#i hope this makes sense lmaoooo

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[superxstarzz]

When you have the time maybe, could you do a Prince of Life and a Page of Space?

I'm very patient! Also, I love all these combos! They all look amazing! I still struggle with how their poeers would work though, despite being told how they'd basically have both the abilities of the classes that made them.

I appreciate your patience!!! the askbox is. uhm. very long!! so it's taking me a while to get to these,,, anyways!!! yeah, the powers are kinda hard to grasp, especially since we only see like what? 10?? characters use God tier powers?? but!! if it helps, I will try to explain what I believe this combos powers could be under the cut!!!

so!! the Overlord of Eden!! The prince and the page are both active classes (yes I think the page is an active class, if you think differently then good for you!) so the Overlord would actively exploit and destroy their aspect, in this case, Eden. Space is both literal space and creation, and life is both literal life and growth. woohoo! the basics!

Now, what kind of powers would an Overlord of Eden have?? (Assuming we're working with a fully realized Overlord of Eden here). On the prince side, I believe the Overlord would be able to destroy practically anything. They could remove the life from someone, leaving them an empty husk. They could also just destroy their physical self. As for the page side, exploiting space and life can be taken in maaaany different ways, and I honestly don't feel qualified to pinpoint any specific interpretation. Whatever comes to mind with the phrase "Exploiting life/space" is something they can do!

for a little example, I could see them forcing someone's immune system to work against them or changing someone's chemical composition.

I was. I was gonna put more things, but I forgot I'm so sorry :(

[crazysnor1ax]

@possiblycringe @very-very-dizzy @k40su HEHEHEHE OKAY >:3

So! To prevent myself from infodumping too much keep this post somewhat short I can talk about the story goin' on. Know that I'm still working on it, so there's a chance things could change in the future.

Generally it follows the same as canon, but it starts with Azure (Agent 3/Captain 3), Callie and Marie all being werekrakens. All of them were born werekrakens too. Marie started turning around age 5-6, Azure around 9-10, and Callie doesn't start changing until the events of this AU (aka HELLA late).

Things don't really kick off until Azure's gf and roommate, Mist (Agent 8) accidentally finds out about Azure being a werekraken after she fails to make it to the Squid Sisters' place to spend that full moon. Fortunately Azure and Mist are close enough for Azure to still recognize Mist in their kraken state and not feel threatened by her, so things are all good. Mist is then taken to the Squid Sisters' place and educated on all things werekraken, and from there kinda becomes the krakens' caretaker/babysitter every full moon (especially after Callie starts changing, since Cal normally looked after everyone primarily).

Shit really hits the fan when Off the Hook figures out what Callie and Marie are. Marina was semi-forcefully made into a werekraken in the Octarian Army, being told that being turned would only enhance her strength and allow her to better serve the Army. Spoiler alert: it didn't entirely and caused Marina to be under intense stress every time she turned or made herself turn for medical checkups and whatnot to be done on her. In this AU krakens get stressed/scared easily and retaliate when threatened (hence the folktales about them being violent beasts), so you can imagine what happened. Because of her status as a werekraken Marina catches onto the Squid Sisters rescheduling performances and taking full moons off, and wants to reach out to them for help.

Long story short, what ends up happening is Off the Hook getting the Squid Sisters, Azure, and Mist at Pearl's place for a full moon and it goes much better than Marina anticipated (who doesn't understand how skiddish krakens are and only understands her affliction to be a violent "curse" of sorts) and the NSS agrees to educate Marina on herself, help her regulate her kraken, and let her safely and comfortably embrace it. Pearl is especially happy for Marina, who's seen how her kraken is and has always believed werekrakens aren't violent.

Time passes, full moons happen, eventually Callie finally starts transforming. It's a lot for her. Despite waiting for years for her to transform and knowing all she does about herself and werekrakens in general, her strengthened senses and instincts after transforming are extremely stressful for her. Essentially-Callie gets a smaller "plot" about accepting herself and managing her own kraken (which may or may not be even more stronger than a regular kraken as a result of her brainwashing years prior, jury's still out on that).

Time once again passes and another long story short, one particular full moon goes wrong and Shiver and Neo Agent 3 (named Sting) get turned by Marina and Callie, respectively. Now there's more people to keep watch on as they adjust to their new krakens and keeping the secret! Sting especially needs to be kept on close watch, since xey're way too excited about being turned and even let xemself get attacked so xey could be turned. The NSS is fairly certain Shiver can regulate her kraken with enough training, but they're not sure about Sting.

I imagine there's also some other "plot points" about finding a werekraken "cure" and how Callie, Marie, and Azure react to that? But not sure yet. Again, still working on things.

Overall tho, it's mostly just a werewolf AU about being keeping the secret and living life as creatures of sorts :3

[inkykeiji]

clari, clari! have you seen the movie "grease"? if so, what'd you think about it? to tell you the truth, it's my favorite romance film! my mom introduced it to me when i was a little girl and i still love it so much to this day 🥺💖

beloved ran!!! (ㅅ´ ˘ `) I HAVE HEHEHE oh my gosh okay so, similar to you, my best friend’s mom introduced us to it when we were like, so young (maybe a little too young; took us many many many years to finally understand what broke in the car with kenickie and rizzo LMAO) because she was a HUGE fan. she had a really cool collectors edition of the VHS that came with the script and some other fun memorabilia :3

anyway, i love that film so much and it has such a special spot in my heart bcoz we used to watch it every sleepover and just like ??? act it out hahaha (*ﾉωﾉ) i often credit grease as the first piece of art that really got me into that good girl x bad boy dynamic ehehehe <3

[aces-and-angels]

ty to @juudaimes-true-form, @laylaisthename, @aria-ashryver, @thosehallowedhalls for sharing your thoughts on joaquin (+ @oh-so-youre-a-nerd for helping me gain some feedback over on reddit)

i've had time to digest everything and am prepared to share my perspective on things

---

the primary reason why i sought out opinions on joaquin was simple: it'd been some time since i played book 2 of loa and i needed a quick way to regain my grasp on his character

joaquin's character is shrouded in mystery, that much is clear from the submissions i received

there's a lot of space left for one's interpretations to run wild. were joaquin's intentions pure? was he really on mc's side? or did he have his sights on something higher? this ambiguity seems to be a strength for his character- the trait that draws people in (both positively and negatively)

reading through all these analyses of joaquin, i've realized how he and enid (my oc) are really two sides of the same coin. they're both cunning, opportunistic... it leaves me with the dilemma of figuring out how enid (believably) outwits someone who is just as manipulative as she is*

*[for context: my plan for these two involves enid taking advantage of her past (romantic) ties with joaquin to sign clients from mcgraw byrne. this is subject to change, but that's what i have so far] a future exchange between the two: J: You know what's funny? I genuinely thought that I'd be your line. E: Why on earth would you ever think such a thing? J: Because you were mine.

some advice i remember reading somewhere: if your character is strong, put them in a situation where they're weak. if they're usually happy, show them in a state of sadness. explore their vulnerabilities to add texture to their personality

for joaquin, that means giving him a blind spot- something, or someone that brings him out of his perceived untrustworthiness. my fear, however, is that by doing this, i lose what makes joaquin joaquin 😭

what started as a simple ask turned into me trying to uncover joaquin's true motives. have i figured it out? not exactly, but i am closer than i was before. what i know is that there's enough of us out there that wanted more from his character and it's about time someone attempted to lift the veil. i just hope i can do him justice

if you made it to the end, you're rad and i appreciate you. thanks for indulging my ramblings🖤

[ficoandleo]

What shampoo do you guys use?

"We use different ones because we have different hair and scalps. . .I've been using &honey Melty Moist lately, but I'm always trying different stuff to see what's any good and check out what's trending or what could be the next big thing. "I don't have a huge hair care routine though--scalp massage, hot water rinse, shampoo maybe twice a week because my hair's so thick I've gotta do it way too often, rinse, deep condition or maybe throw on a hair mask, rinse cold, dry a little with a towel, blow dry and brush out. Done! I My hair's always got a nice floral scent to it, usually because I top it off with a bit of hair mist once I'm done--but the usual shampoos and conditioners and stuff I use are flower scents."

"I try different products too--my scalp gets dry easily just like the rest of my skin, so I have to find things that work well without aggravating it and without leaving too much residue which means a lot more experimentation than you would think. That also means I don't shampoo my hair very often at all--once a week, sometimes less. I've been trying out Rossano Ferretti's Dolce for a little while now. "My hair care routine is a bit more involved than Kurossa's. I start with a scalp massage too, but I brush it out thoroughly afterwards. Both will help loosen dead skin and product buildup from your scalp to make it wash out more thoroughly. If I have a lot of product buildup or it's gotten especially dirty somehow, I use a pre-wash oil too. I never shower in hot water unless I'm absolutely filthy, only slightly warm or cold--hot water dries out your skin and hair and washes away your natural oils!!--so whether I rinse or shampoo it's the same temperature, but I try and wash my hair in warm water when I condition so I can put on a plastic shower cap and give the moisture time to seep in. If I'm not using a leave-in conditioner then I wash it out with lukewarm water once I've finished with the rest of my shower. Once I'm out of the shower I let my hair air dry as much as possible--I'll do a very light, pat-dry with a towel if it's dripping wet still, but once it's dried a little bit and it's damp I put in some hair oil, put on another cap, do the rest of my skincare routine and get dressed, then style it. It's a bit of a complicated procedure, but I manage to save time since I can do so much of my other daily prep while waiting on it."

"I do not envy you. I would hate to have to spend that much time working on my hair."

[chocobijou]

Twinkling Watermelon is so cute! I kind of expected a Korean drama version of the movie CODA, but it's cute! I love a lil time travel twist

[frankmillerturnonyourlocation]

🔖⛓️💭 for Henry?

HIIII ECHO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! 🩵🩵🩵 Sorry I took so long with this!!! Also I accidentally answered these in reverse order. oops lol.

☆ ask game

warning for: discussions of implied/assumed csa

💭: What scenario do you return to when you think about this selfship? How does it make you feel?

Getting personal as fuck with this first question here, but I invented a faceless, shitty older half-brother oc for Emerson to bounce some backstory off of. He’d be semi-involved with the villain/hero world, mainly someone who’d help Emerson create and repair weapons and gear and be unattainable and unapproachable for them. Someone they’re kind of devoted to, if you whittle them down to their little-kid core, who doesn’t want much to do with them in turn.

Swear to god this wasn’t intentional but it kiiiinda reverse mirrors Ray and Henry in a fun way where Henry, after some kind of Event where Em puts themself wayyyy out there for the sake of their half-brother or does something at his request and gets the shit kicked out of them. And then after the fact, Henry would be like, hey could we please fucking talk about this. Which leaves him WIDE open to Emerson’s reverse pot shot of OH we’re going to talk about unhealthy attachments here? We’re going to talk about endangerment? Like if there is one thing about Emerson it is that they are Always going to take the opportunity to imply but never state explicitly that Henry is a victim of grooming which drives him CRAZY because he’s like hello what this is our mutual friendboss?? my mentorbuddy? my brotherroommate?? the man I've spent the most time with out of anyone since I was thirteen?? and Emerson’s just like. okay well i won't say anything more about it today but did you hear what you just said.

but it’s whatever and silly and flippant until this point, because Emerson is hurting and angry that Henry’s even treading this territory and it just kind of drips from their mouth in a way it hasn’t before. Here let me link the nonsensical writeup I’ll copypaste it verbatim from my notes app just for this ask. …realizing now how much of their reaction is a messy kind of envy, here, also. Yuck!

I just love this Emerson because I can be a real dysfunctional little shit with them and like. Just kind of poke at certain themes and feelings in such a ridiculous way. They're my power fantasy smooth-talking bad guy sona which somehow also means I am also torturing them with an inability to manage any of their emotional issues. Do you ever take a look at an s/i you crafted during a certain year or event and go mmm fuck I’m telling on myself too much with this one? Well not me I never do that.

⛓️: Is your f/o protective or possessive? Why one over the other?

💙❤️💙❤️ yeah. I love him so much. I’d say protective more than possessive— when they first meet, during Henry’s senior year, Em only sticks with him long enough for a couple of dates before they ditch him for the next target (they’ve been hired to reveal the identity of kid danger and captain man. they narrowed it down to a high school and went undercover as a new student. they are. well they didn’t quite get it right but they got close. <3) so he’s kind of carrying a little bit of that minor rejection into the relationship when it truly begins in earnest (after identity shenanigans and villainous activities ensue) PLUS the betrayal of learning that it was totally fake that whole time and the shame of falling for it like some kind of amateur. So even AFTER said shenanigans, he’s still partly steeling himself for Em to up and leave in the middle of the night if he screws up and gives them a reason to. (I am the toxic one here. he is perfect and wonderful) So I think he’s got enough self control to not be outwardly possessive, even if he’s feeling it. Sulky little baby.

Protective, though, that’s kind of his whole thing! Hard to turn the hero part of your brain off, even when it’s looking at a murderer. He’s not like, annoying about it, though— he doesn’t ever (successfully) try to stop Em from doing things. Again— can’t scare them off. Better to tag along, anyway! He’s good at working as half of a pair.

And THEN he's gotta even defend the idea of trusting and engaging with me post-betrayal reveal to his friends, who have just watched me dump and sell him out AND KIDNAP HIM. the fact that the kidnapping was extremely unsuccessful grants me little favor. (I win 'em over, though. Love them too much. And like, the distrust is warranted, and I respect them for that, and I think that helps.)

🔖: If your ideal fanfiction existed about you and your f/o, what would the AO3 tags look like?

THIS WAS SO HARDDDDD I struggle with tagging even WHEN i have a tangible fic already written... but here's what I've got.

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Henry Hart/Emerson, Past Unrequited Henry Hart/Ray Manchester, (which way? up to youuu), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake Dating, Whump, Humor, Implied/Referenced Grooming, Pining, Secret Identity, Sparring, Kidnapping Gone Wrong, Hypothermia, Only One Bed, Heel-Face Turn

^^ something like that. this would be a longfic. covers a lot of ground.

[souenkun]

I am today years old when I learned that some ao3 tags, whether it only gained 3 separate uses or has a ton of people using them, can't be filtered because the volunteers haven't wrangled them yet (made them filterable, or "canonize" the tags, according ao3's support and feedback page)... I'm kinda mind-blown by the whole process and how they still need humans to gather every tags before squeezing them into a single term, ngl :o

[mizugucci]

soooo i may have an autoimmune disease ?

[imnotcameraready]

thinking about roman turns me into a fire breathing dragon frankly

[inkykeiji]

Honestly lets all just pretend the whole tomura thing didnt happen lmao (i am)

uGH i am trying so hard to just,, split him into the tomura that didn’t know and the tenko that does know, and then just kinda disregard the tenko in his entirety. i just want the tomura that was blissfully unaware!!! give me bratty entitled nihilistic tomu!!! >.< i’m still super disappointed with the whole thing ._.

@ hori: i understand what you’re saying and your comments are valuable, but i am choosing to ignore your narrative choice. (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

[isaacathom]

im looking forward to next session of dnd in two weeks for lots of reasons but also because i think telling Euphemia that i had a vision that i killed her boss in a very like, personal and up close manner will go extremely well for me

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

Worst Part/Best Part of Ravi’s MSQ journey so far—GO!

OKAY UHHH. ALL OF IT

Jk LMAO

We're making a sandwich out of this, we gonna start with aspects of MSQ that she likes, put all the MSQ shit she hates in the middle, and then we're gonna end with which sections of MSQ she enjoyed the most! :> Buckle up, friends, and let me spin you a bit of O'ravi's tale! 🥪☕

Best part of MSQ, as in "the aspects she likes the most": getting to meet such a huge variety of people, see all these incredible vistas, making a positive impact on people's lives, the friends she's made along the way, just- the incredible depths of love that she gets to experience. In some ways, it's her ultimate dream come true- she set out to become a minstrel, she wanted to see the heart of humanity, to learn of other cultures, she wanted to just...it's hard to put into words, but she wanted to live life to the fullest. To experience fully, to understand fully, it's sort of like- you know how Y'shtola's dream is to uncover the truths and secrets that lie at the heart of the world? O'ravi's dream is very very similar, except instead of being like, based on knowledge of the star, it's centered around people- their histories, their folklores and languages and songs, the love and loss and hope, the rage and sorrow and despair. O'ravi loves the star, but her truest love has always been people, not unlike Venat. And being the WoL is the only path that allows this dream to be reality.

Worst part of MSQ, as in "the aspects of it she doesn't like": she has a whole ass list and it is LONG. Really long, and it includes watching people die, people using her for their own political ends, having to put up with people she fucking hates, being everyone's Ace In The Hole, people making her play the kingmaker, people acting entitled to her time and energy (this is the biggest reason why she currently dislikes and distrusts Wuk Lamat T^T*), having to kill people literally constantly, the pain that all the fighting leaves her in and the toll it takes on her mind and body (she used to ignore it/not give a shit but she can't do that anymore)... Long story short, there is a Reason(TM) why she's a dark knight ldfkjghdkjgh, and she might be a paladin now but that doesn't mean she's hung up the greatsword. Far from it. (She has hung up Shattered Heart (formerly Zephirin's sword) though, much to Aymeric's relief fdklgjhdkgj. Not sure what sword is her main one now.)

*IT'S NOT REALLY WUK'S FAULT, O'RAVI IS JUST REALLY FUCKED UP AND HAS BEEN BURNT TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE 😭 I believe that she means well and is just overenthusiastic but O'ravi 100% does not, tbh she almost resents Wuk Lamat for sins that she hasn't even committed yet, just on account of the way she, like, approached O'ravi like the fact that she was gonna agree to help her was already a done deal and assumed the answer would be "sure let's go" without really even considering the possibility that she could - and had the right to - say no....

Worst part of MSQ, as in "time that sucked the most": base Endwalker and Stormblood (base + patches). Somehow those ended up being a lot worse and a lot harder than post-Vault Heavensward, because at least in Heavensward she had the support of her friends and the Fortemps, it was a conflict she had very personal stakes in and no one was forcing her to be there (unlike SB), and she had hope that she could save Estinien. Endwalker was just....a different can of worms which I'm putting under a cut in a bit.

Stormblood was bad because she absolutely did NOT want anything to do with that war and she didn't believe for a second that winning it was possible (Nidhogg and the Horde had reasons she could understand and she was still semi-naive and optimistic back then, but the Empire felt incomprehensible and unstoppable and she'd become extremely pessimistic by then). She just wanted to go back home to Ishgard and be left alone to grieve her friends. To sum up her biggest issue with Stormblood: Hien found it odd that she was dead silent most of the time, and he once asked for her thoughts about his plan to flood Doma Castle. Her answer amounted to "I don't have any thoughts because there's no point in thinking, it's not my job- I'm just here to be a good obedient weapon and kill whatever you tell me to. Why would I waste my time having an opinion on something when what I feel/think/need doesn't matter to anyone?"

Yeah it was really fucked up lfdkjgfdghldk. (For the record, I do like Stormblood, this is all just O'ravi's feelings about it, and they're extremely negative because it was the lowest point of her life by a landslide. She was overwhelmed by trauma and grief and it kind of broke her, she was afforded no time to process anything that happened before she was thrown into war as the Alliance's #1 Weapon. Her opinions are not my opinions, please don't come at me FKJGLHDKGJH)

Endwalker fucking sucked because uhh.....well. She held herself personally responsible for the Final Days. The rest of this is going under a cut!

It's kinda hard to get into details but between the time loop and the fact that she personally slew Zodiark, not only does she believe the blood of everyone who became blasphemies is on her hands, she also believes she doomed the Ancients - and Azem, personally - and sacrificed them on the altar to save her own people, her own timeline, her own life. She considers herself the root of all Final Days-related suffering and death both for the Ancients and for modern Etheirys, and the whole time she's practically praying that she'll be killed to end the Final Days. She believes that fate demands it- that all she is MUST die to redress the balance. If everyone else were to flee on the moon, she would be obligated to remain on Etheirys until the bitter end, because she caused this. She burned the world. All of it is her fault, she deserves to die, and there is no ending to this story in which she lives. For her to survive would be an affront to the gods, to fate, to the people she's wronged, to everyone that ever lived. She adamantly refuses to listen to anyone who says otherwise or any evidence to the contrary fgljkdhk.

I know in-game the narrative treats the concept of WoL becoming a blasphemy as kind of a joke because in what world would that ever happen lol, but uhhhh, it does almost happen to O'ravi after what I call her day from hell (the Final Days of Thavnair, where Ahewann dies and Matsya's friends are killed and he and his friends' baby almost turn to blasphemies, etc). She has a breakdown after the meeting with Shirabaht and the dignitaries, and it takes the combined efforts of Ardbert, Estinien, and probably Fray to stop her from turning. The guilt and self-loathing and sheer fucking stress from all that happening just turned into wholesale despair. It only happened that once, though.

The only reason Endwalker DOESN'T rank as being a worse time for her than Stormblood is, ironically, her unshakeable belief that she had to die at the end. Because dying at the end was her best shot at redemption and atonement, and the thought of being able to atone, even if only in part, became the hope she could hold onto. She wasn't sure if she could save Etheirys, but being able to give it her absolute all without the distraction of being worried about her survival was sort of a saving grace sdkjfhlkdjgh. Idk it's weird!!! It's a lot!!! It was a bad weird time!!!

Her other saving grace was whatever the fuck she had going on with Aymeric FKGJHDFLJGHD. That's a post for another day but the tl;dr of it is they had a sort of star-crossed lovers thing going, she threw caution to the wind and decided to kiss him and be open about how much she loved him despite the fact that they'd never get to be together the way they both wanted, they were sort of just making the most of the scraps of time they had because time was running out

Best part of MSQ, as in "time she enjoyed the most": ARR patches and the first round of ShB patches. The ARR patches were her highest point for a long time, she had everything she wanted, all the adventure and purpose and thrills she could ever want. It was also before grief shattered her and she was made to pick up the pieces, before most of her idealism and hope was ripped away from her. It wasn't perfect, though, much as she used to think it was.

The first round of ShB patches were for the most part such a joyful time? Norvrandt never for a moment took her for granted the way Eorzea does, and they don't idolize her to the point of dehumanizing her either. There's a sort of kinship that she has with the people of the First, because they've known such horrible loss and kept on living anyway, same as she has. It's more of an even playing field, as it were. She can breathe easier there. She was also sort of drunk on the joy of being reunited with G'raha and the fact they both survived; the very complicated feelings she had about Emet and Amaurot were sort of buried under that fdlkgjhdgjk. She loved helping people, and then getting to go home to the Source and reunite with the people she thought she'd never get to see again (Aymeric, the Fortemps, and her family most of all!), and so that all outweighed the problems of Elidibus's Weird Stupid Bullshit by a lot. Most of the second round of ShB patches were good too, but she was so emotionally fucked up by the Seat of Sacrifice (as well as her own insecurities getting really bad) that she couldn't enjoy those as much.

tysm to anyone who read all this, and tysm for asking this meg!!!! this is probably more than you bargained for FGKJLDHGJH but you asked a very good question!!!!!!

[lahooozaherr]

Listen, sometimes it’s ok to do the writing equivalent of “as a teen growing up and drawing anime, I’d hide the hands behind their body so I didn’t have to draw them”

*Edited to add that actually, it’s always ok to do this, your writing rocks you got this

[oddberryshortcake]

Okay since my brain can only piece together one thing at a time and this might get long winded, I am going to make a case for Jamil and Tia. If I don't sound completely crazy I will do Tia and Sebek at a later date.

Jamil and Tia have similar attitudes and interests (hardworking and cooking)

Despite what Jamil says, he clearly enjoys cooking. Cooking is something Tia also has a passion for.

She also has a habit of working too hard and getting absorbed in her work (like Tiana,) Jamil is the exact same way. Tia and Jamil empathize with each other, Tia understands his work ethic and Jamil feeling for her because he understands how tough working all the time is even if she's doing it to herself and not because she's employed by someone else (though he definitely sometimes relates Tia's relationship to Grim as his relationship to Kalim sometimes)

It's also through Jamil that Tia can learn to let loose and live a little by seeing a bit of herself in Jamil's seriousness and hard working habits ("oh God, am I like that??") and vice versa

Also, Tia and Jamil totally shared a kitchen during training camp in Chapter 5. They fought over it because things were strained after chapter 4, but they totally bonded over that month.

("I'm cooking, it's my kitchen." "I have to cook, Kalim only eats my cooking." "That's a lie, he ate my cooking after you overblotted" "I guess we'll have to SHARE")

Next thing you know, they'll be enjoying those moments in the kitchen in the early morning.

2. Jamil genuinely talks to MC differently than with other characters and I choose to read deeper into this

Jamil doesn't care for most people, but there's this casualness with MC (which I project onto Tia bc she is mc to me) where he's more himself around her. He jokes around her a lot and is interested in her opinions. I think them having common interests and Jamil being more of himself around her is cute.

3. THIS LINE !!!! 🥺

4. Grim is like his little step son. He's already stepping up as a father.

5. Jamil wants to visit Port o' Bliss which is twst New Orleans, Tia is from the real New Orleans.

I also feel like Jamil would be very interested in the stories Tia has of her home (being that he wants to travel, is already interested in a place similar to her home, and has a desire to leave his life of servitude behind)

6. They're both pretty and would be cute together lol

AND THAT'S MY PITCH. In my brain they're slow burn but for the sake of simplicity it is pure vibes and I like them lol

I am a lover of JamTia and TiaBek 😳 and iN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

😳Go ahead. WRITE THE ESSAY, AND PRESENT IT TO THE CLASS —