#i just don't like jumping to conclusions about things and i would rather know whether i *should* distance myself from CFMOT or not

[4brussels]

oops me when i forget to use tumblr

been a while, but god damnit the hfjone has been replaced with ii since i finally watched season 3 the other day

finals kicking my ass rn but i'll be back home in a few days so i can probably post more then

silver spoon is the character ever

[morelikeravenbore]

✨Sebastian Sallow fluff alphabet

My personal headcanons based on the way I imagine and write Sebastian in How to Make a Villain.

This template is from this post by snowluvs and is definitely worth a read and a reblog! I loooove reading Sebastian headcanons so feel free to write your own, too!

🌶️ Find my Sebastian Sallow spicy alphabet here.

A - Attractive - what do they find attractive about their partner?

We all know that Sebastian has a bit of a savior complex, so he's attracted to a partner who trusts him with their vulnerability by letting him protect them, care for them and fuss over them. However, he also likes a challenge, so someone with a bit of backbone to go with their vulnerability would really pique his interest. It doesn't matter what form that backbone takes, be it academically-focused, impressive duelling prowess, or just someone whose not afraid to call him out when he's acting out of line, Sebastian is undeniably attracted to that spark.

Read on 👇

B - Body - what is their favourite part of their partner’s body?

Given that he craves deep and genuine emotional connection with a partner, he's very drawn to the face: stroking your cheeks, kissing the corners of your mouth, your eyelids, your brows. He finds any excuse to touch your face, whether it be brushing your hair back behind your ear or tenderly wiping food or smudges from your chin with his thumbs. When being intimate, he holds your face between his hands, pressing his forehead to yours, never breaking eye contact.

C - Cuddle - how do they like to cuddle?

Sebastian is a squasher. He needs to feel physically close to you and will often forget this own size and strength in his desperation to hold you closer, closer, closer. He hugs you so tightly you can't breathe, or else lays his entire body weight on top of you when you're lying down together or sharing a bed. You often have to remind him to back up a little lest he squeeze the life outta you with his love.

D - Dates - what does their ideal date look like?

Sebastian is spontaneous and impulsive, but beneath all that bravado and charm, he is also quite afraid of rejection, so he might not always straight out "ask" you on a date. Rather, you might find yourself accidentally having dinner together at the Three Broomsticks, or huddled for hours in a cozy bookshop he "stumbled upon" at random. Sebastian considers any time spent alone with you a date, and would later tease you about how many "dates" you've already been on without ever being asked.

E - Equal - are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Generally speaking, Sebastian has a hard time relinquishing control to another. Given his history, he is used to taking charge, solving problems on his own and shouldering the burdens of everyone he cares about — and it goes without saying that he can be incredibly stubborn about accepting help or support, even when he genuinely needs it. However, this does tend to lead to mental and physical overwhelm; decisions become impossible, his body aches with exhaustion, and sometimes the boy just needs you to baby him — while still giving him the illusion that he has everything under control ;)

F - Fight - would they find it easy to forgive their partner? how are they fighting?

My personal headcanon that Sebastian is a Virgo sun, Aries rising. His Aries means he's reactive and oftentimes at the mercy of his more intense emotions (such as anger, jealousy — being ruled by Mars). He doesn't always communicate in a healthy way, he lashes out, snaps, or jumps to wild conclusions that don't make any sense. However, being a Virgo sun means he's ultimately a caregiver with a deep need to fix things and look after you, so he's very quick to apologise and make things right again.

G - Gifts - how do they feel about gift giving? what are their habits when it comes to this?

His gifts are either very practical (something you'll use every day), or something very sentimental (something that once belonged to his mother).

When it comes to receiving gifts, he doesn't believe he deserves them, so giving him something uselful like an interesting book, a set of quills, or a planner is the best way to spoil him without making him uncomfortable. However, if you gift him something sentimental, or something you made especially for him, he'll treasure it for the rest of his life.

H - Holding Hands - when / how do they like to hold hands?

If this boy can hold your hand, he will hold your hand, and if he can't hold your hand, he'll play with your fingers, trace the lines of your palms, brush his pinky against yours. You're his anchor, and your hands are the easiest part to hold on to.

I - Injury - how would they act if their partner got hurt?

Given his history with his parents and his twin, he is completely overbearing any time you're sick or injured. He'll fuss, worry, devise a strict recovery regime, won't allow you to lift and finger, and make you stay in bed long after you're well again. He'll research cures, studies, information about whatever it is that ails you, and will likely tell you all about it in great detail. This is where that lovely backbone of yours will come in handy, because you'll definitely have to sit him down and tell him to relax.

J - Jealousy - do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?

For all his wonderful strengths, Sebastian suffers from insecurities born from a lifetime of losing those he loves. His jealousy stems not from your actions, but from a deep-seated fear that you're eventually going to realise that he's as rotten as he believes himself to be and leave him. He can be a bit much, but communication is key.

K - Kisses - how do they like to kiss their partner?

Sebastian loves to kiss your face aaaall over, but once he gets started, he finds it hard to stop. Boy is a kisser, and he can get messy.

L - Love Language - what’s their love language?

Acts of Service and physical affection. Being useful gives him a sense of purpose, and touching gives him a sense of peace, so expect to be well looked after and loved. When receiving love, he responds just as strongly to physical affection, as well as words of affirmation. Tell him he's appreciated and that he's done a good job, and he'll be yours forever.

M - Mornings - how are mornings spent with them?

If you manage to get him into bed before he falls asleep where ever he's been reading or studying, it's a hard job rousing him again. He likes to cuddle, and you'll usually wake up half squashed under his body or tangled up in his arms and legs. He speaks in grunts and groans rather than words, and has super adorable bed hair. He's also usually very hungry in the mornings, so the promise of breakfast will be the motivation for finally getting him up.

N - Nights - how are nights spent with them?

Sebastian loves staying up late and doesn't need much sleep to function. His brain is always running a million miles a minute, so winding down takes him quite a while. He tells you he does his best work at night when the rest of the world is asleep.

O - Open - when would they start revealing things about themselves? how would they do it?

Typically Slytherin, he's evasive about himself and prefers to know everything about you before he opens up. Further to that, theres a lot of pain in Sebastian's heart that he won't share with anyone unless he trusts them completely. But, as Slytherins go, once he does trust you, he'll trust you unconditionally; his secrets will become yours, and yours his, and nothing short of death or betrayal will ever break that bond.

P - PDA - how comfortable are they with pda?

He's a real cheeky little smart arse about it. He loves you so much that he wants everyone to know about. He'll pick you up and spin you around as a standard greeting, sit you in his lap, kiss you midway through a sentence. Sebastian doesn't do things by halves, and the same goes for being in love.

Q - Quirk - what is a random ability that helps the relationship?

His optimism, his adventurous spirit and unquenchable thirst for knowledge means there's never a dull moment in your relationship. Above all else, Sebastian likes to have fun, and your life together will be full of it.

R - Romance - how romantic are they? cliche or creative?

There is nothing conventional or cliche about Sebastian Sallow. In fact, he thrives on being just the opposite. He probably courted you by acting like he was your boyfriend until suddenly he just was, there was likely never any conversation about being official, and the first time he said he loved you was probably in the middle of a heated argument or else said in a way that implied it was already common knowledge to you. But despite his quirks, Sebastian is hopelessly, singularly and passionately devoted to you — just don't expect any grand or sappy gestures of love.

S - Security - how protective are they?

Sebastian is so overprotective that it borders on being overbearing. Truth is, he's terrified of losing you, the one person he loves more than any other, and is prone to bouts of severe anxiety about your health, your commitment to him, and your general safety. His inability to relax is a point of contention in your relationship, and one that you both need to continually work on overcoming together. Communication is key, even when Sebastian jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst. He's not perfect, but he's trying.

T - Talking - what do they like to talk about?

Being a highly intelligent Slytherin means Sebastian loves getting deep. Nothing excites him more than discussing magical ethics, or taboo subjects like the Dark Arts or the use of the Dementors kiss against prisoners. He's unafraid to argue his point and loves a lively debate, but he has mental capacity to respect all viewpoints — even if they conflict with his own. He yearns to understand the inner workings of the mind and takes great pleasure in trying to understand opinions and perspectives that differ to his own. Any subject that expands or challenges his understanding of the world is taken on with great enthusiasm.

U - Understanding - how well do they know their partner?

He's a fast learner, very observant, and madly in love with you (obviously), so he knows basically everything about you. But sometimes he likes to think he knows you better than you know yourself. He needs to be reminded every so often that you are capable of looking after yourself, and that he doesn't need to solve every little problem on his own without being asked.

V - Vaunt - what are they proud of? do they like to show their partner off?

Aside from his intelligence, his quick wit and his sense of humour, he is most proud of his innate optimism, which (thanks to your help) has remained in tact despite all the tragedies and hardships he's endured in his comparatively short life. But more than that, he's proud to have you by his side: the embodiment of goodness and love that he never believed he deserved.

His egotistical side enjoys showing you off — you are, after all, the most attractive person he's ever seen, and having you by his side gives his confidence a little boost — but he can become a bit possessive or jealous if he's feeling insecure.

W - Whole - would they feel incomplete without their partner?

Abandonment issues and childhood trauma means Sebastian holds his loved ones very, very dear to his heart. Without you, he'd still be the driven, intelligent and ambitious Sallow he was born to be, but he'd likely lose the motivation to reach his full potential. Having lost every important person in his life, his desire to better himself after all his past mistakes is soley inspired by you.

X - XOXO - are they affectionate?

Physical affection is both how he expresses love and how he feels love; physical touch grounds him in reality and reminds him that you are safe and near. Smooth back his hair, tenderly touch his face, or play with his fingers and watch how fast he melts.

Y - Yearning - how well do they cope when they’re separated from their partner?

Since you are his home, he feels incomplete and off-kilter when he's away from you. And though he tries to honour your individuality, if you're apart for too long, he'll start to have intrusive thoughts about every bad thing that might happen if he's not there to protect you. Needless to say, when you are finally reunited, he greets as you if several decades have kept you apart — like a big, needy puppy.

Z - Zzz - what are some sleeping habits of theirs?

This boys sleeping habits are a nightmare, precisely because he has a lot of them. In fact, he actively avoids sleep, preferring to stay up reading or researching until he's tired enough to fall into an immediate slumber. Usually, you'll find him slumped over on a table or still snoring on the couch, still fully clothed, but if you do happen to get him into bed, he can't sleep without some part of his body touching yours.

[forever-rogue]

may i request one where joel finds comfort hugging reader in a bone crushing hug after a long day 👉👈

do with it what you will fluff angst spice ill take them allll i just want this man to crush me and id welcome it hehe

AN | One bone-crushing hug with a side of angst and softness coming right up 🥰

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You looked at the watch on your wrist and sighed softly. The watch didn't work. It hadn't for a long time. 

But he'd given it to you and that made it special. You'd never taken it off, even when the battery died. He insisted he'd get you a new watch or even a new battery at the very least. You never took him up on the offer; it didn't matter to you whether or not ticked away as long as you had it.

Normally it served as a bit of reassurance. Today it served as a reminder that he was gone. Not gone, but gone for long enough that you were starting to get worried. Not that you would ever admit that to anyone. You didn't want to appear weak, but you also didn't want to cause anyone else to worry.

But this wasn't like Joel; he was never gone for more than two or three days at most.

It had been over a week.

And not knowing what happened to your lover was brutal.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Worryin' isn't going to solve anything."

"Well, not worrying isn't solving anything either," you threw a hard look at Tommy and shrugged before going back to your relentless pacing, "so if I have the option, I'll choose worrying."

"It's probably the bad weather," he mused, and you were sure he was trying to convince himself of that as much as you, "could be a lot of things. Jumping to the worst possible conclusion isn't…"

"I love your eternal optimism," you stood in front of the windows and looked towards the gate as you often did, "but I'd rather expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised when he comes back. Versus the alternative."

The younger Miller brother nodded before letting out a long sigh, "I know."

"I'm scared, Tommy. It was supposed to be a simple supply run," stopping suddenly, you turned to him, eyes glittering with unscheduled tears, "what if he doesn't come back? It shouldn't have taken this long. I don't know what I'll do. I-I…"

He remained but hugged you tightly, trying to soak in all the worry and doubt you had. If it was an option, he would have taken all the worry and fear from you and dealt with it himself. If only.

"Why don't you go home for now and get some rest?" he suggested softly, wiping away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks, "I'll stay here. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Tommy-"

"Go and be with the kids," he whispered as your heart panged. You knew Ellie was just as worried about you, but she was the glue holding you all together right now, "they need you too."

"Okay," you nodded, "thank you."

"It'll be okay," he promised and you desperately wanted to hang onto his hope. All you could do was give him a small nod.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

By the time you got home, you were spent and felt like you could use a year long nap. You closed the door behind out and let out a long sigh, letting go of everything you'd been holding back as you kicked your shoes off. 

You heard Ellie's voice in the living accompanied by a small set of giggles. Your heart softened at the sound and your heart yearned to be with them. You shred your coat before making your way over to them, Ellie on the floor on a big fluffy blanket as she played with the little girl. Your little girl; but really they were both your girls.  

The two of them stopped as soon as they heard you, Ellie offering you a small smile and Emma babbling and cooing happily. There had never been anyone you'd loved more than these two…and Joel. 

You walked over to them and sat down, pressing a kiss to the top of Ellie's head before pulling the baby into your lap. She squirmed as she tried to hug onto you, "she's been really talkative today. As much as a one-year-old can be."

"I wonder who she gets that from," she teased, causing the girl to grin sheepishly.

"Definitely not Joel."

"Definitely not Joel," you agreed. You sat back against the couch let out a long breath as you pulled up your legs and laid Emma against them, giving her tickles which only caused her to laugh harder.

"She looks like him," Ellie stroked her rosy, chubby cheek as you nodded. She had the same big, brown eyes and roguish hair, her expression often appearing as though she was deep in thought, "he's going to be okay, you know."

"Ellie…"

"I mean it," she insisted in that steadfast way she often did, "he'd never leave you or her o-or…"

"You," you finished for her, "we're all family, Ellie Bean."

"Yeah," she sat next to you and leaned her head on your shoulder, "he'll come back. Nothing would stop him."

"You're right," and god, you hoped she and Tommy were right, "he'll be home soon."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Several more agonizing days passed without any word, and the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach felt like it was going to eat you alive. Even Ellie, happy, optimistic Ellie, was started to show signs of worry. She’d never admit it, but she didn’t have to; it was written all over your face. You were just glad that Emma was still a baby and wouldn’t remember any of this.

That thought alone had led you down a rabbit hole of worry. What if he didn’t come back? What if she never got to see her father again? What if she didn’t remember him? How were you supposed to raise and take care of Ellie and Emma all on your own? 

You groaned as you startled awake for what was the umpteenth night in a row. You hadn’t been sleeping much; every time you managed to fall deep enough into slumber, the dreams - nightmares - came again and caused you to wake up. Most of the time you ended up giving up on sleep and would sit in the kitchen, nursing a mug of tea that grew cold as the sun came up. 

A book was currently in front of you, one you’d read a hundred times before, but you weren’t actually taking anything in. Your mind kept wandering, wandering, wandering. You were so lost in thought and so zoned out at the same time that you almost missed the pounding on the door. You almost ran to the door when you snapped back into reality, trying to keep the noise from waking the girls up. 

When you got to the door, you wretched it open without even looking to see who it was. It was Tommy, wild-eyed and looking somewhere between excited and nervous. 

“Come,” he didn’t hesitate to grab your arm as he pulled you out of the door, “come.”

“What’s going on?” you looked at him, confused but going along with him. You noticed that the front gate was closing and a group of people were nearby. The hairs on your arms stood up as a shiver ran down your spine, “Tommy?”

The crowd slowly parted and you felt like your heart felt like it stopped in your chest. Part of you wondered if you were dreaming, but you felt Tommy squeeze your shoulder, “go.”

Your feet were carrying you, faster and faster until the rest of the crowd dissipated and you found yourself face to face with him. 

“Joel,” you hadn’t even realized you were crying, weren’t consciously aware of anything else but him. 

You didn’t get a chance to say anything else before he threw his arms around you, wrapping into the tightest, most bone-crushing hug imaginable. You didn’t care; you wouldn’t have cared if his touch bruised you black and blue. It was him, he was home, he was here. 

You held him back just as fiercely, and you could physically feel the tension in his body ease as he let himself relax into your familiar touch. You weren’t even sure how long he you, how long you clung onto his body before you finally parted. 

He took your face in his hands, his touch calloused but tender as he studied, almost as if he too didn’t believe you were real. He looked worse for the wear, but nothing unmanageable, nothing that would take him from you. And then he smiled, the same wonderful, lovely smile that made his dimple appear and the corners of his eyes crinkle, “sweet, beautiful abejita. I heard you were already planning my funeral.”

A moment of silence passed before you burst into laughter, tears - this time of joy and happiness - running down your face. Joel brushed them all away before kissing you softly. There was no way to properly put into words how much you’d missed this, him. When you pulled back you felt his arms wrap around your waist, “even if you didn’t come back, I’d find you and kill you myself if you thought you were going to get away with leaving me with two monsters to raise on my own.”

“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” you buried your face into his chest and breathed him in. It didn’t matter that he was sweaty and dirty; him being here was enough, “you and that mouth and everything else about you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” you looped your arms around his neck and held onto him tightly, hugging him as you rocked back and forth, “I love you.”

“Terribly,” he agreed in the way that he was prone to doing, “I’ll always come back home to my girls. Even if I have to come crawling back.”

“Joel!” the small voice came from behind you. You turned to find Ellie there, holding a warmly bundled up Emma in her arms. Word got around fast, “you’re back.”

He let out a sigh of relief at the sight of his girls, dropping to his knees in front of them as he looked them both over. The baby, miraculously, was still sleeping, but he stroked her cheek before repeating the gesture on Ellie. She swallowed thickly, tears unshed in her eyes as he hugged the two of them, gently, delicately. 

“I missed you both,” he promised, not that there had ever been a question on that. Ellie nodded, at a loss for words, “what, kid? No smart comment from you?”

“No,” she shook her head, a few tears falling down her cheeks, “I missed you. I’m glad you’re home, Joel.”

“Me too,” he promised, turning back to find you watching them with nothing but reverent fondness in your eyes, as you smiled at him, “me too.”

[gavisuntiedboot]

Gavi asking the reader to be his gf (headcanon)

A/N: omg this is such a cute request

~~

Asking you to be his girlfriend would entail ...

Y'all want me to be honest?

Gavi is for sure most definitely the type of person to just assume that a girl he's been exclusive with is his girlfriend

He is not a huge fan of difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations, so he is never going to go out of his way to DTR (define the relationship)

You two had been going out for a while before he even asked about exclusivity

"So you're not like... seeing other guys, right? I mean it's okay if you are. Well not really. I mean I want you to stop if you are seeing other people, but like I won't be mad if you have done it before... right now I guess."

You'd giggle at his rushed out request, reassuring him that you weren't interested in seeing anyone else

"Everyone is too calm after being with you Pablo"

He had no idea whether he should be flattered by the fact that you liked him as much as he liked you, or insulted that you just called him hyper.

Six to eight months into the relationship, you would probably have to be the one to bring it up

"my roommates keep referring to you as 'the boyfriend'. They think they're funny."

This would be the most confusing sentence of Gavi's life. Was he ... not the boyfriend?

And that's exactly what he asked you.

"Why is it funny that they call me your boyfriend?"

"Because you're not my boyfriend?"

Pablo's phone clattered to the ground, and it took everything in you not to laugh.

"If this is your way of breaking up with me, it's not funny."

The look on Pablo's face was so heartbreaking that it made you get up from your seat, hugging his pouting face into your chest.

"I'm just messing around with you. You've never asked me to be your girlfriend, so I didn't want to jump to any conclusions."

Gavi: i am confusion

"You have to ask?" *eyebrow raise*

After asking his teammates (shyly and in private corners to avoid the teasing) it was true: he would need to ask you to be his girlfriend

"I don't know man, it just makes things seem more official." He complained to Ansu, who was absolutely not listening to a word he said, and Ousmane, who was engrossed in Pablito's love life

"But don't you want things to be more official? She's met the team, your parents, the la masia boys - I don't think the title will really impact things

Pablo didn't want to admit that the real reason he had neglected this question was just that he didn't feel comfortable enough sitting you down and talking about something this serious

So one night, while you were over at his house to watch the Argentinian national team play a friendly, he turned to you

He was in a hoodie, similar to you, with his feet propped up on the coffee table sharing chips from a bowl wobbling dangerously on the sofa

You had just finished yelling at the TV, a replay coming onto the screen

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

You blinked at Pablo slowly, processing what he had said to you

"What?"

"Okay I'll say it again. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"...what?"

"Please don't make me keep saying it I'm sweating bullets."

You restrained the smirk on your face, turning in your place to face him fully.

"Why do you want me to be your girlfriend, Pablo?"

A breath

He didn't think he would get this far

Or have to articulate something that felt so natural

It just felt so right to have you as his partner, to have you beside him, that he didn't think he would have to say that to you

"Well... I'm going to be honest, I have been thinking of you as my girlfriend since our like, second date. I just feel like we fit together. See like this, sitting here, being lazy with you, being around you, it just feels like... it's where I'm meant to be. Also it's easier to say 'hey I need tickets for my girlfriend' rather tha- why are you crying?"

The stretch of your cheeks with joy had prevented you from fully grasping the tears that rolled down your face

"I have no clue I'm really happy"

Hugs. Those ones where you grip each other really tightly like you don't want to fall into the abyss. The one where the lint of their shirt is literally your oxygen, and if you were any closer you would be one organism

Neck kisses. Y'all know the ones, but if you don't there's an example at the end

Hand holding with the thumb-rub for comfort. Yeah, y'all see the vision

"So, is that a yes?"

"Of course, stupid." which was said through sniffles

He literally stopped using your name after that

Only referred to you as 'my girlfriend'

"Oh me and my girlfriend went to.."

"My girlfriend said that..."

"Let me ask my girlfriend."

BONUS: when he won the Nation's League with the Spanish NT (sorry grandpappy Luka), he posted a million things onto his Instagram story, including the team singing along to Titi Me Pregunto by Bad Bunny

You swiped up on the story with: Si tengo muchas novia'?

His response: no, just one with múltiples personalidades

A/N: He just love a good smooch. Anyways it's 4:30am time ti go to bed. PLS Y"ALL i would rlly appreciate if you interacted with this post besides liking (comments/ reblogs) if you feel so inclined. Just a small thing that keeps people including myself motivated to write. JP9 in progress but not ETA due to Eid being next week. Love y'all <<33

[spacemonkeysalsa]

I read about an evil magistrate in another Faerûn city, a few decades after Astarion had that job in Baldur's Gate and it has me thinking about his pre-vampire days, and my irl time as a Las Vegas law clerk. A lot.

Full disclosure: I feel a little guilty that I wrote so much on this topic rather than on one of my fics.

I wrote very little in July 🫣but it's because I was drawing and reading instead.

I read 13 books, but they were the first 13 Legend of Drizzt books.

And while writing fic, I've avoid details about Astarion's background as a magistrate, for reasons I've talked about a lot before, but I might need to rethink that, because one book in the Drizzt series just gave me SO MUCH context for what the world was like around the time that Astarion would have had this job, and also, what that job was like, and how it was very effected by geography and race. And I have THOUGHTS. Thousands of words of thoughts, apparently, below the cut.

TL;DR - The popular idea that pre-Cazador Astarion is the biggest possible asshole so he "earns" his fate is boring as hell, not actually supported by canon, or the examples of magistrates that we see in FR (who don't even need to be corrupt to satisfy cruel inclinations) and I deeply prefer going in a totally different direction. Below the cut is me working through my headcanon, and why I came to these conclusions.

I tagged this appropriately I think, but to emphasize, topics of relevance include horror movie tropes, torture, the deeply flawed American justice system, and the even more deeply flawed one in Faerûn as described by the Forgotten Realms novels I've read and the mentions/demonstrations in Bladur's Gate 3.

If you feel you need to avoid thinking about all of that, you are valid, and probably more correct than me for doing so.

And as always, it's just my opinion, based on my experiences. All headcanon is equally headcanon.

To start, I'm going to briefly reiterate that:

Astarion's canon backstory is thin on purpose and that all we really know about him is that he was a magistrate with not-red eyes who made an unpopular ruling that was unpopular for an unspecified reason and got jumped by Gur for a (heavily implied to be unreliable narrator influenced) reason.

That artbook is a developmental tool that is actually less likely to ever be considered canon than even a later stage developmental tool like a full manuscript outline precisely because of its position in the process.

But, before I get into what I read in Drizzt, I want to establish that my head space started from thinking about how much sadder it is if Astarion actually did have compassionate ideals and a balanced sense of justice prior to Cazador. The reason I think it's sadder is best illustrated by the choice to either make a doomed horror movie character sympathetic or an asshole. What happens to Astarion is basically a horror show, and some people prefer those fates are reserved exclusively for asshole victims. There's reasons to write this way, and it can be done well, but it's very easy to make it feel cheap and contrived and it's usually a sign of an amateur production, and a quick way to make an accessible film rather than a good one. Another option (which can also be done well or done poorly) is to harm characters who did absolutely nothing wrong.

To be clear, whether or not we like a character doesn't affect whether or not they "deserve" death. Horror movies often deal with totally disproportionate consequences, and the gruesome fate not really being "earned" can be an inherent part of the horror regardless of our sympathy.

But, I'm not sad when the evil teenagers in Toxic Avenger are killed. I am not that sad when Jigsaw's traps prove to be too much for his chosen victims. What happens to Julia's marks in Hellraiser doesn't move me as much as what's going on with Kirsty, even if they didn't deserve it, because they aren't particularly sympathetic.

And the thing about using characters like that is that it's not realistic. And to be clear, I don't think you always have to be realistic to tell a good story, in fact, please don't always cling to realism. But realism in characterization is usually a stronger choice, and should be considered generally. Most people are not as flat and unsympathetic as the asshole victims in slasher flicks. Even people who do bad things are not so one dimensional as to instill no sympathy in irl humans. I think people like to flatten Astarion in their mind, so that they don't have to confront the fact that very bad things happen all the time, and that most people didn't do anything to earn a horrible fate.

In the specific case of what happened to Astarion, even if he was a bad person, it's very difficult to ever make 200 years of torture, the loss of autonomy, exploitation on every level, including physical, sexual and psychological abuse, ever feel proportional. So at this point, some people need something to make it seem more just. Either because they hate the character, and want to feel that hating the character is objectively correct, or their worldview includes an idea of justice that can't accept such disproportionality.

And if you need that for your headcanon, dope. you're allowed whatever headcanon you want.

The "corrupt magistrate" thing isn't canon. It's headcanon. I understand that some people who really seem to know what they are talking about said it was canon, that's because they are wrong. People are wrong sometimes.

I recently became aware that although I thought we were all playing the same game, a bunch of players have never seen what I've seen, because it's all missable content. And, because everyone knows there's a bunch of stuff they haven't seen, it's real easy to just believe any random person on the internet who tells you something is buried deep in the game that you don't know about.

This specific situation with Astarion's canon backstory is that you'll never find much in the game, no matter how much you play, because there's nothing to find. Here's the facts: -There was never anything about Astarion being corrupt in the game, in early access, or in any of the writing that made it to recording. It was an idea that was discussed very early on---like back when we almost had a werewolf companion, (RIP Helia, you would've loved what I put you through) and they went in a totally different direction. Essentially, just imagine what they ultimately ended up doing with Gortash, and know that they were thinking about doing something similar with Astarion, but a long, long time ago.

-In the game, he'll lie and tell you he's a magistrate in Baldur's Gate and that it's tedious.

-Or, if you wait to ask him about himself until after you know he's a vampire, he'll tell you he was a magistrate, punishing troublemakers.

-Backstory complete!

-Art books are great, and beautiful, and it's baffling to me to see fans treat them like canon content, because if anything, they demonstrate various attempts to put together a story that ultimately didn't land for the creators. I love using materials like this when I write, I create character sheets and artbooks for my work all the time, and part of their charm is the features that didn't make it into the final work. Minthara is no longer an elven cleric, Shadowheart isn't covered in tattoos, and Astarion isn't one of corrupt elite of Baldur's Gate, or even elite, or a courtesan. Stop bringing up the artbook, you're embarrassing yourselves.

-There's actual explicit dialogue in game in which Astarion says he doesn't remember much from before he was turned. He says the person he was is gone, nothing left but a name on a rock. That's what's intentionally in the game. I think this is brilliant, because I think his character represents loss in a really poignant way, and that if they included anything too detailed about who he was before he got turned, that would undermine this theme, in a way that's especially unnecessary. It's better to keep it purposefully blank. A void of nothing. I'm actually really surprised that they didn't do this for Shadowheart, given that she's a Sharran, but in her story, we actually see a really nice counterexample: she does recall small details about her time in the city. Coming back there triggers memories and if you find all three of them---[spoiler deleted, please message me if you want to know about this, I've been informed I shouldn't just shout this out, because some people like to discover this stuff on their own. But also I'm not a gatekeeper, if you really want to know, I'm happy to tell you]. There's none of that for Astarion, in fact, if you go to the cemetery looking for his grave, which is something I think a lot of us did, you won't find any mention of him anywhere, but you will find one of those Shadowheart memories if she's with you. You only get to see Astarion's grave briefly, if you're romancing him, and even then, he once again takes the opportunity to talk about the person he once was truly is lost to him (and to us) and gone forever, long before we ever had the chance to know him.

It's tragic, and kind of perfect.

And in the meta of all this, it's intentional that we'll never known him. We might think we do, but we literally can't, because it's not in the story.

Which is good because it would ruin the scene a bit if he'd been like "btw I was a real piece of shit lmao." Just like it kind of ruins the affect of the empty backstory to go ahead and add a backstory.

But. We're curious, we speculate, and we expand, that's what fanfiction is for—it exists outside of the canon. I usually write post-canon, canon-consistent content, but there's a possibility I'll need to add a few scenes from Astarion's mortal life in this one fic—maybe not, idk—but in preparation for maybe doing that (or not), I had considered working through what I think his life was life before he was turned, and the events leading up to Cazador capturing him. I wasn't sold on the idea, but I was thinking about it.

And, then I started reading Spine of The World, which features an actual magistrate from DR 1365. This one is um. Corrupt. Or, at least, we would consider him to be corrupt? He's actually doing his job perfectly according to the very messed up justice system in Luskan, where he works. They don't have a concept of burden of proof there, or of innocence at all after you manage to get yourself arrested, and instead essentially just torture people to death publicly and explicitly for entertainment. It's not chill. It's not subtle. They call it Prisoner's Carnival.

This magistrate has Astarion's exact job, in a different city and a few decades later (and those differences matter, we'll get to it) but the important features are the same. So, here's some things to note: being a magistrate is a position of limited power, you have total discretion over the prisoners given to you for punishment (minus a few notable exceptions that come up in Spine of The World), but that's it. It's not like an influential political position of respect or anything. It can't be, because they are beholden to laws they can't change, and cultural traditions that are non-negotiable parts of the community.

This guy is referred to multiple times are a carnival barker. And there's loads of magistrates, they all have different reputations and and ymmv on how sadistic they individually are in Luskan. In a later book, when this particular magistrate is brought up again to another magistrate in Luskan, it's clear that the carnival barker thing isn't entirely universal and that he's considered one of the really bad ones, but regardless, they all acknowledge that what he does is legal and "serves a purpose" and they all direct and orchestrate the torture and slaughter of prisoners, and they all admit that many of them are probably innocent. The magistrates, and more importantly, the people in charge of them, maintain the necessity of the system, and the fear it instils to keep troublemakers in line.

One of the more reasonable and intelligent wizards in the series (a guy called Robillard who I can't help but envision as Gale of Waterdeep, because almost everything he does and says makes him sound like Gale of Waterdeep) shocks Drizzt by defending this system of justice very passionately.

Actually, Drizzt's thoughts in general about the Prisoner's Carnival are S-tier Drizzt musings, I love a man who keeps a journal. Likes cats too. Drizzt is lovely.

Drizzt also notes that this is a popular system in human societies specifically. Other races don't go in for it so much, and tend not to participate unless it's as... um... you know... as the prisoners being tortured. I think it's interesting that he mentions that elves in particular (in his experience) are universally disgusted by it. It's also explicitly stated that Baldur's Gate is different, and a much preferrable place to get tried by a magistrate. That isn't in his journal entry though, that's earlier in the novel. A moment of foreshadowing.

The whole world is brutal, but Baldur's Gate is a bit more modern and open to change than other places. That's probably one reason it keeps getting featured and mentioned even though we've barely spent any time there in Drizzt's series so far. It's a bit more relatable a place to actually live in long term than somewhere like Luskan, where you may have to seek out real estate that's far enough away from the square that you're not constantly hearing the death screams of someone being drawn and quartered in front of a cheering crowd. So that's the basics of it, and getting back to Astarion and the backstory that I would personally novelize for him, we have options:

If I'm going to try to fit this into the context that I now have though, it's important to keep in mind that 1) Baldur's Gate is considered one of the "nicer" places to be tried and 2) culturally, elves don't go in for cruelty, especially not as systemic "justice." None of this has to apply to Astarion, but if I'm writing it, I'm not going to ignore this cultural context. At a minimum, I'm going to say that appointing an elf as a magistrate in a city that's known for being more progressively compassionate about their treatment of prisoners was probably pointed on the part of tptb. Baldur's Gate wanted him to set an example for these bloodthirsty humans about mercy and justice and the balance between them. Racism dictates that you don't go to a human for that. They're carnival barkers. If you want a more compassionate magistrate, appoint an elf. And from there, we get to decide whether or not Astarion met their expectations, or if he defied them. Because maybe he was an asshole. Maybe he was just as bad as his human magistrate counterparts. That's not outside the realm of possibility at all, there's an argument to be made that we write him as a counterweight to the stereotype. Astarion is written to be capable of anything, so you can literally go in any direction with his disposition.

But, considering how Cazador rages that he "made" Astarion, and Astarion doesn't even argue with that sentiment. I think it's more likely (and loads sadder) if this unmaking and making included a complete and total overhaul of Astarion entire sense of justice. I actually think the harsh sentiments that Astarion expresses at the tribunal in Ansur's trials are a really good example of the flickers of Cazador and the person he twisted Astarion into, than they would ever be indicative of who he was before getting turned.

That guy's gone, remember?

And if it's not obvious, I'm going in that direction with my fanfic. I'm going to say he actually thought he could help his community. He studied. He got this civil servant position. It was a bit disillusioning. It's better in Baldur's Gate than in other places, but the system itself is cruel, and he's rewarded for being cruel within it. It doesn't even matter that he originally got the job because they hoped he would be a compassionate elf judge amongst bloodthirsty humans, once he's actually in position, it's all about maintaining the status quo. That's what they actually want from him, in spite of their "progressive" leanings.

If anything, he's getting in trouble, and getting noticed by not quite being status quo. A soft-hearted elf, letting his charges get away with all kinds of mischief. I'd write him this way, because I think it then easily follows that Cazador takes note of him and targets him, precisely because he's too merciful. It's annoying.

And, little bit about me, I'm an attorney, and early on, during and right after law school I worked for a few judges.

If Faerûn is anything like the USA I figure that after a few years he has figured out that being a magistrate only gives him a limited amount of discretion and authority over the specific individuals who are brought before him.

It's really legislation that makes a difference and he is specifically forbidden from that. He rules from the bench, and hopes that if he's consistent and fair, and if nothing disastrous results from his rulings, (and if he doesn't get reversed too often, idk if that's a thing in Faerûn but it's a thing in America) then maybe he could eventually influence those who do legislate, but like, that's not his job. And it's going to take a long time because most of it's quite tedious and people don't pay attention unless it's someone they care about standing before him. Nobody cares about the vast majority of these people. His job is to stare at "troublemakers" who have supposedly broken the law, hear witnesses and confessions and denials and lies and decide what the truth is, and decide what's fair.

And it's emotionally heavy work. A lot of people describe being a magistrate as a political position, and that's not incorrect, but there's a valley of difference between Astarion's very hands on job, and what Gortash/Duke Ravenguard do. You are beholden to powerful politicians (like actual politicians) with a lot more influence who figured all this out long before they made the mistake of having ideals or believing in anything, or taking a job in which they would have to a) actually work with people to probable burnout and b) inevitably make a lot of people very angry regardless of what they did.

But, Astarion is still young, he's still got energy, he's not lost himself yet, he thinks he can handle this responsibility and he's wrong.

One day, someone is brought before him. This person is Gur and has supposedly broken the law. Other Gur are upset about the way Astarion ruled. He was way too harsh, or maybe he wasn't.

Quick sidebar: in court, I have watched people literally receive the death sentence and have zero reaction. Same with life w/o parole and other life ruining sentences. In my experience, what triggers an emotional reaction and anger targeted at a judge isn't the severity of the sentence, it's how the severity of the sentence stacks up against their expectations. The defendants (or their families, with proxy outrage) who get really angry, who try to attack the judge, or the ones who are so disruptive that we have to call it and go wait in the hallway while the baliffs calm things down, all have one thing in common: they legitimately thought they were going to just be sent home. They didn't think they were going to be held at all. For that reason, I actually saw a lot more rage from people who had committed minor offenses, because they didn't think what they had done was that big a deal, showed no remorse, ignored their atty, made no effort to express any respect for the law, or any victims, and then when the judge just decides to go with whatever the statute says, in light if zero mitigating factors, the defendant hears "60 days" for the very first time and assumes that the judge just made that up and hates them.

And like, I know it's fiction, and I'm speaking on a very niche experience that most people can't relate to. It's unlikely the writers had anything (let alone realism) in mind at all when they decided to be as vague as possible in the details about a character who embodies "loss" as a concept. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss. I think they were vague because of the theme of loss.

But this sidebar is just to explain why whenever someone says "well he got beat to death for it so his ruling must've been racist and harsh" my knee jerk response is "not necessarily."

And sidebar within the sidebar: if I was going to fully novelize the story, I would actually go in the direction of having the ruling in question be uncommonly fair. I might hint at some racism though—nobody really talks about it below the surface level obvious stuff that's in the game, and part of that is because information about the Gur as a people isn't super accessible. But there is information, and synthesized: racism against the Gur seems pretty standard, especially for an elf who has had it up to here with human bullshit generally. Especially during that time period. He probably didn't have a good opinion of the Gur in life.

But, I have to assume that his animosity towards the Gur that we see in the game was at least affected by the fact that they beat him to death, and then, he spent two centuries as an undead being that they kill on sight with absolutely no justification needed. Like. I don't think it's wild to suggest that. I'm actually very confused by how much people push back on the idea that this could be responsible for his attitude, in part. And that's as far as I have combed through all this so far. Idk how much of it will end up in fic, but it's my personal headcanon now.

I love horror movies. I have watched so many of them it's embarrassing. My letterboxd is embarrassing. I do love several horror movies that feature asshole victims, but as I look at my very favorites, I'm noticing a pattern. I like to feel hurt. I like it when a movie doesn't shy away from dealing out universal, apathetic and disproportionate punishment to everyone. I can't think of anything quite so sad as seeing a perfectly normal, maybe even morally progressive person with their whole life ahead of them, and choosing to unmake them and twist them into a broken puppet in your own image. Sparing/saving no one and nothing in the process. Just make them lose everything, including their entire sense of who they are.

So, I'm going to hurt my own feelings with my Astarion headcanon.

[platonically-loving-alastor]

Aroace Alastor

Hoo boy here we go- This one might make some people mad at me, so I'll preface by saying I do not want to start a fight and as long as you respect my business, I'll respect yours. But let's get this over with-

First off, I genuinely don't understand how some people can see the Ace-In-The-Hole quote and still believe that Alastor is only intended to be asexual and not also aromantic. Yes, the term Rosie used for purpose of the pun was 'ace', but can we look at the context of that moment before jumping to conclusions?

Rosie, motioning to Charlie: "Oh, who's this you brought with you? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! Oh, I'm just kidding. I know you're an ace in the hole!"

Her original statement implies nothing sexual, only that he's involved in a relationship with Charlie, and she follows it up with why she knows that couldn't be because he's an 'ace in the hole'. I don't think you have to read too far between the lines to see that.

I would also like to say that when Vivienne has spoken about his orientation before, I recall her saying that she didn't want to confirm him being aromantic so that she wouldn't 'ruin anyone's fun', which I just feel like is an odd thing to say if she wasn't already explicitly picturing him as aroace. If she thought he had romantic attraction, why wouldn't she just say that? What fun would that ruin? I also feel like keeping things like this ambiguous just to appease the shippers is a little weird, but I digress-

And to those of you who I know are saying "But aromantic people can be in relationships too!!" *deep inhale* yeah I know. I'm not gonna pretend you're not right about that, but there are also aroace people who have exactly 0 interest in romance or sex at all. This is the part of the post that really is based on how I interpret certain moments, but to me he is absolutely one of those people. I don't really know where people get any vibes of him being interested in that stuff. I have never once looked at him and thought "Yeah I could see him in a romantic relationship with *insert character here*". Even aside from attraction in general, since that's what we'd be talking about at this point anyway, he just seems like the kind of guy who'd rather work and live independently instead of relying on anyone, whether practically or emotionally (which is also probably part of the reason he never joined the Vees, but that's another topic entirely). Hell, I'm pretty sure he's in heavy denial about even developing any kind of care or friendship with the people at the hotel (ie. the episode 8 scene with him and Niffty).

The only ships I see him involved in with people he doesn't hate (so ignoring RadioApple, RadioHusk, and StaticRadio. But to be real, maybe the fact all his main ships are enemies to lovers coded says something about the whole situation, but that's just me-) are Charlastor - which I will not even try to discuss here, people aren't gonna like this post as it is - and RadioRose. Rosie and him would at least be fair, if it weren't for one thing (which is also personal opinion on my end), and I don't know exactly how to word it. I'm tempted to say she has wingwoman vibes? But she knows he's aro, so that's not the right word, but there's vibes of like, she probably did act as a wingwoman before she realized that about him or something.. There's also something about her joking around like "Oh this is the girl? You have a girlfriend and I'm only now meeting her?" is almost giving motherly behavior. Idk man they're just besties to me, I could see them in a QPR though (not that they'd probably label it that way, considering the word queerplatonic is likely just complete gibberish to Alastor lmao).

So to summarize: It feels incredibly likely, if not practically canon, that Alastor was written with aromanticism in mind, even if Vivienne refuses to explicitly state it. Subtext and not-that-subtle implications can say just as much about a character as word of God, especially when that God has explicitly told us why she won't confirm or deny this information. Do I think any of this will stop people from shipping him romantically with literally any other character? No ofc it won't, and that's okay, that's just what fandoms do. I do think there's something to say for the fact the one aroace (or even at the very least asexual) character gets constantly shipped with everyone else in the cast, but this post is long enough I think. The only point of posting this is that I wanted to get information out there in one post to say "Hey, let's look a little bit past the surface for a second before saying there's no proof of him being aromantic"

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you at least took something away from this

[thehollowwriter]

*Skerks down the hallway like a cat coming down with zoomies* I heard you were doing Rollo fluff only requests, so I jumped into your ask box IMMEDIATELY. Do you think you could do some bed-time snuggles with him? I just want to cuddle this obviously touched-starved, emotionally repressed twink so bad you don't even KNOW. He'd probably say he isn't touch starved, that he's only does this because you seem to enjoy it, but then we'd wake up the next morning with half his weight on top of us and him clinging like a desperate koala and refusing to let go. No obsession, no sexual undertones, just a depressed man finding solace in a soft bed, thick blankets, and the warmth of another's arms, finding the peaceful sleep he hasn't know for years.

Aaah this is so cute! Thank you for this anon! ^^

Summary: You convince Rollo to get some well needed sleep. Cuddles ensue.

Warnings: None

(Pls reblog and leave a comment ❤)

In Your Grasp

The first thing that came to your mind when you laid eyes on Rollo Flamme was "wow, he needs some sleep."

It wasn't an unusual conclusion. Many people thought the same. The intense gaze of his dark green eyes were just as tired as it was intense. His posture and mannerisms, slow and lethargic as they were prim and proper.

Now, the both of you were dating. It was many months after the events of the masquerade and that thought hasn't changed.

Still, after all this time, the large bags under Rollo's eyes remained.

Rollo was a hard worker and a busybody who rarely gave himself a break. He often stayed up late or even all night in order to get whatever he wanted done, whether it be studying, homework, paperwork for his fellow students or chores.

You knew that he avoided going to bed because he struggled to sleep. He had told you once, during a quiet moment together, that simply laying there alone with his thoughts and nothing to distract him led to thinking about his brother, which in turn led to nightmares plaguing the few moments of sleep he did experience.

While you did sympathise with this, sitting on the edge of his bed watching him fight to stay awake and complete his work made you decide it was time to stop him.

"Rollo," You said softly, taking the paper from his hands. "Rollo you need to go to bed. It's late."

Your words were met with a huff and a dismissive hand wave. "I'm not tired. You should go to bed now, though."

"Not tired? Rollo, look at yourself. You're about to keel over. You drifted off at least twice."

At Rollo's silent, almost disbelieving stare, you sighed. "Let me stay here with you tonight. We can lie together until you fall asleep."

There was a moment were Rollo didn't react, his tired brain taking a pause to process your words. When it did, his eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink.

"T-Together?" He stammered. "My flame, I-I am not sure about that."

"Don't worry about it," You assured him smiling. "It'll be nice. Besides." You gestured to his large bed tucked into the corner of the room. "There's plenty of space so we won't annoy each other."

Rollo, still pink, looked at you, then at the bed, then his work and then at you again. He gazed at the paper in your hands, squinting.

The words looked blurry. His head was fuzzy. His eyes hurt. He felt heavy.

"Alright," He relented with a sigh. "Let me get ready and I'll... I'll join you in a few minutes."

You, already in your pajamas, sighed in relief and gently kissed his cheek. "I'll be waiting for you." You said, moving to nestle under the blankets.

Rollo set his work aside and and began to get ready for bed, his cheeks burning a much brighter red at the thought of sharing a bed with you.

He blinked, staring to the mirror as he removed his make up, a million flustered thoughts whirling through his mind.

Sleeping... together? In the same bed? Next to you and your warm soft self? You, likely to sleep far more fitfully than he ever would?

Surely, you would rather sleep in your own bed? The one you were familiar with in feeling, scent and comfort? Your room wasn't far from his, it wasn't a long trip and he could walk with you.

Rollo was standing next to his bed in his pajamas before his mind caught up with him and the flustered thoughts began to dissipate.

Still red and unsure, he simply stood there with his hands at his sides and his eyebrows furrowed, looking between you and his bed.

After two excruciating minutes, Rollo carefully lifted the black, royal purple and wine red covers and climbed in next to you. He was stiff and awkward in his movement, biting his lip almost as if he was embarrassed.

He lay in his back, and stared at the dark ceiling with exhausted dark green eyes. Stubbornly, they refused to shut long enough to let him sleep, flying open at the images that would flash behind his eyelids.

It was just like always.

Alone, in the oppressive silence of his room, images of his brother and Rollo's own failure to rip magic from the world dominated his psyche, making his breath catch in his throat and his mouth open in a silent gasp.

No... no that wasn't quite right. He wasn't alone. You were right next to him, huddled under the blankets and facing towards.

"Mon chéri," Rollo began before he could stop himself. "May we... talk? Please?"

Please. Anything to fill the dreadful silence weighing down on him, suffocating him. Please please please please please-

"Sure," You said, and he could hear the smile in your voice. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything." It took every bit of willpower Rollo had to avoid sounding as desperate as he felt. "I don't mind."

He could feel your gaze, brimming with concern, burning into you.

"Why don't you tell me about your day?" You asked after a pause. "I remember you looked like you wanted to throttle someone earlier. Who was the poor fool this time?"

Rollo let out a breath and rolled his eyes. "Today was... fine. Things were going smoothly despite that idiot Solomon's best efforts. It's impossible to get anything done when he's always glued to his phone..."

His voice flowed into the silence and was soon joined by yours. You shifted from one topic to another, talking about anything and everything. Rollo hung onto your every word, and you returned the gesture.

Slowly, Rollo shifted closer to you, pressing against you and taking hold of your hand in a tight grip. You wrapped your arm around him and his stiff body relaxed a little, comforted by your touch.

It was late when you realised Rollo had stopped speaking. You looked to your side to find him resting his head on your shoulder, eyes closed and chest gently rising and falling.

You smiled at the sight and gently kissed the top of his head.

"Goodnight, Rollo." You murmured. Your own eyes slid shut and slowly the world began to fade away.

***

Gentle golden beams of sunlight filtering through the curtains caused your eyes to flutter open and blink away the sleep.

Stiff and uncomfortable, you tried to turn over and stretch, only to find you couldn't move. Something heavy was weighing you down.

It took a few moments, but your tired mind eventually registered that it was in fact Rollo keeping you pinned on your side.

Rollo had his face buried in your neck and his arms wrapped around you as tightly as possible. His legs were tangled with yours, the position ensuring he was pressed as tightly against you as possible, holding you as if he were afraid you would disappear.

Despite your discomfort, you hadn't the heart to move him. He looked serene, a rare expression to see on his face. You chuckled and gently threaded your fingers through his short white hair, kissing his temple.

"I love you, Rollo."

......................................

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I got excited writing this, so it'd about 1k words in length urugututur

Tagging: @distant-velleity

[toastofthetrashfire]

Color in DFF: Part 2

Okay so here I have a post where I run down some of the way DFF is using color in the past (at least for ep 5-6). But there's even more to unpack in episodes 1-4. I'll have to return to color when more episodes are out cause I'm sure there'll be more clarity and layers to add. But for now let's jump to the present!

Shout out again to @slayerkitty for brainstorming with me!

In part 1 I came to this conclusion:

There are basically 3 groups of colors.

Blue=the friend group, conformity, those trying to harm or coerce others

Red=Non, poverty, outsiders and those with stigma

Yellow=A third category, not in lock step with the group, outliers

So what about the present?!

There's a lot going on with color:

-It show's the character's flaws and desires

-It signals romantic pairing(s)

-It conveys group dynamics and insider/outsider status

On top of that we have people changing colors and exchanging them

Importantly in the present we start getting more than just the strict primary colors groups. Our group is less in sync and now that they've had time to grow up and be apart there's less conformity and cohesion, more fracture. We could argue that more of their own colors are able to come out rather than be subsumed in just blue (though a few characters definitely stick to blue still).

Let's start at the beginning. For a number of these boys their color represents their worse traits and fatal flaws:

Por is in a pale green. This clearly represents his VERY deep relationship with nature (sorry not sorry). It also can represent rebirth which means he isn't dead yet.

Okay, joking aside, green can can represent greed and jealousy. Certainly things relevant to Por who both has it all and still constantly wants and needs more (especially affection from his father) and is willing to take credit from Non to get it. This greed obviously contributed to the way everything spiraled in the past.

Green can also indicate sickness, nausea, and disgust. Por often expresses disgust towards Non, wiping his hand off after touching him. We even get him and Top reacting with disgust in the opening scenes when Fluke is puking.

On one more note, there are cultures that would group green and blue in as the same color so perhaps we can still see him as not so separate from the group as we might think.

Tee and Top are still in blue. These two are dedicated to hiding the truth and protecting themselves. Blue can also indicate loyalty and trust as well as confidence. Tee clearly has an issue with loyalty in both the past and the present. He's quick to throw his friends under the bus but does so while hiding this to still fit in. In the present he struggles with whether to abandon White or protect him. Top on the other hand is over confident, constantly wanting fame and attention.

Tee in particular is interesting because of his tie die shirts. They always mix blue with another color, just like he mixed blue with red in the past. Now it's a pink. Perhaps this means his money troubles have lessened or that he mentally feels less of an outsider or weirdo than when he added red in the past. Or perhaps it shows his strained loyalty to White, containing a color other than blue but not quite orange.

This is certainly the case in a later episode when he changes his t-shirt to blue and orange. I'll mention this later but White is introduced in orange. So Tee's colors show his dedication to the group, his continued attempts to hide secrets that harm people, and his battle between running or staying to protect White.

While Tee switches to orange and blue, Top switches to yellow and white. He makes the switch before he goes off with Tan and returns to kill Por. The yellow is a stark change. Unlike Tee who retains his blue, Top loses it completely. He's in yellow, marking him as an outlier. Is he possessed? Drugged? In any case he is operating without any affinity to the group at this point.

We don't know much about Tan yet, but he's also in blue. He starts in a blue button up and then switches to darker blue with gray underneath. This is a bit odd since he's the most vocal about pushing the old group to reveal what happened in the past. Yet he isn't wearing orange (Phi and White), red (Non), or yellow (outlier). In fact, unlike our other characters he doesn't mix in other colors or change his color at all. It feels very sterile, as if he is operating under different rules. So either he is just part of the group and likely fodder, working with Phi, or up to his own plan. Regardless I think at this point he is probably hiding his color, or rather the show is hiding his color from us for a later reveal of some kind.

Fluke is in purple. It's a balanced mix of blue and red, marking the way he acts as a bystander. He is in the group but not necessarily at the center of it. It also represents ambition, which Fluke clearly has in spades. So much so that as he tries to protect his ambitions, he makes things so much worse.

Interestingly, when Fluke changes clothes he still chooses purple, but his collar has a stripe of red. This of course is what he wears as he starts to crack, ultimately confronting Tee about what happened to Non. The blood on Fluke's hand adds more red.

Jin is in pink and a dark blue or grey. He later switches to a dark blue shirt. So part of him is still attached to the group (blue) but he also operates in a faded pink. Pink can represent love and compassion. We know that Jin acts as the kind one of the group generally. Interestingly this is quite a faded pink, perhaps representing how Jin, despite being kind (or at least having a kind exterior) is quite jaded. He's lost his rose-tinted glasses and they've become a washed out pink.

He no longer is in yellow. Does this mean at some point he failed to push back on the group in an important way? Why is he still with the group and wearing blue/gray colors? Does the fact he's wearing pink, a faded red mean he's still dedicated to Non?

Clown theory: Non was in pink in the preview for episode 7, so does this mark Jin as a romantic pairing with Phi? Does it mean Non died and possessed Jin's body (🤡)?

Phi and White both have orange to start with. They're odd ones out. Interestingly, Phi also has on a denim shirt, making him outwardly seem to match Tee and Top, but the orange shows his true colors. This is very fitting given we know he's up to something (most likely revenge) and not genuinely trying to be a part of the group.

Orange is also partway between red and yellow. If we go by the past, Phi has had something going on with both Non (red) and Jin (yellow, past). Interestingly in this opening shot Phi's backpack moves from blue (his disguised allegiance to the group) to orange (his outsider status) and red (his allegiance to Non). But he is also next to Jin whose pink could be seen as a version of red.

White has orange but like Phi he has blue as well. Does this mean that White is aligned with Phi or is it just a way to signal that White is also a newbie to the group? If so why is Tan not in orange too? Is White Non's brother?

Both Phi and White remove their orange as things progress. Interestingly they both keep the same touches of blue but change to neutral white/light gray tones. They're blending in now, either by force of the situation or in order to hide their intentions. But compared to Tan, we at least see them operating in other colors first.

One last thing of note here. Phi wraps his outer shirt around Jin to brace his shoulder. This completely removes the blue from Phi and gives it to Jin. Is this a color exchange? But blue isn't Phi's color, so does is this an act of protection or is Phi marking Jin as a target?

And what does it mean that Phi is now purely in white--an absence of color? Or is white his color? If so, then what about White?

We've gone from 3 primary colors in the past to a mix of colors in the present. On top of that we have white too, an interesting contrast? pairing? with the black of the mask costume.

Okay this has been equally as much analysis as questions. I'm excited to revisit this when we have even more episodes and information to see what the patterns are here!

[orchid-151]

Sorry to be putting this on this account but it's better for a lot of people to see right off the bat than to post it on my mun account because this is very important...

Be on the lookout for scammers on Tumblr, I just had somebody put an ask and this is what they sent;

They were hoping that I would answer and be "oh gosh golly gee, you poor poor thing I'll spread the word!"

(lots more under-cut plus ranting 👇)

🤓 yeah I'm going to spread the word, please do not fall for something like this. I went on to their page and happened to find this;

And in turn I clicked on the link to see this;

Do understand that most people would have a donation pool opened up for something like this with photos and evidence of their illness as if they tried to do something like that for profit they will end up getting in trouble. No person who is sick is going to just open up a PayPal and ask "please donate as I am sick"...

Just for a quick word of advice unless I know you personally; my asks are only open for questioning my characters, not for you to come in and put a pity party in my lap. I would rather you DM me about possibly helping to boost your illness and problems...

And before you all go "well maybe the PayPal is the only way in which they can get money... Yha jerk!" Keep in mind I'm not the only one they asked...

These are all basically the same ask to multiple people, not asking a question or other statement... Just stating that they have cancer they've been sick a few weeks and that they need money ASAP... And before you jump to conclusions this was the first thing I found when I put the whole ask in the search bar...

Yeah, my point. I don't want to spread this by answering their ass so I'm just deleting and blocking them. If you get an ask like this please delete and block the asker because they are nothing but scammers especially if you see that they have a PayPal open instead of a donation pool... If I cannot read the basic story for the information and judge myself whether you deserve my money or not, then I'm not even going to bother answering the ask.

I asked a friend of mine and they mentioned that there is a Tumblr user on here that can teach you to look out for scammers like this; @kyra45

My friend stated that they were very helpful in helping to find scammers and I hope that they can help you and to prevent from being scammed. There's only a few people in which I will donate to here on Tumblr and if you are a complete stranger I will not donate to you, I WILL BLOCK YOU!

I advise all of you to do the same as I don't want you donating to a scammer who's just going to turn around and not use your money for what they claim they're using it for. To be perfectly honest I don't know a rich person on Tumblr to begin with 😂 don't know about y'all but I'm poor as dirt 🤣

I do apologize for it being so long, but this had to be spread. If you wish to reblog so let other people know that is perfectly fine with me, I just wanted to let y'all know that I would just got this ask and I didn't want anybody to donate to this person... Like I said there's only a few people I already know here on Tumblr who need my money more than this bitch...

Cancer or not, they literally have health plans and coverages for people who have cancer and or other diseases to which you are able to get help and assistance...

ain't no need to plead to everybody on some random platform to get money from them...

[kathaynesart]

I have two questions: one is have you put one of your characters from replica in character.ai? And two I know only know mikey will answer for them correctly so mikey has leo or donnie hade eny love interest in someone before or after the kraang apocalypse? (Also love your art keep up the good work I love it so much I always reared everything👍😁)

I have not. I'll admit I don't really know how that stuff works or how to go about setting it up. Honestly it's probably for the best and would take up too much of my time to try and figure out haha.

Definitely not before the invasion. After? As I've stated before I have no intention on really focusing on romantic relationships in Replica. It wasn't a focus in the show, so it's not a focus here (and trust me, if it was I would have totally jumped on it because I'm such a romantic at heart haha). I wouldn't be surprised either way, so feel free to come to your own conclusion as far as their romantic endeavors. I will say I don't think either of them were in a relationship as of the start of the comic. Whether that's because their love interests died (or in Donnie's case himself lol *cries*), of if they had moved on, or are non-existent can be up to you. I really want to be as true to the characters as possible so everyone can relate to them as they did in the show/movie (and for some viewers, that includes these characters being aero-ace so I want to respect those takes as well). So at this point in their lives they both are/were primarily focused on the survival of the resistance. Also, I will admit, I'm not really into personally creating "OC's" to fit into my story (whether that's as love interests or just secondary characters). I LOVE hearing and learning about other people's OC's, @goobygnarp Melvin, @intotheelliwoods's Goop goblin (I like to call them "Gooplin" until further notice), and @star-sparkler August come to mind (please check them out if you haven't). But I dunno, I get weird about making my own. Usually I'd rather just work with the cast that is already available when it comes to fan-stories. Omega is the closest thing to an OC, but he's also sort of a way to get around that since he's basically just Donnie lol. For this reason, a majority of the characters that will have any sort of screen time in Replica WILL be preexisting characters from the show. Baxter Stockboy is just the first of several that will be making an appearance. :)

[somesecretpie]

I've been receiving a lot of asks in my inbox that I don't want to answer because they are essentially the same and I don't wanna flood my tumble with repeat messages. So this is kind of going to be a "general answering my asks."

1.) To all the folks that told me that they liked my OCD comic and that it helped them in some way, thank you so much. I read your message and it made me very happy. I love all of you, stay strong and good luck!

2.) To all the folks asking me whether or not they have OCD and giving me a detailed list of their symptoms, I am not a mental health professional. I cannot diagnose you with any mental health condition over the internet from a little blurb of information. I would be essentially responding the same thing to each one: visit the IOCDF website for information about OCD. Try checking out this page in particular for a list of mental health conditions commonly mistaken for OCD/that share symptoms with OCD. And if you are struggling, seek professional help or talk to a counselor if you are able to. And generally, be careful with self-diagnosis. I am not against well researched self-diagnosis on principal and I think it can be very useful (especially to people that don't have a lot of money) but fear can definitely cause you to jump to conclusions (usually the worst conclusions.) I've self-diagnosed myself with brain tumors, stomach cancer, and a whole lot of other things with little evidence but my own fear. When you read these informational pages, try to do it with a clear mind. And refrain from reading them over and over. Just once or twice. Alright? Alright.

I did answer one of these asks because it seemed a bit severe and I actually did think I could say something useful that wasn't on the IOCDF website but I am not going to answer the other ones. I hope you understand.

3.) To all the folks asking me if their fictional character they have made with OCD is accurate and/or problematic and giving me detailed descriptions of them or asking permission to write a character with OCD: Lol. Lmao.

Okay but really: I appreciate your questions and want to give you a nice pat on the head for trying to write accurately about a condition that is so widely misunderstood. Sincerely, thank you. But once again, I'm gonna just refer you to the IOCDF website for more information on OCD. Because I don't want to fill up my tumblr with a bunch of these. Hope you understand.

Generally though…all of your characters seem …just fine? Yeah they all seem fine. If you feel like need permission to write a character with OCD, you have my permission. Here you go. I am handing you a pass.

The bar for writing OCD characters is so low. It’s underground. If you know what OCD even is, you’re already doing better than most writers. I guess if I can give you one peice of advice: don’t write the OCD as some kind of superpower. It doesn’t give people super detective skills or make people good at math. There is literally nothing positive about it. Characters with OCD can be badass and awesome of course, but not because of their OCD.

If you really want my specific opinion about your blorbo, you can always message me rather than sending me an anon ask. I promise I will not think you are cringe and I might even answer if I am bored.

Have a nice day!

[chalkrevelations]

OK, no, sorry - apparently I can't wait for tomorrow on this bit.

VINDICATED by a shot of a phone screen.

And yet, I'm still seeing people chipping away at Day's agency like it couldn't be him - and his own explicitly stated and demonstrable fear of how people are going to look at him (lit. and fig.) if they know the truth - that's behind his isolation in his room or these cover stories of disappearing to the US or quitting school to focus on badminton. No, it must be his family inflicting this on him and lying about him because they're the ones who are apparently so ashamed?

I honestly don't understand why so many people seem to be jumping to the conclusion that the cover stories are things that Day's family are spreading for their own selfish reasons, rather than something he's insisting on and they're going along with - whether to allow him some autonomy in how he deals with adjusting to his disability, or simply because we've actually seen what a heinous asshole he can be to Night, at least, when he's frustrated about his situation, and who wants to deal with that? When we've seen Mork confront Day in this very episode about how Day is hiding from his friends? Nothing is stopping Day from answering all those various - literally thousands of - social media messages from his friends that we see sitting unanswered on his phone screen. If Day wanted people to know what was actually happening, he'd tell them. Is there actual evidence in the show that I'm missing, that Night and Ramon are the ones making up the cover stories, let alone preventing him from telling anyone the truth?

Night - the guy who was all, "calm yourself, Mother, he's finally agreed to leave the house, perhaps we could encourage this and not ignominiously sack the guy who managed to make it happen;" the guy who has been Mork's defender from Day Negative-One, based on how good Mork is at getting Day out of his shell and regaining his life and his prior self - Night's apparently making the decision to lie to all and sundry to hide what's happened to Day? Why? Why would he want Mork around and taking Day outside where anybody could run into him, then? Not to mention that we've seen the vicious response Night gets from Day when he pushes back on what Day wants, so why would he be telling tales against Day's will, rather than giving in to what Day wants him to tell people? If Day didn't want Night telling the school that he was focusing on badminton, instead of the truth, he is demonstrably capable of ripping Night a new one over it. It's not like Day's not going to find out what Night told his academic advisor, and Night doesn't seem the least bit worried or guilty about Day going to talk to the guy and comparing stories. Until we learn otherwise, I'm operating under the assumption that this is what Day told Night to tell the school. What is Night supposed to do, tell everyone Day's business against Day's will? Wherefore Day's autonomy in that situation?

Night is the one who's looking at Day with hope rather than apprehension whenever Day makes a move to be more independent and move out of his shell - to get the sauce from the cabinets on his own, to leave the house. Yes, my guy was uptight about Day coming into the Shining Institute with him in Ep 1 and yelled about how hard it can be to take care of Day, and I think all of that's perfectly understandable - it's terrifying to suddenly find yourself completely responsible for someone's well-being, particularly someone who will literally put themself in danger to spite you, and he's dealing with a guy who's refused to come out of his room and learn to move around his own house, now wanting to wander around the world with no practice?

Also, wow, god forbid a mom be protective of her baby and have to learn to let go some.

I really feel like there are people determined to impute sinister motives to Day's family when they really are just people who have - like many, many people - never really had to deal with disability in their life and are suddenly having to learn how, all while being shut out by a family member who's going through their own shit and who they're having to carefully calibrate where they think they should fall on allowing him his autonomy, avoiding the way he lashes out at them when he's frustrated and angry, and trying to learn what's actually the best way to help him. I reiterate, they're not doing this perfectly, there's more they could do, but I also don't think they're getting a lot of credit for the fact that they can only do what Day will allow.

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Update 234 Review: King, Evaluated

Summary

I'm not going to really bother with a summary for this chapter. It's a really simple story -- Atomic Samurai challenges King to show him his strength, overthinks it, and lets King off the hook. And goodness knows people have told and retold it to a nonsensical degree. So let's move onto the meta, shall we?

Meta: Cognitive Biases Ahoy!

I hope that no one is sitting here thinking of Atomic Samurai as stupid. Tempting as it is, ONE is showing here a set of pitfalls that even intelligent people fall into. Heck, some of them are pitfalls that people fall into precisely because they're intelligent. Shall we go through them?

The easiest one is confirmation bias. You see this all the time. Our love of finding out that we're right is so strong that it's been necessary to create a whole discipline in the sciences to prevent us from fooling ourselves -- and we still do that, alas. When faced with a phenomenon, we make up some suppositions of what might be happening… and unless we're very, very careful, we try to prove that it's the case, rather than it's not the case.

Atomic Samurai (and his disciples) have the thought that King is really strong, and while Atomic Samurai correctly notes that he's seen nothing in person to evidence King's strength, his go to is to try to confirm that King is strong, not try to see the opposite. Because of that, when given ambiguous evidence, heck, even negative evidence, of King not being seen to so much as draw the sword, he jumps to the conclusion that King must be at least as strong, if not stronger, than the swordsmen so skilled that they can cut objects such that they rejoin themselves, rather than King did nothing. It's not stupidity. It only looks that way because we've been given the answers and believe ourselves smart -- that's not smart of us.

We love confirmation bias because it does not involve us having to challenge what we think we know, which can be upsetting. We don't like to find out that we're wrong.

Speaking of things we don't like to see, there's a second thing at play, one that the proud really fall prey to. We really hate having to admit ignorance and would rather confabulate than go, 'I don't know.' If admitting ignorance to ourselves is hard, admitting it in front of our peers is even harder. Since Atomic has plenty of pride, and his disciples are not much better, when King started bullshitting about atmospheric conditions and the effect that fighting would have, rather than look ignorant, they pretended that they knew what King was talking about.

Lucky for King, eh?

Well, let's talk a little about King and his luck. If King is bullshitting like his life depends on it, that's because it does. The reason King has managed to survive for so long is that he's never, ever, not even once, fooled himself into believing himself to be in possession of any powers. So far, he has been lucky, that much he knows. He also knows that 'good' isn't the only flavour that luck occurs in. So when he's in front of a threat, he's not pretending to be terrified, he is. And that honest terror makes him look and sound scary.

Just scary enough that people think twice about whether they really want to push their luck and test him, given that there really is a hero out there who annihilates everything at a single blow and they've been told that guy is this 'King' fellow in front of them. If King had the nonsense to believe in his luck, he'd not be as scared -- and the facade would fall apart.

Believe it or not, that's all I really have to say about this conflict.

Just a few more bits to mop up.

First, I really like that there's a framework for the apple not noticing that it's been cut. Given that it's not possible to keep things a surprise given that many readers of the manga have either read the webcomic or know someone who has, I like how ONE has solved the problem. Rather than pretending that a no-longer-a-surprise is nevertheless a surprise, he's given it roots and incorporated it into the story. And the sword not noticing that it'd been drawn? I laughed. Sorry if you cried.

Second, speaking about vulnerability, it's interesting that Amai Mask did not lose face by showing that he too could be scared, could fail, could be vulnerable. We get to see Atomic's view of it and he has found real respect for Amai Mask for being able to admit all those things publicly, and then find a way to pull himself together and keep fighting. It's both neat in itself, because it takes real courage to be publicly vulnerable, and it's neat because it's precisely what neither Atomic nor his disciples could do when faced with King: admit their own doubts and ignorance.

Since I'm writing this with the benefit of more chapters, bet on it that I will be returning to the matters of Sweet Mask and King, but for now, we shall leave things here.

[vro0m]

You think Helmut may actually leave Red Bull?!💀 I’m thinking it’s all just a power play and they’re going to meet in the middle somehow cuz Red Bull (whatever they like to think, isn’t going to survive at this moment without Newey and Max) also I’m no lawyer or HR person but I don’t get the suspension of Helmut?? You didn’t suspend Horner when you investigated him and is firing Helmut for leaking those stuff not basically confirming that those stuff did in fact happen??

No, firing HM would not mean anything by itself. Let's again be very careful with the jumping to conclusions thing in this situation. We still don't know for a fact that the material on the google drive is real. I'm not saying it is not, it may very well be, but we don't know. We don't know that HM is the source of the leak either. I've also seen divergent interpretations of whether he said he could be fired/suspended, or whether he said he might leave out of his own volition. And Newey being brought up in the midst of all this is coming from nowhere really afaik. But more than anything there's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes that we are not aware of.

The main problem with the RBR situation, as many people who are actually in and around F1 have pointed out, is the total lack of transparency. From the outside in it does look like there's at least 1) the employee harassment case and 2) a power play going on (already rumored last season btw). But what exactly is going on and who is in whose camp and what's a stake and how these two things are interrelated is impossible to tell from where we, as spectators, stand.

Speculating on such unclear circumstances is simply a bad idea, especially when we are talking about real outside-F1 potential consequences and victims. This is not a game.

What's for certain is that they're gonna have to solve this sooner rather than later because it is explosive, obviously very bad for the team and the brand, and some key players are more or less explicitly threatening to walk out on them, including their sponsors that are getting real annoyed by the lack of explanations.

This goes beyond the realm of usual F1 politics and I again urge everyone to restrain themselves from reading into things like it's daily gossip. All we can do is wait and see what happens.

[funnier-as-a-system]

hello! i'm aware this might be a strange question to ask, but is it possible for an introject to be unaware of or even in denial of who they are? not even necessarily in the sense of "well, i can't be an introject, i'm not part of a system" (though that is... another issue we may have), but just in the sense of denying any connection? and, if so, is there any way to help them see who they are? as i ask this, i realize that may sound as though i intend to force them into an identity they don't want. i want to assure you this is not the case- they've expressed a desire to be this person on multiple occasions, but simply refuse to believe that they could ever possibly be them, whether it's due to them believing they don't act similarly enough, or that we, in this body, haven't had the same accomplishments. they are denying this identity out of their own personal restrictions they seem to have placed on themself, despite them both desperately wanting to be that person and not having a solid identity outside of that.

is there any way to help? is this even something we should try to help with, or is it better off left alone? i don't want to force them into something they don't want, and i don't want to influence them to become something they're not, and we admittedly don't really have proof that they are that person, but it seems as though being them would make them much happier.

thank you for listening and for any advice you may have!

Yes, this happens sometimes. Just as with any other identity, sometimes, denial is simply a phase one needs to go through before they can accept themselves. I'd recommend just giving them room to figure it out themself– don't pressure them, but make sure they know the option is always open. Perhaps you could introduce them specifically to introject or 'kin spaces, so as to make the idea of this sort of thing just a casual occurrence rather than a large jump in identity. Above all, be casual about it yourself, whether they end up identifying as that person or not. There's nothing that makes self-discovery more difficult than feeling like the people around you are waiting for you to come to a certain conclusion. I wish you and your system the best!

[henqtic]

fluttery . xavier thorpe x black!reader . wc: 2514.

continuation of my only girl.

i also decided to write this part with you / your pronouns just because i feel like it’s just be better when writing mostly fluff. it just feels like you’re more there more, you know?

note: the beginning is sort of filler ( i adore filler ) but if you don't, just go to where it says the gift . . . !

·:*₊‧ masterlist . taglist form . request works . ·:*₊‧✩

opening . . . 

After what happened in his art shed that night, the thing Xavier had been planning to gift to you had become more of an. . . afterthought of sorts.

Not that it wasn’t important or anything – it was initially how he was going to tell you, or rather show you how he had been feeling. But since everything found its way unfolding all on its own, he felt as though it would’ve been overwhelming in a way.

His sketchbook had been an outlet for him, not anything like the other where it was sweet and just things that came to mind. It was about his relationship, or therefore lack of with his father. 

How his mental health restricted so much of him. It went from doing what he wanted to do to feeling how he wanted to feel. Overwhelming insecurities and distrustments that led to him letting a lot of good things pass him right by.

But he wasn’t going to let you slip away, within the millicencond your hands found their way in his hair that night, he made it official.

For every page right in the eye of the spinning hurricane of his mind, was one centering his feelings about you. It was like a diary, a diary that had [ your name ] written in sparkly pink ink with hearts around it. Its existence and the circumstances he used it under, was the reason you had felt so differently that night, and jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

He wanted to share it with you, to explain everything in a way he had never even attempted to before. But it would have been so much all at once.

So he didn’t plan on giving it to you for at least two weeks afterwards, and then those weeks passed, and then the next pair, and the ones after that. And then it just faded away.

He was much too preoccupied with what was in front of his face.

Because it was you.

Your lips, and your hair and your voice, your smile, smell, touch, everything about you was just within fingertips reach. There wasn’t anymore angst or weary about whether or not a boundary in your friendship was liable to be overstepped.

Just simply yearning to get impossibly closer.

That was his favorite part.

The fact that he didn’t completely give up his best friend and that relationship, but finding new things that made you even more inseparable.

You didn't hold back or hesitate anymore. Knitting your fingers together while walking to classes, doing homework, or lying down.

There were mandatory goodbye, hello, and ‘just because you looked very kissable’ kisses. And mindlessly tapping the beat of the music playing through your headphones on to his legs, never noticing the blush that would infiltrate his neck and ears.

Or especially late night when he’d sneak in through your window - your hands never leaving his skin.

Past times were filled with his head snuggled into the crook of your neck, your manicured nails running smooth on his scalp until soft and rhythmic tufts of breath would let you know he’d fallen asleep on top of you.

His lips on the supple skin of your neck, not stopping until a pretty [ purplish / reddish ] hue was speckled all around. He’d spend hours on them if he could. And each and every time he debated whether or not it would show with the uniform; plotted really, conveniently misplacing your concealer in different spots every morning until you started hiding it from him.

For the past four months, you weren’t sure if you had been participating in meaningful conversation with others, or just looking right through them to find each other. And after the first actual big argument, and the tears, and the ignoring, and then bouncing back even better, he decided that there wasn't a better time to finally give it to you.

the gift . . . 

Getting a text from Xavier early in the morning had become a part of your routine, just a simple good morning and an offer of a plate of breakfast to be brought up to your dorm, or a companion to walk to the dining hall with. 

This morning, though, he sounded a little more hostile; don’t wear shoes you love, old sweater, dark jeans, not the flares. You’ll be upset with me if you mess them up, love you.

When you responded with nothing but a few question marks, he said that it was a surprise and just to go with it. So you did, allowing him to place his hands over your eyes the minute you reached the woods, with the hopes that he wasn’t planning on throwing you in some lake.

No lake, just a puddle. Some upturned roots, rocks hidden underneath leaves, and a few odd looking mushrooms – not that you’d know, he hadn’t let you see anything in about ten minutes and narrated the whole way.

It was a bubbly adventure, to say the least, attempting to stay upright and still keep it all a secret. He was like a direction blind GPS, the only one in your pair who knew where you were going and still somehow giving himself the worst possible directions.

So, when he finally came to a halt that wasn't followed by a sharp breath, your voice was eager, “Can I please open my eyes now?”

“Uhh,” Xavier drawled as he kept his palms in place, tapping his fingers on your face – you could almost feel the smirk on his lips.

He wildly turned your body in a circle — this way, that way; like a birthday girl getting ready to hit the piñata, laughs breaking out from your stomachs.

A curse was muttered under his breath as he almost lost his footing. You stumbled backward, grabbing onto his sweater tightly, not having much faith that this time wouldn’t be the one where he finally made you both fall on your faces.

“Xavier. If you twist our ankles I’ll never even look at you again,” you threaten lightly, your back flat against his broad chest.

“I won’t twist our ankles baby — ”

“Mhm.”

“Mhm? How about I make it up to you by giving you your sense of sight back?” He offered teasingly, tilting his head down so that his cool breath blew on you, taking the way the fat of your cheeks rose and warmed like a ready cake as a yes.

You blinked rapidly, adjusting to the light as he uncovered your eyes.

He decided that the most appropriate way to give you the gift was as a surprise.

You love surprises. As tedious as they may be, surprise doodles on your arms, surprise kisses, surprise dates, surprise gifts, and hopefully, this surprise would end like all of its predecessors.

Today was a nice day. Sunday, and thankfully, there weren’t any classes scheduled for tomorrow. 

The sun shined exceptionally bright, just to spite the cool wind making the trees sing. The grass was just the right amount of rained on so that it wasn't stiff and sharp, but it wouldn’t leave mud stains on your pants.

It was the perfect spot, littered with beauty he’d never seen in the town before. There were fields of bluebells around in some parts of the grass, along with daisies, mums, and some other flowers he didn’t know the name of. Maybe it was abandoned by the gardening club?

He actually didn’t even know of a gardening club at Nevermore so maybe he was a part of the reason why it potentially got disbanded. Either way, he was happy to see that everything looked nearly untouched. The little date was set up in a clearing by a tree.

“This place is so beautiful,” you looked around in awe of the blooming nature before anything else, gleaming at the setup once noticed.

Two canvases were waiting in front of you, much smaller than his usual ones, paint brushes, acrylic paints, mason jars of water, and a particularly sharp pencil if you created something that needed it.

You continued holding onto his forearms, loosening your grip so that you could turn around and show him your wide grin.

“Xavier Thorpe. Have you decided to reopen my drawing lessons after a full year. . . and a month?”

He was smiling just as, if not more radiantly than you were. Boyish dimples prominent on his cheeks, happy at your excitement at it all. His mouth opened, moved, and closed as if it’d forgotten how to formulate words.

“Yeah. I decided that since I’m such a kind and forgiving boyfriend, I should give you another chance. Even after you not only almost got yourself but two other people mangled by a killer creature.”

He nearly rethought his decision altogether after saying the last sentence with some desperation.

"Oh please, Dabeer wasn’t even that bad, just a little you know, feisty.”

Your attempt at reasoning made a look of disgust riddle his face.

“You gave that thing a name?”

“I gave him a name. He only started rampaging when you said ‘Jesus that thing is ugly.’ You gotta learn to be more sensitive Xavier.”

You scoffed half-heartedly as he shook his head, pushing his chest away lightly and making a run towards the tree.

A bunny had nestled itself in the flowers right in front of your date, peaceful and sleeping, and just the thing you needed to jumpstart your little contest.

It was a thrown game, obviously, he could outdraw, paint, sculpt, and whatever other artistic secrets he had, anyone in Jericho. So he gave you a ten minute head start, most of it just being him looking up the anatomy of a bunny.

“Okay so on the count of three we reveal.”

“One. . . two. . . three!”

Compared to his, yours looked . . . subpar. As expected.

He’d taken it upon himself to draw a bouquet alongside the animal, already animating them just enough for the wind outside to blow them around too.

Yours, on the other hand, was unfinished and very. . . fun looking, to say the least. That was literally the only adjective he could come up with before he hid his face behind his canvas to laugh.

“Stop it, you’re making him feel bad,” you frowned, turning over the painting to take a second look at the animal.

“I’m sorry babe, just- look at it. It looks more like a kangaroo with a deformity than it does a sleeping bunny.”

“You know what?" You challenged with a gleam in your eyes, “I’m gonna take a picture of this and ask people what they think it is. Because it does look like an adorable normal bunny and not something painted by an overachiever.”

“Is it really overachieving if I’m just naturally better?”

You rolled your eyes at the cockiness radiating off of him. Starting to fish for your phone somewhere in your bag, giving him the perfect chance to grab the box from out of his and sit it in the space in between your bodies.

“Here it is,” you exclaimed, opening the camera app, then immediately dropping it right back into the abyss of your tote bag once your attention landed on the neatly wrapped box instead.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a gift.”

“Well yeah it’s a gift, but I didn’t get you anything,” your features softened, “I thought I was gonna be able to beat you to the next date.”

“Don’t feel bad, it's actually the one I was gonna give you when you first came by the art shed.” A breathy laugh followed.

Your eyes illuminated by as you recalled the memory.

“Why are you just now giving it to me then?"

“Well, just open it. I’ll explain.”

Your eyes followed him for a moment, lifting the top of the box. Inside was a familiar sketchbook. With fraying corners, leather wasting away in some places, and filled to the brim with filled in, ripped out, and additional pages added.

It was his sketchbook, the one you were never allowed to take a close look at.

“Can I open it?” You asked carefully, holding it like it was one of the most sacred objects in the world.

“Yeah, of course.”

In the pages lay drawings, mostly black and white per his usual drawing style. Some were more frantic than others, with scribbles and swirls around a face, more refined and older that always had some look of disapproval. His father, probably. He'd told you enough to understand the strain of the relationship. And then there were the ones of you.

Smiling softly, face scrunched in confusion, disgust, sadness, tiredness, but most of it happiness. Your side profile, hands moving in different positions of your face that proved to say he probably took inspiration from a slow day in class. One of you with the same hairstyle you’d worn some day when you were at the weathervane laughing at someone's dog eating whipped cream out of a water cup.

“Why are you giving this to me?” Your voice was gentle, closing up the sketchbook and placing your hand on top of his.

He quickly flipped his over, allowing your fingers to weave together.

“Well it’s originally how I was gonna confess to you and you know open up about everything — but then everything happened and if I gave you this too then it would’ve been too much. And I didn't want what we had to just end so soon.”

“Why would it be over? This is just as beautiful as your art studio is not more.”

“It’s just, you know, we just found out we’re in love with each other, and if I added this too it was gonna be like some nuclear love bomb and relationships never last that way.”

“That’s what you think?”

“That’s what I know. Have you seen Ajax this past week? He’s moping cause Enid said she needed space. Which isn’t that surprising cause they were always with each other. Like sickeningly, like there was no way they could physically think longer than two minutes. But still, I thought they were gonna last for —”

Your stomach flutters as he opens his mouth to continue on, picking up your rambling trait. So you keep him quiet instead, leaning in to cup his cheek and kiss him. It was different from all the others, slow and sensual like he could feel everything you wanted to say.

“If you gave this to me in the art shed, or an hour after we left it, I would’ve felt just like I do now.”

“And how do you feel?”

“I feel really. . . fluttery.”

“Fluttery?” He gave you an affectionate smile, his dimples carving out his face beautifully as he attempted to understand the descriptions you gave of your emotions.

“Like, flustered. But in a really really good way. I—,” you huffed out a heavy breath, “I love the thought behind this. I love and appreciate the fact that you’re comfortable enough to show me this sketchbook. I’m happy that you’re actually trying not to close me off anymore. I love this and I love you.”

“Thank you, Xavier.”

🔖— @wxnderingthoughts​ 

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