#i havent done anything so bad that would warrant such a response

[shtalker]

the chain on my cross necklace broke seemingly for not much reason and im so scared its a sign God is angry with me or worse, turned His back on me as punishment

[cosmocove]

this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)

[his-country-princess]

HCP’s Guide to Safety

This post brought to you by the Disappearance of Yingying Zhang

While Yingying did NOT meet the man being tried for her murder online, he however WAS a part of the kink community/fetlife.  She accepted a ride from a stranger and has not been seen since then.  Her body has not been found but there is enough evidence that they believe she is dead and believe the man who gave her a ride murdered her.

So you’ve been chatting with someone online for a while and you have finally decided to meet but you’re nervous.  Good.  That’s a good sign!  You *should* be nervous since you truly do not know them.  Below I am going to share some of the things that I do and some of the things my friends have done to help keep ourselves safe.  Please remember do not ask someone to do something you are not willing to do in return.  Crazy people come in all genders and packages - men, just cause you are big burly guys don’t underestimate the woman you are meeting.  More than one man has been lured into being robbed or worse by a woman.

Tell Them - step one, to feel out the person, I let them know I will have a person who I will be in contact with who is not afraid to contact the police if needed.  let them know you will be giving that person as much of their info as possible to protect yourself.  if they balk at all - DO NOT MEET UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. if they have a problem with you protecting yourself, then there is a reason why they don’t want someone to know things that could make it easier to find them should something bad happen to you

Safety Person or People - have at least one or more people who is able to check in multiple times over your agreed upon meet - this person should not be afraid to contact the police if you trigger a help signal with your words OR you do not respond to check ins properly

Check In Times - when you first are about to meet the person, you should check in.  2nd check in should be 5 or 10 minutes max from that time.  then I suggest every 15 minutes and if they havent heard from you, they try to contact you and if no response after 5 or 10 minutes (whatever you agree to) they should notify police of your location and that you are potentially in danger

Public Location - always meet in a public location at a popular time - it doesnt have to be noon but don’t meet someone at 2am in a parking lot.  NEVER EVER EVER get into a vehicle with a stranger.  seriously, calling your local police or 911 is a better option. make sure you have money for a cab or Uber if necessary.  if you are at a public location, you can always ask an employee for help - if he’s creeping you out, make it known.  they usually are more than willing to escort you out the back or distract him long enough for you to leave without him noticing

Personal Items - don’t wear an outfit that may make you want to ask them to hold onto your ID/credit card/phone etc.  keep them ON YOUR PERSON at all times if possible

Basic Info - when you first arrive, take a pic together and send to your safety person.  also a pic of their car and license plate.  your license plate too & vehicle if they do not know it well enough to accurately describe any distinguishable things about it

Background Check - before meeting, try to get his basic info - full name, birthday, city he lives in, etc.  in the US, many counties and states have an online database where you can research criminal history for free! it’s better to know now that he has a domestic violence charge from 10 years ago - if it’s not a deal breaker for you, proceed with caution and ask him about it.. he may have changed since then but again, proceed with caution and decided how you want to do things based on his reaction - did he blame his partner? did he take responsibility? does he talk about how much he regrets it and what steps he has taken to change? don’t be afraid to tell the person you are going to get a background report on them - they are relatively cheap and I believe many police stations will do them as well as online.  i enjoy mentioning police.  it has scared more than one guy off - if he is scared of the police looking into him, I have no desire to meet him.. unless he has did something wrong, he shouldn’t be worried!

Location - there are plenty of location sharing apps from snapchat, to Messages+, to many more. make your location available to your safety person! if you change spots, tell them - any non notified location changes should immediately warrant a safety check in and law enforcement notification

Code Words - come up with a system that can let someone know you are in trouble without tipping the person you are meeting off if you feel you are in danger and can not get away

I have a friend who used the Letter Game - every 15 min/30 min/hour whatever agreed upon time she would ask a random question.. the I’m okay answer ALWAYS began with the same letter agreed upon, such as A - for example:

whats your favorite season? autumn

what’s your favorite color? apricot

what’s your favorite fruit? cherry

by answering cherry - it is a signal to notify police of their location and that you believe this person is in danger

Another friend did the Favorite Animal game - Her trigger word was Zebra.. every time the person checked in, they would ask her favorite animal and she would respond with a different one every time then delete previous questions and answers - if her answer was duplicated or she said Zebra - police should be notified of her location and that it was believed she was in danger.  

This can be anything!!! Be creative, and the answer should not be the same every time - if the person takes your phone to prevent you from getting help, they might send the previous answer to the person which signals it is not you or you are in need of help

Instinct - trust your gut!  if you feel uncomfortable at any point, cancel the meeting and cut contact.  if you’ve already met, let them know you don’t think you are compatible and wish them the best then leave.  if they start to follow you, find an employee or another person and let them know the situation briefly and ask for help. if this don’t work, MAKE A SCENE. yell, tell them to stop following you, start jumping around like a crazy person, do jumping jacks, do whatever you have to do to draw attention to yourself!  if they follow you as you are heading home, call 911 and head to the nearest police station.. if you see a cop, start honking and waving - again, MAKE A SCENE!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yall ive had some shit this shift...i got lectured and vaguely threatened for having to pee a lot which was coz i drink stuff thruout the day like coffee and tea which is Pee City and since ive been on deliveries steadily all day ill be gone on that for ages and have to pee when i get back as well as the other shit i do. like i was literally this afternoon joking w coworkers who are actually cool to me abt how i can be at work for hours before people who have been in the store the whole tkme will realize im even there coz im a) out on deliveries most of the time, like for real if its a busy lunch period i can be at work for 2-3 hrs and actually be in the store 10-20 min and b) when im here im moving around actually doing shit and people have always been saying how its hard to get ahold of me coz im always going around doing shit and thats another reason people dont realize im here and c) people just dont notice me so like today my freakin bad i had to pee a lot coz my only comforting routine in this place besides constant disassociation is working my way thru a drink and i happen to like both coffee and tea even tho it does make me pee and sometimes i get the coffee dumps, truth. so today since ive been in and out on deliveries the whole time and i havent been talking to anyone since none of the people who notice me were much here and since ive been moving around the store since im actually doing shit, i get yelled at for using the bathroom too much.... like i get the issue of people who give themselves Bathroom Breaks which realistically we all do but sometimes people do it too long or whatever and like yeah while im taking a shit i will check my twitter or make a shitpost or something, like we all use our phones throughout the day including the managers and im not gonna feel bad for doing that but i am not thrilled w being accused of using the bathroom needlessly when im using it coz i need to use it....and like not like i can prove im peeing every time coz i'd be glad to give you a urine sample every time but they prob dont want that.... anyways whats real good is how i was just talking the other day about how this one delivery driver who's been here forever and was just given like acknowledgement for being a good employee, i was talking w someone about how like he doesn't actually do shit, and i was like i try desperately to ignore him but now that you mention it i never see him doing anything really? and like if you ask him to do some basic shit we're Supposed to do he wont or he'll ask someone else to do it. and today he was here and when we were slow and i was like washing tables and taking dishes and making coffee I actually paid attention to him and he definitely would just like stand by the computer even tho we had no new orders and then walk to a different spot and then go back to the computer and then walk energetically somewhere else and i think a couple times i saw him carry a few dishes to the sinks. and he's fine and im doing shit and getting lectured for causing issue for not doing my work like granted this was from the same manager who once made me mad for getting on me for Slacking Off coz i was leaning on the bread slicer, which i was leaning on coz i was trying to read the order info on the computer next to it, and was also happy about because i was doing a lot of work that day more than even usual. and another driver complained about her doing that exact same thing aka complaining about Leaning when the driver had been working hard and i was like yep ive had that happen too like now i essentially cant use the bathroom because the fact that i keep myself busy means that most people, who have a tendency to not notice my presence even if i AM standing right there, legit dont know im there and nobody sees me doing any work coz they dont see me coz im doing god damn work........ im annoyed coz like i can think of maybe seven other employees who distinctly notice me and are cool with me and im cool with them, and most other employees are fine and decent to me and stuff but theres a couple people who are shitty including this one guy who just now was talking with this dude who i thought was a decent guy? and they were kind of making fun of me and i went up to the decent guy like hey i was actually right over there and totally heard you guys, coz i was not in the mood, and he just brushed me off and i was like fantastic. plus for some reason the manager who fussed at me decided to do it all formally right before i had to go on a delivery, and so i didnt get enough time to say everything on my mind about my Problems with the fact that this was occurring which i was absolutely going to do in full on account of i think its bullshit and im no longer in the mood in my general life to act like i think that kind of bs is warranted, but before i could talk about it long enough i felt like id said everything i wanted to, she was like ok u gotta go on the delivery and im like you still havent given me that $60 you forgot to cash me out and you're allowed to say what you want and i cant respond? i get that mgmt is bullshit and i had just been talkingn about how mgmt is bs a couple days ago but i just dont care for me personally i am going to answer back. and because of being abused all my life a lot of times i have an automatic response to these kind of situations where i try to speak back and the stress just naturally makes me cry and then i gotta be like sorry im crying its a physiological reflex i earned for being alive. and now that you rushed me out to make a delivery i have to be trying not to cry at work, and extend my cryish period by having to try holding it back, and also extend it on account of im still got damnt pissed about it like god knows im not one to praise myself beyond reason but im a good worker here and ironically that means people might not ever notice it and I've definitely never heard a good word from management about anything i do since i dont even know when and instead i get in trouble coz one day i have to pee, coz other days i also have to pee coz i have established one comforting habit to get through customer service bs where i get weird treatment from other coworkers at least once a day usually and sometimes dont even have a work friend around and so my fucking bad i have coffee i guess like apparently my fuckin problem is that im both quiet almost all the time and keep to myself but also sometimes joke with people or say something to them at all just to be nice coz other coworkers are quiet and dont get shit from people or are always in a less than warm mood and dont get shit about it. i close tomorrow aka there for 10-11 hrs but at least a coworker im work friends with and who has a similar demeanor is around for most of it or i swear to christ. hopefully i ever deliver to someplace with a fucking bathroom coz i guess i cant god damn use ours anymore without being monitored coz im not a good enough worker natcho like i just dont know how im supposed to have my bladder on trial and if managers are only noticing that i pee more than them and not that i do work all day and extend myself to help out when things get dicey, well then like if nobody sees it i sure dont have proof i did it other that remember that time we had a massive dinner rush and i stayed an hr past my shift and was not only the sole person taking food to the tables but also taking dishes back and washing tables and restocking junk in the dining room, no you don't remember because nobody was working beside me and so as far as everyone else knows i did nothing and so anyways too theres nothing for someone with anxiety who worries about being monitored and judged like telling me ive been monitored and judged and now i cant pee anymore, that'll teach me to give myself one nice thing thru-out the day. i also dont have anything to rely on to comfort me after something shitty at work and tragically work is most of my socialization and most of the only thing i "do" and i feel like im being treated kind of crap for the fact that i do put in effort every day to be helpful around there. like thanks that i have to bite the inside of my mouth now coz im trying not to stress / angry cry coz i have nowhere to put it. like i dont care if this manager thinks this shit is part of the job like i deal with enough shit in life right now to Not be angry about this. like boy you guys are really making it hard to think about having to leave this store when i haul off to a different area in just a bit and i honestly dont know about the fact that some people especially this one guy who is just a dick to like everybody keep saying shit comments about me coz they cant see me and im like fuck off. like im honestly sick of it and im sitting on the fact that this dude also has said racist crap ive been an audio witness too and said something racist about a coworker to her face and she told me about it like. management is part of what i'm mad at right now but if im getting narced on for the fact coffee and tea go right thru me then i think i have a complaint here whenever the next time he says some shit is like when i'm here i honestly keep to myself and try to be doing work whenever we need work done and apparently thats why im now getting shit and sorry this post exists and is so long but im real peeved and the only way to put a long rant from me about shit anywhere is to put it here