#i just deleted the other post because i couldn't edit it when i noticed it and it was bothering me

[uspiria]

Suicide Club (2001) dir. Sion Sono

[captainreecejames]

Tale As Old As Time || My Ex is a Footballer OB38 Edition

links [masterlist] [my ex series masterlist]

summary you have a best friend and a boyfriend, too bad you're in love with the wrong one

pairings ex!cole palmer x reader, ollie bearman x reader

warnings cursing, hate to yn,

notes this was born because i realized that I hadn't written the classic friends to lover trope so here you guys go! also the next one will be george because I've had that one in the drafts forEVER so I want to get it out there for everyone!

july 2023

september 2023

liked by kimiantonelli, olliebearman and others

ynusername Ollie that's 3 wins this season!!! I'm so freaking proud of you but here's a reminder of what you looked like to keep you level headed

olliebearman did you really need to post that last one? ↳ ynusername yes bearboy

kimiantonelli 😃😃 ↳ ynusername be careful kimi

username1 ugh, i love their friendship! ↳ username2 yeah... friendship ↳ username1 she's got a boyfriend that's not Ollie ↳ username2 doesn't mean she isn't in love with ollie and playing with the new guys feelings

December 2023

ynusername posted a story -------

ynusername posted ------

liked by olliebearman, bsfinstagram and others

ynusername dates out with you

username11 so she goes out with ollie the night before and now her man... yn they could never make me like you ↳ username12 for real!!! that was clearly a date with ollie last night so she had to post with this mystery man

olliebearman does cole let you win like me? ↳ colepalmer nah mate ↳ colepalmer oh fuck ↳ olliebearman oh fuck ↳ ynusername you both are idiots

username13 COLE PALMER IS DATING YN LN????? ↳ username14 did not have that on my bingo card for 2023 ↳ username13 seriously does she go around collecting sports prodigies?

username15 wait, ollie lets her win in chess? (pouty face) ↳ username16 ollie bearman plays chess????? ↳ olliebearman only with yn ↳ ynusername and contrary to popular belief he only let me win once

username17 not ollie exposing yn and cole ↳ username18 and cole had to really back it up by commenting ↳ username17 if Ollie had just deleted his comment none of this would have happened and we'd still be speculating

january 2024

ynusername posted a story -----

march 2024

ynusername posted -------

liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc and others

ynusername HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOUVE JUST HAD YOURR FIRAT FORMULA ONE RACE AND YOU SCORED POINTS! I'm so proud of you and this whirlwind of a weekend. Nowhere I'd rather be than supporting you here.

username20 oH MY GOD YN JUST ADMIT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM!! ↳ username21 that hand holding picture???? that is not just best friends i am sorry

olliebearman thank you so much for flying out on such short notice YN! ↳ ynusername you know i had to when you're dad called me!

charles_leclerc congrats again to ollie ↳ ynusername charles!! you were amazing as well

carlossainz55 where's my appreciation? ↳ ynusername thank you carlos for getting appendicitis and then needing it removed so ollie could make his f1 debut and also thank you for showing him around ↳ carlossainz55 you're welcome!

kimiantonelli well done to Ollie, and you yn for surviving that race ↳ ynusername it was hard but I had david with me to help ↳ kimiantonelli ahhh, love david

username22 she really flew out on saturday to be there? yn please

username23 need cole palmer to realize that she really doesn't care about him

June and July 2024

ynusername posted----

liked by premaracing, scuderiaferrari and others

ynusername monza!!!!! featuring some race winners and prema racing or one direction, couldn't be sure

username30 not yn being online enough to know about one direction prema racing>>>> ↳ ynusername i sent that tweet to ollie, it makes me laugh every time

username31 the hand heart??? yn we know what you are ↳ username32 yeah but also she loves charles so idc she can do no wrong now

username33 at least we know that her and cole aren't together anymore

username34 yn magnussen got a race ban!!! is ollie gonna take his seat? ↳ ynusername oh kmags, the fia is just silencing him cause he's too good

ynusername posted----

liked by haasf1team, nicohulkenberg and others

ynusername ollie once again I'm so proud of you! and back in the points as well! couldn't be prouder to call you my best friend and boyfriend

username40 WHAT THE FUCK WE GOT A OLLIEYN CONFIRMATION??

ynusername also you raced alongside lewis hamilton can you get me an autograph? username41 you know what?? she's part of cultLH and I'm gonna defend her forever now

ynusername shout out to kmags for the race ban but I'm gonna miss you next year

username42 OLLIE ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! olliebearman

olliebearman i love you yn, and I'll get you that lewis hat don't worry ynusername best fucking boyfriend ever

francolapinto LEWIS ↳ ynusername LEWIS!!!!! ↳ olliebearman LEWIS!!!!!!!!! ↳ username43 your honor i love them all

[little-tainted-angel]

๑ A secret between interlinked fingers.

Tim Drake x male!reader

Category: [Fluff/sfw/comical(?)]

Warnings: 5/5 bat-bros (Dick, Jason, Tim, Duke and Damian), male reader. Mention of Cassandra. 4/5 bat-bros don't believe Tim could go to therapy at all (I doubt any of them would). Reader uses Spanish pet names. May be too OOC.

Request: Yes / No | From: Anon.

«Hey! Could you please write Tim Drake x reader? Basically Tim is secretly dating a guy and they nostly hang out at school, his brother's get a bit too curious and listen in <3»

Note: My first request! Glad to have you here <3 I apologize if this isn't linked to your ask, Tumblr for some reason wouldn't let me edit it. I only had the options "delete" "program publication" and "post". Also, sorry this is short and if I got the characters personality wrong, I don't really know how to write Tim.

Resume: Tim and reader are dating, but they mostly just spend time in their school. His brothers got curious, and since all of them were raised by the world's best detective, is up to them to resolve the mystery that is Tim's relationship.

"I swear there's something strange in the kid's behavior," Jason muttered as he sat down on the couch, next to Damian while Duke was sitting on the other extreme. Dick was standing in front of them.

The four brothers (Cass also noticed, but Cass being Cass had already found out what it was), noticed that the brother —that was currently disappeared from the manor— had slight changes in his behavior.

It was sort of positive, they noticed. But they didn't know what caused it (therapy was discarded as an option by group agreement).

"Maybe he's self-improving for once?" Duke suggested, though he didn't sound convinced himself.

"TT. Doubt that Drake of all people could self-improve his pathetic self," Damian rolled his eyes.

"Damian, be nice," Dick sighed, looking at one of his baby brothers.

"Well, there must be a reason of why this small change." Jason crossed his arms.

"...And if we follow him to find out the reason?" Duke suggested.

"Wouldn't he notice?" Dick raised an eyebrow.

"It won't hurt giving it a try," he shrugged.

"I say we do it. What can end up wrong?" Jason pointed out.

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣🌸￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

"All of this is ridiculous," Damian murmured.

"You agreed to it Habibi," Jason hummed, making Damian click his tongue.

The brothers managed to follow Tim to his school. That was the moment they noticed a male getting closer to Tim with a smile.

You were a new addition, they quickly realized. As they had never seen you before with Tim. And Tim seemed at ease with you.

"A boy?" Dick said amused. "That's the cause for Tim's subtle change?"

Don't get him wrong, his baby brother can date whoever he wants. He was just surprised Tim changed because of someone else.

"Who is dumb enough to be interested in him?" Damian replied, clearly not believing what he was seeing.

"That guy we just saw, apparently," Duke hummed.

ﮩ٨ـ���ﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩ

"Everything okay, Amor?" You asked Tim, as he seemed to be slightly on edge.

"Yeah...I just feel like someone's watching me." Tim replied, sighing as he left his head rest on your shoulder. He was tired, you could tell.

You hummed softly as one hand came to brush his hair out of his face.

"When did you last slept?" You asked him, quietly enough for no one else to hear you.

Tim grumbled quietly, avoiding the question.

"Cariño, when did you last slept?" You asked again with a small sigh.

"...48 hours ago?"

"Tim."

"You asked."

"Do I have to drug you for you to sleep properly?" You murmured, gently massaging his scalp.

"Mmm....maybe," Tim replied back, closing his eyes as he left you touch his hair.

"What am I supposed to do with you, Amor?"

"Love me," Tim replied.

"I already do that, it's easy," you said amused.

Tim grumbled some sort of answer that you couldn't process.

"Yeah, you're definitely sleep deprived, Amor."

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

© Made by little-tainted-angel 2023

[masn-mount]

I know you haven't written in a bit and I know your requests aren't open but if this inspires you or for the future how about going to like a wedding with Mason. It's wedding season after all and it's all soft and idk you can take it anywhere you want! just a thought because I miss your writing sm xx

okaaaaay so here is something little! I'm actually nervous to post this because I haven't written anything in so so long but I'm happy to have something up even if it's short. I also haven't edited this because I would have just ended up deleting all of it so I hope there aren't too many mistakes. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. xx

You felt overwhelmed with love.

Maybe it was the occasion, a beautiful summer wedding in France would surely melt even the coldest of hearts. Maybe it was how Mason had looked at you just a few minutes ago, a big smile on his face, dimples deep in his cheeks and that twinkle in his eyes that never failed to make your heart speed up. Maybe it was how well he fit in with the people who meant the most to you, moving around the room and striking conversation with your family and friends so effortlessly. Maybe it was how he had spent an hour or more running around and playing with the few kids there without a single complaint until your uncle had to drag him away. Maybe it was his smile and laugh that you could somehow still hear through the loud chatter in the room.

Maybe it was all of it but in that moment you felt overwhelmed with love for the man standing a few steps away from you.

“You know, staring at people is considered very creepy.” You felt his lips against your cheek before you even registered that he had excused himself from the conversation he was having with the groom and your uncle.

“I can’t help it when you’re standing there, looking this good.” You weren’t going to pretend like you weren’t shamelessly running your eyes over his body. He always looked good but there was something about seeing him in his black dress pants and whire shirt, unbottoned almost halfway down by now, his blazer long forgotten at some corner of the room.

“I have to match my gorgeous girl, don’t I?” Maybe it was all on the drinks you had consumed by that point but the way just those simple words of his made you blush was ridiculous. If you were fully sober you’d almost feel embarrassed over the affect he was currently having on you by doing nothing.

Mason noticed instantly, letting out a low chuckle before pressing his lips against your cheek again. “Are you blushing, baby?” You squinted your eyes at him when he looked at you. “If it had always this easy to get you this flustered it would have been you and I getting married tonight.” You laughed, one of those loud and obnoxious ones that had people turning their heads to look at what could poissibly be so funny but your focus was strictly on Mason. His fingers found your hair, gently moving through the strands, no longer having to worry about messing up your curls now that hours had passed and they were no longer perfect.

You pinched his sides before your hands moved up his arms and to his shoulders, settling there just as Mason wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you against him as you both slowly moved to the music.

“Silly boy.” You murmured, thinking back to all those times you had declined his advances. It had never been about not liking him because you're sure you always did but you hadn't been ready or other commitments had been in the way but as you look into those brown eyes you've grown to adore you couldn't feel anything but happiness that he hadn't given up. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” You felt him smile against your neck before he pressed his lips to the skin there.

“Maybe next year.” You whisper, reffering to his earlier prediction, even if you were sure he was only joking.

“Oh, for sure next year.”

[pharawee]

Sorry to bug you, but could you give me the cliffs notes on what happened to Best and Chahub and the issues with 9naa? Thank you

Sure thing!

So basically when Best and Chahub's series Check Out first aired on iqiyi it was unavailable to watch in many countries. This prompted the director of the series to give an interview saying that the series was too explicit to show on any other platform such as youtube, and that they were looking into maybe broadcasting it via onlyfans.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with onlyfans and what it's used for, but you could argue that it's a very strange thing to say for a professional director who would probably be better off showing his series on other platforms more suited to traditional longform entertainment (like gagaoolala, the patron saint of queer media 🙏).

Add to that that pornography is illegal in Thailand, and any mentioning of it in an actor's portfolio is probably... not that great.

The director further said that during the filming of the intimate scenes they decided to do away with all protective clothing because it just couldn't be done otherwise (decades of spicy scenes in film beg to differ but ok). The actors were fully naked. They didn't decide this beforehand but directly on set. Many fans have later speculated that due to the stressful and time-sensitive nature of a film set, this might have been coercive and exploitative.

The scenes that were later shown in the series were actually not especially spicy. Certainly not spicy enough to call them "25+". Actually, they were so unremarkable (as far as spicy scenes go) that the series has since been re-released on youtube (albeit probably as a cut version? I'm not sure. I haven't watched it) - the very platform 9naa was so sure would ban them if they even so much as looked at the upload button.

Throughout the whole shock value promotion (because what else could it possibly have been?) the actors themselves stayed strangely quiet. They're apparently on record saying that they value their intimate scenes as art. That's it. There was no further promo. There were no follow-up jobs. Best and Chahub weren't in the special ep (according to mdl Best was but I can't remember him showing up hm). They were either quietly dropped by 9naa or bid their time until their contracts expired.

None of this is especially scummy or even illegal (at least as far as we know). It does leave a sour aftertaste however, because companies like 9naa always have the upper hand over their actors. A lot would have to happen for an (inexperienced) actor to speak up because breaking contracts and NDAs would mean losing their jobs and potentially being blacklisted and/or sued (even Yoon Phusanu only came forward after Y.Ent had already broken contract by not paying him until a set date).

So if a company makes weirdly sensational claims that they later either conveniently forget about or passive-aggressively backtrack on, then that's weird. If they show no interest in promoting their own talent and have a strangely high turnover rate for rookie actors, then that's even weirder.

And this isn't an isolated case. 9naa had a whole series planned with MFlow Entertainment. Beyond the Star was supposed to star actors from both companies, only for MFlow to later finish and broadcast the series on their own due to "differences in vision and work attitudes", editing out as many of 9naa's actors as they could. Weird, don't you think?

And, most recently, Cheque Wacharawee (from 9naa's Venus in the Sky) withdrew from any follow-up projects in a letter posted to his instagram because he had concerns due to work attitudes and couldn't even reach 9naa's lawyer (notice that he too only spoke up after 9naa had already violated his contract). 9naa reacted days later with their own very subdued announcement that has since been deleted. Very, very weird.

Who do you think is to blame here? The actors (most of whom are inexperienced and in Chahub's case haven't really acted since), MFlow (a small but reliable company that makes series that aren't always the most cohesive but at least the actors seem happy 🙏) or 9naa who's at the centre of it all?

Personally, as a fan of both Best Vittawin and Cheque Wacharawee, I've decided to no longer support or watch anything by 9naa. Kiseki Chapter 2 sounds nice and I hope its leads are doing well. Maybe the company has since learned from their previous unprofessionalism but people should at least be aware that they have something of a shady track record.

And if you want to support Best, you can watch his new series Knock Knock Boys which is set to release soon. 💜

[travellingdragon]

Temeraire - Appendices, Short Stories and Deleted Scenes or the result of my unplanned crafting weekend.

It turned out much better than I ever thought??? So far I have bound two very simple booklets and a notebook with the help of my sister, so my expectations were not really high tbh.

progress below the cut

I started this project because I was annoyed by the lack of appendices in some editions of the Temeraire books and collected (hopefully) all of them with the help of the Temeraire discord, especially Maz and stargrazing 🧡 I also found some deleted scenes and added the short stories I know of. The typesetting was fun until word decided to fuck with the formatting but that honestly wasn't much of a surprise.

The next step was to print everything out, and then print out the first few pages again, since my sister found way better fonts than I did (thanks!), so I could get close to the Temeraire woodcut covers (though, yes, @nighttimepatrons the T could be mistaken for a J ^^).

After I folded all the sections, I had to think about just how I was actually going to bind this book. Initially I was thinking about something in the style of Japenese bookbinding, though the inner margin would have probably been too small for that. There's a very good youtube channel about bookbinding (called DAS bookbinding) that I went to and though I couldn't find anything about Japanese bookbinding, I found a video about Ethiopian two-needle binding. I decided to go with that since it seemed doable and looks fancy.

The next step was to make the front and back of the book. Luckily (since I'm an incorrigible arts/crafts stuff hoarder) I still had some cardboard notebook backs which came in handy. The question that then came up was what to cover them with. The nicest paper I could find was gift wrapping paper that still made me go meh. Then, however, I remembered that I'd taken three of the encyclopedia books my parents had thrown out (they are from 1975, slightly outdated, even thought they look very fancy) and kept them (again: arts/crafts stuff hoarder). One of those was the book with maps, because I love maps.

Originally I was going to just use the Great Britain/Ireland map - with Ireland, Wales and England on the front, and Scotland and assorted isles on the back - but my sister (again, thanks!) gave me the idea to put the map upright and cover the rift with the title. Obviously that meant that I needed a new idea for the back and for that I went with a map of the world since Temeraire does travel quite a lot.

Now with all the individual parts assembled, I punched some holes and went to find some yarn. I thought I was going to go with the thin yarn you can see above but that was really way too thin, even when I used three parallel strands. Instead I used embroidery yarn I still had lying around. Since bookbinding yarn is apparently waxed, I grabbed a beeswax candle and pulled the yarn I used over it. I don't know if it actually did something helpful, but it certainly smelled good.

Ethiopian two-needle bookbinding uses - as the name says - two needles, if you have two holes and two pieces of yarn. I made four holes and so I had four needles and four pieces of yarn. I guess you could also use just one (or in my case two) pieces of yarn, but if you use two (four) differently coloured pieces of yarn, you'll get a fancy pattern at the spine!

The spine is a lot broader than the front of the book but I can live with that. If I'd made the sections larger, I might have avoided that or it would have been less noticeable at least.

This was a really lovely project that that turned out much better than I could have hoped!!! I powered through this in a weekend+ (started on Friday, finished up Monday morning) and I had a great time :3

Now to wrap this post up, here's a photo of this book with the two booklets I've bound (the short stories are also in the book) and one of it in the shelf with the other Temeraire books:

[ancha-aus]

The Skeleton House

Related to my story/fanfiction.

When I first started working on the chapter (chapter 64) where Sans and Frisk explored their new house. I had no idea what to write and no view for it myself. So like the nerd that I am. I decided to first make one on the Sims. Then use that as a blueprint to write with.

It worked perfectly and I got through the chapter no issue.

Then someone asked if they could see what the house looked like and I figured 'Sure. I can just make a tiny post and like upload the picture in the sidenotes.'

TURNS OUT! The Sims did in matter of fact NOT save the house that I made, anywhere. So that plan was a bust.

So obviously. I figured it would a great plan to REMAKE the house.

Turns out. Making it from text -> house is a lot harder than the other way around.

I was just going to show the finished results but I guess you all can see my struggle:

Try 1. I ended up deleting it as I could not make the layout work as I wanted and I decided I wanted more space to work with. Just in case.

So I went to look through the houses that were there to figure out which family I could evict and house I could bulldoze (Gotta love the Sims)

I ended up going for a house in Windenburg:

I picked it because there were no direct neighbors and no direct roads which worked for my emergence and so my overall idea.

So I bulldozed the lot and I got to work with the basic layout on the groundfloor.

At some point I was happy with the overall layout. You will see the upper left change a bit.

Once I was happy with the groundfloor I added the overall layout for the first and second floors as well. I also decided to struggle on the staircase for about 20 minutes to get a hole around the top part of the stairs.

This is the only picture I got where it is obvious but damnit I am proud of it and it deserves the spotlight. But I spend 20 minutes on it so it deserves the mention. No I did not do the same with the second staircase. I don't enjoy suffering.

After that I made a bit of a sandy path to the front of the house and I added some windows and lights, mostly to make it light inside to enable myself to see what I was doing. I have eben making small edits to the overall layout and shape but it remained mostly the same.

The next view updates go fast because I got in the decorating zone and I just kinda went.

Tada! The groundfloor! Some of you will notice it is slightly different than the house in the story. Mostly this is how I imagine it will eventually look. After the guys also made it a bit more there own: Blue circle: The first guestroom. I made all the guest rooms generic. mostly because I don't hate myself and was not in the mood to make them all different. Green circle: Groundfloor bathroom Purple arrow: The area that is different from the story. In my head the guys will end up renovating the house a little which means they will sacrifices one of the guest rooms for another staircase to the library that does not yet exist. White arrow: the dining room. I wanted to use a bigger table but the Sims does not HAVE bigger tables thant 3X1 and I couldn't find a good one that should look like a big one if you place them next to one another and I wasn't in the mood to try and make it work with moveobjects on cheat. At elast the number of chairs is enough Red circle: The pantry. Obviously in the center by the staircase you see the living room. Top right is the kitchen. and bottom right is the hallway and enterance to the house.

That was the rundown of the groundfloor!

First floor lets go!

Okay here we go!

Purple circle: The library that was added later by the guys, before that part of the house did not exist. Green circle: General bathroom Blue circles: five guestrooms Pink circle: Frisk's room and they bathroom, bathroom has a door both to the hallway and to their room. I want to add that I added the non-binary flag above their bed but you can't see it clearly but I want everyone to know it is there I swear. Yellow circle: Sans' room with bathroom, bathroom does not have a door to the hallway.

The top floor is honestly boring but to be complete I will show you

I did not decorate all the rooms because I didn't know what to make them all yet. The center room is just the bedroom for Horror, Killer, Dust and Cross. It is honestly just a room with a giant bed in it because all they do there is sleep and otherwise they are either on the bottom floor or in the garden.

Now. The garden.

As you saw with the tour of the house, the garden is still very empty. Not for long!

Here is the front garden and the roof. Fun fact. the roof is actually rather easy and If you are struggling with adding one because of the windows. If you use a slightly smaller window and put it as high as possible you get a little bit of wall under the window. Then, when you add the roof you can make the tip of the roof lower. Then it is a matter of making it smaller until it fits under the window. No cheats required, just some patience.

Anyway, that were the roofs. The garden was just me adding the sand path with the terrain editor. Digging a river type thing with the dig tool and add water tool. I made a tiny pit where I added a volcanic pit, just for flavour to serve as a firepit. Then I just added a buttload of trees and plants and waterstuff.

Some of it even lit up which made me very happy.

But that is it! the Skeleton Estate!

Final overview shot:

For those curious it took me about 5 hours to remake it (Not counting the 2 hours with the failed attempt at the start)

I will probably never use the house in the Sims but it is there and I actually saved it this time so hopefully if I even need the reference again I don't have to rebuild it again.

[cellophaine]

Hello. I wanted to come on here to rant (airing my grievance, if you will) and give you an update on my projects (if you're here for the update, scroll way down until you see a partition).

I'm still alive, unfortunately, but I haven't been online much since I've been co-existing with my deteriorating mental health. I have come to the acceptance that the prolonged sadness I get year-round is not just sadness anymore. Besides, work has been more demanding, I've been working more days with longer hours last week, and I couldn't find time to write and edit LA's new chapter. Which brings me to this point: I haven't been too thrilled about updating LA because of my expectations.

It always goes like this: I'm excited to see the engagement on the update, but the chapter gets none, and I get disappointed, then I get no motivation to continue the story, but I still keep it going out of sheer stubbornness to see my story till the end, and at the end, I'm unhappy about everything. The last chapter is sitting at 58 notes with no comment, which is better than 51 notes prior to the delete and changes.

I get why Lingered Affection doesn't get much attention anymore. I don't update it often enough, the storyline is not compelling enough. I have no one to blame but myself. At this point, I'm just wasting my own time investing in a story that no one cares but me. But who knows? Maybe the next chapter will get more than 58 notes because it has smut in it.

That brings me to my next point: to this day, I still get likes on one particular smut piece that I wrote 10 months ago. I literally get almost one like every day ever since I posted that. Like, not note, because I can count the amount of reblog on one finger ever since I noticed the "trend" in my notification a month ago. This makes me really question if it's worth it to branch out, to continue other stories when it's obvious that no one cares about those.

All I get in my ask box are requests, even though I said I'm not accepting requests. While I'm flattered that you like my writing enough to send in something, I'm also tired and burned out from just writing requests. I got no appreciation, not even a thank you, even though I wrote your ideas for you for free. All I get is notes upon notes saying someone liked your post enough to maybe save it but not enough to say something about it.

There is one good thing that came out of this situation. I'm desensitized to the fact that no one cares anymore unless I work on their requests, whether I'm alive or dead, whether the fic I write is interesting or good unless it has smut in it. I'm not online much, I don't get validation and that's okay. I'm just going to write whatever I want, for whoever I want.

Onto the update:

I have an IRL project that will take up a lot of my time during August and the beginning of September. I'm also going back to my home country for the first time in nearly 5 years for over two weeks, at the end of September to the middle of October! I'm super excited to see my family and friends, and eat a shit ton of traditional food that I've missed so much! Overall, I might not have much time to So, here are my plans:

Chapter 15 of Lingered Affection will be up sometime in August, after that, I'm aiming for a monthly update.

I'm debuting a new series this fall with a new character: Mo from The Flatshare! It will be grumpy x sunshine, a slow romance with angst and feels and fluff! I have a really solid foundation for the story and I can't wait to share it with you!

Matt Notting Hill AU will be out sometime later this year!

If you're still reading, thank you for reading my rant and even if you didn't read it, I hope the update was sufficient and gave you an idea of what to expect from my shit hole of a blog 🫡

On the bright side: I'M SEEING CHARLIE THIS MONTH WOOP WOOP CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HIM IN PERSON!!

[thissliceofnonsense]

As a rottmnt superfan, I think it's very shameful I have not actually watched the full series. I have been trying to get myself to watch all of it for literal months, and I will finally start now.

To keep my motivation to actually watch my favorite show (wow) I will be writing down little things I like/notice/one sentence summary of each episode.

Plus I want to do the AU with the events of the show but a "little to the left" including the missing sisters, Mikey getting his deleted episodes back, ideas that couldn't be used because the show was cancelled, fandom ideas, etc. etc.

AND this is also doubling as info from each episode, so that way I don't forget anything important.

(Like I forgot Heuso existed. Who does that?)

To start -

Leo seems very unsure of himself/ is scrambling in the intro. Compared to the rest of the turtles, he seems the least sure of himself. Even the lyrics say "Leo's making a scene" while everyone else has a definite positive word associated with their character. In fact, "making a scene" definitely has the connotation of a bad thing.

Leo's insecurities are so strong that even the show agrees lol.

(I'll just keep editing this into one really long post, and also, I need obvious stuff to be stated to me, so I'll write it down anyways.

Okie, Donnie's first words in the show are him using his science to support his brothers and be overdramatic.

April helps them all with shenanigans using her connections with all the jobs she has, and is in no way the 'responsible older sibling'

Even Raph (at least in the beginning of the series) is not that responsible in the grand scheme of things.

Also also, I want to slow down the show so I can catch every single detail, every single expression, but that would make this take too long. So I'll miss expressions they make... sad.

Donnie has tech in his shell for when April needs a ride, meaning that, again, he is constantly making tech to help others, along with his own interests.

(Also the way he flies? So overdramatic princess-y. I love him. And I can't take screenshots for some reason. Sadness. )

Also, does Mayhem have a scar on his forehead? It looks like a scar.

And Raph saying 'Aw' and wanting to save him. The precious bean. <3

Mayhem immediately goes for April out of everyone there. My headcannon is that he was sent specifically to watch the turtles and make sure Baron Draxum's experiments don't cause any havoc, so he is wary of all of them.

Also also also... the 'brushes' for the line art of the show? I'm obsessed.

They do have rehearsals for 'if they come in contact with humans'. So.... do they worry about that? Also, Donnie never goes to them. I can relate. Things I find unnecessary that I take away from my 'writing time' are things I try to avoid at all costs.

And I wish something that was cemented more in my head from the show is that the turtles constantly went on adventures with April, even before finding out about the hidden city, perhaps they wanted to be like Lou Jitsu, and I also wish there were more adventures in the hidden city afterwards.

Donnie screaming 'Fibonacci' or just being happy and showing off his tech makes me so sparkly inside.

(I'm not even five minutes into the first episode.... this might take awhile)

Donnie's tech does not work, he tries but it does not work a ton. Which I love. Our favorite/ special things not working, or just not being that great is something I relate to a lot/ want to see more in media. It's the thing we base our lives on. It HAS to be good. Otherwise, what's the point of our existence?

Yes... I kin Donnie.

Leo is incredibly fast, even from the beginning, especially for a turtle

All of Donnie's lines are immediately iconic in my brain

Leo has murderous intent/his eye glows red for a moment. I saw a comment once that the turtles WERE created to be killing machines, and those instincts may or may not still be there. IDK, it would be fun to see Baron Draxum's original intents placed upon the turtles. Although... in my rise sisters AU.... oh I could do that.

They all try so hard to live out their fantasy, adventure, Lou Jitsu dreams. Little beans. <3

Mayhem is an agent and he is carrying a vial. Vial for what?

Mikey is the most artistic and the most mystically inclined. He notices the sign on the wall and where's he's seen it before. My artist sibling also tends to see things as they are/ find un-findable things + predict the future.

We were robbed of Mikey content

Splinter has a cabinet full of memorabilia, and the weapons they all broke in the beginning were 'priceless'

My headcannon is that the brothers understand Japanese from watching Spilnter's shows, but can't speak it. (Yes I'm projecting my own second language skills)

Donnie again tries to make things better with his tech abilities, and Raph tries to make a good plan (because he's the leader, he should be able to make plans.) But Leo already completes the mission. So he can bask in the praise.

Because Leo notices things and can plan ahead, impromptu.

Raph is super anxious about doing things right.

Mikey again, uses his 'art/mystic intuition' to open the wall.

OHMIGOSH the Hidden City looks so cool. I really really (that's two really's) there were more Hidden City episodes.

When Donnie 'insults' his brothers. ('You guys are fools') He'll say something positive about it later. ("You beautiful fools') he's basically doing /pos all the time.

AAAAA_-__hgavihelutw

Donnie, upon finding the hidden city, says "Exactly what I expected." (At 11:37) Meaning that he is a cryptid theorist confirmed. He has theorized about the existence of mystic beings since before they found the hidden city.

(I will do another "Why Donnie dislikes mystic powers" later, because this gives me the notion that Donnie dislikes mystic powers the same way some physicists dislike quantum mechanics or the Copenhagen interpretation of it. It doesn't make sense. It contradicts and he can't figure it out, that wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for his brothers immediately getting it. In the AU, I would have an 'episode' where their mystic powers start making Donnie inconsequential. They already don't listen to him most of the time. And now his tech doesn't help anymore....

anywho that's for later, back to episode one!)

According to Donnie's calculations, they are in a 'Tertiary metaverse'.

A google search revealed nothing on that. But ..... DONNIE HAS CALCULATIONS FOR THESE SORTS OF THINGS, AAA-

And April has explored this hidden city beneath New York. I feel like, with Mikey, she's the most mystic-inclined. Something that other people in the fandom have pointed out.

Donnie loves Draxum's lab. Specifically, the color scheme and the style. These two would get along so well.

Draxum has captured Mayhem. Supports my headcannon that Mayhem was an agent specifically sent to watch Baron Draxum and his experiments, carry on.

I FORGOT ABOUT HUGGIN AND MUGGIN. WHAT.

They are precious.

Also also, humans do not care about the existence of mystic creatures apparently. I like that tbh, makes way for better storylines.

Mayhem stole a vial from Baron Draxum. Probably to bring as 'proof' to the three heads.

hhhmmmm.... Maybe Mayhem was sent to watch Baron Draxum and his experiments, and eventually the three heads council thought that the threat was neutralized. Baron Draxum rebuilt his lab, but hasn't done anything nefarious. And no turtle has been found for a long time. (Except for the one Big Mama has, but no one dares oppose her.)

But Mayhem found a vial of ooze, enough to convict Baron Draxum of crimes, but Draxum sent his assistants after him, retrieving the vial.

Draxum's color schemes do look cool.

He mutated a human in this episode.

The turtles ARE aware they are mutants.

I love the headcannon/unexplored plot thread that Splinter was a little afraid of what his sons were: mutations meant to be killing machines. Hence the "rehearsals".

April finds things. She's crafty, knows how to use her surroundings to her advantage.

Donnie has high grade titanium, how did he get high grade titanium?

(my headcannon is that he goes on 'shopping trips' with his siblings, mainly April, sometimes Mikey. And he steals things.)

DONNIE IS NOT AGAINST MAGIC IN THE FIRST EPISODE WAT.

He seems awed. At 14:41 he says "it's like mystic and science had a baby"

OKIE OKIE, here's my headcannon.

Originally Donnie was a science person (obviously) but he was like - "well there's no definite evidence that cryptids and magic AREN'T possible. I mean... black holes and quantum mechanics make no sense. Science does wild things sometimes, why can't these things exist? And you know what? I'm going to prove it!"

But then he actually SAW mystic powers and everyone else doing really well with it. Replacing him. And while his prior experiments with the crystal have led to good results in tandem with his goggles, but when he tries afterwards, it doesn't work. (Because mystic powers are based on emotions and he's frustrated.) That's weird. Science should lead to definite, predictable results.

So *character arc*

April is literally more athletic than the turtles. She keeps landing on her feet while everyone else is in a heap.

That's it. I'm a believer in April supremacy now.

Leo is scrambling. He may be good at impromptu plans, but he struggles at the application. My personal, maybe headcannon, is that he doesn't actually like going on some of these adventures. He's not that good at them, but he will support his brothers, because of his inferiority complex

DRAXUM CAN MAKE THESE HUGE MECHS AND THAT KIND OF MATCHES WITH MY LOUISE AU HOLY TRUFFLE MAC AND CHEESE.

Also also, Draxum has been trying this whole time to continue his work. I'm wondering how I can work my 'He's looking for Louise' storyline. Perhaps he needs mutants to eliminate the human threat and also to save his child warrior.

Mikey gets star eyes like his older sibling :D

Baron Draxum's magic is with his vines, mechs and potions. Like alchemy. Using this for Louise reference later.

Donnie has the Bi flag in the background of any of his scene things <3

His tech is constantly on the fritz in this episode. Mainly his tech bo. Maybe that's a newer piece? His battle shell seems to work fine. I think that may be one of his first pieces of tech, and the flying part looks like what would become Shelldon in the future.

AND, I think he gets better at making his tech in the future, while still making mistakes :D

Plus, his tech being on the fritz, makes his whole "they care more about what I can do for them than me"/needing to be useful, and fix things, mean that much more.

Also also, I'm basing above off of the fact that the siblings like his tech, but don't trust it, and they often don't exactly listen to him that often ('DONNIE NOT HELPING!') Which I feel like would hurt after some time. Also this post.

Donnie goes to his phone after his achievement of his tech bo working, he's probably documenting his success + photo archives + data points.

I've heard the hc that the brothers keep Mikey's drawings, maybe Donnie scans each one for his archives? They have a whole scrapbook?

Oh wait... that's really cute actually.

Mikey gets bored of the Villain banter really fast. Donnie wants his own world to keep working as it does and just coast along with his family while still 'spending time with them' (I can HEAVILY relate... or maybe I'm just projecting, but wanting to be in your own world while being around others is literally my whole life in a nutshell.)

I think Raph trains on his own + counts Lou Jitsu movies as training, Leo does not.

April has successfully defeated Huggin and Munnin. Clap clap.

Notes for Louise: Baron Draxum is show-offy and thinks he's 'all that' and truly bettering humanity. His lab is huge and colorful, full of alchemy experiments. He has 'bio-inspired' magic. Like plants and spiderwebs and huge fleshy gauntlets

Mikey activates his mystic powers after he gets angry at Baron Draxum for trying to hurt April. He can't really control it, but his anger activates it.

Mikey's mystic weapon is a cackling fireball gremlin that is absolutely uncontrollable. Everyone (including Donnie) thinks it's REALLY COOL

[golbrocklovely]

Im late to the game meaning I joined this bandwagon a few months ago. When i joined i automatically assumed Stas was dating Colby based on their interactions, always together in festivals and Europe, i even followed her and thought aww how cute. Then i saw what he was up to and people saying he was seeing so and so and i thought he was cheating and she was too blind to see. When i read everything on here i was shocked that they werent dating or even openly a situationship because based on stuff she said and openly told fans that was not a strictly platonic friendship. Only to then read he’s been trying to delete stuff about them, yikes.I learned about shea too but barely, but this girl left me with a bad taste. Sharing photos, locations with fans, details on his wardrobe and his likes. Umm yeah no thats a bit too obsessive for me. Then another user told me she was originally Kats friend and i laughed because i dont see that represented the way she represents knowing Colby.

ngl reading that you thought stas and colby were dating upsets me lol but i get why you would have thought that

it also didn't help when they were in europe or were just about to come home, a bunch of fans congradulated them from coming out as a couple… when that did not happen at all.

stas and shea are definitely two sides of the same coin.

idk why i decided to go on a rant about shea lol but i just had to i guess

shea's questionable behavior was more from way back in the day. she was good for a while, nothing too weird, but then she started to do livestreams where fans would ask her about colby and her and she would act all coy about it and be like "guys you know i can't tell you anything" or whatever. and then she started being in gcs with fans and that's where a lot of the drama comes from bc she allegedly told them about her and colby and would claim that him and her were together but to keep it on the dl. and then on top of that her fans have also claimed she told them that not only they were dating, but way back in the day colby was rejected by shea early on into their friendship. but then while shea would be telling her fans this, colby would be seen out with other girls…. so clearly they weren't dating lmao or colby is the worst bf ever

then as time went on, shea started getting more and more questionable, in particular with how she treated other friends of colby's that were girls. for one, there are literal ss of her having a convo with fans in a gc where they thought andrea russett and him were together, and she outright told them that they couldn't be together bc andrea had a bf. mind you andrea never told her own fanbase about this guy until they broke up. so for shea to tell fans that info is fucked, imo. then shea would also like edits that would pin her against the other girl friends of colby and would make her seem like the better choice. she got called out for this bc she liked one that was rude about amber (right around the time he started chilling with her). she also liked some tweets, if i remember correctly, that were mean about her as well. and instead of coming out and apologizing, she told a gc of hers about it first, who then posted that message. but when that wasn't good enough, shea finally came out and was like "women should support women" and that she was sorry but… to this day still occasionally likes shit that pins her against other girls.

not to mention it is assumed that her fandom got spookybby's account suspended on insta bc she was supposedly dating colby at the time and i guess shea didn't like that. there was also this other instance that no one really talks about bc i think it got swept under the rug bc it happened to a fan that wasn't liked in the fandom. so there was this girl, i'll call her m, who was known in the fandom bc colby gave her a couple notices back to back and that was enough to start something. she also apparently had some dm convos with him. this was the same year as the catfish so basically, if you were a girl that got paid attention to by colby, you grew a following for some reason. i remember this girl got to like almost 10k followers if not more so. and she was young, like 17ish. so what happened is her """fans""" created an account on insta that shipped her and colby together. that account then messaged any account with over 1k followers to tell colby "hey m is turning 18 soon, can you message colby to fly out to where she lives and date her", or something to that effect. i even got the message which was kinda surprising. it was crazy, sure, but m always said she had nothing to do with it and it was just her fans/friends that did that on their own accord. after that, apparently this fan also claimed she was the girl colby was being seen around with for a week or two, only for all of us to find out it was just sam in a wig for jake's video where he pranked the fandom. however, i will say i never saw her claiming this, just ppl laughing at her when we all found out it was sam in a wig so… do with that information as you will. also jake even said in his video about a person having to go on private bc ppl thought it was her… and it was m that had gone private bc of this.

i say all of this bc you need to understand no one liked this girl. i had no negative feelings towards her, but i knew a lot of ppl that just outright thought she was a joke. so when she came out and said all of the shit that happened with her and shea, i don't think anyone believed her.

so according to m, there was ss going around of her saying that she was dating colby or planned to meet him, something of that nature. shea apparently commented under the post of one of these ss, and m reached out to her to tell her that those ss were fake and that she didn't say those things. shea left her on read. then a couple days later, m gets a message telling her that shea is in a gc talking about m, not saying nice things apparently. m reached out again, got left on read again. the cycle continues: shea is in a gc talking about m, this time saying colby and her don't like m and that colby/shea planned to address all of this in video. this time around m reaches out again, longer message this time, refuting the ss of her saying she's dating colby, and then asks shea why she can't just talk to her if she can go and talk to gcs about her. shea blocks m after leaving her on read yet again. someone posts part of m's dm to shea on twitter, shea responds by saying "idk who this person is" and that she's never talked to them before.

the INSANE part of all of this to me is all of this got posted on insta, and ppl tried to argue that shea would never talk about someone like that, colby would never talk to a fan underage (which grosses me out as to why yall would jump to the conclusion he was talking intimately with a minor instead of, you know, just being nice when they say they love him???), and that ss and screen recordings can be faked. okay, sure. you want to say all of that, that's fine. but m had PROOF shea had her blocked. showed a screen recording of it too. not to mention ss of shea leaving her on read. and back then you couldn't delete dms from ppl or unsend some. so she showed the whole convo, beginning to end, between the two of them; shea not responding and leaving her on read, only to them block her. even if you don't believe shea would do something oh so terrible as to use a gc to talk negatively about someone…. why would she block someone she's never talked to or heard of before??????

okay… i'm done now. idk why i needed to bitch about this but i think i'm just tired of both girls. like all of this for what? COLBY? like don't get me wrong, love the man. but… you're acting like teenagers, hell even arguing and making fun of some, bc of………. colby???????

AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, colby has outwardly said on multiple fucking occasions how he doesn't open up that often, he has trust issues, ect ect. both of these girls are some of the very select few that get to see a side of him that no one else does. and yet, that wasn't enough? you still wanted more even tho that's not what he wants? you're desperately trying to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want anything to do with you like that????

yall suck. forreal.

[toonrandy]

Loud House fans...we need to talk.

So, yeah...

I was a big fan of The Loud House and I met several great friends -- one who became a best friend of mine and has since played an important role in my life through the good and the bad. And I drew fan art of the series. A whole lot, in fact -- more than any other animated series I've watched because for whatever reason I constantly came with ideas for TLH and that I drew stuff for the fans when I was taking requests at the time.

So, as you may have already known about me as well as the series and the fandom itself, things have happened to me and it led me to be no longer interested in TLH. But what you may have not known is that (aside from two pieces of art that I drew as a favor to a friend as well as another idea I just couldn't resist drawing last month) I made the decision to stop drawing TLH fan art at the end of last year. For good.

More recently, events have led to this decision. On DeviantArt (and on Instagram to a lesser extent), I've experienced art theft from various people in the fandom and they posted it as their own. They even made some weird edits to my art; on one piece they inserted some OC they created in the place of a character from the series. All of this has happened without my knowledge or consent. Many of them are even followers of mine (I didn't follow them back).

Another event that happened was that on Twitter I noticed that a TLH fan who ships Lincoln and Lynn (blech!) -- and it's even on his username, BTW, and has some NSFW stuff on his account -- used a drawing of mine showing Lincoln and Lynn simply hugging, which I had since deleted. Unfortunately, for a drawing that was only intended to show a happy, innocent moment between siblings -- which is nothing wrong with that and it's something that pretty much all siblings do in real life to show their support and I have brothers myself -- in addition to the Lincoln/Lynn shipper who misused my drawing I got some pushback, mainly from the series' non-fans. I mean, people who look at that drawing and say that it's pro-incest are saying more about themselves, let's be honest. My God, the fandom has ruined its reputation to everyone else.

Before those events, there was also at least one user on DA who had misused my art and looked really deep into them and treated it as if it was a fetish or something. Another user has added my TLH fan art to their weirdly named folders (I had since blocked them), and I have had people who made NSFW roleplaying to my art for whatever reason and I disabled comments whenever I noticed it.

And, of course, there are people giving me art requests of TLH characters in situations involving a fetish. Most of the time when I say no, they either ask why or continue to insist that I should draw it. They really have no boundaries for themselves. And what happened here this morning with me dealing with a user is further proof. They even followed me presumably to get me to finally cave in or whatever.

That's the Loud House fandom in a nutshell. I know you would make an argument saying that all fandoms are like that and any fandom can have its share of good people, which I can agree only to that second part. But I've never seen such a fandom for an animated series that's being made with kids in mind that have so many psychotic and nasty people. And unfortunately I know a few people who are adults (not gonna name names) acting weirdly over the series' main characters. It's filled with weirdos. No other fandom I've ever involved with had that kind of a problem.

I shouldn't draw anymore fan art for a show I no longer care about that also has a problematic fandom. I guess I'm the kind of person who bore some of these negative interactions and other abuse because I was kinda prominent within the fandom and was drawing TLH regularly and constantly receiving high marks for them. There was the fact that I was lamenting that my TLH fan art always get smore attention than everything else I drew and I wanted people to check out my other stuff because I had worked hard on them. I love other shows, too. I didn't want to be known only as that guy who draws TLH fan art. I have a mutual who feels the same way and have similar problems with the fandom as well.

Another thing: Long after I began to disassociate myself with the fandom, long story short I was in a spat with someone on Twitter (also one of my followers) and I got some backlash over an opinion I made that they don't like. I quit Twitter and deleted my original account but I have later returned. It was in reaction to a fan of the series on DA who was also a stalker and I was very frustrated. I even alluded to it on a few earlier tweets.

Looking back at it now, I think I should've done things differently regarding this situation. But that guy I dealt with is, like, a stalker. He keeps being banned from DA but he comes back with a variation of the same name as with all accounts he'd created. He would ask someone to draw stuff for him but when he was told no he would then respond with something disturbing. And I was unfortunate to see the same person on Twitter. He went as far to make around TEN accounts with a variation of his name and even left some disturbing responses to various accounts. Repeatedly.

As of late there are people within the fandom who are pushing back negativity from non-fans who gave them various labels mainly because of the other people who gave the TLH fandom notoriety. Again, there are some good people. But I really think that the fandom as a whole cares more about the people criticizing them instead of actually trying to use a lot of their energy fixing the problems and improving their image, even if they don't like such people. The fandom has stalkers, abusers, p*dos, fetishes -- you name it. And there are some bullies, too -- maybe the fandom would also worry about the bullies within the fandom in addition to those outside it.

And that's something I wish my former follower I had a spat with would understand because I was stalked and bullied. (Then again, maybe the fandom is too big for any actual changes to be made.) I do believe he made it sound like I was looking for trouble when in reality I did nothing and was minding my own business. Such people find me on their own. And the whole thing happened after I got out of the fandom and moved on to other things.

I had continued to like The Loud House after I left the fandom and quit watching new episodes, and I even watched The Loud House Movie and liked it despite its flaws. However, the controversies relating to TLH franchise that erupted over the internet last fall made me change a lot of opinions I had towards it since. Although I think I'm not ready to say it now, maybe I'll wait until there's an announcement about the main series ending in the future.

And I sincerely hope that no future children's show will amass such as a large and problematic fandom like TLH's. It shouldn't have happened. But it did. And hopefully it will be something we all should learn from. To paraphrase what my mutual have said about the fandom, the bad far outweighs the good. And besides, several people I know including my friends gave up on the show at one point and moved on to other things.

One last thing: I'm considering deleting all of my TLH-related posts here...for reasons.

[sllhouettedreams]

Hi, I just read Forehead kisses and wanted to re-read Chasing Tomorrow. My simple question is do you have a backup of what you delete? More importantly why deprive the world of AFTG of such well written fics? Please bring them back 🙏😭

Yes, I have kept what I had written for chasing tomorrow and the two part I had planned afterward. I appreciate you so much for coming to ask about it and show your support. I honestly didn't think people would notice or care enough. While there is a tiny sliver of myself that believed the story just didn't matter to anyone else... the 'why' is really, really complicated.

The official answer is that... Objectively, it's not a very well-written story and I should have spent more time than I did to edit and piece each chapter together. Unfortunately, as I usually do with things I write (with very few exceptions) I began to hate it? Usually, even when I hate things, I don't delete them. But that combined with what little feedback received and a few weird bookmark notes a few people added, I felt uncomfortable leaving it up even as an orphaned story. I also deleted the other AFTG fics I had posted on AO3.

Every few weeks I consider going back to it, to fix it up and finish what I started because I still like the direction I went with it and the interpretation of canon I had planned, but something something seasonal depression. something something long personal story under the cut.

To summarize what's under the cut: I wrote Chasing Tomorrow to deal with a time in my life that was highly emotional and I'm not, currently, in the headspace to revisit or continue with Trusting Tomorrow and Tomorrow, After All (which would be the third post-canon continuation). I really, really do want to, though. Eventually, I will.

This is the sad bit so stop reading if you don't want to read about death, abuse (including sexual), and suicide mention in a long emotional ramble.

So I read AFTG for the first time in May of last year when I got COVID. It was a great distraction from being sick enough I couldn't move. I immediately was obsessed, actually.

Here's the thing, my family is kind of a fractured mess. I lived through poverty, homelessness, and abuse, physical, verbal, emotional, and even sexual. So I related to every single character (particularly andrew and neil, which is common, I think), on some level.

So this outrageous, messed up fucking story, meant a lot to me? As stupid as it sounds, I guess.

Anyways, here comes the sad part.

Literally the next week after I finished reading AFTG, my sister died. At the time, we didn't know what had happened to her and why she died so young-- she struggled with mental health and her disabilities a lot so everyone, even people I didn't know speculated it was suicide as she had attempted it before, more than once. I very nearly deleted my facebook because of the people who contacted me and things they said.

Less than two months later, my dad passed away, too. It was around this time that we finally learned how my sister had died as well. I wasn't on good terms with either my sister or father. I always put off making things right for many reasons. Pride, not enough time, exhaustion, the amount of emotional labor they both had always required, "if they wanted to fix things they would try" blahblahblah. I thought I had more time, see?

I became kind of obsessed with AFTG because well, outside of connecting with the characters, there's the whole motif of death and dying and meeting an inevitable end- not knowing if you have the power to change anything but trying your damnedest anyway, but accepting the worst outcome should it happen. It all seemed very profound to me at the time. And it was a distraction from all the emotions I was dealing with.

But, eventually emotions demand to be felt.

So in between those deaths, I began to write Chasing Tomorrow. It began as an exploration of grief and the burning desire to have changed something, anything, to prevent loss. It was a story that, I felt, was about love and the destruction it leaves behind when the person embodying it dies. About second, third, fourth chances to make things right. If there was a magical moment that could have fixed everything, about going back and not missing it that time.

When it was finished, I had no better understanding of what actually happened, of what I could have done, and what life will be like now without her. It was an outlet, but in the end I didn't get any satisfaction from it.

Writing it out now, and opening up about why I wrote it and what I thought it would do for me, I'm understanding exactly why I resent it now. It feels stupid, actually.

[hocuspocusbylooble]

Sorry I needed to say this again more calmly to satisfy an urge and it's not required reading or anything but

Random and self-indulgent, already mentioned in a freak out to no one and everyone. Mentioning it again because it's nagging at me

I had a ~15 y/o burgundy DSi XL with a copy of Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies in it that I haven't seen since before my partner's ex-roommate left. It also had 2 brain training games and a doodle animator pre-installed. I had it since I was 14, and it has childhood memories on it, pictures, drawings, animations. It has 15 years worth of memories on it. It has one awkward animation my best friend drew when we were 15-16.

I would not assume it was the ex-roommate if the cat jar and several cups of mine hadn't also gone missing. If the cat jar turns up, I will update and say so. He also tried to replace one of the cups when I got upset over a missing mug, which... he replaced it with a cup that wasn't exactly like the old one, so that's how I became aware he was responsible.

He also had plastic stained (as in too dirty to ever be clean again) flamingo bowls he never used and didn't value enough to take with him, but he used our new bowls that he also ate out of to feed cats outside. When they would fall off the porch and roll underneath, he wouldn't look for them. He would use another. Now they're all gone.

I saw the bowls as a mistake. He washed dishes and cleaned more than anyone else. He was not the worst roommate and his problems with us were justified. But destroying/stealing possessions, including medication and my irreplaceable DS, are too fucked up. And he did not have a conversation with us about a lot of it until after things went missing and were destroyed. A lot of it, he never had a discussion with us about at all. And I have reason to believe he saw me struggling and suffering enough.

Sorry, I deleted the paragraph about my adderall before posting this. Now I've edited it a lot so whatever. But he threw away a CVS bag that very obviously contained a full pill bottle and I spent hours trying to find it. It was in the nasty outdoor trash can. If I hadn't found it, I would have been screwed for the rest of the month. I had just bought it, it hadn't been opened, so that was an entire month's worth of adderall. I left it in the living room by accident, he threw it in the trash, and there was no way he couldn't have noticed the noise, the weight of it, the movement of the pills. I took that into account when I found it and it was too hard to believe it was a mistake.

And I never made a problem about anything he did wrong to me because I felt like I was worse. But in hindsight, it bothers me a lot more now. It never happened while we were in the same room. I wasn't aware of any of it until after the damage had already been done, and I felt too guilty over other things to make a problem about it.

He never had a conversation with me or tried to talk about any of his problems with me. He did one time, during one bad incident, and he was very helpful that one time, and he showed he had the ability to be reasonable and considerate during that one incident, but only after he had left me on read and given me the silent treatment before. And he was very nonverbal, which was why I never wanted to hold it against him. I have trouble talking to people I feel awkward with, and I know it can be taken as silent treatment, but this was “silent treatment” since it was over text and he left me on read.

I would have preferred negotiating repayment with him over time instead of having my possessions stolen or destroyed, but now I don't feel indebted to him at all.

I feel like he was impulsive and destructive when he was angry at worst, and maybe felt entitled to stealing things instead of asking to be paid back, and nothing much worse than that. If either the cat jar or the DS shows up, I will update this.

[lunaraindrop]

A real-life update and a rant from your girl, Luna 😁

I'm going to rant here for a moment. This is about the woman who will soon be my former boss.

I posted not too long ago that I was putting in my two weeks notice. Things were so bad at the school. I tried to hold out...but I just couldn't take it anymore.

Part of the huge problem is communication, or lack thereof when it comes to the director telling me important things. Another part is just how clipped and downright mean she can be towards me.

Last Thursday, I was made to work over ten hours, again, with the summer program at my school. We are short staffed. I was tricked into it, despite me going over my director's head to *her* boss to make it stop. Which she said she would make sure it didn't happen again. But this happened during her vacation.

Someone has to stay with the children, by law. However, there was no schedule up for me to see, and I was not told I was assigned to work manditory overtime that day in advance.

This is right after two weeks in a row of having to stay late and working fifty plus hours.

That's over one hundred hours of work time in two weeks, folks. And I work with children. This isn't a desk job.

It was after work that day that I had a dizzy spell. I haven't had one in quite a while.

Life with an autoimmune disease like Hashimoto's is not easy. I take my thyroid medication, I try to stay hydrated, and I try to get the rest I need.

My doctors continue to stress that I need less stress and rest to be at my healthiest.

But, back to dizzy spells. Yes, plural. Also, seeing spots, ringing in my ears, and yucky stomach issues.

I did end up getting checked out by my doctor, and then the ER a couple of days later.

The verdict?

I was suffering from exhaustion and dehydration!

I let work know that I had medical issues. Silence. Not a word.

I was brief, but I kept my boss up to date on my situation.

Silence.

I was bound and determined to get some rest and try to finish my two weeks.

On Tuesday, after I left the hospital, I realized that I left my big, practically new bottle of ketchup in my classroom's refrigerator. I didn't feel like going out to buy a new one, so I stopped by the school and got it. I also took my insulated cup home to clean.

This morning, my boss finally lifted the radio silence to say, "I assume you're not coming back. You used your key on Tuesday. To come get your things, maybe?"

...

Folks, I have barely taken a day off. I haven't taken my vacation at all this year. I've worked hard, have kept everything up to date. I have been lied to and trampled on by this school...to the point that it effects my health...and *that* is her reply?! Does that mean she didn't check any of my other messages?!

Anyway, I professional let her know that I had every intention to fulfill my last week of my notice, but *as I have said*, I've been having medical issues. I painstakingly told her about going to get my bottle of ketchup, and taking my cup home to clean. If she thought a cup and a bottle of ketchup were my only personal items in my classroom...she is insane. I have my planner, my instruction books, my planter, everything I have purchased for the classroom!

To put icing on the cake, she went ahead and deleted my work email!

All because I was taking my earned, needed sick days!

*sigh*

I'm so glad I'm leaving.

EDIT:

Another reason I decided to post this is because I am pretty sure a coworker, or, err, *former* coworker, follows me on here. In that case, *waves*, hi! This is what happened!

[daydreamingoncloud9]

Nagi Seishiro & Mikage Reo - The Cactus & Its Caretaker

Edit: If you're seeing this post again, I got slapped with a community label so I had to delete that one. Please forgive the ugly censorship. If this still doesn't work then I give up shdoakjdsajd

Spoilers up till the latest chapter of Blue Lock (ch 198), Blue Lock: Episode Nagi (ch 6), Blue Lock Spin Off Novel: Nagi Seishiro & the additional time for ep 8 of the anime

Also cw: small mention of depression and depressive thoughts at the end

This also isn't necessarily a shipping post btw because I feel that this take applies for both platonic and romantic readings of reonagi.

»»————- ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ ————-««

I recently read an excellent analysis on Reo's character and it really helped to encapsulate why the reonagi team-up, though long-awaited, will probably be detrimental to the both of them and their development in the long-run. You can read it here.

It gave me a lot to think about and ended up inspiring this post in a way because I started thinking about a particular scene in Episode Nagi and now I wanna talk about it.

So for those of you who don't know, Nagi has a bunny ear cactus named Choki and he picked it primarily because it was low-maintenance and didn't require a lot of care.

Interestingly, in Episode Nagi, Reo's attendant, Ba-Ya, brought up parallels between Nagi and Choki and after reading chapter 198 of the main story, I think she was onto something.

See, unlike other plants, cacti don't actually need a lot of care and for Choki in particular, Nagi actually specifies that you only needed to water it every 2-3 weeks and could basically leave it alone for the most part.

But if we take Nagi to be the human equivalent of Choki and Reo to be his caretaker, Reo....doesn't actually follow these guidelines.

Reo has a tendency to coddle Nagi, spoiling him and waiting on him hand and foot to the point the anime added an extra scene that called Reo wife material.

And this extends to his play-style as well since Reo is often looking for a way to give the best passes and support to Nagi and was eager to "use Seishiro in his own ideas" as Agi put it when they reconciled.

Heck, the reason why he was able to enter "Flow" was because he wanted to devote his Chameleon Style to help Nagi score and become his "arms and legs".

Even Isagi notices that Reo's ego revolves around Nagi.

But if the recent chapters are any indication, this development is just the two of them falling back into old habits. They are returning to the reonagi from the First Selection (but arguably worse) where Reo is focused on providing the best passes to Nagi while Nagi executes. The only difference is that Reo's passes no longer say "do what you want" but are instead putting ideas into Nagi's head.

They just haven't realised it's happening because their individual skills have leveled-up to the point where they can deftly circumvent other players (which ironically is just like before). And it’s really sad because you can see how the cycle repeats itself with how Isagi keeps intercepting them in chapter 198.

they team up > they score excellent goals > they get read > they get defeated

The narrative is punishing them for the team up because the both of them are essentially taking the easy way out.

And perhaps Reo, albeit subconsciously, is realising that too.

Regardless, the latest chapter does end up proving that though the Divorce Arc soured their relationship, it was also a needed catalyst for their individual growth. This is especially the case for Nagi because Reo's lack of presence and attention (ie decrease in watering) meant that he was no longer coddled and couldn't expect passes to come his way anymore. He had to fight for his passes because everyone else was also aiming to score a goal and if he didn't prove that he was capable, the ball was sure to not come his way.

Just like Choki, he was able to flourish because he wasn't "lavished with affection".

And it's not like Reo hasn't realised this. During the Third Selection, he even admits to himself that Nagi was no longer who he used to be, that he was no longer "his" treasure and that chasing him could only get him so far.

So it makes sense why he then resolved to try his best to surpass the Top 6, to change everything about himself so he could evolve, and he does.

It's just tragic that when he finally does crawl up and has decided to stand on his own, Nagi finally turns back and chooses him.

And it's heartbreaking because you can see that Reo is happy when he's needed by Nagi and is able to spoil him as much as he wants. He gets back his snark from before the Divorce Arc and is all smiles at their reconciliation.

He even calls Nagi his treasure again.

But just like how Choki will rot if you overwater it, Nagi's talent will eventually wilt into mediocrity if he cannot reproduce his results and has to constantly rely on Reo to do his creativity for him.

And this isn't even mentioning how Reo's single-minded devotion to Nagi has put limitations on his own talent as a player (caretaker) because he doesn't even consider his other teammates (the other plants) in his playmaking. They aren't who he wishes to care and give attention to, just mere "sacrificial pawns" for Nagi's sake, and it severely reduces his potential skill repertoire, making him predictable and ultimately easy to intercept.

He even opts out of scoring goals on his own and passes instead, going against Blue Lock's striker philosophy and serving as a sharp contrast to what Isagi did when he first defeated the duo in the First Selection.

But don't get me wrong, it's not like Reo's affection is entirely wrong either. Without Reo's continuous support and unwavering faith in Nagi's talent, I doubt that Nagi would have had enough motivation to continue playing soccer and eventually reach his first "curiosity".

Hell, Nagi even admits that he (initially) only played football because Reo was the first to show any interest in him.

The promise they made, which might I add was first brought up by Nagi, is also implied (and outright stated by Nagi himself) to have been one of Nagi's drivers for growing stronger in the first place, further proving how much of an effect Reo has been on Nagi's life and decisions. (Admittedly it is debatable whether Nagi's motivation actually does include the promise, but this analysis here makes me inclined to believe the implication is not entirely false)

So much like how Choki still needs some level of attention to survive and grow healthily, Nagi wouldn't be here if he hadn't met Reo especially if you consider how Nagi was unknowingly depressed before they met and was already tired of living.

It's just that there needs to be a balance between what Reo wants and what Nagi (and truthfully Reo himself) actually needs. The both of them cannot continue to fall back into old habits just because they are more skilled now because it just means that they will stifle their future growth.

Perhaps this could mean a Bachisagi arrangement or maybe a Ryusae one.

Regardless of which one, Reo has to learn to step back and let Nagi (and by extension himself) grow on his own while Nagi has to learn not to be overly dependent on other people, especially Reo, just because it's the most convenient option.

Because at the rate things are going, the two might be better off in different teams or just separating.

Even if it means having to break their promise.

[yooniesim]

I'm not sure what simblr's general opinion on this is, but peeking back in after my long hiatus, I have a lot of thoughts...

In my opinion, Patreon killed all of the momentum that ts4 simblr had pre-2020. I think we all know a lot of the bigger issues- permanent paywalls, creators doxxing and bullying, cliqueing up and sharing info- but I mean even besides that. I mean specifically early access, two to three week delays for releasing cc, the version of paywalling that most people (including myself) accepted.

It's good that creators were able to get paid for their work, especially during the pandemic. But I think, unfortunately, it had other effects too. I remember back then, being disappointed at how much was eacc, and that was only like 25% of the cc coming out, and it (almost) always was popular creators with high quality work. But slowly but surely, nearly everyone moved to patreon (which I've noticed has caused a lot of cc to be forever lost once patreons were closed/deleted) and 99% of the time it was early access or even exclusive. Many people started blogs with early access cc from the get-go, without having a presence beforehand, and those blogs seemed to be some of the most focused on blocking anyone that shared their cc. The cc varied in quality- it could be simple mesh edits that were still mostly ea, or recolors, or even just patterns sourced from other sites. It didn't matter what it was, it was just content for money, anything to pad out the month and keep patrons. Creators would do early access and then link the cc through adfly or to TSR or simsdom/simsfinds, one by one, even if it was supposed to be a pack. It wasn't bad enough to call out, but it was purposeful.

CC on tumblr became a business in a way it hadn't before, even with other paysites in sims history. And while some people are happy to donate to creators they like now and again... most people either can't or won't. Many simmers are children, and many simmers are adults with strict budgets, especially during the pandemic. And truth be told... they probably got bored. Because it's all terribly boring. CC shopping isn't fun anymore. It's the briefest serotonin seeing something interesting on your dash and then instantly flying away when you see you'll have to wait almost a month for it. And if it wasn't a creator I really liked, I forgot about it instantly after that... sometimes even if I really liked them. Motivation dropped. People stopped being excited, and stopped playing.

Nowadays, it seems even worse. Because the amount and variety of cc and creators has dropped drastically. I'm shocked to see 2-3 cc posts per day, if that, most of them paywalled. It isn't just cc posts either- used to you couldn't look in the s4cc tag for cc, it would be so crowded with non-cc sims posts, but now it's depressingly easy... and empty. Lookbooks, edits, gameplay, cc, it all seems more sparing. And you don't see the same creativity, the same fun random little items, stuff that was interesting even if it wasn't necessarily perfect. Or wild ideas or cc that would appeal to certain small niches. Because that isn't profitable, is it? When you need to create a certain amount of items per month at a certain quality to keep patrons and therefore income, you have to strategize, for good or for bad. Some people are able to do that, and while good for their business model, it limits what they can create and how much energy they can spend on each item. Some people aren't able to do it, and burn out and leave. Either way, creativity suffers. Enjoyment suffers. Creators leave from the passion being sucked out of their hobby; non-creators leave from frustration and boredom. And you're left with a handful of creators still going by their cc business playbook, month by month. But how long can those few sustain themselves?

It's natural for communities to ebb and flow, or even completely die out, but ts4 simblr had been going strong for years before this overall, even if it was in waves. In the pandemic, it should've flourished the way other many other communities did, especially gaming focused ones. But, it didn't. Instead it slowed down, more people left than the amount coming in, the engagement died down, and it seems like as a whole custom content hasn't advanced at all. Maybe it would've happened anyway, but I honestly think patreon contributed a lot. Also, ts2 and ts3 communities weren't affected in the same way, afaik, which makes me think it was paywalls even more.

Can it be fixed? Maybe. If paywalls weren't as much of a thing anymore- and I don't mean completely gone, but just a fairer ratio- I think it could. But now that it's become a standard, I doubt that will happen. I think most people have moved to other places where they don't have to deal with it, like discord servers, and simblr will continue to lose momentum.

It's good for creators to have the option of getting some income for their work, but I guess I'm just saying... at what cost? Beyond the monetary? If you're not super popular, are you even making enough for the added stress to be worth it? If you are, is this going to be satisfying and maintainable long-term, without burn-out/effects on your mental health? Who will pay for it when the number of players keeps dropping? And will this continue on to the Sims 5 community in the future? I honestly hope not.