#i hope i fail this test really
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Had my spinal tap (lumbar puncture in dr terms) just now. I had to curl up like a shrimp, then the doc numbs the spot on your lower back. Then he stabs you with another needle and wiggles it till he can find a gap in your spine bones. OW!
Passing out would have been great, 0 out of 10. Pressure inside your spine is a new and unique owchie. And my spine wouldn't give him a gap for minutes! But then he got in and it was smooth sailing from there.
Got two vials of spine fluid. It looks and has a viscosity like clear nail polish, or resin.
Now to get my blood fluid stolen.
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"This person, who not so long ago searched for herbs with me so earnestly....
"It's too sudden. There's so much everyone wants to say, wants to hear.
"If only he could open his eyes one more time..."
If funerals are for the living, what of one's final moments? For whom do they exist? Is it okay to force wakefulness one more time, even if it should cause pain?
EDIT: @keidokusha has translated this to Vietnamese:
Many thanks to them!
#orv#orv spoilers#lee seolhwa#there really isnt much about her written originally or in fanart that I've seen#i would imagine as his state becomes more precarious the usual drugs or methods don't work on him as well#and some substances might not be available anymore#so this is lsh testing out something that might wake him up#she does it at night so no one else is around just in case the result is bad#the party shouldnt see him in danger or in pain#but that also includes lsh too#her own helplessness in the face of kdj's situation must be crushing#to see the party expecting her to save him and not be able to answer those hopes#she's supposed to be the best!!#between her and aileen what problem could they not fix?#and when she fails the party can walk away but she must stay and watch him disintegrate#i feel that would have some hard repercussions on a person#oseiart#vietnamese translation
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more of theemmmmmm exams are over so i can thik abt them forever (i was already doing that)
#i was really freaked out abt one of my tests and just kept telling myself#“monkey d luffy would also fail this exam” in hopes it'd make me less stressed#and like lowkey it worked. and i passed#celebrating with kidkiller yaaayyyy#kidkiller#eustass captain kidd#eustass kid#kid one piece#massacre soldier killer#killer one piece#law is also here but im not tagging him sorry#kidler#one piece#one piece fanart#my art
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Ok I heard Pac is doing the Fallout watchparty in a few days (?) and his VOD won't be saved either, so I'm frickin learning how to use OBS solely so I can record the entire thing WITH subtitles.
#i talk#qsmp talk#me trying and failing to record Cellbit's VOD: ah well at least the other archivists are doing it#me hearing Pac is doing a stream that won't save: I need a PHD on how to use OBS#being in this frickin community has taught me so much random tech stuff#the audio kinda isn't great but the tests are going really well#thank u for being my test subject and being live right now Cellbit#Edit: ok I THINK I've fixed the audio issue. I just hope it'll be ok day-of
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people who look down on GEDs are repulsive filth actually <3
#'it's better than a GED' she says about someone who stayed in highschool till they were 21 years old#'no wonder you couldnt graduate highschool and had to get a ged you have horrible reading comprehension'#neither of these things were said about me but they were said in front of me. one of these people knew i have a GED.#it took me 12 days to get my GED vs 12 years fucking around in highschool.#I failed almost every single class in highschool yet when i took the GED i scored 18-20 on every single test. this is OUT of 20. 20 being#college-level understanding.#highschool is a major waste of time and guess what... some kids genuinely need to drop out to take care of their families#to get jobs. to babysit. to care for their grandparents#you are so incredibly classist when you look down on GEDs. bc guess what? employers do not care.#colleges do not care.#no one fucking cares.#and if they do? they dont need the time of day#or really even oxygen. bc theyre wastes of space <3#hope this helps
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I may have a lot of criticisms about the No Kid Left Behind policy changes, but in hindsight, at least theyer the reason I can proudly say I'm a highschool drop out instead of a middle school drop out.
#anyways the Gringito post made me go dig up some old school records and stuff since my memory of the time is toasted#and finding my old report cards that my parents didn't let me see were something#you can really spot the exact semester i started dying. i went from straight As to getting fails in every class due to not showing up#andnnot turning things in#I still tested higher than any of my peers and got As on everything i did turn in but fuck was i sick#You know its dire when you're flat fs report card only has teachers notes about you being lovely to have in class and hoping you get better#anyways dont try to treat EDS with chemo it doesn't work <3
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an uncle nina check in <3
hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333
i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<
i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!
and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.
however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...
makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333
so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,
uncle nina xx
#nina speaks#hi my loves#idk what the point of this was#i just know my blog is really inconsistent and i know i dont really post anything or anything that useful#but i wanted you to know that i love you very much and i still care a lot about all of you and all my content actually#which i have been fleshing out in notebooks and google docs i've been doing lots of world building and character study#so feel free to ask me something challenging about any part of my nina sp auniverse that interests u itll make my brain work#i've also been taking very silly but dilligent notes abt what ravesey style looks like for ter so if u want to laff at those u can#i just love taking notes on detail and understanding exactly what characters look like or what settings appear like idk#might be some experimental writing on here i like doing different mediums like i was being silly#and started writing a netflix trailer for rm haha i also have been doing weird personality tests and questionnaires#i've been trying to think very deeply about tkak and my tfbw styles if u have any questions there and am deep plotting rm#trying to be impactful while also keeping things fun and learning to enjoy myself again i suppose#so again thakn u for being here sorry its weird on here but thank u for supporting me as i learn and grow my sunshines#also ik i have a ton of asks and uve already asked me so many things so never feel inclined to message me#but i love hearing what ur curious about hopefully i can answer some stuff eventually but again im on a break#i'm here but i'm not this is a safe place we try and fail we have fun and promote style world domination thru my weird styles#ilysm i'm shutting up now i promise i'm still here i'm just trying to be healthy and happy esp rn when i am not emotionally well#gotta protect my peace and my vibe palace but im still here!#MWAH MWAH MWAAAAAH#really trying to heal my inner child or like the girl in me that liked to write silly stories and create crazy things#weird hcs big dramatic plots silly stuff...i want to honor that girl because she was happy and free and had fun#and i want to do that again so lets have fun guys#no judgement no seriousness just good vibes and good reads#welcome to the uncle nina learns to laugh again arc#i hope you enjoy it
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#tw vent i guess??#came here just to post smth that i'm most probably gonna delete later then leave#but aughhhh last week has been SO bad i really really needed to get it off my chest#had the final boss of a sick victorian child episode for like two weeks AND tons of college stuff to do-#-AND a test on a subject that i'm horrible at (and that i'm gonna fail fs)#AND i was supposed to get a septum which is something that i'd been looking forward to for literal YEARS#but upon telling my parents about it (cause they're kinda strict and ig they would like to know) i changed my mind#cause my mom took it SO personally.... like it was HER face not mine?🤨 but hey!#and although i had the decency to at the very least let her know that i was getting a piercing (which wasn't necessary for me to do but-#-i did it anyway out of consideration for her)#she has the fucking SPINE to tell me how i could do whatever the fuck i wanted if i cared more about getting it than about her opinion-#-but she would always think it was disgusting and that i had no right to get angry at her if she didn't look me in the face or#wanted to walk or be with me cause it'd make her embarrassed to be with me in public if i had that shit on my face.#and it hurts a lot not just bc of the fuckass piercing. but bc my parents (esp my mom) always react like this whenever i make a little-#-change on my appearanceor cut my hair or buy oversized clothes or whateverand like#if she's gonna be soooo hurt when i get a tiny piece of metal on my face. how is she gonna react when i tell her i want to get tattoos.#start taking hormones. change my name. get top and bottom surgery. be completely changed physically.#is she gonna die is the world gonna end. is she just going to stop talking to me forever.#because a piercing is not just a decoration. to me right now it's an extension of the changes i want to undergo on my body.#it's a step forward to looking the way i want too look#so a rejection to any change i do on my body feels like an indirect rejection to be being trans. and the fact that they're unaware of#just how deep their rejection cuts (bc i'm not out) makes me even angrier at them.#and upon the realization that if i ever came out to my mom (and the rest of my family too tbh) she would react *exactly* like this.#well. i did not take that very well.#wasn't very demure of her to say all that. not very mindful not very cutesy :/#also been sh-ing more bc if this and ughhh what a shit week. hope this one's better#also. i decided i'm still gonna get a septum this year. don't know when but fuck all that. it's gonna bother them all the same#no matter what time of the year i get it done. or if i do it in a year or two or five. so who gives a shit.#anyway. gonna delete later probably#📎
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theory test today i just cannot fail
#its so exhausting just give me the easy questions 😭#all the tests i took today i got 49 or 50. but idk how that will translate to the actual tst#bc idk the difficulty level..#lets just hope i know enough and have common sense#i usually do well with hazard perception lets just hope they dont think im cheating..#ughh i really really dont want to fail like the test centre is an hour drive away and its such a hassle to do it
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"My brother had no regard for her; his pleasures were not what they ought to have been, and from the first he treated her unkindly. The consequence of this, upon a mind so young, so lively, so inexperienced as Mrs. Brandon’s, was but too natural. She resigned herself at first to all the misery of her situation; and happy had it been if she had not lived to overcome those regrets which the remembrance of me occasioned. But can we wonder that, with such a husband to provoke inconstancy, and without a friend to advise or restrain her[...] she should fall?" - Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
#jane austen#sense and sensibility#literature#the level of sympathy and compassion and understanding of the human heart#we think of historical eras as either moral and right or depraved always one or the other#and that the morality of the first was upheld by the stern treatment of anyone who acted out#and by extension that depravity is brought on by a lack of rigidity#but the struggles and paradoxes that are part of being human were just as real and just as common and people DID understand them#its only the base and unimaginative who think everyone can be fit into one righteous box if they just try hard enough#never acknowledging times they failed their own standards or maybe without ever having been tested at all#its easy for someone who is happy to judge someone who is unhappy#and we have always known this and it's always been true but we're still dealing with the same unbending personalities who are so loud#just the other day i was in an internet fight where multiple people were claiming that if someone says no to regular sex they are cheating#the possibility that they just have a low sex drive or are going through something was called an exception too rare to matter#the possibility that people are different and not everyone wants the same amount of sex and sex is really very awful when you dont want it#was laughed and sneered at. whats more a partner who accepts their partners sex drive for what it is was called a beta lol#being compassionate and understanding of people you love = beta behavior LOL LOL#this is why we cant have nice things. relationships should be based on support and communication and openness#to the reality that people change sometimes in ways we like and sometimes in ways we dont. nothing is forever.#my two thoughts that entire thread: i hope the men who read this arent intimidated out of standing up for their female partners. and#i hope the women reading this understand you have to believe in yourself despite all of it. despite everything the world throws at you.#of course women can be mean and selfish just as much as men and of course mens needs and feelings matter and so does keeping commitments#but no one has a crystal ball and if you enter a relationship expecting things will always be A Certain Way you're in for a rude awakening#especially if all you do to promote what you want is to badger and pressure and shame your partner for being an imperfect human#tangent but its just these things are so timeless. we should know better now. there's got to be something wrong with us that we don't
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Greetings, I'm taking my driver's test tomorrow (my third test, first two were five years ago) and I am Very Nervous about it, will gladly accept any good vibes and will report back with my results when possible
As I did for my wisdom teeth surgery, I'm going to wear my Vax shirt for confidence
Edit: passed!! huzzah!!!
#critical role#vax'ildan#anxitey#I'm trying to be brave#failing two driver's tests taught me that i really am not good at failing things and i need to accept failure#just gay and hoping to soon be able to drive a car
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my head hurts from crying so much lol
#cried at a lecture today#ive been failing almost all my tests on all subjects#im really not doing good academically and mentally#i was sobbing after class and crying out i wanna die to my friends in the school elevator like 5 hours ago haha#i hope i get better 😊#izza💭#it's been a shitty week#oh. and tomorrow's my birthday lol#i feel like hell. i also feel my period coming i think the wanting to die and crying in public is a direct effect of this jskdk
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being the same age as most long term lolitas were when they started getting into it but its different now bc there is just so much less of a community it feels like... like for me i feel more like i am finding a lot of individuals but no local communities bc its just rlly died down i think... like i found a 2013 pph article about a lolita meetup downtown. i dont think that wld happen now even if i COULD find a local community
#i think if theres not a lolita tea party/panel this year at pcm i will host one next year...#by then ill have been actively in the subculture for like a year and ill know a little more.. rn im JUST starting out i wld have no clue#what to do... but like i have ideas for stuff that wld be soo fun and ive always wanted to host/participate in an event or panel#once i was picked to participate in the fandom state alchemist test or w/e its called but then they wldnt let me after they saw my boot#which was so fail bc i absolutely cld have done tthe challenges with a broken foot. BLAH anyway#or like i hope they try the jfashion show again UGH probably not since it had to be cancelled due to lack of participation...#i jst would looove to have lolita friends in the area... idk how successful i wld be at converting someone and my sibling doesnt count#or ONE lolita friend... i only know of one lolita in maine and shes pretty well known in the NA lolita community from what i can tell so#ive met her a couple times actually she is very nice. idk what i am trying to say tbh#im more open to making friends at pcm in a lolita context and not a cosplay context bc every cosplayer ive interacted with for more than a#passing comment or picture turned out to be like umm a freak#or one of my moms students <- student who made all the dresses for the haunted town tour cosplaying kanaya that one year and then me showin#my mom the meetup pictures and her going omg.... thats d///////#she was a really really incredibly seamstress btw her costumes were beautiful. anyway. iconic.#i think probably i havent talked to anyone in a while and it is wearing me down i have to make these massive posts every day
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GAAAAAAAH WHY DOES SUNDAY HAVE TO BE OVER WITH SO SOON???
#On one hand#I know I need to progress with learning how to drive#My parents are getting impatient.#And I need to get a job no matter how small so that I can have my own source of income and BE OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR ONCE#But I also dread stuff like failing the written test#or crashing#or parking weirdly#I dunno I can't really hope to hold this off any longer
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doing a summer math review thing and i am once again soooo mad at my teacher last year like she straight-up did not teach us half of this stuff
#some of it's from like two grade levels below me too ... my math skills are in SHAMBLES this is really embarrassing#we spent like half the year reviewing the same two chapters because most of the class kept failing the tests#because she didn't explain anything well!! and she sucked!!#also it's on ixl and i HATE ixl i hope it falls into the well with danny strong#.txt
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was freaking out about how I was going to fail this one stupid seminar class that's for SOME REASON a graduation requirement and thinking there's no way I'm getting above a 60 in it because there are only 10 assignments for the whole semester and all of them are weighted equally and all of them SUCK and are exactly the stuff I hate doing and I've been super behind in the class for the past 3 months so basically I'm screwed and then uh. my four missing assignments got put in as zeroes and my grade only dropped to a 58. WHICH IS BAD. but if I turn them in and get 50s on all of them and then get a 90 on the culminating paper (WHICH IS WEIGHTED THE SAME AS THE OTHER ASSIGNMENTS FOR SOME REASON BUT WHATEVERRRRR) I'll have a solid 76. WHICH IS NOT GREAT. BUT IT'S NOT FAILING. GUYS I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL
#the only time ive ever failed a class was in 8th grade and my lowest grade since then was a brief 79 in 10th grade#physics c senior year humbled me so much with my raw test scores being in the 40s but like even then i had an 87 overall#because the ap curve was so insane#so basically. im not used to getting bad grades#i dont LIKE the idea of having a c in this class but its better than a d or f#and theres really nothing more i can do except turn my stuff in and hope for the best#ive been pretty good at sticking to the department late policy protocol but the emails are embarrassing to send tbh#im supposed to give advance notice of late assignments (ie send an email before the due date) and give a reason for it being late#but what reason can i possibly give#'hello proffie ^_^ the paper due at 11:59 today will be late for...reasons. ill turn it in eventually i prommy ^_^ btw i hate your class'#jokes aside i thought this woman was awful for the first 2 months or so and was terrified of approaching her#but after hanging out in her office hours a couple times ive realized shes actually pretty chill and knows what shes doing#i was so scared shed hate me somehow but apparently she likes me enough to make the department late penalty a little less harsh on me#so thats kind of her#and i did give a reason for the late work#unmedicated adhd + inexplicable burnout + general inability to do anything when overwhelmed#and now she seems sorta worried about me even though she still doesnt remember my name or face#but anywaayyyyyyy i have TWO DAYS to turn all my missing work in DEAR GOD#WHAT DO I DO#HELP#I CANT DO THIS#BUT I CANT JUST HAVE A 58 IN THIS CLASS EITHER#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#ech.txt
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