#i have the urge to get better and i realize i cant do it alone anymore

[apollo-zero-one]

Too old to be a kid too young to be an adult just the right age to cry myself to sleep

[yanderefarm]

Honestly Silvan is so cute, i cant help but think about a master who treats him like their own little dress up doll, the maids might be the ones to bath him, but his master is the one that puts him in the prettiest frills and silks, who does his makeup flawlessly, and styles his hair just so, you mentioned him hurting himself either to get you to drink from him or to punish himself so i can imagine this types of master would do things like expressing disappointment whenever he harms himself before punishing him with isolation, of course putting him in a straight jacket along with his padded cell so he doesnt damage himself any further, maybe if he's particularly bad you'll strap him down to a chair, table, or even locking him in a coffin like putting a doll in their case so he has no choice but to be there completely still, alone in the dark until he understands what he did wrong

doll silvan

cw;; objectification, abuse, hypnosis, angst, questionable comfort, self harm, blood, cruel reader

haha this is so fucked up i love it so much it tickles the part of my brain that says to ruin that twink. the urge to treat silvan like a stress ball.

like i know he'd be so fun to absolutely ruin his sense of self and break him down until he doesn't even realize he's human anymore. and all because you love him! he'd be so grateful.

silvan looks good in anything. he could wear the ugliest colors and still somehow it would compliment his eyes you're sure. not that you would ever allow him to wear something ugly. even when he first arrived in his glorified potato sack you immediately set upon getting him something better. but no matter how many clothes you bought for him it was never enough, he needed more. at this point your tailor had taken up residence in your manor.

every day before breakfast you would go to silvan's room and help his maids wake him up, today was no exception. your tired pet would blink at you with a sleepy smile and a cute blush on his face before you would usher him off to the bath. while he bathed the maids would clean up his room and you would begin the process of picking out his outfit. it was a long and laborious process, plagued with indecision because nothing was perfect!

as soon as your lovely doll was out of the bath you'd set upon him. you stood him in front of the full length mirror, his body shifting as he tried not to get aroused. as much as you love him the fact that he's not one of your other lifeless dolls can get annoying sometimes. you end up compelling him to get him to behave properly, there's always a sick pleasure in watching his eyes go empty and his body become soft and pliant in your arms. you keep him aware of what's being done to him but he can't control his own body, his mind distant and foggy like watching from underwater. you start with wrapping his ribbon for the day around his neck, the ribbon you pick always sets the mood for the rest of his outfit. today you picked a soft pink ribbon which immediately inspired you to grab some matching pink and white babydoll lingerie. your pet always spends the whole day embarrassed and aroused when you make him wear nothing but lingerie, it makes him taste better.

you tie the ribbon around his waist tight like a corset, his breath hitching softly. you run your fingers along his cheek as you admire your perfect doll in the mirror.

"so pretty... dolls don't need to breathe do they?" you're so tempted to tighten up the ribbon too but you can't risk leaving any marks on his skin.

you released your compulsion on him allowing him to return to his normal self. immediately his heartbeat picked up and his face turned the same pink as his ribbon. you offered your pet your hand which he graciously took, his cheeks a burning red as you led him out of the room.

today was special, you were having a few guests for dinner and they were specifically interested in your notorious doll collection. that's why you had been fasting for a week now, any teeth marks on his beautiful skin would be disgusting and unsightly. it was hard to have him sitting there in your office especially with his heart racing every time a servant would come in. a lesser vampire would have cracked but your preference for aesthetics beat out your hunger. he was supposed to be perfect for the evening event.

you should have been keeping a closer eye on him honestly but between work and your admittedly stupid trust in your toy you thought it would be fine. he had somehow found himself a piece of broken glass to make a cut on his arm. that's aggravating. in trying to bring you his gift because you had to be starving he had gotten his blood on his outfit. that's infuriating. and his eyes looking at you pathetically like he knew what was coming. it took everything in your power not to hurt your little doll in anger, choosing instead to squeeze the door knob so tightly the metal bent and the door was pulled from its hinges.

you threw the broken door to the side and grabbed his uninjured arm, still careful not to bruise him. he was sobbing, begging, pleading for you to stop as you dragged him towards his isolation room. his fists weakly beat on your arm as he tried in vain to apologize, soon his wailing was going to start. god he made you mad. you were almost to the tower when you grabbed silvan's face, covering his mouth as you pressed him into the wall.

"you are a beautiful perfect doll. dolls don't scream. dolls don't cry. dolls don't stain their clothes." every word was like venom from your lips.

his tears were pouring fresh from his bloodshot eyes.

"i had plans for you tonight. you were going to do a lovely show. your pretty blood was already going to run." you let go of his mouth and eased away from him.

"but no you just can't help yourself. you enjoy ruining your body. do you hate me?"

"n-no!"

you grabbed his face again this time forcing him to look in your eyes. "do you hate being my beautiful doll? do I not treat you well?"

"master-! im-im so so so sorry im-im so bad i know im not im not good enough im-"

you leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss. "shh... I'm sorry for getting so angry with you, doll. it's ok."

"ca-can i still-still be your pretty-pretty doll? please. please i can i-"

"i could never find a doll as beautiful as you. but you can't go around misbehaving like that. you're going in your case for dinner and then you'll spend the night in your room."

he started to sob again his words failing as he tried to beg you not to do this to him. you gave a heavy sigh as you forced him back down into your compulsion. his tears stopped as his body fell limp in your arms, just like a doll.

you carried him gently to your dollhouse room where you kept everything you used to make your pretty lifeless dolls. you set him gently on the table and he blinked at you like he wanted to start crying again. you shushed him. instead you focused on finding him a new outfit, something white to match the straight jacket he'd have to wear. you found a cute pair of wedding lingerie and a pearl necklace to replace his ribbon. you hummed to yourself as you undressed him. your tone became sour when you got to his still bleeding wound, you licked the excess blood before you got to work cleaning his wound properly.

"this is really ugly work. do you know that I really hate doing this to you?"

blink. you gently wrapped his arm up tightly.

"mhm i hate it. you keep making me do this though. do you realize how much pain you cause me?"

blink blink. you gave his freshly bandaged wound a kiss before you made him sit up straight.

"arms out. i don't like making you miserable, you're my most precious doll."

you gently slipped him into the straight jacket and pulled it tight until he couldn't move his arms at all.

"you're too beautiful to be forced in your box, you know? but if a toy breaks you have to throw it away."

blink blink blink. a single tear fell down his blank face. you sighed again as you pulled his lacey white panties up his thighs.

"we don't want you to break. just accept your punishment like a good boy."

blink. you helped him down off the table before leading him to another full length mirror. you gently placed the "bloody" pearl necklace around his neck.

"if i let you go will you quietly go in your case?"

blink. satisfied with that answer you left him standing there to pull out his case. a coffin with a glass window in the top that allowed you to see whatever was inside. you unlocked the heavy coffin and pulled it open. the interior was a deep maroon and it was extremely well cushioned with an extra pillow for the head.

you released your compulsion on silvan who immediately began to cry again. you clicked your tongue at him.

"there's no reason to cry, doll. come get in your case."

"ple-pleash- hic don-dont throw-throw me aw-away- hic" he was sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe.

you pulled him into a hug. "you're not broken, are you?"

"im im ba-bad hic an-and im ug-ugly and hic- i can-cant be-be go-good-"

you rubbed your hand on his back. "you're not a bad doll, you're so good at being my doll. you get confused sometimes and think you're still human and that's when you're bad. but i forgive you. even if it takes me 500 years I'll train you into the perfect doll."

his head nuzzles against your chest as he sobbed and whimpered and hiccuped. his words were too broken to understand anymore. you held him for a long time, letting him get all his tears out onto your shirt. when he finally calmed down enough to breathe properly you guided him to the mouth of his case.

"please- please come get me tomorrow ma-master..."

"I'll get you first thing in the morning. we can even go out tomorrow if you don't misbehave anymore tonight."

he nodded as he sunk into the comfortable coffin space. his heartbeat immediately picked up as soon as the lid closed over him, a sense of claustrophobia washing over him. you could hear him trying not to panic even as you locked the coffin tight.

"be good."

[maedae-maedae]

Perverted

☆ Reigen Arataka x F!Reader

☆ Chapter 1/3

☆ Genre: Smut

☆ Warnings: NSFW 18+

☆ Contents: Sub!Reigen, Co-workers, Office Masturbation, Humiliation Kink, Caught in the Act, Mutual Pining

☆ Word Count: 6.7k

☆ Summary: A boss and his employee is quite the forbidden love affair. It could never happen, really it shouldn't. He would never let his feelings for you get the better of him and let you see. But Reigens worst nightmare is where you find out about what he allows himself to do and think in private. What would you think of him? And why does the outcome arouse him anyways?

Or at least it does until it becomes his reality.

☆ A/N: i am incapable of being normal about this man.

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 - Cause

Reigen was never one to be perverted, especially at work. He knew how to separate business and pleasure. Even when certain cases walked into his office (like a spirit mark on a woman’s breasts, or giving a full body massage to particularly attractive customers), it was important for him to keep his business composure. And maybe he’s had a perverted thought or two in moments like those, but who wouldn’t? The mind wanders. What’s important was that it never left that moment. Once it was over, those thoughts were out of his head, and he would never act on such thoughts.

Something weird has been happening lately, though.

He’s been feeling strange. Having perverted thoughts when he shouldn’t. It started off at home, he started watching porn more often, which he rarely does, and that’s to say of course he started touching himself more often. But then it started happening at work in the morning too. Getting aroused and having a strong urge to relieve himself, sometimes he couldn’t even get his head straight with customers in the middle of a session with him. It was quite troubling to say the least. And recently he realized why it started.

It was you.

Having you in the office wasn’t really that much of a change from before, other than being able to get work done more efficiently of course. He wouldn’t say just having a woman in the office itself did this to him, because that would be gross. But really in the beginning everything was fine. The two of you had normal co-working banter while you did your work, nothing special really. And you were very respectful in the beginning towards him so you weren’t really close. That is, until the “company dinner” together, when all three of you got fairly drunk. After that, the two of you have been closer, like friends more than boss-and-worker honestly.

He cant put his finger on exactly when his perverted feelings started coming into play. Maybe it was the day you gave him a ride home. Being alone with eachother outside the office (like actually alone, just the two of you), he remembers it feeling pretty intimate. And also being extremely nervous, but playing it off cool of course (you could see him sweating).

Ever since he’s started seeing you as more of a friend, his mind started to wander into the danger zone. It’s like his business filter is flipped off when he thinks of you now, and he can’t find it to turn it off anymore. He always keeps it appropriate at work of course. But maybe sometimes when you stand up to get water, or talk to a customer, perhaps you could catch him looking at you for a bit too long. And maybe if you looked over at the wrong time, you would catch his eyes wandering to places they shouldn’t be. That he scolds himself for afterwards every time.

Just like he’s doing now. You’re taking a customers payment and having him fill out some forms from across the office, your back facing Reigen. He can just never get over how good you look in that skirt. It’s not like it’s even particularly short, it’s appropriate length, but the way it hugs your figure….

Work. You’re at work. You need to focus, Reigen.

He turns to the computer again.

The thing is, he didn’t like being like this. And he tried to fight it at first, but it’s like you’ve put some kind of horny spell on him or something. Are regular crushes supposed to make you more sexually driven? He doesn’t think so. There must be something wrong with him.

“Okay, Reigen,” You call out, snapping him awake, “I’m gonna start running the calculations for this weeks total income. Do you need me to do anything else before going home for the weekend?” You ask politely, turning your body slowly to face him, tapping some documents together in your hands. The guy from before is gone now. When did that happen?

He buffers for a second looking at you, and probably for a moment too long, because you turn to look back at him curiously.

“Oh- No, no. You’re all good to go home after this, (Y/n).” He finally replies.

You crack a smile at this statement, looking pleased to hear that. He watches as you turn to sit in your chair and start typing with a newly determined end-of-the-workweek energy. He ends up also smiling at this, managing to turn his attention back to his work as well.

The next hour or so goes by in mostly silence, only the sounds of tapping and the occasional thinking noises that comes from Reigen. The sun starts to set now, orange tinting the room through the slightly-open shades.

You push yourself up to stand, clicking the shut down on your computer, all while smiling. Finally you get to go home early. And not late like you always tend to do.

You alert his attention again at this, and he looks up at you. “Heading out?” He asks.

You smile proudly at him, “Yep! Unless you want me to stay. But if you do, I think I’m qualified to start asking for overtime pay at this point.” You say, partially joking.

He chuckles, shaking his head. “No, no. Really, you’re good to go.”  He reassures you.

You squint your eyes at him, leaning on your hand placed on your desk. “This is suspicious. You never let me go home early.” You accuse him.

He frowns at you, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms. “What am I, some kind of ceo villain? It’s not like I try to trap you here. If you’re done with your work, you can go.” He states simply.

“Yeah, you say that but,” You stand up straight and take your purse, moving around your desk to make your way to the coat hanger. “There seems to always be something you want me to help you with, even if I finish my work. You’re sure you don’t need anything?” You finish and turn to face him again.

“What? Do you want to stay later? If you really want something to do I can make something up and-“

“No! I just…” You cut him short and then trail off, holding eye contact for a weird amount of time in silence.

He tilts his head at you, confused. “What is it? Is something wrong?” He asks, a sudden concerned tone in his voice. You are acting a little strange, so it makes sense. You stand there for a few more seconds without answering.

“Are you going to be going home soon?” You blurt out, and he blinks a few times at the sudden question.

“Uh.. No, I don’t think so. I’ve got some more things I gotta take care of before the weekend, so I’ll probably be here for a while.” He says, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

You frown at this, and he starts to see what’s going on now. It’s cute, and he tries not to smile and make it obvious what he’s thinking. Or at least he puts on a fake, sly smile, prepared to tease you about your reasonable concern instead.

“What? Are you worried about me? That’s oh so sweet of you, but don’t be. I’ll be fine. This won’t take too long. Believe it or not, I don’t especially love working past close either.”  He does his best to reassure you, but you’re still frowning at him, clearly not convinced. “Hey, don’t give me that face. Just go home and get some rest. I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?” He says again, trying to wave you off as he directs his attention back to his monitor, pretending to do something.

Of course he doesn’t want you to go either, but as your boss he really didn’t have anything to give you. And as your— what he guesses could be called “admirer”— he did want you to actually get some rest.

You watch him sadly for a few more moments, and then let out a sigh. You reach for your coat, and he can hear it ruffle as you put it on.

You don’t know why you’re suddenly sad about leaving, since you were just over the moon about it a minute ago. Maybe it’s because lately you get out so late that you end up closing with him most nights. When this happens you’d always be a little annoyed, since no one likes working beyond their hours, but now you’re realizing maybe you actually grew to enjoy it? Or at least to be accustomed to it. Since you feel weird like this about leaving early now. It’s not because you want to work obviously, but you guess…

You just really like being in Reigens company.

You glance over your shoulder again at him before you go for the door. He’s busy at work again. You know he probably has more than he’s letting on, and he’s probably just letting you go since you were so happy about leaving early.

You suppose you’re lucky to have a boss who’s also a friend. So much that he cares more about your health than work. So much that you dread leaving his side…

You spot the heating/ac control panel on the wall next to you. You realize it’s pretty hot, forgetting you just put your jacket on.

“Is it hot in here? Do you want me to turn the heat down for you while I’m on my way out?” You ask, breaking the loud silence.

“Hm? Oh, no, it’s fine.” He mumbles back to you.

“Okay..” You mumble and finally head for the door.

You stop again.

“Oh! By the way,” You start and turn to him again. “I’m gonna go to the supercenter this weekend to pick up a few things. So, let me know if there’s anything I should pick up for the office.”

He cracks a smile, leaning his body to the left from behind the monitor, his chin coming to rest in his hand. “Alright, I’ll make sure to do that. Anything else you wanna ask me?” He teases, giving you a smug look.

You smile back at him, rolling your eyes. You’re about to have a witty comeback, but suddenly remember another thing. You can’t believe you almost forgot.

“Oh! Okay, one last thing!” You hurry over to your desk, and his eyes follow you as you make your way over and bend down to open up a drawer. He’s doing the thing again, his eyes lingering.

You find a folder you were searching for immediately and take out the first paper in it. You make your way over to him, still not looking at him yet. As you approach, he shakes himself out of the daze he had just gone into.

You stand next to him, staring at the paper for another second as he waits for whatever you have to show him. Then finally, you hand it over to him.

“What’s this?” He immediately asks.

“The first client that came in today had a follow-up session request. It was pretty detailed and picky so I had him fill out a form about it. I told him you’d call back about it in a few days.” You inform him.

“Huh. Must be serious if he’s so strict about it. Or maybe he’s just picky, I guess.” He says, skimming over the several paragraphs of writing under the ‘extra comments/requests’ section. “Guess I’ll just have to charge extra. I can give him a call tomorrow.” He finishes with a signature grin.

Then to his surprise, he suddenly feels you next to him, as you bend over him to point to something on the page.

You start to make a comment about something the client wrote, but Reigens mind kind of stops working for a moment. He glances over at you, your face dangerously close to his. He can smell your signature perfume, already familiar with it from the times you’d get close to him, pass him by, or give him rides home in your car. He loves the smell, the smell of you, and he remembers times where he’d wished he could get to experience it even when you’re not around. He starts to let himself admire you as you continue to talk to him about something he should probably be listening to.

“-And I mean I told him that might be out of our control, but he insisted on writing it. So, it’s up to you.” You finish your explanation that you didn’t realize was going unheard. But when you get no response at all, you finally turn your head. Your eyes meet for a moment, and his widen a little, snapping out of his daze again.

He immediately snaps his head forward and nods. “Mm, Okay. Understood. I’ll take care of it, (Y/n). Thank you.” He says quickly and very matter-of-factly.

You blush a little from your one second of intimacy, not expecting for him to have been staring at you like that. You slowly bring yourself to stand again.

He won’t look at you now, placing the piece of paper down next to him and pushing himself further into the desk as he goes back to scrolling on the computer.

You stand there for a little too long, like you’re a stunned animal, just looking at him curiously, wondering ‘what was that?’.

He can feel you still next to him, and there’s an awkward air. Was that too obvious? Did you finally catch him? Gotta play it off.

He clears his throat, glancing up at you again with a straight face. “I’ll take care of it, so you can head out, (Y/n).”

You jump a little, face flushing darker at how awkward you were probably making him feel just standing there in silence. “Oh, right. Thank you.”

“And, you have something in your teeth. By the way.” He adds on bluntly.

Very smooth.

Your brows furrow as you cover your mouth, tongue feeling around for something. Now you feel especially embarrassed.

Of course he just saw something in your teeth, idiot. Why else would he stare like that?

Your internal dialogue as you make your way to the door again, not dragging your pace this time.

He watches you subtly as you go, feeling a bit guilty now.

“Have a good weekend!” He calls out, but you don’t stop or look back, feeling too humiliated at the moment. You just nod and hum a “you too”, and then you’re gone.

He throws himself back, his chair reclining with him, throwing his hands over his face. His hands run back through his hair.

He wishes he had thought of a different excuse, but he was frantic, and he really can’t have you finding out about the way he feels for you. On the likely chance it makes you weirded out and decide to quit, he’d still be able manage same as he did before you were hired, but of course that’s not the reason he doesn’t want to loose you.

Once he gets over his regret or whatever this is, he gets back to work, and then an hour or so passes quickly. He finally takes a break to look at his phone.

No messages.

What was he expecting?

He thinks about you again, and all the different ways the two of you interacted today. This became a pass time for him, thinking about you, and replaying you in his mind. Before he knows it, he’s been staring at the ceiling for 10 minutes. A sigh leaves his lips.

“Damn. I need to go home too… I should wrap this up.” He speaks to himself, pulling his attention away from your temptation.

But as he tries to finish up the last of his to-do list for today, he can’t stop letting his mind wander. Every time he starts to get into the rhythm, his focus gets lost again, and there you are. Work that should’ve only taken about another hour or so turns into 2 hours. And as time passes, his thoughts of you only get more perverted.

This was like clockwork, when he couldn’t get you off his mind, his fantasizing eventually ended up a little X-rated. He finds himself starting to palm at the buldge that had appeared under his pants, staring blankly at the screen in front of him with an unfinished email, totally spaced out now.

He pushes out a shaky breath, gently massaging himself to the thought of you. The fantasy of getting to have you in any context, but right now his fantasy scenario is one that takes place in the office. You tying his hands behind his chair, straddling his lap and having your way with him. His cheeks are bright red, engulfed in his imagination. The PC fan, clock ticking, and Reigen’s unsteady breathing being the only sounds in the empty office. He’s started to work himself up without realizing.

Ding!

The sound of a notification suddenly brings him out of his daydream, his actions stopping all at once, his eyes refocusing. At first he searches the computer screen, thinking he’d have gotten an email, but there’s nothing new. He reaches for his phone, and sure enough, a text notification. From you.

The text reads:

[hey! you still at the office?]

And as he’s reading it, he receives another.

[better not be.. if you end up sick from overworking im not coming in for you! :p]

He laughs through his nose, running his hand through his hair again. He sighs. You’re right, he really needs to finish up here. If only you knew what he was really doing right now.

He was basically finished, just needed to send this last email that he’d already started. Yet, when he tries to finish it again, he just can’t seem to focus at all. He got himself too riled up, and there was only one real way he knew how to fix it, of course.

He contemplates it for a minute. Masturbating in the office… It’s a terrible idea, right? But it’s not like anyone would come after close, and he could just make it quick.

He wastes more time contemplating, but eventually comes to the conclusion that the only way he can finish up today is if he can be relieved of his thoughts of you first. This is a lie of course, he really could make himself power through, but he convinces himself otherwise. After all, he is very convincing.

He gets up from his chair and makes his way to the door, checking to make sure it’s 100% locked. God forbid something unthinkable occurs.

As he’s about to walk back to his own desk and finally get down to “business”, he stops in front of your desk, spotting something.

Your scarf is left on the headrest of your chair, and he doesn’t know how neither of you spotted it before you left. You always take it with you.

He stays frozen in place for a moment. An awful idea occurs to him.

He cant even believe what he’s doing as he saunters over to the chair, taking the scarf in his hand and bringing it close to his face. It smells like you. And your perfume. Just like he thought it probably would.

This is bad. Dangerous, even. He shouldn’t be doing this.

But then he’s sitting down in your desk chair, nuzzling his face into your left-behind apparel laced with your scent, his hand slipping down to massage himself again.

And then before he knows it, his length is out in his hand, and he’s pleasuring himself. In your chair. Surrounded by your things. Everything around him reminds him of you. The cute trinkets on the desk, the colorful paper clips keeping papers tidy, the dog-shaped sticky notes on the monitor with reminders written in your pretty handwriting. And your scent. God, he goes crazy for it.

Sighs start to escape his lips, and then soft moans begin to follow. His pumping gets faster, his hips start to buck up into his hand, his breathing getting more unstable.

This is so so wrong. Horribly wrong. You’d probably kill him if you found out.

You.

The things you’d do to him, if you knew.

His shame only fuels his arousal for some reason. Even though it’d be a nightmare if you walked in right now, for some reason the thought still turns him on. You seeing him desperate and needy like this, his dirty secret finally out. You’d finally know what you do to him, and he could confess that only you make him act like this.

“Fuck… (Y/n)…” He whines into the soft fabric in his hand.

As his imagination runs wild in his mind, he just gets more needy. All this time of touching himself to the thought, but he wants the real thing more than anything. So badly. He wants you— no— he needs you.

This prompts him to start letting out short whines, your name leaving his lips again and again. He keeps fucking his hand, wishing that somehow he’d open his eyes and see you around him instead.

“Please.. please-Ah-.. fuck..“

He starts pleading and babbling nonsense, head tilting back to look up at the ceiling.

Faster. He strokes himself at a faster pace now, sometimes stuttering as his hips jerk up involuntarily.

He cant believe he’s doing this. But it feels so good, there’s no way he could stop.

He’s nearing climax now, and his noises get less controllable as he continues to get immense pleasure from this perverted situation he’s cultivated.

He brings the scarf back up to his face, the scent renewing and giving him a better illusion of you. The fabric helping to muffle himself as well. His eyes squeeze shut and with your aroma so close to him, he can make out the image of you. Wrapped around him, moaning his name into his ear, your plush skin pressed against his own.

Finally, with one last hard thrust, he reaches his climax, his hips thrusting up and locking for a moment as he shakes with pleasure. He’s not able to catch the first line of semen that comes out way more intense than he expected. It gets on the top of your desk, but thankfully not on his clothes somehow. The rest he catches with his hand.

He sits there shocked for a moment, breathing hard and heavy. He hasn’t finished that intensely in a while.

Then he lets himself lean back into the chair to relax for a moment, sighing heavily at his intense relief.

Jesus, Reigen. You’re a fuckin creep. Look at what you’re doing right now.

He thinks to himself in his post-clarity.

He sits there in silence for a while, letting himself wallow in the shame of his actions tonight.

Then he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. He’s ready to just put this behind him, pretend it never happened.

“Alright… Guess I should-“ His own speaking to himself gets cut off as there’s a knock on the door.

He immediately goes into panic mode for a few moments. He almost answers, until he realizes it’s probably a customer. They’ll go away once they realize the shop is closed.

So he stays still and silent.

Then probably one of his worst case scenarios takes place.

He hears the security system unlock, followed by the door opening slowly, and then-

You pop your head in slowly as you look around the room, eventually locking eyes with Reigen. His heart sinks.

Luckily for him, your desk faces the door, so he’s still in the clear from your point of view. Of course not the most ideal situation to be in right now.

“Oh! You’re here,” You step inside, shutting the door behind you. “You didn’t say anything when I texted. And usually I knock before I come in during close, incase you might be busy with something, but-“ You come to a stop when you realize how in-shock— and sweaty?— he looks right now. And just the overall weird tenseness in the air. And-

“Why are you at my desk?” You ask with a slight tilt of the head.

He’s suddenly snapped back into reality, realizing the urgency of this situation. He needs to figure out how to get out of this smoothly, and fast. His hand is literally full of his own-

“Reigen?-“

“HEY!” He startles you with his sudden volume. “(Y/n)! Hey! Funny seeing you here so late I thought you went home already!” He smiles as genuinely as he can manage as he pushes out that regrettable concoction of words.

You blink a few times. “Uh… Yeahhh, well I did! I mean I was on my way, but-“ He nods along as you speak, eyes glancing around for something to wipe off the desk. “-then I found that brand of salt you like so much when I stopped at Daiso and yknow it’s always sold out so I brought it back for you. Never a bad thing to have extra stock right? Just in case.“ You tell him sweetly. He now notices the three bags of salt in your arms. Normally he’d be very pleased with this. In ideal circumstances.

“Wow, look at you! You’re really an amazing employee, (Y/n), yknow that? Have I ever told you that?” He starts to babble, giving you a big fake smile. “Thanks so much, hey, uh- Why don’t you just put them on the couch and I’ll put them away when I’m done over here. You should really head home and actually get some rest for tonight, right?”

“Oh, right.” You remember how badly you want to put these bags down now. They’re kinda heavy. You move over to the couch, hunching over to drop them down.

While you’re looking away, Reigen glances around frantically for any sort of paper towels on your desk. His eyes lock onto your box of tissues, grabbing a handful and quickly wiping the mess on the table, just before you turn back around with a labored exhale. He’s wiping himself off discretely under the desk when you make eye contact again. “So what is it you’re doing over there anyways?” You ask to his dismay. Of course you’re curious about the situation though, since he is in your work space after work hours.

He opens his mouth to answer, and he only buffers for a moment. Almost suspicious, but not quite. “Ah, I just wanted to restart your computer, I do that with mine every once in awhile. Keeps em running smoothly. But yknow then it started acting strange, so I was just checking it out.” He comes up with an adequate excuse on the fly.

“Oh, seriously? Strange how? I can help you, let me-“

“NO!” He practically shouts when you take a step towards him, making you jump. Then he clears his throat immediately. “I mean, seriously, I got it. Cmon, you don’t trust your own boss? Just get home, will ya? You worked hard today.”

His rare compliment/considerateness blinds you to how weird he was being for a moment. You start to grin a little.

“Hmm.. I mean, you’re right. But honestly I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you fixing my computer, considering I was the one who had to fix yours the last time it started having issues.” You say in a joking tone, placing a hand on your hip.

He lets out an awkward, but still believable laugh. “Ahhh, that’s right! BUT I do know my fair share about computers. I did have to function somehow before you got here, right?”

“Yeah, it’s almost unthinkable.” You roll your eyes smiling. “I’ll go home after, but I can just help real quick. I’m sure you were doing something more important before this.”

He certainly was. And he definitely regrets getting off track now. Lesson learned. And as much as he appreciates your eagerness to help him, it literally could not be a worse time for it.

“(Y/n), it’s fine. You just stay right there and watch the master at work-“

“Master? Is there a spirit in the PC or something?” You say sarcastically, crossing your arms.

“Will that convince you to leave it to the professional?”

“Well if that’s the case, maybe I should call Mob?”

Woooow. Okay, that makes him crack an actual smile, his tenseness losing up a little. “What are you talking about? You know what mob calls me, right?” He says cockily, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Oh whatever, just let me help you!” You say letting out a laugh, like this is some kind of game.

“I don’t need your help!”

“Yeah right!” You take another step towards him.

“Don’t move another muscle!”

“What, are you naked behind the desk or something?” You ask jokingly.

He lets out a loud “Ha!” At your (scarily close) accusation. “I’m sure you’d love that, wouldn't you?” His words come out as quickly as he regrets them immediately afterwards. Both of your eyes go wide at the same time, and a blush quickly surfaces on your cheeks.

His expression and his heart drop the same.

“I am so sorry. That came out wrong.” He apologizes immediately, and he’s genuine because he really did not mean for it to sound that way. With you being both his friend and now secret desire, the line between professional and unprofessional is sometimes a little foggy. He has to remind himself to tone it down maybe.

Your mouth hangs open slightly, trying to think of something, anything to say after that, but you can’t seem to form anything together. You’re not really offended, just embarrassed. What did he mean by that? Why would he think you want to see him naked? Does he know you like him?

Stupid! Idiot! Why would you say that! His mind practically screams at him. He has to say something else.

He clears his throat. “Anyways!” Of course, perfect segway. “Just watch this. Like I said, master at work.” He says quickly and slides himself out of your chair and down under the desk where the PC box sits.

You just kind of stand there awkwardly. You don’t really have anything to say to him anymore, overthinking about whatever just happened.

“Alright, come here.” He finally calls out to you after a few moments and you oblige, coming over to behind the desk. He comes up again, clicking the start button on the PC before he does. And then of course your totally-fine-in-the-first-place computer boots back up.

He gives you a satisfied look. “There. Fresh as new. You’ll thank me later.”

You cross your arms, rolling your eyes. “Wow.. I guess you really are the master.” You reply sarcastically.

“I told you, didn’t I?”

Now being this close to him, you notice again how worked he looks. Like he’d just done a workout or something.

“Why are you sweating so much? Are you sick or something? I told you not to overwork yourself..” You scold, leaning over to take some tissues out of the box off your desk and taking a few to hand to him.

He clears his throat again, hesitantly taking the tissues from you with his free hand that doesnt already have crumpled up ones in it. “Ah, no.. It’s just hot in here. I should’ve let you turn down the heater earlier. I’ve been too busy to bother getting up to adjust it.” He makes another excuse. Truly, he feels gross being this close to you right know, knowing what he just did, and that there’s still evidence of it lingering. Normally this is very much an at-home-only activity. He never thought he’d get himself in a situation like this.

You tilt your head a bit, forgetting that you had even offered to do that earlier. “Oh yeah…” You eyes trail over to the control panel across the room, while Reigen wipes his face, watching your expression carefully.

When you look back over, the two of you makes eye contact for a moment. For some reason, it feels intimate, and Reigen thinks maybe it’s just his imagination still. He should say something to get you to leave though. This situation feels way too weird.

Right before he can say anything though, your eyes finally pull away, coming to spot something on the floor.

You make a slight “Oh!” sound, noticing the scarf you left behind, now on the floor.

Reigen follows your eyes to it and doesn’t stop you when you walk around him to pick it up.

“That’s funny, I left my scarf here. I didn’t even notice I was missing it.” You shrug.

His heart beats faster watching you hold it. Maybe because he can’t stop thinking about what he was just using it for.

He watches as you unravel it and wrap it around you, still filled with anxiety, like you’d sense his filthy use of your precious accessory just by touching it. You look at him when its back on, and you make the same strong eye contact again.

This is so weird. For the both of you.

The atmosphere feels unreal, like you’re experiencing a dream right now, being alone together in the dim-lit office way after hours. And reigen was acting so strange to how he normally is, though you don’t want to address it and let him know you’re that observant to his behaviors.

“Um.. I still have more bags of the salt in my car. I couldn’t carry them all in one go.” You finally say, eyes still connected to his.

“Oh. I can help.” He replies with no real emotion, like he’s in a trance right now.

“No no, it’s okay. You finish up work. I’ll just bring the rest in.” You assure him, still not breaking eye contact.

“I should help you. You already went through the effort of buying and transporting them here.” He says and finally breaks the contact for a moment to glance over at his desk. “Actually… if you want to do something, there’s an unfinished email on my desk. I’ve been trying to write it for a while but I don’t know, I guess I’ve just lost my work energy for the day.”

“Oh! Okay yeah, I can do that. Then,” You begin to take your scarf off again, taking it and reaching up to wrap it around Reagan’s neck instead. He blushes slightly at this, but not flinching or acting bothered at all. You can feel his eyes on you as you adjust it correctly into place. “You need this instead.”

He laughs through his nose slightly, and for some reason, he’s no longer tense or anxious. Smiling at you, and you smiling back, he feels his nerves calm, and he nearly forgets about whatever the hell he was worried about.

The eye contact continues, and it feels like you might… kiss? Or that’s what would happen if this was some cliche movie or something. But neither of you would ever be brave enough to make that risky first move. So you just stand in silence again for a weird amount of time.

“So..” Reigen finally breaks it when he comes back to earth before you do “Keys?”

You jump a little “Right!” You agree and fiddle for them in your coat pocket, pulling them out and handing them over.

Then for the next 20 minutes or so, the two of you say nothing to each other. You finish up his emails at his computer while he comes in and out of the office a few times with the salt.

You’re shutting the computer down when he puts the last sack of bags down with a heavy last heave of breath. You admire the way he rolls his neck and rubs at the muscles on his arms. His sleeves are rolled up and he pulls at his tie to unloosen it a bit as he turns to look at you. You pretend like you weren’t just having questionable thoughts about him.

You offer him a ride home, and he reluctantly takes it. During the ride, the two of you get back to your everyday conversational banter, like nothing happened. And really, nothing did anyways. When you turn the corner to his apartment, the two of you are still laughing at something stupid he just said.

You’d normally pull into the parking area in front of his place, but some idiot parked on the side of the ride is too far into the entrance. Definitely not legal, and also incredibly annoying.

“What the hell. What was this dumbass thinking?” You say in disbelief, gesturing out to the car in front of you.

“Ugh. They’re notoriously bad at parking, everytime I see that car there’s always some type of note on it. Guess there’s no free spaces.” He comments, peeking out the window to try to see into the gate.

“Yeah, but they couldn’t have just parked a little further up the street? This is actually laughably bad. Like illegal, even.” You say to him and just put the car in park where you are on the side of the road. You’re obviously not getting in.

“You think we could get compensation if we reported it?” You ask, turning to him with a mischievous look. He turns to face you and can’t help but mirroring your expression.

“I’ve taught you well. I’m sure I could somehow.” He tells you to confirm your question. “But, if I’m being honest, I can’t be bothered. I just want to sleep right now.”

You give him a disappointed look and he shrugs.

“Well. Then… are you okay walking in from here then?”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine walking a few extra feet to my front door, yeah.” He answers you sarcastically and you roll your eyes immediately.

“Oh okay, attitude. Go ahead then.” You tell him with your own tone, but you’re clearly teasing with the smile across your face.

“Wow I can’t believe you’re really going to make me walk so far, (Y/n). After everything I do for you, really. If I-“

“Oh my gosh, gooooooooo!” You say, cutting off his silly monologue and pushing him towards the door with both hands.

“Alright! Alright! I’m going!” He obliges with a laugh and you let him go. When he opens the passenger door you can feel the wave of cold air and you involuntarily shiver. You’re watching him step out and come to stand, when you notice that he’s still wearing your scarf.

“Wait!” You call out on impulse and he turns around to face you, his hand placed on the hood of the car.

You think about it for a second, looking at your scarf around his neck. It looks… cute on him. And you feel like he kinda needs it, he’s not really dressed very warm. Even though he’s only walking a few extra feet like he said. You want him to use it.

You’re about to say it’s nothing and let him take it, but he seems to notice where you’re looking and looks down to notice for himself.

“Oh, right. Here.” He says and starts to take it off, but you stop him.

“No, no! Take it.” You insist. He looks at you confused, eyebrow raising.

“What? Why? You wear this everyday.” He says.

“I have other ones. You never dress warm. Just use it for the weekend and give it back to me on Monday, kay?” You tell him.

“But-“ He starts and then trails off with seemingly nothing else to say.

You just smile at him and give him a wave goodbye. He buffers there for a moment before just going with it, nodding and waving back.

“Thank you.” He says as he reaches for the door.

“Goodnight.” You tell him gently and watch him go even after he shuts the door and walks off. You sit there just for a moment, wondering why you wanted him to have your scarf so bad. And also why he agreed. He has his own, you’ve seen it before, though not often.

Hm.

Well, whatever.

[divinesolas]

BEGGING for an ethan x chubby bimbo reader smut ☹️

i cant find any nice or chubby bimbo readers with ethan on here and its awful !! i need her to be so innocent and sweet, just making ethan sandwiches and cookies while he helps her study. and then it gets to her anatomy classes and suddenly hes into the idea of corrupting her innocence, offering to better explain if they're both naked so he can point out each part of her body and then have her guess his. her hands softly touching his thighs and stomach as she tells him exactly what organs are where and hes so hard

Summary | it's hard to be someone's tutor when you're always… well hard during your tutoring session. During one of Ethan’s tutoring sessions with you he decides a more hands on approach to anatomy would be better.

a/n | i completely agree !! i love bimbo!reader sm!!

part two

“Ethan!” He was always startled when you wrapped your arms around him as soon as you opened the door for him. He always came over to yours to study since you lived in New York and your parents paid for your apartment. He liked his alone time with you and if Chad was there it would ruin it, despite the fact he’s practically dying to see how you would look lying in his sheets. He wraps his arms around you and pushes his head into the crook of your neck, breathing in the sickly sweet smell of your perfume. His hands grip at your sides, resisting the urge to slide his hands down and up your shirt. 

You pull away from him with a sweet smile and pull him in, “come in i made cookies!” Once he is fully through the door you rush away towards the kitchen, he's immediately hit with the smell of chocolate chip cookies and rushes after you, closing and locking the door before going to fin you in the kitchen. He notices a full tray already on the counter, they look as though they were just pulled out, he looks over at you and gulps. You're bent over, an oven mitt in hand pulling out the second tray, he admires you, your shorts are ride up and he can see the lacey underwear you wear and he suppresses a groan that rises up in his throat. He wants to run his hands over your thick ass, slap in, suffocate himself between them. “Cookies!”

Ethan snaps out of his thoughts as soon as you turn around and smile as you place the cookies on the counter next to the other tray. You admire them and clap before turning back to ethan, “Don't they look good?”

He nods mindlessly, not being able to take his eyes off you. You were mesmerizing, the way your eyes shined as you looked over the cookies and he tried to ignore his more indecent thoughts when he saw you lick your lips. Fuck he was going to get hard, he needed to sit down and cover himself before you realized.

“We can't eat them yet.” You sigh and pout, you were so cute and sweet he wanted to ruin you. ``But I can offer you some brownies I made yesterday. They were really good. Do you want one? You should try one!” You grab his hand and stare up at him with an eager look, he could give you something else to be eager about. “Umm maybe after we finish studying?”

You pout for a moment before nodding, “I guess you're right, that's why you're the smart one! Come on, let's go!’

He follows quickly behind you as you lead him up the stairs like you always did, he definitely didn't just want to get a good look at your ass… definitely not. You rush to sit on the bed, criss-crossed near your pillow with your notebook and textbook. You always had your stuff prepared, he sat on the opposite side of the bed, taking his backpack off and placing it on the ground next to him.

“What do you want to work on today?”

Your sessions always changed depending on what you needed for the week, whether it be math, science, history, or anything else that you needed he was always there to help you. Anything.

“hmm….” You think it over, he watches your face as you have a thoughtful look, you puff out your cheeks slightly as you think it over. He doubts he would ever get over how cute you are. His mind is suddenly filled with the most heinous thoughts. He wants you to only be thinking of him, he wants to be the only thing on your mind, he wants to ruin you.

You face suddenly lights up and you look at him with that innocently joyful face leading him to open up his notebook to cover his very obvious problem.

“i almost forgot i have a science test tomorrow, we should review that.”

“What topic are you guys on?” He wasnt in the same classes as you as he took all the advanced courses and you were in regular classes.

“hmmmm anatomy.. i think.”

The session started off normal, he had managed to suppress his urges and thoughts for a good while until you began to struggle with naming different organs and body parts.

“ugh.” you lightly toss your notebook down and huff. “i just dont get it.”

An idea crosses his mind, an idea that had his pants feeling tighter and his head in the clouds. I mean it was for science right? you wouldn't mind.

“maybe we need to try a more.. hand on approach.”

you tilt your head curiously, “like what?”

“when i say the term you point at me and tell me where on my body it is.” 

You smile and nod, “okay!”

God he loved you. Standing up he reaches behind his back and grabs the back of his shirt, stopping at your shocked expression, “ethan what are you doing?”

He laughs, “itll be easier if i dont have any clothes on, they get in the way.”

He rips his shirt off and moves to go for his pants. All you can do is stare at him in shock.

He didn't know where this sudden rush of confidence came from, maybe it was his eagerness? or maybe his stupidity when it came to you. 

Once he's fully naked the stupidity of his actions catches up to him and his face flushes, he rushes to sit down and looks at you.

you seem to be in a daze, your eyes cloudy and your eyes pointed downward. Youre looking at his dick.

You look up at him and place your hands on his thighs leading him to whimper.

he was so painful hard, his dick throbbed with need as precum ran down to the sheets, ruining them.

With your sweet smile and eager look you livk your lips before asking, “so… where do we start?”

--

part two??? JK im already working on it

[angelwishess]

Rambling about Floyra again because they genuinely make me ill

Kyra and Floyd’s relationship is honestly hard to describe. Not in the way that its confusing, but its so much deeper and complex than anything i write can convey ??

They’re both people who have never had the privledge of being able of being vulnerable, let alone infront others

They’re both people who have never been truly understood. Floyd being watered down to nothing but his mood swings, and Kyra her impulsiveness.

They’ve both never let many people get too close to them. People know them but they never understand.

They are the first and only people to ever and try to understand eachother. And they do, more than anyone else. If no one else can, who better than them? They understand eachother in a way much deeper than most realize.

Floyd never needed anyone. Kyra never needed anyone. Atleast not until they met eachother. Then, they realized just how much they needed the other. And they finally understood what it meant to love one person so much it hurt.

Kyra has mood swings, just as bad as Floyd. Its just shes grown to be able to hide it, but she has to fight back the urges to just get up and walk away from it all, the urges to get violent. Being a princess has trained her to always be “presentable”.

But then she meets Floyd, whos so unapologetically himself. And he shows all of the traits she has surpressed in herself for the longest time. And he does it without a care in the world.

And it makes her realize, its not a bad thing. Having emotions she cannot control does not make her a bad person.

While Kyra is still very emotionally constipated and struggles to understand her own emotions, somehow knowing Floyd helps her know herself, too.

And, Floyd makes her feel human.

Floyd has always been seen as some sort of “wild child”. Someone to be avoided. Labeled as uncontrollable and unpredictable, treated as something to fear.

But when he meets Kyra, hes treated gently for what feels like the first time. She treats him delicately, almost like glass. She calls him pretty, and looks at him with no fear, but with pure adoration. Genuine love. And he cant help but melt from it. She looked past the person many painted him as. And saw something beautiful.

For once he isnt being treated for some kind of unpredictable beast. And for once, Kyra isn’t being treated like someone who needs to be perfect all of the time.

Two people who have never been vulnerable, find themselves being fully vulnerable to eachother. Their flaws and ugly parts all bare and on display for the other to see. So clearly exposed, for the very first time.

And yet, even after all of the flaws and imperfections, they still love eachother so purely and so genuinely. Even without having to hide their issues or hold themselves back— they could be themselves, together. Unapologetically together. They looked past the surface, past all of the grime and cracks and found something beautiful only they could truly understand.

The purest form of love, and it cannot be described as only love.

They are not just lovers, but something much deeper and much more worse. They are something that can only be described as even more than platonic or romantic. Soulmates, twin flames, eachother’s other half— whatever you want to call them. They are everything and more, somehow and in some way.

They are complex, and their bond runs deeper than any bond theyve ever had before. Not many realize it, but they dont need anyone else to realize it. They know eachother and they understand eachother and thats all they need.

At the end of the day when theyre overwhelmed and tired, they know they can find home and comfort in eachother. In eachother, they found a new freedom to be vulnerable. Within eachother they found peace. A bestfriend, a lover, a favorite person, partners in crime and in life, and something even more.

Their love was slow, patient. It developed over time and only grew deeper. A sudden realization of the obvious truth. They realized, that they’ve already given their hearts to eachother. Kyra was already his, and Floyd was already hers long before they even knew it.

To be so in love that it was so natural, basically second nature to simply just give yourself away to the other. It was ridiculous but it was their truth. Before they knew it they became irreplacable parts of their lives.

“Til’ death do we part” is a lie. Because they’ll find eachother even after that. In every universe, in every world. One way or another. They were already worlds apart, seperated from eachother in this reality; and yet still they managed to find eachother even so.

Their love is pure, unapologetic. Raging, uncontainable and raw. It shines brightly, burns bigger than any fire. It is so deeply instilled in their very beings that it was hard to believe one could love another so much. They never even thought they were capable of such a thing.

But then again, they always did have a way to bring out every part of eachother, sides of themselves they never even realized they had.

I could ramble about them even more but i’ll stop myself for now … HEHEHE

Theres something about someone who’s watered down to something unpredictable and wild, seen as an uncontrollable whirlwind of emotions that is incapable or caring for anyone but themself— melt in gentle hands. Someone who is seen as “scary” go soft and letting themselves be vulnerable in someone else’s arms … its my favorite trope and u can NEVERR tear it away from me 🔥🔥

(When I said “flings” i meant when people for some reason make him some sort of flirty play boy ?? I am not kidding the amount of things ive seen of that 😭)

A special thank you to @screamintoad for letting me yap about them 🫶🫶 ily man HEHEHE 💗

[icarusmonsoon]

healed wounds, mended hearts pt II - rafe cameron

rafe cameron x reader, enemies x lovers, a lot of fluffs and angst between the characters and Y/n, hurt-comfort, a short fanfic series

Part I

___________________________________________

PART II

Rafe

A soft thud was heard from his back, he wasn't sure what made him turn in the middle of preventing Pope from dumping the cross into the ocean but he did. They both did. Rafe can see a familiar figure laying on the floor, blood soaking their side with one of his dad's man looming over them. His heart stopped when he realized who that was, anger spiking up at the thought of what just happened.

He stepped away from Pope, with him doing the same as he just now realized what had happened. Rafe thought he was supposed to be bright. How come Pope didn't realize his best friend was hurt and just now noticing because he stopped coming after him?

"Y/n" he mumbled to himself as he strode past containers, urging himself to get to that man as fast as possible. Anger washed over him with the thought of her being hurt. "Bos i-" There was no time for the man to finish his sentance because the minute Rafe got to the smirking man, he pulled his collar upward, his other hand strangling the man's neck from the side. "You did that huh? You fucking stabbed her?"

"Yeah Bos said to-"

"It doesn't matter what my dad said because i am your bos too, no? Besides he ordered you all to make them leave! And you fucking stabbed her." He spat, his blood ran hot through his whole body.

Rafe punched his face, again, and again, and again. All he see was red, his hands, his vision, the man's face.

"Y/n! Stay with me okay? You stay awake. Fuck! Y/n?" He heard a voice called out in the back and it pulled him out of his mind. Y/n.

Rafe let go of the pathetic man, throwing his body intentionally harsher to the wet side of the floor. He turned his body to face her frail figure with her head leaning against Pope. Her eyes was closed, and he knew. He knew there was not much of an option. And at that exact moment he doesn't care if her friends don't agree, he doesn't care if she'll hate him the next time she sees him. Pope looked forward, their gaze locking, realization so prominent in Pope's pleading gaze as it filled with panic and desperation.

They both realized it was the only way to save her. They have a doctor onboard, whereas if she goes with the rest of the pogues, no one exactly knew where they'll lay ashore, if they'll find any land at all. They were all in the middle of nowhere, that was the only thing they were sure about.

"She has to stay"  Rafe said to him, and though they both knew it, the boy shook his head. Denial clouding his senses as he wrap protective arm around Y/n's limp body, preventing Rafe to go near her. "No there must be another-"

Rafe stepped forward, his arms flying to his sides with frustration. "For fuck sake Heyward you do realize we have a doctor here? And what are you freaks planning to do to her? Huh? Stitch her wounds with what Kiara's hair tye? In the middle of the fucking oce-"

"Just- shut up! Cameron. I get it, okay? But I don't trust you people to just leave her here. That is way out of the option"

"So i guess you have a better idea, yeah? Look, I don't give a single shit if anything happens to you all, but you have to trust me when i say this Heyward. I'd rather that" he pointed at her wound "I'd rather be the one got wounded than seeing her like this. Please, I cant live witho-" he stopped himself.

"I can't live knowing i didn't do anything to save her Pope, and i think you do too" he said, his eyes gleaming with frustration and a desperate need to do something. Pope saw something he had never ever seen before, a side so out of character for the Cameron boy. God, a boy like Rafe wouldn't ever say the word please to anyone, let alone someone who is both a pogue and his enemy. Pope literally saw tears on his eyes through his own blurry vision.

Cleo was the one to act out, grabbing Pope by the shoulder whispering things as a sign to leave. They all knew the consequences that could occur if they dont act fast. And right now all of them were distracted enough to not cause any more trouble for both sides. It was a free pass for the pogues, and a guarantee for the cross's safety for Rafe.

"Just go, before i make the call. I don't care, use the lifeboat if you want." Rafe said before he knelt down, his hands hovering over Y/n's body for a second as if he were contemplating whether or not to touch her without any consent. He was a terrible human being, a mess, but not ever a person to take advantage of a woman. His mind flashed to the day he almost drowned Sarah, the guilt taking control of his emotion. He knew he was wrong, but it wasnt like he can control himself. He really needs help.

But he realized this was an urgent call as he decided to do it nonetheless. He scooped her up, trying to be as gentle as possible whilst holding her close to his chest as he stood up, his one hand opening his phone to call for backup bellow Y/n's body.

Both Pope and Cleo looked at him as they slowly walked backwards. "Just take care of her, if anything happens to her i swear to god we'll get you Rafe" and with that, Cleo pulled him further away from them and left, trying to find the others with hearts as heavy as stones.

To be continued...

Part III

NO SMUT YET BUT I PROMISE YALL ITS HAPPENING SOON

[lostinvasileios]

im sorry if i sound insecure or something but have you ever been in a place where you couldnt explain your relationship or practice to people that much because you dont have the words for it? like i want to tell someone about how much i love my deities but i cant really describe anything about why i do or something without feeling sort of stupid because i cant phrase it right, does that make sense? im sorry if thats hard to understand

Greetings, love bee!! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Thank you for sending in your ask. 💛🌷

So, yes, actually. I have. I actually still feel that way. In my own journey, that's been a feeling I've had pretty much the entire time. My emotions always felt so much more profound than my vocabulary could keep up with. No matter how many big and beautiful words I found, they never truly could capture the essence of it and I hated that for so long when I was beginning. Having urges to share the beauty you've gone through or whatever is normal during practicing.

But… That's not a bad thing, bee. As I've come to learn, that - only makes it more special. I get it can be annoying, but you don't owe anybody an explanation to anything about your path or things relating to it.

A thing I had to learn pretty quickly (like 6-7 months into my practice) was that... Your path isn't really... Meant to be understood by anybody else other than you. I mean, this is what mine is like at least. I can't truly immerse anyone into what my life is like or has been like with my deities, because they won't be able to remember it the way I can. They can't feel the exact, or most likely even similar, emotions I did - in the way I did - because... It didn't happen for them. My deities said that to me, they showed that to me, they did this and that for/to me. Just as, their deities did that for them and they got to experience things I did not and probably won't.

Now, there are of course times where I or you will find others who can relate on certain levels, swap stories and see the similarities, and so forth. However, you two can give each other as many details as you can muster and as basically humanly possible, but - at the end of the day... That experience is yours alone. Their experience, is theirs alone.

And that's - beautiful to me, honestly.

It really helps me realize just how - unique... How truly special this all is. There are details about my practice that nobody besides me and my deities will ever understand, and though I sometimes wish to share them with others - some things are simply meant to stay with the experiencer & those involved within the experience. Some things are just either not going to be well received, well understood, well liked, ect. Some things are just - safer with you and your deities. Which is why the saying "keep the personal details to yourself" exists within witchy communities.

Another thing is that languages as a whole can be very limiting even with all the beautiful words that you can find. Grammar rules too. Me and my deities often break things like language or grammar to better communicate, because - we understand each other. The meaning behind our made up words or complex grammar style, almost like our own language. You can try to mix up your own way of telling someone about your deities and the bond you have, the knowledge you've gained and the experiences or theories you have gotten over the time you've practiced, but, it might be confusing. And more than often, if someone is confused, they can get angry. They can begin to invalidate you. Ect.

But, at the same time, you're also entitled to speak about it even if little to nobody understands it. You're allowed to be confusing and make language whatever you need it to be to get your point across and satisfy those desires to share. If you want to, nobody's really stopping you. And, you might just meet someone who can understand certain extents, or be similar to you. That in itself is kind of why we even have religion or the knowledge of deities in the first place. Because someone went out and preached it, someone brave went and documented it for others to learn.

I think I yapped a bit here, sorry about that, bee, lol. Hopefully I made some form of sense here. Enjoy your path and may no evil follow you, loveling! 🤍🤍

[neteyamb]

ashes to ashes: chapter two

pairing: loak x f!omatikaya reader

summary: as a healer, y/n had taken an oath to treat every patient with their best interests in mind. this hadn’t been a problem, until loak’s petty injuries become a routine. she has to swallow her pride and feign concern, feign kindness, and face the ugly hate that has been brewing between them for years. 

tags: enemies to lovers, best friend kiri, mentions of blood, tension

word count: 1.6k

notes: i literally put one (1) drink into my system and feel the overwhelming urge to write them making out sloppily but i CANT yet. bear with me.

⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･

billie bossa nova

love when it makes you lose your bearings / it might be more of an obsession / you better lock your phone / and look at me when you're alone / won't take a lot to get you goin' / i'm sorry if it's torture though / that heavy breathin' on the floor / i’m yours, i'm yours 

nova – a star that suddenly increases its light output tremendously and then fades away to its former obscurity

maiya’s eyes were locked on you as you watched loak storm out of the hut, tail swishing wildly behind him. your shoulders were tense, and you stared at his back with a blaze flickering behind your eyes as if you were attempting to burn a hole straight through him. she pursed her lips before giving a resigned sigh. “y/n, dear, a healer must welcome someone in need with open arms. i realize you two have… issues, but eywa has chosen this path for you. do not throw it away for this boy. you have a strong heart and gentle hands, you will grow to be a fine healer.” 

your stomach dipped at her words, surprised by the comforting gesture. you were happy to work alongside such an understanding woman, but you felt misplaced as a medicine man. the title weighed heavy on your conscience; everytime you were faced with a bloodied guest, you doubted the purity of your morals. were you even upstanding enough for them to put their trust in you? a twinge of guilt filled your lungs, compromised your senses, and made your cheeks darken in shame under her kind eyes. you turned towards her and offered what you hoped was more of a smile than a grimace before resuming your work. 

✶✶✶✶

your apprenticeship left ample room for free time. you wandered the archery grounds, absentmindedly shuffling the stones under your feet. kiri would meet you there shortly for a round of target practice. you admired the way she carried herself, unburdened by responsibilities. this wasn’t to say that kiri didn’t have responsibilities; she frequently prepared meals with her mother, watched over tuk, and wove beautiful clothing articles for her siblings. sometimes she could even be found working with remedies at your side. but she was a free spirit, balancing these tasks with ease. no singular label tied her down.

as she approached the clearing, you offered her a beaming smile and waved her over with a bow in your hand. “hey girl, long time no see!” she shouted from the trees. “i saw you yesterday, kiri. although since then my life has drastically changed!” you sarcastically shouted back with an amused grin on your lips. a loud laugh waved through her body as she came to a stop beside you. “ready to get your ass beat?” she asked, removing an arrow from her quiver. you shoved her side lightly, “it depends, is that what usually happens to the winner?” 

the playful jabs continued throughout the training, ebbing away at the worry you carried in your chest from the day before. you two were tied, each with one target to go. you straightened your spine and pulled the drawstring back, allowing it to rest lightly on your lips. you squinted an eye, inhaling sharply through your nose before letting it fly to hit dead center. you whipped your head in her direction, smug. “wow, i can’t believe i’m the best archer ever. i’d like to thank my family and also eywa for this opportunity,” you teased. she smacked you lightly with her tail, a smirk on her lips as she released her own string. “a tie again. one of these days i’ll get you. sleep with one eye open, y/n.” 

you chirped at eachother the whole way back to hometree, eventually slipping into quiet, lighthearted conversation. you lay on your back, the grass tickling the nape of your neck as you chew your lip worriedly in a lapse of silence. “kiri,” you start cautiously, “have you ever felt like shit? generally? i mean, i love maiya like a mother, but i sometimes feel like i’m wasting my days in that hut. i don’t even know if i’m cut out for it.” you avoid her eyes, instead suddenly finding great interest in the trees above. she rolls onto her stomach, pinching her nose in thought. “sometimes. like, i don’t even know if i fit into any one role, i just wander. i think loak is the same; although he’s always training with dad, i’m not sure his heart is in it.” you tense at the mention of his name, chewing the inside of your cheek as you hum in response. of course, she knew you two weren’t on good terms, but he was her brother, and you weren’t daft enough to assume he would just disappear; nor would you ever ask her to censor her life for you. “and, y/n, you are not only a healer,” she adds. you meet her eyes now, pushing yourself to mirror her soft smile. she strays from the topic, leaving the sentence hanging with promise and assurance. 

you find yourself heading back to the healing hut in hopes of finding maiya. instead, a lone figure was hunched over your fieldnotes, too tall to be the elder in question. loak, with trained ears, hears you in the entrance despite your quiet steps. you march over to him, peeling the journal from his grasp. “that’s not yours,” you spit. although the journal held only facts and data of wildlife, you felt violated that he’d looked through it. he leans back on the counter, peering down at you through his brow with a coy smirk tugging at his lips. “your writing is illegible. it looks like it belongs to some blind kid.” you seethe, flashing your canines passively while you hurriedly flip through the pages, half-expecting him to have ripped some out. they were pristine, as you had left them. your eyes meet his again, viscous like honey from the irritation swimming in them. “what do you want?” he clenches his jaw and manually removes his gaze from your own, putting his arm out to you defiantly.

his bicep is marred with blood, now dry and coppery against his cerulean skin. you surrender, remembering what maiya had told you after his last visit. while you didn’t have your heart set on being a healer, you didn’t want to disappoint her. she relied on your help; no longer swift or energetic enough to make the trip for gathering. he allows himself to be led towards the mat, feeling your prodding fingers pushing him down to sit. dusk had began to fall on the village, leaving a cool breeze gliding through the flaps of the hut. you take a cloth to his bicep, which he still holds out for you quietly. he clenches his jaw at the pressure you apply, refusing to let out a hiss of pain in your presence. 

“looks like the trainee isn’t off to a great start. i’ve been here for about an hour,” he grunts. you furrow your brow, feeling it twitch with annoyance, and press the cloth harder into his wound. “ow, what the fuck?” he barks. “don’t be an ass, i’m the only one here to help you.” your jaw juts in anger, eyes trained on him for his next move. your interactions were like a game of chess; each word aimed at destroying the other’s ego. right now, loak was losing. and he knew it. quick to retaliate, he counters, “you’re hardly any help at all.” he was struggling to control his voice, hate rising in his throat like bile. but chess was a game of calculation; whoever breaks first is the loser. 

you narrow your eyes, nipping at your cheek in a feeble attempt to keep your temper in check. you dip your fingers into the fresh pot of yalnabark that sat near your hip. “if you were a better warrior you wouldn’t get mauled every day, you wouldn't need my help,” you jeer. loak’s stomach tenses with rage, causing him to stutter under your touch. “if you were a better warrior, you’d be on the battlefield instead of fawning over every scratch in the clan,” he snaps, ripping his arm away. 

it’s wrong to hurt someone who seeks assistance in your own healing hut. you know that. he was grasping for the upper hand, and overstepped. you could ignore it if you really wanted to. fuck it, though. you shove him into the mat, shouting curses in his face. he was able to keep up with your rapidly escalating anger, growling as he pushed you back. you jolt under his weight, hissing into his chest in a blind rage. a sly grin formed on loak's face, heavy amber eyes following the movement of your mouth as it cursed him to the moons and back. it was short lived as you weighed your options before choosing to knee him in the groin. his hand gripped your forearm as he groaned in pain, pushing you farther into the floor.

the anger you carried was usually shackled tightly, hidden desperately behind thick curtains. loak was the only person you revealed it to. and when you did, instead of the usual passive, clinical, and impersonal 'calming' techniques used by others, he’d bite back with equal force. you would dance with eachother using dangerous words and petty pushes. and the both of you craved it; an outlet to drown in. 

maiya chooses then to walk into the hut, watching you aggressively jostle eachother around like children. disappointment etched across her face as she towered over the scene. loak’s eyes follow yours to meet her gaze. both of your cheeks reddened as you fastidiously removed your hands from eachother. he scrambles to his feet, providing you with one last private snarl before leaving you alone in the hut with her yet again. you locked your jaw, anticipating her reaction with a clenched, dry throat.

⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･

notes: the devil over my shoulder was telling me to write y/n licking him during that scene, but im a child of god.

taglist: @weasleytwinwheezes

[craqueluring]

hi i LOVE ur acc and i was wondering if u had any ideas on this cause i cant seem to like. figure it out? in mizumono hannibal's like "do you think you could change me? the way ive changed you," and wills like "i already did." and i was like WOAHSJDGF. but like also how? i get the general feeling that he changed to view himself capable of love and realized he did actually want understanding and acceptance?? but i feel like theres a shift in his mindset based on his actions im not getting?? or rather how will changed him? like what of wills actions led to it? if that makes sense?

OMG hi!! i think this is the first ask ive gotten of someone asking me about what i think of a specific scene in hannibal and i am SO excited about it, so thank you!!!!! and also for saying you love my account, it means so much <3 thank u thank u thank u

okay but YES i have many ideas about this, I'm gonna go back to a couple lines before this, though, and go line by line and explain how i personally interpret this scene and topic!! sorry this is so long i got excited <3

warning: i make a lot of assumptions about hannibal's past which i am not 100% sure about, because the show makes his past very very vague. i am mainly going off just what the show implies and tells us, not the books.

also, there is a TLDR at the end of this!

-

hannibal says, almost exasperatedly, "my freedom, then. you would take that from me. confine me to a prison cell" and then looks at abigail. she looks down, almost guiltily, and i feel like in this moment everyone is remembering how hannibal took /will's/ freedom from him and confined /him/ to a prison cell (using abigail's fake death). and he is acting like it is somehow unfair that will would do the same to him.

but hannibal /is/ right in that he and will took or were going to take each other's freedoms for entirely different reasons. hannibal confined will to a prison cell because he was trying to change will for what he genuinely thought was the better. this is evident by hannibal saying "i have always had huge faith in you, will" and "i think you are more in control now than you have ever been" and the rebirth themed episode directly after will gets out of prison. will's imprisonment was to change him. this change was not only will being more "in control," but more in tune and intimate with his "urges," and generally more intimate and less afraid of the parts of his mind he had been trying to suppress.

after hannibal says "...confine me to a prison cell," and looks back at will, he looks thoughful for a moment. that is when he says "do you believe you could change me, the way i have changed you?" because he is asking will if he believes that he could change hannibal by imprisoning him (which was his "plan" with jack for most of s2b), just as hannibal changed will by imprisoning him. 

will replies with "i already did," the script says after that, "hannibal studies will a moment, realizing he's right." will did not need to imprison hannibal in order to change him. by just making hannibal feel this kind of love, devotion, and trust, he had already changed hannibal drastically. i dont believe hannibal had felt what he felt for will since mischa 30-40 years ago. to really put it in perspective, hannibal had gone through his entire life probably completely alone, letting nobody close to him like he let will be close to him. he never let himself be seen, and never let himself trust enough to experience anything like this (presumably).

will's changing hannibal is also shown physically by the entire scene in mizumono happening at that moment. hannibal massacred everybody in his own house. this is not the way he kills. his kills are not impulsively reactionary or born of emotions as intense and volatile as he was feeling in response to will's betrayal. will himself says hannibal's kills are like "pests he's swatted," born of annoyance at best. this killing and violence resulting from a situation of genuine, deep hurt is entirely new for hannibal. like i said, hannibal had not let himself truly be seen by anyone other than will in a very long time, and he trusted will in a way he didnt even trust bedelia in season 3. when hannibal found out will's betrayal of him, he was heartbroken. heartbreak is not something hannibal is supposed to open himself up to. he is supposed to be in complete control of his emotions and actions. but he wasn't, and he did open himself up to this heartbreak. so, this cocktail of emotions is completely and entirely foreign to hannibal (other than mischa), and he unleashes it all in the mizumono massacre. what hannibal does for will makes him act in ways he does not and has not acted before, generally.

semi-TLDR: so, will changed hannibal because he was the first person hannibal loved and trusted in this very vulnerable way since mischa. because of this, he was the first person capable of betraying hannibal in such a deep-cutting way. will caused hannibal to let himself experience love and trust again. and also heartbreak and betrayal. these volatile emotions are all behind hannibal's mizumono massacre, which is absolutely uncharacteristic of him (at least, up until this point). in this way, will changed hannibal.

as for the consequences of this change in hannibal: hannibal is grappling with this realization/coming to terms/figuring out how to deal with his love of will (and will's betrayal) during mizumono and post-mizumono. he doesn't know what to do with this change in himself. s3a is literally just hannibal trying to figure out how to deal with his uncontrollable obsession with/love of will and what to do with it. and also how to deal with will's consistent rejection of him (mizumono betrayal, the knife in the uffizi gallery, and the digestivo rejection). secondo is where he concludes that the only way he can forgive will for making him feel this way (and for his influence of hannibal to betryal himself) is to eat him, as he did the same to his sister. when they're back at will's house after the brain eating is interrupted, and after the consequent muskrat farm massacre, hannibal is regretting something (either the brain eating, killing abigail, or opening himself up to wills "influence" at all. or all three.), and starts writing theoretical formulas to turn back time in a notebook. after will's final rejection in digestivo, hannibal turns himself in. hannibal is All Over The Place after he starts loving will and lets himself be heartbroken by will: he kills abigail, runs off to europe, tries to kill will and eat his brain, then regrets it and tries to convince will to let it go, and then puts himself in prison after will rejects him. i'm not going to go into the reason for the prison thing because this is already getting too long, lol.

hannibal is known for being able to control his emotions and calculate his actions very carefully. hannibal literally says "you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love." and bedelia says "what your sister [and now will] made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict." hannibal is used to being able to control and predict his emotions. the appearance of his uncontrollable and unpredictable love and forgiveness of will is in direct conflict with what hannibal is used to, and this is the change in hannibal that will caused.

full-TLDR: will changed hannibal because he was the first person hannibal felt love and trust for in this very vulnerable way since mischa. because of this, will was also the first person capable of betraying hannibal in such a deep-cutting way. will caused hannibal to let himself experience love and trust again. and also heartbreak and betrayal. these volatile emotions are all behind hannibal's mizumono massacre, which is absolutely uncharacteristic of him (at least, up until this point). after hannibal runs off to europe, he doesn't know what to do with this change in himself. the entirety of s3a is largely hannibal trying to figure this out, and he concludes by putting himself in prison.

-

of course there are many different ways to interpret this very complex scene & topic, so those are just my thoughts (which are admittedly a little shakey still, lol) i hope that kinda answered your question, or you at least got something out of this! :]

[sweeeeeeeeeeets]

Prompt :

insert title for story

insert very short love story where at the end, the love interest dies a tragic death (like *insert love intrest name* was crushed by a truck taking a turn. {And then its over, like the stories done})

Warning/Facts (?) -> Names/Terms of endearment : babe, honey-boo (jokingly), 'my love' / Swearing (specifically the F word) used in a 'why do this?' type of way. / Sad story. / Short. / Is all in Mc (Sasha) pov.

Main Character (mc) -> Sasha Andrews

Love intrest -> Thomas Smith

Side Character -> Thomas Mother, slight mention of Sasha's parents.

Side note -> please dont be offended if you have those names, I just came up with 'em on the spot. And, the story isn't exactly like the prompt, I wrote that prompt like a month ago, and I decided to write this now. The prompt jas been in my drafts for awhile.

NONE OF THIS IS EDITED!

By continuing, you know what you are getting into.

Why didn't I say I love you?

'Why didn't I say I love you?' I thought, looking at the dozens of photos of me and my boyfriend. We had just gotten into such a big fight, and amist all that rage, I stormed out of the apartment. Im lucky my parents live by and have left my room alone. The anger has finally bubbled down, its been hours anyways. But....all I feel is guilt. Even when me and Thomas fight, we always say 'I love you' before we leave....he had yelled it, so why didn't I yell it back? Ugh, I can feel the lump in my throat, the growing urge to break down crying. Why didn't I just say it? Why was I so angry? He hasn't contacted me since, and I dont feel it is my place to contact him. Its been hours, maybe this is our last fight? No. Dont be silly, you love him, and he loves you. It's going to work itself out in the end. Dont worry.

Heh, dont worry, dont worry? Ive been repeating that silly line too myself for the past week, oh, how I miss the warmth of our sleepy cuddles, the small talks, the silent dinners in each others comforting presences. I miss him, my love, I miss how we would lay in bed, have silly banter, and just, cuddle till we couldn't hold our eyes open anymore, till our brains finally said thats enough. Oh, how I miss Thomas.

I finally broke down crying, its around 2 am, maybe I should text him? But, no. I cant, its not my place....but, he also deserves an apology. I type it up, hoping the paragraph was good, before realizing, a call would be better, Deleting the paragraph, my finger going up to hover over the call button, one second of hesitation, before pressing down and calling him. It rung three times, three rings Ill never forget what happened next.

The call started, I wait for the hello, signifying that he was on the other end....."Hello? Im sorry, but if your calling Thomas, hes busy right now" a female voice, almost shaky replied, I recognized it to be his mother's voice, I quickly responded, hoping she wont hang up before I get the chance to speak. "Is he ok? Are you ok?" I was concerned for both of them, one, my boyfriend has always picked up the phone, and two, his mothers voice was so shaky, almost like she has been or is crying. "No, and no. Thomas- he- he is in the hospital right now, hes.....hes not going to make it." It took me a full minute to comprehend what I was being told, before I knew it, tears were already rushing down my cheeks "w-what happened?" I said, trying not to sound like I was crying, trying to stay strong. The voice on the other end, hesitated for a minute, the silence growing, before it was broken, and she had said "He had been in a car accident, fatal." I couldn't take it anymore, letting out a broken sob, trying to calm down. The phone hangs up, his mother must've decided the conversation wasn't going anywhere with the way things were going.

I drop my phone on the bed, crying as I sink to my knees. Hes gone? Hes gone? That cant be true.....but it is, isn't it? I cant deny the facts....some memories flashing through my vision. We were cuddling, his arms around my waist, we were having a small chat. "My love, we both know I make the better pancakes, you can't deny that." And I had responded with a playful chuckle "uh-huh, well, sorry Honey-boo, your wrong." And it all began. All the memories flooding my brain, tears rolling down my cheeks, soaking the fabric of my top. "Why did you have to take him away? What the Fuck did he do? He didn't do anything to deserve this........" I said angrily, before continuing on, a sadder tone, one that was softer "Why didnt I say I love you?"

Written by me. {April/11/2024}

[andvys]

Robin hasn’t come to see you, she didn’t apologize and she didn’t say goodbye either, not in person and not on the phone. It broke your heart a little, despite what happened, you still consider her your best friend even if you aren’t hers anymore.

okay fuck you then robin 🤨 nance is my girl now 🫶

A smile appears on your face as Eddie starts playing the next song, he winks at you as he mouths ‘for you, baby.’ 

uhuhu we get songs now?? i love being a rockstars gf

“I’m Drew,” he says as he holds his hand out for you.

oh hell no drew i can see he's the one who's gonna catch my hands

He licks his lips, chuckling, “you’re kind of a bitch, you know that right?”

you're kind of asking for a whooping bro 🤨

He leans closer to you and puts the half empty bottle on the table before he places his cold hand on your thigh.

HELL NO WHAT IS THIS BITCH DOING

This guy is shorter than Drew but he definitely packs more muscles than him and Steve.

not him and his little pitbull 😭

The bartender looks at you in confusion as you walk towards him, “you got a gun?” you ask.

DAMN OKAY THATS VERY JAMES BOND OF HER

The older man nods, turning to look at Drew, he glares at him, “get your ass up, we’re leaving.”

yes you better be creep 💅

“You need to see a doctor,” you mumble, you avoid looking into his eyes as you cup his cheeks, eying the wounds, “you might have a concussion.”

this man has experienced so many ass whooping idk how he doesn't have concussions all the time

But god, Steve wants you so bad.

well what can i say... we're just irresistible like that 😌

“Oh, don’t worry, it wasn't the first time someone called me that,” you say as you briefly look into his eyes.

OOOOOOOOO TELL HIM GIRL!!

“I don’t think you ever loved me, Steve. You are just scared of ending up alone. You always knew that it wouldn’t work out with any of your girls and you knew how much I loved you, you knew you would never be alone with me there,” you say, trying to blink the tears away.

oof the call out 🤭

“I-I was scared to end up like him… my father. I didn’t want to hurt you the way he hurt my mom, he constantly cheats on her, I didn’t want to do the same to you when we’d start dating. I-I thought that if I did all of this now, then I wouldn’t feel the urge to be with anyone else later on. But, I didn’t realize that I was already hurting you.”

bro.... that's even worse steve 😭😭

Tears fall from his eyes, his eyes show nothing but sadness and heartbreak but he nods in understanding and he gives you a sad smile, “I get it,” he whispers, “I’m sorry for everything.”

i mean... karma? 😳

“I don’t forgive you.”

OH SHIT SHE IS RUTHLESS HAHA

“I… I don’t love you anymore, Steve.”

SHE JUST KEEPS GOING BRO

He kisses your forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment as he closes his eyes.

oh how bad he fumbled huh 🤭

Everybody leaves him.

now he can feel like y/n 😙

“Shit baby…. you wanna make me a real daddy huh?”

eeeeeEEXUCE ME 😳😳😳

“We could make things work, you know?” he whispers. 

SORRY?????

ANDY... what is going on in that gorgeous mind of yours huh? 🤭 CANT WAIT FOR MORE I AM ADDICTED

I'M DYING OVER THE "not him and his little pitbull" I FUCKING CANT LMFAOO

And omg ikr? He always ends up in the worst fights but walks away with just scratches and bruises 😭

R finally stood up for herself and told him off 😌

He definitely lost a goooood thing here

And hhehehe Eddie for sure wants to be a daddy 😏 & the last line might not be what you think........

I'm so happy you like it so much 🥺❤️

[malevolententity]

PROJECT 14!! I TOOK A BREAK FROM PATTERNING RICHAS!!

oh boy!! this took all of quarentena part 1 to make!! its been a few years since i made anything mesh so whipping up this hat in? what 5 and a half hours? maybe 6? i have not checked the vod time and i was also Cooking Dinner during a portion of it so time is hard to judge on how long this actually took. but it was fun! it Did reawaken my urge to crochet a mesh shirt even tho i would never wear it because it would be so uncomfortable. but making mesh is just so very mindless in a way thats good for me. maybe i should make a mesh blanket to scratch that itch.

we have an array of models for this item! to try and show off the mesh say hello to the bobby i made back in? oh the beginning of april i believe? i dont think any of you have actually seen bobby he might have been a twitter exclusive, say hi to bobby. we also have green garlic my bulbasaur showing off the mesh the best i believe!

QUARENTENA SEASON THOUGHTS! YES I AM CALLING IT A SEASON THERES GONNA BE 2 EPS. SEASON 1 ONLY HAD 3 EPS. THIS TOO CAN BE A SEASON!

i am blown away by how fun this group is and the skills they all have to roleplay in a second or third language for like 6 hours with basically no breaks to speak their natural languages. that is taxing to do and to deliver a story on top of that? i am so proud and impressed with all of them. also holy shit????????? no one fucking died???? i was convinced when the oneshot, now season, was announced that it was going to be a dungeon crawl that ends in everyone dying. i cant believe theyre all still alive after that?? AND THEN THERES ANOTHER EPISODE IRL NEXT WEEK?? i cant wait for the tpk next week!

i love this entire cast of characters theyre all such weird fucking guys in the most complimentary ways. I LOVE THAT WE BASICALLY GOT A SAW MOVIE??? THRIVING!! in a move that shall surprise no one. diego is my favorite. look at him. he is guy of all time to me. BUT OKAY THEYRE ALL WEIRD and usually when you have a cast of weirdos theres always someone who doesnt gel but they all did!! they all fought each other!!! but they all still complimented each others insanity and. this is what the party comp is To Me

i am too lazy to open photoshot for this tonight. maybe you get it proper tomorrow<3

i loved the ending. i loved the slow realization on everyones faces that in saving themselves they might be killing the world and still themselves!!!! also i cant wait to see the fall out next week. i am so fucking upset my dnd game is scheduled for around the same time so i am going to miss probably the first 2ish hours but i know my dash and the official!!!! twitter updates account!!! will catch me up on those two hours so i can jump back in. but AAAA oh i loved this. i dont know if it was on purpose that this felt like a zero escape game at times but oh man the production quality in this vs where m at in season 2 is just mind blowing. i knew it got better once they started being in the studio but this was so great for a home game. ALSO YALL GO CHECK ON AMY??? GO GET THE KID??? YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE TRAUMATIZED BABY ALONE AFTER EVERYTHING U DID TO KEEP HER ALIVE??? GO GET HER?????

AND ALSO?? STUDIO NEXT WEEK?? BRAZIL MEETUP??? OH I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE IT ALL AND WHAT HAPPENS. this is def my longest update for this silly crochet project i started just a few months ago and i apologize but also. i dont because this show does mean so much more to me than i know how to put into words. and its been a long time since i fell in love with a tabletop universe this quickly. and i feel so grateful that i got to be introduced to this ttrpg earlier this year, and got to pull some friends into watching quarentena tonight because theyve heard me gushing about how good this universe is and how i trust this to be satisfying horror which is so hard to do in ttrpgs, but thats another post for another day.

[donjunnannnnnn]

(low key describing)the cause of…. my intention to translate Crime Of Passion, and other things….

i said a lot so i better do this.

in february i watched jcs00, the next day i woke up realized i had a huge crush on the actor who played judas. this might sounds insane, but for the month after, i, (watched the subtitled Martin Guerre video and completely fell in love with guillaume), (watched des hommes and again, fell in love with it. but back then i knew nothing about french, so i understood nothing) (i started to learn french) (Watched Follies and fell in love with it)

even so i still don’t have a clear idea for him. i mean, i love him, and i know this man have remarkable ability to create his own style on stage. but it didn’t let me know him any better, its just his character he loved, and his performance i slowly grew my understanding of. but, i want to have a better understanding for, everything, and im not satisfied with what i have known about him right now. so… i find a way to use vpn (the first time in my life) and keep on searching….. i find a interview on his official site— im touched by his thoughts. and, it is reasonable— i want to have a better understanding for it. so i translate it. and then i translated some other things but they are unnecessary to mention.

the first day of March. i listen to Crime Of Passion. just listening… when it goes to the song “ who screamed?” i was so curious and so in love, i cant help myself to have this urge, to understand, more than how i could sense it now. i wanted to feel it. like, a true understanding, more deeply. so the only way to get to the target was clear: i started to translate it.

and at the same time i have this feeling. nobody had ever done that in chinese, so, this would be me and, only me. this message brings me a simple satisfaction…

at first it was just a try, but when i typed them and at the same time listening to his voice, sentence by sentence. this is so unspeakable. unique, alone, and passionate. his solitude….. you could feel how he thinks, and you imagine, you are watching this person. how would you describe, when you are chewing these words, these pages and emotions, it was almost like— you were well prepared to go insane to feel the same way as he do, and you are trying so hard to not hurt yourself by these words, because you feel it deeply. because you feel how it tears the scene. this is, something, and you know that after this you could never review it again.

(if you listen to crime of passion/or the crime passionnel album. from its beginning to its very end, you will understand what im talking about— masterpiece) (it made me mad everytime when i think about there is some people who watched it irl) i might not be always talking about it, but indeed the experience of translating it changed me. it made me more aware of my abilities, and the emotions i feel. im still blushing when i typing these words, its really give the love at first sight vibe, but differently it lasts forever. the passion it brings to me……

[etherical-angel]

been in a depression(due to my brain having depression) lately.....not goooddddd😇

i think most of it comes from just succumbing to my beliefs of 'everything is hopeless, choose pleasure over effort' as a way of control yknow. its weird, since im aware that the 'effort'(doing chores and selfcare) is what life is about, and that it will lead to betterness. but my brain sees it as like....participating in a game i dont agree with. and that i should play my own instead(laying in bed and daydreaming -> giving happy chemicals). ive done a bit of drawing, but most have just been with the motivation that im drawing to impress someone else. which is better than nothing ig. theres so much more i want to be doing, and i just think that i'd be more able to do it if my room was clean. probably. i havent unpacked yet and my floor is covered in clothes and i need to do laundry. and i think its been over a week since i bathed(my hair is RAPIDLY falling out and i cant tell if its more than normal or just due to not washing it...). idk, hard to keep track of the days.

i have a doctors appointment on thursday finally, and my head still hurts, but thankfully my anxiety over it has moved on(i no longer careeeee).

whatever back to the vent -> its the frustration that no matter how many times i try, i always return to This. it clouds being able to see a future that i want, and fuels my suicidal beliefs. knowing that i can do anything if i just put in the Effort, knowing its logically all my fault, knowing that im alone in this. i dont have someone i can just ask to help clean my room, someone to ask to help me do creative things, someone to ask to just help me cuz i. dont know how to ask. or what to ask for. ig this is why ive just craved a lover so bad, since i think theyd wordlessly know what to do. i wouldnt have to ask and i wouldnt have to know, theyd just do it. and i'd feel ok. i also know this is literally what caretaker alters are for, and one will come out eventually, but i cant just force it. especially when we're currently so convinced of hopelessness n despair. like literally the whole point of DID is so that someone else can do this shit, and we cant even do that properly....i feel like im so close to just snapping out of it tho. like im just missing some small realization and itll click into place. like its already there in my brain but theres a blockage keeping it from surfacing. ive been better before, i just keep forgetting what made me think that way. and how it was that i was viewing things. maybe if i listen to the right music and just try to focus on remembering, try really hard to let the urges go, think about how good life could be(despite the world n my body not being ideal) if i just saw things in a positive light, and try to view being positive as not a way of losing control..maybe i could force a switch. if i could get a balence of being aware of how horrible everything is, but also knowing that being positive and doing Effort is also fighting the system just as much.

anyway heres some pics i took a couple days ago👇👇👇👇👇

[calebwittebane]

thinking back on several weeks ago. cant get over him having my sibling deliver a message to me that hes "ready to really apologize to me" but that i "need to tell him what exactly i want him to apologize for"...... statements that contradict each other thoroughly AND put the responsibility on me AND imply that its anything but obvious to him what hes done to me that i might perhaps be holding against him and/or would be deserving an apology for 😂👍 i understand hes not the most emotionally intelligent person in the world, i get it, neither am i, he hasnt exactly had a lot of good examples to follow in life, but like. if that was supposed to be in good faith and not just an instance of him taunting me (and no, yeah, i do think its mostly the former), then why bother.

like just leave me alone man. you know what youve done, and i wont say that youll never change, but my fundamental lack of humanity in your eyes will never change. the entitlement will never change. youve fucked up your eldest daughter for life and all things considered you got off consequence-free. said daughter not talking to you anymore isnt even a consequence, i was just putting a stop to that shit once and for all and giving you a Go On About Your Life option. im the only person to have ever truly cut you off. even my mother still talks to you when necessary, and very much on cordial and friendly terms. my mother, whom i once had that conversation with in her car where she hit the brakes abruptly and erupted into rage and grief, swearing to god that she would kill you with her bare hands--that sentiment stuck around for a few days, only to dissipate and be forgotten about. its fine. youll be fine. hell, even with regards to your physical health, how careless and arrogant youve been with it, seems youre very tough to kill. you get over things easy.

and i get it, youre not happy. your life seems very empty. youre depressed. in some ways you envy me, because youve seen me figure things out about myself that you could never admit to yourself about experiencing. you wanna get into new things, give your life some purpose, meet some new people, but you just dont have the energy or social skills to do any of that. i get it. feels bad, yes. but all things considered youve got it so damn easy, im tired of pretending you dont. i think im fully actually ready to once and for all stop fretting over how unhappy you must be. its not even that i think its your fault that you are. its just that you have agency that you dont take and privilege that you dont appreciate. its embarrassing how many years i spent agonizing over your well-being, in absurdly misguided acts of selflessness and some kind of masochistic pragmatism--"its not about who gets assigned what amount of responsibility to hold, what amount of culpability; its about minimizing suffering, its about making life more bearable for people to live, and in the name of that outcome if im the one who can step in, im the one who will step in"... absolutely bonkers way to think in this context. crazy that i thought i could guide you into better habits and help you by keeping you company, when not only am i somebody you have never listened to and never would listen to and never would even imagine listening to, about anything, my company amounted to giving you continued access to a toy youd enacted your worst instincts and urges upon.

but even all of that aside, you really were just never doing that badly. sometimes i was so scared for you, for your safety, but i have to wonder how much of it was just a mirrored repeat of my being scared of you, for my safety. i mean, there had been a time in my life--most of it early, formative--that i had to take your threats and my fear very seriously. but now? now i see that its easier than ever to stop blaming myself for not caring. because (and i realize that im lucky to have it so simple here) you really are not in that much pain at all. you are in pain, yes, you have your own trauma, your own mental health struggles, your own physical health issues. you own bleakness and lack of fulfillment. and i say that given your circumstances, they are all extremely manageable. and youll be fine. and you are fine. and i am not. and i dont know when i will be fine, and what its like to be fine.

there has never been, in my entire life, a single instance of you expressing genuine care for me. nothing, not when i was sick or injured (there was annoyance, often just anger and blame directed at me), not when i was beyond miserable, not when i failed and struggled at things, never. Never. to the point that it took me ages to even realize thered been anything missing there, because how would i have known?

i think now about how one particular blatanly phony show of "caring" on your part was ultimately the last straw for me, what caused me to finally go zero contact--when you spread wild theories about me to our family behind my back, which culminated in a deeply, profoundly humiliating "intervention" you took part in. because i needed to be put in my place, reminded i was a walking failure, a maliciously irresponsible sicko, not right in the head, not deserving of autonomy. and good grief, that harrowing ordeal was the best i had ever gotten, that was part of your Treating Me Better! that was the most faithful illusion of care i had ever received from you, and it was so flimsy, such a low bar to set for past instances to fail to clear, there was nowhere else to go from there. that was it. you may change, but this will never change. its the same kind of sentiment as giving a peaceful offer of a True Genuine Heartfelt Apology while asking what youre supposed to be sorry for. its the same disregard and entitlement. a sorry excuse for good faith. scraps that are humiliating to try and pick up. theres no reason for me to bother.

so leave me alone. get over it. get over me. youre not getting me back. today, next year, decades from now, itd be wasted on you. youre not getting a symbolic reassurance or something to feed your twisted nostalgia. youre not getting a clarification on anything. youre not getting closure or whatever the hell. get over it. worry about yourself. your liver and kidneys arent gonna keep up with you forever.

*gets triggered* ummm wat the FACK ever -_-

[auburnfires]

i wanted to get better so bad, i really really did, but god i just don’t think i can