#i hope if you think cishets are lgbt that you aren’t following me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

choicesenthusiast · 3 years ago

Text

Representation at Pixelberry: The Follow-Up

One year ago, on June 15, 2020, Pixelberry released a statement regarding representation at the company. Here is the LINK to the original blog post, and here was MY RESPONSE. Oh, how naïve and optimistic I was. It contained a list of goals and promises they hoped to accomplish within a year. Well, a year has passed, and here is my attempt to hold PB accountable. I'll be going over the five main points of their representation plan and if they achieved what they promised. All criticisms are about content released after June 15th. Long post beware, but I'm not putting it under a read more because I feel like it's important for all to see.

1. Commitment to diversity of Love Interests - FAIL

We’ve already been moving towards having Love Interests have customizable skin tones. We will continue to do this with some stories, while also having some characters with clear ethnic identities. At the same time when we have multiple love interests of different ethnicities, we are aiming for those Love Interests to have equal game time.

"LIs with customizable skin tones" mean they come in three flavours: white, black, and ambiguously Asian/Latinx interchangeably. So far I have rarely seen an LI as connected to their culture/ethnicity as Rafael Aveiro, and he just talked about his Vovo's food if he ever were on screen. They had many chances with the other OH LIs as well. Even Ayna Seth and Tatum Mendoza were confirmed to be Indian and Filipino, respectively, though FA gets a little leeway, as it was set in a fictional west-European continent.

As for equal game time? I'm sure the biggest example we can all think of was the mess that was Open Heart 3, which was written during the hiatus (which only existed because they were going to straight up kill Rafael in Book 2). Game time was not equal among LIs, and the white male LI was heavily favoured. PB also continues to pay female LIs dirt by giving them no screen time. In addition to that, LGBT+ players, who are consistently underrepresented, receive one (1) unprepared pride month survey, prpbably only because someone asked them about it on Twitter.

This is the meat and potatoes of everything because it's what they're outputting to their audience. It's what the people see. Given that things haven't been going so well lately in this department, consider this promise a big fat fail.

2. More authentic and diverse hairstyles for people of color - QUESTIONABLE

Our team will focus on providing more authentic and representative hairstyles. We are prioritizing these hairstyles outside of our normal book processes and will introduce them in new books as they are ready.

While, yes, they have added two new hairstyles in WEH, they also just took Jade Bonet's hair and recycled it for LoA F!MC. PB recycles all their hair more often than not.

3. More diverse book covers - QUESTIONABLE

This is an initiative we started in January of this year. As a result the number of Black, Latinx, Asian, Native American, Pacific Islander, mixed, and other characters on new book covers increased from 35% of characters in 2019 to 60% characters in the first half of 2020. However, the number of black characters is still not high enough this year. More are already scheduled for books later this year. We will make sure that Black characters are well represented on our covers in the future.

"Diverse" does not just mean by race, but also gender, sexual orientation, etc. FA has the only recent MLM cover. And don't tell me that the FA and LoA covers are any different from each other. The only black characters on covers are Zoey Wade (QB), and Black!Gabe Ricci (LoA) and Bastien (WB), which aren't even their canon races unless you choose them to be. This is the case for many single-LI books, such as Cassian Keane (W:ABR, which technically premiered on Mar. 16, but the sentiment is the same), Sam Dalton (TNA), and Dakota Winchester (WEH). Not to mention the customizable/multi LI books like DS, RT, BaBu2, MTFL, etc. Majority of these covers are just cishet couples delicately cradling each other's bodies or whatever. And we're not even gonna get into how PB literally put the Open Heart LIs in order of their favouritism on Book 3's cover.

4. Writers/Staff - QUESTIONABLE

We will be engaging in professional training on historical and current racism for our writers to ensure more of them have a better understanding and more context for views of diverse characters in Choices. We will also create a program that gives more authority to people of color in the studio to advise writers and artists on more authentic portrayals in both writing and art of black, brown, and minority characters.

A story with a Black-led cast is something I have asked for in the past, but failed to follow-up on. We will very likely start this with a Black-led cast story led by Chelsa, one of Pixelberry's Black writers.

We will increase the number of diverse writers we source for new stories, starting with hiring more Black and Latinx writers to lead the charge.

For all teams at Pixelberry we will actively work to bring in more Black and Latinx candidates with the goal to increase the number of Black and Latinx employees at Pixelberry. Although Pixelberry is over 50% female, on teams where females are not at 50% we will actively work to source more female candidates.

This promise seemed like a copout from the start because we have no way of knowing who works on what at PB unless we very meticulously stalk their LinkedIn or Twitter or whatever. We have no solid statistics except for what they feed us. I do know, however, that they recently let the Ms. Match writers go and were hiring for external writers, but there really is no way of knowing what's going on behind-the-scenes with their 112+ employees, and of course there would be NDAs involved. We are yet to see a book with an all-Black cast, and receive rare development updates with new books. Actually, I think a really good way to promote diversity is to do staff showcases on their social media. Just a way to show the public who's responsible for what. Writers, game devs, the art team, etc. Don't think it'll happen, but it's always a good idea.

5. Donations - QUESTIONABLE

Pixelberry will also be making $100,000 in donations to Black Girls Code, the Black Writers Collective, and the Latinx Writers Collective at Techqueria. Rather than as a lump sum, we will be making these donations over the course of a year to remind us that we are not making short term changes, but are committed to long term sustainable actions. We’ll also be donating up to an additional $100k from profits for this week, 6/15-6/21.

There has been no proof, no receipts, no evidence from PB that they have donated anything to anyone, and as far as we're concerned, their word doesn't mean anything. No news or updates news about it. I would love to believe that they did something, but as you can see, I've become quite the pessimist. BWC still uses PB's old logo (like, pre-Choices) on their sponsors page, and the last interaction they've had with BGC was in 2013. They don't even follow each other on Instagram. In fact, BGC received a huge donation from MacKenzie Scott, formerly Bezos last July. Yes, that billionaire Bezos, and that got coverage from them. Obviously donations don't need to be for publicity, but in this case I think it's important there should be proof. Again, it's really hard to tell with these behind-the-scenes things, but given how PB loves to gloat and hates to keep promises, we can assume that none of this happened.

~~~

So, what's the takeaway? That PB's fallen down the drainhole of shitty content and empty promises and has no intention of climbing out as long as they still make that bank? Seems counterproductive, because good representation gets good feedback and income. They pump out bad books with barebones "representation" if you can call it that, then drop their precious merch and pretend all is fine and dandy. But just as I suspected one year ago, none of this matters, because people forget things, and people move on, and shit gets swept under rugs. Yet, here I am, yelling at a company in a post I for sure doubt they'll see. Because if not me, then who?

@playchoices Your move. It's been your move for a year now. When will you actually make it?

#playchoices #choices stories you play

167 notes · View notes

vaicomcas · 2 years ago

Note

hi, i really like your posts! i really feel your bitter casgirlism. i don’t mean to seem nosy but i would love to know a little more about you, the blog owner, if that’s ok!

first, do you have a name we can call you? or is “vaicomcas” fine?

second, if you have a preference, what pronouns should we use for you?

third, would you be able to give a range for your age if you’re comfortable with that? (i’m a minor and i try not to follow people who are much older than me)

and lastly, do you happen to identify with the lgbt community in any way, or are you an ally?

i hope you don’t find these questions invasive, you don’t have to answer any or all of them if you aren’t comfortable doing so. i was just curious and thought i would ask and see. either way i hope you’re having a nice day and keep up the great analysis!

Hi! Thank you for liking my posts! I rarely get asks so this is very exciting!

Name-- yes you can call me vaicomcas. It means Vai com Cas, or go with Cas-- derived from a common goodbye greeting in Portuguese Vai com Deus (go with God), like saying Godspeed.

Pronoun-- I do not have a preference. She is most familiar to me.

Age--much much older than you. For Tumblr standards, I am as old as Cas. (but I am emotionally immature. I commend you for being selective about who you follow, very smart of you.)

Identity-- I don't know if I should call myself lgbt. I definitely consider myself an ally at least. irl I present as cishet. I never really analyzed my sexuality. Having been on tumblr for 7 months now I start to think I am likely aroace as kids today say. I identify most with unrequited love that's about it.

Thank you for the ask, and for being so nice! Hope you have a great day yourself.

#ask

3 notes · View notes

freddiekluger · 4 years ago

Text

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

205 notes · View notes

flodaya · 4 years ago

Note

Hey, so I wonder if you could maybe talk about wtfock s3 and why people say it was bad rep, I see a lot of criticism but I never see anyone explain why it was bad

originally I was going to tell you to go through my anti wtfock tag bc I have talked about his quite a lot before but I’m on a 2h train ride and have nothing to do so here i go (in no particular order)

1. milan - okay, here is the thing, milan is imo the best eskild adaptation when it comes to his relationship with zoe but the way he is written as a gay man is making me very uncomfortable and I am sure none of the writers have ever considered how a lot of is action look; he is in his mid 20s and has been portrayed to come onto minors not once but twice, also two minors who were clearly and visibly uncomfortable with his advances, this is making him look like the stereotype of the “predatory gay”, he tried to kiss Robbe in public knowing full well Robbe was in the closet and in s3 they tried to brush over it and had the audacity to make Robbe apologize to milan?? and the whole clip of milan flirting with moyo is written very badly, it’s both enforcing the predatory gay stereotype and the “every homophobe is secretly gay” cliche which just harms our community bc no, most homophobes are simply assholes who hate us for no reason, don’t excuse or try to explain their hatred by implying it’s self-hatred

2. the gay bashing - so I think with a lot of time between watching this scene live and getting called lots of insults by hardcore stans bc I criticized that decision publicly, i still hate it but I will say if they had wanted to really dive into violence against lgbt teens they could have, but in lots of other ways and with way more follow up clips and giving it a proper storyline with them actually ending up reporting these homophobes. I also think it was completely unnecessary to show the overhead shots of them lying presumed dead in the streets and then not following up with anything for hours, it was damaging and triggering in the worst way for a young queer audience, you can’t tell me that it was in any way cathartic for teens who went through something similar, if they had support immediately, like friends who protected them and showing them love and standing up for them it could have been a hopeful moment but this way it simply hurt and was for pure shock value, no I will not argue about this

3. the f slur and calling the first kiss sexual assault - unnecessary and just bad writing, again, for shock value! like honestly, having the main character call their love interest a homophobic slur is the most cishet writing decision ever, how the fuck do you come back from that? the whole Chernobyl conclusion was equally insensitive and simply too easily resolved.... like Robbe literally accused his love interest of sexual assault?? how did that not change their dynamic, why would sander trust and feel comfortable with Robbe immediately after again? why would they throw fake sexual accusations around like that right after a whole season about a girl getting sexually assaulted for real???

4. fetishizing of mlm characters - ok so pls watch druck’s queer sex scenes and compare them with Robbe and sanders and tell me there isn’t a clear difference. there is a way to portray teens being sexually active in a tasteful way with the message of consent, and then there is sexualizing teens having sex for the entertainment of a mostly female audience; honestly robsan’s first time was actually quite alright, it was a little awkward with the shoes and falling off the bed but the following two sex scenes are way more explicit than necessary. I am not a big fan of skamfr sex scenes but I definitely see that their attempts is to make it artsy, like mayla and the lights and elu and the paint, both ways that I personally think aren’t realistic and healthy ways of portraying sex between minors but it’s still way less fetishizing than robsan shower scene or the cyber sex scene. anyway kieutou and davenzi sex scene supremacy

5. dialing up the homophobia to 100 - the boy squad throwing around the f slur in s1 as if they were trying to reclaim it; I also really think there is something so ugly and sinister about the fact that they made moyo (the only black character!!) the most homophobic

6. The biphobia that no one wants to talk about, this fandom is so quick to call out the smallest panphobia but characters can literally give biphobic definitions of bisexuality and y’all are “suddenly i can’t read”

7. the girls squad literally hunting Robbe down for fun trying to out him in season 2 - it made me so uncomfortable, this storyline makes me uncomfortable in every version but wtfock just made it so much more aggressive......

8. jens - so he had a personality transplant between seasons, good for him, but even with his new non-homophobic personality he still isn’t the “bicon” that you all pretend he is; also I will forever hate his “so what” reaction to Robbe coming out, worst possible reaction you can have to your friend coming out, literally I will friendship break up with you if you give zero fucks about me trusting you enough to share such an important part of myself with you

9. Sander the serial cheater - hello!?? making your pansexual character cheat constantly is the worst, it’s enforcing such overused and harmful stereotypes about mga ppl

you can simply tell this was written by a cishet writers room. there is probably more but this is what I can remember from the top of my head, it really isn’t good queer rep. I’ve rewatched s3 a few weeks ago for some reason and I am assuming ppl who like robsan and s3 simply ignore 80% of the season bc yeah there are some good moments but they’re rare and with all the context it’s just a badly written season

#ask #anti wtfock #top three worst season of the skamverse 🥰#my posts

64 notes · View notes

sebastianshaw · 3 years ago

Text

Welcome to Munday! For new followers, on Munday sometimes I just post a bunch of personal things about myself and my life on Mun Monday like this, since it’s an appropriate day for it. I tag it “munday” and “mun monday” if you want to skip it! - I am honestly so in love with D’artagnan, I’m so glad I got him. He’s in my lap cuddling while I write this. - People are always talking about how everything in Australia wants to kill you because all they know is the spiders and snakes and sharks and saltwater crocs but there is also a TON of cute small animals no one talks about! Pademelons don’t want to kill you! Bilbys don’t want to kill you! Potoroos don’t want to kill you! Numbats don’t want to kill you! Bettongs don’t want to kill you! The abundant species of possums don’t want to kill you! Quolls would probably want to kill you but they’re not big enough so they don’t. - I saw someone post that there’s a big difference in how LGBT fans thirst for Lady Dimitrescu vs how straight fans do, how straight fans are all “mmm big tiddy mommy milkers step on me” and LGBT fans are all “I will love and cherish this woman and help raise her daughters”. . . . bruh, bullshit. I’m a full-ass homosexual woman and I want her to fucking sit on me with her massive dumper and choke me out like any pervy dude. And a lot of people in the notes, I am satisfied to say, was saying the same. Seriously, I get that LGBT people were misrepresented purely as perverts for so long, and often still are, but that doesn’t mean we’re all these wholesome pure angels devoid of carnality, sheesh. Whether or not you’re a nasty little sub like me thirsty for a mommy dom has nothing to do with orientation, and when you say “LGBT people aren’t like THAT” it’s honestly kinda damaging to those of us who ARE. Like, I’m not about to take it all personal-like, but there’s a lot of younger people already struggling with accepting their sexuality, now they’re hearing it’s wrong for an LGBT person to have kinks or overtly sexual feelings, come on. I don’t think this ONE POST is going to damage anyone on it’s own, but it’s part of this overall culture on Tumblr I see that says that “only gross dirty nasty cishets care about SEX ew not like the pure uwu queers who love on a deep ethereal level beyond the mere flesh” and like. . . yeah way to make teens struggling with sexual feelings feel even more isolated and weird and bad there. Let people be shamelessly thirsty for giant vampire mommy dommes, sheesh. - I’m watching this Turkish drama and I mentioned it to my mom, and she started talking about how there was a movie made “about a contemporary of mine” a young man from New York who went to Turkey and stole something from a mosque and got imprisoned with a life sentence and he met a Swedish boy in the jail and they become lovers and he escaped and I was just like WAIT WHOA WHOA YOU KNEW THIS GUY and she was like “well no but I felt like I knew him” when she watched the movie and they apparently like. . . .lived or went to school in the same area once. Mom. Mom that is NOT what a “contemporary” means, omfg. - The reason I’m watching a domestic drama, which is usually not my speed at all, is that I’m really into learning about different cultures, and for the past few years my focus has been Central Asia, Turkey, and Iran. I’ve always done this via academic-style research, articles and videos as well as reading firsthand accounts, such as Reddit AMAs, of people who live in those countries. But I read about this one, “Ethos”And while I’m sure a Turkish drama is no more realistic than an American one, I do think “Ethos” was a good one to pick because it focuses on people from MULTIPLE parts of Turkish society, from urban educated professionals to traditional rural poor people, a holy man and a woman vehemently opposed to headscarfs, a very rich playboy and a family struggling to get by, a woman dealing with severe mental illness, and apparently we’re going to get a closeted lesbian and a Kurdish family later too. So there’s a lot of diversity, not necessarily in the ethnic sense like you might look for in a US series but in terms of getting multiple perspectives of very different people in very different social strata that’s nonetheless all in or around Istanbul. -Also, I had been meaning to look up Azerbaijan for awhile, since like I said I’m focusing on that area of the world right now, and I finally got around to it yesterday. I learned about mud volcanoes, and that women got the right to vote there before they did in the United States! - I ran across this CLIP FROM FAMILY GUY and I was like “ha ha me” and then was like. . ..wait, that actually was me. I had to have a parapro with me at all times when I was in middle and high school due to my mental issues, and there was a period where my self-harming was so bad they had to go to the bathroom with me. And like. . ..holy shit, I’m doing so much better now. Took like 15 years but damn. I generally DON’T remember most of my pre-college life and I TRY NOT TO for obvious reasons, but in a weird way it was kind of HEARTENING to remember this to be like, wow, it did get better, I did get better. I really hope anyone reading this who is struggling with severe mental issues like I did, knows it can. And I know you don’t believe it right now because I didn’t, I know it’s impossible to convince you, I still kind of can’t believe it, but it CAN.

#munday #mun monday

8 notes · View notes

blessedarethebinarybreakers · 5 years ago

Note

So in several places it is talked about how in Romans Paul is condemning the exchange of natural relationships for unnatural ones and how it could very likely mean abandoning ones spouse in favor of someone of the same gender when you are not gay as going against your heterosexuality would be the unnatural thing. My question is what about bi people then? Are they saying it would be wrong to be in a same sex relationship with someone because you could be in a opposite sex relationship instead 1/2

2/2 or do you think that is just internalized biphobia at work? Ps. Thanks for the resources and stuff. It has helped a lot.

______

Hey there! Great question. For a TL;DR, i’m going to sum this post up by saying that according to that interpretation of Romans, a bisexual person is acting within their personal nature in a relationship with someone of their own gender or with someone of another gender. Thus it is not wrong to choose to be with someone of the same gender! Either is fine :)

Okay, now for my long-winded reply.

____________

The argument about “nature”

For anyone reading this post who is unsure what @crazynerdandproud is referencing, unless i’m mistaken they are talking about people like Matthew Vines in God and the Gay Christian and the creators of hoperemainsonline who respond to Christians who claim that Romans 1:26-27 condemns same-sex activity by arguing that no, Paul is not claiming that such sexual activity is unnatural for everyone. Before explaining that a little further, here’s Romans 1:26-27 –

“For this reason God gave them up to degrading passions. For even their females exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the males, leaving the natural use of the female, burned in their lust for one another, males with males committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.”

In a lecture he gave on “The Bible and Homosexuality,” Matthew Vines uses the viewpoint mentioned in this ask to explain his interpretation of what’s going on with this term “natural”:

‘The women, [Paul] says, “exchanged” natural relations for unnatural ones. And the men “abandoned” relations with women and committed shameful acts with other men. Both the men and the women started with heterosexuality—they were naturally disposed to it just as they were naturally disposed to the knowledge of God—but they rejected their original, natural inclinations for those that were unnatural: for them, same-sex behavior. Paul’s argument about idolatry requires that there be an exchange; the reason, he says, that the idolaters are at fault is because they first knew God but then turned away from him, exchanged Him for idols. Paul’s reference to same-sex behavior is intended to illustrate this larger sin of idolatry. But in order for this analogy to have any force, in order for it to make sense within this argument, the people he is describing must naturally begin with heterosexual relations and then abandon them. But that is not what we are talking about. Gay people have a natural, permanent orientation toward those of the same sex; it’s not something that they choose, and it’s not something that they can change. They aren’t abandoning or rejecting heterosexuality—that’s never an option for them to begin with. And if applied to gay people, Paul’s argument here should actually work in the other direction: If the point of this passage is to rebuke those who have spurned their true nature, be it religious when it comes to idolatry or sexual, then just as those who are naturally heterosexual should not be with those of the same sex, so, too, those who have a natural orientation toward the same sex should not be with those of the opposite sex. For them, that would be exchanging “the natural for the unnatural” in just the same way. We have different natures when it comes to sexual orientation.’

Vines goes on to discuss how our modern concepts of sexual orientation did not exist in Paul’s day and what that means for his argument, which i appreciate. You can everything he says about Romans 1:26-27 and its context in the link i made above the excerpt.

_____________

Bi people’s nature

So yeah to sum that up, for people who agree with Vines’ argument around Romans 1:26-27, a straight person abandoning their inherent orientation for a person of the same gender goes against their nature, and it follows that a gay person abandoning their inherent orientation for a person of the “opposite” assigned binary gender goes against their nature.

Vines does not take the time to keep going through all the various sexualities humans can have (as far as i know; perhaps he does somewhere that i’ve not seen), and i really wish he did. Because i agree with you, @crazynerdandproud – without it being explicitly stated, it might be difficult to extrapolate what someone like Vines thinks about a bisexual person’s nature – or an asexual person’s, or a person with any of the other numerous sexualities beyond homosexual and heterosexual.

But based on what he does say, i’m pretty sure that scholars who argue that Romans 1:26-27 can be interpreted as a condemnation not of all same-sex activity but of any individual going against their personal nature would say that bi people can be with someone of the same gender or another gender and still be acting within their own nature.

For a bi person, any option would be “the natural thing” – you can be with a man or a woman or nonbinary person and still be acting according to your own nature.

________

A same-sex relationship is just as good and holy as any other relationship

Here’s the final thing i wanna say at last!

In asking this question, i feel like you might still be struggling to unlearn an insidious message that society feeds all of us: that same-sex/LGBT/queer relationships are less valid, less legitimate, and otherwise inferior to cishet relationships / a relationship with one cis man and one cis woman. (Or you may have found a resource that implies this and don’t believe it yourself.)

i have heard people express support of gay people being in a same-sex relationship because “they don’t have any other options” / “they don’t have a choice”; while withholding support of bi people who are in a same-sex relationship because “they could choose to be in a straight relationship.” Pardon my french, but that’s total bullshit.

Just because a bi person “can” end up with someone of the opposite binary sex does not mean that they have to. Any relationship founded on mutuality and love can be affirmed by God and used to bear good fruit. Same-sex relationships aren’t “okay” just because the people in them “can’t help it” – they are good and holy because they cultivate love and respect and mutual support and growth!

i hope this helps! Let me know if i totally misinterpreted your question or forgot to answer part of it.

#romans 1 #romans 1 27 #crazynerdandproud #queerly christian asks #romans #clobber claims #nature #sexuality #bisexuality

47 notes · View notes

nonbinarypastels · 7 years ago

Text

About & FAQ Page

This page was last updated on July 31, 2018

About nonbinarypastels

This blog was created to combat REG (reactionary, exclusionist, gatekeeping) politics in the LGBTQIA+ community as well as other forms of harmful conservative rhetoric that’s become so common on tumblr through the spreading of positivity and information based posts. My goal for this blog is not only to validate and support LGBTQIA+ people (and people of all marginalized identities) but also to encourage people to be more accepting of others, more able to think critically about all issues, and more passionate about making a positive difference not only in their own lives but the lives of those around them.

What I post about

Positivity — Not only nonbinary positivity but positivity for all LGBTQIA+ identities and other people as well.

Social Justice/Politics

Mental Health/Mental Illness

Critical Thinking Skills

Fandom/Media

Miscellaneous Other Topics

If you’re only here for positivity

Please blacklist the #not positivity and #discourse tw tags.

Things you should know before you follow this blog

This blog is inclusionist. I believe that all aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. I’m also firmly against other exclusionary rhetoric that seeks to exclude any non-cishet (by which I mean non cisgender, heteromantic, AND heterosexual) group from the community.

This blog supports creative freedom and a safe fandom environment. I don’t care what kind of fiction people write/read or what they ship as long as all of their content is tagged properly and kept in appropriate spaces. While I think media criticism and having civil discussions about what we’re writing and reading and why is a good thing, I think the ‘anti’ community on tumblr totally crosses the line with their behavior which goes beyond legitimate media criticism and straight into cyberbullying and harassment.

This blog does not support radical feminism. Radical feminism is a harmful conservative movement that harms and attempts to control the lives of marginalized people. I do not support any form of radfem rhetoric.

This blog does not support trasnmedicalsim or truscum. These are groups that actively harm trans and nonbinary people by pushing reductionist, transphobic rhetoric and policing the identities of trans and nonbinary people.

This blog is queer positive. I will not censor the word queer or exclude queer people from this blog or the community.

Please do not send me messages

About any medical or life-threatening emergencies you might be having. I am not a doctor and cannot give medical advice and there’s also no guarantee I’ll be online when you send your message. If you’re in a life-threatening situation please contact the relevant local authorities (either 911 or your country’s equivalent) or get to a hospital immediately.

Calling out people I reblog from or who are reblogging from me about anything having to do with ships or fanfiction. As stated above, I don’t care what people ship or write/read as long as it’s properly tagged and not posted in inappropriate spaces. Any messages I get about “so-and-so ships ___” will be deleted.

About anything having to do with MAP discourse. I am a CSA survivor and am generally not comfortable discussing or reading about MAPs.

Telling me that a-specs “aren’t actually lgbt” or anything similar. You will automatically be blocked for being an aphobe.

Saying there are only two genders. You will automatically be blocked for being boring.

Asking me questions that have already been answered on this page. I made this FAQ for a reason. Any asks I get containing questions that I’ve already answered (or asking for definitions of terms that are listed in the glossary) will be deleted.

———————————————————————————— General Questions Do you have a question about what a certain term means?

Please check the glossary page to see if I have a definition already listed. If the term you’re looking for is not in the glossary, please feel free to send me an ask about it.

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/172930687066/glossary-page

Are you feeling down and need to be cheered up?

Please check the self care tag for posts you might find helpful.

http://www.nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/tagged/self+care

Why do you put image descriptions on your posts?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/165370079304/can-i-ask-why-you-provide-image-descriptions-i

Who is that in your icon?

Deadpool from Marvel comics

Icon by http://www.wadewicons.tumblr.com/

Do you take requests?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/172930396816/requests-page

Who are you/what is your main blog?

Considering how nasty I’ve seen discourse about the identities I’m trying to provide positivity for get and the things I’ve seen other blogs similar to this one having to deal with, I’m not comfortable disclosing the link to my main blog. I value my privacy and my safety and I hope my followers can respect that.

What are your pronouns?

Any pronouns other than it/itself are okay. I have no other preferences.

Are you a minor?

No.

Can people who aren’t nonbinary interact with this blog? Can cis people?

Anyone, nonbinary or not, is allowed to follow nonbinarypastels and reblog from us. Not only am I okay with cis people following this blog and reblogging from it, I 100% encourage them to do so. I think it’s important that not only do LGBTQIA+ people support ourselves and those who ID the same as us but that we support people of different identities and just as much I also think it’s vital for cis people to show that they support us. I think cis people reblogging positivity posts for people who aren’t cis is an excellent way to show that.

Can I interact with this blog if my blog is about ___?

I don’t care if your tumblr is 99% cute crayon drawings of pretty flowers or drawings of kinky furry porn, if you like the posts here or need them or want to spread the positivity with your followers I have no problem with you following + reblogging from this blog.

Can I share your posts on other sites?

Feel 100% free to share my posts on Twitter, Facebook, or other social media. Credit + a link back is appreciated but it’s not required. However, please do NOT upload my posts to sites such as redbubble, storeenvy, or other sites where you’ll be selling them to others.

Can I use your posts in moodboards/aesthetics posts?

Yes!

Where do you get the pictures for your image posts?

https://www.pexels.com/

http://www.unsplash.com

Why the pineapples?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168615228296/hello-ive-noticed-your-recent-posts-about

——————————————————————————- Call Me Out Would you like to tell me that the term ‘a-spec’ was stolen from autistics and that it’s problematic to use it to refer to ace/aro people?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/162255685756/hey-idk-if-you-were-aware-of-this-but-you-have-a

Would you like to tell me to stop including the ‘I’ in the LGBTQIA+ acronym?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161388049611/you-do-realize-that-like-a-lot-of-intersex-people

Would you like to tell me that butch and femme are lesbian-specific words and no one else has the right to use them?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169789232996/nonbinarypastels-since-i-keep-getting-anons-wrt

Would you like to tell me not to use queer as an umbrella term?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/165557176711/hey-uh-sorry-if-this-is-too-much-to-ask-but-dont

Why are you intolerant towards conservatives?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169509757921/being-an-intolerant-jerk-about-conservatives-and

—————————————————————————– Questioning Do you have tips for figuring out your gender identity?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160444273391/any-tips-to-give-to-help-someone-to-figure-out

Is it okay to use they/them pronouns if I’m still questioning my gender and might be cis?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/162316760041/i-feel-comfy-using-theythem-but-i-dont-know-if-im

I want to question my gender but I’m afraid I’m faking it all?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169375568051/hi-i-always-thought-i-was-a-cis-guy-but-ive

———————————————————————————– About Being Trans + Nonbinary Are nonbinary people trans?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160443055731/do-you-consider-nb-to-be-a-part-of-the-trans

Am I still agender if I have feminine interests/hobbies?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159863843416/i-identify-as-agender-but-i-also-like-girl

Can you be lunarian and agender?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159119628926/can-i-be-a-lunarian-agender-or-does-that-like

How do you deal with nbphobia?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161289280081/tw-transphobia-tw-ableist-slur-tw-r-word-do

What do I do if my friends are nbphobic?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161290197211/one-of-my-best-friends-is-a-radical-feminist-i

What’s the difference between being nonbinary and being a tomboy?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170485614676/im-having-a-mild-identity-crisis-whats-the

Can you be nonbinary and prefer she/her or he/him pronouns?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170449570882/hi-im-someone-who-identifies-as-non-binary-ive

Are nonbinary people to blame for trans people not being taken seriously?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/161287284091/how-do-you-respond-to-people-who-say-nbs-are-the

How do I deal with people saying nonbinary people are responsible for trans people being made fun of?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/167977849726/hey-i-got-some-really-messed-up-enbyphobic-anon

Is trans day of visibility for nonbinary people too?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159055092686/sorry-if-this-is-stupid-is-trans-day-of

Is there any proof there are more than two genders?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170985650804/sgaprivilege-sonoanthony-hatingongodot

Do you think it’s fetishizing for people to say they’re attracted to nonbinary people?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170815582801/whats-your-take-on-the-claim-that-mlnbwlnb-are

Am I still trans/nonbinary if I didn’t always know from a young age?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169845692030/hi-okay-so-im-trans-nonbinary-and-i-noticed-that

Am I still nonbinary if I never want to come out?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169159856571/can-i-still-be-nb-if-i-dont-plan-on-coming-out-to

How do I overcome internalized nbphobia?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169128988716/do-you-have-any-tips-on-overcoming-internalized

What can I call the nonbinary person I’m dating other than boyfriend/girlfriend?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/164729025088/hi-i-dont-know-if-you-guys-answer-questions-but

What’s your opinion on “there are only two genders” jokes?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169533948384/hey-i-was-wondering-if-you-might-be-able-to-give

Who is allowed to ID as nblm/nblw/nblnb? Do I have to have a certain alignment to ID with these terms?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/175370970607/hi-im-a-asexual-biromantic-agender-person-and

———————————————————————————- About Presentation + Dysphoria

Do you have any tips for dealing with dysphoria?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171870400516/urgent-im-a-non-passing-pre-everything-trans

What’s the difference between social dysphoria and body dysphoria?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171770067231/whats-the-difference-between-social-dysphoria-and

How can I write about trans/nonbinary characters who have dysphoria?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163261302706/hello-there-nonbinary-questioning-black-anon

How can I bind safely if I can’t afford to buy a binder?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160277656876/hello-i-came-here-because-i-wanted-to-ask-if-you

Do you have any advice about buying your first binder?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171412780521/advice-for-somebody-who-is-getting-their-first

How can I look more androgynous?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160850193236/do-you-have-any-advice-for-nonbinary-teens-who

Is it normal to want top surgery but not want to take T?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168600610588/is-it-normal-for-a-nonbinary-person-to-want-top

What can I do if I hate my voice?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169110950161/hey-i-am-non-binary-and-14-years-old-i-was

I want to change my hair but I’m afraid people will hate it?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/166569911301/hey-i-recently-came-out-as-non-binary-i-really

—————————————————————————— About Sexuality How can you be sex-repulsed without being asexual?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/159348049986/how-can-you-be-sex-repulsed-but-not-asexual

Can you be in a queerplatonic relationship if you’re not ace/aro?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171758800972/can-you-have-a-qpr-if-youre-not-acearo

What’s the difference between demisexuality and regular attraction?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160198336046/whats-the-differrence-between-demisexual-and-just

Is pansexuality transphobic/biphobic?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160201643591/hi-i-just-want-to-tell-that-i-heard-someone-say

Do bisexuals have straight-passing privilege?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163139939492/hey-there-i-was-wondering-if-you-can-help-me

Can you be asexual and still like masturbation?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171408739131/so-i-was-wondering-could-you-be-asexual-and

Can you be wlw and mlm at the same time?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171269548272/hi-im-confused-this-is-a-genuine-question-pls

Can you be nblw, nblm, and nblnb at the same time?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171158368762/i-identify-as-a-nblw-nblnb-and-nblm-is-that

How can lesbians use he/him pronouns?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170496057755/this-is-an-ignorant-question-so-i-apologize

What is the split attraction model?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169931000321/hello-i-was-reading-that-post-about-asexual-stuff

———————————————————————— About Coming Out

Are you looking for coming out tips and encouragement? Please check my coming out tag!

http://www.nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/tagged/coming+out

Is it okay to come out to my friends before my family?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160086167706/i-am-trans-and-came-out-to-one-of-my-friends-who

How do I explain being nonbinary to my parents when they just don’t get it?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168598203993/ive-accepted-im-nonbinary-and-my-parents-know

Do you have any advice for coming out as nonbinary?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171342286106/hey-any-advice-on-how-to-come-out-to-my-dad-as

How do I come out to my parents?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170782185301/hi-i-identify-is-non-binary-and-i-know-for-sure

How do I get my parents to use my name/pronouns and accept me?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/168598203993/ive-accepted-im-nonbinary-and-my-parents-know

——————————————————————————

Fandom & Fandom Discourse Related

What is an anti?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171868269706/what-is-an-anti-i-had-always-heard-that-anti

What have antis ever done wrong?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171966569929/shipping-isnt-morality-block-report-program

How can I deal with antis who are harassing me?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171974140371/hi-sorry-to-bother-you-i-was-looking-through

Do you support pedophilic ships?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170196527876/wait-you-support-pedophilic-ships-thats-gross

What’s your opinion about MAP discourse?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171209629491/so-what-do-you-think-of-maps-then-the-ones-who

If you’re not a bad person, why do you like bad things in fiction?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/164750728921/about-your-post-on-how-liking-certain-fiction

What is purity culture?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169710243376/do-you-know-whenhowwhy-purity-culture-started

What is your opinion on RPF?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/175123194126/i-wasnt-able-to-find-anything-on-your-blog-about

What is fujoshi discourse?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/174877862940/i-just-saw-someone-reference-fake-fujoshi-blogs

——————————————————————— Misc. How do you handle ignorance?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/160627538536/how-do-you-handle-ignorance-im-too-scared-to

What’s an invisible disability?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163099887223/hey-i-have-a-quick-question-whats-an-invisible

What is TERF/radfem rhetoric?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/169015697831/on-radfemreg-rhetoric

How do I know if I have an eating disorder?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171664946546/ed-tw-i-guess-mmmm-since-i-was-young-ive

What’s the difference between being squicked and being triggered?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/171341992144/um-so-ive-been-wondering-if-feeling-physically

How do you deal with bigots?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170516017459/exposure-to-identities-really-is-the-best-way-to

Why can’t someone be both anti-SWERF and anti-kink?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/170011993907/hey-quick-q-feel-free-to-ignore-but-i-had-a-post

When was gay used as a slur?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/166431435436/hello-i-just-saw-your-post-that-i-think-was-from

How do you find out about the free samples you post?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/163522947367/hey-this-isnt-about-anything-nonbinary-but-i-was

What is your opinion on self-diagnosis?

http://nonbinarypastels.tumblr.com/post/175045406707/what-are-your-thoughts-on-self-diagnosis-ive-been

#about page #faq page #mod post #long post

95 notes · View notes

toycarousel · 7 years ago

Note

unfortunately I have been bullied for being just that: straight. it's also a double standard to say heterosexual slang is only a joke; i wouldn't joke about your sexuality so why do that to me? plus people who said it were trying to hurt me. suicide isn't funny either and I worry because blogs like Witchgays encourages this behavior and is proud of it, they even said they actually do bully kids in their school for being straight so i'm lead to think that's what the world is coming to

Hi, Anon~! I have no idea what this is in reference to. :’) I don’t know or follow witchgays, I don’t have a clue as to who you might be, and I haven’t talked about bullying against straight people or LGBT+ people in approximately 4 years, in addition to having never -- not once in my life -- encouraged other people to commit suicide.

So, I’m led to assume that either you sent this to bait me, because you subconsciously thought “here’s a gay dude I can use as a representative of all lgbt+ ppl,” OR (and I’m going to give you the full benefit of the doubt here) you saw a comment of mine somewhere, and thought that I meant something completely different by it than what I truly did, which is fair, and happens a whole lot. ***Then there’s the 3rd option, which is that you meant to send this to someone else who was actually part of the conversation you’re referencing in your ask.

Regardless, because I haven’t spoken, in depth, about this issue in over 4 years, and my stances have changed and developed since then, I’m totally happy to share my current feelings about this. I’m hoping it’ll put you a bit at ease too, along with other people (of all genders and sexualities) who follow me~!!!

I’m going to start by saying that I do, in fact, believe that straight people can be bullied for being straight. I do not think they can be societally oppressed for being straight (they can in other ways, of course, but not specifically for being straight). To be perfectly clear -- it’s not a competition, and I’m not saying that because a group of people aren’t oppressed that it’s okay to treat them badly; the differences between bullying, discrimination, bias, prejudice, and oppression are just that: differences in meaning. And it’s important to know these differences so that we can communicate them to each other.

Being bullied is an extremely severe issue, and the main reason I bring up social oppression here is because folks get the two mixed up a lot, and oftentimes, when they’re told they’re not oppressed for being straight/white/male/cisgender/wealthy/etc., they think that means that you’re saying that their lives have been perfect, and that they couldn’t possibly be hurt, or bullied, or discriminated against due to the things listed above. Which isn’t true. Anyone can be bullied and/or discriminated against for any reason. Like, I could discriminate against all people with green eyes, or all tall people, and while that doesn’t mean that ppl with green eyes or tall people are oppressed, it doesn’t mean that bullying them solely for something outside their control would be okay.

To be oppressed simply means that our current (western/ized) society as a whole is not designed (and was never designed) to benefit the social group a person belongs to. It refers to the very fabric of society -- not to individual bad treatment between people.

Discrimination refers to something similar, but on an individual basis rather than a societal one~! Individuals can discriminate against anyone, for any reason, as I stated above -- and yes, that includes for being straight. One example of discrimination could also include bullying someone for belonging to a specific group of people.

I know to a lot of folks that all seems like pure semantics, and, again, the reason it’s important to have different words for these things is because they are different things. That doesn��t mean that bullying and discrimination aren’t bad, though.

So, with regard to bullying against straight people, while it’s more rare to see people being bullied for being part of the “majority” within a society, it does happen, and I acknowledge that.

As for my personal stances on the things you specifically referred to in your ask, Anon, I do not believe it is okay to bully random straight people for being straight. I don’t think it’s “okay” to bully anyone. And I have personally met LGBT+ people who are very bitter, jaded, and cruel because of the oppression, bullying, discrimination, bias, prejudice, etc., that they have experienced. So I get where they’re coming from (being a gay man myself), but I don’t believe it’s an excuse for taking that pain out on other people for no reason other than the fact that they have not faced that exact same pain. And I do not believe that suicide-baiting or encouraging people to kill themselves is okay under any circumstances.

To summarize, yes, I know that bullying against people belonging to dominant social groups occurs, and I don’t feel that it’s okay. I don’t feel that it helps genuinely improve our individual lives as LGBT+ people, and I think it’s spiteful and unnecessary. I’ve been disappointed in a lot of other LGBT+ people that I used to idolize after seeing them suicide-bait others and actively bully individuals based on nothing more than the fact that they’re not LGBT+ themselves.

As a side note though, I’m a gay man. I don’t know what it’s like to be a lesbian, a trans person of colour, asexual, or the myriad of other people who fall under the LGBT+ acronym. I’m not going to tell them how to feel. I, personally, do not think that bullying is acceptable or effective. I understand why some LGBT+ people avoid/distrust straight people, but not why a few of them actively seek to hurt complete strangers.

So, for full transparency, that’s my current perspective. As a final note, I truly have no idea what you mean by “heterosexual slang” (the phrase which originally led me to think that this was just a baiting ask). What is heterosexual slang??? Slang just means “shortened language,” so is slang even a bad thing, depending on how it’s being used? Literally the only forms of shortened language I’ve ever seen used for straight people are the words “straight,” and “cishet,” and neither of them are derogatory. They’re literally just shorthand terms for longer words and phrases.

The only “slang” word that comes to mind that is derogatory, and is sometimes used for straight people (though I’ve personally more often seen it used against bisexual people within LGBT+ communities) is “breeders.” And that’s a disgusting term to use for sure. Besides that, I’m completely bewildered as to what you’re referring to.

Anyway, I hope that at least clears up my own stance -- if anyone has any questions as to what I mean by certain things I wrote, wants more context/examples, then I welcome an open dialogue. If I receive any asks that are just straight-up abusive in nature, I’ll be ignoring and deleting them.

Best of wishes to everyone, including victims of bullying who are LGBT+ or straight. If you’re just a random person living your life and you’re not purposefully perpetuating harm against others, remember that you don’t deserve to be bullied, and you certainly don’t deserve to be told to kill yourself. Take a step back from the people on the internet (and offline) who make you feel like you don’t have the right to be treated like a person, and especially remove yourself from circles of people who make you feel like you don’t have the right to live.

#hopefully none of this comes across as hostile because I'm actually not feeling so in the least -#sexuality #bullying #lgbt #straight #discrimination #suicide baiting mention -#biphobic slurs -#gender mention -#ask to tag -#anons #scotchasks

7 notes · View notes

spinnerprincess · 7 years ago

Text

happy ace awareness week

i think you’re all probably aware that i’m ace by now, i mention it from time to time, but in case you’re not... heyyyyyy

you can find a lot of ace resources around, teaching you about asexuality, what it means, etc. i’ve been personally appreciating the hell out of lyd’s comics on the subject, the most recent of which is here.

this post isn’t for that. this post is for being aware of where i’m at regarding being ace. i would appreciate it if you read it.

hashtag lgbt/ace discourse ahead.

it’s been a weird year for me. a lot of good things have happened, and so have a lot of bad things. dealing with my asexuality has fallen into both categories.

when i first encountered the term asexuality and adopted it for myself it was a very different time. i had made a friend who was ace. without going into detail, they were a little older than me, and were dealing with the aftereffects of a bad relationship where they felt harrassed and later assaulted by a partner. so i came into it with the full awareness that being ace could be rough and cause discrimination, etc.

but honestly, in some ways, it was an easier time. back in 2011 asexuality felt less visible, but where it was visible, it was accepted pretty freely. some conversations around terms like “allosexual” began cropping up around them. i think i navigated them fairly well, and i learned a lot, and with everything i learned i grew surer that being ace was both a term that made me feel validated and comfortable, and the word that best defined my gender/sexuality experience.

the worst thing i had to deal with was people who hated “aces prefer cake” jokes and the occasional “stop calling yourselves aces you’re not playing cards” which, meh, it’s just a cute shortening. i love it. didn’t stop then, won’t stop now. you couldn’t pay me to go back to a time when i thought sherlock was worth any attention (i at least didn’t fuckin ascribe to a lot of the shit like “oh he’s ace/aro and it excuses his bullshit” haha fuck off.). but. boy. sometimes i miss it.

this past year or two, it’s been shitty. first we had the tail end of the “queer” discourse. i understood some viewpoints coming out of that, but ultimately settled on feeling like it the people arguing to remove it from the lexicon were wrong. i think there’s some valid points to be made, but mostly found the whole argument tiresome. Let people call themselves what they want, and don’t use it for people you don’t know like it, or for the whole community. Done.

and if I’m a little more hesitant to use it for myself, if i once described myself as queer freely and happily, and now do so nervously, backspacing it out of the text once or twice, that’s... something i hope to overcome.

but boy oh boy did that discourse just dovetail right into my personal hell. the kind of people who don’t want to see the community expanded, who want to stay on top and exclude people who aren’t being their kind of gay, immediately dug their claws into that argument about “queer” and didn’t stop.

i’ve endured months and months of ace discourse now and it’s... it’s been exhausting. i’m not even directly involved in it, but it’s still there. it’s constant. it’s insidious.

what started as a counter argument of “queer is a great as a blanket word for people with complex identities, such as ace people” dove directly into “well, are ace people lgbt?” and didn’t stop. suddenly it was the topic of the season. early definitions said “yes” or “if they think they are.” more arguments. “well, heteroromantic aces aren’t lgbt,” became popular. i can see why. that kind of invisible distinction could play well into pretending you’re straight, after all - right? so went the discourse. ugh.

as that argument caught on, people with anti-ace agendas pushed it further. “so being ace alone doesn’t make you lgbt.” “kids can’t identify as ace, that’s sexualization.” “cishet aces just want to steal our resources.”

i don’t want to go into all of these but. boy. some of them were presented logically, kindly. others devolved quickly into “aces are the worst and can die,” “ace people don’t belong full stop,” and even “lol look at me i’m a tumblrina i’m 13 years old asexual fictkin special snowflake” as the punchline of jokes that spread outside of this site.

some ace people are assholes and of course stirred the pot more by being overtly bitter/turning things into oppression olympics type bickering over how aces have the worst, or whatever. some blogs people cited for examples of “terrible ace people co-opting lesbian stuff” or whatever else were literally from sockpuppet blogs making fun of ace people.

for a time, i even bought into some of it. i thought some of the early arguments, that heteroromantic aces shouldn’t be considered lgbt, might have valid points. but you know what? that’s bullshit. if you believe you belong, you should be welcomed with open arms. hetero aces experience some of the same shit i do. they probably also experience other shit. just because i don’t know what it is, or it’s different from mine, doesn’t mean it isn’t an alienating, and perhaps even queer, experience. their sexuality, as nuanced as it is, still sets them apart and they deserve support. we all do.

it sucks to think that this shitty shitty discourse had me believing in a position that invalidated my own experience of aceness being the source of much of my queer experiences, for a while.

all this to say nothing of the invisible hate seeping towards aromantic people as well, lolololol. it’s not a big part of me the way being ace is but i’m probably somewhere on the aro spectrum and. great. thanks. i’m still so tired of split attraction model arguments. if it works for you, use it. if it works for other people, let them use it. is it so hard to believe that some people might experience things differently to you? or differently to how you would imagine? god.

my favorite part is when allo people started saying “allo is a slur!!!” when, get this: allosexual was pushed for and partially created by allo people who (rightly) didn’t want to be called “sexual,” like poc, and rape survivors. ace people adopted it into their language for their benefit, not for ours, lololololol

so. that’s the year i’ve been dealing with. i’ve had to unfollow a number of people i thought were otherwise cool over this. i haven’t gone a single month without finding someone i think is amazing, reading through their blog, and discovering with a sense of nausea that they would hate me. genuinely hate me. there’s no love there. someone who says “u shouldn’t follow me if you think ace people are lgbt lol” isn’t interested in hearing and believing my stories, my experiences, my life which is hard and queer and as deserving of support as anyone’s. they aren’t interested in treating me like a person. that’s... i mean, i think that counts as hate. yeah.

i still hesitate on the word aphobia, or, similarly, biphobia. i don’t know if it’s the right way to describe it, when the hatred you refer to comes from within a similar group of people with oppressed sexualities. i wouldn’t hesitate to say post from an allosexual person in favor of in corrective rape w/r/t ace people are aphobic. i wouldn’t hesitate to say a straight person who thinks bi people are disgusting is a biphobe.

but is that reality talking, or is it just me being unable to acknowledge that oppression is oppression, fear and hate are fear and hate, and discrimination towards aces, which i’ve spent the last two years being told isn’t real, despite experiencing it on a regular basis both in and out of community?

what’s the line between discrimination and oppression? if people’s everyday biases make it harder for ace people to live their lives, is there a point in determining that line?

i fuckin dunno. i’m so tired. i’ve spent a long year feeling like i’ve shrunk myself. i feel more comfortable lately talking about fictional ladies and my attraction to them, which isn’t sexual, and isn’t exactly romantic, but it’s... it’s something that exist. just recently i became comfortable feeling like i can use the term “wlw” for myself, which i fought myself for a long time on. being ace, being quietly non-binary were both things that felt like obstacles.

and the wlw community is just full of toxicity still. terfs have grown and drawn others to their ideologies, some of them using anti-ace tactics to do so, others using tried and true biphobic messaging and of course, who could forget the constant hammering of “trans women aren’t women” bullshit they like to pull.

so that’s one triumph of the year. i’m nb, i’m wlw, i’m ace. i can say those three things and feel pretty comfortable in it.

i just wish it didn’t also come at costs. i find it harder to express my ace life. i find it harder to feel positively about it. i don’t have the energy to deeply deal with ace headcanons lately. it feels like the online world is hyperaware of us now, if anything. everybody has an opinion. moreover, people feel entitled to an opinion, in a way they weren’t before. people feel like it can be their opinion that my ace experiences aren’t lgbt, or that my sexuality doesn’t exist or even harms theirs, or... i don’t know. what will be the next big reason asexuality is terrible/invalid/not lgbt?

if you bothered to read or hell just skimmed this long post... thank you.

thank you.

i know i’ve been quiet about a lot of this. not all the time, but a lot of the time. i feel bad about that, a little? i want people to know what this looks like. knowing asexuality exists is so, so good. but knowing that ace people are facing right now, the movement of hatred that has swept across pockets of lgbt people in recent years, and having the awareness to try and combat it...

it would mean a lot to me, if it felt like more of that could exist.

6 notes · View notes

natural--blues · 7 years ago

Text

Before I start this post, I’m going to clarify that is is a problem in general. This is targeting nobody, but if you think this post is aimed at you, you might want to think about your behavior.

I always find it amazing when someone trips over themselves to excuse their homo/bi/trans/acephobia with “concern”.

It’s not that they have problems with a queer character, oh no, they just would rather not have one and are so put out by the thought because they’re concerned, on our behalf, that the writers might not create a compelling, accurate representation of us. So, to them, it’s clearly better to go the cishet route. They don’t hate us, in fact they super support us and are just protecting us, is all!

PHEW! Saved those queer people a lot of heartache through incorrect representation by making sure they have none. Not all superheroes wear capes, etc.

My question is two pronged, to those people. Let’s start with the first one: Do you think we’re naive enough to believe that there isn’t a high chance of problematic storylines and misrepresentation? Do you think we don’t understand?

We do.

We crave three dimensional, complex, realistic representation but we also know that we have to deal with times when the representation is going to be problematic, and we’ll need to critique, and bring out our concerns, and try our best to push writers into a more realistic direction -- that some need to be educated away from stereotypical characterization and lean toward creating complex characters who are people, people who are also queer. Who go through drama that isn’t always and only about their sexuality or gender identity, who are treated as a serious character, a lead character, whose storyline, thoughts, and feelings matter, more than just being there to garner viewership from a thirsty community followed by death, suffering, and sidelining due to queer identity. Especially if it’s out of shock value, or to benefit the cishet chars for an emotional journey. Miss us with that, seriously.

Similarly, miss us with our only existence being to prop up and prepare the cishet for their straight relationship, or for feel-good moments where we do all of the emotional labor for a cishet person that their romantic partner should be doing, due to heteronormative gender roles making active communication impossible in the straight relationship. There’s a difference between being a best friend with whom you share everything and come to for your problems, and being the poodle in a purse gay that only comes out when you need sassy advice.

We crave good representation.

Of the 895 series regular characters expected to appear on broadcast scripted primetime programming in the coming year, 43 (4.8%) were identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer. This is the highest percentage of LGBTQ series regulars GLAAD has ever found. There were an additional 28 recurring LGBTQ characters.

The number of regular LGBTQ characters counted on scripted primetime cable series increased from 84 to 92, while recurring characters decreased from 58 to 50. This is a total of 142 LGBTQ characters, regular and recurring.

GLAAD also counted LGBTQ characters on original series that premiered on Amazon, Hulu, and Netflix. GLAAD found 45 series regulars and 20 recurring LGBTQ characters for a total of 65 characters. This is up from last year's inaugural streaming count of 59 LGBTQ characters (43 regular and 16 recurring).

The number of regular and recurring transgender characters across all three platforms tracked has more than doubled, from seven characters last year to 16. There are three trans characters counted on broadcast, six on cable, and seven on streaming original series. Of the 16 characters, four are transgender men.

Lesbian representation dropped dramatically on broadcast television, down 16 percentage points to 17% of all LGBTQ characters. Lesbian representation is also down on cable, to 20% from 22% reported last year.

Bisexual representations on broadcast rose to 30%, up by ten percentage points from last year. Bisexual representations also rose on streaming series, from 20% to 26%. However, cable series have dropped in bisexual representations from 35% to 32%. Bisexual women far outnumber bisexual men on every platform. Many of these characters still fall into dangerous stereotypes about bisexual people.

Each platform tracked (broadcast, cable, streaming) counts one character who is HIV-positive, though only broadcast television counts the character as a series regular (Oliver on ABC's How to Get Away with Murder).

Cable and streaming platforms still need to include more racially diverse LGBTQ characters as a majority of LGBTQ regular and recurring characters on each platform (72% and 71% respectively) are counted as white. Overall racial diversity is up again with 36% (325) of 895 series regular characters on broadcast counted as people of color, which is a three-point increase from last year's report.

While this year's report marks a record-high percentage of black series regulars on broadcast (20%), black women remain underrepresented at only 38% of all black series regular characters.

GLAAD found a record-high percentage of series regular characters with disability on broadcast television at 1.7% of all series regulars, this is up from the 0.9% reported last year.

This year, 44% of regular characters on primetime broadcast programming are women, which is an increase of one percentage point from last year but still greatly underrepresents women who make up 51% of the population.

Do you get that? These percentages, for the LGBT people, are percents of the 4.8%.

We’ve put up with subtext, side characters, and zero screentime since the invention of television. Since plays. Since reading by the fireplace or by candlelight.

We crave representation, and a place of improvement is a better place to start than just never trying.

A queer character comes into a series as an actual character and it brings the gaggles of gays like nobody’s business. We have so little to pull from in widespread, mainstream media. When is the last time you saw a movie in theaters that was a same sex romance, where the story was literally all about that, with straight side characters, and it got as high billing and viewership as whatever romcom with big star names Hollywood craps out this year?

It’s like Field of Dreams. If you build it, we will come. We will squeal. We will watch it, hoping against hope for the character to at least end the series alive, hopefully with a happy ending.

Why would you want to rob us of the happiness of a large-billed character, or series, or movie, or anything where we’re represented? How do you call yourself an ally and legitimately want this?

Secondly, do you think we’re stupid?

Let me back this up with real talk here. You may have seen lots of jokes on tumblr about how gay people travel in packs and herds and the like... it’s fucking true. When you’re trying your best to grandstand in public about how concerned you are for our well-being, but in private you try to silence and malign queer people and think those queer people don’t tell each other that you have to be naive. Similarly, reading big grandstand posts about how concerned a cishet is on our behalf and why they just would rather a queer character not exist literally tells us what a phobe you are. You’re just worried? You just want to protect us, by removing our representation before these shows, films, or seasons even come out? You know, to be a good ally and defend us?

There’s a difference between legitimate concern based on problematic writing of queer characters in the past and new shows and movies coming out now with new writers, or shows and movies coming with writers who have no problematic pasts with queer characters that have you and your concerntrolling lot clutching your pearls on our behalf.

When you turn all of the attention onto yourself and your feelings, as a cishet, you are not being an ally.

Don’t worry, your concerntrolling wasn’t allyship either. So that’s 0/2 already. But then we hit strike three when you see queer voices bringing up excitement for these shows and making posts about how thrilled they are, and that if you aren’t into it to straight up miss them -- and you take personal offense and turn it around to be all about you and your “ally” feelings.

In the end, I suppose, this fit serves its purpose. The queers are cast in a nasty light for not being grateful that their all-star ally was so worried for them, and the “ally” gets backpats and reassurance. Cue also, the comments about how if queer people want to get anywhere, they need their cishet allies and should be nicer and more understanding. Tone policing and shunning happens too.

Part of why we get so upset, and angry, and hurt by that is because you called yourself an ally. Maybe you were a friend of queer people. It’s a betrayal. It’s a reminder of the fact that cishets have that privilege, when they start acting like they’re the victim when they hurt us and we tell them. How we’re expected to coddle, handhold, and beg in our sweetest customer service voices for support. How we have to bend into yoga expert positions to try to act in a way that won’t upset them so much they no longer want to give any support at all. How we can’t vent to them, on the off chance they get offended, or hear ‘ugh straight people’ and start defending themselves.

It’s a great big fucking reminder of how little our relatioships, thoughts, stories, and even lives matter to cishets when the thought of one character, or series, or movie being queer or mostly about a queer character and story turns them off. No matter what excuses are made, if you think queer people haven’t heard it all before and can’t read between the lines, you’re completely wrong.

“But I was just being a good ally!”

#lgbt+ representation

18 notes · View notes

being-demisexual · 7 years ago

Note

Hi^-^ I'm so confused by the asexual discourse.What is their problem?I identify as demisexual heteroromantic.All over my dash I see people's argumentation that heteroromatic people are technically straigth and condemning cishets for existing?Why do people reject these identities so violently?I always felt out of place near the lgbt community for what I identify as never wanting to do anything but support their causes. The things said make me feel awful for what I am. How do I deal with this?

The problem, I think, is a lack of understanding and insecurity in their own identities. Generally, when people don’t understand something, they treat whatever it is with hostility and anger. Instead of seeking to look through other view points, or even simply accepting that they can never truly understand what it is like to be ace if they are not ace, they lash out. I think it also comes from a place of insecurity in their own identities. When the world is constantly telling you that you are wrong, people tend to find another group of people to blame. It’s just the same as your stereotypical bullies in school: they are insecure about something or have a lack of control over the world around them and instead of working through their problems in a healthy way, they attempt to control and belittle a certain group/type of people (or even just a particular person) to feel more secure in themselves and establish control where they otherwise have none.

While I understand that exclusionists are largely just bullies who don’t understand and don’t care to in favor of attempting to feel better about themselves, it doesn’t excuse their actions. There are other, far more healthy and less destructive ways, to address the problems one may be having. Truth be told, I also feel out of sync with the lgbt+ community. I know logically most people are not like this website, but it still hurts.

One way to deal with this is investing in something like a tag blocker. I think (?) it’s free to download or something and it can help filter tags that you don’t want to see. You can blacklist words like ace discourse, aphobe, exclusionist, etc. I would also suggest blocking blogs that try to interact with you or your posts. I know I personally blocked a ton of people who tried to comment nasty things on my positivity posts. It prevents their comments from being viewed by me, it prevents them from interacting with any of my other posts, and it prevents me from seeing them in any way, shape, or form on my dash. Another suggestion is not to go into the tags. People have a nasty habit of making posts that degrade aspec people and tagging them to make sure they appear in the tags (yes, even the positivity tags). So find a few blogs that you trust to not post things related to discourse and follow them. Some people are okay going into the tags despite all the negativity, some aren’t.

Another thing to be aware of is a phenomenon called gaslighting. There’s lots of information about it on the interwebs. Basically, what it boils down to, is that abusers and oppersors attempt to make the person they are gaslighting question their own reality. Unfortunately, this happens a lot to ace people (and I think, to a larger extent, demi people). People say things that try to make you question the validity of your own orientation. Things like “you’re basically straight” or the infamous “cishet aces blah blah blah.” Both of these attempt to make aspec people feel as though they don’t belong or are no different than straight people, when there are actually many differences. I think being aware of gaslighting can help people recognize when it’s happening and make it less effectual. If you feel comfortable with it, I highly suggest looking up ways to combat the effects of gaslighting so if the odd post floats across your dash, you have a healthy way of filtering it’s effects.

TL;DR: aphobes are nothing more than bullies who are insecure in themselves and try to establish control over others because they don’t have any themselves. Get a tag blocker and blacklist terms related to discourse to help filter posts. Also block blogs that try to start things with you or your posts. Be aware of the effects of gaslighting ace people and do your best to remind yourself that you are real and your identity is real.

I hope this helps! Good luck, and be excellent!

#answered #discourse warning #i think this is important for people to know #because i don't want any of you to have to deal with people if you don't want to #stay safe everyone!

22 notes · View notes

saotome-michi · 7 years ago

Note

if a cishet ace is including themselves in the community, its because they feel like they belong, and i wanna know who will tell this person that the lgbt cause is not their fight too, that lgbt is not their people. i wanna know who will tell them they dont belong w the lgbt community but w the people w whom they dont feel comfortable talking abt their identity, people who will try to fix whats not broken, people who'll sooner treat them as a child or a plant or an attention-seeking prude. [2/4]

im in the ace spectrum (ive been identifying as demisexual but Things have led me to question whether im not closer to being straight up ace), and i have a hard time defining romantic attraction, but ive been leaning towards panromantic. well, if im a panromantic ace, then the community is waiting for me w open arms. but what if i end up settling for heteromantic? well, according to these people, ‘u cant sit w us’. [¾]

apparently, being ace is not enough. even though, when straight people ask me my orientation, i dont feel safe enough to explain. i expected people in the lgbt community to be the ones who would understand me, understand others like me. but in this current climate, it just feels like we dont belong anywhere. (sorry for the venting, ur one of the only blogs i follow that speaks up on ace exclusion and ur nice so im not (that) scared of talking to u lol. i hope ur having a nice day ♥) [4/4]

Hi anon ☺️ unfortunately it seems like your first ask got eaten up by tumblr but I think i still got the gist of your message and I understand. It’s as you say: Cis heteromantic aces who want to be part of the lgbt community usually have a reason for wanting to whether its because of the mental stress they undergo worrying about their orientation, the constant misunderstandings and abuse they face from ppl who don’t understand or just plain hate asexuality, their experiences going against heteronormativity, etc. And its lacking compassion to say “no you don’t belong here”.

And the thing here is that, are there aces and aros who do or say shit in lgbtq spaces that aren’t excusable? Yes. But this literally applies to people of any other orientation(s)and gender identity(ies) as well because we all have the capability to fuck up. And yet an exclusionist’s response to this is, instead of focusing on educating ppl so that there are less of these fuck-ups, to completely exclude aspec ppl, basically saying that aspec itself as an identity is “problematic” which honestly just…fuck you

Luckily RL =/= Tumblr discourse. I don’t know where you live, so your situation might be different, but at least the main lgbtq orgs in the US, China, and Japan do recognize and accept aspecs. Since few people really understand it though, you will always have people asking you about asexuality and it can get overwhelming (like me whenever I have to explain what gray-romantic means). But this is a sign that things are slowly turning around so hold on there anon!!

I’m glad that you feel comfortable venting to me about this, so feel free to vent in the future. Hope you have a nice day too!

#replies replies replies #a discourse

4 notes · View notes

sure-to-lure-someone-bad · 7 years ago

Note

i've been following you for a long time and you seem like a pretty rad person, but i just cannot deal with the ace discourse stuff. sorry, but it took me a long time to accept my identity, to the point where i still hate myself for being the way i am, and i'm getting really sick of people telling me i don't belong in the LGBTQIA+ community JUST because my experiences weren't the same. i'm sure you're a cool person, but i'm not sticking around for this

Hey, do whatever’s best for you, okay? I don’t blame you for feeling overwhelmed by everything happening here, and I usually avoid posting Ace discourse tbh. It’s not really something I like to talk about because I know there’s a lot of emotions and feelings on the subject.I definitely don’t want anyone to feel like they aren’t welcome in the LGBT+ community, and I think ace/aro people are completely valid and exist. I’m still forming an opinion on the discourse myself. Honestly though, I was a bit upset today. A lot of the facebook LGBT+ groups I’m in have become overrun with this discourse, and someone asked me to stop talking about my wlw relationship in one because they’re sex and romance repulsed.

Idk, but it seriously sucked to feel like one of the only places I could talk about my relationship were taken away from me. I’m not allowed by my family to be out on FB publicly, and none of them are willing to let me talk about it. So yeah I was a bit salty today.

Honestly though, I do have a bit of a weariness with cishet aces/aros in the community. Like. Every item in the media still caters to them. They still benefit from the system of oppression LGBT+ people face. They still don’t face a lot of the problems LGBT+ people face.I think that the idea of “oppression olympics” is ridiculous. This isn’t a race for whoever has the most experience with being marginalized. However, it feels unfair that I have to open up spaces I considered safe for myself to straight people (even if they aren’t like a lot of other straight people). I’m sorry, but straight aces/aros are never going to face the problems the rest of the LGBT+ community faces.

They’re never going to fear holding their girlfriend’s hand in public. They’re never going to be faced with the thought “Is this facebook status too gay?”. They’re never going to be ostracized and hated for being in love.

They still have their own problems though. Society pressures people to have sex, it pressures people (women especially) to fall in love and get married, and it treats the people who don’t abide by these ideas as wrong and like trash.

I find these to be two completely separate issues though. The first, the goal is to not get murdered for being in love and to push for more rights that allow that love to bloom. It also has the goal of pushing for more rights and acceptance for other gendered people and transgender individuals. The main goal being more rights and acceptance.

The second, the goal is to change society’s view. Rights don’t really have a part in it to me. Straight asexual/aromantic people already have rights. Now the goal is to have society accept them as valid and change the societal pressures surrounding sex and romance.

Being asexual or aromantic on its own (without being LGBT+ romantic or sexual) doesn’t fit being in the LGBT+ community, to me. That doesn’t make the identity less valid, though. It also doesn’t exclude anyone from LGBT+ safe spaces. If we let allies in, why would we exclude anyone else?

Being asexual/aromantic is real and faces its own issues. I’m not here to debate on your right to exist or feel the way you do. I completely apologize for any distress I’ve caused you or my other ace/aro followers.

I hope you’re doing well, and you don’t have to follow me to message me if you need to, okay? I’m still here with open arms and ears.

((Anyone reading this, please do not reblog this. I’m really not wanting to be dragged into this discourse. I really don’t want to end up turning anon off in the future from death threats or whatever))

#anon ask #do not reblog

5 notes · View notes

cerullos · 8 years ago

Note

You don't have to answer. Reading the responses to that reblog about ace struggles made me really sad. The way you talk about the ace thing in general makes me sad. And I really like you, actually. I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. And a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist. Ad infinitum. This doesn't have to be the oppression olympics. Intersectionality is the only way out of this mess.

And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence. Is that as bad as being electrocuted? No. But is that the point here? Why say that? Why amplify that kind of divisive message? We just want to belong somewhere. You can believe this or not, but we’re dying here. The LGBT community has been the only safe place I’ve known my entire life. To figure out years later that I was labeling..

myself wrong? It was the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever experienced. It still is. It’s like we don’t exist. One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.

Straight people see us simply as gay, and treat us that way. So we’re getting electrocuted too. Sexual, gay people tell us we’re ‘cis/het’ liars trying to steal their community. So we have no safe space. We can’t find partners. Our friends, family, and fellow LGBT ppl don’t understand us or even believe in our existence. We are constantly questioning out own existence. I don’t mean to flood you. I realize that’s what I’m doing. But I’ve seen this kind of post coming from your direction a few…

times now. And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly. You’ve got a lot of followers. And being ace has made me full on suicidal in the past. So just. Think about it. Gay ace is a real thing. Can you see how you might have…

privilege over a person like that? everyone in my life sees me as gay. I fall in love with women. and yet here we are. can’t you see how I might want to be in your shoes? At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.

Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.

okay, this is long but i’m going to try to keep my answers as succinct as possible. i don’t know if this was your intention, but elements of this message feel vaguely guilt-tripping, despite the fact that none of what you’ve mentioned here presents an argument i haven’t already seen and strongly disagreed with.

“ I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist […] This doesn’t have to be the oppression olympics. ”

two things: one, you’re referring to lateral aggression in every instance but the first. what i mean by lateral aggression is that it occurs between two people–within the same community–who experience oppression along different axes (e.g. a straight trans person and a cis gay person). in contrast, a cis straight ace man who engages in homophobia and/or transphobia is not “laterally aggressing” his victim, he’s oppressing them. the reason LGBT people have become so vocal against inclusion of cis straight aces is because their oppressors are now gaining entrance to their exclusive spaces, and speaking over them. and whereas a lesbian can voice her discomfort with this on tumblr, she’s forced to stay silent at her local GSA for her own safety.

two, this isn’t an issue of a “handful” of violently homophobic people in the ace community. the founder of aven–david jay–was a homophobic white cishet man, and the platform on which he built his activism was homophobic. moreover, oppression against (straight, cis) ace people is not enforceable, because who is and isn’t ace depends entirely on the decision to identify as such! there are (as the ace community has been told many, many times) plenty of LGBT people (if not most) who have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual attraction due to abuse/assault, compulsive heterosexuality, dysmorphia, etc. none of these people can be considered “allosexual,” even if they (for perfectly valid reasons) decline to share this information publicly! these people deal with many of the same issues you’ve mentioned here (e.g. choosing between getting dumped or engaging in sexual acts when they would rather not), although they would likely attribute this to homophobia, misogyny and rape culture, not aphobia.

also: the “oppression olympics” is nonsensical and offensive and i wish y’all would stop passing that term around. yes, the LGBT community’s history is absolutely rooted in oppression of same-gender attracted and trans individuals! and yes, the community exists to actively oppose legislation that exists to oppress them, and to provide resources for those affected. the community was not founded in order to provide comfort to people who feel outcast from society for [x] reason. when you make this claim (or when you sarcastically liken the community to an exclusive “club” one gains entrance to by virtue of being oppressed) you miss the point entirely. it’s watering down the mission statement and end goal of this community, plain and simple.

“And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence.”

i find this argument (which is repeated often) to be ridiculous when the LGBT community has years of coherent history, and AVEN (and the popularization of identifying as asexual in the first place) has only gained prominence within the last decade or so. on top of that, as any oppressed individual will tell you, (and, again, something that has been repeated very often and rarely acknowledged) hypervisibility is dangerous to the oppressed! black and latinx trans women and gay men are the most endangered members of the LGBT community because it is impossible for them to “hide” themselves.

this alone should make it clear to you that what the LGBT community want and what the ace community want are two very different things–so what exactly would their shared goal in activism be? what purpose would expanding the community to include straight cis aces serve other than comforting individuals who resent being excluded? LGBT people may share the ace community’s desire for representation in media, but visibility–within the context of their everyday lives–is exactly what’s getting them killed. the pulse shooting is obviously the most recent example of this, but it’s one of many.

“One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.”

you’re introducing a very different argument here, and one i obviously don’t agree with. if you’re a gay ace, you belong in the LGBT community. i’m sorry you’ve been told otherwise. but if this entire passage (and the several paragraphs following it) are meant to convince me of this, i don’t know what to tell you? i’ve said before that–based on my history and relationship with sex and sexual attraction–i could easily identify as an ace lesbian. i don’t, for some of the reasons listed above, and personal reasons of my own–and i don’t benefit from failing to identify as ace in any material way.

“And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly.”

i’m genuinely sorry you’re feeling this way, but again, if you think this is an experience LGBT people (ace or otherwise) don’t share, then i’m not the one turning a blind eye here.

“At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.”

you need to consider that you are making assumptions about what i want from a relationship based on the fact that i don’t publicly identify as ace. this is another thing we’ve been repeating constantly: you cannot do that, and therein lies one of the issues with asexuality as a framework for oppression. also, even on the off chance that i had a perfectly healthy relationship with and desire for sex (which–as i’ve said–very few people in the LGBT community do) none of us can just “get a girlfriend.” to suggest it’s more difficult for ace people is ridiculous when LGBT people have had to resort to dating apps and LGBT-exclusive spaces in order to find people to date in the first place. and before you say that similar spaces don’t exist for aces: they need to be built, just like ours were. the onus is on adult aces, not “allo” LGBT people.

and, again, what an ace person would potentially want from an ace-exclusive space is not what an LGBT person (provably, historically) would want from an LGBT-exclusive space. ace condemnation of sex and sexuality is valid at the individual level, but it can be suffocating (and, yes–oppressive) to LGBT people who have fought long and hard to take pride in their sexuality. telling LGBT people that their love and “PDA” is “dirty” and “impure” is nothing new or progressive, it’s textbook homophobia, and those attitudes are damaging to us.

“Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.”

look…i hate to tell you this because i don’t think you mean any harm, and i’m not trying to attack you–but, as i think i said earlier, none of the arguments you’ve presented here are new to me. these are arguments that have been addressed and derailed by LGBT people (many of them ace themselves) multiple times, to no end. what you’ve mentioned here highlights an important point, and that’s “hurt feelings.” those are the stakes for straight cis aces–those are not the stakes for LGBT people (and i include LGBT aces in this statement). but i haven’t “learned” anything from these messages–i’ve never plugged my ears and ignored the arguments of straight cis aces, i’ve listened to them very carefully. and they’ve informed my opinion on this matter–an opinion that hasn’t changed and will not change. if that’s upsetting to you, you can unfollow–i won’t hold it against you!

#asks #long post for ts #discourse // lmao #i guess i'll publish this now...? while no one is awake

19 notes · View notes