#i have too many song lyric ideas I need to just make amvs again
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laurellala-comics · 1 day ago
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ONE DAY I will finish AA3 and then I can start Apollo Justice and FINALLY learn what the heck Kristoph Gavin's freaking DEAL is, and then I will make the most amazing set of song lyric based drawings using "Cream and bastards Rise" by Harvey Danger and everyone will smile and clap at how cool and awesome it is. TRUST THE VISION GUYS I'm like 80% sure the plot is gonna match up here. Do you see.
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multi-lefaiye · 2 years ago
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1 and 9 (amv) for Spencer F. Middleton from the gas station 🥺 pwease uwu
oh thank you so much for indulging me <3333 hate and love this bitch so fucking much <3333
An ironic song that isn't really that ironic
A significant chunk of my Spencer Middleton playlist is ironic ASDFJK;L it has a few songs that I actually really hate. However, it'll be a cold day in hell before I do actual analysis/discussion for money machine, so I'll talk about a song I do like that I put in his playlist for irony reasons and later realized actually works kinda well.
That song being Build A Bitch by Bella Poarch!
Short version: I very much headcanon Spencer as someone who definitely had the potential to be at least a decent person. Maybe not a good one, but an okay one. I do very much think that ostracization he faced for showing ~scary~ mental illness symptoms contributed in large part to him becoming who he is. I don't say that to absolve him of anything, but I think it played a large part in him making the choices he did.
At the very least, I do very much think that Spencer has the vibes of like. "Oh you hate me for being a bitch?? Ok I'll be more of one <333" but instead of being like. Mean to someone on Twitter or something, he's actively killing people.
All of which is very epitomized by these lines:
This ain't build a bitch (a bitch) I'm filled with flaws and attitude So if you need perfect, I'm not built for you (yeah)
A song for a trailer or amv of a character
OH SO SO MANY!!!! I pretty much exclusively fill my playlists with songs I'd love to make AMVs to. However, I will pick just one,,,,,,,,, I was gonna do one that I think would be fun to explore my headcanons for him with, but I'll just talk about one that I think would be kinda fun <3 And also once again show that I am jencer trash (derogatory) (affectionate).
That being Nice Guys Finish Last by Cobra Starship! Essentially I had the thought of it as like... a jencer vs jantonio AMV. 100% a shitpost about both Antonio and Spencer being Very Into Jack and Spencer insisting like "oh well you're too nice so there's no way that Jack would like YOU 😉 we all know he'd rather have a ~bad boy~" <3
Do I think this is an actual dynamic that would happen in canon? Oh absolutely not. But I had the idea come to me and I thought it was funny so <3 And these are two of my favorite ships in this fandom so. Yes <3
And the lyrics I want to highlight:
You got style, you got grace But, kid, you try so hard She just laughs in your face Yeah, you're a nice guy With the wrong attitude She want a bad boy
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sepublic · 4 years ago
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Belos the Cabinet Man!
           MAJOR kudos to @funnyfany for introducing me to Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon, because as they said… This song is PERFECT for someone like Emperor Belos, and just in general slaps! Like, it honestly really describes my read on him? In fact, why don’t I peel and dissect the lyrics to see how they could easily apply to him;
The day they found me, I hadn’t yet been played
Inside my workshop behind my old arcade
Electric desires had unraveled all my wires
Now I’m in the box for safekeeping
           These lyrics allude to Belos’ obvious motifs of technology, as well as him having a ‘workshop’, which ties to his work on the portal! But there’s also the concept of him being rather ancient, as well as needing to be protected because he’s vulnerable in the end; Such as by metal armor, instead of a box?
The news reporters reported that I died
But all my organs were living on inside
Circuit board to brain with two lungs collecting change
One big human heart gently beeping
           The first line immediately makes me think of Perry Porter, but it also makes me think about what the ‘Unauthorized Author’ had to say, about Belos retreating into his castle, and people speculating that he had big plans while he let Kikimora and others be his public face. Again, there’s more machine-flesh imagery, as well as the obvious allusion to a giant beating heart. Two lungs collecting change can allude to Belos and his greedy hunger for power and bile.
You can’t win me, I can’t be beat
I won’t hurt you, unless you cheat
You can’t see me behind the screen
I’m half human and half machine
           We’ve got Belos boasting how invincible he is, but it can also refer to how the Coven System is a lose-lose situation, that either you go off and be alone and persecuted as an individual, OR you conform and became safe, but lose your identity in the process!
          We have Belos alluding to how he can be a merciful dude unless you really piss him off; And that line about cheating reminds me of how the Coven System seeks out only the most ‘worthy’ of people, and how this mentality has affected characters like Amity, who by consequence despise cheating!
          Or how Boscha’s bullying is mostly rude remarks… Until she feels like her attention is being ‘stolen’ by others, then she resorts to some brutal and even dangerous tactics in retaliation! To Belos, he just wants people to fit into their little spots, he’s offering them a nice little role and function in society, an actual place, he’s not a bad and malicious dude! Just a messenger… 
         Similarly, ‘cheating’ could be seen as doing magic the ‘wrong way’, because otherwise, competition to join the Emperor’s Coven and be the best is encouraged, so long as you engage with the system properly and play by its rules! You’re just not supposed to do Wild Magic, mix tracks, that sort of thing; Otherwise you WILL be persecuted by Belos!
          Then there’s the idea of Belos being hidden behind his mask, or just hidden in general (like when he spies on Luz, Willow, and Gus in his castle), and again, the biomechanical imagery! I can’t say for sure if he WAS human or not, because Belos definitely isn’t NOW, to say the least!
Thank God for business, they let me take the floor
I stood so proudly, like I was going to war
Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered
This must be what love would have felt like
           The Titan is responsible for Belos’ power (allegedly), as he claims to enforce its will. Belos’ art depicts him as standing above the rest, and him being VERY tall definitely helps… Then you have him going on a crusade against wild witches, being worshipped by many others, and POSSIBLY a connection to my speculation on him being a lonely individual who was never properly loved in the past, and is confusing this with distant worship…
          And really this just makes me think of other analyses of the Coven System as creating codependent relationships and hollow images to love VS that people actually are! Regardless, it also reminds me of Belos’ parasitic motifs, that last line, so you know!
Such dedication, they came from miles away
With eyes so piercing, they’d wait their turn to play
In perfect patient lines because I was in their minds
I could do whatever I felt like (Whatever I felt like)
           Students from Hexside literally travel miles to Belos’ castle on a field trip, and we have Eda mentioning how Lilith was so excited to meet him as children! Kids looking up to Belos, seeing him as someone to adulate, a role model even (with Lilith invoking him in her motives for the curse)… People literally dedicating their entire lives (and even those of their children) to Belos and his Coven! And of course, we have Belos having the power to do as he pleases, be it going back on his promise to Lilith, letting Luz rescue her friends because he has the portal anyway, etc.; It’s an almost nonchalant disregard of others for what matters to BELOS in the end…
I’m happy for years and years
And only eating the occasional maintenance man
Only driving a few kids to madness
Maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows?
           Skipping over some repeat lines, we have Belos being at the top for a while, and of course, draining palismans for their bile to restore his health! Kids going mad easily describes people like Lilith, Boscha, or Amity, who base their entire self-worth on joining the Emperor’s Coven, being at the top, and/or fitting in, to the point where Lilith even curses her own sister, Boscha brutally bullies those she sees as a threat to her popularity, while people like the Blight Parents abuse and indoctrinate their kids for social status!
          But then Belos speculates that, hey… HE didn’t make them do this! His system encouraged and enabled them, sure… But in the end it was their actions, which brings to mind how while influenced, none of these characters are entirely faultless either for their actions. Not only that, but it makes me think about how some people seem predisposed and outright embracing of what Belos has to say, as if even without his Coven System they would always be this kind of awful… Such as Warden Wrath, or again, the Blight Parents!
          That last line really makes me think about how different characters coped differently with the pressure, with some remaining good people, while others enabled themselves to do terrible things. Perhaps Belos merely revealed what was already there? Because it still says a lot about other people that they chose to believe and follow in him when others made the decision notto.
I only want to have fun
But now they’re telling me my days here are done
‘Cause there’s a little tiny box they make in Japan
And pretty soon it’s gonna fit in your hand
           Belos just wants to be at the top, he’s ‘just a humble messenger for the Titan’, and maybe like Luz in Episode 2 he just wanted to be special… But he’s also clearly past his expiration date and dying, too. Not only that, but we have a rival… Someone smaller than Belos both literally and in the metaphorical, underdog sense;
          A foreigner from a different land, one who can teach others to cast magic within their hands through Glyphs! There’s Belos, an Old Soul, being made obsolete and redundant by Luz and her Glyphs, which potentially function as a work-around to his coven bindings and draining of bile! Not to mention how her ideals also make Belos’ seem rather antiquated, don’t they? Not to mention the idea of power and control being in the hands of the people, not dependent upon a singular source like Belos…
          His short-lived reign is being actively threatened by Luz’s presence, which Belos acknowledges as having changed everything… And really, it just reminds me of how characters like Boscha enjoyed being at the top as a result of Belos’ influence, only to feel threatened when others come along and ‘steal’ that glory!
It’s getting lonely, it’s getting hard to breathe
The arcade’s empty, I think it’s Christmas Eve
Someone’s broken in, now they’re painting on my skin
Breaking me and taking my quarters
Bashing in my face with a crowbar
Kicking me and pushing me over
Now they see my blood on their sneakers
           Literally the first thing we see of Belos is him having labored breathing… And again, there’s this idea that he’s being left behind as obsolete, he’s reclusive and retreated into his castle and doesn’t let others near him; He’s at the top, and it’s a lonely place! It’s the Eve of Christmas, Christmas is right around the corner, just as the Day of Unity is approaching, when;
          The next few lines invoke the image of Luz breaking into Belos’ castle/the conformatorium… And if you go by the idea that the Castle is a part of Belos, Luz and co. vandalizing the treasury as akin to vandalizing Belos’ own body! Not to mention the three stealing Belos’ relics… And of course, Luz ‘bashing in’ Belos’ face/mask with an ice spike! Only to realize that there’s clearly a LOT more body horror to Belos than she anticipated…! Realizing that Belos is linked to the very ground and earth she stands upon, and boy can he manipulate it!
           After that, the song ends with some repeat lyrics; But all-in-all, I would LOVE to see, someday, someone else (or maybe even myself) do an AMV of Emperor Belos, but with Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon! Compiled entirely of various clips that allude to the lyrics I mentioned earlier, that’d be a lot of fun and if I knew how to do video edits I could do it myself one day!
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your-brilliant-lady-m · 4 years ago
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South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective
I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between. 
I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...
I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle. 
Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.
Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there. 
In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song. 
And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw. 
Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.
As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music. 
The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences. 
1. Idol
These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.
But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.
“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.
The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”
Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:
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And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary: 
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This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common. 
Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity 
By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach. 
But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.
What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage? 
I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system. 
2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy
Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place. 
In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his. 
Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires. 
Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel. 
3. Fans, stans and fandom culture
We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case. 
Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations. 
In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it? 
A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves. 
In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).
Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder? 
And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns. 
Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.
People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”. 
Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.
Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable. 
Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.
And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? 
While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people. 
Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons. 
But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help. 
4. Industry, companies and liars 
At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.
Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here. 
In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense. 
As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too. 
During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system. 
You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.
Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous. 
But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.
If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.   
“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”
“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music” 
A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.
“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”
“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”
“She is dancing like an elementary school student“
“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“
“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”
“Listening to you was tiring”
“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”
“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was” 
While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much. 
Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do. 
Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others. 
“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”
The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something. 
5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”
“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”
Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date. 
Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?
Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.
What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this. 
Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music? 
Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”
I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?
In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences. 
K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions. 
“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”
But is it really a paradise?
Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.
Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.
“I developed a lot of eating disorders”
“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“
“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”
If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does. 
Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether. 
Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.
“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”
“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“
“They are humans, who have feelings!”
Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.
So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.
This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.
And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour. 
This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl. 
Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment. 
6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”
A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question. 
“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”
“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”
“It’s not what you think”
“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“
“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”
And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.
7. Moving on
I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.
Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.
When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.
8. Conclusion
To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.  
You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness. 
It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. 
If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?
“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”
“Thank you for your music!”
“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”
“It inspired me to write again!”
“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”
“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”
“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”
“Stay strong! You rock!”
I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move. 
I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!
Do it, you cowards!
And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time! 
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i3utterflyeffect · 5 years ago
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under a cut because this got VERY LONG and VERY RAMBLY
i just wanted to compare this song to tpoh (yes i know it has its own story but that’s not what we’re talking about today)
( if you need to copy-paste: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80sl53M0L6s )
hear me out here because this may seem like a stretch at first but when you see it all down on paper it’ll make more sense I pROMISE--
i’m gonna try and put images in for better readability, so it isn’t just a big ol’ slab of text-- i’m also gonna be skipping lines that i don’t really feel correlate, but most of them do so like. it’s fine lol.
"Don't go across, the longer road's safer, watch as the bolt's trajectory wavers."
RGB talks a lot about detours and taking different paths to throw (presumably) Hate off his tracks, and it makes me think of that!!!!
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“Learn it by heart, now the hardest part comes--”
RGB has gone through so many Heroes he’s pretty much learned the cycle by heart, and he’s almost running off a script-- Meanwhile, ‘the hardest part’ makes me think of that line from Suture when he’s breaking it to Hero that she can’t go back!
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“--When staggering doubt paralyzes you,” 
kind of obvious, but this part goes hand-in-hand with Hero being ‘consumed by doubt’--
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“And then, you fall apart like a house of cards, might as well disregard it as a cursory mantra.”
as i said before with the ‘now the hardest part comes’ line, RGB has rehearsed this talk a bunch of times with different heroes so it’s like a ‘cursory mantra’ at this point--
“[ ... ] It's getting harder to act like I don't really care,”
do i even need to say it lol
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“I'm sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear...”
I’m sure i’m not the only one who noticed this but RGB actually does look a little hurt when Hero lashes out at him? anyway he cared a lot more about her in the beginning than he let on
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I’m aware of the whole Russian segment in the middle (there’s a translation in the captions as well) but the lyrics don’t really make me think of anything in particular honestly-- the MUSIC CHANGE, however, definitely makes me think of the dream segments and if i WERE to make an amv that would be where I’d put the dream segments anyway-- that’s all i have to say on that part
“[ ... ] In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand,”
again, not sure i even need to say it, but
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“[ ... ] ‘Strong enough to let it go,’ he says, but, darling, I don't know!”
This part makes me think of Hero’s choice to move past RGB betraying her-- but, of course, moving past it ≠ forgiving it, so she’s still mad at him (obviously)
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“This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low...”
This isn’t RGB’s first time recruiting a Hero-- and he’s sunk ‘lower than the low’ a LOT, and-- as much as we all love him-- we all pretty much just agree he’s a coward, a liar, a thief, and a petty bastard. Even RGB himself agrees on these points. It also makes me think of Click’s confrontation-- since it’s pretty obvious he considers RGB stealing their lives away to be ‘sinking lower than the low’.
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“How hard can it be to never let it overflow? Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago.”
RGB has expressed-- though nonverbally-- that he still regrets that he let his Heroes died. And like..... ‘how hard can it be to never let it overflow’ is basically his mantra considering how much he bottles up. He’s also gotten used to generally being disliked-- if not hated-- by almost everyone in TWOMB, and also just to feeling bad about himself (someone PLEASE get this man a therapist)
“[...] Through the haze and through the maw of the grinder, I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all.” no deep analysis on this one it just makes me think of when RGB and Hero lost each other in the marketplace lmao
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“[ ... ] Now, remember, dear, you've always been too kind!”
Let’s be completely honest here, Hero’s probably the most forgiving out of all of the Heroes, aside from maybe Gladys (and also not counting Dial since we don’t actually know what his real opinion is--) Click considers her choice to save him ‘too kind’, so, well... you know what happens.
“Oh it's nothing new, the visionless leading the blind; It's easy to say, ‘why don't you leave it all behind?’”
This definitely makes me think of RGB luring people away!! No one who accepted the deal actually knew they’d be unable to return, so they were ‘blind’ to it in a sense! And as for the ‘why don’t you leave it all behind’ part, well I mean-- you have to admit, the idea of getting away from everything is reallly tempting. 
“And this moral compass is forever misaligned...”
Obviously this is about Click because his moral compass is ALMOST right but at the same time completely and utterly fucked, I mean, he tried to kill a child for disagreeing on RGB’s deserved punishment--
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“All I need to hear is that you'll be there, by my side-- But you can never know that...”
RGB does end up getting VERY attached to Hero and, I think the very moment he does realize that (fittingly) is when Hero says that he’s not evil or good, but neutral instead (which is sad because that implies this is the best opinion he’s gotten from someone but that’s a whole other can of worms) Obviously she can ‘never know that’ because what about his PRIDE and he SAID he WOULDN’T GET ATTACHED (...not that it helps because he’s dug his own grave already)
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“‘Too strong to die,’ or was that me again?”
This line makes me think of two things-- It makes me think of Time’s comment on him ‘never fully’ being dead, and also makes me think of Negative because... you know. too strong to die.
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“I know that there has to be some hope that's just out of sight...”
This part makes me think of the Nothing-- RGB almost loses hope on (at least one of) them surviving twice-- but he came up with solutions! (even though one was completely heartbreaking...)
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“...I won't let myself lose it again--”
This feels like it’d be RGB referring to losing Heroes-- he would almost definitely never forgive himself for losing our Hero at this point. It also feels like sort of an internal dialogue to match him throwing Hero towards the fence.
“--And now my only hope is that one day you'll understand...”
This obviously makes me think of him explaining his reasoning behind saving the world in Ex Position-- but it also makes me think of the page just before it transitions to Greenlight? I haven’t seen anything about this, but that little flashback makes me think that Hero is either, a. thankful to RGB for saving her, or, B. frustrated he chose to sacrifice himself and leave her alone like he did.
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“[ ...  ] [I’ll] save what's left, though I know that, one day, this weight will come to break my back.”
This makes me think of RGB being afraid to fully connect to Hero at first, because he didn’t want to be hit as hard when she inevitably died, (or would have, if not for the mercy of Protagonist’s Luck--)
“Once again we were left in the dust,”
Hero was left on her own ‘in the dust’ after the storm receded. Not much to say there.
"Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone's trust.”
Short version? Please get this telly and his child some therapy. Long version? In Target Audience, he seemed like he was going to make a (feeble) attempt at explaining Click’s accusation away... until Hero speaks up.
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“So if you must, shield your heart with these layers of rust--”
This makes me think of RGB-- but more evidently (especially combined with the next line), the Green Sun.
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“The sun will rise-- Until then I'll be waiting for you on the other side...”
Pretty self-explanatory in the first part-- i don’t really have anything for the last part unfortunately though, especially considering we don’t know what actually is going to happen to the sun yet...
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but, uh, that’s all! I just. had these thoughts. and wanted to talk about them. because i like writing essays like this.
tysm for reading all this because i absolutely infodumped here
anyway go support Ferry, they’re the artist and their music slaps
in summary:
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I just gotta be real for a hot second.
Warnings: discussions of suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety 
2015 remains a pinnacle year for me. I have a lot of good memories associated with it, and it’s around that time I started hearing about this certain band. A single of theirs hit mainstream and suddenly they’re the talk of the town. My natural inclination when encountering something popular is to turn my nose up at it. If it’s popular it’s overrated. You know what’s popular? Music. For most of my middle school and high school years, I didn’t get what was the big deal about music. Why was everyone obsessed about it, and specifically boy bands? So I mainly ignored the hype.
And by “mainly” I mean the curiosity got the better of me one day so I searched some of their songs on Youtube. It was...different than anything I’ve ever encountered. It was abrasive, eccentric, bizarre, take your pick. I tried to love them but I couldn’t even though I resonated with the lyrics. And I’ve never been one to try to fit with the crowd. Like I said, I went against the crowd. So aside discovering a song of theirs in an amv and loving it, I ignored them for about three years.
But then last year my sister kept playing one of their songs on the ukulele and I...liked it. So I sought them out again on my own terms. I slowly fell in love with their music. It helped they released an album in the autumn. My sister loves them and it became a bridge between the two of us. We don’t have many of those.
But again, super causal. It wasn’t until the new year hit and my mental health sunk like a tank. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety since the start of middle school. It’s sad to think roughly half of my life has been consumed by it. But living with it after awhile, you begin to learn the ebbs and flow of it. But this? This was a whole another type of monster.
I wish I could time travel back to the start of this year and tell past me, “Honey, you got a big storm coming for you. I know it’ll seem that it’ll never get better. But I promise things they will and I’ll be holding onto you.”
I would have days where I would just bawl for three or four hours straight. The slightest thing would make me cry. When I wasn’t crying, I was an unemotional husk of a person.
I would be thoroughly convinced my friends and family were going to be extremely angry at me for minuscule things. I would experience moments of intense panic, where my heart raced to the speed of my careening thoughts and I was so cold that no amount of layers or blankets would warm me up.
I remember a day a moment like this happened, where I ended up taking a nap in this state for two hours, woke up exhausted beyond belief and then showed up to work having to pretend that yes, I’m a functioning human being who is not falling apart, no siree.
I could barely muster up the motivation to write, and when I did it was mostly heavy and dark. Floating With the Sunset and Guiding Lights come to mind, especially when I realized I was unconsciously struggling with the very same thing as the characters were; suicide ideation.
What I mean by that is I was so convinced that my life had no purpose or meaning--that I was never going to amount to anything, so why bother? Why bother living if it involved this level of mental torment that I was going through? And of course, the small detached unemotional part of me knew this was wrong. I always had a fear of dying--so all I could think of was how living was going to be a prison sentence because I was too chicken to actually do the thing.
Not to mention, my one remaining brain cell knew my family and friends would be devastated by my death, never mind I didn’t know even know how to go about the whole dying thing. Just realizing I was even contemplating such a thing terrified me. 
I knew this was the sort of thing you should tell people about but the idea of admitting it to someone was even more terrifying than the thought of it because oh god, what will they think? If there is one thing you must know about me, is that I fear disappointing people and I felt like I would be disappointing a good number of people by admitting that not-living sounded like a good option at the time.
Heck, I could barely admit to myself that was happening in this journal entry in January, before it went even further downhill:
“Rest assured I have not the stomach to actually do anything. I’m too afraid of what lies in the Undiscovered Country to travel to it. That’s why the answer to that daunting question is: “No, of course not.”
Still, who hasn’t thought of traveling to the land where no traveler has whence returned? Even if it wasn’t a serious consideration, I think all humans have the thought at some point in their lives. Maybe not—after all I am just but a human who has no idea what goes in the minds of her fellow humans. But I think it’s a good possibility.
Humans are inherently curious creatures; really it should be “Curiosity killed the human” rather the cat. I think we’re curious enough to wonder what would happen if we did travel to that country earlier than “planned.”
But aside from the stray intrusive thought, I have not dared to go further down that dark path. This is for several reasons. One because of that fear. But another because I have seen the aftermath of when someone takes a trip to the Undiscovered Country. It has not yet been anyone super close to me and yet the devastation hits me at full force despite it. But I also had interaction with a few people in the last couple years, of how I impacted their life without even knowing it.
You never know how small of an interaction can change another person’s life forever. You never know and I think it’s a shame a lot of times those stories don’t get shared until after someone has already left. I think it can be important those stories are shared with the person—it can help them recognize that they are more important than they possibly realize.”
A small part of me thought that my life would be over at the end of May. Not that I planned on causing that to happen by my own hands. Just that some comic force might decide to put me out of my misery by then. You could say I’m a bit elated to be alive right now, because I didn’t expect to get this far.
What this have to do with music again? I’m glad you asked. Remember that band that spiked in popularity in 2015 that I ignored for three years and then reluctantly started listening and enjoying their music? Yes, well if I resonated with the lyrics in 2015, then those lyrics could’ve been lifted verbatim from my pages out of my journal in 2019.
This music was like a light in the darkness. It unashamedly discussed heavy topics like depression and suicide and I needed that. In our society, those topics are seldom openly discussed to the point it feels almost shameful to admit to such a struggle. But these songs openly screamed about them, they were brutally honest about the struggle. What’s more, they advocated to keep on living and I needed that. I needed that so much. 
I knew the band was visiting my area sometime this summer and I thought, I can live until then. I can make it until then.
Sometime mid-May, the storm broke. The sun came out and Mr. Blue Sky started blaring from the heavens. I think it was because several outside factors that were putting a strain on my mental health had gone away around then along with events I feared would go horribly wrong...did not go horribly wrong. In fact, they went well all things considered. I’ve still gone through days riddled with anxiety and depression since then, but nothing as dark and grim as those days had been.
I don’t want to want to die anymore. It’s weird to think only two months ago, I craved such a thing. I want to live so much, you guys have no idea. Of course the future still terrifies me. But that’s a reassuring fear, one I hold like a security blanket because it’s been a part of me for so long I know how to deal with it.
I started a handwritten journal where I record the day’s events and end each entry with the positive highlights of the day. Of course I haven’t done it in a solid week, but it’s done wonders for my mental health.  I’ve been seeing a therapist and that has helped a little. I’ve started reaching out and trying to maintain friendships in real life. To those online friends that have stayed with me and even reached out in concern about my vague distressing tumblr posts, you helped me so much and I am grateful for our correspondences. 
I made a post about debating whether or not I should see a favorite band and in the end, well...it feels like the right decision. I’m fulfilling a promise to myself back then. It feels like the act of seeing this band is like the closing chapter of the book. Not the final book, mind you, but a book in like a seventy-something series, if everything pans out of course.
As to those who might be still struggling, deep in the throes of such darkness and torment: It’ll get better.
I know that’s like the most cliche thing to say and I sure didn’t believe it back then. But it’s true. It was true for me and it’s true for many others.
Also don’t be like me, be brave enough to speak to someone about what you’re dealing with. You aren’t alone as you think are. Yes, no one will ever know what’s it like to struggle with your demons, nobody will think what you think, but they might’ve fought battles similar to the one that’s currently raging inside your brain. They might know what it’s like to wander through such darkness. Even if they haven’t, they can still support and love you through it regardless. 
Lastly, you have worth, you have importance, you have meaning and if everyone tells you otherwise (including your own thoughts) don’t you dare listen to them for a second. Remember, you are loved beyond belief, don’t ever doubt that <3
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izzyizumi · 5 years ago
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Digimon Adventure(s) REPEAT?_verse AMVs ? “Phase 2″ ?? ?:
please note: the links lead to the original originating series videos with subtitles.
{OLD Index of my A.M.V.s “Phase 2″ Ideas list; many of these have been attempted since; check this link for most of them up-to-date!}
A few marked with * next to the titles are FANMADE PVs by the Japanese fandom. An understanding of the originating series is highly recommended if you watch. It is very much a DEAD KIDS SERIES so please HEED WARNING. It might be fun to listen to the songs in the background or such though if you want to avoid the videos, idek ?? ? Just. As a kind of preview. You knowwww. THE MUSIC IS COOL/FUN OK PLS * for some subbed videos you can scroll down and basically kinda just get the subs via hiding the rest of the video with scroll if you want ?? ? ? or you can look up the songs lyrics at the Kagerou Project wiki ( scroll down pages quickly if you want to avoid initial plot spoilers ) original Kagerou Daze AMV / plot warnings: see here newest AMV with links to past AMVs: see here !
Yobanashi Deceive [Night Tales Deceive]: T A I C H I but will it be the Taichi you know ?? ? I need to find more better/varied scenes for this one though... “ LYING IS my speciality ” “ ... but truth be told, I’m kind of bad at it. ” “ CAN I NO LONGER ” “ BE SAVED ? ” (triggers for original video/song: not ... many tbh? Fun but dark??)
Toumei Answer [Transparent Answer]: Comparing and contrasting parallels between Koushiro, TAICHI... and... is that MEIKO ?? Taishiro definitely too, though. (triggers for original video/song: implied/stated self-sacrifice) " I WON’T FORGET YOUR SMILE , not even TOMORROW . "
Mekakushi Code [Blindfold Cold]: YAMATO, ( wow he finally gets a slightly bigger spotlight !!! ) Sora ( HER TOO ) and also very likely Jou and Mimi may make bonus appearances, too. Bonus Sorato, YamaJou, JouMi, So(ra)Mi(Mi) and any polyships between this group may be abound in small cameo scenes too. They do make quite a group. ” If you rock to the pulsing beat , you’ll see it’s NOT SO BAD ! ” " The BLOND HEEL LAUGHS , .... " (triggers for original song/fan video: not really any! It’s pretty cool/fun!)
Gunjou Rain [Ultramarine Rain]: YOSHIE-MAMAAAAAAAAA (A CERTAIN ONE MRS IZUMI MIGHT FINALLY APPEAR .....) and REPEATverse + Advs!Koushiro + Bonus Taishiros on the side likely, too “ I couldn’t say      [ I’m sorry ] . I wanted to say                                                              [ I LOVE YOU ] . BUT THE WORLD IS     ALREADY   OPENING .....  ” “ And might YOU REALIZE LOVE , MEET “ SOMEONE ” , and MAKE A FUTURE of your own ? ” “ I HATED YESTERDAY, I HATED THE WORLD. ” “ BUT I'VE CHANGED, AND I'LL LOVE TOMORROW ” (triggers for original song/fan video: a character does die, but it’s more kind of... referenced ? Some blood + said death scene in imagery.)
Headphone Actor: I NEED TO FIND MORE SCENES OF TAICHI OR KOUSHIRO OR BOTH R U N N I N G. ... Probably it’s gonna wind up as REPEATverse Adv!Taichi with bonus Adv!Koushiro. A song about “ THE END OF THE WORLD ”. But, this “ W O R L D ” ...... “ DON’T DOUBT , just LISTEN CLOSE ----- go TWENTY SECONDS A H E A D . ... ... ... ... ... ” (triggers for original song/video: KINDA EXTREMELY SPOOKY. it’s dealing with a seemingly literal “end of the world” so. no visible gore or such, though. Uh, well, a few blood “splatters” imagery. But a death does happen. BOMBS)
“Cyber Journey”: M A K I ??? ? ? HOMEOSTASIS-“san” as seen in REPEATverse ?? ? ? possibly ... both of them ! ? ! This AMV is possibly also a very huge “maybe” though, and will definitely depend on how many of eithers’ screentimes I can cram into this thing while making it look genuinely cool. " There is NO NEED for A MEANING , AS LONG as IT’S                                                F U N    !    ... " (triggers for original song/video: video is fine/mostly still images, but this song also has a creepy atmosphere to it. The singer is overly nonchalant-sounding for seeming plot reasons. A death is kinda-referenced but.)
Jinzou Enemy [Artificial Enemy]: This one is almost definitely gonna be REPEAT!Taishiro again, but, as for " KOUSHIRO "..... " This is NOT THE BEST     PATH     OF     ACTION , ... and I K N O W YOU KNOW IT . " (triggers for original song/video: an implied major self-sacrifice as well as other character deaths are heavily referenced. Yet another creepy atmosphere song/nonchalant-singer.)
[Koushiro]'s Imaginary World: Aka, "Fictional World". REPEATverse & Advs!KOUSHIROS with bonus side Taishiros potentials. A very kind of somber, short song, but very impactful. English lyrics here ! Tickings of a clock. “ You see , if I could be with you again , TOMORROW and THE NEXT DAY , too , then I would be ... really happy . " (trigger warnings for original song/video: No video for this one, just album cover. However, the song is really somber and references other plot-relevant things re: goings-ons, though not in detail. Very short and sweet.)
Otsukimi Recital [Moon-Viewing Recital]: ... Listen. I’M NOT SORRY. If you think this one ISN'T gonna be TAISHIRO OTP to the EXTREME, YOU’RE FOOLING YOURSELF . " I BELIEVE      BECAUSE      YOU’RE    YOU !!!! " (trigger warnings for original song/video: IT’S SUPER CUTE but you do kinda see a scene referenced straight from Kagerou Daze fanmade video fame, see: impalements. Er. It’s like 6 seconds long and very brief ?? ?)
My Funny Weekend: I have NO idea which of the characters will get landed with this song but it's a complete toss-up with ADV!HIKARI, Miyako might even be possible if not, Mimi... I’m not sure but, POSSIBLY ALL THREE WHO KNOWS ENG lyrics here ! we’ll see what happens and the bonus Taishiros on the side of course! “ I’m going down this path, one where I’m the HEROINE !” “ LIVE ” “ & ” “ A P P E N D ” “ ROUGH !!!!!! ” (triggers for original song/video: NOT MANY IT’S SUPER FUN also there is no video because it’s just album cover again. Newer song yeah.)
Wasurete Shimatta Natsu no Owari ni [Fireworks in the Summer End]: TAISHIRO + REPEATverse Taishiros. .... Short, but, will hurt. Lyrics! " I REPEATED [ “ S O R R Y ” ]               and      [ “ THANK YOU ” ] OVER and OVER again . " (triggers for original song/video: It’s kinda sad but safe?? No video for this one either as again, a more recent/newer song, just album art.)
Souzou Forest [Imaginary Forest] (aka Kuusou Forest; “Fantasy Forest”): If you think this one isn't going to be MIMI TACHIKAWA + JOU KIDO as duo/ship/BROTP WELL ..... YEAH ... it connects to " Shounen Brave " in the originating series, so! “ The summer breeze KNOCKS , ” “ Let me say, that WILD WORLD ... That I imagined to knock ” “ In reality, it opened the door ... Much more easily than I expected.” (triggers for original song/video: The side-character death from “Gunjou Rain” is also seen here with some quick flashes of blood.)
[KOUSHIRO]'s Theory of Happiness: .... All I'm saying is if I can manipulate / change enough of the originals’ lyrics using scenes Advs!Koushiro & YOSHIE-MAMA SCREENTIMES ..... prepare yourself. To cRY. A LOT. YOU WILL SOB BECAUSE THIS SONG IS / LIKE THAT / “ “ RED ” is THE COLOR OF [A HERO] , so THERE’S NO NEED ” “ to be afraid . ” “ ... but I wonder if I have BECOME ...                       [ THEIR ] .... ” “ Awkward and shameful , this is my lonely plan . ” (triggers for original song/video: THE SONG IS HEARTBREAKING AND THE VIDEO IS TOO. A major self-sacrifice happens for a major character happens here, but are they really gone? They set off the rest of the plot.)
Summertime Record [Utaite "Kobato" version]: An ab-so-lute-ly GORGEOUS (!!!) extended piano version cover with vocals of the original song with a bunch of covers-original musical interludes from PAST songs cleverly inserted into the composition. If this song doesn't shatter you into a million pieces idek WHAT song will. Like (TRI!TAICHI VOICE) you could hate me from now until ETERNITY and I’d STILL THROW THIS COVER INTO YOUR FACE. IT’S THAT GOOD. " Summertime . " Credits shall roll. lyrics here. “ LET’S DRAW IT ” “ AGAIN AND AGAIN ” (triggers for original song/video: no original video linked for this one, see previous Summertime Record AMV. The original video is pretty safe too though if you notice it via that older AMV post. THE SONG IS SAD THO if in that overly nostalgia-inducing way oh my god)
[“Attention”]: MIYAKO ??? MIMI ??? BOTH ??? ? ? WHO KNOWS. Whoever “My Funny Weekend” ends up being, the others likely will be thrown here. CAN 02 CHOSEN CAMEOS ... ??? ? ? “ ... You can't do this anymore ; you hear the cheering, don't you ? ” “ The things you dreamed of are ALREADY right in front of you... ” (triggers for original song/video: NOT REALLY ANY this is probably one of the most fun/tame videos in the original series YEAH however it only has Spanish subs here [yeah]. Song lyrics in english here.
Remind Blue (CREATOR Jin’s cover) : ..... We'll see. We will ... very see. Original lyrics here. “ The sound of THE “ END ” of SUMMER , A roadway covered in VINES , and      the        HEAT - HAZE . As if it’s suffocating , as if it’s BEGINNING     TO     WAVER    ... We’re still PRETENDING TO BE ADULTS , I’M SURE OF IT — Still holding onto these feelings that remain untouched . ” (triggers for original song: Not really any, but it’s also one of those sadder nostalgia-inducing songs. No video; newer song.)
Dead and Seek: depending on how MAKI or HOMEOSTASIS-san work in "Cyber Journey" and also potentially depending on later DigiAdv 2020 episodes potentials re: Homeostasis, if this one takes that long, wELL ..... ALSO, A CERTAIN " DARK!/NOT! GENNAI " HAS BEEN MYSTERIOUSLY ABSENT SINCE " OUTER SCIENCE "..... ... and some other ( basically TOO MANY ) villains too ..... er. “ I DREW OUT      that    midsummer day    with RED , white, and BLUE illusions ” “ You are surely still BOUND TO / THE HEAT of THAT SUMMER. ” “ Hey , next is YOUR TURN ... ” (triggers for original fan video/song: it’s a villain song, so. Villain-y. Very villain-y. The villain is also extremely overly nonchalant-sounding. Past death of a side character not mentioned up until now is referenced.)
[""Landscape of Falling Leaves""]: ...Yeah, this one might be... a little difficult. The lyrics / imageries in said lyrics are kinda veryyyy specific (AND HEAVY/KINDA VERY GOREY IN THE ORIGINAL VIDEO, BE WARNED) and relate more to the originating series as a result OTL. (Even the actual song title !!) This song also relates to the original Kagerou Daze song in-verse, yeah. BUT DigiAdv 2020 Reboot anime may be able to help with this. Maybe. Maybe. We'll . ... see. ( WHEN WILL KOUSHIRO GET IN ON THE ACTION AGAIN - ME ) “ PULLING ME OUT from this MECHANIZED WORLD into a FUTURE LANDSCAPE of FALLING LEAVES WITH   Y O U R   EYES ... ... ... ” “ AUGUST has come and passed AGAIN and AGAIN .” “ Would A FUTURE in which THEY , LAUGH TO EACH OTHER "      See you NEXT YEAR "           BE ... ?      ” “ Unforecasted RAIN poured down to earth . ” (triggers for original video/song: IF YOU KNOW “KAGEROU DAZE” IT’S BASICALLY THE EXACT SAME SCENES HERE EXCEPT from another characters’ POV... yeah read the warnings for Kagerou Daze”. BLOOD. Thank god DigiAdv doesn’t have a lot of blood right hhhhahahaha)
Tomodachi no Uta [Song of Friend(s)]:Original song is here, ignore the 1st minute or so; it’s just the singers’ Japanese voice actress introducing the song in-character. It’s pretty short and sweet with basically nothing to worry about here! Lyrics in English here ! No video is meant to produced for this song, but I ... might still include it regardless too yeah This song is almost definitely going to be MIMI->KoushiroxTaichi with possible AU TaiKouMi polyship potentials. ... Or you could also always just view the Koumi as friendship yeah. “Ever since I met you , so many radiant and gentle words have piled up over time.“ “ This light is so small , so blurry. Yet it shines so softly , so kindly . ” “ It’s my treasure . ”
... help .
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araminthe-ispwitch · 8 years ago
Text
I'm in love with a fairytale
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Yuri on Ice
Rating: K+
Pairing/s: past-Georgi Popovich/Anya
Summary:
Once upon a time, there was a man named Georgi Popovich. Somehow, his story is trying to compete for the title of "Greatest Romantic Tragicomedy of All Time."
Alright, here we go, my late birthday fic for my stupid emo son! (Still can't believe they made his b-day the 26th.)
As I've mentioned in The Accursed Tale of Viktor Nikiforov, Georgi's oneshot is the literal side of the song "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak (y'all should really watch his live performance of this seriously you won't regret that handsome man). Whereas I've waxed lyrical on the life that Viktor had to choose for the career he has taken, I've... uh... pretty much just did a short play on Georgi and the disaster that was his love life during the anime.
But no worries. Remember that woman he went on a date with in Ep. 10? :D
Cross-posted in: AO3 (don’t bother with the FFNet version because FFNet rejects songfics so I had to edit out this poetic fiction of mine there—but as if that’ll make me stop writing them because of the music industries’ logic)
Important Stuff to Note: 1) This is a song fic, in which I've closely followed the lyrics to portray Georgi's life. Which means you really should watch/listen to "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak. (not just because it's the greatest song of 2009 what are talking about)
2) Envision the structure and flow of this fic as an AMV about Georgi. Makes better sense considering how short this is compared to Viktor's oneshot, right?
3) Those lines centered, bolded, and italicized all together are the lyrics... and other stuff. ;D
4) A lot of short flashbacks in here, too.
5) This is not my usual writing style, oh no. But nevertheless, hope you enjoy and appreciate this minimalist approach I did for this oneshot.
6) Did you listen to the song yet? :v
I'm in love with a fairytale
Part 2 of the Two Sides of a Fairytale series
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who dreamed of romance.
He dreamed so hard.
Like, really, so damn hard.
All his life.
Oh, god, this boy...
Years ago, when I was younger
I kinda liked a girl I knew
Georgi adjusted his collar for the fifteenth time, straightening the lapels as he stood in front of his floor-length mirror. Everything must be perfect today.
It was just another date with his beloved, most precious Anya—their 13th date, actually!—but everything must still be perfect.
Georgi Popovich wouldn’t settle for anything less when it came to his one true love.
She was mine and we were sweethearts
That was then, but then it’s true
Georgi’s jaw fell and so did the bouquet he bought on the way to his date.
His Anya—his precious, most beautiful Anya—was in the arms of an interloper!
This cannot bE—
“ANYA! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY ANYA!”
He was about to hit the stranger where it really hurts, but then suddenly, his angelic Anya—
“Let go, you idiot!"
Three seconds on the leaf-covered ground later, Georgi looked up at his girlfriend with a flabbergasted look on his slapped face.
“A-Anya, my love, why are you—!”
“We’re through, Georgi.”
I’m in love with a fairytale
Even though it hurts
Georgi stared at his fallen bouquet. It hadn’t been trampled in the wake of the chaos that happened in the last few minutes, but Anya might as well have trampled on them the same way she trampled on his tender heart.
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind
I’m already cursed
“ANYA, NO! IT CAN’T BE TRUE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S BETTER THAN ME?!”
Every day we started fighting
Every night, we fell in love
Groaning, Georgi crossed out Procedure Number 16 on his list. He looked back at the tabs of articles open on his laptop as he repositioned the ice pack on his head.
Surely there was a way to get Anya back? She couldn’t possibly be satisfied with that oaf!
There must be a way.
No one else could make me sadder
But no one else could lift me high above
“Anya, my love, I—!”
“SECURITY!”
I don’t know what I was doing
When suddenly, we fell apart
“His theme is what?”
“Coach, don’t you think he’s getting way into this…?”
Georgi ignored the others as he repeated his routine on the rink. He knew they were all watching him and pitying him—largely because he’s been crying non-stop while practicing—but he won’t let their opinions get to him.
He’ll show that wretched woman!
Nowadays, I cannot find her
But when I do, we’ll get a brand new start
Georgi practiced with renewed vigor after hearing Yakov’s news. Viktor was gone! He was now the top skater they have and he has a shot at reaching the Grand Prix Finals!
Finally, he can show the world the fruits of his labor!
And he’ll get to rub his victory at stupid Anya’s face, too! Now she’ll regret dumping him!
I’m in love with a fairytale
The setting couldn’t be more perfect. Anya will also be competing here in China! What a marvelous way to display his intrinsically artistic program to the world!
Just she wait... He'll prove that those... those... stupid Instagram photos of her and him kissing don't mean a thing to him...!
Even though it hurts
I’ll hunt you to the ends of the earth, and I’ll find you! I will cast an eternal curse on you!
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind
Never mind! I’ll save you with a kiss right now, my princess!
I’m already cursed
Never mind… I will… take a break for… now…
She’s a fairytale, yeah
Georgi watched as Mickey landed another flawless jump. There was so much more emotion in his performance now that it wasn’t hard to deduce what he was skating for.
The scene tugged at his cold heartstrings and he had to smother a sob.
He promised himself that his Free Skate at the Cup of China was the last time he’d cry for her.
Even though it hurts
“And you are…?”
“Georgi! Georgi Popovich! You looked beautiful out there, Anya!”
“… Why, thank you~!”
‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind
“Dinner?”
“Y-Yes! My treat!”
“Hm… Why not?”
I’m already cursed
“Will… Will you be my girlfriend?!”
...
..
.
“Georgi! I’m so sorry!”
Teal-colored eyes blinked into focus as a familiar blonde woman came running towards him. “Ekaterina, are you alright?!” he asked, standing up with hands outstretched, ready to steady her if she wasn’t.
Ekaterina sat down on the park bench with an exhausted huff and flashed him an apologetic smile. “I didn’t think… it would take me so long…”
“You didn’t really have to hurry so much… I could have waited,” said Georgi with concern as he sat back down. Try as he might, he was too busy guiltily reminiscing what happened a year ago at this very same park anyway.
But Ekaterina just waved him off with a chuckle. “But I didn’t want you to wait.” When she peered up at his face with those sparkling gray eyes of hers, Georgi couldn’t find it in himself to chastise her any further—not when she looks so happy.
Why was she looking so happy?
“Here…” She then passed the small box she had brought to him.
“Hm? What’s this?”
Georgi’s eyes widened when he found a variety of sumptuous-looking cupcakes inside. “Try one,” Ekaterina urged.
He chose a cream-colored one and took a bite. “Oh, wow, these are delicious, Ekaterina! Where’d you buy them?”
“… I made them…”
Georgi had to thump his chest to avoid choking, but when he finally calmed down, he looked at Ekaterina like she had revealed herself to be an angel.
“Y-You did?! Really?!”    
The blonde looked down at her lap, but she was glowing red with pride and joy. “W-Well, I… I didn’t want to not bring anything for you like last time so…”
Georgi blinked in confusion. “Oh, you didn’t have to. I mean, I’m fine without anythi—”
“But it’s our date and I wanna bake something for you!” she cut him off loudly—before turning even redder as she realized what she had just squeaked.
Georgi, on the other hand, tried to still his thundering heart and chant to himself that he ought to take this new relationship slow. Because… Because…
He glanced at the beautiful woman next to him, fiddling with her bag’s zipper as she avoided his adoring gaze. Because this time, I want her to want to stay with me.
But it seems… he won’t need to worry much about that, he thought in awe as he took another cupcake.
“Thank you, Ekaterina… They’re really good!”
“O-Oh! Y-You’re welcome!”
“I guess this means you’d make a great housewife, then!”
“…!”
“Ack! Sorry! I-I… F-Forget I said anything!”
“N-No! It’s… It’s fine…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… Maybe I can make you some Stroganoff next time…”
“…! E-Ekaterina…!”
“Eh?! G-Georgi?! Are you alright?!”
… Crap, I’ve been cursed again.
The End. . . ?
Perhaps not.
But at least this little boy is still dreaming with all his heart.
A/N:
Okay, so unlike the other oneshot, this doesn't need much explanation 'cause, well... it's literally the song itself.
We can say that Georgi's been in love the fairytale that is Anya herself, yes. But my preferred symbolism here is that Georgi's been in love with the idea of love and romance itself. Honestly, I actually believe that the situation with Anya with hadn't been the first one. (Perhaps he had a crush that didn't do so well back then) With this, the chorus makes so much more sense: that even though Georgi's been hurt, he just loves it and wants it so much--almost like he's cursed--that he doesn't mind trying again, even if it means he might get hurt again. In conclusion, my son is a gutsy risk-taker and I just love him so much. (which is why i sprinkled this with comedy because he just inspires my funny bone so much)
I've taken the liberty of calling that blonde woman in Ep. 10 "Ekaterina" as a placeholder name, and I've gone ahead and interpreted a possible persona for her. I already have so many headcanons for her... Crossing my fingers that she's finally The One in S2... >~<
Also, if we'll compare my two oneshots in this series, Viktor's is more about his whole life while Georgi's is just specifically about his love life. AND Disclaimer: Just because Viktor's is longer doesn't mean he's my fave between the two, okay? :v
I'm gonna go ahead and announce this: if I do oneshots about these two again, Georgi will have more because he hasn't gotten his happy-ever-after yet (while Viktor already has Yuuri in canon lol). Also, why did I try to compare them with this songfic series? When Georgi has enough trouble being in Viktor's shadow? Simple. Georgi is supposed to be Viktor's foil in their story. By exposing Viktor's flaws and "ordinariness", Georgi shines more as a likeable and relatable character. Either way, I just hope what I wrote made you guys root for him more.
Belated happy birthday, my stupid son. Easy with the romancing, alright? :v
And with that, Two Sides of a Fairytale is finished. :)
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thesinglesjukebox · 6 years ago
Video
youtube
BASTILLE - JOY
[4.00]
Oh, we're thrilled...
Will Adams: I will never forget that moment a few years ago when my mother, attempting to describe to me this one song she enjoyed hearing on the radio, reduced it down to: "that kinda Lion King sounding song, you know, 'ayy-yo, ayy-yo, ay-ay-yo...'" That song was "Pompeii," and while it was the perfect summary of Bastille's penchant of watery breakbeat and vague gospel aspirations, I hadn't realized how incisive she would be about this band's whole discography. [3]
Alfred Soto: Imagine Dragons must be in the studio. [2]
Katherine St Asaph: Every couple of weeks someone will gripe about "poptimism" (defined not as its actual definitions, but as, like, the ordeal of seeing a viral tweet by a 15-year-old), and it depresses me anew how many people want to go back to the days where people would dismiss you as a vapid bimbo if you shared which songs you loved. Or maybe it just bugs me how the complaint is always directed at young women like Ariana Grande or Billie Eilish, and never at nondescript, nonessential, yet popular stuff like this. [3]
Ian Mathers: The chorus, especially, could be "adult-oriented" radio cheese from pretty much any time from the '80s to now, albeit with more modernized beats. The latter feel painfully tacked on here; the whole thing feels like a mishmash, the sort of flailing you do when it's been six years since your last and only big hit (plus or minus one that was basically a "feat." credit on someone else's song) and you can't figure out how to make a song that compelling again. [2]
Joshua Copperman: If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before? This is just "Good Grief." Bastille would makes this song identical because "Joy is just good grief" sounds profound, but that doesn't change how distractingly similar the two choruses are. Up to this point, I've defended the band and their co-horts (Dan Smith might call me a "proud Remainer"), but "Joy" is a let down. "Pompeii" has aged weirdly well, spacious enough that it would survive in our current pop climate but thoughtful enough in its construction and lyrics that it would stick out of any curated playlist. But instead of using mass volcanic destruction as a metaphor for creative stasis, we get what amounts to "hey bud, glad you called." Musically, it's even an improvement on "Good Grief," with an actual bassline this time and some cute whirring synths. But the gang vocals that made their hits feel so big sound like they're from a Pokémon soundtrack, and there's none of the intensity that could elevate a Naughty Boy guest spot or Craig David collaboration into AMV-worthy melodrama. Disappointing coming from a band that seemed like it had so many more ideas. [4]
Scott Mildenhall: Counter to the appalling state-of-things preview of Bastille's new album given by its title track, this plays on Contemporary Anxieties with an impressively light touch. Dan Smith has gone some way to capturing the bittersweetness of the very things he describes: dependence, and its intermittent fulfilment. Beyond "Joy"'s surface-level uplift -- that of "Good Grief", that of "Flaws" -- it is wise not to cast its net too wide, making this a vignette with pathos. [8]
Joshua Minsoo Kim: "You saved me from my brain" is too on the nose, but I can appreciate the sentiment of this half-downer, half-pick-me-up given the context of "Happier." Really, it's those weird pneumatic synth stabs that grant the song a nearly carnivalesque sense of delight -- something perhaps needed to help you ease yourself into a sincere enjoyment of life. The chunky Tame Impala-like bassline helps. [6]
Iris Xie: A bland commercial song that should have been commissioned for the Gay Macy's Day Parade aka Corporate Pride. It has the same boring "cheerful" quality as the songs for The Sims 4 group dances. Perhaps much more effective for The Handmaid's Tale Gilead dance team, because talking about joy and working hard to prove that it exists is a seriously dire effort in comparison to making music that actually elicits joy. A song for the end of empire. [4]
[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]
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thesinglesjukebox · 6 years ago
Video
youtube
YUNGBLUD & HALSEY FT. TRAVIS BARKER - 11 MINUTES
[4.70]
Believe us, we were quite relieved to learn that the title was not literal...
Andy Hutchins: I can forgive 20-year-old Dominic Harrison for moaning about "the best I've ever had" on what he thinks is a cooler, darker Arctic Monkeys song. But Alex Turner doesn't write shit like "And her lipstick arithmetic didn't stick," and "11 Minutes," for better and worse, sounds like a lost P.O.D. B-side about the yearning and loss involved in young lust. And given that the spiky guitar and Halsey doing that skyward Halsey thing are carrying most of the load, what is Travis Barker here for but the check? [4]
Alfred Soto: As usual with contemporary pop the stew of a production intended to maximize streams across many artist platforms doesn't produce a whole, not when the parts still don't belong together. Youssou N'Dour's lilt, Julia Michaels self-empowerment, and Ryan Tedder histrionics are not my ideas of things that belong together. [3]
Ian Mathers: It's kind of crazy how much better this would be as a Halsey solo cut, although you could leave Travis Barker in or not (if not for the credit, anyone have guessed he's here?); admittedly it already sounds like she sings most of it, but every time that (sigh) YUNGBLUD pipes up he just show off one of the most annoying vocal deliveries I've ever had the displeasure to hear. The rest of it isn't amazing but it at least isn't bad -- mostly the chorus just reminds me of the superior "7 Seconds". [3]
Scott Mildenhall: It's Youssou and dour! From Doncaster to Disney to this, YUNGBLUD is on a journey to rival his townsman Tomlinson, and what an interesting pair they make. The latter struggling through an impression of his own accent, and the former faring marginally better with his take on, er, Matt Willis? Albeit Matt Willis without the tunes. Granted, "11 Minutes" does itself contain something of a tune, but it's dragged down by a self-seriousness that again, granted, is probably part of its appeal for some. [4]
Tobi Tella: Have you ever been able to tell you're not gonna like a song from just the list of artists you're not gonna like a song? Honestly, Halsey's part was better than I expected, but when YUNGBLUD started yelling at me I just tuned out. [3]
Joshua Minsoo Kim: YUNGBLUD's verse is agitated and filled with rhyme after rhyme to sound like a jagged counterpart to Halsey's more smooth vocalizing. The song would do well to be more melodramatic -- the instrumentation is too rote, and the piano outro is cheap -- but this is a side of Halsey that desperately needs to be explored further. [6]
Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I'm a Halsey apologist and even I can't palate this sub-Lil Peep dross. Just go listen to "Awful Things" and go. [4]
Vikram Joseph: Objectively, "11 Minutes" is perhaps not good, but -- reared on late '90s / early '00s pop radio as I was -- I'm rendered incapable of being objective about it. There are echoes of so many songs from that period that it feels like being centrifuged in a wind-tunnel of nostalgia, while YUNGBLUD and Halsey's duelling vocals reach sequential peaks of almost transcendental earnestness. The keening, pinball guitar riff, coupled with Travis Barker's distinctive stickwork, localise immediately to Blink 182's self-titled album. The chorus bears a melodic resemblance to Youssou N'Dour and Neneh Cherry's "7 Seconds" which, given the song's lyrical conceit, simply can't be coincidental. Pink, back when she was really into pop-punk and was angsty enough to compare her family trauma to the Vietnam War? She's in there, for sure. The high-camp melodrama of "I'm With You"-era Avril or Savage Garden's "To The Moon And Back"? Absolutely. YUNGBLUD, meanwhile, fully commits to his hoarse-throated caterwaul, splitting the difference between Chester Bennington and Jamie T. It unexpectedly, entirely works; a steaming hot mess of a song that takes me back to 1999 and 2002 far more viscerally than, uh, certain other tracks. [8]
Will Adams: I still haven't done the mental algebra to figure out why, against my typical taste, this particular type of emo pop-rock hits me as effectively as it does (something something function of nostalgia something something my older sister being really into Dashboard Confessional and Blink-182). This is just another data point to confound me, but I'll take it. [6]
Iris Xie: If I still made mixtapes for my favorite angsty ship pairings (RIP Livejournal fanfiction and music exchange communities), I would definitely put this as like track 3 or 4. I'm honestly a sucker for these types of predictable sad melodies and find these such a guilty pleasure, because paired with the extremely sincere and transparent lyrics, it broadcasts all the emotions to the point of shoving it into the listener's ears and going, "Here, here is my pain! My relationship is full of suffering." In that context, it's endearing, because the trio taps into that familiar teenage abandon of all-consuming love, but here it is a safe place to explore those feelings without injury. But the real star here is the metallic guitar riffs and the intricate drumwork, especially during the buildup of the bridge, and that outro is a little haunting. Now, time to work on setting this to an AMV of Miles/Gwen from Into the Spider-Verse... [6]
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