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pixelatedraindrops · 1 year ago

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RAINCODE COMIC COLLAB~☔️

BEHOLD THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR!!

3 full weeks of work and its finally completed!

So @kazinsblog and I did another raincode art collab together but this one was a HUGE project! This one's a full 18 page comic!

Idk if you all remember the comic idea that Kazin was planning to do that involved Yuma overworking himself until he gets sick and then gets tended to by everyone else. But when I saw it, I decided to ask her if she was willing to possibly collaborate on it, remaking it where she sketched it and I colored it.

Kazin's Beta images: 1 2 3 4

So here's the results of all that work. We've been at this since December 17th so this has been an almost full month collaboration. And of course mine's a bit more altered to my own style as well as adding my own touches and making it a little more whumpy/extreme... X'D I also freehand drew shinigami in my version as well.

Both our versions look pretty different! The only thing that are the same are the poses. So feel free to check out Kazin's traditional version as well!

Since its an 18 page comic, I decided to put it under a keep reading so it won't clutter everyone's timelines. Also, I will be narrating the pages because I love narrating sick filler type stories. So brace yourself for a VERY LOOONG post!! Def need time to read this one! (and no purple tinted filters here this time!)

Also note: If the writing is blue, it means the character is thinking, just like in the game! :)

And I apologize on the inconsistency of Yuma's bangs... I thought it was one way before so half of the comic he looks like he has square bangs... oof XD I fix it around page 10

ANYWAY, hope you enjoy this soft buffet, Raincode Community! 🌡️💕

(Page 1)

Our story begins on an ordinary day in Kanai Ward. Rainy gloomy and depressing as ever. Our little victim... wait... XD I mean protagonist Yuma decides to go out to investigate more about Kanai Ward to try to track down it's supposed ultimate secret. Yakou sets him off wishes him well and tells him to be careful. However, as he's out, he finds out a lot of people in the city need help. Because of his good nature and unable to turn down someone in need, he decides to help whoever he can. (the ultimate side-questing lol) Before he knows it, he's soaking wet and he had helped 10 people in total. Time passed and it was almost evening so he returns to the submarine. Yuma was completely unphased by this. (and he didn't dry himself off for 4 hours due to being occupied with tasks)

(Page 2)

Yuma returns to the Agency's submarine to greet his chief holding his meatbun order. (that also got wet) But Yakou notices that the trainee is sopping wet to the core and shivering. He immediately loudly demands that he sit down so he can tend to him. Yuma does as he's told and sits on the checkered sofa. Yakou rushes to the shower room to grab some small towels to help him dry off. But because Yakou is so panicked, he ends up being very rough in drying Yuma, pulling his hair and causing the small boy pain. After he dries him off, he tells Yuma he isn't allowed to leave anymore for the rest of the day and demands him to rest. Yuma tries to retaliate using puppy eyes, but it doesn't work. Yakou is immune.

(Page 3)

The next day Yuma asks Yakou if he can go out to work after he finishes his morning chores around the place looking very eager. Yakou still looks a little concerned by how tired Yuma looks, so he tells him to not go out alone. He assigns him a partner to go with the rest of the week.

On the first day he's paired with Halara. The two of them are asked to investigate the art gallery of Ginma. (maybe after the nail man case) But over time, Yuma starts developing a lingering cough that persists for quite some time. Halara asks Yuma is he's okay, to which Yuma lies saying that it's due to the dust of the room. But of course being sharp, Halara isn't buying it. But they decide to not persist him further.

On the second day, he's paired with Desuhiko. They're asked to go help out at the Aetheria Academy with another case (not murder related this time) However on the way to the school and in Ginma, Yuma starts slowing down, he's shaking and is a little wobbly. Desuhiko notices this and asks if he wants to go to the cafe for a drink. Yuma nods and as they go to the cafe and order some coffee, Yuma takes off his hat and coat and Desuhiko finally realizes how pale he looks. He's even slower at replying to him as he speaks, as if he's in a daze. Desuhiko decides to take Yuma back to the agency after this.

(Page 4)

On Day three, he's paired with Fubuki. But he doesn't even make it to the case as when he goes to the sun and moon hotel to meet with her, Fubuki notices and points out that Yuma's face looks red. The boy clearly had a fever building. Yuma argues with her but Fubuki persists. The two of them try to go to the case but Yuma nearly collapses. So Fubuki returns him to the agency.

On the fourth day where he's supposed to be paired with Vivia he spends a majority of the day passed out. Vivia decides to watch over him using his forte to not disturb him. During the night while he's asleep, his breathing gets more labored and he's completely restless. Vivia looks at him deeply worried for his dear friend's well being.

The next morning Yuma somehow finds the strength to get himself up. Maybe that one day of rest was enough. But Yakou insists that he stays put today. Angrily yelling at him to be still and take today off as well.

Meanwhile, a certain two seem to notice each other...

(Page 5)

Vivia's spirit notices Shinigami and decides to give her a warning. Make sure Yuma listens to Yakou and doesn't leave. Giving her the iciest glare, Shinigami fearfully agrees.

But this effort would be for naught, despite how he feels, Yuma's relentless determination forces himself up, putting on his rain attire and heads up the steps of the sub to the outside when Yakou isn't looking. Shinigami does what she can to stop him, but he doesn't listen...and Shinigami being a ghost, there was nothing she could do to physically hold him back. All she could do was follow, and prepare for the inevitable.

By some miracle he makes it to the church, up the stairs to speak to the nun. Who tells him to play therapy again for the townsfolk. He nods and heads to his first client. But when he returns to kamasaki to speak to him, he can barely make out what he's saying as he lets out a few more coughs.

Once he leaves the client, before long, Yuma could hear something in his body snap.

(Note: I direct most of the story, but Vivia conversing with Shinigami in spirit mode was actually Kazin's idea! So credit to her for that, So silly and fun! ^^)

(Page 6)

Yuma's body had finally reached it's limit. All the fatigue, chills and body aches had hit him all at once at full force like armed weaponry. His head began throbbing, he was shaking violently and uncontrollably, he felt nauseated by the rain's smell, and his body heat and the lingering dizziness was unbearable. He found a safe corner in the alleyway of Kamasaki to collapse. Telling Shinigami she was right and he should have listened to her, while the burning fever and cold rain wrecked his delicate frame even further. His voice was hardly audible, but Shinigami still heard and practically tells him to go back. But Yuma had no strength left...

Then like clockwork as they finish speaking, he could hear his name called. At first it sounded kind and questionable. But that rapidly changed, the voice now angrily yelling out his full name. As he looked up this voice belonged to...Yakou. He looks down at the boy in pure disappointment and anger.

Turns out a certain someone was tailing him. And alerted Yakou what happened just in time.

(Note: I make the red darker the more extreme the temperature and lighter the less extreme. I got to experiment with all sorts of new ways to color fevers hehe~ >w<)

(Page 7)

Yuma shockingly looks up at Yakou. Oh no, he was so BUSTED! Shinigami even says as much. Yakou practically scoops Yuma in his arms carrying him back to the agency. As he was lifted Yuma's world begun spinning. He could barely hear the chief nagging him in a panicked tone. It was all distorted and it was making his head hurt more. Yakou placed a hand to his cheek and was shocked by how hot it felt. All Yuma could do was apologize and hope his world stops spinning and that Yakou eventually stops yelling... (also I put numbers for the order to read the speech bubbles in)

Upon returning to the agency, Yakou dries Yuma off, asks Desuhiko to give him a warm set of clothes to borrow and put him to his own bed. Grabbing a basin of very cold water, washcloths and a digital thermometer. He placed one of the wet cold cloths under his bangs and upon reading the boy's temperature, it was high. Almost high enough to visit the ER. Yakou was even more mad, but speaks in a non yelling tone. Giving Yuma another stern warning to not leave the bed. To which Yuma weakly agrees to.

But Yakou's back to yelling again, feeling paranoid Yuma would be missing by the time he gets back from getting the supplies. So he drills that message right into the boy's already throbbing head once more. Everyone else in the office awkwardly listen in as the sick trainee gets scolded.

(Note: Just an FYI, Yuma's speech bubbles being wavy is a sign his voice is raspy and the text being a bit hard to read means his voice is hardly audible)

(Page 8)

Yakou leaves Yuma alone and walks into the office in his raincoat telling the other detectives that he'll be leaving soon and to watch over Yuma in his absence and NOT let him leave. He is so full of anger and anxiety that he yells at all of them too.

Everyone agrees and as Yakou leaves, they all discuss among themselves Yuma's state the days they were partners with him. He was in bad shape. And he only got worse as the days went by. They all knew.

(Page 9)

Meanwhile back in Yakou's quarters, Yuma was getting lectured yet again. This time by his death god partner, Shinigami. The poor trainee only wanted peace and quiet to make the pain in his head go away, using what little energy he has remaining speaking in his head he tried telling her to stop.

But the aggravated spirit persisted, saying that as his mentor she had the right to scold him just as much as Yakou. She continued her rant, until an abrupt sound from her master shut her up.

The few coughs that came from Yuma eventually erupted into a full blown coughing fit. The coughs sounding more wet, rough and serious. After coughing 10 to 15 times in a row Yuma was exhausted. Shinigami looked down at him panting with concern and pity in her eyes. She decided to stop the lecture for his sake.

After the fit, Yuma was left raggedly breathing. As Shinigami gave him her permission to rest and take it easy, he didn't answer. He couldn't. That fit completely mangled his throat. He was not able to speak vocally or in thought process anymore due to his head being in too much pain. As was the rest of his body, aching and burning. So he didn't answer her. All he could do was hope sleep would eventually take hold of him to make all this awful heat and pain stop even if for a just moment.

(Note: That's the penalty Yuma... x'D Sorry I gotta make him suffer lol. Also this is the only page that’s actually read left to right. I messed that up, sorry!!)

(Page 10)

After some time passed it was time for the Master Detectives to all take part in taking care of Yuma. The whole agency had a day off to do this. So upon his return, Yakou instructs everyone to look after Yuma in 2 hour shifts through the day. Even if it was just to watch him sleep. He couldn't be left alone.

Halara was first. Their task was to help Yuma take the medicine that was bought. There were three types of medicine for him to take. Antibiotics (white pills) for the general illness symptoms, painkillers (red and white pills) for the headache/fever, and finally...cough syrup. (aka his least favorite... XD) Halara made sure to be very gentle with Yuma propping him upward as his whole body was burning and he was very shaky. He even had trouble drinking the water, so Halara had to get a mug instead so they could help him drink it by holding the handle, and using the other hand to support his back. Despite the struggle, Halara worked diligently to complete their task as a caretaker in full. (as for who paid them to do this...idk I'll leave that to your imagination XD)

(The cough syrup idea was inspired by this fic :3)

Desuhiko had the second shift and the whole time he was waiting for his turn, he was writing a song for Yuma. Having the delusion that his angelic voice would lul the sick boy to sleep, he played his guitar and began singing. Yuma's headache did improve enough to speak in his head now, but that wouldn't last, as the loud noises from the guitar made his head pound even further with every strum. Shinigami begs for the noise to cease fire on her poor eardrums, but Yuma doesn't have it in him to stop Desuhiko. The gesture was kind so he decided to try to listen to the whole song, despite the noise. He does eventually tell him to stop though (using hand gestures) when another song comes afterward. So then the two spend their time conversing for a bit, (though desuhiko does more of the talking as yuma just nods or makes small noises/hand gestures due to his throat still hurting too much to talk) Desuhiko even telling him he could keep the sweater and shorts he had lent to him. To which Yuma softly smiles at him as a thank you before he eventually falls asleep again.

Fubuki has the third shift, and her task was to feed Yuma the warm vegetable soup that was bought earlier and that Halara had just finished making, along with Fubuki's help. She volunteers to feed him as she remembers a time she was ill as a child in the clockford mansion and one of her servants tended to her, feeding her soup just the same. Unfortunately, because this was a memory of her early childhood, she repeats similar phrases as the servant did when she was feeding Yuma, who was clearly not a small child. Yuma's fever had dropped enough to where he could find a bit of strength to try and sit up on his own now, and his once mangled throat’s condition had improved for him to speak a little bit. As he listened to Fubuki's rambling he tries to play along with her despite the whole thing being a bit embarrassing for someone his age. At least the soup was nice and warm. It felt good going down his very sore throat.

(Funny Fact: The order that Yuma is both partnered and tended to by each detective, is the same order as the chapters in game he's partnered with them LOL)

(Page 11)

It was evening, and now it was Vivia's turn to take the fourth and final shift. At first he was just going to sit and watch Yuma while he read his book quietly, but Yakou suggested that he read one of his books out loud to Yuma to help him relax better like a bedtime story. Vivia was unsure at first, as he's never read to anyone before. But he decided to give it a try. He asks Yuma what his preference in literature is before he starts, and Yuma tells him he enjoys detective novels the most. So he pulls out the novel that was in his reading list and begins to read it out loud to him. Turns out he was quite a natural at narrating, and his slow voice was very soothing. Yuma felt so relaxed that he felt like he would fall asleep any minute, but he tries to stay awake to listen to the story a bit more. Shinigami however, conks out immediately. (fyi: yes this is the novel Vivia talks about in his final gumshoe gab. I tried to make up stuff based on it.. X'D)

Once the clock strikes 9pm and night falls, the Master Detectives all wish Yuma well and leave to return to the hotel to retire for the night. It was just Yakou and Yuma now. Yakou, who had just come back from another errand, walks over to Yuma who was now fast asleep. He looked a little better so Yakou removed the towel from his forehead and places his hand onto it. It still felt warm but no longer as hot as it did hours ago. Meaning he was out of the danger zone, much to Yakou's relief. He places the towel back in the water basin wringing it out and re-applying it to his forehead. Then he lets out a yawn. He was pretty tired. He decides that instead of sleeping in the office on one of the sofas, he'd stay by Yuma's side. His removes his jacket, goes and turns off the overhead lights, sits down and places his head down on his desk. Then after telling the sleeping trainee goodnight he turns off the small light by his desk.

OKAY FUN FACT: The comic WAS going to end here going on to the final page... Buuut~ We were STARVING for some good ol' Yakou Fathero :3 So... Enjoy these bonus 6 pages of Yakou having a shift of his own to look after Yuma in the middle of the night. And its the longest shift.

This ones for you Yakou Fathero fans! Eat your fill!

(I know we sure did :3)

Also I apologize if the lighting here is inaccurate ;w; I tried my best I'm no pro LOL

(Page 12)

A little past midnight, Yuma was stirring in his sleep. Making all sorts of groaning sounds as if he was in pain. He was likely having a nightmare. This is confirmed by his eyes suddenly opening and him violently flinging himself up screaming, and the cold cloth flying off his forehead.

This sound wakes Yakou up immediately as he puts his glasses back on asking Yuma if he's okay. He flicks the light by his desk on to check on him. Yuma's found shaking with tears in his eyes stating quietly that it was just a dream. Yakou sympathizes with Yuma as fever dreams were usually not fun, but a fever NIGHTMARE was always bad. The chief offers the shaking trainee some water to try to help him settle down.

(FYI: Shinigami is going to be absent from this part of the story because I think her banter and antics would ruin the fluff, so she'll just be lurking above in the shelf like a cat the whole time.)

(Page 13)

Yuma accepts the water practically snatching it from Yakou's hands and quickly gulping it down. Yakou tells him to pace himself not wanting him to choke. Once he exhales from the water drink, Yuma sheepishly apologizes for waking Yakou up with his scream, feeling like a burden. Yakou reassures him it's okay and decides to ask him the question of why he pushed himself this far while he was still awake. Hard enough to make himself sick. Why did he do it?

Yuma was surprised by this but decides to try to tell him. He hands the water glass back and began talking. Under his raspy voice and somewhat heavy breathing, he says that he wanted to be useful as he felt like a burden to everyone since he lost his memory. He also says that he likes helping others and that it feels familiar to him. Determined to try to unlock a core memory of his past he kept doing this, even to the point of pushing his limits.

Then he suddenly stopped speaking...

(Page 14)

...aaand cue the coughing fit. Yuma's throat got scratchy and irritated after his long explanation, causing him to cough about 5/8 times in a row. Not as bad as his previous fit but it was more than enough to startle and worry Yakou.

Yakou quickly hands Yuma the water glass he had just taken from him hoping it would soothe his throat. He tells him that helping others is a good thing but he shouldn't push himself to the point that his health gets affected. Yuma quietly nods and as he sips the water still shaking, Yakou feels bad and decides to apologize to him for being harsh before. Stating that he only lost his temper because he was scared and worried for him. He also places his hand to Yuma's cheek in both comfort and to check his temperature. It felt slightly warmer than a few hours ago.

Yuma quietly apologizes to Yakou for worrying him, still holding the water glass. Yakou forgives him. Then he takes the glass from him and then the towel that fell off Yuma's forehead. He grabs a fresh one and soaks it in the basin wringing it out and places it back on the trainee’s forehead unintentionally a bit roughly. Yuma groans and shivers a little from the cold of it.

Yakou then lies Yuma back down, tucking him back in trying to make him comfortable. But his actions were a bit too comforting. He was not meaning to in any way and he wasn't sure what came over him, but he was treating Yuma like a little kid. Yuma notices and feels a little embarrassed by it, but decides to only say it in his head.

Yakou decides to do one more thing before he lets him go back to sleep.

(Note: Hey far as anyone's concerned Yuma, you are practically his BABY when you are having a sick day, so deal with it hehehe :3c)

(Page 15)

Temperature taking page time :D (my favorite, teehee! I know some cultures and in anime they take the temperature under the arm, but there's just something so endearing and adorable about a sickie with a thermometer in their mouth <3 OKAY MY RAMBLING ASIDE...)

Yakou is now a bit concerned that Yuma's fever spiked again after that little harsh coughing fit so he decides to take his temperature one more time before letting Yuma go to sleep again. Yuma obliges and goes along with it opening his mouth as the device is inserted.

After 15 seconds the device beeps and Yakou takes it out. Yuma shyly pulls the duvet up to his face and hides as he meekly asks if its any better feeling a little nervous. Yakou responds that it is better than it was the first time, where it was a dangerous degree.

However, he still wasn't out of the woods yet. The fever was still there and although it went down, it was still in the red. Yakou states that he's still feverish to which Yuma just apologizes. Poor thing just wants this to be over, he really doesn't want to trouble anyone anymore.

(sorry yuma I can't let you off that easily hehe 😈)

(also yes I put an instruction manual for how the thermometer works, I am so obsessed that I even give the thermometer lore LMAO. Sorry if I'm inaccurate in any of those readings. I used google... ^^;)

(Page 16)

Yakou places the thermometer back on the desk and tells Yuma to go to sleep. Saying the fever will likely break by morning. To which Yuma states that he's in Yakou's bed and that he should return to the checkered sofa so his boss could sleep, attempting to try getting up. But Yakou puts a hand on his shoulder stopping him and denies this and says his desk is fine and that Yuma needed the bed more than him.

He also says that if Yuma had another bad dream that he would be there for him. Yuma smiles at Yakou quietly thanking him as he's tucked back into the duvet. Yakou pats it gently telling the trainee to close his eyes.

It isn't long before Yuma is back to being fast asleep. (and shinigami too)

Yakou monologues to himself for a bit groaning at how much trouble this small detective has been for him since he showed up. But then he switches his tune and places a hand to Yuma's head petting it softly. He says he's happy he's working hard for the sake of his memories but right now he needs to work on getting better. Saying it would help everyone in the agency if he wanted to help people.

He wishes him well continuing to pet his head for a bit longer to soothe him before going back to sleep himself turning the light off again.

(Page 17)

2 hours later, Yuma was stirring and whining in his sleep once again. Yakou groggily wakes up wiping his tired eyes upon hearing the soft noises the small trainee was uttering. And he was crying again. Can only be one thing: Another nightmare.

Instead of turning the light on to wake him up, Yakou moves his chair close to him sitting at his side. Not saying a single word. (cept in his head lol) He reaches his hand for Yuma's as it twitches and he takes hold of it gently.

Yakou eventually leans on the bed as he does so and falls asleep sitting up again. Yuma's groaning and and heavy breathing begin to settle down a little as he felt Yakou's presence close by.

Then he smiles as he closes his hand in his sleep holding Yakou's hand back, leaning a bit close to it. He felt safe again... <3

(Note: This poor thing has way too much trauma... ;w; I headcanon that he's prone to night terrors on occasion, but when he gets a fever, its even WORSE. Fevers do be messing with your head... x3)

(Page 18 Final)

The next morning when Yakou wakes up, he checks on Yuma. He still felt slightly warm but he looked much better. Seemed the worst was over and it would likely last just one more day.

When he's fully awake and at his desk, Desuhiko shows up asking Yakou if Yuma's okay and offered to wake him up. Yakou denies it saying Yuma needed one more day of rest, the fever may have been only slight now, but in the rain it would rise again easily.

Desuhiko agrees and declares that he's going to work hard today. Likely to make up for Yuma's absence. Yakou teases him and the two have a bit of a banter.

Yuma meanwhile is asleep peacefully. Still having a slight red tint to his cheeks, but he's able to sleep a lot easier now. His fever was slowly but surely breaking. (now in the yellow) Shinigami sleeps beside him, making sure she protects him from any nightmares in yakou's absence. (after all only SHE can give her master nightmares)

He wakes up fully recovered the following morning thanking everyone for taking such good care of him, and he makes sure to not push himself anymore. And continues searching for the city's ultimate secret while pacing himself to help others from now on.

THE END ❤️

(I practically made this into a sickfic in its own right... XD)

Thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed!! This is just a little artist credit page I made for Kazin and I c: Also art semi-face reveal?? xD Kinda?? Idk lol (we just two gals that like our sick comfort haha x3)

Anyway thank you again Kazin for doing this with me!! It was hard work but it was a blast and the final result came out amazing. Its surely a project I will cherish forever~ 💜🩷✨🌡️

A wholesome story to start 2024 on a good note.

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befuddled-calico-whump · 2 months ago

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Obsolete

cw: nsfw themes/implications, abuse, manipulation, fear, brief emeto mention, choking. (this chapter can be skipped without losing out on plot, it's a bit heavy)

previous // T$$ Masterlist // next

~ ~ ~

Sahota slouches on the bed, both feet planted firmly on the tile floor as if that’s enough to keep him tethered, keep his thoughts from drifting too far. He holds the gag in both hands, turning it over and over and over, watching the metal sections that make up most of its structure catch the light.

He doesn't know long Harbor had been there when he arrived, already shaking from the stress on his body, tension to his shoulders and core brought on by the heavy leather cuffs that secured him to the foot of the bed.

He'd tried to pull away when Sahota knelt to remove the gag.

“F-fuck off.”

“This isn't what you want, Harbor.”

“It's what Vic wants.”

He'd cursed and insulted and tried to elicit a reaction that wasn't get out from him, but in the end he'd left.

“You're jealous,” he'd spat as Sahota closed the door behind him. There was something desperate in his tone, like he hoped if he said it with enough fervor he'd believe it, like he wished a rivalry was the only thing to worry about.

Like he was willing to thrust his hand into a fire just to feel the warmth.

“You're just fucking jealous.”

He isn't. Is he? Jealous is too simple a way of putting it. He wants Vic's gaze to linger on him the way it does Harbor, he wants the idle touches as they pass in the hall, the I'm proud of you's and I know you can do it's.

He needs his attention as much as he loathes it.

Shouldn't he be grateful his master's lust is being directed elsewhere?

Doesn't it mean he isn't enough anymore? What then? If Vic is finally tired of him, what does that mean? Will he be thrown out, abandoned? Or will he become another loose end that needs to be tied up?

It felt like that during their mock interrogation. It's been months since he's seen Vic that angry, much less at him, he's been far too careful for that. He never should've tried, never should've given the others the hope that they could take an alternate path. He's the reason they're trying to salvage control, he's the reason Vic’s tightening his fist around them.

If he hadn't gone behind his back with the challenge, would they have been allowed to to go after Manak?

Would Manak even be lost in the first place?

Sahota can't fight a grimace. He's learned this lesson a thousand times over already; he should know better.

You can't say no to Vic.

He knows that, knows the consequences, and yet here he is. He can only hope it won't be Harbor that suffers for it.

The handle turns. Sahota half expects it to be the belligerent trainee, back with more choice words and arguments. When the door reveals Vic, a part of him wants to curl up and hide, reduced once again to a terrified kid who should fucking know better.

He wants to shrink under Vic’s gaze as they meet eyes, silence drawing out between them, but he doesn’t, instead stiffening his spine against the fear that curdles in his stomach, instead daring to open his mouth.

“How long would you have left him here?” A safe enough place to start. Not an accusation, He lets his hands fall into his lap, the gag still held between them.

Vic leans against the doorframe, arms crossing his chest. “Would've been going on six hours now, if you hadn't cut him loose.”

“Six hours,” Sahota repeats flatly.

“I've kept you for thrice that.”

“He isn't me.”

“And you hate that, don't you?” He pushes himself up from the wall, moving into the room, closing in. “Why? I know you don't care for him.”

Because Vic always knows everything, because Sahota can never hide things from him. He doesn’t care for Harbor. He doesn’t let himself care for anyone these days. Still, under the envy and the fear there’s a stark horror at the thought that someone else will take his place, will suffer as Vic's plaything, will render him pointless.

“Am I not enough for you?” he says.

Vic clicks his tongue, cupping Sahota’s cheek with a warm hand. “Is that what you're afraid of, little spy? Being replaced?”

Yes. No. “Why do you want him?”

“He's a flashy thing. Caught my eye.” Vic chuckles. “So desperate for any human interaction he'd disembowel himself for a pat on the head.”

Is that what it comes down to? Another person for Vic to hurt, another body in his control. He shakes his head. “Vic—”

He's silenced with a kiss. There's something foreign in it. A new excitement, amusement that he cares about this, that he's scared.

“He won't replace you. He'd make a good dog though, don't you think?” He nuzzles into Sahota's neck. “Once you warm up to the idea, maybe I'll even let you play with him.”

Sahota jerks away, a breath lodging in his throat. He couldn't, he couldn’t. The idea of Vic dragging Harbor into this stings enough. The thought of playing along—of holding the younger man down, hurting him, controlling him—is too much to hold. He wants to throw up.

“Is that a no?”

“Whatever you want to do to him, you know I can take,” Sahota says, his voice low and insistent. He’s nearly pleading. He doesn’t know why he’s pleading for this.

It should feel good, shouldn't it? To know he may never again take the brunt of Vic's affections, to be elevated to a place of control.

It doesn't. It burns like bile.

“I know.” Vic’s hand strokes his cheek, thumb coming to rest on his lower lip. “When's the last time you cried for me?” It seems more a musing than a question he wants answered, but even if it were, Sahota doesn’t think he can speak to it.

He can’t remember the last time himself.

No, that's not true. Just days ago, he was crying, but not for Vic. It feels like such a potent secret he’s nearly purged it from his mind, and now he's afraid his master will see it on his face, the weakness he dared to show to these outsiders.

Ander, my name is Ander.

His own words echo back to him in a way that makes him shudder. By some stroke of luck, Vic doesn't notice, his eyes on the gag in Sahota's lap.

His hand falls away from his face, and he fixes him with a searching gaze. “Are you afraid he makes you obsolete?”

Sahota drops his eyes. “I… Yes.” It seems too simple an answer, but it’s the easiest explanation. One that might satisfy Vic.

“And you’d prefer it if I left him alone?” He tips his chin up with a finger. “If it stays just you and me?”

“Yes.” His answer is quieter this time. Vic hmms, and the silence seems to stretch for a long moment, every wordless breath drawing more fear into Sahota, pulling tension into his body. Then, Vic suddenly pushes him back onto the mattress, one hand curling in his hair, the other cupping his chin as he kisses him, hot and fierce. Sahota returns the kiss until he’s breathless.

“Hands behind your back.”

He obeys without much thought. It’s been a while since Vic’s tied him up for this. Months, at least. Silky rope winds around his wrists, and then he’s rolled onto his back, heart hammering with anticipation. There’s fear there too, but he tries to shove it down. Isn’t this what he wants? Isn’t this what he just begged for?

He opens his mouth to say something, but Vic’s hands shoot out, locking around his throat, squeezing, cutting off air. Panic floods through him, but he has Vic's touch memorized. His body knows not to respond, to take it, no matter how much his mind wants to rebel.

“What if I did want to replace you, Ander?”

Sahota’s eyes widen at the words, barely audible over the blood rushing in his ears. His body spasms from the lack of air, heels digging into the mattress, but Vic doesn't let up.

“What if I am tired of you, hm? What can you do about it?”

His wrists burn, the rope digging into them as his arms shake involuntarily, reaching to remove the pressure. No… No, he can’t mean it, Vic can’t mean it, he’s his. He’s been his for twelve years, he can’t just be replaced, he can’t just let the fucking cycle start all over again. Tears sting his eyes but refuse to shed, his mouth opening wide, making soundless pleas.

It can’t end this way, it can’t end this way, Vic, sir, Shepard, please—

“You are everything I made you. Without me, you'd be nothing. If I want someone new, you'd better just be fucking grateful you still have a seat at the table.”

His lungs burn, body shuddering, vision blackening at the corners, closing in—

—And then Vic’s hands relax, slipping away from his throat. The spy gasps for breath, rolling onto his side and curling his knees in, unsure whether he’s shaking from the lack of air or the sheer fear, the knowledge that Vic could’ve done it, would've done it. He would’ve done it and not even batted an eye.

He's not allowed to hold the thought for long before Vic seizes him by the hair, jerking him into a half-sitting position, his face stony and empty when the spy looks up at him through blurring vision.

Something almost like satisfaction crosses his master’s face.

“There's the tears.”

@theonewithallthefixations , @violets-whumperflies , @whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden ,

@snakebites-and-ink , @whumpsday , @kixngiggles , @echo-goes-aaa , @whumpcateyes ,

@clickerflight , @sodacreampuff , @starfields08000 , @neverthelass

#i wrote this like a year ago. it might've actually been before i wrote any of the main story lol #this bit pushed a LOT of conflict in the story so everyone thank sahota for suffering so nicely /hj #total$hit$how #t$$ sahota #tw implied noncon #dubcon kiss #strangulation #tw abuse #whump #so sorry sahota bb #manipulative whumper #stoic whumpee #begging #fear of death

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younglingslayer300 · 1 year ago

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something that i find really interesting is that i think anakin is actually a very sociable person - we don't see much of him off tatooine, but in that first film he invites complete strangers into his home, and he's talking to them without any reserve. he does have friends, and the conflict he does have with the other slave kids mostly seems to be because he has so much hope of escaping slavery, something they also want, and they resent his hope more than his abrasive personality, something that never happens again in the whole series. (also, they're children in a horrible environment who need some kind of outlet for their resentment, and that conflict is something anakin understands - he may argue with them, but at the end of the day he's still one of them, which is a sense of security that he doesn't achieve with the jedi)

and then you get the next films, and he's much more awkward, but he's still very direct - he likes talking to people, and he doesn't really like being alone. but, crucially, he frankly doesn't seem to like most of the people he's around, and i know that can be explained by saying that actually he is antisocial, and his behaviour as a kid was just a childish lack of inhibitions.

but tbh i find it much more compelling to imagine that he is very sociable, and he does like people, and naturally gets on with them. and the reason this is pretty much the opposite in the 2nd and 3rd films is because he's so completely out of his depth. he hates tatooine so much, and he obviously hated being a slave, but he's never been able to shake that from his identity. he can't be sociable anymore, can't click with people, because they're so completely unreachable to him; he doesn't know where he stands with them, because he's only ever felt 'right' as a slave (he's so ill), and he can't connect with people the way he naturally would, because he can't fit in anywhere else. he never feels confident as a jedi (e.g. interrupting padme when she calls him a trainee, and getting overly angry when the council doesn't make him a master), because he has an entirely different set of values to them - succeeding, to him, is proving that he is good at violence and does not need to be violenced - and knows that his view of life is just incompatible with the rest of the jedi. he can't feel comfortable, he never knows exactly where he stands with them, and their mindsets are completely incomprehensible to him, so he can never be sociable again the way he was as a child.

and that follows him his whole life. he tries desperately to escape tatooine, and prove himself worthy of personhood, but there was never anything to prove, so he never manages it. i think it's one reason he's so comfortable with padme (possibly @husborth said something similar in one of their posts?) because even though he doesn't want people to know about his childhood, the fact that she understands him, and knew him in the only time of his life where he didn't feel out of his depth, means he can relax around her. i also think it's one of the many reasons he's so miserable in adulthood, because he desperately needs lots and lots of friends, and has 0, and also he hates everyone around him. that hatred isn't natural to him, but he can't relax around anyone because he's been taught, as a child, never to let his guard down. on tatooine, he knew the stakes: disobey orders, get blown up. everywhere else, he has had to navigate this nuance-led structure, that involves feelings and frowns on violence, and frankly he never adjusts to that change. even though he wants to be friends with people, naturally likes people, he can never relax around them, and so he automatically dislikes + distrusts them instead, which exhausts him. he is not a naturally mistrusting person, but it's been beaten into him, literally

#why is this so long #and incoherent #sorry i dont think im capable of being brief about star wars #anakin skywalker #anakin #star wars #darth vader #anidala #the phantom menace #revenge of the sith #attack of the clones #long post #my post

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bethelighthalazia · 10 months ago

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We made it.

Summary: Seonghwa talks to a friend from his past, whom he hasn't spoken to in a long time. Written entirely in Seonghwa´s pov.

Genre: angst

Pairing: Seonghwa & fem!reader, platonic!

Word Count: 775

Warnings: talking about death, major character death mentioned

There was the usual beep of her phone, I let it ring for a while, then the mailbox answered. Again. “This is the number of y/n, please leave a message and I'll get back to you soon!” There was her little chuckle at the end, it always makes the corners of my mouth go up. I wanted to tell her about the day, that we'll have another concert tonight and that she should be here.

“Y/n, guess where I am! Remember our spot at the Han river? The view hasn't changed at all.”

Almost not changed, after all, we hadn't met here for what feels like ages. My life has gotten very busy lately and I didn't have much time to catch up with my best friend. I had promised to come here at least once every week after I couldn't come here every day anymore.

“I’m taking a little walk, the concert tonight makes me a bit nervous, yes. But I know how hard I worked for it, and the others too. You should see San's costume, it shows a lot of skin again.” I couldn't stop a chuckle, it's nothing new that San shows off in his costumes lately. “Mine is not bad either. But I don't have much skin showing. I'm so excited, but also scared. What if ATINY doesn't like the songs we chose for the lineup? Or what if not many people come to see us?”

I know I'm being ridiculous, yet those fears always let me stop and think. ATINY, our fans, always support us so well.

��Hongjoong says hi, by the way. He would have joined me, but he couldn't come because our producers needed him for something. Wooyoung still annoys me a lot, but he has a heart that's so pure, he's a good friend. I hope you will see us tonight, it's being recorded for international ATINY too! I should eat something in a bit, otherwise my stomach will growl on stage, but don't worry, I always eat well, I promise. I'll make sure that the others do as well, just like with you back then! Remember our trainee time? We always cared for each other and I never changed this habit…they call me their mother now. Mother Seonghwa, could you imagine? It feels so surreal to stand on that stage tonight, you know? I-” “This number's mailbox is full and cannot accept any further messages.”

A cold wraps around my heart, I dreaded this moment. Slowly, I lowered my hand, but somehow I didn't want to press the button to hang up.

With a heavy heart, I looked down at the flower in my hand, her favorite flower, and threw it into the river. It wasn't really ‘our’ spot, if I am being honest. It was the spot of the accident, her accident. Y/n’s car had been pushed into the fencing of the bridge by someone else who lost control over their car one winter. She had been on her way to the company for practice.

Taking a deep breath, I swallowed down the lump in my throat and put away my phone. It's time to head back, the concert is soon and I still have to get ready.

I missed her so much, but I also kept my promise. A promise we all had given to each other long before our debut. To never stop pursuing our dreams. To someday make it onto the big stages and to become a real idol.

The next hours that followed, I was in some sort of automatic mode. The stylists and staff only a blur around the eight of us, it's just another concert, right? Just another performance for ATINY that we pour our hearts into. But, why did this concert have to be on the anniversary of y/n’s accident?

“We will go on this stage for you tonight. And all eight of us will carry you in our hearts, y/n.”

Even our chant stung in my heart this time, but I didn't feel sad, I felt energized and ready. The performances went well, neither of us made mistakes, the technical team worked exceptionally hard to ensure that everything went smoothly too. We all were happy and ATINY had such a wonderful night as well. We all finished the concert with a smile, even though I had tears in my eyes. With my eyes up to the sky, I felt like I could reach the stars. Like I could reach our favorite star up there.

“We made it, y/n. Like we promised, we became idols! And we miss you so much!”

© by bethelighthalazia. Do not repost, copy or translate. Unless stated otherwise, those works are mine and born from my own ideas. I don't have any claim on the mentioned real existing Idols whatsoever.

#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez seonghwa #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #ateez drabbles #ateez imagines #ateez angst #ateez oneshot

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jebewonmorelike · 2 years ago

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Your Wish Is Granted

(part one) (part two) wc: 2.6k warnings: light swearing, a bit of angst, fluffy ending pronouns: none used; n/a (reader is a trainee on boys planet, but it's just a story-- you can pretend any gender is allowed to compete, it doesn't affect the story!) summary: it's been radio silence from park hanbin ever since his favoritetrainee!reader left after the second elimination. did hanbin forget about them? is he interested in someone new? and will this potential couple be able to reconcile at the finale? 👀 ~bp masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ i KNOW y'all didn't see this coming but... my pal bp-zb1fics kind of convinced me like a week ago lol everyone say thank you lexxxx. i LOVE how this turned out. this is a text AND written fic and i think it's super fun this way. i hope you enjoy this final installment of phanbin x favoritetrainee!reader :)

╭──────────.★..─╮ april 7th ╰─..★.──────────╯

"BITCH WHAT!?" Woongki shouts into the phone immediately after you pick up. "What happened!?"

You sigh. "Nothing happened... I guess that's the problem."

"But you kissed him!" He exclaims. "And he said he wouldn't forget about you!"

A sad laugh escapes your lips. "I thought maybe you were all just super busy preparing for the Artist Battle, and I totally understand that. But the more you texted me over the last two weeks and the longer I went with radio silence from him..."

Woongki is uncharacteristically quiet on the other end of the phone.

"What?" You ask, a little seed of worry sprouting in you. "What's wrong?"

"But I saw him on his phone every night," he says softly. "I thought he was texting you."

Your heart sinks to your stomach. Was it true? Had Hanbin really moved on to someone new?

"I'm so sorry, babe," Woongki comforts. "I don't know for sure that he was texting someone else, but..."

"But what other explanation could there be?" You finish his thought for him.

"Ugh!" He groans in frustration. "How could Hanbin do that? I never could've imagined that he'd play with your feelings like that."

You're not quite sure what to say. A lump growing in your throat, you try to force out some nonchalant response but you just can't.

"Hey," Woongki coos, clearly just as upset as you are-- if not more. "Do you want me to go beat him up for you?"

The thought of Woongki and Hanbin in a fist fight is enough to make you reluctantly laugh. "Are you sure you'd win that fight?"

"Okay, rude," he responds, a pout audible in his tone. "Seriously though. Should I go talk to him? Ask him what his deal is?"

You have to admit it's a little tempting. The past two weeks were hard enough wondering when Hanbin was finally going to send you a message. But now, thinking that it could be because he isn't interested in you anymore-- and didn't even have the decency to let you know.

"I don't think it's a good idea," you decide finally. "I don't want him knowing I've wasted so much time and energy thinking about him when he didn't miss me at all."

"(Y/N)," Woongki sighs sadly. "You don't need to feel bad for any of this. He deserves to feel bad for this!"

"I knowww," you respond softly, trying to force a smile back on your face despite the situation. "I love you, Woongki boy. You're literally the best."

"Are you free tomorrow?" He asks excitedly. "We can get boba with Seowonnie and shit talk Hanbin!"

"Count me in."

╭──────────.★..─╮ april 13th ╰─..★.──────────╯

"(Y/N)!"

The sudden call of your name as you're walking down the busy street to your favorite coffee shop. You turn back around in the direction of the sound, your eyes landing on two familiar faces standing outside the salad shoppe.

"Yo, what the hell?" Kamden calls as you walk towards them slowly. "I thought you were busy this afternoon!"

Unsure of what to say as you approach Kamden and Matthew under the shoppe awning, you try not to let your uncertainty creep onto your face. "Oh hey guys!"

"Liar," Matthew mumbles, a little suspicious pout on his lips.

You roll your eyes, a laugh now escaping you. "You guys are so needy. I'm just grabbing coffee quickly before I get back to studying."

"Look at you, smartypants," Kamden teases, taking a sip of his iced tea.

"Why are you guys all the way out in this part of the city?" You ask curiously. "Had to be a bit of a bus ride."

"Hanbin wanted to come here actually," Matthew explains with a shrug. "He said he and Taerae had been talking about it."

You frown. "Oh."

Your eyes widen when Matthew's words finally register in your brain. The whole reason you'd said no to lunch with the boys in the first place was because Hanbin would be there.

"Um, where--... Where is Hanbin?" You ask, looking around nervously.

"I knew you'd want to get a glimpse of your boyfriend," Kamden says, smirking.

Matthew shakes his head uncertainly. "Taerae and Hanbin have been attached at the hip lately. Every time I see them, they're always whispering about something."

Your eyebrows raise as you consider this. Could the person Hanbin's been texting every night be... Kim Taerae?

"Really?" Kamden asks, frowning. "I haven't noticed."

"I mean, even right now," Matthew continues, pointing to the salad shop behind him. "They're both still in there after they told us to wait outside for a minute."

Your stomach flips a bit at this revelation. Taerae had always been so supportive of your little crush on Hanbin-- even when you weren't ready to admit it yet. Had he secretly been plotting against you this whole time?

"I'm sorry guys," you apologize quickly, starting to back away from Matthew and Kamden. "I really have to get going now. Text me next time you're going out-- I'll try to make it!"

"Good luck with your schoolwork!" Matthew calls, waving at you.

Kamden smiles, but you can see the slight suspicion in his eyes. "See you soon, (Y/N)!"

You walk back in the direction of your apartment, giving up on your coffee for today.

╭──────────.★..─╮ april 19th ╰─..★.──────────╯

"Who are you texting?" Woongki asks, lying upside down on your couch-- his hair gently scraping the carpet as his face grows a bit redder every minute.

You groan, "Taerae."

"NO!" Woongki screams, haphazardly maneuvering himself until he's sitting upright. "Oh my god, what did he say?"

"He asked if I was coming tomorrow," you answer, rolling your eyes. "Obviously I'm coming tomorrow. I have to. Everybody has to."

"Yeah, right? I wonder why he'd ask you that," he muses, pushing his lips into a pout. "Maybe he wants to confront you publicly!"

You think about quiet Taerae for a moment. His big, dorky glasses, his broad, dimpled smile... his incredibly endearing loser energy. You couldn't imagine that Taerae was planning to humiliate you in front of all of your friends. On the other hand, you couldn't have imagined before a week ago that Taerae would potentially steal your crush from you.

"I doubt it," you respond.

"Hmm," Woongki hums. "I guess he could be asking for Hanbin? Being his little spy."

"Maybe," you agree, picking up your phone again and scrolling to Hanbin's contact. "You don't think this is my fault right?"

"Your fault!?" Woongki exclaims, outstretching his arms to you. You take both his hands in yours as you sit on the floor in front of him. "How would it be your fault!?"

"Maybe he doesn't want to date a loser," you say, sulking dramatically.

"Well who would?" Woongki asks, grinning. "Good thing you're not one."

"What would I do without you?" You ask rhetorically, resting your chin on his leg.

"Die," he says matter-of-factly. "You'd die."

"I'd also have no one to paint my nails for the finale."

"Exactly as I said," he responds with a grin, sifting through the container of your nail polishes before pulling out a steel blue color. "You'd die."

╭──────────.★..─╮ april 20th ╰─..★.──────────╯

You're surprised your bottom lip hasn't started bleeding yet considering how much you've been chewing at it. Your blazer constricting you slightly, you roll your shoulders back hoping to stretch the fabric slightly and relieve the binding tension.

Hwang Minhyun is about to finally announce P09 after an absolutely nail-biting four hours. Poor little Yujin has to go home in literal minutes, so Minhyun has started rushing like crazy.

You watch as Hanbin presses his lips together, wringing his hands as he waits nervously-- Minhyun speeding up the reading of the result greatly as compared to P08-P01.

"The trainee in Ninth Place and therefore taking the final spot in ZeroBaseOne..." Minhyun pauses, because he just can't help himself. "Is..."

"Han Yujin!"

You jump to your feet as all of your fellow trainees do, showing your support for the young boy. But your eyes are still fixed on Hanbin. He's smiling, nodding as he accepts his fate. You think that maybe he knew the chances were slim...

But, as you know all too well, preparation doesn't make it hurt any less.

Seowon rests his head on your shoulder from behind you. "Are we happy? Are we sad?"

You sigh. "Both."

The finale ends and all of the trainees start making their rounds; congratulating your friends or consoling them. You give Kamden a huge hug, joking that now you both can debut together.

The celebration moves backstage as the arena begins to empty. You're jumping up and down with Matthew when you feel a buzz in your pocket.

You look up at Matthew, sighing as you smile apologetically. "I've been summoned."

"Go talk to your boyfriend!" Matthew encourages, pushing you off down the hall. "I'm sure he's eager to see you."

"Right," you mumble, making your way to the door labeled 'East Wing'. "Boyfriend."

You pull the door open, surprised when the hallway is completely empty. You walk forward cautiously, wondering if Hanbin is actually playing some mean prank on you.

"Boo."

You jump, your hand clutching your heart as you try to catch your breath. You turn around to find Hanbin grinning at you.

"Am I really that scary?" He teases. You look down to see a little purple gift bag in his hands.

But the adrenaline is pumping through you now as a result of his little entrance. Not stopping to think it through, you find yourself suddenly laying into him:

"Are you kidding me!? You don't text me for a whole month and you think you can just walk up behind me, give me a heart attack, and then act like nothing's happened?"

Hanbin's head tilts to the side confusedly. "What do you--?"

"I get it-- believe me!" You cut him off. "You don't like me anymore. You like Taerae. That's fine."

"I like Taerae!?"

"I know! I just said I get it. You can like each other all you want. But you could've at least done me the courtesy of texting me and telling me. I was..."

You falter, a lump beginning to build in your throat. Hanbin's just blinking back at you, eyes wide in surprise. "I was really worried about you," you manage to say. "And I missed you. And to find out you didn't give a shit about me the whole time!? I can't believe you, Park Hanbin!"

Taking a breath, you look at Hanbin now. He's biting his lip, corners of his mouth turned up-- clearly trying to keep himself from smiling.

Your brow furrows confusedly. "Why--... Why are you--?"

"God I like you so much," he says, finally breaking out into a grin. "So, so much."

"What?" You ask, taken aback by his unexpected sentiment. "No you don't. You didn't text me for a month!"

"No," Hanbin responds, pressing his lips together. "You didn't text me for a month."

You blink back at him; unsure of what to say. "Wh--... What do you mean?"

"You never gave me your number."

Oh fuck.

"I put mine in your phone before the second elimination, but... you never gave me yours," he explains, visibly enjoying the look of horror and shame that is playing out on your face.

After a long moment, all you can manage to squeak out is: "Oh."

Hanbin's brow raises expectantly. "So is there any of your little spiel before this that you'd like to take back now?"

You nod pitifully. "Yes."

"Which part?"

"All of it," you mumble. "I'm so sorry."

"That's what I thought you'd say," he says with a smirk before his expression softens. "And I'll forgive you."

"Really?" You respond hopefully.

"Of course," Hanbin affirms with a nod. "But..."

"Oh no."

"I just think that if you got to tell me off," he says, giving you a mischievous smile. "Then I should get to tell you off, too."

Your bottom lip tucks between your teeth as you smile sheepishly. "I guess it's only fair, yeah."

Hanbin smiles at you fondly before a melodramatic dramatic anger suddenly shifts his expression. "HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE TEXTED ME FOR A WHOLE MONTH!? I kept waiting for you to text me or call me or, god forbid Facetime me so I could see your adorable face! I was so worried about you. Not to mention, I missed you so much."

Your heart melts at his words; so ashamed you'd been so silly.

"AND THEN," Hanbin continues, his eyes narrowing. "To hear that you had the time to text Woongki and Kamden and Taerae but not me!? I thought you didn't like me anymore. I was devastated."

He pouts, his brow furrowing cutely as your heart pounds in your chest. You ask quietly, "Why didn't you just ask someone for my number?"

"BE. CAUSE," he sighs dramatically, emphasizing each syllable. "I didn't want to seem clingy or anything."

You throw your arms around Hanbin, unable to hold back any longer. Squeezing him tightly, you feel him reciprocate the embrace-- one arm snaked around your waist and the other holding your back comfortingly.

"So you're not dating Taerae?"

"Ew, no. I'm not dating Taerae," he says with a laugh, pulling back from the hug to see your face. "Taerae's just the one person I was confiding in about you. I didn't want any of the other trainees gossiping too much about you."

"Of course," you say sadly. You should've known Hanbin had actually just been trying to protect you.

Hanbin holds out the purple gift bag to you now with a smile. "Taerae actually told me that you'd mentioned you liked that salad shoppe we went to for lunch last week. I actually got you a gift card after we ate when Kamden said you couldn't come that day."

"You are the sweetest ever... and I'm an idiot," you say, shaking your head as you continue to grip onto each other for dear life. "But I have to go now."

"What?" He asks, brow furrowing confusedly. "What do you mean? Where are you going? I'm coming with you."

Lacing your fingers in his, you begin to pull him with you down the hallway and back towards the dressing room area.

"I owe the new main vocalist of ZeroBaseOne a little apology."

“Eh, I think he can wait,” Hanbin says suddenly, smirking as he stops walking. You try to keep pulling him forward, but he’s fixed to the floor like a stone statue. Curse those perfect dancer muscles.

“Hanbinnie,” you whine, stepping towards him with a pout.

“(Y/N),” he says softly, giving your arm a small tug until your faces are inches apart. He seems to admire you for a moment, studying every inch of your face until his lips are on yours.

You’re lost in the moment, arms wrapping around his neck to bring him closer to you. You don’t even consider where you are or who could see you and take a picture and ruin both of your careers. You’re too busy finally kissing Hanbin after a whole month of absolute insanity. And it's everything you'd wished for and more...

“Oh my god,” a voice calls behind you. “What do you think you’re doing!?”

Entirely caught off guard, you’re immediately set into panic mode. You detach every part of your body from Hanbin’s and jump at least two feet away from him.

“APOLOGIZING TO TAERAE!” You shout the first thing that pops into your head before turning around to see who is watching you.

Taerae frowns, brow furrowing nervously. “You… You’re apologizing to me by making out with Hanbin?”

You and Hanbin turn to look at each other, equally shocked by being caught. After a moment, you both turn back to Taerae and nod; simultaneously answering, “Yes.”

Taerae stares at you for a second before finally shrugging:

“Apology accepted.”

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theninthdoor · 24 days ago

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hello! can u do a reading about garagon cause he's finally back after that long 7 years hiatus. can u do a reading about his ideal type, plans for settling down if he has a partner, what he thinks of his fans and the koop industry? and his goal for his comebackkk? please i hope u read this cuz no one has ever done these questions

I'm not doing ideal type readings anymore, so I'm answering all but that question.

Plans for settling down + Does he have a partner right now? || cards: page of pentacles rx, the hermit rx, death rx, eight of swords rx

Honestly, I really feel like at some point in the recent past he actually thought that he was going to settle down with someone or was planning to go in that direction soon. However, this Page of Pentacles rx is suggesting that those thoughts/plans never came to fruition, and now that's (almost) completely in the background. This just feels like a relationship that didn't work out how they were expecting it to, but the solid potential and those wishes must've been there for sure. As for his current love life, I do think he is with someone, but their status isn't super clear. With the Death rx here, I'm assuming they have been together (to some degree) for a while now, too. Back and forth; on and off. - not sure if it's the same person that he was planning on settling down with, tho! could be but, still, I don't think that, as of right now, they have any actual plans to settle down together.

His thoughts on his fans and on the kpop industry || cards: three of pentacles, eight of cups rx, nine of wands rx, the devil

As I was shuffling the cards I heard "loyal, but also a dangerous weapon". "Fierce" is another word that came through. GD is for sure very thankful for his fans' love and loyalty. Many have stuck by him through all the craziest ups and downs of his career, and have chosen to believe him and defend him even when the rest of the world was against him. In a way, though, I even see him being in disbelief that there are people out there who care that much about him, and so he can't help but be filled with gratitude for that. On the other hand, as I said, he knows that they can be very fierce and, at times, hurt him more than the people that aren't his fans. "A dangerous weapon", I think, is then referring to both their unwavering loyalty towards him, to the point of obsession + what they are willing to do to defend him, but also, when they turn against him or begin to assume that they have ownership over him.

As for how he feels about the kpop industry, the first thing I heard was "an absolute shitshow" (and him laughing). lol It's a shitty industry filled with shitty individuals, to put it simply. So many people (trainees, idols, staff, fans, etc.) are taken advantage of; there is no real freedom; there are no morals. "It's all for the sake of making money and entertaining/distracting the world. It's a massive cult." I don't think he hates his job, and I certainly don't see him regretting where he has been and what he has done, but he does recognize that there are plently of flaws in this system, and those have to be pointed out. However, I also feel like he had some sort of awakening in these past few years, which led him to not only make peace with certain things, but also to change his mindset about the whole business. He's definitely in a much better place now than he was a few years back, I'd say, as he doesn't seem as angry or heartbroken about the state of it all. "Business is still business, and this is not the worst of it." - and by that, I think, he means to say that there are worse places to be and worse things happening, and this industry isn't even all that bad in comparison. Whoever comes in and signs that contract, know what they are up for. These dreams are very costly.

His goal for his comeback || cards: six of cups rx, the devil rx

Something I have noticed from the beginning: he just seems really detached from his past and whom we knew as "G-Dragon". It's like he's a completely different person; like he has/is completely disassociated. (I don't mean it in the literal sense. I'm not diagnosing anybody!!) So, in regard to his comeback, I just feel like he is trying to start again and find himself, and open up a new chapter in his life with this. This energy reminds me a lot of The Fool card, but in a heavier (or even darker) way, if that makes sense… It doesn't feel as lighthearted. It's like he doesn't know the industry anymore; he doesn't know the public. The world he left behind isn't the same he's stepping into right now. "I just want to try" is what I heard. He wants to try; experiment; see how it feels. He wants to see if he can find an audience that matches his current mindset, too. It almost feels like attending a high school reunion after 20-30 years, you know? Everyone has been through so much, everyone has changed. Some reputations may not be the best, and there might still be some grudges that people have been holding from stuff that happened in the past. And then the gathering may go well, super well, or really bad. Or alternatively, it may just feel like a waste of time altogether. - That's how it feels here.

(Disclaimer: All is alleged and for entertainment purposes only. Based on current energies.)

#gdragon tarot #kwon jiyong tarot #kpop tarot #bigbang tarot #kwon jiyong astrology #kpop astrology #tqqbigbang #tqqsoloists

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mins-fins · 1 year ago

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❛ spring breeze ❜ — kim taerae

| synopsis . . . if there was one thing y/n knew, it was that he was mortifyingly in love with kim taerae, the same kim taerae who is an entirely different group.

| tags . . . kim taerae x m!reader , reader is apart of wakeonez ensemble , and is also mortifyingly in love with taerae , the feelings are returned , pretty angsty , only fluff at end , so sorry for this

| warnings . . . mentions of depression, slight mentions of fainting.

| moni (@taerrrrrae) wished to be tagged, your wish is my command :)

for the past few days, y/n has been absolutely hopeless.

it's been almost a month since the end of boys planet, yet he still curses at himself for not winning, for disappointing not only himself but everyone who rooted for him as well. he can't process the fact that he didn't make it.

he didn't make it, but taerae did.

he remembers taerae simply falling into his arms, immediately clutching onto his shirt, y/n had told him that he was proud of him, tears still clinging to his eyes as he told him that he'll miss him, that he loves him, that he hopes to see him again around the wakeone building.

he really cursed himself with those words didn't he?

y/n loves each of his fellow wakeone trainees, don't get him wrong, but it's always been different with taerae. they've always been particularly close, having known each other even before auditioning for wakeone.

they seemed to be attached by the hip, doing pretty much almost everything together. y/n would always offer to help him when he didn't get a certain move during practice, but then they would end up giggling about stupid stuff for four whole hours.

they simply fit together, like the two final pieces of a puzzle.

too bad the universe didn't agree.

y/n swore he wasn't gonna cry, really, but then taerae mentioned him in his speech and he broke down into tears. he cried into his hand the whole time, devastated.

it's probably his fault for deciding to join a survival show.

y/n can't escape the image of taerae, pretty pretty taerae, his eyes shining as he stared at him with so much love, appreciation.

he will never forget the small whisper. taerae pulling him into a hug and whispering a small; "i love you" before he walked up the stairs, winning sixth place.

he can't get rid of the absolute disappointment he feels for not debuting.

the days after were horrible, he simply can't do anything without being reminded of taerae. the two of them are still friends, obviously, but everything is so different, because now he's no longer with him.

he can't do anything without hearing his voice, his pretty voice, his guitar strumming as he sings, like he always used to do when they were trainees.

it's like y/n is there, but he isn't, he's just constantly in a state of disassociation, listening to his friends speak but not really hearing their words, speaking but not really making sense.

trust and believe, y/n has tried, but he can't bring himself to talk to taerae. this makes no sense, because they always talk so effortlessly, but every time he sees him around the wakeone building, he freezes and immediately walks away.

he could text him, yeah, but he always gets nervous whenever he opens his contacts list and sees taerae's number.

he hates it, he hates this problem he's having.

he feels like an idiot, a fucking idiot. after everything he did, all the training, all the scolding, all the bullying, all of those times he collapsed from overworking himself, and he couldn't debut.

he's cried so much in the past few days that he feels as if he physically can't anymore.

it's clear that hanbin wants to say something, but whenever he tries to bring it up, y/n just lies, giving a fake smile then locking himself in his room for three hours.

everybody notices the spiral of depression that y/n is currently falling down. he never talks anymore, instead resorting to chewing on his nails, he always fidgets, doesn't sleep properly, doesn't even like eating.

it's safe to say, he's been a mess.

he sometimes just spends all day in his room, none of the wakeone trainees wanting to go in because he's just gonna lie again. it's not like their company cares, and taerae, the only person he wants to see, is busy, having literally flown to another country for kcon.

everything is messy.

but he can't just stay like that forever.

that is exactly what jeonghyeon thinks as he walks into his room, having pushed the door open because he knew if he knocked y/n still wouldn't open the door.

he frowns at the sight before him. "y/n".

said boy looks up, smiling, before he throws his badtz maru plushie across the room, it landing right in front of his closet door. "hi" he says quietly, crossing his arms and sighing at his computer.

jeonghyeon sits down beside him, sighing. "y/n, when do you plan to leave your room?"

"what do you mean?" y/n asks in that tone of obliviousness he always used when he would deny his feelings for taerae. jeonghyeon blinks, shaking his head at the older.

"y/n, all you do is sit in your room, listen to love begins with a confession on loop, cry into that badtz maru plushie you just threw across the room, then sleep in your bed and not make it afterwards".

y/n deadpans, but jeonghyeon is right, that's all he's been doing this past week. he huffs, crossing his arms. he enjoyed doing those things, for jeonghyeon's information!

"okay, and?" jeonghyeon laughs at y/n's tone, shaking his head once again.

"and, you've rewatched every episode of pucca seven times already".

y/n scoffs, jaw dropping in shock. "what do you want, jeonghyeon?"

"y/n, you have been trapped in your room for a whole entire week" jeonghyeon states, and y/n immediately looks away. "i'm worried, hanbin's worried, junghyun's worried, woonggi's worried, even seunghwan's worried! and he isn't even in this company—"

"just get to the point, jeonghyeon".

"you need to finally get out again" jeonghyeon quickly says, and y/n bites his inner cheek, gaze moving towards the badtz maru plushie he'd thrown across the room.

the one taerae bought for him..

"alright y/n" the lee clears his throat. "to get you to finally leave your room, were going out tonight".

y/n raises his eyebrows. "going out?"

"me, you, hanbin, minseok, woonggi, seowon, haruto, seunghwan, a bunch of the eliminated trainees" he explains, but y/n still seems pretty hesitant. "were getting together for the night, for you".

"what about mun junghyun? don't exclude him, he's one of us too, you know" y/n responds, as if completely ignoring everything else jeonghyeon had said just to talk about the 05 liner.

"junghyun is a child, he can't go out with us".

"he isn't that much younger than haruto, though".

"that's off topic" jeonghyeon smiles. "come on, y/n, you've been cooped up in your room all this time, and we don't just want to sit by and not do anything about your depression".

y/n sighs, reaching over for his laptop, which is paused on episode 20 of pucca. he looks over at jeonghyeon, whose patiently waiting for a response.

"of course i'll go jeonghyeon".

jeonghyeon gasps, his jaw dropping, like he wasn't expecting that response. "i— i really shouldn't just be sitting here and doing nothing while you guys are worrying about me, so of course i'll go with you guys!"

jeonghyeon smiles softly at y/n, staring at his friend so fondly it looked like he might cry. "hey, don't get emotional now, lee jeonghyeon".

"i know, i listened to you cry over taerae for a whole entire week already—"

jeonghyeon gets a pillow thrown right at his face.

"shut up, jeonghyeon!"

"but it's true!"

"i still can't believe you guys made me spend all of my money".

hanbin continues to complain whilst jeonghyeon chuckles and y/n whistles. he had a seriously good time going out with his friends, it was nice to see all of his friends again, hear their loud voices and screams from doing stupid things.

it seemed that woonggi had agreed, because he continuously kissed y/n's cheek and hugged the hell out of him the whole time.

reuniting with the old trainees was nice, they were all insanely chaotic, which was oddly comforting to him, as he hadn't heard any loud voices in so long, being trapped in his room almost all week.

"your the one who said you could manage all the financial stuff" jeonghyeon replies, y/n nods, yawning as he hears hanbin begin to complain once again.

"yeah! but you guys wanted so much! i'm not ricky, you know?"

y/n giggles at the joke, stuffing his hands into his pockets as the trio continue walking. he couldn't deny, he really did have fun, he can't help but be thankful that jeonghyeon dragged him out of his room for the night.

"you guys, thank you" y/n states when they get to the front of the wakeone building. "i probably would've gotten worse if you hadn't dragged me out of my room, your seriously amazing friends for including me instead of just leaving me to rot there alone—"

hanbin and jeonghyeon exchange glances, a knowing smile coming to their faces as they stare behind their friend. y/n blinks, tilting his head in confusion. "what?"

hanbin chuckles. "y/n".

y/n doesn't get what the hell the two of them could be snickering about. "guys, what?"

jeonghyeon simply points behind him, unable to control his laughter.

"hi".

"ah!"

y/n jumps, immediately placing a hand on his chest. "holy shit, kim taerae, you need to stop scaring me".

wait— who?

when y/n turns around and sees taerae standing behind him, smiling, he jumps again, screaming. taerae laughs, and y/n covers his face.

"hi y/n".

"oh" y/n laughs, face burning with embarrassment as he looks over at hanbin and jeonghyeon, who whistle and look away. "taerae, hi".

"you two should talk" hanbin immediately says, grabbing ahold of jeonghyeon who squeaks in agreement as he allows himself to get dragged away by hanbin, waving at the pair.

"why are you so surprised?" taerae laughs, y/n simply stares, as if not believing that he's real. "did you think i wasn't gonna come see you?"

"taerae" he repeats. he's said his name so many times, but actually seeing him is so.. weird after the finale and him having flown to japan for kcon.

"y/n" taerae says, he walks forward and grabs y/n's hands. "what's wrong?"

y/n resists the urge to absolutely break down in taerae's arms, he tightens his grip around taerae's hands, staring at him for so long that everything starts getting blurry.

"oh my god" he whispers, and taerae laughs once again. he's in shock, taerae is here, yeah taerae trains in the wakeone building, obviously, but taerae is here, with him, holding his hands.

"y/n, i'm here, hi".

"shit, hi".

"i— i just can't believe your actually here, in front of me, it feels like it's been forever since i've seen you".

"jeonghyeon filled me in on your situation" y/n winces to himself as taerae begins laughing at his expression. "love begins with a confession on repeat? seriously? you were thinking of me, right?"

"wasn't it obvious?" y/n inquires back as the two of them begin walking together, hand in hand. "i sat in my room for a whole entire week, crying into that badtz maru plushie you got me, rewatching almost every single episode of pucca".

"you love that show!"

"exactly! it was comforting to me!"

taerae chuckles, staring at y/n with those fond eyes. "i thought you were in japan?" he asks, and taerae shakes his head.

"i was" he replies. "i only flew back a few days ago, and jeonghyeon called me to explain what was going on with you, and i felt bad".

"bad? for what?"

"because i was in a whole other country and you were here suffering because of me!" taerae yells, and y/n frowns, swinging their hands back and forth.

"i was just.. disappointed, because i lost" y/n mumbles, and taerae caresses his hands as he opens the door to y/n's room. "and i couldn't debut with you, it felt like i was empty".

taerae hums, closing the door. he frowns at the sight of the badtz maru plushie laying face down in front of the closet. "what happened to badtz maru? i got that for you, you know".

"oh" y/n pauses. "i threw it in a fit of frustration".

taerae snickers, nudging y/n, which makes him whine in complaint. "how rude of you, i got that for you as a good luck charm!"

"i mean— it was! but i kept getting reminded of you whenever i looked at it, and i cried into it most of the time so i was just frustrated and threw it!"

taerae lets go of his hands, crossing his arms and pouting. "i can't believe you, y/n, you have betrayed me".

y/n stares at taerae, smiling. this is kim taerae, his longtime best friend kim taerae, his one and only kim taerae, his love kim taerae. he can't comprehend the amount of love he feels, just looking at him as he laughs.

just like old times, huh?

"y/n" taerae calls out, making said boy snap out of whatever daze he was having. "you should've told me, talked to me, i would've been willing to listen".

"i know but—" y/n pauses, sighing. "i didn't think you'd have time for me, because you now have a group and schedules and i couldn't work up the courage to call you.."

taerae stares at his love, instead smiling as he grabs his hands again. "y/n, i love you".

"taerae, i love you more".

at his response, taerae giggles, his face turning a shade of red at the response. "okay, stop it".

"sing for me".

taerae blinks, staring at y/n for a long moment before smiling. "like the old times?"

"like the old times".

taerae hums, letting go of y/n's hands to grab the guitar he keeps in the corner of the room. "what do you want me to sing?"

"spring breeze" y/n replies, and taerae seems a little surprised, tilting his head.

"spring breeze?" he raises an eyebrow; he always liked that song.

"yeah" y/n nods happily, sitting down beside taerae on his bed. "it's the only way i'll go to sleep tonight".

"sounds like an excuse" taerae is quick to say, making y/n frown. he pushes taerae slightly, making the boy laugh once again.

"sing for me or i kick you out of my room".

"that in love with my voice, huh?"

"just sing, i need to relax".

so that my winter can end— we really love each other, you come to me like the spring breeze.

that's just how they were.

y/n couldn't find a better circumstance to be in that night.

#kim taerae #zerobaseone #zb1 #zb1 taerae #zb1 scenarios #zb1 imagines #kim taerae x reader #kim taerae zb1 #kim taerae imagines #zb1 drabbles #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

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officialpenisenvy · 2 months ago

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confession, being an update regarding the guy i'm fucking who told his neighbour that i'm his son, and also some other crises:

first, i did actually end up calling him dad, it was on accident and in a stupid context and now he's mad at me (i was the cunt here). the incident being: we went out then back to his, i was about to blow him, but then he said something which reminded me of other guys who used to tell me that same thing, so i had a minor mental breakdown and called him a pervert and a homo (funny thing to call the guy you were about to fellate) and generally trying to macho my way into coming out of this interaction looking straight and normal (not possible). he tried to get me out of it by slapping me, i got more mad, at this point i'm trying to fight him but not doing a very good job (blind drunk, first attempt missed his face and hit the side of his neck, felt like a massive loser), also i'm calling him dad by then. now he's calling ME a pervert back and like yeah he has a leg to stand on here (i didn't) and then i throw up on his shoes and he kicks me out. texted him an apology a few days ago but it was atrociously bad because of my ego and he hasn't replied yet so unless i accidentally run into him while we're both drunk he should probably start thinking how to tell his nosy neighbours why his son doesn't visit anymore.

second, i am glad to announce i found the old keys to my dad's apartment so i went in while he was at work and took back my records that he stole from me when my parents separated. so i win. sadly i found out i owe him money which i won't pay but i'm mad like, conceptually.

third i'm back with my coach from childhood who in retrospect was highly inappropriate and also excessively violent with me but back then i thought it was normal because of, i mean because of my dad probably right, also the one time i can remember thinking something was off he said it was very normal between two men in sport and i fully 100% believed him for years and later got surprised when my football coach was just a normal man basically. but i quit that sport at 14 because i became attracted to him and thought that was gay of me so i legged it. anyway i'm back because he's the only guy training that style in my city so for a year now i'm grappling him or another trainee but under his watch multiple times a week more or less and wires get very crossed and he's still a pervert which is not good for me... advocating for pederasty to preserve my dignity here.

i feel i always unload a sack of rocks upon your blog but i'm bad at shutting up. in unrelated news - joined a band, doing a show tomorrow and opening with black dog which is fun. singer is in the habit of trying to shriek like robert while being... nearly a baritone, but i think it's beautiful when singers kill their voices while young so i encourage it. i hope the rest of your day is joyful........

mama forget the band i think you need to lock yourself in a cloister........ first of all insane way to break up with your daddy boyfriend and possibly the most heterosexual way it could've gone on account of the fistfighting and name-calling. second of all good for you on getting your records back 🥳 third of all im not going to advocate for it explicitly but let's just say i would welcome another ask from you in a few weeks detailing how you ended up getting your back blown out by mister coach. godspeed to you and your multitude of both sexual and antagonistic father figures 🙏

#AND good luck on the show!!! black dog is a fucking beast im sure you'll do a great job ❤️#confession session

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pandorasword · 2 years ago

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7 and 50 with pre debut chaeri and yoongi. Like... she couldn't sleep but there was nobody else in the dorm?

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

Chaeri's Masterlist

Hi anon! We love to see some tsundere Yoongi, don't we? 🤧🫶🏼 Thanks for the request!

Ginger Tea

❒ words: 1k+

❒ summary: In which Chaeri can't sleep due to stomach ache

❒ prompts requested: 7. "You don't like me very much, do you?" | 50. "I can't sleep"

❒ warnings: Stomach ache

April 2013

The thin walls of their dormitory allowed even the smallest noise to permeate, which meant that after 10PM they had to be extra careful about what they did or else they would get complaints from neighbors.

Yoongi was watching TV at a barely audible level, though the volume was so low as to be almost whisper-quiet. His arms and legs were still sore from training and all he wanted was to get some rest for the next day.

In his time as a trainee, he discovered that after an especially grueling day, his patience was shorter than it normally would be.

This included Chaeri's inharmonious crunching on chips, interrupting every important line of dialogue and making it impossible for Yoongi to concentrate.

He tried to ignore the sound, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. But as the minutes passed and the sound continued, he couldn't take it anymore. "Chaeri, can you please stop eating those chips?" he asked, his voice laced with irritation.

Chaeri looked up from her bag of chips, her face filled with surprise. "Why? I'm not bothering anyone" she protested.

"You're bothering me. And if you keep eating like that, you'll get a stomach ache" Yoongi replied, trying to keep his voice steady.

Chaeri rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine. I've eaten way more than this before" she said, popping another chip into her mouth.

Yoongi sighed, knowing that arguing with her would be useless. He turned his attention back to the TV, trying to ignore the sound of Chaeri's chewing.

"You don't like me very much, do you?"

"I don't like kids" Yoongi replied, turning to look at Chaeri with a raised eyebrow.

Chaeri pouted, feeling a little hurt. "I'm not a kid. I'm almost 15" she protested

"Almost doesn't count. You're still a kid" Took a moment before he started to talk again "It's just that I'm not used to being around someone your age"

Chaeri nodded in understanding, but couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. She had always looked up to Yoongi, admired his talent and hard work, and hoped that one day he would see her as an equal, not just a kid.

As the night wore on, Yoongi got up to use the bathroom, leaving Chaeri alone in the living room. She decided to finish off the second bag of chips - something she rarely allowed herself to do. But soon after, her belly started to grumble and ache. At first, thinking it would pass, Chaeri tried lying still in her bunk to no avail. The burning sensation only intensified until it felt like someone had driven a stake right through her gut.

Chaeri paced anxiously in the living room, eyes downcast and her brows furrowed. She was too uncomfortable to rest but hesitant to disturb Yoongi who sat transfixed on the couch with a remote in his hands, captivated by whatever show he was watching. Finally gathering enough courage, she approached him and softly murmured, "I can't sleep"

Yoongi turned his attention to her, noticing the discomfort etched on her face. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice softening.

"My stomach hurts. I ate too many chips" Chaeri admitted, feeling embarrassed.

"I told you that would happen," Yoongi replied, shaking his head. "Come on, let's get you something to help settle your stomach."

He led her to the kitchen, opening and closing different cabinets as he searched for a packet of ginger tea. Finally, he found it, pulled out a teapot from a high shelf, and filled it with water from the sink. He set it on the stove with an almost silent click of the knob, and soon steam started to rise from its spout "This should help"

Chaeri watched him work in silence, touched by his kindness. “Thank you” she said when he handed her the cup of hot liquid.

Yoongi shrugged, but there was something tender about his expression. “It’s no big deal. Just don’t make a habit of it, okay?” he teased, breaking into a half-smile that softened his face.

Chaeri smiled at him, feeling at ease for the first time since her stomach started to ache. She watched as he poured the hot water into the cup with a teabag and handed it to her. She took a sip, the warm liquid soothing her insides.

Chaeri smiled back at him, feeling some of the tension leave her body as the heat of the tea trickled down her throat.

As they sat in companionable quiet, Chaeri couldn’t help but feel grateful for Yoongi’s presence; despite his gruff exterior, he had a kind heart and genuinely cared about the wellbeing of everyone in the group.

"You know, I'm not used to having someone look out for me like this" Chaeri said after a while.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"My mom raised me and my brother to be independent — to solve our own problems" she explained with a slight shrug.

Yoongi nodded slowly, understanding what she was saying. “I get that...but sometimes it can be okay to rely on others — especially when you’re not feeling well."

She took another sip of tea, the warmth spreading throughout her body "I guess you're right. Thanks for taking care of me tonight"

“Yeah, whatever" he replied, blushing slightly.

Chaeri chuckled softly at Yoongi's response, knowing that he wasn't comfortable with over-the-top displays of gratitude. As she finished her tea, Yoongi got up to clean the kitchen "Watch TV with me until you feel better"

Chaeri let out a content sigh and smiled when Yoongi invited her to join him on the couch. She shuffled over and nestled against his side. The soft hum of the television filled the room as their eyes focused on the screen, but soon Chaeri's gaze softened with a feeling of peacefulness and she started to drift off.

Eventually, Yoongi's own exhaustion caught up with him and he drifted off to sleep, Chaeri still nestled against his side.

As the night wore on, their breathing deepened, and the only sound in the room was the gentle hum of the TV.

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @ycuvi

#bts 8th member #bts female addition #yoongi drabble #yoongi x reader #bts imagines #yoongi imagines #suga x reader #kpop female member #bts female member #kpop female oc #bts x reader #bts addition #bts eighth member #bts #suga #yoongi

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tyuninthemirror · 2 years ago

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— amnesia: c.sb

— pairing: idol!soobin x trainee!fem!reader — genre: angst — word count: 1866 — disclaimers: mood is slightly darker, may trigger. — synopsis: after your break up, will soobin ever get over you? — series masterlist

— author's note: slightly shorter and sadder. i might rewrite it one day, because i think there's so much potential to expand this, but for now... :) hope you all have a great weekend! (major edited 7/22/2024)

Soobin sat backstage, his leg shaking involuntarily. He could feel his hands getting clammy with every passing second as he glanced at his phone for the umpteenth time that evening.

The final debut line-up announcement for LE SSERAFIM had come and gone, but he had yet to hear from you.

As he stared at the clock, the hands ticking away the moments, the knot in his stomach tightened. Half-past eight, two hours since the crucial announcement at six. Dread settled in. He couldn't escape the feeling that something had gone terribly wrong.

"Is everything okay, Soobin?" his manager asked, noticing his distress and the cold sweat on his forehead.

"I can't get ahold of Y/N," he confessed, his voice betraying the tremor of worry within.

His manager hesitated, his eyes darting away before settling back on Soobin. It was as if the air in the room thickened, and Soobin felt a chill creep up his spine in the prolonged silence.

"Soobin, I'm so sorry," his manager finally said, the words heavy with unspoken regret. "Y/N didn't make the final cut for LE SSERAFIM. And… She's decided to terminate her contract with HYBE."

Soobin's heart sank as the words hit him, leaving him feeling numb and cold. The phone, which he had eagerly awaited for good news, now felt heavy and burdensome in his sweaty hand.

"Terminate her contract?" He repeated the words, tasting the bitterness of their finality. "What are you saying?"

"She's leaving HYBE, Soobin. She doesn't want to become an idol anymore."

The news hits Soobin like a ton of bricks. For a year, the two of you have been keeping your relationship hidden from the public, and he never thought this would happen. He knew how talented you were and how important your fanbase was to HYBE. It felt like someone had dealt him a hard blow to the stomach. Only last night, he held you close, reassuring you that everything would be alright today.

Sitting in your dorm room, a heavy sense of disappointment weighed down upon your shoulders. Your roommate Sakura offered a sympathetic silence, allowing you to process the news alone. According to your manager, the company felt that adding younger members to the debut group would be more successful in attracting new fans. However, they reassured you that there were other plans in store for you.

At that moment, you held back your tears and thanked your manager for the last few years before heading to the office to request the termination of your trainee contract.

Your journey from PRODUCE 48 to this moment had been marked by highs and lows. Despite gaining popularity, the dream of debuting felt far away.

You had hoped for redemption with LE SSERAFIM, but fate dealt you a different hand. As your second chance slipped away, you accepted the fact that prolonging the pain was not an option.

The thought of Soobin, your biggest cheerleader and supporter, brought tears to your eyes. His words of encouragement from the night before echoed in your mind. You knew that if he found out, he’d be in front of you begging for you to stay, and you wouldn’t give it a second thought before agreeing to stay, well knowing that playing the waiting game would only worsen your depression.

With your heart heavy and your mind made up, you gather your belongings and prepare to leave. The door swings open suddenly and Soobin bursts inside, his usually calm demeanor replaced by a look of panic. You can see the worry etched into every line of his face, and you know he's been searching for you.

"Y/N, what's going on?" he pleads, taking in the sight of your packed bags.

"I'm leaving, Soobin," you respond with a forced sense of calmness, though the trembling grip on your bag betrays your true emotions.

"Leaving? But why?" His eyes widen in shock and confusion as he grapples with this unexpected news.

You struggle to find the right words as you explain your decision to Soobin. The weight of it all feels heavy on your shoulders, knowing how much this will hurt him. He reaches for your hand, his grip tight and desperate.

"But what about us?" he chokes out, tears glistening in his eyes. Your heart breaks at the sight of his pain.

"I love you, Soobin, but I can't stay. This grief is consuming me and I can't keep playing the waiting game," you confess, your voice shaking with emotion.

He looks at you with pleading eyes, his heart spilling out through his tears. "So you're just going to leave without saying goodbye?" His voice cracks with hurt and betrayal.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, tears streaming down your own cheeks. "I can't go through this again."

His cries become more desperate, begging you not to leave. "Please, Y/N, don't go. We can make it work, I'll support whatever you decide. Am I nothing to you?"

Your heart aches at his words, knowing that you are breaking both of your hearts in this moment. But you know deep down that this is the best choice for both of you.

Your voice trembles as you speak, barely audible over the pounding of your heart.

"I'm sorry, Soobin," you say, your eyes avoiding his. "I have to do this. It feels like I've been circling the same goal, stuck at the starting line. I'm ready to let go, even if it means giving up on us."

"Don't misunderstand," you continue, fighting back tears as you look into his devastated expression. "I love you and you'll always hold a special place in my heart. But I can't let where I am in life hold you back from success."

Silence hangs between you, thickening the air with tension. Soobin takes a deep breath and nods, his gaze never leaving yours.

"I understand," he says softly, his voice barely audible. "I'll miss you, Y/N."

A lump forms in your throat and tears blur your vision, but you know this is the right decision. You embrace Soobin tightly, committing every detail of him to memory - the way he smells of cologne mixed with sweat after a long day of practice, the warmth of his arms around you.

"I'll miss you too," you choke out through sobs as you finally pull away.

As you walk out of the dormitory you once called home and into the night air, tears streaming down your face, you know that saying goodbye to Soobin is one of the hardest things you've ever had to do. But deep down, you also know that it's what needs to be done for both of your futures.

Soobin drinks his sadness away in front of Yeonjun, and he watches as their leader drowns his 8th shot of the night. Soobin couldn't stop thinking about you and how it was so easy for you to walk out. Regret gnawed at him for not fighting harder, for understanding too late.

"I can't believe she's gone," he mumbled, a shaky admission of pain. "I miss her so much, Yeonjun."

"I know, man," Yeonjun says, putting a hand on Soobin's shoulder. "But you have to try and move on. It's the only way you'll be able to find peace. Besides, you know how much she's been suffering. You know how much debuting in this group meant to her."

Soobin nods, but he knows that it won't be easy. He takes another sip of his drink, trying to drown out his thoughts.

"I just wish it was that easy," he mumbles as he slumps over, resting his forehead on his forearm. "I wish I could wake up with amnesia and just start over."

The warm sun shone down on the group as they gathered for the filming of Game Caterers 2. Sakura greeted Soobin with a respectful bow, her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders.

"Hey," he replied with a small smile, his heart rate increasing at the sight of her. It had been half a year since the two of you broke up, and Soobin had actively avoided being around LE SSERAFIM because it reminded him too much of you.

"How have you been?" Sakura asked in a gentle voice, her eyes full of concern. You and Sakura were close friends during your trainee days, so she often crossed paths with Soobin while you were dating.

"Fine," he responded, forcing a tight smile and already planning to make a quick exit.

"I just wanted you to know that Y/N is doing great," Sakura quickly blurted out before Soobin could walk away. He looked back slightly, curious to hear more about how you were doing. After leaving HYBE, you had deactivated all your social media accounts and disappeared from the public eye, leaving Soobin wondering about your well-being.

"She's working as a stylist now," Sakura continued, her expression softening as she spoke. "I met up with her a few weeks ago. She's genuinely happy now, Soobin. I know she would want the same for you."

"Thanks, Sakura," Soobin mumbled, feeling a glimmer of hope ignite within him. Could it be true? Were you truly happy now?

The memory of his encounter with Sakura lingered in his thoughts for months, until the day he saw you backstage during Inkigayo. The transformation was striking - a radiant glow of happiness seemed to emanate from you. Soobin couldn't help but stare, taking in every detail. Your hair styled differently, your posture exuding a newfound confidence that was both familiar and new. You were the same Y/N he had fallen for, yet the months apart had changed you so much. There was a twinkle in your eyes and a smile that reached them with ease - a completely different person from the one who spent countless nights crying in Soobin's arms over the uncertain future of your stage career.

"Soobin," you greeted, your voice a soft melody amidst the bustling backstage chaos. "It's been a while."

He hesitated, trying to process the sight of you. But before he could say anything, you spoke again.

"I'm sorry for how things ended," you continued, struggling to recall the words you had practiced in front of the mirror just in case you ran into Soobin again. But they all seemed to fail you in this moment.

Soobin shook his head, as if to erase any lingering shadows of their past. "No, Y/N. It was your path to choose, and I see now…you chose well."

A genuine and warm smile spread across your face at his words. "Thank you, Soobin. That means a lot to me."

He couldn't help but notice the lightness in your demeanor, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from your shoulders.

"I'm really happy for you, Y/N," he said sincerely, bridging the gap that time had created between them. "You look amazing."

"I am," you replied with a soft chuckle. "And I've been hoping we could start from the beginning, as friends, when you're ready."

Soobin nodded, a sense of peace and closure settling in his heart. The memories that once pained him now held a gentle nostalgia.

"I'd like that."

#txt fanfic #soobin #soobin angst #txt angst #soobin x reader #soobin x you #txt x you #txt x reader #soobin fanfic #txt imagine

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thepreposterousprequel · 2 months ago

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Chapter the Third

M: Welcome back to another exclusive interview with Prufrock Prep's one (and only) reporter. Proceeding down the alphabet, we have—by random coincidence—arrived at D. D: Thanks for having me on the show, M. And I prefer to think of it as an inclusive interview myself. M: Okay, sure. But first, let’s both get this awkwardness off our chests. D: Who said anything about awkwardness? M: What I mean is you and I are the two candidates running in this election—the only two candidates. We're both trying to end up as the second-in-command at this school. D: I know. And I respect you for that, M. That should give us more to talk about, not less, don’t you think? M: I see. And I respect you for that, D. I just feel so much respect. It's like... have you ever felt something—like a sort of burning—but you're not quite sure how to express it, and— D: My favourite word's "luminary," by the way. M: Hmm? Oh, yes. Thank you kindly for the reminder. Now let’s get to the heart of it: you played a foundational role in the group we all know as Vaudeville’s Finest Denarians. D: Oh, when it comes to that, I’m only the tetartagonist, really. M: It sounds like you’re making up words again, D. D: It means “fourth actor." K and L are clearly the protagonist and the deuteragonist. And B(ea) outplays me—you can be sure about that. M: I see. So you're not even putting *me* in the picture? Or C? D: You’re new. Fifth and sixth actors. And there are the other trainees, which brings our number up to ten. M: I see. In that case, who's the... Decagonist? D: I'd say... F. Or maybe E. But probably F. J and H are definitely more in the middle. M: You may be alienating a few of your voters, D, you know. D: Okay, M. What I meant is that F and E are younger and have a chance to be the protagonist someday. They'd be the first to agree with that.

M: Of course. But L is young, too, you know. D: But he's also L. Also, if this is about inclusivity at the school, let's remember you're the one doing "exclusive" interviews here, M. Anyway, my point was that, currently, we're the perfect number for The Decameron. I hope your readers know about our first performance. M: Of course. And what's our theme? D: The power of fortune. M: I have to say: your performance in the dress rehearsal was simply dazzling. How are you so good at bringing fortune to life? D: It's just a slice of life for me, I suppose. M: Of course. Now, first question: D: *laughing* You mean the interview hasn't even started yet? M: *ahem* What will you do for the school if you win the election? First of all, what title will you assume? D: You'll remember Ish called this "an election for an indeterminate student position." So the eventual title really can only be assumed. M: *sighing* Only Ish... D: I don't know what word I would use, but it definitely would not be "king." There’s a character named King Duncan. He's in a very fascinating drama, but very early on, he gets murdered. That doesn't feel like a good omen. M: I know that play. Would you say Duncan is a good king? Would you structure your leadership style after his? D: After he’s dead, does it matter? M: For the sake of the play? Not really. So I'll let you dodge that question, but not the shipwreck one. It comes up in all sorts of Shakespeare plays. Twelfth Night, the Tempest... D: Well, if you'd asked me yesterday, I would have said B(ea) in a heartbeat. But now, I think I’d go with... H. If our lives depended on it, he could save us with a flying machine made only of coconuts and seaweed, I'm sure. M: So... not B(ea)? D: No. Unfortunately, no. *pause* M: Why not? What's changed? D: B(ea) and I are… not together anymore. M: Wow. I’m sorry to hear that, D. You know, I hadn't even met you before you two were dating. D: Yes. It's true, M. This is my first time saying it out loud, but B(ea) and I are, in fact, taking a pause. And I'm okay that we're taking a pause. *pause* D: Okay, I was sobbing all night. I mean, we’ve had our disagreements, but I thought... Anyway, it felt sudden. M: I'm here for you, D. I mean—we're *all* here for you. And for B(ea). D: Thanks, M. I need this space. You know, the worst part is, B(ea) and I had this dance performance planned for tonight. There's a message we need to convey through the music. An important message. M: So... A dance partner? That's what you need? We do already tap dance together, you know. D: It was supposed to be the foxtrot. The Victor Foxtrot Delta, to be precise. And Bea is kind of irreplaceable. But maybe... M: Whatever message this music is supposed to convey, I'm sure the two of us can convey it through tap. D: So... M: Yes! I'll tap dance with you. D: Tonight? M: That seems a bit sudden. But absolutely! D: Are you sure? We've never performed together. M: ...but we have *rehearsed* together plenty. D: Well if *you* want to, then I couldn't thank you enough! We'll have to talk about costumes. It's got to be something fiery. M: *laughing* How did we get here… You’re distracting me! Very few Ds do that to me. D: Wait—we're still recording? You *are* editing this interview down, right? And I mean a *lot*. M: I only keep the important bits.

On your very first day at Prufrock Prep, dear reader, after disembarking from whatever kayak, submarine, or paraglider you happened to be traveling by, you will likely be pressured into a session of evening entertainment put on by the Department of Wooden Performances before the sun even sets. I, for one, have spent countless hours captive to the less than captivating acts—the mangled magic tricks, the aberrant acrobatics, the violent violin sonatas—with only a handful of pearls worth polishing into a positive review article to show for it. Tonight is my chance to infiltrate.

“You spectacular students never cease to amaze me," says the department head, Professor Remora. We sit overlooking the island's amphitheatre in the sunny afternoon. "But if I'm honest, I came here for the bananas.” These bananas comprise the entirety of his salary, he explains, "and it's worth it." Some combination of the climate and volcanic soil is ideal here, apparently. He peels another from the crate next to him and eats it as I type. The arts are often underfunded.

Evening finds me in a place I'm more than familiar with by now: the antechamber underneath the stage. What I'm not familiar with is the bustle of performers, and I'm awestruck. The lighting—fireless candles—was provided by the Department of Steely Resolve, along with the entry onto the stage—a rising platform through the trapdoor. There's a faint thrumming sound coming from each of the fireless candles as they light up the scene. It fits the mood perfectly.

Jacky and Jenny are the next to take the stage. I can't imagine the stage would want to be taken, if anyone bothered to ask. As a final touch to their costumes, they're adding more and more powder to their already pale faces, continuing as the platform rises through the trapdoor. Their act on the stage above us sounds something like an invigorating rendition of "Somewhere over the Rainbow." It's either that, or perhaps the championships of the welterweight boxing tournament.

"What a lovely performance!" says the opera singer preparing to take the stage next. "I'm glad Jenny finally got her chance." If you need a definition of the word "magnanimous," then look no further than the student who programmed the performances, Beatrice Anwhistle. We have a long chat about the inspiration for the piece she's about to perform. Underneath her warm, calm demeanor, I sense a hidden depth of grief and struggle.

"Duncan's done all the work for our act, really. He's one cool alligator," says Bea, wistfully. "And Héctor cobbled together the wings." "You're being magnanimous, again, Bea," says Duncan Quagmire IV, clarinet in hand, tap shoes on feet. With minutes to go, he's finally showed up for their number. Words start pouring out, as if from a pitcher. "I'm so sorry to come at the last minute, Bea. I wasn't sure if you wanted us to say anything to each other, so I thought I'd just wait, or else stand hunched in a dark corner, and then come in, maybe jumping on the platform as it rises, but I also didn't want you to worry I wouldn't come, so I—" Bea breaks in and hugs him. "I'm the sorry one, Duncan, for our little misunderstanding. I'm glad to see Moxie step in tonight, but I'd have been happy if it was still us. All I wanted was...a slower tempo. For now. That's all."

Duncan gasps. "You mean... you want us to go on?"

"Don't be so gobsmacked," she says, smiling. "You and me both know the show must go on." Their platform slowly rises into the misty evening air. As applause dies down, the intro comes to life: a slow and sublime clarinet and piano line, strumming like a heartbeat. Then Bea's voice breaks the air with "Song to the Moon" from Rusalka. With the atmosphere now in pieces, the magnificent tones easily travel as far as the Moon—a waxing gibbous tonight. If any space traveler stood on the lunar surface that night, they must have been moved to tears by the song directed especially to them. This will be an impossible act to follow.

I take a deep breath. Short-short-short-long, I recite in my head. Then short-short-long-short, then long-short-short. That's all there is to it, Mallahan. Repeat those three over and over. Your message will be received.

After Bea is finished with her song as well as three encores demanded by the audience, her platform descends back into the antechamber. It's my turn. "Shake a leg!" she tells me as we trade places. The electric stage light stings my eyes and the blurred audience disorients my balance. But Duncan's hand reaches out to me, and our act has begun.

"You were fantastic on the stage!" Duncan tells me afterward. "A phenomenon!"

"You were the one carrying the show, really," I say, slowly regaining my breath in the antechamber. "All I was there for was to help the show go on."

"And the message to go on," he adds. "Honestly, I can't thank you enough, Moxie. Someday, I'll do something in return that will help your passion for journalism go on."

"That's a bit vague, but... I like it," I say, thoughtfully. "The world is too quiet here. We need more journalists. We need a world abuzz with the news. Then maybe all those mysteries Snicket and I solve will no longer need solving."

"I'll convince someone else to join you, then, as a journalist," he says. "I don't know who... My firstborn child?"

"I'll take that as a compliment," I reply. "And as a promise, Quagmire. On the record."

Much as I'd like to continue narrating the evening's entertainment with a glowing review of the next piece on the program—"A Dialogue between Hippolyte and Olaf"—I have a question to ask Duncan. A mystery to resolve. I interviewed him about Vaudeville's Finest Denarians this morning. But why did he join the group in the first place?

"My instructions were simple: follow the bats. It was for Bea. She's a baticeer, you know."

"So that's it," I say. "You were looking for bats down here, and you found Vaudeville's Finest Denarians. Mystery solved."

"We found much more before that, Moxie Mallahan," says Duncan, suddenly even more mischievous than usual. "There was the eye of the snake carved into the wall. And then there was this." Somehow, he pulls a skull out from behind his back, holding it up at arm's length and looking into its eyes.

“There’s a painting I studied once. It was years ago, but it's one that sticks in your mind. The scene shows nothing more than a person screaming, hands to his face under an orange sky. The result is terrifying. Colors and shapes mash and bend like hot caramel, and it feels like reality itself is melting. I’ve never seen whoever it was that modeled for the painting, and certainly not his skull, but if I did, I imagine it would look like what I hold in my hands now.”

“So,” I summarize, “The skull is… long.”

Duncan sighs. “If you’d like me to speak like a journalist instead of like a poet, then, yes: all I could have told you was, ‘The skull was long.’ "

"Holding up skulls and soliloquizing in dark antechambers seems a bit too gothic for you, Quagmire. Are you sure you don't have an evil twin?"

"No," he tells me, with another cheeky smile in the torchlight. "He's an evil triplet."

“To carry a torch” is a set of words with at least two meanings. One meaning is to hold a piece of wood designed for the purpose of being lit on fire to give light to the surrounding area. Duncan and I had already done that far underneath this stage. And then there’s another, more figurative torch that one may carry. Though beautiful, it is the most scorching torch of all.

"Good talk, Moxie," says Duncan, sticking his hand out for a shake. "The arts and the media each benefit from a professional working relationship." As the act onstage finally comes to a close and intermission begins, he puts down the skull and heads towards an exit. "I wonder if Bea has plans for the weekend..."

#snicketverse #moxie mallahan #vfd #beatrice baudelaire #antonin dvorak

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yume-x-hanabi · 5 months ago

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Concubinage Behind the Scenes - ch.8

Another "behind the scenes" post from 2022 I forgot to cross-post from DW.

(chapter | DW post | previous posts)

This chapter marks the conclusion to the conflict arc. Despite Lin sending Arst to get healed, Arst's opinion of him doesn't improve, mainly because Lin didn't actually make it clear that was his intention when he sent him to Minah lin learn to communicate pls

That's mainly because they didn't really trust each other yet. Sure, they'd been taking tentative steps toward a potential friendship, but they were not close enough to share their feelings freely. Lin now thinks that Arst looks down on him for being weak, like everybody else (not that he's wrong in this particular moment tbh), so while he feels bad for what happened to him, he's not particularly eager to talk to him anymore. Plus, Arst's barely concealed hostility makes him hard to approach.

Arst, on the other hand, still believes the worst of Lin, and it's made worse by the fact that they had become friendlier just beforehand. He expected that his time as Lin's concubine was going to be terrible, so when the possibility that it could be better than expected presented itself, he was happy to seize the chance... only to have all his hopes dashed the next day. So he's feeling extra bitter about it. Maybe, if they hadn't eventually cleared their misunderstanding and repaired their relationship, he would have ended up snapping at some point.

Arst is a very strong fighter, but unlike Xing, who enjoys crushing those weaker than him, he loves competition, and finding worthy opponents. He loves strong people, but it's not just about physical strength or fencing skills—anyone who tries their best is worthy of respect in his eyes. In fact, he'd much rather fight a weaker opponent who gives their all than an arrogant strong one like Xing.

When he faces Lin again, Lin is determined to prove himself. He wants to show him, in his own way, that he's not a coward, that he can still fight even if he's not very good at it. Lin rejects the opening for a quick victory, he wants to make this fight worthwhile, even if Arst might end up faking a loss at the end.

And despite all his misgivings about him, the part of Arst that loves competition and challenges responds to that, and he ends up fighting seriously for a moment before he remembers the act he's supposed to put on.

That means a lot to Lin. Especially now that he knows what Arst is risking by fighting him seriously. He feels there is an opening for them there, a step toward some level of understanding.

Arst of course doesn't see it so generously, he's full of pent-up anger, and ends up going at him with full force. Lin'll definitely get a nasty bruise from that, but it's nothing a trip to Minah can't fix. In the moment he's more concerned about what's going to happen to Arst afterward, and what he can do to stop it.

Due to not being taken seriously, and his own insecurities regarding his qualifications to fulfill his role (we have to thank Lars' constant disparaging remarks and abuse for that), he rarely uses his authority. But it's not that he has none. If given the chance, he knows how to give orders and use his rank to his advantage. And he's well aware of the intricacies of court hierarchy. Even if people don't respect him, they respect his rank as the heir unless they know Lars won't back him up, hi Yan & Xing. So if he tells Li not to touch Arst, he knows he'll have no choice but to obey.

(Slight digression, but he'll start preventing Li from going after other trainees too if they fight him seriously, tho in effect it probably won't happen much, as he'll keep letting them pretend to lose for some time to lay low.)

Anyway, Arst should be glad to avoid a beating, but since he has no idea what Lin's really planning, he feels actual fear. He's not a character who gets scared easily, but he's not completely immune to fear. And Lin, right now, is an unknown entity, one who he can't read, and that worries him. He's well aware of how ruthless the ruling clan is, and the possibility of being brutally tortured is not nil. Due to their particular circumstances (especially with Lin saying he'll take care of it at home), the thought of rape crosses his mind too. In a way, not knowing what's going to happen makes it worse.

Lin, of course, had no intention on following through with that threat. He sets them up for a shogi match as a last attempt to show Arst that he's not completly useless, that there are things he's good at too (and also because he wants a bit of payback for all his losses; winning at something feels good).

Despite his earlier reserves, Arst gets into it. Especially because, like... it goes rather fast in the chapter's narration because I'm not describing the whole game move by move, but shogi matches can easily get long. Sometimes players spend several minutes thinking up their moves. So that's time for Arst to calm down and start feeling more at ease, especially when playing the game seriously requires him to put all his focus on it, so he puts his worries aside.

I love shogi (only rarely play it tho orz), and I especially love the symbolism it can bring to settings and characters like these. Wingul speaks in chess-like terms a couple of times, and Rowen mentions playing shogi with Gaius in X2, so I think there's good evidence to show this is a game he and Wingul likely played a lot together. It fits them, and it's a good way to let out their competitive nature. So, having Arst and Lin play it was a given.

And, in this instance, it's a way for Lin to open a line of communication. Arst eventually gets a clue about his true intentions, and that makes it easier for Lin to finally open up about how he's feeling, and what's been going on. And, this time, Arst believes him. You'd think he's a bit quick to trust him, after all Lin could be lying. But:

Gaius is an excellent judge of character. We see it with the Chimeriad of course (and Wingul especially), but also the party; he's good at seeing potential in people.

So, when Arst started getting an inkling that Lin was unlike his father... he was right. And though he revised that assessment after what happened with Li, finding out that Lin had nothing to do with it just confirming his first instinct. It just makes sense.

Lin's just spared him an unfair beating, and has made no move to hurt him now, so his actions seem to back his words.

Arst doesn't fully trust him yet, they don't know each other that well after all, and there is a lot of clan history that Arst can't just easily ignore, but it's a start. As much as they both hate their current circumstances, if they can get a somewhat positive relationship out of it, it'll make it more bearable.

Arst also desperately needs friends and allies. Firstly because he's a very sociable person, he's used to being surrounded by people he has a good relationship with, but also because he's alone in the vipers' nest. He won't survive long on his own. Meanwhile, Lin is more of an introvert, who usually keeps to himself and has few friends (Nils and Minah are the only ones, really, plus his mother), but a part of him is yearning for someone else to acknowledge him. And Arst is in a special position to do that. Plus, it's better when the hot guy you live with isn't looking at you like he's about to murder you ;)

#yume fanfiction #concubinage behind the scenes

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namtanlovesfilm · 11 months ago

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earlier i was so sure that offgun are never gonna split. but now, i have this gut feeling that gun has packed his bags. because the level of mistreatment both offgun are facing rn is insane. streets are saying the trainee is gonna start airing from march? kinda feels like gmmtv wants to rush through and milk them as much as they can without giving them the exposure, like not allowing them to promote their work in their own shows like ogfn, not giving them opportunity to promote their work in other gmmtv shows etc. off is single-handedly doing all the fanservice and helping the show trend on X, so i am guessing he'll stay and switch to het shows. gun doesn't post anything about cooking crush, and doesn't care about the show's promo and the ship anymore so i feel like he's the one who's leaving.

nope, I'm rejecting this whole ask lmao 😆 when I tell you my heart dropped reading this, bc I know that what you're saying makes perfect sense & I'm also scared of my own gut feeling I've been getting. the one thing that ticks me off the most in your whole ask is the trainee airing in march bc WTF, I hope it doesn't come true & it's just misguided rumor. as for gun, yes obviously he's always been the most likely to ditch gmmtv & offgun, I've always said off is literally the most loyal actor to gmmtv... but I do feel like it's always been gun's brand to be very nonchalant & not very enthusiastic about promoting his show or his ship so for me that's nothing new... I know offgun will end one day for sure but I was hoping they'd last until their 10th anniversary at least 😅 however I wouldn't blame them for being fed up with gmmtv's treatment of them bc it's incredibly weird & paradoxical, sometimes they promote them & give them shows & events, and the rest of the time it's like offgun aren't part of gmmtv at all... not claiming this energy though 😭😭😭🙏

xxx

#answers #offgun #off jumpol #gun atthaphan #cooking crush #the trainee #gmmtv sucks but I'm REALLY not ready to lose offgun babes 😭#like... we just got the diggin show where they confessed their love & shit I really hope gun doesn't ditch off...#idk what I'm gonna do if I lose offgun bc it means off will get so much less career opportunities & I cannot bear to see that happen.......#I need my off every day of my life babes it's out of the question for me

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trashlie · 2 years ago

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heyooo it's lil anon again 😼 sorry for disappearing for a while. hope you've been well, though! <3 i'm glad you enjoyed my shinae powerpoint headcanons, your reaction made me smile so much my cheeks hurt LMAO

on anti-hero nol, i'm actually 100% with you! i'm a firm believer in "living well is the best revenge" and i *need* to see this character heal and find peace :( </3 it's just the possibility of it hanging over his head that appeals to me; him coming close to tipping over, being aware that he could go down this path and would have all the reasons and justifications to do it, but then still choosing not to. but yeah hopefully he doesn't cross that line and becomes a dying star like you put it so beautifully ;A; what do you think of the possibility of him becoming the ceo btw? there has been some foreshadowing, but personally i don't see current nol being happy in a position like that, he hates this entire environment too much. also i just don't like the idea of him becoming a venture capitalist lmao ;; that patreon post of the trio post-timeskip and nol being dressed in casual clothes (instead of business-like like shin and kou) kinda aligns with my thoughts, but i know it's very flimsy lol. also crazy thought but walk with me for a second. capitalism being evil aside, what if in a turn of events shinae becomes the ceo instead? wouldn't that be wild for SO many reasons? listen, chances are low but never zero! 😋

re: alyssa... first of all, thank you for your detailed commentary, i completely agree with what you said about her circumstances, sexuality, need to fit in etc. and it's great that you like her and are optimistic about her, i genuinely mean it! the main reason i don't vibe with alyssa is that she uses people as stepping stones to climb higher and never lifts them up with her. for example, when she started hanging out with more people in middle school, she could've used her "improved" social standing to help shinae. she could've introduced her, been like "hey this girl is actually really cool guys give her a chance". but instead she started ignoring shinae, basically tried to get rid of her when she didn't need her anymore. yeah, she kind of defended shinae once, but that's not enough for me. you can say maybe she feared losing her new status, or was scared of her feelings, or was simply too immature, but i think she really should know what it's like to be an outcast, what it's like to be alone. and it bothers me that she basically just left shinae behind when she moved up. same thing when she met nol/soushi/dieter; she latched on to nol to benefit from his family and then started ignoring him, doing the bare minimum to not lose that connection. we've never actually seen her with soushi/dieter. i wouldn't be surprised if she's never even contacted them after becoming a trainee/mingling with the upper class. her desperate need to fit in and aspiring power are meh but understandable, but it's the lack of gratitude and empathy that just bothers me :// like these are all people who were kind to her when she was at her lowest, yet this is how she treats them? she just... takes it all for granted and never gives back? some might say she doesn't owe them anything, but to me, it's just basic decency. not to sound cheesy, but... climb the ladder all you want, just don't forget who was there for you when you were at the bottom :/ and yeah i'd still love for her to free herself from yui and grow as a person (and ideally end her comphet era), but i also wonder if there's even space for major alyssa development...

i also saw your recent post on the entire shinae dieter nol/romantic development thing fiasco and hoo boy you are so right. tbh what also really bothers me (on top of the hypocrisy and ableism) is how people tend to strip female characters of their agency 💀 like... how about we let shinae have her own preferences and make her own choices, even if it contradicts with what we'd personally do in her situation? instead of inserting ourselves via her and simultaneously centering everything around the guys??

this might ruffle some feathers. while i respect everyone's preferences, concerns, and opinions, it seems to me like some people who vehemently want shinae and dieter to be canon (or want nol and shinae to stay platonic) just... don't see the bigger picture here. like, nol and shinae are supposed to be the counterpart to rand and nessa. they're supposed to break free from yui and achieve the happiness rand and nessa tragically couldn't. in the context of the full story, them being lovers has a significant narrative purpose. don't get me wrong, i really don't believe that *all* ships need to have a narrative purpose, or that it makes a ship better, not at all! and it doesn't mean everyone has to *like* this ship, but it's important to understand that there is a reason why it's these two characters and not anyone else. i know this is very meta and i don't blame readers for not seeing the parallels (yet) because the hints have been very subtle, but once you realize it, you just can't unsee it... and sure, i don't know how the story will go, i might be completely wrong. but i'd be surprised if quim misses out on the opportunity to explore this parallel after setting it up. idk. what are your thoughts?

oh gosh, i talked so much again. alright. peace out - lil anon 😼

AHHHHH Lil Anon!!! I've missed you!!!! I hope you've been well! I got so excited when I opened tumblr and saw a new message notification because I was so hopeful it would be you! I haven't been able to pull myself together to talk about the recent episodes (which is a shame because I am LOVING them!) but I think this is gonna give me the head space to do it, now!!! Sometimes you just gotta dip your toe in and then the full brainrot goes STRONG!

what do you think of the possibility of him becoming the ceo btw? there has been some foreshadowing, but personally i don't see current nol being happy in a position like that, he hates this entire environment too much.

BOY DO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS! I'm very much with you, here. Just like I'm not into the idea of Nol being an anti-hero and his story being about revenge, I can't see him becoming CEO. I think people want it because the whole taking from Kousuke what he wants*, defying Yui's intentions, the David and Goliath of it all and I get that but - right. I want Nol to live WELL, I want him to live HAPPILY. I don't want him in a career that he doesn't love the way Kousuke has been, I don't want him in an environment that doesn't appeal to him. And maybe we're wrong - maybe there's a part of him that feels comfortable and will thrive, but from what little he's said of it, when he told Shinae he doesn't feel like it he fits in to this world really he's just putting on that mask, playing that role, it makes me feel like it's not his ideal setting. And, yes, I have considered the Patreon illustration as part of this. I know this was work for a client so we can only glean so much from it - is she really using it as a glimpse of the future? I like to think so!

But something I've been thinking a LOT about re: this current arc is that we will at some point see Nol, Kousuke, and Shinae as a team. I've always thought she's going to be that bridge, but I think Nol and Kousuke themselves are going to find their ways to peace and healing.... but it's gonna be a long road lol. But something I've been talking about with another reader is that we could have the trio set up where Kousuke acts as a double agent and Corporate World Shinae is the eyes and ears for Nol who I think may not join in the corporate world. Now, I can't be more detailed about how I think this would work because I am not a corporate person at alllll lmao but I think there's something soooo satisfying about the idea of Kousuke following the path Yui intended, but to turn around and use that power to dismantle her. Could he (and Shinae) quietly amass allies? Could he enact policy change that would somehow oppose her or her methods? Where does Nol come into this? Look idk I gotta see what the future holds LMAO but I've come to really love this idea of them being a team beneath Yui's nose, of Yui's little creation taking everything she taught him everything she instilled in him and using it against her lmaoooo

Hear me out, okay? I know right now it seems like Nol has wiped his hands of Kousuke, has said too little too late that's not changing. But Nol is under the impression that Yui loves Kousuke. He's under the impression that Kousuke has always had his needs met, that she'd do anything for him, that she has always treated him like a prince. But we know now that's not the case. We can see that Kousuke never had that warm, loving relationship with Yui that Nol had with Nessa. And with the theory that Yui has been drugging Kousuke become more and more likely, I think Nol will have a change of heart whenever things come to light, whenever he realizes that Kousuke, too, has been very much a victim of Yui, that he was denied things that even Nol had for a short time. I don't think it means immediate forgiveness, but I think Nol would be able to find a formidable ally in someone who also cannot trust Yui further than he could throw her, who has been used and neglected by her.

There's a lot I hope for with the tragic siblings lmao. Nol has always felt Kousuke was the favored one, the one lavished in love when his was taken away. But Kousuke had always felt that Nol had the easy life, that because he didn't have to earn Rand's love (because he thought Nol had once done it) his life was easy, no burden or expectations. But once they both get that out of the way, once they see how the other has lived? What could be more glorious than the two people Yui set to make enemies of each other teaming up to destroy her with Shinae?

I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!

That said I've never considered the idea of Shinae as CEO! Like Nol, I don't think it's quite something she'd want - I really just. Like the idea of Shinae helping people, but if she's going to stay in the corporate world like we think, then what would she be doing? Would she remain as Kousuke's assistant? Would she find that she has strength in something else? I'm really curious to see what her path is, because I don't know if this is going to be a "discover a strength you didn't realize you possessed" kind of deal or a "stay in this world so that you can defeat the evil and then figure yourself out" kind of thing.

Since Nol intended to follow in Rand's footsteps - was it his own empty hope that maybe he could make Rand see him for who he is, to be proud of him for once? or is it that this IS what he wants? Is that what he's going to do after prison? I'm so insatiably curious about this part of the future - where will everyone be? What are their intentions?! That image on patreon lives rent free at the back of my mind lmao like it's just SO intriguing to me, and how Nol seems so lax compared to Shinae but they're still linked to each other? I WANT TO SEE THE FUTURE SO BADLY!

When it comes to Alyssa, don't worry, I definitely get this! Like... there are DEFINITELY reasons to dislike Alyssa - I just always ask that people who dislike her dislike her for those reasons lmao like. I feel like so often she's gotten dislike simply because she "stands in the way of a ship" (which is... lmao hard to argue at this point of the story).

but i think she really should know what it's like to be an outcast, what it's like to be alone.

I think this is why I really want to see the story go to a place where Alyssa does have that fall from grace - where Sarah Lee of all people brings up bullying allegations and Alyssa's fans turn on her. Both because she has to, at some point, realize that conditional love is not going to fill the void she's trying to fill, and yes, because at some point if she's to grow, she NEEDS to contend with being alone - really alone, with only herself. I also agree that we may not have that in this story. I know I've discussed this before but it's very likely there are characters who won't see a "redemption arc". I just hope we get to see her grow, that maybe if she faces what she's been so afraid of, she'll finally see what she took for granted, what she didn't appreciate. I don't think it's likely that she'll win people over as fans lol but I guess I just acknowledge that I enjoy some really messy girls so I can't hold that against others who don't lmaoooo Alyssa is one of those characters who I think I'm as critical of as I enjoy, because what makes her so fascinating to me is the ways that she is uhhh... not a great friend, not a great partner lmaooo but I can't help but want to see her do better, be better. But I genuinely don't think it will happen unless she can find that comfort with herself.

And I guess that IS the thing about why I like her - there's something so very human about her that even if I don't approve of what she does, even if I hope for her to make changes, I understand why she is, and why she may never. But look, I acknowledge I'm a very hopeful person for some reason hah!

like... how about we let shinae have her own preferences and make her own choices, even if it contradicts with what we'd personally do in her situation? instead of inserting ourselves via her and simultaneously centering everything around the guys??

The funny thing about this is - this is how shipping has ALWAYS been. I know I was guilty of it when I was younger, too. I'm not even sure when I changed, but just that I was one day very aware of shipping debates that went "Well, I just don't think he's very masculine and I personally don't like him so I ship her with the other guy" and right like at that point... go write your self-insert fic, friend! That's clearly what you want, that's okay! Go write it! Shipping is fun and I'm not going to accuse people who get very into media for shippy reasons for reading for the wrong reasons or something, but right like... at the end of the day is it about YOUR preferences or is it about what makes most sense with the characters?

Like, I know whenever I talk about my shipping feelings I always preface that frankly, I don't think Shinae and Nol are in the place FOR a relationship right now. Nol is still trying to hide his feelings, Shinae isn't aware of hers. I think ultimately when people ship things, they ship them in a best case scenario. Like, shipping them doesn't mean I NEED them to confess and start dating right now - it means I hope that eventually that outcome may be, but I'm enjoying their interactions, I'm enjoying how they affect each other, I'm enjoying how their relationship affects the story.

And yeah! From a meta point, it's really clear that parallel has been set in motion. And definitely, shipping based on literature device is not a reason TO ship - but I think it just plays into what makes them shippable? Because yeah we see them mirroring something that was ultimately tragic, something with a ripple effect so vast it's caught all of these people in the waves, and we want to see it go differently. We see Nol falling into his father's footsteps whether or not he realizes it and we want to see him stop that, we want to see the generational cycle ended. And as a device it works BECAUSE of what they mean to each other, what their chemistry is. It gives us an idea of what Rand and Nessa were like, and we end up hoping that Shinae can be to Nol what Nessa couldn't be to Rand. What could have happened if they'd been able to be a team, if they'd been able to deal with the obstacles around them.

And that's what makes a story! If a story was meant to be about the easiest routes, the "safest" or "healthiest" routes, would there be any story? And I say safest or healthiest that way because we don't know that Dieter and Shinae WOULD be any healthier. Like, yeah Dieter is straight forward about Shinae and he doesn't have a reason to hide or deny his feelings. But by virtue of being a more well-adjusted character, it's likely to be harder for Dieter to understand or deal with Shinae's particular baggage. It's not just about if one half of this relationship is "stable" because Shinae, too, has baggage. That's why we see Nol and Shinae drawn to each other on that emotional level even when they don't realize it right away - Shinae understands Nol's skittishness, why he pushes people away and isolates himself, because she's been there. Likewise, we've see that he understands when she isolates herself, when she put her walls back up to him and he made her take them down.

There's so many things I could - and maybe will one day - write about how the thing about Nol and Shinae is that they operate on the same frequency. Dieter provides security, that's definitely true. But security is not the end all of relationships, and it's not what everyone seeks, either. To some people, that's too safe, too healthy lol.

But right, between the writing acknowledging that Nol and Shinae operate on the same frequency, how they're able to understand and accept the way the other is and the very obvious parallel to Rand and Nessa set up, it's clear that this route provides more story. Again, like you said, that's not a reason TO necessarily ship something, but the set up is done not in spite of what Dieter and Shinae could be. It doesn't sacrifice a chunk of story for nothing, you know?

idk I have a lot of thoughts that maybe I'll get down one day but right, that's what it really comes down to. The parallel between Nessa/Rand and Shinae/Nol wouldn't work as well if they didn't have that chemistry, if they didn't respond to each other the way they do. It's the way Shinae continues to try to reach him even when he tries to push her away. It's the stupid way he tries to push her away but has that tendency to fold. It's the way she brings him that comfort and peace, and how he brought out of a part of her she was too afraid to ever let out again. I don't think I'd be much into the pairing at this point if it seemed to me that Shinae had no stock in it, if it didn't have pay off for her. If it was constantly being hurt with no sign of him ever changing? But she herself has made the resolution to keep trying, to find a new approach, to break down his walls like he did for her. And frankly? She's never really seemed to like things coming to her easy has she alfjkfakjfaj LMAO

At the end of the day, it's about Shinae's choices. It's not about what is healthiest, what is more stable, who has hurt who. It's about who want to be with each other \o/ It's fine to be disappointed if she doesn't end up dating Dieter, but yeah, it feels weird for the discourse to end up being "Dieter liked her first" or "He's more stable" instead of it being "Oh no poor Dieter, it looks like Shinae has developed feelings for his friend :(" or something that allows her to have her agency.

(Also I hate the "so and so liked them first" because it also removes the agency of the other person. Dieter liked her first, it's true, but if he wound up liking his friend, and his friend wound up liking her, does that mean they can never be together? Dieter will not be hung up on Shinae for the rest of his life, I am sure. In the same way that Dieter has been comfortable and secure for Shinae, I think she was similar to him, too. She made him feel seen. And there will be others who will make him feel seen, too. His heart will heal and he will be okay. Acting like it's a cardinal sin for Nol to have inadvertently developed feelings is so afljkakfjjkaf? If he could control his feelings that way, then he would have used to that control to not care about them like he so badly wanted to lmao. If he could control his feelings, he would have done everything in his power to stop! alfkjkafkjafjkf see this is why I'm gonna wind up writing an essay one day. YOU THINK NOL INTENDED TO FALL FOR SHINAE?! He only just realized that's what's happened lmao you think he schemed for this? You think he pointedly did things to make her like him so he could "steal" her from someone she isn't dating? YELLS)

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Alyssa Cho #Kousuke Hirahara #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Nol #Dieter Becker-Wulff #I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS LMAO I'M SORRY LAFKJAFKKAJFJKAFJKAFJKFJAK #i just!!!!!!!!!#there's something legitimately so funny to me about how Nol literally tried to make Shinae see the light re: Dieter #tried to help his buddy out #and then she just kept BEING there for him #she kept CARING about him #she kept getting under his skin!!!!!!#he wakes up in a hospital his absolute nightmare pure terror #and immediately he's quelled because she's there #it can't be so bad if she's there #you're telling me that's who he wanted to be???? lmao #he tried so hard!!! to cut ties!!!! to exit their lives to let them live without him #he wasn't nefariously trying to steal his friend's girl aljfkjafjkafj #like does it suck that she fell for nol and that he also wound up falling for her? yeah duh.#but the narrative that nol is shady for it just doesn't sit right cos it's like #he's not out here singing jesse's girl yknow? he just happened to get Affected #aflkjafjkafjkajfkjafk lmao #ANYWAY ALSO YEAH i have big big feelings about the idea of Kousuke Shinae and Nol teaming up in the future #I have LOTS of feelings about tragic siblings making peace #i have BIG feelings over how poetic it would be for yui's 'weapon' to be used against her #for Shinae to learn to play her game for Kousuke to unravel her for Nol to be at the side of the very person she tried to isolate

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