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dwonfilm · 8 months ago

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There’s no life after you. | Dean Winchester x Reader (one-shot)

Summary: Dean felt like he had no other option than to push [Y/N] out of his life completely. When he and Sam find a case in her hometown, he’s hit with all of the emotions he’d tried for so long to bury.

Warnings: swearing, mild-angst, mostly sadness and ending with fluff.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Flashbacks are in bold.

Dean and Sam had found a case in Reno, Nevada—a city that had a lot of memories particularly for the older Winchester. Sure they’d worked a dozen or more cases around here over the years but that wasn’t the type of memories that kept playing on his mind. He only wished it was that simple. Sam had opted to take the backseat, needing some extra rest on the drive and Dean usually drove his precious ‘67 impala anyway. Ever since they’d found this case, the eldest Winchester was uneasy. Not because it was anything special, from the details online it seemed like it was just another vamps nest—maybe even just a handful travelling together.

No, what began to plague his mind was something that cut much deeper than that. All he could think about was you.

It had been roughly two years since he’d last seen you. Every other second of the last year and half had been him fighting the urge to reach out, knowing two things for certain. One: you’d be far better off without him holding you down. Two: even if that wasn’t the case, he’d really hurt you the last time you spoke and despite how much he missed you.. you’d likely never speak to him again—but that’s what he’d wanted right? You to move on, you to live a life that wasn’t plagued by the dangers of all things supernatural. Find a good man, a normal man, settle down.. get married and have kids. Not have to worry about tending to someone who had spent his entire life broken. Shaking his head to try and rid himself of these thoughts, it seemed the universe had other plans.

It seemed at some point in the drive his playlist had changed and delved into the ‘divorced dad rock’ side of things—the first few notes of what he recognized as a Daughtry song began to play. Seemingly just as they’d finally crossed the state lines into Nevada, the lyrics began..

“Ten miles from town and I just broke down, spitting out smoke on the side of the road. I’m out here alone, just trying to get home to tell you I was wrong but you already know. Believe me I won’t stop at nothing to see you so I’ve started running.”

Now Dean knew exactly what song this was and it damn sure wasn’t helping with his desperate need to stop thinking about you. He reached out to change the song but when the chorus hit, he stopped and his finger merely hovered above the button.

“All that I’m after is a life full of laughter, as long as I’m laughing with you—and I think that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we’ve been through. ‘Cause I know there’s no life after you.”

It was as if the song was delivered down by the hand of God himself, which only made the ache in Dean’s heart that much worse. He’d been in pain ever since he left two years prior, but he had no right to be—he knew that. After all, the reason he didn’t have you by his side was because he left. It was because he walked away. Deeply he’d sigh as the next verse again would line up with the exact thought in his head.

“Last time we talked, the night that I walked burns like an iron in the back of my mind. I must have been high, to say you and I, weren’t meant to be and just wasting my time. Oh why did I ever doubt you? You know I would die here without you.”

Death had truly paled in comparison to how he felt seeing the look in your eyes. All of the pain, the hurt as he watched you break in front of his very eyes. You’d been together three years in total, but what you didn’t know—what he refused to tell you is that his worst fear was becoming a reality. Lucifer had threatened you in order to make Dean comply with his demand. He’d figured out the only way to get to the elder Winchester was through you, seeing as Lucifer himself needed Sam for his own personal vendettas. It wasn’t long after this that Dean knew he had to get as far away from you as possible. All the pain and suffering he’d endured in his lifetime would be nothing if your death was due to him. He couldn’t live with that and more importantly, you deserved more than that out of this life.

Sam began to stir in the backseat, which he’s caught sight of through the rear view mirror and so Dean quickly changed the station. He’d use Metallica specifically to shift the mood before his brother woke up and started asking too many questions. Questions that Dean wouldn’t have the answers to and he was already battling his mind to keep it all at bay.

Gripping Baby’s wheel tightly in his hands, he’d continue to path to Reno. About fifteen minutes later was when Sam’s eyes actually opened. “Mornin’ sleeping beauty.” Dean said with a (fake) smile on his face. “Ha-ha, very funny. Wait.. how long was I out? Are we in Nevada already?” He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and noting their desert-like surroundings. “I don’t know, hours Sammy. Yeah we’re in Nevada—about an hour or two ‘til Reno.” Just saying the name of the city was enough to have him nervous again. There was a brief bit of silence between the brothers, Sam had a thought on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t know whether he should say it. Dean’s eyes had fixated on the road ahead and he sensed that his younger brother was gonna bring it up—bring you up, he’d always really liked you. Besides that, he could always seem to tell when things were troubling Dean despite his best efforts to hide it. “You know you could-“ Sam started but knowing it was coming, the elder brother immediately shut it down. “Sam, don’t. Please. I can’t and you know that.” Dean’s voice was shaky and that let him know that he’d already been thinking about things far too long. “You’ve been thinking about it. I know you, man. You think I didn’t see the look on your face when I told you we had something in Reno?” He sighed, knowing that his older brother was struggling with this didn’t make him feel good but he also knew it was making Dean feel worse. “Sammy, please.. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

Sam would shake his head but he let it go, rehashing this with Dean while he was attempting to drive wasn’t gonna end well for either of them. Not to mention an hour and a half of odd tension in such a small place wasn’t ideal either. Instead, the younger brother’s eyes averted from the front of the car altogether as he turned to gaze out the window next to him. Sighing partially in relief and partially from the lingering thoughts, Dean would fully place his attention on the road and on the directions to this particular motel. They needed to get in, solve this case and get out before he did something he’d been trying for quite some time not to do.

Surprisingly this case was a little more difficult to follow through on, these vampires were incredibly elusive and their nest wasn’t the easiest to find. However, after a couple days lingering around they finally located the nest and were able to kill the three vamps that had been killing the locals. As it had become part of the job, Sam and Dean went out to a local dive bar to celebrate the victory—but Dean was trying to do more than that. He was trying to drown the lingering thoughts of you with whiskey, swallowing the liquid and letting it gently burn his throat. This would end up having the opposite effect and only made him think of you more. Over the first hour and change the brothers spent at the bar, three separate girls tried to hit on Dean but he didn’t really pay them any mind. Around the two hour mark the elder of the brothers decided he needed some air, getting up and walking outside. Dragging his dominant hand over his face he was doing anything to cling to that last bit of pride that he had. You were better off and he knew that, but every day that had been lost it was eating at him slowly. He needed a distraction and so he walked over to his precious car, getting into the driver’s seat and sighing. One flick of the wrist and the lights would come on, the radio coming in clear as day: it was that goddamn song again.

“You and I, right or wrong, there’s no other one. After this time spent alone it’s hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind, thinking about the better times.. must’ve been out of my mind. So I’m running back to tell you.”

Again it seemed like the universe had intervened and Dean Winchester was far too drunk to fight it. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes and right now, all that he needed was you. He opened up the driver’s side door and got out just to come face to face with Sam, who had been worried when he couldn’t locate his brother in the bar. “What is it Dean?” He asked, noting the emotional state it was clear he was in—confused but not entirely. It wasn’t like him to be so open with his emotions, but you’d helped him with that. “I need to see her, Sammy. I can’t do this anymore.” There was enough emotion in his voice for his younger brother to know what he meant. Nodding Sam would approach the driver’s side door. “I’m driving, we’re not risking it with you.” Dean normally would protest but right now? All he needed to do was get to you. It didn’t matter how, he just needed to fill the void that he’d put there himself.

“All that I’m after is a life full of laughter, without you god knows what I’d do.”

Dean’s eyes were technically gazing out the window, but that’s not what he saw. His mind was flashing different images in rotation—one happy memory with you followed up by something he’d done to chase your memory away after he’d run away.

“All that I’m after is a life full of laughter, as long as I’m laughing with you and I think that all that still matters is love ever after—after the life we’ve been through. I know there’s no life after you.”

It seemed fast, but it had probably been about thirty minutes of time that had passed. Not that you lived very far at all, if you were even still at the last address the Winchesters had for you—Sam took a longer route hoping that Dean would sober up a little more before talking with you. Anyone would be able to smell the whiskey on him at this moment, but his words needed to be coherent if there was any chance of you hearing him out. It seemed that he had sort of the same idea because even when the impala had pulled into the driveway, he just sat there. “What if she doesn’t wanna talk?” Dean asked, somber tone to his voice as his eyes remained fixated on the front door of what he hoped was still your home. Mind racing almost as fast as his heart. “Dean, if I know anything about [Y/N], she’ll at least listen—even if she’s incredibly pissed and still hurt.” Sam reassured his older brother. Dean sighed again, not wanting to waste another second and also wanting to see have some alcohol in his system for this conversation. Slowly he opened the passenger side door and stepped out onto the asphalt driveway. Gently closing the door, it had still alerted a dog inside the home who was barking just a little bit every couple of seconds. He carried himself up the few cement steps, turning to see the front door closer than ever. Now more memories of the last time he was here were coming back.

“Dean, please.. why are you doing this? You can’t possibly just have stopped loving me, that’s not..” Her sobs were breaking his heart but he knew this was something he had to do. “Why are you walking away from this? From us? After everything we’ve been through.. after the life we’ve built from the ground up.. you’re just throwing it all away.” She felt as if there was a fire in your chest, she’d been sobbing so intensely for what seemed like forever. Mascara and eyeliner were smudged and made a mess of the space underneath her eyes. “Say something, Dean—please.. why are you pushing me away? What did I do?!” Every word became far more intense and the actual words were hard to discern from the sobs. Dean had just been staring at the floor since the words left his mouth. Three years next to her and he never imagined this day would come, but if you died just so Lucifer could get one up on him? He’d never survive. He’d never be able to carry the weight of your death or your blood on his hands—so this was the only way you got to live a long and happy life without him putting you in harm’s way. “[Y/N/N] I.. I just don’t think we were meant to work out. I’m sorry, I just-“ he was cut off by her intense sobs hearing him saying it again. “Please Dean.. don’t do this.. whatever I did wrong, whatever’s not working we can fix it. Please..” She pleaded, voice already hoarse from the crying and the wailing. “Sweetheart you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me, I’m just, not made out for this relationship stuff.” He’d barely lifted his gaze again to meet her own, but only for a second. Seeing her like that was too hard for his heart to bare. “Why Dean.. please.. it’s been three years. Three years of this and we can talk about it. Whatever it is we can move past it together, don’t you love me anymore?” She sobbed out, arms wrapped around her own chest as Dean looked up to her face and met her gaze one last time. “Honey, I’ll love you ‘til the day I die.” Sighing he turned to walk out the front door, closing it and never looking back. He couldn’t look—his heart had already shattered.

Now here he was again, roughly two years later, taking the last few steps to fully stand at your front door. Lifting his hand which had formed a loose fist, he’d knock three times upon the wooden material of the door. There was no answer and no sign that anyone was home other than the dog barking that he’d heard moments prior. Dean was about to turn and walk back down the pathway when he heard the doorknob turning after the lock clicked out of position. “Do you know how late it is, what do you nee—“ her eyes widened when she realized who had just knocked at her door. “D-Dean.. what are you..” she felt her bottom lip quivering. Dean could tell this was the last thing she’d ever thought would happen. “Hi, sweetheart. I-“ before he could get another word out of his mouth, he was met with a harsh slap to the side of his face. His eyes fell as he collected his thoughts, waiting before speaking again. “I deserve that. I deserve that and so much more. [Y/N/N] I’m so sorry.. I’m so fucking sorry.” He got out, not being able to look back up at her just yet. “You’ve got some kind of nerve showing up here, this late at night.. Dean you broke my heart and you stomped on it to boot. Why do you think after two whole years that I’d listen to whatever the hell you have to say?” It was obvious that there was sadness and hurt laced within her voice, more so than the anger she’s trying to push forward. Slowly his head tilted back into its usual position and his eyes found hers again. “I know there’s no life after you.” It was all he could say in that second and her expression softened, before she’d built the wall back up. “You came all the way to quote a Daughtry song?”

“No, I’m quoting that damn song because for the three days Sam and I have been in Reno I’ve heard it everywhere. My car, in a store, hell in my head—[Y/N] I’ve been trying every day since I left to push your memory from my mind. I wanted so badly to forget about you and know that you were free to have a normal life. I also know that I’ve got no right to stand on your doorstep telling you how much pain I’ve been in since the second I walked out this door two years ago when this whole fucking thing is my fault.” He paused, tears slowly falling as he tried to blink them away. “[Y/N] I was afraid. I was so afraid.. I couldn’t lose you like that-“ Again he was cut off but just by her words this time. “Dean you did lose me, you pushed me away—fuck you pushed me out of your life altogether. You’re absolutely correct, you don’t have any right to stand here talking about your pain. I didn’t eat, I barely slept, for weeks after you left. All I did was lay on that couch and sob. Endlessly. After I couldn’t physically sob any more I thought, there has to be some kind of monster or witch doing this and so I researched for weeks and still barely ate and slept only a fraction more. All I came up with was dead end after dead end and so I finally had to realize the truth.” She sobbed out, pausing to try and steady her own voice. “You chose to leave on your own.” She’d opened her mouth to continue talking but now it was his turn to sob out, which caught her completely off guard. “He made me feel like I had no other choice..”

Now you stood with a perplexed look on your face as tears were streaming down your cheeks. “What.. who-“ before the question could even fully leave her lips, the man she loved began to speak again. “Lucifer. He needed Sammy, you know all that one true vessel shit, so he couldn’t hurt me that way. He knew any threat he put to Sam wouldn’t stick because deep down I knew that Lucifer needed Sam alive and well to complete whatever sick and twisted plan he had thought out.” She felt both her heart and her stomach drop, figuring out exactly where this was going. “[Y/N] he said he’d kill you and not think twice. I couldn’t.. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you died all because I love you. I wouldn’t be able to breathe knowing that your death was my fault and I’d never get your blood off my hands.” His confidence had wavered, the alcohol mostly wearing off. You sighed, a silence falling over the two of you as you attempted to process what he’d just said. “Dean.. why didn’t you just talk to me? Tell me what he said and we could’ve talked about it.” She asked, the venom gone from her words and a sadness settling over them. “I was scared. I didn’t know how to admit that I was scared especially to you, I’m the one that was supposed to keep you safe. I know that’s not an excuse and I’m not trying to excuse me hurting you like I did—that image of you hugging yourself and crying the hardest I’d ever seen someone cry has haunted me all this time. I never wanna hurt anyone but I damn sure never wanted to hurt you.. at all—let alone like that..”

Again a silence fell between them, it felt like a lifetime between their words and the action she’d finally take. Stepping forward she used both of her hands to cup his face, both having glassy hues due to all the tears. “I forgive you, Dean.” She said almost in a whisper. He felt his heart racing and he eyes searched hers for any sign that this might not be true. Seconds felt like hours but he couldn’t find any sign of deception and instinctively, he plunged forward to connect his lips with her own. It had caught her off guard but she was returning the kiss with an explosion of passion. They chased the other’s lips in a back and forth motion until they both couldn’t breathe. After pushing the limit a little further they’d separate but remain forehead-to-forehead. “I know there’s no life after you.” She spoke in a soft tone before pulling Dean inside of her home and re-locking the door.

#dean winchester #dean x reader #fanfic #supernatural #dean winchester imagines #spn #spn imagines #dean winchester x reader #fanfics

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mybworlds · 2 months ago

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Beyond the Walls

Pairing: Pero Tovar x f!reader (no Y/N)

Summary: You are a princess, you should act like a proper damsel, but you are not and you don't want to be. Luckily, you have an ally on your side.

Warnings: use of you, typical sexism, the main character has female features, but I don't describe her in detail, the image is only meant to represent the moment, nothing else. Fighting against the conventions of the time, the main character wears both women's and men's clothes. Tovar in this story is the protagonist's bodyguard and a knight. Violence graphic.

A/N: Okay, here I am, I woke up with this new idea and here it is. I don't know if I should make it a one-shot or a miniseries, if you want and like please let me know, you know I appreciate your comments.

You run, you urge your horse to increase his pace, you have to lose him. You stop for a moment, but then you think again and decide to cross the fields.

You will do it quicker.

The farmers are not at all enthusiastic about it, some snort as you pass by, others curse you. You smile, you feel so free and light on Callus. Even today you will arrive before him, a triumphant grin bends your lips upwards, you reach and pass the walls surrounding the castle when suddenly he appears in front of you, cutting you off and making your faithful steed rear up.

“I won, Princesa” says your bodyguard giving you a smirk and dismounting from his horse.

“Oh, fuck, that’s not fair!” you blurt out, getting off your stud. “You cheated!”

“Never.” he answers you by taking the reins of his horse and leading it to the stables, you do the same “I went through the main road, you wanted to cheat by going through the fields and destroying all the work of those poor people.”

You laugh, “Please, let’s do it again.”

“Qué? Do you want to destroy the fields again, my lady?” he teases you coming out of the stables.

“Of course not, Pero.” you say “But, you know how I feel when I run, when I'm free to ride a horse, when I can practice swordsmanship with you, when I can be who I really am.” you add.

A few moments later, your mother joins you. Pero kneels, you nod and say “Mother”.

She sighs and shakes her head, “What have you done to yourself, my daughter? Dressed like that, your hair tied up, your face dirty.” She puts on a disgusted expression, “You are a princess and you are a woman. You have some duties to fulfill and you can't afford such obscenities. Dressed as a man!” She tsks “Now go upstairs, I’ve already had a bath prepared for you.”

“You know how I feel!” you reply to what she said. “I want to be free.”

“Daughter,” she uses an annoyed tone “you know that certain liberties are not granted and that only your husband will do this later.”

“I don’t want to get married!” you exclaim while your mother widens her eyes in complete astonishment at your words “I don’t want an old gentleman deciding for me! I am a woman, it's true, but that doesn't mean I want to deprive myself of my life, my choices, my dreams.”

For your mother these are just whims dictated by your age, but according to her you will soon change your mind and indeed you will be happy to marry someone powerful who can give you everything you want and then give yourself the freedom you talk so much about.

What Tovar thinks matters only to you, for everyone he is just your most faithful bodyguard, he is just someone who keeps you safe, who prevents the worst from happening to you, but for each other you are much more than just any princess and her protector. No one knows and it's okay.

For Tovar, you are the bravest person he has ever met and he has met all kinds of people, but no woman has your courage and when you hold a sword you assume that expression so focused and proud that he can't help but feel a deep pride swelling in his chest, when you ride you are absolutely free and you get that expression of absolute bliss and he feels so lucky to still be in this world to enjoy such a spectacle.

You two spend a lot of time together and it was he who offered you that breath you longed for, that freedom that no one else had granted you and for this you are always eternally grateful to him.

Tovar believes that you should be the one to choose what to do with your life, but he also understands that in your case it is not as simple as it seems. So when you confide in him, Pero avoids telling you things like do what you want and run away because he knows you would be capable of it. He offers you long horseback rides on the beach, teaches you how to shoot a bow, has taught you how to use a sword, and on more than one occasion you have gone to the village in disguise. And you loved every single moment of what Pero showed you.

If there was some discomfort at first, now you are fine together. You are so fine that one afternoon when you were out in the woods and you were completely soaked after an accidental fall, Pero offered you his cloak and to thank him you stood on tiptoe to kiss him. Pero was so surprised that he looked you in the eyes for a long time as if to understand if it had been a casual gesture or if you were aware of what you had done. No uncertainty or disturbance changed your gaze, you knew what you were doing.

You have never gone beyond that, although you do not want to submit to certain constraints or duties, you have always and in any case preserved your virtue.

You meet his gaze, sigh and then you go up the main staircase followed by your lady-in-waiting.

“Tovar,” your mother says to the man, “you are an excellent knight and a valuable asset to our house,” the woman continues, “however, I believe you are being too accommodating to her.” She smiles faintly at the knight “I hope you wish to return to those ranks you agreed to honor, but if it were too much for you to do and you couldn't get her to respect you, well, that would mean we would be forced to deprive ourselves of your presence.” the man swallows, the woman is his lord's wife and if he were to be chased away from there too, his wandering would begin again and perhaps something even worse would happen to him. He decides to bite his tongue and simply nods and with a nod of his head takes his leave.

Your maids are supposed to wash your hair, your face, your body, but you dismiss them, asking to be left alone.

You want to be free, you want it so bad. You take a deep breath and then go down into the tub full of rose petals. Everyone — your family — wants to remind you of who you are and where you belong, but your indomitable spirit won’t give up, not like this.

You emerge and decide to fight. You know you won't be alone. You can always count on Pero Tovar.

You dress in a cream-colored tunic, you are determined to go to him, but without wanting to, when you pass in front of the library, you glimpse a light and then hear footsteps: you stop and strain your ears, you open the door slightly and see one of your father's most trusted men and another man you've never seen before, They are apparently not doing anything wrong, but it's the manner and tone that you don't like. They have something in their hands, it's shiny and when you realize what it is, you jump, making a guttural noise that makes you step back and slam into a suit of armor worn long, long ago by your father.

The noise attracts the attention of the two and almost immediately they are at the door, you take another step back, “What are you waiting for?! Kill her!” shouts your father's advisor to the other who he points the gun at you.

Your eyes widen in shock, just then something whistles through the air, then something fast passes in front of you and this movement is followed by a cry of pain. Your attacker lost a hand, chopped off by an axe. You and the councilor turn and see Tovar standing at the beginning of the corridor, you take advantage of that moment of confusion to run to him and take refuge behind him.

Following this event, the castle seems to wake up all at once, excited voices seem to come from every corner.

“Come away, Princesa,” Tovar tells you trying to get you to walk away, but you stare at the other man and are about to tell him that you're going to tell your father what happened and that he won't get away with it, but then the unthinkable happens: two guards appear across the corridor and the counselor shouts “Get them, they were plottin’ something with this man and then they killed him.”

“That's not true!” you try to say, but you know the strong influence that man has on everyone, especially your father. He would be able to say anything and everyone would believe him.

“Run, Princesa, come!” Tovar shouts, dragging you down the stairs with him. You barely have time to leave the castle because they close the gates. When you're apart you look back and for the first time you realize that you're beyond the walls and you're wanted.

You don't know what will happen to your life, your future, your dreams, or your freedom, you just know that the only one who will always be by your side will be your tireless bodyguard, teacher and friend, Pero Tovar.

#pero tovar #pero tovar x reader #pero tovar x you #pero tovar x f!reader #pero tovar x female reader #the great wall fanfic #the great wall #the great wall fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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adnauseum11 · 9 months ago

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Point of Contact (John Price x Reader)

John reaches out to Kate for a favour.

850 words

CW: swearing

feedback welcome!

It is the absolute crack of dawn when Kate gets the call she’s been expecting for the last few hours. She’s up, mainlining coffee and checking her emails relentlessly when her cell vibrates across the desk.

“John?”

“Kate.”

Kate’s initial impression is that John sounds tired. Immediately she wonders if she’ll get the full story from him or have to rely on Gaz’ version.

“Gaz said you were going to have a name for me to run? What’s happened?” Her concern is unmistakable down the line.

Of course, Kyle told her what happened, but she wants to hear it from John himself. Their past squabble is sidelined immediately without discussion. John sighs and Kate can picture her friend pacing and pushing his hand through his hair in frustration.

“Her place got broken in to yesterday. Guy didn’t touch obvious jewellery, or cash, seemed to be looking for information. Not sure what type of information or to what end just yet. Dislocated his shoulder before the police picked him up so he’ll be with medical for a little bit. Could be something, could be nothing. I’m hoping we can use their detour through medical to do a little information gathering of our own.”

“You’re sure this isn’t just a B&E gone bad, John?” Kate tries to keep the skepticism out of her voice.

“Worst B&E I’ve ever seen if that’s the case. Man was empty handed after a sizable head start. Odd time of day too, right when people are getting home from work.”

“You think he meant to do more than rob her?”

“Don’t know. Scared the hell out of her at the least. But he wasn’t doing any talking and I’m no good to her arrested so I didn’t force the issue. He’s booked on B&E but he didn’t technically steal anything. He’ll get a slap on the wrist at best. Never hated being a fucking civilian more in my life.”

Kate can hear the frustration in his voice. For a man like John, used to making things happen and getting answers by any means necessary, being beholden to the laws and skills of the local police force was particularly infuriating.

“What’s the name?”

John gives her the name from the police report, spelling it out for her.

“I’ll owe you if we can get this put to rest sooner than later. I’m hoping it’s nothing and just some tweaker, her place isn’t in the best part of town but something’s just not sitting right for me. Maybe I’m seeing ghosts where there’s nothing, but I want to be sure.”

“You really should move her out of there John, either way.” Kate can’t help but prod him about it, finding it out of character for John to be lax about security.

“You think I’m unaware? I thought I was going to have to drag her out of there last night. I’m going to have to pick my moment with that topic.” John’s cranky, making Kate smile to herself.

“At least it sounds like you know what you’re up against.”

John’s huff of amusement is weak, even over the staticky line.

“This favour, would it have limitations?”

Kate switches topics easily, only half teasing. She isn’t above making her own life easier down the road, even if it temporarily complicates John’s. That give and take has been a natural part of their friendship for years.

“Cross that bridge when we get to it.” John defers, and Laswell decides to take pity on the man and let him get away with it for the moment.

“Gaz said she seemed nice. When do I get an introduction?” Kate tacitly accepts the terms of his offer, moving on to personal interest.

“After I get some answers. We’ll have dinner, my treat.” John sweetens the deal further, a peace offering for their last interaction.

“Alright, I’m going to hold you to that. It’s not every day I get the chance to meet someone who can order a Captain around in his own home.”

Kate can’t help taking a swipe at the man, Gaz’ report including just as much detail on the state of John and his woman as anything else to Kate’s delight.

“Unbelievable, fucking Gaz, listen she was not having a good time of it yesterday–“

John’s trying to explain but Kate cuts him off before he can get very far.

“Knowing you, I’m sure not. I’m also sure that after you were asked to keep it down so she could sleep, you did, you big softie. Certainly, you two left an impression on Kyle.”

Kate’s smile bleeds through the line and the corner of John’s mouth quirks up finally at her gentle teasing despite his concern over how yesterday shook out.

“Bloody hell. Don’t make me regret agreeing to dinner, Kate.” He sighs, pushing his fingers through his hair.

“I’ll update you after I do some digging John, keep your phone handy.”

"Thanks, Laswell."

John's gratitude is palpable. The knot of tension in his chest relaxes infinitesimally, and he disconnects the call and leaves the kitchen to rejoin you, still sleeping soundly in his bed.

Next Chapter

Tag list:

@deadbranch @beebeechaos @cadotoast @syoddeye @writeforfandoms

#call of duty #fanfic #captain john price #john price x reader #john price cod #friends to lovers #john price #captain price #john price x f!reader #john price x you #john price x female reader #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic

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victoriously-wicked · 10 months ago

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LIST OF SOME JORI/VICTORiOUS FANFIC FOR YOU!

Fanfiction.net links: blue Wattpad links: orange Ao3 links: red

Just a Stage Kiss: There's a fine line between love and hate. What happens when Jade and Tori are partnered together for another class at Hollywood Arts, only this time it's not stage fighting, it's stage kissing. Will that line be crossed, or redrawn thicker than before? Ao3 Wattpad Fanfic

I Have No Sister: Oneshot. Trina had done the worst thing on the day of her sister's wedding. Disgraced, she starts a new life in NYC. But a blast from the past has a bone to pick with Trina Vega. Fanfic

They Say a Bad Girl Will Shatter Your World, Drive You Insane: Tori needs to seem more mature for an audition and decides it's time to take a real risk. And what is more dangerous than dating the girl who used to hate your guts? Based on the episode 'The Gorilla Club'. Fanfic Ao3

Let’s Show the World That Science is On Our Side: Sequel to "they say a bad girl". Their relationship is the best and the strangest thing that's ever happened to Tori. You can't really blame her if she's still trying to figure it out. Fanfic Ao3

I Think You Know Me: Oneshot. Beck plots to get Jade and Tori back together. Andre just wants to stay in one piece. Twist from 'Tori Fixes Beck and Jade.' Fanfic

Shock Value: In one of Sikowitz's classroom exercises, Tori needs to Shock the class. Jade doesn't think Tori's capable of shocking anyone. What does Tori do? Fanfic

Start from Scratch: It's been 3 years since Hollywood Arts and Jade's life hasn't worked out like she wanted it too. Fleeing her past, she must start over from stratch and finds her only refuge is with a person with her own personal demons, Tori Vega. Can the pair rebuild their lives and perhaps even find love along the way. Fanfic Wattpad

Our Story: Jade's deadly secret caused Beck to leave her, but Tori came into her life and made everything better. Now, Jade's life is done hanging in the balance, right? She's been told she's safe, so why does it feel like everything is about to come crashing on her and her friends? Fanfic

Behind Enemy Lines: How Yerba changed everything. Wattpad Fanfic

You Don’t Know Me: Jade and Tori are forced to work together on a group project for school. And when Tori visits Jade's house one day and her father is drunk, Tori realizes that Jade may not be the person she always thought she was. Fanfic

Replay: I never thought I'd be where I am now when I took my sister's place in that showcase. It definitely brought changes I didn't expect. But now that I'm here, I wouldn't change it for the world. Ao3 Fanfic

You’re Worth It: Tori's determined to get Jade to become friends with her no matter how many times Jade's threatened her and screamed at her. What happens when Jade starts to hang out with Tori more and realises that she doesn't seem to be feeling as much of a strong connection with Beck as she used to. Will Jade tell Tori her deepest secrets? Will Tori confess her love? They must endure a long, bumpy road together, but will it be worth it? Wattpad

A Dangerous Friend: Everyone needs at least one crazy friend, and it looks like Tori's found hers. Ao3 Wattpad

My Best Friend’s Girlfriend: Hello there...my name is Tori. Tori Vega. I'm a little nervous at the moment...so bear with me? Well I have a confession to make...it's a hard one at that. I um...well I moved here to Hollywood just a little while back and am now going to school with my childhood best friend. Then something happened... I never planned it to happen. I just... well... I accidentally fell absolutely and uncontrollably in love, with his girlfriend. Wattpad

Violated: Tori Vega, good girl, straight A student, musical master. No one would have expected her to be forced with a life changing trauma. But she did. She had many to turn to but who was her choice? Jade West, bad girl, possible straight A student, Musical, acting and producing master. She hates Tori with a passion, yet no one knows why, Jade herself doesn't know. But what happens when her enemy appears at her doorstep crying and in need of someone to help her? Fanfic Wattpad

Where’s Tori: 9 years ago, Jade's life was shattered, when her girlfriend Tori, vanished. After many years, Jade has long since given up hope of seeing Tori again. But what happens when the Impossible happens? Fanfic Wattpad

Twist of Fate: Tori is paralysed and Jade is blind. Two lives drastically affected by fate. Two people who don't realize, how much each needs the other. But fate can be kind as well as cruel, which they soon come to realize. Slight AU. Wattpad Fanfic

The Lock-In: Locked in a building for 48 hours with 238 other high schoolers isn't exactly the greatest weekend. And nobody knows that more than André Harris, Beck Oliver, Cat Valentine, Trina Vega, Robbie Shapiro, Tori Vega, and Jade West . . . especially Tori Vega and Jade West. The lock-in begins. 48 hours to go. (Jori friendship.) Wattpad Fanfic

The Last Resort: Jade has become completely catatonic since the death of her fiancé in a tragic accident. Not responding to any treatment or words from family and friends, they turn to the one person who hasn't tried, to try and bring her back. A person who once broke Jade's heart. Her ex girlfriend, Tori Vega. Wattpad Fanfic

The Impossible: A certain student at Hollywood Arts that no one’s noticed before is suddenly involved with the gang for her Kickback performance. But she has also revealed that she is a 'great fan' of Jade West and Tori Vega and decides to let the two girls approach to help her. Who is this girl? Will she reveal who she is when Victoria Vega and Jadelyn West, one of the most talented [and hottest] students at Hollywood Arts, approach her based on curiosity and interest? Ao3 Wattpad

#GrandFinale: Caterina Valentine is just weeks away from graduation. She understands things are about to change for her and her closest friends at Hollywood Arts. But her feelings for her best friend and roommate, Sam, have already been changing...and Cat realizes it might be time to be honest about them. Sam Puckett doesn't like people or connections. People always leave. Connections always hurt. Then she met Cat and her entire world changed. But with graduation weeks away, Sam fears she's going to get left behind again. Maybe it would be better if this time, she did the leaving. Past and present collide as Sam and Cat face the uncertainty of the future. But will they face it together, or alone? It's been a long time coming. Welcome to the #GrandFinale! Ao3 Fanfic Wattpad

The Untold Jori: Sequel to “#GrandFinale”. With graduation in her rearview mirror, Jade West finds herself on the cusp of a fantastic opportunity: the chance to direct a short film. It's not her style or genre, but a successful film will lead to funding for her own feature film, a story so important to her she might be willing to take the deal. Much to Jade's frustration, the best person for the lead role to ensure its success is none other than Victoria Vega. But Tori is long gone, and Jade resents the idea of asking her to be in the film. It's the reunion neither of them wanted, with a result neither of them expected. Ao3 Fanfic Wattpad

One Last Song: Sequel to “The Untold Jori”. Victoria Vega: successful actress, prominent scream woman, married to the love of her life for nearly a decade...and, as she approaches age thirty, a woman wondering what happened to the dreams of her youth. A mysterious call from an old flame may just awaken those dreams once more, but at what cost? Jade West: one of the most celebrated masters of horror and thrillers in Hollywood. But when the social media mob descends on Jade for an innocent remark, her future in the industry is suddenly on shaky ground...and the one she depends on the most, her rock, Tori, seems to be more distant than ever. Jade fears her dream may be coming to an end...and what she will wake up to when it's over. After a string of successful broadway shows, Cat Valentine has spent years at the top of the pop charts as the sensational "Caterina". She and her longtime love, Samantha Puckett, have settled down in Sam's hometown of Seattle, where Cat records her music. But one morning, Cat wakes up to find Sam gone without a trace; not even her beloved motorcycle remains. In a panic, Cat hunts down her best friends, Tori and Jade, to help her find out where Sam went, and why? All three women stand at the brink of their most difficult challenges. Can the girls and their friends endure, or will all three be torn apart forever? Join Tori, Jade, Cat, Sam, Carly, and more for one last adventure...and one last song. Ao3 Fanfic Wattpad

One Last Time: Jade and Tori had always felt some unspoken thing between them, but never acted on it. On Tori's last night in LA, a certain song by their friend brings Jade to do just that, but is it already too late for them to be anything more than friends? Ao3 Wattpad Fanfic

Postgrad Partners: Sequel to “One Last Time”. As Tori is about to leave LA for a record deal in Miami, she and Jade hastily decide to move in together and explore their relationship and postgraduate lives. What challenges await to test this newfound couple? Ao3 Wattpad Fanfic

HAVE FUN READING!

#victorious #jori #nickelodeon #nickrewind #victorious fanart #victorious fanfiction #jori fanfiction #jade west #tori vega #cat valentine #cade #sam puckett #beck oliver #trina vega #victoria justice #liz gillies

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warrioreowynofrohan · 2 months ago

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LOTR Newsletter - September 29

In addition to everything else that is happening today – Tom Bombadil rescuing the hobbits from the Barrow-wight, their arrival in Bree, Frodo dancing on a table and accidentally putting on the Ring in a paradoxical effort to be less conspicuous, the conversation with Butterbur where they find out about the letter from Gandalf, meeting Aragorn – it is also when Gandalf arrives back at the Shire.

From Gandalf's account to the Council of Elrond:

“…I reached the Shire when Frodo was on the Barrow-downs, though I set out from Rohan only when he set out from Hobbiton. “But fear grew in me as I rode. Ever as I came north I heard tidings of the Riders, and though I gained on them day by day, they were ever before me. They had divided their forces, I learned: some remained on the eastern borders, not far from the Greenway, and some invaded the Shire from the south. I came to Hobbiton and Frodo had gone; but I had words with old Gamgee. Many words and few to the point. He had much to say about the shortcomings of the new owners of Bag End. “ ‘I can’t abide changes,’ said he, ‘not at my time of life, and least of all changes for the worst.’ ‘Changes for the worst,’ he repeated many times. “ ‘Worst is a bad word,’ I said to him, ‘and I hope you do not live to see it.’ But amidst his talk I gathered at last that Frodo had left Hobbiton less than a week before, and that a black horseman had come to the Hill the same evening. Then I rode on in fear.”

The mental image of the Gaffer just going on and on grumbling about the Sackville-Bagginses while Gandalf is in an extreme hurry and approximately as worried as he's ever been is kind of funny.

As a quick summary of Gandalf's movements prior to this:

September 23: Gandalf starts his ride north; Frodo leaves Hobbiton in the evening

September 24: Gandalf crosses the Isen River; Frodo encounters the first of the Black Riders and meets Gildor

September 27: Gandalf crosses the Greyflood River at Tharbad; Frodo and the other hobbits spend a rainy day with Tom Bombadil

September 28: Gandalf crosses the Brandywine River at Sarn Ford; the hobbits are on the Barrow-downs and are captured by a barrow-wight. (If Gandalf had ridden directly north on the Road instead, he would have come to Bree probably late in the day on the 28th, and might have been there when the hobbits arrived at evening on the 29th. But he couldn't know where they were, so naturally he went to the Shire instead to find out what had happened to them.)

That's 6 days (Sept 23 - Sept 29) from Rohan to the Shire. In comparison, Gandalf and Pippin riding Shadowfax go from Isengard to Minas Tirith in four days. It seems like the pace is similar to the Isengard-Minas Tirith ride (by my very rough approximation from the map, the distance from Edoras to the Shire is about 1.5 times as far as the distance from Isengard to Minas Tirith).

#tolkien #the lord of the rings #lotr newsletter #lotr newsletter spoilers #gandalf

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beybaldes · 1 year ago

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but the rain is always gonna come, if your standing with me

summer sleepover masterlist

roy kent x gn!reader

summary : “i don’t want to understand, i want you to stay.” / “don’t let me lose you too.”

content warning : roy angst because we all needed some but I promise it’s a happy ending, takes place after his knee injury but before he becomes a coach

Roy had been pushing you away, it was as simple as that. And the worst part was that everyone else saw it before you.

It wasn’t like the two of you were a couple or anything, and he’d definitely pulled away from everyone at Nelson road since his career ending knee injury, but you hadn’t expected that he’d cut contact with you. In the past 3 weeks you’d sent at least 20 text messages that continued to go unanswered, knocked on his door 3 times which he didn’t answer even though you knew he was in, and called every evening after you got home from work and left a voice message. Whatever you and Roy had was special, and it didn’t take a genius to see that his ghosting was tearing you apart.

“He just needs time.” Ted told you for the millionth time that week alone, pulling you in for a brief side hug as the two of you made it to the car park, ready to go your separate ways for the night. “He’ll come to his senses eventually.”

You didn’t want him to come around eventually, you wanted him to already have come around; to come back and be here. Which was exactly how you’d ended up cross-legged in Roy’s doorway, headphones on and jacket wrapped tightly around yourself to keep as dry as possible now that the heavens had decided to open. Roy would have to come in or out of his door sooner or later.

“How long have you been out here?” Roy was stood before you, in black sweats and with a rolled up yoga mat in his hands. You didn’t question either item, standing from your seat in his doorway, not moving too far as you were conscious of the torrential rain that continued to pour down.

“Couple of hours.”

“Well, that’s just fucking stupid.”

You’d not come to shout at Roy, that wasn’t your plan. But the snark to his words and the fact he’d ignored you for 3 weeks had amalgamated into a boiling rage. “No, you know what’s fucking stupid? You acting like I don’t exist; that’s fucking stupid.”

“I’m not having this conversation.” Roy tried to walk around you to get to his front door, but you side stepped to block his actions, crashing right into him as you did.

A push to his chest and Roy’s face paled slightly. He’d never seen you angry before, let alone like this. “Yes you fucking are, right here, right now, Kent.” You’d only ever called him Roy before, never Kent, it made him want to crawl out of his skin and become someone else - someone who didn’t push you out because he didn’t want you to see him like this. Roy knew that you’d see right through him; and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. “I get you’re going through it, and I get you don’t want anyone to see you like this, but you’re fucking stupid if you think I’m going to let you go through this alone or that I’m going to let you push me out of your life when I’ve only just got my foot in the door.”

“You ever think maybe I don’t want your foot in my door?” Roy scowled, a frown deeply etched on his face. He wanted to smack away the finger that you’d poked into his chest, not because he was angry with it, but because the simple touch had sent sparks flying. “That all those calls, texts and showing up and my fucking house were annoying?”

For a moment to your face fell, and he regretted ever opening his stupid mouth. Maybe if he wasn’t so hard headed he could’ve seen you here, chastised you for sitting out in the rain for him and then invited you in, offered you one of his jumpers and cuddled up to you while he apologised and you got warm again. But that hadn’t happened, and as soon as your face fell, it had hardened again. “I don’t care if I’m being annoying, I care that you’re not going through this alone, that you’ve got someone to look after you, make sure you’re okay.”

Roy was great at many things; playing football, coaching phoebes team on Saturday mornings, cooking a full English or making some fancy dinner you’d never heard of before. But the thing he was the best at was pushing people away. “And what makes you think I need that, huh?”

“I don’t think you even know what you need right now.” The anger in your voice had lessened, but very still very much there. It was unnerving to Roy, having someone care so fiercely about him that it drove them to anger. “So I’ll tell you; you need someone to hold your hand and pull you out of this pit of despair you’ve dug yourself in. You’re still Roy fucking Kent even with a stupid fucking knee injury and with stupid fucking grown out hair that actually makes you look super fucking sexy.”

“Career ending knee injury, incase you forgot.” Roy was just being belligerent now. You were clawing at him and the entire persona he’d created for himself, pulling it apart brick by brick and Roy was terrified. He knew he needed someone to guide him through everything he was feeling; but he hadn’t expected someone else to tell him that. He’d thought, or rather he’d hoped, he’d be able to think about it when he was alone in bed at night and never again. “And you don’t know shit about what I need. What I need is for you to understand-“

“I don’t want to understand, i want you to stay.” The entirety of the anger you’d been feeling had disappeared. “I don’t care if staying means staying at the club or becoming a coach or just letting me be a part of your life still, but please stay, Roy.” The look on your face was genuinely heartbreaking and Roy couldn’t stand himself for the fact he had put it there; he vowed to himself that he was never going to make you feel that way again. “Don’t let me lose you too.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

The anger had come back just as quick as it left you. You’d poured your heart out to Roy and all he could come up with was ‘fuck you’? You weren’t having it. “Fuck me? Fuck me? Fuck you, Roy.”

His hands cupped your face and pulled you to meet him in a kiss before either of you could say anything else. After an initial moment of stilled surprise, you passionately reciprocated, tangling your fingers into Roy’s longer hair and smirking against his lips when a tug to it elicited a groan.

“Do you really think my hair makes me look sexy?” One of his hands moved to rest against the small of your back, the other continuing to cup your cheek with his thumb running over the apple of it.

“Super fucking sexy.” You answered honestly, breathlessly and slightly confused. Ten seconds ago you’d been ready to fight him to prove that he was worthy of the love you were dying to show him, and now? Now your hands were tangled in his hair, his were wrapped around you and you felt like Roy knew you loved him without you ever having to say anything.

“I’m gonna do all of this right with you.” A whispered promise, sealed with the press of another kiss, this time to your temple. The scruff of his grown out beard scratched against your skin, in a way that was strangely comforting and entirely Roy. “Come in, I’ll get you a change of clothes and we can put a movie on, or something.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

#beybaldes summer sleepover !!#roy kent imagine #roy kent x reader #roy kent one shot #ted lasso x reader

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lunarbuck · 2 years ago

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Baby, It's Cold Outside (Stuckyxf!reader)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x f!reader (any race)

WC: 4.3k

Summary: You’ve been friends with Steve and Bucky for quite some time, but when you accept to spend the holidays with them in a cabin, friendship evolves into something more.

Warnings: friends to lovers <3, stucky, fluff, smut (p in v, p in a?), anal, oral (m and f receiving), threesome - F/M/M, polyamory, pet names [doll, baby, princess], unprotected sex

A/N: not only is this my first time writing a Steve fic, it’s also my first time writing for a threesome… please let me know how I did/if this is something you’d like to see more of :) please also let me know if I did anything wrong!!! I want to learn <3 beta’d by the literal best, @lfnr-blog-blog-blog 💕

main masterlist | bucky one shot masterlist | my ao3

The holidays are always a tricky time of year. No one has a perfect family, and even if that problem-free family exists, you bet even they have some trouble around the holidays. You know from experience that the holiday season brings out the worst in people, so when Bucky and Steve offered to have a holiday celebration with just the three of you, you couldn’t pass it up.

You’d gone just a little overboard with their presents, but how could you not? The two of them treat you better than anyone else in your life, and you just want to show them you’re thankful.

So now, as you sit in the backseat of the car, watching the world fly by, you’re thankful that the world brought the three of you together.

You’d been working at the Tower for some time before you ever crossed paths with Captain America and his friend, the Winter Soldier. Honestly, working in legal, it was bound to happen. It was an instant connection, and you’ve been friends ever since. Inseparable, practically attached at the hip.

Steve drives carefully as he eases off the highway and onto a little side road, taking the three of you further away from civilization and closer to the cozy little cabin you’ll be staying in for the next few days.

It’s easy to lose yourself as you watch Steve drive. The way his strong hands grip the steering wheel, the way his blue eyes reflect the bright winter sky. You’d be lying if you said you’ve never thought of him that way. Who hasn’t? He’s America’s golden boy, the man of your dreams.

And Bucky… oh Bucky, your thoughts about him are simply unholy. The quiet, brooding partner to America’s sweetheart. As you’ve gotten to know Bucky, you’ve come to understand that there’s more to him than meets the eye, but you love the darkness that settles just below the surface.

As if he can hear your thoughts, Bucky turns and glances back at you from the passenger seat. “How you doin’ back there, doll?” He asks, a soft smile on his lips.

“Oh, I’m fine, Sarge,” you reply, smiling back. He gives you a wink before turning back in his seat.

You’re not sure how you’ll survive three days in a cabin with the two of them; there are so many variables… so many different ways this could send you up shit’s creek without a paddle.

You’re not going to lie; the past two days have been… tough, to say the least. There have been so many innocent touches and sweet smiles that you can’t tell what’s real and what’s your fantasy anymore.

Tonight is the official gift exchange. You’re excited for the boys to open your gifts; you tried so hard to find the perfect items. After changing into a pair of flannel PJ pants, you make your way out into the cabin’s main room.

You each have your own rooms, but each night you’ve been desperate to sneak into Steve or Bucky’s room and just see what happens. You haven’t had enough courage to do it, and part of you had hoped that one of them would do the sneaking.

You push the thoughts from your mind as the three of you gather in front of the roaring fireplace. There’s a sizable pile of gifts scattered around, more than you’d expect for a group of three, but you certainly don’t mind.

Steve and Bucky both wear similar attire to you, tight short-sleeved t-shirts, Steve in white and Bucky in black, as well as matching flannel pants.

The boys hand out the gifts, making three separate piles for each person. Butterflies flit in your belly as you run your eyes over their straining muscles. Their shirts are too small, and you can practically see everything. But you’re not complaining. No, not one bit.

“Okay, who’s starting?” Steve asks, sitting back on his heels.

“Youngest to oldest,” Bucky suggests, grinning. Steve rolls his eyes but nods, looking to you to pick your first gift.

Torn wrapping paper litters the floor, and Steve waves around the garbage bag again in an attempt to get you and Bucky to clean up after yourselves. The two of you just laugh and crumple up the paper into little balls, chucking them at Steve.

“You keep that up, and I’ll take away the rest of the presents,” Steve scolds, though his smile is big and bright, so you know he’s not upset.

There’s only one gift left for each of you, so once the little paper fight has ended and you all settle down, you begin to peel the paper off your gift.

Inside is a thin black box that you know for sure contains jewelry. Your heart thuds in your chest as you pop the box open. Inside is a simple silver necklace with a beautiful blue topaz stone shaped like a teardrop hanging from the chain. Even though Steve and Bucky have different shades of blue in their eyes, somehow, this stone perfectly encapsulates both.

Tears well in your eyes as Steve and Bucky both move to sit beside you. Bucky sweeps your hair to the side, freeing your neck for Steve to place the necklace.

“What’re you crying for?” Steve asks, brushing a stray tear away from your cheek. You sniffle a little and laugh, wiping your face.

“It’s just the perfect gift,” you reply, looking between Bucky and Steve. The way they look at you is heated, possessive, almost, but you shake your head a little and tell yourself you imagine it.

Bucky lets his fingers linger on your skin for just longer than he should before the two of them return to their seats on the floor.

Steve opens his gift next; it’s from you. He tears open the present like a little kid, grinning from ear to ear. Inside, he finds a new set of paints that were a bitch to find. He’d been talking about trying out a new style, and this one brand of paints would be perfect, so of course, you had to find him.

He gapes at the paints for a moment before wrapping you in a giant hug. “You’re the best,” he whispers into your shoulder before releasing you.

By the time you recover from the embrace, Bucky is already opening his last gift, also from you. It’s a first-edition print of The Hobbit. The way Bucky looks from you to the book speaks volumes, and you’re about to tear up again.

Tonight went so much better than you thought it would. You’re so happy to be here, with them, in this cabin, on a perfect winter night. The snow has been coming in pretty steadily, but you don’t care one bit.

The three of you clean up, casually talking about work and other things happening in your lives, and once the main room is tidied, you realize how late it is.

It’s almost midnight, and Steve never shuts up about his bedtime. Bucky gives him shit for it, teasing him for needing the beauty sleep, but a good sleep routine is necessary for your line of work, so you don’t mind.

But you don’t want tonight to end. Tomorrow, you’ll have to pack up and return to the real world.

Fuck that. Fuck the real world.

“You headin’ to bed?” Bucky asks Steve as the two of them toss the trash bags by the back door. Instead of responding, Steve just stares at you, lips slightly parted. You cock an eyebrow at him, confused.

“It’s way past your bedtime, old man,” you tease, hoping to clear the air of the odd tension that’s fallen over the three of you.

“Why don’t we watch a movie?” Steve suggests, leaning against the wall. “My room has the biggest TV.” Bucky smiles, and you nod along. A movie sounds nice.

Never mind, a movie is torture. Bucky and Steve lay on either side of you, and you’re practically frozen where you sit. If you move even an inch, you’ll be pressed up against a muscular chest. As much as you’d like to be pressed against one of them, you’re not sure how they’d feel about it. Sure, it was Steve’s idea to watch the movie in his room, but that doesn’t mean he was consenting to you being all over him.

Bucky’s vibranium fingers trace little patterns on your arms, sending shivers through you, but you try to pretend like you don’t notice. You’re worried that if you acknowledge it, he’ll stop.

The credits roll on the cheesy holiday movie Steve had picked, and you slowly push yourself upright. You huff a bit of a breath, and both men look at you curiously.

“Well, it’s late,” you say, shifting yourself down the bed to avoid crawling over Steve or Bucky. “I should probably head to bed.” You nearly run into the dresser, feeling around for your slippers.

“Awe, come on,” Bucky practically whines from the bed. “The night is still young.” Even though you can’t see him in the dark, you know he’s wiggling his eyebrows in a way that makes your heart squeeze.

“I– I really can’t stay,” you say, fumbling over the words as you make your way toward the door. There’s movement behind you, sheets rustling, then suddenly, a presence right behind you. If you took a big breath, you’d be pressed against him.

“But baby, it’s cold outside,” Bucky tells you, placing his hands on your hips. His warmth envelops you from behind, begging you to sink into his embrace. You shiver.

“Tonight was,” your voice falters as you search for the words. “Amazing, but really, I should head to my room.”

“Baby,” Steve whispers, suddenly stepping in front of you, blocking your access to the door. “It’s cold outside.”

Even in the darkness, you can see the way he’s looking at you. You could drown in it. The heat of his gaze sends fire sweeping through you; it settles in your belly and makes you ache.

Bucky gently tugs you back into his chest, pressing you against him. Steve closes the distance, and you’re surrounded by them.

“You’re like ice, princess,” Bucky mumbles into your ear, nudging your neck with his nose. “Let us warm you up.”

Steve’s hands cup your jaw on either side, tilting your head up. His bright blue eyes shine despite the lack of light. “Is this okay for you?” He asks sweetly, thumbs brushing over the apples of your cheeks.

“Yes,” you breathe, a weight seeming to lift from your shoulders. Steve leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your lips, sending electricity shooting down your spine. Steve kisses you like he’s tasting you, like you’re a porcelain doll he doesn’t want to damage.

Bucky litters kisses along your neck, sucking and nipping at all the sensitive spots. He’s leaving marks, but you don’t mind. Your right hand reaches out for Steve while your left feels back for Bucky. Both men react to your touch, pressing even closer to you.

“You know how long we’ve wanted this?” Bucky whispers into your ear. Steve keeps kissing you, swallowing the little moan you release. “The day we saw you, we knew.”

Steve releases you from the kiss and uses his grip on your head to turn you toward Bucky. His eyes are darker than Steves’s, not only in color but in intention. It makes your legs feel like jelly.

“I want you too,” you reply, the words slipping from your lips before you can stop them. Bucky grins and leans down, capturing you in a heated kiss. Steve’s hands drift down your neck, feeling the little marks Bucky left before reaching the neckline of your shirt.

You pull away from Bucky only long enough to tug your shirt over your head, tossing it somewhere in the dark room. Steve sucks in a breath at the sight of you in your bra, and you practically glow at his reaction.

“You’re so beautiful,” Steve mumbles, leaving a trail of kisses from your collarbone, down your sternum, and between the valley of your breasts. He kneels in front of you as his fingers find the clasp of your bra at your back. He undoes it and carefully slides the garment off you, exposing you to his gaze.

“Stevie’s been craving you,” Bucky muses at your ear, hands sliding beneath your arms to grasp your tits. His vibranium fingers are cold in contrast to his flesh hand, and you moan at the feeling. “He’s so eager to please you.” His fingers tweak your nipples before heading south. His left hand finds Steve’s head, spearing his fingers through the blond’s hair. “Why don’t you tell our girl what you told me before this trip,” Bucky says to Steve. Your blood rushes in your ears. How is this real?

Steve gazes up at you with stars in his eyes. “I want to taste you,” the man practically moans. “I need it.” Bucky makes a sound, and Steve’s eyes shift to him. That must not’ve been the answer Bucky was looking for.

“Come on, Stevie, tell her exactly what you said.” You reach out and run your fingers along Steve’s jaw, silently telling him that you won’t judge him.

“I need you like I need to breathe, I need to feel you, need to taste you. I want to taste you on Bucky’s cock. I want to taste myself in your pussy.” You were already wet before, but now you’re soaked. The needy tone of Steve’s voice, the possessive grip Bucky has on both of you, it’s almost too much. It’s not quite enough.

Steve brings his lips to your breasts, swirling his tongue around one of your nipples while his fingers play with the other. You lean back into Bucky’s muscular body, and he holds you upright, letting his hands roam your body.

You’ve never been with two men, but the thought had undoubtedly crossed your mind when fantasizing about these two.

“You gonna let him taste you?” Bucky asks, teasing the waistband of your pants, slowly dipping his fingers beneath the elastic. “You gonna give Stevie what he needs?”

All you can do is nod and let Bucky and Steve tug your pants down. They help you step out of the pooling fabric before Steve is pressing his lips against your panties, breathing you in.

His fingers grip your hips and ass, digging into your flesh and muscles. He eats you out over your panties, driving you wild with the need to feel him directly.

“Please, please,” you beg, arching your back to get your point across. Bucky chuckles and reaches down to help Steve pull your panties off. You catch the way Steve balls them up and tucks them into Bucky’s pocket, but you can’t find it in yourself to care.

Steve dives back in without another word, lapping up your arousal eagerly. He works your clit in perfect circles bringing you right to the edge. You’re so worked up that when Bucky bites your shoulder, it sends you spiraling. Your legs buckle beneath you, but they’re both there to catch you as you come down from the high.

“That was perfect, princess,” Bucky praises, kissing you sweetly. You smile into the kiss, feeling him lift you up and place you on the bed.

“Your turn,” you say, reaching out for both men. Bucky groans at your suggestion, palming his erection. He directs Steve to sit on the bed and gets everyone into position. You love how he commands the room; he’s in his element.

You slip off the bed and kneel between Steve’s legs while Bucky kneels on the bed, hips at Steve’s head. What you’d give to be a fly on the wall watching this…

The men both remove their pants and boxers, and you shamelessly ogle them. They’re both built like gods, sculpted from marble and fucking magic. Their cocks are just like the rest of them, and it dawns on you that you have no idea how they’ll fit.

Even so, you reach out and wrap your fingers around Steve’s hard length, bringing his attention down to you. As you begin to circle your tongue around his tip, he tangles his fingers in your hair. He doesn’t push you, just moves with you. Bucky then guides his own cock to Steve’s mouth, and you notice that the more eagerly you please Steve, the harder he works Bucky.

You grin at the power you hold over both of them and work your mouth down Steve’s cock. You take him into your throat until you’re sputtering, and Steve moans around Bucky.

The way Bucky guides Steve’s head has you moaning as you try to replicate the movement. Steve strains around Bucky’s cock but takes him so well. Bucky praises both of you, grunting about how good the two of you are, how perfect you are.

A moment later, Steve pulls you off his dick and tugs you onto the bed. Bucky is repositioning himself as well, and butterflies flit in your tummy.

“We don’t have to do anything else tonight,” Steve tells you, running his fingers down your back. “I don’t wanna push you or anything.” Bucky nods in agreement, vibranium hand cupping the back of your neck.

“This is all pretty new to you; we won’t be upset if you want to take things slower,” he adds.

“What if I don’t wanna go slow,” you reply, sucking in a heaving breath. You want them so bad you’re practically vibrating with need. “What if I need to feel you?”

Steve whimpers at your side, and Bucky moans.

“Fuck, princess, that’s music to my fuckin’ ears.” Bucky kisses you, pressing you down into the mattress. He hovers over you, caging you in. His right hand reaches between your legs and runs along your sensitive flesh. Steve does the same from the other side, two hands working you in tandem.

Their fingers open you up, stretching you in a way you’ve never experienced before. They work without needing to speak, a singular goal in mind.

“You’re doing so good,” Steve praises, running his free hand along Bucky’s back. “So good for us.”

Once Steve and Bucky are satisfied with their handiwork, Steve guides Bucky’s cock to your entrance. “You ready, baby?” Bucky asks, leaning his forehead against yours.

“Yes, please fuck me, Bucky,” you plead as he presses into you. Even though they prepped you, Bucky is still big, and you’ve never taken anything quite so large before. It feels so good as he thrusts deep and hard inside of you.

Your eyes roll back into your head while your hand seeks out Steve, needing the connection. Finding his cock, you wrap your fingers around him and pump at the same speed as Bucky. Steve hisses in a breath at the feeling and bucks into your hand.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, princess,” Bucky moans into your ear, hiking one of your legs onto his shoulder. “So tight for me.” Your mouth falls open, your lips forming an ‘O’ as the band in your belly tightens.

“Oh my god,” you whimper, getting closer and closer to snapping.

“That’s right, baby,” Bucky urges. “Come all over my cock. That’s it; you’ve got it.” You burst at the sound of his words, coating his cock with your orgasm. He keeps fucking you, making you ride the wave for what feels like an eternity.

He pulls out once you’ve caught your breath and tugs Steve down. Steve eagerly takes Bucky into his mouth and moans at the taste. You can’t tear your eyes away from the sight of Steve sucking the cock that had just been buried inside you. It’s the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

“You like what you see, princess?” Bucky asks, one of his fingers drifting to your clit, circling it slowly. “He can’t get enough.”

Bucky guides Steve off his dick, and the two men turn to face you.

“I want both of you,” you whisper, barely able to muster up the courage to admit it. Bucky cocks a brow at you before turning to Steve.

“You hear that, Stevie?” Steve nods, seemingly in a trance. “She wants both of us.” You watch in amazement as Bucky positions the three of you in the way he wants, quickly figuring out where everyone needs to be to make your fantasy come to life.

Bucky then steps away, digs through the bedside table, finds what he needs, then returns. “Okay, Stevie, lay back and let our princess ride you.” Steve does what Bucky asks and helps you straddle his strong hips. You guide his cock to your entrance and sink down on him, watching his face contort as you squeeze his length. He fills you perfectly, hitting spots inside you that make you see stars.

From behind you, you feel Bucky’s fingers, slick from what must be lube, slide against your ass. You shiver at the feeling but welcome it, angling your hips so he has better access.

“You feel so perfect squeezin’ me,” Steve moans from below you, hands reaching out to grope your tits.

“Isn’t she tight, Stevie?” Bucky asks, pressing a finger into your ass. You hold your breath at the feeling, but Steve just whispers calming words to you. You relax into them as Bucky slowly moves his finger.

One finger becomes two, and you ride Steve a bit harder as you warm up to the feeling. He grips your hips and guides you on his dick, working the pleasure from you.

Bucky adds a third finger, and you feel like you’re going to explode, but a good explosion. You’ve never felt so full, and you can’t imagine how amazing it’ll feel when it’s his cock and not just his fingers.

“Please, Bucky, please,” you beg, leaning back against his chest. He kisses your neck and smiles at your neediness.

“You ready for me, princess?” he teases, thrusting his fingers at a quicker pace.

“Fuck yes, Bucky, I need you so bad.” Bucky pulls you into a bruising kiss as he removes his fingers and replaces them with the tip of his cock.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby. For us. Be a good girl and let me in.” Bucky keeps kissing you as he presses his cock further and further inside of you. Steve helps you relax, but you can tell it’s difficult for him. His strokes are getting messy as you get tighter around him.

Only a thin wall separates Bucky and Steve’s cocks, and that just turns them on even more. It turns you on even more.

They pump into you simultaneously, finding the perfect rhythm that makes your heart stutter. You’re at mercy to them, putty in their hands. Bucky and Steve worship you; they chant your name like a prayer.

All you can do is moan and beg, your brain becoming jelly the harder they fuck you. With their supersoldier serum, they last so much longer than other men. They bring you to orgasm after orgasm, pleasing you seems to be their only goal.

“I’m gonna come,” Steve whimpers from below you, fingers digging into your hips with bruising force. “Please, I’m gonna come.” Bucky leans over your shoulder, pumping into your ass with deeper strokes than ever.

“Give her your cum, Stevie; she wants it so bad. Right, princess?” Bucky’s vibranium fingers wrap around your neck, and you come again just from that.

“Oh my god, Steve, please give it to me. Please come inside me,” you moan, gripping Bucky’s arm.

Steve comes on a long, drawn-out moan, sending Bucky over the edge right after. He thrusts into you a few more times before he becomes too sensitive, then they’re both pulling out.

The three of you fall into a heap on the bed, panting and sweating. Bucky kisses you deeply before shifting to give Steve the same treatment. Steve carefully slides off the bed and grabs a warm washcloth from the bathroom to clean up with.

He takes care of you sweetly, ensuring not to irritate your sensitive skin. You clean him up, and together you care for Bucky.

Once you dispose of the washcloth, Bucky and Steve tug you down into bed between them. Your limbs tangle with theirs, and you melt into their embrace.

“You were so perfect, baby,” Bucky whispers against your head, thumb rubbing circles into your arm. “You are so perfect.” Your heart tugs in your chest.

“I hope you know,” Steve interjects, clearing his throat. “We both have feelings for you, more than just for the physical stuff. If you feel the same way, we wanna make this work out in the real world. The three of us.” Your breath catches, and you feel like you’re dreaming. No way is he saying this.

“Really?” you ask, turning to see Bucky’s reaction.

“Really, princess. You’ve been ours since the day we saw you. We’ve just been waiting for you to realize it. We’ll take it slow, it’s not gonna be as easy as a ‘traditional’ relationship, but we’ll make it work. We want it to work for you.” Tears brim in your eyes and Steve kisses your cheek.

“Yes, yes, of course, I want this,” you reply, holding their hands. “Who gives a shit about easy? Nothing is ever easy. As long as we’re in it together, that’s all I care about.”

Bucky’s eyes crinkle in the corners as he kisses you. When he breaks the kiss, he turns you to Steve, who presses his lips to you sweetly. It all feels so natural, so easy.

Even though the winter wind whips at the windows, you’re comfy and warm in the embrace of your two supersoldiers. Nothing could be better than this right here.

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mourningliliesmorningglories · 7 months ago

Text

“Passed Alger Brook Road, I'm over the bridge.”

Remus never thought he’d be sitting on this train once more. In this moment, he’s 14 again. The hills roll by and if he closes his eyes, imagines just hard enough, he can still hear the clamouring and giggling that used to belong here. The train is empty, save for Remus, a special trip just for him. In the worst way, this is all too familiar. Like the trunk remembers the axe, Remus can’t help but feel he is gently travelling towards a terrible thing.

“A minute from home but I feel so far from it.”

Remus had lived in London for so long that the Welsh had been bleached out of his accent. Hope and Lyall were long gone, finally resting. And Remus was alone. Home had always been where his heart had lived. Never Wales though, never a place, always a person. Cariad. Cariad. Cariad. With every beat of his heart, Remus knows where home is. He thinks of James and Lily and Harry. He thinks of a home that once belonged to them.

“The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin.”

He thinks of a home that belongs to him, of a basement with a torn up mattress and a master bedroom with a leather jacket hanging on the back of the chair. Remus could never understand how people could one day lock a door and never open it again. Until he did. Slowly, the cottage grew to be too much, bore a weight so goddamn heavy that Remus shouldered it all. That house held the three people he loved, “love” his mind corrects him. He wonders whether in 11 years of solitude, that house too, would be reluctant to see him again.

“It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again.”

In a way, only Remus could understand why James and Lily had to die. Unfortunately, there is always a greater good. There is always someone, ‘something’ his mind hisses, greater than him. The rage is dormant now. The war is over. Remus knows loss incredibly well, walks hand in hand with her most days. Instinctively, he tightens his grip on his thigh. It serves as a reminder. You survived the war. You lost everyone you love. You are real. You are neither punished nor the punisher. Not anymore.

“The things that I lost here, the people I knew.”

Remus takes a walk along the length of the train. Nostalgia’s sake and all that. The open compartment doors rattle gently and the seats are vacant. For some reason, Remus half expected to run into a brick wall at King’s Cross. He doesn’t know how to exist in this space again, how to walk the halls of the castle without feeling like a ghost instead. Mostly, Remus doesn’t know how he could look into James’ faces and Lily’s eyes again, and see them on someone else.

“They got me surrounded for a mile or two.”

Logically, he knows “No.” is as good an answer as any. He made sure that there were no more favours, no more secrets. Remus knows that from 11, the castle cared for him. He also knows that care and respect go hand in hand. He has no debt to the castle but he does have duty to fulfil. For every man who obeys his duty, there is another who cannot. A prison cell briefly flashes in his mind, then a cupboard under stairs, then a set of silver handcuffs.

“The car's in reverse, I'm grippin' the wheel.”

The train shudders and stops. The sky is dark. Remus’ eyes are closed. He inhales deeply and lets muscle memory take over. His steps now echo down the empty train carriages. He is just as tall as the last time he stood here. This time, he leaves behind four giggling boys. He leaves behind the weight of a head in his lap. The image is superimposed into his eyelids. Remus hopes that everything that ever existed still exists in moments, even though we don’t get them back. The doors slide open and he steps onto the platform.

“I'm back between villages and everything's still.”

For the second time in his life, Remus John Lupin has the sudden and crashing realisation that he is totally and utterly alone.

#harry potter #marauders #i couldn’t stop thinking of them and this song #james potter #regulus black #sirius black #wolfstar #remus lupin #this one has a kick to it #this one right here officer #Remus centric

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espinosaurusrexex · 2 years ago

Note

One saves the other bingo prompt for Bucky

It’s just a little snippet, but it felt good that way :)

One Saves the Other (Bingo Game)

!BINGO ASKS CLOSED!

Grumpy!BuckyBarnes x Sunshine!Female!Reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: angst, confusion, self-sabotage, but a little fluffy too

Bucky liked it better when he was the guy everyone avoided. When everyone was still changing sides of the street as soon as they saw him. When they hated his guts and left him to be his lonely, sorrowful self in peace. When they saw him as the villain - at least villains were left alone. Now? Not anymore.

He’s had a dream about it once. It was a nightmare. One where everyone was talking his ear off day and night, swooning about what a great hero he was. But Bucky didn’t believe it. Just like he never believed in monsters or ghosts, he never thought dreams would come true. Not even the bad ones.

Note to self: being a good person is fucking exhausting. That would be pinned to his bathroom mirror from now on, so he could remind himself to never do something as stupid as today ever again.

But it had happened so quickly, Bucky didn’t even have time to think about it. He saw a woman step into the street and the next second that SUV came speeding down main. He had pushed you away and stopped the damn car with his metal arm - hopefully giving the driver a concussion with the force that idiot hit the steering wheel.

But the actual worst part had just begun. At least Bucky had a hunch it was just the beginning because you were sitting across from him and just didn’t. stop. talking.

“The people were cheering, have you noticed that? Oh my god. You were probably all up in the hero zone, weren’t you? That is so cool!”

His eyes met the ceiling when he rolled his head back on the plush armchair of the café you had dragged him into, insisting, begging, him to let you invite him. The coffee was good but, hell, you were annoying. If only he had let you cross that stupid street. The shameful thought crossed his mind as soon as the following scolding - he wasn’t that evil. He just wanted to be left alone, for god’s sake.

“I can’t believe I’m having coffee with a real Avenger!” He looked at you. Bucky wasn’t an Avenger. But something about the idea made his body feel tingly. What the hell?

“Stop.” Your y/e/c eyes stared up at him, not frightful, attentively.

“Am I annoying you? Oh no, I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”

Bucky just smiled awkwardly. He wasn’t used to this much attention. And he couldn’t possibly fathom why you would want to spend this much time with him. He just pushed you off the road. Everyone would have done so. He just happened to be the fastest. “What I did... what just happened - everyone would have...”

“But they didn’t,” you stated plainly, “you’re my hero.” But there was meaning behind your words. Bucky just couldn’t place it. It stirred something within him. A tingle, a weird feeling in his stomach that made him lightheaded.

“But I’m not.” Special. He looked at the ground, his hands wringing in his lap. Why didn’t you realize it? He was a bad guy. A horrible, horrible person.

You just looked at him with those eyes. He’d seen them once before today. Right after he had stopped the car in the street - admirable, fathoming. But why?

Bucky felt your stare burning his skin, panic and confusion mixing in one over the reason you thought he was anything but the threat Hydra had made him - and how familiar it felt. “I gotta go,” he pressed between his teeth before standing up from the table.

“Wait!” Your hand shot out to hold him back by his arm - his metal arm. “Do you really think that?” Ant that’s when Bucky realized where he had seen the look before. Steve had done the same thing when they met after 70 years of war. That hopefulness mixed with sorrow, empathetic but not pitying. It brought a sense of liking to him, but Bucky didn’t want it. He didn’t want anyone else in his life he could potentially harm. Because that was what he always did - destroy, hurt, shatter.

He couldn’t do it - not today. “Goodbye,” he mumbled and then he broke free from your grasp and left.

-❁-

Now he was in trouble. Bucky had spent all day thinking about you - the mysterious woman that reminded him so much of the person he cherished the most. But you weren’t Steve. You were a stranger. A random person that, for some reason, had his thoughts twisted in one direction straight.

He thought about the way you dragged him into that cafe so shamelessly. The way you showed zero signs of fear around him. The way you talked to him and how you didn't back down even when he shot you down over and over again.

And even though a feeling of utter confusion swept his body the whole time, a little drop of something else mixed with the sensation, sedating him with an urge to just find you again, ask you about it and have his mind be quiet again. Well, as quiet as it would get. At least free from these strange thoughts.

Before Bucky knew it, he had put on his leather jacket and let his apartment door fall shut with moderate force. His muddy boots were shaking the stairs on his way down to the entryway, and soon, he found himself on the same street he had saved you in just days ago.

The sound of traffic still ringing in his ears, he stepped inside and ordered himself a coffee at the counter. The Bucky turned nervously, leaving against the bar top and scanning the room. He hoped to look casual, but his heart was doing weird things as he hoped to find you amongst the people sitting at the table in the cozy cafe.

And, sure enough, there you were, sitting by the window and reading a book. Your knee tucked under your chin and a hot cup of tea steaming on the table in front of you. Bucky couldn't stop looking. His eyes were glued to you. He traced your frame with his eyes, memorized the way your fingers curled around your book, and didn’t even notice how the waitress put his paper cup down behind him. And when he pushed his elbow back, it toppled over. The barista yelped, and your head shot up immediately, eyes inevitably meeting his.

He smiled, and you waved and as Bucky was still processing the little interaction, you had approached him by the counter.

“So I didn't totally scare you off. That’s good to know.” The barista was still cursing behind him, but a look from you calmed her down. It was magical.

Bucky just watched as you ordered him another coffee, almost in awe by the casual movements you made around him as if he wasn’t him.

“Why aren’t you scared?” Bucky asked genuinely, a small shiver of nervousness rushing over his skin at all the answers you could give him. He watched as your hand carefully laid on top of his vibranium one on the bar top. Then you looked at him insistently with a faint smile on your lips.

“I believe people are not what others say they are. They’re defined by their actions. And you... well, you saved my life.”

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shiftingwithjaidyn · 4 months ago

Text

the only thing shifting has done for me is made me more comfortable with death

i know death isn't a necessary part of shifting and you do not need it to shift, but i genuinely believe that's the case for me.

envy and regret were the only things i've ever felt in my journey and that sounds overdramatic, i know, but it's the full truth. yes, i am grateful for the friends i mad and lost along the way, but the amount of positivity in my journey does not come close to the amount of negativity i have gained from it. it hurt me deeply seeing the worst people alive shifting before me and even worse seeing people praising them either without knowing their true personalities or knowing their true personalities and simply choosing to ignore it. everything is so unfair and i'm sick of it.

i was never one of those people who was naturally blessed in their CR. i grew up in a poor unstable household that has caused me numerous trauma and issues. i don't know why my subconscious decided to choose that life for me, but it did, and now i have to face the consequences of my actions because everyone seems to say it was my fault. the only way for me to get out of this life is through death. obviously not a brutal one since my first statement sounded too harsh, but a peaceful death.

i've already tried the normal methods for shifting and none of them seemed to work for me. i tried meditation, intention, studying up on shifting even, and still, nothing. i feel like i've done nothing but wasted my time and energy. so, why not just shift through an effortless way? an easy way out if you will.

whenever i cross the roads, sometimes i don't even bother to look to my left or to my right anymore. whenever i go to close the doors and windows, sometimes i no longer bother locking them. whenever i take long baths/showers, sometimes i find myself imagining the water filling my lungs.

maybe this is just an episode of mine acting out again, but i guess this can serve as an explanation in the future if i ever suddenly stop posting or doing anything in general in this account.

this sounds so much like "victim mindset/complex" (as what majority of the people in my life described me.), but don't i have the right to feel that way? after all the years of abuse, disappointments, and hurt, would you not feel the same? no one has any idea how much i tried ignoring it (and by it, i mean the 3D), but it continues to haunt me over and over again. i no longer want to do that anymore.

i tried asking for help and no one bothered to do so, even my own self didn't bother in any assistance. no one would care if i was gone and i've finally come to terms with it.

i never wanted this life, so why would i continue fighting for it?

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 2 years ago

Text

Unexpected 19

Sequel to Unsolicited

Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, car sex, Lloyd being the worst, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You nestle down on the couch. The house is quiet and dark, only the low glare of the television lighting the front room as you listen to the drone of your favourite Drew Barrymore movie. A shiver rolls through you as you recall the last night you spent in this house, the one that ended in the wet grass.

You still don't know what you were thinking and yet the temptation lingers. You're listless, still lost in the sea of Lloyd's making.

You keep a pillow between your legs to ease the pain in your hips. Ever constant but more obvious with the growing weight of your stomach. You fear one bad night might have you once again bedbound. As if pregnancy isn't uncomfortable enough. You already feel helpless, even without a fetus sucking the life from you.

You rest your hand on your belly and bend your arm under your head. You and Colin never wanted a kid. You liked it just the two of you. You did. Apparently it wasn't enough for him. You sigh away the thought. You shouldn't think about him so much but a whole decade can't just fade away in the bat of an eye. Even Lloyd's.

"So, you're not comin' to bed," he frightens you as he shadow looms behind the couch, hands on the back as he bends slightly over you.

"Yours? No," you answer bluntly, recentering your vision on the television.

He huffs, "I know you're mad but--"

"I'm restless. I can't sleep because the baby..." you retort, "the baby you cursed me with."

"The baby you don't give a fuck about, apparently. Your self-preservation is not your strongest suit, you know?"

He crosses his arms over the back of the couch as he stoops lower. You sniff and let it out slow. You could strangle him, slap him, spit in his face. It's always your fault, he can do no wrong. You didn't ask for any of this. He knows that. If anything, he basks in that fact.

He hums, "it's cold upstairs. And this couch isn't the best for sleeping."

"Are you tryna be a good guy? Too late for that."

"I'm trying to make it up to you--"

You snarl and push yourself up, an awkwardly struggle to roll onto your back that undermines the anger within.

You sneer up at him, "make what up? That you humiliated me? Drag me around the mall and flirt with young girls in front of me? You're the same fucking pervert I met in the shop. Actually, you've proven yourself a lot worse," you snap. "Oh or are you sorry for shoving your dick down my throat until I gagged? You never seemed to mind that before. Wait, wait, I keep forgetting, I said his name. Wow, my god, fuck me for wanting to feel something. Anything!"

You swing your legs over the side of the couch and stand with a grunt, bracing your lower back, "leave me the fuck alone, Lloyd. Mommy's got you presentable but you can't fool me."

"Look, we were both wrong. But you didn't need to try to off yourself. You're not a weak bitch. I know that--"

"Oh, you think that's a compliment," you stomp away. "You'll have to try harder, if you ever try hard at anything besides being a fucking prick."

"Nah, that comes naturally," he follows you into the kitchen. You distract yourself with the fridge as you open it to search for a snack, "you should stay away from too much sugar--"

"Don't you even dare right now," you bark as you let the door shut and roll open the freezer drawer, "ah, here we go."

You take out the tub of rocky road and plop it on the counter. You fish out a spoon and peel off the lid. You stab the spoon into the frozen cylinder and dig away at it impatiently.

"I said sorry--"

"Because mommy told you," you scrape away a spoonful, "I don't fucking buy it, Lloyd. I know you. A little better than I want to."

"Uh, yeah, we are married so--"

"Don't remind me," you shove the spoon in your mouth and lick it clean, "it's a walking nightmare. Not like I don't have enough of the normal kind. Every time I close my eyes, I see your stupid fucking mustache and hear your dumb fucking voice--"

"I'm flattered."

"Of course you are. You're ego can't process what I'm saying," you jab the spoon down again, frustrated as you try to get past the hard surface to a chunk of chocolate.

He's quiet as he watches you. He moves closer, hand dragging across the counter. You focus on fighting the icy quart.

"I was tryna make you jealous. Those girls aren't my type, you know that."

"Not making it better," you growl and turn on him, raising the spoon, "get away from me before I scoop your eye out."

"I'd like to see you try, sweet cheeks," he laughs, "come on, I'm pouring out my heart here, peaches. I only want you, you know that."

"You're an idiot."

He inhales and turns, reaching up to the cupboard and opening the door. He takes out a bowl then slides out the drawer, grabbing the scoop. He runs it under warm water and grabs the tub of ice cream, carving out several balls of rocky road and putting it before you.

"There."

"I don't need your help."

"You need me, whether you want to accept it or not," he insists, "and," he turns to lean on the counter and crosses his arms, dipping his chin down, "indoo."

"Indoo? What gibberish--"

"I need you," he throws a hand up as he raises his head, "okay? Got it?"

You look at him as you spoon up the ice cream. You take a long taste as you consider his avoidant posture. He refuses to even glance in your direction.

"You don't get to just take everything. You, the baby," he talks with his hand, but not to you, "I don't get to find you dead on the lawn. That's not how this works."

"I know exactly how it works, Lloyd, why do you think I went out there?"

"Because you're stubborn as fuck," he snorts, "and that's exactly why I like you, peaches."

You send the sudden movement and you turn, deflecting his hand away from your ass. You tut and point the spoon at him, "ice cream and humble pie isn't gonna wipe the slate clean."

"Can you acknowledge that I'm trying?"

"I can acknowledge that you gave me a snack," you take the bowl and prance away.

"Not gonna return the favour, though, huh?" He trails after you.

"You try to touch me again, and I'll bite something off," you flop onto the couch, "go back to bed, give me some space. That's what you can do for me."

He looms and lets out another heavy breath, "are you gonna come to bed? Eventually?"

You don't look at him, opting instead to stare at the carnival scene playing out on television, "dunno."

He's quiet as he shifts on his feet, "I love this movie, you know? Had a big thing for Drew--"

"Go away," you say sharply, "or did you want me to go sleep in the yard?"

"Fine, fine," he raises his hands, "but... I'm just putting it out there that I changed the sheets and it's all nice and cozy and soft for you. I even freshened up my stache--"

"I'm going to throw this at you in ten seconds," you snarl, "and I'm not gonna be happy about the wasted ice cream."

"Sorry, mistress," he says coyly as he steps back on his heel, "whenever you're ready to spank me--"

You chuck the spoon in his direction and he dodges with a cackle. You shake your head as he quickly retreats.

"I'll be waiting with cheeks ready," he tosses back with another snicker.

"Fucking idiot," you growl as you put the bowl down, droplets of ice cream across your shirt from the angry hurl.

You shake your head as you listen to him go. How the fuck does he always wriggle his way out of these things? Well, you're not gonna let him off that easy.

#unexpected #lloyd hansen x reader #dark lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen #dark!lloyd hansen #drabble #dark drabble #series #dark!drabble #the gray man

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milla-frenchy · 1 year ago

Text

Roads part 7

6k4 | Joel Miller x fem reader Chapt summary: you and Joel's paths cross again, 3 years after the breakup Warnings: 18+ mdni. Infidelity (+ "phone infidelity"), spitting, oral (f/m receving), unprotected piv, ass play, rimming, creampie, ball sucking, cum eating, angst, flashbacks a/n: last chapter of the series. Thank you so much @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog ❤️❤️❤️ Not only for beta-ing me, but for helping me with this last chapter. I struggled a lot with this one. I love you bébé 🫶💕 Spotify playlist | ao3 | Series masterlist | Masterlist

Part 6

You froze when you heard him. You had prepared yourself for the idea of possibly meeting him near Tommy and Maria's house, but not here, in front of the hotel.

You felt your heart racing and your mind thinking about a hundred things at the same time. And the longer you waited, the worse it got.

You wanted to stare at him straight away. Show that the three years were enough to get over him. You took a breath and turned,

“Hey, Joel.”

He smiled warmly.

And of course, he was still as handsome as ever.

Of course, his brown curls, his brown eyes, his dimples were beautiful as always.

Of course, he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that hugged his biceps and showed off his broad shoulders.

Fuck… you thought.

It took all the energy you could muster to pull yourself together.

“How are you, sweetheart?”

Of course, his voice was as deep and drawling as ever. Fuck.

You smiled, “I’m fine. What about you?”

“I’m fine. So glad to see ya."

He took a step closer, and you said “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Yeah…I guess.”

You stayed for a few seconds without speaking, and then you said to him “well...”

“Wait,” he replied. You didn’t move, waiting to hear what he had to say.

“Do you wanna have a drink with me?”

You raised an eyebrow, surprised by the proposition.

“A drink?”, you repeated.

“We have a lot to talk about”, he said, still smiling.

You felt your answer coming, and you thought it might be the worst idea of your life. You saw yourself years ago, at home, when your hands had brushed each other’s for the first time, and you hadn’t been able to resist temptation.

"That's true. Okay, fine."

"Is tomorrow ok? Coffee, my place at 10am?"

"Sure. Do you still live in the same place?"

"I sure do. See you tomorrow, then, sweetheart."

“See you tomorrow, Joel.”

You entered the hotel, and as you walked down the lobby, you were relieved that he hadn't suggested going to a pub. You didn't want to see any familiar people there. Yet you weren’t sure about coming back to his place.

The next day, at 10 a.m., you knocked at his door. You had arrived a few minutes before, trying to prepare for this coming moment. You hadn't slept well, hesitating for a long time to go. You knew the emotional risk you were taking, but every piece of evidence that this was a bad idea was washed away by this damn inability to resist temptation. To resist the urge to know what was going to happen. Aware that this moment could hurt you.

He opened the door, smiled at you, and said “Always so punctual.”

You kissed each other on the cheeks, and his scent - not just his scent, but his smell - reached your nostrils.

“Come on in, please.”

You entered. Nothing had changed in the living room. Your photo was still there. You didn't know what to think about it. You sat down on the couch.

“So how are you doing, sweetheart?”

"I'm doing well. The work is great, things are going very well." You bit your lip, aware of what your sentence implied. You had been at his house for a few minutes and his calm and controlling attitude was taking power over you. You tried to regain control of yourself.

“And how is your work going?”

"Very good. The business is successful. We have several projects underway and some others planned."

"I'm happy for you and Tommy."

He smiled, and asked “Coffee?”

“Yeah sure.”

He went into the kitchen and you felt very uncomfortable. When he came back, you could hear the coffee running in the coffee maker.

"Huh, listen... I don't know if it's a good idea to be here. I don't know why I'm here actually. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude but... I was surprised by your invitation and I don’t know how to act now.”

“'m sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I was happy to see you and… I imagine a lot of memories came back. And… you know I always loved… enjoyed our conversations. I couldn't help but offer you a coffee, so we could talk a little. Is that okay?”

You were definitely NOT ok. Your hands were shaking and he saw it.

“Oh, sweetheart! I’m sorry I-”

“No, that’s ok,” you smiled sadly.

“Let me bring the coffee.”

You stayed on the couch, stunned. You couldn’t believe how terrible your handling of the situation was. Everything inside you collapsed, and you watched the scene helplessly.

Your phone rang but he didn't hear you answer. When he came back, you were heading towards the front door.

“I’m sorry Joel I… it was a mistake to come here. I should go.”

“No, darlin’, please.”

“Don’t call me that.” There was only desperation in your voice. The feeling of having betrayed yourself by coming to his house, knowing full well that it was a bad idea. It was even worse than you could have imagined, your weakness made you want to vomit.

He grabbed your wrist as you turned towards the door and you didn’t even try to push him away. You turned towards him, face down, and he saw a tear running down your cheek.

“Oh, baby...”

He took you in his arms. You wanted to pull away but he tightened his grip. Not too strong. Not forced. Just enough to make you understand that he really, sincerely wanted to console you.

You finally released the tension, letting yourself go into his arms and hugging his waist with yours. Then you pulled away, and he let you step back.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, Joel. It makes me emotional to see you. I thought I would have handled it better.”

He took your face in his hands and raised it to his. The feeling felt so familiar to you that you didn't even think about stopping his action.

“Listen to me, sweetheart. You know I didn't come across you by chance. I wanted to see you. Not to hurt you. I knew it was now or never. I have never gone against your wish not to contact you. And when I let some time pass, at the time, and I wanted to go to your house - even if you wouldn't have liked it - I found it empty. No curtains on the windows. You were gone, and I felt empty. Although I understood that you needed to cut ties with everything. As you can see, I acted differently.” He moved his head scanning the room, finally stopping at the photo of the two of you on the sideboard.

You were lost. So lost. It would be so easy to let go of everything, let go of your fears, forget why you broke up. Kiss him. You were intoxicated with him, and it came back so quickly. As if you had seen each other the day before, still being together. You wanted to let him comfort you, let his arms wrap around you, listen to everything he had to say. Whatever song it would be. Anything that would make you feel good, right now. But flashbacks hit your thoughts, and hit your heart. There was no point in lying to yourself about the ambivalence of your feelings right away. There was no point making him believe you were strong, that you no longer felt anything. He must have felt the opposite 2 minutes after you entered his home. So you played the transparency card, because you knew that despite your history, he could hear it, and there was no point in lying to him. Not when you were face to face, your cheeks in his hands again, and his deep gaze on you.

“Listen, Joel... Our break up has been really hard for me. I'm sorry I didn't want to show you all that. I'm such a mess right now and I don't have the right to show you that side. So that's why it would be better if I left."

"Don't say that, please. Please don't leave. I know that our break up has been brutal. I've been a coward, you were right. I was so afraid of my feelings that I didn't know what else to do. All this time I haven’t been able to forget you."

"Stop it, please."

Your phone rang again.

"You wanna answer?"

You shook your head.

"Listen. I'm not trying to hurt you. I never wanted to. Can we just... spend the morning ? And talk?"

"It's not a good idea."

"I miss you."

"Fuck, no. Don't tell me that. You… you don't have the right to tell me that. You ended our relationship. You had your reasons, and it happened. But don't tell me that.”

“I ended it not because I didn't love you anymore. I did it because I loved you too much.”

“It's fucking bullshit, Joel. It’s immature as fuck. I thought so then and I still think so now.”

You shook your head. “It’s pointless.” You pulled away from him and he grabbed your wrist again.

“Fuck, Joel…I’ve been through hell. I can't go back there.”

He removed his hand, but said “I’ll let you go, if I’m sure that’s what you want.”

"Excuse me?"

“I hear what you say to me, but I feel something else. Your body, and your heart, say the exact opposite of what your mind says. And… right now, I just wanna hold you against me.”

“Are you mad? After what I just told you? Don’t you even care?”

He approached slowly, and placed his hand on your cheek. Without you backing down.

“Joel?”

“Stronger than me, sweetheart.”

He placed his hand on your lower back, and kissed you gently before pulling back and saying again, “I can’t help myself,” in a soft voice. “I hear what you say to me, but I see the way your body reacts. Your mind speaks, but so does your heart. And they say the opposite. I'm not trying to trick you. But what we had is still there. You feel it too, don’t you? You’re fighting it, but you feel it.”

You stared at each other and felt a tear run down your cheek. He wiped it with his thumb.

“Remember when you used to ask me who I belonged to when we fucked, Joel? That no one could fuck me like you? You were right. No one can. How pathetic is that?”

“It’s the same for me, darlin’.”

He kissed you again, and after a few seconds you placed your hand on his neck before pressing yourself against him.

“You’re gonna break my heart again”, you said.

“I don’t wanna do that. Trust me, baby, ok?”

He took your hand and you said “Joel… Besides what I told you, there is something else. I am not single. Part of me doesn't care, obviously.”

“Is it serious? Or is it someone I know?”

He couldn't say his name.

“Someone you know.”

He frowned and took your hand. “We’ll talk and deal with it later.”

“Are you in a relationship?”

"No. I haven't been since you. Nothing serious.”

You looked at him, and you knew that it was over for you. He was right. Your mind and your heart were polar opposites, and your mind was no longer a match. You wanted to feel him against you. Feel his reassuring embrace. You wanted to feel his mouth and his hands on you. The consequences didn't matter, just as in the beginning of your relationship.

He held out his hand to you and you slipped into his arms. Nose in his neck. You thought you'd never smell him again. Never feel his skin under your fingers again. His hands on your back.

You couldn't stop him anymore. Couldn’t stop you either. The memories were rushing through your head. The good ones, and there were a lot of them.

You kissed, and when you pulled away from him, you took his hand and looked at him, before leading him towards his bedroom.

Once in the room, you placed your phone on the nightstand. The photo you took one morning was still there. He reached for you and held you in his arms. You felt his cock against you. Hard. You groaned. The sensation made your panties immediately wet. God, how much you missed it.

“I need to feel you, baby, I really, really missed you. When I saw you yesterday, my heart leapt in my chest. I need to touch you and kiss you. Is that okay?”

In response, you put your arms around his shoulders and buried your face in his neck again, before rubbing your cheek against his.

“Fuck, I missed you so much, sweetheart.”

He hugged you tighter against him again. Joel's heart was on the verge of implosion. He took your hand in his before placing it against his chest. “You feel that?”

You nodded.

“Do you want me to stop?”

You shook your head.

He looked at you and stroked your hair. He kissed your forehead then your cheek. He looked at you again, to check how you were doing. But you had switched. You just wanted to feel good, right away.

“Kiss me,” you said.

And he kissed you. Slowly, like you were a lost treasure that he had just found. And you breathed each other. You brushed your noses together, to remember the sensations from before. He looked at you, and you were so fragile in that moment.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done.”

You looked at each other intensely and he hugged you again. You pressed your pussy against his cock. And the physical tension rose, strong.

He took off your shirt, then his own, before holding you against him and feeling your skin. He removed your bra and took your breasts in his hands, caressing them gently. His mouth came down to take one of your nipples, and you slipped your hands into his hair, moaning.

Then he stepped back, and took off his jeans and boxers at the same time. You looked down and gasped when you saw his cock again. His big cock, which had made you cum so many times.

You were unable to move, so he came closer to you and took off your pants.

He left your panties on, first. He looked at you, kneeling in front of you and you caressed his cheek.

He placed a kiss on your pussy, covered by your panties. You shook.

He slid your panties down your legs before removing them completely. His nose slipped between your folds, before coming to caress your clit.

“Fuck,” you said. “Joel….”

“Shhh, baby,” he replied, before getting up and leading you to the bed, holding your hand. He asked you to lie down then settled himself between your legs and placed his hand against your pussy, feeling its warmth and wetness. He swallowed and said “Fuck, sweetheart… can’t believe I’m gonna eat you again.”

He placed his large hands on the inside of your thighs and pressed them so that you spread them even further. You were completely open, your pussy glistening with your wetness.

He grunted and said “Fuck. You’re so fuckin' soaked.”

His mouth came to rest against your hole, and as he breathed through his nose, his tongue slipped inside your folds. You instantly arched your back, finding that familiar feeling again. No mouth, no tongue, could fuck you as well as he did. And in that moment, it didn't make you sad anymore. You were just enjoying the thousand sensations coursing through your body. You tried to press your thighs even more against the bed, to open yourself even more. Letting him search every corner of you. Giving him as much access as possible.

He licked your clit gently, with the tip of his tongue, while his hands held your pussy open in the filthiest way possible.

He pulled back to look at your pussy. “God I missed it, baby. So much. You taste so good.”

He ran his tongue from your hole to your clit, collecting all the wetness he could. “Fuck…”

He became more and more feral, not knowing if he wanted to focus on your clit or your wet hole. He alternated between the two of them, until he slipped a finger into your pussy, and added his tongue at the same time, fucking you with both of them, spreading you open with his hand.

“You missed it, baby?”

“Yeah… yeah I missed it, Joel.”

He added a second finger, before focusing his tongue on your clit. He heard your breathing quicken. Your hands, caught in his hair, contracted more and more.

“Be a good girl for me, come on my tongue”, he murmured.

He fucked you faster with his fingers, held his mouth around your clit and swirled his tongue around and over it, until the orgasm gripped you. Your pussy clenched around his fingers and you dug your nails into his scalp, saying “oh my god…fuck.” He removed his fingers from your hole and replaced them with his tongue, lapping up all of your wetness until your spasms stopped.

He kissed you, and slid his fingers between your lips. Your tongues sought each other between his fingers.

"I'm gonna fuck you now baby."

“Wait… I wanna taste you too.”

"Later baby, ok? Later I'll fuck this pretty mouth. But right now I wanna fuck your pussy. My cock wanna hear your pussy screaming for it."

You looked at him and nodded.

He lined himself up at the entrance to your pussy, and pressed gently to get his tip inside. You gasped, at the feeling of his thick cock entering you.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?”

“Yeah baby, don’t worry. I can take it.”

He nodded, and pushed again, gently, without stopping. Inch by inch, his gaze boring into yours the whole time. Until he hit the bottom. He kissed you, cock buried deep in your pussy.

Then he pulled back slowly, before thrusting in again, harder. You felt his balls tapping against your pussy. He hooked his arms under your shoulders, using them as leverage to fuck you harder. You moaned into his ear, your arms wrapped around him.

Your phone rang again. He watched the name appear and frowned as you turned your face towards him.

“Answer”, he growled.

"What?"

"We don't want him to worry about you, baby. Right? Pick up, and tell him you're ok."

It was fucking twisted, you knew it. But his possessive side was turning you on. So you picked up.

"Hello?" "Hey, love. I was worried, couldn't reach you. Are you ok?" Joel grabbed your chin with his hand making you look at him. “Y…Yeah, I’m ok. Sorry,” you said. Joel put his hand over your mouth and pounded you, eyes fixed on yours. It was his way of making you understand that after all these years, you were still his. And you couldn't deny it. The minute he fucked you again, you knew it too. You could never belong to someone else as you belonged to him. As you were his. You were dazed and didn't even try to remove his hand or to make him understand that he had to stop, that it was fucked up. You barely heard what Stefan was saying to you. Joel slowed down and then removed his hand. “Sorry, what?” you said. “Are you sure you’re ok?” Joel had his hand back on your mouth and was pounding you again, harder. Looking at you so intensely. Then he removed his hand again and gestured for you to answer your boyfriend. “Yeah. Sorry I'm at Tommy and Maria's. I’ll call you later, okay?” “Okay, love. Be safe.” He hung up.

“Fuck, Joel…”

“Now he won’t worry anymore.”

His eyes were darker than ever. He kissed you then withdrew almost entirely, before sinking into you all the way. You groaned.

“Touch yourself,” he said.

You wet your finger in your mouth before rubbing your clit, while he moved away to look at your finger, and your bodies which were one.

“Joel… I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum.”

“Together, baby.”

You nodded. And you came together, his cock buried in your pussy. You barely heard him say “Good Girl. My fuckin… good girl.”

He stayed inside you, wanting to feel you as long as possible, and said “Jesus, baby….”

He finally pulled out and lay against you, holding you in his arms.

“God, it feels like yesterday.” You looked at each other and smiled.

You stayed like that for a few minutes, without speaking. Then you said softly “I’ve never cheated before.” He took your chin in his hand to lift your face and kissed you.

“I know. I’m sorry sweetheart.”

“Really?”

He looked at you like you were setting a trap for him then he sighed before replying “I know I was an ass about him. That I didn't handle things the right way. Tommy told me about him and said you smiled less around him. I imagine that played a role.”

“I didn’t know he told you that?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t say I wouldn’t have acted the way I did, in any case.”

You ended up falling asleep. As if finding yourself had made all your senses relax, all the tensions in your bodies dissipate. He woke up a couple hours later, the rays of the early afternoon sun warming the room. He was alone in the bed. He got up, and entering the living room, he saw you lying on the sofa, facing the window, under a blanket.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah…I got thirsty and fell in love with the view. Again."

“Can’t blame you. May I?”

"Sure."

You sat up to make room for him and he sat behind you, his arm draping over your chest so you leaned against him. You were both naked.

Both of you were looking at the window, the wind was making the branches of the trees dance.

He stroked your arm gently, and rolled your hair between his fingers.

You didn’t speak, just enjoying the moment.

Then you stood up and held out your hand, asking him to go back to the bedroom with you. He followed you as you walked before him. His gaze landed on your ass and his already semi hard cock became hard instantly.

Once in the bedroom, you turned around and saw his eyes on your ass, then on your pussy. You saw his erected cock. You stared at each other.

“Lie down on the bed,” you told him.

Once he was lying down, you came to straddle him, grabbed his cock in your hand and impaled yourself on it in one go, slowly.

“Oh, god,” you said, “Your cock is so fucking thick, Joel.”

He looked at you, biting his lip, hands on your hips. In love. As if you two never broke up.

You leaned towards him and pressed his chin to make him open his mouth. You continued to roll your hips, riding him. Your eyes fixed on his, you made your saliva drip into his mouth. “Fuck babe… I love that”, he said after swallowing it. You heard him moan as your tongue entered his mouth and caressed his.

“Fuck, sweetheart, it’s so good… I missed you so much.”

“Joel…we’re not…”

“I know, baby. I know.”

You didn’t know how to handle these words, which already called for an “after”. You didn’t want to think about “after”.

You tilted your pelvis so that your clit rubbed against his lower stomach, and you grabbed his cheeks in your hands before kissing him. You moaned into his mouth. He caught your tongue between his lips and sucked on it, before releasing it and nibbling your upper lip.

You straightened your torso to stand up straight, and for his cock to go deeper inside you. His hands, previously placed on your hips, came to cover your breasts.

“Touch me Joel, please.”

He placed his thumb against your clit and twirled it under his finger, and you placed one of your hands on one breast, and the other on his own hand, still covering your breast.

“Oh Joel…”

“Come for me, I got ya. You’re doing so well, darlin’.”

Your upcoming orgasm washed over you even faster, hearing him. Unable to continue your movements, he took over, rolling his hips gently while you came, collapsing on his chest.

“I wanna fuck you rough now, baby. On all fours.”

“You’re so beautiful, baby…” he said, watching you on your hands and knees.

He took his cock in his hand, before pressing it against your pussy. He hesitated and pulled back, before coming to lick you from your pussy to your asshole. You groaned, and bent your elbows, resting on your forearms with your ass in the air. Giving him free access.

You heard him groan too, as he spread your ass cheeks with his hands and continued to lick you up and down. Then, lingering more and more on your ass.

“You missed that too, baby?”

“Yeah… continue, please. Get your tongue in my ass, Joel.”

He focused on your ass, pressing his tongue against it then working it in little by little.

“I can’t wait any longer sweetheart…need to fuck you.”

He came to position himself at the entrance to your pussy and penetrated you suddenly, his hands clinging to your hips. In one go, as he loved to do. And how you loved it too, in a way that left you breathless.

He dropped his saliva onto your ass, watching the thin stream slide down to your ring. He pressed it in with his thumb and pushed his first knuckle into you.

You bit the pillow from the sensations you felt.

“You’re gonna give me another darlin’,” he told you.

“I…I don’t know if I can, Joel.”

“Of course you can, baby.”

He slid his hand up to reach your clit, and changed the angle as he fucked you, to tap against your G spot. He was fucking you so rough, so hard and deep.

“Fuck…damn, Joel.”

The emotions you felt began to overwhelm you and you were no longer able to formalize what you felt, unable to articulate meaningful words.

“Oh, baby… I missed fucking you stupid like that. Come on my cock baby. Now. Come for me.”

His voice was softer and lower than ever. You released yourself, and even though you thought you wouldn't make it, another orgasm was coming.

“Fuck yeah baby… I knew you could give me another one. Come on baby. Come on my fucking cock.”

He began to spurt his cum into you, his spasms triggering your own orgasm. The spasms of your pussy milked his cock as he stayed buried as deep as possible inside you.

Both of you showered, like you did before, so often. Washing each other. You slid his cock into your soap covered hand. You ran your hand between his balls, eyes fixed on him.

The rest of the day passed with you talking, sitting on the couch. About Sarah, your job, your apartment. You didn't mention the rest. Not your feelings, not what would happen next. Joel asked you if you wanted to sleep at his place and you went to the bedroom, even though it was still early. You faced each other, his hand resting on your hip.

“You promised me something this morning,” you told him, as you gently pressed his shoulder so that he rolled onto his back.

“Take what you want from me, sweetheart.”

You smiled, as you settled down, your head between his legs. You took his cock in your hand before jerking him off. “I missed that cock, baby”, before adding “I want what’s mine.”

He looked at you, with dark eyes, and he placed his hand on yours, accompanying your movement.

You looked at him before running your tongue over his tip, collecting his precum on your tongue. You swallowed, getting his salty taste in your throat, before placing your lips around the tip of his cock.

You sucked on him, your mouth moving further and further down his shaft. His hand remained placed on yours.

“I missed your mouth, baby. No one can blow me so good.”

You groaned, hearing him, trying to freeze the thought in his mind. You looked at him before coming to caress his balls with your free hand. You released your mouth from his cock and ran your tongue from the top to the bottom of his shaft. You swallowed one ball with your lips, continuing to jerk him, before moving on to the other.

“Fuck, darlin’,” he said.

“You’re gonna come in my mouth, baby?”

“Yeah… gonna ruin your mouth with my load.”

“Go on, Joel. Fill my mouth.”

You took him back in your mouth and let him jerk off, the tip resting on your tongue.

“Fuck… Fuck, baby… I’m gonna fill your mouth. Such a good girl for me. I want you to swallow all of it, OK?"

You stuck out your tongue even more visibly and waited.

“Fuck… I’m gonna… Oh god…”

Cum spurted out against the back of your throat. You closed your lips around his cock and kept your eyes fixed on him as you swallowed every last drop.

“Fucking hell, babe…come here.”

You crawled towards him to kiss him, mixing your saliva and the rest of his cum. You pressed yourself against him, his arms embracing you.

The sun was setting and the room was filled with darkness.

“We need to talk Joel… I think.”

“Sure, sweetheart.”

“Like I told you, I went through hell. Literally. I don't want to go back there. The separation that we experienced will happen again. Because things are the same as they were three years ago. So… can we agree that this won’t happen again? We enjoy this moment, and we tell ourselves that it won't happen again.”

“Can we take a moment to slow down? Just… enjoy the moment and talk about it all with a clear head? I don't want it to end, baby. I didn’t do it to let you go. I don’t wanna let you go. Spend the night with me. Please. And we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“Okay,” you said.

You were tired, and weren’t sure if discussing it coldly would change things. You didn't know how the root of the problem could go away.

Joel woke up during the night, your place was cold.

He went into the living room, but you weren't there.

He felt his heart tighten and anxiety overcome him as he returned to the bedroom. He saw a paper you left on the nightstand “I can’t. I'm sorry."

You left while he was sleeping. He held his head between his hands, desperate. He knew he really screwed up the day your relationship exploded. He was afraid of everything and thought it would be easier to be apart, to ignore his feelings, and to silence the fear of losing you.

But feelings don't work that way. They always come back to hit us, in the more or less long term. For him, it came back quickly. The time to let go of his fears and let his heart feel again. And he was hurt. Badly.

Having realized his mistake he came to your house a few weeks later. Ready to do anything to get you back. As he parked in front of your house, he couldn't believe what he saw in front of him. The house seemed empty. The mailbox was full of flyers. “No!” he thought. He ran to your window to look into the living room. Empty. He hit the tile and thought he was going to fall to his knees in the street. He ran back to his car and went to Tommy and Maria's house. He pounded on their door until it opened, Tommy in front of him. “Where is she?” Joel asked. Tommy stepped aside to let him pass. “She’s gone, Joel.” Joel grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the wall. “What the fuck, Joel?” Maria shouted. “What do you mean she’s gone?” He wasn't listening. He couldn't listen. Tommy grabbed Joel’s wrists and pulled himself free. Joel's face was twisted in pain. “She’s gone. She couldn’t stay there any longer.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because she didn’t want to. And she warned me at the last moment.” "It's impossible.... Tommy… Fuck… Do you have her address?” "No. Not for the moment. And if I had it I wouldn’t give it to you. But Joel… She left the town, and changed jobs.” "What?" “She did everything by herself.” “How long have you known?” "One week. After she moved.” “And you haven’t said anything to me this whole time? It’s a fucking nightmare.” “Really, Joel?” Maria said. Joel looked at her, taken aback. “Are you really surprised that she wanted to put distance between you? That she wanted you to disappear from her life? Are you that blind?” “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about our story.” “Really, Joel? I know enough to know that you hurt her more than anyone. You hated her ex but he didn’t hurt her. He may have taken away her smile, but you took away her oxygen. You've been way worse to her than anyone.” “Maria!” Tommy said. "That's enough." Joel plopped down on the couch. “Listen, Joel, she made me promise to ask you not to call her. She doesn't want to hear from you anymore. It’s her way of handling things and protecting herself. You have to respect that. It's over."

Your note in his hand, he thought back to that moment at Tommy and Maria's.

The fact that he respected your request. He hadn't contacted you, fearing that you would change your number. He preferred to still have this bond with you, even if he didn't use it.

The days and weeks following your departure, he was a wreck. He threw himself into work, but he never wanted to forget you. He left everything as it was at home. Photos included.

Until yesterday.

Until now. And this time, he wasn’t going to let you go without fighting.

He took his keys and drove to your hotel. Hoping you would still be there.

He knocked on your door. Luckily the number had come up in the conversation the day before. You smiled because it was the same number as the day Tommy and Maria’s baby was born.

“Who’s there?”, you asked.

“It’s me.”

You sighed and opened the door.

“Joel…why are you doing this?” You were tired and sad. You stepped aside to let him in.

“I know I screwed up 3 years ago. We have to burst the abscess. We need to talk about it and tell each other everything.”

“I don’t think there is more to say. You don't want to commit, you're afraid of losing the people you care about. We broke up twice because of this. I don’t want a third time.”

“I am no longer the same. I have changed in the last three years. Our breakup, your departure, they changed me. I realized that you were really gone. That I messed up by not fighting for us.”

“I gave you everything - heart, mind, soul and body. After our breakup I felt empty. When I fuck someone I miss you. What we had. I'm in half of my life and I feel that we missed each other. We crossed, but we missed. It's so fucking sad and pathetic, knowing that I feel empty when I fuck someone, no matter who the person is."

"I won't let you go without doing anything I can this time. I will do everything I can to keep you with me. Can I ask you a question? Without ulterior motives.”

"Yes."

“Why do you say you can't give us another chance, when you and Stefan broke up several times? And now you're back with him again? Why could you try several times with him, and not with me?”

“Because I don’t feel the same for him. I don't risk anything with him, emotionally. It’s meaningless.”

“Is that what you want? Meaningless?”

“No. Of course not. You know it. It's just… easier, in a way. But I would never have got back with him while we were together.”

He nodded.

“I won’t let you go. Not this time,” he murmured.

“It’s… it’s not really up to you.” You hesitated when answering, because of the confidence in his voice.

“I can’t let you go without trying again.”

You sighed.

“I'm fucking exhausted. D'ya wanna go to sleep?”

He didn’t see that coming, but he was glad you proposed. “Sure.”

In bed, you turned on the other side, wearing a shirt and panties.

He didn't want to pressure you so he kept his distance from you and fell asleep. He woke up a few times that night, and he watched you sleep.

He was struggling, not touching you. He fell asleep again.

Once, you woke up when he was sleeping. You looked at him. You were still in love with him. Deeply. You knew it, deep inside. And you were wondering if you shouldn't let go of your decision. If you shouldn't do what your core wanted- go back with him, no matter what.

You wanted to touch his cheek, but you turned on the other side.

You woke up again, a few hours later. He was asleep pressed against you, your back to his chest. His cock rested against your ass, in his boxers. You stroked his hand and heard him groan, as he was waking up. You turned towards him.

“Sorry,” he said. “I must have… hugged you in my sleep.”

“You really wanna fight for us?”

He looked at you intensely. “Yes, sweetheart. I swear."

You hugged him, nuzzling against him. He kissed your forehead.

“Okay,” you said.

You had no certainty. You didn't know what the future would bring. But if you could overcome his demons and yours, you figured it was worth a try.

“Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life”

(Taylor Swift - Don’t blame me”)

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