#i just discovered them but they go harder than a mf

[xoivy]

Danger incorporated fucks sooo hard dude

[blindmagdalena]

Back pain anon again, I love homie but he would honestly be such a whiny mf depowered. He’s like an angy kitten in the way that every new thing is an Indignity to be Suffered. He can’t hear through walls and you actually startle him? Humiliating. Stubbed his toe? Absolute misery. Oh gosh Imagine him getting SICK? Like actually ill? He would 100% think he’s in hell. Sorry king you have to take Tylenol like the rest of us

The man who has never so much as had a toothache in his life suddenly has to deal with the fact that sitting too long makes his back hurt, but lying down wrong will make his neck AND back hurt. He's got a headache because blue light from screens suddenly affects his eyes way worse, he definitely needs glasses to read, but he won't admit it, and on top of that, he didn't sleep enough last night. You've discovered he has 'Princess and the Pea' syndrome, and no matter what he does, the bed just doesn't feel right.

He catches his finger in the door and screams so loud, you'd think he'd been stabbed. He's grouchy as fuck when you bring him ice and a mix of painkillers.

"What, mixing narcotics now?" He asks sourly. " They're not narcotics. It's ibuprofen and Tylenol." "Great, because fuck my liver, too, right? Might as well wash it down with a sixpack of Pabst," he grumbles, slumping back against the couch.

You sigh, setting them down on the table alongside a glass of water. "Take them or don't, I'm just trying to help," you say, but as you turn to leave, he catches your hand. "Wait, just... Sit down a minute, alright?" He says, voice tight. It makes you feel a little guilty. You know this is hard for him, but it hasn't exactly been easy for you, either. With only a trace of lingering reluctance, you sit down. He still has his fingers curled around your wrist. His thumb absently taps against your skin. "What is it?" You ask, trying not to sound as tired as you feel. He's not the only one who hasn't been sleeping. His lips are pursed, jaw tight. Every so often his jaw will relax, his lips will move as if to speak, but inevitably they tighten back up. He wants to answer, he has something to ask of you, he just doesn't seem to know how to.

Perhaps he wants assurance. Comfort. You were beginning to feel like he was taking your words for granted, but... You startle him by pulling your hand out of his grasp. He looks up at you, ready to protest, but stops when you catch him by the back of his neck, and pull him down into your arms, cradling him to your chest. "It's okay," you whisper, carding your fingers through his hair. "It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm going to take care of you."

He's stiff for a long moment, rigid in the gentleness of your embrace, but when he lets go, he sinks wholly into your hold. He slips his arms around your waist and nuzzles up into the crook of your neck, exhaling a shaky breath.

It's been harder these days than it ever was for him to admit any weakness at all. At least when he had his powers, he felt safety in being vulnerable with you. He had the means to protect himself, to be independent. He was physically invulnerable. Now, it's as if any admittance at all of needing you terrifies him. More now than ever, now that he relies on you for more than just his emotional needs.

"I love you," he says quietly, hands balling up into fists in the fabric of your shirt. He squeezes you against him, and though he may not be a supe anymore, his grip is strong. Needy. "I know," you say, voice soft. You stroke through his hair with one hand while the other rubs soothing circles on his back. "I love you, too. We're going to get through this."

He doesn't respond other than by pushing into you, forcing you to recline back onto the couch. He's still as warm as he ever was, and his weight feels good against your body. You exhale a deep breath, only now feeling how much tension you had been carrying.

Limbs tangled up on the couch, you both sleep better than either of you have in weeks.

[wastemanjohn]

happy ww dude!!! do you think there are any kinks that dean had with john that he doesn't have with same, and do you think there are any that he discovered that he JUST has with sam>

Happy WW Rae! Or indeed nearly next Wednesday now!

Woof what a question.

So I think that John actually enjoys sex a lot, when he's in the right headspace at least - I think hes very much Dean's father in that respect. However at the same time, like many people, I tend to err on the side of John being nauseatingly vanilla. Like, the goal is getting off. I think John's idea of adventurous is fucking on the floor. He's maybe even a little prudish? Idk incest aside obviously but I think he might literally faint if Dean asked him to piss in his mouth or something. I think he maybe doesn't understand the point of most kinky things, and is quite surprised/unnerved the more he learns about Dean's (canonical, which is a gift) proclivities. I think, purely because Dean's hot when he's all turned on, he'd indulge Dean with some pretty low key stuff - a bit of spanking, maybe tying him up a little - but ultimately he finds it all a bit daunting, or even just kinda pointless, and doesn't really vibe with it. I can see him very much being a "but what does [kink/fetish] have to do with sex?" type person lol.

Apart from one thing. I think Dean owns panties. I think he gets off on the simple fact of owning them, and keeps them very hidden. I don't think he admits that particular kink to John out of embarrassment, but... say John comes home earlier than planned once and catches Dean spread out on a motel bed, naked aside from a silky red thong, happily jerking off for a while before he realises John is standing in the doorway gawping... I lean towards this flipping all kinds of fucked up switches in John's brain. We could get deep about the emotional incest that may have led them here or we could all just agree that John pushing those panties aside, rolling Dean over and fucking him senseless in them while role-playing husband and wife is really hot. And probably something they'd struggle to stop revisiting afterwards because they'd get off on it so so much.

So yeah, needless to say, even if Sam thinks it's the hottest thing in the world Dean would never be putting on panties for Sam. He was Daddy's pretty baby girl. He's never going to be anyone else's.

As for Sam... while I don't see Sam as 100% vanilla (we've all seen that primal MF in action) I do wonder if he'd have a harder time indulging Dean's more masochistic/subby kinks even if he wanted to because of his fear of being evil. (Early seasons at least). Like he's scared that if he gets off on hurting or dominating Dean what that might say about him... so idk if they'd avoid doing anything too out there for that reason. Although after they've been to hell I'd imagine they'd both develop some pretty nasty and gory kinks lol, whether they liked it or not. Stuff they probably couldn't do to each other without one of them getting killed shall we say but they could definitely get off on some very warped fantasies together... indulge each other in that because literally nobody else they sleep with could ever understand why they might have developed a taste for disembowelment or something. John would be turning in his grave if he knew what s11/12 Sam and Dean's dirty talk consisted of. And the boys probably laugh about it.

[crazyyfilmyfreak]

My Black Adam⚡ Review obviously no Spoilers but you can Still Skip it if you want 🤷🏻‍♂️

SO Idk what kind of weird coke / weed they critics were smoking while review bombing this film 😭 like its not even drugs they must have drank some cheap liquor drinking drunkard's piss COZ BLACK ADAM IS AWESOME , I mean yes it did have some flaws but it is no way a 47 RT score film 😑

Rock was Good 👍🏻 I will not say it is a once in life time performance or any other bullshit like that and i will be honest with you he was just fine & his performance could have been much better & strong but hey the good thing is this performance of rock as Black adam is kinda very honest & heartfelt in his all recent films where he practically played only one character and but in here he perfectly nailed & brought that arrogance,wittyness,egoistic,jerk ass, swag and all other characteristic traits that we expect from Black adam, it was such a pure delight to see him on screen every single time💀 he was born to play this role & there are too many HARD ASS SHOTS & COOL ASS ACTION SCENES IN THE FILM & I THINK NO ONE WOULD HAVE DONE BETTER JUSTICE AS BLACK ADAM OTHER THAN ROCK

AND SEEING JSA IN ACTION MADE THE CHILD INSIDE ME VERY HAPPY & I WAS LITERALLY IN TEARS WHEN I SAW THEM TOGETHER ON THE BIG SCREEN FOR THE FIRST TIME 😭❤

By the end of the film you will love all the JSA members in an equal way & everyone did justice to their characters and i have never i repeat i have never ever thought i would see noah centineo in a Dceu / Mcu film like i hated him back in those Netflix's " all the boys i have loved " phase where all the women were drooling over him & they were attacking tom holland and since i was a tom holland stan ... i hated this mf much harder but now some years later i now liked him in this movie 💀 he was fine and Quintessa Swindell....WHERE DO I START & WHAT DO I HAVE TO SAY 😭 I WAS JUST IN AWESTRUCK EVERYTIME I SAW HER ON SCREEN MY SWEET & BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS PRINCESS I AM SO WEAK FOR HER 👉👈 Idk if the lesbians on the internet have discovered her as cyclone yet but if they do they are gonna have a field day with the straight dudes for her 💀 and i feel there is lot of back story to her character which needs to be explored and Aldis hodge has this natural charm & swag inside him and this may not be the right thing to say but i will still say it i loved seeing him angry & annoyed in the movie coz he looked so fucking hot like that 😭🔥 & Pierce Brosnan is Going to win everyone's heart once y'all finish watching the movie & So in Overall i would like to say that i had so much fun while watching Black Adam , It is Awesome , the film has a proper story, themes , the action sequences are too good & lit 🔥 and lot of passion & heart was put into this film and we can clearly see it on screen & Do wait for the mid credits don't run away coz you are going to hear the loudest & longest screams and appreciation to a certain character 😌🤝🏻

Final Word : Do watch it , Black Adam⚡ is Spectacular

[neptunianashes]

I'm not saying men are not superficial because we also are, but women are way waaaay more superficial than men... like, it's not even close. For starters, they care about things men don't even notice or think like voice tone, veins, hands, height, posture, etc. They are also way more picky than men. They even care more about their bodies than men do, almost no men has body dysmorphia but many women have a lot of problems with how they perceive their own bodies they care way way more about it than most men care about it. They also care more about how they dress than how men care how we dress. So, I truly don't know why it's so normalized to say we are more superficial than them when it is clearly not like that. I think women are projecting that because it's so important to them that they think it must be equally important for us. Just like when they project that because their partner doesn't give them enough attention like they used to then must be because they started cheating on them and so women go and cheat, and then at the end they discover he wasn't cheating at all and he was just working harder because of a promotion. Mfs are always constantly projecting cuz of their insecurities.

[galacticwildfire]

Illicit Affairs | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Eight

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Amidala!oc

Rhea Amidala meets Obi-Wan Kenobi when he and his master come to her younger sisters aid and he discovers the queen's sister was once a Jedi, expelled from the order for her unwillingness to forgo love and attachment. The two stranded together on Tatooine find common ground despite their differences, and above all a hope within the other for something greater than themselves.

He hopes for her to rejoin the order, while she hopes for him to leave, and both are left reeling from their illicit affair, until ten years later he is once again called to her sister's service and they are catapulted into each other's lives by a war that will set them on the same path of secrecy and tragedy.

Word count: 6.2k

Tags/warnings: angst, pining, anakin being whiney and obi-wan being tired, obi-wan pov, rhea v Palpatine, yoda being a sassy mf, anakin exposing obi-wan

A/N: whoo time jump, it's time for hello (there) by adele

~

~

~

Obi-Wan

"Obi," her tired voice says as I look out the window of my room, the city illuminating the dark night. "Sweetheart come back to bed."

Another nightmare, another horrid dream that haunts me.

"It's alright darling go back to sleep, I'll be there soon," I tell her but feel her careful hand slip around my waist to hold me. "Don't let me keep you up."

"It's hard to sleep when I know why you're up," she tells me, her voice gentle. "But you don't need to face those nightmares alone, not anymore."

I look back at her and her brown doe eyes are soft, when she looks at me like this I can't help but melt for her knowing the softness in her eyes is reserved for me only. "I love you, you know that right?"

"Well I sure hope so," she says as I take her in my arms, the curls of her hair cascading down her back. "Because I love you too, and that means not having to face the nights alone."

I trace her lips and kiss her slowly, the touch of her burnt into my mind as if its only purpose is to haunt my dreams and I look down at her beautiful face knowing this isn't real.

And yet selfishly I let myself dream for a moment longer as she holds me, melting away the pain and anguish for just a moment as she tells me she loves me.

When I wake that pain comes back even worse.

I thought with time the dreams would fade and yet the more time passes the worse they become. Instead of memories of our time together it's visions of what could have been. Visions of if I fought just a bit harder, if I hid my feelings from her better, if I didn't fail her, if I'd followed Qui-Gon's counsel.

I force myself from bed and make myself a cup of caf, picking up my datapad and flick through the holonews until I stop at the sight of her face, and going against my better judgement I tap on the news coverage, just as I somehow always seem to do regardless of how I try to resist.

That first half a year the coverage of Naboo was everywhere and Rhea was right at the forefront with Padme. Padme does what she can to keep her anonymity, perhaps Rhea decided to step forward for that reason, to give them a face to project so no one became familiar enough with Padme's they'd be able to distinguish her from her handmaidens. Rhea was elected as Princess of Theed not long after the invasion, essentially a mayoral position that left me confused since civil service was never her passion, but it made sense when she began the investigation and since then with the claims regarding the Chancellor her face has again been everywhere.

Back then in those six months, I watched to see that she was alright, happy, to admire her, but also to make sure there were no physical consequences of our night together since my attempts at being safe well... they regrettably disappeared somewhere after midnight along with all other sense.

Perhaps in my moments of doubt and insecurity in those earliest days training Anakin I looked for an out, almost prayed she would come to me to give me a reason to leave, to give Anakin to a master who could train him better than I could. That she would come with the one duty that would be greater than any other, all so I could go back to her, all so I didn't have to confront my own fear of failure. Even now I fear I'm failing Anakin, day by day still having little idea of what I'm doing or if I'm doing it right and I scoff at how I could have ever thought I'd do better by a child of my own.

I know the council doubts my capabilities as well. I know how they expressed disappointed in me when I chased after her when they made the decision to not allow her to return, when they saw what I could not hide well enough. I know in the way they looked at me they saw my Master and believed I'd inherited his disobedience but not his strength. Rhea, she always had the disobedience they hated but the strength to support it, a strength even the council had to admire. That is something I do not have, I never had the strength to go through with my desire to be with her, my disobedience.

And that willingness to disobey, it didn't frighten me enough then in that moment, it would be in the aftermath that it hit me just how truly I'd betrayed my discipline with the parts of myself I'd tried to deny. The anger after my master was struck down, the fear as I watched the sith toy with her and then everything that came afterwards. I was a padawan nobody wanted, not even Master Qui-Gon, and the attributes I hated I thought I'd erased them through sheer discipline and devotion to the force and to code. Oh how I was wrong.

But there she was, telling me my feelings, my fears, everything I'd spent a decade trying to kill were natural, and not only that, she admired them, she saw them and only held me closer. The very moment I allow myself to feel those things, to accept them... again I had to bury them for the code, for Anakin, and still somehow I struggle worse than I ever did before I met her. All because her way of thinking changed mine forever, everything I was raised by the order to believe shattered. It was only then at the very end I finally understood my master, why he resisted the council and went against orders, how he tried so desperately for years to get me to see what Rhea managed to do on that night on Tatooine when we laid under the stars together.

It leaves me torn even now, trying to do what I promised Qui-Gon I would, telling myself she would tell me to do the same, yet I still crave to just hear her say it, to tell me what nobody else will.

And so when I see her face on the holonews I think what more harm can I do to myself by pressing on the article.

"The Lady Rhea Amidala has finished her term as Princess of Theed and will today face the senate as they deliberate on her investigation into the Invasion of Naboo and accusations against the chancellor."

Her face is shown, a recent holopicture of her addressing a crowd on Naboo, her hair in the same simple braid down her back, smiling, dignified, by all appearances happy, fulfilled and yet there is an emptiness in her eyes.

"Following the invasion she was elected by a landslide vote to serve a two year term as Princess of Theed and despite calls for her to succeed her sister as the second Queen Amidala she has instead taken up the newly formed mantel of General, leading the controversial militarisation of Naboo despite resistance from politicians."

I smile to myself, able to imagine how hard she must have fought for it. I can hear her now staring down a room of old politicians, cursing each of them out as she did with the council and giving them no possible space to refuse her. While I was surprised to hear she did not run to succeed Padme despite how many wanted her to it made sense to me, she's always been a protector, never the protected. 

She knows she can do more as a maverick general than she ever could as a queen bound by the rules and opinions of a council she is meant to listen to, much like Qui-Gon, and suddenly I understood why he never joined the council. If Rhea ever became queen I dare say it would be the closest thing to authoritarian rule they've had knowing her tendency to take charge instead of deliberating.

It's then live holonews is suddenly projected and reporters are filming her disembarking her ship and it's only then I realise that she is here, just across the city from me.

She's here.

There's a knock at the door and I drop my holopad in a haste to bury the evidence of what I was watching as if it was some forbidden holovid, but thankfully it's only Anakin who enters.

"Master, I was told to come and find you."

I look at my barely touched cup of caf before sighing "What for Anakin?"

"I don't know, but the council wants to see you."

Oh no, not good.

"Alright, you go and make sure you eat your breakfast and I'll find you after."

"Yes Master," he says, happy his only order at hand is to go and stuff his face full of food and I ready myself to face the council.

It can't be a coincidence they are asking to see me the moment she arrives, surely it wouldn't be a warning against seeing her. I know they suspected me of having an attachment to her, well more than suspected, but I have not acted on it since that day. Just as with Satine, they knew my feelings but I gained their trust as I did my duty and to their knowledge did not act on them. A year of longing and one night with her before we parted and years more of loving her from afar.

Then came Rhea.

Qui-Gon had taunted me not long before we went to Naboo about 'kickstarting unlikely romances with the local nobility' and then again when we'd reached Coruscant after he'd caught us out onboard the Queen's ship but when he sensed a vergence in the force his taunting quickly seized and realised my lack of self control when it came to Rhea was different to what it had been with Satine. 

I had made peace with loving Satine from afar, knowing our duties took precedence over our feelings, and even now I struggle with the guilt of having loved another.

At the time the feelings I had for Rhea shocked me and left me senseless, the intensity of them was unlike anything else I've ever felt. A burning passion and need rather than quiet and gentle devotion. At first I wanted to believe what she did, that I was seeing Satine in her, two remarkable and difficult women, even now I've tried to tell myself that is all it was.

But that would be a lie.

Every moment with her is engrained in my mind, fighting together and then each other and then together again. Satine and I, it always felt as if we were from completely different worlds, polar opposites with a shared understanding of what our duty was.

Rhea destroyed everything I believed in, from love to the force itself, laying there together under the stars and then watching the sun rise I found an understanding with her I'd never had before.

I felt as if I'd met my match with her, and since then it feels as if I've been missing a part of me. For just a moment that night together we were one in a way I never knew could be possible, as if for the first time I was truly feeling the entirety of the force through her, with her.

And there's been an ache left in its place ever since.

~

When I arrive at the council chambers, my suspicions are indeed confirmed.

"You asked to see me masters?"

"Rhea Amidala has arrived here and is due to face the senate later this afternoon," Master Windu begins and it's all I can do not to let myself reveal anything her name evokes, and especially not the fact I was already aware of this. "We hold concerns that there may be unrest due to the nature of her visit, we ask that you go to the senate and keep an eye on things."

The request certainly catches me off guard. "Are you asking me to follow her?"

"We are asking you to watch the proceedings and report to us what your intuition tells you," Master Windu elaborates and I notice how Master Billaba's eyes fall as he says "You had a close and deep understanding of Rhea Amidala and we must know if there is a risk of a plot against the Chancellor due to the serious nature of her allegations towards him."

"My intuition tells me these accusations are not false," I tell them, having been there when she saw he'd become Chancellor. I've always distrusted politicians and from the start of this scandalous investigation I'd always supported Rhea's accusations, having even debated at several times sending her a letter of support but deeming it a poor idea. "It is her duty to investigate the invasion and her investigation has clearly led her to suspect his involvement."

"Regardless, tensions are high and we need someone to be there and if needed to de-escalate the situation," Windu says and I realise the true concern behind it and the own accusation in his voice.

"You believe she is a threat?" I gape and look at her former master.

"Possibly, as much as we believe that there could be a threat to her," she answers, not liking this situation as much as I do. "If anything were to occur it was my suggestion you be the one to intervene as she holds you in her highest respects, certainly more than any member of the council."

I stand there uncomfortable at the insinuation and Master Windu says "Unless absolutely necessary we recommend you to not speak with her."

And that defiance creeps back into me as I ask "And why would that be?"

"Know well you do why," Yoda remarks, and I keep my mouth shut. "Report back to us you will."

"Yes Master," I say and leave knowing that for the first time since she kissed me goodbye I'm going to set eyes on her.

The council has given me this assignment not just because I know her, but as a test that I will not let the attachment they sensed interfere with my orders.

And I know that this is a test I may not pass.

~

Rhea

In the grand scheme of things, this is a terrible terrible idea that took a flask of whatever I had left in my ship to get me here and yet here I am standing outside the Jedi Temple.

The last time I ever saw him was as I kissed him goodbye and tore myself away before I could put either of us in anymore pain than we already were and here I am against every better judgement I have.

But I need him to tell me this is the right thing, that if the order won't take me back I should not think twice about accepting Dooku's offer no matter how treasonous the council may deem it.

With my hood drawn well over my head I climb the stairs, aiming to remain unrecognised. People from outside the order visit often to access the archives, scholars, historians, scientists even, so nobody questions me as I walk through the great hall.

The man who trained Qui-Gon is asking me to be his apprentice, and the only person I can trust with this is here in this temple. I need guidance, and there is no one else who can give it.

Hell I just need him.

Except first I have to actually find him and so I approach a young unexpecting padawan, a Togruta girl of about seven no doubt on her way to lessons.

"Hello," I smile. "Have you seen Obi-Wan Kenobi?" She doesn't recognise the name and I ask "Or Anakin Skywalker?" She nods and points to one of the doors leading out into the gardens. "Thank you."

Quickly I move on before anyone looks too closely and walk out into the gardens, it's early enough in the morning many are doing morning meditations or other lessons inside and cautiously I make my way around, staying close to the temple.

I hide behind a corner at the sound of saber training nearby.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sound of his voice after all this time.

"Do not focus on predicting and let yourself feel," I hear Obi-Wan advising Anakin and my heart stops in my chest, and suddenly I'm shaking. "The moment you let go of the worries in your mind and feel the force flow through you it will come easier."

"Master, we've been doing this for an hour," Anakin complains. "Can we do something else?"

"No," Obi-Wan sighs in frustration and I smile to myself. "Tomorrow we will, but for today this is your training."

"Is this what Master Qui-Gon did with you?" Anakin asks being smart and the offence is clear in Obi-Wan's voice.

"I did whatever my master told me to do," Obi-Wan answers, and I can't bring myself to look, just listening to him is agony enough. "And he would be telling you to do the same."

But then the boys voice quietens "Sometimes I miss Master Qui-Gon."

It's then I dare to peek and see Obi-Wan with his back to me, putting a hand on Anakin's shoulder. His figure is unmistakeable although his hair is longer, showing an auburn colour I'd never noticed when it was so short. 

"So do I Anakin, but we must not get upset."

"Why not?" he asks him, becoming defensive. "I remember you were upset when we left Naboo after the funeral."

My stomach sinks at those words and Obi-Wan struggles for an answer "Well... you have a good memory Anakin."

"I miss Padme too," he tells Obi-Wan almost defiantly, the kid still in love with my sister. "I see her on the holonews sometimes when we're in the city and I just want to watch her, to know that she's okay."

"Well Anakin," Obi-Wan sighs and he sits down beside his apprentice, their backs still to me and I'm glad because I think if I saw his face I'd break down. "It is okay to miss people, and to wonder if they're happy and safe, but we must not dwell on those thoughts."

Anakin looks at him and asks "Do you miss her sister?"

The panic in Obi-Wan's voice answers every question I've had "Why would you ask that?"

"Because I remember how happy you were when you said she'd be coming home with us, and then she didn't," he says and asks "Do you watch her on the holonews too to see if she's happy?"

I'm frozen in place, suddenly questioning what moment of madness led me to sneak into the temple and put myself here and his answer only makes it worse.

"I do, and like you miss Padme I miss Rhea but their place is on Naboo and ours is here. While we miss them we must not let ourselves remain attached," he councils, sounding every bit the perfect Jedi. "When you wonder how she is you must tell yourself she is happy, even if you are not with her, even if you miss her, know that she is happy. You see Padme on the holonews, she is doing her duty to her people just as we must do ours to the order."

"But do you ever wish you'd chosen differently?" he asks and confides in Obi-Wan. "Sometimes I wish I was still with my mom, sometimes I... sometimes I think of leaving."

I swear I can feel Obi-Wan's heart stop at those words and his voice is uneven "Anakin... I understand what it is to want to leave."

"You do?" Anakin exclaims, no doubt shocked his perfect master isn't so perfect by Jedi standards.

"Yes," he sighs and I can feel it now through the force, the pain, the regret. "I know what it is to have regrets, but I have seen both sides of it, have longed to leave and yet seen what has happened to those who did, such as Padme's sister and have felt the regrets she had."

Regrets that I was too stubborn to admit to him, but he knew.

"Why didn't she come back then?" Anakin asks as if it was that simple.

"Because the council would not allow it," he tells Anakin sadly. "But I trust that she has continued her training now she has been allowed to keep her saber, I hope that she has and that she is at peace with the force." His next words are all I need to hear "I only wish I could have had enough time to help her find that path, but I trust that she's no doubt found it herself."

With those words I force myself to move back towards the temple, abandoning whatever horribly thought out plan I had to meet him and tell him I need his counsel, that he's the only one I trust to help me with a decision as great as this. I need to do this myself. He has done his part, he has devoted himself to duty and I cannot be selfish enough to screw that up for him because I'm panicking, because I can't stop missing him.

Because I love him.

I need to make this decision myself, I can't throw myself back into his life no matter how badly I just want to hear him tell me I'm doing the right thing, that Qui-Gon would have told me to accept this. He hopes I've found the path that finally I've rediscovered and I know I may never get another chance to walk it.

Even yet as I run from the temple I know deep down that isn't the reason I brought myself here, no it was far more selfish. That it was not just his counsel I truly wanted but to hear that he's missed me as badly as I've missed him and that he too realised too late that we were in love.

I can't do that to him, I can't tear him from his duty when Anakin himself is having doubts. He couldn't bring me back, but he can do right by Anakin, and that is more important than what we feel.

Despite the pain he's made peace with the impossibility of us, and now I must as well.

I have to.

~

Obi-Wan

The halls of the senate building are busy, no one looks at me twice as I make my way through, wanting to be close enough to keep an eye on her in case there is indeed a threat to her. She is one of the most controversial figures in the galaxy with this investigation and the claims Palpatine was behind the invasion.

It only stands to reason someone would seek to silence her and if she isn't armed it could end badly. But something tells me if someone attacked her while she was armed it would end far worse for them and that by all probability she is most certainly going to be illegally armed.

Which is why I'm worried, and I'm finally beginning to understand why the council sent me here.

"Master Kenobi," a voice says and I look to see Bail Organa, an ally of Naboo's and a senator I've become half acquainted with, one of the few politicians I don't mind. "It is a surprise to see a Jedi in the senate."

"Yes well I am on assignment," I say and ask "Would you be able to point me towards the seat for Naboo?"

He quickly realises I am here out of safety concerns "Yes, I certainly can. Two floors above us Lady Amidala should be preparing for the senate to convene."

"Thank you senator."

I move to the lift and find myself anxious as I ascend to the floor, cautiously I step out of the elevator intending to stay hidden, and I'm caught unaware when suddenly a woman marches out from the other lift clad in robes of red, commanding attention and burning with an intensity only my Rhea can.

"My lady I must advise you to simply accept that the investigation will not reach the conclusion you would like," Naboo's senator advises her and it's clear she has received bad news.

"My investigation reached the conclusion that is the truth," she argues with him and the sound of her voice after so long kills me. "I am sorry you and the senate do not like the truth but you'll just have to get over it."

And there she is, as fierce as ever. Dressed in elaborate Naboo royal fashion, indicative of the new status she has forged for herself since the invasion, looking more like Queen Amidala than the girl I found wandering the streets of Theed dressed for combat. 

"Still, take your dignity with you and leave with grace."

"That has never worked in my favour," she tells him and I know that is what she did in leaving me, taking her dignity and grace with her. But now I wonder if she truly felt as composed as she tried to convince me of. By the bitterness in her words I now know the truth. "What is dignity and grace compared to the insufferable weight and regret of having not spoken the truth?"

There is an ache in her that confirms what I suspect her great regret is and I wonder now if she was as utterly distraught as I was, if she wanted to ask the same question I waited for.

If she wanted to ask me to leave with her.

And perhaps it is a mercy she left with grace instead of asking me to leave with her because I know what my heart would have answered even if my mind was torn between the thought of being with her and my duty to Anakin.

Perhaps she knew too, and that is why she never asked it of me.

"Your truth you mean."

With those words she turns back to look at him and finally I see her face, structured and adorned with makeup similar to her sisters but not as heavy, letting the golden hues of her skin shine through and even now she burns as brightly as ever. Her hair no longer in a long braid down her back as I remember it always being but in a crown around her head, a red line down her lips with red dots on her cheeks. It's only now I'm seeing her as nobility, royalty, and not just as a Jedi.

"You are here to advise me through the senatorial proceedings, not to question the results of a years long investigation," she scolds and I suddenly find myself shrinking back to where I am certainly unseen. She is indeed as hot tempered as I remember, and I certainly remember what it's like to be in the firing line of an ideological argument with her. "These are your last weeks in office, do use them to speak the truth instead of shirking from it or concealing it as your predecessor did."

I'm as proud as I am afraid of her, and maker knows I want to kiss her as much as I want to hide, but know I cannot compromise her composure in such an important moment. As if that's the only reason I shouldn't be thinking the thoughts I am.

"Or will you remove me from my position as you had my son removed?" he asks her and she looks strangely satisfied and it makes sense when he says "You struck him and broke his hand!"

"And he'll remember that next time he wishes to patronise a woman and lay hand on her," she says proudly. "And really Horace? You're trying to find your arrogant prick of a son a wife and you make the mistake of sending him my way?"

Well I suppose that answers my question of if she's found anyone else, it shouldn't surprise me she's purposefully scaring off anyone that looks at her in a way she doesn't like.

"A mistake indeed," he says and I watch as she happily marches off, her dress flowing behind her as she enters the senate chamber and I hear him sigh "God help the next senator."

I find myself in agreement there and move to the viewing gallery to keep an eye on proceedings from above since I cannot get a clear view anywhere else.

But from the moment proceedings start, it's clear she isn't going to get the justice she seeks.

"The senate has a split vote on the motion to consider the findings of the investigation," the moderator says and I watch her shake her head. "It will be referred to the Chancellor for the final vote."

But she speaks up and asks "How can the Chancellor be the deciding vote on an investigation on which he is the subject?" There are murmurs from around the room and I watch in concern as she continues. "How is that democratic? That the man at the centre of an investigation can decide to dismiss it!"

There are calls for order and the chancellor finally speaks.

"It should be known to the senate that Lady Amidala is a troubled woman," Palpatine begins and I watch her eyes burn. "She was expelled from the Jedi Order at the mere age of fourteen for the crime of murder."

With those words her reputation should be destroyed but I watch her fake horror at those words, as if she had been prepared for them "That is a very serious allegation to make Chancellor and one that truly wounds me. I am just a young woman trying to help my people and you accuse me of being a cold blooded murderer?" 

She even manages to inflict pain in her voice and one thing is for certain, she's become self aware of the power she can have when she dresses a certain way and abuses the fact she is a beautiful young woman, feigning innocence better than she could otherwise. I know that killing the slave owner wasn't an act of cold blooded murder, but she is far from innocent and she's never pretended otherwise. At least not to me but this is the senate after all.

"I only speak the truth," the Chancellor says but the senate has taken pity on her and he knows it. "I advise you to do the same."

She puts a hand on her chest as she says "I was expelled for the crime of having too much love in my heart to adhere to their code." I stand there surprised at the show she puts on. "For loving my family who were imprisoned during the invasion, for loving my dear sister the Queen who was put in an impossible position to save our people when the senate decided to deliberate on the matter of a would be genocide!"

Is this the public image she's curated? Behind closed doors she is very much still herself but in public she is every bit graceful and generous as her sister, although with far less restraint, I've seen glimpses of it in footage of her public appearances but never like this. Never caring what anyone thought of her.

"Innocent people were tortured and killed on the Trade Federations orders whilst you ran your campaign for office! So please Chancellor, stand here now and address the atrocity that occurred instead of fueling such cruel rumour and do your duty to our people who have suffered tremendously in condemning the Trade Federation and admitting your part in it."

She has learned from being in the public eye long enough now that an angry woman does not have the same affect as an angry man, and so she appeals to their hearts instead of arguing how she no doubt wishes she could. Palpatine wants to paint her as a troubled and hysterical woman to stir doubt, and she has foiled his plan brilliantly. She has always been brilliant I've just never seen her use her mind to fool an entire senate. 

She might have the politicians of Naboo terrified but she has certainly learned from Padme how to forge herself in the public eye, even if the person she is playing is a disguise in itself. Dressed royally, playing the part of the Princess of Theed, a beautiful and tragic woman who just wants to help her people. Not a warrior who wants justice and would single handedly berate every last person who stands against her if given the opportunity.

"Very well," the Chancellor says and I can feel the displeasure in his voice at having someone out-manipulate the senate. "As Chancellor I have read the findings of your investigation, and have found many of your accusations to be utterly baseless conspiracy therefore I will not pass the motion. I will accept that the Trade Federation made an error, but there is simply no further action to be taken and I have dismissed this investigation as we have far more important matters to deliberate on."

"An error?" she repeats, her facade slipping. "How is invasion and mass imprisonment of innocent men, women and children a mere error? How is the torture of the Queen's staff for information an error?" It's then she addresses the senate and I realise what she's doing, she knows the investigation will be dismissed, but she wants to stir as much discourse amongst the senators as she can. "Children were being grouped into camps by battle droids and the senate responds with mild sanctions that have already lost their effect. I demand true consequence for the Trade Federation!"  She raises a copy of the report high for them all to see "In this report is all the evidence needed to substantiate the claims that have been made, it would be a miscarriage of justice for the Chancellor to not pass the motion to have them seen and considered by the senate!"

It's as voices begin to raise alongside others in the senate I realise just why I was sent here and have a hand over my saber. It's then her facade of the noble and calm tempered Princess is utterly shattered and there is the Rhea I know.

"And yet the Chancellor who claims to have had no part in this defends them and refuses to even have the evidence in these findings publically heard!" She looks at the Chancellor as the senate goes into an uproar and I can see it in her eyes, a victory. "This is a disgrace to democracy, how can a man dismiss an investigation in which he has been found liable! I dare say this is a representation of the fragile state of what the Republic's democracy has become and the Chancellor should be dismissed from office!"

My eyes widen at that statement, she's always been an idealist ideologically but to stand before the senate and claim the republic has failed democratically... I can finally see the sheer anger in her she's fought to conceal. She's always been an extremist in her beliefs regarding the order, I just didn't know the extended to the Republic as a whole.

"Order!" the moderator orders as the senate erupts into what can at best be called heated debate and at worst a riot and there is almost a smile on her face as she becomes an agent of true chaos. "The Lady Amidala is dismissed from the senate chamber!"

The senator for Naboo is absolutely horrified as she returns their pod to the dock and marches out of the senate, it's then without a second thought I begin pushing through the viewing gallery to get to the levels below to catch her before she disappears. There is not a thought in my head, only the need to see her but by the time I make it to the level she was on she isn't there and the senate is still in chaos. I'm running out the side door of the senate building and find an equally chaotic crowd at its doors, having been watching the broadcast.

The senate may be cursing her, but the crowd- the crowd is the one screaming prophanities at the senate. She knew what she was doing, and it worked.

I'm searching the crowd and my eyes find the hanger outside the senate chambers where security guards are holding the crowd back, and I'm pushing through when I spot her red figure heading for her ship under the escort of armed Naboo security guards.

"Rhea!" I call out from in the crowd and she looks back but her eyes fail to find mine before she is pulled on board the ship and the ramp raises.

And again I stand there in defeat as I watch her leave.

No less painful than the last. 

And somehow I feel in that moment as if I've failed her.

~

Rhea

Perhaps hearing his voice was an omen, but it did little to stop me as I made my way to Serenno, having seen the senate in its worst form. I played the part of the noble princess, appealing for their sympathies when I knew my anger would be used against me. 

If there is a victory in this it's that Palpatine could not humiliate me.

Dooku is in his office waiting for me, my decision having been made the moment Palpatine tried to ruin me. Obi-Wan said himself he hopes I've found my path as a Jedi, this is the right choice.

It has to be.

"Your show was most impressive," Dooku tells me. "I believe you have more than demonstrated your potential to play a key role in what is to come."

"What is to come?" I repeat, but somehow I already knew.

"All will come to be revealed in time," he assures me. "I trust you've made your decision."

"I have," I declare, and yet couldn't deny the sinking feeling in my stomach. "Master."

[sugarcookiesandsins]

Charmed [Episode 4]

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It had been a week since your injury at the warehouse. Thankfully, the bullet had only grazed your arm, taking away the layers of skin to reveal the fat layers underneath. The long-sleeved shirt that you wore would be forever ruined so you were forced to retire it, cutting it into strips to serve as bandages while you took shelter in your house.

There was no doubt in your mind that Jungkook had recognized your presence, but thankfully it didn’t seem like he had discovered the tracker, either mistaking it for a missed bullet or forgetting about it in the ruckus that followed. Still, it was odd.

Saying he was talented would be the understatement of the century. It had been dark and murky under the roof of the warehouse, that combined with the small opening between crates he would have to shoot through, it was a miracle you were hit at all.

The familiar beep beep of the microwave echoed through your house. Collecting the warm cup, you took a sip of revitalizing caffeine as you made your way back to your couch, eyes retracing the colored lines overlaid on a map of the city, each color a different day. Your alabaster skin suffering from the lack of sunlight. But you didn’t mind the drawn curtains and closed blinds, anything was better than ending up an unidentifiable body on the bottom of Han River.

You made your way to your nest on the new couch. Settling yourself among the blankets, you winced as the still tender flesh of your arm brushed against the leather of the fabric. It had been a stressful week of hiding - you had stayed in your apartment, relying on your bulk purchases of food to keep you sustained as you relied on your tracker to keep tabs on BigHit’s truck.

Glancing at the shuttered windows, you winced at the sight of the blond wig, half covered by the opaque fabric. It had remained there for the last week, ever since you chucked it at the window in your anger. It would have worked as the perfect disguise.

A high-pitched beep sounded from your computer, and your eyes turned to the screen just as another dot marked a location on the map - the truck had made another stop. You had programmed that tracker to mark location whenever the truck stopped for more than 3 minutes, longer than what it would take at a red light but still sensitive enough to pick up a small unloading and loading pause. It was a pain to wait before you went forward with the plan, but the mafia were smart. You didn’t know if they had approached the house or not yet. They could be waiting, or they could have used some corrupted form of psychology on you to fool you.

It was crucial that you got the location right the first time, as a failed attempt would put them even more on edge than they already were. You were sure that security would already be tighter due to your failure at going unnoticed, making the job even harder. Throwing your head back you let out a groan, one that was lost to time forever in the dusty gloom of your living room.

You let another week pass, stewing in the annoyance of being immobile and injured. Still, your impatience got the best of you and you wasted not time in rushing out the door as Eli.

He stayed mostly to roads he had never been on before, too paranoid that another underground worker would see him and give away his position. On hand, a phone with the list of all the addresses the truck visited, which was actually surprisingly short, organized from most visits to the least.

You had tried to narrow down your search using satellite imagery of the locations, but they were all clean. And yes, as cheesy as it was, there is some truth to the idea that suspicion increases when a place is too clean. Still, with no other option before you, here you were; possibly one of the greatest contract killers in the world, reduced to acting like a common thief who peeks through windows. Yes, some may argue that Eli was a common thief, but you firmly believe otherwise. What he did wasn’t thievery, it was art.

How many times had you trained to make your form disappear in a crowd, to make your fingers ghost-like in the efficiency with which they relieved pockets of valuables. You had done far too much to allow your work to be called anything less than a masterpiece.

The first house had been an epic flop in terms of anything interesting. The was simply a storefront for a pawn shop, most probably hiding another underground store but now that wasn’t your primary concern. It had taken you some time, but you had finally found it. Inconspicuous in the greatest fashion; why be isolated when you could hide in plain sight … in the penthouse of a luxury high rise!

You rolled your eyes at the extravagant clothing of the people walking through the ceiling-high, glass double doors. You could never imagine living like that every day; it would be stressful on your neck and head. All you needed was one accessory and your wardrobe was set. Without it you felt naked to the world, as if your entire identity was woven into the intricate metalwork.

The uniformed doorman sneaked another glance at your way, letting you know that it was time to do something, otherwise he was going to call security on your blonde ass. Instead of hightailing it out of there, you confidently walked to the front door and under the golden trimmed entrance, passing the doorman a slight nod. He silently glared back at you, too dependent on his meager wages to vocalize any complaint.

Passing the front desk, you smiled and nodded, playing the perfect part of a rich, but eccentric homeowner. Much like the cashier who worked at minimum wage, you were barely cast a glance. The clock that controlled time ticked away in the corner of the hall, much more interesting than any hooligan that may have infected the marble floors.

Making your way to the steel elevators, you stepped in the next available one and rode it all the way to the top. There was no one in the house, you knew that for certain; it was an entertaining sight to see the boys strut into their limo earlier, an hour or so before the doorman saw you for the first time. And since you began your surveillance, they hadn’t returned.

For how high-profile they were, the door itself was a very basic keypad lock, one that was clean enough to make the smudging more visible to the naked eye. In the corner of your eye, you saw the security camera trained on your face, or rather, Eli’s. He was a cheeky bastard and couldn’t help himself from waving at the person on the other side, who sat wide-eyed.

[KSJ]

It was a habit that had developed among us to randomly check the surveillance of our home while we were out. It wasn’t as vigilant as it sounds however with the time intervals ranging from 30 minutes to almost 2 hours but it was better than nothing.

I had reached a dead end with that ramen shop, though I did expect that. No thief was stupid enough to visit the same place twice, expecially when you had been tagged there. Still, no one had any rumors about his whereabouts despite antics being at an all-time high.

So imagine my surprise and anger at finding waving at me through the screen of my phone as he entered my house. His smile was wide enough to show off his perfect teeth and his fashion was to the nines with a smart hat over his blonde head and a leather jacket and dark jeans; he looked in his element.

Through gritted teeth, I ordered the driver to turn around. A business deal was small compared with bringing in Eli to the boss. Rarely did I ever break the calm and composed position of power like my father taught me, but even he had his breaking points and this was mine.

Giggling at your actions, you smoothly unlocked the front door with an electronic masterkey. It was the greatest thing you ever created and ran an algorithm to find all possible number combinations. It then used a phantom copy of the keypad server to run the possibilities, basically giving you an unlimited amount of trials.

You walked into the room like you owned the place, which for the next few moments until the boys got back, it felt like you did. Everything in you was working overtime to keep you from messing something up; the whited sepulchre annoying you to your very limits. It was very surgical in its decoration, pale and empty. It was a home, but it didn’t feel lived in.

Is this what happens when you probably have maids that come every day? Sadly, you would never know.

Making your way past the entrance hall - seriously what was with that? a hall just to greet people? - you encroached upon their living room; a bleak continuation of the uneasy entrance hall. There were multiple cameras, and you were pretty sure of bugs too, but what did you care about? You wanted them to know that you were here. You wanted them to understand just what Eli was capable of, even if it was putting a gun to their head and pulling the trigger.

The familiar ding of the elevator made its way through the opened crack of the front door. They were here.

The boys entered through the front door, six keeping an eye out for the intruder while Jin tried to find his location through their security cameras.

They were beyond furious, mostly because they felt the pain of having underestimated you.

“Hello boys.”

They would never make the same mistake again.

Immediately, you faced down the barrel of 6 guns, all but certain they would pump you full of iron without second thought. Yet in the face of death, you didn’t waver. They weren’t going to kill you after all, and everyone in that room knew that.

You only smiled, continuing to speak to maintain the dominance you held of the situation.

“Put your guns down. You can’t kill me anyways.”

Jimin scowled. Since the moment Jin had revealed to the group about Eli’s presence in their home, he had seen red creep around the edges. He was the frontman when it came to the group’s security, so even though he was happy the motion sensors inlaid into the cameras worked in informing them of the intruder, he was mad that the subversive technology in the lock had not prevented the intruder from getting in.

“Yeah? What’s stopping me?” Just to prove his point, Jimin took a threatening step forward, steadying the aim in the center of Eli’s forehead. “What’s keeping me from putting a bullet between those pretty blue eyes of yours?”

“Well, your boss for one.” Eli only smiled after that, letting the implications form themselves. it didn’t matter what justification he offered; the main goal was for the boys to come to conclusion themselves. That way, they would believe it more. “Or perhaps, it’s my pretty blue eyes? Take your pick Jimin.” The said man glared at your form.

Eli made his way to the antique bar setting on the far side of the living room, blatantly appreciating the arrangement of hard liquor in glass decanters. The boys had lowered their guns, coming to their own responses as to why Eli couldn’t die.

“Now, how about we all have a drink, and I explain why I am here, and you explain what it is that your boss wants me to help you steal.” They were trained men, so there was no blatant change in expression as you revealed the extent to which you understood their motives, but you could see some clenched jaws, no doubt unhappy with the power balance.

Currently, it was tilted in your favor, so you took the initiative to pour everyone drinks, gin and tonics all around. You then took your previous seat, leaning back with comfortable ease. The other boys also took places around the living room. They may not be completely estranged from the idea of shooting you, but at least the guns were no longer facing you.

Namjoon took a long sip of the drink, letting the familiar taste burn his throat on the way down. He hated Eli at that moment; the sense of passiveness the man gave off. As if he didn’t care about anything, least of all whether one of his boys put a bullet through his skull.

“Now, don’t be so morose about it all! It was all in good fun. Just a little something to show that I am not one to be underestimated, no matter how laissez-faire I seemed.” Eli spoke these words over the rim of his glass, the material distorting the smile that shines around white teeth. It wasn’t a tender kind smile that you show a lover, it was a deranged kind of smile, one that Namjoon rarely saw from anyone. And it sent chills slithering up and down his spine. He knew that working with this man would not be ordinary. And Eli knew that from the way it shined through his pretty blue eyes, locked solely on him at that moment. And for the second time in his life, he did not feel in control.

“Now, since I’ve shown you my cards. I think it is only proper that you show me yours.” The silence was punctuated with the clink of the tumbler on the center table. None of the boys met your eyes, half still focused on their guns. The other half just thought….and thought some more. How to answer a man who probably knows everything?

“We doubt there is anything that we could tell you that you wouldn’t already know.” Yoongi kept his voice level, as he always did. There was nothing special he saw in the little pickpocket, just another immature personality trying to be a man. Everyone was bound to mess up as some point, he just had to be the observant one and wait for it.

“You’d be surprised Yoongi,” Eli mused, ignoring the reaction Bangtan had to the obvious lack of respect the boy had. “There is always something to learn about everything. When you think you know it all, that is when you recognize that you were playing the fool.” You chuckled, leaving the rest of that phrase up to them for interpretation, already seeing the wheels in Namjoon’s head turning.

“Let me ask again. Why are you chasing me through the streets of Seoul?” Eli wasn’t expecting a no for an answer. You did not want to reveal that you only had basic knowledge of what they wanted, and even those hypotheses were not proven fact. But you had enough to play a small con for information.

“Here. I’ll even help you out. Your boss wants me to help you steal something because he thinks you’re not good enough, which is where I-.”

“We are good enough!” The outburst was instinct, coming from the one member that could never take being second to anyone, not even to a metaphor.

“Jungkook.” It was quick and sharp; an order without even needing to say the words.

“Oh? So, I was right. Thank you for the information, Jungkook.”

The dark-haired man leapt to his feet, pulled his pistol out of the holster and let go a single bullet. But then again, you weren’t just any old thief. With the same speed and flow, you pushed back on the chair as you saw, tipping backwards you dropped the glass, the loud crash more than enough to completely obscure a silenced shot. When the back of the chair made contact with the floor, you wasted no time  rolling behind the kitchen counter, where you were safe from any more stray bullets that managed to head your way.

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad new Jungkook but you missed this time.” You heard a growl, but thankfully no heavy footsteps making their way to your hiding spot. Still, he was a killer. Walking silently was no issue for him. As such, you made your way to the other side, facing the counter and behind it, anyone who would be coming for you from the direction of the living room.

Small murmurs made their way to your ears, far too quiet to make out the placating reassurances that the boys were delivering. You didn’t try and stop them, the less angry Jungkook was, the less he was prone to try and kill you, again.

“I suggest you come back out Eli. So we can show you to your room.” You could tell from his voice that Namjoon was just tired with the whole situation. “After all, you are working with us. It would be apt that you stay with us for the time being.”

Peeking out from behind the counter, you raised a single eyebrow at the assembled group of men. 

“When did I ever agree to work with you? As far as I’m concerned you haven’t even told me what you wanted my help with.”

“You have no choice Mr.– '' Namjoon cut off, fully intending for you to fill in the blank but you refused. Something about watching him squirm in the awkward silence made you happy, figurately at least.

“I have no choice?” you simpered. “Now that’s just plain wrong.” You came out from behind the counter, fully assured by the strong hold that Jin, Hoseok, and Jimin had on Jungkook. It looked like he wasn’t about to shoot you anytime soon. 

“I make my own choices Namjoon. No group of pretty boys is going to stop me.” 

And that is the story of how you no —  how Eli  — came to live with the Bangtan Boys.

The room they escorted you to contained the very furniture that you had seen them select a couple weeks ago. Sharp lines, metallics, and sterile. Everything about your job summed up into one disgustingly perfect room.

The blinds were open to catch the last rays of sunset that glinted off the high-rises around you. With a slight scowl, you turned your head as one stray reflection made its way into your eye. “Nice place. Bit too much light for my eyes though,” you said as you turned to face them. Only five of the men from before had followed you. It seemed that Jungkook had decided to leave rather than kill you, and Jin had joined him to make sure he didn’t.

You waited for a response. A minute passed. Then another. And now even you were starting to feel the weight of the tension in the room. Here they really had you cornered. The five of them corralling you into a room with a singular window more than 50 feet above cold pavement.

Have you escaped from this kind of situation before? Yes but that was only possible due to a conveniently placed window-washer’s station and a metal straw; neither of which you had available at the moment.      

“Good night Eli.” Namjoon’s voice betrayed the loosening reins he had on the other boys. Jimin, who had a soft spot for Jungkook, seemed to have no problem in gripping the beretta he had in a shoulder holster in warning.

Not that you ever listened to what pretty boys ever told you.

The next morning you woke up at your usual time, waved at the camera disguised on the black surface of the flower vase and began your morning routine. Thankfully over the years you had perfected the art of wigs and the blonde mane had stayed on through the night. Grabbing your clothes and more hair products you made your way to the bathroom. Changing into something more comfortable, you put on your running shoes and made your way to the front door.

Stretching out your back, you felt it pop and released a sigh before you crashed into someone. Taking a few steps back, you looked up into the face of the one and only Jung Hoseok. It was odd to see the man out of his suit and into what looked like workout gear.

It would be illegal for them to not be working out looking the way they did, but seeing it physically was something completely different. Not many were crazy enough to have a 6 am morning workout routine.

“Seems you’ll be joining us of your own accord.” Hearing the familiar drawl, you turn to see the rest of the boys in various states of putting their shoes on in the living room. So all of them did this every morning. Interesting.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but you can’t watch me run today. I have my own routes and my own errands, so I’ll see you back for breakfast.” As you were finishing your sentence you darted for the entrance, so quick that Hoseok could only graze your arm with his fingertips.

Behind you, you heard the sound of footsteps as one of the boys, most likely Hoseok, gave chase to you. You pumped your eyes faster as you darted in the direction of the stairs. The elevators were a sure way to get caught if there was not one available immediately, but at least on the stairs you could use your skills to descend faster.  Slamming open the door to the stairwell, you leaped over the banister without second thought and angled your body towards the railing on the opposite sides a floor down. It wasn’t much of a head start, but with Hoseok you thought you could manage.

Using your palms, you latched onto the cold metal and pulled yourself over it. Not wasting a moment in continuing your journey down the stairs. Behind you, the slap of hands on metal scared you more than you would ever admit. The sound meant that whoever was giving you chase was not Hoseok. It meant that your pursuer would not look lightly upon you if they caught you.

Willing your motivation into your limbs, you pushed forward, taking the steps two at a time and trying to find another opening for you to jump down another floor. It wasn’t that there weren’t opportunities; no there were plenty of those. The issue came with commitment.

With a drop of over 50 feet below you, there was no room for error. You had to be sure you were making the jump long before you actually shifted the weight. From what you had guessed, the person seemed to have some strength and training, making the possibility for error even less. A trained person would see the shift in weight and the element of surprise was the most important thing you could have.

“I could do this all day Eli.” The dark voice from behind you almost made you jump in fear. It was Jungkook and he sounded like he would enjoy nothing more than to just exact all the anger he had towards you in a single moment. A lot could be done to a person without killing, and nothing that BigHit had said prohibited you from being a little banged up by the time you reached their front door.

Seeing an upcoming opening, you counted down the seconds until you jumped. About a meter away from the gap, you leaped for the gap. From behind you, you heard another growl as Jungkook came after you. At the last minute, you reached out your hand and grabbed the pole and used the centrifugal force to pull yourself back onto the stairs. Jungkook was so focused on the jump as he didn’t have the planning that you did, that you were able to catch your breath as he really dropped himself down two floors.

The look on his face was the most amusing; that wide eyes expression that really betrayed more anger at himself or not seeing this coming rather than at you for getting away.

Between heaved breaths, you couldn’t help but rub it in a bit more. “Eli 2 and Jungkook 0,” you smirked out. “Don’t look now but you’re in second Jeon.” And with that you knew the moment was over, and so did he. A trained fighter’s first lesson wasn’t on fighting at all; it was about holding back.

[JJK]

Looking at the messy blonde head a couple of floors above me, I wanted nothing more than to wring his neck. His lips were parted in mirth at my state of loss and the audacity of him to further rub salt into the wound as he relaxed on his throne above me.

Nothing was stopping me from running back up the flights and going after your snark attitude with his fists, but that was beneath him. That would be revenge and revenge was not looked upon kindly. Revenge is mindless while fighting is mindful.

Catching my own breath, because Eli was faster than he seemed, I glared in his direction and slowly began my trek back up the stairs to rejoin the boys. He would get away, this time. From across the round staircase Eli kept his eyes on me as he circled down and I circled up, until we met face too face on the 19th floor landing.

He gave me a small nod, lips slightly parted as he continued to restock his oxygen supply as he continued past me. I didn’t try to contest my loss.

I regret my training.

It wasn’t a hard task keeping your identity secret. You had already prepared for this eventuality and had stocked both you backpack and the back room of the noodle shop with extra supplies. This way, you could keep the location of your apartment a secret, just in case you needed to catch a break for any reason. Who knows when you would need a hideaway from BigHit.

In the meantime, you kept to places the boys knew about, like the noodle shop. So the ones that followed you had nothing to report back to Namjoon who had grew more frustrated as time passed, with no new information about you. In the house, you kept to yourself, only speaking about the mission.

“Why don’t you come join me! Taehyung! Jimin! Over here!” Your voice reverberated around the noodle shop, giving you a sense of deja vu as the rest of the patron turned to the entryway. Sending a quick wink at the matron of the store, she shook her head and nodded in response as she asked for another two bowls of noodles.

Recently, you had become close to her, creating some semblance of friendship between the two of you, built around her new-found popularity and you character. She would never tell you this, but you became one of her heart’s adopted children. In you she saw someone who was forced to grow up too fast, for what reason she understood that she would never know, but it was there.

“You’re playing with fire here child.” She leaned in as if she was taking your order.

In response, you lifted the menu, momentarily covering both your faces with the red book. “Well good thing I’ve stocked up on repellent, Umma.”

Pulling the menu back down, you motioned them over, giving them no chance to turn tail and run. They would now have to suffer through lunch with your infuriating face with those big wide eyes.

“It’s not good to tail someone on an empty stomach, so you should eat up. After this, I’ve got to take you on a wild goose chase around the park.”

[avengerscompound]

She Sets the City on Fire - Bound and Safe

She Sets the City on Fire: A Bruce Banner Fanfic

MASTERLIST PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Square: none for this chapter

Rating:  E

Warning:  Age Gap, smut (MF, d/s, sub!Bruce Banner, kinbaku bondage, pegging, aftercare)

Word Count:  1886

Pairing:  Bruce Banner x OFC (Summer)

Summary:  Bruce is drawn to Summer.  She’s everything he wished he could be.  Carefree, exciting, and she knows exactly who she is.  There are so many reasons a relationship with her wouldn’t work.  So why can’t he stop thinking about her?

A/N: On the first chapter

11. Bound and Safe

Bruce flexed his hands and took a deep breath. The ropes that bound him tensed on his chest and arms and then relaxed as he did.  Summer had been like a breath of fresh air.  One that had breathed new life into him.  Where once the thought of even sex was too much for him to handle because of the hulk now he felt comfortable doing just about anything she suggested.

However, this was his suggestion.  Since she’d used the ribbons to tie his hands behind his back, he’d been thinking about how much he’d enjoyed it.  And that thought had turned to daydreams which had turned to talk.  Summer had such a long list of things she’d wanted to do with the person she loved and now he wanted them too.  It wasn’t some self-imposed pressure to keep up with her.  Quite the opposite really - her lack of pressure made him relax and allowed him to get here now - bound in intricate knotwork and watching Summer slick glittery lube on a thin dildo she had fitted into a harness she was wearing.

He was surprised by how safe he felt.  He’d always assumed that being tied up would make him feel caged and when he felt caged the Hulk came out. It wasn’t even a question of maybe.  It was an immediate trigger.  With the beautiful knotwork on the hemp rope that bound him, he felt secure and safe.  The kind of effect he got when using a weighted blanket.

Not that it had been quick to get to this point.  For weeks and weeks, he and Summer had built up to it.  She was… well perfect.  She had always been perfect when she was with him.  Each step they took was small and they tried various options.  He’d discovered hand-cuffs were a hard no.  As were anything with a chain. The leather of fabric cuffs depended on what they looked like on.  It wasn’t just the bondage either.  He’d wanted to try anal play too and she’d bought him a training kit and with time and patience she’d been stretching him out and god he’d loved it.  She was careful not to hurt him and she backed off anytime he showed discomfort.  If he ever safeworded or even used the warning signal that he wasn’t quite comfortable she back right off and made sure he was fine.  There was no one else on the planet that he could have done this with.  There was no one that tamed the beast inside him quite like Summer. No one that stoked his desire.  He had no idea what he’d done to deserve her or what had made him recognize that in her right away, but he was glad for the first time in his life he’d taken the risk and jumped.

“You look so hot,” Summer purred as she ghosted her fingers up his cock.  He was already rock hard and fairly certain that this whole event would be over in less time it had taken to prepare him.  But the preparation had been half the fun.  She was gentle and tender with her hands and her lips were playful.  She set him at ease and on edge at the same time, and looking at her now, half-naked and kneeling between his legs that were bound in such a way that he couldn’t close them making sure his hips were tilted up so his ass was presented to her, she looked like some kind of nymph.

“You look beautiful,” he said, his voice coming out in a needy rasp.

She checked the bindings again, her hands caressing his skin and making it prickle. 

“Are you ready, Brucie?”  She asked.  “Feel safe?”

“I feel so good, Summer,” he groaned.  “Please.”

“You remember the safe words?”  She asked.

“Yes, traffic lights.  I’ve got it,” he practically mewled.  “Please, Summer.  Please give it to me.”

She pressed the head of the toy against his asshole and leaned over him a little, gripping the ropes that crossed his chest.  “It’s a little bigger than you’re used to.  If you don’t like it we can go smaller.”

“Please, Summer,” he pleaded.  “Please.”

She bit her bottom lip, it was sexy and mischievous all at once and if he wasn’t held down he’d have pulled her into a kiss and coaxed that lip into his own mouth.  All he could do was buck up in his binds, the rope jerking against him.

She pushed him down and eased forward.  The tip of the toy pushed in.  His ring muscle seemed to resist and then gave suddenly so it slipped in further than what Summer appeared to have intended as she pulled back quickly.  He moaned and whimpered yanking against the ropes holding him in place trying to get her back.

“Shhh… That's it, Bruce.  Relax and behave for me,” Summer soothed.  “I'll give you everything you want.”

She eased forward again, the way his ass stretched to accommodate the toy burned at the edges, and the deeper the toy got the hotter the burn. He tensed and she paused letting him adjust.  She caressed his cheek and looked down at him with those clear blue eyes, watching his expression.  As he began to relax she began to thrust.

Each thrust of her hips went deeper and deeper and she moved faster and harder until she was pounding into his ass.  The curve of the toy was perfectly set so that it pressed on his prostate with each thrust.  There was some pain, but mostly it was just good.  A current ran through him.  It made his balls tighten and his cock jump and leak precum.  The current traveled up his spine and made his back arch and his body strain against the ropes.  It spread out over his skin, making his scalp prickle and he started to feel all fuzzy on the edges.

He stayed tethered to Summer but the touch of her hands.  She held him firmly at the chest with one hand, while the other caressed him.  It grounded him, kept him here with her.  She leaned down and kissed him deeply as she thrust into him again and again.  Her tiny frame using so much force, it pushed him up the mattress with each thrust.

He moaned deeply into her lips.  His cock throbbed and leaked, leaving a sticky pool that clung to his skin and made the hairs on his stomach stick together.  Her stomach pressed against him, rolling and undulating, massaging his shaft until all he could do was clench his muscles and hope he could hold on.

“Fuck!”  Bruce gasped, breaking the kiss and bucking hard under her.  The ropes bit into his skin and his cock jumped.  “I’m gonna come, Summer.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked down at him with intense focus as she continued to thrust.  “Come then, Bruce Banner.  Whenever you’re ready.”  Her thin fingers wrapped around his shaft and he began to jerk him off at the same quick pace as she set with her hips.

He cried out and arched his back.  There was a tightening in his balls but that same feeling of hot pleasure that pressed down on him seemed to start higher and hit him everywhere all at once.  His body jerked and his muscles clenched and he came with a roar.

Summer hummed and stroked him through it as he came in copious amounts on his stomach.  Thick ribbons of it even reaching his chest.  “Holy shit,” she cooed. “That was amazing, Bruce.  Look at you.”

He couldn’t even form words, he just collapsed on the bed breathing heavily in his blissed-out post-orgasmic state.  Summer eased the toy out of his ass and began to unfasten the ropes.

Her hands moved so tenderly and with such care, if it was possible to fall deeper in love with her, he did right then and there.  She unfastened the bindings and moved then away and then carefully cleaned him up with a warm washcloth and packet of wipes.  When she was done she took off the harness and began to rub lotion into his skin, focusing on the points where the rope had rubbed.  She had him roll over and rubbed his shoulders and back, easing out the tension he was holding on to thanks to the position he had been holding for so long.  He moaned softly and she leaned down and kissed his cheeks.  “I love the sounds you make when you let go,” she whispered.  “Did you enjoy it?”

“Mm-hmm…” he hummed, reaching behind him and caressing her jaw.

She moved back and he rolled over, pulling her down into his arms.  She broke down into giggles as his body engulfed hers in the embrace.  “Do you know how much I love you, Summer?”  He asked, nuzzling into her neck.

“Mmm… I think so.  You show me every day we’re together,” she said, as she curled her fingers into his hair.  “I never thought we’d really get anywhere you and I.  I’ve liked you from the first day, but I always got this feeling like I was dragging you along on some ride and one day you’d lose your grip or let go and I’d be alone again.  But now you’re even leading the way.  I worry you’re changing yourself for me though.”

Bruce shook his head and pulled back looking into her eyes.  “I’ve changed because of you.  Not for you,” he said simply.  “For so long now - even before the Hulk had his physical form - I just lived in fear.  I was scared of my father.  I was scared of the kids at school.  I was scared of my boss.  Then I was scared of what the Hulk could do.  It stopped me from being able to ask for what I wanted or needed.   I was scared to even try those things.  But you’re so different, Summer.  Everything I couldn’t be and yet I’ve never felt pressure from you.  I feel safe to be whoever I want.  And the more they come to me the more options become available.  I feel safe with you to explore.”

Summer smiled and cradled his jaw, caressing his cheek with her thumb.  “You don’t think you want those things I don’t want to give?  Like marriage or kids?”

He shook his head.  “No.  I’m fine without them.  I’m fine with being the satellite you orbit.  More than fine.  I’m grateful that you come back to me every time.  That’s all I need.”

Summer smiled and her eyes shimmered.  She leaned in and kissed him deeply, her thumb continuing to run over his cheek.  He melted into it, relaxing into her touch.  She pulled back slowly and sat up.

“Alright, Bruce Banner,” she said touching his nose.  “I need to clean these things and put them away.  “Shall I run a bath and make some tea?”

He hummed contentedly.  “Yes, please.”

“Good,” she said, getting up.  “We can talk about what else you want me to do to you.”

He sighed and relaxed back into the bed.  He did love how much she was willing to explore with him, but not quite as much as how she liked to take care of him when they were done.

// NEXT

[rising-generations]

i know no one asked for them but hey, take some pretty detailed headcanons on my daiya/hiro kiddos (the first two at least) do note that daiya is trans here uvu

- so daiya and hiro got together after daiya and chisa / hiro and chihiro got together, but they were pining for a while. like. a long while. until their respective partners were like "we don't mind sharing go for it bro" - daiya knows hiro adores kids so he's the one who brings up them having some. hiro knows that it was hard for daiya to get pregnant, though, so he says he's not bothered if they end up not being able to have a bio kid, that's fine. in fact he suggests adoption at first, which neither of them are against, however... - the way it ends up, daiya gets pregnant the first time they try somehow and hiro is. incredibly shocked to say the very least. as is daiya but he doesn't show it as much

- as for who they tell first, daiya tells chisa first and hiro tells chihiro, since they are their partners and kinda need to know, and they're both very happy for them. it's real sweet! there's no jealousy or anything cause like, yknow, they're pretty much their kid too

- the first month is pretty uneventful other than daiya finding out relatively early because they were expecting the results. hiro is just. so happy. much crying from hiro. also lots of cuddles and kisses. - second month sees a slightly more like. broody daiya is the best way to describe him. it's not that he's mad at the people around him he's just. broody. he's also mother henning the other kids like crazy. - additionally he's a little snippier than usual and his temper a bit shorter but it's not. horrible. hiro does cry once and it makes daiya feel really bad so he tries not to do it again - third month, there's a lot of hormonal stuff going on and it's a little harder for daiya to adjust than for his other pregnancies for some reason? they figure out why not too far in: surprise, it's twins! daiya is. understandably shocked because what he just had twins with chisa. but not mad bc that makes everything else make sense. - he's also wanting to "eat and hide" a lot for some reason? normally he stays in the living room for dinner with hiro and the others + kids but now he's like "i must take my food and Run". nobody tries to stop him bc hey he has his reasons - month four and he's gaining more weight so now there's a visible baby bump and he gets a little self conscious. but never to fear, hiro is there with kisses! he does try to make sure that daiya's eating a sensible diet bc left unchecked he'd just survive off of like candy and soda and as enticing as that sounds it's not good for a pregnant person - also catch hiro talking to daiya's stomach bc that is a thing hiro would do you can't convince me otherwise don't even try to - also highkey daiya gets more cuddly around this time. he just wants cuddles and snuggles. and is also very clingy. unfortunately for mondo he is often the target of this clingy worry and gets fussed over a lot ("daiya i have two kids of my own would you please leave me alone") - month five and his emotions just. spike. daiya is either very happy or very sad and there's no in-between. like. he'll be having a normal conversation and then drop a spoon or something and now he's bawling. hiro and/or chisa can usually calm him down but sometimes you'll just catch daiya crying for thirty minutes over one of those SPCA commercials - month six and now on top of being emotional he's also really, really moody and broody and nesting horribly. all the pillows and blankets are belong to daiya. hiro buys him one of those pregnancy pillow things and daiya does not let go of it, don't even try to take it from him you will not succeed and also you might lose an arm or two - however despite being moody and whatnot he still wants to cuddle with hiro and receive back rubs because having a previous spinal injury + carrying two children is not an easy thing to do. but thankfully both hiro and chisa are very willing to take care of him - month seven is when daiya starts getting tired of being pregnant, especially with twins because they're very active (apparently they did Not inherit hiro's chill) and no part of him is safe. he's sleeping a lot more to make up for the times at night when he can't because the kids decide it's party time. daiya still fusses over the other kids but it's mainly hiro/chisa + chihiro taking care of them now because he's mainly resting. - by the eighth month he's so done. he loves his kids. he loves his partners. but he does not love this experience and wants it to be over. it's pretty obvious that he's not gonna be happy until the babies are out and in his arms. hiro does his best to keep him calm because he's emotional once more and liable to cry at everything and anything. pretty much everyone's ready for the babies to just be born already.

as for the actual birth, daiya is a whole week past his due date and no one is happy. he's just. mad. and crying. and ready to do just about anything to get these kids out of him because he's miserable and ready to be done. they're a day away from taking him in to be induced when his water breaks in the middle of the night and he's like "okay fucking finally" because as badly as he wanted to get these kids out of him he also was adamant about not having them at a hospital (his and chisa's were born at home with a midwife so that's how he prefers to go).

he is in. so much pain. and it's hard for hiro to be there because with his and chihiro's kids, chihiro had a c-section so it was? not very intense? plus she was high as a mf kite bc of the drugs so there's that, but there's none of that with daiya. he has awful back labor and his contractions are really strong right from the start. but we'll give hiro credit because he does stay the whole time and hold his hand and basically does whatever daiya asks him to, which is mostly just to stay right with him.

it's way more intense than they were expecting because daiya goes from three centimeters dilation to like. eight centimeters in an hour and a half and everyone's just like "how did this happen so fast what the fuck" but unfortunately that just means more pain for daiya (the cervix dilating is literally your actual bones pulling apart so like. dilating that fast is p a i n f u l)

thankfully he only has to push for like thirty minutes before the first one is born and then the second one comes like ten minutes later so. all's well that ends well! they have a girl and a boy, tomoka and mitsuharu oowada. and they're both completely healthy so no complications on that side at least

some assorted things for after: - tomoka is the clingy baby and mitsuharu is more independent, personality-wise, but tomoka gets more independent as she gets older - despite them being hellions as fetuses, as babies they're actually hella chill. so apparently they did actually get hiro's chill - hiro has freckles and he passes them onto his kids - they were both weaned at the same time, around six months, because daiya unfortunately discovered they had teeth when nursing them one morning. you can imagine how that went. mondo thought this was hilarious until several years later he went through the same thing with ayako and daisuke - tomoka did not. absolutely did not. want to wean. not at all. not in the slightest. she was pissed and even after weaning she'd still cry if she wasn't on or near the titty - mitsuharu on the other hand was like "hell yeah i want food give it to me" - hiro adores his babies oh my god. he'd spend every minute with them if he was able and also didn't have to do things

[twelvemonkeyswere]

AFFC - Jaime III

aka Bear Pit Pt 2: That Time Jaime Takes a Long Ride that Proves his Compassionate Nature and That He Will Defend Brienne Even If She Is Not Around or in Immediate Danger

Thoughts on Jaime / Brienne:

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“His hand shone dully in its light. No good for throttling eunuchs, but heavy enough to smash that slimy smile into a fine red ruin. He wanted to hit someone.”

→ HA! “a fine red ruin”. Get it, huh, huh? Because Red gets ruined? HA!

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1/3 time Jaime actively mentions Brienne in his thoughts:

“Payne was as rusty as his ringmail, and not so strong as Brienne, yet he met every cut with his own blade, or interposed his shield.”

→ We do mention a lot how Brienne constantly says ‘he ain’t Jaime tho’ but Jaime is just the same: ‘Payne ain’t Brienne but he’ll do’

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2/3 time Jaime actively mentions Brienne in his thoughts:

“Jaime found himself wondering if Brienne might have passed this way before him. If she thought that Sansa Stark had made for Riverrun . . . Had they encountered other travelers, he might have stopped to ask if any of them had chance to see a pretty maid with auburn hair, or a big ugly one with a face that would curdle milk.”

→ I’m a sucker for Jaime having Brienne’s same train of thought and thinking about her journey constantly. As others have pointed out, he is startled by his wondering and has to remind himself how ugly she is, right? The fact he wants to ask about Sansa (his vow) is nice, but the fact he also wants to ask about Brienne (his special interest), is very nice.

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3/3 time Jaime actively mentions Brienne in his thoughts:

“He passed beneath the covered bridge… before he realized where he was headed.”

→ Don’t fucking @ me. The bear pit is a direct, unquestionable straight line to Brienne and as soon as he gets a chance he, unbidden, goes to her memory.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

So Bear Pit Pt 2:

““Naked? No.” He wondered how that wrinkle had been added to the story.”

→ Kingslayer’s whore?

“The Mummers put her in a pink silk gown and shoved a tourney sword into her hand. The Goat wanted her death to be amuthing. Elsewise . . .”

“. . . the sight of Brienne naked might have made the bear flee in terror.” Connington laughed. Jaime did not. “You speak as if you know the lady.”

→ a couple of things:

what I LOVE about this moment is that Jaime is here genuinely trying to make some conversation and casually doing disrespectful impressions of the man who almost kills them and he’s actually concerned with explaining the truth and HE IS DISREGARDED by Connignton because Connington is an ass and THEN Connington disrespects his wench and it just.fucking.activates.him.

Jaime remembers the dress clear enough to describe it in material and color (this man is definitely not my father)

what was after that ‘elsewise’? ‘Elsewise, she would’ve killed it? She would’ve won? I would not have needed to jump in?’ Jaime respects (and admires!) Brienne SO FUCKING MUCH I wanna believe he was going to sing his praises here.

“That took him by surprise. Brienne had never mentioned a betrothal.”

→ He's SO OFFENDED lmao Heaven knows how much shit he talked during their walk across the Riverlands and he is like, Brienne surely would’ve mentioned something of SUCH importance but he also senses that if she DIDN’T it was because of REASONS and gosh does he make Ronnet spill the beans.

““I was the second. My father’s notion. I had heard the wench was ugly, and I told him so, but he said all women were the same once you blew the candle out.”

“Your father.” Jaime eyed Red Ronnet’s surcoat.”

→ Jaime taking notice of who Connington dad is because HE’S GONNA CUT A BITCH

→ (and also because he is trying to unravel why they would betroth Brienne to this idiot and he discovers it’s because they are poor and were going to use her to elevate his status and you can just feel his disdain, I fucking love it)

““The bear was less hairy than that freak, I’ll—”

Jaime’s golden hand cracked him across the mouth so hard the other knight went stumbling down the steps.”

→ the first time I read this I fucking TRANSCENDED because I wanted to smack each of Brienne’s wrongdoers myself. Jaime stood his ground as much as he could but the moment he insults Brienne with “freak” (and insults her bush, which we know he was gladly impressed by) he just fucking reacts. And my favorite bit is…

“You are speaking of a highborn lady, ser. Call her by her name. Call her Brienne.”

→ FIRST, Jaime hasn’t referred to Brienne internally as “wench” or anything else but Brienne in a fucking long time.

→ SECOND, this shows just how much he respects her as a woman, as a mf lady, and how much he’ll demand others will treat her as such.

→ And THIRD, it shows how much he respects her, PERIOD. We love a man who loves and respects his beloved.

Thoughts on Jaime:

Clearly even though Loras is young Jaime thinks he is worth his salt. And it’s not until Cersei brings up his gayness that Jaime doesn’t really anger. Even Cersei points out that Jaime’s “perception” of manhood has changed but I think it has to do more about Jaime respecting Loras and him self-actualizing his identity.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

More on Cersei:

“Cersei slapped his face. / Jaime made no attempt to block the blow. “I see I need a thicker beard, to cushion me against my queen’s caresses.” He wanted to rip her gown off and turn her blows to kisses.”

→ this looks terribly like conditioned behaviour because Jaime previously mentions he has to “beg” for her “affections” and that means “coaxing” her into changing that. Same thing happens when they are discussing the unmentionable knife and he sits her on his lap to stop her from being angry. which actually leads me to…

“Softer words might have swayed her, yet of late the very sight of her made him angry”

→ He balked her on purpose, though he seems to miss her somehow still (he’s horny, too) he gets angry at her and doesn’t let that impulse govern him at all. But he does allow himself to anger her because he doesn’t want to have to treat her kindly. It’s almost like he’s realizing how hateful she actually is.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

FUCKING KILL ME BRUH

“It had been long years since Jaime had named any of his horses; he had seen too many die in battle, and that was harder when you named them.”

→ Jaime: traumatized horse girl. Poor man.

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Symbolism?

“Glory wore trappings of Lannister crimson; Honor was barded in Kingsguard white”

→ I’m sure this is symbolism but heck if I can put it into words. Like, it seems clear (?) they represent two sides of Jaime, the need to uphold the Lannister name (glory) and the dedicated vows of his knighthood (honor) but… that’s as far as I get.

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Paralelism: 

Jaime’s “price” for going to the Riverlands is Ilyn Payne (a counterpart to Brienne’s Pod) and Ser Addam (a person from his past, like Brienne’s Hyle). I like their parallelism. Like, they’re accompanied by someone who reminds them who they were and what they have/are becoming while on a quest caused by their vows.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime is not stupid:

“Robb Stark took me unawares in the Whispering Wood,” he said. “That will never happen again.”

→ besides this man turns trauma into learning points.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Jaime cares about others:

“Jaime had given stern commands that no man was to depart the column without his leave.” → He protects the land as they go, he scoffs at the “bored lordings” who could trample and attack the stock and farms along the way.

Little Lew Piper brings blackberries, Jaime orders him to share them with the other squires and fucking Ilyn Payne.

Feeling sorry for the horse and bear.

Pia!

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

More Paralelism:

I love this bit that calls back to Jaime’s first chapter ever:

“Riding at the front of the host with Ser Ilyn silent by his side, Jaime felt almost content. The sun was warm on his back and the wind riffled through his hair like a woman’s fingers.”

→ It’s like a more toned down “alive and drunk on sunlight.”. Instead of feeling alive, he feels almost content. Instead of drunk, warm. Instead of Cersei's fingers, a woman's. And it’s about being free from a former entrapment behind enemy lines.

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Goldenhand

“Men shall name you Goldenhand from this day forth, my lord,” the armorer had assured him the first time he’d fitted it onto Jaime’s wrist. He was wrong. I shall be the Kingslayer till I die.”

→ I swear to God if they give him the nickname AFTER he dies I’m going to fucking scream (fingers crossed he won’t die)

“The golden hand was the occasion for much admiring comment over supper, at least until Jaime knocked over a goblet of wine. Then his temper got the best of him… After that there was no more talk about his hand.”

→ These fucking people omgggg fucking bootlickers. Besides he lets the common folk/his men see him as he is but has to pretend for "polite" company. I like that the hand is almost a second thought like, Well I suppose I ought to wear the hand to dinner.

→ He also says they’ll call him ‘Goldenhand the Just’ eventually because he is willing to impart justice even to the men who served his own house (he hangs a man in Lannister red for being a bandit), and if that doesn’t show AGAIN he is willing to do the right thing if necessary… well.

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Jaime’s shames:

“They have lusty wenches in House Hayford. These are love bites, lad.”

→ Jaime Lannister, famously monogamous, thinks a fake hickey excuse is less shameful than his shortcomings. But also he needs to appear commanding.

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Jaime, Horsegirl (contin’d):

““These are demons in the skins of wolves, sent to chastise us for our sins.”

“This must have been an uncommonly sinful horse,” Jaime said, standing over what remained of the poor animal.”

→ this line is not just funny but shows just how much Jaime has an affinity to the innocent.

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About Hoat:

since the description of how he died (tortured, cut up in pieces, fed his own flesh, then defiled in death) happens right before the goddamn Bear Pit Pt 2 I had completely forgotten about it. Jaime hears the tale, sees the head, and hi satisfaction at his death seems to curdle. I just like that of course, we know Jaime is not cruel. And that even though Brienne told him to “live and take revenge,” he is NOT finding pleasure in a death he might have gloated on if he were different.

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About Pia:

“She is a font of corruption,” said Ser Bonifer…

“I expect her flaunting days are done,” he said, “but if you find her that objectionable, I’ll take her.” He could make her a washerwoman, he supposed. His squires did not mind raising his tent, grooming his horse, or cleaning his armor, but the task of caring for his clothes struck them as unmanly

→ So first, this is one of the reasons I like Jaime. He is actually very very compassionate, and actually defends Pia. Second, does this seem to suggest he would’ve personally taken care of his clothes if he had two hands? Or just that this seems like an excuse to bring her in? Also, I love how the squires will do the cleaning but draw the line at washing clothes.

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Jaime internally calling Ser Bonifer “Baelor Butthole” is infinitely amuthing to me.

[camandsee]

XXII

Of course, I won’t let the day end without turning in my entry.

 Exactly a year ago, I’ve made a promise to myself to hit my 21 targets before I officially turn 22 (Those remain classified! Haha!) When I turned 21, things began to look differently— the clock ticked faster, days were longer, learning while earning was hard but paying bills was harder, things that overwhelmed me seemed simpler, and I felt stronger. There were times when my faith was shaken, but, as always, I am utterly grateful for the happenstances and people who unceasingly reminded me of the endpoint and gave reasons the keep holding on. You have defibrillated the spirit in me. When I turned 21, I can’t help but look at how far I’ve been and how far away I still am from my endpoint. I think about my self-set annual accomplishments before I turn 30. Looking back, I have recounted how I’ve spent the days given to me in the past year and realized that I have put so much time taking much-needed breaks, as a way of putting myself on top of the priority. But then again, I realized how fast time flew, and how much time went to those breaks that too little was accomplished (although my Chemistry professor always told me to give myself more credits). I have hit my 21 targets, even went beyond. What’s there to feel inadequate about? It turns out turning 21 was just a MF warm up. 


This past year has moulded me into a whole new person with added facets—Level 22.0 😁. There were things I learned to be more in control of—e.g., my own time, money, and decisions—and less in control of—e.g., other people’s time, money, and decisions 😅. Life seems plainer and simpler, although some things still perplex me. Just when I thought I’ve got LIFE figured out, life itself reminds me every second how much there’s still left to learn. Nonetheless, what matters is I am learning. I’d like to think a wise ass of myself at times; I learned to take advantage of free things in life when I needed them, and to let go when I didn’t. I’ve learned that giving things adequate time and space will give them the chance to grow and fill their places in your life. Have fun. Take chances. Be bold. Collect experiences. Learn things. Take it easy. Move on. Ride on. Listen more. Save up. Cherish moments. Commit to something. And many more..

At this point in my life, nothing is more important than a roof over my head, food, transportation, personal progress, unceasing drive/willpower, academic progress, job stability and FREQUENT BREAKS (intentionally left upper case for added intensity). Since time is controlling every aspect of my life, I have to learn how to deal with it wisely. Of course things don’t always go as planned, but I try my best as much as possible. Every time a change happens in my life, my priorities always get reshuffled according to their timeframe of completion. Once in a while, I step out to let the illumination of the sun reach the most sequestered parts of my body and soul, and to feel a little human and realize that the world does not only revolve around the classroom and the office’s corners, that there is more to life than grades and paychecks, that there are a million other worlds out there to explore and discover.

Never underestimate the power of frequent breaks for this is how you’ll see yourself in the life you are working hard for. And in my opinion, it’s better to have a picture of it in progress while you are in the process of working for it, for these external stimuli propel you forward, just a little harder.

When I learn new things from someone, be it old and wise, or young and wild, I always make it a point to thank them, for those little pieces of wisdom are the ones that make an impact in my way of life. External influence play a huge part of my growth as a person. A couple of years back, people knew me to have always been cold, but only because that was all I felt comfortable doing. That was me protecting myself from the emotional saturation of empathy—be it profound or superficial. As I grew through experiences, I learned to intentionally make myself more uncomfortable and let people into my life at a certain degree, depending on how well we Bluetooth, but only because I’m curious about what you have to offer; I’m hungry to learn and make myself better. I even learned to be more comfortable speaking to strangers when I just feel like it. And by doing so, I opened my eyes to countless things I’ve never seen, heard of, and experienced before. And through that, I learned nuggets of wisdom that gave me a leverage to situations and helped mould me to whatever I have become now.

As I turn 22, my dreams and aspirations become more and more narrow and specific. If back then I will try to take as much as I can, knowing I’m still young and free and yet to learn from those that I wanted to do (well, I’m still young even now), now I only have few specific things I want to accomplish at least before I turn another year older. No more 21 targets. However, frustrations will never get old. Even if my old ones have ceased from overcoming them, new ones have risen from my aspirations. Traveling has taught me to step out into the unknown and uncertain in many different ways, and it has motivated me to better myself at the same time. I learned how to make my own food and get myself at least 80% Paleo for the past 3 months now, and lost over ~23 lbs. recently (from 148lbs. to 125lbs.) from working out despite my hectic schedule. This is in preparation for a much awaited out-of-the-country vacation—one of my 21 targets). And I consider this as one of my biggest personal achievements. As you could tell, I easily get engaged when I’m truly interested, and that's the best time to hone any skill I need for it. Talk about being good in the kitchen. Cooking is something I’ve learned to let go of when I started working while going to school at the same time. Now, I am trying to restore this skill to my attributes, so when time comes I have to host for a party, my kitchen skills will be ready. That’s just one but there's a top secret list of frustrations you don't need to know.

Since most of the things on my bucket list before I was 21 were almost done, there have been a very few left which I can do any time soon. For now, I am thankful for my younger self for the motivation and persistence to cross most of the short-stretched but toughest parts of adulthood in order to leave my older self with a more convenient “now” with a little more responsibilities. I just want to focus on what I have and work well on them—a quite few goals I desire to conquer, and levels that I want to clear— before I’m 23. I am not getting any younger and I guess there are things that must be taken into deeper consideration when you’re fast approaching your mid 20’s.

Overall, I just want to thank everyone who has been part of this milestone. For what I’ll be and what I have become, I’m raising a glass for you and me *clinks*.

[ecotone99]

[MF] I'm an old man.

I’m an old man.

Okay, I’m not that old. I’m only seventy-five. I’m being dramatic. They say that the seventies are the new fifties. But, I’m entitled to being a little grumpy at my age. I’ve earned it.

When I was younger, birthdays earned you new privileges, like buying tobacco (albeit I hate the smell and only occasionally smoke a cigar, which even then I still find it mildly revolting), getting married, joining the military, voting, alcohol, and cheaper car insurance.

But now the doctors inform me that, based on my age and my insurance provider, I’ve earned the privilege of undergoing another test for some disease that’s sure to end my life miserably. Every year I go in for my physical, and every year the doctor runs a complete battery; cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, hearing, prostate, bone density, and on and on.

I see a dermatologist annually owing to my fair complexion; a trait I inherited from my mother who had strawberry blonde hair and a spattering of freckles that ran up and down her cheeks. And every three years I have to drink that God-awful Crystal Light and apple juice concoction, shit my brains out for two days, and then get little cameras inserted up my ass and down my throat. If it wasn’t for the drugs, I’m not sure I’d enjoy it much.

Or would I? When you get old, sometimes you wonder about these things. I’m not gay (and I don’t have a problem with it, mind you), but these thoughts run through my head on occasion as I get older.

What if I actually enjoyed it?

Maybe I would have when I was younger and a bit more open to those kinds of things. Apparently, the prostate, that little walnut-sized gland near your bladder, is also called the “male G-spot.”

All I know is that on occasion, when the doctor sticks his fingers up my rectum, I get a little chubby. It’s kind of embarrassing, but if it weren’t for the sterile formality of it all, maybe I’d relax enough to enjoy it.

You see, I never considered these things before.

Just like every time I get some new test. It gnaws away at my mind’s ability to ignore the fact that my time on this earth is coming to an end, something my younger self never once considered as a real possibility. Where death was something that happened to other people, each phone call from my specialist inches me closer to the realization that I’m not a spring-chicken anymore, and I’m one rotten biopsy away from the grave.

So, when the doctor says “you’re as healthy a twenty-year-old,” I always respond (still a little slick between the cheeks), “that’s just great, Doc.”

But who am I fooling?

They say that the seventies are the new fifties, but on Tinder I am old. I’m old, and I’m creepy. At least, that’s what all the young girls tell me.

Swipe right, swipe left? I don’t know how we matched, because I can barely text my wife without transferring my life savings to an African prince. I joke, because they all end up in my spam folder anyway, along with my daughter’s e-mails … why can’t you just call me on the phone like a normal human being, or God-forbid, visit once in a while? I know you have a family of your own and live a couple thousand miles away, but would it hurt to bring them down to get to know their Papa before he chokes?

Online dating is as foreign to me as Ching Chang Chong. Or is that too pejorative of an idiom these days? One thing I’ve also realized is that the older I get, the more bigoted and wrong about the world I am, at least that’s what everyone keeps telling me.

But let me be clear, Chief, it wasn’t me who changed; it was the world.

When I was a kid, these things didn’t have the same context. People weren’t so sensitive. I grew up in New England, for fuck’s sake. If you don’t recall, we fought to end slavery during the Civil War. We championed equal rights, and I even marched to end segregation, and now I’m a bigot? Please, spare me.

I don’t want to get political, but there’s a reason Trump won. I don’t care much for the man, with his gold-plated shit palace and orange skin, but he appreciates what being American used to mean. In a lot of ways, those were the gold-old-days. Those were the days before Twitter, Facebook, and Insta-whatever. Things were simpler: you sent a letter in the mail and then you waited. And when you waited you learned patience. Kids don’t have patience these days. They want everything now, now, now.

The world has changed, and maybe I’ve stayed the same.

A few years ago, we decided we were going to audit an ethics class at a local community college. Being that we are retired and didn’t have to work for food, we thought it would keep us engaged with the world that seemed to be changing daily. At any rate, the professor, some snotty, high-falutin’, thirty-something who couldn’t commit to a PhD, decided he was going to lecture me about objective moral values.

Objective moral values? What’s so objective about values these days when a man can decide to be a woman, and a woman can decide to be a Furry? A Furry. One interesting thing I learned in class: an employee filed an equal opportunity complaint because she not only believed she was a cat, but that she was being discriminated against because there weren’t any litter boxes for her to shit in.

Can you believe that?

Did the world go crazy, or am I going crazy?

One of the advantages of age is that it provides some perspective. A disadvantage is that facts about the world that one picks up in one era may not apply in a subsequent one. It’s not that the facts weren’t facts, but that those facts were time sensitive. What used to be true is not true now. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.

I’m time sensitive these days. I’m sensitive to the fact that I’m not getting any younger.

But eventually, you have to move on. You have to give new things a try. You have to embrace—and I hate to sound so callous, but at seventy, you appreciate the time you had and you appreciate the time you have left—change. It is hard to move on, but, sometimes, the world changes and you just have to hang on for the ride.

So, when Judith messaged me (not sure if it was through Our Time, Zoosk, Elite or Silver Singles, or whatever dating app I ended up contributing practically my entire 401k towards), it was a bit unexpected. I have to admit, it was hard. It was hard to carry on a conversation through my keyboard to some stranger in the internet ether. Hell, for all I knew, she was some Russian hacker trying to steal my e-mails.

I’m kidding.

We decided we’d meet at a local café. We’d have some coffee, maybe some breakfast, and we’d simply talk. That sounded great, honestly.

Because another thing about growing old is that everyone you know is constantly dying. When you’re twenty, it’s one wedding after another. When you’re seventy, it’s one funeral after another. Your address book gets smaller and smaller over time, and conversations become few and far between. You find yourself talking a bit too much to that clerk at the grocery store, or the telemarketer who’s trying to sell you a timeshare.

I give my daughter a hard time, but she has a career, a husband, and children, and I feel a bit guilty expecting anything from her beyond a call on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a wonderful daughter. She’s always trying to get me to move back to Maine, but I’ve grown accustomed to the Southern climate. They keep going on and on about climate change and saying Florida will be sucked into the ocean one day, but that won’t happen until long after I’m dead and gone. I keep telling her not to worry about me, and while she does, she knows I’m too stubborn to leave. But, daughters have a way of softening even the most hardened assholes like myself.

I showed up at the Waffle House a bit earlier than we agreed. Sitting at the booth I was reminded about how nervous I was when I was a kid.

But seventy is the new fifty, right? One thing I appreciate about technology is that it opens doors (both figuratively and non-figuratively). When I was a kid, you had to muster up the guts to approach a girl at the bar, an ice cream parlor, a diner, or the library. You had to introduce yourself while her and her friends pretended not to notice, but which made you even more nervous and uncomfortable. You had to invest an inordinate amount of time and resources into the act of dating that, probably, would be a waste of time in the end. It was a shot in the dark. You’d discover something about her personality, her values, her parents, her outlook, three or four dates into it, and you’d be back at square one.

Luck. That’s what it took to find the right one.

The great thing about online dating is you can weed out all those people you know aren’t cut out for you, that don’t share your worldview. It opens up the pool of dating I didn’t have when I was a kid. It’s simple math; the wider your net, the more chance you have of making the catch.

Sitting there I realized I still had my wedding ring on. I hadn’t taken it off for nearly fifty years.

In the bathroom, with a great deal of soap, I worked the ring backwards and forwards. The once smooth band was now sharp and cut into my finger that had grown a size (or two) larger than it was when I had first gotten married. The ring refused to budge over my knuckle. No matter how much I yanked, the damn thing wouldn’t come off. And the harder I pulled, the more I smiled and the more those crow’s feet, winkles, and loose skin scrunched up into an adolescent grin ear-to-ear as I realized I hadn’t taken it for nearly fifty years.

Judith ordered black coffee, two eggs sunny-side up, turkey bacon, and wheat toast. From her purse, she pulled out a shaker of Morton Salt Substitute, and that’s when I saw that she hadn’t taken her ring off either.

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