#i just can't anymore i'm not happy
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i am very depressed rn gotta vent in the tags
#feeling extremely unfulfilled#i'm currently visiting my grandma with my mom#and being deadnamed and misgendered constantly for a week does numbers on me#but i'll be out of here in a few days and i'm both excited about it and dreading it#i needed a break from everything but now i'm getting really tired of my family#but on the other hand once i get back from my trip i have 4 days to move out of my shit apartment#and god i hate moving so much#also just depressed because my brain is convinced i can't really get what i want. especially in my dating life#the only people that want me are fucking miserable to be around#on one hand you got absolute assholes i don't associate with but on the other you have people with really bad abandonment issues#and they'll get really fuckin pissed at you if you leave because they're placing all responsibility for everything in their life on you#and i know i shouldn't put myself through that and a few friends have told me it isn't healthy for anybody involved#but it's difficult when the other person is friends with most of your other friends#and i don't feel like i can leave because those friends don't want me to#there's no easy solution to anything it feels like#i wanna just dump him. i dumped him once before but somehow ended up back together. and he's sweet and a good person#but i'm so exhausted. and i don't feel like i can leave because he'll just freak out and get really angry at me again#it's super unhealthy i know#idk man i wanna go but he just wants to keep me around forever#i just can't anymore i'm not happy#but i'll be the bad guy if i break things off and i won't have any friends
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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature
#bingqiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#svsss#sqq#lbh#my art#which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading#and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4#i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this#i was promised a story with my snake boy#because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS#anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them#i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh#i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels#but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen#though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again#if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story#but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P
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The intensity of his stare
#i can't do this anymore#i swear making eye contact with him would just heal me#i think i would desintegrate right on the spot#also i'm happy cause making gifs felt fun again after a long time 🖤#papa emeritus iv#copia#papa iv#papa 4#popia#the band ghost#ghost bc#papa copia#ghost band#eye contact#my gifs
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For the record, I did figure that out a long time ago, it just gets funnier the more time passes
#My art#This was supposed to be a humble text-only shitpost on side but I convinced myself it'd be funnier if I drew it#I'm not sure it's actually funnier but oh well it's done already#Needed an easy shitpost to draw so here you go#Also yes yes I know most people get over the innitial discomfort and learn to love their bodies etc the documentary wasn't really lying#This silly little shitpost is about my personal feelings and not a universally true and factual statement about the human experience#Legit can't remember the actual documentary anymore so I can't tell if this is my memory just being faulty and making shit up or not#But I got the feeling the lady from the interview was like. Telling herself that. Like. Are you sure? Honey are you sure you're happy? Fr?#EDIT: Changed the second last panel because I was so annoyed with how I had put the emphasis on the wrong word lmao
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thinkin about sora's parents again...
continuation of mom art from forever ago
#my art#soriku#i wanted to capture some of that softness from the og but idk i can't draw like that anymore lmao#I'm also not too happy with some details and proportions but I've been staring at this on and off for like 3 months so just take it#it's as good as it's gonna get!! hdfgkjdhg#i will try again in the future...#if anyone wants Parent specific thoughts just lmk and i'll share#workin on riku's parents but running into similar issues... im not...strong enough....
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What was Ish and Lena's relationship?
I made so much for this ask, don't look at me 🫣
The two trolls had a short summer romance at a "no boarders" music festival called Fusion Fest. Back then it was a pretty new and small thing, and the point of the festival is for trolls from all genres to come together and enjoy each other's music and company; celebrating togetherness and acceptance.
(Yes, I made a logo. 😅 This festival is a major annual event for the mixed trolls in my AU.)
Ish and his friend group went to check it out because they're already a colorful ensemble of different genres, and they were curious to see what it was about.
Lena and her friends somehow caught wind of the festival in their backwater village where nothing new or exciting ever happens, and they decided to go to rebel against their closed-minded, racist parents and community, but mostly because they were bored teenagers who'd never seen any trolls other than Rock Trolls before. Despite them wanting to experience something new, their reason for going was very much NOT the point of the festival; They were treating it more like a freakshow to stare at, and them rebelling against their parents was more just to anger them and not because they were any better...
In my mind Lena is very attractive (in a trashy, grunge kind of way), and a 16-year-old Ish immediately got a crush on her from across the room.
He put his Funk moves on her and left her completely flustered from how forward he was. I imagine he was really charming and smooth, but also I can't stop cringing and comparing it to bird mating dances lmao.
(The song Ish is singing to Lena. It makes it feel extra perfect because I just happened to learn the singer was also a 16-year-old when recording it!)
Lena didn't fall for him as hard as he fell for her at first, but she's one of those girls who will go for any bad boy that looks intimidating, and she thought funk trolls were scary and intimidating, because she was subconsciously racist herself too. 🧍 She did really start to like him after they hooked up though, and started liking him for him (so at least she was learning...)
But then they were faced with an unexpected surprise one morning after waking up from a night of concerts and partying (and mixing of substances that shouldn't be mixed)...
Ish panicked hard, he even tried getting rid of the egg, claiming it had to be a dud given the circumstances, but Lena stopped him saying she felt it move. Thank god, because Leslie hatched only minutes later.
Ish was so freaked out that he abruptly left and headed back to Funk Kingdom in the same day, and just abandoned Lena with the baby.
Lena was also very scared but she immediately warmed up to little Leslie and had no intention of dropping him off at an orphanage or doing something similar, despite her friends' encouragement to do just that, claiming her parents were going to kick her out if she showed up back home with a mixed baby.
I'm thinking Ish did try to reach out to Lena by sending her a letter a few weeks later (he got her address before the egg thing happened), but the letter never reached her because she really was disowned and kicked out of her parents' house when she came home and refused to give her baby up...
So Lena never heard from Ish again, and the next time Ish heard about Lena was about 9 years later when Leslie turned up looking for him with his baby brother, and he learned that she was gone...
(Ish having a weird day where he went out after Kymani poorly relayed a confusing phone call from the police station, and later came back home as the sole caretaker of two neglected kids.)
#i can't look at this post anymore. i spent too much time on it. i just gotta send it out into the world#i started losing steam so some of these drawings i'm not super happy with...#but it's already the middle of august yeesh. i've been really busy. and sick since monday :'(#my art#trolls#dreamworks trolls#ex bandmates#i didn't specify. but ish was 16 and lena was 17#les was my og crack baby which is why i didn't want to repeat the idea in story with floyd's techno kids#those guys exist only in a vacuum now#trolls oc#ish#lena#les#bug sized baby les and his three sparkling pickles my beloved#hed#grunge trolls#funk trolls#jenga#adewale#benji#ska trolls#afrobeat trolls#so many ocs holy shit
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Once again I offer you art that I didn't post when it was made✌🏻 One thing I have learned is to never throw away your art because even if you don't immediately like it you might some day
#and this isn't to say I don't cringe at some of my old art 😂 I think that's just an inescapable part of the experience#I think it's mostly perfectionism that stops me from liking some of my drawings#because fairly often I just randomly find a drawing that I actually really like but never posted cause I deemed it not good enough#and then later I'm like “so what if there are weird mistakes that stick out to me. If someone else had drawn this would I think this way”#and I see the parts that stopped me from posting a piece and am like why did it seem so important back then#I love looking through my old art and being like I'm so glad I drew this#especially if it's something I had forgotten about#idk what brought this art ramble on ig I'm just happy to find joy in creating when there's so much a i bs going on#also the paper this is drawn on literally has “why can't I draw anymore” on it so if you're feeling artblocky know that it will pass#violetscanfly#artists on tumblr#watercolour#wei wuxian#mo dao zu shi#mdzs fanart#mdzs#wei ying
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This is the most devastating thing they could've pulled here. These aren't flashbacks. Maria was killed before she ever got to see the earth that she loved so much from afar. They never got to explore the world together the way they always wanted to.
These are fantasies. Dreams that never got fulfilled. Glimpses of everything that could've been but never was. Shadow isn't reminiscing on his past-- he's getting lost in flashes of that happy, content future him and Maria never got to have. What if I just cried.
#sonic#sonic x shadow generations#sonic x shadow generations dark beginnings#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#i just can't get over how beautiful she looks from his perspective#the way she leans against him and tucks him in and the way he feels so obviously safe and content in her presence#the softness and intimacy and raw vulnerability of this whole scene is wiping the floor with my heart man 💀#they just loved each other so much AAAHHHJHGFDDGFGFDSF#i'm with shadow now i 100% why he fell in love with her i have too#I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE ANYMORE NOOOO#well obviously i do because otherwise all of shadow's development would be undermined but i will not be happy about it#anyway i was NOT mentally prepared to handle the feels the finale dropped and it shows#momento rambles
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Oh, my love when will you come to look for me?
Tom McRae, Still lost | @catws-anniversary
#stucky#stevebucky#CATWS10#happy anniversary to the most epic love story in all of history <3#this is an absolute mess but asgdajshakd#i've been staring at it for too long#can't even tell where the mistakes are anymore but i'm sure i'll see them all once it's posted lmao#i just wanted to make a little something for my bois#eh#when in doubt: cry directly into the nearest pillow#*screams into the void*#rillers has feels
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Trials of Updog.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin ling#lan wangji#The fact that Jin Ling inherited Jiang Cheng's naming system for dogs makes me so happy#I also think it's funny to imagine that they all have *long* titles that get shortened#She's Princess Fairy of the Dearest Spring Meadows to *you*. Cur. As if you have the right to call her by a nickname#I think fairy is supposed to be a husky? Though I've seen so many husky/pomeranians lately that my association is deeply skewed#I'm gonna make all the dogs in this comic as unsettlingly cute as possible until I can't anymore#for the comedic effect of wwx being so terrified of them#You see....the real updog..... was wwx jumping into lwj's arms. Scooby-doo style#Did lwj finally get that ass? is his hand just slightly avoiding the area?#Find out next time on poorly-drawn-mdzs!
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very tired of being in pain, however, the line between "i chose to be happy" and "i'm gaslighting how i feel" is very thin
#all this “choosing to be happy” feels like bullshit#if being honest#but then if i don't pretend i'd just feel nothing and i don't want that either#it goes into so many things of my life rn and i don't like that#but it's like a surviving thing cuz seriously i can't deal with the pain anymore i'm so done#posting this on 1pm feels wrong when the birds are singing and sun is shining u know#but whatever#barghest barks
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I blacked out and more Logince HS AU appeared on my canvas idk what happened (also ty @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat for some inspiration sorry it took so long to make a post about Them <3)
#spoondoodles#sanders sides#sanders sides fanart#ts sides#tss#logan sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#logince#I am here!!! for the platonic relationships!!!!! in this AU!!!!!!!#i have a strong character arc in my head about platonic logicality growing up together as childhood friends you have no idea asdfghj#i think they were very dependent on each other for many years so much so they'd copy each other but they're much more independent in HS#only remnant of that is that they have the same glasses + emotionally vent to each other a lot - their friends circle has grown enough#they don't live in each others' pockets anymore. roman + janus met in theatre + are gossip besties like they just talk shit together#(not completely sold on janus' design yet ngl i'm not happy with how i drew the vitilego but i'm working on it)#remus + logan are partners in chemistry in a classic teacher act of putting the 'disruptive' kid next to the 'good student' kid in hopes#that logan would stop remus acting out. predictably what happened instead is that they're friends now + remus is still as disruptive#but in a way that entertains logan so they get their work done early. now the teacher can't separate them. lol lmao.#remus knows ALL. but has been sworn to secrecy so can't say shit. janus knows roman's feelings but only suspects logan's.#patton didn't even have to be told by logan he just KNEW + is choosing not to speculate on roman's feelings b/c he's too polite.#virgil isn't here but that's b/c he also KNOWS without being told + is in an even more precarious position than remus. if they were#on better speaking terms he'd commiserate with remus. alas they are suffering separately.#anyway enough rambling from me. many thoughts head full.
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Hello, Dean
#THIS. THIS ACTUALLY TOOK ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULD HAVE PLEASE WATCH THIS#I migh or might not have also edited a bit the ending because fuck my life I can't see that tiktok-cut scene it just kills me. also fuck all#that yellow#i have mo regrets but please watch it#i tried my best it's now 4 am i have again. been possesed by the Destiel of November 5th#basically. basically 4 years ago i figured out that castiel always says Hello Dean#and . and just Once. Just once Goodbye Dean#honestly. i wish i could. eat god#anyway. i jave yes indeed edited the ending too because OT WAS ALREADY TWO AM WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DOEN??? STOPPED THEREEEE??? WHAT FOR????#so yeha. whatever fuck me fuck you fuck the cw and fuck everything we deserved at least a GOO d edited ending.#at least that#fuck fuck fuck#no but really you know#i understand everything and it's okay#but at least if you have to spit on my face one last time. at least make it count. make it worth it. make me FEEL LIKE YOU CARED#we deserved better. at least a good editing. at least that#but yeah happy nov 5h#nov 5th#nov 5 2024#spn#supernatural#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#:(#the internet is so lucky I'm not unemployed anymore. so. lucky#also it's so sad that Cas doesn't say Hello dean after season 11(12 if u wanna be precise) and all the others are just fake cas trying to#trick dean :((( i miss you cas i miss youuu
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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wiggles my fingers at you ouuuu… you want to tell me about solace so bad…
HKJGG wiggles my fingers back lovingly!!! i really do, i fuckin LOVE solace :3 hey did you know i really like making fake skill descriptions?
SOLACE
Follow the north star. Find light in even the darkest places. Cool for: Optimists, Recovering lost souls, Sweet summer children
Solace is the skill you tucked away long ago, at the bottom of Pandora's box. The little one that tells you: despite it all, there is still hope. It needs a lot of nurturing -- and it's far from being the most helpful for police work -- but taking care of it is basically self-care. It enables you to find the glow in yourself that you often ascribe to gold lungs or brilliant halos in others. It encourages you to wake up and watch the sunrise, to play board games with someone you love, to forgive yourself and let yourself be a gentler kind of animal. Constantly looking forward to a brighter future, it also helps shield your morale from damage.
At high levels, Solace gives you a heightened sense of childlike optimism - which isn't always the sense to lead with in this precariously harsh world. Always looking for the bright side will blindside you with naivety. At low levels, however, you may just extinguish whatever keeps your soul alight. You've already lost her once. You may not survive the desolation if you let her disappear again.
#i wanted to draw a skill portrait for her for this but [gestures vaguely at life] i hope this is cool enough hkjgkj <33#solace is truly voli's ''keep going. there's still hope for us'' and echem's ''we can be happy again! let's go find joy wherever we can''#this is why i keep saying she's their kid hkjgh she covers the happy medium of both of their ideologies. hope for a happier future.#harry goes to the store and finds a pair of pink heart shades that gives her ''+1 Rose Colored Glasses'' :3#i feel like theres some mechanic that keeps her from gaining too many points. a locked skill cap or maybe she can lose skill points??#hm. considers this.#echem voice ''i can't believe i'm saying this but we really can't drink alcohol anymore. it's bad for the baby :(''#ALSO. THIS IS ONE OF MY MORE SELF INDULGENT WORKS SO IF IT SEEMS OOC IN ANY WAY THAT'S BC THIS IS MY COMFORT FIC HGKJKJ#i know sometimes i write skill relationships too sweet and the world too kind and the game too unrealistically...#i know shivers said the end of the world is in 22 years. i know being a revachol cop would kill solace. i know alcoholism is hard to kick#and dora still haunts us. i know life is so hard and there is so much that kills hope and that the pale is going to swallow elysium. i know#but isn't disco elysium about how the world is awful and corrupt and futile but there is still beauty and worth to living in it?#the sky. the world. you're still alive. after death; life again. one day i will return to your side. sunrise parabellum.#the phasmid exists. the pale can be fought back with art. the city's alive and she told us she loves us. and solace believes there is hope.#augh idk man hjlkjg just don't want to lean into the ''young witch trying to find a cat in the alps'' bullshit lmao FUCK that </3#i just think harry deserves a hope skill.#volta transmissions#inland drabbles#task: when two skills love each other very much
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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