#i hope none of you ever see this
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There’s no way Jayce came out of the fucking Infection Dimension perfectly healthy except for his leg (and his mental health)
He had an open wound on his back before he even went in!! and then the one we saw on his leg! (which was broken in fucking half!!) like did y’all see how thick the fog was?? He was breathing that shit in for months!! That man was probably dying!!!
#we should have seen him take a pause in his speech to cough for like thirty minutes#what kind of fucked up cocktail of gas was in that fog bro#like The Gray and every other drug smog gas from the factory’s mixed together with fucking magic#how much crazier would the Jayvik parallels be if Jayce had coughed up blood at some point#still crying over how much weight he lost#my baby…#did he even get to see his mom before he and Vik disappeared?#did he get to hug her?#tell her he was sorry and that he loved her?#did she get to make him his first hot meal in months?#did she hold him while he cried?#did she even know he was back before he was gone again?#imagine being Ximena and your son shows up at your door after being missing for months over half a year#and he’s lost weight his hair is grown and unkempt and he’s covered in scars and he has a brace on his leg which is clearly injured#and he cries in your arms when you hug him like he hasn’t since he was seven#and you tell him to come in to eat to tell you what happened and if he’s okay and he tries but none of it really makes since to you except#the grief. the grief you can understand you lost your partner after all you know what that kind of grief looks like#and after you’ve feed him and held him and took care of him he leaves again to try and save his partner and then you never see him again#and you’ll never know what happened to him and his partner#but all you can hope for was that he was able to save him and where ever they are their together#I am spiraling over Ximena Talis right now in the tags of my mostly jokey post#I love the Talis’ so much#jayce talis#ximena talis#I’m tagging her because of the tags#it is 11 at night I have a cold and I am spiraling about the Talis’ right now#and just like Jayce should have been I am coughing like there’s no tomorrow
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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hulu was doing live coverage of the election until 2:00am, at which point my power randomly went out and when I reopened the hulu app on my tv the election coverage was replaced with
#us politics#I don't care if it was intentional or a coincidence or what that shit is funny as hell#I got like 3 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours#my closest friends are sleeping and don't know yet#we're going to dc a month from now on vacation and none of us expected this#I've been on twitter and it's crushing I see my friends in fear for their lives#I see the worst people in the world cheering for their own downfall because all they care about is someone else having it worse#like they'll douse the vulnerable among us with gasoline and pray for hellfire thinking they'll be safe#but the flames don't discriminate like they do and we're all going to burn#except for the wealthy and powerful of course they'll be polluting the solar system or dead from old age#and the only hell they'll ever know is the one millions upon millions of people eagerly built in their names#in the name of 'greatness'#(man I get really melodramatic when I haven't slept)#and I'm scared too I didn't think this was going to happen and I have no idea what the future holds anymore#and I know I'm privileged to be able to say this when people's lives are about to be destroyed but I think I'm more sad than anything#so disappointed that 70 million people voted for *that*#because it's completely unconscionable to anyone with a soul but somehow he's winning the popular vote for the first time???#what do you mean more people like him now than they did in 2016 and 2020#this genuinely feels like a nightmare are we really so far gone as a country??? as a society?????#that we would not only let a convicted felon (who was served a lawsuit ON ELECTION DAY) on the ballot#but that SEVENTY. MILLION. PEOPLE. would vote for him? to run the country??? to represent us on a global stage?????#*THAT'S* what we as a nation have chosen??? what the fuck is wrong with this country?????#why him indeed#and yet I still have hope#inexplicably
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see i absolutely despise jimmy (and curly) as a character(s) but as a literary freak i can appreciate the way hes used as a story device with his relationship to curly. i could type this more eloquently but currently ive had a glass of champagne and i havent drank in like 6 months so my tolerance is low so forgive my writing but. jimmy cannibalizing curly. yeah.
theres multiple messages here, theres the message that jimmy is doing what curly (assumedly) did to get into his position and, employing another metaphor, taking the "dog eat dog world" saying to heart. and literally. devouring his competition. or maybe curly didnt do that. and thats what jimmy thinks curly did and so he aims to do the same. choose whichever one you like more they're both interesting storywise.
theres the message where jimmy "consumes" curly in some twisted expression of love. devouring curly so that he remains a part of him, an expression that he is the gold star captain and something to aspire to. admiration for something he'll never be and so he chooses to consume him in order to potentially absorb some of his skill or become more like him.
and then there is curly sitting there helplessly being devoured. its something he has no say in, not something that he chose to happen to him, its something hes become swept up in. he becomes devoured by jimmy in the literal sense of cannibalism, but also in the sense that he became so absorbed in his friendship w/jimmy he ignored his wrongdoings and ultimately led to anya's assault as well as the death of the whole crew.
curly and jimmy intertwined so that one is always consumed by the other. curly in a literal sense, jimmy in a more psychological one. i mean like its really quite crazy they did the "im consumed with thoughts about this guy and want to be him so i must literally consume him" thing quite well. when examining mouthwashing's narrative you find new things to admire every time. each little story element has a place in creating a wonderfully complex and heartbreaking story. its very well done and honestly something to aspire to from the perspective of someone who enjoys studying/writing literature.
all of this is to say i think that there should be more art of jimmy covered in blood and engaging in this cannibalism like the stupid little leech he is
#spacie spoinks#only post i will ever make about curly or jimmy btw. i genuinely hate the both of them with a burning passion#i think im just. projecting too hard but i just cant enjoy them. i have tried it doesnt work. and thats okay#my life experiences just affect me too much for that lol#this is all they'll ever get from me lmaoooo#i will enjoy art others make tho#im mostly saying this just so people dont ask me for any curly and jimmy stuff skjfskf you wont get it smiles politely#you can enjoy these characters if you wish no judgement. there is a lot to like about them as you can see by my post#see i can be a hater and introspective at the same time!!!#its not something that can be helped my Literary Analysis brain overrides any hate i feel towards those two#and when i view them as tools in a story they're easier to deal with seeing all the time#anyway enjoy this post. im sure someone has said it better than me but yeah jimmy x curly cannibalism for the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love writing!!!!!!!!!! hope i can also do it some day#see but like my reaction is normal the narrative made me hate them b/c it wanted me to#this is why mouthwashing is a good story it made me *feel* something about these characters#even though that feeling is hatred!! and isnt that just so wonderful#characters did bad things and i hate them b/c of it!! wow. storytelling is awesome#none of this is sarcastic. hope it doesnt come off as that#whenever a narrative makes you feel something with this deep of a complexity it is worth celebrating#mouthwashing#okay happy new year goodnight
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i need to get crazier about zamdoons i think
#mine.txt#lsshipping#zamdoons#what if you jokingly dared the most suicidal guy on the server to kill himself only to immediately regret it when he immediately agreed#so you try to convince him to stop but it didnt work but it lead to the two of you discovering a heart dupe exploit#which lead to your quest for immortality which little did you know#would eventually led to you being at odds with that same guy over and over again#which culminated in you beheading him in a ritualistic display of an execution for all the server to see#but what if the man you killed; your longtime enemy#just looked so beautiful in the light that you couldnt help but give his beaheaded head a kiss#what if later on that same man gave you the will to fight back after you ran away from the fight#after being betrayed by ppl who you thought were your allies#and offered you a place on a team that you sought hard to destroy at first#anyways i hope they interact more its always so fun when they do#i esp loved when red managed to scam zam when he was making his deals that was so funny#and i was hoping that would lead to more interactions but none of the deals ever went anywhere lmao but its okay i forgive them
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Need some sunset/sunrise pics I haven't seen the sun where I live in a whole week cause of the cold wave and fog and I'm feeling so down 🤧😭
Woe sunset be upon ye
Sunset Hoe™
#this was such a pleasant surprise!!! you pulled a reverse card on me and asked ME for sunset pics!!! 🥺🥺😭😭🥹🥹#because of where i live i never get to see pretty sunrises BUT boy do i get the most picturesque sunsets#i hope you get some sunshine soon. happy timezones lovely!!!#tonee's asks#doperunawaybarbarian#sun friends#Sunset Hoe™#also reminder:#none of my sunset photos are ever edited other than lowering the brightness. i just am very fortunate to be spoiled with pretty skies#💛💛💛#(click the photo for better quality cuz tumblr eats it)
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Hi Lexi
What do you think of partially blinded Vi? You never seem to draw her that way, and I kind of just wanted to know what do you think of it as a certified Vi lover.
I personally think that while something like this can be "cool" (as in, being beneficial to the character design), it's handled quite poor for Vi and it just looks a bit... ungrateful. Simply doesn't look good, doesn't fit her personality or character (am I missing something?) and it doesn't seem to fit or suit her...unlike Kenny's iconic eyepatch. To me, it has become a pivotal thing in his design to a degree in which Kenny with both eyes seems a bit odd looking. I see it as a symbol which stands for Ken being a martyr and all he's lost and sacrificed. He is all about family and helping those he loved, his loved ones truly were the "apple of his eye". It all makes sense, doesn't it?
But for Vi, it's excatly the opposite. I'm just so sorry to see her like this. 😭😭😭 I don't think it makes sense in any way. Louis losing his tongue because he's so talkative and "won't shut up" does kind of make sense, but I cant help but see Violet losing sight as kind of lazy writing. "We need something bad happening to her!!! suffer the children!!!'- the writers exclaimed.
i think vi losing her eyesight is incredibly impactful on her character and i honestly dont understand why some people say its lazy writing. especially since it was foreshadowed multiple times. vi losing her eyesight i think is even more impactful on her character than louis losing his tongue because at least louis still has his music to express himself and uplift spirits through (and its not like he cant communicate At All. his note still makes clem laugh). the reason i dont draw blind vi very often is because of how sad it is to me. for multiple reasons
violets whole thing is wanting to be able to protect the people she cares about, and feels immense grief and guilt about the times she feels shes failed them (thinks if she had been there with the twins that day that she couldve done something to save them. feels she failed everyone taken by the raiders. is scared of failing clem too "if something happened to you because of me? i cant lose you too. i wont". its why she cant leave minnie after shooting her. and a kidnapped vi attacks clem because she doesnt want anyone else to get hurt. hell it even ties back to her grandma and feeling guilty about not doing anything for her)
so for her to lose her eyesight? she took pride in her ability to fight and now she cant do that anymore. cant protect the people she loves. and as someone who started the season as an isolated loner, it forces her to rely on those around her for help, stripping her of her independence (and her independence is what allowed her to stand up against the group for clem when it came to the marlon situation in ep2). a blinded vi is forced into accepting community, whereas a saved violet accepts it on her own. her and clem turn ericsons into the home violet could never see it as
the other reason blind vi makes me so sad is that it is Directly a result of clems actions. kidnapped vi had nothing and wanted nothing to do with the bomb, and yet shes the ONLY ONE who gets hurt by it. clem choosing to let vi be taken means clem both breaks her heart, and then burns out her eyes. louis and his tongue is between him and lilly and was a choice THEY each made outside of clems direct influence (even if it was clem who inspired him to speak up, it is ultimately his choice to keep talking, and lilly hurts him for it. its sad he gets punished for a character moment, but clem had no direct hand in him losing his tongue. its why hes not angry to see her in the cell. he doesnt blame clem for what happened), but the way vi is feeling in that cell is DIRECTLY due to clems actions. vi feels like clem abandoned her after she had put herself on the line for her multiple times. she always had clems back but clem didnt have hers. clem is the one who planted the bomb and vi gets caught in the blast. clem hurts her emotionally And physically. and vi apologizes for getting upset (she tries to apologize on the beach too before theyre forced out in the cart, so she felt wrong for those actions immediately even tho they were understandable. lilly and minnie used her moment of weakness to get in her head. she just wanted everyone to be safe)
kidnapped blinded vi is just so incredibly sad to me, especially when you compare her to a fully realized violet. a violet who has come into herself, has confidence, has opened up, has stopped pushing people away out of fear and lets herself love again. shes a leader. a fighter. a protector. and those are all things a blinded violet loses
neither vi losing her eyes or louis losing his tongue is supposed to add anything to their characters. its about what theyve lost. both of them have important parts of their identity stripped away from them after being taken by the delta. its supposed to be sad. heartbreaking. regrettable. unfortunate. they have not gained anything by their time at the delta, only lost important parts of themselves to it
#twdg#like idk to me kennys eyepatch symbolizes his descent into madness. its the impact carver had on him#hes 'lost his sight' hes losing his way. becoming a danger to the people he says he cares about#kenny gets waaaay too much forgiveness in the fandom and i cant take it honestly. his motivations dont justify his actions#i dont hate him but god do i hate the way the fandom talks about him#esp when certain kenny stans ignore all the protagonists and hate all the women/anyone who opposes a protagonists views/actions#EXCEPT for kenny for some reason???? like when he opposes lee its fine but no one else can do it#you cannot deny hes a scary man by the end of s2 regardless of his motivations and people loooooove to handwave it away#i hate that 'family is family' crap#have none of you ever had a family member do something so horrible that you cut them out of your life completely?#HES NOT EVEN BLOOD FAMILY like that idea doesnt even apply here!!#the whole point of that phrase is that you cant choose who youre related to. twdg is LITERALLY about choosing your family#s3 is the one that makes a point to address blood relations and what worth they have#ok unexpected kenny rant over sorry but boy does the overwhelming kenny love get to me sometimes. there are other characters#sorry i hope this doesnt sound directed at you personally its just the overwhelming fan opinion i see and it drives me mad#where is the NUANCE??#replies with lexi#plamglam
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i'm so sorry about this everyone
good omens + my horse prince reviews
i actually gave this a lot of thought i don't think my life will get any lower than this. ok goodnight
#fearandhatred#you ever do something and then regret it immediately#i hope none of you see this actually#yeah#good omens#good omens season 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#the archangel fucking gabriel#beelzebub#nina and maggie#newt pulsifer#anathema device
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I had plans for the turtle tots this week, but then I scratched my eye somehow and can't see, so... sorry y'all I went with one that didn't require much new linework. The toddlies will be back next week.
#flat fuck friday#it's friday we're flat fucks#the cure#match made in heaven#i'm in love#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt donnie#hamato donatello#i can't believe i scratched my cornea#then did this#but damnit i'm not missing a week#even if i can only half see out of one eye today#seriously it hurts so bad#i hope none of you ever have to deal with this#paul how do you do it#making art while mostly blind#dang
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do you have any pokeani fic recs for the classic vibe (read: the content is unhinged and wild)
Referencing this post- long reply but I give a few pointers in these fics' direction at the end!
I'm gonna be so honest anon, I'm not sure I want to actively rec some of them 😭 A lot of them are very of-their-time (usually 2007-2013) and, while HILARIOUS, often contain things that I really don't want to 'recommend' (homophobia, sexism, a lot of slutshaming, some REALLY out of pocket stuff that is not properly warned for, etc). OBVIOUSLY I am not reccing the yikes of things so much as the rest of it (the hilarious unhinged side), but the current fandomscape leans bad-faith and assumey and I'm just not keen to fuck around and find out tbh. Ye olde fic reccing takes a level of understanding of other time periods and attitudes and customs in fandom and on FFN that I'm... not sure that all of tumblr is always very good at tbh lol. If you guys really want me to and if we can all understand that it was a different time and that enjoyment of batshit insane fics does not equal agreement with everything said or depicted in them, then come back and I'll consider it again. But for now, I'm MORE than happy to tell you guys the best ways to find them on your own lmao. It's not hard once you get it down, and anything I'd rec, I've found through this method.
First off, FFN's search system is just frustrating imo. Between a less-than-intuitive UI and people not bothering to tag characters and ships and genres properly, using it the same way you'd filter stuff on Ao3 is a fool's errand (unless you're doing it by word count/completed/etc, which is objective and automatically tallied I think). You're better off using key words. I usually ignore the filters. The only thing I filter by is fandom at the start page (all of Pokemon is under 'games' in FFN and I don't bother narrowing it down to animeverse personally due to aforementioned mistagging or an entire lack thereof).
So, what key words do I use? When looking for that specific brand of insane campy 2000s kitschy wild unhinged stuff, I usually default to searches like "PS CS IS" (poke contest ikari, there's a lotta stuff in there, sometimes there's ORS/LGS/OS/ES/AS etc and you won't always know the acronym and it's just a surprise tbh) or trope related searches like "Assassin" or "High school" or "Vampire" other words you might find in a summary. You can also search by character names (in the search bar and not in the actual filters, which are not reliable in my experience). I'd say to go for tropes and AUs as far as keywords go. I'd ALSO say to not filter by completed, because that'll filter out a lot of two-week-passion-projects that someone dropped as soon as it got flamed, and there's some fun ones in there.
That's about it, but if you find one good fic then it's worth checking the rest of what the writer has. A lot of them have a bunch of unfinished fics and there's some hidden gems. Have a good time reading, and the search is half the fun! Come back with any funny lines you find if you want :)
#it's so hard because I truly love these classic era insane fics but you've gotta understand that they're from like 2008#and I'm just not going to open myself up to any possible bad-faith interpretations.#it's also hard because like while I'm not a big blogger#there's enough of you guys that I am hesitant to do name/title-dropping for this sort of thing specifically.#I don't want someone to see this and think we're doing it to make fun of the fics#and if someone went and did that from a rec of mine then I'd be really fucking sad about it.#I love these insane 2000s fics even though a lot of them are flawed and a little yikes sometimes.#it's not an ironic enjoyment at all. it's genuine. They're nostalgic and fun and unreserved (albeit-again-a lil' yikes).#they're from when a lot of people wrote only for themselves and leaned fully into that level of self indulgence#and it's really sweet in a way to read them so much later and to see how much fun someone had writing it#now that we're all older and more aware of what we make and more nervous about how it's perceived and aware of quality.#you also tended to see a lot of author's notes about school and summer camp and writing between life#and it's just. idk. it's got such a specific feeling to it. like damn I hope [author] had a nice choir rehearsal in 2009.#I hope their swim meet went well and that their dad stopped being annoying or whatever.#none of this is ever to make fun of the fics or to be mean-spirited. i would hope that people know at this point that I LOVE cringe#thank you very much lol.#I am cringe's number one defender. go be cringe and genuine. it's better than being condescending and bored.
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I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess
This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.
I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕
Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.
The video is still on YT.
#Anywayyyyy#The fandom added a whole lot more C to my C-PTSD#So a nice random message every few months instead of a freshly posted death wish is LOVELY.#Don’t fret. On meds and therapied but fresh tf out of money from it so @ L and H… lornasaurusrexx at g*ail is the PayPal if ur bored 🙃#I hate to be like this but protect your hearts. They’ll never be able to look out for you guys and they feed these trolls ammo for snacks#and it seems to have only gotten worse. Gotta keep them hets hetbaited for their money whilst actively encouraging them to bully yall? Why?#STILL!? At this point it feels like they’ve both chosen that path deliberately now and I find it quite gross. but I’m also very far removed#So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy#But I hope they can sleep at night knowing the absolute fucking genuine WRECKAGE they left across the Big Gay War generation/era of Larries#Don’t worry guys I’m just as dramatic as ever. None of this has anything to do with them coming out or anything. Just how we were treated.#But trust I fuckin mean that shit from the deepest darkest pit of my Demon Larrie™️ heart. They encouraged this. 🤷🏼♀️#Anyone who cares about my actual life updates: I’m a school nurse now and will be working at a bougie summer camp over break#Had a surgery I needed. Got new tattoos and piercings. In a happy and healthy relationship with the best dude for almost a year now.#OH and I went to New Zealand last year with Prettytruthsandlies!!!! We made a pact back in our Big Gay War/college days to go. And we DID!!#I got overstimulated and overfed and puked in Hobbiton. 🤣 (It was the best time of my LIFE GENUINELY🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹)#Okay BYE LOVE YOU GUYS#There are better and more humane ways to maintain a closet ..like literally STFU entirely. Ignoring it and not exploiting a kid is FREE#🇵🇸
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a ranking list of if I met yandere vn love interests irl, who would i date!
i love all of these games and characters a lot, this isn't a "best game" list, just as realistic compatibility as i can imagine!
ren/redacted: 14 days with you (i'm a simp and a fool 😔🤘 we will date and i will inevitably pay the price)
ezra: restart heart (should be #1 bc they're somehow the healthiest choice i think? also very pretty and flirty)
friend: see thru need a friend (he's funny and fun and i love friends to lovers trope! i can fix him 😌💖 probably not.)
jack: swwsdj (he is so supportive which i love but i CANNOT trust ghosts. would be the slowest burn ever)
alan: my dear hatchet man (super bad idea but he's charming!! if i just never found out about the murder we'd probably be cool. also don't kidnap me.)
liu: glass mind (very cute! but i think he is possessed and idk how to help so not sure about going steady!)
fone: honey hotline (i genuinely really like fone! 🥰 but i think we might be better friends? also if fone is not upfront about dating, i'll never think he wants to, and then we never will)
zachary: don't look (i like him a lot but i would handle being kidnapped so poorly he'd just kill me out of annoyance 💀)
adam: you and him (i will sooner throttle him. i can hold a grudge and this man STABBED me. we might hate kiss ONCE but that is it.)
keith or tenebris: duality (they both seem cool, but i am extremely against finding someone broken into my home, so i AM calling the cops and never seeing them again sorry 🥲)
casanova: cannibal sweetheart (i have not played this game but i am afraid of being eaten! if that is a possibility in this game then i'm sorry we can be friends instead!)
elias: groom of gallagher mansion (i'm not a ghost fucker. don't look at jack in 4th place thats different)
dachabo: dachabo (i'm also not a furry so absolutely not)
john doe: john doe (NEVER. HE DOES NOT BATHE AND WANTS TO KILL ME.)
moral of this list; never let me find out about your intent to kidnap me/murder/stalking/gaslighting, and we will be a very happy and healthy couple 😘
#also none of these characters would ever realistically be into me so technically i'd be safe if they were real <3#i'd just simp for ren/redacted from afar and hope he doesn't have his sledgehammer at the ready#i know there are very cool yans that don't have games yet#but as i know very little about them#they're not on this list.#14dwy#14 days with you#restart heart#see thru need a friend#see thru: need a friend#something's wrong with sunny day jack#my dear hatchet man#glass mind#glass mind vn#honey hotline#honey hotline vn#don't look vn#don't look#you and him#you and him vn#duality#duality vn#cannibal sweetheart#the groom of gallagher mansion#dachabo#john doe#my post
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I’m so terrified of people that sometimes i stare at their socials and think ‘i should talk to them’ and then just don’t and then realise I’m a lost cause and i go back to drawing depressingly
#shoild i tag this as social anxiety#idk#i mean it USED to be anxiety like#but now I don’t even talk to people to actually feel that anxiety anymore soooo#social anxiety#socially awkward#yeahhh thats probably it#the socials also inclide here#even my irl friends are aware of this and say that none of i wouldn’t have been friends with them if they didn’t lovingly bully me into it#im that obvious#i hope you all know that everytime i like or reblog your post that me screaming how mich i adore you and that you’re really cool and#i might just suffocate over how amazing you are because wth#i think thats why im so much more active on tumblr than i ever have been kn anywhere else#because i can freely share my thoughts and stuff and i will never know if someone doesn’t like it becuase ill only ever see people who like#it most of the time#sorry yiu guys randomly get drops of how I actually am irl on here#despite me only ever actually talking abiut ninjago and morro#love my guy morro#sometimes i end uo draiwng those people favourite characters and im just like#wtf#im so sorry im actually also so bored rn#edit but i love when someone i do that to interacts with my post#like you know i exist????
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Saw a twt thread where people were giving their suppositions about what social media they think the dudes would lurk on and the first person to mention Seungmin was like "Oh Seungmins on tumblr" and my immediate reaction was to be like don't ever put such an evil concept out into the world like that ever.... but then I remembered he's a 23 yr old Korean dude and there's no fuckin way he's perusing tumblr
#Bang Chan on the other hand...... Juries out#i do think seungmin probably would enjoy tumblr if he wasnt a kpop idol like alt universe hes just a regular dude#idk he seems like a dumb meme enjoyer- reblog the day6 daily gifsets reblog some poem and a puppy vid sure#but this isnt an alternate universe and i dont see why hed ever be on tumblr so WHEW im safe#and If im wrong? well. hello seungmin hope you had a good dinner 👍#lmao#its 2am if none of this makes sense thats just how it goes
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📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️🩹
More Than Words by Extreme
previous ⏪︎ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist
#bizarre love triangle playlist#stranger things#el hopper#el's pov#okay so basically this song sort of captures el's series long realization coming to a head#which is that she never needed to hear mike say i love you for it to be real#she needed to feel it based on his actions#i don't necessarily think she was going to break up with mike here#because arguably she already dumped his ass with that from el letter#HOWEVER i do think she was prepared to solidify her concerns and how she feels now#maybe her hope was to rid mike of his misery and try to meet him on his level and put all of this fake nonsense to rest#with them both coming to the decision mutually that it would be better for them to focus on being friends#bc she will always want that even if mike is too much of a peabrain to realize that it's even an option for them (yet)#he's giving her all these signals up to this point that he does not have romantic feelings for her#it was never about him not being able to say i love you (tho it contributed in that he avoided it)#it was the fact that she needed to hear it at all to believe it that cemented their permanent romantic fallout#a consistent parallel between the endgame couples is that none of them ever say i love you out loud#bc they show it! and the other person knows as a result!#which follows the whole 'show dont tell' rule#el basically broke up with mike in vol 1 and was prepared to not see him for a long time or ever again#but then they were reuniting and she was so relieved that didn't have to be the case#and yet mike isn't kissing her#he's not saying he loves her#he's stalling#but i think el takes it as him respecting her decision to finally call it quits via her from el letter and that maybe he's matured since s3#but then he's rambling and dancing around his words#and you can literally see the pity start to be written all over her face#it's as if she's realizing he's going to try to mend their romantic relationship AGAIN even tho she can tell his heart isn't in it#she looks confused and almost disappointed#then abruplty romeo is interrupted
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I literally feel like I’ve finally lost it and im so fucking done If im just going to be completely honest
#dog talk#nothing fucking. ugh#I don’t feel like anything anymore none of this makes sense to me and I just keep attacking myself and my surroundings#everything is nothing at all. its all just shreds of hope#everything all of these ‘people’ say don’t mean shit and about 2 days ago now I finally almost called it quits#if you know what that implies.#and I just want to hurt everyone and myself and everyone and myself and once and for all it seems that no one means anything to me anymore#and that I shouldnt care#something is in my head talking to me and it has been for fucking forever and I don’t know If I’ll survive tonight#just some fuckin dickheads are always in my fucking way and I just. I don’t know how much longer I’ll survive#next year I don’t even know if I’ll make it. I don’t even fucking know if I’ll make it#I don’t know how to stick around anymore I fucking don’t#no one has ever liked me and no one has ever payed artention to me and no one cates and I dont care and#but also Ive left everyone and theyve missed me but they don’t even know who I am anymore#I haven’t showered in 2 weeks now and my hair is practically molded to my head with the grease and I HAVent done shit#everything isnt real everything is just a mold of what it should be#I woke up at 5 pm today and I couldnt even see the light outside because of that#EVERYTHING is just thoughts and every singl eugcking EVERY single fucking noise makes me want to fucking scream and freak out I#cant fucking do this man#I don’t think I’m going to survive at all#I think I honestly wasnt meant to be here. I think I was supposed to be a abandoned sawmill or some shit#and I think this is all just here to curse me because I was given the light of the world but the pain of being here#I am in pain and I can’t keep doing this. if I talk to a psychiatrist I will be asked all of their stupid questions that they assume I have#normal teenage answers for#and not that I am planning where my grave will be.#I am done.
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