#i just didn’t want to draw it cause perspective is not my strong suit (obviously)

[sentientsky]

pov: your baby brother is a Weird Little Guy™️

[supergirlfics]

Batwoman

A/N: Welp, like I said, trash for Kate Kane. There will probably be more of this and hopefully I got the voices and character at least sorta right. With only half a season, not much to go on, but I think it’s okay. Enjoy!

Okay, I realized the perspective changed several times throughout the fic, so I’v got that fixed. It is now at least 99% second person. 

“Well, aren't you just the most adorable little thing,” The woman grinned impishly. “We can have so much fun with you.”

You gulped. You didn’t know what she meant by “fun” but you knew you didn’t like it. Her smile sent chills down your spine. She gripped your chin in a surprisingly hard grip, her face only an inch from yours. 

“You just have the most beautiful face. It will work well.”

“W-what do you want?” You asked.

The woman stepped back, white hair bouncing as she did. “I just said, didn’t I? I want your face.”

“Just . . . just let me go. Please,” You begged.

“What? You don’t want to play with dear Alice? I must say, I’m horribly disappointed. And for the insubordination, you will have to pay a price. I can’t do anything to harm that pretty little face, but the rest of you, well . . .” 

Before you could register what was happening, a knife plunged into you shoulder. A scream echoed from your lungs as you felt it twist inside you before Alice slowly dragged it out. Blood poured from the wound, tears stained your cheeks. Your breath came out in heavy wheezes as pain continued to shoot through you in shockwaves. 

“Now, would you like to play?”

You didn’t answer, only stared at the blood seeping down your shirt and onto the ropes that fastened you to your seat. 

“I asked you a question,” Alice growled. “When I ask, you answer.”

“N-no . . . please don’t hurt me.”

Alice cocked her head to the side. “I see. My dear girl, I won’t hurt you. I’ll only make you suffer. It’s you who decides whether it hurts.”

The cold metal of spiked brass knuckles pounded into your stomach as Alice rammed into it with her fist. She was smiling. Enjoying the sound of your screams as the punched you repeatedly. When she finally stopped, you head hung limply. You were soaked in blood. Every inch of your body shook in agony.

And that’s when somebody else entered the room. He was a scraggly looking young man, with long hair and a thin figure. You didn’t know why, but just seeing him sent a chill down your spine. He carried an heir of unease.

“That’s my face?”

“Yes, Mouse, that’s your new face. Do you like it?”

“It’s a girl.”

“We do what is necessary, Mouse. Remember, you needed a woman’s face. It will fit you just fine. Do you like it?” There was malice in her voice the second time she asked that question. 

“Yes, Alice. I like it. It’s a good face. It will be useful.”

“Useful for what?” You squeaked.

Alice knelt down in front of you and caressed my cheek with one gloved hand. You tried to draw away, but it only caused you to gasp in pain. “Useful for Mouse. Nobody wants to see his face, but if we place yours on him, the world will never know the difference. There are oh so many things he can do with this face.”

Alice’s words sent a shiver down my spine. I squeezed my eyes shut as she ran her hands over my face as if studying it. Feeling every bump and curve. 

“Oh my . . . you’re very warm. You may be striking a fever. No doubt from those awful wounds. But don’t worry, my pet, I’ll bandage you up.”

“Leave me alone,” You whispered. You couldn’t keep the fear from your voice.

“No can do. But don’t be nervous. I’m very good with a bandage.” 

The cleanliness of the bandages she used was questionable. In a place like this, no matter how many times something had been sanitized, you still couldn’t be certain it was clean. 

They moved you to a bed, and though you tried to fight and protest, you were too weak. It only caused more pain and more blood. You were lightheaded, dizzy. And you could only stare as they tied you to the bed posts. 

“What a good girl, finally listening. You stopped fighting. It’s a shame you won’t be alive much longer. I have grown rather fond of you.”

“Please don’t kill me,” You squeaked.

“My dear girl. If only it were in the cards.” She grabbed a wad of gauze and pressed it to the wound in your shoulder. You cried out in pain and Alice tisked. “Not very strong, are we? Can’t handle a little pain?” She pressed harder.

“Stop,” You gasped.

“I’m sorry, but I thought you wanted to live a while longer. Besides, the flesh is better when fresh. However, I do not wish to hear your screams. Mouse, gag her.”

A dirty cloth was shoved in your mouth and tied behind the back of your head. It tasted horrible and made it difficult to breathe. You struggled against it, but Mouse was much stronger. It wasn’t much of a fight. 

She smiled sweetly at you as she fastened the gauze the your skin. It was a sickly sight - how could one so terrible feel so good about what they were doing? It was as if your pain gave her great pleasure. She moved to the wounds on your stomach, which somehow hurt even more. You were certain that, in this filthy place, they had already become infected. 

Your flesh wouldn’t be too great after that. 

Tears streamed down your cheeks.

Alice wiped them away with a knuckle, a little too gently. “Don’t cry. You’ll stain your cheeks.”

~~~~

“We’ve got reports of a kidnapping,” Sophie said. “Young woman, early twenties. Her name is (Y/N). Discovered missing after she failed to show up for work for several days, a coworker went to see if she was okay. There are signs of a struggle, blood on the floor. We don’t have long if we want to find this girl alive.”

“Where was she taken from?” Kate asked, stepping toward the screen.

“The Orchard apartment complex.”

“That’s near the morgue. Have there been any other abductions?”

Sophie shook her head. “Not from what we’ve seen, though we will be keeping an eye out.”

Kate nodded, eyes still not leaving the screen. “Show me the crime scene photos?”

Sophie simply nodded and did as she was asked. 

Kate silently studied them. It showed an apartment that looked as if it was usually very clean, however, chairs were thrown aside, dishes broken, a vase lay in pieces on the floor. “What floor?”

“Fifth,” Sophie said.

“Are there any security cameras nearby?”

Jacob stepped forward with another image. “Only this one, about a block away. The street is busy, making it nearly impossible to identify the escape vehicle.”

“Play it,” Kate said. She was looking for something, though nobody was quite sure what she was searching for. Again, she studied it silently for several minutes before raising a hand. “There. That’s the vehicle.”

Jacob paused the video. “How do you know?”

“It belongs to Beth.”

The crows all exchanged a look. “We need to go,” Sophie said.

Kate was already gone. She ran back to Wayne Enterprises, trying to ignore Luke as he bombarded her with questions.

“Whoa, you came in a hurry, what’s going on? Is it Alice? Did she do something?”

“Can you shut up?”

“That’s incredibly rude. Okay, but I’ve been working on a new piece of tech and -”

Kate shoved him out of the elevator just before the doors closed. “Not the time, Luke.”

It wasn’t long before she had donned the suit, equipping herself with everything she might need, and rushed off. 

~~~~

“N-no . . . No,” You cried as Alice pulled out a small knife. 

“Oh hush,” Alice snapped. “Your pathetic whimpering is starting to get on my nerves. Obviously, the gag didn’t work, but I’ll make sure you can’t talk anymore. I may need your face, but your tongue is free to dispose of.”

Your mouth was forced open and a cold metal clamp bit down on your tongue. Something pierced painfully through it, so no matter how you struggled, you couldn’t draw your tongue away from the clamp. Though you tried to scream and tear away, you couldn’t. Mouse held your head steady as Alice brought the knife to your tongue. 

You had never been more afraid. Had never cried so hard. You had gone through a lot in your short life, but this was by far the worst. And you were powerless.

“Beth!” The voice drew away Alice’s attention from me. “Let her go.”

“No can do, sis. I was just about to cut out her tongue. Care to watch?”

Through my tears, you were able to see the woman standing on the other end of the room. She wore an all black suit and had long, dyed red hair. She looked almost like Batman. 

“Touch her and you’ll regret it,” the woman growled. “Beth, this is not okay.’

Beth moved the knife from my tongue and ran the side of it along my face, stopping to press the tip against the side of my neck. “Her face is just what we need. And nobody will miss her. She’s alone. Uncared for. No family . . . No friends. The perfect victim.”

The woman slowly stepped closer, raising a gun. “Let her go or I will kill him.” 

The gun wasn’t pointed at Alice as you’d expected, but rather, at Mouse. 

“You wouldn’t.”

“You really think so? You’re the one that means something to me, not him. He’s the one who took you and turned you into this. It would be easy.”

Blood dripped from your neck where the knife cut into your skin.

“You’re not a killer, dear sister.”

The gun went off. You jumped, eyes squeezed shut. There was a gasp and you felt the pressure release from your neck as Alice dropped her instruments. When you opened your eyes, you saw the Bat . . . woman, with an incredulous expression as she looked around.

A second woman rushed in a moment later, followed by several people in Crows Security uniforms. 

You could hear screams behind you, no doubt from Mouse, as you could also hear Alice speaking to him. “Mouse . . . You shot him!”

“That’s right,” the second woman said. “Don’t worry, it’s not fatal. Arrest them.”

Alice threw something. You saw it zip past you and the moment it hit the ground, the room was covered in a thick fog. You coughed as the smoke filled your lungs. It stung your eyes and made you feel dizzy. 

Through the fog, you could see the bat woman approach you. “I got you.” The clamp was removed from your tongue and the bindings from your wrists and ankles. She lifted you into her strong arms, holding you close as she walked from the building. The second woman was close behind.

“Hey, Batwoman, you can’t take her.”

“She needs help, Sophie. You do your job, I’ll do mine. I’m taking her to the hospital. Catch Alice.”

Sophie didn’t say another word, just allowed Batwoman to carry you away. 

[lanadelreyfiles-blog]

How Lana Del Rey Wrote Her Most Politically-Engaged Album Yet By Meaghan Garvey for Billboard Magazine. When mysterious, melancholy Lana Del Rey announced her fifth album with a beaming smile and a lead single simply called 'Love,' it seemed change was in the wind. Coming on the heels of 2015's darkly introspective ‘Honeymoon,’ a Billboard 200 No. 2 album, fans theorized that this would be Del Rey's “happy album.” Instead, as the 2016 election worked its way into her writing process, Del Rey, 32, metabolized the surrounding chaos into a work both engaged and transportive. "I like the Leonard Cohen quote: 'There's a crack in everything/That's how the light gets in,'" Del Rey says. "I feel like this is the year where we're seeing a lot of cracks -- the cracks that have been there forever. But the blessing in [that] is that we get to shine light on the problems that have been in society for a long time, and hopefully fix them. That makes me feel excited, actually." Along with her longtime collaborator, producer Rick Nowels, Del Rey wove '60s folk with stripped-down hip-hop percussion and, for the first time in her career, welcomed a thoughtfully eclectic guest roster (including Stevie Nicks, The Weeknd and Playboi Carti). For Del Rey, one of few album-oriented pop artists these days, tapping into the mood of the moment paid off: Lead single 'Love' spent two weeks atop the Rock Digital Song Sales chart, and ‘Lust for Life’ became Del Rey's second Billboard 200 No. 1.

Meaghan Garvey: How has this year been for you? You’ve had all these great career highs, but at the same time, at least personally, it’s hard not to feel a bit beaten down by the world… Lana Del Rey: Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. I try and take different approaches to how I see things every day. Because I guess if you just watched the news only, and didn’t have your own perspective, it would be hard to get through the day. But I really like the Leonard Coen quote: “There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” I feel like this is the year where we’re seeing a lot of cracks—all the cracks that have been there forever. But the blessing in all of these things that have been coming out is that we get to shine a lot of light on the problems that have been in society for a long time, and hopefully fix them. So that’s something I like to hold on to, and it makes me feel excited, actually. Because it feels like it’s happening fast. MG: It’s funny because, leading up to ‘Lust For Life,’ a lot of people were like: “Oh my god, Lana is smiling! This is going to be her happy album!” And definitely there’s a shift that seems significant, but I don’t know if “happy” is the word I would use. How do you feel about that? LDR: I think maybe a good word to use would be more present—less from the outside looking in, and sort of a more integrated perspective lyrically. Like, it’s not just about love, or feeling disappointed, it’s also about being in LA, cause that’s where I live, and thinking about… You know, like a song ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing,’ and the lyric is, “Is it the end of an era? Is it the end of America?”, kind of like we were saying earlier. I was thinking about things that are broader than just my relationships, which was nice for me. Probably nice for the fans, too—a little bit of a reprieve. MG: Starting off with a blank slate, did you have some idea that these were things you wanted to express, that this was going to be a more integrated perspective, or was that just kind of where the songs took you? LDR: Well, I think I started writing the record in the reverse order that the tracklisting is in now. So I started with the more… I don’t know how to describe them. I don’t wanna use the word “negative.” But we’ll say, I started writing the darker songs first. ‘Heroine,’ ‘Get Free,’ and then I kept ‘13 Beaches’ at the front of the tracklisting. I had a lot of songs where I was trying to state my intentions of what I wanted; in ‘Get Free,’ I wanted to move forward, I wanted to feel differently. ‘Heroine’ I was thinking about some stuff that had happened in the past. And then ‘13 Beaches,’ I was lamenting over the fact that it took me that many beaches to find a quiet one to just chill out at. So I had to get through all of my complaining [laughs]. And then once I got to be cathartic in that way, I thought: Alright, now I want to invite my friends in. I want The Weeknd to come in and be on a track, and [A$AP] Rocky’s so cool, I want him to be on a track. Obviously, the election was happening halfway through my writing process, and I was thinking about the election, and I wrote four songs that didn’t end up going on the record that were a little more politically oriented. I didn’t end up using those, but ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing’ and ‘God Bless America — And All The Beautiful Women In It,’ we kept on the record. So i was sort of just letting the process happen to me as I was moving through the election—and also just working through my personal life, which has been… very balanced. That’s all the little things that culminated into the body of work. MG: It’s interesting because we seem to have reached this point of cultural urgency that extends even to pop music—not to say that your music is necessarily pop music, but some people would put you there. And sometimes that works quite well, and other times it’s like, ugh, swing and a miss! [Lana starts laughing] And when ‘Coachella — Woodstock In My Mind’ came out, I think it caught people off-guard—like, wait, Lana Del Rey is getting woke? It could’ve gone so wrong, but you pulled it off completely! LDR: [Laughs] I know what you mean. But everybody has a different level of emotional depth that they draw from, and you know, I didn’t always choose to draw from—you know, that’s not true, actually. I was always drawing from my deeper writing well the best that I could. But I was just in a different place. I know what you mean, though, it can go so badly. It can go so wrong. But I actually was never worried. I’m never really worried about whether I can pull off a sentiment, because I know if I’m even trying to write it, I’ll eventually finesse the language and the mood of it in a way that feels comfortable to me. Because I know if it sounds comfortable to me, it’s gonna be comfortable for the fans. It would never be something that like, reads in a weird way. I mean, I really trust my writing voice so much—even more than my decision-making voice. MG: You’re really good at knowing, like: Sometimes things need to be subtle, and sometimes symbolic, and then sometimes need to be really on-the-nose because that’s just what the situation calls for. LDR: Yea, I think that’s true. MG: It’s also interesting that ‘Lust For Life’ felt so suited to the madness of 2017, but it also was very soothing. It sort of absorbed the madness and metabolized it into something that was transportive, even as it reached out into the world. And that was nice, because it wasn’t just like, “Oh, we’re fucked man!” LDR: I love the way you just described that—“metabolizing” something. My version of that word is “integrating” it, and processing it. Like, I take so much time for myself to think, and to meditate, and to talk to people I really trust about what they think, so I’ve got a lot of perspective that’s wound up into my own. And that really helps me to have a balanced view on everything. I mean, even though overall, it’s pretty dramatic. Even in L.A. right now, with the fires, and in Sonoma up north. And the earthquakes and everything—it’s a lot! But, I don’t know, I just have this really strong instinct that it’s all leading in a much-needed, different direction, that hopefully we’re all leaning into. It’s like a really hard turn to make, because we’ve got all these weird societal norms we’ve gotta break out of, and we’ve been stuck in them. MG: Yea, I guess it requires chaos to shake out of that. LDR: Apparently! It’s pretty weird, but I feel like it’s not a coincidence. It feels a little bit like a movie. MG: I wondered about the process of getting inspired for you. Because some artists get inspired by going out in the world and feeding off energy, and then others are able to create by removing themselves from that noise and creating their own space where they feel comfortable. So I wondered where you sat on this spectrum. LDR: Mm, that’s a good question. I think my most important thing has been just trusting what I want to do every day, even if it’s different. If I wake up and I have plans to do one thing, but I really feel like I’d rather drive six hours north to San Francisco to visit a friend for no reason, I just kind of don’t second-guess it and I go. Spontaneity, that’s a big thing for me. But that being said, still having a place I like to call home, even though I travel a lot. And for me, I don’t really like to write when I’m upset. I don’t really like sharing those thoughts until I’m all the way through them. So I don’t really feel inspired by heartbreak, and I don’t even necessarily feel inspired by something super exciting. I think I’m just inspired when I’m doing whatever feels right in the moment—when I’m really in the flow. MG: I’ve always been a little jealous of people who can make art out of depression or grief. Because for me, that’s when I’m non-functional. LDR: I’m non-functional, too. That’s when I don’t really wanna do anything. I definitely don’t want to make an amazing song. MG: Yea, that’s when art as a priority kind of just falls away for me. LDR: I don’t know how people do that. Those must be people who function really well in high crisis situations. Which I don’t. MG: Going back to ‘Get Free’ for a second: I think it’s interesting you felt like you were getting out negative feelings on that song, because… well, that song always makes me cry, but not quite in a sad way. It’s more overwhelming, because when you sing “Finally, I’m crossing the threshold,” it feels like that moment of change where you don’t know yet what’s going to be on the other side of it, because it’s happening to you, and you’re in it. The album itself almost feels like a document of change—it’s not like at the end of the album, it’s like, “Well, this is the lesson learned…” LDR: Which is how I thought it was gonna be! I thought it was gonna be that way. MG: Do you have any perspective now on, when you say you’re crossing this threshold, what was on the other side? LDR: Okay, so “crossing the threshold” was actually a reference to this little concept, or diagram, that’s called “The Hero’s Journey.” This writer, Joseph Campbell, came up with this little model. And it’s all about this character who has a lot of trouble at the beginning of the story, and then somewhere in the middle of the story, crosses the threshold to sort of face the monster, or the challenger, and in the end hopefully emerges triumphant once he’s beaten the bad guy or whatever. And I had been talking about that with my engineer, and I thought: I don’t usually use metaphors, but I loved the line “crossing the threshold,” and I wanted to bring it into that song I’d already started writing. So I changed those first few lines, so that woven in would be the idea of the hero’s journey. Because I really liked the idea of changing your own past. I think that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t really know if I had control over doing that for a long time, and yeah, I didn’t know what would be on the other side of me making a couple of really strong personal decisions and statement. Even just using my own voice to talk about stuff, that was different from ‘Love.’ And I didn’t really know how the whole thing would go. But I liked so much that it would be my authentic voice at the time, so I just decided that to write what I was feeling was important enough to cross that threshold in the music. It’s kind of hard for me to explain, because there’s so many different levels to it: like, I’m making literary allusions, but I’m also really trying to make changes in my own life. It’s hard to articulate it eloquently! MG: ‘Love’ was what I wanted to ask you about next. First, just the title, because you know, you’ve got this reputation for mystery and melancholy and then suddenly it’s like, boom, LOVE! The most direct, unmysterious title. Was there some significance to you in the directness of that? LDR: Yea. It didn’t start off as ‘Love.’ It started as ‘Young & In Love,’ but I didn’t really like that title, because that wasn’t even the point of the song. I could have gone back and edited the song as well, but I liked how the whole thing sounded, so I didn’t. Then I worked with Sean Lennon, and you know, that Lennon legacy is so tied into that one word. So I just thought, you know what? I just wanna go for it. The whole record is pointing its own little nose in that direction, between like, Stevie Nicks, and Sean Lennon, and ‘Lust For Life,’ and ‘Love’… It felt like once I got through the chaos of making all these little personal statements that I had to almost delete from the music and then put back in, I was ready to say that what I’m getting at is, like so many singers in the past: it’s all about love! And obviously it’s about more than that. It is about more than that. But what you said about being on the nose sometimes—I liked that it was pretty literal, and it felt nice and comfortable to not necessarily have layers to all of the singles. That one and ‘Lust For Life’ were similar in that they were kind of just about having fun. Even if you don’t have anywhere to go, well, so what, just get dressed up and go anyways. MG: Sometimes that line [“You get ready, you get all dressed up / To go nowhere in particular”] kinda made me sad, too, though! LDR: I’ve heard that! MG: I sometimes heard it as, you know, you get dressed up and you don’t have anywhere to go, and you maybe made these plans that didn’t turn out. LDR: All dressed up and nowhere to go. Which is funny, because when I was 20 and writing little folk songs, I had a lot of that line, “All dressed up with nowhere to go.” But sometimes my lines end up slipping on themselves, and I feel differently about them once I’ve got some perspective on them. But I think I was thinking… you know, you don’t need hundreds of friends to have something fun to do, you know? You can have fun by yourself. It was more about just feeling a lot of love whether you’re alone, or you’re with someone. You don’t have to have a party to go to. But I know everyone interpets it in their own way. I read one review that was like, “Well, this is depressing.” And I was like, “Fuck, really? Another depressing song?” [Laughs] You can’t get it there all the way sometimes, you can’t get the message exactly the way you want it. But I think because of the production and the melody, I can also feel the melancholia. And maybe, on some level, I was feeling like, “Fuck, I’ve got nowhere to go.” I don’t remember thinking that when I was writing it, but probably there’s a little of that in there. Who knows! MG: I wondered if you cared about… You know, this album has singles, and that’s more than could be said of ‘Honeymoon’ to begin with… [Lana starts laughing] No, I totally don’t mean that in a negative way, I adore ‘Honeymoon’! LDR: No, it’s just funny! It’s funny. MG: Do you think, like, okay, this song’s gonna be the single, and we’re gonna push it like so? Or is that just the shit that happens later? LDR: That’s like, what John Janick says. He’ll say, “Oh I love this song, I want this to be the single.” And if I like it, well, then I’ll say okay. But not with a record like ‘Honeymoon.’ With a record like ‘Honeymoon,’ he’s like… Have fun! Because that’s just, you know, kind of like a vanity project. I mean, in a good way. Like, a project just for you. With this one— first of all, I love everybody at my label. But John and the guys I work with loved ‘Love,’ and they loved ‘Lust For Life.’ So those were really the only two singles that we thought about, and I’m kind of doing air quotes with “singles” alone in my room right now. What that means for us, at this point, is just that the song’s gonna get a video. So it’s kind of different for us than it is for other people. It usually means, like, there’s a feature on it or there’s gonna be a video, or maybe I’ll sing it on the radio if I do, like, a thing with KROQ. My label’s pretty good about not having too many expectations. I guess I felt like, if one song was going to go further than the other ones, I thought it was ‘Love,’ and I think I was right about that. That’s the one people will remember if they’re just a casual listener—which is good, because I really like that song! Even if just one of the songs goes far, that’s kind of like an accomplishment, because there’s so much music out there. Even if one makes it to the radio, even if it’s indie or college radio or whatever. MG: Do you have expectations for your own records? When you finished writing the record, did you have any idea as to… what you thought it would do? Or if people would like it? Ugh, I don’t know how to phrase this question, do you know kind of what I’m saying? LDR: Yea, I do. I did have expectations for the record. I wanted to see if it was going to be heard for what it was really saying, and overall, from what I read, it was interpreted correctly. Which is a good sign for me, because it means I’m not seeing things one way, and the culture is seeing things the other way. Which is bad—that means there’s some incongruence there. That means you need to check yourself, and I don’t wanna check myself. I wanna stay in the flow, keep writing. From what I read, I didn’t feel like anyone thought I was trying to make some mega-turn in the end, away from what I had done originally. It was just a slow advancement with a couple sparkly details in it. So that was good enough for me. And what’s cool is that I’m only just starting to tour next month. My records are very slow-burning for a long time, and sometimes… I remember with ‘Summertime Sadness,’ that song didn’t even go on the radio until two years after the record came out. My songs always surprise me. Sometimes they find themselves in movies, or getting nominated for things, way after they’ve been out. So it’s pretty cool. MG: Yea, not to like, blow smoke up your ass, but with you in particular, it seems to take the culture as a whole a minute to catch up with you. And that’s true with each of your records, but with ‘Lust For Life’ in particular, it feels like the moment that the culture has met you on your grounds. LDR: Well, that’s a really cool way of looking at it. And when I think about it, maybe that’s because I’m ready, too. Maybe I needed a lot of time to just be me, all to myself, and just be weird. It’s easier when you’re in a mood to be more out there. And I don’t really know what makes that happen; maybe it’s just enough time making music. Who knows why timing works out the way it does? But I like that you said that, I think that’s cool. I really like this record; I think if this was the first record some people heard from me, I’d be really proud of that.

[victoriawilegus]

How Personal Bleeds Professional

I was spending an awful lot of time on thinking today. See I've been seeing this man, and I am 90% certain that it isn't going to work out, not because he isn't an amazing provider, or because he isn't talented, or attractive, but because he has a drinking problem. I come from a history of drug and alcohol abuse in my family which has caused my life a lot of trauma - that coincidentally has shown up in several different areas of my life. One of those being my business venture.

See growing up in an alcoholic home your whole life becomes centered around trying to make life just a little normal. Taking out the garbage with 6-18 beer bottles before my younger siblings could have to worry about getting a ride to school, having to call the neighbors to get a babysitter for yourself because you can't cook at 4 years old, taking the blame for things that are not your fault, and ultimately killing yourself with a sense of guilt of not being good enough.

See there are two sides of living in an alcoholic home, one being the side that has you work to be the idol of something whether that be in school, work, church, volunteer work, sports, or whatever. The other side is the person who is on the opposite side of the spectrum who just can't take it anymore, and unfortunately they are so scared to ask for help this is when problems and self harm can come in.

My siblings and I were so worried about drawing attention to ourselves we strove to be perfect in every way possible. School, cooking, home life, friendships, working as soon as anyone would hire you. It was your responsibility to lift the burden of being there, and if you asked for more you were considered "spoiled".

One of the most painful parts of growing up in a home that is centered around substance abuse is this- the people that harm you give you gifts: these can come in different ways. They give you praise to keep your mouth shut, and to keep living the way you are, which is in fear. With that said, my siblings and I had a lot of stuff. One of my parents was a shopaholic and hobbyolic. Which meant anytime something went wrong they would buy everything they possibly needed to create a project. Honestly if they would have just knew how to be profitable and turned it into a business they would have been a millionare 10X over.

Anyway I say all of this not to have anyone feel bad for me or treat me differently, I hate it when people feel bad for me. I'm a strong, business oriented, creative, independent woman, and a devoted woman to my faith so pity does not suit me well. However, I have come to realize that my story is one that 1 out of 4 children need to hear. There are thousands of kids that are worried sick about their lives and the same things that I had to worry about every day and it isn't a happy life either.

Being a child of a substance abuse home doesn't only make you stronger, it makes you understand that there is going to be a lot of ups and downs that are unpredictable Which is AMAZING for business. While this may prepare you for a superior amount of issues down the road you still have a lot of healing coming your way.

.........................................................................................................................

I'm known by all of my mentors as "a fighter" I am able to sniff and stomp problems out very quickly. I am witty and quick and have the ability to read almost every single situation from a third party perspective. I can train a fish to climb a tree, and a monkey how to swim. I am talented in many things,,,, but there are many things that I have had to face as a person who has suffered trauma these things.

1. No one is Watching You As Much As You Think: This was hard for me, because I have always sought the attention from people that never gave it to me, which is NOT healthy. What I've learned is that you have to be strong and do whatever it is FOR YOU. Especially when it comes to your liveliness.

2. Being Selfish is the best love: I didn't realize this at the time, but now that I am older I have realized that if I would have just did what I needed to to take care of myself, then I would have been able to treat others better. A therapist once told me this: People who grow up in situations with addictive behaviors: they never truly have their full needs met, so their versions of "selfish" are actually not selfish and this is evident in their day to day life whether it is emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. They don't have room for them because they are sick, and when we leave those environments often times we repeat the behaviors that we once did. So you must be aware of what you are treating others like and how you are treating yourself because you will never be able to give until you are full.

3. Speak Up: If you have not sought any type of counseling, I would strongly encourage it. My parents both used to say that I needed to be put in a psyc ward after I asked them about what an asylum was. I often wish that they did, because I would have not had to go through the amount of reprogramming as an adult as I am now. If you have access to a counselor go and see someone. Talk to someone about it, do the right thing for yourself for once.

4. Gain An Amazing Support System: I can not speak this enough, make sure that you are aware of the people around you. Your brain and your support system is probably more important than your job. I say this because your support system is going to carry you through the week and help you find purpose.

5. Be Aware of Not Making Excuses for People: When I first started managing people, for some reason I had a sense of pride in being able to bring out the best in people that didn't work out better anywhere else. Although I was successful at it, it is exhausting. When people are late consistently, they are obviously not making something that needs to be a priority a priority. When they consistently eat poor foods, and they know the effects of the foods, sometimes you have to ask yourself - Can I have my time better suited? If the answer is yes, then you need to cut your losses and make sure that you do your best as a leader.

Before I go, I want you to remember two things. You can not control others and you can only control yourself.

That's all I have, if you guys have more questions about being successful after being around substance abuse DM me!

[3lc3lc3lc]

IT HAPPENED

well folks, a couple weeks back, I got to talk to the one and only Lana Del Rey for Billboard’s 2017 #1s issue. the version that appears in print is quite abbreviated, so I thought I would publish the full transcript for your viewing pleasure. (I left out the part at the end when I asked her for advice about getting over a toxic break-up; you’ll just have to use your imagination with that one.)

MG: How has this year been for you? You’ve had all these great career highs, but at the same time, at least personally, it’s hard not to feel a bit beaten down by the world...

LDR: Yea. Yea, I can see that. I try and take different approaches to how I see things every day. Because I guess if you just watched the news only, and didn’t have your own perspective, it would be hard to get through the day. But I really like the Leonard Coen quote: “There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” I feel like this is the year where we’re seeing a lot of cracks—all the cracks that have been there forever. But the blessing in all of these things that have been coming out is that we get to shine a lot of light on the problems that have been in society for a long time, and hopefully fix them. So that’s something I like to hold on to, and it makes me feel excited, actually. Because it feels like it’s happening fast.

It’s funny because, leading up to Lust for Life, a lot of people were like: “Oh my god, Lana is smiling! This is going to be her happy album!” And definitely there’s a shift that seems significant, but I don’t know if “happy” is the word I would use. How do you feel about that?

I think maybe a good word to use would be more present—less from the outside looking in, and sort of a more integrated perspective lyrically. Like, it’s not just about love, or feeling disappointed, it’s also about being in LA, cause that’s where I live, and thinking about... You know, like a song “When the World Was At War We Kept Dancing,” and the lyric is, “Is it the end of an era? Is it the end of America?”, kind of like we were saying earlier. I was thinking about things that are broader than just my relationships, which was nice for me. Probably nice for the fans, too—a little bit of a reprieve.

Starting off with a blank slate, did you have some idea that these were things you wanted to express, that this was going to be a more integrated perspective, or was that just kind of where the songs took you?

Well, I think I started writing the record in the reverse order that the tracklisting is in now. So I started with the more... I don’t know how to describe them. I don’t wanna use the word “negative.” But we’ll say, I started writing the darker songs first. “Heroine,” “Get Free,” and then I kept “13 Beaches” at the front of the tracklisting. I had a lot of songs where I was trying to state my intentions of what I wanted; in “Get Free,” I wanted to move forward, I wanted to feel differently. “Heroine” I was thinking about some stuff that had happened in the past. And then “13 Beaches,” I was lamenting over the fact that it took me that many beaches to find a quiet one to just chill out at. So I had to get through all of my complaining [laughs]. And then once I got to be cathartic in that way, I thought: Alright, now I want to invite my friends in. I want The Weeknd to come in and be on a track, and [A$AP] Rocky’s so cool, I want him to be on a track. Obviously, the election was happening halfway through my writing process, and I was thinking about the election, and I wrote four songs that didn’t end up going on the record that were a little more politically oriented. I didn’t end up using those, but “When the World Was At War We Kept Dancing” and “God Bless America (And All The Beautiful Women In It),” we kept on the record. So i was sort of just letting the process happen to me as I was moving through the election—and also just working through my personal life, which has been... very balanced. That’s all the little things that culminated into the body of work.

It’s interesting because we seem to have reached this point of cultural urgency that extends even to pop music—not to say that your music is necessarily pop music, but some people would put you there. And sometimes that works quite well, and other times it’s like, ugh, swing and a miss! [Lana starts laughing] And when “Coachella / Woodstock In My Mind” came out, I think it caught people off-guard—like, wait, Lana Del Rey is getting woke? It could’ve gone so wrong, but you pulled it off completely!

[Laughs] I know what you mean. But everybody has a different level of emotional depth that they draw from, and you know, I didn’t always choose to draw from—you know, that’s not true, actually. I was always drawing from my deeper writing well the best that I could. But I was just in a different place. I know what you mean, though, it can go so badly. It can go so wrong. But I actually was never worried. I’m never really worried about whether I can pull off a sentiment, because I know if I’m even trying to write it, I’ll eventually finesse the language and the mood of it in a way that feels comfortable to me. Because I know if it sounds comfortable to me, it’s gonna be comfortable for the fans. It would never be something that like, reads in a weird way. I mean, I really trust my writing voice so much—even more than my decision-making voice.

You’re really good at knowing, like: Sometimes things need to be subtle, and sometimes symbolic, and then sometimes need to be really on-the-nose because that’s just what the situation calls for.

Yea, I think that’s true.

It’s also interesting that Lust for Life felt so suited to the madness of 2017, but it also was very soothing. It sort of absorbed the madness and metabolized it into something that was transportive, even as it reached out into the world. And that was nice, because it wasn’t just like, “Oh, we’re fucked man!”

I love the way you just described that—“metabolizing” something. My version of that word is “integrating” it, and processing it. Like, I take so much time for myself to think, and to meditate, and to talk to people I really trust about what they think, so I’ve got a lot of perspective that’s wound up into my own. And that really helps me to have a balanced view on everything. I mean, even though overall, it’s pretty dramatic. Even in L.A. right now, with the fires, and in Sonoma up north. And the earthquakes and everything—it’s a lot! But, I don’t know, I just have this really strong instinct that it’s all leading in a much-needed, different direction, that hopefully we’re all leaning into. It’s like a really hard turn to make, because we’ve got all these weird societal norms we’ve gotta break out of, and we’ve been stuck in them.

Yea, I guess it requires chaos to shake out of that.

Apparently! It’s pretty weird, but I feel like it’s not a coincidence. It feels a little bit like a movie.

I wondered about the process of getting inspired for you. Because some artists get inspired by going out in the world and feeding off energy, and then others are able to create by removing themselves from that noise and creating their own space where they feel comfortable. So I wondered where you sat on this spectrum.

Mm, that’s a good question. I think my most important thing has been just trusting what I want to do every day, even if it’s different. If I wake up and I have plans to do one thing, but I really feel like I’d rather drive six hours north to San Francisco to visit a friend for no reason, I just kind of don’t second-guess it and I go. Spontaneity, that’s a big thing for me. But that being said, still having a place I like to call home, even though I travel a lot. And for me, I don’t really like to write when I’m upset. I don’t really like sharing those thoughts until I’m all the way through them. So I don’t really feel inspired by heartbreak, and I don’t even necessarily feel inspired by something super exciting. I think I’m just inspired when I’m doing whatever feels right in the moment—when I’m really in the flow.

I’ve always been a little jealous of people who can make art out of depression or grief. Because for me, that’s when I’m non-functional.

I’m non-functional, too. That’s when I don’t really wanna do anything. I definitely don’t want to make an amazing song.

Yea, that’s when art as a priority kind of just falls away for me.

I don’t know how people do that. Those must be people who function really well in high crisis situations. Which I don’t.

Going back to “Get Free” for a second: I think it’s interesting you felt like you were getting out negative feelings on that song, because... well, that song always makes me cry, but not quite in a sad way. It’s more overwhelming, because when you sing “Finally, I’m crossing the threshold,” it feels like that moment of change where you don’t know yet what’s going to be on the other side of it, because it’s happening to you, and you’re in it. The album itself almost feels like a document of change—it’s not like at the end of the album, it’s like, “Well, this is the lesson learned...”

Which is how I thought it was gonna be! I thought it was gonna be that way.

Do you have any perspective now on, when you say you’re crossing this threshold, what was on the other side?

Okay, so “crossing the threshold” was actually a reference to this little concept, or diagram, that’s called “The Hero’s Journey.” This writer, Joseph Campbell, came up with this little model. And it’s all about this character who has a lot of trouble at the beginning of the story, and then somewhere in the middle of the story, crosses the threshold to sort of face the monster, or the challenger, and in the end hopefully emerges triumphant once he’s beaten the bad guy or whatever. And I had been talking about that with my engineer, and I thought: I don’t usually use metaphors, but I loved the line “crossing the threshold,” and I wanted to bring it into that song I’d already started writing. So I changed those first few lines, so that woven in would be the idea of the hero’s journey. Because I really liked the idea of changing your own past. I think that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t really know if I had control over doing that for a long time, and yea, I didn’t know what would be on the other side of me making a couple of really strong personal decisions and statement. Even just using my own voice to talk about stuff, that was different from “Love.” And I didn’t really know how the whole thing would go. But I liked so much that it would be my authentic voice at the time, so I just decided that to write what I was feeling was important enough to cross that threshold in the music. It’s kind of hard for me to explain, because there’s so many different levels to it: like, I’m making literary allusions, but I’m also really trying to make changes in my own life. It’s hard to articulate it eloquently!

“Love” was what I wanted to ask you about next. First, just the title, because you know, you’ve got this reputation for mystery and melancholy and then suddenly it’s like, boom, LOVE! The most direct, unmysterious title. Was there some significance to you in the directness of that?

Yea. It didn’t start off as “Love.” It started as “Young & In Love,” but I didn’t really like that title, because that wasn’t even the point of the song. I could have gone back and edited the song as well, but I liked how the whole thing sounded, so I didn’t. Then I worked with Sean Lennon, and you know, that Lennon legacy is so tied into that one word. So I just thought, you know what? I just wanna go for it. The whole record is pointing its own little nose in that direction, between like, Stevie Nicks, and Sean Lennon, and “Lust For Life,” and “Love”... It felt like once I got through the chaos of making all these little personal statements that I had to almost delete from the music and then put back in, I was ready to say that what I’m getting at is, like so many singers in the past: it’s all about love! And obviously it’s about more than that. It is about more than that. But what you said about being on the nose sometimes—I liked that it was pretty literal, and it felt nice and comfortable to not necessarily have layers to all of the singles. That one and “Lust for Life” were similar in that they were kind of just about having fun. Even if you don’t have anywhere to go, well, so what, just get dressed up and go anyways.

Sometimes that line [“You get ready, you get all dressed up / To go nowhere in particular”] kinda made me sad, too, though!

I’ve heard that!

I sometimes heard it as, you know, you get dressed up and you don’t have anywhere to go, and you maybe made these plans that didn’t turn out.

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Which is funny, because when I was 20 and writing little folk songs, I had a lot of that line, “All dressed up with nowhere to go.” But sometimes my lines end up slipping on themselves, and I feel differently about them once I’ve got some perspective on them. But I think I was thinking... you know, you don’t need hundreds of friends to have something fun to do, you know? You can have fun by yourself. It was more about just feeling a lot of love whether you’re alone, or you’re with someone. You don’t have to have a party to go to. But I know everyone interpets it in their own way. I read one review that was like, “Well, this is depressing.” And I was like, “Fuck, really? Another depressing song?” [Laughs] You can’t get it there all the way sometimes, you can’t get the message exactly the way you want it. But I think because of the production and the melody, I can also feel the melancholia. And maybe, on some level, I was feeling like, “Fuck, I’ve got nowhere to go.” I don’t remember thinking that when I was writing it, but probably there’s a little of that in there. Who knows!

I wondered if you cared about... You know, this album has singles, and that’s more than could be said of Honeymoon to begin with... [Lana starts laughing] No, I totally don’t mean that in a negative way, I adore Honeymoon!

No, it’s just funny! It’s funny.

Do you think, like, okay, this song’s gonna be the single, and we’re gonna push it like so? Or is that just the shit that happens later?

That’s like, what John Janick says. He’ll say, “Oh I love this song, I want this to be the single.” And if I like it, well, then I’ll say okay. But not with a record like Honeymoon. With a record like Honeymoon, he’s like... Have fun! Because that’s just, you know, kind of like a vanity project. I mean, in a good way. Like, a project just for you. With this one— first of all, I love everybody at my label. But John and the guys I work with loved “Love,” and they loved “Lust For Life.” So those were really the only two singles that we thought about, and I’m kind of doing air quotes with “singles” alone in my room right now. What that means for us, at this point, is just that the song’s gonna get a video. So it’s kind of different for us than it is for other people. It usually means, like, there’s a feature on it or there’s gonna be a video, or maybe I’ll sing it on the radio if I do, like, a thing with KROQ. My label’s pretty good about not having too many expectations. I guess I felt like, if one song was going to go further than the other ones, I thought it was “Love,” and I think I was right about that. That’s the one people will remember if they’re just a casual listener—which is good, because I really like that song! Even if just one of the songs goes far, that’s kind of like an accomplishment, because there’s so much music out there. Even if one makes it to the radio, even if it’s indie or college radio or whatever.

Do you have expectations for your own records? When you finished writing the record, did you have any idea as to... what you thought it would do? Or if people would like it? Ugh, I don’t know how to phrase this question, do you know kind of what I’m saying?

Yea, I do. I did have expectations for the record. I wanted to see if it was going to be heard for what it was really saying, and overall, from what I read, it was interpreted correctly. Which is a good sign for me, because it means I’m not seeing things one way, and the culture is seeing things the other way. Which is bad—that means there’s some incongruence there. That means you need to check yourself, and I don’t wanna check myself. I wanna stay in the flow, keep writing. From what I read, I didn’t feel like anyone thought I was trying to make some mega-turn in the end, away from what I had done originally. It was just a slow advancement with a couple sparkly details in it. So that was good enough for me. And what’s cool is that I’m only just starting to tour next month. My records are very slow-burning for a long time, and sometimes... I remember with “Summertime Sadness,” that song didn’t even go on the radio until two years after the record came out. My songs always surprise me. Sometimes they find themselves in movies, or getting nominated for things, way after they’ve been out. So it’s pretty cool.

Yea, not to like, blow smoke up your ass, but with you in particular, it seems to take the culture as a whole a minute to catch up with you. And that’s true with each of your records, but with Lust for Life in particular, it feels like the moment that the culture has met you on your grounds.

Well, that’s a really cool way of looking at it. And when I think about it, maybe that’s because I’m ready, too. Maybe I needed a lot of time to just be me, all to myself, and just be weird. It’s easier when you’re in a mood to be more out there. And I don’t really know what makes that happen; maybe it’s just enough time making music. Who knows why timing works out the way it does? But I like that you said that, I think that’s cool. I really like this record; I think if this was the first record some people heard from me, I’d be really proud of that.

[edreamcatchers]

On pivoting

So I think I’m on the path to the “uber word” of the day - pivoting.

The strategy that I’m using may have been wildly popular for my coach with his team-building, but I’m starting to understand why. When I asked about whether I should be focusing on my customer avatar, he told me he failed with his first avatar and that he finally struck gold with “already in network marketing for several years, earning less than xxx, and risk-takers.”

The missing ingredient for me is “risk takers.” Generally, people in my circles are those in the money trap: still firmly ensconced within, and kinda refusing to budge, actually. 

I’m looking from their perspective. If I had nothing but the money in my savings, I would be extremely risk-aversed too. And all they’ve ever known is the comfort zone of a 9-to-5. And they want back in, 40/40/40 or not. 

Today I had a few a-ha moments.

After VT’s webinar (he always gives such great actionable content), I decided I had to switch gears. They don’t want to know about the comp plan bla bla bla.  When I asked for feedback, I was told the 4 customer type calculations was confusing because numbers was not their strong suit. VT spends almost half the entire presentation time on storytelling (building credibility & trust).

So the money angle didn’t work on those who needed the money desperately. They don’t see the credibility and they don’t trust. It’s just what you’re claiming, you have no proof it works.

No matter how good it looks, it’s just on paper. And even though they may admit the potential is there... they won’t bite.

Although it seems almost counter-intuitive -- “you don’t have a job, you have very little savings, and you’re not able to find a new job - don’t you want to earn ridiculous amounts of money?” But I totally understand it. Those in desperation will certainly be in denial and self-pity. 

1. Very little savings - got to make it last till I find my next job.

2. Can’t find new job - I’m sure someday I will.

3, Ridiculous amounts of money - I don’t believe I can / too good to be true.

So VT said - you have to make it as risk-free as possible.

In mulling this briefly, today, I came up with 1 possible way - to let them “tag along” and pretend to do the business, with the tools I’m giving them, and show them that conversion is a real thing.

So I have to get my own system to work first. Obviously, my so-called proven system has not even been able to convert the jobless/financially troubled. 

I’m going to go with VT’s system now - storytelling to build credibility and trust.

It needs to move away from the money aspect because (and this is another a-ha moment I had today) the $$$ is the “sleazy” part about MLMs. People are scared of it because they don’t want to be sleazy and sell to their friends for their OWN benefit. It’s one thing to wax lyrical about your favourite chicken rice stall, but oh-so-humiliating to sell an obviously good product that has been shown to help even people with serious diseases! So I have to take the “selling”out of the equation. I have to be really creative about it - how do you take the selling out of marketing?

AND to test my skills even more -- it needs to be duplicable!

Wooh! I have my work cut out for me.

Another a-ha moment -- why the heck am I putting so much effort to learn all this stuff to do network marketing, when I could just start a business selling my teaching skills or writing skills or whatever?

And I reminded myself -- it’s because this is the best way to help others in financial difficulties. I believe this!! And so I will persevere. 

I won’t give up because so many people can benefit from this, if I could come up with a system that sells without “selling.” The only way I can see is to come from the “save the world / worthy cause” perspective. I may need to revisit my archetype. I chose adventurer at first, but I think maybe evangelist may be more suitable. 

Time to go back to the drawing board, and I’m going to hold off any biz opp presentations till I figure something out. T wants us to move ahead with conversion events, and for me he recommended a truncated 1-on-1, and I also think 1-on-1s may be the way to go too. But maybe not exactly in the way he has taught us. 

I’m going to work on the lead magnet, and on Instagram (signed up for Kat Coroy’s course and just the brand soul essence stuff is worth the price of the whole course because it clarifies my stand and I’m able to draw from my “true names” so much more effectively).

Her course is 6 weeks long, and I’m so thankful to God that S is able to work and give me time to work this out.

[bffhreprise]

Entry 196

 James seemed tense lately, and I wasn’t completely sure why.  My best guess involved Alma being mad over James taking Portentia on a date, though most of what Portentia had told me didn’t seem too date-like, at least not for normal people.

 Smiled and hugging whichever of the twins was next to me, I couldn’t say anyone around here was particularly normal.  My girlfriends practically shared their brains, Portentia seemed immortal, and Alma made the first three seem very human.  I really, really wished I could take Ai and Mai to the Intergalactic House of Awesome Sauce, but their family wouldn’t permit it.  At least, that’s what I gathered from their excuses.

 Portentia’s description of the restaurant’s latest outlandish decor was incredible.  How did they manage to make an enormous beach inside of a restaurant?  I understood the technology involved in generating waves and creating a breeze, but making the walls seem endless was quite a feat.  I could probably pull it off reasonably well for a single person with the right equipment and software, but getting the perspective right for multiple pairs of eyes was trickier.

 I also didn’t understand how the restaurant could afford to have such an elaborate setup per group of patrons.  Portentia hadn’t seen anyone else in the restaurant, so the room had to be subdivided in some manner.  Even if the floor could open to allow for a realistic ocean swim, how did James and Portentia never reach a wall?

 “James, are you coming to see me off?” asked Duncan, bringing me out of my thoughts.

 Smiling, James said, “Of course.  I’d feel remiss as a host if I did not.  I only wish I could have been more successful in protecting you from your sisters during your stay.”

 “If you learn that trick, I would be grateful for you to share.” replied Duncan with a laugh.

 “I’d appreciate learning that one as well.” I teased, earning me an elbow to the gut from the girl under my arm.

 I would actually miss having Duncan around.  Having him here really helped me learn more of Ai and Mai’s family and traditions.  Plus, I was able to see a different side of them.  I was a little concerned over Duncan’s joy of visiting the fey, not that anyone wouldn’t enjoy seeing the creatures.  I simply worried that Duncan was studying them more than simply playing.  As much as I grew to enjoy his company, I still couldn’t entirely trust him.

 “Be sure to give mother-dear our gifts, nii-san.” ordered the girl I hugged.

 “We’d hate a repeat of two years ago.” insisted the other.

 Duncan grimaced as he said, “That was two years ago, and I’ve told you that someone had moved the gift!”

 I was careful not to roll my eyes.  Ai and Mai had probably set him up.  They did seem to care about their brother, but he was often on the receiving end of their pranks.  We all followed as James and Alma led the way outside, but Ai and Mai continued poking fun at Duncan.

 “Must she come too?” asked Alma.

 “You know she doesn’t really listen to me.” explained James as he watched the little fairy land on his shoulder.

 “I know, but I still feel you should work to fix the situation.  She’s no less dangerous now than she was when I first warned against letting her off the grounds.  Aaliyah is quite obviously capable of helping you if you simply ask.” she suggested.

 I sometimes worried that Alma was going to break James’ hand on accident one of these days.  She was far too strong for anyone’s good.

 Shrugging, James said, “I don’t doubt that she’s capable, but she seems amused by the situation.  Have you ever attempted to convince Aaliyah to end something that amuses her?”

 “Perhaps you do have a point.  Still, you could at least try to act like her boss for once and assign her a task.” she insisted.

 James laughed before saying, “Sorry, but I really doubt her contract with me actually gives me any sort of authority.  Care to look over it sometime?  I’d take at least a year to read through the thing even if I had the time.”

 Alma didn’t argue further, and I wondered again about the relationship between her and Aaliyah.  I considered Alma’s temper legendary, but Aaliyah felt no qualms about teasing her mercilessly.  What did Aaliyah have over her that somehow kept Alma from losing her cool?

 The drive to the airport remained as chatty as ever, though Duncan just had to bring up the forest and the fey.  He was borderline obsessed with them.  Again, I couldn’t blame him.  The creatures were remarkable, and knowing that one was Emma’s ancestor was fascinating for me.  Their genetics could hold the key to magic itself, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with Duncan’s immediate family being the ones to discover that key anymore than I would be with Alma doing the same.  There were too many hidden agendas that had nothing to do with the betterment of humanity.

 I was amused when we entered the airport.  The limousine received some looks, but our group received even more.  James always received attention, and Alma’s inhuman presence was guaranteed to cause a stir.  That was inevitable, but I was used to being James’ shadow more than in the spotlight with him.  Having Ai and Mai each holding an arm did draw attention.  They were intelligent, funny, and incredibly beautiful, so they always drew people’s eyes.  Duncan surely caught the eye of plenty himself.  When not speaking with Alma, he had an air of importance about him, and he looked wealthy with all of his fine suits.  I’d wager most girls found him attractive.  Frowning, I realized that I probably would have to order more suits for myself to satisfy the twins.

 After a great many well-wishings and goodbyes, Duncan departed, and I wondered if I’d see him again before marrying into the family.  Unfortunately, that would rely on his mother’s mood.  Between Duncan and his sisters, I learned much of what dealing with Izumi would be like.  She was an unbending, overbearing woman with a cutthroat take on business.  I hoped the twins wouldn’t want to visit her much in the future.

 “Would any of you protest a trip to the theme park?” inquired Alma as we walked to the car.  When no one spoke up, she said, “Excellent.  Let’s have some fun.”

 Ai and Mai seemed as confused by the sudden request as I was, falling to silence as we followed Alma and James.  I really wished I could join in on the telepathic conversation they surely were having.  Even with their ability limited to each other, it was incredible.  Feeling what the other one felt wouldn’t always be so pleasant though.

 Once we were in the car, Alma asked “Why are you so tense, James?”

 “Oh boy.  You’re not remembering that time Michael lost his lunch, are you?” I teased.

 He laughed and said, “No.  I had blissfully forgotten all about that.  Thanks so much for reminding me.”

 “Were you next to him?” asked the girl on my left with a big grin.

 “No, thankfully.” he replied with a shake of his head.  “I did find him some new clothes though.”

 Laughing, I said, “Yeah.  James couldn’t get out of there fast enough after being stuck for five minutes in a cart with three girls from some other school.”

 James rolled his eyes, still smiling, but the smile didn’t seem quite real.  Something was eating at him, and I wished we were alone for him to tell me what.  All I could do was hope that he was worrying over something silly again.  If something serious was bothering James, we’d all be involved soon.

[musiccosmosru]

As you all know by now I’m not the easiest person to love.

I require a lot of hard work, patience and effort.

I’m needy, overly emotional and Scorpio in every sense. I have Libra and Gemini in my chart too so………..yeah. Drama to say the least.

But my new found understanding of the human psyche has helped me gain so much perspective on the core fundamentals of a healthy mind resulting in a healthy body.

Our minds and body let us know in so many various ways your Soul is hurting and we don’t even realize it.

For one, the sadder you are the more you sleep.

Secondly when your sad or depressed you’re likely to get colds and flus.

When your sad or depressed you can become impatient, snippy and frustrated.

Heavy period, no period, constipation, diarrhea, etc…..

Headaches, nausea, sore tummy, feeling like your stomach is in knots, tense muscles, loss of appetite etc…..all indicators of neglected mental health.

Because the phyiscal is connected to the psychological or left brain, as well as the conscious or right brain/ higher self.

The light inside us starts in our tummy and goes up through our head if you want a visual.

You can’t have one without tuther.

If one goes, the rest follow suit.

Now……I ALWAYS say find a positive in ever negative.

Turn hurdles into stepping stones.

I’m a great motivator for others because I believe in order to advice with the best of our ability an Empathic Pathwalker must know the pain with which they are to heal.

Only when you know the pain can you show someone how to survive it.

My life has been hard. Not as hard as some but emotionally and mentally it’s been brutal.

I truly believe if I wasn’t Scorpio, I wouldn’t have come out of a lot of my life relative stable considering.

The truth is. I’m not perfect and I too have my days.

My relationship circumstances aren’t easy and because I love with the intensity of a million sun’s I’m finding not having daily phone contact with my husband difficult.

The phone company have caused months of stress for many of us international wives and now I’ve had to get the FCC involved because the phone company are just lying through their teeth in an attempt to force me to use the most expensive premium phone line which is against FCC regulations.

I’ve tried going to the Attorney General, Justice Department, Prison Advocacy groups, BBB, etc….and the only ones to step in are the FCC, BBB and Justice Department but it’s been three months of pure stress.

To go 2 1/2yrs with daily contact with my man who is locked up in prison in NY to none whatsoever has been stressful to say the least.

But then something happened which changed everything for me and it helped me change my perspective.

My son’s and friends stepped in and saved me from myself and now I’m refocused and back on track in less than a few hours.

You see my phone company lied to me about being able to accept calls from my husband at a really good collect call rate if I changed my contract.

I thought there was hope coming.

Then I found out they were just trying to get me signing a new contract.

I was so close but I knew in my gut they were having me on so I didn’t get too excited but I had a glimmer of hope and when it was dashed it hit me but not too hard.

I now have a way to get my phone back but not without some effort.

I was just exhausted from it.

The first thing that happened after I lay down to sleep (because I was exhausted from being on the phone all day trying to sort this out) my friends can and rallied around me and they immediately jumped in and started being strong for me.

People who immediately said “Your here for me so I’m here for you”

Two of them took me under each arm and held my pathetic self up and it made me see the bigger picture.

Now…. obviously I know it’s not the end of the world and instead of seeing the phone as a challenge I’m seeing it as a goal.

I’ll still save a lot of money compared to what I was paying and I’ll get to talk to my husband again.

He can sit his exams again and help me with my work and stuff because he helps me make career decisions as well as he’s supportive of my eldest who’s started puberty young

My boys and I made up a game.

Its really fun. We choose an overlord or God type character who has specific weapons or powers and we draw them on the A5 sheet of paper then we use our powers or weapons to take turns attacking each other to do battle with each other with pencils and erasers.

The other two decide how many damage points the one attacked takes and the power bar goes down accordingly.

They came in after I lay down because I couldn’t stomach food and started making me play.

I was the Foot of Truth. I’m the size of 10 suns and I stood in a huge poo and stomped all over them lol at one point I had a pedicure and used a pumas stone to grate away the dead skin on them.

It was funny lol the looks on their faces was priceless lol

I got defeated by being forced to step in Lego.

But they knew how to take my mind off it.

Instinctively they knew if they took my mind off it, it would soothe me.

Then my friends came from Australia and the US and there they were.

Within an hour I was feeling so much better it gave me the determination to do what has to be done in order to get the phone back.

It shows me that it’s not just what your going through that matters but who is with you when your going through it because if you have the wrong people around you it can not only draw out the depression but it can exacerbate the situation making it far worse than it ever needed to be.

My friends made me see it in a “but you get your phone back and you’ll still save so much money and when you hear his phone again imagine how good it will feel” kind of way and they are right.

That’s why it’s so important to have people who validate you and support you.

I’m lucky in that all the women in my life are Empaths now.

We’re all a bit nuts but loving and loyal.

We don’t have conversions like normal women.

Its deeper and more “for the sake of the whole not the individual” kind of collective.

Good friends matter to your mental state.

They are the ones who if I was where they are they’d crawl into my bed with a packed bowl, Chipotle, Netflix and a stupid story to make me laugh.

I very nearly have my own version of Friends. We just aren’t in the same city……..yet.

I’d be Chandler lol I love Chandler. My husband would be Monica hahaha hahaha he’s bossy lol

But I’m telling you this because I said to you the other day depression can be caused by not just events but the absorption of the energy of those around them and not know it.

If you have friends or family who make you feel worse and who support your pain, they are friends who may actually be some of the cause of your misery.

Friends aren’t supposed to support your misery they are to take you out of it.

Yes they hold you up when you are down but they’re also raising you up to see the better view from the lower vantage point you had previous to them kicking your door down to let themselves in.

Why they are friends matters just as much as who they are as friends.

Because in actuality your mental wellbeing and in turn your phyiscal wellbeing will depend on it.

It took me 43yrs but I’m now surrounded by four of the most incredible women and two of the most loyal men a person could ask for.

They have stood in battle with me while I fought those around me who tried to stop me, as well as the greater struggle which was the battle of me finding me to be the fucking delight you see before you today.

I’ve spent the last 2yrs working on myself as a guinea pig to prove my work right and that has required so much psychoanalysing and introspective contemplation, as well as taking personal responsibility and forced self improvement in my life and dealing with me hadn’t been easy because on top of that I’m emotional.

So I go deep in thought for hours and needs space. I need sounding boards to bounce theories off, so I require patience while I work things out in my head.

I can appear antisocial. I always need time alone. I always need to think and my friends are exactly the same but how quick do they jump when I need them.

Its hard to take it all in just how selfless these people are.

I’ve got fans and followers who know I can’t work technology finding 100 different ways to reach out to show support and love.

My work isn’t easy but it’s the best job in the world. I had to invent a Science to understand my gift in a way that made sense to me. I’m not educated. I can’t do maths so learning physics through music requires a ton of attention being paid to the visual and phyiscal messages I’m shown to learn it.

I then had to learn psychology in a way that made sense to what I was being shown and when I started this blog and indeed my Spiritual journey as a Pathwalker in my teens I had no idea talking to dead people would result in me denouncing my religion and belief in the Paranormal as fact.

The things I’ve had to learn the truth about has been fucking hard to deal with because I knew as soon as I made my synopsis public it would be controversial.

To say Ghost are time bends and the voices in your head and paranormal experiences are psychological created and manifested spits in the face of centuries of belief and a multi trillion dollar industry.

The damage I’m doing to people’s egos and reputations will be felt for decades and I had to think very carefully how I was going to present it in such a way that makes people see it’s all wrong in a way that makes sure the dead can never be exploited for fame or money again.

As well as dealing with my kiddies. The kids who have been dobbing on all the bad people. Having to see, know and feel their trauma and sharing that with the world, divorce, financial strain and weight loss, it’s all been one hell of a 2yrs.

But it’s all been welcomed and I’m grateful for every single experience.

Because when you have good friends, when the people in your life truly love you they are half the reason you face the challenges head on regardless and in spite of anything else you are to them or to yourself.

Because they turn your battles into tasks, your hardships into annoyances and hitting the lows into a challenge to climb out of rock bottom.

They are the stalk to your flower. They lift you beyond the dirt and hold your head into the sun not push you further into the dirt.

Please don’t tell my husband he’s Monica lol

Who you have in your life is imperative to good mental health because they quite literally and figuratively are going to be the difference between whether you survive the stress or not.

A person who feels lonely surrounded by friends doesn’t have friends if they lonely.

A friend knows.

Attraction is magnetic and not just sexual and a friend instinctively knows when something is wrong and will even more instinctively know what to say or do to make it right.

My friends know I’m not the glass is half full kind of girl.

I’m not gloomy. My glass in half empty because I enjoyed drinking the milk and if I spill my milk and start crying over it they help me mop it up.

Unless your Alyce. She’d bring 2 chocolate straws and get down on the floor with me.

We all need friends who bring chocolate straws to your spilt milk pity party who will tell you it’s not spilt milk, it’s cow boob juice.

Because without them your milk curdles and life tastes sour.

Good friends are like milk.

If they good for you they help you grow tough and strong who helps you see life as drinking chocolate cow boob juice.

If they wrong for you, life is sour, lumpy and hurts your tummy resulting in a different kind of brown milk that you really wouldn’t want to drink with a straw lol

Well…..I mean feltching could be your thing but it’s not for me lol

If your gonna Google it be warned lol

So do yourself a favour. If your going through something and your alone with friends. It is better to be alone with no friends than be alone with friends who say they are but aren’t.

Its called a friend ship.

You sail the ship on your journey together. You row together, you steer together, you weather the storm together, you repair the damaged sails together, you see the horizon together.

You set your sail together and follow the compass.

Which makes the unknown waters less frightening when your doing it with people who see the storm and help you hunker down and battern the hatches.

I have had the most enlightening 2 weeks of my life and had I not had my friend’s and boys around me…..I wouldn’t be here telling you how to look after yourself when the life’s chocolate bum milk hits the fan.

Out of shit grows roses.

In my case it’s now fertilizer that has grown a beautiful garden of roses.

I wish you could all feel how I feel.

Its an empty feeling. As in no mental stress, no heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach I used to have.

When I had stress around other friends it was made worse. It ate me like an ulcer in my soul.

I’ll be honest. I don’t trust people now because of friends like them I had.

I make my ACTUAL friends work ten times harder which isn’t fair on them but it’s never hard for them. They just don’t care when I’m in Me mode. It just doesn’t phase them.

They love me. A couple are a little corrupting of me if I’m honest.

You can tell from my personality I’m quite innocent and I wouldn’t say virginal in purity or demeanor but I’d say I’m pretty close to it and these two corrupt me in all kinds of ways.

In my clan Spiritual doesn’t mean well behaved and I’m very easily led.

Lol

In the words of Carole King and James Taylor

When you’re down and troubled And you need a helping hand And nothing, oh, nothing is going right Just close your eyes and think of me And soon I will be there To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name And, you know, wherever I am I’ll come running (oh yeah, baby) To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall All you’ve got to do is call And I’ll be there, (yeah yeah yeah) You’ve got a friend

If the sky above you Should turn dark and full of clouds And that old north wind should begin to blow

Keep your head together And call my name out loud now Soon I’ll be knocking upon your door

You just call out my name And, you know, wherever I am I’ll come running (Oh, yes I will) To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall All you’ve got to do is call And I’ll be there, yeah yes

Ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend When people can be so cold? They’ll hurt you and desert you Well, they’ll take your soul if you let them Oh, but don’t you let them

You just call out my name And, you know, wherever I am I’ll come running To see you again (Oh baby don’t you know ’bout) Winter, spring, summer or fall (Hey Now) All you’ve got to do is call Lord I’ll be there, yes I will You’ve got a friend You’ve got a friend

Song Discussions is protected by U.S. Patent 9401941. Other patents pending. Good friends are worth writing songs for.

Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy soul.

Finding the balance is so important to the maintenance of all three and good friends and family are the scales.

I’ve written many posts about my wonderful friends this year and my life is now so full of an abundance of love and psychological clarity so what does that tell you?

That’s why I love my job. I help people figure this all out too and it’s making a huge difference to how people deal with stress in their life.

Because when you’ve lived it you know the pain and if your teaching it it means you survived it and are now the lighthouse guiding many ships to shore because of it.

That’s the beauty of my life.

My shit helps other roses grow.

Yaaaay im the poo of life to many hahaha wait……what?

I love you all.

I love you for reasons I can’t even put into words. The fact I used fecal matter as an analogy to describe our relationship proves this fact really.

But I’m grateful for every single one of you.

You make me a better person despite life and the people in it trying to prove otherwise.

Your all I ever wanted but never thought was real. Your all I ever dreamt of but never thought I deserved.

Your all I ever needed but didn’t know I needed at the time. Until now….now I’m all the needed lol

So……

Question is, who’s Joey, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel? Lol I know who they are but I want to see if they know who they are and if they’ll be honest about it lol

When I move to NY…..we need to find a Cafe. Lol

And we don’t have a smelly cat but we’ve got a cat who goes poofy at soda and apples.

We call him Fatty Ten Pies. Can that be a song? Lol

This post was written in honour of my friends.

Thanks for being the ones to never make me walk the plank or for jumping in to save me when I was.

Live, Laugh, Love ie Mind, Body, Soul.

They’re the signs and indicators of whether your getting it right.

If any of these are off balance you need to weigh up and remeasure what’s on your scales.

You owe it to yourself because your the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions if you don’t.

You choose what happens next but your friends are great at helping you change perspective.

So choose wisely and see how different stress can be around the right people.

Your mind, body and soul will thank you for it.

Xox

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The post How Having The Right Friends To Change Your Perspective Helps Change Your Mind appeared first on MusicCosmoS.