#i hope they have a nice voice actor for him because bro you can BET I'll be replaying his like 5 voice lines over and over

[volostogekiss]

an eternity spent (one-shot)

No warnings. GN!reader, time-traveling/immortal Volo. Established past relationship. This man is just in love with you a lottt okay. It gets pretty wholesome because I want a happy ending :)

(Based on the Pokémon Masters EX and PLA premise because I’m waiting for when Volo is released in PoMas plsss)

Summary: Life was just how it should’ve been between you and Volo in Hisui. A love tried through trials immeasurable would never be broken, but fate always had a way of taking the things you treasure the most from you when you least expect it. After what had happened on Mount Coronet, you’d hardly spent a few months together, until you’d disappeared without a trace one day. 

But perhaps, fate could be merciful as well.

Volo had spent nearly two hundred years without you, waiting for the day to find you once more. He has his chance when he’s brought to Pasio, and it just so happens that he learns you’re the first Champion of the island.

He won’t let you go, this time.

I’m the one who is lucky to have you, my love.

How often had he thought of that, told you so as he’d embraced you?

He’d always trace his teardrop pendant he’d given you as it sat around your neck, his fingers drawing meaningless patterns on your chest and his lips caressing yours.

How often had Volo thought himself lucky to have you by his side, even when he felt undeserving of your love?

He was lucky that you had forgiven him for his misdeeds, his anger, his hatred. You’d forgiven him for breaking your heart, but your benevolence to allow him a second chance to love you…

Volo hadn’t ever experienced such happiness before, until you.

He was foolish to think that he was lucky enough to stay with you forever, however. It was too easy to lose himself in the bliss of your perfection, but how could he have avoided it? You were perfect.

Of course, his Pokémon were dearly important to him, but you were the one good thing he’d never thought he could ever really have. How right I had been.

He cursed Arceus for taking you from him.

The morning he had awoken with you gone… it haunted him every night. At first, he’d thought you had merely wanted an early start to the day, that you were trudging your way to Jubilife from your home far down in the Sandgem Flats. It had disappointed him that he hadn’t been able to kiss you awake, but as the day dragged on without you, that was trivial in comparison to your unexplained absence.

Volo could do nothing but wait for you. He trusted you. He knew you would return, wouldn’t you?

Creeping in before he had really wanted to acknowledge it, that doubt stole into his mind, worried him, and hounded at him incessantly. You weren’t there to stop it.

You weren’t there.

He hadn’t wanted to believe you had left him. Volo trusted you, as you had trusted him.

But three days after your disappearance, he went to Jubilife, hoping that someone else had seen you.

No one else had.

You had just vanished.

Part of him wished that you had left him, if it would spare him the pain of being separated from you in a world not even of his own. A world he had no connection to, no way to reach, a world that condemned him to agonize without you.

He knew it was so, for it could have only been another cruel act in the play of Arceus’ grand absurdity.

He had cursed his forsaken god more times than he could recall, so he couldn’t believe it had been the one generous enough to bestow him this opportunity to reunite with you on Pasio. He could put no faith in Arceus, for the deity had never accepted it, but presumed it fitting to both bless and damn him with immortality. Then, instead, Volo chose to lay his faith in the strength of your love—the only constant he would keep in his heart. Perhaps his fate had finally played out as it should have—with you, and only you—or maybe some other force besides Hoopa, as he’d learned, was at work, but Volo wouldn’t let you escape him.

Not when you were here, too.

His heart had almost shattered with a hysterical joy when he saw it was your picture flashing on the walls of the buildings all around the island. Maybe it’s once more that I’ve been lucky to find you. Of course, he wasn’t surprised that you were crowned as the strongest Trainer—the first PML Champion, as he’d heard. You’d defeated him and Giratina, after all. A lofty pride surged through his heart as he thought of your success here, and a burst of desperation compelled him to find you despite knowing nothing of Pasio. Its differences in landscape and culture compared to the Sinnoh he knew from only decades prior were inconsequential when you were here, waiting for him to seek you out. Ignoring how people had stared at him while he asked for you, whether for the uniqueness of his features, his noticeable accent, or some familiarity they said they saw in him, Volo thought only of you.

Their opinions were naught but useless blathering, for only yours meant the world to him. He needed to hear you. He needed to see you. He needed to feel you.

After what felt like an eon apart, Volo wouldn’t let anything take you away from him again.

Not when he knew how much he loved you, and how much he knew you loved him.

It didn’t even matter that you couldn’t remember anything of him.

Still, he hadn’t expected his heart to sink when you had first met at the Trainer Lodge, as people said you often were there in the morning. His heart should have soared upon seeing you, exactly as you were, exactly as he remembered you, but he supposed he was truly unprepared for the reality that you had forgotten him.

Smiling at him as you did to everyone else, you greeted him like a stranger after you gave him your name. “Oh, hello!”

The heat roiling inside him had almost caused him to lurch forward, pull you close, and call you his love. But Volo simply smiled at you, unable to keep the adoration from twinkling in his eye when he saw his pendant around your neck, even as you remained unmoved when he spoke his name.

“‘Volo’…” you repeated his name with a thoughtful hum, and by the stars, he trembled. It was almost as it had been back then, when you’d said his name in so many different ways, brightened by your happiness, shaded by the flushed tint of yearning love, and even coarse amid your grief. Ah, his name always sounded best upon your lips!

“It’s nice to meet you!”

He was glad you said nothing about his uncanny likeness to Cynthia; it was a difficult point to ignore as it was one of the most common things he’d been told upon his appearance in Pasio, but of course, you would be the one to look at him for who he was. And despite how much he’d heard of her, his descendant he should rightfully be interested in—shouldn’t he?—Volo found he couldn’t be as fascinated with her as he was enamored with you. You were always his priority, and he couldn’t change that.

He would make sure you would remember. If he could wait almost two centuries to see you once more, then the time spent to recapture your heart would be mere seconds in comparison. He would hold dear those seconds, treasure them like nostalgic days far gone in the past.

“Here,” you proposed generously, showing him your own decorated Poryphone, which he thought looked awfully akin to your old Arc Phone, “how about we stay in touch?”

Volo couldn’t help that his mischievous nature had revealed itself so readily in your presence. “I’d love to. You’ll have to teach me how we go about things on this island, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, I’d be glad to!” You’d accepted his Poryphone and flashed him another smile. “I think we’ll get along well—I just have a feeling.”

Volo grinned. “I happen to think so as well.”

And while he supposed he should have been acquainting himself with everything this artificial island had to offer, nothing could captivate him like you did. He often asked you more questions about yourself than Pasio, even after you’d taught him about battling with his Togekiss as a sync pair. He should’ve been focused on the second upcoming tournament. He should’ve been focused on battling harder, for your skills had only improved after your time apart.

Even more so, you’d graciously invited him to compete on your team, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to know if you could remember him, if you knew anything of Hisui. You had even said it yourself that he was a man of many questions, but you never seemed to grow tired of them. Then and now, you had said you enjoyed hearing his voice, and Volo absolutely loved it. You hadn’t changed.

“Hm, so even as I and other Trainers were brought to Pasio with our memories intact,” Volo considered with an uncharacteristic sullenness marring his expression, “you haven’t been able to recall anything.”

The pair of you were seated upon a square balcony, framed by flowers at a seaside café. A shared breakfast plate rested between you two, just as Volo saw it on the little dining table you had built together in your home.

“I don’t know. I wish I did. A few of my Pokémon were brought with me, but I don’t remember anything still. I wish I remembered…”

One of your hands drifted to the silver pendant settled on your chest, the action so natural it was apparent you had often fiddled with the charm. Volo smiled at that. It was reassuring that you subconsciously thought of him, even if you couldn’t remember him.

It really was you.

You brought your hand down, rested it on the table beside your untouched cup of neatly sliced fruit and berries. “Sometimes, with how many things are happening on Pasio, and the fact that I’m the Champion, I tend to lose myself in how happy I’ve become.”

Volo then wondered if it was better for you to remain happy without your knowledge of everything that had hurt you in Hisui, even if that included himself. Only you knew what he’d done to you, since you’d told no one else about his betrayal. And with how Adaman and Irida had welcomed him as a friendly face on Pasio, he knew you really hadn’t said a thing. Should he let you feel that pain again? He shook away the alternative of leaving you ignorant of matters that were yours just as much as they were his. Your love was worth that suffering; you had told him so, and you always did when his doubts were too easily read on his face.

He often left it at that.

He could never give you up anyway, regardless of what you’d told him.

After all, months had passed, and Volo was sure that you were seeing him as more than a friend. Despite how common it was to exchange Poryphone numbers, he had been on Pasio long enough to understand that whether one continued communicating after that really spoke volumes of your relationship. You were popular, of course, as your prestigious station demanded, but you still wanted him by your side. So why else would you have wanted him on your team? Why else would you keep showing up to talk to him and present him little gifts whenever you saw him in the Trainer Lodge? He knew why. It was exactly how he’d been all those years ago in Hisui whenever he’d seen you. He’d curl into your palm tokens of his affection, the mementos small, but telling of his boundless love for you. His hooded gaze, warm touches, and reluctance to part from you were surely clear enough signs for you, weren’t they?

Privy to rumors as he’d always been, Volo knew that it was certainly obvious to anyone else who looked your way. With their knowledge of your relationship from the past, the two clan leaders could see it, but neither felt it right to interfere with history, instead allowing him to court you as he had before. So why should he still wait to proclaim his love to you? No one else could love you like he did. None had waited nearly two centuries to be reunited with you, and never had he faltered in his stride to find you again. Throughout the lonely years that had stretched over the melancholy patience in his heart, Volo never forgot you.

He could never forget you.

When he least expected it, the rush of emotions—relief, love, and sheer happiness—tended to overwhelm his heart. But then at the worst possible moment, when you faced one another in a training session, he often felt himself pulled back to that day on Mount Coronet, and it slowed his reactions, forced him into clumsy mistakes, and worried you.

Like today, as the two of you fought against one another, in a secluded clearing at the northern forest’s edge of the island.

“The intensity of our battles sometimes brings me to such a state of nervousness that even I can’t quite comprehend it!” he lied, and he hated that he had done so again.

The last time he’d lied to you…

He didn’t want to think of it.

And yet, you never let him remain lost in his uncertainties. Your wit, your humor, your genuine concern… Volo could see how you looked at him with nothing but appreciation for who he was. So much more for someone who had been a stranger to you just short of half a year ago—

“Well, don’t think I’m not watching you,” came your playful retort as you stepped closer to him.

From behind you, Solgaleo pawed at the ground, its tail twitching. It almost looked amused.

Volo ignored your sync partner. He turned back to you with a smirk he hoped would distract you. “I’d prefer it if you watched me all the time, actually.”

“Volo—!”

He laughed, and he was relieved that it wasn’t long before you did too.

Oh, how he’d wanted to hear your laughter! He’d thought he’d never hear it again, but when he’d heard it so close just a day after meeting you again, he didn’t know how he’d lived without you. It hadn’t been over anything significant that caused you to snort, then laugh, but it had been because of an off-handed remark he’d made about the number of times people had felt the need to stare at him for his similarity to Cynthia.

“I think most of them are looking because you’re unfairly handsome!”

Volo had frozen. That was what you had told him when you’d first become friends. You’d admitted it with that same laugh, then gone on how the two of you should take a picture together.

And in this modern age, you’d done so more times than he could count, the album in his Poryphone full of photos of you and him.  

It seemed you were thinking of something along those lines now, for you were almost touching him, that smile you saved just for him on your lips.

His heart fluttered.

He wanted to kiss you very badly then.

Volo often realized he was dangerously close to dipping down and pressing his lips to yours, but always, always, regrettably, he stopped himself before he did. He’d brush it off as some dirt on your face or a stray eyelash dropped upon your cheek—excuses to touch you as he had when you were lovers.

Oh, and if you could just see the way you looked at him now.          

“You know, I’m really happy that you’re here, Volo,” you whispered quietly, leaning forward to gently take his hand.

He let you wind your fingers between his, felt his world tilt and rush away from him just to come careening to a halt as he thought of the first time you’d held hands. A breezy spring day. His enthusiasm for exploring the ruins he’d wanted to show you outmatched by his excitement to be alone with you. The wonderful, rugged and soft skin of your palm, the warmth blazing against his hand. The startled look on your face, then how you’d smiled at him so brilliantly. He looked up at you, saw the glimmer in your eyes, saw that same beautiful smile, and then the overlapping memories were almost too much for him.

It was almost the same, but this time, it was you who had reached for him first.

“The longer I’m around you, I think there’s something so pleasantly familiar about you that I just can’t understand.” Your lips twitched upward when he placed a hand tentatively upon your waist. “It’s like I know you, even though I hadn’t met you before you got here.”

You don’t know how well I know you, and how well you really know me, my love.

Volo tilted his head, drew you in so that your clothes brushed against one another’s. “I don’t think you realize that I’m beyond happy to hear you say such a thing.”

Not once had he ever stopped loving you.

Your eyes wavered when he cupped your cheek hesitantly, and you could barely manage to remain still in his arms. Thudding and twisting in your chest, your heart pounded in your ears, and you swore he could feel how unsteady you were. “Volo, I don’t know what it is, but when you look at me like that, I can’t help thinking that I—”

“I love you.”

Volo wasn’t even sure if he was the one who had said it, but he knew he was the one who had moved to kiss you.

He’d always dreamed of kissing you again—fantasies clouding his mind throughout his wistful mornings, or soaking deep into his skin as he lay alone at night. You’ve always been everything I’ve needed, he hoped to tell you with the craving press of his lips against yours, and somehow, I’d known it the moment I’d met you.

I love you.

He held you closer, turned to catch his breath, but couldn’t deny the desire to steal yours away again. How could he hold back any longer? He couldn’t. A wanton growl escaped him as he chased the warmth of your lips, but before he could kiss you again, you stiffened in his hold so suddenly that he had to let go.

“I knew you,” you gasped, a light in your eyes that shone clear in recognition of who he was to you. “I knew you, Volo. I—I loved you, and I know I still do.”

Immediately, with a cry of delight, Volo swept you up in his arms, twirled you in the air, and laughed to the heavens, the unprecedented reaction catching both you and him by surprise.

“My love, I’ve waited for you for so long—”

You were the one to lean in and kiss him this time.

“You’ll have to tell me everything later—“

He nuzzled against you, then set you back down on the ground, his lips brushing against yours.

“Of course,” Volo chuckled, “we’ll have all eternity, now that we’re together again.”

[jewish-space-laser]

Sucker

This is a little blurb I wrote when the JoBros came back last year... it’s very filthy and very short but I hope you enjoy! 1.3k words

xoxox Tile

You’d always had a thing for boybands. You’d been a JC girl when N*SYNC was big, a Nick girl for the Backstreet Boys, a Joe girl for the Jonas Brothers, and definitely a Harry girl for One Direction. Harry, who was currently pouting with crossed arms on his couch as you blared the new Jonas Brothers song from his surround sound speakers.

“I’m a sucker for you!” You scream-shouted. Harry rolled his eyes and huffed, turning away from you.

“We’ve listened to this four times in a row now,” he complained, “can’t we listen to something else?”

“Like what?” You had been twirling around on his living room carpet, but the tone of his voice made you stop.

“Literally anything,” he sighed.

You frowned, hopping onto the couch next to your grumpy boyfriend. He still wasn’t looking at you, but his torso had dipped towards you slightly, unable to fight his desire to be closer. You ran a had down his arm, trying and failing to get him to uncross them.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” You cooed gently. “You usually like this kind of music.”

“Yeah, well,” he grumbled, “now I don’t.”

His cheeks pinked slightly, and you smirked when you realized why. He was jealous. He wasn’t generally a jealous person, but on occasion he would get pouty when one of your guy friends hugged you too close, or you swooned over an actor at the movies. It was fun to have him like this.

“Are you jealous of the Jonas Brothers?” You tried to contain your smile. “Or is this because I called Joe sexy last night when we watched the video?”

“’M not jealous,” he defended, “I just… don’t see their appeal. Especially Joe. He’s engaged to be married, were you aware of that?”

“Harry,” you giggled, brushing your hand over his arm again, “you know every single word to Year 3000, and just the other week we were dancing around the kitchen to Burning Up. You love the Jo-Bros, almost as much as I do!”

Harry crinkled his upper lip into a snarl. “Oh, you love them now?”

“Harry, stop,” you couldn’t help but laugh, pushing some of his overgrown hair behind his ear. It was getting long again. “You know you’re my favorite boyband member of all time. There’s no competition.”

“Seems like there is,” he muttered, “can’t believe you called Joe Jonas sexy, right in front of me.”

“Well, he was suspended from the ceiling in his underwear,” you reasoned. Harry’s jaw flexed.

“Didn’t know you were into that,” he mocked, “bet it’d be sexier if I did it.”

“I bet it would, too,” you told him, grinning, “but for now, I’ll just have to use the image of Joe all tied up to….”

You trailed off suggestively, sucking your lips into your mouth. This caught his attention. Harry finally turned to look at you, a scandalized expression covering his features. His mouth had dropped open slightly, and he gaped at you in shock.

“To… to what? Get off?” He scoffed, completely offended. “You don’t need to be doing that, not when I’m here to take care of you.”

“Hmm, I dunno,” you prodded, “this new song of theirs really gets me in the mood, but since you don’t like it….”

Before you could comprehend what was happening, Harry had managed to pin you to the couch, a low growl echoing from his throat as your breathing hitched. One of his thighs was rubbing against your denim clad crotch, and even through the fabric, you could feel his quads flexing.

“You want something to think about when you listen to this song?” He challenged, eyes dark and brows furrowed. “I’ll give you something, then….”

He reached over to the remote for the speakers and pressed play. You winced slightly as it resumed from where you’d left off, mid-chorus on high volume. Harry had already whipped his shirt over his head, and was now toying with the buttons on your blouse.

“Harry, I was only,” you gasped out loud as he bit harshly into your neck, “teasing, babe, I was only… trying to get a… rise out of y- oh!”

“Shh,” he commanded, “can’t hear the song when you’re talking so much.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at his blatant sarcasm, but he’d shoved his hand down the front of your jean shorts and your brain turned to mush. He knew just where to press his fingers to render you speechless.

“But- but you don’t-“

“Shhh!”

You whined quietly when he pulled his hand away, and it was borderline obscene when he licked his fingers, holding eye contact all the while. You wanted to tell him that he really didn’t have to do this, you hadn’t realized that he was this bothered by it, but every time you tried, he shushed you or pressed his teeth harder into your skin.

He was sucking marks down the expanse of your torso as he stripped you of all of your clothing. Your blouse, bra, shorts, and panties all lay in a pile by the armrest of the couch, and normally you would have scolded him for letting such a nice blouse sit in a crumpled heap, but now his warm breath was being exhaled directly onto your exposed center, and suddenly your expensive shirt didn’t matter at all.

“Are you gonna think about Joe Jonas when my tongue is inside you?” You violently shook your head no, eager for him to move just a little bit closer. His nose brushed the skin directly above your clit, and you let out a whimper that had Harry looking smug.

“No,” you promised, “just you!”

“You sure?” He teased. “I mean, he is super sexy after all….”

By now, the song was on its third loop, but all you could think about was how to get Harry’s mouth onto you as soon as possible.

“Please,” you begged, “you need to… you need to just-“

“Just what? Oh, now you’re thinkin’ about me? Thought there was only room for the Jonas Brothers in that pretty head of yours.”

“Please,” you cried pathetically, “I’m sorry, you’re so much hotter than him-“

That seemed to be all of the affirmation he needed, since he cut you off by pressing the entire bottom half of his face onto you, sliding his tongue inside while his nose rubbed against your clit. His fingers were holding you down at the crease of your thighs, but he removed one to slide a finger in next to his tongue.

He edged you constantly, completely withdrawing his touch when he felt you getting close, waiting until goosebumps grew on your skin before diving right back in. He pulled out all of the stops; alternating between fucking you with his tongue and sucking on your clit until it was purple and swollen and sensitive. You were writhing against the leather couch cushions, mewling out pleas and praise as his jaw moved from side to side.

It wasn’t until the eleventh loop of the song came around that he finally let you come, sliding a hand up your body to pinch around one of your nipples. That had been it for you, the sensitivity and roughness of his calloused fingers pushing you over the edge.

He let you ride it out, keeping two fingers pumping inside of you while he sat back to lick his lips and watch. Your thighs were trembling and your hands were clenched tightly to one of his throw pillows as you came, only opening your eyes when the last rush of your orgasm faded away.

“That was the best you’ve ever given it,” you panted, completely gobsmacked. “I’m literally… going to picture that whenever I hear this song. You’ve ruined it, I can never listen to it in public ever again.”

Harry shrugged with faux nonchalance, wiping his fingers on your bare stomach before reaching over to the remote on the floor. He ticked the volume up several notches, smirking at you when you raised an eyebrow at him.

“On second thought, I quite like this song.”

[captainshazamerica]

The redhood nightwing fight scenes look like they're gonna be dope af like thats all I'm thinking about how awesome the fight scenes are (hopefully) gonna be (I'm already finding it difficult to see this jason as redhood cuz he's like literally a child but I dunno what age he redhooded in the comics so??)

I had no idea tim was even gonna be in it !?! Can I please get some kind of recognition from the batboys that they actually view each other as brothers and family! 😢

Someone needs to kill the joker It'd be kinda interesting if old bruce killed joker and it'd be nice if that was the last thing he did as batman buuuttt then again it'd be a nice touch if dick killed joker for jason, it would personally be disappointing if joker was just let live not gonna lie i really want bruce to kill him and that be the reason he gives up being batman because he failed to protect jason and then he broke his no killing thing so he just hangs up the cape

we are getting FEAR TOXIN yassssss cue awesome nightmare ish fearscapes (no idea if that's an actual word but that's what I call when you get to see everyone's fear hallucination)

Kory I love you, I do ship dickkory however I feel like she's too good for dick and should marry me instead lol I wanna see how donna is still alive? and I know there's people who are like ughh hank dawn go away already but I really freakin like hank and dawn as characters even though their suits are ridiculous did they break up last season I can't remember? Hank needs a break poor man someone give him a blanket and a hug and let him sit the fuck down everybody leave hank alone

That line where babs is like don't try be your father and dick is like excuse me what you saying there Commissioner Gordon, that will never not be funny 😅😅😅

I ain't in love with this show it has so much potential it could be so lit but I do like it anndd they got suits now whoop!

Wait is this my previous Titans anon? (The one where we ranted about Jason, or the one thinking they hadn’t seen S2 but went to watch it and realized they had? Or are you the same person? xD )And if so are you the same one who asked for the comic and fic recs? Just wondering in terms of if I’m talking to one person or not hahaha

But ahh I got so excited when I saw I got an ask about this 😍

Omg the nightwing red hood fight already got me so stressed lol. It looks great but ahh angst! But I think Jason is like 19ish in most versions when he comes back? Though tbh I forgot what age Jason is in this , I’ll have to see when i rewatch it soon. Curran, the actor, is actually 23, he just looks super young/short. He got pretty buff though. But yeah, that is an unfortunate thing wi the them rushing it already but also, I’d rather have it like this than if they were gonna spread it out through the seasons then it gets cancelled or something (poor Gotham s5, RIP). I think he was the PERFECT robin jason Todd though. Like I love his acting and portrayal of Jason(“Titans are back bitches!” classic Jason), he just is young looking and short. Gosh I still wanna know if they are going with the Lazarus pit for Jason or not! But like that also begs the question of whether they are doing a time skip cause normally Jason is dead for like 2-3ish years, but it doesn’t look like it from the trailer.

And yes, I’ve been looking forwards to Tim!!! While the trailer didn’t show it, the actor was on set a lot over these last couple of months (I’ve been keeping up with their instagrams xD) and seemed super close with the cast! I can’t believe the first look we got if Tim was him nearly crying, though that look already won me over, I love him and he is my son now. But RIGHT! That’s all I want, is the bat bros platonic love, gosh dang it😭 that’s all we want DC😭

BRO! OLD MAN BRUCE KILLING JOKER WOULD BE FREAKING PERFECT. Dang it! Now I’m gonna be so disappointed if that doesn’t happen 🤣gosh it would be perfect, and normally I would be like it’s Bruce, they would never do that, BUT, this show does that kind of “edgy” stuff anyway so if it’s ever gonna happen(without the Batman who Laughs plot line happening(which would make a perfect dc animated movie btw)), it would happen in this show, especially with what was shown in the trailer with him giving Batman up. Man, now my hopes are up for that xD though I wouldn’t mind if Dick killed him. I would be shocked though if they had the balls to actually kill off joker though, dc seems to refuse to do that :/

Omg I squealed at the scarecrow part omg. Dr freaking Crane is a big reason I spiraled down this entire fandom tbh. Like literally a year ago I got obsessed with him for some reason and that led into the Bat hole where I am currently WAY deeper than I ever would have thought 😂 and while I’m not hyper fixated on him anymore, I still love him so much and is my 2nd fav rogue, and it mainly started with Jonathan 🥺 we barely even see his face and I am already in love with the casting, the voice is perfect. And I LOVE when villains have to help the heroes, that is like one of my fav tropes ever omg, I was really hoping they were gonna do that to him. I hope he is in it for more than one episode tho. And oh lordy, like those poor Titans need even more trauma in their lives and now fear gas is in the equation. Oh no, I bet poor Gar is gonna get hit cause they just love to torture that poor boy. And tbh I hope the fearscapes(perfect word for it) will be better than most of the Gotham ones, those seemed a tad cheesy tbh

Lmao about you and kory😂 she is too good for him, but also, this Dick needs someone who can kick his ass and get his head out of his martyr butt 😂 tho tbh, I’m still not fully sold on Dickkory, Like I don’t hate it but I don’t LOVE it in many versions, like they can be cute but no strong feelings, the Original Teen Titans cartoon is like the only exception, I def ship those 2

Omg I low key forgot Donna “died”😂🤦🏻‍♀️ I feel like I knew it wouldn’t last so it didn’t have a big impact on me lol. Like I had/have a feel raven is gonna bring her back. I wanna know what happened to Rose/Joey! Like are they not gonna be in it at all? Especially with Jason going off the deep end?!

Lmao, hawk and dove’s suits😂 I think they did break up, I’ve only seen the series once through tbh, planning to rewatch before S3 tho(and try to force my mom to watch it tho she is convinced everything DC is too dark for her lmao), yeah, I don’t mind them, like I don’t want the focus on them but like they deserve to be happy/need a break, omg yes! That boy needs to be wrapped in a blanket and given a break, that grumpy boy is TIRED. Let him rest!

Lmao! That babs line is so great😂

I’m just so excited for all this live action Batfam content, considering the live action movies NEVER give us Batfam 😭(we aren’t talking about the 80’s/90’s live action robin lmao)

Also so sorry this was so long 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[is-this-a-skam-account]

Shelter Chapter 1 by shawnie1718 (me) on ao3

Drummer!Lucas/Model!Eliott

Omega!Lucas/Alpha!Eliott

It’s that fateful Instagram story which helps connect a certain Omega and a certain Alpha.

(Someone asked me if I posted it on my tumblr because they couldn’t see the photos so here we are!)

———

It was that fateful Instagram story that Lucas’s friend Yann had posted which would later change Lucas’s life. It was only fifteen seconds long. The video itself was jerky and fuzzy, so it didn’t do much in the viewing department. But there in the center of the frame was Lucas, jamming out in the street with bins scattered around him. The jamming session had been totally unprompted. Lucas and Yann had walked up to a street performer as he was playing on his “set of drums.” Lucas had commented something which prompted the performer to ask “would you like to play?” Lucas hesitated and it was Yann who actually pushed him to perform. So Lucas got up there and began to play a simple beat, pretty soon mixing it up and playing more advanced rhythms. Lucas thinks he looks stupid in the video, with his backpack slung around his back and hair flopping around as he jumped. But Yann argues that “that’s what gives it character!” And of course his friend claims that he brought on Lucas’s rise to fame.

Lucas’s following on Instagram blew up when the video went viral. Everyone began wondering who the sexy drummer was that could create awesome rhythms totally unprompted. So, Lucas decided to feed a growing fan base a video of him playing the drums upside down. What else was a man to do? The internet went wild. Lucas didn’t really understand why, but he took it. Lucas then did a follow up video as a thank you, and decided to share with his fans his love for playing guitar and singing.

Thus, he earned the title of the “French Cutie Who Can Do Anything.”

Then came the night Lucas and Yann had been chilling in Lucas’s apartment (which he shares with two other people. Yann always gets upset at him for not getting an apartment of his own “since you have enough money!” But Lucas likes sharing a space. Plus, living with another Alpha and Omega is comforting.) He had been on multiple press tours by this point, and had just finished with his USA tour which hit the main cities such as LA and New York. But it felt nice to be back in Paris, in his apartment, nursing a crappy beer with a French TV show on in the background.

He was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, Yann doing the same but on the other side of the couch, when he suddenly got a notification. Lucas frowned, he thought he had his push notifications for Instagram turned off. He slid over to his messages and read the profile name. Srodulv? How do you even pronounce that? Sro-deulv? Shrodulvsjdn? Like what?

Lucas shoved his phone into his friends face, “do you recognize that name?”

Yann narrowed his eyes at the screen, “the ‘srodulv’ one?” Lucas gaped at him, how did he pronounce that so well? Yann continued, “nah, but you can click on the profile.”

Lucas was about to protest but Yann beat him to it, already tapping on the phone screen to pull up the account. Yann shoved Lucas’s phone back into his face before going back to continue mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Lucas went immediately to the profile picture and ho- holy shit this guy was hot. His eyes trailed down to the bio where it read “elite model/actor 🇮🇹” Ah well that explains the hotness level.

Lucas continued scrolling to look through the photos. It was obvious the guy was an Alpha, from his air of confidence to his rather dominant features, like how tall he was or his sharp jawline. I bet that jawline could cut glass... Lucas shook himself out of his thoughts and decided to start from the bottom. It started off with some odd posts that didn’t seem to really fit together, some drawing and some videos of old animations. But slowly it turned into more headshots and posts of that sort, probably as he became more into his modeling career. Lucas clicked on one post which caught his eye. Lucas wasn’t sure if he was drooling as he looked into the steely gray eyes. Jesus, is he even real?

Lucas meant to click on the exit button, once, twice. You liked the picture! Lucas felt his heart stop. Nooooo. He looked down to see the date. Lucas wanted to chuck his phone at the wall. Three years ago. Fuck. No getting out of this one.

Lucas began panicking and hitting Yann on the shoulder “bro, mec, ow abuse!” Yann yelled. Lucas ignored his friends remark and shoved his phone back into his friends hands. Yann took a few moments to catch up through evaluating the phone. There was no way Lucas could voice what he had just done. He was too busy trying to fold in on himself. He heard Yann laugh and mumble a “duuude...”

“No, no!” Lucas said frantically and grabbed the phone from his friend, “don’t ‘duuude’ me! HELP me!”

Yann shrugged, “I mean, he’s a model right? He probably gets thousands of likes a day. He probably didn’t even notice.”

That helped calm Lucas a little. Yeah, maybe he didn’t notice. His hopes were crushed, however, when we got another notification. @srodulv sent you a message!

Lucas hovered over the message for a few minutes, really it felt like centuries, before deciding to open it. He first saw the photo @srodulv had sent him. It was a drawing of a small hedgehog sitting at a set of drums, spikes going everywhere. And another small sketch of the same hedgehog with a guitar in hand. Lucas smiled at the photo despite his efforts to repress his smile. He then looked down to see the next message

@srodulv: like what you see?

Lucas wanted to go run...somewhere. No, what he really wanted to do was to just crater in on himself until he was nonexistent.

“Shit, he just messaged me again.” Lucas finally mentioned to his friend.

Yann huffed and sat up from his position on the couch to look over at the phone.

“So? Message him back?”

“Are you crazy?” Lucas squeaked.

Yann laughed, “uh, no. I mean, he’s a model right? Maybe being his friend could help boost your career!” Lucas eyes his friend, “also not that I’d date him, but man those eyes...”

“Okay, okay, get off me.” Lucas said grumpily and shoved his friend off his shoulders.

Lucas hadn’t really been into anyone ever since his crush on Yann. He still wasn’t out to his friends, or the internet. (Though he will say the internet is onto him. They are much smarter than his friends. The internet has speculated that he’s actually an omega despite the fact that he uses suppressants. They help him appear more beta like, especially in person.) He’s come to terms with his sexuality and secondary gender himself, but taking the step into the public eye is a large step. Well, more like a large jump. Especially with how much his life is on display to the world.

When he first presented as an Omega at 15, he was scared. He saw what happened to his mom, who was also an Omega. He loves his mom, he really really does. But he just doesn’t want to end up like her. So, he started taking suppressants. Luckily, his dad wasn’t against getting the prescription, because he was ashamed of having a male Omega as a son. So they agreed to keep that secret between them. That is, until Lucas moved in with Mika. He had to tell him about his secondary gender mainly because of his heats. That would have been a rude awakening for Mika if he were to walk in on Lucas. Lucas usually forces himself into heat, which means he stops taking his suppressants every couple months and sets aside a week for it to happen. He hates his heats. He hates how he becomes so needy, but at the same time he wishes he had an Alpha who could actually satisfy that neediness. Braving heats alone is not an easy task. Every time, it feels like his inner Omega is trying to rip itself from his skin, clawing at it, whining constantly. But it’s better than having an Alpha to control his every move.

Lucas pulls himself out of his thoughts and glances at his friend who is back on his phone, watching...is that a compilation video of dogs catching frisbees?

Lucas takes a deep breath, opening up Instagram.

@lucallemant: well I like the drawing. I suppose the artist isn’t bad to look at either.

He sets his phone to the side, heart pounding. Suddenly, his phone bings. He wasn’t expecting a response so quickly.

@srodulv: I would hope not.

Lucas felt like punching himself in the face he was so anxious.

@lucallemant: so...why a hedgehog?

@srodulv: maybe because someone always has such unruly hair. And maybe because someones nose just looks so boop-able.

Lucas is glad @srodulv let’s the change of subject slip by. But did he just say his nose was...boop-able?

@lucallemant: excuse me, what did you just say?

@srodulv: I think you heard what I said.

@lucallemant: heard? I didn’t hear anything?

@srodulv: you know what I meant! You’re mean... :(

@lucallemant: haha I’m sorry I’m sorry.

@srodulv: so do you accept my compliment on your nose?

Lucas smiled to himself, pretending to rub at his lips to make it seem discreet.

@lucallemant: I suppose I have to. And may I have the honor of knowing the name of the person who gave me such a nice compliment?

@srodulv: where are my manners?! I’m Eliott

@lucallemant: Lucas. Though I suppose you already knew that.

@srodulv: at least I know now for sure that your name is really Lucas. Not just “French Cutie Who Can Do Anything.”

@lucallemant: oh god that is going to haunt me forever, isn’t it?

@srodulv: haha I’m afraid so.

Lucas pauses before saying: so you’re a model then? What’s a model doing drawing ME of all people in fan art.

@srodulv: cmon if anyone deserves fan art it’s you!

Lucas blushes and tries to swipe it away before Yann sees.

@srodulv: I suppose I draw because it’s an outlet of some kind.

@lucallemant: that’s awesome. Well, since my fursona is apparently a hedgehog, do I get to know yours?

@srodulv: haha you know I would like to think of them more as soul animals, but thanks for that thought. My “fursona” is a raccoon.

@lucallemant: a raccoon?

@srodulv: yeah! They wear masks. 🦝

“Dude, quit smiling at your phone like that. You’re freaking me out.” Yann mumbles from beside Lucas, pulling him out of his little Eliott and Instagram bubble.

“Sorry...” Lucas said before letting his gaze trail back on his phone. He saw Yann roll his eyes, but Lucas just brushed it off.

@lucallemant: so how did a model such as yourself stumble upon me?

@srodulv: I couldn’t let a pretty face like yours slip away, could I?

@lucallemant: try again, this time without flirting.

@srodulv: ouch getting called out lol. But I suppose I was in a rough patch and your video sort of helped pull me out.

@lucallemant: which video?

@srodulv: that’s a surprise ;)

Lucas lets a smile take up his lips. His eyes drifted up to the time. Holy- it’s already 1:30 am? He’s gotta go to bed. Classes tomorrow. Thanks college.

@lucallemant: I have to go :( classes early tomorrow.

@srodulv: aw man, you’re still in high school?

@lucallemant: college actually

@srodulv: oh! What are you studying? (Last question for the night and then I’ll have to come to terms with our conversation ending D: )

Lucas snorted a laugh: I’m a bio major. (And I’m sorryyy! I wish I could keep talking too)

@srodulv: then show me how sorry you are. Meet me in Paris when I get back from Japan?

Lucas chewed at his bottom lip. Should he trust this guy? He is an Alpha...

But what’s the worst that could happen...right? Eliott seems like a nice enough guy. Lucas lets his inner Omega instincts take over on deciding what to do.

@lucallemant: sounds like a plan. When do you get back?

@srodulv: it’s a date! I get back in a month!

@lucallemant: looking forward to it. Goodnight, E.

@srodulv: goodnight, Lulu.

Lucas hugs his phone to his chest.

It’s a date!

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries: 3.11 - Last Goodbyes

Commentary with Brian Millikin and Shernold Edwards, writers for this episode.

These two are really funny together. This is mix of summary and direct quotes and conversations that are not-necessarily word-for-word quotes. I hope it all makes sense! There is some interesting stuff about deleted scenes, which I’m hoping will be in the deleted scenes section of the DVD when I get there :)

-

The “Last Goodbyes” title is a reference to “the Smith’s song because it’s girlfriend in a coma, so it’s kind of a giveaway for what’s going on in the episode if you’re extraordinarily familiar with The Smiths.”

BM: This is sad because it’s Bree Williamson/Claire Callahan’s last episode; everyone on set was very sad. And so we had to walk a tightrope for this whole episode with the writing because Claire had been killed off-screen before this episode, so every line in this epsiode had to work both for legitimate Claire and also for the skinwalker pretending to be Claire. And the whole trick of this episode was that we wanted to make it not-obvious that Claire was who the skin-walker had taken. SE: My mom was actually really mad. We did such a good job of getting to know and like Claire up to this point that my mom called me to ask me why we had killed the cute redhead. BM: Well it was tough because we sort of always kill Audrey’s friends, and Claire had been the best of the friends we’d given Audrey so far. And by design we had them be partners throughout this episode. BM: And the sad thing was that we all really liked Bree, the actor playing Claire, but we had written the part before she was even cast, knowing that at this point in the season she would have been replaced by the skin walker.

The “King Bros.” name [of the abandoned factory where they found the skinwalker parts] was a Stephen King reference.

Both agree the episode worked out well and that they owe a lot for that to the director for the episode; the first episode of Haven he’s directed and they hope he will do more. They are particularly pleased with the look of the episode and this comes from the director having previously been a camera operator and director of photography for a long time.

BM: [As Audrey hangs up the phone to Nathan and we see her lock the door to her apartment] We are getting close to one of the many painfully-deleted scenes in this episode. This was one of my favourite ones, and this whole sequence would have made a bit more sense if the cut scene had been included. [It would have come between when we see her getting home, and waking up on the sofa with a gun in her hand.] She falls asleep with the gun in her hand because she had been freaked out because there had been a knock on the door and it was Duke but she was afraid because she doesn’t know who the skinwalker is yet, and she can’t quite trust if it’s Duke or not. And Duke tries to appeal to her from outside the door but she won’t let him in and he kind of gets it, and turns around and walks away. It was really moving. But it might have confused people because all the flashbacks in this episode take place right before that scene.

SE: [As Audrey is finding the first unconscious person] This was a really beautiful day - the weather there is notoriously changeable but this was a lovely day in Lunenberg. BM: There was a lot of talk about how this car could have come to a complete stop there if the driver had passed out. Was he already in park, what happened? So, we really just hoped that no one noticed. SE: I have a fun fact about Audrey’s outfit here. It was so hot this day in August that the hoodie she’s wearing under her jacket has been jerry rigged; they cut the back out and tied it back up to turn it into a halter “so that she wouldn’t sweat her little adorable face off.”

BM: So let’s talk about the idea for this episode; way back in season one, we started a master list of episode ideas and some form of this episode was always one of them, as “Coma Guy.” [This story gets finished in a little bit ;)]

BM: And here is our first flashback. And it was so controversial to try to sell everyone on the idea of doing all the flashbacks in this episode. But we had to do it because there would be no other way to break up the monotony of the Coma Haven with her and Will walking around town all day; we needed to cut away to something, but everyone was asleep. SE: And you had to fight most of those fights because I was on set for epsiodes 3.07 and 3.08, crying my eyes out at how great it was and also how challenging it is to be on set. BM: Well our script co-ordinator Nick Parker and I are both big Lost fans, so we understood how flashbacks structure works and by the end of this everyone else did too. And when we come back from this flashback, is Painfully Deleted Scene number two. Also written by Shernold. I really hope it’s on the DVD somehow, because what you’re missing here is a very tender scene where Audrey is still beside a sleeping Nathan, she picks up his coat and she folds it into a pillow for him and puts it under his head while talking to him. And it’s the first time she’s ever really been able to talk to Nathan this season because they’ve sort of had some issues up to this point. And she opens up a little bit becuase he’s asleep. And it was one of my favourite scenes in the episode. And it was one of Emily’s favourites to shoot. SE: It was! And she was adorable in it. BM: It was great. Some people were worried because she had this big monologue and was just going to be giving this big speech. But it was fantastic.

BM: [As we meet Will] So this is Nolan North, who is a terrific guy, an even better actor, and we were super-lucky to get him. His voice might be familiar to people because he is the George Clooney of video games. And one of the things Emily is most known for is the video game series Uncharted; she does all the voice work for the lead female character, and the lead male in the series is this guy, Nolan North. And the two of them are terrific together in it. SE: They had a really great chemisty on set. And, Emily is always great, but her performance in this episode is elevated because of the friendship between these two. He spent the whole time on set just bugging her like a brother; it was fun to watch and it was fun to work with them. And he is always entertaining. He is so nice. And so happy in what he does. BM: He told me that he was really touched that we had basically written this role for him. And it was a great opportunity because we had wanted to get him on the show for a long time. So [to get back to the story of how the episode came about] one of the reasons we hadn’t done the Coma Guy episode is that we knew it would have a big guest star; this is the biggest guest star role we’ve ever had on the show - maybe even too big, so we didn’t quite know how to pull it off. And we didn’t know what we would cut away to. So the Coma Guy idea sat on the shelf for a long time. And then we came to 3.11 and we knew Audrey would have a problem where she was facing this big sacrifice that she’d just learned about that she would have to go into the barn and go away for 27 years, so she was debating this internally.  And at the same time, I thought what if she ended up getting involved with this Coma Guy who is kind of facing the same sort of sacrifice. So Shernold and I talked about this as something we could do for 3.11 and figured that we needed something to cut away to and then we have the skinwalker investigation that’s going on. So it all kind of came together. And so going back to Nolan, we had wanted for a long time to try to get him on the show, really since we cast Emily. And so as soon as we had the idea for this episode, we thought; let’s try to get him. And we did, and we were able to get him based on a one-sentence pitch for the episode. So we wrote the outline, and the script, with him already cast. Which never happens for guest stars. So we were able to write it with his voice in mind. SE: It was really cool because we took a chance with a lot of jokes and we knew that he could do them. And part of being on set for me is, you’re up at 4am and a line comes to you and you think it’s the stupidest line ever but you’re too sleepy to think of something else. And then you get on set and the actor just nails it and makes you feel like you know what you’re doing. BM: Yeah, Nolan definitely made us look a lot better. So how he’s not already the star of his own show, I’m not sure. But it will happen. And maybe he will even come back to Haven, because he’s still alive. We gave him the job of an archeologist and were like; maybe we can wake him up and use his archeology skills. Although that’s really also an Uncharted reference that he has that job. SE: And I tried to do an Indiana Jones joke [in reference to Uncharted] but it got cut. BM: Yes, our favourite scenes aren’t the only thing that get cut; our favourite jokes get cut too. But, as an Uncharted fan, it was great to see these two together in reality / live action for the first time. And the crew loved Nolan too. SE: They did. They were really mad at us after this episode I bet, because Bree was gone and then we paracuted in this dream of a guy and took him away.

BM: I had really wanted to find some way to get a scene between Will and Nathan. That would have been really cool to have the two men in Emily’s life in her two different jobs. But no; he’s just asleep at his desk the whole time.

BM: We should talk about the tshirt Will is wearing because this is probably the most involved in wardrobe we’ve ever been. And I think a version of that tshirt actually exists; we had to fight with Legal to get it cleared. So we were able to do it but we couldn’t have the droid looking like anything that has anything to do with Star Wars. And I think I did ruffle some feathers in our art department when I vetoed the first two designs. But we also got involved in the hair in this episode because Emily wanted to have her hair down in these scenes [with Will] because in Uncharted with Nolan her hair is always up. And it had to be different from the flashbacks so then her hair is up and it became this whole big thing.

The idea for the sports team mascot based on a ram comes from the fact that Nolan (and also Brian and script co-ordinator Nick Parker) went to the University of North Carolina, where they also have a ram mascot for their basketball team.

[As Duke is telling Audrey what happened when they went to Colorado, the commentary is discussing how this is the first time the script has really been able to look at Duke/Audrey since the kiss happened, which was a scene that Shernold also wrote.] BM: The Daudrey fans, I think they’re called, or Team Waffles really loved this scene. And I think they feel that Shernold is the representative of Team Waffles. SE: I kind of am the representative of Team Waffles. I will go on record for Duke and Audrey. And I feel like in this scene Claire feels the same way. BM: Yeah. And how funny is Claire in this scene. I think I’m on Team French Toast, by the way. SE: Who is Team French Toast? BM: I haven’t figured that out yet. It might have been Chris Brody.

[As Will and Audrey come into the Gull] BM: Remember all the talk we had about how because we were coming out of that flashback off of Duke we wanted to come into a shot of Duke, so planned to do a shot of Eric with a guitar but we didn’t have time to shoot it, so that was a photo of Eric that he just had of himself playing guitar - and you can’t even tell it was him. Very upsetting.

SE: Look how great Emily’s bum is. Cute and compact; it’s adorable.

[As we flashback to Nathan’s interview] BM: All these scenes are nice. We never get the chance to have these characters just sit down and talk it out.

They talk about how this was a nice episode to produce; one of the most produceable episodes ever. “I don’t remember standing outside in the rain at all. We spent a lot of time in the studio.”

BM: Remember there was a version of this scene where in order to prove this was really Nathan, Claire was stood behind him with a pin - or actually with a thumb tack as a reference to season one episode twelve where he talked about how Duke used to do that to him when he was a kid. SE: And wardrobe blew their minds. I think we cut it for many reasons, but wardrobe just lost their minds over that.

[As we see Audrey breaking into Will’s house] BM: One of the many tragedies of this episode is that once he goes back into the coma, no one knows what happened here. So one day his brother and sister are going to come round and see that someone broke into his house, and they won’t know what happened. [And then there is some discussion about how maybe Audrey would have told them, in the hospital.]

Brian comments on the American money that we see on Will’s desk, and Shernold (who is Canadian) replies; Yeah, yeah. Canadian money is prettier, and it smells like maple syrup.

[As Audrey has her gun pointed at Will, thinking that he is the skin walker] BM: This moment will always be dear to me, because this is the moment that we solved the episode. Because, everyone understood the coma idea, and everyone understood the skin walker plot, but no one understood how they would come together. And we didn’t either. But it was Lila Zuckerman who saved it, she was like; ‘What if at one point she thinks that Will is the skin walker?’ And I was just like, ‘Oh my god. I think you are my hero.’ And the puffin earrings where just kind of a placeholder, but they stayed. We needed something there were two of so that one could be at the crime scene and one at his house, so we figured earrings. And it needed to be something unique so we thought puffins, because puffins are common in Nova Scotia where we shoot. But we were like; ‘We’ll come up with something better than puffin earrings’. SE: But we didn’t. BM: I think it worked out. SE: I like puffins. Puffin is like Hufflepuff; it makes you smile when you say it. BM: I had talked about it with some people in Nova Scotia and said I thought we could get away with the puffin earring if we made it a joke about the puffins, because it’s so ridiculous that we’re talking about puffin earrings really seriously. But they take their puffins very seriously. They were like, ‘But why would you joke about a puffin?’

[We flashback to Claire and Audrey interviewing Vince and Dave. And Brian and Shernold both laugh at Claire’s expression stretched out on the table] BM: You know, I still have plan to bring Claire back to life. Primarily because of her in this scene right here. We had wanted for a long time to have separate Vince and Dave interogations. But we didn’t have time to do it, which was too bad. In fact there is a deleted scene later, deleted from the script, but originally at the end of this scene they clammed up. They wouldn’t tell Audrey what Tommy was asking them about because he was asking about the barn, and they don’t want her to know about barn stuff yet. And so she was like; ‘You guys aren’t telling me anything; you’re going to jail.’ And they get thrown into the jail cell. And for a while she thinks that one of them is the skin walker, which helped a lot to throw the suspicion off Claire for a little while. And then later on she goes and lets them out after they tell her a bit more truth. But we didn’t have time for that, so we cut that scene out, which changed this scene - and it was just kind of brutal. Although I like her saying that final line there (“You’re not telling me everything. Again.”)

[As we see Audrey showing Will Erin’s body] BM: I appreciate Nolan North in this scene. And he is one of the few people who understood the buried Batman reference here, where he talks about the movie that they just went to see. There was only one movie that ever occurred to me; they had to have gone to see the Mark of Zorro, because as Batman fans know, the famous backstory of Batman is that his parents were murdered outside of a movie theatre having just gone to see the Mark of Zorro. But the only people who noticed that were Larry Gilbert our fantastic studio executive, and Nolan North. SE: I did not get that reference. If it was a Bugs Bunny reference, I would have been all over it. BM: I guess it’s also a kind of sideways Batman reference, the one word the skin walker says of ‘Hush’ - because there’s a Batman villan whose name is Hush. And I was very excited by Nolan’s delivery of the word hush there. But that wasn’t really an intentional reference, we just needed the attacker to have said something that we could then callback to later. And we were able to go in and seed it into earlier episodes. And it had to be something that Claire as the skinwalker at the end of this episode might have said not realising she was giving herself away. So I think ‘Hush’ was a pretty good compromise, but there was a lot of debate about what that word should be.

[As Audrey is checking the discolouration on the people’s necks in the hospital] BM: I should say, if anyone from the medical profession is listening; we completely made this part up. But we had to give them something as a symptom that could be easily seen, so we had to do it. We did do a bit of googling so I think it works. And on other occasions we have consulted medical and scientific professionals when need be. Just not so much on this occasion.

They discuss the hospital set and how they have used it for hospital scenes before and they like how it was redressed for this one. BM: I think it is true of most TV shows that every season you have a bit of money in your budget to build a new set. So for season three we built a hospital set because we had visited so many people in the hospital that we finally built a set for it. And Claire’s office is actually right around the corner. And what’s good about this is we ended up using it for a bunch of different things. Once we had it, we used it a lot.

BM: “We don’t call them Troubles for nothing,” is one of my favourite lines in the whole episode; I’m happy it survived. When something makes it all the way from the outline through every version of the script, untold drafts of the script and through shooting and then through editorial and actually makes it onto the screen - it’s worth celebrating.

Will Brady’s siblings Greg and Whitney are named after Brian’s brother and sister.

[As Will is realising he has to go back into his coma] BM: This was really the crux of the episode, as he is realising what he has to do, and how that will affect Audrey because she is facing much the same predicament. And it was great because we had a real arc for their relationship in this episode. SE: It is, because we don’t always get a chance to build a relationship with the guest stars. For me, as a fan of the show before I got lucky enough to be working on it, I always found myself interested in the Troubled people and what happened to them. But the show has such great core characters there isn’t usually the opportunity to spend that much time with the Troubled person. So this was really fun in that we built this entire relationship between Audrey and Will.

As Audrey and Will are getting into the ambulance, the initial part was shot outside on location, but once they are actually inside the ambulance, that was shot on the sound stage several days later, because they ran out of time on location. SE: It was a beautiful day when we were filming outside there. I could see why people live there.

BM: I was excited that we got to do some of this back and forth here between the two of them about Audrey needing to get better at goodbyes because all season we had beat that out because we knew that she would eventually chose to go into the barn and say her last goodbyes to everyone.

[As we see Will go back into his coma] BM: Remember how much discussion we had about what this machine was going to look like? Because it had to make a sound to cue us up, so was it a heart monitor because that would make a sound but would it have been a heart monitor in reality, and - a lot of discussion.

BM: And here’s the gas leak joke. Great! I love it. SE: So funny! BM: I wish that we could make a gas leak joke every episode. It works every time! There’s no better way to explain what happens when about three times a season everyone in town passes out for some reason. It’s great.

BM: [Jokes about his brother and sister’s namesakes being ‘appropriately angry’] But they would be angry - we had to approach this realistically because they’ve been passed out in the hallway all day; they have no idea what’s going on. It’s pretty crazy; what must everyone around town think when they wake up and their car has crashed and it’s 12 hours later. Well, it was a gas leak - just one of the hazards of living in this town. SE: It’s amazing we don’t see more ‘For Sale’ signs. BM: Yeah. Well, in that Vince and Dave scene that we cut, they had made reference to it too. They were holding their heads like, ‘We gotta move out of this town.’

BM: So this is where the tshirt came into its own because we needed something for Will to have overheard so he could tell Audrey for her to tell his siblings. If I was them I think that my head would explode at this point in time. And then this is nice because we have a goodbye moment between Audrey and Will but he is still alive. We just have to figure out a way to get around his Trouble because otherwise he can’t wake up without everyone else falling unconscious. Although I’ve always been touched by the idea that we would just at some point in a random episode when she’s having a tough time, come in on a shot of all these people passed out on the street and see that she’s just chilling, sitting on the balcony outside the hospital talking with Will. He’s giving her some advice, and then she’s like, Thanks, and then everyone wakes up again because he’s gone back into his coma. But every once in a while she just goes back, wakes him up - sorry everyone, hope there wasn’t a car crash.

[As we see Audrey and Nathan talking near the end] BM: So this was a big deal scene for us too because following the revelations of episode 10 this was a big step in the Audrey Nathan reconciliation. There’s no Jordan in the picture and we’re starting to move them closer again. Not that they weren’t close, but. And they’re now confronting things more realistically because there’s maybe three or four days left until the Hunter meteor storm comes. And this is one of the times you can see the chain around Nathan’s neck more than most. Which he has of course been wearing every episode since 2.01, for continuity geeks.

[As we see Claire and Audrey in her apartment] SE: Another on set creation! This is all on the sound stage, and that fire is real, and so it was like 40 degrees celsius in this set. BM: We should mention also that this used to be the end of act five, there was another commercial break after this scene and there was a whole face-off between the two of them. But that got moved to the top of the next episode. But this was great. And this was so sad, the realisation that Claire Callahan was no more. But she should come back. Zombie Claire. SE: We haven’t done a zombie curse really. BM: So she comes back, she hasn’t decayed too much. She’s regrown her skin for, some reason. She’s gonna look great. She’s going to look just like Bree Williamson, just like she does now. SE: Or we could just do the soap opera thing. Bree comes from the world of soap operas; we could do her angry twin - What happened to my sister? BM: How about ghost Claire? What are you doing on the astral plane? She came back because she has a message for us. SE: I like the twin sister idea though. We could change her hair colour. BM: Only if she can pretend to be exactly like Claire. SE: Well of course.

[corvid-knight]

One More Brother

The Striders acquire one more member, and D attends a funeral.

This goes with Being A Brother Is Hard As Hell and takes place after How To Deal With Murder!

(Read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13820532)

When Bro calls you, you're in the middle of a consultation with one of the voice actors, and you let it ring through to voicemail. Of course you do; he calls you a lot, and ninety percent of the time it's something that can wait. Most of the other ten percent is shit that can wait too, come to think of it; he just overreacts to it.

The second time it rings, you also let it go to voicemail.

When your cell starts ringing only a few seconds after it stopped the last time, you sigh and get to your feet, glancing at the slightly-confused guy you'd been explaining his character to. "Excuse me for a sec, I think I've got some family shit going on..."

He nods and gives you an understanding look, and you step out into the hall.

"Bro, what—"

"You need to come home.

"I can't just ditch this shit—"

"I'm not fucking joking, D. Get your ass back here."

He sounds as calm as he always does on the phone; you absolutely hate that he's not giving you any verbal cues to work off of. This could be him getting pissed over something you did and forgot about, this could be him wanting backup on some little thing with Dirk, this could be Dirk having finally managed to get ahold of one of the weapons from Bro's extensive collection (you really hope it's not that one...wait, he wants you to come home, not to the hospital, so it must not be), it could be about fucking anything. His tone doesn't give anything away.

"Why am I coming home, exactly?"

There's the sound of him exhaling heavily close to the phone, and—you think—the sound of a baby fussing. Which is weird as fuck, if that's what you actually heard; Dirk's eight years old, at least six years past the sounds you can just barely hear.

"We got another brother," he says finally. "And you need to be at a fucking funeral in an hour and a half, unless you want me to be the one to go."

"Whose?"

"Your parents'." Yours, not ours, even though the latter's the more accurate term. It's also a term he hasn't used since they dropped him off to live with you. "Hurry up and get home."

"Bro—" The phone beeps halfway through the word; he hung up. "...shit."

For a second, you just lean against the wall, tucking your phone back into your shirt pocket and closing your eyes. Today's definitely going to be a shitshow, you think.

It takes some fast talking to get you out of the rest of the shit you're supposed to do today, but not quite as much as you expected. You guess that that's a combination of two things: number one, everyone expects "artists" to be temperamental, even if you're usually pretty fucking good at showing up and putting in the work for your screenplays. More so than anybody else, it seems, since half your job is bullying everyone else into actually getting the damn job done.

Number two, the phrase "my parents just died" is nothing short of magical. The fact that you can't seem to dredge up any emotions other than annoyance for having them fuck up your life again (which you're very careful to hide; the bereaved son isn't supposed to be irritated about the state he's just been shoved into) and dread for the upcoming experience of having to attend a gathering of people who knew them and only know of you.

Thankfully, dread can apparently be mistaken for grief, if that's what people want to see, and you walk out with the understanding that you may be back tomorrow, but if you end up taking a long weekend, no one's going to say anything. You'll definitely be back tomorrow, but they don't need to know that right now.

That takes fifteen minutes.

The drive back to the apartment takes half an hour.

Bro meets you at the door, shoving a folder overstuffed with papers at you. "Clothes're on the bed. There's shit in there you need to sign, the attorney'll be at the funeral."

"Yeah." You take the folder, but your attention's totally caught up by the baby your brother's holding against his shoulder. And it's an actual baby, not a toddler like Dirk was when you got him; this kid's so little your breath catches in your throat, his face buried in Bro's neck so you can only see a fluff of hair so fine and light that it looks white. "Let me see him, man."

"You're already going to be late by the time you finish getting ready." But when you set the folder down and hold out your arms, he hands the baby over willingly enough, stepping back and crossing his arms. Oh, he's pissed over some aspect of this—more likely at having your parents dragged back into his life than at the kid, though.

The baby whines at the change between Dirk and you, opening his eyes and crinkling his nose at you. Red eyes, like yours, and his hair really is a white that you're willing to bet won't darken with age—recessive genes hit him too, didn't they? Instead of crying, he blinks and reaches to try to swipe your shades off your face.

You tilt your head back to keep them in place and realize there's a lump in your throat. You're going to cry over how small and perfect this kid is.

"Gonna be late," Bro says again, and holds out his arms for the baby.

"I don't give a shit." You do hand him back, reluctantly. "If I'm late, I'm late. Screw it, right?"

"If it was me, I'd say that." He shrugs, adjusting the kid until said kid stops whining to come back to you. "But you know if I went I'd end up in jail for assault; no fuckin' way I can last more than a couple minutes in a room full of people who agree with those assholes."

"Which is why I'm the one going."

"Yeah, exactly. So you better fucking go, 'less you want them to be whispering about the shitty kinda person you are the whole time."

You can't help but laugh at that, as you head for your bedroom. "Hey, they'll do that anyway."

Fifteen minutes to make yourself presentable. Longer than you really want to take, but not as much time as you probably should. Then again, unless anyone you're going to meet has seen you at opening night for one of your films, they don't know that this isn't your best look of all time.

Bro absolutely refuses to let you drive. He gives you the choice of letting him drive you—not fucking happening, since it'd mean either taking the baby in the car without a carseat, or leaving him home for Dirk to watch—or taking an Uber. You go with the former, not that you really have a choice since Bro has your car keys.

So, the drive takes forty-five minutes instead of the half hour you would've shaved it down to. The downside of that is that it makes you inarguably late; the upside is that it gives you time to read through and sign the paperwork Bro gave you. Roughly a quarter of it's stuff you've signed twice before—custody documents, shit that confirms that you're Dave Strider's legal guardian now. The rest is shit that seems to be asking you to renounce any claim you might've had to your parents' estate.

Since you have no fucking claim to anything of theirs anymore, and don't want one, you sign those with absolutely no hesitation.

The last page is a list of shit you do get out of this.

The baby—Dave. A fucking furnished house, which you intend to put on the market more or less immediately. No way are you ever setting foot in there again. A safety deposit box, contents not listed here.

You're almost afraid to wonder what's in there.

You get everything filled out, and when the short guy with a worried expression and a horrible suit heads for you, you find a smile for him and hand over the folder. While he's going through the contents to check that you signed where you were supposed to, you slip your shades off and do your damnedest to disappear into the crowd of people already here.

It's not technically a funeral but something between a wake and a reception; your parents will be cremated. There's two closed coffins surrounded with too fucking many flowers at one end of the large room. You don't intend to go anywhere near them. There's tables with food and alcohol, probably the most expensive kinds of both that anyone could round up.

A drink sounds really damn good right now, but you don't intend to have one. The reasoning is partly that even if you end up just a little drunk, it'll look worse than you want it to, and partly your purely, stubbornly vindictive refusal to take anything of theirs.

Persephone in Hades comes to mind. Eat the fruit, get trapped here for-fucking-ever. Then again, from the looks you're getting, you're the devil here.

You stifle a sigh and make yourself a bet on how long it'll tke the looks and whispers to become something else.

Surprisingly, it's more than an hour. You get uncomfortable smiles and "we're so sorry for your loss" and "such a shame" and "it's such a pity about their son" until you want to put your fist through a wall.

That last one is what makes your blood boil, really; you don't give a fuck about your parents, haven't for more than a decade, but they're sorry for the baby, sorry for Dave, and that's so fucked up. He's too young to remember any of this shit, not that they're sorry because he might be traumatized by losing his parents. No, they're sorry for him because you'll be the one raising him, his brother who doesn't have a girlfriend at thirty and probably never will, his brother who didn't force the other two sons to come to say goodbye to the people they got their genes from, his brother, instead of a nice normal couple who don't give a fuck about their kids.

Never mind that Bro hates them. Never mind that Dirk barely remembers when he called the people raising him mom and dad instead of Bro and D. Never mind that you love your brothers more than your parents ever loved you or them. These assholes pity the kids and judge you and don't bother to hide it, and you're starting to debate whether you're going to have to have that drink after all.

Then the woman with the half-full glass walks up to you, and you realize that it's a good thing you didn't make up your mind on the drink yet.

"Can I help you?" you ask her, taking a step back as she gets further into your personal space than you're okay with. There's absolutely no chance that she actually wants something concrete from you, but you're not the fucking source of entertainment here. You're going to be polite. This is the reason you're here and Bro isn't: because you can be polite, even when you're gritting your teeth so hard your jaw hurts.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," she hisses, actually hisses, at you. She's at least a foot and a half shorter than you and twice your age, and even though she has to look up to scowl at you she takes another step forward.

"Ma'am, how about we assume I'm ashamed and you back off me a little?" She's too fucking close and you want to push her away. Instead, you keep your hands at your sides and retreat the eight inches or so that you can, until your back hits the wall.

"Your parents would be so ashamed of you—"

"My parents disowned me when I was fourteen years old and contacted me twice since then, both times to tell me I needed to raise one of my younger brothers because they didn't give a shit about the kids." You state the facts calmly and don't outwardly wince when she does the precise opposite of stepping back. "I'm not sure what you know about them, but you sure as hell don't know anything about me, so I'm afraid you don't know what you're talking about."

"Language!"

"Ma'am, if you get any closer to me you're about to hear some actual fucking language."

The hope there was that she'll get insulted enough to storm off in a huff, maybe complain about you to some of the other old fuckers here. What actually happens is that her eyes go wide and furious, she takes a single step back, and you barely have time to close your eyes before the contents of her glass splatter across your face.

Alcohol burns your eyes and nose, and you have to bite back another obscenity. You very deliberately wipe first one eye, then the other with the heel of your hand, keeping your movements slow and precise, shaking off droplets of...cognac. At least that's what it tastes like.

Waste of good liquor.

When you open your eyes, she's still standing there looking at you like you're the antichrist.

You give her the most polite grin you can muster, flip her off with both hands, and very carefully don't brush against her as you head for the side of the room with the food—and more importantly, the alcohol.

To your credit, you successfully resist the impulse to just get drunk. Two drinks—whiskey instead of cognac, expensively smooth over the burn of alcohol—carry you through another half hour or so, and when that's gone by you walk out and call an Uber. And yes, you earn more dirty looks while you're standing outside the building waiting for it to arrive, but you're so fucking done with the people in there that it's not funny.

The sympathetic look that the driver gives you as you get in the car sets you off. You manage to get your seatbelt buckled, despite the fact that your hands're shaking; as she pulls onto the highway you double over in your seat and cry, hard. It's almost purely out of anger and frustration, with your parents and yourself, but it must look enough like grief that the woman in the driver's seat doesn't ask if you're okay.

Then again, it could be that she just isn't paid enough to ask. Or that she thinks you're just a sad drunk. You do smell like one, thanks to that bitch.

Anyway, having your ten-minute meltdown on the ride home is good, because it means by the time you open the door to the apartment you've gotten yourself to a state where it looks like you didn't have a meltdown at all.

The apartment is very quiet. You find Dirk sitting on the floor in front of the couch, his headphones on and his attention completely fixed on the laptop in front of him. Your laptop, actually. Bro's asleep on the couch with the baby nestled next to him, safe from falling off.

Dirk looks up and untangles himself from the headphones when you crouch down next to him. "Hey, D."

"Hey yourself. What're you doing with my computer, buddy?"

"Making it work better." From another eight-year-old that might seem like wishful thinking, but you believe your little bro. "I already did mine, and Bro was mad so I didn't wanna mess with his."

"He's not mad at you, man." As Dirk closes the laptop you hold out your arms, and he reaches for you with no hesitation. If he's this eager for comfort, Bro must've snapped at him at least. "Some shit went down that stressed him out, is all."

"Still mad," Dirk mumbles, pressing his face into your neck for a moment. " 's still scary."

That hurts a little.

"You don't have to be scared of Bro, Dirk."

"...yeah. I know." He shrugs against your arms, and pulls back enough to look up at you curiously. "Did he mean it when he said Dave was my bro too?"

"Hell yeah he did. Now you're the big bro; is that cool or what?"

The worst thing you could expect from Dirk is a puzzled look and maybe a suggestion of what this could be called other than "cool." But he goes for the polar opposite: an exited grin and an emphatic nod of his head. "So fucking cool."

"No swearing. Did Bro let you hold him yet?"

From the way his orange eyes go wide at the suggestion, you're going to take that as a no. You let go of Dirk and gently push him away, getting up to lean over Bro and Dave. The latter's awake, those familiar red eyes blinking slowly up at you as he yawns and waves his arms.

You wouldn't be surprised if he cried when you picked him up, but he doesn't.. Just makes soft baby-sounds and reaches for your shades where they're hooked into the collar of your shirt.

"C'mon, lil' dude, you don't want those."

Dirk's watching you; you sit down and wait for him to do the same, then deposit Dave on his lap and guide his hands to support the baby properly.

God, you wish you were taking pictures of this. The amazed look on Dirk's face is fucking priceless.

Bro chuckles, and you look over to see that he has his phone out, doing exactly that. He shoves his shades up with his free hand, meeting your eyes with a small grin. "Cute," he says.

"Really damn cute." You put your hand down, and Dave grabs your finger. "Both of y'all, you know that?"

Dirk only looks up at you for a moment to nod. Then he's fully focused on his baby brother again. You feel like he'll stay like that as long as you'll let him.

Damn, but you're so fucking happy that your brothers love each other as much as you love them.

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

“Clearing the Friend Zone” - a ML Secret Santa story

Merry Christmas @sombramalamutt !  I'm your @mlsecretsanta this year. I hope you’ll like your gift!

(huge thank you to @cinnamon-apple-roll and Remasa for betaing this)

Read it on AO3 / fanfiction.net

Summary:  When Adrien friendzones Marinette once again, their classmates decide enough is enough and the time has come to do something for the Tripping Queen and King of Denial. This will be their Christmas good deed. Plagg is 100% on board.

He did it again

Plagg was snoring peacefully in Adrien’s locker, when the whispers started.

‘He did that again, didn’t he?’

‘Our Sunshine child? Sure he did.’

The little black cat perked up. That was his Chosen’s nickname. And his Chosen’s classmates.

‘I have honestly had enough. How can he know four languages and Morse code and still be so dense?’

‘My man can’t be best at everything.’

Ah, Plagg thought, that was Bubbles and his girlfriend. What did Adrien do this time?

‘True. But if he keeps this up Marinette will run out of tears and dry like a raisin.’

‘Come on, babe. You know he doesn’t do this on purpose. That’s just his basic reaction. He really is very friendly.’

‘Yeah, yeah, a human equivalent of a Labrador.’

Plagg snickered quietly among Adrien’s clothes. Too bad he didn’t have anyone to take a bet, because he would wager a week's supply of camembert, that his charge declared his eternal friendship for Pigtails again. Probably patted her affectionately over the shoulder or if he was really lightheaded maybe even gave her a hug. The boy was an A-class master of mixed signals if Plagg ever saw one.

There was a clatter of metal and a thud.

‘Oh, crap,’ Bubbles called. ‘It wasn’t me!’

‘Relax,’ Red chuckled. ‘Marinette’s locker sometimes opens itself like that. Apparently her maladroitness rubs off on her things. Just pick it up, will you?’

‘A dictionary?’ The rustle of paper told Plagg the boy did as he was told. ‘Why would Marinette need one in her locker?’

‘Beats me,’ even confined to his current hideout the kwami could hear the girl shrug. ‘Never seen this in her hands before. Just put it back.’

Was it Plagg’s imagination or did he hear an exasperated sigh from Pigtails’s locker?

‘Wait!’ Red exclaimed. ‘Show me that! I think I saw a bookmark.’

The sprite narrowed his eyes. He could definitely pick a scheming vibe. After a few moments of rustling Bubbles cackled and his girlfriend snorted.

‘Friend!’ They both cried.

‘Oh, Nino,’ Red sighed through the laughter. ‘You should put it in Sunshine’s bag. Maybe then he would learn what that word means.’

‘Nah, you could probably hit him with it, and he still would be as oblivious,’ mirth lined the boy’s voice.

‘Hmmm. Maybe we could do something about it?’ Now that was definitely a scheming voice, if you’d ask Plagg. And a tiny squeak of “Yes!” from somewhere near.

Clearly Red wasn’t the only one with a scheme here. And he loved schemes! The little cat chuckled again. He was almost sure it was Tikki’s paw that threw that dictionary out of Pigtails’s locker. So he listened very, very carefully. He already liked this idea. And maybe he could even help a bit. It’s not like he had anything better to do, and he could definitely use more company and a less dense Chosen.

‘We need to establish an automated reaction,’ Red said.

‘A what?’ Bubbles supplied eloquently.

‘We need to create a situation in which we expose and train Adrien to the proper reaction,’ how come this girl had so much patience was beyond Plagg.

‘Girl, my bro is not some Pavlov’s dog,’ the boy gasped, scandalized at her suggestion.

‘Excuse me, but it was you who said he was a human equivalent of a Labrador,’ she scoffed.

‘Okay. A – it was you who said it, and B – you’re sure this is even ethical?’

‘Well…’ Red clearly hesitated, ‘maybe we could think of it as a prank then?’

‘And if this behavioral crap actually works?’ Bubbles clearly still had doubts.

‘Then no one would care. Besides, he’s not that observant in these matters. We are practically doing him a favor.’

‘If you put it this way…’ A scratching sound told Plagg, Nino was probably rubbing his neck.

‘Good. Now we need to have more people aboard.’ Wow, Red was fast.

‘What for?’

‘Actors.’

‘Will we be needing a director too?’ Bubbles asked hopefully.

‘Probably,’ Plagg definitely could hear smirk in Alya’s voice.

‘Then I’m your man,’ Nino stated proudly and the black sprite was sure there was at least one finger gun involved.

‘You are anyway,’ the girl drawled in a seductive voice, definitely moving closer to the boy.

And then the conversation came to an abrupt end and all Plagg could hear to his utmost disgust were the sounds of good old face sucking.

Training the Lab

Nino and Alya needed only one afternoon to work through the details and they set their plan to action the next morning. Unsurprisingly every person they approached agreed to participate, some even enthusiastically. It was clear that everybody had had enough of watching those two idiots dance around each other, especially since it was obvious for everyone bar the said idiots, they would end together. Their classmates thought it would be a good thing to speed things up. It could count as their Christmas good deed. As for their motivation – some, like Kim and Alix did this purely for fun, others like Rose and Juleka would do anything for a blooming love, while Alya and Nino were just really tired of Marinette’s failed attempts to confess and of Adrien’s denial.

Alya’s job was to keep Marinette temporarily out of Adrien’s sight, going by the rule that absence makes the heart grow fonder. She was to keep her friend occupied at all times, so the only occasion Adrien would get to see his just-a-friend would be during classes, where no interaction would be possible and Adrien would be facing another way, so in fact he still wouldn’t get to see much of her.

Nino was responsible for navigating Adrien through the “exposition phase” as Alya called it.

They started even before the first lesson, with Ivan.

‘Hey, Dude!’ Nino greeted his colleague giving him a secret wink to start Operation Ceefizz (“Clearing the Friend Zone”). ‘Watcha doing?’

‘Nuffin,’ Ivan sighed putting on his most love-struck face and looking pointedly at Mylène. The boy wasn’t subtle, but again they were dealing with Adrien here. The blond politely smiled at his classmate.

‘Something’s on your mind. I can see it,’ Nino pressed on to Adrien’s surprise.

‘I’m just thinking,’ Ivan sighed again causing a small whirlwind of dust on the floor.

‘Thinking, huh?’ Nino nudged Adrien in the ribs, but his bro was still patiently waiting for the conversation to run its course.

‘Yeah,’ the huge boy boomed finally tearing his eyes from his crush. ‘Christmas is coming. I’m thinking what I should get for Mylène.’ He took a deep breath and Nino knew what he would say next. ‘You know, she is such a g-r-e-a-t f-r-i-e-n-d,’ he drawled like was talking to a half-brain. Well, in a way he was.

‘But Ivan!’ Nino gasped and stared. ‘Don’t you mean   g i r l f r i e n d? ’

‘That’s what I meant,’ Ivan’s cheeks covered with rosy hue worthy of Marinette and Nino made a mental note to congratulate him on his acting skills as soon as he ditches Adrien, and to cast him in a more significant role in his next film. One that would involve actually showing his facial expressions. Or his face for that matter.

Adrien remained politely quiet throughout the exchange, his features blissfully free of any reflection. Nino sighed. There was still so much work ahead of them. He would have to ask Alya to swap with him sometimes. He wasn’t sure how much of this he would be able to take in before he’d want to strangle his best bud. It wouldn’t hurt to distract Marinette from time to time instead.

Nino arranged the next setup at lunch deciding not to overload his buddy with stimuli. As scheduled Rose and Juleka were waiting for the two of them in the locker room. Them entering was a signal for the girls to start the scene. Juleka smiled at them, gave Rose a cute, shy wave and left for the girls’ bathroom.

‘Thank you!’ Rose called after her and blew her a kiss. ‘Hi guys! What do you think of my new shawl?’ The petite blonde twirled and the silky magenta scarf that she wrapped around her shoulders billowed after her.

‘It’s amazing!’ Adrien commented politely. ‘This must be quality silk. The fake kind doesn’t billow so nicely.’

‘Yeah!’ Nino interrupted. The last thing he needed was a discussion on types of silk, which he had no doubt his friend would happily provide. ‘Looks good on you,’ he complimented Rose and for better measure threw in a couple of finger guns. ‘Is this a gift?’

Their classmate nodded and hugged the shawl to herself. ‘From Juleka,’ she breathed dreamily, although Nino didn’t miss the cheeky sparkle in her eyes. ‘She’s really a  g-r-e-a-t f-r-i-e-n-d .’

Mr. Director and co-schemer smiled at her, both in acknowledgement of a line well delivered and in actual fondness, ‘Don’t you mean   g i r l f r i e n d, Rose?’ He raised a brow at Adrien’s polite blink. Were they getting somewhere?

Rose dissolved into giggles. ‘That’s what I meant,’ she chirped happily.

‘Oh,’ Adrien’s own brows quirked in surprise. ‘I didn’t know it’s official.’

Their classmate smiled sweetly. ‘A recent development,’ she confessed. ‘But we’ve always been close.’

‘Yeah, that’s nice,’ Nino piped in, afraid that Rose going off script might ruin their plan. ‘But don’t you need to go?’ He nodded in the direction of the bathroom and Rose squeaked when she remembered she should follow Juleka now.

‘Yup! Gotta go!’ She exclaimed rushing after her girlfriend. ‘To get some smooches,’ she said under her breath but loud enough for the two boys to hear her. Mr. Polite blushed to the tips of his ears. Nino took that as a good sign.

Adrien’s friends continued enacting that impromptu reality TV, as Max had called it, for the next few days, careful not to go overboard. The expositions took place once, sometimes twice a day. Plagg was utterly amused watching a more and more confused Adrien respectfully listening to various people explaining their relationship status to him. He quickly decided this was his third favorite thing in the world, right after cheese and cat naps.

A great friend

Adrien was having a hard time. It seems lately that not only everybody seemed to be getting girlfriends, but they all decided to rub it in his face too. Oh, how he wished he could acquire one of those for himself. Specifically one spotted red clad heroine that took his heart.

But he couldn’t help it, so he patiently listened to his classmates, and tried to show at least mild interest, although he noticed he started phasing out in such circumstances, his ears barely registering the repeated tune of “great friends” and “girlfriends”, when his mind wandered freely.

After the third person suggested they were thinking about Christmas gifts Adrien recalled the red hat Marinette had given him last year. He regretted a bit that he had passed it on, even if it was in a good cause. It didn’t change the fact that he had to personally cataclysm it to free the akuma, destroying his great friend’s gift. Now it occurred to him that maybe it would be in good tone to reciprocate to his benefactor. That night to Plagg’s silent facepaw he googled “perfect gift for a great friend” and started browsing through search results with a new vigor.

When next day he and Nino witnessed Aurore feeding Jean Luc grapes at lunch (just before pointing out what a good friend she was and being enlightened once again about another couple’s relationship status), he couldn’t stop thinking about how much fun it would be to share food with people he was just friends with. He had had a particularly good chocolate mousse lately and he remembered how Marinette liked chocolate. He wished he could take her to try it out. They hadn’t had lunch together in ages. Which was unfair, because it seemed that although Marinette was usually busy with the girls, she still managed to spend time with Nino. But whenever Adrien wanted to join them, Alya showed up with a scoop or a problem to solve, and she would drag him away from them. Strangely enough soon after they would stumble upon another person blatantly showing off their girlfriend.

One time Alya forced him to go to library in search for a history book that might contain something on the Miraculouses and they found themselves in the middle of Ultra Mecha Strike IV trial show. Those new features and attacks looked really interesting. He idly wondered why Marinette wasn’t there and what would she think about them.

Shortly afterwards Alya abducted him again and to his slight embarrassment they caught Mylène and Ivan in the middle of a cuddle session. At least that’s what it looked like, because Ivan swore he was just cheering Mylène up after a particularly snide remark from Chloé. Of course, she was his-great-friend-don’t-you-mean-g i r l f r i e n d, so it was perfectly understandable to give her a comforting hug. Adrien couldn’t get that image out of his head. Well, to be more precise, he couldn’t get the idea out of his head. For the remaining of the afternoon and evening he pondered upon how he’d like to platonically hug someone too – purely to comfort them, of course. Marinette seemed a bit sad lately. Maybe she could use a friendly cuddle hug? Provided he would actually see her outside of class, that is.

Oh, he surely thought a lot about Marinette theses days, Adrien noticed. Definitely more than Ladybug, even if he said so himself. Somehow Marinette sneaked into his thoughts and took the place usually occupied by his partner. It must have been because of how little time they’d been spending together lately and because of that perfect gift he finally found and couldn’t wait to give to her. These at least were the reasons he came up with when after one particularly affectionate display of feelings between Nino and his “don’t-you-mean- g i r l f r i e n d“ Alya Adrien’s thoughts ran straight to Marinette’s full pink lips presenting him with a detailed analysis of how perfect they seemed for kissing.

Although the explanation about recent difficulties in meeting her seemed totally plausible, Adrien couldn’t really ignore the heat that rose from his heart and crawled onto his face, stopping only at his ears. Maybe he was running a fever?

Don’t you mean g i r l f r i e n d?

To everyone’s relief about a week and a half before Christmas Alya announced the end of exposition phase. It was about time as they had used all their acting skills and those last few scenes came up rather thin. Now it was up to her and Nino to get to the last stage of their plan – inducing reaction. Gift exchange seemed like a perfect opportunity, although Adrien had some objections as he admitted to not feeling very well lately. Alya chalked it up to the training phase proving effective. Besides, if they waited longer, the effects of the exposition could wear off and all that hard work would be wasted.

That’s how the four of them ended up in the courtyard during lunch break and opening gifts. Marinette was on the verge of explosion from excitement. It was probably due to finally seeing Adrien up close after Alya and Nino kept them carefully separated for the time of exposition phase. The bluenette reverently handed Alya and Nino their gifts, complementing them with a hug.

Out of the corner of her eye Alya noticed, with no small amount of satisfaction, that their blond colleague stomped nervously from one foot to the other, a fresh coat of pink adorning his cheeks. He was (im)patiently awaiting his turn, while Alya and Nino opened their presents and Marinette ducked into her backpack to produce his gift. A glimpse of disappointment flashed over his face when their gifts turned out to be hand knitted scarfs. An intricate pattern of musical notes was scattered over staff woven into Nino’s green one, while Alya received a pink triangle shawl covered with ladybug yoyos. Marinette really outdid herself.

Adrien’s hand went to his neck, where a light blue scarf – his favorite – was wrapped in loose loop. Alya hoped Marinette had made something different for him, because he clearly would be in a lot of trouble trying to choose which one he should wear. And the redhead wasn’t disappointed when the girl finally pulled the last gift out of her bag. She smoothed a few wrinkles on the Christmas tree patterned paper and with a shy smile handed it to the boy. He did his best not to tear the wrapping into pieces on the spot, but his rather frantic movements as he fought with the paper were far from his usual calm and composed demeanor.

Adrien pulled the content of the pack out and sighed in awe as he spread the garment over his chest. It was a light blue vest, a few shades darker than his scarf, but complementing it perfectly, embroidered with a string of little ladybugs – along the right side of the collar and the left side of the buttons, including a stray one right over his heart. It was beautiful and Adrien was enchanted, hand sliding over the delicate fabric and ornaments. Marinette stared at their friend analyzing the final result. She seemed quite content.

Nino and Alya grinned so wide, their cheeks hurt. That was their opening.

‘Wow,’ Adrien whispered. ‘Thank you! This is amazing, Marinette!’

‘Yes! Wow!’ Alya interjected, before the blond would launch his trademark sequence. ‘This is amazing!’ She repeated after him.

‘You’re lucky…’ Nino added with a hint of mischief in his voice, and Alya knew what his next line would be. Now they would get to know if their plan had worked. ‘…that Marinette is such a g-r-e-a-t f-r-i-e-n-d …’

‘Don’t you mean girlfriend?’ Adrien supplied dreamily, still one hundred percent absorbed by his gift.

There were two heavy thuds of female bodies hitting the floor. One right in front of them, caused by a stunned Marinette and one right behind, by Chloé who clearly had been eavesdropping on them, while hiding behind the stairs.

‘…What?!’ Adrien was abruptly roused from his reverie at the sound and then his ears caught up with what had been said. ‘Did I just-? Oh my,’ he gasped at the unconscious form of his great-just-a-(girl)-friend at his feet.

That’s what I meant

Chloé was released from ER soon after the ambulance took her in (and after an epic tantrum she threw there). Marinette had to stay for observation as she banged her head really hard, but luckily she was back home the next day. And news traveled fast, so that week there was a surprising amount of angry fangirl akuma targeting her.

Adrien would have never thought the time would come when he would be thankful for so many attacks. They provided him with a perfect excuse to postpone confronting Marinette about his words. Unfortunately they also provided Chat Noir with numerous occasions in which he had to escort her to safety before Ladybug was able to reach the scene. Somehow the red clad heroine was extremely late to every battle that week. And running over the rooftops with Marinette in his arms at least once a day did very funny things to him. He was suddenly very aware of her, his mind helpfully supplying him with flashbacks from all of their previous encounters. Every wink, every smile, every friendly pat on the shoulder. Every hug, every word whispered in her ear, every dance, every occasion they spent time together, just the two of them. He almost face-planted on bare concrete one time, when a particular almost-kiss scene from Nino’s film popped into his head just as he was leaping to Marinette’s rescue once again.

It couldn’t end well and it didn’t.

‘I can’t do this anymore, Plagg,’ the blond whined, confined to his room after the school was closed due to the intensity of the attacks. ‘What am I going to tell her?’

‘Who?’ Plagg raised his head from the wedge of camembert he had been devouring.

‘Marinette!’

‘Your great friend Marinette?’ Plagg asked with a sly grin. An exasperated groan was all the reply he got. ‘Oh,’ he snickered, ‘you mean your great girlfriend Marinette?’

Adrien buried his face in the pillows on his bed.

‘You could, I don’t know,’ Plagg tsked as if considering Adrien’s options, ‘give her the present you picked for her and explain that you didn’t mean that?’

A beat of silence.

‘Unless,’ the black sprite drawled in a low murmur, ‘you did mean that?’ He flew to his Chosen and settled just beside his ear.

‘Admit it,’ he whispered and was rewarded with another groan. ‘Admit that you liiiiiiiiiike her.’

Adrien pressed his face harder into the pillows.

‘Admit that you want to kissssssssssss her…’ Plagg honestly didn’t remember when he had more fun. He turned his back to the boy, hugged himself and started making smooching and sucking noises as his paws travelled up and down his sides and he wiggled his backside. ‘Oh-oh, Marinette, oh-oh,’ he moaned. ‘You’re such a great friend…’

‘Oh, god,’ Adrien growled.

‘You called?’ The black cat turned around. He scooted closer to the blond mop of hair. ‘Admit that you- Holy cats, kid! You have a fever!’ He exclaimed running a tiny paw over that patch of the boy’s forehead that was accessible over the covers. ‘You’re hot as hell!’

Adrien raised his head and looked at his kwami with glassy eyes. ‘I suppose,’ he mumbled swaying a bit. ‘That must have been that time when I went to the battle straight from the shower. All that running over the rooftops in December cold wasn’t doing me any good either.’ He flopped face first to his bed again.

‘Lovesick just gained a new meaning,’ Plagg sighed sourly, covering him with a blanket.

Adrien dreamt of Marinette. Even in the middle of a fever he saw her clearly. Her blue eyes, her midnight blue pigtails, her full lips smiling invitingly. He could smell her scent too. He hadn’t even realized he knew it. But he did. Too well. He definitely had it memorized, even before the last week, when every breath he took as Chat was full of it.

In his dreams he did everything he previously wanted to do with Marinette. He gave her the present. He invited her to lunch and they ate a mountain of chocolate mousse, and chased it with raspberry lemonade. They discussed the new Ultra Mecha Strike features and tested them at her place. He took some pictures of her wearing the hat and gloves he gave her. He comforted her with a hug (and there were cuddles involved too, because his dream - his rules). He walked her home from a stroll down the Seine. He held her hand. He tilted his head to press his lips to hers but just as they were a hair width apart Adrien woke up.

He was clutching the blue vest to his chest. He didn’t remember taking it to bed. It smelled divine. Lavender, vanilla and lemon grass. Marinette.

‘Feeling better, loverboy?’ Plagg greeted him from his perch on the shelf.

‘Yes,’ Adrien realized he did. His head was no longer reeling and he was no longer feverish. He felt better than in days and he knew exactly why. Without any fuss he ran to take a shower and then threw the blue vest over the black Gabriel turtleneck and grabbed Marinette’s gift.

‘What’s the rush,’ the black sprite grumbled yawning ostensibly. ‘Is there a fire somewhere?’ He teased, but Adrien was too lightheaded to notice.

‘We’re leaving, Plagg,’ he announced putting on his coat and scarf.

‘Hey! My cheese!’ The little cat spluttered, as he was unceremoniously separated from a fresh wheel and shoved into Adrien’s pocket. ‘Where are we going anyway?’

His Chosen grinned at him. ‘To see my girlfriend.’

***

Lessons were resumed the next day and Chloé landed in the ER once again, after a fit of fainting spells. All the time she mumbled something about blue vest with ladybugs and pink beanie with cat ears. Which was exactly what the newest couple at school was wearing that day.

* The End *

[scrapyardboyfriends]

24 August 2017

[The Cafe with Aaron, Adam, Victoria and Bob]

VICTORIA: I'm part of a Boxing Side Plot so I'm drinking Kale. Also, I want to be Wonder Woman.

BOB: That's topical of you. You know, I want to be Wonder Woman too but mostly I'm just thrilled to once again find myself in Plotdale.

AARON: Come on Ad, carbs remind me of toast which reminds me of Robert so, no more carboloading. Let's get to that Boxing Side Plot of mine.

VICTORIA: Off to the gym?

ADAM: Yep, gonna do a whole bunch of super manly things there. I'm the manliest man there is but rest assured fans, I won't take it out on Aaron Dingle’s pretty face. *Cute tickling*

VICTORIA: Great, well I'll just go grab my stuff cause Aaron invited me for Plot reasons.

ADAM: *Casually Sexist Mode Activate* The gym isn't for girls.

VICTORIA: Lucky I'm a woman then.

BOB: Yeah she's Wonder Woman! Are we getting paid for all of this free DC advertising?

VICTORIA: That's right! Wonder Woman! You make every scene better Bob!

BOB: Hear that Plotdale?!

*Victoria leaves*

ADAM: Why does the Plot want you to invite her?

AARON: *Matchmaker Mode Activate* Look Ad, I know you've been mooching off my Hell Plot for a long time now but you do still have one of your own, remember? And if I can't be with Robert, at least I can get you two back together. Maybe it'll give the Plot a nudge in the right direction. And feel free to return the favor when the time comes.

ADAM: Oh, right! #AreWeBackTogetherYet

AARON: Well, no, but I'm sure as soon as you become SWEATY BOXING ADAM she'll come around in no time.

[Plot Gym with Aaron, Adam and Victoria]

(FANDOM: This could have been a great double date...just saying)

*Sweaty Workout Bartsy lifting weights* - for the fans

VICTORIA: Hey, this Plot is kind of boring. Is there anything else we can do? Ooh! I know! We can skip rope. I’m great at that.

ADAM: *Casually Sexist Mode Reactivate* Skipping rope is for girls and way beneath a manly man like me.

AARON: *Matchmaker Mode Still Activated* Ad! Shut up and stop ruining all my hard work.

VICTORIA: *Skips rope like a pro*

ADAM: *Completely fails at skipping rope*

*Aaron and Victoria laugh at Adam’s expense*

(FANDOM: Awww look at least he's smiling and happy. Can it end here?)

[Plot Gym with Aaron, Adam and Victoria]

*Bad Fake Boxing Alert*

VICTORIA: Come on Ads!

ADAM: Hey Aaron, I look like even more of an idiot than you. Can you just fall or something so Vic will think I'm manly and desirable?

AARON: I suppose if you can hit me, I'll go down.

ADAM: Great! You're a real pal. *Swings*

AARON: *Swerves* Psych!

ADAM: *Falls pitifully* Aaron! *Too loudly* that's not what you were supposed to do!

AARON: Sorry, still my Side Plot, can't look as sad as you.

VICTORIA: What? That was a set up? It wasn't even a good one. You're so lame Adam!

[Plot Gym with Aaron and Adam]

*Touching Bartsy Scene Alert*

AARON: *Casually checks out random man in towel* (FANDOM: Nice one Aaron. Now how come guys aren't checking you out and hitting on you all the time? And how come you rarely check Robert out like that? And on that note, why are you not back together yet? We're all bored.)

ADAM: Aaron I'm so pathetic. How am I ever going to get Vic back now?

AARON: *Matchmaking Pep Talk Mode Activate* The Plot assures me that if you just be yourself you'll get her back. But don't be all the shitty parts of yourself. Only the good parts. And definitely no cheating. Real Plot killer, that one. Learned that the hard way.

ADAM: Thanks bro. You're the best.

AARON: I know. And hey, you two are too great together to let the Plot destroy you.

ADAM: *Hopeful face* Yeah?

AARON: Yeah. *Sniffs* But go take a shower before you talk to her again. You stink.

*Adam leaves*

AARON: *Wistful I was totally talking about Robert and I just then with that whole don't let the Plot destroy greatness thing, wasn't I Face* #AreWeBackTogetherYet

[Plot Gym with Aaron, Adam, Victoria and Jason (FANDOM: Come on. We could have just left this part out.)]

ADAM: So...just be myself. That shouldn't be too hard. I'm not usually too out of character. *Sees Victoria working out with some other guy* Aaron, I thought you said the Plot wanted me and Vic back together? Do you think I can take him?

AARON: *Sees that it's Jason* *Plot why have you done this to me Face* #BetrayedByThePlot

[Plot Gym with Aaron, Adam, Victoria and Jason]

*Jason touches Victoria. Jason makes Victoria touch his muscles*

*Aaron and Adam seethe...for different reasons*

ADAM: What is it bro?

AARON: *It’s the fucking Plot Face* *Goes over and manhandles Victoria away from Jason* Come on Vic, time to go!

JASON: Livesy!

AARON: For the last time, I legally changed my name to Dingle. It was a great episode. Robert did a cute impression in the morning and I drank out of a welly...we’ll just forget about the letter burning and what not. The point is...keep up!

JASON: I’m kind of an anti so I avoid your scenes when I’m not in them. *glances at Vic* So it’s been firmly established that you’re gay and I’m a homophobic asshole, so I know she’s not your bird unless you misunderstood the ‘going straight’ thing. I’m jason by the way.

VICTORIA: Jason as in…

ADAM: Jason from your Prison Plot?

AARON: *Nods* *I’m glad you’ve both been briefed on my past Plots since I’m not sure when I told you Face*

JASON: Aww you’ve been talking about me. That’s nice of the Plot to keep me relevant until I returned. *Turns to Adam* Is this your new bloke then? What happened to blondie? (PLOT: About that…) (FANDOM: #FuckThisPlot)

ADAM: (ACTOR ADAM: Unfortunately I’m not his new boyfriend) Not his boyfriend, but I’m am his best mate. *Casual Threatening Mode Activate* Now listen mate, if you–

VICTORIA: Oh you two are both pathetic and Adam, Robert would be way better at threatening than you. It’s a shame the Plot has ruined that. Yeah, that’s right, I’m making a proper come back here. I care about Aaron and I’m standing up for him! What a concept!

JASON: But we were getting on so well, darling!

VICTORIA: Do NOT call me DARLING!

JASON: *Casual homophobic remark*

VICTORIA: Oh you did not just make a casual homophobic remark! I will not stand for this!

JASON: *Compares people to dogs*

ADAM: Hey, don’t remind him that he really wants a dog...or the fans want him to have a dog! #RIPClyde #JusticeForScrappy

VICTORIA: Yeah, you’re the one who looks like a dog!

ADAM: Okay come on Vic, we’ve angered him enough. *Drags Victoria away*

VICTORIA: Oh no I’m not done yet! I have to get in all of my #AaronDefense while the Plot allows! If you lay one finger on him!

AARON: Thanks Vic. Means a lot you still care, but I’ve got this.

JASON: You gonna throw a punch?

AARON: No, I’m trying to fight against my aggressive tendencies while the Plot allows.

JASON: What, seriously? Hey, remember when Cain briefly made an appearance in this Plot. That was fun.

AARON: Just walk away.

JASON: Do you remember what happened in your Prison Plot when you got lippy?

AARON: Unfortunately, but I’m not scared of you anymore.

JASON: Yes you are, you probably have nightmares about me all the time. *Makes casual homophobic remark*

AARON: You are so boring. (FANDOM: Yes, can we move on from this Side Plot now? #AreTheyBackTogetherYet) You know, I think you’re the one laying awake at night thinking of me, because why wouldn’t you? I’m a #TopBloke But I bet they aren’t nightmares. *Camp Gay Voice* They’re fantasies.

JASON: *Insecure about his masculinity Face* You make me sick!

AARON: Well we have that in common. (FANDOM: We all do!)

JASON: Is that all you got?

AARON: What, you want more of me? You’re gonna have to get in line though...the only thing that’s stopping Robert is the Plot. #AreWeBackTogetherYet

*Convenient Staff come and intervene, dragging Jason away*

JASON: Come on! Do something! *Seriously insecure about his masculinity Face*

AARON: *Laughing* *I’m awesome Face* See ya! Take care, mate! (FANDOM: That was great! Can it please end there?)

[The Shop with Aaron, Adam and Victoria]

VICTORIA: Ugh, I feel gross. I can’t believe the Plot used me like that! At least when it forces me to care about Rebecca, I don’t have to be groped by gross homophobic men.

AARON: *Broods*

ADAM: Don’t go broody. You handled yourself really well. I’m sure the fans were proud. (FANDOM: Yep!)

VICTORIA: I can’t believe you were locked up with him and now you’re both conveniently out at the same time, still running into each other.

ADAM: Yeah...and it’s too bad this Boxing Side Plot has come to an end now. I’m sure with some practice, I could have been at least passable.

AARON: Hold up, bro! This Boxing Side Plot is totally not over. (FANDOM: But why?) I’m going back to the Plot Gym. I will not let Jason run my life like during that really short stint in prison that got cut short for the Hell Plot. Besides, the magazines have been seriously hyping this fight we’re going to have. Then again, they’ve been hyping a lot of stuff lately and that’s all turned out to be super underwhelming, so who knows how this will go?! #IFuckingHateThisPlot #IMissRobert #AreWeBackTogetherYet