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ateezmakemeweep · 4 years ago

Text

richboy!yeosang (part 3)

word count: 6k

fluff, smut

(part 2) (miniseries masterlist)

except that.

that was probably the one thing you could’ve said to him that’d be really bad and panic-inducing; because out of all the things he was thinking, he would’ve never suspected that.

he thought maybe you wanted to change your major or quit your job, stressors that the average college student had and went through during their time as a young adult.

but you getting pregnant after years of being on birth control? he never would’ve guessed that.

and he supposes right now, as he gets his ass handed to him by seonghwa, he’s seeing that neither did you.

“no, no, let me get this right,” the man begins.

“she tells you after a month of being terrified that she’s carrying your child. you guys scream and yell at each other for a little bit, in typical yeosang fashion. she cries, tells you to fuck off and then you... actually do fuck off and come here?” seonghwa asks, leant against the doorframe as he watches yeosang’s unmoving body plopped face down on his couch.

“does that sound about right?”

he had figured yeosang was the late night food he ordered, ignoring the way his face was gonna puff in the morning and excitedly opening the door.

but then his best friend of over ten years came barreling in, lowly growling expletive after expletive before adding that, “oh and by the way, you’re gonna be an uncle.”

seonghwa thought he was kidding at first, staring at the boy sitting with his head in his hands before he looked up and saw all the tension and stress and... sadness, he thinks, in his friend’s eyes.

“what happened?” seonghwa asked, his voice soft and kind even though yeosang came tearing in there like a storm; it’s one of the reasons the boy came here, honestly, knowing that his friend would help him through any crisis.

and right now, he felt like he didn’t know what the fuck to do.

“i’m pregnant.”

he didn’t even register the words at first, distracted by your tear-stained face and watery, scared eyes, wanting to do anything in his power to stop them.

but then after a few seconds, it’s like his brain finally woke up and registered the two simple words that just left your mouth.

“what?”

“i’m pregnant, yeosang,” you mumble quietly, not being able to bask in the relief that comes over you because you’re still so scared.

you’re relieved that you told him and happy it’s not a dirty little secret anymore but you’re still terrified of what’s to come; especially when, after you say it, silence fills the apartment.

you can’t tell if it’s a good silence or a bad silence, you just know you could hear a fucking pin drop and that scares you even more.

“how are you.... when did you...” he stutters out, not being able to get his thoughts together.

you daringly peek your head up to see him shaking his and staring down at the floor with furrowed brows, finally meeting your gaze with confusion and utter shock in his eyes.

“you’re on the pill,” yeosang states obviously, like it wasn’t the first thing you, mingi and yunho said too. “how did that even happen?”

“i don’t know, that’s what i said,” you tell him, shaking your own head because it really is hard to believe this is happening to you, of all people; you’ve heard of this happening before but no one ever thinks it could happen to them, that they’d be the 1% (or 9%, as mingi suggested) that birth control fails on.

“did you forget to take it or something?” he asks, no malice in his tone but the words making you raise an eyebrow at him; he’s not seriously about to blame you for this?

“no, yeosang, i didn’t forget to take it,” you snap. “you know i’m careful and set an alarm. i’ve been on it for years.”

“babe, i didn’t mean it like that,” yeosang says, hearing the snippy tone in your voice and wincing at the look on your face.

he makes his way over from his spot on the couch to crouch below you, his hands resting on your kneecaps as you sit stiffly with your feet under you. the soft apologetic look on his face should soothe you but instead you find yourself slightly irritable.

“i’m just confused as to how this happened,” he says softly, his eyes roaming your face in a way that makes tears continue to sting yours. you don’t know if you’re mad or upset, you just feel like you wanna cry.

“well then that makes two of us,” you mumble, a sigh leaving yeosang’s mouth as he rests his head on your legs. his forehead is warm against your cold skin as you let out a sigh of your own, not wanting to snap at him during a moment like this.

you lace your fingers in his hair as the two of you just come to terms with everything, yeosang’s breathing a little more calm and even against your skin.

“so that’s why you were puking,” he realizes aloud, a humorless laugh leaving you as you nod your head in confirmation.

“yup. not a virus but morning sickness.”

your boyfriend has the slightest pout on his lips as he recalls how sick you felt those first few days, running his thumbs along your knee gently.

but then he remembers you started puking nearly a month ago, which was then followed by all your weird behavior he chopped up to you still feeling sick and stressed over work.

your abnormal distance, your lack of interest in sex, a far away look in your eye any time he was trying to talk to you; he feels a slight sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach before he even asks the question.

“when did you find this out?”

he doesn’t mean to blurt the question out so forcefully but he can tell he does, hears it in his own voice and sees your face snap down to him with a look of guilt.

that was the one thing he noticed about you right away, you weren’t able to lie. you were always such an easy read and it’s one of the reasons he took such an interest in you.

he knew what pissed you off and he knew what made you flustered; but in turn, he also always knows when you lie or when you feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

when he’s met with silence, he moves away from your lap and stands in front of you. he pulls you up and over to the couch so you can both sit side by side, his body turned to look at you carefully.

his gaze is intense and scrutinizing and it only makes you that more nervous to answer.

you’ll never forget when yunho said that’s what made him so intimidating. the way he could have the softest, sweetest eyes but then also pierce through your very soul and make you nearly fall to his feet.

“baby...” he tries again, bringing his hand to your face gently.

he turns so you can look at him and you see his eyes flash when he notices more tears have welled up, stomach sinking as fear and shame build.

“answer me, please,” he begs softly, trying to keep his emotions at bay but also hating to see you like this.

you press your lips together so you don’t let out a pathetic sob, your eyes roaming his face before you bite the bullet and begin telling him.

“when yunho came over that first week i was sick,” you start, remembering the boy only insisted on visiting because yeosang went back to school and work and didn’t want you being alone.

“then mingi came over and was the one who said it. i-i didn’t think it was possible but we went and got tests anyway and... they were all positive, yeosang. all fucking five of them and i didn’t know what to do. i was a wreck on this couch until you got home.”

“you should’ve told me right away, baby, what the fuck,” yeosang says, his voice strangely soft despite the louder volume and curses leaving him.

you feel comforted by the fact that even as you tell him this, he pulls you closer into his warm body and wraps his arms around you.

he hates thinking that for a month, you were terrified and dealing with this alone. keeping it from him when he thinks he could’ve made you feel better about this whole scary moment - it’d be better if you guys were afraid together.

“i was so scared and i didn’t know how you’d take it,” you mutter to him, not wanting to make him feel bad but also wanting to be honest. “i didn’t know if you’d be mad or surprised and you just seemed so stressed with work and stuff... i didn’t wanna make it worse.”

his heart sinks as he listens to your words, allowing yourself to be full of anxiety and stress just to spare him.

“my love...” his deep voice mumbles lowly, your stomach flipping at the warm affection in his tone. his hand cupping your face immediately makes your body relax against him, finally gaining the courage to look him in the eyes.

his gaze is less intense and scrutinizing, now full of love and affection and warmth that already makes you feel just a little bit better.

maybe keeping this a secret wasn’t that big of a deal, maybe he understands because he’s going through the same fears and anxieties you were at first.

“now, why would i be mad about you being pregnant?” he asks, a small smile on his face as he looks over you questioningly. “surprised? sure. but we just talked about it, baby.... i want a family with you. i mean... i was thinking a little bit later in life but if you’re so eager now...”

you narrow your eyes at his teasing and smack his arm lightly, almost wanting to whine about how calm and nonchalant he’s being about this.

how is he not absolutely terrified right now? how is he teasing and smiling and talking as if a tiny person isn’t gonna pop out in nine months and change your entire life?

“how could you possibly be this calm about it?” you ask him with an annoyed groan, leaning back on the couch to rest your pounding head on the armrest. “i spent weeks crying and sick to my stomach about it.”

“maybe because you were keeping it from me,” he mutters sarcastically, his hands resting next to your head as he looms above you.

you can only respond with your lips in the smallest of pouts, a smirk crossing his mouth before he meets yours in a chaste kiss.

it’s the most real and intense a kiss has felt between you two in weeks, his hand creeping over to hold your jaw tightly. you welcome his tongue eagerly, your own lapping against his before you two smile into the kiss.

“for real, though,” he mutters when he eventually pulls back, chests heaving from lack of air and a need to reconnect lips. “i know you’re scared and so i am. but it’ll be okay. i’m... kind of excited, actually.”

you smile softly at him, a tiny “really?” leaving your mouth that has him nodding and smiling proudly. you reach up to peck his cheek sweetly, the calmness that evaded you for weeks finally coming back to ground you.

“but don’t keep anything else from me, okay? i wanna be part of these things and know about this, babe.”

“okay,” you say breathily, his eyes so thoughtful and loving you can feel your heart swelling in your chest.

and it doesn’t even occur to you in that moment to mention the doctor visit you already had; you’re just so distracted by his positive reaction and the need to kiss him, finally allowing yourself to deepen it and give yourself over to him.

you missed him and his touch and his lips on you, straddling his lap as you giggle into the kiss.

it’s after a few minutes of silence, you both laying there with heaving chests and your clothes littered on the floor from nearly an hour of making up for lost time, that yeosang starts tracing shapes on your stomach.

lines and circles and even a heart that makes you bite back a smile. his own deep chuckle rings through the air a few seconds later, your head craning to the side to look at him.

“why are you laughing?” you ask, a smile pulling at your lips.

“i just... can’t believe this,” he says happily, his warm hands on your skin making your heart jump.

“and i think it’s pretty funny that fucking mingi was the one who came to this conclusion,” yeosang laughs out, his long, gentle fingers pressing down mindlessly. “like how’d he even know about...morning sickness and shit?”

“i don’t know to be honest,” you giggle out, thinking back to the boy’s meltdown in the doctor’s office.

and maybe because you were so happy and giddy about his reaction, his warm hands on you and the soft smile on his face and the bliss from multiple orgasms, you didn’t even think about your next words.

you were just so excited to share these things with him now, let him in on the past few weeks of what you were going through and wanted to be going through with him.

“you should’ve seen his face at the doctor, though, he looked horrified when he saw the sonogram machine. and then when they presumed he was the father, oh, my god, he nearly-”

“wait, wait, wait, what? the doctor?”

your face falls when you hear the immediate change in his voice, something mixed of hurt and disbelief as he sits up and looks at you in confusion.

“when did you go there?”

“i... well, two days after i took the tests. we just wanted to make sure the results were right,” you say quietly, voice small and soft as your stomach starts to churn. “a-and i wanted to make sure i was, you know, healthy and stuff.”

you remember the horror stories and scary incidences of ectopic pregnancies, aware and terrified of just how many things could go wrong - and mingi was quick to remind you himself as well.

“i mean i get that,” yeosang says, surprised by how hurt and upset he’s feeling now. “but like... when were you gonna tell me you already went? the first appointment seems kind of like a big deal, y/n. i wish you would’ve told me then.”

“i was scared, yeosang,” you attempt to justify again, knowing it was wrong to keep it from him but also feeling as if you have the right to be a little nervous and scared shitless. “i didn’t know how to handle it and you were stressed, like, that whole time, i didn’t wanna-”

“i’ll never be too stressed for you, what don’t you get by now, y/n?” he snaps, “have i not proved that to you?”

“of course you have but this is different, yeosang,” you tell him, joining as you sit up and look at him with wide eyes. he was fine about it a few seconds ago, why is this so different?

“this is me being pregnant and possibly changing our life forever. you said you wanted to be married first. you said not for a while. so i didn’t know how you were gonna-”

“i love you, y/n,” he laughs out, shaking his head half in disbelief.

how did you think he was gonna react? go crazy and tell you he didn’t want to be with you anymore? have a mental breakdown because he was a little stressed over his stupid boss and mundane work?

“do you not get how much i actually fucking love you? how could you think i was gonna react in any way but happy?”

“because i wasn’t happy,” you blurt out, his eyes widening and face dropping.

“i mean i wasn’t upset or angry about it but i was so fucking scared, yeosang,” you quickly correct. you want this baby and you want this life with him, you’re just... how did this go so wrong so fast?

“my body’s gonna change and our life is gonna change. i’ll probably have to take some time off from school and all of that scared me. and i thought it would scare you, too.”

“it does scare me but i know we’ll get through it, y/n. especially if we’re on the same page. the same way we’ve been on the same page for these past few years. we’ll be okay but you can’t keep shit from me. that’s how we got this far.”

“i didn’t mean it in a bad way,” you whisper, hearing that edge in his voice he always gets when he starts to get mad or dwell on something.

he was hurt by you keeping it from him but he’s even more hurt you did such a big first step without him.

“i didn’t know you’d wanna come to the appointment with me.”

“how could you think i’d not wanna be there, y/n?” he asks before his face darkens and a tick begins to form in his jaw. “and then you take another man, no less? mingi looked like the baby’s father.”

and it’s like once he says that, you can’t control the outburst of emotions that erupt out of you. him being upset, you understand, but being upset that mingi, your gay best friend who has a fiancé, went with you? when you were scared and freaking out and felt like you didn’t know what to do without him?

“are you fucking kidding me?”

his eyebrows shoot up at the bite in your words, his eyes flaring as they watch you stare him down.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you, i really am, yeosang, and that was wrong of me. but i went with mingi. my best friend, who was there for me when i was terrified.”

“you didn’t let me be there for you,” he bites back, hating that a fight is starting but both of you feeling far too angry and hurt right now. “why are you making it seem like i didn’t wanna be a part of it when you didn’t fucking tell me?”

“are you gonna keep throwing that in my face? i’ve told you over and over again i was scared, yeosang. i’m still fucking scared and i’m sorry i can’t be as calm as you about this but i didn’t know what to do.”

“it’s not about being calm, y/n, it’s about telling me things. were you not even gonna tell me you went? pretend as if our first time going together was your first check up?”

he feels like he’s being a little bit of a bitch about it at this point but he’s truthfully too hurt to care.

he thought he made it clear he wanted a life and a family with you. he was ready to go out and buy you a ring if you said you wanted to get married right now; so why didn’t you get he wanted to be there for you, no matter what?

he wants to be there during every step of the way, not just when things are easy and fun.

“i didn’t even think about it,” you snap, hurt and upset by his accusations. “i didn’t think you’d be this upset, yeosang. you weren’t upset five seconds ago when i told you i kept it from you for a month so why are you upset about this?”

he can’t hear how small and sad your voice is, only focused on your words and the way they make him feel even more upset and frustrated.

“because... that’s different, y/n. that’s something a father should be there for and that’s something that makes it real.’

“that’s exactly why it scared me,” you tell him, tears burning your eyes and your voice barely above a whisper. “and that’s why i needed someone there with me.”

“it should’ve been me there with you,” he growls lowly, possessiveness and anger creeping up on him before he can even think.

but he can only picture you scared and vulnerable as you hear the news about your baby, listening to the doctor congratulate you and holding mingi’s hand tightly because you’re scared to hear it from a real, human source.

“do you not think i know that?” you snap, voice raising as you jump up from your spot on the couch. “i already told you i’m sorry, yeosang. i don’t know why you’re not hearing that i’m fucking scared.”

you wanted him from the second you started taking the pregnancy tests, since the second the words pregnancy were even said. but you wanted him to be content and stress-free more, you wanted him to be okay hearing this news and not potentially destroy your relationship.

“and if you’re just gonna keep making me feel bad about it then how about you just fuck off. because i really don’t need this right now.”

he doesn’t have anything nice to say so he doesn’t say anything, watching as you attempt to wipe at your face discretely and take off toward your shared bedroom.

the sound of the door slamming echoes through the apartment, the knot in yeosang’s stomach only growing more as he gets up and stomps over to throw his shoes on, a similar sound echoing from the entrance of the apartment before silence fills the darkness.

seonghwa waits until yeosang looks up at him to walk over to the boy, plopping down on the chair across from him to shrug his shoulders.

“so... why’d you come here then?”

“i didn’t know where else to go.”

a smirk crosses the boy’s face as he shakes his head, letting out a sigh as he watches his friend carefully.

long gone were those high school feelings of envy and suppressed anger over the situation, able to see now, three years later, that yeosang was the one meant for you.

getting away from you two proved to work for him, distracting himself in a foreign country with foreign friends and foreign girls until he came back and saw how happy you two still were.

and all he really ever wanted was for you two to be happy - and he’s positive you two are gonna get past this by tomorrow morning. because he’s never seen a couple more perfect for each other, even despite your blowout fights.

“well, do you wanna know what i think?”

yeosang rolls his eyes up to look at his friend, the cocky grin and glint in his eyes already not sitting well with him.

“not really. i came here to vent and lay on your expensive couch.”

“you got me that couch, asshole.”

“exactly,” yeosang says, resting his head back on the cushion and almost regretting purchasing this for seonghwa’s housewarming present and not his own.

“anyway you dick,” seonghwa says, suppressing the chuckle threatening to leave him. “i think you’re a fucking idiot for leaving her and have to go back home.”

and just as yeosang opens his mouth to speak, unsure of what he’s gonna say but feeling the need to say something, seonghwa raises his pointer finger and cuts the boy off.

“you have to remember it’s gonna be her body and her life being impacted the most by this. i get why you’re upset that she went without you, i’d probably be hurt too, but it’s how she felt most comfortable at the time. you can’t get mad at her for that. it’s fucking scary, yeosang, and i’m surprised you’re not more terrified about it.”

yeosang listens to seonghwa’s words, letting them soak in his pounding head that’s now screaming at him for leaving you home alone in the first place.

he knows his friend is right and he knows he might’ve overreacted a little.

but he also thinks he’s a little more scared than he’s letting on, wanting to be strong and secure for you but also knowing firsthand how important being a good father is.

it took him long enough to figure out how to be a good boyfriend, he would hate if it took him that long to become a good father and mess up his child along the way.

but he thinks because he has you, the whole journey will be a lot easier.

“i’m scared but i love her,” yeosang says, the words so sweet and honest and soft, seonghwa’s surprised to hear them leave his friend so easily. “i’ve had every intention of marrying her and becoming the father of her kids. so it doesn’t seem that scary, i guess.”

seonghwa feels his heart pull in his chest at the mere fact this is the same friend who used to never let anyone in, would purposely isolate himself and self sabotage and thought being an asshole was easy because it pushed people away.

but he tried to push you away and it only seemed to bring you two together, a smile pulling on seonghwa’s lips before he bites down on them quickly.

“you fucking sap.”

yeosang’s head snaps up at his friend, an annoyed expression crossing his face before he grabs the pillow next to him and promptly whips it at his friend.

“shut up. that’s you and will always be you. little bitch.”

seonghwa snorts as he cranes his neck to the side, eyes roaming the dark night sky and high rises of the city. silence falls between the two boys as they sit with their thoughts, yeosang about you and wondering what you’re doing and seonghwa wondering where the fuck his food-

a knock on the door causes him to spring up, rushing over and sighing in relief when he’s greeted with his late night pancake order. yeosang nosily peeks his head over the couch, his interest heightening when he sees his friend carrying a to-go box of food.

“what’d you get?”

“none of your business,” seonghwa responds, placing the box on the table before disappearing into the kitchen.

yeosang rolls his eyes before making his way over to the table, his eyebrows knitting together before he lets out a humorless laugh. almost one of disbelief.

"of course, why wouldn't you be stealing the last free muffin," yeosang hums sarcastically, a smirk on his lips that has you snatching your hand away.

"you're mean," you whine, resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at him, "they were out of chocolate chip pancakes and i'll have you know i was willing to spend the $10."

"wow, $10," he says, tone dripping with sarcasm as he picks up the muffin and resists the urge to smile when a pout covers your face.

he remembers that day at the ski lodge feeling like it was longest one of his life, the night quickly falling before the power outage landed you in his room.

it’s when he confessed all of his tragic tales to you, something he hid from everyone and told you simply because a part of him was overwhelmed to.

it didn’t excuse how he treated you but he’d hoped you’d understand after hearing that why you should stay away from him.

why trying to see any good in him at that point in his life was ridiculous.

but you never stopped and he remembers to this day that’s when he allowed himself to fall for you, blew all his trauma and caution and doubts to the wind and tried to be worthy for someone like you.

but he also remembers seonghwa coming in and looking at him like he was about to beat the shit out of him that night, whisking you away before they started to fight over you in dramatic, movie night fashion.

it’s why he didn’t even hesitate to think back to that morning with you, the pout on your face and sad look in your eye about not being able to eat those $10 chocolate chip pancakes ingrained in his mind.

“can i still order room service?” he asked the front desk, the flustered voices on the other end of the phone letting out a frustrated groan before telling him yes; it probably wasn’t the nicest thing to do after an unexpected power outage shocked the staff, but he needed a one up on seonghwa at the time.

“can i have an order of chocolate chips pancakes then?”

“don’t even try it,” seonghwa growled at the boy, pushing him away before plopping down on the dining room chair.

yeosang let out a snort as he raised an eyebrow at the boy, looking from him to the food then back to him. without a second thought, and only a little bit of a distasteful sigh, seonghwa plopped a pancake on the lid for his friend and pushed it away from him.

“only because i’m gonna be an uncle.”

“maybe a godfather, who knows,” yeosang mutters, a smile breaking out across seonghwa’s face before he promptly shovels a pancake in his mouth.

the two sit in silence for a few moments, sounds of chewing and disgusted looks being thrown back and forth before seonghwa swallows and begins to speak.

“for real, though, it’s cool you guys are gonna be parents. you’ll be a good dad, yeosang.”

the boy looks up at his friend and sees nothing but honesty in his eyes, stabbing his fork through another piece of pancake before popping one in his mouth.

“you think?”

he thinks this is why he came here, too; because without even him verbalizing it directly, his friend somehow knew one of the silent worries he was having.

“i do,” seonghwa nods, a small smile on his face as he looks at his friend. “kind of early and surprising but i don’t think that matters. you and y/n are good for each other. you’ll figure it out.”

yeosang smiles at his friend warmly, popping another piece of food into his mouth and swallowing.

“and if you somehow fuck up again with her,” seonghwa adds, yeosang looking back up to see a shit eating smirk across his friends face. “i could always step in for old times sake. raise the baby as my own. i think that’d be pretty-”

“shut the fuck up.”

a deep chuckle bubbles out of seonghwa at his friend’s words, covering his face and shouting the boy’s name when a few seconds later, utensils are hurled right across the table.

the apartment is as dark and quiet as it was when he left, kicking his shoes off to the side before quickly making his way toward the bedroom.

he pushes the door open quietly, met with the sounds your breathing as you lie asleep in bed. he leans his head against the doorframe as he watches your sleeping form got a moment, his stomach sinking the whole time he walked back home.

he felt bad about the fight and it’s hitting him even more at this very moment, walking over to crouch beside you and move a messy piece of hair out of your face.

he frowns upon seeing your pouted lips and puffy face, his finger swiping under your cheek where dried tears are; he can tell you probably cried yourself to sleep.

leaning forward, he presses a feather light kiss to your skin, licking over his dry lips as his stinging eyes roam your face.

he doesn’t know how long he just kneels there and watches you, his hand running through your hair as regret and shame bubble in the pit of his stomach.

it’s a strange contrast to the overwhelming feeling of warmth in his chest, heart soaring at the fact you both have gotten this far together. that you’ll now be expecting a child, half you and half him, and start a little family that he only began to picture when he met you.

he wasn’t even sure if he wanted kids until you came along, the idea of you and only you carrying his child; watching you with them and making him love you even more.

“yeosang?” you mumble sleepily, your eyes blinking open slowly in a daze.

you felt a presence next to you and hands in your hair, waking up panicked for less than a second before you saw your boyfriend’s familiar outline in the darkness.

“hi, baby.”

his voice is deep and thick with emotion, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you sit up to look at him.

you don’t know if you’re more alarmed by the tone of his voice or the look on his face, still dazed from sleep so you’re not exactly remembering what happened hours ago.

you recall laying down with your face in the pillow, quiet cries wracking your body, before promptly passing out into a dreamless sleep.

but now you’re blinking at him with such confusion and such a soft, sleepy look, messy hair and sleep marks on your puffy face, that it make tears sting the back of his eyes.

he can’t believe he left you here alone.

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry and i know you’re scared.”

your eyes widen slightly as he sits up and pulls you into him despretely, your face in his chest before his arms wrap around you and hold you tight; it’s almost too tight, making it hard to breathe in his warm body, but you wouldn’t dare a say a word.

because the more aware you become of your surroundings, the more you remember from earlier in the night. you cursing at him and not being sensitive enough, finding his concerns ridiculous but also realizing, he just wanted to be there for you.

he wanted to be there for you every step of the way and you can’t blame him for being a little hurt.

but he also can’t be mad for you being scared and not knowing how to react right away, dealing with more than just the simple fact of telling him.

“i know you’re scared and i know it’ll be hard for you but we’ll do it together... okay? we’ll get through it, baby, and i’ll be there for you the whole time. i just don’t wanna fight with you.”

“me either,” you mumble against his chest, tears swarming in your own eyes when you pull back and see his eyes are glossy, too. “it wasn’t fair to you and i should’ve told you sooner. i... i shouldn’t have been scared to tell you.”

“i get why you didn’t though,” he hums lowly, remembering how much he complained to you those few weeks about being stressed from work. “i get your life is gonna change more than mine and i’m sorry i didn’t-”

you interrupt his words by pressing your lips to his, worming your way into his lap as he meets your kiss with a fervor. your mouths part and his tongue teases at your mouth, just passing that line of sweet and chaste.

“it’s okay,” you mumble when you pull back, a small smile on your face as you look at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “we’re okay now.”

a smile crosses yeosang’s face as he nods, pulling you into him again as he presses his lips against your forehead.

he closes his eyes as he takes in a few calming breaths, feeling your warm skin under his lips and your body close to his; you guys are okay and he didn’t mess anything up.

you’ll still have to take it day by day but he knows you guys are gonna be okay.

you hear him mumble a quiet “i love you,” against your head and you smile softly as you pull back, responding with a softly spoken “i love you,” before you lean back and plop yourself back down on the warm space you previously occupied.

it didn’t feel right sleeping here without him. the bed felt far too big and far too cold and far too empty.

“can you sleep with me now?” you whine softly, a pout on your face as you stretch your arms out to him. “i missed you.”

and it’s the fact that you missed him even though he made you cry that makes him hold back tears again, throwing himself down on bed and pulling you over so you can rest on his chest.

you cuddle yourself closer to him with a content sigh, intertwining your arms and legs as you lay your head over his chest.

“i don’t know how we used to fight all the time,” yeosang mumbles after a few seconds of silence, his hand in yours as his thumb softly caresses your skin. “i fucking hated it.”

“i know,” you chuckle out lightly, your eyes closed as you bury your face in his chest. “you’re soft now, though. i thought you were gonna cry or something.”

a deep chuckle leaves him before he lets out something between a growl and scoff, your loud giggles filling the room when he reaches over and grabs at your ticklish waist.

it’s the same giggles that fill the living room the next day when all the boys come over, san, jongho, and wooyoung nearly falling over in shock when you tell them the news.

“you’re....pregnant? like... with a baby?” wooyoung asks, poking at your stomach roughly like it’s some foreign object.

“no, with a chicken,” yeosang snaps, pushing his friend back to halt him from touching you. “what kind of stupid fucking question is that?”

“i don’t know! i’m just shocked, okay!”

a smile crosses your face as you hear the front door open, your eyes shifting to see seonghwa, mingi and yunho walking into the apartment. your smile widens upon seeing the boys, the two tallest ones bouncing over happily.

mingi catches yeosang’s eyes and raises an eyebrow when he sees the boy throw him a dirty look, the dark-haired boy scoffing as they stare each other down.

“you still mad the doctor thought i was the daddy?” mingi growls lowly, a snort leaving you and yunho’s mouth as yeosang pushes at the taller boy and throws you a blank look.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to,” you tell him, accidentally letting it slip on your daily morning phone call with the boy.

but it doesn’t stop mingi and yeosang from bickering further, your own form sauntering over to seonghwa and greeting him with a smile.

“hi.”

“hey,” seonghwa smiles, handsome as ever as he congratulates you softly.

you weren’t surprised when yeosang told you he went there last night, the friendship between the boys something you’ve watched blossom into something remarkable.

it took you a while to get over the guilt of almost destroying it but now it all seemed like a distant memory. you and seonghwa had an unspoken love for one another but it wasn’t like the teenage, puppy type love you once had for one another.

it was more so one of a mutual respect. a genuine friendship where neither you, seonghwa or yeosang felt awkward or threatened by.

but it’s upon listening to seonghwa talk softly to you that you notice a red mark on his face, your eyes squinting and hand reaching up to poke at a deep scratch across his face.

“seonghwa, oh my god,” you interrupt, yeosang’s head snapping to you before a guilty (but unapologetic) expression overcomes him. “what happened to your face?”

part 4

tag list: @mirror-juliet @toffee-hwa @valhoez @miatsubaki23 @mydaintydaisy @treasure-hwa @khjssss [couldn’t tag :( ]

#completely forgot to post this yesterday jfdkvkfvk #sorry!! on that cliffhanger too :/#yeosang #yeosang angst #yeosang fluff #ateez #ateez angst #ateez fluff #yeosang scenarios #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #yeosang imagines

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cockroachmotherfucker10 · 4 years ago

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I’m worried about heart damage from previous anorexia based on some symptoms I’ve had for years now but can’t quite explain well. I only recovered because I noticed that my heart was beating less and less. Forty pounds later and it might have been too late, anyway. But again, I don’t know how to phrase any of this to my doctor in a concise way. I feel lost and kind of scared.

Anon, I totally understand how you're feeling. Before I give you my advice, I'm going to share my own experience, but if you prefer to skip that (totally fine!), I've added a large heading before my advice.

My Experience

I already had a heart condition (reflex anoxic seizures [RAS]) before my anorexia started, but at my worst, it got...scary.

The chest pain was constant. At night, the pain of heart palpitations--all those irregular flips and pauses and stutters--would keep me up for hours, and I'd pray with every ounce of faith I had to wake up alive in the morning. My heart felt like a fragile, fluttery thing, weak and untrustworthy. But I tried to ignore it, tried to blame it all on my RAS.

Of course, when I entered recovery, my heart issues improved very quickly, as did my breathing problems (it used to be that I constantly struggled to get a full breath and always felt like there was a steel vice constricting my lungs, or like I was trying to breathe underwater)--because my RAS was never the cause. Starving was.

What's interesting is, my heart issues started before I became severely underweight. I had had them for the entire 3-4 years before I entered recovery. It's TERRIFYING how quickly anorexia gave me health issues.

Now that I have spent a year in recovery/quasi-recovery, with relapses here and there, I still worry about my heart. If I go for a short jog in the evening, I will lie in bed hours later and have heart palpitations. If I go too long without eating, my heart will start to feel fluttery and weak again. I have low blood pressure and feel like I'm going to black out if I stand up, or sit up, or straighten out my posture.

And I will be 100% honest with you, Anon: I haven't told the doctor about it. I go to my yearly checkups, but I haven't mentioned my concerns, because I am so scared of finding out that my fear is justified.

I absolutely understand how scary it can be, Anon. I am so sorry you are going through this.

My Advice

My best advice is to make a plan for what you will tell the doctor. First, what do you think they might need to know? I have some ideas:

The symptoms that concern you now

Symptoms you had in the past

Why you think you are having problems

Now let's break it down further. Let's look at the first category: the symptoms that concern you now.

What are these symptoms? (e.g. chest pain; irregular pulse; dizziness; paleness; cold, blue, swollen, or numb extremities; shortness of breath; fatigue)

Can you describe them in detail? (e.g. pain--is it stabbing, burning, aching, squeezing? Irregular pulse--does your heart beat too fast, beat too slow, pound, flutter, skip beats?)

Where in your body do they occur? (e.g. your heart; your whole chest; the left side of your chest; your extremities)

When/how often do they occur? (e.g. every day; at least twice a week; when you lay down)

When did they start? (e.g. X years ago; when your eating disorder started; when you reached X weight)

Have you noticed any triggers that make them worse? (e.g. exercise; skipping meals; caffeine)

Have you noticed anything that helps? (e.g. relaxation techniques; drinking water; eating)

The next category is symptoms you had in the past.

What were these symptoms? Can you describe them in detail? Where in your body did they occur? When/how often did they occur? What made them better/worse? When did they start?

When did they stop? (e.g. X years ago; when you started recovery; when you reached X weight)

Did you make any changes before they stopped? (e.g. increased caloric intake; gained weight; changed exercise habits; was hospitalized; started taking vitamins; changed contents of diet)

Do they ever come back? (e.g. every couple months; only after intense exercise; never)

And finally, why you think you are having problems.

What do you believe caused these symptoms? (e.g. anorexia, restriction; e.g. anorexia, binge-purge; bulimia)

How long did this last? (e.g. X years; most of high school)

What potentially harmful behaviors have you engaged in? (e.g. extreme weight loss; being underweight; undereating; fasting; laxative abuse; excessive caffeine; overexercise; purging)

Can you describe these behaviors in detail? (e.g. X-lb weight loss in X months/years; weighing X lbs; ~X daily calories; ~X hours/days of fasting daily/weekly; ~X hours of cardio daily; ~X times purging daily)

How often and for how long did you engage in these behaviors? (e.g. every day; on and off for a few months at a time; at least twice per week)

When did you stop engaging in these behaviors? (e.g. X months ago; tapered off starting X years ago; after hospitalization in 20XX)

Do you ever engage in these behaviors now? (e.g. every few months; after noticing weight gain; never)

What have you been diagnosed with? (e.g. anorexia nervosa, binge-purge subtype; reflex anoxic seizures; hypotension; iron deficiency; nothing but should have been)

What medications and supplements are you taking? (e.g. Prozac; blood thinners; multivitamins; ibuprofen when needed)

What is your family medical history? (e.g. hypotension runs in the family; father had heart attack at age XX; grandmother died of stroke; most female relatives struggle with disordered eating)

Okay, now that we have a list of some things the doctor might want to know, it's time to make notes. Get a piece of paper, a notebook, a Google Doc, or whatever, and start writing down the answers to these questions. If you can think of any more questions or relevant information the doctor might be interested in, great! Write all of that down too.

If you want, you can bring these notes to your appointment to help you remember the info, or even to show the doctor. If you don't bring your notes, you'll still be prepared for the questions the doctor might ask you.

Now it's time to schedule an appointment. I'd recommend going to your primary care physician first; if they recommend seeing a specialist, then it may be time to book an appointment with a cardiologist.

When you make your appointment, just give the basics of your symptoms. For example, "Hi, I'm _______. I'd like to schedule an appointment with Dr. _______. I've been having heart palpitations and chest pain and I just want to see what's going on."

And now comes the hard part: talking to the doctor. Start with the most important information first (when I listed the questions in blue text, I tried to put the most important ones first in each category), and expand on it when asked.

If at all possible, I would strongly recommend telling the doctor about your history with anorexia in as much detail as they ask for (I'd also recommend asking the nurse not to tell you your weight!). However, I know it might be hard to talk about your eating disorder. Just give as much information as you can, even if it means having to say something vague like "I lost a lot of weight a few years back."

The important thing to remember is that your doctor will not judge you for your history with anorexia. Doctors have seen everything; all they care about is treating their patients as best they can. It's scary to think that something could be wrong, but it's better you discover any problems and start looking at treatment options now, rather than later.

You can do this, Anon! I'm proud of you for wanting to talk to your doctor. You make me want to seek help for my own heart problems. I believe in you, and I wish you the best of luck! ❤️

-Mod Lia

#mod lia #ask #asks #eating disorder recovery #edrecovery #ana recovery #ed recovery #anorexia recovery

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demivampirew · 4 years ago

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Keep Calm and Go to London chapter 15

Synopsis: This is the story of (y/n), a successful actress, musician, musical producer and songwriter. After battling depression and breaking up a long relationship, she seeks for a change of air, escaping LA for a while going to visit some friends in London and there she meets Henry. -Disclaimer: some chapters are mostly smut.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Triggers: talking about body image issues, low self-steem; bullying; mention of sex; talking about kids.

Tag list: Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank you so much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too ☺️ (I think I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to tag you, tell me ☺️ ) @cavillanche @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo constip8merm8 penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen littlefreya wondersofdreaming alyxkbrl solariumss sweetybuzz25 @thethirstyarchive @agniavateira @honeyloverogers @hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @michelle-1185

Disclaimer: First, there’s a song that reader writes for Henry; of course I’m not a songwriter - as much as I’d loved to- so the song is actually a song from Hannah Montana (yes, laugh but the song it’s perfect for him ♥). Second and lastly, you may not feel as reader relatable in some things, especially in this chapter, but I hope that you still can enjoy it.

Since you started to date Henry, those days of hating your body and yourself were starting to be part of the past. There was no doubt that he desired you and you were perfect on his eyes and made you feel perfect. You could be without any makeup and a simple ponytail or a bun and wearing pyjamas and he'd still made you feel like the most gorgeous woman on earth. You still enjoyed to get dress and wear makeup because it made you feel even better. Most days you felt amazing and the self-bullying started to fade out. But, you still have those days in which you didn't felt confident and beautiful. This was one of those days. You got up and try to put a pair of jeans and ended tossed them out and choosing a pair of leggings instead because the jeans didn't fit you so well anymore. Since the quarantine began, you felt a bit more anxious than usual, so you started to eat a bit more, and the fact that your amazing boyfriend loved to bake bread, cookies and other delicious pastries and meals didn't help you at all. You could go to exercise and your only cardio was the long love-making sessions with Henry every night, that made you burn calories, but no as much as you were consuming. You went to see Henry and seeing him made you feel worse. Contrary to you, he was losing weight but gaining muscle. He trained during the day with some gym stuff and sex made him burn more calories than you. You hated your slow metabolism. He was looking hot as hell and you felt the complete opposite. - Good morning, baby. I made you breakfast.- he greeted you as soon as he saw you. "Great," you thought sarcastically when you saw the waffles waiting for you. - Is there anything wrong? - he asked you detecting that you didn't really mean that. - I'm not hungry, that's all.- you replied, offering a smile. - You have to eat. Sit- he indicated you. - I don't want to - you said, pouting. - What's going on? - he questioned, worried. - I've gained weight. I cannot wear my jeans because they feel really tight and uncomfortable. - Sorry to hear that, but don't you worry. I'm pretty sure when this is all over you will lose that weight or just get new jeans. You look amazing, there's nothing to worry about. I assure you. - That's because you're a man and you're super hot. With me is different. If I get just a few pounds, I'll be all over the internet with people saying that I'm fat. That's what they do to us in Hollywood. - Don't pay attention to what people say about you. Somebody will always look for something to hurt you, just don't let them get to you. You are perfect now and will be perfect always, no matter how you look. - he said as he grabbed your face and gave you a kiss.- And by the way, men also suffer those things. - he said and he sat on a chair and made you sit on his lap.- I was bullied as a kid for being overweight. It affected me a lot and till this day does, maybe not every day, but it definitely makes me feel bad sometimes. Some days, I don't understand why you or anyone would think I'm "sexy" or why you'd like to be with me in the first place. Other days, very often, I feel this pressure of maintaining my muscles and being fit, because I feel like you'd not like to be with me if I don't look ripped and also, I'd trouble with the roles. - he explained looking at the floor as he talked. You grabbed his chin and kissed him. - Sorry baby, I didn't know that. I assure you that no matter your looks, I'll always want you. - your arms were around his neck, resting on his left shoulder. You put your head next to his. After a bit, you ate breakfast and asked him to follow you to the living room. He waited for you there as you went into another room in the house and soon appear with your acoustic guitar. You sat on the couch and he pulled a chair to sit in front of you as you prepared to play something. - When I was in LA, I wrote you a song. I tried to speak a little bit your language, cowboy. -you said winking at him and made him laugh. - Really? - he asked excitedly. - Yes. I hope you like it. - you said and started to play the song for him.

Smooth talkin', so rockin' He's got everything that a girl's wantin' He's a cutie, he plays it groovy And I can't keep myself from doin' somethin' stupid Think I'm really fallin' for his smile Yeah, butterflies when he says my name Hey! He's got somethin' special He's got somethin' special And when he's lookin' at me I wanna get all sentimental He's got somethin' special He's got somethin' special I can hardly breathe somethin's tellin' me Tellin' me maybe he could be the one He could be the one, he could be the one He could be the one, he could be the one He could be the one He's lightnin', sparks are flyin' Everywhere I go he's always on my mind and I'm goin' crazy about him lately And I can't help myself from how my heart is racin' Think I'm really diggin' on his vibe He really blows me away, hey! He's got somethin' special He's got somethin' special And when he's lookin' at me I wanna get all sentimental He's got somethin' special He's got somethin' special I can hardly breathe somethin's tellin' me Tellin' me maybe he could be the one He could be the one, he could be the one He could be the one, he could be the one He could be the one And he's got a way of makin' me feel Like everything I do is perfectly fine The stars are aligned when I'm with him And I'm so into it! He's got somethin' special He's got somethin' special And when he's lookin' at me I wanna get all sentimental He's got somethin' special He's got somethin' special I can hardly breathe somethin's tellin' me Tellin' me maybe he could be the one He could be the one, he could be the one He could be the one, he could be the one He could be the one

Henry couldn't stop smiling. He was so happy and you were over the moon knowing that it was you who made him feel that way. Seeing him so happy was the best feeling in the world. - I don't know what I like the most: the song or your voice? Mmm, let's called it a tie. - I'm glad you like it. - I loved it. - he assured you - So tell me, do you really think I could be "the one"? - he questioned, raising one eyebrow and putting and puppy face. - I think you are the one. - you replied. - I feel the same way about you.- he kissed you. Then, he sat on the couch and you used his thighs to sit on. You kissed for a little bit and then just caressed each other and talked for a bit about things like video games, the music you were working on while quarantining and his hobbies of painting little action figures of his favourite online game. After a bit of silence, you got lost on your train of thoughts. He also believed you were the one for him. Something inside of you told you it was time to confess to him that you've been postponing since you two became a thing. You sighed and decided to let it out. - Babe, there's something we need to talk about.- you said sweetly but let him know that was a serious topic. - Sure, is there something wrong? he asked worriedly. - You want to be a dad, right? - you put it as a question, but it was more a statement rather than a question. - Yes, I'd like to have kids, why do you ask? - I knew it since the beginning. With you is obvious that you want that and that someday you'll be an amazing dad. - you said and then paused for a minute while he looked at you confused - I've never wanted to be a mother. Kids were never part of my future and I don't let me get started in the idea of being pregnant, it scares the shit out of me. - you finally admitted. - I wanted to tell you about the beginning but then I really liked you and wanted to be with you. I didn't know that we actually would become a couple later on the road. And I like you so bad that I was afraid you would leave me, so I couldn't find the courage to tell you. - Henry remained silent. He didn't seem mad at you for not talk to him about it earlier; he was just trying the process the information and also he looked sad. You grabbed his chin and made him look at you.- It's crazy how in one month and a half you change my world completely. I like you so much. I know that we have a long road to ride, if we remain together, so we'll still have to get to know each other better to be 100% sure that the other is "the one" for us. I knew that, but I also knew that the kids thing was something important, so I've been thinking about it, a lot. I've questioned myself is motherhood is something I could do someday. Since I started to think about it, there's a picture -well, is more a scene than a picture- that keep popping in my head: A big garden on autumn, with the leafs falling from the trees and there's you, playing superheroes with a little kid, our kid. Kal is with you two. And me, inside the house, sipping hot tea while I watch you from the window with a smile in my face. Every time that scene appears on my head, I smile; I feel truly happy. But when I think about I'm still sitting on the fence. I think it could be something I would like to do with you, but I have to be completely sure. It isn't just about me or you, there's another life involved in this decision. So the reason I'm telling you all this is because I wanted to ask you to give me some time. I wanna go through all of this in therapy to know for sure I'll make what's best for everyone. If someday I realized I cannot do it, I'll step aside and let you go and find the person who can give you that. I'd never take that away from you. I hope that is me if we still are together, but if not, I'll let you go. But to know all of this, I need time. Do you think you could give that to me? I understand if you want to end this here because you want to be now with someone who's sure about wanting children, though. - you finished. There was a moment of silence. Henry was looking again at the floor, thinking. After a minute, he finally spoke. - That scene. I want it. With you. - he replied and looked into your eyes.- If you tell me that there's even a small possibility that someday that could be a reality, I assure you that I'll give you all the time you need. -he said and stroke your cheeks. You smiled at him and shared a sweet kiss.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x reader #demivampirew

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the-fit--teacher · 4 years ago

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Lessons learned in 2020

1. Be radically honest with yourself.

I learned that I needed to be honest and realistic about what sacrifices I was willing to make in order to achieve and maintain long-term weight loss. For a long time, I held on to the idea that I had to do keto because it worked so well for me before. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months, had tons of energy, and my skin was the clearest it's ever been. However, it was nearly impossible to eat a satisfying meal in a restaurant as someone who is both low-carb and a vegetarian. I also realized that I am not willing to give up black beans, bananas, chocolate, and pasta for the rest of my life. Keto is an excellent tool for weight loss, but it isn't something I pereonally would be willing to do forever. It's better to accept that I am going to eat "less healthy" foods like chocolate sometimes and find ways to slowly reduce the amount that I eat to a reasonable level.

I also learned to be honest with myself when tracking my food. It took me until late September this year to realize why I was losing little to no weight: I wasn't tracking all of my binges. I would pre-track my "ideal day" in MyFitnessPal and stick to the planned foods all day, only to overeat by 500+ calories after dinner. I would feel ashamed of myself for messing up and wouldn't bother logging the binge. This made it easy to underestimate how often my binges were happening. Once I started tracking them, I realized I was binging 2-4 times per week! Even if I ate at a deficit on the other days, I was erasing my progress with my binge eating. Now that I can see easily when it happens, I am much more mindful and focus on strategies to reduce their frequency, and I now only binge about twice per month.

2. Focus on reducing binges first, then you can work on eating at a deficit.

Trying to eat at a deficit when you have a binging problem will only make matters worse. It's better to focus on maintaining your weight for a while and work on strategies that will prevent you from binging. For me personally, my binges usually happen when I am emotionally overwhelmed, bored, or drunk. They also almost always happen in the evenings and on weekends, when I don't have structured time. What I've been doing is finding ways to manage my emotions more healthily, as well as fill the time between dinner and bed. Before, I would eat dinner and then watch TV until it was time to go read in bed. Now I wash dishes, go for a walk (even if it's walking in place in front of the TV), do a skincare routine, and play a video game for a while. This, in addition to avoiding alcohol and making sure I eat at least 80-100g of protein per day, has reduced my binging enough that I can consistently eat at a deficit most days.

4. Know your minimum habits.

When I think back to what has caused me to gain weight in the past, it's that I completely abandoned my healthy habits whenever I was going through something difficult or stressful. My mindset was that if I couldn't do everything optimally, there was no point in trying all. This all-or-nothing mindset caused me to gain back much of the 54 pounds I lost before my first seizures happened in 2018. I was forbidden to do strenuous exercise and wasn't allowed to drive myself, so getting groceries was challenging. I was so frustrated with not being able to run or to visit multiple stores to get the keto ingredients I was accustomed to that I didn't bother just walking instead, or just tracking the food I had and eating at maintenance calories. If I had done that, I probably would have maintained my weight rather than putting back on 30 pounds.

You have to accept that life is going to throw you curveballs, like health problems, breakups, or deaths of loved ones. No matter what, these things WILL happen, and giving up on all of your healthy habits won't help anyone. Therefore, you need to know what your minimum habits are, the things you will do NO MATTER WHAT is going on in your life. This way when difficult things happen, you are hitting the "pause button" and maintaining your weight rather than going backwards and gaining weight.

For me, my minimums are tracking 100% of what I eat, getting 5000 steps, and doing 50 squats. I know that if I'm being mindful of what I eat and at least doing a small amount of activity, that will go a long way towards making sure that I don't undo all of my hard work.

Note: I owe a lot of these changes in mindset to the Half Size Me podcast, which is aimed more towards middle-aged and older women; however, its message is simple and universally applicable: *You* are all you need to lose weight. Start where you are now, accept yourself as you are, and make small incremental changes that you can realistically and happily maintain for the rest of your life. Let go of the idea of "perfection" because you and your life will never be perfect. (This is all common sense, and I understood this before, but the host Heather puts this into concrete and easy-to-implement terms.)

#about me #weight loss #personal

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theresa-of-liechtenstein · 4 years ago

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3, 7, 19, 20 for the writer ask thing!

sure!! here you go <3

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

The incredibly cheesy ending scene to the epistolary novel I’ll never write (which I described here), which is the only scene that will be written in anything other than a text message, a handwritten note, or otherwise. i will not provide any context x but yes this is a coming-of-age story. it’s supposed to be a subversion of the usual archetypal american high school story tho

Seeing that her parents and Lucas’ were most likely gearing up to converse for the rest of Time itself, Lou decided to traipse around the field for the last time.

Excusing herself, she stepped away from the group. For a fleeting second, she watched Lucas in animated conversation with Martin. [nothing to do with cabin pressure martin, may i remark; it was just a conveniently two-syllable name] There would be time, at least in the next few months or so, for them to talk about what came next.

Tonight would not be that time.

Adjusting her mortarboard cap, she walked away, heading for the bleachers. She hadn’t spent time here for the last four years. As she climbed the metal steps and chose a seat high above the field, she realized just how far she’d come since then.

The thin yellow robe was no shield for the chill setting in. Gathering it about her as she sat, she sighed and propped her feet up on the metal seat in front of her.

Her thoughts flew over the past four years. Much had remained the same. She still saw herself in the mirror every day. Her integrity had never been compromised; for the most part, she was fundamentally the same.

But in others, she was not and never would be—and those changes would be difficult to quantify.

She sighed again.

“Thinking deep thoughts, Lou?”

Lou whipped her head up and gasped. “Otto Rhee!”

He stood next to her, silhouetted against the setting sun. He looked supremely awkward in an ill-fitting shirt and tie. Lou hadn’t seen him in about a year. To her great relief, her friend, had managed to stay just the same as before, as always. At least in appearance.

“Congratulations, Lou,” he said. “You’ve made it.” As he usually did, he sat next to her without asking. Lou made room for him on the bleacher, adjusting her voluminous outfit as she did so.

They looked out over the field in companionable silence, and somehow Lou knew that Otto—Otto who could have been a brother to her, Otto who was a brother to her in all the ways that mattered—was seeing the same things on that field. Four years of elongated snapshots, a moment stretched almost too long. UN conferences and dinners in fast-food joints, honors history class. Standing in the deserted road, where the weeds grew between the cracks, and screaming at the sky. And in every microcosm [it was literally midnight, i couldn’t be bothered to use that word properly] there they were. Always the three of them. Otto and Martin and Lou, racing down empty hallways, biking to Cassidy’s around the corner, scaring each other when they stayed too late at school, the lights gone out and everyone else gone. Significant looks, texts sent across the room.

The way all three of them—Otto to Lou to Martin and back around—when they had asked what they shared in common.

Lou looked sidelong and Otto, and Otto at her.

The spell broke, and they were sitting together again—just Lou and Otto, Otto and Lou.

They stared at each other once more before simultaneously saying, “Martin!”

And indeed, Martin was running up the bleachers towards them, his black robe billowing in the breeze. Lucas pounded up the steps, not far behind.

Lou and Otto rose to meet them, and they all smiled.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Detail-oriented. I have to describe everything or it just doesn’t work. “Show not tell” was always my least favorite rule (though I have always tried my best to follow it!) because I’m telling you a story, not making a movie! Oral storytelling made up a lot of my childhood, and I should hope it shows in my style.

also my dialogue feels kind of punchy sometimes, I rarely have people talk in drawn out sentences bc im the only person i know who talks that way unless it’s important they do so.

i’m not making it up, people have told me these things in some form or another (mostly in the form of getting penalized for telling rather than showing)

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

I have a habit of using fragments far too often. And em dashes. i also can never leave out the wind. if i don’t talk about the wind at some point, consider it a forgery /s

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

i wrote a novel about power as a little project earlier this year to distract myself >.< and it was a lot of practice at negative character development; I mean where the character ends up becoming worse at the end of the narrative instead of better, but I don’t know if there’s an actual word for that haha. it didn’t cross my mind until after I’d written it, though!

that novel was about the price of selling off your soul in order to obtain power. it was set in a political setting to push that point. the protag started off with a humble beginning. but spoiler alert, the protag gets the power she desires at the end of the novel. the clincher is that she does so at a steep cost. nobody respects her anymore; they only fear her. her best friend, sister, and younger brother distance themselves from her and she’s basically alone at the end of the novel, except for the people who have the same thirst for power as she does. the methods that she’s used to gain that power are also INCREDIBLY ethically questionable, and the only way she managed to wiggle free of those was her privilege (as my favorite character pointed out while submitting a resignation letter, which is one of the more satisfying scenes I’ve ever written)

it’s also a cautionary tale because the protag and her closest cronies check all the boxes for what people of a certain ideological bent would consider an “inclusivity win.” sure, she ends up in a really high position of power, but it’s not really a win after all because of all the heads she had to step on to get there. again, i really didn’t think hard about it until i had finished and started re-reading (and even now it sounds like the novel is much cooler than it really is: it was written over the course of three months and it shows!) and once i sent it off to some of the people who asked me to read it, it was immensely obvious how echo-chamber-y the discussion of representation and power can get. for example, one person immediately assumed i was holding the protag up as the very inclusivity win she is not (this person literally asked me, “Did you base Aileen’s leadership off of yours?” HELL to the NO! i was literally bout to SCREAM. as a person aileen is pretty decent and i could vibe with her, but as a politican aileen is morally bereft!!) but that could just be the weakness of my writing in retrospect

but i want to close with two extracts from robert bolt’s A Man for All Seasons, which I couldn’t put in the epigraph because it isn’t in the public domain and it also might be too long.

MORE: In matters of conscience, the loyal subject is more bounden to be loyal to his conscience than to any other thing.

CROMWELL: And so provide a noble motive for his frivolous self-conceit!

MORE: It is not so, Master Cromwell—very and pure necessity for respect of my own soul.

CROMWELL: Your own self, you mean!

MORE: Yes, a man’s soul is his self! ...

MORE (Looking into Rich’s face, with pain and amusement): [...] Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world... but for Wales!

#em speaks #skatingthinandice #long post /

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7-wonders · 6 years ago

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As Above, So Below Ch. 14

Summary: Your average, mundane life as a college student is flipped upside down when the man you thought you knew as your next-door neighbor turns out to be the God of the dead. When Michael lures you down to Hell, everything that you thought you knew about the world is proven wrong.

Word Count: 2800

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! We’re getting to the climax of this story, slowly but surely (sorry this is posted so late it’s been a hectic week). Feedback is always appreciated, and if you liked this chapter please reblog or leave me a comment!

There’s truly nothing like successfully descending to Hell and back to boost your ego. You only manage to get a couple of hours of sleep before the excitement of knocking out the rest of the Wonders forces you up. Madison’s obviously not pleased to see you out so soon after she sent you to rest, but you’ve assured her that you’re fine and more than ready to get this over with. Surprisingly, it’s your uncle that is the last to enter the large library. He’s dressed impeccably, wearing an ascot fastened with a brooch like he’s going to a fancy dinner instead of administering a test. The dark eyeliner that he’s so fond of lines his eyes, making the already-startling color pop more.

“Warlocks always take so long to get ready.” Madison scoffs, rolling her eyes while appraising John Henry’s outfit. “At least you clean up well, unlike some of the others I know.”

John looks extremely shocked, and you’re sure that you look the same. Madison actually complimenting one of the dreaded warlocks? Surely this must be the first sign that the apocalypse is here.

“Maybe I can give you some tips, my Lady.” John mocks, smirking while Madison glares at him.

“I have thousands of years worth of fashion under my designer belt but thanks.” She snips, hands on her hips to prove her assertiveness. “(Y/N), let’s start the final three tests now that we’re all here.”

“What’s the first test?”

“Transmutation.” Your lips twitch at the first image that pops into your mind.

“Transforming into a mutant? I thought I was doing witchcraft, not joining the X-Men.” You can’t help but to laugh at your own joke, the hilarity only increased by the exasperated look on Madison’s face.

“I don’t know what an ‘X-Men’ is, and I don’t really care to find out. Think of transmutation like teleporting.” Madison directs you to stand over by the wall as she and John Henry converse quietly.

Your uncle holds his hands up, conjuring two items in thin air: a knife and a brick. Furrowing your eyebrows, you look between the two to see if you can discern what each weapon is going to be used for. They both stare back at you stoically, and you rub your palms against your jeans when you realize that they’re suddenly sweaty with nerves.

“Um, what are those for?” You ask.

“Motivation.” John Henry responds.

Before you can further question him, he flings his hand towards you, the brick flying in your direction. Your eyes widen and you let out a squeak of fear. Apparently practice does help to hone skills, since you barely have to think about the spot on top of the staircase before you feel a tugging sensation right above your navel. You land at your designated spot, knees buckling slightly from the impact. The brick smashes into the space against the wall that your head occupied mere milliseconds before. You smile widely when they turn to look at you, but your sassy sentence dies in your mouth when John repeats the action with his other hand.

A knife is a lot more deadly than a brick, and the deadly precision with which John throws it makes it impossible for you to slip up. It’s also flying towards you much quicker than the previous object, giving you absolutely no time to actually think about where you want to go. All you think is that you want across the room, disappearing right as the point of the knife is an inch away from your chest. This time, you reappear behind both Madison and John. Tapping their shoulders, you jokingly pout when they turn around.

“Uncle, I thought you loved me! How could you attempt to kill me?” You say dramatically, placing a hand over your heart.

“I assure you, I only threw those at you because I knew that you were more than capable of dodging them.”

“Are you ready for the next Wonder, (Y/N). I can always throw some fire at you if you want to really make sure that you have transmutation down.” Madison says.

“Madison, was that a joke?” Madison’s M.O. has always been sarcasm, not straight-up jokes.

“You tell anybody about this and I will throw fire at you.” She threatens, but there’s a twinkle in her eye that lets you know she’s only kidding. “Your second-to-last task will be divination, which is using your supernatural abilities to obtain knowledge of any kind.”

“There are multiple ways to divine knowledge, but we figured that scrying would be the best option.” John Henry steps in.

“What’s scrying?” You ask.

“Scrying is using a reflective surface to gain the desired knowledge. For this exercise, we’ll just be using the mirror.” He gestures towards the floor-length mirror that stands in the corner, ornate gold carvings surrounding the surface. “Hecate, if you would be so kind as to tell (Y/N) the item that she will be finding today.”

“Do you remember the silver flowers you wore in your hair the night of the Underworld’s ball?” She waits for you to nod before continuing. “I’ve hidden those somewhere in this building. Using the mirror, I’d like you to tell me the exact location of these flowers.”

You step in front of the mirror, Madison and John Henry moving to the sides so as not to impede your vision. Taking a deep breath to clear your mind, you imagine the flowers that adorned your hair what feels like a lifetime ago. How dainty they are, the cool silver as you brushed a hand through your hair, how carefully Desa threaded them in for you. Then, you let the tendrils of your magic reach through the mirror. You stare intensely through the surface, watching as it wavers like a lake when a rock gets tossed through the water. Instead of the hiding spot of the flowers, though, the mirror darkens along with the edges of your vision. It feels like your eyes are being drawn into the scene even though you’re not moving at all. All you can see is what’s slowly being revealed in front of you.

A blood-red sky hangs above the scene, smoke rising from the ground and blurring everything that you can see. Your heart pounds when the smoke clears enough for you to see the same throne made of bones that terrorized your last nightmare in the Underworld. Ravens continue to circle above it, calling to each other in a language you can’t understand. You’re not really sure you want to understand it, not with the way these birds are glaring at everything that moves. Even worse, the cracked white face and coal-black eyes that make up Michael’s demonic alter ego are prevalent as he lounges on the throne, looking entirely uninterested at what’s going on around him.

It’s like you’re watching a TV show, but you’re the main character. Another you is forced to your knees on the cracked marble floor, the throne rising up ahead. Red blooms on the white fabric that covers your abdomen, the spot growing larger with every passing second. When you cough, blood spills out of your mouth and dribbles down your chin. Satan stands proudly behind Michael’s throne, pulling himself to his full height since there’s no roof to stop him.

“Do it.” Satan growls. His voice reverberates throughout the room, almost like there’s speakers hanging in multiple spots on the walls.

“Michael, please don’t.” The other you pleads, hands pressing against the wound in order to try and stop the bleeding.

“This is your destiny, my son. Kill the girl.” Michael stares at you for a long moment, but the look in his eyes is impossible to figure out with the lack of color.

Invisible demons are chattering from all around you, yelling and snarling in what you think is Latin. The noises reach a crescendo when Michael stands, producing a blade from inside his cloak. The you on the ground shakes the closer he gets, tears welling up in your eyes from fright. His hand tangles in your hair, and you let out a yell when he yanks you up towards him. Smirking, he curls his lip in disgust when you start audibly crying.

“P-please Michael.” You whimper, gripping his arm tightly. “I love you.”

Michael’s silent for a long moment, and you almost start to think you’ve gotten through to him. His fingers twirl the knife around, a telltale sign that he’s thinking about something. His smirk, however, widens into a feral grin.

“What a pity.” He tuts.

With one swift motion, he turns you so that your back is against your chest. It’s a presentation, you realize, a way to show his father that he’s fulfilling these ‘grand’ plans.

“Don’t do this!” You cry.

“Power in your name, Father, and may you rise from the void!” With that, Michael takes the knife and slices your neck open.

A single, wet gasp escapes your mouth as blood gushes out of the cut. Your heart tries to send more blood to the wound in an attempt to clot it, but that only makes you lose blood faster. It coats the front of the once-white sundress that you were wearing, and you’re horrified to watch yourself die.

“Ave Satanas!” Michael calls out as lightning flashes across the sky and thunder booms. Once he’s sure that you’re completely dead, he tosses your body to the ground like a discarded napkin.

You’re pulled back abruptly, the suddenness of the bright lights making you squint your eyes in pain. There’s a high-pitched screaming echoing through the room, and it takes you a moment to realize that it’s yours. The arms wrapped around you pull you to the ground, holding you tightly in an attempt to sedate you.

“(Y/N)! What happened?” A low voice, that you recognize as John Henry’s, says in your ear.

“Holy shit, you’re bleeding out of your eyes.” Madison notes from where she’s crouched in front of you. When you glance at yourself in the mirror, you see that she’s right. Red streaks down your face, coating your eyelashing in a thick mascara of blood.

“I...it was like that nightmare that I had in the Underworld, the one where Michael was sitting on a throne of bones and eating my heart while Satan stood behind him? Only this time, I watched him kill me. He slit my throat.”

“Here, let’s get you cleaned up.” Madison looks at John, who stands and leaves the room to presumably grab a cloth.

“Why did that happen?” You stare at Madison with wide eyes. How did a simple task spiral into something like this?

“Some people, when attempting scrying, have...I don’t want to say visions, because what you saw is not going to happen. They can see possible futures.” Madison explains gently, taking the wet cloth from John and muttering her thanks.

“So I saw the future?” Holy shit, maybe I am an X-Man, you think to yourself.

“A possible future. There’s a million different things that factor into the probability of a future, creating an endless amount of futures. This doesn’t mean that Michael is going to kill you and start the end of the world, but it’s always been a possibility.” She takes great care in not hurting you when she wipes the blood off of your face, especially when she gets close to your eyes.

“Michael wouldn’t kill me though, right? Even...even if his father corrupted him?”

“Michael wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did. Satan would literally have to possess him and carry it out through him in order for Michael to even think about that.” The vision that is still seared into your head is pretty jarring, but the knowledge that Michael was overjoyed to see you just hours ago reassures you that Madison’s right.

“I don’t want to try divination again. I’d rather fail the Seven Wonders than have to look in that mirror for information.”

“You passed.”

“What?” You and John Henry both say at the same time, looking up at Madison in confusion.

“Divination is divining knowledge through supernatural means. You had a vision about the end of the world through looking into a mirror, thus divining the knowledge.”

“Well, definitely never going to use a mirror again if I have to divine something.” You say after a long pause. Madison and John both laugh at your response.

“That’s perfectly okay. Never has any magical being gotten visions from looking at rocks to find knowledge.” John explains.

“If I have it my way, I won’t be doing any divining.” You joke, hugging your knees to your chest. Madison waves her hand, making the now-bloody cloth disappear.

“(Y/N), I know that this was very traumatic for you, so if you would like to suspend testing to rest, we can. But, you do only have one more Wonder to complete.” Madison stands, pulling you to your feet as well.

“What’s the last one?” You ask.

“Vitalum Vitalus.”

“The gift of resurgence.” John Henry fills in when he notices your confusion. “This Wonder involves perfectly balancing the scales between life and death to bring something back to life.”

“Not even Michael can successfully complete this. Seeing as how the prophecy stated that you will be the bridge between the living and the dead, I believe that this will be your most powerful gift.” Madison says.

“Oh God, please don’t do anything fucked up like kill my uncle and make me bring him back.” You roll your eyes.

“Now where would you ever get an idea like that?”

“Hmm, maybe from the fact that you’d love nothing more than to kill a warlock.” You chuckle when Madison smirks, acknowledging defeat.

“Well, we’ll have to find something here that’s dead.”

“It’s a school for warlocks, we keep animals here specifically for this reason.” John Henry interjects, huffing at Madison’s antics before walking out of the room.

You’re anxious, wanting to get this last test over with so you can either reunite with Michael in the Underworld or go back to your home and cry about everything you’ve lost. Sure, you may still have magic, but what use are these gifts if you can’t use them to help save the world? It doesn’t take long for John to return to the room, but by then you’re already up and pacing. He sets the shoebox in his hands down on the table, beckoning you towards him. When you peek into the box, you can’t help but to gasp.

A small rabbit lies dead, nestled on a bed of tissue paper. When you tentatively reach out to touch it, you can feel that it’s still warm.

“Did you kill it?” You ask, an image flashing through your mind of your uncle strangling the helpless creature. John blanches at your expression, awkwardly clearing his throat and avoiding eye contact.

“Bring it back to life.”

Cupping your hands under the rabbit’s body, you shudder as you lift it out of the box. Its body is limp, rigor mortis not yet setting in. Closing your eyes, you focus on the warmth you still feel emanating from the corpse. You imagine the rabbit hopping around, twitching its little nose and suckling from a water bottle in the cute way that all rabbits do. You’re not sure how you know what to do, but something from deep inside you tells you to take a deep breath in before letting it out slowly.

Nothing happens at first. You keep your eyes closed, still focusing on sheer will to bring the rabbit back to life. When you feel the shifting of fur in your palms, you finally open your eyes. The rabbit’s still laying still in your hands, and it takes a moment for you to notice the faint movement as it breathes. Your face lights up when its ears twitch, and you let out a disbelieving laugh when it sits up and stares at you. You don’t know how to react to this situation, so you gently place the rabbit back in the box before looking up at the two who have proctored your tests.

John Henry’s in disbelief, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Madison just looks extremely pleased, ‘I told you so’ written all over her face. You’re kind of in disbelief yourself, at the moment. Honestly, for everything that completing the Seven Wonders was hyped up to be, it’s more than a little underwhelming now that you’ve actually completed them. You were expecting fireworks to go off and for your hands to start glowing. Nothing’s changed, you don’t feel any different, yet the mere knowledge that you hold this amount of magical abilities somehow changes everything.

Tag List: @nana15774 @sammythankyou @queencocoakimmie @let-me-try-mom @trimbooohgodplsnoooo @lichellaw@sebastianshoe@pastel-cloudz @ultragibbycentralworld @grim-adventures58@dandycandy75 @alexcornerblog @dolceandchalamet @everything-is-awesomesauce @langdonslove@ccodyfern@consultingsnowqueen @readsalot73 @jimmlangdon@sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @hplotrfan @omg-hellgirl@gallxntdean@storminmytwistedmind @venusxxlangdon@langdonsdemon@kahhlo @americanhorrorstudies@antichristwrites@xxxmaterialistic @forgetting5sos@sadsadiesworld @michaelsapostle @izuniias

#michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon imagines #michael langdon imagine #american horror story #american horror story imagine #American horror story apocalypse #ahs imagine #AHS #ahs apocalypse #hades and persephone au #Michael Langdon au

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bluehhj · 5 years ago

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listen to me — chapter 29

LISTEN TO ME — 0029

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 1.5K

Jisung hated many things in life, from peas to those stupid math problems we learn in elementary school, but he could tell, with all certainty the world, that seeing sad Jinah had become the worst of them, reaching the top of the list.

Oh, God! Han was accustomed to seeing her always smiling, twisting his patience or making some joke, not holding up that dejected expression. It was in these moments that he realized that Choi, gradually, became more and more important in his life, so that, for Jisung to feel good, it was necessary that the girl was in a similar situation. Part of the boy was afraid of the way things were going, but it was enough one of those smiles that only Jinah could give to put a momentary end to all his hesitations. That late afternoon, however, the life-saving smile wasn't present for a second.

"JinJin," — he called cautiously, his voice taking a little longer than necessary to penetrate the other's ears and bring Choi back from her swirl of thoughts. They were sitting at a cafeteria table, though Jisung didn't even like coffee. But Jinah liked it and that was what mattered. — "Stop thinking about what that guy told you. It's been three days since you've been like this."

Jinah looked down at the practically untouched cappuccino and sighed softly. She didn't want to — nor did she think she should — be that way, but it was a sense of anguish too strong for her to control.

"I'm afraid..." — she confessed in a murmur, and Jisung could only understand it because he read her lips.

"Never that he's going to touch you, you don't have to be afraid."

"But I'm not the problem" — Jinah looked up and stared at the boy's dark irises, overflowing with an urgency he had never witnessed before. — "It's you, Jisung. Minhwan is the last person I trust in the world. If anything happened, I'd never forgive myself and-..." — she was interrupted by the touch of the boy's hand in hers. Jinah watched Han's fingers interlock with hers and sighed a second time, wondering inwardly why it was so hard.

It was a simple and quick solution: if she severed all ties with Jisung, she'd rid him of many problems and end half of her worries, if it weren't for simply being unable to see herself living in a world far from the acid company who she fought so hard to have next to her.

From another angle, Jisung understood Jinah and everything she was feeling at that moment, for he was a good listener when, a few days ago, Choi had decided to vent not only superficially, but about everything.

According to her reports, Minhwan had been her first love of adolescence and he hadn't always meant something so dark in her life. The two of them matched like no one in the first few months, though Jinah knew that his fame had never been very good, but she wasn't the type who believed in other people's conclusions, since she preferred to meet someone on her own to listen to the comments that came in the corners. And contrary to what many people said, Choi, at first, was astonished by Minhwan's sweetness and grace, so she was even disgusted when she heard someone say that Kim was no good and that she should be careful. However, as the months went by and the passion was replaced by overwhelming jealousy, Jinah regretted bitterly that she hadn't relied on the advice of her parents and friends.

It wasn't a hundred percent abusive relationship, but Minhwan refused to accept the end of the relationship, using the people Choi loved as a threat. Son of a not-so-well-credited policeman in the town, it cost him nothing to gain access to a quantity of weapons an ordinary person would never have, what intimidated everyone around him and brought him an oppressive image. There were countless people who stopped talking to Jinah by force, all because her ex-boyfriend didn't allow Choi to have friends and share her life with someone other than himself.

It was painful to wake up in the morning and see angry expressions on the bruised faces — usually at dawn — and to know that she was, indirectly, the cause of every black eye and bruise; Jinah couldn't stand it any longer. In the course of the day, she ended up isolating herself from almost everyone she had contact with, gaining time until she figured out what she'd do to put an end to that hell, since simply denouncing him wouldn't do much, since his father would always cover up his bullshit in one way or another.

The fuse was when Minhwan, after having another one of his jealous crises, tried to discount the anger on Jinah's mother, something the girl, not even in a million years, would allow. Mrs. Choi had only been threatened and intimidated by the muzzle of the revolver when she was returning from the market, but it was that Jinah lost all the self-control she had been gathering up to that moment and ignored her fear of her ex-boyfriend — because she also was constantly threatened —, leaving for a grosser way of settling things, since this seemed to be the only language Minhwan understood. This had been the first time that Minhwan had beaten Jinah, and although it was tragic and humiliating, served to alert the neighbors, who, tired of witnessing all that violence and remaining silent, summoned the police and, gathering a good number of witnesses, not even the father of Minhwan was able to prevent the arrest of the son.

After the final occurrence, Jinah's parents advised her to leave the city and try a new life somewhere else. At first, the girl refused, fearing that, when the cause of all that torment came out of jail, would do something wrong with the two most important people in her life, yet, the fact was that the couple was very dear to all the neighborhood, and from that day on, the neighbors said that, if Minhwan ever set foot in that neighborhood, mainly to bother the Chois, he wouldn't go back to prison, but to the hospital or worse. Even with her heart pounding, Jinah was persuaded with much insistence and finally reached peace in Seoul, had it not been for the nightmare to return in order to take her sleep again.

Jisung just wanted to be able to remove all that anguish from her heart.

"We're going to find a psychologist for you," — he said slowly, trying to get as calm and secure as he could. — "I know it sounds kind of ironic, but I also know that you know how to deal with someone else's problems, not yours. Then let's contact the police. By the way, we should've done that last thing the first day."

"Jade also said that..." — Jinah replied dispassionately. — "But, the last time, Minhwan was in jail for so little time, who assures me it's going to work now?"

"Big city, JinJin, things are different around here."

"Even so, I don't even have proof, it won't do."

"That's why we need a psychologist" — Jisung referred to the way the girl was restless. He didn't take her point, but, if he was sure of something, was that acting like that did nothing but make things worse. — "In those cases, you need to stay calm and think rationally. I bet you've studied something like that."

Jinah nodded. She really knew what she should and shouldn't do, so much so that the idea of paying to hear something that was already well-impregnated in her mind sounded stupid, but maybe she needed someone to decipher her more than she herself had tried.

"I just wanted to forget this subject once and for all and continue living my life."

"You will" — Jisung smiled slightly and squeezed the girl's hand, which was still entwined with his. — "This is just another bad phase that life gives us as a gift and I promise to be with you until it passes in. Or rather, I promise to stay until after it passes as well."

"You shouldn't tell me that sort of thing" — Jinah managed to smile similarly to the boy. — "The risks of me falling in love more are bigger than I consider healthy."

"You say things so naturally, that amazes me" — Jisung could read between the lines. If Jinah, a few time ago, had told him indirectly that she was already in love with him, Han would probably have lost half of his neurons, but, at that moment, the only thing he felt was a warm hug in his heart. There's no way to understand.

"I'm just sincere" — Jinah shrugged. — "And you're taking advantage of my fragility to turn me into a melted butter," — she released Jisung's hands gently, wrapping her cup of coffee and sipping a lukewarm drink.

"You're already a melted butter naturally."

Jinah even opened her mouth to retort, but the truth was so obvious that she had no reason to prove otherwise.

And it wasn't as if Jisung didn't like that little detail, just as he liked everything else as well.

(a/n: such a boring chapter guys :( too bad it was so necessary, i'm sorry

well, i won't be updating so soon in the next few days cause i'll be really busy with college, probably the updates will be only on weekends, ok? i’m sorry.

and tomorrow i'll update again and the love of my life that hasn't yet appeared will be in it. give love to my love!!! and i think you guys will cause he’s the love of many other people too ksjdshs. he's in practically everything i do/write, even if it's just a mention, and if he didn't show up here, it wouldn't be nice of me

and also, i noticed i’ve reached 100 followers like omg!!!!!! srsly i never thought i’d reach it so fast, this is insane, and thanks to all of you, i’d wouldn’t be possible without you guys, thank you so so so much. i really don’t deserve y’all :(

as for a more recent fact, in the last chapter i talked about mingi and, guys, if you guys want, just imagine someone else's body, that was random, ok? i love mingi so much, my 3 meter tall baby, and i'd never put his character in such a ridiculous role, i just used that beautiful face of his as a reference to another character that doesn't really exist. if you guys want to imagine even james corden, that's fine with me

i already said too much, soon this will become a bible. love you and see you tomorrow <3)

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soulofatiny · 6 years ago

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No fear, I’m here... Ch.7: exposed

warning(s): none...for now

word count: 2.9k

a|n: i’m so sorry this took longer than i had expected to write. i hope you’ll enjoy! happy reading <3

tag: @dearmingi , i’m not sure if you still wanted to be tagged but here it is!

Ch.8

masterlist

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Set opened his eyes alertly and carried his body off the top bunk, careful not to wake you from your current slumber on the bottom bunk. The phase two facility always required nap time around midday to assist in promoting brain activity. Set always snuck out during this timeframe once he cautiously inspected the facility’s format and came to the conclusion that security was the lowest during this time.

Now was his chance.

Before he exited out of the door, he looked back one last time at your sleeping figure. The sight of you sleeping so peacefully soothed his heart, taking notice of the blanket that was threatening to fall off of your body and onto the floor.

“Just wait a little longer. I’ll get us out of here,” Set whispered tenderly as he covered you with the blanket once more, then attentively made his way out of his shared bedroom with you.

Set quietly paced through the cold and empty hallways. His heart was pounding against his chest from the pure fear of getting caught one day. Unlike the others who were selected for ZG’s special program, Set lacked deeply in the physical spectrum, making his travel a lot more difficult. He felt a familiar tickle in his throat and he silently begged that it will remain in its place until he at least exited the building. He suppressed the irritation as much as he could and picked up his pace once he saw the double doors that led him outdoors, keeping his steps as noiseless as he could. The cool metal slammed against his palms when he pushed the doors open and as soon as the doors shut behind him, Set erupted into a harsh coughing fit.

��Made it in time…’ he thought to himself as the cough began to cease.

“You made it.”

Set jolted slightly, startled at the voice but was relieved when he turned to see who it was, Wu. The title translated as the Chinese number five, the 5th one that had arrived in the phase two facility out of ten.

“Are you okay? Your coughing sounds worse,” Wu stated, tone lingered with worry.

“I’m- fine,” Set cleared his throat once more, still feeling the prickling tingles in his windpipe.

“Does Professor know?”

Set shook his head.

“How about…Nana…your sister? Does she know?”

“No, and she’ll never know about this,” Set urgently declared, more to himself than to Wu. He knows that Wu wouldn’t be able to tell her anything regardless since no one besides your assigned family member were allowed to speak to each other.

Wu looked down at his feet awkwardly, unable to find the right words but Set broke the silence instead, “Come on. We should go to the fence, I’m sure Seonghwa is waiting.” Wu nodded in agreement and followed Set to the fence that was more like a gated barrier that kept all of the residents locked in place. There were numerous spots where the trees were large enough to keep them hidden from the security cameras. It took Set roughly two years to find these spots, cautious to make sure he wouldn’t get caught. As they walked, they saw a figure that was standing under one of the hidden areas on the other side of the barricade, close enough for them to converse. Once the figure laid his eyes on them, he smiled and waved, “I thought you two wouldn’t make it tonight.”

“Hey Seonghwa, we were fine. I just had to wait for Set,” Wu replied cheekily.

“Set…have you found out about anything else?”

Set nodded slowly and cleared his throat, feeling the familiar tickle again, “Initiation day is nearing. I’ve gone through Professor’s documents while she wasn’t looking…” he fell into silence, incapable of announcing the despairing date as Wu and Seonghwa stared at him, palms clammy due to nerves.

“Initiation d-day is on…October 24th,” he finally announced with a stern look on his face. The two boys’ eyes grew wide upon hearing such a statement.

“T-That’s only one week from now, Set! There’s no way initiation day is that soon!” Wu exclaimed as he shook Set’s shoulders, hoping what he had just heard was simply a mistake but Set only adverted his eyes, indicating that it was true.

“Wu…it’s been three years since the 10th one arrived. The date was clearly written on Professor’s documents. It’s time.”

“Set, Wu… how’s the rest of the residents? Have they fallen into ZG’s psychiatric manipulation? Are there more like you two? How many can we save?” Seonghwa asked a little hesitantly, afraid to actually hear his answer.

“I’ve made sure that Nana still practiced her independent thinking without Professor noticing… so I’m pretty sure that she won’t be manipulated during initiation. As for the rest of them… I think it’s too late…”

The atmosphere instantly became tense and far too heavy. Seonghwa grasped the fence tightly, “Okay…how about you Wu?”

“I’ve tried b-but my assigned family member...” Wu’s voice cracked, “I-It’s too late…” he finally answered as he covered his burning eyes with his arm.

“I see…” Seonghwa sighed, “We were too late…”

Set placed his arm on Wu’s shoulder, trying to provide some sort of comfort during this heavy conversation.

Seonghwa let out a shaky sigh once more and extended his hand as far as he could through the spaces of the fence, as looked at the two boys with a determined look, “I’ll get you both out of there. Nana too. We may have been too late…but we can still save three lives.”

The two boys mirrored Seonghwa and reached for his hand. Seonghwa grasped their hands and met their eyes with resolve, “We recently gained two new members and they know a lot about ZG’s organization. With them and including Hongjoong, we will do everything we can to get you all out of there.”

“Thank you, Seong–“

“Brother, where are you? Professor is looking for us!”

The three boys were startled upon hearing your voice that was at a decent distance but was gradually nearing by.

“Brother! Are you out here?” you called out again and waited to hear a response but was only faced with silence.

You continued to look around and saw two figures standing with another on the other side of the fence. There was no way that an outsider would be near this place since Professor told you before that it was isolated. You rubbed your eyes in disbelief and then looked once more with more focus but only two figures were standing there.

‘I guess it was my imagination,’ you murmured and made your way over to the two figures alertly to see if one of them was Set and you were surprised to find that one of them was, indeed, your brother.

“Brother…” you called out again, a little more timidly this time since you weren’t used to others being so near.

Your brother and the boy turned to you and Set smiled, “Nana, what’s wrong? Why are you out here?”

“Nap time is over. Professor is looking for us…” you answered as you hid behind Set, who chuckled at your action.

“It’s fine, Nana. This is Wu. We were just out here for some fresh air. Say hi.”

You peeked over Set’s shoulder and made eye contact with Wu who was giving you a friendly smile. You finally moved to your brother’s side and bowed your head slightly, “Hello…”

“Hi Nana~ Don’t worry, I was just leaving. Let’s make our little meeting our little secret from Professor~” Wu answered as he placed his hand on top of your hand gently, and then walked back towards the facility.

“Come on, Nana. We should go back too,” your brother suggested and you nodded as you both also headed towards the building.

Seonghwa, who was hiding behind one of the trees, let out a relieved breath, “So that’s Nana.. how cute,” he smiled at the sight of you admiring the sky and then shifted his expression more serious and determination in his eyes, “I promise we’ll get you guys out of there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How is she doing?”

“She seems to be doing better. I’m...really glad she was able to release some of her emotions.” “Me too… it must’ve been suffocating.”

“Well the sooner we get her out of ZG, the better.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa were currently sitting at the boss’ office, sharing updates upon your well-being. Ever since your mental breakdown, Seonghwa had definitely taken notice on how you were distancing yourself from him. He autonomously let out an extensive sigh, exposing the great stress he felt with how he could help break down your walls completely. When he saw you cry on that one stormy day, he felt as if his heart was physically getting ripped out of his chest. Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows upon the memory, feeling his chest tighten. He simply wanted to take your pain away. All of it.

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong called, causing the older boy to take his thoughts elsewhere, “Seonghwa…don’t worry. I don’t intend on dragging this out any longer. It’s time we make our move next.”

Roughly two weeks had passed since you unveiled your vulnerable state to Seonghwa and although you tried your best to remain unchanged, his deep voice kept echoing within your mind.

“I’ll never leave you behind.”

His tone was so clear and vivid. It strangely provided warmth and comfort whenever you felt your anxiousness approaching within you. However, all of your ease disappears whenever you encounter Seonghwa as you, for some reason, couldn’t bear to completely face him. Whether if it was the sheer embarrassment of exposing such vulnerability to him or your usual habit of always expecting the worst...you didn’t know. But instead of pondering upon your feelings, you exerted your main focus on the mission you’ve been assigned by your boss but it’s been gradually getting more difficult to do so. Each phone call you make with your boss about the members, it felt as if thorns were prickling your throat when the words left your mouth. You gazed at the members from the sideline of the training room. Although they occasionally fool around, they all work hard. Even Yeosang, who lacks in the areas of combat, works hard by using his intelligence to improve the team. Or even Hongjoong, their just leader. Although he doesn’t always train with the rest of the members, you know he’s always working on something to advance their organization.

“What can I do to stop all of this...” you unknowingly whispered, your thoughts free from your mind.

“Stop what?”

You looked towards the direction of the voice, completely aware of who it was.

It was Yunho.

He joined you on the benches, sitting next to you. You greeted him, and then took your gaze back at the members.

“So, stop what?” he asked again as he gazed with you.

“It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like it.”

“Does it matter?”

“It does matter if it’s something that’s bothering you.”

You looked at Yunho, a little stunned, “What?”

You couldn’t tell but his heart began beating a little faster the second he accidentally let the words slip out of his mouth.

“N-Nothing, I didn’t say anything.” He replied trying to remain nonchalant to hide his flustered thoughts.

“But you just said it does matter if it’s something that’s bothering m–”

“No. I didn’t,” Yunho replied, a little more defensive.

“But you said–”

“You’re just imagining things! God, you talk too much...”

Yunho covered his mouth as the words fell out of his mouth. He silently cursed at himself for not being able to say what he truly wants to say, ‘Don’t worry about anything by yourself’ or even ‘I’m always here to help’. However, instead of saying the wishful lines, he always said the exact opposite of what he truly wanted to say and he despised himself for it.

“Excuse me?” you looked at him, eyebrow slightly raised.

Yunho panicked and proceeded to say the words that didn’t match with his genuine feelings, “I said you talk too much, Gremlin. What about it?”

“Last time I checked you’re the one who came over here and interrupted my peaceful time,” you stood up abruptly, feeling your body heat up in annoyance and turned to walk away.

Yunho extended his hand to stop you but the memory of you yanking your hand back when he did it in the past flashed through his mind, and he slowly put his hand back to his side.

“Shit...” he cursed at himself for making you angry yet once again and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration with himself.

“Well, that was rough~”

Yunho sighed, not even having to look behind him to know who it was, “I’m sorry I keep pissing your sister off.”

Yeosang sat next to Yunho, replacing where you were sitting earlier as he chuckled, “Is it really that hard to say ‘Hey, I know you probably think I hate you but I actually care about you and I want you to rely on me more’?”

“T-That’s not what I wanted to say,” Yunho could feel his cheeks heat up, frustration and now embarrassment building inside him.

“Oh yeah?” Yeosang nudged Yunho’s arm and continued teasing, “Then was it, ‘I didn’t think I would fall for you but I actually did and don’t know what to do with my feelings’?”

“What?” Yunho stared at him astonished, “Feelings for who? The only feelings I have for her is pure dislike. Remember? I don’t want her here. I never did and I never will.”

The words were harsh but both Yeosang and Yunho himself knew that it was far from the truth. Yunho could feel his friend stared at him in amusement and he deeply wished he could simply shrink away from this situation so he stood up a little hastily to make his escape.

“I just remembered I have something to do.”

“Oh? Suddenly?” Yeosang asked, completely satisfied with the flustered state Yunho was in.

Yunho walked away and gave him a small wave, avoiding to look at him.

“Hey, Yunho! Thanks for at least trying to make her feel better even though you ultimately failed!”

Yunho tripped over his own feet upon hearing Yeosang’s words but finally managed to exit out of the basement with some dignity still left within him although the red hue completely overtook his complexion.

“No…No there’s no way,” he mumbled to himself in disbelief.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stormed out of the basement, anger completely rid from your mind. Deep down, you knew that Yunho only approached you to help despite both of you always clashing in the end. As you were walking down the hallway, you saw Hongjoong walking from the opposite direction.

“Ah, y/n! I was about to call everyone for a meeting. You can go ahead and go to the assembly room. We’ll be there soon.”

A meeting? Was Jongho spending too much money on food again? Or maybe he wanted to talk about Wooyoung’s sleeping habits? You truly couldn’t read the expression on the leader’s face so you simply nodded in agreement as you both parted ways. Upon reaching the assembly room, you knocked three times. A habit that you have formed each time you’ve entered your boss’ office. Shuffling footsteps could be heard on the other side of the door as the door clicks open. Your heart paused for a moment when Seonghwa’s face was revealed as the door opened and if your attentive self was correct, you noticed his eyes widening slightly before clearing his throat and asking you to come in. You mumbled a small thank you and complied, taking a seat on one of the chairs that surrounded an oval table. Certainly, a professional assembly room. Seonghwa closed the door and took a seat that was two spaces from yours, keeping a safe distance.

“You know you didn’t have to knock. You can enter assembly rooms freely.”

“I know…it’s just a ha–”

Your voice was cut off when the door opened once more, revealing Hongjoong and the rest of the members with some chattering as they walked in one by one. You silently thanked the timing for clearing the awkward atmosphere as they each took a seat, except for Hongjoong who remained standing at the very edge of the table.

Yeosang sat next to you, “I can tell this meeting is going to be a serious one.”

You looked at him questionably, “How can you tell?”

“Just from the look on his face,” he whispered.

“Let’s begin,” the leader announced. The room was immediately filled with silence and earned everyone’s attention. Could everyone truly tell that this was going to be a “serious” meeting?

“I’ll cut to the chase,” the leader continued, tone unwaveringly directive, “Y/n.”

You stiffened at the mention of your name as the members including Yeosang turned to face you.

“I know about the secret mission that ZG had assigned to you.”

∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘∘

-e|n: should i release shorter chapters but more often or release longer chapters but not as often??? please let me know! also please anticipate the next chapter. there’s going to be some drama ahead...

#ateez #no fear im here #atzwriters #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #ateez fanfic #soulofatiny masterlist #ateez x reader

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bts-love-sweat-tears · 6 years ago

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The one ring to bind them all, or just a solitary, cranky demon, part 5

Title: The one ring to bind them all (or just a solitary, cranky demon), part 5

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Type: fluff, angst, romance, demon!au, arranged marriage!au, royalty!au, gothic!au

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: literal emotional manipulation, mentions of previous injury, massive amounts of cheese, just a lot of interpersonal drama: jealous boyfriend.

Word Count: 2,435

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4

A/N: I’m sitting here drinking cherry blossom sake and feeling ashamed that it took me so long to post this- I meant to have it out on Halloween for spooky season. But instead I re-wrote it about 50000 times. I’ve been feeling very soft lately, so this got a little more romantic/cheesy than I normally do! Also good luck resisting Jimin, who can literally manipulate emotions. P.S. The Southern Realm is inspired by Southern Spain (think Granada), and the Greek Isles (on my bucket list).

There will definitely be part 6….eventually. I should really focus on gainful employment (sigh….the negative sides of capitalism). Let’s hope the “Keep Reading cut and everything else works. Send me feedback, comments, theories, whatever! I’m grateful for your patient support <3

Yoongi’s arms are secure around you, and his shoulders block out some of the blinding light. You struggle away from his grasp, awaiting the inevitable post-teleportation nausea. But either he was gentler this time, or your body is busy trying to stem the internal bleeding, because it never comes.

Instead of nausea, you were overwhelmed by the brightness around you. After the indeterminate (and seemingly interminable) time you spent in the Western Realms, the Southern realm was positively blinding in its beauty. Around you are blue-domed buildings, contrasted against pristine white walls. Though you have never seen the ocean, you had heard of its existence and can only presume that the glittering expanse you see between the gaps in the buildings must be it. The air smells salty, somehow, and if it weren’t for the pounding in your ribs you might have wondered more at the rhythmic sound of water, which you could only assume were waves.

But the pain forces you to narrow your focus to your more immediate surroundings. You are in some kind of terraced garden. There are fountains filled with tranquil, reflective water, and palm trees swaying in a phantom breeze. The flowers are leafier and more exotic than you could have ever dreamed. A demon of shadows, Yoongi looks tired around the edges of his eyes, but otherwise is as imposing as ever.

Your presence does not go unnoticed, and a young looking boy stands from the chaise lounge where he had been idling. There are others there, but they are seemingly at his disposal, deferring to his every move. Based on this fact alone, you know he is someone important. When he gets up, there is something unmistakeably predatory in his smooth gait, something almost sexual, and you realize that you have just met your next demon prince-Jimin?You try to think back to the endless lessons with Hobi, but all your mind can handle at the moment is the sinister spreading warmth in your rib, Yoongi at your side, and the newcomer in front of you.

As he nears, you realize that his clothes are just as excessive as his garden. His shirt is almost sheer, spun from the finest threads you have ever seen, and his linen pants are immaculate. Combined with his bare feet and the thinnest of gold circlets peeking through his dark locks, the effect is something akin to the angels that had graced the large cathedrals you had been lucky to visit with your father. But you knew from the same, sometimes gruesome, religious art, that angels were more than ethereal beauty and puffy feathers. They were heavenly warriors who could dispense eternal damnation or salvation with only minor inconvenience to themselves.

Jimin turned, eyes glittering. As you suspected, something lethal lingered behind his clear eyes. While you knew that logically you should be cautious, particularly after the reception you had received from Taehyung and Jungkook, all you could feel was warm waves of happiness as you stared into his gaze. Yoongi cleared his throat uncomfortably, but you simply couldn’t tear your eyes from Jimin’s. He moved closer.

Without much warning, he leaned over and placed his hands gently on your ribs. Yoongi’s hands were usually cold, the few times you had touched, but Jimin ran warmer. Still cool, but the faint lingering warmth of the first sunny day after a long and dreary winter. The longer his hands lingered, the more peaceful you felt.

If the garden hadn’t been so quiet, you would have likely missed Yoongi’s sharp intake of breath.

“I’m right here, Jimin. Could you tone it down?” He said, voice tinged with an aggressive edge that you’d heard only rarely.

“Prince Yoongi,” Jimin practically purrs, “do forgive me. It has been positively ages since I’ve encountered a human, let alone healed one- I’d rather be safe than sorry. Particularly with such a pretty patient.” He winked at you and you felt your cheeks warm.

Yoongi humphed, but Jimin ignored him, eyes studiously trained on your ribcage. Under normal circumstances, you would have likely been irritated by both his presumption and the fact that they were talking as though you weren’t even there. But as Jimin continued his ministrations, you felt yourself drift into a deep, peacefully silent sleep. Luckily, Yoongi was there to catch you as you fell.

You awoke to a solid presence at your back. Momentary panic set in, until you hear a familiar raspy voice. Goosebumps raise on your skin, though not entirely from chill.

“Just me, warmheart.”

You roll over slowly, careful not to damage your injured rib. Yoongi is there, eyes dark, but hair smooth. Calm, then, but watchful. You blush, despite months of cohabitation. Old habits die hard, as the saying goes. You think back to your conservative father, and then banish him as quickly as he came.

Yoongi smirks, and gently squeezes your hip in jest. It felt so natural that you hadn’t even noticed that it was there. As though he can read your mind, his voices your embarrassment.

“That’s what bothers you, warmheart? Someone fierce enough to take on the Western demons, and withstand Jimin’s empathy is embarrassed by sharing a bed with your fiancé?”

You smack him lightly. “Don’t say it like that!”

His grin widens. Sometimes, in these quiet moments, you’re in awe of the beautiful boy that resides in the centuries-old demon. You’re not sure if its luck or fate, but you thank whatever forces brought Yoongi into your life.

Yoongi’s face becomes serious. “I missed you, while you were gone. I waited centuries for you, yet only a few days apart was making me crazy.” Now it is his turn to blush, and suddenly you see the appeal of the blushy tropes from your (not-so) secret stash of courtly novels. You are brought back to the present by the grim thought of Yoongi’s displeasure, should he ever find out that you made such a comparison. You know that he would never hurt you, but certain tomes might go missing from the library. A fate truly worse than death.

His gaze can’t meet yours, but his arms have snaked around your back, pulling you closer. “Please don’t waiver in your feelings. I know Jimin is….tempting, but what we have is real.”

“You think me so weak-willed?” You can’t decide whether to be flattered or offended.

You raise your eyebrows but allow him to continue.

“Jimin is an empath-a particularly rare and ancient kind of demon.” You say nothing, unfamiliar with the term, so Yoongi continues. “He has what humans would call charisma, but amplified. Not only can he read someone and understand their feelings, he can actually manipulate them, change them to suit his wishes.”

Your eyes widen slightly, though you’re still lethargic. You wonder if you are witnessing Yoongi jealous for the first time in your blossoming relationship. Instead you ask simply,

“And how is that related to healing?”

“So much of pain is actually mental. In your case, your rib was damaged, but also hurting you was your perception of the pain. You’d have to ask him more-he’s explained it to me, but I never had the patience to understand his lectures. In any case, the mental and the physical are closely linked- he expended more power than was strictly necessary healing you, and I’m not sure what side effects there may be.”

You’re not sure what is making Yoongi so insecure, so you opt to act more boldly than you normally would. You snuggle closer, flush against his front. Your head tucks perfectly under his chin, and your nose rests close to his collarbone. His arms tighten around you and he stills, seemingly finally peaceful. He smells absolutely amazing- earthy but clean. A strange new hunger fills you, but you push it back. Under your ear, you can hear his heartbeat.

Lightening the mood, you crack a joke. “And humans think demons don’t have hearts.”

He scoffs at that, a welcome sound. “Yeah, now if only mine would quit running off and getting into trouble.” You’re grateful once again for the darkness, lest he see how red your face and ears are at the moment. Who knew that he was such an insufferable flirt?

Not trusting your voice you lapse back into silence. Yoongi’s breathing is even and calming. Ever since Jimin’s ministrations the pain in your side has subsided considerably. You can still feel it if you stretch or lean into it, but otherwise it’s hard to believe that Jungkook punched you only this morning. It feels like a million years ago. You ponder the passage of time as you slowly but surely drift off to sleep, tucked up against Yoongi. It feels right,and you have no dreams.

You awake with a start, the moon blindingly bright outside of your window. Really, here, there seems to be very little distinction between outside and inside, and there is no glass separating you from the enticing night-time view. Suddenly restless, you get up, sure not to disturb Yoongi, who is sleeping like the dead, the silent rise and fall of his chest the only thing letting you know that he still lives. You don’t know if he is exhausted from the day or if he is alway like this-it occurs to you that this is the first time you have ever seen him sleeping. In the human world, the two of you had stayed awake at night, getting to know each other. In his house, you had your own wing, though you spent your days together. It’s strange to you how short a period the two of you have known each other, but what scares you more is how quickly his life has become inextricably tied to your own. Realizing that these thoughts won’t allow you any more sleep, you venture into the garden.

The water babbles softly, like something out of a fairytale, but otherwise the terrace is still and silent. The activity of the servants has subsided, as any sane person is asleep. The moon is shining bright enough to illuminate at least a basic outline of most of the garden, and you contemplate whether this can possibly be the same moon from back home. Through the gap in the nearby buildings, you can see the ocean in the distance. You had noticed it earlier, but had been more concerned about your loss of blood. You stare at the diamonds the moon paints in the ripples of the water as it laps the shore somewhere out of sight. It is hypnotizing, and you have no idea how long you’d been staring before you noticed Jimin at your side.

In the darkness, he is little more than a wispy outline, despite the moon. You chalk it up to his flowy apparel, the same thing he was wearing this morning. Seemingly, wrinkles are not something that afflict Prince Jimin. Likely, they are not even a word in his vocabulary,you think wryly to yourself. His eyes slide over to you, and you stop yourself from staring at his immaculate profile.

“What amuses you, little human?” His voice is like a whisper of the softest silk. Despite Yoongi’s early warning about manipulation, you can’t find it in yourself to be scared of this gentle soul.

“Just wondering how you keep your clothes so neat” you say, smile curving the edges of your mouth upward. His gaze lingers there.

“Suddenly, I understand my brethren’s fascination with humans,” he chuckles, gaze never leaving your own. “Pray tell, is this something you concern yourself with every new person you meet? Have I violated some unspoken human etiquette?”

You blush slightly, and he chuckles again. It is melodic-really, there is no other word for it. “Not at all. It just seems unlikely to end the day in the same state that you started it in.”

He smiles again, eyes crinkling into crescent moons. For the briefest of moments, your heart patters erratically, before resuming its original beat.

“What an entirely human viewpoint. Your lives are short-the blink of an eye, a sunrise and sunset, a turn around the sun. We live forever and are unchanging. We exist, as though in suspended animation: change so slow, we barely notice as we turn to stone.”

He’s clearly speaking in a riddle, and before you can guess as to which famed scholar he might be citing, he continues.

“Which is why, little human, I would like to try something-to assuage my endless boredom.” You wait, wondering what ridiculous test he might have in mind, thinking back to your time with Tae and Kookie -not that you would call him that to his face.

He moves closer, placing his warm palms on either side of your face. His gaze meets your own, and you blush again. You don’t look away, but nor do you move. You expect heart palpitations, nerves, a nervous stutter-all things you’ve experienced at one point or another with Yoongi, but you feel: nothing.

Prince Jimin’s gaze grows more fierce, his hands heavier on your cheeks, and you continue to wait.

“How entirely interesting, and infuriating.”

Suddenly, he is gone, and you are standing in the garden, even more perplexed than when you’d been listening to his earlier imagery. You turn, eager to return to sleepy Yoongi’s comforting embrace-something sane in the insanity that is the demon world.

But he is already there, across the terrace, eyes alert and glittering.

“What are you doing awake?” You ask, and you hear the guilt in your words as you speak them.

“I could ask you the same,” he says, voice low and menacing. “Did I NOT just finish warning you about what he could do? And here you are……subjecting yourself to it like some kind of perverse experiment?” His words are biting.

“Yoongi, why are you so angry? Literally nothing happened. I woke up because I couldn’t sleep, and he appeared a while later,” you say soothingly, trying to placate him.

“Well, maybe he can’t hurt you, but you can certainly hurt me,” he said, sounding exhausted once again. “Do you know how scared I was when I woke up again and you were gone, after being severely injured earlier today? And then I come out here and find you two staring each other down, his hands on your face?” He runs his hands over his face, before promptly turning and stalking off.

You stand there, stunned, and then it hits you….. Was Yoongi jealous?

#btsguild #hyunglinenetwork #bts fluff #bts angst #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #bts demon au #bts royalty au #bts arranged marriage au

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smoothshift · 5 years ago

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Here's a story about the time I got my car stuck in a snow bank 9,000 feet up a mountain, and was stranded overnight. via /r/cars

Here's a story about the time I got my car stuck in a snow bank 9,000 feet up a mountain, and was stranded overnight.

Prologue

I'll start with some backstory about my car: she's a 2001 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport 5MT. At the time of the story, she had just under 230,000 miles on her. She's rough on the outside, but I've done a ton of work to her, and I'd trust her to take me anywhere. In over five years of ownership, she has started up every single time I've ever turned the key. She's taken me all over the country and through all kinds of weird and sketchy places, and I love her.

Chapter 1

From afar, I had seen New Mexico's great Mt. Taylor. Like many others who share a similar gene, I wanted to go to the top of it. I had one single day off of work in January, and I decided to take a day trip up there. I headed to the small town of Grants, NM, which was the gateway to the mountain. I spent quite a lot of time looking around on Google maps to see where the roads went, and I started heading up State Road 547.

The road was nice and paved, then after some miles it turned to gravel, then the gravel started to gain a layer of snow, which at that point in the road was nicely plowed. I was driving in a spirited fashion, getting the back end out a bit on the hard-packed snow, and I passed a group of four of five huge lifted trucks heading down the mountain. I turned off of the main state road onto Forest Road 453 in attempt to reach the La Mosca Lookout, which was as near to the summit as I could theoretically drive to. That road was not plowed and had a lot of snow on it, maybe 6 inches or so.

After a couple unsuccessful tries, I decided to reverse back down. I've gotten my car stuck several times before, and I was aware of the risk. I specifically told myself, "Don't do anything stupid. I know my limits. I'm not going to let myself get stuck out here. If it gets bad, turn around and get the hell out." That statement turned out to be a bit ironic in retrospect...

Unsatisfied and still eager to explore more of the mountain, I continued on State Road 547, getting further and further up the mountain and away from town. Once the large and plowed section ended, I looked at the map, and saw that I could turn right onto a smaller road that continued all the way around the mountain and ended in what looked like a small village called San Mateo, many miles away. I decided to take that road all the way to the village, and circle back around to the highway.

Now, this section of road was unplowed, but had tire tracks, and it looked to me like it was quite easily passable. My car was doing just fine, so I continued, again with the constant thought that I wouldn't do anything stupid and would turn around if the snow got any worse. I drove maybe a mile or a mile and a half up this tight, winding, one-car-wide mountain road, being careful to stay within the tire tracks and to keep up enough speed. Then, inevitably...

Chapter 2

My car wouldn't move. I was on a relatively flat and level part of the road, but the car was completely stuck; it wouldn't budge an inch. Pretty much immediately, my stomach dropped and I had that thought you get right after something bad happens: "Oh fuck. This is not going to be good." I should mention that at this point, it was somewhere around 4:30 or 5:00 o'clock, with less than an hour of light left in the day. Also keep in mind that I was on moderately worn all-season tires, and small ones too: 195/65/15. There was absolutely no cell signal where I was.

I didn't have a shovel or any real tools with me to move snow, so I got out and started digging with my hands. I dug up a fallen tree branch to try and help me move all of that white powder out from underneath the car. Thankfully, I had a full set of heavy winter gear with me including thick boots, gloves, and snowpants, so I could really get down in the snow to work.

I dug and dug, and tried to free my car for an hour and a half. I tried a few different techniques, and was finally able to get my car freed. At this point, the sun had gone down and it was dark. If I remember correctly, there was little to no moonlight. I was absolutely elated, and as anyone would, I wanted to get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible. I didn't have room to turn around, so I started to reverse back down the road to hopefully find a large enough spot to get pointed the right way.

I reversed no more than a few hundred feet, and had to get around the first corner. It was a right turn (or I guess a left if you're looking out the back window), and it was banked into a steep hill on the inside. As I started to go around, I guess I didn't steer the car exactly right, and it slid right into the wall. I was stuck again. I got so mad, I screamed and shouted. After all that work, it just happened again. This time it was even worse, as the road was no longer flat.

I started trying every single thing I could think of. Laboriously digging, digging, digging, only with my hands and whatever sticks and branches I could find. I was manic and desperate, just pounding away at this heap of white death. The snow must've been at least a foot deep on the edge of the road where I was stuck, maybe a foot and a half. I tried everything. Rocking back and forth over and over agian, backing myself into the hill to try and get any sort of momentum, shoving as many sticks as I could under the tires, pressing the brake while accelerating to help lock up the diffs and get all four wheels spinning...

I even tried hooking my flat tow strap around a tire, and wrapping the other end around a tree, thinking that just maybe the tire would wrap the strap around itself and "winch" me out. Then I thought, "Duh, I have open diffs, it's just going to spin the other tire. But maybe I can use the same braking technique to give some more power to that wheel and pull me out." It didn't work at all. Nothing. I was dumping every bit of energy I had into it; I was constantly shouting out to the empty forest, alternating between hopeful excitement and angry frustration.

Finally, after two full hours of laboring in the darkness, I freed my car the second time, now facing the right direction. If you would've seen me at that moment, you might've guessed that I just won a million dollars. I was elated. I wanted to get off the mountain so fucking badly. Ever so carefully, I began driving back down the road again, taking every corner with thought and consideration. My car was going along just fine. I was shouting and cheering the whole way.

Then I began to go around a right turn, and almost in slow motion, my car slid out of the tracks in the snow into the inside of the corner. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled. The car was beached. This time, the inside of the corner went down into a ditch. Each time I got stuck, my car was in a worse position than the last, and this was the worst of them all. If I tried moving the car at all, it just slid further off the road and into the ditch. I had to be very, very careful.

I very reluctantly began to start digging again. The car was in very deep snow, at least a foot and a half's worth. After digging some of it out, I would periodically go back in and try to move the car again, carefully. Each time, it slid further down. Finally, after an hour and a half of trying this third time, not wanting my car to slide all the way into the ditch, I gave up. It was very late into the night, and I had to stop. There was no way I was getting it out.

Chapter 3

I was about 20 miles from town, and there were no human beings anywhere within many miles of me. I was at about 9,000 feet in elevation. There was still no cell signal whatsoever. I must've tried 50 times to call 911. I even reached behind my stereo head unit, pulled the antenna wire out, and tried touching the connector to the metal chassis of my phone, in the desperate hope that I might get the tiniest bit of signal. Nothing.

I realized the severity of the situation, and for the first time, I genuinely thought, "I could be in some real, life-threatening trouble if I'm not smart about this." At this point in my life, I was living in my car. That meant that I had all of the things I needed with me: good winter sleeping bag, blanket, some food, water, and clothes. I figured that making the choice to try walking back to town in the darkess, after I had already exhausted myself digging snow for many hours, was how people end up dying. So, I decided to sleep in my car overnight and try walking back in the morning.

The temperature was around freezing, give or take, for most of the time I was up there. My sleeping back kept me warm enough, but I wanted to make sure I had extra heat from the car if I needed it. My battery was worn out, and I wasn't confident that it would have enough juice to start the engine back up in the cold, so I left the engine running all night just in case. I made sure the exhaust pipe was clear, and I cracked the windows.

The only real food I had with me was some Muesli and almond milk, which I had eaten for breakfast earlier that morning. It was not very enjoyable having it a second time for dinner. While it's a great breakfast food, it's very thick and rich, and can be quite difficult to eat in large quantities. I had to just shove it down. At least it had plenty of carbs.

Since the proliferation and ubiquity of cell phones, we've all become completely accustomed to instant communication. We can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime, no matter where we are. There's obviously an inherent comfort that comes with that. I didn't expect there to be cell signal up there, and I know I'm perfectly capable of functioning without a cell phone. But when I was lying in my car, all alone in that cold and dark forest, not knowing what was going to heppen, not knowing when I was going to get out... It scared the hell out of me. True lonliness, and absolute self-reliance, physically and mentally. As silly as it may sound, it made me realize that I really don't want to die, and more than anything I just wanted to see my family again.

I lied there anxious all night, sleeping terribly. You know that feeling when you wake up from a dream, and you have that sigh of relief where you realize, "Oh thank god, none of that was real"? For me, it was the opposite. Every time I woke up, I realized again that I was still lying in that car, alone in the dark and cold forest, trapped. As you might imagine, that was an awful feeling. The night felt like it dragged on forever, whether I was asleep or awake. It was very surreal. I tried playing some games on my phone to distract me, but it didn't really work at all.

Eventually, the sun came up. I was incredibly lucky that it was a clear and calm day. I would later find out that there was a big storm that came through the area the next night; I couldn't imagine how much worse that would've been. I poured myself another bowl of Muesli for breakfast. Let me tell you, that stuff tasted like shit after eating it for the third time in a row. I had to force down as much as I could, because I knew I'd need as much energy as possible to walk back to town safely.

I ripped a few pages out of my notebook and wrote that I was attempting to walk back to town, and anyone who sees my car should call the rescue services and have them come get me. I wrote my parents' names and phone numbers on another page in case anything happened to me, and put them all up in the windshield. By the time I finally shut my engine off, it had been running for 16 hours straight, most of that idling. I loaded up my hiking pack with everything that I might need: extra clothes, food, water, battery bank for my phone, etc. I put on my boots, snowpants, and coat, and started walking.

I walked for a couple miles, anxious as all hell. I knew I could make it, but I was still nervous. I wanted to conserve as much phone battery as I could, but I couldn't help playing some music to try to relax myself a bit. I kept checking my phone to see if I could get even the tiniest sliver of signal. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Then, finally, I saw one bar. I dialed 911 as fast as I could, and to my amazement, someone answered. I got a little emotional just hearing another person's voice again, knowing that I could finally tell someone where I was.

It took the dispatcher what felt like an eternity to figure out where I was after I tried to describe it, but she eventually said that they were sending someone up to come get me. I was incredibly relieved. I kept walking down the road, and after a while, I saw a pickup truck in the distance coming towards me. I was finally going to get out of there.

Chapter 4

It was a Cibola County Sheriff's Deputy that had been sent up to get me. I wish I could remember his name. The guy was real nice, and told me he had grown up in those mountains, and knew his way all around them. We talked for a while, and he started telling me some stories of all the crazy, fucked up shit he's seen up on that road. He told me there was another guy that got lost up there hiking or something, and he didn't survive. Were were in a 4WD Chevy Duramax truck, and the deptuy said he'd bring me back to my car and pull me out, and I'd be on my way. We started back up the road towards my car, and then shwoooomp. The truck was stuck.

I thought to myself, "You gotta be fucking kidding me right now." The deputy remained unphased, however, and said we'd be un-stuck in no time. He assured me that he still had good signal on his police radio up there. He went to the back and pulled out his hand winch (or come-along, as some call it), and started hooking it up. We winched, and dug, and rocked, and the truck didn't want to come out. At one point, he even had me hop in the drivers seat and hit the gas. But finally, after about an entire hour, we got out and got turned around. As we headed down, he told me he knew a guy with big Bronco that could probably pull me out. If not, he said he could bring me up in his personal lifted Blazer and pull me out after his shift was over.

We headed into town, and the deputy took me to this guy's shop. He ran a small auto body repair business, and he said he could pull me out. Yes! I thanked the deputy, and he left. The guy told me he usually charges people around $250 to pull them out, but he'd do it for me for $100. Fair enough, I thought, so I went into the office where his wife and daughter were, and paid them. He had to go home to get his big Bronco, so I waited around for a while.

When he got back, I was really impressed at the sheer badassery of this truck. A 70's Bronco, lifted on 44 inch tires with a winch and a light bar. Me, the guy, his dad, and some other dude that was just hanging out at the shop all hopped in, and we headed up the mountain to pull out my little Subie. I forget what engine the Bronco had in it, but it was running open headers and a manual transmission. It was dirty, loud as hell, didn't run quite right, but it was pure and modest utility, and I loved that.

When I was talking to the shop owner's dad, it turns out that him and some friends were up on the mountain the previous day, and their group of trucks was the same one I had passed. He said he actually remembered seeing my car go by, and saying, "Man, someone's sure trying to get up there in a hurry!"

It took us at least 45 minutes to get back up to my car. Once we got there, he told me that he didn't even have to take it out of two-wheel drive the whole time. He said the snow isn't a problem until it gets up to the bumpers, which were over three feet off the ground. I love real, old school, hardcore trucks like that. They hooked up the winch cable to my car, and I hopped behind the wheel. I turned the key, and the engine fired right up; thankfully the battery still had enough cold cranking amps left in it. Slowly, as the winch tugged, I rose out of the ditch. The unhooked me, and I followed them back down. My car drove along just fine until we reached the part of road that was plowed. I thanked them profusely for their help, and took off back down the mountain.

I can't tell you how good it felt to be back in town. I got a nice warm breakfast burrito at a local restaurant, and it tasted so good after just eating all of those sugary oats. I drove back home and went right into work just as my shift was finishing, and had to tell my boss the whole story of why I missed an entire day. The whole thing ended up costing me a couple hundred bucks, including the tow charge and the lost day of work. That being said, it certainly could've been a lot worse. I was just so glad to be home.

I don't have any grand moral to the story, but I will leave you with this - know the limits of your car, and don't overestimate it!

Photos:

https://imgur.com/a/vspdB5Q

And here's the general location where I got stuck:

35°17'16.5"N 107°36'42.5"W

#reddit #autonews #auto #cars

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dionysus-is-my-dude · 5 years ago

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I gained ten pounds...

(Warning, binge eating mention. But hope and a fitness plan throughout.)

I’ve been relapsing lately. Eating a lot, and eating a lot of unhealthy things. That’s not good. I KNOW it’s not good. I’ve been eating a lot of fast food lately because I sleep in in the morning and don’t make a meal for the day, so I rely on quick meals and lots of snacks. I feel hungry all the time. I tried to satiate that hunger today by eating less and drinking more. That seemed to help, but I still felt like my stomach was eating itself. The last time I really weighed myself, I was around 176. Today, I got weighed in at a doctor’s office for some tests, and I weighed 188. That’s just not good. Very not good.

I have favourited some weight loss videos on Youtube that are given by an actual fitness instructor, who gives very basic and easy weight loss tips that really work (for example, eating at a calorie deficit, drinking a lot of water, and exercising more). I understand that money is a big part of why I struggle with eating healthier. However, now that I’m making and saving money really well right now, I have no excuse to not be eating healthy. It’s laziness at this point, I feel. Well, partly laziness, partly sensory issues with food textures, and partly executive dysfunction due to my adhd. I have very basic, healthy recipes saved on Pinterest that involve chicken, rice, and vegetables that I already know I enjoy eating. I know that I need to cut out the junk food and eat nothing but chicken, ground beef, fruits, and vegetables. Very little wheat products. No more large Blizzards from DQ. Eat more pickles, as they have no calories, fill me up just enough as a healthy snack, and ease my constant nausea.

My mental health plays a very large role in my diet, obviously. The binge eating goes hand-in-hand with my adhd. I get very bored, and when I’m bored, I feel hungry, and when I’m hungry, I want to eat. But then I eat too much because I don’t want to be hungry later, and then I feel sick and hate myself because I know that was way too many calories that I don’t exercise enough to lose. And what I eat tends to be quick, easy to make, comfort food. I’ve stopped eating mac and cheese, and I eat pasta a lot less, but I still eat a lot cereal and bagels for breakfast and dinner, with chips and cookies and crappy food in-between while I’m at work, where I only have a Dollar General nearby to go to for food because I can’t leave the stand unless someone is there to watch it for me.

I know I need to change things. I know I need to crack down hard on myself, to push myself to make healthy choices. I need a plan. A good, solid fitness plan.

So here’s what I’m thinking: 1. Everyday, after work, I’ll go to the gym I’m a member of and walk for at LEAST twenty or thirty minutes. Will it take time off for me to relax at home in my pjs? Yes. But will it help me lose weight and be simple enough for me to not be in pain the whole time? Absolutely. So there’s that. I need to keep some socks, my tennis shoes, and a change of clothes in the car so I can go right after I close the stand, and have something to change into after sweating and taking a quick shower. It’ll be a great way to get me showering all the time instead of wiping down with bath wipes when I feel too hot and tired to take a shower. (Bath wipes ARE a lifesaver, though.)

2. I need to make a meal plan, and something the fitness instructor I follow said is to a) drink a lot of water and don’t eat breakfast and b) have the same thing for lunch everyday so you stay on track. So, I’m trying to think of food that I wouldn’t get tired of (he did say that you can have it different ways). I DO like chicken, and I can have it cold or warm. So I could have salad with chicken pieces, or chicken strips in wraps, or just eat them straight up with stuff on the side. So, I’m gonna find some chicken recipes that I might enjoy, that are easy and can be enjoyed cold -as the stand does not have a microwave to heat up food. So, drink at least 23 oz of water immediately after getting up, no breakfast, have the same thing for lunch everyday -and have it be a filling lunch, and then, have a small, but healthy dinner hours before bed, not one hour before bed.

3. Go to bed early and wake up early. I have sleep apnea. And insomnia. I need all the sleep I can get. I’ve read that we’re actually supposed to sleep in shifts. Sleep four hours, then get up and do stuff, then sleep for four more hours, then get up and do stuff. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t have that option. So, taking my meds at 9 and going to bed at 10, then waking up at 6 or 7, would be plenty of rest for me. I have no problems falling asleep, so long as I have my cpap and antidepressants, but getting up is a problem for me. I hit the snooze button on my alarm over and over, until I only have an hour to eat breakfast and get ready. Now, no longer eating breakfast will save me some time, but I would still like to have time to wake up fully and relax before going to work. I don’t know if there’s an option to turn off the snooze function on my alarm clock. I put it across my bedroom, but I just get up, turn on the snooze, then climb back in bed and immediately rest again for nine minutes until it goes off again. I need to give myself a reason to stay awake the first time the alarm goes off. I’m just so exhausted throughout the morning. I don’t get really awake until around noon, and by then, I’ve stuffed myself with calories and sugar and sometimes caffeine in order to “wake myself up”.

4. Drink more water. I know, that’s a given. I feel bloated a lot. Like I’m retaining a lot of water and stuff. I take fiber supplements, and I drink water and Gatorade mostly. I sweat a LOT, so I need to drink Gatorade to replace everything I lose, but I also drink water whenever I can. But I know I still don’t drink enough. Not with how much time I spend in the heat this Summer. I need to make sure I keep a pack of water both at home and at the stand. And I need to make sure I have ice in my cooler to keep them cold. If I need to take money from the stand to ensure I have water and ice, my dad said I’m more than ok to take it.

5. Do more yoga. I pay for a yoga app, and I bought myself a brand new, adorable, pink yoga mat, but I hardly ever use them. I have scoliosis, and in order to keep it from getting worse, my doctor has told me that doing core-focused yoga will strengthen my back and help straighten my spine. Plus, it’s just good to do it before bed. But I get really sweaty again, and that makes me not want to do it right before bed. But now that I have these bath wipes, I can just wipe down to cool off.

6. Wash my damn face. I’m twenty-three years old and still have pimples. I need to wash my face once in the morning to wake myself up, then again after a workout, and then once more at night before bed. If I want nice, clear skin, then I need to work for it. I have multiple cleansers, plus witch hazel pads, plus spot treatments, face masks, you name it. I just never get around to using them because I hyperfocus on writing or being here on tumblr.

That’s all I can think of for now. I just binged with some Pizza Hut as a last hurrah, but then it’ll be over. I’ll talk to my counselor, see if there are any apps that’ll keep me on track, make Aldis my best friend, and go on from there. 2019 is supposed to be the year I get healthy, and dammit, I’m done backtracking and giving up.

#personal #weight loss #tw binge eating #tw: eating disorder #tw eating disorder #i'm gonna be ok my dudes

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tiffgetsffit · 6 years ago

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Hello, hello!

Not entirely sure what will become of this, but hey, you'll never know unless you just do it right? So, here it goes! I'm Tiff! I’m older than I’d like to be (34) and I live in the Midwest with my husband and our two pets (aka, The Overlord (the cat) and her Court Jester (the dog), lol) and I've been on a journey to a healthier lifestyle for quite awhile. I've lost weight, gained it back, lost it... and so on. This yo-yo journey came to a screeching halt in July of last year exactly where it needed to and not a moment too soon.

At that point, I was already down about 27 pounds from my highest weight of 345 pounds, but I wasn't doing much past that. My activity levels were absolutely atrocious, too. So, in July, my husband and I decided to enlist the help of a dietician to make another attempt at getting healthy and it ended up being that dietician that saved my life. As a part of the program we signed up for, we had to have our biometrics done to see where our starting point was. Prior to this, all of my blood work had always come back as slightly elevated, but nothing that diet and exercise couldn't fix. I had always been lucky in that I didn't suffer from any major health issues other than being significantly overweight. Well, this time, not only was it elevated, but my A1C was 10.4, which had my dietician recommend that I follow up with my doctor. I think I knew, deep inside, that this was where my luck had finally run out; I was likely diabetic.

We immediately switched the diet/meal plan we were working on (calorie counting alone) to one that significantly reduced the amount of carbs I was eating. I found out all of this the day before I was supposed to leave on vacation to Nashville, and I wasn't going to be able to see my doctor for almost 2 weeks. During those two weeks, though, I tracked everything. I knew I couldn't change what I had done to myself, but I wasn't about to make it worse, either. When I returned home and saw my doctor, she ran her own lipid panel to the same disastrous results, although I had managed to pull my A1C down to 9.7, though I've learned now that there is a slight discrepancy between the dietician's test and my doctor's test. She laid down the law at that point and I had an official diagnosis: I was type 2 diabetic. I also had cholesterol levels that she didn't like. I tried to plead with her not to put me on medication for either, and she shook her head very quickly. "You realize that I can put you on insulin with that A1C, right?" I really didn't want that, so we compromised: I went on the medication she wanted me to (metformin and lipitor) and if I could manage to bring my A1C down more, she wouldn't put me on insulin.

In 3 months time, I brought my A1C from 9.7 to 6.4. She was absolutely blown away. It's worth mentioning that I also brought all of my cholesterol levels closer to normal range and dropped 35 pounds.

Fast forward to my last set of labs in February: my cholesterol levels were all normal, my A1C had dropped again to 5.9, and I had lost an additional 17 pounds. I'm still on my medication and will continue to take it for as long as she feels is necessary.

As of today, I am down 97.4 pounds, overall, from my highest weight and I am SUPER stoked about getting to that 100 pounds lost, however, I’ve hit a bit of a plateau that I’m trying to work through. That being said, I am healthier and happier than I have ever been and my activity levels are through the roof. I pull 10+ miles multiple days a week on my bike. I used to have problems walking 5k and now I recently managed to jog a whole 5k without stopping, nabbing a PR for both my mile and for a 5k. It's been an amazing ride.

As for my diet, I'm still on the low carb train. It's not quite keto, as my doctor recommended that I not do that, but I use a lot of keto recipes. I average anywhere between 50-70g of total carbs a day, with a calorie intake between 1300 and 1600. I track everything with the Lose It app. My activity spans at least a half an hour a day, 6 days a week between my bike, my running, and dance fitness.

I'm stumbling into the Tumblr world for more accountability and because I need somewhere to ramble about whatever is on my mind. My journey since July has been documented on Instagram (same username) but lately I've been wanting to write more....so here we are! Not really sure what tags to use at this point, so I’ll just throw some in there that I tend to use on IG, haha.

If you took the time to read this whole post, then you are awesome, haha. I hope you have a spectacular day and feel free to follow or message me if you have any questions. I'm no expert, but I love to help people out anyway that I can! I’m still very much a work in progress, but I’ll get there - little by little, bit by bit, day by day. I’m excited for what’s in store!

#diet #weightlossjourney #workingonme #lowcarblife #progressnotperfection #fitness #healthylifestyle #fattofit #fitblr #weightloss

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srawesleyghuewrites · 6 years ago

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More Than Anything - Chapter One

For desktop users: masterlist

For mobile users: mobile masterlist

Pairing: Zig x MC(Samantha Davis)

Faceclaim: Santiago Segura as Zig Ortega, Shay Mitchell as Samantha Davis, Cheddar as their puppy and Charlie as their cat

Book: The Senior

Word Count: ~ 1,800

Rating: M for language

Prompt:

They talked about traveling, made big plans while tangled in bed and even wrote an itinerary together but an opportunity presents itself and Zig finds himself with a decision to make.

Samantha’s life has been a mess the last few weeks, her anxiety always getting the best of her, the thesis slowly becoming something so stressing to even explain, her parents spliting up, Zig’s sudden interest in traveling to Japan and her own mind playing tricks with her. So maybe that’s not a very good time for him to tell her? Or is the hard truth always the best option?

Author’s Note:

HI GUYS!!!

BTW I KNOW I’M LATE BUT I HAD REASONS(MY THESIS)

How are you? SOOOOO, this is a new series where the whole Japan thing is trated in a very different way but don’t worry, the drama is still here! I don’t have much to say about it because I honestly don’t know how many chapters and stuff but anyway..I can only say:

ANGST ALERT!

I don’t know exactly who to tag so please tell me if you want in or out of this taglist, and I hope everybody enjoys it!!!! As always, forgive my mistakes since english is not my mother language

@zigortega4life, @lizeboredom , @debramcg1106, @drakewalkerstan, @the-everlasting-dream, @christopher-powell, @pilitella, @easyobsession, @countrymusicandncis-blog, @tacohead13, @maxwellsgang, @ziggypop, @agent-bossypants, @angstymarshmallow

Disclaimer: The characters don’t belong to me, I just borrow them from Pixelberry!

Wine and Insomnia

Zig's been working since the early morning, his white shirt painted with a bunch of coffee stains showing the distraction overwhelming his senses, reminding him of when she asked him why the choice of such a bold color in a place where you're bound to get dirty. He remembers the dilated pupils of Samantha with his answer and a smirk, hoping to see her in this happy and light state soon enough. But the news he has to tell her might have the opposite effect, making her sink even more in the anxiety she’s currently fighting.

After his shift ended and the last stubborn client walked away at 1:34 in the morning, he said goodbye with a wave to the poor manager who was still closing some tabs and rushed out of the coffee shop. The streets were not completely empty, to his surprise, many students passed across the campus, heading to what seems to be parties or late night bars. It's a comforting presence, even if most of them are already drunk morons, it reminds him of how funny Sam gets when she’s drunk and all the stories they share in this very campus.

Meanwhile

Samantha typed fastly on her computer, the words already blurring together as the night extends for hours and hours. There's a big sigh coming from her as soon as her relentless fingers stop working, reading the nonsense crap she just wrote.

She's been feeling like that for a while, the inspiration coming fast in the middle of the night and escaping through her fingers before she can type anything useful. Samantha believes this might have something to do with everything that's been happening in her life lately, but Cheddar stops her from thinking any further in the subject by sitting next to her in the couch. He rests his paws on her exposed lap, calling out for attention as his puppy eyes shine over the almost dark room.

It's impossible for her not to scratch behind his ears and say in the most ridiculously dorky voice:

“You're the cutest dog in the whole world, did you know that? Who's the cutest dog in the world??”

He makes a confused expression by raising his ears and Samantha chuckles while scratching his jaw affectionately.

“Yes, you are!!! Cheddar is the cutest dog eveer!”

She feels better just with his presence, as if the emptiness he left in the apartament disappears for a moment. However the white document open in her computer brings her back to the task at hand, making her head pound heavily again.

Cheddar seems to notice the weight on her, laying his head lazily over his paws quietly as if not to disturb her. Samantha writes a full paragraph this time, full of grammar mistakes and gibberish but still feels better than nothing, that is until her eyes shift to the opening door and then nothing else seems that important anymore

...

The apartment is quiet and from the street he saw the living room fairy lights were on, which could mean that she left those on because she thought he was coming home soon or that she's still awake. Zig knows it's more likely the second option, with her insomnia crisis getting worse every week into the semester, but he still wishes badly that it'll be the first option.

When he opens the door his eyes find hers right away, the amber gaze softening under his chocolate one and then a sharp pain cuts through him as he thinks about not having her to come home to. He uses a smile to hide it and closes the door behind him with his foot, holding the bags with chinese food against with one hand and the key with the other.

“Hey babe.”

Samantha grins, watching him drop his bag near the door and realizes how just his presence already lifts a weight from her body. Zig goes straight to the kitchen, his stomach growling loudly to indicate how hungry he actually is, but he also admits to himself that he’s not ready to tell her yet, and being around her means having to say it.

She puts the notebook aside and gets up, Cheddar happily following her to the kitchen, sniffing and wiggling his tale to Zig.

“Hi.”

As expected he smiles at the dog, bending down to pet him and even allowing some cheek licks as his hand travels around the furry ears. Sam enjoys his distraction to step closer and examine what he brought, her mouth watering at the sight of the spring rolls but before she can pick anything Zig hugs her from behind. His scent invading her senses as he kisses the spot under her ear, and then her neck, finally planting a soft kiss on her shoulder.

“Wow. Miss me that much?”

Zig smirks and twists her around, making her face him while his hands caress her small back.

“Spending the day away from you is basically torture Sam, you should know that already.”

He brings their faces closer and Samantha closes her eyes, waiting for one of his ‘I missed you kisses’, the ones that are full of necessity and passion but that usually end with a bunch of other sweet caring pecks over her swollen lips. She gets her heart racing just with the memory of how he kisses her, even after all this time, he’s still shakes her core with any love demonstration. But the kiss doesn’t come and she snaps her eyes open, finding a longing expression in Zig’s face that quickly dissolves into a cocky smile.

“Are you waiting for something Samantha?”

He lets his lips touch just the corner of her mouth, his nose brushing against her when he breathes slowly over her yearning mouth.

“Teasing much, Ortega?”

Then he closes the inch distance between them with a kiss, capturing her lips in a hungry movement that she welcomes by parting her lips to give him more access to her mouth. They explore each others tongues, Samantha’s fingers play with his hair and Zig pulls her even closer by the grip of his hands on her waist. The kiss ends with both of them short of breath, lips swollen by the hot and roughness of the act and cheeks lightly flushed pink.

He pecks her cheek before turning back to the food behind her, leaving Samantha to wonder what’s wrong. After all this time together Sam knows what his kisses mean and it scares her because it sounded more like a ‘I’m sorry’ kiss than a ‘I’ve missed you’, mainly because he’s avoiding her gaze strongly. She’s been feeling weird for a long time so she thinks it’s just her normal paranoid-self, shrugging the dark thoughts and moving to get a a wine and two glasses.

“Why did you stay so late?”

Zig gives her a thankful smile when she pours red wine in a glass and hands it to him. She helps him take the food to the coffee table in the living room, sitting comfortably at his side and waiting for the response.

“There was still some customers there and as much as I wanted, I couldn’t just tell them to get the hell out.”

She chuckles and takes another sip of her wine, using her hand to caress his nap in an attempt to make him fully relax since she can see the tension present in his shoulders.

“You could’ve called me, I don’t have any problem telling people to get out so that I can have my man home earlier.”

Zig laughs and pets Cheddar’s head, who’s sitting between him and Sam. Soon Charlie joins them, getting out of her well deserved nap on their bed, she walks stretching and comes to rest on his lap.

“I guess I’m not the only one who missed you.”

It doesn’t take longer than 3 seconds for Charlie to start purring, brushing her head against his hand in search for more love. Sam smiles with the vision of their pets giving Zig all the love she knows he deserves, it warms her heart to know that even when everything is falling apart, their home is always standing strong.

He takes another sip of the wine and it’s the perfect combo with the food, perfect with this moment, with the perfect woman sitting next to him and staring at him with such longing.

“I missed all of you, especially you Sam, as always. I usually would go for a beer, so how did you know that I today what I wanted was wine?”

“Because I know you babe.”

She answers fast, the words so real that triggers something inside him, something that makes him lower his gaze to Cheddar or the couch beneath him. ‘She knows me better than anyone’ and he can’t look at her without blurting the words out loud, words that might change everything.

He drinks more of his wine to gain courage and tell her the news, all the time avoiding her gaze, that’s when he sees the notebook laying beside her and asks:

“Were you working on something before I came or just waiting for me?”

She sighs, the pressure of the blank document beside her gets back and even though she’s not even looking at it, it already consumes her thoughts again. It’s her time to drink more wine in order to keep from spiraling.

“Yeah, working on my thesis.”

The words are rispid and she half-smiles, trying to hide the desperation surging on her from thinking about that damn thesis. He knows how much it’s consuming her and his way of making it better is by sliding his hand over her shoulders, scooping closer to her and giving her a long forehead kiss.

“Insomnia again?”

She simply nods as he puts both of their empty glasses on the table, turning his full attention to the woman in front of him.

“I wish I could’ve been here earlier to take care of you.”

“You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

Samantha lays her head in his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathes deeply as relief fills her chest. Zig fiddles with her hair, pressing his lips to the top of her head, she snuggles her head into his body until her own lips are touching his neck in a sweet care.

“And I’ll always be here.”

His words are strong and full of meaning, yet he’s not that sure it’s true anymore.

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babyleclerc · 7 years ago

Text

Love Her Madly

Pairings: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Style: One-Shot

Warnings: Just mild cursing, but what’s new lmfao.

Word Count: 1.8K

Summary: After probably the worst day of your life, you find yourself stood up at a nice restaurant by your date. To make things worse, you also run into your ex - who sees you there alone. Who better to save the day than the one and only Tom Hiddleston?

A/N: W O W. Guys. It’s been a fuckin’ WHILE since I’ve gotten Tom to flow through these fingers. PHEW it feels so fucking good to be back to writing him. I’ve missed him so much. All praise goes to my absolute partner in crime, writing buddy, and bestest of friend, @sxbastianstan. She is my everything, my ultimate bae, and the reason this fic even exists. So go THANK HER for getting me out of my writing rut. Ily all. Hope you enjoy. <3

This was officially, easily, the worst night of your life. You glanced at your Apple watch for the hundredth time that hour, its little neon numbers staring back at you; mocking you. As if looking at it again would magically erase time. Surprise: it hadn’t.

“Would you like to order anything, Miss?” You could tell your waiter was getting impatient and wanted to give the table to someone else. The hour you had been waiting for your blind date was starting to look pathetic, and you knew it. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at the judgment laced throughout the waiter’s tone and smiled up at him as sweetly as you could.

“Sorry, just five more minutes.” Right as the words slipped from your glossed lips, you heard a male voice from across the room.

“Y/N?” He called out, and your heart sank. You felt your stomach drop and your head feel dizzy as you looked up at the owner of said voice, recognizing it immediately.

“Hey,” You said timidly as your eyes rested on your ex’s handsome face. Damnit, now this really was the worst night of your fucking life.

You stood to give him a quick hug, annoyed by the smell of his cologne and the blonde bimbo hanging off his arm, with perfectly manicured hands and highlighted hair. You immediately felt self-conscious of your own looks and tried to make yourself as small as possible in comparison (as if that were even possible).

“What are you doing here? Are you here by yourself?” He didn’t give you a chance to answer, and instead just plowed on. “This is Anastasia, my fiancé.”

Fiancé. Good. Fucking. Lord. This was just getting better and better.

You smiled tightly, that nauseating feeling twisting in your gut as you shakily held out a hand to meet hers, exchanging niceties. This was the worst.

“So… no date?” He asked again, glancing at the empty chairs in front of you and looking at you with pity. Was there a small smirk on his lips, too? You would give one million dollars to slap that look right off his face.

Before you could answer, you notice some shuffling from the corner of your eye, and a tall man, clad in a dark blue suit, approaches you, leaning over to kiss you gently on the cheek.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, darling. Traffic was a nightmare.” You felt your cheeks get hot and your eyes widen as the British man easily snaked an arm around your waist, his large hand resting gently on your hip. There was a collective pause from the group as they soaked in the man standing in front of you. You tried not to let your jaw drop as your eyes glazed over his gelled hair, his bright blues, and a slight 5 o’clock shadow resting along his jawline. He swiftly buttoned his suit jacket and extended a hand to your ex-boyfriend who just stood there, baffled. He turned his attention to Jack, as if just noticing him for the first time. “Ah, sorry, didn’t mean to be rude. I’m Tom.”

“Jack,” Your ex shook his hand and seemed to stand up straighter, as if measuring himself against this mystery man named Tom. (It was of no use, Tom was a full foot taller than him, at least). There was an awkward beat, and you hoped no one noticed that in reality you had no idea who the hell this Tom character was, but boy were you thankful that he had decided to step in right at this moment.

“Well, we should get back to our meal. I’ve been keeping my poor girl waiting for over an hour; she’ll kill me if I don’t get food in her system soon.” Tom winked at you and you felt yourself coming undone, your cheeks so hot they could burn the restaurant down.

Without waiting for dismissal from Jack, Tom led you towards the table you had previously been abandoned at, pulling your chair out for you and allowing you to sit down. By the time he sat down, swiftly unbuttoning his suit jacket in the process, Jack and Anastasia had gone back to their table, stunned. You could feel the envy seeping from both of them as your heart pounded in your chest, finally drinking in the man in front of you. He seemed completely at ease, as if this had been his plan all along. As if he hadn’t just spotted you from across the room at the bar, and decided to swoop in and save you like some sort of prince charming.

“Uhm,” You started, biting your lower lip. “You didn’t need to do that.”

Though his eyes smiled at you, his lips formed into a beautiful smirk, oozing with confidence. “A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice.” He raised his hand and called for the waiter. You sat there, stunned, sputtering stupidly. “I’ll take a vodka tonic, and the lady here will have…?”

He turned to you, waiting, and you blinked, your brain trying to process what he was asking you but being infinitely distracted by his confidence and distracting British accent.

“I’ll have a Scotch, please.” You finally managed out, your hands trembling slightly.

Tom flashed a smile towards the waiter, thanking him, before once again letting his beautiful blue orbs rest on you. It made you feel uncomfortable, the way that he was assessing you – as if he knew you were panicking and sweating beneath your somewhat (?) calm exterior.

“So, where were we?” He asked, leaning back against the chair, crossing one leg over the other easily. His hands rested on his thighs. “Ah yes, you were about to thank me.”

You would have scowled at him had his grin not been so fucking handsome. You hated to admit it, but the guy was smooth. Too smooth.

“Right,” You rolled your eyes, gaining some of your confidence back, “Thank you for swooping in and now hijacking my dinner.”

Tom raised an eyebrow at your tone, “I’m sorry, did you want me to leave so can eat by yourself?”

You glared at him, his comment a straight punch to the gut. You sighed, backing down. “No, but thank you for saving me. You don’t have to have dinner with me, though.”

Tom waved it off with his hand, shaking his head, “I was only teasing. No need to thank me. I hate seeing a beautiful girl stood up. I’m assuming that’s what happened, yes?”

You sighed again, but suddenly feeling more comfortable, nodded. “Yes.”

“Tinder?”

“Bumble, actually.”

“Ah.”

The waiter now returned with your drinks, setting them on the table in front of you and taking your orders. Tom ordered the fish while you ordered a steak (thank God you knew what you wanted already, you would have died if he looked at you stupidly again), and he took a sip of his vodka, letting the ice-cold glass rest in his hand. He fidgeted with the lime, head cocked to the side as his eyes watched you.

“So that’s an ex of yours, I gather?” He asked finally, swirling the drink in his hand as his head nodded discretely towards Jack.

You blushed slightly, embarrassed that he had caught you staring at Jack and Anastasia for the thousandth time. You sighed, nodding. “Yeah, we used to date. For a while, actually.”

“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.” Another swig of his vodka tonic. You watched as his tongue dashed along his lips slightly, annoyed at how effortlessly your body was in-tune with his.

You sighed, partially from the question but mostly from the way Tom oozed sexiness and comfort without even trying. “Long story, but he broke up with me. Typical ‘guy likes girl, guy wins over girl, girl falls in love with guy, guy falls in love with someone else’. It was a while ago.” You shrugged, taking a deep swig of your Scotch.

Tom’s eyes darted over to Jack, just in time to see him glaring at you. He thought for a moment, then peered back at you, a playful look dancing in his eyes. He leaned across the table and reached for your hand, allowing his fingers to gently intertwine with yours before speaking in a low, husky voice.

“Let’s make him burn with envy.”

Dinner went on so smoothly from there, it was hard to believe that the night had started out the way that it had, and that this was a “first date”. Tom was ever the gentleman – listening intently, complimenting you at all the right times, never getting distracted or looking uninterested. It was as if he was hanging on to your every word, like his life depended on them. It was as intimidating as it was refreshing.

“So tell me,” You started, cutting your knife easily into your steak, “What made you come over and save me earlier tonight?”

Tom grinned, chuckling slightly, “You should know by now that your radiant beauty made it hard for me to stay away.”

You laughed wholeheartedly, amused, “You seriously expect that line to work? What do other girls say to that?”

He shrugged, “Wouldn’t know, you’re the first woman I’ve ever used it on.”

You immediately sobered, your head tilting slightly, “I call bullshit.”

It was Tom’s turn to laugh, the corner of his eyes crinkling just slightly, his tongue peeking out from between his lips. You wondered, for just a moment, what it would feel like to kiss them…

“Not bullshit, actually, I hardly have time between filming to go out on dates.”

“So it just happened to be my lucky day that you were here, tonight, huh? Just waiting for a damsel in distress to save?” You grinned back at him cheekily.

“I’d hardly call you a damsel in distress, Y/N.” The way his accent drawled your name out sent goosebumps up your arms. You wanted to hear him say it a thousand times over, preferably in the dark, in his bed, his lips pressed against your skin in the most sinful ways.

You squirmed slightly in your chair at the visual, crossing a leg over the other in an attempt to calm yourself down. Tom noticed the slight gesture and smiled softly against his raised glass, fighting everything within him to wink at you.

Tom cleared his throat, glancing at his watch, “I know this is extremely forward of me, and I swear I would never ask just anyone this, but, would you-”

“Yes.” You answered before he could finish.

Tom grinned, his eyes twinkling. He pulled out his wallet and set down a few hundred-dollar bills – you weren’t sure how much but tried not to gape at the load of cash he still had in his wallet. He took you briskly by the hand, pulling you in front of him as he guided you out of the restaurant, both hands resting easily on your hips.

You were too happy, the grin far too wide across your lips, to notice a sulking Jack behind you.

Fin.

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