#i hope you like it and have a good year!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[shikisei]

say your goodbyes to this year

[thasorns]

The Heart Killers + tumblr text post (FadelStyle edition)

[stil-lindigo]

the machine.

a comic about being a 'creator' online.

creative notes:

[kedreeva]

Can I have your attention for a minute

It's nothing bad!

I wanted to share a little website with you, one i have used in the past. It's called Future Me.

All it is is a little web based word processor, that you fill in a letter to your future self, fill in your email address, pick a date, and hit send. The site will store the letter, and send it to your designated email on your designated date. It's completely free, though they accept donations if you like the service.

I've used this site for YEARS, it's not at all new, but it has at times been a little bastion of hope and good things for me. Every year on my birthday, I send a letter to myself, and I receive the one I sent the year before. I write about what I've been through that year, what I've accomplished, and what my hopes are for the year to come.

I have cried every single time I've gotten that letter. I know it's from me, but by the time it comes around, I've usually forgotten I sent it. But... every year on my birthday, I receive a letter from Past Me, who cared enough to sit down and have hopes about my future. And it makes me want to pay it forward to Future Me, and dare to hope that she, too, will remember that someone cared a lot about her future, and choose to keep going even further.

Anyway, I am giving you the link now, because there are definitely going to be rough times ahead of us, but I feel like maybe writing ahead to Future You, to the You that has made it past the rough times, might make them ever so slightly easier to endure. Knowing that Future You is waiting at the end of the line to welcome you, holding onto the letters you sent.

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽｀)ﾉ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!

[tizzymcwizzy]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! i have another marichat holiday themed piece for y'all :D (imagine this is stuffed in ur stocking or smth (along with some tiny candy canes))

[quicklings]

I would posit that when—First off, it's fun to laugh and second off, sometimes when someone else laughs, it's very funny and then that makes you laugh. So I think that there might have been much more laughing at each other trying not to laugh. Yeah. Is this you explaining why you were crying laughing? Yeah.

Emily Axford on Dimension 20 (as of December 2024) for @figueroths for the @pscentral holiday gif(t) exchange

[springheatedwine]

(There is no pressure on making this request if you're not comfortable or don't have the time/motivation for it) Can I make a request for a reader who's going through a bad patch with their best friend who's slowly replacing them with someone else, and it's obvious that they'll be having a fallout, so Veritas comforts them and reassure them about it?

[bluesgras]

a VERY happy new year’s eve from you to me :] here’s to doing more

[vaguely-concerned]

'my cousin is all stomach and no heart' is such a funny thing for illario to tell rook if he maybe is picking up on a little bit of a Vibe going on there. the 'LMAO. well good luck with that friend. better hotties than you have tried and failed and dashed themselves against the legendarily unamorous cliffs of my cousin's complete obliviousness and lack of interest to no avail. (optional 'may I suggest a more hah-hem *undoes another few buttons on his shirt that thing is open almost to his navel now it's borderline obscene* available dellamorte for your consideration. I mean if you're like in the market for one anyway' devious undertone as you see fit)' energy is off the charts.

(illario is above all a funny petty bitch and that's why I love him so indescribably. no no lucanis is right we need him around to drop shade like this he is in fact also an essential crow. we all contribute in our own ways)

[dennisboobs]

:) i certainly have no issue dressing in drag :)

^guy who has no issue dressing in drag btw

glenn said that dennis' drag name is victoria von hemen btw

(Source)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt in Memes 6

Let's make it some in-world memes this time :)

[plusultraetc]

I feel like All Might tried to dress up as Santa for an event one year, complete with an 'I AM HERE! TO DELIVER PRESENTS!' and the bad news is he was very obviously not Santa but the good news is every single child present was so excited to see All Might they totally forgot about that other dude

[jinikaris]

FELIX · · ─ ON PUBLICTVDUMBASS: EP 9 ♡