#i hope everyone gets their metaphorical rose next year

[cool-thymus]

Happy New Year everyone! 🎄🎆This little story is a secret santa gift for sweet Princess cake enthusiast @back-to-rose 🩷 (when I was drawing it i imagined them celebrating New Year rather than Christmas 🤭)

A bonus sketch below (Obito makes the rose disappear from Kakashi's fingers 😏)

[goldsbitch]

can I request a Lando x reader where the reader’s weakness is when people stroke her hair? Her mind goes completely blank and she falls silent immediately when people stroke her hair and Lando uses it at his advantage.

Fluffy pls and ty🫶🏻

omg, i love this prompt so much - thank you and hope you like it!!

This is one is dripping with sweetness a little too much, don't say I did not warn you. No other warning.

Lando was born a tease, oscillating between clueless and shy, to unapologetic and bordeline dickish. It all depended on the setting, his relationship to the person and how much sleep he got the night before. Sometimes your boyfriend was the sweetest little thing, giggling shyly about everything instead of coming up with an actual response, and the other times he was a walking menace actively seeking every opportunity how to get you into a flustered state.

You and Lando were full on deep in the beginning of your relationship, the sweetest part of the honeymoon phase. To put it bluntly - fucking almost non stop. And the desire was never-ending. Blinding sunshine kissed good morning to every day you two got to wake up next to each other. Problems seem to be non existent. Bliss.

It was the way his hair curled when he got a little bit sweaty, his toned body what you were desperate to explore from every angle and the need to know every little secret trick that worked on him. It became some sort of a game, who would get better at knowing the other. Which one of you found all the buttons to push.

Lando rose up that morning and chose violence. Metaphorical one, of course. Snuggling up to you in order to wake you up as well for some morning work out, as he like to call it. Whispering sweet nothings to your ear and touching you all over your body. But you were just incredibly sore from the past few days, physically unable to keep up.

"Why don't you love me anymore," he pleaded jokingly as you murmured another weak appeal for your sleep.

"Lando, you know I love you more than anything," you replied, still half asleep. But it was hard to distinguish as reality resembled a sweet dream everyday lately.

"I remember when you used to want me, physically," he kept going.

"We literally had sex few hours ago, stop whining," you kissed him between your words. He looked at you with his incredible eyes, little devil dancing in each one of them.

"Exactly, too long ago. Wish I could go back in time when you were not sore and get inside you all over again."

You simply laughed, absolutely smitten with this lovey dovey side of him. His words made you melt like butter sitting under direct sun. You brushed your noses together and then he kissed you.

The best part of romantic relationships is the one that you cannot absolutely share with other people, the almost embarrassing pleas, desire and gross goofiness, simping at each other all the time.

"Fine, if you play by these rules, I'll come back with my own revenge," he said finally as you inevitably had to start getting ready to go to the paddock with him.

Today was the big day. You'd been spotted in public countless of times, the "girlfriend" title officially sitting on your head for weeks now. But this was the first time you were to join him in the paddock as a wag. You were trying to hide your nervousness, but he saw right through you. Before you exited the apartment, he made you stop and took your face in his hands. "I'm happy I get to do this with you. I love parading you around, for everyone to see that we're a team." You smiled, his words hitting like first snowflakes of the year. "Poor Oscar, I can't wait to finally trauma dump the shared misery you bring to our lives," you jokes and locked lips with him once again. "God, it's terrifying how much I like you," you said automatically, without having to think about it.

//

It actually wasn't as bad as you'd expected. It was definitely weird and strange, but not necessarily bad. Having Lando by your side as you passed the gates definitely helped. The photographers were lined up as people at a shooting range would and it did feel like that at first. But as quickly as you were initially overwhelmed, fatigue took over you and you blocked their ever-presence out. Trying to chat up those Lando introduce you to and memorizing the names. You knew how much some of these people meant to Lando, so you were trying to be at your best behavior. The thought that his friends would hate you in the same way as some of his fans haunted you.

In the middle of all the rush, you parted for a moment. To be honest, little peace of quiet and chill was something you appreciated. But remember, Lando woke up and chose violence this morning. And his plan was quite simple, yet bulletproof.

"Y/N! There you are, my love," you heard from coming from behind you. "I have someone to introduce to you! I'm very much sure you'll appreciate meeting him." As you turned, you saw Daniel Ricciardo walking your way with your Lando. You were a little perplexed as to why Lando was so cheerful about that. You clearly remembered him getting very upset when you admitted to him that at some point in the past, when formula 1 was a world far away from you, that you had a minor crush on Daniel. Which obviously went out of the window once you met Lando. That did not mean that Lando was 100% ok with it.

"Y/N, as I'm sure you know, this is Daniel, hell of a driver and good friend of mine," Lando continued and you knew him well enough to know he had ulterior motives. Not sure what to do, you smiles shyly and shook Daniel's hand.

"Hi, Daniel," you said, eyes flinching between him and Lando. You were full on preparing for anything. Lando's smirk almost had a life of his own at that point.

"Nice to finally meet you, Y/N. I've heard quite a lot things about you!" Daniel opened, life of the party as per usual.

You chuckled. "All good things, I hope!" And with that, Lando stepped behind you and put his arm around you.

"Only the best," he said, leaned closed and inconspicuously started to stroke you hair gently. Oh, he did not just go this low.

It was slow, yet like tidal wave. You stopped breathing for a moment. Your body relaxing, as if you'd just taken the world's best sedatives. The way his hands made you feel was etherial. It was the same sensation the luckier ones experienced when listening to ASMR and the less fortunate ones sometimes called an orgasm. Shivers slowly traveling around your whole body, every part becoming sensitive out of nowhere. You weren't able to look at Daniel, let alone continue speaking. Lando was more than aware of what touching your hair did to you. He'd discovered this trick quite early on. And it was his favorite one.

"So, where are you from?" Daniel attempted at small talk. But how could you possibly give a fuck at that moment. Not that your body would even allowed you to respond. The only thing you were able to take in from the outside world were the soft slow movements Lando's fingers were doing, blocking everything out instanteniously.

Daniel stared at you, waiting. From his perspective, this was a very awkward meeting.

Lando answered for you, with a smirk you did not see, but could feel from the tone of his voice. "You have to excuse her, she is bit shy in front of new people."

You could not give less of a fuck at that moment of what these two were saying. Your lips were starting to shiver from getting so sensitive. You took a short breath and someone who would be standing close and knew you well would know, that what escaped your mouth was not a nervous laugh, but something very close to a moan.

Lando and Daniel were saying words, but none of that was important, while Lando's fingers were working his magic. He would only leave your hair alone once he saw Daniel leaving.

You wanted to be mad at him. But you were still sort of high from all the sensation bomb Lando dropped on you. You slowly turned around to face him, coming down from your own personal nirvana.

You took a deep breath while he watched you without a blink and biting hims smile away.

"You promised," you let out air that got stuck in your lungs somewhere along the way. "You promised you would not do this in public." Your brain was slowly wiring up to normal again.

"I told you I'd punish you for the morning," he said as if it was the most amusing thing ever. "Also, if Daniel is my competition, I'm going to use all the advantage I have."

Lando had a way of looking at you that made you unravel instantaneously and there was no way of stopping it. There was just something about his smile that did it for you. As anyone who is properly in love, you could not imagine somebody being able tor resist that. In your love soaked mind, he was irresistible. To a normal mind, he was probably just a regular guy, but that idea was unfathomable to you.

"I'm pretty sure that after what I just pulled, you will not have to worry about Daniel liking me," you chuckled, having to accept that Lando won this one.

"I would never let my guard down...But yeah, I think this one is pretty safe," he chuckled once more. You kissed his overly proud face and promised to yourself to get back at him later, in the privacy of his bedroom.

[bossbutch]

halfway thru chapter 1 of umineko. idk how meaningful it is to speculate this early, The Real Umineko hasnt even properly started. these arent fully thought out and organized it's just scattered thoughts

battler's gender politics are entertainingly weird. he's like "when i meet a woman, even if she's my cousin or my servant, i NEED to make a big show of grabbing her tits so that she can hit me and everyone will laugh at the Classic Gag and it'll lighten the mood" which is just ridiculous enough to be something a rich teenager in the 80s could convince himself is okay. and then he sees the dinner seating and he's like "damn my family's so patriarchal. thought gained: inexplicable feminist agenda". i'm assuming this is a genre deconstruction thing. also lol that he is right next to maria in grandpa's tier list

maria is awesome btw i hope she gets to infodump about magic a lot more. some goon in the SA thread said the umineko author was once a social worker, so like. even if they don't use the word because it's japan in the 80s she's gotta be Intended as autistic

kinzo's room is so telegraphed to be a locked room mystery. he's entertaining too but i kinda zone out when he's talking about how his magic system works. i get the basic of more risk = more magic power but i worry it's the kind of thing that has Important Clues that my brain autofills with [arcane rambling]

battler constantly gasses up how good george is with kids and then george sees a family member repeatedly hitting their 9 year old disabled child and says, out loud, "not my problem"

assuming the epitaph is a puzzle intended to be solved and not the kind of puzzle that frames all the other puzzles and isn't solvable til the end: until the first butterfly i thought all the death and traveling was metaphorical. it still could be. like the six chosen by the key could be objects. the hands of a clock may be involved because that's in all the promo stuff and chapter start art. kinzo acted like the riddle was totally solvable by the doc or kanon or any of his kids. but if it was unsolvable until People Started Dying, it seems kinda pointless to have put the painting up years ago? but beatrice is a Dramatic Bitch.

Who Took The Rose?! no idea, but i'm sure it's important. if there's a 19th person, definitely them. totally possible the wrapper fell off but they'd still recognize the withered rose i reckon

Who Gave Maria The Umbrella?! again, if there's a 19th person, it's them. if not, natsuhi was my prime suspect because her alibi didn't have any witnesses but everyone else's did (if you really count grandpa and the doctor, like doc could easily say "i was with kinzo" and no one would verify that with kinzo). but then there was a scene right after from natsuhi's pov (migraine and can't sleep without meds, literally me) where she speculates who did it. so either the narrative is heavily fucking with me, it's gramps or the doctor, or it's someone with an accomplice

the narration is from battler's pov except when it's not and it's strange. it even isn't from his pov in some scenes that he's in, like the letter reading scene. this is the type of thing that could Mean Something way later but is just a little confusing sometimes right now

kyrie saying there's a contradiction in beatrice showing herself to maria but hiding from everyone else, failing to consider beatrice may be a Dramatic Bitch. i think there's probably a 19th person even if they are not necessarily a witch with magic powers

the furniture being totally able to break promises but can't disobey orders is the kind of exact words semantic sillies that umineko memes made me expect

goes w/o saying that the way the servants are treated is supremely fucked up. going to servant school and then working in the mansion at age six... george proposing to a girl that he has so much power over is lol. it's nice that umineko cares who the servants are and why they're there, and other logistical human things like how kinzo made his money and what they're all doing with it

at midnight, where was the doctor?

they drop some hints that the non-shannon, non-krauss bodies have their faces disfigured and Could be other people but that is pretty ridiculous and there's no reasons to consider that yet

i wish the LP used the doughy original art but that's the price i pay for convenience

[chaotic-tired-cat]

Hey I was wondering If you plan on updating your legacy fic on Ao3, It was really good I've read it multiple times. Although it took me awhile but on like my 6th or seventh re-read I just realized the names of the chapter titles make a really good poem though I'm unsure if that's intentional or not.

Almost everything midoyria does I'd a giant metaphor with him being a gardener planting seeds in the present for the sake of the future. No matter how much he refused to directly fight his brother it seems like he's been planning this kind of thing for hundreds of years. I wouldn't be surprised if One for All was behind the creation of UA or everything going on in its current society.

-Sorry for the long paragraph your story is wild and completely insane, I really want to read about everyone's expression of shock when he come out because otherwise I'm pretty sure they'll never find out otherwise who he is as AFO brother.

Heyo, I am thriving abt your ask! It gave me fuel to go back and edit a bit of Legacy's next chapter. Also, I'm downright flattered that you've read Legacy so many times!! Considering it a huge compliment. Losing my mind. I am very hopeful for reveals to live up to expectations. And yep! The poem by Clare Harner is 100% on purpose. I'm including corresponding imagery in each chapter/title as a scavenger hunt of themes and more literal moments, though some (like Ripened Grain -> Harvest/Seasons/time passing -> Ochako eating rose petals & students moving towards self-sufficiency) are pretty abstract.

Gardening!! Learning to think of life and potential happiness beyond the next immediate harvest is a big theme and you're absolutely correct on that. Cannot confirm or deny suspicions on what specifically is in the works for Izuku, but please know I am delighted with what you said. To tide you over, I added a tiny & mildly unedited snippet under the readmore that your ask me very impatient to share.

Legacy absolutely will be updated and finished. I'm just dealing with a limitation irl where prolonged typing is difficult sometimes. (Feel free to poke me whenever for a snippet, though! I know the agony of waiting ages for a fic to update and wouldn't wish it on anyone.)

Legacy spoilers beyond this point:

“Why gardening?” Tsukauchi asks finally, wrapping chilled hands around his coffee cup. “From what I'm understanding, you’ve been around long enough to get practiced at pretty much anything. Why… plants?”

He doesn't mean it in a rude way, and Midoriya smiles a bit at the blunt curiosity Tsukauchi cannot help.

“Because they’re like us,” he says. 

Tsukauchi gives him a bewildered look. “Plants?”

“They can’t be completed,” Midoriya says firmly. It sounds like a lesson that was hard learned. “I can make my garden better. I can plant seeds and weed it, I can water it and fret over every last insect that enters it, but it will never be finished. There will never be a point where I’m done and can abandon it. Somehow, people do it anyway. They keep trying.”

Tsukauchi frowns. “So this whole time, it’s been a metaphor for.. what? Mental health?”

“Finding happiness,” Midoriya says. “Or maybe it’s just a hobby paired with an old man’s ramblings.”

His statement rings true for both. Midoriya brushes dirt off his hands and uses his wrist to push green hair back. Sometimes Tsukauchi wonders if Midoriya’s original quirk was earth or plant related, and if All for One swapped it with an immortality one before anyone knew any better. It’s impossible to tell.

Tsukauchi washes the thought back with bitter coffee and winces when it burns his tongue. “That’s a complex game to play.”

“Not a game,” Midoriya tells him. He sets aside his tools and stands up. Here in the garden, Midoriya seems more at home than he could ever be on a battlefield. 

Nezdu sees it too.

He asked Tsukauchi to meet with him and Nighteye tomorrow about possibly placing Midoriya in a modified track for heroics. Nothing will happen without the groundskeeper indicating he’s like a life in the very industry that’s protecting him, but it’s a good plan. If he gets a heroics license, Midoriya will have a job waiting for him at UA once the investigation is over.

Even Tsuakuchi can see the heroic spirit Midoriya carries.

Toshinori says he's a good teacher, too.

[Yall, it's so hard not to add the following three paragraphs to this snippet, but they are low-key massive spoilers. apostriavin, those lines are now dedicated to you.]

[neomedievalist]

super normal behavior to see a book review you don’t like and then stalk all of that persons other reviews and social media

―――――When I came to, I was in a burning field. I guess there was a big fire. The familiar town had turned to ashes and it looked like the remains of a battlefield from a movie. ―――But that didn't last long either. The fire had died down by the time the sun rose. The tall wall of flame had shortened, and most of the buildings had fallen. …It felt strange, being the only thing in that place that still had its original form. I was the only one still alive around here. I must have been really lucky, or my house was built in a very lucky spot. I don't know which it was, but the point is, I was the only one left alive. I felt that since I survived, I should live on. I started walking aimlessly, because I thought it would be dangerous just to stay there. I wasn't really concerned about getting burned up like the people lying around me. …Probably because, over and above not wanting to be like them, I had a stronger feeling in my mind. But still, I had no hope. It was already a wonder I was still alive, so I couldn't expect to be saved. I won't survive. Whatever happens, I won't be able to escape from this red world. It was such an absolute hell that even a small child could understand it. And I collapsed. Was it because there was no air? Was it because no function was left in my body?

Anyway, I collapsed and stared up at the clouded sky. Everything around me was burned up and I could see many shriveled people. The dark clouds loomed overhead, telling me it would rain soon. …That's good. The fire will be put out once it rains. In the end, I sighed deeply and looked up at the sky. I say to myself that it hurts. I say so on behalf of all the people who couldn't even say so. ―――That was ten years ago. After that, I was miraculously saved. My body survived. But I think all the other things about me burned up and were reduced to ashes. If you take away a child's parents, home, and all such things, there's nothing left for him. That's why there was only my body. I think it's a simple story. In other words, in order to let my body live… My heart died. ―――――――――I'm dreaming. "――――Huh!?" I squint my eyes at the white light. "So bright", I think. It was just light entering my eyes when I woke up, but I'm not used to it. I probably didn't even understand what the bright light meant. "Huh?" When my eyes focus, I'm surprised. I'm lying on an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. I'm surprised, but the room is so white and clean that I feel safe. "…Where am I?" I look around. The room is big and there are many beds. A person is in each bed, and everyone seems to be hurt.

But nothing feels ill in this room. Everyone who's hurt is someone who was saved. "――――" I relax and let my eyes wander. ――――Outside the window, The bright blue sky was unbelievably beautiful. After a few days, I finally understood. I could clearly remember what had happened in the past few days. Even so, I was no different from a newborn baby. Not just a metaphor, it was close to the truth. Anyway, it was a terrible fire. I had been saved from it, was in the hospital with my body wrapped in bandages, and my parents were gone. I didn't get the situation, but I vaguely understood that I was alone. I think I understood quickly. …Well, there was nothing but children in similar situations around me, so all I could do was absorb the fact. ―――And after that. That man came, right when I was beginning to worry what would happen to me next. He came on the day my bandages were taken off and I was able to eat without help. Wrinkled coat and uncombed hair. The man, a bit younger than the doctor, felt more like a big brother than a father. "Hello. You must be Shirou-kun." A smile that seems to melt into the white sunlight. I think it was a suspicious voice, but a very kind voice. "I'll ask you directly. Which would you prefer? To go to an orphanage, or to be adopted by this man you've never seen before?" That man was saying he could adopt me. When I asked him if he was a relative of mine, he said he was just a stranger.

…He looked like an unreliable guy with no future. But it made no difference, as I knew nothing about either one: him or the orphanage. So I decided to go with him. "I see, that's good. Get ready quickly, then. You should get used to your new place as fast as you can." The guy quickly started packing my stuff. His packing wasn't very good, even in the eyes of a child. Then, after making a big mess… "Oh, I forgot to mention something important. I have to tell you one thing before you come with me. Is that okay?" He turns to me lightheartedly and says, "Yeah. To start off with, I'm a sorcerer." He says it in a serious, exaggerated tone. It happened in an instant. Come to think of it now, I was really a child back then. I automatically believed those words. "―――Wow, you're awesome." I guess I said so with bright eyes. Since that time, I became his child. Actually, I don't remember what I said back then. But my father would always talk about that day. He would remember and retell the story again and again. So for my father, Emiya Kiritsugu, that might have been the happiest day of his life. …So. I guess it was strange for my father to tell me that he was a sorcerer, but I was strange as well for admiring that. And thus, I became an adopted son, and my last name became Emiya. Emiya Shirou.

When I said my name, I was really proud of having the same last name as Kiritsugu. …I'm dreaming. A story from my childhood. It was when I finally convinced my father to make me his student, so it must have been about eight years ago. When I was old enough to stay at home by myself, Kiritsugu started to leave the house on a regular basis. He would say in his normal tone that he would "travel the world", and he began to act on these words. That's how it was after that. It was normal for him to leave the house empty for a month, and he sometimes wouldn't come home for half a year. The Emiya house is a big Japanese-style house, and Kiritsugu and I were the only ones living there. I was perplexed in this house at times, as it was too big for a child. But still, I liked my life here. Emiya Kiritsugu would come home from his journeys and tell me lots of stories like a child. And the child who shared his last name would be at home waiting for those stories. I was always alone in the house, but that loneliness would all fade with the stories he brought back. ―――The father who was always chasing his dreams like a kid. His attitude was astounding, but he always seemed dazzling to me. That might be why I wanted to be like him someday. …Well, on top of that…. Looking at my ever-dreaming father, I felt I should become reliable myself―――― …I hear a sound. I hear a heavy, old, rusty sound as the door opens. Light enters the dark shed. "――――Uh."

My mind, waking up… "Senpai, are you awake?" …Feels the cold air and the approaching footsteps. "…Mm. Good morning, Sakura." "Ah, yes. Good morning, Senpai." Sakura smiles and nods as if accustomed to this situation.

"Senpai, it's morning already. You have some more time, but Fujimura-sensei will get mad if you stay asleep here."

"Oh… you're right. Thanks for coming to wake me up." "It's no problem at all. You're always up so early. I can only come and wake you up like this occasionally." …? Sakura seems more upbeat than usual today as if she's happy about something. "…Really? I think you wake me up quite often. Though, Fuji-Nee always hits me to wake me up, so I'd rather have you wake me up… Well, I'll try harder next time." …I answer her with a sleepy head. I don't know what I'm saying with my mind not fully awake. "All right. But I'm happier when you don't try." Sakura is giggling. …Gah, I guess my head was still dozing and I said something weird. "―――Give me a second, I'll wake up." Taking a deep breath, I clear up my mind. The cold outdoor air helps in situations like this. The chill works well to beat the sleepiness out of my head. …In front of me is Matou Sakura, my junior at school. This place is a shed behind my house, and the time is six o'clock. "…Senpai?" ;//splitted "Yeah, I'm awake now. Sorry, I guess I did it again.[l] I have to help you cook breakfast too."

"It's fine. You were up late last night again, right? So you should take your time in the morning. I'll get breakfast ready." Sakura says so in a happy tone. …It's unusual. Sakura really seems to be in a good mood this morning. "I can't let you do that. I'll get up right now, so let's go to the kitchen together." "All right, I'm all set. Let's go, Sakura." "Ah… um, Senpai…" "Hm? What, is something wrong?" "No, it's nothing, but… I think you should change before you go back to the house." "―――Oh." That said, I look down at myself. I fell asleep while I was working, so I'm still wearing my overalls.

Being my work clothes, they're pretty dirty. I can't imagine what Fuji- Nee would say to me if I went into the house like this.

"Ugh… I guess I'm not awake yet. I'm a bit out of it this morning." "That could be. So you rest here for a bit and I'll take care of breakfast. And you know, if you keep this place a mess, Fujimura-Sensei will get mad at you." "…You're right. I'll go after I get changed. You go on ahead." "Yes, I'll be waiting, Senpai." Sakura leaves. Well. I have to change into my school uniform and clear up this mess. The shed is built on the edge of our yard, and just as it seems, it's a warehouse we put all our junk in. But for me, it's a place of treasures as I've enjoyed messing with things since I was a kid. Father didn't allow me to go into the shed, but I always sneaked in here. As a result, it became my base. For me, Emiya Shirou, I guess you could call this place my real room.

The big Emiya household doesn't suit me, and I can only relax in this space full of junk. "…Besides, it's a waste. Even if it's junk, you can still use it." Most of the things in here are appliances that can't be used any more. Did I bring all the junk in here because I liked the place, or did I come to like it here because of all the junk? Anyway, since I was always sneaking in here, it became my hobby to fix the broken things. It's not like I get attached to things. I think it just annoys me not to use things that can still be used. And just like that, I was fixing up this stove all last night. "…I guess I'll finish this tomorrow. It seems I don't have enough concentration, seeing how I fell asleep halfway." I shake off the feeling of disappointment in myself. I gather up the parts of the stove and put them on the shelf full of things waiting to be fixed. There are no spaces on this shelf full of things awaiting repair. An old VCR awaits after the stove. …I guess I'll ignore the fact that Fuji-Nee broke both of them. "…All right." I change into my uniform. This place is like my room, and it holds changes of clothes along with other things I need. It also has lots of blueprints and junk, the result of failures from when I do my training. There's also some kind of old design inscribed on the floor, like an altar or something. "―――Well, let's get today started." Clapping my hands in prayer to the shed, I head for the house. I emerge from the shed. The Emiya house is a Japanese-style house on the outskirts of town. My father wasn't much of a respected person in town, but he somehow still had this huge house.

That on its own is a mystery, but it also seems he didn't have any relatives in Japan. That's why the house became mine and no one else's when my father died. Though, to be honest, I don't have that kind of management ability. Old Man Fujimura is in charge of complicated things like inheritance and property taxes. Old Man Fujimura is the big landlord in this neighborhood. According to Father, "the old man's like a yakuza boss". Of course, this is just prejudice. He's not "like" a yakuza boss, he "is" a yakuza boss. "……" Well, that's a problem in itself, but I prefer to ignore it. It's certainly true that he's energetic and scary, but he's actually not that bad a person. It really helps me as he pays a lot when I tune-up the motorcycle he likes to ride. Anyway, that's why I'm the only one living in this big house. It's been five years since Father died. The days have passed quickly. I sigh, thinking about how much I've grown in those five years. I've trained every day to be like Kiritsugu, but it's not that easy in reality. It's natural because I had no talent to begin with, but what can be said about having no improvement at all in five years? To sum up the present in one sentence, my goal is so far away that I'm not even at the starting line yet. "―――――――" No, I guess it won't do any good to rush. For now, I have to do what I can. Well then. Right now, I should go and finish my daily routine. The Emiya house has a big dojo.

It was built when the house was built. It was only intended as a hobby, so the dojo wasn't built for any particular purpose. "――――Well." I'll warm up a bit before breakfast. I'm not really studying martial arts, but since Father told me "if you want to be like me, you'll have to train your body first", it became my daily routine to work out. "…Ninety-nine, one hundred…" I finish my routine sit-ups and change out of my gi into my uniform. I slept in this morning, so I cut short of my workout. Some sit-ups with no stretching should be enough. I'm not the kind to build up a lot of muscle, and it's not like I want to get into a fight. All I need is enough athletic ability to handle sudden accidents, and to move as I wish when I have to. After all, the thing I want to become is the complete opposite of an athlete. "…Oh, this late already?" I put the sweaty gi into the laundry basket. It's 6:20. In our house, even this is a late time for breakfast. Breakfast is already prepared.

[littlemaggpie]

i made a somewhat popular post featuring a steven universe character and the thing is that it has themes of christianity cuz it was a joke and i realised i accidently posted it during easter cuz for us easter is next week or something happy accidental easter to everyone else 😭

Well the interesting thing is that by going off by the all the events and symbolism of the show, it's technically implied that Steven Universe is the Messiah. Or the second one, if you were to suggest Jesus of Nazareth also lived during the same timeline. Besides the already parallels drawn between their personalities (selfless, kind, hopeful), them being conceived by a divine being and a mortal, and their abilities to heal, Steven also borrows a large amount of patterns from Jesus' own arc: forming long lasting friendships with people after saving them and having them turn into their disciples (ex: Connie in "Bubble Buddies"; she could be considered a disciple metaphorically- Mary Magdalene in Luke 8:2 and Mark 16:9), curing people of blindness (Connie in "An indirect kiss" - The healing of the blind man in John 9:1-11), fleeding from their caregivers and proving to know an impressive amount of knowledge about the divine at a young age, while at the same time often leaving said caretakers in confusion or disbelief (Steven during "Rose's Scabard", "Mirror Gem" & "Warp Tour", 12 year old Jesus in Luke 2:41-52), being disrespectful towards authority (the vast majority of Homeworld episodes with Steven in them - Jesus in Matthew 21:12-13, John 2:15 and Mark 11:15), performing miracles on the sick and poor (or "corrupted" in Steven's case, and dying before a handful of his disciples and ressurecting right in front of one of his dearest disciples/friends. And don't even get me started with the "Three Gems and a baby" episode...

[votestaynight2]

1st Day - One day (I) (Scene 1)

Time to start Heaven's Feel! I am going to be putting the polls up as before, but that is just for consistency. I am going to be picking the choices myself until day 3 when we are locked in to the correct route.

―――――When I came to, I was in a burning field.

I guess there was a big fire. The familiar town had turned to ashes and it looked like the remains of a battlefield from a movie. ―――But that didn't last long either. The fire had died down by the time the sun rose. The tall wall of flame had shortened, and most of the buildings had fallen.

…It felt strange, being the only thing in that place that still had its original form. I was the only one still alive around here. I must have been really lucky, or my house was built in a very lucky spot. I don't know which it was, but the point is, I was the only one left alive.

I felt that since I survived, I should live on. I started walking aimlessly, because I thought it would be dangerous just to stay there. I wasn't really concerned about getting burned up like the people lying around me. …Probably because, over and above not wanting to be like them, I had a stronger feeling in my mind.

But still, I had no hope. It was already a wonder I was still alive, so I couldn't expect to be saved. I won't survive. Whatever happens, I won't be able to escape from this red world. It was such an absolute hell that even a small child could understand it.

And I collapsed. Was it because there was no air? Was it because no function was left in my body? Anyway, I collapsed and stared up at the clouded sky.

Everything around me was burned up and I could see many shriveled people. The dark clouds loomed overhead, telling me it would rain soon. …That's good. The fire will be put out once it rains.

In the end, I sighed deeply and looked up at the sky. I say to myself that it hurts. I say so on behalf of all the people who couldn't even say so.

―――That was ten years ago. After that, I was miraculously saved. My body survived. But I think all the other things about me burned up and were reduced to ashes.

If you take away a child's parents, home, and all such things, there's nothing left for him. That's why there was only my body. I think it's a simple story. In other words, in order to let my body live… My heart died.

―――――――――I'm dreaming.

"――――Huh!?" I squint my eyes at the white light. "So bright", I think. It was just light entering my eyes when I woke up, but I'm not used to it. I probably didn't even understand what the bright light meant.

"Huh?" When my eyes focus, I'm surprised. I'm lying on an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. I'm surprised, but the room is so white and clean that I feel safe.

"…Where am I?" I look around. The room is big and there are many beds. A person is in each bed, and everyone seems to be hurt.

But nothing feels ill in this room. Everyone who's hurt is someone who was saved. "――――" I relax and let my eyes wander.

――――Outside the window, The bright blue sky was unbelievably beautiful.

After a few days, I finally understood. I could clearly remember what had happened in the past few days. Even so, I was no different from a newborn baby. Not just a metaphor, it was close to the truth.

Anyway, it was a terrible fire. I had been saved from it, was in the hospital with my body wrapped in bandages, and my parents were gone. I didn't get the situation, but I vaguely understood that I was alone. I think I understood quickly. …Well, there was nothing but children in similar situations around me, so all I could do was absorb the fact.

―――And after that. That man came, right when I was beginning to worry what would happen to me next.

He came on the day my bandages were taken off and I was able to eat without help. Wrinkled coat and uncombed hair. The man, a bit younger than the doctor, felt more like a big brother than a father.

"Hello. You must be Shirou-kun." A smile that seems to melt into the white sunlight. I think it was a suspicious voice, but a very kind voice.

"I'll ask you directly. Which would you prefer? To go to an orphanage, or to be adopted by this man you've never seen before?" That man was saying he could adopt me. When I asked him if he was a relative of mine, he said he was just a stranger. …He looked like an unreliable guy with no future. But it made no difference, as I knew nothing about either one: him or the orphanage. So I decided to go with him.

"I see, that's good. Get ready quickly, then. You should get used to your new place as fast as you can." The guy quickly started packing my stuff. His packing wasn't very good, even in the eyes of a child. Then, after making a big mess…

"Oh, I forgot to mention something important. I have to tell you one thing before you come with me. Is that okay?" He turns to me lightheartedly and says, "Yeah. To start off with, I'm a sorcerer." He says it in a serious, exaggerated tone.

It happened in an instant. Come to think of it now, I was really a child back then. I automatically believed those words. "―――Wow, you're awesome." I guess I said so with bright eyes.

Since that time, I became his child. Actually, I don't remember what I said back then. But my father would always talk about that day. He would remember and retell the story again and again. So for my father, Emiya Kiritsugu, that might have been the happiest day of his life.

…So. I guess it was strange for my father to tell me that he was a sorcerer, but I was strange as well for admiring that. And thus, I became an adopted son, and my last name became Emiya. Emiya Shirou. When I said my name, I was really proud of having the same last name as Kiritsugu.

…I'm dreaming.

A story from my childhood. It was when I finally convinced my father to make me his student, so it must have been about eight years ago.

When I was old enough to stay at home by myself, Kiritsugu started to leave the house on a regular basis. He would say in his normal tone that he would "travel the world", and he began to act on these words.

That's how it was after that. It was normal for him to leave the house empty for a month, and he sometimes wouldn't come home for half a year. The Emiya house is a big Japanese-style house, and Kiritsugu and I were the only ones living there. I was perplexed in this house at times, as it was too big for a child.

But still, I liked my life here. Emiya Kiritsugu would come home from his journeys and tell me lots of stories like a child. And the child who shared his last name would be at home waiting for those stories. I was always alone in the house, but that loneliness would all fade with the stories he brought back.

―――The father who was always chasing his dreams like a kid. His attitude was astounding, but he always seemed dazzling to me. That might be why I wanted to be like him someday.

…Well, on top of that…. Looking at my ever-dreaming father, I felt I should become reliable myself――――

…I hear a sound. I hear a heavy, old, rusty sound as the door opens.

Light enters the dark shed. "――――Uh." My mind, waking up… "Senpai, are you awake?" …Feels the cold air and the approaching footsteps.

"…Mm. Good morning, Sakura." "Ah, yes. Good morning, Senpai." Sakura smiles and nods as if accustomed to this situation.

"Senpai, it's morning already. You have some more time, but Fujimura-Sensei will get mad if you stay asleep here."

"Oh… you're right. Thanks for coming to wake me up."

"It's no problem at all. You're always up so early. I can only come and wake you up like this occasionally." …? Sakura seems more upbeat than usual today as if she's happy about something.

"…Really? I think you wake me up quite often. Though, Fuji-Nee always hits me to wake me up, so I'd rather have you wake me up… Well, I'll try harder next time."

…I answer her with a sleepy head. I don't know what I'm saying with my mind not fully awake.

"All right. But I'm happier when you don't try." Sakura is giggling. …Gah, I guess my head was still dozing and I said something weird.

"―――Give me a second, I'll wake up."

Taking a deep breath, I clear up my mind. The cold outdoor air helps in situations like this. The chill works well to beat the sleepiness out of my head.

…In front of me is Matou Sakura, my junior at school. This place is a shed behind my house, and the time is six o'clock.

"…Senpai?" ;//splitted "Yeah, I'm awake now. Sorry, I guess I did it again.[l] I have to help you cook breakfast too." "It's fine. You were up late last night again, right? So you should take your time in the morning. I'll get breakfast ready."

Sakura says so in a happy tone. …It's unusual. Sakura really seems to be in a good mood this morning.

"I can't let you do that. I'll get up right now, so let's go to the kitchen together."

"All right, I'm all set. Let's go, Sakura." "Ah… um, Senpai…" "Hm? What, is something wrong?" "No, it's nothing, but… I think you should change before you go back to the house."

"―――Oh." That said, I look down at myself. I fell asleep while I was working, so I'm still wearing my overalls. Being my work clothes, they're pretty dirty. I can't imagine what Fuji-Nee would say to me if I went into the house like this.

"Ugh… I guess I'm not awake yet. I'm a bit out of it this morning." "That could be. So you rest here for a bit and I'll take care of breakfast. And you know, if you keep this place a mess, Fujimura-Sensei will get mad at you."

"…You're right. I'll go after I get changed. You go on ahead." "Yes, I'll be waiting, Senpai."

Sakura leaves. Well. I have to change into my school uniform and clear up this mess.

The shed is built on the edge of our yard, and just as it seems, it's a warehouse we put all our junk in. But for me, it's a place of treasures as I've enjoyed messing with things since I was a kid.

Father didn't allow me to go into the shed, but I always sneaked in here. As a result, it became my base. For me, Emiya Shirou, I guess you could call this place my real room. The big Emiya household doesn't suit me, and I can only relax in this space full of junk.

"…Besides, it's a waste. Even if it's junk, you can still use it." Most of the things in here are appliances that can't be used any more.

Did I bring all the junk in here because I liked the place, or did I come to like it here because of all the junk? Anyway, since I was always sneaking in here, it became my hobby to fix the broken things.

It's not like I get attached to things. I think it just annoys me not to use things that can still be used. And just like that, I was fixing up this stove all last night.

"…I guess I'll finish this tomorrow. It seems I don't have enough concentration, seeing how I fell asleep halfway." I shake off the feeling of disappointment in myself. I gather up the parts of the stove and put them on the shelf full of things waiting to be fixed.

There are no spaces on this shelf full of things awaiting repair. An old VCR awaits after the stove. …I guess I'll ignore the fact that Fuji-Nee broke both of them.

"…All right." I change into my uniform. This place is like my room, and it holds changes of clothes along with other things I need.

It also has lots of blueprints and junk, the result of failures from when I do my training. There's also some kind of old design inscribed on the floor, like an altar or something.

"―――Well, let's get today started." Clapping my hands in prayer to the shed, I head for the house.

I emerge from the shed. The Emiya house is a Japanese-style house on the outskirts of town. My father wasn't much of a respected person in town, but he somehow still had this huge house. That on its own is a mystery, but it also seems he didn't have any relatives in Japan. That's why the house became mine and no one else's when my father died.

Though, to be honest, I don't have that kind of management ability. Old Man Fujimura is in charge of complicated things like inheritance and property taxes.

Old Man Fujimura is the big landlord in this neighborhood. According to Father, "the old man's like a yakuza boss". Of course, this is just prejudice. He's not "like" a yakuza boss, he "is" a yakuza boss.

"……" Well, that's a problem in itself, but I prefer to ignore it.

It's certainly true that he's energetic and scary, but he's actually not that bad a person. It really helps me as he pays a lot when I tune-up the motorcycle he likes to ride.

Anyway, that's why I'm the only one living in this big house. It's been five years since Father died. The days have passed quickly. I sigh, thinking about how much I've grown in those five years.

I've trained every day to be like Kiritsugu, but it's not that easy in reality. It's natural because I had no talent to begin with, but what can be said about having no improvement at all in five years? To sum up the present in one sentence, my goal is so far away that I'm not even at the starting line yet.

"―――――――" No, I guess it won't do any good to rush. For now, I have to do what I can.

Well then. Right now, I should――――

[pyrriae]

It reminds me, horribly, of that nasty shit evangelicals try to pedal about the pain of childbirth, the ingrained shame and pain and fucking inconvenience of menstruation being "womankinds'* just desserts for Eve eating the apple."

Like that at all matters. Like that has any fucking relevance. Like some chucklefucks' religious beliefs should have ANY fucking sway over whether or not people have to suffer.

I have to wonder, though. A lot of the comparisons provided above — those have been researched to death and back, pardon my hyperbole. The people that will have those procedures, those are the ones that society protects. The people who experience that pain don't deserve it. The history of contraception is fraught, I realize. Even now. But there's a reason it isn't standard practice to numb for IUDs, why birth control hasn't been reformulated with fewer side effects and more effective.

At 19 I decided to get an IUD since I could never actually stay on track with birth control pills and periods bring me acute physical and mental distress. I'm sure you know where this is going.

Listen, I'm no stranger to pain. At that point in my life, I was already familiar with both the pain that dogs your every step like a shadow and the type that seems to grab you like a vice in an unending moment before it suddenly stops. I've gotten more familiar since. I'm very good at handling my pain, at compartmentalizing. I broke a toe once and ignored it till it healed.

The gynecologist said it wasn't likely to be that bad. The same pinch metaphors you read above. He said that I should probably take an ibuprofen beforehand and he'd give me a shot beforehand I wanted. I can't remember what it was, lidocaine maybe? Small and in the arm.

I was undaunted. Maybe even excited. I cracked a joke and got laughs. He got down to business, before saying something like, "okay, here's the pinch."

The pain was so awful I cannot even remember the exact moment the IUD was implanted. I don't know if I made a sound, I could hardly hear and certainly couldn't breathe. My brain, what wasn't desperately firing off signals like a gun salute, was busy going something is wrong, something has gone terribly wrong, make it stop this is the worst thing I have ever felt for what felt like hours but was probably 30 seconds. It felt like the pain started at a ten and then somehow managed to go up. I kept expecting my gynecologist to say what had went wrong, clearly something must have, surely that level of pain isn't normal, isn't common. Even then I was hoping no one else had ever felt like that. The societal ingrained pressure that pain isn't common and even if it is, you deserve it.

He said, "all right, all done." Or something to that effect, you can expect my memory was hazy. The world was hazy. I put my clothes back on and my mom drove me home, and during that ride I felt the worst cramps of my life.

And I've since called it one of the best decisions I've ever made, but that doesn't wash away the pain. A family member later told me that the removal process hurts worse and my blood ran cold.

I went back for a follow-up appointment the next year. The doctor said that the device that I have was actually approved for up to seven years. I was elated. For scads of reasons: longer to go before feeling vulnerable again, longer without periods, less money spent.

But it was knowing that I could run from that horrible pain longer that brought me the most relief.

That's fucked up, right?

I am so fucking glad there are people like emi--rose above that will save people from this. I am so beyond thankful that there are people joining this field that look out for people like us. I would do it again, take that pain if I had to. But I love knowing that I don't, actually.

*womankind here is the type of lingo that people who think like this tend to use. I understand that this issue effects everyone who so much as has the relevant parts, as I am in fact, trans. My doctor even misgendered me, so like, bonus pain.

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

[dilemmaontwolegs]

OLLIE OLLIE OLLIE !! Hey ! How are you ?? I’ve had an idea and I’m gonna burst if I don’t share it . So Bucky , any AU Bucky would do but maybe Mafia !? Where Bucky is a fuckboy , sleeping with a different girl , sometimes more than one , every night , always walking around with a girl on his arm and making out with them even when he’s handling business . But then he meets you … he stops sleeping around and does everything in his power to win you over . And everyone is dumbfounded seeing the notorious mob boss and womanizer having puppy eyes for a girl that’s seemingly so unlike him and so different from all the girls they’ve seen him with before . And then you’re the only girl he’s kissing and having on his lap in public ! I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I thought you might like the idea !! Have a great day

I’ve spent too much time in Australia because I immediately wanted to chant back Oi!!! Oi!!! Oi!!! 😂

Been a while since I wrote for mafia! Bucky, thanks for the request!

Obsidian Nights || mafia!Bucky

Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, mentions of sex, sexual themes, fluffiness WC: 3.3k

bucky masterlist

Every night was the same for Bucky, like Groundhog Day but involving a lot more sex. His bedroom door may as well have been revolving the way he worked himself through every single lady in New York. There was a rolling joke that Bucky checked women's names off his list faster than Lou Bega in Mambo No.5. His youth passed in blurr of unfamiliar faces waking up next to him with the hopes of another night together but they never came. 

Bucky was certain he was living his best life and happy riding his metaphorical merry-go-round each night in Club Obsidian. He was certain he would never fall for the greatest trick of all time - monogamy. He was absolutely certain, until he locked eyes with an angel. You shook him to his core, made him question his beliefs, your innocence attracting him like a moth to a flame.

“Steve, who’s that?” Bucky asked as he nudged away the woman who had been sitting on his lap waiting until he was ready to leave and take her with him.

Steve shook his head as yet another woman caught his best friend's eye and turned in his seat to follow his gaze. “Not a clue, pal, but she’s not your type anyway. She looks like a good girl.”

Bucky downed his drink and rose from the VIP table, ignoring the hands that trailed his body as he walked through the crowd towards the bar. He couldn’t deny what Steve said, you were everything Bucky had avoided; a kind smile, shy eyes and a dress that, however beautiful on you, covered far too much skin. 

“Are you lost, doll?” Bucky leant in and asked, a quiet squeak of fright escaping as you stepped back. His stomach knotted at the sweet sound and his heart rate spiked as he followed your step with a teasing smile that disarmed you. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Let me get you a drink.”

“I don’t drink.” You answered, finally finding your voice after staring at his eyes for too long, the blue seeming to be too iridescent for the dark club. Over the handsome strangers shoulder you spotted your friends who had invited you, their attempts at getting you out of your apartment finally working, and you waved to get their attention. “Thanks for the offer.”

You ducked out before he got a chance to reply, his frown deepening as he felt his first rejection in years. Immediately you noticed how excited your friends were as they pulled you into a close circle.

“Holy shit! You were talking to the one and only Bucky Barnes.” Your roommate Nat gushed as your friends all sighed longingly.

You looked over your shoulder but he had disappeared into the crowd, no doubt off to find another woman to buy a drink for. “It was nothing.”

“I wouldn’t call that nothing.” Nat scoffed knowingly as a regular patron of the club. “He barely leaves his Ivory Tower in the VIP section, he must have thought something of you to descend among the commoners.”

“Jesus, you make him sound like a King.” You laughed as waved off her silliness but found the others nodding seriously. 

Nat leant in and whispered in your ear, a shiver running down your spine. “Word is his family runs the mob.” 

You looked around inconspicuously and froze as you caught sight of him standing at the edge of the VIP section, gripping the metal railing as he scanned the crowd and stopped at you. A smile played at his full lips and the strobe lights illuminated his sharp cheekbones as he stood up a little straighter and ran his tongue over his bottom lip hungrily. 

The air of dominance, the tailored suit, the glint of a diamond encrusted rolex on his left wrist - you stepped back and shook your head. “I just wanted a nice night out and you brought me to a bloody mob hangout?” 

“This is Brooklyn.” Nat pointed out with a laugh. “They practically own everything.”

Your fingers twirled your bracelet around your wrist and you snuck another glance to the VIP area but Bucky was nowhere to be seen. You weren’t quite sure if the feeling in your stomach was from relief or disappointment but you put it from your mind as your friends dragged you to the bar to order some drinks. Your mocktail looked delicious as you handed some cash over the bar but the bartender gave it back with a shake of his head.

“Courtesy of Mr Barnes.” 

“Oh, that’s not necessary.” You said, trying and failing once again to pay before tucking it back in your clutch. 

“If the big guy wants to pay, I say let him.” Nat said as she clinked her glass with yours. “You could do with a little male attention. Dust out the cobwebs, have some fun.”

“I have no interest in being another notch in a belt.” You laughed, taking a sip of the fruity drink. “Thanks for your concern but I am quite happy-” 

“Running up the electricity bill every night with your wand?” She teased before choking on her drink. “Um, I’m going to go check out the dance floor.”

She darted into the crowd quickly with her agile steps and disappeared as you were left along to question what had just happened. The answer came in the form of a hand on your lower back and you turned to see a pair of bright blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Here I was thinking you were a good girl.” Bucky chuckled, his thumb rubbing over your spine in time to the music. “But this is so much better.”

“Isn’t there anyone else for you to bother?” You sighed, unintentionally piquing his interest even more.

He looked over the crowd, a dozen women openly undressing him with their eyes but he felt nothing for them. “Sure, but there’s really no fun in that.”

You rolled your eyes, forgetting for a moment who it was you were talking to. “Lucky me.” 

The pressure on your back increased as he stepped closer and it was either take a step and let him lead you where he wanted or have his body flush with yours. It was a tough choice but you let him walk you to the VIP area, the velvet rope being opened for you by a sinister looking man with a gun on his hip. Bucky paused to talk to the bouncer at the bottom of the steps and pointed out your friends on the dancer.

“Get them a table and service on my tab.”

You stopped in your tracks and turned on Bucky, taking the high ground and using it to bolster your confidence. “You do realise that dropping money isn’t going to make me sleep with you.”

“It’s cute that you think that is dropping money.” He teased as he stepped up so he was eye to eye with you. “Tomorrow, 6 o’clock.”

Your jaw dropped and you blinked dumbly as you waited for the punchline that never came. “Excuse me?”

“Have dinner with me.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought but you did you best to hide your surprise. “I get the feeling that’s not a question.”

He tipped his head to the side and you would have said it was cute if it wasn’t for the cocky smirk on his face. “I get the feeling you would say no if it was.”

“God forbid anyone say no to you.” You said as you failed to hide the smile growing on your face. “Fine, but I’m choosing the restaurant.”

“Deal. Seal it with a kiss?”

You couldn’t help laughing at his confidence and you leant in to press a chaste kiss to his cheek, the sly mobster seeing your intention and turning his head at the last moment so your lips connected with his. Every nerve ending in your body electrified at the touch and you were lost in the sensation of his soft lips as his hands curved around your waist.

“That was very sneaky.” You pointed out as you regained your senses and remembered where you were, ignoring the part of you that wanted nothing more than to taste his lips again.

He ran the back of his knuckles gently over your cheek, his eyes tracing your lips. “You don’t get anywhere in life without a few risks.”

Nat was barely waking up when you were getting ready for your dinner date, her moans and groans echoing through the apartment as she dragged herself from her bed to raid the food cabinets to ease her hangover.

“Why are you getting all dolled up?” She asked, pressing a cool bottle of water to her pounding forehead. 

“You don’t remember anything from last night?” You chided as you tossed her a bag of crisps. “You probably bankrupted Bucky with the drinks you were ordering.”

She frowned as she tried to remember the details of the night, finally gasping as she pointed at you. “Holy shit! You and Bucky! You were getting awfully friendly at his table. Did he drive us home?”

“Well, technically his driver did.” You corrected as the apartment buzzer sounded. “And that is probably him now. Don’t forget to rehydrate and I’ll see you tonight. Love you.”

She groaned in response as she dropped her head to the table and buried her hand in the packet. “You too, stay safe, use protection.”

“What do you mean you’re going on a date?” Steve laughed through the phone. “With the teetotal good girl?”

“Her name is Y/N.” Bucky growled as his driver pulled up to the apartment he had stopped by the night before, when he helped you carry your half conscious roommate inside. “Were you calling for a reason or just to bust my balls?”

“Nah forget it, it’s nothing urgent.” Steve chuckled. “You have fun while I console all the sad and lonely women, mourning the loss of James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Shut up.” Bucky laughed. “I’m going on a date, I’m not getting married.”

“Yet…but this is how it begins.”

Bucky hung up the phone as Steve hummed the tune to ‘Here Comes the Bride’, the teasing thankfully not enough to ruin his mood as the car came to a stop. He had memorised your apartment number and quickly hit the buzzer beside the door, noting your last name on the little tag. He couldn’t stop fiddling with his cufflinks or decide whether he looked too formal with his starched dress shirt buttoned to his neck, a wave of disconcertion he wasn’t used to washing over him as he tugged at his neckline and unbuttoned the top before he suffocated.

“Oh, wow. You look…” You were lost for words as you stepped out of your building to find Bucky waiting in a full suit, his hair slicked back and his eyes taking in your far more casual appearance. “Over dressed.”

You giggled as he looked appalled at the idea but he closed his mouth when you stepped closer and opened another button so you could see the gold chain hanging around his neck. Next you grabbed his suit jacket that was already unbuttoned and eased it off his shoulders before folding it up.

“Roll your sleeves up.” You ordered as you messed his perfectly styled hair up and stepped back to see the result. “Not half bad.”

“Who needs self esteem anyway?” He winked, doing a turn that was worthy enough for a runway model at a Milan fashion event. “So, judging by this high end street fashion, you haven’t chosen a restaurant I would have heard of.”

“You gave me the VIP treatment last night, it’s time to return the favour.”

His eyes narrowed at your evasive tone but he didn’t question you as he led the way to the car, opening your door before walking around. You had already told his driver where to go when he slid in beside you, even more curious than before.

“It’s not often that I’m the last to know what’s happening.” He said as he took your hand, the thick signet ring on his finger warm to the touch.

“Just relax, I promise this will be the best cuisine money can buy.”

He looked doubtful as he watched the streets roll by until his driver came to a stop outside a busy underground parking lot.

“Come on.” You enticed him with a curled finger as you opened the door. “There’s no valet here.”

He followed you into the cordoned off parking lot, the aroma of food drifting up from the ramp to the next level down.

“There’s a restaurant in a basement?” He asked with confusion and doubt.

“Not quite.” You smirked, the full sight of the night market spread far and wide, dozens of food trucks all lined up with their music and food creating a bustling atmosphere. “If it makes you feel better, I’ve never once got food poisoning from eating here.”

“That’s really just super comforting.” He laughed and shook his head. “Where do we begin?”

You were absolutely stuffed by the time you made it around all the stalls, Bucky indulging you both in almost every type of food they had to offer. You had collapsed onto a picnic table as you waited for your food to settle and found Bucky watching you with a reserved reverence.

“What?” You asked as his smile grew.

“Nothing,” he grinned, “it’s just, this is the best date I’ve ever been on and it was completely unexpected.”

“I suppose I’ll be just as surprised next weekend when it’s your turn to choose.”

“If you think I’m going to wait a week before I see you again, you’re crazy.” He said as he shuffled closer and straddled the bench seat.

You swung your leg over the bench so you were mirroring him. “Tomorrow, 6 o’clock.”

“Deal. Seal it with a kiss?”

“I feel like I never see you anymore.” Nat pouted as you flattened out a crinkle on the dress Bucky had bought for you.

“You could always come with us?” You offered but she shook her head. “I thought you liked his club?”

“I do but no thanks, I’m still recovering from the last hangover.” She complained. “Maybe next month. God, I sound old.”

You gasped and reached for her curly red hair. “Is that a grey hair?”

“Shut up.” She slapped your hand away and even though she knew you were kidding she had to go to the bathroom mirror to check. “Ha, knew it, now get out of here.”

It was one of the rare nights that Bucky wasn’t able to pick you up and it felt strange riding in the back seat of his Bentley all alone. At least when you arrived at Obsidian you were able to walk straight in and not have to join the long queue snaking around the building and off down the street.

The club was absolutely packed but nothing could get in the way of spotting Bucky. His ringed hand was resting on the rail as he looked over his kingdom, life flooding into his cold eyes when he spotted you. He met you halfway, his bright smile reaching his eyes as his hands caught your hips and pulled you in.

“Hi beautiful.” He greeted, his hands spreading across your back until one caught the nape of your neck. “You like to torture me, don’t you?”

You opened your lips to answer but it was swallowed by his kiss that melted you into his embrace. The intense feelings that had been building between you were raging in your body, the need to have him completely leaving your core throbbing. But it was his idea to take things slow, not that you argued, you both wanted this to be special and not just another lost lover between his satin sheets.

“This isn’t a walk in the park for me either.” You admitted as you played with the stiff lapels of his pinstripe suit.

“Your poor wand must be working overtime.” He teased, earning a soft slap to his chest.

“That was so embarrassing.” You muttered as you looked away and cringed only for him to catch your chin and turn you back.

“Why? I find it sexy as hell.” He bit his lip and pressed his hips into yours, showing you exactly the effect you had on him. His voice dropped even deeper as his lips brushed below your ear. “Been imagining the things you’re doing late at night when I’m not there.”

Your heart rate spiked and you sucked in a lungful of air as he kissed his way down your neck to your collarbone, a trail of goosebump left in his wake. “Bucky? How important is it that we are here tonight?”

He groaned as he spotted the very businessman who was hoping to buy Bucky’s protection from a rival family. “Hold that thought for five minutes, doll.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” You kissed his cheek and headed to the VIP area where you wouldn’t be bundled about in the crowd.

“Drink?” Steve offered as he sidled up beside you before smirking. “Oh wait, you don’t drink, right? No drinking, no sex - what does my boy see in you…”

“I don’t think that it’s any of your business.” You said, turning to face Bucky’s best friend. “And I’d like to keep it that way.”

You caught movement at the stairs and found your boyfriend passing the velvet rope so you pushed off from the bar and paused at Steve’s broad chest to look up at him. “Just for the record, you don’t seem to be having such a bad time rolling in his leftovers. Maybe that’s where your focus should be and not worrying about what I may or may not be doing with Bucky.”

“Hey, doll, ready to get outta here?” Bucky asked, his mind filled with thoughts of you and completely oblivious to the tension.

You stepped into his open arm with an eager smile. “How about we go back to your place tonight? Wouldn’t want to keep Nat up.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up his forehead and he shoved his beer up to his lips before he made a remark that would keep him on your bad side.

“You sure?” Bucky asked quietly.

You nodded, absolutely certain you wanted to take your relationship with him to the next level, but you couldn’t help a little teasing along the way. “I’m sure…we just might have to burn your mattress first. God knows what filth a black light would find on it.”

“Way ahead of you baby. I bought a new one weeks ago.” He said proudly, punching Steve in the shoulder with a laugh when he pretended to whip the air behind Bucky. “Fuck off, punk.”

— —

“So this is the best money can buy.” You moaned as you floated on cloud 9, the mattress the most comfortable thing you had ever laid on before. “It’s amazing.”

“Only the best for my girl.” Bucky chuckled as he flopped down beside you.

Rolling over to rest your chin on his chest and look him dead in the eyes. “As long as I’m the only girl in this bed.”

His lips curled up into a panty dropping smile and his arms encircled you to pull you over his body. “You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met, the only one I ever want in this bed.”

Your stomach tightened at his promise and you pushed yourself up so you were left straddling his hips, your desire driving your hips to roll and increase the friction between you. “Then how about we break this bad boy in?”

[opineonion]

Chae Yul: He had it coming... Or did he?

Warning: mild spoilers, disorganized thoughts, a bit of a rant-ish, flowery essay because I can only speak in metaphors, talks on who deserves redemption and who doesn’t.

--

Just finished Secret Alliance, and as someone who needs conversation after a satisfying, cathartic read, I decided to head to the manwha’s trailer to look at the comments, and, to no one’s surprise, saw a crowd of readers with divisive opinions (I always love this. It means the story was provoking enough to inspire different insights.) Of course, when you have a tragic, pretty boy with a murderous streak, you’d get an interesting crowd, and I found it quite easily. This crowd was divided between two factions— one that sympathized and exonerated Chae Yul from his actions, and the one who believed that he had everything coming to him. 

Personally, I’m part of the latter. 

Legally speaking, he committed criminal acts against Eun that deserved to be penalized. In fact, he was extremely lucky that she didn’t press any charges at all, that much I can agree with. The fate he received in the end was much more benign than what he was setting himself up for; but, at the same time, I’m happy that he was given that chance for redemption. To carry the burden of guilt, regret, and remorse is the punishment of those who sobered from delusion, as they will carry sins of their former selves with them for the rest of their lives.

Obviously, I sympathized a lot with Yul, but to sympathize doesn’t mean to exonerate one from their actions. As I read through the story, I wasn’t hoping for a happy ending. In fact, I felt dread each time he dug a deeper hole for himself. (You could even say that he was already deep inside it before the story even began.) I was half-expecting that he’d end up behind bars, or dead. It’s how a lot of yandere stories would end, as if stamping the message on our heads that people who are this far gone do not deserve to carry on as they are. How would you even hope to redeem a character like Chae Yul? Sad backstory aside, does his character deserve to be redeemed? 

I think that a chance for redemption comes when a character could have chosen the path that their circumstances molded them to be, but instead chose the one that allowed the first step to break away from that mold. (Arguably, Chae Yul was halfway down the first path, but sobered by Eun’s harsh reality check where he no longer had a place in her life, he was allowed a glimpse of the other path through the brambles, and he chose to tear his way through to get on the other side.) The more his past was divulged, the more I wished that he had a better “everything” before his nosedive in the story. Chae Yul was just a product of his circumstances. Mocked and objectified for his beauty (Why is conventional feminine beauty somehow always objectified... deserves another mini essay methinks), resented by his father who likely mistreated him because he lacked the masculinity he expected from a son he sired, he turned up bitter and resentful without a single ounce of faith in the world that had done nothing but consume what it desired of him only to spit him out right after.

It came as no surprise that he clung onto the first person who saw him as a human being, something other than an amalgamation. It also came as no surprise that without anyone to derive any form of healthy attachment from (My god, everyone either mocked him, or wanted to get rid of him or defile him), all he knew was that he’d be hard-pressed to release who he thought was the only person who could ever see him for who he could be behind his face. 

Cue the stalking, gaslighting, and blackmailing, and the terrible, no good, terrorizing of Eun. 

And yet, two years later, he was able to let go. Even though his heart “shattered to a million pieces, the sun still rose the next morning and he was still breathing.” When he realized that he no longer had a place in Eun’s life, the one person who his life revolved around, he pieced himself back together, perhaps alone, perhaps slightly cushioned by his tentative reconciliation with his sister. Drifting in space with nothing but the sobering pain of his heartbreak, he chose to honor Eun’s wishes and made himself scarce in her life, living the life she decided to spare instead of end in court trial that Yul would have lost. It’s true that he was a cruel, selfish, delusional egomaniac who terrorized Eun for most of her adolescent and young adult years with the sad hope of keeping her in his life. But, in time, he accepted the grave error of his ways—carrying with this the pain of knowing that he had hurt the only person he would ever love, the pain that he was a monster—and he would wear this truth around his neck as he presses forward. 

Did he deserve this ending? I believe he does. Does he deserve something worse? I believe he does so as well. What made the difference is that he chose to end it before it got worse. He chose to own up to his mistakes, and he so he lived by its consequences. He chose to carry his love for Eun as penance, afraid to ever forget her, and enacting it by leaving it unrealized. Perhaps without even knowing it, he’s performed his first pure act of love, a feat given that he was never spared some of it for even just a bit. 

[marvelsbanner]

Body, Mind, and Soul

Prompt: there simply needs to be more vision fic out there🥺 may i request a cute one where you've been going out for a while but the big L word hasn't been said yet and vis is just.. trying his best to tell you but doesn't know how🥺🥺 he's just so cute like that😭❤️ kissy i love ur stuff

Pairing: Vision x reader

Warnings: Slight language, tooth rotting fluff - beware of cavities 

Word Count: ~1700

A/n: Reblogs, likes, and feedback are very much appreciated! <3 All mistakes are my own! 

**I do not own marvel, sadly** **not my gif**

“Darling, may I speak with you for a moment?”

Vision phased through your walls to where you were sitting on your bed reading. Months ago you would have jumped straight out of your bones, startled by the synthezoid’s intrusion and lack of personal boundaries. In all honestly, it was no sooner after you had explained the concept of privacy and simple manners to Vision that you had come to look forward to his visits, not caring if he was intruding as long as he came to see you at all. 

It was strange, you’ll admit- very strange. You were the newest Avenger recruit, and the youngest (if you didn’t count that he was technically born a little over a year ago? He had the wisdom of a thousand year old sorcerer, so you didn’t think of him as younger) and so he had a naturally protective nature about him when it came to you. 

He always tried to be by your side during missions, saving your ass on multiple occasions. He never made you feel weak or like you needed protecting, but he was just always there for you. Not just in missions, but in everything. Joining the Avengers was a life changing decision that was not easy in any sense. You didn’t exactly have the prettiest past, which is partially what landed you there in the first place. You knew that none of the members there were exactly saints, but you couldn’t help but feel like you didn’t deserve the new chance at life you were given. Not to mention you had been hearing about the Avengers for years now, and in your mind it was hard to take them off of this pedestal of superhero-assassin-gods to simple coworkers and family. 

Vision could sense your uneasiness, they all could really- but he had no filter and no sense of boundaries and was the only one to confront you about it. You were taken aback at first, but it was truly exactly what you needed. 

He would bring dinner to your room, offering to sit with you as you ate- even though he didn’t need to himself. He brought you DVDs, claiming Wanda told him that they were what lifted her mood. When that didn’t work he tried bringing some old records that Tony recommended, eventually bringing some books from Steve’s “project modernization” stash that peaked your interest. Some nights he would sit with you as you read, reading over your shoulder or watching something on the tv, just content to be in your presence. You never asked him to, and you never asked why, but you also never asked him to leave. 

The dynamic between the two of was certainly an unlikely one, Steve even asking you at one point if he needed to tell the Synthezoid to back off before you assured him that it was fine. 

Somewhere along the way you found yourself falling for Vision, utterly terrified and mortified over the uncertainty of if he could even feel those kinds of feelings towards anyone in return. But then you would hear him laugh at one of your jokes, a real hearty laugh when the joke wasn’t even that funny- or that smile, that god damn smile that stretched across his entire face with those pearly whites that made your heart flutter in your chest, or even worse- the small, shy smile that he would give you when he didn’t think you could see him that brought a faint blush to your cheeks every time. It was in those moments you let yourself feel a slimmer of hope that he could maybe, just maybe feel the same way. 

He eventually figures out that he feels the same as well, after a long conversation he had with Tony and Bruce over whether those feelings should even be possible for him or not. He decides that whether or not he should be able to, he most definitely did, and suddenly fleeting glances and stolen cozy nights turned into hands intertwined under the table during meetings and stolen kisses in the compound halls. 

A year later and everyone knows that it’s never just y/n or Vision, you get the both of you or neither of you, because you were a team.

About a month after the two of you had confessed your feelings Vis had asked you to “go steady”, it was adorable really- he said he saw it in a movie and thought it was what most human couples still did, and he was so nervous and flustered and cute you couldn’t help but say yes. 

Boyfriend and girlfriend, partners in crime, lovers- whatever you wanted to call it, you were. The labels didn’t matter, all that mattered was that you knew how you felt about each other. At least, you hoped you did. 

Vis had been acting strangely lately. He seemed more nervous around you; he was stuttering and losing his train of thought- he would sometimes act like he had something important to say and would end up saying nothing at all. Sometimes he would bring you flowers out of nowhere or prepare a meal he knew you loved, just to disappear for the rest of the night and you weren’t sure what to make of it. Sometimes he would babble on and on about some sort of poetic metaphor and ask if you understood what he meant and when you didn’t he would just tell you to pretend he said nothing at all. 

So there he was, phasing through your wall and asking to talk and you could see a large bouquet of roses behind his hand and you weren’t sure whether to be excited or scared or all of the above, so you simply dog-eared your book and set it aside, patting the empty side of the bed next to you for him to sit. 

He settled on the floor before walking over to the side of the bed and sitting, revealing the bouquet of flowers fully before shyly offering them to you.

“I was informed bouquets are a romantic gesture appropriate for such occasions” he explained, hands fidgeting as he spoke, not making eye contact with you. 

“And what occasion is that?” You inquire, quirking a brow at his behavior. 

“Ah yes that, right, well..” He started before opening and closing his mouth a few times, unsure of how to go on. 

“Darling, I don’t have much to go on with this in terms of past experience- this is all very new to me as you know, however, I have come to understand that there is a certain point in relationships, romantic relationships that is, where the feelings that one has for the other might start to change.” He explains, fingers continuing to fidget and pull at another. 

“Vis.. if this is you wanting a break from me, from us- flowers don’t exactly portray that message clearly..” You reply, anxiety beginning to settle in your chest.

As soon as you say that, any worries at what he could be implying flood your mind as his face fills with distress.

“Oh no- darling, no, that’s not what I was getting at at all!” He hurriedly says, setting the flowers on the bed and taking your hands in his own. “No no, it’s quite the opposite actually! See, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for quite a while, months even! But I wasn’t sure when a good time would be, and no article online could give me a set answer and I didn’t know how you felt- I thought I did sometimes but other times I just couldn’t be sure and then on this last mission when you almost got hurt and I couldn’t bear the thought that-“ you cut off his rambling by taking his cold face in your hands, “Vis hunny, slow down. What is it you want to tell me?” You ask, finally getting him to meet your eyes. He looked more nervous now than he had been for any mission in the past. 

He hands came up to rest atop your own on his face, intertwining your fingers together as he spoke softly, “Well darling, I just- I just thought, we’ve been together for quite some time now, and I think I can safely say- maybe- I hope- that neither one of us want to be letting this go anytime soon and I, well I just thought you ought to know that I love you.” 

A smile immediately pulled at your lips, you had been so afraid just a moment ago that he wanted nothing to do with you and there he was, telling you that he wanted everything to do with you. You wanted to say it back, you wanted to scream it out but he was sitting there with his big anxious doe eyes and a small, nervous smile as he awaits for your answer and suddenly all your words fail you- so you pull him in to a kiss instead. 

It was sweet but not chaste, lips firmly planted against each other as you fought the urge to cry because he was so perfect and you felt more loved than you had ever felt before. Your hands clutched the sides of his face as he planted his on your shoulder blades, bringing you closer to him but never too forcefully- always giving you the option to retreat, but you never take it, and you never will. 

The two of you finally part, gasping for air as he searches your eyes to gouge your reaction and finds a singular stray tear, chasing it away with a swipe of his finger. 

“So, may I assume that this may be reciprocated?” He asks shyly and you laugh, the two of you laugh together with big smiles and open hearts and you assure him “Yes, Vis, I love you, I love you too. Body, mind, and soul.”

“Body, mind, and soul.” He repeats, a smile forming at his lips before he pulls you in for another kiss, the rest of the world melting away until it felt like only the two of you, like it was always meant to be. 

[royalequeenofships]

HSMTMTS Season 3 Predictions and Character Analysis

Ricky & Nini:

Ricky and Nini have a complicated relationship. I feel like they have the whole dynamic of “right person, wrong timing” vibe. They have chemistry and a bond with each other. However, for them to grow as a couple, they really need to have character development first. Nini really needs to figure herself out and who she truly wants to be and figure out her dreams and how she wants to pursue them. We had the whole YAC arc in season 2, where she goes there because she thought it was something that she wanted, but she realized that YAC was not truly what she wanted and isn’t what makes her happy. So, she’s slowly trying to figure herself out with independence and not relying on anyone except herself. In Season 1, most of her moments were with Ricky, with only the YAC arc really showcasing her independence, but her reliance on others in season 1 and parts of season 2. For example, Kourtney was the one who submitted her application to YAC, and partially her reasons for coming back to East High were also her relationship with her friends and Miss Jenn. Also, the fact that Carlos posted her song online, and she asked Ashlyn for help to write “Ain’t see nothing.” However, in episode 11 and 12, really starts showcasing her independence and stop relying on others for her journey. She BECOMES the one other people rely on, she hypes everyone up for their performances and is really figuring herself out and blossoming like the Rose. It is a great metaphor for Nini’s journey, and the fact that she herself calls Jamie’s brother instead of other people doing it for her, really makes it more special. Gina could’ve easily called her brother and be like “Oh yeah I have this friend who’s a great songwriter, yadda yadda.” But she does it herself, which is really great. Now with Ricky. Many people would agree with the fact that he truly does need therapy. He needs to learn how to handle change, and dare I say, realizing that other people are more important in his life. Personally, I felt like Ricky was very selfish this season. Last season, he was being selfish as he broke up with Nini because he couldn’t say I love you, and once school started again, he wanted Nini back so badly, but he proved himself worthy at the final episode when he stops being Troy to give Nini a chance to perform for YAC. However, this season once he and Nini are back together again, he was being selfish and thinking of himself again. When Nini goes to YAC, all he could really think about was how HER leaving was affecting him and his relationship with her.

For example, he would ask Gina for help on HIS own relationship, and sending Nini the message of how much he missed her and wishes she would be there because HE misses her so much. And thinking that Nini came home for him and him only. Plus, he thinks that the rose song that she wrote was SPECIFICALLY related to him, and then the whole situation with Miss Jenn and his dad, in which he was only thinking about himself and his feelings, with no regards to theirs. However, in episode 10, he finally stops being selfish and really opened his eyes to his surroundings, as he helped Carlos with his song for Seb. I hope this development continues, and once he realizes that he needs to stop being selfish, and is able to handle change and mature as a person, then maybe the Rini ship can happen once again. Another thing I’ve noticed about their “angst” in season 2 was the long-distance relationship, especially in episode 3. Although, Ricky and Nini were in the same city, throughout the episode, it still felt like they were going long-distance, which was probably foreshadowing their breakup. They only communicated through their phones that episode, and even at the end, their songs for each other wasn’t sang in person, but through the phone. As for predictions on the Rini relationship, I think that if Tim only plans on 3 seasons, then Rini will probably get back together at the end of Season 3, but if he has 4 seasons planned (which I am hoping for), then Rini will probably get back together then. Now we also have to take into consideration the career of Olivia Rodrigo. We do not know if she wants to continue with HSM, and even she herself is not sure. What I think will happen is, if Olivia decides she wants to take her music career to the next level, I think a really easy way to write her out without breaking the contract, would be to have her travel to L.A. to work on her music for the summer, so that there will be reason as to why she is absent for most of the season. This will probably take 1 episode to do and Olivia can spend the rest of her time focusing on her music. However, if Olivia decides she still wants to work full time in this season, then she might stay in Salt Lake and do the musical and write some songs for Jamie, etc but personally I think Olivia would want to focus on her music more than the show, as she posts about it more on social media than the show, and even with interviews. Nini might return for the final episode when summer ends and the new school year starts, so Olivia might just be in like 2 episodes. That’s my take on Rini for now, we get back to Ricky later.

E.J. & Gina:

Portwell is literally my favourite ship of the series, and it is just amazing. I personally would not like to see any angst in their relationship next season, but honestly it is probably going to happen and here’s why. Their relationship was built really steadily and took a long time to flourish. With other couples, like Seblos, Redlyn and Kowie, they got together awfully fast, taking 2-3 episodes to truly get together. So, the angst that those couples go through gets resolved rather quickly. Seblos with their relationship gets solved within 1-2 episodes, for the whole “does he like me because im the only gay one” storyline. Redlyn has the whole “Antoine” situation (which I will get back to later) and the “Red’s future” which again, took 1 episode to resolve. And Kourtney and Howie took 1-2 episodes to resolve the whole “Howie is from North high” and “Why Howie seems weird”. The reason is because those couples got together really quickly, and therefore their angst can be easily resolved through that, and wouldn’t really take time to fix. As you can see, Rini took a while to really get together. They were childhood friends off screen and we get to see their past relationship through flashbacks in season 1, but technically they took around 10 episodes to fully get back together. They have their cute., fluffy episodes for the first 4-5 episodes of season 2, but then their angst slowly starts to build at episode 5-6. It drags on until episode 8 where they fully break up, and counting episode 9 with their take on how they’re handling the breakup, so that’s around 5 episodes worth of angst for the couple that took 10 episodes to get together. So, with Portwell, they’ve technically been building them up at the end of season 1, but we’ll truly count the buildup starting from the Quincenero episode, which is episode 5, and they had 7 episodes worth of relationship buildup. So, I think, for the first 4 episodes, we’ll see some fluff and cute moments between the two when summer starts (and hopefully some kisses cuz like please I need to see at least one), but the angst will probably start in the middle of the season. It might take like around 4-5 episodes to fix, but I truly believe that they will not break up, and it will get resolved either near the final episode or the final episode of the season. Now for the REASON of their angst. I truly think the only “angst” worthy storyline is about EJ going off the college. As I can’t think of anything else that can topple their relationship. Firstly, EJ knows about the chocolates, which makes me think that he probably knows about Gina’s past crush on Ricky. Secondly, they resolved the whole “Big Brother” situation, and EJ knows that Gina doesn’t see her in that way. And the character development of E.J. and Gina. Back in season 1, they were arrogant and straight up ambitious people, who really don’t care about how others feel, but they truly changed as people in season 1 and 2, and had their character development moments. The contrast with them and Rini is that Season 1 focused on rini’s relationship development and season 2 and maybe 3 will really focused on their CHARACTER development. For Portwell, I think that would be flipped as they already had their Character development in season 1 and 2, so we probably will see their RELATIONSHIP development in season 3. So, since they already had their character development, I think it would be pointless to have unnecessary drama about their personalities or jealousy or whatnot, since they truly developed as people. So, the only thing I can possibly think of for their angst is EJ college arc. I know that they will probably fix it, but still I’m dreading to see it as I don’t want Portwell angst anymore. ☹ (ALSO PLEASE GIVE ME A PORTWELL DUET!! I NEED IT! Also, an EJ solo)

Ricky & Gina:

Personally, I do not ship Rina. I don’t think they would make a good couple; however, I think they would be really good friends. Someone they could confide in about their issues like Gina said “Sometimes I tell you things I don’t tell anyone else” and Ricky being like “I think we do that for each other.” We didn’t really get to see Ricky and Gina resolve their issues in season 2, partly because of Ricky’s character development. I am hoping to see in season 3, Ricky working on himself and fixing up his friendship with Gina. I think something that might happen is when Gina is going through her angst with EJ, and Ricky going through his own angst with Lily, they might be able to give each other advice and on how to handle it. However, PLEASE for the love of God, do not drag the whole love triangle back, because we do not need it. Gina has truly gotten over Ricky, and Ricky never seeing Gina as someone for his romantic relationship anyways, and he really needs to work on himself more, they should not be together as a couple. However, I do hope that they amend their friendship and is able to confide in each other once more, which I think will be cool and really help with Ricky’s character development.

Ricky & Lily:

Now this one. We know they will not be endgame, and I am 90% sure of the fact that Lily does not have romantic feelings for Ricky. Sure, she might find him attractive (and I mean who can blame her, Joshua Bassett is gorgeous), but she definitely does not like him in that way. We can see it when she “confesses” to him, she said to him “I like your brown hair and brown eyes” which are all physical descriptions of him, nothing about his personality which makes sense because she barely knows him, so how could she develop feelings for someone she doesn’t know. She has also stolen the harness, so we know that there would be no way that she likes him, and at the end of season 2, we don’t even get to see her feeling guilty about doing it, because she likes him. So that definitely setting in stone on how she’s only using him and manipulating him. Now for Ricky, yes you might be thinking “oh he’s calling her, why?” But Ricky does not know what we know. He was not there when Lily was talking to Gina about their roles as Belle, he was not there when Lily was laughing at Big Red, he was not there when she had a conversation with Miss Jenn, and he was not there when she planned with Antoine and when she stole the harness. In Ricky’s eyes, the reason that she was so mean to them is because of the Menkies, and their schools were enemies and rivals for it. He doesn’t know about Lily’s evil and ambitious side, and he believes that the Menkies might have made her that way. For example, he knows that the Menkies has turned Miss Jenn into someone different and a little bit mean, so he assumed the same for Lily, and when she asked for a second chance, Ricky gave it to her as he didn’t know. I feel like for the first couple of episodes, it will show Lily and Ricky “bonding” or getting to know each other, but Lily lying about the whole situation and really planning something behind his back, but we don’t know what yet. Maybe Ricky will be like “Huh, she’s a cool person, I’m starting to like her.” But then figuring out her plan, and finding out that she stole the harness. He then will be very upset and kind of heartbroken as he gave her a chance and she was only manipulating him the whole time. Maybe then, his character development will continue to grow and he will realize that he does not need to be in a relationship right now, and that he needs to work on himself and mature as a person. And I think him and Lily’s “relationship” will be a strong pushing point that he needs.

Seb & Carlos:

Now Seblos is one of my favourite ships in the show, and I love them to bits and pieces. However, as regarding their relationship, I feel like they have already resolved all their angst in season 2, it will be hard to make up angst for them in season 3, if they ever have one. I would like to say this though, I knew there was going to be angst for them in season 2, but the way they built it up, I thought the angst would be about how Carlos’ family is really rich, and Seb can’t compare because he lives on a farm, and it might make him self-conscious. Cause that’s where it seemed to be leading in the first few episodes of Season 2 (the sled, cashmere etc.). However, they brought a completely different angst to them which I thought was pretty surprising. Personally, I think they should’ve done the “class/money” difference in season 2, and then maybe the whole “why are you with me” angst for season 3, but maybe they MIGHT switch it around for season 3, and have the whole “class/money” difference then. Although, that’s probably the only “issue” I see for them ever, cause they’re a power couple and like what other angst could there be? Maybe they’ll introduce a new love interest but I highly doubt it because they already resolved the “I choose you always” in season 2. So, hoping there’s no Seblos angst, but if they do decide to throw in one, that might be the one they’ll do.

Big Red & Ashlyn:

Again, Redlyn is one of my favourite ships and they’re just so amazing. However, their storyline is hopefully again, all fluff for season 3, but one thing I realised that they didn’t really resolve in season 2 was the whole “Antoine” storyline. After episode 7, they never really talked about it again and introduced the new angst next episode with the whole “Career” thing. I feel like Antoine will be a more recurring character in season 3, as he only got like what? 10 minutes worth of screentime this season? (Maybe even less) and especially at the end as he joined Natalie in the final scene. So maybe there will be more of him in the next season, and slowly moving in on Ashlyn and making Big Red feeling like he’s not good enough, and then maybe Redlyn will FINALLY get their “I love you” confession then, because WE NEED IT! I’m manifesting for Redlyn “I love you” next season, and I think the whole situation with Antoine would be a nice way for Ashlyn to TRULY confirm to Big Red how much she loves him and how grateful she is for him, and vice versa. (Also manifesting for more EJ and Big Red friendship moments, like maybe Big Red goes for EJ for advice for his relationship with Ashlyn, and maybe EJ confiding in Big Red for Gina as well)

Kourtney & Howie:

As for Kourtney and Howie, they’re probably still going to work at the pizza shop together and continue to bond. A plot point that I think will be very interesting is maybe Kourtney trying to convince Howie to move to East High, but Howie kind of not wanting to, because he spent like 3 years there and it’s kind of his home. That might be a nice storyline to do, or it can be the opposite, where Howie is trying to transfer to North High, but Kourtney being worried like “Is he going to North High for me? I don’t want that, what if he hates it here”, but Howie confirming that he’s going to North High because the environment for him is better there and less competitive and toxic than North High. That might be a storyline that can happen for these two. I would also like for them to have a duet as well; I think Dara’s strong voice goes well with Roman’s soft voice and it would mesh well together.

Miss Jenn & Mr. Mazarra:

Now this one is a toughie, but I have some theories. Now we know that Ricky has given Miss Jenn permission to date his dad, which is another great character development for him, as he’s handling change and seeing other people’s happiness. However, as soon as he gave her permission, Mr. Mazarra confesses his feelings for Miss Jenn, which seemingly makes her happy, as we did get to see a little smile on her face when he did. Throughout Season 2, Benjamin was really the one comforting her, and giving her courage for the Menkies. We see it through episode 8, when he helped Miss Jenn film the commercial and how he put so much effort into making her coffee and setting up a table, just so she could relax. Same goes for episode 10, when she confides in him, and he acting like a therapist to her and accepting her anxious feelings, and helping her feel calmer and better. They are both opening up to each other. And I believe Miss Jenn truly appreciates him as a colleague and a friend. Now another moment is when Ricky’s dad comes to the show with flowers, and she was talking with Mr. Mazarra at the moment. When he called out her name, she smiles awkwardly and immediate turns to Mr. Mazarra saying something along the lines up “Why we always running into him?” and very awkwardly makes his way to him and you could tell she was slightly uncomfortable, with her awkward smiles and everything. This really contrasts from episode 3, where she herself walks up to Ricky’s dad and starts up a conversation, and how now, it is the other way around. Now, the whole problem of Mr. Mazarra leaving for Caltech. He confesses his romantic feelings to Miss Jenn, and really emphasizes on how she’s the only one who is stopping him from running off the California, which I believe that she is a big part of why, but also not fully. We really get to see Mr. Mazarra bonding with a lot of the students this season as well, E.J., Ricky, etc. I feel like he truly cares for his students, and in season 3, maybe he is thinking about if he really wants to stay in Utah for his students and of course, his budding relationship with Miss Jenn. Now, there was a scene in episode 4, where he was confiding to EJ about his rejection from Caltech. And he admits to EJ how he doesn’t think about Caltech very much anymore. He’s made his peace with it. This kind of mirrors EJ’s situation about Duke. EJ didn’t get into Duke from his own accord, but rather his dad got him in. Same can be said for Mr. Mazarra, EJ’s dad made the call for him for Caltech, and he didn’t really get in from his own as well, as he said previously, He was rejected many, many times. So maybe next season will really show him and his decision of staying at East High back in the fall, or leaving for Caltech. Now moving back to Miss Jenn. Next season, I feel like will focus on her and the students more, as this season, she was a really crappy teacher, and kept pushing them due to stress and wanting them to beat her ex at the Menkies. This season, I believe that she will return to the teacher that she was in season 1, and really focusing and hyping up the kids’ talents. I would love to see that Miss Jenn come back, and really help her students. Of course, the whole love triangle debacle will probably be fixed, I can maybe see Miss Jenn going out on a date with Ricky’s dad but thinking of Mr. Mazarra the whole time, and Ricky’s dad is a good man, so he might notice something is different about her, and tells her to go for it, her relationship with Mr. Mazarra before he moves or something. Also, since in season 2, we got to see Mr. Mazarra comfort Miss Jenn a lot, maybe this season will have Miss Jenn comforting Mr. Mazarra about Caltech, and if he truly wants to leave his students. Another thing I’d like to maybe see is Mr. Mazarra singing a song for Miss Jenn. We know that Mark St. Cyr has a good voice, as we saw from the Christmas special. So, him singing to Miss Jenn even though he doesn’t like musicals that much and all that, would show a lot of character development from Season 1.

Overall Plot:

Now, I have a few theories about summer. I’ve seen a lot of people saying they will go to a camp like “Camp Rock” which I think will be very likely to happen, and they put up a musical. What I can also see happening, is like High School Musical 2, where they go to a resort for work, and then putting up a musical there for the audience as well. Or they could just stay in Utah, and just relax for the summer, and not have any musical but just a lot of original songs about their summer in general and the stuff they’re going through. If they do a musical, I don’t think that they’ll do a musical from a movie or theatre, but rather write their own musical. I think it would be a really interesting concept, it can show us more imaginative and creative concept for a musical and have more original songs for the season. I would truly love to see that.

So that’s all for the character analysis and predictions I have for Season 3, sorry if it’s long lol

[seoloquent]

project: dance, dance, revolution

summary - you hate that ai robots are beginning to take over the entertainment industry, but you have no choice than to help them. but what if it all didn't turn out to be what you thought it was?

pairing - johnny and fem!reader

genre - strangers-to-lovers!au, robot!au, comedy, fluff

word count - 10.101

warnings - cw! food, there might be some grammatical errors... i'm depending on grammarly on this one

author's note - this is for @pastelsicheng's ai project #14320 collab! this was honestly such a challenge for me since i have been in a writing slump for over two years i believe, but i'm glad it gave me the push i need. i am still super rusty, but i think the dialogue is cute, so i'm happy with it! thank you so much emmy for sharing your great idea with everyone, and i hope you all like it!

************************************************************************

Johnny AI AU - seoloquent

Kun was terrified.

Despite experiencing your various emotions throughout the five years of being your manager, he has never seen you this angry before. But, honestly speaking, he couldn’t blame you. He’d be just as mad if he found out his boss went behind his back and signed a contract with a company he hated. As much as he could sympathize with you though, Kun just couldn’t get himself to understand why you were so upset about working with LSM Incorporated. If he were in your shoes, he’d be doing backflips off the wall! The amount of exposure, and revenue you are potentially going to be receiving… Kun just does not understand what the problem is.

Although your strides were long and strong, Kun was able to keep up with you while making sure he kept his distance, as if a dark cloud followed behind you. As cautious as he was to not have you blow up at him, he still tried to convince you to not make a scene within the conference room by his desperate protests; in which you kindly ignored. Every single word that left his mouth went through one ear and straight out the other as you paid him no mind. You were in a tunnel vision; the only person you wanted to talk to right now was your boss.

Pushing the door open with much force (that Kun had to catch before it slammed onto the wall behind it), you caught the attention of the CEO of your company, as well as Lee Soo Man of LSM Inc. They flashed pleasant smiles your way, completely oblivious of your angry state.

“Y/N, just the person we wanted to se-”

“Are you serious?!” You slammed the contract papers down on the table, your eyes wide and fierce as they stared into your boss’s eyes.

Your emotions were still fresh from when you first received the signed contract papers from Kun about an hour prior. The feelings of betrayal and violation lingered within you, and the uneasiness it caused made you sick. How could someone lack so much human decency that they justified going behind their employee’s back, an employee that has their trust in them at that, and force them into labor; which they have already voiced that they did not want to do? It baffled you, and you were hurt, as you believed that you and your CEO had a great business relationship. But he took that open communication for granted and took advantage of you.

After realizing that you stormed in with anger rather than excitement, he pursed his lips and looked down at the papers, chuckling to himself. “Oh. So you’re still opposed to the idea.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Of course I am!” Your voice rose as your eyes grew bigger. “You never talked to me about it again after the first time; what made you think that I changed my mind?”

“Y/N, I have to get you to notice that you are not the only one signed to this company. This will not only be good exposure for you, but for us as well.” He justified. He kept his voice calm, not only to calm you down but also to keep a professional demeanor in front of his newly established business partner.

“Oh, so you’re doing this for yourself?”

“Of course not! This is for the benefit of not only you, not only me, but for the company as a whole.” Your CEO reasoned. Before you could respond, he cleared his throat and turned to Lee Soo Man. “I’m sorry, but will you excuse us for a moment? I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation in front of you as our partner.”

Normally, you would be embarrassed that you presented this side of yourself in front of a potential partner, but embarrassed in front of Lee Soo Man? You care more about a monkey’s opinion about yourself more than his opinion. Besides, it doesn’t seem like he’s phased by your reaction at all. Strangely enough, when you turned toward the founder of LSM Inc., you realized that his arrogant smile had never left his face since the moment you stormed into the conference room. It gave you chills. He seems so artificial that you wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be a robot himself.

After Lee Soo Man gave his, “No problem,” your boss stood up from his seat and escorted you both outside the conference room. The moment the door closed, your boss’s true emotion started to show. His eyes grew wide and his fingers grabbed onto his freshly trimmed strands as he breathed out a heavy breath of frustration. Equally as frustrated, if not more, you crossed your arms and made sure your gaze was unwavering; something you needed to learn after being manipulated many times from past experiences with people who work within the entertainment industry. You stepped your metaphoric foot down. Even if your boss had signed a contract without your acknowledgment, you were not going to do the job. That’s not your signature on the papers.

“Are you crazy Y/N?!” He yelled in a hushed tone, careful to not have anyone overhear your conversation. “How could you act like that in front of him?”

“Do I not have a right to be angry? You sold me away to a robot company Jack, a robot company!” You slapped the back of your hand on your other palm, now physically unable to withhold your emotions.

“I didn’t sell you away, you’re getting paid to do this job.” He spat. Now self-aware of how uncivil and unprofessional he was being, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to ease his nerves. You are going to get nowhere if you bickered like this, and if you keep it up, he knows he is going to say something he regrets.

Now keeping his tone soft, he revealed, “I chose you because you’re the best for this job.”

“Aren’t there other artists under this label who could do this? I’m sure they’re more willing to work with LSM than I am.” You matched his tone, hoping that this time you could get through to him.

“Those other artists can’t produce the same product as you can.” Jack shook his head disapprovingly. “Listen Y/N, I don’t want to waste any more of Mr. Lee’s time, so I’m going to make this short. I apologize in advance if you find any offense in this, but business is business.” You stared intently into his eyes, in hopes to understand where he was going with his next sentence, but his expression could not be read.

“If you can’t do this job, then I’m afraid that I’ll have to drop you from this label.”

You never knew what people meant by having their hearts drop down to their stomachs until now. You felt as if the wind was knocked out of you, your breath short and shaky and your knees weak. All these years… all this work you put in to make a name not only for yourself but for this company… it baffled you that all that effort could be thrown away so easily, just because of some AI company.

As much as you wanted to keep standing up for yourself and your role in the company, you knew there was no use. Your boss didn’t seem to give you a choice either, seeing that he walked back into the conference room shortly after his bombshell. The only thing you could find yourself doing is laughing bitterly to yourself while shaking your head. What in the world are you going to do now?

***

Maybe it isn’t such a good idea to go to a bar when you’re in a bad mood. The constant noise of chatter and the clinking of glasses did not soothe your nerves one bit. Rather, it made you even more annoyed, and on the brink of yelling out at everyone to just be quiet. Instead of making a fool of yourself in public though, you sat with your head under your arms, forehead resting on the cool surface of the bar. Kun, your designated moral support, sat next to you, tapping his glass of whiskey as he thought of what to say to you.

“So, what are you gonna do?”

That simple yet oh so effective sentence had you throwing your head back and releasing a loud groan. Your reaction had your manager shrugging, his face reading, ‘What did I do?’ You rested your cheeks on the palms of your hands as you thought: ‘What can I do?’

Gazing off into a space of nothing, you replied: “I dunno.” You shook your head, your hands still on either side of your face as you deadpanned. “I have no idea what I’m gonna do.” After a moment, something clicked in your head, and you set your arms down and turned to Kun. “Do you want to bail on them and start a company with me?”

He snorted at the inquiry. “You know we can’t do that! At least not right now. It’s way too last minute.”

You looked down at your arms with a sad expression and sighed. “You’re right.” Not only would it be an impulsive decision, but you had no motivation in you to own a whole entertainment company. “What am I gonna do?!” You cried out, your hands covering your face to hide your shame.

“Hey, hey, hey! Stop the whining!” Kun took your hands away from your face, revealing the pout on your face. “Everything is going to be fine! I’m sure of it.”

Kun, a big pep-talk kind of man, was always ready to reassure you when you were in doubt. And boy was he good at it. You still remember when you were growing anxious before your first big concert at an arena. The staff ran around the whole place frantically trying to find where you ran off to. Thankfully, your trustee manager was able to find your hiding spot, which was beside a vending machine in an empty hallway. His comforting words found a way to ease your speedy heart rate, and clear up your clogged mind. After that day, you knew you could always go to him when you were feeling down or unsure of yourself. He’s a friend you could always lean on.

“How are you so sure?” You asked, your voice so small that he almost missed the question.

“Think about it,” he set his glass to the side and folded his hands together, “this contract is only valid for six months. It’s not like you’re going to be working there forever.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I know that; but still! I don’t want to do it at all!”

“You never know what will happen until you try though! You might end up liking it.” He nudged your elbow as he flashed a convincing smile.

“Me? Liking it?” You scoffed. “Kun, do you even know me?”

He pursed his lips and sighed. This situation was foreign to him since he always knew what to say. But now, it seemed like everything he was saying was making the situation worse. He wanted nothing more than for you to feel comfortable, but that mission is basically impossible knowing how much you oppose the AI industry. But still, Kun is a persistent man. He wasn’t going to back down just yet.

Finally, something clicked.

“Actually, your idea doesn’t sound half bad.” You cocked a curious eyebrow, surprised that he brought up something you spurted out carelessly. “Think about it: you’re still your own person. Even though you’re technically bound by a contract doesn’t mean that you can’t make a decision on your own. He did give you the choice to leave.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “So you’re saying that I should just leave the company?”

He shook his head. “No. What I’m doing is offering a deal. I want you to try to work with LSM for at least three months. If you try it, you might like it! If not, I will quit with you, and we can try to start a company on our own; which I know we both don’t want. But hey, that might be fun too.”

You thought about the proposal for a moment. It wasn’t too much of a bad idea. It was actually quite reasonable. Yeah, you aren’t looking forward to being surrounded by robots and their arrogant creators, but you guess that it’s worth a try. Just for the experience at least.

“I think we have a deal.” You held your hand out.

He took your hand in his and gave it a firm shake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, partner.”

***

You shivered upon entering the entertainment wing of LSM Inc. You were told that the lab would be a bit chilly, which is why you brought a jacket with you, but the cool air still found a way to nip at your skin through the material. You have to say, the lab was not what you expected it to be. Rather than it being some cold, plain science lab, it was made out to be much more casual. Your eyes settled on what looked like a lounge area for the employees, and you watched carefully as they conversed with one another with soft smiles on their faces. Scanning the place even further, you came across capsule areas, in which you assume where the AI robots stayed. As cool as the dome building seemed, you still couldn’t shake off the grudge you had against the company.

“Oh, you’re here!” A man holding a clipboard exclaimed. He ran over to you and Kun, flashing a bright smile. “Mr. Lee told me that we were to be expecting you both. I was hoping to greet you at the main lobby entrance, but I got caught up in another situation, so I apologize. My name is Kim Doyoung, I’ll be your guide for the day.” He politely held his hand out, and you shook it while replying with a small, “Hello.”

“We’re pleased to have you here with us Ms. Y/N. Please, follow me.” He motioned both of you to follow him. “I must say, I’m a huge fan of your music. I’m really happy that you decided to work with us for the next comeback.”

“Oh. Don’t mention it.” You shook your head while smiling slightly.

As Doyoung lead you to wherever he was leading you, he pointed out different areas to help you grow familiar with the lab. You learned that they have many recording and dance studios like regular companies do. You couldn’t help but wonder why, since they could just be programmed to sing the songs, but you didn’t bother to ask.

Finally, Doyoung stopped at a station, but his bright expression was replaced by a puzzled one. He looked around as if he were looking for someone. You, on the other hand, couldn’t help but stare at what stood before you. The tall human-like… thing, stared right back at you with a neutral expression. It gave you chills how real he seemed; like he could walk past you on the street and you wouldn’t bat an eye. Despite how anxious it made you feel, your curiosity outweighed that emotion, and you inched closer to get a better look.

Your tour guide caught you eyeing the bot, and that smile found its way back onto his face. He heard that you might be a bit opposed to working with the AI’s, so he was glad to find you expressing some sort of interest in their prized possession.

“He’s so human-” As if in a trance, you reached out a hand to touch the robot, but it suddenly stepped back just before you got to it.

“I’m sorry, but physical touch is not allowed unless permitted.” The robot announced before flashing a commercial smile.

Doyoung’s chuckled beside you. “For the safety of our bots, we have prohibited anyone from touching them.” He leaned in to add, “Too many fans at fansigns got touchy-feely.” He shook his head disapprovingly.

“Eager to get a feel of my bot already?” You heard a voice from behind you.

When you turned around, you felt as though you got whiplash. The man standing behind you looked identical to the robot standing before you. The only difference was that the robot had blonde short hair and was styled in fancy clothing whilst the man had long brown hair and didn’t seem to care much about what he had on. He had his hands in the pockets of his gray sweatpants, a sly smirk plastered on his face.

“You’re late.” Doyoung deadpanned.

“I’m not late, I was taking a nap in the Pod, and nobody cared enough to wake me up!” The mystery man shrugged.

Finally, you snapped back into reality, but you still had to verify that what you were seeing was real. When you finally accepted what was going on, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“How cute.” You snickered to yourself.

A puzzled expression masked the mystery man’s face. “What’s cute?”

“What is this? The Man and the Muppet?” Your comment had Kun nudging your arm and shooting you a warning look to which you responded with an apologetic gaze.

Not giving the mystery man any time to respond (merely because he does not have the patience), Doyoung spoke up. “This is Suh Youngho, he’s the head AI Developer of our department. He’s the creator of #S127.” Youngho put his hands behind his back and bowed as his greeting.

“I’m guessing his name is Youngho as well?” You pointed to the robot, still standing expressionless.

“He wishes, but no, we call him Johnny!” Youngho swung an arm over his identical twin of a robot, smiling brightly. “After a long and hard fight for it, he will be releasing his first solo album this year.” He wiped a fake tear from under his eye. “Johnny here is my firstborn, so this is going to be really special.”

“And you’re going to help us make it very special!” Doyoung cheered.

“Actually, speaking of that, what exactly am I supposed to be doing? Wouldn’t it just be easier for me to give you guys a demo and you program him to sing it or something?” You asked.

Doyoung was quick to answer. “That would defeat the purpose of AI robots actually! The thing is, they’re supposed to learn to adapt to certain environments, like we do! So they learn how to sing songs and how to dance complex choreography just like we do.”

This time, Kun was the one to ask a question. “Aren’t you guys just putting more work upon yourself?”

“Yes, and no,” Youngho started, “It’s like a domino effect. The more work we give our bots means more research that needs to be done. The more research that is done, means there’s more data we get. The more data we get means a more refined bot, and then it loops.” Kun opened his mouth in an ‘ah’ shape and nodded his head after the explanation. “Hopefully we can get this bad boy to the point where we don’t have to do any more research and he can be a successful artist on his own.”

Even though this was all very interesting, you still couldn’t help but still be opposed to the thought of helping a robot making it in the entertainment industry. You caught a glimpse of the future as you fell into a daydream: AI’s getting a full sweep in wins at big music award shows, discrediting those who actually put their heart and soul into their work. Robots don’t have a heart, nor do they have a soul. Even if they do seem to “work hard,” they will never be on the same level as a human artist. It just won’t be fair, but what even is fair these days?

“So, to answer your question, we need Johnny to learn what it’s like to be a true singer-slash-songwriter. And to achieve that, he’ll be staying with you for the duration of the six months before his solo debut.” Doyoung’s words snapped you out of your daydream and you turned to him with furrowed brows.

“Oh, so this is going to be like ‘Take your robot to work day’ or something? But just for six months instead?” You questioned.

Doyoung looked up as he thought, nodding and shrugging seconds afterward. “Well, yes, but we were hoping that Johnny could get the full package. We planned for him to stay with you 24/7 so that he could really get a feel of your creative process.”

You did a double-take, eyes wide and mouth agape showcasing your shock.

“E-Excuse me? You mean to say that he will be… living with me?” You spoke low and slow, scared of the obvious answer.

You didn’t see anything about this in the contract papers; not that you read it anyway since you weren’t the one who signed them; but still! You could feel your heart race as you thought of him living in your apartment, those brown soulless eyes studying every move you made. The vision made you shudder.

“Affirmative.” Youngho nodded firmly.

Your heart wanted to burst out of your chest. “I’m sorry, but can you guys excuse us for a moment? I need to speak with my manager in private.” You said just before taking Kun’s hand and dragging him somewhere where the two scientists wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation.

“I’m living with the robot?!” You whisper yelled, careful to not have anyone nearby hear your anguish.

“In my defense, I had no idea about this.” Kun shook his head with his hands up.

You paced back and forth as you panicked. You lifted your hands, but not knowing what to do with them, you just clenched them into a fist. It seemed like your life was spiraling out of your control. Nothing is going your way, and it is driving you insane. You need to get your life back in order fast. If not, who knows what will happen?

“I swear, if he wasn’t the one paying me, I would kill Jack right now.” You grumbled.

“Hey, it’s not like Johnny is a real guy. I doubt he would try to do anything to hurt you.” Kun tried his best to reassure you, but it was not doing much to help.

“You don’t know that! We don’t know what those guys are capable of!” You pointed toward Doyoung and Youngho. “That Doyoung guy is nice, but I don’t know if I can trust him. And Youngho seems like he’s gonna be a handful.” You stared at the said man as he and Doyoung bickered, probably about him being late again.

Kun turned his head to see the two men bickering, and the only thing he could do was chuckle. “I think they should be the least of your worries.” His comment made you sigh deeply. “You’ll be fine, I promise you!” He put his hands on your arms to steady you, but you avoided his gaze as you stared down at your feet with a pout on your face. “You know I’m always on speed dial if you need me.”

You nodded your head, still avoiding his gaze.

“Hey,” his call made your eyes meet his. “If all goes wrong, we can always dump a bucket of water over ‘em.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the comment. “Yeah, and then we’ll get sued and possibly go to jail.”

Kun smacked his lips and said, “Eh, I’m sure they’ll be able to fix the guy. A little water can’t do that much damage.” He stepped back and shoved his hands into his pockets. After a small moment of silence, he kicked your shoe gently. “So what do you say? You’re still gonna do it, or no?”

A groan erupted from your chest, and you brought your hands down your face out of frustration. You really don’t want to do this, but a deal is a deal.

“Three months. I’m giving three months.”

“That’s my girl!”

***

You found yourself pacing around your apartment in the early morning. It has been about a week since you first spoke with LSM Inc. From this day forward for the next six months (or three months you hoped), Johnny would be shadowing you at all times. You were a nervous wreck since you didn’t know what to expect from living with a robot. What if he suddenly malfunctioned and they blamed it on you? You can’t handle this type of responsibility. Or what if he malfunctioned and started acting violently toward you?

“Snap out of it!” You whisper yelled at yourself, hitting your temple with your knuckles. You always tend to scare yourself when you’re nervous. Everyone you have spoken to about this matter has told you that you had nothing to worry about, so you made it your goal to not worry. But why is it so hard?

DING!

You swore your heart jumped out of your chest when your doorbell suddenly sounded throughout your home. As much as you wanted your heart rate to calm down, it only began to race faster the closer you got to your door. When your hand touched the gold knob, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, then you finally opened the door.

Two identical men stood before you, flashing the same bright smile.

“Good morning to you!” Youngho greeted you cheerfully, to which you replied with a dazed “Morning,” before allowing them inside.

You eyed the two men as they entered your living room, confused as to why they were the only ones here. “Where is Mr. Kim?”

Youngho cocked an eyebrow before turning around to face you. “Who?”

“Your coworker. Doyoung, I believe his name is?” You answered.

“Oh!” He let out a hearty laugh. “You don’t have to call him that, it makes him sound old. And I’m older than him, so that kind of hurts my feelings.” He joked, but the only thing you could find yourself doing was nodding your head and looking away.

Sensing your discomfort, he cleared his throat before answering your question. “He’s busy back at the lab. I’m here to make sure John is all set before I leave him in your care.” You winced at his words. It only added to the overwhelming weight on your shoulders.

“Why do you ask? Did you grow fond of him already?” He slung his backpack from around his shoulder onto the floor. You peeked inside when he zipped it open, finding wires bunched inside.

“Uh, no, I wouldn’t say that.” You let out a nervous laugh. “I just find it a bit overwhelming with only you two here.”

A smirk grew on his face. “So, you’re overwhelmed by my great looks huh?” He flipped his hair and shrugged as if it was inevitable to be starstruck by him.

“I look exactly like you,” Johnny spoke for the first time since entering your home.

You had to hold back a laugh at the sudden comment, and Youngho’s reaction didn’t make it any easier.

“So? You’re inspired by me, so therefore I take the credit of our looks!” He stuck his nose up in Johnny’s face. When the scientist turned back toward you, he realized you were holding back a laugh as your pursed your lips and looked away. “What? You find this funny?”

You put your hand up and shook your head. “No, no.”

Youngho was happy to find you in a better mood than when you first met. Sure, you’re still on the shy side, but at least you’re laughing instead of frowning like the first time. He heard that you weren’t exactly on board with working with LSM, so he made it his goal to have this be an enjoyable experience for you. He hopes that one day your negative opinions about AI’s would change. They’re as special to him as music is to you.

“I need to set up Johnny’s things. Is it okay if you tell me where he’s allowed to sleep?” Youngho asked.

You tilted your head to the side, a puzzled expression finding its way on your face. “He sleeps?”

“Yeah!” Youngho nodded simply. “It’s like setting your computer on sleep mode. Machines need rest as much as we do. Johnny here is a hardworking man, he deserves to sleep.”

You supposed he was right. He might break easier if his gears were running constantly. Plus, he was made to function as a human, but you didn’t know that it was to this extent. To say the least, you were impressed at the attention to detail.

You motioned the two to your guest bedroom, and immediately Youngho got to work. Johnny stood next to you as the both of you spectated Youngho’s work, but you were shortly distracted by the robot.

You peered up at the tall machine with a curious gaze, and he turned to you with a kind smile.

“So, I’m not sure if this is an inappropriate question or not, but I’m curious.” Johnny nodded for you to go on. “Should I, like… talk to you like Siri? Or can I talk to you like a normal person?”

You were startled to hear Youngho’s loud snort in the corner of the room, but instead of him being the one to answer, Johnny did.

“You can talk to me like a normal person, don’t worry.” Johnny shook his head. “If it makes you comfortable, you can view me as a human if you’d like. I’m not that much different than you actually. We’re just wired differently.”

“Hey,” Youngho’s stern voice caught both of your attention. “Be proud of who you are, whether you are a human or robot. We’ve been through this John.”

Johnny nodded. “Right, right. My apologies.”

Youngho hated it when Johnny tried to tell others to view him as a human. Not because he believed that Johnny was trying to fool people, but because being a robot is his identity, and he should be proud of that. Sure, it’s not likely that Johnny could feel the feeling of pride, but Youngho could tell that Johnny was insecure. It worried him, but he didn’t want to tap into his database to change anything since he wants Johnny to be as authentic as possible. So for now, Youngho is keeping track of Johnny’s growth as an AI person.

Soon, Youngho was finished with setting up Johnny’s station. In the corner of the guestroom stood a white podium with a screen built in the middle of it. He let out a deep breath of satisfaction as he stepped back and dusted his hands off.

Before you could ask what it was, Youngho was already answering your unspoken question. “This is Johnny’s Communication Center. Every night he’ll have to transfer data from his system so that we’ll know what he’s been up to and see if he’s made any improvements. That’s if he’s not with me at the lab.” Suddenly, his face grew serious. “For legal reasons, I have to let you know that this station is strictly off-limits. There’s confidential information in here that belongs to LSM Inc.”

Even though you were curious, the last thing you wanted to do was get involved with the law, so you took note of his warning. Hopefully, it isn’t something regarding the invasion of privacy.

You shook your head before you could scare yourself even further. Positive thoughts. Think positive thoughts.

“Alright, on that note, I think my work here is done!” Youngho announced. “Can I talk with you in private?” He asked suddenly, pointing a finger at you.

“Me?” You had to double-check whether he was really talking to you or not. He chuckled as he nodded his head, confirming your wonders. “Oh, okay.”

You followed the man out of the room, leaving Johnny to check out the place he’ll be living in for the next few months.

After the two of you reached your living room, Youngho began to speak. “Hey, so, I really want to thank you for working with us on this project. I heard that you’re not the biggest fan of AI’s, so I was surprised to hear you signed the contract.”

You held back from rolling your eyes as the memories of your boss came up. “It’s not like I really had a choice.” You smiled softly and shook your head.

He tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

You tensed up when you realized what you just said. As much as you did not want to do this job, you made it your goal to remain as professional as possible for the sake of your reputation. After working in the entertainment industry for some years, you learned to keep your personal feelings apart from your job. If- no, when you do end up quitting the job after three months, at least LSM won’t be able to say anything negative about you.

Refraining from explaining yourself, you shook your head once more. “Nevermind what I said. Johnny will be safe in my care!”

Youngho pouted, his eyes scanning your face. He wanted you to elaborate, but he had no time to talk further. He needed to get back to the lab.

“Well, I hope so. Call me if you need anything. I need to get going.”

Nodding, you waved goodbye to him before seeing him off. Your feet ended up taking you back to your guest bedroom, where you found Johnny sitting at the end of the bed, staring at the wall in front of him. You caught his attention after you cleared your throat, and instead of staring at you with that lifeless gaze, he smiled brightly.

You mustered up the courage to walk up to him, still stopping some feet away though. Crossing your arms, you tried to think of what to say. While you thought, he examined your face, trying his best to read your expression so he to could come up with something to talk about. The silence was awkward for you, but Johnny never sensed the discomfort. He was happy to be here with you. You are the gold coin on his road to success, so he decided to cherish you.

“So… it’s quite early and I usually don’t head to the studio until the evening. Is there anything you wanted to do?” You asked.

“There isn’t anything I can think of…” he shrugged his shoulders.

Suddenly, your stomach grumbled and your hand covered it as a reflex. You were so nervous this morning that you didn’t have much of an appetite, but hunger was catching up to you now.

“I didn’t have breakfast yet.” You laughed nervously. “Are you… able to eat anything?” You felt weird asking such a question since he’s a robot after all, but who knows what he can and cannot do? Technology is so advanced these days. Besides, isn’t he made to live like a human anyway?

In all truthfulness though, Johnny isn’t allowed to eat-- sometimes. In special cases, he can nibble on a snack, but eating a full course meal was a no-go. But Johnny was aware of your discomfort of being with him, and he was determined to make you feel the opposite. As long as he doesn’t clog his gears, taking the risk should be okay.

“I know of this breakfast house Youngho likes to go to every now and then. Do you want to go there?”

Your face lit up at the suggestion. You were more excited at the thought of being around others rather than eating. Being in the house alone with Johnny was really starting to suffocate you, and you needed out immediately. Maybe some fresh air and being surrounded by humans will make you feel somewhat better.

The two of you were quick to leave the apartment after you accepted the offer. Johnny led the way to the restaurant, and on your way, he let you know that it was not far from your home. Come to find out, it was within walking distance. You wondered how you never noticed the humble breakfast house, but after thinking about it for a while, you realized that you are always on the go. Ever since you moved to your apartment, you never took the time to stop and get to know your surroundings.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny’s question snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh… nothing, just thinking.” Finally, you noticed that you were standing in front of the restaurant. “Let’s head inside.”

Surprisingly, Johnny was easy to talk to. Even though he had somewhat awkward responses to your questions, it was never boring or dry. You got to know about his life in the lab, and even how Youngho decided to grow his hair out because people mistook him for Johnny so many times. His story was so interesting, and it kept you on your toes, itching to hear more. It was beyond what you could ever imagine.

“So what is your goal?” You suddenly asked.

He tilted his head in curiosity. “Can you elaborate for me please?”

“You know, like what’s your goal as a singer? Or even just as a living being?”

He sat back in his seat as he pondered on the simple, yet deep question. It’s something he’s never had time to think about. Actually, it’s something he never considered thinking about. Ever since he was first powered up, he has always been working. But working towards what, is the question he began to ask himself.

“I… honestly don’t know.” He shook his head after moments of thinking.

“Really?” Your eyes grew wide at his response. “If that’s the case, then why do you expect to learn how to write music? You need to have some desire or passion to do so.”

He crossed his arm over his chest and rested his chin on his other hand. “I guess you’re right… But how do I find out what my goal is?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “What are you living for? What’s your purpose? You have to ask yourself these types of questions.”

It worried Johnny that he didn’t have a passion despite calling himself a music artist. But he knew he needed to figure it out fast because he really does want to be successful in this field. But is there anything really to work for being the person he is?

***

The next day, you were back at the lab for Johnny’s first checkup. The first night at the studio was not a success, which wasn’t surprising considering that he had nothing to write about. This was exactly what you were afraid of. No matter how busy he might be, he hasn’t gotten the real human experience, so what really can he write about? Hard drives and wires?

“Hey Babysitter!” Youngho greeted you cheerfully after spotting you and Johnny some feet away.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Babysitter?”

“Yeah, you are taking care of my kid after all.” He laughed, ruffling Johnny’s hair, to which Johnny slapped his hand away. “How was the first day?”

You sighed deeply, thinking about yesterday’s events. “It went okay, but we made no progress in the studio.”

Youngho smacked his lips. “Well, that’s alright. We still have six months ahead of us. There’s still time left.”

“That’s true.” You nodded your head. “But on the bright side, Johnny treated me to the best breakfast I had in a while! So brownie points for that.”

Your words came out too fast for Johnny to stop you. He froze, his hand slapping his mouth in shock. He is dead meat.

“He didn’t eat with you, did he?” Youngho blinked at you. Sensing the tension in the air, you nodded slowly, but kept your mouth shut. “Oh my-” Youngho stepped back as if he was about to faint.

He clenched his fist against his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. You felt like you did something wrong, but you just couldn’t figure out what. You were sure Johnny would tell you if you did.

“Johnny, just head to the back, okay?” Youngho said, his eyes still closed.

“Yes sir.” Johnny rushed away without another word.

“Did I do something wrong...?” You asked shyly.

“No you didn’t, don’t worry.” Youngho sighed. “He knows better. If he eats too much he could clog his gears. But mostly, I just hate cleaning him out, it’s so tedious!” He groaned at the thought of all the clumps of food he has to take out.

“Oh my gosh! I wouldn’t have let him if I have known!” You exclaimed.

Youngho shook his head. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. He seems to be functioning well, so he should be fine.”

You were worried at the thought of Johnny breaking while under your supervision. Imagine getting sued by a company that handles AI’s? Your life would be over! You can’t let that happen, you won’t allow it to happen.

“Is there any way for me to know if he’s okay or not? Like does he feel pain or no?” You asked. You needed to know just in case you had to rush back to the lab if anything happens. You’re not going to be the blame for anything.

“Yes, and no.” Youngho went on to explain. “He can feel you if you tap him on the shoulder, but if you punch him, it’ll still feel like a mere tap. But the only time he does feel pain is when something in his system malfunctions.” You tilted your head, still not catching on. He found your expression cute, and he couldn’t hold back a smile. “Just think about it: when you’re using your phone, it can feel your taps as you scroll. But if you drop it on the ground, you don’t hear it screaming out in pain.”

“Ah, I think I get it now!” You nodded your head fervently.

“Right! But we did program him to feel some type of pain just so we will know if something wrong is happening to the important parts.”

“That makes a lot of sense… Man, you guys really have it all laid out huh?” You couldn’t help but be impressed at the amount of thought that went into creating Johnny.

“Yeah, well, it’s nothing much.” Johnny shoved his hands in his pockets as he shrugged nonchalantly. As laid back as he was acting, nothing could hide the blush that crept onto his face. He’s a sucker for people acknowledging his work.

“Well, as much as I want to argue with you about that, I have to get to my schedule! Kun is waiting for me outside and I can’t keep him waiting. I’ll be back soon!” You waved as you began to walk away.

Youngho waved back to you as he watched you exit the lab. He sighed to himself, not knowing what he was going to do with Johnny. But knowing that it is best to get the job done now rather than later, Youngho dragged his feet to the operation room where Johnny would be waiting.

Johnny tensed up once Youngho entered the room, and he avoided eye contact in hopes he wouldn’t blow up at him. Thankfully, Youngho didn’t have the energy to yell.

“Why did you do that?” The scientist asked simply.

“She was uncomfortable and hungry, so it was the only thing I could think of.” Johnny justified his past actions, but Youngho wasn’t having any of it.

“Let’s just get this over with, and then we’ll check your data.” Youngho sighed as he started to prep for the cleanup.

“Wait, wait! I have a question.” Johnny stopped him. “Do you have a goal?”

Youngho was taken aback by the sudden question. “Yes… I think so? I guess it depends on what the goal is for.” He wasn’t very sure if he had a set goal, but he did know that he is satisfied where he is right at this moment. The only thing he is concerned about is making sure #S127 remains on the rise.

“Do you think… I’m able to have a goal?”

“You can have the goal of winning a Grammy!” Youngho suggested.

Johnny scoffed. “Well, yeah, but I’m talking about for myself. Am I able to find a goal or a passion at least for myself?”

Youngho blinked at his robot. He was at a loss for words. It seems like a simple yes or no question, but there are levels to it. The right answer to this question was up in the air somewhere, and Youngho was finding a hard time finding it. What in the world did you do to his bot?

“I’m sure you can if you put your mind to it,” Youngho answered. He grabbed his phone and began texting you, suggesting that the two of you grab coffee when you get back to the lab. He needed to talk to you to figure out the meaning behind Johnny’s words.

Some hours later, you were at a Starbucks near the lab sitting across from Youngho. You were nervous you did something bad after all, but you couldn’t get yourself to figure out what you’ve done. But thankfully, Johnny was the first to speak.

“So, Johnny asked me a question that kind of shocked me. I’m supposing you asked him the same question yesterday.” He began.

“What question are you talking about?” You asked.

“If he has a goal. He’s been thinking about it really hard.”

You felt as if a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. You thought of something way worse, even though you talked to Johnny a handful of times yesterday, and the conversations the two of you had were never bad or questionable. Your nervousness always found a way to get to you still.

“Well yeah! He needs to have a passion in order to be a real artist. And to have a passion, he needs to have a goal.” You nodded.

“Are you sure he can have a passion? He’s a robot.”

You were surprised at his response. “Aren’t you the one who created him? I thought you would know this! Writing songs isn’t just jotting down words on a piece of paper you know. It’s much more to it than that.”

Youngho sighed. You’re right, and it bothered him. It’s not you that he’s bothered by, but the fact that he really doesn’t have everything figured out. He’s so used to being a genius and having questions answered before people could even ask them, but the fact that he doesn’t have an answer prepared for something as simple as this messed with his head. How did he expect to make a successful idol group if his idols can’t even write music on their own?

“I could always just give you a song to use.” You suggested.

“No, I don’t want that,” Youngho answered quickly. “We do that every comeback. We need to actually make some improvements.”

You took a sip of your coffee as you watched Youngho try to figure out what to do. You knew Johnny writing his own song was too good to be true, but you have to admit, there is a part of you that believes in him. If he can read and understand human emotion, there are chances for him to be able to write a decent song.

“What was your purpose in making Johnny and the other guys in the group?” You asked suddenly.

Youngho frowned at the memories that came up in his mind. “I actually didn’t create Johnny and the others to be idol singers.” You furrowed your eyebrows at the bombshell. “I actually intended for them to be soldiers.”

Your jaw dropped. You would have never thought of #S127 fighting in a war. It’s a complete 180 from what they are doing right now.

“What made you change your mind?!” To say you were shocked would be an understatement.

“I didn’t change my mind.” He laughed. “The government rejected my offer, but they told me about LSM Inc. and now here I am. Lee Soo Man suggested that I use my bots to make an idol group, and I wanted nothing to do with it. But it was either I make a group, or be broke with robots that have no purpose.”

So he was in a similar situation that you’re in right now. It made you feel happy to see that he seems to enjoy his current circumstances, but still, you can’t get yourself to accept that you have to share competition with AIs who can’t even figure out how to write a song on their own. Despite that, you were growing fond of Johnny, and you wanted him to be able to find his passion. He’s the only AI you would allow to win.

“I would have never thought of Johnny being a soldier.” You laughed, shaking your head. “Considering that this is your current circumstance, you need to figure out if they’re able to create their own goals for themselves. I understand the base goal is to win awards at big music shows and hit the charts, but there needs to be a better foundation.”

Youngho couldn’t help but admire you as you gave your advice. Not only are you beautiful, but you’re thoughtful, and the more you spoke, the more it attracted him to you. Where were you when he needed you the most? The company has worked with so many different artists before you, but you’re the only one that is actually helping. He just wanted to take you into his arms and thank you repeatedly at this moment.

From here on out, Youngho was determined to find out what Johnny’s goal is. Whether it is impossible or not, he is going to make sure Johnny becomes the best songwriter there is.

***

The three months had gone by before you knew it, and in all honesty, you didn’t want to quit the job. Johnny and you had grown closer the more you worked together, and you enjoyed seeing his progress as he worked to become a better and more authentic writer. And Youngho and you also hit it off very well, becoming closer friends the more you talked. You also realized that you were catching feelings for the scientist, but you ignored it, believing that it was nothing but a simple crush. ‘It will pass overtime,’ you would tell yourself.

Kun on the other hand did nothing to remind you of the deal that you made with him since he knew you forgot about it. He enjoyed seeing you have fun made him happy, he never liked seeing you in a sour mood. He too has gotten close with Youngho as well after going out drinking with him and Doyoung several times. Just like tonight.

This time, you decided to join the guys tonight for drinks at the bar. Once you found out Kun was hanging out with the two scientists, you felt left out and invited yourself to the next outing. It wasn’t like they minded though since they love your company.

“So, I heard that you don’t really like AI’s Y/N. Can I ask you why that is?” Doyoung asked.

You poked your lip out as you thought. “Well, it’s mainly because nothing they do feels true to me. It’s all programmed. Not only that, but they’re slowly taking over our jobs. I’m not exactly comfortable with that.”

Youngho shook his head. “I get what you’re saying, but that’s not necessarily true. AI’s, at least the ones we make at LSM, is made to function like humans. So everything they do is learned after we establish a little bit of a foundation we put in their program. And there are still significantly more humans who have jobs than AI’s, but I do get your concern.”

What he said had you thinking. You supposed he was right, but you still felt so odd about it. But you figured it’s just something that you’re going to have to learn to accept as time goes on. The only AI you trust is Johnny, and that’s all that matters to you right now.

“You might be right, but it’s going to take me some time to get used to them. I like Johnny at least.” You shrugged.

“And that’s all I need to hear.” Youngho smiled widely.

You giggled at his antics. “Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom really quickly. I’ll be back. Don’t buy any more drinks without me!”

“No promises!” Kun called after you, laughing afterward.

Youngho tapped his glass, trying to decide whether the question he has is worth asking or not. But he needed to muster up the courage since it’s an important question. For him at least.

“Hey, Kun, I have a question.” Youngho started.

“Hit me.” Kun nodded.

“Do you… like Y/N?”

Kun threw his head back in laughter. “What?! Where did that come from?”

Youngho could only scratch the back of his neck and let out a small laugh. He was embarrassed, but it’s something he has been wondering about forever now.

“He’s been waiting to ask that question for ages!” Doyoung exclaimed. “He wouldn’t stop bugging me about it.”

“Well, to answer your question, no I don’t. She’s like a sister to me.” Kun shook his head simply. “You should ask her out on a date. I’m sure she’d like that.”

Youngho shook his head fervently. “I don’t know if I can do that. Not right now at least.”

“You never know until you do it.” Doyoung sing-songed. Kun couldn’t help but laugh.

“Shut up, she’s coming back!” Youngho whisper yelled.

For the rest of the night, Youngho thought about you as the four of you enjoyed more drinks. He knew he had feelings for you, but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same as he did. For now, he just wanted to take more time to read your actions before he let you know of his feelings. He needs time to muster up the courage.

The four of you decided to end the night after realizing how tipsy you have gotten. Kun realized that you had a packed schedule the next day, so they needed to get you home immediately. He already knew you were going to regret it later on.

Kun had made sure you got up to your apartment safely. You stopped him at the door, saying that you could get in the house yourself, and just go home. He at least opened the door for you before leaving, hoping that you’ll get to bed right away rather than finding things to do around the house.

When you entered your home, you began to drag your feet toward your room, that was until Johnny stopped you in the hallway.

He leaned forward and sniffed. “Were you drinking?”

You giggled. “Yeah, I was.”

“You might want to get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.” Johnny pouted at your condition. Looking at how you were, you for sure were going to experience a hand hangover in the morning.

“Yeah, yeah, I will.” You waved him off. You stepped forward to start going to your room, but you paused and stepped back. You looked up at Johnny and sucked in a sharp breath as you thought. “You look a lot like Youngho.”

Johnny blinked, confused at the sudden revelation. “I am aware of that.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Are you just saying that because you are Youngho? Are you trying to fool me?” You poked your finger into his chest.

“No…” Johnny wasn’t sure how to respond to your absurd words. He’s never been in this situation before.

“Well, Youngho, goodnight. I will see you tomorrow.” You smiled at him. Rather than leaving, you stood there, staring up at who you believed to be Youngho through your heavy eyelids. Suddenly you got on your toes and pecked his lips softly. “Rest well Youngho.”

Johnny stood in shock after you left to your room. What was he going to tell Youngho? He has never allowed this to happen before. The kiss was so unexpected that he couldn’t dodge it! He hoped he wouldn't get in trouble.

The next day, Johnny was at the lab for the daily check-in.

“How was the night at the Babysitter’s?” Youngho asked as he plugged Johnny’s chip into his computer to retrieve yesterday’s data.

“She kissed me.” Johnny found himself blurting.

“She what?!” Youngho squeaked.

“She kissed me.” He repeated.

Youngho couldn’t believe his ears. He shook his head, slapping his hand on his forehead. “Huh?!”

“She kissed me—“

“I heard you the first two times!” Youngho yelled.

Youngho suddenly turned around to his computer and rushed to retrieve any video data if there were any. And there was. The camera hidden behind Johnny’s eyes wasn’t always on, but they only started recording if Johnny felt that he needed to. Youngho played the video, nervous about what he’s about to see. But all that worry washed away after seeing your drunken smile. Seeing you kiss his robot amused him more than he thought, as he couldn’t help but snort and laugh hysterically at what he just watched. It was something he never thought he would see or even hear about.

“She thought I was you,” Johnny revealed, which shut Youngho’s laughter up.

“W-Wait, really?” He was shocked.

“Yeah. She kept calling me Youngho.” Johnny nodded. “I think she likes you.”

A blush crept up Youngho’s neck, and he couldn’t hold back the grin on his face. Knowing that you had the same feelings he currently has sent him over the moon. He just wished you kissed him rather than his lookalike.

Youngho waited until the evening to talk to you so that you were free from all your schedules. The two of you spoke at the convenience store near your apartment, enjoying a canned beverage.

“So… Johnny found out what his goal is,” Youngho revealed.

You gasped, clapping your hand over your mouth. “For real? What is it?” You were slightly disappointed that you didn’t know what it was first since you’re the one that is with him most of the time, but you could care less since the whole point is that he knows what he’s working for now.

“Well, his goal is to gain more of a human understanding. He wants to be able to truly write a song. And he found a passion in… people, to simply put it.” Youngho chuckled. “He talks more and asks more questions than he has ever had before.”

“That’s great! I’m so glad, I was really rooting for him.” You cooed.

“I just want to thank you so much. He has been making so much improvement since he started working with you. You really helped us out. You helped him out.” Youngho smiled softly.

“Oh it’s no biggie. I’m glad I was of some help.” You laughed. “He’s the one who did most of the work, so the credit should go to him.”

“I’m supposing that’s why you kissed him then? Because you’re proud of him?” Youngho asked suddenly, a playful smirk on his face.

“What?” Your eyes grew wide in shock. “I kissed him?”

Youngho’s cackles filled the air. “You don’t remember? Ah, I suppose you wouldn’t since you were so drunk last night. Johnny told me you thought he was I, and you kissed him.”

Your fingertips touched your lips after the memories started coming back to you. “Oh my gosh!” You groaned, dragging your hands down your face. “This is so embarrassing!”

“Don’t be embarrassed! Actually, I’m quite flattered.” Youngho reassured you. “Just be sure to kiss me next time.”

You brought your hands down from your face so you could get a good look at his expression. You had to figure out whether he was joking or not.

And to answer your unspoken question, he cupped your cheek with his hand and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“Please tell me this feeling is mutual.” You whispered.

Youngho chuckled, poking your nose as he sat back in his seat.

“Don’t worry. I want you to be mine as much as you want me to be yours. You have me baby.”

[fanmoose12]

Hi :) Do you have any HC of Levihan in Hizuru? I sometimes wonder how Levi reacted when he first saw Hange in that pensuit...

Hange had been going at it for hours. The sun wasn't even up yet, and Levi was already woken up by various bangs and hisses coming from the cabin next to him.

It didn't end there. Soon hisses turned into sighs and huffs and quiet muttering, and even if Levi wanted to (they still had a few hours before they would reach the shore) he couldn't fall back asleep.

He thought of going to Hange, of asking if she needed help, but Hange had an annoying habit of snapping at him whenever she was nervous, and, clearly, she was very nervous now.

It was understandable, really. Levi himself was wary of this mission - travelling to a foreign country so far away from their little island and the walls that surrounded it.

There once was a time, when he thought the Underground was big. But then he met Erwin, Hange and all the others and saw the world up above and realized that Underground couldn't compare with the vastness of the open fields and the feeling of fresh air on his face.

And then... then it turned out that their little island was indeed that - little. The world around it was much bigger. And lot more complicated.

Hange was the one in charge of their island now. She was the one who had to make the first steps and she was also the one who had to lead them forward.

Levi could only imagine how scary it was for her.

Still, it didn't excuse the neverending ruckus in her cabin. They were almost at the shore, she needed to get out of there.

Meaning... Levi had to go and get her out of there.

He sighed and left his cabin to go and knock on the door of Hange's.

Without waiting for her answer, he walked in and leaned against the doorway.

"We're almost there," he said, his gaze slowly taking in the state of the cabin and Hange herself. She was standing with her back facing him, but still, from what he could see...

Everything wasn't.... as bad as he had imagined.

"So get your shit and let's go," he urged, when Hange didn't react to his words. "The brats are ready."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Hange muttered. "I need... I need to finish a few things."

"What things?" Levi rolled his eyes, striding up to her. "Hange, c'mon, we need to go."

"I know, I just-" her voice broke on the last word and her whole body shook, as she took a shuddering breath.

"Hange..." Levi curled a hand around her shoulder, doing his best to sound gentle. "I know you're nervous, but you have no reason to."

Hange scoffed. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one everyone would be looking at. Not the one who will be judged and observed and-"

Oh no. This was bad. This was not simple snapping. Hange was close to hyperventilating and that meant she was close to losing it, and that meant the whole ship was in danger.

He needed to do something.

Levi sighed and grasped her hands, cutting her off. He sat her down and then joined her on a small bed. "Everything will be fine," he said in a tone he hoped was convincing enough. "You will do fine and everyone else will do fine and nothing will go wrong. And even if something does go wrong, you'll use your big brain and give us a solution, as you always do. This is nothing you haven't done before. Just think of it as another expedition."

"But it's not another expedition," Hange huffed, but - Levi noticed - she was already more relaxed than before. "There won't be any titans and swords and horses."

"Think of everyone else as titans," Levi shrugged. "And do what you do best."

"Research them?"

"And cut them down when it doesn't work."

Hange laughed, almost back to her usual self. Almost. But not completely.

"They're not titans, though," she whispered, biting at her lip. "They can't eat me or rip me apart, but they can... crush me. Metaphorically, at least."

Levi tsked, elbowing her in the side. "Then use your swords. Metaphorical ones."

"But I don't have metaphorical swords, Levi. I don't even have a real one."

"Your metaphorical sword," he said, brushing the hair out of her face. "Is right there," he tapped at her temple. "So go and cut them all like you used to. And, don't worry, I'll be right beside you."

He squeezed her hand once, before letting go and standing up.

"Gosh," Hange hid face in her hands. "When did you become so good at pep talk, shorty?"

"Years of living with you, four-eyes," he threw back, his lips lifting up slightly at seeing Hange at ease again.

"Alright," Hange rose to her feet, grabbing her hat. "Do I look presentable enough?" she asked before putting on the hat.

"You look alright," Levi nodded approvingly.

Wearing that dark suit that followed every curve of her body, Hange looked more than just alright, but that was... A revelation for another time.

Now it would only freak her out more. Or... make her tease him mercilessly.

He wasn't ready to deal with that.

Right now, at least.

"Hurry up," he urged her once again. "If you stop worrying over stupid shit, we can go and eat that ice-cream the brats had been obsessing over."

"Oh?" Hange's face lightened.

Like a kid who was shown a candy, Levi shook his head.

"Will you buy me one?" she asked, adopting those puppy eyes Levi hated so much. Because... he could never say no to them.

"If you stop worrying about stupid shit," he repeated, pushing her forward. "I'll buy as much ice-cream as you want."

"Deal!" Hange exclaimed and linked her arm with Levi's, leading him out of the cabin.

It seemed like she was back to her bubbly, insufferable self.

Levi could breathe easily, knowing that at least this storm was averted.

[sostanotes]

A Timeline of Lumity

So I’ve been thinking about Lumity; honestly, I’ve been pondering this meta since “Escaping Expulsion”. I’ve seen some people that said that Luz’ blush was the moment she started crushing on Amity. I’m with all the people yelling at them that ‘no, it’s not’. But when did it start?

I’m going to try and break down both of their feelings and how they’ve grown and developed. I’m going to use a plant metaphor to talk about the stages (Willow would be proud of me); details of the metaphor and the analysis are under the cut.

The metaphor is nothing new, really; people have been using plant and seed metaphors for feeling (especially romantic ones) for a long time. Still, I’m going to define my terminology just to make things clear:

Tilled: At this stage, we don’t have a seed yet. This is the foundation for the seed, the moment when friendship begins/is possible; or the moment that one sees the hidden qualities of the their future crush that will become the foundation for that crush.

Planted: At this stage, we still have a seed. This isn’t a crush yet, but that nebulous stage between friendly feelings and something else. I don’t know if other people feel attraction this way, but *I* certainly did. This may be the same as what some people call ‘puppy love’.

Sprouted: At this stage, it’s a real crush; but it’s small, vulnerable, and easy to overlook. The person isn’t blushing yet, in fact, they don’t even realize that their feelings have changed yet.

Budding: At this stage, we start to get blushing. This is the point the person with a crush REALIZES they have a crush.

Blossoming: At this stage, it’s something more. Now, we can sit here and argue all day about ‘can a 14-year-old feel ‘true love’ (whatever THAT means)’. Regardless, what I mean by this is that this is the point the person moves *past* blushing and being awkward, and starts taking real steps towards establishing something. It’s also a process: plants produce a lot of buds, and they don’t all open quickly or at the same time; but we can certainly identify certain buds-to-blossoms moments in these two.

So I’m going to take this timeline for them both; I’ll list episodes below that I think show development from one stage to another (bolding my keywords), and color key names just to make it clear who we’re talking about.

1.5 “Covention”: This is the moment that things get tilled for Luz. She was making an attempt to patch things up with Amity after the event in “I Was a Teenage Abomination”. I wouldn’t even say she was trying to befriend Amity yet, just smoothing out the misunderstanding, trying to get back to 0. But at the end, she see’s Amity’s facade crack, realizes there’s someone quite different under the face she puts on for the world.

1.6 “Hoot’s Moving Hassle”: No real development here, just furthering tilling for Luz. She learns the fact that Amity and Willow used to be friends. Combined with her knowledge that the Amity the world sees is a mask, Luz probably starts to think that Willow’s childhood friend is still in there; given how cool Gus is, and that Willow is willing to be friends with her, Luz must feel that befriending the ‘real’ Amity is possible, and worthwhile.

1.7 “Lost in Language”: Hoo-boy. The—first—big one. This could easily be the place where the seed of Luz’ crush gets planted. At a minimum, her urge to develop this friendship kicks into high gear; she see’s more of Amity’s vulnerable side and learns that Amity’s just as much of an Azura nerd as she is. As for Amity, this is the tilling stage for her; I can even pinpoint the to major points: 1) Luz makes her laugh as they run from Otabin, and 2) Luz offers Azura 5. At this point, they’re friends, its new and tenuous for both of them, but I’d argue they are definitely friends by the end of the episode (regardless of what Amity says out loud).

1.12 “Adventures in the Elements”: After the previous mini-arc of development, we the audience haven’t seen Amity for a while; Luz has been in contact with her at least once, since they arranged a meet-up for Amity to return Luz’ Azura book. Now, if the seed of Luz’ crush wasn’t planted in “Lost in Language” it definitely is here; specifically, I’d say when Amity put up the barrier; yes, Luz was down in the dumps at that moment for all sorts of reasons, but subconsciously, she likely picked up on the care in Amity’s warning of “You’ll only get hurt”. That’s not what most people say in this sort of situation, and that may have trickled back into Luz brain. And I’d say Luz heroism after meeting up with Amity in the cave, and or the cuteness of her proposed Azura Book Club, is what likely planted the seed of Amity’s crush. Yes, she blushes near the end, but that’s as much embarrassment at Ed and Em’s teasing as anything else.

1.13 “The First Day”: Maybe Amity’s crush as sprouted, maybe not, but it’s explicit proof that there is one.

1.15 “Understanding Willow”: Our second big episode. This is our first Amity blush; even though I put blushing with budding, I’d argue that Amity is still in the sprouting stage at this point. Amity blushes from embarrassment and is *not* used to physical affection. So if we don’t claim “The First Day” as the sprouting, then it happens here; otherwise, you could argue this is the first sign of budding. Possibly more important (as much as I love watching Amity blush), I think *THIS* is the moment that Luz’ crush sprouts. It’s somewhere inside Willow’s mind, possibly in the second-round cleanup we don’t get to see, and I’ll talk about why in later episodes.

1.16 “Enchanting Grom Fright”: And here comes big one #3 immediately. Amity’s crush is definitely budding at this point; she’s trying to make her moves, but is mostly too embarrassed to do it, only overcoming it in the face of Luz’ encouragement, and even then ducking out of the full reveal. And Luz definitely shows signs that her crush has sprouted. She’s always thrown herself completely into helping her friends, but her energy here just seems, higher. Maybe it’s just me, but the tone of her enthusiasm seems to have changed. But if you don’t buy that, maybe the dance is the moment that her crush sprouts.

1.17 “Wing It Like Witches”: And big episode #4 completes a trifecta of episodes. We get blushing disaster Amity showing off her crush in full bud; she’s like some of our rose bushes at this point: full to bursting with buds, but no sign of the color in the blossom yet. And then Luz; you can argue the previous episode, but there’s no denying that she lights up when Amity comes into view—there’s a freaking musical cue—so her crush is officially sprouted.

2.2 “Escaping Expulsion”: And season 2 continues to come out swinging. Amity shows the first signs of blossoming here, like a rosebud that’s still closed, but you can see the color it will be starting to peak out. She’s making moves: some, like the fairy pie, she couches in other contexts, and others, like her Big Damn Hero moment swinging in to protect Luz being field by adrenaline; either way, she knows how she feels, she just can’t usually bring herself to act on it. And we get Luz’ first blush; this is the moment Luz *realizes* she’s smitten, this is the moment the crush begins to bud.

2.5 “Through the Looking Glass Ruins”: And now Luz is a blushy mess around Amity. And everyone but Amity seems to have realized how Luz feels; even Gus, who seemed mostly oblivious to Amity’s feelings last season. Luz is full in the budding stage at the beginning of this episode; she KNOWS she has a crush on Amity, but her own self-worth too low for her to admit it. And things start to go so wrong. But then, the end. Amity looses herself in the moment again and we get that cheek kiss. This is our first full blossom from Amity; but consider Luz’ reaction. Luz doesn’t blush, like Amity does when she realizes what she’s done; Luz is just… stunned. And her eyes grow wide and sparkle, as we’ve seen them do while blushing. I’m fairly sure that was Luz realizing that Amity like her back, and that pushed her own feelings into their own blossoming.

So that’s what we’ve seen so far, but I’ve got some further speculation. The next move is Luz’; whether that’s a clear confession, or at LEAST a reciprocal cheek-kiss—likely at the end of “Eclipse Lake”. I fully believe that they are going to be *TOGETHER* before the end of the season; best possible world they start dating at the end of “Eclipse Lake”. I don’t want to get my hopes that high, though.

So that’s my thoughts. I’ve run 4 pages of text so I’m stopping here. If you have thoughts, feel free to add them on or send them to me. I welcome the discussion.

[sailormoonandme]

Why does Usagi think Mamoru might leave/cheat on her?

Occasionally during Sailor Moon R, S and SuperS Usagi seemed to have these moments of insecurity where she was concerned that Mamoru was either interested in other people or else other people might make a play for him.

The real life reason for this I suspect is simply because Sailor Moon has a lot of sitcom sensibilities alongside it’s romantic elements, so milking comedy from a romantic topic by having our lead act over the top or goofy is a logical writing tool to reach for. Especially when you have such a large quantity of episodes to produce.

However, I have a more in-universe explanation to propose.

In real life Usagi’s behaviour would most likely be connected to trust issues with her partner, with other people or else concerns about her own inadequacies. However, I don’t think that’s the case here.

Rather, I think it’s actually far more connected to the numerous times Usagi has loved and ‘lost’ Mamoru.

Back in the Silver Millennium days there was this low key implication that romantic mingling between the Moon Princess and Earth Prince was somehow forbidden. After all when Endymion came to the Moon and tried to warn Serenity about Metalia and Beryl the royal guards chased him away and he needed to disguise himself. So from Serenity’s POV the social system she was living in was limiting her ability to be with the man she loved and made their future together at best uncertain.  

Now, I admit that’s perhaps a bit too big of an extrapolation to draw from, especially for the anime version of the characters where we got far less info about their past lives. However, the more significant part here is the fact that Endymion was taken from her when he was killed by the Dark Kingdom. Seeing her lover murdered in front of her whilst her home were also being destroyed (and her friends killed) would obviously be very traumatic, particularly if Serenity was mentally and physically the equivalent of a fourteen year old like Usagi.  

In her next life she was crushing very hard on Tuxedo Mask who routinely showed up to aid her and then rarely lingered. That’s not exactly traumatic, but the early days of their relationship would’ve still been founded by Usagi seeing the person she wants to stick around and spend time with her leave her when she wouldn’t want him to.

She also feared Tuxedo Mask had died in episode 13 when Jadeite announced that he’d killed him. True, he was revealed as alive and well shortly afterwards, but the horror of that moment (however brief it may’ve been) could’ve stuck with Usagi.

Then, in the iconic 34th episode of the show, Mamoru was violently impaled right in front of her. We can debate if he died and was consequently revived by the Dark Kingdom or if he was merely close to death before his abduction. But either way that’d inevitably be an instance where Usagi once again traumatically lost the man she loved, or at least came extremely close to doing so if not for the emotion of the moment re-awaking her old memories.

Speaking of which, as episode 35-36 make clear, the mere act of abruptly regaining all her memories would be emotionally wrenching all on it’s own. When combined with the tragic and traumatic nature of those memories, it’s far from unbelievable that subconsciously this would further mark Usagi’s psyche.  

The reveal that her lover is alive but no longer remembers her and is actively a threat to her now would obviously compound this. As would the fact that in episode 36 he uses a rose to hurt her. It’s not a serious wound at all, but he still hurt her and used an object that up until then he’d used explicitly to help and protect her. Within Usagi’s mind his roses would’ve likely been ‘coded’ with positive emotions, so seeing them used in that way would’ve been further upsetting for her, in essence a perversion of what they should  mean to her mind. The roses now being black are an apt metaphor for this point.  

Of course during the final stretch of episodes in season 1 Usagi almost  restores Mamoru. But that’s the key here, she almost  succeeds. First it the ski episode where he briefly seems to break out of his brainwashing and then again in the episode where Ryo (and the other Rainbow Crystal hosts) returns. In the latter she actually succeeds in restoring him to normal but he’s abducted immediately once again. Not only did Usagi lose Mamoru a few more times but her active efforts to bring him back to her failed.

We then come to the most traumatic events in Usagi’s second life (up to that point), episodes 44-46.

In episode 44, not only did she once again re-experience the tragic destruction of the Silver Millennium, but she got a ‘bird’s eye view’ of everything that happened, including the specific moments she, Endymion, her friends and even her mother died. True, her sadness or trauma over everyone else isn’t specific to her losing Endymion/Mamoru, however because these events happen so close together and are connected it’s not unbelievable that Usagi’s mind might’ve created an association. So her pain over seeing her mother die is associated also with her ‘losing’ Endymion as well. By that same token, the death of her beloved friends in episode 45 might’ve consequently become associated with what happened next.  

In episode 46 Usagi is outright attacked by a brainwashed Endymion. First she sees him loyally serving her enemy who (by proxy) murdered her friends like an hour ago. Worse she might’ve picked up on the obvious romantic undertones between Beryl and Endymion, including him kissing her hand, and let’s not forget in the flashback from episode 44 Beryl clearly desired Endymion. Whilst intellectually Usagi might know he’s not in his right mind, emotionally seeing him like that with Beryl in that context could emotionally upset her, almost as though he was betraying their love in the worst possible way.  

Endymion’s efforts against her are also significantly more violent and active than anything he did before since episode 36. Dashing a rose across the back of her hand pales in comparison to ensnaring her and shocking her with his roses. Not to mention trying to slice her up with the very same sword he would’ve used to defend her in the Silver Millennium. Even if you don’t buy into my point about perverting these symbols of their relationship, the mere act of him hurting her and trying to murder her like that is going to obviously be emotionally arresting.

In a sense in those horrible moments for Usagi Endymion/Mamoru really was ‘lost’ to her, he merely looked  like her lover. This I think is why it was significant that she actually fought  back against him with her tiara. But since he still looked like her lover and intellectually she knew he wasn’t to blame (and emotionally hoped he was still salvageable) her own act of self-defence horrified her.  

Of course she does save him, but then he dies again. Depending on how you look at it, from Usagi’s POV this is at least the second  time he’s really died and that number climbs higher if you include his presumed death in episode 13 and the number of times she had to re-experience his death in the Silver Millennium. And that isn’t even counting traumatic dreams about him dying in the aftermath of episodes 34-35. It doesn’t help that his mortal injuries in episode 46 are eerily similar to the ones he sustained in episode 34, namely a violent impalement.

We might even argue this is categorically the worst  instance up until this point of Usagi watching her lover die or seemingly die. In the Silver Millennium she herself died seconds later. In episode 13 they weren’t nearly as close as they’d become by episode 46 and she at least had friends and family in her life she knew she could lean on. This equally applies to Mamoru seemingly dying in episode 34 and even his abduction in episode 35. In fact with Minako, Makoto and Artemis Usagi had an even larger support network than before. In episode 46 though her lover has died in her arms, she’s left to go on and the Inner Senshi are dead, Luna and Artemis aren’t around and the end of the world is imminent. She’s truly all alone in her grief and intellectually she knows that even if somehow she resolves the crisis her support network has been mostly gutted. THEN she herself dies  to defeat Beryl/Metalia and save the world.

She gets her fondest wish, to go back to a normal life, but that’s also taken from her due to the arrival of Ail and An. Yay for Usagi, she gets to have ALL of those traumatic memories from the Silver Millennium rerun through her head AGAIN. And this time they’re complimented by the Hell she went through in losing her friends, her lover and dying herself in the Arctic.  

But hey, at least now she and her lover can finally be together right? Nope. He literally doesn’t know her. He isn’t Endymion. He isn’t Tuxedo Mask. He isn’t the Mamoru she knew and doesn’t even want to know her. Meanwhile a prospective romantic rival is sniffing around him and for all she knows he may well be interested in her. She gets a tiny ray of hope when Moonlight Knight shows up but that’s abruptly squashed when she receives (seemingly) hard proof this guy who seems oh so similar to the man she loves definitely isn’t that man. So her tiny hope of maybe  getting him back is taken from her almost as quickly as it came.

After Ail and An depart Earth Usagi finally   has what she wants…until two episodes later. This time in the cruelest twist of fate for her, it isn’t external forces that tears Mamoru away from her. This time he  takes himself from her. From a certain point of view this is sort of worse than him dying. Usagi knows death and reincarnation are a thing and that magic exists. She already knows that, as traumatic as it might’ve been, the pair have been given more chances than most people to get together. But how is that to happen when Mamoru, in his right mind and fully possessing all his memories, clearly conveys he doesn’t want her. In the same way Tuxedo Mask pulled a disappearing act early on, now Mamoru in normal life begins actively avoiding Usagi and even saying hurtful things to her.  

It is in episode 61 (the break up episode itself) that we arguably first see this insecure side to Usagi where she questions if Mamoru prefers a child under 10 years old to her. From there we also see Mamoru try to hint to her that he’s seeing Unazuki.  

Of course Usagi eventually learns that it WAS another external force pushing them apart again (well sort of but that’s for another day). However, to lose Mamoru again after all she’d already gone through to be with him was emotionally going to be a serious twisting of the knife for her, in addition to his efforts after episode 61 to push her away. The fact that his own desire to be with her caused him to still help and even hang out with her on occasion would’ve further confused her.  

But even after  this mess is cleared up, in Sailor Moon R The Movie: Promise of the Rose Usagi has to witness Mamoru nearly die for her again. And like on other occasions it comes via an impalement right in front of her and a consequent abduction to boot. And the abductee happens to be someone she and her friends suspect might harbor romantic feelings for Mamoru as well, someone who actively insulted her, actively tried to dissuade Mamoru from dating her and who literally  pushed her away from him.  

When taken collectively, I think all these traumas associated with Usagi ‘losing’ Mamoru or otherwise being prevented from being with him would make Usagi subconsciously on the alert for the next  thing that might take him from her.

I propose that this is the actual reason for Usagi’s concerns that Mamoru might like Chibiusa more than her, for why she gets concerned when Ami and Mamoru chat together in S, for why she goes all ninja in SuperS, etc. Deep down she does  trust him and deep down she trusts her friends and doesn’t actually  feel threatened by anyone who might try to hit on Mamoru.

It’s in reality a case of her gripping too tight precisely because the object of her desire has slipped through her fingers far too many times in the past.* Or if you like, from Usagi’s POV destiny might’ve pre-ordained that she fall in love with Mamoru but she may well be concerned that it’s also pre-ordained that they be allowed to enjoy  being in love, not for too long anyway.  

However, I think this in turn set up a great example of character development for our heroine.

First of all, in episode 132 we have Chibiusa outright warning Usagi she has a romantic rival and that if she doesn’t shape up she will  lose Mamoru to her, and yet Usagi shrugs this off. 

Of course, we could argue that this is Usagi trying to simply one up Chibiusa in this moment, or else she is dismissive of the warning precisely because it comes from Chibiusa whom is both a child and someone who makes a point of trolling her. On the other hand we might view this as an example of how Usagi has in fact grown and is more at peace with the idea that she isn’t about to have Mamoru taken from her for the umpteenth time.  

Granted her over reaction in episode 136, wherein she dresses as a ninja to ensure Rei and Mamoru don’t get up to anything, goes against that idea. However, we could just as easily argue that Usagi’s reactions in that episode were an example of her backsliding precisely because of Rei and Mamoru’s history. She might not worry about Rei and Mamoru deep down, but the idea of them living in the same place when they used to date and when she knows how active  Rei was in pursuing him back in the day? It’s not beyond belief that in these specific circumstances Usagi’s resolve faltered whereas she’d have been less concerned if it’d been a stranger or someone with no romantic history with Mamoru.ffff

More significantly though is Sailor Stars. Once more Usagi ‘lost’/nearly lost Mamoru. This time this was due to Queen Nehelenia, whose efforts poisoned the Earth and by extension endangered the life of her lover. Then she did that AGAIN, this time outright brainwashing and abducting him. 

Even if this didn’t remind Usagi of her horrible experiences with Evil Endymion and Beryl, it would’ve still been disturbing and upsetting, especially when Mamoru developed a mirror fetish. Usagi went through Hell and physical torture to try and save her lover and this time the stakes were even higher. Because this time losing him would also mean losing the other person she loved the most, (Chibiusa) a horrible event that she eventually witnessed happen.

Sure, she saved the day and got both her future husband and future daughter back, but she still had to live through those horrible experiences to get to that point.  

And yet, despite these fresh traumas regarding losing her lover, in episode 173 Usagi handles Mamoru leaving for America surprisingly well.

It’s made clear she’s upset by his departure and doesn’t want  him to go. But she comes mere inches from seeing him off with a smile as she intended, demonstrating her increased strength and maturity. 

And despite her tears, despite her not wanting him to go, she still sees him off, she doesn’t try to dissuade him, she isn’t worried that he’ll meet other people or that their relationship will get torn asunder once more. She is sad because they are going to be physically separated by a long distance for a long time, but that’s the only  thing that’s of concern to her. And her reaction even then is relatively reigned in (by her standards) even in the privacy of her own home.  

And from a narrative/emotional POV it is almost like the universe rewards  her for that growth via Mamoru giving her a promise/engagement ring, saying he loves her and kissing her in the airport.

Whilst the significance of the ring is obvious (albeit not to Usagi) we shouldn’t undersell Mamoru’s words or the kiss. 

I’m willing to be corrected on this but I’m fairly certain that episode was the first time Mamoru (not Endymion, not Moonlight Knight talking about  Mamoru, etc) had ever told Usagi he loved her. Of course, his actions spoke louder than words on this front. Even before Usagi knew Mamoru was Tuxedo Mask she suspected the latter rescued her because he was in love with her. Nevertheless, having your partner actually look you in the eye and say the words can be incredibly emotionally significant for a lot of people. In a sense it is the ultimate unambiguous proof of the other person’s feelings (in theory anyway). Even if Usagi hadn’t been waiting to hear him say the words (personally I think her expression implies she had been) it would’ve nevertheless been a significant development in their relationship all the same.  

And as for the kiss, I admit I only vaguely know about Japanese cultural norms regarding PDA, but it is to my understanding that kissing in public is frowned upon. Even if I’m wrong about that, Mamoru (as evidenced by the R movie) certainly doesn’t like to kiss Usagi when anyone else is around. If you go back to check most of their kisses, either they are alone or else it’s obvious Mamoru doesn’t think anyone is observing them. The fact that he kisses Usagi not only in a public space, but an airport of all places (when there are crowds there for three big celebrities no less) is a huge deal for him. And in turn it’s a huge deal for Usagi because, whilst Mamoru might have more reservations, Usagi clearly cared a lot less about PDA, typically being the one to initiate their kisses.  

Consequent episodes further demonstrate Usagi’s growth regarding her old insecurities with Mamoru. Putting aside how we never once see her worried about him seeing other girls, in episode 181 Seiya outright raises the idea of him seeing other people. Usagi casually, without a hint of aggression, dismisses the idea.  

The irony is that it is Usagi  who’s in the situation she so often worried about regarding Mamoru. She is the person being pursued by  romantic rival to her lover, namely Seiya.  

The cruel  irony is that Usagi having matured enough to accept Mamoru leaving (despite being deeply upset and lonely about it) actually had  lost him yet again.  

She just didn’t know it.  

*Not to mention…she is a teenager. Those people tend to be ever so slightly prone to emotional over reactions at the best of times.