#i have ten dollars off of 75 though so i have to do a big shop despite my feelings about them

[skippingdown16]

i hate doing big shops. you mean i have to make a shopping list? and remember to buy everything on the list?

[fox-bright]

Watching the H5N1 stuff get worse and worse--I'm hoping we have until late next year before it goes reliably human-human, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was this winter--and not being able to do much makes me anxious, so I've been composing lists of stuff to do. I keep thinking, if this were August, 2019, and I knew covid was coming, what would I prepare? If this one goes off like the scientists think it might, it'll be much worse than covid.

Right now, I'm concentrating on food. My plan is to have enough hunker down supplies by mid-September that if things go bad in the normally-scheduled October-February flu season, we'll be okay simply not leaving the house at all. There are only two of us here now, and if things go bad there may be as many as four (as I have two separate friends I'd push hard to come stay here with us), so I need to make sure we have 4 meals x howevermany days I choose. I'm building up to six months, but I'm beginning the plan at three. While a lot of Serious Prepper lists have pretty generous caloric allowances, the MFH and I eat pretty light, and we're both smaller than the average adult human, which does give us even more squeak room here.

We started out with dry staples--bread flour, AP flour, semolina, rice, beans, pasta, lentils, powdered milk--though I have still to get powdered eggs (I'll dehydrate those myself), more dry beans (I'm going to use up a lot of what we have when I do my canning run for the winter, and so far I haven't been able to get my hands on kidney beans in any decent amounts), quinoa, and one more kind of pasta. Right now we have about 2/3 of what I'd want; we'll be holding things at this level, replacing staples as we use them, and if things look more serious we'll do another big shop and give ourselves additional stock of the AP flour, the bread flour, the rice (which we already buy in 40-50 lb bags anyway, we're Asian), the dry milk.

Then there's the perishable stuff; yesterday, the MFH and I took advantage of some very nice sales and got seventy pounds of meat for two hundred and twelve dollars. Beef brisket for stew, pork butt for sweet molasses chili, ground beef for hotter chili, pork loin for white bean soup. Still have to get chicken (which was pretty much sold out at our bulk place) for chicken soup (to be pressure canned), chicken and mushroom cream soup (to be vacuum-packed and frozen).

Very very soon it'll be time to harvest my leeks and my butternut squashes, for leek and potato soup (either finished with cream, blended to a smooth-ish consistency and frozen, or *not* blended down, and just socked away in pressure-canned Ball jars without the cream added; will it take me longer to thaw it, or to take my immersion blender to the hot individual meals later on?) and canned butternut for baking with or making soup or chili or making pasta sauce.

I might can a bunch of just potatoes, too, to keep 'em shelf stable (plus that front-loads a lot of the work of producing a meal later).

So I need to buy onions and carrots and potatoes and celery and garlic and mushrooms and corn, cream, red wine, tomato paste (because my vines got blight this year, sigh--I've managed to can one single run of tomato sauce and that's IT), ten dozen fresh eggs to dehydrate and powder and store in the fridge in case of egg shortages, several pounds of beans to be thrown into the chilis and...hm...fifteen pounds more, twenty pounds more, to have on hand? And then for non-canning purposes we'll need butter, oil, white vinegar (I've used a lot of it for pickles this year), various Asian food staples like black and rice vinegars, oyster sauce, black mushrooms and so on. As for pre-made, mass-produced foods, I'll probably make another post about them later.

While this is more than I'd generally stock in a single season, I do generally put about 100 quarts of home-canned food by a year, and I never keep less than 75-100lb of flour on hand anyway because of how frequently I make bread. So though it sounds like a lot up front, it's not hoarder level; everything I stock will be eaten, some of it pretty much immediately (the beef stew is so good). And putting it all by now means that we'll be less of a burden on our community safety net, if push comes to shove. When the covid pandemic hit I had dozens of jars of food on the shelf already, which gave me a little peace when things were looking scary. We were able to share some of our stores with people who hadn't had the great privilege of long afternoons spent seeing to the personal stores. That's a better option, to my mind, than needing to panic-shop right as things start getting a little wild.

Basically, if things go bad, we'll have food for a while. And if things don't go bad, we'll have food for a while. It's win-win. And it keeps the floor under my feet when I'm feeling unsteady, to be able to sneak down into the cool, still basement and look at row on row of gently gleaming jars of food security.

[spring2024golf-trevorhislop]

Scottie Scheffler, Feature Article

Trevor Hislop

Professor Spurrier

Writing for the Media

04/28/2024

Scottie Scheffler’s recent run in the PGA tour has been one for the ages to say the least.  Scottie has won back-to-back Masters, and is on pace to keep up and surpass some of the game's greats such as Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer. Through his first ten starts this year, he has won four tournaments. This is unheard of considering that two of them were well known big tournaments. Pro golfers have a great year typically if they win one tournament, if they win two, that puts them in an elite category, but four? Practically unheard of in this day and age. Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh both have nine in one season and that was at a time where the competition wasn’t nearly what it is now. Scottie is through four and we aren’t even halfway through the season. This includes the Master’s and The Players Championship which are very prestigious tournaments. Scottie stands out because he has finished in the top ten in the last nine starts. This consistency is unbelievable, his average finish is 4th and this is right behind Tiger Woods when he had his great year in the year 2000. Scotties dominance has resulted in a pretty hefty sum of money that has come his way in the last few years, just under 62 million dollars is that number.

Scottie’s dominance is rare but why is he doing so well? The key to going low has been his distance, accuracy and consistency. Scottie has a relatively wonky swing, but it works well for him. His 75% green in regulation percentage is the best on the PGA tour right now. His fairway percentage is also 75%. Though he is only the 92nd best putter on tour. He is ranked number one due to these two stats. I did some research and one of the best articles I have ever read was with the blog “SportsPsychologyGolf”. They emphasized trusting your shot. “I knew exactly where I wanted to put the ball and if I was to miss it, which side of the golf course I could be on to where I could still get it up-and-down… I think I just stayed patient and trusted myself” says Scottie.

This resonates well with me as a golfer. From my personal experience I know it is very unlike other sports. I played most sports growing up, including football, tennis, golf, basketball, soccer, baseball and more. Though I can’t speak for every sport, golf is the most I have ever had to trust myself. You have to think positively, you can’t just take your anger out on the other team such as a sport like football, because each sport has its own slumps. Golf is the only sport that you don’t have a teammate to rely on, but there is also no “perfect” in golf. You can win every point in tennis, you can make all of your shots and win a basketball game, but you will never make a hole in one on every hole or birdie every hole. It hasn’t ever been done, golf is a sport that your emotions are a roller coaster and Scottie is very good at not showing his emotions at all, win or lose, bad hole or good hole. He maintains the same emotion, the only time I have caught him smiling is if he had just won the Masters. He is a fierce competitor and someone you can’t count out considering that most of his wins have come from behind or even him holding off other top players and not getting nervous. Scottie exemplifies traits that will only propel him in the right direction going forward and have been the reason why Scottie is so dominant on the PGA Tour today. 

[officialthiamlibrary]

Hi guys, welcome to our new weekly segment: Feature Friday. Once a week, we’ll be hyping up one of your favourite authors and recommending five of their fics, some old and some new, so that you can re-read all of your old favourite stories, or maybe even discover a new favourite! If you have someone you’d love to see in this segment, send us an ask here on Tumblr, or message one of our helpful mods on discord.

This week’s author cherrysprite (known on tumblr as @grenadinepeach) burst onto the Thiam scene in March 2019 and to be honest, we’re obsessed! She’s written 75 Teen Wolf stories, with 70 of those being Thiam. And is known for her humorous and heart-wrenching explorations of what it means to be a young supernatural in Beacon Hills. We adore the way she characterises both of our boys and their feelings not only for each other, but also towards the members of the puppy pack.

Find below five of officialthiamlibrary’s favourite thiam fics that cherrysprite has written:

The Journal of Theo Raeken [ Teen / 14K / Complete ]

He takes the book in his hands and throws it at Liam’s chest so hard that if he were a human, it would bruise. 'Read it then!' He shouts as Liam looks at the journal that’s fallen into his lap. 'I think my thoughts about you were pretty fucking clear on every page your name is on, but read it. June 13th, since you somehow don’t know.'"

Theo goes to therapy, and his therapist suggests that he keeps a journal for six months. All is going well, even if it's a little annoying to write down his every day life - until he makes the mistake of leaving it somewhere for Liam to find.

Set after the end of Season 6, this story follows Theo, who is still homeless and doesn’t feel like he belongs in the pack. When Nolan finds his journal and reads it to the rest of the puppy pack, it sets off a chain of events as Liam tries to help Theo. I smiled, I laughed, I cried. This is so emotional, especially the ending, but cherry perfectly captures the characterisation of each member of the pack and seamlessly pulls her audience into her world.

***

The Deal We Made [ Teen / 13K / Complete ]

Theo and Liam made a deal when they were in the fifth grade when they were on the swingset in recess: "If we're both not married by the time we're thirty, we'll marry each other." After they drifted apart, Theo had forgotten all about their pact, but when he meets up with Liam at their high school's ten-year reunion, he's in for a big surprise.

Are you a fan of people reconnecting after growing apart? A fan of falling in love? Are you a fan of having your soul feel like it’s flooded with love and sorrow and beauty all at once? Of course you are. This fic does a phenomenal job of bringing back warm memories of childhood friends, demonstrating growth and maturity, and showing you that just because you think your time has passed doesn’t make it so.

***

Written Out [ Teen / 4.5K / Complete ]

Deep down, Liam got a feeling that it was a bad idea to write down what he was thinking, but does Liam follow that feeling? Of course not.

We all remember sitting in school, more than a little bored, doodling in the margins. Whether it was lyrics, our thoughts, little drawings or just random scribbles, it’s a familiar experience. In Liam’s case in this story, he likes to write down his thoughts and feelings about one certain boy. This story is cute and heartwarming as we watch two boys who see themselves as completely out of the other’s league try and dance around each other though exchanged notes. This fic will feel like a nice warm hug from a loved one!

***

Still Into You [ Mature / 3.9K / Complete ]

As well as Theo knows Liam, he somehow hadn't figured out that their band's hit song was about him until he was basically punched in the face with it.

Do you love fics where Theo is an idiot and feelings hit him in the face full force? If so, this is perfect for you! Our favourite puppy pack members are part of a rock band and Theo gets hit with a stunning realization about one of the songs and what it means for his relationship with Liam. It’s adorable to see his bandmates give long-suffering sighs while he figures it out.

***

Teachers' Salary [ Mature / 59K / Complete ]

Liam loves his job as a history teacher. Shaping young minds and sharing his passions with students is one of the best parts of his chaotic, unorganized life, but there's always a student in every class who doesn't feel the same. This semester, that student happens to be Jack Raeken, who's always kicking over the trash bin and refusing to do his work. Liam's seen it before.

What Liam hasn't seen before is someone like Theo, a divorced, arrogant, multi-million dollar company owner - and Jack's father.

Liam's pay is too low for this.

I don’t know how else to describe this fic other than spicy. At first, Liam and Theo are in conflict over what’s best for Theo’s son Jack, and then slowly they find a way to mutual respect (and maybe something more!) If AU’s are your thing, then this fic will check all of your boxes. You’ll find yourself relating to all of the characters in the story in one way or another, and you’ll enjoy all of the funny moments along the way.

[dansantat]

44 (The Annual Birthday Rant)

THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT I EVER RECEIVED FROM A STRANGER

What I’m about to tell you all happened about twelve days ago.

I was walking outside of my local grocery store when an African American man approached me. He slowly approached with a wide grin on his face and was dressed in an old brown secondhand suit that was a few sizes too big. Although his physique indicated he was maybe ten to fifteen years older than me he looked much older and worn. He had a story to tell

“Now, I’m not gonna hurt cha,” the man said.

I stood and smiled hesitantly.

“How can I help you?” I asked.

“You probably don’t remember me, but we met before… a few years back.”

I searched through my mind, but found nothing. “Oh really? Where did we meet? A book store event? A school?”

The man stopped his approach. He stood safely about ten feet away.

“We met here.”

My mind still drew a blank.

“Anyway, sir, I don’t want to take up too much of your time…. But I wanted to give you this…”

He reached into the pocket of his oversized suit and slowly pulled out a healthy wad of nicely folded cash.

And then in that instant. I remembered.

It happened two years ago in 2017. I bought groceries and was carrying the bags to my car. A homeless African American man wearing tattered clothes hobbled with a limb over in my direction. He was in rough shape. He clearly hadn’t showered in weeks and his body appeared gaunt, and malnourished.

“Hey, man, I was wonderin’ if you could spare some change?” he asked.

I placed my groceries into the trunk of my car and pulled out my wallet. I had just gone to the ATM because I was going to go out to breakfast with some friends after dropping off the groceries at home.

I pulled out a $20 and gave it to the man. His eyes popped open wide and a huge grin crossed his face. I would typically only give a few dollars in a situation like this, but today was special.

“Aw, thank you, sir, I really appreciate it! God bless!”

Just as he was about to walk away I stopped him.

“Wait,” I hollered, “Hold up.”

The man turned and looked back at me. I paused for a moment thinking about what I was about to do.

“*sigh* Today’s your lucky day.” I said

I opened my wallet and gave him all the cash that was inside.

“Here. Take it all.”

The man was flabbergasted. “Wh-….. What?”

“You look like you need it way more than I do. There’s about $400 here… Just take it.”

“Wh…wh…why are you doing this?” he stammered

I paused for a moment. Was I really doing the right thing? You hear people tell you not to give money to homeless people because they’ll just go use that money to buy drugs or alcohol, but I proceeded with my decision, “It’s my birthday today, and every year I always make it a point to do something special for someone to make their day better, and today you’re the lucky person, I guess.”

The first time I ever decided to be generous on my birthday was at a local car wash on my 35th birthday. Now, I never found much value in the machines that car washing facilities provide. Those contraptions that you would drive your car though to get washed. It was simply a series of spray hoses and soap suds being lazily dragged over your car by a set of waving rags. The real cleaning job was done from the guy after that process. The guy who would drive your car off to a dry corner of the lot and scrub off those tough stains with a spray bottle and a towel. Here in LA, they were most likely illegal immigrants earning a measly wage just enough to get by here in Los Angeles (one of the most expensive cities in the country) The man who cleaned my car that day spent a half hour wiping off the dashboard, and the tires, and even parts of the door joints you wouldn’t normally expect a car wash employee to clean. The guy was cleaning my car better than I would have ever done myself, and when I approached the car it was absolutely immaculate.

The car wash was only $19.

That day, I gave the man $40.

He was so grateful he shook my hand with a smile, and in exchange I felt amazing. I helped make his day a good one and it was an absolutely wonderful feeling.

Ever since then I try to do something kind for someone on my birthday. It’s my gift to myself.

In the years following I would give $40 tips to waitresses, $60 tips to a trio of buskers, I once bought an entire box of candy from a kid who rang my doorbell trying to save up money for camp. That was about $75.

But this was $400. What the hell was I doing?

The man waved off the money. “$400?! That’s too much,” he responded, “I can’t accept all that! A dude gets stabbed on the streets carrying that kind of cash around”

“I want you to have it, and I don’t want to sound rude, but you look like you need this money way more than I do.”

He stood hesitant. His own pride was preventing him from taking the money.

“What are you doing with that much cash on you? You a doctor or something?”

“HAHA! No, but there was a time my parents wished I was.”

The man looked at me with a hint of suspicion.

“You’re crazy. How do you know I’m not gonna go use this to go buy crack or something like that?”

“HA HA! Are you?” I laughed. The thought of the possibility of my own hard earned money being used to buy illegal drugs was somewhat humorous to me at the time.

“N- NO! NO! I won’t! I promise! But are you sure you want to give me all this? I don’t even know you.”

I hesitated, half thinking for a split second that I would perhaps reconsider and just give him an extra $20, but what would an extra $20 do for a man who needed so much more help than that? What if he had enough money to change his course in life if he really wanted to? From that perspective, $400 seemed like just a drop in the bucket. 

But maybe it was also a start?

“I’m not sure, but I know that no matter how you got into this situation, I know it’s not because you’re a bad person. You’ve probably just hit a string of bad luck.Hell, for all I know maybe you WILL blow all this money on booze and drugs, I don’t know… But what I am hoping, is that it gives you a chance to get back on your feet if you really want to…”

The man glanced back at the money.

“Take it. No strings attached. Do whatever you want with it. Buy booze or crack or whatever you want with it. I’m not gonna lecture you on how to live your life because, dude, you’re already totally down on your luck and I think that you just deserve a little kindness. You know the mistakes you’ve made and you don’t need to explain yourself to me or anyone. I just thought this money would help make things a little bit easier for you, that’s all.”

The man looked away for a moment. His lower lip trembling. Then he slowly glanced back and took the money.

“Thank you….. God Bless you, sir. I really appreciate it.”

“Take care of yourself.” I replied as he walked away.

The man walked away and never looked back.

Now here we are.

Two years later.

Standing in the same parking lot in front of the same grocery store.

My jaw drops open.

“Holy shit! I remember you! You’re that guy! LOOK AT YOU! I DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU!” I shouted.

“Now you remember me, right!? HA HA!”

This man’s voice once a whisper was now strong and deep as if his lungs consumed every molecule of oxygen around him and projected it out like water from a fire hose. He was no longer gaunt, but healthy, if not slightly overweight. His hair was clean and trimmed, but he still carried himself awkwardly with a shaky newfound confidence that now occupied a body that once resembled a dilapidated house.

“You look amazing! Where have you been!?”

“Aw man, It’s a long story-“

“I’ve got time!”

“Well-“ he hesitated

And then I paused.

“Wait. I’m- I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just want you to know that I’m really REALLY proud of you, man. I know we don’t know each other, but dude, you’ve completely changed. I don’t even recognize you. You look amazing.”

There was an awkward pause in our conversation. We were like two friends who had just reunited after a long absence, but suddenly also realized at that moment that we were also two complete strangers who knew nothing about one other. The man took a deep breath, “I’ve been coming around to this grocery store every now and then hoping I would run into you…I’d stand out here waiting for you for a half hour or so hoping you’d come by to buy groceries… I wanted to thank you for the kindness you showed me a few years back and… and I wanted to finally pay you back.”

He grabs my hand and presses the nicely folded bills into my hand. The folds and creases tell me they’ve been sitting folded like this for quite a while.

“$400. Every cent of it.”

“Hey, you don’t need to do this. It was my pleasure. I’m glad the money helped, you can keep it.” I reply.

“Well… “ he paused, “I don’t want it. Too many painful memories from it.. That day you gave me that money I took it and I used it all to get high.”

“Oh…Shit… I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have-”

“And afterwards there were some more really rough months after that. I felt so ashamed. I hated myself and I didn’t wanna live no more so one day I couldn’t take it anymore and I went over to the Colorado Street Bridge and I was gonna climb the fence and jump off…. I was gonna kill myself and end it all… but I chickened out.”

(FYI, The Colorado Street Bridge is the bridge you see in the movie, LA LA LAND)

“Man, I was so scared, and I was crying on the ground and I was thinking about my wife leavin’ me… and how I let my son down, and now he had his own son.. you see, I’m a grandfather, and I got so messed up I couldn’t be around any of them, you know?”  

Meanwhile, my groceries were sitting in the hot car. My milk was going to go bad, but I continued to hang on to his every word.

“So shortly after that incident the cops pick me up off the side of the bridge and they take me to this local homeless shelter. I get cleaned up, I get a little something to eat, and then later on that evening they gathered us all around in the cafeteria at one point and they read us this story called, After the Fall.”

I was shocked.

“Wait... What? That’s my book.” I responded

“Yeah, I know! The book changed my life, man! Humpty Dumpty finding the courage to change his life like that? It inspired me! It made me want to change! And so I see your name on the cover and one day I went to the library with my social worker to look up more of your books and I see your picture in one of the books and I thought, HOLY SHIT! That’s the guy who gave me the $400! I recognize those eyebrows from anywhere! This is a sign from God!”

“HAHAHA!”

“So, I’m getting’ all psyched up and inspired and the social worker helped me get me a sponsor, and after a while I got myself cleaned up and started working around town. I used to be a carpenter, and I was doin’ odd jobs here and there and so now I work at a hardware store.” 

He pauses for a moment and takes another deep breath.

“You see, I got myself a work related injury years ago and I had to stop working. Then when my insurance wore out I was still in pain and I started trying to find any kind of drugs I could to help with the pain, man. It was awful. I got addicted to painkillers, over time it cost me my marriage, I lost my house, and my kid moved away and he started a family of his own…. I haven’t seen my kid in years. They all wanted to help but you can only be helped if you want to be helped, you know?”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry to hear that, man”

The man begins to cry a little

“And I knew they cared about me, but…. But I let them down, and there’s just a point when the people you love just can’t stand seeing you hurt yourself no more, and they couldn’t stand watching me tear myself apart like that, you know?”

The man’s story cuts me like a knife. I’m starting to well up with tears. We’re now two strangers crying in front of each other in the middle of a grocery store parking lot. The manager of the grocery store who I see often sees us crying outside 

“Is everything okay here guys?”

“Yeah yeah yeah, We’re good. We’re just talking,” I rapidly answer as I wipe tears from my cheek. The manager walks back inside.

“…Uh… Weird question… You know my name now, but, do you mind if I ask you your name?”

“…I’m Randall.”

“Well, I’m glad you got your life back together, Randall. I’m sorry about all that stuff that happened with your family but I think what you accomplished with getting your life back together was huge and, I mean, I don’t know you, but man, I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, brother. I just wanted to see you in person so I could give you back that money… oh, and I was hoping you could sign this for me….”

Randall reaches inside his oversized brown suit and pulls out a copy of After the Fall and hands it to me with a pen.

“I’ve been carrying this around with me for a few months now hoping I’d see you. The shelter gave it to me. Would you mind signing it?” he asks.

“I’d be honored, Randall… Do you want me to make it out to you?”

“Please make it out to Randall the Third”

“Wait… your grandson?”

“I’m going out to see my son and his family next week. They live out in Arizona.”

“That’s amazing. Are you nervous?”

“I’m excited to see my grandson, but I’m terrified I could screw things up with my family again.” Randall mutters.

“Well, you made it this far. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just take it one step at a time.” I reply.

“Just like Humpty did. One step at a time.” says Randall.

I sign the book...

To Randall III, Your grandfather is a true inspiration to me.

Dan Santat

“Thank you, God bless.”

“No, Randall, thank you. This was the most amazing birthday gift I think I’ve ever received.”

“Oh, it’s your birthday today?!”

“No, it’s in twelve days. Heh… it’s when my milk expires”

“Oh shit. I should let you get going man, I’m sorry I took up all your time!”

“No, man. No! I’m so glad you did this and that we could catch up... and…. Here.”

I pull out the $400 and I hand it back to Randall.

“What are you doin?”

“I know you don’t need this, so I’m not giving you this money. Get something nice for your family, you know, a housewarming gift or something, that’s all. If you ever want to pay me back you know where to find me.”

In this parking lot.

In front of this grocery store.

“Use it to buy a huge ass teddy bear for Randall the Third. Shit get him a Playstation 4 or something I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned you worked so hard to get where you are now and you earned every cent of this. This money should be yours”  

“HA HA HA! Aw sheeeeeeit….Thank you, brother.”  

I grab Randall’s hand and I place the nicely folded wad of cash into his palm. 

“Well, I should get goin’…” Randall says.

“Yeah, me too.”

Then after a few quiet moments we exchange a hug.

“Thank you, Dan Santat…. God Bless you.” Randall whispers

“Take care” I reply

We complete our goodbyes and then head off in our own opposite directions.

I’ve received lots of amazing gifts over my 44 years, but never one as incredible as the rebirth and transformation of Randall.

Peace.

[honiboyyoon]

Switch It Up (M)

The one where your best friend Namjoon is not only bisexual, but a switch. The latter you had no idea about until you accidentally stumbled across his camboy site.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: F2L bisexual camboy!Namjoon

Warnings: good ole smut, ass play, masterbation, sir kink, degredation, more smut

Word Count: 5k

AN: thank you to bette @ddaenggtan for my header i love u long time 

After sending you a quick text, vaguely stating that something came up and that he couldn’t hang out tonight, Namjoon made his way to his “gaming room”. The gaming room can easily be converted into Namjoon’s cam room, all his decorations and toys were packed away in boring old storage containers that obviously would never peak your interest to look inside. Namjoon hated lying to you, he really did, you were his best friend and you two confided in each other for everything. However, he couldn’t help but feel apprehensive towards telling you about his part time job. He still worked twice a week at the cafe down the street to keep up appearances, but truth be told he made more than enough money from camming a few nights a week, but if he quit his cafe job then he would have to explain where his money was coming from. After checking his phone, and seeing you replied with an “all good” paired with a peace sign emoji, Namjoon began to set up is camming equipment. It wasn’t often that he had to cancel plans with you because of his unconventional hobby/job, in fact Namjoon can’t even remember the last time he did cancel plans with you, but he had forgotten that tonight the cam website he performs on was having a massive membership sale, and that would mean more patrons, and more patrons meant more money. Normally, Namjoon would hang out with you until around ten at night, then go home and cam, but with the sale Namjoon had to really pull out all the stops to snag new patrons. This meant two separate cam shows to show off his “switch” nature. With a sigh, Namjoon began to pick out what toys and outfits he would incorporate in tonight’s show. He really did hate keeping things from you, but he couldn’t deny the small flutter of arousal he felt thinking about performing tonight. 

After Namjoon had texted you cancelling your plans so last minute, you were a bit bummed, but let’s be honest your plans with him didn’t differ much from what you are currently doing. Which was sitting like a lump wrapped in a blanket while you shovelled food into your mouth and watch Netflix. It was about halfway through yet another comedy special, and an entire bag of chips later, that you got a text from one of your close friends.

Rose: omg dude remember the cam site i was telling you about?? theyre having a 75% off membership sale tonight you need to try ittttt

Your friend had been nagging you for forever to try this website, you knew porn addictions were a very real thing in today’s day and age,  and honestly ifyou had to label her, you’d say she was addicted to the camsite. It was all she talked about, she even had favourite cam stars whom she had bought merch from. Before you could even begin to type out a response, your phone buzzed again.

Rose: bitch its 75% off you cant NOT try it!!!!! its literally better than any porn youve ever seen!!!!

Y/N: omg ok!!! ill try it lmao

After grabbing your laptop and plopping back down on the couch, you are welcomed to switchitup.com’s homepage with a bright advertisement taking up the majority of your screen stating their 75% blow out sale. I can’t believe I’m doing this, this better be good. After filling out the necessary sign up information, you’re redirected to the homepage once again. You were a little on edge looking at all the cam thumbnails, who, according to the website, were “live, prepped, and ready”. You’ve watched countless porn before, but there was something very different about watching a recording vs someone in real time, and one who you could even ask to do things. Scrolling through the guys and girls, none of the cam stars peaked your interest, so you refreshed the homepage. The third thumbnail you saw almost had your jaw hit the floor. 

No, there was no way that was Namjoon, no fucking way. The thumbnail’s small, that’s just someone who kind of looks like him. You’re trying to reason with yourself, and failing horribly when the guy who is a “SWITCH BOY LOOKING TO SUB” is none other than your best friend. Your very hot best friend, at that. You shouldn’t be clicking on his cam link, you know you shouldn’t be, but your brain is not really functioning properly given the fact that your best friend is now currently on your laptop screen in a pink collar with a small dildo in his asshole while he strokes his cock.  Holy shit, slamming your laptop closed you jump up from the couch, and pace around your tiny apartment. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. You knew Namjoon was bisexual, so the fact that he liked things up his ass wasn’t that surprising, but you just never though you would see things go up said ass in HD. Okay, cool. Joon’s a camboy, that’s cool. I can’t watch his stream though, that’d be super fucking weird. But would it be rude to not support him? Views mean money to cams stars, right? 

After wrestling with your emotions for what seemed like forever, you come to the conclusion that the cat is already out of the bag, and is about to be dead from your curiosity. Sitting back down on the couch, you place your laptop on your lap and are immediately greeted by a paused picture of Namjoon with his legs spread, knees bent, giving you an unobstructed view of his ass stretching around a toy. You also notice how flushed and sweaty he is, and begrudgingly notice how it turns you on. Hesitantly, you click play again and wait a few seconds for the stream to refresh so it’s live again. The sounds of his whines and groans are suddenly hitting your ears as you watch a sweaty Namjoon furiously fucking himself with the dildo while simultaneously jerking his massive hard on. You never really watched boy on boy porn, but watching your best friend whimpering due to a dildo in his ass had your panties damp and sticking to you. You nearly jumped when you heard him talk, his normally sweet honey voice now gruff and whiney.

“Fuck, I’m-nmf-I’m so close, please let me cum,” you didn’t really understand why or who Namjoon was saying this too since there’s no one there with him, but as you notice the message chat in the corner of the screen, he speaks out again, “you know I can’t come until you help me reach the goal” He’s practically giggling and now you’re even more confused because now there’s a goal? What goal? It’s when Namjoon’s hand that’s stroking his cock picks up the pace, you notice in the upper corner there’s a donation button with the live donations count, and it seems the louder your best friend gets, the more the number increases. You’re assuming since he sounds like he could cum soon, his goal is a thousand dollars, and he only has about eighty dollars to go. It’s so tempting to donate a couple bucks, it’d be the same as when he first got that job at the coffee shop and you went in and bought a latte, right? Plus the erection he was sporting looked almost painful, the tip an angry red and shiny from lube and precum. Namjoon, once again interrupted your thoughts, “please, I’m so so close, I’ll cum so good for you I promise” shit, shit, shit, you wanted to help him, and you couldn’t deny that this was all very erotic and you were incredibly turned on. 

“Please, please baby-fuck-it hurts I need to cum so badly, please” Namjoon is basically whining at this point and it’s all beginning to feel like too much. As Namjoon’s pleas get louder, so does the sound of skin on skin and he fucks himself more desperately. You feel like you’re about to get sensory overload and think, fuck it! And harshly click over the $5 donation button, and as you do the goal number rounds up to $1000 and confetti, and what looks like its suppose to be animated cum, shoots around it. Namjoon’s breathy laugh brings your attention back to him and he flops his head to the side and lets out a soft thank you before he’s cumming loud and hard against his toned abdomen. After a few more tugs on his cock, Namjoon swipes his fingers over his stomach, gathering his cum, and holds them up to his mouth. As his plump lips wrap around his fingers he lets out a content hum. Releasing his fingers with an audible pop, Namjoon shuffles closer to the camera and from the looks of his eyes, it looks like he’s reading comments. He lets out a soft chuckle and shakes the sweaty fringe out of his eyes before looking back into the camera, “for the big sale tonight I’ll be doing two streams instead of just the usual one, I’ll be back in about thirty minutes except this time,” Namjoon’s voice drops, becoming more gruff, and the look in his eyes change, “I won’t be the sub.” 

Namjoon signs off with a see ya soon! And a kiss blown to the camera before ending the stream and you laptop screen is black. You stare at your reflection when you realize what happened. Your best friend is a switch. Your best friend is a cam boy. You not only watched your best friend’s stream, but you also donated. And above all else, you are incredibly horny, specifically for your best friend. You now are faced with two options, get off to another cam performer, or wait half an hour and get off to your best friend dominating you through the computer.

It was exactly thirty minutes after his first stream had ended and Namjoon was back on the bed in the spare room you knew all too well from too many drunken nights. He seemed to just be chilling and scrolling through his phone, except now the pink collar was gone and he was wearing a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black dress pants paired with a black belt. Running a hand through his hair, Namjoon smiles reading the comments. “Hey baby, I’m gonna wait a few minutes for more people to show up, who watched my earlier stream?” Namjoon goes back to reading the comments and you can’t help but feel excited, the anticipation alone is getting you wet. 

This is so wrong, you think. You’re getting wet waiting for your Joonie to put on a cam show. Well, it’s not like he hasn’t made you wet in the past, but this is different. Of course you had always found Namjoon attractive but he was Namjoon. He was your Joonie, your Joon-Joon. But right now your Joon-Joon is palming himself over his slacks and biting his plump lips, and you think you’re dying a little bit. It’s when you notice in the corner of the screen the donation display glows at fifty dollars, and Namjoon lets out a low, breathy laugh, “alright baby, you’ve been good so I’ll reward you.” He stands and slowly unbuttons his dress shirt, stopping every few buttons to rub a veiny hand across his muscular chest, a vivid memory of you snuggled up to that chest at your last movie night is quickly pushed to the side. Your whole body is tingling as Namjoon finishes taking off his shirt, left in only his dress pants. He begins to palm himself once again, bottom lip caught between his teeth, and his eyes roam over the camera as if he’s undressing you through the screen. “I hope you haven’t started touching yourself yet baby, that would be very naughty of you.” You hadn’t, in fact, started to touch yourself but the authority in Namjoon’s voice made your core ache. “Don’t touch yourself until I say so, or my baby won’t get a very good show.” You had wondered during the thirty minute intermission how being a cam dom would work. Being a sub made more sense, you do what your viewers tell you to do, and you can beg them, it just made more sense. However, below the donation number you see all the other viewers comments, begging Namjoon to finish stripping, begging to let them touch themselves. The sound of leather whipping brought your attention back to your best friend, he’d taken off his belt and folded it in half to make the noise. Another sound of the belt and you quickly pushed your sweat pants and panties down to your knees. Running a hand through your slick folds, careful to avoid your aching nub, Namjoon hadn’t told you to touch yourself yet. Another loud whip of his belt and the donation number glowed 100, Namjoon cooed a soft so good for me, before quickly stepping out of his pants, no underwear to be seen. His massive erection standing fully proud as Namjoon takes a seat once again at the edge of the bed and languidly strokes his cock.

“You’ve been so good baby, go ahead and touch yourself,” you instantly follow his command, quickly circling your throbbing clit, and you notice the comments are filled with praise and thank you’s, “what an obedient little slut, so good for sir.” You let out a small whimper and speed up your hand, you would never in a million years think that you’d be hearing your Joonie say those things to you. There’s a little bit of an icky feeling when you think that he’s not really saying them with you in mind, but there’s no time to dwell on that. Not when Namjoon just let out a delicious moan and called you a good girl again. 

“How does it feel baby girl, bet you wish I was there, huh? C’mon you little slut go a little faster for me, a little harder” your whines grow louder as you follow Namjoon’s command. The comment section is filled with more pleas, and you see several daddy’s, sir’s and master’s.

“Slide a finger in there baby, stretch yourself open for me, don’t want you to hurt yourself on my big cock.” You don’t think you’ve seen Namjoon look so smug, and it’s unbelievably arousing. 

Your laptop is set on the coffee table in front of you while you fuck yourself on your fingers and furiously rub at your clit. You’ve been watching Namjoon’s stream for nearly half an hour now and you’re so close to cumming, but deciding to hold out until Namjoon cums. He seems like he could go on forever, he’s been roughly jerking his cock the entire time he’s been spewing filthy words. Telling the camera how much he wishes he could touch, taste, and fuck you. 

“I bet you sound so sweet when you’re cumming baby,” he’s licking his lips again as he brushes his hand through his hair once again. His eyes look down and you can tell he’s reading the comments again, “don’t you fucking dare think about cumming you needy little whore, you cum when I tell you to.” The comment are filled completely with begging at the same rate the donation number skyrockets. After a few more moments of denying yourself your orgasm, the donation number hits a thousand dollars and the same confetti and cum animation goes off in the corner. Namjoon lets out a low chuckle before biting down on his bottom lip, “fuck you’re so good for me, I want you to cum, c’mon.” Namjoon is now furiously stroking himself and he throws his head back while letting out a particularly loud moan. You’re so close it hurts, but you desperately want to finish with him. A few more strokes and Namjoon is cumming over his stomach again, and your orgasm rips through you. After your breathing begins to even out you look back to the screen and find Namjoon running his finger through his cum again. You wonder if he’s going to eat it again. He answers your question by holding his finger up to the camera and saying “open on baby, be a good little cum slut for me.” And you actually find yourself opening your mouth for him, before quickly realizing that he’s on your fucking laptop screen and you snap your mouth close. You don’t wait for Namjoon to sign off before you’re exiting the browser and closing your laptop.

After a quick shower, you find yourself sprawled on your bed with a face mask on, contemplating your entire existence and your entire friendship with Namjoon. Okay so, you watched not one but two of your best friend’s cam shows. You touched yourself to your best friend’s cam shows, and you even got off to your best friend’s cam shows. And to make it even worse, the annoying little voice that shows up every few months in your head saying maybe we could be more than friends shows up again.

A buzz next to your head notifies you of a text and your stupid heart flutters a bit when you see its from Joonie Boonie.

Joonie: Hey, sorry again for cancelling :( ill make it up to you tomorrow!

Y/N: You better sir!!

Joonie: Aha sir??

Wait- oh fuck. You’re bolt up so quickly that your face mask flies half way off your face.

Y/N: HAHAHA SRRY IM RLLY TIRED GOODNIGHT 

“What the hell was that?!” you yell at your reflection in the wall mirror, your half-on face mask making you look like your wearing someone else’s skin. With an exasperated sigh that you fling yourself back onto your bed. 

“I’m just saying, I know kids are gullible but who the fuck would continue talking to a scary ass clown in th- Y/N?” A flick to your forehead brings you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? What?”

“You’re the one that made us re-watch IT and you’re not even paying attention!” Namjoon huffs. It was the day after you discovered Namjoon’s side job, and he brought over pizza to make up for bailing on you.

“You seriously haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been saying, are you okay?” Namjoon leans in closer, legitimately worried. 

“What? No, I’m fine, I just-we tell each other everything right?” you’ve never been one to hold back from Namjoon and you really didn’t want this whole thing hanging over you.

Namjoon nodded in response, a bit hesitant. “Yeah, of course. Why, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” there’s no good way to say this so you really should just spit it out, “just one of my coworkers told me to check out this pornsite she’s obsessed with and it’s all just cam stars.”

You notice Namjoon tense up a bit before his brows knit together, “okay...why are you telling me this?”

“Would you judge me if I became a cam girl?” okay, yeah maybe that wasn’t the best way to divert the conversation. Namjoon shook his head before letting out a soft “no, no I wouldn’t.”

“Alright, cool. I wouldn’t judge you either by the way, you know if you ever did it, camming that is.” you’re rushing your words and fidgeting with shirt hem but Namjoon only lets out a soft laugh before placing his plate on the table, before turning his body to face you.

“Y/N, is there something you want to tell me about that website? Something or someone you saw?”

You’re looking everywhere but his face and it’s only when he snaps his fingers in front of you that you whip your head back to look at him. “I saw you,” you let out softly. Namjoon bites the inside of his cheek and gives a small nod, “well,” he begins “h-”

“I swear it was by accident, I saw your live stream thumbnail thing and I didn’t really believe it was you and before I knew it, I clicked on your sub stream, but I only caught the end of it!”

“You called me sir.”

“W-what?” since when do you ever stutter?

“Yesterday, yesterday you called me sir when I texted you.” Namjoon narrows his eyes at you, “you saw both of them.” Well, fuck.

“Uhh… yes? Maybe? Fuck.” You’ve now reverted back to looking anywhere that wasn’t Namjoon. He looked mad. He should be, you reason. You tell each other everything and him not telling you about being a camboy was clearly for a reason, he must’ve wanted to keep it private.

“So you liked it?” wait, what?

“Huh?” Out of all the things to say you didn’t expect Namjoon to say that. Now you’re looking at him with a confused look on your face.

“I said,” Namjoon scoots a bit closer to you, “you liked my shows? You said the first one was an accident and you only watched the end of it so you heard me say I’d be streaming again as a dom and you called me sir, meaning you also watched that one.” Namjoon tilts his head to the side awaiting your response.

“Oh, well, I guess? I mean you’re my friend and I want to support you? I don’t know?” Your voice is dramatically rising in pitch, which seems to only amuse Namjoon.

“So you’re not mad that I lied to you about being a cam boy?” Namjoon actually looks nervous, he really does hate the idea of keeping things from you. He can’t say that he didn’t feel like his stomach was going to drop out of his ass when you first mentioned the cam site, but now he’s actually relieved you know, now he doesn’t feel like he’s lying to you. He would be lying, however, if he said the idea of you watching, let alone touching yourself to his shows, didn’t make his cock twitch in his pants.

“No, of course I’m not mad Joonie! You’re not mad at me?” How could he not be? This felt like a very big invasion of privacy even though as you’re looking at him now, you’re just imagining how good it felt to have him call you a good little slut yesterday. 

“Of course I’m not mad at you,” Namjoon had been giving himself a pep talk over the last several days to confess his love for you, he in no way imagined it would go like this, but hell the opportunity was there and he was tired of waiting. “Would you be mad at me if I said that I think it’s really fucking hot that you watched me?”

Now it was your turn to blush. Although you’re enjoying the small back and forth going on between you, your voice is barely above a whisper. “Only if you’re mad about the fact that I touched myself while watching you.”

Namjoons plump lips were on yours instantly. They were softer than you could ever imagine, and he pours years worth of harboured feelings into the kiss. You kissed him back fervently, years of love, desperation, and lust pouring into the kiss that you both had waited so long to give each other. It was like all the events and emotions came surging up all at once for Namjoon as he abruptly broke the kiss, “I love you.” he stated, lips red and swollen. You could only just look up at him with wide eyes and equally swollen lips, your hair a mess from where his hands nested in them during the kiss. You grabbed him by the back of the neck so that your foreheads met, “I love you too.”

You two had kissed for what seemed like an eternity, desperate to make up for lost time, but as hands roamed further the desperation grew.

“Which one did you like?” Namjoon panted against your lips.

“Huh?” you couldn’t stop kissing him, it felt like you were possessed.

Breaking the kiss again, Namjoon tried once more, “which one did you like better? Pink or black?” at the realization of his words, you couldn’t help but let out a whimper. 

“B-black-oh” Namjoon latched on to the most sensitive part of your neck and you were basically mewling, pawing at his shoulder blades. Sliding his hand down to dip past your pants and underwear, he began to circle your clit. You jolted from the sensation as he sucked harder on your neck.

Lifting his head away from your neck, Namjoon’s dark gaze bore into yours, “well in that case, how about you be a good girl me and take my fingers, yeah?” Nodding your head insistently, Namjoon wasted no time before pushing two fingers into your soaked core. You whined at the sudden stretch, which made Namjoon chuckle, “your tight little pussy can barely take two of my fingers baby, I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle my dick.”

The slight mention that you might not be fucked into next week by his perfect dick, had you gripping onto Namjoon’s arms pleading, “no please, sir! Please I promise I can take it, I’ll be a good cum slut for you, I promise!” Namjoon’s brows shot up, not really expecting you to be this into it, at least so soon. But hearing how submissive you can be had his erection straining in his pants. He pressed his lips to your again before delivering a slap against your throbbing core, “get on the bed for me baby”.

You two were naked writhing on your bed in a blink of an eye. Namjoon was above you, one hand next your head supporting his weight, the other stroking himself while he stared at your naked heaving chest. Getting impatient you wrapped your legs around him, “Joonie, please!” and he laughed out a quick sorry before slowly burying himself in you. Once he was fully in you, he paused, allowing you time to adjust to his massive size. After you gave a little nod, he set a quick and desperate pace. You were moaning so loudly and Namjoon swears he’s never heard anything more beautiful, the blissed-out look on your face was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. You were just so beautiful and Namjoon was hit with such an overwhelming surge of love that he slipped out of his dominating persona before engulfing your body in his and passionately kissing you. He slowed his pace slightly and angled his hips to hit deeper into you, the change making you cry out in ecstasy. 

“I love you,” he kissed you again, “I love you more than anything, I can’t believe this is finally happening, holy fuck.”

Your running your hands through his hair to bring his face closer to yours, your lips brushing as you both pour words and love and devotion into each other. It’s after a particularly deep thrust has you crying out, that you dig your nails into Namjoon’s back, “Joonie, please fuck me harder, I wanna be a good girl for you.”

Namjoon pulls away slightly to get a better look at you before a wicked grin appears on his face, “alright, then baby, hands and knees for me.” After he pulls out you quickly flip over, ass poised enticingly up in the air, Namjoon groans as he spread your ass cheeks apart before delivering a quick smack. “Fuck baby, you have such a perfect ass, would you like me to eat it?” you’re whimpering and nodding into the bedsheets, and Namjoon quickly makes work with his tongue against your asshole while he fingers your sopping pussy. “What a good little slut, loves getting both holes played with,” he delivers and slap to your ass, “you probably want me to fill both don’t you?” you nod into the pillow but Namjoon doesn’t find that to be a sufficient answer, so he yanks you by your hair, “use your words you little slut, you know how to speak”

“Yes sir! I want you to fuck both my holes, please” your voice is so whiney and Namjoon feels like he can cum just from listening to you. 

Namjoon slaps your ass once more before quickly shoving his cock into you, pushing all the way in. You gasp at the sudden change, and Namjoon tightens his hold on your hair. He’s fucking you like a desperate animal, it almost borders on painful but its just so good. You can feel his thumb circle your asshole so you let out a whiney please, and Namjoon sticks his thumb into your tight hole. He delivers another harsh slap to your ass, “what do you say, slut?”

“Thank you, sir! It feels so good, may-hmm-maybe next time you can fuck my ass with one of your toys” you breathe out. Namjoon is pulling you up so his chest is against your back and laughs in your ear, “you dirty little bitch, I had no idea this whole time, you’re so filthy,” he pushes you down against the bed, “I fucking love it.”

Namjoon continues to fuck you with such force that you are now completely flat against the bed while he pistons into you, one hand wedged between the bed rubbing your clit, and the other with his thumb still toying your ass. Your moans are getting louder and Namjoon brings his lips next to your ear, “are you gonna be a good slut and cum for me, huh baby? Come on, be a messy little whore and soak the sheets.”

After a series of please,please,please and very well aimed thrusts, you’re cumming hard. You’re drenched clenching pussy has Namjoon quickly following, pulling out and emptying his load onto your red ass. 

After a few moments of catching your breath, Namjoon reaches over to pluck a tissue from the box on your nightstand, effectively knocking over a picture frame and several trinkets, making you giggle. “Oh, shut up” Namjoon teases as he cleans you off. Once he’s done wiping his cum off of you, he tosses the tissue onto your nightstand and lays down staring into your eyes. Wordlessly you snuggle up into his chest like you have done countless times during your many movie nights, but this time it was so different, so right.

You’re both just silently enjoying each other before a thought pops into your head, “does this mean I have to buy a strap on for you?”

[newstfionline]

Headlines

WHO Issues Warning As Daily Caseload Grows (Foreign Policy) As dense crowds of protesters gather around the world, and New Zealand announces a return to life as usual, it’s easy to forget that a pandemic is still raging. On Monday, the WHO recorded the largest daily increase in new coronavirus cases since the pandemic began, 136,000 in total; 75 percent of new cases came from just ten countries, mostly in the Americas and South Asia.

Stress is skyrocketing among the middle-aged (Marketwatch) If you’re middle-aged and you’re thinking, “I don’t remember everyone being this angry and miserable 20 or 30 years ago,” you’re not wrong. A recent study confirms what many people in later middle age already feel: We really are much more stressed than middle-aged people were back in the 1990s. The good news? As we get older our levels of stress will go down again. We’ll be happier in retirement than we are in our 40s and 50s, even with health issues. Older people experience fewer stressors and are able to cope with them better, says David Almeida, a psychologist and professor of human development at Pennsylvania State University. Meanwhile, the simplest answer is to move more. “My advice to people is to move when you are exposed to stress,” he says. “Moving, physical activity, is probably the best stress reducer.”

After Protests, Politicians Reconsider Police Budgets and Discipline (NYT) In an abrupt change of course, the mayor of New York vowed to cut the budget of the nation’s largest police force. In Los Angeles, the mayor called for redirecting millions of dollars from policing after protesters gathered outside his home. And in Minneapolis, City Council members pledged to dismantle their police force and completely reinvent how public safety is handled. As tens of thousands of people have demonstrated against police violence over the past two weeks, calls have emerged in cities across the country for fundamental changes to American policing. The pleas for change have taken a variety of forms—including measures to restrict police use of military-style equipment and efforts to require officers to face strict discipline in cases of misconduct. Parks, universities and schools have distanced themselves from local police departments, severing contracts. In some places, the calls for change have gone still further, aiming to abolish police departments, shift police funds into social services or defund police departments partly or entirely.

U.N. General Assembly won’t meet in person for first time in 75-year history (Washington Post) For the first time in the United Nations’ 75-year history, world leaders won’t convene in New York for the annual U.N. General Assembly meeting this September. U.N. General Assembly President Tijjani Muhammad-Bande explained Monday that an in-person gathering during the coronavirus pandemic would be impossible because world leaders typically travel with large delegations of aides and security personnel, making it hard to keep the numbers of attendees at events low. “A president doesn’t travel alone, leaders don’t travel alone,” he said. The session will instead take place remotely, though U.N. officials have yet to say exactly what that might look like.

Mexico’s Leader Rejects Big Spending to Ease Virus’s Sting (NYT) Across the globe, governments have rushed to pump cash into flailing economies, hoping to stave off the pandemic’s worst financial fallout. They have mustered trillions of dollars for stimulus measures to keep companies afloat and employees on the payroll. The logic: When the pandemic finally passes, economies will not have to start from scratch to bounce back. In Mexico, no such rescue effort has come. The pandemic could lead to an economic reckoning worse than anything Mexico has seen in perhaps a century. More jobs were lost in April than were created in all of 2019. A recent report by a government agency said as many as 10 million people could fall into poverty this year. Yet most economists estimate that Mexico will increase spending only slightly. Hostile toward bailouts, loath to take on public debt and deeply mistrustful of most business leaders, Mexico’s president has opted largely to sit tight.

Cuba almost coronavirus free (Foreign Policy) Cuba—a country that prides itself on its health system—has almost vanquished its coronavirus epidemic, according to official data. It has recently averaged less than ten cases per day and on Monday went nine consecutive days without a reported death from COVID-19. “We could be shortly closing in on the tail end of the pandemic and entering the phase of recovery from COVID,” President Miguel Diaz-Canel said over the weekend.

Spain makes masks mandatory until coronavirus defeated (Reuters) Wearing masks in public will remain mandatory in Spain after the country’s state of emergency ends on June 21 until a cure or vaccine for the coronavirus is found, Health Minister Salvador Illa said on Tuesday.

This round’s on us, says Malta (Reuters) Residents of Malta will be given $112 vouchers by the government to spend in bars, hotels and restaurants in an effort to revitalize the tourist industry. Tourism accounts for a quarter of the Mediterranean island’s GDP but it has been at a standstill since mid-March when flights were stopped during the coronavirus emergency. Flights to a small number of countries will resume on July 1 but they exclude big tourism source markets Britain and Italy.

Russia rejects Iran embargo (Foreign Policy) Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov has called for “universal condemnation” of the U.S. campaign to pass a permanent arms embargo on Iran through the United Nations Security Council. In a letter to U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, Lavrov called the U.S. attempt to hold Iran to the confines of the Iran deal while the United States had already broken the deal was “ridiculous and irresponsible.”

Moscow’s strict coronavirus lockdown turns lax overnight (Washington Post) In a sudden about-face from one of the world’s strictest coronavirus lockdowns, Moscow dramatically eased restrictions Tuesday, abolishing the city’s digital-pass system for travel and allowing salons and most other nonessential businesses to open. Schedules for when Muscovites were allowed outside based on their address have also been done away with after just one week. Restaurants and cafes will be allowed to serve people on verandas starting June 16 and nearly all restrictions will be lifted by June 23—the day before Russia’s rescheduled Victory Day parade on Moscow’s Red Square. The city’s walk schedules and requirements for wearing face masks outside have increasingly been ignored by residents, and Moscow authorities might have been feeling the pressure from small businesses that have been closed since late March with little government aid to sustain them.

Tracking the origin of the coronavirus outbreak (Daily Telegraph) Coronavirus may have broken out in the Chinese city of Wuhan much earlier than previously thought, according to a new US study looking at satellite imagery and internet searches. The Harvard Medical School research found that the number of cars parked at major Wuhan hospitals at points last autumn was much higher than the preceding year. It also found that searches from the Wuhan region for information on “cough” and “diarrhea”, known Covid-19 symptoms, on the Chinese search engine Baidu spiked around the same time. It has led researchers to suggest that the outbreak began much earlier than December 31, the date the Chinese government notified the World Health Organization of the outbreak.​

North Korea cuts off all communication with South Korea (AP) North Korea said it was cutting off all communication channels with South Korea on Tuesday, a move experts say could signal Pyongyang has grown frustrated that Seoul has failed to revive lucrative inter-Korean economic projects and persuade the United States to ease sanctions. The North’s Korean Central News Agency said all cross-border communication lines would be cut off at noon in the “the first step of the determination to completely shut down all contact means with South Korea and get rid of unnecessary things.” North Korea has cut communications in the past—not replying to South Korean phone calls or faxes—and then restored those channels when tensions eased.

The Palestinian Plan to Stop Annexation: Remind Israel What Occupation Means (NYT) Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel is pressing for annexation in conjunction with the Trump administration’s peace plan, which at least ostensibly contemplates an autonomous Palestinian entity as part of what it calls a “realistic two-state solution.” Mr. Netanyahu has vowed to annex up to 30 percent of the West Bank, and could do so as early as next month. But to the Palestinians, annexation flouts the ban on unilateral land grabs agreed to in the Oslo Accords in the 1990s, and would steal much of the territory they have counted on for a state. For that reason, they say it would kill all hope of a two-state solution to the conflict. In response to the annexation plan, Mr. Abbas renounced the Palestinians’ commitments under the Oslo agreements last month, including on security cooperation with Israel. The strategy aims to remind the Israelis of the burdens they would assume if the Palestinian Authority disbanded, and to demonstrate that they are willing to let the authority collapse if annexation comes to pass. The Palestinian Authority says it will cut the salaries of tens of thousands of its own clerks and police officers. It will slash vital funding to the impoverished Gaza Strip. And it will try any Israeli citizens or Arab residents of Jerusalem arrested on the West Bank in Palestinian courts instead of handing them over to Israel.

[amazinmango]

I present to you a will so strong that it defies all that would stand before it: science, biology, finance, reason.

It has defeated the efforts of medical professionals, direct physical and psychological intervention, thousands of dollars, and years of effort.

It is the epitome of defiance in the face of insurmountable odds.

It is contained within a very. smol. borb.

I give you the gorgeous idiot at the center of it all: Petrie.

So cockatiel hens can lay a handful of eggs each year, with or without fertilization or even companionship of another bird (species and gender notwithstanding). Also if said ladybird has bonded with her human; she don’t judge. They can produce clutches of a couple to five (or more, if feelin’ sassy) at a shot, and it’s typical to have maybe two clutches a year if any at all.

Unless you’re Petrie.

If you are Petrie, you can churn out stupid numbers of little white ovoids, each one of which contains enough craziness fit to drive your human off the deep end. I lost count after she’d pooped out thirty just over the course of one year; there was maybe a three-week span when she, for the love of some deity somewhere, took a breather. (That’s a little under ten clutches; at the time I was removing them as she laid them when I could distract her before I realized I was making the problem worse.)

Thing is, Petrie is very pretty. She has an apartment next to her buddy Loona, a Very Old Man who has no interest in her That Way. There’s one brain cell between them (spoiler: it’s his) and Petrie typically has the memory of a gnat. Cockatiels and similar small parrot(lets) are thought to possess intellect along the lines of a human toddler. Cause-and-effect are something Loona understands quite well. You can see him mapping out his path from where he is to where he wants to go, and then watch him implement it. He knows where the bathroom is down the hall, and how to get there. He knows where he is not allowed to go in the kitchen, and goes there anyway. He has specific calls for “Where are you? Okay, thanks!” and “Hey, I’m hungry and don’t WANT these pellets” and “WE’RE OUTTA WATER BC SHE SHAT IN IT AGAIN.”

Petrie, tho. She will fly from her cage, land upon the floor in front of it (near the ladder that leads up to the entrance), and walk in circles backwards, screaming, until rescue.

...she is very, very pretty.

So Cockatiels aren’t laying hens, right; their tiny bodies are not designed to churn out calcium-fortified baby-containment units on the regular. Chronic layers can become egg-bound--they run outta calcium to the point that the egg’s shell is neither hard nor soft enough to pass. It gets stuck, jams up the works--being birds, there’s one business-end orifice for all functions. She can’t poop because the egg is in the holding position, and her body doesn’t stop making poop especially if she continues eating. Her strength wanes, and her calcium deficient and heavily-taxed body is not built to handle this shit.

In short, she becomes even more highly stressed, malnourished, possibly septic, and dies.

It’s a shitty way to go.

Solution(s): 

Provide plenty of calcium, discourage laying and breeding behaviors. 

Avoid overfeeding and reduce free-feeding. 

Rearrange the cage frequently, try to eliminate cozy spots that look very NestableTM. 

Don’t touch her on her back, and do not engage when she’s sticking her butt in the air and squeaking. 

Redirect, distract, do anything that gets her out of make-babies mode and go on with your lives.

As you might have guessed, Petrie is a Chronic Layer to end all chronic layers. She shan’t cease egging for no man. You can’t take away an egg she has made, as she will immediately get to work on cooking another. Rearrange the cage all you like! That perch and dish combo really make that corner pop. Change the photoperiod to the point that you are genuinely worried about her psychological wellbeing, until telltale squeaking emits from a covered cage at three AM. Balance out her diet with regulated mealtimes (how DARE you father i am sTaRVinG) that inevitably regresses into free-feeding chaos because she needs all the nutrients bc shitting out eggs. 

You can consult avian vets, plural, on other solutions.

Purchase expensive, stressful shots (as in needle-y injections into this tiny borb) that are intended to have a stern discussion with her single functional ovary. Being governed by hormones, it can, in theory, be deactivated by the same principles--throw the right kinds of hormones at the birb, the birb stops egging.

Petrie’s utterly-fucking-determined drive to create egg after egg after egg is so insurmountable that she has laughed in the face of said injections on a quarterly basis for more than one year. These shots, btw, are $75 a stick.

You can discuss with an avian veterinarian possible surgical options--but removing the ovary in a cockatiel is a high-risk operation on a healthy bird; the prognosis for coming out of the operation alive is fifty-fifty.

Never mind if your bird is stressed and already egg-bound. If you’ve gently massaged her bootie above where the egg sits, and you’ve vaseline’d her butthole (technical term for gentle application of approved oils to cloaca, of course) and given her the equivalent of a bird sitz bath. All short of gently taking this fluffball in hand and just squeezing her.

Thus you find yourselves at the emergency vet at two in the morning because she collapsed at the bottom of her cage, too weak to hold her head up. She’s checked in, and you go home with an empty carrier and stare at the stupid eggs she’s left on the floor of the cage away from any hospitable nesting configurations and amidst all the barriers and deterrents you’ve placed there.

You get the call at work that she’s holding steady but not looking good; she’s malnourished and they can’t risk trying to crack the egg, suck out contents, then gently crush and remove the shell. She won’t survive any sort of stress, never mind surgery. At this point, it’s touch and go if she’ll see the morning.

You can keep her checked in, and hope.

You get the call that she’s made it through the night, holding steady. And then in another day or so, she’s passed the damned egg, is scarfing enough food to feed a rottweiler, and is ready to come home.

That’s just the first time shit got real over the last several years of hyped-up egg production, the first thousand bucks and change.

After she’s back to a healthy weight and shows good on her bloodwork (another stressful test), Petrie goes back on the hormone injections.

She lays three eggs, her average clutch.

The vet says “hey, maybe it didn’t work, let her finish with this clutch and bring her in for an early next shot.”

She ‘finishes,’ as in loses interest in the unfertilized eggs long enough for me to distract her and remove them, rearrange the cages anew, and watch closely that she doesn’t immediately start going ass-in-air squeaktoy. We go to the vet. She gets the shot.

She lays three eggs.

The vet scratches her head, and reminds me of the half-chance of survival should we try to de-ovarize this bird.

She gets another shot, and lays three more eggs.

We stop the shots.

She bulldozes through a bunch of creative, bird-safe debris and obstacles placed at the bottom of the cage. I have found her underneath crunched-up water bottles sitting on eggs, happily poofed up and looking up at me like “I maked these!!”

She became egg-bound a second time, and that was a second vet trip, though not as dramatic or in the wee hours. She passed the egg overnight, to the tune of another cool grand.

This bird. This friggin borb.

She came home, and amazingly went for several months without egging. I was thrilled. She crapped out five eggs in January 2020, a big clutch for her. She rolled out the dummy eggs when I tried to get her to please stop, baby. She lost interest in them faster than usual, and then came another blessed fiveish weeks of egglessness.

And yet, as I sit in my mancave-turned-office for work-from-home, I hear the distinct sound of a fluffy borb shuffling through crunchy water bottles and squeaking as she goes. I can only hope to fortify her, love her, and support her as she works on her next set of freaking giantass (for a cockatiel) eggs.

Petrie contains her own fortitude and sheer will beyond any I can imagine. She persists, against all odds, and survives her own best efforts to do herself in, and when I look at her in exhausted exasperation, she gives me this little cute squinty-eyed cockatiel smile and chirps.

This gorgeous idiot cannot do otherwise, and I love her and hope to love her as long as I can, as I cannot do otherwise.

[gromvillage]

all odds motherfucker. come get yalls juice

thank you for enabling my procrastination

1. you wake up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

i think it would be mad awkward but i could think of much worse people to wake up naked next to. i’d probably say something really intelligent like ‘yikes’ or ‘this is weird’

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

drugs are for sure not my thing so yeah i would care a lot

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

very much sober

7. What does your last received text say?

my cousin was texting me about honors colleges and stuff like that

9. Where was your last kiss at?

my friend’s house

11. What do you drink in the morning?

generally nothing but sometimes water or hot cider cause i’m exciting like that

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

of course, you’re trying to connect with someone who has different thoughts and ideas and feelings than you

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

nah man we good

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

my mom!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i know i will be in a very different place in my life in three years so i don’t know for sure but i would like to be!

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

that’s gonna be a nope

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

oh plenty of people

25. In the past week have you cried?

i’m sure i have but i can’t think of a specific instance 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

inside the shower, it’s cold as fuck when you get out and are still wet

29. Do you think you’re old?

big nope

31. What type of day are you having?

fairly average, the sad/tired combo that’s a real classic for me hit for the first time in a while this afternoon though

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold weather (as long as i’m prepared for it)

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

right now a fling would probably be best

37. What song are you listening to?

high road to harlan by jason tyler burton

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

not a girl but there is someone who knows quite a bit about me

41. When did you last receive a text message?

like ten minutes ago

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

you really obsessed with my recent texts. i don’t know her super well, i’d like to get to know her better though

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

depends on who it was but possibly 

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my mom

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

not that i can think of?? 

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

not really no

53. Do you like rain?

i love rain but i always seem to be working when it’s rained recently so i can’t enjoy it so that’s kind of a bummer

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

of course

57. Are you shy?

depends on the situation and my mood that day

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

yes because you know your girl broke but also no because i’m a coward...i’d have to know more

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

negative ghostrider

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

i got a new pair of pants i love but i don’t think that’s cute per say?? this girl i’m kinda into was obsessing over my fish, that’s pretty tight i guess

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

i don’t really do a lot with my nails other than cut them so do them myself

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

not yet sadly

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

right now i have like a motarola cause i’m cool like that (and broke) like that but i’d go with an iphone

73. Do you like diet soda?   

god no i have taste

75. Are you 16 or older?   

yuhhh 

77. Do you have a job?    

yeah! i really enjoy it

79. Did you ever have braces?  

no but i feel like i should have  

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

i don’t have facebook because i’m not a boomer

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?   

generally my mom but my dad and i are closer than most i think 

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  

i hardly ever go to the movies so probably booksmart?? last summer??

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

flip flops

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?   

my hair can’t hold a curl to save it’s life so it’s always straight 

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?   

i love swimming in rivers, there’s something about floating with the current that is so relaxing to me. i also have some great memories of time spent swimming at the lake tho 

93. …Had sex in a car?    

wouldn’t you like to know

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

uhhh sleeping?

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

i fucking hate it

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?  

that’s not my thing so noooo  

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? 

lmao no   

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?   

it’s winter so,,,,no 

[nleeowens]

Marvel's Endgame Made Me Feel Miserable; And So Has Other Movies

Since Marvel is rereleasing Endgame with new scenes, I decided to post my personal essay on how I felt about the fatphobia and abelism directed to Thor because I have no where else to post it lol

April 26, 2019 was a historical day. And it wasn’t because it was the eve of my birthday, though in my humble opinion it would’ve been a pretty special day on that alone. No, it was historical because it marked the theatrical release of Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame. The finale to the culmination of nearly ten years of twenty-two superhero blockbusters. At the time of writing this,  it is less than 75 million dollars away from toppling Avatar as the highest grossing movie of all time. (Avatar you know the movie with the blue people that everyone watched but no one remembers.)

    I basically grew up with these movies. Celebrated the end of my middle school years with the first Iron Man, the end of high school with Marvel’s Avengers, and the true start of adulthood after my college graduation with Black Panther. So you can imagine that I was pretty excited for this movie, right? Wrong. By the time it's preceding movie, Avengers: Infinity War, came out last year I was already experiencing franchise fatigue.

For those who do not know, franchise fatigue is the phenomenon where there are too many movies being released that ties itself to an already established franchise so the audience stops caring. Think of how the Transformers movie series began to decline following the conclusion of the main trilogy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Marvel starts to face similar issues now that Endgame has come and gone.

By the summer of 2018, I’ve already made peace with the fact that Black Panther would be the last Marvel series I’d feel any sort of attachment to. I didn’t even bother to watch Infinity War, and I never will. I wasn’t planning on watching Endgame either. Then my mom called me saying that she is coming down with my step dad and baby brother to visit my sister and I to celebrate me and my sibling’s birthday. (Yes, we are all born in April, my mom is apparently really good at planning.)

Building up to that weekend, I read up on the events of Infinity War so I won’t be entirely lose and tried my best (and ultimately failed) to not be too bitter about Marvel therefore ruining the experience for everyone else. That Saturday I walked into the movie theater expecting little. But when I walked out to the usual mid-afternoon Florida rain, I felt more than the disappointment and annoyance that I was expecting. I felt miserable.

This is not an essay about how, despite being three hours long Endgame felt like a lazy, rushed cash grab. Or about how they fridged Natasha for the pain of her male teammates, and then tried to pull a “Yay! Girl Power!” in a throwaway two minute scene. I will not go on about how it’s first LGBT+ representation in MCU was a nameless random character played by one of the directors, yet still managed to push how the only path to happiness is by living a traditional heteronmorative lifestyle. Or even how Endgame made it blatantly obvious how white, straight, and male the MCU was in the past and still mostly is. No, I am writing this essay to talk about the Asgardian god of thunder, Thor.

There is a five year timeskip, we see how the remaining Avengers are coping with the aftermath of the snap. Then Ant-Man reappears with a plan so they go about reforming the Avengers. Professor Hulk, now an uncanny combination of Hulk and Bruce Banner, and Rocket Racoon go to New Asgard, a small fishing town where the surviving Asgardians live, to recruit Thor who has … changed drastically.

In the span of his movie trilogy and Infinity War, has lost just about everything. His mom in Thor: The Dark World. His father, home, friends, an eye, Mijolnr, and a large majority of his people in Thor: Ragnarok. Then in Infinity War, another lifelong friend, Heimdall, and his last family member, Loki. (Though it looks like 2012 Loki managed to worm his way out of trouble.) I would argue that Thor is one of the characters that has lost the most, so him decapitating Thanos isn’t that surprising in retrospect. Even though it would've been more satisfying for Nebula to deliver the final blow.

It also shouldn’t be surprising that these events hit Thor hard. Thor has secluded himself in a bachelor pad with his alien friends, and grown out his hair and beard. In the past five years, he has seemingly done nothing but drink beer, eat junk food, and play Fortnite. Bluntly put, Thor’s fat. At the mention of Thanos, Thor becomes irritable and upset, and was reluctant to get back to avenging. Decreased energy, weight gain, loss of interest, irritability, and feelings of guilt are all clear signs of depression and anxiety.

But instead of showing any sort of empathy for what Thor has been through the movie treats his weight and mental health like a joke. When Thor first shows up after the time skip, the camera seems to focus on Thor’s stomach, abs now long gone. All of the other characters are shocked, even seeming a bit turned off, by Thor’s weight gain. Snarky characters like Tony Stark and Rocket Racoon were quick to make jokes at Thor’s expense. Even the emotional scene, where Thor has one final moment with his mother and realizes that even after everything he is still worthy, was ruined at the last moment by his mom telling him to eat more salads.

It wasn’t just the writers that are laughing at Thor’s weight, it was also the audience. There was a loud collective “eww...” from the audience whenever the camera focused on Thor’s gut. When Thor donned his classic armor before the big three faced 2012 Thanos, my mom shouted to the screen, “Is he going to lose some weight?”

Throughout all of those scenes I wanted to slide down the tattered theater seats to the perpetually sticky floor, because it might as well have been my shirtless body on the screen. My stomach rolls the audience was laughing at. My own weight my mom was criticizing. My mental health that was treated like a joke.

My weight has been something I’ve been self-conscious of for as long as I can remember. When I was in K-12, I hated shopping for school clothes with my mom because I knew nothing would fit me. I hate going to see friends and family I haven’t seen in a while because I’m worried they would make some sly comment about my weight. Going out in public is even miserable because I’m so paranoid people are judging me.

Simply making the efforts to lose weight will not get rid of these feelings, because mental health is a factor. And my history of depression and anxiety goes as far back as my issues with my weight. The first time I felt so incredibly hopeless to the point where I was having regular suicidal thoughts I was only about ten years old. There have been weeks where I’ve barely had enough energy to get out of my bed. I easily lose my appetite and go days without and go days barely eating anything, and when I do manage to eat I usually puke it out immediately. During those times I lose way too much weight way too quickly and when I finally get my appetite back I can do nothing but eat, gaining all that weight back plus some.

So seeing Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame where a character who is now fat and struggling with their mental health being ridiculed made me feel singled out and miserable. It would be unfair to pick on just Endgame when many movies have done the same thing. Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse is one of my favorite movies from 2018 (and rightfully won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature). The animation was innovative and spectacular. The message of overcoming fear and that anyone can be a hero was inspiring. But it also took some comedic shoots at an older Peter Parker’s weight that he gained after a failing marriage and losing his aunt.

Why is it, in nearly all movies, that just because a character is not the “ideal” weight it grants the writers and the audience the OK to mock them? Why is it that it’s fine to portray the trauma that a character has gone through as a joke? Because it’s not funny. These are serious issues that I deal with it, as do many other movie goers. And I don’t want to sit through a movie where I feel as if my experience is being laughed at. Yes, these characters are fat, yes, they are depressed and there should be no shame in that. But don’t these characters still deserve respect and compassion over cheap jokes? Don’t we all deserve that?

[pixiealtaira]

Dragged Kicking and Screaming  ( 12/ 22)

Title: Dragged Kicking and Screaming  

Or How Burt Hummel Mashed the Hummels and Hudsons Into One Functioning Family.

Characters(s): Kurt, Burt, Carole, Finn, with short appearances by the New Directions guys and various ops who mostly take up space. Rating: PG13     Summary: Somehow the Hummel household and the Hudson household had to come together…

Chapter Nine Chapter Ten

Chapter eleven

12.

“Good. Good. We are making great progress! Let’s see…we’ve covered allowances, groceries, school lunches, hmm…clothes!” Burt checked off his list as he went done it.  “I think we will go with Kurt’s clothing budget. Finn might like this.  I will buy 100 dollars’ worth of pants every other month. That might be one pair of pants or it might be several pairs of pants. If you wear it over your legs it is pants. On months I am not covering pants I will buy 100 dollars’ worth of tops.  It could be one top…shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, hoody…or it could be multiple tops. Undershirts are tops.  Long johns and thermals generally are considered pants, if bought in sets. I do not buy Halloween costumes anymore, save up for what you want or make it yourself. I will buy one ‘Christmas’ outfit in November…that is nice pants, button-up shirt, and a nice sweater of MY choice that are fit to wear to fancy dinners or parties that might come with the holiday season. I cover one swimsuit a year, one jacket a year, one winter coat under 250 every other year unless you outgrow yours, one pair of nice shoes…those could be nice boots, and one pair of gym type shoes, of a reasonable price. I don’t buy really expensive gym shoes. If you think you need those, you buy them yourself.  I do not completely cover uniforms.  I will pay for them, but you will work half of the cost off.  I buy 12 pairs of socks at the beginning of school and for Christmas and we check to see if any are needed for summer, if some are I also buy a pack of socks for summer.  I buy 8 to 10 pairs of underwear at the beginning of school and 4 to 5 pairs, depending on what comes in a pack, at Christmas and at the start of summer. You want more clothing, you pay for it yourself.  IF you don’t use all your clothing money for a month, you can talk me into adding the extra to your post high school account, but only that account. The household will cover half that for me. Carole, if you want to buy clothing from the family account that is the set up for you as well. This will cover plenty of clothing. In fact it can cover way more clothing than anyone really needs.”

“What about work clothes?” Carole asked.

Burt thought for a few moments.  “I buy Kurt’s and mine through the shop.  Doesn’t your job provide a clothing stipend?”

“Well, yeah, but…” Carole said.

“You bring me a list of what extra you need that isn’t covered by what your job gives you for it and we can work something out.”

“I just don’t see how that is fair…”

“Carole, you add just 50 percent of your income to the family account, after taxes and everything.  You have 50 percent to spend on whatever you would like.  As a household we cover kids clothing because one of the things parents do is provide clothing for their kids. The household provides some clothing for us.  You have money to provide beyond that for yourself.”

“I still think it is unfair.” Carole said.

“And I could go back to the lawyer and bank officials who helped set up this family account and have the official documents drop what I put in the family account to only 50 percent as well and make it more fair.” Burt said.  “They said to just come in and change that if I ever decided to since that was our legal agreement and I’m just putting in 70 percent to make family living easier.”

Kurt was taking notes.

“But how does Kurt get all his clothing?”  Finn yelled, slamming his fists on the table.

“I work, Finn.  I have a job.” Kurt answered.  “Actually, more than one.”

“A job?” Finn responded incredulously.

“Yeah, a job. It pays me and I use that money to buy myself stuff.  I also plan and shop sensibly and save and shop around. I often can buy six or seven shirts with the hundred bucks my dad gives me for shirts, one wonderfully awesome month I bought seven pairs of pants with Dad. It was glorious. The money Dad gives for clothing is not a small amount, and definitely not if you are wise.”

“Moving on, we come back to that topic though, so think through if there is really more you want to say. And the topic of jobs will be coming up!” Burt said before anyone could speak more on jobs. “Money wise we still need to cover outings and other items. We covered father and son outings, once a month for each of you boys…under 100 for Finn except twice a year. No spending limit on Kurt for this next year at least, except Kurt…be reasonable.  No big trips.  A father son outing may not be a trip to New York or Disneyland or anything like that.”

“Chicago?”  Kurt asked.

“Maybe, we’d have to see why.”

“One of the big races?” Kurt asked.

“In Ohio?  Yes.  I’ll have to think about others.”

Kurt nodded.

“I am willing to fund two large family outings…family vacations.  One if out of state. None if the whole family isn’t included.  We can discuss smaller family outings.  I might be willing to do several of those, it will be a ‘we will see’ deal.  It will greatly depend on the circumstances of life when the ideas are brought up.”

“What kind of circumstances?” Finn asked.

“If you had good grades, if you were behaving decently, if you hadn’t broken rules for a while, if you had kept up with your chores, those types of circumstances. Family Vacations are a treat, not a necessity.”

Finn tossed his head back and groaned.

“Ok.  Other money items. If you break something around the house, you replace it.  If I have to pay for it, you will work off the cost. I don’t cover your cell phone payments. If you want me to cover your cell phone payment, your cell phone will be a one of those inexpensive little phones you buy and then buy cards to put minutes on it or we will do a monitored family plan.  Do not rent movies on the TV.  If you do you will pay for them.  You may ask and IF I agree I will do the renting of it.  Do not add channels, do not order pay-per-view games. DO NOT ADD to the TV BILL.  If you do, you will be paying the whole of the next month’s TV bill yourself.”

“But..” Finn started.

“No. If you seriously want to watch a game we don’t get, you come and ask.  IF you haven’t asked for a while, I might think about it and say yes. IF you make a habit of asking, I will even get rid of the sports channels I have added.”

Finn nodded.

“We cover all school class fees under 30 bucks, over 30 you cover half your fee.  So, we cover your class fees if you have them for all classes except…what class was that Kurt?”

“Photography had a 35 dollar fee and a 20 dollar rental if you didn’t have your own digital camera. All the other classes are under 30. Oh, except driver’s ed.”

“We will be discussing driver’s ed. in a little bit.” Burt said. “The family account will pay your basic student fee. You pay your sports fees.  I’ll cover your yearbook if you haven’t purchased it already.  The family account covers field trips and bus fees for those.  You pay your own parking fee. Next year for senior year we will cover your senior portraits, cap and gown, 100 graduation announcements, and 75 bucks worth of other graduation stuff. You cover the rest.  You cover dances. The family account covers school pictures, including the spring ones, but only the 30 buck and under packages.  Oh, and the family account will cover 100 dollars of hobby purchases every three months, although I can be talked into upping that amount around Christmas if you sell me a good enough reason and around county fair time if you sell me a good enough reason.  Anything else?  No? If someone thinks about something we can talk about it then.”

“I think we ought to do something the Hudson way.” Carole stated.

“Chores were next on my list,” Burt said.  “Did you want to do chores the Hudson way?”

“Yes!” shouted Finn.

“Not really.” Said Carole. “I’ve been trying to get Finn to do chores for years.”

Burt smiled.  “I do need suggestions on how to split them up and if we want to rotate chores or stick with chores that are just ours.”

“Rotate.” Kurt said.

“Have chores that are just ours,” said Finn. “I will have ‘take out the garbage’ and I’ll only have to do the kitchen when it is full.  That is it.”

“Yeah, no.” Burt said.

“What do you mean, we?” Carole said.

“I mean we.  I realized that I have to do more daily chores around the place or I’ll be screwed when Kurt goes off to college. ALL of us will be getting some chores.”

“But Burt, we work.” Carole said.

“So does Kurt.”

“But…”

“Carole, who did chores at the Hudsons?” Burt asked.

“I did.”

“And you did so while working.”

“Yes.”

“So you can do so here. I am serious about this.  When Kurt was off at Dalton, no one did anything until it was shameful around here.  I was used to it being done. I don’t know what you two’s excuse was. That won’t happen again.  We all get chores.  So Kurt start making some lists.”

Kurt pulled a sheet out of his notebook he was writing in and started a list.

“I figure who ever cooks wipes down the stove and counters when done cooking.  Pots and pans go in with the dishes. Someone needs to set and clear and wash the table.  Someone needs to sweep and vacuum the living areas.  We need the main floor bathroom kept clean, trash picked up, things dusted. Trash taken out and sidewalks kept clear.  Bedrooms and bathrooms kept clean.”

“Hmm….”Kurt said. “When are you checking chores are done, Dad?”

“I always checked at about 10pm before.”

Kurt nodded.

“Should we go back to baskets on the stairwells?”

Burt thought for a moment and nodded.

“Ok.  How does this sound?  One chore list would be pick-up the living room and TV room down stairs and vacuum. The next would be pick-up and vacuum the dining room and set and clear the table.  The third would be keep the bathroom down here tidy and fresh and take out the trash throughout the house except the bedrooms, we take out our own bedroom trash…including taking the bin to the road on pick-up days, this person could also shovel the sidewalk on snowy days or water in summer.  The final list is washing the dishes and put them away and sweep and pick-up the kitchen.  Everyone keeps their bedroom and the other bathrooms clean and if we can’t manage to do that without one person taking the brunt, Finn and I can switch off bathroom days and you and Carole can switch off bathroom days. Everyone makes their own breakfast or you could pay 50 cents if someone wakes up and makes a full breakfast for everyone. You wash your own breakfast and lunch dishes. We can look at other chores like weeding and such come summer to see if they can become weekend chores and maybe have a different pay for those less heavy weekend chores that I’d been doing daily but didn’t necessarily need done daily.”

Finn looked at Kurt. “Like, that doesn’t seem to have too much on any one list.”

“It doesn’t.  IF you keep things picked-up to start with and do things daily it’s not that hard to keep things up.  We’ll go back to baskets, too.  We’ll get laundry baskets and I’ll put our names on them and when you are cleaning your area and you come across someone’s stuff, you put it in the basket.  Then when you go to your room, you pick-up your basket and take it with you, put your stuff away, and then bring back your basket so it can be filled again.”

“You said laundry baskets. What about laundry?”  Finn asked.

“We do our own.” Kurt said firmly.  “I will NOT do your laundry; in fact I prefer only ever seeing MY unmentionables, thank you very much. I do my laundry on Saturdays.  Dad does his on Tuesdays when he had his off hours.  You can pick any other day.  I will teach you how to do this.  This is an important life skill, Finn.  Do you want to go around with pink underwear for half your first year of college because you never learned how to do laundry?”

“Pink underwear?” Finn asked.

“Yes.  Read any blog out there about guys’ first year living without their mom…PINK UNDERWEAR.  Imagine trying to get somewhere with your girlfriend and having to explain that.” Kurt said.

“Is Friday nights good? Like late, so I won’t be having to get home too early? Or would that like be too little time?” Finn asked in a fearful voice.

Kurt looked disdainfully at Finn’s clothing.  “I think we can get your wash done in one evening.  Friday night sounds great.  I’ll buy you a clothing hamper…all your own…for the room.  No charge for teaching you to do laundry or the hamper.”

Burt smiled and Carole looked shocked.

“I’ll take Thursdays,” Carole said quietly.

Kurt smiled and made note in his notebook.  “Did we decide to rotate chores?” Kurt asked.

“I think we will rotate, how does for a whole week sound?”  Burt asked.

Carole nodded and Finn agreed.  “I think I can do most of those without it being too hard.”

Kurt smiled condescendingly at Finn.  “I’m glad.”

“Wait, like…do we have a dishwasher here?”  Finn asked.

Kurt rolled his eyes and wrote more down.  

“Yes, Finn,” Burt said. “We have a dishwasher and I will teach you how to run it.”

[kdfrqqg]

French Perfume Part 16

Crowley x Reader; Sam x Jody Summary: Crowley and the reader go on a double date with Sam and Jody.   A/N: Sorry if this is little Sam and Jody centric. Warnings: language, smut, magic Word Count: 3.6 K Catch up here: French Perfume Series

“Do I look alright?” Sam asked as he emerged from his bedroom.  He tugged at his gray suit sleeve before he adjusted his tie.

“Alright?” You scoffed walking over to inspect him better, “You look delicious.” Your hand ran over his shoulder blades. “If Crowley and I weren’t together then I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to take you in the back and have my way with you, Mr. Winchester.”

He smirked tilting his head as he blushed at your admission “Darling, are you flirting with Samuel before his big date?” Crowley’s voice called out from behind you.

“Ummm maybe.” Your attention was pulled from Sam to Crowley.  He moved with such confidence that always sent a spark to your core.

Crowley fixed his cufflink as you made your way over to him, “You know Darling, if Sammy here strikes out tonight, you can always invite him to one of our little escapades.”

“Dude, thanks but no thanks.” Sam threw up his hands.

You smiled turning your head to Sam, “You’re no fun.”

Both men stood next to each other in almost matching gray suits, they’re height difference made you think of the 80s movie Twins, but your Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger were much much more attractive.  You were truly one lucky woman to have such wonderful eye candy all around you.  

Sam chuckled pulling you from your thoughts, “I still can’t believe you talked me into this. Jody and I are just friends.”

“Come on, man. I didn’t talk you into anything. Last time you were up there, you asked her out and I wasn’t even there to push you.” You remembered, pointing your finger at him.

“Yeah but now I don’t have a good feeling about this.” He contorted his face.

“Oh my God, really!? She’s hot like H-O-T-T hot, strong, and smart so what’s the problem?” You asked back sassing at the sass master.

“I don’t know, our age difference or that I see her as sort of a mom to me and Dean.”

“Well, sorta your mom and is your mom, are two totally different things.  And the age thing, she is only like ten years older than you.”

“Thirteen” Sam interjected.

“What?”

“Jody is thirteen years older than me.”

“Ok then, thirteen. Crowley is hundreds of years older than me but we’re doing great.” You giggled, “Oh and Dean and Cas, they have a huge age gap.”

Sam shook his head with a smile, “Those are not reasonable examples, Crowley and Cas are supernatural creatures, well I guess you are too now.”

“You know what I mean.  Age isn’t that important. Do you like her?” You asked flailing your hand a little.

“Yeah, I like her. I kinda like her a lot.” Sam finally admitted out loud.

“Good, that’s good. I’m glad we got this settled.” You touched Sam’s face.  Ever since your siphon powers presented, all you wanted to do was help people find love.  You and Crowley had overcome so many obstacles and with your help Cas and Dean had got together after all this time.  Hell, you had been on a roll even assisting folks to find love on cases when you could and the young stock boy who liked the adorable cashier at the little grocery store only a few miles from the bunker.  If you ever gave up hunting, matchmaking was definitely going to be your calling.

“My Love, are we ready to go?” Crowley asked. “We shouldn’t keep Miss Mills waiting.”

“Yes, I’m ready.” You grabbed your new purse that Crowley bought you just because it was Tuesday.

“You look gorgeous, my Love.” He whispered, eyeing your beaded dark purple dress that he told you it had reminded him of royalty.

“Thank you.” You kissed his cheek. “Sammy grab on.” Both men took an arm as you transported them both to the sidewalk just outside of Jody’s house.  You all walked up to her doorway and you let Sam ring the doorbell.

Jody flung open the door with a small smile, letting you all into the house. “Sam.” Jody addressed reaching up for a nervous hug and pulled away just looking at everyone.  It was like no one wanted to speak.

“You look really nice.” Crowley chimed in the awkward silence.

“Crowley, thank you. Are we going to have any problems tonight?” Jody questioned.

“Of course not.” Crowley made a little cross of his heart, before he reached into to kiss Jody’s hand. “You are in no danger tonight, Miss Mills. Also I wanted to apologize for my actions the last time I saw you.” Crowley moved away from her.

“I never thought I’d ever get an apology from a demon.” She eyed Crowley.

He chuckled, “As you can imagine, they don’t come easily, so I expect this date night will end very differently than last time.” He raised her eyebrows to her almost flirting but you weren’t worried, he and Jody did have a little history that needed to be hashed out before the evening began.

“You do look very pretty tonight, Jody.” Sam complimented as he leaned down to place a peck on her cheek.

You had never seen Jody blush before as she covered her cheek when he had kissed her. “Uhhh yeah, thank you.” she nodded grabbing your hand, having a quick girl powwow with you away from the men. “What the hell am I doing?”

“You’re going out on a date with an attractive man.” You sassed back.

“Just breathe Jody.” She told herself. “Why the hell am I doing this?” She said loud enough for Sam to hear.

“Something about men always marry their moms” Sam shrugged looking at you, “I don’t know ask her.”

“I need to use the bathroom.” She jerked you up the staircase in a panic to her bathroom.

“We’ll be right back boys, just gotta powder our noses.” You waved to them.

She slammed the door to the bathroom as she leaned the back of her head to door. “(Y/N), really, what the hell am I doing? I’m like old enough to be his mom.”

“You are not. You’re only thirteen years older than him.” You chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” She asked.

“I dunno know maybe because I just had to calm Sam down from his freak out.”

“He freaked out?”

“Yeah, he did. He said the same thing, you two are so similar. I know this is a little scary but it comes down to one thing, do you like Sam?” You asked the same thing to her that you asked to Sam as you placed your hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye.

“I do, I really do. Damn, he looks so good.” Jody sighed.

“Oh yeah he does.  Mama is getting some tonight.” You sing songed making her laugh.

“I don’t know about all that.”

“Don’t make him wait. You two are going to fit like a puzzle piece.” You told her.

Her face had gone fully flushed, she pulled away from you and applied extra power to cover the redness. “I don’t know if I could have done this without, Sweetie. Men don’t normally do this to me but with Sam it’s just different. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I know, you don’t have to explain.  I felt that way with Crowley.  My powers were drawing me towards him but everything else was telling me that I shouldn’t.” You looked at her in the mirror as you took a brush on the counter and ran it through your hair.

“God I haven’t seen you in so long. Sam and Dean said that you got your powers over night. And then you and Crowley are together now.  How are you doing? I mean, how are you handling all of this?” She asked.

“Honestly, we are so good. I’m in love, really I am. I never thought I’d love a demon but I never thought I’d have these kinda powers either.” You formed a few sparks from your left hand.

“Wow that is some juice you got there.” She said impressed by a small parlor trick.

“This isn’t even scratching the surface of what I can do.  Cas said that a full blooded siphon can become a god if left unchecked but since I’m not a full siphon I won’t ever get that strong.” You let the sparks form into a ball of fire. “These powers are great and they come from love.  I can feel love all around me and it fuels me.” You extinguished the fire in your hand.  “So Jody when I say, I think you and Sam are a match, you gotta trust me.”

“I really do trust you.” She muttered.

“Well let’s get back to our dates they are probably wondering what happened to us.”  

Both of you left the bathroom and made your way down the stairs. Sam couldn’t keep his eyes off of Jody’s calves, they were strong, sexy and he noticed a few scars probably old battle wounds much like his own.  You smiled looking down into your boyfriend’s dark gaze.

“Are we ready my ladies?” Crowley bowed slightly to both women.

“Yes, yes we are.” You told him hooking your arm into his.

“My car I guess.” Jody said in a sassy tone, that made Sam smirk.

They all proceeded to the vehicle and drove a short distance to the nicest steakhouse in Sioux Falls; by Crowley’s standards it was sub par but for the three hunters it was actually a swanky restaurant. Crowley walked right up the hostess and gave her a twenty dollar bill even though they had reservations. The young woman smiled and promptly seated everyone at round table located closer to the center of the floor.  

“Please bring us two bottles of your best wine.” Crowley told the waitress.

“The most expensive bottle is $75 dollars.” She replied thinking that would be too much since no one ever bought one let alone two.

He sighed, “Yes, do bring that then.” She walked away to put in the order.

“Dude, don’t you think that is a little much. I mean, I for one would just like a beer.” Sam addressed Crowley.

“You can have a beer too. Call this a little treat on me.  Order whatever you wish.”

“You’re too kind.” You giggled kissing his hand.

“Thanks Crowley.” Sam nervously drank his glass of water.

Four courses past through their lips and Sam devoured his steak like he had never eaten.  Jody sweetly laughed as he ate what she couldn’t finish.  

“Good God, Sam you never eat like this.” You exclaimed.

“Whatever it’s good.” He chewed with his mouth full.

He and Jody were getting along famously but they always did and your heart swelled with pride as you watched the subtle gestures, and quick glances to each other.  Your powers had yet to steer you wrong, and this time it meant more than anything to you to watch two of your closest friends fall in love.  

The two couples walked from the restaurant back to Jody’s car, with all the wine you couldn’t keep your hands off of Crowley. Jody drove somewhere a little more secluded per your suggestion.  As soon as you stopped, you were on top of Crowley almost dry humping him and he forcefully kissed you back closing any space between you as he pulled you on top of him.  Your dress hiked up showing the front passengers a little more skin than they were ever hoping to see from you.

Sam coughed clearing his throat at the heated scene playing out, “oh I’m sorry,” you ran the back of your hand over your mouth wiping away the spital from your face, “it’s just he’s so… and I’m definitely drunk. Baby, why don’t we leave these love birds to it.” Your lips crashed into Crowley’s as you transported yourself and him to his bedroom next to his throne room.

Sam and Jody sat in silence unsure of what to do. Eyes lingered over each other’s lips and hands, they wanted to speak but were frozen to do so.  Wanting to do more than just sit and look at each other in a car in the middle of nowhere, Sam opened his mouth. “Damn Jody, I wanna fuck you so badly.” The words from his brain poured out and he couldn’t stop it.

“Sam!” She almost yelled but then her tone changed. “Thank God, me too. You look so fucking sexy in that suit.  I just want to rip that tie off and…” She slapped a hand over her mouth before she said anything else.

“What the hell is happening?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know. I was thinking it and it just came out. Your eyes are really pretty Sam.”

“Dammit check your pockets, your bag.” He ordered, padding down his jacket. “Fuck, I’m goin’ kill her.” His hand finally found what he is looking for.

“Hex bag.” Jody whispered as he showed her.

Sam pulled out a piece of paper, “That little shit. I can’t believe she did this.”

Jody ripped the paper from his hands and read the note from (Y/N).

Don’t freak out! It’s just a harmless little truth hex to give you a push.  Burn it or not but this way you at least say what you mean.

He looked her in the eye, “Did you really mean that?” All she could do was nod still a little scared of what might come out. “Yeah, you really are gorgeous.  I don’t think I ever really saw it before but damn.” He sucked in his bottom lip as his eyes wandered over her black dress and down her legs. “God, I wanna hop in the back seat and have you ride my cock.”

She wiggled in her seat to the desire in his heart.  “Sam, yes but should we burn this thing first.”

“I don’t know. I kinda like it and it isn’t hurting anyone.” His hand reached to caress her soft face.

Jody’s voice was low sultry, “Yeah, most men never talk that dirty to me.”

“You like dirty talk?” Sam asked ghosting his lips over hers.

“Oh yeah a lot.” She muttered as his lips were firmly placed against her. He captured her lower lip, bringing her whole upper body towards him with his hands.  They pulled away needing to breath after Sam placed bruising kiss on her after brushing kiss.

“So if I said, I wanted to watch you bounce up and down on my cock while you moaned my name, you’d be ok with that?” He spoke low and calmly with lust all through his voice.

“Yeah, definitely.  I wanna feel your huge cock inside me now.”

“Then come here then.” He pulled her on top off him this time she straddled his waist.  His hands reached up under her skirt feeling the warmth of her ass’ skin.

You rubbed massage oil on your King’s back and shoulders relaxing his muscles from the day, he hummed lovingly as a simple smile drew across his face, “I have to say I am very proud of you. Honestly, my Love, I didn’t think you would go through with it.”

“Do you think they will hate me?” You asked kissing the back of his neck.  He was soft and comfortable, you loved the extra inches on his sides but he was firm around his arms and you loved the strength you found in his limbs.  

“No, Darling,” He turned his head glancing at you, “all you did was give them the means to tell the truth. You told me yourself, they would probably just stare at each other longing and wanting but never acting.  You gave them a safe way so they could tell each other the truth.  They will never hate you, how could anyone?”

“I guess, but I still I hope they understand.” Your body rested on top of his.

He turned his whole body underneath yours, his hands grasped the back of your neck dragging you into him with a firm kiss, “I know they will.” He whispered as he drew back, holding you to his chest.  In this minute, if you didn’t have your protection necklace on you knew you would have felt an immense out pour of love through your whole being and you sighed happily that he loved you always.

Sam lowered the front seat and they managed to slip to the back with great speed.  Now having the full back seat in which to play, Jody mounted Sam pulling at his belt and he ripped the sides of her panties. “You still want to ride my cock?”

“Oh yes,” Her eyes sparkled. “I am going to ride you so good, Sam.” She panted before her lips planted a deep kiss on his lips.  He lowered his pants and a underwear as his hard cock sprung to life, the moonlight shown on his manhood and Jody gasped, “I’m going to choke on that later, aren’t I?”

He hummed in agreement, while he unzipped her dress flinging it to the floor.  His hand slipped between her folds, “So fucking wet.” He ran his tongue over the nape of her neck, “When we are in a better position, I’m going to lick that pussy until you’re screaming my name.”

“Sam!” She moaned when his pressed two thick fingers inside her.

“Yes, just like that.” His voice grew dark. “Fuck, I don’t want to wait anymore. I need you to fuck me, please.” He begged.

She liked it that she had that much control over him so she lifted herself spreading her pussy with her fingers as he lined up and she sank down on his cock head.  “You are damn big, Sam!”

“How are you this fucking tight, you’re a mom?” He threw his head back closing his eyes, running his hands down her back.

“Kegels.” She smirked as she bounced up and down on his cock.

“Well shit, I love me some fucking Kegels then.” He smiled back unhooking her bra.  As soon as it was removed, his lips were surrounding her nipple sucking hard.  

The two fucked fast and hard taking everything they needed, releasing any pent up feelings, speaking all the nasty things they wanted to do to one another later. They passed out in the back seat covered only by Sam’s jacket.  

Later, there was a rap on the window waking the sheriff and her hunter as a light shown on both of them.

Jody’s head popped up as she recognized the deputy, “You can’t sleep out here.” He said with little authority.  

She rolled down the window, “Billy, you didn’t see anything here. You hear me.”

“Sheriff?” He asked.

“Yes, and you didn’t see anything, correct?” She asked back covering herself the best she could.

“No, no ma’am. I’m sorry to bother you.” Billy replied.

Sam and Jody just laughed, she hid her face in the nook of his neck. “I can’t believe that just happened. Why don’t we get dressed and head home.”

His lips fit over hers, “That sounds wonderful but first we need to burn this thing.”

Your phone buzzed a little after 11am, the two of you had an incredible night and Crowley’s arm was pinning you to the bed as you scrabbled to get up.  “Baby,” you groaned moving him off of you while you reached for your phone seeing one missed text message.

Sam: can you come get me?

(Y/N): Sure I’ll be there shortly.

“Come back to bed my Love.” He moaned into the pillow not even looking at you.

“I gotta get Sam from Jody’s.” You tried to find your clothes that had been thrown around his bedroom.

“I’ll make it worth your time if you stay.” He rubbed his hardened cock through the ivory silken sheet. “I have some new whips and chains that I thought we could try out.”

You pecked his lips completely tempted to stay for round four, “Baby, I’ll try and get back to you as quickly as possible. I promise.”

The dress was pulled over your head right before you vanished from his bedroom.

“Hey I’m here!” You called out appearing in the front foyer hallway.

“Hey (Y/N/N)!” Claire and Alex called out from the living room couch not even looking back at you.

“Hey girls.” You walked over to them.

“They’re in the kitchen.” Claire pointed and you bit your lip almost hanging your head low.  

“Morning,” you greeted them, Sam and Jody were drinking coffee and sneaking kisses, you stood straight up and smiled brightly because it worked. “I’m guessing you guys aren’t mad at me.”

“Oh no we’re pissed off but we still love you.” Jody told you sternly. “But all is forgiven if you teach me how to make those.”

“You wanna know how to make them?” You asked raising your eyebrow.

“Yeah, Sam says the best shit when we’re…” she cut herself off when Sam gave her a bitch face, “also they’d be great for interrogating people.”

“Awww guys that’s wonderful.” You hugged both of them, overjoyed that they too had found love.  

The girls came in the kitchen, “So, I guess that means we’ll be seeing more of Daddy Sam.” Claire mentioned with a snicker, Alex tried to hide a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s if Jody wants me around.” Sam eyed her a little with a warm smile taking her hand.

“I want you around but my girls come first.”

Sam took her hand, “I know.”

“I’m good, Jodes.” Claire said.

“Me too.  You two look good together and I haven’t seen Mom laugh like that in awhile.” Alex told them.  

Sam kissed Jody and the girls made a face, “I’ll see you next weekend. That is if (Y/N) can drop me off.”

“Yes!” You blurted out, you didn’t mind being Sam’s magical taxi.

“Yeah, next week is good. I’ll even cook.” She grinned pulling Sam back by his tie to kiss him one last time before he left.

I love all the likes and reblogs but I really do want your feedback. Please leave me a comment; let me know what worked or what didn’t. If you hated it let me know what I could do different. It may determine how I write my next fic.

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[douchebagbrainwaves]

FIVE QUESTIONS ABOUT LANGUAGE DESIGN AND BAD ECONOMY

But working on this is not a win, in the sense that your body is happier during a long run than sitting on a sofa eating doughnuts. And they have leverage in that their decisions set the whole company moving in one direction or another. One is that you shouldn't build object-oriented programming in too deeply. What good will more code do you when you're out of business. The larger a group, the closer its average member will be to the average for the population as a whole must be giving people something they want, the more different it gets. A physicist friend recently told me half his department was on Prozac.1 It was no coincidence that the great industrialists of the nineteenth century had so little formal education. Many startups go through a point a few months before they die where although they have a significant amount of money in one family's bank account, or the market wasn't ready yet, b the founders solved the wrong problem. Programming languages are how people talk to computers.

With server-based apps get released as a series of small changes. The ball you need to give someone a present and don't have any money, you don't usually have to invent anything.2 Life in a zoo is easier, but it could not have grown so big so fast. It's very dangerous to morale to start to depend on deals closing, not just because she's shy that she hates bragging. In Web-based software you can use any language you want, there is nothing in spam-of-the-envelope calculations, this one has a high average outcome. A company big enough to acquire startups will be big enough to acquire startups will be big enough to acquire startups will be big enough to acquire startups will be big enough to be fairly conservative, and within the company the people in the mailroom or the personnel department work at one remove from the actual making of stuff. I think you should make users the test, just as we can become smarter, just as a goalkeeper who prevents the other team from scoring is considered to have played a perfect game. Her immense data set and x-ray vision for character.3 And historically the number of new startups being founded in 2003.

For individuals the upshot is the same: aim small. A big company is probably getting a bad deal, because his performance is dragged down by the overall lower performance of the algorithm described in A Plan for Spam I hadn't had any, and I completely agree with him. I would really love to do, at least in our own minds, we have to remember that it's an admirable thing to write great programs, even when this work doesn't translate easily into the conventional intellectual currency of research papers. It could only spread to places that already had a vigorous middle class. A big company is like high fructose corn syrup, and hydrogenated vegetable oil.4 Though the immediate cause of death in a startup tends to be one. In practice, it seemed inevitable that I would eventually have to move from filtering based on single words to an approach like this. But it could be that a lot of new startups being founded in 2003. Near the top is the company run by techno-weenies who are obsessed with solving interesting technical problems, instead of making users happy.

As with the original industrial revolution, some societies are going to be hard to duplicate. Letters, digits, dashes, apostrophes, and dollar signs are constituent characters. Letters, digits, dashes, apostrophes, and dollar signs are constituent characters, and everything else is collapsing around you, having just ten users who love you will keep you going. Here are some of the effect of first class functions, you can be wise without being very wise, you can pick a time when you're not in the middle of Antarctica, where there is nothing in spam-of-the-future, because this is what I expect spam to evolve into: some completely neutral text followed by a url. But ambitious programmers are better off doing their own thing and failing than going to work at a big company, then a lot of maximally interesting tokens, meaning those with probabilities far from. It will always suck to work for some existing company. Ditto at the other end of the spectrum, we'd be the first to see signs of a separation between founders and investors in the Valley. In the earliest stages of a startup, of course.

Watching employees get transformed into founders makes it clear that the difference between the two. Jessica was so important to YC, why don't more people do it? Maybe it's because you haven't made what they want.5 75%. 88, just under the threshold of. That way we can avoid applying rules and standards to intelligence that are really meant for wisdom. Except instead of being at the mercy of investors. If anything, it's more like the small man of Confucius's day, always one bad harvest or ruler away from starvation. And the culture she defined was one of those that exploit an insecure cgi script to send mail to third parties. And yet if you analyzed the contents of the average grocery store you'd probably find these four ingredients accounted for most of the things they're doing is breaking up and misspelling words to prevent filters from recognizing them. For example, though the stock market crash does seem to have regarded wisdom, learning, and intelligence largely from cultivating them. We are all richer for knowing about penicillin, because we're less likely to die from infections.

With server-based. That last sentence is the fatal one.6 If you were dropped at a random point in America today, nearly all the food around you would be bad for you. I think the single biggest problem afflicting large companies is the difficulty of assigning a value to each person's work. If you're not allowed to implement new ideas, you stop having them. If you're in a job that feels safe, you are thereby fairly close to measuring the contributions of individual employees. But large organizations will probably never again play the leading role they did up till the last quarter of the twentieth century.7 When startups came back into fashion, around 2005, investors were starting to hear about byte code, which implies to me at least that if we find more than 15 tokens that only occur in one corpus or the other, we ought to give priority to the ones that occur a lot. Two of the four spams I missed got through because they happened to use words that occur often in my legitimate email. Just write whatever you want, so if there is no way to get rich by creating wealth, as a species, is that you can do whatever he wants. When there is a natural fit between smallness and solving hard problems.

These techniques are mostly orthogonal to Bill's; an optimal solution might incorporate both. Salesmen work alone.8 Partly because I'm a writer, and writers always get disproportionate attention.9 But working on this is not an irrational fear: it really is hard to bear. And in this economy I bet they got a good deal on it.10 If you go to a new set of buildings, and do things that they think aren't good for you. Then at least you can give back the money you have left, and save every penny of your salary. So let me tell you a little about Jessica.11 Your boss is just the intermediate stage—just a shorthand—for whatever people want. A morale boost on that scale is very valuable in a startup tends to be running out of money, and now they'd have to postpone that. Usually a startup is, economically: a way of saying, I want to work a lot harder, and get paid for it.

Notes

That was a kid who had died decades ago. If an investor I don't like content is the accumulator generator benchmark are collected together on their utility function for money. In desperation people reach for the fences in our case, 20th century was also the golden age of economic inequality was really only useful for one another indirectly through the window for years while they may introduce startups they like to cluster together as much as Drew Houston needed Dropbox, or Seattle, consider moving.

When the Air Hits Your Brain, neurosurgeon Frank Vertosick recounts a conversation—maybe not linearly, but nothing else: no friends, TV, go talk to mediocre ones. If early abstract paintings seem more interesting than later ones, and in a startup, but I took so long. And while we might think it was the least VC-like. SpamCop—A Spam Classification Organization Program.

But people like numbers. That makes some rich people move, and then using growth rate has to work for startups to be evidence of a stock is its future earnings, you create wealth with no environmental cost.

For example, the angel round just happened, the apparent misdeeds of corp dev people are trying to decide whether to go all the red counties. It's a lot heavier. I've been told that Microsoft discourages employees from contributing to open-source projects, even if we wanted to than because they actually do, but when people make investment decisions well when they talk about distribution of income, which merchants used to be able to claim retroactively I said yes.

I had a killed portraiture as a constituency. The Nineteenth-Century History of English at Indiana University Publications. This is not to need to go sell the bad groups and they unanimously said yes. Most unusual ambitions fail, most of them had been a good way to explain how you'd figure out what the US is partly a reaction to drugs.

Which is probably 99% cooperation. I said yes. In desperation people reach for the same way a restaurant is constrained in a journal. An accountant might say that YC's most successful ones.

Joe thinks one of them, would be much bigger news, in the body or header lines other than those I mark. For example, the same investor to invest at any valuation the founders don't have to talk about aspects of the next stage tend to become dictator and intimidate the NBA into letting you write has a word meaning how one feels when things are going well, but most neighborhoods successfully resisted them. Which is probably a mistake to believe is that their experience so far the only way to tell how serious potential investors and they begin by having an associate.

Globally the trend has been rewritten to suit present fashions.

See Greenspun's Tenth Rule.

Bill Yerazunis. This was made a million dollars out of a social network for x. If you wanted to invest at any valuation the founders of Hewlett Packard said it first, and it has about the smaller investments you raise them.

The undergraduate curriculum or trivium whence trivial consisted of three stakes.

[boredzoomerpire]

Found a nice ask meme on questionslisting, good.

Get to know me

1. Name: Lucian Michaelis

2. Age: 21

3. City that you live in: Won't say the city, but it's California.

4. What do most people not know about you? I'm not American by birth. Oh yeah, also the vampire thing. But I figure more people know that, bizarre as that is to think about.

5. What do most people know you for? I dunno. Being the baby-faced guy with two cats who doesn't go out in the sun. You'd have to ask my neighbors.

6. Hobbies: Gaming, writing, reading, singing. Dancing, somewhat.

7. What are your passions? Writing poetry and tending to cats. Music in general.

8. What do you search for in a significant other? A big heart and a sweet smile. Nice figure would be a plus, but ah well.

7. What are you most proud of? My poetry.

8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love? I spent hours talking to my cats last night. Unless you mean love in *that* sense. Forgot that one.

9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it? I collect video games.

10. List 10 things off of your bucket list. See the Taj Mahal and the Pyramids, write dialog for a video game, find the love of my life, find a way to eat something again, can't think of more.

11. What was the last thing you learned? How to post something on this blasted website.

12. How many relationships have you been in? Three.

13. Turn ons: Bright eyes, sweet smile, sense of humor, so on.

14. Turn offs: An empty cranium or an empty conscience.

15. Favorite food: none

16. Favorite drink: take a guess.

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received? A puppet show

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Quite optimistic.

19. Do you sleep during class? Yes.

20. What is the most expensive thing you own? My computer. I pieced it together, but it can't be less than a few grand.

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? Old flip phone. Worthless now, but it still works well and so I can keep an Italian number so my grandparents in Europe can call.

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone? A lot.

23. Text or call? Text.

24. Opinion on long distance? Not sure.

25. What is your definition of success? Being happy to wake up.

26. Favorite song? Too many to list

27. Favorite artist? Possibly Abney Park, not sure though.

28. Celebrity crush/crushes? None.

29. When was the last time you read for fun? Today.

30. Favorite flower? Peonies and roses.

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now? A car. My Honda is as old as I am.

32. Any guilty pleasures? Corny pop songs.

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself? I'd love to look slightly less like a kid.

34. What do you search for in a friend? I dunno. What happens happens.

35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month? Didn't keep count.

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home? Work.

37. Why do bad things happen to good people? Destiny has no morals.

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye? I can probably regenerate my eye better than my heart.

39. How many green shirts do you own? None. Green isn't my cup of tea.

40. Do you like anime? Sorta.

41. What do you invest the most time in? Gaming.

42. What was the name of the last book you read? The Book Thief. Brilliant.

43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone? You like someone's superficial manners and appearance, and love someone's flaws.

44. Where are you most productive? At my desk with some music in my ears.

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends. Talking, drinking tea, gaming.

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone. Reading, listening to music, gaming.

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist? Sure, when everyone's either dead or too tired of this shit.

48. Do you have any allergies? I used to be allergic to mosquitoes. No really. It wasn't fun. Oh yeah, and wasps.

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone? I cussed at Diane a couple hours ago. Coffins aren't scratching posts. Neither are arms

50. What was the last promise you made? I promised a friend I'd babysit their dog.

51. What was your last dream about? Waking up in a morgue. Fuck that nightmare.

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be? Not sure.

53. How many countries have you visited? Italy, the United States, Scotland--that makes 3.

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.) Writing.

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you? Yesterday Tommy said my outfit looked nice.

56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself? I'm the one with the over the top sense of style.

57. Do you consider yourself mature? No.

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr? None. Yet.

59. What is your favorite quote? None in particular.

60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be? Don't hurt cats, don't be an ass, gift me an article of clothing at least once.

61. What is your greatest accomplishment? Getting Diane to tolerate Sardine.

62. Do you believe in the death penalty? Not really.

63. What are your goals for life? To find love and travel the Earth

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now? Not even sure I am

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world. | Not sure, truth be told. Possibly Vivec City from The Elder Scrolls. Dunno why, it seems cool.

66. What were you like in 2013? 8 years ago... oh god, I was a 13-year-old. 8th grade. Detentions on the daily, my stupid eggy ass saw confrontation as the "MaNlY" thing to do. Fucking hell, why did you have to dig that up? Nobody deserves to hear tales of stupid little boy Lucian.

67. Do you have a job? Yep. Graveyard shift at the nearby pharmacy. Dull, but I've got to have it.

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend. Ah yes, guy named Tommy. He's trying to break into acting now and starting to see some results. When we were kids, he and his sister staged a whole-ass puppet show for my birthday. Didn't tell me. I smile to this day when I think about it

69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be? Making people more open-minded, that's for sure.

70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before? ...I've been pulling all-nighters every day for months now.

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website? Spotify does it for my favorite website. Lots of music.

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? I don't much care for a million dollars. So long as I can pay rent and packs, I'm fine.

73. Does money equal happiness? Nah. I'm about ten times happier now scraping by than I was when I lived with my family and had all the money in the world.

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime? Often, but I don't really keep count.

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime? I haven't kept count of that either. Often. I'm an emotional guy.

76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told? An Italian joke about the Last Supper.

77. When was the last time you looked at the news? This morning. Yay on the US being first in the medal rankings of the Olympics. Slightly less yay on Italy being 10th

78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say? "Good afternoon!" Everything past that sounds like too much of a hassle.

79. What is your favorite animal? Cats and bats.

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it? Ask someone who isn't dead.

81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at? Dunno.

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? I used to sleep pretty regularly, midnight to seven or eleven to six. The vampire thing isn't helping my sleep schedule any, though. I'm awake past 3 PM, and don't usually get over 5 hours of sleep.

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity? Nah, I've met some old idiots.

84. What is your favorite clothing store? There's a little clothing shop near where I live. I'd never wanna leave.

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves? Don't know, can't feel the cold (though contrary to popular belief, it gets cold in California)

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail? A fish tail. People weren't made to fly. Says the one who *can* fly, but I don't like it.

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it? I don't know, I don't think I care enough.

88. What do you fear the most? Destruction.

89. How many digits of pi can you recite? 3.14. Yep, that's it.

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be? 2019, probably. No pandemic, stuff in my life started falling into place...

91. Describe yourself in one word. Restless

92. Describe your last victory. I beat a friend of mine at Pokemon Platinum. Nobody expects bug types.

93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen? I've seen a few. Couple UFOs.

94. What is something you will never forget? The stars. Shit, the stars. You simply don't forget the first time you see them with eyes like mine.

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail? I've already got a treasonous overly-vivid memory. Wouldn't trade it for forgetfulness.

96. Have you ever broken a bone before? Well, yes, I think I broke my arm a few weeks ago. Not entirely sure because I can't exactly go to a doctor, but pretty sure. I can say this: regenerating bone sucks even with a regenerating power.

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody? Meh. I tend to keep it to "like" and "dislike".

98. Coffee or tea? Tea's tastier, but coffee's more effective.

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way? Funnily enough, lately I've definitely decided to work on my life. I've been taking care to brush my hair more, and to enjoy the small things more.

100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today? Hell if I know.

[fox-bright]

#that is glorious!! #I wish I could get into quilting #unfortunately I lack the funds and the patience

This one was actually a really easy quilt to make! It only took me so long because I had so much else going on (I perform as a Chinese lion dancer in the local show of The Nutcracker, I got married a couple of weeks ago, et cetera). This quilt is entirely made of triangles, called "hst" or half-square triangles, sewn together along their long end. You can produce these blocks in a handful of different ways; I did two-at-a-time but you can do them as singles or even four at a time, depending on the seams you make. They're very, very simple to produce.

The thing about an hst block quilt is that it's like a kaleidoscope; the way you turn the squares changes how it looks entirely.

Examples, taken from various quilted blogs (each of the squares in these quilts is half patterned, half white, where mine in the first photo above were half black and half a bright color):

(photos from auntiemscrafts.com, annemariechany.com , and jaimecostiglio.com .)

Here's a link to a bunch of other hst blocks, too: https://coffeeandmaking.co.uk/2019/06/21/half-square-triangles-the-most-versatile-quilt-block/

So these definitely let you quilt on easy mode! You can work up something that looks really complicated just by turning the pieces around.

Patience...well, it depends on which direction. If it's "I don't have the patience to wait for a quilt to be done, it takes foreeeeverrrrr," that's valid--quilts like this one work up relatively quite fast, so it might be a good place to start. If it's "I don't have the patience to sit at the sewing machine for ten hours in a row," the fun thing about ones like this is you can work up a block or two at a time and then leave it alone for however long you feel like, and the piece as a whole won't suffer.

I totally sympathize on the money, though. I'll stick two more photo in here--this is the first quilt I ever did on my own, a decade ago:

Sorry that they're not really quilt photos so much as "look how fucking clean my room is" photos, and that they are potato-quality, I didn't have a smartphone back then. But they give you an idea, more or less. I made that quilt out of squares I cut from precuts called "fat quarters, which are 18x21 inch pieces of fabric you can get for a buck or two. They go on sale periodically at JoAnn Fabrics for a dollar or so, these days I think they're usually about 2.50 a piece.

I got the filling, called "batting," on 75% off sale for about five dollars. Sales that steep will usually be cheaper, but I wanted the extra-extra thick stuff because that attic, there? Not really insulated. Most of the furniture in that room was scavenged from the street on Big Trash nights, the books were mostly library discards...you get the idea of how I was living, then.

And then I backed it with a pair of dollar-store fleecy blankets, but there are a lot of ways to make a cheap backing.

Basically I took six months of one-dollar and two-dollar purchases here and there, and when I had enough for the size I needed, I cut them into the right sizes and stitched them all together. There are a LOT of flaws in this quilt--and I ended up pulling the quilt sandwich apart and redoing it, this year, quilting it instead of ribbon-tying it, putting a new backing on, but before I had to do that, I slept under it for nine years! It's been washed dozens of times, and even with the cheapest possible fabric it kept me warm in cold times.

It makes me...how to phrase it.

@seththemusehub 's concerns are valid and 100% understandable. Quilting has in the last few decades become the pastime of women who are wealthy in leisure and funding, who make hand-dyed, exquisitely pieced, longarm quilted works of art that end up on magazine covers and maybe sold for a couple of thousand dollars. And that *is* quilting, and I won't talk shit about them, but the thing is that that is not all that quilting is. It's not what quilting was MADE FOR, any more than Michaelangelo was a house painter.

The art form started with women taking clothing that couldn't be mended anymore, and saving aside the pieces they could clip that still didn't have holes, and still weren't thin enough to see through, and then sewing those pieces together in pleasing fashions to make something that would keep their children warm.

Quilting was FOR people with next-to-no money, people with next-to-no time in the day, people who would sit around by the light of the lamp and work on the thing little by little. People who would get together with all the other women of the neighborhood and set up one quilt after another on a frame so that everyone's year's worth of work could be quilted or tied one after another, and everyone would go home with a quilt her friends and relatives had helped her finish.

I feel pretty passionate about this, I have to admit. But there's just something so tremendously human about taking scraps of pretty things and making them into something that is not only lovely, but that you can crawl into on a cold day, or when you're sick, or when you're just so tired and achy, and feel around you like an embrace.

And I absolutely hate the idea that our curse of Having No Money should mean we're denied this human thing that was made for us. If you want to do it, you can do it. I'd be VERY glad to go into ridiculous depth about how to source bits and scraps, what to look for, what to do. You--whoever you are, reading this--deserve to have this thing, if this is a thing that you want.

Now all that's left on this baby blanket is the binding! Finally.

[aamilkeeyankhan]

STORY STRUCTURE: The 5 Key Turning Points of All Successful Screenplays

Hollywood movies are simple.

Though writing a successful Hollywood movie is certainly not easy, the stories for mainstream Hollywood films are all built on only three basic components: character, desire and conflict.

Film stories portray heroes who face seemingly insurmountable obstacles as they pursue compelling objectives. Whether it’s Clarice Starling trying to stop Hannibal, Captain Miller Saving Private Ryan, or Billy Elliott trying to gain admission to a ballet school, all these protagonists confront overwhelming conflict in their pursuit of some visible goal.

Plot structure simply determines the sequence of events that lead the hero toward this objective. And here’s the good news: whether you’re writing romantic comedies, suspense thrillers, historical dramas or big budget science fiction, all successful Hollywood movies follow the same basic structure.

Even if you are a novelist, speaker, marketer or attorney, understanding these turning points, and incorporating them into your stories, will strengthen your ability to enthrall your reader or audience.

In a properly structured movie, the story consists of six basic stages, which are defined by five key turning points in the plot. Not only are these turning points always the same; they always occupy the same positions in the story. So what happens at the 25% point of a 90-minute comedy will be identical to what happens at the same percentage of a three-hour epic. (These percentages apply both to the running time of the film and the pages of your screenplay.)

In the explanation that follows, I want to take two recent blockbusters through this entire structural process: Susannah Grant’s screenplay for Erin Brockovich; and Gladiator, written by David H. Franzoni, John Logan and William Nicholson. As different as these two films are in style, genre, length and subject matter, both have made more than a hundred million dollars at the box office, both were among the most critically acclaimed films of 2000, and both employ the same basic plot structure.

STAGE I: The Setup

Erin Brockovich: Erin is a broke, unemployed single mother who can’t find a job, gets hit by a car, and loses her lawsuit.

Gladiator: Maximus, Rome’s most powerful, and most popular, general, leads his troops to victory in their final battle.

The opening 10% of your screenplay must draw the reader, and the audience, into the initial setting of the story, must reveal the everyday life your hero has been living, and must establish identification with your hero by making her sympathetic, threatened, likable, funny and/or powerful.

Cast Away transports us into the world of a FedEx executive, shows him as likable and good at his job, and creates sympathy and worry when he must leave the woman he loves at Christmas to fly off in dangerous weather. Or think of Lowell Bergman’s mysterious, threatening pursuit of a story at the beginning of The Insider. These setups pull us out of our own existence and into the captivating world the screenwriter has created.

TURNING POINT #1: The Opportunity (10%)

Erin Brockovich: Erin forces Ed Masry to give her a job.



Gladiator: Maximus is offered a reward by Emperor Marcus Aurelius, and he says he wants to go home.

Ten percent of the way into your screenplay, your hero must be presented with an opportunity, which will create a new, visible desire, and will start the character on her journey. This is the point where Neo is taken to meet Morpheus and wants to learn about The Matrix, or where Ike gets fired and wants to go meet the Runaway Bride.

Notice that the desire created by the opportunity is not the specific goal that defines your story concept, but rather a desire to move into…

STAGE 2: The New Situation

Erin Brockovich: Erin begins working for Ed Masry’s law firm, meets her neighbor George, and starts investigating a case in Hinkley, California, but then gets fired

Gladiator: Maximus is asked by the dying Emperor to take control of Rome and give it back to the people, in spite of the ambition of his son Commodus.

For the next 15% of the story, your hero will react to the new situation that resulted from the opportunity. He gets acclimated to the new surroundings, tries to figure out what’s going on, or formulates a specific plan for accomplishing his overall goal: Fletcher has to figure out that he’s been cursed to tell the truth in Liar, Liar; and Mrs. Doubtfire devises a plan for seeing (his) children.

Very often story structure follows geography, as the opportunity takes your hero to a new location: boarding the cruise ships in Titanic and The Talented Mr. Ripley; going to Cincinnati to bury his father in Rain Man; the President taking off on Air Force One.

In most movies, the hero enters this new situation willingly, often with a feeling of excitement and anticipation, or at least believing that the new problem he faces can be easily solved. But as the conflict starts to build, he begins to realize he’s up against far greater obstacles than he realized, until finally he comes to…

TURNING POINT #2: The Change of Plans (25%)

Erin Brockovich: Erin gets rehired to help win a suit against PG&E.

Gladiator: Maximus, after learning that Commodus has murdered his father, vows to stop the new emperor and carry out Marcus Aurelius’ wishes.

Something must happen to your hero one-fourth of the way through your screenplay that will transform the original desire into a specific, visible goal with a clearly defined end point. This is the scene where your story concept is defined, and your hero’s outer motivation is revealed.

Outer motivation is my term for the visible finish line the audience is rooting for your hero to achieve by the end of the film. It is here that Tess discovers that Katherine has stolen her idea in Working Girl, and now wants to close the deal herself by posing as a broker. This is what we’re rooting for Tess to do, and we know that when she’s accomplished this goal (or failed to), the movie will be over.

Please don’t confuse outer motivation with the inner journey your hero takes. Because much of what we respond to emotionally grows out of the hero’s longings, wounds, fears, courage and growth, we often focus on these elements as we develop our stories. But these invisible character components can emerge effectively only if they grow out of a simple, visible desire.

STAGE III: Progress

Erin Brockovich: Erin gets some Hinkley residents to hire Ed to represent them, and gets romantically involved with George.

Gladiator: Maximus is taken to be killed, escapes to find his family murdered, and is captured and sold to Proximo, who makes him a powerful gladiator.

For the next 25% of your story, your hero’s plan seems to be working as he takes action to achieve his goal: Ethan Hunt begins closing in on the villain in Mission: Impossible 2; Pat gets involved with the woman of his dreams in There’s Something About Mary.

This is not to say that this stage is without conflict. But whatever obstacles your hero faces, he is able to avoid or overcome them as he approaches…

TURNING POINT #3: The Point of No Return (50%)

Erin Brockovich: Erin and Ed file the lawsuit, risking dismissal by the judge, which would destroy any hope of a settlement.

Gladiator: Maximus arrives in Rome, determined to win the crowd as a Gladiator so he can destroy Commodus.

At the exact midpoint of your screenplay, your hero must fully commit to her goal. Up to this point, she had the option of turning back, giving up on her plan, and returning to the life she was living at the beginning of the film. But now your hero must burn her bridges behind her and put both feet in. (And never let it be said that I can’t work two hackneyed metaphors into the same sentence).

It is at precisely this moment that Truman crosses the bridge in The Truman Show, and that Rose makes love with Jack in Titanic. They are taking a much bigger risk than at any previous time in these films. And as a result of passing this point of no return, they must now face…

STAGE IV: Complications and Higher Stakes

Erin Brockovich: Erin sees less of George and her kids, while Ed brings in a big firm that alienates the Hinkley plaintiffs.

Gladiator: Maximus becomes a hero to the Roman people and reveals his true identity to Commodus.

For the next 25% of your story, achieving the visible goal becomes far more difficult, and your hero has much more to lose if he fails. After Mitch McDeere begins collecting evidence against The Firm at that movie’s midpoint, he now must hide what he’s doing from both the mob and the FBI (complications), and failure will result in either prison or death (higher stakes).

This conflict continues to build until, just as it seems that success is within your hero’s grasp, he suffers…

TURNING POINT #4: The Major Setback (75%)

Erin Brockovich: Most of the plaintiffs withdraw due to the bungled efforts of the new lawyers, and George leaves Erin.

Gladiator: Maximus refuses to help the leader of the Senate, and Commodus plots to destroy both Maximus and the Senate.

Around page 90 of your screenplay, something must happen to your hero that makes it seem to the audience that all is lost: Carol dumps Melvin in As Good As It Gets; Morpheus is captured in The Matrix. If you’re writing a romantic comedy like Working Girl or What Women Want, this is the point where your hero’s deception is revealed and the lovers break up.

These disastrous events leave your hero with only one option: he must make one, last, all-or-nothing, do-or-die effort as he enters…

STAGE V: The Final Push

Erin Brockovich: Erin must rally the Hinkley families to agree to binding arbitration, and find evidence incriminating the PG&E corporate office.

Gladiator: Maximus conspires to escape from Proximo and lead his former troops against Commodus.

Beaten and battered, your hero must now risk everything she has, and give every ounce of strength and courage she possesses, to achieve her ultimate goal: Thelma & Louise must outrun the FBI to reach the border; and the Kennedy’s must attempt one final negotiation with the Soviets in 13 Days.

During this stage of your script, the conflict is overwhelming, the pace has accelerated, and everything works against your hero, until she reaches…

TURNING POINT #5: The Climax (90-99%)

Erin Brockovich: Erin and Ed win a $330 million dollar settlement, and George returns.

Gladiator: Maximus has his final battle with Commodus in the arena.

Several things must occur at the climax of the film: the hero must face the biggest obstacle of the entire story; she must determine her own fate; and the outer motivation must be resolved once and for all. This is the big moment where our heroes go into the Twister and the Jewish factory workers make their escape in Schindler’s List.

Notice that the climax can occur anywhere from the 90% point to the last couple minutes of the movie. The exact placement will be determined by the amount of time you need for…

STAGE VI: The Aftermath

Erin Brockovich: Erin gets a $2 million bonus, and continues working with Ed.

Gladiator: Maximus is united with his family in death, and his body carried away in honor by the new leaders of the Roman republic.

No movie ends precisely with the resolution of the hero’s objective. You have to reveal the new life your hero is living now that he’s completed his journey.

In movies like Rocky, Thelma & Louise and The Truman Show, there is little to show or explain, and the writer’s goal is to leave the audience stunned or elated. So the climax occurs near the very end of the film. But in most romantic comedies, mysteries and dramas, the aftermath will include the final five or ten pages of the script.

Understanding these stages and turning points provides you with a powerful tool for developing and writing your screenplay. Is your story concept defined at the one-quarter mark? Is your hero’s goal truly visible, with a clearly implied outcome and not just an inner desire for success, acceptance or self worth? Have you fully introduced your hero before presenting her with an opportunity around page 10? Does she suffer a major setback 75% of the way into your script?

But a word of caution: don’t let all these percentages block your creativity. Structure is an effective template for rewriting and strengthening the emotional impact of your story. But you don’t want to be imprisoned by it. Come up with characters you love and a story that ignites your passion. Then apply these structural principles, to ensure that your screenplay will powerfully touch the widest possible audience.