#i hope i'm wrong. i'm just bracing myself.

[xannerz]

i think vigo's heart failure is kicking in

[ellenhghg]

I hope its alright to request something? But hear me out!! Reader has a secret pole in her room at the ShinRa HQ (she can be a SOLDIER, Ancient or whatever) and also a honeybee costume. Well one day she finds herself stuck to the pole with handcuffs behind her and calls either Cloud or Sephiroth (you choose who you like to write for) to help her. Like what would be their reaction to the call? Btw I really love how accurate you write all of them I am soooo starved for more!!!!!! <3333

Yess keep requesting away! I wrote one for Cloud and Sephiroth since this was really fun to write. I really hope you like it! Also everything between «» are thoughts, thought that would be a cute touch. And Pre Nibelheim Thank you soo much for your love!! ♥♥

♡‧₊˚ Cloud: Cloud blinks as his PHS buzzes insistently, the ringtone he chose for you blaring tinny and shrill in the locker room. He fumbles for the device, nearly dropping it in his haste.

«The hell…? Y/N never calls me unless it's an emergency… or she's tryin' to rope me into another one of her crazy schemes.»

Dread pooling in his gut, Cloud flips open the PHS, bracing himself for the worst.

"Hello? Y/N, what's—"

"CLOUD! THANK GAIA!"

Cloud winces, yanking the PHS away from his ear as your panicked shout nearly bursts his enhanced eardrums. His brow furrows, a spike of worry lancing through him at the barely-restrained hysteria in your voice.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"NO I'M NOT OKAY!"

There's a scuffling sound, followed by a metallic clang and a string of muffled curses. Cloud's eyes widen, his mind immediately jumping to the worst case scenario.

"Are you under attack?! Where are you?! I swear to Shiva, if someone's hurt you, I'll—"

"What? NO! No no no, nothing like that!"

Your voice is strained, tinged with embarrassment and a hint of… is that laughter? Cloud blinks, confusion momentarily overriding his panic.

"…Okay, so what's with the screaming? You nearly gave me a heart attack, woman!"

"Sorry, sorry! I just… Gaia, this is so embarrassing…"

You take a deep breath, the sound crackling down the line. When you speak again, your voice is small, almost sheepish.

"I, uh… I might have gotten myself into a bit of a situation. With the, um… the pole in my room."

Cloud's brain stalls, trying to process this new information. Pole? What pole? Why would you have a—

Oh. OH.

Suddenly, the pieces click into place - the Honeybee Inn costume he'd glimpsed in your closet, the way you'd been humming those catchy burlesque tunes under your breath, the mysterious 'dance lessons' you'd been sneaking off to for weeks…

«Sweet Shiva on a stick. She's been learning to pole dance. POLE DANCE.»

Cloud's face flushes bright red, a strangled noise escaping his throat. He clears it hastily, trying to will away the sudden rush of blood to his… ahem, nether regions.

"You, uh… You got stuck? On the pole?"

He cringes at the way his voice cracks, high and thready with barely-restrained panic. Gaia, could this BE any more awkward?!

"…Maybe? I mean, definitely. Definitely stuck. Very stuck."

Your voice is a mortified whimper, muffled like you've got your face buried in your hands… or the crook of your elbow, if Cloud's mental image is accurate.

«Okay, Strife, keep it together. Y/N needs your help, not your horny teenage daydreams! Focus!»

Taking a deep, calming breath, Cloud forces himself to think past the haze of embarrassment and… other feelings he's not quite ready to examine.

"Alright, just… hang tight, okay? I'll be there in five. Don't move!"

A beat of silence, then a snort.

"…Really, Cloud? 'Don't move'? I'm literally stuck to a pole!"

"You know what I mean!"

Face burning, Cloud snaps the PHS shut, already moving towards the door. He pointedly ignores Zack's raised eyebrow and knowing grin, shouldering past his friend with a growled "Not a word, Fair. Not. A. Word."

He's out the door and halfway down the hall before Zack can even open his mouth, enhanced speed carrying him towards your room in record time.

«Hang on, Y/N. I'm comin'. Just… try not to do anything else stupid 'til I get there, alright?»

And if his mind happens to conjure up a few tantalizing images of the predicament he might find you in, well… he's only human, right? Er, SOLDIER. Whatever.

«Gaia help me, I am so screwed…»

♡‧₊˚ Sephiroth: The harsh buzzing of his PHS jolts Sephiroth out of his paperwork-induced trance. He frowns, glancing at the caller ID with a mix of annoyance and trepidation.

«Y/N? She never calls me directly unless it's an emergency…»

Suppressing a sigh, he flips open the device, bracing himself for whatever chaos you've managed to stir up this time.

"Y/N. To what do I owe the—"

"SEPH! THANK GAIA YOU PICKED UP!"

Sephiroth winces, pulling the PHS away from his ear as your panicked shout threatens to rupture his enhanced eardrums. His brow furrows, a spike of concern lancing through him at the barely-restrained hysteria in your voice.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"NO! No I'm not alright! I'm— Gaia, this is so embarrassing…"

You trail off, a muffled thump and clatter echoing down the line. Sephiroth's grip tightens on the PHS, his mind already conjuring worst-case scenarios.

"Are you in danger? Do you need backup? Give me your location and I'll—"

"What? NO! No no no, nothing like that! I just… ugh, I can't believe I'm about to say this…"

You take a deep breath, the sound crackling through the speaker. When you speak again, your voice is small, tinged with mortification.

"I'm stuck."

Sephiroth blinks, certain he must have misheard. "…Stuck."

"Yes! Stuck! As in, I physically cannot move from my current position!"

"…I see. And what, pray tell, is your current position?"

There's a long, telling silence. Then, in a voice barely above a whisper:

"…I'm handcuffed to my pole dancing pole. In my Honeybee Inn costume."

For a moment, Sephiroth's brain short-circuits, unable to process this new information. You… pole dancing… Honeybee Inn costume… handcuffs…

«…I don't get paid enough for this.»

Closing his eyes, he pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming on. Of all the ridiculous, irresponsible things to do…

"Let me get this straight," he says slowly, enunciating each word with careful precision. "You, in all your infinite wisdom, decided it would be a good idea to play dress-up as a Honeybee girl and practice your, ahem, 'dance moves'… and somehow managed to get yourself handcuffed to your own pole. Is that about right?"

"…Maybe?"

Sephiroth sighs, long and deep, the sound reverberating through the phone line. "…Dare I ask how you even acquired a pole dancing pole in the first place?"

"I thought it would be a fun workout!"

He can practically HEAR the pout in your voice, the unspoken plea for understanding. It takes every ounce of his SOLDIER discipline not to bang his head against the desk.

«Gaia grant me strength… and a bottle of Junon's finest whiskey.»

With a herculean effort, Sephiroth forces down the urge to lecture, keeping his voice carefully neutral as he speaks.

"I see. And the handcuffs?"

"…I thought they'd add a little extra challenge?"

«Of course you did. Why am I even surprised at this point?»

Sephiroth drags a hand down his face, silently counting backwards from ten in every language he knows. It's a technique Genesis taught him, back in their early days as SOLDIERs.

«One day, that man's questionable 'stress relief' methods might actually come in handy. Miracles do happen, I suppose.»

"Alright," he says at last, resigned to his fate as your perpetual rescuer. "I assume you called me because you need assistance extricating yourself from this… predicament?"

"Yes please! I tried calling Cloud but he's not picking up and I'm starting to lose feeling in my—"

"Y/N."

He cuts you off before you can finish that thought, a muscle ticking in his jaw. The absolute LAST mental image he needs right now is Strife ogling your half-naked form.

Shoving down the irrational surge of overprotectiveness (and the FAR more disturbing flicker of jealousy), Sephiroth forces his voice into some semblance of calm professionalism.

"I'll be there shortly. Just… try not to make the situation any worse in the meantime."

"…How could it POSSIBLY get any wor—"

"Don't. Tempt. Fate."

He snaps the PHS shut before you can respond, already rising from his desk with a bone-deep weariness. The stack of reports will have to wait. He has a certain someone to rescue… again.

«The things I do for you, I swear… You're going to be the death of me one day.»

But even as the thought crosses his mind, Sephiroth can't quite suppress the tiny, traitorous spark of warmth in his chest. Exasperating as you may be, you're still the closest thing he has to family.

«And family looks out for each other… even when one of them is an absolute disaster of a human being.»

With a rueful shake of his head, Sephiroth strides out of his office, already mentally cataloguing the fastest route to your quarters. With any luck, he can have you untangled and decent before anyone else catches wind of this latest misadventure.

But he'll weather it, like he always does. Because that's what you do for the people you love… even when they drive you absolutely insane.

For now, he has a damsel in (self-inflicted) distress to save

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 36: Severed

Joel, Tommy and Ellie search for you. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-35 found on Tumblr here.

I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence and a step beyond. Torture. Mention of past sexual assault (not described). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 8.2k

A/N: I want to state, real quick, that Bambi is NOT going to be sexually assaulted again. This is a highly triggering subject and, given the situation she's in, I understand if folks are bracing for it. That's not going to happen. The threat of it is there but it's not going to happen.

We are into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. This character returns NEXT CHAPTER. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Joel had rarely paid much mind to how long it took to get out of Jackson before. 

“Tommy,” Maria was stalking after her husband as he, Joel and Ellie headed for the stable. “Be reasonable, you can’t just take off…” 

“Sorry, babe, but I can’t just sit here and let ‘em have a piece of her,” Tommy said as they went to the stable. There were the two horses Tommy and Joel had just returned on, the three that had carried the kids back, and some horses you’d been working with. You’d been telling Joel about their progress, how one was nearing well broke and you wanted him to go with you to the shooting range with her soon to get her accustomed to the sound of gunfire. 

“Do you have some kind of death wish you haven’t bothered to tell me about?” Maria planted herself in front of her husband, her arms crossed, defiant. “You have responsibilities here, Tommy! People who depend on you, people like me and our fucking son! You don’t get to just take off at your brother’s command anymore!” 

Joel stiffened at that. He and Maria had gotten to a good place in their relationship over the years, her moving past the thought that he’d been the driving force behind all her husband’s misdeeds. They’d settled into a mutual respect and eventual affection since he’d come to Jackson, Maria seeming to appreciate what he did for the community and the way he loved her son and Joel admiring her leadership and the way she was a partner to his little brother. He thought they were past this. 

Maybe he was wrong. 

Tommy took his wife’s shoulders in his hands, his thumbs rubbing little circles against her. 

“If it were you, he’d be going with me,” he said gently. “That’s my baby sister out there, Maria. Can’t live with myself if something happens to her and I didn’t do everything I can to stop it. I’m goin’. You can either help and hope we get back soon or you can be pissed while I’m gone but I’m goin’, you can’t stop me.” 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and went and stood beside Joel, looking over the horses. 

“What’s better,” he asked. “Tired mounts or ones that might spook?” 

Joel looked at his brother for a moment, thankful that he had him to rely on, and ground his teeth. He didn’t know the answer. 

“They’re on foot,” Ellie said, joining them. “Tired is probably better, we’re still going to catch them. But I don’t expect this to be quiet and if we’re on horses that spook, well…” 

Joel gave her a stiff nod and went to get the horses ready to leave. He was moving as quickly as he could but it felt slow, everything felt so slow. It felt like he should be running, pushing himself to the brink so he could reach you sooner. Every second you were away from him hurt. It was worse than when you’d left Jackson to search for Savvy in the blizzard. That had been bad enough but at least then he could believe that you were in one piece, that you could take care of yourself. 

That wasn’t the case now. He knew you weren’t safe. He knew you weren’t OK. He knew he’d vowed to protect you, the night the two of you made promises to each other in his bed he had sworn to keep you safe and never let anything happen to you. 

He’d failed at that. 

He’d failed and now he was here, doing what he had to do to make sure he could reach you. It just didn’t feel like enough. Nothing would, not until he held you again. 

Tommy and Maria talked in low, harsh voices until they had things situated. Food, water, ammunition, medical kit.

“Tommy,” Joel said, jerking his head toward the horses, voice sharper than he’d meant it to be. His brother jogged over to him, taking the reins of his horse from him. 

“The guys who brought the kids back are going to wait here until a few more crews come in,” Tommy said. “Then they’re coming out after us. We can mark a path. With fresher horses, they’ll catch us quick.” 

Joel nodded stiffly and the three of them led their horses to the gate, Maria following with her arms crossed over her stomach. In another situation, Joel would have taken the time to talk with her and reassure her. He didn’t have the luxury of time now. 

He mounted up as the gates opened, Ellie and Tommy following suit, the three of them riding through the gate the moment there was room. 

“Joel!” Maria called after a moment. He looked back at her. “Bring my husband home.” 

He watched her for a moment, at the fear on her face and in her wide eyes, a mirror of what he was feeling now. But she was still letting him go. He wasn’t sure he could do the same in her position.

“I will.”

 Ellie took the lead, pointing out the spot in the fence where kids left town. Joel ground his teeth and resisted the urge to yell yet again. What good would it do? What was done was done and this lesson was one he doubted Ellie would forget. She didn’t need to be taught it again.

They rode for nearly two hours when they came upon a small clearing and Ellie jumped off her horse before it had even come to a stop. 

“We were here,” she said, looking around, almost panicky. “We were here, I know we were, they had us behind that tree…” 

She ran over to it, walking around it until Joel couldn’t see her anymore. 

“Ellie!” He called. He couldn’t have her out of sight, not right now. 

“I was right,” she called back, coming around the tree. “I took a chunk of bark off of it, this is where we were but they’re gone, completely fucking gone, I don’t…” 

Joel was less surprised than Ellie. 

“They weren’t about to sit and wait for us to find ‘em,” he said. “We need to track ‘em. We’ll find them.” 

He, Tommy and Ellie circled the clearing on foot, looking for signs of a trail. It didn’t take them long to find one. Unfortunately, they found more than one. 

“The fuckers split up,” Tommy kicked a plant in frustration. “Any way to tell which group had her?” 

“Smaller boot prints, maybe,” Joel said, looking closely at the ground. 

“But there were other women,” Ellie said. Joel’s head snapped toward her. “They had a few women. I didn’t talk to them but… She wouldn’t be the only one.” 

“We can’t split up,” Tommy said. “It’s too goddamn risky, there are too fuckin’ many of ‘em, we have to stick together…” 

Joel nodded, trying to think. He tried to keep his shit together but he could feel it happening, the panic setting into his bones. He could hear the blood in his ears, his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against his ribs. He was having a hard time taking a full breath, his head spun. He reached out, his hand finding a tree trunk, giving him something to root him to the ground. 

“Joel?” Ellie’s hand appeared at his back. “Hey, you can’t die on us right now, we have to get her back, you can’t do this now, you gotta keep it together, you hear me?” 

He nodded quickly, closing his eyes for a moment. His mind scrambled for something - anything - to hold him here, something to make him push past the fear and do what he had to do. 

He thought of you. 

He thought of the first time he’d felt your body against him, on the back of a horse in the snow-covered forest. The first time he’d held you because you wanted him to, how you’d sought comfort in him. The first time he’d kissed you, how your lips had fit softly against his, the quick little breaths you’d made, the way you’d felt so close to him. The first time he’d touched you as his wife, how your body was so familiar to him but was brand new, too, with this new context. You were his, he was yours and he needed to keep himself together long enough to get you home. 

He took a deep, shaky breath. 

“We follow one trail,” he said. “We either find her or we find the people at the end of it. If she ain’t with ‘em, we get ‘em to tell us where she is.” 

“You really think they’re just going to, what, tell you whatever you want to know?” Ellie gaped at him. “They’re not going to just answer your fucking questions, Joel!”

“Wasn’t plannin’ on askin’ nice,” Joel said, stalking back toward the horses. “We follow the middle track. See where it leads.” 

Joel knew he should feel some kind of shame about what he was about to do. What he wanted to do, how he wanted to hurt them. He’d never told Ellie the finer points of what he and Tommy used to do - still did, when the need arose. He’d never told her what he did to find her when David had her and he was desperate. She knew he used to kill people, he thought she had some idea of just what that entailed but he’d protected her from the worst of it, the most shameful parts. 

Now, he was hungry for it. If he were a dog, he’d be salivating for it, aching to get his jaws around the throat of the man who had taken you from him. He didn’t want to just kill him, that wasn’t enough. It hadn’t been enough the year before when he’d sent him away from Jackson and it wasn’t enough now when he was doing who knows what to you. He was going to enjoy pulling him apart, piece by fucking piece. He almost hoped that Cody wasn’t with the men they were tracking, that he’d find you and have the chance to take every ounce of pain from them before finding Cody and taking it from him, too. He couldn’t even regret the drive to do it or the fact that he knew he could do it and do it well. His only concern, after finding you, was exposing Ellie to that. 

But they lived in a harsh world. Maybe it was good for her to know the harsher parts of it. 

Joel led the way, slower going now that they were beyond where Ellie knew the group to be. They were carefully tracking a group of what looked like seven people - including two women - for hours. It was dusk when Tommy noticed the signs of people first, giving a low whistle that sounded something like a bird. Joel looked over his shoulder and Tommy nodded toward a patch of sky he could see through the trees. Joel looked up. There was smoke. 

He dismounted and tied his horse off, Ellie and Tommy doing the same, before the three of them prowled, quiet and slow, toward the smoke. It wasn’t long before they could smell it, hear the quiet laughs of men. Joel tightened his jaw and his grip on his gun. His heart raced. 

The group they came upon largely had their guard down. Joel spotted someone through the trees, beyond the fire, looking like they were patrolling. Otherwise, they weren’t paying any attention. Joel gestured to Tommy and Ellie, sending them behind larger trees, Joel going to one himself. He peered around the thick trunk to find them there, make sure these weren’t just innocents passing through and seeing if he could catch a glimpse of you. 

But they weren’t innocents, a woman with her hands bound sitting beside one of the men at the fire, another one - also tied - with her back against a tree. There was no sign of you or Cody. 

Tommy met Joel’s gaze, his face set and determined. Joel gave him a stiff nod before turning to Ellie, her own expression hardened with barely controlled rage. She didn’t even look at Joel, too busy watching the men around the tree. 

Joel took a deep breath and raised his gun, stepping around the tree and firing, catching the man with his back to them in his head. He fell forward with a thud. 

There was a moment of stunned silence, the only sound birds fleeing the crack of the gun. Then, it was chaos, the men scrambling for weapons. One of the women screamed. 

“Need two alive!” Joel yelled to his brother and daughter, pressing closer and firing again, felling another man. 

Tommy shot next, a third man going down. A bullet whizzed past Joel’s head, close enough that he felt the heat of it on his skin, the shot clipping his ear. He ignored the sharp pain of it, watching as the shot Ellie got off dropped a fourth man. The fact that they’d caught the men when they’d stopped for the night was to their advantage. They were clearly used to traveling in a larger group and running unchallenged, only watching for infected who often made themselves known with crackling breaths, the sound of crunching through the brush and sharp clicks. They weren’t expecting a small group to come in, guns blazing. They were slow getting their weapons, rifles on the ground and out of reach, making picking them off like shooting fish in a barrel. Joel shot the man on watch as he came running toward the fire, his gun raised and aimed at Joel. 

Tommy charged forward and grabbed a man who was just getting to his feet, his back toward the three of them. He was just raising his gun when Tommy swung the butt of his rifle at his head, catching the man in the temple and knocking him off balance. He took advantage of the moment and ripped the weapon out of the man’s hands, casting it aside before shoving him to the ground and putting his boot in his chest. Tommy leveled his rifle at his head, holding the man in place. 

“Got one!” He yelled to Joel. 

There were two men left standing now, one reaching for a gun. Ellie shot him in the shoulder before Joel got a chance to react, sending him sprawling on the ground. The other was smarter. He grabbed the nearest woman and pulled her in front of him as she screamed, pressing a gun to her head, his eyes darting between Joel and Ellie. 

“Keep coming and I kill ‘er,” he panted. 

“Joel,” Ellie’s eyes darted toward him. “What do we do?” 

“Let me go,” the man said, the woman in his grip trembling. “Him too, and I leave her alive.” 

Joel didn’t have time for this. He moved quickly, raising his gun and firing, hitting the man in the middle of his forehead. The woman screamed again, covered in his blood and stumbling forward as his body went limp on of her. 

“Shit,” Ellie lowered her gun, looking at Joel. “I thought we needed two.” 

“Think we got two,” he stalked over to the man Ellie had hit in the shoulder. He was whimpering on the ground, clutching the hole that was gushing blood. 

“Please,” he said, eyes wide. Joel ignored him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and dragging him to the man Tommy still had at gun point. He dropped the man there with a pained groan and he looked to the women, the one who had been a hostage sitting up next to the body of the man who’d had her. 

“C’mere,” Joel said. They looked at each other quickly but stayed still. Joel, again, resisted the urge to yell. He didn’t have time for this. “Ellie, cut ‘em loose, tell ‘em how to get to Jackson if they want. Give ‘em whatever they need. See what they know.”

Joel turned his attention back to the man on the ground, going down on one knee beside him. He grabbed his hair in his fist, forcing his eyes to meet his own. 

“You’re gonna tell me what I wanna know,” Joel said. “And you’re gonna do it quick. Understand?” 

“Why would we tell you a goddamn thing?” The man below Tommy asked, watching Joel. His words were quick, panicky. Joel looked back at him for a moment before he ripped the injured man’s hand away from his wound with one hand and thrust his thumb inside the bullet hole, pressing up into the tendon below his skin. The man thrashed and screamed, the shrill sound sharp and cutting. Joel left his thumb jammed inside him until the other man spoke again, his eyes wide. “Fuck, OK! OK! What do you want to know, we’ll tell you! We’ll tell you, please!” 

Joel pulled his thumb free of the man’s body and wiped the blood on a clean spot on his shirt, turning his full attention back to the man below him. 

“Should get one thing straight now,” Joel said. His voice was flat. “I don’t mind hurtin’ you. In fact, I like it. Like gettin’ justice for everything you’ve done wrong in this life. I can promise you’ve done a lot wrong and I can promise I can make you pay for every goddamn ounce of it in blood. I know how to make it last. But I’m in a hurry and I want this over quick. It’s in your best interest to give me what I want. Got it?” 

The man gave a shaky nod. 

“Your boss has got my wife,” Joel said. “You split up. I need to know where he’s takin’ her.” 

“He gave us a meet up point,” he said, voice shaking. “We were afraid of someone coming after her, he had us split up, he’s got her not us, I swear…” 

Joel ground his teeth. 

“Where.” 

“I don’t know where he’s taking her,” he said quickly. “I know where we’re supposed to meet him tomorrow, that’s all! I swear, I don’t know where he’s going.” 

Joel thrust his thumb inside the gunshot wound again, plunging it deeper, pulling harder at the structure of him as he screamed and writhed. 

“No, stop!” The man below Tommy begged. “We don’t know, we don’t know! We just know he was taking her to trade, that’s all we know!” 

Joel froze before pulling his thumb from his body. He grabbed the man’s hair again, forcing him to look at him. 

“Trade?” His heart was pounding. “Trade for what.” 

“Territory,” the man panted. “Please, there’s a guy who wants ‘er, promised us territory if we got her for him, that’s all I know. He was going to try and meet with him, see if they can cut a deal. If he couldn’t find him or couldn’t get what he wanted, he’s meeting us in the morning.” 

Joel looked to Tommy, his face hard. Tommy just gave him a nod. It seemed like the truth. Joel turned back to the man. 

“You’re gonna tell me where the rendezvous point is,” he said. “And you’re gonna keep it real quiet and then we’re gonna ask your friend the same question and he’d better say the same place as you. Got it?” 

Joel leaned in close, the rattle of the man’s pained breaths hot and wet on his ear. 

“North, ten miles,” he said. “Where the rivers meet.” 

Joel sat back from him and looked to the other man. 

“Now you,” he said. “Better say the same damn thing as your fuckin’ friend.” 

The man’s eyes darted toward Tommy, who pressed the gun closer. 

“Don’t look at me,” Tommy said. “I ain’t savin’ ya. You wanted to live? Shouldn’t have taken my brother’s girl. Answer the question.” 

“North of here,” he said, looking back to Joel. “Said they’d be there in the morning, we were just stopping to rest for a bit, that’s all…” 

“Where north of here.” 

The man’s eyes darted to his friend before looking back at Joel. 

“Ten miles or so,” he said. “There’s a spot where two rivers meet…” 

Joel nodded slowly and looked to Tommy before getting his knife out. 

“No,” the man below him shook his head. “No, I told you what you wanted to know, I didn’t lie, it was the truth I swear it was the truth!” 

“Oh, I know it was,” Joel said, adjusting his grip on the knife. “But you took my daughters, took my wife. Not about to just let you live.” 

He thrust the knife into the man’s stomach and he gasped, his eyes and mouth gaping wide in a silent scream. Joel angled the blade up, forcing it towards his lungs before twisting it and pulling it free with a harsh tear. He wiped the weapon on the man’s pants before getting to his feet, watching as he tried to hold himself together, not able to take a full breath. He’d drown in his own blood before too long and Joel wanted to watch him do it. This man had taken everything from him. He was owed his suffering. 

“Joel,” Tommy said, nodding down at the remaining man at the end of his gun, one who was clearly about to make a run for it. He knew he was done for, he was desperate. “What are we doin’?” 

“Shoot ‘im,” Joel said. “Not worth the risk.” 

Tommy obeyed, the man dead even had a chance to flinch. Joel went back to watching the the first man gasp and gargle, fighting to breathe and failing. He should feel something, he knew that. He should feel guilt or some kind of pity. He didn’t. He barely even felt satisfaction. You were gone. He was hollow of everything beyond pain and fear and rage. 

“Joel,” Ellie’s voice was quiet behind him. He turned to face her, her eyes wide as she looked between him and the dying man. He’d almost forgotten she was there. 

“Get the women out?” Joel asked, shifting instinctively to block her view of the man suffering at his feet. She peered around him, anyway. 

“Yeah,” she said. “They didn’t know anything. Gave them directions back to Jackson and some guns from these assholes. I don’t know that they’ll end up there but…” 

She looked at the man again for a long moment before looking up at Joel. 

“Did you get an answer?” She asked. “Do we know where Mom is?” 

His chest got tight, hearing Ellie call you that, knowing that he shared children with you and you were gone. 

“We know where Cody’s headed,” Joel said. “Let’s get what we can from here and head out.” 

The three of them took ammunition and weapons and food from the dead before mounting up, Joel taking the lead again. 

It only took a few hours to reach the place the men indicated. The group had stopped here before, Joel could tell. There were signs of fire pits, places where fallen logs had been dragged over for places to sit, cleared brush. 

“What do we do now?” Ellie asked. 

“We wait,” Joel said, not happy about his answer. How was he supposed to just sit here when you were out there, with them? But he didn’t have another choice. 

They got the horses settled and found places to watch and wait where they should see people coming and have the advantage. Joel settled in, Ellie sitting beside him while Tommy kept watch. 

“Where’d you learn how to do that?” She asked eventually, quietly into the dark. 

“Do what,” he asked, even though he knew. 

“Hurt someone like that,” she said. “Make them give you information.” 

Joel was quiet for a moment, twisting his wedding band over and over on his finger. 

“You know some of what me ’n Tommy did after the outbreak,” he said. “Did some of that, too.” 

She nodded slowly.

“You never talk about it.”

Joel shrugged. The sound of crickets seemed loud, louder than they should be. 

“Not exactly somethin’ I’m proud of, baby girl.”

“But it’s useful,” she said pointedly. 

He sighed. 

“I’ve used it a few times since, when it’s important,” he said. “When it’s to protect you or her. It’s not somethin’ that’s good to know how to do.” 

“I want to know how to protect people, too,” she said, her voice dark. “I have shit to protect, too, Dad. I want to know how.” 

Joel sighed, looking over at her, the outline of her barely visible in the light of the moon as it filtered down through the trees. 

He wanted to tell her that she didn’t need to know this stuff. That he would always be there to look after her, to do these ugly things that needed doing. But he knew that wasn’t true. 

He’d doomed her to this life, in a way. One where she wanted to know how to pull answers out of someone with pain, how to turn the love you carried for the most important people in the world into a deadly weapon. There was no other way to be in this reality, one with infected and raiders and the last gasp of human kind struggling to continue on. If he’d left the doctor alive, at least, maybe things would be different. Maybe he’d have succeeded without Ellie, maybe the world would have been better for her eventually. 

But he would have come after her and there was no point in fixing the world if it had to continue on without her in it. Good, bad, indifferent, there was no point to any of it if the price was her life. Hers or yours or Savvy’s, the three of you were all that mattered. And he liked knowing he had skills he could fall back on if he needed them. 

“We’ll take care of what needs doin’ now,” Joel said. “Then we can talk.” 

The three of them took turns keeping watch. Joel wasn’t able to sleep. Instead, he thought of you. How he’d had to coax you into life in Jackson, how you’d come to find your place there, how you’d chosen to do all that with him at your side. 

There was a lot in this life he knew he didn’t deserve. He’d never deserved Sarah, that was for damn sure. The world hadn’t deserved her, either. He’d squandered the gift that was her existence, let her down when she’d needed him the most and he’d bourn that weight the rest of his life. He didn’t deserve Ellie, either. He certainly didn’t deserve you, something so strong but soft, vibrant but centering. You were meant for something more than him but you’d chosen him, anyway. He remembered when your fingers first brushed his, when he first heard you play guitar, when he first saw how you loved his daughter like she was your own. He wasn’t sure how he was meant to keep going if he didn’t get you back. What would be the point? Ellie was grown now. Savvy had survived all on her own for years and Ellie had taken her under her wing. They didn’t need him. But he needed you. 

Dawn was just beginning on the horizon when Joel heard it, the sound of people coming in from the north. He roused Ellie and Tommy and the three of them stood, lying in wait amongst the trees, rifles at the ready. 

Joel wanted to come out guns blazing but then he saw Cody, riding on horseback with just two other men. 

They weren’t outnumbered. You weren’t with them. 

Joel readied to step out from the trees, rifle raised. 

“Joel,” Tommy hissed.

“Go around the side,” he said, voice low. “Kill the others. But he’s mine.” 

He moved from behind shelter then, weapon leveled at Cody’s chest.

“Cody!” Joel called, watching as the men’s heads all whipped around to focus on him, scrambling for rifles. “You have what’s mine.” 

Cody lifted a hand to his henchmen and they lowered their weapons as he smirked at Joel. 

“Think she was mine before she was yours,” he sneered. “Seems to me I just took back what got away.” 

“Where is she,” Joel said, prowling closer, straining to keep his voice calm. 

“Back where she belongs,” he said, fishing in his pocket for something. He found it, pulling it out, unwrapping it from a kerchief and throwing it onto the leaves at Joel’s feet. “But you can have the part of her you laid claim to.” 

Joel looked down and his vision narrowed to a sharp, bloody point. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, the soreness of his legs and back and the pain at his ear that had been nagging at him suddenly gone. His hands shook as he dropped the rifle and lowered himself, slowly, to the ground. Lying there were two fingers. Your fingers. The wedding band that had been there since Joel had slipped it onto you was bloody, ragged flesh dangling from the ring he’d made you. 

Something inside of Joel snapped then. It was a sharp, clean break, one that he could he could feel deep at the core of him. A severing of his humanity, a setting aside of the things that made him who he was. The love he held for his family, the care he had for the place he called home, the remaining parts of him that were gentle and good - those things were closed to him now. Joel Miller had been called monster many times in his life but he knew he’d never become one. Not truly. He knew it because this had always been there, lurking below the surface, brought forward when he needed it most but always controlled, always contained. It wasn’t contained now. It couldn’t be. 

Joel left the gun on the ground, gently picking up your fingers - sticky and cool - and putting them delicately in his pocket before getting to his feet.

“Thought about sending you back with her whole hand but,” Cody shrugged. “Mitchum has use for it. Nothing she can’t do down a few fingers, though.” 

Joel didn’t even see Ellie and Tommy getting into position when he roared and lunged for Cody, ready to kill him with his bare hands. 

***

The Day Before 

“Move.” 

You glared at Cody, your wrists chained in front of you. 

“Not telling you again,” he said. “They’re still close enough, we could run ‘em down if you want to try me.” 

Your stomach got tight. 

“Fine,” you said. “Let’s go.” 

He split his men into three groups, hauling the man you’d killed to the brush and leaving his body behind. There were three women you hadn’t seen yet, one going with one of the groups, two with another. You didn’t get a chance to say anything to either of them, just sharing a look of desperation before you were led away. 

“You’re going to regret this,” you said as he shoved you forward. 

“Why, because you’re fucking guard dog is going to run me down?” He sneered. “Think we’ll handle him just fine. Besides, by the time he finds us, you’ll be long gone.” 

You followed his command, trudging through the forest and trying to find some way to leave a trail to follow. Joel would come for you. It would likely be hours yet before he was back from patrol, hopefully long after Ellie and Savvy made it back to town. You knew he’d come looking for you the moment he discovered you were gone, that he’d do anything to get to you. You just needed to make sure he could find you and that you were in one piece when he did. 

“Why are you doing this?” You asked once you’d been walking for hours, looking at Cody. “You said you knew it was wrong, you helped me. Now you’re doin’ this? Takin’ me and other women?”

“Let’s just say I learned my lesson with you, Doll,” he said. “Could try to be a ‘good’ man all I wanted, try to do the ‘right’ thing but it wouldn’t get me anywhere. Not like there’s much left here to live for, right? I should just take what I want while I can, no one is going to give it to me, even if I deserve it.” 

“Deserve it?” You stopped and turned to face him. “You think you deserved something from me? You held me prisoner, you fucking raped me, you…” 

His backhand caught you off guard, sending you sprawling to the ground, unable to catch yourself with your bound hands. He stood astride over you, grabbing your face sharply and forcing you to look at him. 

“Don’t fucking call it that,” he hissed. “That’s not what it was.” 

You spat in his face. 

“Fuck you.” 

He squared his jaw, like he was considering doing something more to you before he straightened, wiping your spit from his cheek. 

“Get her up,” he said. “We’ll stop here for a bit, take a break. Make her take a piss, get her cleaned up a little. Maybe we’ll have some fun before we hand her over.” 

You hoped the fear didn’t show on your face, that the way your stomach dropped and heart stuttered wasn’t obvious. 

It’s not like you didn’t know, consciously, what this was all leading to, what you were going back to. You’d been there for long enough before, you knew what it was and what this meant. 

But you weren’t sure you could survive it again. It had nearly killed you before. If you hadn’t escaped when you had, you weren’t sure how much longer you would have really lasted living that way and now you were going back to it. It would be worth it to protect your children but the fear of it was still there, the claws of it sharp and harsh inside you. 

Cody smirked. 

“Maybe I’ll show you just how nice I was before,” he said. “Show you what you took for-granted.” 

Two men pulled you roughly to your feet and shoved you into the trees, off the trail you’d been walking. Your chest got tight and your stomach turned and you found yourself flexing your fingers, clenching and unclenching your hands into fists as you tried to focus. Your vision threatened to narrow but you forced yourself to see beyond your own body, think beyond the fact that your lungs couldn’t seem to fill and your head was getting light. 

The men pushed you for a few minutes away from the rest, toward a stream. One stayed further back, watching the forest for signs of infected or someone who might come to take you. 

“Alright,” the other said, nodding to you. “You heard ‘im. Piss, get cleaned up.” 

“You think I’m gonna just do that with you watching?” You sneered, brows raised. 

He stalked forward, drawing his gun and pressing it to your chin. 

“You really think I won’t blow your goddamn head off?” He asked, his breath reeking of rot and liquor. 

“No,” you smirked back. “Your boss has you by the balls. You can’t do shit to me.” 

He stepped back and you saw the strike coming that time, dodging it enough that he caught your cheekbone more than your chin and you stayed standing. 

“I can do that,” he snapped. “And I’ll do it again.” 

“Go ahead,” you said. “Because you’re a little bitch. I’ve had good sex that hurt worse than that.” 

He bared his teeth and he went for you again. 

But he was stupid and big and slow and you knew where he was going to be now. You dodged him, not fully thinking and with no real plan. He stumbled where you’d been standing and you stepped behind him, looping your arms around his neck and pulling back so the chain constricted on his throat. 

He choked and gasped, dropping his gun on instinct as he clawed at your arms, trying rip himself free and trying to make a sound but you were pulling too hard, the other man too far to hear or see what was happening. 

The weight of him thrashing against you sent you off balance and you fell, taking him down with you, his body heavy on top of yours. But you didn’t give in, keeping the chain tight over his throat as he kicked and flailed. You held it there until he went limp and you released him, shoving his body off yourself and panting for breath as you did. You didn’t have time to get the feeling back in your body or to ease the panic, though. It was sheer fucking luck the other man who was standing just out of sight hadn’t heard something and you had to take care of this now. 

You found the gun where the man you’d killed - thought you’d killed, at least, you weren’t about to risk shooting him - had dropped it and took a guess at what direction to run in. 

You didn’t make it far. 

“Hey!” You heard the crush of leaves, someone moving for you. “Fuck, she’s running!” 

You turned and shot, the first bullet going wide as your hands shook but you were able to keep it together enough to get off another shot, this one hitting him square in the chest and he dropped like a stone. 

You kept running. 

You weren’t sure how long you ran for when you heard them, the men closing in on you. You couldn’t afford to look back and take the time to shoot, you had to keep moving, even as the sound pressed closer and your head was swimming. And then a hand closed on the collar of your shirt - Joel’s shirt - and ripped you back and down. You twisted on the ground, trying to aim the gun but it was kicked away from you. 

“You’re gonna regret that you little bitch,” the man panted over you. “We could’ve made this easy on you. We ain’t now.” 

He hauled you to your feet by your bound hands and forced you back to where the group had stopped, finding the two other men who had been sent after you on the way. Cody was standing where you’d stopped before, a small fire built on a patch of dirt in the middle of the trail. 

“You really think that was the smartest thing you could have done?” He asked, his voice almost eerily calm. 

“Did you really think I was just gonna let you hand me over?” You replied. “That I’d just go quietly into being a prisoner?” 

“I guess that’s why Mitchum’s so obsessed with you, isn’t it?” He asked, prowling closer. You wanted to shrink away but you couldn’t, not with the man at your back. “Because you just keep that fight in you. You didn’t give up like the others and he’s a man who likes a little fight.” 

He nodded toward the stump of a tree and the man at your back shoved you to it, forcing you to your knees beside it. 

“Thing is,” Cody said, pulling his knife free of its sheath at his belt. “You don’t need to be… intact for the shit he likes best about you.” 

Your eyes darted. You were surrounded, there was nowhere you could go and nothing you could reach. 

“Don’t be too worried about it,” he continued, kneeling on the other side of the stump. “Think he’d be pretty pissed if we took your whole hand, for example. But I don’t think he’ll miss a few fingers.” 

Your heart raced, the blood pounding in your ears. 

“That a risk you want to take?” You fought to keep your voice calm as you clutched your hands tightly to your body. “You really want to go through all this trouble for nothing?” 

He shrugged. 

“Think we’ll be fine.” 

The man at your back took your wrist in his grasp and shoved your arms down to the jagged wood of the stump, your hands clenched in tight fists. Cody took your left one and pulled at your fingers, trying to pry it open as you grimaced and fought him on it. After a moment, he gave up. 

“Fine,” he said. “Don’t want to cooperate?” 

He took the knife and slammed it through your forearm, on the side of it so it missed bone, making you scream as the blade went through the muscle and skin and into the wood on the other side. Your hand went limp on instinct and Cody spread your fingers with one hand, holding the other out. Another man handed him a knife and he lined it up with the base of your ring and pinky finger, smirking a little as he did. 

“Would you look at that,” he traced your wedding band and you tried to look at your hand through the blur of pain and tears. “The feral woman got hitched. You marry that animal of yours, that it?” 

You considered begging. If you thought it had even a chance at working, you’d have done it. But it didn’t.

“Fuck you,” you said instead. 

“Think this’ll make for a nice keepsake of you, if he ever comes looking,” he said, pressing the knife in just enough that you could feel it, even through the pain of the blade still lodged in your arm. “Wedding ring won’t mean much where you’re going, anyway.” 

He started cutting then, the automatic response your body had to pull away ripping and tearing against the knife holding you to the wood. You couldn’t look away from it, even though what little there was in your stomach was threatening to come up and the pain had deafened all the sound around you. You weren’t sure if you were screaming or not but you couldn’t breathe and couldn’t think as you watched part of your body be cut away. 

Cody finished, wiping the knife on your shirt - Joel’s shirt - before passing it back to one of his men. He held your bloody, jagged fingers up, turning them slowly in front of his face. You could hear again, the ragged sound of your breath and the rustle of leaves on the trees, the breeze moving through as though you weren’t being dismantled on the forest floor. 

“Think your guard dog will even still want you now?” He asked, holding them in front of you. Your blood dropped from them onto the sleeve of the shirt. “Not sure he’ll be interested in such… damaged goods.” 

You stared at the fingers in his grip in disbelief. It didn’t seem real, the things you’d used to play guitar and grip the reins of your horse and hold your husband’s hand were separate from you now. You remembered, for a moment, marrying Joel. The clarity of it was almost visceral, how he’d taken the ring that was now slick with your blood and slipped it onto the finger that was dangling before your eyes. It was a part of you then. It wasn’t now. 

Cody held his empty hand out and the man he’d given the knife to returned it. 

“No,” you shook your head, your voice wet and raspy. “Please, I…” 

“Not taking anything else,” he said, his tone almost kind. “Just going to make sure you don’t bleed out on us.” 

With that, he pressed the blade to the place he’d cut part of you away and you screamed, the metal scalding hot. You realized they must have put it in the fire, using the heat to cauterize the wound. Without warning, one of the men pulled the knife that was still in your arm free and the heated blade moved there, too. You could smell your skin burning, the man at your back holding you still as your body fought to escape the pain of it. They moved you around like a rag doll, cauterizing the other side of your arm, too, before stepping back from you. 

“There,” Cody stood, handing the knife off and taking a kerchief from his pocket, wrapping your bloody fingers in it before stashing them away. “Now you should know I’m not fucking around. Get up. We’ve wasted enough time on this shit and Mitchum won’t wait on us forever.” 

The man behind you pulled you to your feet by your shoulders and you swayed on your feet for a moment, your head swimming before you doubled over, vomiting mostly bile before your legs gave out, the man catching you before you hit the ground. 

“Shit,” Cody’s voice sounded far away. “We’ll have to find a way to move her…” 

You passed out. 

When you woke up, it was dark, a hand around your jaw. 

“There she is,” Cody said, releasing you and patting your cheek twice. “Need you up and walking, can’t trade you half dead. Move.” 

You tried to orient yourself, get some kind of understanding. You weren’t where you’d been when you’d passed out. You were on some kind of makeshift litter, your left arm and hand throbbing dully. Your hand was bandaged. Cody grabbed a fistful of your shirt, pulling you upright and you all but collapsed against him, stumbling as you tried to find your footing. The second you did, you pulled away from him. You couldn’t bear to touch him, even if that meant you ended up on the ground again. 

“Just gotta make it about 100 yards,” he nodded toward a flickering glow in the distance. “Then you’re not my problem anymore.” 

He nudged you in that direction and you moved, almost mindlessly. You weren’t strong enough to fight it. You were barely strong enough to walk. You cradled your injured arm to your body as best you could, watching as the glow of the fire drew closer. 

“Stop right there,” an unfamiliar voice said, a man coming through the trees with his rifle raised. But he lowered it as he drew closer, looking the group you were with up and down. “Cody. Starting to wonder if you weren’t going to make it.” 

“Got held up,” he said. “But I got what he’s after, if he still wants to meet.” 

The guard just jerked his head toward the fire and led the way, you trailing along behind him with Cody and his men at your back. 

The fire was in the middle of a large clearing, one with a cluster of about 20 men around it, the man you feared more than any other sitting at the back of it. 

A wide smile came over his face when he saw you, the spread of it sinister and slow. 

“Well well,” Mitchum said, getting to his feet and walking closer. He was still so much bigger than you, tall and broad and you knew just how well he could force you to do what he wanted. “The prodigal son returns, with my favorite toy no less.” 

“Told you I could get her,” Cody said, pushing you toward him. “And I believe we had an agreement.” 

“Sure, sure,” Mitchum waved him off before looking you up and down, just feet away from you now. Your head spun. “Jackson is yours when we take it down, as is anyone who survives. S’long as you remember who gave it to you.” 

Mitchum reached out, grabbing your injured hand roughly and you cried out with it as he pulled your arm toward him. 

“The fuck is this?” He held it up. “Thought I told you I wanted her intact, there’s no deal if you fucking maimed her.” 

Cody shrugged. 

“She killed two of my men,” he said.

Mitchum dropped your hand and clenched his jaw before snatching his gun from its holster and shooting Cody’s man who was at your side, making you flinch away from the sound. 

“You think I give a fuck how many of your men make it?” He asked. “You think their lives matter? Got fuckin’ news for you, theirs don’t and neither does yours so you better do a damn good job of explaining why you brought her to me damaged.” 

“She tried to take off,” Cody said, eyes darting down to the man who was dead  on the ground. “Had to do something to keep her under control. Figured you’d want her at all, even if that meant damaged.” 

Mitchum holstered the gun with a huff and pulled you away from Cody, your skin crawling where he touched you. 

“Well, she’s back where she belongs now,” he passed you off to one of his men before turning back to Cody. “Jackson’s yours, when we take it.” 

“And I want horses,” Cody said. “For my trouble.” 

Mitchum seemed to think for a moment before giving him a stiff nod. 

“Fine, three horses,” he said, waving them forward. “Take ‘em and go. Don’t want to see you again for a while or else I might change my mind.” 

“Pleasure doing business with you,” Cody smirked before looking to you. “Told you you should have given me what I deserved.” 

You didn’t say anything. Instead you just stood there, in the hold of one of Mitchum’s henchmen, watching as the man who’d stolen your freedom rode off into the night. 

Next Chapter

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

A/N: I know it's a rough chapter but... feral!Joel?

We've only seen the beginning of him, he's about to go on a rampage like no other I can promise you that.

Also, I'm sorry for making this chapter quite so brutal. I really didn't want them to get off easy in this situation, I wanted to make sure we know that there are going to be some long term repercussions from all this - in this case, Bambi's missing fingers. They live in a brutal world and they're facing brutal things and I wanted this to be reflective of that.

Thanks for sticking with the story. I really do love you all!

[pitinthelanepages]

when not enough

pairing: charles lecerc x reader

summary: when you're not enough for him, no matter how hard you try.

genre: angst

The room fell into an uneasy stillness, shadows dancing restlessly as Charles mustered the courage to shatter his world. Your heart raced, anticipation and dread intertwining within your chest, as you braced yourself for the words that would change everything. A heaviness settled upon your shoulders, threatening to crush your spirit as Charles took a hesitant step forward.

"Love, we need to talk," Charles spoke, his voice tinged with a mixture of regret and uncertainty. His hands trembled, fingers fumbling for words that seemed just out of reach. The gravity of his admission hung in the air, a fragile thread threatening to sever their bond.

Confusion etched itself upon your face, eyes searching his for answers you feared you already knew. "You wanna break up, don’t you? But… why?" you implored, your voice quivering with vulnerability. "Have I done anything wrong?"

Charles' gaze met yours, the depths of his eyes mirroring the inner turmoil he grappled with. "It's not about what you've done or haven't done," he confessed, his voice heavy with the weight of unspoken truths. "I've lost sight of myself, lost touch with who I am. I need time to find my way back."

Tears welled in your eyes, threatening to spill over as his words pierced your heart. A torrent of emotions crashed upon you, the overwhelming surge of love and devotion intertwining with a sense of abandonment. You had loved him relentlessly, unable to fathom a life without him. The thought of not being enough left you feeling as if your world had crumbled.

"I just wanted to be enough for you," you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of pain and longing. Every ounce of your being had been poured into your relationship, your unwavering love an offering you believed would bridge any divide. You had bent and contorted yourself to fit the mould he desired, sacrificing your own dreams and aspirations in the process.

Tears streamed down your cheeks, your voice choked with sorrow as you continued, "I loved you unconditionally, Charles. I couldn't imagine a future without you. But now... now I'm left feeling worthless, as if all my efforts were in vain."

Charles reached out, his hand desperate to bridge the growing chasm between you two, but you pulled away, heart too fragile to bear any more wounds. Your tear-filled eyes met his gaze, a mix of love and shattered dreams reflected in your expression. "You know what’s the scariest realisation? I don't know who I am without you," you confessed, your voice a fragile whisper. "But I guess I will find my way. I will have to find the parts of me I lost in the pursuit of our love."

With that, you turned and walked away, your steps heavy with the weight of heartbreak and resilience. The room fell into a deafening silence, the remnants of your love echoing in the empty space. And as Charles watched your retreating figure, the magnitude of his decision weighed upon him, a painful realisation of the love he had left behind.

But it was too late. The damage had been done, your paths forever diverging, and all that remained were the fragments of a love that once burned brightly, now lost amidst the tangle of broken promises and shattered hearts.

a/n: if you've read my works before, you'll notice this writing style is different. yes i tried something new. though writing this was a pain in the ass, hope you enjoyed it!

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 1. 01 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

With a loud sigh, I open the door slowly hoping nobody would notice me. There were some voices in the living room and upstairs, but they seemed too busy to hear me entering.

Slipping off my shoes I held my stomach trying to ease the pain when I bent forwards. The beating from the previous night was still hurting as bad as when I received them. It also didn't help that I was pushed into the lockers about ten times today.

With slow steps, I began to make my way to the stairs. If I am lucky I can avoid everyone today and get a good night's sleep. My foot had just stepped on the first step of the stairs when I someone clear they were through. I close my eyes taking a deep breath.

"Mi-na. Where do you think you're going?" The sharp raspy voice spoke from behind me.

I turn around gripping tightly on the strap of my backpack that was hanging on my right shoulder.

"I was going to bed," I answered hoping she would be tired and just let it go.

While Taking a drag of her cigarette, her eyes scan me up and down before she blows out the smoke to speak. "Where have you been? It's eight a clock at night."

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I had a chance to speak she was already talking.

"Are you doing something behind my back again? I hope I won't get child services again at my door. I don't need to remind you what happened when they were gone." I swallow thickly grabbing my left arm while rubbing on the scars that were left to remind me.

"N....n..no. I....I was just."

"Just what huh? Speak up or you are spending your night in the shed."

The shed is a cold dark and nasty place. It's where you get sent if you so-called misbehave. You never know when you're allowed to get out or if even a day when by. It's just you in the darkness.

"I had to go to the pharmacy," I mumble looking down at my feet.

A scoff could be heard throughout the room before her shrill voice spoke again.

"Pharmacy? For what huh? Last time I checked you weren't sick."

I look up trying to steady my breath.

"M..my wou-"

"Stop mumbling! You know I hate when someone mumbles!" She yelled stepping closer to me.

"My wounds. They were getting infected. If I didn't threaten them it would get worse and had to go to the hospital. I thought it would be better to threaten them now before people would see it." I explain hoping she would just let me off by yelling at me.

For a few seconds, she looked at me before a stinging hit my cheek making my head turn to the side.

"Don't explain yourself as if you did something good! You wouldn't have those wounds in the first place if you hadn't disobeyed me!"

With heavy breaths, I look at her while holding my burning cheek.

"What money did you use to buy that shit." She asked calmly, too calmly.

"The money I got from my job," I mutter out.

Before I could brace myself she grabbed my hair pulling me closer to her.

"You stole from me?! You know that that money belongs to me!" Her face was so closed that I was getting dizzy from the smell of cigarettes coming from her mouth.

"I'm s..so....ry!" I cry out holding my hair where she was pulling on.

"Sorry? Sorry?! What the fuck does your 'sorry' do me?! Huh?" With every word her grip tightened on my hair, making tears appear in my eyes.

"I give you a place to live and this is how you repay me! Stealing and lying!"

With big force, she pulled me to the ground landing hard on my already bruised knees.

"It's like you're asking to get punished!"

Without any warning, she slammed her foot on my left hand. A loud cry escaped my mouth, but I quickly shut it hoping nobody else would hear it. I don't want the others to come down and help her.

"I....I'm sorry I'll pay it ba.." My voice was interrupted when she twisted her shoe on my hand while putting more pressure on it.

"Without a doubt! I don't care how you do it, I just want my fucking money!" With one last twist, she steps off my hand.

I cradle it against my chest feeling how it was throbbing from the pain. I swear I could feel something broken in it when I ran my finger over it.

"Get out of my eyes before I put you in the shed!" I nodded my head quickly standing up.

I watch as she walks back to the living room making sure she is completely gone before going upstairs. With the back of my other hand, I wipe the tears that had escaped my eyes.

Every day is the same.

Even if I do everything she wants she still finds a way to punish me.

With a deep sigh, I enter my room closing the door behind me. At least I didn't see the other kids. They love to watch or even help with her. Even in school, I can't escape. They just continue what they started at home there.

Walking to my bed I turn on the bedside lamp making it less dark in my room. It wasn't big and there wasn't much in it, but at least I was alone. I put my bag to the side before taking off my hoodie and shirt underneath it. I had just pulled my jeans down when I heard a crack in the floor behind me.

Quickly I turned around and came face to face with Drew. There was a cocky smirk on his face while looking me up and down. Quickly I grabbed my hoodie and threw it over my head hoping it would cover most of my body.

"Don't stop because of me. There is nothing I haven't seen before." I bite the inside of my cheek shaking my head at him.

"What are doing in my room, Drew? It has already been a long day and I really want to go to bed."

A part of me knew why he was here. While the other part hoped he was just here to annoy me. But seeing that it was late at night only one thing came to my mind. I have told myself that I won't let him do this to me anymore. That I would fight harder until he was annoyed and just left me alone.

A chuckle left his lips before taking a step toward me. As I said it was a small room, and it didn't take him much to reach me.

"Just wanted to say hey. Besides I heard that you were in trouble again with Ms. Ward. You just can't help yourself, don't you, love?" He reaches out moving a strain of hair out of my face.

The moment his fingertips grazed my cheek I could feel a chill run up my spine.

"Don't touch me," I mutter out moving my face from his hands.

"Just get out of my room. Haven't you done enough today?" I breathe out tiredly.

With both his hands he grabbed my face pulling me completely against his body.

"What the?! I said le.." Before I could finish he had crashed his lips on mine.

I had to process for a second what was happening before I began to struggle to get away from him. I felt him bite my lip, but I firmly held my two lips together denying entrance. With one strong shove, I push him away from me taking a deep breath immediately afterward.

"What's wrong with you!?" I cough out wiping my lips.

"Can't you go to one of your side chicks? Why do you want me?!" I whispered trying not to let the others know what was happening here.

A laugh came out of his mouth before he moved back in front of me. I took a few steps back but was quickly met with the bed behind me. Almost falling backward on it.

"Nobody is like you, love. You're just so different than the others."

I shook my head.

"Just go," I whisper hoping he would listen to me.

The same annoying chuckle left his mouth before he gave me a shove. Quickly I fell backward on my bed hitting my head hard on the wall.

For a second I think had passed out, but was quickly back to the present, well half the present.

My sight was hazy and blurry like they had put a filter over my eyes. When I tried to move my head the room seemed to spin around me, making me close my eyes tightly trying not to get dizzy. Without noticing I fell back in the dark, but not before I felt a presence beside me.

I felt someone grabbing my legs and putting them on the bed slowly I opened my eyes and saw someone sitting on the bed beside me slowly rubbing my bare leg. Goosebumps ran through my body making me want to pull away, but it was like my body wasn't listening. There was a voice, but it was muffled like I was in the water.

I think I passed out again because the next time I woke up I could feel coldness over my whole body. Slowly I looked down and saw that my hoodie was gone. I wanted to panic and run away, but everything was still blurry around me. A dark figure hovered above me before a hand touched my cheek and some words came out of its mouth that I couldn't understand.

When I woke up again I could feel something sitting between my legs. Still, with blurry vision, I looked down and saw what I thought was Drew. I watched as he moved his hands from my leg to my stomach stopping just underneath my bra. I shook my head and I could hear myself say a weak 'no', but that didn't stop him one bit.

I felt him put his two hands beside my face before leaning down and whispering.

"Don't worry love, I'll let you enjoy it too." before kissing my earlobe up until my cheek before crashing his lips on me. I tried to move away, squirming away from his touch and trying to push him away, but he didn't budge with my weak attempt.

Suddenly I felt myself sinking deeper into my mattress, before being fully in it and the touch of Drew faded away. The material of the mattress disappeared underneath my back and before I knew it I began to fall. My body felt like I was a doll that was tossed to the side of the room when a child was done playing with it.

Nothing worked not even my own voice.

I was ready to hit the ground and welcome the darkness of death, but when my back finally met the ground I only felt pain shoot through my body.

For a few seconds, I just lay there thinking I would probably pass out, but then I began to notice something.

It was so silent.

All the noise from the people in the house, Drew, or even the noises from outside my room was completely gone. I felt my fingers twitch from beside me slowly feeling the ground around me. I only felt cold concrete. Finally, I could open my eyes and was met with a dark room.

Is this the afterlife?

Am I in hell for all the shitty things I had done in life? The cold on my body was completely gone which made me look down. Somehow my clothes were back on. Maybe I am really dead.

"Don't worry you're still alive. For now." A voice spoke from somewhere in the dark and followed with a dark snickering.

I quickly sat up noticing that my wounds and pain were gone.

"You know you can still accept me. It's never too late to be the thing always wanted to be." The voice was so familiar to me, but I could place a face with it.

I began to turn around trying to see where the person was, but there was nothing. When a laugh came from behind I turned around ready to run towards it when the ground underneath my feet crumbled away. With a yelp, I managed to grab onto the side of the hole.

I pulled my head above the edge leaning on my arms underneath my chin. Being hopeful that I could pull myself up a cry left my lips when something grabbed my leg pulling me down. Soon others follow making me almost lose my grip.

While struggling to get free of the hands I heard a laugh in front of me. Looking up I could see a person coming from out of the shadows. My eyes widened when I saw that they looked exactly like me. The only things that were different and stood out were the black eyes and the sinister smile.

"You know, I can help you if you want to."

My nails were digging into the ground trying to get a grip on something to hold me up, but I kept slipping away. Everything inside of me was screaming not to trust her. She squad down in front of me looking down at me with those abysses of eyes and a smile.

"Don't you want to be strong?" She mockingly said with a chuckle at the end.

By now I was holding on to the edge with just my fingers.

"Come take my hand. I'll help you." A part of me wanted to let go so that I would be away from her, but the other part wanted to reach out.

It was the part that was tired of fighting to survive.

I have been fighting my whole life, maybe this is a gift for everything that has happened.

With a shaky hand, I began to reach out toward the other me, but before I could brush my fingertips against hers a hand reached my shoulders yanking forcefully so that I let go of the edge.

For the second time, I was falling, but now everything was dark around me. I yelled loudly while the hands were still holding me, their grip getting harder and harder. One reached my throat and I could feel it begin to squeeze cutting off the air that was going into my body.

A loud banging began to sound around me getting louder and louder while the light from the hole got smaller and smaller.

Next chapter

————————-

The first chapter is out! I haven’t figured out what the update schedule will be. It won’t be every day that’s something I’m sure about. I hope you like it. See you in the next chapter!

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭23.5 [11/12] - This show is not working for me anymore. Of course I'll finish because there's only one more episode but honestly I don't really care if any of them are together and that's a problem.

🇯🇵25 Ji, Akasaka de [5/10] - I'm so normal about this show. The way this show is using the show within the show is really smart and the editing is very good. I'm actually looking forward to see how the 'rival' will shake things up, which is odd for me.

🇰🇷Boys Be Brave [2/8] - So far so good. Gi Seop is obvisouly not the best boy but there's something about his energy on screen that is compelling to me. I really liked that Jin Woo was honest about his feelings and I like the 'I love you but I don't like you' dynamic a lot. The second couple gave me some ODS vibes so I'm bracing for some angst. [Finished will write it up at the next round up]

🇯🇵Living with him [6/8] - Filler episode with not a lot of new information, but I did enjoy the supermarket scene. I continue to delight in Kasuhito's expressions.

🇰🇷Love Is Like a Cat [2/12] - I'm waiting to binge this one. Didn't like how this started and the rhythm just isn't working for me. [Finished]

🇹🇭My Stand-In [1/12] - Pretty is pretty. But I don't trust Thailand with high concept so I have reservations. I hope I'm wrong. I liked the first episode so we'll see.

🇹🇭Only Boo! [7/12] - Well the Shone thing was what I feared and I don't think it really fit with this show at all but now it's over and I'm ready to forget it ever happened. Moo continues to be an absolute delight to watch and I'm looking forward to seeing a more relaxed Kang. The sides are pure torture. Payos sweetie, you need to confess or let it go cause I can't take it anymore.

🇹🇭We Are [8/16] - I'm enjoying the friendships in this a lot, it all feels very natural when they are together. I'm not super invested in any of the couples, although they're all doing a good job. I'm having a good time with Tan/Fang (Aou is so fun to watch) and hopefully I will have a good time whenever the show decides to give me Chain/Pun. I also think some of the actors have really improved, I was really impressed with Satang specially.

QL - Finished

🇹🇭1000 Years Old - I wrote before that this one wasn't really my thing and obviously the finale didn't really change that. The different lifetimes I think could've been explored earlier and would probably make this a bit more interesting to me. It's not like there was too much going on to use the time for that but it is what it is. Also the whole thing with the vampire girl/wife, it was so unexplored that I didn't really get why all of a sudden I should care about her at all. All in all, it started fun but halfway through it lost me a bit and now it's over. Bring on the next vamps.

🇹🇭Deep Night - This one surprised me a bit. There was a refreshing amount of good communication and they gave the people what they wanted, poly and older lesbians. I wish there were more acrobatics and the editing was weird in places but overall it's an entertaining show.

🇰🇷Gray Shelter - This is weird one. Because I feel like I have to fill in the gaps myself and that just shouldn't be the case. I enjoyed the actors a lot, and Lee Jae Bin presence on screen kept me engaged for most of it. There is definitely potential here if they had the time to explore all the different elements. But this runtime it's just not enough to fully flesh out these characters and the complex issues it wants to tackle.

🇯🇵Love is Better The Second Time Around - Started great but lost itself by the end. I don't think it needed that external conflict by the end with the brother and the mother because they weren't on firm ground to begin with. If I were to make a list like this one by @lurkingshan I don't think Myiata and Iwanaga would make it there. Iwanaga was amazing to watch though. He pretty.

🇯🇵My Strawberry Film - One pining gay boy does not a bl make. With that said, even as a drama there's nothing interesting here.

🇹🇭To Be Continued - Meh. It was fine. I wish I had more of the side couple because Gumbie is adorable. Midway this was getting into The Promise territory, and while it's not that bad, and I guess the reason for the separation is a valid one, I don't think Achi being the 'bad guy' for most of the show actually makes sense.

🇹🇼Unknown - The last two episodes were a bit of a letdown if I'm honest. I have nothing to say about the first 10 episodes. Incredible. The character growth is so well done, and the family scenes feel very grounded. Just all around outstanding work from the whole cast, but specially Kurt and Chris. I think Kurt showed Yuan growth so well and I'm in awe of Chris' acting all the way through. Even with the little stumble at the end this show and these characters will stay with me for a while.

Rose Watches OJBL

Junjou (2010) - Second chance romance. I liked it. It's a nice watch, nothing particularly outstanding or new about this one, although that's not really fair considering it's more than a decade old, but alas I've seen other versions of this particular type of bl. Nevertheless I liked the characters, specially Tozaki,

Athlete (2019) - The visuals were the best part for me. There are several things I like in this, the main actor does a really good job imo and I truly enjoyed the bar scenes. But it doesn't all come together for me. I don't have a problem with the ending as much as how we got there.

Other - Watched

This was a slow month for me. I started a new job and some other stuff happened so I haven't really been in the mood to watch new stuff. Mostly comfort watches and rewatches. Oh I did watch Heartbreak High S2. It was good.

That's it for right now. My ask box is always open. Wishing you all a wonderful holiday tomorrow💜

[pankowperfection]

Oh my gosh hi!! Could I please request something for Topper where he's maybe her bestfriend's older brother and he catches her in the shower? Maybe a bit of dark!Topper? Thank you so much!!!

Omg hi! sorry it too me so long to get to this. Hope you love it.

Warnings: smut, oral(fem receiving), dub con, dark!topper, 18+

Off Limits

God, I overdid it at that fucking party. I definitely smell like the mixed drink that touron sloshed all over me. I stumble up the stairs, not paying attention to what door I’m opening before I walk in.

The sight in front of me instantly sobers me up. After all these years waiting for y/n to notice me, I can barely believe my luck. She’s fully naked, steam filling the room as she massages shampoo into her hair.

The countless nights I'd spent fantasizing about her, how she'd feel underneath me while I fucked her senseless, what pretty sounds she'd make when I buried my tongue in her sweet pussy. Every dark desire I've ever had for my sisters best friend swirls through my mind, my resolve wavering with every passing second.

I take my time to appreciate her body while her back is turned to the door, each drop of water gliding down over her curves making me want to lick her everywhere. Blood rushes to my dick when she turns around, eyes still closed while she slides her soapy hands over her torso.

When her hands slip between her creamy thighs I lose the last bit of restraint, quickly peeling off my clothes as quietly as possibly. As she tips her head back to rinse out the bubbles I make my move, pushing my way into the shower and wrapping my arms around her.

“What the fuck?!” She screams, thrashing to get away from me and forcing me to bend one arm behind her, shoving her against the tile wall.

“Shhh, relax sweetheart. It’s me, Topper.”

"Top? What are you doing?"

She relaxes slightly in my hold, assuming she isn't in any danger but she couldn't be more wrong.

"Don't play dumb y/n," I whisper into her ear, her body reacting exactly how I'd planned. She shivers, unconsciously arching further into my touch. When she feels my hard cock pressing into her ass she whines, the sound like music to my ears.

"Ya know, I see the way you look at me. Always eye fucking me from across the room. So now, I'm gonna give you what you want. What we both want."

"I don't know what you're talking about Top, I'm s-sorry if I did something wrong."

She starts to shake, her eyes searching my face for something she won't find.

"Relax baby. Let me make you feel good. I bet this pretty pussy is dripping for me."

To prove my point I slide one hand down her body, my knee forcing her legs apart. When my fingers come into contact with her folds I grin in victory, she's so fucking wet. I tease through her pussy, gliding my fingers up and down agonizingly slow.

She starts to breathe heavier, eyes glazing over as her body gives in to the pleasure. "That's it baby, so fucking good for me."

When I bump her clit she moans, the sound going straight to my cock and making it twitch. I start to rub her little bud in circles, her head falling back onto my shoulder as her body winds tighter. I plunge two fingers inside and she gasps, eyes flying open to look at me while I stretch her out.

I let go of her arm, bringing my other hand up to rest on her throat. She swallows thickly, whimpers falling from her perfect lips when I start to curl my fingers inside of her.

"Top please," she begs and its the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

"Please what doll? Please stop or please don't?"

I don't get a response, her legs starting to shake as her orgasm races closer. Just when her walls start to flutter around me I stop, quickly pulling her ass backwards and burying myself inside her.

"Fuck y/n, so god damn tight." Her walls squeeze me like a vice, the urge to cum already forming low in my gut.

She braces herself on the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks from the stretch and overstimulation. I don't give her any time to adjust, I just can't resist any longer. I pull almost all the way out before thrusting back in hard, her body shaking from the impact.

I'm mesmerized by the sight of her ass jiggling every time I slam inside, my pace picking up as our mixed moans fill the air. The need to feel her lips on mine, to taste her, is strong so after a few minutes of giving it to her nice and deep from behind I pull out.

I spin her around, lifting her up in my arms and pressing her against the wall. Her eyes are glued between us, staring open mouthed at my dick resting against her entrance. When she finally meets my gaze I push inside and she moans, nails digging into my shoulders at how the new angle feels.

"Don't stop. Please let me cum." Her hands tangle into my hair, tugging harshly when I hit her sweet spot. I purposefully slow my thrusts, making sure to angle my hips just right to keep making her clench around me.

She takes me by surprise, closing the small distance between us and crashing her lips to mine. She tastes even sweeter than I could've imagined, my tongue sweeping into her mouth as she hangs onto me tightly. I break away first, sponging kisses down her neck and quickly finding her weak spot.

"Oh shit," she curses, back arching further off the wall as her pussy starts to tighten around me. She reaches between our bodies, rubbing her clit and sending herself straight over the edge. I silence her screams with my mouth, swallowing her sounds as my balls start to tighten.

When her teeth sink into my bottom lip its game over. My cock twitches before I'm filling her up, struggling to keep us both upright as the pleasure washes through me. I give her a few final strokes before pulling out, setting her on her feet and watching as my cum leaks down her thighs.

I can't resist, dropping to my knees and throwing her foot onto my shoulder. She watches me closely as I kiss up her thigh, teasing my way around her swollen lips with my tongue. Her hand is in my hair again and god I love when she tugs it like that. I lick once from her entrance to her clit and she shudders, leaning into the wall for support.

She tastes like heaven, between her thighs quickly becoming my new favorite place to be. I want to watch her cum again and again. Two fingers probe her entrance before pushing inside, she moans at the sensations and my dick hardens once again. How would I ever get enough?

I lap at her clit, flicking it slowly with the tip of my tongue and loving how her body trembles each time. "God, just like that Top. Feels so good." She starts to rock her hips into my face, eager to take all the pleasure I have to give her.

"Come on baby, want you to come on my tongue." I suck her clit into my mouth, giving it gentle flicks with my tongue while I curl my fingers inside of her. She's ready to fall apart again in now time, thighs trembling before she soaks my face. I eagerly lap up every drop, licking every square inch of her sensitive flesh.

She pulls me back to my feet, pushing her tongue into my mouth and moaning at the mixed taste of our releases. "That was incredible, but this can't happen again. Your sister will kill me."

I laugh, caging her back against the wall once again. "You think one time was enough for me? No sweetheart. You're mine now and I don't care what she thinks. You better not ever wear panties in this house again. You understand?" She nods and I take the chance to leave, quickly toweling off before heading to my room, the taste of her still on my tongue.

@adventuresinobx @starkeyobx @paradisehamilton @ailee-celeste @pankhoeforlife @outerbankspov @houseofperfecttaste @drewbooooo @maybankslover @maybanks-luver @blueicequeen19 @toystory2wasjustokay @onmykneesforrafe @penny4yourthoughts @maddie-routledge @ilovetheavenger143 @arsonistthornton

[mischievouslittlecreature]

I feel like this is gonna be a hot take, but I actually don't really want a Peaky Blinders movie.

I know I'm in the minority here but I actually really liked season 6, and I LOVED the ending. Open-endings have always been something I've enjoyed, and after spending pretty much the entire season just bracing myself to have to watch Tommy die, I was so, so relieved and ecstatic to see that not only did he live, but he actually got a pretty hopeful ending. And the symbolism was just *muah*.

I'm terrified that a movie will wreck a lot of that. I'm scared Steven Knight is going to regress characters. I could easily see him giving Arthur another drug-addict storyline and if he shoves Lizzie and Tommy back together after Lizzie finally went through the development and growth necessary to break away from that loveless, toxic ass marriage, I swear to God...

And I feel like this might also be an unpopular opinion but I really don't want Tommy to die. I know that's probably inevitable if we get a movie since Cillian seems to be just about done playing the character, and it would be the only way to really be able to end his storyline.

But I'm attached to the fucker, okay? I don't want to watch him die. And I've gotten tired of the trope of killing off the suicidal character because "it's what they want" or "it's the only way they'll actually find peace." It just feels like lazy writing to me a lot of the time.

I don't know I'm just sort of rambling at this point I guess. And don't get me wrong if we do get a movie or more content I'll probably be excited and will happily watch it. I just loved the ending of season 6, and I don't feel unfulfilled or like I need more of the story. I like stories that end, and I felt that Peaky Blinders concluded in a satisfying way.

Please don't come for me in the comments 😅 this is just my personal opinion.

[alexusonfire]

I'm sorry, my love.

Larissa Weems x Reader

A rainy day at the Weathervane has Larissa recalling how it all went wrong.

Warnings: Angst angst angst. No happy endings here.

"What can I get for you ma'am?"

Larissa looked up from her phone, the noises of the Weathervane flooding back to her. She'd been staring at her phone, specifically a picture of the two of you. You were sat beside eachother in a booth of your favorite restaurant, dressed to the nines and smiling real smiles, Larissa's arm looped behind your waist as she held you close to her. Larissa had originally been too shy to ask the maître d' for a photo, but you'd insisted with your very best puppy eyes, the ones she'd never been able to say no to.

"Ma'am?"

Larissa shook herself from her thoughts and offered an apologetic smile to the young person in front of her, placing her phone face down on the table.

"My deepest apologies, it seems I'm not quite myself today. I'll have a hot chocolate please, extra whip."

The waitress merely nodded and left, Larissa's smile disappearing with them. She turned her attentions to the hustle and bustle outside, the sudden and unexpected patter of rain catching many off guard; the ring of the bell above the Weathervane's door went on and off, on and off, more and more patrons coming in in hopes of escaping the storm.

She'd never intended to let it get so bad between you. Really she hadn't. At first she blamed getting caught up in her duties to Nevermore, so busy with emails and meetings and events she hadn't quite noticed how many of your messages she'd started to leave on read, all the phone calls going to voicemail.

"I'm not saying you need to be available to me twenty four seven Rissa, but I haven't heard from you all day and it's ten at night. It only takes a few minutes to check in."

"You're right darling. I'm sorry. I'll make it a priority from now on. I'll make us a priority."

She'd stuck to her word for a couple months after, making the first time she'd missed dinner without warning not so big a deal. You'd understood that she had too much on her plate, what with Outreach Day and Parents Weekend, and she'd simply lost track of time.

The fifth time however, left in the restaurant for an unexcusable amount of time before paying for your single glass of wine with tears in your eyes, you'd been less inclined to forgive her so easily.

"I was there for hours Larissa! I called, I texted, nothing! It's our anniversary for god's sake!"

"I know, I know, I'm so sorry dearest, I didn't mean to. It won't happen again, I swear it-"

If you asked her now, she wouldn't be able to pinpoint when exactly the bad began to outweigh the good, when the late-night arguments became more frequent than the early-morning whispered sweet nothings; it all blurred together until it just became too much.

"I can't do this anymore Larissa."

That she remembered, clear as day. You hadn't even looked angry like she would have expected, like you had so many times before; you only looked exhausted. Defeated. Done. She'd tried her best to hold on to you, clinging to any lifeline she thought she may have, but you knew it was only empty promises- that same conversation, those same apologies, over and over again.

"I promise I'll change. I'll be better darling, I will. Don't leave. Please."

The thunk of ceremic pulled Larissa's gaze up, and she flashed a small smile to the waitress, thanking them as they placed her hot chocolate down. She took a moment to blow on the surface before taking the first sip, the warmth spreading pleasantly through her chest. As it settled in her stomach, she realized this was the first feeling of comfort she'd had since you'd packed your bags and left her for your hometown.

"I wish things had been different Larissa."

Misty eyed, she finished only half her cocoa, left a generous tip, and then braced herself for the impending chill outside. She used to love rainy days, the smell and sound reminding her of cozy afternoons spent in with you, laughter and loving chasing away the dreary weather whilst wrapped in eachothers arms.

How she wished it had been different too.

[zibus]

Alright, so it looks like Usopp is going to have pretty light-toned skin in the remake. Of course this is all concept art so it could change (I hope it changes) but my hopes are not high. Because this seems to be the "official" direction across everything except the la. He is bone pale in Toei Egghead now as well.

This sucks, for lots of reasons. Anime often has issues with racists or at least unflattering depictions of black people reflecting larger issues with race in Japan ( not unique to them, obv.). One Piece has historically avoided a lot if these criticisms (that I've seen) because most named black or black-coded characters are allowed to be cool and/or have interesting characterization. Mr. One, Blackbeard, Kuma, and King come to mind (Blackbeard and Kuma being some of Oda's best characters!) not to mention all Fishmen to some degree. These characters all have varying levels of complexity and avoid the worst stereotypes of African Americans and other black people.

However, black people are still few and far between in the world of OP and they do often end up pigeon holed into certain roles. Of the list above only Kuma is heroic and only Blackbeard is a leader. The "Zoro is a racist" jokes come from somewhere. While many black characters have great designs, there are several examples of really awful caricatures.

Hopefully I dont have to explain that this guy on Buggy's crew is.... not great.

And so if Usopp no longer has dark skin, but is merely black-coded (and some of that coding is borrowed from minstrel shows as well), then a massive hole opens up in One Piece's black representation. The most* nuanced, compelling, and relatable Strawhat is no longer black, and the lense on the rest of Oda's track record for black characters starts to deserve harder scrutiny.

Thing is, this isn't the animators going rogue. This appears to be how Oda imagines Usopp. Consistently from his first appearance to today, Oda colors Usopp with basically the same skin-tone as the other characters.

In fact, all of the characters Toei gave a darker skin tone have much lighter ones on volume covers or in the colored version.

The lighter Usopp, then, can (and you can bet your ass will be) defended as being closer to Oda's original vision. But that doesn't make it better or even good. This is a case where I think Oda's vision/interpretation is wrong. These characters are black-coded and should be drawn in ways that make it obvious and clear that black people of all shades exist in OP and anime in general. Leaving dark skinned characters out entirely betrays a shortcoming on Oda's part.

So... what does this mean? Idk. As a white fan, I'm upset and disappointed. It puts a stain on a series that has spent so much time discussing race and racism in a nuanced and generally helpful way. Its another reminder that you can always have deep biases and internalized bs, even decades into writing a series at least partial about breaking oppressive and racists regimes. But the people this hurts the most are black fans of the series and anime who are having a role-model and wonderfully nuanced and sympathetic black character erased.

I hope Oda changes his mind, or maybe someone at Wit or Toei can speak up and bring this issue to light. Maybe fan complaints will help? Idk. Im just bracing myself, I guess. And yes, I'm sure I'll "get over it" eventually and enjoy the remake, but I won't be able to forget.

*your millage on Usopp may vary, of course, but Water 7 is Peak One Piece for a reason and a lot of that reason is Usopp.

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight ~ Main Route Chapter 9

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: None

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

--The day after patrolling the city.

I was heading to the casino with Ellis and Jude.

The casino is one of the gang’s strongholds.

William and the others had gotten information that the leader of the circus troupe was coming and going from there from time to time.

(We’ll scout nearby and as soon as we find someone who looks like that, we’ll arrest and interrogate them.)

With my mind filled with tension, I ruminated over today’s mission.

Jude, who was smoking a cigarette a little further away, looked at me and let out an exasperated sigh.

Jude: “What’re ya gonna do in this state?”

Kate: “I’m nervous right now, but I’ll be okay.”

As I put on my best calm expression, Ellis bent down a little and handed me a cup of tea.

Ellis: “Please. Warm up your body and you’ll feel better.”

Kate: “Thank you…”

The warmth that passes through my fingertips, which were cold from the tension, was comforting.

Kate: “…Mmm, it has honey in it. It’s delicious.”

Ellis: “Good. Are you feeling better?”

Kate: “…Yeah, I am.”

Ellis: “Don’t push yourself too hard, Kate.”

Even after yesterday’s confession-like incident, Ellis acted exactly as I had expected.

I think he’s treating me the ‘same as before’.

(But, I’m still conscious of what’s going on.)

I felt my heart beat a little faster with Ellis next to me, so I casually took a step away from him.

Ellis: “This might get rough, so if there’s another scary scene, please close your eyes.”

Kate: “Hehe, that can’t happen… My job is to record both of your sins.”

Ellis: “Even if you don’t see it, I can tell you later.”

Ellis: “It’s great that you’re working so hard, but… I wish you would take better care of yourself.”

Kate: “Y…Yeah…”

(Is this the ‘same as before’…?)

Every time such sweet words come out of his mouth, I can’t help but feel excited.

(No, no. I have to do my best… I don’t want something like last time to happen.)

--Flashback—

Ellis: “They were trying to harm Kate.”

Kate: “…”

(Then, this tragic situation…)

(This happened because I followed you, Ellis--)

Ellis: “… It’s okay now, Kate.”

--End flashback—

(… I hope it doesn’t end up like what happened last time.)

Kate: “Ellis, please don’t push yourself too hard.”

At the memory of Ellis standing in a pool of blood, the words naturally spilled out of my mouth.

Everyone knows that this is his job, his mission, and what he must do.

That’s why I wanted to be close to the pain and the hurt that comes from that.

Ellis: “Me? I’ll probably be fine, but… thank you.”

Kate: “After the mission is finished, let’s eat something delicious!”

Ellis: “…yeah… fufu.”

Suddenly, Ellis looked at me and smiled—.

Part 2

Kate: “After the mission is finished, let’s eat something delicious!”

Ellis: “…yeah… fufu.”

Suddenly, Ellis looked at me and smiled—.

Kate: “…? What?”

Ellis: “I was just having fun imagining what store I would bring you to.”

Kate: “…!”

(That’s…)

(Ellis himself is looking forward to going out to eat with me.)

Not just for me.

That makes me so happy that I can’t help but smile.

(Concentrate on the mission…)

I hurriedly hid my smile.

However, Ellis didn’t miss my changing expressions.

Ellis: “Kate? What’s wrong?”

***Choices***

***1. Nothing +4 +4***

2. I'm looking forward to the meal +2 +4

3. I'm so excited +4 +2

(I thought I had gotten screenshots of the correct choice but I guess I hadn’t, sorry!)

Kate: “I’m kind of excited… but we have a mission now, so I have to brace myself.”

Ellis: “You should just stay excited. If it’s a mission, leave it to us.”

When I smiled with Ellis--

???: “Ah…!”

I heard a small scream and turned around.

A little girl had fallen onto the ground, perhaps from the stairs.

(Wow, that looks painful!)

Simultaneously, I took a step forward and Ellis also started walking toward the girl.

Ellis: “Are you okay?”

Ellis gently held out a hand to help the girl up, but…

Girl: “…gh, mm…”

A film of tears quickly formed in the girl’s eyes.

(It seems like her parents aren’t around. In that case…)

Kate: “That must have hurt. Um, what’s your name…?”

--Just then a cheerful voice called from above the three of us.

Man with an eyepatch: “Hey, hey there, girl!”

Man with an eyepatch: “The flowers want to say hello to you!”

(Who…!?)

Part 3

Man with an eyepatch: “Hey, hey there, girl!”

Man with an eyepatch: “The flowers want to say hello to you!”

(Who…!?)

A man wearing an eyepatch suddenly appeared and squeezed his hands together…

A beautiful flower suddenly bloomed on the palm of his hand.

Kate: “! What’s this?”

Ellis: “It’s a magic trick like the one Bill did.”

Flowers: “Young lady, please don’t cry. I want to see your smile.”

In a high-pitched, strangled voice, the man wearing an eyepatch pretended to be the flowers and started to speak.

Girl: “Hic… Flowers…”

Flowers: “If you smile, I feel like I could bloom even more!”

Girl: “…mm,…”

As the girl forced her lips to curl up in an attempt to smile, small flowers began to overflow from the eyepatch wearing man’s palm.

Girl: “Wow…!”

The girl’s eyes, still wet with tears, sparkled.

Just then, a woman with a frantic expression came running toward us.

Woman looking panicked: “Cathy! I was looking for you, you can’t just walk away by yourself!”

Cathy: “Oh, mom! Look, it’s amazing! The flowers are like magic…”

Cathy’s mother: “You can tell me the story later! Sorry to bother you.”

Man with an eyepatch: “No, no, there’s no bother.”

Ellis: “She may have scraped her knee. Please help her.”

Cathy’s mother: “Eh, did you fall? Didn’t she bother you with her crying!?”

Cathy: “I’m not crying! The old man used flower magic.”

(I guess she really enjoyed the flower magic trick.)

Her mother also smiled, looking relieved as the girl spoke excitedly.

Cathy’s mother: “It feels like everybody has helped you… Thank you very much.”

Cathy’s mother: “Cathy, we’re going to have a lot to talk about when we get home.”

Cathy: “Yeah!”

The girl smiled and held hands with her mother, then waved at us as she left.

Ellis: “Take care.”

After seeing off the mother and child, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Kate: “I’m glad her mother came to pick her up.”

Ellis: “…Yeah.”

There was something strange about the voice that reached my ears, and I turned around, wondering what it was.

Ellis: “…”

Ellis, who had been smiling at the girl, suddenly turned to stare at the man with the eyepatch with a calm expression on his face.

I follow his gaze and look at the man again.

(That’s right. The man who suddenly appeared.)

Although he had an unhealthy looking complexion, he was tall and well-built.

He had a friendly smile, but his sharp, wolf-like eyes gave the impression that he was being driven by something.

(Eyepatch… maybe he’s a performer.)

Then I remembered the external characteristics of the ‘Ring Leader’ that Alfons had talked about.

--Flashback—

Alfons: “The person who was recruiting her was Captain Jake Grace himself.”

Alfons: “She said she was certain it was him on account of the characteristic scar around his eye that he got from being attacked by a wild beast when he was young.”

--End Flashback—

(He was active as a ring leader 20 years ago, which means he must be at least in his 30’s…?)

The person in front of me looks to be in his 40’s.

(Although, since he’s wearing an eyepatch, I can’t tell if his eye was injured or not--)

Jude: “….”

Jude, who had just been watching with a cigarette in hand, approaches.

Jude: “Ellis.”

Ellis: “Yeah.”

At that moment, Ellis stood in front of me as if to protect me.

Jude: “Y’know a guy named Jake Grace?”

Man with an eyepatch: “Oh, you’re in luck! After all, I am Jake Grace!”

Part 4

Man with an eyepatch: “Oh, you’re in luck! After all, I am Jake Grace!”

Jude: “……”

Kate: “Huh!?”

(How do you dare say your name like that!?)

Even though he was supposed to be complicit in the kidnappings, he ignored it so easily, I was disappointed.

Assuming he was trying to tick us, Jude narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

Ellis: “I heard a rumor that you’re kidnapping performers. Is that true?”

Kate: “Ellis?”

(He’ll be set off by asking such a direct question…!)

However, despite my concerns, the man’s shoulders began to shake with laughter.

Jake: “Kidnapping? Me? Ahahahaha!”

Jake: “Goodness, no. I’m currently recruiting to re-form the circus. I have been going around asking for help though.”

Jake: “Everyone will agree that they are attracted by the charm of the circus!”

(Uh…)

Ellis: “… I heard that even people who declined have disappeared.”

Jake: “Wait, disappeared? There’s no way that’s the case. I’m the kind of person who gracefully steps away if I’m rejected.”

Jake: “Those who love the arts will probably meet again somewhere, as long as they’re still alive!”

Jude | Ellis: “…..”

(We actually witnessed a woman being attacked by a gang after refusing his proposition.)

There is a big discrepancy between that fact and Jake’s statement.

(But it doesn’t seem like he’s lying… what does he mean?)

Jude: “What’re the new circus members who accepted yer recruitment doin’?”

Jake: “I’m sure they’re honing their performances at the mansion in the suburbs free of distractions!”

Jake: “Just the other day, there was a kid on the street who was in trouble, so I asked him to join. He agreed after just two benefits.”

Jake: “Children under the age of 10 are more likely to improve their physical abilities.”

Jake: “If they can learn how to walk on a tightrope, they can say goodbye to a life of scavenging for garbage on the roadside!”

Ellis: “Are you the one taking them to that ‘suburban mansion’?”

Jake: “No? But the owner of the casino has graciously offered to invest in my future circus!”

Jake: “That man is taking care of them until the first performance.”

Jake: “I’m going to meet with him today about that matter.”

Jake has a cheerful smile on his face.

(He has a refreshing way of speaking. Also, looking at how he treated the girl earlier… I don’t think he’s a bad person.)

(If that’s the case, then he might be--)

Ellis: “Even though you’re playing a role in the kidnapping, you don’t realize it.”

Part 5

(If that’s the case, then he might be--)

Ellis: “Even though you’re playing a role in the kidnapping, you don’t realize it.”0357

Ellis puts words to what I was thinking.

Jake: “Mm?”

Ellis: “I think you’re being tricked.”

Ellis: “Have you met up with the people who accepted your invitation at least once afterward?”

Jake: “They send me letters from time to time. I still have to gather more people, so I haven’t been able to go to the mansion.”

Ellis: “Please check carefully.”

Jake: “Okay, okay! I’ll check it out. Thank you for your kindness.”

(The leader doesn’t know anything. That means…)

Jude: “We got no choice but to catch the leader of the gang ‘n investigate directly.”

Jude spits out the words, looking bothered.

Similarly, Ellis muttered in a low voice.

Ellis: “What are we going to do? Are we going to pretend that we want to be members and go to the casino?”

Kate: “Huh?”

Ellis: “I mean, is the owner of the casino that he’s about to meet the one who led the kidnapping, or is just a conduit for that person?”

Ellis: “Maybe it’s an opportunity.”

(I suppose… that might be the quickest way to make contact with the perpetrator of the kidnapping…?)

If we can condemn the leader and cut it off at the source, the kidnapping case would be solved.

We’d be able to track down the victims and be able to complete our mission in one step.

(But…)

Kate: “You two will be recognized since the gang has a grudge against you…”

Kate: “Won’t you get kicked out of the casino before you even meet the owner…?”

Ellis: “Maybe we should hide our faces?”

Jude: “They’ll figure it out by our voices.”

Ellis: “Wouldn’t it be better if we just shut up?”

Kate: “… Are you sure…?”

(Um? Maybe we can infiltrate…?)

Jude: “….”

Ellis: “…….”

Jude and Ellis exchange glances without saying a word. 0386

I stared at them, holding my breath, and after a long moment of silence, Jude clicked his tongue.

(That probably means ‘It’s a hassle but I’ll do it.’)

When I glanced at Ellis and he nodded as if to say ‘that’s right’.

Jake: “I feel a bit like an outcast not being part of the conversation, so I’ll leave you to it, okay?”

Jake: “I don’t mean to offend you. Like I said I have an appointment to meet with someone at the casino!”

Ellis: “Ah, wait a minute.”

Jake: “Hm? Did you need something?”

Ellis: “Would you please let us be a part of your circus?”

Next Chapter | His Side Story

[skys-archive]

Living with a degenerative disease is genuinely the most frustrsting thing ive ever experienced.

I'm unsure of the cause at this point, but I'm experiencing a loss of fine motor skills. I'm already a very shaky person as is, but it hasn't affected my daily life. There would be problems but only very occasionally. It was just something about me that was a strange little quirk. The only super noticeably difference is that my handwriting went to absolute shit.

In the last two months, ive experienced a very drastic change in my fine motor abilities. Overall it's very hard to type and make my cross stitch patterns. I can't put on clasp necklaces it's hard to put on earrings, in my art I can never have a clean line because I'm shaking every time I try and it's really hard to erase just what I want.

Sometimes it gets really bad, where I really can't do anything fine motor related properly. I make typos that don't look enough like the real word to be auto corrected, that's happening while I'm typing this. It's hard to go back and correct the typos because I can't press the correct place on my screen to delete or add what I need. Swipe text has been really helpful with this but even that for some words doesn't really work. That's what I'm using now. Sometimes I can get a necklace on, but today I was trying and my fingers were shaking so hard that there was absolutely no hope in it. I kept trying and it just got so frustrating. I manged to get my earrings in but it was hard. I can never write with good handwriting. Bracing myself in things they can feel my shaking and twitching.

Its just so frustrating to watch all of the things I could do slowly get worse and worse. I want to draw, I want to do my fiber arts, I want to be able to choose my fucking style how I want it, I want to be able to tie my shoes. And it's so much worse knowing that I was able to and now I can't.

Honestly it's even worse knowing I'm not sure what's wrong. I have chronic lyme but that's not considered real, I was also diagnosed with mild tourrettes. Those both can have neurological symptoms. I've considered asking to be tested for multiple sclerosis and honestly I almost hope I have it because I want a "real" diagnosis.

I don't know. It's just so frustrating watching my body deteriorate.

[secret-sturniolo]

not fair - chris sturniolo

based off the prompt "you say you love me and then you say we can't be together. that is not fair!" by @creativepromptsforwriting

summary - when y/n is beginning to think Chris is leading her on, they have a serious conversation to try and work things out.

warnings - angsty as hell, a makeout sesh

a/n - i'm super proud of this one, so if you like it please show it some love <3

tags - @lea0518 @sturnphilia @bluesturniolo333 @ilovemattsturn @hearttshapedkisses (lmk if you want to be added)

Y/n's POV

Chris, Matt, Nick and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. We grew up together, went to school together, and when the boys moved to LA they asked me to come with them. During our teen years, Chris and I had both developed a crush on each other. He's the reason why I never had a boyfriend in highschool, why I hadn't had many of my firsts like other girls my age. I was waiting for him. But a girl can only wait so long before she starts to get frustrated.

It was the little things that left me hoping. The small moments we would share alone, the kisses on cheeks, the I love you's that seemed like it meant a little more than "just friends". But that was then, and this is now. It wasn't like he was talking to other girls, because he wasn't. He had made it clear that he was interested in me, so why the hell wasn't he doing anything about it?

Every time I tried to bring this up to him, he came up with some dumb excuse as to why he couldn't talk to me. He was busy, or he had a phone call to make, or he didn't feel good and needed to go home. It was always something. I let it go for a long time, but it started to get to me after a while. I wanted a boyfriend, I wanted companionship, and I wanted it to be him. I began to think that maybe it was me, maybe there was something wrong with me and I wasn't good enough. I got halfway down that rabbit hole before I finally decided that Chris and I needed to have a talk, whether he wanted to or not. I waited until Matt and Nick went to a meeting together, and it was just Chris and I sitting in the living room.

"Chris, we really need to talk. And before you come up with some dumb excuse for why you can't, just listen to me, please." I say, turning to him.

He seemed shocked at the sudden outburst, but instead of leaving he stayed quiet and nodded at me to continue. I inhaled deeply, thinking of what I wanted to say first.

"I can't keep going back and forth with you, Chris. You need to make up your mind, and decide what you really want."

His face twisted in confusion. "Y/n, I'm not sure what you mean."

"I think you know exactly what I mean." I said, beginning to get frustrated. "Do you know I've waited years for you? Do you know I have passed up plenty of offers to take me on dates because I was waiting for you to man up and ask me? Did you ever really mean it when you told me you loved me all those times?"

His eyes were wide as he tried to process everything that came out of my mouth.

"I- okay, that was a lot. Are you trying to tell me you think I'm leading you on or something?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Chris!"

"Seriously? Y/n, you know I love you."

I cut him off. "Then why haven't you done anything about it?"

He takes a deep breath, lowering his head. "Y/n, you know we can't do this. You're my best friend, think of what could happen! I'm sorry, but we can't."

I feel tears welling up as his words pierce through my chest. I tried to tell myself he doesn't know what he is saying, but I couldn't even believe myself.

"Really Chris? You say you love me and then you say we can't be together. That is not fair! Which one is it, really?" I cried, bracing myself for his answer.

He looked up to meet my eyes. "I'm sorry." He says, simply.

I stand up from the couch, hot tears making their way down my cheeks.

"Okay. Then were done." Was all I said before running upstairs to my room before he even had a chance to respond.

Chris's POV

Just as Y/n left, I heard the front door open. Perfect timing I thought sarcastically as my brothers walked in.

"Hey Chris! Where's y/n?" Nick asked me, oblivious to what had just happened.

This is when it started to sink in that I messed up. I put my head in my hands, with my elbows on my knees.

"I said some things I shouldn't have." I told my brothers the whole thing in a panic.

"Chris, you fucked up." Matt told me sternly, but calmly.

"You think I don't know that, Matt?" I said loudly.

"Why would you even say that? Why weren't you honest with her?" Nick questioned.

"I-, what do you mean?"

Nick sighed. "Are you really that dumb? Chris, everybody and their mother knows you like her. Why can't you see what's right in front of you, the girl of your dreams?"

Matt chimed in. "Chris, we know you're scared of commitment and all, but jeez. Man up. Now she thinks you don't like her, and she doesn't even know why."

I took a second, taking in everything that they had said to me. A wave of guilt washed over me. I knew I had to make this right, but how?

"What do I even do?"

Matt's gaze met mine. "Do you want her, or not?"

"Yes! Yes, I want her more than anything."

"Then you talk to her. Tell her the truth, that you didn't mean what you said, and that you were scared, but you want to be with her."

Nick rested his hand on my shoulder. "Trust me, she knows how you feel, but she wants to hear it from you. Otherwise it has less meaning."

I ran my fingers through my hair, letting out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding before standing up from my spot on the couch.

"Okay. I'll go talk to her."

Y/n's POV

I locked myself in my room before laying on my bed and letting the tears fall. All I could think about was how much of a waste this was. A waste of time, a waste of energy, and a waste of hope. I could hear muffled voices downstairs. I tried for a few minutes to listen to what the boys were saying, but I quickly gave up. The sound of my crying overtook anything that I could possibly pick up on.

To be honest, I was disappointed, but not surprised. Obviously I knew about his fear of commitment. I guess I was just hoping that I would be the exception, the lucky one who could "fix him". Boy, was I wrong. I'm not sure how long I just laid there before I heard a knock at my door. I knew exactly who it was.

"I don't want to talk to you, Chris."

"Y/n, please? I have some explaining to do, and I think I owe you an apology." he said through the door.

I chuckled, hurt. "Yeah, you think?"

I heard the doorknob jiggle, he didn't know I had locked it.

"Please, just hear me out. Can you unlock the door?"

I didn't respond right away, hoping he would just leave, but I could still see his shoes under my door. I sighed, giving in, and I got up to unlock the door. As soon as he felt the lock turn, he opened the door and we were face to face. I looked to the ground, moving aside so he could step through the doorway into my room. I moved to sit on my bed, motioning for him to sit down next to me. His face was filled with concern at the sight of my smudged makeup and runny mascara. I had obviously been crying. We sat in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke up.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. What I said earlier, I didn't mean any of it." He inhaled deeply. "I was scared to start something with you because I didn't want to lose you. And I know, it's stupid. But I have feelings that I don't know how to handle, y'know?"

I nodded to show I was listening, letting him continue.

"I've never loved anybody as much as I love you, Y/n, and I mean that. I thought that if we started something, that meant I was going to lose you. But I realized that the only way that I would lose you is if I don't get over myself and do something I should have done years ago."

Before letting me respond, he cupped my cheeks in his hands, quickly scanning my face for any signs of rejection. When I softly nodded my head, he cautiously placed his lips on mine, before deepening the kiss after a few moments. He pulled me into his lap, wanting to get closer to me. The movements of our mouths said everything that words couldn't. It just felt right, like in this moment, the whole world stopped and we were the only thing that mattered. When we both needed to catch our breaths, I was sat in his lap still, our foreheads pressed against one another.

"Y/n, I want more than anything for you to be my girlfriend." He said, practically pleading with me.

"I think you already know that answer, Chris." I said with a giggle. "Yes, of course I will be your girlfriend now that you finally asked." I joked.

He laughed, pulling me in for one more kiss.

"Let's go downstairs and break the news to my brothers, okay?"

And with that, he grabbed my hand, holding it proudly as we walked back downstairs.

Turns out I got my happy ending after all.

[sparring-spirals]

I need to yell about fcg and *specifically* this great post that you wrote ( https://www.tumblr.com/sparring-spirals/747570433506902016/okay-after-some-sleep-back-on-my-bullshit-lets ) because it made me realize that I really, truly hope Laura will remember she took off her circlet moments before the bang and Imogen had the chance to hear that fcg was at peace with this decision, not because they were trying to be a martyr, but because they had a true chance to save their friends, knowing full well that detonating *would* be a sacrifice because their life *did* matter.

(I hope sending asks is okay, sorry to barge in like this)

Ahw, hell yeah, glad the post hit hard, recontextualizing it in my head helped a lot with chewing through my feelings about. All of this. I'm always okay with asks!! As long as folks are aware I am not necessarily going to agree with every ask that comes in, and more critically, sometimes I disappear off the face of the Earth for a while, dont answer asks, and then feel too embarassed about answering them so much later/get asks about something I didnt watch, go "ah ill answer when i watch it" and then. Well.

(To the various people who sent the total 12 asks that have been sitting in my box for over a year now. I am. So sorry.)

Honestly, I didnt even think about the possibility that Imogen might have heard it, goddamn. Fascinating. I was fully bracing myself for Bell's Hells just- never knowing, and them having to grapple with it. Which. Takes me out at the knees, tbh. I hesitate to speculate on it too much when the episode is going to come out Thursday and probably prove me wrong, but. God, there's no world where the Bell's Hells would instinctively know that F.C.G had made the call with that attitude, and fuck, that puts all of it into a different light, clearly.

I'm a little apprehensive and tbh deeply curious to see how the Bell's Hells take this- the depth of the loss, the sudden nature of it, the victory against Otohan probably not even feeling that way. Maybe wanting to honor F.C.G's sacrifice but. Probably. And understandably. Angry at them for making that call, but he's not. Even there for them to be angry at. So what then? So what then? They can have all these feelings and have all these questions about why he did it, about what he was thinking, and he's not there to answer them, and that's the issue.

If Imogen did hear his last thoughts, this elevates it into a different kind of heartbreaking, but probably still easier overall. The world where they don't know. Is. A more tricky one to navigate, for sure.

But also if I'm being honest. I am not opposed to how the cast would have the Bell's Hells experience and explore that scenario. So i mean. I mean. I hope so too. But if Imogen didnt. Consider me buckled in for whatever happens.

[thepenultimateword]

Villain x henchman... Hurt/comfort please ... Fluff and angst

Sorry, this ended up a little more angst than fluff, but I hope you still enjoy!

...

"It's...so...cold."

Villain pressed both hands to the wound in Henchman's abdomen, willing the power--magic, destiny, fate, whatever strings they pulled at their fingertips--to save them.

"Henchman!" It escaped raw and laden with tears, dripping in large drops that streaked the grimy, slackening cheeks below them. "Henchman, no! No! Don't do this to me!"

Snap.

They felt the moment the strings on Henchman broke, like a marionette loosed from its cross brace on a dark stage, crumpling into nothing. One moment, their presence was there, heart beating up the threads and into Villain's hand. The next, they were falling out of reality.

Fast. Too fast.

This wasn't happening.

They had tickets for a play next week. A first date-iversery in a month. There was that dentist appointment Henchman needed a ride back from. And the unscheduled promise of a baking lesson still up in the air.

This couldn't be it.

And yet the strings fluttered, out of hand but still obviously and invisibly right in front of them, drifting to the bottom, if there even was such a thing, of the great unknown.

Until Villain snatched them back.

They weren't exactly sure how they did it. Only that while their corporeal hands staunched a hopeless wound, something discarnate and ephemeral still grasped. They caught the broken threads with a sharp jerk, reeling Henchman's spirit back with the anxious zeal of a fisherman's catch. And as the being that was Henchman settled back against their bones, the wound began to mend, knotted and callused, beneath Villain's palms.

Henchman shot up with a gasp, forcing Villain to lurch back to avoid a collision.

They blinked around the room slowly, taking in the broken glass, bloody floors, and strewn bodies of heroes.

"Where...?"

"Henchman!"

Their head turned and took Villain in slowly, like a confusing museum painting that felt important but ultimately meaningless. It took them a long minute before recognition finally flashed their features.

"Villain?"

Villain tackled them, pinning them to the floor with a stubborn hug. The tears had only grown harder.

"My love." A salty kiss to the corner of their eye. "Oh, my love." Another to their cheek, their jaw, then finally their tightened lips. They pulled back from the stiffness. "Henchman?"

They stared up at them with something like pain. "What happened, Villain?"

Villain hesitated. They didn't need to say it, did they? It hadn't really happened. They'd stopped it. And maybe they were wrong. Maybe they just thought it had been death. Maybe it was unconsciousness. After all, they were right here.

Yet, something in Henchman's face told them a lie--to themself or otherwise--would not help, may not even be believed.

"You died."

Henchman stared steadily onward. "How long?"

"A--A few seconds I think."

That detail seemed to shock them more than the fact that they'd been dead. Their mouth parted, and their eyebrows raised high, cracking the crust of blood on their forehead.

"Henchman?" Villain said again.

Henchman gently pushed Villain off, slipping their palm into the tattered hole of their shirt to feel the badly healed knot in the center of their chest.

"Oh, Villain, what did you do." Not really a question. Their tone said that they already knew. Better than Villain somehow.

Why did they sound sad? Villain saved them! Everything was ok now! A defensive cry rushed to their lips anyway. "Y-you died! I felt you go! didn't...I was so scared, I could feel what ties you here falling, so I just...I just grabbed them again. But...but they were broken, so I tied you myself."

It was amazing really. A miracle. But Henchman only looked tired.

Still, as they looked into Villain's anxious eyes, still shiny from tears, they smiled. Their thumbs wiped the remaining wetness and settled gently on their cheekbones. "It's alright, my love. I'm so happy to see you."

***

Henchman's wound was completely healed, not just scabbed over, but really healed, through and through. Still, Henchman was a little shaky on their feet, and Villain took no time before immediately scooping them into their arms.

Henchman let their head fall into the hollow of Villain's collarbone. "I forgot how this felt," they murmured.

How? Villain wanted to ask. They wanted to ask lots of things. Why was Henchman being so weird? Why were they so calm about dying? Why was there this underlying feeling that Villain had done something wrong?

But Villain didn't actually want to know. Not right now. Right now they wanted home. And everything back to normal.

"Is my place ok?" Villain said. "I'd rather keep an eye on you in case..."

In case I lose you again.

"Sure." Henchman fisted Villain's shirt and leaned a little deeper into their arms. "Let's go to your place."

When they arrived, Henchman looked around for a long time. They had enough balance to stand, so they began peeking around the clutter and furniture.

"Like stepping into a memory..."

It was so soft maybe they hadn't meant to say it out loud.

Villain caught their hand. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Henchman smirked as they guided them into the bathroom. "I think you're the one who needs cleaned up."

Only then did Villain feel their own coating of blood and grime. Testaments of the ambush that lingered fresh, and yet so distant, in the corners of their mind.

"I don't want to--"

"Then stay." Henchman gazed around the bathroom, searching the cabinet and then the drawer before selecting a plush, bleach-stained washcloth and running it under the sink's warm water. They pulled Villain down to the shower rug and began gently dabbing at the blood crusted into their hairline.

Villain felt frozen under their diligent stare. A look as unsettling as it was enthralling. Like they were recommitting every inch of Villain's face to memory.

"You have such pretty eyes," they said, stroking their finger down Villain's brow.

Villain shivered a little. Why did that sound so...distant? Like they were being reminded of a fact?

"Henchman...how long were you gone?"

Henchman smiled, finishing up on their hairline and dragging the cloth down the curve of their face, almost like a caress. "Many years. I suppose time works differently in the beyond than it does here.

Villain's heart clenched. Breath caught. Muscles tight.

"W-what--What did I do?"

Henchman's lips tightened, and their free hand went to their healed wound. But even with something sad behind their eyes, they looked at Villain kindly, lovingly. "You knotted my mortal ties, tethering my spirit permanently to this plane. I will never die again."

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[bursting-at-the-memes]

'Lungs' Sentence starters

Dog Days are Over: -"Happiness hit her like a train on a track." -"Leave all your love and your longing behind." -"I never wanted anything from you." -"Can you hear the horses?" "The horses are coming, so you better run."

Rabbit Heart: -"How quickly the glamour fades." -"Was that the wrong pill to take?" -"You made a deal and now it seems to have to offer up." -"It seems I've made the final sacrifice." -"This is a gift, it comes with a price." -"Who is the lamb and who is the knife?" -"I wish that I could just be brave."

I'm Not Calling You A Liar: -"Don't lie to me." -"Just stop haunting me." -"There's a ghost in my lungs." -"When you kiss me I'm happy enough to die."

Howl: -"If you could only see the beast you've made of me." -"I howl when we're apart." -"Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest." -"The saints can't help me now." -"I want to find you, tear out all your tenderness." -"Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers."

Kiss With A Fist: -"You hit my once I hit you back." -"You smashed a plate over my head." -"I set fire to our bed." -"My black eye casts no shadow." -"A kiss with a fist is better than none." -"I broke your jaw once before." -"Sit back and watch the bed burn."

Girl With One Eye: -"She told me not to step on the cracks." -"Pretty little thing stopped me in my tracks." -"That's the price she'll pay." -"Get your filthy fingers out of my pie." -"I'll cut your little heart out 'cause you made me cry."

Drumming Song: -"There's a drumming noise inside my head and it starts when you're around." -"It makes such an almighty sound." -"I hoped that they would clear my mind." -"As I move my feet towards your body I can hear this beat." -"I pray that the water will drown out the din." -"It couldn't wash the echoes out." -"It swallows me whole, until there's nothing left inside my soul."

Between Two Lungs: -"We are all too young to die." -"Breath passed from you to me." -"It flew between us as we slept." -"Gone are the days of begging." -"No more gasping for a breath." -"I can see the ground far below." -"I have this breath and I hold it tight."

Cosmic Love: -"A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes." -"You left me in the dark." -"I'm always in this twilight." -"I can hear your heartbeat." -"I was in the darkness, so darkness I became." -"You were in the darkness too. So I stayed in the darkness with you."

My Boy Builds Coffins: -"He doesn't build ships, he has no use for sails." -"He can't carve a whistle 'cause he just doesn't care." -"It's not just for work." -"I think it's a shame that when each one's been made he can't see it again." -"It just isn't fair."

Hurricane Drunk: -"No walls can keep me protected." -"You can't save me now." -"I'm in the grip of a hurricane." -"I brace myself because I know it's going to hurt." -"At least things can't get any worse." -"I don't want shelter." -"I hope that you see me, because I'm staring at you." -"I've never felt so alive, and so dead." -"I'm going out."

Blinding: -"Seems that I have been held in some dreaming state." -"No gentle word can wake me from this slumber." -"Felt it in my fists, in my feet." -"No more dreaming like a girl so in love." -"I never could go back."

You've Got The Love: -"I know I can count on you." -"You've got the love I need to see me through." -"The going is just too rough." -"Things go wrong no matter what I do." -"When food is gone, you are my daily meal."