#i honestly believe the rumours about him hurting her or her refusing him are just | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ladyanput · 3 years ago

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Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

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#ml salt #miraculous salt #alya salt #lila salt #marinette deserves better

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tommyspeakycap · 3 years ago

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Can I request some chilly fluff? Anything really, just some cute sweet chilly fluff with a little bit of angst maybe?

of course! here's an idea that's been swimming around my brain all day lol

helping hand

ben isn't coping with his newest responsibility and his best friend comes to save the day once again

It's honestly less about the news than it is about the fact that you didn’t here it from him. Texts have gone mostly unanswered since you read that online article you first believed was false, only for it to be confirmed by him. You offered a congratulations despite the pain it brought to you to hear that you had completely lost your chance.

You had probably called him about a million times, each time ringing out and some even being hung up after merely a few rings.

At first, you worried that something had happened. Then you managed to wrangle the news out of Mason that everything was well, you let yourself have those days of utter heartbreak that he had found a girl, started to settle down and then completely cut you out of the picture. This was the first time in all of your 23 years that you hadn't been able to speak to him about things that were going on. He seemed to have completely fogotten about you and you couldn't bring yourself to think of a reason why.

She never really did like you, his girlfriend. You could only imagine it had something to do with the fact that Ben was incredibly close with you. A lot of girls had been unhappy with the fact that while dating Ben, they were subject to teasing that everyone was surprised he was dating when they had thought he was so clearly in love with you. You understand that, it would be irritating but nothing had ever happened between you and Ben that might suggest you would ever get together. People just love a rumour.

What had really hit you, however was seeing her from the Instagram you followed. She didn't even appear to be in London, never mind with him and that made no sense by the timeline you had managed to figure out.

That's how you found yourself standing at his door with what felt like a million bags and a feeling of hurt you had never actually had before. You cornered Mason, refusing to leave until he told you what the hell was going on and when he did, you were gone like a flash with a broken heart to seek out the man who needed you now more than he ever did.

Your heart shatters even more when you step into his house, pushing it open and pulling out the key he gave you a few months ago as you head carefully to the kitchen. You can hear him trying to talk, his voice strained and croaky as he attempts to speak over the sound of the screaming baby girl.

"Come on sweetheart," he begs, "Please take your bottle, I promise you're just tired."

His house is messier than you've ever seen it with gifts unopened, blankets and bottles, baby toys and clothes strewn around everywhere you could see.

You're quick and quiet to get to work clearing the place up, clean clothes being folded and sat in his clean laundry hamper while sorting the dirty things and shoving them into the washing machine by colour before tidying away all the blankets into the baby boxes he had set up in his front room. The infant upstairs screams the entire time you whiz around, throwing an entire bin bag worth of rubbish out of his kitchen before restocking all the shelves and his empty fridge with food for him and milk powder for the little girl. The pizza you shoved in the oven the second you arrived was finished after 15 minutes, so you plated that and left it on the kitchen island before you decided to make you presence known to him.

"Need a helping hand?"

His head whips around rapidly, instinctively tucking his daughter closer into his chest before he recognised your voice and turned his face back away from you. "You shouldn't be here, (y/n)." He mumbles, bouncing his legs to try and get that screeching to stop before he starts crying again himself.

How had everything ended up so messy? He found a girl that he thought he loved, he had his best friends and he had you. She got pregnant and he was ecstatic until she told him she wasn't interested in having a baby. It was too late to do anything about it, so she gave birth to that baby and legally signed over parental rights wholly and fully to a destroyed Ben. You, of course, had to find this out half from the tabloids and half from Mason. Ben was absolutely affronted. He was mortified. How had he gotten himself in this position?

You were the first and only person he wanted to tell. He was desperate to seek out your arms and have an absolute sob to you so you could help him fix this like you do with everything else, but he couldn't bring himself to face you. He cut you off slowly and carefully without even noticing himself because she had coaxed him into it. She played him like a fiddle, let him grow her platform and fund her lifestyle until she had everything she wanted from him and left him with something that was supposed to be theirs to love forever.

As if things couldn't get worse, from the moment he found out she was having a baby he had realised he didn't want kids or a life with anyone but you and now here he is, with a baby that has no mother and he had lost you. How could he just go back crying to you now after all the hurt he had caused you? What kind of person does that? He made this mess and it was his to clean up.

"Mason told me what happened. You can fight me all you want, Ben but I'm not going to go anywhere so you may as well just let me help." You say firmly, not inviting a single space for him to actually contest your words. His shoulder deflate even further than they already are as he finally turns to meet your eyes.

There's bags and dark circles beneath his with greasy, messy hair and a shirt he probably hadn't changed in longer than he should.

"I'm sorry." He croaks, clamping down on his lip with his teeth so he doesn't immediately burst out crying at the sight of you standing there in his house. God, he's missed you so much he couldn't even begin to put it into words and his emotions are so messed up from the lack of sleep that he'll cry at just about anything right now. "It's forgotten about. We don't have to talk about it, I'm here to help."

The weight that lifts off of Ben's shoulder is the kind of immense relief that only really you can bring to him, honestly. There are few people that he has ever met that can ease him like you can and knowing he doesn't have to explain this whole situation really is something he's so thankful for.

"This is Lilly," he says weakly, nodding his head down at her whining. You smile immediately and without thought, stepping forward to get a closer look at the small baby, only two weeks old and already giving her dad a run for his money. "Hello Lilly," you coo softly, raising your hand to stroke her cheek with your finger in the most gentle manner he's ever seen. "Can I? I feel like I've missed out on two weeks worth of aunt (y/n) cuddles."

He tries not to think much into the fact you refer to yourself as her aunt because if he lets enough thought onto it, he'll find himself breaking his heart over you all over again. Ben nods, passing her into your arms carefully.

"I'll feed her, I made some pizza for you so you should go eat." You hold our your hand to take the bottle from him, but he frowns. "I-" Ben stutters, "I don't want to just lump you with her, plus she's upset so I shouldn't leave her y'know? It's not fair on-"

"Go and eat Ben, and have a shower while you're at it. We'll be fine in here, I've babysat a million times before." You shrug, taking the bottle from him as you step further into the nursery instead of standing in the doorway cradling the still whimpering little girl in her pink onesie. "But I-"

"Go."

"I should-"

"Ben go, now."

Ben sighs in defeat and turns on his heel, the rumbling of his stomach finally giving him away as he realises just how hungry and smelly he actually is. No wonder the infant was crying in his hold.

He trudges downstairs, hearing the sounds of those winging dying down as he does, half expecting to walk into the messy swamp he had left when he went upstairs earlier this morning, only to see the whole bottom floor of the house was basically as spotless as it had been the day he moved in, bar the baby variety adjustments he had made to welcome the new arrival.

He makes a mental note to thank you more and do some grovelling and apologising later on. He knows he has to do it and he knows he'll explain in more detail what really happened probably later today, but for now he will scoff that pizza down his throat faster than he has ever consumed a meal in all of his life before raining the cupboards that he discovered you had stocked. He is reminded with every step he takes around his house that this is you, again, here holding him up when the world around him feels like its completely crumbled.

This is what you do, you keep him together, fix him up after the heartbreaks and breakups preparing him for the next girl who's pieces you'll have to pick up when they hurt him. This time he doesn't want another girl, he wants you. This time, the one time that he would be miles too late. He's got a baby now that he needs to focus on and he can't imagine that you're going to want an instant family even if you could really see past the fact he had ghosted you for nearly five straight months from the moment he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. He can't forgive himself, so how on earth would you?

If he would ask, you would tell him you already had. Seeing how hurt he was, how genuinely sorry things had ended dup like this with everyone in his life he was was enough for you. It was enough to cause you actual physical pain. You never could hold a grudge considering the situation he had ended up in.

Ben had never ever once in his life being more thankful for his shower. He’s also pretty sure he fell asleep against the wall with the heat of the shower steam loosening his muscles and the fatigue of barely an hours sleep catching up to him. He towel dries off his hair, letting the towel hang around his neck as he rubs it against his head while he pads along the soft carpet of his hallway from the bedroom to his beautifully done pink nursery where he hears no crying, at all.

But he does here soft talking.

“Giving your daddy a hard time eh, pretty girl.” You hum softly, slowly swaying from side to side. She lays in your arms, looking up at you and stealing every bit of your heart with her daddies eyes. “He deserves it a little, you know. Just ‘cause he done me out of some adorable baby cuddles y’know?” Ben can hear the teasing smile on your lips as he leans against the doorframe out of your sight, keeping quiet so as not to be detected. “But he’s a good man, sweet girl. One of the best, actually. And i know he’s already such a good daddy to you, he loves you so so much. Do you know that, eh?” You say quietly. Ben catches the sight of you swaying that amazed little baby who coos up at you, reaching for your finger to hold. “Mhm, and i love you too. You have no idea how loved you are.” That’s one thing Ben can agree on.

“And you might not know it now because you’re little, but i do know one thing for absolute certain; I’m always gonna be here for you, and for your daddy even if he’s as stubborn about it as they come. You’ve got to help me out though, eh sweet girl? Be good to that daddy of yours. Yeah, sleepy baby? Mhm, my sweet girl.” The way you hum, bouncing her carefully and swaying in just the right way for her to fall asleep in your arms. Ben watches you for only a minute more, softly singing a little lullaby to her that makes Ben’s heart swell to ache so much that he has to take a small little video before he heads off downstairs with one last look.

When you finally greet him downstairs with a tight hug that he sinks into immediately, resting his cheek on your shoulder as your hands massage your fingers through his freshly cleaned hairs as his arms hug around your waist. “I’ve missed you.” He admits, words muffled by your sweatshirt. The feeling of your fingers at the nape of his neck makes him hum in content and sink into you peacefully just like his baby daughter did not half an hour ago. You’re just perfect for them both in every way and there is not one bone in his body that doesn’t wish he had started his family with you.

But with that realisation comes one more; that he will not settle until he has given everything he has, tried with every morsel of him to earn your forgiveness. He might not of started his family with you, but he is damn determined to make you part of it.

#ben chilwell imagine #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell imagines #ben chilwell #england national team imagine #chelsea imagine #footie fic #football fic #footballer fic

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melancholydreadfuldream · 4 years ago

Text

no one rips it up like you

Fandom: Doctor Who

Summary: You are tired of being second best. Hell, you are not even second best. You don't know what number you are on in regard of the Doctor's priority.

Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, death, etc. You have been warned.

You are tired of being second best. Hell, you are not even second best. You don't know what number you are on in regard of the Doctor's priority. The first place certainly belong to Amy and then River, if the rumour about River being the Doctor's wife is true.

You tried not to be jealous of Amy who have the most of the Doctor's attention. But it is hard. You were both his current companion and yet it feels like you are nothing to him. You were not as brave, smart or sassy, like Amy or River. Those are the sort of behaviour the Doctor encouraged in companion. He need that quality in his companion so that they can keep up with him.

You have no idea what the Doctor saw in you at the beginning when he invited you into his Tardis but it certainly an opportunity of lifetime and so you accepted his offer. The first time you did meet the Doctor, you did show that once-in-a-while bravery and maybe that is why the Doctor thought you deserved an invitation into his Tardis. Unfortunately, you don't always show that quality of yours during adventure. Honestly, you didn't even have to, what with Amy on the spot ready to speak out her mind, being sassy as hell, toward villains of the days, which always earned her the Doctor's proud smile. And on the occasion of adventures where you stumble with River and her awesomeness, the Doctor is quick to flirt with her.

You didn't hate Amy or River; jealous, yes, as ugly as that emotion is, it is quite normal. But you found friendship with Amy and respect for River. Amy is kind and protective of you as you often unable to talk back when people are mean to you. River saved your life during the weeping angels fiasco and a few times after. For some reason, River seemed to have some soft spot for you. But then again, maybe she did that because you are the Doctor's companion. She showed concern for you the few times you met which is more that you can say about the Doctor.

The thing is at first, it wasn't like that. The Doctor always gave both you and Amy the same amount of attention. Somehow along the way, that changed. If you have to point the change, it must be after you, River and the Ponds got invitation from the future Doctor at Lake Silencio. You noticed that the Doctor is always staring at Amy borderline obsessive, as if he is trying to record her every movement. He never has time for you anymore, always quick to be distracted by anything or by Amy.

It hurts. It is so hurt. At first, you endured it but when time passes and he still ignored you, you have to wonder if he grew tired of you and if he is leaving hints that he want you to leave the Tardis.

No one noticed your pain. At least, you thought so, until Rory talked to you and asked if you are okay.

"I'm always alright." You said with a forced smile. You were honestly surprised that he noticed. You always thought he only have eyes for Amy. But you should have known. Rory is soft and kind to everyone he met and that of course included you.

"Then why do you look so sad? why do you look like you wanted to cry?" He asked in concern.

You didn't meant to but you started to cry in front of him.

Rory gave you a hug as he awkwardly patted your back in comforting gesture. He gave you tissue to wipe your tears and snots as you told him your insecurity and how lonely you felt most of the times.

"I know it was childish of me. Why do I want him to pay attention to me anyway?" You sniffed as fresh hot tears once more filled your eyes. "I am so stupid."

Rory look pained when he heard your confession. He comforted you, saying the right words to make you feel better about yourself and your situation.

"I'm sorry." You said after you calmed down some. "I didn't meant to cry on you."

"It's okay. We are friends, aren't we? If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, feel free to ask me."

You couldn't help but smile at that. "Aren't you afraid Amy will be jealous?"

Rory snorted, not unkindly. "I don't think Amy is capable of being jealous."

You chuckled as you agreed with his statement. Amy is so perfect and so lucky to have a loyal husband as Rory. You only wished you have half of her charm.

7777

You didn't know what you were thinking anyway when you saw right before your eyes of the two Doctors' presence in the St.John's Base. No, wait, of course, you do, you wish one of them can maybe pay attention to you now, that is how pathetic you are. Heck, you would settle for the ganger Doctor if only he will turn his eyes on you. But, of course, his eyes glued only on Amy, despite her treatment of his ganger status.

You don't know what your stand is about the gangers but you know the Doctor will want peace between humans and gangers and so, naturally, you will stand by his firm belief. The Doctor is kind and strive to do the right thing and you can only wish and try to do the same thing as he did. You watched as Amy giggled as the Doctor talked to her and spun the chair she was in around. How come he never spend any time with you anymore? Was there something wrong with you?

You sighed as you tried to compose yourself as you instead try to approach the ganger Doctor but he barely able to keep his eyes off Amy, only give you a half-smile, before leaving you behind to go to Amy. Amy, always Amy! You hated yourself for resenting Amy, she is your friend. This feeling of yours is disgusting. No wonder the Doctor didn't pay attention to you. You are so ugly on the inside.

It was at that moment that you realized you have to either confront the Doctor for the truth or just leave the Tardis forever before your ugly emotion took full control of you. But, you are a coward, you are afraid to confront the Doctor. What if he really ask you to leave? What if he thinks you are not good enough to be his companion? Because, the truth is, you don't want to leave the Doctor or the Tardis. So, what now? Do you just have to endure this pain and hope someday he will set his eyes on you again?

"(name)? (name)!"

You blinked your eyes through the tears.

The Doctor is standing right in front of you with concern in his eyes.

You wiped your tears. You gulped. "I think I got something in my eyes..." You said dumbly.

The Doctor look pained at your words. "You can tell me anything that is bothering you."

"Can I, really?" You didn't meant to say that but you sort of blurted it out.

The Doctor look surprised that you even have to ask that. "Of course. You are my friend, (name), I care for you."

You bit your lips. "I..." You can't tell him anything. What if he really ask you to leave later? But the dam is finally broken, despite your will, you ended up blurting it out. "Am I still good enough to be your friend?"

The Doctor frowned at that.

"Have you grow tired of me yet?" You asked again despite uttering those despairing questions brought more tears and heartache inside you.

"What bring this on?" The Doctor asked in concern.

You scoffed. "You have been ignoring me since forever. If you wanted me to leave, you should have say so." You wanted to hit yourself for saying that.

"Have I? I didn't realize that I hurt you this badly." The Doctor whispered softly. "I'm so sorry, (name)."

You wiped your tears again. You refused to look at the Doctor, ashamed and honestly unable to face him anymore.

The Doctor put his hand over yours. He then pulled your chin up so that you look at him. He smiled kindly at you but his eyes bore sorrow. "You will always be my friend, (name), my precious, soft and kind, friend. I didn't meant to make you feel less about yourself. What I have been doing...I am not ignoring you, (name), I have my reasons and you will understand soon." He said as he used his thumb to wipe your tears. "I promise."

You stared at him hesitantly hopeful. Seeing the expression on his face makes you feel guilty for thinking the worst of him but also you feel the tension inside you slowly crumble away. "You better keep your promise..." You finally replied, forcing a smile on your face for his benefit.

He grinned at you.

You stood up, wanting to leave the room to wash your face when Amy entered the room in a hurry, quick to approach the Doctor. You bumped into the ganger Doctor. You apologized but he ignored you as he tried to reach out to Amy. Amy yelled at him to stay away. You were rooted to the spot as you watched the rest of the crew turned against the ganger Doctor despite the Doctor's protest. You left the room and goes to the bathroom, washing your face a few times, hoping to wash away the evidence of your breakdown.

As you stared at the mirror at your reflection, you flinched suddenly at the sudden sharp headaches. You sighed as you pulled a medicine strip from your pocket. You have been having headaches every time after you have a crying fit so you took the medicines everywhere you goes. After you swallowed a pill, you took another look at your reflection, forcing yourself to smile cheerfully. You sighed and returned to face the music.

The Doctor spoke really fast at everyone about his plan, sending you a smile once in a while. You smiled back at him.

You really thought that everything will be fine now. But series of events revealed that the Doctor is actually a ganger and that he switched place with the original Doctor. You were confused then, was it all a lie then? If he was the ganger, does everything he says to you still true? You felt like the ground beneath you is about to crack under pressure.

The ganger Doctor stared at you in sorrow after he said his goodbye with Amy. He suddenly pulled you into a hug as he whispered to you. "Everything I said to you is true, (name), so it is also true for him."

You stared at him after he pulled away. "I believe you when you said it but I don't think..." You turned to stare at the original Doctor who looked at your interaction with his ganger-self curiously.

The ganger Doctor cupped your face. "Be more confident in yourself." He said and then he kissed your forehead. "Good bye, (name)." He pushes you toward the Doctor who is quick to pull you away and inside the Tardis.

You turned toward the ganger Doctor just as the door is closed and the last thing you saw is his kind eyes and sad smile and your heart broke for him.

You fell down on the floor as the Doctor goes to the console to put coordinates to get the Tardis away.

It was Rory who come to you and asked if you are okay as Amy went to apologizes to the Doctor.

7777

It was revealed that Amy is a ganger and that she has apparently been kidnapped for a long time. The Doctor finally revealed why he was obsessed with Amy. You felt like a fool once you learned the truth.

The Doctor and Rory quickly prepared themselves to go to wars so to speak.

You were tasked to get River on board the Tardis as you made your way to her prison room at Stormcage. River is dressed beautifully and is humming a song when you saw her. You explained what is going on to her.

"Demons Run?" She asked you. She look stunned. "This is the day the Doctor found out who I really am." She turned to look at you suddenly and her eyes look sad. She walked toward you and pulled one of your hands. "I'm so sorry, (name), but you need to remember to hold on for the Doctor. He will need you."

You blinked in confusion.

River smiled before stepping away from you, not explaining what she meant.

7777

The Doctor was able to rescue Amy and baby Melody. You honestly didn't do anything worthy during the mission but you still feel victorious when you saw the Ponds reunited and crying over the baby. The Doctor walked into a room and put his arms on you as he watched the Ponds with a satisfied smile. He exchanged a look at you and grinned. You couldn't help but chuckles.

You smiled as you also played with baby Melody. You were in awe of the newborn. Amy jokingly called you to be the god mother of her baby. You smiled widely at her as you declared yourself to be the best aunt ever. Deep inside you feel guilty for ever resenting Amy before.

You thought that will be the happy ending they need to wrap it up. But the Doctor said they can't leave the base until they figure out why they want Amy's baby. The Doctor left to meet Madam Vastra in the control room.

You smiled as you watched baby Melody inside the Doctor's crib as Rory and Amy playfully argued with each other. You left to follow the Doctor once Amy have baby Melody in her arms humming a lullaby. You walked on the long corridor into the console room where you saw Madam Vastra and Dorium who went back to where the others are.

Your smartphone suddenly rang. The contact said 'Home'. You received the call just as you are about to enter the room but stopped short when you heard the Doctor yelled at the monitor.

It was Madam Kovarian. For someone who already lost, she sounded so smug.

"Oh Doctor, fooling you once was a joy, but fooling you twice the same way? It's a privilege." Madam Kovarian grinned evilly at him. before the communication shut off by itself.

The Doctor looked confused at first before his eyes widened in horror but just as he turned around to leave the room, he bumped into you. He was surprised to see you and more surprised when he suddenly feel a sudden sharp pain in his body. His eyes widened in disbelief as he took a look at you.

You were staring at him with blank eyes. On your hand, a bloodied knife make its contact with the Doctor's flesh body.

"(name)?"

You pulled the knife out and then twist it back inside a few more times, still with a blank expression on your face.

The Doctor gripped his wounds with his hands. He reached out to you with one of his bloodied hand, smearing his blood on your face before falling to the floor.

You blinked your eyes a few times as the haze inside your mind finally cleared. You glanced down and screamed at what you saw. You quickly bend your knees as you fussed over the Doctor. The Doctor is not responsive.

You ran into the console in front of you trying to use speaker system to call out Rory for help but for the life of you, you couldn't figure all the buttons. You finally figures it out and you screamed for Rory, telling him the Doctor is hurt. You have no idea though if your voice come through.

It was then you notice the blood on your hands and the bloodied knife in your grip. You dropped the knife in horror as your mind slowly supplied what it meant.

You couldn't breathe. Your heart pounding hard. Your head is splitting with a sudden sharp headache. You fell on the floor. You stared at your hands as your body trembled from shock and fear. You screamed. You screamed and screamed. Distinctly you know you should warn everyone, should get the Doctor the help he needed, but for some reason, you couldn't stop screaming.

Your vision suddenly started to grew blurry before black is all you can see. Distinctly you saw the Doctor's body started to glow yellow just before you lose consciousness.

7777

You woke up inside your room back in the Tardis.

"You are awake."

Your mind does not register the presence of a man in black suit. You blinked a few times until your vision cleared.

The man stared at you flatly.

"W-who are you?" You asked nervously clutching on your blanket.

"The Doctor."

You blinked in confusion. "What about him?"

He raised his attack eyebrows at you, not impressed that you still not getting it. "I am him."

Your mind went blank at that. It was then you remembered, finding the Doctor's bloodied figure on the floor. You gasped. "The Doctor...is dead..."

"I'm really not. I regenerated. Well, that part was very surprising considering I should no longer have any regeneration left." The Doctor said.

"I...I killed him."

The Doctor stared at you, not contradicting your claim. He sat there, observing you as you cried, full on sobbing. He made no move to comfort you. He looked cross.

You sobbed tearfully. "What have I done?"

He sighed. "Don't cry. I am no good at crying human."

You glanced at him. "Are you really him? Are you really the Doctor?"

"I already said I am." He said a tad harsh, making you flinched. "Get some rest. We will talk again once you refresh." He left the room.

You watched him go and wonder if he hates you now. Well he has every reason to hate you, after all, you did kill his previous self.

7777

Amy and Rory are wary around you and you can't blame them. But they did filled you in about what happened that day.

You were saddened when you found out they lost their baby and surprised at the revelation that River is actually Melody.

The Ponds also have hard time accepting the new Doctor. He is so different from his previous self. For once, he claimed he now ban hugging.

River visited the Tardis via vortex manipulator and went to talk to the Doctor, flashing you a kind smile as she saw you.

You followed her and eavesdrop on her conversation with the Doctor something about your brainwave pattern.

The Doctor suddenly opened the door and pulled you inside. You nearly stumbled if not for his firm grip.

"Doctor." River warned. "Be gentle."

They explained that someone hacked your brainwave pattern causing you to do thing you normally would not do. He wants to inject you with some chip so that he can always monitor your brainwave pattern at all times and isolates whatever cause you to turn against the Doctor.

You agreed because you don't want to put anyone else in danger. But you got the sense that this Doctor doesn't take no for an answer from you right now.

"I don't understand how can someone hack into my brain like that? I think I would know if someone did something to me."

"Would you? Even Amy herself has no idea she was kidnapped for so long..." River said.

"Are you telling me that I am a ganger too?" You asked.

"I think someone did something to you sometimes after the Ponds' wedding."

"I would know, wouldn't I?" You asked brokenly. "How can someone mess with my mind like this and I have no idea? How can they made me hurt the D...hurt you? How can they make me a killer without my knowledge?"

River glanced at you sympathetically. She knew how it feels to have no control over mind and body.

The Doctor exhaled. "I have no idea. But I will find out. And when I do, I will make them pay for whatever they did to you." He said as he glanced at you. "That is a promise."

7777

You weren't coping well with the fact that you have taken the Doctor's life despite him able to escape death by regenerating.

Despite the Doctor's promise to find whoever did this to you, he is mostly busy hunting down Kovarian. You can hardly begrudging the fact once again you are not his first priority. Melody is still need rescuing after all. And you prayed that they will find her soon. Even if apparently Melody will turned out okay as she will become River.

River had told the Doctor to be discreet so that Kovarian will never find out that he has regenerated already.

Everyone is still talking about Lake Silencio and the fact the Doctor died there in his eleventh form.

River had the idea of using the Doctor's ganger from their time at St.John's Base to trick the silence.

And that is how you found yourself face to face with a ghost.

Amy is happy to reunite with the ganger Doctor especially since he has the face of the raggedy man she knew and loved.

You were happy too but mostly you are afraid of his reaction upon finding out that you had killed the Doctor that has the same face as him. So, you mostly keep your distance.

You were hiding from both Doctors somewhere in the Tardis but the ganger Doctor somehow able to find you.

"So, this is where you have been hiding..." He murmured as he glanced down at you who were sitting on the floor with a book.

You glanced up at him. "Yeah, well, I can't find a hole to bury myself under so..."

He sighed as he took a seat on the floor beside you. "It wasn't your fault..."

You didn't bother replying to that statement because you didn't believe it.

The ganger Doctor sat beside you, no words are exchanged. He glanced at you with sorrow in his eyes, making you unable to ignore with him or focus on your own book.

"What?"

"(name), you are forgiven, always and completely." He said as he hold one of your hands.

"I thought that you said it wasn't my fault."

"It is not your fault. But it seemed to me that you need to have forgiveness. So, I'm telling you now..."

You felt your face gotten hot as tears threaten to fell on your cheeks. "I wish he said it. Because the one I did wrong to is him."

"He probably think you know that it wasn't your fault and that there is nothing to forgive."

"How can you be sure? He is no longer the same as you. He has different opinions for everything now."

"He is still me, still the Doctor, just slightly different." He said. "Though that rules of him, of no hugging is rubbish."

You chuckled at that.

He beamed, satisfied being able to make you laugh a little.

7777

The presence of the ganger Doctor lessen your guilt a bit. You could almost lied to yourself that he is the Doctor that you lost.

And then you learned of what the Doctor and River planned for the ganger Doctor. They wanted him to take the Doctor's place to die in Lake Silencio.

"Will he survive it?" You asked. You don't want to lose him. The first time is hard enough, you don't think you can handle it.

No one answered you.

You shook your head. "You can't just sacrifice him."

"We have no choice. If we didn't the paradox will destroy half of the world... It was a fixed point in time. The Doctor dies at Lake Silencio."

You glared at the Doctor. "You said all life matters. Are you saying ganger don't matter now?"

"(name)..." River spoke up.

"It isn't fair!" You yelled at them.

The twelfth Doctor scoffed at you. "Life is never fair. If it is not because of you, I would still be in my previous form and I would be the one who die on that lake. Instead I died in the hand of a so called friend. Stab multiply times actually."

"Doctor!!" River warned him with a glare at his harshness.

You felt like you were being slapped. You glanced at his face, trying to hold back your tears. You left the room without a word.

The ganger Doctor glared at the Doctor. "I sometimes forgot how stupid I can be..." He said coldly at the original. He turned to look after you.

7777

In order to trick Kovarian and the silence, the ganger Doctor has to take the Doctor's place and continue his merry way having adventures with his companions.

You and Amy honestly loves it, it was like having the real him back. It was apparent that you both has a hard time getting along with the new Doctor.

You reluctantly said your goodbye once again with the ganger Doctor as the time come for him to go to the Lake Silencio. Was it always been the ganger Doctor then who died at the beginning?

You never able to mend your relationship with the new Doctor. He is just too cold, too unapproachable.

You wanted to leave. What was the point of staying when he doesn't even want you around? But he won't let you leave until he solve your brainwave pattern.

He noticed that your brain chemicals seemed unbalance, making you get stressed out. He prescribed you with drug to combat it.

But honestly you felt toxic. You didn't think you could stay with him in his Tardis or having adventures. You simply no longer have the energy for it. You were done with the Doctor.

River had begged you to stay. "Remember what I said at Stormcage, to hold on the Doctor? I need you to do that right now."

"He doesn't need me. He has you, Amy and Rory. Why would he want me around, his killer?"

River revealed that she is also the Doctor's killer. She told you that she is the person behind the spacesuit at Lake Silencio. She told you how she was born and raised to kill the Doctor. She said she understood you for she too has no control over her body when she shot the Doctor back then. And yet the Doctor forgives her.

You were surprised. If what she said is true, then it makes sense why she seemed to have soft spot for you. But that is also meant she always knew that you will ended up killing the Doctor and she didn't say anything or try to stop it. You were a bit upset at her for that.

"I can't interfere. Like I said, your future is my past. I can't change anything." River said. "No matter how much I want to."

7777

The Doctor glanced at your brainwave pattern at the monitor in the console room. He exhaled. He still has no idea how to fix you. Deep inside he was enraged at whoever screw you up just to get to him.

He suspected it was Kovarian's scheme too at first but if it was really her, she would know by now that the Doctor has regenerated. It seemed his lies back in Lake Silencio worked out.

But he does think about the prophecy Dorium talked, something regarding Trenzalore. Has that prophecy become invalid then? As it spoke of the fall of the Eleventh and he has actually regenerated into his Twelfth form.

He recalled his conversation with his ganger version. He had warned him to get his bearing together or he will end up losing you and the Ponds.

Sometimes the Doctor wonder if he is still the Doctor. He felt disconnected from his usual Doctor persona.

7777

Following the ganger Doctor and River's advice, you tried to talk to the Doctor but it just hard. He made it hard. He is so stern and cold unlike his past version.

You talked to Amy and Rory about it and they both agreed to try to bond with the new Doctor as best as they can. After all the Doctor is a dear friend. They have to try to reconnect with him. He is worth the effort.

It was Amy that is able to break through the ice around the Doctor. You frowned as you saw Amy hugged him despite his protests. They were arguing before but Amy is able to get through him.

You were jealous. No matter which Doctor, they always prefer Amy over you.

The Tardis currently landed in Cardiff for refuel. You got out of the Tardis in daze with tears in your eyes. You walked for how long until you found yourself seated on a bench.

You snapped out of your daze when your smartphone is ringing. The contact 'Home' displayed on the screen. You received the call and everything turned black.

7777

"You are awake." A computer-generated voice called out to you.

You jerked awake in confusion as you took in your new surrounding.

There is a monitor on the wall with a screensaver of sort that spelled GI.

"Petta, report on the Doctor." The voice said.

You were confused. Who is Petta?

The voice repeated the command.

"It won't work." The Doctor replied suddenly.

You turned toward the Doctor in confusion but he paid you no mind as he glanced at the monitor.

"Intruder alert. Intruder alert." The voice sounded an alarm.

The Doctor look bored. "Don't bother. My friends has this base of yours surrounded by now." He said. "GI...right? Great Intelligence? Not that smart eh? Why don't you scan her?"

You were scared now. "Doctor, what is going on?"

A ray of light suddenly scanned you and the voice replied in monotone voice, "Non-human detected. Analysis showed a flesh ganger."

You felt like you are being slapped. You are a ganger? "Doctor!!" You yelled at him.

He finally turned to you. He walked toward you and touched the side of your forehead and a flashback memory assaulted your sense.

You were back at the Demons Run watching yourself just after you found the Doctor's bloodied form. You watched as the you of that time frantically trying to call for help and then noticing the bloody knife on your hands. You had screamed as the realization of what you have done come over you. You watched yourself sobbed in despair and then you stabbed yourself.

You gasped and jerked away from the vision. You don't remember doing that last part.

You heard the Doctor is explaining to the Great Intelligence how his plan to get you to kill him failed and what he did to save you.

The Doctor has just regenerated and the first thing he saw was your dying self. Despite still out of sort, he knew what he has to do. He managed to save you and then he put you inside the flesh technology on the lab at Demons Run.

Your flesh self actually is somewhat free from whatever virus infecting your original self. The Great Intelligence had apparenty brainwash your original self to kill the Doctor and then yourself. With how they messed with your brain chemical, it was easy to make yourself commit suicide afterward.

But the GI didn't count on the Doctor regenerating and able to save you. The Doctor had made a flesh ganger of you and set you as a bait to trap the GI to show itself. The chip inside you is also serve as a tracker. That is how the Doctor is able to get here as fast as he is.

The Doctor demanded that the GI undo what it has done to your original self.

The GI had laughed in that grating computer voice of it. The monitor show the sims-like man cartoon of an old man with sinister face, mocking the Doctor for his inability to fully save you.

"The reason you made a copy of flesh ganger is because you know Petta will obey me and when she woke up to find you alive, she will have no choice but to kill you again and then herself." The GI grinned.

The Doctor look very cross but didn't deny the GI's claim. He started threatening the GI in his fury of the oncoming storm.

You froze, still stuck on the loop of what the GI had said about your original self.

Despite his carefully constructed plan, the GI had managed to escape from the Doctor's grasp albeit wounded through the computer virus the Doctor uploaded.

The Doctor has no idea what even the GI is but he will not rest until he recapture him. He turned to look at you.

"Does everyone but me know that I am not real?" You asked.

The Doctor didn't reply at first but he eventually nodded.

"Did the ganger Doctor also know?"

The Doctor nodded again.

You snorted. "So, everyone know and lie to me about it all."

The Doctor didn't say anything.

"Where is my real body then? Inside the Tardis, yeah? Where?" You asked him.

"Does it matter?"

"Where is my true body, Doctor?!" You screamed at him.

7777

It makes sense now. Amy and Rory were not wary of you. That was pity for you, of being the one in the dark, out of the loop. Everyone kindness was just a lie.

You glanced at your original self lying weakly on the bed. Your life is still on the line it seemed. You often spend your time staring at yourself which probably isn't healthy but who cares?

You made your way to the machine that held a life support system and considering to terminate it.

"Step away from it, (name)." You heard the Doctor's demand.

"Why? Do you think this is what we want? Do you think we could live with it after being a killer?"

"I am here. You are not a killer. And I will fix you."

"And then what? You will erased my memory of the truth?"

The Doctor didn't reply but something on his expression convinced you that it was indeed his plan.

You scoffed in disbelief.

"Why does it matter? Didn't my ganger self had told you already that you are forgiven?"

"Even if you could, do you really think I could forgive myself? I will always be a threat to you!"

"I swear to you no matter how long, no matter what, I will find a way to fix you. You can live a normal life." The Doctor pleaded. "Just don't do this. Don't throw it all away."

"I'm sorry, Doctor."

"I'm sorry too, (name)." The Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver at you, much to your shock, and vaporizing you.

The Doctor stepped toward the bed, staring at you with sorrow. "I will protect you, (name), even from yourself."

A/N: As usual I ended up writing different from what I've planned and it probably not gonna making any sense again. Honestly, I always ended up not finishing my stories but not on purpose, mostly because i have no idea how to fill in the blank. i'm really bad at this. But writing when I have the boost for it is fun so I hope you have fun reading this too. Please leave comments if you like this. Take care of yourself, stay safe.

#doctor who x reader #11th doctor x reader #ganger!doctor x reader #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #shiefenwrites

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delicioussshame · 3 years ago

Text

In the never ending series of “things that aren’t wips because I can’t, I have to finish something before starting something else”, have this thing I posted as a wip before, featuring a version of PIDW where LBH collected his harem... differently, with guest star NYY.

Luo Binghe immediately recognises the man dressed in cultivator garb as Yingying’s shizun.

Beautiful and serene, she said. The perfect image of an untouchable immortal, dressed in white and pale greens. Always holding a fan of exquisite manufacture.

But more than her vivid descriptions of her shizun’s loveliness, he remembers what she said next.

She’d been lying on her side, her long cascading hair not managing to hide her luscious curves.

Luo Binghe had known she wouldn’t be ready for another round just yet, and so had been pleased to listen to her lighthearted pillow talk.

Today’s topic had been her exasperation with her shizun’s lack of sex life.

“Sometimes I can’t believe how obtuse he is. Liu-shishu has been courting him for years, and I don’t think he ever noticed. And don’t get me started on the sect master! All Shizun would have to do is bat his eyelashes and the sect master would drop everything to worship him! But no, he never takes him on it. For a while I thought maybe Shizun just preferred women, but more than one female disciple has tried her hand at him, all to no avail.”

Luo Binghe could imagine the type. Cultivators could be lofty. They think they’re above the needs of the flesh.

He always enjoys teaching them how wrong they are.

If the demonic part of his heritage revels in desecrating those pompous righteous cultivators, no one else could tell. Luo Binghe was too good at his chosen hobby to let his personal feelings interfere.

“I love and respect Shizun more than anyone. Without him, I would never have become the kind of cultivator who can afford A-Luo’s company. So I am motivated by filial piety and nothing else when I say that I have never met anyone who needs to get laid more than Shen Qingqiu.”

Luo Binghe had laughed. “Oh? Is Yingying going to replace me with her old teacher?”

Her scandalised look had sent him into another bout of laughter. “A-Luo! I would never!”

“Then why is she telling me this? Does she want me to take care of him?”

Ning Yingying had stared at him, a glint in her eyes. Luo Binghe could see the plans form in her head as she spoke. “Actually, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. It would do wonders for Shizun, and I know A-Luo loves breaking people like him.”

Luo Binghe had blinked, inwardly caught off-guard. He wasn’t blind. He knew Ning Yingying was a lot more observant than she appeared. It wasn’t the first time she had made that kind of comment. “Yingying knows me so well. Should I be worried?”

She had swapped at him. He could have easily evaded the blow, but he didn’t bother. “A-Luo doesn’t have anything to fear from me. But honestly, if I sent Shizun your way, would you take care of him? I really think he could benefit from it. And Shizun is very beautiful! Many will definitely be jealous if they ever find out.”

Luo Binghe had nothing against the idea of taking a peak lord to bed. He bet Xin Mo would love to feed on such high-quality cultivation. “I would be honored to entertain your teacher.”

He could tell from the way she had brightened he was about to be thoroughly thanked.

She had paid him too, both for herself and for her shizun’s future visit. Generously enough that Luo Binghe had wondered if he should praise her filial piety to her shizun.

She didn’t lie either. Shen Qingqiu really is exquisite.

Not as handsome as Luo Binghe himself, but nobody is. “You must be Shen Qingqiu.”

“Luo Binghe, I presume.” Luo Binghe cannot quite decipher the look he’s being given, which is rare enough to catch his attention. He’s pretty certain there’s some attraction there, but the rest? Trepidation? Outright fear? Disdain? Excitement?

He’s sure he’s going to find out. He gestures for Shen Qingqiu to sit down as he moves to prepare tea. He could have one of his servants handle it, but Luo Binghe has always preferred taking care of things himself. That personal touch has seduced more than one client, if they didn’t visit him only for his food.

Shen Qingqiu drinks the offered tea in silence before he starts talking. “If you would please tell me your fee, I will be refunding Ning Yingying a corresponding amount. I am sorry for wasting your time, but I have no interest in procuring your services.”

Ooh, that’s cute. If Luo Binghe wasn’t an expert at perceiving the signs of physical attraction, he might even believe him. Shen Qingqiu is interested, he’s sure of it. He’s just a prude, like Yingying said. “Yingying won’t accept it. Why refuse her most thoughtful gift?”

“My disciple should put her money to better uses.”

“I assure you, employing me is money well spent. You could find that out yourself.”

Luo Binghe bites back his amusement as the man stumbles, obviously embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t… a credit to your profession. Please don’t take it personally. As I said, I have no interest in finding out myself.”

“But how will it look if you were to leave without finding out? My reputation will be hurt.”

“How could something this insignificant hurt the reputation of such a famous courtesan?”

Luo Binghe grins. “So even renowned cultivators have heard of me? Nothing bad, I hope?” And where did an isolated scholar like him caught wind of such lowbrow rumours, huh?

The sigh he’s answered with does not cloak a hint of amusement. “How many of the sect’s disciples have you seduced? You even managed to steal away Liu-shidi’s little sister, whose beauty and virtu are known across the land. Of course I have heard of you. More than I would have liked, if I am allowed to be honest.”

Ah. He should probably have expected that. Cang Qiong is full of eager young men and women. Apparently, Shen Qingqiu isn’t such a recluse that gossip doesn’t reach him. “I see. Still, you must have heard good things, or you wouldn’t have come into my parlour.”

Red is a good look on the man. Luo Binghe feels the first stirrings of desire rise into him. He just knows Shen Qingqiu would be stunning, lying despoiled on those formerly pristine robes, trying to discover what he’s begging for more of.

Not to mention he can almost hear Xin Mo purr. What a feast Shen Qingqiu will be.

Time to press on.

Luo Binghe reaches for the now empty cup of tea he’s certain Shen Qingqiu drained without tasting, making sure to caress the fingers still holding it with a touch just light enough to possibly be accidental, if one were very dumb or very blind. “Let me serve you again,” he says as he pours more tea with deliberate grace.

Instead, Shen Qingqiu rises from the table. “Don’t bother! I am obviously wasting your valuable time. If you won’t share with me how much Ning Yingying paid you, I will compensate her otherwise.”

Like Luo Binghe is letting him leave like this. “Would you have me waste the tea already prepared?”

“Drink it yourself! Surely it’s nothing compared to your usual breaches of propriety.”

Damn it. Luo Binghe miscalculated. Shen Qingqiu is too spooked to be open to further advances. Really, what a prude, to be so destabilised by a simple brush of hands.

If he can take a step back and defuse the tension enough for him not to leave… “You seem in such a hurry. Do you think I force myself on my visitors? I’m hurt.” As if he ever needed to use force to have someone.

Well, never without their consent, at least.

Shen Qingqiu doesn’t seem like he’d be into that, but then again, people can surprise you.

“I’m not scared! I just have no reason to be here any longer. Thank you for your time. I’ll be leaving my student in your care.” For a moment, there’s a glower in his eyes that Luo Binghe wouldn’t mind seeing more of. “Be good to her, or my next visit will be far less pleasant.”

Aww. Shen Qingqiu cares! How cute. “So I have to get a bit rough if I want to see you again?”

His outraged face almost makes him laugh. “Don’t you dare!”

“Or are you looking for an excuse for our paths to cross again? I assure you it’s unnecessary. I’d welcome you anytime.”

“I will keep that in mind,” says Shen Qingqiu absentmindedly, already crossing the door.

Luo Binghe lets him leave. Obviously, this will be going nowhere today.

Really, he’s offended. He cannot remember someone rejecting him so blatantly, ever. Worse, Xin Mo will be cranky. A treat was dangled in its metaphorical face, and then was cruelly taken away before it could have a taste.

He can’t let this humiliation stand.

He won’t have to. The delicate fan Shen Qingqiu came with, red spider lilies on a stark white background, is still on the table, forgotten in his haste to leave.

Luo Binghe’s customer service is impeccable. He’ll be returning the abandoned item himself.

It’s not like finding the peak lord of Qing Jing will be a challenge.

#The Scum Villain Self Serving System #Scum Villain #BingQiu #Courtesan LBH AU

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seiyasabi · 4 years ago

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Beta

(This is a Yandere Alpha N’Doul x Beta Female Reader! I hope you guys enjoy this :))

TW: !Noncon/Dubcon!, no stand au, sexual harassment (from the big man himself, Dio), mentions of disability(blindness)!, mentions of organised crime!, mentions of violence!, !knotting!, breeding kink!, you have no rights even as a Beta :((, !Alpha kink, !slight scent kink, !slight body horror at the end but nothing explicit!, etc..)

When you accepted the role as a caregiver, you assumed that the man you were going to watch after was normal. After all, the man was rumoured to have a trust fund, and you assumed that he was rich from old money.

How wrong you had been.

How would you have known that the man you’re helping is in one of the most feared mafia’s in the world?

You’d found this out by accident. He’d asked you to bring an expensive wine for him and a ‘friend,’ but when you walked in, you saw his ‘friend’ sprawled out on the floor, dead. That’s when he used his ‘Alpha Voice’ on you for the first time. He demanded you move into his estate, because he couldn’t risk you being a snitch.

The ultimatum was to move in, or die, and by God, you weren’t going to die.

“If you weren’t a Beta, I’d have stolen you away a long time ago,” Your hands shake slightly when you pour an expensive scotch into the blond Alpha’s cup. You’d always been sensitive to an Alpha’s scent or words, and this man’s smell is overwhelming.

“Thank you, Mister Brando, but I’m sure my boss wouldn’t like that,” You chuckle nervously, as you swiftly move away from his large form. Taking a small glance towards N’Doul, you see an impassive look on his well-sculpted face. He’s used to his boss’ crude words towards you, but the annoyed pheromone in his scent is very apparent.

“Of course he wouldn’t, you’re one of the few useful servants here,” He swishes the amber liquid around in his cup, the ice clinking against the glass making you flinch, “But, I have a proposition for you that I know you can’t refuse; you smell very… enchanting for a mere Beta. This is a known fact. The only differences between you and an Omega is that you’re level-headed and less annoying. That means that you’ll make a very good mate for one of my most trusted men,” By this time, you’d made your way to your boss, and were in the middle of pouring him a glass of a strong smelling bourbon. The blond Alpha’s words make your blood run cold, and you quickly stop pouring N’Doul his drink in fear of your shaking causing a spill. Dio’s golden eyes flash in amusement, “Why do you seem so surprised, Beta? You’ve been faithful to us for quite some time now, and I believe you deserve some comfort. If you marry him, you’ll live a lavish life. The only thing you must do for us, besides giving us unwavering loyalty, is bear him many children. The mafia needs a future generation, after all.”

You gasp in disbelief, your free hand covering your gawking mouth. He can’t be serious. You weren’t born into a mafia family, you weren’t rich, you aren’t good on the field, etc., why would he want you to marry one of his high ranking men?

“I, uhm, I’m flattered that you’d offer me such an amazing, uhm, opportunity, but I don’t think I can up and leave my boss. I’ve helped him for about two years, so it might not be very good for him-” N’Doul suddenly grabs your right wrist, scaring you half to death. You almost drop the bourbon bottle in your left hand, but luckily regain your hold on it.

“She’s right, Master Dio, I still need her assistance in my manor. She helps me write my paperwork, reads off important messages, and assists with many other equally as important tasks. It would be quite hard for me to find someone who is as trusted and reliable as she is,” He slowly releases his hold on you, gently squeezing your right hand’s fingers. You shift uncomfortably on your feet, Dio looks positively pleased with himself, while your boss looks in his general direction with an unamused expression.

“Are you both sure that you want to miss out on this opportunity? I didn’t even say the Alpha’s name yet,” The both of you vehemently nod, you because you don’t want to marry some rando to become a baby factory, and your boss because he can’t bear the thought of you being mated to someone else. “I see, what a shame. I was actually going to offer her to you, N’Doul, but I guess she can continue to be your servant if you want,” The dark haired Alpha’s scent turns sour, making you gulp in both fear and confusion.

“Master Dio, what are you implying?”

“You want to marry her, don't you? Your sweet Beta always takes care of you, she’s willing to do anything to make you comfortable,” Oh God, Dio thinks you’re in love with your boss, “And don’t think I haven’t noticed the change of your scent when she walks into the room, or how you treat her so kindly. The N’Doul I know wouldn’t have hesitated to kill someone if they found out his secret, yet you spared her without a second thought. It seems that the both of you have found your match,” He throws his drink back, finishing it with a single swig, “But, if you still don’t wish to marry, I understand-”

“Please don’t play with my feelings,” Your boss stands to his feet, his scent now overwhelmingly angry, “Of course I’d want to marry her, is that really a question you must ask?” Dio smirks at his uncharacteristic anger.

“Oh, is that so? Then I suppose I will allow it,” He stands to his feet as well, easily towering over the both of you, “Now that that’s settled-”

“Wait! I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but don’t I get a say in this?” N’Doul, who is closest to you, tries to reach out for you again, but you easily dodge his hand, “I’m sorry Master N’Doul, but I don’t want to marry you. I also don’t want any children, and I don’t want any direct involvement with the mafia. I’m fine helping you out around the house and doing my job, but I don’t want anything besides a professional relationship,” It’s quiet for a long moment, a look of hurt flashing over your boss’ face, along with an upset smell permeating the room, before Dio begins to laugh.

“Oh my, it’s so adorable that you think you have a choice. Did you forget that even though you’re not an Omega, the law still views you as lesser to an Alpha? For once, we’d be following the law in making you submit to your Alpha,” The blond rounds the left side of the table, heading straight towards you. In a panic, you try to move to your right to round the table and run for the door, but you run into your boss.

Instead of being thrown off kilter like usual, he stands firm. His arms wrap around your middle, forcing you up against him. You think that he’s surprisingly well built for a man who needs your help 24/7, and that’s when you realise that you’re just a cover. The police know that you work for him, and whenever they’ve questioned you, you’ve always said the same thing; he has no sense of balance, he needs your help to get around the house, etc.. But, looking at the situation at hand, it’s clear that he’s never needed you for anything besides his mafia paperwork.

“I think she’s figured it out N’Doul,” The scary Alpha is now before you, staring down at you with a shit-eating grin, “Though, that doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you listen to me well,” Oh no, “You’re going to marry him, whether you want to or not. You will give him as many pups as he wants, or else you’ll be punished. If you try to escape, you will be punished. Do you understand me?” He’s used his Alpha voice on you. Normally this wouldn’t phase a Beta, but you were no normal Beta.

Against your better judgement, you nod, saying a very forced, “Yes, Alpha,”

“Good. His rut will begin in a few days. When that happens, you will service him as an Omega would. I will give you some heat inducing pills, and you will take them the moment his rut begins,” You stare at the ground with a frown, and nod.

“Okay… but how will they work? I’m not an Omega-” N’Doul’s hold tightens around your ribs exponentially, making you wheeze.

“Don’t act too rash,” He scolds the dark haired Alpha, “That’s an excellent question, Beta,” You flinch at his words, and freeze in fear when he grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him, “There are many drugs on the market that can trigger a reaction from your kind. Many Alphas find it fun to break a Beta down into a gushing, cock or pussy hungry whore. You, my dear, are going to be my dear friends’ mate, which means you need to be ready for a long and hard week. If you aren’t you’ll surely die of exhaustion,” N’Doul growls at that, causing Dio to shush him softly, “So, to stop that, you’re going to go into heat as well. It’s as simple as that.”

His words are calming ones, trying to lull you into a false sense of security. But, you know better. You know that both men can kill you easily, you know that your boss could give you up, ending with you becoming a sex slave. So, to save your own skin, you give in.

“Okay. I understand.”

The next few days are a whirlwind of emotion. Because his cover has now been blown, N’Doul refuses your help with any task besides paperwork. Turns out, he’s very high functioning, and he is able to count his steps to-and-fro, and is also able to do things like cooking without your help.

Ever since that day with Dio, he’s been trying to make it up to you. He’ll make you your favourite food, dress you in pretty dresses, help you shower, etc.. It’s honestly suffocating, but whenever you try to distance yourself, one of his few servants will detain you, only to return you back to the patient Alpha.

The day before his scheduled rut, one of the female servants took it upon herself to wax your entire body. Unfortunately for you, she’s a very old fashioned Alpha, and she had no qualms in using her Alpha voice against you. So, she sat you down on the edge of a large jacuzzi like bath tub, and went to town. When your soon to be mate called for you, it’d taken all of your power to walk down the stairs without falling flat on your face. He’d known something was wrong, because your smell wasn’t as lovely as usual, and the way you walked sounded completely different than normal. You didn’t bother lying to him, and to say he was pissed was an understatement.

A low growl draws you from your thoughts, along with the heavy smell of arousal trailing from N’Doul’s quarters. Sighing in dread, you head towards your dresser, grabbing the pills Dio gave you from a small unused jewelry box. Chucking them into your mouth, you unscrew the cap of your water bottle and take a large swig, swallowing down the aphrodisiac you are forced to take.

Shuffling towards your door, you hear the male’s groaning grow loader. Is he outside your door? Grabbing the cool doorknob, you practically throw the door open, expecting to see him kneeling outside. When the hallway is exposed, there’s no one there. Sticking your head outside, you check to see if he was farther down the hall. Nope. It’s empty.

You see his room a few doors down, and realise he’s just that noisy.

Straightening your posture and taking a deep breath, you trudge towards his abode. Knocking lightly on the door, you call out to him, “A-are you okay in there?” All noises cease, leaving you in suspense. Putting your ear against the door, you try to listen in to see if he dropped dead or if he was walking towards the door. You hear nothing, and prepare to pull away, only for the door to open, making you fall forward. Two warm arms catch you with a quickness, before you’re dragged into the dark room, and tossed onto a very comfortable bed.

You bounce once you hit the mattress, only to be pinned down in an instant. He noses your throat, ghosting over your scent glands. His tongue laps at your neck greedily, trying to taste your skin on his tongue. N’Doul’s large, Rough hands grope at the fat of your hips, trailing up to your breasts. He seems to be trying to get a reaction out of you, but all you do is cringe.

The pills haven’t fully kicked in yet, so you’re very uncomfortable under the rough treatment the Alpha is giving you. Noticing this, he growls in annoyance, “Don’t act shy, Darling. I’ll make you feel good if you make me feel good,” Did he truly mistake your discomfort for timidity?

“I, uhm,” He silences you with a heated kiss, both of your spit mixing together, much to your disgust. His fingers pull and prod at your blouse covered nipples, twisting slightly to elicit a reaction. A gasp leaves your lips, as you try to remove his hands. The medicine was slowly, but surely starting to work, making your breasts more sensitive than usual.

He grips the material of your shirt with two fingers, a small snarl coming from his lips, “I want this off. If you want to keep it, you better strip fast,” You practically throw your shirt over your head, moving as fast as you can. Your best friend had given you his shirt years ago, and you’ve used it as a sleep shirt ever since.

A small smile decorates his harsh features, as he is finally able to feel your skin against his. He squeezes your breasts, loving the feeling of your fat between your fingers. You try not to look, hoping to zone out the entire session, but the rapid heat appearing in your tummy is making it very hard to do so.

“I can’t wait until these are filled with milk, your Alpha might have to have a taste for himself,” A gasp leaves your lips at his erotic words, especially when his lips connect with your right nipple. He suckles on it like a child, whilst toying with the hem of your panties. With one swift movement, he shucks them down your legs without separating from your chest.

A loud moan escapes your throat, as he starts to toy with your puffy pussy. The waxing from the night before makes you more sensitive than normal, eliciting all the right reactions. He removes himself from your chest, bringing your panties to his nose, breathing in your slick.

“Such a yummy and cute little Beta, no wonder everyone everyone confuses you for an Omega,” He licks the seat of your panties, practically cumming in his drawers at your taste, “Fuck, you even taste fertile. Does your little womb want my cum, Darling? Want me to pump a cute baby into you?” His words send another wave of heat to your core, causing your slit to gush out your arousal.

“Yes, yes please! Please fill me up!” He smirks at your neediness, and he shoves your legs apart. The smell of your arousal permeates the room, causing the large man to choke on his own spit.

“Oh my, your pussy smells so good,” N’Doul practically dives between your legs, sniffing at your dripping pussy. Your hands reach down and grip at his black locks, practically begging him to eat you out.

“Please lick my pussy! I was to take your knot,” He starts to kitten lick at your clit, causing tour hips to buck into his face, smearing your arousal over his chin and nose. He moans, loving the thought of everyone knowing that he belongs to you.

“Such a Good Girl, in no Time, we’ll have a cute pup running around. Then I’ll fuck another one into you, giving them a sibling to hang out with,” You keen at his words, especially when he inserts two fingers into you at once. He scissors them at a fast pace, sucking on your clit harshly. Your cunt gushes in your first orgasm, making your back arch and a scream leave your lips, “What a good Darling, loosen up so I can fuck you full.”

He adds two more into your cunt, your pussy sucking his fingers with an iron grip. His hips rut into the mattress below, as he brings you to a second release.

“I’m gonna stuff you full, keep you locked on my knot. My Darling Beta, my cute cumslut,” he withdraws his hand from your heat, making you whine. But, he’s quick to shut you up with another heated kiss. Pushing your knees back, he puts you into a mating press. With one hand he keeps you in that position, and the other pushes his drawers off of his hips, kicking them off onto the floor.

Lining his tip to your slick hole, he dips it in, testing the waters. When he feels your ring of muscle practically pulling you in, he can’t help but slam his entire length into you, causing you to scream out in both pleasure and pain. His tip rams into your cervix harshly, trying to access your deepest point.

He doesn’t give you time to adjust, and starts to roughly fuck into you. His heavy balls slap against your ass in a rhythmic fashion, whilst he forced your knees by your head.

“Fuck, your sloppy cunt is taking me so well. I love the way you gush around my cock,” You can’t say anything, too overwhelmed with pleasure. Your mouth falls open, eyes rolling back into your head. Pathetic moans rattle your chest, as he smashes himself as close as he can to you, “Don’t worry, Beta, your Alpha will fill you up nicely. I’ll make you round with my baby, I’ll give you pretty milky tits, and I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life!”

He picks up his pace, trying to draw out more noises and slick to help him force his way in. His knot is quickly forming at the base of his cock, and it pulls almost painfully at the opening of your slit.

“A-Alpha, I’m gonna, I’m gonna cum!” He smiles at your admission, starting to force his knot inside.

“Good Beta, cum around your Alpha’s knot,” N’Doul forces his entire weight onto you, bucking his hips even harsher than before.

His knot catches on your opening one more time, before breaching your drooling cunt. He ruts into you for a few moments longer, before his knot hardens fully, breaching the opening of your womb, locking himself inside of you.

The feeling of him knotting you causes you to squirt, your release just barely slipping past your stuffed opening, painting his abs with your cum. He forces his mouth onto yours, as his seed pumps into you in thick spurts. He fills you up so much, that you feel bloated, your tummy poking out a little bit more than normal. N’Doul Real esse your legs, letting you settle into a comfortable position, his warm hand lays on your stuffed womb.

“My beautiful mate, I’m so happy you accepted me. We’ll have the best pups, I’ll make sure none of you want for anything. Fuck, why’re you squeezing me so harshly?”

You whine in both pain and pleasure, laying your forearm across your eyes, “I think I need to go to the hospital. Betas aren't meant to take knots, and you’re currently deep in my womb,” He scrambles to pull himself out, only to yank on your womb harshly, making a small scream of pain escape your lips, and tears dot your eyes, “No! No! Not right now, oh god, that hurts so bad!”

His moment of post nut clarity, brings him to kiss your face with multiple tender kisses.

“It’s okay, Darling, we’ll patch you up soon. Maybe Dio will have a drug to make this less painful for you.”

You stare up at the ceiling with dread, the pills he gave you makes you feel good, yes, but the pain of no longer having freedom and a knotted cock in your womb is enough to make you sick.

Hopefully your kid will be cute. Because, if not, you don’t know what you’ll do.

#yandere n'doul #yandere n'doul x reader #n'doul x reader #yandere jjba #yandere jjba x reader #yandere jojo's bizarre adventure #yandere omegaverse #omegaverse #jjba omegaverse

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missymurphy1985 · 3 years ago

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The Umbrella Girl (part 4)

Will you get the answers you need, and will it make you see Cillian differently when you get them?

Warnings - baby loss, angst, swearing

Taglist @queenshelby @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @being-worthy @noctvrnalmoth @elenavampire21

Sophie finally caught you alone and pulled you into her trailer.

"Now you can't avoid me, what the hell was all that about last week y/n?" She said, sitting you down at the table and put the kettle on.

"Honestly Soph... I have no idea."

"Have you not spoken to Cillian about it?" She placed a cup of coffee in front of you and squeezed your hand gently as your eyes began to water.

"I've avoided him since," your voice started to crack. "I need to ask you something, but you have to SWEAR you won't say anything.. to anyone.."

"You have my word, y/n, what's going on?" You took a breath and told her about the conversation you'd heard between Lisa and Cillian. When you finished, she was looking out the window, a sad look on her face.

"Okay.. I don't think this is common knowledge but Cillian and I are close. He told me about it." She paused, and bit her lip, unsure whether to tell you but she could see the closeness you shared with Cillian, and the way his eyes lit up when you were around.. you needed to know, but it had to come from him.

"You need Cillian to answer this y/n. Not me. It's not my place." She picked up her phone and dialled a number.

"Hey it's me. I need you to come to my trailer, please.... Now.... It's important." She hung up. You never had a chance to protest, when a few minutes later the man himself walked in the door. His mouth dropped seeing you so upset, and his face looked to the floor.

"You need to tell her Cillian." He nodded, and sat at the table with you both. Sophie stood, but Cillian held her hand to stop her, he needed her to stay.

"She's gonna hate me after this Sophie. Stay." His eyes were watering now. He cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. Sophie squeezed his hand and stood in the kitchen area.

"What's going on Cill? I heard that conversation... Please.. tell me the truth?"

"I will. Promise me you'll just let me talk.. don't interrupt, yeah?" You nodded. How bad was this?

"When my wife left me 2 years ago, I hit an all time low. I had no wife.. no children.. I felt like I'd got nothing. I found myself having this fling with Lisa. Just a fuck now and then, nothing serious.. although I'm sure she wanted more."

"She was obsessed with you Cillian..." Sophie muttered, then apologised when Cillian looked at her.

"After we'd been sleeping together a few weeks, she told me she was pregnant. I was due to head back to Ireland the next day for my sister's wedding.. obviously I still went. I called Finn - there were rumours she was fucking him too. He admitted they'd had a fling at the same time I was sleeping with her. Then he told me about the cameraman, the prop guy, the assistant director... So I called Lisa after one too many drinks at the wedding. I'm not proud of how I behaved.. I was angry.. called her a slut and a tramp, called her a liar - told her I didn't believe her about the baby and she could burn in hell for all I cared. If there was a baby, it wasn't mine and I didn't want anything to do with it or her." You gasped in shock and went to speak before he cut you off. "I never should have called her... I know that.. I was just emotional and angry and hurt..." You reached over and took his hands in yours for support. Tears were running down his cheeks now. "I could hear her screaming, crying... Calling me every name under the sun.. told me I was a scumbag and trying to get out of paying child support.. then I heard thuds, the line went quiet. I knew something bad had happened but I was the other side of the Irish Sea, I couldn't do anything... So I called Sophie, she lived Lisa..." he couldn't talk any more, Sophie took over.

"I went round and found her at the bottom of the stairs, blood everywhere... Doctors at the hospital confirmed a miscarriage.. the sudden stress combined with the fall made her lose the baby."

You hand was over your mouth now.. you felt yourself crying with him.

"I've never forgiven myself.. and she's never forgiven me. She's promised me she'll go public with this if I don't take her back. The baby probably wasn't even mine, and she's trying to ruin me! My wife and I actually met up for a coffee a few days later, but she soon put paid to any possibility of a reconciliation. She'd filmed us having sex without me knowing and she emailed it to my wife, claiming it had been filmed before she'd left me. That ended any chance I had of getting back with her. She filed for divorce the next day."

"The fall was a tragic accident! That wasn't your fault at all Cillian?"

"You know the media as well as I do, y/n, they won't see it like that and you know it. Doesn't matter how 'in favour' you are - the slightest sniff of dirt and they'll destroy you."

You didn't know what to say, or how to respond to what you'd been told. You wanted to hit him for being so stupid, and hold him for being so utterly helpless.

You were still holding his hands on the table in front of you, and you heard Sophie sniffing away a few tears.

"I'm not a good man, y/n, I shouldn't have kissed you in my trailer last week. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of this. Both you and Emily deserve better, and I can't give that to you."

You brought his hands to your lips and kissed them gently, before taking a deep breath.

"You ARE a good man, Cillian. You're one of the finest men I've ever met."

"Y/n..." You raised your hand to quiet him.

"No - I stayed quiet for you, now you stay quiet for me." Your mom voice stunned him into silence. "You welcomed me with open arms within seconds of meeting me. You made me feel comfortable and welcome onset. You took me to the hospital when my daughter broke her wrist. You make me a coffee every single morning. You refuse to let me do the laundry run in case I hurt my back. You make sure to add things into your food shopping list that Emily likes so you can slip them into my handbag when I'm not looking to take them home for her. You're understanding and patient when I need to take an hour to go to a parent-teacher conference, or a doctor's appointment.. you notice when I'm tired and send me home early, making sure I still get paid for a full day... That doesn't sound like a bad man to me, Cillian."

He didn't say anything, just dried his eyes on his sleeve and pulled you up to stand, wrapping his arms around you. You held him close, making sure he knew just how much you thought of him, how special he made you feel, how special he made your daughter feel.

"I've known you for three weeks, but I know I feel something really special for you.. is that crazy?" You felt him whisper in your ear.

"Only as crazy as me feeling the same way for you. Thank you for trusting me with this... Now let me help you? Let me help you..." You pulled back and pressed your lips to his. You heard Sophie cough.

"Ahem - you wanna use your own trailer for that Cill?" You both laughed, and Cillian took your hands in his.

"Not a bad idea, Soph, but no. I'm doing this properly. I'm not rushing it this time. Let me take you for dinner Friday night?" You smiled, nodding your head.

"I'd like that." He kissed you again, both of you ignoring Sophie's wretching noises in the background. Whatever happened next, you'd face it together, no matter what.

#cillian x reader #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x smut #cillian smut #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader

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chaseatinydream · 4 years ago

Text

pirate king (18) || atz

You and Wooyoung are sitting in the rigging, staring out to sea.

The Treasure has left Tortuga for a few days now, sailing in the open sea for the town of Nassau. From what Wooyoung has told you, Nassau, Seonghwa’s hometown, used to be a port thriving with pirate activity… until one day, the Royal Navy decided retake the town from the pirates. Pirate ships were burnt to the ground, the crews hung at the gallows and anyone associated with them brought in for questioning.

It is during that purge that Seonghwa’s parents were killed.

Seonghwa has finally left the confines of the galley, escorted to the sickbay to sleep and rest. Yunho is keeping a vigil beside Seonghwa, while you’ve taken over his cooking duties and Yunho’s lookout role. You may not be as well suited to the job as the two of them are, but it’s the most you can do for being to blame for Seonghwa’s condition.

If only you had known what to do.

You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut.

If only you hadn’t let the herbs be stolen.

You know it’s stupid, but the thoughts won’t stop echoing in your head.

If only you hadn’t gone out to celebrate your name.

You chew your lips.

If only you hadn’t come to this ship.

Guilt tears at you from the inside like the teeth of a piranha. The pain is all too acute, all to real.

“Hey.”

You’re jerked back from your thoughts by Wooyoung, who’s grinning at you. Somehow, the head gunner has pushed past the air of gloom surrounding the ship, managing to keep a broad smile on his face despite the weight on everyone’s shoulders. How he’s doing it, you don’t know, but part of you resents how easily he can seem to forget that Seonghwa is still in the sickbay, struggling to block out the voices of his dead family from his ears while all of you are absolutely powerless to help.

Even now, Seonghwa’s still refusing the sleeping incense, but Yeosang has given given him back the steak plushie, which he hugs to sleep every night. Jongho helps by singing his hyung to sleep. San mixes relaxing teas for him. Captain and Mingi studying the overlay of Nassau, trying to find the most inconspicuous way they can enter the town without garnering the attention of the authorities.

It’s only you and Wooyoung who can do nothing. And the guilt you feel is swallowing you whole.

Wooyoung suddenly leans forward, shackles clanging as he uses his fingers to turn your mouth up in smile. “I’m sure captain and Mingi will think of something. We’ll help Seonghwa-hyung and everything will be fine soon. Don’t be sad.”

Anger rushes forth.

“Don’t be sad?” You snap, smacking his hand away. Wooyoung looks visibly wounded, pain flashing across his face as his hand falls to his side, but you’re too caught up in your fury to notice. “Seonghwa-hyung is in this state and you have the gall to smile and act happy?”

Something in Wooyoung’s normally bright viridescent eyes darkens suddenly as he silently watches you rant.

“I hate how you’re still so happy go lucky! It’s like you don’t understand what it’s like to lose someone even though you’ve had family like Jongho-hyung and Yunho-hyung!” You continue raving, not seeing the way Wooyoung’s fingers clench so tight around the ropes his knuckles turn bloodless. “ I’m the only one who has no family, alright? I’m not like all of you, I don’t know what it’s like, but you’ve had family before, so shouldn’t you try to be more understanding?”

Silence falls between the two of you as you finish. Then you realise that you’ve just literally just thrown everything, your hurt, your pain, your guilt onto Wooyoung, who must be suffering too somewhere deep down inside. To your horror, his head hangs low so that you can’t see his expression, but from the way his shoulders are curled in on themselves, you must have wounded him deeply. Regret and guilt fills you.

You can’t seem to do anything right.

“Wooyoung-hyung, I’m sorry-”

“What else am I supposed to do, then?” Wooyoung breathes, turning to meet your eyes head on. You desperately want to look away, but his gaze is unbreakable as steel. There’s something utterly frigid about them, almost terrifying, like a dragon rearing its head. “Cry? Complain? Feel pity for myself? Curl up in a ball and hide until all the problems disappear?”

That’s exactly what you want to do right now under the weight of his of his intense stare, pinning you down.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean it-”

“You did.” Wooyoung cuts you off fiercely, his green eyes burning. “You meant every word of it and I don’t blame you. But I want you to know that I don’t intend on moping around because that’s not going to help anything. So get those stupid thoughts about it being your fault out of your head because none of them are true and smile because you need to believe things can get better.”

The resolve in his voice is unshakable, and you curl in on yourself to avoid Wooyoung’s stare, shame burning on your cheeks. All this while, you’ve only been thinking about yourself and your guilt, forgetting that you also affect the members of the crew and that moping around hasn’t helped at all.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper quietly under your breath, but Wooyoung hears you anyway and his smile returns once more.

“I forgive you.” He beams at you gently, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Your head rests against his shoulder, seeking comfort. “I understand.”

You wipe the tears from your eyes as you swallow down your emotions. Right. Smile. Be positive. Staying negative isn’t going to help anything.

Then Wooyoung frowns as he looks down onto the main deck. “Yeosang is coming over. I wonder what he needs.”

“Wooyoungie! Is Chin Hae up there with you?” The navigator stops in front of the main mast, hand shielding his eyes from the sun as he looks up. Wooyoung nods. “Yeah! Do you need him?”

“Can you tell him to come down? I have something to discuss with him.”

You frown, a little confused as Wooyoung glances at you in surprise. Then he leans forward to pinch your cheeks into a smile again, mirroring his own. “Go on. Don’t forget to smile.”

You manage a real smile for the first time in days.

“Thanks, Wooyoung-hyung.” You say as you climb over the side of the crow’s nest, making your way down and dropping lightly to the main deck. Yunho would be so proud if he saw you doing that. “What do you need, Yeosang-hyung?”

“San spoke to me earlier about your encounter with a fortune teller.” Yeosang explains to you as the two of you make your way across the main deck. Your eyes widen as you realise what he’s talking about. “Since Hongjoong-hyung is steering and Mingi is sleeping in the main hold, the captain’s quarters are empty and I thought that I could take this time to research on what the fortune teller said with you.”

Your heart leaps into your chest with ecstasy at what this could mean, but then you pause a little.

“Should we be doing this now? With everything that’s going on?”

Yeosang stops in the middle of pushing open the door to the captain’s cabin to look at you seriously. You’ve never realised how big and clear his eyes are, completely genuine and free of any trace of ill will. “It’s not like we can do anything now. What we can do is keep our spirits up and be strong for Seonghwa-hyung until we reach Nassau. And you’ve been looking down lately, so I thought I could try to cheer you up by clearing some of your questions.”

Warmth blooms in you at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you, Yeosang-hyung.”

The navigator smiles happily at you, almost radiant. “No problem. It’s my honour you’d trust me with such an important piece of information.” He opens the door and ushers you in.

You’ve never been in the captain’s cabin without the captain being present, so the room is unnaturally quiet and still. Yeosang, however, seems to know the room like it’s the back of his own hand, moving towards one of the shelves at the far end of the room while you hover awkwardly at the door.

“Please sit.” He indicates to the bed as he pulls out a scrap of parchment. You recognise it as the one Seonghwa had written your prophecy on the other time when you were discussing your visit to the fortune teller. Yeosang brings the paper over to you.

“So, what part haven’t you figured out?” He asks seriously, as he reaches in his pocket for a small wooden case, producing a pair of thin, gold rimmed eyeglasses and placing them on his nose delicately. You look over the words.

“The sea witch and the jar of clay.” You answer honestly.

Yeosang nods and moves over to his array of books. The walls are covered in them, from texts to maps to travel rutters to books of varying languages. There are even some tied up in stacks and placed neatly on the floor, all of them well kept and not a speck of dust on them.

He pulls out a few books, putting them in his arms as he mumbles to himself, eyes flitting among the shelves. Then he returns to you, setting the books on the table with a huff. “Let me look through these for a moment.”

You study him intently as he flips through the books faster than you can blink, fingers flying along the pages. The title on some of the books read ‘Legends of the Sea’, ‘Mythical Folk’ and such.

“The sea witch is a powerful entity who was once human with a bond to both the land and sea. She holds immense power, drawing upon the sea to cast spells. In return for a high price, she grants both magical and non magical folk alike what they desire.” Yeosang reads aloud, meticulously focusing on every detail. “Only people in great desperation can find the sea witch, as her lair lies hidden in a magical realm of the sea in which mortals cannot find. The entrance is rumoured to be off the coast of several uninhabited islands in the Atlantic, guarded by the sirens and fierce tidal straits rip through the waters, smashing any ship that dares pass through.”

“That’s… good to know.” You swallow uncomfortably. The only one who probably knows exactly who you are, and she’s probably out of reach. You’re unwilling to put the crew in danger because of your own problems.

“Those who have made a deal with the sea witch tend to have a token on which the deal was sealed.” Yeosang continues, glancing at the necklace hanging from your neck. “The price is often exorbitantly high, and is rarely something of material worth. It often is something of immense value to the person making the deal.”

Your memories.

You had given up your memories.

“In popular folk stories, she was responsible for taking the voice of a mermaid who’d fallen in love with a prince of the land in return for her legs. She also gives out pieces of ropes with three knots. Pulling the first knot could yield a gentle, southeasterly wind, while pulling two could generate a strong northerly wind, but the third knot would unleash a hurricane.” Yeosang looks slightly interested. “Hongjoong-hyung has one of these, but he’s used the first knot already.”

“Really?” You gape. This sea witch can’t be mere legend now.

The navigator nods as he picks up another book. “We were being chased by the Royal Navy, but he used the wind to blow the ships away. That’s when hyung really started to believe in myths a little.”

He opens a book called ‘Symbolism Through Ages’. “Jars of clay, jars of clay… Jars of clay refer to humans. In many books such as the Holy Bible, humans were described to be jars of clay, having mortal bodies while holding precious souls of great value in them.”

A jewel resting in a jar of clay.

Yeosang’s eyebrows pinch together as he continues reading. “This is a interesting explanation, but not rather helpful as it’s quite metaphorical. You said that the fortune teller asked you who’d made you?”

“Yeah…” You shiver a little at the words. “Then she told me the sea witch was my mistress.”

Yeosang frowns thoughtfully, and you can literally hear the gears in his mind turning. He picks up another book, flipping through it absentmindedly as he glances through it. “Made… Clay… Vessel… Humans… Sea Witch… Bargain...”

Then he stops.

All at once, his eyes fly wide open, pupils dilating in realization, mouth going slack, face ashen. The expression on his face can only be described in pure, unadulterated shock, and he stops breathing for a second as if air has trapped itself in his lungs.

Your heart skips a beat in excitement.

“Did you find something?” You begin to ask excitedly, but Yeosang barely seems to hear you, staring in horror at the page, then at you.

Unease begins to crawl up your skin, but you force it to the side and ask. “Yeosang-hyung… what is it?”

That seems to snap Yeosang out of his daze and he desperately tries to smooth his face in a neutral expression, but he can’t quite hide the terror in his eyes. “It’s nothing. I just thought of something, but it’s no big deal.”

The way his voice is trembling tells you it is anything but.

Your eyes narrow in suspicion and barely restrained anger. “Yeosang-hyung, what are you hiding from me?”

“It’s nothing.” The navigator insists, slamming the book shut. You get a mere glimpse of the cover. Prome-, but then Yeosang’s hand slides over the title and you can’t see it any longer. “It’s nothing at all, so just let it go, please.”

Usually, you’d let anything he says go, but this is different.

“Then let me see it.” You hold your hand out to take the book, but Yeosang wrenches it from your grasp before you can even hold it, eyes flaring in panic.

“Don’t touch it!” Yeosang shouts furiously, clutching the book to his chest. Rage fills you, what may be an answer to your identity is right there, but Yeosang won’t give it to you. You storm over to him, ready to rip the book from his hands if you need to.

“What are you doing?” You snarl at him, almost animalistic as you reach to tear your only clue from him, but Yeosang shakes his head, arms folding around the book.

“You can’t see it!” He screams at you, tears streaming down his cheeks and you feel red hot anger thrumming in your veins, purring to life like an awakening monster. Icy calm washes over you, in complete contrast to the fury burning in your heart. How dare he cry as if he’s the one losing anything from this?

Yeosang must see the shift in your eyes as your expression settles into one of dark determination, because his knees start knocking uncontrollably and his eyes dilate with pure, undiluted and primal fear.

“Give the book to me, Yeosang.”

In this moment, Yeosang makes a decision.

His fingers fumble with the latch behind him. Before you can realise what he’s doing, he’s opened the pothole, turned away from you and tossed the book into the ocean.

You feel like your last hope has been crushed into shards and scattered to the wind. Broken fury and grief screams within you like two clashing hurricanes, tearing you apart and ripping through you. Your eyes land on Yeosang, who looks stunned by what he’s just done.

You finally manage to find words in your rage to convey to him what exactly you’re feeling now.

“I hate you.” You spit with every bit of loathing you can muster, and with that, you whirl around and dash out of the cabin, the door slamming shut behind you.

Yeosang doesn’t say anything. Instead, he merely slides to the ground on his knees, body curled into a ball, wishing he could beg for your forgiveness.

And his fist pressed against his mouth to stifle the sobs pouring from his chest.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez jongho #ateez wooyoung #ateez pirate king #w; ot8 #w; pirate king #w; fanfiction

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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

Text

GIANTS OF BL 2021 AKA SHOWS LINED UP FOR GMMTV THAT WE WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT!

Is there a way I can get over the addiction of BLS? Apparently not because GMMTV came and slapped me across the face for ever thinking I could. Like what even was that conference? I came in like yeah I've heard the rumours. 6 BLs! LOL, you're kidding, like nothing I'd want would even happen. But I still made a list of everything I wanted from them and held that checklist in my mind and boy was I shocked! I ended up just on the floor, brain exploded, mind shut down and can you believe I was crying? Like why on earth was I crying for GMMTV BLs? Crazy right? I am absolutely left floored, I'm going to be crying as I write this by the way just so you know, I've got my heart full ready to burst, talking about the change we've seen in BLs this year, the journey, the growth; there's still some work to do, but GMMTV said they were also part of that, they were going to change and make us stay, wanting more. They did that in a 3-hour conference. My brain is ready, my mind is prepared, my heart is available for all these shows, and I can't wait to see what 2021 unfolds. Let's begin screaming:

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

THE NICE SURPRISES

BAKERY BOYS

Genre/Themes: Thriller, Bromance, Mystery, Psychological, Drama, Friendship, BL? (The manga is), Baking

Verdict: You know I love Antique when immediately I see that Foie's hands shaking as he has to be one of the waiters in the cafe, reminds me back to another favourite bodyguard of mine doing so. I was in shock; One because Antique was one of my first Korean 'BL' movies I saw, with all my favourite actors, an unusual and intriguing plotline and I ate it up; all of it. I didn't like how censored it was and the weird open ending for the relationship in the show. But I couldn't care less, something about it made me happy. I just loved the characters I think, and I enjoyed seeing our 4 bakers become friends and find a weird found family with each other. Add in a mystery to why Joon’s character wanted to kill himself and hated cakes? And I was sold. Now GMMTV is making a remake for it, and SINGTO is playing my favourite gay baker. Like I am so happy with this. Do I expect this to blow my mind? No. Do I expect more BL? A little? I'm not sure like GMMTV could make Antique a BL if they want to, Korea hinted to it, Japan ignored it in anime and others, but Thailand could change that. I'm not holding hopes for it, but I love this cast just as much as I love the Korean Cast like Lee Thanawat is perfect for this role, Singto is greater (I just love him so much) and we even have Pleum and Foei?? Are you kidding me? Greatness. It's going to be fun to see what they do with the mystery—something I greatly liked in the movie. Let's hope it's more fleshed out in the tv show. So excited!

Ratings: 3.5/5 I mean it's not really a BL so it'll feel queer baity for me and I may end up being annoyed it, but I really do have fond memories of the Korean movie, so I want to be excited, and the cast is everything so we'll see.

FISH UPON THE SKY

Genre: Unrequited Love, Comedy, Romance, Rivalry, Haters to Lovers,

Verdict:

DID SOMEONE SAY JITTIRAIN: THEORY OF LOVE? 2GETHER??? Sorry for screaming but like what else am I meant to do. Theory of love is my ultimate BL show, one of it anyway, one of the reasons will be discussed even more later with another show, but this is not about them. Also, 2gether is like one of the biggest BLs ever right now. Jittirain is genius, she has this ability to make you feel for her characters, root for their love stories whilst throwing plot twists everywhere. I also like that she always has a focus; theory of love, we had film theory, 2gether we had music, and now we have Fish Upon the Sky, and we have?

Medicine? Love rivalry? Honestly, I don't know, the title even makes me feel even weird; what the hell does Fish upon a sky mean? But who cares it's a Jittirain classic, comedy, pain, longiiiing, and unrequited love, and scheming to get unrequited loves requited, more side couples and secretive characters. This time we have PHUWIN (had to emphasise that because he's impressive people stop sleeping on him!), one of my favourite youngins, showing up and becoming our main Pi and we have Pond a newbie, who has charisma for days, and he plays Mork, and they are love rivals. Wait what? A love story between two people who fall for each other after chasing after one guy? I'm ready for this, the haters to lovers, the pain of unrequited longing, but hold on it seems like a plot twist! Seems like we have another oblivious protagonist on our hand aside from Tine in 2gether, Pi can't even see that Mork isn't chasing after the same person as him, but for he's chasing after him! Sarawat scheming activated! I'm expecting giggles, chemistry and a great story. And it's going to be great because it's Jittirain.

Ratings: 4.5/5 It's not anything new but do I need to repeat my self? Theory of love pining and longing and emotions mixed with 2gether's secrecy, scheming and obliviousness? It's going to be great. The cast is also excellent, I have total faith in this show, better be a good director though (oh no nightmares from the last half of 2gether has returned).

FINDING ENCHANTE

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Harem, Mystery,

Verdicts:

Enchante that means nice to meet you aww. Wow, now I know French. Yay now where do I sign up to be like Theo and have 5 men chasing after me? Actually, that sounds like a nightmare, and I don't have time for that. He does apparently. Guess what guys! I knew I had a feeling in my gut when I watched this drama, I felt the memories, the intuition, the clues, hitting my brain, and I realised why. This show is also written by My gear and your gown's writer. YES! You mean more mystery and subtext filled storytelling, a show where I can analyse the character dynamics, and find clues to piecing the story together??? Perfection. As much as My gear and your gown wasn't everything to me, it was everything to me when I analysed it, I have fun with this writer's works when directed properly her works have great potential to be one of the best. I love GMMTV giving new actors the time to shine, and choosing stories that make my mind start working again. Thank you.

With this show we're having a love Simon flashbacks with our Simon being sent secret messages through a book by Enchante, he's sweet, caring and totally all about making our lead comfortable. Who could he be?

The best friend who's totally pining from afar and playing off his feelings like its nothing? My gut is already saying that Tine definitely wants it to be him (so again requited but they don't know trope? you've got me!)

Is it the playboy guitar extraordinaire played by GAWIN you heard me right GAWIN my Mork in Dark Blue Kiss!! Like what? Where've you been boy? He looks so great in this, by the way, he's a tease, likes to play our lead's feelings, and has chemistry because they're haters to lovers.

Or is it FLUKE PUSIT?? What even is this cast how is it both my favourite actors are here? Anyways Fluke is an artist, he wants our lead to let him in so he can draw him, our lead is his muse apparently, and again chemistry that makes your head hurt because like who is this damn Enchante?? Who will Theo choose?

Anyways we then have two people who I don't know that well sorry, Boom is the football captain that likes our lead and is always protecting him, and the other is a genius/nerd? Who helps Theo with his studies? Like wow, it must be great to be Theo, guys from different lifestyles and aesthetics have found him, they want him, they need him and one of them he wants and needs. I wonder who it is.

Ps people already thinking it's the best friend, not me, I think bestie is obviously endgame Tine is definitely also secretly wanting him to be with that pining and longing (I'm sure it's why he wants to find enchante desperately). I can't wait to see why these two refuse to let each other know how it feels. All I beg for is, please don't let New direct this. Guess what it's produced by X (Theory of Love! Hold on while I cry again) and Film! (Also theory of love!) Oh, this is going to be brilliant!

Ratings: 4.5/5 This drama is probably going to be the most underrated because people have other things to care about I don't blame you, but I think for me, this would be a same favourite way I loved MGYG and I'm ready for new faces, Gawin and Fluke and a requited but they don't know it angsty love story plus I know the directing is going to be amazing!. Ps, I actually hate harems, but the excitement is in figuring out who on earth is Enchante and why this is happening!

THE BIG BOYS

GMMTV decided to not let me rest next year. How is it that I already felt happy by seeing Phuwin, Gawin, Fluke etc... I was content you know, I was like great we have a great line up I'm excited now I don't think there's anything else I secretly want that will happen. I'm being a clown, BUT NO. EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR: EVERYONE I WANTED TO SEE, EVERY TROPE I WANTED, THE DIRECTOR, THE PLOTS, EVERYTHING WAS MANIFESTED BY THESE THREE TRAILERS. That's why I ended up crying. Because even till this day I can't believe this is real. I don't know when I'll finally think they will be real in 2021. Crying again!

NOT ME

Genre: Gang, Mafia, Crime, Romance, Drama, Stolen Identity, Twins, Angst

Not me? Not you? Not us? See how my mind scrambles when it comes to this show. Because I was determined to not be a clown and believe in this even when I saw OFF GUN hold onto each other on the motorbike I was like HA, nope they're just guest stars, when I saw them as gang members I was like HA; interesting probably not BL. When I saw two Guns, I was like HA, nice Gifted character flashback but still not BL. I won't fall for it, this is a BAIT! You get me? BAIT!! Don't fall for it and then GMMTV was like shut up here's a kiss. And then I broke down and cried. Because it was a journey.

Remember when I said Theory of Love was my favourite? It's because of these two; OffGun is everything, my favourite BL couple on screen, my favourite fanservice couple, everything. I thought that the end of theory of love meant I won't be seeing them for a while, they'd be in other series separate, they'd not want to be typecasted. Gun would go for serious roles, Off will choose more het romantic comedies, don't blame them. Still, I didn't think I'd see them again, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them in another university setting. I set my mind on only seeing them in fan meetings and side projects, I'd made up my mind to miss them. And then NOT ME happened, and now I'm crying just at the thought;

This isn't a cringy, comedic, cheesy BL.

This isn't set in University.

This isn't' unrequited pining from Gun to Off.

Gun is Dark! I repeat Gun went Dark he became a gang leader determined to break the law, called Black and Off; OFF went serious and he's Gun's right-hand man called Sean, and I'm just like wait is this real?? We're getting dark, gritty OFF GUN??? Are you serious?? See?? still can't believe it, and it's BL??? What is this? Christmas?? Like how did we get this, who came up with this idea THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I thought nothing could beat theory of love for me and now OffGun came back and said HA you thought. I have a lot of feels about this, I will never stop screaming, I've rewatched that youtube trailer now for about more than 20 times, I'm not even kidding you, every day it's on repeat, I'm just ready, ready to write, to scream, to talk about this in so much detail. Let's get a plot that's deep, thrilling and mysterious, let's get a romance that is interesting, angsty but also sweet, let's get acting that is full of range, that will break my heart but fix it together again, let's get chemistry that would make me forget everything else. I'm ready for this. I've never been more ready!

Ratings: 5/5 What were you expecting? I can't even rate this anything else, nothing about this is worrying; even the director I trust she's also worked with Gun before in another movie of his, she respects LGBTQ, and she wants to make a great BL. I just can't believe this is real. 2021 come faster, I beg you.

BAD BUDDY

Genre: Forbidden romance, Haters to Lovers, Romance, Comedy, Opposites attract, Angst, Friends to Lovers,

Verdict:

You thought my screaming would be over. But no. GMMTV wasn't done with me yet. It's like it knew I was mourning from my lack of Ohm Pawat after rewatching He's coming to me (review here) and it knew I had just finished watching Gifted Graduation and felt slighted to see my opportunity at seeing Nanon as a BL character being taken from me with that finale. GMMTV knew I was empty without them and decided to mock me, and put me back together by making OHM NANON in a series together,.

Again the same process as Not me; I started laughing when I saw the trailer like a mad person. I was like this is clearly a queer bait bromance, HA, not falling for it GMMTV almost got me this time, but then there were the stares, the Romeo and Juliet energy, the sneaking into each other's rooms, the becoming secret friends despite being haters to lovers, the skinship, the intimacy, and then the jealousy, the pining, the longing, the are we just friends scene??? WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? Why is AOF directing this (same director of ALL my favourite BLS), what is this GMMTV?

Nanon wouldn't be in a BL we know this, we've been clowns, but we accepted this with defeat, why is he now saying he's doing one because of the cast? THIS IS A BL? NOT BAIT? NOT A TRICK? BY AOF? WHATTTTTTT???? see my mind exploded.

Since then it hasn't still comprehended this. This is insane, do you know how good, how genius, how amazing Nanon and Ohm Pawat is?? Do you see the power this holds? The fact it's directed by Aof who's like one of the best directors ever in GMMTV??? Do you even know what this means? For this GENRE??? Sorry, I have to scream. I still can't believe this! This is something someone would say, and we'd laugh it of as a joke like yeah right, in your dreams, but it's real, and it looks absolutely amazing, is it a university setting YES, so what? This is everything, with haters to lovers but not really, to Romeo and Juliet pining and longing, to the chemistry that takes your breath away. To just Ohm and Nanon in a screen together being in love. Yep, you guessed it my mind is never goanna be whole again after this breakdown. Guess what I'm okay with it.

Ratings: 5/5 OhmNanon, Aof that's it. That's the post.

A TALE OF A THOUSAND STARS

Genre/Themes: Military, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Heart Transplant, Unrequited Love, Fish out of water,

Verdict:

And we come to this big one here. You see it? It screams 2021 show of the year to me, it screams incredible plot and romance to me, it screams unique and exciting BL to me. Guess what? It's also by Aof. Ha. It took me a year to accept this is happening because when the trailer came out, I knew that with this cursed genre that this was too good that there'd probably be some kind of issue with it. But did it matter? No! Because this was real. Earth and Mix were in a BL together, and it looks so amazing, so great, and it's coming in less than 3 months. I'm going to cry. And it means everything; because there's a hint of character dynamics, angst and also haters to lovers. I see the chemistry, the production, the plot, the actors, and I just feel so ready for this show that I have no other words to say except I love it, I love it, I love it!.

Ratings: 5/5 It's taken years, but I'm ready for this, I just want the trailer now, I want the show now, I want 2021 to start now. This is definitely a giant for sure, it's everything, and I can't wait for it.

After screaming at everything; 2021 starting with ATOTS is already a sign, we're in for a great year with so many incredible changes in this genre. GMMTV isn't messing around, with subs in their event to show international fans are no longer forgotten and are heard and respected, with actors that have made their way into my heart and refuse to leave, and I'm just so happy. It may seem so extreme to be this excited for a BL series to be good, but I love this genre, I love seeing what it represents to so many people, I love the interesting storylines, the discussions you can have for days because of it, the tears, angst, and happiness you feel. But most of all I love how BL has brought out writing from me, I'm happy when I analyse this genre, I'm delighted discussing real-life links and conversations derived from it, I'm so glad learning and humbling my self and opening my mind to new things. BL has been a source of excitement, shock and happiness this year. I can't for next year to be even more splendid, and with this line-up, it's going to be even more than that. It's going to break the world. Can't wait.

#thai bl #gmmtv 2021 #gmmtv #bl series #bl drama #antique bakery #baker boys #singto prachaya #fish upon the sky #phuwin tangsakyuen #enchante #not me #off gun #offgun #bad buddy #ohmnanon #ohmnon #fvete #2021

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thepictureofsdr · 3 years ago

Note

I have some weird feelings about the way Mathew treats Alastair. Because I understand fully that you can’t and won’t forgive some things (hell, I won’t forgive things that people did to me, but I have moved on and I am civil to them when I see them), but Mathew is straight up cruel to Alastair at points. He insults him out of nowhere (that scene where he kind of said Alastair might be the killer) and has not accepted even the idea that Alastair can be a nice person. James doesn’t even believe that Alastair and Cordelia could have a good relationship, but also works a little more on his civility towards him now that they are brothers-in-law.

I think that their view of Alastair is very influenced by their view of themselves. Matthew hates himself, puts some blame of what he did to Charlotte in Alastair as he was the reason he knew about the rumor. Of all the things he could hate Alastair for, he chooses the rumor. Thomas (correct me if I am wrong) said that Sophie was really affected by this rumor, and I understand that his feelings for Alastair made him spreading the rumor (at least to Matthew) more complicated that they already were (he loves him, but also he believes he is partially responsible for the insecurities her mother had because of the rumor). I love that Christopher doesn’t even know why they hate him, it truly shows that them holding on to that grudge is kind of stupid. Especially because they are kind of civil towards other people who went to the academy with them or who probably also spread that rumor.

YUPPERS i definitely think matthews attitude towards alastair is projection “it’s the reason i cannot forgive him” nope it’s the reason matthew can’t forgive himself, alastair was merely the message man and now matthew has shoved all that self guilt onto alastair and plays it off with shit like “alastair could be the serial killer”

it’s also the reason he absolutely refuses to move on an get over alastair in that respect, bc it’s not genuine hatred towards alastair, and until he forgives himself he can’t change his view on alastair. either it’s shitty writing and not what cassie intended or the other thieves realize how stupid holding onto school boy bullying from a clearly abused boy is and they’re really only in this bc of how passionate matthew is. (just in case anyone thinks i mean something i don’t, i don’t mean they should move on and enthusiastically forgive alastair, by holding onto it i mean actively antagonizing alastair and villainizing him. while i have a soft spot for alastair ive always maintained they don’t owe him anything, he hurt them and they have a right to be angry. but not insulting and hurting back is basic human decency)

even james, the one who had to deal with “demon eyes” is willing to help and talk to alastair, whether it’s the conversation they had when elias has a scene at the wedding “there was real kindness in his voice” or “I suppose I never realized until tonight what a great effort that must have taken. It is not an easy thing to hide. And not an easy thing to confront someone about, if you fear they have—such an illness.” or “To be fair to him, I don’t think Matthew and Thomas have given him a chance to do so,” said James. “He was not the only one who was unkind to me, to us, but—we had higher hopes of him, and I think thus a greater disappointment.” (no matter how stupid i find that last sentiment it’s still progress) james is starting to almost subconsciously move past the resentment he seems to only be holding onto for the sake of matthew. i can’t think of a scene where he clearly states why he dislikes alastair unlike matthew saying it’s bc of the rumour or thomas saying it’s bc of the effect the rumour had on his mother.

and thomas was absolute besties with alastair before he found out about the rumour, and i honestly think he wouldn’t care so much after he processed it if matthew didn’t. every argument thomas makes against alastair somehow involves matthew, for example “hate what you’ve done to matthew” he seems to have already moved on from his own hesitations, having realized the blame for the rumour and his mother’s pain can’t exactly rest on alastair. and don’t even get me started on christopher he doesn’t give a shit.

and yes! they’re civil to the other bullies, so i genuinely think it’s just a matter of matthews self hatred being projected onto alastair and the other thieves feeling obligated to tag along to that severity

#tysm for the ask!!! <3 #answered ask

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prorevenge · 4 years ago

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Boyfriend cheats on me with my step sibling so I get him kicked out and destroy his relationship with his parents

When I was around 17 I started dating a guy (19), I'll call him "Jake" for the sake of this post. Also age of consent where I live is 16 so nothing illegal happening here. We got on well, spent a lot of time together and cared for each other a lot. We even started talking about living together once we both moved out. We were a perfectly happy couple.

Or so I thought.

You see, after we'd been dating for a few months, something in Jake changed. He was getting a lot more distant. Whenever he was with me he'd be checking his phone constantly. we stopped spending as much time together and he started to get really funny about public affection, regarding things like hand holding and stuff. He also seemed to start caring less and less about my feelings. I used to have a bit of a thing for humiliation in the bedroom, nothing too far and we'd spoken about what Jake should and shouldn't say, but he started to get more and more degrading. He'd tell me how no one would ever love me and would pick on my insecurities, I actually broke down crying a few times when this happened. To give him a bit of credit, the first few times he did stop everything he was doing and apologise/cuddle with me until I felt better but eventually that stopped too and he just began rolling his eyes and telling me to grow up. He was like a completely different person.

The insults started to seep into our everyday life. He'd pick on my appearance a lot, bring up my family (I was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time), bring up the fact that I slept around before we started dating (a sort of rebellion caused by the family issues) etc. If got upset by it he'd just leave the room and let me cry by myself. I started to feel like it was my fault our relationship was falling apart, maybe I just wasn't good enough for him.

I knew deep down that he was cheating on me and that was confirmed when I got a message from a guy, "David", on Facebook telling me that he'd been sleeping with Jake. He apologised profusely and told me that he broke things off with Jake as soon as he found out he had a boyfriend. I couldn't be mad at David, it wasn't his fault. We spoke for hours and I reassured David that it wasn't his fault and that he'd done nothing wrong. David also helped me to stop making excuses for Jake's attitude and the way he'd been acting. He was a godsend.

The thing that truly broke me happened not too long after the cheating was discovered. We'd been arguing a hell of a lot more. Then he decided to do something absolutely unforgivable. You see, I had a stained relationship with my father for years. He'd cheat on my mother constantly and eventually, he settled down and had kids with a girl he'd been seeing behind her back. He did try to have some sort of relationship with me till I was about 13/14 ish and then decided that he didn't love me as much as his other kids and we stopped any and all contact. It broke me and it still hurts to think about to this day. Anyway, Jake went out of his way to find on of my step siblings online and slept with them. He bragged about it the next day and my step sibling actually posted online about what had happened and I received a bunch of messages from their friends telling me how I had deserved it. This was probably the lowest point in my life and I hated myself, partly for allowing it to happen and partly because I had started to believe what they were saying.

My only solace during this time was David (I didn't want to burden my friends with my problems and David was one of the only people who knew, first hand what Jake was like). We spoke for a few weeks and eventually talk turned to revenge. I had tried calling things off a couple of months prior due to Jake's awful behaviour but he started with the apologies and telling me he didn't mean it, he'd never do it again. He even spoke to some of my family members who, unknowingly, pressured me to get back together with him as we were "such a sweet couple". I hadn't wanted to tell them the real reason that we'd broken up so I kept the details pretty vague,though I'm pretty sure some of them had seen my step siblings post and knew why I didn't want to be with him.

After weeks of talking and planning, I had finally had enough and decided to do something about it.

My father wasn't exactly a rich man but he worked a pretty well paying job and earned enough money to live fairly comfortably. He had begun spreading rumours around when I was younger (during a custody battle with my mother) that he had set up a trust fund for me and that there was enough money there to get me set up in my own place when I was 18, plus a bit extra. I knew that this was absolute bullshit, he tried to get out of paying child support all the time, of course he'd never set up a trust fund for me. However, Jake didn't.

We'd never spoken about it a lot but he'd heard the rumours and I'd just always say what I told you folks, my father was an appalling parent who grudged paying my mother child support so why the hell would he set up a trust fund. But Jake wouldn't listen, he even did his own research into the type of job my father worked and came up with an estimate of how much he thought my father was earning. Though, to his credit, he did drop the subject whenever I asked him to, for a while anyways.

I decided to use this to my advantage. Jake and I were still dating though I avoided him at any chance I got. Until one night where I sat him down and told him that since I'd be turning eighteen in a couple of weeks, I'd started thinking about us getting our own place. With the trust fund my father had set up for me. He immediately cheered up at this and honestly I think that night was the first time in months that he'd said anything nice to me when we weren't in public or with friends/family. This very nearly made me want to call the whole thing off but I spoke with David later that night and he reminded me that Jake would go back to his usual degrading attitude in no time.

We started looking at flats, though Jake was "kind enough" to let me have the final say and handle the paperwork (because how could he possibly go out and cheat on me if he had to sort out the paperwork for a flat). I was a little surprised by this to be very honest as I'd always thought that he'd want his name on the paperwork and everything so I couldn't kick him out. But by this point he'd slept with my step sibling, degraded me, smashed my self confidence to pieces and cheated on me regularly, I think by now he thought that I wouldn't kick him out no matter what he did.

Anyways, I started taking up extra shifts at work to try and save enough money to actually move out. Not with Jake though, oh no. I was moving in with my friend, Emma. We had both been thinking about moving out for a while anyways and though, why not just be roommates. We found a cute little one bedroom flat that was close to our college and work and started getting stuff sorted to move in. I also didn't want to bring any trouble to my mothers door if Jake started kicking up a fuss, Emma had no issues with clawing the face off him if need be and told me not to worry about him coming to our front door.

Then came the next part of the plan. I waited till a week or so before Jake and I were supposedly moving into our own flat and stole his phone for a few minutes. He'd stopped caring about leaving his phone unattended and would sometimes flat out brag about how lucky he was to be able to sleep with whoever he wanted and come home to "a little bitch" who'd make him dinner. So that day when he went for a shower, he wasn't all too bothered about taking his phone with him. Perfect.

I went onto his phone, deleted my number from his contacts and changed the name of his mm's contact as mine.

Pleased, I went to the kitchen, smashed one of the plates (it was my mother's but it was a cheap one from a local shop and I did replace it as soon as possible). I just needed a reason for him to get pissed off. An, oh boy, did he get pissed off.

His first reaction was to text me, calling me all the disgusting names under the sun. Except it wasn't me he'd texted, it was his mum. I'd texted her in advance and told her that I hoped she'd forgive me but she had to see what her son was really like. She'd never tried to defend him as much as she just hadn't known quite how bad his behaviour was. She'd actually called him out a couple of times where he'd slipped up and been harsh with me when she was there.

She. Went. Apeshit.

I never found out exactly how their argument went as she phoned him to scream at him and call him out for his shitty behaviour, finally seeing how horrible her son was. It didn't help that she'd been sent screenshots of some of the times where he'd admitted to cheating. She was absolutely disgusted by her sons behaviour and phoned me to apologise on Jake's behalf. It wasn't her fault though, he's old enough to know how to act like a damn adult. He wound up telling his mum essentially that her opinion didn't matter as he'd be moving in with me anyways.

Needless to say when he called me on Facebook (after I deleted my number from his phone) I took some satisfaction in telling him that we weren't moving in together, that the trust fund wasn't real (I'd already told him that in the past, he just refused to listen) and that I'd moved in with Emma. I was called all the sluts and whores under the sun, his voice sort of turned into white noise after a while. I told him we were over and hung up. Blocked him on everything.

He had to run back to his mum and dad, his tail between his legs, and they took him back for a little while. Though after a bit, the arguments became too much and his parents kicked him out, he stayed with a couple of friends for a few months before he managed to get his own place. His parents, especially his mother, have not been the same with him since. I still talk to his mum on occasion.

Lastly, David and I took the liberty of sending screenshots of Jake's abuse to as many of the people he'd been hooking up with as possible. A couple of sleepless nights were spent trying to track people down on Facebook. Part of it was to get back at Jake but most of it was just to make sure that none of them got roped into a full on relationship with him and had to deal with all the crap I'd gone through.

So there it is, my little story of pro revenge. I know this is really long so there's a tldr below. I wasn't ever planning on posting my story but I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and one of Jake's new accounts popped up on the People You May Now section. After talking with Emma about it, she suggested posting it here, I hope it fits in this subreddit. Bye :)

TLDR

Boyfriend turns into a cheating asshole and winds up sleeping with one of my step siblings to hurt me, knowing that I do not have contact with my father. I play up to the rumour that my dad has set up a trust fund (he hadn't) trick him into thinking we can move in together and into ruining his relationship with his parents. He winds up getting kicked out, I move in with a friend. Also send screenshots of his abusive texts to all of his partners to ensure they don't make the mistake of dating him.

(source) story by (/u/Mikey_Audrey_Myers)

#prorevenge #by /u/Mikey_Audrey_Myers #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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enna-of-the-stars · 4 years ago

Text

This is Home: Chapter 2

If you missed the first chapter, click here

Fandom: Natsume Yuujinchou Word Count: 5.1k Rating: General Audiences Summary: Natsume Takashi has never really had a place where he could settle down and call home, but that was before the Fujiwaras came along and bundled him away to a little town called Yatsuhara.

A ficlet about Natsume first moving in with the Fujiwaras and learning to break the habits that he's built over the years from constantly terrible relatives. Also, the Natsume Protection Squad develops instantly the moment Natsume walks into class. It just happens. That's it, there's no going back, the class just adopts him and Nishimura will fight anyone and everyone that will hurt Natsume.

CHAPTER TWO: Take Me Home

“Alright, alright, everyone settle down, settle down,” The teacher said. “We have a new transfer student today, so I hope everyone will welcome him.” And with that, the teacher nods at the twig-like figure hovering indiscriminately by the blackboard. Natsume’s hands are wrapped around his midsection, as he releases one to pick up a piece of chalk. His hands are weak and they shake slightly as Natsume slowly and carefully scratches out his name somewhere in the corner of the blackboard, taking up as little space as possible, while still making it readable just in case the teacher gets mad, because previous teachers have. The room is silent, and he can feel the piercing stares of the class honing in on every move he makes. Their stares bore deep holes within him and Natsume can sense the rising anticipation for his name to be released to the throngs of interested and curious students. When he finishes writing, there’s a collective breath as the whole class seems to relax suddenly. The constant frenzy of stares almost, almost disappear and Natsume can breath again.

“Alright, Natsume-kun, why don’t you introduce yourself?” The teacher’s voice cuts into the thick silence without much resistance. Natsume’s voice is just the opposite, slow, both methodical and heavy so that the silence fills where he pushes in every moment he pauses. The broken padlock and the stray fragments of rope have begun to creak. The lock clicks and clicks, it’s close to closing. The rope slithers up and around, reforming as it goes. But neither fully finish resettling.

“My name is Natsume Takashi, nice to meet you.” He deliberately ends it there. No use in continuing if everyone’s already dead set on believing the rumours that always hurry into a room before him. And it’s painfully obvious Natsume’s prediction is right; the moment he ends, the classroom erupts into a buzz and people are eyeing him just like they have always done. They whisper and collude, shifty gazes turning from stares into death threatening glares at the equally shifting Natsume. No matter how many times he goes through this, it still hurts. It hurts to see people like this, people that should have at least tried to welcome him, instantly throwing him aside and believing the rumors instead. It’s dark and full of shadows and the classroom seems dim. They don’t know him and they never will, he’s just that kid that no one wants.

“Well then,” The teacher’s voice once again cuts through the room, slicing the tension in two. “Natsume-kun, why don’t you sit over there, in the empty seat in front of Nishimura-kun.”

“E-eh?!” Nishimura sort of starts, snapping out of his daydreaming; everyone knew he had been napping, not daydreaming. But it’s too late, Nishimura has already over tipped the balance of his chair and yes, it seems gravity had a bone to pick with Nishimura as he flails, arms shooting up and out and waving all around before he falls, hard. The next thing he knows, the room is erupting in laughter at Nishimura, who in turn turns beet red and sputters as he sits up and meekly shuffles back into his seat. Even the teacher snorts, holding back chuckles as the entire class hysterically laughs. Natsume blinks, all the tension in the room is gone and no one seems to be staring anymore, instead they’re all laughing at, no, with Nishimura, who can’t help but sheepishly laugh along with them, mouth apologies, to which the teacher acknowledges whilst in the midst of laughing.

“Alright, alright, everyone back in your seats,” The teacher eventually cuts in, a kind smile already adorning his face. “Natsume-kun, why don’t you head to your desk now that we all know Nishimura-kun is back with us in the realm of the living.”

Hesitantly, Natsume nods and makes his way through the desks; people are still poking fun at Nishimura, so most of the class pays Natsume no mind. In fact, Nishimura’s little fall seems to have dusted away any tension that room had previously, and with the sun peaking through the windows just right, Natsume’s hunched shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. People may not have been the most welcoming, but that was to be expected; it’s obvious that they aren’t exactly cruel, not like before, so Natsume isn’t as afraid this time, less wary, to let a minuscule smile ever so slightly slip out as he makes his way to his new desk.

It’s nice honestly, the day is soft, wisps of air blow gently across the courtyard of the school. The sky is mostly a brilliant sapphire, clouds of pearl providing sporadic shade. The sun is gold, as it always is, shimmering and glittering and filtering its way into the classroom so that every desk is illuminated a golden yellow. The class seems small, but it’s better this way, better than anything the cities had ever been able to offer. The tension that had drifted away didn’t melt back in, and almost every classmate was chattering quietly, just under their breaths. But it wasn’t criticism, it wasn’t gossip, just simple curiosity and it suddenly hits him like a sack of bricks. I was wrong, Natsume thinks. The class hadn’t been like the others, the buzz that Natsume had originally perceived as gossip and scorn was actually just been that same curiosity that echoes now. They had heard the rumors, everyone knows them, but these people weren’t judging him. They were simply analyzing him, what his like were, where he’s been, what he’s actually like. And this, Nishimura kid, the one that sits behind Natsume, he’s no different either. Natsume would later know that Nishimura was not an analytical person in the slightest, at least not when it came to school. But looking down now, just before he sits down, Natsume sees a kind smile from Nishimura, who lifts a hand to wave hello.

“Sorry ‘bout that, I’m Nishimura Satoru by the way.” Nishimura smiles wider at Natsume’s slight nod. Soft spoken, and ever gentle, Natsume replies, forgetting the rope and realizing with surprise that it’s gone far, far away.

“Hello, Nishimura.”

The class is quiet after that, and when the break comes, Natsume silently falls asleep, too tired from the anxiety and fear that comes with moving to a new school, but for some reason feeling safe enough to rest, even if for just a few moments. Everyone notably quiets down when they see Natsume put his head in his arms and onto the desk.

“I-is he sleeping?” Someone whispers.

“I think so?”

“Should we wake him up?”

“Yeah, maybe? Break’s almost over soon.”

“Wait! Wait, wait!” A voice suddenly breaks in. Sasada hastily grabs Nishimura by the

crook of his arm. “You idiot! Natsume-kun is obviously tired! Let’s give him a few more minutes, the bell isn’t going to ring until ten after all.”

By the time the teacher comes strolling back in, everyone is in their respective seats. Natsume is still asleep at his desk, no one wanting to truly awaken him even as the bell signaling the end of break rings. They tried, but to their surprise, Natsume merely stirred slightly, face coming into view of the soon to be noon sun. When Nishimura saw the dark circles under Natsume’s eyes, he refused to let anyone else try to wake Natsume up.

“No, I understand what you’re trying to say, Nishimura, but have to wake him up! Class is about to start soon.” Sasada said.

“Your the one that said to give him some time, and besides, look at him! He’s exhausted. Come on, Sasada, you’re the class rep if you just explain things to the teach, it’ll be fine.” Nishimura retorted.

Sasada huffed and crossed her arms. Truthfully, she didn’t want to wake up the new transfer student either, he did look really tired after all. But at the same time, as class representative, it was her duty to help ensure a good working environment in the room, and with Natsume sleeping like this, it wouldn’t do any good for the work ethic she wanted to instill in her class. Yet, something inside her said screw that. She turned around and stalked out of the classroom to the teacher’s lounge, but not before glaring down Nishimura and sticking her tongue out at him.

“Geez, don’t hafta be so mean.” Nishimura said as he turns back around to sit in his seat. The rest of the class does the same as the late bell starts ringing and Sasada comes back with the teacher. The lecture starts with no discourse, and Natsume is allowed to sleep on as student after student slowly quiets down; something about Natsume makes all of them want to indulge him just a little, even if they have only just met. As the periods come and go, Natsume doesn’t wake up until lunch comes around. He slowly shifts and sits up, rubbing his right eye lightly and squinting at the sudden adjustment to sunlight. Ethereal, his pupils glitter gold and widen briefly before turning to cat like slits, giving rise to such a bright hazel that they look exactly like liquid amber. Students’ conversations sort of drop off, as they watched Natsume blearily rub his eye. Some other student, who Natsume would soon know as his friend Kitamoto, also stopped in his conversation with Nishimura. The two couldn’t help but stare; Natsume was lighting up the whole room with his gentle glow.

Natsume looks around, once again aware of the stares, which hastenly fall away when he looks at them. Self-consciously, Natsume grabs his bag and heads out the door, quickly shutting it behind him and fast walking away from the classroom. He shifts around, unsure of the school layout as other students that had filtered out from their own classrooms for lunch curiously looked at the new transfer.

There were too many eyes, too many people, not enough space. Natsume’s chest tightened as the reeling stares closed in on him and the air sizzled as he felt the burn of a flush threatening and licking fire onto his ears. The quiet voices grew louder and louder, echoing further and higher. There’s a buzz in the air just like before. Natsume can feel the world disappear as the air burns cold then hot then everything is gone and he runs. And he runs, and runs, and runs and runs and runs runs runs runs—

Gasping for breath, Natsume drops to his knees and falls to the wall standing tall to his right. The world is spinning in dizzy, maddeningly warping drifts. Spot are in his vision as they flicker in and out and the rush fills his head, roaring and screaming for him to find safety and there’s nothing but the roar, the gush, the sound and it won’t stop, doesn’t want to stop, can’t stop. Natsume clutches at his chest and desperately heaves a moment too soon as he drops to the ground, hoping somehow, that his lungs would work and the air would work and god why won’t anything work ? And it doesn’t and everything burns brilliant and painful as the world shimmers in and out of existence. The bubbles have come back. It’s foamy and watery and there’s nothing but a waterfall overflowing and drowning. Moments pass, who knows how long; eventually the torrent of water stops and the world comes into focus again, but it’s still incomprehensibly shaky. Everything wobbles and wavers as Natsume struggles to stand, leaning heavily onto the wall, using it as a support.

Slowly, but surely, Natsume shuffles along, one hand maintaining its steadying position against the wall. The sun is still high in the air and the sound of other students laughing and talking still comes around from the corners and falls down from above. At least it’s still lunch... I think… Natsume shakes head in an attempt to force the world to focus, and thankfully, it does—the walls straighten, the ground flattens, and the rustling of the tree leaves finally comes into the forefront—and Natsume plods along. Other students have begun to round the corner and their voices drop at the sight of the transfer student. And god is the silence louder than anything Natsume has ever heard before. It screams and screams. He turns around and gives them a quick once over, before bolting, hoping, praying, that nothing would tilt and give way when he needed it the most. One corner after the other, gravel after concrete, and eventually Natsume finds the perfect corner. It’s secluded, impossibly drowning in the concrete walls that loom up above. A few trees surround it, providing shade, but most importantly, safety. No one can see Natsume from above. The concrete practically encloses everything in a shell, a protective cocoon that even if someone comes near the corner they would have to really look in order to see anything. It’s a small pothole really, but it’s more than enough for Natsume, he’s hidden in smaller before. This could be considered one of the roomier corners.

Natsume slips off his bag and sets it ever so gently down onto the cold ground. He leans against the wall, closing his eyes, relishing in not silence, but peaceful quiet. There’s no one around, no one to judge, no one to hurt him. He’s safe, protected, gone. Unconsciously, Natsume slides downwards, landing on the ground in a pile of twig limbs. A clink forces him to open his eyes.

Looking down, next to his foot, is the same school bag Natsume’s been using for the past few years. It’s worn, it’s old and most certainly out of style, but it’s stayed with him through all this time. He can’t remember where he got the bag, whether it was a gift or not, but either way it was the only thing he could call anywhere close to home. It was his constant throughout life; this bag was the only thing that he could count on, with its heavy strap digging into his shoulder reassuringly, reminding him it was there even after all the families that had thrown him away, all the people that had called him a liar, a thief, a problem child. This bag, with small embroidery on the tag inside with his name, “Natsume Takashi,'' was the only thing that reassured Natsume. Perhaps it was his mother that had made it all those years, before Natsume had even been born, preparing for him to enter middle school, or perhaps it was his father maybe? He can’t remember, not after everything. The rising panic settles in, can he even remember his father’s face? His mother… who was his mother again? She died before Natsume was old enough to learn her face, her voice. But his father… that voice was the only thing Natsume could remember, and even then it was hazy, barely there. The only thing that remained were the voices of those things that followed Natsume, those people that hurt him, that had him then tossed him away, passed him along to another to suffer with.

The tides return and the waterfall gushes and flows. Natsume gasps for air and clamps both hands over his ears and curls up into a ball; the roar comes back and fills his head drowning out all noise. It’s loud, it’s painful, but it’s everything Natsume’s ever known, and eventually it stops, just like it always had. The world flickers back. Wary, Natsume breathes heavily for a bit, letting the mostly warm summer air filter in and out, warming up his freezing fingers and allowing a warmth to blossom his chest. With shaky hands, he weakly pulls at the strap of the bag lying next to him and opens it. Inside, unbelievably, is a bento Touko had pushed into his hands that morning. It’s wrapped in a colourful cloth decorated in simple white dots on a baby blue background. A bow is neatly tied at the top, holding it all together.

Natsume unwraps the bento with unsteady hands and is immediately surrounded by a heavenly smell. When he opens it with a soft snap of plastic, the fluffy aromas cascade and envelope Natsume in a gentle hug. Tamagoyaki, rice, leafy greens, and perfectly grilled salmon fill the bento, giving color and vibrancy that reminded Natsume of the welcoming lunch that he, Shigeru, and Touko shared together. Carefully, Natsume uses his chopsticks to separate a small piece off of the salmon and lifts it to his mouth. The moment he bites down, the crisp outer shell of the salmon gives way with a soft crunch, revealing the warm insides of tender meat. The tamagoyaki is soft, sweet and unlike anything that Natsume’s had before. None of his relatives had ever done this, making him breakfast where, Natsume wonders, Is this what love tastes like? Every bite is a treasure trove, perfect in every which way, golden and tender and full of the time and love that Natsume wonders if he was dreaming. What if all of this was just some cruel joke? The Fuijwaras were too nice, nicer than anyone had ever been to Natsume, too much like the dreams of family that he desperately wanted. What if they were just yokai, playing around with a stupid human child naive enough to truly believe what was happening around him. What if the Fujiwaras weren’t huma—

“Stop it.” Natsume growls out to himself. “Stop it. They’re real. Touko-san and Shigeru-san are real! They have to be real.”

A breath, and Natsume closes the bento. Even if the Fujiwara weren’t real, the food at least is and he has to save it. The Fujiwaras are nice now, but… so was Satanoka-san too, in the beginning. He can’t risk it. If there wasn’t any food anymore, the rest of the bento would at least tide him over just long enough so that Natsume could survive. Bits and pieces here and there would be enough. It was enough in the past, it will be now. So carefully, Natsume wraps up the bento, tucking it away safely into his bag. He swings the bag over his head and onto his shoulder, readjusting it like he had always done before, a habit, he realizes. Natsume looks up at the clear sapphire sky, the soft clouds rolling evenly, regularly over the wind’s waves and grabs at the strap of his bag once more as he methodically returns to the classroom, a few wrong turns here and there because the school was too new..

The bell rings as Natsume sits back down at his desk. The class settles as the teacher walks in, a different one this time, one Natsume doesn’t recognize. The lesson starts and Natsume swallows, he’s missed too many days in the past; the black board is full of incomprehensible math and everyone else seems to understand what’s going on. Natsume sets to copying what’s on the board. It’s okay, he thinks, I can figure it out. I have to. That’s when he realizes, all the periods before lunch had disappeared in a flash, and he had been sleeping the whole time, which could only mean one thing, the teacher was mad. They always get mad when he falls asleep in class. Always. So Natsume waits, hunching over, trying to make himself seem as small as possible. The earth could open up beneath him right now, and Natsume would gladly let it. Anything was better than getting yelled at.

But the cruel words never come, instead, the lecture merely continues. Natsume hunches further down, tension released from his shoulders, exhaustion overwhelming him all of a sudden. And it's as if he was Atlas, carrying the world on his shoulders, because Natsume can’t keep his eyes open, let alone sit up in his chair. The world is looming, it’s heavy, overpowering him until there’s nothing but darkness and silence.

“Wait, Kitamoto, lemme wake up Natsume first, before we go.” Nishimura said.

“Who?” Kitamoto replies from just outside the classroom door. He had just peeked into the room to find Nishimura.

“Oh, right, the new transfer student.” Nishimura said, pointing at Natsume’s sleeping figure leaning over the desk top. Kitamoto merely raises an eyebrow. “Just give me a sec, Kitamoto.”

Gently, Nishimura taps Natsume’s shoulder. And like a whirlwind destroying all that’s in its path, Natsume snaps awake in a flurry of motion, instinctively shying away from the hand that woke him up and consequently falling out of his chair. Nishimura falls back too, shocked at the sudden movement. Kitamoto surges forward to catch Nishimura and the two fall against each other, back to chest. Natsume scrambles up, a crazed look in his eyes as he stares first at Nishimura, then Kitamoto. His eyes dart back and forth between the two, chest heaving, gasping for air. A certain urgency flashes through Kitamoto and he wraps an arm around Nishimura’s middle and hauls him out of the classroom, almost carrying the severely protesting boy.

“Wait! Kitamoto what are you doing?!” Nishimura exclaims, kicking all the while being quite literally man handled into leaving the room. “Wait, Acchan! You can’t just—ack!”

With a lurch, Kitamoto practically throws the two of them down the stairs and away; he continues hauling the flailing Nishimura until they’re out of the school and far, far away from Natsume.

Natsume blinks rapidly before sliding down onto the floor, chest stuttering and breath disappearing, some spirit had ripped it from him, Natsume reasoned. Why else would he be so scared? But then again... I can’t believe I thought that Nishimura was a yokai… Natsume thought, before bringing both hands up to rub his eyes. The next time he opens them, the light is dimming and fire burns in the twilight. It’s golden hour, clouds vibrant and molten, sky burning away into black. Something about it sets Natsume off edge, something’s wrong. Hesitantly, Natsume stands back up and grabs his bag, leaving through the front of the school. Something’s wrong, it’s the familiar feeling of stares again and every hair on the back of Natsume’s neck is standing up, and yet the school is empty, too empty. Natsume hurries back to the Fujiwara house, the road stretching far in front of him. The bend in the road is thankfully familiar and it almost settles the uneasy feeling burning in Natsume with the sunset. Until he sees a shadow looming over him. A warm breath breathes down his neck, chilling a terrifyingly close.

“Natsume Reiko! Return my name!”

Natsume whips around and falls to the ground; above him is a horned yokai with no eyes and a mouth from one side of its face to the other. It opens its mouth again.

“Return it!” The yokai screams, a void opening where the mouth is, large and gaping. It lunges forward, hands clawing at Natsume’s arms and legs. Adrenaline snapping, Natsume scrambles backwards before flipping around and bolted as fast as he can away from yokai. He trips and falls, landing on his hand and slamming on to his right knee. The gravel digs into his skin, cutting it open and forcing his blood to flow onto the sturdy fabric covering his knee. The world tilts in confusing ways and Natsume runs, faster and faster until everything is just a blur, invisible to the eye. I can’t! I have to—I have to find a shrine, Natsume’s thoughts run. Shrines had always protected him before, so this time, maybe this time it would work too. So Natsume runs and runs and runs, until the world darkens and there’s nothing but him and the warm breath breathing down his neck every time he turns around.

Into the forest, over the roots and through the leaves, Natsume sees a glimpse of a staircase and staggers towards it. His lungs are burning and eating away at the precious oxygen supply that he has. Each step sends fire up his leg and into his chest, each grab of a tree trunk or root sends lava to his heart. Nothing matters except those stairs, The stairs, have to… stairs. Natsume breaks sharply to the right, the yokai following him. Up and up and up Natsume pounds along the stone stairs until with no breath left in him, he reaches a torii gate. And the moment he passes through, the yokai screams again, but proceeds no further, because it can’t. So Natsume falls to the floor on his back, his own lungs screaming for air, and the world tilting and swirling above him as he watches, strange for the season, perfect pink blossoms dancing on the air as waves crash and break about him. He closes his eyes.

A gentle touch awakens him. Natsume sits up, wincing at the sharp jabs of pain racing from his hand and knee, but then freezes at the sight before him. Lights, golden and shimmering float up and down, dipping with each lull of an invisible wave. The touch that had awoken Natsume was one of those gentle drops of yellow landing on his nose. It flew away the moment he sat up, but it lingered, drifting around Natsume before joining the sea of lights. They surround him, seemingly trying to lead him somewhere, so Natsume follows, mesmerized by the glowing faint warmth of all the lights sailing beside, above, and around him; feeling safer than he’s been before, Natsume understands no urgency. The lights bob up and down, fluttering faster and further every time he gets close enough, leading him on until just at the crest of the hill, an abandoned shrine, long lost to the echoes of time, stands firm despite its age.

The sun is long gone, settling down for the night and the sky is still that dusty black right at the end of twilight. Ink drenched shadows curl over the steps and Natsume takes a seat at the back of the shrine. The little lights flicker and bloom and settle. One moment they glisten and glow along the treetops, lighting up the flower blossoms, casting yellow rim lights; the next moment they twirl and dance downside up from staircase to tree and finally to Natsume, landing peacefully into his palm. Breathtaking and beautiful, the sky darkens into a velvet black and the world refocuses. There’s only the light of the fireflies and the smell of the blossoms. Natsume breathes in, letting his lungs finally, peacefully, take in the air that was robbed from it so long ago. By the time he’s breathed his fill and looks up, the stars have awoken, winking back at Natsume from the far off distance engulfed in space.

And it’s only now, does Natsume finally recognize the meaning of the dark. It’s too late, far too late. He should’ve been back at the Fujiwara house by now, but he’s not and suddenly, the panic settles back into his chest. It grabs at his arms, his chest, clutching tight and forcing the air out of him as it snakes its way around his neck and tightens impossibly. A noose. The world falls again and flickers. In and out. In and out. It’s too cold, too cold. The buzz is back and rings in his ears infinitely loud and obnoxiously drowning drowning drowning—

“Takashi!”

The flood stops and Natsume finds his footing, coming to the surface for the first gulp of air in who knows how long. He gasps and sputters as a figure comes rounding the corner. Natsume whips around and stares at the dark figure, overshadowed by the looming trees. But the lights around him start swirling and suddenly, Shigeru’s face comes into focus, illuminated under the glow of a thousand fireflies. A hand reaches for Natsume, patient and kind, waiting for him.

“There you are, Takashi. You gave us quite a fright you know?” Shigeru said, jokingly, a smile tugging at his lips. “Why don’t we go home before Touko-san cooks a feast for twelve.” He winks.

The water returns, but it’s no longer a waterfall of gushing drowning liquid, instead its softened. The small droplets simply dip low and fall with a quiet pit patter. Shigeru’s eyebrows knit together as he moves forward, gently sitting down next to Takashi. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it in silence when ever so slightly, Takashi moves closer. Shigeru’s eyes soften and he wraps his arm around the crying boy’s shoulders. They sit in not silence, but quiet. Takashi doesn’t let any tears fall with sound, but the warmth of an arm around his shoulders is enough to let the waterfall flow. And the lights continue to glow; small flickers flash and float.

“Takashi-kun!” Touko exclaims as both Shigeru and Takashi enter the house. Touko still has that apron on when she comes practically running into the genkan to greet the two. “You had me so worried! Thank you, Shigeru-san, for finding Takashi-kun and—Oh my! Takashi-kun, your hand!”

Shigeru frowns and carefully takes a look at Takashi’s hand, and only then does he see the true extent of the injuries. Bruised and battered, both hand and knee were scraped raw only just scabbing over. The cuts weren’t too deep, superficial at most, but the bruising would only get worse before it got better and even then, the open wounds still needed to be properly cleaned and patched up.

“O-oh, I’m sorry, Touko-san. It’s nothing, really!” Takashi answers, clenching his fist and turning it away from Touko in an effort to hide them away from her.

“Natsume Takashi!” Touko raises her voice a slight pitch and suddenly both Shigeru and Takashi are ramrod straight. “We’re going to patch you up,” She gives a pointed look to Shigeru before continuing. “And then all of us are going to enjoy a wonderful dinner!”

And with that, Touko whisks Takashi away, pulling him into the kitchen and sitting him down in his chair. She grabs a clean napkin, lightly wetting it before returning to Takashi and rolling his pants up past his knee, dabbing at the still bleeding cut. Shigeru on the other hand enters the room a moment later, a small innocuous white box in his hand. He sets it down on the dining table and starts pulling out antiseptic, gauze, and band aids. When Touko finishes, Shigeru sweeps in, patching Takashi up. The two work in easy unison and Takashi can feel the physical burn of love coming from the two of them. And like the fire bursting with sparks, the sting of newly cleaned wounds lights another spark in his heart.

He’s home.

click here for chapter one

#natsume yuujinchou #natsume's book of friends #natsume takashi #nishimura satoru #kitamoto atsushi #fujiwara touko #fujiwara shigeru #yokai mentioned #natsume protection squad #natsume's class loves him #fanfic_enna #Rainbows Only His Eyes Can See_series #series_enna

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crossdressingdeath · 4 years ago

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(2/5) in fact, overall I’d say she’s way worse. She constantly belittles her children (including JC). JFM obviously favours WWX over JC, which is obviously not okay, but the guy at the very least respects his daughter’s happiness, and doesn’t downright torture any of his kids. But here’s the thing - people are just not okay with the idea that JC is getting neglected and that seems to translate into a dislike of JFM’s character. However then we get YZY who downright tortures WWX constantly

(3/5) for things that are absolutely not his fault. In fact, they’re things that she’s pretty much made up in her head, since the novel pretty much confirms that the idea of WWX being JFM’s bastard son is just a rumour. The poor guy grows up being constantly belittled, tortured, made to feel like he isn’t good enough. The last thing she does before she dies is blame everything on him and then make him pledge his life to her useless son

(4/5) I’m not saying that people ignore this treatment of WWX in fic, but it’s just the difference in opinion in the fandom. Because people acknowledge that what YZY did to WWX was awful but then at the same time a lot of people still seem to really like the character? And they act there’s this grey area where they feel like they need to understand her actions because JFM doesn’t treat her right, or because she’s a scorned woman, and that should not give her an excuse to outright torture

I seem to be missing part 1 and 5, which is... a new low honestly, get your shit together tumblr, but I’m guessing what I’m missing is talking about people saying JFM is worse than YZY, so I’m gonna go with that.

Y’know, if I absolutely had to pick one of them to raise me... it’d be JFM, hands down. Is he neglectful? Yes. Should he do more to keep his wife from tormenting his children and his ward? Absolutely! But at the end of the day, YZY is cruel in a way that JFM doesn’t get close to. Except that time he tells WWX to his face that he should die for JC, but YZY does the same thing (and also tells WWX that the fall of Lotus Pier is his doing even though she’s the one who openly antagonized WLJ and refused to set her pride aside for five fucking seconds to realize being a supervisory office was better than being dead) so we’ll just set that aside for now. The best example I think is YZY’s first scene in CQL. JFM is just... hanging out with his kids. They’re laughing and smiling and genuinely having a good time. Then YZY enters and all of that stops instantly. She just sucks the joy out of everyone else in her family because they all know she’ll be jumping on any perceived flaw the moment she gets the chance. The Jiang kids can be happy with JFM. They can’t be happy with YZY. That in and of itself says pretty clearly that she’s way worse than JFM.

For fuck’s sake, she deliberately and openly makes WWX’s life miserable because of a rumour. A child, who’s never done anything to hurt her. He’s better than JC and just happens to be the son of her husband’s rumoured (rumoured! There isn’t even proof that JFM did have feelings for CSSR!) crush, so she feels entirely justified in treating him like shit. And I see so, so many fics where JFM “realizes that YZY is great actually” and starts being all lovey-dovey with her and suddenly it’s like she’s a whole different person, treating the kids well and not tormenting WWX and everything. Like... that is not how it works. First off, that’s basically saying if JFM just loved the woman he was probably forced to marry who’s constantly belittling him and abusing his children and ward everything would be fine! YZY being abusive has nothing to do with JFM loving her or not loving her, she’s abusive because that’s who she is. Not to mention the fics that insist she totally loves WWX deep down, she’s just bad at showing it! Meanwhile she treats him like a servant at best and was happy to maim him and turn him over to the Wens; the only reason she didn’t was because WLJ said something she didn’t like.

There’s so much stuff in the fandom that’s like... “Wow, Madam Yu, what a strong, powerful woman!” and... she’s cruel. She’s cruel and abusive and makes her children’s lives a living hell because her husband doesn’t worship at her feet. She insults or ignores every attempt JFM makes to try and bring them closer together and puts zero work into their relationship herself. She almost certainly whipped WWX more than once and raised him to believe he had to sacrifice everything for the Jiangs, that he owed them a lifetime of servitude because they didn’t let him die on the streets. If you really want to blame someone other than the Wens for the fall of Lotus Pier, she made zero effort to prepare for an attack and deliberately and openly antagonized the Wens’ representative because it hurt her pride that they sent someone she perceived as beneath her, then blamed a fucking child for it. So many of the Jiang siblings’ issues can be traced directly back to her. And some people insist JFM was worse than her because he didn’t pay attention to JC, even though the worst he did was not stop her.

Is JFM a good parent? No. But he’s leagues ahead of YZY.

#mdzs #yzy is a cruel elitist piece of shit who should never have been allowed anywhere NEAR a child #asks #anon

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calypsoff · 4 years ago

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Forty One. Part 2

Scrunching my face up hearing lots of people talking, opening my eyes frowning realising I fell asleep on the couch, the last thing I remember was Monica giving me tablets, well painkillers and that was it, I was gone to a different land “dang” it’s night time “you been sleeping there for a while now” Nikia said laughing, I am half asleep still but also can’t believe how long I slept “Monica drugged me” turning myself on the couch to sit up “Monica drugged you?” Nikia repeated and Monica just side eyed me “auntie is not happy, what you give him?” She questioned “something to shut him up” I chuckled rubbing my face “has she come back yet?” Clearly Robyn isn’t here in the room “not yet, she called to ask and I said you was sleeping but she is out still” shaking my head “we had dinner, I made you some. I will get it for you, stay here” Monica got up “thank you so much, you didn’t need too” I mean she didn’t because Robyn should have, she should have been here by the time I woke up, what on earth is she even doing out this late “what time is it?” I mean I don’t even know that “it’s about nine Chris, Majesty is going bed now. You going to say goodnight to her” nodding my head holding my arms out “give me her here, hey bestie. How you doing girl” picking Majesty out of Noella’ arms “you are so precious, hey” she gave me a slight smile “you showing me you had milk, what is this all over your lips” wiping the side of her lips “you drunk on milk, well I will let you go. You staring mad hard” pressing a kiss to her cheek “then we can play drinking games when I come back” these Barbadians love a good drinking game “not sure if that is a good idea” Noella took Majesty from me and walked off “it will be!” Oh great, this will be fun “I’m just warming your food up” Monica came back into the living room “that’s ok; thank you. So Robyn has been out all this time with her dad?” I find it hard to believe “yeah, she said she is still with him” taking in a deep breath “why does she love him so? Like with the things he has done, I couldn’t forgive” Monica sat down slowly “she believes people change, she has a big heart Chris, but Ronald time and time again has showed his worth. He really only started to be in her life the most when she got famous, he hung on and wanted to be her manager which I said no, so Jay Brown was it. I will never forget the time when she begged him to let her go to America and all he thought about was that how bad the place is and that she will end up pregnant and I said no, my daughter isn’t like that but when she went to New York for the opportunity, he was there straight away, funny to me. But it hurts me, I failed my daughter because she craves her fathers love and I feel like she is digging for it but is eventually going to get hurt, she’s not hateful towards him, none of my kids are, just want the best for them. And Ronald isn’t that, but what can I say” Monica shrugged “yeah, we had a disagreement about it. And then she left with him, I’m going to stay out of it, it’s best if I did” it’s crazy that her kids just accept that, I would have beat my dad’ ass.

Looking at the clock, she hasn’t come back, and I don’t even have my phone, did I upset her that much ��does Robyn do this a lot?” It’s going on twelve “when she goes for a drive, yeah she does. She doesn’t get to drive outside of Barbados, so she does it here, she’s with her dad so it’s ok” she does this then “you seem worried, don’t be. She’s ok, having some time to herself and then she will be back, you both had a disagreement I can see” I chuckled “sensed it huh?” I grinned “yeah, you keep looking at the time. No worry, she’s always hanging with someone from Barbados, and she will be right back, she probably just need time to think Chris, we all need that” hearing the front door close “she must be back now, all worried for what” Noella said looking to see “we drinking!?” Oh it’s just Rorrey “not today, I am sat with a Fanta thank you” Rorrey pointed laughing “ok, well I will get a drink and be back family” he walked back out of the door “awww you look so deflated, she will be back Chris. I can assure you, she’s just having a little fun outside, more than likely her dad is home now and she’s just maybe clearing her mind” it’s not good that she is alone, now I am annoyed with myself and annoyed that she is out there, why on earth did she do this “true” what else can I say, I hope I don’t argue with her, I need to think back to my therapist sessions, I lose my tempter a little too much and I do not know why, I am passionate when it comes to Robyn because I care so much about her. I honestly would like to get her dad killed or anything because he has this hold on her, I dislike that he does. If anything happens to her, I will hate myself forever.

I keep clock watching, I just rather she come home “can one of you call her, I have no phone” I am agitated, I can’t deal and be so calm about this, it’s crazy “I’ll do it, you are very uptight about this aren’t you” Rorrey got his phone out “a little” I can’t lose Robyn and I just left it like that, getting up from the couch “big head, where are you?” She picked up so that is good “yeah, I said that. Chris she’s coming, ok cool. Talk soon” she said soon earlier, that is stupid “relax, she good. Sit down with us Chris” Rorrey waved me over to sit down but I feel a little annoyed, and I’m still not staying behind for Robyn, she can deal with it herself. I’m going back to see my people and my family “her going out like that is wrong, I don’t care what any one of you think, she shouldn’t do that. Not when we had a disagreement, she just went. I’m going, I’ll be around” I need some air, we fell out and I got shot, why is she doing this “fuck” I breathed out, let me stop dragging my leg, my rehabilitation trainer won’t be amused. It’s getting better anyways; I would say I think. I was going to go to bed but I can’t go up the steps so I will just go into the spare room and sit here, I just want peace away from people, I am angered she did that. We can’t argue and she storms off like that, it can’t happen. And she went with the man we argued about, how funny is that. That father of hers is going to be a pain in my ass.

Squinting my eyes seeing Robyn all in my face “I was looking everywhere for you, you fell asleep here” looking around true room, no clock “what time is it?” I said all groggily “about three” frowning at Robyn “and you came home now?” Is this real “yeah” moving away from her “you fucking left without saying!” I shouted, “my family are asleep don’t shout ok?” Snatching my arm away from her “shout!? I can do what the fuck I want, you serious can back now!? Now!? The fuck you been, the last time we argued I nearly fucking died and this what you do? You fucking kidding me, get out of my face, talking shit up here, man. You deadass did that to me” I am angry, I don’t care “I didn’t up and leave we argued, and I went with my dad, it’s not a big deal Chris and then I came back home, yes late but that was it. I am in Barbados Chris I am with family and friends; you broke your phone how is that my fault” placing my head in my hands, she is drunk and high “get out of my face Robyn” I said again “you not coming to bed?” She’s got a nerve “the hell I am, go” she’s just so nonchalant about it all “before anything comes out or rumours or whatever, I was in the bar by my old home. With my dad, and friends they were males there. It was fun but they are friends, well family friends, anyways. Be moody, I would have sucked your dick” hearing Robyn walk off, I am not staying here with her. Moving my hands away from my face watching Robyn walk off, she looked behind and at me “I will suck the anger out of you? come” As good as it sounds, I’ll pass. Turning my head away from her, I refuse to even participate in that.

Staring at Robyn asleep in bed, I have been sat here for a while now watching her sleep. You know what gets me, is that we are potentially trying for a baby, she is drinking, and smoking weed. What is wrong with her, I am calm now. I am not angry, but I sure do want to shout at her, she needs to get her act up. I want to know what happened from us having the disagreement to her going out with her dad, like where the fuck did that come from. I am very calm so it would be the best time for her to wake up. It did come to mind, maybe it’s her way of making me stay here. I think that is it, she wants me to stay here with her which I do need to go but I can’t go like this, I promised myself we would never split on a bad argument, shit just gives me war flashbacks and I don’t like it, I get angry because that is what happened to us, we left on an argument and anything could have happed to her and she drove back, she drove back drunk. Well maybe not drunk but she was very high, and I need answers from her, I do. Robyn scared the shit out of me as she jolted out of bed and ran to the bathroom, I didn’t expect that, but she ran by me. Clearly her ass is sick now, that is what she gets for drinking in the first place but at least she is awake.

Robyn slowly came out from the bathroom, when I mean slowly I mean she dragged her feet out of there. Like she didn’t want to leave the bathroom because of what I might say or just the simple fact she is ashamed of her stupidity but whatever it is, she is being rather coy about it “are you done? I got a flight to catch, I am going still” she flopped onto the bed, she is hard done by. I know that look, she is hard done by now “now?” she said in a whisper putting her head down “soon, if you can see I have packed my stuff while you snored so yeah, I am going” clasping my hands together “just like that?” she retorted “just like that” I repeated her words “just like you did but you know what, that is not me. I learnt my lesson; you know I have PTSD about that kind of shit. You left without even talking to me or even considering how I feel when you know what happened to me when we argued, and again. We argued and you went out and I was worried fucking sick about you! I was worried that I was going to lose you because something shit always happens when we do, but I am over it. Right, I am over it. But I am going home but I would like to speak to you before I do so how long until you out of the slump you’re in?” Robyn put her head “ten minutes” she got up from the bed, once again she is dragging her feet, she is hard done by, I can tell.

I am going to be calm; I keep saying this, but I need to be, we need to talk. I can’t go without talking to her, I can’t leave without us making up because I made that mistake before and it never sits well with me anymore doing that “I am sorry” Robyn said, watching her walk back to the bed “for what?” rubbing my head “for upsetting you, I just needed air. I drank a few drinks; I had some weed. I had a good time, I told my family because I know they would tell you and you right. I didn’t think of your PTSD about it” shifting in the chair “right, I assume you’re trying to get pregnant. Because of the amount of sex and the times you don’t swallow and you’re jumping on me, so I assume we are trying yeah? So drinking and doing this shit is no good right, you made the mistake once before, you need to start looking after yourself, so you are drinking and smoking weed need to stop, or if we don’t need to try then do it but I think you need to think long and fucking hard on what you want, I don’t care if you are hanging with your uncles, you tell me. You don’t come to me and tell me in your intoxicated state, with clothing that is seductive that you are with males, friends. You call every Barbadian friend; I don’t want to hear it Robyn. Have some fucking respect for me and for yourself” Robyn silently let tears fall, she kept wiping them, but they kept falling “you just love to bring out the bad side to me, what was a simple disagreement you made it to be something worse, knowing full well I don’t have a phone. I don’t think we need to get married yet, clearly. I mean clearly we just fucking don’t know each other like that because if you think that was normal then you got another thing coming, we don’t do that shit over here” she is sniffling like a child “I knew the men there, I did” she defended herself “this is what I wear here” I can’t even deal with her sniffling like this “I swear I knew them” why do women just cry “bull fucking shit Rihanna! You wore the fucking clothes you wear in this house, I told you I don’t like you showing your body off!” I need to stop shouting; this is not good at all.

I just keep losing myself and end up shouting “it’s ok when you were being disrespectful to me, you were bringing up my past making me feel like shit. You think I want to hear that? You hurt me so yes I went out, and I didn’t tell you, but my family knew, and they told you. But thank you Chris, thank you for telling me I am a shit person once again. Anything else” I sniggered “so we flipping the script now? Is it feel sorry for Robyn when all I wanted was to save you from yourself! You clearly know what a shit he is but you are holding onto what is left, why? You know Robyn, you just admitted to it. I bought it up to remind you that you don’t need him” I didn’t even do a bad thing “well he chose his home, that is what we were discussing, it’s done” she is a dumbass “you a real ass clown, you a whole fucking circus. You real?” here I go again, I just can’t stop myself “fine, but I still don’t think we should get married, clearly we have differences” I don’t think it’s right “in what fucking way? Because you don’t know how to speak to me, you’re trying to calm yourself down. Your mouth always been nasty, ever since I have got you back in my life your mouth has always done it” I sniggered “you fucking disrespectful that is what, I don’t like your body been shown and you admitted to being around men, I wasn’t there. Maybe I would have been cool with it but I’m not, you just thought fuck it, let me just leave this house and teach this nigga a lesson, I don’t want to face it. Knowing full fucking well your stupid ass is trying for a baby, how you drinking like that” she is dumb “you dumb nigga, I was drinking when you was sat there! With me! You didn’t peep a fucking word then did you. But now you got something on me you just using-” the knock on the door made us both be quiet “yes?” Robyn asked “come down” Monica said outside the door “that’s you” I said pointing at the door “both of you, made enough noise in this house” oh she meant both of us “don’t fall down the stairs” Robyn walked by me.

Sitting down on the couch “sorry mommy, it was a disagreement” Robyn said “you both near enough woke up the house, the shouting was not nice to hear. It wasn’t, trust me. It hurt me to hear the shouting, scared me in a way, loud enough to have Rajad knock on my door. I don’t want to hear sorry; I don’t want to hear it. I want to hear talking, I want to hear the issue. You both can’t do this already” clasping my hands together, Robyn glared at me and I just did the same back “you know my issue Monica, with Ronald. And then she went out, late night. I told Robyn that I dislike her showing her body off, I am not all for that boob showing shit, I assumed she changed before going. So she knows that I have said it to her. You and I both know what she was wearing yesterday. Maybe if I was with her, I would let it slide. I am not saying she has to cover her body up, but like private parts, I like to keep that to me. She knows this, she went out and then comes back late at night coming to me half drunk and high saying I was hanging with men, they are family friends, I don’t know these people so that to me is disrespectful. This issue was so small, this didn’t need to escalate but she did it. Ok I take blame; I get a little passionate when I speak. I raised my voice and I apologise”. She is wrong in this “Robyn” Monica spoke, she is not hearing it “he was being mean to me, he was talking about oh you’re getting drunk making the same mistakes from before. I said I was sorry; I needed some air away from him. I didn’t expect to see people I knew, I just hung with them. Some freedom, I do not like the way he speaks to me, he tries so hard to keep his mouth closed but he just can’t help himself” Robyn is really the person here annoying me, she pushes my buttons.

Monica is so silent, so is Robyn and I “I told you to protect my daughter, to not let anyone take advantage of her” this is not good, I mean it is her daughter “and you do care for her dignity, Robyn any man would be angry at something you disobeyed when spoken on it. Both of you can talk without shouting, shouting get us all nowhere. People start to shut off and their backs up against the wall about things, so it turns out to be a shouting match, we don’t need that. All I see is disagreement that could have been ended before you left this house Robyn, and also Chris you need to step back. Words can be hurtful, you only want to hurt someone because they hurt you and he feels hurt because you didn’t listen” Monica is pointing at both of us “Robyn knows I have PTSD, she knows we argued and I nearly died, I was so worried. Yes she was calling her family, but I didn’t hear her voice, she knows this, and she did it. So yeah I feel pretty disrespected about this, this whole thing stemmed from Ronald and I shouldn’t let him really get to me, people always show their true colours” rubbing my face, this is exhausting “Robyn” Monica said “I hate my life, I am just trying to make everyone happy, and I get shit for it. I really wish I wasn’t here, and you’re right Chris I am in no fit state to be pregnant because I am a drunk mess” Robyn got up from the couch and ran off, so to say I was going to leave today, I guess not.

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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no-gays-in-russia · 3 years ago

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Someone Has To Die: Review

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicide, murder, homophobia.

SPOILER ALERT: major spoilers for all three episodes of Someone Has To Die.

Introduction: Someone Has To Die (”Alguien Tiene Que Morir”) is a Spanish/Mexican miniseries of three 50 minutes long episodes set in the 50s which follows the story of Gabino, a young man who has just come back to Spain after living in Mexico with his mother’s family for 10 years. With him he brings his friend Lazaro, a Mexican ballet dancer. Soon, rumours start spreading that Lazaro and Gabino are in a relationship, fueled by Lazaro’s profession (everyone believes that a male ballet dancer must necessarily be gay) and by the intimacy between the two of them. However, Lazaro is straight and actually attracted to Gabino’s mom, Mina (spoiler: it’s mutual), while Gabino is in fact gay and has feelings of romantic nature towards Lazaro, despite them not being reciprocated. Although they are fake, those rumours keep growing, with the help of Cayetana, the girl that Gabino is supposed to marry and sister of Alonso. Alonso is an old friend of Gabino and it’s made clear throughout the show that before the latter left for Mexico something of homoerotic nature happened between the two of them, although it is never specified exactly what; long story short, Gabino is the only one to know that Alonso is also gay and let me tell you, homeboy has a shit ton of internalised homophobia. When the rumours reach their maximum height, Mina tries to help Lazaro and Gabino run away to Paris, but Gabino’s father, who works at a prison, finds out and, advised by his mother, gets Gabino arrested, while Lazaro is able to escape. Mina and Lazaro are then found having sex in the woods and that’s when chaos ensues- Gabino’s father wants to kill Mina and Lazaro, he tells Gabino to do so, Gabino refuses and points his shotgun at his father, his father points his gun at Gabino, then Alonso kills Gabino’s father, Gabino’s grandma kills Alonso and then Lazaro and finally Gabino kills his grandma. And that’s how the show ends. Another important element of the plot is that, while everyone believes Gabino’s grandpa died in a hunting accident, he was actually murdered by Gabino’s grandma, and young Gabino witnessed it (this is a big part of the reason why he was sent to Mexico shortly after); there’s also a subplot involving the family’s maid, quite significant because it leads to Gabino’s dad finding out the truth about his father’s death, but I don’t want to go into too much detail so I’ll stop here.

General opinion: after watching the masterpiece that is Young Royals (I will make a post on it soon), this struck me as a pretty average show; not bad, but not exceptional either (there are some great elements, but they are an exception). The acting is realistic but stiff, the characters are mostly unidimensional and sometimes unlikeable when they shouldn’t be, and the ending sort of leaves you thinking: what’s the point? The show as a whole is not meaningless at all (quite thoughtful and sensible at times, actually), but that’s what the ending feels like- everybody’s dead, now what? What does that mean? How was that significant to the plot? I liked Alonso killing Gabino’s father, because it shows that after all he cared for Gabino and was willing to help him, and I also liked Gabino killing his grandma, showing his strength and proving everyone who described him as fragile wrong, but I feel like Alonso and/or Lazaro should have been kept alive.

The characters: now, the characters are the most important thing in a tv show for me; if everything’s good but I hate the characters I cannot keep watching it, if everything’s horrible but I hate the characters I will keep watching it. The fact that I got through the entire show proves that they are not terrible, but I didn’t love them either. I will now analyse all of the main characters one by one, starting from Gabino. About Gabino, I noticed a discrepancy between the way he is described by other characters and the way he appears through his own actions and words. The adjectives that are most used to describe Gabino in the show are “dreamer” and “fragile”. Now, I’m not saying Gabino is not a dreamer, but since the other characters stress this aspect so much I would have expected his behaviour and words to demonstrate that much more than they actually did. And speaking of fragile, to me Gabino seemed the absolute opposite- I actually perceived him as an incredibly strong character. Throughout the entirety of the show he went through Hell so many times (got rejected by the man he loves, got beat up by Alonso, got put into jail by his own father, witnessed half of his family and closest friends dying in front of him) and he never gave up. He always responded with strength, murdering his grandma, not committing suicide when Alonso advised him to. However, this discrepancy might be caused by the fact that it had been 10 years since any of the other characters had last seen Gabino (although if I’m not mistaken Lazaro too describes him as a dreamer), so they might describe what they remember him as without realizing how much he’s changed throughout the years. But I still felt like in his case the show did too much telling and not enough showing. But now, let’s move onto the other character involved in the rumours: Lazaro. With Lazaro, I have a different issue: I felt as though he was supposed to be a likeable character, but I ended up really disliking him. At first we see him as a bit naive, a very good friend to Gabino, extremely passionate about dancing, a dreamer more so than Gabino (he repeatedly voices his fantasies about visiting Paris and getting to dance at the Opèra); but in the end, he proves himself as being selfish and unfaithful, as he literally has sex with Mina while Gabino is in prison. Your best friend has just been arrested and your first thought is to fuck his mom? And let’s not forget that Lazaro knew that Gabino loved him, so he knew this would hurt him even more. And when Cayetana pretends to offer to him to leave for Paris with her, he agrees- again, proving how little he cares about Gabino being in prison. He has some very good moments as well, including one of my two favourite scenes in the show, but my overall opinion on him is not positive. Now let’s talk about the three characters that we were actually supposed to perceive as negative: Cayetana, Gabino’s grandma Ampara and Gabino’s dad Gregorio. Cayetana’s sole personality trait is that of being evil- there doesn’t even seem to be a motivation behind her actions, she just does it because she is an a-hole. That’s pretty much the same with Ampara, with the small exception that she justifies her actions by saying it’s all for her family (hard to say whether she actually believes her own words or not). But in the end, both characters fail at being fascinating, meaningful villains: they’re plain and unidimensional. The case is a bit different for Gregorio: he’s overall a despicable character, but further traits are added so that he is not just a plain villain- he is a bad person, and that makes a big difference. In particular, I love that they make him a conflicted character, portraying the contrast between the pain he causes Gabino and the pain he himself feels realising how much he’s hurting his son. However, in my opinion, the best, most interesting and most lovable characters in the show are Alonso and Mina. Alonso may be interpreted as a negative character himself, but he sort of redeems himself towards the end. He does some very good things (killing Gregorio to protect Gabino, Mina and Lazaro), some very bad things (kidnapping Gabino and Lazaro, hurting Lazaro’s leg, beating Gabino almost to death) and some things that weren’t exactly good but which he did with good intentions (repeatedly advising Gabino to leave Spain forever, bringing him a gun while he’s in prison and advising him to kill himself). I think the only mistake they did was making him hurt Gabino and Lazaro in such a way, because they wanted him to be a redeemable and likeable character but honestly that was almost unforgivable. But at the same time I can see that Alonso’s violence on Gabino was the result of him taking his feelings towards Gabino (probably some feelings of romantic nature and jealousy towards his supposed relationship with Lazaro) and transforming them into something that he felt to be more acceptable and more manageable, and on top of that it was the manifestation of his disgust, fear, anger, frustration for his own homosexuality. All in all, Alonso is a very complex and conflicted character, sometimes submissive and others extremely corageous, good and bad, selfless and selfish. But if perfection was almost reached with Alonso, we move even closer to the perfect character with Mina- I want to slap her and hug her at the same time, and that’s what I love. Even more than Alonso, she is an incredibly complex character. I think she’s the main character more so than Gabino- so many interesting clues about her personality and her personal history are continously thrown around and you just want to know more and more about her. From her clearly feeling inadequate and different because she’s Mexican and leaving in Spain to her love story with Lazaro (who is Mexican like her- something to note), to the contrast between her desire to help others and her fragility which often makes it impossible, Mina is a well explored, multi-dimentional, lovable and despicable character.

My favourite scenes: finally, I want to discuss two scenes that I thought to be absolutely brilliant (if the entire show had been like those two scenes I would have considered it a masterpiece). The first takes place when Gabino and Lazaro are back home after Alonso’s attack; Lazaro is mending Gabino’s wounds, when the latter stops him and tells him he’s sorry for getting him involved. Lazaro replies he’s not done anything wrong, but Gabino states: <<I love you, and that’s the problem.>> Lazaro says: <<I love you too.>> and Gabino: <<But not in the same way.>> And that’s when Lazaro says the most beautiful line in the show: <<But I love you still, and that could never be wrong.>> That line equates platonic and romantic love, stating that despite them being two different kinds of love they are still exactly the same thing: love. So just like no one would ever say Lazaro is wrong for loving Gabino platonically, at the same time Lazaro states that no one could ever say Gabino is wrong for loving him romantically, because that’s exactly the same thing: love. And love is never wrong. The second scene takes place after Mina and Lazaro have been found together in the woods close to the club and Gregorio gets Gabino out of prison to take him there with him. Gabino is alone in his father’s car, Alonso sees him and goes to sit in the car with him. Alonso tells Gabino about how terrible he feels having to lie every day about who he really is, and then asks him to describe what it is like having sex with a man. Gabino tries to resist, but after Alonso begs him he gives in and recounts the first time he had sex with a man. Alonso is profoundly moved by his story and visibly tries to contain his emotions, but he fails, as tears start streaming down his face; then, once Gabino is done talking, he grabs the gun he’d given him in prison and tries to shoot himself. Gabino is able to stop him and Alonso breaks down crying, hugging Gabino while the latter promises him that they’re always going to be there for one another. Such a touching moment.

#gay #tvshow #netflix #review #i love gay shit #give me the gay shit

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