coping mechanism didnt make him feel better at all!!! Also, he doesn’t have regrets nor sins, he dealt with his faulty coping mechanism with tohru’s help & the school council & healed gradually. Forever loving the writer for writing the distinction between kyo & yuki logically without painting any as monster in reality. Kyo couldn’t do as yuki for the following reasons: ( remember the old theme of everybody heals on their own pace? love it )

(a) He was addicted to shifting the blame as it made him feel better abt himself!! he shifted his thoughts from “ I wanna go away for good” “ mom, why didn’t you kill me instead” to “ it’s not my fault at all, it’s yuki” No match between the two feelings! one leads to suicide, the other leads to feeling like a mere victim. The two feelings are wrong tho & He knows that! he isn’t ready to stop the drug. He can’t face himself. “ the bad guy, if he isn’t as awful as you think, who you’re left to blame”.

(b) nothing around him can make him feel better. Tohru? but she’s kyoko’s daughter! she’s a lonely orphan, carrying her mommy’s pic taking to it! why? cuz you didn't save her! Loving tohru? is good & I wish we can run away far & be together always! wake up! why would she wanna be with a disgusting monster like you?!! You dont deserve her! you who caused his mom to die, caused her mom to die, blamed an innocent guy! Yuki? yeah, look at yuki, you can never be like him, watch as his true kindness gets noticed by tohru, the school & everybody!! he’s everything you cant be!! he should be with tohru! not you!! Master kazuma? poor guy! you brought him nothing but misery! you see his sad smile, don’t you? he’s disappoint in you. Kagura? she pities you!

(b) Kyo can’t fix his mistakes. kyo watched as yuki got back with his brother, befriended haru again, goes back to the sohma estate for the holidays. he feels he cant have similar reweds as he cant bring the things he needed. his mom, kyoko, his bio dad’s affection, kazuma’s pride in him, tohru’s love & his own satisfaction at himself. kyo just hates kyo “so much, so intensely, so completely”

(c) his fault coping mechanism mirrors his dad’s. Kids pick up toxic habits from parents all the time. Even his suicidal thoughts mirrors his mom’s! brilliant writing!

3- running away from responsibilities: perfectly constructed theme!

Who didn’t? I’m guilty! ugh! one of the best themes in furuba hands down! Any other writer would have made kyo do it once, or twice & have him face it in climax & then deal with it. but NOT takaya-san! She excellently took her time with kyo repeating this exact mistakes over & over to better portray the theme & take it out from the boundaries of story-telling to realistic depiction & logical gradual progression:

kyo ran away from being accused of killing his mom (he’s completely innocent & isn’t responsible for his birth’s deformity/curse nor his mom’s suicide)

kyo ran away from accepting kyoko’s words that yuki isnt bad & most importantly that kyo is good. He had found relief in blaming yuki, now you wanna tell me I should look into myself? I’m bad! i dont wanna look. your words are weird “ no bad or good”  Everybody says otherwise, the sohmas, dad & mom! kyo angrily ran away (completely guilty but excused as child would be).

kyo ran away from facing kyoko’s body & wanted to punish himself with death. Depression took over him as “ master tried to get me to keep living”. (completely guilty in his own eyes, if only he tried to safe her, even if he transformed, Even if she still died regardless!!! he hates himself for choosing the disgusting kyo over the kind kyoko)

kyo ran away from telling tohru the truth upon seeing her, pretended not to know her, slowly dying each time she smiles, slowly falling in love & wishing for a chance with her, a chance he believes doesn't deserve.

Kyo ran away in se01, ep14 when remembering the accident as shigure ��triggered him. Tohru consoled him & he lost the chance to come clean.

kyo is running away now. Unable to face her “ too scared to even look at your face”. “ I cant forgive me! I dont want you to fogive me either”

So, after running away the first time, kyo should’ve learned better, right? now in the climax, he shouldn’t  have run away? Yes, he should. cuz simply, he isnt ready. We dont learn from our mistakes cuz someone told us. we learn when we fix the core issue. A guy who thinks he deserves a chance in life would stand tall, confess his sins, argues, talks, tells the story unbiased,  then waits for verdict. kyo thinks he doesn’t deserve to be alive, thus, tells the story with server bias towards judging himself as unworthy. HE decided the verdict & didnt wait for tohru: “ I cant forgive ME! I dont want you to forgive me either” That’s why toru’s words fall flat. “ why cant you see the truth: I love you” he can’t tohru!! cuz right now it is NOT abt love. It is abt trauma!

4- Sever guilt & desire for disappearance (death):

As adults our mistakes loom over us & we’re constantly reminded of the “ what if I had acted differently”. This ties with kyo witnessing his mom’s horrible death at 4 years old. Death in itself is scary. A loved ones death is devastating. Watching it unfold in shocking unprepared way is destructive. kyo was destroyed. Not enough: he gotta carry the guilt as his dad & the sohma hammer the accusations. He gets another chance & loves another person. Only to watch the blood splash reach his shoes. “Guilty” whispers the past. “Guilty” confirms the present. He stands in front of the most precious person to him. Now what? If tohru forgives you, the pain goes away???? You wouldn’t repeat the ultimate mistake of killing her, would you? you ominous creature. Her mom warned you. The nightmare stands hovering over kyo’s head, waiting to come true. IT WILL COME TRUE!!! OMG!!!

if Akito does it. It wouldn’t be kyo’s fault, right?  If the car hit kyoko, it’s not my fault, right? if my mom did it herself, it wouldn’t be my fault, right?

But if only kyo didnt ran away, tohru would be alive. If only I pulled kyoko, she wouldn’t have died. If only I wasn’t born, mom wouldn't have killed herself.

The “ if only “ that killed kyo’s mom as she lamented “ if only I gave birth to the rat” will eventually destroy kyo! ugh!!! AMAZING WRITING!!!

5- The Right Time to Heal (self-desire or outside help?):

When yuki was trapped in Akito’s room, haru visited to help. did yuki accept it? NO. yuki didnt even remember much of it. Why? cuz it wasn’t the right time & yuki was too deep into darkness to notice, to accept & to change. It wasnt until he was out, in co-ed school, rebelling against akito, when tohru came, he accepted her, then it lead him to accept School Council & haru. Tohru had Arisa & hana, but never went to them in her darkest moment, hiding she was living in a tent, they were hurt & confronted her, still she kept hiding her fears, sadness & darkest thoughts, interfering in Arisa’s life to provide help, but never allowing them to interfere, until kyo came & broke her mask, she started to complain, talk, show true emotions & want things! She opened up to Isuzu, too. Arisa & hana weren’t the right ppl at the right time for tohru to heal. Kyo had kazuma to teach him better, kyoko to make him notice his mistakes, tohru to love him unconditionally, the right ppl, but all that was in the wrong time cuz he’s in his darkest moment now like yuki was, unable to see or accept. Healing requires self-desire & outside help, but it gotta be in the right moment, when you can see beyond the abyss & into the faint light of dawn. That’s when words will reach the heart. Kyo need to fall so hard, in order to stand up again. Today, he unloaded his burden, threw up the disgust he felt towards himself, spewed all the hate against the real bad guy: himself! Kyo is kyo’s bad guy, has always been. He needs to let go of hating himself & accept the kind gentle kyo that kyoko & tohru saw ~

Side Notes:

This ep is why furuba wins & deserves 20 years of recognition among manga-readers! this story is real! it is NO sweet fairy tale of two lovers. It is abt one’s self & desire to live. All of them struggle with  this particular desire: kyo, tohru, yuki & the rest.

kid kyo was looking for young tohru all night! T_T

this ep of kyo confessing/ narrating his past , reminded me of yuki’s 3 eps of him confessing/ narrating his past!!! ugh! I wish tohru had that! ahhhh.

The 4 months in the mountains weren’t training!!!!! they were depression & suicidal thoughts! ouch!!

Perspectives are what dictate our feelings: Through yuki’s eyes, kyo was so happy with a loving father, friends around him & a house outside the sohmas. Thus, yuki envied him & wished to die not knowing kyo was living in trauma & feeling utter contempt & self-loath. Through kyo’s eyes, yuki was so happy with a living loving family, friends around him & a house with respect. Thus, kyo envied him & wished to die Not knowing that yuki was suffering abuse & neglect!

I love the pacing of this ep!!! It gives room to feel pain & understand the situation!!! I didn’t feel the headache of the bullet train!! THANK GOD!!! SO SATISFIED!!! I was invested all the time!

kyoko’s “ I’ll never forgive you” really destroyed kyo & went beyond it to destroy her own daughter! AAAAAAHHHH ~ T_T

I have some issues with the “ I forgot” part. It makes no sense that they make him forget the accident only to do the cheap cliff hanger in ep 6, then lazily weave it into his confession to tohru in ep. 8. He always remembered the accident. Apologized to tohru in her sleep in se01. ep14 for that exact accident, Then in se02, ep 9. It was ALWAYS in his mind! ALWAYS. Sorry Mr. Director. very lame try. lol.

The only thing I didn’t like is the music! very weird choices throughout the ep! especially at the end. Why a happy music over kyo’s “ I’m disappointed in you? lol!! its sad & tragic?! weird!!!!

I will talk abt Tohru will be in part 2. (her choice, kyo’s answer to her & the need to let go of her mom, the sohmas & of... kyo.

[rosyerim]

bad boy au | na jaemin

na jaemin, the notorious playboy of his school

literally flirts his way out of trouble

his english teacher caught his cheating during his test and what did jaemin do? wink and slide the paper up his sleeves

“ah you must be mistaken i would never cheat on a test! esp w a teacher as pretty as you ♥ ~(◠‿◕✿)”

cue the teacher blushin and letting him off and jeno laughing at him getting caught

part of the dreamie squad obviously 

the whole group of them are absolute hearthrobs

but jaemin is like the leader ever since mark graduated ot7(╥﹏╥)o

whenever he walks down the hall or into class, guaranteed the students are squealing and highkey blushing

i mean who isn’t, jaemin is a god???

he’s also known for playing around w girls and boys

its never too serious as jaemin always cuts it off when if they say i love you

homeboy isn’t about that committed life

which sucks for the ppl he has a thing with

because he treats them so good

always taking them out on the cutest dates, to the newest cafe, the aquarium, the ice cream shop even simple dates in the park!!

 pulling out their chair for them, holding the door open for them all that gentleman ish!!

but they always want more from jaemin

jaemin is known to be affectionate w his own friends but he’s never done any pda with his flings

which confuses them bc??does jaemin like me?? 

the answer is; no

despite what he says while flirting he rarely means any of it, he just likes the reactions he gets like,

when he compliments them and they turn red

or he holds their hand and they get all shy

but he loses interest in them as quickly as he gets it and is quick to cut it off

which does make him a bit of an asshole in that sense

but he does it in such a nice way they can’t get mad

he also dyes his hair so!!much!! 

how hasn’t it fallen out yet!!!

also kind of a stoner

psa; dont do drugs kids if ur underage!! this is just an au!!!

he likes to get faded behind the abandoned carnival the dreamies have dubbed as their hangout

its rlly just a closed down amusement park thats rlly old and they just spray painted DREAM on everything they could find but the dreamies love the eerie feeling they get in ther and like to pretend they own it

AND theirs no cops around so they can do what they like

which usually means getting crossfaded or having the occasional bonfire/party but most of the time they just get a truckload of candy and challenge each other on pokemon w their nintendos lol

he also likes the feeling of his surroundings being numb and always ends up falling asleep after he finishes a blunt

which leaves a sleepy and clingy jaemin stuck w the rest of the dreamies

jaemin doesn’t let himself smoke around his flings as he doesn’t trust them nearly as much as his boys

lowkey has trust issues

but once he gets his daily dose of coffee, like 3000 shots of espresso he is A W A K E

the dreamies are the worst for almost getting in trouble

when it gets dark they usually hop on their bikes, grab two bottles of spray paint each, and go on into their neighbourhood, whilst playing obnixous dubstep from their speakers

and cause total chaos 

they always leave dogs barking and house lights turning on in their wake as they cycle like mad men down the empty streets, streaking the road with luminous pinks and greens

they get the biggest thrill out of being chased by the local police

whenever the hear the telltale siren they all whoop and laugh in unison, shouting out bets on who will get caught first chenle and who’ll get back to the hangout first renjun

it’s dangerous but they get a real kick out of it and always make sure to tweet about and post it on ig

overall jaemin is jus your average bad boy who likes causing havoc

but who doesn’t like havoc?? 

you, my dear reader :))

you had just moved house and into a completely new neighborhood

 it was your fifth day in your new home and you missed your old area a lottt

and you were highkey bitter bc you didn’t want to move but your parents made you >:((

so sunday night rolls around and you were chilling in bed, watching some dumb yt video when all of sudden in the distance you heard,,,thumping,,,

like really ugly but rhythmic thumping,,,

and it was getting louder and closer to your house

so you being all investigative, throw on your hoodie and waddle on downstairs and open your front door, the porch light turning on automatically

and what you saw was a sight

there were a group of boys cycling up and down your street, attempting to do tricks like wheelies???and shit

but as they did their tricks they were spraying the ground so they left a lot of squiggly lines as they turned and jumped

you didn’t mind that, you thought it was actually kind of pretty

but what wasn’t pretty was that hideous music

you were pretty sure they were playing that im blue dabdeeda song but a dubstepped remix version 

and god it was awful

but you kinda assumed they must have gona tone deaf bc they were screeching the lyrics to the tops of the voices and one tall kid was trying to freestyle to it

yeah, they were a sight

��you noticed none of the neighours had come outside which meant this was a normal occurrence??

oh no, you were not having this

without a second thought you shoved your feet into your uggs by the door and stomped your little butt over to the group of screaming boys

one of the boys who was on his phone on his bike, noticed you storming towards them and quickly hit another guy next to him and so on

until all their attention was on you

all six of them 

if it were your old neighbourhood you would have been flustered at their attention on you and they were good looking and you were wearing an,,,odd attire

but you didn’t care

once you reached them you just crossed your arms

“whose playing the music?”

they kinda looked at you as if you spoke another language

until you arched an eyebrow and the tall kid from earlier raised his hand, holding his phone 

“uh,,, i am,,, i’m jisung,,,”

you marched over to him and swiped his phone, ignoring the laughing from one of the boys, scrolling thru his horrible choice of songs

then one of them tapped you on ur shoulder

“so like,,who are you? whats your deal sis?”

you noted he had quite an ugly bowlcut that was also bright red and you just rolled your eyes, before typing in a decent song in jisungs phone

another kid stepped forward and tried to look menacing as he stood up slightly taller in front of you

“like haechan asked,,what’s your deal? do you know who we are?”

you scoffed and clicked on the song, feeling satisfied as frank oceans song ivy played through the speaker

“frankly i don’t care who you guys are but your taste in music is shit and you all sound obnoxious”

homeboy who tried to seem tough was lowkey shook

and haechan just laughed really sarcastically 

“our music taste is shit? your outfit is a mess” 

your outfit was literally a large hoodie and uggs but like??your mom bought them and u liked them!!

“my mess of an outfit is worth more than that tragic cheap dye job you got ontop of your scalp smh”

haechan just gaped at you while the boys tried to hide their snickers 

you were about to leave before another one of them stepped forward, stretching out his hand

“yo you’re kinda funny, i’m renjun!” 

u just stared at his hand 

“yeah cool i dont care, bye”

ohhhh cold

you had stalked off from them ignroing their oooo savages behind you, ready to slip back into bed highkey proud of yourself 

BUT

not so fast

suddenly your met with a really smiley face with pink hair

he grabs your hand and kisses the back of it giving you his usual, heart stopping smile

“i don’t think i’ve seen you before...i’m jaemin and its very nice to meet you (◕‿-)“

but you are not liking his large ass smile

you rip your hand back and just arch your eyebrow again at him

“are you all actually deaf? I am y/n, and I do not care! goodnight!” 

and off you storm, this time actually making it to your door

you spare one more glance at them as you’re closing it 

and the group are almost crying bc they’re laughing so hard at jaemin whose looking over at you 

and he just winks at as u slam the door shut 

damn reader, ur wildt

once you’re back in your room you hear the group disappearing down the street, smiling as you hear frank ocean’s voice float away slowly

you peak out your window to see if they’re all gone but what you see leaves your mouth gaping

there in a mix of luminous pink and greens, spelled out in capitals is

TILL NEXT TIME Y/N ♥

there was gona b a next time??? oh no poor you ;)

[luvargas]

     i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER ,  AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o’ divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma ! 

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back   

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY 

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff.  also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl 

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her 

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny 

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out ! 

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 ) 

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

[chil2de]

bestie i simp for toji like i never did for anyone before (except gintoki and that's VALID), but i don't think it would work if he ever met me in reality because my whole personality is just no fucks given and only soft for the ones who actually put effort in that relationship with and i feel like i'd be too hard to break for toji. i just feel like he'd want an easy chick for one night djkdksk listen, my friends have scary dog privileges because of me

[pulls out a chair]

alright, listen here you lil shi— i’m joking AHBFUAGFH i’m 5’2 i can’t possibly intimidate you

while it is canon that... toji literally hopped.. woman to woman- to pay his rent LMFAOGBAIVN— i still stand by the fact when i say that dude was not raised a quitter. and besides, why is this such a negative thing? don’t you think toji would want that in a woman? bro homie would see ur delicious snack looking self and think, dam. i gotta wed this woman

dude??? if anything he would find it amusing??? don’t u think that after a while he wouldn’t get bored of being able to seduce women with a single look or a few phrases, i think it would pique his interest big time. whether that’s u telling him to fuck off or whatever it would only fuel his ego lmao like “women don’t usually say no to me, what makes you think you’re so different?” kinda thing

in all honesty i think at the very start he’d do it to get into your pants jfbsh but along the way he’d actually realise that you’re worth more than that, that you actually deserve to honour the fushiguro name and that you’ll stand up by yourself whilst he goes off killing ppl for money. just dont b surprised if one day he nonchalantly asks for your ring size, kay? he means well

btw ur taste in men is immaculate even if toji is lowkey an asshole, gin-san is extremely valid and i relate w that 100%

u always need a friend w scary dog privileges, can’t have one without the other tbh— plus i love people like you i always feel so safe walking around so mwaaaah <3

thank u for coming to my ted talk :’) u deserve the world and nothing less

[stardust-make-a-wish]

Do you have any fic recs for haikyuu and fruits basket? c:

ANON I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING AB FICS BUT IM GONNA NEED U TO BE MORE SPECIFIC RE: HAIKYUU PLS there r so many pairings its hard to rec stuff unless i know what ur looking for.........i guess ill just rec a bunch of diff ones then !!! (disclaimer i am Bad at summaries- rambling ahead bc i cant control myself hxjsh)

i actually dont read too much fruba fic but these two r v good i love

must be love on the brain (that's got me feelin' this way)

💌　kyoru - 4.3k words | “Tohru has a secret admirer. Everyone reacts to it accordingly. Except Kyo.”

it has.......a rooftop scene......its got that good kyoru pining.....its so good ... (honestly this authors kyoru is just *chefs kiss* just go through their frba tag)

my heart on your sleeve

🧣　kyoru - 3.7k words | “In which stealing your boyfriend’s clothing is an art, and Tohru Honda has perfected it.”

,,,, post curse fluff.....established relationship kyoru ufhdhfgcg i die this is so cute and just....rlly good vibes

alrigjt OK so i have.........a lot of hq fic recs........ if u want like all of them here r my hq bookmarks u can sort through them theyre all gems but ill list like a few of my favs !! this is just going to b ship stuff bc i dont read too much gen <//3

• (mostly)canon compliant:

your wide eyes are the only light i know

🌱 bokuaka - 9.2k

kind of like...how their relationship develops over time., its a bunch of really soft moments i love it.. i cant do it justice in this description but its so so lovely...(this author writes the SOFTEST bokuakas i am in sha mble s... pls check out their fics)

From Tokyo and Osaka, With Love

🌻 bokuaka - 8.2k | akaashi and his birthdays from 17-21, or five years' worth of birthdays spent with bokuto

i,, adore ts bkak and this fic is SO HFJFJD i love it a lot ughhgdb its one of my fave timeskip fics !!def a comfort fic of mine <3 (this author also has a bunch of good stuff on their page !!)

you never have to wander, wonder

🍨 sunaosa - 23k | Between food sharing, intimate conversations, special smiles, and thousand-word pictures, this is how Suna tries to not deal with a crush.

honestly i am not even the biggest sunaosa stan but this fic is just so much fun !! i actually.. reread this one a lot FHDJ i have a few fics that i just tend to read when im sad & this is one of them ! its got summer vibes, v v good friendship dynamics + miya twin shenanigans,, even if ur neutral ab the pairing, this is just such an enjoyable read! (its also got fun socmed aspects.... internet famous miyas is always fun) (this authors fics also slap ahshdb honestly just check out the fics of anyone linked here)

all that you were

🍃 sakuatsu - 4.6k | Sakusa confesses to Atsumu with all the enthusiasm of someone reporting a traffic jam.

this!!! is the fic that got me into skts so itd b a disservice if i didnt rec it !! (yes...check out this author too.......their fics r always so good)

liminal spaces

🚪 sakuatsu - 26k | Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the team photo on his bedside table. It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

this fic made me feel things and also its just v vibey. i dont rmbr too much but its like....rlly good hdhd

• aus/canon divergent:

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

🌿 iwaoi - 66.3k

alright if u like iwaoi & read fics for hq u have probably read this already but it doesnt hurt to throw it in bc this fic is an experience man its SO good. it hurts so much and so good and idk its just kind of iconic

famous angels (never come through england)

📸 sakuatsu - 10.4k | actor au!! its got fun socmed bits via like movie review articles & insta posts n the like its v fun !!! the character relationships r rlly good even aside from the main pair! this one ive been meaning to reread for a while now tbh

as blood returns and returns to the heart

⚔️ kuroken - 8.5k | royalty au by same author as above!! this fic,,, has almost all the things i love in a royalty au and it executes them all so so well... u have... king and loyal protector...pining....rlly fitting vibes,, ugh this fic is so great (check out this author too their fics r v good)

but not for spring to well up

🕰 sunaosa - 40.8k | After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.

magical realism/antique shop au thats honestly just so thoroughly written it could b a story independent of these characters,, the miya twins r rlly good & the whole setting is such a vibe,, its def on the longer side but i enjoyed every bit of it!! all the magical lore was super cool n its just. so good man...

a certain slant of light

⛅️ bokuaka - 18.4k | akaashi is an author in need of help. bokuto is a witch who sells him a little light.

i actually just read this fic yesterday but i was rly going through it so i thought id include it fjfhg,, its a magic au still in a modern setting, (lowkey ghibli vibes honestly) and the slow build of akaashi dealing w his problems and growing more fond of these ppl he meets... its so lovely....u become so attached to the setting and characters and their relationships u rlly end up feeling right along w him........it has a happy end though dont worry i would never rec a fic that doesnt end happy mostly bc i myself cant handle it LOL. also the words r very pretty. thats def not the right way to describe it but im here to talk ab how it made me feel not talk abt word choice :’)

ok this was so so long im so sorry omg but i had a lot of fun putting this together & i absolutely have more where this came from if anyone wants FJDJHDJ

[elijahfitz]

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

[materialisnt]

idk how to readmore on this shitty app but heads up this is a vent about like medical trauma

headmates r scared bc we keep losing like, ability to breathe? like for a few seconds-50 seconds at a time, surrounded by shortness of breath, and like, emergency room said cant do anything unless oxygen saturation low, so because we concentrate really hard on breathing (when we can) n staying calm n awake when it happens, we havent gotten low. told us its a panic attack. we know what a panic attack is and have been doing, dare i say, amazing about staying calm, certain its not anxiety. anxiety meds also make other undiagnosed chronic disability (not life threatening) worse so scared of being sedated and losing even more control than we currently have. spasms so bad in er difficult to do tests. friend had to drive for hours to find pulse oximeter (hey ableds dont buy those during a pandemic unless u fucking need to) just to like. know when to get help? its not obstructive n not something on bloodtests (if i have any fucking guilty antibodies i dont think theyve been discovered/test developed yet), weve suspected neuro autoimmune disorders for years bc of the progressive weakness and double vision n spasms but like, no antibodies no diagnosis no treatment, so just. stuck.

so like, just, stuck? waiting for next episode n trying to plan so it isnt permanently damaging? and needing ppl who live w us to sacrifice even more time n effort n energy to help us monitor this n cope w worse symptoms n worse independence n just needing help with everything? like luckily one is paid by ihss to b our caregiver but not enough n this isnt....this isnt fair? its not fair to them or headmates.

i keep like internalizing "i just need to calm down" n then i calm down n forget to breathe n its just like....what the fuck. what the fuck am i supposed to do. how do i fix this. i cant make this stop or be better n i cant....be hurting n scared bc itll make other ppl hurt n scared. i want to reach out to friends but like every time ive talked about health stuff it just makes them uncomfortable n talk to me less? like i cant make other ppl feel better right now i need to be hurt n scared. headmates dont like friends i have in mind anyway. they think ppl who are distant when ur hurting n express hurt arent worth the effort. i wonder if thats how the friends see us. they think thats an unfair way to look at whats happening. they think i need to reach out for help and stick with ppl who stick around when its hard and scary, like family does n like roommates do.

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

found your blog recently. going back, read your head canon that mirio only likes cute girls and made me sad :'( so, how would mirio react to overhearing an old female friend of his admitting to another friend of theirs that, while they have liked him for a long time, they dont even bother cause they know they arent traditionally cute or feminine and feel completely out of place, and are afraid of ruining their friendship?

( oh yikes anon lmao. )

| mirio; scenario.

well he’d wonder / worry / hurt over what sort of uncertainty she has that she’d feel ‘completely out of place’,,, presumably only bc he’s not romantically or sexually into her? if they are long-term friends, going way back, their friendship has. lasted. a while now.so what’s she got to feel out of place about? can’t be the friendship, cuz that’s apparently solid. he’s got his own life & issues, so if she was that bothered by the situation she shoulda spoke up.cuz like. communication is a thing, anon.

if she’s that messed up abt her self-image just bc she’s not his type, then she’s tying way too many things into this facet of being like liked. i mean wtf. that’s unhealthy. this doesn’t sound like a friendship mirio would have; she’d be inspired to get some therapy or common sense before long, around him. i don’t think he tangos w/ bad voojoo like that.solve your own issues pls & thank. 

like why would his not wanting to fuck or smooch her matter. if he’s not into u like that, u get over it. u don’t attach matters of belonging & self-image to whether that popular friend u got that ur only ‘friends’ w/ cuz he’s popular, cuz that’s just. not how anything works. & u don’t suddenly not belong w/ an old friend or feel disjointed… just bc he doesn’t wanna fuck or smooch u. like… she should take a long hard look at what kinda weight she attributes to other ppl’s opinions/feelings for her, & wtf she’s using this boy for. 

in the unlikely scenario this is a friend he’d have: cue mirio breaking his brain over this. & approaching her bc he,, does,,,, communicate. hm. like, this sort of indirect approach is super childish & misses the point entirely. can’t be very self-aware.

mirio’s so full of love for his peeps that u’d know u belong - unless u care more abt the romance part than the family part, i guess. mirio is so obvious in his affections that there’s no misunderstanding them.he’s not the kinda person to not pick up & polish the parts where ppl feel weak either, so a lack of cuteness or femininity would be embraced?? just not romantically. mirio’d be ,,, p damn worried abt that angle. she does KNOW it doesn’t,, matter whether ppl,,,, wanna date her,, right??like girl u aight??? u don’t sound aight.

afraid of ruining their friendship is sort of fair, cuz that’s always a wheeze moment. it wouldn’t - not on mirio’s end, at least. if you’re content to be his friend while harbouring other feels for him too, then you two are cool. she can make her own decisions. 

if he sees it makes her miserable & she doesn’t sort her own problems out (bc no offence but those aren’t problems for a teenage boy w/ a lot on his own plate to handle, that’s her own responsibility get therapy or talk to ur parents) – he’ll cut things off. a) it makes him miserable to have a bond passively make his bondee unhappy & b) ur unhappy & this is bad for u & him both, & c) y’all acting like ur self-worth depends on his dating u & that is so fucked up lmaooo. like wtf why would you do that, fucking don’t.

losing a friend sucks… but they don’t sound very close if she’s that delusional - like i really can’t imagine mirio keeping such bad vibes in his inner circle. that shit threatens to enter emotional blackmail territory.

shit happens. maybe they’d grow back together after she heals some. maybe not. either way that’s a learning moment – not a quasi-romantic turning point of ‘no, i always loved u & my preferences don’t matter!’.

anon ur fishing. & u fished in the wrong gd pond go find smn else to cater to ur delusions of inferiority. write that fanfic urself lmfao.

[kathillards]

misc morphicon stories

ok so i feel like i’ve talked FOREVER about all the wild shit that happened to us at morphicon (running into rangers at the car valet!! meeting chip lynn!! azim calling us his favorite ladies at the con!!) but i wanted to make a write up for all the stuff i haven’t talked about yet because i have to remember all this and i want you all to experience it too!! it was so fun oh my god if you haven’t been to morphicon... start making plans for 2020 guys it is legit INSANE best weekend of my entire LIFE

- ann marie crouch is AN ACTUAL PRINCESS SENT FROM HEAVEN we ran into her on our way back to the hotel one of the days and we were like omg it’s princess shayla we love you!! and she was so sweet and stopped and talked to us even though she was on her way out for a nap and she was in full shayla gear she looked so pretty! and we saw her on the way back too she had changed into casual clothes but still rocking it WE LOVE ONE MENTOR ONLY

- jessica rey is so funny and adorable omg we stopped by her booth to buy wild force pins (kat and abbey) bc the wf rangers come PREPARED w/ merch and nobody was there so we all just started talking to her and told her how we loved wild force and alyssa and abbey said she loved the ep where alyssa beat up the boys and she’s so cute and fun to talk to!! she told us about the shades of pink panel and i was like “is alyssa a pink or a white ranger” and she was like “lol i dont even know” also she had her handler take a staged candid of us talking to her because she loved us lmao. and then we were talking about white rangers and all of us were like “fuck tommy lives we stan alyssa only” and she laughed and immediately started telling us about what a dick jdf had been to fans the day before lmao (also for real...he’s a dick) and i was like YOU ARE THE SUPERIOR WHITE TIGER RANGER god shes so cool she loved us and didnt wanna stop talking but we had to move away cuz ppl were lining up for her behind us rip

- RICHARD AND ANGIE oh my god ok so i’d stopped and talked to angie on the first day and also the second day and i told her i’d come back later bc i wanted a photo w/ BOTH OF THEM and i did tell her how much i loved madison and vida like we are ROCCA SISTER STANS FIRST PEOPLE SECOND and shes so cute and she remembered us every time!! and then on the third day i finally got to talk to richard and he’s so sweet we talked about mystic force just at his booth for like ten minutes waiting for angie for the photo op, he asked us our fave episodes and i said dark wish and he actually remembered it so i think he might be the only actor at the con who watched his season. and we told him we loved the mystic force theme song AND HE STARTED SINGING IT. and someone had left him a green zeo figurine for...some reason and he told us “i dont even fucking know who that is” (but nicer lol he is very charming and polite) and we told him it was adam/johnny and he was like ohhhh lmao i love disney era actors not knowing SHIT about saban era. like he literally worked with johnny. i love him. AND THEN HE ASKED US ALL TO BE IN THE PHOTO and since kat paid for half of it we were like aight its a group thing and its the cutest photo i love disney era actors only

- i think i talked about meeting dwayne cameron already but god hes so sweet and i felt bad for him bc caitlin next to him had ppl she was talking to but he was all alone so me and abbey just went up and started talking to him and i told him i loved overdrive and i told him i recognized him as ethan’s bully and we talked about tyzonn and vella and just overdrive in general and hes so SWEET and he HUGGED ME SO TIGHT GOD i think he really enjoyed us like. actually loving overdrive and being able to talk about it. AND HE RAN INTO ABBEY IN CARS LAND AT DISNEY ON MONDAY AND GAVE HER ANOTHER HUG hes so cute (angie was also there with him I LOVE DISNEY ERA SOLIDARITY)

- met monica may and cerina vincent on saturday, not a lot to say bc i only talked to them a bit and took my photos but they are both so beautiful and elegant and classy and i told cerina i loved her in stuck in the middle :’) ranger ladies are so intimidatingly pretty god. also picked up this huge LEGIT spd poster and im gonna put it up in my room as soon as i can because oh my god its professional quality it looks so cool. we also talked to greg aronowitz bc kat wanted her poster signed and hes so cool we told him how much we appreciated everything he did for spd AND THAT WE WERE ON HIS SIDE ABOUT FEMALE RED FUCK DISNEY.

- god what else uhh we wandered around the toys section a lot on saturday/sunday bc we’d kinda. seen everyone. and there were a lot of panels on sunday so nobody was at the booths. i picked up those amazing rider/sentai prints from ceevee SUPER TALENTED SO WORTH IT. also got me a meteor storm figuart B) which i havent taken out of the box yet but i will

- HECTOR AT THE CAR VALET he literally announced he would be at morphicon the day before and then we saw him while waiting for our car and SCREAMED and he was so chill and cool and he came over and hugged us all hes so hot. AND THEN LATER WE RAN INTO SELWYN WARD AT THE CAR VALET and he also laughed when we squealed and came over and hugged us all and guys he smelled soooo nice i was like right up against him i could have died hes so handsome and perfect.

- we also ran into steve cardenas at the car valet like right when we were all leaving the hotel for the last time and we told him that we loved him and i said i was so excited that it was rocky coming back for the anniversary instead of fucking jason and abbey was like “justice for forever red!” and he was like hah i know right anyway every single actor in this franchise hates jdf lmao that was just the vibe of morphicon and it was valid

- fun fact we did not see jdf ONCE. not going to the con, not at the hotel, not ANYWHERE. just his crazy lines. he was like the douchebag cryptid. im glad tho he can stay that way.

- i talked about meeting andre on saturday night right??? hes so SWEET I LOVE HIM he was so happy when ben gave him his fanart of eddie and took a selfie w/ ben right then and there and also took a pic w/ me and abbey ugh i love him i told him he was so valid for being a power rangers youtuber and liking megaforce AND THAT HE’S THE BEST INTERVIEWER THEY’VE EVER HAD (i also told azim this, i’m very passionate about this subject, every other ranger interviewer sucks ASS)

- jason faunt at the elevators!! hes so sweet i told him how excited i was for the anniversary and he said yeah theres a lot more plot going on and told me to take a selfie bc they couldnt stop him here fhjggd i love that pic i love him AND THEN ALSO later we ran into NAKIA IN AN ELEVATOR AND SHES SO SWEET I SAID “WE LOVE YOU WE WATCHED ALL OF ZEO FOR YOU” and she was like aww thank you so much!! a literal goddess AND THEN LATER AS WE WERE CHECKING OUT karan walked by us to go to nakia and i was so excited i waved and said hi to her and she said “hi baby how are you” SHES SO WONDERFUL I LOVE MY MOTHERS

- i think i told the chris reid story already but like. hes so charming and was so nice even tho i interrupted his express checkout but like. i Had to tell him how valid ninja steel was i was literally like fuck the dudebros they’re so annoying you guys fighting w/ that one guy on twitter over the kcas was the FUNNIEST thing to EVER happen to this fandom and he laughed.

- we also went up to kelson’s booth later and told him how much we loved mick and all his roles!! and talked to him forever about all of them, told him we were kalish/disney era supremacists, told him HOW GOOD HE IS AT VOICE ACTING WE LOVE FLIT AND NORG IN THIS HOUSE he looked so happy :’) i feel like everyone just compliments him on boom which, no offense, but appreciate your voice actors guys. i told him we grew up on disney era and it was like new zealand only had twelve actors and he was five of them and he laughed and was like yeah. i also told him how we loved mick and brody’s father/son relationship and he was like yeah they ended up liking that a lot too which is why they sort of pushed brody’s real dad to the side so mick could shine more and i was like that’s LEGIT. i also told him the prism was brody’s mother and he agreed so that’s canon now. AND I TOLD HIM how fucking dark ninja steel went w/ his storyline literally being about slavery and human trafficking and he was like I KNOW RIGHT and we just talked about how dumb everyone is for being mean to ninja steel and chris showed up at this point too and we all laughed about it together

- ok and then tbh we just spent all of sunday loitering around the megaforce cast but it was worth it because they LOVE US oh my god we talked to them like all sunday about just. everything. azim’s gf jordan was there and she kept telling us to just stick around we talked to her a lot, we asked her about alex heartman and like where tf was he and she said he was working :( BUT AZIM AND ALEX ARE STILL CLOSE so victory. azim also told us a bunch of little stories like how he and the megaforce cast searched for a house to stay in together and ended up finding one at the base of a volcano and he and drew would race around the volcano in the mornings like the crazy people they are, we told him how much we loved andrew’s ACTING SKILLS and “do you see any tears” and he cracked up and said “they used to call me ‘freaky tiki man’ all the time because of that one line” and he told us about other fan encounters and things, we told him on saturday how we all met and became friends because we were the only ppl who loved and defended megaforce and he was SO TOUCHED HES SO SWEET GOD i would die for him. 

- cameron gave us (me and kat) all his money to buy him lunch from the food trucks and i guess just trusted that we loved megaforce so much we wouldn’t just run away with all his money????? and he was absolutely correct we got him teriyaki chicken with garlic noodles and he loved us. his handler also asked us to buy him food and gave us his CREDIT CARD dfhdgfjgdf like power rangers people are wild man. who just gives their credit card to random 20yo girls and just. trusts that they love this children’s show so much they won’t steal it??? i mean they were right and we didn’t but still. AND HE MADE ME AIRDROP one of my megaforce reaction pics to his phone because he loved it so much (it’s the one of jake and emma and orion looking super done, that i had ben redraw for me, so we showed them both pics and all three of them LOVED IT) and cameron even looked ben up on deviantart to see it fdgjkdfdg he loves usss. christina was telling us how they were talking about us at dinner and cameron told her that we were his favorite part of the con :’)) azim also mentioned that they talked about us at dinner because he said to kat “we were discussing that you look like that girl from 10 things i hate about you who was julia stiles’ best friend” LIKE IMAGINE. HAVING THE MEGAFORCE CAST. DISCUSS WHO YOU LOOK LIKE FDJGKDHFJGD they’re so cute ugh and azim and cameron hugged us all goodbye and john mark and christina said goodbye too and i just. love them. so much. 

- at one point cameron asked me and kat how old we were and she was like “twenties...as a group we are in our early twenties” and he was like “.... so old enough to know how a hangover feels right?” and we lost it dfgjfdkdgjh and i said “if i were an actor i would just be stoned the whole con” AND CAMERON JUST NODDED AGGRESSIVELY god the entire cast was definitely hungover and they’re so valid. except christina, we asked her and she said she only had a milkshake so maybe she was their designated driver. 

- andrew is so chill too (i mean i do think he is perpetually high but its fine) i think he just loves talking??? like he’s there for the babies (so many babies!! and they love troy so much!!! hes so adorable with them) and then he just wants to chill like we went up to him on sunday and he was like oh hey did you guys see this picture and he pulled out his phone and showed a pic of the megaforce cast doing a goofy zombie pose at their photo ops and he told us his backstory on each of their zombie poses like. who does this??? he’s so adorable.

- and ofc we stopped by christina again on sunday bc she’s THE FAVE and shes just so cuuute ugh and i told her i loved all asian rangers bc i am asian!! and she was like omg are you?? and i was like yeah i’m south asian and she was like omg so that’s all part of asia too OH I GET IT SO WE’RE BOTH ASIAN and i was like YES AND YOU’RE ALL MY RANGERS and she smiled at me it was like staring at the sun tbh. i love and would die for her.

- when we went to say goodbye to the megaforce cast cameron just looked at all of us standing around his booth and was like, so genuinely, “you guys are the best” and it still makes me cry thinking about it. AND AZIM’S FACE when we all said “megaforce’s defenders never surrender!” to him he had the sweetest smile god i really would take a bullet for the entire megaforce cast in a heartbeat. they are the sweetest angels & deserve the world. if any of you breathe a word wrong about jake holling in my general vicinity ever again i will fry your intestines and eat them for breakfast thank you GOODBYE.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Hi!! So this is an honest question so i hope it doesnt come off as rude or anything- but doesn't the thought that everything you post here can be reblogged make you more reserved or anything? Idk how to explain it but whenever i wanna post something here i think about doing it for a super long time to be sure i want it to possibly be on the internet forever- but i see you're comfortable with sharing pretty personal stuff so i was just wondering if it affected you any way or maybe it was just me?

lmaooo it’s cool!!! there’s an unending AMA going on here and off the top of my head i can’t think of anything off-limits to ask about

it’s definitely not just you!! out of the ppl i know off the top of my head i’m probably really far and away doing the Most airing my bullshit. if you ultimately don’t like the idea of stuff just kinda sitting around to be seen by Anyone, that’s valid and there’s no problem with feeling like that makes you wanna Not Post some stuff

like this is especially true for young teens on the soche media…hell i just entirely threw out the blog i’d had from like 14 -18, and not because i was particularly embarrassed or anything, it just felt mostly obsolete. you can become someone so different in even one year and that’s fine and you might not want Old Venting and the like just sitting around out there. it’s definitely okay to be real private about that kinda stuff

i know sometimes ppl having sorta Compromises where maybe they’ll create a second blog / account specifically for talking abt personal stuff, and then only maybe allow friends (or nobody) to access it; or people will just tag everything with Delete Later and then go back and delete it later so it’s not out there forever, or just because they find it embarrassing soon afterwards lol

for my part, there’s definitely multiple reasons i pretty much don’t care

1. i never used to Vent post back in the early days. but one of my earliest examples maybe was this sudden essay i dumped on my blog when i was 16? 17? abt how unhappy i was at home. it took me till i was 18 to really start to realize that what i’d always lived with was literally abuse, and it was things like The Sudden Venting Essay that really helped me put it all into words and be able to organize my thoughts enough to write about it and realize that there was a lottttt of shit i was rly miserable about2. ever since then really i’ve found that when i write about something, whether messaging it to someone or just posting it in general, a ton of times it helps me kinda make connections or figure something out or just feel like i have a better grasp on an idea.3. even after i started maybe doing the occasional venting post, for a long time i was really hesitant about it, but this was mostly b/c i felt like i didn’t have ~real~ enough problems and/or nobody would really care. as for the former, well yesterday i was saying how i still have this underlying feeling that i’m an imposter / don’t count / not REALLY as ___ as other people or whatever, so i’m still working on that, but it definitely doesn’t upset me as much as it might back in the day. re: the latter—tbh i dont care if nobody cares. i write abt personal shit b/c i care. my entire blog is About and Because i care, and if other people care, great, if they don’t, ok.4. a lot of this is about having compassion for myself. i don’t look down on other people for making personal posts, so i don’t look down on myself, either. 5. more self-compassion: there’s probably olden text posts from the early days of this blog that don’t even sound like me coz my Outer Demeanor has changed a lot these past 5 or 2 or 1 yrs. but even if i stumbled across some Old Post of mine and was like “lmfao whats up w THIS loser” it’s like….well, i’m sympathetic to my Earlier Selves. this applies to like, me never deleting Late Night Sad Posts or whatever (even tho nowadays they’re never exactly like i’m upset, maybe just Melancholy or in a mood to talk abt something saddish) coz i’m like, well, even though rn i don’t feel like i Need this post, back then i did feel like venting to feel better! and that’s fine. i don’t find that embarrassing. it’s like if you’re thirsty on one day and you drink some water and at some random point during the next evening when you’re not thirsty you think back on that time you were drinking water and you’re like “wow, embarrassing.” well clearly its not a perfect analogy but the point is sometimes you might feel you need to talk, and sometimes you don’t, and both times are ok. its not an embarrassment to have been upset6. this blog is the most personal thing in the world for me lmao its my Main social media presence, goes back five yrs, and for like. well the whole five years its been what keeps me from being way more isolated than i am. irl friends have been long distance this whole time (save a couple exceptions) and mostly my way to talk to ppl has been on here. this was especially important when i was at my parents house for a couple yrs. it was fairly awful and being able to be in touch w ppl and being able to SAY it was awful was clearly important, and i became more inclined to write abt shit rather than hold myself back b/c my being able to say anything was important7. i still talk about things b/c being able to say anything here to people in the outside world is important8. i can’t be like “i cant talk abt this b/c its not important/interesting enough” coz if i did i wouldn’t talk abt anything. i just write b/c i have things to say, and this is my pointless blog9. i don’t expect i’ll ever become Well Known in any circles. for me the more likely concern is kinda disappearing either due to dying or incarceration or some other shit scenario. the times i talk on here are good b/c that hasnt happened yet and i have the option10. even if i did become well known, i don’t really care.11. also for uh…all the times i was living in my parents house thru my life i was really really isolated. for eons i was used to nobody knowing shit abt me and keeping p much all my thoughts to myself. nowadays this blog is what lets me be able to sorta Known and Seen and able to get in touch w ppl if we wanna. basically, there’s nothing TOO personal. i’m not even trying to push myself to “overshare” coz like i said, p much nothing is offlimits. i’ve just had a lifetimes worth of being very invisible and unknown to anyone12. actually i can still be very cagey abt myself in person. learning to be more open On Here is a bit helpful for that. 13. idk that anyone else would give a shit about old vent posts from me either. when i talk abt me im talking abt *me*, its really not even vaguely interesting when removed even one degree from that specific context. 14. maybe there’s the chance some shit will happen to be Relatable to other ppl and somehow helpful to them15. for example, a lot of how i realized i was actually experiencing abuse for real was thru anecdotal / qualitative posts abt it. sometimes there’s shit you think is Just You only b/c nobody else who it applies to is talking about it yknow16. maybe making it seem less a big deal to talk abt your bullshit if i unapologetically talk abt my bullshit17. i remember my younger self feeling like i didnt ~deserve~ to talk abt my own thoughts & feelings the way other ppl did coz mine weren’t as good, so i kinda do it for them / in celebration of no longer feeling that way18. i actually like to talk. i just usually can’t. irl i very very very very rarely talk at length about myself, i don’t talk much at all. for me this is where i get to talk19. hmm i may have skipped or forgotten something obvious but hey. for now, there’s this. no-limits milo they call me

[dreampvck-archived]

ok woW i see my last ask haha i'll try to keep it simple but i'll probably go over the word limit :D soo yess theres three dogs one german shepherd and two shih tzu! -- and yess i got side job on sat at my aunts trucking buisness so im not that broke anymore but also today in a couple hours actually i have a training trial? at this job so hopefully they get me if i dont fukc up!! and also did you hear back!!! -- ohhh~ i love checking out new or rec music!! so i will listen to it 🖤 (1) -ymt

i finally got an ao3 acct!! so expect my comment to be thereee but also go at your own pace im gladd you took time to work on it i can't waittt bub! 💕✨-- ahh my yoonmintae recs okk okk i'll put them in another ask so sorry for the spammm! >.

i've been listening to yoonmirae's new singleee i feel soo powered up now!! gahh it's called Kawibawibo 🔥✊🏼 also the recs : WHO IS JIMIN'S MYSTERY BF!! - pansexuall (its not done but ajdjs it's worth reading) -- Meme Works Makes The Dream Work - Taetaehyungie (its by my good friend :') im soft!!) -- Unmagical Moonlight - AlixSkyeDawg (rollercoaster of fucking feelss!!) -- so those are my top3 fav ajsksksk ok this is long hope our day goes good! ✨ (3) -ymt

ahhh lovely it’s so good to hear from u !!!!! i put my replies under the read more bc it got hella long oops :’’)

oaisdjfoisd okay i LOVE german shepherds !!!! 😍😫 they’re my absolute fave breed of dog ever !!!!!!!!! i’ve always planned to get one once im living on my own, they’re just so cute - i even have a name picked out n everything :(( but shih tzus are so lovely too !!!! one of my dogs was a shih tzu (he passed away two years ago) and he was the sweetest, most chill lil dog i’ve ever known 💓

omg yay !!!! congrats sweetheart !!! how did ur trial go ?? trucking sounds super exciting omg - do u enjoy driving ?? i hope ur having fun at ur new job !!! & yess i did hear back !! so i have a job at my local night club rn, but i’m on like a three-month probationary period before i get legit hired -- but i also got an email yesterday inviting me to a group interview at a similar place i also applied to !! i’m a lil torn on what im gonna do, tbh :(( i said i’d attend the group interview & hopefully i’ll be able to find out what their hours are like compared to this other club - atm i’m working longgg shifts super late (i dont get home until abt 2am) n i don’t know if it’s the healthiest thing for me :(( buT i’ve also been talkin to another one of my friends who works as a kitchen hand & i asked her to let me know when they’re hiring as well bc im so indecisive haha :’) the pay there is a loT better (an additional $6 per hour !!) and the shifts are still long but at least they’re during the day ya know ??  :’’)

oiasoidjf omg u got an ao3 acct im so excited !!!! ahhh !!!!!!!! do you write fics & are u gonna post them, or are u just using it to bookmark n comment ?? also if u do pls lemme know ur acc name so i can read them 😫 ahHH im so excited for u !!!!!!!!!!!!! 💓 and omg ur gonna write a comment on hbts aHH ur so sweet 🤧 thank u honey !!! don’t feel pressured to tho ofc, i know how hard it can be to write comments on fics !!!!!!! 💓💓 and asdoifjsadf thank u !!! its actually so lovely to hear ur lookign forward to the new chapter !!!! ngl one of the reasons it took so long in the beginning was that i kinda had a crisis of self-confidence n i was like ‘mm the main plot is kinda wrapped up now, i dont think anyone even wants to read the rest ://’ but hearing that ppl are excited for it is sO reassuring, i can’t even express how grateful i am to hear it 💖✨

hA omg sweetheart no pls don’t apologise for spamming !!!! i love getting messages from u !!!!!!! 💓💓 also i should b the one apologising bc this reply is so heCKing long iajsdfiosdf oops :’’)

omg omg thank u for the recs !!!!!!!! i’ve actually had “meme work makes the dream work” by taetaehyungie in my ‘marked for later’ list for ages, n i finally got around to reading it after u sent this & it was so good !!!! ur friend is so talented !!!!!!!! ((also pls tell her i want a hobi/jungkook sequel aaHHH that ending was too cute 🤧))  i haven’t read the others yet but ive opened them in my phone & they’re all ready to go !!! aHH im so excited to read them, thank u for sending !!!!! 💐💖🌷

also holyy hECK i just listened to kawibawibo & it’s so good !!!!!!!!! i can’t believe i haven’t listened to yoonmirae before !!!!!! i love the beat of the song omg & the aesthetics of the mv are unreal ,, i’m kinda tempted to turn it into an edit ngl 😫 and that lil bit w all the female dancers ???!!! AHHH IT WAS SO GOOD !!!!! 😍

aiosdfi my music taste is super diverse, i dont rlly listen to one particular genre :’’) but i do like listening to chill/minor key covers of popular songs like these bc they make me feel rlly emo and calm:

billie jean - eden

you’re the one that i want - lo fang

say my name - olafur arnalds and arnor dan

hey ya - denm

me n my friends also often send each other playlists so i get a lotta variety & they all have really good music taste too !! also i’m gonna b super lame n predictable and say my fave korean artists are ,, bts :’’) they’re probably the only ones i listen to consistently !!!

i hope u have a lovely day today !!! 💓💓💓

[airmom]

airmom. tumblr. com/post/159215839296 is the mars post I was talking about you doing for the rest of the signs. it's simple, to the point, and informative. I like it a lot. lol.

ooo hehehe ok sure

Aries Mars:-anger e over everything- 1, 2, 3 action! (cannot handle laziness)-loves competition, either gym rat or athlete monstr-hates waiting -angr e sex could be a strong desire-strong risk-takers, u either try or die trying-loves the chase-actions speak louder than words!!!-str8 to the point-wants to play basketball w ur feelings probably-wants to live their life to fullest

Taurus Mars:-likes to touch rather than talk-process things slowly and steadily (not saying they’re slow, I meant by approach)-takes patience to understand them heh-might b a sugar daddy/sugar baby-obsessed with their things, so don’t b surprised how protective they can b abt u-so calm, so hard to read-keeps sexual activity like a secret, sh-might forget that sex is abt creating a bond, bc they are so focused on their own pleasure oopz

Gemini Mars:-so unpredictable omgknjvnsjvnd-like to makes things abt themselves sometimes-likes to learn, hit them with that new math problem u learned at school-double-texters imo-want someone to keep up w them-so easily distracted, and scattered o no-have a way w words oo la la-likes to talk over the phone, might have a phone sex kink (shrug)-prefers variety and to keep their options open-needs their space, does not like to rush into things

Cancer Mars:-will talk about having children-cute girls > hot girls-protective-huge homebody oo co zee-most likely to come off really cute!!! cute energy!!!-v smart, will make the effort to the things they want to achieve-hides in their shell, so ppl don’t see their true intentions-takes a while to get with these bad bois (eas e peas e? ya u tHouGht)-likes to observe the ones they like-might give u a quiz, n will see where the relationship is going from there (might make platonic or romantic move on u, and see ur response to it)-might come off harsh if they feel trapped -want to feel secure!!

Leo Mars:-anger e over everything pt 2-lazy but are very goal-oriented-confident over the person they r trying to pursue (might not always b the case)-need to learn to slow their roll, 100/100 likely to go straight into flirting-likes attention n affection hehe-when they aren’t trying to seek a partner, they r busy doing something artistic-loves everything art-wants to make themselves n the ppl around them proud!!!-super stubborn grrr-loves the adrenaline they get when they r in love ahh, thats y they like falling love-enthusiastic, and warm makes them v cute partners-pretty much a top

Virgo Mars:-keeps it one hunneh-likes to pursue things n not make a big deal out of it, they know they did good-strives 4 success-polite conversations > flirting-calm, and quick-minded-dont get in their way bc they’ll just push u aside-has sharp-tongue (b careful when u french kiss them o no)-can turn calm into detached, ya theres a difference-hit them with that correct grammar and that advanced english-old-skool loverz-they remind me of….office sex-another earth mars that keeps things secret sh-prefer to do things thru experience 

Libra Mars:-another air sign that has a way w words oo la la-commitment is not in their dictionary (ehehe jokes)-most likely to win ur heart (fUcK)-so charming, alluring, and kno how to grab ur attention-dont kno what they want -decisions r so frusTurAtInG-when they become weak when they are being pressured (sorry I’m exposing u like this)-struggles to be fair, what other ppl want and what they want-want to have fun, so rushing things will b ur downfall heh-like to b complimented and shown any type of attention-likes dirty talk probably, sexting may b?

Scorpio Mars:-hates losing, losing is not an option-prefer to have a few goals, so they can b focused in order to achieve them easily-possessive & controlling -will sit back n think whether u r worth the effort-digs deep into things-probably a stalker (love to research and find out things for themselves but that doesn’t mean u should b dishonest w them)-very hard to befriend -takes a while to gain their trust, lots of patience pls-pls proceed w caution-very good healers, very strong fighters-fascinated w occults, death, dangers, and things that r unanswered

Sagittarius Mars:-adventure seekers-change their wants everyday probably-always coming up w ideas-likes someone who keeps them entertained-not a cheesy/corny lover-fun > emotions-quick-witted, and r very fun to have a conversation w-funny!!!!! so funny!!!!-they r so spontaneous -always going thru new experiences, wisdom is key!!!-can never finish projects bc a new idea always pops up o no!!-will dip when things get 2 serious 2 soon

Capricorn Mars:-DADDDY KINKS I SWEAR TO GODDJSKJLF-sorry but reality is harsh and so are Cappys-goals come first-very serious & straight-forward, lets cut to the chase-work-oriented, especially when they r pursuing someone!!!-patient-can b cold when u c their bad side, move aside, they want to achieve-love and sex is a slow-burning pleasure yummy-they strive for success like the other earth signs-can control their anger-old-skool as heck-plans for the future!!!-make great spouses tbh-dry dark sense of humor ):

Aquarius Mars:-rules? never heard of her-r not obvious lovers-prefer to b ur friend first!!!-they think instead of express, they r an air sign not a water (ahem)-can be very detached, anything expressive or physical can give them discomfort-reasonable, and calm-kink e-they like to experiment ((((;-idealists, they know what they abt to do to u -logic & reasoning, logic & reasoning-have a very headstrong approach to everythinnnnnnng-independent!!! quirky!!!!-”me, myself, and ego”

Pisces Mars:-things change their moods v easily n they won’t notice!!!-goes thru things unconsciously-will like u one day then won’t answer ur texts the next (wauw)-so indirect-if they want to pursue something they need to b emotionally committed ):-go-with-the-flow-never know where their feelings r coming from when they express them (y r they sad? tHey DOnT KnOW)-things like money, power, security, etc will not tempt them-they r v soothing, feels like u r rocking in the ocean when they hug u (try it)-patience pls for this water sign (aside Cancer & Scorpio)-difficult, u r in for a ride!!!!-should meditate when angered+ I got some lil understandings from this site