#i havent gotten this many anons in a while

[ancharan]

Op just wanted to say thank u for your entirely free billford monsterfucker comic. It looks like it took so much work and I'm enjoying it immensely! I'm excited to see where things go 👀. Also, I saw you were thinking of posting the full thing on Ao3 when it's done and I think that's a great idea! I'd love to read it there all together when it's finished. Hope you have a beautiful day as the fandoms strongest soldier 🫡

anon i cant charge people money for this, this is a public service

(also i fucked up the formatting, if i sent this to a printer itd come out blurry)

(if i hadnt done that, i might have offered it as a potential zine available for purchase)

(if ppl are interested, i might do one in the future??)

(idk just a thought)

[everythingsinred]

heyy hello my natsumika expert, I wanted to ask you a question. I read the manga a long time ago and I didn't understand the translations very well at the time but now rereading it I'm realizing that Mikan was technically the first to confess (? In that chapter where they exchange bodies with their other classmates and Mikan handcuffs Natsume thinking that he was Bear, she vents to him and tells him her thoughts about Natsume and I think at one point she tells him that sometimes she thinks that she likes Natsume ( I don't know, the translation is really very confusing but I think in the end she made it clear that she had feelings for him and I wonder if this is what makes Natsume feel more confident about publicly confessing to her in front of everyone like that or what do you think? I'm very confused

Hi! I graciously accept the title of NM expert <3

I really don't blame you for struggling with the translations. Honestly, for a very long time, I only half understood what was going on in some chapters when the scans weren't the best quality and I am extremely fortunate to have 15 volumes of the TokyoPop English translation that make things a bit more clear. I also think things become a bit more clear to me with each reread, which is why I find rereading up to a certain point so fun!

To answer your question in short: yes and no and yes and no and yes and no. Mikan did and didn't confess first. That might be confusing, but lemme explain. This might get long-winded and unnecessarily convoluted, but here we go...

Short answer: Mikan did and didn't confess first but the confessions are minimally important and I don't think this potential confession changed or affected Natsume's later confession.

I talked about this throughout out my NM: Mikan essay, but Mikan is incredibly evasive regarding her feelings for Natsume in particular. This is interesting because of how vocally affectionate she is with Hotaru and Narumi and Tsubasa. Mikan is physically affectionate with friends, and loves to tell them that she loves them. Natsume stands as a unique exception to this because the love she has for him is just different. Frequently she might say "Natsume and everyone" or "my friends and Natsume" because Natsume is not a friend; he is in an entirely singular category that Mikan does not want to name, even when she does realize it.

So for a tortuously lengthy amount of the manga's run, Mikan will talk about her feelings for Natsume through the veil of everyone or people. "Saying PEOPLE'S names" or "everyone is worried." Mikan distances herself from her affection for Natsume by (even in her own thoughts) claiming that her feelings are universal, or a group opinion and not her own. Natsume has been gone for a while? Mikan will claim that everyone's been wondering where he is even though, pointedly, she is the only one asking about it. Natsume has been ignoring her lately? He's ignoring everyone, even though the only person he is dismissing is her.

Again, I do say this in the essay so I hope I'm not beating a dead horse here but Mikan avoids her feelings for Natsume in this way for a couple of reasons:

1. Their relationship begins as a hostile one and it becomes more openly friendly over the course of the manga in a really subtle way. Unless you're tracking it carefully like I do, it might not be easy to point a finger on when things change or shift. When did Natsume go from an enemy to a cool guy she likes hanging out with? When did he go from the absolute worst to someone who makes her cloudy sky go away? This gradual shift in the very nature of their bond complicates her feelings and makes her thoughts about him less fully positive or fully negative.

2. MOST IMPORTANTLY, Natsume has been at threat of "leaving" Mikan since the beginning of their relationship and she has been living in constant anxiety of that threat ever since. In some way, Mikan is cognizant vaguely of the fact that Natsume is not going to stick around because he is sick, reckless, and under constant threat by the school. More than anyone else, Mikan wants to protect him because he's the one person who most NEEDS her protection. As a result, fully admitting how much he means to her means acknowledging how much she would lose when he finally does leave her (and just as we expect, when he does leave her, she is DEVASTATED, something she knew she would be all along).

So, having made that aspect of Mikan's feelings clear, let's get into that chapter, (Chapter 91).

Mikan, thinking she's talking to Bear in Natsume's body, even though it really is just Natsume, talks about how Natsume's been worrying her lately by distancing himself from everyone in class, so she thinks maybe he might leave her. She notes that she isn't sure whether or not he likes her, and that's alluding to something pretty important:

My first "no" to this question is because Natsume confessed to Mikan during the Sports Festival Arc, during the Borrowing Race in 84. He does this with a mask on, assuming someone else's identity, and then when he's almost caught, Luna cleans up his mess by affirming he was with her at the time. However, Mikan is able to ascertain that Natsume is the one who did borrowed her, and since the mind-readers gave him full points before he was disqualified, she knows it was a genuine love confession.

Thus, in some way, he confessed first. And yet Mikan still doesn't fully trust his feelings now because of his current behavior, that she doesn't understand what he's doing and is worried that he will abandon her (die). She doesn't say she loves him here, in 91, but I think she alludes to it in her own repressed flavor, so in a way she is also confessing, thus, my first "yes" answer.

But neither of these confessions really achieves anything. Natsume and Mikan continue to be evasive and weird about their feelings and are incredibly indirect at every opportunity. Yes, maybe Natsume confesses "first," but he does it with a mask on with full intention of her NEVER figuring it out. I mean, considering that Natsume doesn't really ever know for sure that Mikan did indeed figure it out, counting it as a confession seems weak. We might as well count their Christmas kiss, where he releases affection in yet another indirect way, or when he snuggles her when they sleep together. His confession was not intended to really let her know he loved her, but rather to assuage the constant guilt and dissatisfaction he feels from repressing his love all the time.

And then we have Mikan's, where she once again and like always hides behind "us" and "people" and "everyone," making it indirect like Natsume's. It might be fair to assume that they both are aware that the other has feelings for them, but that's not really the problem. They're not together, not because they don't love each other, but because 1. Mikan is TERRIFIED of losing him, and 2. Natsume is TERRIFIED of hurting her.

I read an older fanfic recently and had to abandon it actually because it was canon-verse, in which Natsume refuses to accept that he loves Mikan even though EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD can see it. I think this characterization is kind of tired, to me, because it fundamentally misunderstands their canon romantic conflict as being one of miscommunication and ships in the night. They cannot acknowledge their feelings, or they can't spit it out, or that Natsume is embarrassed of his feelings, or that they keep falling into love triangle trappings--they tend to miss the real problem. Natsume is the "brooding bad boy" who refuses to acknowledge that he loves the stupid sunshine girl, and thus he ends up looking more emotionally immature than her, more repressed and stuffy, more interested in keeping up a macho image, in many fanfics.

But... that's not actually the case. Natsume knows pretty instantly that he loves Mikan, and fully accepts it, as soon as it happens. The lack of communication of those feelings is only minimally if at all about reciprocation or courtship or about how embarrassing it is to love Mikan and more than anything about the danger it puts Mikan in for Natsume to love her and the fact that he has no future to offer her.

Natsume's sickness is the basis for everything: why Natsume's confession is indirect and why Mikan's confession hides behind a group. The real unspoken element in this conversation is less about their feelings and more about the fact that Natsume is going to die very young.

I mean, lets track the confessions in this story, by the actual use of the words "love" or "like" or the conventions of love in the alice world:

Mikan is technically the first to give Natsume her alice stone and even though she denies the tie to the legend, that's a cover-up. Whether Mikan acknowledges it or not, that was a sign of her affections, one that he immediately returns, though anonymously. Thus, this first alice-stone exchange of theirs is a mutual confession of feelings and yet because they are both hiding their intentions, nothing changes. (Another "yes" to your question, because Mikan initiates this exchange.) (72)

Natsume confesses his feelings through the Borrowing Race with a mask on and an alibi supplied by Luna, like we discussed. Though Mikan figures it out really quickly, this is indirect and anonymous (84).

Mikan tries to talk about her feelings for Natsume and Natsume's feelings for her, through indirect language and hiding behind "everyone" and she thinks she's talking to Bear, and thus another indirect confession (91).

Natsume declares to the ESP and the DA class that he will protect Mikan at any cost because he loves her. He is not talking to Mikan even though she's in the room. It really doesn't feel like the goal is to inform Mikan, but to inform the adversaries that his feelings are so strong that they shouldn't underestimate him (97).

When they are being separated, and Mikan is about to leave for probably forever and--because Natsume is confirmed to be dying--she will likely never see him again, Mikan confesses to loving Natsume telepathically, something that devastates both of them (134).

Christmas... Mikan confesses her love to Natsume as her Christmas present to Natsume and he responds in kind. This is the first time either of them says it directly to the other without hiding behind pretense (144).

Actually, on Christmas, Mikan is the first to say the words "I love you" directly to Natsume, and thus she is--just as you said--the first to really confess. I'm sure there's more little moments of a similar but less apparent flavor to these, but I think I made my point. You see why this is a complicated question to answer?

I do think, in a couple ways, Mikan was first. I also think, even if none of the confessions counted before 97, that the unspoken feelings were somewhat felt by both before they were said out loud.

But to answer your second question: no, I don't think Mikan's feelings had any bearing on Natsume's confession in 97. Basically, Natsume's lack of confession before had nothing to do with reciprocation. He says in 51 that he had no intention of "winning" anyway, and his actions are of a boy who has already given up. Whether Mikan feels the same or not is irrelevant. His love for her is almost entirely selfless in nature; he is someone who believes that love is sacrifice and thus the best way he can think of to show someone he loves them is by giving up his own happiness or even his own life for them. I think Natsume would have confessed in 97 regardless of whether or not Mikan hinted to her own feelings and let me explain a little why I think so.

Natsume does not think Mikan really understands love the way he does. He underestimates her love for him, thinks of it as something that can change or fade or be given to someone else. He even considers that it might turn to hatred, but his love is unchangeable and fixed. Whatever feelings she has are really not, in his opinion, in the same league as his. Yes, this might be somewhat condescending but it is really just entirely self-deprecating.

Like I said earlier, Natsume's conflict is not about accepting his love for Mikan or even the idea of reciprocation, it's about the fact that he has no future to offer and because loving her openly would put her in danger. This conflict reaches an infuriating impasse during the Sports Festival Arc, but it reaches a fever pitch here. In the context of Chapter 97, Mikan is about to be forcibly placed in the DA class, which is pretty much the worst case scenario for Natsume. All of his actions so far have been in the effort of protecting her and if she is in the DA class, then it's all been for nothing. He has nothing to gain anymore by obeying the ESP or Persona and so he doesn't. His confession is less about telling Mikan and more about rebelling against these powers. His love for her is so strong that they no longer have power over him. They cannot control him anymore if their orders would put Mikan in danger as they have. Whether or not Mikan hears it is unimportant.

But in regards to Mikan and her hearing it and whether or not she reciprocates: it doesn't matter to him. Natsume is not in this for reciprocity or to get a girlfriend. His goal is only to protect Mikan. That is all. If Mikan ends up with Ruka or Hotaru or friggin Nonoko makes no real difference to him, as long as she is safe and happy. Would he be happy with that? No, but Natsume's happiness is not important to him, and is in fact the last priority on his list. Mikan could be cruel and spiteful and tell him this whole night that she hates him and his goals would not change. He would still dedicate everything he has to protecting her and he would probably still tell the whole room he loves her.

So in short, Natsume's confession that night was more of a "letting you know" resignation letter to the ESP and Persona than a real bona fide confession to Mikan. I mean, that same night, Hotaru and Ruka also confess but with, like, real direct words.

But this just further goes into my idea that their conflict and the reason why it takes them so long to get together is more about Natsume's life-shortening alice than anything else, even before Mikan knows for sure that he has it. Does Mikan struggle with accepting her feelings? Sure. Does Natsume hide his affections because of Persona for a pretty long time? Definitely. But the actual through line here is Natsume not having a future and both of them knowing that.

They both skirt around their feelings for a pretty long time and then they're both proven right. Their love IS devastating. It IS short-lived (they're only really together for one night). There IS no real future. He DOES leave her. He DOES end up hurting her. But it being so short-lived inspires not just justification of them avoiding the confessions, but also frustration that they didn't confess earlier--because if they had, maybe they would've been able to spend more time together. If they had, maybe Mikan would have had more time to convince Natsume his life had value outside of sacrifice. If they had, maybe things wouldn't have ended so tragically. But therein lies the issue: there is no way that would have ever happened.

They are starcrossed lovers, doomed by the narrative and they were always going to end the way they did. It's one of the most beautifully written parts of Gakuen Alice, and in my opinion is the beating heart of the story. starpeace on tumblr's quote fits this pretty well:

"i love when tragedies are like 'the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there'”

After all, canonically, Mikan cannot save Natsume. Her love for him and his love for her are ineffective in action. They do not save each other despite their best efforts. It ended just as disastrously as they both feared it would, and yet they both eventually made the choice to pursue it anyway, to taste it, even if it was never going to last.

[unsolvedjarin]

omg after reading part two of the mentor!seb x ferrari driver!reader fic i NEED something where he actually tries to play matchmaker for reader and mick😭 Like him giving so many hints but reader is just oblivious and Seb decides to take matter into his own hands yk?

Only if you’re open to it ofc! 🥰🥰

BEES, AMONG OTHER THINGS.

pairing: (mick schumacher x driver! reader) (mentor! sebastian vettel x reader)

note: HEY. i havent written anything in weeks and its been KILLING me. ive been so burnt out lately its crazy, but seeing seb in suzuka did give me a bit of motivation (although this is more of a mick-centric fic, my boy deserves it.) anyways sorry for letting this stew for so long anon, hopefully i can write more soon ive missed it tbh

summary: suzuka finds itself not only an interesting spot for bee hotels, but for reunions and confrontations as well.

content warning: none, except its a little all over the place and once again i havent grammar checked this im so sorry it’s three in the morning

previous part, but can be read without <3

When Sebastian invited the grid to his bee hotel opening, he expected maybe five or six people to come, but not this.

Everyone was coming.

And by everyone, I mean everyone. The drivers, the reserves, even the team principals, had all confirmed their appearance for the event. Sebastian knew he was loved by the grid, but the thought of all of them coming together for him still made his heart swell.

It was one in the afternoon, just thirty minutes before they were about to actually start the event. While the participation of the drivers were confirmed, they were still coming in one by one, some later than the others. Sebastian was in a particularly interesting conversation with Fernando about flowers when a poke to his shoulder captured his attention.

He turned around to find you, standing there behind him, waiting for him to finish his conversation with excitement you couldn’t contain. It was the first time you’ve seen each other since Silverstone, and even then you barely had time to talk to each other.

Before he could say anything, you jumped into his arms and hugged him so tight that Sebastian thought he would lose oxygen— but he still hugged you back with equal enthusiasm.

“Sebastian!” you screamed, being spun around once by the man. He missed you so much. Sebastian wasn’t particularly the greatest texter, and calling wasn’t something you were fond of, so besides the occasional visit you barely talked.

“Y/N, I thought you’d never come,” he says with a grin. He knew you were coming, of course. You would never miss out on this. You give him a playful shove, before giving Fernando a quick hug as well. In the year Seb has been gone, you had gotten closer with the Aston Martin driver who replaced him.

Fernando excuses himself quickly after, knowing you and Sebastian had some catching up to do. “Don’t tell me you’ve replaced me with him,” Sebastian jokes the second the Spaniard was out of earshot.

“Why, are you jealous?” you teased. He scoffs in reply, but you could hear the hint of jealousy in his tone. “Don’t worry Seb, while I love his talk about flowers, you talking my ear off about bees still appeals to me more.”

That makes him smile.

“I’m glad you prefer my infodumping, then.”

The fact that you taught him that term makes your grin even wider. “Anytime.”

You wanted to talk with him more, to tell him how you’ve been doing the past few months, but before you could, some PR person swooped in to film some videos with him.

“Ah, sorry liebling,” Sebastian sighs. He leans in and whispers in your ear, “One thing I haven’t missed are these media hungry people.”

You stifle a giggle, before nudging him away from you. “Go on, it’s your event, this is your own doing.”

He rolls his eyes but walks away nonetheless, following the person from the media. Before he moves out of earshot, however, he shouts, “Oh by the way, Mick is here! Don’t be shy, go talk to him.”

Oh the bastard.

Half the grid must have heard that. You look at him with shock and a light blush on your cheeks but are met only with a cheeky grin from the man before he turns around to fully walk away.

Admittedly though, he was right. You hadn’t been talking to Mick much. You had a few lunches with him after Seb retired but without his third wheeling company, it just felt awkward to go out with the reserve driver one on one. You started thinking he just ate with you because he felt bad for you or something of the sort.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice snaps you out of your thinking.

“Jesus! Lewis, don’t give me a heart attack like that.”

The Mercedes driver laughs before replying, “Sorry, you just looked tense. Thinking about the race?”

“Not really, just some other stuff.”

“Like what? Like Mick?”

You almost choked on your own saliva right there and then. “Wh- what? What would— haha— make you think that? No that’s crazy, I’m just thinking about the bees! Yeah, because like the bee hotel and stuff I love b—”

“Sebastian wasn’t really quiet talking to you just then, you know.” He comments, cutting you off.

“Oh I’ll kill him.”

“Doubt it, you’ve missed him too much these past months to kill him immediately.”

“Touché, maybe I’ll wait a few more then.”

“Stop avoiding the question, why’re you thinking about Mick?” Lewis asks, not giving the topic up. Oh what the hell, Sebastian trusts him right? So you could trust him.

Thinking of how you could word your thoughts properly, you start, “I kinda— I dunno— I mean he’s a nice guy, he’s pretty sweet, and we’re friends obviously so it’d be—”

“You like him don’t you.” Lewis cuts you off for the second time in a row.

“Yeah.”

“Damn,” he sighs, letting it linger for a moment. “That’s crazy.”

A beat of silence passes. “You’re not gonna say anything else?”

“Say anything else about what?” Sebastian butts in your conversation, clearly just having finished his short interview. He takes his place beside you, scooching in between you and Lewis instead of taking up the free space on the other side.

“Oh, Y/N was just talking about how she likes Mick.”

“Was not!” You exclaim.

“Was too,” Lewis retorts. His teasing never ceased to amuse and annoy you at the same time.

“I think I’m going to believe Lewis on this one. After all, you did tell me, and I quote, you ‘sorta have a little maybe crush’ on Mick.”

You hang your mouth agape incredulously before slapping Seb on the arm, “I told you that in confidence!”

Seb laughs before defending himself, “Well Lewis knows now! Besides, it’s not like you’ve been that discrete about it.”

You look at Lewis who shrugs in reply, “It’s true. Pretty obvious when a Ferrari driver keeps hanging around the Mercedes garage, mate.”

Oh well, cat’s out of the bag. There’s no point in keeping it secret from Lewis now, you think. Putting your head in your hands, you groan, “That’s the problem! I’m always at the Mercedes garage talking to you or Toto or even George but never him!”

“Well why don’t you…talk to him?”

“Great advice Sherlock, gee, got any more good ones for me?” You ask Sebastian sarcastically. While you and Seb banter though, Lewis recalls a conversation he had with Mick one late night back in Singapore.

“Hey Lew, was Y/N here earlier?”

Lewis, who was packing up to go home, redirects his focus to the only remaining guy in the garage save for a few engineers. “Yeah, she visited right after the race to congratulate me. Why’re you looking for her?”

“Oh nothing, just asking.” Mick replies, fiddling with his hands. Even in his tired state, Lewis could tell that there was more the young driver wasn’t saying.

“C’mon, spit it out.” Lewis says, taking a seat on a random chair and patting the one beside him for Mick to take a seat. The younger driver hesitates for a moment before sighing and sitting down. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Better than anyone. Do you know what happened when Alonso crashed his McLaren back in 2015?”

“No, what?”

“Exactly,” Lewis replies with a grin. “So what is it?”

“I…” Mick sighs, unable to find the right words for what he was trying to say. “I think I like Y/N.”

There, it’s out in the open, he thinks. Mick waits for a reply from Lewis, but gets none. “Hello?”

Another beat of silence.

“Okay, this is starting to scare me.”

Lewis finally snaps out of his trance-like state, before getting up and continuing to pack up his things. “Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?”

“Well I thought it’d be something more secretive,” he says, putting up bunny ears.

“It is secretive,” Mick replies, mocking Lewis’ bunny ears. “No one knows.”

“Eh, I’m not so sure about that mate. I mean if you exclude Sebastian, Fernando, Toto, and myself, then sure, no one knows.”

Oh shit. Was he that obvious? “How- how did you all figure it out?”

“Well for one, if constantly tailing Sebastian and Y/N last year was your attempt at being discreet, then it was a horrible attempt. Second, you need to stop turning red and running away whenever she’s at the garage giving out food and what not. I can’t keep asking her for extra donuts for you forever, you know?”

Mick blushed slightly at the comment, not realizing how every time you came around to the garage he’d been unwillingly avoiding you out of fear you wouldn’t want to talk to him.

Lewis pats Mick on the back, getting ready to leave. “Listen man, if I were you, I’d make a move. That opportunity won’t last forever, plus, it seems like they like you back. Didn’t you guys go out together just the two of you a couple of times?”

Mick shrugged, “I don’t know, I mean I think she did that just because she felt bad for me being alone in the grid and because she missed Sebastian.”

Lewis internally rolled his eyes. He’s seen the way you look at Mick, there’s no way you didn’t like him too. “You have to stop doubting yourself. I mean the worst she can do is say no, right?”

“The worst she can do is avoid me for the rest of my life because I misread all the signs and she actually hates me.”

“That’s the spirit!” Lewis replied sarcastically, before murmuring a goodbye and leaving the garage.

That was weeks ago now, but the conversation was still stuck in Lewis’ head. He’d been right all along, you did like Mick back.

“Hey Seb, can I talk to you in private really quickly?” He speaks up, making you and the retired driver stop your bantering for a moment.

“You can say it in front of Y/N, it’s fine.” Seb replied. He trusted you completely with anything and everything.

“Well not if it’s about her.”

“Hey!” you complain. “Are you openly gossiping about me?”

“Listen, if you want our help, then let us huddle for a minute.”

Rolling your eyes, you sigh and nod at them. You really really liked Mick, but you were too much of a pussy to do anything about it. So if these two old twats could help you, then so be it.

Lewis pulls Seb to the side for a moment, inhaling deeply before talking softly so you couldn’t hear. “Okay, so here’s the thing. Mick told me he likes Y/N.”

Sebastian whips his head to face Lewis, “Holy shit, I knew it. I knew he wasn’t going out with us all the time last year for no reason.”

“Yeah, he’s not so discreet. Here’s the problem though, he firmly believes Y/N may hate him, and you know that Y/N believes Mick only likes her as a friend.”

“So what you’re saying is they’re both hopeless?”

“Without our help, basically yes.”

“God I can’t believe they haven’t caught a clue,” Sebastian sighs. “I even excused myself from multiple meals so I could leave the two of them alone even for a few minutes.”

“You’re telling me mate, I basically had to shove Mick towards her whenever she was at the garage or in hospitality.”

Meanwhile, while the two men were devising on their own, you were getting antsy. What could they possibly be coming up with? You didn’t really want to think about it too much, so you decided to take a walk around the track. After all, the event was about to start, so you might as well familiarize yourself with your surroundings.

You went through the unpainted bee hotels, admiring their woodwork and the effort it must’ve taken to make them. Sebastian had sent you a text at three in the morning yesterday saying “Finished! :-)” with a picture of the bee hotels attached, so you knew he put hard work into this project. You were happy that he was doing something he loved while retired, but at the same time you missed him terribly on the grid. It was lonely, you will admit, without him by your side. Sure you had your teammate Charles and the support of your fellow drivers, but it never felt like anyone truly knew you on the track besides Seb.

Stuck in your thoughts, you failed to notice the man who was walking up behind you mustering the courage to strike a conversation. You turn around to check out another bee hotel when you bump straight into Mick walking up to you.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

“Ow—” you hold your head in pain, which you bumped into the bee hotel roof when you recoiled backwards from the hit. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Great, Mick thought. Now what?

You’ve made a fool of yourself, congratulations, you thought.

Sebastian was about to walk over to see what all the commotion was about, when Lewis put a hand out and stopped him. “Look who bumped into her.”

Sebastian squinted a little— his eyesight had gotten worse but he refused to get glasses— and grins when he realizes who it is. “Best leave them to it then, I have an event to organize anyways.”

Meanwhile, Mick had no clue what to do. You were holding your head in pain, with your eyes closed trying to regain stability from the dizziness, and he was just standing there awkwardly trying to figure out what the right move was. Should he ask you again if you were alright? Should he hold you to stabilize you?

Well, why not both. Without thinking, he holds your shoulders, crouching down a little to look you in your eye, and asking a simple “You okay?”

You open your eyes, squinting because of the sun, and are met with a set of beautiful blue ones staring at you. Holy fucking shit. Now you don't know what to do.

“Uh— yeah, just hit my head. No biggie honestly, all good here,” you reply awkwardly. God, was it this hard to talk to him when Sebastian was around?

Mick lets go of your shoulders— you miss his touch already— and straightens up, nodding. “Good. Sorry for hitting you, I thought you heard me walking up.”

“No, it’s my fault honestly. Was stuck in my own thoughts. Nice that you pulled me out,” you joked, praying to whatever higher power was listening that it stuck.

Thankfully it did, and Mick let out a small giggle at your quip. It was enough for your stomach to do flips. And even though you had no clue, you joking around with him made his stomach do the same thing too. The simple interaction was enough to make him think that maybe you weren’t just hanging around with him before because you pitied him.

“You know,” Mick starts, before he loses confidence to breach the topic. He was here anyway, so might as well. “You’re always at the Mercedes garage but I never see you. I am sorry about that.”

You raised an eyebrow at him in confusion. Why was he sorry? You were the one who avoided him out of nervousness whenever you were there.

“You don’t have to be sorry about that, honestly, that’s my fault anyway. Same with our lunches before, I’m sorry we did those less and less. I guess I got too caught up in the races. We should have another one here in Japan!” You add the last part haphazardly, not really thinking about what you’re saying because if you do you’ll lose confidence.

It was too late when you realized what you said, and terrified to see Mick’s reaction to the invitation, you stare at anything but him. Wow, the sky was blue today. How interesting.

Mick, on the other hand, was frozen on the spot. Did he hear that correctly? Were you inviting him to lunch for the first time in months?

Before the reserve driver could get his hopes up, however, he realized what was different this time. Sebastian was around.

Oh. Maybe that was the only reason you invited him this time around. Because, again, like before, you felt sorry for him being alone and you had the confidence to ask him because Sebastian was here.

“Would…Sebastian be coming?” He asked. He wasn’t a religious man by any means, but he begged God at that moment you would say no. He had nothing against the retired driver of course, he was like an uncle to him, but it would determine— for him at least— if you were going out with him out of pity or because you actually wanted to.

You, on the other hand, had a completely different interpretation of that question.

Did Mick not want to have lunch with you without Sebastian because he didn’t want to spend time with you? Did he feel like you were too awkward? Too weird? You stopped yourself before you could spiral even more.

“I mean, do you want him to?”

“Honestly? No.” Mick hears himself say without thinking. His eyes widened a bit at the fact that he said that aloud, making you giggle. It lifts the tension a bit and the air feels freer talking to him.

“Tsk tsk, I’ll make sure to tell him that.”

“Please don’t, I’ll never hear the end of it. I just meant—” Mick pauses for a second, finding it difficult to word his thoughts.

Oh fuck it. Fuck it all. “I want it to be you, just you.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Oh.” Before Mick can regret saying anything and repeatedly apologize for the implications of what he said, you tug on his shirt a little to get him to look at you. “Me too.”

He lets out a sigh of relief, laughing a bit at himself. “Thank god, I thought I made the wrong move there.”

“God no,” you laugh out. “I’m glad you said that honestly, I thought you just hung out with me before for Sebastian.”

Mick raised his eyebrows in confusion. Was that what you’d been thinking this whole time? “I thought you were just hanging out with me because you felt bad I was alone without Seb.”

This time you both look at each other, confused. You had both gotten it completely wrong.

The absurdity of it all makes you burst out laughing, and you try to cover it up with your hand but to no avail. “I’m sorry I just— ha!— I can’t believe I’ve been reading it wrong this whole time! I even avoided you in the garages because I thought you felt awkward around me.”

“I hid whenever you were at the garage because I thought you didn’t wanna talk to me,” Mick replied bashfully, scratching the back of his neck. “In hindsight, that was pretty stupid, I suppose I wouldn’t ever know if you liked talking to me or not if I kept avoiding you.”

“Hold on, is that why Lewis always asked for extra food when I came around?”

“Yeah,” he answered, feeling embarrassed. It all felt so foolish now.

“That was stupid,” you tease. “So…what now?”

“I suppose we can just,” Mick gestures aimlessly with his hands. “Restart.”

You smile at him, liking the simplicity of the idea. After dancing around each other for a year, this is exactly what you wanted. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“What you were saying earlier, lunch? I know a good place. It’s pretty far from the track, but they have the best ramen and— hello Seb…?”

Unbeknownst to you, Sebastian had slowly inched himself closer to where you two were standing, trying to overhear your conversation. He was now stood a few meters away from you, pretending to be taking care of his bee hotel.

“You sneaky bastard!” you exclaim, slapping him on his shoulder for the second time that day. “How long have you been eavesdropping on our conversation?”

“I just got here!” Sebastian replied, trying to defend himself. He’d actually been standing there for a couple minutes, but if none of you had noticed, then it was better for him to not bring it up. “Anyway, I came to say we’re starting the event. Charles is looking for you at the Ferrari station, Y/N.”

Sebastian moves to leave, but turns back around, standing beside you. “And Mick, if it’s no bother, you could come with me and Y/N to Disneyland on Tuesday. Only if you’d like, of course.”

“We’re going to Disneyland?” You ask, but a quick glance at Sebastian's expression and you realize what he was trying to do. “Oh! Yeah, we totally planned on going to Disneyland. You should come with us.”

“Yeah! Sure, I have nothing to do anyways. And lunch on Monday, Y/N?” Mick replies. You give him a soft smile and nod in response.

Seb looks at you in confusion, “Am I part of these lunch plans?”

“No.”

“Great to know. Anyways, to the Ferrari station liebe, chop chop,” Seb retorts, putting his arm around you to pull you towards the station. As much as he wanted you and Mick to talk more, he also wanted his event to get going.

“Talk later!” you shout, being practically dragged by Sebastian. Mick laughs at the sight, waving a goodbye to you and the retired driver. He felt like he won the lottery. You might not like him the way he liked you, but this was a start. This meant that you hung around him for him.

“Was the plan you and Lewis came up with simply inviting Mick to go to Disneyland?” You ask, the second you were far away enough from Mick.

Sebastian shrugs, “Yeah, basically.”

“Oh you pricks. Thank God I didn’t rely on you two then.”

“Hey! We tried,” Seb remarked. “But we saw you two getting along without our help so we decided to leave you two to it. What did you even talk about?”

“Our shared hatred for you,” you replied with no hesitation. You look over at Sebastian with a grin, watching him roll his eyes, smiling.

“Well if that’s what it took for you two to talk, then I’d happily be the butt of your conversations.”

God. Why did he have to be so nice about it? “I’m just kidding Seb, we just cleared up some misunderstandings. Honestly we should’ve talked sooner, it was such a relief to find out I’d just been overthinking our interactions.”

“Like you do with half of all things, schatz,” Sebastian says softly, smiling at you. He was right, you did overthink too much.

“I know,” you sigh. “I’m trying to change.”

“That’s great, but you know what you should try first before that?” Seb asks with a playful look on his face. He comes to a stop in front of a bee hotel and grabs a paintbrush from beside it, putting it in your hands. “You should try participating in the event.”

“Cheeky bastard,” you mutter, grinning. You didn’t even notice you had walked all the way to the Ferrari station until then. You greet Charles, who was already there, before facing Sebastian again. “Still can’t believe you and Lewis’ plan was just Disneyland. Remind me to never trust you ever again.”

“Love you too,” Seb retorts sarcastically, grinning as he walks away to assist the other drivers. You shake your head with a smile, before facing the bee hotel again. Cheeky bastard.

Sebastian and Lewis had planned more than just Disneyland of course, they weren’t stupid. But the first phase of their plan was complete. Sebastian smiled to himself as he watched Mick talking to Lewis at the Mercedes station, ready to operate the second part of their ‘genius’ plan.

It was going to be a long, interesting week for all of them.

[anonvkirkped]

Exposing @/Kirkped.

hello everyone, i will stay anon for this callout but you may know who i am, or know my story. I dont wish to cause anything but i just want people within the fandom to know what this person has done.

TW / CW for: grooming, arguing, suicide and suicide baiting, racism, slurs, splitting.

for background info, kirkped goes by multiple within this callout, timmy and xochi. Kirkped has mental illnesses which cause them to lash out and i understand that, yet over time this was just abuse, they claimed they were trying and attempting to get better, but often lied and only got worse. Continuing to blame mental illness when i feel it is no excuse, being mentally ill does not give a right to abuse.

i have attempted to blur out all names. And give proof.

————————

starting off with something important: The racism, timmy is kirkped and has been confirmed by kirkped themselves. They lied about being black when in reality being asian. Went on for around a while. Said the N word multiple times.

—————-

Next up just general abuse:

These screenshots are from when i posted a video of me and them playing roblox, friend saw it and brought it up. Friends talked about how they were abusive and i wont stop going back, yet xochi told me to tell them it was due to their mental illness.

kirkped getting upset im busy on my birthday party, i get they need the attention but i told them before i would be busy that day.

One of xochis friends, i had blocked xochi and they told them to contact me. I didnt want to talk anymore yet they wouldnt take no for an answer.

Suicide baiting, they did this 24/7. They copied and pasted this and sent it to a bunch of people. Made me lose my mind.

Them getting upset just recently after we sadly spoke again after months, i didnt want to talk anymore due to being triggered and they exploded on me.

—-

This is just insane.

and also

Them ignoring my triggers

———

this is the first callout ive ever made, xochi has caused great pain to me and others, their relationship has caused me to dissociate, have panic attacks so bad i shut down, and get triggered and cry every time i enter the basement: where they suicide baited and made me cry and scream over call while i his from my family, it was a painful night.

i have needed professional help to recover, im still shaken up. Im still so extremely traumatized to the point of abusing drugs to force myself to forget the past. This is only a chuck of everything but im not sure what else to add. Im scared, i dont understand why they keep coming back, they keep pretending theyre fine when they need help, i dont want to cancel them. I just want them to realize they hurt others and many wish them to stay away from the internet.

please understand. Its 3 am and im very scared. I am traumatized over kirkped. I wish no one else has to go through the same, please block. I am not the only one either, i just havent gotten other views yet.

-anon.

[adaptacy]

It’s the anon with the Yearbook!Reader. Honestly surprised that was pumped out so fast with such quality, I was giggling when I read it ngl. Anyways, I am here to put forth another request for you to choose to do.

Got pretty boy Leland first.

Thinking about Leland and his S/O just relaxing in bed. Soft kisses, nice lil cuddles, some of that fluffy shi. My main point to this was called Leland pretty boy and just like, praising him. Give him all that TLC, babes deserves it.

(Could make it angst/comfort with Leland being insecure about scars he has after the Sawyer family incident, but just praising him for no reason is valid as hell)

It’d be chill if I sent several requests at the same time, yeah? I dont wanna fill up your request box, but I love your writing (Leland especially) and just have so many ideas at times. I also didn’t expect my request to be answered same day, usually takes a while, I’m willing to wait a week or two yknow.

-Kuhuahua

im- i- ik i havent been active on tumblr (ive been rping tcsm on discord <3) but i heard 1 song and it made me think of this request and then i rly wanted to write it SO here we go!

TW: aaaaaaangst with extra angst on the side.

Song recs: When You Gonna Run - Alpha Rev

He never talked about them. You understood why. Honestly, you doubted that he even spoke to his therapist about them. It's been four years. Even now, he still flinches when they're grazed, he whispers out quiet, "Not there, sweetheart," his voice tainted with a somber desperation, genuine hurt. You weren't sure if the pain was physical or emotional. Maybe both.

Four years and he still got teary-eyed if you asked about them, or referenced the incident at all. You'd learned not to, even if you did wish he would open up to you. For the first year that you were dating him you'd just assumed that he would talk about them when he was ready. But then the year came to an end. And so did the second one. And now, at 29 months with him, you'd stopped wishing. Gotten used to the shrugs and the soft sighs, the disdain in his gaze when you inquired about it.

So you didn't bring it up. But you knew he thought about it. Knew he felt it. Not talking about it was easy enough, after a while. But being close with him was hard. Physically close, that is. Every brush of your hand in the wrong spot, or a kiss on the wrong hand, touching your forehead a little to hard against the slit in his eyebrow-

29 months, and you still felt like shit for being unable to remember every single one of his scars. Every single placement- the big ones you could remember. But the small ones spanning the rest of his body, snips of horrors on his arms and the dots of regret on his torso, were impossible to map out.

He sat, watching the movie, next to you, one of his knees bent up to his chest while the other leg hung off of the couch, his chin propped up with one hand, his elbow resting on the cushioned arm of the loveseat, his other arm outstretched next to him, where his hand intertwined with yours.

The ones on his hands weren't bad. There were three on this one, tiny marks that you were surprised hadn't healed. You'd overheard the reason why; the second time you'd joined him at one of his doctor's appointments they'd mentioned him overworking himself, reopening the wounds. You wondered if they still hurt when he worked out.

Without thinking much of it, you scooted closer to him, only a few inches, and you snuck under his arm so that it hung off of your shoulder, though you refrained from leaning against him. He didn't react aside from a small squeeze of your hand. You lifted that hand and pushed a kiss to the back of it, earning his attention.

You didn't meet his eye. You didn't want to see the distant, aching hazel behind the kindness he usually showed. Didn't want to see the microscopic frown that tugged at his lips, you didn't want to see his chest rise and fall with another one of his dejected sighs. You just wanted to kiss him.

So you did, starting at the back of his hand and moving up, your mouth brushing against his arm just under another scar, your eyes closing. This time, it was you who sighed, and you took a gamble, moving your lips up and kissing the coarse patch of skin you'd avoided.

"Baby," he muttered, his voice tainted with the same sadness it held any time he was forced upon a reminder of his past. You didn't reply, nor did you stop, moving up to a different scar, this one closer to his shoulder, repeating the same for this one. A kiss, soft and lingering, before you pulled your head up and finally leaned it against his side.

"I think they're pretty."

There wasn't any reason you'd said it. Just that you'd felt it. And the words came to you, so you gifted them. Leland was quiet for a few minutes. His jaw rested against your temple, both of your heads turned towards the tv, though neither of you were really watching.

Whether he was insecure of them, or if they were still tender, or if they reminded him of the past, or, hell, all of it- they didn't change the way you saw him. Didn't change the way you loved him. You were with him to be with him, every part of him that you could manage to get a hold of. It was okay that he kept some things locked away.

You didn't understand, but you knew why. It was hard. Too difficult for him to remain cheerful when he thought about it. Too difficult to be perfect. Too difficult to feel like he was doing the right thing.

"I know you're hurt."

You couldn't stop yourself.

"I know I'm not ever gonna understand like you do. I know we're always gonna be distant. I know you don't like thinking about it."

But...

"I still love you. It was in the past. And I love you for your past, Lee. And I love you for our future, too. And- I love you right now, in the present."

He stayed quiet, though he leaned against your head a little more, his arm bringing you a bit closer.

"I think they're handsome. And... they're you, so I love them. I love every part of you. Even the scary parts, or the sad parts, or the parts you think are ugly. I love all of you."

At last, you looked up at him, just as he brought a hand to his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. His lip trembled as he looked down at you, but they trembled into a smile, a sad one, like a kicked puppy, but a smile nonetheless. You raised a hand too, cupping his jaw and brushing your thumb under his eye, which pulled a broken chuckle from him, and he sniffled, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Please, don't be," he replied, his voice cracking as he leaned into your palm, fighting to hold back. You scooted back, and he followed you, laying his head against your shoulder, a soft whine escaping him as he cried.

"I'm always gonna be here. I'm not gonna run. Not gonna leave you for your past. I- I just love you, Leland." Your arms wrapped around his neck as you held him close, resting your chin on his head as he cried, and you gently hushed him, doing your best to reassure.

He didn't often cry. Not to you. Sometimes, on his own time, or when you were pretending to be asleep, you could hear him. But he didn't want to push any of his weight onto you. Didn't want to burden you.

"I can shoulder some of it, y'know. Just cause you can lift a lot of weight doesn't mean you need to do it alone," you hummed, your words lighthearted despite being completely genuine. "I'm right here. I'm here to do it together. Here to be here- here to be yours."

You didn't expect a reply, but he gave one, weak and pained, snagging on his tears, an "I love you," short but sweet. You hugged him closer, leaning down to kiss another scar on the top of his back, and he didn't ask you not to, he didn't flinch, he just let it happen.

"You're perfect, Lee. Scars and all."

[kevinsdsy]

hi, first lucas anon from earlier here and honestly i am BAFFLED, FLABBERGASTED @ the anon reaction that my ask elicited. i wasn't expecting him to be someone's favorite character! (??) i was merely curious to why lucas showed up more in your au than, for example, cody or xavier or ananya who are in jeremy's closer friend group, so i was trying to ask without bashing him in that ask; thank you for answering ! it's clear to me now.

(re: my ask, i was merely worried that he was going to become friends with jean in the au when we haven't gotten any real closure in tsc yet! i don't find him triggering but a potential friendship w jean in any fic makes me (personally) feel wary which is also why i asked you about yours. this has nothing to do with your lovely au, and is just a general tsc fandom opinion of mine: while i wouldn't compare him to luther either or consider him a villain, i think it's disingenuous to say that he didn't play a bigger role in jean's sexual assault at the end of the book and i noticed that people wouldn't even call it sa (grayson....literally bit... him.....) when defending lucas' actions. people see that lucas isn't well-liked and assume there is no critical thinking involved whatsoever, even though it's not unreasonable for someone to feel put off by his character !)

hiii omg wait if you’re asking me why lucas was more in the au than cody, xavier and ananya i actually do have an answer for that. it’s because i’ve assigned him to shawn’s friend group– like i guess we’ve all noticed i’ve given shawn a big role even tho we know (basically) NOTHING about him so like lucas is just more interactive when it comes to shawn. assigning lucas to shawn was just easy because it’s a character name i actually remember since i keep forgetting who had smaller appearances 😭😭😭 (there are also a few interactions between shawn & jeremy + jeremy & lucas because i consider them more teammates than friends but obviously thats my own interpretation)

also i was definitely not planning on giving jean and lucas a friendship actually. i also mentioned it in the replies under your inbox, but i actually don’t think it’s appropriate for me to push the way jean handles his feelings towards lucas and especially for a social media au— i genuinely will leave that up with nora since she knows all these characters the best.

i do thank you for pointing out some of the other characters tho!! i will try to include them more <3333 (it really is harder to include so many characters than one might think tbh 😭)

and also i’m sure the other anon wasn’t feeling ill towards you and was i think lucas’ role in the situation might have sparked up a lot of discussions???? but also i havent come across them i didnt know about the luther comparison nor did i know people are saying it wasn’t sexual assault… because it definitely was.

[myntrose]

Hi!!! Its me again ✨ anon, sorry i havent been active in a while, but i have a request if you dont mind platonic nahida x reader, where reader is the reincarnation of the flower goddess and is self-aware of that, and was like "wonder how the lesser lord is doing???" and then finds out the the sages did, marches over to the sanctuary, and then has like a custody battle over nahida, which reader wins! you can add any implied or hint at character x reader, i dont mind! Anyways, how are you doing? I got back into genshin a bit ago, and now im a nahida main(she is precious bebe) -✨

✨ OMG I MISS YOU AHHH ! (i haven't done this archon quest yet, just watched streams of it lol) i hope you enjoy!

❀Flower Power!❀

ft: Nahida x platonic! gender neutral! Reader, implied Traveler x gender neutral! Reader

cn: chapter 3 archon quest spoilers, fluff, reader travels with Traveler :D, reader is very protective, i haven't actually gone this far into the quest so very out of cannon LOL, a bit shorter than other fics D:

a/n: i've been alright ✨! a lot of academic stuff, work stuff etcetc D: but i'm slowing coming back! (i tried my best to write this, i'm purposely saving up my archon quests lol)

word count: 325

song on replay: until I found you (em behihold version)

"I want you in my arms, Oh, let me hold you

After dozens of adventures with the world renowned Traveler, many would think that you've seen it all. In some cases, yes, you've gotten to see all sorts of places in Teyvat that you didn't even know existed. All these travels allowed you to meet many new people, as well as old friends from lifetimes ago. Some reuinons were, nicer than others (tea with Zhongli will always beat running away from Ei in Inazuma)

The next destination for the Traveler was Sumeru, with the goal of meeting the the dendro archon. Perhaps it was the perfect compatibility of your abilites and that of the archon of Dendro herself, but you were always closer to her than the other archons. She was kinder than most gods, and definitely smarter. Several times along the journey to Sumeru the Traveler had to make sure you were alright, with the all your excitement constantly bubbling.

While your powers weren't as strong as they were in your past life, you knew something felt of the moment you stepped into Gandharva Village. And, as per the usual, the whole visit of Sumeru was filled with adventures, commissions, and saving a whole population due to the fatui's escapades. When it came to escaping the Sabzeruz Festival, it was only then that you realized where the goddess you were looking for was.

The whole fiasco of rescuing Nahida went better than it played out in your head. When it came to saving her, you specifically requested to stay back and fight all those who locked her up in the first place. And so, once the Traveler finds Nahida, they both are met with the sights of you scolding (and threating) several sages.

Seeing the familiar white haired archon, you immediately sprint over to her and scoop her into a hug, which was lifetimes overdue.

"Lesser Lord! Archons, I've missed you so much!"

"It's really good to see you too, I hope you've been well"

[destinyc1020]

I mean in reality you cant compare twisters with uncharted where talking about two films that existed in two different contexts and time periods. Uncharted was released in a february benefiting from nwh and had no competition for a literal month. In the same way twisters benefitted from nostalgia and the 4dx format.

Also twisters literally released in the summer and was competing with inside out 2 and then deadpool vs wolverine two,billion dollar films.

In addition you gotta factor in culture, Uncharted a global gaming franchise that is played around the world vs twisters which saw alot of its success from the mid west b/c audiences have experienced twisters and could better connect with its story. Which explains why its domestic numbers is where twisters made the majority of its money.

Not to undermine uncharted success but you gotta factor in so many variables, and I havent even listed all of them 😭

The more apt comparison would be to compare uncharted to other successful movies based on gaming franchises.

Uncharted while successful but would it have gotten $400 million if it released before NWH or if it was released around top top gun who knows.

Thats the problem with box office comparisons in spins too simple a narrative and ignores all the other factors that attribute to a films success. Sorry but some of yall it seems evident have never taken a economics class b/c one of the first things you learn is how certain variables can literally change the nature of the market/ business etc.

So my point being stop comparing films to satisfy your stan wars. Both films are successful in their own right, stop with this delusional fantasy that twitter hates tom its simply not true anon. Stop with these faulty comparisons.

I totally agree Anon. 👏🏾

There are just so many factors and variables to consider when discussing box office numbers.

With that said though, a video game film (which usually don't transfer well to film) making $407 Million dollars is pretty damn great. 👍🏾 😃

We also could factor in the pandemic in there as well. Like we said, soooo many variables!

[angelicgaming1007]

So I have gotten some anon asks TW: Abuse

I am NOT Pro Ascended I am NOT Pro Spawn I am NOT Anti Ascended I am NOT Anti Spawn I'm PRO play however tf you want and live laugh love cry I'm PRO Astarion period. I'm ANTI BULLYING AND HARASSMENT I'm ANTI thought policing I'm PRO freedom of speech I'm PRO Creativity and imagination I'm ANTI Abuse To the people trying to go for my neck and going on about how Im toxic for supporting people who like playing ascended and for my Catharsis with Ascended claiming I didn't experience real trauma GFYS I have had an abusive father (Sexually and physically) and had to deal with attempted kidnappings and stalking and abuse until I was 14 from BIRTH. THE ONLY thing protecting me was one woman who was my therapist assigned by social services while I went through the courts for more than half my life. Everyone else was ready to give me to him and take me from my mother. Abusive teachers (A few good ones but most substitutes would literally lock me in a closet with the as they called it "special teacher for special kids" for my tourettes and undiagnosed at the time autism for being a distraction) I have had numerous abusive friends all of which who tried to force me into sexual situations online so THEY could earn money off of me. I have had numerous abusive friends Who dismissed and used my trauma as a weapon against me to control me PURPOSEFULLY triggering me. While trying to break down my self esteem, make me feel worthless. Force me into situations where I was uncomfortable. STALKED ME, TRIED TO FIND MY HOME TO TRACK ME DOWN. But it was still ALL online so I couldn't do sh*t against them except block them because my town doesn't take cyber harassment, cyber stalking and cyber bullying seriously. Those same friends ruined my reputation, CATFISHED PEOPLE USING MY FACE. Made fake facebook accounts and other social media accounts (Which I can't use facebook because of them because they force face verification and my face is pretty much blacklisted because of what they did with it) Put my face on AI made P*rn videos which I had to get taken down. Those same friends, Took my words out of context when I was 14 and put me on blast on their large social media platforms when I was an account a child with less than 100 followers and these friends were in the thousands. THIS GOT ME BULLIED AND TOLD TO "KYS" UNTIL I WAS 21. And it didn't stop even when I was a minor and INFORMED them I was. THESE WERE GROWN ADULTS trying to encourage and get me to take my own life because of these "friends" of mine. I had had many male "friends" all of them except ONE tried to get in my pants even when I was a minor and they were adults. OR used me as an outlet for their relationship problems which always consisted of "ugh I'm in my 30s its too late for love for me I need a girlfriend so bad" every time, and used me as a trauma dump and abused me dismissing my own issues when I went to them for help when the harassment was getting bad. OR they tried to hook me up with their friends. AND MOST of this (not all of it) happened when I was a minor and they were adults. But it also happened STILL up until 2 almost 3 years ago now. IM STILL RECOVERING FROM ABUSE.

YOU DONT GET TO TELL ME WHAT ABUSE IS. YOU DONT GET TO TELL ME I HAVENT EXPERIENCED REAL TRAUMA. YOU DONT GET TO TELL ME HOW I DEAL WITH MY TRAUMA. AND THIS is what makes people hate CERTAIN parts of the fandom.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

guess who just logged in!!! yes its me 🏁 anon!!! its like you summoned me fr. im sorry, i started my summer class and have been having to do stupid school work and i want to end it all BUT i have been seeing all the drama and am suffering being a mclaren fan now. its really embarrassing how mclaren acted over those radios, they need to get it together! who do they think they are?? ferrari ??? still so proud of the 1-2, they ate that up, and oscars win!!! it sucks that its getting overshadowed but all this mess (all mclarens fault, no blame on the drivers) but my best friend is coming to visit me this weekend and i havent seen her in forever (its been 2 months) we are planning on watching the race this weekend and im hoping that things are better this weekend. ANYWAY, how are you queen, how are you feeling about all this icky drama ?? - 🏁 anon <3

hi angel!! don’t ever apologise for being a boss and working hard <3

yeah I am one of many very embarrassed mclaren fans right now. just so… unnecessary. uncalled for. out of line. let’s hope spa is better (or else i’m going to have to evaluate my life choices lmao)

the thing that has gotten under my skin the most is the manipulation of lando and their lack of faith in him. I knew from the minute they asked that he’d give the place back, and I don’t even know the guy. he’s been a loyal teammate, always a team player, he’s been nothing but devoted to that team, and he really genuinely seems to respect oscar. he’s not going to mess that up, he never was. he was simply making a point and teaching them a lesson, which was deserved

but the way will was begging him, the way andrea was telling will what to say, all that shit about the sunday morning meetings and I know you’ll do the right thing… that was manipulative. the guilt tripping really did upset me actually, because they put lando in that position in the first place. he’s been nothing but loyal to that team and now they’re playing mind games because they made a mistake? yeah I hated it

also hated that what should have been the biggest moment of oscar’s career got overshadowed by drama that was avoidable. it’s a real shame for him honestly, but still so so happy for him

also I am so sick of this “lando didn’t spray oscar with champagne on the podium because he was bitter” narrative I am seeing all over twitter. lando didn’t spray oscar because oscar was busy holding onto the trophy for dear life while lando did his champagne pop. they were both clearly thinking about the trophies, so lando sprayed lewis instead. twitter always makes lando the bad guy, and i’m not saying he hasn’t made mistakes in the past because by god he definitely has. but he really does get hated on for breathing on that app

omg i’m so sorry for all this. think I needed to get it off my chest lmao, i’m still raging apparently

[n7punk]

I know you write for yourself but do you ever ask your homies for feedback or advice on drafts or ideas?

oh yeah. that's just growing as a writer. i dont like, send drafts or anything, but i might ask for votes on an idea, or advice on something that's not working, or just talk through it with them to get there on my own. one of my friends has beta read for other people and another is a writer herself, so they can be a good resource when im having trouble, even if it's just sending a sentence and being like what is WRONG with the grammar here someone fix me LMAO. sometimes you get advice and then immediately realize what you actually want to do and it's not the advice you were given, but if it isn't what you were going to do before you asked someone, that's still helpful! it's not something i do that often because i like to just do my own thing, but it's definitely helpful when i do.

oh, thank you! it's something i have a lot of fun with. it's not something you can really do in any medium BUT fanfiction or like, a reboot, you know? so i really like to play around with it here. It's like, all my fanfictions are dozens of parallel universes revolving around the same characters and concepts, and i like seeing all the ways i can spin those out. i also just really like putting in references to canon. i always love when people pick up on a line i referenced or something.

lol you're welcome! it was a pretty different angle i've wanted to poke at before, but usually she's too emotionally constipated to even get that far lmao. in this case, she channeled that into a coping mechanism and it worked out.

it's so funny that this dumb little story is what has elicited so much, but i think it's mostly because the responses are centered in my inbox rather than the comments this time around. like, i can check my inbox and have five messages, and then there's only one new comment on the fic. and yeah, i can guess that's because it's so horny LMAO

unrelated, but im almost done with my first draft of the last chapter, so the next chapter should be coming along fairly soon even if im going to have a busy weekend. and now, more spoiler asks beneath the cut

you get it <3 ive loved how many people have gotten it because i was a little worried with this one people would be Unhappy with the direction so im glad i havent gotten any hate anons lmao. it has been so much fun to write and explore. on the sensory front, oh boyyyyy is this girl autistic. It's directly implied in chapter four, actually, though adora isn't formally diagnosed. and muscle tees are like. catnip on butches. it was made for them so like, good taste.

ohhhhh boy. what ISNT in the scene in LMR lol. I have never had a fic outlined like i did for this one. Like half the conversations came to me while i was lying in bed trying to fall asleep or wake up and i had all of that to work with (and tame) when i went to write.

I started working on it in late december and it's been my "bedtime story" for the most part since then, so a lot of the scenes played out there, which is where Scenes usually originate from. i had a really full outline from that. i had so many scenes that i had to cut and combine some that i really liked because they were just superfluous and would have dragged it down even if they were good on their own. or i had multiple versions of one conversation that i had to pick the best fit between, or when it came time to write it i had to buck the outline even though i liked what i already had because something else was a better match.

basically all of chapter 3 is A Scene. several scenes are in 4 and 5, too. i couldn't really pull just one thing but... god no i was trying to pick one and i cant. chapters 3-5 is my answer lmao. chapter 2 is the only thing i didnt have any Scenes for, that was basically just a hole labeled [insert smut here] while i was planning it, and chapter one was finished so early on that there's not really a Scene there, but nearly everything in chapter 3 onward is a contender for The Scene.

[antiv3nom]

What is your favorite GGST ship?

hi anon, ty for the question!!! ooooooo ok this is tough, depending on what exactly the question you were asking is lmao

if youre talking gg ships in GENERAL, im a big fan of so many so its hard to pick a favorite tbh, but off the top of my head itd be sinbed (who istg i could write essays about), robovenom, and chipp/answer, altho i like so many different pairings and im sure theres some im not thinking about atm lol

but, and this is what i THINK you were asking, its different for ggst specifically. i think that honor would have to go to sol/jack-o', i find their arcs to be really sweet in strive and theyve really grown a lot on me. again, theres so much that happened within strive's story and i have yet to rewatch it so its distinctly possible im forgetting things lmao

anyways, ty again for the question!!! i havent gotten any asks in a while so this was a nice surprise :]

[spiraleyedlore]

Hi there! I just think you seem cool and wanted to maybe be an official anon and stuff 🥺 I think hypnosis is neat but it’s never really worked on me so it’s a more detached I guess? Kind of kink for me? But either way!

My pronouns are they/them!

-🖤

nice to meet you!! great to see another anon friend around, havent gotten too many in a while

[pixeljade]

Cw: transphobia

I got this anon and many others which were much worse (i didnt screencap em all bc im more of the Block and Report mentality usually) because I simply told folks to stand up for trans rights in the replies of a post about a WV bill which would ban trans people from public. Thus far I havent gotten any information on any of them getting banned; they all use coded language so of course theyre getting away with it.

I've been having trouble sleeping as a result. The last time I got harassed this much for speaking up on trans rights, it resulted in me getting doxxed on twitter, and had actual death threats sent via snail mail to my house. Some directed at me, some to my mother. I had to delete my account, lost several friends, and over 2k followers, which considering that doing freelance art is part of my income, is disastrous. I havent managed to rebuild since then.

Ive been defending Staff for years, because I wanted to believe there was at least one place online people like me could be safe, and I do understand that things are often more complicated than people make them out to be. But the fact that Predstrogen was the victim of a harassment campaign which tumblr did nothing about while jumping right to action over a jokey post not even THREATENING matt, but saying "I hope a cartoonish violent situation kills him", illustrates Tumblr's (and especially Matt's) biases more clearly than I could ever have believed. If they can extrapolate that the hammercar post is a "threat", then they can also extrapolate that the threats we receive are exactly that. They simply choose to only use this ability to look beyond exact wording for their CEO.

i think it's worth remembering that there has been a multi month long ongoing harassment campaign against various transfems on this website by now, with tumblr moderation doing barely anything about it (except banning some of us), but they're currently able to find every single post vaguely mean to matt and suspend them within an hour with no reports.

[voidplume]

blocked already but funny how this is sent on anon! funny you didnt give a blog to trace this back to so we can see just how well YOURE doing in the effort to save lives!

"moral purity" as if i havent been reblogging and posting what i can since im unable to give donations at this point in time

as if i havent been getting so many asks from victims that tumblr has literally blocked any blog actively posting about it from even SHOWING UP in my askbox anymore (ive gotten i think one or two since that big surge i had a while ago but other than that its fucking radio silence)

but no show me YOUR blog dude. show me YOUR reposts and YOUR donations

[arwainian]

Following on from the @mosswolf anon, how do YOU find such interesting things to read? :)

oh boy

okay i think for nonfiction/academic works i have the most straightforward answer which is that the starting point is usually a direct recommendation from a professor, or just directly from a syllabus, but then anytime theres a citation i find intriguing, i mark it down and at the end i check to bibliography to find whatever jumps out at me as relevant to my interests!

from here on it gets rambly. for fiction theres a multitude of strategies which boil down to developing trusted sources for finding works i know i'll like, and being willing to take some risks finding stuff outside of that:

(1) listening to friends' and family's gushing recommendations. i try to take into account our differing taste, tho many friends know my taste Very Well from my own gushing and will have very pointed and well selected recommendations. if i develop a particular craving for a type of story i'll ask around for recs

(2) i check out other works by the same authors of books i love to find anything else that looks up my alley. if i've read everything from them, i switch to looking at books that THEY like (thru their social media, or blog, or goodreads, what theyve given cover blurbs for, etc) [this is essentially the same advice as following the bibliography of nonfiction]

(3) i joined some book clubs, i've picked up stuff i never would have otherwise and even if it doesnt click i can still talk about why. this does the same thing to my brain that a literature class might except we're all peers, and you can freely admit you didnt finish the book and still be welcomed to the conversation

(4) just generally i'm willing to try things i havent heard of before if they look intriguing. i give it a fair shake (usually about 50 pages? adjust for the length of the book, or how i feel reading those pages), and then i let myself give up if i'm not feeling it. but giving it a fair shake is crucial! there are too many great and interesting books out there to read something that is boring or annoying me if i dont have a really good reason to stick it out, conversely there are too many good books i've never heard of to never take any risks

libraries are my ally in this, bc i can try a lot of things without committing to them, and i've gotten very experienced at navigating my system's catalogue to deliver books from affiliated libraries to Mine for pick up. libby is also great for ebooks. almost anytime i'm thinking about buying a book at full price, i check if its available thru my library in some way first

(5) when i go into a used bookstore i let the spirit of adventure carry me! i usually try to pick up at least one scifi or fantasy book written by a woman that i have not heard of before, ive had hits and misses but its always worth it to me

i've also recently started to buy self-published work by authors local to me, firstly to support amateur creativity, but also just to see if i like it (still developing my skills here tho...)

(6) if i'm at a bookstore and i'm unsure about wanting a book or not, i'll carry it around with me while i browse. i get a feel for it physically and if i really want to read it, genuinely works wonders on decision making. this can be sorta replicated shopping online by letting things sit in the Cart for a day or two before actually purchasing

FINALLY, after a few years of doing this, i've developed a really strong sense of my own taste(s). i know what to look for in which subgenres, by which authors and so on, which is a godsend in browsing bc i can just let my intuition carry me to victory

best of luck finding something interesting to read, anon!