#I want to be able to focus on my health for a little while my mental health is so so bad and my stupid brain has realized that I only get

[apollo-zero-one]

Too old to be a kid too young to be an adult just the right age to cry myself to sleep

[hermetiqa]

What study habits will help you this school year?

Reminder: it doesn't matter if you saw this reading a day or a week or a month or a year after posting this. My readings are timeless. You'll see this when you're meant to see this and receive your message.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS | TIP JAR | FEEDBACK | MASTERLIST

PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN

NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my asks about the reading! I would highly appreciate it and it'll be a huge help for me to improve as a reader.

Pile 1

The study habits that will help you this year are the ones that will keep you engaged in your lessons and courses/subjects. Something that keeps your mind active and keeps you interested in learning. Be curious about what you're learning. Take studying as something positive and don't take it as a responsibility. Have the mindset that you're privileged enough to study and learn these stuff. Be in a state of wanting to learn, not needing to learn. Also, leave your "failures" behind, such as low grades or not being able to get a perfect score on your exam. Instead, focus on what you lacked that caused that result.

Study techniques:

Make flash cards

Use white boards (the bigger, the better)

Act like a teacher, pretend that you're teaching

Similar to the previous one, you can also pretend that you're reporting the lesson in class

Make mind maps with only your knowledge and check what you missed after

Pile 2

I'm getting a lot of energy here from you, Pile 2. First of all, STOP CRAMMING. You might have survived the last school year by cramming but it won't help you anymore, especially this time. You need to study in advance especially when you know you have exams coming up. Stop studying the night before the day of the exam. Also, leave the past behind. Let go of your "friends" who distract you from studying and just want to go out to parties. Change your routine. Your previous routine could be a success for you but it drains you. Find some balance between studying and leisure.

Study techniques:

Study with your friends together

Put notes on your walls so you can look at them anytime and you'll learn them naturally

If you exercise and you happen to have a treadmill, put notes on the wall in front of you so you can read as you exercise (walking or jogging)

Similarly, you can record yourself reading your notes and listen to your record while jogging outside or exercising

Read your notes outloud

Pile 3

So here's the studious pile. I'm seeing that you tend to study hard, not study smart. And that's your mistake. You should study smart, not study hard. Stop memorizing and start understanding your lessons more. Stop rewriting your notes over and over until you reach your desired perfection of your notes, the "aesthetic" that you want. Instead, do your best to write well when you're taking notes in class. That way, you won't have to rewrite them at home. When reading your notes, it's best for you to use different colors of highlighters. Also when someone offers you some help in a lesson that you struggle with, accept it, even if you only struggle a little. Lastly, enjoy learning! Don't stress yourself too much about it and overthink you'll fail.

Study techniques:

Don't stay up all night to study and wake up early in the morning to review, especially to recall what you've already studied

Never ever cram and always finish the easiest tasks first

Drink coffee when studying (only if you don't have health issues or you weren't advised that you should avoid coffee)

Keep on rereading your notes and rewrite what you remember, then keep track of what you tend to forget

Make tests for yourself or look for tests online

[enwoso]

grumpy universe where alessia gets sick and the girls step in to babysit and get her better

I’M OKAY — alessia russo x child!reader

grumpy masterlist

it was tough being ill while having a child as long go the days where you could lie in bed all day with a bottle of ice cold water at your side as you slept the day away.

as instead alessia had not only herself to nurse back to full health but also had to still be a mother. almost like a superhero, be two things at once.

alessia had been feeling awful the past few days days,

she's gotten ill. her throat has never felt rougher and her head felt as though she was bashing it against a wall and her nose was blocked to the point she was having a hard time breathing through it.

and while she wished she could tucked up in bed. she couldn't.

not when she had a four year old running with buckets of energy all day which was definitely not helping alessia's pounding headache she’s had the past couple of days.

but alessia couldn't in no way fault you, your bundle of energy was actually slightly helping put a smile on the blondes face even though she felt rubbish.

"you ready lovie" alessia smiled as the two of you walked towards the training ground. your mummy trying to sound as enthusiastic as she could trying her best to put her illness to the back of her mind.

"yes! katie said she would play my game with me" you giggled as you kept ahold of your mummy's hand, you were talking about a children's card game which luca had gotten you and while the team was finishing up lunch you had spent the time explaining the game to katie who sounded genuinely very intrigued at the game you'd explained.

"oh that sound fun! don't let her beat you" your mummy grinned as your eyebrows furrowed as you firmly shook your head.

"never, nobody beat me at it" you stated proudly, as alessia hummed opening the door for you to walk in first. and to be fair to you, when you'd played the game with your uncles and your mummy you hadn't lost, but maybe that was because they didn't want to see your crushed little face if you lost.

walking into the canteen where most girls were having breakfast, you made a beeline straight for katie who was sat down with caitlin, teyah and beth. "katie, i got my game!" you called out.

alessia just let you make your run towards katie as truthfully she didn't have the energy in her to call you back over even though it was barely past nine am.

alessia slotted herself down on the next closest table, not looking who was there instead just sitting down. emily, lotte and leah who were sat at the table all looked at each other with a knowing look.

alessia was sat with her head in her hands, the bright lights were making her head pound even more and her throat felt as dry as a desert.

"less are you okay?" lotte asked with a wince, the three girls could clearly see something was up.

"yep!" alessia mumbled popping out the p as she sniffled, before a series of coughs came from the blonde. the sound of alessia's voice and the coughs coming from her totally contradicting what she'd just said.

"you sound sick?" emily said trying the more direct way as her eyebrows raised, worried for her fellow teammate but also her close friend.

"i'll be fine, y/n is my main focus" alessia grumbled as the blondes head turned to your direction seeing you smiling and playing your game with katie contently, teyah and beth even having a turn.

"less- i know tiny is important but you need to make sure your looking after your own health" leah told the blonde as alessia just waved her off another sniffle coming as she had a sip of water.

"no alessia im being serious, your a mess. i think you need to go home and spend the day in bed otherwise your not gonna be able to play properly" leah spoke in her serious tone which told alessia that leah was most definitely being serious.

alessia glanced over to lotte and emily who both had the same telling look while a sympathetic smile that told the blonde exactly what she needed to do and that was take leah's advice.

"but what about y/n?" alessia quickly got out but leah quickly came up with a solution.

"she can stay at mine" leah shrugged, you had stayed at leah's before so alessia knew she could trust leah but alessia didn't like you staying out especially when it wasn't exactly necessary.

"but-"

"alessia no more buts. you need to go home, make a full recovery, tiny can stay with me for the night if she wants, beth and viv are coming over to mine later anyway so you don't need to worry about her living off chicken nuggets" leah reassured as a deep sigh of defeat came from alessia as she nodded.

"sorted then!"

"lovie" alessia called you over, motioning with her hands as you looked towards katie, teyah and beth giving them strict orders to not touch the game otherwise that would be cheating as you slipped down from the table and made your way towards your mummy with a sweet smile on your face.

"lovie, mummy's going home now. but you gonna stay here with your aunties okay" your mummy told you as you nodded slowly, but you were slightly confused.

"why you going home?" you asked, holding onto the edge of the table as you swung your leg back and forth.

"cause mummy's poorly, and i feel really really sick" alessia pouted as you nodded understandingly as your mummy began to speak again.

"how would you feel staying at auntie lele's house tonight?" mummy asked cautiously, not wanting you to feel as though you had to but by the change in your face and the look of excitement in your smile, alessia had her answer.

"yes! yes! yes!"

"but you have to be on your best behaviour for leah and do as she tells you, just like you do for me okay" your mummy told you as you nodded your head promising your mummy.

"your always on your best behaviour aren't you tiny!" leah ruffled your head as you turned to nod at the blonde who had a big grin on her face.

"right, well mummy loves you and i'll see you tomorrow yeah" your mummy smiled as you hugged her tight before alessia placed a gentle kiss on your forehead as you said goodbye to your mummy.

"less call if you need anything" lotte smiled as alessia nodded, wincing slightly as she stood her headache still not easing. you waving goodbye while blowing kisses as she left the training ground.

"lele can we have chocolate pizza for dinner tonight?" you asked with an innocent smile now that your mum wasn't in the room anymore.

you knowing all to well that your mummy wouldn't ever in a million years let you have that for dinner, so why not try your luck somewhere else and after all at least that would have less room for mistake considering leah wasn't the best in a kitchen setting.

"aye let's not push our luck tiny!" leah laughed before you sighed taking that as a no before remembering about your game with katie.

[bunny-jpeg]

Peperoni pizza and ghostly cheesecakes with Pepsi zero served by Daniel Ricciardo please and thank you bunny xoxo ❤️

bakery menu - halloween menu

the spooky menu is open until novemeber 2rd! so please feel free to submit an order! there are some new items just for the holidays! thank you so much and i hope your spooky season is extra fun! and don't eat too much candy!! <3

pepperoni pizza: "i wonder if that mascara will run when i'm finished with you." + ghostly cheesecake: "i got a broomstick you can ride on." + pepsi zero: rough sex served by daniel ricciardo (formula one)!!

tags: smut/pwp, halloween, rough sex, dirty talk, pretzel dip position, very light choking

halloween was quiet in the ricciardo home. you and daniel getting comfortable on the couch to watch a scary movie. but it was hard to focus on jason vs freddy when your boyfriend had his hands up your shirt. his large hands on your breasts.

"i wanna see who win this fight of the century." you giggled as daniel placed kisses against your chest. you arched your back a little as exhaled deeply, "fuck."

he pressed more kisses on your skin and watched you squirm. you looked like a dream as you moved against him. he loved it when you moved against him, when the pleasure was just a little too much for you to handle. such a sensitive little thing. daniel adored you.

"i thought you wanted to watch hocus pocus after." you giggled as you felt his lips on your neck.

"ah well, i got a broomstick you can ride on instead."

the movie was abandoned in the living room as the two of you got into the bedroom. you got your hands under his t-shirt as he held your face while you kissed. his hands felt nice on your face as the kisses grew so deep.

"oh fuck." you sighed, "so much for the movie marathon." you felt his knee between your legs and rub your achy cunt through your black track pants. the thing fabric did very little to prevent the pleasure from coming up your spine.

"we can watch halloween movies all year, beautiful."

"and you can't fuck me all year?" you remarked.

he smiled at you, "that too, but, you know i can't get enough of you. the moment i have my hands on you. i can't stop." he groaned a little as he felt your warmth under him.

you blushed from his words, you felt the course of heat through your soul as you felt his closeness. his hands on you felt incredible as he continued to kiss you. your head started to feel warmth at the edges of your soul.

he pulled away and held you by your jaw, he stared down at you with passion in his gaze. daniel was an enthusiastic, passionate lover. he made sure you never went without pleasure. but his dirty talk left you in shambles. he said to you, "i wonder if that mascara will run when i'm finished with you."

the rest of your clothes were quickly stripped. he had you at your side with your hips turned to him. he slotted himself against you. his hard cock nudged against against your entrance as your thigh draped over him. while it was cowgirl or doggy, he allowed daniel to work your pussy exactly how you wanted. to give you that stretch you craved.

he sank into you and a moan left your lips. he pinned your head down to the covers by your neck and clutched onto your thigh. he could feel you so well, your cunt familiar with him. it made a rush bubble up in his throat.

he was straddled on your thigh with your other thigh around him. he was able to push you further onto the bed as he rocked against you from a different angle. while he loved when you rode him like the cowgirl you were, there was something more intimate about the position (thanks women's health!). he rocked against you. he cock heavy inside of you.

you looked cute when you watched scary movies, you two could go back to watching them later. but for now, he needed you. a deep carnal desire. and as the pleasure washed over you, he saw the wobble of your bottom lip. the feeling growing to become overwhelming as daniel's cock dragged and nudged against your most sensitive areas.

he loved fucking you, he loved to pin you down and fuck you with a hot want. he could see the raccoon eyes of your mascara take form as a few stray tears formed in your eyes. it only turned daniel on further. you looked amazing. he didn't want you sobbing, but to see you so vulnerable excited him. you always excited him.

"next time, i'll take you over the couch. bend you over and fuck you while we watch a slasher movie. hear the movie screams while i fuck you against the couch. we'll see what's louder, the violence or your sweet moans." he said with a wicked grin, "my money is on you. my loud little angel." he continued to thrust against you and it made your stomach twist in the best was possible.

"fuck, danny." you arched your back a little but he kept you further pinned onto the bed. the pleasure felt amazing in your core. you loved how it made you feel. daniel was the kind of force to be reckoned with. he knew how to make you whimper and whine.

he groaned, "that's my girl." he purred as he continued to move, "you drive me crazy all the time. everytime i think about you, i know i have to have you."

you held onto the soft grey covers under you as he moved against you faster. your breasts bounced as the two of you rutted against one another on the soft bed with both shared. you could faintly hear the movie in the background, but were too engrossed with the sight of your lustful boyfriend between your legs.

"pretty doesn't even begin to describe how you look right now. can't stop staring at you, babe." he chuckled as he worked his hips faster against you.

you moaned a little as a few tears slipped down your cheeks. that pretty mascara got all messed up, silly daniel. he continued to fuck you, the pleasure had polluted your brain as he fucked up against you. he always knew how to make you feel so good.

the two of you continued to move against one another. the pleasure began to hit its peak. you felt the tightness in your body as the pleasure raced up and down your spine. it felt amazing.

it didn't take much longer before you held onto the covers tightly and tensed up around your lover. you moaned a little louder as you felt the thump of hot lust in your body. your noises got a bit louder as you felt climax reach you.

"ah, danny!" you whined as you came.

"that's my girl." he groaned as he continued to fuck you. he loved how you felt against him. he thrusted harder into you and watched your body move alongside his movements. he groaned loudly as he felt the tightness of your cunt around his cock.

you tried to form words, but the nothing came out besides a soft moan. daniel held onto you for a moment longer as he slowed to a stop. he looked down at you before he leaned in and kissed you on the mouth. he let go of his loose grip on your throat and you moaned into the kiss.

when he pulled away he wiped your eyes and chuckled, "how about we get the mascara off of you. don't want it to get in your eyes." always the loving boyfriend even when he reduced to tears in the bedroom. he pulled out and got his briefs on before he left the bedroom to grab you make up wipes.

you were left on the bed and laid sprawled out on it. you panted heavily as you tried to compose yourself. he came back and slowly wiped away the make up from your eyes and peppered your cheeks with kisses. daniel couldn't help but get a little handsy as you were cuddled up to him.

"now." he said, "let's get the laptop open and watch the next movie in here. i can't promise we'll finish that one either." he said with a wink. <3

[controversially-young-girlfriend]

the first date (spencer reid x fem reader)

<3 oneshot with smut ahead <3

both you and the bau are getting ready for your first tinder date. while you hope he might be your new man, he’s also the unsub targeting young women that reid and the team are on the lookout for tonight.

*

you arrive at the restaurant in your hottest mini dress and a veil of nervousness. everyone hates first dates - agreeing to a few hours of awkward conversation with a stranger in the hope that they’re not a total creep.

unknowing to you, the two men sitting to your left are also dreading your first date.

thanks to garcia they’ve been tracking the tinder profile of who you believe is henry, a 27 year old brunette lawyer who loves his cat. before you two matched he was logan, 25, blonde and a writer, changing his photos and identity after every date.

the girls before you didn’t make it out alive, but now that they’ve learned that “henry” is taking you out tonight, they’ve arrived to save you and apprehend their unsub.

after a minute of waiting your date arrives. “hi nice to meet you, i’m henry”

you feel on edge noticing the difference between his appearance and his photos. but he looks normal enough that you don’t run away immediately. you apprehensively shake his hand and follow him to the bar, hoping to at least get a free drink out of getting catfished on a friday night.

he gives a half-assed excuse for the difference in his photos. age, lighting, haircut. you want to ask why but his delivery of the excuse is patrick bateman-esque, emotive but ultimately soulless. you pray in your head he’s just a business bro and not a sociopath.

as you wait for your drinks you see a handsome brunette walk up to the bar near you. you’re a little disappointed he doesn’t approach you, so you return your focus onto your date.

the bartender hands you two cocktails which you very eagerly take a sip from in order to ease the anxiety you’re feeling right now. after quickly checking the time on your phone and leaning in to take another sip, that handsome brunette knocks your drink onto the ground and pushes you behind him.

you’re in shock. before you can scream or run or do anything besides freeze in fear, a man at a table points his gun at your date. “i’m special agent aaron hotchner” pulling out his badge, “you’re under arrest for the murders of…”

he continues, but the word murder is enough to turn your body red hot and weak. you try and hold yourself together, starting to process that you were on a date with a murderer? you knew your taste in men was questionable sometimes but this was a new low…

you notice the brunette who pushed you away is also holding a gun, pointed at your date as he walks out of the restaurant in handcuffs. you’re a deer in the headlights until he fully leaves the building.

“i’m dr. spencer reid” he introduces himself, briefly flashing his fbi badge and then handing you a glass of water.

you still can’t form a sentence from the shock.

“i would suggest you have as much of the water as you can. while i don’t think you drank much of the benzodiazepines he slipped in your drink, you should try and flush out as much as you can so you don’t feel any intense nausea.”

“i uh i was drugged?” you ask, feeling like that’s a good starting point to figure out what the fuck just happened to you.

“attempted drugging. based on the volume you drank you won’t have any serious health effects.”

you’re slightly comforted but still shocked. “so what exactly just happened? my tinder date was a murderer?”

“he’s been using dating apps to find female victims, intoxicating them and then killing them once they’ve lost consciousness. we were able to access his profile which indicated he’d be on a date tonight at this restaurant.” he pauses for a second sensing your clear discomfort. “sorry. it can be traumatic for victims to remain at the scene of their crimes. would you like me to drive you to my office?”

“is it okay if you just drive me home instead? i’ve had quite the night.”

as you and reid walk to the car, the cold air brings you back to reality and your anxiety begins to subside. you give spencer your address and he tells you about his job as a profiler, going on tangents with statistics you’re shocked a person could have so easily memorized.

you’re grateful though, your mind is taken off your brush with death and is instead focused on the hot fbi agent saving you. you pull into the lot beside your apartment building and ask dr. reid inside, you want to thank him for his help and also can’t really fathom being alone right now.

you two talk over a pot of tea, feeling calm enough to ask about the events of tonight.

“from a profiler’s perspective, why did he choose me as a victim? am i just naive and vulnerable?”

“not at all. you can’t blame yourself, you just fit his preferred profile of victim. he’s been targeting women in their early 20s, all of which are highly educated and physically attractive.”

“so i got targeted for being too young, smart, and hot?” you say sarcastically, trying to humour your way out of the guilt you feel for almost getting yourself killed.

reid darts his eyes and nervously agrees, “uh yeah. pretty much.”

you’d be lying if you said him thinking you’re hot didn’t excite you a bit.

“i’m a little scared to sleep alone tonight then. don’t want anymore murders coming after me, y’know.” you tell him and immediately notice him smile and blush.

“i fear it would be quite unprofessional if i slept over while on your case.” you’re disappointed but can sense an intrigue in his voice that makes you want to keep pushing.

“it’s a good thing you caught the suspect then. sounds like the case is closed and you’re off duty right now.”

“i like that technicality. but-“

before he can continue speaking, you grab the remote and switch on your tv.

“great! i’ll put on a movie for us then.” you say with immense satisfaction.

as the movie progresses you two slowly shift closer and closer, his arm around you as you rest your head on his shoulder. he senses your discomfort and remembers he’s still wearing his bulletproof vest. he whispers “sorry” into your ear before shifting to unbutton his shirt and take the vest off.

your eyes immediately shift from the screen to him, transfixed on his fingers going from button to button, removing the vest to leave him in just an undershirt. he lies back on the couch, leaving him in the perfect position for you to lie on top of.

his hands slowly feel across your back and down to your waist. you lean in and begin to kiss him. he lightly grips your hair as the kiss deepens, feeling his tongue slip into your mouth. you can’t help but grind your hips against him underneath you, becoming desperate for this to escalate from a makeout into more.

you can tell he feels the same way as he gets hard under your hips, but leans away to check in for a second. “are you okay with this? you’ve had a tough night.”

you grab his face in your hand and lock eyes, “that’s exactly why i need you to take my mind off it, dr. reid.”

without hesitation he grabs you and flips you over onto your back, quickly returning to kissing you. he slips his knee between your legs as he starts to kiss down your neck to your collarbones. you help him remove your dress, taking his shirt off right after. he kisses down your body until reaching your panties, briefly admiring the pair you chose for your date tonight. he ghosts his fingers over them earning a soft moan out of you. he adjusts your legs to pull off your panties, positioning himself between them and kissing up and down your thighs.

your hand grips his hair as he finds your clit with his tongue. you can’t help but tell him how good he feels. as the feeling gets more intense he grips your thighs tighter to hold you in place. it’s not long until you’re finishing, breathing heavily as you watch spencer come up from between your legs to place a kiss on your lips.

“good distraction?”

“the best.” you reply

you get off the couch and onto your knees, looking up at reid to say “i don’t think i ever thanked you for saving me tonight”

he smiles as you take off his belt and unzip his pants, pulling them down with his boxers. he grabs your hair into a ponytail gently pulls it to tilt your head up. “you’re really beautiful” he tells you before you take him into your mouth. he guides your head up and down, mumbling praises and gripping you a bit tighter.

“fuck you’re so good”

he doesn’t last much longer before finishing in your mouth. you look up and admire how beautiful he looks undone and breathless.

he pulls you up onto his lap, both arms wrapped around your waist. you press your forehead into his neck and breathe slowly, taking in the first semblance of pure comfort you’ve felt all night.

you two eventually get up from the couch and migrate into your bed. exhausted, you guys lie intertwined.

“i think i need this sort of fbi protection every night. y’know just in case there’s anymore killers lurking” you whisper to spencer

spencer replies “gladly.” planting a kiss on your forehead and holding you until you fall asleep.

[chdarling]

As we’re getting closer to a truly awful day for America, I just wanted to check in on you. Things are bleak and about to get so so much worse, I want you to know I’m here and many others are here too when you’re ready

This is very kind of you, thank you. Honestly, I have not been doing great. Watching my neighbors elect a racist, fascist, Nazi-loving rapist triggered a pretty bad depressive episode on top of what was already the worst period of professional and creative burnout of my life, so….I’m struggling. Still trying to claw my way out of the dark. I’m deeply appreciative of the kindness of this community and am sorry that I haven’t (and probably won’t for a little longer) been able to engage the way I once did. I will again one day, and I am so thankful to know all you wonderful people online. <3

On a note that is completely unrelated to this gentle ask, I’ve been getting a ton of messages lately asking for a date when TLE3 is coming out and I don’t feel up to answering them (sorry) so I’m just going to tack this on here since I buried my last post on the subject under a mountain of despair reblogs: TLE3 is going to take a while.

I’m still planning to continue with my writing projects (be they TLE or other things), but right now I’m focusing on securing my own oxygen mask, etc. When I finished posting TLE2, I said that I would be taking a break and also that I would not be posting TLE3 until I had written all of it (like I had for TLE1). Even if I had been writing diligently every single day since I posted the last chapter, I still wouldn’t be done, so please understand that it’s going to take a while. It certainly will not be coming in the next 6 months, very possibly not in 2025. I know some people won’t be happy to hear that, but just a fun statistic: OOTP has 257,045 words and took three years to write/publish after GOF. TLE2 has (and this makes me cringe a little) 407,079 words and took roughly 3 years to write as an unpaid side hobby on top of full time work, education, etc. I don’t say this to toot my own horn (frankly, it just makes me desperately want to retroactively edit the crap out of TLE2 lol), but rather to reiterate that writing a book-length work takes a lot of time, energy, and love. I don’t want it to take 3 years (and I don’t think it will, TLE3 will be a more reasonable length), but it’s certainly not going to be finished in a few months. That would be insanity and I am not that talented lmao.

I do know that the requests for updates come from a place of love and enthusiasm and excitement and I really, truly appreciate that. I also appreciate all of the kind words of the asks I haven’t been answering. Please know that I’ve read them, I love you, and I will be back eventually. I just have to focus on my health right now, and unfortunately these days being online is pretty bad for that, so I'm going to try to be logged off for a while.

And finally, on another completely unrelated but perhaps mildly tangential note: if anyone has any books recommendations or resources on processing climate grief, I, uh, could use them. 🫠

[knavesflames]

chat this contains sh DO NYAT read if uncomfy

putting this in ur ask box cos im desperate for it to be written on my knees screaming

genshin girlies tracting their s/os skin where they see scars while u cuddle naked maybe after a sesh or even just skin to skin cuddling and they speak softly telling you you did a good job and everything and even kissing them AUGH HEHEHRHEHEGRGEGRGRGRGRBDJFJSLANHAHA

Hi <3 sorry this took me so long to get to! I have had a whirlwind of health struggles both mental and physical but I am trying to Lock In again. I’m sorry you went through such tough times :( I understand, and I get the struggle, if you get what I’m implying. Stay safe and healthy fr<3

Word count: 867

Content: sh implied in the past but it’s not graphic, just briefly mentioned, talk of scars, fluff

tw utc

Arlecchino has a rule— as blunt as she may be, she isn’t as cruel as the world likes to make her out to be. Judgemental, though she is, she refuses to comment on something that a person cannot change. She deems it basic decency (it is), but even some of the most polite people she knows don’t hesitate before speaking, or, well, looking. Despite the discomfort she knows you experience when people’s eyes wander and dwell on the exact thing you don’t want them to look at, she herself has never done so. Curious, she has to admit she has been, as would most be if they had a girlfriend with such marks littering her skin. Purely out of concern and care does she wish to know the story of what led you to make such decisions. She does not ask. Arlecchino herself has scars from countless hours of training herself to execute ‘Mother’, ones she keeps hidden under the fabric of her pristine white suit. Ones only you have seen, during moments of intimacy when the night is dark and the air in the room is so suffocatingly warm. You know her story, so you don’t ask.

It seems to be a cycle. She sees them, says nothing, and holds back from doing what she’d really like to do for fear of being insensitive or revealing the softness she keeps hidden. The marks are hidden again, and neither of you say a word. In truth, they shouldn’t be the main focus of the conversation and she understands that, but a part of her yearns to know you, and to understand the parts of you that you’ve refused to reveal.

On the days she catches you staring just a little too longingly at That Drawer in the kitchen, or the days where you seem a little more miserable than usual when you glance at your skin, she’s sure to pull you away from the mirror or the kitchen under the guise of needing you to look over some of the plans for the orphanage, or needing to go shopping. She’s so good at doing so, you don’t even notice she’s done it until hours later.

One particular night, after multiple hours of pleasure and mumbled words of affection, she decides to be bold. Hesitantly, her blackened hand reaches to rest on your thigh. The act itself is nothing new, with you, Arlecchino is a very touchy person, always reminding both her and you that you’re hers. Her thumb however, strokes over one particular scar she’s eyed for a while. It’s a feather light touch, testing the waters, and she’s perfectly prepared to lift her hand away should you indicate as such. You do not. You lean into her touch, almost, like you’ve been waiting for her to get comfortable enough to touch them. You become lost in your own thoughts, and you become unaware of how much time passes before her voice cuts through them, as stern as always, but softer than usual.

“Is this recent?” She hums in slight disapproval as her thumb grazes over it, but she says nothing more, which, if you’re honest, you’re grateful for.

“I had a moment,” you mutter in reply, your head buried into her neck. Her perfume still adorns her skin, and you wonder how expensive said perfume must be if it’s been able to last such a long time, and through such strenuous activity. “I realised and I stopped.”

“Good.” A breath, and her voice lowers until it’s barely louder than a murmur. The sincerity is there though, and her lips move against your hair. “I am proud of you. You have done well.”

“I have not done well, it is—“

“You would not have stopped four years ago. Or two, for that matter. Any progress is better than no progress.” Arlecchino’s voice is gentle, yet unwavering. When you go to protest again, she can practically see the words form before your voice can carry them. “Of course I know how often you were doing it. I am no fool. I said nothing because begging someone to stop doing something when they do not wish to stop is a fruitless endeavour and harmful for both parties in the long run. I just wished you would speak to me if you needed.”

You decide to continue letting her trace every scar she finds on your body. She traces random shapes with the tip of her nail (lucky for you, she filed them a while ago. For.. other reasons). In a moment of affection, she traces little hearts over each one, never missing one, and never giving one more care than another. Both of you stay silent, but the words don’t need to be spoken, and any words that did, have already been said. Arlecchino sees no need in making you uncomfortable when she knows you’ll speak if you need.

Speak you do, eventually, and she remains silent as she listens, giving the occasional nod or ‘mm’ to reassure you that she’s listening. She files all of the information away into her mind, and vows to herself she won’t forget a single word. Arlecchino vows she will love you always.

[salemlinnet]

hey everyone!

a few news items right before we start up chapter 5. firstly i just wanna say thanks to everyone who follows my comics, it's been a pleasure as always. i've been keeping a longer buffer on patreon than usual, mostly for my mental health. publishing takes a lot of energy and i've really felt it necessary to just focus on production for a few weeks. at this point, patrons have seen most of chapter 5, there's only one more scene and about a page to be drawn. the quiet has been nice, i've caught up on a lot of house keeping, though i'm obviously very excited to present it! and on house keeping,

DOMESTICATED IS NOW LIVE AT IT'S NEW HOME!

to not go into the boring details (the old domain got trapped between to hosting sites in the middle of a buyout), it's not hosted at cod-domesticated.com (rip custom url you will be missed) it will instead be hosted at salemlinnet.com/domesticated (now you live at my house like you're my son why didn't i think of this sooner). if you find any errors in the pages i am so sorry i just formatted so many buttons TTuTT it would be super helpful to me if folks could report any specific buttons that don't work if it's convenient, it's been beta tested by the discord (thank you guys so much) but i'm just a dunce and i can't be trusted so there might be errors.

the simons are all wearing a little beret this chapter is my third point of business, i am losing it over the ghost beret. oh and the devil may care is up to chapter 18, will be chapter 19 within a few days. page 21 is out for patrons.

finally, to the people lurking for thistle and spade. i've wanted to say for some time, i'm really grateful that you've stuck around while i've been too sick to work on a bigger project. if you were here to see me start production for and then pull ghost #1, the story behind it is that i sort of suddenly learned i wouldn't always be as sick as i was, that i didn't have to rush anything, and that i could produce thistle and spade in chronological order with a bit of patience. that left me with no smaller project to draw and release in the mean time, except, see, i really like this game, call of duty. i was still on bed rest when i started domesticated, and with a ton of physical therapy i've been able to draw longer and longer hours. it's trained me up to be a better comic artist than i ever was before. it's grown into a sturdier project at the same pace. it's so unlike thistle and spade, whose chapters were written and edited over years and planned to every gesture and expression. i'm just winging it with domesticated, i'm usually rewriting massive swaths of dialogue as i sketch the scenes out, i just keep throwing out ideas until it's something i'm excited to draw and present as my imaginary "what happened outside of the games" day dream land. it's reminded me what i love so much about story telling and comics. it's made me excited to see thistle and spade go live again down the road. but first i have to rebuild its website too TTuTT

all right i'll see everyone pretty soon! thanks for hanging around as usual!

[virtualvault]

Full Body Workout

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

Summary: You challenge Miguel to a sparring match.

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+ ONLY, teasing, begging, oral (m/f receiving), unprotected p in v, wrestling/ grappling for control, too many positions to list lol, mirror sex, dirty talk, creampie

WC: 3.4k

A/N: This prompt won the poll that I put out AGES ago. Sorry it took so long, personal life and work life have been getting in the way and my mental health tanked so I didn’t have it in me to write anything. But, I’m back and feeling inspired again so I was able to finish this. Also, let me know your honest opinion on the positions I wrote reader and Miguel in because holy shit that was harder than I thought it was going to be. I wanted to really capture the feeling that they were wrestling around on the floor, but didn't want to make it too confusing. Please let me know if it made any sense lol. It was a challenge, but fun to write so I hope you enjoy and as always, feedback is encouraged and appreciated!!

Miguel is excited that you agreed to join him for his mid-morning workout. But excitement quickly turns to regret as you begin stretching on the mat in front of him. “This was a mistake," he mutters, and you look back and give him a questioning look.

 “How am I supposed to focus when you’re doing that?” He gestures to your ass on full display, sticking straight up in the air.

 You smile cheekily. "Well, if you don't want to watch me stretch, why don't you help me instead?" You teasingly wiggle your hips to entice him. It works, and he comes over to kneel on the floor behind you. Little do you know, he's planning to do a little teasing of his own as payback for distracting him. 

 He runs his hands up the backs of your thighs and gives your ass a light squeeze before maneuvering you onto your back. He raises one of your legs up and throws it over his shoulder, then leans over you. The tension in your hamstring causes a familiar burn and a thrill runs through you. When he switches legs, you feel his hardening bulge rub up against you and a soft moan slips from your lips. You try to move your hips against him, but before you can he places a quick kiss to your forehead and sits upright.

 "Alright, I think you've been thoroughly stretched out, now let's get to it." He shoots you a wink as he stands. You had been hoping he'd let his dick do all the thinking and forfeit his original plans for an entirely different, and way more desirable, form of workout. But he seems determined to stick to his normal routine, much to your disappointment.

 You get up, begrudgingly, to begin your own workout. It's leg day and you decide to start with some lunges. You intentionally face him, not wanting to miss the show. You love watching him workout. His sheer strength never fails to amaze you. Not only that, but he always does everything with such finesse and ease,, and you usually end up just bailing on your workout to watch him, your mouth watering and eyes glued to his body.

 It's not only his movements that are entrancing, but the sounds. My god, the sounds he makes. All the heavy breathing and grunting causes a wet heat to flare between your legs. If you close your eyes, you can picture him above you, fucking you with the same power and agility he's showcasing right now.

 He's in a pushup position, doing reps with a weight bigger than your head. Every time he pulls it up to his chest, he lets out a jagged exhale through his nose and you wish desperately you were feeling it on your neck while he pounds into you from behind.

 You find yourself completely mesmerized by the sounds he's making, the furrow in his brow, and the sweat glistening on his skin. It's a delicious sight and you realize you've completely stopped moving and are simply standing there, staring at him.

 He takes notice as he moves the weight to the other hand and catches a glimpse of you out of the corner of his eye. You quickly look away but judging by the smirk on his face you know he caught you. He's too distracting, so you decide to finish the rest of your workout on the elliptical, just waiting for him to be done and hoping he'll take you back to the apartment and relieve you of the ache he's created between your legs.

 As you set your pace on the machine, you curse yourself for not bringing headphones. You can only just barely see him out of the corner of your eye, but you hear him as he's laid out doing bench presses. The grunting is going straight to your core and you feel a warmth starting to form in your belly. Now alight with burning need, you step off and go to stand in front of him. If he's not willing to postpone his workout to fuck you silly like you want, then you think you've got the perfect compromise.

 You walk over and stand in front of him, hands on your hips. “Let’s spar."

 "What?” he asks, finishing the set and then sitting up.

 "You heard me. I wanna spar. C'mon. Or are you scared I'm going to kick your ass?" You goad, knowing full well he could squash you like a bug if he actually tried.

 He smiles at you, amused by your trash talk, but hesitates. "I don't know if that's such a good idea…" It seems like he wants doesn't want to risk the chance of hurting you, which you both know he wouldn't let happen, but he's really just trying to fight the urge to fuck you. He's been struggling since he saw you saunter out in your tight workout clothes this morning. If you were to spar, he knows being that close to you would make him lose what little control he's clinging to.

 "C’mon, I just want to give it a try. I promise, I'll go easy on you," you joke.

“Okay," he chuckles, "but nothing too crazy. Just some basic grappling stuff." He rises off the bench, and lets his eyes roam your body. He curses himself for it as he feels himself growing hard. His eyes stay glued to your ass as he follows you to the mat in the middle of the room.

 He verbally walks you through a few maneuvers and you pick one to try. He gets into position behind you and holds you up against him, and you're supposed to duck out of his grasp. You attempt the move, and fail, so he pulls you back into him to try it again. You get into position, gripping his arm, and wait for him to give you the go ahead. He leans down to speak softly into your ear. "Good, just like that. Now try it again, but just a little faster."

 His words send a tingle across your skin and your grip on him loosens. With your guard effectively down, he spins you around and sweeps your feet out from under you. You let out a squeak and feel brace yourself, but he grabs you before you hit the mat and lowers you to the ground. You notice he now has you completely trapped under him. He holds your arms to your sides and uses his leg to pin one of your own down. He leaves one leg free, and you plant it on the ground, attempting to push yourself out of his hold, but it's useless. You let out a frustrated sigh.

 "Ready to give up?" he taunts, eyes gleaming with mischief.

 "It's not fair. I'm at a disadvantage," you whine, still attempting to free yourself from his grasp.

 "And why is that?" he questions. There are a million reasons you're at a disadvantage going up against him, but your answer is not one he is expecting.

 "My pants," you state plainly.

 "Your…pants,” he echoes, amused, but waiting for clarification.

 "They’re too restrictive. I don't have full range of motion." You wriggle under him and his eyes fall to your shorts. He admires the way the taught fabric hugs your thighs.

 “Hmm. Well, we wouldn't want this to be an unfair fight, would we?” He leans back and grabs the top of your pants and frees you from their confines. He sits back on his haunches and tosses the clothing side. Then, with as much force as you can muster up, you use your feet to push against his hips, effectively knocking him off balance. He topples over and his back hits the mat with a light thud. He's quite impressed, but before he can sit up and praise you, you crawl over to him and straddle his hips.

 "Nice move," he comments, and looks down to see you resting on his bulge and he can feel the wet heat of your core through his shorts. "Thanks. I learned from the best, " you say with a wink and begin grinding on him, causing the fabric to drag along your folds. You quicken the motion as you feel him twitch beneath you.

 After a few moments, you turn the other way and attempt to rid him of his shorts, giving him a glimpse of your bare ass in the process. The second you finish taking them off, he's pulling you back to hover over his face. You steady yourself and go to scold him for taking back control, but before you can say anything he pulls you down onto his face. Your eyes squeeze shut, and you gasp as he begins exploring you thoroughly with his tongue. You shiver at the warmth of his mouth against you.

 When your eyes finally flutter open, you catch a glimpse of his tip dripping with anticipation, begging to be touched. You lean down, grip his thighs, and begin gliding your tongue over his length. He grunts and you feel the sound reverberate over your clit.

 You want to feel it again, so you take him into your mouth and start sucking his head. He bucks his hips, pushing himself to the back of your throat. He lets out a long groan this time and you pull him in deeper. You gag a little and he grips your thighs tight as your throat constricts around him. You feel his heavy breathing grazing your skin as he laps you up feverishly.

 With your own pleasure building rapidly, you pull your mouth off of him and begin stroking him while letting out a steady stream of moans. You can tell you're getting close. Miguel can too, so he sloppily sucks at your clit, then rolls it gently between his teeth. This proves to be too much for you, and you grip him at the base as your orgasm washes over you. As the pleasure rolls through your body, you clench around nothing and realize how empty you feel without him inside you. He nips at your thighs as you come down and you give him a few sloppy strokes before sitting up, desperate to feel him fill you up.

 You start to crawl down his body, but he quickly pulls you backwards. You land with your back to him, and he secures you in place with his arm across your chest. He spreads your legs, holding them open with his own, and uses his free hand to begin rubbing himself against you.

 "I wanted to ride you," you pout, and angle your hips so that his tip catches on your clit as he slides back and forth against you.

 "By all means, go ahead and try." You attempt to wiggle free but it's futile. "Guess we're doing it my way," He enters you slowly, gliding in with no resistance. You both let out a low moan.

 "You take me so well," he praises. You sigh as he bottoms. He places kisses all up your neck while giving you a few seconds to adjust. His free hand settles on your hip, and you expect him to start thrusting into you, but he surprises you when he flips the both of you over.

 He cages you in against the floor and grinds into you, slowly but deeply. He has you whimpering into the mat, needing him to go faster. But you know he loves to torture you like this, intentionally setting a pace that has you writhing and begging for more, while keeping your climax just out of reach.  You crane your neck to try and get a good look at him, but he has his face buried in your neck. You tug on his hair to get his attention.

 "Let me see you," you whine.  When he lifts his head, he's enthralled by the sight of you, lips bitten and eyes wide. He crashes his mouth into yours and glides his tongue over yours, hungrily, before pulling away and flipping you over. He grabs one wrist in each hand and anchors them to the floor above your head.

 Desire flares in you as his eyes meet yours, staring back at you with such fervent need. He brings his face closer, and your noses brush as he stares deep into your eyes. Then without warning he's back inside you and begins fucking you with much more momentum than before. You wrap your legs around his hips and the new angle has his length reaching so deep you swear you can feel it in your stomach.

 "Oh fuck, just like that," you say, breathily. Your ankles dig into his lower back, pulling him even deeper, causing his tip to find the exact spot that sends jolts of pleasure straight to your core. Your mouth falls open in a silent scream as he stretches you. His grip on your wrists loosens and his eyes fall shut as he gets caught up the feeling of your silky walls hugging him. As you contract around him again and again, he drops his head.

 You now have a good view of his exposed neck and can see the sweat glistening on his skin. Your mouth starts to water at the sight, and you place a few sloppy kisses up the slope of his neck before dragging your tongue along the skin to get a taste. You feel his hips falter and he relaxes his grip on you. You take this moment of weakness to muster up as much strength as you can and roll him over until you're straddling him.

 He grunts as his head comes to rest on the floor. He moves his hands to your hips to attempt to regain control, but you grab them and put them above his head, mirroring the position he had you in just moments ago. "Who knew a few kisses to the neck is all it takes to overpower you," you tease. You begin to grind on him nice and slow, your walls dragging along his length. He moans and his lips buck under you.

 "Come on. Please," he implores, voice dripping with want.

 "Lucky for you, it's leg day." You plant your feet on the floor and begin to ride him in earnest, and his breath quickens. As you bounce faster and faster, he squirms underneath you, so much so that his wrists come free from your grasp. You place your hands on his chest to hold him down that way instead.

 Your palms travel the broad expanse of his chest and find it increasingly harder to stay steady as the pressure inside you builds. He senses you're struggling a bit, so he grabs your hips to help guide you up and down on his cock.

 Soon your whole body is thrumming with pleasure and, no longer able to hold yourself up, you collapse on his chest. Not wanting you to lose your momentum, he quickly begins thrusting up into you. He wraps his arms around you to pull you down onto him. Within seconds he has you crying out as you tumble over the edge. You bury your face in his chest and plant light kisses across his soft skin as you ride out your high. He fucks you through it, but you're so wet he eventually slips right out of you.

 You're still buzzing from you last orgasm, but he is desperate to feel your warmth again. He rolls you over into your side, then spots the mirror that panels the wall. He sits up and pulls you into his arms with your back pressed to his chest. He holds you tight to him, arm across your chest like a seat belt and the other across your waist.

 He gets up onto his knees and his eyes meet yours in the mirror. Anticipation pulses through you as his arm momentarily leaves your waist to line himself up with your entrance. Raw with need, he slides in and returns his arm to your waist and begins pulling you down onto him in tandem with his thrusts. If it weren't for his tight grip on you, you would have toppled over.

 Your breathing comes out in short, sharp pants and you look up to see the two of you in the mirror. His body is completely engulfing yours.  Not only are his arms around you, but your thighs are enclosed by his and they're pressing yours together. It makes you feel even tighter and Miguel grunts into your neck, and he can feel himself creeping closer to his own release.

 He lifts his head to kiss up the side of your face, then meets your gaze. It'd be apparent to anyone who could see the two of you like this that he has the upper hand. You can barely move except to angle your hips to take every forceful thrust. But you both know you have just as much control over him and his pleasure as he does you. It's evident in the way he squeezes his eyes shut and his hips stutter every time you walls grip him tight, and the way he has to do everything in his power not to cum as he hears those heavenly noises pouring from your mouth.

 He has to keep himself from cumming, determined to pull one more from you before he finally gives in. Your eyes flutter shut, and you attempt to reach up to run your fingers through his hair, your other hand hanging onto his forearm. Your nails dig into his skin, and he lets out a soft growl at the delicious burn.

 He dips his head down to nip at your ear. "Touch yourself," he commands, and you go to look at him over your shoulder, but he grabs your chin to angle your face to meet his in the mirror.

 "C'mon. I want you to see how fucking good you look when you touch with yourself.  I know your clit must be throbbing, don't you think it deserves a little attention?" The grovel in his voice and his measured thrusts have your mind a little hazy, so you don't move right away. Before your hand can catch up with your brain, he grabs your wrist and shoves it between your thighs for you. He stills his hips and pulls your legs apart so he can get a good look at your spread folds in the mirror.

 "Mmm. It's so swollen, just begging to be played with. Go on, play with that pretty pussy."  He gently glides your hand over your exposed nub, then pulls away you start moving on your own. "Look at you, getting yourself off while I'm inside you. Dirty little thing.”

 You do your best to nod in response. "You make me feel so full," you moan out as you swipe back and forth over your clit.

 He involuntarily bucks his hips, pushing himself deeper into you. He curses under his breath, and you lay your head back and look up at him. “You gonna fuck me?” You question while simultaneously rolling your hips, and he sucks in a sharp breath.

 “Or am I going to have to finish the job myself?” You feign a pout, and he leans down, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth.

 Your words spur him on, and he starts moving again. He's giving you slow, hard thrusts and you squeak as each one hits deeper and deeper. He notices your hand speed up and he fucks you faster to match the pace. The feeling of him filling you up, the soft squelch each time he bottoms out and his ragged breathing grazing your skin is all you can focus on, and he sees your wrist go limp. He's quick to replace your hand with his own. His fingers swirl in fast, tight circles around your clit and you let out what sounds like a sob.

 The sensation is too much, and you go rigid in his arms, white hot pleasure shooting across your body. He sees your eyes roll back as you gush around him, and whispers sweet nothings into your ear. You don't even register what he's saying and eventually go limp in his arms. He can still feel you fluttering around him, and he lets out a deep, guttural moan and releases inside you.

 He gently sets you down onto the mat and collapses beside you, thoroughly drained. As you're attempting to catch your breath, he pulls you up into his side and you rest your head onto his chest.

 "If I knew working out could be this fun, I'd come with you every day," you jest, although you'd be more than willing to add this to your routine.

 “So, same time tomorrow then?” He asks with a smile.

[elitadream]

Hi guys~! ⛅👋

Long time no see! Much longer than I ever intended, in fact. Truth be told, I wanted to make a public post sooner, but I've had a lot to catch up on in terms of notifications and messages since logging back in a few days ago. I've also made some changes that I will address shortly, but first of all I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out with so much care and understanding during my absence. Adjusting has been a slow and fragile process for me -still is-, and I sadly haven't responded directly to everyone yet because of it, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless. 🥹 🙏

Long story short, I was gone for five months due to a huge burnout, then progressively found my spark again somewhere along the way and have since mostly recovered. It was my wonderful friend @drones-of-innocence who reached out to me outside of Tumblr, and her sense of initiative is largely the reason why I managed to make this post in a somewhat reasonable delay. 😅💖 With that said however, I must also mention that I've deleted a lot of stuff from my page and have removed most of my work from the public eye as well. This may seem quite drastic and frankly a little unsettling, but I assure you that it was a thoroughly considered and reasoned decision! The thing is that I was still getting lots of notes on these drawings everyday and… To put it simply, I didn't want that anymore. 🙇‍♀️ Experiencing popularity was very detrimental to me in the long run and I needed to put an end to it for the sake of my own wellbeing; at least for now.

Which brings me to my next point.

After mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I would not be returning as an active creator in the Mario community this time around. 👐 Making fanart for this franchise (with such a high and continuously maintained degree of involvement) had a lot to do with my health's decline and I've come to realize that I wanted to direct my focus elsewhere going forward. For that reason, there are things which I know will never be repeated again in the future, both in regards to my art and online presence in general, but that's alright. Things change, as they do and should. I'm looking forward to reuniting with folks and would be very happy to stay in touch with those of you who wish to message me privately. Like my lovely pal @istadris said, what matters most about any fandom are the friends you make in it. ☺️

And speaking of which-

@ody-and-fanatu That's so sweet of you, thank you! 💗 I'm glad you've enjoyed my contribution to the fandom. It was fun while it lasted! 💫 My visual ideas may be gone from my page, but most of my written posts and replies are still there for anyone who wants to revisit those at least, so there's that! And I'd also like to answer some of the asks I still have in my inbox at some point. Knowing that you hold my art in such high regard makes really happy! 🥰 Unfortunately, the other account that I have is reserved for my professional work and I prefer to keep them separate from one other, but the good thing is that I intend to go back to this blog occasionally. Hoping to see you around! Cheers! 🥂

@heiressofdoodles Thanks, I appreciate that! ✨ I'm honestly doing much better than I was earlier this Spring. Back then, I was running on empty and on the verge of crashing without even knowing it. Being in constant physical pain was one thing, but feeling mentally and emotionally drained on a daily basis was another entirely, and something had to be done. It took me a moment to really figure out what was wrong, but thankfully I realized very quickly what was causing it and applied the breaks with all my might. One of my main priorities now is to be more alert and respect my own boundaries to make sure that this never happens again. 🥲

@keakruiser Thank you. 🙏💐 I'm just glad to have found my footing again. Feels good to be able to create freely.^^ Hope you're doing well too!

Special thanks also to @pianokantzart, @jelly-fish-wishes, @katlyntheartist, @triniji and @wahooitsamee for their kind words. 🫂 Your graciousness and consideration means a lot to me. 💝

As for all the nice people who sent me anon comments and well wishes, I tried to summarize my thoughts as best I could in this update, but if there's anything else you'd like to say or know, don't hesitate to ask me anytime! Now that I feel like myself again, I think I'm gonna hang out on Tumblr for a little bit. I'll be excited to see what you guys have been up to in the meantime! 🤗 Wishing you all a very good day and pleasant Fall. 🍂

-elita 🌸

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

up until recently i ran a pretty popular radfem blog (stay with me, this ask is in good faith) but after i took a social media detox, i realized i don’t share those beliefs anymore and in fact i might be trans myself. i just kind of abandoned the blog, but i’d feel bad if i didn’t tell my followers what happened. i’m scared of telling anyone because i feel like i’d be a bad feminist if i transitioned. (i know, you can be trans and a feminist just fine, but that’s just the kind of thing radfems tell you.) even worse, i’m scared of posting about it on my main or radfem blog because radfems and trans people by and large hate each other (obv), and i’m scared to mention i’ve been in both groups because of the hate i’ll get

Lee says:

When I first started as a mod, I would have told you that you need to immediately post on all your blogs to disown the transphobic beliefs you had previously expressed to try to make up for the harm that you may have perpetrated as a radfem.

Now that I'm a little older, my feelings on the topic have shifted a bit. Before anything else, I think you need to slow down and make sure that you ensure your own safety and mental health.

If you believe that revealing this change to your followers could result in backlash online that would affect you emotionally, it's crucial to prepare by turning off anonymous asks and muting notifications from social media apps.

You should also make sure you have a non-online place to turn for support. If they used to be your community, you may feel like you've lost online friends, so make sure you don't become too isolated. Instead, lean on your IRL connections and seek support from trans-friendly people in your community.

You may even want to consider looking for a therapist-- questioning being trans can be difficult for anyone, and adding a layer of internalized transphobia doesn't help.

When you're ready to share your feelings on your blog, you should write a thoughtful post explaining your journey. You don't have to justify your identity; rather, focus on your personal growth, how your views have evolved, and how you came to understand yourself better. Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and that you're still learning.

These people were once your buddies and there's a chance you may be able to make some of them question their beliefs too if you don't lash out at them and trigger that instinctual defensive us-versus-them mindset, so I would try to keep a friendly tone even while noting that you no longer support them.

So thank your followers for their support and engagement over the years, but tell them you aren't comfortable staying part of their community now that you've realized that the beliefs underpinning the group are doing damage and you are trying to unlearn that type of thinking.

Gently challenge any misconceptions you once held or promoted. Clarify that being trans and feminist are not mutually exclusive and that everyone deserves respect and equality, regardless of their gender identity.

If you're comfortable, share resources that helped you on your journey. This could be educational materials, support groups, books you found helpful, or contact information for trans-supportive LGBTQ+ organizations. If there's anything you'd recommend to others who were once in the same place as you were on getting out, this is the time to share your advice.

Understand that reactions will likely be mixed. Some followers may feel confused, betrayed, or angry, while others might be supportive or even share their similar experiences. Remember, you're not responsible for their reactions and you don't need to respond to them if you don't want to argue and they aren't willing to have a respectful conversation.

Be clear about your boundaries. Let your followers know what kind of comments you're willing to engage with and that hate or harassment won't be tolerated. You can even stop engaging with the account altogether if you don't think you can deal with the hate that you may receive.

You don't have to post about this immediately. Again, it's okay to take as much time as you need to feel ready. It's okay to wait until you're in a safe and stable position before making any announcements.

If you do post about it and get hate, remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by letting go of that community, and that you're not only making the right choice for your own life in allowing yourself the freedom to explore your gender identity but you're also doing the right thing overall since you're now standing up for the trans community (late is better than never!) and no longer encouraging transphobic narratives.

If you feel that your current blog is no longer a space where you can express yourself authentically, consider starting a new blog or platform where you can write freely about your experiences and beliefs. Or just get offline altogether-- your digital detox is what started this, so maybe it's healthy for you to continue it for a while!

If you tell someone "I support trans folks" and they send you hate, that person is not your friend anyway. This is an opportunity to meet nice people who you can be yourself with. I would really encourage you to connect with IRL activists who are actually regularly volunteering and doing something concrete for their community if you have the opportunity.

When I was in high school, I volunteered at my local library's teen advisory board, and when I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital and through my college. This weekend I'm starting training for volunteering in-person for my town's emergency preparedness group which also does things like help to unload trucks for the food pantry, and I also volunteer remotely for two organizations online.

I'm really pushing for you to get out and volunteer (online or IRL) because I know one draw of the radfem community is feeling like you're an activist and that you're supporting women's rights and protecting and defending women. And it is important to support women's rights and protect and defend women! But there are other ways to do that beyond running a hateful blog attacking trans women.

I have a friend who works at an organization for survivors of domestic violence, for example, and she works with volunteers who help staff events, answer the hotline, etc. You can look around and see what local initiatives there are in your community and if you can't find the thing you're looking for you can start a group yourself or look online and join a national or state-wide cause that you care about, like pushing the legislature to support access to abortions.

Giving up the radfem community doesn't mean giving up feminism, and this is a good opportunity for you to take a look at your own time, your values, and think about how you can take this chance to start working to be a more effective feminist. Not everyone has to be an activist, but if you want to be one, think about how you can start doing good in a way that will actually affect people in a positive way.

I've also often been involved in doing events like conferences and workshops and panels IRL from my time in high school to the present day to try and educate folks on the community, but I also know that sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritize yourself. If you think you're not ready to jump into making change that's also okay. Just join something. A soccer team, a book club, anything hobby-related, to have something else to do and talk about and think about and stay tethered to feeling part of something.

Remember, it's okay to grow and change. You're not betraying anyone by being true to yourself. It's a courageous step to admit when your views have changed, and it's an integral part of personal growth. Be kind to yourself during this process.

Whether or not you end up identify as trans, you still will be doing the right thing by separating yourself from that community. I know it may be difficult because they were a place where you felt supported and part of a movement, but I really believe that you're taking steps in the right direction by letting go of that ideology and just living your life!

Followers, if you have any experiences unlearning toxic beliefs please reply with your advice for anon!

[chocalotekisses]

How I purposefully tr1gg3r myself.

Before I get into this, WARNING. This is for edblr/ shedblr. This is totally a roleplay. I’m writing a book or something. This is a space where everyone is safe, and I’m in a community where I’m on the road to recover. BLOCK, DON’T REPORT

Now, let’s get into what you came here for.

Obviously, scrolling twitter and tumblr. You get a bit desensitized to this type of content after a while so, I often switch it up. My all time favorite is watching TikToks of skinny WIEIAD.

Measure yourself and focus on your goals. Instead of thinking how far you are from that 20-inch-waist, think of how much closer you’d be if you started now. No time like the present.

Get a crush. Fictional or not. I always gaslight myself into thinking that whoever wouldn’t love me if I was unhealthy & overweight.

Manic episode. This may not work for all of you. But I don’t drink a lot of coffee and when I do, I get hyper. So down like three of those a day (after like a week of not having any caffeine) and be super productive. Convince yourself that working and getting things done gives you all the dopamine you need. (My screen time lowered to 6 hours last manic episode I had and I was omading + working out everyday.) Also making a big change in your life can spark a manic episode. Basically become euphoric. Manic episodes can last for months.

Look at triggering media. Books/movies/tv shows. I love watching British diet documentaries. There’s tons out there and I mayyy have a post revolving around this coming out soon!! *wink wink* I will link it when it’s out!

Think of how I’m just like my shit parents.

Think of that one bitch at school and how I have to be better than her. (For context, she’s a massive fake and has done some horrible things to me even tho she struggles w her mental health too. This isn’t blind hate towards this girl.)

Listen to certain songs that I associate w cvtting or starving. Here to stay by Korn is one of my favorites for s/h. Fiona apple & CSH is one of my faves for ⭐️⭐️ving.

Cvtting Punishment for being hungry or a reward for not eating. Either one. I don’t recommend starting s/h because of this, though. I’ve never been able to fully recover from it (duh)

Bodychecks. This kinda goes along with #2 but I just love looking at my arms and feeling over my hipbones and comparing it to my highest weight when I couldn’t feel any of my bones.

Pinterest. Obviously amazing for thinsp0000 and diet plans but I love watching those gym influencers workout. It makes me really motivated to look like them. Also looking at artwork of EDs triggers me.

Do it for your 13 year old self type shit. Your younger self wanted to feel confident and skinny right?? Heal your inner child nod become skinny. I HOPE THIS HELPED A LITTLE!! Remember that all of these won’t work for everyone. Find out what triggers you. And BE CAREFUL. Don’t die plese. Don’t push yourself too hard!! And DRINK WATERR!! Most people with restrictive Eds suffer dehydration (or die from it in extreme cases) because we get a lot of moisture from food. So sip from that bottle, beautiful person.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hii! Could you do a mizu w reader where one is injured (doesn't really matter which one haha) and it's like a hurt/ comfort?

Take your time and get some rest!!

Write this when I was on the verge of falling asleep, so if any of it sounds like it was coming out of my ass, it was. 🦦

‘Why did you do it?’ Mizu asked, choosing not to look at you but instead focus on your injuried chest with a hard glare.

‘Do what? Protect you from that smiley coward who was about to use unethical means to completely blindside you?’ You replied as though the answer wasn’t already glaringly obvious, you honestly didn’t understand why you had to explain your reasonings as for protecting Mizu and putting your life at risk, but if it meant showing them that someone did give a shit about whether they’d live or die; then you’d happily be that person for Mizu.

‘You had no need to protect me, I could’ve-‘

‘Easily defend yourself, I know Mizu.’ You interrupted them before grabbing ahold of their hand, memorising the feeling of callousness to memory, as you rubbed your thumb against the back of their hand reassuringly. ‘I know how strong and powerful and amazing you are. I’ve witnessed your fighting spirit first hand and it took my breath away. Literally because when we first met you knocked the wind out of my lungs with the butt of your sword, all because you thought I was some stranger about to attack you.’ You finished recounting the tale of how you first encountered Mizu with a small smile. Why? Maybe it was your way to direct their mind to a more happier and healthier memory, rather then have it stuck heavily focusing on the one where they had their back exposed to the enemy; the reason you now had a massive gash running across your chest. A gash that would surly become a permanent part of your body but also a painful reminder to Mizu.

A reminder that you could’ve been easily taken away from them.

A reminder that you’d always selflessly put them before yourself, even if that meant getting hurt, maimed, loosing a limb or worse yet; your life.

A reminder that they’ll have to get stronger if they wish to prevent you from doing so in the nearby future. Mizu knew that their revenge took presidency over everything else, even their own health, but they don’t want you to ruin yourself beyond recognition for them; It just didn’t feel right to Mizu to have you be the barrier between them and the ill intentions of other people. They were strong enough to deal with it but as it’s been made clear countless times before, you didn’t give two shits about that, and instead focused all your time and effort into showing them that they matter so much to you; Which is an admirable and respectable trait to have in Mizu’s eyes.

However that did little to quell the unease they felt upon witnessing your body drop at their feet in what felt like slow motion, just as the first sighting of blood that began to pool beneath you in such quick succession, that at one point Mizu genuinely thought they were too late to save you, this was proven especially more true when you didn’t awaken within the first couple of days after Mizu had stitched and then later covered your wound; all in due to the amount of blood you had already lost. So the feeling of being able to properly breathe again upon seeing you wake up made the uneasy feeling that little bit more bearable for Mizu.

‘While it’s appreciated to know that I can fully count on you to have my back in the heat of battle, it is not a necessity.’ Mizu states, bring the conversation back to where it was needed most, causing you to frown. ‘I should’ve known better than to think that he would honour me with a fair fight. I should’ve known that he’d play dirty the moment he realised the odds were stacked against him.’ Mizu adds, clenching their fists into the seams of their clothing, jaw clenched and their eyes become an unforgiving steel blue; all signs of their underlying rage toward themself and the cowardly man.

‘You didn’t know and that’s perfectly fine.’ You grunt as you slowly sat yourself up with Mizu’s hands supporting your endeavour whilst being mindful as to not reopen your wound. ‘It’s normal to not foresee things before they happen, otherwise it wouldn’t be considered an authentic human experience.’ You let out a little chuckle, all the while Mizu was left to sit there and narrow their brows at what you could’ve possibly thought was so humorous. ‘And to live an authentic human experience is to accept that you have limitations, especially during the moments where you wished you didn’t have any at all.’ You said as you looked into Mizu’s eyes hoping that your words were somewhat getting through to them.

‘We always question ourselves on how we didn’t see it coming, or how we didn’t see the signs but what we’re not taking into account is that we’re human. Not super powered beings of mythical origins nor gods but just plain old humans. We don’t get the luxuries that they do, however if there’s one thing we can pride ourselves in having, it’s how we take these moments to heart and learn from them going forwards.’ You smiled softly, seeing the sea of emotions within Mizu’s eyes. ‘Another thing we can pride ourselves on is our resilience and our willpower to continue paving the way forward. We get hurt but we always get back up because that’s the indomitable human spirit. That’s what we do.’

‘Where are you getting with this and what does it have to do with me allowing you in getting hurt?’ Mizu asked, curious and a little restless as to what this was all meant to mean. ‘The moral of this for you to not beat yourself up over being human for being human is all we’ll ever know how to be until our final breath.’ You explained, lifting their clenched hand within yours to press a kiss to the back of it, before placing it back onto their lap. ‘Instead of focusing on what has already come to pas, how about bringing your attention to the fact that I’m still here and I’m still breathing. Yeah?’ Mizu stayed quiet for a while, allowing for your words to sit with them as Mizu thought long and hard before finally reaching to a conclusion.

‘Only on the pretences that I get to teach you in the basics of defence.’ Mizu said. ‘As a precaution.’ They add.

‘As long as you don’t go hard on me.’ You chuckled, already visualising it.

Mizu gave you an almost missable smirk. ‘No promises.’

[saphronethaleph]

Sibling Comparisons

Leia rose from her bed, confused, as the door hissed open.

Something seemed off about the situation, she could feel it. But she didn’t want to tip her hand – and a moment’s thought turned up an answer.

“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” she asked, thinking about minimum-height requirements that had been instituted in the days of transition from the clone army and never been rescinded.

“What?” the ‘trooper replied. “Oh, the uniform.”

He took off his helmet. “My name’s Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you.”

Leia did a double-take.

“What is Kenobi thinking?” she asked. “He brought my brother here?”

Luke practically fell over.

“Brother!?” he asked. “But – you’re a princess-”

“Yes, yes, excellent cover identity, sheer audacity,” Leia replied. “Nobody would suspect the Senator for Alderaan, and if you’re going by Skywalker then the same idea must be in play for you. Where’s Kenobi? Is he going by Ben or Obi-Wan these days?”

“We were coming to Alderaan,” Luke said. “Ben’s off shutting down the tractor beam so we can leave – look, what do you mean, brother?”

“We can talk about that later,” Leia replied, striding past her brother to the door of the cell. “What’s your exfiltration plan?”

“My what?” Luke asked. “...we’ve got your R2 unit?”

“Hey, farmboy!” a voice called from up the detention block corridor, accompanied by the sound of blasters firing. “We’ve got company!”

Leia sighed. “Where’s R2-D2?” she asked. “He should be able to get us out of this.”

“About… what, ten floors above us?” Luke guessed, then a wookiee joined them along with someone else in stormtrooper armour.

“We’re not getting out that way,” the man said.

“I don’t suppose you brought a spare blaster for me?” Leia asked. “Is there another way out?”

“Let me check with Threepio,” Luke said, reaching for his comlink. “Seriously? You’re my sister?”

“Right now I’m mostly hoping I’m better at planning than you,” Leia shot back, as blaster bolts flashed down the corridor.

“...well, that worked, eventually,” Leia muttered, brushing herself off as they exited the trash compactor. “Which is a marked improvement on your way of getting us out of here, I have to point out.”

“I’m still waiting on an explanation,” Luke protested. “How can you be my sister?”

“What, you want me to draw a diagram?” Han asked.

Chewbacca roared something.

“Hey, he’s from Tatooine, it’s not an animal farm,” Han protested. “He might just not know.”

“That’s not what I mean!” Luke objected, flushing.

“We’re twins,” Leia replied. “Both of us were put into hiding because being known descendants of Anakin Skywalker is a serious health hazard, beyond just being Skywalkers which is separate… how much training did Ben give you?”

“A few hours,” Luke replied. “On the flight to Alderaan.”

“What was he doing with his time?” Leia asked. “My tutor is literally a state secret without any hands-”

She stopped, swallowing.

“Was, now,” she said, before shaking herself. “Anyway, I could only learn from him while on break on Alderaan and I still got a lot more training than that…”

Han made a curious noise.

“What are you talking about, exactly?” he said. “More of this force nonsense?”

“Where did you dig him up?” Leia asked her brother, with a sardonic eyebrow. “He looks old enough to remember the Clone Wars.”

Chewbacca sniggered.

“Laugh it up,” Han countered. “The Clone Wars weren’t that long ago.”

“That’s my point,” Leia replied, sharply. “The Clone Wars had the Jedi literally leading armies-”

She shook herself. “Okay, we need to focus. How exactly did you plan to get off this thing?”

“Once the tractor beam is down, we’ll be able to just fly right out of here,” Luke volunteered. “Han’s ship is more than it looks – which isn’t hard.”

“Hey!” Han protested.

“Well, if you’ve got Chewbacca with you, that’s a good sign at least,” Leia said, then held up her hand. “Wait – not this way, that way.”

“Based on what?” Han asked.

“That thing you don’t believe in,” Leia replied. “Master Windu couldn’t teach me to fight but he could teach me to avoid trouble…”

[radioactive-earthshine]

Do you have any Thad headcanons and Bart and Thad brother headcanons? Also ur writing is a masterpiece on ao3!

🥺Ty sm I really needed a pick up today. As for Bart and Thad being specifically brothers in a universe where Thad is 'redeemed' (it's basically the best case scenario) these are some of the things floating around I have.

1.) Thad inherited Barry's general phobia of roller coasters and heights so he will not absolutely will not sleep in the top bunk. This is just to make things absurd of course. Even when he was pretending to be Bart he would not sleep there, he slept on the beanbag chair. Yes, Bart takes advantage of this in petty revenge whenever possible, like throwing his favorite hoodie or pair of pants into a tree or the roof.

2.) To contrast Bart's inability to fall asleep before 2AM, Thad cannot keep his eyes open past 10PM. Bart calls him an old man because of this.

3.) They unfortunately get the same English class and between the two of them nearly get Ms. Dalrymple to finally quit but in catastrophically different ways.

4.) Thad gets along with most of Bart's friends, except for Mike Ringer. No one knows exactly who or when the first verbal punch was thrown - maybe Thad did first, maybe Thad was a little territorial over Helen, maybe Mike is just the same level of petty Thad is. Either way they cannot be left alone together or something is going to break out.

5.) Dox betrayed Bart by favoring Thad when he came back and was there long-term for like a month, then out of no where decided he was about as interesting as dryer lint.

6.) They actually do share a lot of the same taste food-wise and it makes things easy for everyone.

7.) The whole "Thad was a better Bart than Bart ever was" revelation tying into ableism did not leave Bart's conscious for a long time, nor did it leave Thad's, but in Thad's case it was that no one loved him for him, only because they thought he was Bart. It's a painful subject that both sort of try not to bring up.

8.) Naturally, things were a little rocky to start - Thad his own "probation" (he had to wear an inhibitor collar for a while and was under house arrest) and it was during this time that a lot of Thad's own mental health issues were addressed and the basis for his relationship to Bart was formed. That being said, Bart absolutely once hacked that collar and released him so they could get up to mischief (he just wanted to go to an ice cream shop in Brazil).

9.) Helen's status to Bart is nebulous and it definitely deviates from being nuclear (a mom, sister or aunt) but to Thad she 100% is his mom and he'll rip your lungs out if you say otherwise.

10.) Bart will steal Thad's clothes - Thad RARELY touches Bart's.

11.) Naturally they both know how to push each other's buttons and Thad has a lot more of them to push.

12.) Bart likes his side scroller video games (think Mario) the best because they are quick and instant with no load time - Thad meanwhile couldn't be more bored. He likes RPGs and decision-based RPGs that focus more on story than an enjoyable gameplay.

13.) Thad is a very good liar, Bart is a pitiful one - however Bart is always able to tell when he is lying and pisses Thad off.

14.) To complement Bart's mastery of the guitar Thad's preferred instrument is the piano. Of the two, Thad is more serious about music and actually studies it.

15.) Going back to family relationships - Max to Thad is in the same category as Helen to Bart, he is someone he is fond of but he's definitely not of any sort of nuclear relationship. Max to Bart however that is his dad and he'll rip your lungs out if you say otherwise.

16.) More family relationships - Thad feels a deep deep deep disconnect from the rest of the Flashfamily. Wally and Iris to him are strangers and he refers to Wally as "Bart's cousin" instead of "my cousin" and Iris gets a loose title of "grandma" because he doesn't know really what to do with her. In the past, when he called her "grandma" it was 100% derogatory in the same vein as calling her a hag. He can't call her that anymore.

17.) Thad is more easy to startle, fluster, gross out and generally he is more reactive than Bart is.

18.) There are very few people that can touch Thad without getting flinched away from. Helen can touch him whenever she wants and he's comfortable. Bart he has to see him touch him or he will freak out. Max needs permission unless it is an emergency and almost everyone else is a NO-NO DO NOT TOUCH.

19.) Thad doesn't want to call himself a hero, he insists he's just 'overflow' and does cape-stuff as favors or when something happens where he could be used. For overflow he sure does a lot though...

20.) School got too stressful for Thad eventually, and he just decided to drop out and get his GED. This infuriated Bart because he didn't know this was an option. For a while Bart considered doing the same thing but ultimately he decided to go through Senior year because he genuinely liked being with his friends during that time.

21.) Naturally, only Thad is allowed to say shitty things about Bart. Anyone else tries and they risk suddenly aspirating on pure citric acid or cayenne pepper.

22.) Bart and Thad didn't discover this until many years later - but when Thad came back his legal paperwork had him listed as Max's legal son through adoption, so technically Max adopted Thad first legally while Max was still just Bart's 'legal guardian'. Neither didn't know what to do with that.

23.) Yes, sometimes Wally just assumes Thad knows what that wily ol' Eobard might be up to and Thad has to tell him that he knows jack shit about him, and whatever his own "father" had programmed him to believe was not reliable.

24.) Thad definitely sees things with more nuance than Bart does and embraces a lot more shades of dark gray as viable and reasonable.

25.) One of Thad's reoccurring nightmares is having every other Speedster die and he is the only one left he therefore he HAS to take up the mantle of The Flash - this petrifies him because he doesn't want to be anyone else or wear anyone else's suit again. EVER. Wally once in an effort to be welcoming to him said that the Flash legacy was his too if he wanted it when he was older. Thad panicked and ran away :C

26.) No one knows how or why this unfolded, but Thad and Alan Scott get along as this younger queer/elder queer mentee/mentor relationship.

I have more but that's all for now!

[thequietkid-moonie]

Hi hi, i wanted to request dadzawa. Maybe he has a daughter that ends up with a weird or terminal illness please. 🌻

His child has a terminal illness

[ PLATONIC HEADCANONS ] [ Aizawa ]

[ My hero academia / Boku no hero academia ]

Where are you going so angsty? ~ Hehe sorry, I may or may not cried a little because of this but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoyed writing it! Thanks for your request <3

Also, anon please remember that i only write for gender neutral! I don't want to make anyone feel left behind!

Aizawa is an incredibly busy man, he is not only a pro hero but also a teacher and yet he tries his best to also be a good father, no matter how he ended up having a family on his own he is not planning to neglect you in any way

Aizawa has done everything he could in order to protect you, from keeping you away from the public eye and making a good support network to make sure you know how to act if you ever find yourself in danger, Aizawa hopes that you will grow safe and happy, is one of his biggest wishes thats why even if he hates the idea of you getting in danger he keeps his feets on earth and makes sure you know what to do if you need to protect yourself

Aizawa may not be direct when showing his care and love but he makes sure you never forget that he loves you incondicionally, thats why he is always looking after you even when he is so busy

Getting to know that you have a illness that would lead you to decease can happen by diferent ways depending if there is any symptoms or if those are dificult to notice, even when if he tries to don't let important things like your health slip from his care there still a posibility that is an illness that simply cant be cured and just can be treated no matter how fast you are to find out

From one side Aizawa looks almost unperturbed by the news, he seems to take it so calm and even talk about what it can be done for you now with the medics in a surprisingly calm way, he acts like the caring and a little strict father he have always being, but in the other side he is completely devastated, he is a hero and yet he can't do anything to be able to save his own child, he may even reproch himself not noticing the symptoms earlier or even not spendinging as much time as he should had with you, depending in how this illness had grew

No matter how much he feels like breaking from the inside his priority it is you, he makes sure you understand whats going on and what you two can do to make your life as easy and painless as posible until the end (also, it may depend on your age but he will try to be as honest as posible since there is nothing it can be done to stop it lying would be useless, even so he tries to be as gentle as posible while talking about it)

In this moment Aizawa would be too focus on being a pilar for you, he wants to protect you from his own feelings so you don't feel guilty, like a burden or anything like that, even if that means puting a brave face while spending his nights crying until he falls sleep. Still at some point he may just open up to you about his feelings if is necesary but he prefers to keep it to himself

As the days pass and you two start to make a new rutine including your new treatment and what you need is when Aizawa will finally be able to relax enough to stop ignoring his own feelings, when it would start to be more obvious how devastated he is to his friends, still he would try to deny and avoid talking about anything for a while until he can't handle it anymore and just understand how important is to share this with the others who are important part of your life too, to his closest friends

Aizawa start to spend more time with you because he doesn't want to not only leave you alone in this but also because he doesn't want to regret anything when it is too late, so he will try to take it easy in his job and pass more time taking care of you (specially if this illness is making you feel pain or even affecting motor skills)

Aizawa tries to avoid making you feel like some kind of weirdo or phenomenon because of what you are going throught, he doesn't make a big deal out of your sickness and just talk about it the necesary and like it is already part of your new normality, part of your new day by day; as well he makes sure anyone who visits doesn't make a big deal out of it neither (specially his own friends, you probably feels worst than how he can feel and he wants to protect you as much as he can)

No matter how much time he is able to have at your side before the illness finally take your life he doesn't really know if he would even be ready when the times come, but, then again, he keeps those thoughts to himself, no matter how old you are to him it won't be correct to let you see him break down (but will make sure you know how much he will miss you and how much he will always love you)