#i haven’t scroll through my dash yet

[mydaystan]

so mh hi guess who’s back (day6) (day6 is back)

[diviinedogs]

NOT THE PO/RNBOT ASKS……

[arecaceae175]

Hello! I noticed that some of your fics on Ao3 are tagged "Screen Reader Friendly," and I wondered what makes a fic screen reader friendly. Is it just about formatting, or does content matter too?

Hi, thank you so much for asking this question!!! Disclaimer I am not visually impaired so all of this information I have learned by seeing blind or visually impaired people talk about this issue.

It’s primarily formatting! I’ll list everything I do to try to make my fics accessible here.

Line breaks!!! Use the ao3 line break code instead of adding a bunch of symbols. This is the biggest thing I had to change once I realized my fics were not screen reader friendly.

HOWEVER some screen readers won’t pick up on the horizontal line, either. Another good option is to use a short series of symbols, for example: “~~” or “- - -“

Basically, just don’t use more than three symbols in a row. I used to use “~~~/\~~~” with a delta symbol in the middle to look like the triforce, but a screen reader would see that and say “asterisk asterisk asterisk delta asterisk asterisk asterisk” which is pretty annoying lol

Most screen readers don’t differentiate between regular text and bold/italics. It’s fine to have those in your story, but if the bold/italics significantly changes the plot or the implications of a sentence then it is not screen reader friendly

Screen readers can’t describe a line break that is just an empty space. For example, in one of my fics I have a character reading a note, and I have an extra ‘return button’ space before and after the note to make the note distinct from the rest of the text. To make that fic more screen reader friendly, instead of just an empty space, I wrote “[Line Break]”. That way, a screen reader can say “line break”, and readers still recognize it as a line break

If you have any sort of chat fic (AND this goes for hashtags on tumblr too!) with screen names, be sure to distinguish the separate words in the screen name. You can do this with by capitalizing the first letter of each word like this “ScreenNameHere” or with dashes in between each word “screen-name-here”. That helps screen readers and also people with things like dyslexia who have trouble distinguishing words if they aren’t capitalized or separated in some way.

Screen readers can read image emojis like this smiley face 😁 because they have embedded alt text, but they can’t read text emojis as an emoji, like this one “:D”. If you use any of those in your fic, add a description like this: “ :D [Image description: text emoji of a smiley face with a big, open mouthed smile. End description].”

Also, this one doesn’t have to do with a screen reader, but if you have an image embedded in your story, keep these things in mind:

Be sure to describe the image so anyone who is blind or visually impaired can still experience the image. I don’t think it’s possible to add alt text to the actual image, so I usually put this below the image: “[Image ID: description of the image. Note the important details, but be as concise as you can. /End ID]”. Including the image description instead of some sort of alt text is good for DeafBlind people who can’t see the image well enough but don’t use a screen reader.

Some blind or visually impaired people don’t use a screen reader and instead zoom in on the text. If an image is embedded in the story, be sure it is sized correctly. If it isn’t, it can make scrolling sideways to read zoomed in text more difficult because it makes the webpage much wider than the text itself.

Not all my fics have the screen reader friendly tag because 1. There might be a few I haven’t updated yet, and 2. I didn’t include the tag on fics that have weird formatting or are accent heavy. For example, in Kinship I wrote Twilight’s dialogue to represent his strong accent, and those kinds of things with apostrophes and half-words don’t come through well with a screen reader.

I personally don’t think it’s good practice to include a ton of apostrophes or shortened words to distinguish an accent. Even for people not using screen readers, it’s hard to read. For me, if I see a fic with things like that, I won’t read it. Maybe try having a few words that the character’s accent comes through on, or write something about their heavy accent outside of the dialogue.

The “Screen Reader Friendly” tag isn’t an officially recognized AO3 tag yet, but the more people who use it, the sooner it will be!

Those are all the things I can think of right now. If anyone has any other tips to add, please do so!!

[onlystylesangels]

Silent Struggles

Anon: I might have a request … :) so what if harry found fem!Y/N’s pack of cigarettes and he didn’t know she smoked bc she never mentioned anything and he talks to her bc he’s concerned?/ Anon: H's girl seems to be acting off and he confronts her and it turns out she's been dealing with some depression and anxiety and she's been to scared to let anyone in or... reader seems to be going through something and hasn't told anyone about it and starts smoking cigarettes; dealing with her problems alone.

Warnings!!!: talks about anxiety, talks about depression, smoking, fluff, Harry being a supportive boyfriend, reader feeling insecure

A/N: Hello!!!! I know it's been a very long time since I have posted a new Harry writing. But here it is, lovies! I hope you enjoy this one. !!!***Before you read I want to start by saying that you are loved and you're precious to this world. I love you, yeah, you the lovely person that's reading this. I care about you and there are so many people around you that care for you too. Please if you're going through something, don't fight alone. Please tell someone what you're going through. Please be safe. -A <3

It happened as always. At night you would wake up from a nightmare, open the drawer from your nightstand and rummage for your new pack of cigarettes, the plastic wrapper still intact. You took two cigarettes out and grabbed your lighter. You walk into the balcony and start the fire. You inhale a sharp breath and let out the hollowing contents of nicotine. It felt nice. Feeling the nightly fresh air hit your exposed arms, goosebumps adorning your skin as you puff out smoke from your mouth. It happened as always, as a freshly new night routine. 

The next morning you woke up with the bitter taste of nicotine filling your senses and feeling a bit dizzy when you sat up from bed. You quickly grab your phone and look at the time. It was already 9am and you were positive that you were going to be running late to the local bookstore. 

So, you take a shower and put on clothes that may or may not have matched together to create a decent outfit, but fuck it. You were about to be late so you had to work with what you had. You quickly dashed to the kitchen and prepared a quick breakfast and made sure to message Harry. 

“Hi bubba! I’m heading out to work. I’ll see you later today, okay? Love you.”

“Sounds good, love. I love you too. Make sure to drink enough water!” 

Harry, always the caring type. You loved that about him. Having a person loving you for you and always making sure that you were doing okay was one of the blessings that you took for granted. If only it were that easy to show that same love to yourself.   

“Richie! Did you get a chance to call Davy? His favorite book just came in and he had first dibs on the book” You shout out to your coworker who always seems to be too busy to work as he is sitting at the back corner of the bookstore, scrolling through his phone. Pesky phones, fucking culprits of rotting out your brain.  

“Haven’t gotten a chance, Y/N. Why don’t you call ‘em?” Richie sends you a head nod and immediately looks down at his phone. Fucking twat.

You roll your eyes and walk towards the front desk and call Davy. But before you start pushing down the buttons on the phone you see someone come in.

“Hey Y/N! Has that book come in here yet?” The man of the hour. Davy, the active reader and loyal customer of the Blues Blues Bookstore. 

“Hey there, Davy. I was literally just about to call you. I got that book reserved here for you. Hold on.” 

You walk towards the back of the store and retrieve the book that had a bookmark with his name plastered on it. You walk towards the entrance and hand it to him. He quickly takes the book in his hands and begins turning the pages. 

“I love it! Thank you again, Y/N! Glad I got here as quickly as possible.” 

You turn towards the computer and begin typing away, clearing the book for Davy.

“My pleasure, Davy. Just make sure to always come back. You’re keeping us in business, remember?” You joke, making Davy laugh and giving you an eye roll.

“Yeah, yeah. I recommended some people to come by to the store. Not sure if they found their way in yet.”   

“Haven’t seen any new faces lately. I would ask Richie, but that twat doesn’t do anything here, so I guess no new customers.”

“Hmm, you should bring that up to Daya. I’m sure she’ll fire the guy.”

Firing Richie, tsk, that guy is literally family to Daya. Even if you tell her that Richie doesn’t do anything in the store she’ll find a way to defend him and tell you off. There is no way that you would ever start a conversation regarding firing Richie to Daya; she’ll never believe or listen to you. 

“We’ll see.” Is all you say as Davy puts his new book in his satchel.

“I’ll see you around, Y/N.” Davy says as he starts walking towards the doors. “Oh, and tell that boyfriend of yours hi. I haven’t seen that English man in a while.” 

You smile at the thought of him bringing up Harry. 

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll tell him you said hi. See you Davy.” You wave goodbye to him as he does the same. 

During your break time you try to sneak in some time to smoke a cigarette and make sure that the door you come out from is shut tightly. You feel dumb for hiding your recent cigarette intake from people, but then again, people see you as the nicest and innocent person on earth. Yeah, sure. But you kept thinking about the deadline. Your personal deadline that you set yourself to meet someone at the law college that you have been researching on. 

For a couple of months now you’ve been thinking about applying to a local law college in your city and were afraid to continue the process. You continuously had non-pep talks about how you would be a terrible law student and that you may not make it to getting accepted into the college. This and telling anyone about it was just too much for you to handle. You didn't even tell Harry yet. You knew why you didn’t want to tell anyone; you didn’t want to burden them with your problems. Problems that you knew were affecting you mentally and emotionally. 

= = = 

After the break you couldn’t stop the thoughts running through your mind. The mere thought of reaching out to the law school representatives and going to that mandatory interview to see if you were worth being a candidate for their college was already too much to think about. And so you continue your work in the bookstore. Putting new books up on the shelves and welcoming customers into the bookstore. Parents accompanied with their children as you reach for the candy jar under the front desk to offer to the children. You liked your job at the bookstore, but you felt like you needed a change of scenery, especially after working there for four years. And the thought of leaving this job and trying something new frightened you.

A couple of minutes before you were off. There was a ding heard at the entryway.

“Sorry, we’re closed. You can come by tomorrow at-” You look up from the front desk and notice that it’s Harry. Carrying a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His hair started to grow from the buzz cut he got months ago. Gray trousers and loose fitting t-shirt that was starting to rip at the neckline. You told him to throw that shirt away but he always replied by saying that it was his lucky shirt. Did you believe him? Of course not, but if he claims it is his lucky shirt then it’s his lucky shirt.

“Harry!” You run towards him ignoring the stack of books that were in front of you that needed price tags. 

Harry smiles and hugs you back as he kisses your cheek. “Hi, my love.” You walk back a bit and finally take notice of the bouquet of flowers in his hands. 

“And these?” 

“Oh, I got ‘em for Richie. You know that marvelous coworker of yours,” He lies through his teeth, your eyes rolling at the mention of his name. He notices your change of mood and lifts your chin with his thumb. “Hey, lovie. I’m joking. These are for you. I saw them at the local flower shop and thought that you would like ‘em.” Your lips start curving into a smile and you give him a kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, Harry,” you smell the flowers and softly touch the flower petals, “They’re gorgeous.”

“You’re welcome, my love.” Harry follows you as you go towards the backroom. Retrieving your things and ready to call it a day at the bookstore. 

“Ready?” Harry asks you. You smile in response and immediately grab his hand as he leads you both to the exit. You lock the doors to the bookstore and leave walking hand-in-hand with Harry.

You reach your apartment and unlock the door to your little home. You walk in along with Harry and make your way to the sink and grab a vase under the sink cabinet. Harry watches you as you fill the vase with water and stick the flowers in it; he admires your acts and just leans his weight on the kitchen island and stares at you as if you were this beautiful undiscovered galaxy. 

You catch him staring and you get shy all of a sudden. You get a bit self-conscious, but then that feeling goes away when Harry walks towards you and cups your cheeks. 

“You’re so pretty, Y/N.” You feel your cheeks get hot and you quickly turn your head away from his gaze; not even hiding the smile that you had. Harry chuckles and swiftly turns your head back to his gaze. “Don’t hide from me, love. It’s just me.” Harry teases, the back of his hand smoothly running down your cheek. 

“You make me nervous, Harry.” You confess, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you making me shy.” 

Harry picks you up and walks towards the couch. He keeps you on his lap as you continue hiding away from him. You both have been dating for over a year and so you must’ve at least gotten used to all those times that Harry gets you all flustered, but you haven’t yet. It’s like falling in love with him for the first time. That’s how you feel right now. Your body is so close to his and his arms wrapped around your body as he just holds you. Appreciating your presence; he held you in strong arms as if he was afraid to let you go. And he was.

For the rest of the evening you both order takeout from two different restaurants because you were craving two of your favorite foods. Harry happily ordered from the two restaurants as he left you in an excited mess. Excited that you were finally going to eat those foods that you craved for so long. The food doesn’t take long for it to arrive at the apartment and so you and Harry eat on the couch and watch some movies to pass the time. You both joke around about the characters from the movie that you were both watching and made the night pleasant. 

As the night went along, you were laughing along with Harry and enjoying being in each other’s company. You wished you could be there on the couch all night, but you were starting to yawn and your eyes starting to droop from how sleepy you were. Harry noticed and turns off the tv and grabs your hand and leads you both to your bedroom. He lets you go into the bathroom first to start your night routine as he lies down on the bed scrolling on his phone. 

You walk out the bathroom and stand over the bed and lean down to meet Harry’s eyes. He plops his phone down on his stomach and you take this opportunity to kiss his pink lips. 

“Mm, I don’t want to shower anymore.” He whines in between kisses. You chuckle and grab both of his hands and try your best to lift your boyfriend up from the bed. Jeez, you weren’t an active gym-rat, but from just lifting up his body you felt like you did a whole workout.

“Damn, Harry.” You swipe a hand over your forehead. Harry laughed in response. 

“My bones are heavy, love.” He simply responds as he walks towards your dresser and opens up his designated drawer that has some of his clothes in it. “Be right back, lovie.” He looks behind him and sees you starting to make yourself comfortable on your side of the bed. 

“Don’t take too long.” You respond

“I’ll try not to.” He walks to the bathroom with a new pair of clothes hanging on his shoulder. He leaves the door open; the showerhead turning on.

A couple of minutes pass and Harry walks back into the bedroom; drying his hair as best as he could. It was easier for him to dry it now that it was shorter. You lift up the bed covers inviting him inside the warm cocoon. You both lie together, Harry spooned you from behind and as you brought one his arms up to your chest. You both fall asleep into a quiet slumber. 

But you wake up after a couple of hours. You didn’t even bother to check the time as you opened your eyes and slowly removed Harry’s arm from hugging your body. You sit up and walk towards your bedside drawer; already knowing your nightly routine. You grab the pack of cigarettes that were hidden under some of your favorite books and miscellaneous items that you kept forgetting to get rid of. You also get a lighter that was stashed inside your purse and go outside to the balcony.

The butt of the cigarette blazes to life as you take a breath in of the substance and slowly let a breath out. Your thoughts once again start to disappear with every intake of breath you take. It numbed them, made them disappear, but only temporarily. You knew that smoking was making your lungs get sore and your nose wrinkling still not getting used to the smell of the smoke, but you didn’t care at that moment. It numbed everything, it numbed your problems and it made everything feel-- better.

As you continued puffing out air of smoke you continued looking up at the sky, stars aligning the horizon randomly. With each puff of smoke you felt the anxiety slowly go away. You were almost down to the brim of the cigarette, so you could comfortably go back to sleep. Once you were about to inhale one last breath of nicotine you heard footsteps making its way towards the balcony. You freeze and hold the cigarette in your  fingers, bringing your hand to your side. 

“Y/n?” Harry says as he rubs the sleepiness out of his eyes. “What are you doing out here, it’s la-” He stops himself once he notices what’s in your hand. He looked confused, he didn’t know you smoked. 

“Harry.” You reply. The cigarette is still in between your fingers, burning away. 

“I- I didn’t know you smoke.” Harry begins slowly walking towards you, concern sketched in his eyes.

You look down at the cigarette that continues to burn away and you feel tears start welling up in your eyes. You bring the cigarette up in front of you and stomp it on the floor, watching as the smoke starts consuming your nose. Regret. Regret is what you were feeling as you turned to Harry’s presence, his demeanor causing you to feel like a deer in front of headlights. You’re sorry. Sorry that you never told him that you picked up smoking because of not having anything else to control your anxiety. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Harry runs to you and embraces you with all his might. “Oh love. Come here.” You snuggled into his embrace and began crying. You held onto his arms so tightly that you were clutching onto him afraid of him letting go. Letting you go.

“I was scared. I just wanted to help… myself.” You mutter.

Harry held you as he ran his hands down your back. He would occasionally massage your head. “I promise you baby, I am going to be here for as long as you want me to, then you can let me in and help you.” He held onto you tightly and he kissed the side of your face. Harry let you cry on his chest as he rubbed your back soothingly, trying best to comfort you.

“I just felt alone.”  

Harry steps back a bit and looks you in the face, concern written all over his green irises. He held your hand in his and met your eyes filled with tears.“You have me, darlin’.” Harry said, his fingers lightly brushing away the stranded tear on your cheek. “I’m right here, Y/N.” He reassures you. Bringing you close to his body again.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m sorry.” You let out, Harry cupping your cheeks trying to calm your nerves. 

“Hey, hey. It���s okay. You have nothin’ to apologize for, lovie.” He looks at your bloodshot eyes. Seeing you sad like this he felt broken. Broken that he didn’t know how to make you feel better, broken because he hated seeing you without a smile on your face. Broken that he wasn’t aware that you were hurting. “Is it okay if I ask what’s going on?” He said with a soft voice. 

“I– I just been sad and overthinking, okay.” You let out, your hands coming up to cover your face. You felt ashamed, as if a parent just witnessed the most disappointing act from their child. You hated feeling insecure in your own skin; you felt worse that it was Harry that was looking down at you with concern in his eyes and his body weight shifting to softly take your hands in his and seeing your face. 

“Hey, hey. Y/N, baby, you’re scaring me. What are you sad about,” Harry steps back a bit giving you room to speak and mostly giving himself self-control from forcing you to share what’s been making you sad. “Baby, I’m right here, okay. It’s just me.” 

You slowly turn your head away from his gaze and look at the sky. Your hands no longer covering your flushed face, but now twiddling with your shirt, Harry’s shirt. You feel bad that you now created droplets of tears on the collar of his favorite shirt. 

“I just have been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and I just… sniffle… I didn’t want you to worry about me.” Your hands constantly were moving from your face down to your shirt. Harry catches your little antics and walks towards you, slowly, making sure that he has a good distance between you two before he starts again.

“Y/N. I had no idea that you were going through something. I had the feeling that you were acting a bit different, but never thought that something was affecting you,” He waits for your permission to come in closer and so he takes no time and has his hands cupping your cheeks. Tears staining your beautiful cheeks that he so dearly loved taking his time in kissing and feeling your soft skin against his ring-clad fingers. “I wished I knew you were going through something.” He confessed, sensing a feeling of regret that he felt for not seeing the signs of you feeling depressed and not being your energetic-self. Now as he looks back, he noticed your change of behavior. Being a bit more reserved, but still communicating with him which led him not sensing a shift of you. 

 “You always told me that it was your period messin’ with ya mood. I was so stupid to believe that. Baby, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.” 

It’s true. You shared to him that the past couple of months when he would suggest going out to shopping outlets and going out for dinner you would simply reply that you weren’t in the mood to go out in public. That your period was getting the best of you and drained your energy. It was true that you had bad days when you were on your period, but you made him believe that it was your menstrual cycle being the culprit of you feeling drained. 

“I’m sorry, Harry.” You cried out, his hands holding your head as he hugged your frame and landed kisses on your head. 

“It’s okay. I know now that you haven’t been feeling good. Jus’ let me help you, yeah?” Harry looks down at you, your eyes bloodshot as a soft smile creeps up on Harry’s lips. You follow suit and slowly mimic a smile back. 

Harry leads you back to the bedroom and lets you sit on the edge of the bed. “‘M going to start a bath for you. Is that okay?” 

You nod in agreement and he starts turning on the bath faucet, making sure that the water is warm enough to calm your body and hopefully make you feel a bit better. As he is sure that the water is at the right temperature he comes back to the bedroom where you are still sitting on the bed. He kneels in front of you and looks up at you, his hands running up and down your arms gently. 

“The water is almost ready for ya. I’m gonna get those bath bombs you like so much and light up some candles.” He says, reaching towards your head and landing a kiss on your forehead. You softly smile at his action and continue looking at his beautiful eyes that you could never get tired of looking at. 

He goes back to the bathroom and takes a blueberry muffin scented bath bomb and throws it inside the bathtub as he watches the water fizzle and quickly change into a dark blue hue. He then lights up a couple of candles and sets them on the sink cabinet.

He comes back to the bedroom and Harry motions for you to stand up and you do and follow behind him making your way to the bathroom. He’s about to leave you alone in the bathroom for you to get undressed, giving you privacy.

You quickly reach towards his hand and he stops from walking out the bathroom. He looks back at you waiting for you to say something. 

“Stay, please.” You mutter softly. His hand slowly intertwines with yours as he shuts the door behind him and walks towards you. Nodding in agreement as he follows suit and starts undressing. You motion for him to help you unclasp your bra and he quickly does it with ease. 

You step into the warm water and instantly feel the water relieving your tired muscles. You didn’t even realize how tense your muscles were. Harry then follows you and lands both feet on the warm bathtub. He lies down first and motions for you to lie down against his chest. You carefully situate your body close to his and feel his thick thighs wrap around your own legs, his arms wrapping around your mid area. Your breasts touching his forearms. Your skin sinking into the warm embrace of the scented water as you shiver, goosebumps trailing on your skin yet again from the cool air coming from the bathroom. Harry cups his hands into the water and brings it up to splash water on your chest and remaining skin that has yet to make contact with the warm water. You smile from his gentle mannerisms as you lean back into his chest, your head cradling on top of his chest. You look up at him as he smiles down at you, dimples on full display. 

Harry kisses the top of your head and you close your eyes and smile in response. His soft touches always make you feel relaxed.

“You want to talk ‘bout it?” Harry asked, his hands making small circles on your belly.  

“No. But I need to talk about it,” You reply, holding onto his free hand that’s holding onto the tub. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I have been thinking about going back to school. Law school.” You confess, playing with Harry’s fingers and tracing his knuckles.

“That’s exciting, love. I’m happy that you’re thinking about going back to school.” He soothes your belly some more. 

You turn your head just enough to catch his gaze. “Yeah, but I know how much you want to move in together. I want to move in together too, but law school isn’t cheap.” 

“We’ll figure it out together. I can always pick up extra shifts at the tattoo parlor and maybe sell some of my songs on the side.” Harry assures you. 

“But, I don’t want you working too hard for my sake. That’s one of the reasons why I was afraid to tell you this.” You turn your attention back to Harry’s freehand and continue tracing his knuckles. 

Harry catches this and softly tilts your head so he could see your eyes. “Hey, lovie. We’re in this together. If you have dreams of your own I will stand by you and help you achieve those dreams. We’re a team, yeah?” 

You smile up at him. Tears slowly start to blur your vision. You have always been like this. When new problems would arise you would shut-off, you wouldn’t tell anyone about what you were going through and it was hard for you to ask for help. You were that friend that always told people to reach out to you if they were going through something, but that’s the exact thing that you don’t do. Leaving yourself to fend for yourself; self-sabotaging yourself. 

You look away and land your hands on your knees, feeling tears starting to slide down your cheeks again. “I feel like such a loser. Why is this small thing bothering me so much?” You quietly say. 

Harry shifts his body just enough so he could see the state that you’re in. He moves a couple of your wet strands away from your face and tucks it behind your ear. “Hey, don’t call yourself that. You’re not a loser. You’re my beautiful girlfriend who's the strongest person I’ve ever known.” 

Pfft. “Strong?” You repeat, feeling an urge of disgust with yourself. 

“Hey, whatever you’re feeling, we’ll get through it together. You’re strong for sharing what you’re going through.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Harry.” You turn your head and stare at his eyes. Wanting to feel his lips against yours.

“It’s okay, baby.” He kisses your shoulder and notices how your gaze looks at his lips. He meets your eyes and leans close to kiss your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his body closer to yours, feeling his body heat. Your arms run down his tattooed arm and leave his lips wishing for more as you start kissing his swallows on his chest. 

He brings your face close to his. “We’ll do this together, lovie. I promise.” He says through kisses, kissing every crevice of your face, making you smile from his facial hair tickling your skin. 

As you two finish up bathing and drying your bodies and changing into clean clothes; you started to feel better. You weren’t sure if it was because you finally told Harry what you were going through, or if it was because you had Harry with you being that only person to see you at your lowest and comforting you. You didn’t know, but you felt good.

You both get ready for bed. Harry finishes brushing his teeth and putting a serum on his face that you recommended him to try. You lay down on the bed waiting for Harry to walk into the bedroom. He discards his shirt and throws it somewhere in the bedroom. Thinking about that in the morning he’s going to be looking for that garment all morning. The thought of it makes you smile. 

Harry walks to the bed and lies down. He motions you to climb on him and you do as you carefully situate one of your legs to be between one his legs. You look at him to check if he looks comfortable.

“Is this okay?” You asked, he nods and slides a hand under your shirt, his hand running up and down your back. He kisses the crook of your neck. You lie your head on his chest and hear his heart beating in a steady rhythm. With the thumping of Harry’s heart you begin drifting off into sleep. 

“Goodnight, lovie.” Harry whispers to you. But you were already out. Harry takes it as a clue that you have already called it a night when you didn’t respond back. He smiles to himself and continues running his hands over your back, feeling your body relax to his soft touch.

That night was the first night that you felt good, happy even. You felt relieved, this was one of the first nights that you slept through the whole night. You didn’t wake up to a nightmare clouding your unconscious mind. You had Harry next to you, hugging your body, feeling his warm breath hit the crevices of your neck, feeling his arms wrapped around you as if you were his only safe haven.

The next day…

“You want me to be there with you while you fill out the college application?” Harry asks you as he takes a sip of his tea. 

You hold the mug of freshly brewed coffee and smell the vanilla hazelnut creamer and instantly making you melt. 

“You would do that?”

“Of course. I want to be in every step of the college process, if you let me.”

“I would love that, Harry.” You smile as you set down your mug. 

“Okay, my love,” Harry kisses the top of your head and whispers "I love you” to you. “I’m going to get something for us to eat. I’ll be right back.” He takes his wallet and spare keys into one hand and leans towards you where you sit in the kitchen island. “Kissy?” 

Kissy. A cute little phrase that you would both ask each other to ask for permission for a kiss. A phrase that started since you two were dating for five months. A little phrase that was childish, but you both didn’t care. It was cute. 

You smile up at him. As you took another sip of your coffee, then another one. Teasing Harry as a pout started to appear on his face. He then started blinking his eyes furiously making you stop drinking from your mug. He got you there.

“Kissy.” You lean over to him and kiss him. You cup his cheek and run your freehand into his hair. He moaned into your touch making you smile in response. 

“I’ll be back, yeah?” 

“Okay. I love you Harry.” 

“I love you.” 

He walks out the door with his spare keys being the only thing you hear as he makes his way down the corridor. Leaving you alone with your mug of coffee half-way filled in front of you. You walk to the living room and grab the laptop that was on top of the coffee table and bring it back to the kitchen island. You set it there and wait. You stare at the black screen of the laptop as your reflection looks back at you. You continue taking small sips of your coffee and wait until Harry comes back. 

////////

“Hey, darlin’ I got your favorite snacks and lunch from that Vietnamese restaurant you like.” Harry enters into the small apartment and takes you by surprise. You were reading a book that you always put off. He walked towards you and set the bags of food on the kitchen island in front of you. 

“Are you ready, lovie?” 

As time passed you completed the university application and stopped yourself to double check on every detail that you added on the application. You felt nervous, anxious about completing the whole college application process, but you knew that it was going to be worth it in the end. You were glad that you had Harry with you filling the application, because you wouldn’t have had the courage to fill it out on your own. You were happy that you were accompanied and had his support. Harry didn’t ignore the anxiety and the way that you would play with your fingers while filling out the online application. This was a lot for you and he understood that you needed a well-deserved break. 

“Hey baby, take a small break,” Harry grabs the laptop and closes it, but making sure that he saved the application before doing so. “Here, get some foodsies.” Harry passes you the large bowl filled with your favorite pho. 

You take a mouthful of the delicious seasoned soup and sigh as you feel the warmth of the soup comforting your body, leaving you in a relaxed state. “Thank you my love,” you take a napkin and wipe the corners of your mouth. “I missed pho so much.” 

Harry smiles in response as he takes a bite of his own pho. He sits closer to you as his knees touch yours. He gave you frequent glances as a way to know that you were eating well and keeping note of your reactions. You were comfortable which made him happy. 

The night went along well. You finished applying for the university and only waited to get a response back. A couple of weeks it would take before you would get a response. So you continued going to the bookstore and you were starting to share more things with Harry, something that you didn’t do before. You shared more about your past, your family. He knew about your parents and other closer family members, but you never went into depth with other important people that you grew up with back home. You were happy to share more of your life with Harry. 

You both spent more time with each other more often. If you called Harry that you were feeling down, Harry would drop what he was doing and quickly get to your apartment as fast as he could. If you were on your period and Harry knew about it he would stay the whole week to make sure that you were taking care of yourself and to obviously spoil you. Just because flowers were his favorite habit of showing you that he loved you and would randomly gift you little crochet stuffies from a local independent shop. He eventually got you so many that you were running out of spaces where to put them, but you loved every little crochet plushie, they were just so cute! 

The more time that you spent with Harry you hadn’t picked up a cigarette. After Harry found out that you were smoking to relieve what you were feeling he didn’t judge or tell you that you had to stop smoking. Instead, he didn’t mention it, but acknowledged that it was something that you picked up when you were feeling depressed. So, you were grateful that he was there with you along the way of you figuring out how to slowly stop smoking. 

Weeks later…

And so you waited two weeks. In those two weeks a lot happened. Harry was getting his stuff ready to officially move in with you. Nothing much happened, just helping Harry move in his boxes and get him situated in your now shared apartment. He was excited to start living with you and as he said it “Happy to wake up next to my lovie every mornin’.” You were ecstatic to live with Harry, and, well, he already was living in your apartment when he would stay some nights, but this was going to be different. You were going to wake up next to him every morning and being grumpy on Saturday mornings because Harry would wake you to go on morning runs. On a Saturday out of all days! But you were getting too used to him living in your shared space.

Later that week you received an acceptance letter from the university that you applied at. When Harry came to the apartment from work that same day you told him out of excitement. He hugged you tight and gave you so many kisses that overwhelmed you, but you didn’t care you were too happy. The following week you spent a whole week getting school supplies. Harry came along of course picking out the most random things that he swore that you would use in college. Who needs three white boards and two big packs of big sticky notes? You were content in getting one white board and one big sticky note pack just to make Harry feel better. 

“But you’re gonna need two of ‘em, lovie.” 

You chuckle at his antics, “Why two Harry? I just need one.” 

Harry stares down at the plastic covered white board in his hands. “Cause ya gonna need to jot down our date nights. You can’t fit everythin’ on one white board.” He reminds you.

“Bubba, one is enough.” 

You take the white board and pack of stickies with you along with some other supplies. Harry followed behind as he kept putting in colorful markers and journaling stickers in the cart. He definitely made that shopping trip amusing. And you loved every moment of it. 

Four years later…

You sat at every class lecture and followed along what the professors talked about. You were present, you were dedicated and it paid off. There were times where you had breakdowns because of the workload that law school brought to you and it was a lot to handle. The anxiety that was kept at bay was slowly creeping onto you during those troubling school semesters that were always heavy with coursework, but you always had Harry there to guide you through breathing techniques. It was a lot, but you were happy that you were pushing through those semesters for you, for your future and Harry’s. You were proud all those days that you showed up to class prepared to learn the material and to later take the bar exams.

Those four years really did pay off. Cap and gown on and a smile on your face as you waited for your name to be called on the intercom. You walked onto stage as you had the urge to cry, but you stopped yourself because you knew that this was your moment. You were ecstatic that you finally met your goal. Going to school and having Harry and your close family members with you during this long journey. Happy that you were no longer alone… well, you were never alone, but you finally knew what it felt to let people in, let people care about you and let them hear your struggles. You were no longer suffering in silence. You were now walking down the stage with a diploma in your hand, holding onto your biggest achievement and you were excited to see what the future held for you. You knew that whatever life would bring you, you would no longer fight it alone, because you had people and you were no longer going to struggle in silence.

[jewish-vents]

first - i just want to say thank you for making this blog. it’s so important to know that we aren’t alone in the many things we’re experiencing and feeling right now, especially when so many of us have become painfully isolated as of late.

i apologize for how long this one is going to be.

i’ve been feeling so, so alone recently. my tumblr dash has been cut down to just a handful of jewish blogs that i can trust to be kind and understanding and nuanced, but it means that the majority of the content i see is about antisemitism and the war. after a while, it becomes draining to scroll through what feels like endless sadness. i turned to looking at fandom tags instead of following fandom blogs, but it makes me feel equally as insane to click on a blog about race cars and immediately see a post with 60k notes calling what’s happening in gaza “the new holocaust”. i started going back on twitter, but fan accounts on there too are only safe for a day or so before the account owner shares some awful antisemitic tweet from an account known to be an anti-jewish extremist. i went back on instagram briefly, but i was soon afraid to look at people’s stories for fear i’d see something terrible and lose yet another trusted person from my life.

in person, i have to walk by signs saying “zionism = genocide” and hastily scribbled palestinian flags with the colors in the wrong spot on my way to class every day. a wall across from my apartment says “BDS” in giant letters. i haven’t opened my curtains in months because of it. a “protest” of about 25 people stood in the center of campus and yelled and waved their fists in passing students’ faces, so jewish students didn’t go to class on any of the days they gathered. i only have one non jewish friend left at school - the rest abandoned me because i either called them out on antisemitic rhetoric or refused to go along with the idea that anyone, palestinian or israeli, muslim or jewish, is less than human. i had taken several of them along to our hillel’s seder in the past. i don’t know who i can safely go with this year. i have a few jewish friends, of course, but i love bringing goyische friends with little connection to judaism along to experience how joyful and loving jewish holidays can be.

it feels like there is no escape from this fucking war. it sickens me that it’s the only thing people pretend to care about - where is the attention for sudan, ukraine, armenia, uyghurs in china, syria, guyana? how is putting an emoji in your twitter bio or putting a translucent overlay of the palestinian flag on your tumblr icon any sort of real activism? how have we gone from “antisemitism is wrong” to “(((zionists))) control the world media”? it seems like the war is a fandom to these people. it seems like nobody cares enough to fully read and think critically about what they share, let alone do real research beyond looking at an infographic somebody shared on their instagram story. they’ll add on “don’t forget your click today!” to an unrelated twitter thread that went viral, flip the bird at the local starbucks, and put “won’t you free my palestine” on their instagram stories. they’ll anonymously tell a jew online to commit suicide. they’ll feel secure in the knowledge that they’re the perfect leftist, that this is somehow “good trouble”. all this praxis, and nothing to show for it but massive surges in hate crimes against jews. good job, guys! you singlehandedly saved every innocent person in gaza!

it’s isolating. it’s scary. jews can’t mourn. jews can’t be angry. jews can’t disagree. jews can’t suffer. jews can’t be whole, complex people with diverse beliefs and experiences. suffering is a game, and the goal is to hurt the most, scream the most, die the most, all to appease western leftists whose closest connection to war and violence was reading the hunger games in middle school.

i’m tired of it all. i want a peaceful and just resolution to the war. i want the mindless hatred everywhere to stop. i want to be able to scroll through social media and see nothing but fandom. i want to walk through campus with my magen david showing and all the friends i lost by my side on the way to the hillel seder. i want to open my curtains again. i know the experience of one diaspora jew is nothing compared to what people living in israel and palestine are currently going through, yet i still need this all to end. i don’t think any of us can go on like this, but we must, because we have. for thousands of years, we’ve gone on. that still doesn’t mean it has to be this hard all the time.

all i can think is “now we are slaves. next year may we be free.” now we are slaves to hatred and violence and suffering. next year may we all be free. next year may we all be in jerusalem.

.

[writing-for-life]

Tags, Glorious Tags

Some encouragement to follow and check them more consistently…

So I did a little experiment: Tags with under 1k followers don’t get their numbers shown on Tumblr. I put the Sandman characters through the search, and while there were no big surprises (if we think about the main fandom demographic), the numbers were still staggering.

I tried all sorts of different iterations, too, and included the higher/most frequently used ones:

Note to self: “Lucienne the librarian” is not a popular tag. Welp, I shall tag differently in the future.

Two outliers because people will also follow these for the Lucifer/Hellblazer series/comics, not The Sandman:

That’s it. All other characters have under 1,000 followers. I’ve also added the shipping tags to the bottom of this post. Read them and weep/laugh/whatever feels right.

Even if we take into consideration that the characters who already made an appearance in the series will get higher numbers than the ones that non-comic readers haven’t met yet (because let’s be honest: This is currently largely a TV-, not a comics fandom):

Where is Desire (I find that really surprising considering I constantly read how much people love Mason)?

Where is Despair?

Where is Calliope (she has a tag, but that’s in no way Sandman related. All Sandman ones are under 1k)?

Where is Johanna Constantine (also extremely surprising to me)?

Where is Rose Walker, who had a whole arc?

Where are Fiddler’s Green, Unity (both too old presenting, I get it, but it’s just driving the point home that it’s not about narrative importance but having the hots 🤣), Gault, Nada, to just name a few?

This has nothing to do with screen time allocated to characters, as should also be obvious. Even Matthew is more popular than other (mostly female) characters who drive the story, or are at least a big part of it.

It would be easy to say, “Well, these are just the favourites, nothing we can do about that.” And while that’s true, it’s also not quite as simple…

Fandom favourites vs checking the tags

As someone who runs a Sandman blog that tries to cover all characters (and of course I cover some more than others, so it’s definitely not about that) and isn’t too interested in shipping, I can see how the reblogs stack—they come through people’s mutuals, not through tags (bar the popular two or three).

But if we really love a character, we need to check and follow their tags consistently, and I can tell that’s often not the case but for said popular two or three. Posts for those tend to get default engagement because even people who don’t follow me check these tags, and they reblog straight from there (i.e. not through a third person). Other characters though? Only if someone with a relatively popular blog reblogs (and that hardly ever happens, and if it does, it’s usually for Death, Delirium and maybe Lucienne). It never happens straight through the tags.

Which also makes it somewhat worth thinking about that we, on the one hand, bemoan that no one cares about certain characters while at the same time heavily relying (maybe not even consciously) on mutuals who do check tags to feed that stuff into our dash (and we probably often don’t scroll down very far either). I see those little fandom bubbles very clearly because my blog is pretty broad (as in not ship-centric) and I notice, on the regular, who kicks off the chain for those underappreciated characters no one but them goes into the tags for (you’re doing the Lord’s work 🫂).

This is not about saying some characters should be more popular or others shouldn’t, because people like what they like, and that’s okay. Morpheus is and always will be my favourite, and apparently, I’m in good company 😉

But I also love other characters of narrative importance, and if we want to see their art, their fics, their metas, we need to follow and, above all, check their tags. Regularly. Because that stuff is there. Maybe not quite as plentiful, but the problem is also: If no one interacts with it, people just give up.

But we need to actively look for it ourselves, not just through our mutuals. We also need to think about reblogging more. Liking is great but doesn’t quite cut it for the characters we want to see more of. It’s not how Tumblr works.

And if you create, it’s also good to keep in mind that some people will occasionally say they like or even love those characters, but they factually don’t love them enough to follow their tags. There’s nothing wrong with that per se, but the pipeline maintains itself fairly effortlessly while left field stuff is definitely more and harder individual work. And I get that it can feel tiring at times (ask me how I know).

But long story short: Please don’t let it discourage you so it turns into a vicious cycle. Keep on checking the tags, because there are people who create for them. Don’t just like but also reblog. Keep on tagging your stuff so people who love other characters than the main two or three, and those who ship rare pairs, can find you. (Remember that only the first five tags show up in tracked tags and only the first 20 will show up in searches, and that reblogs show up in neither.) It’s hard to cut through the popular tags, but it becomes even harder if fewer and fewer people are trying.

Plus: If you check the character tags outright, you don’t have to wade through everything else. The Sandman doesn’t just consist of its main tag.

And because it’s actually quite funny, I’ll just let the shipping tags speak for themselves (I just picked a few of the most “popular” ones in their different iterations, because if the stats for more popular ships already look like this, we don’t even need to think about rare pairs):

Corintheus: <1k

Morphienne: <1k

Morphanna/ConstantDream: <1k

Dreamuse: <1k

DreamingStar: <1K

Hellmuse: <1k

Gaultienne: <1k

Dreamling:

Even compared to individual character tags, the only one outshining Dreamling is the good old Dream Lord himself. Plus the main Sandman tag (but only #the sandman, because #sandman comes in at a comparably paltry 9.9k). Any questions left as to why most people are here? 😉But again: There are others. Follow and check the tags.

[fintan-pyren]

HELLO LOVE! ITS ME ITS KIMBER (used to be bianavacker-is-bi-as-hell) OML it’s been such a long time since i’ve been active in this fandom i haven’t read stellarlune or unraveled and ive been scrolling through the kotlc tag today and??? i missed a LOT y’all 😭😭😭 the gays were acknowledged??? sophie hasn’t been born yet??? keefe has taylor swift merch???

(i am. truly deeply deeply sorry if i overwhelmed you with this ask 😭💀 it’s so nice to see u on my dash again <3)

Oh wow, it's been a while! Great to see you.

You should read the newest books. I've been bitching about certain aspects of Unraveled, but they're both really good books. Gay people and Swiftie Keefe, as you've seen, plus some interesting views on the human world from Keefe.

Stellarlune is particularly good. Lot of new plot-related information revealed, and some fun things too (Fintan canonically loves gardening, and Bronte's hair is curly).

There's also a new (relatively speaking) short story from Marella's POV that I suspect you might like.

[gumnut-logic]

Sweetapple Slices - Slice 2

Sweetapple | Dear Mr Tracy | Along the way | Slice 1 | Slice 2

@idontknowreallywhy asked a question and I tried to answer it, but Alex and Virgil refused to behave, so we have a fic, but no answers. Also, fic is sugary sweet goop.

Oh, and it should be noted that all these Slices are standalone fics within the universe - consider them slices of life with these two :D

Many thanks to @onereyofstarlight for the read through. Again, I might need to offer her that dental plan. Also to @idontknowreallywhy for egging me on.

I hope you enjoy this romantic sugar fest.

-o-o-o-

“You know, isn’t all this stuff secret?” Alex gestured around him.

Virgil shrugged and tilted his head. “You looking to sell it to anyone?”

Alex’s eyes widened. “God, no! I wouldn’t-“

The rescue operative grabbed him by both arms. “Hey, I’m kidding. We know you wouldn’t do such a thing.”

Alex froze. “We?”

Those gorgeous biceps relaxed just a little. “You don’t think we let just anyone onto our Island, do you?” And he arched a lovely eyebrow.

“You have such beautiful eyebrows.”

Both suddenly shot up.

Oh, did he say that out loud?

Eh, blame it on the concussion…from a few days ago now. The Tracy family had shown no sign of needing to kick him, or his mum, off this amazing chunk of rock. Today Virgil was off rota and Thunderbird Two was set for regular maintenance, so he had been asked down here to ‘keep Virgil company’.

So far ‘maintenance’ had consisted of staring up at the great green Thunderbird, staring around her hanger, an extended session of smooching under her tail fin, and now he was sitting on the edge of Thunderbird Two’s co-pilot seat caught between stunned amazement and the percentage chance of another snoggy in the corner.

Any corner. There were at least four in the cockpit. Did that roof hatch open?

Honestly, he had never thought this would be his state of mind when he finally got to see all of this up close.

Of course, it wasn’t the first time he had been aboard Thunderbird Two. But last time had been sudden and unexpected and his brain had been fretting over so many things.

Now he was so happy he was likely to blow a blood vessel or something.

“Yours aren’t bad either.”

What? He scrolled the conversation back a little. Oh, eyebrows. Huh. “Never thought about them much. Yours, however, definitely require thorough consideration.” He reached up a hand, and hesitating for permission, brushed a finger the length of Virgil’s left eyebrow.

Chocolate eyes eyed him from beneath. “This is new.”

Be daring. “All of this is new.” He withdrew his hand.

“You have a point.” As if in revenge, Virgil reached up and brushed a tangle of Alex’s messy blond hair behind an ear. “I can definitely get used to it.”

He also had the most beautiful smile.

Okay, he had to stop this line of thought before he grabbed Virgil and really embarrassed himself.

“Um, yeah.” He gestured vaguely around the cockpit. “How long have you been flying Thunderbird Two?”

Virgil sat back a little and let go of Alex. “Nine years as her primary pilot. Took over from my Uncle in ‘55. Though there has been some downtime during that time.”

“And you keep her maintained?”

“Me and Brains.”

“Who’s Brains?”

Virgil’s lips twisted. “You haven’t met him yet.”

Oh.

“Don’t worry.” Virgil reached across the dash and flipped a few switches. “He tends to keep to himself. I’ll drag him out of his lab later.” His finger retreated to his jawline. “I think you’ll like him.”

“I will?”

“You’ll see.”

Okay, be mysterious.

“Would you like some coffee?”

Alex stared at him. “You’re really asking that question? Even after how many times I’ve managed to steal coffee off of you.”

Virgil smirked as he stood up. “It was really only once and you were very amusing.”

“Amusing!”

Virgil was laughing as he strode over to a corner of the cockpit, hit some buttons, and revealed the holy grail of all coffee.

Alex couldn’t help but stand up and be drawn to it. Virgil had given him the plans to this creation from heaven, but between Siliwrap and Virgil’s visits, he hadn’t managed to find time to finish putting it together yet.

Besides there was something about the coffee being handed to him by a visiting handsome rescue operative that was its own kind of addictive.

And Virgil always brought plenty.

His drug dealer of choice, apparently.

“Hey, you still with me?” A hand was on his arm and Alex realised he had been standing, staring at the holy grail like a stunned mullet just a little too long.

Virgil had that worried medical frown on his face again.

He had done that a lot over the last couple days.

The man had enough bruises on his arms and legs to pop Alex’s eyes out of their sockets - something about a roof almost falling on him during the Gisborne rescue. Yet Virgil brushed it off as a day-to-day thing.

He was ‘fine’, don’t you ‘worry’, happens ‘all the time’.

But the scattering of bruises Alex possessed, the headache that popped up every now and again, and any slight croakiness of his voice and Virgil was all over him with that yellow scanner thing.

Speaking of which…

Alex grabbed Virgil’s wrist gently as he attempted to wave a randomly appearing scanner over Alex’s head. “I’m okay, Virgil.”

The wrist in his hand relaxed and the yellow light switched off. A gentle tug and Alex let Virgil’s wrist go and the man turned away, stashing the gadget back into wherever it came from.

It was very obvious that Alex had scared him by being caught in the earthquake.

Alex took that extra step closer, slipped up behind, and slid his arms around the man’s chest, resting his chin on Virgil’s shoulder. “I’m okay.”

Heavy lifting arms wrapped around his. “I know.”

“You do realise you have brought me into the presence of the machine that makes your glorious coffee. I mean, I should be kneeling on the floor, bowing in reverence.” A smile. “Give me something to hold so I can drop it in amazement.”

Virgil chuckled. “I doubt you could pick me up.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Virgil twisted himself around in Alex’s arms until they were facing each other. “I could say that you already have, but that pun line is groan-worthy.”

Alex did groan, but then Virgil’s lips found his and he was suddenly very much distracted.

Yes, this corner would do nicely.

-o-o-o-

[slveshii]

A Whiff Of His Scent

You and Jeremy Fragrance meet for the first time and the unexpected happens…

Warnings:

sexual content and discussion, kinda weird

During your sleepover at your friend’s house, the two of you were scrolling through TikTok as the night was winding down before bed.

“Y/n how are you still scrolling? You’ve been on TikTok for 3 hours while I’ve been looks maxing in the kitchen” Your friend said, looking at you in disbelief.

“Well Gertrude,” you said playfully with attitude, “I have a date tomorrow with a man I saw on my fyp and I’ve been looking through his page”

Gertrude looks at your screen, “Is that THE Jeremy Fragrance? The number one fragrance icon that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ?”

“Yeah I emailed him and we emailed back and forth a bit, I got his Snapchat but haven’t checked to see if I got any messages from him”

You check your snapchat and notice he sent you a video snap.

“Well are you gonna open it y/n?” You look at Gertrude and proceed to press on the snap.

In the video, he appeared to be shirtless as he proceeds to say, “Hello y/n! looking at your picture i got a huge boner right now and i wanted to know if you are a virgin if not that is okay but yeah if you could send another video that would be great” You and Gertrude looked at each other in shock but yet, you sent him a video telling him goodnight and that you couldn’t wait for the date the next day and that you are indeed a virgin.

The following morning, you woke up to a good morning from Jeremy.

“Hello I am very excited for our date tonight, I am still erect and can’t wait to see you” he texted, and you replied with “Me too Jer Bear!”

Finally at 6 p.m. you arrive at his house, the two of you decided to have a movie night at his house. You knock on the door and are greeted with a strapping and dashing german man in a white suit with the dress shirt slightly unbuttoned. “Hello y/n” he said as you noticed he was erect, but you couldn’t help but ignore it, his scent was so beautiful you couldn’t get enough.

You walked in and noticed a trail of rose pedal leading to a lavish collection of fragrances. You had come over to

enjoy a movie together, but he clearly had other plans.

“Jer Bear, what is all this” you say contused,

“I thought instead of wasting our time on a movie, you could help me make videos showing off my fragrances, is this okay for you y/n?”

Your smile grew as you had always dreamed of helping Jeremy Fragrance with his fragrances and to be romantically involved. You grabbed your phone and your favorite scent, chose despacito as your tiktok audio and boom you were filming. Cologne everywhere, Jeremy dancing, it was a dream. Your fantasy came true. You knew he was the one for you.

“Y/n, you are under 32, a virgin, Christian, and you appreciate my fragrances,” Jeremy said while holding your hands, soaked in fragrances, and looking you deep in your eyes, “I want you to be mine forever” Jeremy then gets down on one knee and pulls out the most beautiful ring you have ever seen.

“Yes my Jer Bear, anything for you” you said jumping exciting and frantically putting on the ring.

You two romantically kissed, despacito playing, and the scents you used earlier prominent in the air. It was love at first sight all that was needed is a single date to ignite the spark.

Wedding part 2?

[marthamaewhovier]

Seven-ish Sentence Sunday

I’ll start things off (and by start things off I mean I scrolled the dash for a solid minute and didn’t see any/haven’t yet been tagged) with a new bit of vampire Eddie. I originally planned for the next story to pick up a couple weeks after the first one, but the next morning was itching at me too much, so this is actually going to be a chapter two for take my hand, I’ll lead you through. It also isn’t seven sentences

Buck wakes to the soft warmth of morning sunlight caressing his skin.

He comes back to wakefulness slowly, the kind of waking up that could easily turn into another hour of good sleep if he lets himself sink back into it.

Something tickles a corner of his mind. He should wake up. It’s important he wakes up right now. But why?

Because Eddie’s home. Eddie is—

His eyes fly open.

Eddie is lying next to him in bed, flat on his back. The covers have been pushed down and his shirt has ridden up, and there’s a solid three or four inches of stomach exposed. The sunlight pours through the window and bathes him in a golden glow, kissing his skin and leaving him pristine on the sheets, not a hint of burning or even discomfort. Eddie sleeps on, his face relaxed and peaceful.

Tags @gayhoediaz (give us angst!!!) @rewritetheending @transboybuckley @megsvstheworld @fiona-fififi @panbuckley @transbuck @useramor @911onabc @colonoscopys @sibylsleaves

[shinypokemonshowdown]

I genuinely think it’s so fun whenever I check Tumblr and see you on my dash and I can be like “Oh!!!! Let me go and scroll through the backlog of what I haven’t voted for yet” like it’s such a nice few minute break I love it 😭

:D thank you! Glad it's entertaining ^^

[hangon-silvergirl]

Hiiiiiiii…….

I rarely engage on Tumblr and minimally engage on AO3, but I’ve been thinking about you as I scroll through my dash.

How are you feeling? How is life? I remember that you were feeling pretty stressed out at the beginning of the year. You haven’t written in awhile, and while I miss your amazing stories and writing, I wanted to know if things have settled for you yet. *hugs*

Well thank you, that's very kind!

Honestly, it's been a pretty miserable year in a lot of ways, and that was largely due to work stress. I had an untenable workload and inadequate support, and I was caving in on myself for a while there. I nearly went on leave, and I did go to the hospital at one point.

Which was straight-up bonkers.

So... I quit! 😊

And I just started a new job! This week 😄

That whole smoz has certainly impacted my want/ability to write. I've written some original fiction, and bits of fanfic here and there, but I haven't been in a headspace to give much to it in addition to those stressors, plus family life.

I've also, honestly, been having fandom fatigue, which is pretty standard when hyperfixations start to wane. I still love Hellcheer, and the community, but I haven't had the capacity for much beyond making my dumb memes for the last however long.

All that said, thank you so much for reaching out, being so lovely and thoughtful, and for saying such kind things about my writing. It means a lot, and I really, really appreciate it! 💕

I won't make any promises for posting fic, because I honestly don't know if/when I'll finish something. I am my own worst enemy, often.

But if/when I do finish something, what I will promise is that I'll post it for anyone who might be interested in reading it.

[swiftletinthecloud]

I haven’t finished My Journey to You yet, but all episodes have already dropped so I’m terrified to scroll through my dash or look at drama related blogs I follow in case they have any posts from episodes I haven’t watch 😭 I’m scrolling like this 🫣 the entire time. 😆

[cherubispunk]

a little update for you all from Lu,

so, I’ve had the ultimate showstopper of a week. I’m talking the whole shebang. Somehow my sister and my grandma ended up in hospital for different reasons??? 😃 aha…what? And I’ve been dealing with that on top of a load of work recently coming in and recovering from a virus (thankfully not the new strain of covid). So I haven’t been active aside from the odd scroll through my dash. I haven’t even been reading fic yet a lone writing it because I just don’t have the time right now. Which is so sad because fic is my best escape. I’m literally cream crackered when will the horrors end? 😭 😂

BUT— that being said, I am okay. I’m in a Better place compared to Monday when it all went down. Just gotta get back up and running. My work and family are my main priority at the moment. So my wips will have to wait. And for those who sent love into my inbox, I will get to replying as soon as I can. I love you all. Stay safe please xxxxx

[beautyofattolia]

Jake and Lo’ak (Avatar: The Way of Water)

Warning: this post contains spoilers for Avatar: The Way of Water! Do not read if you haven’t seen the movie yet, are planning on watching it, and you want to go into it blind. I will be discussing a LOT of things that go on in it.

This post is going to be a discussion/exploration of both Jake and Lo’ak as characters with a deep dive into their relationship. I loved a lot of the character development that went on in this movie and wanted to pick apart Jake’s arc in particular. I also thought the relationship between him and Lo’ak was one of the most interesting and well-developed ones in the movie and wanted to not only examine it closer but also make some predictions about where it’s going to end up in future movies.

Just to warn you now, this is going to be a LONG post (I have SO MANY THOUGHTS Y’ALL), so I’m including a “read more” tab. I don’t want to see this entire monster on my dash every time I look through my tags and I especially don’t want people who have no interest in this topic to have to deal with my ramblings while casually scrolling.

For those of you who want to come explore with me though…let’s dive in.

(I am so sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Introduction

I do want to start by saying that I have seen the movie twice. This analysis/exploration came to mind after the first time I saw it, but I wanted to watch it again with this idea in mind to double-check myself. I wanted to make sure I accurately remembered all the scenes I’m going to be discussing in this post. I’m not perfect and I’m sure there are things I have still managed to misremember or misquote, so please feel free to let me know if I’ve made any mistakes!

Honestly, I would love to see the movie two more times, AT LEAST, but I have no idea when that is going to happen and I wanted to get this done sooner rather than later.

There are also a few things I want to make very clear before I start. First, I absolutely adore both Jake and Lo’ak, so if you don’t and you’re looking to read something that completely bashes either one or both of them…this is not the post for you. Second, this post’s goal is not to convince you that you SHOULD love them or that how you feel about them or their relationship is wrong if you don’t agree with me. It’s not! Your feelings and opinions are completely valid, whether you like them as characters and their relationship with each other or not.

This post is simply a deeper exploration into why I think these characters behave the way they do in this movie and why I believe their relationship is the way that it is. I have seen people claim things like “Jake doesn’t love his kids” or “Jake doesn’t love his sons” or “Jake doesn’t love Lo’ak” and I, personally, think all of these statements are false based on what the movie presents to us as viewers and this post is an explanation of why I believe that.

All that to say, if none of this is up your alley, please stop reading now. I’m not here to hate on anyone’s feelings or thoughts or opinions. I’m only here to share my own, explain why I think the way that I do, and break down and explore two characters I love and the relationship they share (which I also love), in a movie that I adore. I deeply enjoy engaging with and analyzing media that I love. I can’t make fanart and fanfiction is very hit or miss for me (when I’m writing, I love reading it), so this is kind of the only way I have of showcasing my love for a fandom and series that has held my heart captive since I was fourteen.

“Jake Doesn’t Love His Kids”

I think this claim kind of goes hand in hand with the “Jake is a military dad” claim. While I do think Jake does have military dad moments in the Way of Water, I would hesitate to consider him 100% a military dad. Mostly because there is clearly a huge difference between him as a dad before the humans return and him as a dad after the humans return. I will be the first to admit that we don’t have a lot of footage from those first fourteen years, but from what we do see, it is clear there is a difference between pre-humans Jake and post-humans Jake.

Now, I consider pre-humans Jake to be who Jake really is as a dad. He’s much softer, much warmer, and overflows with love for his family. Every single moment of that sequence shows that. The look of awe when Kiri grabs his finger, how patient he is while teaching Neteyam how to fish, the way he holds Lo’ak against him when he and Neytiri tell the story of how they met, how he measures his kids’ heights on a pole in their home, even the way he breaks up the fight between Lo’ak and Kiri. It’s all consistent behavior that shows this is who Jake is as a dad naturally, without the world falling apart around him: soft, warm, loving, gentle, patient.

Then the humans come back.

Sometimes, when reading what people say about Jake as a dad, it feels like they don’t understand why there’s a change between pre-humans and post-humans. Why after a year of war, there’s a difference in how Jake parents his children, and how he behaves as a dad. Why he has become harder, someone who falls into moments of the military dad mentality.

And I don’t think the movie could be any clearer about why this happens.

They are now in the middle of a war and Jake is scared out of his mind.

Fear changes you as a person. You are not your best when you are scared, instead, you often become a version of yourself that you do not recognize and do not like. And the truth is that Jake is terrified out of his mind after the humans return. In order to cope with the fear he is now feeling, he falls back on the marine mindset because he thinks that is what is going to protect the people he loves.

Remember, that’s his whole thing. “A father protects his family. That’s his one job.” That statement is literally Jake’s core belief about what it means to be a parent and what his responsibilities are to his kids.

Now, I’ve seen this statement criticized for being sexist. Like, “oh fathers protect, but what do mothers do? Stay home and twiddle their thumbs?” and I think this misses the point entirely. Jake is not saying that at all. He does not think Neytiri is weak or somehow lacking in her ability to protect their kids because she is their mother. I mean he literally goes to her at the end and is like “I need you. I cannot rescue our children alone.” He needs her because they are mates and partners and these children are THEIR children and she is the most badass badass to ever be badass on Pandora and probably in the universe. And Jake knows that! He loves that! The man looks at his mate slaughtering people and is like “oh my God babe YES!” His statement is not that fathers are the only ones who protect. He states that it’s the parents’ job to protect their children, but he is making it personal for himself. His role in this family is the father. He refers to himself because he is making himself focus on his failings as a parent. He’s basically saying to himself “your one job as their father is to protect them and you are failing it.” He is judging himself, saying he himself has fallen short and failed, not saying that mothers can’t or shouldn’t be focused on their children’s protection.

This mentality, that a parent’s one job is to protect their kids, is why he is terrified when the humans return. Or at least one of the reasons. I think Jake is a really complex character with a lot of baggage and while not all of it is explored in the Way of Water, I think most of it is and the rest is at least hinted at. The movie focuses on his fear of the humans hurting his family, but there are other reasons why Jake is scared too.

When you think about it, Neytiri and the kids are the only family Jake has left. They are all Jake has. He has no one else. Tom is dead and while we don’t know much about their parents, we know they aren’t in the picture for one reason or another because Jake doesn’t consider them at all when he leaves. The life he has built with the Na’vi is the only life that he has. They are his whole world: his family, his friends, and his people. And the humans have the power to take that away, to hurt the people he cares about more than anything else in the world. I can’t help but think back to the first movie, in the extended version (the BEST version), where Jake says “all I’ve ever wanted was a cause worth fighting for.” And guess what? His family and the Na’vi people are now his cause!

So we have his fear of losing his family driving him, but I think we also have his fear of letting down the Omatikaya people as well. I think Jake deals a lot with guilt and I think part of his desire to fight the humans comes from feeling like he still has to make up for what he did in the first movie. Like he 100% loves them, but I do think he is still trying to prove that he belongs, that he is sorry for what he did, and that he is on their side. Jake is afraid of losing his place with the Na’vi, of not only losing the people he loves, but the life he loves too. The community he loves. The world he loves.

He is full of fear and the humans returning brings all of that fear right to the forefront of his mind. And as a result, he lets that fear take over and whenever you let fear take over, you become a lesser version of yourself. And Jake’s lesser version of himself, the one ruled by fear, is harder, colder, and not the kind of dad his kids needs or that he wants to be.

I want to make it very clear that the movie does not present this behavior as healthy or right. In fact, the movie makes it clear that Jake is making mistakes in how he handles his children, specifically Lo’ak (we’ll talk about that specifically in a bit). Neytiri herself is the voice of reason for Jake when she tells him “you are too hard on them” and “this is not a squad, it is a family.” I think this again provides a little more evidence that this is not how Jake was as a dad before. If Neytiri is troubled by his behavior now, there is no way she would have let Jake parent their children like this for fourteen years. Neytiri is not afraid of speaking her mind, especially not with Jake. She would never sit back and let something she disagrees with happen, especially not for YEARS. I do think in this instance, she understands why Jake is acting the way he is (they are bonded after all), which is why she reminds him throughout the movie of how he should be behaving gently and not flying off the handle at him. 

Back to the “family, not a squad” scene though, Jake answers he was afraid they had lost Neteyam and Lo’ak, and again that shows how scared he is of losing the children he loves. It highlights Jake’s fear. The movie is saying “Jake is making a mistake but this is why he is making the mistake.” That’s Jake’s whole arc throughout this movie! Him making mistakes with his kids and then realizing he was wrong the whole time. The movie makes that very clear! So I do get a bit frustrated when people criticize the movie for having Jake be a military dad when the movie very clearly shows that lots of Jake’s parenting choices are wrong.

But just because he makes mistakes doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his children. In fact, the reason why he makes those mistakes is because he loves his kids so freaking much that he is consumed with the fear of losing them and that fear turns him into a person who is so bent on protecting them that he pulls away from them emotionally and becomes someone harder and colder than he was before.

I also want to take a second and mention how much I appreciate that Jake is never physically hard on his kids. I think one of the stereotypes of the military dad persona is corporal punishment and that is honestly never a thing for Jake, which is a huge relief to me. Obviously, he is much more physically affectionate in the pre-humans era, but even in the post-humans era, he is still physically gentle and warm with his kids. He holds Tuk when she asks for it, he is physically supportive of Kiri when she tells him how she feels, he hugs Neteyam and Lo’ak when he saves the two from Quaritch at the beginning, he cups Lo’ak’s cheek at the end, he hugs both Lo’ak and Spider after the battle. Even when he is angry with Lo’ak and grabs him to pull him away from Tonowari and Ronal, he is still gentle. His touch is never shown to be aggressive or painful or a punishment. His kids never flinch away from him. Even when Jake is upset with them and leaning into the scared military dad persona or the angry commanding officer persona, his kids do not fear his touch. And I think that is so important because it shows how much he loves them, how much they love him, and how Jake really is a warm, gentle dad who is just scared out of his mind and desperately trying to protect his kids. The movie shows him making a lot of mistakes in this movie, but the way he is physically there for his kids is not one of them.

I think the movie does an incredible job at comparing and contrasting the dad Jake really is (pre-humans) and wants to be with the dad Jake becomes when he lets fear consume his life (post-humans). He isn’t a military dad because he doesn’t love his children, he loves his children so much that he thinks becoming a military dad is the only way to save them. And the movie straight up says “no Jake, that’s wrong and here’s why.” Parents are people who make mistakes and who have to grow and change to be better people and better parents. Loving your children doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes, but it does mean that you need to constantly be aware of how your choices are affecting your children and make changes when needed. And I think Jake’s entire arc throughout this movie is him realizing he is wrong and then making that change at the end of the movie to be better.

“Jake Doesn’t Love His Sons”

A lot of people have been commenting on the fact that there is a difference between how Jake treats his daughters, Kiri and Tuk, and how he treats his sons, Neteyam and Lo’ak. Specifically, they claim that Jake loves his daughters more than he loves his sons. Again, I do think this is proven wrong by the movie. Now, I will say, there is definitely a difference in the post-human treatment of the girls vs. the boys, but I don’t think it has anything to do with how much Jake loves them. I don’t even think it has anything to do with their gender!

I think it’s the direct result of Jake being Olo'eyktan and the one leading the Omatikaya into battle since Neteyam and Lo’ak are both young warriors. After all, Jake has no pattern of treating women differently than men throughout the movies. He doesn’t look down on Neytiri in the first movie because she is a woman. In fact, he is totally okay with her being his teacher and while they do fall in love (something that probably wouldn’t have happened if it had been like Tsu’tey teaching him instead), there is no point in which he views Neytiri less of a warrior because she is a woman. Jake also doesn’t respect Grace any less as a scientist than Norm or Max and he doesn’t think Trudy is any less of a marine than Quaritch or the other male marines. Jake even shows the same level of respect to Ronal as he does to Tonowari, similar to how he shows the same level of respect to Mo’at as he does to Eytukan in the first movie. Jake is not sexist. He has never had a problem with women in positions of power or authority. He does not treat women any differently than he treats men in any situation.

So no, I don’t think the reason why he treats his sons differently than his daughters has anything to do with sexism or even toxic masculinity, another thing I see people mentioning and which Jake has no history of ever displaying. I think the reason why he treats them differently is because his sons have roles that require him to approach them not as their dad, but as their commanding officer. The girls do not. THAT is where the difference lies.

Being a warrior/hunter is an important part of being part of the Omatikaya clan and Neteyam and Lo’ak are the only two children who fall into that category. Kiri does not, even though she is old enough. Much like Mo’at, who also doesn’t seem to be a warrior/hunter and instead seems to be more focused on healing (although being a Tsahìk doesn’t seem to mean you aren’t a warrior since both Ronal and Neytiri are, but throughout both movies we never see Mo’at assume a warrior role), Kiri seems to be more of a healer. A spiritual leader. There is never a moment where she appears to have any interest in being a warrior/hunter the way Neteyam and Lo’ak do. I do not believe she has gone through that process the way the boys have. She doesn’t even have a weapon at any point during the movie even though the boys have both bows and knives and even Tuk has a knife at the end. Tuk obviously isn’t a warrior/hunter either as she is still too young. That may be in her future, but at the moment it is not.

But Neteyam and Lo’ak are. Or at least becoming? Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but it looks like maybe they both have completed their Iknimaya since they both appear to have their own ikran. I’m a bit iffy on that since there is no real confirmation either way, but the evidence does seem to lean toward the fact that at the VERY LEAST, they are warriors/hunters in training close to becoming full-fledged warriors/hunters. Regardless of official status, it is clear that they both are given some responsibilities when it comes to fighting alongside the older warriors. And as Olo'eyktan, Jake is their commander. He is the one who leads the warriors into battle and I think this is what causes him to treat the boys differently.

He is no longer just their father, he is also their commanding officer, and I think he struggles to find the line between the two. He tends to lean more into the commanding officer side, ESPECIALLY when it comes to chastising them for disobeying his requests as their father and his orders as their commanding officer. And again, I think the movie shows that this is a mistake on Jake’s part. He should be more focused on being their father than their commanding officer. I think in his desire to protect them from the horrors of war that they are very much involved in as members of the clan, he is falling back into treating them how he was treated as a marine to try and prepare them. Train them. Give them, in his mind, their best chance of survival. Again, I think it’s important to remember Jake’s background and that the only knowledge he has of how to be a commanding officer is the ones he had as a marine. That’s his entire fighting background! That’s what he knows and understands and can pass on to his sons. So that’s what he gives them.

I still don’t think he ever goes all the way there. I think about how he ALWAYS checks with Neteyam and Lo’ak to make sure they’re okay before anything else every time something happens to them. That’s the dad part of him coming out, making itself known and fighting against the commanding officer side that comes out when he is upset with the boys when they make mistakes. This is also where I think the “sir” comes from. You never hear the kids refer to Jake as “sir” in the pre-humans era and you don’t hear the girls use it at all. But the boys do. And the boys only do it when Jake is in commanding officer mode, giving them orders or chastising them for disobeying. For the majority of the movie, they refer to him as “dad.” It is only in those specific situations that “sir” comes out. I think the movie again leans into this being a mistake on Jake’s part, a way that he has failed the boys in the post-human era by disciplining them not as a father, but as a commanding officer.

One interesting note about the “sir” thing though, Ao’nung and the boys also use it in reference to Tonowari as well. This makes me wonder if it is the English translation of a word in Na’vi that is being used to show deference to the Olo'eyktan. I don’t know enough about the language to say for sure either way and I think my point above still stands either way as it is still Jake being more of a leader to his sons than a father, but I think it’s an interesting detail. One I would love to have some other thoughts on!

The main point is that Jake loves his boys as much as he loves his girls, but because his boys are warriors/hunters there is definitely this line he has trouble treading between being their father and being their commanding officer in a way he doesn’t have to worry about with the girls. He doesn’t have to balance two roles with them, they are simply his children while Neteyam and Lo’ak are older and have more responsibilities. They are warriors/hunters fighting alongside the other clan members whether Jake likes it or not because that is their right and duty as members of the Omaticaya. And so Jake struggles, losing sight of who he needs to be with them because he has to take on this extra role to keep both them and the other fights under his command safe. Because this is the only way he knows how to fight and he is scared that if he doesn’t prepare them, they are not going to survive. It is not an easy line to tread and while it does not excuse Jake, I think it makes it easy to understand why he is the way he is with Neteyam and Lo’ak vs. Kiri and Tuk.

“Jake Doesn’t Love Lo’ak”

And now we get into the main part of this post, which is insane considering how long it took to get here. I’m sorry. Except, you know, I’m really not. I had fun discussing the rest of it! And I am freaking excited to discuss this part too. This is the relationship that made me want to write this post, the relationship that I personally think is one of the most important ones in the entire movie.

The relationship between Jake and Lo’ak.

Now, I do want to first mention that how well you get along with someone is not always an indicator of how much you love them. Or more like, you can love a group of people equally but get along with each of them differently. For example, I have two sisters and I love them both equally, but I get along with my youngest sister better than my middle sister. My middle sister and I have personalities that clash more often so we fight more than I do with my youngest sister. But I would still die for either of them. And that’s the thing, you can love someone and still not always get along with them. That’s just part of being a person.

And I think that applies to parents and children as well. Parents can love all of their children equally, but that doesn’t mean they are going to get along with them all equally. There are going to be some that they clash with more often than others simply because every personality is going to be different and relate to each other in different ways.

And that’s the reason why Jake gets along differently with Neteyam than he does with Lo’ak. It has nothing to do with how much he loves them, it simply has to do with the fact that Jake and Lo’ak’s personalities are way too similar and they clash way more frequently as a result of that. That’s the heart of why Jake and Lo’ak have the kind of relationship they do: Lo’ak reminds Jake of himself in a way that none of the other kids do. And to a man who is already scared out of his mind for and about his children, seeing himself in Lo’ak scares him even more. 

They do such a great job throughout the movie showing the similarities between Jake and Lo’ak. There are so many scenes that draw a direct parallel between them, emphasizing their similarities. From the scenes played back-to-back in this movie showing Jake and Lo’ak trying (and failing) to ride the water creatures in the same determined (and cocky) way, to Lo’ak being attacked in the water in a way that parallels Jake being attacked by the thanator in the first movie. Then there are the little bits like Lo’ak flipping off Quaritch and the little speech he gives before decking Ao'nung that are so very much things Jake would have done himself. Even the parallels between Lo’ak bonding with Payakan as an outsider and Jake bonding with Turok also as an outsider to the way Lo’ak falls for his teacher, Tsireya, in a similar way Jake fell for Neytiri. The movie is purposefully and repeatedly showing us how similar Lo’ak is to his father.

They are both impulsive, headstrong, and quick to anger. And Jake sees all that, sees all the negative traits because at this point in his life, with all of his guilt and fear swirling around inside of him, that’s all he can see in himself as well. He has trouble seeing the good in himself, the strength of character, the desire to protect those he loves, and a heart open and willing to fully give for those he loves. All of which Lo’ak has as well, but because Jake fails to see the positive traits he himself has, he has trouble seeing the positive traits Lo’ak has, and therefore Lo’ak struggles to see the good in himself as well.

And I don’t say this as some kind of “Lo’ak is exactly like Jake” or something, because he’s not, but the movie does a lot to show how they are similar and how those similarities are the driving force behind why their relationship is the way it is.

I say all of this to explain why there is more tension between Jake and Lo’ak than between Jake and Neteyam. Lo’ak scares Jake more than any of his other kids because he sees in Lo’ak the same things he has in himself, things that led to him hurting others and, ultimately, himself. And I think Jake is terrified that Lo’ak is going to make the same mistakes he did and so he is harder and stricter with Lo’ak as a result. Again, I don’t think it has anything to do with how much he loves him. If anything, Jake loves Lo’ak so much that he’s determined to protect Lo’ak from his own faults and to prevent his son from following in his footsteps, and doesn’t see how that is hurting Lo’ak.

It’s so interesting to me that Jake tries to use the same tactics on Lo’ak that were used on him in the first movie which directly led to him rebelling against them even harder. And I know some people are going to be like “isn’t that stupid? Shouldn’t Jake KNOW those things won’t work on Lo’ak because they didn’t work on him?” And that’s what makes it so fascinating because it emphasizes the thing I think to be very true of all people: we are never more blind than when it comes to ourselves. Jake doesn’t know how to deal with Lo’ak in the way Lo’ak needs because he has no idea how to deal with himself. Because all he can see are his mistakes, his failures, and the way he has hurt people, and as he looks at his son whom he loves, all he can see are those things being repeated, and that terrifies him. And that fear once again, as is the continuing arc for Jake in this movie, overwhelms him and blinds him to what he needs to do.

Jake gets along better with Neteyam not because he loves Neteyam more, but because Neteyam’s personality is much calmer and steadier and because of that, Jake trusts him in a way that he can’t trust Lo’ak because he cannot trust himself. He’s still scared for Neteyam, but not because he’s scared Neteyam is going to do something stupid. He trusts Neteyam to think things through and be logical in a way he doesn’t trust Lo’ak to be because he himself isn’t logical. And I know that’s not fair, it’s not supposed to be fair. But here’s the thing: relationships aren’t always fair. We are constantly bringing our baggage and insecurities and personal failings into our relationships and even though it is so important to try to be fair and not let those things affect us, the truth is we are all people and we are all going to make mistakes. And this is one of Jake’s. One that the movie very clearly points out. It is not necessarily fair that Jake trusts Neteyam more than he trusts Lo’ak, but he does. And I think that lack of trust is what drives Lo’ak to act out and then results in Jake trusting him even less. It’s a cycle built on them seeing themselves in each other and failing to realize how to deal with it.

Now, bear with me for just a moment because I’m going to go a bit off-script and discuss a headcanon of mine. None of this is canon and while I think there is evidence for it, there is no proof or confirmation. My argument works perfectly fine without it, but I do think it is interesting to bring up simply for conversation and thought.

I think that Neteyam reminds Jake of Tom. And I know we have no real evidence of what Tom was like or what his relationship with Jake was like, but I’m sure James Cameron does and while he may not explicitly say it in a movie that is already super filled with information, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sprinkles in hints here and there. And I personally think Tom and Jake had a relationship very similar to the one Neteyam and Lo’ak have. Again, there is no proof of this, but it would make sense thematically from a movie standpoint for this to be the case. Since there is such a heavy emphasis placed on how similar Jake and Lo’ak are, it makes sense to me that Tom would be like Neteyam, the one who attempted to keep a younger Jake under control. Since Jake is twenty-two in the first movie and had been discharged from the Marines for a least a while, he would have had to have enlisted pretty young. My guess is right at eighteen. I also think Tom probably tried to talk him out of it and Jake, being Jake, refused to listen. This would be a direct parallel to how Neteyam tries to keep Lo’ak out of trouble and Lo’ak refuses to listen. This would be another reason why Jake encourages Neteyam to watch out for Lo’ak and tells Lo’ak to listen to his older brother. Another way he tries to keep his younger son from making the same mistakes he did. Again, none of this is canon, but it is a very interesting idea that I personally really like and I think fits really well with the story being told about these characters.

Another reason Lo’ak believes his parents, and especially his father, love Neteyam more than him is because he thinks they see Neteyam as the perfect child. While I don’t think they think of him as the perfect child, I do think they see Neteyam through rose-colored glasses because he is their firstborn child. Canonically, Neteyam was what gave Neytiri hope again after her home was destroyed and her father was killed. I want to dive deeper into Neteyam in a separate post (he deserves his own), but it’s definitely something I want to mention here because it does play into why Lo’ak sees himself as a failure and Neteyam as perfect. He’s not and I don’t think Jake or Neytiri think he is (or love him more) I simply think he is a symbol for both of them of redemption and hope and proof that after something terrible happens, good things can still happen too. Definitely not an easy thing to live with for either Neteyam or Lo’ak, but something that I think is relevant and needs to be discussed when dissecting these relationships. 

Again, this is not fair. But again, relationships aren’t fair. Parents are people too. They are not perfect. They are flawed, they make mistakes, and they stumble. The movie does not glorify this behavior, it simply explains why it is happening and then shows its negative effects.  

I think it’s ironic that Lo’ak talks about feeling like an outsider and tells Tsireya that his dad wouldn’t understand when I believe Jake is the only one who would ever understand. Mostly because I believe Jake still feels like an outsider, still feels like he has to earn his place among the people and that’s another reason why he is so filled with fear and even guilt. From what I’ve seen from the movie, even in the pre-human era, I don’t think Jake talked to his kids much about what it was like to be human. I think Jake is so determined to prove that he has left all that behind that he doesn’t help his kids understand that part of their heritage. And while I personally think that comes from a place of love and a desire to protect them (he doesn’t want them to feel different or like outsiders the way he does), it only serves to confuse Lo’ak who has the most human qualities. He doesn’t understand why he’s different and Jake hasn’t taken the time to teach him how to deal with and embrace those human qualities. Again, I don’t think it’s done purposefully, in fact, I very much believe that Jake thinks he is helping Lo’ak, but this is another way that the movie shows us that while Jake’s heart is 100% in the right place, he still makes a mistake. He still cannot understand how to give Lo’ak what he needs.

Jake struggles with guilt and is constantly trying to prove himself to the people. An example of this is when Neytiri argues with Ronal about how Jake was Toruk Makto and lead the people to war. Jake is clearly embarrassed by this and noticeably winces. He doesn’t like being referred to like that and I believe it’s because he still feels guilty. It would be like someone praising you for building them a new house when you were the one who burned down the original. You didn’t rebuild the house out of the kindness of your heart, you did it to fix the mistake you made. It is penance. And I think Jake views his time as Toruk Makto not as some great thing he did, but as him simply trying to fix his own mistake. Penance. Redemption. Correction. And I think it is so ironic that both Neteyam and Lo’ak are trying to live up to his ideal of the perfect warrior, the great Toruk Makto, that they see in their father and yet it is something that Jake is ashamed of. He doesn’t want his sons to follow in his footsteps, he wants them to be safe. But there is this critical lack of understanding between him as a parent trying to protect his sons and his sons as children trying to be like their father, not realizing that is the last thing he wants for them. It is a standard they can never meet because they are striving for the opposite of what Jake wants for them and it causes friction, especially between Jake and Lo’ak. It is another reason why Lo’ak constantly feels like a failure and Jake is so hard on him. They cannot See each other properly.

Their entire relationship and its push and pull comes to a head when Neteyam dies.

I know there are a lot of people talking about Jake blaming Lo’ak for what happens to Neteyam, especially since Jake tells Lo’ak “you’ve done enough” when telling him to stay behind. I want to make it very clear that I do not think it is ever okay to say that kind of thing to your child. And I 100% believe the movie makes a point of showing how that was totally not okay of Jake to say. But here’s the thing: I don’t think Jake ever for even a moment actually blames Lo’ak. Jake blames himself. He failed to protect his children, his whole family really, and Neteyam dies as a result. To add insult to injury, the only reason Neteyam was on the ship was to save his siblings because they were being held in order to capture Jake. That I think this is driven home when Quaritch literally tells Jake it’s his fault Neteyam is dead AS HE STANDS OVER HIS SON’S BODY! I also can’t help but think about Neteyam saying “I want to go home” right before he dies and how horrible Jake must feel about being the reason why his son was taken away from his home. And what is Neteyam’s last word? “Dad.” I believe Jake wonders about that last word and if it was a plea or an accusation, both of which would be heartbreaking for a father to consider.

Jake blames himself, in so many different ways, for Neteyam. For failing Neteyam. For not protecting Neteyam. For not being the father Neteyam needed. And that blame that he heaps on himself oozes out onto the person he sees himself in: Lo’ak. Again, this does not make this behavior okay. It simply explains why this behavior is happening. 

All of this leads us to one of my favorite scenes in the entirety of the movie: the scene where Lo’ak rescues Jake. I absolutely adore it because I think it’s the climax of everything that these two have been through together and individually.

Before I get into it, I do want to make a note about the beginning of the scene when Jake calls out Neteyam’s name. I’ve seen some people use this as evidence that Jake loves Neteyam more, but I disagree. I think this is the direct result of Jake thinking he is dead and waking up in Ewya with Neteyam. Once Lo’ak tells him who it is, you can see Jake snap back to reality and realize he is still alive and stuck in a sinking ship. And I want to talk about this next bit very carefully. Lo’ak apologizes for Neteyam’s death and even says something along the lines of “I’m so sorry, Dad” and then corrects it to “I’m so sorry, sir.” I believe the “sir” makes an appearance here because he is, in this moment, appealing not to his father, but to his commanding officer who he feels like he failed. You can see his shift from talking to Jake like a son to talking to Jake like a soldier and yes, this scene is heartbreaking and it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to hurt you. It’s supposed to make you recoil a bit. It’s showing you how exactly Lo’ak is feeling and how exactly Jake has failed him as a father in the last year. Lo’ak is not reaching out to Jake as a son who has just lost a brother, but as a soldier who has just lost his fellow soldier. I’ve seen some people say that because Jake doesn’t tell him “it’s not your fault” he still blames Lo’ak. I disagree with this. Jake tells Lo’ak to “focus” and to “not think about the past” not because he still blames him, but because he is going into protective dad mode and is realizing that he is in danger of losing the only son he has left. And Jake is not going to let that happen. His next words are asking if Lo’ak knows the way out, showing that he is thinking about his son’s safety and his life. He doesn’t want Lo’ak to focus on something he cannot fix or change, he wants Lo’ak to focus on getting out and surviving. At this point, Jake isn’t planning on surviving as well, but he has to make sure that his son will. He is refusing to let another one of his children die. You can almost see the thought running through his head that he may have failed to save Neteyam, but he is not going to fail to save Lo’ak.

The next bit where Jake basically tells Lo’ak to leave without him and let him drown is also absolutely heartbreaking. I think Jake has given up at this moment because he thinks he has killed Quaritch and is sacrificing himself to pay for his sins. Again, Jake blames himself for everything that has happened and I think he believes that he deserves to die. For failing Neteyam, for failing his family, for failing the people. For not being enough. I’ve always viewed his taming of Toruk in the first movie as Jake being willing to die to make up for his mistake. The taming of Toruk was dangerous and could have easily gotten him killed but he knew it was the only way to prove to the people that he was on their side 100%. And once again, after putting his life on the line to save his kids, to kill the one hunting them down, he is ready to die to pay for his mistakes. This whole movie has been, on Jake’s side, an exploration of how he has tried and failed to keep everyone safe to the detriment of his relationships with his children, Lo’ak specifically, up to this point.

And then here comes the moment that made me well up and cry (again) in the theater. Lo’ak tells Jake he cannot lose him too. I think this is a purposeful word choice on Lo’ak’s part. He doesn’t say “the family can’t lose you too” or “the people can’t lose you too.” He says “I cannot lose you too.” What a powerful, beautiful moment where Lo’ak is vulnerable with Jake and admits that he, personally, needs his father, especially after losing his older brother. And you can see at that moment Jake SEEING Lo’ak and realizing that while he may have failed Neteyam, he can be and do better for Lo’ak. That is what makes him fight. That is what gets him going again. He decides at that moment to be there and be a better father for Lo’ak.

I know some people are going to be like “but he didn’t say that!” And to that I reply, it’s freaking subtext bro. Not everything has to be spelled out to be true. It’s in the way the characters act, the decisions they make, and the things they say. It’s the way that Jake chooses to fight after Lo’ak says that. The way he listens to Lo’ak as his son teaches him how to breathe. The way he puts his life in his son’s hands and finally does what Lo’ak has been wanting him to do this whole entire movie: trust him. Honestly, it is such a powerful moment of non-verbal storytelling, of Cameron showing us how their relationship is starting to change and evolve and become better. It’s that moment of trust between these two that allows Lo’ak to save Jake and then when Payakun shows up and saves both of them, Jake gets to see his trust in his son pay off. It is confirmation that Payakun is on their side, that he taking care of Lo’ak and the people, and that Lo’ak was right about him the whole time. 

And I’m sorry, but if you didn’t start to cry when Jake cups Lo’ak cheek and tells him “I See you, son” then you may not have a heart. Like, damn, that one really hit me. What an incredible, beautiful parallel to the scene in the first movie when Neytiri saves Jake and they tell each other “I See you.” Absolutely gut-wrenching in the best way. I know some people are going to say “that’s just a catch-all phrase!” And I mean, yeah, it kind of is, but it’s been set up to be that way. It was always used to express heavy emotions that were hard to put into words in the first movie and it is being used in the same way here. It is a moment of apology, of acknowledgment, and of acceptance from Jake to Lo’ak. A moment where Jake finally Sees his son for who he is, that he is more than the parts of himself Jake sees in him. That he is his own person, strong and capable and worthy of trust. Yes, Lo’ak pulls some stupid stuff, but it has always been because he is trying to prove himself to his dad and now Jake Sees him and accepts him and loves him.

I’m getting kind of emotional just thinking about it, holy hell. 

I think this moment is Jake apologizing for how he has treated Lo’ak, acknowledging that Lo’ak has grown and matured and become his own person, and accepting the person Lo’ak has become. Jake is giving his son his love and his trust and his pride. He is so proud of his boy, y’all! You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that there isn’t a stupid amount of pride in Jake for everything Lo’ak manages to do. He was proud of him for beating up Ao’nung, even though he didn’t want Lo’ak to know, and he is proud of him here at this moment. I think this moment is also about Jake realizing that he needs to do better. He needs to be better, for Lo’ak and the other kids. That he may have lost Neteyam, but he still has children left that he needs to be there for. Be better for. That he can no longer let his fear consume him because by letting fear rule his life, he lost one of his children. Not that it’s Jake’s fault really, that 100% rests with Quaritch and the other humans who are trying to slaughter people and take over an entire world, but I definitely think this is what he feels. And gosh that family hug at the end, with Jake holding on to Lo’ak, and then later when he pulls both Spider and Lo’ak close for a hug once again shows how much he loves his kids. All of his kids.

To kind of wrap up this section, I do want to mention the really interesting parallel that’s set up between Spider and Quaritch and Lo’ak and Jake. Spider and Quaritch start the movie on shaky ground and then grow closer throughout the movie. Then the village burning, the Tulkan hunting, and the final confrontation happen and their relationship is put to the test. Spider still chooses to save his dad, but he leaves him afterward, choosing to sever their relationship, at least for the time being. In comparison, Lo’ak and Jake start the post-human era of their relationship off to a shaky start and throughout the movie, it is strained more and more. Then Neteyam dies and their relationship is put to the test. And like Spider, Lo’ak chooses to save his father. But instead of their relationship being severed, Jake chooses to embrace Lo’ak and there is a beautiful moment of healing and acknowledgment that things need to become better. A direct contrast to how Spider and Quaritch’s relationship ends in this movie. 

All this leads to what I think is going to be coming up next, specifically for Jake and Lo’ak. 

The Future Movies

Considering we left with Jake realizing that letting fear rule his life has hurt his family and he can no longer live that way, I think we’re going to see a return to a more pre-human dad Jake. I believe he is going to go back to being softer, warmer, and much less of a military dad. I mean don’t get me wrong, Jake is still going to be fighting the humans and kicking ass, but his entire arc was him realizing how he failed Neteyam as a father and now he will be striving to be better for all his kids. Especially Lo’ak. 

I definitely think we’re going to see them become closer in the next movie. Since the Way of Water focused on the strife in the relationship, I think we’re going to see the next movie focus on the healing in their relationship. The way they complement each other in comparison to the way they clashed in this. Jake has accepted Lo’ak as his own person and while their similarities are still going to cause some tension (because they are people who make mistakes) I definitely think we’re going to see them grow stronger and Jake really take Lo’ak under his wing. I would also love to see Jake help Lo’ak come to terms with his human heritage and what it means to feel different from everyone else. I think it’s possible since this movie focused on how Lo’ak feels like an alien and focusing next on how he isn’t alone in that feeling would be an incredible way to complete his journey to understanding himself. I also really think these two are going to bond over their grief about Neteyam and I would LOVE to see them discussing the guilt each of them carries and work through it together. I know that’s a lot I want to happen and I don’t know how long the next movie is going to be and how much it’s going to have to cover. I am confident about them getting closer and their relationship being a cornerstone of the next movie, but as for how much we see of Jake and Lo’ak discussing being “other” or their guilt is harder to say. I think it would be great though and would fit so well with the story Cameron is telling about these two characters.

I also think we’re going to see more comparisons between Spider and Quaritch and Jake and Lo’ak. I think Jake and Lo’ak are going to be the positive father/son example, not because they’re perfect but simply because they have come to an understanding in the Way of Water and are learning to be better together. I’m not sure if Quaritch is going to get a redemption arc or not (I kind of don’t want him to since the things he has done are pretty unforgivable) but with Spider added to the equation it does give him a reason to try to be better. If he does, then I imagine their relationship will parallel Jake and Lo’ak’s. If not, then I think there will be a really interesting contrast between the two. Especially with how much Quaritch mimics Jake during the Way of Water, which is setting them up as foils to each other for the rest of the series.

But those are just a few thoughts about what I think will happen in regard to these characters in particular. I’m considering doing a theory post that contains all my theories about the future movies, but that would be a separate thing if I end up doing it. I’m just really curious to see where we go from here. I think they are setting up a lot in this movie in regard to these characters and I’m honestly so excited to see it pay off. This is kind of where I think it’s going to go after everything this movie set up, but I am well aware I could end up being dead wrong. Either way though, I am so excited to see what Cameron has in store! Especially since it’s almost all but confirmed that the Way of Water made enough money to greenlight movies four and five.

Woohoo! 

Conclusion 

I love these characters. Like, seriously, Jake and Lo’ak are two of my favorites in this whole series. And I adored their relationship. Not because it was perfect or even good most of the time, but because it was complex and interesting and real. I’m always going to be a sucker for a good romance (Jake and Neytiri literally have my whole entire heart and I’m a big fan of Lo’ak and Tsireya), but I enjoy familial relationships the most. Their complexity fascinates me. The way family members, whether blood or not, choose each other and would die for each other but also sometimes tear each other apart. The way they showcase the idea of legacy and inheritance and how we are shaped by those closest to us. The way they exemplify the idea that we can love people with our whole entire hearts and still hurt them more than anyone else. People always bring their own baggage into their relationships with others, but I think that baggage affects our family members more than anyone else. And I believe that to be especially true between parents and children since our baggage often is what makes us who we are and who we are affects who our children become, for better or worse. The way our parents shape us and the way we shape our parents. The burning, ripping, tearing way we love each other. How there is nothing a parent wouldn’t do for their child and how often children are blind to that. The way that love can also be so healing, so warm, so soft, so gentle. The duality of it. I just…ugh. I wish there were more complicated, real, powerful parent/child relationships in media like this. Ones that aren’t completely negative or completely positive. Ones that are a combination of both because that is so often how actual relationships between parents and children are.

I am so glad this movie had it.  

But listen, I’m not here to tell you that you have to like these characters. I’m not here to tell you that you have to think Jake is a good dad. That is a loaded opinion and everyone is going to have different ideas and beliefs regarding what it means to be a good parent. I personally think a good parent is someone who protects their children at all costs and puts their children’s needs above their own. And I think Jake does that. But the movie clearly shows us that there are problems with how he does it. He makes mistakes. He is flawed. And that ends up hurting all the kids, especially Lo’ak. And Jake’s big character arc is learning that and realizing he has to do better. And choosing to try. To change. 

I know some people are going to be frustrated with the fact that Jake never verbally says the words “I am sorry” or “I will be better.” But I truly do believe that “I See you, son” included an apology. And the decision to be better is subtext from watching him at the end of the movie. Watching him choose to trust Lo’ak. Watching him embrace his son. Watching him grieve and mourn Neteyam. And hearing him talk about how he can’t live in fear anymore. And since that fear was what was pushing him to be harder on his kids, harder on Lo’ak, then deciding to no longer give in to that fear shows him making that first step to being a better father to his kids. I believe Jake thinks he failed Neteyam and he is determined not to fail his kids anymore. The first step of fixing a problem, after all, is admitting you have one that needs to be fixed. Jake will be striving to be better next movie and I firmly believe Lo’ak will be right beside him the entire time. This is a duo I think is going to play an important role in all the movies to come. 

So yeah guys. This is my post exploring my thoughts on these characters and dissecting how they grow and change throughout the movie. Looking at how the movie presents them and how it explains the decisions they make. I’m just here to interact with a film I adore and characters I would die for. And yes, I am here to hit back a bit against the “Jake doesn’t love all his kids equally” rhetoric. Because I do believe it to be false. And this is my insanely long-winded explanation as to why I think that.

I have a few more posts in mind. The one I mentioned about Neteyam and his role in the movie as well as the one I mentioned about all my theories about what is going to happen in the next movie. I also would like to do one about Spider and maybe even one about Kiri. I also think one just going over the parts of the movie I loved would be a lot of fun. But I haven’t settled on anything yet! I’ve been working on this monster since I saw the movie for the first time on December 15th so who knows when I’ll be ready to do another one, ha! We’ll see what ends up happening. 

Anyway. After an INSANE 10,000 words (a total that is more than any essay I have ever written), we are finally at the end. That’s how much I love this movie, these characters, and their relationship. So much so that I wrote this monster for absolutely no reason than my own enjoyment. I regret nothing. My English major self really came through strong here. For anyone who managed to get to the end of this…holy hell, my friend. You’re the real one! I hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings and exploration as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Till next time.

[renegade-diamonds]

so i was scrolling through dash and then saw you reblogged the fanfic ask emoji post…

🥺😈✨🎶 🌞 💖 💌 🦅👀 🤲

hope you don’t mind how many emojis and questions there are HAHSWIHX I’m curious tbh 😅 <33

but also, no pressure on this!!

if there’s too many, you can choose only a couple if ever, i’m generally curious about any and would love to hear your thoughts on any of them in general yeeee

see you aroundd

@thefourchimes can I just begin this by saying how absolutely honored I am to be mutuals with you! :D

Hurt/Comfort never fails to put me in my feels, or betrayal/begging forgiveness tropes as well. I have a thing for the pregnancy trope as well (don't come for me, I know I have a problem).

Oh yeah, I really like angst. Specifically, the kind of angst that makes readers wanna throw their computer against a wall. I've done some evil stuff, muahahahaha.

I've been told my writing is good, so that counts as a compliment, haha!

Yesssss, I do. I love music. I've been listening to tiktok audios lately; slaughter-house 2 by zecki is a good one I've been particular to.

I write whenever the mood hits, but I guess middle-ish, when everyone else is at work. I like the peace and quiet.

Percy Jackson is what I first started writing, so I guess that did it. I'm neurodivergent, so once I hyperfixate on something, it is so hard to think about doing anything else.

I loooooooooooooooooooove comments and feedback. I neeeeed it. It's an addiction lmfao

It depends on how productive I'm feeling. I've outlined fics, but I've also winged it. My longest fic was completely winged.

My next fourchimes chapter will have a Conquest/Robin moment, so stay tuned for that ;)

10. Sure! Here's something from one my ABO works. It's tame, so nothing crazy to worry about lol

"Robin’s neck is bruised beyond belief, and the sight of it fills Nancy with such ugly self-loathing at her own perceived failure. 

They lay in her bed at the end of it all, finally resting after tending to their wounds and making sure the rest of their group is taken care of. Steve takes Dustin to the hospital to check on Max. Lucas and Erica haven’t even left the unconscious girl’s side. Nancy and Robin only left the hospital to take care of themselves. There was a visitor limit, but in the craziness following the earthquake, that hadn’t been strictly enforced. 

The tension between them melted in the wake of everything that happened. Nancy felt the embers of their attraction catch, and a slow flame was gradually gaining steam. 

It was comfortable, yet so very disheartening for it to have happened under such terrible circumstances."