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galaxymagick · 4 years ago

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200913 @leo_jungtw instalive

he said hii with a kinda husky voice aaa and asking if we're doing well

"what are you guys doing these days? im doing well without hurting anywhere? (to a fan) eh you shouldnt push away ur studies (just to watch me)"

okay so he did house chores after he woke up and drank coffee, studied and composed a bit

he went to hyogi's house yesterday night but it was not that long then he went to his home and he said they didnt take selcas T.T

during march/april, he moved to another house(?) and doing some remodelling and said it was hard haha that he doesnt want to do it again in the future

okay he is reading japanese comments

omg he once reached 70kg but since it was hard to exercise and bcs he is currently controlling what he eats so he is now 68 kg T.T

a fan said that he was skinny during mydol but he said that his weight during that time was 68 kg omg

he said he didnt have any thought to lose weight so he will try to reach the weight that is easy to maintain(?) and can be reduced when he wants

fan: you will look good in any shape

leo: haha i can just laugh at this..haha..

omg he didnt shave that much these days

"you should do much more than you think in order to lose weight"

okay he is not dieting he is just maintaining his health so he eats rice during lunch and eats salad for dinner

"hahaha of course my hair is black now"

okay so he said you guys dont have to diet because of me just because im doing it..

so fans are asking him to show(i didnt catch it but i think his face?) for just a minute but he knows that we will share it among the fans so yeah..ahaha

he is playing a some part of his composed song aaa thank youu boi

he is using lots of genre in his music these days

haha he is putting effort to lay down on bed before 11 or 12 am okay so it's about his bedtime guys

he cant read fanletters now since the policy in his current company doesnt allow it

he and hyuk had about one to two glass of wine yesterday while talking about lots of thing..

"i wONT SAVE THIS LIVE"

oh he talked about the food truck support that marie antonoutte cast including him sent to minhyun for his drama and he said they always put short message such us "hwang minhyun hwaiting" lolololol

fan: why dont you show us your face

leo: noo it is just nothing.. i might show my face someday, who knows right?

"okayy we will see again in the next three weeks" then a fan asked "are you busy" and he really laugh cutely while saying "no im not busy haha"

fan: it's hard to prepare for work

leo: true especially during corona there will be not much oppurtunity but i do believe that you will do well

i wONT SAVE THIS LIVE AND I WONT UPLOAD SELCA AFTER THIS

are you resting well? (in english)

"yesss" (in english)

"minyul is currently at the age of puberty( like he is going to a mature phase) and he is not an ordinary kid, he really talks well and he will go to elementary school in 1 years and 6 months..im so shocked"

fan: nice to meet you leo

leo: wdym im about to sleep now

leo and his behavior calling minyul baby and minyul will be like "no pls call me kid now, my little sister is a baby now"

"so another week is starting tomorrow and i hope you guys will be spending it well, im thankful that we can meet like this and lets meet each other on a good day soon"

"eat well, dont go to crowded place, wear your mask, wash your hand, lets go for a long time, good night"

okay guys remember this okay!!

trans cr: @jaehwansfacts

ㅇㅅㅇ : Today I woke up then take a bath then drink coffee then clean my house then doing laundry then do this and that.. oh! I had English class today!

ㅇㅅㅇ: I came down after weighing 70kg! now I'm about 68kg..

ㅇㅅㅇ : (during doing laundry) I dont turn on the dryer because the scent of the fabric softener won't come. I tried about 5 fabric softeners but it doesn't fit so I just dry my laundry naturally.

ㅇㅅㅇ : (VIXX) Fan manager contacted me today saying that I said I'm trying to do live (instagram) twice a month but 3 weeks have passed, she even told me the exact date. So I said "alright..." (then do the live)

ㅇㅅㅇ : I'm working on many genres (writing and making song) these days. Leo-like song is great but Im trying to make non Leo-like song too!

ㅇㅅㅇ : Yesterday I went to Hyogi's house. We didnt take a selca. I made a scene and came back home..

ㅇㅅㅇ : We drink 1~2 glasses of wine and talk about this and that a lot..

ㅇㅅㅇ : Since jelpi is also having WFH (work from home), I havent read the fanletter since 3 weeks ago (till now). But I've received and read the letter I got before 3 weeks ago. Since its WFH I cant go to jelpi (to received the fanletter)

ㅇㅅㅇ: Minyool is going thru puberty. He is not an ordinary brat. He will be annoyed if someone called him "baby" he wants to be called "kid" Rolling on the floor laughing then I said to him "let's see when u understand the meaning of allowance money in two years, u will only come to find me.."

ㅇㅅㅇ: Today will be end soon. Just like what you said Im trying to do this Live till 11pm. It was a great time, and I'll see you soon, so don't be sad. Let's meet on a good day! Cheer up for another week! eat well and don't go to crowded places, make sure to wear a mask! Wash your hands well! Bye! Sleep well! Let's stay together for a long time, see you for a long time.

trans cr: @wantshik

taekwoon: anything is better than growing a mustache?

also taekwoon: i haven't been shaving these days

taekwoon: when i gain weight, i work out and go on a diet, you have to do more than what you can think of then you'll lose weight, if you don't you can't lose it

taekwoon: i don't eat salads for all three meals, i eat rice in the day and eat salad for dinner

taekwoon: "taekwoon ah you've lost weight" it's bc you haven't seen me recently~

taekwoon reading a comment: "what am i if i'm not on a diet"

taekwoon just played a piano melody from something he's working on ; _____ ; he said he's been working on many different genres, those that are leo-like and those that aren't

taekwoon said he's been reading all the fan letters recently~

taekwoon: i drank one, two? two glasses of wine with hyuk and we talked a lot

taekwoon said that 손준호님 bought him his washing machine djknsgkjk he was like "you joined (my live) to hear this right!!!" literally when he first realized he came in taekwoon was like ah why did you join !!! and someone commented that they just heard hyog's tone

taekwoon: "are you resting well enough?" yes~!

taekwoon refuses to save his live and he's like , even if i don't save my live some of yall will so don't worry lmao

taekwoon: (laughs) i'm going off, what's "it's nice to see you leo-nim"? lol

taekwoon: minyool isn't just an ordinary kid he talks really well and it surprised me

dksjngkdjgndk he says minyool gets annoyed when you call him a baby now bc he wants to be called a kid !!!! also when he's being a brat taekwoon's like just wait till two years later when you understand the concept of allowance and you'll come finding me LMAO

some of the songs he played during the live🎶

🎶 a safe place to land - sara bareilles ft. john legend 🎶 shiny - sara bareilles 🎶 norman fucking rockwell - lana del rey 🎶 happiness is a butterfly - lana del rey

trans cr: @liaxiovi

#vixx #taekwoon #leo #200913 #*leo_jungtw #*instalive #*v:p #🖤#i think thats everything i could find..#><;;;;#he's an idiot #also i still have so many bricks waiting for him #I MISSED PART OFF HOOWWW.. added it #to the top #*jtwinstalive

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bloopbyoop · 4 years ago

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weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!!

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe.

x :D

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hoeiplier · 5 years ago

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Okay so- this is kinda specific so I’m sorry, and you don’t have to do it lol, but like- one of the egos has been hypnotized, and there’s these swirls and colors in their eyes, and another ego comes across them and tries to use them but ends up getting hypnotized THEMSELVES by those colors and stuff, idk jdjxjx

this is a ,,,,,cute idea uwu also sorry its unedited and shit skjdnfkjsfnkgj havent written in ages ~mod ghostie

///

“It worked! I...I mean, of course it worked!” Henrik laughs breathlessly. Pulling the pocket watch away. A small sense of pride and arousal mixing inside him as he watched his fellow dotor, Edward, blink slowly at him. His eyelids lowered, his raven black hair helping to conceal his dreamy look. The lights of Henrik’s office not helping his far-away gaze in his eyes.

“See, I told you I could do it, mein liebling,” Henrik kisses his cheek, the arousal soon overtaking his accomplished pride. He’d done it. He finally done it, living out their fantasies. Making Edward into the perfect mindless doll he’s always talked about during their most intimate times. It was breathtaking. It was exhilarating. It was...it was exciting in more ways then one.

“Edward, shh, keep your head down,” Henrik commands, still kissing along his cheek and jaw, smirking as he heard the other moan gently. The command of staying turned on and sensitive during his hypnosis finally kicking in.

“Do you want to make me happy, Edward?” Henrik asks, his voice low yet soft. Commanding with a neutering tone.

“Y...Yes, wanna...wanna make Master happy...” Edward slurs. His mind blank, filled with nothing but thoughts of pleasure. Different ideas swirling in his mind -- riding Henrik in his office chair, being bent over his desk and fucked nice and deep, feeling Henrik’s facial hair scratch against his cheeks as he eats him out -- different ideas he wanted to try over and over.

Henrik smirks. Knowing he’s in control of the prettiest mindless doll he could ask for. Standing above Edward, pulling his scrubs and briefs down to allow his half hard cock to throb in front of Edward’s lustful dreamy gaze. His hand losing itself in Edward’s soft locks of hair, a gentle yet firm hold on him, never questioning who’s in charge now.

“Very good, come show Master how you’ll make him happy, mein liebling...”

///

“Oh fuck,” Henrik hisses, arousal pumping through his body, barely being able to stand still for long, leaning against his desk to gain some sense of stability. Eyes closed tightly as Edward forces Henrik’s hard cock deep down his throat. His soft pink lips wrapped tightly around the very base, making the sweetest noises as he willingly chokes on his Master’s length.

“Edward, fuck! Fuck, you feel so good around me, such a good boy, such a good boy for Master--!” Henrik can barely keep his own groans of pleasure in. In ecstasy as Edward continued to keep his cock deep in his throat. His tongue wrapped around the underside of his cock, choking quietly as drool trails down his chin.

“Pull off of me, Edward, just...fuck, use your hand. Be a good boy and use your hand.”

Like a switch, Edward slowly pulls of Henrik’s throbbing cock, a trail of pre cum connecting his lips to the head. Edward’s mind hazy, save for the loyal obedience to his Master and arousal. His own cock throbbing tightly in his scrubs, but he won’t dare touch himself. His pleasure didn’t matter, all he could care for is his Master’s commands.

He moans as Henrik moves the hair away from his eyes. Revealing his half lidded gaze, “speak, Edward, tell Master what’s going through that empty head of yours.”

Another switch, Edward arching his back up, his soft hand wrapped around Henrik’s cock. Stroking it at a slow measured pace. Looking straight into Henrik’s own baby blues as he smiles softly.

“Wanna...make Master feel good...and good...and good, want...want to be Master’s doll forever, want to be a nice warm place for Master’s cock to be buried in...”

Edward continues staring up into Henrik’s eyes. Focusing on nothing but those baby blues, his speech slurring more as he falls deeper into his trance, his hand quickening as he twists. His own cock begging for any attention.

Yet -- Henrik can’t look away. The soft swirls of Edward’s eyes, blues and whites seeming to call him in. His mind on cloud 9, his own breathing slowed as Edward continues to work his cock. Mouth hanging open, the slightest bit of drool escaping the corner of his lip.

He can’t resist it. The soft swriling of blues and whites, Edward’s intense dreamy gaze sent his way, the intense arousal washing over him like fire. It was too much, losing himself as he feels his free will slowly give way.

“Am I good...good boy, Master? Does it feel...good when...when I jerk you off...?”

“S-So...So good, wanna make...make mein liebling...feel better...what...” He slurs. His cock throbbing as he moves away from Edward’s hold, the other doctor whining pathetically as he tries to follow. Henrik dropping to his knees on the soft carpet, letting his oversensitive cock leak more pre cum onto his scrubs as he stares into those swirls in Edward’s gaze.

“What do...you want? What should...I do? Tell...me...”

Edward huffs, “anything, want...want Master to do as he pleases...”

It’s the vaguest command Henrik can register before throwing himself over Edward. Pulling his scrub bottoms down, the same desperate lust in his eyes as Edward lays against the floor.

///

Edward bucks up into Henrik’s mouth, the tight wet heat of his mouth nearly too much for his ignored hard cock. Mouth open wide, the half lidded gaze never leaving as he looks up to stare at Henrik.

Watching him slowly go down on his cock, cheeks hallowed, tongue teasing the head, nearly hitting the back of his throat.

“Master! Maser, thank you!” is all Edward can get out, his hips bucking back up, hearing Henrik choke and moan. His own swirls of green and white having little effect on Edward. The two doctors seemingly under each other’s trances, focusing on one another more and more, the hypnosis much too strong to fend off on their own.

That is, until Henrik’s office door opens. A certain mute ego stepping in, hoping to ask for his pocket watch back from his good friend.

A heavy blush rushing to Jameson’s cheeks, what had happened?! How, and who?!

Edward looks up, just as Henrik does. Their hypnotized gaze not bothering Jameson in the slightest as they crawl off each other, on their knees in front of the other in mere moments. The sight arousing but...but who did this to them?! Now was not the time to indulge in seeing his...well, quite handsome, friends be so indecent and lewd!

‘Good Heavens! What the hell happened to you two?!’ Jameson tries to sign, squeaking as the two work to undo his belt and zipper.

“Master, Master...u-use us,” Edward begs, Henrik already mouthing at Jameson’s slowly hardening cock.

“Wanna make...make you feel good...bitte, Jameson...B-Bitte...”

#softer doctor #ze good doctah #vintage lad

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thespiritofeon · 5 years ago

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I'm not opposed to All Might and Endeavor. But I want backstory! Were they high school crushes? Did they have a drunken fling? Did they go on a blind date? Did they lose a bet and ended up as roommates for something and then decided maybe the other wasn't as bad as they thought? The possibilities are endless and I want to know your version of the backstory!

ive Needed to write this for ages because i have been on my endeavormight bullshit for proabably as long as ive been in terested in bnha but!!! i get sidetracked VERY easily so this entire thing just sits in the back of my skull with everything else i havent had time to write

anyway

thank you for asking

i will now Get Into It. this is a WHOLE THING, ANON DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU OPENED

stay tuned BUDS (under read more lol)

endeavor and all might were in school together

endeavor comes from a family who prioritizes good quirks and being the best and he barely gets like 4 hours of sleep a night due to studying and training (and of course, what rich family DOESNT force their kid to learn an instrument) and practicing double bass because if hes not The Best his father will,,, lets say.... persuade him to raise his grades and do better

so when he first meets mister “everything will work itself out in its own way” thumbs up and smiles who OH SO EFFORTLESSLY STAYS AT THE TOP OF THE CLASS NO MATTER WHAT ENJI DOES

enji lichrally hates toshinori with his entire being

when toshinori tries to befriend enji, enji throws hands and tries to beat his ass

my boy gran torino taught them the true meaning of training til their bodies wouldnt work no more because they got in trouble for fighting

that was the first time enji saw toshinori’s smile drop (though he did his best to keep it up as much and as long as he could)

anyway enji doesnt do more than snarl when toshinori decides that they started being best friends from there on out and eats lunch with him

and then toshinori starts inviting enji to his house to do homework together

you do NOT understand how much it took for enji to convince his father he was going to a classmates house to work on schoolwork and not to dick around

toshinori is so fucking TOUCHY but actually enji has learned he doesn’t mind as much as he first did and having toshinori’s weight leaning against him as he cut through his work - both the work assigned to him by UA and by his private tutor - was nice actually

toshinori is the first one to initiate a kiss, because Yagi Toshinori is under the impression they have been dating for months and thinks that Enji is shy and needs Yagi to initiate because hes SUCH A GOOD BOY

anyway

he gets a black eye for doing that and enji runs away and avoids him for the next week

toshinori apologizes and asks enji not to break up with him and enji is ????? so confused??? please explain you stupid smiley dumbass

there is a lot of internal debate over the situation but enji reasons with himself that as long as they keep their... perversions to Yagi’s room, it’d be fine.

and they do, and it is

for the most part

but toshinori wants to let the world know his boyfriend is so smart and so cool and also hes irate because enji’s parents betrothed him to a girl from another well off family and enji refuses to say anything to stop it and enji is like,,, thats just how it is

and one weekend yagi comes over to enji’s house and enji is panicked becasue his dad is home and hes supposed to be in the middle of training and his dad is going to be SO PISSED so he HAS to get rid of yagi

EXCEPT yagi came to tell enji’s dad that he was in love with his son and he would have to deal with that and enji is like OH HELL NO

and does the only thing he can think of

he breaks toshinori’s heart

literally stomps it as hard as he can into the dirt and makes sure yagi would never think he actually has feelings for him (even though he does)

enji tells toshinori he was just a way to pass the time and destress from his chaotic life and that he never wanted to come clean with yagi because he didnt actually have feelings for him and that he always intended to marry rei because he wants a family and he isnt a fucking FAIRY like yagi is

and laughs in his face at the tears and the stricken expression on yagi’s face

so,,, yeah thats why theyre enemies in the hero world

BUT

ill have you know,,, there is happy ending,,, because im a sucker for happy ending....

enji confronts toshinori after the all for one fight and hes ready to KILL that dumbass becaue DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS TOSHI and all might is beyond taken aback and hes like um,,, why would u care about me,,,, now ur number one like you always wanted to be

and enji doesnt have a nice response to that so he just gnashes his teeth and walks away

but when ENJI almost DIES and does the ALL MIGHT HAND

BRO

yagi comes to his hospital room after the crowds and press are gone and hes like,,, smirking and hes like...... i knew u cared abt me

and enji, ever the asshole, is like... who cares abt u

but hes emotionally compromised and he really wants toshinori to take his hand but hes also an asshole and those words he said to toshi have been running through his mind for the last 30 years and he cant forgive himself

and then toshinori sits on the edge of enji’s bed and leans down to kiss him and enji lets out ONE very masculine, very MANLY tear and he just wants to pull toshinori down again and REALLY kiss him

but toshinori stops him and looks him dead in the eye and that smile isnt there any more and he tells him straight up that he refuses to go back in the closet

bro the inner turmoil of 30 smth off years of internal home of phobia but he really loves toshinori and he wants to kiss him and he wants to hold him and protecc him and he lets out a heavy, shaky sigh and hes like... can i take baby steps

and on god toshinori gives him ONe MONth to come out to his family (he still willing to kiss the man because who wouldnt be) and after he comes out to his family they can go from there

but of course enji has to be THE BEST and the most DRAMATIC way possible

so that week he comes out as GAY on national television for ALL OF JAPAN to see and toshinori is just facepalming in UA teacher lounge but hes also smiling because wow hes in love with the biggest idiot in all of japan,, wow

#wow #such words #so headcanon #endeavormight #headcanons #hcs #relationships #bnha #ask to tag?#nonnie love #ask

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prettyboyporter · 5 years ago

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Comment tag game!

Share (excerpts from) 5 of your favorite comments you got on your fics (etc) this year and tag some friends!

I was tagged on this ages ago by @klayr-de-gall , @kingsandsaints , and @thelittlestgremlin and never got around to doing this, and it took me so long because I knew it would be VERY HARD for me to pick only 5 comments that mean a lot to me. As content creators know, comments are AMAZING GIFTS given by readers when they want to publicly state what they liked about a fic and seriously make creators feel validated and like what they do is worthwhile. It’s FUEL and I love every single comment I’ve received. So, in no particular order, here are MORE THAN FIVE. I literally could not narrow it down to five:

From @missroserose on Slippery When Wet:

I'm sure a bunch of people have commented on this bit already, but I don't even care. It's amazing. It killed me. I'm dead and it's all because you're amazing. <3

Ambrosia was referring to a Billy’s first kiss with Steve, a moment I’d described using extended sound/musical metaphors, and I really appreciated that she’d copy/pasted that bit to outline as a favorite as it was a part I was particularly proud of writing.

From @lynn76 on Slippery When Wet:

This is so great- it reads like a dream come true, like I could see it happening like a movie. I wish I could be a director and make a movie of it. Love, love it! I'm gonna comment again with favorite lines AFTER I sleep! Thank you again, for all your hard work, Tracy.

To know that the person for whom I’d written the fic really enjoyed it means everything.

From Manniface on ao3 on Boldly Go:

I love all of this and want 4 seasons if a TV show.

I WANT FOUR SEASONS OF A TV SHOW OF MY OWN FIC TOO LMAO. A harringroe Trek AU was a goddamn BLAST to write.

From @ihni on Rivers Til I Reach You:

"You are a son to all of us now" - this is where I got tears in my eyes, although I didn't let them fall until Max and Lucas and Dustin decorated his apartment and hugged him, and he let himself be loved. Ugh, that broke me a little. Christmas, and people doing nice things for each other, and someone who didn't think he'd ever have these things, having these things... I am weak, so weak, for those things.

And his scars. Him reading them all wrong, and Steve infusing them with love and adoration with every kiss. Maaan, I love scars. Because they're proof that you lived through something horrible but survived; got through it. And Billy did that. He got through the horrible thing, and now he's being rewarded with all the things he could never have dreamt about: love, a town full of people who wants him to do well, and people to help and support him.

Ihni really hit the nail on the head with what I wanted readers to take away from this fic: a town full of people who wanted to help and support Billy as well as Steve, who wants to infuse all of his love into Billy, into his scars.

From @uncle-keery on Take Me with U:

GUESS WHOOOS BACCKKKK

LOL so that was uncle-keery’s .. 4th?? comment on the fic. She truly took the “leave a comment since you can’t leave another kudos” rule of thumb to heart haha. I love that.

From Anon on ao3 on Take Me with U:

So this has to be one of my favourite fics ever. This line "So for the first time, Billy allowed himself to be touched, in this secluded part of the beach with rustling grass and warm sun and Steve’s long fingers." TRULY got me like nothing else. Their tenderness here with each other and like the camaraderie and just EVERYTHING. ALL OF IT. <333

From @sarahstarkiller on Take Me with U:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SOFT BOYS BEING SOFT; CAN MY HEART HANDLE IT? BARELY. Honestly though, Tracy, WOW. Well done. So beautiful. I myself *felt* the sun and the sand on Billy’s shoulder and I could smell the smoke in Steve’s hair. GOD, the part about Steve calling Billy’s birthmark his?? I am deceased. That is so sweet and I’m so glad his birthmark is finally getting the recognition it deserves!! May I also note: “Steve kissed him.” So simple, so effective, and yet my heart flew out of my chest. I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE YOU. WOW.

I was so, SO happy to give a reader specific details to walk away with. That means a lot, and Sarah picking out those details meant I’d done a good job.

From Panoraia on ao3 on Take Me with U:

It made me feel things i havent felt in a looong fucking time. Like literal butterflies. I thought i was too old for that shit. But naah. My hands were shaking in a train on the way to work. Thanks for that. Also fuck you. But mostly thank you. For writing and sharing and all that. My day is much better now.

I love it when people say where they were when they read it and their reaction in that moment. Plus the “fuck you. But mostly thank you.” had me rolling laughing, lol. I adore this comment.

From @flippyspoon on Boldly Go:

I'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T THINK TO MUCH ABOUT TNG AND BETAZOIDS TO REMEMBER 'IMZADI' (I read the book 'Imzadi' back in the day even lol). BECAUSE WHAT A GUT PUNCH. HE CALLED STEVE IMZADI I'M DEAD DEEEEEAAD. WHY CAN'T THIS BE A REAL SHOW THAT I CAN WATCH OR READ FOR LIKE 300K WORDS LOL.

To have another Trek fan comment about how much they loved the fic and want like MORE fic or even a show is a top compliment lol but like it was a SPECIAL moment for me to work the word imzadi into the fic, and I’m SO glad it was meaningful for flippy, too.

From @granpappy-winchester -- an excerot of her comment on Boldly Go:

I know literally nothing about any of the Star Trek things except they involve space and there are aliens and like, DUDE, I love how accessible your story is!! You made it very easy to follow along for someone who is super unfamiliar with any of this universe. AND I LOVE that Billy is an empath! It fits him so well and it adds this bit of mystery to him too because he can read Steve's emotions so well but there's always going to be a 'WHY does he feel this way??' question tacked on which has the possibility of being very conflicting for the two of them (and then you have Steve who doesn't have that ability to read Billy's emotions but at the same time it seems like he CAN, like he knows Billy so well it doesnt matter if he's an empath or not, he KNOWS Billy). AND OMG. Billy standing up for Steve to his dad. Like. Goddamn so sweet.

This is but a sample of the kind of comment that granpappy-winchester (LazyBaker on ao3) leaves on fics. Sara’s comments ALWAYS describe how the fic makes he feel, points out specific details and lines, and more than anything -- they make you feel VALUED as a writer. Getting a comment from Sara is one of the greatest things you could ask for as a writer.

I’m gonna tag some writers and also artists, and if you’d like to recognize some of your fav comments, please feel free to do so! @wrecked-fuse @granpappy-winchester @sparkleeye @kyrosh @gothyringwald @dobetterbillyhargrove @wingedbears @cherry-toxic @sarahstarkiller @ihni

#commenting #tag game #long post #sorry this is so long ugh i couldn't like cut it down after i'd already made it lol

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catfishandthebottlefan · 6 years ago

Text

#11 - Heathrow

A/N - So I’ve been gone for a few days, because I’ve been writing this long fic! It’s over 5,000 words (sorry😂) I’m super proud of this one though, and I’m sure you’ll love it :) Enjoy reading it, and, if you enjoyed it, please leave a note for me so I know what to write more of or less of! ~ A x

Van had always loved you. Well, it was the first thing he’d said to you when you were in pre-school - despite Van being a few months older than you, at your primary school they mixed the first two classes - and you’d given him your cookie cutter to help him make his sculpture out of play-dough. Through primary school, you’d stayed friends, before drifting apart gradually in secondary school as you began to see him less and less. Everyday chats turned weekly, and you only saw each other when it was organised by your parents, such as at family barbecues or special birthdays. You never forgot about each other, however, and you’d often smile as a surprise “how r u, havent spoke in ages xx” would flash up on your phone when Van was away.

You were 16 when you had to call Van for the first time in a couple of weeks. You were stranded at Heathrow Airport after a terrorist incident, when someone attempted to detonate a bomb in Manchester. Your flight back from Spain (where your family were on holiday - you had to return early to be home in time for GCSE results day) had been diverted to Heathrow.

“Van,” you pleaded, tears falling down your face, “Where are you?”

“Hey, you ok? I’m at home, sleeping like every other sane person on the planet. Why?”

“It’s ok, don’t worry-” you choked back a sob.

“Y/N, Y/N, hey, why are you upset?” the concern in Van’s voice shone through, “Where are you?”

“I’m stranded at Heathrow, someone set off a bomb somewhere, I’m ok, I just don’t have enough money for a taxi home or a hotel room and I, I don’t know what to do-”

You heard a jingle of keys in the background. “Van, it’s too far, it’ll take you 4 hours to drive-”

“I’m not in a rush, are you?” Van replied, jokingly, as you heard the slam of a car door.

“Van, you don’t have to do this, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning-” you choked, as you sat, shivering on a bench outside Heathrow Airport.

“Hang tight, love, I’m coming to pick you up.” Van replied, reassuring you, “It’ll be okay.”

He hung the phone up, and you held it close to your chest, disappearing inside your hoodie. You didn’t know how to feel - happy you were being rescued, or guilty you’d had to ask Van to come pick you up. You didn’t have a lot of choice as none of your other friends could drive yet, but you still allowed a few tears to fall down your face as you thought of Van’s kindness.

It turned out there was no need to feel guilty. At 7:30am, you spotted the white Transit van come round the corner, The Streets blaring from the stereo. Van was, of course, in the driver’s seat, however, you were surprised to spot Larry sleeping in the seat closest to the passenger door. You leapt up off of the bench, wheeling your suitcase over to the van. Van jumped out of the driver’s side and wrapped you in his arms. He threw your suitcase into the back, which was filled with guitars, amps and other music equipment, and hustled you quickly into the middle seat of the van.

“Y/N?” Larry muttered groggily, as you wriggled past him into your seat.

“Thank you guys so much.” you smiled, pulling your knees closer to your chest under your hoodie.

“No need, I know you’d have done the same.” Van placed his left hand on your knee, “You’re freezing, babe!”

“I’m okay,” you smiled, leaning into Larry, “Thank you guys so much.”

“It’s fine!” Van replied, cheerily. Then, more sincerely, he told you, “I’m here, whenever you need me.”

Van gently put his hand on your thigh as he pulled out of the drop-off bay, and you felt a slight shiver travel up your spine. You told yourself not to be ridiculous, he was just a friend. As Van drove you home, you began to fall more and more in love with him - it was like you’d never been apart for all those weeks when life had come between your relationship. No, not a relationship, you told yourself. It was just a friendship.

Little did you know, he was telling himself the same thing.

You hadn’t heard from Van for after that summer. Stemming from him driving you home that August morning, you had begun to meet up more and more. You would sit in the park together for days on end, then, at night, you would get smoke joints in the playground and get drunk by the duck pond. This led to blurred, yet fond memories of Van pushing Larry into the pond, and drunk Bob, who was always a laugh. Yet, once you started sixth form, you studied hard for your A-levels, and life began to push you and Van apart again. He left to tour with the band, who were still relatively unsuccessful, but you always admired his optimism. You kept in contact via calls and texts, always just as friends, but you slowly drifted further and further apart, just like the space between calls. You got into Oxford, to do a degree in Astrophysics, while Van was still living at home, or was on the road with the band, living off a pasty and a joint a day. Your parents - who had now divorced - expected you to have forgotten about him, and your uni mates knew nothing about him, but you still longed for his company, and would sit up late at night, contemplating calling him. Once again, little did you know, he was doing the same thing.

You were twenty-one when your professor broke the news that you were one of the few students he believed was capable of giving a talk to thousands of younger aspiring scientists as part of a education programme.

“Like a TED talk, only for teenagers.” he had told you.

You were eager to take part, until you realised the large scale of the project. You had to speak for half an hour, non-stop, about the same subject you were writing about in your dissertation - yours being a division of Nuclear and Particle Space Physics. Worst of all, it was situated in a theatre in the west end of London - as if you didn’t need to feel even more inferior. You had six months to prepare your speech and background slides, and you threw yourself into it.

The project became a welcome distraction from your life at the moment, as, that December, your mother was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. You didn’t tell anybody, not even your housemates, instead filling your emptiness inside with uni work, taking on every project or extra credit assignment you could. Your grades prospered, and you quickly became a straight-A student in every assessment. You somehow managed to balance this with the gut-wrenching visits home every weekend, to see your mum. Everyone admired your tenacity and effort with your work, and some people even became jealous of your success, yet they didn’t know the emotional turmoil going on inside your head, as your mother became sicker and sicker.

What you failed to consider was how quickly news spread in Llandudno, and, only minutes after you were told your mum was in the hospice, your phone lit up with a call from Van. You declined the call at first, as you got in your car, ready to make your final 3 and a half hour drive to Llandudno. Once your mother passed away, you had no further plans of returning. There was nothing left for you there.

But, then again, there was Van.

As his call lit up your screen once more, you connected your phone to your car’s Bluetooth system, and answered the phone.

“Y/N!” Van’s voice boomed through your speakers.

Quickly, you turned the volume down, forgetting how loudly you had The National playing on your last journey back to Oxford from seeing your mum. You had taken to turning it up as loudly as you could on your way back from visiting, to drown out your sobs.

“Y/N,” Van almost whispered, “I had no idea, I’m, I’m so sorry-“

“Van.” you said, his name almost croaky in your throat as you say it for the first time in years, “It’s not your fault.” “I should have called earlier, I just, I don’t know, I just didn’t want to think about ya. I’ve been missing you.”

You pulled over into a lay-by. If you were going to have an emotional conversation, you did not want to risk crashing the car over it.

“Van,” you mumbled, “I’ve missed you too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, I just-“ his voice trailed off, “I want to see you.”

You sniff, holding back tears, “Well today might be your lucky day. I’m two hours away.”

“Hardly very lucky though, what with your mum-“ he checked himself, “I wish this wasn’t, I don’t know, I wish the circumstance wasn’t as bad.”

“That’s just life, innit.” you sniffed, trying to force yourself to smile, “How’s things with you?”

You started your car again as Van began to tell you about Catfish, and how they’re on the cusp of getting a deal, and how well they’re getting on.

“People know us, Y/N, it’s mad. They say stuff to us like, put that one on the album, or don’t bother with that one, it’s shit. It’s mental.”

You spoke to Van for most of the drive, until you got to Wrexham.

“My phone’s dying, love, I need to go,” he said, sadly, “Where can I meet you? Mine?”

“What do you mean?” you replied, “You’re home?”

“I am now I know you need me.”

You spent two days by your mother’s bedside as she slowly passed away. You had been preparing for this for months, but there was one eventuality that you hadn’t prepared for, and that was a new kind of relationship with Van.

After your mum passed on, you had every intention of returning to Oxford, but Mary and Bernie insisted upon you staying at the B&B. You lived there for two months after obtaining special permission from uni, and you spent nearly every waking hour with Van. It soon became every sleeping hour as well, because it would be nighttime when the grief would suffocate you. Van held you in his arms, and it felt as if he was gently squeezing the broken parts of your heart back together. In the daytime and evenings, you would follow Van around to gigs, and you realised he was right about Catfish - they really were becoming popular, and the band who once played covers in bars were now getting their own following, and recognition for the songs Van spent countless hours writing in his bedroom.

You didn’t know initially, but you became his muse. One day, Van went out to rehearse at Benji’s, and you stayed home, catching up on some lectures you’d asked your friends to video for you. However, after two hours studying, your mind began to wander, and your eyes were drawn to a leather-bound notebook on Van’s dresser. Against your better judgement, you opened the book, to find some half-finished lyrics and songs which Van hadn’t played to you yet. This was unusual; he’d played nearly every song he’d written to you in the time you’d been staying with him. You read the unfinished lyrics carefully.

“Love her from the get-go/pick her up from Heathrow/whenever she needs me” - was this about that time when you were 16 and he drove for hours to come and get you?

“I wanna make it my business, I wanna make you my problem” - was this about how you had told him not to worry about you, and you’d deal with your grief yourself?

You engrossed yourself in the fragments of songs written in the notebook. You knew some, such as Cocoon - which Van had played to you before - were about ex-girlfriends. However, it was the ones you hadn’t heard before which intrigued you the most - a couple of songs called ASA and Collide. You only twigged his romantic feelings for you after you turned the page to see your name written with love hearts around it, paired with doodles of what looked like you. Stood next to doodles of him. Your name and his, written in a heart, then crossed out, then rewritten another ten times.

Your heart plummeted, and then did somersaults. Did Van feel the same way as you did? You traced his handwriting of your name with your index finger, engrossed in the way his pen must’ve danced across the page, broadcasting his thoughts to the outside world. Well, not the outside world, as this notebook was Van’s. Private. You sighed, feeling guilty, and snapped the book shut.

As you turned around to gently place the notebook back where you found it, you noticed a figure out of the corner of your eye. Oh, shit. It was Van.

“Oh my God, Van,” you stuttered, “I’m so sorry, I knew it was private, I shouldn’t have looked, I-“

“Y/N,” Van replied, calmly, “It’s okay. I don’t mind. I promise.”

“Is it true?” you asked, quietly, “The things you write in here, are they true?”

“Depends what things you’re talking about.”

“Love her from the get-go? Pick her up from Heathrow?” you questioned, “Are they about me?”

Van blushed bright red, and took a step towards you.

“It’s true.” he confirmed.

You wasted no time in wrapping your arms around his waist, and he pulled your head into his chest. You inhaled deeply - Van always smelled nice.

“I love you too.” you mumbled into his jumper.

He responded simply by stroking the top of your head.

The next few weeks were spent exchanging stolen glances, and secret kisses when nobody was looking. Cuddling him a little closer in bed. A cheeky hand up your top when you lay together. Your hand on his thigh when driving around to gigs.

It wasn’t long before people started noticing, however. Larry was one of the first to twig, when he caught you and Van sharing the same cigarette on the balcony, snuggled under Van’s jacket together as the typically Welsh rain bounced off the pavements. Obviously, he told Benji, Bob, and Billy, and the news then spread like wildfire around the town, despite Van’s quiet threats of “chucking you in that fucking pond again, you little prick”. Van’s parents claimed to have known since you moved in, however you suspected it was old Mrs Perry next door who told them.

You liked being Van’s girl. He would get oddly protective of you, not letting you walk alone at night, making sure you had a jacket if it was raining. He would look you in the eye every once in a while at gigs, and wink at you. Whenever you were feeling down about your mum, he’d hold you in his arms and the world would seem to be a less cold and cruel place. He loved when you wore certain outfits, and he would let you wear his favourite jeans and hoodies that he didn’t even let Larry borrow. He’d learn the guitar chords of your favourite songs, just so he could play them to you.

He was the perfect boyfriend, and you dreaded having to go back to uni and leave him.

“So where even is Oxford Uni?” Van asked, getting into the passenger side of your car, “Somewhere down south?”

“Yes, Van, it’s in Oxfordshire. Above London, but below Birmingham.” you repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time.

He reached over to kiss the tear which raced down your cheek as you pulled out of his parents’ driveway. You glanced in your rear-view mirror to see Mary and Bernie waving enthusiastically, looking as proud as your own mother did when you drove off to Oxford for the first time.

“They’re just happy because they can say I went to Oxford.” he chuckled, in an attempt to cheer you up. You didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry, baby.” he said, tenderly, “We’ll be okay. I love you.”

“I know, I just feel, I don’t know-“ you sniffed, trying to suppress the lump in your throat, “I feel guilty for taking you away from everything like this.”

“C’mon, Y/N, we talked about this,” Van sighed, “I’m only staying until after your speech thingy, and if I don’t like it, I can go back, and I’ll visit you every weekend and all that jazz. Stop stressing, please, babe.”

You simply nodded your head as you pulled out onto the main road. Van fiddled with the stereo.

“This is a lot newer than the one in my van,” he said, his tongue poking out in concentration, “How do you get the radio?”

You pressed a few buttons on the steering wheel, shaking your head. “You won’t get a signal. Here, try a CD.”

Van put in your Arctic Monkeys Whatever People Say I Am That's What I’m Not CD.

“Still think our demos are better.” he quipped, as The View from the Afternoon began to play.

“You’re gonna struggle being away from the band for all this time.” you sighed, sadly.

“I’ve got me guitar and notebook!” he replied, cheerily enough, “What more could I need?”

“Uh, your bassist, lead guitar and drummer?” you joked back to him.

As you drove back through North Powys, Van fell asleep, and you felt a warm sensation in your heart. Although your world as you knew it had crumbled in the past few months, you had Van. He was all you needed.

You were right about Oxford - Van hated it. He hated being away from the band, he hated the lack of underage drinking and antisocial behaviour, he hated the accent. But he loved you, and that was what made him stay. He slept in your bed in halls, much to the disgust of your flatmates, who made it clear that they didn’t consider him good enough for you.

“I mean, him?” Natalie said, her nose wrinkling, “What does he do?”

“What’s his haircut all about?” Molly jeered.

You tried your best to persuade them to be on Van’s side. “I told you, he’s in a band! They’re really good as well! And I love his hair!”

Although they never said anything to his face, Van knew your roommates didn’t like him. He had unspeakable nicknames for them as well, and he’d loudly use them on the phone to Larry every evening. Despite him claiming he was happy here, as long as you were together, you knew he missed being on the road with the band. University life was too structured for Van, too organised. The only part he liked was the student parties which would happen every Friday night, but he even wasn’t the same when drunk, without his buddies. There was no hilarious banter, no casual arson, no recreational drug use. Well, there was weed, but you knew Van and the boys liked something a bit stronger on some of those heavier nights.

However, partying aside, the most important part was the fact that you were prepared for your speech, which took place two weeks after you and Van moved back to Oxford. He sat right at the front of the theatre, looking somewhat out of place next to the clean-cut parents, professors, and other downright nerds that had come along to support the speakers. Despite his clear misplacement amongst the scholars, Van was the best supporter in the whole theatre, and he cheered the loudest for you after your speech, which went perfectly, due to all the hard work and preparation you’d put in. You didn’t bother telling him that it wasn’t a football match or a concert, and it really didn’t matter how loudly you clapped, as you were so grateful for his support.

Van also made an effort with your friends, telling them how good their speeches were. Sophie and Julian quickly made friends with Van after he tried his best to express an interest in their joint speech on Advanced Quantum Mechanics. They seemed slightly surprised that he was in a band.

“So, what do you do?” asked Julian, politely.

“Me? I’m the lead singer of a class band,” he replied, happy someone was finally striking up a conversation with him, “We’re right on the cusp of getting signed, me and me mates can’t believe it, we’ve grafted so long for it.”

“You’re in a band! That’s so cool!” Sophie smiled, “So is that like, your uni hobby? What degree are you doing?”

“Degree?” Van laughed, “I got kicked out of school at 15! I’m in the band, like, that’s me job!”

“Oh, wow!” Julian smiled, “Like Noel Gallagher?”

“Nah, I’m like a shit version of Mike Skinner,” he chuckled, “We’re called Catfish and the Bottlemen. You should check us out, we’re more popular up North than down here though.”

Your friends nodded enthusiastically, and you and Van turned around to head back to halls.

He sighed. “Y/N, I do really miss the band.”

Your heart sunk. You knew Van wouldn’t last long in Oxford, but you didn’t quite want to believe he wasn’t happy here. You loved being with him all the time, but also being at uni. Part of you wanted to ignore the fact he wasn’t happy, and keep him here until your degree was finished, however, you knew that would be like keeping an eagle inside a cage. Van was the type of person to get cabin fever; he liked to be on the road all the time, waking up in a different place every day. He needed to spread his wings and fly - he hated the normality and routine of uni.

“Stay till the holidays?” you pleaded, as you walked back to the flat.

“When’s that?” Van replied, deep in thought.

“Middle of June, just another month? Please, Van?” you almost begged.

“I’ll try my best, it’s just, the band need me and I miss Larry and I hate this tiny flat and doing the same thing every day and the people and-“

“Van, just stop.” you sighed, exasperated, “Before you say something you regret.”

You entered the flat with an atmosphere between you that could be cut with a knife. You headed to bed, and you heard Van going into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. You tried to snuggle under the duvet, but you could never sleep without him by your side, so you lay awake, staring at the ceiling. You knew when you came back that Van would have to go home, but you desperately didn’t want him to.

About 5 minutes later, you saw Van coming into the bedroom, and quickly closed your eyes, pretending to be asleep. You sensed him taking off his jeans and shirt, and the bed moved under his weight as he got in beside you. Usually, when he wrapped his arms around your waist, you would wriggle closer to him, but, tonight you rolled over and faced the other way. You heard him sigh, and although your heart was breaking and you longed to be held, your anger and sadness at the fact he was leaving meant that you couldn’t bring yourself to be close to him.

You slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning, having nightmares about Van breaking up with you because you didn’t allow him to go home and do what he loved. The guilt ate you up inside, and you found yourself snuggled into his chest by 3am. He stroked your back and kissed the top of your head, whispering to you that he’d stay if you needed him to. However, you told him he needed to go back - he needed to be happy. You remember falling asleep with tears running down your cheeks and into Van’s chest.

The next morning, you woke up to Van sat at the end of your bed, strumming a few chords on the guitar.

“What’re you playing?” you croaked, pulling yourself up.

“Just sorting out the rhythm for one of the new songs.” he replied softy, not looking up from the guitar.

“Van, I was thinking-“

“Yeah?”

“I’m thinking you should go back today.” you said, seriously, “I’ll help you pack your things, and I’ll drive you home this afternoon.”

Van set the guitar down on the carpet, and paused for a moment. “I don’t want you driving me home, love, you’ve got your finals in a few weeks and I don’t want you missing out on study time.”

“I don’t mind, Van, I really don’t-“

“Y/N,” he took your hand, “I love you so much, but, please, I can get the fucking train, okay?”

You nodded, as he disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a cup of tea in your favourite mug. You smiled as he kissed your forehead.

“I’m gonna miss you so much, okay, but I’ll phone you every night, I promise.” he told you.

“Every night, even when you’re playing gigs and touring, like a rockstar?” You meant for this to sound jokey, but it came out as bitter and resentful.

“Y/N, I said I promised, okay?” Van snapped.

You placed the tea down on your bedside table and started taking Van’s clothes out of your wardrobe and putting them in his suitcase.

“Y/N, it doesn’t have to be like this-“

“Like what? We always said you would leave after my speech, it’s the next day, so it’s time for you to go back.”

“I meant, you know, between us,” he continued, his voice getting louder, “I’m not breaking up with you! I’m just going back home, where I belong. I don’t fit in here, not one bit!”

“I know, I know.” you said, softly, “I’m sorry, I know you have to go, I’m being selfish. It’s like when you find a mouse as a kid and you keep it in a box under your bed and your mum tries to tell you to put it back outside, because it’s an animal and it needs to be free, but you don’t want to because you quite liked its company and-“

“Shh,” Van stroked your back as you choked back the tears, “After finals, you can come up and live with us for the summer, you’ll graduate, you can get a job, we’ll get a flat, it’ll be fine.”

“A little cottage by the sea?” you sniffed.

“If that’s what you want,” he replied, “I’ll always be on the end of the phone, whenever you need me.”

Van left, and, after you waved until the whole train had disappeared from your sight, you got in your car, turned up The National, and sobbed as hard as you did when your mum passed away. A month passed, during which you called Van every morning and evening, and texted him throughout the day, whenever you weren’t studying. You did manage to get through finals, after having worked your socks off.

Van had informed you on the phone that he’d been touring with Catfish, and they were getting so close to being signed. They had been called a few times by various record labels and were starting to get big, playing proper gigs of their own. You were ecstatic for him, albeit jealous that you were stuck studying while he was on the road. Your mind cast back to fond memories of being 16, driving around with no real destination, although Van assured you that touring at age 21 was very different.

Finally, the 18th of June arrived, and you packed your bags into your car and followed many of the cars, mostly driven by parents, out of Oxford and began your journey back up to Llandudno. You had been stopped at traffic lights for about thirty seconds when you noticed something shiny on your dashboard. It was a CD, and you instantly recognised Van’s scrawled handwriting on the front of the disc.

Listen to this and think of me, Van xxx

You smiled as you put the disc into your car’s stereo, and ASA - a song Van would play to you on many evenings when you were studying - started playing through the speakers. What made it extra special was the fact that he’d written it about you.

The four hours and eighteen minutes it took to get to Abbey House B&B were the longest of your life. You cursed every red light and traffic jam, and drove at the speed limit wherever you could. You just wanted to be in Van’s arms.

You didn’t even bother to park your car straight in the B&B’s carpark, just dumping it between two spaces. You grabbed the flowers you’d brought for Mary and the beers for Bernie, and inhaled sharply, bracing yourself for seeing Van. Your heart both fluttered and pounded at the same time as you marched towards the front door, your black Vans (you hadn’t put them on because they were Van’s namesake - they were your favourite shoes to drive in) pounding the tarmac. No sooner had you rung the bell than you were enveloped in Van’s arms - he lifted you up and held you close into his chest. The second he put you down, he kissed your lips passionately.

“Van, stop, you’re crushing the stuff-“ you giggled, between kisses.

“Where’s my present?” he complained, childishly.

You pointed to your handbag.

“Later.” you whispered, and he grinned. That would shut him up for a while.

“Y/N, love, it’s so good to see you!” Mary greeted you enthusiastically from behind Van in the doorway.

You handed her the flowers and her face lit up, as she handed them to Bernie to put in a vase. She hugged you almost as tightly as Van, and you breathed in the soft scent of her washing powder. Bernie greeted you with a firm handshake and a smile, and you handed him the beers, much to his approval. Van and his family felt like home.

Many hugs were exchanged that evening - between you and Van, you and Mary, you and Bernie, or Van and his parents. You initially sat having a beer with Van while his parents attended to the guests, however they later joined you for a glass of wine and a catch-up.

Mary and Bernie went up to bed at about half ten, so you and Van made the kitchen your zone, where you set up some music from your phone. You put your favourite Spotify playlist on shuffle as Van backed you up against a cabinet and kissed you with an undying passion. His hand up your top, your hand around his waist, lost in the moment. That was until Lemonworld by The National began to play. You went to hit skip, as this song reminded you of coming home from visiting your mum, and then all the feelings hit at once. What were you doing back in Llandudno, the town in which your mother died, drinking, snogging your childhood best friend, having fun? You shouldn’t be here.

You pulled away from the kiss.

“What’s up, baby?” Van whispered huskily.

“I can’t, this song-“

“Shhh.” he put a finger to your lips, and pulled you up so you were stood upright. He tipped your head up with his index finger, so you were looking him in the eye.

“Can I have this dance?” he asked, sincerely.

You nodded, as you followed his step around the large kitchen, being careful not to knock over any utensils or ornaments, in order not to wake the guests. The dance ended with sloppy kisses down your neck, and a heart full of love rather than sadness.

At around midnight, the lads joined you, Larry, of course, bringing the weed. He was accompanied by Benji and Bob.

“Where’s Billy?” you asked, concerned.

“Oh, he left the band for ‘personal reasons’ a few weeks back,” Van said between taking drags of the joint, “I didn’t tell you because I thought he was talking shite, but he’s gone.”

“Oh.” you replied, quite shocked.

“But we’re getting a new guitarist!” Benji announced.

“His name’s John and he’s a Geordie,” Bob told you, “A class guitarist, and a great lad, according to me cousin that is.”

You nodded in approval, as you settled into Van’s lap. As you smoked and drank, you felt yourself and Van rising higher and higher within your own, untouchable bubble. This was what you’d been waiting for all these months.

You don’t quite remember the boys going home, but they must have, as you and Van woke up in his bed in a quiet house. You went downstairs to read a note left by Mary.

Gone to IKEA with Dad for some new furniture for room 3, back at about 4pm xxx

“Looks like we’ve got the house to ourselves for a couple of hours, McCann.” you called, seductively.

“Sounds good,” Van appeared behind you wearing nothing but his jeans, “But there’s something I have to show you first.”

You followed him back into the bedroom, and climbed back into the warm bed. Van sat on the end of the bed, and picked up the acoustic guitar which often laid strewn on his bedroom floor.

“This song’s called Heathrow.”

He strummed the guitar gently a few times before singing the first lyric.

Love her from the get-go

Pick her up from Heathrow

Whenever she needs me

Watch her on the West End

Pepper up her best friends

Whenever she needs me

She was a different league

When I was nothing much

Meet her when the tour's up

Hug her like her Mother would

Whenever she needs me

Snog her in the kitchen

Dance with her to Lemonworld

Whenever she needs me

She was a different league

When I was nothing much

You found yourself in tears by the end of the song. You threw your arms around Van’s shoulders, and kissed his bare neck.

“You like it?” he asked.

“I love it. And you.”

#Catfish and the Bottlemen #catb #VanFiction #vanfic #van mccann #fanfiction #fanfic #band fic

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sarinataylor · 6 years ago

Note

Idk if u still taking hcs right now but could you possibly elaborate on that good omens joger au you mentioned a while back? Im curious and excited to hear more

i am always taking hcs (this is a shout out to the anon who sent me an angsty roger prompt like two months ago: ilu and i am so sorry. i have ideas! something will appear eventually! i just gotta get this chapter of my…. actual fic out. i promise i havent forgotten u bb)

ok! so i had to like. scroll waaaaaay back to find what i’d said lmao but there’s basically two ways this goes right? book!au or show!au

show!au

roger is crowley and john is aziraphale

roger, who didn’t mean to fall! he just asked questions! that’s all!!! but then, that’s all it took back in the day…. and who most definitely has a vintage bentley that hasn’t aged a day (despite blowing up, like clockwork, at the 6th hour of the 6th day of the 6th month, every sodding year), who swans about in sunglasses no matter the day or time

and john who’s always been a little bit of a bastard, when it comes to it, but who likes his home comforts and really, really just doesn’t want to get involved if he can help it (but oh, he doesn’t mind being tempted)

roger has never been able to decide whether or not he regrets falling, really. sometimes he rages against himself, against God, against the unfairness of it all. he rages at the stacked deck, and at his own stupidity in questioning Their Mother. but sometimes the darkness feels like a freedom that was worth sacrificing his grace in payment to. sometimes, when he’s faking reports back to hell (who haven’t bothered him in several hundred years other than to send him commendations for the terror humans inflict upon one another) so that john isn’t spirited away back to the gilded (prison) gates of heaven…. sometimes it feels like freedom, and he wants to laugh in God’s face for, yes, he missed the embrace of Home sometimes, the celestial harmonies of his brothers and sisters which had their match in the damned screams below; sometimes he missed the feel of his grace warming the gap in his chest where a human would have a heart, but if he had that he wouldn’t have this. he wouldn’t have the delights of the humans who had the burden, the joy, of choice in thanks to him. he wouldn’t have the warmth of john’s grace that had once rubbed him raw as they stood upon the ruins of eden, but now set him alight in all the best ways that no poet could ever hope to describe.

(it is the year 4703 AD, the humans are growing and learning and improving at every turn, as they do. “you once said you didn’t mean to fall,” john says thoughtfully, watching him pensively over the rim of his cup of tea. the ritz still stands, as it always will if roger has anything to say about it. it says something important, he thinks, that a miracle is a miracle whether the entity performing it is of heaven or of hell. “and?” roger replies, picking at the slice of cake john had ordered for him. an indulgent smile had lurked about the corners of his mouth as he had done so, as it often did when he looked at roger. it was chocolate and strawberry, but it tasted of apples. everything tasted of apples to roger, and everything always would.“i was thinking,” john said, blowing across the surface of his cup as if it would ever be anything but the perfect temperature when he sat across from roger. if roger had the ability, nothing would ever be anything less than perfect for john. but then, that kind of thinking had the trappings of heaven around it. no, a little imperfection was much better. “that it must have been ineffable.”“oh, sa-, go-, someone have mercy,” roger huffed, shoving his plate away from him with a clatter. around him the servers paused in their movements. a clatter was not meant to sound in the ritz, a place reserved only for the small tinkle of champagne glasses clinking in a toast or teaspoons on saucers. “not this shit again.”“it must have been!” john insisted, and chucked his teaspoon across the table at him. “i still think about it, you know. the apocalypse that wasn’t.”roger still thought of it too. he was waiting for the next one. sometimes he thought john was, also. but sometimes he thought that john was wishing for the best instead. “and i was thinking that the Almighty…. well, she knows all, yes?”“that is sort of her whole thing, yes, John.”“well then! she knew you had to fall! to be on the other side, to be a spy in the ranks, so to speak.”“i’m a demon, john,” roger said, reaching for calm. it was hard, so hard, to hear john, after all these years together, still trying to justify their relat– friendship. to wave away his occultism as if it were merely a guise for some hidden angelicism that lay below the surface. roger was a demon, this he knew. he may not know whether he was happy about this state of affairs, a much as he were capable of such an emotion nowadays anyway, but he knew what he was. “yes, but–”“there’s no but, john,” roger snapped, and around them the servers, the patrons, all the annoying, bumbling humans stood and left at his wish. john, looking around them, sighed and gave him a disappointed look. roger fought the urge to bring them all back. “fuck all of that shit about not meaning to fall. fuck that. i knew what i was doing when i did it. i chose to fall because i wanted to know the answers to my questions and She wasn’t giving them. i was willing to fall for the answers to my questions, and i did. i wont give Her the credit for my choices when she’s done fuck all, all these years.”he had been expecting shock, maybe. perhaps hurt, at the harshness of his vitriol towards their Mother. john smiled at him, instead.“very good,” he murmured, taking a sip of his tea. “another coffee, old friend?”)

and john???? john feels so very guilty all of the time. how can he not? roger, his oldest and dearest friend, is so tormented by Questions. questions which he fell to have answered and yet have merely multiplied as his change of circumstances have allowed him, in some degree, the burden and joy of choice. roger fell to have his questions answered, and john steals the answers he desires and is allowed, by the grace of Mother, to remain part of the heavenly host. where is the fairness of that?

(john owns a bookshop. he owns a bookshop and he hoards the answers of every question he’s ever thought to ask in its four walls. he hoards the answers of every question he’s ever thought to ask and they sit on his tongue, heavy and waiting to be spilled into roger’s waiting mouth if only he would ever ask but he never does. roger never asks, and john never tells. roger never asks for to asks would be to tempt too far, and john never tells for to tell would be to admit to knowing that which he should not, that which he has not suffered to know)

sometimes john thinks of falling. he thinks of falling and he thinks of being caught and he hates himself for his cowardice

(roger would rip hell asunder before he allowed them to sully his angel)

#lo talks #joger hc's #headcanon asks #Anonymous #good omens #long post

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shikastemari · 6 years ago

Text

spy - n. u.

pairing naruto uzumaki x yamanaka!reader

request

word count 4,895

when it happens after Pain destroyed the Village

warnings THE ANGSTIEST SHIT I’VE WRITTEN IN MY LIFE

a/n this is actually one of the first stories i’ve ever thought about. i wrote it months ago but just now i decided to give it a chance and post it and yeah, i gor a little carried away while writing it.

btw i’m witnessing the biggest writer’s block i’ve been through and that’s why i haven’t posted anything lately. hopefully it’ll be gone soon enough and i’ll be back to write as easily as i used to.

masterlist on my profile bio

Naruto Uzumaki.

The first time you heard his name was in one of your missions. You were spying some old guy who was owing bad people money, and you had heard Naruto's story by accident. The guy who defeated the leader of the Akatsuki all by himself, even someone as the legendary Sannin Jiraiya couldn't. During the time, you have heard a lot of girls sigh in desire for the boy, as also heard a lot of man being inspired by him - to become even stronger than people said he was.

So, when you finished your mission, it was no surprise for you someone decided to hire you to dig some dirty on Naruto. You have never accepted a mission on Konoha before, keeping your boundaries up since you know your uncle and his family still lived there, and you would never do anything to hurt your blood. But the offer was too good to decline.

Last time you have seen your uncle and cousin, you were six. Your mother was a foreign and her pregnancy had so many complications. The day you were born, she made a promise, she would take you back to her country, to become a ninja there. Your father, the brother of the Yamanaka clan leader, was madly in love with her and never said a single no at her direction. When the time came, not only he didn't fight against your mother taking you away, as he decided to leave the village himself. Uncle Inoichi helped him, knowing it was the only thing he could do to help his brother achieve happiness, but in the process, your father ended up being labeled as a rogue ninja.

The Bamboo Village was a nice place to live, and your parents were always happy there, even though you missed your old life and family deeply. You had a cousin, who also had the same age as you, so you two had grown up together and she was basically a sister to you. Leaving her behind was the hardest thing you wish you had encountered in your life, but it wasn't.

Your mother died a year after you moved country. Her disease was unknown, the doctors said they couldn't do anything but to ease her pain until the time comes. That was what you and your father did. Took care of her, stood by her side, until she was gone. To these days, you still missed her deeply. As honoring your mother wishes, you and your father didn't go back to Konoha after her death. Instead, your father taught you everything he could about the family jutsus, and it made your heart melt every time he told you how good you could become. Maybe better than him. Or even Uncle Inoichi.

He passed away five years after that, on a battle against the Land of Lightning. Even though you wanted to stay in Bamboo Village, you knew you wouldn't survive there. So that when you started to use your jutsus in espionage. You went city from city, village from village, country from country, learning from the best. The requests came right after. In your line of work, you kept your name hidden. You didn't want to drag the Yamanaka name to the mud, or even give something to your enemy to use as an advantage against you, wishing you could always keep your reminiscent family safe.

So, when your feet took you back to Konoha's, you couldn't help but feel sick. Regret and worry filled your whole body, since you counted with your family accepting you with open arms, but you knew it was a shot in the dark. Since Pain's attack which destroyed the entire village, you didn't exactly know where the Yamanaka clan was staying, so you followed your plan and walked around the village, asking if someone knew where Ino Yamanaka was.

It didn't take long, actually. Apparently, she was a recognized and respected kunoichi and you couldn't stop feeling a little jealous. What would they think about me if I have stayed? The thought flooding your head as you walked towards the place a girl told you Ino would be.

She was sitting on a pile of wood, with seven ninjas surrounding her. They were laughing and talking about how stupid what someone named Rock Lee have done to an old lady. When your eyes laid on her, you felt your heart skipping a beat. She looked exactly like before, the only thing which was different was her hair, it was so long.

A guy with the Byakugan was the first to notice you, which didn't actually surprise you at all. You have heard about what those eyes could do. Looking around them, you could see there was also a girl who could use it. This group look like they would be a pain in your ass if you didn't pay close attention at them.

"Can we help you?" A pink haired girl asked, and your eyes widened for a second. That was Sakura? No way.

As your eyes passed through their faces, you started to recognize some of them. Shikamaru was standing next to Ino, with Choji by his side. You also recognized Kiba, who you remember having an innocent crush on, because of Akamaru, which was huge now. Your heart was literally shrinking inside you by that view, already pondering the pros and cons about ignoring the mission you had been given. But you could not give up now, there was too much involved.

"Staring is creepy, have your family never taught you that?" Ino questioned, her eyes narrowed at you.

You shook your head, smiling. "You would know, Ino-nee-chan, still a bitch, I see?"

Ino's eyes popped up as she gasped, taking her hands to cover her mouth. Everyone else were just shocked by the way you talked to her, but you were sure she recognized you. Once she got up from the wood she was sitting and ran in your direction, giving you one hell of a tight hug, you felt your body relax for the first time in a long time.

"Nee-chan!" she said between the tears, it took every strength in your body not to do the same. It was still a mission, the hardest one you have been to, but still a mission. "I thought I would never see you again!"

"Wait, is that y/n-chan?" Kiba asked out loud. "Holy shit, you got hot!"

Ino and you laughed as Sakura punched the poor guy, sending him meters away from where he originally was standing. So, Sakura had a monstrous strength, just like you heard Tsunade-sama having.

"Daddy will be so happy when he sees you! Where is y/f/n-ojisan? I've missed him so bad too!" she exclaimed.

You swallowed hard, knowing too well there was no way to dodge this moment. "Mhm," you shifted your weight from one leg to the other. "My dad died when I was 12, during a battle."

"Oh," she said, the air getting heavier around you. "And why you haven't contacted us after that, y/n-nee-chan?" she asked, her tone clearly hurt. "We could have helped you."

Another question you predicted. "I tried to honor my mother's wish for as long as I could but..." you trailed off, breathing deeply to keep going. "I just wanted to be with my family again."

She hugged you again, crying her eyes out. Shikamaru came closer and pushed the girl from you.

"Ino, what a drag, let her breathe for a second," Shikamaru eyed you, from head to toe. You remember him being very - very - smart when you were kids. His eyes stopped on your lips, and you noticed his cheek blushing. Pressing your lips together to repress a smile, you couldn't push away the memory of you accidentally kissing him while playing one of Ino's idiot games. It was your first kiss, and probably his too. "Eh, welcome back, y/n-chan," he scratched the back of his head.

"Thank you, Shikamaru-kun," you grinned back at him as you were wrapped in someone's arms.

"Y/N-CHAN, YOU WERE DEEPLY MISSED!" Choji screamed as he hugged you, a little stronger than you wish, the air escaping from your lungs.

"Choji, I can't breat-" you said, but it seemed more like a whisper. Happily, he understood and let you go, being embarrassed.

"Sorry, I jus-" you caught him off guard wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. He smiled, hugging you back, but this time, not as strong as before.

"Ino-Shika-Cho," you said, looking at the three of them once Choji put you on the ground. "I certainly missed this formation."

"So, who is this girl?" A blond guy said from behind them. His blue eyes were locked on yours and you could see a little bit of distrust there.

"This is y/n, Naruto, Ino's cousin," Sakura answered, walking towards you to embrace you. "Getting on Ino's nerves were never the same after you left."

"Well, we did know how to do it, right?" you smiled at her, but your eyes were still locked on Naruto's. There was your target, right in front of you. You kept talking and catching up with your old friends, as well getting to know the others you didn't. The boy with the Byakugan was called Neji, and the girl Hinata. Apparently, they were cousins. There was also Rock Lee, Tenten and Shino - who you slightly remember running away from when you were little because of his insects.

Ino grabbed your hand, saying you two had to go. The first part of your plan was going good so far, but you couldn't stop feeling like shit the whole time. You knew you had to shake those feelings away, or you wouldn't be able to see your uncle Inoichi. He surely wouldn't trust you at first, and would search for something suspicious as talking. Your father always said he was by far the best Yamanaka shinobi that ever existed.

Well, you were about to prove him wrong.

As expected, Inoichi didn't recognized you. Once Ino said who you were, his eyes almost popped out from his face in shook, it was a good thing for you, strong emotions were used to prejudice the jutsu. He asked you a million questions, and you were honest in all of them, because you were sure he would enter in your head soon or later. Even that he seemed happy to see you, you could see he was holding himself back to ask you to see inside your head, and not because of you, but because of Ino.

So, once she was asleep on her bedroom, you went to find him on the kitchen. You knew he would be expecting the right moment to tell you, and what moment was better than late at night?

"Go ahead," you told him.

He pressed his palm gently against your head as he began to scour your mind. You made sure the first images he was going to see was you playing with Ino as children, you leaving the village with your parents. He also saw your mom dying, how miserable your dad was but his strength and love for you keeping him on track, your trainings - but not all of them -, the days he mentioned and talked about Inoichi and Ino, the times he wanted to give up everything to come back to them but he couldn't because he wanted to honor your mother memories.

Inoichi's jutsu on your head were getting more and more weak, you could literally feel it. Even though he was a master to find others people secret, he could still be manipulated to see what you wanted him to see. You knew all it would take was one more scene and he would be done with it.

So, you showed the day your dad put on his fighting clothes, saying he would be back soon enough and went to the war. You showed him the endless hours expecting for him to come home, as you stood there alone in the dark. The times you heard a noise outside and thought it was him but it was wind or some rotten bamboo which fell on the roof, and then, the time you decided to look for him, going straight to the war field. You showed him as you found your father's body in the middle of the others endless bodies there. How you cried over him, tried what you knew about medic ninjutsu - which it was so little. You literally showed Inoichi how your heart broke that day and he couldn't take it, breaking the jutsu so he could wipe away his own tears.

You remembered something you father told you long time ago.

"Inoichi is the best in searching for information in someone's head," he said during one practice. "But growing up with a brother like that, I had to find out some tricks so I could keep some things as secret from him. I didn't want my brother to know everything about my life."

And just like that you knew, Inoichi could be the best at searching for information, but your father was the best at hiding it. Your life goal was to become even better than your father, and you completely manage to do it.

After that day, Inoichi never tried to get inside your head again, you knew it was too painful for him. So, he took you under his wing, taking care of you just like he used to when you were little. Every day was getting harder to separate your feelings from the mission, as you trained with them, eat with them and everything else. Inoichi even wanted you to become a Konoha's ninja, and he was going to ask the Hokage - who apparently was in a coma - if it was possible.

"So, I heard you are making a huge success in the Village," Ino said one day, after practice. "Naruto and Kiba are fighting to see who is going to ask you out. Today I even caught Shikamaru staring at you a little too long, which by the way, it's kind of shocking. I have seen him showing interest in one girl in my life, and if I am correct, which I am, she really likes him. So, you should stay away from him a bit."

You laughed at her. "Naruto, huh?" you asked, happy because your mission would be easier than you thought. Going out with him would help you to extract information from him without being suspicious.

"So, he is a favorite. I will make sure to tell him that," Ino said, confusing your happiness like you actually wanted to go out with Naruto because you liked him. "He is so popular with girls now, it's kind of weird. Actually, the fact he wants to go out with you is weird too, because he used to like Sakura a lot."

You were grateful you had someone as chatty as Ino as your cousin. She herself had given you tons of infos, in Naruto and the rest of their friends. She was also making everything easier for you, but every time you thought about leaving after finishing your mission, your heart broke into two. She would never forgive you after finding out what you were about to do.

The hang out with Ino's friends were a good part of your day, because it was the only part of the day you let yourself to be the teenager you were supposed to be.

This time, you all went to eat barbecue. During the whole night, you guys laughed and told stories about life, trainings and missions. Stories were by far your favorite things to hear, and those guys have tons of them. But your favorite one by far was when Naruto defeated Nagato - the real Pain. Even you, after a short time, could see how big Naruto's heart was.

At the end of the evening, everyone said goodbye. When Ino said she had to do something with Choji, things got a little suspicious.

"But Naruto will walk you until my house, right, Naruto?" Ino asked him, directly.

"But your house is really far..." He trailed off as Sakura elbowed him, realization hitting him right away.

"I suppose I could go wit-" Kiba got interrupted by a screaming Naruto.

"No way, dattebayo! I will do it, I need to lose all the calories I got from this barbecue anyway. Y/n-chan, do you mind?" His smile was genuine, and you couldn't help but to smile back.

"Not at all, Naruto. I would really appreciate it," you answered in return, making his smile even bigger - if it was possible.

It didn’t take much until you realized Naruto was someone easy to be around. He always tried to mask his insecurities with cocky jokes and wide smiles, and you found to be strangely found of him. Walking side by side, it was almost shocking that the person next to you managed to defeat someone so strong as Pain. You crossed paths with Akatsuki once in a while on your missions, and you knew better than anyone how lucky you were for being alive.

“Y/n-chan, would you like to hang out sometime?” Naruto blurted out, his cheeks tinted with a light pink.

“Isn’t that what we are doing?” You smiled at him, poking his side with your elbow.

“Yes, but I mean, like a date.” He scratched the back of his neck, his eyes focused on the road ahead.

“I would love to.” You shrugged, but inside, your heart was flipping around. The worst part was when you realized it wasn’t because your mission was finally working, but because you wanted to go out with him.

“How about tomorrow?” He questioned, as soon as you arrived at the Yamanaka’s house.

“That would be perfect. Until then.”

Things followed. The first date, the connection between you two was undeniable, but you still tried to keep your mind on the prize. You analyzed every single word that came out of his mouth, but your heart couldn’t stop but beat faster every time he would smile or say something sweet about you.

You accepted his invitation for a second date, a third, a fourth, until Naruto became a constant on your routine. There were days where you would see him more than you would see your own cousin Ino, and you lived with the girl.

For many times, you wanted badly to let it go of this mission and just live. A normal relationship with someone you were crazy about, a nice family who loved you and supported you, loyal friends, out of the chart teachers… It was everything so tempting, but something buried inside your head didn’t make you give up completely for it, so every night, you wrote down on a parchment the new discovers from Naruto and everyone around him.

The last drop of resistance on your body melted the day he asked you to be his girlfriend.

You choked on the ramen you were about to swallow, staring in disbelief at the blond guy sitting across the table, his cheeks tinted by a nice shade of red.

“I know I surprised you, but it would be nice if you said something.” Naruto pointed out, scratching the back of his head, nervously.

A movie played on your head, those ones that you would figure that they passed when you were about to die. Everything you could remember since you left Konoha marked you in a way you would never recover, that for sure, but did that mean you could never find happiness? For the first time, you felt what it was like. For the first time, sorrow and hurt wasn’t the feelings that you went to the whole day through, fighting them to the back of your mind.

Naruto was there, offering everything you have ever wanted, and you had the guts to say yes.

So, you did.

His face lightened as someone had just told him he had won a whole year of free ramen. His happiness was by far the favorite thing you had witnessed in your life, along with the kiss that followed after it. For once, you forgot about your former jobs, your former past and mostly, your former pain.

During months, everything was just fine. Both of you had to deal with some difficulties on your way, but nothing that would damage your relationship. You ended up finding out about Sasuke and how badly Naruto wanted to recover him back, how deep Naruto and Sakura relationship was, strong as a brotherhood. Ino also loved to have you around, and even though you didn’t have a team, InoShikaCho didn’t hesitate to take you under their wings.

One day before the big war, you and Naruto were packing the stuff you would need to take to reunite the Alliance force. He was going through your draws, as you were going through your closet, as you heard his breathing getting faster.

“y/n, what is this?”

You turned to face your boyfriend with your old parchments on his hands. By the looks of it, he had read a couple of them, and the confusion on his face broke your heart as you didn’t know what to say.

Every single day you told yourself you should get rid of those things, but you never remembered. The guy who hired you never went after you because he didn’t even pay you, at first, so he didn’t lose anything by you not doing it.

“Naruto, I can explain.”

“So do it, because from where I’m standing, it seems like a parchment with a lot of private information of mine.” Naruto threw the paper and it ended up in front of your feet.

“You have to understand, Naruto. There were a few things I have done to survive that I am not proud of.” You took a step forward, but Naruto raised his hand as signing for you to stop.

“What you were going to do with those, y/n?” He demanded, his eyes turning red for a second before coming back to the usual blue.

“I was hired to spy on you, that was the motive that made me come back to Konoha.” The tears started to pool on the corner of your eyes. “But that was before. I didn’t give them anything about you. I couldn’t, I love you too much to do it.”

“You came to Konoha decided to betray your own family?” His tone mirrored the despise on his eyes.

“I would never do anything to hurt them.”

“But me, it was okay?”

“You don’t understand, Naruto. Spying was everything I knew before I came to Konoha. I was hurt and alone, needing money to survive. I wanted to honor my mother wishes but I couldn’t.”

“Do you really think I don’t understand the concept of being alone?” He hissed, turning his gaze away from your face. “I’ve been alone for the most part of my life, y/n. I grew up with people running away from me out of fear and you came here to tell me that I simply don’t understand? What is there to understand now?”

“That I’m crazy about you. You changed me, made me see things in a point of view I didn’t even know it was possible. You were gentle, kind and I believe you can change the whole world just by being in it, Naruto. I am sorry that I didn’t come here with the best intentions, but I am a totally different person from before.”

“I think we should take a break.”

“A break? We are going to a war tomorrow!”

“It’ll be better for both of us if we are focused on the battle ahead. We’ll talk when we are back.”

“Except that you can’t be sure that both of us are coming back alive.”

That hit him, hard. You noticed how shallow his breath became, how he had to swallow hard before opening his mouth again. “Come back alive.” He said, for last, before leaving you on the empty room.

The next few days, you had barely seen Naruto. He didn’t tell anyone about your former plans, which just made harder to explain people why you two weren’t together anymore. You ended up being designed to the same battalion as your cousin and her team. Even though you knew it was a war to protect Naruto and the bijuu inside him, every second of your day was filled with worried by him, and the constant lack of news was even worse than the nonstop fighting.

After finishing the coast, your whole group were designed to assist Naruto on his battle. Of course, you were the one running as faster as you can, so you could reach him faster. No words were needed in this case, all you want were to lay your eyes on him to make sure he was alive.

The moment your heart skipped a beat was exactly when he entered on your sight. The blond guy that you loved with all your body cells was standing there, he seemed hurt and tired, but not even as near to give up. That being the trait which you loved the most on him.

The whole battle was a long one and the adrenaline never stopped running through people’s vein, yours mostly. When Naruto decided to divide his nine tail chakra with everyone, was the first time he realized you were there. He hesitated before touching your hand, and you pressed your lips into a thin line when he jerked back to keep a whine that threatened to escape from your lips inside.

Before moving to the next person, he shot you a sad grin. “I’m glad you alive.”

As fast as he came, he disappeared on the crowd. You didn’t even have the chance to check if it was a shadow clone, just his dust from the run near you now. Despite it, it seemed you couldn’t look away. Following Naruto and paying attention to his surroundings was basically your task. So, the moment you saw one of the ten tailed monsters going straight at his direction, you didn’t think twice before jumping in between them, avoiding Naruto to get a hit on his back.

But you got the hit right below your chest, taking away all the air from your lungs.

Naruto just was fast enough to end the creature as you fell against the cold ground. You fell the warm blood spreading through all your clothes, your conscience slightly fading away.

As soon as Naruto reached you, the tears were already pooling in the corner of his eyes. “No, no, no. Stay with me, y/n. I told you not to die, damn it.” He looked around, looking for someone. “SAKURA, HELP ME.” He screamed, his voice cracking at the end.

“Naruto, it’s okay. You’re okay. That’s what matters.” You managed to say and honestly, you wanted to speak even more, but the pain running through your body was unbearable, every breath feeling like someone was stabbing you.

“SAKURA! WHERE IS SHE?” Naruto yelled at someone near, you couldn’t see who it was. “Do you know anything about medic ninjutsu? Can you help me?”

Someone bent near to your body, sobbing. “You stupid! What did you do?”

A weak smile crossed your lips, in relief. “You should be used by now, cousin. I’ll always protect those I love.”

A green chakra was leaking from her hands, pressed on your wound. But it wouldn’t work. You could feel your organs shutting down, one at time.

“Ino, talk to me.” Naruto hissed.

“I can’t, the damage, I can’t.” The blond said, crying.

“It’s okay. Both pay attention at me. Ino, thank you for everything.” You managed to say, but she cut you off.

“I just lost my father, please. Please. I can’t lose you too!” She leaned in over your body, and you had to cough a little. A warm feeling appeared running down your cheek and you weren’t sure if it was blood or tears.

“Ino.” You said a little bit stronger. “Take care of yourself, and the boys too. They need you. I love you, sister.”

“I love you!” She yelled, before Shikamaru pulled her back from your body.

A small part of you still wanted to laugh, they were still on a battlefield on a fucking war and here they were, acting like they had all the time in the world.

“Naruto.” You used the last strength on your body to look at him. “Hi baby.”

He was crying silently; his hand was holding yours so strongly and you didn’t even feel it. “Please.”

“I am sorry for not staying alive. Don’t you ever forget how much I loved you. Thank you for teaching me what love really meant.” You swallowed hard. “Take care of Ino for me, and please, stay alive.”

“I will. I love you too. I love you so much.” He hugged your body and you noticed the pain was smaller, as almost not existent. You smiled to the sky and closed your eyes, just waiting. Far from there, the sound of a someone crying harder reached your ears, and then, everything went black.

#naruto #naruto fic #naruto fanfic #naruto oneshot #naruto imagine #naruto uzumaki #naruto uzumaki imagines #naruto uzumaki oneshot #naruto uzumaki imagine #naruto x reader #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto uzumaki and reader #naruto x ooc #naruto x s/o #naruto angst #naruto fluff #naruto uzumaki angst

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pinkykitten · 6 years ago

Text

The Shoulder Touch

Peaky Blinders

Isaiah Jesus x female! reader

Warning: none

Specifics: romance, comedy, fluff, one-shot, race neutral reader, based on a movie, gifs

People: isaiah jesus, tommy shelby, arthur shelby, michael shelby, john shelby, finn shelby, bar woman (oc)

Words: 2,399

Summary: isaiah jesus meeting you for the first time since you moved to small heath, he does the hey from spider man into the spider verse.

Authors Note: hey...so this is not an au its just like based, gave me inspiration for this fic. this is my first peaky fic so im sorry if i get some things wrong or somethings just sound stupid ur girl far from perfect. isaiah is actually one of my fav characters and miles i love him with all my heart and soul. if u havent watched spider man into the spider verse pls do urself a favor and do that rn. if you want to be tagged or request anything peaky blinders pls do loves. also this was not requested.

(not my gif! do not own!)

You were from London. Your whole life was rooted there, family, friends, every thing you’ve ever known. When you became of age to make decisions for yourself you moved to Small Heath. Every one you knew thought of you as crazy, insane to make a move to number one some where you didn’t quite know and number two (hEhheEHEehEHe im immature) some where unfortunately was more poor than you were accustomed to. You wanted to move there to find your independence. You wanted to find a simple job and live a simple life with just you yourself. All your life you were shielded away from almost everything, just once you wanted to see what the world had to offer.

But who knew it would be this hard!

“I did not realize it was going to be this bad looking.” You complained to well a goat. You were currently making your way on a boat to Birmingham. Seated with yes some passengers and also some animals you could see the shore nearby. “Well its now or never thats what I always say. Thank you for keeping me company friend.” You stood up and patted your skirt. Anticipation easing within you as you glance at the unknown.

You got off the boat and set to your new life. Yes there were some characteristics different from London but you learned to look past them. You peered down at the letter your boss had sent you. You were to start work the next day. You were a journalist, writing was your passion and seeing as this area was not so big as London than maybe you could gain popularity here.

“Its a good dream to have y/n,” you said to yourself as you headed to your apartment.

The whole day was about putting your little items you had and sticking them into your small apartment. Then since you needed food to you know live you set on going to the market not far from your living space. The day was set then with buying new outfits for your job. You did want to look spiffy! (girl thats me i wanna be spiffy naw no sticky cuz im thicccc like skippy)

Towards the end of the day you already had your dinner and decided since it was your first night here to have some fun. You made you way to a pub nearby called The Garrison. As you made your way inside you saw the majority of the people in there were...bad. You were not used to seeing these types of people. Deciding to just try to enjoy your time here you make you way to the bar.

You scanned around as you sat on a stool. Every one was mingling and you were the only odd ball. You crossed your legs all primp and proper and awaited service. A unknown woman came beside you to order her drink, “whiskey.” You admired how she looked, you could tell she knew her stuff. She seemed from around here. Her dress showed cleavage and as you peered down at your dress you thought that for this setting you needed to be a bit more out there. You examined her outfit and then yours and compared to hers yours looked like a little girls dress. You tried not to make it so obvious that you were copying her. You opened up a few buttons and awaited for her to leave to order. Your accent seemed even different from every one else’s. “Yes can I please have a whiskey as well.” You were clueless! You had never drank in your life so this was new, you just imitated what the other woman did. As you got your drink you took one tiny sip and almost spit it all out. The taste was very strong, you tried not to choke so as not to make a show. As you just endured the time there you could feel eyes behind your back.

You secretly wanted to see so you tried to look back quickly but you were too quick about it, you didn’t even get a glimpse. You could see from the corner of your eye them still staring. “What in god’s name?” You cursed under your breath as you stumbled off the stool, not knowing it was that high from the ground. Proudly got your drink and strutted to the group of men looking at you.

“Is something the matter men? I have seen you all staring at me for the past hour now, care to explain?” You sassed to the group of (delicious sexy men called the peaking puffin blinders DUHHHH) men that wore nice suits. There were a couple of them, some of them wearing the flat caps. There was a man with a neat hairstyle and a mustache, another man with his cap crooked eyeing you up and down like you were the prey. Another man with the lightest blue eyes you had ever seen, a young one with broccoli looking hairstyle (im srry finn’s hair looks so stupid!), another young one that was handsome, and another young one but he looked the most different from every one. He was dark skinned, he caught your eye. All the men looked at you sexually but all you could see was the young dark man staring into your eyes. You took a gulp feeling the bashfulness creep up on you.

“Sorry you just seem you’re not from around here,” spoke the man with ice like eyes.

“Well, you are right about that. I am not. I’m from London...actually.” You tried to sound ferocious but that just made them like you more.

“Really, London? We just were looking at you because well love you look so alone and a beautiful girl should never be alone. Names John.” He stood up and gave you a hand shake. They all introduced themselves except the one man you actually wanted to get to know.

“My name is y/n. Hey you, you didn’t say your name. Whats your name?” You smiled at him. You could tell that he was getting nervous and a bit bashful as well. He gulped and Michael had to nudge him to get him out of his trance with you. “Right well um, my names Isaiah.”

“Oooh Isaiah, what a beautiful name.” Isaiah thought his name sounded way more beautiful when you said it.

They all could feel the tension and the atmosphere of you two. Arthur coughed in order to break the awkwardness.

“May I sit?” You found the courage to ask as you stood there holding your drink. John and Arthur were about to go against you but Tommy and Isaiah both in unison stood up for you and said yes. “Why thank you.”

“So y/n, what do you do?” The raspy voice of Tommy came out.

“I’m a journalist. I love writing about the news and really I do enjoy just writing. It is my passion.” You took a sip of your drink and almost made a face of disgust. (omg i think i made that face now lol i just put in a jolly rancher but the apple one) “Wow this is strong indeed. How can you all drink that?” You cough into your hand and Arthur and John pat your back to steady yourself.

“You’re drinking the wrong thing love,” Tommy says as he hands you a glass of what their drinking.

“Right.” You brace yourself and take a huge gulp of the drink. You start coughing again and you can see that Isaiah is worried about you.

“Too strong for ya,” John laughs with the others.

“Nope, its truly delicious.” You hide yourself under the table for a second and try not to barf, “that was truly disgusting.” You whisper only to yourself.

Isaiah appears, his head under the table, “you good love?”

“Am I good, well that drink was surely not but I think I can manage. Thanks.” As you lift your head up you’re greeted with his face close to yours. “Oh hello there, Isaiah.”

Michael then went under, “um what are you all doing down here? Are we having a party?” You chuckled and got back up from under the table.

After having time to talk to the men and having a good chat you stand up and stretch, “well I think this is where I should part, it was lovely meeting you men and thank you for the drink.” You put money on the table but Isaiah puts his hand out to stop you, “no need. It was on us.”

You grinned at Isaiah and made you way to the exit but as you walked outside you heard the pounding of foot steps behind you. “Wait y/n!”

You turn around to bump into Isaiah, “whoops, yes?”

Isaiah was out of breath but he stood up straight and looked around shyly. “I was wondering, would you like to meet me here tomorrow? Just me and you, no one else?”

“Just you and me?” You pretended to give it some thought, “of course.”

Isaiah gave you a lovesick grin but then shook it off and pretended to be this tough guy, “alright, see you then.”

You walked out of plain sight and Michael came out, “look at you, you really like her a lot don’t you?”

Finn stepped out to greet Isaiah, “look at him. He’s already in love.” They both made fun of him and Isaiah shook his head, “you bastar*s.”

Isaiah’s P.O.V.

The date was tomorrow and Isaiah felt clueless about what to do with you. He was nervous.

“I don’t know there’s just something about this girl Michael. She’s different and I really like her.” Isaiah explained to him while him and Michael and Finn sat in the Shelby Parlour.

“I’ve never seen you this nervous for anything,” Finn raised his brow.

“Look I know you’re shy, I sometimes get like that with me girls but you need to only know one thing in this life,” Michael instructed him, placing his hand on Isaiah’s shoulder.

“I’m all ears.”

Michael chuckled, “do you know about the shoulder touch?”

“What? I mean of course I do, but um explain it to me again. I must of forgotten.”

“Right. When you see y/n tomorrow you waltz to her and with a dashing smile you put your hand on her shoulder and give her a sexual face saying, hey.” Michael did that to Isaiah and it took everything of Isaiah to not laugh at his friends face.

“Are you sure about this?”

“My friend its biology. Every girl, including y/n you do that to will fall at your feet.”

“So like this, I just go to y/n and say...hey.”

Michael shook his head, “no its like this...hey.” His voice became deeper.

“Heyyy,” Isaiah’s turned his voice deeper imitating Michael.

“No, hey,” Michael did it again, smooth.

“He-ey,” Isaiah’s voice cracked as he tried to be as charming as Michael.

(not my gif! do not own!)

“You’re ridiculous mate,” they all have a good laugh about it. “But you can do this, even though you’re a little rusty in some areas we believe in you.”

Finn gave Isaiah a freckled smile and nodded.

“Then I’m ready.”

End of Isaiah P.O.V.

As you entered the pub your eyes searched for the handsome face of Isaiah. You subconsciously pull your dress down and swash away any imaginary lint. Biting your lips in nervousness you spot Isaiah. Feeling all giddy you motion to him with a skip to your step, your giggle like music to his ears. You wave to him with a, “hello there.”

Isaiah sees you and with a shy grin he hands you some flowers, “these are for you.”

As you grab the bouquet your hand lightly touches Isaiah’s hand. He coughs awkwardly and you gasp in awe at the beauty he has given you, “my word Isaiah these are extremely beautiful.”

“Yeah, I got them because they remind me of you.”

You knit your brows and give a oblivious look, “oh, in what way?”

Isaiah gulped, “they are beautiful just like you.”

You laughed at his cheesy pick up lines, “Isaiah you flatter me too much, but I should say the same about you.” You come in contact with him and get as close as possible. “You handsome man.” With a leap of faith (YASSSS SPIDEY REFERENCE FOR DAYS LOSERS ITS ALL JUST A LEAP OF FAITH PEEPS) you placed your delicate hands on his chest, the fabric of his suit and his body making your cold hands warm.

Isaiah was having a nervous break down. He was trying to find what to do next with you. “The shoulder touch!!!” He thought as he pushed you back.

“Umm?” Was all you could mutter when he awkwardly, but you can tell he was trying to be smooth, placed his hand on your shoulder, “hey.” His voice deepened.

You sucked in your lips and tried to understand his motive, “um...hi?”

The breath that Isaiah was holding finally came out and he look defeated, “I’m sorry love. I’m trying to be this tough man but truly I’m not when I’m with you I get nervous and shy like a little school boy. Look what you did to me y/n.”

You made an evil grin and pushed Isaiah on the booth. Cautiously, you sat on his lap, the end of your dress pooling around his thighs. “So I make you nervous?”

Isaiah looked like he was well lets just say bust a nut. His heart was hammering so hard and fast, with a quick nod you got your answer.

You crossed your arms, “you’re so cute! You make me nervous and shy as well Isaiah Jesus (take the wheel) that makes me feel that you actually care.”

Isaiah sat up straighter, holding your waist against him so you wouldn’t fall. He placed your hand on his chest, “you feel that gorgeous? That’s what you make a man that ain’t scared of nothing do.”

“Funny our hearts match, its like they’re dancing.” You gave a quick peck on Isaiah’s cheek and sat beside him, holding his hand.

Isaiah felt now more at ease with you, rubbing his calloused hand against yours, “you’re something else y/n.”

You laugh, “you too lad!” You placed your hand on his shoulder, “I just wanted to say though...hey,” you deepened your voice.

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

#peaky blinders #fanfiction #imagines #x reader #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fic #isaiah jesus #isaiah jesus x reader #isaiah jesus imagine #miles morales #marvel #spider man into the spider verse #race neutral reader #not requested #omg i loved writing this #this was so much fun to write like i c h o k e d with laughter #the shoulder touch

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boojersey · 6 years ago

Note

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

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