#i imagine they're 11-13 here

[zorangezest]

ok but what if they were both kids and best friends and i was methodically shredding the canon storyline into confetti

and then they both became war criminals the end

[andyoullhearitagain]

Every Starfleet Uniform Ranked By How Annoying The Sleeve Is To Sew, Part 2

Part 1

6. TOS Men's Uniform:

Here we have 1. Quite a severe curve 2. with a zipper in it 3. an invisible zipper at that 4. with pattern matching through the zipper at the collar

5. in velour (slippery). Woof.

7. Disco:

OK we've got two points of pattern matching, but they don't have to be too precise because they've got this round shiny striped piece between them. Of course that piecing means we're basically setting a sleeve in twice, but I will concede that the stretch will be more forgiving than a woven would be. Add in the piecing on the bicep and two different sticky rubber-y fabrics for further difficulty. 

8. TNG Version 2B and Voyager:

All the work of a tailored sleeve with an added inverse corner in an intersection of four seams.

PLUS two points of pattern matching, which is very tricky in an armsyce because you're trying to get the pitch right. You can see in TNG they often have trouble with it and have either a jog in the pattern matching

or too much ease in the wrong place to force the pattern to match.

They seem to have figured it out by Voyager though. I'm also fairly certain they have raglan shoulder pads in them instead of regular ones, which isn't really harder I guess but is a bit odd (no shade, they're incredibly flattering).

9. DS9/ TNG Movies:

All the difficulties of the TNG armscye and now we've added trim, meaning we really have four points of pattern matching instead of two. I could be persuaded that the contrast pieces are applied over the upper sleeve piece instead of pieced, which is easier than what TNG is doing.

10. Enterprise:

I think this is regular raglan sleeve and not some kind of half raglan/half set in sleeve like we see in TNG. Either way it's a bit easier than the TNG sleeve because the trim and yoke are applied on top and top stitched. But we've still got that mitered corner in our bias trim and our four points of pattern matching on the shoulder seam. And then we've also added like four zippers!!!

11. Picard:

What did the stitchers do to this designer? FOUR inverse corners (I guess at least it doesn't intersect a seam this time) PLUS the piecing at the cuff, PLUS all the pattern matching at the armscye, and all in stretch (I think). The only reason it's not the most difficult sleeve is because it looks fairly flat and I bet if you do a nice tight hand baste you can get everything lined up on the first try. Also this is not strictly speaking part of the sleeve but those little corners in the yoke? Good grief.

12. TNG Version 2A:

Never in my life have I seen an armscye like this. What is this even called? How do you construct it? I suppose I would sew the sleeve pieces together, set them in the armscye, then sew the raglan/yoke pieces together at the shoulder seam and then stitch them all the way across the front and then all the way across the back. But good grief. The ONLY other sleeve I could find remotely like this is this 1940s Simplicity pattern (it's on ebay if you want it).

With a few added seams you can imagine what these pattern pieces must look like.

13. TNG Version 1:

All the malarkey of 2A except you've got to do it in spandex. I'd pick wool any day. We also have a second yoke (?!) so now we have to do that little inverse corner TWICE and also add piping. Never in my life have I done an intersection of piping correctly the first time.

And then on top of all that it's ugly. Terrible sewing experience. Worst sleeve in Star Trek *bangs gavel*.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 11: Free Fall

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14

How many nights did you wish someone would stay? (Lie awake only hoping they're okay?)

(In which an angst writer makes her comeback in more ways than one)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Fluff if you squint?

Words: 8.0K

TW: Swearing (that's probably it?)

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Y'all are the sweetest people ever for being so patient with me but it's finally here! I'm hoping that I don't put y'all through this again but it is almost finals season so...fingers crossed. While you read this chapter, I'd like y'all to keep in mind how much you love me and how much y'all wanted a new chapter and of course my favorite phrase: for the plot! I tried to edit but I hate reading my own work back and so it's not as thorough as it should be and there's probably typos so lemme know. As always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't and what you'd like to see next. Have a lovely week my angels!

May 2025 

It’s her first ever WNBA game -Dallas Wings vs Washington Mystics- and the first thing Paige notices as she steps onto the court is that the two courtside seats right by the Mystics bench are empty. The sound of music streaming through the speakers clashes against the raucous crowds; the lights are dimmed and there’s a riveting thrum of energy swirling the arena in anticipation for a generational talent’s professional debut. Paige has spent the days leading up to her first game immersed in basketball. Since training camps, she hasn’t let herself think of anything except how to make sure the ball went through the hoops, how to make sure the person in front of her didn’t score, how to win. 

It’s easier that way. Because then she doesn’t have to think about how empty and cold her bed feels at night, doesn’t have to think about how much she craves to press call on a number she knows she should have blocked, doesn’t have to think about how the pieces of her shattered world are barely bound together by a tape of pretend. Paige can’t think of any of that and so she’s spent every second awake, clearing her head of all potential distractions and focusing on preparing for this moment. 

Except, the moment is here now. 

And all Paige can fixate on is the empty courtside seats. 

The memories come back to her in waves; the two of them in those seats, pressed together -as close as it could be acceptable for their façade of best friends to be- as they weaved dreams of it being their turn on the professional stage. If she listens closely, Paige swears that amidst the chaos, she can still hear the echo of a promise that had once been made casually in conversation. 

“When you play here for the first time, I’ll be right here cheering you on. Every single time.”

Another broken promise. 

The truth is that the last few weeks as much as it’s felt like Paige is walking on a carpet of roses, there have been countless sharp thorns woven through the petals. She’s tried to avoid them -focusing on what she had, instead of what she’d lost- but they’d found a way to perforate through her skin anyways. And Paige knows she’s bleeding but she can’t scream, so she swallows the pain away instead. Memories of the past are piercing her feet and it feels like she’s leaving a trail of it feels incomplete without you behind her as she navigates the journey through her present, stepping towards a future that would be nothing like the one she’d imagined when she’d been a naive girl sitting in those courtside seats. 

The courtside seats that are empty tonight. 

Really it’s exactly what she should’ve expected. And there’s something so final about this moment, like the last flicker of a candle that had burned in secret. Paige hadn’t even realized she was still holding out for something but as she drags her eyes away from the seats and towards her father and brother who are practically vibrating with pride, she can feel the tautness of the string that she’d held onto. Because she hasn't told them; hasn’t told anybody about the breakup. 

Something about vocalizing it had felt just a little too real and Paige had evaded any potential situation that would warrant her having to reveal the tirth. But it hits her now, looking at those damn empty seats that should've been -in another life would’ve been- filled by her other family, that the words she’d been too scared to say out loud -for fear of them being enshrined into reality- had already probably been spoken into existence by someone else. And it hits Paige now, that maybe she’s desperately holding onto a rope that has already been let go of. 

“You good Bueckers?” she whirls around to find Arike looking at her, eyebrows raised in concern. 

“I’m fine,” Paige lies; she’s gotten so incredibly good at that, “just thinking a lot of thoughts.”

Arike nods in understanding, “fair enough. But you got this dude,” she reaches out a hand to squeeze her rookie’s shoulder, “whatever you’re thinking, when you get on that court, none of it’s gonna matter. All that matters for 40 minutes is the game and that we come out of it with a win. You gonna help us win Paige?”

“That’s the fucking plan,” Paige smirks, earning her a matching one from Arike before the shooting guard saunters onto the court, ready for tip-off.

All that matters is the game. 

Paige sucks in a deep breath, letting herself look over at the courtside seats one more time. This is her reality now. There’s no point in waiting for a regretful phone call or a surprise midnight knock on her door because it’s not going to happen. She feels a sense of hollowed acceptance as she finally turns away from the seats, plastering on a confident smile as she takes her place in the Dallas Wings starting five. And Paige is faced with the same truth that she’d learned at a far too young age; that people would leave her but the game never would. 

***

Dallas wins the game by 17 points. Paige’s statline is 21 points, 6 rebounds and 8 assists with 2 steals and a block. It’s a respectable statement from the rookie and her teammates are overjoyed. She’s surrounded by them as they celebrate winning their first game of the season and there’s a sense of hopeful excitement about how the rest of the season could go. Her eyes go over the top of them to find the cute Dallas local reporter that Paige had befriended shooting her a congratulatory wink and she blushes a little bit, looking away bashfully. In the distance, Paige can make out a small crowd of people decked in custom Wings #5 jersey, whistling in excitement. Despite the home fans, their celebration still echoes around the stadium and the loudest cheer comes from her brother who stands next to her father, both of them beaming with pride. And It’s almost enough to prevent her eyes from wandering back to the empty courtside seats. Almost. 

***

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. With the quick transition from the college season into the draft, Paige hadn’t had found time to go home inbetween. And so when the Wings had been making hotel arrangements for DC, she’d opted to stay with her dad and Drew in Maryland instead. But as she stands in the doorway to her bedroom, staring at a wall filled with pictures that are an ode to the past - collages that are practically a shrine to her broken relationship- Paige finds herself longing for the cold, unfeeling exterior of a foreign hotel room. 

Paige’s life can be split into two parts. There’s the Before Azzi and then there’s the With Azzi. And the truth is that there isn’t much from the Before Azzi left in Paige’s life. Every inch of her current life has been touched by the brunette, illuminated by her presence and now, it’s tainted by her absence. Especially in Maryland. Since she’d met the Virginia native, the DMV area had always been synonymous with the Fudds for Paige and she can’t remember a time when she’d been here -when she’d been in this bedroom- and not had plans to see them- to see Azzi. 

She takes a hesitant step inside, eyes gliding over each photograph and it’s like she’s being transported through time. The memories are as vivid as ever, bursting with color as they ellipse her mind. Paige can picture every moment like she’d lived it yesterday. She can still hear their laughter echoing through the air, can feel the softness of their hands -their bodies- brushing against each other, can still taste the lingering sweetness of their lips meeting halfway as they breathed silent promises against each other’s skin. 

A silent sob wracks through Paige’s body as she brushes her fingers over the most recent image of them from December -the last photograph she’d had time to print out. It’s one that Drew had taken of them in the kitchen- Paige propped up on the counter and Azzi in between her legs, one hand on the counter with the other resting right against Paige’s heart. Neither of them had even noticed the little boy, too wrapped up in each other; they were in their own world like they often had been. Azzi’s head is thrown back in laughter -probably at some ridiculous joke her girlfriend had cracked- and Paige has that goofy - just for Azzi- grin on her face as she gazes at the brunette with nothing but adoration. 

The picture is from barely six months ago but they look so young to Paige, so innocent, so naive, so fucking happy, so completely unaware that in a couple of months, one hesitantly spoken word would dissolve that happiness into a puddle of rubble. 

No. 

She thinks that one simple word is destined to echo through her ears, like that unpleasant screech of nails scratching against a chalkboard, for as long as she still has the ability to hear. Paige hadn’t even really heard it at first; it had been said so softly, so quietly, so brokenly and she’d barely seen Azzi’s lips move. For the briefest moment she’d tricked her mind into believing it was just the sound of the wind around them. But then there it was again. 

Louder. 

Stronger. 

No.

Paige’s hands instinctively clasp around her ears, fingers tangling tightly through her blond hair, because she can still fucking hear it. Here in this bedroom, where every corner still holds a little part of Azzi -holds a little part of them- the sting of rejection is louder than it’s been since it had first hit. Because it’s not just the pictures. It’s all the little pieces of them they’d left scattered over Christmas break, thinking they’d come back to it together.

 It’s a set of Azzi’s earrings -one Paige vaguely remembers picking out for her when they’d gone shopping a couple of weeks before- placed delicately on Paige’s dresser. It’s the pink sweater -that neither of them are sure who it originally belongs to but like most of their clothes, is basically a shared item at this point- haphazardly thrown over a chair. It’s that stupid book they’d started reading together -Paige lying across her girlfriend’s lap, toying with her curls as Azzi read the story out loud- still lying on the nightstand, waiting to be finished. 

Despite being alone in her room, Paige finds herself rapidly shaking her head. Because she can’t do this. Can’t spend a night in this room that had barely ever been just hers, had always felt more like theirs. She can’t sleep on that bed, no when her last memory of it is being tangled in the sheets with Azzi on a cold wintry morning, their legs intertwined with each other as they’d giggled to themselves in between languid lazy kisses. And maybe it’s pathetic of her but she can’t find it in herself to unmake the bed, not when her last memory of the two of them in this room is her leaning against the wall, shamelessly checking out her girlfriend as Azzi neatly made the bed, chiding Paige for the nth time on the importance of tidiness. 

“When are you gonna learn how to make your bed,” Azzi had sighed. 

Grinning, Paige had wrapped her arms around her girlfriend from behind, slotting her face into the crevice of Azzi’s neck and brushing her lips against the patch of skin, “I know how to make my bed. I just never have to because I’ll always have you to do it for me.”

Except for the last few weeks, Paige has had to make her own bed and she fucking hates it. 

Breathing sharply, Paige slowly backs out of her bedroom, gently pulling the door shut. She leans her forehead against the cool mahogany frame, trying to calm herself down. There’s been a nonstop dull ache in her chest since that night but tonight feels different, like the cold hands of the past have managed to dig under her ribcage and squeeze her heart  -something sharp digging into her arteries- so hard that it hurts just to exist. Paige gives herself a couple more seconds, creating half-moons as she digs her nails into her palms, before she finally pulls away from the door, heading towards her brother’s room down the hall. 

“You know you really should start knocking before you come into my room,” Drew says with a mock annoyance that’s betrayed by his large grin, as Paige slips into his room, “I’m almost a teenager.”

Despite the heaviness that’s still lingering between her lungs, Paige suddenly finds it a lot easier to breathe. Her little brother’s bedroom is dark, save for red LED lights and dim glow of the TV. Drew is reclined on his bed, gripping a white gaming controller between his hands. 

“You’re always gonna be a baby to me Drewski,” she teases, stepping towards him to ruffle his hair, laughing when he ducks her hand and shoots her an irritated glare in response. 

“Not the hair,” he whines and then groans as his eyes flicker back to the screen, towards the game he'd been playing, “damnit Paigey you just got me killed.”

“Hey hey hey, don’t blame me for your incompetence,” Paige chides. 

Drew rolls his eyes, before reaching over to hand over the other controller, “you wanna play?”

Paige shakes her head, gently pushing his hand away, “nah I just-” she chews at her bottom lip, shuffling her feet with uncharacteristic nervousness, “I was just uh- just wondering if I could stay in here tonight? We could have a sleepover? Like old times? Just you and me.”

It’s heartwarming the way her little bother’s eyes light up -like he’s still the little boy that used to fit perfectly in Paige’s arms, not almost a teenager who’ll eventually be taller than her- as he nods excitedly, scooching over to give his older sister space on his bed. Paige crawls gingerly onto the bed, hesitating for a second, before she lays her head on her brother’s lap, curling into herself. Drew is warm and inviting and familiar and for a second she almost forgets that serrated pain shooting through her nerves. But then it all comes rushing back and Paige has to swallow harshly to keep herself from giving into the fresh new set of tears that are re-emerging on her waterline. 

“Paigey,” Drew whispers softly as he runs his finger through her delicate blonde hair, clearly sensing something’s wrong, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine Drew,” she means to keep her voice strong but it comes out as broken as she feels. 

“Paigey,” the little boy’s voice is more worried now, “should I call Azzi?” 

This time the whimper escapes before Paige can stop it as she tightly closes her eyes. She knows her brother means well; knows that Drew doesn’t really remember Paige without Azzi- doesn’t remember a time before his sister knew how to heal without the brunette’s touch. He’d watched Paige celebrate all her victories with Azzi and he’d seen the same girl hold his sister in all her tragedies, putting her back together every time she broke with promises of you’ll have always have me. From the moment Drew was old enough to understand his sister’s feelings, he was also perceptive enough to understand that Azzi was always what she needed, no matter how she was feeling. And it’s still true, Paige thinks; she wants nothing more than to say yes, wants nothing more than for Drew to call Azzi, so Paige can tell her how much she fucking misses her- how much she fucking needs her. 

Perhaps it's pride or maybe it’s fear, but Paige doesn’t say what she wants. Instead she vigorously shakes her head in her brother’s lap, “n-no it’s fine. I’m fine. It’s late and Azzi’s busy-”

“Azzi’s never too busy for you,” Drew says indignantly, “I’m gonna call her.”

“Drew stop,” Paige’s voice is much firmer this time as she wraps a strong arm around her little brother’s knee, stopping him from moving, “we’re not calling Azzi.”

She could tell him now. After all, she’s going to have to when he inevitably asks why he hasn’t seen Azzi -why he hasn’t seen the girl who’s been a part of his life for more than half of it- in so long. But even though the words sit scratchily on the tip of her tongue, she still isn’t quite ready to spit them out; isn’t quite ready to confront reality. 

“Why not,” petulance coats Drew’s tone. 

“Because I’m fine and I don’t need- I don’t want to talk to her,” Paige lies. 

The little boy scoffs, “you always want to talk to her.”

He doesn’t know the way that simple sentence turns the cracked pieces of Paige’s heart into dust as she tightens her grips on his leg, “Drew please- please just let it go.”

“Why,” Drew argues stubbornly, “why can’t we call her.”

“We just-” Paige’s voice breaks, as she scrambles to wipe her tears before they can wet her little brother’s shirt, “we just can’t okay?”

And there must be something in her voice -the anguish that no amount of trying is able to hide- that Drew pieces together to understand that this isn’t a battle he can win, no matter how much he and Paige might both want him to. The young boy slowly droops his body back to its reclining position, his fingers returning back to Paige’s hair as he begins to stroke her head again. 

“It’s gonna be okay Paigey,” he whispers with all the hopeful innocence of a blissfully naive little boy, “everything gonna be okay.”

And god does Paige want to believe him. But the courtside seats were empty tonight. And she’s in the DMV with no plans to see the Fudds- to see Azzi. And she’ll never know the ending to that stupid book on her bedside table. 

She wants to believe Drew but Paige isn’t sure how anything’s ever going to be okay again. 

***

May 2033 

It should be a joyful moment -the three most important people in her life congregating together- but instead as Paige quietly observes the scene in her living room -Drew silently seething, Azzi fidgeting nervously with her thumbs and Stephie babbling away amidst it all- she feels suffocated by this heavy gray cloud of apprehension lingering above her head. If she’s honest with herself, she’s been on edge for a couple of days now, since training camp had begun to be precise. Since she’d moved to the Bay Area, everything else in Paige’s world had been eclipsed by Azzi and Stephie. The mother-daughter duo were all-consuming and if she’s honest with herself, Paige had been more than happy to let her thoughts -and her heart- be consumed by nothing but the two of them. 

It had been so easy to forget everything else and the tentative verbal three-way deal she technically had with the Valkyries and the Liberty had pretty much ceased to exist in her thoughts. That is until Angie Davis -the lynchpin in this agreement- had been selected, just as everyone had predicted, to the Valkyries. The Stanford PG had shown up to training camp with a shy smile and an eagerness to learn that all the rest of the vets on the team had warmly embraced. But all Paige saw in the girl was the ticking time bomb of a decision she’d forgotten she’d have to make. And it isn’t just the reminder of the decision that has Paige feeling at unease; it’s why she has to make this decision in the first place, the reason behind why she’d agreed to this deal in the first play, why she’d been so adamant for Talia to make sure she didn’t get stuck here. 

Eight years ago, Azzi Fudd had broken her heart and Paige has spent every moment since, trying to collect the shattered pieces and reassemble them. 

And the last thing Paige had wanted to do was give Azzi the hammer to smash her barely fixed heart again. 

That’s what it had felt like when Talia had first brought up the Valkyries offer. It wasn’t that she and Azzi hadn’t been in each other’s orbit the last couple of years -it was impossible not to- but since the breakup, they’d never been around each other long enough, never quite been in the right situations, for that opportunity to present itself again. But Paige had known that if she came to the Valkyries, it would be an inevitability. That belief had only been strengthened the day she’d visited the Bay Area. She’d been adamant from the second she’d gotten on the flight that she couldn’t be persuaded to join Golden State, no matter how much she respected the organization and how well she’d fit into their system; no matter how much she adored the city and its love for her favorite sport.

But then she’d met a little girl who had an identical smile to the one that had held her captive since she was fifteen and barely knew what love was. And if Stephie with her doe-eyed wisdom that Paige would look great in purple wasn’t enough, then there was Azzi. Paige had expected Azzi to tell her to decline the offer. In a way that’s what she wanted; the masochistic need to feel the sting of that rejection again so she wouldn’t be tempted to burn herself in the fire again. But the brunette had done the opposite and Paige had known by just how quick her resolve had succumbed, that she’d been right to fear the inevitability. And it was that fear that had prompted the verbal agreement with the Liberty; an escape plan she’d forgotten she’d devised. 

Because escaping had been the last thing on Paige’s mind the last few weeks. 

All of Paige’s fears and apprehension had seemed to take a backseat the moment Azzi had smiled -hesitant but real- and said she was ready to try, the moment Stephie’s tiny hands had fit perfectly into her own. 

But she can feel it all coming back now, bubbling to the surface and threatening to spill over like lava, wiping out this paradise she’s been in with Stephie and Azzi. It had started with the reminder of the Liberty deal but it’s Drew’s presence -his scowl directed at Azzi that feels like one of a brother still betrayed on his sister’s behalf- that had heightened it. Her little brother’s anger, and the genuine hurt that lingers behind it, feels like a dark reminder of Paige’s own heartbreak. 

Suddenly she feels like she’s 23, playing her first WNBA game and instead of celebrating a solid debut, she’s sobbing in her little brother’s lap over the girl who had walked away. 

“Miss Buecks,” Paige looks down to find Stephie crawling into her lap, “are we ready to order the pizza now?”

The little girl’s arms wrapping around her neck eases some of Paige’s discomfort as she smiles down at Stephie. 

“I’ve been ready for ages. You were the one yapping away,” she teases. 

Stephie pouts, “I don’t yap,” she turns her body towards Azzi, “Mama I don’t yap do I?”

Azzi’s own tense body seems to relax a little as she smirks at the two of them, “you definitely yap Stephie-”

“Mama,” Stephie protests, looking betrayed. 

“But not nearly as much as your Miss Buecks yaps,” Azzi’s eyes twinkle with mirth as Paige splutters, jaw dropping open with mock offense, “between the two of you, it’s a miracle my poor ears haven’t fallen off.”

“Just for that I’m not adding veggies to the pizza,” Paige sticks her tongue out, causing Stephie to giggle and Azzi to roll her eyes at the display of immaturity. 

Paige slips out her phone, pulling up their usual pizza place on doordash and quickly plugs in her memorized orders for everyone in the room as Stephie gets herself comfortable on the blonde’s lap. The five-year old leans her head back against Paige’s chest, who instinctively wraps her free hand around Stephie’s waist, keeping her securely in place. 

“So uncle Drew,” Stephie says with a grin, slightly leaning forward as she addresses the man sitting rigidly on the edge of the sofa, “did Miss Buecks yap a lot when she was younger too.”

“Be careful how you answer that,” Paige warns with a good natured glare in her brother’s direction, trying to lighten his mood. 

It works to an extent as a small smirk slips onto the edges of Drew’s lip, “oh she was a chronic yapper.”

“What does che-ronic mean?” Stephie asks, scrunching her nose in confusion.

Drew laughs, eyes glittering with mischief, “it means she didn’t know when to shut up.”

“Drew Thomas,” Paige guffaws, “you’re supposed to be my little brother, protecting your older sister’s honor and all of that.”

“Hey,” Drew raises his hand in surrender, “my older sister taught me to never lie, especially not to children.”

“Did you really talk that much?” Stephie asks, turning to Paige with wide eyes. 

“Don’t listen to him Stephie-bean,” the blonde says, brushing her hands through Stephie’s curls, “it’s all bullsh-”

“Paige,” Azzi hisses immediately as the older woman bites her lip to stop the curse word from escaping. 

“Bullsharks,” Paige amends, “fake news. False advertising. I was a calm and quiet kid for sure.”

Drew snorts, leaning back into the sofa and Paige lets out a soft sigh of relief at seeing her brother relax. Her eyes flicker over to Azzi, feeling a sense of calmness when she sees the younger girl’s nervous fidgeting has stilled and there’s a tentative smile on her face. 

 “You weren’t calm or quiet,” he says pointedly. 

“Was too,” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“Yes you were,” Drew presses, “Stephie if you don’t believe me, ask your Mama,” he turns to Azzi, “tell her Azzi. She literally yapped your ear off into becoming your friend.”

Azzi blanches, clearly shocked at having been so cavalierly addressed, and even Paige is a little surprised by the expectant “agree with me look” that Drew is giving the brunette after having spent the last moments practically glaring at her. But really it probably shouldn’t be that surprising. Because Drew and Paige are cut from the same material and letting Azzi into the folds seems to just come naturally to both of them. And it’s so familiar to when they’d all been years and years younger -two college students and a little boy - so familiar to the countless nights spent in Minnesota and DC and Connecticut where several silly arguments like this between Paige and Drew had ultimately ended with them both turning to Azzi -the forever moderator- in hopes that she’d side with them. 

She’d always sided with Drew -much to Paige’s chagrin, though she’d been secretly enamored by the relationship between her girlfriend and her brother- and this time is no different as Azzi shakes off the shock, replacing it with a cheeky expression. 

“Didn’t shut up for 14 whole hours,” she laments, her voice filled with teasing but she smiles at the blonde as if she’s reminiscing it, reminiscing the moment that began it all for them and Paige can’t help the hopelessly sappy smile she gives her in return. 

“14 hours? You talked for 14 whole hours, Miss Buecks?” Stephie’s eyes are comically large as she echoes the number. 

“Of course not,” Paige defends, eyebrows creasing as she glares at the other two adults in the room, “this is bullying. Stephie,” she whines, nuzzling her head into the little girl’s neck, “they’re ganging up on me.”

“There there Miss Buecks,” Stephie says diligently as she pats at the older woman’s cheek. 

“We’re just telling the truth,” Drew shrugs. 

“Exactly,” Azzi nods solemnly, “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

She grins, reaching her hand out for a high five and Paige watches as Drew raises his own hand, ready to reciprocate. For a second it feels like everything is coming together; like the past could just stay in the past. But then he stops midair. The easy smile fades from his face and the previous tautness comes rushing back. He pulls his hand back, turning away from Azzi, who’s face slowly falls back. The lightheartedness from mere seconds ago is replaced by the tension from before and that burden of all that’s happened between us returns as a heavy weight pressed against Paige’s heart. 

“Paigey used to yap a lot,” Drew says slowly, “like I said you couldn’t get her to shut up and then one day,” he pauses, angry eyes darting towards Azzi, “one day she just got quiet- she shut up- she stopped yapping all the time.”

“Why?” Stephie asks softly, her tone a mixture of concern and genuine curiosity. 

Paige’s arm tightens around the little girl in her lap as she shoots her brother a pleading look, “Drew-”

“Because someone-” there’s so much venom in the word that it makes Azzi visibly flinch and Paige wants to soothe away the creases forming in her forehead, “someone broke her heart. And it took years- it took years to get her back to normal, to get her yapping again. To get my sister back to who she was.”

There’s pindrop silence as Drew seethes at his own words and Azzi rapidly blinks back tears, until Stephie turns around in Paige’s lap, tiny hands cupping the blonde’s face as she tries not to let her emotions show in front of the little girl. 

“Someone broke your heart?” Stephie looks so upset by the idea that Paige wants to vehemently deny it, “how could anyone break your heart Miss Buecks?”

She means well -just a child concerned for one of her favorite people- but she has no idea of the dagger she’s just twisted in her own mother’s heart as a faint whimper escapes Azzi’s lips. Paige opens and closes her mouth, hopelessly looking at the brunette who’s digging her fist into the sofa, despair embedded all over her face. 

“Stephie-” Paige tries to say. 

“Don’t worry kid,” Drew cuts in instead, his voice steady and firm, “it happened once but I won’t-” his eyes burn with fire as he looks at Azzi, “I won’t let it happen again.”

“Stephie,” Paige says quietly after a moment, her gaze transfixed on Azzi whose doing her absolute best not to let her emotions show in front of her little girl, “sweetheart how ‘bout you show Uncle Drew around the house.”

“I don’t want to see the house,” Drew says petulantly as he stubbornly crosses his arms over his chest

“Yes. You. Do.” Paige grits out, trying not to curse when her younger brother rolls his eyes at her. 

“C’mon Uncle Drew,” Stephie says cheerfully as she slips off of Paige’s lap and reaches a hand out for the man instead, “Miss Buecks has a really cool house and maybe we can go steal some of her cool clothes.”

Drew sighs but he’s not immune to Stephie’s infectious energy. A hint of a grin sneaks through the cracks as he accepts the little girl’s offer. Stephie starts to pull him towards the staircase but the perceptive girl stops for a second in front of her mother, a cautious look on her face as Azzi musters up a grin to mollify the little girl's concern and Drew adamantly averts looking at the other woman. 

“Go on bean,” Azzi urges softly, keeping her shaky voice under control, “go show him the house.”

Stephie nods before gently pressing her lips against Azzi’s cheeks, eliciting a deep breath from her mother, before she practically drags Drew towards the staircase, already speaking a mile per minute.  

There’s a pause, filled with a combination of the quiet rumble of Stephie blabbering upstairs and Azzi’s uneven breathing. Then the tears that the brunette had been trying so hard to barricade behind her eyelids starts cascading down her cheeks and Paige almost trips on her own feet as she moves towards her. She falls to her knees in front of Azzi, gently brushing her against her cheek, before wrapping her hands around her tightly formed fists. 

“Baby don’t cry. Please I hate it when you cry,” Paige whispers softly, pressing her forehead against Azzi’s, “he’s just-”

“He’s right,” Azzi cuts her off, shaking her head. 

“Az-”

“He hates me-”

“He doesn’t-”

“He does,” Azzi presses, her tears falling faster now, “and he should. Paige I did break your heart,” they both flinch at the blunt statement, “and he doesn’t trust me because of it and he hasn’t forgiven me for it. I haven’t forgiven me for it.”

“Baby,” Paige echoes again, unsure what else to say. 

“Have you forgiven me?” 

The question lingers in the air as Azzi looks expectantly at her and Paige stumbles over her words, trying to find the right ones. She doesn’t really know how to answer the questions; hadn’t been expecting to be confronted with it tonight. Paige wants to say yes; she wants to take away Azzi’s guilt so fucking bad. These last few weeks had been so perfect, Paige had convinced herself she was over what had happened almost a decade ago. But if she’s honest with herself -if she’s honest to the memories of every night she’d spent sobbing into her pillows, missing the girl in front of her and resenting her for walking away- Paige doesn’t really know if she has forgiven Azzi. 

“Paige?” Azzi ask again, her voice breaking on the one syllable. 

Paige’s face crumbles as she looks at the girl defenselessly, “ Az, I-”

The doorbell rings at the exact moment and Stephie comes excitedly barrelling down the staircase as the two women scramble away from each other, trying to compose themselves. 

“Miss Buecks, Mama,” the younger girl hollers, “pizza’s here.”

Paige looks at Azzi who’s rushing to wipe away the remnants of her tears. She opens her mouth, desperately willing herself to find something, anything that could offer the girl in front of her some comfort; that could take their relationship away from the precipice of this cliff they’ve somehow found themselves on. But the right words don’t materialize and instead Paige closes her mouth and turns away, slowly heading towards Stephie as Azzi’s question continues to wreak havoc in her mind. 

And she wishes she could rewind the clock and freeze them where they had been just a couple of hours ago, freeze them in a moment where the past hadn’t weighed so heavily on the present. But perhaps the past had always been there and they’d simply just done a marvelous job ignoring it. Except tonight, they can’t seem to ignore it anymore. 

***

Paige thinks pizza has never tasted so terrible in her life. The mood at her basically unused dining table is numbingly sober; even Stephie has stopped her chatter, the little girl clearly picking up on the tense atmosphere around her as she quietly nibbles away at her slice of pizza. It’s in stark contrast to the innumerable dinners they’d had in the last three weeks; the three of them -Paige, Azzi and Stephie in between them- at the table or the counter or sometimes even the couch, raucous with laughter and smiles. Paige doesn’t understand how moments can shift like this; how last night could have been filled with giggles and grins and tonight is filled with nothing but a silence filled with too many unspoken words.

Her eyes flicker over to Azzi, who’s making a concerted effort to keep her own everted from both Bueckers siblings. The brunette’s question from before feels like a loud horn blaring in Paige’s ears, one that she can’t seem to find the off-switch for no matter how hard she searches for it. They’re barely a couple feet apart, sitting opposite each other with Drew next to Paige and Stephie next to Azzi, but the width of the table feels like it stretches for miles. Paige misses the warmth of Azzi’s body pressed against hers, misses the sly brush of their hands before their fingers would inevitably curl around each other’s underneath the table where Stephie couldn’t see. 

“Miss Buecks,” Paige swallows, trying to shake off the feeling of is this us crumbling again, as she diverts attention to Stephie who’s smiling at her with that cheeky grin that means she wants something. 

“What’s up Stephie-bean?” Paige asks and she’s convinced there’s magic in the little girl’s existence because despite the tightness she still feels in her chest, having Stephie close feels like a reason for her to breathe through it. 

“Can I have a soda?” Stephie asks, using the palm of her hands to frame her slightly tilted face as she juts out her bottom lip in a pleading. 

Paige grins, ready to concede as she often is with the little girl but Azzi speaks first, “no soda Stephie.”

Stephie pouts, “why not?”

“Because I said so,” Azzi says bluntly and Paige is taken back by the sharpness of it. 

“Mama please,” Stephie begs, “please, please, please.”

“No Stephie,” there’s a warning edge to Azzi’s tone but Stephie doesn’t pay much heed to it continuing to plead and the irritation on her mother’s face -clearly exacerbated by other things- gets more and more apparent. 

“Please Mama. Pizza just doesn’t go down right without soda,” the little girl argues, “can I please just have a little bit. Just a teeny tiny bit Please, please pretty please please-”

“Stephie, no” Azzi repeats, pinching the bridge of her nose as Drew and Paige exchange nervous glances. 

“Stephie, yes,” the little girl argues, stubbornly crossing her hands over her chest. 

“Ste-”

“I want soda. I want soda. Please, please, please, plea-”

“I said no Stephanie,” Azzi all but yells, startling Stephie into being quiet and making both Drew and Paige flinch. The little girl is wide-eyed for a second -not used to anything but her mother’s normally gentle way of dealing with her occasional brattiness- before her lips begin to tremble and big fat tears begin to spill down her cheeks. She scrambles out of her chair, beelining towards Paige and climbing onto her lap as she burrows her face into the blonde’s neck, wetting her shirt with tears. 

“Shhh, shhh sweetheart it’s okay,” Paige whispers to the little girl, gently rocking the two of them back and forth as she strokes her hair. 

She glances at Azzi, who’s adamantly looking, her face stone cold but regret gleaming in her eyes, “Az-”

“No,” the younger woman says immediately. 

“C’mon,” Paige says exasperatedly, “you don’t even know what I was gonna say.”

“If it’s about giving her a soda, I don’t wanna hear it,” Azzi warns, “you can’t just give into all of her demands all the time, you have to learn to say no and she needs to learn to hear it.”

“I hear you but Az it’s a Friday-”

“Paige-”

“A tiny bit of soda to start the weekend can’t hurt. In fact,” Paige smirks down at the little girl in her lap as she coaxes Stephie’s face out of her neck so she can wipe away the tears on her blotchy red face, “I think a little soda to start the weekend is probably good for you.”

She feels her heart soar when it makes Stephie giggle, letting out a couple teary hiccoughs in between as she clutches onto Paige. 

“I think so too Mama,” the little girl echoes, looking back at her mother with a timid grin. 

“Give in Azzi,” Paige matches the pleading smile on Stephie’s face as she turns her focus onto the brunette, “she deserves a little treat 

“I know what she deserves. I think I know what’s good for my daughter,” Azzi says steely and Paige feels something cold squeezing through her ribcage, “no soda Stephie. End of discussion.”

My daughter. 

The thing is Paige doesn’t even really think she has the right to be upset over Azzi’s statements. Really, it’s nothing but the truth. Stephie is Azzi’s daughter and Azzi definitely knows what’s good for her daughter. So why does it sting like this? Why does it feel like little shards of ice piercing into her heart, leaving deep gashes that have her whole body feeling like it’s freezing over? Paige knows why, knows that these past weeks had been enough to trick her mind into believing the mirage that Stephie was hers. But now Azzi’s flicked her fingers against it causing the whole fantasy to come crashing down and Paige feels herself slowly getting buried under the rubble of it. 

“Right," she says softly, trying to keep her voice steady, “she’s your daughter and you know best,” she ignores the tinge of guilt in Azzi’s eyes as she turns to Stephie who looks like she’s ready to protest again, “you heard your Mama Stephie. No soda tonight.”

“But Miss Buecks-” Stephie whines. 

“No sweetheart,” Paige says gently, shaking her head. 

The little girl narrows her eyes before letting out a frustrated groan as she slips off of Paige’s lap. She loudly stomps her feet, glaring at all the adults in the room before she angrily storms upstairs. It’s so unlike the usually even-keeled little girl that Paige thinks it’s probably a reaction to the tension she can sense between the adults. Her eyes drift over Drew -who’s chewing at his lips in a similar manner to how his big sister often does- before locking with Azzi’s and she feels that familiar guilt of there’s always collateral damage for our mistakes pooling at the pit of her stomach. The brunette breaks eye contact first, letting out a heavy sigh before she follows behind her daughter and Paige lets her face fall into her hands, 

It feels like everything’s in free fall, like during an earthquake when everything shakes and the books -the complicatedly tangled stories of the past and present- go flying from their shelves. Paige rubs at her eyelids, trying to make this helpless feeling go away. Her fingers are coiled tightly around a rope, just like they had been on that night eight years ago and just like that night, she can feel the tips of them starting to bleed. She can feel Drew’s gaze fixated on her; can tell he’s contemplating whether to say something or not. Swallowing, Paige pulls her face out of her palms to look at her brother, a decisively defiant expression on her face. 

“Something you wanna say?” she asks him, cocking her eyebrows as if she’s daring him to speak. 

Drew hesitates for a second before an almost identical expression crosses his face, “what the fuck are you doing Paige?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Paige replies airly. 

Drew narrows his eyes at her, “seriously?”

“Seriously,” Paige shrugs. 

“This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement Paige,” Drew says, ignoring the way his sister flinches at the reminder as he drops his voice lower so they can’t be overheard, “you were supposed to be with Golden State for one season, hopefully win a championship and then you’d be off to New York at the end. That was the plan but clearly all of that has gone flying out the window. You’re getting attached to this city, this life, to them.” 

A barely believable “of course I’m not,” flutters weakly off of Paige’s lip as she blinks rapidly at the accusation. 

“Oh for fucks sake,” Drew curses, “Paige your bed looks like it hasn’t been slept in, in days. There’s almost no groceries in your fridge or your pantry. From what I saw of the garden, it’s basically been left for dead. Your closet is half empty and it sure as shit isn’t because they’re all in the laundry because as Stephie puts it, Azzi says that their laundry basket is three times heavier than it used to be with all your clothes.”

“I-I don’t-” Paige stutters, “that- that doesn’t- doesn’t mean-”

“It’s been two months -if even that- two months Paige and I think you're in even deeper now than you were the last time,” Drew spits the last two words out bitterly like their flames on the tip of his tongue and the sparks of it singe Paige’s skin. 

“That’s not- I’m not-” she tries to justify but it sounds hollow to her own ears. 

“You are,” Drew says exasperatedly, “what are you gonna do when she walks away again? When she lets you go again, what are you gonna do Paige?”

Her little brother isn’t cruel but Paige swears she’s never heard anything more aimed to hurt than these perfectly directed arrows he’s launching straight at her heart. The defense of she’s not going to leave me stays stuck in her throats, battling against the harsh thoughts of she already has that are taunting her. 

“She- I- you- this- I don’t- you can’t-” Paige doesn’t even know what she’s trying to say; she feels like a fish spluttering outside of the water, desperate to breathe air that seems to kill her the more she inhales it. 

Drew looks away, his face crumpling slightly, a mixture of sadness and guilt gleaming in his eyes, and Paige can tell that he hates himself a little for being the one to cause her this torment, the one to make her face the darkest possibility of her reality. 

“I was there Paige,” he says softly, “I was the one who watched you break in ways that I didn’t even think you were breakable,” his voice snaps, “and I was the one who watched how hard you had to work to put yourself back together. I don’t wanna see any of that again.”

“Drew,” Paige whispers. 

“And it wasn’t just her,” Drew continues, “you lost her family too.”

Paige gulps at the reminder, “they were still there. They came to games. They were at my wedding.”

Drew shakes his head, “but it wasn’t the same and you know it. You lost her and you lost them and this time,” he bites his lip, like he wishes the next words weren’t sitting on his vocal chords, waiting to spill out, “this time, if you lose her, you’ll lose a lot more.”

“What do you-” Paige heistates, unsure if she even wants to ask, “what do you mean?”

Her little brother pauses, mouth opening and closing like it’s painful to speak, before his eyes drift towards the stairs and Paige feels her heart sinking even before Drew says the words she knows he’s about to say. 

“You’ll lose her daughter. You’ll lose Stephie.”

“No,” the whispered syllable is out before Paige can even stop it, “no, no, no, no-”

“Paige-”

“Stop it Drew,” the blonde says louder than she wanted to as she clutches at her heart, trying to keep it whole as the tears overflow over her waterline. 

“Stop what Paige? Stop saying things you already know deep down but are choosing to ignore? Is that what you want me to stop doing?” Drew asks harshly. 

“Drew-”

“There’s a reason you didn’t want to commit to the Valkyries and you know it. There’s a reason you only wanted to be here for this season.” her younger brother says firmly. 

“I know,” Paige whispers, “I know.”

Drew’s eyes soften, “stick to plan Paige. Let the Liberty be the end goal. You’ll be in New York by the end of October.”

Paige bites her lip so hard, she can taste that morbid taste of iron on her lips as she opens her mouth to say something. She’s not sure if it’s to argue with Drew or to agree and she doesn’t get a chance to find out. Instead there’s a sharp intake of breath and then a quiet, timid voice laced with accusation and Paige feels the blood drain out of her body as she slowly turns around to find Stephie and Azzi -their faces ashen with identical expressions of betrayal- staring at her. 

“Miss Buecks, you’re moving to New York?”

[arthurs-better-half]

John and Yellow (Mirrors and Monsters)

Reblogs much appreciated 👍

1. Julio Cortázar, Los Reyes // 2. Malevolent - Part 23 // 3. Brené Brown, Daring Greatly // 4. Brutus - The Buttress // 5. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 6. Minotaur Forgiving Knossos - Moonface // 7. Dawning Night by Joseph Feely / Malevolent - Part 1 / Malevolent Part 21 // 8. Joan Tierney, The Elektra Complex // 9. Malevolent - Part 24 // 10. Bad Sun - The Bravery // 11. Minotauro (Minotaur) by Jordi Garriga Mora (2007) // 12. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 13. Margaret Atwood, Corpse Song // 14. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor // 15. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 16. The Calling - The Amazing Devil // 17. @autistic-evil-xisuma (sorry for the tag) // 18. Bad Bad Things - AJJ // 19. Marie Howe, The Affliction // 20. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 21. Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting - The Mechanisms // 22. a conversation about identity - tea // 23. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" // 24. Requiem - Death Note Musical (English concept album) // 25. Richard Silken, The Long and the Short Of It (Annotated)

(Playlist of the songs included (Spotify))

ARIADNE Why do you fear him? He is my brother. MINOS A monster has no siblings.

YELLOW: But it was me. I-In a way. ARTHUR (sighing): John. YELLOW: He was... different than me.

I want to experience your vulnerability but I don't want to be vulnerable Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I'm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.

But why do I lie awake each night thinking "Instead of you, it should be me"? Something wicked this way comes And as I set to face it, I'm unsure Should I embrace it, should I run? What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love?

ARTHUR (sighing, pityingly): Yellow. He never will. You are trapped with him. Forever. JOHN: Trapped?

I was born into this We were all born You were born like a pearl We were all born

YELLOW (in awe): There's a building, with lights on.

ENTITY (surprised): Well. ARTHUR: What? ENTITY: Nothing. I, I just... the city is so alive.

YELLOW: I... appreciate the life I saw. I... am at a loss for words.

ENTITY: I... the city... the life that exists on every street corner. It's... so different than the Dark World I thought I would forever call home.

I tip my head like a dog at the window. The outside world is so interesting, and I am not a part of it; I'm just witnessing.

JOHN: It's nothing, Arthur. I'm just telling you that every time you call him a monster, you're forgetting that I am the same.

I don't know what's wrong with us They just made us this way There's a hole in you and me That pulls us together

JOHN: If killing Larson kills Yellow... ARTHUR: Then you'll be fine! Stronger, maybe. JOHN: Or. I don't know if I can survive with only half a soul.

I exist in two places, here and where you are

Don't go, you're half of me now But I'm hardly stood proud

JOHN: I know you can't promise me. I know you aren't sure. But... Yellow is a piece of me. Can you imagine having to destroy a piece of yourself? Even if it's a reflection of yourself you may not like!

I look into the waters and see a face I don't recognise Who's this (Who are you)

people always talk about evil clones like oooh a dark mirror oohh what if you saw what a cruel person you were/are capable of becoming. and well yes but what if you were the evil clone. what if you looked in the mirror and what you saw was so bright it blinded you. what if you had to know exactly how good you could have been.

So I looked into your eyes And I saw a reflection Of a coward that you and I both hate very much

And he: (and this was almost unbearable) he saw me see him, and I saw him see me.

ARTHUR (quietly): But we all have to face our demons. Even if they're ourselves.

[Verse 2: THOR, LOKI, & Together] Where are you going? For vengeance For love

You're losing in a staring contest With whatever's in your mirror You are me and I am you But we're not one and I'm inferior

YELLOW: I... I... (Quieter.) Why you, John? What did you have to offer? Why does he care about... you?

Gone, who was right or wrong Who was weak or strong Nothing left to learn

The question for this issue was Do you have a human soul and can you prove it? And, of course, there was no definitive answer.

[Tumblr has deleted progress on this like three times now so I'm posting it now while it's done before it can fuck it up again!!! And thank you @ghostnotoast for being so lovely here is the weave]

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 802: Leadership!!

Pag 1

1: The back you show is “life-sized”!! That's why people follow it

Pag 2

1: At the end of the mountain line, the course goes along the mountain ridge gently, then keeps going for a short while with ups and downs

2: It passes through a narrow tunnel

3: it reaches a three-way intersection at the “Notoge Pass”, at 700m of altitude

4: The course turns to the right and enters a serious downhill, with zigzags

Here, it enters the Oita Prefecture

Pag 5

1: Ngh...

Closing the gap on the downhill, he said....!!

Huh!?

2: Can we really do something like that!?

3: Are you stupid, Iwatani-kun?

Do you really believe Sugimoto-san!?

4: Hyaaaa

5: Kobayashi-san

This speed is scary

6: Waaaa

Pag 6

1: What!?

The guys from the selected team passed us while shrieking!!

On the downhill!?

2: “Selected team”....

3: The selected teams is the one they make every year with the guys from prominent schools who couldn't enter the race...

That's right. A ragtag team made up of cyclists with potential

4: It's an impromptu team. It's like a commemorative race

I have the idea that they end up retiring, getting cut off, or finish alone at the very end

5: But they're all in order!?

6: Maybe they have someone, senpai

Among them....

They have someone with strong leadership skills...

Pag 7

1: who could bring together such a scattered team!!

2: Sugimoto-san!!

We're going so fast it's scary!!

Pag 8

2: Fast is scary?

3: Well,...

4: This is just the right speed...

5: to catch up with the lead ahead of us!!

Pag 9

1: I told you earlier too, the lead is running on the downhill “without taking risks”

We'll do better than them. If we don't descend at a high speed, we won't make it

3: But, running while being afraid also means we're taking risks

I'll teach you, now

4: Huh!?

5: The way to ride downhill without being afraid!!

7: Is-is something like that possible?

Scary thing are just scary, aren't they?

Pag 10

1: I understand the feeling of wanting to raise your upper body and your face, but while you're on a downhill

2: Your body

3: lower it!!

4: Ugh... for the air resistance, right

Rationally, I know that, but I end up raising my face out of fear

5: The scary thing about downhills isn't the “speed”

6: Huh!?

7: I think you did it on your usual practices, too

When there are no cars or anything, going down on a wide downhill at 60km/h isn't scary

8: Ah

9: The scary things about downhills

Pag 11

1: is the fear that “we might not be able to control our bike”

2: It's like Iwatani-kun said: we also have to lower our body to resist the wind

He called my name

But, at the same time, “lowering your body”

4: also means “lowering your center of gravity”

Place of your center of gravity when your body is lowered: around 1m

Place of your center of gravity when your body is raised: around 1.5m

Pag 12

1: Center of gravity!!

2: The weight balance of a bike is 60~70kg for the person on top, while the bike is 7~8kg!! So the bike is much lighter

3: So you're saying that the weight balance of a bike changes with your own body?

4: That's right. It's the same theory of why a racing car with its low center of gravity can move faster than a truck!!

5: If you lower your center of gravity it becomes easier to move your bike as you imagine!!

6: And the control greatly increases!!

Pag 13

1: And that control is critical!! Like right now... on the downhill's zigzags, when you keep pulling the brakes over and over and accelerating in the curves

2: He's so fast!

Sugimoto-san took the curve like he was slipping!!

Pag 14

1: And once your body learns to run the the line you imagined, then your fears will naturally be erased!! Naturally!!

3: Yessir!!

Hyee!!

Our fears

4: will naturally be erased!!

Pag 15

2: I'm.... I'm taking this curve stability!!

3: It feels like I can take the curve without pulling the brakes too much!!

Pag 16

2: I can go downhill fast like this!!

3: Hyeee!!

4: It's true... if I keep my head low it's not scary anymore

5: Amazing...

Pag 17

1: You really are amazing!! Sugimoto-san!!

3: Well... I was able to realize this....

4: because I fought seriously against Danchiku for many days during the training camp!!

5: Thank you!! Danchiku!!

6: Woah, the selected team passed us!?

Huh!?

Why are they so coordinated!?

But this situation...

Pag 18

1: It's just too hard. Too hard

2: I said our goal for the first day was to be among the first ten, but to do that there are still a lot of hurdles

3: Let's switch, Sugimoto-san!!

I've gotten the hang of it!!

4: Iwatani!!

5: I'll take a turn too!!

Kobayashi-kun!?

6: But still

I'm still pulling though!

I said leave it to me!!

7: Just pull without arguing

Yessir

Yessir

I think it's not impossible

8: They say the selected team is a ragtag team

But it's also a team...

Pag 19

1: that gathere people with potential from each school!!

Hyeee

Kobayashu-saan

Come on, I said leave it to me

Ah, he moved in the front again

2: Let's go!! Let's put our strengths together!!

Pag 20

4: Slow down!!

The car for technical troubles!!

We have to brake!!

5: The support car goes to cyclists who have technical troubles

6: Technical troubles are a matter of luck

It's unfortunate... he fell back in the ranks

7: That jersey!?

8: Huh!?

He's....

Pag 21

1: The Kyofushi's.... second year!!

Kishigami Komari!!

2: Mi.... Midosuji's second in command!! The ace assistant!!

3: Huh?

It's Sohoku's... small fry meat

[waitingandwishing]

Incorrect HXH quotes with y/n

1. Gon: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Killua: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years! y/n: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this! Leorio: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Kurapika: My moral code, is that you? Gon: ... Gon: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my dad left me but do you guys need a hug?

2. Kurapika: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do? y/n: Have everyone stand. Gon: Bring three more chairs! Leorio: The most important ones can sit down. Killua: Kill three.

3. Gon: What does 'take out' mean? Killua: Food. y/n: Dating Kurapika: Murder Leorio: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

4. Gon: Where's Killua, y/n, and Leorio? Kurapika: They're playing hide and seek. Gon: Where? Kurapika: I don't think you get how this game works.

5. Gon: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? y/n: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Gon: Three of us saw it, y/n. How do you explain that? y/n: *points at Kurapika* Sleep deprivation. *points at Leorio* Paranoia. *points at Killua* Delusional personality disorder.

6. killua, talking about y/n: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

7. y/n: Are you ready to commit? killua: Like, a suicide attempt *flashback to the train* or a relationship?

8. y/n: I’ve been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. gon: Wow. They sound stupid. y/n: But he's not. He's really smart actually. Just dense. gon: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” y/n: I guess you’re right. Hey gon, I love you. gon: See! Just say that! y/n: Holy fucking shit. gon: If that flies over their head then, sorry y/n, but they're too dumb for you. y/n: gon.

9. y/n: My hands are cold. kurapika: Here, let me hold them. y/n: My lips are cold too. kurapika: *covers y/n's mouth with his hand*

10. y/n, trying to flirt with kurapika: I think both of our families suck.

11. Killua: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars. y/n: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

12. Store Worker: Would a Mr. Killua please come to the front desk? Killua, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker: points to y/n and Gon Store Worker: I believe they belong to you? y/n and Gon, simultaneously: We got lost :( Killua: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

13. y/n: Killua and I don’t use pet names. Gon: I see. Hey, what do bees make? y/n: Honey? Killua: Yes? Killua: Gon: Don't ever lie to my face again.

[thewinter-eden]

psycho | han jisung

Pairings: Han x OC, Minho x OC

Summary: Anna finds herself trapped in the captivity of a psychopath with numerous other prisoners. The other girls who have been there for a while have been starved and abused, and Anna is obviously headed for the same fate.

Han Jisung, one of the prisoners, a sweet and handsome boy, serves as caretaker for the girls after sessions of abuse. As he and Anna grow closer, struggling to find their way home, the truth about her captor and his plans unfold in the worst ways possible.

cross posted on AO3 under the_winter_eden and Wattpad under alone-at-last.

Genre: horror, thriller

Rating: mature, explicit

Status: complete (20 chapters)

Content warnings: explicit descriptions of violence/torture, mentions of sa, mentions of rape, hurt/comfort, heavy angst, lots of sadness, death, murder, mentions of suicide, starvation, fear, insecurities, hopelessness.

PLEASE READ INFO BELOW

Chapters

1 : hannie 2 : blood soaked cloth 3 : virtues and vices 4 : missing persons 5 : the first one 6 : the knife 7 : the new girl 8 : stay with me 9 : punished 10 : moments in the dark 11 : the pink door 12 : he already knew 13 : the society 14 : I already did 15 : i've got you 16 : here's looking at you 17 : master of levity 18 : never again 19 : all over soon (wednesday 01/29) 20 : nothing you can do (friday 01/31)

THE END

note :

I suck at summaries - they're my kryptonite.

characters :

disclaimer : age manipulation and ambiguity for sake of story.

[the man I'm a little bit afraid of] Bang Chan

??yo, captain of police

[the man I would work out with but never spot on bench press] Seo Changbin

??yo, police lieutenant

[this freaking muse of a man] Hwang Hyunjin

??yo, shop owner

[the other man I'm slightly afraid of] Kim Seungmin

22yo, police officer

[the guy who tricked me into SKZ cult] Lee Felix

??yo, shop owner

[this mini mafioso of a man] Yang Jeongin

??yo, prisoner of Cain (Han's little brother)

[the man who literally haunts my dreams] Han Jisung

22yo, prisoner of Cain

[the man who hurts my feelings regularly] Lee Minho

24yo, police officer

[fill in your own mental image, guys, idk] Anna Park

18yo, prisoner of Cain

[fill in a second mental image ig] Cass Young

20yo, prisoner of Cain

a/n :

don't come for me. I know this is dark but I had to motivate myself to write this story as a backstory for one of my other projects, so I had to transpose SKZ over it or I would never get it done. In ten years, if any of you see this plot in a sucky indie book on a random Goodwill bookshelf, no you didn't.

a/n 2 :

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Or something like that.

so...I don't actually know SKZ? [If I personally knew Han and Lee Know well enough to accurately represent them in a story like this I would—] so, yeah, anyways those guys are real people who do great things in the entertainment industry and the characters named after them in this story are fake people. Hope that clears things up.

tag list: (Comment a request to be added or removed)

@kayleefriedchicken @eastjonowhere @mysterysold

[tessenpai]

Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 138 Scans and Rough TL

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT use this translation to make your own TL of the chapter!! The KOT TL group works very hard to give you the most accurate translation, that does as much justice to the original script as possible. This is a ROUGH translation. That means is faulty and there must be mistakes in certain places. This is just for impatient people like myself to get a grasp on what is going on in the chapter! You can REFERENCE my TL if you want to discuss the chapter but never USE it as it was your own.

Scans: kono oto tomare 138 raw scans

Page 1

Takezou[thoughts]: Back then, I couldn't have even imagined...

Side text: We experienced and overcame so many things together...

Page 2 & 3

*No text*

Page 4

*No text*

Page 5

Takezou [thoughts]: That this day would come.

Chapter title: #138 Tokise High School Koto Club

Page 6

Audience 1: Hey, it's the school of the incident.

Audience 2: It's finally here.

Uzuki: ...

Tsukaji[thoughts]: They're completely in enemy turf here. I already knew that but...

Page 7

Tsukaji[thoughts]: Somehow, through their performance they'll-

Audience 3: Hey, I even saw a bit of their performance on TV, but it wasn't all that impressive.

Audience 4: Totally.

Tsukaji: ...

Komaki: Ugh, everyone's just saying whatever they want! I hope they shut them up with their performance--

Tsukaji[thoughts]: To be honest, if it were Satowa's introductory solo like in 'Tenkyuu', it would surely have silenced the audience instantly with just the first note, but...

Tsukaji[thoughts]: 'Harmony' starts with Kurata's solo.

Tsukaji [thoughts]: When I heard it before it lacked confidence

Tsukaji [thoughts]: To put it harshly, it didn't come even close to Tenkyuu's opening.

Page 8

Tsukaji [thoughts]: Ahhhh I shouldn't be thinking like this! I don't want to think about it but...

Tsukaji [thoughts]: Ichiei and Meiryou made no compromises when assigning their parts...!

Tsukaji [thoughts]: I understand they wanted to be considerate with Kurata, with him being a 3rd year student and the club president!

Tsukaji [thoughts]: But that kind of kindness...

Tsukaji [thoughts]: At Nationals, it could be your downfall.

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: With this atmosphere, they probably won't be able to perform properly. Placing at the top is already unlikely. I just hope it ends without any major issues...

Page 9

Announcer: Program Number 13

Announcer: Kanagawa Prefecture. Tokise High School.

Announcer: Composed by Takinami Suzuka: Harmony.

Page 10

Announcer: In April of last year, Tokise High School's koto club was in the verge of disbandment, with only one member left in it.

Annoucer: Since then, one unique member after other gathered.

Announcer: Today, there are 9 members and 2 teachers.

Announcer: Altogether, it has now become a club of 11 integrants.

Page 11

Announcer: Each one of them is an irreplaceable and important presence.

Announcer: The song we will play today, Harmony

Announcer: Was composed for us from scratch by our club advisor Takinami-sensei.

Page 12

Announcer: This sound is our everything.

Announcer: Please, let it reach them.

Page 13

Takezou [thoughts]: I was always scared of that very first note that was entrusted to me. Scared of a future where someone might not be there anymore.

Page 14 & 15

*No text*

Page 16 & 17

*No text*

Page 18 & 19

*All the flashbacks*

Page 20 & 21

*No text*

Page 22 & 23

*No text*

Page 24

Tsukaji [thoughts]: --It wasn't out of consideration. It wasn't a kindness.

Tsukaji[thoughts]: This is

Tsukaji [thoughts]: Sincere, straightforward and earnest to the very end.

Page 25

Tsukaji [thoughts]: That is the sound of Tokise.

Judge Tatsumi: Oh man… if you add too many sounds like this one then-

Page 26

*No text*

Page 27

Chika [memory]: I wanna join the koto club.

Page 28 & 29

*No text*

Page 30 & 31

*No text*

Page 32 & 33

*No text*

Page 34 & 35

*No text*

Page 36 & 37

*No text*

Page 38

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: Wait...

Judge Tatsumi[thoughts]: Wait a second.

Judge Tatsumi[thoughts]: This is--

Page 39

Tsukaji: The second solo...!

Page 40

*No text*

Page 41

*No text*

Page 42 & 43

*No text*

Page 44

Tsukaji[thoughts]: Don't cry yet!! It's still too soon!!

Tsukaji[thoughts]: We got the 1st years left!!

Tsukaji[thoughts]: Only the upperclassmen have played together up to this point, you don't want to add any unnecessary sounds to-

Page 45

*No text*

Page 46

*No text*

Page 47

*No text*

Page 48

Ousuke [thoughts]: He's tapping out the bass rythm...!?

Haru [thoughts]: So- so- so cooool----!!!!

Sentarou [thougthts]: His rythm sense is insane!!!

Page 49

Tougo [thoughts]: He's playing Yamada style, same as Kio.

Kio [thoughts]: But the strength of the sound is a bit overpowering-

Page 50 & 51

*No text*

Page 52 & 53

*No text*

Page 54 & 55

*No text*

Page 56

*No text*

Page 57

Judge Tatsumi: ----... What... is this?

Judge Kurokawa: How...

Judge Agata: Why...

Page 58

Judges [thoughts]: ...Is the level of every single member this high.!?

Page 59

*No text*

Page 60

Kifune-sensei: ...

Audience 2: Hey, I... have no idea about the koto but...

Audience 2: --Could it be that

Page 61

Audience: Tokise is... Amazing?

Side text: This is Tokise's sound!

---Kono Oto Tomare! will continue in the next issue!---

[arrow-translates]

Jan 10th 2025 Paradox Tribe TRANSLATION [Chungsung & Shion]

Chungsung - 17:03 Everyone, I do hope you are doing well. I am Baek Chungsung of AMPRULE. I’m here today to speak with a member of the Winter Variety team.

Shion - 17:04 Yup, it’s me today, lol

Shion - 17:05 Everyone good? Did you watch the video already?

Chungsung - 17:05 My, Kaida-sama. What an honour to meet you. Thank you kindly for your time today.

Shion - 17:06 Mhm, nice to meet you too.

Chungsung - 17:07 Thank you very much for the recording session the other day.

Shion - 17:07 Aah, my bad. I’m not great at this kind of formal conversation. Is it cool if I just speak casually like this?

Chungsung - 17:09 Of course. Please do as you like, Kaida-sama.

Shion - 17:09 Tysm

Shion - 17:11 By the way, is it alright if I ask you something?

Chungsung - 17:11 Go right ahead.

Shion - 17:12 Are you perhaps that kind of person as well? I feel like we have the same aura, lol

Chungsung - 17:13 Now then, what is it that are you implying?

Shion - 17:14 It’s just, when our Shibaken was cussing you out, you seemed to be rather enjoying it, lol

Chungsung - 17:16 Ah, so that it what you meant

Chungsung - 17:17 I’ll leave that up to your imagination

Shion - 17:18 Well of course, lol  Does everyone already know about this side of you?

Shion - 17:40 I feel like it’s pretty much expected, just from what I’d heard, lol

Chungsung - 17:42  I’m quite unsure how to respond. If I were to add one thing, I would say that my interests are a little different to yours, Kaida-sama. I am more interested in the arts of pain and injury.

Shion - 17:43 I see.. but isn’t that okay? I’ve done that kind of thing before too. Done it to them as well.

Chungsung - 17:44 Is that so? What kind of things do you have in mind?

Shion - 17:45 It’s really nothing special lol I only really care that I’m enjoying myself lol

Chungsung - 17:46 I see… What is it you usually do, then? I imagine it’s rather hard to go out in your current situation…

Shion - 17:46 I like hookah, guitar… I sometimes play darts. Well, anything that I’m allowed to do in the prefab, really.

Shion - 17:47 The day Inukai finds out about my activities outside, it’ll be a real hassle

Chungsung - 17:48 So I can imagine.

Chungsung - 17:49 About Inukai-sama… I sense that he’s a little like us as well, but what do you think?

Shion - 17:49 He’s not like us, no, lol But if you make him flip out he’s totally uncontrollable

Chungsung - 17:50 Oh? How come?

Shion - 17:51  I guess it’s like he’ll destroy anything he can get his hands on?

Chungsung - 17:51 I could never imagine this kind of behaviour from Inukai-sama, whom I have had the honour of meeting, but…

Shion - 17:52 You’ve seen the guy up on stage before, right? It’s that guy.

Chungsung - 17:53 My, my… That intrigues me greatly.

Chungsung -  17:55  Kaida-sama. It appears our time is up, so if you could please say your goodbyes to all of the Heads.

Shion - 17:55 That time already? Well, everyone, look forward to our new song. I may be in the Winter team, but I’ll keep you nice and warm with my verse, lol

Chungsung - 17:57  Thank you very much. It was an honour to talk to you today. Sometime in the future I would be glad to talk with you again at our leisure. 

Shion - 17:57 You caught my eye every since we played that game, so let’s talk again. See you thenn

Shion - 17:58 I’ll see you all again very soon too, so be good for me while you wait, lol

(T/N: They're both being very vague for this entire convo for reasons I feel you'll be able to guess. I've put all the purposeful obscurity in italics so you get the feel the sheer amount of innuendo they're throwing at eachother, lol)

[radio-ronpa]

Disney I want songs for each V3 character, go!

I got this a few days ago and I've been ruminating on it. I think I've finally settled on them? Plus notes on why I picked that song.

Here's the rules: Has to be from an official Disney Animated Classic (no Pixar, live action, or straight to vid sequels). Must occur within the run time of animation (no songs that only appear in the credits, ala True to Your Heart from Mulan). Only one song can be used from a particular film.

Let's fucking goooooo.

1. Angie Yonaga - Give a Little Whistle (Pinocchio)

Have you ever seen Jiminy Cricket and Atua in the same place? Think about it.

2. Gonta Gokuhara - The Bare Necessities (The Jungle Book)

Optimistic, joyous, and appreciative of all of life's moments, even if they are very small.

3. Himiko Yumeno - The Next Right Thing (Frozen 2)

If there was a DRV3 stage musical, this would be the number she does at the end of Trial 3. It's literally perfect.

4. Kaede Akamatsu - Good Company (Oliver and Company)

The scene with this song in the movie is literally a piano lesson, and it's about being friends and having faith in that. How could I not?

5. Kaito Momota - Go the Distance (Hercules)

Oh, I want to be a hero because I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I want to be strong enough to give my friends good hugs? Herc and Kaito are both beautiful himbos.

6. Kiibo - Strangers Like Me (Tarzan)

I mean, Keebs is real Pinocchio sometimes, but I started crying imagining him to this song. He's so earnest and I love that for him.

7. Kirumi Tojo - Very Good Advice (Alice in Wonderland)

Classic, underappreciated, and sad as fuck.

8. Kokichi Ouma - The World's Greatest Criminal Mind (The Great Mouse Detective)

Look, this song is just fun and chaotic and delighted by its own mischief. There's so many ways you can go with Kokichi, but I had to pick this one for sheer giggles.

9. Korekiyo Shinguji - Never Smile at a Crocodile (Peter Pan)

JUST READ THE FUCKING LYRICS.

10. Maki Harukawa - Reflection (Mulan)

It's cliche. It's also true.

11. Miu Iruma - The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers (The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh)

Kind of unhinged and still somehow endearing. Miu Iruma is bounchy flouncy fun fun fun fun fun.

12. Rantaro Amami - Thomas O'Malley Cat (The Aristocats)

The fucking swagger. The worldliness. The feet that can't stop moving. (Of course Rantaro is my favorite character. I adored that cat.)

13. Ryoma Hoshi - Not in Nottingham (Robin Hood)

For the love of god, somebody hug that man.

14. Shuichi Saihara - This Wish (Wish)

If The Next Right Thing is Trial 3 of the DRV3 Disney musical, This Wish is the end of Trial 6. This is Shuichi standing up and telling the villain that they're not going to give in to despair, honoring Kaede's wish with his own. Plus, it's a princess song. I gotta give the main protag the princess song.

15. Tenko Chabashira - Surface Pressure (Encanto)

Tenko doesn't have a complex about being strong and defending people, what gave you that idea?

16. Tsumugi Shirogane - Mad Madam Mim (The Sword in the Stone)

Using your powers of shapeshifting to delight in causing despair and gloom? Can't relate.

This was a wild three hours of research and spreadsheets, and it was delightful fun to do.

Thanks, anon.

[sweet-s0rr0w]

day 31 of @hprecfest - most recent fic you loved

First Watch of Night by @tackytigerfic - E, 274k, 2024 (completed, posting as a WIP every two days, on chapter 14/21)

Harry Potter defeated Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts on May 2nd, 1998.

But what if he didn't?

Excerpt:

“Every single time your magic sparks off Potter’s, you could be eroding the edges of the world,” Draco said. “Though I suppose there’d be no Voldemort if the very fabric of our universe is destroyed. Excellent approach to victory from Team Reckless.”

Harry hadn’t hit anyone in years, probably not since fighting with Draco himself, in school, but he wanted to so badly that he could feel the hopeful tingle of it through his palm, out into the fingertips and collecting in his balled fist.

Interrogate the feeling, Bill would say if he were here. Let yourself feel what you need to feel. Harry suspected “let yourself embrace the violent desire to punch Draco Malfoy right in his smug mouth” was not quite what Bill meant when he had gone through those mindfulness exercises with the troops last month.

“Do you know what it’s like?” Harry said, pressing his hands flat against his own thighs, bearing down into the shifting muscle, grounding himself. It felt strange to be so close to Draco’s restless body. “Being me, I mean. Do you know what it’s like?”

“I don’t even know how to answer that,” Draco said. His colour was high in the spill of moonlight, throat swallowing convulsively. “Of course I don’t.”

“Just imagine,” Harry said quietly. From next door came the low sound of laughter. Malfoy had made it to bed, then. “Imagine being in pain all the time, constant low-level pain from all the Occlumency. And all the fighting. Years of it, Draco, years and years.” Under his palms his thighs felt tense. “I’m so tired.”

Without letting himself think about what he was doing, he shifted sideways on the bed and flopped down to lying, stretching his legs, letting himself sink into the mattress. Draco’s pillow was cool and firm under his hot cheek, and he closed his eyes. After a moment he felt the bed shift as Draco wriggled back down so he was lying too. The pillow under Harry’s head dipped with the added weight of Draco’s head, and he kept his eyes closed.

How do I even start with this fic, which I'd been hearing about for two years and looking forward to for longer, and which I FINALLY got to read (and even better, to beta!) this summer?? First Watch of Night is epic in length and even more so in scope; the worldbuilding is incredible, the characters are all fully-formed - flawed, but so very loveable, and at the heart of it all is a Tacky trademark love story, so deeply-felt that it'll stay with you long after you finish the fic. Plus... Multiverse! Angst! Pining! Draco and Harry getting to know their counterparts from another (maybe familiar...?) universe! Ex-friends to enemies to maybe-friends to lovers! Sharing a room! Spy Draco! Fencing! Rosie, Harry's gorgeous goddaughter! Multiple POVs! Action scenes! Sex! Wolfstar sex! (Brief) Romione sex! Other-Drarry sex! Look, this might not be the most polished rec of all time, but if you've read any of Tacky's fics before you'll know what they're about. And you'll probably already understand why I'm raving about this fic. So go, get started now, and you might just catch up with posting in time for the epilogue! (assuming you read faster than i do)

If you read it, and especially if you love it, please do let me know! And as always, please do take the time to leave the author a kudos/comment <3

day 1 - first fic you remember reading

day 2 - a fic rated G

day 3 - a fic not on ao3

day 4 - a comfort fic

day 5 - a romantic fic

day 6 - a fic for a ship you don’t normally read

day 7 - the best of your OTP

day 8 - a fic that was recced to you

day 9 - a WIP

day 10 - a fest/event fic

day 11 - an underrated fic

day 12 - a fic from your favourite author

day 13 - a rare pair

day 14 - a fic rated T

day 15 - a fic over 50k

day 16 - a podfic

day 17 - a fic that makes you cry

day 18 - a fic that makes you laugh

day 19 - fanart

day 20 - a fic with fanart

day 21 - a fic rated M

day 22 - a series

day 23 - a crossover or AU fic

day 24 - holiday (vacation)

day 25 - holiday (national holiday)

day 26 - a fic under 5k

day 27 - a smokin' hot fic

day 28 - a fic over 100k

day 29 - a fic rated E

day 30 the fic on tbr list i'm sorry i skipped there are just too many and it actually only sparks guilt

[ragnarockz]

Gonna answer the other ask numbers that were not sent to me!

4. Dom, sub, or switch?

Both Agnes and Vidal are switches. I feel like that's only right. There's so much to explore with their power dynamics that it would be a shame to have one ONLY a dom and the other ONLY a sub. LET THEM EXPLORE! LET THEM PLAY!

5. Do they kiss with tongue?

I feel like Vidal does more than Agnes 👀 And I think it stems from Agnes not wanting to 'scare away' Vidal or make it seem like she's being this aggressive partner (but Vidal loooooves it when Agnes initiates kisses with tongue; doesn't happen often but it becomes more and more frequent)

6. What was their first time having sex like?

Vidal getting under Agnes' skin and Agnes realizing she's both super turned on and annoyed by Vidal so...I mean hey, might as well fuck it out 🤷🏻‍♀️ But it was super intimate and of course, it felt like that had done it all before (I think a lot of muscle memory comes back to Agnes being under the spell; little bits of Agatha poke through and remind Agnes of what she likes/dislikes/what Vidal/Rio likes/dislikes). There's some surprises or lapses in that deep seated memory but for the most part, very hot, very physical. Not as rough but bordering it; trying to see where they can push boundaries with each other

7. Who was their first kiss with?

I mean, it would have been Agatha and Rio waaaaaaay back ago so, each other 🥺

9. How often do they masturbate?

Agnes: Every fucking day, it not multiple times a day. She will literally just take off to go touch herself. I feel like she's very in tune with her body and listens to it; she doesn't really deny herself much of anything

Vidal: Often but not as often as Agnes. I feel like, she likes having Agnes actually around or in the room; she likes making Agnes watch 😈

11. How do they handle aftercare?

Agnes: The SOFTEST MOST CARING MOTHERFUCKER OUT HERE. Will literally pamper Vidal to death (hehe); her sweetness will kill you! Makes sure Vidal has everything she needs - reminds her to do all the important things (pee/drink water/sleep). And will just cover her in the softest kisses; super soft massages. Words of affirmation.

Vidal: I feel like Agnes craves physical touch after so, Agent Vidal would just wrap her arms around Agnes, holds her, cradles her head and strokes her hair. Agnes likes to lay her head down on Vidal's chest, stomach, lap. HOLD HER; PLEASE!

12. What is their biggest turn off?

Agnes: Being too rigid with the power dynamic - you gotta let her come back and leave on that one. Don't keep a too long or too short of a leash because she needs room to play with being in control and allowing Vidal to take over at the same time

Vidal: Being purposefully ignored/denied/or even like, Agnes not remembering something she said she liked/disliked. She likes to be heard and listened. She likes someone who can pay attention and retain information (but Agnes is a natural at that so, Vidal doesn't have to worry too much)

13. What do they think about when they masturbate?

Each other omg. Are you kidding me? Or even like, certain things they've said to one another while they were flirting/making out/fucking. A lot snaps back from previous experiences between them and they can both relay on that to get them off. I think Agnes likes to imagine words/audio cues more and Vidal likes to imagine visual cues.

15. Are they loud/vocal in bed?

Agnes more than Vidal. Agnes likes the audio cues, even if they're from herself (does she turn herself on with how loud she gets? duh). But Vidal will play into that, too 👀 She knows what Agnes likes to hear and at what pitch and when; it drives Agnes insane

17. What is the worst sex they've ever had?

Are these two even fucking other people? I don't think so; at least not in my hc. 'Worst' is probably like, if they got too drunk and thought it was a good idea to fuck around and before you know it, one of them is rushing to the bathroom to puke. I feel like that would suck but it's not a deal breaker of them never fucking again 😂 That just means the other gets to baby and take care of whoever was sick 🥺

19. Do they enjoy bondage?

Vidal more than Agnes 👀 Agnes sometimes reminds me of a flighty or caged animal; she needs to be let 'loose' and not so much tied down to one spot for too long. But Vidal has no problem with it; she has the patience of a saint and being tied to one place, one position doesn't bother her as much (it also allows a chance for Agnes to be fully in control and that also turns Vidal on)

[misty-memories09]

Even though they're 13 here it's still wrong to catcall someone. Imagine you're 11 and walking to sit and eat in a dining hall and these older kids are catcalling you 🤢🤢🤢

The Weasley twins piss me off so much, from book one too. Yeah, they're funny but they're darn big pricks for picking on everyone for no reason. They only get away with stuff because they're funny but it's only funny when it's not happening to you. Even Harry thinks they go to far, from the top of my head I can think of the time when they stole Percy's headboy badge (for no reason too) turned it to say 'bighead boy' but Harry didn't find it funny and forced himself to laugh.

There's the time they shoved a Slytherin prefect into the vanishing cabinet just because the prefect was doing their duty by taking of points. Yeah, no, even if they didn't know what could've happened to him, it's still fucking awful to shove someone into a cabinet.

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 13

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | AO3

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Eddie wakes up in the morning - or at least, he thinks it's morning, though he guesses he could still be losing track of time, and it might still be the same day. His head lulls automatically to the side, gaze seeking out the hospital bed next to him like it's second nature, and -

Steve's gone.

There's no one there, the bed clean and empty with sheets all tucked and a pillow still in plastic, like no one was ever there in the first place.

Fuck, what if he wasn't there? What if Eddie's doped up brain imagined all of this, giving himself the comfort of a circle of friends that would stay with him in the hospital, that promised they wouldn't leave him and meant it? What if he really is alone now?

His breath is coming in short, desperate gasps, and he recognizes enough to know that he's hyperventilating again - though it feels distant, fuzzy, like it's happening to someone else and he's just observing.

Somewhere through the thick cotton obscuring his ears, he can tell someone is saying his name.

It's Dustin, fuck, he knows that voice, and he knows that means he's not alone, that they're still here with him, but he can't quite seem to get the rest of him on board with that thought, can't make it cut the panic racing through him.

There's a loud squawk by his ear, a hitch-pitched whine of feedback and a rush of static, and that startles him enough to focus in on Dustin urgently asking someone to do what they did before.

"Hey, Eddie, can you hear me?" Steve asks, voice tinny but still there, and Eddie tries not to feel pathetic about how hard he latches onto it. "You're all right, you're safe. You're not alone. We've got you, Eds, everyone's okay. We all made it out, we're all with you."

He keeps up the mantra as Eddie's breathing slowly evens out, as he feels himself settle back into himself. Dustin's sitting next to him, eyes wide and panicked, clutching a walkie-talkie and holding it up close to him as Steve's voice sounds from it.

"I'm-" Eddie starts, then has to swallow a few times around how dry his mouth feels. "I'm here. I'm good. Just - saw your bed empty when I woke up, kind of panicked."

"We've all been there," Steve says. "I got myself discharged a few hours ago - I'm out getting things ready. I'll let Dustin take it from here, okay? See you guys soon."

Eddie hums an affirmative, and Dustin lets go of the walkie, tucks it back into his pocket. There's a moment where Eddie has no idea what the fuck to say, but then Dustin shoots a little smile at him.

"It's okay," he says. "It happens to all of us. We skipped school to be with Will the first time this all happened, and I spent the night at Steve's for a week straight once."

Eddie's eyebrows shoot up. "Your mom let you sleep over at Steve Harrington's place for a week?"

Dustin rolls his eyes. "She loves Steve, it's kind of annoying. I told her he got his concussion defending us from bullies that time, and he needed someone to stay with him and make sure his brain didn't bleed out of his ears in his sleep."

There's a pause, and then the kid's eyes go a little bit earnest, like he's trying to sell him on something. "It was great, though. Steve made breakfast every morning, and he let me get whatever I wanted on my pizza, and he cooked dinner sometimes too, and he's got a huge TV and a ton of movies on tape, and he only complains a little bit if you-"

The door slams open, and Eddie jumps.

"We gotta go," Robin says as she and Lucas crowd into the room. "Did you tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Eddie asks, eyes darting around the room, fully expecting to see clocks or vines or fucking bats. "Is it Vecna, did that fucker recover already?"

"No, Max says he was in pretty bad shape. He's gonna be down for a while," Lucas replies.

"It's the cops and the rest of the town looneys," Robin says, taking up a post by the door while Lucas paces across the room, looking out the window. "We heard on the police radio channel, they found out you're here. We gotta get you out."

"Fuck." Eddie swallows, tangling the fingers of his good hand in the sheets of the hospital bed so tight it makes his knuckles creak. "I'm kind of out of options on safe places to lay low and recuperate here."

"What?" Dustin looks affronted. "No you're not. I told you, you've got us."

"All of us," Robin says, as Dustin comes to stand by her at the door.

He cranes his head down the hall. "Is there a doctor coming to release him?"

"Yeah, Erica yelled at him until he gave in, he's on his way." Lucas glances away from the window to look at Eddie. "We hid El in Mike's basement for days without anyone knowing, you think we can't do the same for you?"

Robin snorts. "It's not going to be Wheeler's shitty basement, Eddie, don't worry."

Eddie stares at them. Part of him is aware of what they're saying, is processing that he needs to get out of the hospital and he's not going to have to do it alone - that even though the world isn't technically ending right now, they're all going to stand by him.

But he feels like he did when they came back from sticking up for him with Carver and the others - overwhelmed, like he hasn't done anything to deserve this, like he doesn't know what to do with such clear, undeniable evidence that they've made him one of this party now.

"Eddie?" Dustin asks, stepping in a little closer. "You okay?"

Eddie snaps himself out of it. "Yeah. Just - fuck, all right, let's do this."

Robin helps him stand up, stays by his side as he steps into a pair of loose scrubs that someone's scrounged up for him - he doesn't ask, and he's assuming the clothes he wore in the Upside Down are trashed - and lets him lean on her shoulder so he's somewhat steady on his feet by the time a harried looking doctor makes it into the room.

"You realize you're not ready to be discharged?" the doctor asks immediately.

"I'm over eighteen," Eddie replies. "You can't keep me here if I want to leave, right?"

The doctor sighs. "You'll be leaving against medical advice."

"But I'm not going to, like, die of blood loss or infection or something if I do?" Eddie presses.

"We can't answer that question with any surety without another few days of observation," the doctor replies, then relents when everyone glares at him. "It's highly unlikely."

"Just tell us what we need to do to keep an eye on him," Robin says.

The doctor goes over the cliff notes - soft foods for a while, showers are okay but no soaking, no lifting things over five pounds, there's a page of stretching exercises for his shoulder and leg, a timeline for recovery, and a prescription for the rest of his antibiotics and a smaller one for some painkillers.

"That's all I can give you since you're leaving against medical advice," the doctor says, which Eddie knows is a load of bullshit, but he's too exhausted and itching to get out of here to call him on it.

They herd him out of the room and to the elevator, standing in a little half circle around him like he's got his own little string of tiny bodyguards, and the thought makes him giggle, just a little bit hysterically.

"You guys look like little lion cubs," he says.

"You think we can't protect you?" Dustin asks, sounding hurt.

Eddie shakes his head. "No, no, I'm feeling very protected right now. Thank you."

The elevator dings, and Eddie takes a deep breath as he steps off - into a controlled chaos. The waiting room is packed, some gurneys set up right out there with nurses tending to what seems like minor cases, and even some people sleeping on the floor. Eddie feels a moment of swooping panic, but no one even looks his way. They shuffle him out of the hospital to where Nancy and Erica are waiting in the Wheeler station wagon.

Eddie gingerly climbs in, and Lucas and Dustin slide into the backseat with Erica.

Robin holds up his prescription. "I'm gonna get this filled. Swing back and grab me after you drop them off?" she asks Nancy.

Nancy hums an affirmative, eyes flicking around to make sure everyone's wearing their seat belts before she takes off.

Eddie thinks about asking where they're going, but his stomach and chest and legs and arm ache, and he's wiped just from the walk out of the hospital and to the car. So he just tips his head back against the seat of the car, closes his eyes, and tries to hold himself still enough that the seatbelt doesn't rub up against his wounded gut.

Eventually, the car stops. He expects more talking, but there's a tense silence in the flurry of activity, until someone pulls open the car door and is unbuckling his seatbelt for him.

"Shit," Dustin says. "Is he out again?"

"M'up," Eddie mumbles, though admittedly, he's not entirely sure he's up for moving.

"Go get Steve," Erica orders imperiously. "Someone needs to drag his sorry ass around again."

Eddie forces his eyes open. "M'up, m'up, I got this."

In the time it takes for him to get oriented well enough to notice that the car is in a garage, and then shuffle around to get his feet pointed in the direction of out, though, Dustin's apparently managed to collect Steve, who emerges from what Eddie assumes is the door to a house, wearing a pair of sweats and a Hawkins swim team sweatshirt.

Eddie waves his hands around, preemptively slapping Steve away before he can even get to him. "No," he tells him, as he comes to a stop just out of slapping range. "I know you've got stitches, too. No heavy lifting."

"We're not going to lift you, Eddie, we're just going to help," Nancy says, coming around to his other side, and -

Hmm.

"Yeah, okay," he agrees, lowering his arms for a moment before changing course, and holding one hand out to each of them.

Nancy takes one hand, and Steve the other, and they both step in closer to help guide him out of the car and to his feet. They promptly sling one of his arms over each of their shoulders, and start shuffling their way into the house. Eddie pretends the sharp hiss and the sting of tears in his eyes are due only to the edge of pain from the movement, and not to the fact that he's feeling overwhelmed again by just how willing all of them seem to be to help him when he needs it.

The house that they shuffle him through is fucking pristine, a laundry room that feels bigger than Eddie's kitchen right off the garage and into a hallway, a closed off double door to the right and then a massive living room. There's an l-shaped sofa all made up with pillows and blankets, and that's where they take him, letting him settle down on it with a sigh of relief.

"Robin's filling his prescriptions," Nancy says to Steve. "I'm going to go get her, we'll be back soon."

She heads out as the herd of children Eddie apparently belongs to now troop into the living room, their voices all clamoring together.

Steve whistles, sharp and clear and making Eddie wince, though it does cut through the noise.

"You two," he says, pointing at the Sinclairs. "With me, we're calling your parents from the kitchen. Dustin, you're after them."

The noise picks up again, and this time Eddie can make out loud protests. Steve puts his fingers to his mouth again, and nope, nope, Eddie does not want that sounding off this close to his ear again.

"Hey!" he roars, and even though it makes his throat hurt, it works to shut them up. "Thank you."

"Parents," Steve repeats. "Or they're going to come looking for you, and maybe no one else will think to look for you guys here, but they will."

Dustin groans, but he doesn't protest again.

"What are we even supposed to tell them?" Lucas grumbles.

Steve shrugs. "What do you usually tell them?"

Dustin considers. "…yeah, okay, the babysitter cover will probably still work."

"Add in the Starcourt special," Lucas says.

Eddie looks between them all. "Is any of that supposed to make sense?"

"I told you, our parents love Steve," Dustin says. "He's been beaten up enough protecting us that they think he's some kind of defender against bullies and natural disasters."

Unwillingly, Eddie remembers the headlines after Starcourt, puts it together with what Robin'd told him and how beat to hell Steve looked when Eddie saw him. It doesn't sit well with Eddie, how casually Dustin talks about Steve getting beat up protecting them, but he also remembers Dustin holding onto Steve like he was a lifeline back in the hospital, so he thinks maybe it's a coping mechanism as much as it's a belief that Steve is invincible.

"We'll just tell them Steve was with us when the earthquake hit, and he kept us safe, then we waited with him at the hospital until he was discharged," Lucas says. "It's not even technically a lie."

Erica snorts, unimpressed. "And how does that explain you three sneaking out of the house when the cops were there and running away?"

"The cops? Oh, fucking great," Steve mutters. "What'd they say to you, are you guys okay?"

Max waves her good hand. "They didn't have anything on us. We weren't under arrest, they didn't tell us not to leave the house. They've got nothing."

"Question," Eddie says, holding up a hand. "How does that fit in with Steve carrying my unconscious ass into the hospital and telling everyone we were attacked?"

"You were attacked by the real killer, obviously," Dustin says, rolling his eyes. "But we're not going to bring that out until things have settled down a little."

Eddie considers if it's worth protesting exactly how flimsy that cover story is, and how much it won't hold up to anything, but - well. If he thinks too much about how deeply screwed he is with this murder stuff, it just makes him panic, and he doesn't really have room for all of that right now considering he's barely able to physically function.

He's pretty sure their parents will be too focused on their kids being safe after the "earthquake" for now, so he lets it go.

Steve seems to agree - or comes to an entirely different conclusion with the same result, fuck if Eddie knows, because he just points at Lucas and Erica again. "Kitchen. Now."

The Sinclairs reluctantly follow him, leaving Max and Dustin alone with Eddie.

"They're probably going to make us come home," Dustin mutters.

Max gives him a disdainful look. "At least you probably have a home to go back to."

"Wait, what?" Eddie asks when Dustin winces.

"The trailer park's a wreck," Max says flatly. "The earthquake or whatever it was hit the worst at the gates."

The gates. One of which was on the ceiling of his living room, right where -

"My uncle," Eddie says, trying not to freak out. "Is he okay, has anyone-"

"He's fine!" Dustin says hurriedly. "He was already out of your guys' place, cause, you know, crime scene. The school's been set up as a temporary housing until they can get everything sorted out, he's there."

Fuck if that doesn't make Eddie feel guilty all over again, but knowing his uncle is at least physically safe calms him down.

Max looks a little abashed, like she'd forgotten that she wasn't the only one in this little group who lives on that side of town anymore, which makes his heart go out to her. It's easy to forget about the things that should divide them, when they're all focused on saving the world and just trying to survive another day. He wonders how she deals with it when they're not all caught up in the Upside Down - wonders if she just hasn't been dealing with it at all, considering he knows she's a new resident of Forest Hills and that she'd been pulling away from the group before this.

She doesn't say anything else, and he doesn't ask.

Steve comes back before it gets too awkward, eyes automatically landing on Max in a way that, for a ridiculous moment, makes Eddie wonder if the guy is actually psychic.

"Mrs. Sinclair is asking for you," Steve says. "Do you want to come talk to her?"

His voice is soft, gentle, and he gives Max time to think it over - Eddie gets the feeling that Steve already has an excuse prepared for the Sinclairs if Max says no.

Max's eyes dart over at Eddie and Dustin for a moment, like she's not sure she wants to say anything in front of them. Then she deflates a little and looks back at Steve.

"My mom call back?" she asks.

"Not yet," Steve replies. "We can try again."

Max's jaw sets, and she shakes her head. "No. I want to talk to Mrs. Sinclair."

She stands, and doesn't push Steve's arm off of her when he grabs her in for a side hug as he guides her back into the kitchen.

Dustin leans back in the recliner he'd claimed, propping his booted foot up on the footrest. "I'm going to see if Mom'll let me stay over here a few days," he declares.

"Good luck with that," Eddie says. "Your mom's love of Steve aside, you've been gone for days. I think she's entitled to a day or two of hovering over you."

Dustin's nose scrunches, like he really wants to protest that but he's pretty sure Eddie's right.

"Fine," he mutters. "But you guys have to agree to walkie me every night. Every night, Eddie. And you have to make sure Steve leaves it on, and charged up, and I'm going to make him promise to check in as soon as he wakes up in the morning."

His heart - his stupid, not nearly cynical enough heart - cracks a little. "I'm okay, Dustin. Steve and I made it out okay."

"This time," Dustin says, and he won't meet Eddie's eyes, his voice thick enough that Eddie suspects he's holding back tears. "But you almost didn't. You almost died, Eddie, if El hadn't been ready for Vecna maybe you would have. And Steve - he's my brother, and I know he thinks he's invincible but one day he's not going to be, and he doesn't know how much I need him, how much I need you both -"

"Hey," Steve says.

Dustin yelps at the same time that Eddie jumps, hissing when that pulls at his stitches.

"Shit, Steve, make some noise next time!" Dustin complains.

"Sorry," Steve says, then reaches out to ruffle Dustin's hair. "I know, Dustin. Eddie and I both know, okay? We need you, too."

Part of Eddie wants to wheel back, to tell Steve that's awfully presumptuous of him, but - the part of him that he doesn't want to acknowledge, the bigger part right now, really fucking likes the way Steve says we, the way it makes Dustin stop looking so broken.

"Go home for a few days, then you can tell your mom that you're worried I'm going to rip my stitches trying to take care of myself and come stay over for a while, okay? We'll do it just like the first time."

Dustin considers that for a moment, then nods. "Okay."

"Good," Steve says. "Because it's your turn. You want me to bring the phone out here?"

"Nah, I can make it." Dustin lets down the recliner and slowly shuffles his way to the kitchen.

Steve shoots Eddie a look, and there's something quiet and intense in his eyes, something that Eddie feels like he can almost get, if he just -

Then Steve's moving, following Dustin back to the kitchen, and it's gone.

Eddie's alone.

This is the first time since he spent that long, shitty night in the woods that he's actually had some space to himself without one of the others in this strange little party right there. Part of him thinks he should enjoy the reprieve, taking in a breath and letting it out without worrying about what anyone else might see. Part of him thinks he should be panicking, like he did every time he thought he might have been left alone in the hospital.

He doesn't know what he actually feels.

There's a faint murmur of voices from the kitchen, low and soothing, and he thinks - he thinks about how if he yelled, any one of them would come running for him. He thinks about how if he heard yelling from them, he'd be launching himself up off this sofa and scrambling for the kitchen, bloody bite wounds or not. He thinks about how he ran, and how he didn't, and how none of them seemed to blame him when he ran from an invisible monster that turned a girl who was nothing but nice to him into a broken doll, and how they yelled at him for almost dying when he didn't run from a mob of demon bats who almost tore him to pieces. He thinks about how not one of them ever called him a coward, thinks about how they dragged him out of hell and slept in his hospital room and whisked him off to safety.

He thinks, maybe, they might just keep him, even if he isn't Steve's soulmate.

Steve comes out of the kitchen, shoots him a little wry smile and says, "Kind of figured none of us really want to be alone right now," and Eddie -

He thinks, fuck, he still really wants to be Steve's soulmate anyway.

Taglist (always happy to add more!): @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @paperbackribs @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186 @nightmareglitter @greekgeek24 @starman-jpg @crazyhatlady86 @imfinereallyy @manda-panda-monium @deleataecount @prideandsensibility @chaoticvictorianspirit @maydillydally @disrespectedgoatman @scarlet-malfoy @i-less-than-three-you @hbyrde36 @hallucinatedjosten @dragonsandgayships @arepaconchocolate @g4ys0n @novelnovella @bisexualdisastersworld @ghostofyourvampiregf @scarletyeager @pettrichore @nerd-and-nervous @hiimlevi @queenie-ofthe-void @cinnamon-mushroomabomination

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Part 14

[liquidorcard]

Hey fam we're gunna inact in some sinful behavior again and get real for a sec here on the shitposting blog so TW: Discussion of substance abuse, mental health issues, SA, etc.

You may have noticed I took a bit of a break from posting for a bit. It wasn't entirely due to Lily's "junkie" rant here, but it was partially responsible.

A lot about Lily high key cheeses my biscuits, I've made that pretty clear. Lily and I have a . . . Strange amount in common in some regards. I'm a trans person myself, I come from a similar, shall we say, "dysfunctional home environment" Lily does. We're even both Canadian, close enough in age I grew up with a lot of the exact same regional-specific media she did. We've had some other life experiences in common.

With that said, Lily's almost like the evil funhouse mirror version of my life. I was sexually assaulted for the first time at basically the exact same age Courtney was. Lily reminds me very much of my first partner, who physically, emotionally and sexually abused me. Unlike Lily, I am from an actual multi-racial family and have had the somewhat unique experiences and gotten the somewhat unique perspective of being a white person partially influenced and organically adopted into more predominantly POC culture. I've had to come to terms with my own white privilege and the ways Western colonialism has influenced me on a level far more personal than it would be for someone from a more monoracial and monocultural family than mine. While also coming to terms with and accepting the ways my family has been judged and discriminated against for being so blended.

There's also just the fact that Lily seems to (I wonder if, on some level, intentionally) act like the alt-right caricature of a progressive leftist in the most performative way imaginable, while also clearly not actually being left-wing at all. My pet theory is that the only thing stopping Lily from going full Blaire White MAGA butt monkey is that her pride can't take it. Being treated like a useful idiot for the right to "prove" they're not bigots while treating her with open hostility in every other regard. So she's as "leftist" as she needs to be to get the 12 year olds she's trying to court on her side because they don't know any better. While being profoundly anti-labor, pro-capitalist. Even though the only reason why the alt-right hyper focus on identity politic bullshit like that is becayse it's a wedge issue that allows them to skirt around talking about actual policy.

There's also just the fact that someone can be so, confidently, shit-eating levels of wrong and stupid about the most asinine things. I actually work professionally in the fields Lily has decided her opinions are worth vomiting out into the ether. Fields people in general are way too comfortable speaking with authority on shit they know absolutely nothing about-- but Lily is for sure a special case.

Point is: I'm very used to Lily making me go into turbo big upsetti spaghetti mode. I've been aware of her for YEARS. I'm over it . . . Until I'm not.

I've alluded to it a few times already: I'm a recovered drug user, though I've struggled with general substance abuse and impulse control issues for longer. Particularly because of untreated mental health issues like C-PTSD, a dissociative disorder, gender dysphoria and ADHD. Particularly because of untreated physical health issues that just a few years ago almost killed me. Issues that caused me significant pain, mental distress, and slowly worsening disability since I was 11 years old. Went totally untreated until they came close to taking my life. It's no coincidence that I started stealing my parent's booze when I was around 12 or 13 years old.

The worst, ugliest, most humiliating aspects of yourself? Addiction will put them front and center. It will cause you to do things, act in ways, find out things about yourself you're never going to be able to unknow. You have to live with for the rest of your life.

You're aware of it-- the whole time. What a fucking creature you've become. How you are hurting the people closest to you. It's not fun. The whole time, you want to stop. But you can't. You don't know why you just can't control yourself, what you're supposed to do. You're afraid of asking for help out of fear of judgement or punishment. Drugs are mostly decriminalized in Canada and still, if someone just took access away from my poison of choice and sent me on my way with no further help--- I would have just walked into traffic.

The worst of my issues happened due to some absolutely insane levels of medical irresponsibility that I won't fully get into because they're too long to explain. But I will tell you that, already aware I had substance abuse issues, I *explicitly warned* the doctor who prescribed me the medication that I didn't feel I could be responsible to be put on anything addictive. She assured me it was not. Spoiler altert: it was addictive. A lot of addicts descent into rock bottom beginning with something they were prescribed.

Drug companies will put in these "anti-abuse" measures into otherwise addictive substances that it takes half a brain cell to circumvent. Just take my word for it.

I overdosed at least once, maybe twice on the drug I was originally prescribed. Alone. By some insane luck I survived both times without getting further medical treatment. But as I built up a tolerance what I was originally prescribed wasn't the *only thing* I ended up abusing in that period of my life. I was going to die if I didn't do something soon, and I knew it.

I was lucky. My sister drove two cities over after a night shift to my rescue and quite literally set me on the road to saving my life. My doctor was compassionate enough to allow me to get off of what I was originally addicted to at my own pace, and correctly identified I needed a medication overhaul to do so. My older brother made sure I wasn't dying of dehydration or starvation during my detox period and made sure to do the daily tasks I didn't have the mental capacity to do at that time aswell. Without them I wouldn't be here today.

NOT EVERY DRUG USER IS AS FORTUNATE AS ME, HOWEVER. And even then, recovery is not a straight line, or as simple as having certain substances kept away. It's a demon you'll be fighting the rest of your life, in many instances. Mine included. Part of getting off the harmful substances I was was getting a prescription to Adderall, as I was partially self-medicating for. Something my doctor still monitors me with to ensure I'm not falling back into bad habits with. Something Lily is CURRENTLY bitching about not being able to get a prescription for-- I wonder why, Lily.

I have now gone through THREE surgeries without painkillers. And in one particularly awful incident, was treated rather cruelly by the medical staff over refusing to take them. To quote, of all things, fucking Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, "if you live with pain long enough, you learn to enjoy the taste." But nothing is like the nightmare of chemical dependence. Pain is immaterial to that kind of hell.

I know Lily is saying this bullshit just to vaguepost about Courtney, but I don't care. Fuck her. Fuck her for daring to judge me, and those like me. That she was that comfortable being this vile about the matter publically should give you a good indication as to how comfortable even other people are to talking down to addicts.

She wouldn't have survived the shit I went through. I dare her to try. She's way too much of a little piss baby to crawl her way out of that kind of suffering.

I know this is a meme page, but I refuse to be ashamed of talking about it. If anyone would like some more information about my experience or has questions as to why Lily's opinion on the matter is dogshit and vile, feel free to dm me or send me an ask. I'll make it clear why Lily is fucking scum for having the balls to say this publically. I'll make her regret it.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 795: The peak of their limits!!

Pag 1

2: Isn't there anything I can do?

3: Listen to him

4: You don't have to say anything back, you can just nod

5: Just listen to his nonsense

6: Like always

8: To... Toudou-san

Pag 2

1: He'll arrive soon

2: In just a few minutes he'll pass on this road right before our eyes

4: There's no need to stay back

5: Right now, he's fighting

6: He's running against his rival for “the last kilometer”....

His muscles are aflame, he's wiping away his sweat, and his body is screaming

Pag 3

1: His limbs are numb because the blood isn't flowing until his extremities

His heart rate is at its limit, his body feels like it's in danger and is trying to stop moving

2: He's fighting against his own body that's trying to stop, and against his rival who's moving forward

It's the “peak of their limits”

3: The peak of... their limits

4: That's the fight he wanted

5: Watch him closely

Call out to him with me and he'll be happy

6: Don't worry

Racers recognize even the quietest voice

And then

Pag 4

1: they can turn them into power!!

Pag 5

1: Sooreeeee

2: 700m left until the mountain line!!

They're lined up!! They're neck and neck!!

So close!

Pag 6

1: 600m left!!

2: The race passes through the intersections with Mt. Hiko's trailhead!!

Goo Hakogaku!!

Don't lose, Chiba!!

They're neck and neck!!

Pag 7

1: Neither of them is stopping!!

Pag 9

2: So much sweat is falling on the road!!

3: They're passing through the last intersection and then will face the final gate

4: They're entering a narrow road!!

Pag 10

1: 500m left!!

2: They're still pedaling!!

Pag 11

1: Since earlier my fingers in my right shoes

2: keep getting cramps

3: The blood isn't reaching their tips

4: It's not, but

6: I'll keep turning my legs!!

7: I'll tighten up my shoes to reduce the pain!!

Pag 12

1: Mountain King tightened his shoe's dial!!

Woah he's serious!!

2: What does it mean!?

Biking shoes have a dial

3: During a long race, cyclists' feet get thinner, so they turn their shoes' dial up to tighten and secure their feet in preparation for the final dash

Wire

Depending on the direction you turn the dial, it tighten or become loose

4: In the scene of European races, it's something cyclists do a lot to prepare for the race before the finish line!!

5: Is Mountain Kind going to attack here!?

But right now it looked like he was trying to avoid the pain in his leg

Pag 13

1: This is bad!!

It's not just my fingers

My arms have lost feeling too when I'm dancing

3: But it's okay, it's just right

My legs are moving

4: And you're next to me!!

We're still fighting!!

Pag 14

1: If my arms won't move then I can just swing my bike from my shoulders!!

Pag 15

1: Manami attacked again!!

Amazing!

He's going!!

2: In the hardest section!!

He's leaving Mountain King behind using his dancing!!

Pag 16

1: He's opening a gap between himself and Sohoku's Mountain King!!

3: Mountain King is in a tough spot!!

4: He instinctively dropped his head!!

Pag 17

1: Try to have fun, Onoda

4: Races are hard

5: When your opponent accelerates in an unexpected moment, when the attack is stronger than you had imagined

6: Remember

Pag 18

1: You can't win a race without going through tough times

2: Teshma-san....

3: “Just before” means that there are many options

Like, will my opponent get exhausted? Could he make a mistake? You'll be thinking like that

4: Surprisingly, victory or defeat depend on these little things

Pag 19

1: Well, that's just my advice though

I actually always end up slowing down at critical moments, and so I lose

2: That's not true at all!! At this year's Inter High it was Teshima-san who won the mountain prize!! Thank you so much for that!!

I get it, I get it

3: Well, you're an earnest person and won two times already, so it's like I'm preaching to the choir

4: But there are times when you're weak

5: I've seen that many times too

9: During a race, when it's “just before”, just remember this

10: When there is both a hard road and an easy road

Pag 20

1: Don't hesitate to take the hard road!!

2: Right now for a moment, I was thinking “why am I going now” and “when it's hard to breathe”!!

Pag 21

2: My chest hurts!!

3: My legs hurt!!

4: But still!!

6: I'll choose what to chase!!

Pag 22

1: Mountain King is accelerating and chasing!!

Aaaaaagh

4: Sangaku!!

5: I'm ready!!