#i just can't anymore i'm not happy
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i am very depressed rn gotta vent in the tags
#feeling extremely unfulfilled#i'm currently visiting my grandma with my mom#and being deadnamed and misgendered constantly for a week does numbers on me#but i'll be out of here in a few days and i'm both excited about it and dreading it#i needed a break from everything but now i'm getting really tired of my family#but on the other hand once i get back from my trip i have 4 days to move out of my shit apartment#and god i hate moving so much#also just depressed because my brain is convinced i can't really get what i want. especially in my dating life#the only people that want me are fucking miserable to be around#on one hand you got absolute assholes i don't associate with but on the other you have people with really bad abandonment issues#and they'll get really fuckin pissed at you if you leave because they're placing all responsibility for everything in their life on you#and i know i shouldn't put myself through that and a few friends have told me it isn't healthy for anybody involved#but it's difficult when the other person is friends with most of your other friends#and i don't feel like i can leave because those friends don't want me to#there's no easy solution to anything it feels like#i wanna just dump him. i dumped him once before but somehow ended up back together. and he's sweet and a good person#but i'm so exhausted. and i don't feel like i can leave because he'll just freak out and get really angry at me again#it's super unhealthy i know#idk man i wanna go but he just wants to keep me around forever#i just can't anymore i'm not happy#but i'll be the bad guy if i break things off and i won't have any friends
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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature
#bingqiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#svsss#sqq#lbh#my art#which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading#and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4#i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this#i was promised a story with my snake boy#because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS#anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them#i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh#i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels#but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen#though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again#if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story#but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P
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The intensity of his stare
#i can't do this anymore#i swear making eye contact with him would just heal me#i think i would desintegrate right on the spot#also i'm happy cause making gifs felt fun again after a long time 🖤#papa emeritus iv#copia#papa iv#papa 4#popia#the band ghost#ghost bc#papa copia#ghost band#eye contact#my gifs
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For the record, I did figure that out a long time ago, it just gets funnier the more time passes
#My art#This was supposed to be a humble text-only shitpost on side but I convinced myself it'd be funnier if I drew it#I'm not sure it's actually funnier but oh well it's done already#Needed an easy shitpost to draw so here you go#Also yes yes I know most people get over the innitial discomfort and learn to love their bodies etc the documentary wasn't really lying#This silly little shitpost is about my personal feelings and not a universally true and factual statement about the human experience#Legit can't remember the actual documentary anymore so I can't tell if this is my memory just being faulty and making shit up or not#But I got the feeling the lady from the interview was like. Telling herself that. Like. Are you sure? Honey are you sure you're happy? Fr?#EDIT: Changed the second last panel because I was so annoyed with how I had put the emphasis on the wrong word lmao
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What was Ish and Lena's relationship?
I made so much for this ask, don't look at me 🫣
The two trolls had a short summer romance at a "no boarders" music festival called Fusion Fest. Back then it was a pretty new and small thing, and the point of the festival is for trolls from all genres to come together and enjoy each other's music and company; celebrating togetherness and acceptance.
(Yes, I made a logo. 😅 This festival is a major annual event for the mixed trolls in my AU.)
Ish and his friend group went to check it out because they're already a colorful ensemble of different genres, and they were curious to see what it was about.
Lena and her friends somehow caught wind of the festival in their backwater village where nothing new or exciting ever happens, and they decided to go to rebel against their closed-minded, racist parents and community, but mostly because they were bored teenagers who'd never seen any trolls other than Rock Trolls before. Despite them wanting to experience something new, their reason for going was very much NOT the point of the festival; They were treating it more like a freakshow to stare at, and them rebelling against their parents was more just to anger them and not because they were any better...
In my mind Lena is very attractive (in a trashy, grunge kind of way), and a 16-year-old Ish immediately got a crush on her from across the room.
He put his Funk moves on her and left her completely flustered from how forward he was. I imagine he was really charming and smooth, but also I can't stop cringing and comparing it to bird mating dances lmao.
(The song Ish is singing to Lena. It makes it feel extra perfect because I just happened to learn the singer was also a 16-year-old when recording it!)
Lena didn't fall for him as hard as he fell for her at first, but she's one of those girls who will go for any bad boy that looks intimidating, and she thought funk trolls were scary and intimidating, because she was subconsciously racist herself too. 🧍 She did really start to like him after they hooked up though, and started liking him for him (so at least she was learning...)
But then they were faced with an unexpected surprise one morning after waking up from a night of concerts and partying (and mixing of substances that shouldn't be mixed)...
Ish panicked hard, he even tried getting rid of the egg, claiming it had to be a dud given the circumstances, but Lena stopped him saying she felt it move. Thank god, because Leslie hatched only minutes later.
Ish was so freaked out that he abruptly left and headed back to Funk Kingdom in the same day, and just abandoned Lena with the baby.
Lena was also very scared but she immediately warmed up to little Leslie and had no intention of dropping him off at an orphanage or doing something similar, despite her friends' encouragement to do just that, claiming her parents were going to kick her out if she showed up back home with a mixed baby.
I'm thinking Ish did try to reach out to Lena by sending her a letter a few weeks later (he got her address before the egg thing happened), but the letter never reached her because she really was disowned and kicked out of her parents' house when she came home and refused to give her baby up...
So Lena never heard from Ish again, and the next time Ish heard about Lena was about 9 years later when Leslie turned up looking for him with his baby brother, and he learned that she was gone...
(Ish having a weird day where he went out after Kymani poorly relayed a confusing phone call from the police station, and later came back home as the sole caretaker of two neglected kids.)
#i can't look at this post anymore. i spent too much time on it. i just gotta send it out into the world#i started losing steam so some of these drawings i'm not super happy with...#but it's already the middle of august yeesh. i've been really busy. and sick since monday :'(#my art#trolls#dreamworks trolls#ex bandmates#i didn't specify. but ish was 16 and lena was 17#les was my og crack baby which is why i didn't want to repeat the idea in story with floyd's techno kids#those guys exist only in a vacuum now#trolls oc#ish#lena#les#bug sized baby les and his three sparkling pickles my beloved#hed#grunge trolls#funk trolls#jenga#adewale#benji#ska trolls#afrobeat trolls#so many ocs holy shit
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Once again I offer you art that I didn't post when it was made✌🏻 One thing I have learned is to never throw away your art because even if you don't immediately like it you might some day
#and this isn't to say I don't cringe at some of my old art 😂 I think that's just an inescapable part of the experience#I think it's mostly perfectionism that stops me from liking some of my drawings#because fairly often I just randomly find a drawing that I actually really like but never posted cause I deemed it not good enough#and then later I'm like “so what if there are weird mistakes that stick out to me. If someone else had drawn this would I think this way”#and I see the parts that stopped me from posting a piece and am like why did it seem so important back then#I love looking through my old art and being like I'm so glad I drew this#especially if it's something I had forgotten about#idk what brought this art ramble on ig I'm just happy to find joy in creating when there's so much a i bs going on#also the paper this is drawn on literally has “why can't I draw anymore” on it so if you're feeling artblocky know that it will pass#violetscanfly#artists on tumblr#watercolour#wei wuxian#mo dao zu shi#mdzs fanart#mdzs#wei ying
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This is the most devastating thing they could've pulled here. These aren't flashbacks. Maria was killed before she ever got to see the earth that she loved so much from afar. They never got to explore the world together the way they always wanted to.
These are fantasies. Dreams that never got fulfilled. Glimpses of everything that could've been but never was. Shadow isn't reminiscing on his past-- he's getting lost in flashes of that happy, content future him and Maria never got to have. What if I just cried.
#sonic#sonic x shadow generations#sonic x shadow generations dark beginnings#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#i just can't get over how beautiful she looks from his perspective#the way she leans against him and tucks him in and the way he feels so obviously safe and content in her presence#the softness and intimacy and raw vulnerability of this whole scene is wiping the floor with my heart man 💀#they just loved each other so much AAAHHHJHGFDDGFGFDSF#i'm with shadow now i 100% why he fell in love with her i have too#I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE ANYMORE NOOOO#well obviously i do because otherwise all of shadow's development would be undermined but i will not be happy about it#anyway i was NOT mentally prepared to handle the feels the finale dropped and it shows#momento rambles
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thinkin about sora's parents again...
continuation of mom art from forever ago
#my art#soriku#i wanted to capture some of that softness from the og but idk i can't draw like that anymore lmao#I'm also not too happy with some details and proportions but I've been staring at this on and off for like 3 months so just take it#it's as good as it's gonna get!! hdfgkjdhg#i will try again in the future...#if anyone wants Parent specific thoughts just lmk and i'll share#workin on riku's parents but running into similar issues... im not...strong enough....
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Oh, my love when will you come to look for me?
Tom McRae, Still lost | @catws-anniversary
#stucky#stevebucky#CATWS10#happy anniversary to the most epic love story in all of history <3#this is an absolute mess but asgdajshakd#i've been staring at it for too long#can't even tell where the mistakes are anymore but i'm sure i'll see them all once it's posted lmao#i just wanted to make a little something for my bois#eh#when in doubt: cry directly into the nearest pillow#*screams into the void*#rillers has feels
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Trials of Updog.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin ling#lan wangji#The fact that Jin Ling inherited Jiang Cheng's naming system for dogs makes me so happy#I also think it's funny to imagine that they all have *long* titles that get shortened#She's Princess Fairy of the Dearest Spring Meadows to *you*. Cur. As if you have the right to call her by a nickname#I think fairy is supposed to be a husky? Though I've seen so many husky/pomeranians lately that my association is deeply skewed#I'm gonna make all the dogs in this comic as unsettlingly cute as possible until I can't anymore#for the comedic effect of wwx being so terrified of them#You see....the real updog..... was wwx jumping into lwj's arms. Scooby-doo style#Did lwj finally get that ass? is his hand just slightly avoiding the area?#Find out next time on poorly-drawn-mdzs!
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AA wives: Astarion's asshole is the wrong color!! My self-insert would never eat his ass if that were this color. You're not letting me roleplay eating Astarion's ass even a little bit. This isn't a roleplaying game anymore it's a morality simulator. You're forcing morality into the game by making a point about only eating a certain color of ass. Also you're kinkshaming me so much. I'm an adult. I will harass you about this until you give in.
Larian, on their hands and knees wearing a dog collar: Yes ma'am right away ma'am please send us the exact hex code of the color you want it to be and we will change it posthaste
#bg3#bg3 fandom critical#larian critical#i was gonna play some more bg3 this weekend but i have lost so much respect for larian i kinda don't even wanna touch the game anymore kdfj#like i'm not even salty abt the aa shit i literally don't care what they did (also apparently a buncha aa ppl aren't happy with it anyway)#i just think it's the pandering is such a weasely and cowardly thing in general#like ur rly gonna let the most annoying and loud minority dictate the camera angles and animations of your multimillion dollar game?#bros ... the state of this world kdfjghdkfjhd#it's so pathetic it's honestly kinda funny#can't wait to pirate their next game though#girlies you are not getting another cent out of me#cuz what would be the point in buying your next game if by the end of its life cycle it's gonna be an entirely different game#remember when you just bought a disc. and it had a game on it. and you installed and played the game. and that was it.#those were the times#remember when if you liked a headcanon you just wrote fic or drew fanart. remember when you didn't like canon you just ignored it#now people apparently feel entitled to micromanage their self-inserts expressions in cutscenes#good god
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very tired of being in pain, however, the line between "i chose to be happy" and "i'm gaslighting how i feel" is very thin
#all this “choosing to be happy” feels like bullshit#if being honest#but then if i don't pretend i'd just feel nothing and i don't want that either#it goes into so many things of my life rn and i don't like that#but it's like a surviving thing cuz seriously i can't deal with the pain anymore i'm so done#posting this on 1pm feels wrong when the birds are singing and sun is shining u know#but whatever#barghest barks
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I blacked out and more Logince HS AU appeared on my canvas idk what happened (also ty @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat for some inspiration sorry it took so long to make a post about Them <3)
#spoondoodles#sanders sides#sanders sides fanart#ts sides#tss#logan sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#logince#I am here!!! for the platonic relationships!!!!! in this AU!!!!!!!#i have a strong character arc in my head about platonic logicality growing up together as childhood friends you have no idea asdfghj#i think they were very dependent on each other for many years so much so they'd copy each other but they're much more independent in HS#only remnant of that is that they have the same glasses + emotionally vent to each other a lot - their friends circle has grown enough#they don't live in each others' pockets anymore. roman + janus met in theatre + are gossip besties like they just talk shit together#(not completely sold on janus' design yet ngl i'm not happy with how i drew the vitilego but i'm working on it)#remus + logan are partners in chemistry in a classic teacher act of putting the 'disruptive' kid next to the 'good student' kid in hopes#that logan would stop remus acting out. predictably what happened instead is that they're friends now + remus is still as disruptive#but in a way that entertains logan so they get their work done early. now the teacher can't separate them. lol lmao.#remus knows ALL. but has been sworn to secrecy so can't say shit. janus knows roman's feelings but only suspects logan's.#patton didn't even have to be told by logan he just KNEW + is choosing not to speculate on roman's feelings b/c he's too polite.#virgil isn't here but that's b/c he also KNOWS without being told + is in an even more precarious position than remus. if they were#on better speaking terms he'd commiserate with remus. alas they are suffering separately.#anyway enough rambling from me. many thoughts head full.
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Okay but hear me out - an elucien fic where Elain's bunny gets sick so she calls the local vet for a house visit, but the when the vet shows up, it's not the usual one. In fact, it's his brother.
"Miss Elain Archeron?" The man with asked, his voice causing a stir in Elain's stomach. It was a deep southern drawl, even more so than her's.
Flushing from the autumn sun, because of course it was only that. "Howdy. Can I help you?"
Elain brushed the dirt off her gloves onto her overalls before taking them off and putting them in her back pocket. Her sun hat created unique shadows among her outfit and ground.
"Well, you're the one who called for a vet visit." He responded.
With a western hat and matching boots the man looked more like a ranch hand than a vet.
Elain blinked once, then twice, then three times. "I did, but you're not Eris."
This man was nothing like Eris. Except for the red hair and maybe the nose. The eyes too, well eye.
'There is a strange man on my farm wearing an eyepatch. Is this how I end up on the next true crime documentary? Owner of The Archer Farmette, Slaughtered Like Chicken Dinner.'
The man laughed. "Thank the gods for that. I'm his youngest brother, Lucien Vanserra. I'm staying in town until the holiday season is over."
Elain chose to ignore how his laugh made butterflies flutter inside herself. It definitely had to be the November sun.
"Anyway, Eris had a slight emergency with one of the dogs so he asked me to take his place."
"Are you even a vet?" Elain raised her eyebrow.
Lucien flashed her a sharp grin. "Sure am, Miss Archeron. Own my own practice for awhile."
"What happened to it?" She asked, tilting her head, her curls that framed her face blew softly from the wind.
"Maybe you and I can grab a drink sometime and I'll tell you that and more." Lucien winked.
Her cheeks were burning pink as Elain watched Lucien walk over to the pens. 'What a sly motherfuc-'
"Well aren't you going to show me to my patient?" He called out.
With a roll of her eyes and blushed cheeks slightly puffed, Elain caught up to him to show him to Hopper.
#I just wrote this on the fly#I have no idea what I'm doing#Sothern Bell Elain gives me so much happiness#Enjoy I guess???#I can't write anymore fics for rn but maybe after a few are done I can return to this ?#Elucien#pro elucien#elucien fics#elcuien fanfics#acotar fanfiction#lucien vanserra#elain archeron#acotar#sjm#a court thorns and roses#sarah j maas
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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Hello, Dean
#THIS. THIS ACTUALLY TOOK ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULD HAVE PLEASE WATCH THIS#I migh or might not have also edited a bit the ending because fuck my life I can't see that tiktok-cut scene it just kills me. also fuck all#that yellow#i have mo regrets but please watch it#i tried my best it's now 4 am i have again. been possesed by the Destiel of November 5th#basically. basically 4 years ago i figured out that castiel always says Hello Dean#and . and just Once. Just once Goodbye Dean#honestly. i wish i could. eat god#anyway. i jave yes indeed edited the ending too because OT WAS ALREADY TWO AM WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DOEN??? STOPPED THEREEEE??? WHAT FOR????#so yeha. whatever fuck me fuck you fuck the cw and fuck everything we deserved at least a GOO d edited ending.#at least that#fuck fuck fuck#no but really you know#i understand everything and it's okay#but at least if you have to spit on my face one last time. at least make it count. make it worth it. make me FEEL LIKE YOU CARED#we deserved better. at least a good editing. at least that#but yeah happy nov 5h#nov 5th#nov 5 2024#spn#supernatural#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#:(#the internet is so lucky I'm not unemployed anymore. so. lucky#also it's so sad that Cas doesn't say Hello dean after season 11(12 if u wanna be precise) and all the others are just fake cas trying to#trick dean :((( i miss you cas i miss youuu
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