#i haven't ever re-read it because i just know its so bad

[violetwhisperswolfstar]

The Evolution Of A Wolfstar Girlie

(with my fic recommendations)

me aged 10-23: there will never be a book I like more than Harry Potter. I love books and read all the time but Harry Potter is above anything. Reread HP everytime I am feeling down.

me aged 24-30: I lost the ability to read for pleasure. Just read to my kids and A LOT for work.

me at 31: *after a random tiktok video* Sirius and Remus were TOGETHER together?! Never even crossed my mind!!!

But... I get it.

But like... JKR didn't write it. Fanfic is just amateurs writing, right? I have enough of reading as is, I have to read for my job (I'm a translator).

But... They promised it's a HP experience. And I do have an eReader... It costs nothing to try it.

But... What the hell is ao3? What is smut??? Fluff??? HEA? MCD??? Cannon?? AU? Excuse me, is this English?!

The following then happend over 2 months time:

📖 Reading All the Young Dudes

OK, this is really very much like HP. I am getting hooked. This is ACTUALLY what happend, right? Like this is amazingly written. How is this not a real book? (What IS a real book and how do I not know this being a book translator?!) Are Sirius and Remus getting together in this one?

Oh my!

Actually, I've not been this obsessed with a book in like 10+ years.

Reading all through the night (with three kids, mind you, so a very stupid idea)

🎶Love this music!!! Have always loved rock, Queen, Beatles, Bowie, led Zeppelin… You name it. But this makes it better!!!

Finishing ATYD: OMG! OMG! I AM OBSESSED. They need to be together forever. I need to re-read it.

A SEX SCENE in Harry Potter?! EXCUSE YOU! Like… Didn't know I needed that. Thank you.

Of course they had teenage sex at that school. Yes to a giant snake killing people with its sight and no to some friendly petting? Yeah, sure, JKR! Be for real! Never thought about it like that before. And of course they had parties. And smoked (weed) and did drugs. Like… It's a boarding school for heaven's sake! this is much more realistic. Finally know what smut is and I am here for it.

I want a cigarette SO BAD right now (haven't smoked for YEARS)

googling specifics of gay sex because I never thought about it (and I live in a very conservative country) (and like I had QUESTIONS, excuse you, like can you just do butt stuff without prep?!)

finding 📖 explicit one-shots from ATYD

📖 Reading ATYD sirius's POV:

This is ALSO good. So... fanfics on the internet can just... be amazing, right? How has this existed for years and I did not know about it?? Sirius is obsessed LOL. He fell first and he fell harder, the poor boy.

My husband is SO MUCH like Remus. (personality-wise). Guess I know my type, lol.

These fanfics are written better than majority of books I've read. I'm utterly amazed.

📖 Reading Out of the Blue and Bootleg Tapes:

OK, I needed some healing. Happy for Grant and all. But I need wolfstar more.

📖 We could be heroes (finding out what a "fix-it fic" is)

Yes! Wolfstar endgame! A happy ending! Yes!!

Intrusive thoughts: Is ATYD wolfstar like… toxic?

Are they ever happy?

Don't go there, brain!!

Trying to heal with 📖Manacled, then DMATMOOBIL.

Like Dramione. But wolfstar is far superior.

Also have to note that Draco is amazing in bed.

Not a sentence I've ever thought I utter or think. Ever.

Finding 📖 Cadence Of Part-time Poets

sceptical.

How can muggle AU be good? Don't I like all this because of the magic?

Reading it, re-reading it.

Buying an e-cigarette (cause I have to DEAL ffuck's sake and they smoke in like every second scene and ecigarrete is the least of all evil)

Obsessing.

Cannot get enough.

Best. Thing. Ever. Written.

Somehow more magic than magic U.

DOES REGULUS LIKE JAMES?

Seeing the possibilities of Jegulus (is everyone gay in the end? Excuse me, Am I GAY at this point ?)

THE MUSIC OMG THE MUSIC IS MUSICING!!! I am in love with the music! How are Marauders not a band in cannon?! Like that's obviously what they were always supposed to be! Lottie, Simon, Tonya, Tomny… They ARE cannon for me lol. They were there and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Cannot read more, afraid I will lose this Cadence feeling. Just re-reading the best scenes over and over. Stalking motswolo's tumblr. Consuming all there is about Cadence out there. Trying to talk to people about it but noone reads fanfics here!

Can we like start a gofund me for them to get therapy??? I want to see them diagnosed, aware of their traumas and forever together.

Also, why is Remadora a thing? Thank god it wasn't in Cadence (yet) but sometimes i remember it exists and like… vomit internally. Gosh, I rly hate JKR. She just did it to discourage Wolfstar.

getting to read 📖 Black Mass Over Highway 90:

Very sceptical at first.

It's American… and Marauders are essentially English. Remus somewhere in Texas… of all places? Afraid this won't be my cup of tea... Cowboy Remus?! wtf

OMG.

OMG.

This scene basically porn… right? Why do I LOVE THIS?!

Remus is DADDY! Officer Moons!!! He can get it. Like omg. Cowboy Lupin FTW!!

THIS IS the SMUT, RIGHT?! Like do I even want to watch porn at this point? How am I - a cis female in a hetero relationship of 14 years with 3 kids - finding this SO HOT?!

📖 Reading Blends

Also very sceptical.

But... it's so sweet! Is this fluff? Am I discovering fluffy fics? Now, this is comfort reading! Coffe-shop AU? Like, this is where I want to die, my friends! This is so sweet, so incredibly sweet, and I DO NOT miss Voldy and his stupid war one bit, like to hell with him, he can order an Americano and Remus will decaf him at this point!

I am in LOVE!

📖 Reading Names (Blends sequel) because can you do anything else at this point?

Now this is... a whole other thing. It is fluffy, yes. But it goes deeper. And... wider somehow?

It's the first WIP I give a chance.

Cluster headaches are an AMAZING parallel to lycantrophy.

HOW exactly are people this talented just out there publishing fanfics?!

And this "slice of life" thing IS doing it for me. Like really.

📖 Reading Crimson Rivers

Is there anything else besides angst in this?

Wait, James likes... Regulus?!

discovering Jegulus -

wow. I am utterly amazed... cannot put this down at any point of the day. Reading while breastfeeding, reading all through the night. Reading all through the day. Learning how to read and braid my hair at the same time.

I keep thinking - why DO I love gay man/boys stories? How did it come to this? How is this FREE? How do I GIVE BACK to these AMAZING authors that are just doing incredible things for me? Like this is everything I've ever wanted from a book... and they're not even getting paid for this?!

📖 Reading a bunch of short fics inbetween (honorable mentions: Like Real People Do, That's the Art of Getting by, Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming, Pages of You - discovering Drarry, thinking Drarry is less angst because there's less homophobia in the 90s,

📖 Reading Only the Brave

OK, it's Jegulus, let's give it a chance...

OMG

OMG

OMG

I feel like ever since getting into this fandom, I'm just falling and falling and falling. Falling... In love.

This is so good, you guys. I love JEGULUS!

But as long as WOLFSTAR are together, I can deal (took them half a fic to get together, so please don't do anything stupid!)

I. CANNOT. STOP. READING. WOLFSTAR.

In every universe.

Wolfstar & fanfic taught me not to have any prejudice. And I also discovered that I was quite prejudiced without being aware of it!

I can read anything with those two... just don't break my heart and just let them be together.

Wolfstar made me read again and actually enjoy it. It's been several thousands of pages in a couple of months and I don't regret the lack of sleep…

They are soulmates. In every universe. I don't know what this fetish is called but I need them to be together, see them together, read them together. Love them both. Just need them to be happy.

I am completely amazed at the sheer power the internet has, that an online community has. This is my new obsession and I am utterly devoted to it. It taught me and gave me SO MUCH. I will forever be learning how to give anything back.

Thank you.

[copperfirebird]

I'm not putting this on my fandom blog because ultimately it's not fandom specific... but since we're talking about mental health as fic writers and fandom people, I asked myself, should I insert myself into this conversation?

Because if I'm not on Tumblr, I would not have an excuse to avoid doing my accounting homework and while I do find figuring depreciation to be calming I don't want to do it before today.

Backstory: I don't talk about it a whole lot aside from reblogging things but I do deal with a cattywampus brain. Some parts of it I consider just "the way I am" and I'd be perfectly fine if society wasn't built around assumptions of a certain type of neurotypicality. Some... less so, particularly the Anxiety/OCD/Depression cocktail. (Lexapro my beloved.)

I have a couple of different thoughts that have been percolating since your original post a couple of days ago, T, and the post I saw when I opened tumblr today definitely made me think about RSD, one of my least favorite ADHD side effects.

I've seen more discussion of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in the last couple of years, maybe because we're staying determined to talk about mental health despite efforts to Bring Back Stigma from some corners, maybe just because it's more well-known as it gets talked about more and it's a spiraling effect.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is why I don't allow guest comments on AO3. I love that some of y'all think that one troll is funny and don't take it personally and more power to you, I wish I could, but I know damn well that criticism fucks with my head. And I came up writing fic on LJ, I remember taking "Is your OC a Mary Sue" tests and tweaking the fuck out of my original Sailor Scouts because I wanted a good grade in fanfic. I want a good grade in friendship, something that is both reasonable to want and possible to achieve.

Sidebar: I haven't actually watched more than one season of MLP:FIM but somehow I know that is the most Twilight Sparkle sentence that I have ever uttered.

I could get one thousand good comments and one person complaining that Xaden is supposed to be a selfish asshole and I'm not writing him as enough of one will ruin everything because my brain is a fucking liar.

(There was a whole thing here about scrupulosity and actually I'm going to make that its own post.)

Like you've heard of a complement sandwich, right? Good thing-crit-good thing, supposed to make it so you don't feel like shit?

RSD means you could give me a complement sandwich with every fucking topping in the Subway and all I'd be able to taste is the banana pepper of one tiny critique. It doesn't even have to be meant as a critique. It's just what the RSD hones in on.

And then I second guess all of my reactions to other people, too! Because of the RSD/social anxiety/scrupulosity combo, it's all one big mixing bowl mess of a salad... sandwich... can you tell I'm writing this on my lunch hour?

I try to comment on everything I read... but sometimes something already has like thirty comments, and I ask myself if I have anything to add or will people think I'm just commenting for... I don't even know. Attention? It doesn't make sense. I know it doesn't make sense.

Knowing it, and even being able to deal with it most of the time, doesn't mean it isn't still happening. And sometimes all I can do to make it stop is close all the tabs and feel like a bad friend.

Don't even get me started on responding to comments as an author... I know I should but I'm also hung up on, well, if I start now, how far back should I go/what if people are upset if I didn't reply to theirs/what if I don't reply correctly. It's ridiculous! My brain is broken! I know this for a fact! But I can't always work around it.

Sometimes all I can do, sometimes the very best thing I can do, is close the tabs and focus on what I can do. To borrow yet another metaphor, I can't stop the shitty venin sage in the back of my head from whispering at me, but I can tell him to fuck off and reinforce my shields and go do something else. (Like Violet.)

I don't have a point anymore, I don't have a clever ending. I'm just putting it out there in the hope that maybe it helps someone know where at least some of this anxiety comes from?

[moongothic]

Re-analyzing Crocodile in Marineford

So when I started falling down the Crocodad rabbithole, I did start by rereading Marineford to doublecheck the claims about whether or not Crocodile's behaviour truly was odd during the arc. And I did go into it with a good amount of scepticism, trying to find holes in the theory after having just learned about it. Well, it's been like a year now. I do feel like I've formed a strong idea of the Crocodad theory in my head, what we need to assume for it to be a viable theory, what supports it and where its weaknesses lie.

The thing about storytelling though is that you can read into things in truly wild ways if you want to find a way to support a theory, while also failing to understand/forgetting the pre-existing lore and what we know about certain characters.

So I want to reread Marineford again, but this time, having an understanding of the theory, I want to rethink how the Crocodad theory actually applies to this arc, and compare it to a more neutral reading, based on what we know about The Man of the Hour and what Oda actually (probably) wanted us to take away from the events of the story. So we're re-analyzing Crocodile in Marineford, but from two angles. The Normie Neutral Angle and the Crocodad Propaganda Angle.

Is this partially because I want to just prove to myself that I am actually delusional about Crocodad and been reading into things in the completely wrong way? So that when Oda finally debunks the theory I will be emotionally ready for it because otherwise the disappoinment will shatter my heart into a million pieces? Yes. Yes, that is why this post exists. But also I have wanted to do this for a while now because I did think it would be fun to return to this arc now that I'm MORE than familiar with the theory. Point is, I'm not here trying to ruin the fun for my Fellow Crocodad Truthers. I'm here to lower my own expectations and give myself a reality check.

So immidiately after arriving in Marineford in Chapter 558 Crocodile makes his way to Moby Dick to kill Whitebeard. Luffy forces him to back off for a second so the two can have a chat before he storms off to get to Ace. At this point, Sengoku gives everyone orders to kill Luffy because he is Dragon's son, making sure everyone on the battlefield knows too

Propaganda: The lack of Crocodile's reaction here is incredibly suspicious. So much so I wrote a whole metapost about that subject on its own.

The lack of Crocodile's reaction however could be just chalked up as his reaction not being important in this moment. Crocodile doesn't care about Luffy, he's only here to get Whitebeard's head and thus has more important things to worry about in this moment than that rubbery idiot.

Next time we see Crocodile is in Chapter 560. He's been blown away and off the Moby Dick. And while he is trying to get back on the ship so he can fight Whitebeard, he is failing miserably at it (being hindranced by mere goons) and is clearly fucking annoyed about it

Propaganda: His gloomy expression and hidden eyes are suspicious, considdering this is soon after hearing Sengoku's announcement. If Crocodile just learned Luffy is his son, then in the past few minutes we haven't seen him he has gone from learning that truth, to realizing he nearly killed his own son with his own hand (three times), to knowing Luffy has ran off straight into the lion's den and most likely certain doom, and understanding that even if he wanted to help Luffy, Luffy fucking hates his guts and wouldn't want his help anyway (+Luffy wouldn't know about their blood relation, now would not be the time to break the news, if ever). Luffy does have help in the form of the rest of the WB Pirates, Jinbei and Ivankov, so it may be for the best to Crocodile to try to focus on what he came to Marineford to begin with; getting his petty revenge and taking WB's head. But still, that shocking revelation could be getting under his skin, he might be having a bad time digesting everything.

Croc's petty revenge gets distracted by Jozu blasting Crocodile off and Doflamingo joining the fun by annoying Crocodile even more, until Crocodile sends the pink bastard flying out of his sight. He seems to continue trying to reach Whitebeard without any progress until WB gets stabbed by Squard, which causes Crocodile to burst out with a shocking amount of emotion

We know Crocodile has trust issues. We don't know what caused them, though a likely assumption might be that he may have been betrayed by someone (if not multiple people) in the past. Although impossible to confirm, if that is the case then watching Whitebeard get betrayed by one of his own could be a bad reminder of what may have happened to him in the past, not helped by Whitebeard immidiately choosing to forgive his son, something Crocodile might not be able to accept as easily.

Additionally, we know that Crocodile lost to Whitebeard when WB was in his prime. In this moment Croc would realize and have to face the fact that Whitebeard is an old man, he's not the same as the Primebeard who crushed Croc so long ago. Meaning, whatever catharsis Crocodile may have yearned for, he would not be able to actually get. There is no satisfaction to killing a weak, dying man.

Propaganda: This moment may have forced Crocodile to reflect on his weird relationship with his extranged son. Whitebeard forgave his foolish son for stabbing him, and while Crocodile may have no lingering grudge against Luffy for thwarting his plans in Alabasta... would Luffy ever forgive him for all the things he did? Could Luffy forgive him?

Crocodile then proceeds to stop Ace's premature execution attempt, and when confronted about it by Doflamingo, Crocodile confirms he has not taken Whitebeard's side.

This reinforces our understanding that Crocodile loathes the World Goverment so much he'd rather spare one of Whitebeard's own than let the WG get what they want. This is not a pro-WB move, this is just an anti-WG move

Propaganda: For one, Croc's hate of the WG could support to the idea he may have been involved with the Rev Army at some point, even if just temporarily. But most importantly, indeed, he did NOT spare Ace for Whitebeard's sake, which leaves us with only two other options; he did it for his own sake (=spite against the WG), or for Luffy's sake. He has seen the desperation and the efforts Luffy will go to for his loved ones, so Crocodile could only imagine the heart break Luffy would go through if he lost someone dear to him. So, even if his son hates him, he can't just sit by and watch Luffy get shattered right in front of him

As he is rushing to reach Ace, Luffy uses his Conqueror's Haki by accident to stop another execution attempt, which leads Whitebeard to order all his men to back up Luffy. As he runs, Luffy is almost cut down by Mihawk, only slowed down by Daz Bones and then finally stopped by Crocodile

Considdering Mihawk's earlier comments about Luffy's terrifying power of bringing people together to follow him, this is meant to be just a call back to that; not even Sir Crocodile is immune to Luffy's draw, much to Croc's own annoyance. Which isn't great, considdering he's already in a horrendous mood over Whitebeard, who had just now given his approval and acknowledge'd Luffy's value on the battlefield (after having ignored Crocodile nearly this entire time)

Propaganda: If Luffy is Croc's son then of course he would not let Mihawk kill him right in front of his face. Crocodile's foul mood and solemn expression is also explained by the realizations that hit him after Sengoku's announcement (as I explained earlier)

The war continues, Ace is freed and then killed by Akainu, causing Luffy's brain to shut down out of shock. Crocodile seems to watch Whitebeard's final stand though where he is and what he's doing exactly is vague during this time.

Jimbei however announces he has chosen protect Luffy with his life and is on the run with Luffy in his arms, while Akainu pursues them, eventually catching them and wounding both, severely.

Crocodile jumps in at last second, cutting Akainu in half and blasting Jimbei+Luffy out of his reach, allowing the two to finally escape.

Crocodile's comments here are calling back to two things. The latter is about his hatred of the World Government and not wanting them to have what they want, especially after WB finally kicked the bucket and they took Ace's life. Not wanting the WG to get the third bird with the same stone, Croc is making it his personal duty to be the biggest thorn in the WG's side right now. But the former, "if you want do protect something, do it right" calls back to Alabasta. Crocodile made it clear then and there that weakness is a sin, and only the strong can afford to have idealistic views (like Vivi wanting to save her people and her country). Crocodile berating Jimbei here is a lecture; if Jimbei claims he's going to protect Luffy with his own life, then actually put your money where your mouth is and do it. Jimbei, a (former) Warlord just like Crocodile, should be able to do better than this.

Propaganda: Crocodile''s comments at Jimbei are a confession; he has someone he wants to protect no matter what (and that's his son). Also, the phrase "love is always a hurricane" has been repeated over this Saga numerous times, and while it has been in reference to romantic love... What did Crocodile save Luffy's life with if not a sand twister, a hurricane?

The war ends and we see Crocodile looking solemn over everything that has transpired.

Maybe he is quietly paying his respects to Whitebeard and taking it all in.

Propaganda: The last Crocodile saw of Luffy was the unconcious, wounded boy being taken into a submarine that vanished into the waves, followed by Kizaru and Aokiji's attempts to sink the ship. Crocodile has no idea if the ship survived the attacks or has already sunken, but even if they managed to escape, between the grave wounds Luffy had recieved and the trauma of Ace dying, the boy's survival was not quaranteed. The war could break Luffy, forever. And there'd be nothing Crocodile could do about it. It was out of his hands now.

After taking some time to recover, Luffy, together with Jimbei and Rayleigh go have some fun in Marineford and pay their respects to Whitebeard, ending up on the news that even Crocodile gets to read about.

(Sidenote but Viz's official translation here is a bit off, "The cheeky rascal" isn't about Luffy but is directed at Daz, so it should be "You cheeky rascal")

He has recovered from his wounds and the frustrating disappointment of Whitebeard dying (and not by his hand), but is ready to set out into the New World, Luffy's infectious energy seemingly having inspired him once again to see what the seas have to offer.

Propaganda: Daz's comment here is strange, as he makes it sound like Crocodile had been like... what, moping? Sulking? For the past few weeks after the war? Crocodile's reaction to Daz's comment ("Are you sassing me you little shit") doesn't help either. It certainly makes it sound like Croc had been in the dumps, but considdering he would've had no idea what fate fell upon his son until now, yeah, him being worried and depressed would make sense. As would the way he immidiately perks up after finding out the idiot son is just fine

And that's it, that wraps up Summit War.

It's kind of sad, really, how when you get down to it Crocodad does make perfect sense in all of these scenes (maybe some more than others). But the Crocodile acts during this arc isn't weird when you get down to it, his behaviour is completely reasonable considdering everything else that is going down around him and the little we do know about his view of the world. And that fact makes Crocodad so easy to just brush aside as looking too deep into things when it's not meant to be that deep

But also, Oda is insane, and you can never fucking know when something WAS meant to be that deep from the begining until he gives out the full truth and spills the beans

Did I come here trying to debunk Crocodad for myself? Yes. Did I succeed at doing that? Not really. Did I have fun regardless? Yeah, and I hope this was at least vaguely interesting to some of you

[ananke-xiii]

Form and Void... Hands and Hearts.

Intro + the post before this you kinda need to read them all or it won't make a lot of sense lol

Dean and Crowley's relationship is not fun.

Full disclosure here: I have no problems in terms of shipping and having fun with the characters outside of what's canon but I personally don't see Dean's canon relationship with Crowley as "fun", it's not something that I particularly enjoy watching. Like, the actors are great etc. but the actual story makes me feel... uncomfortable. I actually find it sad that Dean's still attached to Crowley because, as much as I like him as a character, the King of Hell acts like a total predator towards Dean and this episode highlights this side of their relationship in uncomfortable ways. So be warned that things get a little ugly from here.

Let's see how food is treated in the episode: Crowley is presented as "Father Crowley" while he puts sugar in his tea and calls Dean "a rather scrumptious altar boy". The image I get from this is both that of the sugar daddy and, because of the religious references, of the scandals surrounding the Vatican and its priests (I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can but the show is really not and Crowley literally makes a reference to these events later on in the episode).

Father Crowley is a piece of shit.

He will later pull up in a van and kidnap young Amara with this line:

My, haven't you grown into a sweet young thing? Want some candy, little girl?

If we consider that Amara and Dean are connected (by the mark that's above Amara's heart and that was on Dean's right arm) Dean and Crowley's past relationship doesn't look so much fun anymore (well, it never was fun to begin with as I've written although the show did its best to make it look like it was fun with the karaoke, the cowboy hats and the sex. I mean, on paper it does look like fun if we can just forget that Dean was very much Crowley's guinea pig).

In case you were wondering, Dean and Amara are bound, guys.

Crowley here is the preacher/hunter of "The Night of the Hunter". He dresses like a priest but he's hunting for demons (yeah, I know, it's a clear reference to "The Exorcist" too). He happens to find "the child that eats the souls" and proceed to kidnap her. I mean, brrrrr.

And how does Dean feel about it? He still loves him! Poor, poor, poor Dean.

While Sam went for the heart of Poor Guy with the electrocution device, the angels went for Cas' heart (and other parts too) with the angel blades, Dean goes for Crowley's heart with Ruby's knife. Unlike Sam and the angels, he doesn't finish what he had set up to do.

Dean's knife is pointed at Crowley's heart but I'm bad at taking screenshots so this is what you get.

Instead, he pins Crowley's to the wall by stabbing his left hand (the hand of love and receiving) with an angel blade. Visually, it's quite similar (not the same, similar) thing that happened to Cas at the end of S10. It couldn't be more sexual (angels blades are the dicks, also interesting choice of weapon to stab Crowley: Cas' ghost in their relationship is ever present) and more problematic: in a heartbeat Dean goes from prey to predator.

They re-used this very explicit image in S12.

Just like Dean is bound to Amara, he's still bound to his former abuser Crowley. And, I mean, from a storytelling pov it tracks because Amara is very much Crowley's and Dean's baby ("You're very maternal, Dean"). Yeah, I can hear your "ewwww" from here knowing where they went with Dean and Amara but I didn't write the show, they did and I'm picking up the things they've put down. Anyway, Dean and Crowley's relationship will be over only once Dean's not bound to Amara anymore. Or, at least, it should be but like any love triangle writers liked to milk it unti it was dry, i.e. one of the three permadied. This is why, I think, we had the echoes of the same trite trope in S12 too and if you enjoyed it good for you. For me it was torture.

Demons would be the perfect angels. Sam too.

A SPN-related theory of mine is that demons would make perfect angels. Both demons and angels are cursed with the "I get what I want" mentality. Abbadon said it, Crowley says it again in this episode. It's a very angel-like mentality, however demons are unironically more likely to put in the effort, follow the guidelines, work behind the curtains. They would be perfect angels for Chuck.

Ironically this time, angels and demons have hardly ever gotten what they wanted (hello Castiel!). They all tend to work in a certain direction only for the result to backfire in the end or leave them dead. Which reminds of a certain character named Sam Winchester.

"Form and Void" is an episode that explicity parallels Sam to the angels and to Crowley. Sam and Crowley's parallels are my everything. Up until s8 they were quite obvious while after that they're in the story's backbone rather than clearly on screen. If you care, this is one of the reasons why Crowley and Lucifer's power struggle could've been way more interesting if they had thrown in Sam in some capacity instead of doing whatever they did with Sam in s12. *breathes and calms down*

The End (of this rambling post).

"Form and Void" foreshadows how S11 would end: dark and light becoming One. It's something that US tv shows (tended to) do a lot when they deal with Christian themes: when they're going a little over the edge and very close to blasphemy they pull a "Eastern Mysticism" card to signal that they were just kidding! In SPN they did the same thing to Jack in s15. When they deal with God they use buddhist concepts as a cop-out to avoid doing things that may upset Christian believers (and no, canon bisexual God is less of a threat than canon God's older sister who's more powerful, female-presenting and holding a huuuuge grudge or than having a world with no God, no Hell and no Heaven).

Hands and hearts are a huge motifs and they signal what the characters will be doing and/or their true intention/identity. In order to see this, though, one must pay appention to the scene shown at the very beginning of the episode, a scene from the movie "The Night of the Hunter". This specific scene tells us that what we see is the opposite of what the writers mean and that the core theme of S11 is not so much God vs The Darkness but rather love. This love, however, lies in cages protected by keys and it's secret and forbidden but, as that scene tells us, love's a-winnin'. To save the day and let Love still win we've got a giant plot-twist in the form of maternal love and the resurrection of Mary Winchester. The heart's needs are met, its wants are still unknown. You can't always get what you want... SPN really did believe that.

[differenteagletragedy]

i was reading through your blog and omg musicals!!!! a theater kid, myself, i'd love if you'd write some headcanons about a broadway/musical star mc, if its not too close to your famous mc headcanons! also, i'd love to hear if you think the ol1 boys can sing and who would help mc practice (both lines and singing)! also who would sing along with mc while they're doing chores/housework/etc or if they'd just listen/hum/etc! you can just assume theyre poly with mc for this, if it makes it easier! :)

Listen. Listen. I love this so much. I am also a theatre kid (so much that I am forced to spell it with the "re" at the end) and I have many thoughts.

Also, Bobby from Company is Baxter after he reconnects with MC and friends, with an MC that ends up with Cove or Derek and this is just a fact. Evidence:

This is a video of single Baxter with his ten friends in five couples: Cove and MC, Derek and Tamarack, Terry and Miranda, Jude and Scott, and Qiu and OLNF MC.

ANYWAY.

-- Cove is such a fanboy. He's there to see your shows literally every time he can make it and will be disappointed if he can't come. He knows all the words to all the songs and a lot of the dialogue too. He is so proud.

-- Did you get to make a recording of your show? Try to get Cove to play something else in the car, I dare you.

-- Derek is also a big big fan, he is telling anyone who will listen about how he's your friend/boyfriend/husband. Jorge might have to tell him to chill a little bit but he's just so EXCITED.

-- He will make a point to pick you up after your evening shows. The crew knows him, so he just comes backstage after and will walk with you out the stage door. It's late and people are unpredictable, and he wants to keep you safe.

-- Baxter, surprise, also a big fan! If you started Broadway after the breakup in Step 3 then he may not figure it out, Broadway stars aren't as mainstream as movie or pop stars, for example. But he'll obviously find out when you're brought back together in Step 4 and he'll have some much research to do on you during those lost years!

-- He'll be streaming your recordings and just feeling so many things.

-- But maybe in Step 3 you've decided to pursue your theatrical dreams! A last summer at home before you move to New York, perhaps. Let Baxter take your headshots for you! He will be so good at it. He will also style you.

-- If this is the case, that you move after Step 3, I don't think Cove will move too. He could! But I can't picture him leaving the California coast. Long distance love. He and Cliff come in to see your big shows.

-- Cliff cries. Cove does too, he got it from his dad.

-- Maybe Derek will blow off a big game because it's his only chance to come see you. He feels bad about it, but he's not going to miss your big moment.

-- I haven't thought about this too much shut up

-- Boys at the Tonys! Baxter is going to KILL IT. I've talked about this with the general famous MC stuff lol, the awards show stuff, but he's going to dress to impress. So will Derek, this is very important and the boy who wore a polka dot bowtie at 13 isn't going to pull out any stops.

-- You're going to have to tell Cove to button all his buttons though, it's not the time for your cleavage baby

-- I think Baxter is the only one who could carry a tune, but he wouldn't try to get technically good. Cove is bearable with his singing. Derek really is not, but he has so much fun with it that no one would ever tell him to stop.

-- They'll all help you with your lines. Derek might actually learn lines instead of reading them from a script so he can help you practice while he's driving or something. And yeah, that's a lot, but that's just who he is.

-- If you're just having fun singing, in the car or doing chores or whatever, then they'll all sing with you. But if they catch you really going for it in the shower or something, they will all just stop and listen because oh my GOD

[melishade]

Attack on Prime Chapter 90: The Big Twist

Spoilers ahead if you haven't read the chapter. I recommend that you do if you haven't.

So.....

let’s talk about Primus. Eh?

So looking back on the Transformers franchise as a whole, Primus himself isn't really capitalized on. In a few of the shows, he’s only name-dropped or doesn’t even exist like TFA. In shows like TFP and the book the Covenant of Primus, he is alluded to and even given a brief backstory of his and Unicron’s origins before shifting gears to the Primes and their dynamics, but never makes an on screen appearance. He’s shown as the core and that’s it. We don’t know what he looks like in the Aligned Continuity. I think there is a toy out for him, but it was never said to be official. The only Transformers content that really explores on Primus is the IDW comics. Where Primus has aligned himself with three other transformer deities, but one of them got really angry with him for some reason and as punishment, got rid of his god powers, made everyone forget ever knowing him after he so much as left the room. (Look my info on IDW is spotty. I never got the chance to read the comics in full. Although god being a therapist is hilarious).

Besides IDW, there aren’t many interpretations or characterizations of Primus, which is a damn shame, considering we’ve always seen Unicron in almost all Transformers iterations. So it was something that I’ve always wanted to take a crack at: putting my own spin on the creator of the Transformers. I wanted to bring him into Attack on Prime, but before the AOT story was completed, I had no clue how to bring Primus into the story without it sounding so contrived and out of nowhere. I couldn’t have him pop out in the sky, tell everyone to stop fighting, and then have him leave, confusing everyone. It wouldn’t have made sense. In fact, I was all but ready to scrap the idea for AOP…until the Paths chapters dropped in the AOT manga, and I realized:

And I immediately got to work on how to incorporate Primus into the story while also making it make sense. Which took a while. I’ve worked on multiple rewrites of Primus’ character and his interactions with Eren and Zeke before creating the final draft for the chapter. I started my brainstorming of my characterization of Primus in late 2019 with the document titled RELGN 132 (which was the title of a religion course I took at UCLA, so fairly on the nose). So yeah, I’ve been working on it for 4+ years.

But first let’s talk about the multiple lead up I’ve had up until this point, because again, I’m meticulous with my foreshadowing. Chapter of foreshadowing include:

Chapter 45 Chapter 69 Chapter 70 Chapter 72 Chapter 77 Chapter 81 Chapter 82 Chapter 86

(And a bunch of other additional chapter do have foreshadowing and there is a small inkling of Primus' presence, and I might explain that later, but I want to see if people can piece it together by re-reading the chapter. If not, then I'll probably just say it outright, IDK.)

But, some moments might’ve been noticeable, some not so much. I knew that I didn’t want Primus’ introduction in the Paths to feel out of nowhere. Eren and Zeke are talking and suddenly this guy just pops out of nowhere. I needed him to be alluded to, which is where the 4th notebook and Pieck come in, oh and also Unicron. Well, at least Unicron's powerset.

In the Covenant of Primus, Primus and Unicron are said to come from the same being: The One, who split apart due to its own internal conflict regarding the state of the universe. If Primus and Unicron come from the same being, they must have the same abilities. Or similar abilities at least. One of the abilities should include: using their blood to communicate with others who carry their blood. Dark energon flows through Unicron while energon flows through Primus. Through energon, all Cybertronians are connected and return to the place they spawned from after their death, regardless of how good or bad their intentions were. If this concept can apply to Cybertronian, surely it could apply to titan shifters, who’s powers even defy death itself on some level. Once all the titan shifters, or at least the Founder, had access to energon, Primus had access to them, and would have found a way to enter the Paths, either through his own power or Vector’s help, since the Paths operate outside of space time. (Primus himself will provide a brief explanation in the Paths II. And the In Between OVA that I keep bringing up, is simply AOP from Primus' perspective. God I am so happy I can say that now!)

But because the Paths operate outside of space and time and the fact that the full powers of the Founder hadn't been utilized on the flow of time, Primus lacked the tools he needs to figure out what the hell was going on or even eliminate the power of the titans. He is flung through the memories and lives of each titan shifter; however, some memories are blocked from him and he doesn’t know why. And because of Primus lack of control, he can’t properly interact with the world around him. He can only interact with other titan shifters as a distorted image. A shadow. He can’t give so much information to Kruger and Pieck. He can only provide images, hidden clues because of the barrier between them. And Primus wants to learn about the truth of the AOT world, so he sees through their eyes and listens to their stories. Even when Kruger and Pieck interact with Primus and even touch him, they are met with a warm, gentle, touch of comfort. Something to show that he is other worldly. In addition to that, the allusion to the overlap of voices, how Primus knows about even that happened thousands of years into the past, his glowing blue eyes, how he forces Kruger to feel the pain and suffering of the people he turned into titans, how Primus had called Megatron and Arcee by name before asking Pieck to believe in Optimus, proclaiming he would be the one to end the power of the titans. The longer Primus is on screen as the shadow, the more ‘in your face’ the information becomes. If you haven’t pieced together the shadow is Primus, then at the very least, you know that the shadow is Cybertronian.

Other pieces of information that are not so subtle, is actually the local therapist Rung in the Cybertron OVA. If you know your transformers lore, then you should know that Rung is Primus. That was one of the obvious bits of information that I was incorporating here. Some of the interactions that Rung has includes him not batting an eye when Starscream lashes out at him and catches the energon cube with such ease that he completely forgets to react the way a normal person would. The scene that Rung had alone where he looks at the Jackhammer in a remorse manner, almost as if he knows what’s going to happen but can’t do anything about it. Finally, when Rung places a comforting hand on Arcee, Arcee notes that the hand feels warm and comforting, and she feels a swell of emotions. Ya know, like every other interaction he’s had with humans on screen. Not to mention that Rung recommended that Arcee leave the planet on purpose because of prior knowledge of the AOT world because I’ve hinted at the fact that Primus in the story right now is from a time where the events of AOT haven’t happened yet. Right before he sends Optimus (Of course, this will be explain more cohesively within the In between OVA, which is going to focus on Primus and what’s he’s been doing throughout the AOP story).

More subtle bits of information when foreshadowing Primus’ role in the story is the drawing of Optimus Prime’s holoform, or rather Primus, from the 4th notebook. The drawing is led to believe and cement the fact that the Attack Titan can see into the future. Which is true, Primus’ appearance in the story is a future event, however, I have to make a note that what they are looking at is not Optimus. It’s Primus wearing Optimus’ face. So I had to have someone who would take notice of the way that Primus is wearing Optimus’ face. Erwin had to be the observation because he’s the only human that has been known to notice those subtle details and connections. He of course brought this up with Megatron and Megatron does notice the difference. But the drawing is not Megatron’s concern, assuming that someone trying to interpret someone from memory is going to get a few details wrong. Also, they have other priorities to take care of besides a drawing from the past. Megatron and ultimately Erwin let it go, but I’m letting the audience know, something is clearly up. Adding on top of that, Kruger has never met Optimus, but he had seen the shadow’s face before dying. That should be another indicator that it’s not Optimus. It’s the shadow. It’s Primus.

Finally, the more subtle indication of Primus’ presence in the story is the conversation that Eren and Kenshin had about the existence of gods in general. While Kenshin believes that god exists, Eren does not. He critiques god and believe god to be hypocritical while Kenshin believes that god cares and wants the creation to live freely. It’s supposed to be an engaging conversation while also hinting at the fact that Eren’s definitely going to talk to a deity with his mentality and future visions and get the crap kicked out of him.

I’m certain that I missed something but what I’ve wanted to say but the foreshadowing of Primus is there, and I wanted it to be clear. However, Primus’ characterization is something I wanted to discuss for a long time too. Again, we don’t know much about Primus’ character besides Rung, and I didn’t want him to be a stoic deity. That’s boring. I wanted to have some fun. I wanted Primus to be the complete opposite of Unicron. While Unicron is haughty and prideful, Primus is kind and humble. While Unicron loathes the idea of existence and wants death and destruction, Primus believes in life and creation. Unicron believes that everything is beneath him while Primus sees the value of even the smallest living thing. Unicron believes in working alone, and that he is the most powerful being. No one else should have his power. Primus believes in cooperation, unity, and sharing his power. Unicron wants to destroy the universe, Primus wants to be a part of it.

With that in mind, I was able to write a characterization of Primus: a gentle, kind being that cares deeply for the lives of others that may or may not even be his own. Someone who gets excited at the prospect of learning new things about new beings, someone who mourns the loss of life, and someone who gets angry at the prospect of someone wanting to take that life away. Someone who genuinely tries to understand the individual and their experiences in order to truly understand the meaning of life.

However, there is a fatal flaw to Primus. People I've talked with in the transformers fandom, myself included, have criticized Primus for his own inaction during the war. He gave the Matrix to Optimus, sure, but he did nothing to stop the War in its tracks or even stop the caste system from taking place. Why didn’t he help out Megatron and his people? Why didn’t he stop Megatron when he had gone insane? Why did he make Optimus shoulder all his responsibilities twice? Why does Primus not step in when there are life-threatening events that could destroy the universe? The very thing he values and wants to be part of? It’s very simple: Primus is an immortal deity, with powers to see beyond the veil of time and defy reality if he wanted to but chooses not to based on the safety of the whole universe and every living creature. A personal theory I've come up with is the Unicron prophecy in TFP. Unicron was set to reawaken on Earth, but Cybertron doesn’t know about Earth until the war happens. Sure, if the war didn’t happen, the caste system could have been fixed and Cybertron could have been a better place to live, but Unicron would have awakened with no one to stop him and would have destroyed the whole universe, Cybertron included. It’s an example of Primus trying to see the bigger picture and that’s where his flaw lies. When seeing the bigger picture, he ignores the sufferings of mortals who lead very limited lives compared to him. Primus has all the time in the universe to figure everything out, but not Cybertron, and not everyone else. His purpose even if Cybertron is destroyed is to battle Unicron once more. It’s an endless cycle. But Primus ends up missing the point that he wants to understand. There’s a quote from Steven Universe’s character Sapphire that encapsulates this perfectly:

“I keep looking into the future when all of this has already been solved, as if it doesn’t matter how you feel in the present. No wonder you think I don’t care.”

The meaning of life to a mortal is vastly different to that of an immortal. As a result, Primus will never fully understand them and can’t be part of the universe like he wants to. He cannot live and die like they can. But even so, he still tries to, and that’s what makes him all the more understanding. This is what I want to encapsulate for my characterization of Primus in AOP. Now he has to confront two titan shifters with their own flaws and failings: one that wishes to die, and one that wishes to destroy. And he is not happy with either of them trying to play god out of selfishness.

(There's other things that I want to discuss, like Primus' design and other actions within the story, but I think I'll take care of that tomorrow. Still if you haven't, please leave a comment. That would be greatly appreciated. And I encourage you to read back through AOP to find those clues of Primus' presence.

Not to mention, chapter 45 isn't Primus' first appearance.)

[arminthada]

Hello Claire! It always takes me by surprise and leaves me with awe when I read your posts about thai production houses. And it's a topic that really interests me.

So, disclaimer before I mention my question - sorry if this is stupid or weird, but why did Nadao close its operation? I mean, given the fact that they had such powerhouses under them (not just actors but directors, producers, musicians, etc.) and if I remember correctly, it was right after IPYTM (or maybe after a year or so), so it felt like they were on the pathway of constant success.

~ @tipsyjaehyun

Hi Rain!

I always love talking about Nadao so thank YOU for allowing me the opportunity to talk about them. And please, there are never stupid or weird questions ever, especially when it comes to Nadao Bangkok (rip love).

When Nadao announced they were closing down, they posted this very long letter explaining why as well. Here's a summary of the contents:

In short: Nadao will terminate their roles as artist development, series & music producer. The reason is that their artists are now grownup enough to choose their own paths. Also the seniors have different goals. It is not sudden. They have been discussing it for a while. We have seen many Nadao artists moving out and continue with their own journey. This is the reason. Nadao will terminate their roles and want to give their artists more freedom to work in the industry. Ongoing series production will be passed to the director and they will make their own decision. Ongoing music production will be under the artists’ own names. Nadao will also introduce their artists to network in the path that their artists are interested in.

Nadao closing its business leaves a lot of regret in the hearts of fans who follow Nadao artists (me, i am the fan in question). Out of all the speculations, I think there's this one Reddit comment from u/Virtual_Tadpole9821 that aligns most with my speculation.

I wasn't originally going to comment because I was hoping to see some analysis emerge online, but since I'm not seeing any here's my two cents anyway. Knowing Nadao, the move is unlikely to be directly motivated by financial reasons. The company has consistently been profitable. Its financials for the 2021 fiscal year haven't been filed yet, but even in 2020, when the pandemic first hit, it still made a net profit of 29 million baht after taxes. Though this was down from 40 million in 2019, it's still more than 21 million in 2018. Things might have been worse in 2021, but it's unlikely to be too bad for them to weather. They don't appear to have that many fixed costs. As most of their income comes from artist management and the main costs are the artists' cuts, less work just means the pie is smaller, but the company still gets a piece and won't bleed to death. Not producing means not having to pay for crew and equipment, and their productions are usually externally funded anyway. If the company was facing financial difficulties, the first thing to do would be to scale back on non-performing operations, and the loss-making Nadao Music would be the first to go. But that's not what they're doing. Rather, they're shutting down all current operations at once. The move is probably more due to ideological re-questioning of the company's mission. As /u/dangrankeyi pointed out, Nadao tries to position itself as first and foremost a talent management agency. But it hasn't really been able to grow itself much in that regard. As their artists keep outgrowing their target group, they need to keep replacing them. But the scene is much more crowded now than in 2009 when the company was founded or in 2013 when it made Hormones. The company doesn't appear to have been successfully developing much new talent. Its latest pivoting attempt was when it launched Nadao Academy in early 2020, but that seems to have ceased with the pandemic. And even if the project was successful, what work would the company find for the trainees? It's not like it's doing that well with its current artists anyway. Nadao has some 30 actors under its umbrella, but apart from BKPP, things have been rather quiet for them. The problem I see is that there's a disjoint between what the company wants to do and what it actually does best. It wants to grow talent, but it's having problems finding work for that talent, and doesn't quite have the capacity to generate that work itself. On the other hand, Nadao has become best known for is productions, which for the most part have been passion projects driven more by their creator's visions than by business strategy. But such projects don't serve those original goals well enough. The only way they could have sustained this was probably to keep dishing out seasons of Hormones, but they didn't, because they knew they wouldn't be able to maintain quality, and even if they did, it would have lost steam by now anyway. The thing is, Nadao doesn't actually need to exist for its creators to do the production stuff they want, and are good at. That can be accommodated under parent company GDH and its other subsidiaries, which is where Nadao's production crews come from anyway. Looking at it this way, it isn't very difficult to see why they'd come to the decision not to continue doing the things they're doing as Nadao Bangkok.

And I would say that after two years since Nadao closes down, it's been pretty clear that the closing down of Nadao was more ideology-motivated than business. While Nadao officially shut down it's business, the actual company itself was renamed Tada Entertainment to accompany P'Yong Songyos Sugmakanan's pursuit of making the next perfect idol groups. Tada Entertainment now manages girl group MXFRUIT (under subsidiary label Ily Lab)...

And BUS (a Thai pop group formed through 789 Survival, under subsidiary Sonray Music). Khunpol (Bas from ITSAY) also competed in 789 Survival and debuted in BUS.

And DICE (consisting of the members who participated in 789 Survival but didn't make it into BUS, also managed by Sonray Music)

One must be quite confounded by P'Yong Soyos' new pursuits but watching the documentary of how 9x9 (Nine By Nine) was formed, I think it becomes very clear that P'Yong has always harboured an interest in making the next big Thai pop group, similar to Kpop idol group style. I highly recommend watching this if you have time, or at least the first two episodes of the documentary. It's honestly one of the realest documentaries I've ever watched of an idol group, the way they talk about each other here is basically how they talk about each other in real life, even now.

It was just unfortunate that 9x9 had to be a temporary thing 🥲 (understandable though, they had 4 full time lakorn actors Tor, James, Captain, Ryu, 2 singer/actor Ice and JJ and 3 music-focused artists Third, Jackie, Porsche). So their reunion on the last episode of 789 Survival was a hugeeeeeee thing.

So yeah.... before I ramble on and forget what your original question is, I would say P'Yong's general pursuit and ambitions in the music/Thai pop industry coupled with Nadao's roster of artists outgrowing its target group are the biggest reasons for Nadao closing in general.

I'm always grateful to Nadao for bringing us some of the best series in existence (crazy to think how In Family We Trust is conceived as a part of 9x9 project, with the main purpose to make a series to star all nine boys of 9x9) yet it swept the Nataraja awards (Thai Emmys) that year. This is yet another stellar example of how Nadao ended up excelling at what they don't plan to do (producing series) than what they do intend (managing artists/boy groups). 9x9 was a successful project though, don't get me wrong, I'm just trying to make the case that IFWT is more successful than P'Yong probably intended it to be (though P'Yong was pretty ambitious with this project himself, getting all the experienced older lakorn actors into this so perhaps he did plan for it to be that successful).

Even though, there were many Nadao artists that left before they closed down like James, Peach, Nonkul... I really like that most Nadao artists remained very close with their fellow Nadao peers, and often times ending up in same projects together once again. This year, a few notable reunions off the top of my head is Nonkul and Ud Awat in a horror zombie film Operation Undead (currently out in cinemas), Tor and JJ in thriller series Spare Me Your Mercy (currently filming), Nonkul and Captain in the Mouse TH remake (just wrapped filming).

I'm always sad about Nadao closing down but seeing how most former Nadao artists have no trouble finding works on their own after its closing, I'm very happy to see them flourishing and doing their own thing. I love that there's a huge family energy when it comes to Nadao because the senior artists always consider their junior like their little brothers and sisters (Ice Paris being the MC for both DICE and BUS showcases, Tor and Ice being the MCs for the 789 Survival). P'Yong has previously talked about how "Nadao isn't just a company, it's like a home. That's why when some of their artist left Nadao, P'Yong considered it more as them "graduating" so they can grow and build path on their own."

Below is a clip of Tor talking about how grateful he is to P'Yong (if you watch 9x9 documentary and some other interviews Tor did, you'll see that P'Yong can be quite harsh to him and put much pressure on Tor (and other Nadao artists as well) but they all seem to look up to him like a parental figure)

Not to mention, if you are a fan of Hormones, the girls always have their annual reunions and it always warms my heart to see how close they still are with each other.

Sighs... I almost completely forgot the question again. But yea Nadao definitely could have stayed and given us more magnum opus because I personally haven't had enough at all but it's great to see P'Yong happy with his successful groups and the former Nadao artists going on their own individual paths while maintaining good relations with P'Yong and Nadao/GDH creative crew (directors, producers, writers...)

[outeremissary]

Tell us about the highs and lows of Tokyo Ghoul...

(edit: I think this should be prefaced with the disclaimer I read Tokyo Ghoul mainly when I was a teenager)

Anon I don't know where to even fucking start. Tokyo Ghoul has one of my favorite opening chapters in anything ever and then shattered my young hopes and dreams forevermore. Like you have to understand if you haven't read Tokyo Ghoul that the beginning of it is like the perfect vampire angst urban fantasy in its absolute purest essence. And then it becomes this Fucking Nightmare of shonen power escalation with absolutely no bearing on that early part, but here's the thing. Tokyo Ghoul's quality is like a sine wave. Every time you think fuck man this time it's fallen off for good. I can't fucking take it anymore. Then suddenly it starts to come back. And it comes back HARD. It's like well damn that arc was unforgivable but this is SUCH a cool conclusion, or these new characters are SO compelling, or this fight is so brilliantly choreographed, I can't drop it now. It might come back from this. And the thing is it does. It'll sustain that for chapters. Sometimes even for arcs. It'll come back from the impossible. Tokyo Ghoul made a time skip where the main character gets amnesia and just fucks off to a completely different story work. But it ALWAYS comes crashing back down. It always hits you with something so bad you're embarrassed to be a fan of the series. There will always be a fire breathing sewer ghoul who makes you think "oh my god this is fucking stupid." A secret hundreds of years long conspiracy that makes no goddamn sense and involves every antagonist in the series in completely inexplicable ways. Some fucking bullshit. Or the transphobic plot twist after having one of the best trans characters you in your teenage years have ever been able to see in something- perhaps one of the only at the time it released. And at a point it's just out of miracles, you know? Nightmare fucking series

It's not even like Tokyo Ghoul was good on the merits of its extremely tight writing. It did not have that, ever. But in its good moments it pulled out really competent character beats. It made its corniness and edge work. It had the Vibes to sustain shit, and by the end of the first series it would have this art that could fucking blow you away. The end of the first series is so fucking good. Not because it's like. A good conclusion to the series that it did a really good job of building up across the whole thing, it just suddenly goes "heyyyy the last little while has been bullshit who even knows what this series is about anymore </3 anyway wouldn't it be fun if every other character died a dramatic and tragic death that we set up right now, and also we suddenly bring back the vampire angst, and also there's a kaiju, and also the protagonist who's become totally obnoxious Dies Badly while losing his grasp on reality in an absolutely fucking gorgeous chapter where he fights a guy you've only seen vague allusions to before?" And it's like Tokyo Ghoul you crazy son of a bitch. That sounds fucking awesome, and you pulled it off. Maybe Tokyo Ghoul is good after all because it's so cool and also so vampire angsty.

And Tokyo Ghoul is so good at tricking you into thinking it's going to be Good that it comes back from shit NOTHING can come back from because it's so bad that hitting the "blow up the whole fucking series" button resets it and makes it good again. I cannot stress enough that :re's premise is "let's just keep going off of that miracle conclusion that was good for the first series where the protagonist fails in this spectacular and tragic way and let's give him amnesia and make him a completely different guy and not have him interact with any of the characters he has established connections with AND let's put that after a FUCKING TIME SKIP." :re's premise is irredeemably bad. The first few arcs of :re are the best fucking arcs Tokyo Ghoul ever had. The character writing is more competent than before, it's working with a consistent cast again, it's replaced the protagonist with a guy you might actually care about, there's a lot of charm to the new character dynamics, the big shonen action is good, the art is GORGEOUS, it keeps pulling off the impossible and bringing characters from the first part back in ways that are good and fun and satisfying and at first that even improbably includes the parts where they're like "heyyyyy that character who died in a dramatic and tragic sacrifice actually is alive, and is evil now," That's the Tokyo Ghoul miracle sauce. It's like well. It got really good. Surely it can keep this going on drama alone. Yeah it has issues with misogyny and wildly pernicious transphobic and homophobic stereotypes but it seems to be getting better, maybe it will come back from this. And eventually the other shoe drops and you remember that Tokyo Ghoul is frequently stupid and bad and has no plan at all.

No one should read Tokyo Ghoul and god knows I hit my limit a little ways before the end and just couldn't keep going. But it's burned into my mind forever. Formative media. Tokyo Ghoul If It Was Good. It gave me one of my favorite manga characters ever, darling throwing knife edgelord living weapon turned Real Boy Suzuya Juuzou. It had these great scenes and arcs of high melodrama. It developed into such a gorgeous fucking manga. I own two artbooks for it! It Haunts Me. I didn't watch the anime myself but I guess it's really in the Tokyo Ghoul spirit that visually it isn't good and yet it gave us some INCREDIBLE fucking music.

Uhhhhh TLDR Tokyo Ghoul is the most Thing I Loved As A Teenager That Betrayed Me maybe ever and every time I think about it I get mad all over again. 6/10 would not recommend. Special to me 5ever.

Edit 2 Actually I just remembered that I had to explain the hammer castration in this series to someone once. Bad again.

[deepdarkdelights]

I saw you were talking about Porcelain and it was like I've been summoned. That story is in my top 5 favorite fanfics of all-time. If inspiration ever strikes and you end up writing its sequel, you can count on me to read that bad boy.

Are you doing okay? How's life treating you? I've missed you so much.

I have to confess I've been away for a while, but it's not because of your indefinite hiatus. This place wasn't helping my mental health, so I needed to take a long break. Recently, I’ve been feeling more connected again, maybe because the tannies are finally being released from enlistment. On top of that, I was busy with my last semester of uni and then working on my thesis (still working on it, actually).

I'm actually so glad to see that you've made it through the military service era and everything that's happened in the last couple of years. It's been tough, hasn't it? I feel like these have been the dark times for the fandom, especially with so many awful things happening in the boys' absence, leaving morale at an all-time low. Anyway, I'm so happy to see that you're still here. Even if you're not writing, just your presence as part of this fandom means so much.

Sending you lots of love and strength in your way!

-🌙

Summoned! So funny! I really do need to re-read Porcelain, I haven't gone back and read many of my early works (tbh I'm very embarrassed by my early writing skills)

I'm doing alright, stressed, but that has become my baseline at this point. I am happy to hear you took some time away from here, especially if it was affecting your mental health, but welcome back as well! I am happy that the boys are almost done - we're so close to the finish line! And good luck with your thesis, I'd love to know what it's about!

I'm happy to be here with you, sending you lots of love and strength back!

[namgyunation]

Hello, I'm back to yap more. 🐶(using this as my emoji until I eventually get off anon haha). I am a different anon than the other talking about mg coin and Nam-gyu and purity culture obv, but I have thoughts abt the same stuff and like yapping lmao. Sorry in advance for this actual tome i am about to write.

Ive been having the opposite experience than the other anon and it might be because I'm more on ig than here tbh but! I feel like theyve hit the nail on the head about purity in fandoms and i see the reactions im getting coming from that too. Because every time ive made a comment on a thread on ig unless its on a nam-gyu fan account i get comments acting like ive just said i sacrifice small animals to the devil.

for me Nam-gyu's actions aren't ok towards min-su (poor lil guy is scared just like him, i kept hoping theyd have a point where they made friends tbh).

And while I get why se-mi is pissed at nam-gyu, she did kind of irk me too (because what she said h reminded me of judgemental ex-friend I had when I was a drug user who would basically laugh at me and my addiction). But I don't think she deserved to die, of course not! If anything i wished the opposite. (I was stupidly hoping after thanos died that nam-gyu and min-su and se-mi would make a trio and really want to read a fic like this, or write one lmao).

Then, from another angle, I find Nam-gyus character easy to understand and i don't think understanding it has to be excusing the stuff @ min-su and se-mi, but i also don't see him as evil! Nam-gyu is my favorite in s2 and overall tbh even over gi-hum, sang-woo or thanos and yes, he is hot, but my fave in s1 is sang-woo and i wasn't attracted to him for example.

But i enjoy a character who 1. Has many aspects, theyre very interesting and people are usually never just one thing! (Also these arent real people so like you said we can like whoever!) & 2. I can actually relate to some aspects of him! Even while not being ok with the actions @ min-su and se-mi! I know what addiction is like, and people just treat you like you're worthless, not many consider why a person has addiction, they just assume it's about partying which for me mine was thanka to lots of abuse prior and during that time, so that abuse + people treating me like i was worthless for my addiction made me into a hater back then too. I was a little shit too lol. I promise I never forked anybody to death though 😈

in seriousness when Roh Jae-Won said people haven't ever respected Nam-gyu, I immediately thought he's been abused growing up and or had a bad partner like what was my situation, it just makes sense to me. (Tbh i already got that vibe so his confirmation sealed it).

I've come in contact with people saying he is evil111 and that I'm evil for not thinking he is (i got the same re sang-woo tbh) and it's like... being able to empathize with him while stilllll not being ok with him killing se-mi is possible. I think it's easy to see how it came about too, his mental state in there wasnt great already even when the one person he had some liking for was there, with that person dead, hes spiralling badly plus the pills hes gobbling, its a perfect storm. Again i dont think he should have killed her i can just see how the escalation happened. But like... yeah why can't I understand and still feel sad he killed her?!

I don't get why people have to put characters I absolutes either, and that goes for nam-gyu, thanos and mg coin. like they all have flaws, and then they all are just victims of the capitalistic scheme in the games and they all have their own issues. I can totally understand why thanos and nam-gyu hates mg coin (and I kept thinking of Elon musk because of the dalmatian/doge coin lmaooo), but also they could have been more cautious too like he said!

Verrryyyy tldr: I really agree about not having to apologise for liking and finding characters interesting, and theres something else weird some friends and i have picked up on with regards to these puritanical mindsets.

They seem to dehumanize characters they dont like? Like they have the idea that unless a character is a perfect cinnamon roll like Ali from s1 they dont deserve empathy? Examples I've seen people commenting and making jokes about how thanos and sang-woo was thinking of suicide, and some saying they hope the baby dies because mg coin is a deadbeat etc and I'm like...they're not even real people but the commenters are and the way they can't even have compassion for fictional characters, makes me wonder how they would be in a situation worse, ie: with someone they dislike in person.

Also! I was the anon who has the dog headcanon and omg yesss I'd be honored if you wrote about the dog in one of your fics. You're such a talented writer I'd love to read your vision for this. I can imagine him thinking of the dog waiting for him 🥺 but not saying anything about it because again my dude would rather die in squid game than admit to an emotion (even though hia emotions are still coming out anyway!!) i also hc him as a dog person and not just because i am one haha but for the reason you wrote. Dogs are amazing, once they love you they dgaf who you are. That aside I also think he'd really like and respect that they come from wolves and how if they choose to they can mess someone up with a bite! Even the cuddliest good boy can go feral if threatened or a person he loves is threatened and I think nam-gyu would relate to that too.

I always see people saying he's cat like but I don't see it! thanos is cat!coded and a cat guy to me too so I love that you see that as well. I actually hc that thanos has a playful orange cat who has his own Instagram and thanos writes captions and comments as the cat lmao 🐈

And yikes I'm so sorry this is recoed yapping I've been writing this for like 23 mins!

anonnn you are so dear to me lol. i agree with all of your thoughts here. long ass post incoming...

in the time it's taken me to respond to this, i've been spending a lot of more time on twitter, and i've seen these arguments x10 over there. it's been driving me nuts seeing the lengths ppl go to try and paint namgyu as a saint bc they're afraid it reflects badly on them as a person (when it doesn't), AND on the other end i've seen people GENUINELY arguing "oh well i like gyeongsu and youngmi who have done no wrong, while you like namgyu who is a horrible / problematic person!!!" and like. ACTUALLY trying to establish a moral high ground because of that.

so it gets to a point where i'm like. ok if you're a nam-gyu fan trying to defend his actions and make him seem like a good person...... stop! he's done horrible things! and that's ok!!!! put the tweet back in the drafts... but on the other hand. i can't even fully blame them bc WHY the fuck are people trying to act as if the morality of your favorite character fucking matters and says something about who you are as a person. like y'all are out here MAKING these ppl feel like they need to explain themselves for liking a character who does bad things and giving them a reason to act the way they do. it's an endless cycle

also, to quote the previous anon (whom of which i agree with wholeheartedly and am so thankful started the conversation) "when I stumble across a "Namgyu defender 2000" in the wild it only disappoints, but not surprises me." 

WHEN WILL IT ENDDDD. HOLY SHIT. this squid game shit gets serious!!! i'm out!

Ive been having the opposite experience than the other anon and it might be because I'm more on ig than here tbh but! I feel like theyve hit the nail on the head about purity in fandoms and i see the reactions im getting coming from that too. Because every time ive made a comment on a thread on ig unless its on a nam-gyu fan account i get comments acting like ive just said i sacrifice small animals to the devil.

yeah idk what it is about fandoms and constantly trying to one-up people and feeling like you're somehow better than someone else based on the character that you found the most entertaining / decided to make your fav. it's just so annoying. and yeah lmao i've had similar reactions when i talked about squid game to some of my irl friends and they find out my fav is nam-gyu. "isn't he the dude that did x and x??? he's so evil how tf could u like him?" i like shitheads. that doesn't mean i wanna do the things that he's done. I PROMISE. HE IS NOT REAL.

I've come in contact with people saying he is evil111 and that I'm evil for not thinking he is (i got the same re sang-woo tbh) and it's like... being able to empathize with him while stilllll not being ok with him killing se-mi is possible. I think it's easy to see how it came about too, his mental state in there wasnt great already even when the one person he had some liking for was there, with that person dead, hes spiralling badly plus the pills hes gobbling, its a perfect storm. Again i dont think he should have killed her i can just see how the escalation happened. But like... yeah why can't I understand and still feel sad he killed her?!

yeah! se-mi is literally my second fav lmao, and i wish she hadn't died. i LOVEEEE her, and i ofc didn't cheer when nam-gyu killed her nor do i try to pretend he didn't do it or was completely justified. even then, i can still love nam-gyu and have him as my fav and have my fun with making my fun little stories about him without thinking that what he did was ok.

was he in a killing game that preys on people's desperation and weak mental states, thus driving them to a state where they do drastic things, such as murder??? yes! was he on drugs and in the process of grieving that likely heightened his aggression and already fucked up mental state??? yes! did he still murder her violently and brutally in cold fucking blood and is horrible for doing so? ALSO YES! all of the above can be true. i can acknowledge all of it and still be a fan of his character.

i can take his situation and feelings combined with how clearly mentally weak he is as a person into account WITHOUT trying to say that his actions were excusable. IT'S POSSIBLE. and yet people act like namgyu fans are either on one side or the other—either being completely okay with namgyu's actions and praising him for it, or completely denying his actions and trying to make him too sympathetic / an angel.

idk im just tired. can we all just like shitty characters and allow others to like shitty characters while still agreeing that it doesn't inherently mean anything about who you are as a person.

I don't get why people have to put characters I absolutes either, and that goes for nam-gyu, thanos and mg coin. like they all have flaws, and then they all are just victims of the capitalistic scheme in the games and they all have their own issues. I can totally understand why thanos and nam-gyu hates mg coin (and I kept thinking of Elon musk because of the dalmatian/doge coin lmaooo), but also they could have been more cautious too like he said!

yup! mg coin fucked over a lot of ppl and ruined their lives, and i understand why nam-gyu and thanos hated him, but omfg. it's not like mg coin WANTED to fuck up everyone's lives, including his own. and yet, i still understand why those two hated and wanted to get back at him. at the same time, are nam-gyu and thanos still morons for putting so much of their trust and money into the coin while holding out for more cash?? yes! it was their fault too!!!! they're also assholes for being so mean to him. him fucking them over with the coin doesn't excuse their behavior. they're all victims, all with their own flaws and reasons for things, but none of them are ALL bad or ALL good. that's just how people are.

no one is an absolute. obviously, for the sake of the story, the director isn't going to completely flesh out every single character and give them insane levels of depth (i don't think he gaf either, he didn't even wanna make a season 2, LMAO). that's not the point of the story, nor does he or the show have the time for that. it's clear that nam-gyu's character was written to fit the role of an antagonist, and that's the purpose he's serving.

even then, people are people. no one is an absolute / completely one-sided at the end of the day. a shitty person can have moments of appearing 'normal' and maybe even good. THIS DOES NOT MAKE THEM ANY LESS SHITTY NOR DOES IT SUDDENLY EXCUSE WHAT THEY'VE DONE. and in terms of fictional characters, it also doesn't make that moment inherently out of character or 'mischaracterization.'

i'm just pulling this moment off the top of my head, but for example, when nam-gyu got his food and said 'thank you' to the guard with a smile. was that a nice moment where he was just.. normal? yeah. he was even kind of polite. i guess another scene is where he shows genuine concern for thanos's wellbeing after the first game, where he looks at him and asks 'are you okay?' and another when he cheers for the other players who are passing their games during the pentathlon.

he is undoubtedly an asshole, but he does have moments that show he IS capable of being a normal, regular person. not that this is like groundbreaking for his character lmao.

indenting the following for emphasis:

HOWEVER. these small moments of him being chill / normal does not and will not ever outweigh the bad things he's done / said. STILL, i'm TIRED of ppl acting like an artist / writer is mischaracterizing nam-gyu just because they made a work where he's not bashing people's skulls in with rocks, calling them bitches, and gnawing on their flesh 24/7, or when people say that it's somehow 'unrealistic' or "OMG YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE A VICTIM AND TRYING TO EXCUSE HIS ACTIONS!!!!" some of the meanest, most dogshit people on this planet are capable of having moments of normalcy and even kindness. it's reallyyy not that crazy also while i'm saying this, i'm going to make it clear that i know and acknowledge that there IS a huge issue of people that do in fact try to make him seem too sympathetic / try to use his seemingly bad past (according to roh jae-won's words) as a means for excusing his actions too much / woobifying the fuck out of him. i don't like that either, and i feel like that's a big reason why so many people are wary around nam-gyu fans. it also makes me sad bc that's just NOT him! i'm just tired of all nam-gyu fans getting lumped into this one big ball. for example, i'm working on stuff for my headcanon for a nam-gyu backstory, and obviously in it i'm going to write that he had a bad childhood and a fuck ton of bad experiences that shaped him into he who is now. however, i already know i'm gonna get shit for trying to 'victimize' him or trying to make him seem too sympathetic. like... bad people can be go through tough shit without it being a means for erasing or excusing his actions. for example, idk you could have a headcanon that nam-gyu could've gotten bullied in his past and have that as a reason for why he grew up to so vehemently bully min-su—but you can have that headcanon without thinking it suddenly makes nam-gyu's actions okay!!!!! a bad character can have bad things happen to them without it suddenly cancelling out the bad things they do / have done. something can be an explanation for a character's actions without being an excuse (i.e. nam-gyu being disrespected his whole life could act as an explanation as to why he's such a dick to everyone, but it will NEVER be an excuse). tldr: nam-gyu does not have to be stabbing someone and pushing them down the stairs in every single scenario he's in for it to be realistic lmao. he can have moments of being normal / good without it erasing the fact that he's objectively a bad person. people can also headcanon / theorize bad things that could've happened in his past to make him how he is today WITHOUT thinking that it suddenly excuses everything he's done. it's possible.

do these moments mean he's an angel and suddenly more sympathetic for what he's done? absolutely fucking not </3 i'm not trying to make any of his 'good' scenes into a think piece or anything, but basically what i'm trying to say—shitty people can have moments of appearing 'not shitty' without it being completely unheard of or unrealistic.

a bad character doesn't have to burning down buildings and chopping people's heads off 24/7 for them to remain 'in-character' and still be bad. on the other hand, a good character does not have to be good 24/7 for them to still be good. 'good' characters are allowed to have their moments of anger and imperfection and even do morally questionable things, and it won't take away from the fact they are overall a good person. 'bad' characters are allowed to have moments of normalcy or even kindness without it washing away and taking away from the fact that they do indeed, fucking suck.

a small example that comes to mind for 'good' character that is allowed to have their morally questionable moments while still being good—s2 gi-hun where he decides to let a few people die in order for his plan of the rebellion to work. did he withhold knowledge that let some people die? yeah (though it was for a good reason, it wouldn't matter even if it wasn't). does that make him any less of an objectively good character that clearly has his heart in the right place and cares about saving people? nope!

did nam-gyu have a few moments of kindness / normalcy? yeah. does that suddenly make him less of a bad person? fuckkkkk no. he's still an ass.

(I was stupidly hoping after thanos died that nam-gyu and min-su and se-mi would make a trio and really want to read a fic like this, or write one lmao).

omfggg...i dont plan on really posting much art on this blog again (unless it's fan art for someone's fic), so if u ever come off anon or if u use twit / insta, legit hmu because i have plans to post some comics based on a concept similar to this!!! i really wanna draw (or maybe write) something where they get out of the games and get thrown out on the street (similar to season 1) and have to make amends in their little trio for their own sake and survival due to forced proximity and their equally fucked situations.

Verrryyyy tldr: I really agree about not having to apologise for liking and finding characters interesting, and theres something else weird some friends and i have picked up on with regards to these puritanical mindsets. They seem to dehumanize characters they dont like? Like they have the idea that unless a character is a perfect cinnamon roll like Ali from s1 they dont deserve empathy? Examples I've seen people commenting and making jokes about how thanos and sang-woo was thinking of suicide, and some saying they hope the baby dies because mg coin is a deadbeat etc and I'm like...they're not even real people but the commenters are and the way they can't even have compassion for fictional characters, makes me wonder how they would be in a situation worse, ie: with someone they dislike in person.

totally agree.

i like mg coin, believe it or not, despite me being a nam-gyu fan. i think he's funny as fuck, although of course he has done a lot of 'bad' and questionable things too. despite that, i definitely get a little ???? when i see the ways some ppl talk about him, you don't need to supply a reason for disliking a character ofc, but eh it kind of makes me feel a bit off seeing ppl wishing certain horrible things on characters just bc they don't like them. even if i didn't like him, i'm not gonna hope that junhee or her baby dies </3

also in addition to that, some ppl are too comfortable bashing the actors. i see this especially with nam-gyu and mg coin. why tf are y'all out here insulting an actor—a real life HUMAN BEING with feelings—on their looks bc their character had a conflict with your fav. the squid games can't be THAT serious!!!! i wish ppl could just chill out and be normal

Also! I was the anon who has the dog headcanon and omg yesss I'd be honored if you wrote about the dog in one of your fics. You're such a talented writer I'd love to read your vision for this. I can imagine him thinking of the dog waiting for him 🥺 but not saying anything about it because again my dude would rather die in squid game than admit to an emotion (even though hia emotions are still coming out anyway!!) i also hc him as a dog person and not just because i am one haha but for the reason you wrote. Dogs are amazing, once they love you they dgaf who you are. That aside I also think he'd really like and respect that they come from wolves and how if they choose to they can mess someone up with a bite! Even the cuddliest good boy can go feral if threatened or a person he loves is threatened and I think nam-gyu would relate to that too.

I WILLLL. i have one sitting in the drafts rn and will hopefully be able to get to it soon once i finish up the fic i'm working on rn. :] i'm definitely a bit biased as a dog person haha.

i do totally think nam-gyu would appreciate the unconditional love. though, i also do see him as a secret cat lover that would try to act like he doesn't care, but deep down he gets offended asf when a cat runs from him and feels sooo proud when a cat shows a liking to him, especially if its owner is like "wowww she doesn't usually do that to ppl!"

ending this post by saying, i hope season 3 comes out soon so i can watch it, turn nam-gyu into my oc and continue to write fics and make art of him, and then live peacefully without the constant arguments over stupid shit lol.

[nellie-elizabeth]

March 2025 - Reading & Media Logging

Thoughts under the cut!

What I Read:

I guess I was on a bit of the classics/canon kick this month!

Tender is the Night - my first read of this book, and holy shit, it's infuriating how good the language is... I had a hard time grappling with its larger themes/plot in some ways but honestly that's hardly the point. Fitzgerald is a fucking master.

Breakfast at Tiffany's - Haven't read a ton of Capote in my day either but maybe I should change that, I found this really delightful in a heart-twisting sort of way. I knew nothing about the story other than imagery from the movie that I'd absorbed through cultural osmosis.

Nicholas Nickleby - Definitely feels like an early work of Dickens, but I enjoyed a lot of of elements of it! Nicholas himself as a character was really appealing, he was kind of a bad-ass which I wasn't expecting when the novel began.

Beloved - This was a re-read, and it was even better than I remembered it to be.

The Lathe of Heaven - Read for one of my book clubs, I really enjoyed it and I'm excited to discuss. It didn't totally re-write my brain the way The Left Hand of Darkness did, but it's undeniably excellent.

Demon Copperhead - I guess it's a Dickens-themed month even though I just read the one Dickens. This was an amazing novel adapting my favorite Dickens work, I really cannot recommend it highly enough, it was heartbreaking and hopeful and so enjoyable to read start to finish. It's been lingering with me.

Cytonic - Eh, I mean, Sanderson writes some fun action scenes but this series so far hasn't really compelled me, and I think this book was the weakest in the series so far. I'll probably finish it out eventually.

Family Family - This is kind of unforgivably twee and cheesy. It purports to be about real shit and then doesn't really grapple with anything directly. It was very... readable, like, the author is clearly good at pacing a story, but I felt like I'd rather have watched this as a cheesy movie than read it as a novel.

The Priory of the Orange Tree - I didn't completely love everything about this, but I did really love the atmosphere and the world-building, this was a book I wanted to keep reading just so I could keep being inside of its world. Plus sapphic forbidden love and dragons and stuff. So, pretty fun.

Gathering Blue - Part of my re-read childhood favorites project. This is a lovely book, but I understand why it doesn't have the classic staying power of The Giver.

War and Peace - Okay, I am putting this on here because I've begun my quest! I intend reading this book to take me the better part of this year. I'm only like 150 pages in so far. And honestly, I'm finding it way more readable and fun than I expected! I love all the politics and gossip and drama.

What I Watched:

I've dipped into Dimension 20: The Unsleeping City Season 2. You know how there are so many books and movies and shows about New York and what a super special unique place it is? I honestly think Unsleeping City is maybe the best at convincing me it might really be true. Brennan's love for the setting is so apparent and it's so enjoyable to watch. I've been loving the new characters in season 2, as well, especially Murph, who is playing so delightfully against type.

Contrapoints new video dropped! She's excellent and hilarious as always, although the subject matter (conspiracy theories) was a little tough to chew on in today's world. That's the point, I suppose.

What I Listened To:

Been listening to this Boys Go to Jupiter album, "Meet Me After Practice" just over and over again, it's fucking amazing. I'm trying ever so slowly to become a person who "listens to music" and if you're looking for something to try, try this - it's alternative, it's really fun and sweet. In particular I can't get "Lovers Always Lose" and "Last Last Time" out of my head.

[paper--machete]

Re: Your tags on the post about writing you love, I'd love to hear your breakdown of music you like? Either "how do you personally breakdown music" OR "Here's a breakdown of a specific song/album"

well for example something I've always seen as very important when it comes to albums is sequencing, i.e. the order that the songs are put in on an album. in theory this shouldn't matter at all but sometimes putting the songs in just the right order can push an album to be so much greater

like for example a good opener can set the tone, but imo the greater task belongs to the opening three-track run to let the listener know what to expect from the rest of the album. a great example of this is death grips' the money store- track 1 is get got, one of the groups notably more lowkey songs with ride doing a much more toned down style of vocals. track 2 is the fever (aye aye), where ride brings out his usual angry-screaming vocal delivery but it's backed up by arguably one of the band's best hooks ever. track 3 is lost boys which is probably the weirdest they get on the whole album. the money store essentially does a perfect job of welcoming an unassuming listener into the world of death grips; it understands they're difficult to get into and organizes itself to become more accessible. it's kind of a winning formula tbh- track 1 is the opener, track 2 is the lead single, and then track 3 uses its similarities and differences with the first two songs to communicate the overall vibe. QOTSA almost always uses this formula; rated R, songs for the deaf and era vulgaris follow it pretty perfectly

as far as the full album goes I think it's important to take into account variety and sameness. one thing that always kills me when checking out albums I haven't heard before is when too many songs in a row are sonically similar and they all just blend together. I think a great album sequences it's tracklist in a way that every song plays off of the one that came before it. the new Kendrick Lamar album GNX did this really well imo. here's a summary of the tracklist for example-

confrontational and imposing opener

high energy banger

low energy chill song

low energy artsy song

low energy banger

mid energy artsy song

MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

chill banger

mid energy chill song

mid energy artsy song

weird song

very pretty and grandiose closer

the energy and vibes are always switching it up on a song by song basis, and no two songs of the same vibe are back to back. not to say you can't pull this off on an album, but I find it's so much more satisfying when an album is always trying to keep you interested and invested

I think the thing I've really come to appreciate lately with music though is execution; does this song/album do a good job of pulling off the idea it wanted to. I recently became a huge fan of arcade fire's 2017 album Everything Now which everyone haaaaaaated when it came out back then because the thesis statement of the album was "phone bad" backed up by a more electronic-disco-pop inspired shift in sound. but revisiting it today I feel like everything about that album was deliberately and perfectly executed to sell that album's ideas; Everything Now is sarcastic, it's commercial, it's electronic, and it's so so tired of capitalist life. the production from daft punk's Thomas Bangalter, the cheesy and at times cringe inducing lyrics from win butler, the deliberate shift towards pop sensibilities, all of it comes together to make Everything Now into a complete work that is greater than the sum of its parts

my train of thought stops here but basically there really is a lot more to music than what you're hearing. so many external factors play into how you end up interpreting it for yourself and me, personally, I'm trying to max that shit out. read David Byrne's book How Music Works if you want to go insane like me (I only read half of it but a lot of what he says really helped open my mind to eventually think about music this way)

[quietbluejay]

Dark Imperium #9

it's too bad this wasn't #7 so I could make a Nurgle joke. I completely forgot to do that lol it's the last post for this book! anyways I love this bit so much

okay back on topic (Guilliman being salty about the Emperor)

:D :D :D "he lied just like the Emperor had"

the part Mathieu focuses on is "wow sometimes I forget you actually walked around with the Emperor"

image of Guilliman crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out

guilliman: i'm not normal, no, but i'm still human mathieu: if he has the power of a god, doesn't that make him a god whether he thought he was or not? checkmate, atheists, we know the Emperor protects us because we got the saints, the legion of the damned, and even the emperor's tarot!

wait that makes me seem like im excited for Guilliman to suffer sdjfhskdhflsdhf THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT TO CONVEY

huh possibly some of his actions of seeking greater control might be motivated by this like i don't think it's the only reason or possibly even the main reason but I definitely think it's an influence Guilliman thinks about how he approached the throne room feeling like he had at Konor's funeral "willing it to be all right, drowning in certain grief"

"what hurt most deeply was what was left unsaid" i.e. he was greeted like a guy finding his favourite hammer, and not even like a person who brought him the hammer

Guilliman had the Emperor up on an enormous pedestal before, and wasn't even aware of some of it I'm trying to reconcile abnett!guilliman and haley!guilliman and think of a throughline here because guilliman at least consciously never really thought of the emperor as a father, at least iirc from unremembered empire but he did hold him in a semi-divine kind of awe in the same way you view your parents when you're a child

so this is like realizing your parents make mistakes except it's more like realizing your parents were scientists and you were a test subject the whole time i guess??

Sky: I honestly don't love Guilliman think of the Emperor as his father yeah Idolizing him, admiring him, even worshipping him in his own way, sure. But I don't think Guilliman should ever consider the Emperor his father in anything but the biological sense.

"the Emperor's humanity was all but gone. He could no longer mask his thoughts with a human face" some of the sad thing here is that…Guilliman thinks he's seeing the real Emperor, that this is all the truth

Sky: Honestly, he probably is, if we go by The End and the Death

I don't think it fits with everything else I've seen, tbh, but also I haven't read TEATD my thoughts on the Emperor's relation/opinion of the primarchs is unchanged from when I read Horus Rising which is that he did genuinely care about them but in a very screwed up way as can be seen from his relationship with Horus but also going back to Guilliman, it is also possible he's shading things to Mathieu re thinking of the Emperor as a father it's been repeatedly mentioned in the book that he does that Guilliman thinks about how he's finally seen the truth that the Emperor only saw Guilliman and the others as means to an end and honestly part of me is like "it took THIS for you to figure that out??" which is unfair I know lol but like, it was pretty explicit that he created them to be his generals this is not some secret he kept from them i know he's got that super aura so that plays a role but, lmao tbh though Guilliman's biases played a huge role, probably, we know he's got an empathy problem with the other primarchs

Sky: I guess maybe Guilliman used to see it through the the lens of like…aristocracy? A lord's sons are meant to be his soldiers, his generals, his lieutenants, to serve and obey without question until its time to take over. But they're still his sons Except Guilliman now has concluded that Emps didn't even extend them that much grace, they were always just living weapons

Bluejay: I think that makes sense

like what the Emperor wanted from Guilliman, to Guilliman seemed natural and correct and Guilliman extrapolated a lot of stuff that simply wasn't there (re the "after" of the Crusade) which was one of his more…how to put it…positive traits? I don't know if it's positive exactly…sympathetic? that belief that they were meant for more and were trying to build something better, and some of that he actually did put into practice and then he had that meeting with the Emperor and it completely knocked the last of his idealism out of him Mathieu decides to push a bit more and be like "didn't the Emperor enlighten you as to his divinity when you guys talked" Guilliman: what happened in the throne room is off limits guilliman: anyways enough theology, time for destruction Guilliman takes the sword out again and thinks about it, mainly how tf does it work it's super not natural he thinks about how the Emperor was a giant hypocrite wrt Magnus only a human could make so many mistakes on a sidenote, it's fascinating to me how Guilliman has a picture in his head of what a god should be that's a very different definition from how 40k uses it and that's where a lot of this conflict is coming from

Guilliman uses the sword to turn the device into pieces except…suddenly, a daemon!

Qaramar is fun

so it's everyone vs Qaramar, he takes out some of the victrix guard and the sisters and a Custodian Guilliman: This is a foe beyond any of you. I must hold the narrow way! Fly, you fools! (he doesn't say that im quoting lotr) also I feel like Haley may have had some fun with this fight because stylistically it feels different from the rest

etc etc

he gets Qaramar with a wound that won't heal "Impossible!!!" the fight lasts several more pages after every "final" sounding line lol Guilliman eventually wins and pushes Qaramar back into the warp ohhhhh this bit one of my favourite lines is coming up

Guilliman's currently having a post-fight crash

Guilliman wants to talk to his real dad again he thinks "if you hadn't died before the Emperor had shown up, would I have abandoned you like the other primarchs did their adoptive families" he's not a fan of his answer, lol

Mathieu asks if the Emperor loves them "please tell me"

he steps outside and there's a nice evocative line about letting the sun dry the sweat on his skin next steps: finding Mortarion Guilliman is convinced he's on Parmenio

and that's that for the book! weak beginning but a strong ending

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World: Prologue

I haven't reread the whole of the series ever (my last reread was in preparation for the finale), so with the books getting more popular and the show simultaneously entertaining me and getting my goat I figured I'd jump onto the bandwagon and maybe get some validation from internet strangers. As the title states, this is a reread, so I will be spoilering the hell out of everything, so if you're a show only fan or still working your way through the books, please run away screaming (but tell your friends!).

...

Okay now that I can no longer hear any screams, let's get into things. I first started reading The Wheel of Time in 2003 in middle school, catching up in time to read New Spring when it debuted and the subsequent novels after (except oddly, Towers of Midnight, which I didn't get around to until the finale was right around the corner, so I guess my longest reread only goes up to book 12 technically). It's probably my outright favorite fantasy world and has a lot of characters I love - in fact, at times I feel I don't quite fit into the fandom because I don't have an irrational disdain of any of the common hate sinks bar maybe Gawyn, and even then some people are making me like him a little bit more so I don't know what I'm going to do then.

That said, like most readers who came of age in the 21st century, I do have a lot of problems with Jordan's worldview. It's a rather interesting friction: the man was definitely trying to write a world without the sexism of our modern era (and to a lesser extent other prejudices as well), and yet he could never rise above them himself. I'll probably spend a lot of time talking about this kind of stuff and what might have been done instead.

Likewise, when we reach the inevitable Slog (and sorry people who didn't start reading until the series was finished, it's real), I'll be talking a lot about how the plot might be adjusted for brevity and, once we reach the Sanderson era virtually everything I want to talk about will be magnified tenfold because as much as I enjoyed his efforts at the time, I've greatly soured on him as an author in general and as Jordan's heir in specific since.

But for now, let's focus on what's important: The Eye of the World's first prologue: Dragonmount.

The palace still shook occasionally as the earth rumbled in memory, groaned as if it would deny what had happened.

As first sentences go, I'm not in love. It's not bad, but it's just a little too vague; "the palace" doesn't really give my mind's eye much to work with because they can vary so much depending on when and where they were built. It ends well though.

The dead lay everywhere, men and women and children, struck down in attempted flight by the lightnings that had flashed down every corridor, or seized by the fires that had stalked them, or sunken into stone of the palace, the stones that had flowed and sought, almost alive, before stillness came again.

Despite its length, a sentence like this would work better to me as the start. It's shocking and terrifying; this is a level of violence we won't see channelers pull off until much later in the series.

The mind-twisting had struck at the core, ignoring peripheral things.

This feels pretty on-theme for the story, really. The Shadow tries to subvert the major powers of the world but its defeat is primarily orchestrated by a bunch of farmers.

The edge of his pale gray cloak trailed through blood as he stepped across the body of a woman, her golden-haired beauty marred by the horror of her last moments, her still-open eyes frozen in disbelief.

Well I made it four quotations before we needed to talk about feminism so that's... more than I expected, really. Meet Ilyena, a character so posthumous that despite being part of a prologue 3,500 years before the main story she's still already dead by the time it starts! Obsessing over dead women is probably one of the biggest complaints this series gets and boy does it deserve it. Despite electricity being long gone, our characters have no shortage of fridges.

That said, I do want to note that as it stands in this book, things aren't that bad. In this book. See, in this book, Ilyena isn't the only victim - the children she and Lews had are also among the dead, as are quite a lot of other people who just happened to live or work in the palace or were visiting. Except for the use of LTT's title "Kinslayer", none of them will be mentioned again after this book - in fact, the non-family members are completely forgotten after the prologue. But again, that's jumping ahead. In this book, Ilyena is about providing a specific name and face to the tragedy, humanizing all of the victims by proxy in a way that, "Twelve hours after saving the world, Lews Therin went insane and killed two hundred and sixty-five people including all of his blood relatives," does not.

...brought by merchants from across the World Sea...

We talk a lot about how Jordan was too immersed in southern culture to understand how its gender roles were about as universal as Mongolian throat singing, but not enough about how he's too immersed in globalized petro-fascist markets based on maximizing inefficiencies for the global elite to use to extract wealth to understand why a real planetary utopia living in harmony with nature wouldn't be shipping luxury goods across the ocean when there's perfectly fancy fabrics to make at home and anyway the Green Men should be able to help silkworms thrive anywhere if you're that desperate for something breathable.

On the other hand, points to him for not going crazy about Gateways and assuming that all global trade could be handled by teleportation just because they're a fun tool. I will have a lot to say about Gateways as we approach the authorial transition.

For a moment he fingered the symbol on his cloak, a circle half white and half black, the colors separated by a sinuous line. It meant something, that symbol.

Even now though, it means something other than what it once meant (being the sign of the seals on the Dark One's prison) and before too much longer it will pick up two more meanings, one for each half. The Wheel turns and the world changes.

Behind him the air rippled, shimmered, solidified into a man who looked around, his mouth twisting briefly with distaste.

Props to Ishamael for clearly Traveling with the True Power even this early on in the series.

Not so tall as Lews Therin, he was clothed all in black, save for the snow-white lace at his throat and the silverwork on the turned-down tops of his thigh-high boots.

Thigh-high boots! <3 (Seriously Ishy how can you want to destroy the world you can express your fashion sense in?)

Also note how this contrasts the Aes Sedai symbol described earlier. There's a little bit of white though, because it can't be helped even by the Shadow.

It will soon be time for the Singing, and here all are welcome to take part.

One detail from the Sanderson novels whose origin I'm uncertain of but like regardless of who came up with it is Rand's claim that the AoL was NOT paradise and that it was rotting from within even before the Dark One got involved. The latter half of this sentence suggests one such flaw: having the Voice is a hell of a talent, but apparently there were places that did not welcome all potential Singers. This could just be a result of the War, but maybe it speaks to something deeper.

“Shai’tan take you, does the taint already have you so far in its grip?”

Ish here is mostly pissed that he doesn't get to enjoy his gloating, because for all his talk about nihilism, he is petty first and foremost.

Dangerous for you, fool, not for me.

Ironically, all things considered it's really the other way around - Shai'tan is no threat at all to the Dragon soul and will utterly ruin Ish by the end. Ish really isn't anywhere near as clever as he makes himself out to be, he just looks smart because he's the last survivor of Academia.

“So you do remember some things. Yes, Betrayer of Hope. So have men named me, just as they named you Dragon, but unlike you I embrace the name.

This is an odd detail, all things considered. LTT's fatal flaw was pride (this very prologue says as much), so why wouldn't he be proud of a flattering name? I wonder if we get any more details on this in the books or if it's just a little detail that was lost in the shuffle.

But it is not enough. You humbled me in the Hall of Servants. You defeated me at the Gates of Paaran Disen. But I am the greater, now. I will not let you die without knowing that. When you die, your last thought will be the full knowledge of your defeat, of how complete and utter it is. If I let you die at all

See what I mean about Ish? This is not the behavior of someone who is tired of existence and wants everything to end, it's the behavior of a dude with a petty grudge that he dresses up in fancy terms and fancier boots.

[Ilyena] will give me the rough side of her tongue if she thinks I have been hiding a guest from her. I hope you enjoy conversation, for she surely does. Be forewarned. Ilyena will ask you so many questions you may end up telling her everything you know.

Quick, name a female WoT character that Jordan doesn't think this description applies to! Can it be done? I doubt it. Another common criticism is that for all of his 3,000 characters, all of the women were just his wife. I don't think it's quite true, but I do think that the women he knew well were all cut from pretty much the same cloth.

“A pity for you,” he mused, “that one of your Sisters is not here.

This is another oddity. AoL healing required all five kinds of weaves and they didn't divide things up by gender anyway, so why wouldn't a Brother suffice? There's plenty of male Aes Sedai who haven't gone crazy at this point, and it's been only a couple days at most so you wouldn't think people would have time to reflexively assume men wouldn't be helpful. Is this another kind of healing that works better when you do it cross-gender? Maybe Towers of Midnight mentioned that?

Helplessly he convulsed, thrashing, his skull a sphere of purest agony on the point of bursting.

Good to know that every incarnation of the Dragon suffers horribly for no good reason, I guess. Rand's nihilism is a lot more understandable to me than Ish's is, considering how little suffering the latter actually endures.

“You can have her back, Kinslayer. The Great Lord of the Dark can make her live again, if you will serve him. If you will serve me.”

"Your kids are fucked though. We put their souls in vacuoles and then jettisoned them towards Sindhol, so we can't fix that even if we wanted to. Also you balefired half of them repeatedly, we think. Hard to be sure because there's no record of them left except some silhouettes on that doorway over there."

(More seriously, they're being left out right now because LTT isn't cognizant of their demise, making this the only excusable omission.)

“Ten years your foul master has wracked the world. And now this. I will. . . .”

Plus a whole century of societal collapse, but I guess RJ hadn't come up with that detail yet. Hell at this point maybe Shai'tan was still supposed to be ET's son.

You and I have fought a thousand battles with the turning of the Wheel, a thousand times a thousand, and we will fight until time dies and the Shadow is triumphant!

Ish says this and the fandom as a whole treats it as true but... we don't actually know this! Third Agers often state that they HOPE to be reborn, which suggests that's it's possible the Wheel stops reincarnating some souls (replacing them, presumably) - and who better to retire than the people who stop being grateful for existence and start actively trying to undermine you?

Further, Rand's epiphany is about how despite the crushing cycle of everything, anyone can still hope to live a better life - there's no guarantee that Ishamael falls to the shadow every time, or that he ever has before or will again! Hell, he could just repent even after he falls. Bro has choices, he just refuses to see them.

His own sons and daughters, sprawled like broken dolls, play stilled forever.

This is actually another odd detail. I don't know how Aes Sedai fertility works, but while it's not implausible that LTT & IS could have children who were of the age where their play is the most notable thing about them, they should also have kids old enough to have grandkids by now! Lews' murders could potentially number in the hundreds without starting on the servants and faithful companions.

Also note that while Ilyena's demise horrified LTT and left him with nothing to live for according to the narration, it isn't until he sees that he's killed all of these people he loved that he actually tries to commit suicide. This is the sort of thing that's completely neglected going forward, but it is nice that things were a little more complex than him finding his girlfriend in the fridge and his mom in the oven.

The land around him was flat and empty. A river flowed nearby, straight and broad, but he could sense there were no people within a hundred leagues.

This is a pretty subtle sign of just how much death the last ten years must have entailed: the Erinin is flowing through a temperate part of the planet (there being no indication that the Earth's axis was significantly affected by the Breaking) yet there are no cities nor farms within a hundred leagues. By all rights there should be, but now they're gone. One can see why balefire was banned.

He did not believe it could come, forgiveness. Not for what he had done.

Maybe it's just my own weird moral code speaking but I think stuff one does while literally and entirely involuntarily corrupted by the source of all evil shouldn't really count against them. Obviously he's in shock, but it seems like something that carries on into Rand's behavior as well and it's a little depressing that in a series about free will vs. determinism there's such a common attitude that the stuff you're doomed to do regardless counts against you more than the things you had a choice in.

Because in his pride he had believed that men could match the Creator, could mend what the Creator had made and they had broken. In his pride he had believed.

And he wasn't wrong to believe that, he just did it wrong and doesn't consider that there might be other approaches. Tunnel vision is a real affliction in this series.

Only a heartbeat did the shining bar exist, connecting ground and sky, but even after it vanished the earth yet heaved like the sea in a storm. Molten rock fountained five hundred feet into the air, and the groaning ground rose, thrusting the burning spray ever upward, ever higher.

No denial on the earth's part here, just straight up compliance.

Of Lewis Therin Telamon, no sign remained. Where he had stood a mountain now rose miles into the sky, molten lava still gushing from its broken peak.

Now imagine a million more dudes doing this and you start to see why the Breaking was as destructive as it was.

Then [Ishamael] was gone, and the mountain and the island stood alone. Waiting.

Presumably Ishamael went off and told someone about LTT's suicide before being vacuum sealed for a millennium and change, cuz otherwise there's no way people would know what Dragonmount was.

The oceans fled, and the mountains were swallowed up, and the nations were scattered to the eight corners of the World.

The west, the Waste, Shara, the sea, the Mad Lands, north Seanchan, southwest Seanchan, and southeast Seanchan. There, we've turned what was obviously an odd turn of phrase into a literal statement with all eight items acccounted for!

Let the Prince of the Morning sing to the land that green things will grow and the valleys give forth lambs. Let the arm of the Lord of the Dawn shelter us from the Dark, and the great sword of justice defend us. Let the Dragon ride again on the winds of time.

Well Rand did most of those things, but I don't remember any lambs, so I guess really he lost the war and the whole of the epilogue was a taunting dream the Dark One wove for him to distract him.

(God I hate those kinds of theories. If your assumption is that nothing is true, your theory is dumb and you should feel bad.)

From Charal Drianaan te Calamon,The Cycle of the Dragon.

So a lot of people talk about the conlanging in this setting and I just want to point one thing out: the fact that we go from the Old Tongue in the AoL to this New Tongue in the Fourth Age suggests very, very strongly that Randlanders are not inexplicably speaking English or anything close to it but something in between the two fake Tongues. We have a clear transition from things like "Telamon" and "siswai'aman" to "Calamon" for example, that dragon doesn't really fit into except as a distant ancestor/descendant.

Anyway, that right there is the prologue! I would compare and contrast it to Amazon's adaptation, but I cannot because they have not adapted this sequence yet. It's something of a shame, because I think the prologue is very important for making it clear that we're not actually doing a Tolkien-esque story like the early chapters suggest, but after seeing Winter Dragon I can also sympathize with not wanting to lead with this. That said, I am deeply depressed we couldn't keep Billy Zane and hope against hope that Rafe will find a role for him to be crazy in.

The TV show does do a sequence set in the AoL, but it's closer to being an adaptation of part of The Strike at Shayol Ghul than anything else, so I will hold off until we get there after A Crown of Swords.

[akajustmerry]

were you watching s1 of iwtv as it aired? and if so, was there this much of a push in interviews, from showrunner/actors/whoever, to hammer home the "they are all evil, they are all alike" thing. because to me it feels reaaaally weird that jones in particular seems to mention it in every interview, it feels like a continued effort to absolve lestat of what he did (in the interview i read he acknowledges armand's bad deeds, but reading between the lines handwaves lestat's). and i'm sorry. there's about to be a child rapist vampire on the show, i do not want to watch a show that goes into that territory with a "oh they are all alike and the things they do are equally bad" attitude. like. what. what lestat did to louis and claudia is worse than anything they ever did; in their relationship armand did bad things, louis did not; louis treated claudia badly, she did not. maybe it's a straight white man thing or truly just him trying to position lestat where he wants him to be in terms of morality, but i do not understand how jones can see what happened (and knows what will happen) in the show and continue to go "oh all of them are the same".

i didn't watch season one as it aired. i watched it about 6 months maybe more after it finished airing and i didn't really look up anything wrt the series. in fact, just before season 2 started airing when deah and i were prepping to do weekly recaps, they (deah) recommended i read more interviews with the cast and crew and that was honestly the first time i did. i'd read some interviews with sam reid but that was me looking for newsreader commentary, not iwtv, so i didn't absorb it and couldn't tell you what he said about lestat in season 1 to save my life.

i have no idea what you're talking about re: the child rapist stuff because i haven't read these books and don't plan to and don't want to know. but tbh the "they're all evil" attitude is all over the fandom and something i noticed long before season 2 came out when my mutuals would call out lestat's racism. i have a feeling (though i can't be sure) its an attitude/theme that probably worked better in the context of the books (or even the movie) when all these characters were white, but doesn't translate as well with characters who are now racialised. so yeah, of course rollin doesn't see how it doesn't work because....he's white. and i am not sure

[bookinit02]

HI HELLO GOOD EVENING

I'm dead tired bc I got barely any sleep last night + braindead because I've spent the past several hours binging through your Stranger Things Byler retelling and I'm a bit out of words, HOWEVER. It finally clicked in my head that you have a tumblr and I, also having a tumblr, can use said tumblr to throw my appreciation upon you in a more direct manner.

On that note... the retelling is AMAZING and I love it so very very much!!! (I've also been leaving a whole stream of comments on the fic itself, so a lot of my feelings have already been described in detail there XD). It makes me feel so very many emotions, both good AND bad, and for a fic to trigger THAT MUCH of an emotional reaction in me is really an achievement. It's so beautifully sad and tender and joyous and realistic, and all the more painful for it—and all the more beautiful IN that pain. I haven't actually been a big active part of the Stranger Things Fandom (TM) for several years, but I still often return to Byler fics, sort of like a comfort blanket in story form—and yours are some of the BEST (I think it was also you that wrote one of my favorite ever painting scene fix-its; I'll have to go back and re-read that as well!!)

I started reading season 4 last night (which is in part to blame for my lack of sleep) and finished up the rest of it today. I'm so extremely excited for season 5 and to see what you've done with it—I already started reading the script for episode one and it looks amazing (god, I bet that Mike having a panic attack/Vecna episode hurts WAY more in prose)!!! I can't decide between reading all the script first, then reading the fic; or reading the script episodes and then reading the according fic chapters; or just barreling on ahead in the fic and coming back to the script if it strikes my fancy later (which is, if I'm being honest, the most likely outcome). All will have to wait til tomorrow, however, as I have dinner and a warm bed to get to. All the love to you and your fic!!

(Love how I said "I'm so braindead I've run out of words" and then proceeded to give evidence to the EXACT OPPOSITE claim. I'm really a bit like Mike lmao, even if I'm struggling to actually describe my specific emotions or feelings about something, I can run my mouth about any old thing for ages XD)

hi hello good morning!!! i have been watching ur comments come in with so much joy and happiness—hopefully i get time to respond to all of them within the next few days! i hope that you have gotten so much rest and that you are all refreshed for the next day🫂💗

thank you so much for all your kind words, in this ask and otherwise! the rewrite is really a labor of love that has been sustaining me for over a year now, and it is always so impressive and awe-worthy to me when new people discover it and start from the very beginning. that is SO much to read!! several novels worth!

as for the script, read it in whatever order you would like! my recommended order was originally to read the script first, then the fic chapters—but i know that some people want to experience the plot twists and developments as they happen, so really any way you decide to read it is completely fine! the byler scenes are all the same (with a bit extra in the fic), it’s really just the other characters and plot lines that are expanded.

thank you for “running your mouth,” as you’ve called it—but i prefer to think that we’re just chatting🥳 i really love interacting with people through both comments and asks, so feel free to do both (and to talk as long as you’d like)! i am super grateful and honored that you’ve chosen to read my story, and i hope that you enjoy what i have so far of season 5!!💗🫂