#i just CANNOT cope with those looks
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Maude s05e08: the game show (aka arguably the gayest maude episode in existence, and that's saying something)
+ bonus that didn't fit in the grid
#i just CANNOT cope with those looks#so i'm making it everyone else's problem too#just look at them!!!#they're not even being subtle about it!#maude 1972#bea arthur#rue mcclanahan#maude findlay#vivian harmon#my gifs
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good morning. thinking again of juve and her dog
#oreste garifalle save me. save me oreste garifalle (he cannot even save himself)#i just.. man its so over. by the time they encounter each other juve is the worst shes ever been & oreste doesnt yet know he could be better#so. sure. juve needs to gather the pieces of herself back up and double down on her coping mechanisms but not thinking at all about whats#happened to her/how she was affected by it and by instead fixating on someone elses problems. she needs to offer drive and direction to#another in order to feel more in control of herself#and luckily for her unluckily for himself. by the time she finds him. oreste is only Just stumbling out of a gothic pseudoincest nightmare#in which all of his own wants and desires have been very deliberately placed on a shelf higher than he can reach and hes all too eager#to accidentally replicate previous dynamics (dog) with someone new#so. tldr. juve needs to control/'fix' someone and oreste as of yet only knows how to be controlled/molded in anothers image#which would already be so bad except to top it off. juve is steadily fucking losing it. due to the repression crimes#and even as she tries to distance herself from the emotional aftermath of what she went through. it bleeds into the way she treats oreste#instead. like.#her base level dehumanization of him would already be bad but. as is. in the way it finds her.#juve completely lacks the finesse or grace or awareness to approach it as she normally would#so she instead traps them both in this horrible codependent situation where her 'fixing' oreste mostly involves her going oh! i know!#your problem is that youre not in touch with your anger right? you should be angry about what those guys did to you but youre not rigjt??#so!! easy fix!! lets just get you angry!!!#<- girl who is not entirely wrong but has also never processed any of her own anger a day in her life and Will be projecting#<- girl who will treat you both as a metaphor/extension of herself but Also as a recreation of the previous dynamic she was in with an#excessively angry individual#<- girl who decides the best way to put you in touch with your anger again is by. repeatedly triggering you until you protest#essentially bending your finger back and waiting to see which will come first. you letting it break or begging her to stop#and oreste is always too deeply traumatized and overwhelmed to do anything but let it break. so.#notnow#juve mizani#oreste garifalle#one of my favorite scenes i have planned for them is her making oreste relay what his abuser (kai) looked like. in detail.#as a skinshifter herself.#you see where this is going.#you should send me asks about them btw. if you want. also if you dont
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 god I love these dumb men so much
Via marcelacastelli on twitter
Miles walking up to the mic and Alex like during the TLSP times 😭
The first time in 5 years that these two Grace a stage with their shared presence 🥹 but also how grown up and different they both look while still seeming like the exact same lovesick puppies that met all the way back in 2003
AND JUST YESTERDAY MILES’ GUITARIST POSTED THAT 505 WAS THEIR BAT/TURTEL SIGNAL AND TODAY THEYVARE PLAYING TIGETHER AHHHH sorry I gave up trying with grammar
When we got the info that Miles was present at the stadium I was already freaking out but this this is so much better (I felt like we were playing little illusion machine with ourselves)
Also we got confirmation that they hugged in the beginning and ended it with a kiss on the cheek by Miles
I saw somewhere during 17.06 when the yellow poster got published that someone was being delusional like yellow that’s the color of TLSP who’s in TLSP right Alex And Miles so so conclusion Miles is gonna be there, I mean it was a day too soon but still… being delusional paying off 🤣
Wearing brown leather jacket I love my guys but also please tell me he just quickly popped round to the store after the show for some booze or new cigs while they were celebrating together and didn’t just leave after the gig cause I couldn’t handle that
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How Miles keeps looking at Alex and Alex keeps pointing at Miles and Alex stimming at the end and Alex’s full scrunchy face smile when Miles walks up to him and Miles smirk and the mic and and and I’m unter rot irrevocably besotted, how Miles just seamlessly fits in with the boys
But also I’m really hoping for a video where we can see the cheek kiss that apparently happens after the lights went down
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With full introduction
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I love that we know Miles and Al +monkeys had a very long night cause he posted at around midnight to his story and then nothing for fourteen hours till around 2 pm when the next 505 clips came 🥃 🍸 🍻
Clip of Miles with Chef Tom Brown and Jay Forrester and other friends during Cornerstone, Miles singing along 🥹 (Tom’s restaurant name) god he seems so happy, Tom Farrell was there as well but on the other stadium side (he posted a story of two lads getting into a boxing match during do I wanna know😂) Miles’ manager rosie_skinner was also present, and I love how Miles didn’t just watch from the wings but enjoyed the concert with his friends from the seats (I’m imagining this is how he invited them: “you wanna go out tonight?” “Sure what did you have in mind?” “Wanna come watch me and my husband play our song in Emirates stadium?”) and he probably was given a setlist beforehand or some roadie was ordered to fetch him a few songs ahead to come backstage where his already tuned guitar was and then Miles was ready to go only waiting for Alex to call him onstage
505 Via cat_mason
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Somewhat able to see the crowd jumping In the Video
Also just me or does it seem like Miles got a fresh haircut :)
My day literally consisted of watching that HUG over and over again from every possible angle, I love them and their dramatic hugs like they haven’t seen each other barely two weeks ago that we are aware of, but really I need to receive a hug like that one that’s just I missed you and I’m gonna squeeze all my love into you right now, the kisses 🥹🥹 Miles just casually kissing Al’s neck and his cheek and nuzzling his neck again 🫶🏽 and Alex cradling his head I can’t
Via Miles insta how Alex literally tilts Miles head so he can have better access for the neck kiss and how his hand digs into Miles’ shoulder he literally clings onto him for dear life and tries to ground himself and find the strength for the remaining concert in that hug 🫠
A view at 505 from the wings and a quick Miles and Cookie hug and forehead kiss (also thank you Miles for that prime few of Jamie’s arse 🤣🫶🏽)
Miles’ evening summarized #coming on stage #slaying the guitar parts #kissing half the monkeys 💅 #leaving
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#I love how we are all losing our collective shit right now adore you all <3#the lucky bastards that got tickets#I can’t wait for all the videos#I know exactly wait I’ll be doing tomorrow#watching every single clip I can find#I’m so far away from okay#Nono those aren’t tears that’s just sweat#I’m literally buzzing out of my skin with uncontained engery#we’re all just overwhelmed and running around like headless chickens#freaking out in a really cool way#I’m so scared for Glastonbury now#cause if miles isn’t there the fandom will commit ritual suicide#looking at what’s happening currently that’s literally gonna happen#please just let them be practicing#in case you haven’t noticed I have too many thoughts on this#but also how hot can Miles possibly look#I cannot cope right now#serotonin overload#really curious what Louise is gonna post about this night 🤣#refresh every few seconds to not miss anything#this is even better than the Scott Walker concert#but also scared shitless cause so many people said that Alex lost his voice a few times#baby doll please take a break and drink enough tea#gonna seek comfort in cozy blankets and movies now#also why does it look like Miles got a fresh fade just for the show :)#manifestation working wonders :)#Youtube#I made so many strange noises#none of the girlfriends posted anything while Miles’s friends are popping off on IG#London night 3; 18/06/2023
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very impossible to find the balance between "i want my friends to be able to talk to me about their problems and tell me when they're struggling" and "i am extremely emotionally fragile at the moment because i'm doing very badly and talking about very heavy topics especially with no warning is not something i feel capable of dealing with right now because i'm on the verge of a violent mental breakdown"
#i guess i need to find a way of telling people that i'm in that headspace in the first place#because i probably seem completely fine#but i can't tell people those things unless they explicitly invite me to do so first#so i'm assuming everyone just looks at me and goes yeah you seem fine so i can unload all this heavy stuff on you and you'll be able to cop#but unfortunately. i cannot and i feel guilty about it#but i already have way more bad days than good and when i have to hear people talking about like#very intense personal trauma and suicide and shit#it throws me off for the rest of the day and i go nonverbal until i can go straight home and sob until i fall asleep#and that is not an exaggeration it keeps happening to me with multiple different people#i don't want anyone to feel like they have to pretend around me in any way#but i also don't know how to cope with hearing intense things like this when i'm on a knife's edge mentally all the time#and i cannot afford to keep cutting my days so much shorter when i should be working#and also like when people DO talk to me about these things it's like#it's good they can get it off their chest#but now i'm holding onto all of the stuff they've just told me as well as the stuff i was already secretly holding onto about my own life#and now i have to go home alone with nowhere to put any of it because i don't have anyone to talk to#i've had people tell me this is therapeutic to talk about this stuff#but it's not for me because i'm not talking i'm just listening and then being overwhelmed and triggered and upset about it all#and most of it probably boils down to the fact that i cannot express my own feelings or tell people my boundaries#in situations this sensitive because it's so like. precarious and awkward#but i'm like i can't deal with it all the time it's too much
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Boots :)
Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(
Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!
#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.'#final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like#'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :(((('#i was literally never either of those things.#they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.)#but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO#and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself.#seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like.#look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them.#AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear#and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes.#just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth#but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school.#time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊#nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool#literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍#for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace.#i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes#'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't.#like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!!#<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA#anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny#and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later#i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language#til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly.#like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else.#UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO#also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this'#yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔#my projects
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The funny thing about grief is that you just can’t rationalise it. Yeah sure you can think about it logically, make sense of it in that way, but then there’s this constant, nagging, clawing part of you that’s just deeply human, that just wants to be human, almost desperately so, and it overrides logic sometimes and that’s ok
#recent events have been a bit heavy#sigh#bad start to this year :|#I mean I guess I’m pretty cold and don’t show much emotion other than happiness and glee when I’m with people I like but I don’t really ever#let the sadness or anger come up to the surface because I find them to be awfully inconvenient so I just deal with them with a neutral face#and it looks as if I don’t feel anything and I don’t as long as I wear that expression but then sometimes something just happens that you#simply cannot keep it in and it does come out and then I feel like I’ve betrayed myself. but it’s okay that’s life. and though my coping s#mechanisms might not be the healthiest they have gotten me this far and maybe one day I’ll live a life where expressing those emotions don’t#doesn’t* make me cringe and one day I’ll able to live out the true experience of being human but until then I’ll have to keep it all packed#tightly inside me as if they are bags of luggage that I don’t really have any use for but I take with me everywhere and never unpack#maybe some day I’ll find a home and can unpack it all and get rid of what’s not needed. one day and I have no choice but to move along#until I find a home. sometimes circumstances are just like that. you can’t survive if you waste your time crying or punching walls#idk. sigh. I’m just putting this here#text
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Spoilers for act 2
Isha is Jinx's inner child just as Warrick is Vi's inner monster and their mutual destruction is actually a pivotal event so they can both evolve as individuals, in this essay I will--
*start yapping*
No, I mean it, the hyper fixation kicked in and it kicked me hard. This is just about Vi's perspective in ep.5 btw but in my defense, she looks so tired
In the first arc, Vi starts to separate Powder from Jinx as a way of coping, she feels guilty about the destruction Jix caused and, as we know, Vi would never intentionally hurt her sister so the only way for her to try and stop her is to separate the two.
She can't kill her sister but she can kill Jinx (at least she thinks she can)
In ep.5 we see her spiraling into self-destruction, her entire character thus far has been taking care of others and now she has no one, and as such she doesn't think she has value simply as an individual.
Vi cannot accept change, that's her biggest flaw, she can't accept her sister's change or the change in the underground, and she begs Cait not to change in arc one. She somewhat recreated what her life in prison must've been like (she has a tiny apartment where she keeps herself enclosed, she's fighting on a daily basis, she's angry) so Vi's seeking familiarity in whatever she can find.
Now, she wakes up to Jinx in her little "protected" new reality, and her first instinct is to attack. She chokes Jinx (not her sister) and tells her off when she tells her about Vander, but THEN what happens?
Jinx starts to cry, and for a millisecond the illusion of Powder X Jinx is broken and Vi lets go of her, allowing her to say that "Vander is alive" and that "He needs OUR help".
Just like that, Vi's forced to face the possibility of change, she's not trusting that any of this is actually real and not one of Jix's "delusions" but it doesn't matter, the chance that someone NEEDS her help is enough for her to finally look at her own reflection on the mirror she broke in anger and denial, she has a choice to stay in the illusion or to take a risk.
Now, Vi follows her out and sees the mural. Not only does the mural depict Jinx (the person Vi is convincing herself killed her sister) as a hero but it also has Vander in it.
Jinx became Silco's daughter, the man who killed Vander and tore their family apart but for Zaun, she's also Vander's legacy of revolution. Vi is having to face that both things can be true at the same time.
They walk the tunnels and they start bickering, throwing things at each other's face and it's clear she's trying to avoid thinking too hard about what Jix is telling her.
Vi drops her gauntlets to make a point she doesn't need them, but her gauntlets are a physical symbol of her own emotional barriers, she takes them out when she's comfortable enough to let her guard down.
In this scenario, she's using her anger as a shield against Jinx, and anger is a safe emotion so she assumes there's not much risk, she doesn't expect Jinx to hit her, and when she does she hits back.
The thing is, that fight does not seem serious, they're not actually trying to hurt the other but rather just trying to prove their own points.
Now, Isha is serving as Jinx's inner child here and, as one would expect, she jumps in to help. But Vi's not expecting that and (as she does) she reacts.
She hits Isha (the embodiment of Powder) while fighting Jinx, she didn't mean to hurt the kid just like she never meant to her her sister all those years ago, but by fighting with Jinx (the sister she cannot accept) she does.
That's a visual representation of her inner turmoil, there's Jinx and there's Powder and she cannot see them as one, but she can't fight one without hurting the other, where one goes the other follows, they are one and the same.
Jinx goes to comfort Isha, and THAT'S when she puts her gauntlets back on, that's when she builds her defenses again, she can't allow herself to humanize Jinx or else she'll have to admit she's her sister and that she's changed.
Then we have Singed talking about Warrick (not Vander) something like:
"The beast was once a man victim of a great tragedy, but he had an incredible will to live, tolerance to pain, and was very resilient but it got lost in the bowels of the beast" - Yeah, sounds familiar?
We see in Warrick's pov, and he remembers wiping Powder's tears the same way Vi wiped Caits but Vi is blurred, her memory is still lost to him just like she's lost to herself
They find an office that belonged to Vander and Silco, and Violet takes one of her gauntlets off after she enters but keeps the other, her defenses are faltering but she's not willing to lower them yet.
They find a letter from Vander apologizing for what he did after the riot (the thing that broke them apart and later on separated Vi and Jinx)
Warrick came back to where Vander's apology to Silco was never read, he's roaming a familiar place with no purpose, desperately trying to find something he doesn't even know what means anymore.
And what guides him to the sisters is Isha's blood, the blood that was shed when Vi struck her in her fight with Jinx.
Jinx says everything might have been different if Silco had found the letter, and that same thought could apply to them.
If Marcus hadn't taken Vi away before she could come back to her sister, if Jinx had known what happened, if they had talked sooner after reuniting
Vi's defenses are crumbling here, they're both thinking the same thing and for a moment Jinx and Powder are the same, she almost comforts her with her uncovered hand, Jinx is being vulnerable, but Vi hesitates to trust her, so instead of reaching for her she reaches for the gauntlet again, putting her defenses up.
They leave back to the tunnels when Warrick finally catches on, and Vi sees this "beast" running towards them
It doesn't matter Jinx is telling her it's Vander, because Vi is still not trusting her, all she can see is Warrick and he himself is not stopping either, he can't recognize his daughters.
The only person who trusts the beast is Jinx, but she's not the person who can stop him at this moment, Vi is, and she does. Just like she has always done she gets in the way to protect the people she cares about.
Now, now, something very interesting about how this show deals with details is that Warrick was following the scent of Isha's blood so when he jumps to attack the camera focuses on the two.
As I commented, these two characters are being used to show Jinx and Vi's inner turmoil, and the fact Vi's inner monster (Warrick) is specifically aiming to hurt Jinx's inner child (Isha) is very telling.
But what is even more telling is that Vi is the one to stop him from hurting her, and by extension, she's protecting Jinx.
Just like before we see that Vi cannot attack Jinx without hurting Powder here we see that she can't protect Powder without protecting Jinx as well.
And THAT'S when we have the Jinx X Powder separation cracking
She says he's going to kill YOU, she's not worried about herself here, and the way she tries to protect them is to fight.
Vi always tries to fight her problem away by either violence or avoidance and now is no difference, she tries to fight him but here she's metaphorically fighting her own anger, the same anger that hurt her family and herself
The problem is that you can't fight fire with fire in these situations. Anger will not beat anger, punching will not stop the fight it will only make it worse.
They fight and he throws her against a wall before turning to focus on Isha but Jinx gets in the way and for a moment he recognizes Powder again
Jinx has been trying to protect Isha while making them stop and she tries again, but this time Vi is willing to hear her out,
She doesn't see Vander inside Warrick yet, and as this ginormous thing is barreling towards her she makes a decision, and for the first time, she trusts Jinx again, lowers her gauntlets and stops fighting. Vi's accepting the beast
There's a sequence where the image goes from Vi to Warrick repeatedly and they have similar expressions but then her eyes change and she calls for her father again.
Everything goes dark then, and we see Jinx completely terrified holding a lighter and looking for them. She doesn't know what she's going to find, she doesn't know if she was right in blindly believing Vander was still there.
The lights were bright during the fight but now everything is dark, and the dark is often used as a space of uncertainty and vulnerability Jinx couldn't save her sister from the beast and all she could do was try to guide her into saving herself.
Violet tried everything she knew, she tried fighting Jinx but in the process, she hurt the child, she tried avoiding the connection with her sister and by extension avoiding the family history but Warrick caught up with them again nonetheless, and when he did she tried to fight him off but the beast can't be killed by the same violence that created it.
In the end, it was the act of trusting Jinx that brought Vander back, Vi hugged him with the same gauntlets she used to hurt Warrick, she recognizes Jinx is also his daughter and by doing so she opens a door to seeing her as her sister again, even Isha got pulled into the hug.
Important to add that I do see Vander and Isha as more than just inner versions of Vi and Jinx but this show makes so many connections that everyone is everyone's inner something at one point tbh
Also, wdym both Cait and Jinx go to Stillwater and yet there was not ONE little detail of them thinking about Vi while my girl is literally hallucinating and only thinking about them? ONE MENTION
#am I making a lot of sense? probably not#but that's me processing things#but also I still feel like vi is being glossed over way too much#tumblr has not let me add more screenshots and that was a good thing because I'd have yapped a lot more#also yes I do have this ep's side from Jinx's pov but that's for later#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#vi arcane
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Made an updated version of this with a bit more info on things and a few tweaks, so go check out that version here!
I've made a few posts talking about things in the nonhuman and alterhuman communities recently, mostly just brief looks into them, so I thought I would share this one.
The info may not be all that much, and could easily be expanded upon, but I did my best for a simple bit of info for certain things.
All pictures have ALT text included, but I shall post the text also here, under a cut, cause it's a bit long, lol
Nonhuman as an identity: To identify as not human either fully or partially. (hate/trolls will be reported and deleted)
Reminder: These are all personal identities and why someone identifies as nonhuman and what term someone decides to use for themself is exclusively their business. In the end it is what makes the most sense to the individual and not up to others. Now, onto some of the communities that are included under the nonhuman identity:
Otherkin: from the term "otherkind" - an identity which typically encompasses being wholly or partially a nonhuman entity. Usually understood to cover those who identify as mythical creatures and other fantastical things. Also covers those that fall outside of beings and creatures.
Examples of non-being or creature based identities: Conceptkin: an identity where one identifies as a concept such as the concept of night or fire. Objectkin: and identity where one identifies as an object. Songkin: an identity where one identifies as a song.
Examples of being and creature based identities: Therianthropy: usually shortened to therian - where one identifies AS a nonhuman animal. Some will say that this term refers to only earthen animals, living or extinct, but it has never only encompassed earthly animals. The community's language came from those who identify as werecreatures. Theriomythic: an alternate identity term for one who identifies in some intrinsic was as a mythical creature. Paleotherian: an identity term for one who identifies as a now extinct earthly animal, like a dinosaur or mammoth.
Cladotherian or Cladokin: an identity term for one who does not identify as a distinct species, but a broader identity encompassing an entire genus or larger grouping. Cladomythic: an identity term for one who identifies as a group (clade) of animalistic mythical creatures.
Fictionkin: an identity term that covers all things fictional. For those who identify as something fictional like characters, animals, species, objects, etc. These can be from books, shows, video games, etc, but not always! Original fictional characters and such are also possible.
There are many other identities that fall under the nonhuman umbrella which is why it's important to do your own research to figure out if a certain term works for you. All these identities share the trait of being involuntary. You cannot choose to be therian, otherkin, or the other mentioned identities.
While the already mentioned identities are involuntary, there are some identities that fall under being voluntary. Otherlink: an identity where one voluntarily identifies as nonhuman. Copinglink: an identity where one voluntarily identifies as nonhuman to copes with things such as trauma, stress, etc.
A lot of people may also say that it is impossible to become a therian, otherkin, etc. While the identity is involuntary, things like trauma and neurodivergence can cause an individual to take on a nonhuman identity when they had not had one previously.
Most will usually see people explain that these identities are spiritual or psychological, but these are only some of the ways that individuals may experience them. Some other experiences of nonhumanity: Symbolic Metaphorical Ancestral Physical (Yes this is an actual reason for some and they are just as much a part of the community as anyone else. Physical and Ancestral nonhumans are part of the community's history and some of its founders.)
For those looking for more information, and community places, here are some places to check out! Werelist Nonhuman National Park Alterhuman Archive The Chimera's Library. The above are forums and archives of information on the community. Most archived information is thanks to who-is-page, liongoatsnake and frameacloud on tumblr.
While this is a brief look into the nonhuman identity that I could share, I do hope it has been helpful in some way. Remember to be true to yourself, and don't let anyone tell you how to feel. Ignore, report, delete and block the haters!
Yeen out~
#alterhuman#otherkin#therian#therianthropy#nonhuman#otherkind#fictionkin#conceptkin#songkin#objectkin#cladokin#cladotherian#cladomythic#theriomythic#paleotherian#creature; the voice#library; open book
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In the back of his mind, something was gnawing upon Aesop's brain. Even a 'never mind' could affect him so heavily. Going back on a previous statement. But... what would that be for? The embalmer rubbed a thumb upon the pulse point of his wrist, trying desperately to ignore the growing fear that he'd said something wrong, that he'd made everything worse. [Forgive me for asking, but... that correction on names. Did I say something wrong, for you to change your mind, or did you simply realize something just now? I know this sounds... a certain way. But I would prefer an honest answer. If I knew my own mistakes, I could avoid them in the future, and if it's something in your mind, I can do my best to remember.]
Is Victor... disappointed? Or is he looking away for some other reason, as if not able to commit to the words he wrote? Why? He needs to fix this, whatever it is. He could not adequately speak that name, but... [Call me whatever you wish. I... am not used to speaking informally. If you want me to call you Victor, I will, even if it's difficult. If Mr. Grantz is what you prefer, I will refer to you that way.]
"Oh... Oh dear. I... do not know quite how that feels on your end, but if you need anything for it, I am more than happy to provide. I'm... not a proper doctor, or anything, but... I have some cleaning materials and bandages that I carry with me."
"...I won't ask what happened with your eye, if that's any concern. You don't need to put everything on display to a man you just met, after all."
@yellow-rose-embalmer
Besides, even if you were a doctor, I doubt you could help me. As for my eye, well, it's quite simple. I could tell you about it as long as you don't, uh, want to lick it.
#yellow rose embalmer replies#this man is so lucky aesop is the king of fumbles#i have about 9 and a half hours until 2025 hits me...#the way victor looks so stunned upon hearing his name like that. the way he looks aside and tries to keep the walls up just a little longer#both of them can hold so much trauma and aesop doesnt even know about his own...#embrace when the boyfail in front of him stumbles over treating him as an equal and it can be interpreted as not being ready to be close...#i love characters with a concerning number of defenses and it is SO fun to observe all the little ways those show#embrace having to cope with the fact that his act dropped (even just a little) in front of THIS GUY#aesop cannot conceptualize that embrace was caught off guard in a /pos way#he's so bad at this. i'm laughing but also head in hands.
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Okay, I think it's time I talked about my Duracell Bunny/Sleepy Time scale for autistic people/people with ADHD...
So, what's the scale:
If you have autism and/or ADHD, every activity exists on a scale from Duracell Bunny to Sleepy Time (with Normal in the middle).
A Duracell Bunny activity is something that you do to an extent that most neurotypical people are exhausted just thinking about. For example, before the joints in my hands got all fucked up, I could consistently write a really high word count per day, and I would regularly see people call it impossible. And as the years have gone on, most of the people I know of who hit similar word counts have all been diagnosed as autistic and/or ADHD.
A Sleepy Time activity is one where just looking a neurotypical doing it a regular amount makes you exhausted. Where the amount of energy required to do the thing wipes you out for the rest of the day.
Different people have different Duracell Bunny and Sleepy Time activities and one thing that I've noticed a lot of autistic and ADHD people do about their Duracell Bunny activities is look at autistic/ADHD people for whom it is a Sleepy Time activity and say "well, I'm autistic/ADHD and I don't have any trouble with it, so clearly you're just making an excuse."
And this is extra annoying because ADHD/autistic Duracell Bunnies have more energy for the thing than neurotypicals, so they can end up in leadership positions and entrenching a really unhealthy environment for everyone. Including themselves - Duracell Bunnies are not always immune to burnout, so you can get a Duracell Bunny who is obviously engaging in dangerous and/or unhealthy coping mechanisms yelling at Sleepy Times who aren't because the Sleepy Times have had to firm about their boundaries from the beginning.
(In fact, sometimes people can end up in crisis because of burnout, and instead of learning anything, go right back to the level of effort that caused burnout and use their crisis as proof that they are actually worse off than the people who set boundaries and didn't end up in crisis, and that those people, therefore, just don't care enough...)
But yeah, TL;DR: Sometimes autistic/adhd people have more energy for certain activities than even neurotypicals, and these people can have a bad habit of pointing at autistic/adhd people with less energy for the activity and saying "well, if I can do it, that must mean every adhd/autistic person can" which leads to people refusing to provide accommodations, or shaming people who cannot show up in the same ways
#also please i am exhausted if you have a smart comment about the battery bunny wars please just keep it to yourself#i picked the first one that came to my head#so no fucking 'well actually i think of the duracell bunny as slow because in the energizer adverts-'#that's not the point and i'm too tired to deal with you just joking
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have any thoughts how caesar or noa would cope with jealousy?
Love how I saw I wasn't gonna post but i just cannot stop myself LOL.
Caesar.
Comes across as being incredibly put together, almost to the point where he becomes deathly reserved and like he’s simply ignoring you. Which he is not. Caesar definitely feels the need to separate himself from those types of emotions purely for the greater good of the Colony. Jealousy, especially in his mind and seeing how envious humans are and how that in itself can tear apart even the strongest bonds, was absolutely a moniker of weakness. He’d rather be tied to a tree and left to die from exposure to the elements than ever verbally admit that he was jealous.
Reality is, despite his cold deposition, he’s about to lose it in whatever situation it is that causes the feeling to rise in him. He’s slow to jealousy out of confidence, knowing exactly how important he is, which can cause some contention in the idea that he’s being arrogant.
You’ve asked him if he was jealous after he had abruptly pulled you away from spending time with Luca. He more abrasively accepted getting that wave of protective jealousy that washed over him like the ocean; especially when you’re spending more time with other Males. Just comes from the throes of the hierarchy. You were his. His to choose, his to tear apart and delve into, his to absolutely destroy if he wanted, the nature of his hands grasping at your rib cage as you wrangled under him… Caesar shuts his eyes tightly and thinks about that. His Colony needed to know that you were only his. His eyes said it all and you didn't know how to respond to him after he flew into a small arm of defense. “Worried,” He muttered in that typical gruff voice of his. It sent your senses sky-high, “About you…. About… What others might be… thinking…” His hands were fast to sign at you the things that you did not understand, about how his mind worked. Telling you things about how strong he needed to be, how his Colony relied on him being the best, being the strongest and that you were heavily mistaken. He was not jealous.There was absolutely no way. Tentatively, he asks for your forgiveness after he flies off the radar like that. He bottles his emotions, especially ones that were so human by design and he knows that you meant no harm by asking him if he was jealous. He got defensive as he interpreted you asking him if he was asking if he were weak and compromised.
Caesar, late at night in the nest he now shared with you, reflecting on his emotions. He’s sleepless, sitting up and looking to the right out the crevices between the planks of wood that made his nest. His mind pattering along with the rain that was falling gently from the purple-hued sky outside. This was not just his space anymore, it yours as well. He feels you move ever so slightly next to him, grasping at an animal pelt and tucking it near your face. His green orbs admire the curves of your body under said pelt, the soft rise and fall of your breathing. There was a brush of a bite mark against your neck. He huffed out of satisfaction knowing that he had done that, maybe two or three hours ago. He had every right to be jealous of others' attention on you, he thinks to himself while looking at you. He chortled to himself, shutting his eyes in some attempt to wipe his mind of the floodgate that was opened. One thought did give him a bit of solace as you moved, now shuffling your way towards him to press tightly into his side. He’d rip the face off of any Ape who even gave you a passing glance that tip-toed the invisible line between friendliness and flirtatiousness that Caesar made in his mind.
Noa
Has absolutely no clue how to even begin to process or cope. He’s not felt this before, so he supposed it made sense that he didn't know what to do with the sickeningly addictive feeling he got when he was around you. He did things so equally with Soona and Anaya, there was never any need for blatant jealousy to arise. Well… Until you came stumbling into his life and then it happened at the most random of all moments.
You smiling at Anaya? Absolutely feral. Noa would watch your mouth pull back before looking at his friend and then back to you. He wanted to make you smile like that. It should be towards him, he thinks almost gagging at the self-entitlement. Noa was not comfortable with that. He often fell by the waist side for everyone else’s well being. Why was he suddenly concerned so greatly with how you were reacting to others?
You getting a compliment from Soona? He wanted to give you a compliment more. He wanted to tell you things that got your heart to race, your blood to pound, your legs to fall under him as your arousal hit him, matching in crept intensity. He wanted it all.
If he notices you spending more time with others, male or female, Noa tends to gravitate towards you and stick around like metaphorical glue. The closer he is to you, he figured, the easier it was to bide his time for your attention. He’s not quite sure of how to interpret the feeling he gets when he looks at you, the way your expressions changed around others, the delicious way you threw your head back in laughter giving a wonderful display of your jugular that drew Noa’s attention almost every single time. A wash of aggressive thought would hit him and he’d love to know what that hot skin would feel like against his face. Against his teeth, marking you as his own so others were well aware to back off.
Once the anger would teeter down, Noa was often left wondering if you’d ever smile at him like that personally. Give him the light of day, give him your undivided mind and body. Noa does very little to stop his thoughts from going off the charts and delves into the prospect of making you his own just to cure his vile curiosity if you would accept satisfaction from him. Accept his soothing. Accept him to be your mate; he felt like he was going to come undone physically just imagining that. How you must feel under his rough hands, how you would gasp at him, hands in his fur, how you would smile longingly at him as he returned from a hunting trip, pressing his head gently against your own before proceeding back to the nest you came to share... These were things he had seen other Apes doing, he wanted to experience with you. He tries to keep himself grounded while watching you and takes meager solace when you would look at him, pay attention to him. Do anything... Towards him. His jealousy would slowly dissipate with time and Noa often found himself falling into a minor state of meloncholy thinking about the prospects he had in front of him and how the only one he seemed so adversely invested in being his advancements with you.
#noa#caesar#planet of the apes#pota#kopota#kingdom of the planet of the apes#noa x reader#caesar x reader#planet of the apes x reader#fanfiction#fanfic#emmy writes
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Spoilers For All of Arcane
Pivotal Moments For Vi
I am continuing to cope with the end of the show by doing some lists of what I feel are the most pivotal moments for some of the main characters, in terms of showing us who they are/just leaving a huge impression. Starting off with out favorite pink haired bad-ass.
Vi-
The Bridge of Progress:
This one is fairly self-explanatory, but the haunted look on Vi's face seeing her dead mother in the middle of this fiery hellscape, tells us what we need to know. The writers tell us Vi is 14-16 years old from beginning to end of season 1, act 1. So at 14 years old she is here, holding her little sisters hand seeing their entire world come undone surrounded by violence.. and still holding on to her sister.
2. Vander's lessons:
"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish". I know that's not the exact conversation at this moment but its essentially what Vander's lessons boil down to, and they become such a fundamental part of Vi's personality it is bordering on a character flaw. All that matters is doing right by those she feels responsible for. Damn the consequences to her body/mind/soul.
3. Trying to turn herself in:
*disclaimer I know this gif isn't that moment, couldn't find it*
As I said above. Vi is at most 16 years old here and that is per the writers. I have EXPOUNDED AT LENGTH on how the events of this story, especially in these early days are not Vi's fault. But at only sixteen, after speaking with Vander about responsibility Vi tries to turn herself in to the enforcers for the sake of her friends, her family, and her fellow Zaunites. Brave and selfless even then.
4. Loss of Family:
After already losing her birth parents when she was even younger, Vi and Powder are given a second chance in Vander, Milo and Clagger. That is until Vi is forced to watch her brothers die violently, and kneel in the street over her fathers body, all seemingly seconds from them succeeding in Vander's rescue. This coupled with the effect of her separation from Powder has such a powerful effect on Vi's life the effects cannot be overstated. That guilt and loss forming the guarded and guilt stricken young woman we meet in Act 2.
5. Meeting Caitlyn:
Vi meeting Caitlyn is the catalyst for Vi moving forward in her life. Obviously her story is much more involved than that. But when they meet, Vi has been in prison for years. Her whole life stolen from her and stalled by Marcus. Her sister is a different person, her family is gone, and she has had to survive seven years on her own without love, or kindness, or joy. Now along comes this nervous, kind of dorky naïve woman in the uniform embodying the oppression of Vi's childhood, and she breaks her out and shows her a way to live again.
Reuniting with Powder/Jinx:
By the time Vi finally achieves her dream and finds Powder, she is plenty aware her home has changed. But the entire time, she has held on to the hope and dream that her sister is still there. That they can go back to a semblance of who they were.. and In true-to-form heartbreaking fashion, we see Vi forced to confront the reality that while life has beaten her down and changed her, it did not spare her sister either. The thing of note for who Vi is though, is that even as Jinx is lamenting how she has changed, and the things she has done, Vi supports and loves her. She does not turn away from her at this point. She is taken from her.
Saving Caitlyn:
The time comes that Caitlyn and Echo are going into Piltover, in the hope of proving to the council that Silco and Jinx are responsible for what has occurred. It is quite clear by now Vi and Caitlyn have feelings for each other, but even still Vi is going to stay behind and keep looking for her sister. It is only when Caitlyn and Echo's lives are threatened that Vi runs back into the fray, even risking her life for Caitlyn when its clear that Jinx is the threat. This is one small step of Vi's evolution but an important one.
The Dinner Party:
This event is the breaking point of Vi's belief that she can save "Powder". Now we as the audience know that the sisters find peace with each-other by the end, with Vi seemingly accepting Jinx for who she has become, and Jinx finding her way out of her inner darkness. But this incident forces Vi to come face-to-face with the darkness that has consumed Powder, marking a notable shift in the sisters relationship and tearing away more of Vi's hope to restore her family. This whole incident is heartbreaking for many reasons but in terms of Vi, its like we are watching her hang from a cliffside and someone is slowly prying her fingers away from the ledge
Putting On The Uniform:
I and many others have discussed Vi putting on the uniform in great detail across various sources. I have seen many accuse Vi of betraying her people, betraying her parents. I believe that is far too simplistic. This is an act of desperation. Its important to remember the following:
At this point Vi is afraid her sister is too far gone
Caitlyn (the woman Vi loves) has confided in Vi that she is afraid if she hunts Jinx without Vi, that Cait or Jinx will kill the other.
Piltover retaliation against the undercity is happening with or without Vi's help.
By going, she has a chance to keep Caitlyn safe, and even though she is conflicted about how to handle her sister, she will at least be there for whatever happens.
Ultimately what does this all boil down to? "When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish". Vi is literally putting on the symbol of her parents murder to be there for the people that count on her
The Doomed Promise:
Here we get one of the rare but much appreciated glimpses behind the curtain of Stoicism and determination Vi always keeps up. She tearfully admits to Caitlyn she thinks her sister is beyond help, and begs the woman she loves not to be lost to the darkness in her because Vi has literally lost everyone else. We all cheered when they kissed for the first time. But I think we all knew what was coming as well.
The Breakup (AKA THE GIANT MIDDLE FINGER TO OUR SOULS):
Just following this post alone I have detailed how Vi has every ounce of happiness taken from her a piece at a time, until Caitlyn. Caitlyn even as an enforcer is the bright spot in Vi's life. She brings love, and hope, and a tenderness Vi has never known. She is certainly the only enforcer to ever treat her with kindness. But this is a harsh and complicated world. Vi has fought and bled trying to save her sister and at this point, has failed. Her birth parents, her adoptive father and brothers are all dead and gone. So when Caitlyn, who only earlier the same day had kissed her for the first time, and promised her she wouldn't lose herself to her grief risks the life of a child, tells Vi she is no different than the woman WHO KILLED CAITLYN"S MOTHER, and hits Vi, its the straw that breaks the camel's back
Pitfighter:
Okay, putting aside how insanely attractive she is, this is actually HEARTBREAKING. Vi has lost everything, and everyone. We are seeing her leached of color and life. I re-blogged a post explaining in-depth how this is far more than "because of a woman" that i recommend reading as they did a great job covering it. So what I'll say here is that Caitlyn betraying Vi in that way broke her to such a degree that she has finally stopped fighting to live.. She is clearly on the path to self-destruct, and does not care anymore
Trusting Jinx/Finding Vander:
Needless to say Vi is not in a good place when Jinx comes knocking, asking her to believe that their long dead father has actually returned in the form of a wolf like monstrosity. Vi is aggressive, drinking heavily, fighting to the point she is losing (risking her own safety), and self-destructing. So it is not a shock that she responds badly when Jinx comes. But this whole episode (although like everything else this season it was rushed) shows us the Vi we know and love is still in there. She doesn't hesitate to throw herself in between Vander and Isha. and even though it would mean her certain death if Jinx is wrong, when Jinx begs her sister to believe her Vi lowers her gauntlets and the image you see above is the result. Even with all the anger, and guilt, and blame between them Vi immediately calls her sister into the hug. Even at her lowest point, Vi still believes in their family.
Reunited with Caitlyn:
First of all, #JusticeforVi! No way Cait takes her down when Vi is at her best haha. But this matters for obvious reasons. Vi is not who she was when Caitlyn broke her heart, neither is Caitlyn. But as I said previously, the Vi we know is still in there. That hope, that love, that unquenchable flame. There are OBVIOUSLY still issues to work out between them. But Vi trust Caitlyn with the truth.. and calls her cupcake.
Loss of Vander/Protecting Jinx:
My god this episode.. Only a short time after getting him back, Vi has to watch Vander lose himself to the beast inside. And in spectacularly horrifying fashion, watching him erupt in lava?blood? while being speared and attacked by Noxian soldiers. The look of horror on Vi's face is heartbreaking when we were treated to one of her rare smiles only seconds before. This just adds to the long list of trauma/pain she has gone through and is important to remember for the conclusion of the story. But the other part of this, is that even in the midst of that crushing pain. Vi still sacrifices herself to protect her little sister. Thankfully, she lives. But she had no way to know she would when she throws herself over Jinx on the ground.
Never Give up:
Vi wakes up. She has barely recovered from a bad injury saving her sister and finds out Jinx has been imprisoned. Recognizing all the changes Jinx has been through, Vi defends her. Insisting she has changed. And even says "Who decides who gets a second chance" to Caitlyn in defense of her sister. Vi then goes and tries to break jinx out. She still believes in her. Still fights for her. Still loves her. Now there are a few more nuanced important things to keep in mind here-
Jinx says "your really never gonna give up on me". I mentioned earlier Vi's willingness to sacrifice herself for her loved ones, to put herself in bad situations and disregard her own happiness can go beyond selfless and into a disregard for herself completely. Jinx leaving Vi in the cell is a huge moment. its the moment Vi realizes that no matter how badly she wants to help her sister, YOU CANT SAVE EVERYONE. I had a lovely discussion with another user recently about this. For anyone who has ever had an addict in your life. You can't force them to get better. No matter how much you love them, how much you beg and plead and fight and scream, sometimes you just aren't the one to get it done. And that's a really hard thing to accept.
Accepting Love:
So obviously this was a HUGE moment for all kinds of reasons but sticking with Vi's character, I'm focusing on two specific ones:
"I choose wrong every time and because of it, I have lost everyone"- First of all, Caitlyn's want of Vi and love and and affection is on a very basic level proof she hasn't lost everyone. But it's more than that. Caitlyn is validating V,i and Vi's choices. She knew Vi was going to come for Jinx and is not only okay with it, she cleared the way. Vi feels seen, and loved, and accepted by the woman she loves. The importance of that cannot be overstated for a character who feels like she has no one left in her corner
2. Vi chooses happiness: I have seen commentary to the tune of "Jinx was clearly in crisis Vi should have gone after her" or "Really in the cell her sister was rotting in?!" To that, I would say this. Say Vi chased after her, why? To what purpose? As i said earlier, one of the hardest things to learn is that you can't save everyone no matter how much you love them. There is every likelihood Vi and Caitlyn will die tomorrow. So she could spend what could be her last night alive hunting Jinx in the undercity ,and if she finds her trying to coax her back. But we are shown clearly that that is not what Jinx or Vi need. Jinx tells Vi to be happy, to be with Caitlyn and stop feeling guilty.
This show maintains strong thematic continuity through parallels, with Its closest characters often learning similar lessons. Both Vi and Jinx have to learn to stop "Running in Circles". So that being said, what are we left with when Jinx is gone?:
Vi is face to face with the woman she loves. The woman who despite hurting her, immediately signed on to save Vander even knowing what betraying Ambessa would mean. Who was angry but didn't move to hurt Jinx at the commune, who saved Vi when she was hurt, who didn't arrest Jinx, and who cleared the way for jinx to go free since that's what Vi really wanted. So Vi lets herself have this. She lets herself be happy with the woman she loves. its beautiful and intimate and a culmination of these two characters relationship long in the making, no matter where they are
Loss of Vander/Jinx:
To those who continue to suggest Vi is guilty for Jinx's death (not dead), I encourage you to search your humanity. I have discussed it in this post as well as several others now, but lets run down the barebones trauma checklist one more time:
Vi is in her early twenties
Watches her birth parents die
Watches her brothers die
Watches Vander die the first time, during an incident Vi barely survived herself
Thrown in a cold and dark prison for seven years to be abused and terrorized and assaulted
Stabbed, beaten and hunted in the mission to save her little sister who has become dangerous and unstable
Little sister almost kills her
Little sisters kills her girlfriend's (i know they weren't really dating yet just keeps things simpler) mother
Willingly dons enforcer uniform to protect Caitlyn only to be assaulted and abandoned
Lives at least a few months in a self-destructive spiral being beaten and drinking heavily
Gets her dad and sister back even if dad is in a monstrous wolf body
Has to say goodbye to Dad as he seemingly dies in a horrifying manner
Survives the horror of that last battle
Watches Dad die again
Simply put. She had enough. The best I ever heard trauma described was that your mind is a cup, and eventually your cup runs over. Its cliché and used in movies and tv shows all the time but that's because its simple and its clear. Vi just cannot take any more.. and we see it.. she is seeing vander die all over again that very first time, crying and cradling his head. And when he attacks her Vi, who hasn't backed down from a fight since the first time we see her is left crawling back pleading with him to stop. She just shuts down. So yes, if you go out of your way to aggressively ignore nuance/context/story telling you can simply say its Vi's fault.. I hope you do not. You are cheating yourself out of the full weight of this heartbreaking and inspiring story.
The Dirt Under Your Nails:
This is quite possibly the last time we will see Vi outside of the game if Riot is to be believed. I hope not, but I would understand it. Vi is the warrior who has found peace. She is not untouched. She has lost so much, been wounded many times over in ways that will likely never fully heal. She has the love of her life but even she is permanently altered from all they have been through. And at the end of it all, even though Jinx's sacrifice for Vi was beautiful, and heroic, and a stunning moment for Jinx's character, it hurts to know that is more guilt Vi doesn't deserve but will likely carry forever, if she never learns Jinx is alive. For the people saying Vi seems too happy or she doesn't care, she is sitting alone drinking when we find her singing Powder's song. I have said it in several posts and stand by it. This is not happily ever after for Vi, not quite yet. But because of her unending strength, loyalty and love. And because of the people who have loved and respected her and helped her become the woman she is today, I think Vi has found the path to Happily ever after.
To those who read this I appreciate you. I know I have gone on-and-on about Vi. I want to do this with Jinx and Caitlyn as well. As i have said, interacting with this fan-base and sharing our love for this incredible work has been a real positive force for me as a person and I appreciate each of you.
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Why did you start writing? From what I can tell you put a lot of passion into the works you make, where did it all start for the lovely stories you make now?
Wayyyy earlier when I was 9-10ish, and even at that age I was writing a lot, with just pencil and notebook paper. I know I have written earlier than that, but I have no evidence of it.
I filled up an entire 3inch binder with an entirely hand written story about a girl who lives who her grandma and has a dog named Trout, almost dies in tornado at school and finds out the tornado as a sentient being that was trying to kill her because she has some connection to a random dude that can control the weather, and a elegant queen lady who controls ice that basically adopts her and turns her into a scout to find other people who have elemental powers. She doesn't have any herself, but for some reason she can tell who does, and then can steal it. I still have that binder in my closet. Would not recommend reading it though lmao
I started publishing my writing online, fanfiction specifically, when I was 11ish and totally not supposed to be online yet. My first fanfic I wrote and published was for Soul Eater, and that account and those stories are still up to this day. (cringe warning for the exact kind of thing you would expect an 10-11 year old to write) I actually had two fanfic.net accounts, this one where I wrote L4D stuff too.
I switched from fanfic.net to Wattpad after I got into FNAF and wrote a bunch of Fnaf stuff from an AU I had in 2015, and that AU is what led me to making a tumblr account that year, mainly to post my art for my stories. (I had always been drawing, too, but I didn't start posting that until wattpad)
And then I switched to AO3 around 2018 and my stories have been there since. I have, quite literally, been writing for nearly 15 years, with pretty much all of my work well-documented online since I started.
I hate my older works from when I was a teen/kid, and even work from just a few years back, and even removed them at some point, but decided to keep them up for archival purposes. Especially since you can kinda see how my writing style has changed, my standards in writing like the wordcount going from 80k at 11yrs old to 200k something for my long fics, my viewpoints and beliefs, etc etc. I am also very...picky about the stories I read, so if I cannot find what I want, I will make it myself.
Writing is absolutely the best and most practiced coping mechanism I've had since forever. I will write even if I do not have any readers. I still write things that I do not post online, so overtime what was something I deeply enjoyed as a hobby and an outlet to process difficult and low parts of my life becoming something enjoyable to other people is kind of wild to me, still.
And I'll continue to do it even if one day this account explodes or something. When I said 'Writing and creating art is the only thing keeping me sane' I was not trying to be quirky /lighthearted. I'll dedicate entire days to writing chapters in a row.
But yeah I've been writing for a long while, I'm glad you guys really like it! Look at my cats
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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 9 part 4
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])
it's still agatha and her river
mama, I'm sorry I got upset. mama I'm sorry we're both starving tonight. I promise I'll do better tomorrow.
a six year old taking responsibility and apologizing for his mother's shortcomings.
agatha looks down at her precious little boy's pleading face
and she smiles at him, and nicky gives her a big relieved grin.
evanora is not stealing this moment. she did her worst to fuck with agatha's brain chemistry, but in one fundamental thing she failed: agatha is capable of loving her kid. despite all her other shortcomings, she will never blame nicky for her own faults.
she does a cute little dance for him, and this is what they do, isn't it? he's too small to explain his big feelings and she is too scared, and so they sing to each other and hope the love is understood anyway.
see how he touches the brooch? if only she could have loved nicky in vacuum, without any of the emotional baggage. but he is only the last link in a long chain of witches, pain and and tears and blood that made him what he is. agatha cannot escape her identity and legacy no matter how much she tries, and she couldn't protect nicky from it either.
the last time she sees nicky alive he's smiling adoringly at her. this is the boy she can't face in the afterlife, because her own guilt is so strong she's convinced he will hate her.
nicky dies peacefully in his mother's arms. his soul wakes up and sees rio waiting for him.
that some good cinema dear lord
rio waves at nicky. he doesn't know her (when who will return?) but he still trusts her implicity - she's been around him his whole short life, in the woods, in the water, in his lungs.
and - the bit that destroyed us all - she makes nicky go to agatha one last time. go kiss your mama goodbye.
light and dark, growth and decay, here and beyond.
remember when alice died and the camera turned upside down? ot stops halfway here. agatha has been affected so profoundly by nicky's death that she can never let herself go back to the land of the living, but she's also too scared to follow rio to the other side. she's stuck in the middle, consumed by the impossible dream of bringing nicky back, never allowing herself to find peace and companionship again. in love with death, but running away from it.
(people never seem to make crack and humor vids for episode 9, isn't that curious? when it's soooo fun and lighthearted!)
well ain't that just brutal
I have always known
This Road is cruel and wild
I bury my own heart
Here with you, my child
(I think those are lavender flowers? I'm not 100% sure)
coolcoolcoolcoolcool. that's fine. I'm absolutely fine.
BARRIERS UP right away. even if she looks like a mess. especially because she looks like a mess. she's not showing weakness in front of anyone, she's protecting her grief like a jealous goblin, and since she cannot run, she straightens her dress and gets ready to fight. the option to ask for help and comfort doesn't even cross her mind.
her eyes still full of tears / agatha gets another wonderful, awful idea.
we've seen this so many times, haven't we? the real agatha disappears behind the character she plays. the agatha we've seen from the very start, since the moment she walked into wanda's living room, has been a lie. very few people have ever seen a hint of the poor bruised heart she hides inside, and only to rio and (to some extent) nicky she has ever opened up.
how can someone go from total heartbreak to planning murder in the span of two minutes? well, you can if you are agatha harkness and have never learned one healthy coping mechanism in your life. and I'm sure she's already rationalizing it as something like "if I get powerful enough I can bring nicky back." but the truth is, she just wants to get drunk on magic and murder and stop feeling so horrible. she's running away, like usual. she's planning to kill witches in front of the grave of the very kid who begged her not to, and she's using his song to do it. as if that's not gonna haunt her or anything.
(it really gets me how agatha's smiles are so different from kathryn's. agatha never smiles with her eyes, except when she's with nicky.)
agatha's diabolical scam is so stupid if you think about, definitely worthy of the clown she has become. just pretend the Road didn't open and then annoy people into attacking you! better than using a literal child as bait, I guess.
here she absorbs a yellow coven, and yep, it does look like covens are all supposed to be the same color?
the bodies from the agnes of westview opening.
orange coven in the late 1800s. I really like that dress and hat on her
blue coven in the 1920s, and another cunty outfit
I know you guys like the 90s look, but it makes me laugh how hard she was trying for that Craft vibe. and we don't see the beams color here.
and finally, our girls. (I miss you all so muchhhhh)
what do you know! looks like a door has appeared! (sharonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!)
from fuck has my karma caught up with me to well well well, looks like we have another little maximoff on our hands
and speaking of little maximoffs and giant assholes...
go to episode 9 part 5
#agatha all along#agatha deep dive#agatha harkness#nicholas scratch#character analysis#tw: child death
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Please check out your local library!!
I volunteered at a library this summer where my main tasks were returning books and organizing. Here’s some common books I saw tons of in the library that you can get for free!
Cooking. So much cooking. All kinds of foods, dietary limitations, and cultural specific.
Crafts (sewing, crocheting, knitting, painting, decorating, pottery, drawing, and cross stitching are what I can remember just off the top of my head. So many)
ESL/learning English
Foreign language learning
Financial advice
So many “___ for idiots”
Destinations / countries
Mental health / disorders (and recovery)
Music (including sheet music)
Classics (the ones you see read in high school)
Test prep (including SAT, ACT, PSAT, ect)
Gardening / how to grow stuff
Pet care
Child care
Illness information / coping
Disability information / coping
Both specific and general historical topics (From just the history of America in general, the history of a certain group of people, to history of certain events, ect.)
Most hobbies.
Religion
How-to’s and guides
Audio books and movies are usually available in the hundreds. Popular books and movies are accessible.
It’s usually disability friendly and most are also offering free games and devices to borrow.
Most also have computers where if you are looking for a certain book, it will tell you where it is in the library or which nearby libraries do have that book.
Fiction books are also abundant and usually the genre is labeled on the spine.
Even if you don’t want to take a book out, you can sit there all day and just read a book. It’s a good, quiet place for those stuck in a chaotic situation. It usually has AC/heat, bathrooms, and water fountains too. As long as you’re not a snorer, no one really cares if you even take a nap.
Overall, I cannot recommend libraries enough. People really think why go when you have the internet, but it really has everything and an immediate option so you don’t have to search. And, once again, free!
Libraries, especially in more conservative areas, are getting less and less funding and more and more restriction on books with content regarding LGBTQ+, black history/authors, and safe sex. Donate to your local library. Visit. Check out what is there. There literally is no negative!!
#mental health#positivity#self care#mental illness#self help#recovery#ed recovery#pro recovery#actuallytraumatized#actually cptsd#library#libraries#studying#study affirmations#studyblr#affirmations#politics#us politics#book#books#self improvement#self love#sat#psat#psa#resources#love#quotes#body positive#art
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«Justice of those pure of heart»
ADA x reader hcs because why not?
WARNINGS! : Dazai being Dazai, mentions of alcohol and war in Yosano's part
FEAT! : Atsushi; Dazai; Kunikida; Yosano x gn!reader
➜ Atsushi Nakajima ᗢ
ᗢ He asks Yosano for advice; it doesn’t matter. Presents? Yosano has to say they fit the occasion. A nice day in a park? Yosano makes Atsushi check the weather forecast. She saved dates.
ᗢ Atsushi would buy plushies as gifts. He started doing it after he saw how much joy they brought to Kyoka and they became his go-to gifts for everyone.
ᗢ Atsushi’s ability lets him turn into a tiger, tigers are felines, felines sleep for about 16 hours a day. Therefore, Atsushi too sleeps for 16 hours (and has a tiny kitty plushie he got from Kyoka <3)
ᗢ Atsushi once scratched you. It was an accident. It didn’t even hurt. But this chazuke loving boy cried for half an hour because he ‘hurt’ you.
ᗢ You once took him to the Zoo. He started rambling about chameleons. He just loves them. His love for them can be explained in two ways: 1. He wants to blend into the background like them, so that he can forget what he’s been through, so he can be like everyone. 2. They're just cool.
➜ Osamu Dazai 𓍯
𓍯 Jokes that he would love to commit suicide with you, but I feel like he’d stop you say you’re uncomfortable… maybe brings you some flowers, to Yosano’s recommendation, he bought with the money he “borrowed” from Kunikida as an apology.
𓍯 Has a small crab plushie Atsushi and Kyoka gave him and used it to pinch your cheeks or places it on your head when he’s bored.
𓍯 Do NOT fall asleep near him, unless you want to be turn into a bandage mummy, because personal space is not a concep in Dazai’s vocabulary… at all….
𓍯 You cannot look at this man and tell me he wouldn’t blow in your ear to annoy you, Kunkida and/or Chuuya.
𓍯 Dazai may have on this goofy and careless personality, but the one time he was actually sad and brought to tears was when he told you about Oda. poor Oda
➜Doppo Kunikida ✎
✎ Kunikida had a hamster as a kid. He started liking math because he would count the amount of seeds it ate every day.
✎ Kunikida on the note of his math teacher past, he gave Kenji math homework once, but had to explain it with cows.
✎ Kunikida gets mad if you aren’t organized, he’ll tidy up of course, but not without commenting and giving you sour looks.
✎ Once asked Yosano for advice on what to wear to a date and ended up with a wardrobe full of clothes. He’ll never do it again.
✎ Kunikida is almost blind without his glasses, he once tried to hug you without them and ended up hugging a door.
➜ Akiko Yosano 𓌏
𓌏 Watches M*A*S*H* every chance she gets as a way to cope with her childhood. Please watch it with her. It’s an amazing show. The show screams Yosano. (I feel like her favorite would be Colonel Potter. He’s 100% the guy she would have wanted to work under. she cried during the last episode, not wanting the show she resonated so much with to end.)
𓌏 Yosano sleeps with her socks on and has an unholy big collection of them, most of them have Japanese sweets on them or random stuff she bought with Kyoka or Naomi.
𓌏 Drunkenly confessed what happened during the war once. She spat out everything. The pain drowned in liquor, everything now just a foggy memory of abuse and injustice. She took the hair pin off that day.
𓌏 Yosano took you shopping, Kyoka tags along, of course you had to pay for everything. And if you didn’t I’ll pay for Yosano and Kyoka happily . Before you know it it’s already late, the bag is full of random stuff, like scented candles and even more socks.
𓌏 Yosano reads romance. A lot of it. She became the ADA’s romance counselor. So you better be good at preparing dates or she’ll pout a little.
𖦹ׂ ₊˚⊹⋆Yay~ Thank you for getting till the very end~ A part two will come with the other ADA members.ᐟ𖦹ׂ ₊˚⊹⋆
#bsd#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#bsd atsushi#atsushi nakajima#bsd kunikida#bsd yosano#yosano akiko#bungou stray dogs yosano#yosano x reader#atsushi bsd#atsushi x reader#atsushi x you#kunikida doppo#kunikida bsd#kunikida x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#dazai bsd#dazai x reader#dazai x you#bungou stray dogs kunikida#kunikida x you#atsushi headcanons#dazai headcanons#kunikida headcanons#yosano headcanons#foxglove’s works
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