#i haven't seen these things for years i don't remember if I have a tag for this

[superbpiratesandwich]

Would you consider writing a john walker x fem!reader where she's constantly forgetting to eat food and drink water and he just kinda starts feeding her and making silure she's drinking water. And the rest of the team starts teasing them cause "well he never does that for us"

YES CUTIE, OF COURSE

tags: John Walker x fem!reader, MENTIONS OF FOOD, fainting, cursing, Bob and Yelena being dummies together 

a/n: i loved writing this! I hope you like it as well! This is my first time writing a request so any criticism is welcome! 

1.9k words 

You don't do it on purpose. No matter how many times your parents tried to tell you to ‘just eat’ it was always a struggle for you. Not because you didn't want to eat, it was difficult for you to remember to eat. The habit started when you were in high school, your parents wanted you in every extracurricular, every sport, every AP class, you were so busy, you just stopped eating.  

This was only considered a ‘problem’ when you fainted in the middle of a debate for U.S. government. You were on fire, the more you talked, the more it felt like you were absolutely crushing your opponent, but then your vision tunneled. Your words trailed off, you had to lean against the podium, your eyes fluttering as you asked for a slight recess. On your way back to the seats, you hit the ground. You haven't fainted much since that fateful day you refer to as ‘the debate of ‘08’. You do still forget to eat when you're really busy, but your body seems to have gotten used to going without food. 

John never cared to cook for people. When he was with Olivia, they would dance in the kitchen to some old Louis Armstrong music and cook together. Since they separated, he hasn't had the urge to step foot into a kitchen. Until about a year in to working with the Thunderbolts, or New Avengers, whatever bullshit Val is calling you all nowadays. He watched as the team would pick apart the pantry, eating whatever empty calories were stocked and leaving it empty. The worst perpetrator was Alexi, he’d rummage through the pantry late at night, leaving nothing to eat for the people who woke up the next day. 

So, he started just stocking the kitchen, getting fruits and vegetables for someone else to cook. He wouldn't cook the frozen chicken breasts or steak, he’d just put it in the freezer, waiting for someone else to cook it. Then the fruits went bad, the vegetables shriveled, and the chicken started to mutate into something that could be classified as a biology experiment. The worst part though, was he walked in on Bob and Yelena trying (and failing) to cook said experiment. 

“I don't get why it looks like that!” Bob had complained to Yelena as he poked the pink fleshy thing on the stove. 

“It's supposed to look like that until you cook it,” she shrugged, assuring him to just turn up the heat. 

John had walked in due to the smell of rotting flesh wafting through the air conditioning, “Holy shit who's cooking a dead body?”  

You sat at the bar, watching the pair as you scrolled on your phone, “Tweedle dee and tweedle dumbass are cooking chicken.” you laughed. 

John walked over and turned off the stove, “You two realize that chicken expired right? I got that like 8 months ago.”  

Yelena and Bob stared at each other for a minute before she spoke up, “Well Bob was hungry and there's nothing to eat!” she complained. The pair left the room as John forced them away from the stove, grumbling about being hungry. You just rolled your eyes continuing to scroll on your phone. 

John rummaged around for a few minutes before finding some boxed noodles and some sort of alfredo sauce, “You hungry?”  

You cocked an eyebrow, “Nah, I'm fine.” he starts boiling the water, glancing over at you. “You sure? I don't think I've seen you eat today.”  

“Thats not-” you paused, thinking for a moment, “I mean I had a granola bar,” you continued quietly. 

He rolled his eyes, “When?” 

You looked at him for a minute, “Last night,” you added softly.  

He didn't reply, he simply continued to prep dinner.  

After a few minutes you had moved to the communal living room couch, still scrolling on your phone as some random show played on the tv. You heard soft footsteps, then a bowl was sat on the table in front of you. When you looked up, you saw John walking back to the kitchen in silence, not acknowledging the bowl of noodles he had just set in front of you. You pick it up, looking down at the alfredo sauce-covered noodles, grabbing the fork and taking a few bites. You both sat in silence as you ate, watching the quiet show on the tv, the sounds of forks hitting the glass bowls in both of your hands filled the room.  

You didn't realize he had only made two helpings of the pasta, just enough for you and him. 

If Alexi says, “We are good team!” one more time during this mission briefing, you're going to lose your mind. Your head throbbed; it's the kind of headache where you can feel your heartbeat in your head. You rest your elbow on the table, your palm rubbing at your forehead, trying desperately to get any relief.  

You don't notice how John gets up halfway through the briefing, only to come back with two water bottles. He sets one down on the table next to you, along with a protein bar. Nobody really sees it, seeing as he slinked out the door and snuck right back in. The man could be stealthy when he wanted to be. You take a few sips of the water, leaning back in your chair, you could already feel the headache dissipating as you took a bite of the protein bar. You look over at him, he doesn't look at you, simply keeps his head forward, half listening to Bucky explain the op, mostly thinking about what he has in the kitchen to make dinner for you.  

You were rushed out the door this morning, barely zipping up your tac gear as the alarm clock blinked 2:30am. You and Ava were supposed to be heading to a stakeout, you were expected in the lobby by 2:30, but you had woken up at 2:25. You speed down the stairs nearly tripping over your feet as you make your way down to the base level.  

The floors in the tower are such that you pass by the common floor on your way down. Just as you descend the stairs to the landing, the door swings open. It's a tired-looking John, holding what looks to be a small square lunch box. “Here,” he mumbles tossing it and a water bottle to you as you pass by. You’re caught off guard, catching the items, but pausing for a moment, “Thanks.” You nod to him, he just cocks an eyebrow, his mouth curving up a little, “You’re gonna be late, crash dummy, running yourself into the ground like it's a sport.” he mumbles the last part to himself mostly. You glance at your watch 2:37 “Shit.” you take off down the stairs. 

Later, as you and Ava sit in the black truck, windows tinted so no one can see inside, you pull out the lunch box, cracking open the water bottle. You hear a soft laugh and look over, she's shaking her head. “What?” you ask furrowing your eyebrows at her. 

“Did Walker really get up at 2am to make that for you?” She snorts, looking at the sandwich and chips in the lunch box, along with a protein bar and another water bottle with a cold pack. 

“No-” you pause, thinking about the sight of John stepping out of the door with the lunch box in hand, bags under his eyes, he was probably up earlier than you were, getting that ready.  

Ava just laughs, “Bloody hell, I wish I had someone making lunches for me like a damn housewife,” you don't respond, staring at the sandwich, how the hell did he know you like strawberry jelly? 

You didn't want to rely on him to make sure you ate, but you couldn't help it. Everything he made tasted like it was straight from a restaurant, you teased him about it sometimes, “I swear you just order takeout, then put it on a plate,” you had mumbled with your mouth full. He crossed his legs on the coffee table, “Firstly,” he wiped his mouth with his thumb, “Don't talk with your mouth full and secondly, you watched me cook, dumbass.” he retorted, but you could see a slight grin on his face.  

You tried to cook on your own, stealthily going down to the common floor kitchen late at night. You found some instant mashed potatoes and a pre-cooked grilled chicken. “it's not something Walker would cook up, but whatever,” you had told yourself. Somehow, you managed to fuck that up, the chicken had this weird rubbery texture that you couldn't get past, and the mashed potato mix didn't fully dissolve, leaving you with a mushy, powdery mess that didn't even resemble mashed potatoes.  

You lean over the counter, eyes staring into the pot of mushy potato-like mess, trying to will them into something better. “Now how on God’s green earth did you manage to fuck up instant potatoes and pre-cooked chicken?” you heard John’s voice tease from the edge of the kitchen. He’s dressed in a soft-looking navy-blue shirt, the sleeves taut around his arms, grey sweatpants sitting on his hips.  

You shake your head, laughing softly, “I really don't know...” you look over at him, “Help?” 

He cocks an eyebrow, a slight grin pulling at his lips as he pushes off the wall towards you, “You’re helpless,” he huffs.  

The two of you (mostly him) move around the kitchen, grabbing random ingredients and somehow making them look edible. You notice he moves with a purpose, never just standing in one spot, until he stands next to you. You’re staring into a pot, a mixed boil of peas, corn, carrots, and sliced potatoes stare back at you. He stands still next to you, watching you watch the pot. 

He leans over until his mouth is right by your ear, “A watched pot never boils, honey,” 

You’re caught off guard, but you don't move, the nickname ‘honey’ rings in your ears like a bomb just went off. His Georgian accent slipping in at the word, he moves past you, his hand brushing against your rib cage as he moves you out of the way.  

Later, as you're sitting at the bar, John leaning on the counter across from you, Yelena walks in. She sniffs the air, “Smells good, what did you make for dinner, Chef Walker?” she smiles at him, walking to the stove. John doesn't even turn around, taking a bite of food before responding, “I didn't make you anything.” 

Yelena frowns, “How come she gets to eat the special food and the rest of us starve?”  

“Have you seen your father? I don't think any of you are close to starving. Plus,” he pauses, glancing at you before he looks back down at his plate, “The rest of you annoy the hell out of me, she... annoys me less.” he replies with a small grin.  

Yelena just grumbles something about him being a jackass and walks off, and you're left to stare at John smile down at his plate before he starts to clean the kitchen, you swear you hear him whistling as he cleans the pots and pans.  

BONUS CONTENT FOR YOU CUTIES: 

You barely drink water, opting to drink a soda or some sort of flavored drink. John knows this so he’s taken to putting a flavored water mix into a reusable cup (that he bought for you). You joke about how the ‘water fairy’ stops by every night to make sure your water bottle is full but, in all seriousness, you have opened your bedroom door only to see a full reusable water bottle standing right in front of it. 

[doodlingwren]

Ok, back to girlblogging eheh (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[astonmartinii]

big reputation part two | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x fem reader

a new season dawns but that doesn't mean we don't have a map to our buried hatchets

MASTERLIST | BUY ME A KO-FI? | PART ONE

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 3,221,783 others

charles_leclerc: ferrari has been home for as long as i can remember, even before i joined the academy, the dream of driving for ferrari gave me a purpose. i am heartbroken it hasn't worked out, but formula one is, at the end of the day, a selfish sport and i have to think about my real goal here: to win a championship. ferrari has an amazing history, but that is what it is history. in the four years i have been here i haven't seen the drive and ambition to be as ruthless and as complete as they were with michael and with kimi. therefore i have to leave. it hurts me to leave the tifosi, but know you're always in my heart and i will always hold dear your support. grazie regazzi essere ferrari ❤️

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user3: i knew it was coming but HOLY FUCK CHARLIE COME HOME

user4: tifosi lecfosi YES SIR

user5: for real i'm down for him not that clown team

yourusername: i'm proud of you charlie, i knew how much this took. but you have to put yourself first at some point. i love you

charles_leclerc: i love you too. i'm sorry i can't stop crying

yourusername: no i love that you are so passionate. it's been a long season and you're finally allowed to let it all out

charles_leclerc: can we go to a rage room?

yourusername: FUCK YEA

maxverstappen1: pretty please may i join. i have a lot of rage. call it teammate bonding?

charles_leclerc: give me a tow in bahrain quali?

maxverstappen1: fine (NO ONE SCREENSHOT THIS OR HOLD ME TO IT)

yourusername: at least this one i don't mind having to third wheel us

user6: the SHADE that's mother right there

user7: trying to stay insanely normal over the fact that max, charles and y/n are besties

pierregasly: congrats calmar, HOWEVER, i though i was your favourite third wheel 🥰

yourusername: but you bring kika ??? how can you third wheel if kika is there? DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COUNT?

charles_leclerc: thank you pear i love you brother

user8: i love how this is some super sentimental post and y/n is asking pierre if he can count i hope they never change

landonorris: max as fave third wheel ??? @alexalbon @georgerussll63 twitch quartet erasure

yourusername: womp womp

alexalbon: WOMP WOMP?

charles_leclerc: guys i'm sad about leaving my dream team where is the compassion?

georgerussell63: yeah boo hoo there are bigger things at play here I DID NOT SIT THROUGH YOUR TEN HOUR MELTDOWN ON AN APPROPRIATE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY GIFT NOT TO BE TOP THIRD WHEEL

yourusername: you fools really will argue about anything huh

landonorris: this is the sanctity of our friendship on the line here

user9: the grid was really like YOU might be sad about leave ferrari but we ain't

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,421,455 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: holibobs with sharlie

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user10: i love as soon as the season finishes charles becomes THEE instagram boyf

user11: j.peg account? no. just taking photos of y/n? YES.

charles_leclerc: i have an eye for beauty

yourusername: heheheheheheehehehehehee

alexalbon: so he can use a camera? why does he only take 0.5s of me?

yourusername: the best angle for your big ol dome

alexalbon: EXCUSE ME ?

yourusername: yeah sorry that was a bit far

alexalbon: it's like you got off the ferrari leash and now we all have to suffer

yourusername: WELP

charles_leclerc: ma belle, the only one i'll actually listen to and put sun cream on

yourusername: yes you will because we...

charles_leclerc: put spf on everyday !!

yourusername: yes! because...

charles_leclerc: we're scared of aging?

yourusername: no?

charles_leclerc: we want to be safe 👍

maxverstappen1: you guys done with the kindergarten reading lessons?

yourusername: have you seen lobster leclerc? this kind of work needed to be done

user12: lobster leclerc? goodbye, goodbye, goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky

user13: see now i'm confused cause why are some papers saying that they're breaking up? or that charles is embarrassed by the way y/n acts?

user14: bestie we've been through this DON'T TRUST THOSE HOES - TRUST THESE HOES

liked by yourusername

user15: unless i see it from the horse's mouth I WILL NEVER BELIEVE THEY'VE BROKEN UP

redbullracing

liked by yourusername, christianhorner and 882,339 others

tagged: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1

redbullracing: charles the qualifying king takes his first pole position for red bull in his first race and is joined by max for a front row lockout

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user18: UNWELL

user19: suck on that ferrari xoxo

user20: *rubs eyes* is that... max being happy to be challenged by a teammate ???

user21: winning three championships really takes the heat off huh

yourusername: THAT'S MY MAN YALL

charles_leclerc: love you baby

yourusername: love you too darling

maxverstappen1: love you three 🫶

yourusername: this is not the problem i thought we'd have when coming to red bull

maxverstappen1: my gf can't make most of the races so you WILL deal with me

user22: max being clingy to charles and y/n is so fucking funny to me

user23: sainz not making it out of q1? shwartzman only making it to q2 but still out qualifying carlos? charles looking sexy in blue? EVERY TONGUE THAT RISES AGAINST CHARLES LECLERC SHALL FALL

christianhorner: mega job boys, let's keep our eyes on tomorrow

maxverstappen1: tell them they have to let me come to dinner with them

christianhorner: isn't this the exact reason we rehired daniel

charles_leclerc: PLEASE MAKE DANIEL COME TO THE NEXT RACE

maxverstappen1: erm rude

charles_leclerc: i'm sorry i'm not used to a teammate that actually wants to be friends for real

yourusername: EXCEPT SEB WE LOVE SEB

yourusername: but for real max emilian i am monitoring the dutch papers... be very careful

user24: healthy teammate relationships (for now) ??? is this what heaven is like

user25: are you telling me that if max doesn't get the lead in the first lap he might actually HELP charles .... a certain spanish individual could never

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,778,451 others

tagged: yourusername, maxverstappen1

charles_leclerc: wow !! a 1 - 2 in our first race i couldn't be happier. this car is a dream to drive and i'm so grateful to red bull for being so welcoming. teamwork makes the dream work

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user26: tears in my eyes

user27: okay i understand both of them are like with their forever partners but lestappen is also real TWO THINGS CAN EXIST AT ONCE

yourusername: SHARLIE OMG YOU TALENTED, TALENTED KING

charles_leclerc: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

yourusername: crying sesh. sharlie's drivers room @ 8. bring your own alcohol and tissues

charles_leclerc: just to make sure everyone knows THESE ARE HAPPY TEARS

landonorris: SAP ALERT GET IT TOGETHER MAN

yourusername: i know lando no-wins ain't talking rn 🤨

charles_leclerc: you walked into that one buddy

landonorris: just because i'm friends with carlos doesn't mean you have to come after me like him ...

this comment has been deleted

yourusername: bold... real bold. you're lucky i'm doing meditation and yoga (and that i want to make a good impression on christian)

alexalbon: lando do NOT look at the text she just sent your your ego CANNOT take it

user28: no no no do spill... i need the ammo if he ever takes out my fave

user29: true i need it for the next time either of the ugly twins at ferrari open their gobs

oscarpiastri: it was brutal. they need to get y/n to host the reading challenge on drag race

yourusername: oscar knows drag race?

oscarpiastri: i might be an athlete but i'm not completely uncultured

maxverstappen1: if we're talking being cultured... GET READY FOR YOUR FIRST RED BULL PARTY

yourusername: born ready my university years singlehandedly financed your 'catering budget'

charles_leclerc: no really i think she's actually addicted to the tropical one

maxverstappen1: are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? IT WAS YOU WHO DRANK ALL OF THEM

yourusername: and what?

maxverstappen1: idk i'm still kinda scared of you

user30: the way charles deflected the questions about fred and sainz ? WE'RE FREEEEEEEEE

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc and 1,311,723 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: i wanna be your end game <3

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user32: you guys better be end game or like you're paying for my therapy

user33: i respect her dedication to go to every race, make ferrari staff tremble in fear and pull LOOKS

charles_leclerc: i want to be your first string

yourusername: what if we just called taylor up?

charles_leclerc: you know here you call her i'm nervous

yourusername: @taylorswift paris night one, lover and this is me trying ft. charles on the piano?

taylorswift: sure thing

charles_leclerc: why was that so easy?

yourusername: better get practising baby

charles_leclerc: OH GOD

user34: how did we get red bull charles and a taylor collab in one year?

user35: i guess we used up charles' good luck from the last four years SORRY CHARLES

charles_leclerc: i guess you're forgiven...

maxverstappen1: so could you like tell me what you'd call me if i hypothetically fucked charles over... i'm not gonna but like i need to mentally prepare myself to hear it

yourusername: i have faith in you so i haven't thought that far ahead

maxverstappen1: can you please not be too mean i can't take it

charles_leclerc: you wanna come to therapy with me buddy?

maxverstappen1: i think i might

yourusername: when we entered the reputation era i did not think it would lead to taking max verstappen to therapy

maxverstappen1: and taylor swift?

yourusername: ... and taylor swift

user36: this is all very cute and all but can we have mean y/n back

user37: when will yall learn that reputation is a love album and y/n and charles are just loving each other freely

user38: but mean y/n did teach someone a lesson in not spreading false rumours cause them tabloids have been QUIET

f1tea

liked by user43, user44 and 7,233 others

f1tea: carlos sainz was caught liking these tweets about charles leclerc and y/n y/ln, what do you think?

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user45: put me in the ring with carlos i am being so serious

user46: okay for a while i was on the fence about y/n and how intense she was being but like seeing this shit and realising it was probably what was being said in the garage she needed to do more

user47: for real if someone said that about my boyfriend i'd be in prison

user48: so charles and y/n were under contract to not say a word out of line about ferrari or anything to do with ferrari and this guy is out here liking this

user49: call me a conspiracy theorist but this was his public account... he meant for people to find it and wants people to know this stuff

user50: this is why he DNFed in the first race KARMA

user51: maybe this is why he's always the one with relationship issues bro clearly has no loyalty

user52: charles has never said anything about him even now and y/n only said something in retaliation

user53: fuck peace and love y/n needs to give this man hell

user54: read him for filth

user55: bro needs to keep his twitter fingers to himself and focus on not being in the wall ❤️

charles_leclerc

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 2,311,885 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: this is why we can't have nice things, darling

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user56: this is the most response we'll ever get from charles i fear

user57: allow me to elaborate: this is why we can't have nice things by taylor swift is about 'forgiving' the people who wronged you but she literally says "and here's to you because forgiveness is a nice thing to do... i can't even say it with a straight face" so basically charles doesn't forgive carlos or fred. and it specifically shouts out her family and friends and lover for sticking with her which is what charles' family, friends and y/n have done

liked by charles_leclerc

user58: thank you for service

yourusername: i'm reading what they call you lately (it says you're a race winner and a title contender)

charles_leclerc: got a taste of the celebrations and can't get enough

maxverstappen1: KEEP IT PG THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

charles_leclerc: you're older than me

yourusername: all we said were celebrations, if anything you have the dirty mind 🤨

maxverstappen1: i am usually in the room next to you, i hope this helps

charles_leclerc: our bad <3

maxverstappen1: you don't care do you?

yourusername: not really no. when we get to the same amount of wins as you maybe it'll wear off

maxverstappen1: not on my watch

user58: is this an entertaining title fight but without the bad blood?

user59: and nowhere near ferrari? bless

alexalbon: i hate that i understand all these references

yourusername: lily trained you well

lilymunhe: like a drill sergeant

yourusername: as you should

sebastianvettel: proud of you charlie, i'm glad you're not wasting your talent

charles_leclerc: i love you seb, i'm sorry it took so long

sebastianvettel: make sure you win here, we can be ferrari failures together

yourusername: *ferrari failed you

sebastianvettel: i knew there was a reason i liked you

fin.

note: SOZ. so like i am still working on requests but that radio message FUCKED ME UP. so this had to happen. glad my queen girls (max and charles) did well today, hope you enjoyed !!!

[prettycalla]

|| such small words ||

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Reader

Summary: Eddie thinks you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

Word count: 2k

Tags and warnings: Established relationship, mentions of self-esteem issues and body image issues, Eddie's a sweetheart (duh), Eddie's POV, slight angst with fluff and a happy ending.

(Honestly I wrote this for me, but hopefully other people enjoy it too! Title is from Creatures in Heaven by Glass Animals.)

Eddie Masterlist || Fic Masterlist || Taglist

Eddie's not the best for remembering things, if he's completely honest with himself. He's constantly losing his wallet, never seems to know what day it is, and loses track in conversations all the time. He thinks he'd lose his own head if it wasn't attached to his body.

And then he met you, and suddenly he's determined to remember everything. He has a calendar now, and a notebook to write to-do lists in, and post-it notes plastered all over everything.

He never wants you to feel as if you've been forgotten, and he'll go against everything he is as a person to make sure that never happens.

For one, he takes date night very seriously. Every two weeks, you make a point of doing something together - just the two of you. You alternate who makes the plans, and this time, it's Eddie's turn.

There's a band playing at the Hideout tonight. Eddie had seen them a few months back and gotten a copy of their tape after the show. He'd had it playing on the stereo one night when you were over at his place, and you'd really liked it, so he'd made the suggestion of the two of you going to see them together.

It helps that Eddie knows everyone who works there, and knows which seats are the best for acoustics (and which ones aren't completely busted from years of overzealous metalheads).

You aren't just as into the metal scene as he is, but you like a lot of the music and seem genuinely interested when he goes off on one of his (many) tangents, and honestly? That's more than good enough for him.

He's sprawled out on the couch, flipping through a magazine while he waits for you to get ready. He doesn't mind that you take so much longer than him, because really, his routine for going out is making sure that he's clean. It's not that he's lazy, he's just comfortable in how he dresses. And he knows you like him no matter what - you've told him enough times - and while sometimes he has a hard time believing it, he's learned that you don't have any reason to lie to him. He trusts you.

He checks his watch. You're running a little later than usual, so he decides to give you a few more minutes.

When you still haven't come out of your bedroom, he tosses the magazine aside and hauls himself out of the too-comfortable position he'd let himself slump into.

He stands outside your door, hesitant. He doesn't want to disturb you, but he knows how worried you get when you're running late for something.

He hears something clatter to the floor, muffled through the wood of the door. Then another thing. And another.

He takes a little breath and knocks.

"You doin' okay in there, sweetheart?" he calls.

No reply. He tries again.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

Nothing.

Deciding that whatever gets thrown at him for walking in on you half-naked will be worth it to make sure you're okay, he slowly opens the door.

"Before you throw something at me, I did knock, so-" he starts, trailing off when he sees you.

You're sitting on the floor, your head pressed to your knees as you hug your legs close to your chest. The room around you is a mess, clothes and shoes scattered everywhere, all over the floor and across your bed. Drawers lie open haphazardly, and clothes hangers lie in a heap next to your closet.

You're sitting in an oversized T-shirt, tucked into it as much as you possibly can be.

Eddie calls your name softly. You just shake your head in response, refusing to look up at him.

Not one to be deterred, he finds an empty spot on the floor next to you and sits down, crossing his legs.

“Hey,” he says gently. “What’s wrong?”

He hears a muffled little sniffle, and his eyebrows knit together in concern. He hates seeing you upset.

"Baby," he murmurs. "Talk to me."

You shake your head again, and he decides not to push you any further, just sits quietly next to you for a while. More than anything, he wants to pull you into his arms and hold you until whatever it is that's bothering you disappears. But he knows that's not what you need right now, and so he waits.

He knows you'll always talk to him when you're ready.

It takes a while, but eventually, you lift your head slightly. Your eyes are red-rimmed, your cheeks blotchy. You've been crying for a while, from the looks of it. His heart hurts just looking at you.

Eddie leans in a little closer to you. Not quite touching, but enough for him to feel the warmth radiating from you. He holds his tongue between his teeth, giving you the time you need.

"Nothing fits," you whisper hoarsely.

You gesture vaguely to the chaos scattered across the floor.

"It's all too big or too small. None of it's right."

Eddie takes a quick glance around the room, before turning his attention back to you. He wants to ask why it matters, but even he knows how that sounds.

"I just-" you start to say, before your words catch in your throat.

Your eyes are watering again.

"I just wanted to look nice for you," you whisper.

It all tumbles out of your mouth in a rush before you burst into tears, and Eddie's had enough of trying to hold himself back. His arms are immediately around you, holding you tight while you let it out.

"It's okay," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "It's okay."

You stay like that for a while, wrapped in Eddie's arms while he whispers little nothings to try and soothe you.

Eventually, your shoulders drop and you slowly slump into his hold. Your sobs quieten down to little sniffles, and only then does he risk pulling away ever so slightly to look at you.

"You mind if I say something?" he asks, still keeping his voice soft and low.

He likes to ask now when you're feeling like this. Before, he would just go off on a tangent until you were even more anxious and overwhelmed than you already were. He never meant to upset you, it just hurt him so much to see you like that, and he needed to tell you how amazing you were. He still does, the urge never leaves him. But he knows now that it only does more harm.

So he waits. And he asks.

You nod, giving him the okay.

"I know how you think about yourself," he says. "God knows I don't get it, but I know how it makes you feel."

He gently takes your face in his hands, dark eyes roaming your face. Your eyes, your nose, your mouth, every part of you is perfect to him.

You won't meet his gaze, and he knows you're embarrassed. You hate him seeing you like this.

"It's okay if you don't wanna look at me, I understand," he says. "Just listen to me, okay? I want you to know something. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it a million more times if I have to."

You shake your head slightly.

"Eddie, you don't have to-"

"I want to," he insists softly. "Aren't you always telling me I'm allowed to express how I feel?"

You reluctantly nod. He smiles at you then.

"Well then, you're gonna let me say what I have to say," he says, his tone still light and quiet.

He takes another little breath, to steady himself.

"I think you - yes, you - are the most beautiful thing in this world. And I'm not saying this "because I have to", or whatever bullshit that mean little voice in your head's gonna tell you. I'm saying it because I want to. And because it's the truth."

He gently wipes at your tears with his thumbs, not daring for one second to let you go.

"I don't care what you wear, or how your hair looks, or if you've got food all over your face, okay? Because you're fucking gorgeous, no matter what. Yes, even when you've been up all night with one of your projects. Yes, even when you're drooling all over me in your sleep."

A tiny laugh escapes you at that, and Eddie's heart feels like it's about to burst. He's so in love with you.

He hopes someday he'll find the courage to tell you.

"We don't have to go anywhere tonight, okay? We can just stay home and order some food in and, I dunno, watch The Muppets for the 800th time."

"But it's date night," you tell him worriedly.

Eddie just shrugs. "Yeah, and? I don't care what we do, so long as I'm with you."

He lightly taps your nose, making you laugh again, and God, he could easily become addicted to that sound.

You bite your lip, before you finally nod. Eddie smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"C'mon, let's get up before my old man knees start giving me shit," he jokes, holding his hand out to you.

You take it with a smile, letting Eddie lead you into the living room. He makes a big fuss out of pulling a blanket around you and setting up the VCR.

"Eddie, I can't get too comfy. I gotta clean my room, it's a mess," you tell him.

Eddie shakes his head.

"Nope, you're not going anywhere," he replies firmly. "Look, how about this? I'll go clean it up, and you can rewind the tape that I obviously just shoved back in the box the last time we watched it. Deal?"

You don't answer right away, and Eddie holds his hand out to you.

"Deal?" he asks again, insistent.

You can hardly keep the smile from your face as you shake his hand.

"Great! Won't be long, I promise," he says.

He leaves you to your task, heading back into your bedroom. It's not as bad as you seem to think - at least, compared to his mess at home. Some clothes on the floor? Please. This is a cake walk.

He might not tidy it quite the way you would, but after a couple of minutes, you can at least get into your bed without having to toss anything out of the way, and the floor's no longer a tripping hazard, so it's practically spotless in Eddie's eyes.

Thankfully, you're still in the same spot when he returns to the living room, the VCR paused and waiting. He knows how hard it is for you to relax sometimes, especially after being so vulnerable like that. It takes a lot out of you, and while he knows he can't fix it, he can at least be there and help you through it.

He shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes, climbing under the blanket with you and pulling you close to him how he likes, with his arms around your waist and your back against his chest.

"Did I keep you waiting long?" he asks, pressing a little kiss to your cheek.

You shake your head.

"Good. Hit play, I'm dying to know what happens," he says with a little squeeze to your waist.

"You know what happens," you retort, but you do as he says anyway.

You lean your head back against his chest, pulling the blanket up to your chin, as the upbeat opening music starts to play. Eddie threads his fingers through your hair, only half-focused on the movie.

He still can't believe he gets to hold you like this. That you're really with him.

He makes a promise to himself. That he's not gonna wait forever to tell you how he really feels.

You deserve to hear those three little words.

And somehow, in spite of all his worries, all his insecurities, he thinks you'll say them back.

Taglist: @punkrockmlchael @hikohyuuga @iitsmandii @medievalharlot @glassbxttless @getaapologist @fandom-princess-forevermore @robinbuckleywife @samslvrgirl @cheesesandwichsanto

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[mediocrecowboyhat]

Obvious signs, oblivious people (Charles Smith x fem!reader)

The newest member of the Van Der Linde gang has caught your interest, but you have a hard time catching onto the very obvious signals he's sending you.

Part 2

Word count: 3.2k

Tags: pre-canon, she/her pronouns, sexual tension, 18+ MDNI, wet dreams, making out in a semi-public space

How long have you been part of the gang now? A while, a few years at least. People came and went, one way or the other, but you always try to get along with them or at least be on decent terms. Rarely does a new member catch your interested in a romantic way. In fact, you don't even remember the last time that has happened.

As you try to recall it, your eyes are following the latest addition of the Van Der Linde gang. They're glued to him, watching his fingers work on those arrows of his and the way the muscles on his forearm would tense up when he tied a knot. The sight has your throat left dry and all your attention for your own task disappears into thin air.

"Who is this?", you ask Tilly, who is working next to you, scrubbing some clothes clean.

"Charles is his name, I think.", she answers after a thoughtful pause. "Dutch picked him up the other day."

No wonder you haven't seen him yet then. The last week you had been out of camp a lot, looking into a lead with Arthur and Hosea. You somehow manage to tear your gaze away from Charles and focus on your own thing, before Miss Grimshaw could whack the back of your head and throw yet another creative insult at you.

Though your silent admiration from afar doesn't stop there. Whenever you have a free minute throughout your day, you catch your eyes wandering around the many tents in hopes to catch a glimpse of him. Watching him cut wood or carry stuff around has easily become your favorite past time by now.

It's funny, the way you always keep him in your field of sight, but you have yet to speak to him. Though you already know how his voice sounds. Deep, calm and what you imagine honey would sound like. You overheard him talking to some of the members at the campfire one evening.

After an embarrassingly long time of you just pining for him from a distance, you decide to perhaps make a move. There isn't a specific outcome you're hoping to get, but at least he will know your name. If no one hasn't told him yet, that is.

It's a slow morning with most of the camp still in deep slumber and you sit down at the table he's at. With a tin cup full of steaming hot coffee in your hands, you shoot him a friendly smile before lowering yourself onto one of the chairs. Now how does one start this?

"I don't believe we have met.", you speak up, your voice sounding too high pitched and cracking up way too much for your liking. You clear your throat before giving him your name.

"Charles.", he answers curtly and nods in your direction as a greeting.

You have noticed that he's a man of few words. In the beginning you assumed he is simply shy, but then you noticed that that's not the case at all. He's just reserved, is all.

"I saw that you hunt a lot.", you say, motioning with your chin towards Pearson's food wagon. "We have never had that much fresh meat before you came."

"It's not that difficult once you get the hang out of it."

Listening to that voice of his makes something within you stir and you instinctively lean closer. A soft smile tugs at the corners of your lips and your gaze briefly falls on the knife in his hands, wondering how his fingers would feel on your skin.

After this small, but victorious interaction, you find yourself more often in his presence instead of stalking him from afar like some creep. Now your mornings consist of drinking coffee beside him at one of the tables or ontop of a log. Your conversations with him are brief at first, but soon start to become longer and more elaborate.

He tells you about his unfortunate past and how he was on his own at an alarmingly young age. In that moment you don't give it too much thought when your hand shoots forward to rest on his arm. It feels only natural to touch him and he doesn't seem to mind either.

That unknown feeling inside your chest quickly blossoms from that point on. What was an innocent interest at first has grown into something more serious and Charles isn't really doing anything to extinguish that fire inside you. Quite the contrary even.

He's always there, always around, conveniently helping you out with a variety of things. Need something from out of camp? Suddenly he has just that after coming back from a job. There's something that needs to be carried? He's already on it!

"Oh, you don't have to go out of your way. It's really not that heavy."

"No, it's not a problem."

And the girls can't stand the sight. Oh, how painful it is, having to watch the two of you be so obvious and at the same time so oblivious. It's like two fools dancing around each other to an entirely different song than the one that's playing and on top of that, you two aren't even dancing the same dance.

But you do grow closer. You take notice when he starts to touch you more. Charles is in general a person who let's his actions speak rather than his words and you holding his arm that one day, has lifted an invisible wall. Whenever your conversations turn more serious or he catches you upset, you feel his large hand on your shoulder.

It feels hot, the warmth easily seeping through the fabric of your blouse. Other times you feel the tips of his fingers brush your waist or back when he needs you to move aside. Each and everyone of his touches leaves you breathless, absolutely floored. It's like being punched by a swarm of butterflies.

During evenings and nights when you sit around the campfire with the others, Charles is right there, right next to you. The flames illuminate his features in a way that makes him look out of this world. It almost frightens you how quickly he has taken over both your mind and heart. Love is a luxury that someone in your line of work can't afford.

There are too many friends you had to bury, but you can't stop what has started a long time ago. That small snowball of feelings has turned into a mighty avalanche and is now threatening to take you down. Who are you kidding? You already are down, lost in everything that is Charles Smith.

But how will you ever know if your feelings are being reciprocated? Well, for one, Karen would love to give you a good whacking and tell you to open your damn eyes. The tall and strong outlaw clearly and obviously has a soft spot for you too!

"Think, woman! Why would he do all this?", she would ask, nearly raising her tone into a shout, because someone absolutely has to get these words into your head already.

"That's just the way he is.", you'd argue back, unable to grasp the thought of someone like him being sweet on you.

"You're dense.", Tilly would then add.

And Mary-Beth would always finish it off. "But we love you anyways."

There aren't enough fingers on your hands to count the amount of times you have had that same exact talk with the girls. As days turn into nights and nights turn into days, your relationship with Charles makes no progress and your obsession with him only grows.

Whether you're out following a lead or working around at camp, your mind always wanders to him. One would think, that at least you get a break during nighttime, but no. Even in your dreams, he haunts you and you wake up every morning yearning for more.

The scenarios in your dreams started off rather innocent. You'd be out with him, either in the woods or the prairie and you'd talk and laugh while he holds you. Nowadays they leave your body hot and your chest heaving. The mere thought of anyone finding out about it, has you wanting to summon the earth beneath you open to swallow you whole.

Right now you have these images replaying in your mind while having your morning coffee, completely unaware of the person approaching you.

"You doing good?", a voice next to you rips you out of your thoughts and you jump in your seat. Charles gives you an apologetic smile, that has you ready to defend him against any and every crime he has ever committed in his life.

"I'm fine. Just...slept weird.", you somehow manage to croak out and busy yourself by taking a sip.

The coffee has gone cold from you being so lost in thought for so long and you wrinkle your nose at the bitter taste.

"I see.", he answers, not pushing the topic much to your relief. "I'm riding out today and I thought you maybe wanted to join."

"Into town?"

"Yes."

"Of course!" The answer shoots out of you like a bullet, but if he noticed your eagerness then he doesn't show.

Instead he leaves you to your daydreams again, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze before walking off. Surely, he must he doing this on purpose? There's absolutely no way he's throwing all these bones at you without knowing the effect he has on you. With your face buried in both hands, you groan in frustration at your own incapability to act on your feelings.

Charles takes you to the nearby town that day on Taima. You're sitting behind him, arms wrapped around his waist, careful not to cross a line. Oh, but that man wants you to cross the line, longing for you to give him a signal, anything, to let him know you feel the same.

Charles, who does his best to keep a calm head amongst these outlaws. Charles, who seems to be the embodiment of self discipline. Charles, who loses himself in you all too easily, that same discipline evaporating as if it had never existed in the first place.

He gets carried away like he does during bar fights when the first thing he does is pick up a chair to chuck it into the crowd. Though, as much as he wants to take the first step, he's convinced he shouldn't. How could he ever dream of holding you, loving you with the same hands that have taken countless lives?

In his mind it's easy to think of an excuse to hold back, but then he finds himself in situations like this one where you're close to him. It feels so right to have you behind him on horseback with your arms hugging his body. How is he supposed to stay away when everything about you invites him in?

From the gleam in your eyes to the tips of your fingers, that mountain of a man catches himself getting absolutely drunk from the mere sight of you. He's on his knees for you, your shield and sword. If you'd ask him to plunge off a cliff and into the abyss, he'd happily do so if it meant seeing you satisfied.

If only you knew about all this. Then maybe you would finally act and be free of the torture that is the unknown. Once you arrive in town, you stroll around. There's nothing specific the two of you are doing or have planned, not that there's a need for it anyways. You're just happy to be alone with him, away from the rest of the gang.

You go from store to store and stop by the saloon to share a drink or two. The liquor burns as it slides down your throat and you feel the alcohol creating a familiar heat in your chest. It loosens you up a bit too, keeping you less distracted from the fact that you're out here with Charles. Speaking of, he seems to be more relaxed as well.

"We should head back soon.", he then says, shattering all hopes of advancing. His words come out casually, but there is something flickering behind his eyes.

"You're right.", you answer and watch that something in his gaze vanish.

By the time you make it back to camp, the sun has already set and it seems like the drinks are flowing in streams. You make your way to the campfire to sit with the others, unaware that Charles isn't following you. He mingles by himself with the others, but he eventually finds his way back to you. He always does.

Suddenly you're being greeted by a familiar warmth to your right and you shoot him a smile as he lowers himself next to you. There's an opened bottle in his hands and your lips curl up.

"Celebrating hard tonight?", you ask and nudge his shoulder, making him chuckle.

"I'm not drinking to celebrate.", he answers, his eyes fixed on the orange flames and the crackling wood. "Thought I could use some liquid courage."

"Liquid courage?" Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Didn't think a man as fearless as you needs that."

Then he meets your gaze and your breath hitches. The look on his face is a mix of adoration and agony and now you become all too aware of how close he actually is to you. Your thighs are pressed against each other and you feel the hot breath of his nose caress the skin of your cheeks like the fingers of a lover would.

"There are moments where I'm not entirely fearless." His voice is low and you need to concentrate in order to hear him.

"Like when?" The question sounds silly even in your oblivious ears now. It's obvious what he needs the courage for, you just want him to say it out loud and he knows that.

"Like when I'm with you."

Damned be all those people around you, keeping you from throwing yourself at him even though it's all your body is screaming for at the moment. As if something has possessed you, you lift your hand to touch his face and the quiet noise escaping his throat has you screaming internally.

"Oh, Charles.", you whisper and he takes your hand, placing a kiss in your palm.

You melt under his gaze and touch and a pleasant heat spreads in your body. It's not like the one you felt from the whisky in the saloon, but one you feel in the morning after a slumber filled with scandalous dreams. Everything around you fades away. The people, the noise.

You have no idea where this is coming from, your muscles acting on their own accord. Slowly you stand up from where your sitting and shoot him a meaningful glance, eyes full of unspoken desire. As you walk away, he stays seated, your hand sliding out of his. You make your way to the tree line and disappear behind the shrubs, the tree trunks and the darkness of the night.

Of course there is the possibility that he won't follow you and that you just made a complete and utter idiot out of yourself. But you know he will come, for wherever you go, he's right there with you. Aside from that, he's also a fool for you.

The bottle that was in his hands is now leaned against the log, forgotten and abandoned as he makes his way into the woods as well. He does his best to compose himself, but his feet are betraying him as he stumbles and rushes after you.

Next thing you know, a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around you and your back is being pushed against a tree. His lips are only inches away from yours and you smell a hint of whisky on his breath. Calm and reserved Charles, who loses his head all too quickly with just a simple look from you, is staring down at you now.

An unspoken plea lays in his expression, begging you silently to grant him what he's been yearning for all this time. In the next moment, your lips crash against his and he let's out a relieved sigh as if you've lifted a great weight off his shoulders.

His large hands roams your body, squeezing whatever he can and tugging at the thin fabric of your clothes. The trail his fingers leave, have your skin feel like it's on fire and you grab a fistful of his long, dark hair. It's soft just like you have imagined it in your dreams.

Your tongue brushes over his chapped lips and slides into his mouth. One hand of his is buried into the crook of your neck while the other is nestled onto your lower back, right above your ass. The kisses are hot, sloppy and wet as it seems like you can't get enough of each other.

Something hard brushes your stomach and your brain short circuits for a moment. Every fiber of your being is screaming for his touch and you notice how absolutely soaked your underwear is getting.

"I've been wanting this for a while now.", Charles murmurs in between kisses and you stare at him.

"Then why didn't you take me sooner?"

There is a long pause before he answers. "I didn't think I was deserving of you."

Softly, you cup his cheeks with both your hands and plant the ghost of a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Charles.", you breathe out, making him shiver. "But you have me now."

Immediately, he dips his head to capture your lips again. His hands explore more of your body, slipping under your blouse and caressing your naked skin. You arch your back under his touch and he instinctively bucks his hips into yours.

A low moan escapes your throat at the feeling and you quickly find that you crave more. If he doesn't take you right here, right now, you fear that you're going to explode. Suddenly he pulls away and you almost whine from the loss.

"What is it?", you ask, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and worry.

"I don't want this.", he answers, which might as well could have been a slap across the face. That at least would sting less.

"You don't want me?" It's embarrassing how easily your voice cracks and his eyes go wide in horror.

"No! No, I didn't mean- shit, I want you." Quickly, his hands move up to the side of your face and his thumbs brush over your cheeks. "I just don't want you out here against the tree like this. Not when any of these drunken fools could walk in on us"

Immediately you relax, relieved to hear that you just misunderstood him. The kiss Charles gives you is sweet and tender and you can't help but smile against his mouth.

"I'll find a better way.", he mumbles, leaning his forehead against yours.

"A better way?"

"I want to love you proper."

What exactly he means by that, you don't know just yet. Though something tells you that you will find out soon.

[userautumn]

Just an idea, natalia helping buck with grieving bobby

Buck texts her on a Saturday to ask if she wants to meet for coffee.

She's blindsided, of course, because they haven't spoken for over a year but she's curious so she says yes. He looks terrible when she sees him, like all of that resurrection-light that was in his eyes after he came back from the dead has up and guttered out, leaving a dark emptiness in its wake. They make small talk, catch up on life and then work. He asks about her job, and she asks about his, and doesn't really notice that he doesn't answer the question until his breath hitches when he looks somewhere over her shoulder. It's a man, older, maybe mid 50s to early 60s. He's vaguely familiar, she guesses, with one of those faces that just skirts the edge of her memory. But then he's gone into the coffeeshop and she doesn't think anything more about him. Buck, though... he's still staring at the place the man was.

She reaches out across the table and touches his hand. He visibly startles like he forgot she was there.

"Hey." She tilts her head to meet his gaze. "Not that I don't love coffee as much as the next girl, but are you okay? Seriously."

He blinks slowly, eyelashes damp. "Bobby died."

He says the name with enough gravitas and weight that she thinks she's supposed to know who that is, but she doesn't. She never spent enough time with his family to be able to commit them to memory. She knows the word died, and suddenly a whole lot of things click into place.

"Buck."

"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't—I really did want to catch up with you, but then I saw that man and he looked—he looked just like him and—"

That man. The older gentleman.

And then she remembers who Bobby is clearly, Buck's father in every way but blood. The man who raised him, and shaped him, who knew him down to the marrow and molecules and everything in between.

He's shaking underneath her hand, a fine tremor that rattles through his entire body. She wonders if he even notices how precarious the thread he's hanging on by really is, one small nudge and he'll come crashing to the ground like a puppet with cut strings.

She clears her throat and slips into work mode between one moment and the next.

"When?"

"Two weeks ago. It's been on the news."

Two weeks. Still fresh, then. He looks almost offended that she doesn't know already, which makes a sort of sense, she supposes. The 118 is famous around these parts, even for people who don't work in response. She's seen the subreddits and the tumblr pages and 118-inspired amateur porn on Twitter in the LAFD tag. Which is to say that she should know, probably. But she doesn't watch the news, she doesn't keep up with social media. She sees enough death during her day job than to want to go home and turn on the television and be greeted by another act of violent misogyny, another genocide, another war.

Even she has to turn it off sometimes.

She stares down at the table, thinking, his hand still trapped and trembling underneath hers. "You know, there's this thing people say when someone dies: I'm sorry for your loss. We always shorten it to I'm sorry and hope the idea still comes across. But I've never really liked that much. It's well-meaning until you really sit with the idea of apology, of saying I'm sorry for the inevitable."

"What do you mean?" His voice sounds painfully small.

"I mean, when we're taught to apologize as children, it's always within the context of wrongdoing. Something has gone wrong. We've hurt someone, either through accident or intent. So our ingrained response to wrongness is an apology. But that just means that, when someone dies and we say we're sorry for it, we are associating death with something bad; and something that, more importantly, could have been avoided. But that's not true.

Death is the only thing we can count on in life. No matter what journey you take to end up on death's door, whether suicide or murder or cancer, the act of dying is morally neutral. It's not a flaw. It's not a failure. It's not an accident. It's not intentional. It is one of the only naturally unfolding things in the entire world. Yes, it feels bad for those of us who are left behind. It feels horrendous, actually. But the way we frame it, with an apology and a hope that gets better, like there was something that could have changed the outcome if we'd only been a little bit smarter, done a little bit more, is a cruelty we deal to ourselves and to each other."

There's a memory knocking at the doors of her brain—her grandma's frail, cold hand in hers while her relatives and the EMTs bustled around her. Strange, fleeting hands on her small shoulders saying sorry for a loss she had nothing to do with; the fear and guilt that if she'd checked on her grandma that night instead of falling asleep on the sofa, she would have been able to spot the symptoms of the heart attack before it took her away. But those memories are best left untouched for now.

Natalia watches him carefully. "Your journey is going to look at lot different from here. Your life, all the moments you thought you would have him for, are not going to happen and you will grieve him multiple times for the rest of your life. But that's not different from anything else in life, right? You make a wrong turn and the GPS recalculates. You pursue a different career than the one you studied for and hope for the best. You move out of your home state and pray you're making the right decision. You say yes to a date with someone who will either be the best choice you've ever made or the worst. Every moment that passes, every decision we make is a course correction, a change from where we began until we get to our destination. That's all death is. Why would I, why would anyone be sorry about that?"

"But he should be here. His wife needs him here. His son and daughter need him here. I need him here." His tears do start to fall then, though he doesn't sob. He doesn't stop staring at her face, waiting, wordlessly begging her to give him answers she's not entirely sure she has. "We need him back."

Her voice is soft when she says, "But you can't have him."

It's just five words. They shouldn't hurt as deeply as they do, but they do. Every time. She's given the same version of this speech to so many people she wouldn't even begin to know how to count them all, but each time, these words steal something from someone. She watches the way they land now, each emotion rippling out across Buck's face: grief, anger, despair, loss, love, all wrapped in one, tragic image.

"Every choice Bobby made, every single one, was a course correction that led him to his destination," she says with that same soft voice. "Maybe it was too soon. Maybe it wasn't. But he's there now and you've parted ways. I told you I don't like saying I'm sorry when someone dies, but you know what I do say?" He shakes his head and she squeezes his hand and meets his gaze. "I say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. Thank you for all the times we got lost together, for all the arguments, for all the large and small ways we found each other, healed each other, rebuilt each other. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for such a unique and irreplaceable love. Because that's what it is, right? No one will ever love you the way Bobby loved you, which hurts now, but god, Buck. What a beautiful imprint to leave on someone's life."

His voice is watery and miserable, his face damp as his tears fall in earnest. He shakes his head. "I don't know how to do this."

"No one does. But we try. Every day, we try just a little bit more and eventually we stumble our way into something like healing."

"The car starts moving again."

Her mouth turns up into a small smile. Her grandmother's smile, her aunt always used to say. You're damn near the spitting image of her.

"Yeah," she says, and she's proud of the way her voice doesn't crack. "The car starts again."

Buck nods. He's silent for a long time as he wipes his face and gets his bearings. Eventually he extracts his hand from underneath hers.

"Sorry," he says after a while. "I didn't mean to get all..." he waves a hand as his voice trails off.

Natalia shrugs. "It's what I'm here for."

"I owe you another coffee, one with less emotion attached to it, but I do have to run. I promised May—Bobby's daughter—I'd help her pack her apartment." He pauses a beat. "She's moving back in with her mom."

Ah.

His face darkens with grief and Natalia lets him have his moment before she shakes her head and waves him off.

"Go do what you have to do. I'm just a phone call away. You know that."

They say their goodbyes and Natalia watches him jog to his car, then watches him pull out and continues to stare at the empty parking space for a long time. She twists the ring on her right ring finger, the gold polished and smooth, in just as good condition as it was the day her granddad proposed to her grandmother with it and lets her grief spill through her body.

This is a well-worn routine they have by now.

She breathes through the pain, through the loss and the memories until the phantom hands on her shoulders disappear and sound of the flatline fades.

In her mind, she says thank you. Thank you for the journey, Gram. It was lovely, and imagines she can hear her beautiful, warm voice saying it back.

Natalia takes a sip of coffee. Overhead, the birds chirp and sing, calling each other home.

[nothorses]

I'm starting to feel like.. i should stop looking to transfems for allyship. the way so many of them talk about and treat transmascs... i'm probably better off on my own than trying to form any kind of united front or community or whatever with them. the number of times i've seen transfems putting transmascs down lately is just.. it's ridiculous..

Trans people have been eating each other alive for a long time, and it's gonna keep happening, unfortunately. On the bright side, not everyone's like that! And lots of transmascs (and other trans folks) suck just as bad as the transfems letting you down.

The thing about it is that if you want a better trans community, you have to help make it. If you want solidarity, you have to start by offering yours. If you want the river to be clean, you need to go pick the litter out of it. I know it's hard and unpleasant a lot of the time, and it's scary because you might get hurt, but you still have to try. Being scared or tired or even hurt doesn't get you out of trying.

There are a lot of people already trying together, and a lot of them are transfem. Seek them out in every way you can. (I often reblog from them, if you need a place to start, and I think I've put some lists under my #recs tag over the years)

And don't let the seperationism get you. I'm so serious right now, we cannot under any circumstances afford to entertain seperationist ideas or feelings. Start reckoning with it if you haven't yet, and don't let yourself stop reckoning with it.

You need to remember that even the ones who are wrong about you are still more right about themselves than you could ever be, and you need to listen to what they're saying about themselves anyway. If you start tuning them all out because of what they're getting wrong about you, you will lose a massive part of the story, and your picture will always be incomplete. We can't make things better for trans people if our picture of transphobia and trans experiences is incomplete.

I'm sorry you've been hurt. You deserve better. I hope you're able to connect with folks who make it easier soon.

[btswit7]

Almost, Always (I/II)

Pairing: best friend's brother Jeon Jungkook / reader

Word count: 8.4k

Genre: mild slow burn, comfort, heartbreak, angst, comfort, 5 year age gap, romance.

Summary: She was always there—watching, admiring, loving him in quiet. Almost like a habit, almost like a dream she never wanted to wake up from. But to him, she was just his sister’s best friend. Until she wasn’t. Until he saw what he had been missing all along. But by then, was it already too late?

Tag list: @jenniebyrubies

A/n: finally! Done with it, Enjoy reading! I swear I had such a shitty time editing it. I tried to copy 8.4k words here and I have no idea why it did not get copied here and now I have to re-edit the entire thing. Fuck!

Ahh, 3hrs after posting it I realised, the very second paragraph was wrong. I was literally frustrated :")

You were Jungkook’s admirer. He was 5 years older than you. You have grown up in front of him. You were the one who gave him numerous nicknames that people around you started calling him with.

The neighborhood you lived in has many houses, the two stories house a few steps further away from yours is your best friend, Rua’s house. Jungkook is Rua’s elder brother. You and Rua have known each other since childhood and that's how long Jungkook knows you. Well, Jungkook was the reason why you met with Rua.

It's been a month, you have been living in this new place, in this new house where you are indeed bored. You haven't stepped out of the house if it isn't for your mother tagging along with you. You were an introvert and hence you barely stepped out of your house.

It was on a bright day, when you didn't have school you started playing with the toys your dad had bought for you and that's when the door to your house was knocked and soon after your mom followed the way to the main door to open it, a kid and a small girl were sitting there. The small girl was clinging to the boy's hand.

“ Hello, Ms. Lee, Mom sent these for you.” He said passing a box of cookies to your mom as a toothy smile spread on his lips.

“ That's so sweet of your mom, tell her I told her thank you. Where do you live and who is she?” You mom asked, pointing towards the girl who has her one hand wrapped around her his legs as she held onto his legs tightly. She was wearing a floral printed frock with a pink hairband, her chubby squeezable cheeks that would make you want to just squeeze them.

“ The two stories house over there, that is our house” he says pointing to the house from the front perch of your house to the said house.

“ Okay, well do you want to come in? My daughter would like to play with you both.” You mom says opening the door wider for them, that's when Jungkook sees you sitting there with your toys sprawled all around the drawing room while the tv has some rhymes playing which you have no care about as you are busy playing with your cooking set.

Jungkook enters the hall with the girl, by holding his hand.

“ Heyy! I am Jungkook” he says flashing you a smile and then nudging the girl beside him, he whispers “ Rua say what I taught you”

“ Hii I am Rua and I am 5 years old” she says as she pushes her open palm which shows she is 5 on your face.

“ Rua, you don't do that” Jungkook scolds before taking her hand down from your face as he smiles almost embarrassingly.

“ Hello, I am Lee ___ and I am 5 years old” you say smiling.

“ Uhh, Ms. Lee, Rua is my younger sister” Jungkook says, looking at your mother, answering her previous question which he forgot.

“ You are our friend now. You can also come to our house to play. We have iron man” he says to you as he forwards his hand for a sake.

“ Girls like barbie oppa, not iron man” Rua says correcting Jungkook.

“ No but we have Barbie too. Rua plays with Barbie, you can also come to play with her” Jungkook says, correcting himself.

You smile, saying, “ She is in my school?” You ask Jungkook as you remember the familiar face that you have seen in your school.

“ Uh yes, she reads in your school and I too read in your school” Jungkook says as he picks up the male barbie doll from the floor.

“ We have the same school” you say again getting busy in your miniature no flame cooking.

Soon your mom comes and places a plate full of pineapple semi-sweet cookies.

Your favourite

“ Enjoy this kids while I bring you some orange juice” a squeal leaves all of your mouths as you three busy yourself in playing and having your cookies.

After your first interaction, one after other things kept on happening, you used to go play at Jungkook's house or sometimes they used to come play at your house. Then, you got into the same school as Rua and Jungkook, you went to the school in the same bus. That's how your relationship with Rua and her brother flourished.

It was when you were thirteen and Jungkook was eighteen. Your admiration for Jungkook kept on growing. The way he was so athletic, smart and cool. That's how he was known in the school. He was not only just handsome but he was kind too.

It was a basketball match in the school between the Red house and the Blue house. Both teams are known for their high athletic skills. The Red team was of Jungkook, he was the leader competing against the blue team.

“ Rua, come fast, the seats are going to be full ” you tell as you hurry towards the ground where the match is to be held. Jungkook was known all around the school. From teachers, the staff and to students everyone knew about him and hence a reason why you were worried you won't get any seat for the match.

Spotting a seat you quickly sit as you put your sweater beside you on the seat making space for Rua.

“ Shit! ___ you are more interested to see my brother than I am” she says looking on the ground to spot her brother.

“ Just focus on the game Rua” you say now, taking out a sigh of relief as she leaves the question and focuses on the game instead.

The entire game passed by and you watched each and every move of Jungkook mesmerized. The way he puts the ball in the goal effortlessly, the way he is so confident about his work and the way the stadium echoes in praises when he wins the match. Yes, he won the match.

Boys and girls around him cheer for him. You watch as his coach pats his back and whispers something in his ear making him smile before he leaves the place. Boys and girls around him join him as they start shooting for Jungkook, amidst all those people your eyes never leave Jungkook's figure as you.

Just then, one of the girls from the cheerleader group came to the front, forwarding Jungkook a towel. The cheerleader only had a tiny short and a tight white tee. Even through the entire crowd you could visibly see Jungkook tense up, his cheeks growing red as he takes the cloth from her hand. She forwards him a bottle of water as you look at your own blue bottle with your name written on top of it by your mother so it doesn't get mixed up with others. They talk for some more time as the cheerleaders as the crowd reduces.

“ ___ let's go! It's over. Next class will start in like 5 minutes” Rua nudges you on your shoulder as she looks at her wrist watch, the copy of which you are wearing too.

That's how close you were to Rua. Wearing the same things was very common between you both.

“ Uhh.. yeah let's leave” you say as you pick up your blazer and water bottle and rush inside but when you look behind you see how Jungkook has his hand wrapped around the cheerleader’s waist as she holds onto his forearm as their mutuals take a picture for them.

And that did get you thinking the rest of the day.

It was evening when you decided to go meet Jungkook. Well, in your defence you did tell yourself that you are not going to let Jungkook know that you sneaked from your class in the name of filling a water bottle and spent an entire class along with your break just to watch him play, you won't let him get to know that right?

Well, that's how your heart convinced your mind because you were not at all able to control yourself. Your mind just kept on thinking just about Jungkook—-

“ He is so cool”

“ Does he go to the gym? His thighs are sooo strong”

“ Jungkook is soo good looking”

“ but….who was that girl?”

You find yourself asking numerous questions which lead you to feel unfocused and then you decide to go meet Rua. Well some notes will be a good escape to go to her house because your mom will definitely not allow you to go considering it's 9:30 pm already.

You ring the doorbell for Rua's house. The door is opened by her mother who welcomes you in, without any question.

You spot rua sprawled on the sofa as she watches an anime on the tv. Well, your wish is to talk to Jungkook and not to rua. So, you go forward to her.

“ What's up buddy?” You ask as you patt on her shoulder later sitting down on the sofa.

“ Nothing much, well what are you doing here now? Your mum is going to scold you” she says as she sits straight on the sofa.

“ Actually I just had to talk to kook. I felt stuck in this sum. Where is he?” you ask looking around when you don't notice him.

“ He is in his room. You can go meet him” she says pointing towards the corridor which connects his room to the drawing hall.

Not like you don't know where his room is.

You knock on the door of his room thrice but hear nothing. You knock again but still no response but rua confirmed he was in his room. You quietly opened the door and peeked in, there he was by the large window looking out with wired headphones in his ear.

He looks ethereal.

The way the wind moves his soft luscious bangs with itself as his soft pink lips stay parted. His skin glowing under the moonlight. His face being the only thing glowing as the dark room, his black clothes and the night outside combines to form complete blackness.

You get in the room and place your notebook on the table beside the door. You quietly walk in and patt on Jungkook’s back. His plain eyebrows form a frown as he opens his eyes looking the way from where his shoulder was patted. There he spots you and soon he smiles taking out his earphone.

“ Hii ___” he says.

“ Hii kook” you say as you stand beside him. Now the wind makes your hair flow with his.

“ What are you doing here now? It's so late” he says, checking the time on his phone.

“ Uh.. I am here to… uh yeah congratulate you on your win” you say proudly, your eyes shining from the thrill of match that you watched a couple of hours ago.

“ I am proud of you kook! You did so well. The way you hit the ball in the last few seconds and it went exactly was just unreal! No wonder everyone was so amazed by your moves. The way each and every move of yours looks effortless but it just tells how much hard work you put in Mastering it. Just amazing, kook” you finally finished now looking at him.

“Wait, so you watched the entire match?” he guesses as a small smirk plays on his lips.

As soon as you hear his question your eyes widen realising you spoke way more than you should have.

Just great.

You hesitate later trying to mask it up, “ I didn't watch… I hear–”

“ Liar” he says as he leans forward slightly looking intently in your eyes, “ you do have this habit of blinking your eyes when you lie”

You look away as blush creeps up on your cheeks, he then slightly pinches your cheeks not knowing what this small act of his has done to you.

You both stay quiet for a while, enjoying the peace and the closeness of the moment while adding this entire moment to your memory lane with Jungkook.

“ But next time, don't skip your class to watch matches,” he says. You nod vigorously to his statement.

You try not to say this but you still end up saying, “ kook, who was that last girl who came to give you water?”

He frowns first thinking who you are talking about then he remembered, “ ah she is mia. She is a cheerleader and my classmate”

You nod while he continues, “ she is a nice girl, kind and sweet. It's fun to be in her company”

“ Oh, that's great” you say as you play with your fingers, suddenly finding the floor much more interesting you further add, “ okay I think I should go.. uh it's late” you take a few steps back but Jungkook holds your hand slightly stopping you.

“ But you just came here,” he says, frowning.

“ Mom, asked me to come fast. I just came to congratulate you on your win which I did now I should leave” you say forcing out a smile.

“ Okay, I'll walk you home” he says as he starts to keep his phone and headphones.

“ kook, I can manage it's not fa–”

“ I am not asking for permission, I am just letting you know that” he says as he walks out of the room and soon you follow not forgetting to take your notebook.

As you both walk side by side, you feel the soft wind causing you to chill, yes that's what winters do to you. It's your fault for not taking your sweater with you when you walked out of the house.

Jungkook is right beside you, you can feel his soft vanilla smell as warmth from his body radiates. You take a glance at his and then the thought of that girl with Jungkook crosses your mind.

He does think she is beautiful, did he ever think I am beautiful too? You find yourself questioning your own self as you both walk side by side.

“____, is something wrong? You are never this quiet” he asks, narrowing his eyes.

“ Nah, nothing's wrong” I say smiling as you stand when you reach your front door.

“ If you say so. Good night, ___” he says ruffling your hair making you smile more.

“ Good night kook” you say as you make a run towards your door.

Jungkook waits for you to get in as he waves his hand in the air which you reciprocate while getting in your house.

It was when you were, fifteen years old and he was twenty years old. Your whole family decided to have a small party at a restaurant where Jungkook's entire family and another family of your dad's friend was present.

Initially, it wasn't your parents plan to celebrate your birthday but an end moment thing.

You were done cutting the cake and a series of thank you left your lips when you received your birthday presents. The food arrived and after having the food and dessert, your and Jungkook's family came in your respective cars. Both of your family reach at the same time.

Your dad is busy in the garage parking the car, you are on your way to carry your big boxes of gifts in your house when you get called.

“ Uh yes kook?” You ask when you notice Jungkook standing right behind you, both his hands behind his back.

“ Uh.. I just have a gift for you” he says as he forwards the small box towards you. You slowly place the boxes of gifts you are carrying down with some assistance from Jungkook.

Your eyes light up as you hold the box in your palms, you hurry to open it and a gasp leaves your mouth when you notice the beautiful bracelet. It shines under the moonlight.

“ Let me help you” he says as he carefully takes the bracelet out from the box. Taking the lead, he makes you wear it.

“ This just looks perfect, thank you!” You exclaim as you go for a hug. He hugs you back.

“ Okay then, go and sleep. You are growing up too fast” he says as he again ruffles your hair.

“ Good night kook” you say as you again pick up the gift boxes with his help and walk towards your home but your mind is completely hazy with his thoughts. Jungkook did care enough to bring you a bracelet.

‘ you have no idea what you do to me,’ you think as your focused eyes on the bracelet slowly close from exhaustion.

It's his birthday.

Yes it's Jungkook's twenty third birthday and you can't help but feel excited. His Parents have decided to hold a small gathering with his friends. In which you are definitely invited.

It's 5 pm in the evening, you pull out your new dress from the wardrobe. Well, you kept this dress untouched for an important occasion and what can be more of an important occasion than his birthday.

The knee length dress fits you perfectly, hugging your curves just perfectly. The soft not only feels comfortable on your skin but it also makes your skin glow.

You never considered yourself breathtaking— but today when you look at your reflection you admit that you look beautiful, so beautiful.

You are finally done getting ready, you look at the wall clock in your bedroom, it reads 7 pm. Oh shit! You didn't just spend two hours getting dressed. Well that's how you felt because it's his birthday today. It's time for you to leave or you will miss the cake cutting ceremony when you will reach. And no way you want to miss that!

You look around yourself and pick up the gift bag from your bedside table. The gift holds so much significance for you. Jungkook will love it.

You feel nervous as you get out of your house to work in the direction of Rua’s house. The cool September wind blowing did no favour to calm your pulsating heart down instead your mind kept on making the worst possible scenarios. You feel agitated when you think that you have a big thing to do today. You have to confess to him today.

You will do it right?

What if Jungkook doesn't like the dress? What if he doesn't like the present you have for him? What if you are too late and he is already done with the cake cutting ceremony? You are going to look so dumb then.

You almost throw your head back to feel sad if something like that happens.

You swallow to help yourself calm down. You are going to do it— tell him how you feel about your relationship with Jungkook. Soon, Jungkook's house came to your view as you exhaled a sigh trying to calm your heart down.

The door to Jungkook’s house is already open as loud music comes from the inside. It seems everyone is there already. You exhale one last time mustering a small– you can do it.

You step inside as the smell of expensive cologne and beer hits your nostrils. Well, it is well known to you that Jungkook has some rich friends.

Soon, you feel a tap on your shoulder as you look behind to find Rua.

“ Hello, pretty” she says as she comes close to admiring more of you.

“ Hello gorgeous,” you say smiling.

“ Gosh, are you trying to make every guy lose their mind at this party tonight? Cause you are definitely taking all the attention” she says with a nudge on your shoulder.

“ Shut up. These heels hurt!” You complain looking at your heels.

“ Awh, well you are at the right time. Oppa will be coming anytime with his friends” she says looking at the main gate.

Soon enough many guys and girls enter the house. Some faces recogniseable to you but mostly new faces. At last Jungkook enters looking handsome as ever but beside him is a girl you have seen many times before, holding onto his arms as if she belongs there. The cheerleader.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you notice how beautiful the girl beside him looks. The long white gown that fits her perfectly in all the right places. She looks pretty.

No.

She is pretty.

The party keeps going, people drinking and dancing all around the house. The cake cutting ceremony was also over. Jungkook did feed you the second bite but you saw how he held the other girl close from the small of her back and fed her later taking the rest of the cake in his mouth. His friends around him clap and hoot for him as he takes bites from other pieces.

“ Gosh ___, let's sit somewhere I feel tired,” Rua says, pulling you to the nearest couch with her. You look around yourself and find Jungkook with his group of friends. Jungkook steps aside as his eyes fall on you making your eyes widen. Shit you weren't planning to get caught.

“ Wait, I'll be back with a bottle of water” she says as she stands up to leave but you stay seated there. Soon you feel the couch beside you dip with someone's weight so you look beside you just to find a guy. His hands rest on the headrest beside you head as the swirls the beer in your hand and asks, “ hey girl! What's your name?” He asks leaning towards you as he smells of booze and the same rich cologne.

A thick silver chain dangles in his neck as his dark black eyes roam on your face and collarbone making you nervous. Your eyes stay focused on him as you gulp later whisper out your name.

“ sorry couldn't hear you” he says getting further closer to you as he shifts towards you. You feel uncomfortable, you want to push him away but you feel small in his presence.

“ Okay, chill, have this beer. I am not here to eat you until you would like—” he says as he forcefully makes you hold onto his beer glass. The glass feels colder in your hands.

“ No, I don't drink..I—” you say trying to leave the glass.

“ Come on sweetheart, you don't look underage” the guy beside you says as he smirks at you, his wrong intentions clear to you.

Suddenly, the glass is pulled out of your hands as Jungkook throws the beer on his face.

“ Enough Mike” he says as he clenches his jaw.

“ What's wrong with you dude?” He says as he stands up dusting his clothes as if the soaked beer on his clothes will fall down. You too stand beside him.

“ Leave before I push you out” he says as he points towards the door.

“ Kook, let it—” you flinch hearing Jungkook's sudden outburst.

“ I said LEAVE” he says harshly making Mike grit his teeth as he angrily looks at you before stomping out of the house.

Jungkook looks at you as his eyes are fierce, making you feel small as you play with your fingers while looking down, “ ___, I am really sorry for what happened. I will teach him a good lesson tomorrow when he is sober” he says as he gets furious, his eyes not meeting yours in shame.

“ Kook, it's alright. Uh… I am fine now” you say looking at his eyes. He exhales a sigh of relief as he holds your hand.

“ Tell me what can I do for you, miss? Would you like a drink, wait… apple juice, that's your favourite” he says as he walks towards the fridge, while holding your hand as you walk behind him. Your eyes never leave his figure.

Yes this is the guy you like, the same guy you will confess today.

Taking out a bottle of apple juice as he pores some for you and himself in a glass.

“Here you go, miss,” he says, forwarding a glass to you. Your heart goes frenzy when his long slender fingers brush against your warm hands but to Jungkook it was nothing. He looks at you as you sip on the glass.

“ By the way, I like your new style though. You are a big girl now” he says as he pats your head, he squints his eyes as he smiles. A shy smile forms on your face as you look at your drink.

So he did notice how your usual hoodie sweatpants style is now changed to some beautiful knee length dress. Your usual braided long hair is open and easily flows with the air. Your sneakers or flats changed to heels. High heels. Your moisturized face now has make up applied and that he likes your style.

“ And uh you look handsome too” you say as pink dust forms on your face. You feel so comfortable around Jungkook. Like you never feel with anyone. In his company, you don't mind being highly drunk to the point you are not even able to walk. You know for a matter of fact he will take you home safe and sound. You know Jungkook so well, you admire him for the kindness he shows, how loyal he is and how amazing of a person he truly is.

Jungkook comes to stand beside you as he dips on his drink while you steal glances of him. The cold apple juice in your hand long forgotten as the thing that is causing a burning flame in your body is in your sight aka Jeon Jungkook.

His hair is not gelled like before, the effect of gel loose on him as the party has been going for hours. The first few buttons of his shirt open giving a view of his milky chest to you. You have seen clips of him working out in the gym, you know what can be the possible reaction of your body if you get to see below that: death. His black trousers are tight around his strong thighs that he must put so much effort on for them to look so good just from the view.

“ Is there something wrong?” he asks as he catches you staring at him, completely lost on how handsome he looks just by standing there.

“ Uh no.. nothing” deeper shades of crimson paint your cheeks as you manage to say your words to him.

Shit____, you leave no chance to get yourself embarrassed.

“ Uh, I was thinking of being with you till the party ends. I really never thought that bastard would pull up such moves. It's shameful that happened” he says as he looks into oblivion sipping on the apple juice.

“ Kook, that's not shameful. It's not like it's your faul—” you are interrupted midway when Jungkook gets hugged by the cheerleader girl.

“ koookiieee… let's go danceeee!! Our friends are waiting for usss” she says as she hugs him tighter, hiding her face in his back.

“ Eden, not right now.. I have some—” now this time he is interrupted by the cheerleader.

“ Ohh what are you having!?” She almost shouts in her high pitched voice as she takes the glass from his hands and takes the smallest sip she could.

“ Ahhh… apple juice? Really kookieee, you..you are ummm 23. We should have beerrr, kookie” she says as she slams the apple juice on the table, spilling some on the table in the process.

“ Jungkook bro, let's go” another of Jungkook's friends comes as he throws his hand around his shoulder. He is as drunk as maya (?).

“ Guys, chill ou—” this time he is interrupted by you.

Well, the interruption game is going well.

You get down from the stool as you speak “ Uh kook, just go and enjoy. It's completely fine here” you say soon rua joins you with a mojito in her hands.

“ What happened?” She asks as she stands beside you taking a sip of your apple juice, later making a disgusted face when she spots the two blitzed people are making her strong brother their standing pillar.

“ Nothing” you whisper to Rua as you speak to Jungkook, “ kook, you can go. Rua is here now” you say, holding her arms as if showing your most prized trophy to him.

“ Rua take care of her and yourself too. I'll be around” he says as he takes those clingy people with him.

“ Well, what happened?” She asks you as you both are alone now.

“ You tell me what happened? Were you doing some chemical reaction of hydrogen and oxygen to make water or you went there to bring water?” You ask because she was gone for way too long to just bring water.

“ You know there was this really cute guy, so he made me a mojito,” she says as a shade of crimson takes over her face.

“ You just spill the tea” you say as you both make your way towards the living room couch.

“ Okay cool, but first have this mojito. It's so tasty” she says, forwarding you the glass as a shy smile forms on her face.

—--------

The party goes on for another hour, and you talk to some more of Jungkook's friends. You look around trying to spot Jungkook and unfortunately from the couch in the drawing room you can't find him anywhere.

He is not standing in the same place where his friends took him. Rua is right beside you, “ ___, I am so sleepy” you hear her whine as she throws her head back on the armrest of the sofa. You look at the clock 11: 27 it reads.

“ Ah, okay let me just give my gift to kook,” you say standing up as she too stands up with you.

“ Not like I live a few kilometres away. I'll go by myself” you say.

“ You sure?” She asks, confirming as she slightly opens her eyes.

“ Yeah sure” you say, finally walking out of her room.

“ Message me after reaching home” she shouts back while you shoot back a loud approval to her.

—---

Now your task is to look for Jungkook, call him to his room and give him the gift alone. Yes, alone. You have waited the entire time just because you had to give him the gift alone. You can't confess your love to him in front of so many people.

As your heart thumbs in your chest with every step you take for your search for Jungkook. You look around cautiously as you pass the stage where intoxicated peers are still dancing to those high bass songs but as your eye scans through them, you nowhere find Jungkook among them.

You know for a matter of fact that Jungkook ain't between them or it would not even take you a minute of looking at him to know it's him, yes that's how much you know Jungkook.

As you look to your left towards the sitting area in the living room you don't find Jungkook there either.

“ Where is he?” You find yourself murmuring as you look to your right towards the kitchen. Well, the kitchen is empty with a few empty beer cans lying on the kitchen island. Well, true that who will be at the kitchen definitely you weren't expecting some drunk dudes to be cooking some meal.

Shut up, ___!

You now turn your head towards your front, there's just one light that lights that place. You slightly squint your eyes as you see a couple in the far end.

The male is pressed against the wall as the female has her back attached to the male's front. She throws her head on his shoulder as she is held securely in his arms.

Why does their dress match with the dress of Jungkook and mika(?).

Your heart shatters into pieces when you see the male lean as the girl tilts her face and before you can even think, they press their lips against each other.

The male is none other than the guy you were about to propose that day, the birthday boy aka Jeon Jungkook with the cheerleader.

You hear your heart break as if a glass breaks when it falls from a height. Your grip on the gift bag tightens to the point your nails dig in your own palm. Your hand feels cold but your whole body is hot, as if on fire.

You don't know how to react as tears unknowingly fall from your eyes. Your breath quickens as the realisation of what's happening in front of you dawns upon you. Your feet move on their own and rush to the first room that your eyes fall on. You close the door shut as you press your back on the door as a loud cry leaves past your lips.

You… just now witnessed Jungkook kissing…

… Kissing the cheerleader.

Your brain doesn't form proper sentences anymore as the scene of them being so close, them kissing keeps playing on loop in your mind. She indeed fits perfectly for him.

More and more tears fall from your eyes as some time passes by you standing in the same spot. As you finally get back to your senses or that your little crying session makes you feel better the realisation of you standing in his room hits you.

You take a few steps forward to confirm if it's his room. It's his room. Very little gym equipment was kept at one corner of the room. The black interior of his room and the neat and clean sheets remind you of the many times you have come to his room. And especially the smell, the minty yet soft smell the room speaks volumes of it being Jungkook's.

You gulp and try to breathe. It's too much for you. You were about to confess your feelings to him today. Well, reality had its own plan. You look at the crumbled gift bag in your hand which till now you were holding with all your strength as if your life depended on it. You slowly loosen up your hold only to witness some blood oozing out of your palm, patches of red on the gift bags handle.

You need to leave because it feels suffocating. You can't do this. You can't be in his room and be reminded of him and at this moment being reminded of him means being reminded of the scene you witnessed minutes ago. Your brain chants you should leave. Yes, you should.

You drop the bag at the bedside table where his favourite lavender scented candles, a mini bottle of his favourite cologne and most importantly a group photo of his family is kept, he is a loyal guy. You know it very well. You quietly and carefully place the bag over there. You leave no note nor an explanation of who gave him this gift.

You just turn away. Turn away to leave. Turn away so you can be away from his thoughts. Turn away so you don't end up sleeping in his bed, you want to be close to him. You just want to be held. Held by him. But how can he hold another girl who apparently has some deep rooted feelings for him, when he himself has a girlfriend.

Girlfriend, the word just settles in your brain without you even acknowledging. They must be dating for them to be kissing that way. They must be dating for her to be so close to him. They must be dating because Jungkook has known her for so long. And they must be loving in silence.

You walk away from his house. The loud noise of the party has long long been forgotten, just a lifeless body walking out of the house. You quietly enter the house. You don't want anyone to see you like this, broken. You don't care to pick up any call from Rua, no matter how many times she calls. Neither you change your clothes nor you wipe your already ugly makeup.

You just sleep.

—------

It's been almost 15 days since that incident. The next day after his birthday, Rua came to check up on you but you didn't open the door when your mom and Rua were banging on it. You lied about being sick.

Well, your heart was sick. No, it was broken into a million tiny pieces.

You haven't been to Rua's house even once in fifteen days. Well, this is unbelievable to anyone. In your 18 years of life, it hasn't been that you have not visited Rua's house even once in that long. Apart from the many reasons for meeting rua for gossiping, helping each other in academics, your main reason was Jungkook.

To meet him indirectly, know about his whereabouts, sometimes play games with him or just to get a glance from him. To look at him just to bless your eyes with his ethereal beauty.

He is majestic.

You sit on the bench of the empty park. It's past 9pm when you got out of your house, you felt stuck so going for a walk felt like a better option. Well, it was if it wasn't for the sudden interruption of a very known someone who decided to just sit beside you on the bench.

You know very well who he is.

The bench shakes a little as your trace breaks, your entire form getting tensed up.

But you don't look his way, maybe just to show that you didn't know it was him sitting beside you, but you knew it was him.

“ Rua has been missing you for a while, why don't you come home?” He asks with his hands in his pockets, the wind chill as if telling winters aren't far.

“ Finals” you say after another minute of silence. You straighten your posture as you look straight, your own hands now inside the pockets of your jacket, you continue, “ I have to study. Finals are looking”

He stays silent. You know he wants to say something. The way he fucks his head down, you know he wants to say something but he stops himself. A few more minutes pass and the urge for you to get up and leave for your house intensifies.

Another wish that intensifies is the will to look at his face, get drowned in his eyes and to be washed in his warmth. You grit your teeth.

Stupid,

You are fucking stupid.

He is not yours. your heart screams.

You suddenly stand up as you say, “ gotta go. Mom must be waiting” wasting no more time you start walking towards your house.

You walk a few steps and that's when you are stopped by him. The way your name just slips his tongue. You could die to just hear him once more. You need to hear him once more. You stop dead in your tracks and he walks closer to you.

“ You are lying. It's not your finals” he says walking closer to you as he now stands in front of you.

“ Then, what is it?” You almost snap but not even once you look in his eyes, you just can't.

“ Is it because of mike? I don't want to brag, but I literally had a fight with him the other day” he says as his eyes fall on his right hand’s knuckles. There are some faint marks which you do take a glimpse of by slightly tilting your head in that direction.

‘So he had a fight with one of his friends for you..? Does he perhaps like you?’ heart asks.

‘fuck ___, shut up. He. Has. A. Girlfriend,’ your brain chants.

You again feel the pain of the same intensity when you say the word girlfriend for him. It isn't just this time, this ain't new to you. The pain ain't new to you.

“ I told you the truth now it's upon you if you believe it or not” you say as you try to walk past him only to be stopped as he grasps your wrist stopping you in your tracks, just beside him. He sighs again.

“ You know that you have us right. Why don't you talk things out with us? You have me, rua and all of us. If anything is bothering you, I am more than ready to help you out” he says as he looks at your side profile now making you somewhat conscious of how you are looking.

You want to tell him the thing that is bothering you. He. He is bothering you. His thoughts are bothering you. He has a girlfriend that is bothering you. Your unsaid confession is bothering you. And that you love him that too is bothering you.

“ If there would be something, I would tell you” you say as your voice somewhat softens.

“As you should” says.

He did it again, his long hands, slender fingers getting through your hair as he ruffled them, like he always does. But this time it just feels as if the time has stopped. You don't realise when you close your eyes. He is still there, holding your wrist. You open your eyes as you say.

“ Leave..” your voice betrays you coming much more weak.

“Huh?” He asks, confused.

“ Uh.. leave my hand, I got to go home” you say your heart is burning. As soon as he leaves your hands you make a beeline to your house. You can't stand there when he has again made a spark at your chest. You are quick to get in your house and try your best to busy yourself with something just so you don't think about him. Well only if that was even possible.

—-----

Your finals are over nearly a month ago. It was after another month with your last interaction with Jungkook that Rua barged in your house angry, angry that you no longer want to keep your friendship with her and that is the reason you are not going to her house or meeting her often like you used to.

Your mother did scold you later as she saw how rua was bawling her eyes out. Your mother did have a valid reason to scold you. Your screen time has increased a lot. All you do in your free time is to go through those one minute videos and don't even realise when hours have been spent on it.

Regardless of everything, the reason you are visiting rua today is something big. You have no idea how you are going to talk things out to rua or how she might react.

You knock at her door only to be welcomed by rua herself. She moves aside making way for you to get in. There's a sweet aroma in the house.

“ Well, you came at the right time. I was baking cake and was about to call you. I got stuck” she says throwing her head back in defeat, her hands covered in flour as a chuckle leaves your mouth at her condition.

“ Okay, lemme see what you did” you say moving to the kitchen. The rest of the procedure was done by you but rua was actively taking part in it by helping you as much as she could.

“ Woahhhh” she groans, throwing her head back, “ this is the tastiest cake I have ever had, because I have contributed to making it” oh how dramatic she is.

“ Right, contributed” you say as you force a smile at her face just to tease her to which she rolls her eyes. You cut yourself a slice from the cake, taking a bite from the slice and nod your head, “ it indeed is tasty”

“ Phenomenal it is” you hear as she takes another bite now focusing on the tv.

“ Well, what is phenomenal? Let me know too” Jungkook comes out of his room as he walks towards you on the couch. You don't look his way instantly, well you almost stop yourself from turning towards him.

“ The cake, it's just too good” she says as she again focuses on the drama playing on the tv.

“ Feed me too” he says as he comes to stand in front of you but he is just in his sweatpants. His chest right in front of your eyesight. You didn't want to but you unknowingly did roam your eyes on his sweat covered body. He looks ethereal. Well he always does.

You forward the spoon and your plate in this direction for him to have it. But he doesn't take it.

“ Feed me please, my hands are dirty” shit shit shit. You feel yourself stiffening hearing his plea. He requested you to feed him and not his sister. He places his hands on his knee as he bends forwards.

You do as he said, your actions slow. The cake is hot and so is Jungkook. So you blow onto the cake later forwarding the spoon to him. He takes the bite as your other hand unknowingly goes under his chin so the cake crumbs don't fall onto the floor.

The hums of satisfaction that leaves his throat tells you he liked it.

“ One more spoon please” you feed him again in the same way.

“ One more” you do.

“ One more”

“ Ugh! Let her eat. We’ll keep some for you” she says, stopping her brother.

“ Okay guys keep some for me” he says as he forwards you an apologetic smile when you glance at him.

Everything is done. Now, you should focus on the thing you are here to do. Rua is right beside you. You tell her everything in one go, a gasp leaves her throat as tears stream down her face. The last things she said was “ I want to be alone” before she left you on the couch and rushed to her face. She didn't stop even after your countless shouts. Rua is sensitive, this reaction was somewhat expected.

But, you can't leave her crying like that. Her parents are at work. The only person left is Jungkook. You don't want to be informed about this but you'll have to. It's been a long time since you have had any direct talk with him like you sometimes used to have.

You knock at his door and enter inside hearing a ‘come in’. You get in just to find the room empty. There he comes fixing his shirt, seems like just took a shower, his hair wet.

“ Kook” you say. There's a pause in his movement before he looks in your direction.

“ Kook, uh Rua is crying” you blurt out your first concern.

“ Crying? Why?” He asks with his brows furrowed.

“ Uh actually.. I had to say that… uh I am leaving the country. I just got selected for one of the top universities in Australia, so I told her about it and she.. she got sad” you say your voice trembling, you never wanted her to cry and now she has also pushed you away.

“ What!?” He says as he comes to stand just in front of you.

“ Are you serious right now? Why.. Why are you leaving? You could easily get admission in one of the prestigious colleges here too” he says, his voice strong.

“ That's a better option, kook. And I just want to do it” you say as you look towards him, it's been so long you looked right at his doe eyes, spoke from your heart. You notice how his facial muscles soften.

You both stand there in silence for a while before Jungkook takes you in his embrace. He does. He pulls you closer to him. His one hand on your back and the other on your head as he pulls you closer. Your stiff body melting in his embrace as you do the thing that you feel is right. You let him hug you, you hug him tighter.

After a while he whispers, “ when are you leaving?”

You whisper back, “ tomorrow, at 7 am”

“ What!?” He asks shocked as he pulls back just enough to look at your face. His hand falls on your hips as your hand remains around his small waist.

“ And you are telling this today?” He asks again.

You heave out a sigh later whispering, “ I had no guts to tell her this. I never thought she would be this hurt. I thought telling her one day before will maybe make things easier for her”

“ So she is crying?” He asks to which you nod.

His phone rings which is on the bed. You see the caller I'd ‘ mia⁠♡’ it reads. Your heart tingles as you slowly push yourself away from him. He picks up the phone whispering a “ call you later” and declines.

“ Uh, kook take care of rua and uh… yourself too” you say, turning on your heels as you hurriedly walk out.

You walk out of the house, walk out of his life. You never told anyone but another reason why you took this offer was to be away from his thoughts. You can't come in between two lovers. No you can't, you leave for the best.

Read part 2 here

[sundew199]

this just popped into my mind. imagine gym reiner? we are at the gym with jean or erem or something and we feel these eyes staring at us? turns out its our old friend reiner? he asks to meet up for coffee and then things head south ifykyk😉😉

I've been having such nasty and devious thoughts (more than usual) about Reiner, how'd you know??

and by "old friend" we mean old friend 😏 right? Whipped something up for you real quick because man I'm digging this scenario, thank you anon, you have all my love!! 🫶🏻

tags: reiner x f!reader, coffee date, flirting, teasing, multiple orgasms, oral!receiving, smut >:)

Eren somehow convinced you to go to the gym with him, and you're not even sure how, he wasn't the type to workout to begin with. And it wasn't like he convinced you to workout, you did that enough on your own, it was more him convincing you to go to the gym he just joined.

The gym Eren was a member of wasn't bad, spacious and fully equipped to accommodate just about everyone. Both of you started out with a quick jog on the treadmills and then headed to the free weights. Maybe an hour had passed, you weren't sure, but there was this feeling of someone staring at you that became all the more obvious as you were squatting. It didn't bother you, sort of used to getting unwelcomed stares when you worked out, but this one you couldn't shake off. It was burning into you and starting to throw off your focus.

"Hey? You alright?" Eren asked as you came up from the last rep, making sure the barbell was secure on the pegs before stepping out of the machine.

"Yea I'm fine. Your turn." Wiggling your brows for Eren to squat now, standing in front of him just in case.

He didn't bother to change the weight you had on there already, sucking in a sharp breath and sliding the barbell on his shoulders and gripping each side, descending down. Seeing he was doing well on his own, you moved to the side, grabbing your phone to check a few notifications.

Then the feeling returned, that insistent staring from someone afar, prompting you to whip your head around to spot the culprit. Everyone was focused on their own thing around you, so who the hell was staring at you with such intensity?

You were slightly annoyed now, remembering why you went to your specific gym and not anywhere else, like here. It had to be a man with the way you felt preyed after from just the feeling of his stare. God, how ridiculous.

Eren decided he wanted to use one of the machines instead of free weights to save on time, hopping onto a leg press and adjusting the weight. You stood beside the machine and talked with him, asking if he had any goals in mind coming to the gym and working out. Conversation carried on between you two, switching with Eren so you could workout your quads. Eventually after a moment, Eren let you know he was going to refill his water bottle, leaving you at the machine.

Catching your breath and scroll through your phone again to switch playlists, you heard a man clear his throat. Looking up, you gasped under your breath, seeing it was Reiner standing there a bit nervous and awkwardly, something of a shy smile on his face.

"Hey, didn't know you went to this gym."

Oh he was so adorably awkward despite being a rather large man. You giggled and got up from the machine, tucking your phone into your the waistband of your shorts.

"I don't normally, a friend invited me." Saying warmly and stepping forward for a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck. You hadn't seen him in years almost, graduating from Uni and starting your life as an adult. You two were friends in Uni, sadly losing contact after graduation but seeing him again was such a pleasant surprise. Reiner embraced you tightly, pressing you to his sweat damp tank top then releasing you.

"How have you been? Haven't seen you since graduation." Leaning against the machine with his elbow, immediately spotting the swell in his bicep and god was he always this jacked?

"Good, just recently got promoted so I'm now important at work." Rolling your eyes with a laugh, placing your hands on your hips, standing in front of him. "How about you?"

"About the same, climbing the ranks of the corporate ladder faster than I want to." Shrugging, tapping his fingers on the machine absentmindedly. As both of you stood there it couldn't be helped the way your eyes wandered, following the curves of his arms and down to his legs, the sheer power in them. Suddenly you felt flustered with his physique, swearing he never looked this built while you two were in college.

Eren returned just as you were about in inquire on his life further, looking at you confused as he didn't know Reiner. Introducing them, you saw the way his face fell a little, realizing the friend you mentioned was a guy, probably assuming you and Eren were together. To his luck, you weren't, proudly single but not shy from reconnecting with old friends, letting Eren know you'd be just a second as you said goodbye to Reiner.

"It was good to see you, we need to catch up sometime." Setting the bait and hoping he'd be attentive enough to take it like you wanted.

"We do, if you're free this weekend, we could meet up for coffee."

And what would you know, this weekend was only a day away it being Thursday.

"I'd love too. Still have my number?"

He nodded and repeated it back to you to make sure it was the same one and it hit you that he had it memorized.

"Saturday work?" Wiggling his brow and giving you a playful smirk, sending butterflies to your stomach.

"Saturday's perfect. Text me what time and where and I'll be there." Backtracking in your steps, smirking at him as he laughed under his breath, grabbing his water bottle and coming off of the machine.

"See you then."

~

You woke up earlier than normal that morning, despite Reiner saying to meet him at eleven, but it was inevitable. It wasn't a date or anything but you wanted to look nice at least, who wouldn't? After taking a shower and getting yourself presentable with enough time to stare at the time on your phone, you headed down from your apartment and waited at the front of your building for a cab. The place he sent was downtown and though you sort of lived downtown, it was too far of a walk from your place. Plus it'd save you from having to pay for parking.

Arriving early at "Blooming Cafe", you hesitantly take a seat at one of the booths, checking your phone after texting him that you were here and looking over at the menu displayed on the wall behind the counter. There weren't any prices next to the drink options, letting you know you were about to pay out the ass for some coffee, but it was fine, it'd be worth it anyway.

A bell above the door signaled someone else had entered and after checking multiple times before when it rang and not seeing Reiner, you didn't look back, getting started when he nudged your shoulder. You scolded him for scaring you like that and he laughed, and it sounded so warm and deep you were getting chills.

"Order anything yet?"

"No, was waiting on you." Sliding out of the booth and leading him to get in line behind the two people in front of you. He commented on your consideration and you insisted it was the polite thing to do with a sly smile, seeing him reciprocate with another one of those warm enveloping laughs and a squint of his eyes.

Having never been here before, you asked the barista for some recommendations, listening to the options and deciding to make it easy on yourself and get the featured drink of the month. Reiner ordered a simple Americano with just a dash of cream. The barista asked if this would be on one ticket and you couldn't even answer her yourself before Reiner said yes and was presenting his card to pay, after adding a croissant and a danish to the order as well.

Though you weren't expecting it, the gesture was appreciated, standing beside him at the end of the counter while the same barista got the croissant and danish for you two, taking them and heading back to the booth to wait on the drinks.

"Job must be paying you well to put both drinks on your card. And a pastries as well?" Settling into the booth, crossing one leg over the other and giving him a teasingly playful look. Reiner shrugged with another small laugh, running his fingers through his hair.

"Job pays very well, but I would've done it anyway."

"How do you know mine doesn't pay just as well, I could've easily paid for today."

"I don't doubt that it does, but I invited you so even if you were the richest woman in the world, I would've paid still." Raising his brow and taking the danish out of the thin paper sleeve it was put in, using it as a makeshift plate. Another one of those fluttering butterflies started up in your stomach again, the way he spoke so smoothly and surely, displaying the perfect gentleman.

"Well, what do you do then? Since you can splurge on over-priced priced coffee and pastries." Grabbing the danish and doing the same as him and setting it on top of the paper sleeve it came in.

"Financial Lawyer."

Oh? He wasn't kidding about his job paying very well, working in such a niche career that undoubtedly has a nice paycheck every month. Reiner really was doing well for himself since Uni and you couldn't be happier.

"Damn." Blurting out, warmth spreading to your cheeks in mild embarrassment at the way you responded to his answer. Reiner chuckled and gave another one of his shrugs. "So you did an additional three years of school after we all graduated?"

"Yup, more like two since I drowned myself in classes after you and everyone else graduated, I think I was just ready to be done."

And you couldn't blame him, assuming there was a bit of fomo on his end for missing out after you and your friend group moved onto their careers.

"Landed myself a job at one of the biggest firms six months after I got all my degrees and have been there for about a year now." Wiping the crumbs from the croissant on the corner of his mouth and letting out a sigh. "How about you, where did you end up?"

"Marketing for public relations." Taking a bite of the danish, swallowing the bit before finishing your answer. "Have you heard of Mitras Public Relations?"

"Oh them? Yea I have, shit you work there? They're one of the biggest PR companies in the area."

More warmth flooded your cheeks, the awe and admiration in his voice making you feel prideful in your career. "I do yea."

"Maybe I should've let you pay." Breathily laughing with his little quip, like he wasn't making two times the amount you were making.

His name was called out by the barista a second later, dusting his hands of the croissant flakings and going to grab the drinks. He slipped in a twenty to the tip jar as he took the drinks and you smiled at his generosity. Taking the drink he held out to you, your fingers brushed and it was like you were set on fire. Sure it may have been three something years since you last saw or spoke to him and you never saw him more than a close friend, you wouldn't die something was beginning and you weren't compelled to let it die, in fact, you wanted it to flame.

The drink you ordered was perfect, not overly sweet or bitter and the coffee itself was a smooth blend. After trying yours, you asked how Reiner's was, poking fun that the got a beverage so bitter and wondered it he'd even like it. He embraced your teasing and said he's something akin to an old man with the way he prefers bitter or black coffee, and you laughed because of course he did.

"You know, my firm is looking to hire in their PR department." Saying through the rim of his cup, looking over it with those piercing gold eyes, making you feel frozen across from him. The offer was a bit out of the blue, having spent the last thirty minutes recapping some fond memories from Uni, but you were flattered in a way.

"Marketing. I work in the marketing department for Mitras PR." Reminding him, stirring your coffee with the spoon he grabbed for you, looking up at him with a soft playfulness.

"Mm well, we have a marketing department at my firm."

"Are you trying to get me a job with you? Jesus Reiner we just reconnected after three years."

"You'd get paid more than whatever they're paying you there." Pursing his lips and letting the small laugh slip out, knowing full well what he was doing and you were letting yourself fall into it.

"Can I consider it?" Leaning forward across the table a bit, arching a brow and fluttering your lashes a couple times. Reiner smacked his lips and let out a sigh, running his hand down his goatee as if he really had to consider.

"Of course." Bringing the cup to his lips for a sip, never breaking eye contact with you and making it hard for the swarm of butterflies that had made residence in your stomach to die down. Gosh, date or not, you don't ever remember being this flustered or flattered with a guy in the past, Reiner just have this charm you only took notice of now.

"So, I'm sure as a successful financial lawyer you've got women lined up outside your office and front door."

His cheeks turned a light shade of pink, looking away from you for a moment then humming as he thought. "Quite the opposite actually."

"What?! No way you're just being humble." Because that couldn't be a possibility for him at all. He was built, rippling with muscles and quite handsome and doing well for himself too.

"I mean I've had a few short flings, nothing serious."

Noncommittal type then or maybe he was just career driven at the moment. "Just haven't found the one yet?"

"Something like that yea. How about you? That guy you were with at the gym was he?" Letting himself trail off, hoping you would put the rest of it together.

"No me and Eren are just friends, he used to work with me but moved on to something different. But same as you, couple flings, nothing serious."

There was a little glint in his eyes when you said that, and you couldn't ignore it, in fact it made you a little excited.

"Good to know." Winking at you as he took another sip, your stomach flipping in on itself.

As you both talked, time slipped away from both of you, not even realizing two hours had past, finishing your pastries and coffees. One of the barista's came by and informed you the cafe would be closing soon and asked if there was anything they could get you before then, since you two were still sitting in the booth. Reiner politely declined and handed her the empty cups and got up to throw away the trash. A bit of disappointment settled inside you at this coming to an end, enjoying your time with Reiner so much, but you didn't want to impose on him either.

"My place isn't far from here, we can continue this there if you'd like."

Bingo.

"Oh! Yea I'd love too, I'm not cutting into any thing in your day am I?"

"No, nothing on the docket."

You smiled, trying to hide how excited you were. Leading you out of the coffee shop with a subtle hand on the small of your back. The city was bustling, people hailing cabs, marching down the side walk on a mission, an oddly comforting feeling to you. Expecting Reiner to hail a cab, you were surprised when he didn't, continuing to lead you down the sidewalk, making one left turn and then a right, crossing the street and arriving to the front of a luxury building. A woman greeted him upon entry, referring to him as 'Mr.Braun' and suddenly you were giddy to just be with him. The elevator ride up to the thirtieth floor was silent, but not uncomfortably, exiting with him and taking a short walk down the hall. No keys were presented at the door, simply opening it with a code and letting you in first.

The expansive entryway that opened to the kitchen and living area had you gaping. Reiner lived a life of quiet luxury and was doing so much better than you expected. You figured he would be, a financial lawyer and all but holy shit.

"I see why you chose that specific coffee place now." Setting your small purse on the kitchen island as he dumped his key ring in the bowl on the table in the entryway, walking over to you with a knowing look.

"Wasn't meant to be intentional but it worked out."

"Sure." Narrowing your eyes with an amused smile, taking more time to look around. The decor and furniture was very on brand for him, simple but not grossly modern. You watched as he plopped down on the very comfy looking couch, closing the laptop he left open and inviting you to take a seat with him. Kicking off your shoes and shamelessly plopping down, turning yourself towards him, you chuckled.

"So all the girls you brought home from those flings weren't impressed with the lavish lifestyle you lived?"

He groaned softly with his laugh, reclining back into the sofa and throwing an arm across the back. "They were a little too impressed."

"Oh. So let me take a guess here and assume you're looking for someone who's more into you than the money?" Unsure of where your newfound confidence came from in asking the question and leaning in closer to him, resting a closed fist on your cheek with a teasing smile. Reiner rumbled with a laugh, wetting his bottom lip absentmindedly and nodding.

"More or less. Someone who's thriving in their own career like I am and someone who I can connect with easily, like you." Saying that last part quietly, one corner of his mouth curling as he leaned in closer as well.

"Me?" Breathily responding, vibrating with anticipation. You had a connection with Reiner, the two of you friends in Uni and even though there was a period where neither of you were in each other's lives, the chemistry was there and it was new and exciting.

"Mhm." Fingers running across your arms and sending goosebumps to the touch. You laughed ever softly, reaching out to move the bangs away from his forehead, locking onto to those golden eyes that were shining with truth. "Seeing you at the gym a couple days ago felt like a magnet was pulling me to you, and yet it took everything in me to approach you."

Suddenly you thought back to when you swore someone was staring at you while you were at the gym, the intensity of it, and it hit you that it was Reiner.

"So you decided to stare at me as I worked out and built up the courage to come talk to me?" Pushing him back and swinging your leg over his lap, taking a seat with no shame whatsoever. The want between you two was clear, so what was the point in beating around the bush any longer. Reiner gasped softly but then settled into a smirk as his hands rested on your hips, the thin fabric of your leggings allowing you to feel the warmth of his palms.

"God I thought I was being subtle." Laughing at himself, his fingertip slipping underneath your shirt resting above your waist, trailing higher along your spine and taking the shirt with it. Softly you shook your head that he was in fact not being as subtle as he thought he was.

"No, could feel the eyes of someone on me the entire time, wouldn't have been as irritated if I'd know it was you." Brushing your lips across his cheek, the stubble of his beard prickling your lips so perfectly. Both of his hands hold you at the waist under your shirt giving you a little squeeze.

"Didn't know I made such a difference." Turning his face to peck a light kiss to your jaw, inhaling the aroma of your skin.

"Well, yes, you're not just some guy, you were one of my best friends in Uni and I hadn't seen you, so yes the fact that you were staring at me as I worked out made a difference."

Reiner hummed in amusement, the tip of his nose bumping your chin as he kissed the other side of your jaw. You shifted on his lap, not making it subtle that you were scooting closer to him, settling right over his crotch.

"And what am I to you now?" Masking his unsureness in a seductive tone with the question, wondering what would change between you two after the inevitable occurring at the moment.

"Something more than what's been missing in everyone previous." Lips nearly touching as you spoke, looking into his eyes through your hooded ones, inviting him in.

His lips pressed softly to yours, gradually parting after the initial electricity of his touch died down. Nails from his fingers lightly scratched at the soft skin of your back, pulling you into him as your mouth danced and devoured. You held onto to the back of his head with your fingers threaded through his hair, inhaling into his mouth and planting yourself firmer onto his crotch. He grunted when you did so, nipping at your bottom lip and moving one of his hands down to squeeze at your ass, pulling a quiet moan from you.

Neither of you broke from each other, barely giving a few seconds to breathe, lost in each other from the very start. You weren't thinking about anything, barely thinking about the fact that you were kissing one of your best friends, though it wouldn't be fair to refer to him as that anymore. The neediness in you was coming forth in the way you started to grind down on him, his sharp intake of breath and dig of his nails into your skin a clear indicator he was wanting this just as much as you did maybe even more.

Reiner stood up from the couch, tucking one arm under your ass, encouraging you to lock your legs around him, still not breaking from the kiss. Your mind reeled at his strength, easily rising from the couch with you in his arms and fuck that turned you on.

"We don't have to move." Protesting sweetly, finally breaking from the sequence of kisses, wanting to show that you would have him anywhere.

"Can't see all of you on the couch." Ducking down to your neck as he walked across his penthouse, scrapping his teeth along your flesh. The simmering lust boiled in your gut at his response, the idea of being sprawled out on his bed just for him was erotic.

The door kicked open and he set you at the foot of his king size bed, standing in front of you, untucking the short sleeve henley shirt from his black jeans and tossing it to the side, already undoing the simple belt keeping his pants in place. His bare chest and stomach were easily making your throb, the subtle defined lines and healthy layer of fat gracing his body. Were you blind in Uni?

He was on you a second later once his jeans were discarded and left in only his boxers, lifting your shirt and pushing you back onto the bed, pulling at the waist of your leggings, kissing down your torso. You bent your legs at the knee and cradled his head until he pulled your leggings off from the ankles, gripping you again to move you to the center of the bed.

"Perfect." He muttered, standing up on his knees and gazing down at you in just your bra and panties. In any other situation or with any other guy, you would've tried to conceal yourself, but instead you sat up, unclasping your bra and throwing it to the pile of clothes by the bed. Reiner groaned at the sight of your tits, tilting you back on your elbows and taking one of them in his hands, kissing along your collarbone, as your legs spread to accommodate his width.

His lips descend down to the valley of your breasts, thumbing over your nipple and rumbling to the way you gasped at the stimulation. There wasn't anytime to be wasted between you and him, and you couldn't think of a reason why but you weren't slowing him down, not when he kissed at your naval and snapped the band of your panties against your skin.

"God it's like you've been waiting for this." Falling back onto the bed and letting your elbows give out as you raise your hips off the mattress to entice him.

"I might've been." Kissing over your panties and pulling them down just a little to be a tease. You groaned at the realization that Reiner may have had a thing for you before but you were too blind to see it. He places more kisses above the hem of your panties, running his hand up the side of your leg, gradually spreading them apart more, and finally hooking his fingers around the band, pulling them down your legs. You gasped as the cool air hit your pussy, shivering slightly.

"How long?" Deciding to as even though you were barely coherent to think of anything other than the fact that he was down between your legs, one arm hooked under your thigh.

"A while, after you graduated and I realized I might not get a chance with you." Running his scruffy cheek across your inner thigh, placing a kiss there. "But we can talk about that after, want you to enjoy this."

And you moaned vocally at the way hot open mouthed kissed ascend up your inner thigh, getting closer and closer to where you craved. His hand caressed over your stomach, leaving it there to further hold you down and you couldn't quite figure out why he was doing that until a flat tongue parted your folds from your entrance to your clit.

Back bent into an arch off the bed, fisting the heavy thick duvet above your head, you moaned his name so shamelessly and easily, rolling off your tongue like you were always meant to do so. Reiner chuckled triumphantly, repeating the first action again, tracing the tip of his tongue around your clit this time.

He was working you slowly yet intently, using his tongue in ways no one has before, delicately running it over your cunt like he were an artist, making you feel everywhere it went. You were high and drunk from how attentive he was down between your legs, gently gripping his hair, encouraging him for more. After a moment of him just idly worshipping your pussy like there was all the time in the world, you propped yourself up again on an elbow and met the hazy lust filled eyes of Reiner meeting yours as his lips enclosed around your clit. You yelped, gripping his hair rather tightly, and his eyes rolled back into his head as he sucked harshly. There was no way he had brought you this close to an orgasm already, but you were there, legs trembling in his grasp. You couldn't even warn him, suddenly orgasming into his mouth and gasping with each breath.

Slowly, he came off, licking his lips and gazing at you like he were a predator, and you have never felt so lucky to be under someone when they were like this then you did now.

"Fuck," Whispering under his breath as he crawled up the bed to you, one hand holding him above you. Quickly you met him in a kiss, tasting yourself, keeping the hand in his hair there, pulling him further into you. His bare chest pressed to yours, melding together from the thin, thin layer of sweat on your body.

"Fuck is right, lots of practice?" Teasing the question, attempting to grind against the obvious bulge in his boxers, only realizing his other hand was down there still and you whimpered when his middle finger pressed against your clit.

"Not going to answer that." He laughed pulling away from your lips, letting his middle finger trail down to your entrance, teasing it. You pouted at his response and action, reaching down to pull his boxers down until his cock was free, feeling it hit your thigh from it weight, grasping just below the tip and smiling to the surprise groan he gave.

"It's okay if you did, in fact I appreciate it, haven't had anyone give me an orgasm like that ever, and that quickly." Stroking him slowly, twisting your wrist with each movement, the pulse beating against your palm. Reiner moaned and pushed his middle finger into you, momentarily halting your motions from how thick just a single finger was.

"Good, cause I'm going to get two more out of you before we're done." Drawing his finger back and shoving it back in, working you open to eventually accept his ring finger, which came sooner than expected, squeezing his dick and throwing your head back.

"Two more?" Croaking out the question, wondering why on earth he had a set number of orgasms he wanted to get out of you. Reiner nodded, moving your hand from his cock and gently holding it down to the bed at the wrist.

"Two more, you already came once, so a total of three." Kissing the corner of your mouth as his fingers fluttered and scissored inside of you, twitching off the bed only to be blocked by the wall of his body over you. "For the three years we weren't in each other's lives."

God you were melting from the endearment behind his motivation and the way he was making you fall apart, once again in a matter of seconds. An obscene squelching noise came from between your legs, his fingers working quick and fast, mirroring a 'come here' motion inside your pussy, right up against your g-spot.

"Reiner, I-" Choking out, breathing rapidly as the second orgasm approached, trying to warn him this time.

"Do it baby, cum on my fingers so you can cum on my cock." Flashing his canines in a devious and sly way, pressing his thumb to your clit and making those tight circles, doing just enough to send you over the edge. Your nails from the hand to pinned to the bed, scratched down his chest, crying out his name and arching off the bed almost painfully, coming hard and fast around him.

Reiner brought his fingers to a slow, easing the ends of your orgasm while tentatively kissing your lips, contrasting the way his hand worked between your legs. When the endings of your orgasm subsided, he brought his hand between you and him, nudging his middle finger to your lips and you took it, cleaning it for him and rolling your eyes back into his head when he dipped both fingers into his mouth to finish the rest.

"Fuck if you manage to get a third one out of me, I'll buy us take out." Saying into his neck as he kissed along your jaw, lavishing you in affection, showing just how smitten he was in the heat of the moment.

"I was going to get a third one out of you anyway, but that's a nice incentive." Carefully stabilizing himself as he pulled his boxers all the way off, tapping the tip of his cock on your oversensitive clit, nipping at the side of your neck. You groaned, spreading your legs even farther and throwing your arms around his neck.

"God you're still so fucking cocky."

He quickly rolled his bottom lip with his teeth, adjusting his hips so the head of his cock would be at your entrance, just pressing against the sopping wet hole.

"Not a lot has changed since I last saw you then?" Asking as a way to distract you as he pushed his hips forward, both of you gasping at the tightness and intrusion. You squeezed your eyes shut, realizing you didn't know how big he was until this very second and holy fuck he was going to split you open.

"Clearly not." Holding onto him as he slowly pushed into you, whining at the way he stretched you so painfully good. Reiner exhaled and kept it slow for the time being, understanding his size would need adjustment. Once he was bottomed out, he pressed his forehead to yours, giving you a soft look as if to say that you could tell him it was too much at any point.

Drawing his hips back about half way and pushing back in a bit faster, you gasped and slid your hand down to his shoulders, creating crescents in the skin from the pleasure. Reiner grunted, dipping his head and slowly working up to a moderate pace, not wanting to make any of this displeasurable at all. The thrusts started out as measured and languid, each one dragging against the walls of your cunt and making your vision blurry with stars already. How did he have the ability to do this to you, was it like this for the few women that got the opportunity to have him?

Either way, you were boneless against the bed, meeting each kiss he pressed into your lips as his hips increased in speed. It wasn't long before skin slapped against skin, slick from your pussy smearing on your thighs and dripping down his shaft to his balls. You never once had been so inclined to be so vocal during sex, but Reiner was changing that, as he had been since he brought you home to his penthouse.

His stomach stayed pressed to yours, leaving you to watch the way his chest moved with each breath and how his arms strained against his own weight above you, how his broad shoulders tensed every time you ran your nails through the skin, but he didn't stop you. Reiner groaned when you clenched around him, cursing under his breath, knitting his brows together as he started pounding into you, overcomes with the tightness of your pussy to hold back any longer. Crying out with a laugh, you leg him throw one of your legs over his shoulder, moving your arms out of the way and for you to fist the sheets above your head. He panted above you, cursed your name on a moan and drove his dick deeper and deeper with each thrust.

"Mmph, Reiner - oh my god-" Wailing as you threw your head back, arching off the bed, the third orgasm approaching as he was now nudging the deepest part of you, that certain sweet spot. He chuckled, keeping his hips flush with yours as he rolled them into you, a silent moan leaving your unhinged jaw.

"Shit you look so good right now, better than what I could've imagined actually."

And you couldn't even process what that meant, whimpering as his thrusts started up again, bending the leg on his shoulder back more, angling himself deeper than before. You were on the verge of tears from how good you felt, never wanting it to end.

"Please I'm going, oh fuck I'm going to." Not even able to get a full sentence out, tilting your head back more into the mattress, squeezing your eyes shut, accepting you were actually going to cum for a third consecutive time, never achieving a feat like this.

A hand grasped your chin, bringing you to look at him, squeezing your cheeks gently. "Want you to look at me when you do."

"M'what?" So out of it, you had no idea what he was talking about, only able to focus on the dick slamming into you over and over.

"Look at me when you cum baby, wanna see it."

Weakly you nodded, his thumb stroking over your bottom lip as he switched to frantically trying to bring you both to the edge and ultimately send you both over. Reiner kept the hold on your chin, ensuring you couldn't throw your head back from the ecstasy, dying to see that look on your face from when you cum from just his cock.

Overstimulation was an understatement from the way you felt, staring into the determined eyes above you as your leg was pressed more and more into your body. It was hard not to close your eyes, but with the new and deeper angle he was at, you didn't have to do it for long, gasping with a moan and slurring out his name, twitching beneath him as your cunt fluttered and tightened around him.

Reiner grunted deeply, breaking all rhythm once you started coming around him, moaning desperately as he held eye contact with you, sending two more deep thrusts before finally stilling and releasing himself inside you.

His head lowered to press against your forehead, moving your leg off his shoulder and parting your lips with his, holding the side of your face instead of your chin, creating a sweet and lingering kiss as his cock pulsed and twitched inside of you.

Long languid kisses were exchanged between you two as he remained inside and above you, the cloud the two of you on not yet disappearing and you didn't think it would, which was a new and exciting feeling.

"I don't think I can move." Whispering into the space between your mouths with a soft laugh, feeling Reiner smile against you, pulling himself out, stroking his thumb over your cheek as he got off the bed.

You lay there motionless with his cum beginning to leak out of you, not even feeling a smidge disgusted, in fact you felt giddy. Reiner returned with a rag, in hand and a fresh pair of boxers on, also tossing a t-shirt beside you as well. He carefully cleaned you up, making sure he got it all and offering a hand to help you sit up.

"All I got is a t-shirt."'

"And what if I wanted to walk around nude?" Taking it and slipping it over your head, drowning a bit with how big it was compared to you.

"I wouldn't stop you." Winking and hopping back onto the bed, dragging you into his arms and handing you his phone. Confused, you took it, realizing he already unlocked it. What was he giving this to you for?

"Order take out, we can have an early dinner." Sitting up some on the pillows, leaving you resting on his chest still.

"But if I'm ordering it from your phone, then I wouldn't actually be holding up my promise." Raising your brows as you searched for the food delivery app on his phone, finding it and opening it.

"Well then by all means, pay me back later baby." Laughing and he squeezed you with arm wrapped around you, smushing you to his chest. You knew even if you tried to send him money later, he wouldn't accept it, but at least he offered.

Italian sounded delicious at the moment, so you searched it in the search bar on the app and looked through the options that came up. Reiner didn't say anything as you browsed, finally choosing one and scrolling through their menu.

"bolognese carbonara still your favorite?" Looking back at him with a knowing smile and the memory of him ordering that every time you and your friends went out together.

"God how do you remember that, and yes it is." Pulling you to sit in his lap with your back facing him, hooking his chin over your shoulder as you added it to the order.

"Not exactly a hard thing to forget when that was the staple dish you ordered when we all went out."

His chuckle vibrated against your back, leaning into the kiss he pressed to your cheek, encircling his arms around you. Adding what you wanted, along with a large order of mozzarella sticks, you placed the order since his card was already hooked up through his phone.

Handing his phone back to him, you turned to face him, lying on top of him as he reclined back into the pillows, playfully smacking your ass. Gently, you pecked his lips and folded your arms over his chest, resting your chin on your wrists, looking at him almost lovingly.

"Why did you never tell me you felt this way about me when we were in Uni together?"

His face dropped a little, and you didn't meant to bring up what may or may not have happened, but you wanted to know, especially since it was all coming together for you now.

"I didn't want to hold you back, make you feel like you had to wait for me when you were graduating with your degree and going to start your life."

You pouted, reaching out to caress the side of his face, watching the way he softened and turned to kiss your palm.

"But you wouldn't have held me back, I would've waited if I knew you felt that way about me."

"I know, but it didn't feel fair to you." Reasoning with you, wrapping his hand around your wrists and stroking his thumb over the veins. "I didn't want to risk it, I wanted you to be you without me holding you back in anyway, and it worked out didn't it?"

Huffing through your nose, nodding in agreement, you smiled. "I did, always did have a little bit of crush on you but didn't think you felt the same way."

"God you really were blind back then weren't you?" Fully anticipating the flick to his ear, wrapping you tighter in his arms and kissing your cheek sweetly.

"You were hot shit in Uni Reiner, every girl was throwing themselves at you."

"And you never noticed how I turned them all down, maybe going on a few dates just to get a break?"

Tilting your head, you thought back to what he said, realizing that yea he really didn't date in Uni and spent all of his time with you and your friend group.

"I mean now it's obvious," Tracing little lines on his chest and huffing a small laugh. "But I'm glad it worked out the way it did, it feels sort of right?"

"It does, sucks there was a three year gap but we'll make up for it." Seductively laughing and squeezing your ass and giving it a slap to follow. You giggled and kissed him again, sensually dipping your tongue past his lips and curling your arms around his neck.

"Food won't be here for another thirty minutes." Offering the unspoken but obvious when you broke the kiss, Reiner giving a little growl that sounded like another laugh.

"Thirty minutes is plenty of time."

[cherrygirlfriend]

❀˖° haven't been caught

pairing: kook!reader x bf!jj synopsis: reader sneaks out with her boyfriend warnings / tags: fluff wc: 600 a/n; inspired by the 5sos song 'good girls'. originally posted 09/24/2024

you're a good girl, daddy's favorite.

yet his lips on yours feel so addictive, his hands sliding up under the hem of your shirt behind the rows of books, pulling you closer.

everyone thinks you're sweet like sugar, pretty as a picture.

you have it all; a wealthy father who already planned out the next five years of your life down to the classes you'd be taking at a college he chose, one of the richest guys in town as your perfect boyfriend, an academic career to watch out for.

yet there you were, an eyeliner pencil in hand as you smudged some into your waterline, getting ready to see jj.

"if you're not more careful, you're gonna get caught." nicky piped up, scrolling on his phone on your bed.

"i know, that's what this is for." you sigh, turning to him, the boy looking at you up and down, "how do i look?"

"like a... pogue." nicky said, scrunching his nose up slightly as he took in your attire, your usual dresses and skirts replaced by a bikini top, one of jj's shirts and a pair of ripped denim shorts.

"perfect." you grin, "you remember our plan?"

"yes, don't come out of your room and if i hear your dad passing the door i'll pretend to be talking sweet nothings to you." he scoffed, "isn't it kind of weird that he lets us have sleepovers despite us 'dating'?"

"maybe he's seen you check him out." you say with a grin, "or he just hopes i baby-trap you."

"we would have a cute kid. if we end up in a lavender marriage, could we have one?"

"definitely." you said, opening your bedroom window, "tell connor i said hi."

"oh, 'hi sweetie, my girlfriend told me to say hi to you'." nicky rolled his eyes with a snort, watching as you started climbing out of your window. "tell pogue boy to bring you home at appropriate hours."

you flipped him off, before starting on your usual route out of your bedroom. and when you landed on the ground and saw him leaning against his dirt bike with his usual grin adorning his face, you couldn't help but run to him, a wide smile on your face.

jj laughed as he caught you, holding onto your waist as you kissed him, the blonde lifting you off the ground. "missed you..." he mumbled against your lips as he set you back down, his forehead connected with yours.

"i missed you too."

"ready to go?"

"where are we going?"

"somewhere we get to be alone." jj shrugged, a daring look on his eyes as you both hopped onto his bike.

your arms tightened their hold around his waist, the wind sweeping your hair back as you flew past the line between figure eight and the cut, and in that moment, it didn't matter to you that it was in the middle of the night, or that this should be the last thing you're doing with the last person you were supposed to be doing it with, all that mattered was how warm jj's body felt under your hands.

and every part of you was ecstatic when you finally got to be alone with him, to feel his hands on your body. guess good girls are just bad girls that haven't been caught.

[doodlebeeberry]

It's OSC gift exchange number 4, baby!!

Thats right folks!!! once again so so excited to host the gift exchange, hopefully itll be yet another fun one! :D

doing things slightly differently this year: if you wanna join you can just fill out this google form! You can also still join by replying/reblogging/dming me with what you'd like if you prefer to do it that way though.

Rules, dates, and details are all under the cut (and also in the form), please read them through fully before joining!!!

Entries close November 28th at midnight (est)!

For those not in the know, the gift exchange is just what is sounds like! Upon joining, you tell me what you like to see in you gift. After, you'll be randomly assigned a giftee, and will make a gift for them based on what they've requested. When the day comes, you'll post your gift and @ the person it's for!

The timeline this year looks like this:

Nov. 7-Nov. 28: Join the gift exchange by filling out this form, dm-ing me, replying, or tagging this post with what you'd like to receive. You can ask for anything--shows, ships, ocs, whatever! Additionally, if there's anything you dont want to see or can't make (ie, ships that make you uncomfortable), you can make a note of that as well

Dec. 1: I'll let you know who you've been assigned and what they'd like! This'll most likely be done through tumblr dms, so if that's an issue do let me know!

Dec. 1-30: You make your gift! This can be anything, from art to writing to music and more! so long as you follow your giftee's request, the possibilities are endless!

Dec. 31: Post your gift, being sure to @ the person its from! Please do not post your gift before this date!!!

Some other things to note:

You can request anything--shows, characters, ships, etc--just please make sure they are osc related! it is an osc gift exchange after all

Asking for OCs is very much allowed, just be sure to provide me with a reference when you join

in regards to things you can't do, please do note that "i haven't seen x show so i wont do it" or "i'll only do requests for x show" are not being treated as valid requests in this context, so i won't guarantee them. also please remember that giftees are assigned randomly.

If your giftee requests more than one thing, you aren't obligated to fulfill all of their requests if you don't want to. Just be sure to do one of them and you're good!

If you need to drop out for any reason, that is completely ok, it happens! just please be sure to let me know ahead of time so I can re-assign your giftee!

On that note, if you have reason to believe you will be unavailable or otherwise unable to post your gift on the 31st, please be sure to tell me so we can work something out! Additionally, if you can't reach out on tumblr (say, your blog gets deleted) you can also poke me on bluesky (@ bumblebeeberry) or discord (thatonegaycat) about it

You can not join anonymously! I just don't think it'd fair to your giftee

While I highly doubt I will need to, I can bar you from participating if I deem it necessary. Again, unlikely, but in the off-chance it does happen I will message you to let you know, pretty please do not yell at me if I do

Not a requirement but when I send you your giftee if you could just let me know you saw the message i would greatly appreciate it!

As per usual I'll be tagging everything with #osc gift exchange, feel free to use it on your gift as well!

That's it! if you have any questions, comments, notes, what have you, please don't hesitate to dm me! :]

[littleveltyoung]

The car design in Motorcity Pilot

from Dasha Bolotina artstation account. She posted it three months ago https://www.artstation.com/artwork/oJ8B4L

her LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dashabolotina

Some character designs

From: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/w000ag

I can't believe I saved those rc9gn images somewhere in 2022. The posting time displayed on Artstation is two years ago

I must have done a lot of things before I lost my memory, right???

So are you interested in watching a video about Jeremy Polgar's art reel in 2013?

Sorry that my mother language isn't English, if there is any strange expression, it is the credit of translator XD

There is a small detail that I only discovered later: Since I'm in the East 8 zone, using China Beijing time as a reference, the post was published on May 1, 2017 (DAMN my first year as a MC fan)

This would indicate that the post was published on April 30, 2017, US time, which is also the 5th anniversary of the release of Motorcity

I posted the discovery of the video on the Tumblr platform, and it seems that a lot of netizens don't realize that it's just an old post by DisneyXD's Facebook

I flipped through it a few years ago because I was looking for RC9GN bloopers (all of them on YouTube), and it happened again this year lol

There are only two videos related to MC posted on this account. One of them is the theme song

The operator of this account at that time must have had internal information about the animation crew, right? Or perhaps some staff members used this account to publicly display something?

Actually, there is still a lot I don't know about American social media platforms, maybe other staff members have publicly disclosed other information? Most of the information has already been mined, and it is well known?

Ah these are just my rambling thoughts, after all it's not like they're vital little details anymore

Uh... I want to be curious, have you guys ever seen Motorcity fan creations involving Military Dog Tags? I just remembered that Mike used to serve in the military for Kane.co and I only learned about the dog tag recently🤣🤣I haven't looked through many fan creations, I'm just curious to ask, you can ignore me (nope)

[angelblacksmith]

Hugs with Percy Jackson would include

Tags: kiss, a lot off fluff

Pairing: reader x Percy Jackson

a/n: hello um... I haven't been here for over a year and I hope someone remembers me... It's part two, you can read part one there

Masterlist

Percy loves hugs.

No, he's addicted to hugs.

He's been through too much shit for his young enough age and now only your hugs or touches bring him back to reality.

Feeling your body and take in the smell of your hair while his hands squeeze you is his favorite pastime.

You two don't have to talk at times like this.

Just to feel you next to him is already a comfort.

He's gone through a lot in his life, but he's still able to find joy in the simple things, like spending time in your arms.

If you feel bad, then Percy will definitely try to support you with a physical touch.

He'd probably wrap you in a big, warm, cozy hug that you'd get lost in.

His comforting arms wrap around you, and he speaks softly with the warmth of a summer breeze.

As you hug him, you feel all of your troubles fade away, and your heart fills with joy.

He is always there to offer a supportive hug, no matter what.

He would make you probably feel like everything was going to be okay.

He just hugs you to him and gently kisses the top of your head while you melt into his cologne with the smell of the sea and the beach.

But Percy also has hard times in his life and a bad mood.

On days like these, he just comes home and puts all his weight on you.

He needs your smell, touch and feel of your body.

It brings him back to reality and gives him a sense of safe.

And if you let him stay in your arms, he would be the happiest boy in the world.

But happy hugs are much better.

If you haven't seen each other for a long time.

Be prepared for the fact that this boy will not leave you for the next few days as soon as you come to him in New York.

He would accidentally touch you all the time and smile that silly smile.

Percy is a little spoon in bed.

He needs you to stroke his hair while he sleeps like a kitten on your chest.

If you had ever asked him about it.

"This is the only way to avoid nightmares for me."

You're his safe place.

That's why he always protects you.

He knows that you are strong enough and self-sufficient.

But he won't forgive himself if something happens to you.

If you get wounded in battle.

Percy will spend twice as much time with you.

And if the wound is not too severe, then he will hug you and hold you to him.

All time.

If he gets wounded in battle and you try to take care of him.

He will grumble that he is not a child.

But in his heart he will catch your every touch and every minute of caring for him.

He would definitely need a hug being in such a vulnerable position.

Percy Jackson's hugs are the kind that make you feel safe and loved.

If you need a bit of comfort or a shoulder to cry on, Percy is the one to go to.

His hugs are the definition of comfort.

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 51!

almost the last fic rec list of the year, can you believe it? like last week, i haven't cross-referenced this list with previous ones, so apologies for any potential double recs!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

before the night fades | MilenaDaniels/@milenadaniels| 8.6k | T

EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyone's night. this fic is one of my favourite outsider povs ever! it does such a wonderful job of capturing our 911 characters as well as fleshing out a lovely cast of ocs <3

chicken alfredo | EiraLloyd/@unlifeira | 4.6k | T

when Helena laughs at the idea that her son is now able to cook well, Buck ropes Eddie into proving her otherwise. this captures the buddie dynamic so so well <3 also made me hungry lol

do you want me (or do you want me dead) | carpediaz/@sofa-king-lame | 2.3k | T

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Buck tries to say goodbye. Eddie isn't ready. frankly i think the best promo i can give this fic is exactly what i said in my comment here, which is "tim minear better be taking notes" because wow it's just that good <3

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In which Buck and Eddie are so bad at being in a secret relationship, but instead of show-typical angst, fluff! secret relationship buddie, the gift that keeps on giving <3 exactly the fic i needed on a cold early bus ride this week!!

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New transfer to the 118, Eddie Diaz, has a secret. And upon getting to know his coworker, Buck, who is also hiding something, he begins to suspect their secret is the same. He's wrong. i've been devouring every little snippet of this fic i've seen on tumblr and i was so so excited to see the full thing land in my inbox! and wow did it not disappoint. such great worldbuilding and such a fantastic characterisation of eddie <3

the bunkroom fic | exvichan | 11.5k | T

The Station 118 bunkroom has witnessed a lot over the years. Private conversations, spats, occasions of affection, joy, and anguish. It’s seen pranks, and games, and camaraderie. It’s even been privy to an unfolding love story or two. It holds the memory of each of these moments. the 118 bunkroom my beloved <3 i love these little moments so much, especially the conversations between the firefam!!

the wayward son | brewrosemilk/@gayhoediaz | 56.9k | E

Eddie misses his son, grows a mustache, pines after his best friend, and becomes a regular at a gay sex club. That last part is either an indulgence or an inevitable, somewhat self-destructive conclusion to several decades worth of compulsory heterosexuality and catholic guilt. Don’t ask him which. i can't even capture the vibe of this fic in just a few lines but holy shit is it brilliant. the most incredibly writing, great characterisation, and also just very hot stuff. an immediate bookmark and new favourite!

[nezuswritingdesk]

Sinta ko (revised)

Tags: Non-MC F!Reader x Zayne, Reader isn’t MC, Reader is addressed w female pronouns (she/her), Spanish colonial AU! Not historically accurate , romance, pinning, domestic moments, possibly OOC Zayne and Caleb , there are translations (not exactly word by word but I translated it based on what's the most accurate thought behind it, it's italicized beside or after the dialogue) , fluff, so much pinning and longing, teasing and banter, different social classes, they haven't seen each other in years let them fall in love again, childhood friends to people who havent seen each other in years to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, established relationship at the end, courtship, theyre falling in love awwwww, zayne haranas for youuuu and you sing back and and *sniffles*

TW: slight blood and injuries (in one scene), cussing, and discrimination between social classes, illness (no death)

wc: 6,687 words (translations included)

taglist: @sylusonychinus, @gawa-ng-gabi, @jadeloverxd, @seris-the-amious

a/n: hewwoo its been almost a month or two since i last wrote !! and im currently on break for a bit which means i get to write again! anyways, this is sinta ko (revised) , the sequel to giliw ko (revised). additionally, i will be adding the link to the original sinta ko fic . Header and fic made by me. Please don't claim as your own or feed to AI.

⋆⁺₊❅。

When was the last time you saw Zayne?

You saw him, but you don't remember exactly when. Was it months ago? Years? Decades? 

Since Zayne left, everyday felt ordinary. 

You woke up before dawn and tended to your mother and her weakening health. You and your father helped her up, allowing her to sit down to watch the sunrise.   Next, you prepared breakfast, and made sure your parents had something to eat before you left for the market. You dusted up your skirts, tied your hair up and grabbed the basket of produce to sell before saying goodbye to your parents.

You headed to your usual area in the market. The sun shined down on your face, the loud calls and bargains can be heard from the vendors and buyers. You headed to your usual spot in the vegetable section of the market amongst the other women, young and old.

 You raised your voice,  loud and clear to call out to potential customers. People passed your way, others brought  a vegetable or two , and some tried to bargain with you about prices established, and the rest passed you by.

Customers were customers; they were yours sometimes, and other times, they weren't. 

During the midday, you hid behind your small stall to have lunch before returning back to work. You did the same thing , trying to get your stock sold out and yet, like every other day, it wasn't.  You sighed and glanced at the last few bits of onions and garlic. 

As the day ended, you returned home. You clutched your basket close as you opened the bamboo door, your mother greeted you. 

You set the basket aside and hugged her. 

“Magandang gabi, nay.” Good-evening, ma. You greeted, “Kumusta po tayo?” How are you feeling?

Your mother, despite her illness , gave a sweet smile.  “Maayos naman, ija,” I'm well, dear. She glanced at the basket on the floor and sighed, “Sabi ko sa iyo na wag na magtrabaho. Kaya pa man namin ng tatay mo.” I keep telling you not to work so much. Your father and I can still handle it.

 You smiled politely, and shook your head as you placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“Nay,” Ma... You said softly, “May sakit ka po, diba? Hayaan mo na kami ni tatay mag-alaga sa iyo…” You're sick, remember? Let father and I take care of you...

Your mother sighed. “Parehas talaga kayo ng tatay mo, no? Ang tigas ng ulo...” You're as stubborn as your father... She laughed and shook her head, “Kain na tayo? Hinihintay ka na ng tatay mo…” Let's eat? Your father is waiting for us.  You held your mother's hand, heading to the small dining room to eat together as a family.

Dinner passed smoothly, say for the occasional coughs from your mother and the mumbled urges of your father as he tried to make her drink water. 

Rinse and repeat.

It was a life, yes, but a mundane everyday one. A life you memorized and lived through autopilot.

 With the season getting colder, your mother's illness worsened to the point of her being unable to stand or leave the bed. 

That gave you a reason to work even harder. 

You found other jobs — laundry and cooking maid, babysitting children of the elite, errand girl, and others to earn enough money for your mother. 

“May kilala ka bang doktor, Señora?” Do you know a doctor, Madam?

You asked your mistress. You were a new servant in the family’s household, tasked to take care of the children. She was a new one to the barrio, a wife of a wealthy man. 

She scoffed at your question, “At bakit ka ba nagtatanong? Hindi naman parte ng trabaho mo magtanong.” And why are you asking? Its not in your job description to ask questions.

You gritted through your teeth. There were really people like them, no? Just because they had more privilege or paler skin meant that they could look down upon others. 

You shook your head, “Para po sa ina ko, señora.” Its for my mother, Madam. You reasoned. 

“Ano ba ang pakialam ko sa ina mo? ” Do I look like I care about your mother? She scoffs.  You nearly dropped the plate you cleaned, wanting to make a statement, but that said, if she gets hurt, you'd be imprisoned and it will be more difficult for your family. You remained quiet, finishing up instead before leaving for the day. 

As you walked back home, a familiar silhouette stood beside you. You looked to your side and raised your hand to defend yourself, but it was caught between theirs. You glanced up, knowing that cheeky smile wherever you went. 

It was Caleb’s.

“Gago ka!” You bitch! You yelled, your hand tried to fish its  way out of his hold  “Ikaw ha! Bakit mo iyan ginawa?” What the fuck was that for?  

He laughed. “At bakit ka naman galit? Di lang tayo nagkita ng ilang buwan At tapos, magpapa-sungti ka?” And why are you angry? We didn't see each other for a few months and now you're acting all grumpy. He teased, ruffling your hair. You hit him again. 

“Bakit ka dito?�� Why are you here? You asked. 

“Bawal ba?” Am I not allowed to be here? He retorted. You sighed. 

“Hindi naman…” Not really... You answered, dusting your skirt. “Uuwi na ako kinana Nanay at Tatay. Malubha ang sakit ni Nanay… Naghahanap ako ng doktor, O baka naman mangagagmot— kahit sino na lang.” I'm going home to. Mother hasn't been feeling well. I've been looking for a doctor, or maybe a healer— anyone really. You confined to him as you walked back home together. 

“Alam mo, may kilala akong doktor.” I know a doctor. Caleb said, moments before reaching home. You glanced at his direction, eyes brimmed with possible hope that it'll be a good doctor,  one that can save your mother's health and wouldn't dismiss her like others. 

“Sino?” Who?  You asked.

He smiled, and got a piece of paper inside his trousers and handed it to you, pressing his hands against yours.  Caleb wasn't present around the barrio nowadays, having gone to Manila to serve for the Guardia Civil , the Spanish police. Of course, he had connections. 

 You tilted your head as you mumbled a thank you quickly before stepping inside with him. 

Dinner was the usual, but with the added bonus of Caleb being there and entertaining your parents with his various experiences in Manila and his time in the Guardia Civil.  You nodded along, and listened to him talk on and on, wondering what a life beyond the comforts of a province would be like. What Maynila was truly like.

As the night came to an end, you escorted Caleb out of the house, a complete opposite from what a woman would do. He pouted playfully, and tried to object to your behavior but you laughed  along, dragging him out of the house as he said goodbye to your parents.

It took a while to convince your mother to see a doctor, and not either a manggagamot or an albularyo.  You dragged her to the place written down on the paper, and made sure to hold her hand so that she wouldn't get lost. 

You stopped at the gates of a familiar building. 

It was Zayne’s old home. The same old home you met him with. The same old home where your mother and father and grandparents worked. The same old home that held so many memories— it feels too good to be true to stand face to face with it. 

But here you were. Standing in front of the familiar gates. Not as the young girl that grew up in her comforts, but as a grown woman, down at her last option. 

 There were plenty of people, young and old, men and women, the rich and the poor waiting patiently for their names to be called by the secretary. It was something new for you. You haven't been to the doctor's before, having trusted and used local medicines and believed to rid you of your illnesses as a child and teenager, the same thing your parents had used to because it was cheaper than a doctor and was more known in the barrio.  

You made sure your mother was seated and weaved yourself through the small crowd of people like the sea that washes upon the shore of everyday life— you memorized this place, but felt alien towards it.  You walked over to the woman sitting down with piles of papers, perhaps that's the secretary of the doctor. She glanced up and smiled, 

“Bago ka ba dito?” Hello, are you new here? She asked. You nodded. She gets a piece of paper and a pen and began  to ask for information about you. You immediately shake your head, 

“Parang hindi tayo nagkakaintindihan. Hindi po ako yung may sakit, yung ina ko po.” I think there's a misunderstanding. I'm not sick, my mother is. You explained. She laughed, and corrected herself before repeating. 

You glanced around. The familiar wooden walls had stood tall, photos of the family lined their walls as generations of men and women watched people come in and out of their home, hoping for a better  solution to their ailments. Time ticked slowly as the sun rose higher into the sky. Your eyes were starting to get heavy, and your mother was leaning against you for a moment's rest. 

The secretary called your mother's name like a bell that breaks the silence of night. You nudged her awake. “Nay,” Ma... You said softly, trying to wake her,  “Tayo na. Tinawag na tayo.” Let's go. They're calling your name.  

She muttered something in response before you helped her up and led her towards the room. 

You had been inside this room before. The old smell of books and wood was replaced with ammonia and sterile supplies. You took a step, your mother following behind you as you face the presumed doctor. 

Zayne. 

Or should you be calling him Doctor Zayne?

He glanced down for a moment,  and reviewed the patient information given to him by the secretary beforehand. He was still handsome, yes, with soft and cold eyes, his hair short and kept nicely.

“Nay, si Zayne po ito.” Auntie,its me, Zayne. He said to your mother, his voice soft and modulated. Your mother's eyes lit up.  “Ijo? Ikaw ba ‘yan , ijo ko?” My dear? Is that really you, my dear Zayne?

He nodded. “Opo, ang ijo inaalagaan mo noong una po," Yes, I was the boy you took care of, He grabbed  his stethoscope, “At ngayon po, Nay, ako naman po ang maaalaga sa iyo.” And now, it's my turn to take care of you.  

You watched as Zayne proceeded with his routine. A new sight from the boy you once knew. His hands were gentle, his voice firm and clear as he ran through several tests and asked your mother questions related to her health.  

Minutes passed by as Zayne explained what was happening to you and your mother. He was direct, telling her she was ill but didn't crush the hopes of her making a recovery. He grabbed a piece of paper, and scribbled down a few words before handing them to you. He gave a few more reminders, making sure your mother took  her medicines, not overwork herself , made sure she's rested well, and to return next week to get an update on her health. 

You smiled, thanking Zayne before looking away, your eyes darted around as you tapped your feet. Zayne and  your mother continued to talk, catching up with the years that passed.

“Ang laki laki mo na , ijo.” You're so big already, dear Your mother cooed, squishing his cheek with her wrinkled fingers, “Naalala ko noong una—” I remember when you were—

Zayne chuckled nervously , looking away as he places her hand far from his cheeks. “Alam ko po.” I know. He says softly, “Hindi mo na kailangan sabihin.” You don't need to say it. 

Your mother scoffed playfully,  which made you groan. The last thing you wanted to hear is an embarrassing story from your childhood or Zayne’s.  She laughed, recalling how you'd always play together or how when Zayne was a little baby, he would always follow her or his own mother around like a little puppy. 

You laughed, and imagined him just as your mother described in her story. Zayne stood there, and covered his reddening face with his white coat, and glanced elsewhere, hoping it’d end soon.

“Nay,” Ma... You said, and placed a hand on her shoulder. You glanced back at Zayne, saying that you had this under your control. “Sa susunod na naman tayo mag-usap kay Doktor Zayne, Nay. Baka may gagawin pa siya.” We can catch up with Zayne next time. Maybe he has other things to do.

“Bibisita ka ba sa amin ba, ijo?” Will you visit us, dear? She asked Zayne with hopeful eyes. 

“Hindi pa ko maka-siguro po, Nay.” I'm not so sure either, auntie. He answered, “Pero kung may oras ako, bibisita ako. Sa parehas lugar kung saan kayo nakatira noong una po?” But if I have time, I'll try to visit. You still live at the same area like before?  

Your mother nodded. “Aba, naalala mo pa, ijo? Kung hindi kayo sa bahay, diyan kayo palagi nina Caleb at Y/N. Palagi kayo naglalaro noong una. Naalala ko-” Oh, you still remember, dear? You, Caleb, and Y/N were always there. In fact, there was this one time when— 

“At naalala ko na nag-aalala na si Tatay sa bahay.” And I remember that father must be worried. We should be on our way now. You chimed in softly and grabbed her hand as you thanked Zayne once more and left the office. Zayne smiled to himself, waving goodbye as the door closed and left him alone with his thoughts. 

You were always at Zayne’s more often as your mother recovered from her illness. 

It was a slow and gradual process, but you couldn't help but be proud as you watched her slowly feel better and get back on her feet.

 Zayne visited more often. He brought his medical equipment in a bag and walked up to your door and like clockwork, you’d opened the door to greet him hello before bringing him to your mother.

Your mother’s eyes always lit up when she heard his footsteps and familiar voice. She loved him like he was her child, having raised him all those years ago. 

“May kasintahan ka na ba, ijo?” Do you have a girlfriend? She asked one time, which caught him off-guard. He looked away for a moment, his face turned red as he shook his head. 

“May babae bang nagpapatibok ng puso mo?” Is there any woman in particular? She asked next. 

His ears turned red next. 

“Parang wala pa po, Nay. Hindi ko rin alam kung–” No, auntie.  

Your laughter cut him off. You shook your head in disbelief. This was Doctor Zayne, and you were sure that so many women had already swooned over his feet and had tried to melt away at his cold and aloof expression. 

“Hay nako, Zayne. Ikaw pa? Walang kasintahan? At akala ko sa Maynila o sa Europa ka pa makakahanap ng babae na magmamahal sa iyo?” Really, out of all the people who don't have a girlfriend, must you be one of them, Zayne? I thought you'll find love at Manila, or maybe even Europe.  You teased, and nudged at his side, “O bake plano mo maging isang matandang binata?” Or, are you planning to be a bachelor?

Zayne laughed, and turned his attention towards you. 

“Hindi naman.” Not really. He said  “May taong nagpapatibok ng puso ko pero…” I have a person in mind, but... 

“Pero?” But?  

“Pabayaan mo na.” Nevermind. He waved his hand dismissively. You pouted at his words, hit his shoulder, and stuck your tongue out in his direction. Zayne sighed at your petulant expression. 

“Tumahimik ka nga?” Quiet. He said, “Nagtatrabaho ako.” I'm working.  

Your heart skipped a small beat. 

Was it the way he talked? The way his hands handled taking care of your mother?

 Or was it because it was Zayne? Zayne, the childhood friend you grew up with throughout all those years, whose face and expression never changed, his voice still modulated and poised just like how you’d always remember it. You shake your head. 

Now that kind of nonsense is something you don’t agree on, especially about you. 

His checkup continued as he did an assessment of your mother’s current condition. Every answer she gave, he wrote down and documented properly. Before he left, he presented them with fruits in a basket and money he stuffed in his pockets. 

“Alam ko na hindi ito magrabo pero sana po makatuklong diin sa iyo ito,” I know this isn't much, but I hope this will be able to help you. He offered.

“Ang sobra naman nito, Zayne. Hindi mo naman kailangan ito gawin .” This is too much, Zayne. You really didn't have to do this. You said, your face red and eyes widened from the action he had done. He pressed the basket of fruits closer to you. 

“Tanggapin mo na.” I insist. Please take it. He insisted. After another back and forth between you both, you resigned your fate and took the basket into your arms. Zayne flashed a subtle smile before he packed his materials and left out of the door. 

This continued on for weeks that turned into months–close to a year even as your mother’s recovery was a slow and gradual process. She moved more often and for longer without the need to catch her breath. She cleaned up around the house, much to your father’s complaints. 

Whenever you visited Zayne in his clinic with your mother, you would bring a fresh basket of fruits and vegetables as a thank you to him. He would gladly accept it, and claimed that you and your mother were planning to stuff him with food. You both laughed and shook your heads at his words. 

When Zayne visited the marketplace to find goods, he’d looked around, and saw the same things and products sold.

 The only difference was the person selling. He looked around, and tried to spot you from amongst the crowd of voices. He bought vegetables he needed and bantered over prices. 

Zayne explained the concepts of business to you and you’d shook your head and grumbled about how he doesn’t really know a thing about how to really sell stuff to individuals. 

He followed every rule of the book and conduct of society, and yet, here you were, holding a basket of fresh produce from the garden your family has, your face kissed by the sun with your hair tied up, your smile graced your lips. 

The same smile that slowly melted through his exteriors once more and will continue to do so until the very end. 

The same smile that had caused his heart to skip a beat when he saw you again. 

The same smile that got him through medical school, the only thing he imagined her to greet him with. 

 Sometimes, he wondered if he should’ve stayed behind as a child to see her smile even more, but he didn’t regret leaving for Manila to study medicine, he didn’t regret going to Europe to learn even more.  At least, not completely. 

The only thing he ever regretted about leaving home was that he didn’t bring her and her smile with him. 

Now that he is back, he only hoped to see it even more. 

You missed him. 

That wasn’t a lie.

 Of course you did, he was still your childhood friend and companion until he left to study. You spent your whole teenage years wondering when and if he’ll be back and if things will be the same when he returns–would he even remember who you were?

But when you saw his face, his bright eyes that seemed to shift colors when the sunlight hit in different angles, his large and strong hands held onto the basket of produce he bought from you, you realized that he hasn’t forgotten you, not one single bit at all.  

Your mother noticed the way your face reddened at the mention of Zayne's name,  your father noticed the small smile that graced your lips when you tried to hide your blushing face beneath your hand. Caleb teased you both relentlessly about it, nudging Zayne by the shoulder every time you three were together once more. It was as if you were kids once again, just much older than the ages you were before. Instead of playing together, you ran errands together, and they were your most frequent customers at the market.  Your other friends had teased you too, nudging and making noises you’d glare at them for. 

And the worst of all, you noticed the way Zayne acted around you. 

It was a subtle change, but you noticed and took attention too. He was at your home more often, staying for dinner with your parents. He’d laughed at old stories your father recalled about you that you wished he’d kept quiet about. He looked at you more often, his head rested against his chin as he watched you go on and on about today, or yesterday, or any other day. And once dinner was done and everything slowed down, he hesitated to leave but always kissed your hand and said his goodbye.  You kept a straight-face most of the time, but there was no denying of the red that graced your cheeks. 

There was a time he talked to your parents. You were in the kitchen, washing the dishes as their hushed voices exchanged. There was a gut feeling that told you to listen in. Holding a wet plate in your hand, you pressed your ear closer to the wall, curious on what he’s about to say next. 

“Magtatanong ako kung bibigayan niyo ba ako ng pahintulot para ligawan si Y/N.” I want to ask your permission and blessing to court Y/N. Zayne said, his voice muffled by the barrier separating the kitchen and living room. 

There was a brief silence before he continued, “Hindi ako makakasabi na ako ay isang perpektong tao pero pinapangako ko na mamahalin ko siya ng buong puso.” I'm not perfect, but I promise to love her wholeheartedly.  

“Ang anak ba namin ang dahilan bakit tumitibok ang puso mo, ijo?” Is our daughter the person you're in love with? Your mother asked. 

Another brief silence passed before he nodded. “Opo, pero maliban po sa ganyan. Siya ang dahilan na bakit ako nabubuhay, kung bakit ako gumigising sa umaga at natutulog sa gabi. Sa totoo lang po, parang hindi ko na kayang itago ang aking nararamdaman sa kanya…” Yes, but she's more than that to me. She's the reason to everything I do and to be honest, if I hide how I truly feel for one more moment, my heart would explode.

Your heart froze in your chest before it skipped a beat. Your hand slipped, which caused the plate to fall down with a loud crash. You knelt over, and tried to gather the larger pieces, accidentally drawing blood. Your eyes widened in a panic as you scrambled up and got cleaning supplies to fix the mess your nosiness made. 

As you cleaned up, a silhouette loomed over you, the hand touched your shoulder, peering beyond and saw your bloody hand and the broken shards. 

“Ano ba nangyari rito?” What happened? Zayne’s voice broke through the thoughts inside your mind. “Patingin nga.” Let me see.  

 You showed your bloody hand to him. He inspected it, careful and precise to ensure that there would be no further injuries. He helped you sit down, before he went to  find clean cloths and water. 

“Wag kang gagalaw.” Don't move. He instructed. You nodded and tried your best to stay still. He began to clean the wound with water and soap before he left for a moment to get his first aid kit that he brought everywhere with him, especially during visiting patients. He cleaned your hand with antiseptic, his hands firm and kind. Perhaps this was why he was a well-sought out doctor. The way he treated and helped nursed his patients back to health, his firm and unwavering dedication didn’t stem from ethics alone, but was grounded in a genuine love and care for the people he spends his whole life serving and taking care of.

You winced, trying to take your hand away but he held on.

“Diba sinabi ko wag kang gagalaw?” Didn't I say not to move? He repeated himself. You nodded once more, and murmured an apology to him. He paused for a moment before continuing. 

In the silence of the kitchen table, your mind raced. 

 Ligaw. 

Courtship.

 Zayne wanted to court you, he asked your parents permission for him to court you. If tradition never mattered, you would have stepped out from where you hid  and given him permission yourself, but you kept quiet and listened on for now.

 You wondered if he knew you were swooping, or was he keeping that information to himself?  

What surprised you more was his reasoning behind the reason why he wanted to do it.

You were the reason why he survived Manila, why he survived Europe and other parts of Asia he travelled to study. 

 You were the reason why he continued on with medicine. 

You were the reason why he returned back to the province he was born and raised in. 

You were the comfort he was searched for. That warm and never ceasing comfort he has been longed for his whole life. 

You were all of these things and more, and Zayne kept that inside his chest for so long that he felt  his heart could  explode if it was kept in for a moment longer. 

“Ano bang nangyari?” What happened? He asked, wrapping your hand in gauze. 

“Nalaglag ko ang plato hinahawakan ko.” The plate fell. I tried to pick it up. You admitted. 

 He hummed, and nodded his head at your answer. He made sure it was secure before letting go and reminded you to be more careful with the things you hold and your surroundings.  

You said goodbyes, and watched him leave the house. Your hand lingered against the wood, and hoped Zayne would show up and reminded you one more time to take care of yourself before going, but that wouldn’t be happening tonight.

The next time you saw Zayne was months later.

 You were busy taking care of your parents, and he was away for a while. You tried to ask the people who worked at his clinic, or Caleb, or your own parents about where he is and neither had a proper answer to your question. 

You were worried, to say the least. Had he run away from his own feelings? Had he run away from you? No, that wouldn’t make sense for Zayne to do. You tried to think of other possible reasons to console your pacing mind. Perhaps he went to Manila to work, or perhaps visited his parents, maybe had other patients beyond their small town. 

It was the middle of the night when you found yourself awake once more, your mind lingered on with the possible reasons why he hadn't shown up, and about what you had overheard from the talk with your parents months ago. 

The windows were half-closed and allowed air inside that  kept you cool and comfortable. You tossed and turned in bed but stopped when you heard a faint sound of a guitar strummed. 

You paused and glanced at the window. Another strum and a cough. Slowly, you got up from the bed and approached the window, your hands lingered around, and thought about whether to open or keep it close. 

That's when you heard singing. 

That's when you heard Zayne singing. 

His voice was crisp and clear, emotions poured out of his mouth as he sang alongside a guitar. There were snickers here and there, perhaps from his friends but nonetheless, he continued on. 

 You smiled to yourself, and allowed his voice to soothe your troubles and worries. It went on for several more minutes, but the idea remained: please open your window and let me catch a glimpse of your face. 

As the last song finished, you opened the windows to your room and looked down, your hands covering your blushing face, still trying to act nonchalant. 

Zayne was there, his hands outstretched with a smile on his face. When he saw your face, he lowered his hands and looked  up. There was a hint of red plastered on his face too, making you crack an even bigger smile. His friends were there as well, supporting him in his endeavors to woo you over. Caleb nudges Zayne before saying something you didn’t hear. You went outside of your room, surprised to see your parents awake too. 

“Oh? Papasukin mo ba sila?” WIll you let them in? Was all the confirmation you needed from your parents before opening the door to them. Zayne sighs in relief, he has passed the first test. He greeted your parents and you as they settled down for a while. You sat beside your parents, watching them prepare the next songs. 

As Zayne sang throughout the night, he complimented various things about you. How you smiled, and carried yourself with grace , how your eyes shone under the sun and your hair formed a halo around you like an angel, how hard you worked for your family, and how you loved so tenderly and freely that it felt like a crime if he were to let go of such a chance of loving you. 

 He continued to sing alongside the guitar being played, the words seemingly flying out of his mouth as he said sweet words to you. You smiled throughout, unable to hide it any further as you lean in forward, eager to listen to him sing.

In a response to his efforts, you sang back to him. You came up with a response to his efforts, and mentioned the things you liked about him. 

His handsome face, his steady and strong hands, his dedication to his work, the way he cared about others around him and prioritized their safety first and foremost.

 You sang about accepting his love, and compared it to the home you lived in; stable and worth returning to time and time again. 

His face turned a brighter shade of red as you continued on. He tried to bury his face, but his smile was so big that his hands couldn’t seem to hide it. 

But just like you , he listened to every word said about him. 

You sang a duet together, your voices mixed with the guitar’s melody. Singing a duet together means that you had accepted his effort into wooing you over. 

In honesty, you have accepted it for a long time already.

 You know that he loved you, in any way a man like he could. He loved you in his reminders, he loved you in his touch and longing stares, and most of all, he loved you since and had only taken the leap of faith to sing his feelings about you and you were there to catch him. 

You sang a few more songs together before he finally wrapped it up with a goodbye song. He thanked your parents one more time before he and his friends left, closing the door behind them.  The silence of memory and song filled the living room but you were shifting around, glancing at the door. You bounced your leg, tapping your fingers against your bouncing knee. 

“Pupuntahan mo siya?” Will you go to him? Your mother asked, as if she read your mind. She knew you weren't the most traditional following girl especially when tradition was getting in the way of what you truly wanted.  You glanced up before nodding. 

“Puntahan mo na, ija. Sino ba ako para pigilan ka?” Go to him, my child. Who am I to stop you? 

You hugged your mother  and rushed out the door, but paused to get a shawl and change your slippers. As much as your mother allowed you to be more independent as you got older, cleanliness was a rule you followed. 

You rushed outside, the cold wind blew through your thin shawl and clothes. The full moon brightened up the way before you as the lamps slowly got dimmer and farther away. 

“Zayne!” You yelled out, causing him to stop in his tracks and ran back to you. He sets the lamp down on the ground and cupped your cheeks, making sure you weren’t hurt. 

“Ano po iyon, magandang binibini?” What is the matter, miss? He asked, “Na-istrobo ko ba kayo? Pasensya na po, Binibini pero gusto ko lang makita yung iyong mga ngiti.” If I had disturbed you, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see your beautiful smile.  

You huffed, and looked away for a moment. He chuckled, and tilted your face towards him. His eyes lingered on your lips, but kept his restraint. It was far too early or quick for him to do that. He was supposed to take his time when he courted you and you in turn, wouldn’t give in so easily. 

“At ngayon, nakita ko na ang pinakamagandang ngiti sa balat ng lupa.” And now, I've seen the most beautiful smile in the land. He smiled, his fingers lingered on your lips, “Kaya makakatulong ako ngayong gabi ng mabuti.” I will be able to sleep well tonight.  

“Pero kung ikaw makakatulong ng mabuti ngayong gabi, paano naman ba ako?” But if you will be able to sleep well tonight, how about me? You asked, your eyes glancing at his face. You cupped his cheeks in turn and pulled him close to you, making him hunched down.  

“Pwede ba kitang halikan?” May I kiss you? You whispered.

“Pwede.” Yes. He answered. 

You leaned in and held his cheeks against yours as your lips met together. A soft yet bright flame burned through you both. You closed your eyes, your hands wrapped around his neck as you stood on your toes. You pulled away and took a deep breath, your face turning even redder than ever. Zayne smiled, tracing your lips with his finger before kissing you once more. 

Once the act was done, you both stood there , wrapped in each other’s arms. The comfortable silence filled the quiet night as the moon and stars served as witnesses to a love that took years, decades, in the making. You took your hands away from him, a reminder to him to head home safely. He picked up his lamp, waved goodbye and began to walk away while you returned to the steps of your home.

Your love continued to blossom and developed, increasing in passion and devotion as time continued.

You and Zayne exchanged love letters, all of which you kept in a box hidden beneath your clothes.

There were times you’d find him outside your window, and courted you with sweet songs you’d reply to.

You would bring fresh produce to Zayne, and made sure he had a sufficient supply and in turn, Zayne used them up, creating simple and warm meals for his patients and himself.

He would buy his produce from you alone, carrying them in his arms with pride and satisfaction, knowing he had gotten it from the woman he loved and who loved him back.

As time continued to pass, he brought you around him, keeping you close as he was invited to event after event. He held your hand and proudly introduced you as the woman he loved, causing the others to stare in disbelief, awe, or envy, but neither of it truly mattered to him.

 

You were with him and that was more than enough for the both of you. In the midst of dancing crowds and conversations, you both slipped away to spend time together and danced to the beat of your rhythms rather than to an instrument. 

You became a more frequent face in the clinic he worked at, your presence brought relief to Zayne especially.

 When he went to far-fetched communities to provide them with the healthcare they needed and deserved, you were with him.  

You watched Zayne worked and cared for patients from various walks of life, age, and class, treating them all as individuals needing help. You watched him explain diagnosis to patients and possible treatment plans.  You helped him clean around, making sure that the place was spotless and disinfected from any contaminants. 

As the day comes to a close, you changed the sign to closed, indicating that clinic hours were done. You accompanied Zayne to visit his patients checked on their current statuses. 

When you both arrived back at Zayne’s , you found yourselves standing in front of the same place you both stood on years ago when he left for Manila for the first time.

Gone were the days that you were carefree children, gone were the days you played and read together, and most of all, gone were the days you admired Zayne from afar because he is in your arms. You grabbed something from your pocket, revealing a small cloth. You began to unwrap it, revealing to Zayne an old flower, its colors pressed away and its petals fragile. 

“Naalala mo ba ito?” Do you remember this?  You asked, “Yung sampanguita binigay mo sa aking pag-alis mo papuntang Manila noon?” The Jasmine flower you gave me before you left for Manila? 

Zayne smiled, and stepped closer to inspect the old and dried flower. He nodded, “Oo, naalala ko.” I remember . He answered, “At pareho sa bulaklak na ito, aalagaan at ilalagay kita sa puso ko.” And like this flower, I will keep you in my heart.  

As the years passed, both your family and his had met and had given approval should you and Zayne finally decide to settle down. There wasn’t a date as to when or where, but that's alright for the both of you. You were still enjoying your time as a couple before settling down for good. 

You were both sleeping on a duyan (hammock), the wind swinging you and Zayne gently. You rested on his chest, and heard the sound of his heart beating. A steady rhythm brought you comfort as you rested from the afternoon sun. 

 In your dreams, you and Zayne finally settled down. 

You called each other wife and husband, which turned into nanay at tatay (mother and father) when the dream children joined the picture. You’d like to imagine there are two of them, one boy and one girl that you and he would love endlessly. Perhaps both would act and look like him and you would smile and remark how they acted similar to him.  

Yes, that sounds nice. 

You continued to dream about the lives you would have one day, and saw glimpses of your modified routine,  the children’s smiles and their laughs, and the love you shared with them came from the love you and Zayne have and will continue to have.

“Gising ka na ba?” Are you up? Zayne’s voice broke through the dreams and pulled you back to reality. You glanced up at him, his hair messy and his glasses perched on his nose.  “Ano ba panaginip mo?” What did you dream about?

“Tayo.” Us.

“Tayo?”  Us?

You nodded. 

He smiled and shook his head, before he placed a kiss on your forehead, “Parang hindi ko na kailangan  managinip iyan…” I feel like, I don't need to dream about that.  

You looked up at him. “Bakit naman?” Why so? 

 He kissed the crown of your head. “Dahil, nagging totoo na siya, sinta ko.” Because, it came true, my love.  

a/n: thank you so much for reading this fic and for your love and support. i finally finished it!

[trainsinanime]

Is there a specific scientific term for what I'll call "harm construction", meaning "thinking of ways that something harms someone in order to condemn it"? There must be, right? I see it all the time and it's not new. Let me give some examples in random order.

One of the first cases where I really remember it was at least a decade ago, an online article by a British newspaper, about how an online store had put a pole dancing pole in their toys section. A bit of an embarrassing mistake but nothing more.

However, that article provided several quotes from a British couple who said they were very worried, because their kid could have seen that. It seems pretty clear that their kid did not, in fact, actually see it, but the newspaper treated their concern as if it was a genuine thing to worry about. It was utterly ridiculous.

A more recent example is a call-out ask I received a few months ago and, of course, immediately deleted, but it's still been living rent-free in my head since then, because it was so horribly bad. I'll not repeat the exact wording, but they were annoyed that their victim blog (which I don't follow and haven't for years, if ever, and they don't follow me) was annoying and sometimes said mean things. They very ineptly tried to explain that this might have been part of the reasons why someone else, completely unrelated, sent out hate messages to yet another person. That was the harm that was so big that it supposedly justified a targeted harassment campaign. (If you're the person who wrote that call-out ask, please rethink your life. You were only increasing the hate in the world, not making anything better. I suspect the sender wasn't anyone who actually follows me, but just in case).

The biggest and most prominent example of harm construction right now is of course all about trans people, bathrooms and school sports. Conservatives and TERFs alike need a reason to oppose the existence of trans people beyond "I personally find them weird", because saying that out loud gets them correctly branded as bigots. How do you turn "let's be really mean to a marginalised group" into a progressive cause? By saying that the existence of this group causes harm. The problem with that is that trans people existing does not actually cause any harm, it's literally fine.

So in an effort to construct harm after all, they have searched far and wide for something that trans people could even theoretically damage, and the only things they managed to come up with are "there might be someone with unexpected genitals behind that bathroom stall door" and "the sanctity of gender-segregated sports". If it weren't for their cultural and political power then it would almost be funny how little potential harm they managed to find and how much they have to amplify it. They're just another couple in the newspaper worried that their kid might potentially see a website.

If you look for it, harm construction is everywhere, because we all sort of agree on a surface level that dividing people into "normal, acceptable" and "weird, must be punished" isn't nice, but the instinct to punish people for being "weird" is still alive and well and many people refuse to question it.

At a completely different end, anytime someone uses the word "normalisation" about a fanfic on Ao3, that's another example. We all know making blorbos do weird things doesn't actually hurt anybody (assuming proper tagging and so on), but we still want to punish people who do it wrong. So we construct harm, by arguing that seeing something on Ao3 might "normalise" the thing and make it more likely that someone will do it in real life.

These examples are very different, at very different ends of almost all scales of power and cultural influence and meaning, but the core idea is always the same. So, yeah. There must be a better term for this.