#especially if all you do to promote what you want is to badger and pressure and shame your partner for being an imperfect human
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ddaenghoney · 5 years ago
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chapter eighteen
masterlist link in blog description.
As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.
Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N
disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.
Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)
Chapter warning(s): physical confrontation as well as mob mentality in that there’s a small group verbally harassing OC in a scene; nothing gets too severe, but the repetitive badgering could make some uncomfortable. OC speaking her mind a lot.
Word count: 6057
if you enjoy please, please let me know!
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On weekdays Namjoon’s cafe is generally flocked with business workers in the early morning. An inconspicuous assortment of people walking in only long enough for a to-go order to be acquired before they whisk back out the doors in their commute. With the constant flow and few amounts of people that sit down to chat and relax, you choose it as the location to meet with the leader of a girl group from SoundWave you were quite fond of.
Through a series of overly polite texts, she requested a chat to catch up, and you have a feeling there’s more to it than that. You stir your coffee with the straw, watching the ice go in a circle over and over, while contemplating what the other thing she wants to discuss is. There’s no reason for her to want to wake up before her schedule just to catch up, especially not when her group will start promotion for a comeback at the beginning of the next month.
You have an inkling of why she’s going out of her way, but a large part of you hopes to be wrong. You want to assume you left the artists you worked with with a better image than the one swarming around in your head due to sensitivity. If you’re wrong, it would make you happier, and if you are right you are not sure how you will take her opinion.
“Y/N,” Your head lifts as a voice comes from beside you. Brightly she smiles, removing sunglasses from her eyes and keeping her beret style hat secure on top of properly styled straight hair.
“Jihyo, it’s good to see you.” You can’t help a warm greeting in return, undeniably glad to see a familiar face that you’ve never had a problem with. If the people around the cafe were not rushing in and out so haphazardly, you would even take the moment to give her a hug, but an accumulation of increased awareness lately, causes you to simply gesture for her to follow along as you take your drink. “My friend’s the owner and said we could use this meeting room to talk.”
“This is the place you always brought drinks from then?” She comments as she walks in your trail, giving a sweet smile to Namjoon as the two of you pass him by.
“Yeah,” You nod your head, using the previously claimed key to open the doors. “His coffee’s my favorite. Maybe I’m biased though.”
“I’ll grab some on the way out. I’ve been missing it since you used to bring it for meetings.”
You fumble needlessly putting the keys securely in your pocket, nodding your head at her words as you switch the lights on. Recalling the people-- generally artists gives you a difficult time rationalizing your decision to walk away from the company. If it weren’t for how you were ignored for credit, you really would not have left. Even with Yerin in charge looming over everyone with her calculative manipulations, you could get over that because the coworkers you saw everyday made it endurable. Comfortable.
“I was actually kind of surprised to hear you wanted to meet up, to be honest with you.” You sit in one of the chairs surrounding the table. You leave your glass on the wood where you’re sure to forget it quickly. Jihyo sits a seat away on the same side, simply dragging it out to angle it towards you. “I doubt I’m a company favorite right now.”
“It’s pretty divided actually.” She admits, brushing back her hair from covering the faintest of smiles. “Empathizing or thinking you’re acting insane.”
You bite your lip. Which side of the line she stands on you’re sure to find out soon.
“No one expected the thing with Min Yoongi either,” She laughs slightly, without joy. Ironically. “Who would think he’d put himself out there like that-- get fired because of those songs.”
She doesn’t look at you as she speaks, so the discomfort slipping into your eyes is never seen. Like you expect from the employees of SoundWave, they all still view Yoongi distantly. Granted, his involvement in releasing music with you is still a shocking thing to consider as reality. Moments occur where you still worry if you’ve ruined something big for him, but his excitement about conceptualizing a new company of his own sets you at ease.
“Are you both dating now?”
You look up from your lap, finding Jihyo’s eyes to be tame and her lips curled in a giddy way. As though the conversation really is two people catching up without a more grand issue looming in the background. Accepting this moment of simplicity, you don’t stop your mouth from smiling in return. Your head nods in small, but quick jerks. Still new to telling, but you enjoy that you’re able to say,
“Yeah, we decided to become a couple almost two weeks ago.”
“That’s really cute.” Her words beam brightly like the little bop of her shoulders, finding this news nice. “He always seemed so hard to approach-- I think because of how popular he is, I guess.” She rambles along as her fingers push straying locks from her face. “Then again, I’m sure you both had things in common… Both of you being producers and songwriters and all that.”
Contrasting her initial endeared temperament, the reminder Jihyo’s final sentence seems to instill in the forefront of her mind causes her voice to drift into a quieter murmur. She stares towards your melting drink, a hand atop her thigh squeezing to cause wrinkles in the denim she wears.
Finding her remaining silent, you do nothing to fill in the gap with words. Instead, your eyes remain on her, realizing that Jihyo likely means to say whatever is pressuring her shoulders. Her mouth opens slowly, a word apparently clinging to her conscious and away from being said, but she manages to shove the thought out entirely,
“Are you going to tell everyone about everything you made at SoundWave?”
Your heartbeat feels like it rumbles for a short moment in your chest as she asks. The expression on your face remains poised, and you’re more surprised with yourself that you aren’t shocked by her question than you anticipated. Its presence in the air resembles, to you, a draft. You wish it wouldn’t be here, but you aren’t frustrated. Simply expected this.
Collecting your condensated glass into your hand, you take a languid sip, mulling over a reply to her. Frankly, you find yourself remaining in limbo on the topic. In some ways you want nothing more than to scream about all of your production in songwriting to everyone, but maybe you didn’t need to.
“It really,” Jihyo’s voice chips her phrasing like she isn’t sure whether to interrupt your processing, but she goes on. “Would be so bad for us-- us idols. We,” She stammers as you place the glass back on the table so casually, missing your furrowing eyebrows confused at her suddenly timid disposition, “We never wanted you or everyone to make everything for us, Y/N. So many of us want to make our own music. We didn’t want to take credit for everything you made-- you know my group especially didn’t.”
Your lips purse into a line, spine straightening slightly as her plead completes. Like your contract with SoundWave, every idol you are positive had clauses they should have reconsidered or questioned. Considering the chance of a lifetime in front of the people like Jihyo obviously they would overlook the idea that they would not produce their own music-- most likely satiated with the idea that after gaining experience they would be able to create as well.
You realize this. Undoubtedly, the majority of idols and groups did not ever want to claim your songs as their own, but had no choice other than to do so. Ever since the feeling of unfairness started springing within yourself to receive credit, this factor has prevented you from blindly going to the press with your story. You don’t want to ruin all of their careers.
“Jihyo,” You begin as your fingers curl atop the table, loosely forming a fist. “I don’t know if I’m going to tell anyone about it. I really want to, honestly, but-”
“You’ll ruin all of us!” Your lips clamp shut as she suddenly bursts out. “Y/N, I know it sucks for you-- I really do; but this isn’t about you. This is everyone’s careers!” Your hand tenses further as she groans, rubbing her face with her hands. “Don’t you know how many all-nighters, how many days-off, how much we-- I’ve given up to make it this far-”
“You’ve given up?” You say like a knife in her sentence. Your eyes narrow as Jihyo looks at you with startled confusion at your interruption, her hands pausing from rubbing her neck. “Jihyo, regardless of if I was involved, your schedule was always going to be that harsh as an idol.” Her mouth peeks open uncertainly, but you speak on, “Do you know how many things I’ve given up too? You’re not the only one who pulls all-nighters, and gives up personal time, but at least when you give it up you get rewarded with people knowing who you are, meanwhile I get to watch them all think all the work I put into everything was something you did-- what all of you get to claim you did.”
“I know, but-”
“You never even stood up for me.” Jihyo’s eyes widen as though she can see the betrayal of your statement-- the unhidden spite firing in your irises. “None of you ever tried to change anything. You say you never wanted to do any of it, but you all aren’t ever going to try and change it, are you? Watching me get shut down each time was answer enough.”
“Why should I have to fight for any change?” She shoves her words out in haste, appearing defensive as her arms cross. “If you hadn’t noticed, it won’t work. We all get our careers thrown away if everyone were to find out.”
“Because it’s wrong!” Your words loudly propel you forward, leaning towards Jihyo in your seat as she shifts back into hers. “You know it’s wrong! You’re all lying to everyone and letting me be the dirty secret of the fucking company and I’m just supposed to accept it? I’m just supposed to start over from nothing all because none of you have any kind of guts to admit that I’m the one who made your chart-toppers!”
Concern runs rampant in Jihyo’s eyes, mouth remaining gaped as you stare at her with even, full breaths heaving in your chest. Clamping her lips together, she glances towards your drink for no reason other than to avoid your lingering eyes that blister every nerve of guilt swarming in her mind. Shoulders tensing when she listens to you scoff, she wills herself to remain silent from timid retorts as you speak up once more in a voice barely louder than the sound of the clock on the wall.
“Why is it that I’m the only one ever asked to suffer in silence?”
Jihyo blinks her eyes tightly together, building a wall out of every ounce of strength to refrain from the hollow apologies that she realizes would do nothing for you. All she can do is stay in her bubble, presented on the stage with her members as the image given to them by SoundWave. The liberty you explain a desire for isn’t something she can take hold of, especially if her group’s reputation is smashed to pieces by what you could say to clear your name.
“Y/N, I know it’s never been fair of anyone to use you like this-- to always erase your name from everything you’ve created.” Her voice drips frailty off of words intended to appear sound with reason. Composure is lost on her and you can see it as she talks without reaffirming eye contact. You acknowledge the weight in her throat likely at odds with what she feels convicted to ask of you as well, and it makes you feel sorry for her. “But SoundWave isn’t going to do this anymore-- they’re going to let us write our own music now and credit properly, so it’s over at least.”
Your heart drops like a weight towards the ground, eyes instinctively narrowing at her words. Within moments you feel a tremble ricochet throughout your shoulders, and when Jihyo finally tests a tiny look in your direction you know your reaction is not the one she wished for.
“What-” You stutter out the words, shocked beyond belief that a switch in the company had been so simply flipped. She’s able to tell you this so lightly as if the decision came with ease following your leave. “I,” A ball in your throat feels made of metal, scraping your words into fury as you speak slowly, “That was all I ever wanted from them, and they do that now. They do that after I quit.”
“Y/N-” You stand up cutting off Jihyo’s statement before it begins. Shaking your head, you let out a single breathy laugh as your hands clench at your sides,
“I can’t believe this.” You mutter and start an exit from the room, ignoring the clattering on wooden floors behind you as Jihyo stands up.
“Wait, where are you going?” She asks without the sound of footsteps under her words, and you don’t care to look back as you reply simply,
“Away from here. I can’t take listening to this crap anymore, Jihyo.”
Without missing a beat, you pull open the door and exit back into the main cafe space. Remnants of the morning rush cause a small line to linger along with busy employees completing their tasks. Namjoon catches sight of you as you walk along, but doesn’t attempt any wave of goodbye as he notes the contortion in your eyebrows as you quickly mash keys on your phone. He only bites his lip and continues filling paper cups full of hot coffee.
You have no hesitation in turning left down the street to walk northwards, but no destination is in mind as you do so. All you do is exhale a sigh to release some of the frustration while the repetition of a dial tone vibrates in your eardrum.
“Hello?” Yoongi’s voice rings clear on the other side of the line along with the clicking tone of a car blinker.
“Hey,” You say in response, crossing your free arm so that your hand can squeeze the opposite elbow. “Were you busy?”
“No, just on the way to pick you up from the cafe actually.” He says easily as you nod your head gently. Walking slowly upwards on the sidewalk you have little time to tell him a new location before Yoongi’s voice gently inquires, “How’d it go?”
“Bad.” You say as the news stings like a dagger in your mind. Huffing, you shake your head, “SoundWave’s going to start letting them all make their own music. Credit properly.”
“What?” Yoongi’s voice sounds baffled and you can imagine his neck tensing rigidly with lips frowning at the implication of your words. You nod your head despite him being unable to see you.
“Right? After all the shit they said about it never being possible for me.” Yoongi listens to the frailty of your words, realizing that this news must hurt you so much to have heard. He bites his lips, hands gripping tighter on the steering wheel as he turns a corner,
“I’m so sorry, angel. I should be there in a few minutes and we can go somewhere to talk about it-”
Yoongi’s voice falters away from your ear due to a swift grip on the back of the arm holding the phone. Instinctively, you pull your arm towards yourself as you take a step away from whoever grabbed you. The sole of your shoe presses flat on the concrete as you turn, facing the face of someone you’ve never seen before in your life.
As words scurry around your head in confusion, you say nothing as you take in the appearance of the girl about your height, then your shoulders tense as movement behind her gives reason to look to another. As your focus collects itself you see more than just the two people, but another onlooker further beyond them as well as a person to your side that startles you as she calls out your name.
“What?” You find yourself responding to her call, another step away from the small semicircle they form around you.
“Why are you using Yoongi-” “You got him fired-” “Use your own talent to get a career-” “I bet you didn’t even do anything on those songs. You just want the clout-”
Between the five people, you can’t distinguish whose words belong to you. Continuing rampantly in bursts of ignorant anger towards you, they simply persist onwards. Without giving you any opportunity to defend yourself, all the voices overwhelm your nervous throat and wildly scanning eyes. You take another step away when one becomes particularly enraged as she speaks loudly and her hand reaches out.
Your hand smacks hers away before it can make contact with your shirt, definitively colliding with her skin to make a loud sound that seems to reverberate throughout the avenue. The quiet ensuing is wholly false, but you find it impossible to actually hear anything from them as their reaction consists of even louder yelling at you. Any lips you take a look at are moving and no one reaches again, but you know they want to force their opinions on you with the fury at which they speak.
And all the words you’re able to visualize assert your disgracefulness. In different ways, with strong enunciations you simply are the target of their blame. Everything they don’t know about behind the scenes of all the trouble you’re finally escaping from, they frustratingly paint you as the perpetuator. The reason that all is wrong. “You’re lying to get attention-”
“None of you even know anything!”
Your voice breaks their flow of thundering rage, silencing them entirely by the brutal and unforgiving confidence of your frustrated exclamation. Just like that they’re startled. The fuel of adrenalin leaves them to course through you as you glare in response to their actions. You reaffirm, “Quit blaming me when you don’t know even a percent of what I do!”
One towards the back of the group glances uncertainly at the others, and the one whose hand you hit away takes a step back. Like they didn’t expect you to speak against them. Your hands clench tightly as you remain erect in posture. Eyeing each of them, you find it almost impossible to stop yourself from blurting out every secret you’re obligated to keep for everyone else except yourself.
“What does that even mean?” A guy pushes the girl at the front of the pack aside, storming in your direction but stopping short of contact as you do nothing to evade him. Instead his shoulders shake from your consistent glare that he felt tense in front of. “You’re causing all the trouble!” He manages to fumble out anyways as he works up the nerve to take another step with his arm rising as well, making you begin to move back.
Before contact ever occurs, his wrist becomes clenched within the hand of Yoongi as he steps in between the two of you. A shiver in your spine nearly shakes your knees to a buckle as the sight of his back shielding you releases a wave of worry building in your head.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Yoongi asks lowly, simply throwing down the arm he took hold of as his eyes freeze the man. Disbelieving calls of his name from the small crowd mumble and gasp, clearly overtaken by just the sight of him. “What were you going to do?”
“Yoongi-” You reach both of your hands to clasp onto one of his biceps as he tries to step closer to them. “Let’s go,” His head shifts to look back at you, dark irises tinted with immense irritation from what he just walked up to. You shake your head as you consider what could go on if you both remain, and your fingertips tremble on his skin.“Please. I don’t want you to do this.”
Yoongi turns towards you, maneuvering his arm as your hands fall away so that he can press a guiding hand to your back. He looks back towards the group as you both only take a few steps. Ignoring the cling of your hand on his chest to continue him along, he speaks up with conviction, “If I find your names, I’ll report this.”
He takes no heed of their instant rebuttals as they call feebly out to the pair of you as you walk along. Instead, Yoongi drops his hand from your back to take hold of yours as he believes you’d prefer. Finding your fingers quickly intertwining with his own, Yoongi sighs, squeezing as the severity of what you leave behind catches up with him.
“Did any of them hurt you?” He asks the moment he enters into the driver’s seat of the car. The door slams beside him and your head shakes as you fumble with the seatbelt to get it latched. “Angel,” He shifts towards you, delicately cupping your cheek as your body freezes in response. “Are you okay?”
Seeing Yoongi’s eyes searching through your own for any of the discomfort you should feel is soothing. His palm warms your skin and in that moment you relish in the sensation despite the heat that remains in the air of early fall. The breath in your chest escapes through your lips, and Yoongi’s thumb twitches worriedly against your cheek.
“Yeah.” You nod slowly, overlapping his larger appendage with your own freely allowing yours to grip softly. “Honestly, I am.”
Yoongi doesn’t completely believe your words, if only because he can’t imagine how terrifying being so arbitrarily surrounded is. He bites his lip, head tilting as though to ask again.
“Nothing really bad happened.” You say shrugging your shoulder, and glancing downwards. “And everything they were mad about is completely stupid-- they shouldn’t have done any of that.” The hand you left atop his own, strays to glide slowly up his wrist and resituated on his forearm, gently guiding him from cupping your cheek so that you can return to holding his hand. “They really don’t know anything.”
“That doesn’t give them the right to act like that, angel.” Yoongi’s hand engulfs yours while he talks, prompting your eyes back up to his. You nod your head, entirely in agreement. The sight causes Yoongi’s brow to furrow slightly.
“Can you drive me to SoundWave?”
“What?” He blurts out on impulse, frowning more from bewilderment than anything else. “What for?”
“I want to talk to Yerin.” You say simply, as the reasonings those people threw at you return to your mind, as well as the worries of Jihyo that brought her to plead with you for the sake of her career, and the voice ripped away from Jimin petrifying him from ever expressing his thoughts to you until it was far too late.
Yoongi’s mouth opens to speak, but he stops from doing so. Your eyes give him the answer before he has to vocalize the question. Instead a small chuckle escapes him more similarly to a grainy breath. “Okay.”
Within the confines of the elevator, Yoongi stares up at the growing number as you both go higher up the building. Between your bodies he starts a tiny sway of your held hands, while he squints in thought before finally speaking,
“Not that I think you’re wrong to go and talk to her, but do you think it’s going to do anything?” He recalls his own efforts of very early on in the merger that subliminally requested a change of his image to represent something closer to himself. Just like the rest of the employees who try to escape the confines of narrowly set paths, Yoongi too was swiftly rejected in few words with only an explanation of there being no need to change something that works.
“Who knows.” You say not realizing until your voice comes out that despite the mellow timbre that there’s a hint of timidness as well. Yerin has always been the greatest shadow in your mind for years now. Someone you’ve never been able to stand across from and feel equal with because of her subdued confidence that showered her veil of control over the entire company. “I don’t think I care if it does anything. I’m just over this.”
“Should I wait out here?” Yoongi asks as you both step out of the opening doors. He ignores the obvious shock in his peripherals from the secretary that likely has no way to gauge how to handle your presence in the room. Everything on Yoongi’s side is practically settled, and you have simply been a former employee for weeks now; not supposed to be returning so high up in the building.
“No,” You squeeze tighter on his hand, turning your head to look up at him as you remain paces from the secretary’s desk. You speak quietly. “I don’t think you’ll have to say anything, but having you there would feel better.” You frown as you think that it may sound selfish to have dragged Yoongi along this far only to tell him he won’t actually do much. “You’re comforting for me…”
“Then I’ll go in with you, sweetie.” Yoongi says before gently pressing a tiny kiss to your temple, as you squeeze his hand bashfully. “I’ll cheer you on-- you can give me inspiration for a diss track-”
“Stop.” You smile, bumping your hip against Yoongi and continue the walk to the desk with him trailing alongside you.
Satisfied slightly that he could at least break away some nerves, Yoongi takes in a larger inhale than usual. Frankly he’s unsure of what you plan to say to Yerin, but considering all of the grief instilled on you so far from her, Yoongi doesn’t doubt it could be definitive. If you find closure from this, then he’ll be content with this choice of a blindsiding meeting, but he can’t help worrying that some emotions could create words inciting angry retribution on the side of SoundWave.
Your collected demeanor as you speak to the secretary, along with the full way you stand with shoulders straight and each leg stood with no slouch gives Yoongi something to relax about. When he thinks about one of the first times he interacted with you, an evident difference in your assurance exists. Where you had bumped into him escaping a meeting room, you’re now choosing to cut into any current schedule to speak to Yerin following the public reaction she’s passively caused.
Steadily, you enter into her office only minutes later, never needing to bother with waiting in a seat. Yoongi follows after you simply standing closer to the door while he watches you stride towards the desk. Yerin sits with relaxed posture, though her eyes go from Yoongi to you with perplexity.
“Should I have the lawyer present for whatever you want to talk to me about?” She asks instead of greeting, letting her forearms rest on the wood before her.
“Doubt it.” You say, not taking a moment in your head to consider where to begin. Everything you would like to exclaim to her flutters violently around, so much so you believe her narrowing eyes to be preparing herself for the eventual explosion. You want nothing more than to get a genuine apology to fall from her lips along with admittance that she was wrong to do everything to you that she has, but your calm heartbeat reminds you of the impossibility of that route.
You know she wouldn’t loosen her stubborn tongue to admit anything of the sorts. You could even assume she has no regrets so far. Watching our reputation’s stature diminish for years is nothing but a casualty in her calculations. Needless to fret about it when the product of your fingers has given so much acclaim to the company. All Yerin’s allowed happen is a choice made to receive the most lucrative result. Whatever happened to you is of little consequence.
“Did you ever think what you did to me was wrong?”
Your question’s candor rings softly in the room. Not timid, but somehow resigned. Almost like a test, Yerin believes as she continues to stare towards you without so much as a waver in emotion from the depth of the question.
“You agreed to it.”
“As a twenty-year-old worried about paying back my college.” You swiftly insert the context, shaking your head so as to not let Yerin detract from the severity of her contract in your life. “You know how much of an incentive working at a company like this would have been to anyone in my position. Any student, or young adult just starting out. You used it against me.”
“You could have walked away.” Yerin reaffirms before sighing as she sits back in her seat. “Considering all of that about yourself back then, what would you expect a company to do for you? That was your chance back then to start in the career you want. Everyone starts small; why would there be an exception for you?”
“You came to me.” You say with an even voice. Yerin’s hand curls on the table, visually reacting slightly. “I submitted songs for a contest, but you came to me with a contract. I didn’t see anyone else getting contracts back then,” You cross your arms and your head tilts with your blunt conclusion. “You saw enough in me to seek out a long-term job, and you didn’t want me to leave when I didn’t re-sign. You can’t try to convince me otherwise of that.”
“Of course I didn’t.” She says with a scoff. “I don’t deny you’re talented-”
“But you denied me from showing everyone else that!” You assert as your arms gesture to emphasize your frustration. “In some ways, I could understand you not giving me credit as a new rookie at this job, but I worked here for five years. I have nothing to show for it anywhere because you wanted me to be stuck here for the rest of my career, and you know what? I probably would’ve stayed for a long time if you would have just given me the damn credit that I deserved!”
Yerin remains quiet as you pause to take a breath and collect yourself from the startling rant. Her jaw tightens along with her fisting hands on the desk and shockingly to you, she averts her gaze to the side. Swallowing down any nerves, you go on without remorse as you attempt to hit every point you can,
“Now I hear you’re going to let the idols produce, and give all the songwriters proper credit. Everything you did to me is going to just be me, huh? You won’t do it again because you know it’s wrong-- you know whoever you trap is going to end up wanting out just like me and you’re not willing to take any chances on this perfect company image getting messed up by some songwriter, isn’t that right?”
“Y/N, I’m not the only person in charge of these decisions. There’s a board. You know that.” Yerin says at a low volume. She still looks from you towards a window overlooking the city that you doubt she’s focusing on. She’s in the wrong. She knows it and you can see her silently admitting it whether she wants to or not. But no responsibility claimed.
“When Jimin, Jihyo, and all the other idols here wouldn’t take my side it was because you’re in charge of the decisions.” You say before scoffing, watching her flinch from the sound and turn to finally face you. “When I come up here to talk to you about it, you say it’s because of the board. It’s always someone else’s fault that I couldn’t be helped. You’re the CEO. If you knew this was wrong, you should’ve said something. It’s your job to look out for the company, but it’s also your job not to be spineless and pass blame around.”
Yerin’s eyes widen at the end of your composed speech. Standing up with intent to challenge your words, she opens her mouth with a glower aiming at you, but freezes as your eyes narrow and you take a step forward to stop just short of her desk,
“I just practically got attacked before I came here because people think I ruined a career just by having my name in the credits of his songs.” You coat your words with convicted resentment. “All of my friends are begging me to stay quiet because their careers could be ruined by me saying I wrote so much of their music. I wouldn’t have to be everyone’s enemy-- I wouldn’t be hated by so many people right now if you hadn’t forced everyone in this company to lie in the first place. Everyone wants me to be quiet right now because all the lying is supposed to stop? I’m supposed to be the scapegoat for this company and be the only one to receive all of the infamy for your unethical crap? That’s not going to happen.”
“What?” Yerin’s voice stutters a shocked response on impulse. Her fingers drag against the wood of the desk, evidently nervous by the implications. “You can’t mention anything about your job here, Y/N. That’s in the agreement.”
“Remove the non-disclosure clause.”
Yerin scoffs in pure disbelief, looking past you to Yoongi as he simply remains a spectator. Clearly unprepared for all that you’ve said thus far, but doing nothing to stop you from continuing. She shakes her head as her eyes come back to you. “I’m not doing that.”
“Then don’t. I’m still telling the press.” You say simply as a shoulder shrugs, and you loosely cross your arm.
“You’ll,” Yerin pauses when she realizes her heartbeats acceleration. “You’ll lose all your royalties. We’ll sue you.”
“Sue me then.” You nod your head once, completely unwavering as you just shrug again. “Really. I’ll just drag the suit out. Let you all show your true colors to the public and then we’ll see if you think it’s worth it to get involved in your fail-safe plan when everyone still realizes how much SoundWave has forced its employees to shut up and lie about.”
The brief wave of silence as you finish feels uplifting on your shoulders. Yerin only looks on at you with indication that she doesn’t know what to say to convince you otherwise. You don’t allow her to dwell, simply dropping your arms from their crossed position over your front.
“You made your choice.” You turn on your heel to start a path towards Yoongi, sparing a glance back towards Yerin as she calls out,
“You shouldn’t do this, Y/N! You’re trying to get back at me, but you’re just going to ruin everyone at this company-”
“I’m not trying to get back at you.” You turn to her as Yoongi opens up the door. “I’m not responsible for this anymore. This isn’t my fault. It was always your fault from the moment you made me sign that contract and never planned to change your ways.”
Without another word spoken you leave the room behind Yoongi, feeling absent of regret and restraint in your throat. As though lighter on your feet you exit the company and with it abandoning all of the fear it has instilled on you for years. No plan of avoidance lingers in your head to save face for the greed of SoundWave’s sake, and even though you’re still unsure of coming days, you don’t feel wrapped in deceit.
Upcoming seasonal winds will begin and you have no doubt the frail veil remaining on your image will drift away into the past as you walk into new days.
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if you enjoy please, please let me know via ask, comment, rb with tags– however ! i’d just really appreciate feedback 🥺 i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )
tag list (send an ask to be added): @jaiuneamesolitaiire​ @tsvkino-usagi​@xionysus​​ @baebyjoonie​ @honeyoongles​ @betysotelo18​
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feministlikeme · 7 years ago
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1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do.
2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman.
3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish.
4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard.
5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect.
6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body.
7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.)
8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them.
9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever.
10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD.
11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.”
12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately.
13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman.
14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read.
15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion."
16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.”
17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant.
18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.”
19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome.
20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place.
21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it.
22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase.
23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional.
24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable.
25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise.
26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders.
27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.”
28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers.
29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over.
30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady.
31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot.
32. Pay for porn.
33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them.
34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them.
35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.”
36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men.
37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it.
38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing.
39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it.
40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts.
41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason.
42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more.
43. Make a round of tea for the office.
44. Wash it up.
45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women.
46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel.
47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is.
48. Make sure there's childcare at your events.
49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run.
50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day.
51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up.
52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself.
53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel.
54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you.
55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.)
56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.)
57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it.
58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened.
59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them.
60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of.
61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once.
62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too.
63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse.
64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM.
65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women.
66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women.
67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs.
68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT?
69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal.
70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return?
71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group.
72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men.
73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public.
74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her.
75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise.
76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions.
77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary.
78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe.
79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere.
80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny.
81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men.
82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex.
83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague.
84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you.
85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise.
86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?)
87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home.
88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate.
89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it.
90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it.
91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked.
92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant.
93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them.
94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas.
95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t.
96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together.
97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools.
98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses.
99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like.
100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”
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shannaraisles · 7 years ago
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Dear Friend - Chapter 2
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My festive project. A Modern AU heavily based on The Shop Around The Corner, in which Cullen Rutherford finds love between Satinalia and First Day. [Read on AO3]
Chapter Two
Dear Friend,
Nuglet and I were delighted to find presents in the box waiting for us. You did not have to do that, but I must admit, it is a pleasure to have something waiting under the tree that I truly have no idea what might be inside. I hope that our own gift is as satisfying for you as yours are already proving to us, even unopened. Nuglet also insisted on drawing you a picture of our tree, which you will find enclosed. I am informed that the hand sticking out from behind it is as much of me as she can put in the picture without breaking the rules.
Mila unfolded the picture that had been tucked into the envelope, and laughed at the colorful artwork presented to her. Yes, that was definitely a Satinalia tree, and yes, that was also an apparently disembodied hand waving from behind it. She loved the Nuglet's sense of humor; the little girl was cheeky and warm, a good foil for a father who seemed sometimes to be a little too serious. Her eyes fell on the little wrapped gift laying on the table, her own unexpected surprise from the PO Box that morning. She desperately wanted to look inside, but had promised herself she wouldn't until at least midnight on Satinalia Eve. Laying the picture down on the table, she picked up her coffee cup, her eyes returning to the page in front of her.
We are crossing our fingers for you in the hope that you get the promotion you're hoping for. I'm sure you are more than capable of handling the responsibilities of such a position, and your co-worker will recognize it sooner rather than later. If they do not, then they are the fool, not you. I have been recently promoted myself; I do understand the pressures of that period between applying and discovering the answer.
I must admit, however, to a selfish pleasure that comes with knowing you confide in me. Your letters are a joy each time they arrive, not simply for me, but for the Nuglet as well. We were living under a cloud for a long time after my wife's death; I am very pleased to be able to state that your presence in our lives has lifted that cloud somewhat, though it will always be there in some way. Nuglet and I take great pleasure in reading your letters together. She is eager to meet you.
Biting into her toast, Mila grinned as she chewed and read, enjoying the quiet before Josephine, her flatmate, shuffled out of her bedroom and began noisily making her own breakfast. It was a day off for both of them, but Mila was an early riser by habit. Josephine was decidedly not. Still, they had plans to go out and finish the last of their holiday shopping together, and getting into the shops before noon would be nice. But this was nice, starting the day in the quiet and calm, a hot cup of coffee to share with the words of her closest friend.
She couldn't really put into words how important Dear Friend and his Nuglet had been over the last year or more. When she'd arrived in Ferelden, in Denerim, she'd known no one, with no clue as to where anything was or how to get around. Yet some kind person had arranged pen pals within the city for anyone who was new and needed help, and Mila had been paired with an intriguing widower and his ten year old daughter. They'd guided her through learning the transport system, to cafes and restaurants she might like, suggested parks and places of interest she might enjoy visiting. And to her amazement, she had enjoyed all of them. The more they talked in this way, the more comfortable she found herself with her Dear Friend. She'd begun to confide in him, to share her hopes and her worries. He always responded with practical advice, but it was never forceful or ill-meant. The Nuglet sent pictures she drew especially for Mila, and sometimes her careful handwriting joined her father's spiky hand on the pages he sent. Mila talked about her Dear Friend so much, Josephine had finally badgered her into inviting him to meet in the last letter she had sent, and it seemed as though this reply would contain his answer, after all.
On that thought, I should very much like to meet you myself. May I suggest dinner on Satinalia Eve? I had thought perhaps seven o'clock at Felicisima - if you are amenable to this, I will make the reservation under the name "Valammar". It will be just myself - the Nuglet is spending Satinalia Eve with my sister. I must confess to feeling very close to you, even through this detached medium of communication. There is an intimacy to a letter that is lacking in texts or even a phone call. I am glad to have been allowed to get to know you in this way and, I hope, to continue to know you face to face very soon.
With the best of wishes, Your Friend (and the Nuglet).
"Andraste's tits," she breathed, her eyes wide with sudden nervous excitement. "He said yes!"
A yawn from the doorway announced the arrival of her flatmate and best friend, looking rumpled but fetching in pink nug-printed pajamas. Josephine wriggled her fingers in a sleepy hello, groping her way toward the coffee-pot.
"And good morning to you, too." Mila chuckled at the lack of response as Josephine poured out a cup of black coffee and inhaled it. "If you manage a full sentence, I'll let you get to the shower first."
Still half-asleep, Josephine slithered into a seat at the table, hugging her mug close. Her dark eyes focused on the picture with a lazy smile rising on her lips. "Another letter from Dear Friend?"
Mila grinned, biting her lip. "He said yes," she told her friend. "He wants to go to dinner on Satinalia Eve. At Felicisma."
Josephine's sleepiness melted away as this information planted itself in her mind. "That is a very nice place," she approved, her smile warming. "So you must write back and say yes, and while we are out today, we will find you something gorgeous to wear to your date."
"It's not exactly a date, Josie," Mila began, but her friend's enthusiasm had been captured by the whole thing.
"Unless he specifically says otherwise, this is a date," she insisted. "And we will make you look ravishing. Not that you do not look ravishing ordinarily ..." Josephine paused, considering this statement when set against the woman sitting in front of her. Tall, dark-haired, dark-eyed, long legs, but unfortunately with a habit of wearing oversized sweaters and t-shirts. She shook her head. "A dress, heels, make up."
"Not heels," Mila objected laughingly, shaking her own head. "I'm not ending the night at the hospital because I broke my own ankle falling over."
Josephine frowned, but knew she wasn't going to win this argument before it even began. "Cute flats, then," she compromised. "The make up is non-negotiable."
"Are you saying I look old?" Mila accused in amusement.
"Not at all," Josephine assured her. "Tired is how you look, especially after work, and you will have been at work. Some days, you look as though a coffin would suit you better than a bed."
"Thanks," was the drawling reply as Mila picked up the other letter she had received in the post that morning. "You're such an encouragement."
"I live to serve," Josephine teased. She rose, fortified by her coffee enough to scrounge around the kitchen for breakfast herself. She tapped the picture lying on the table. "Shall I put this up on the fridge?"
"No, I'll put it up behind my computer," Mila said distractedly, frowning down at the letter in her hand. She sighed heavily, setting the paper down. "I should have read that first."
"Bad news?"
"You could say that. I got passed over for the promotion." Mila scowled, rubbing her fingers through her hair in agitation. "Which means Cullen got it, which means he's now my boss. I have a boss who never listens to a word I say."
Josephine sighed to herself quietly. She'd heard plenty about Mila's co-worker Cullen over the last year; if she didn't know better, she'd suggest her friend just sleep with him and get all that sexual tension out in the open.
"Are you sure you're approaching him in the right way?" she asked mildly.
"Of course I am!" Mila defended herself. "It's not like his way is the perfect way. He should be open to suggestions from everyone else."
"But you did say that he took Cassandra's suggestion about contact time with the old lion into account," Josephine pointed out with deceptive gentleness.
"Cassandra's practically him in female form," Mila grumped. But she did accept what Josephine was saying. "All right, maybe I'm a little - a little bit - confrontational. But what else can I do? He never has time to listen to what I have to say!"
"Do you ever approach him when there is time to talk it over?" Josephine asked sweetly.
Mila's eyes narrowed. "I hate it when you do that," she muttered. "You're my best friend, you're supposed to support me unconditionally."
"No, darling, I'm supposed to guide you to the correct path while being winsome and charming," Josephine corrected her with a fond grin. "You're not doing it properly, then?"
"No, I'm not," her friend conceded reluctantly. "And I get angry and defensive before he really says anything. I can't help it. You know how I feel about this."
"And, of course, it does not help that you fancy him," the Antivan woman added with impish mischief.
"I do not fancy Cullen Rutherford!"
Josephine laughed aloud, sitting down to butter her toast as she watched her friend scowl a little exaggeratedly. "You are allowed to fancy someone who isn't your Dear Friend, you know," she pointed out. "For all you know, Dear Friend is in his nineties and the child doesn't even exist. But this Cullen of yours is handsome, passionate, and has a little girl you like."
"Liking Alys does not mean I have to like her father," Mila pointed out in a prickly tone. "She's a smart kid, and she's fun to hang out with at work. It isn't her fault she has a father who's as ..." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Yes, all right, he's as fuckable as he is aggravating. Happy now?"
"I'd be happier if you would get some proof of that," Josephine smirked, waving a hand to stave off the protests that inevitably followed. "No, of course I understand that sleeping with your nemesis is not something you wish to do. Even if he is ... fuckable."
"Can we stop talking about how the bane of my working life is also exactly my type?" Mila complained mildly. "I'm meeting Dear Friend. It will be perfect. I already know him inside out, he knows me. I don't care if he's a grandfather, or fat, or ugly, or whatever else you want to scare me with. He's my Dear Friend, and I kind of love him, you know?"
Josephine's smile warmed. "I am very glad to hear it," she agreed. "Which is why you will look ravishing for him, and I am not taking no for an answer."
Mila considered her for a moment. "I should really write my reply so we can drop it in the Post Office while we're out," she mused, implicitly agreeing to her friend's renewed enthusiasm for the day. "I'll do that while you're in the shower. You're staying at Leliana's on Satinalia Eve, aren't you?"
Josephine shook her head, chewing her mouthful fully before swallowing to answer. "No, she has some work meeting or something on that day," she said. "And I have to call my parents in the morning of Satinalia day itself, so we're going to meet up for the afternoon. Aren't you working both days?"
Mila nodded with a faint chuckle. "Everyone else in the department has family. Working Satinalia isn't so much a wrench for me. Besides, they will all drop in at some point. The cats are as much family to them as their humans, elves, and dwarves are."
"I will never understand how you can get so much joy out of looking after animals you can't even pet safely," Josephine declared, rising to put her plate in the sink. "Your elderly lion does not count. He is one good episode of flatulence away from the grave, of course he allows you to cuddle him."
"Hey, be nice about Amatus." Mila laughed. "He's my dude. Best man in my life, that lion."
"That you feel this way about a lion tells me you desperately need to remove your love life from letter-writing to reality," Josephine drawled, her voice warm with affection for her friend as she wrapped her arm about Mila's shoulders. "He will love you, I am sure of it. So write to him; tell him you agree, and you will see him on Satinalia Eve, and let me make you into a princess for one night only. Agreed?"
"Well, I have the early shift on that day, so you'll have about seven hours to do it in," Mila warned her, hugging her friend about the waist. "Sure you can manage an actual princess look in such a short time?"
Josephine snorted with laughter. "If you're very unlucky, I'll bring help," she teased, gently pulling away. "Write your letter. I'm going to take a shower."
Mila felt her smile fix in place as she listened to her best friend slip off into the bathroom, picking up her letter and the picture, and moving over to her desk in the living room. Four bits of Blu-tac later, and the picture of Dear Friend's Satinalia Tree and his disembodied hand was secured to the wall behind it, among several other pictures that had been drawn just for her by the Nuglet over the last year. Just seeing them there made her smile turn to a happy grin as she sat herself down, pulling out her fountain pen and writing paper. This was a good thing that was happening. It was about time she let something good into her love life.
Dear Friend,
Seven at Felicisima, it is! I'll wear blue, and I'll have a copy of Genitivi's Thedas: Myths and Legends on the table, with a yellow daisy tucked into it. I remember that you mentioned daisies are Nuglet's favorite flower and, well, we've exchanged views on Genitivi so often, he seems like a part of our relationship!
Was that too presumptuous? Was there such a thing as too presumptuous when you'd been discussing anything and everything with a faceless friend for more than a year? Besides, it was a relationship, she reasoned. Every regular interaction between anyone formed a relationship. She snorted with laughter, rolling her eyes at herself. Dear Friend wouldn't think anything of her using that word, she was sure. He was a gentleman.
Maker, please let him be handsome.
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techcrunchappcom · 4 years ago
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New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/gameday-central-wisconsin-28-illinois-7-end-3rd-quarter-sports/
Gameday Central: Wisconsin 28, Illinois 7; End 3rd quarter | Sports
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Beat writer Scott Richey will keep providing updates all night long from Camp Randall Stadium as Illinois takes on Wisconsin in the 2020 Big Ten opener. Follow along right here: 
Tweets by srrichey
***
Meanwhile, back in Champaign. The watch party at Memorial Stadium is drawing a pretty good-sized student crowd.
***
Tonight’s Illini starters:
OFFENSE
LT – Vederian Lowe
LG – Kendrick Green
C – Doug Kramer
RG – Verdis Brown
RT – Alex Palczewski
QB – Brandon Peters
RB – Mike Epstein
WR – Josh Imatorbhebhe
WR – Casey Washington
WR – Donny Navarro
TE – Daniel Barker
DEFENSE
DE – Owen Carney Jr.
NT – Roderick Perry II
DT – Jamal Woods
DE – Marc Mondesir
OLB – Khalan Tolson
MLB – Jake Hansen
OLB – Delano Ware
CB – Nate Hobbs
CB – Tony Adams
S – Sydney Brown
S – Derrick Smith
SPECIAL TEAMS
K – James McCourt
P – Blake Hayes
***
We’re about an hour from kickoff in Madison, and there’s already some rather significant news to report. Illinois released its list of unavailable players for tonight’s game, and there are some big names on it.
Out at Wisconsin
DL Isaiah Gay DB Michael Marchese WR Trevon Sidney DB Devon Witherspoon OL Blake Jeresaty (season)
— Illini Stats & Notes (@IlliniStats) October 23, 2020
Defensive line was already a question mark heading into the season, and no Isaiah Gay only exacerbates that. Getting pressure on Wisconsin redshirt freshman quarterback Graham Mertz could be important. Gay’s absence means Illinois will have to put an inexperienced defensive end on the field to start the game.
Devon Witherspoon being unavailable is just as big a blow. You might remember the sophomore cornerback from his game-saving tackle in last year’s upset of Wisconsin. The big question, of course, is if Witherspoon is out does that mean Tony Adams moves back to corner or does Marquez Beason make his Illini debut as a starter?
***
Looking out from the Camp Randal Stadium press box to no one (save for some cardboard cutouts in the seats closest to the field) is a surreal feeling.
The press box itself is pretty empty, too. Wisconsin is taking the social distancing thing seriously. I’m at an end of a row, and I’ve got more than six feet between my seat and where the Chicago Tribune’s Shannon Ryan will sit. 
Warmups are underway, but for the moment only the specialists for both teams are on the field.
***
The News-Gazette will be represented at Camp Randall Stadium for tonight’s Big Ten opener between Illinois and Wisconsin. Beat writer Scott Richey (that’s me as I shift to first person) is, in fact, set up in an undisclosed Marriott-brand location in Wisconsin right now prepping for his gameday coverage. 
In a typical year I might venture out in Madison. Check out campus (again). In 2020? Hotel. Camp Randall. Nothing in between. Especially in Wisconsin.
The hotel was even a concession to 2020, in a way. The press box at Camp Randall is set to close 30 minutes after the last Zoom interview is complete. That’s not enough time to provide you all with the exhaustive coverage that will wind up right here at IlliniHQ.com in the wee hours Saturday morning. That and much more will grace the pages of Sunday’s News-Gazette.
The strangeness of 2020 aside, the drive from Champaign to Madison was exceedingly normal. I could have done without the rain, but being back on the road for the first time since early March (Illini basketball at Ohio State) was a surreal feeling. Then I hit the construction as soon as I crossed the Illinois-Wisconsin border, and all felt right with the world. It was a sign that at least some things never, ever, ever change.
In our still not-so-normal world, I won’t be joined for tonight’s game by News-Gazette colleague Bob Asmussen. Wisconsin credentialed just six total Illinois media members. It will be nice, though, to see the Decatur Herald & Review’s Joey Wagner, the Chicago Tribune’s Shannon Ryan, 247Sports’ Jeremy Werner, Gatehouse correspondent Gavin Good and Gabby Hajduk from the Daily Illini.
Here we go. I’ll check back in when I can get into Camp Randall at 5:30 p.m.
pic.twitter.com/mHXIAqmxLm
— Kendrick J. Green (@The_fridge53) October 23, 2020
***
Our beat writer caught up with the Illini coach before Friday night’s season opener at Wisconsin
Beat writer Scott Richey breaks down the 2020 season opener
Here’s what you should expect in the Illini’s season opener
Three AP voters give their take on the Illini quarterback ahead of Friday night’s season opener at Wisconsin
‘Last year, when we played Wisconsin, it was an all-around effort by everybody,’ defensive lineman Jamal Woods said
Well, here we go again. The 2020 Illinois football, once thought lost to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, starts tonight in Madison, Wis. The Illini don’t ease into it either, with No. 14 Wisconsin first up in the revised (times two) Big Ten schedule.
No nonconference warmup in 2020. No shot at an Illinois State or UConn or Bowling Green before jumping into Big Ten play. No, it’s a headfirst dive into the deep end immediately instead.
The Illini and Badgers kick of at 7 p.m. at Camp Randal Stadium. Most will be listening (check out Brian Barnhart and Martin O’Donnell on WDWS) or watching from home. The Big Ten has banned fans in 2020, and even the allowance for families of players and coaches has been put on pause in Madison. 
While you get ready for the start of the most unique Illinois football season in more than a century, catch up on our exhaustive preseason coverage leading up to today’s game. It was a team effort by the entire N-G sports staff, including long-time beat writer Bob Asmussen, sports editor Matt Daniels, preps writer Colin Likas with a major assist, copy editor Joe Vozzelli and beat writer Scott Richey.
Richey will represent the N-G in Madison as one of just six Illinois media credentialed to make the trip in the new COVID-19 world we’re living in. He’ll provide updates throughout the day and late into the night as befitting a 7 p.m. kickoff. (Don’t ask his opinion on that. Or do. He doesn’t mind sharing). 
As always, right here at IlliniHQ.com is where all your gameday needs will be answered, including more from our preseason deep dive on the Illini:
Uniform tweaks further awareness of social justice issues
CHAMPAIGN — Illinois football players have taken an active stance on social justice issues in the last few months, including an athlete-organized march in late August against police violence and racial injustice. Redshirt junior offensive lineman Kendrick Green and senior cornerback Nate Hobbs spearheaded that initiative, and others have been active on social media to promote awareness, too.
The Illini will use Friday’s season opener at No. 14 Wisconsin to further that cause. Illinois will replace its traditional orange and blue Block I helmet decal with a black Block I instead.
“We wanted to show that we are aware of what’s happening in our country right now,” Hobbs said in an official release. “We’re willing to take a stand, not as one, but as a unit.”
To continue reading, click here.
Quarterback Brandon Peters leads a deep and talented senior class for the 2020 Illinois football team, which opens the season at 7 p.m. on Friday at Wisconsin.
David Craan/Illinois athletics
Asmussen | Illini, get ready for a college football season like no other
CHAMPAIGN — It’s 11 a.m. on Dec. 5.
Three inches of snow blanket the Memorial Stadium turf. And the white stuff fills the empty stands.
Well, almost empty … except for the cardboard cutouts of fans ($50 to $99 a pop) and the faux Marching Illini.
In five minutes, Illinois and Iowa will run onto Zuppke Field to no applause, other than what’s generated by the loudspeakers and scoreboards.
No smell of roasting hot dogs or popcorn in the air. No beers being spilled on people in the next row.
Outside beautiful Memorial Stadium, the usual hustle and bustle are absent.
If the Dick Butkus and Red Grange statues could talk, it would be some version of, “What the heck is going on around here?”
To continue reading, click here.
More from the 2020 Illinois football special section:
Meet the seniors
Meet the coaches
Big Ten West preview
Big Ten East preview
Gibson City-Melvin-Sibley graduate Bryce Barnes is entering his sophomore season at Illinois.
Illinois athletics
GCMS grad Barnes aiming for bigger special teams presence
CHAMPAIGN — Bryce Barnes is readily visible for about 2 seconds.
His nameplate and number 48, in dark blue print on a gray uniform backdrop, are seen bouncing around before being sucked into a sea of humanity.
The then-Illinois football freshman turns into one small piece of a massive celebration, set off by James McCourt’s 39-yard field goal that allowed the Illini to upset No. 6 Wisconsin 24-23 at Memorial Stadium on Oct. 19, 2019.
It’s all archived in a YouTube video on the Illinois athletics website.
Of course, Barnes lived the moment. And the 2019 Gibson City-Melvin-Sibley graduate can provide a slightly different perspective from it.
“I ended up at the bottom of the pile, and (McCourt and I) were face to face underneath everybody,” said Barnes, who was blocking on the line as McCourt booted the ball through the uprights in front of the Illini band and student section. “It was an honor for me to be out there in such a big win for this program. I wanted to start crying just because of how happy I was.”
To continue reading, click here.
More from the local Illini:
Catching up with Ben Schultz and Dylan Thomas
Danville product Caleb Griffin gets creative ahead of season
Center Doug Kramer is the anchor of an experienced Illinois offensive line with the Hinsdale product’s 32 career starts as an Illini trailing only Alex Palczewski’s 36.
David Craan/Illinois athletics
Asmussen | Illini O-line learns from earlier struggles
CHAMPAIGN — Kendrick Green, Doug Kramer, Vederian Lowe and Alex Palczewski have learned a lot about each other over the years.
Along with new-to-the-lineup Verdis Brown, they will make up the starting offensive line Friday night at No. 14 Wisconsin.
They are close. Not in a forced way. But naturally.
“I think it’s really simple,” Kramer said Tuesday. “There’s never been too many issues in our room. We’ve been friends from the start.”
“We’ve just seen each other grow up over these past three years,” Palczewski added. “We’ve all grown up from these freshmen who didn’t know what was going on.”
In 2017, they were part of a 2-10 team that didn’t win a Big Ten game. For the offensive linemen, it was a punch in the gut.
To their credit, they got better. Four wins in ‘18 and six last season.
Now, they want to take another step. Toward the top of the Big Ten West.
To continue reading, click here.
More from Bob Asmussen:
Contingency plans on need-to-know basis
Week 1 Big Ten power poll
A unique Illini gameday in C-U
Talking points with Wisconsin beat writer Colten Bartholomew
Ask the beat writer: Playing in an empty Camp Randall
Previewing Illinois’ offense
Previewing Illinois’ defense
Previewing Illinois’ special teams
Illinois linebacker Jake Hansen during practice in August at Memorial Stadium in Champaign.
David Craan/Illinois athletics
Illinois underdogs against Wisconsin again
CHAMPAIGN — Jake Hansen sauntered into the interview room at the Smith Center following Illinois football’s upset of No. 6 Wisconsin last October.
It’s the only way to describe Hansen’s entrance — cigar in his hands and a smile on his face.
Hansen also made a point of noting just how much the people that set the gambling lines considered the Illini underdogs against the Badgers.
“Thirty-one point spread, huh?” the Illinois linebacker yelled out as he made his way from a celebratory locker room to the small lobby outside the Smith Center weight room filled with reporters.
Monday marked the one-year anniversary of the biggest Illinois football win in more than a decade. It also coincided with the line for this year’s rematch with Wisconsin receiving a slight adjustment.
Wisconsin opened as a 23 1/2-point favorite last week for the 7 p.m. Friday Big Ten opener in Madison, Wis. Monday’s adjustment didn’t really make Illinois any less the underdog. The Badgers are still considered approximately a 19- or 20-point favorite.
To continue reading, click here.
More from Scott Richey
Lovie: ‘We’re going to see exciting football’
Starters have Smith comfortable with cornerbacks
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ajw720 · 7 years ago
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Bullying
Sorry just had too…definition: to use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone) typically to FORCE him/her to do what one wants, persecute, opppress, tyrunize, browbeat, harass, intimidate, strong- arm, dominate, push around, coerce , pressure, press, push, compel, badger, goad, proad…dictionary. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or precieved power imbalance…StopBullying.gov. Abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger , more powerful ect., overbearing mistreatment. Also includes cyberbullying using same tactics generally on classmate. Merriam-Webster.
 First you say ajw/(if you say ajw you say me too) bulling someone unknown. I beg to differ. M is the one who puts her life on display on social media. For someone who says she doesn’t want to be famous she sure exposes herself to media sources. It is well known media/news people do not hang around taking pictures unless it is “news worthy” or they are “paid”. While Darren is to us CC ‘ers very newsworthy(and I venture to say many others), I do not find her visit to a Canadian TV filming news worthy…just saying. A kiss while attending the premiere of The Feud.  Unprofessional . And certainly not what Darren often speaks to keeping his personally life private. I’m not going to even mention Halloween same midia situation different night.  
Let me count the ways…blogs now closed down 'miarren is love’ was picture after picture of weddings, which I thought were suppose to be about the bride and groom. I would be so offended if I were the couple…not the attendance the taking over the spot light. Darren will absolutly be noticed, he is a …star. I have looked at other blogs and people of said fame at weddings maybe a couple of pics, not the ostentatious displays pictured. It is clear this is about promotion of the party with Darren. Darren does not have to work at being noticed, not just because of fame, he is a genuinely nice entertaining guy. Can’t say the same for plus one. As well as offensive references to and about her beloved. Who’s bullying who.
Speaking of which M’s ig are mostly pics of the couple and D. 10 times more of couple over and over and over again.  D’s ig maybe a handful ok maybe a few more of the couple before Halloween. 
If you stick your nose out it will get lopped off. We all take hits…it’s called gossip. D takes hits now and than. He’s a big boy and knows it comes with the territory. M is a big girl playing in adult situstions (not children’s playgrounds)…if you can’t take the heat get out of the fire. She is a grown women who needs to fight her own battles. That’s a bully… having all the others do your dirty work. I’d say fight like a man which I’m sure you would be considered bullying. So….fight like a women with guts, integrety, humanity, compassion the likes of which D has in his little finger. All I can say is take a lesson. Really no bullying just plain fact.
 Last/final point I take exception to who is bullying who. M does not look the worst for ware as a matter of fact she looks pretty healthy to me. It’s D that seems to be suffering under her need to be promoted for what ever reason at the moment. And the abuse he takes literally, figuratively, physically is way more apparent then her so called suffering. So if you have been put up to the harassment I suggest you tell your “director” to come out and fight like a women…stop hiding behind an unfounded accusation of play-ground mentality. Or if it’s you trying to defend your queen you need to go back to school or just use Google to be sure your accusations are on mark. I think you are very misguided.
bjpb8
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Very accurate points my friend. When one seeks fame, one needs to accept that the good comes with the bad.  Especially when one documents her shitty behavior repeatedly via social media.
And you could not be more correct, it is ironic when the ultimate bully is the one people are trying to protect.  Failing to notice who the true victim is and has been. 
One day these PR fans will realize the error of their ways and understand just how misguided they were and how much they contributed to the abuse of D.
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coolbloggerthings · 5 years ago
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What NOT To Do as a New Animator
So you’re about to start an animation job at a new studio? That’s awesome! Congratulations. What’s that, you say? You’re worried about performing as an animator? Just relax, the animation part of the job is the least of your worries. You’ve gotten good training here at AM, and the studio is going to give you some leeway early on. No one expects you to be Bill Tytla right away. But you’re right to be a little apprehensive about starting a new animation job. There are some pitfalls to watch out for. While the animation part of the job should take care of itself with hard work, there’s more to succeeding at a new studio than getting your shots approved.
Here are some things NOT to do as a new animator:
Don’t talk.
In general, keep your mouth shut when you’re dealing with the animation development team hierarchy or even with senior animators. Seriously, no one wants to hear your opinions in meetings, and no one wants your critiques. And especially never interrupt or defend yourself when you’re getting notes. Directors do not care what your intentions were, or what you did but changed before they saw it, or what you were going to do if you had more time, or what your mother thought of your shot. They honestly do not care, and you only sound defensive when you try to explain your work. Remember, you will never talk someone into being impressed by your animation. So, keep your mouth shut in general, especially when you’re getting feedback and notes.
Author’s Note: I was intentionally blunt in making this list — I took what could be nuanced points and painted them as black and white. I did this because I’ve seen many a new animator come into a studio with so much excitement that they’re like bulls in a china shop, committing inadvertent faux pas and stomping on sensitive toes in their enthusiasm. Sadly, in a studio situation, people will rarely cut you much slack for being naive or overzealous.
In particular, the “don’t talk” rule has startled some people. I thought it might, and I’m glad if it gets people thinking. Yes, AM encourages peer-to-peer critiques. Yes, in a school situation like AM, we want to hear your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Yes, animation is collaborative. And yes, as a new animator you need to communicate with others. But there’s a huge difference between the warm, nurturing environment of AM, and reality of the working world. I’m not doing you any favors if I sugar coat it.
As a new animator with promotional animation, you simply haven’t earned your stripes. You haven’t learned the politics of the environment you now live in. You don’t understand the personalities and histories of the people you’re working with and working for. When you speak up to offer unsolicited suggestions, ideas, or critiques, you will at best be seen as annoying and be politely ignored. At worst you’ll create hard feelings and damage your career at that studio. True story: I was once almost fired for speaking up at a meeting with what I thought was a great idea. And you know what — it was a good idea, because it was ultimately implemented. But at the time I made that suggestion, I was the most junior person in that departmental meeting, and the producer running the meeting, who didn’t know me, took my suggestion as an attack. I only found out later that a supervising animator I’d worked with vouched for me, calmed the producer down, and saved my job. It took a couple of years for that producer to forgive me.
When you first come into a studio, you’re at the bottom of the food chain. Enjoy that you’ve made it to the first rung of the ladder, that you’re now a professional. Talk all you want to your friends and family (NOT on social media, you silly kids!). But at the studio, keep a low profile. I can’t say it more plainly: let your work speak for you, not your mouth. Unless you’re specifically asked, that is, and even then have some caution. Trust me, after you’ve been in the industry a few years, you’ll understand.
And if you have any questions about any of the other points, put them in the comments and I’ll try to respond to them there.
Don’t rush your work.
You will get pressure to work faster. Everyone does. But at the end of the project (when decisions are being made about staffing for the next project), the quality of your shots is what will be remembered. Within reason, never sacrifice quality for quantity. If you can’t yet be “fast and good,” then don’t settle for “fast and mediocre.” It’s better to be “slow but good,” and to progressively improve your workflow and speed.
Don’t complain. Don’t be negative.
In your private conversations, don’t badmouth coworkers or studio life in general. Animators can be a catty bunch, and some are world-class complainers. Don’t fall into the trap of gossiping, judging, whining, and moaning. As a new animator, your job is precarious enough — you don’t need to make enemies, and you definitely don’t want to be seen as negative. You’ll see this behavior sometimes from grizzled veterans, and joining in can feel a little cathartic at times. Just realize that behaving this way as a new animator is terrible for your reputation. When these kinds of conversations come up around you, don’t take part. In fact, avoid negative, whiney people as much as possible. They’re contagious. And this negative mindset does bad things to your work efficiency.
Don’t lobby for good shots.
You’re the new kid, no matter your age and skill level. You may have the idea that you deserve juicy shots, not the background walk cycles you keep getting stuck with. You may hear about others badgering the lead or the director for good shots, sometimes successfully. Don’t do it yourself. They will give you better shots when you’re ready, and you’re probably not ready. That are few things as annoying for a lead animator than juniors whining about that shots you’re assigning them. And remember, there are no small shots, only small animators.
Don’t hang out on the internet.
When I see an animator with multiple chat windows open, and a podcast playing, and funny gifs cycling, and a news feed going, I know I’m looking at someone who is working to about 20% of their potential. Sometimes I don’t see it, but I hear it — the constant clatter of keyboards as people are typing out chat messages going back and forth. Don’t get a reputation for this kind of time wasting. It really does kill your productivity. And the same goes for your phone — don’t take personal calls or texts during work time. Store your messages, and deal with them at lunch or during a break.
Don’t take critiques personally.
We pour our heart and souls into our work, but we are not our work. When someone critiques your work, they’re not judging you personally. An honest, no-holds-barred critique is a precious gift. Treat it as such. Try to never be defensive. The proper response to a blunt critique is “Thank you sir, may I have another.” Be open during critiques or you will stagnate as an animator.
Don’t work unpaid hours to get ahead.
You’re a professional now, which means you should be paid for your work. If everyone is crunching, then of course you do it. But don’t be that new kid who works late into the night, and comes in on weekends, so you can get yourself noticed by the boss. Other junior animators will see just what you’re doing — you’re trying to make yourself look better at their expense. They will resent you for it, as they should. And all you signal to the vets is that you don’t know how to get your work done. This is not a pathway to being respected.
Don’t butt in.
Don’t try to rush connecting socially at the studio. It can be lonely lonely at first, being a new animator. It can be frustrating seeing people around you who seem to have so much in common with you, who play the same games, like the same movies and comics, who love animation just like you. I see young animators often trying too hard to to force friendships, to wedge into established social groups. Don’t push too hard to become one of the gang. You will make friends, though at some studios it takes some time. Let it happen naturally, or else you might get tagged as pushy and annoying.
Don’t isolate yourself.
This is not a contradiction to the note above. Don’t form a bubble of solitude around yourself. Seek out feedback about your work, in a respectful way. Be friendly and open socially. And if you find yourself struggling, with an animation problem, or with a technical problem, reach out sooner rather than later. Ask for help if you need it, before it becomes a festering problem.
Don’t show your work ‘cold’ to the director.
Cultivate some coworkers who are willing to give you good, honest critiques, and listen to them. Try to only show your work to the director, or in dailies, after you’ve addressed this private feedback. I can promise you most of the best animators in the studio are doing this, and have been for years. That’s part of why they’re among the best. Remember, none of us are as good at judging our own animation as our peers are. Never forget this fact, and always get two or three extra sets of eyes on your shots. (And remember this when you’re updating your demo reel!)
Don’t assume no one knows who you are.
It might feel like no one cares about you, and that you’re unnoticed in general. In fact, lots of people are paying much more attention to you than you think. And they’re forming opinions. And those early impressions will stick. So do yourself a favor and be an upbeat, high energy, hard-working team player. Imagine you’re being noticed all the time, and behave accordingly.
Don’t be a jerk to PAs or production staff, ever.
Realize that some of those people who are at the bottom of the production staff hierarchy now will one day be producers, with the power to hire and fire you. And they have long memories. The friends and enemies you make early in your career will often continue to be a part of your working life for decades to come. This is a small, highly connected industry. Treat everyone respectfully, even if some people don’t really seem to deserve it. In the long run you’ll be glad you did.
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tae-and-honey · 8 years ago
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The Dishes Can Wait
I couldn’t let myself live so I wrote a fluffy tae fic :))) he’s my ult bias :)))))))
Pairing: Taehyung x reader
Words: 1.8k 
Prompt: “I wouldn’t have married you if I knew ______” I changed it a little because the original almost sounded malicious ??
Genre: fluff
A/N: btw this is supposed to be set in the future a few years, idk if it came off like that in the fic so yea :))))))
Leaving has never been your favorite part of your job, but it was easier before Taehyung waltzed into your life. It’s been almost 4 years with Taehyung now, some ups, some downs, but somehow everything works out. The distance, the pressure from fans, constant promotions; they could never get between your heart and Taehyung’s.
It started when you began working at BigHit, after years of hard work, of climbing your way up, you became a scout. You always knew you wanted to work with music, so becoming a scout appealed highly to you. It wasn’t long before you met the Bangtan Boys; holiday parties, being in and out of the BigHit offices, you met the boys and quickly hit it off. You initially talked to Namjoon the most because your Korean was weak, but as your Korean grew stronger and the boys’ English grew stronger, it was easier to talk. You ended up hanging out with all of the members regularly, but especially Taehyung. He would accompany you to different places like street festivals in order to scout, and you would go with him to the studio to hear him record. Your relationship was a classic case of “you both really like each other, but you’re too afraid to ruin the friendship”, and eventually the boys got sick of the obvious tension between you two. Enough badgering from the other members (especially Namjoon) led to Tae surprising you at the dorm with flowers and a simple, but heartfelt confession. It had been the sweetest night, leading to the sweetest relationship you’ve ever had. You quickly fell in love with his little charms, and as did he with yours. Fast forward a few years, you married the love of your life.
Normally, Taehyung is the one who has to travel for work, leaving you at home. While distance is never easy, it almost felt like being the one at home made the miles easier. Being able to sleep in your bed, that still had his smell lingering in it; his smell sweet and fresh and something entirely comforting. You could hide yourself away in his sweatshirts and countdown the days until he returned. But this time, you have to leave, going to California for all the summer festivals which will be “crawling with aspiring artists”; you’ll be gone for a month. Neither you or Taehyung were happy to hear the news, having Taehyung just get back from tour, hoping to spend more time with him. You had a week, then you’d be leaving.
“You can do this, babe. We’ve been apart before, and we’ve managed. It’ll be okay.” Tae assured me, helping me pack. “Yeah, I know, but you’re always the one who’s gone, not me” you mutter. “Wow thanks hon” Tae shoots back, chuckling from how your statement came off. Realizing, you quickly try to correct yourself. “I just meant that it’s easier being here, at home and missing you, than it would be to be somewhere I’ve never been before, missing you.” you say defeatedly, tossing a tank top into your suitcase. You feel Taehyung’s wrap around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I know, it’s not ideal, but you can do it, you’re my strong girl” he giggles, pulling your arms up to look like you’re flexing. You can’t help but laugh, pulling your arms back down. “Stop making fun of me and help me pack, you jerk.” You say, trying to hide your smile as you fold clothes. “Babe, I’m going to help you do what I do when I go on tour.” Confusion showing on your face, Tae continues. “You gotta grab some of my t shirts, a sweatshirt or two, and spray them with my cologne. Because that’s what I do when I have to go away, but with your stuff.” Your shoulders drop, physically melting because of how cute he is. Hugging him tight, you whisper “I love you” just loud enough for him to hear, as he squeezes you back.
All packed and ready, you and Tae drive to the airport as your nerves grow. Taehyung goes with you through check in and goes as far as he can before you have to have a ticket to proceed. Taking a moment to drop your bags and look at Tae, you let out a deep breath. His hand holding yours calms you, and seeing you look up at him, Taehyung kisses your forehead. “It’s okay, love, I promise. Message me when you land and when you get to the hotel and I’ll skype you later, okay? I love you, be safe.” Hugging Tae, you say “I love you too, I’ll see you soon.” Taking your hand back, you grab your bags, and walk to security, waving bye to Taehyung.  
It’s been a week in California, and even though you do miss Tae and home, you have to appreciate how nice California can be. The abundance of places to visit, cafes, and restaurants from every culture make it a little easier to enjoy your time away. You’ve been able to connect with a few friends that have moved to California, and have had fun. You’d thought that you’d be constantly holed up in your hotel room, sulking over the absence of your husband.
Most of your mornings are spent trying to be active (i.e. spending 10 minutes in your hotel’s gym), then getting ready for the day, grabbing a latte, and going to the BigHit correspondent’s office, getting your assignments for the day. There are a lot of summer festivals in Koreatown and other places, giving you the opportunity to scout.
The next few weeks are pretty monotonous, with occasional breaks when there are no festivals, but overall, you’ve gotten tired of being away. By the time the last week rolls around, you’re happy to leave, even though you did enjoy yourself. The nightly talks with Taehyung have been such a comfort to you, but you can’t wait to be at home in the comfort of his arms.
You set to packing back up, suitcase bulging with the numerous things you picked up, mostly for Tae, some things for the boys, and some things for you. You’re messaging Tae, talking about flight times and when you should be back in Korea. The long flight ahead of you seems daunting, but you’re more than ready to be home.
After what felt like an eternity on a plane (14 hours to be exact), you’re finally back in Korea, and you physically feel more comfortable. You’ve been in contact with Tae, and once you make it through the extensive customs, immigration, and baggage lines, you can finally go home.
After making it through the lines, you make your way to the doors, taking you to where Tae should be. But when you get through the sliding doors, you don’t see him. Your heart rate rises, getting worried. You hear your name being called, and you search for the voice. You find Jin waving you over. You make your way over to him, wondering where Taehyung is. You hug Jin and ask “where’s Taehyung?”. He hugs you back, saying “he has a surprise for you at home, and he needed me to pick you up. It seems to me like he was planning on picking you up, but something wrong.” You chuckle, imagining the trouble your husband could have gotten himself into. “Well, as long as he didn’t set the house on fire I think it’ll be okay. Thank you for picking me up though!” Jin smiles, “you’re welcome! Let’s get you back.” Jin grabs your bag, and you guys venture towards his car.
Jin drops you off and you take the elevator up to your apartment, barely containing your excitement to see your husband. You make it to your floor, find your apartment, and unlock the door. But when you do, your jaw drops. You freeze, surveying the scene. There’s what looks like spaghetti sauce splashed all over the counters, some on the cabinets, and... yup he managed to get it on the ceiling. There’s containers of ingredients littering every flat surface in the kitchen, dishes are piled in the sink, and the room smells faintly of burnt food. Your eyes find Taehyung in the middle of it all, looking flustered, with what looks like a noodle in his hair. Taehyung looks up, first with an exasperated face that turns into a big smile when he sees you in the doorway. You close the door, setting your bags down. You look around your mess of a kitchen, saying “I swear I wouldn’t have married you if I knew you were such a mess.” You giggle, but immediately running into Taehyung’s arms, disregarding the amount of sauce covering his apron. He hugs you tight, so tight you felt like you could pop, but you just return the hug, needing to feel him in your arms. Taehyung pulls away and captures your lips, making you feel like you’re melting, his strong arms still circling you. Eventually, you have to pull away, needing to breathe. You look up at Taehyung, going back in for a small, sweet kiss, before pulling away. “Do you want to order a pizza instead?”, your eyes finding the remains of an attempted meal. “God yes. I swear there’s a reason you do the cooking,” he laughs, pulling you in for another hug.
After ordering the pizza, you help Taehyung clean himself up, getting the noodles out of his hair, and putting both of your clothes in the wash. You both change into comfy clothes, cuddling up on the couch with your pizza and watching a movie. When the movie was over, you feel Taehyung getting up. “Where ya going?” you ask. He traced circles on your arm before getting up. “Those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves.” You grab his hand, pulling him back to you. “The dishes can wait, let’s go to bed.” Tae contemplates it for a second before agreeing with you. “Okay, come on”, he says tugging your hand. You whine, not wanting to move. Taehyung laughs lightly before grabbing you and picking you up as if you were a child. You giggle, but let him carry you to your bedroom. In the comfort of his arms, it’s easy for you to lay your head on his shoulder and doze off, and before you really realize how tired you are, you’re already asleep. He carefully lays you down in bed, covering you with the comforter, seeing your sleeping form. He softly brushes your hair back and kisses your forehead delicately. “I swear, I wouldn’t have waited to marry you if I knew how perfect you are.”
idk if im ready to cry or to hurl this is too cute i love tae so much im ready for death. I hope you guys like it!!  ❤ ❤
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ivehungtheskywithstars · 7 years ago
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To the men reading: You may already do some of these things, and others you may not be in the position to do. But a good place to start is by, at the very least, reading the list through—in its entirety. And remember: These apply all year, not just during the annual 24 hours dedicated to half of the planet’s population. 1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do. 2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman. 3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish. 4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard. 5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect. 6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body. 7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.) 8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them. 9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever. 10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD. 11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.” 12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately. 13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman. 14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read. 15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion." 16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.” 17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant. 18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.” 19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome. 20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place. 21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it. 22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase. 23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional. 24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable. 25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise. 26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders. 27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.” 28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers. 29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over. 30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady. 31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot. 32. Pay for porn. 33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them. 34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them. 35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.” 36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men. 37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it. 38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing. 39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it. 40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts. 41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason. 42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more. 43. Make a round of tea for the office. 44. Wash it up. 45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women. 46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel. 47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is. 48. Make sure there's childcare at your events. 49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run. 50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day. 51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up. 52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself. 53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel. 54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you. 55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.) 56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.) 57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it. 58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened. 59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them. 60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of. 61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once. 62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too. 63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse. 64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM. 65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women. 66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women. 67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs. 68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT? 69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal. 70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return? 71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group. 72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men. 73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public. 74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her. 75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise. 76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions. 77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary. 78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe. 79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere. 80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny. 81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men. 82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex. 83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague. 84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you. 85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise. 86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?) 87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home. 88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate. 89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it. 90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it. 91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked. 92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant. 93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them. 94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas. 95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t. 96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together. 97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools. 98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses. 99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like. 100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”
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