#i haven’t been this upset in a while | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ilkkawhat · 2 months ago

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#tbd #i can’t tell if i’m having a panic attack #or if somethings not sitting right with me #or the coughing/gagging from the peppers is getting me #but i feel like im about to throw up and my stomach is all sorts of fucked up #and of course we’re supposed to have our thanksgiving lunch and i straight up don’t think i’m gonna be able to eat it #or be there cause i got too much to do 😥#our customer service team has been up my ass all morning and part of me is like ‘lol fuck them’ but #i can’t be that person i want to help and i can’t #and there are things happening that i can’t tell if it’s my fault or not #i haven’t been this upset in a while #(i know it’s only been what. two weeks since my one panic attack that one saturday that shut me down?)#(i hate this. so fucking much. i’m nearly in tears and hiding in the bathroom just to breathe)

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mattodore · 11 days ago

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i can't get enough of them

#river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 screenshots #have been toiling away at an edit i’ve been meaning to make for months now which Is! giving me psychic damage #and i haven’t logged in in a few days so. shares this screenshot with you 🤲#i have so many random screenshots of them that i could share honestly i’ve been playing the game so much lately #but yeah. this edit i’ve been working on… legitimately can’t even start it because it upsets me every time i stare too long at it #i’m simultaneously putting it off while also being a perfectionist and nitpicking every detail #but anyway. it’s a nice change of pace to look at mattodore being sweet and beautiful instead #i’ve decided matthias is keeping the dimples btw 🙂‍↔️#also i love their alpha versions so bad i’m just completely ignoring the transparency issues w the hair and my preset #so don’t look at the obv outline of their bald heads #me saying hi i’m alive! look at my ocs! and then turning around and staring in harrowing grayscale at procreate #logging back out .#oh but wait.#beloved anon who sent a message abt matthias crying over theo know this: hehe yayyyyyy #and also i will reply eventually .#the abandoned state of my inbox…. let’s not discuss it.#sawrry . with big wet eyes #i will be capable of saying things about them eventually #i simply can’t form the sentences rn #<- but can ramble in tags foreverrr #hashtag tumblrgirl

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abigail · 2 months ago

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i actually feel so upset i feel physically sick right now that’s crazy .. ha .. goodnight little people inside my phone ♡

#the way you can still feel this upset about something you knew was coming and had already accepted and made peace with happening #like yes. until it actually happens and it’s real #i haven’t felt like a real person in a while so at least i’ve been reminded i am .. god. .. anyway

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sighssss · 8 months ago

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i’ve had such a strong urge to be self destructive lately and it’s getting harder to ignore

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blvdheart · 5 months ago

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FUCK THEY LEFT WITHOUT ME

#୨ ꨄ︎ ྀི babbling ୧ #my family…we made plans to go to the mall and swap meet today #AND I WOKE UP AND I’M ALONE LMAOOO #straightened my hair yesterday and everything 😖#it’s because i take too long to get ready…and like…they wanted to head out early i guess #i’m actually not upset though i haven’t been alone in my house in a while hehe YA #Y

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deepseawave · 6 months ago

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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a #while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with #and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like #him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing #is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao #she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t #emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao #oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about #max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too #especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually #not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do #you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone #but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions #everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some #degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be #annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me #whoops this post got away from me again oh dear #I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio #giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious #interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving #beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some #of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him #god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)

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butnotbubblegum · 7 months ago

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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amomentpassed · 2 months ago

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#SO i’ve been gunning for an educational leader position for a while and much to my dismay our current EL is being transferred to a new #centre and she is exactly what I aspire to be as an EL and I’ve been wanting to train under her #but they just haven’t made it happen so now her entire role is up for grabs #or so i thought #but another teacher who is like best friends with the entire management team is getting it bc they all referred her #and i hate that i think it but she is nottttt great at her job #and I’ve actually been interim EL on a super short term basis multiple times this year when they’ve been searching for new ones so #wouldn’t you think…. that i’d be their first option????#the other teacher has no prior experience and albeit mine is small it’s something and i rocked that shit #idk them deciding to go with her makes it sound like they think I didn’t do a good job but they asked me multiple times to be the interim EL #so doesn’t that say something???? IDKKKK anyway i’m really upset and enraged and I just hate that #everything is a ‘not what you know but who you know’ game these days #and i’ve said it for months that if this other teacher ever makes EL before me and i’m supposed to let her ~train me and support me then i’d #resign right away because I am not about to set back my career bc they decided to give their friend a whirl at a new title #ANYWAY fun times fun times

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r0semultiverse · 1 year ago

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These organizations supporting KOSA going through while claiming they want to help marginalized kids are actually so disgusting to me. The posts they make about Nex is just virtue signaling & words when their actions say let’s make things worse for these children.

I’m gonna be 100% honest, they should keep that kid’s name out of their damn mouths so long as they support KOSA. Like actually fuck you & eat shit. Actions speak louder than words, traitorous scumbags. You don’t care, you care about your stakeholders more.

Your organization can only thrive & exist so long as there’s a problem to donate towards solving. Of course you would support KOSA, you need a problem to keep existing in order to look like the good guys & solve it. Just go mask off & call us slurs & your “customers” at this point, it would be less disgusting than covering it up behind kind words.

#this goes out to the Trevor project & PFLAG as well as GLAAD & GLSEN #all of you should keep Nex’s name out your mouth when you have every intention to make things worse for trans kids #I can’t imagine going to work for one of these charity organizations & just seeing your bosses make things worse for the people you are #trying to help #I cannot imagine how frustrating & upsetting that is & then the higher ups are just like okayyyy our organization can keep existing...#so now y’all lower rank workers go help these kids whose lives we just made worse!#these charity orgs function like retail stores I stg; they need customers to keep giving them money meanwhile the higher ups make things #worse for said customers while the cashiers & others just try to help the best they can #you’re doing damage control for your incompetent & terrible upper management; it’s just like every other American workplace #you can also compare supporting a bill that would hurt the people they claim to help as a war economy comparison #they need to keep the class war going by supporting this bill in order to keep having money to keep existing as an organization #they’re playing both sides while on the surface saying we are here to help!#no you aren’t! your workers are; but you as higher ups are prioritizing stakeholders over humanity & for that you’ve lost all my respect #I haven’t looked up evidence about the human rights campaign supporting KOSA but they’ve been bad in the past so I believe it tbh #I mean the recent Zionism from HRC is enough for me to be like yeahhh no they absolutely would be in support of the Kosa bill #mine #op #the trevor project #pflag #glaad #GLSEN

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icterid-rubus · 5 months ago

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Tinnitus was so bad last night and this morning. Couldn’t fall asleep, then woke up incredibly early and couldn’t get back to bed.

#I don’t know what made it worse suddenly. I haven’t been around loud sounds #I have been cleaving very upsetting dreams though. maybe it’s stress. if that can affect it that is.#I’m a side sleeper but doing that exacerbates its. it’s easier to try and drown out the noise while laying on my back.#whyyyyyyy isn’t there a cure for this. it’s annoying because it’s iust that. annoying. there’s no danger. no risk for further complications #just an annoying sounds. I really miss the quite. fucking Covid. fuck that lady on the plane right in the eye.

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minminambus · 5 months ago

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Bites drywall. Socializing is SO complicated, my goodness.

#🌸 minminrambles #W;#vent #ish #kinda sorta not really almost etc etc.#But i have been typing to myself for the past. …hour or so. About how much i feel my social life has changed and how I haven’t processed ho #overwhelming it is to have social things… happen to me.#Like. Friendships??? Potential romance??? Close and great friendships???#there are a few goofs from school who I guess I’m hanging out with now??? Me— CEO of getting to class an hour early — choosing to hang #out in the science lounge until five minutes before. It hits me like BRICKS.#And I! Have close online friends! And I’m just forever in awe of it. I don’t know how remotely to express it but I have so much love in my #little heart for them. I go stupid trying to write words and emotes and express things. So I hold back a bit.#And gah. There is this femme I’ve been going butch stupid over— I’ve talked with her for a little while- but only met in person this #Tuesday. And ack. I don’t know how to deal with what I’m feeling. Because I want to be careful and reserved but I also want to push forth #And maybe try asking her out on a more official date / meeting???#I have no idea where I’d take her but. Hm. Maybe I could um. Ask the science goofs. Actually. Hm.#But ack. I want to be so careful with every social thing. And I’m rambling too much again but I’m just. Much love in my heart. And much #stupid in my head <3 #Sitting here crying a little over it all.#I have a lot in my heart. And it makes me upset that I can’t quite share it how others can. But! I share in the ways I can. Gah.#Anyway much love to you the reader if u have tolerated my ramblings. BAHAHAHA <3

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phaltu · 2 years ago

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I know diverging paths is always a part of adulthood but I feel like so many people branched off without my knowing that it makes me feel adrift

#I think the main two things has been seeing a ride or die out distance between us #but also there was a friend I was close to and did a lot of stuff for that got married and I wasn’t invited #which fair we haven’t spoken in a couple years but still feels kind of weird to have that realization #and then there are some people I haven’t talked to in a while but I don’t miss them like I do these people #weird…. anyways #I am not sad or upset just to clarify #and I am lucky to have the fulfilling friendships that I do #just missing certain people and I guess the things they represented in my life

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icecreameater1 · 1 year ago

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Yesterday I was eating one of those cinnamon sugar filled pancakes from trader joed and I was just really wishing for a big scoop of matcha ice cream to eat with it and to day I went to the grocery store and got matcha ice cream #DreamsComeTrue AND the ice cream was bogo so I also got caramel cone and my sister wanted ice cream sandwiches so we got those too. Today I will have the pancake w matcha ice cream and tomorrow I will have an affogato w caramel cone ice cream 👍

#big day for tumblr user icecreameater1 #esp bc the other day I was upset that I haven’t been able to get ice cream for a while #but a few weeks ago I got those matcha wafer ice creams and I had also had a bunch at my sisters

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topflights · 2 years ago

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btw if kenny signs w wwe i’ll walk into the ocean. just in case ur wondering. i’d rather die

#several wwe execs confident they can sign kenny……… i’d quite genuinely rather die a painful death #what would be the point. ALL THIS TIME being THE GUY outside of wwe. just to sign with them while aew has a damn good stride going #what the fuck is the point!!!#will genuinely be upset w kenny at that point i’ll b real. u can’t tell me kenny needs more money #i KNOW that man is rich rich. he’s fine #what’s a flippy guy like kenny gonna do in wwe.#sorry i didn’t see that thing until my brother JUST mentioned it to me. i haven’t been online all day and i’m PISSED AT THE IDEA #but yeah. i’ve given up hope for jay. but jesus christ kenny please no #anything but that. after all this time. please don’t do it god

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pissfizz · 1 year ago

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I don’t understand

#why have so many people started hating me all of the sudden I haven’t DONE anything #there have been things in the past yeah and it was deserved. but that was a while ago and these people weren’t around for it or stuck -#-around past it!! and I literally haven’t done ANYTHING recently. i had a private disagreement with one person and now all of a sudden ever-#-yone fucking hates me and I don’t get it. my irls don’t even know that person exists and unless they went around and told all my online -#-friends I was an awful person or smth then I don’t know why they’d suddenly start hating me either. and I don’t even think that person -#-would do something like that!#i just don’t get it. is it all in my head?#it’s just fucking. unprovoked hostility and distancing and everyone seems upset with me and like they’re avoiding me and hating whenever -#-I talk #i don’t even know what happened this time #vent

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daydreamerdrew · 1 year ago

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The Hulk! (1978) #27

#also Bruce being picked on for being a ‘feeble excuse for a man’ has been a part of his character since day one #with General Ross going on about Bruce being a ‘weak-kneed lily-livered milksop’#which of course became an ironic thing #where people don’t know how much danger they’re putting themselves in by threatening Bruce #while Bruce plays into it because he wants people to back off of him because he’s afraid for their safety #like he’s doing here by agreeing with this guy #which escalates when Bruce gets really desperate to him talking about himself in a way that’s reminiscent to me of General Ross #‘I’ll run away just to show what a yellow-livered coward I am and then you don’t have to…’#the context being that that guy thought he had to beat Bruce up for his reputation's sake #we haven’t really gotten into how Bruce feels about not meeting standards of manliness #beyond like the Hulk saying that Bruce is jealous of his strength #because Bruce has kind of been preoccupied with being upset about the Hulk to have monologues where he’s upset about other stuff #but I’m really curious about it #marvel #bruce banner #my posts #comic panels

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