#i have too much work to do on house stuff this week to get anything more than a few notes done
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okay so as a federal worker, i tell you this not to make you panic but to give you time to do what you need to do:
it's the holiday season. in addition to the federal holidays, federal workers build up leave throughout the year. the longer you've been with the federal government, the more leave you accumulate. this time of year, many federal workers will be taking their "use or lose" leave, aka the leave they've accumulated that's over the 240 hour cap you can carry into the next calendar year.
that means if you have any renewals or want to apply to anything that requires the federal government, DO IT NOW. many departments are already understaffed but this time of year? yeah, skeleton crews are the norm.
please be patient. you can check in every week or two to see where your stuff is but please be patient. many of us are going to be working our butts off in the next three months to ensure your stuff gets done. but we're only human. if you have an agency number, calling is often better than emailing. yes, even if you have to wait on the line for a while.
notaries can be extremely backed up. if you have an appointment which requires a notary's signature, make sure that you have every single thing ready the second you walk in. you don't want to have to come back.
understand that the ship of state turns slowly. we do have a lot of mechanisms in place to keep things from falling apart completely HOWEVER this time the Executive Leadership is directly coming at us with the intention of fully dismantling certain departments. chief on their list that i've seen is the department of education. if you have a special needs child in a special ed program or are one yourself, check to see who's funding the program (feds, state, local, etc) and plan accordingly. if the feds pull out their money, you need to know who's handling the gap and what happens if it can't be filled. that goes for other programs like housing.
if the republicans control the house, senate, and white house, expect them to defund everything you care about. the only spending i can see them increasing is the department of defense and border patrol. everything else? huge budget crunch. if you think the government is slow now, is unresponsive now, oh boy, just you wait. this will send a shock wave through the economy - the feds are huge spenders in many areas (sometimes the only thing keeping places afloat). much of the government is too big and unwieldy to dismantle all at once (particularly the pieces entwined with big business) but that doesn't mean they can't launch giant holes into the things they really hate. plan accordingly.
the fda director will try to ban sending abortion pills in the mail. plan accordingly. does this step on the usps' toes? yes. do they care? nope, republicans have been trying to privatize them for years. plan accordingly.
if you want to know the baseline fuckery you'll be expected to deal with, the department of veterans' affairs was shadow run by marvel executives for two years last time. i'm not joking. the white house is going to bypass any pretense of confirming executive leadership by making every single one of them "acting director of such and such." those don't require congressional approval.
if you're a dreamer and you've applied for some kind of federal relief, i would advise you to be extremely careful. your information is in a federal database and the republicans want to round up everyone of latino descent. they've already confirmed that they want to deport whole families irrespective of citizenship to "stop family separation."
stay calm and plan accordingly.
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An Arranged Marriage, part 22
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21
1.6k words
While you absolutely needed summer clothes you got the feeling that Bira had something extra in mind. At least your husband seemed to like it!
(I am feral over my own character, ask box is always open for talking about my writing or just monster fucking in general!)
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“Thanks for helping me with this” you said as Bira lead you through the busy streets.
“Of course! I’m not going to let you drop dead from the heat! I’m just happy Zen’jan waved me down to let me know” Bira responded.
It was quite a walk to the shop, tucked into a corner of the city that was mostly minotaurs, though Bira assured you several times her friend who owed the shop would be able to help.
“Hoonti!” Bira practically yelled as the two of you entered the shop.
The minotaur woman behind the counter looked and smiled, “Bira!” and the two quickly launched into an animated conversation in orcish.
“This is Hoonti, a long time friend of mine” Bira introduced, “and one of the best tailors I know. She’s going to take your measurements and ask a few questions and get started on making you a few things to start with”.
“Sounds good!” you answered.
Hoonti got right to work, buzzing about you with her measuring tape while Bira translated her questions.
“Any preferences for colors? Or any colors you absolutely don’t want?” Bira translated.
“Nothing too bright” you said.
“That’s no fun!” said Bira.
Bira was almost always in bright colors and clothes with fancy trim or details, though Zen always dressed pretty simply. He seemed to be the odd one out though, most of the trolls in the city seemed to be more like Bira with bright, highly detailed clothes and lots of jewelry. The closet thing to jewelry you ever saw Zen wear were the gold bands at the base of his tusks, though he had gotten you a few bracelets and necklaces.
“Okay okay okay, nothing too bright but let me pick one outfit for you, please!” Bira practically begged.
“One outfit” you repeated firmly.
“Just one! And I promise you’ll like it, and so will Zen’jan! It’ll make him happy”.
You raised an eyebrow at her.
“Don’t worry, it’s just something traditional but it needs to be bright! Just trust me” she said.
“Sure”.
Many rounds of questions later and Bira and you were leaving the shop with the promise that Hoonti would drop the clothes off in a few days when she was done.
“So, you and Zen’jan” Bira began.
“Yeah?” you asked.
“He seems a lot happier than usual recently”
You could not help but smile a bit over that. There had been a shift in Zen over the last week, he was more relaxed around the house and was comfortable taking up space. He sat and stood up straight, no longer always trying to make himself smaller, he lounged and stretched out across the bed, he constantly showed you little affections like a hand on your shoulder or waist for a moment when he walked past or a quick nuzzle where he could.
“It’s been a good week” you smiled.
“Well, it’s good to hear that. He’s been doing better in general since you got married, he doesn’t look so tired and drained all the time anymore. He’s never been the best at taking care of himself, though it looks like he’s getting better about it though now that he has someone else to take care of”.
Bira showed you a few more of her favorite places around the city before walking you home.
“I’m happy he has you” Bira told you as she hugged you.
“I’m happy I have him too” you told her.
Three days later Bira and Hoonti showed up in the middle of the day laden with new clothes for you. Skirts, pants, shirts, and dresses of varying lengths, colors, and styles and much better suited for the weather than anything you brought.
They both fawned over you while you tried stuff on, it felt silly with how they fussed over you, but it was still fun.
“Ok ok, last one!” Bira called and handed you the last outfit.
It was several pieces all in a rich shade of red and trimmed with shiny gold embroidery and pearls.
“And I’m guessing this is what you were so excited about?” you asked.
“Just try it on!” she was so excited.
You ducked back into the bathroom to untangle the pieces; a pair of shorts, a wide rectangle of fabric with the beautiful embroidery on one long edge, and a longer thinner rectangle of fabric with the same embroidery in the center of one of the long edges.
“I’m going to need an explanation” you called from the bathroom.
“Shorts on, the wide rectangle ties over the shorts as a skirt, and just wrap the other around you and I’ll help”.
The shorts were shorter than you would have liked, the skirt came down to your mid thighs but because it was tied together it left quite a slit up the side where you tied it on you hip. You wrapped the other piece around you and shuffled out of the bathroom feeling rather exposed.
“Really?” you asked Bira.
“Yes! You’ve seen me in stuff like this! Don’t act so surprised!”
She helped you with the top, wrapping it behind your back and crossing it over your chest and tying it behind your neck. It left your midriff bare, but much to you surprise it at least covered a good amount of your chest.
“Absolutely perfect” Bira smiled.
“Its short” you muttered back.
“It’s good for hot weather, and for dancing! There’s a few festivals coming up that it’s perfect for. And I bet Zen’jan will like it, you should keep it on for when he gets home”.
You chatted with Bira and Hoonti for a while before both left to go about their day. You had to admit you had a lot of movement freedom in the outfit, and while it showed off a lot more than you were used to it was comfy and did look good.
Zen came home later that afternoon, in the last week he had been coming home earlier.
“I hope you do not mind, I stopped by the market in my way home and just picked up- wow” he paused when he saw you.
“It’s looks alright?” you asked.
“More than alright, you look incredible” he sat the food down and crossed the room, quickly placing his hands on your hips while he took a moment to take you in.
“Bira said it would be a good outfit for some festivals coming up”.
“It is, though now I am going to have to actually dress up for festivals to keep up with you” he pulled you closer until you were pressed against him and you could feel him purring.
You could also feel him hard against you. The two of you had been bathing together and sleeping naked, though both of you chose to ignore anything other than cuddling for now.
Zen was breathing hard and you could feel his heart racing being so close to him. He leaned down and nuzzled his forehead against yours before pulling you into deep kiss, wasting no time parting you lips and slipping his tongue into your mouth.
It caught you off guard. Zen never initiated anything, he always carefully waited for you to lean into him to cuddle, or for you to kiss him first. His grip on your hips tightened and you felt him grinding against you, felt the way he panted and moaned into your mouth, how his whole body heaved with every breath.
By the time he pulled away you were breathing just as hard, your heart racing while you looked up at him.
“I am sorry” he muttered, “Was that alright?”
You did not answer, instead you tangled your hands into hair and pulled him back in for another kiss. This time you pressed yourself against him and pulled him close just as much as he did to you. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and ran it along the base of his tusks before pulling back a bit and letting him lead again. His tongue nearly filled your mouth and you happily teased him by sucking on his tongue a bit.
Kissing him was never an elegant affair. His tusks always bumped the sides on your face and you also could not tilt your head at the right angle while you were wedged between them. Then mismatch in size between the two of you meant his mouth always entirely covered yours in an odd way, and it all added up to some rather wet, clumsy, and messy kissing but neither of you minded.
His hand drifted lower, cupping your backside and pulling you to rub against him, leaving an ache between your legs. Besides the night you had gotten drunk together, he had not so much as even hinted at anything more than cuddling, his sudden forward was was a bit odd but not unwelcome.
You pulled away from the kiss, “So, formal wear does it for you?” you teased, though at that moment he had also chosen to nudge your legs apart and press his thigh up against your center, making you collapse forward against his chest and let out a soft moan.
“When I come home and my beautiful wife is all dressed up for me it does” his voice was low in your ear and you could hear the need dripping from it. “And as beautiful as you look all dressed up for me, right now all I can think about is helping you out of it all, if you will let me”.
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Tag list
@blushycadaver @hazyspacefairy @littlelovebug98 @tufflepuff23 @graveblanketgreen @krayziee
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you know what else fucks me up about the US election? one of the things that has left me reeling in bewilderment and grief this month?
I'm a scientist, y'all.
That means that I am, like most American research scientists, a federal contractor. (Possibly employee. It's confusing, and it fucks with my taxes being a postdoctoral researcher.) I get paid because someone, in the long run ideally me, makes a really, really detailed pitch to one of several federal grant agencies that the nation would really be missing out if I couldn't follow up on these thoughts and find concrete evidence about whether or not I'm right.
Currently, my personal salary is dependent on a whole department of scientists convincing one of the largest and most powerful granting agencies that they have a program that is really good at training scientists that can think deeply about the priorities of the agency. Those priorities are defined by the guy who runs the agency, and he gets to hire whatever qualified people he wants. That guy? The Presidential Administration picks that one. That's how federal agencies get staffed: the President's administration nominates them.
All of the heads of these agencies are personally nominated by the president and their administration. They are people of enormous power whose job is to administer million-dollar grants to the scientists competing urgently for limited funds. A million dollars often doesn't go farther than a couple of years when it's intended to pay for absolutely everything to do with a particular pitch, including salaries of your trainees, all materials, travel expenses, promoting the work among other researchers, all of it—so most smart American researchers are working fervently on grants all the time.
The next director of the NIH will be a Trump appointee, if he notices and thinks to appoint one. NSF, too; that's the group that funds your ecology and your astroscience and your experimental mathematics and physics and chemistry, the stuff that doesn't have industry funding and industry priorities. USDA. DOE, that's who does a lot of the climate change mitigation and renewable energy source research, they'll just be lucky if they can do anything again because Trump nigh gutted them last time.
Right now, I am working on the very tail end of a grant's funding and I am scurrying to make sure I stay employed. So I'm thinking very closely about federal agency priorities, okay? And I'm thinking that the funding climate for science is going to get a lot fucking leaner. I'm seeing what the American people think of scientists, and about whether my job is worth doing. It's been a lean twelve years in this gig, okay? Every time the federal government gets fucked up, that impacts my job, it means that I have to hustle even harder to get grants in that let me support myself—and, if I have any trainees, their budding careers as well!—to patch over the lean times as much as we can.
So I've been reeling this week thinking about how funding agency priorities are going to change. I work on sex differences in motivation, so let me tell you, the politics reading this one for my next pitch are going to be fun. I'm working on a submission for an explicitly DEI-oriented five year grant with a cycle ending in February, so that's going to be an exercise in hoping that the agency employees at the middle levels (the ones that know how to get things done which can't be replaced immediately with yes men) can buffer the decisions of those big bosses long enough to let that program continue to exist a little while longer.
Ah, Christ, he promised Health & Human Services (which houses the NIH) to RFK, didn't he? We'll see how that pans out.
I keep seeing people calling for more governmental shutdowns on the left now, and it makes me want to scream. The government being gridlocked means the funding that researchers like me need doesn't come, okay? When the DOE can't say fucking "climate change," when the USDA hemorrhages its workers when the agency is dragged halfway across the country, when I watch a major Texan House rep stake his career on trying to destroy the NSF, I think: this is what you people think of us. I think: how little scientists are valued as public workers. I think: how little
This is why I described voting as harm reduction. Even if two candidates are "the same" on one thing you care about, they probably aren't the same level of bad on everything. Your job is to figure out what that person would do in this job. It's not about a fucking tribalist horse race. A vote is your opinion on a job interview, you fucks. We have to work with this person.
Anyway, I'm probably going to go back to shaking quietly in despair for a little longer and then pick myself up and hit the grind again. If I'm fast, I might still get the grant in this miserable climate if I run, and I might get to actually keep on what I'm trying to do, which is bring research on sex differences, neurodivergence and energy balance as informed by non-binary gender perspectives and disability theory to neuroscience.
Fuck.
#us politics#science#biology#career#probably my last word on the subject for some time#but fuck yall when the government goes down i don't get paid and i have to go do something different#which generally is beholden to the interests of some rich private fucker#I'm just so fucking tired of feeling like i can relax and getting slammed in the face
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Married!Stonathan with a daughter headcanons to brighten your day ✨
🔸 Masterlist
🔹 You can read part 1 here | part 2 here | part 3 here | part 4 here
A/N: I have unanimously decided that Saturdays are "Married!Stonathan with a Daughter" days, so here's another set of headcanons!
--------------------------✨✨--------------------------
✨ If you haven't read part 1 of "Married Stonathan! with a Daughter Headcanons," you can read it here, and then come back 😘!
✨ Steve's the type of dad who gets distracted watching a kid's show with Elizabeth, so when Jonathan comes to check in on them, he finds Steve sitting on the floor watching Rugrats and Elizabeth nowhere in sight;
— "What are you doing, Steve?"
— "Watching Rugrats with Lizzie, babe."
— "Uh-huh... And where is Lizzie...?"
— "What do you mean where is she? She's right... Ah, shit, not again..."
✨ Steve's also the type of dad who thinks it's funny to scare their baby daughter, but one time, he inadvertently made her cry, which resulted in him sleeping on the couch for a week;
✨ He's also the type of dad who thinks it's funny when their kids curse. Oh, 4-year-old Elizabeth said "fuck"? Steve's laughing his ass off while Jonathan's fighting the urge to strangle him - because Steve's lack of a baby filter is the cause of this;
✨ Steve thinks of himself as "the cool dad" and Jonathan as "the not-so-cool dad," but, in reality, he's way stricter with Elizabeth than Jonathan is because Steve is aware of what stupid teenagers do. After all, he was a stupid teenager himself - and a pretty stupid one at that;
✨ Jonathan is not as strict as Steve because he trusts his daughter and knows she's nowhere as stupid as he or Steve were in their teenage years;
✨ Steve babyproofed the whole house;
✨ Elizabeth is responsible like her dad Jonathan, and protective like her dad Steve - the best of both worlds!
✨ Also inherited the sarcasm and snarkiness of her Byers dad and irritability of her Harrington dad - the worst of both worlds;
✨ Very domestic Steve & Jonathan! Doing house chores together, like cooking (Steve's not allowed to cook by himself, though), doing laundry, washing the cars, and stuff - which leads to Elizabeth calling them "disgustingly sweet," much to their amusement;
✨ Steve is the type of dad who freaks out over the tiniest things. Like, 7-year-old Elizabeth fell off her bike and scraped her knee? Immediately scoops her up in his arms and runs inside the house while asking her if she's alright, then proceeds to interrogate her and ask if Elizabeth was being reckless and threatening to confiscate her bike;
✨ While Jonathan's just there, smiling at Steve freaking out before telling him to calm down;
✨ Elizabeth gets embarrassed by Steve whenever they go out together because he thinks he looks good on anything, and then proceeds to go out looking like this:
✨ Yeah, he has "the dad style";
✨ Jonathan is the one responsible for teaching Elizabeth how to drive because Steve yelled too much during their 15-minute lesson;
✨ Elizabeth threatens people with the fact that her dad's a cop despite Steve constantly telling her not to do it, otherwise he'll get in trouble at work but Elizabeth reassures him it's fine because her grandpa's the Chief of Police - and the thought of getting into trouble with Hopper makes Steve PANIC;
✨ She's fiercely protective of her dads - no one's allowed to send weird looks at them;
✨ They have dozens of pictures of Elizabeth in their wallets - all taken by Jonathan;
✨ Steve's the bad cop, and Jonathan's the good one;
✨ Though Jonathan is not afraid to be strict if he needs to, and no human being in the entire world is foolish enough to not listen to Jonathan Byers when he's being strict;
✨ Jonathan's a master of saying "I'm not mad, just disappointed," and that's so much worse than all the yelling, shouting, and scolding Steve has available in his arsenal;
✨ Constantly asks Elizabeth about boyfriends - or girlfriends;
✨ Feign shock and disappointment when their daughter informs them she's straight;
— "So, any boys, Lizzie?"
— "Or girls."
— "Dads, I'm straight."
— [dramatic gasps accompanied by putting a hand over their hearts.]
✨ Robin mocks Steve when he starts acting like an overprotective dad. Also calls him "dad dingus" now, much to his annoyance;
✨ Jonathan often asks Joyce for advice, and despite her constantly telling him he and Steve are doing everything right, he can't help but feel a bit insecure and also fearful of turning into Lonnie;
✨ Steve, meanwhile, fears being too much like his grade-A asshole dad;
✨ Elizabeth's D&D character is a Sorcerer - courtesy of her Uncle Will and Uncle Mike, who always played with D&D with Elizabeth when babysitting her for Steve and Jonathan;
✨ Proudest dads in the world who have a whole section of their living room dedicated to Elizabeth's achievements;
✨ Jokingly accuse each other of their daughter's bad behavior;
— "She has your temper, Steve!"
— "Oh, yeah? Well, she has your sarcasm, Jon!"
✨ Both agree that Robin, Nancy, and Dustin are bad influences on their daughter and should not leave her alone with them unsupervised;
✨ Elizabeth has the best parents in her group of friends, but will never admit it out loud because teenagers think it's cringe to say their parents are cool;
✨ Regarding where the Harrington-Byers family lives, I know Jonathan's plan is to leave Hawkins behind and go study photography at NYU (and in my headcanons, he is a photojournalist and a damn good one at that), but let's not forget Jonathan's a teenager and teenagers have all sorts of dreams. Just like Jonathan, when I was 17, my plan was to leave my small town behind and go to the big city to attend college, which I did and then returned to my small town one year after graduating from law school because here's where my family lives and I didn't want to be away from them, primarily because of some family issues. And I think Jonathan would do the same. He wouldn't leave Joyce and Will behind - he'd either bring them along if he could or return to stay with them. The fact Jonathan doesn't want to go to college with that girlfriend of his and instead wants to attend community college to be near his mom and brother is proof of that. So, because of that, I headcanon Jonathan, Steve, and their daughter live with Hawkins, near their friends, family, and other loved ones.
#stranger things#stonathan#jonathan byers#steve harrington#Elizabeth Harrington-Byers#Harrington-Byers family#jonathan byers x steve harrington#steve harrington x jonathan byers#stonathan headcanons#byler#robin buckley
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Tagged by @soyouwinagain to post 6 photos from my camera roll in the past week, thank you comrade, I was hoping someone would tag me 🫡🫡 except then I had to go back a couple weeks otherwise all six photos would have been my dog at a cocktail garden.
Ivan Fedotov and Erik Johnson at Flyers training camp, Fedotov in full Russian saint mode; a flower outside of an Indian restaurant; Yankees outfielders running away from each other and I'm so mad I only got them running back to position bc they were being SO cute while a reliever was warming up; Keats at the aforementioned cocktail garden, he was sweatin'; giant rotting boat outside of Ikea; boxes containing all of my earthly possessions.
#having a good day 😭 went to rittenhouse to hang with sierra while they did work then went to a flyers rally and got free stuff#heroically refrained from asking flyers reporters about danny briere's plan for eetu mäkiniemi during the q&a#took the bus all by myself!!!! an actualy achievement lol i'm so scared of buses and i was so worried i would end up in like delaware#but i did not i ended up at my house#so now i feel much more confident about taking the bus..exposure therapy LMAO#went to a pizza place near me i have not been too and it FUCKS#my new favorite thing to do rn is if i can eat anything on the menu and its super slow in the restaurant is to ask#what the cashier or server recommends. way better than if i were just panicking and ordered cheese pizza#i need to start unpacking my art supplies and bathe my dog but overall...VERY good day so far#if the padres and the phillies pull through we'll be in good shape#OH!!!! AND EVERYONE BEING SO SO BRAVE FOR TEAM LIFT FEST!!!#ME N MAX ARE SOOOO PROUD OF EVERYONE AND I'M SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT THE NEXT TWO WEEKS BRINGS!!!!#i've been having some frustrations with myself bc there was a lot of stuff i should have scaled down and didn't#and my ethos running this w max is way different than fth but none of the sign up materials reflect that#which i'm frustrated with myself for not thinking through more carefully and conscientiously#even tho going into this we knew so much of the fest was going to be us throwing puddy at the wall and seeing what sticks#but i have been frustrated with myself for not thinking through how materials like the sign up form don't reflect the like spirit of how we#wanted to run it#so it's really nice to see that people are being really brave and getting excited for each other and getting excited for what's#being offered#i'm sooooo excited!!!!!!!!!#ok i'm done lol i have to finish this soda and face the disaster that is how i packed my art supplies#when i can do art again. know.#fresno oilers.txt
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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Trying to get ahead of an unsustainability cycle that might be starting up this week,,, (I start work).
#this turned into a bit of a rant whoops#mypost#have been chilling recovering from breast reduction the last month#steadily helping my mom out around the house more and more#but neow imma be working a ~35hr week (not including commute times during rush hour rip)#starting tmr#and I’m remembering that 1) it takes me more time to shower bc I have to be careful with boobz. also I have to wash my bra every night bc da#scars can’t get infected. so the whole process of showering is connected to also washing and drying my bra and putting on lotions n such so#it takes an hour minimum#2) doing stuff for my mom… is always spontaneous and urgent and takes up more time/energy than I think#3) my mom is bad at food stuff on a personal level and that’s transferring to the household bc a lot of stuff including a) she’s hella busy#and stressed. b) the price of food 💀keeps goin up ayoo. c) she is restricting herself to only eating twice a day??? idk why????#d) she also considers a meal to be anything she throws together no matter how unbalanced/nontasty it is#e) I’m also so bad at cooking/meal prep/etc but lowkey have a Thing abt food rn and cannot eat random junk even if I’m v hungry#. all this to say: idk how to do my household duties (communicating with mom. nightly dishes. small stuff that builds) when I have a feeling#imma be hella hungry this whole week.#WAIT I FORGOT THO IMMA BE MAKING MONEYYYY 💰 💴 💵 so I can pay for lunch at work ayooo#((not thinking abt budgeting atm lol 😬. I’m fortunate enough to have a 529 plan for college so semester times are all g)#4) I’m also doing two coursera courses atm (personal finance for young adults and Good With Words) …. I will prob not be able to get much#done in these courses when I have a full week rip#5) I gotta prepare for abroad (applying for visa. dealing with large government structures 😭😭😭) and in general attend to my emails#all dis. hmm#oh and also personal upkeep: gotta order eczema lotion. gotta get in contact with doctors abt leg and jaw PT. gotta follow thru with PT.#falling behind on a productive schedule while balancing my moms needs and my needs and my long-term health/personal project stuff is gonna#be difficult…#hm#writing this out is. hm.#all g all g I am a young adult I gotta handle this stuff now 🧑#great freedom = great responsibility and all that shiz#FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE TO EXERCISE TOO FUCK!!!! DANG NABBIT
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put on tshirt after doing yardwork (cuz i got hot) and my mom immediately commented "look at YOU in bArE aRmS"
so i put on my long shirt again
#me and my mom#no matter how upset i get or tell her to keep her comments to herself... she won't#i'll knit a whole-ass fucking sweater and she'll immediately say 'it's too short'#thank u for invalidating every fucking thing i do and/or make#i made beef stew and it actually turned out good but all she could say was 'the house smells like onions.'#and then i'll see a job listing for something i don't have experience with/can't do and she'll get mad at me and aggressively#tell me 'you can do anything! library work translates to (job field that library work doesn't translate to)'#and it's just so frustrating bc she obviously has this idea of me in her head and i just don't match up#the whiplash from the 'you are so smart and you can do anything!' abt hypothetical things to the 'it's too short' abt things i actually do#'i don't like the color' 'i don't like the neckline' 'i don't wear wool' (it's not a sweater i made for anyone but me)#'oh look at you wEaRiNg ShOrTs' 'oh look at you wEaRiNg a sKiRt'#and danny got fat and she keeps commenting on it and all i can assume is that it's ALSO a comment on my putting on weight#but then we eat at fucking Popeye's for lunch twice a week#and no matter how much i say 'please stop making me eat junk food' we keep going#she doesn't leave the house on her own. she won't let me leave the house on my own#i had more freedom as a 16yo than i do now#wonder why i'm so FUCKING miserable and depressed all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i left a decent-paying job! for nothing!! i'm just sitting here and rotting and the library system here sucks and they STILL haven't#gotten back to me even though i applied in FUCKING DECEMBER#she can't finish a meal anywhere so anywhere we go i have to eat half of her lunch. so it's not stuff i would pick anyway#how do you even apply for jobs and put anything in your 'skills' when you're so fucking miserable you wish you were dead
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#i am going to scream#my grandads got a hospital appointment at 3 tomorrow#so after work today i've got to go and get him and bring him back here#then finish work early tomorrow and take him then take him back home#so thats 3 hours of driving tomorrow#and now hes just phoned saying hes got an appointment on friday at a different hospital#and im off work on friday and now i know im gonna have to take him to this as well#and i obvs its more important than anything i'd be doing#but i thought we'd agreed with him that for the appointments in cambridge he'd get ataxi there and someone would meet him there#because the driving is just too much#and its costing so much as well#but apparently not seen as i've got to do all the driving#all he's doing tomorrow is going on a treadmill for 6 minutes and having an echo its not like hes having an op or anything#and after my week off for my birthday getting fucked up by it all im like i just want time to do what i want to do you know#but most of all i just fucking hate driving i hate it so much i would be happy never to drive ever again#and now i'm being made to fucking drive when i dont want to#but i know im just being selfish and need to get over it#also completely unrelated by im pretty sure the old lady who opposite us has died#she used to be a dinner lady at my primary school#because her house has been cleared out and they keep leaving stuff on the front lawn#for people to take for free#but we've not heard that she's died#but i dont think they'd be clearing the house like that if she's just moved#but someone just full on parked on the pavement to look at the stuff......... you cant park there mate jadhgajygdhwdw#stacey speaks
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Well! I started remodeling the house sooo long ago (original post of it back in 2018), then got distracted and forgot it in the closet for a long time, ignored it on and off, etc... Then, finally finished the house in 2022. THEN, I forgot about the pictures I took of it in 2022, and am now posting them in 2024.. A good example of how the timeline of my side craft projects usually go lol
But, at least I do have the photos now, so... finally sharing them !
I just used a blue sheet as a 'sky' and a green sweater with some fake flowers on it to try to look like it was on grass lol...
(more images under the readmore)
The bedroom-
The library/potion room -
The living room area-
Then the little kitchen
The pictures are not very good, but these are the best I could find? I filmed a video of me working on the whole thing (who knows when that will be out..if it took me TWO years just to post the photos lol), so I think while I was taking the pictures, I was thinking “eh, they don’t have to be great, since I’ll show it in more detail in the video :3″, but now I kind of regret not having more actual detail shots or anything.
(sidenote: I'm pretty sure I've posted better pictures of some of the individual rooms before though too? sometime before I had added the finishing touches but when they were basically done and looked almost the same as these. so maybe it's okay that these are kind of bad lol)
I think progress on it also stalled a bit due to the pandemic starting, since like 90% of the stuff in here is random things I found at the bins (giant goodwill donation center where you dig through tubs of various items all thrown together), so once I couldn’t go out to the bins anymore, I lost my method of hunting for new items, and just had to work with whatever scraps I already had or could make myself with very few materials/tools. The bins is a really large and always crowded place, so it's still not safe for me to go with current community transmission levels lol... who knows when I shall be able to use it to get dirt cheap crafting supplies ever again.. T o T
ANYWAY! It was a fun little project, even though of course it's a little rough around the edges and not exactly as I'd envisioned lol. As usual, I always enjoy the MAKING of things the most, yet then have no idea what to do with the finished project, since the process is what's enjoyable to me.
I think I'm going to take all the glued down furniture out of it and then repaint it, then maybe donate the base house back to the same thrift store I found it at. Like completing some sort of crafting circle of life or something lol
slowly making some progress on the doll house I’m trying to remodel!
#In a crafting mood today... to think about crafts. not that I've done them lol.. it's too hot and evil and stinky right now.#But I do really want to get into sculpting more soon as well. I think that would be good to pick up doing regulalry again. like even just#one once a month would still be 12 sculptures a year. That's cool. I suppose..#I have definitely not gotten 2000 words a day done working on my game recently lol... there has been so much going on. But I'm#trying to stay focused. If I could just juggle like.. THREE things.. sculptures. posting costume pictures regulalry (since I ltierally#already have a lot done I just have to POST them). and working on my game... just three measly things... three things blease... *my brain#shaking it's head ''no'' in the corner very nonchalantly. my health issues cackling maniacally in the other corner*#aanyway... augh... trying to go through some tumblr drafts and like... maybe post some of them soon.#Since it's not like I cando much in the evil hot summer anyway. I could at least try to like clear out my drafts and prepare#all the costume photos and other things so everything is ready to post. and then I can just kind of get through things.#maybe FINALLY have a backlog of stuff cleared and Start Anew or something. Hence me trying to finally clear these pictures from#TWO YEARS ago out of my folder they've just been gathering dust in on the computer lol#AT LEAST I have gotten some worldbuilding done. like I havent done writing on the game but I've done planning. Since I realized#that in order to potray life in the city the game takes place in accurately then like.... i need to know what that lfe is actually like?#like it's a fantasy place. do they have indoor plumbing? do most poeple cook? what is the housing system like? where to people use the#bathroom? etc. And also even like.. how do they tell time pre-electricity? do they have magical electricity? do they#use water clocks? or a bell in the center of town that rings at certain times? if so - what are the times? how does this culture break up#their days? etc. etc. So of course i made the whole elven calendar and day and time distinctions and etc gjjhb.. Just because ONE#character was like 'i got up at 3am' and then I thought... wait... what IS 3am to them? would they even HAVE the designation#3am??? in this global city in the middle of an elven country??? I also worked out the neighboring areas outside of the global city#and the trade route and river that run through the main city and got the layout and names and stuff. which I SHOULD have done sooner like#generally that'd be the FIRST things you start with as a base. But since it's so character focused it really hasn't come up until now. sinc#youre mostly just learning about the people themselves. But now that things are strating to branch out and some places where people referen#ce daily life or the envrionment rather than just running their little shops its like.. hmm.... yeah... i should know these things#WHICH is indeed literally my favorite part of everything. I wish I could just worldbuild always without having to write or do anything#special with it. but alas... lol... dense textbook style text is much less broadly accessible than an interactive game. But I could spend#hours days weeks and so on just making up little rivers and cities and characters and calendars and etc.. wistful sigh. so on and so forth#BUT YEAH..a nyway... doll house updates.. clearing the drafts..hewwo
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Okay so I'm not in the hurricane evacuation zone by any means but I do live in a horrendously natural disaster-prone region SO!! Here are the best tips I've gotten for surviving in a disaster zone.
1) Write your name and your emergency contact's phone number in DARK PERMANENT INK somewhere visible on your skin (wrist is good) so if you're unconscious or dead emergency response can ID you and get in contact with your family/friends
2) If you have any particular medical needs or conditions write that too!! Specific medications + doses, warning signs and symptoms to watch for, etc
3) During the disaster, if your circumstances change or may change soon, record a new voicemail message explaining these changes so anyone who calls you knows your most recent status and location. Whatever details you think might help!
4) Stock up on Rx meds before pharmacies close. Get some OTC meds too and make a watertight and portable first aid kit. If you're gonna be in flood conditions and your Rx bottles aren't fully sealed, wrap the lids with duct tape to make a tight seal. If you've got tampons and pads in the house, stuff those babies in there! Good for everything from periods, to bloody noses and open wounds in an emergency! Plus they're super absorbent and can be used to temporarily block up small spaces and cracks
5) If there's no bottled water left in stores buy the biggest and cheapest bottles of soda you can, dump them out, and fill them with fresh water. If you have sinks and bathtubs that aren't expected to flood, fill those bad boys up with fresh water, too. Store as much water as you can!!
6) Put all important documents such as Social Security cards, birth certificates, marriage certificates, or anything else you want to save into waterproof bags. Ziplock baggies double sealed with duct tape along the closed seams are great! Double bag if needed!
7) Special cool new thing I learned about hurricanes that I'm probably the last dumbass on earth to know but just in case I'm not: even if a hurricane makes landfall as a Cat 3, if it was a Cat 5 over the ocean on approach it will bring in Cat 5 surge. Downgrading the wind speed doesn't downgrade the flood potential
8) TAKE THE BACKROADS OUT OF MAJOR CITIES OH MY GOD PLS DONT GET STUCK ON THE FREEWAYS IT'S HELL
9) Last but not least, if you can't afford to evacuate or don't have a place to stay, some people under videos and posts tagged with current natural disasters are offering temporary places to crash for those in affected areas for free!! I've seen multiple cases now of people offering up their guest rooms or couches to evacuees and their pets in the last week that have worked out ❤️
If anyone else has more tips, and more experience with this type of disaster specifically, please add on!! Love you all and hope everyone stays safe 💕
#dude im so scared of hurricanes like what do u mean 13 ft surge waters. hello??? anyway thats actually insane#hoping you all stay safe ❤️😭#hurricane milton#hurricane#natural disasters#florida#hurricane preparedness#disaster preparedness#sending my love as a pnw girly in the mega earthquake mudslide lahar volcano zone to all my hurricane flordia girlies rn 😭
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Smalltown!Neglected!Meta!Reader x Yandere!Batfam ☁️ Part One
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
Part Two ☁️ Part Three ☁️ Part Four ☁️ Part Five ☁️ Part Six ☁️ Part Seven ☁️ Part Eight
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
A/N: I’ve been hyper fixated on Batfam and DC in general for the past two months, and this is what my brain has been cooking. This is based on an fem!OC I made, but I converted it to GN!Reader. Or attempted to. Might write an official one with the oc. I don’t know. I’m new at this stuff and doing this on mobile to boot.
Warning(s): Yandere themes, Obsessive behavior
Reader grows up happy, healthy, a safe away from Gotham
Momma and Daddy (step-father) adore their darling reader
Daddy is kind and understanding; gives good advice, encourages reader, comforts reader after nasty break ups
Momma is sassy and a bit possessive of her baby reader
Momma never tells reader anything about their biological father (He was a big city playboy that missed the court date for custody is all she said)
Reader has a much younger half-brother from Momma and Daddy, who reader also adores
Little Brother’s are annoying, but you have so many interest in common
Suddenly Momma and Daddy are dead; (tragic accident or murdered)
Reader’s Bio Father, Bruce Wayne is called and flies into town via Private Jet and whisk you off to Gotham
Bruce can’t get custody over half-brother due to Reader’s step-grandparents fighting him.
(They tried to keep Reader too, but blood is thicker than water in the eyes of the court. And, Bruce has enough money to make that water run dry)
Bruce isn’t exactly like Momma described, he’s distant and a bit cold with reader. (Like he doesn’t know what to do.)
Bruce gets upset when Reader talks about missing Momma and Daddy, especially when Reader talks about Daddy.
Bruce doesn’t introduce Reader to the family right away.
Reader doesn’t see anyone, but Bruce and Alfred for the first week at the manor.
Bruce avoids reader, but gets upset when Reader ignores him
Reader starts researching their new family. Everything they can find in the media, even the company.
(Family Buisness funds the Justice League? Gotham gains a new Vigilante almost every time Bruce gains a new kid? Jason Todd’s death and reappearance. Suspicious…)
Reader finally meets the others.
First up Cassandra.
Quite, but watches reader like she knows all of reader’s secrets. (That’s terrifying.)
Reader’s instincts scream that she’s dangerous (Reader trusts those instincts.)
Reader is still nice, they get along. Cass rather be alone, but it’s cool. They’re cool.
Second up is Duke.
Duke is great. Official bro. Passes all the vibe checks. (Most normal one in this house.)
Reader’s meta abilities go haywire around him, so Reader needs to be careful. (Reader’s not sharing that secret yet. Not till they share what Reader suspects is their secret)
Third, Dick and Barbara.
Dick is a whirlwind, coddling and pitying, treating reader like a sweet helpless child then leaving. (He’s a busy popular man)
Barbara is polite, but a stranger.
Reader tries to be friendly, but can’t get past the stranger stage.
Fourth Stephanie.
Stephanie politely ignores reader, but reader genuinely wants to hang out. (Similar interest, close in age. Please, can we be friends? ……….)
Reader says they’ll keep trying (It happens… eventually….)
Fifth, Tim.
Tim just brushes Reader off with a blank look and disappears.
Reader can never find Tim. (Always in the cave, at work, on patrol. He’s a busy busy busy sleepy man that avoids even the mention of Reader)
(Stephanie hangs out with Tim though, but they still ignore reader. It’s fine. Reader is fine. It doesn’t hurt.)
Sixth is Jason.
Jason is mean.
Calls reader spoiled, says reader a an ignorant privileged princess, Daddy’s pet, a brat, etc.
But, then leaves when reader starts to snap back.
(He looks like he’s struggling not to strangle reader almost every time reader sees him.)
Seventh is the youngest and reader’s half brother.
Reader is excited to meet him, reader already has a younger half-brother. Having two sounds even better!
Damian is cruel
It breaks reader’s heart.
Damian either ignores reader, or mocks reader viscously. He’ll push and shove and throw things at reader. (Won’t draw a weaponed though, he’s past that.)
He brushes off all of Reader’s attempts at sibling bonding.
All this goes on for a few months.
Reader tries so hard to get close to everyone, but they’re either avoid her, ignore her, are cruel, or they just don’t have the time.
Reader’s life in Gotham is… different.
Reader’s a commodity, and, surprisingly enough, most people like Reader
School Friendships form, which reader worries are because they’re a Wayne child
(Which is true, but not in the way Reader thinks; hint: it involves other types of night avians)
Teacher’s appreciate a humble Wayne (Damian goes to the same school, Reader is a relief to teach)
Reader is quite talented, not a prodigy, not extraordinary. Just extremely approachable.
But, like all good things there is a downside.
Reader wants to spend time with their new friends.
They’re invited to Galas, lunches, brunches, vacations, shopping, etc.
And Reader WANTS to go
But, Bruce won’t let them
It’s not safe
(Which Reader understands, that’s why they never really explore Gotham, but still brunch couldn’t hurt, right?)
So Reader has no one to lean on or connect with. It’s isolating.
Instead Reader spends hours talking on the phone to their old friends and family back in their small town.
There’s a silver lining though: Things are going to get better before they get worse
So much worse
#dc x reader#batfam#batfam x reader#batfamily#batfamily x reader#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#yandere dc#yandere batboy#yandere x reader#yandere bruce wayne#platonic batfam#gn reader#fem reader#yandere dick grayson#Yandere Cassandra cain#yandere tim drake#yandere alfred pennyworth#yandere damian wayne#yandere jason todd#yandere stephanie brown#yandere Duke Thomas#smalltown!reader
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it's just that there's a few more steps you have to take that other people don't have to take, but they don't see the steps, so they think you should be able to hop from moment to moment, a chickadee.
it isn't getting out of bed. it is the weight, the hook in your chest, the anchor. you have to move the anchor first. you have to silence your alarm, but your phone is in your hand, which means now you have to put the phone down, which is too-hard. you get stuck in there for a while, the white screen, mindlessly scrolling. you don't even like this activity, have tried a few other options but - here you are, and time is passing.
you've googled iron deficiency causes depression and if i drink enough water does it help with mental illness and anxiety but no caffiene within the last two weeks, like how you googled am i gay quiz at 17.
it isn't just calling the doctor back, it's the anxiety, it's these little moths in your lung cavities, furious and fluttering. you need to figure out how to capture your fingers from between their nervous bodies. you are an adult, you can say the words yes hi, i'm calling because i need - but you need to practice first. maybe write it down because what if you misspeak, wouldn't that be embarrassing. write it down, but you need to find a pen first. well, actually, your desk is kind of messy. you should get a new pen. you should get a new organizational system. you should try journaling.
your grades in school were always strange. the way teachers would say things like it feels like you're not trying. you could touch stars in the stuff you cared about. well, sometimes. god be willing. homework average zero. oops! your english teacher's wrinkled brow: i know you know this stuff. what the fuck are you doing?
it isn't the showering, it's the mirror before the shower and the soft horrible pull of your naked physique. you have to avoid eye contact completely or else it'll be 93 minutes later and you'll have picked at your skin until every little pore is bleeding. you have to stand up but standing is tiring and also you should have remembered to buy more soap but you never remember anything. maybe get out of the shower and while it's still running and you're still dripping wet, use your phone to take a note. make a note to get your groceries. let the shower run while you stand half-in half-out and get lost in your phone for a moment. come back out when the water runs cold and now you have to sprint to get ready.
your grandmother's frown. you're just being lazy. protestant work ethics in a house that isn't even protestant. she says she just learned different but she means learned better, doesn't she.
it's not that you can't send the email, it's that your hands have been hurting lately and the desk really is messy and also why the fuck would you even care about this thing? doesn't everyone else feel like they're drowning? hi brendon thanks so much for sending! will review and get back to you shortly. but now you're on the internet, close the tab with tumblr on it. go on, close it. feel the little soft vapor of boredom come up and over your eyeteeth and make everything overwhelming and itchy.
literally all you have to do is put on shoes to go outside. you're literally already dressed, that's the hard part of this whole thing. literally just put the shoes on. just... do it! do it! this shit is easy!
it's literally that easy. just stop taking all those stupid invisible steps. stop following your strange made-up rules. times like this, even you're positive you're faking. you just don't want to bother with the cleaning and the cooking and the being-an-adult.
but then - shouldn't you be able to put these stupid shoes on? nobody's even looking. go on kid. life is out there! just take the leap!
get moving.
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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sick || matt sturniolo
matt x fem!reader
summary: reader is taking care of sick Matt
warnings: pure fluff
word count: 1k
a/n: how can you be sick and still looking like matt did? I think its only him...
I was excited to see Matt but in the same time I knew something was off when he texted me this morning to come over but than he did not answer anymore. Him and his brothers were doing this challenge that they are separated for a week for the first time and today Nick left for Japan with Madison and Matt was left alone. I was off work now so I decided to drive to his house. I walked in using my finger print on their lock and locked the door back behind me.
“Matt?” I called but no one answered me.
I frowned and walked up the stairs and when I did not see him on the couch or in the kitchen I went to his room. It was all dark so I left the doors open to see.
“Matt?” I asked and I looked at him. He was in the bed wrapped in his comforter.
I came closer and sat down next to him. He was sleeping. His cheeks were flushed and his hair were sticking to his sweaty forehead. I saw an empty bottle of water and termometr on this night stand.
“Oh my poor baby” I whispered.
I didn’t see him for some time now and all I wanted to do now was to snuggle with him and take care of him. I was so sad he got sick on the week he was off work and stuff. It’s like his body knew it could let go.
I took my attention back to him as he started to cough and he quickly sat down and sneezed.
“Hi baby” I sad smiling sadly and have him a tissue from the night stand.
“Y/n what are you doing here? What time is it?” He asked with his very raspy voice.
“It’s past 5, you are sick. Why didn’t you text me? I would bring you stuff” I said.
He looked at me as he cleaned his nose and he put away the used napkin.
“I’m sorry baby, I practically slept the whole day I knew I was going to text you but my phone was too far away. I feel like shit” he said.
“I can’t believe ve I got sick and can’t kiss you right now. I missed you so much” he said with a very sad tone and his eyes dropped.
“Shhh… it’s okay” I came closer and I wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t protest and rested his head on my shoulder.
“Did you take anything for the fever?” I asked and when he shook his head I rolled my eyes.
“Okay. Do you guys even have any medicine at home?” I asked again and he shook his head again.
“Dear God Matt what was your plan? Die from fever and dehydration? “ I rubbed his back.
“You’re all sweaty… you should shower to feel a bit better and I’ll change your sheets and will DoorDash everything we need to make you feel better” I say moving away a bit.
He looked at me and nod. He rested his back in the bed and looked around and grabbed his phone from under all the pillows and he handed it to me.
“Use my DoorDash with my card please” he said and I didn’t want to argue with him looking like that.
I stand up and I offer him my arm to help him get up and when he does he instantly shivers.
“Okay… sit down I’ll go and turn water on so the bathroom will be warm for you” I said and quickly went to do that and than when we was in the shower I got him fresh pj’s and put it in the bathroom for him as well as I change his sheets and order things. I ordered medicine, stuff for making soup and pasta, electrolytes and his favorite drinks and snacks.
I went around living room and kitchen to tidy a bit and put a blanket on the couch.
“You are the best…” he said as he stepped into the living room.
“Go seat on the couch the stuff will be there soon. I’ll make soup and homemade pasta. It will take some time but I know how much you like” I say and he comes closer to me and brings me back to his chest.
“I’m sorry I’m sick….” He whispered.
“Don’t be sorry it’s not like you could control it. It’s all good I want you to rest and let me take care of you without worrying” I kissed his cheek.
“I wish I could kiss you but I don’t want you to get sick” he said moving away.
“ I know….” I smiled and send him on the couch again.
When the stuff got here, he took the meds and I started cooking. He needed to vlog so he did w bit.
“Matt for the love of good put this hoodie back on. How can you have 101 fever and look this good? Also never mind get under the fucking blankets or no soup for you” I said I noticed him shirtless.
“But it’s so hot, this meds broke me. What if I’m dying?” He asked looking at me from the couch.
“You’re not, you are just a man with a cold right now. I know it might seems like dying but you’re not” I said very seriously.
He rolled his eyes on me and got under the blanket. When food was ready we were eating it on the couch and talking a bit about Nick and Chris and his time in Boston when I was telling him about work and what I was doing when he wasn’t here when I’d we talked almost every day.
“Thank you for the food it was so good. I feel so much better now” he said and he lay down with his head in my lap.
“You know what always makes me feel better when I’m sick?” I asked with w smile and started to play with his hair.
“I know, I know. We can watch Harry Potter movies together “ he said.
#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo x reader
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