#i have such a big crush on his sam holy shit

[reikunrei]

fuck im so sorry but i’ve really got my brain hooked on mike/will sam/frodo parallels and it will not let go

thinking of the samewise the brave/the tales that really mattered speech and like..... makes me think of the possibility of getting a mike monologue aimed at will like how we got a will monologue in the van.......

and just.... im foaming at the mouth over like. maybe will is super exhausted or hurt or losing hope or something, and he turns to mike for comfort, or mike sees that will needs help, and he pours his heart out to him

will said that mike makes him feel like he isn’t a mistake. mike is the one that gives will the strength to be himself, because he’s allowed to be himself around mike. along with his mom and brother never forcing him to conform, his best friend makes him feel safe enough to be as open as he can, to be unabashed in his desires (even if that desire is simply to play a game of dnd). mike doesn’t judge will for who he is, and will knows that

and i think that finally in s5, mike will understand that will makes him feel the exact same way, and he’ll think he’s so stupid for having tried to ever be someone else, to conform to the image of Cool Mike he’s crafted in his mind, when will has loved him all this time for exactly who he is. he’ll look at will, being so willing to be himself with all of his flaws and secrets, even if they’re scary, and all because mike never judged him for being different. and mike rekindles that hope in will because, just like how mike makes will strong, will makes mike strong. and he can try to be strong for will all over again

the world is dark, they’re in danger and haven’t been out of danger for 3+ years, and it looks like there might not even be a happy ending. but they can’t turn back now, because there’s some good, some love, in this world that’s worth fighting for

[witchofhistory]

A Snippet From A Story I May Never Finish

"Star Light, Star Bright, First Star I See Tonight"

Summary/Context: Duke, Sam and Danny are friends from college. Sam and Duke are forced to go to a gala by their perspective families and decide the best way to survive it is to have Danny come with them. Danny is currently "hosting" Dani's core because she became unstable. AND GO!

Duke was fidgeting. The worst part about it was that he knew what he was doing, how obvious he was being with his nerves, but he couldn't make himself stop. Bat training couldn't save him from having to look at the boy he had a crush on all dressed up for a gala in a suit and makeup and oh god he was going to actually die. 

“Breathe,” he said to himself quietly. He’d dressed in a maroon suit that Alfred suggested, since he was the only one in the family he’d take fashion advice from. Tim was a skater boy who would wear converse everywhere if allowed, Dick’s Discowing era spoke for itself, Steph liked to have fun with her fashion, and Cass liked to be comfortable. 

He shuddered to think what would have happened if he let Jason dress him. He’d look like the cover of a cheesy romance novel, open white shirt and all. 

The door to their apartment building opened to reveal Sam in what was the most color Duke had ever seen her in. Her dress was a fitted black number with light purple accents and big sleeves. She seemed to glide instead of walk, but maybe that was just how form fitting it was. “You like?” She twirled a little and Duke was surprised to see flats under her dress. 

“You look beautiful. It's almost like you’ve done this before,” he joked. 

Sam’s smile turned predatory. “Oh, you haven't seen nothing yet. Danny is just touching up his hair.” 

Speak of the…Duke’s brain short circuited before he could finish the thought. His mouth went dry and his hands started to sweat because he couldn't stop looking. He must have been so obvious but holy shit. 

Danny grinned cheekily, when had he gotten that close?, the light reflecting off the glittery star’s he’d laid over his freckles and the chrome eyeshadow he wore. “I see someone is star-struck,” he joked. Sam groaned at the pun, but it wasn't too far off. Danny liked to play with clothing and gender sometimes and Duke was so glad tonight was one of them. He’d gone for basic black dress pants but his shirt was made of thick black lace embroidered with small jewels, making his torso look like the night sky. Danny had completed his starry look with a series of earrings that dangled over his shoulder. 

“You two make me feel underdressed.” 

Danny’s grin softened into a real smile. “Don't worry, you look great. I know I'm going to get a lot of stares, so why not give them something to look at?” 

Duke wasn't normally the possessive type, but in that moment he desperately wanted to bundle Danny up until no one would be able to see him. People would be looking at Danny tonight and that made something ugly twist in his stomach. “You look beautiful. Is that okay to say?” 

Danny's cheeks pinked dramatically and he waved a hand between them. “It's fine, um, I like it?” He looked at Sam who was clearly laughing at them. “Oh, shut up.” 

“You look beautiful too, Sam. I love your dress.” 

“Thank you,” she said through her giggles. “I'm so glad we invited Danny to this thing, it’ll be a riot.” 

“I said shut up,” Danny whined and put his face in his hands. “I hate you.” 

“I know, that's why we broke up. Because you couldn't stand me anymore.” 

“No, we broke up because I realized I was gay and you decided you didn't want a romantic relationship anyway.” 

“Ah, yes, that's why you ended up cuddling with Tucker so much.” 

Danny honestly looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to die or kill Sam more. “I take it back, we broke up because I hate you and don't want to be near you anymore.” 

Duke barely let himself have the thought before offering Danny his arm, which thankfully the other boy took. “I’ll protect you from the evil goth.” 

Danny tilted his head and peered up at him through his lashes. “Who says she's the evil one?” 

Fuck. 

Duke rolled his eyes at his brother and looked back at his friends, hoping to catch one of their eyes so he could make a face. Not that Dick would truly be offended, but it was one way to entertain themselves. “Hold on,” he said when he saw Mr. Masters walking over to them and how tense they got. 

“What is it?” Dick’s voice dropped his teasing tone and he started looking around. 

Duke didn't respond and started moving closer, taking up a position next to the food so he could eavesdrop without tipping off Masters. Sam shook her head at him, so he didn't think he'd need to intervene, but at least he was there. 

“-Little Badger, how is the little bug?” Even Masters’ voice was slimy and set off all of Duke's instincts. “I haven't heard from you since you left.” 

“That's none of your business, Vlad,” Danny said. His voice was full of protective venom and a quick glance revealed that he was angling himself away from Masters and had a hand on his stomach. Did Masters know about the baby? 

“I helped make her so yes, it is my business.” 

Did he just—? 

“You forced her on me,” Danny hissed and Duke swore he saw red. His fists clenched as he tried to breathe through his nose, fully turning and giving up on the illusion. “You don't get to just waltz over her like you're anything more than a fruit loop.” He looked like he was ready for a fight, hands clenched and anger burning in his eyes, but his voice was trembling. 

Sam stepped closer to him for support and Danny actually seemed to lean on her. Like he needed someone there. 

“Come now, Daniel, don't be like that. How will you take care of her by yourself?” Masters stepped more into Danny’s space, looking down on him with something resembling a smile. He reached up and touched Danny's hair. “You have no job, you have school, and I doubt Samantha’s parents will help you when they hear about it. You need me.” 

There were very few rules when it came to galas, mostly that they try not to cause a scene that will ruin Wayne Industries and that if they have to punch someone, make it count. So when Duke shoved his way between Danny and the creep that was touching him, that it sounded like—that—, he made his punch count. 

Masters slammed into the floor, catching someone's foot on the way down and making them stumble. He was already holding his jaw and his eyes almost looked red in the light from how angry he was. 

Duke didn't even give him time to speak, stepping closer to more easily block Danny from view. Sam had already pulled him into a hug, so Duke could be the bodyguard. “Get. Out.” 

Masters practically growled in anger, sitting up a bit as he poked at his jaw, the bruise forming slowly and Duke was proud to see it would be horrible. “Excuse me. Who do you think you are? What is the meaning of this? Where is security?” 

Duke could see Bruce already pushing through the crowd with his worried face on but all that mattered was the hand that fisted in his shirt, the huff of breath and the press of a body behind him. Danny. “I said what I said.” 

“Duke? What's going on?” Bruce seemed lost and half slipped into his Batman voice, turning the questions into “report” without meaning to. 

Duke liked to keep up the illusion that he was the normal one, the good child that didn't cause unnecessary issues, but he would burn the world if it meant Danny would stop trembling right then.  “Who I am doesn't matter, what matters is that you were harassing my friend and you will never get near him again.”

Bruce asked again. “Duke?” 

He ignored him. Instead, he turned around until he could wrap his arms around Danny and check over his face. Pale, shaking, and probably half a second away from a panic attack. “I’ll explain later, Bruce, we're leaving.” 

“You assaulted me!” Masters cried as his shoes scuffed on the floor, probably trying to stand. “I’ll have you arrested.” 

Sam opened her mouth, looking ready to spit fire at the man, but it was Danny who spoke. Quietly, and broken, but still. “Drop it, Vlad. Please.” 

The world froze for a second before there was a sigh. “As you wish, Little Badger. We can talk about the company you keep later.” 

Duke forced himself not to react as he tucked Danny more security under his arm, letting Sam trail behind them as he got them through the mess of gala attendees. Apparently his face was threatening enough that the crowd pretty much parted around them as they moved, or maybe they just knew it wasn't worth getting in the way of a determined Wayne. 

“Should I run ahead a grab a car?” Sam asked quietly, her eyes never leaving the doors to the hall. 

“It's fine,” Duke assured her. “Alfred will probably be waiting for us at the door. Can you get our jackets?” 

She nodded sharply and moved ahead to the coat check while he glanced down at Danny. Most of what he could see was dark hair since he’d pressed his entire face into Duke's chest, trusting him to guide them, but the hands gripping his shirt weren't so tight anymore now that they were away from Masters. 

“Danny? Can you let go for a second so we can get your jacket on?” 

There was a crackling noise and Duke thought he might be trying to talk, but Danny just nodded. He dropped his arms, but since Sam wasn't back quiet yet, Duke grabbed the hand he could reach and held it. 

“I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.” Duke wasn't sure if Danny was able to hear him right now, but he knew someone talking usually helped when he was having an attack. “I understand if you don't want to come to galas with us anymore, but if you do I will personally make sure he isn't invited or allowed in to any you go to. Though if he does show up, I’ll probably go full bodyguard for you again and I really wish I could have punched him again.” 

Danny snorted. “My hero,” he said and if it wasn't for the laughter, Duke would think it was sincere. 

Either way, Duke felt his face heat up and was glad his coloring meant it wasn't noticeable. It got worse when Danny started playing with the hand that Duke had been holding his with, almost massaging it. It felt nice, and helped relieve some of the tension that was lingering from the punch. 

A cleared throat broke them out of the moment as Sam came back with their jackets. “I saw what I assume is Mr. Wayne's car pull up outside. We're good to go.” 

“The cops aren't going to arrest Duke, are they?” Danny pulled away enough to be able to put on his jacket and barely left him enough time for Duke to put on his own before sliding back under his arm. “I mean, Vlad won't press charges if I ask him not to.”

“Don't worry about it, starlight, Bruce can take care of it. I don't like the idea of you talking to him again.” 

Danny stared at him and for a second, Duke thought he did something wrong before Danny's whole face lit up. “Starlight?” 

Sam giggled as she headed for the door, pulling ten along behind her. “He's not wrong, have you seen what you're wearing right now?” 

“And if you hate it—” 

Danny ducked his head back until Duke's chest, muffling his response slightly but the denial was still understandable. “No, I like it.” 

“Then that's your new nickname. I refuse to call you anything else,” Duke teased back. He waved when they caught sight of Alfred and helped Danny climb into the car. 

“Where to, Master Duke?” 

He paused before getting in the car and gave Sam a questioning look from where she had slid to pull Danny into a hug. She shook her head and looked down at Danny, biting her lip. “Somewhere safe.” 

“To the manor then,” Alfred offered and waited for Duke to nod before gesturing for him to climb in after his friends.

Once the door was shut, Duke buckled himself in and reclined against the seats. “Well, that's one way to make a dramatic entrance.” 

Danny laughed as he leaned against Sam but it quickly turned into sobbing. He curled up in his head and his hands gripped his hair tightly as he cried, despite Sam's best efforts to stop him. “Why can't he just leave me alone? That's all I ever wanted and he keeps popping up and finding me, how did he find me? I thought Tucker—” 

“Why don't I call Tucker and he can check all of your security? Then you can talk to him and know he's okay,” Sam offered and Danny seemed to relax a little with the idea. “Go cuddle with Duke while I call him, okay?” 

Danny looked back and forth between them for a second, like he wasn't sure, so Duke opened his arms invitingly. “Only if you're okay with it, starlight. But cuddles sound really nice right about now.” 

Danny's POV/Next

[headspacedad]

excitement time

so - how many of you don't watch your feet when you walk around inside your house? And how many of you go barefoot in the same conditions? I want you to remember your answer.

Because this morning I got up and wandered into the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and looked, naturally, back the way I'd just come. Now, my eyes aren't the best when I first wake up and I thought to myself: 'self, that is one big ass piece of fabric lying there in the doorway you just came through'. Because Sam, you see, likes to chew fabric and so I'm used to small pieces of it scattered everywhere thanks to his hole-punch jaws. But this - this was big for a Sammy scrap of fabric and it was -

pointy.

Lots of pointy in fact.

'There is no way' I thought, still seated, 'that that is a spider. It's not round enough.

But it sure as hell looks like a spider with those legs.'

I'm from Florida. In Florida we get Bugs. There's a lot I can deal with. Not happily but I can deal. Careful, I lean forward a little bit and squint and yeah - that's not spider.

Also yes, it is Very Definitely A Bug.

A golf-ball sized bug

before you added the legs.

Well by now I'm not happy, very carefully getting some pants on, not looking away from it. It hasn't moved and its sitting there in the middle of the floor so I'm thinking its dead (bugs have a weird habit of crawling out into the middle of my floor in this current place I'm staying before they die). That thought - I have lived a long life upon this earth and I am not about to get stupid now when it comes to a giant bug I don't recognize that might be dead but might not.

Briefly, probably longer than I should, I consider attempting to clear the doorway the bug is blocking to get my cell phone to take a picture because 'holy shit, I need a record of this thing, mostly to share with friends to gross/creep out but also, perhaps, to identify it later'. Luckily, my non-social media side of my brain kicks in and points out that just because its not moving now doesn't mean it won't be moving soon and if I take my eyes of this thing and it disappears I'm going to have to take my rabbit, put him in my car, and then lose my security deposit because I'm going to have to burn the entire trailer to the ground.

I find a nearby box of hair dye and carefully position myself in my well honed 'cockroaches always run just as the box drops' position which means I'm ready to immediately leap onto the toilet lid. I slam it down. The bug is crushed underneath the box!!

But is he really? Because its a box of hair dye, not a book. There are a lot of light things in a box of hair dye, it doesn't have a lot of solid weight behind it. I do the grind and twist method with it. Then I very carefully lift an edge, ready to retreat to the sink top this time. The bug is dead! Very squished and very dead. I am triumphant!

I still have no idea what the bug was.

Taking my sister's advice, I type "Big ass North Carolina bug" into the search engine of my laptop and hit images. I regret hitting 'images'. I persist. And there! There it IS! Sure enough - it is, indeed, a big ass NC bug'.

It's a Camel Cricket.

I'm going to put it under a read more because I love you, dear followers and potential stranger.

That was what was in the doorway of my bathroom. That I did not see, as I walked with my bare feet into the bathroom. Somehow some guardian angel somewhere, caught my foot just enough to have me step over this thing and settle down, soles of my feet unmolested.

I also feel I should point down that, last night, before the BAB was found in the bathroom, Sam, sleeping under the covers of the bed with me, woke me up thumping. I reached down, patted his head and then eventually moved him when he kept thumping at me. He went back to sleep. I went back to sleep. The night was very dark.

For my own sanity, I chose to think Sam was thumping, something he never does, for an entirely unrelated reason.

[cbsghostsmetasandtrevor]

CBS Ghosts - Pilot - Sam Sees Ghosts

Warning Spoilers May Appear.

I love that Jay looks so proud and Happy as the guys get to work - noticed that the man ordering people around call some of them “roofers” so like - they had roofers, but didn’t fix that over the fountain? The roofers did such a bad job that it's a fight in episode 3? So many questions.

ANYWAY, adore Sam looking around in awe.  I’m glad that she isn’t traumatized by the place (’cause that would’ve been bad) and instead is SO THRILLED to be there and see a dream come true.

Sam, you have no idea how much this dream come true really is. :)

LMAO - Trevor just awkwardly standing out of the way when Sam talks to him.  He was just expecting to see that she was okay, and he’s smiling at her even though he doesn’t expect her to see him.  It’s kind of sweet.

It's like clearly, he just wanted to see her is okay.

And he’s such a puppy that he gets excited that she compliments of him.  

He’s so cute in this scene - me, you chose me?  Heart eyes.  Poor boy. This is the moment that he goes from 'she's hot' to 'I've got a terrible crush'.

I love that it takes him a second to realize what it means - like at first, he’s like “Wait, you’re talking to me” then “aw she likes me” then “shit - she talked to me - she saw me - holy fuck, must tell the others!”

And goes running.  

Interesting question - do you think Trevor (aside from his pants) is the worst secret keeper of the bunch?  He doesn’t seem to hesitate to share this while I could see Sass being like “how can I make this fun by NOT sharing this?”

Well, it took all of ten seconds for the happiness that Sam’s okay to be thinking about themselves.

We love our selfish ghosts :)

At least, Hetty looks torn. Isaac is more like - the fuck we're going to to do now?

I love that they’re putting Thor and Pete next to each other.  They’ve got such a different perspective on things - excitement vs boredom in Alberta’s singing scene and here where Pete’s like “Boo Hotel, but they were here for a day and I missed them” while Thor is like “Clutter, damnit, Clutter!”

It’s so vastly different and the FUN thing is that Thor is the oldest ghost, so he knows what it’s like to have all that activity in the house, while Pete’s the 2nd youngest and he hasn’t experienced the full house (as far as we know) - Sophie’s been ill most of Trevor’s time there, and when Pete died, it seem like there wasn’t much activity then, either.

Trevor’s so cute here.  He’s so excited to tell them - and he’s clearly hoping this will ease things with Hetty, so he looks to the right where Hetty is when he says “Sam seems to like me” - underlying tone - you should like me too.

He clearly thinks bringing this news will help ease things over.

Also Where the F are Alberta and Sass.???  This is a big moment - they were literally there like MINUTES prior.  

LMAO - dude with no pants raises his arms and doesn’t notice because he’s too excited.  

Let’s look at these reactions:

Thor - Stares.  

Pete - glances away and tells Trevor to put his hands down.

Flower - is trying to look closer (Wow Flower). Wouldn't be surprised if this is why she & Thor don't ask Trevor to be the obvious third since she doesn't seem to like what she sees? On the other hand, I feel like she's probably seen it before (they all have) and there's a chance that something happened between them in the previous 20 years? IDK - either way, interesting reaction.

Hetty - grabs onto to Isaac for assurance and looks down and away after a second.

Isaac - kind of tilts his head, interested.  

LMAO  they are so funny.  I wish we’d seen Alberta and Sass’ responses here.  Although we did see Sass look up when Trevor gives his pants and underwear away in TP. And Alberta mentions keeping his schmeckle away during the 'stand-in mom hug in TB'.

Side note - knowing that the actor is wearing special underwear and came up with this joke makes this even funnier. OH MAN, sooooo funny.

Awwww, Jay painted the room the color she wanted.  It’s so sweet - also how the F did the ghosts not notice Jay doing all this work???  

Anyway, Jam or Jaymantha is so so cute here - too bad, Sam’s about to get freaked the hell out.

AWW HETTY IS THE FIRST - Straight through the wall/closet?  Hetty’s so obvious as a ghost and probably argued that as the Lady of the House and Sam’s relative that she be first.

I can imagine Isaac arguing as the leader (captain) he should be first.  Hence, his walking in through the door second.

However, I think Trevor should've been first since she just saw him and talked to him.

I love how Jay’s just like “Yeah, a lot of yellow, but it’ll grow on you.”

Because he assumes that’s the problem.

Personally, yellow? I couldn't enjoy it.

It’s interesting that Sass, Trevor and Pete all walk in at slightly a second behind each other and together.  Wonder how they decided that?

Also, they all have slightly open mouths like they can't believe what's happening.

Finally, Alberta, Flower and Thor.  It’s interesting that they stand a distance away, Hetty still the closest.  

What's also interesting is Thor as the oldest ghost is the furthest back.

Also, Love how Sam’s trying to rationalize.  She did believe somewhat in ghosts for ages (hence the sage), but like it’s one thing to ‘believe’ and another to see it.  

Aw, poor Jay - he’s just like ... it’s paint, babe.  What’s the problem?  Sam and Jay are completely having two different discussions.

Which is going to happen a lot in their future.

Trevor and Pete as the youngest ghost have this conversation - they’re SO happy to have the possibility of Sam seeing them.  

BUT like "you think", Pete? It's pretty obvious that she CAN at this point.

Why did they think that ambushing her with all of them a good idea?

Awww, Jay is so cute - “I’m your husband, remember?”

He's so concerned right now.

How long has Isaac had this speech prepared and has he ever gotten to finish it???

I'm thinking he was disappointed when Thor and Sass didn't - I don't know, greet him with an explanation - and came up with an explanation so that no one else would be disappointed.

Yet, I also think - he's never gotten to finish it. Because new ghosts (and Sam) are just like - NOT interested when they first die.

OOOOH, interesting Flower begins to look somewhat sad when Isaac says “poor spirits” - I feel like she might be the only one that doesn’t talking about this being ‘purgatory’ that she wants to escape from.  Or maybe I’m reading that look wrong.

But Flower has never mentioned it being sad or boring or anything (which makes sense given her state of mind), so she probably just thinks it's all fun and games.

Poor Sam, That’s a terribly scary thing to happen.  How did she not run for the hills??? I would’ve. Certainly wouldn't go to sleep in that house.

Wonder what Jay's thoughts were when this happened?

Anyway END OF PILOT!

Woohoo!  Feel free to discuss and reblog :). 

[pechefarm]

Buttercup Baby: Ch 10

Pairings: Sam/Male Farmer OC, Sebastian/Female OC, Shane/Female OC

Rating: T for Teen

Word count: 4,497 words

Content Warnings: Alcohol use

Authors Notes: Been having a lot of health issues lately, that's why updates have been so slow!

Morning light streamed in from Sam’s window, landing on the two men cuddled up together on the soft bed shoved up against the wall. Léo was half awake, but completely aware that he was tangled up with Sam. He sighed happily, wanting this moment to last forever.

Of course, it couldn’t. He knew that when Sam woke up, his friend would be incredibly embarrassed. Léo found himself wanting to see that blush, wanting to hear Sam’s flustered voice. It was incredibly cute.

Cute.

Léo was finally allowing himself to admit that he had feelings for the blond man beside him. But it was so goddamn confusing. Yes, Sam was incredible. He was an amazing friend, and an amazing person in general. But he couldn’t ignore his feelings for Henri.

Buzz buzz

Buzz buzz

Buzz buzz

What was that? Léo untangled himself from Sam who promptly rolled over, still deep asleep. It took a few seconds before Léo realized that it was his phone. Annoyed, Léo reached over and peeked at who it was.

Holy shit.

He quickly swiped up to answer the phone, and crept out of the room.

"Henri?" Léo said quietly, mouth dry. 

"Léo, oh my God!" Henri said, sounding relieved. "I didn't even know if you'd answer! It's 6am and well…it's me."

"It is you," Léo said softly. He could hardly believe it. He clutched his phone tight as he made his way to the bathroom, tears pricking at his eyes. He closed and locked the door and closed his eyes. Léo hadn’t realized just how much he'd missed Henri's slight accent. How much he'd missed how light and airy his voice was, always sounding happy. Always putting Léo at ease.

"Is it okay that I'm calling?" Henri asked. "If I woke you up…"

"No, it's fine, really!" Léo said quickly. He couldn't let Henri hang up, not now. Yeah it was crazy early, and yeah Léo would love to be in bed right now but this was more important.

"That's great," Henri said, and Léo could almost see the gentle smile that was surely on the other man's face.

"How are you doing?" Léo asked.

"Pretty good. I've landed a role in an upcoming film, but I have to keep the details on the down low," Henri said. "And you? Have you been eating? I know you forget to eat sometimes."

Léo's heart felt warm as he assured Henri he was eating well and doing just fine. The fact that Henri cared enough to ask…wow. A smile plastered itself onto Léo's face. Henri wasn't all that bad, was he? Sure they'd had arguments…but all couples are like that. Right? Sure some of them were big. And sure, the way they’d ended things wasn’t the best but that didn’t make Henri a bad guy. Léo tried to convince himself of this, trying to come up with reasons why talking to his ex at his crush’s house was an okay thing to do.

"Do you have friends? Seeing anyone?" Henri asked casually.

"Seeing anyone? That's none of your business," Léo said, swallowing thickly. 

"I want it to be," Henri said. "I want–oh shit I have to go," he said quickly. Léo could hear a man talking in the background, but couldn't quite make out what was being said 

"Henri?" Léo asked, but the line went dead, leaving him sad and confused. He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, staring at his phone. Should he send a text and make sure Henri was okay? Ending the call like that was really strange.

As if his ex had read his mind, a text from Henri came through.

Hey, sorry about that. Rico was wondering who I was talking to.

Didn’t really want to talk about it with him

He can be sooooo possessive. 

Léo felt sick upon reading the words about Rico. God, did Henri really have to bring him up? Rico was everything Léo wasn’t. Rico was tall and built like a super model, with a face that looked like it was carved from marble. Léo was on the shorter side, stocky, and built more like a linebacker than anything. Sure he often got compliments on his figure, but there was something about Rico that was entrancing. And that something had reeled Henri in, had made him fall in love. Léo couldn’t bring himself to answer the message. He left the bathroom and walked back to Sam’s room. His friend was still out, and Léo sighed. What the hell was he doing? Cuddling with Sam one second and mooning over his ex the next. This was ridiculous. He slid back into bed but didn’t go back to sleep. Instead, he pulled up his messages with Elfie and began to type.

Hey emmyelf, I gotta talk to you about something

It’s not about Seb I stg

EMMA ANSWER YOUR PHONE

Léo stared at his phone in annoyance before realizing that it was still extremely early in the morning and suddenly felt bad. But Elfie was an early riser, she should be up by now. He kept looking at his phone, as though willing it to answer. Finally, he received a reply.

Christ on a cracker you’re clingy. And you better not be lying, cause if this is about that emo fucker I’m never speaking to you again

Léo snorted and rolled his eyes.

It’s NOT. Look, I think I like Sam.

He closed his eyes, and to his great surprise, Elfie responded right away.

GOD FINALLY YOU FIGURED IT OUT 

Proud of you boo

When you gonna ask him out?

Léo skipped pink entirely and his face went straight to fire engine red. He couldn’t believe what Elfie had just said.

What do you mean finally??? Also, I’m not asking him out It’s complicated.

If Léo was at home he would’ve thrown his phone across the bed, but he didn’t want to accidently smack Sam in the head with a flying phone.

How is it complicated?

Léo bit his lower lip as he read her response. He was going to have to explain. And she was not going to like the answer.

I’m not over Henri 

We’ve been talking a bit

I just

I dunno Elfie, not sure I’m ready.

As expected, Elfie sent two paragraphs lecturing Léo on why he shouldn’t be talking to Henri, why Henri was bad for him, and why he needed to move on to someone better. He understood where she was coming from, but she didn’t seem to understand how hard it was. He and Henri had been together for years. Completely cutting off a connection like that was like cutting off a limb. 

Oh also! Something important! Shane invited me to Pelican Town tonight for karaoke night. So I’ll be there tonight.

Léo blinked at his phone. What the hell? How long had she known about this? But before he could respond, he felt the sheets rustling beside him.

“You up?” Sam said blearily. Léo looked over and felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at Sam’s ruffled hair and partially closed eyes. He looked absolutely adorable, and Léo had to work hard not to giggle and beam at him.

“Yeah, I get up early. Used to a farmer’s schedule,” Léo said. “I hope I wasn’t why you woke up.”

“I don’t think you were,” Sam said, sitting up and stretching. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Slept like a baby,” Léo said.

“So you kept waking up at night crying? That sucks,” Sam said and laughed as Léo punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“I slept great, how’s that?” Léo said.

“Better,” Sam said. “I didn’t bother you at all, did I?”

“No, but you did cling to me like a koala,” Léo said, and Sam choked on air.

“I’m sorry!” Sam squeaked out.

“I wasn’t saying that it was a problem,” Léo said. “It was cute.”

“O-oh,” Sam stuttered, looking bashful. “Well, that’s good.”

“Yeah, 10 out of 10 would sleep with you again,” Léo said. There was a small pause and suddenly Léo looked horrified.

“Sleep NEXT to you!” he said hurriedly, and Sam burst out laughing. “I meant sleep NEXT to you!”

“Well now I know how you really feel,” Sam teased.

“Shut up,” Léo said, and Sam giggled. “I’m tired, okay? Haven’t had my coffee.”

“Well let’s get you some!” Sam said. The two got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Sam needed a bit of help with the coffee machine, which made Léo roll his eyes.

“Your mom really does do everything, doesn’t she?”

“It’s kind of a problem,” Sam said with a sigh. “I got so used to it that I don’t have any kitchen skills at all. I don’t even know how to boil an egg properly.”

“Well, I could teach you to cook if you wanted,” Léo said. “I could come over, or you could come over to my house. I’ll give you an apron and everything.”

“An apron, eh? Do you have a ‘kiss the cook’ one?”

A vision of Sam caging Léo in against his counter while kissing him deeply popped into Léo’s mind, and he quickly brushed it away. He was pretty sure he’d be revisiting that thought later, perhaps tonight. But now was not the time for this!

“Um, uh, no,” Léo said, the traitorous fantasy attempting to come back.

“Well you should get one,” Sam said as the coffee began to drip into the carafe. “I like silly shit like that, and I think you’d look good in an apron with something dumb on it.”

They continued chatting for a bit. Jodi came out of her room as soon as she smelled coffee, and began bustling around the kitchen making breakfast. After a bit of whispered encouragement from Léo, Sam asked if she could teach him how to scramble the eggs she was about to make. She was shocked, but agreed. It felt good to watch this bonding moment between Sam and his mom. Cora came out of bed at the scent of sausages, and Jodi smiled at her.

“Vincent! You got up all by yourself!”

“It smells good,” Cora said simply.

After breakfast, Sam mentioned that there was duct tape somewhere that they could use to fix up the blowup bed.

“Oh shit, that’s a good idea,” Léo said, eyes wide. “I need to go check on my crops, but I can help you fix it later.”

“Sure!” Sam said with a grin. Léo left the house, a spring in his step. Being around Sam always had that effect on him. Sam was truly a ray of sunshine. This happiness lasted as he watered his crops and weeded the garden. He casually talked with Robin when she took breaks from working on his renovation. She was very excited about the finished product, and couldn’t wait to show him everything she was doing.

“I could show you now!” she said, eyes bright. “Unless you want it to be a surprise.”

“I’ll keep it a surprise,” Léo said, pulling off his gloves and tucking them into his pocket. “I’m excited to see what you do with the place! You’ve done a lot already! I can’t believe you’ll be done in just a few days!”

“I’m good at what I do,” Robin said proudly, chest puffing out. “And I guarantee you’re going to love it.”

Léo walked back to Sam’s house and took a long shower, getting all the grime off of him. Sam had left for the mountain where he was going to hang out with Sebastian and Abigail. Once he was cleaned up, Léo threw on his favorite orange button-down, and some gray jeans that he always got compliments on. He was going to go to the Saloon tonight to make sure that everything went fine with Elfie. She was known for being a lightweight, and he didn’t want her to do anything she would regret.

Léo spent the rest of his afternoon on the pier, dipping his toes into the water. It was nice to bask in the sun, enjoying the rays of the late spring sun. Soon it would be getting even warmer. He’d probably be spending a lot more time down at the beach once summer was in full swing. He couldn’t believe how long he’d been in Pelican Town already. He hadn’t been sure originally that this would be a long-term situation, but now? Léo felt like this was home, and he knew he’d be staying here for the long run.

As these pleasant thoughts went through his head, he felt his phone buzz. He pulled it out and saw that Sam had sent him a message.

Hey did my mom tell you I’m at the lake with Abbers and Seb?

Léo blinked. That was kind of a weird question.

Yeah, she did, so I’ve been doing my own thing while you hang out. I’m at the beach rn

Léo didn't even have time to put his phone back into his pocket before he felt his phone buzz again.

I wanted you to come hang out too!!! Well, we’re going to hang out at the saloon tonight if you want to join us then?

Oh no.

They were going to the saloon tonight? When Elfie was going to be there? This wasn’t going to go well. Léo swallowed thickly. He needed to let Sam know the situation so that the three of them wouldn’t be caught by surprise.

I was going to go anyway, so sure! Elfie let me know today that Shane invited her for    karaoke night tonight, so she’ll be there too, just FYI

He and Sam sent a few texts back and forth about how Sebastian would react to this, and Sam promised to make sure that Sebastian was ready before seeing her at the saloon. Somehow Léo didn’t think he’d be ready no matter how primed he was for the situation. When the time came, Léo walked down to the saloon and found that Elfie was already there, hand in hand with Shane. Léo waved at the two of them and Elfie rushed over, excited.

“Léo! I’m glad you’re here! This is going to be awesome! We totally have to sing something together!”

“Yeah, sure!” Léo said. He noticed that Elfie was looking past him. He turned his head slightly and saw that Sebastian had entered the saloon.

“Who’re you looking at?” Léo asked, and Elfie glared at him.

“Nobody,” she said.

“Well, it looks like ‘nobody’ is sitting down with two of my friends who I’m supposed to be here with. I’m going to go say hi, okay?” Elfie crossed her arms, and turned around, heading for the stage to look at the list of songs.

“Hey, guys!” Léo said, approaching the table.

“God I’m glad my mom isn’t here,” Abigail said, “You’re wearing your whore outfit again.”

“Excuse me?” Léo said, mock offended. He knew what she meant though, he had unbuttoned his shirt to the navel again. “Are you telling me to cover up?”

“I’m telling you that my dad will eventually notice that my mom is shamelessly flirting with you and will stop selling you stuff,” Abigail said, rolling her eyes.

“There’s a cougar on the prowl!” Sam said, and Léo laughed.

“Well, he’s in luck, the ladies just don’t do it for me,” he said. “So he should be mad at her, not at me.”

“Oh my God!” somebody shouted excitedly. Léo looked over his shoulder and saw Elfie looking at the list of songs with a sparkle in her eye. “Look what they have!” she said, walking over to their and waving the list in his face. Léo noticed Sebastian freeze, the poor guy looking like a deer caught in the headlights as she approached. Honestly, Léo wasn’t surprised. Elfie looked good tonight, clearly dolled up for her date.

“Uhh…Barbie Girl?” Léo said, looking at the list. Elfie sighed dramatically and shook her head.

“Danza Kuduro!” she said. 

“Oh shit!” Léo said with a grin. “I didn’t think they’d have songs in other languages!”

“What’s that song?” Abigail asked, cocking her head.

“It’s a really fun song in both Spanish and Portuguese! Léo we have to sing it!”

“Wait, are you both trilingual?” Sam asked, eyes wide. Sebastian looked up at Elfie, clearly listening but trying to pretend like he wasn’t. She was pointedly not looking at him, and Léo was sure that she was more than aware that Sebastian had taken notice of her.

“No,” Léo said, “We’re both bilingual. Elfie’s mom is from Portugal, so she grew up speaking English and Portuguese. And you guys already know I speak Spanish.”

“Yeah, he’ll sing the Spanish parts, and I’ll sing the Portuguese ones! Oh my gosh yes!”

The two put their names in to sing and waited their turn. Maru went first, nervously singing Suddenly I See, eyes flickering over to Penny every now and then. Clint went after, belting out an incredibly dramatic rendition of I Am A Rock with surprising confidence. And then finally…

“Next up we have Elfie and Léo singing Danza Kuduro!” Mayor Lewis said, and the crowd clapped politely as they took the stage. 

“They don’t know what they’re in for,” Elfie said, with a grin, winking at Léo.

“Well they don’t know I used to be lead singer in a band and that you were the best in your college’s choir,” Léo said.

The upbeat music began to pump from the speakers, and Léo began to sing in his rich voice.

“La mano arriba, cintura sola, da media vuella, danza Kuduro,” Léo began, and the two of them began to move to the beat. The crowd began to cheer as he continued, everyone looking surprised.

“Balançar qué uma loucura, morena vem o meu lado, ninguem vai ficar parado, quero ver mexa Kuduro,” Elfie belted out. Everyone looked shocked at her perfect accent and beautiful voice. The two friends laughed as they sang, and everyone began dancing, truly feeling the beat. Even Demetrius was dancing better than usual, dipping a very surprised yet pleased Robin.

When the song finished, the whole pub burst out into wild cheers and applause.

“You guys were great!” Abigail said, pulling them both into hugs as they returned to the group. Sebastian stood up, looking at Elfie with awe in his eyes. He looked like he was on the verge of speaking when a loud voice came from next to them.

“That’s my girl!” Shane said, clearly tipsy and on the verge of being fully drunk. “You were amazing! And the way you move…damn girl!”

Elfie giggled, stars in her eyes as she looked at Shane. Léo peeked over at Sebastian who had gone rigid. Sam slowly made his way over to his friend, gently rubbing his arm before the two sat down. Sebastian stared at a spot on the table while Sam said something in a quiet tone, eyes soft. Abigail slipped away to join them, but Léo had to stand with Elfie and Shane as he was engaged in conversation with them.

“You can move pretty well too,” Shane said. “Guess that Shakira song was right—let me see you move like you come from Colombia!”

“I guess,” Léo said, glancing over at his friends. “But I practiced a lot too,” he said. “Took dance lessons in school, and was in a band. Gotta have moves to make people want to watch you, you know?”

“You were in a band?” Shane asked, eyes wide. “Dude that’s fuckin’ awesome!”

“Uh yeah, it was a lot of fun. Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?” Léo said, noticing Abigail rubbing circles on Sebastian’s back as the black haired man watched Shane pull Elfie in by the waist. 

“We’ll be at the bar,” Shane said. “This babe deserves a drink after that amazing performance. I’m buying,” he said, looking at Elfie.

“Ooo, what a gentleman,” Elfie purred.

“Gotta buy my gorgeous Amazon something tasty to match her, don’t I?” Shane said. Elfie blushed but looked pleased. Elfie was tall, and was a head taller than the much shorter man before her. She was typically very self-conscious about her height, but clearly, Shane didn’t mind. Léo controlled himself from rolling his eyes and walked over to the table. Sebastian looked up at his approach and sighed.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Sebastian said softly. “I deserve it.”

“Actually, I was going to ask if you were okay,” Léo said with a frown. Sebastian looked surprised, and Léo sighed.

“I know I’ve been hard on you,” he said, “But you’re still my friend and I don’t want you to be upset.” He slid into a chair next to Sebastian, and looked him in the eye. “I need you to know something, okay? This isn’t Elfie at all. I don’t know what the hell she thinks she’s doing, but if I had to guess, she’s putting on a show. Honestly? They both are. Did you see how friendly Shane was to me just now?”

“So?” Sebastian said. “He’s probably just being nice ‘cause you’re Elfie’s friend.”

“That’s not like Shane at all,” Léo said shaking his head. “There’s more to it.”

“Wait…” Abigail said, a look of understanding crossing her face. “Are you saying they’re doing this to piss Seb off?”

I think there’s a very high chance that they’re doing that, at least partially. Elfie is attracted to him, and he seems to like the look of her too, so I think some of it is legit. But the rest? They’re pissed at you Seb, and I think they’re trying to upset you.”

“What the fuck?” Sam said angrily. “That’s awful! What the hell is wrong with them?”

“My feelings exactly,” Léo said with a grimace. “She thinks she can lecture me and then pull this shit? I’m having a long talk with her tomorrow. Maybe tonight if she doesn’t get shit faced on cocktails,” he said, nodding towards the bar. Elfie was pink in the face, two empty shot glasses next to her and some sort of blue drink in her hand that was already halfway gone.

“What do you mean ‘lecture you?’” Abigail asked.

Shit.

Shit!

“Oh um. Just…past mistakes,” Léo said, trying to keep his voice even. “She always tells me when she thinks I’m not doing the right thing, when she thinks I’m not being mature or whatever.”

“What a hypocrite,” Abigail said with a hollow laugh.

“Yep,” Léo said. “But I mean…she hasn’t dated anyone in like, eight or nine years. She probably forgot how.”

The table fell into silence. With Sam’s help, Léo had spoken to both Abigail and Sebastian about his twin, and how Elfie had stopped dating after his death.

“She had a really rough few years after my brother died,” Léo said. “Nobody ever stacked up. Elfie didn’t even consider other guys as options. She had her fair share of dudes flirting with her and giving her their numbers. But she would just throw the numbers away, and wouldn’t even acknowledge the flirting. And now she’s opening up and--”

“And I completely smashed her to bits,” Sebastian said, putting his forehead in his hands.

“Sebastian look at me. Look at me,” he said firmly, and Sebastian looked up, a devastated expression on his face.

“You crushed her, I’m not gonna lie to you. But that’s an explanation, not an excuse. Remember how I told you that you can’t treat people like shit and expect them to be okay with it? Well that applies to her too.”

“An’ this one…this one is for that Italian bastard back there!” Elfie shouted out. Léo turned his head and saw Elfie wobbling across the stage, clearly having just snatched the microphone from Mayor Lewis. He sighed as he watched her try and figure out the karaoke machine.

“God she needs to sober up,” Léo grumbled. “Before she ends up doing something she’ll regret.”

“HIS NAME IS TONY! HE’S FROM MILANO! HE WHISPERS SOFTLY IN MY EARS IN ITALIANO!” Elfie drunkenly belted out. 

“Jesus Christ,” Léo said closing his eyes.

“Oh Mama Mia! He says I love you girl, let me touch you! But mama told me that Italian is a macho!” Elfie sang, pointing at Shane who raised his glass at her.

“Is Shane Italian?” Sam asked looking at the two who were caught up in each other, Elfie singing this ridiculous song while Shane laughed.

“Well, his last name is Giudice, so I think he has family from Italy?”Abigail said, looking thoughtful. 

“After this song, I’m dragging her back to your house,” Léo said with a sigh, looking over at Sam. “She’s smashed, she can’t go back to Zuzu by herself like this.”

“I think Mom will be okay with that,” Sam said. “I mean, she’ll be annoyed for sure, but she’s not going to make her ride the bus by herself like this.”

After the song ended, Léo tried to make his way to the stage, but the saloon had gotten a lot more crowded than earlier. He found himself struggling to get by everyone. When Léo finally got the stage, Elfie was no longer there. 

Fuck.

He peered around but didn’t see her anywhere. And the saloon was strangely a lot quieter than it had been. Shane seemed to have quieted down, and wasn’t saying anything at all. Maybe he’d passed out. Léo’s eyes flickered over to the bar, and weirdly enough, Shane wasn’t there. And Marnie wasn’t at her usual table either.

Wait.

Wait hold up.

Had Elfie gone home with Shane and Marnie?

“Goddamnit,” Léo growled, heading back over to the table. Sam looked confused at Elfie’s absence.

“Where’s—?”

“I think she went home with Shane,” Léo said. Sebastian choked on his drink, and Léo ignored him in favor of dialing Elfie’s number. He called her twice, leaving a voicemail asking her to call as soon as she could.

“She’s getting the talking to of her life when she calls me back,” Léo grumbled.

“Well, Shane was the one who invited her, so it’s not that weird that she’s going to his place,” Abigail said slowly.

“She could’ve at least said bye,” Léo said. Sebastian’s expression was impossible to read, but Léo had a feeling that there was a storm brewing inside of him.

“We should probably be going,” Sam said. “I promised we’d be back early tonight.”

“Yeah okay,” Léo said with a sigh. They bade Abigail and Sebastian goodbye and began making their way to Sam’s house.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Sam murmured, and Léo nodded slowly. They made their way into the bedroom and fell into bed, the duct tape that was meant to fix the blowup bed forgotten on Sam’s desk. The two passed out almost instantly, curling up against each other in their sleep.

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 50: there's only seven of you (for now)

Let's see if I can do a liveblog after six weeks of not watching!

(it started to feel like a job)

I miss jester

IT IS BEGIN

I know we're probably getting Keyleth but god would I love a Dorian cameo

aw, I miss marisha's "girls" tank

liam with the thumbhole hoodie is very good tho

liam

"orgy 2.0"

if a skyship leaves the dock at 8pm going 120 feet per round

"ira get the FUCK up here"

enjoying the corruption arc of the changebringer entirely through fcg

anyone: ludinus liam: >:[

"bacchanalian" greek mythology exists in exandria, canon

"you would turn into a bird - " "and fly far, far far away" what a reference

man I got noise canceling headphones for christmas for the first time ever and I've barely taken them off since, imogen is a mood

this whole "crash the ship" plan is big "ram the blade ship" energy

stop saying final destination

oh THAT was a throwback

oh we've reached Marisha Chair Perch and we're not even in combat yet

relax she's just putting it out there

"no plan survives contact with bells hells" is not as catchy as "no plan survives contact with the mighty nein" but is equally as true

matt changing the light to move them along like turning the light off in a daycare to signal naptime

uh oh spaghettios

laura literally stopping mid-sentence to let them meme sdkfjsl

matt stop death flagging xandis

meanwhile ira is living his best life

"I'll look for a tree" oh the flashbacks

laudna puts on skin tone foundation but doesn't blend the neck

fearne: you shut the FUCK up

"don't do anything stupid" "oh this is ALL stupid"

I am not prepared

neither are they

if xandis dies I riot

sam

I'm not okay

ASHTON

where the fearne/ashton shippers at, come get your juice

you know liam's distracted, he didn't reach up instead of out

no plan survives etc etc

DISLIKE

"that's above your pay grade, son" holy shit imogen

oh shit

DON'T SPLIT THE PARTY kdjflks

tag urself I'm ashley

"welp, we gotta kill them" sam reads my persona 5 liveblogs

guards: purple sus

TRAVIS

sam

HIM BIG

all this cool stuff I can't afford makes me wish I had an in-person game

or any game, lbr

TREE OF DREAD

"titties?"

"good thing I got this ring of fire protection" slkdfjf

"now we're playing with portals"

IN-TENTS

"testicles" I heard that liam

"can I try to - fuck it" right in front of my salad?

their bane noises are starting to sound like furbies

ykw travis had a point can we have fjord's ring of fire protection

"I'm gonna use a toy" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

YEAH

hey

hey matt

hey matt what the fuck

SHE??

"she looks like an asshole" marisha: fuck yeah she does

"is the dirt wizard here?"

"he's quite a loyal dog" something something dog of the military FMA joke

HE

liam exploded

the accent

travis also exploded

extremely funny to hear beau try to talk shit about anybody else's stealth plans

"cool if we kill your mom?" beauregard

"shut the fuck up, wolfy"

l i a m

"they're level nine you guys"

(level nein)

quick somebody ask caleb what time it is

all of the german is slowly leeching out of matt's accent

travis had the same thought as me sldjfsk

marisha's goblin crouch perch

chetney

liam finally got to be on the other side of that

nobody told you to wolf out, chet

laudna's crush on ira is funny when it's fucking around but when she starts genuinely arguing he wouldn't do some fuck shit in a heartbeat it's annoying

I THOUGHT SO

oh that timing gives me anxiety

[anicekidlikeme]

Do you know how I grew up?

Back when I was dating Peter, I was always aware of just how much he would talk (about his accomplishments, about his friends, and different annecdotes). His stories would go far back as elementry school. I hated it. I know that is a horrible thing to even think as somebody's girlfriend (I knew that then too) but at the time getting myself to like the person I was dating felt like a crushing expectation. How am I supposed to love you unconditionally? How am I supposed to love you at all? Your friends are mean, your music taste is okay, and I cannot stand the way you refuse to walk alongside me.

There was a moment when we were walking to Target to buy Kombucha, and holy shit was I pissed off. Peter would walk ahead of me, constantly, and turn around in tiny spurts to tell me to speed up. Could you please walk with me? I know now that love is definately not supposed to feel like that. It is the easiest thing in the world. Drew walks next to me, always. Even if it means having to slow down his pace (often, also emotionally). He grabs my waist everytime we have to cross a road, or everytime I walk into a room I've never been in before. He has incredible patience. I could hear Drew talk and talk for hours, and just keep wanting to listen to even more stories of his. He teases me about how many times in one day I ask him How was your day?! But I just want to hear you talk!

Anyway, a year ago I would think a lot about Peter and I's out of sync walking. It felt like he was ahead of me often. Especially when he told stories. I would sit at the dinnertable with his family and just listen most nights to him sharing annecdotes. About Sam, Adam and Holden, about Miss Gurb from Middle School, and about going to house-shows with Isabella. I would think holy fucking shit, how can you remember all that? How do you have so many happy stories to tell?

The earliest my memory goes to is sometime before 3rd grade when my mom was texting my father on her Nokia, and my uncle had been bugging her all day about selling their Dad's house. I realized then how easy it is to just block out undesirable moments out of your memory. Forget about them completely so they are never to be spoken of, and better yet, never to be remembered. After that, it is a blur. I don't have any stories to tell from growing up, all I remember is how some days felt. There was never enough room where we lived post-divorce, always too many angry people, always too many bugs, and always so many fights in this tiny one- bedroom apartment we shared with 8 other people. My mom told me that I was once in the hospital for 6 months. I had no fucking clue that happened. I still dont.

If I told somebody that I slept most nights of my childhood on a purple straw mat (yes, no bed. not even a mattress), they would probably be so fucking confused. But it is true. And it happened, and it is not a very tell-able tale. Not like Peter's atleast. I am trying to think of other things that happened but I am noticing myself getting fatigued. It's too hard, and there is a big lock on that door. Let's not bother. It is much easier to say Im doing well now. Oh, she sucks and he's dead.

So if you were to ask me how I grew up, I would tell you I have no fucking idea. I dont know how I grew up. Bitter and scary and mean, is probably what my friends from high school would say. Unfortunately, as a result of me changing as a person, I had to quit talking to them. I couldn't find it in me to say, hey guys, I'm in America now so I've decided to be a completely new person. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be this person I was anymore. It's not their fault, and it is not mine.

I am now very emotional (something I was very very afraid of, and am still coming to terms with), very silly, not obsessed with being smart anymore (I'm surprised by that one too), and very very Vaibhavi. Everyone calls me Vai, and I hate it. I want to shout at them, and instruct them to call me Vaibhavi. That is who I am! I am intensely focused now on the memories I make, even if they are bad ones. I dont want to forget anything. I don't want to forget my fights with Fawwaz, or my sick days with Drew, or my secret-spilling sessions with Atharva. I dont want to forget when I had awfully pink hair, or when I was friends with people I hated. I want to have stories, and I love the stories I have now. I am obsessed with getting engaged, because then I will have a family. A family I like, a family to tell stories about when I am asked so, tell me about your family.

A family to love, a family of two. Definately not one with Peter, but I wish him luck. I really do. We are both good people with so many differences, and my hope is that he finds someone to cherish them. I know I did (and god, is Drew a sight for sore eyes).

I have no idea how I grew up, but there was a tent in a balcony. Don't know which one, we have moved too many times.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 192

Heaven Can’t Wait/The Bells of Saint John

“Heaven Can’t Wait”

Plot Description: Dean and Castiel investigate a series of spontaneous human combustions, while Crowley helps Sam and Kevin translate an ancient tablet

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: idk what that dude’s whole thing is, but…I don’t think I could stop him if he wanted to explode me

Cas studying and imitating human behavior is adorable. You are CORRECT, miss manager lady, he IS special!! 💖

GWORL. I know you got a crush but holy shit. Wait…no. She…might not? The kiss was confusing but I think she actually wants Cas to babysit for a date she’s going on

Why are the splattered remains Barbie pink??

GWORL (Dean), you didn’t just wanna bail on research. You wanted to see your boyfriend

Well, damn, if an angel came and exploded me any time I exaggeratedly said I wanna die?? Yikes.

I’m sorry. Dean. You don’t get to be like this about Cas’s situation when you kicked him out of the bunker…

I can’t believe Sam is actively manipulating Crowley….yeah.

Dean, you get NO SAY in what Castiel is going through unless you take him back to the bunker. He is doing his best with what little people skills he has. He is content right now

Yeah. He’s being called in to babysit

He has responsibilities, DEAN. Like cleaning the restroom

Can you spit out why it’s so bad BEFORE what would be a commercial break? No? Cool.

Omg…Dean telling Cas how to dress for this (not-a-)date

It’s gonna hurt to watch Cas get shut down……..at least Dean won’t be there to watch exactly…

Don’t worry, Cas, it WAS a confusing proposition. I get she was excited for her date, but she shouldn’t have kissed you.

It’s sick and twisted that Crowley wants to use Kevin’s blood to call Abaddon. He should not have to go through this…

Castiel is adorably bad with this baby. He’s TRYING but like………oh. No. He’s not bad with her, she really likes him. I…this is so cute. He can weirdly relate so much to being new to being a human.

No no nonononoooooo. The angel who’s been exploding people found Cas by the amount of emotional pain he’s in

Omg Abaddon is so hot

Literally could not care less if everything she does gets labeled wrong by the story. Don’t care that Crowley gets mad that she’s invalidating his contracts and that she’s screwing up hell. She can do whatever she wants

Bets on whether Metatron’s spell being permanent:

1) actually IS permanent, and

2) is a thing Dean tells Cas RIGHT NOW instead of keeping it a secret?

Do you have a crush on him NOW, miss manager lady???

Yeah. Kinda knew Dean wasn’t gonna be the MOST upfront

Hmmm…I’m betting this isn’t a “I want to FEEL human again” blood injection. It’s probably a “if I’m human again I can escape this bunker” one

“The Bells of Saint John”

Plot Description: The Doctor’s search for Clara Oswald brings him to modern day London

(There’s a lot to hate about the Big Bang Theory but I will never fault the show for pointing out that, though the Doctor has access to all of space and time, he sure does like modern day London (or sometimes Wales) a whole lot)

Oh yOuR sOuL’s BeEn UpLoAdEd To ThE iNtErNeT?? Kay…what else is new?? And why are you clicking on weird wifi networks? Did no one teach you anything?? And like…SO MANY people did that

This episode is making me so angry…just as someone who spent most of their day with our IT department trying to get them to take me seriously about my persistent internet issues. Yes, the internet SHOULD JUST BE THERE. I wish I knew why it isn’t but I am also not an IT specialist. (I could spend the next hour ranting about how I cried on the phone because I couldn’t get them to do anything beyond basic troubleshooting and then the second it was back for even a moment they were like ‘well, now I can’t escalate it because it’s back. If it happens again, call back’ even though that WAS a call back because I’d had the same issue the night before…..but I do need to actually watch this episode)

Ah, damn, Clara, you clicked the wrong WiFi……

Ugh…they’re doing it again. They’re too much alike. Not to rush Matt’s time but I need it to be Peter Capaldi now.

These people remind me too much of Naomi and her reign over heaven in spn

Bestie, RUN.

Maybe if the Doctor had gotten a tonsure, he’d think monks are cool

I do like the little flair the bottom of the Doctor’s jacket has now. It’s a twirly jacket

Ohhhhhh there really isn’t anything like a freshly opened package of jammy dodgers though

This is framed in a way that’s supposed to be cute and because it’s the Doctor, WE know she’s actually safe but if a strange man broke into my home after something happened to me, carried me to my bed, laid out snacks, took all my messages for me (including interacting with people close to me), and then told me NOW I was safe…I would not think I was safe. Also, the music is rather romcom-y and that’s weird because he’s several hundred years older than her

“I can’t tell the future, I just work there” is a really good line though

Ok no. This is creepy af. People should not be hackable

Is…the great intelligence behind this?? The bad guy from the last episode?

Oh these people are going to regret taking the Doctor’s likeness to get to Clara

I miss when the Doctor was a little less of an action hero. He shouldn’t be allowed to ride a motorcycle up the side of a building

I was RIGHT?? The Great Intelligence was behind it?? HOW LONG WAS HE KEEPING THAT WOMAN HOSTAGE?? HOW LONG HAD SHE BEEN HACKED?? She sounded like a little kid when she came to

[josiebelladonna]

“No one will ever love you the way that I have loved you.”

there’s a lot from fever that i still think about to this day, but that line in particular always makes me stop and think.

sam says it out loud to a sketch of alex resting on her car seat before she’s in the accident that puts her in the hospital for three months, and then she thinks it constantly until she finally gains the courage to do so.

i came up with this line after i made my very first drawing of alex in february 2021, when we were all still in quarantine, and i remember watching him on ig live right before valentine’s day. i don’t even know what came over me but he was taking questions and i kind of blurted it out: “boxers or briefs?” (i think i also asked him “coke or pepsi” but i can’t really remember). i also told him he’s cute when he rants (this was back when that big cold snap struck texas) and i remember him giggling at me when he picked up this acoustic guitar and it felt like i was down in front and his eyes were on me. i really do not have the best track record of flirting—if anything, i’ve always sucked at it—but i remember going to bed that night realizing, “holy shit, i just flirted with and teased a boy tonight, didn’t i?” i already found the vibe of the whole thing sensual as is (late at night, it’s snowing, i’m cozied up in bed in my underwear). it was from that point forward, my crush on him developed and yet, i lacked the courage to share those crushing feelings outside of fic: they were always rare with me and when i did feel them, i was always wary of talking about them because crushes, especially on a guy like him, are not taken seriously, especially when you’re young and you have youthful energy like i do—i’m as much an emotional person as i am a cerebral one, too, capable of going from very soft to full-on rage. but they are real, and they are torrid, and with him, they’ve only deepened and intensified. it’s really weird, too, because my crushes usually don’t last very long, like a year or so. but he still tickles me like that night when i asked him about underwear and soda. he gives me chills and butterflies. he makes me moist, especially when i know he’s watching me. i smile when i see his name.

one time on stories, i told him i am in love with his voice—i really am, too, it’s kinda sexy after a while, and i’m always going to think about how husky it gets whenever he talks to me on live. i’ve joked about poking or patting his belly and i can’t explain it but i just have this feeling that he loves it, like a lot (i once made a joke about blowing raspberries on his chubby belly on testament’s page and it made the page admins laugh). i’m not even touching on the comments i’ve left on his page and he’s come back to like them after the fact when no one’s looking. i feel it with him, even though he won’t say it out loud—i get it completely. the one time someone told me they had a crush on me it was well after the fact. i’m emotional and intense: people find me intimidating, and when he shared my drawing i made for him for valentine’s, he said he was humbled by it. there’s the pressure he feels, too: mr. guitarist with a stout following and when he and i started #feelingit, the whole dave ellefson thing blew up (i’m in my late twenties, mind, but the fact that happened at the same time as the white pony drawings needs to be highlighted). i also feel like i’m crossing some lines with him, too, lines i don’t really feel comfortable saying, even late at night.

“No one will ever love you the way that I have loved you” reminds me of the intensity that i feel. there’s something possessive about it, but it also isn’t when you think about it. alex has flings with other girls, namely zelda, but he always finds his way back to sam because the way she treats him is unique to her and he finds his way back to it out of comfort, and she sees it. she says it because she knows he’s always going to come back to her.

…her “porchlight is always on”, if you will…

iirc, i actually wrote it in response to the whole “not like other girls” horseshit, like it’s meant to give the finger to that—i didn’t mention this in my little nuclear bomb to the green druidess but that mindset is utterly rife in her writing, namely like loving the dead, like it’s actually surreal when you place it in junction with what she supposedly believes in. i can’t stand it because aside from it being genuinely misogynistic, it’s just canned and super on the nose, like… you know, we’re all different from each other: there’s no need to hammer it home.

when taken from an artistic standpoint, it loses its possessiveness and turns into a statement from an artist. there won’t be anyone who will draw you like i have. there won’t be anyone who will treat you so well through her art like i have. there will be good drawings, there will be great drawings… but they won’t be me. (so, there’s something meta about it, too.)

in sum, pay attention to what your body is telling you. pay attention to your heart and also your he(art). you may not realize it but your flesh carries a lot of wisdom. behold, the flesh and the power it holds.

[sastiel-daily]

Before poll were an option, I asked my followers and I received lots of lovely headcanon about queer!sam (can't put them in the tags they're too many)

ampelmensch headcanons:

okay but Sam watching “Charmed” as a teen and crushing hard on Leo and his glowy healing powers because the irony is too good to pass up on. Imagine Sam waking up in a cold sweat next to Cas upon realising this. (Somebody make a case for Sam crushing on Cole instead tho, I’m all ears). Sam watching Charmed at all is the best aesthetic I ever came up with. Somebody please write a fic where Sam and Cas binge the show togethe r with Sam getting increasingly uncomfortable/flustered upon realising. holy shit I just remembered that Misha had a role in Charmed and this hc is getting more and more meta by the second

I feel like Sam would greatly feel for Remus probably because, well, he’s exactly the kind of “creature” he defends on the show over and over and over again. Mistreated for what he is, not who he is. As for crushes? You can’t tell me he didn’t have the hots for Bill Weasley (it’s okay Sam, that earring does it for all of us). Cedric Diggory is also a good guess.

tbh I feel like Ewan McGregor is… if you don’t have a crush on Ewan McGregor, then I don’t know what went wrong in your life. Like no matter ur orientation. That’s just something that’s universal to humankind, I’d say.

#smol 15yo Sam lazily catching up on Charmed and seeing Leo for the first time#and he’s like#This is the man I want to marry someday#and here he is 15+ years later and even though him & Cas r not married obviously Sam’s just#some dreams?? come true?? after all?#supernatural#txt#I really REALLY gotta finish the sideblog (ampelmensch​ tags)

eruthiawenluin headcanons:

LEONARDO DICAPRIO. I SAY IT EVERY TIME THE QUESTION COMES UP. HE HAS AN ENORMOUS CRUSH ON LEO DCAP. It happened when Jess had him watch Titanic because she just couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before but at the same time, oh yeah, she believed it. And at first she thought he was crushing on Kate Winslet but there was enough movie to sit through for her to figure it out. All in all they had an enjoyable, informational night.

That said, Sam is REALLY embarrassed about some of his crushes, because he can and he WILL crush on every eye candy celebrity out there. Thor:Ragnarok was… a struggle. Sam’s HERE for Hemsworth. Snow White and the Huntsman is a guilty pleasure ;)

SAM WITH A CRUSH ON MARTY. SAM WITH A JOURNAL BUT ALL OF THE PAGES ARE JUST ‘MARTY MCFLY’ WITH A BUNCH IF HEARTS AND STUFF. YES. (I think Sam has a type…)

And you can bet Sam had (has) a crush on Luke Skywalker oKAY.

yifera headcanon:

I was thinking he and Dean probably watched Star Wars a lot, maybe he would have liked Luke while Dean fangirled with Han? I dunno :P

semirahrose headcanons:

In canon, Sam adored hair rocker Vince Vincente and background fanboyed magicians in 4.12.

Also I have this feeling that he totally crushed on all forms of the knights of the round table/Merlin.

He probably has it BAD for all of the Big Nice Hero types with the muscles and the holy causes.

smolshork headcanon:

headcanon that sam swooned for brandan fraser and oded fehr in the mummy

confessionsofafulltimenerd headcanon:

I can see Sam having a slight crush on Domhnall Gleeson (Bill) to this day lol

sastielsgreatesthits headcanons:

He listens to Nirvana (which Dean can’t stand) so I’m going with Kurt Cobain

and he probably started to have a crush on Han Solo, but then thought Solo was a lot like Dean so that was creepy and he switched to Chewie and grew his hair out like him.

Anonymous headcanon:

This is a little headcanon I’ve had for a while. In the djinn ep, Sam says Dean made out with his prom date (Rachel?). What if in canon, his date came to the motel room with her brother, Sam had to go out for a while, and when he came back the older brother (Andrea, ‘cause he’s Italian, ok?) says that he shouldn’t go into the motel room because Dean and his date are fucking. So Andrea drives Sam around (it’s almost like a date, Sam thinks). Later on that night, it’s nearly midnight and Sam’s in a cheesy diner and he’s staring at Andrea’s lips and he cocks an eyebrow and Sam gets whiplash they move so fast and he loses his virginity in the backseat of Andrea’s Ford, sat in the older boy’s lap. Bonus: “I think I liked her brother better.”

Pls write your queer!Sam headcanons in the tags.

[sunflowerrboyy]

tagged by @mickgaydolenz !!

nickname: most people call me rog. my papa calls me ruggers tho from the rugrats

height: 5'7

last thing i googled: danny kaye .....

song stuck in my head: the best things happen while you're dancing from white christmas. i just finished watching it and i think that number made me fall in love with danny kaye all over again sigh

amount of sleep: ahahaha not enough.

dream job: the one i'm in college for at the moment is a geology based park ranger, which is cool. the one i kinda gave up on when i was younger was being a jazz musician, i've played the sax for about 10 years now and was planning on that being my future until i kinda spiraled and realized i probably wasn't good enough to make it in the music industry, especially with a dying genre of music (unfortunately it's not the 1940s anymore and jazz is not that popular).

wearing: it's bed time babey ! grey sweatpants and a hoodie from oregon. and a pair of christmas socks with santa on them

movie/book that summarizes me well: i know this one was recent but soul (yes the pixar one). when i first watched this i was in a super bad depressive episode and had just given up on any chance of being a musician for my career and when i watched this it really changed how i saw the world. even the mundane became something worth living for and seeing that there was hope out there and music can still be an important factor in my life was so relieving to hear in that moment. any pixar movie is right up my alley tho.

current fav song: 3AM by AJR. i don't know how many times i can say i love this song, but i love this song. the stripped back instrumental with just a uke, a guitar, and piano, ryan's beautiful vocals, the yearning and the fear in the lyrics. god it's such a masterpiece of a song. realizing you really like a girl, but it may only be a fling to her, and you don't want to be rejected, hey you should feel lucky she chose you right? but what if the feeling isn't reciprocated? as someone who has had many crushes that were unreciprocated, this song just speaks volumes to my soul. holy shit.

aesthetic: i honestly don't know. whatever a plethora of button ups and t shirts with jeans and a toontown hat is ????

fav author(s): jeez i haven't read in so long. my favorites are agatha christie (i have a whole collection of her books), courtney peppernell (she does some good poetry), shannon messenger (i read keeper of the lost cities as a kid and her let the sky fall series as i got older and i MET her once she's super sweet) and neil gaiman (his stuff is amazing).

random fact: i am low-key terrified of amusement parks after dark. idk why i feel like something bad is going to happen as soon as the sun goes down, even with the pretty lights and the rides and the music, ever since i was a kid i've felt EXTREMELY uneasy and nervous and jittery, especially walking down main street at disneyland at night. idk.

tagging @sam-winchester-kinnie (sorry sam no obligation to do this obvs) @freshwatercatfishjpegimage @generic-blog-name-69 @ anyone i may have missed or anyone who wishes to do it :) i am big sleepy atm

[uncouth-the-fifth]

(you are a) natural, baby - Sam Winchester/Reader

read it on ao3.

Pairing: Virgin!Sam Winchester/AFAB!Reader (vaguely s1 or 2) Tags/Warnings: blowjobs, deepthroating, Impala sex, whiny/submissive Sam (with hints of the opposite). nothing too insane. yk the deal. Word Count: 11034 Notes: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. i've been. thinking about sam lately. and i MAY or may not have had the most vivid wet dream of my life... which may or may not have inspired this slightly........... enjoy! there will be a sequel btw ;) for plot's sake, yes, Sam is 23 and is still a virgin 🍾 Ask to be added to my taglists for future posts!

You couldn't believe your luck.

You notched the car into park, lips parted in disbelief. Holy shit. Rain bore down on the car from all sides, making an already dark night impossible to walk in, nevermind drive. Baby—or the Impala, you corrected yourself, since Sam always poked fun at you for picking up Dean's little nickname—had puttered out her last huff of warm air a few miles back. That left at least another hour’s worth of driving until you were back to Dean, who was waiting back where your present job was. There was no way you could get back in this weather. It'd be past midnight soon anyway, so…

You played your fingers on the wheel. Bent over it, squinting at the rain. Slumped back in your seat. All the while, Sam watched you go through the motions passively. He already knew what you knew: you'd have to camp here for the night. Just the two of you. Alone.

The universe had done everything short of smashing you together like kissing barbies. In this week alone, the messy line of feelings between you and Sam had been tested at least a hundred times. It was obscene. Ever since Sam's twenty-third birthday, all the forces of nature had woken to remind you at every turn how stupid horny you were for him. Sam was no longer the beanpole you could easily throw while sparring; there was a man in your passenger’s seat, a good deal taller than you on miles and miles of leg, with handsome, veiny arms and a lap made for sitting in. Your childhood crush had been nursed so long that it'd grown into love. But now that you were a twenty-five-year-old, full-time hunter, there was little room for a childhood novelty. You had instead made space for a covetous, needy desire that the universe loved to throw in your face.

Monday. Sam had helped Dean out with one of the less-than-junk cars in Bobby's yard, bent up under the bonnet, sweat and grime making his tee cling to the landscape of his back. And Jesus, what a landscape it was… Sloped and firm with experienced, long-developed muscle. Tuesday. Dean got on the subject of blowjobs, and Sam immediately got off the subject. Significantly, you learned he's never had one. Your mouth watered just sitting next to him. Wednesday. You risked using the last towels in the pile for your shower, each just big enough to close and cover your modesty—if you don’t stand up straight. Sam caught you coming out of said shower. He looked, looked some more, and you sniped at him for it around the saliva building in your mouth. All you wanted to do was claw his jeans around his ankles and blow him until he forgot his name. Sam lingered like he wanted the exact same thing, and both of you pretended to ignore the tent in his pants. Thursday. Sam coached you in long-bowing. You stood just inches apart in an empty field, Sam's shoes between your in the grass, and you fucked up every damn shot because Sam's massive hands were on your waist and your hips and in your belt-loops. He'd lean in until he was almost kissing the shell of your ear and say, S’ alright. Just focus on your footing. You're doing great, even though you hadn't hit a single target. Friday. You, him and Dean left for a North Dakota case. You had to share a bed with one of the boys, and Sam reminded you what sharing meant the whole night, huffing soft moaning breaths against the back of your neck in his sleep.

You resist the urge to clamp your thighs together. It'd been freezing cold in your room and you’d been sharing beds since you were young; to have just your backs pressed together was impressive. At one point, you turned over and Sam stretched back to meet you, his warm spine flush to your chest without hesitation, flaying you instantly. He’d seeped back into the mattress as content as could be. You resisted the urge to run your fingers through his floppy hair, or caress the smooth strip of flesh that the seam of his shirt didn't cover. You failed at the first—but to be fair, Sam's hair was in your face and it was annoying you and you had to be close, because the room was so cold. And your hand just ended up there. And then it ended up under his shirt, your nails stroking his stomach, because Sam was a tease who'd dragged your arm around him in the first place. He'd been shaking, it was so cold. You couldn't just let him freeze. Regardless, it was hard to say no to him when he was smoothing your palm against his ribs like that.

“Think we can make a run to get the blankets from the trunk?” Sam invited. “I can do it if you give me the keys.”

You wanted to say more to that, but you settled instead on taking the keys out of the Impala and dropping them in Sam’s waiting hand. “Thank you,” you murmured, and Sam bobbed his head once before braving the weather.

He was gone for less than a minute, but the clinging silence that rang in your ears could’ve gone on forever. The rain pounded across the car with a vendetta, plunking off the metal and hammering over your empty parking lot just as hard. It raced down the glass fast enough to make the outside world a shimmering blue mirage. Sam’s figure was a darker silhouette closer to the glass, and you busied yourself putting a sweater on as he dove inside.

“Dammit,” Sam cursed. He knew better than to shake his hair out on Dean’s good leather, so he tossed down the blankets in between you—and there was a generous gap—to hunt around the backseat for a towel. The amber streetlights gave you just one glimpse of Sam’s rain-streaked face. It shouldn’t have flushed your belly with want as much as it did, but that’s half the reason you were in this mess.

“S’ bad out there,” you said, obviously. Sam agreed with a hum, and together you sorted yourselves for relaxing before you slept.

Before, you’d had the car on and the heater going, so you were mostly okay with your jackets tossed in the backseat. Sam had on a tee and a moss-colored sweater to keep him warm, and you had the thought of his firm muscle underneath those layers to keep you warm. Though more cold had seeped back into the Impala, you didn’t put on your jacket, toeing off your boots in the footwell. You piled on your blankets and curled up against the seat, Sam doing the same. He hadn’t put his jacket on either.

You shared a glance. Well, it was more like Sam was already looking at you and you caught him, flushing up to your ears. “There’s no way we won’t make it there til morning,” he said, “I’ll text Dean.”

“Good idea,” you agreed. You brought your legs closer to your chest, bumping Sam’s thigh with a stray foot. To your surprise, he glanced up at you at the contact, and again you found one of his coy glances. You couldn’t believe it. Was he...?

All four burners in your body flicked onto a simmer at the same time. You bit your lip, taking him in as he was illuminated by his phone’s screen, wet twisting curls of hair in his eyes. “S’ okay. I don’t think Dean will care, with how slow this case is going. Though I can guess why you’re so eager to get back,” you tested the waters with a sly smile. “That witness—Miss Checknik, she was really aiming to get you alone, huh?”

Sam was still raw from Dean pressing his buttons on this, so he was shier than usual when he mumbled, “It’s… not like that… I’ve never even done that before.”

“What?” you blurted. “Had sex?”

Sam’s gaze snapped up to yours. Around you the rain roared, but you still caught his subtle hitch of breath. His pause went on for another telling amount of time, until Sam’s ears were red too. “...It’s not like you have either,” he muttered.

This had to be on purpose. You tossed an arm over the back of the seat, knuckles against your cheek and a growing, sly smile on your face.

Sam sat up. “You’re kidding. Really?”

You slouched, huffing. “What, is that a surprise or something?”

“No,” Sam spoke a little too quickly, like he’d been thinking about it. He swallowed. “No, not at all. I was just…”

You wet your lips and let your eyes drift over him. Sam sat stiff in your passenger's seat, legs crossed a little too tightly, his hands folded together over his lap, hiding a building, jealous hard-on. A muscle jumped in his neck. The shivery warmth that reigned over you every time Sam entered the room conquered you again, watching him squirm, and you couldn't help but do the math. You could… you could make an offer. If he said no, that was fine. All you’d have to do was endure a night's sleep in the car with him then a few awkward days afterward—but you and Sam had done that dance a hundred times before, after kissing for spin-the-bottle or getting caught lusting after each other, so maybe this was it. This week had been filled with omens.

You went all in.

“We travel a lot and it relieves stress, so… I’ve picked up a few dates. Bar-flings, heat-of-the-moment stuff with hunters, every once in a while.”

You risked a glance at him through your lashes. Sam had inched closer to listen, just enough for you to notice, and was clearly trying to sculpt his face into something less interested—but his eyes were glazed and his attention was rapt. You had him right on the hook.

Sam swallowed. His voice was thick with arousal. “I, um, didn't know that was your thing.”

You shrugged, “I don’t enjoy it as much as Dean does, but yeah. The guys I pick up, I mean—they’re okay. Most can't find their way around a bra, never mind… well, y’know. You get what you can get. But the other parts, the fun parts of sex…” Even you were blushing at how dirty your smile felt. “I'm real lucky, Sam. Most girls don't get off making their partners happy, but I do. It's… made me real good.” You twisted so your chest was pushed toward him, feeling yourself ache in your jeans. You hushed coyly: “I’m told I’m a real natural with my mouth.”

“Really.” Sam repeated. He sputtered out a half-hearted chuckle. His cheeks had gone all cute and ruddy with a blush, exposing the lighter moles on his face.

“Really,” you promised.

The look on Sam's face went beyond teasing, now. You’d told yourself you were just messing around with him, but Sam was twitching in his seat, suddenly unable to sit right, and all the years of play-flirting had apparently stacked too high. Something hot and magnetic had brought you closer and closer together in the Impala’s front seat. Sam was frozen like he wanted to crawl out into the rain and disappear—always so shy, so easy—but something else rooted him to the spot this time. One more motion and you could close that measly gap blazing between you, get his skin pressed firmly to yours. Your arms and back and belly crawled with a phantom itch, and Sam's hands looked so perfect and big that you knew they could fix that feeling. Your mouth felt wet and lonely. Sam's was right there, panting as he waited for you to do something.

“Have you really never had sex before?” You filled Sam's flushed silence. You scrutinized him, brows furrowed with sympathy. “Not even a blowjob?”

Sam's whole body hitched like a slow to start engine at the word. He temporarily forgot himself, choking on his breath and roaming his sweaty palms across his thighs—uncovering, for just an instant, the outline of something firm and big in his jeans.

Still, Sam's eyes couldn't shake yours.

“Um, no,” Sam admitted. “Never had t-the… opportunity, I guess. Or the right person.”

“Would you?” You scrambled to let the words loose, then resettled in your seat, lounging back and stifling your excitement. Sam's dick. Sam's big, virgin dick in your mouth. “If the right person…” you gestured vaguely, like this was still at all a hypothetical, “gave you the opportunity?”

It took Sam a second, eyes flickering fast over your face beneath his bangs, but eventually, he gave a single short nod.

A nuclear reactor’s worth of heat sizzled up from your toes. It bubbled out of you in a pleased, purring sigh, and you could barely suppress your grin, your butterflies, your nervousness, when you crawled into the cold space beside him on the bench. You leaned in slow by his ear. Your nails played across his thudding pulse, his taut neck, spurring Sam’s breaths into gasps. At an agonizing pace, you dragged your soft nails behind his ear, to the tingling nape of Sam's neck, and relished in the feel of his flesh like a vampire as you stroked him there. The blunts of your nails scratched gently at his hairline. Sam squeezed out a soft moaning sigh, so sweet and trusting that you closed your eyes to soak in it all the way.

After a few strokes of your nails to Sam's shivering skin, you fanned your warm breath down his shuddering collar and barely kept yourself from moaning in his ear: “I’m real smart with my mouth, Sammy… I could make your first time good for you. Better n’ good, even.”

He sat there in utter disbelief. Sam breathed hard, and now that your hand was on him, his squirming had stopped. After a deep, weighing pause, Sam removed his hands from his lap and slid them down to his knees instead, tasting the growing appetite in his mouth.

“...What would it feel like?” The rasp in his voice made you instantly wet.

You flushed. “You want me to describe it to you?”

Sam gave a shy shrug of his shoulders, playing innocent, but that clever smile of his had been haunting you all week. He knew precisely what he was doing. “Never had one,” Sam reminded.

The car was suddenly boiling. You had kicked off your blanket a long time ago, and so had Sam, which left you in layers that neither of you wanted anymore.

“Well,” you breathed out, amused. You gave yourself room to undo your coat, and Sam hung on every motion, making each exposed inch of you feel needy and overheated. “I really only know it from the giver's point of view, but, um, it's really fun for guys. I'm sure you've heard other men talk about it before. Unwinds your whole body and blows your mind, done right,” you talked as you shed your coat. “If they made it sound easy to give a good blowjob, Sam—it’s not. You have to know what you're doing, how to read your partner… know what they like… luckily for you,” you hummed, “I've never had a complaint.”

Sam nodded after nearly everything you said, unsure where to settle his hands or what to say. He looked more demure than you’d ever seen him, and it was so cute to you it was almost unbearable. You could imagine him making that exact face at you with his wet dick pushing into the inside of your cheek—all bashful but desperate, hinged on your every word, your every lick. The thought of all the pretty sounds he'd make when you blew him left you on sensory overload, and the only thing that would fix it was Sam kissing you breathless.

It struck you that Sam was really gonna let you do this for him, after years of him caring too much about you to let you take care of him. You were left with a peculiar rush; Sam trusted you.

“Blowjobs are… all the good bits of kissing and jerking off put together,” you explained. You settled back where you’d been before, hanging on Sam's shoulder and talking filthy in his ear as he quivered with want. This time your nails drew circles on his collar, and Sam surprised you by squeezing his hand around your thigh to steady himself. You could've cum on the spot. A flood of heat burned down your gut and throbbed between your legs, soaking your underwear clean through.

You’d never stopped looking at each other, but your faces were closer than ever and the eye contact felt explosive. It was dark but for the streetlight, and quiet but for the endless rain, both aspects of life you saw every day—monsters in the dark and a storm banging on the car. But with Sam there, these everyday mundanes felt… romantic. Passionate, like the movies. His eyes were this beautiful, soft fawn brown. You couldn't wait to see that slip of color admire you from between Sam's thighs.

“The girl, she’ll…” your mouth flooded with drool. “I’ll get down on my knees for you,” you corrected, boldly.

Sam sucked in a shaky breath, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you rasped. “And I'll get nice and comfy there, because I'm gonna waste as much time on you as I can…”

Your hand graduated into his hair again, since Sam forgot how to breathe each time you did it, and with it occupied you lingered on his face. Sam looked piss-drunk with lust; his head was on a swivel, lolling in whatever direction you went, his lashes fluttering low on red-patched cheeks. “I'm gonna take my time getting your pants off, y’know, tickling your legs.” A particularly dirty thought occurred to you, and it must've shown on your face because Sam's parted lips opened further. “Maybe, if you wanted, I could do this little trick I learned with my teeth… open your fly that way. You want that?”

Sam's eyes flicked down to your mouth, thinking. “I do,” he bobbed his head, “I really do.”

“Okay.” You pet Sam's chest, and coupled with the attention of your nails in his hair, a moan seeped out of him, vibrating somewhere deep under your hand. You grinned a shark’s grin. “...Then I'd look at you like that, cause’ that's what I've been dying to do for ages, see you all hard for me and nobody else. You might kill me cause’ you're so beautiful, Sam. And I'd kiss you everywhere I could… all over your thighs, your hips, the muscles in your stomach, your dick… your cock.” A whine jumped out of Sam's throat. Just the word made your throat feel open. “When you're squirming and begging for me to pull you out, I'll take off your boxer briefs, too, the blue ones I know you're wearing—” You’d seen him in them that morning, when he'd crossed his arms and his shirt had rucked up enough to flash some belly. Sam huffed an embarrassed laugh, and you kept going. “I know exactly what I'll do when your boxers are off, cause’ I've been waiting years for it. M’ gonna take your dick in my hand and just admire it, feel how big it is, imagine what it'll be like inside me—” Sam cursed aloud at that, “—inside my warm, wet mouth. I've been imagining what it looks and feels like for so long, Sammy, I think I deserve to see the real deal. Don't you think?”

You ran a finger along Sam's collarbone, and he rolled into it, chasing the slightest touch of your hand regardless if it was on his dick or not. You hadn't even drifted below his belt yet, and Sam was still arching into your touch like it would make him cum. He nodded mindlessly, sweat and rain making his hair cling to his face. “God,” he swore. “You do, ____—you d’serve it so much… so much…”

You cupped Sam's sweaty, tacky jaw, and he sighed like you’d rubbed him through his jeans. You resisted the urge to do just that, asking, “Can I have a kiss, Sammy?”

Sam peeled himself off the seat and rolled into your arms. The hand on your thigh was joined by a second, bracing his huge, sturdy palms on your legs in a way that made you grateful you weren't balancing on them, and with his face nestled in your hands and his eyes all dewy for you, Sam kissed you. You knew that that was it—every time you found your way to a kiss with him, it was the final straw. You loved him. Sam kissed you like he loved you too, pecking you soft and light like you were his dream girl, like he only wanted to treat you gentle, since so often his hands were forced to do the opposite. Quickly, your fingers were in his rain-tangled hair. Sam drew back to groan and then angled his head, pecking you in deep and loving bursts until you were giggling at him. He kissed those giggles too, smiling into his dimples. Sam never failed to make your heart go rabid when he did that, kissing you good; you had seen him kiss other girls before, and he never seemed as skilled or intuitive unless it was with you. Something tirelessly drove him to impress you.

You urged Sam's back flat to the seat again. With your leverage returned, you cupped his neck, then his shoulders, slipping your hands into his shirt, first through his collar and then up his stomach, palms seeking and appreciative. His flesh was warm and his figure was firm or yielding in all the right places. Sometimes, when you sparred and Sam was on top of you, or when you shared beds and his back was pressed to yours, you got glimpses of what Sam felt like. But now that you were free to roam where you pleased, only one signal could make its way through your nervous system: he is so beautiful. You uttered this to him in a frenzy. Sam couldn't get any redder, but you could feel his skin get warmer yourself, could press your hands flat to it and feel the life underneath, which was all the response you needed.

You licked your way into Sam's mouth. He was pliant for you as you did, whole-heartedly enjoying the filthiness of your tongue lapping and sucking at his, even if it was new to him. You laved yours from his bottom lip, across his open, wet mouth and flat against his top lip, prying approving little sounds from him. Butterflies furled and unfurled their wings in your stomach.

When you finally freed yourself, you sucked down breaths open-mouthed and fell back on your haunches.

“That's how it's gonna feel on your cock,” you proclaimed, and swiped a line of spit off his chin.

“Yeah?” Sam panted.

You wormed your fingers under the seam of your tight tee and yanked it over your head, cursing at him in a wrecked whisper. “Yeah. Then I'm gonna put you all the way in my throat, every inch of you, lickin’ and kissin’ all I can get. And when you're ready to cum, m’ gonna play with you, n’ hold you in mouth and make you sit like that.”

Sam mewled, only making your craze to get your pants off even worse. “Why?”

“‘Cause you've tortured me, baby,” you swore. You rocked back onto your tailbone and wormed off your bottoms, sucking back spit at the sight of Sam puppy-dog-eying you and palming his dick—palming his dick because of you, because of your lacy black underwear and how it looked on you. You knew you looked hot. But Sam made you feel it, like you were a Victoria's Secret cover model, like you were the hottest girl he'd ever seen, naked or otherwise. And you were—Sam had never been with anyone else. “Look at me, Sammy. You've tortured me. Made me wait to kiss you and touch you like this for so long, I almost lost my mind. So you're gonna get a taste of your own medicine, just for a bit—and when I think you can't take it anymore, just like me, then I'm gonna let you cum wherever you want. On my face, my tits, on my stomach…” you choked back a wave of unbridled, insatiable want, groaning out, “...in my mouth… inside me...”

The low, guttural noise puttering out of Sam broke. He took you by the underarms and yanked you against him, genuinely hauling you off your ass with a strength you forgot he had, little pants and miserable snarling moans pouring from him. Your mouths slotted together hard and unprettily. It knocked a girlish laugh out of you—when Sam let you breathe between sucking your face off, anyway.

“You like that idea, huh?” You teased.

Sam dropped a hand across your temple. His hand was so big that it could cover the entirety of your face, or perfectly seal over your mouth. In ways no other man had ever done for you, he stroked your hair back all tender just so he could get a look at his girl. You nuzzled into the weight without any mind for where you were going, knowing nothing but Sam’s love and Sam’s chest expanding and shrinking between you.

Those big fawn eyes wondered up at you. “You’d let me do that? Already?”

“I’d let you do anything.” You dropped what remained of your filter. This was truly dumbfounding to him, apparently, because Sam sat there stupidly for a second with his mouth open. He snapped it shut as you neared your faces, making it even easier to press a kiss to the seam of his mouth. “Any other man would take advantage of that chance. M’ not stupid. But you’re the only one I can think of who’d… who’d,” you searched for the words, admiring Sam’s nosebridge with your thumb. He had such pretty moles. “You’d be good to me,” you concluded.

Sam blinked. “...I’d want to be,” he smiled, sounding dulcet. Again, Sam brushed back your hair. “I mean… Anybody who wouldn’t be good to you i-is… is an idiot.”

“Exactly,” you smirked. Slow and sultry, you pressed your nose and lips into the plush of Sam’s cheek and dragged, then a little more, just glimpsing the skin with yours. He was ready and shuddering when your lips were at his ear. “That’s why it’s you I’m thinking about when I’m fingering myself.”

Another weak sound wept out of Sam. Christ, the noises he could make. If your imagination had even come close to the real thing, you would’ve been this dirty-mouthed with him ages ago.

Sam cursed, “Jesus, ____.”

“It’s true.” You pressed this promise with a kiss into his cheek, then again, at his jaw, letting yourself sink into each one with boundless pleasure. Sam melted helplessly against you, ears perked. “Every day. Every time I took a shower, after sharing a bed with you all weekend. I was always soaking wet because of something you’d done hours ago that I just couldn’t shake, hot out of my mind…” you swallowed down another onslaught of drool. “I pictured you having a hard day, y’know, needing something to perk you up. I’d haul your jeans down and lick you all over like an ice cream cone.”

Sam’s whole upper body was blushing so hard now that steam floated off him. “God, me too.”

Your brows raised. “Yeah?”

He nodded himself dizzy. “That same thing. You having a hard day. I’d… I’d…”

You leaned in, blinking in shock. “How did you imagine it?”

“We’d be kissing.” One of his long, too-long-to-be-wasted fingers followed a thread of your panties. “On your bed, the Impala, wherever we could find. I’d lay back and… and you’d crawl on top of me��get your legs around my head—”

Sam’s hot, moist breath tickled your face. So close, with your lips wet from Sam’s kissing already, it was all too easy to follow along with his fantasy. Sitting in his lap in the backseat. Laying him down there, your palms flat and steadying on his chest. Curling your thighs around his face until his nose pressed up into you, then his mouth, slipping open, and his hot, silky tongue taking long drinks of you. The sensory ghost of it alone could’ve made you cum.

You blurted: “You’d eat me out?”

One man-paw of his smoothed down the planes of your back, palming big handfuls of your skin. Now, it was his turn to smile wolfishly. Sam confessed: “I’ve always wanted to.”

The admission temporarily launched you into orbit, and for a long time you hung there, clinging to him by the shirt, dully aware of the rainy smell of him and how hard your cunt was pulsing. Sam. Your Sam, sitting with these thoughts in his head. At the same time that you were pushing your knees together when he sat beside you at the dinner table, Sam was fantasizing about getting between them. The eroticism of it already had you close to edge. Anytime you’d ever been with him, at some point, Sam had to have thought about how his fingers would feel digging into your ass-flesh while he fucked you with his tongue, while you squealed his name, the flat of your toes curled against his shoulders. Uncensored. He could’ve revealed any fantasy on top of that, but he chose this one. The one that had him pleasuring you and fucking loving it. Sam didn’t just want you—he wanted the angle that could get him the most of you, the most exposed and honest position. You fucking loved him.

You were tonguing into his mouth before Sam could finish, both hands in possessive fists around his shirt. Sam started laughing, the asshole, but you persisted, closing him in with passionate dips of your head and kissing him senseless. Your hands feasted on him, clawing into his hair and down the back of his shirt and around again. Nothing was enough. You were convinced you wouldn’t be satisfied until you were Sam, or melded into him somehow, like chocolate chips in a warm pot.

“Thought about… tasting you n’ makin’ you feel good,” Sam hissed. “So good that you’d have’ta put your fist in your mouth to stop yourself from screaming. You’d put your hands in my hair a-and… and… shit, you’d taste so good. I want to taste you so bad, ____. Want you to—” he leached you into a long, surging kiss, purring deep in his throat, “sit on my face.”

You wrestled down a choked whine, which Sam swallowed. Every movement of his mouth went straight to your pussy, echoing there. Sam must’ve known this, because he kissed you exactly as he would between your thighs, all tongue and sucking lips, unbearably hot in comparison to your untouched cunt. You could almost feel the blazing front of his mouth bearing down on you there, his breath fanning over you and his tongue—god, his fucking tongue—flexing into your clit. You broke away.

Sam’s hands hesitated at the top of your back, then all at once took two whole handfuls of your ass, and pushed up with his hips to open your thighs for him. You let slip a helpless moan. His hands were warm and calloused and everywhere, except for the precise place you needed him most. But above all else, Sam was a selfless, loving man, so immediately he was moving to drag down your panties.

“Please,” he choked. “Please, ____, please, I can—I can do it for you—lemme do it for you, baby. Let me take care a’ you.”

“Sam.”

You pressed both palms flat to Sam’s chest in an order. Sam immediately stopped, though he did not look pleased about it. You took a breath to realize the pussy-eating fiend you were soon to have all to yourself, then stepped back to your initial focus. “You’ll have to wait. Want you first, pretty boy. Have you ever even done that before?”

Sam shook his head, sending his bangs fluttering around his face. He pouted. His hands coasted along your arms, dragging you down and into him still.

Bleeding with earnestness, he husked, “No. But I’ll learn for you. I’ll practice on you over and over again, til’ I’m better than anybody you’ve ever had that way. S’ all I want.”

You bit your lip and, god, was it impossible to say no to him.

“I'm all yours, Sammy. Whatever you need, you know I'll give it to you. But we’re gonna do this first, okay?”

You wanted his first time to be good, better than good, all because of you. You wanted to be his second time. His third time too, and every time after that. And if that didn't work out, then you hoped that every time he got a blowjob in the future, it was a good one. Even if it’d be downright pitiful in comparison to the way you were gonna suck his brains out now.

You reached between you and gave Sam's strained cock a generous squeeze.

Sam lost it. “Please, you, please please—” he all but sobbed. His hips rolled up and his knees snapped apart, making room for you, inviting you in, hands making marks on your arm in his scramble for touch. “Please. I-I need it, I need—I need you, god, I want to feel—”

You hung back, absorbing the result of your work. You’d barely touched him and Sam was already out of his mind. He'd had orgasms before—you’d heard him reaching them through the wall in the shower, and his desperate choking breaths were so hot that you had touched yourself right outside the door—but as good as they'd sounded, you were determined to blow them out of the race.

Sam started for his fly, which was your cue to step in. You waved his hands away, guiding them to his stomach, where they fisted in his shirt and drew it up over his sculpted naval. You shushed and soothed, “Sam, Sammy—s’okay, you're okay. I'll take care of you, alright? I'll start right now,” you peppered kisses on his face, bent beside him on your knees. “We gotta get the seat back. Help me?”

You pushed the Impala’s bench back as far as it could go, and you made sure to lay the backrest down a few more inches, too, so Sam could relax and you had a good angle on his face. He was equally considerate and folded up a blanket for you to sit on in the footwell. As soon as Sam sat up, you evaporated into his lap. You expected him to go shy on you again, but this time Sam helped you settle there, clenching his teeth and dragging his eyes up your figure. You stood still for the examination, and the longer it went on the warmer your flaming skin got. Both of Sam’s unreasonably big hands landed on your waist at the same time, and for a moment your roles reversed, Sam’s eyes smoky and heavy-lidded as he devoured the sight of you. You felt yourself throb pathetically in your panties. You were probably the first girl Sam had ever seen intimately; and, in true Sam fashion, he consumed the new sight, cataloging and learning things. A tiny whine slipped out of you when his fingers dug into your thighs, then again when Sam’s thumb brushed under the band of your bra.

“I'm all yours,” you reminded with a smile you hoped was confident. If it was, it was ruined by you shyly and awkwardly reaching for the clasp of your bra. “Whatever you want, Sam, I can do.”

He gazed up at you through his bangs, expression bleeding with love and boyish frankness. “What do you want?”

“To make you happy,” you answered, without question. “To make this night good for you, even if it's the only night we'll have.”

Sam shook his head, absent-minded. A slow, clever, panty-dropping smile developed on his face, something that was clearly common in the men of his family.

“You said that most guys you're with, like this…” he thought aloud. Sam brought you close to him, and when your shadow fell across him and you were nose to nose, he slid two warm fingers up your back and click—he was pulling your brassiere off your shoulders. “You said that most of them can't find a way around a bra, nevermind you,” he observed. “We're going to need more nights if I'm going to prove to you that I'm different.”

“Sam,” you whispered, “you were always different from them.”

You pushed him back against the seat, aligning his spine with it, and as soon as Sam hung his arms over his head you were kissing him wet and deep, both of your hands sliding and groping along the firm muscle of his raised biceps. Now only a flimsy tee stood between them, and you were as rude with it as you were with anything else keeping you from Sam. The long, muscular frame you’d been fantasizing about for years was exposed to you now, and you wasted no time getting acquainted with it. Only recently had Sam started to linger in wet t-shirts in front of you or guide your hands under his shirt as you cuddled—for longer, you’d had no clue what he looked like under his clothes. Dean got all the credit for being John's perfect hunter, but Sam had the perfect hunter's body, barrel-chested huge and wood-shattering strong.

You sunk onto your hands and knees, palming him, groping him, caressing him, outlining the lines of his muscles and his ribs with your fingers. Nobody could resist the temptation to kiss him all over, and in all fairness, you had promised. You dragged your mouth down Sam's chest, kissing the center seam of his body to his happy trail. You almost lost yourself pleasuring him this way; at the sound of Sam's deep breathing, you endured, hovering over your prize instead. You knew you must've looked beyond turned on: your dark eyes were wild, dilated and glittering with want, your panties were soaked through and your lip was almost bleeding you were biting it so hard.

“Fuck,” you cursed, settled back on Sam's thighs, “I've wanted to blow you stupid for years, Sam… it didn't matter what you looked like underneath here or not… but fuck, I feel like a schoolgirl, drooling over all these muscles. You used to be so lanky.”

“Hard to be healthy on the road,” Sam flushed. “We're fighting monsters every day, it’d be stupid to die to a heart condition…or… something.”

“Yeah,” you groaned before you could contain yourself, “but you're sure not making this crush I have on you any easier.”

Sam whispered, sounding coy as he plucked the waistband of your panties. There was that dimply smile again. “You got a crush on me, pretty girl?”

The next words poured out of you as sensually and devoutly as you felt them: “Yeah,” slow, you dismounted his thighs, folded your legs in between Sam's, and finally, finally, sunk on your shins into the footwell. “You wanna see what I do for the men I crush on, baby?”

“So bad. So damn bad,” Sam begged, and it was surreal to finally see what he looked like from this angle, since you’d been dreaming of it for so long. His head lolled back and all you could see of him was the sexy column of his throat and all the soft red lines you’d put in his skin there, just bright enough to see. His chin lowered so Sam could look at you, and sweet lord—there were those fawn brown eyes, drowning in the darkness and the black of his lashes. They boiled over with devotion and willingness and thirst, teased for far too long now. You almost felt bad enough to cut him some slack. But now you were here, with Sam's cock just inches from where it should be, and you couldn't just start going easy on him.

You did exactly what you said you would, so Sam knew what was coming. As promised, you hunkered down on the blanket Sam had folded, letting your knees settle comfortably on the floor. Then you started in on him. You played your nails across his legs, stroking the sides of his thighs, feeling how his pants clung to his skin. On his lap, it was impossible not to fantasize about Sam sitting you on one of his legs and inviting you to rut across his solid, powerful jean-clad thigh. It took a lot to make you feel tiny—but Sam did just that. Crouched down at his feet like this, Sam only seemed bigger and his body better built than usual. You pressed your cheek against his inner thigh and just basked in him.

Sam writhed having you so close to the source of his suffering. “Please,” he sighed below his breath.

“Please what?” You grinned, wolfish.

You turned inwards and kissed the inner seam of Sam's jeans, right on the denim path to his aching cock. Just inches from your face, angled down Sam's pantleg, was a heavy, massive tent more than the width of both your hands put together. Fuck, it'd been even longer since your last good blowjob than you’d thought it'd been. Just seeing the outline made your cunt pulse. Pressing your kiss-swollen lips to the denim above the head bolted molten hot desire straight to your core, and for Sam it was no less extreme, his hands curling into fists on his chest.

His eyes squeezed shut, and the little hoarse squeak that left him made you forget your gag reflex entirely. Sam moaned, “Please please please put me in your mouth—____, p-please.”

“I think you're a little ahead of me, Sammy…”

Your voice dripped with liquid sex. You steadied your hands on Sam's knees and bent forward again, nuzzling his cock with your nose and cheeks, glittering obsidian eyes devouring Sam's softest reactions. He was sensitive—even more sensitive than you’d been hoping for. Just the tiniest lick through scratchy fabric had his toes curling. Again, your nails scraped down his thighs. This time you leaned forward as the gesture drew back, bringing you up to Sam's happy trail. And man, happy it was–it was the centerpiece for miles of twitching, gleaming, sweaty muscle, soft-blended abs, hard-cut v-lines and all.

“Let's start by getting these tight, constricting pants off your first.” you smirked. “How does that sound? You must be uncomfortable, Sammy.”

He was, to the point that just the thought of getting them off had his hips arching toward you on the seat. Pitifully, Sam pleaded, “____. C'mon. Anything.”

“S’okay…” you whispered. You kissed the button of his jeans. “I'll get it off and you'll feel so good, darlin…”

Sam watched you from over his heaving chest, so hard that he was delirious, quavering miserably when your touch disappeared. His soft desperate gasps reminded you of the noises he made when he had dirty dreams sleeping next to you. The few times it'd happened, you just endured it until you drifted off to fatally horny sleep. But once it'd been your name he was sighing like that. It took every ounce of strength you had not to roll over and jerk him off right there. The scene was so vivid it was painful, and you could easily imagine yourself cuddling up to his back and stroking him sweet and slow half-out of his pajama pants, your cheek to his shoulder. Or even better, crawling under your shared sheets and deepthroating him awake. You wondered if Sam had ever heard the dreams you had of him. Or how many times you’d fucked yourself in the shower, imagining him reaming you into the tile like an animal. You had never dreamt of another man that way, or loved a different one so terribly that it made you reckless.

Sam watched you with wide, long-lashed eyes. Nobody else could look so innocent watching somebody get ready to suck their dick. Every time you glanced past his chest, you expected the perverted revelry you got from your other partners to reveal itself on his face. But, god. Sam. He basked in you, in your touch, arching up to meet your hands and worshipping your with his gaze. Love downpoured from every molecule of him. All his reserve had shredded away, taking any reason he had to hide right along with it. I love you I love you I love you, his body wept.

The second you got the fabric corner of his jean-opening in your teeth, Sam’s lips parted, and you remembered all the times you’d tie cherry stems in your mouth to impress him—how many popsicles you’d enjoyed all too slowly and vocally while Sam was watching. It took just one pull of your chin and his fly was off the button. One more and his zipper was in your teeth. You dragged down your head, sultry eyes never leaving his even when you got his fly open, and soaked up the look on Sam's face as he realized the kind of professional he was dealing with.

“...Wow,” Sam gaped. I've hit the jackpot, his wide eyes said.

“Up,” you instructed, and let your grin say the rest. Excitement was burning between your legs now. You tugged on his belt loops until Sam raised his hips, giving you the room to pile them around his ankles.

When you brought your eyes back up, your breath caught. Sam was hard enough to crack steel. You couldn't believe your own luck here. The boy you’d been head over heels for since before you could speak, the man you’d devoted half your life to, and he was so hot for you that he could hardly breathe.

“You don't know how long I've been fantasizing about this.” Your voice was almost too hoarse to hear over the rain, a prayer's voice. You drew yourself between Sam's thighs, and shaking from head to toe with hunger, you spread both palms over his hips and dragged your mouth up Sam's length in his boxers.

Sam had already given himself up to the pleasure. His nails seared into the upholstery, and he moaned, rocketing up, off his back, rocking into you already. The neediness of it burst another tank of heat and love and lust inside you—your Sam, above you, about to be yours, begging so pretty for you… Fuck, heaven would be boring in comparison.

“____, please, baby, please I need it,” he almost sobbed, “I'll do anything anything ____ I ju-just, I just want you. I want your mouth on me I wanna—god, please ____, how good you feel, I want it, please—”

“Anything you want, Sammy, you can have anything,” you soothed, muffled and slurred by your dragging kisses.

“M’ all yours, all yours, all this cock just for you, g-god yeah—your mouth ____ please I need your mouth—”

There was so much drool built up under your tongue that you had to swallow to speak—but you decided against it, saving it for your prize instead. You couldn't wait a second more. You were hooking your fingers in Sam's briefs before you could second-guess, before you could even think to judge if you should unravel Sam a little more—but he was there, bucking for you already, so there was no use waiting. He couldn't even lift his hips before you’d yanked his boxers out of the way. You felt him in your hand and all of it—the length of his cock, the weight of it, the fact that it was Sam, had you sinking into his lap like a priest into a sermon, flesh into the earth, and instantly you threw yourself into the task like you’d never done for any other man. This was for Sam.

You took in just a bit of him at first, enough to introduce him to the hot, velvety heat of your mouth and wet him with a single good suck. Sam's sob cut off with his breath. He was careful to treat you right, even like this. One of his hands had startled into your hair, the pleasure was so much for him. It never did anything more than jolt—he wasn't the type to just shove you on him, anyway. Your smile felt obscene with your lips slick and swollen around him; your tongue gave the lightest lap at the special spot under his tip, and Sam strangled down a filthy, whining mewl. His head was plump and comfortable on your jaw, so you gave it your first dose of attention, loosening your seal around it so you could share your drool with the rest of him. You hollowed your cheeks and brought him a little further into your mouth, shattering what remained of Sam's strength. He sunk back against the seat, exhausted, and watched you bracingly from above, sucking down breaths. Already, there was enough spit on him to make Sam's cock gleam like your lips. It clung to your chin and the tip of your nose in shining patches. Sam ran a hand through his hair and lazily studied you as you sucked him off, falling further in love with you by the second.

“That's it,” Sam cooed. He sounded broken and thready, but he insisted on curling your hair around his fingers, dizzy. “So good, ____—suck it, just like that, please, baby, j-just… ohh, fuckkk…”

Suck it, he'd said. You did as told. The command vibrated through your whole overshot body, and your throbbing, weeping cunt only felt emptier hearing the order. Sam filled up your mouth so well that your cheeks were puffy. He was the perfect size for you—a damn perfect masterpiece. His girth sat thick in your hands, veiny in ways that you wanted to feel with your pussy. Oral had always been enough before, but already you wanted Sam more than air, and more than that, wanted to blow him so good that he'd reward you for it. You tested out a few lower bobs, his cock slick and sticky between your fingers now, and every time you suckled on him Sam squeezed his eyes shut all pretty. The rain was dying out, so the liquid noise your lips made on him filled every crevice of the Impala louder than before. The pop of you slipping off his cock almost echoed.

“Tell me what you want,” you coached, your voice just as broken and hushed as Sam's. You couldn't even part from him that long, and dipped again to whorl your tongue around Sam's heavy tip. “Whatever you need, Sam,” you punctuated the reminder with a long, flat drag of your tongue from his base to the special spot under his tip, and beamed; Sam yelped. “I love it… I love,” you swallowed, “I love doing this for you.”

Sam worked his fingers into your untamed hair, and you did fucking love it. On the floor your knees were aching, but it and everything else was numb to the rolling glide of cock slotting into your mouth, of Sam reveling in your lips and tongue on him, watching you give it all just because he asked.

Sam’s knuckles caressed your cheekbone. “Wrap your lips around the head. Tight.”

You listened. He was more than comfortable on your jaw now, so your lips molded nicely to him, sealing and hollowing so he was even more snug in his new favorite place.

“Good girl,” Sam groaned, probably on instinct, but you stroked him faster for the praise, so he repeated it until his mind was muddy. “Lick the part unde—oh very, very good girl… I wish you could see yourself… I-I want…” he hissed in delight, “you look so pretty, ____… so pretty with my cock in your mouth, god…”

Holy shit. You had never really paid attention to that kind of talk before during sex, busied with the task at hand, but there was something euphoric about the way he said it to you now, your shy Sam, your Sam, his voice raspy, his pink mouth panting and open, his hands all over you, talking to you like he’d always wanted to say that. Your cunt ached.

With a deadly rumble spilling up from your chest, you slipped off his head and laved your gluttonous mouth down Sam’s soaking shaft, kissing, tonguing and sucking at whatever flesh you could find.

“Keep talking like that,” you begged into his base, breathless.

Sam listened. He cupped the sweat-slick nape of your neck, his hand easily broad enough to cover your back blade to blade, and in a messy, groping haze, dragged it up against your cheek. “Never seen you like this,” he purred, “eyes… all dark and… hot… lookin’ up at me… you’re so tiny between my legs like that.”

You couldn’t have restrained yourself if you tried. A weak whine seeped out of you. Sam’s thumb pushed into your cheek and you turned, lapping at it, then covering his hand with one of your own and searing kisses all over his palm. It was heavy and perfect for smudging your nose into. You sunk two open-mouthed kisses into Sam’s wrist where his bracelet was, then up his forearm, knowing only his body and how it could connect to your mouth. His pulse thudded furiously. Just as fast as you’d nuzzled up to him, you returned to Sam’s thick thumb, sucking it deep and right as he watched in rapture. The filthy delight written all over those mesmerized eyes had you praying to him.

“Wanna do this all the time,” Sam swallowed. He was all stream-of-consciousness now, too frenzied to filter himself. “Watch you suck me off… watch those perfect lips disappear around me, _____… y-you… oh, god, you are a natural, baby…”

His other hand, again, flushed your hair away from her forehead. All the love put into your face at once rooted you to the spot. It was miraculous, how special Sam could make you feel with just a few light touches. Bleeding with tenderness, he caressed your shoulders, your cheeks, your jaw, your hair, feasting on you as you had him.

Sam pushed the meat of his thumb into your swollen lip. “Open for me. Yeah… oh, yeah, let me watch you put it in…”

Your lips parted, mostly out of shock—when had Sam started thinking like this? A deeper part of your mind registered it all as innocent teasing, since Sam could never hurt or demean you; he was the basest definition of good to you. Regardless, you were more than willing to obey, and opened wide, tongue splayed for the heavy head of Sam’s dick. The extra kick of his pre-come had your toes curling every single time. But combined with Sam’s ruddy-cheeked, enraptured staring, just one touch to your clit would bring you over the edge. You forced your knees apart on the floor and held off. Just in case Sam intended to keep his promise.

The easiest way to put Sam’s dick into words was by comparing it to a warm, solid lollipop that took up your whole mouth, like the twisty kind from the carnival that eclipsed your whole face, chin to forehead. You’d been mourning Sam’s scrawniness after his four years away at college, but now you were nothing but grateful for the extra mass. Sam was really, really big. Bigger than anyone else you’d been with. He could’ve been any size and you would’ve been just as rabid for him, but there was something specifically hot about sucking him down as far as you could and failing to hit the bottom. It took effort to get there. You lazily pumped what you had left of his shaft, and in slow, deliberate surges of your spit-wet mouth, you earned an inch, then another.

Sam moaned so gutturally you felt it rumble under your palms. It was so Sam, in that it was like any sound you’d ever heard him make, sighing at a stupid joke, snarling during a fight, but this time it was him losing it because you were giving him a blowjob. Because you’d snuck away like idiot teenagers and you were blowing him good and filthy in Baby’s front seat.

“I-I thought about you all day,” he licked his lips, “all week, like this… it’s, you are so much better than I thought… m’ gonna make you cum so good for me.”

You wished that he could feel the way your cunt had fluttered at that. All you could do in answer was hum in approval, since you were so drunk off him, off the girth pressing against the start of your throat, that you couldn't even lift your head to speak. You did the opposite, pushing down and surging Sam's length in deeper and further than you’d gone before. The half-hour you’d poured into warming up for this was instantly worth it. You were by no means an amateur. Blowjobs, as a sexual activity, were with ease your favorite—but deepthroating was where your real talent lay. Wielding your skill, you relaxed your sore jaw and pressed forward.

The initial burn waited for you there, but Sam’s reaction was priceless.

Every muscle in his body snapped in, a taut coil broken in one motion. A strangled gasp broke from his throat. Sam's entire torso bore forward and his hips surged up to your face in a voiceless gasp, which you’d been expecting. You pinned them back down and dug for it, giving him no room to breathe, mashing your nose into his abs and hanging there, lingering, suckling, gagging, so all Sam could feel was the soft, hot, velvet pulse of your throat around his spent cock.

“I’m. I-I—”

You sucked harder, bringing a wave of spit with you, and closed a hand around Sam’s closest fist. Drool seeped over your knuckles. He spasmed. His voice tore, cutting off.

It was a little hard, but with practice—and you could practice on Sam for days, if that’s what it took—the ache would fade. All the pleasure was in the act itself, in your own slobbering sounds, the drool, and above all else the punch-to-the-teeth thrill it gave. Every inch of Sam’s pretty virgin dick was stuffing your throat. You could barely hollow your cheeks around him, Sam was so thick. His cock pulsed, once, then twice, then over and over. No other person in the world could claim him like you could, and no other person would ever have him like you had.

Sam came, and hard.

His thighs snapped closed around your ribs. He hung in place bent up over you, twitching mid-sob. Both of his hands snapped around your head, then his arms in full, scrabbling across your back, crazed, heaving, coating you entirely in the woody smell of him.

You flattened your palms to his thighs and drew upward. When it was just half his shaft in your mouth, so coated in saliva that you were connected to it in cloying strings, you persisted. The first spurt of him on your tongue detonated a ruthless orgasm deep within you on the spot. You latched onto him as it crested through you, digging your nails into Sam’s rolling hips, back and toes curled, pressing closer and swallowing the mouth-watering load you’d been dying to taste for years now. It came with its own gratified explosion of ecstasy. Your pussy sobbed, clenching without end, wracking your whole body with delicious waves of mind-whiting pleasure. The taste of him conquered you—fuck, he tasted perfect, salty and organic and human and Sam. It was a sugar rush of earthy sweetness that burned straight to your overwrought core.

You could’ve unburied yourself and let Sam finish anywhere, since he was already so mindless underneath your spell that anything would’ve pleased him. But there was something potent and intimate in being able to taste him. His body—every divine inch of it was yours, and a piece of him was filling an empty place in you.

You should’ve guessed by the size of him alone, but christ, Sam came whole glassfuls. His cum bubbled up into your mouth and spilled out of the corners of your lips, and you relished in it, drinking him down, whorling your tongue around his fleshy head, soaking up every second of your hard work’s result. The taste of him overwhelmed and surrounded you. The act did. It was in every facet a religious experience, angels singing, clouds parting, the sun glowing over them—all of it. Sam went down your throat piping hot, and you swore you could feel his cum gliding all the way to your stomach.

You slipped off him with a gasp. Hoarse, weak sighs huffed from your blazing lungs.

Slowly, as your orgasm ebbed further from your mind, your surroundings filtered back in. Peeling yourself away from him effectively rebooted all the systems in your body again. You could hear the rain bearing down on the Impala’s windshield overhead. Both of your palms were sticky and cloying with saliva. The whole lower half of your face, your abused lips, your aching jaw, your glistening cheeks, were slathered with slick. Your throat felt raw but recently balmed, like you’d swallowed a spoonful of honey to heal a soreness. Each of your knees had been stuck in place for so long that they were both numb, so the scratchy blanket beneath them seemed to ripple with pins and needles.

And Sam. Sam’s weight was braced in his hands, pressed flat to the dash, putting your face between the long bridge-arch of his shoulders. He’d collapsed around you in the footwell, shuddering and gasping for breath, and through the sea of endorphins and hormones, he managed to press his tacky forehead to yours.

You panted together; you inhaled and so did he, atoms apart, nearly mouth to mouth. Sam’s hot breath fanned across your face, cooling the saliva there.

It was something out of some old Italian sculpture, a Pietà, two nude figures entwined, expressing their love in form alone. You were collapsed on your knees, a worshipper gazing up at your saint. Sam was bent over you almost uncomfortably, every fiber of his body yearning for closeness, but close wasn’t close enough to you, his face smushed into yours and his jaw slack.

He looked nothing short of lovesick.

Hands shaking, you cupped Sam’s face. You pressed your thumbs into his warm, flushed cheekbones, then his dimples when he smiled dizzily at you, his girl.

You swallowed. “Did you like that?” You closed her eyes, hoping aloud, “...Did I… did I do a good job for you, Sammy?”

Sam surprised you. The haziness in his eyes cleared more and more with each inhale, until eventually, he was blinking down at you without guile. He burst out laughing.

“...There’s no way it was that bad,” you deadpanned. It didn’t hold for long, with him giggling over you like that. You fought against a mean, vibrant smile and its matching flush. “Alright, Sam, shut up! Quit laughing, you ass! What the hell did I—”

With the seat pushed back as far as it was, Sam had the room to get his hands under your arms again and drag you up onto his lap in one sturdy motion. Your shoulders quaked with laughter the whole time. Suddenly, his face and chest and throat were flush with yours. It was enough to drive a person crazy. Like before, Sam slotted your mouths together. The difference this time was that his cum was all over your face—but Sam could care less. You went from kissing him to gaping, since Sam dotted each filthy lick of your tongues with a heavy lap across your cheek or your chin. Tasting himself. On you. Fucking hell.

“Stop gawking n’ kiss me,” Sam insisted. He pawed at your back for emphasis, then your shoulders from below, adjusting your weight on his thighs since in your shock you’d dropped on him completely.

(And that was definitely a hard-on scooping against your inner thigh. Fucking fuck. Jesus Christ. Holy shit, Sam.)

“You were better n’ good,” he shivered. Filthily and innocently all at once, he grinned, “...I can’t believe… that was how my first time went. I can’t believe you… You, you just…”

He struggled for words. Eventually, Sam purred: “You are a natural.”

I love you, you almost blurted. You deliberately filled your lungs to calm yourself down. Your arms were around Sam’s neck and he was gazing up at you, brimming with satisfaction and gratitude and boundless, unhidden love. Dangerous territory. His taste had sunk thick and sweet on your tongue, so you both moan when you share it with him in a surging kiss.

“Anytime,” you rasped, maybe sounding a bit desperate. You were. Sam was everything you wanted in a thousand different ways, so you refused to let the moment go. In the black darkness, you laid kisses into him until your lips tingled. “I fucking—ugh. That was perfect. You were perfect. If… if you ever want me like that again—”

“I do,” was Sam’s immediate, unflinching answer. “But… I have a condition.”

He swallowed. At first, you figured he was nervous, and knowing it was his first time you doubted he wasn’t. But then Sam’s eyes flashed. Both of his enormous hands smoothed down your waist, kneading the flesh, squeezing you around the sides so his thumbs were in your belly, then his fingers were sliding flat to your hip and down. They plucked under the waistband of your underwear—the last and only layer between you.

“Every time you go down on me,” his hungry, sultry gaze devoured yours, “I get to practice on you, too.”

-

part two.

[buckybarnesowl]

It Never Ends - Chapter 9

Pairing: College!AU Bucky x fem! Reader

Series description: Bucky and Y/n are fourth-year undergrads with the same major. They’ve always had a crush on each other but were too reserved to do anything about it. One horrendous night pushes them together and they’re forced to navigate the fallout, for better or worse.

Chapter summary: Y/n receives the decision, and discovers that affirmation comes in many forms.

A/n: Wow, this chapter was such an experience to write. I hope I did this story justice. My sincere thank you again for all of the support for this series. Love and hugs to each and every one of you.

Chapter 9 word count: 2.5k

Chapter 9 warnings: dealing with trauma, reference to reporting sexual assault, description of sexual assault, survivors coming forward

Previous Chapter | Series Masterlist | Masterlist

The digital clock on the stove read 3:42. Y/n was in her comfiest jogging pants with a hoodie pulled tight over her head. She was leaning against Bucky’s shoulder, his right arm wrapped around her, his prosthesis resting on her lap, both of Y/n’s hands balled up in the sleeves of her sweatshirt and resting on top. Wanda and Sam were curled up next to them on the other side of the couch, while Natasha was on Steve's lap in the big mismatched armchair. They were halfway through Howl’s Moving Castle, Y/n’s comfort film, in an attempt to distract her from the pending decision that was supposed to be emailed to her that afternoon.

She kept rubbing her sweatshirt covered firsts together, glancing between the clock and her laptop screen displaying her inbox. Bucky noticed and stroked her shoulder, pressing a kiss into her temple.

“Need anything, doll?” he whispered in her ear.

Y/n simply shook her head, leaning further into his side.

“It’ll come. Don’t worry. We’re all here for you.”

“I know,” she whispered back, adding a muted “thanks” as she turned to flash him a forced half-smile before looking back at her inbox.

And suddenly there it was.

“Holy shit,” she exclaimed.

Natasha paused the movie. Everyone began sharing glances, lips tight with anticipation.

“Want us to give you some privacy?” Bucky offered softly.

She thought about it for a moment, as if trying to translate the words in her head.

“No. Stay. Please,” she finally responded with as much certainty as she could muster.

“Take your time, hun,” Wanda encouraged. “We’re not going anywhere.”

Y/n nodded appreciatively.

This was it. The moment she’d both anticipated and dreaded. The moment that had commandeered her days with what-if thought spirals and stolen her nights with fitful dreams. The culmination of meetings recounting the vile memory over and over, first spoken then written. Then more meetings to add the incident at the bar. More recounting, more written statements.

It was like standing at the edge of a diving board and suddenly realizing she had a severe fear of heights. Y/n was frozen, unsure if she wanted to lean forward and open the email or run and lock herself in her bedroom and try again tomorrow.

Before her mind could finish deliberating, her body made the decision for her and she double clicked the unread message.

Y/n read the email. Then read it again. And again.

After the third pass, with silent tears streaming down her face, she leaned back into the couch and attempted to steady her breathing.

“So?” Natasha asked the question everyone else was too afraid to voice, unable to read the emption behind her reaction.

“I… you can read it,” Y/n said quietly, motioning her chin towards the open laptop on the coffee table.

Everyone simultaneously took a breath before moving out of their respective seats to hover around the computer.

It only took a few seconds before Wanda sighed, closing her eyes tight.

“Typical,” Natasha stated coldly, unsurprised.

The guys’ reactions were not so calm and collected.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bucky seethed.

“They have to be joking,” Steve scoffed.

“That’s un-fucking-believable,” Sam added.

Y/n chuckled softly, sniffling and wiping her face to grab her bearings.

“It’s not, actually. This is what happens. At least I’ll get to finish next semester in peace,” she sighed.

“But a single semester suspension and only permanent suspension from extracurriculars?!” Bucky exclaimed, the rage seeping out of his words as he took his seat next to Y/n. “So what if they’re banned from interacting with you! They should be expelled!” Bucky’s voice was raised and his cheeks were flushed, the crease between his eyebrows fully showing.

“Don’t yell at me! This is how it fucking works. This is the best I was ever going to get.” A sob stuttered out of her as she tried to deflect Bucky’s shock.

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re right. I’m so fucking sorry. I just…” he sighed long and hard before continuing. “I wanted them to pay,” he grimaced, slamming his fist into his thigh.

“We all did, Barnes. But Y/n is right. You guys have no fucking clue,” Natasha lectured. “She’s lucky they even got a punishment at all considering how connected Beck’s family is.”

Y/n and Wanda nodded at their friend’s words.

“But the doctor’s report? Our statements?” Steve asked sheepishly.

“Only meant they couldn’t fully dismiss it,” Wanda replied matter of factly.

“I’m so fucking sorry you all have to experience this shit,” Sam said, voice wavering and defeated as he wrapped his arms around Wanda.

“Y/n, I’m such an ass. I’m so so sorry,” Bucky mumbled, looking at his lap.

“I know, it’s okay,” she replied with warmth, before leaning into him and whispering, “Hug me. Please.”

Bucky’s arms engulfed her in record speed, rocking her slowly. She melted into his embrace, finally feeling the liberty to let go of every emotion she had buried all these weeks. Her sobs started soft, but quickly morphed into drawn out moans, shoulders heaving at the weight of the release. It was cathartic and necessary, like a spring thaw that floods riverbeds and clears away a season of accumulated debris. The friends took their cue, each couple breaking off into Wanda and Natasha’s respective bedrooms.

It took an hour before Bucky finally felt Y/n’s breathing even out.

“Doll? I hate to let go but my shoulder is cramping up.”

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed, releasing herself from the refuge of his arms. “You should have said something. I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, I didn’t want to let go. Just sometimes the prosthetic digs in the wrong way at certain angles. ‘S fine, really,” he assured her.

Her eyes filled with remorse as she leaned forward to massage his shoulder.

“Mmmm,” his eyes fluttered closed at the comfort before quickly reopening, “sweetheart, you don’t have to.”

“Let me, please. You’ve done so much for me.”

“‘S nothing,” he retorted, though leaning into her touch at her request.

She froze and placed both hands on his cheeks. “James Buchanan Barnes, the amount of support you’ve given me over these weeks has been everything. I don’t have the words to begin to describe what it’s meant to me. I love you, so much, and I will forever be grateful for you.”

She pressed her lips, soft and slow, hoping the gesture would sing all the words she couldn’t seem to find.

Bucky nodded, reluctantly breaking the kiss before the heat took over.

“I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” he hummed, breath wavering from the intensity of their embrace.

Y/n’s face burned. She looked away in embarrassment, but Bucky brought a finger up to turn her chin back to face him.

“I mean it, doll. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. Your kindness and humour fill me with a joy that I didn’t even know existed and I’m just lucky to have the opportunity to witness it. I love you too. So fucking much.”

He returned her kiss, heavy but controlled, with a tenderness that was so characteristically Bucky.

“You're a really good kisser, you know that?” Y/n complemented, leaning her head on his chest as Bucky tilted them both into a more vertical position on the couch.

“Glad you think so, sweetheart,” he returned with a chuckle, rubbing her back.

“Thanks for being here,” she said softly after a few moments of melting into his comforting ministrations.

“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” his voice rumbled in his chest warmly.

Her relief was palpable, and while Bucky was still filled with contempt for the final decision, he would follow Y/n’s lead. He realized at that moment that he would follow her anywhere. A smile crept across his face and he pressed his lips into the top of her head.

****

After digesting the news, the three couples had rejoined to finish the movie and order pizza. Though not long after, everyone went to bed early—drained from the emotional roller coaster of the day compounded by the burnout from finals week.

After being asleep for several hours, as moonlight flooded her bedroom floor, Y/n awoke with a purpose sometime after midnight. She wasn’t not sure where the idea sprouted from, but as soon as opened her eyes she knew she wouldn’t get back to sleep until she had completed it.

Slinking stealthily from under Bucky’s arm that was wrapped around her waist, she crept out of the room. Plopping herself down on the couch, she opened her phone and found the Untold Instagram account for her college and began to type her message.

My name is Jane Doe and I was drugged by Quentin Beck and Brock Rumlow at a party. I know I’m not the only one they’ve harmed. This is just my story. They were waiting for me in a room when I stumbled in trying to find the washroom. They tied my hands and ankles before laying me down on a bed. I couldn’t scream or yell. I couldn’t fight back. I found out from the drug test I took the next day that they gave me ketamine. It was still present in my system 12 hours later. Quentin was kissing me and touching my chest while Brock tried to undo my jeans. I must have reacted poorly to the drugs because the only reason I wasn’t raped was that I vomited on Quentin before he could go any further. When he found out I was going to report him, Quentin threatened me physically. The result of his report is one semester suspension. It never ends. Rapists walk away free while victims have to survive. I am a survivor. To all my fellow survivors, I see you. I believe you.

Clicking the send paper airplane icon, she closed the app, then her phone, and made her way back to bed.

Bucky stirred as she gently pulled the covers over her shoulders.

“Mmm, doll? You okay?” he mumbled, worry etched across his tired face as he blinked in confusion.

“I am now,” she replied softly, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“Mmm glad,” he mumbled, wrapping his arm around her again, already drifting off again.

Y/n snuggled into his chest, quickly following him into a dreamless sleep.

****

“Y/n! Bucky! Oh my god, wake up!” Natasha’s instructions booming through the door as her fist knocked hard. “You both need to get dressed and come with us. Now.”

“What the…” Bucky trailed off with confusion, startled from sleep.

Y/n yawned, shrugging at her friend’s frantic excitement. But she obliged and forced herself up.

“What’s going on, Nat?” Y/n asked, rubbing her eyes as she and Bucky exited her room once they were both dressed.

“I can’t explain it. You just need to come see.”

Wanda nodded at her friend’s raised eyebrows, a smile plastered across her face.

“They’re right,” Sam responded to Bucky’s equally bewildered demeanor when he looked to his friends for help.

The six of them promtply left the dorm together, the cold December air waking them with more efficiency than a shot of espresso.

“Where are we going that there wasn’t time for me to even have my morning coffee,” Y/n whined, grumpily.

“You’ll see,” Natasha chimed.

In less than ten minutes, the group arrived in front of the main entrance to the Faculty of Arts building. The faculty that Y/n, Bucky, Quentin, and Brock were all enrolled in.

The sky was the kind of clear blue that whispers winter is on its way. The sun was just over the height of the stone building, casting criss-crossed shadows through the bare trees that lined the walkway leading to the entrance steps.

The steps that were covered in banners, letters, flowers, candles. Signs that read, We believe Jane Doe. Survivors, we believe you. We see you.

There was already a crowd. Some placing more items amongst the growing collection of offerings. Others were chatting and hugging.

Y/n’s cheeks were wet. Her breath hitched silently, continuous and shaking through her chest. She lowered herself down onto the sidewalk, eyes scanning the messages and tokens of support.

Following her lead, Natasha and Wanda sat on either side of her and wrapped their arms around their crying friend. The boys followed suit, sitting on either side of the redheads, Bucky settling down behind Y/n, gently resting his hand on her back so she knew he was there.

Within fifteen minutes there were over thirty people sitting around them. After an hour there must have been more than a hundred. Bucky sent out a text, instructing the entire swim team to come show their support. It wasn’t long before each and every member was there, bearing blankets and hot beverages to warm up the group.

By the ninety minute mark, there were too many to count, all sitting in support of Jane Doe. Of every single survivor.

A soft breeze rattled the few remaining leaves on the otherwise empty trees. Something shifted and Y/n suddenly rose to her feet.

“I’m here because I’m a survivor,” her voice rang out over the hushed crowd. “If you’re a survivor and you feel safe to do so, I invite you to stand with me. I want people to see how many of us there are. I want you to see you’re not alone.”

The crowd held a collective breath as one by one, people started standing. Natasha. Wanda. And so many others. Slowly each person rose, and within a minute nearly two thirds of the crowd was standing.

After a moment of silence, someone shouted, “Survivors, we see you, we believe you.” The rest of those that were sitting joined in, repeating the words, over and over.

It was spontaneous and beautiful and heartbreaking, an overwhelming tangle of emotions that moved many of the impromptu sit-in attendees to tears. Including Bucky.

After scanning the crowd and taking in the weight of the demonstration, his eyes fell on Y/n’s standing form and he couldn’t look away. Nor did he want to. His heart that had broken so many times throughout this ordeal, for the pain she had suffered, endured, persevered through. It was now bursting with love for her strength, her courage, her tenacity. He was in awe and that’s when he knew—if she’d let him, he would happily spend the rest of his life trying to show Y/n what he saw in her.

The sun rose higher. Wind ruffled the banners on the steps and the hair of those still standing amongst the gathering. Sparrows chirped in the shrubs against the building. Another day was unfolding as late autumn prepared to welcome in winter before a new year arrived.

As if feeling the air change, Y/n turned to look down at Bucky. Tear tracks stained her cheeks, but a smile took residence on her lips when she saw his adoring blue eyes staring back up at her. Those eyes that she could now admit she had fallen for years ago. The ones that told her she could do anything. That she was safe. That she was home.

Epilogue

[teddy06writes]

I feel there isnt enough sapnap x karl x quackity x reader, so can I request sap x karl x quackity x y/n where everone js tired at the end of the day, and despite having separate rooms, they all collapse together in one person’s bed

sapnap x karl x quackity x reader (HOLY SHIT THE POLY SHIP REQUESTSSSSSSS)

Trigger warnings: swearing

premise: vidcon pannels and meeting fans can be tiering, and maybe by the time the day is done you and all of your crushes collapse into bed together without realizing until the next morning  ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

“Blep” talking

‘blep’ thinking

(y/n/n)- your nickname

(y/s/n)- your screen name

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah vidcon, a content creators dream, or worse nightmare, or in your opinion, wild trip that lasted three days.

~~

It was your first time seeing anyone from the Dream SMP in a while, and your were practically buzzing with excitement by the time you were getting off the plane in California.

You fiddled with your carry on as you made your way towards baggage claim, grinning upon hearing a yell of “Oh my god is that (Y/n) from the internet!?”

You turned to see Alex standing just outside the gate he’d landed at, quickly you ran to hug him, stomach filling with butterflies at his touch. “Wait it’s Alex from the internet!”

You both laughed as you pulled away, starting back to baggage claim, “Are you excited for vidcon?” He asked.

“Yeah, what I’m not excited for is having to share a house with you idiot for a weekend.”

He scoffed, “What do you mean? It’s gonna be fun!”

“Oh yeah, the entire SMP together in one house, is such a good idea. It’s gonna be chaos!”

“That’s the fun part!”

“I like to sleep at night without being interrupted by random screaming and stuff.”  You argued.

“I’m sure there won’t be random screaming.”

“You seriously underestimate Tommy.” By now you had made it to baggage claim and began to look around for the right carousel.

You split up, planning on meeting back by the door to wait outside for Bad, who had arrived the day before and was picking people up, a few at a time.

After waiting at one carousel for a few minutes your suitcase came rolling out, but as you went to grab it someone else grabbed it from behind you, a familiar voice drawling, “Hey, hey.”

Grinning you turned to see Nick smiling back at you, “Hey yourself.”

He hugged you, and again your stomach filled with butterflies.

Pull away you smiled, “Come on, I think I left Alex just over there.”

Grabbing your suitcase in one hand, and his hand in the other you tugged him off toward where you’d left Alex, calling, “Alex look who I found!” as soon as he was in view.

Nick dropped your hand to grab Alex’s to pull him into a hug, and you found yourself fighting a grin at how red Alex's face turned.

“Bad texted me that he’s almost here!” You announced after checking your phone.

“Who else is he picking up?” Nick asked.

“Uhhh,” You pulled the messages back up, “Karl and Fundy, and then Wilbur is supposed to be getting another rental car and driving the rest of the Europeans when they get here, minus George cause apparently he also flew out early.”

You all headed out towards the pick up area, weaving through the crowds of people you felt Nick grab the back of your shirt, and when you looked back at him in question he muttered, “So I don’t lose you Idiot.”

All you could do was hope your face was clear of any blush as you smiled back.

You all ended up stood near the curb when a voice cut through the chatter, “Hey gu-uys!”

“Karl!” The three of you exclaimed as he ran through the crowd towards you.

Upon reaching you he some how managed to get his arms around all of you enough for a group hug, and you laughed, “Shouldn’t you be at the other gate?”

“Yeah, but I thought I saw you guys so I came over here, and I was right!”

Alex cocked an eyebrow, “What if it wasn’t us?”

“uhhh, I dunno, awkwardly ran at random people?”

You all laughed, and Nick scoffed, “You’re ridiculous.”

After a few more minutes of waiting, a car slowed near the curb, Fundy’s head practically falling from passenger window, “I’m looking for some youtubers, dumb American ones, you seen any?”

Bad smacked him, “they aren’t dumb, hey guys!”

You waved at them as the guys started loading their suitcases into the back of the car, and after Karl insisted he take yours as well, you slid into the back seat, “What’s the house situation like?”

“It looks like just about everyone will get there own room,” Bad reported, “But Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and Purpled are sharing the room with the bunk beds, because Clay designated it as the kids room.”

You snickered as Alex climbed into the back next to you, leaving Nick and Karl to take the spots in the middle row of the van.

“And obviously cause Kristen’s coming she and Phil are sharing, and then Eret said he, Puffy, and Niki would take the room with the double beds,” Fundy offered, “Which means the rest of us should get single rooms.”  

Alex elbowed you, “Told you wouldn’t get stuck with random screaming.” 

“Oh there's still time for that.”

~~

After getting to the airbnb and racing Fundy for one of the bigger rooms that was left (it was decided Phil and Kristen would get the master bedroom, and Clay had already claimed the biggest guest bedroom), you dropped your suitcase in one corner and brought your toiletries bag in the shared bathroom between your and Nick’s rooms, before flopping back onto your bed. 

No more than three minutes passed before Karl wandered into your room, flopping down next to you, “Ranboo and Sam are making nachos, and Dream and Nick found a foosball table in the garage, so a mini tournament is being organized if you want in.” 

“Foosball?” You questioned. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be fun.” 

You allowed him to tug you up, and followed him down from the left hall of bedrooms, through the living room and to the connected garage where George was yelling over everyone to try and form teams. 

“Me and (Y/n) are a team!” Nick announced, grabbing your hand to pull you towards him. 

“Okay, that leaves Big Q and Karl as the last team for now! When other people show up they can join.” George announced. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur of foosball games, nacho’s nearly being spilled everywhere and the rest of the people arriving. 

~~

The next day was the first day of vidcon, and after getting dressed in some casual clothes you grabbed your laptop and headed out to the living room, mostly empty in the quiet house, with the exception of Tubbo, who was flipping through tv channels, and Phil, who was tinkering around in the kitchen. 

“So what’s your plan for the day?” Tubbo asked, finally having settled on a baking show. 

“Uhh, stress about the panel until it’s time for the panel, hang out, maybe find a pizza place, you?” 

“Me and Tommy are just gonna wander the convention center most of today cause I don’t have anything until the meet and greet tomorrow, then when he has to go I think me, Ranboo and Fundy might be going to mess with dream george and sapnap during the dream team panel. What’s you first panel about?” 

You glanced back down at your laptop, “It’s listed as ‘small creators with a big part’” 

From the kitchen you heard Phil chuckle.

“Oh cool.” Tubbo smiled, turning back to his show. 

You looked back down at your laptop, reading over the possible sample questions and discussion topics, you wanted to be mentally prepared for this.

At some point, as the rest of the house began to stir Alex shuffled out from the hallway and plopped down in between you and Tubbo on the couch, throwing his legs up in your lap.

“Good morning.”

He groaned, “Why is it so early?”

“It isn’t,” you laughed, flicking at his forehead, “Your just jet lagged.”

“Is there coffee here?”

As if on cue Nick, who had come over from the kitchen, offered him a mug, “Phil made a big ass pot of it.”

“Oh thank fuck!” He took the cup greatfully.

Nick smiled, handing you the other mug before going back for his own as Karl flounced into the room and plopped down on the other couch, “Good morning!” 

“Morning Karl!” You smiled. 

“oooo, are we watching cake wars?” He asked excitedly. 

Tubbo nodded and launched into an explanation of what had happened so far in the episode. 

Eventually everyone woke up and was gathered around in the living room and kitchen, drinking coffee and tea as they planned for the day. 

“Well if most of us have different things planned why don’t we just plan to meet back up here before dinner?” Niki suggested. 

A half asleep Wilbur nodded, “Sounds like a good idea.”

Techno snickered at his grogginess, elbowing him lightly, “I guess the first panel really will be sleepy boys inc.” 

If Wilbur had been fully awake he probably would’ve elbowed him back, but instead just muttered, “Shut up.” 

“Okay! So we meet back here for six yeah?” Bad asked. 

Everyone nodded, and disappeared back to their various places around the house to get ready. 

Back in your room you put your laptop away and got the last of your things ready for the panel, even though it wasn’t starting for a few hours.

“(Y/n)! Your panel’s at 12 right?” Nick half yelled through the open bathroom doors. 

“Yeah?”

“Okay cool, do you wanna come with me, Alex and Karl? Apparently Jimmy and all them just got in.” 

“Sure.”

You had talked to the famed, ‘Mr. Beast’, a few times, and had even been in one or two of his gaming videos, so before you knew it Alex was stealing the keys to one of the rental cars and you were off. 

“Yeah we just left the airbnb.” Karl, said into his phone. There was a pause before he said, “Oof, I’m glad I came out early then.” Another pause and then he laughed, “Nimrods. We can stop for food if you want?” 

A few minutes later he ended the call, leaning up between the front seats, “The gang requires food, we’re taking a pit stop to taco bell.” 

“Taco bell? At 9 in the morning?” Alex questioned. 

“Yeah apparently the nimrods forgot to get food before they left the airport, and now their stuck in traffic. We’re gonna meet them at the hotel.” 

You chuckled, “Sounds like a Jimmy move. Let me guess, they forgot because none of them slept and they took a red eye?” 

“What the fuck is a red eye?” 

You looked back at Nick, incredulous, “You don’t know what a red eye is? Oh my god you privileged fool!” 

Alex snorted, “It’s a really early flight Nick. Like, a you get to the airport for 11pm, and end up eating breakfast when you get to the other airport, flight.”

“Or, a get to the airport for anytime between 11pm and 4am and regret your life choices while waiting for your plane.” You offered. 

“In other words, hell.” Alex finished, pulling into a drive thru. 

“Yikes, why would anyone do that?” Nick asked. 

“It’s cheap.” Karl said. 

“Planes are less crowded, so are the airports.” Alex added. 

You smiled, “I do it for the feeling of a lineal space. There's no vibes like airports from 11pm to 4am.”

They all laughed, and Karl quickly unrolled his window to order an ungodly amount of food. 

~~

Unsurprisingly,  after that the day passed in a blur, the panel going pretty well, and then the impromptu meet and greet outside the meeting hall, trying to make it through the convention center with Clay and Nick without being mobbed, and then suddenly everyone was back at the airbnb getting ready for dinner. 

“(y/n) you bitch why are you taking so long in there!” Tommy yelled through the bathroom door. 

“I’m trying to fix my hair from when you threw water at me prick! There's five other bathrooms in this house go find another one!” You yelled back. 

Distantly you could hear Bad yell, “Language!” 

“Everyone is in the other bathrooms!” 

Giving up on your hair you set the brush back down and recapped the container of paste, turning and opening the door to your room, “Alright, fine.” 

“That wasn’t that hard was it?” Tommy asked, moving past you into the bathroom. 

“Don’t touch my stuff.” You instructed, striding out of the room and down the hall. 

Out in the living room Eret was humming as they cleaned up the last of the later Tommy had gotten everywhere as the rest of the group started to assemble. 

Once everyone was finally ready, and the final arguments of who would take which car, you were shoved into the back of one of the vans with Karl and Alex, making all of the anxiety that had dissipated after the panel came flooding back, especially when Nick, who was sitting on the bench seat in front of you, turned to join the conversation. 

The night was spent trying to keep blush off your face whenever Karl’s knuckles brushed yours, when Nick’s arm found it’s way around the back of your chair, or when your and Alex’s knees bumped. 

‘God’, you had thought, ‘this is like some romcom shit.’ 

After Tommy’s fail attempt to steal a set of car keys and try and drive home  -Phil smacked him upside the head, Niki snatched the keys from his hand, Kristen started to lecture him, all while the rest of you laughed your asses off- The bill was paid, and everyone piled back up into the cars, already starting to plan a movie night. 

Upon getting back to the airbnb, you headed back to your room to change back into the hoodie and comfortable pants you had been wearing earlier, heading back into the living room in time to steal Punz’s seat on the couch with Nick and Karl. 

When Alex squeezed into the spot between you and Nick, you could’ve sworn you saw Techno smirking and Puffy waggling her eyebrows toward you, how they found out about your stupid group crush you had no clue, but then Clay and Skeppy started to argue over what movie to put on. 

Tubbo ended up taking the remote from Clay, and from where he was sitting In front of one of the couches, tossed it over to Phil on the other side of the room, who said, “We’ll do a vote then!” 

A movie was selected democratically, some cheesy action movie began to play, and at some point you half turned, propping your legs up across the boys laps as Alex maintained a running commentary on the movie, just loud enough for you and Nick to hear, and Karl absently traced small shapes into your ankles. 

~~

The second day of vidcon was the most hectic, with you, Nick and Alex were going to watch the Mr. Beast panel Karl got to be a part of, plus both the dream smp panel and the meet and greet later in the day. 

You had woken up to Karl and Alex jumping on top of you, “Wake up! You’re gonna be late!” 

You groaned, struggling to shove them off, “What time is it?” 

“8:27.” Alex said, sliding off your bed. 

“Fuck,” You muttered, “Get off me, what the hell happened to my alarm?” 

“You left your phone in the other room, when it went off it woke us up.” Karl explained. 

“He means it woke him up and he felt the need to wake me up,” Alex complained as you sat up now free of the people laying on you, “Why the hell is your alarm set so early?” 

“It’s not early, I just wanted to be able to get ready without being in anyone’s way.” 

Karl nodded, “Makes sense.”

“C’mon, let’s give them time to get ready.” Alex grabbed Karl’s arm, half dragging him out of the room.

You quickly got ready, pulling on a nicer button down, plus a jacket that was one of the first from your new merch line.

You finished your hair, plugged in your phone and headed out to the kitchen where Fundy seemed to be attempting to make pancakes, dragging Karl into the process as well.

You sat down next to Alex and Ranboo, “How long do you think until they burn the house down?”

“I am not going to burn the house!” Fundy exclaimed.

You reached over and turned down the heat on the griddle, “Well you were gonna burn something.”

Ranboo snickered, “They aren’t wrong.”

“Shut up Ranboob!” Fundy retorted.

They continued to bicker as Tubbo emerged from up stairs, shoving Fundy out of the way to take over the griddle. “You’re all ridiculous.” He muttered.

“Yeah no shit.” You sighed.

“Language!” Bad yelled from the dining room.

“French!” Eret called back as she entered the kitchen, “Morning guys!”

“Morning!” Tuboo chirped, starting to flip some of the pancakes. 

“It’s panel day!” Tommy yelled, charging down the stairs, “Those best be chocolate chip Tubbo!” 

Karl held up the bag of chocolate chips he been scattering into some of the pancakes, and Tommy grinned, “Karl my man!” 

~~

Once breakfast was eaten and the dishes cleared everyone loaded back up into the cars to head to the convention center, everyone splitting up again, planning to meet back in the right area in time for the full panel. 

Karl headed off to meat with Jimmy and the guys as You Alex and Nick took spots in the audience. 

Once they took to the stage Nick leaned over and elbowed Alex, “Bet you 10 bucks when they open for questions you don’t go up just to flirt with Karl.” 

Alex glared at him, “10 bucks isn’t worth it.” 

You held back a laugh, “I’d throw in another 20.” 

Alex considered this with a sigh, “Deal, but only if we get milkshakes later.” 

You and Nick agreed, and soon enough when they opened up for audience questions Alex started to stand up, but immediately sat back down blushing slightly, “No.” 

“Damn.” Nick sighed. “We’re still getting milkshakes.” 

Once the Mr. Beast panel had ended you all went to meet up with Karl and head off to the dream smp panel. 

2 o'clock rolled around and the panel moderator began to announce everyone, one by one, and you managed to force down your anxiety, taking your place on the stage between Karl and Nick when the mod called, “(y/s/n), one of the first people to actually join the dream smp.” 

You sat down, smiling at the audience and quickly sneaking out your phone to take a quick video of your friends and then a pan of the crowd to put on twitter later.

Once everyone was on stage the moderator looked up and down the long table, “Wow, there are a lot of people on stage right now, is this everyone from the server?” 

Clay nodded, “Just about, we have a few others, Alyssa, Callahan, Ponk and Antfrost, who had other stuff going on, but for the most part, this is everyone from the server.” 

“This is honestly incredible, how, how are you guys all feeling about being here? I know this is the first Dream SMP panel, but you guys have been to vidcon before right?” 

“Most of us,” George laughed, “I think the only one who hasn’t is (y/s/n), there first ever panel was yesterday.” 

The mod looked over at you, “So, how does it feel to be at your first vidcon?” 

You laughed nervously, “Well, I mean, I’ve been to vid con before, but I was always out there in the audience, it’s- it’s pretty nerve wracking to be up here.” 

The topic shifted and after that things seemed to move more quickly. 

In the blink of an eye the first hour and a half was spent and people from the audience began to ask questions. 

“Wilbur, as the main writer for roleplaying on the server is it hard to keep track of character specifics and story arcs or is it all just written in with the scripts?”

Someone asked.Wilbur hummed, “Well I guess in part it’s written in the scripts, but I think I should turn this question over to (y/s/n), they’ll have a more interesting answer.”

Everyone turned to you. 

“Well, in my mind it isn’t all that hard, but I am literally the kid who memorized long monologues for fun.” You chuckled, “Once the first revolution arc started and the server really started to turn to roleplaying I started a google doc that now gets updated constantly. I have running tabs on current arcs, details on arcs that have ended and then there's detailed character descriptions. 

“I don’t necessarily write down bits to add while I’m streaming or anything, but most of the time it has to be the middle of the night or I won’t file anything correctly.”

Nick chuckled, “I have seen the document, it is terrifying.” 

“Didn’t someone open it to see you updating in the middle of the night once?” Ranboo asked. 

Alex nodded, “Yeah that was me, it was very traumatic, like, I blinked, and then there was another fifty words on the page.” 

You dropped your head in your hands, “It was the night after the whole election thing! Techno joined the server and then I had to add a whole ‘nother character profile, and he and his stupid English major were making things complicated!” 

“Listen man, I just wanted to make sure I had a backstory that fit into the story line, ‘s not my fault when Wilbur lets Dream have partial control of thing the storyline ends up non cohesive.” 

People laughed, and the topic was changed with the next question.

~~

Two and a half hours later, an extra hour after the panel was supposed to end, (there was just so many extra questions), you headed off stage, and were all rushed across the center for the meet and greet, which had been pushed back in time with the panel.

You felt bad for making the fans wait, but the organizers assured you that it was fine, most of the fans had been at the panel anyway.

In the big open hall the orginizors spilt everyone up into groups of threes and fours, the way fans could move down the line and see everyone.

Inevitably you ended up with Karl, Nick and Alex, at the end of the long sections of people.

“Holy shit man, how is it already 6?” Alex asked.

“Who knows.” Nick muttered glancing down at his phone.

“Dude this is supposed to go for like three hours too.” You complained, rocking up on your heals to look down the line, seeing the first groups of people starting to move past Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy.

“We’ll be fine! It’s always fun to meet fans!” Karl said, though he did look slightly wary.

After another three hours of talking to fans, signing things, and taking pictures the last group of people finally made it to your section.

“Hey! They saved the coolest for last!” The boy exclaimed.

“Hell yeah they did!” Alex half yelled back, some how still managing to keep up the enthusiasm.

“Here, let’s get you guys all in a picture together!” His mother said, motioning for you to all stand together. You slung an arm around the kids shoulder, smiling at the camera. “

“Okay serious question time, which one of us is the best?”

“Uhh,” the boy looked from person to person, “probably you (y/s/n), your contents really cool but your under rated.”

You grinned, offering him a fist bump, “ha! See that’s the third person in the last hour!”

Karl scoffed, “but I got like six people over all.”

“I only got five.” Alex pouted.

You rolled your eyes as the boy asked, “So if you guys are in a poly relationship on the server does it create problems with your friendship in real life?”

You all froze, except for Nick who somehow seemed to know this was coming, “Well, in game and out of game relationships are different, sure you can ship all you want, but that doesn’t mean stuff actually happens in real life.”

The kid nodded, “Cool, hey I saw your stream like, during quesrentine, just a question, how many people have tried to fight you today?”

You laughed, “at least 15 took pictures with him squared up.”

A few minutes more and the kid was gone, being ushered away by his mom, and you glanced at your phone, “holy shit it’s already 9:15.”

“Where did the time go?” Kale asked incredulous.

~~

After meeting back up with the rest of the group you all headed off to terrorize a McDonald’s, drawing a lot of attention from random fans as you all scarfed down food.

By the time you got back to the Airbnb it was nearly 11pm and everyone was exhausted.

After quickly getting ready for bed you a collapsed.

~~

The next morning you woke up, and for a moment worth your eyes still closed you were perfectly content with the warmth pressed agasint you.

Then you came fully too, realizing that, no, you weren’t fully swaddled in your comforter, you were laying in a bed with other people.

Opening your eyes you blinked away sleep, looking down, confused to see Alex asleep with his head on your chest.

Turning your head you saw that it was Nick on your other side an arm wrapped around you both.

Karl was half sprawled across all of you, similarly to the airport, as if he could hold all of you at once. You sat in shock for several moments before realizing you were in fact, trapped in bed.

Alex’s fingers were tangled with yours, Nicks nose was pressed into your neck, and you could have sworn Karl shifted in his sleep, as if to get closer to you.

‘Well,’ you thought, ‘might as well make the most of it.’ As settled back down to fall back asleep.

~~

Once you had all woke again, no one spoke as they headed back to there own rooms, and your crossed back through the bathroom form Nicks.

~~

The rest of the day past, still no one speaking about it, and that night you found yourself laying in your own bed, wondering why it felt so wrong.

There was muffled whispers from Nicks room, and you quietly got up, moving into the bathroom to hear better.

Unfortunately for you Nicks door to the bathroom was still open, so you couldn’t eavesdrop as planned.

Karl and Alex were both sat on the bed next to each other as Nick paced. “What’s going on?” You asked quietly

“Would- would it be weird if we cuddled again?” Alex asked hesitantly.

“We were debating asking you.” Karl admitted.

Nick nodded, “You don’t have to, it’s just- we-“

Quietly you crossed the room, climbing into the bed instead of answering the question outright.

~~

“Is- I- am I stupid, or is this something?” Alex whispered.

Vidcon had ended and even with the long weekend everyone was staying in California the time had gone all to fast.

You, Alex, Karl and Nick had continued to cuddle every night, still not talking about it during the day.

“Do you think it could be?” Was your only response, continuing to card your fingers through Karl’s hair.

“It seems like it already is.” Nick said.

Karl yawned, “I think I’d like it to be.You nodded,

“me too.”

“Me too.” Nick agreed.

Alex smiled, “I guess it’s decided then.”

The dark room was quiet another moment before you snickered, “It’s cannon irl now guys. What will the fans think?”

[ppangjae]

SUN&MOON | Jaehyun

SUMMARY. Asking Jeong Jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week Christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. One can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right? 

GENRE. enemies to lovers!au | fake dating!au | tooth-rotting fluff | angst

WORD COUNT. 14.6k+ words (someone stop me)

playlist. sun and moon by sam kim | sun&moon by nct 127 | D (half moon) by dean

author’s note. i’ve always wondered how ‘ordinary people’ would be if the situation was switched and yn needed someone to be their fake boyfriend. but you know that i love making things messy and so i decided to add the enemies to lovers trope. have fun reading and no, you don’t need to read ordinary people before this fic! merry christmas? merry chrysler? merry crimmus?

disclaimer. you do not need to read ordinary people before reading this fic! this fic is made in a different universe and time, so consider this fic separate from ordinary people!

warnings. swearing!

taglist: @yasmini24 @jungjxxhyun @softieus @justineasian @chantellsievert @jaehyunnie77 @princessaecha @je0ngjaehyun @joyfuljaehyun @fluffyjaes @icelandicboo @chalcopyright @ethaeriyeol​ @svchengss​ @yourmagnanimousholiness​ @127-jaehyun​ @theunluckylistenermusician​ @mangotexts​ @daydreamerblues​ 

Even when we’re not looking at the same sky, we stay together like the SUN&MOON.

“If I’m the dumb of dumb and dumber, then that means you’re the dumber.”

It’s unfortunate that you couldn’t agree any more with your best friend, Jungwoo, who’s setting up the projector in his living room. The projector turns on after twenty straight minutes of Jungwoo just smacking the top of it, as if it would do anything. Projected onto the off-white walls of his apartment is a PowerPoint presentation and to your surprise, it’s not a presentation about how you’re the dumber one out of the two of you. Instead, it’s a PowerPoint presentation about—

“Five reasons why Jeong Jaehyun should be the fake boyfriend you’ll bring home for Christmas.”

“Turn that shit off before I rip your hair off your scalp—”

“Listen, hear me out.” Jungwoo cuts you off, pressing the button on his clicker to move on to the next presentation slide. The next slide shows a very dorky picture of Jaehyun sticking two fingers up his nostrils and you assume that it’s some sort of blackmail that Jungwoo uses. “Reason number one, he is a handsome and smooth motherfucker and I’m sure your parents will be very impressed.”

“Jungwoo, I hope you know that no matter what, I will not ask Jaehyun to pretend to be my boyfriend—”

“Reason number two,” Jungwoo ignores you, moving on to the next presentation slide. The slide shows a picture of all the boys in your circle of friends. Johnny, Sicheng, Jungwoo, Mark, and Jaehyun. Jungwoo points at each one of them. “Johnny is in a relationship, which means that he’s not an option. Sicheng is also in a relationship and he’s planning on proposing on Christmas Eve, not only is he booked and busy this Christmas, but he’s also not an option.”

“Jungwoo, you’re not dating anyone. You can pretend to be my boyfriend instead.” You suggest and Jungwoo clicks his tongue, shaking his head in reply. “What? Why not?”

“Do you think your parents would believe that I, Kim Jungwoo, so happens to be not only your childhood best friend but your boyfriend too?” Your face turns blank. He has a point. He smirks. “Exactly. That’s what I thought. Now, Mark has a crush on your younger sister, so I don’t think it would be ideal for him to be your fake boyfriend when he should be shooting his shot on your sister this Christmas.”

“He needs my approval first—”

“That’s not the point.” Jungwoo cuts you off, pointing the laser of his clicker to the wall, specifically at Jaehyun’s face. He circles the laser around Jaehyun’s face and begins to grin. “The point is that Jaehyun is your only option. Jaehyun’s single, he’s good looking, and it wouldn’t be suspicious to your parents.”

“Reason number three, Yeri and Haechan would definitely approve of Jaehyun.” Jungwoo explains. 

“What makes you so sure about that?”

“Because Jaehyun is easily likeable, it would be odd if Yeri and Haechan didn’t like him.” He reasons.

“Do I look convinced?” You ask. 

Jungwoo stares at you. He blinks before shrugging his shoulders. “I say you kind of do. Now, reason number four!”

The next slide shows a poorly-cropped photo of you and Jaehyun standing next to each other. You let out a snort, biting your lip and covering your mouth to stop yourself from bursting out into laughter. You’re appreciative of Jungwoo’s effort, but—

“Reason number four, you both surprisingly look good together. I think you guys suit each other, if I were to be quite honest. The only problem here is that you both hate each other with a lively passion.” Jungwoo shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t give me that look, Y/N—”

“Okay, fine!” You raise up your hands in defeat. Jungwoo grins. “Does it look like I actually have a choice? I swear I have the worst luck—”

“You do—”

“Everyone of you is taken and my parents would have to be extremely gullible if you pretended to be my boyfriend. That leaves me no one but Jaehyun, who’s unfortunately single and the only one that seems more convincing.” You sigh with defeat. You fall back against Jungwoo’s leather couch, kicking the air out of frustration and stress. “That’s problem number one of two. Problem number two is—”

“So, you’re actually going to ask him—”

“—how the fuck am I going to ask Jeong Jaehyun to be my fake boyfriend for one week?”

“Are you on crack or something?”

“Stop laughing at me, you fucker.” 

Jaehyun’s playing with his chain bracelet, a smug grin plastered on his face. Oh, how you wish you could wipe that grin off his face. Fine, as much as you hate to admit it, Jaehyun does look good. He looks good in his oversized hoodie with his hair gelled back and a few of its strands framing his slim face. But that’s not the point, the point is is that—

“No.” 

“No?” You repeat his answer. He raises an eyebrow questioningly. “Wait, did you just say no?”

He nods his head, clasping his hands together and smirks. “Why? Did you want me to say yes?”

You let out a scoff of disbelief. “Does it look like I want to do this? With you, specifically?”

“I mean,” he shrugs his shoulders. “You could’ve just simply said that you had a budding crush on me just like how you did when we were fifteen instead of going through the long route and asking me to be your fake boyfriend for your one-week holiday vacation with your family.”

“Why, you little—”

“Calm yourselves before you start clawing each other’s faces, holy shit.” Jungwoo arrives at the table booth with a tray of your orders. Jungwoo slides into the seat next to you, handing the both of you your burgers, fries, and drinks. You and Jaehyun are having an intense glaring competition. “Stop eye-fucking each other it’s making me feel uncomfortable.”

“We’re not.” The both of you say in unison. “Shut up.”

“You irritate me.” You roll your eyes, opening the wrapper of your burger and taking one big bite. Jaehyun looks at you with disgust, mumbling a few curses underneath his breath before taking his first bite. “And for the record, I do not have a budding crush on you. What happened when we were fifteen was just a joke. You just so happen to be the single one out of the guys and I just so happen to forget telling my parents that Taehyung and I broke up—”

“And you just so happen to think that I would easily say yes?” Jaehyun dips a french fry into ketchup. Before shoving the french fry into his mouth, he sticks his tongue out at you. “Try harder, Y/N. I’m not going to do it.”

“Fine,” you snap. “It’s not like I wanted you to do it anyways.”

“But you still tried—”

“Fuck this shit and fuck you,” you grumble, nudging Jungwoo to make room for you to leave. Jungwoo looks at you then back at Jaehyun. You’re too pissed off to notice Jungwoo give Jaehyun a warning look. “I’m out. I’ll just ask someone else, maybe Yukhei or Yuta. I’m sure one of them would be nice and kind enough to help me out for just one goddamn week.”

Jaehyun’s presence is enough to ruin your day. This is a living example. You huff out a breath, realizing that you have to ask for a takeout bag for your burger and fries. Cursing underneath your breath, you begin to head to the front cashier counter to ask for a—

“What’s in it for me, then?”

You stop in your tracks. You have your back facing the two of them. You slowly turn around. “If I give you something in return, would you do it?”

Jaehyun shrugs his shoulders. “It depends on what you’re giving me.”

You frown. “I’ll do your laundry for a year—”

“Y/N will get you that vintage LP turntable that you wanted.” Jungwoo cuts you off. You’re about to protest but Jungwoo gives you a look that silences you. “Even the records you wanted.” (**vintage marantz 6200 turntable)

It’s terrifying how you could see a fire igniting in Jaehyun’s eyes. The corners of his lips slowly move up to reach his ears. He slowly places his burger down. 

“Fine, I’ll do it. When do we start pretending?”

“I told you to pack one luggage, not three.”

Jungwoo looks at you through the rearview mirror. It’s been five minutes since the three of you hit the road and an argument has already begun to ensue. Jaehyun, however, seems unfazed by it. In fact, he’s too distracted by the beautiful snowflakes falling from the sky and falling onto the ground to form a fluffy blanket. Just by the argument that’s about to start in the back of the car, Jungwoo’s worried that the one-week plan might fall through the cracks.

“You told me to pack a week’s worth of clothes.” Jaehyun tears his gaze away from the view outside of the window to look at you. To his surprise, you’re already looking at him. With your pierced gaze, it catches him off guard, but he plays it off by letting out a scoff. 

“And a week’s worth of clothes just so happens to fit in not one but three luggages?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Well,” Jungwoo cuts into the argument, his darting between the two of you through his rearview mirror. He gulps nervously. “If you count the winter coat, the shoes, and everything else, one luggage actually isn’t enough—”

“Don’t take his side.” You whine. You fold your arms. “Well then, how come I managed to fit a week’s worth of clothes into one luggage?”

Jaehyun eyes you up and down before gesturing your clothes. “Maybe it’s because you have a poor sense of style—”

“I do not!” You exclaim. He purses his lips into a tight line, looking away from you. You let out a frustrating sigh. “God, I can’t believe I’m spending a week with you.”

“If I were you, I’d watch it with the snarky remarks.” Jaehyun warns you. “The moment I get ticked off, I can simply just tell your parents the truth.”

You look at him with wide eyes. You feel threatened. “Oh, you would not do that.”

“Oh, yes I could and I would.” Jaehyun squints his eyes at you. 

“Are you threatening me?”

“Yes.”

From the rearview mirror, Jungwoo watches you pout in defeat. You’re looking away from Jaehyun, turning your body towards the opposite direction. Jungwoo, however, catches Jaehyun spare you a gaze that lasts longer than it should before his lips form into a soft smile. 

“Jaehyun, one point. Y/N, zero points.”

“Shut the fuck up and focus on the road, Jungwoo.”

There’s a sole reason as to why you and Jaehyun have bad blood. Ridiculous as it sounds, Jaehyun has been categorized as three different things throughout your entire life. Childhood friend, crush, and enemy. There was a time where you and Jaehyun were childhood friends. You’d always be attached at the hip. Whatever was yours was his and vice versa. But things began to take a sharp turn when you started liking him.

You started liking Jaehyun at the innocent age of fifteen. It was the year where you and the group would go on overnight camp trips. Jaehyun had just come back from studying in America for a year. You remember seeing Jaehyun stepping out of his mother’s Mercedes-Benz in nothing but a loose basketball t-shirt and jean shorts and thinking, wow, I think I’m in love with him. Things haven’t been the same since.

The switch up of him being the love of your life to your enemy happened on the last night of your camping trip. The group had decided to get a dip in the lake while you and Jaehyun stayed back to set up the bonfire. It was your only chance to tell him, you remember convincing yourself. You planned it out carefully, where you would confess to him and if he returned the same feelings, you’d date. But if he didn’t feel the same way, you both had the brutal option to shove memories of that year’s camping trip into the back of your mind, not to be dug up again. It was stupid of you to think that the former would happen instead of the latter.

Ever since then, just the thought of you crushing on Jaehyun made your blood boil. You wish it never happened. You wish you never saw Jaehyun in a different light. You wish your heart never skipped a beat too many when you liked Jaehyun. 

You wish you never liked him.

“We’re here, kids.”

It takes a harsh shove for you to wake up. Your eyes shoot open and your hands ball up into fists as you prepare to fight someone. Fight or flight response. As your eyes meet Jaehyun, he glares at you. Jungwoo watches the both of you from the driver’s seat. 

“Your head’s incredibly heavy, did you know that?” Jaehyun complains after pushing your head off of his shoulder, getting out of the car. You scoff, grumbling underneath your breath as you get out of the car. The door slams shut. Jungwoo smiles at the cute interaction.

As you step out of the car, you feel yourself shiver from the chilly breeze that hits against your cheeks. Your instinct is to warm up your cheeks with your knitted gloves. Jaehyun’s pulling out your things from the trunk. It’s not long until you hear a loud screech a couple of metres away. You’re closing the trunk as Jaehyun sets down the last luggage and someone jumps over you, almost making you stumble over. You let out a yelp, looking over your shoulder to see Yeri on your back. You let out a scream.

“You said you weren’t coming home for Christmas! What are you doing here?” You exclaim, pulling your younger sister into a tight embrace. Yeri giggles, wrapping her arms around you as she snuggles into your warmth. 

“Of course, it was a lie. I wanted to surprise you and Taehyung—you’re not Taehyung.” She pulls away from the hug and looks up at Jaehyun. She looks at the both of you with confusion. She points at him. “You’re not Taehyung. Y/N, are you sure you brought the right guy home for Christmas?”

You and Jaehyun share a look. Get into your act, Jaehyun reminds himself and he immediately straightens his posture. He extends his hand out to Yeri and Yeri raises an eyebrow. “Hi, I’m Jaehyun. We’ve met before you studied abroad but I’m not sure if you remember me. I’m Y/N’s boyfriend—”

“Boyfriend?” Yeri blurts out. She looks at you in shock. “Since when did you drop Taehyung so fast?”

You let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of your neck. Somehow, it’s difficult to come up with an answer but before you could at least utter out a word—

“It’s getting quite cold outside, shall we head in?” Jaehyun suggests, throwing his arm around your shoulder. You’re too bothered by your thoughts of your ex-boyfriend to even notice that Jaehyun’s doing skinship with you. “Babe?”

Babe? You snap out of it. You look up at him. “R-Right, it’s getting cold. Let’s head inside.”

Yeri stares at the two of you and grins. “Well, I’m happy you dropped Taehyung. I never liked him for you anyway. It seems like Jaehyun’s a better suit for you, but I’ll have to find that out myself. Welcome home, Y/N. And Jaehyun, make yourself at home.”

Jaehyun’s not sure why Yeri’s words send a shiver down his spine. As your younger sister is the first one to head back into the cabin, the both of you glance at each other. You push Jaehyun’s arm off your shoulder, scrunching your nose in disgust, and pulling out the handle of your luggage. “Let’s head inside, it’s freezing.”

“Y/N, if we’re going to pretend like we’re dating, at least make it look real.” Jaehyun mutters.

“Sorry, I was just caught off guard about—” You begin before stopping yourself. You bite your lip. “Let’s just head inside, we wouldn’t want everyone waiting for us at the dinner table, especially my parents.”

Jaehyun purses his lips into a line. About what? He turns around to look at Jungwoo. Jungwoo’s too intimidated by what had just gone down and he’s not sure if he could handle it any longer. “Thanks for the ride, Jungwoo.”

Jungwoo looks at Jaehyun nervously. “Make sure you guys kick ass with this fake relationship because from what had just happened now, I’m not sure if the act will last long.”

“Oh, we will.” Jaehyun shoves his hands into his pockets. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“You better.”

The moment your parents looked at Jaehyun from across the dining table, you just knew. Your mom is the first to set her spoon and fork down onto the table, tilting her head in confusion before looking at you with a slightly questioning gaze. Mustering up a smile, you shrug your shoulders, glancing at Jaehyun who’s sitting next to you on your right. Jaehyun, however, has been great with putting up the act. He has the fakest smile spread across his lips and his body is tensed up. You’re too busy trying to stop yourself from breaking out into a teasing smile, but you fail at doing so. Jaehyun places his hand on top of yours, gently rubbing the top of your hand with the pad of his thumb. Your smile grows wider when you notice how moist and sweaty Jaehyun’s hands are.

He’s nervous, you think to yourself. Maybe you could get used to this, where Jaehyun is a nervous mess in front of your parents who look intimidating—but are definitely far from it. 

Your dad’s reaction comes a bit later than your mom’s. He’s looking up from his plate and he chokes on his food when his eyes land on Jaehyun. “Wait, you’re not Taehyung.”

Jaehyun chuckles nervously, nodding his head. He sucks in a breath. “I’m Jaehyun, Y/N’s boyfriend. I’m not sure if you remember me but Y/N and I went to the same high school and—”

“Ah! That’s right! I knew you looked familiar.” Your mom exclaims. Jaehyun suddenly feels nervous under your mom’s gaze and he sets his spoon and fork down to engage in the conversation. Your mom glances at you. “Y/N, sweetie, I think you need some explaining to do. I wish you told me sooner that you and Taehyung weren’t dating anymore because I assumed you were still together and I even bought him a Christmas present—”

“We broke up, mom.” You bite your lip, shoving a spoonful of soup into your mouth. You’re avoiding your mom’s gaze, but from your periphery, you can see Jaehyun looking at you. “We broke up three months ago. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I could still give Taehyung your present—”

“Oh, no, you don’t need to, sweetheart.” Your mother shakes her head. She looks at Jaehyun apologetically. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun, I probably made things a bit awkward.”

Jaehyun tears his gaze away from you. He smiles. “No worries.”

Yeri clears her throat. “Jaehyun, are you worried that you might be my sister’s rebound—”

“Yeri.” You glare at her as you hiss. “Please—”

Your words are cut short when Jaehyun squeezes your hand. You glance at him and his face softens. He looks at your sister. “I’m not worried at all. Sure, we’ve been dating for only two months. Sure, Y/N had just gotten out of a relationship. Sure, her wounds are still fresh. But asking your sister to give me a chance was my choice, and just the fact that your sister gave me a chance tells me that she’s ready to move on.”

For a brief moment, Jaehyun looks like he’s being sincere about his words. It feels so real, almost like he’s telling the truth. If you were someone else, you’d definitely believe him. He’s being too creative with this act, and you definitely have to reward him some brownie points for the effort. 

You don’t notice the small smile forming on your lips. Jaehyun’s eyes meet yours and he mirrors your smile. “Right, Y/N?”

You chuckle, shaking your head. “Right.”

Your dad lets out a light-hearted chuckle. “I think you both suit each other. I see a difference in my daughter’s aura, Jaehyun, it must be because of you. When Taehyung spent the Christmas holidays with us, Y/N looked completely different.”

“Is that a good sign?” Jaehyun jokes.

“Yes.” Your dad flashes him a warm smile. “Kudos to you, it means you’re doing a perfect job.”

Jaehyun’s smile falters.

It means you’re doing a perfect job.

A perfect job of acting. This isn’t real. 

The first day of the holiday vacation is a trip to the Christmas Market. Every year, you and your family spend the first day of the holiday vacation at the Christmas Market for a variety of things. It could be an opportunity to pick out gifts for your Secret Santa, it could be an opportunity where your parents will visit the grocery shop to get groceries for the Christmas Eve dinner, or it could simply be an opportunity to shop around for yourself and have fun. 

It’s also the day where your cousin Haechan and his family will move into the cabin for the week. The cabin is always busy and full of joy when both your family and Haechan’s family are there. It’s what makes the holiday vacation much more special. It’s sort of like Midas touch.

“Please remember that we parked right in front of the Gingerbread House because you know that I’ll forget.” Your dad commands the moment all of you hop out of the SUV.

Jaehyun looks at the hustle and bustle of the Christmas Market. He’s amused and fascinated by all the dimly-lit lights scattered all over the market. To set the Christmas mood, it’s lightly snowing and all Jaehyun could smell is hot chocolate from the cafe a couple of metres away. “This is…”

“Amazing?” You look up at him.

He nods his head. “Yeah… amazing.”

As all of you reach the entrance gates of the Christmas Market, everyone begins to split ways, leaving you and Jaehyun behind. You remove your hand from Jaehyun’s. “Well, I’m going to go shop around for my Secret Santa. You can go and do whatever you want for the meantime, unless you want to join me—”

“Let me join you—”

“Ew.” You scrunch up your nose in disgust. “Fine, do whatever you want, I guess.”

Jaehyun reaches down to grab your hand and you raise an eyebrow. He shrugs his shoulders. “You never know, we might bump into them in the shops and they’ll wonder why we’re not holding hands.”

“Do we always have to hold hands?” You question. “I’m sure holding hands is not a mandatory requirement for couples. Besides, your hands are disgustingly sweaty.”

Jaehyun lets go of your hand and looks at it. “Are they?”

You snort. “Let’s go before they start wondering why we’re just standing here doing nothing.”

He fails to notice that you’re already walking away from him because he’s too distracted by his ‘sweaty’ hands. He grumbles angrily underneath his breath, ready to protest only to see that you’re no longer standing in front of him. He looks up to see you already a couple of metres away. He wipes his hands on the sides of his jeans and begins to jog up to you.

“Wait! Hold my hand! Y/N! They’re not sweaty anymore!”

You hear him calling out to you and it only makes you smile and let out a bubbly giggle.

“Are you my Secret Santa?”

Yeri jumps at your voice, completely startled. You burst out into laughter. She frowns at you and folds her arms. You and Jaehyun had so happened to bump into Yeri at the jewelry shop. It’s been at least an hour and a half since you started shopping for your Secret Santa and you still haven’t gotten anything. You figured that a stop at the jewelry shop will help you out. 

“I’m not,” Yeri mumbles. “I got Haechan this year.”

“And how do I know that you’re not lying?”

The jeweler comes back to the counter with a beautiful Louis Vuitton necklace. You lean closer to Yeri to get a better look of the necklace. Yeri turns the LV pendant around to reveal an engraved ‘H’ on the back. You let out a sad sigh. “I told you. I’m Haechan’s Secret Santa this year. Believe me now?”

“I’m kind of disappointed that you’re not my Secret Santa this year. You always go out with the gifts and I’d be more than grateful to receive a beautiful necklace like this.” You sigh again. “It’s alright. You still need to give me a birthday gift anyways.”

“Your birthday is in March.” Yeri snorts. 

“Anyways, I’ll continue shopping. Don’t make your pockets hurt too much, alright? You got textbooks to buy when you go back to university once the Christmas break is over.”

She groans. “Don’t even remind me.”

You laugh. Before you’re walking away, a familiar necklace catches your eye. You look down at the glass counter to stare at the necklace. It’s the Louis Vuitton silver lockit that you’ve always wanted to buy. Your smile is replaced with a frown. You shrug off your sad thoughts before moving on to another glass cabinet of chain bracelets.

Jaehyun observes you as you walk away. He walks closer to the counter, looking down at the necklace you were just looking at. Yeri nudges him and he glances at her.

“You know, Y/N’s always wanted that necklace, but I’m not sure if she wants it anymore.” Yeri whispers quietly. “She told Taehyung that the moment she saw that necklace, she dreamt of having it. They were  six years into their relationship when Y/N found out that the woman Taehyung was seeing behind her back was given the exact same necklace.”

“Taehyung cheated—” Jaehyun stops himself. He looks over his shoulder to see you standing on the other side of the room, talking to the jeweler about a few sets of chain bracelets. You don’t look as happy as you were a while ago. He frowns, looking back down at the necklace. 

“I’m sure Y/N never told you about that,” Yeri mumbles. “That’s because I’m the only person that knows. But since you seem to be a good guy for my sister, I figured it would be safe to tell you.”

“Why do you trust me so much?” Jaehyun asks.

Yeri shrugs her shoulders. “I guess it’s because my sister would never replace the man she loved so much with someone else this fast. But she did, and that could only mean that you must be very special to her.”

But I’m not. I’m not special. Jaehyun thinks to himself. He purses his lips into a tight line. “I see. Thank you for putting so much trust in me. You barely even know me.”

“No problem.” She beams at him. “Anyways, you’re being a bit too obvious.”

“Me? Being a bit too obvious? About what?”

“About being Y/N’s Secret Santa.”

“Well… shit.”

The cabin becomes more lively the moment Haechan and his family enters. Haechan immediately rushes to his usual room which is right across from Yeri’s. The two of them are like two peas in a pod, either always bickering over the smallest things or having late-night conversations in the cabin’s basement. There’s no in between. They’re truly cousins. 

“Who just ran past?” Jaehyun asks you. You’re busy stirring up two cups of hot chocolate. One for you and the other for— “Hey, thanks for the hot chocolate—”

“Haechan, get here before your hot chocolate gets cold!” You yell, turning around and leaving Jaehyun in the kitchen to meet Haechan halfway. 

“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here—who the flipping heck are you?” Jaehyun looks past your shoulder to see who he assumes is your cousin Haechan. Haechan gently grabs his mug of hot chocolate from you and takes a quick sip. 

“Me?” Jaehyun points to himself.

“No, the dude standing behind you—of course, I’m talking to you.” Haechan quirks an eyebrow. Well, what a sassy cousin. No wonder you’re both related, Jaehyun thinks to himself. “Hi, I’m Haechan, Y/N’s cousin. You probably already know that.”

“I’m Jaehyun,” he introduces himself. “Y/N’s boyfriend.”

“What?” Haechan blurts out. “I thought—weren’t you dating—I am completely and utterly confused. You have some explaining to do, Y/N. You dropped Taehyung pretty fast. I am also Taehyung’s Secret Santa, now how the fuck am I going to give him his present?”

“Exactly what Yeri said, no wonder the both of you get along so well.” You roll your eyes. “About Taehyung’s gift, just leave it with me and I’ll give it to him for you—”

Haechan squints his eyes at the two of you with suspicion. “I’m getting the vibe that you guys aren’t really dating but are just putting up an act—”

“We’re not.” You both cut him off in unison.

“Huh, well,” Haechan grins. “It’s just surprising to see that you’ve moved on from a long relationship with Taehyung that fast. You replaced him really quickly. I wonder why.”

Jaehyun wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “Things just happen. It was nice meeting you, Haechan.”

“I guess this Christmas holiday will be spicier and messier than I thought.” Haechan smirks. “It was nice meeting you too, Jaehyun.”

Haechan saw right through the two of you and that alone sends shivers down your spine. Just as he’s about to head back to his room with his hot chocolate, you reach out for the ends of his sleeve, tugging him back. He looks at you questioningly.

“Yes, Y/N, my beloved cousin?”

“Don’t tell anyone.” You beg.

“Y/N—” Jaehyun’s eyes widen.

“I fucking knew it!” Haechan exclaims before Jaehyun reaches out to cover his mouth with his hand. Haechan glares at Jaehyun, licking his hand. Jaehyun yelps, wiping his hand against the side of his pants with a look of disgust. 

“Haechan, please don’t tell mom, dad, or Yeri. You are the only one that knows about this. If you tell them then we’re—”

“Screwed? Yeah, I know.” Haechan chuckles. He pats your shoulder. “No worries. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Promise?” Jaehyun squints his eyes at him.

Haechan glances at him. “I promise. But, what’s in it for me?”

“I’ll get you the PS5—”

“I’ll get you those speakers you wanted—”

“PS5?” Haechan’s eyes widen like saucers. 

You bite your lip, looking at Jaehyun. You mumble, “you’re making the biggest mistake right now, Jaehyun—”

“Deal. Your not-so-real boyfriend will be getting me a PS5 in exchange for keeping your not-so-fake secret.” Haechan puts his hands up as if he’s going to preach. “I give you both the family’s blessing.”

You playfully punch him in the stomach, and he bends over in response. He groans. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Go unpack your things before Jaehyun changes his mind.”

Haechan obliges to your order, leaving the both of you in the kitchen before looking over his shoulder. His eyes meet Jaehyun’s and he smiles. “Welcome to the family, Jaehyun. I think I’m starting to like you already. Not for my cousin, but you get it.”

“How the fuck am I going to get your cousin a PS5?”

It’s the second day of your Christmas holiday, and you find yourself lying against the snow. It snowed a good twenty centimetres overnight and Haechan dragged you out of bed just to make snow angels before it gets shovelled away. Fortunately enough, it’s still snowing and the pretty sight of snowflakes falling from the sky brings a bright smile to your face. Haechan lets out a happy sigh.

“So, why did you do it?”

You look to your right. Haechan’s not looking back at you, he’s looking up at the sky. You raise an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“Your fake relationship.” Haechan clarifies, finally looking at you. “Why did you do it? I mean, you could’ve simply told your parents that you and Taehyung broke up instead of bringing Jaehyun into this mess.”

You give yourself some time to come up with an explanation because surprisingly, you didn’t have one. Well, you did have one, but now that Haechan’s confronting you about it, you suddenly think your reasoning is stupid. 

You shrug your shoulders. “I just didn’t want to disappoint my parents.”

“You didn’t want to disappoint your parents?” Haechan asks.

You hum in reply. “Taehyung and I dated for six years. That’s a long time. My parents adored him. When we broke up, I was devastated. Six years of dating down the drain. I guess I just didn’t want my parents to see me look like a mess over him.”

“And so you asked Jaehyun to pretend to be your boyfriend for the annual Christmas holiday?” You nod your head. Haechan purses his lips into a tight line and nods his head understandingly. “I get where you’re coming from.”

“I figured it would be better for my parents to know that although Taehyung and I broke up, there’s still someone out there who stepped in to take care of me.” You add with much hesitation. “It would be better for them to know that than seeing how horrible I am because of the breakup and how I haven’t been taking care of myself properly.” 

“Well, you should give your fake boyfriend some credit for putting in so much effort to pull such an act in front of your parents.” Haechan says. “For a week too.”

Haechan’s right. No matter how much you hate Jaehyun, you must consider the fact that Jaehyun decided to help you out. He could’ve simply neglected you—like he always does—and made you embarrass yourself in front of your parents. He could’ve just flat out not help you at all. But he did. 

Somehow, it makes you wonder. Why? If it’s so simple for Jaehyun to not help you at all, why did he end up helping you anyway? There must be a catch, aside from the vintage turntable you have to get him in return. There’s definitely a deeper reason as to why Jaehyun’s doing this for you.

“You guys are up really early.”

You and Haechan sit up from the snow to see Jaehyun standing at the door. He has a hot, steaming cup of coffee and it looks like he had just gotten out of bed. Haechan waves him over. “Finish your coffee and join us out here!”

“I think I’ll pass—”

“It snowed?!” Jaehyun’s cut off by your younger sister, Yeri, who pushes past him. She steps out onto the porch and extends her arms out to catch snowflakes in her bare hands. She smiles. “Don’t move! I’m putting on my jacket and I’ll join you.”

She hurriedly rushes inside, zooming past Jaehyun. Jaehyun quirks an eyebrow. His gaze is focused on you. You’re bursting out into laughter after throwing a snowball at Haechan’s face. He’s in the midst of rolling up a snowball only to get hit in the face by another one. “Hey!”

You stick your tongue out. “You snooze, you lose.”

Jaehyun smiles. “On second thought, I think I’ll join.”

And so he does. He sets his cup of coffee down and lets it run cold. In a couple of minutes, he finds himself lying next to you on the snow. He’s looking up at the sky, snowflakes getting caught in his long eyelashes. You sit up, looking down at him. You fall into his line of sight and he can’t help but notice how pretty you look. Your lips are itching to smile.

“You have long eyelashes,” you point out. 

He nods his head. “You noticed.”

“And,” you mumble, getting lost underneath his gaze. “Your ears are really red.”

“Huh? No, they’re not—”

“They are—”

“They’re not—”

“They are—oof!”

You gasp, immediately wiping snow off your face. Jaehyun bursts out into a cackle. “I can’t believe you didn’t expect that to happen!”

You frown. “It was bound to. You’re going to pay for this!”

Haechan and Yeri watch you and Jaehyun chase each other out on the front lawn that’s covered in snow. You’re both chasing each other with snowballs, throwing them at each other when the opportunity is there. Yeri lets out a happy sigh.

“They look happy together, huh?” Yeri asks.

Haechan nods. “They do. Your sister looks different from last Christmas.”

“Yeah, you could tell her and Taehyung weren’t doing so great.” Yeri agrees. “I kind of knew they were going to break up eventually. Taehyung looked like he had already fallen out of love and was just trying to find the right opportunity to end things with her. But now, she looks happy. Happier, I mean.”

“With him?” Haechan questions.

“She looks happier with him,” Yeri smiles proudly. “She also looks like she’s been set free.”

Haechan purses his lips into a tight line, letting out a sigh that Yeri can’t tell if it was a happy or sad sigh. He falls back against the snow, muttering to himself. “Oh boy, this isn’t going to end well.”

“Did you say something?”

“Me? No, nothing at all.”

The fireplace is the only thing keeping you warm in the surprisingly cold living room. You’re sitting right in front of it with a fresh mug of hot chocolate for good measure. Everyone’s sound asleep in their rooms, but you somehow can’t seem to fall asleep. Placing your mug onto the coffee stand, you pull your knees to your chest and you rest your chin on top of your knees. 

“You’re still awake?”

You look over your shoulder to spot Jaehyun standing at the doorway. He looks like he had just woken up from his deep slumber. He’s rubbing the sleep from his eyes and trudges his way towards you. You look up at him, nodding your head. “I can’t sleep.”

“You know, I’m sure your parents are wondering why we’re sleeping in different rooms.” Jaehyun suddenly brings up. 

You scoff. “I am not sleeping in the same bed with you—”

“We don’t have to. I’ll just take the couch and you can sleep on the bed.” Jaehyun shrugs his shoulders, pointing at your mug of hot chocolate. “I’ll take the couch if you make me a cup of hot chocolate.”

“Why are you even awake?”

Jaehyun clamps his mouth shut. He scratches the back of his neck. “I noticed your door was open and I was wondering if you were still awake.”

You smirk. “You were concerned about me? How sweet.”

“Shut up.” He grumbles. “Go make me a cup of hot chocolate.”

You smile evilly. “No.”

Jaehyun’s too tired to bicker with you. He ends up occupying the empty spot right next to you in front of the fireplace. He hears you let out a sigh. “Do you think your parents believe it?”

“Believe what?”

He looks at you as if you’re stupid. “That we’re dating.”

“Oh,” you laugh. “I guess? My mom hasn’t spoken to me about you yet. Well, aside from that time she told me how much she liked you—”

“Your mom likes me?” He asks. “For you?”

You frown. “Unfortunately.”

“Admit it, I am the best person to take home for Christmas.” Jaehyun says with a smug grin.

You roll your eyes. “It was so peaceful before you joined me. Do you mind just going back to sleep and leaving me alone?”

“Fine, fine, fine, I’ll just shut up.” Jaehyun gives up, settling his gaze back to the fire. 

It’s silent for a couple of minutes. There are so many things running through your head. You’re not sure where to start. Heck, you’re not even sure if you’ll ever stop thinking too much about the past. Jaehyun seems to notice how silent you’ve gotten. He shifts his gaze and stares at you. You have a distant look. Your eyes seem to sparkle, captivating him. He could see the gears shifting in your head.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Jaehyun clears his throat. “Why did you and Taehyung break up?”

You look at him with a broken gaze and it’s enough for Jaehyun’s heart to ache. You’re surely not over him. In fact, you look far from it. But he couldn’t blame you, you and Taehyung dated for six years. Six years of memories with someone special isn’t something to forget about so easily. 

You laugh it off, but your teary eyes tell something else. “He cheated on me.”

“That…” Jaehyun trails off. “Sucks.”

You stare at him with raised eyebrows before bursting out into laughter. “That’s your reaction? That… sucks?”

“Well, I think Taehyung lost someone special.” Jaehyun says, avoiding your gaze. He looks at the fire, a smile threatening to spread across his lips. “I’m sure he regrets it now. If not now, he’ll surely regret it later on.”

“You see, the Jaehyun I’m talking to right now is much more pleasant.” You bite back a smile. “Why can’t you just be nice, like a decent person?”

“Look, this isn’t a one-way thing. Why can’t you just be nice either?” He asks and immediately, you’re both back to enemies. 

It falls silent again. 

“But, do you really think so?” 

“Think about what?”

“That Taehyung lost someone special?” You whisper. 

Jaehyun meets your eyes. Your eyes aren’t as glassy anymore. In fact, they look a bit more hopeful, a bit more happier. It makes his heart beat a beat too many. 

“I know so.”

When my MOON rises, your SUN rises as well, under the same sky.

You’re almost halfway through your Christmas holiday with your parents and you can’t wait to go home. You can’t wait to go back to your normal, Jaehyun-free life. You’re sure Jaehyun can’t wait either. Your eyes flutter open and you’re immediately blinded by the sunlight peeking through the blinds. You let out a yawn, slowly sitting up on your bed and stretching your arms out. 

Your arms drop when you feel an arm wrapped around your waist. Your eyes slightly widen. Glancing to your left, you see Jaehyun fast asleep. Tucking strands of your hair behind your ear, an idea pops into your head. With a mischievous grin, you quietly grab your phone from the bedside table, going to your phone camera. You slowly hold up your phone in front of Jaehyun’s face. His lips are slightly parted open and he lets out a snore that sounds like the honk of a car. 

“This is perfect blackmail.”

Just as you’re about to take a picture, Jaehyun’s eyes flutter open and widen when he realizes that you’re attempting to take a picture of him— “Give me that!”

You let out a yelp. He grabs your phone and you use all of your willpower to tug your phone away from him. It’s a game of tug-of-war with your phone. Jaehyun’s much stronger and he yanks your phone with all of his might, causing you to fall on top of him. Your hands are pressed against his chest and he’s got his eyes clenched shut. You tilt your head in confusion, why are his eyes—

He peeps one eye open. “Why are your eyes closed?”

His other eye opens. “My eyes weren’t—I had something in my eye.”

“Yeah?” You grin. “Then why are your ears red again?”

“They’re not red—” 

“They are!” You exclaim, pointing at them as you move off of him. Out of instinct, he covers his ears with his freakishly large hands. 

“They’re not.”

You raise up your hands in defeat. “Fine.”

He slowly uncovers his ears that are still red. “Good morning, I guess—”

“Y/N! Jaehyun! The skating rink opened! Let’s go before it gets crowded!”

“Time to get out of bed, Jungwoo, stop worrying.” Jungwoo tells himself, slapping his cheeks and getting up from bed. 

All week, he’s been worrying about you and Jaehyun. Things could either work out really well, or it’ll all crash and burn. He shrugs off his thoughts, finally getting out of bed to make himself some breakfast. As he trudges his way to the kitchen, he stops in his tracks when he spots his projector still sitting on the coffee table. 

“How could I forget to put that away?” Jungwoo scolds himself, walking over to the coffee table. He opens  his laptop to disconnect the projector, only to stop. 

The PowerPoint he made specifically for you is still open on his laptop. He had probably gotten a bit too drunk from the beer you both had that night and forgot all about it. He goes through the PowerPoint and stops at one particular slide, a soft smile spreading across his lips.

Although he forgot all about the projector and his laptop, there’s one thing he remembers from that night. 

“I guess she’ll never know what reason number five is.”

“You don’t know how to skate?”

Jaehyun stands near the board, holding onto the railings for his dear life. It’s a funny sight, in fact, it has you doubling over in laughter. Haechan and Yeri had already ventured off, skating with each other on the ice, bickering like the cousins they are, and making each other trip because concussions are the sweetest revenge. You’re stuck with Jaehyun near the boards, waiting for him to gain the courage to push himself onto the ice.

“It’s not that bad, Jaehyun.” You reassure him. You hesitatingly extend your arm out to him. “In fact, if you trust me enough, let me teach you.”

“You’re not going to make me fall on my face, are you?” He squints his eyes at you with suspicion.

“I mean, I could,” you shrug your shoulders. “But I’m not that evil.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“I mean, I trusted you enough to help me and pretend to be my boyfriend in front of my family. You could’ve just sabotaged my plan and embarrassed me instead.” You answer.

You had a point. He lets out a sigh, grabbing your hand. Funny thing is that Jaehyun’s hand doesn’t feel sweaty this time around. It feels soft, warm, and perfect in yours. It’s like your hands were meant to hold each other. You begin to skate slowly and you could feel Jaehyun’s reluctance. 

“Just trust me, Jaehyun.”

“I’m trying—”

“Then try harder, doofus!”

“Okay, Jesus—oof!”

Jaehyun slips, completely making a fool out of himself. The way he falls looks extremely embarrassing and there are a couple of kids laughing at him. You frown, looking down at him. He sighs, his back falling against the ice. Suddenly, Jaehyun sees you fake a fall, falling down right next to him. 

“Did you just—”

“Fake a fall? For you? Yes.” You cut him off. “Just go with it.”

“Wait, why?” He chuckles.

“Because your fall is giving me second-hand embarrassment.” You mumble. “Now, let’s get back up and start again. I’m sure you’ll get a hang of it soon.”

And so you both start again. Jaehyun’s hand absentmindedly reaches out to grab yours, interlocking his fingers with yours. At first, you help Jaehyun skate by skating backwards and bringing him along with you. It takes him a couple of falls and trips, but it’s not long until he’s almost getting the hang of it. 

“I told you, it’s not that bad.” You smile.

“I think I can do it.” Jaehyun says softly.

“Do you think so?” You question.

He slowly nods his head. “I might as well try.”

“Alright, I’ll be standing over there. I want you to skate to me.” You point towards one of the corners a couple of metres away. You glance at Jaehyun. “Are you sure you could do it?”

“Let me try.” He insists.

Before you skate off, you let go of Jaehyun’s hand. The warmth of your hand immediately vanishes, and suddenly, Jaehyun feels like he’s missing something. He stares at your back as you skate away. When you turn around to face him, he quickly shifts his gaze away from you. You open your arms, gesturing for him to begin skating over. He sucks in a deep breath and begins to skate over, slowly but surely. You find Jaehyun quite adorable and it makes you start to smile.

Jaehyun looks up from the ice to look at you. You’re smiling at him. But the smile you have on is a different smile. It’s bright, so bright that it blinds him. Your smile feels so foreign, yet so familiar. It’s so familiar that it reminds him of the time when you were both fifteen. It reminds him of the moment you confessed your crush on him. It’s so foreign that it’s been ages since he last saw a smile like that on your face. He’s not sure if Taehyung made you smile that way. He could feel his heart shrivel up, time slow down, and all he could think about are the ways he could make you smile like that forever—

“Oh!”

Jaehyun falls, his butt landing on the ice with a soft thud. You gasp, your mouth hanging open in shock. The both of you just stare at each other in surprise before you’re the first one to break it. You wheeze out into laughter, bending over as you continue to laugh at him. Jaehyun’s too absorbed by your adorable laughter that rings in your ears that it makes him start to laugh with you. 

From a couple of metres away, Haechan slows down and watches the both of you laugh. Jaehyun’s sitting on the ice and you’re bending over, laughing so hard that even Haechan can hear it. 

“This is surely not going to end well.”

On the fourth day, you’re all rummaging through the cabinets for recipe ingredients. Apparently Haechan still thinks Santa exists and so now you’re all spiralling into a mess trying to bake Santa a batch of cookies. Yeri slams the bag of flour onto the countertop and sighs. Jaehyun’s busy mixing the butter, brown sugar, and white sugar in a bowl. You’re greasing the pans and preheating the oven. 

“You know, Santa doesn’t exist—”

“Shut up, Jaehyun!” Haechan gives Jaehyun a warning look. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Jaehyun wipes the sweat off his forehead and glances at you. You’re putting a couple cups of flour into the bowl. A smile slowly occupies his lips when he notices your dusty hair that’s covered in flour. His eyes trail down towards your face, his smile widening, there are some traces of flour on your cheeks. You wipe your cheek, only to make it worse.

He’s itching to wipe the flour off your cheeks, but why does he suddenly feel shy and hesitant to do it? The both of you are supposed to act like a couple. At first, it was so easy for him to pretend to be your boyfriend. But why did it suddenly become difficult? When did it suddenly become difficult?

“Why are you looking at me, love?” Jaehyun snaps out of his trance, caught red-handed. 

He shakes his head, still smiling. “Nothing.”

“You’ve got flour on your face, dumb dumb.” Haechan points at your cheek. 

“I do?” You ask, your hands immediately reaching for your cheeks until—

Jaehyun gently wipes the flour off of your cheeks. His eyes are focused on your cheeks that are heating up with embarrassment. He looks… handsome—

“Thanks.” You stop yourself from thinking too much. 

This is all fake. Remember that.

Jaehyun looks at you with an expression you can’t read. He gives you a genuine smile.

“No problem, love.”

“Jaehyun, do you mind checking up on the cookies?” 

Haechan wakes Jaehyun up from his nap. All it takes is a light nudge and a couple of pokes to the cheek for him to get up from the couch. He looks out the window and surprisingly, it’s snowing. Jaehyun stretches his arms out, slowly getting up from the couch. He trudges his way to the kitchen to find you washing the dishes. He’s about to call out your name, but he stops himself. You’re humming to yourself, rinsing the dishes underneath the water. As you place the clean dishes onto the dish rack, you walk over towards the oven to check up on the cookies.

You squat down, looking through the window to see the cookies almost done baking. Suddenly, you see someone squat down next to you from your peripheral vision. You make the biggest mistake of turning your head. Jaehyun’s already looking back at you, his face inches away from yours. You could feel your heartbeat pick up its pace. 

You clear your throat, quickly looking away from him and acting as if nothing had happened. You point at the cookies. “I think they’re almost done. Let’s give it a couple more minutes—”

“You’re pretty.”

You slowly meet his gaze, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “S-Sorry?”

Jaehyun snaps out of it. “I said, you look like a piggie.”

You scoff, pushing his shoulders. He falls back onto the hardwood floors with a soft thud, glaring at you. You roll your eyes, getting up from your squat position to get back to dishwashing. 

“Piggie, my ass.” You grumble underneath your breath.

You’re scared. You’ve never felt this scared.

The last time Jaehyun ever made your heart race was when you were fifteen. He should not be letting your heart race like that again.

But it is.

“I can’t believe it’s already Christmas Eve.”

“I’m happy this week is almost over.”

You and Jaehyun are in the bathroom, brushing your teeth. He finishes first, wiping his mouth with a face towel and throwing it in your face. You yell at him, grabbing the towel and throwing it at his back. “I’m glad I don’t have to romantically associate myself with you after this.”

Jaehyun raises his hands up. “Surprise, surprise, me too. Two more days of this shit and I’ll finally be free. Don’t forget that vintage turntable you promised me—”

“I never break my promises—”

“I didn’t say that—”

“But you were implying it—”

“Babe, I’ll be downstairs to help set up the dining table for breakfast.” There’s a sudden change in Jaehyun’s voice, making you straighten up your posture. It happens out of instinct. You clear your throat, stepping out of the bathroom to see your mother entering the bedroom.

“Mom, hey,” you greet her nervously, scratching the back of your neck. “Did you need something?”

She shakes her head, a small smile on her lips and she makes herself comfortable on the edge of your bed. You awkwardly stand in front of the bathroom, fiddling with your fingers, a bad habit of yours that you can’t seem to drop. Jaehyun picks up your mannerism and slowly exits the bedroom to leave the two of you alone. Why was this making him feel nervous? Did your mother see through the two of you?

“I just wanted to check up on you,” she says softly. “About you and Taehyung.”

You bite your lip. “I don’t think there’s much to say about Taehyung and I—”

“Why didn’t you tell me that the both of you broke up?” She asks with concern. “Were you afraid that we would be worried about you?”

You slowly nod your head in reply. “I was terrified.”

“Well, you can always tell me anything. You know that.” She reminds you.

You let out a soft sigh. You’re so close to telling your mom the truth. That this whole relationship with Jaehyun is a lie, that it’s a front to keep them from feeling disappointed in you. That Jaehyun is merely just an enemy, someone far from your boyfriend. But you bite your tongue to stop yourself.

“Taehyung cheated on me,” you whisper. Scratch that, it barely comes out above a whisper. Your mom is silent. You bite your lip. “I know. I reacted the same way.”

“How long? When did you find out?” She questions. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. He doesn’t deserve you.”

Then, who does? Who deserves you? Do you deserve to be loved? The thought makes your eyes water, but you blink them away before your mom notices. You can’t look weak in front of her, she will only see right through you. 

“I found out a year and a couple of months before we broke up.” You answer and your voice almost cracks. “He’s been seeing her for a while. I mean, we’ve been dating for six years and I found out he started seeing her when we were four years in.”

“Are you okay?” She asks. “Will you be okay?”

You purse your lips into a tight line. “I hope so. I mean, Jaehyun’s been too good to me and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it—”

“From the looks of it, Jaehyun’s keeping you happy.” Your mom smiles. “But what makes me sad are the times you came home with Taehyung for Christmas and acted like everything between the both of you was alright, when you knew that he was seeing someone else.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you.” You whisper.

She shakes your head. “You’ll never disappoint me, Y/N. I will always be proud of you.”

The tears flow down so easily. Your mom pulls you into an embrace and gives you gentle, soothing rubs on the back. You warm up to her embrace, snuggling into her neck and letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Besides, I think Jaehyun is doing a pretty good job at helping you move on. You look different to how you looked when you were with Taehyung. There’s something more brighter and prettier about your smile that you have on whenever you’re with Jaehyun.” Your mom explains.

“You think so?”

She smiles. 

“Yes, I do.”

The four of you sit in front of the fire, all sporting the same pair of red, plaid pajamas and ugly sweaters. There are four presents sitting right in front of you, waiting to be given out. It was Haechan’s idea to stay up until midnight, where it’d officially be Christmas Day and you could open your Secret Santa gifts. Patience is such a virtue, and Haechan clearly doesn’t have it. 

“I can’t believe the week is almost over.”

Haechan doesn’t get a single word from any of you. You’re a bit tipsy to find the right words to say to him. The Christmas Eve dinner was eventful but you can’t seem to stop thinking about how Jaehyun looked at you from across the dining table. There’s something different about the way he looks at you now, and it bothers you.

You feel a slight nudge. You glance to your side to meet Jaehyun’s gaze. “What?”

“Do you remember when you first confessed to me?” 

You scoff, covering it up with a cough in case Yeri picks up your sudden change in attitude. You say through gritted teeth, “Of course I do, babe. Do you remember?”

Jaehyun’s close to chuckling. He tears his gaze away from you and stares at the fire. It reminds him of that night at the campsite, where the both of you were setting up the bonfire. He remembers finding you really pretty and adorable that night, and he was itching to tell you. But he couldn’t do it. He remembers hearing you call out his name with a soft voice, how his heart skipped a beat. You were looking up at him with hopeful eyes. And then you confessed to him.

“Of course I do,” he mumbles with a shy smile on his lips. “How could I ever forget?”

You’re staring at him a bit too much. The small smile on his lips kind of throws you off. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. It comes out as a whisper. “What do you mean?”

It seems he has heard you because he shrugs his shoulders. “What do you think I mean?”

You’re tipsy. “You’re being extremely confusing, Jaehyun.”

When Jaehyun finds the courage to look at you, you almost let out a soft gasp. The way he looks at you is the same way he looked at you that night at the campsite. It terrifies you. You look away from him.

“Do you regret it?”

“Regret what?”

“Confessing to me that night.” He clarifies for you.

You purse your lips into a tight line. “A huge part of me does, but that’s only because you rejected me.”

“I did not reject your confession.” 

You scoff. “Yeah, because flat out saying ‘I don’t return the same feelings as you.’ isn’t considered a rejection.”

“Would you ever,” he begins to ask, but he stops himself. 

“Would I ever, what?”

“Would you ever fall in love with someone like me?” He questions. “No, would you ever like me? Again?”

You’re definitely drunk.

“If you weren’t so much of an annoying brat, I would.”

“You would?”

“Sure. Maybe in a heartbeat.”

And in a heartbeat, Jaehyun finds himself feeling terrified because the feelings that he forced himself not to feel anymore don’t seem to leave, but instead grow stronger. Why did he have to be in love with you? Why is he such a coward? A fool? He’s not sure. But being in love with you is the best thing he’s ever done, and if being in love with you was a mistake… it would be his most beautiful mistake that he’s ever made.

And a beautiful mistake you truly are, when he carefully holds your face in his large hands, when he watches your eyes flutter shut as he leans in, when your lips are inches away from each other, when he kisses you out on the porch underneath the snowflakes falling from the sky.

As you both pull away, time that felt frozen had gone back to normal and the images that remain stuck in his mind is the look of confusion you had given him and the J necklace he gifted you that’s wrapped around your neck. 

“I have another gift for you, Y/N.”

“What is it?” You ask softly. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I had to, I was your Secret Santa, right?” He pulls out another box from his pocket and hands it to you. He sucks in a deep breath. “I hope you like it.”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, eyes trailing down to the box into your hands. You gently open the box and you could feel your breath getting caught in your throat.

It’s the silver lockit you’ve always wanted but never got. 

The only difference is that you’re not sure if you wanted it after finding out Taehyung cheated on you.

Jungwoo pulls up to the cottage with an empty trunk and free hugs. You and Jaehyun step out of the cottage, not uttering a single word to each other since that night out on the porch. You didn’t care if your parents noticed that distance you both had in between each other, you were too lost in your thoughts and feelings. The moment Jungwoo spots the two of you out on the porch, he feels his heart stop. Something surely happened between the two of you. 

“You better have that PS5 ready. I kept this relationship under wraps for a whole week.” Haechan whispers into Jaehyun’s ear when he puts him into a headlock. 

Jaehyun shoves him away. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“You’re leaving soon?” You ask Haechan. 

He shakes his head. “We’re gonna stay back with your family for the rest of the day. We’re leaving tomorrow morning. I kind of wish you guys stayed just a little bit longer.”

“I was only able to book a week off from work. Sorry, Haechan.” You frown. The both of you hug. “It was nice seeing you again after so long. Study hard, alright? If a girl breaks your heart, just let me know who I have to fight.”

And soon enough, you’re both heading towards Jungwoo. Your parents are waving you goodbye from the porch and Jungwoo starts driving down the road. Jungwoo looks at the both of you through the rearview mirror, wincing when Jaehyun’s lips part to start a conversation, but you quickly look away from him and out the window to avoid it. 

What happened, exactly?

“Thanks for the ride, Jungwoo.” 

With the slam of a trunk, you meet Jaehyun’s eyes and purse your lips into a tight line. You fake a smile. “Thanks for helping me, Jaehyun. I really appreciate it. I’ll get you your vintage LP turntable as soon as—”

“You don’t need to get it anymore,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “I was kidding anyways.”

“Alright,” you mumble. “I’ll get going. I’m sure the both of you are tired from the trip—”

Jaehyun feels his heart clench. “Can we—Can we talk?”

Jungwoo bites his lip nervously. You look at Jungwoo from over your shoulder with a questioning gaze. He gestures for you to take your time and he swore he saw you grimace. You smile at Jaehyun, but Jaehyun knows it’s not genuine. “Sure.”

Jaehyun helps you bring your luggage inside of your apartment, placing them right near the door. You stand a few metres away from the door, giving him some space to stand at least a metre away from you. He clears his throat. “So—”

“What is it that you wanted to talk about?” 

He clamps his mouth shut. He feels his hands grow sweaty. “I wanted to talk about last night and why it seems as if you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you, Jaehyun—”

“You are.” Jaehyun cuts you off. “I know you are, but could you at least tell me why?”

“I don’t think we should.” You bite your lip.

He frowns. “Is it because of the necklace?”

You let out a soft chuckle, shaking your head. “No, it’s not because of the necklace—”

“So, it is because of the necklace—”

“Fine. It is because of the necklace. You want to talk about it? Fine.” You let out a frustrated sigh. “Why did you think that this would be a good idea? To give me a necklace that does nothing but remind me of my cheating ex? Right after you kissed me, too?”

“I thought it would give you closure—”

“Closure?!” You let out a bitter laugh. “For what?”

“Because Taehyung is holding you back. Your relationship with him is holding you back. You need to move on, Y/N. Taehyung is not coming back for you—” He begins to explain.

“I’ve established that fact the moment he left me for her. Besides, my relationships are none of your business. On top of that, why do you care so much? This is my life, not yours—”

“Maybe I care so much because—because I—” His heart hurts so much.

“Don’t you dare finish your sentence. I’m sick and tired of your jokes, Jaehyun. Y/N this and Y/N that. Budding crush here and embarrassing crush there. Whatever happened when we were fifteen will remain in the past. I liked you, you didn’t like me back and rejected me—” You look broken.

“Wait, what?” He looks at you with confusion. “I didn’t reject you. In fact, when you confessed to me that night, I was on top of the world because I returned the same feelings—fuck, I still do—”

“You laughed at me when I told you that I liked you—”

“And then you took it the wrong way. Months after that summer, I was figuring out why you were avoiding me, why you were ignoring me, why we suddenly became strangers, only to find out that you’re dating Taehyung—” You look at him incredulously.

“Is that why you decided to help me? Because I look like some charity case, huh? Because you felt bad that my six-year relationship ended with a third party? Or you just wanted to have fun and laugh at me for being so weak? For being the poor little girl who got left behind because her stupid little boyfriend got bored of her? Or you just—”

“You’re not a charity case and you never will be—”

“Then, why?! Why are you helping me? Why do you care so much—” You yell out with frustration.

“Because I’m in love with you, Y/N. I’ve always been in love with you, but you were always running away. And I was always trying to chase after you. I still am. I figured helping you do this for your parents would give me a chance to—” He confesses.

“What? A chance for me to start liking you again? To fall in love with you again?” You mumble. You shake your head. “You had your chance when we were fifteen, Jaehyun. It’s been six years.”

“Y/N—”

“You had many chances. You’re nothing but a coward and a fool.” You point at the door. “Now, please leave. I’ve had enough of this.”

“I—” He begins before he cuts himself off. “Fine, I’ll leave. Whatever suits you, I guess.”

You watch him breathlessly as he steps out of your apartment and slams the door behind him. You flinch at the sound, breaking down completely when you sit on the hardwood floors of your apartment. Jaehyun lets out a sigh, hearing you start to cry from outside your door. He fights himself from knocking on your door to comfort you, but he figures he’s the reason why you’re crying.

As he steps out of the building, Jungwoo frowns upon spotting him. 

Something surely did happen.

And it’s surely not good.

That half-full MOON looks just like me right now. Nothing comes even close to having half of you. If only I had just half of you. If only.

Two months later…

“I have a delivery for Jeong Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun looks at the delivery man with confusion. He tilts his head, signing the papers before getting a huge box placed into his arms. “I don’t remember ordering anything but… thank you.”

With disheveled hair and wrinkled clothes, his half-awake self places the box onto the table. He rummages through the drawers in his kitchen for a knife to open the box after struggling to open it with his bare hands. He opens the box and immediately spots a small envelope sitting right on top of an LP turntable. He almost drops the knife out of shock. With shaky hands, he grabs the envelope and traces the handwritten letters that spell out your name.

He carefully pulls out the card and reads what you��ve written in it. Suddenly, he finds himself grabbing his coat from the coat rack and rushing out the door.

A notification pops up on your phone. 

You grab your phone, continuing to brush your teeth. You let out a snort when you hear Jungwoo singing and talking to himself in the kitchen. When you unlock your phone to read the notification, you feel your heart skip a beat. 

Order delivered. Thank you for shopping with us!

You step out of the bathroom after brushing your teeth. “Hey, Jungwoo?”

Jungwoo is in the midst of flipping a pancake, looking over his shoulder. “Oh, you’re awake? Do you need something?”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t need anything. I just wanted to ask if Jaehyun knows that I…”

“Moved out? Moved in with me?” Jungwoo finishes your sentence and you hesitatingly nod. He shakes his head, looking away from you to finish cooking the pancake before burning his fourth one. “No, he doesn’t know. I figured you didn’t want him to know.”

“Ah, I see.” You mumble. 

He stops. “Wait, why’d you ask?”

You shake your head. “Nothing. Hey, do you mind if I use your laptop for something? I just need to clear out my father’s emails. You know him, he always forgets to do it and thinks it’s my responsibility to do it.”

He nods his head. “Yeah, go for it. You don’t even need to ask.”

As you step into your bedroom, you log into your father’s email, only to realize you’ve forgotten the password. You sigh, typing in all the possible passwords from the top of your head, failing to log in successfully. Your last resort is to call your mother to ask for the password.

“And how could I help my lovely daughter on this fine morning?”

“Stop being cringey, mom.” You roll your eyes. 

“Hi, sweetheart. What’s up?” She chuckles. 

“What’s dad’s password to his email? I’m trying to clean out his inbox again. You know, it’s a monthly thing I do for him. I should get more credit.” 

“Alright, the password is your birthday and Jaehyun’s name in capital letters. Funny how your father decided to use that as his password after he needed to renew it during our holiday vacation.” Your mother says and you fall silent. “Speaking of Jaehyun, how are you guys?”

You’re typing in the password and it works. You let out a chuckle. You begin to lie. “Uh… we’re doing alright. It's his birthday tomorrow, actually.”

“Did you get him something?”

You hum in reply. “I did.”

“What did you get him?” You smile.

“Something he always wanted. Something he told me not to get.” You reply, opening a PowerPoint document your father’s client had emailed him. When you open the PowerPoint, you notice another presentation opened on the application. “Sorry, mother, I think I have to call you later.”

“Alright, talk to you soon.”

You toss your phone to the side, clicking on the familiar PowerPoint presentation opened. It pulls up right in front of your eyes and you let out an airy laugh.

Five reasons why Jeong Jaehyun should be the fake boyfriend you’ll bring home for Christmas.

Reason #1: He is a handsome and smooth motherfucker and I’m sure your parents will be very impressed.

There are many times you’ve been left speechless and struck by how charming Jaehyun is. Well, you did have a crush on him when you were fifteen and your parents seemed very convinced when you brought him home for Christmas. 

Reason #2: Johnny is in a relationship, Sicheng is in a relationship and Mark has a crush on your sister. Jungwoo is too obvious and not an option. This makes Jaehyun the perfect candidate.

Jaehyun surely was the perfect candidate. It was almost as if he was meant to pretend to be your boyfriend. It felt so meant to be that a small part of you wished that it was real, but you were too hung up on your last relationship to even notice. 

Reason #3: Yeri and Haechan would definitely approve of Jaehyun.

They both really adored and loved Jaehyun. It’s a huge difference between the awkwardness they felt when you were with Taehyung, especially when you introduced him to them.

Reason #4: You both look good together. You both suit each other. The only problem is that you both hate each other with a lively passion.

From time to time, you would look at the group pictures you took on Christmas Eve in front of the Christmas tree. You would do it to try and imagine a better person standing next to Jaehyun instead of you, simply because you knew you didn’t deserve someone like him. He’s just too good to be true. 

You click onto the next PowerPoint slide and your breath hitches in your throat.

Reason #5: Jaehyun’s in love with you. You just don’t know that he is. But I, Kim Jungwoo, knows. Why and how, you ask? He told me. In fact, Jaehyun’s been in love with you for the longest time… ever since the both of you were fifteen.

You shut the laptop, tossing it to the side and grabbing your phone. It’s almost as if your feet had a mind of its own, dragging you out of your bedroom and straight towards the door. You’re grabbing your coat and keys as you head out without warning—

“Hey, where are you going? We still have to eat breakfast—and she’s gone.” Jungwoo lets out a sigh, looking down at all the pancakes he made and all the burnt ones he placed on another separate plate. He sighs again. “I guess that leaves me with all of these pancakes to eat.”

“Y/N—you are not Y/N.”

An old lady stands at the door, looking at him questioningly. She blinks once and twice before her eyebrows raise. “Ah! Are you looking for Y/N? The beautiful young lady who lived here before me?”

Jaehyun slowly nods his head. “Y-Yes, I’m looking for Y/N.”

The old lady folds her arms. “Well, I could tell you where she is because I know where she moved in. But I’m not sure if I could trust you enough to tell you. Who are you, exactly? And how are you related to her?”

Jaehyun bites his lip. “I’m her… boyfriend. No, ex-boyfriend—actually, I’m not quite sure—”

“Ah, so you’re the guy she was talking about? The coward? The fool?”

Jaehyun smiles sheepishly. “I—I guess that’s me, yes.”

She chuckles. “Alright, Jaehyun—”

“You know my name?”

“Yes, now listen to me carefully before I forget telling you.” She commands. “She moved out a couple of months ago to move in with her best friend. She left me instructions, actually. She told me that if a handsome man shows up at the door and introduces himself as Jaehyun, I must tell him that he’s a coward and a fool.”

He scoffs. “What is with her?”

“But,” she smiles. “She also asked me if I could tell him where she moved in case he looks for her. She said she’s sure it’s not going to happen, but she asked me to do this favour for her just in case it does.”

“T-Thank you,” he whispers. 

“Now, I’m sure you know which best friend she lives with. But before you leave, I want you to remember one thing.” She continues. “Before you find her, go and grab her some flowers. When you finally find her, don’t chicken out and tell her exactly how you feel. I’m not sure why she calls you a coward and a fool, but if it’s because you weren’t true with your feelings to her, then use this as your second chance.”

Jaehyun chuckles. “I’ll make sure of that.”

She shoos him away. “Now, get going. You might catch her on time.”

And Jaehyun follows her advice. On his way to Jungwoo’s apartment, he drops by a flower shop. He picks up a bouquet of white lilies and pink daisies. He rushes out of the flower shop and starts sprinting to Jungwoo’s apartment a couple of blocks away. 

As he reaches the apartment building, he presses the button for the elevator. When the elevator doors open, he almost rushes into someone until—

“Jaehyun?”

You’re looking at Jaehyun. You both look out of breath. You gawk at him with shock that you barely utter a word except for his name. Jaehyun snaps out of it, walking into the elevator and you back up, your back gently pressed against the wall. You watch him as he presses the buttons to all 20 floors of the apartment building before closing the elevator doors. 

“What are you doing—”

“For you.” He hands you a bouquet of lilies and daisies. You awkwardly take the flowers from him. 

“T-Thanks.” You whisper, losing confidence just because you’re not sure what to expect from him. 

You both face yourselves away from each other. As you reach the second floor, Jaehyun closes the doors right when they open. He scratches the back of his neck. 

“So, when did you move out?”

You bite your lip. “Two months ago.”

He hums in reply. Another awkward silence fills the atmosphere. 

“How have you been?” You both ask in unison before smiling sheepishly. You shyly look away from him. 

“I’ve been great. But I could be doing better.” He says softly. “With you.”

You look up at him. He’s already looking at you. “I assume the old grandma told you where I moved.”

He slowly nods his head. “Yeah.”

“Ah, I see.” You say softly. 

The elevator reaches the third floor. The doors open and Jaehyun closes them immediately. You bite your lip. “Look, Jaehyun—”

“You know, I’m still in love with you.” He confesses again. “I mean, I always have. It’s not like I can force myself to stop being in love with you because I tried and it’s impossible to do and so—”

“Jaehyun, you’re rambling.”

“Am I?” He laughs nervously, looking away from you. “Sorry, I do that when I’m nervous and I’m really nervous right now.”

“Did you get the—”

“The LP turntable?” Jaehyun asks and you nod your head. “Yeah, I did. I got it this morning. T-Thanks.”

You smile. “No problem—”

“You remembered.” He mumbles. “I didn’t think you would remember. I didn’t even think you would get me one either, but you did.”

“How could I forget?”

Another awkward silence. Fourth floor, same routine. The doors open and Jaehyun closes them. 

“Y/N, please say something because I feel really nervous right now and I’m not sure if you’re mad at me or if you’re sad or if you just really don’t want to talk to me and if you don’t, that’s completely fine, just tell me and I’ll hop off on the next floor—”

“I’m not mad at you, Jaehyun. I mean, if I am, I would be the one getting off the elevator right now.” You cut off his ramble. “And you’re rambling again.”

“Sorry, it’s a bad habit.” He apologizes. “So, you’re not mad at me?”

“How could I be mad at you?” You chuckle. “Besides, I feel nervous standing next to you right now. It reminds me of how I felt when I was about to confess to you when we were fifteen.”

Fifth floor. “O-Oh? Really?”

You reach out to press the button to close the doors. “Yeah.”

“Well, as I was saying, I’m still in love with you, Y/N. You don’t have to return the same feelings. I just felt like telling you would clear things up. You can forget about me after this, but I just didn’t want you to remember me as the fool and the coward and just—”

“So, you were in love with me since we were fifteen?”

“God, yes.” He sighs. “I’ve been in love with you for the longest time. When I told you that, I knew you wouldn’t believe me and I understand if you still don’t. But I’m telling you the truth—”

“When do you want to come home and visit my parents?”

You ask. 

“Wait, why?” Jaehyun asks, letting out another nervous laugh. Sixth floor and the doors close again. “Y/N, you’re being a bit confusing right now—”

“My parents miss you, actually. I missed you.” You explain. “But you don’t need to if you don’t want to—”

“I can pretend to be your boyfriend again, Y/N. Anything for you—”

“Not as my fake boyfriend, but as my real boyfriend.” You correct him. 

He stares at you. “Are you in love with me?”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “How could I not be?”

The elevator stops at the seventh floor. Jaehyun breaks out into the biggest smile, gently grabbing your cheeks and crashing his lips onto yours. You stumble back from the impact. He walks forward and you walk backward until you're both standing in the corner. He kisses you passionately and gently that it makes you weak in the knees. 

“Y/N? You forgot to bring this—oh fuck, what the fuck?!” Jungwoo sees the both of you making out in the elevator when the doors open. Jaehyun quickly presses the button to close the door. You giggle, pulling him closer, not wanting any of this to end. 

Jungwoo scrunches up his nose in disgust. “Gross. But cute. I think my work here is done.”

“Babe, I’ll be over there getting popcorn for us. Alright?”

You nod. “Alright. I’ll go and buy the tickets.”

Jaehyun boops your nose with the tip of his finger before heading towards the food court. You’re printing out tickets with the self-checkout booth. Just as you’re about to move to the side for someone else to use the booth, you hear your name being called out but it’s not Jaehyun’s voice. 

You look up from your tickets to see—

“Taehyung?” You squint your eyes to get a better look of the guy approaching you. Indeed, it’s your ex, Taehyung. “Oh, it is you.”

“Long time no see.” He smiles. He’s about to reach in for a hug but you stand still. He chuckles sheepishly. “How have you been?”

You smile. “Better. You? How are you and Injae?”

His smile falters. “We’ve… We’re not together anymore, actually.”

“Ah, I see. Sorry about that.” You apologize. 

“Have you—Have you been seeing anyone, lately? I mean, there must be a reason why we’ve bumped into each other. It must be a sign—”

An arm is thrown over your shoulder and you’re being kept close to Jaehyun, who had come in just in time with the popcorn. “Yeah, I’m assuming that that reason would be to tell you that Y/N’s off the market and will be for a long time. Exes are exes for a reason. And a sign? This must be a sign to tell you to back off.”

“You’re together? The two of you?” Taehyung scoffs. 

“Yes, and?” Jaehyun quirks an eyebrow. “Anyways, it was nice seeing you Taehyung.”

“I—” 

“And I hope this will be the last time too.” Jaehyun smiles, before looking at you. “When did you say your parents were going to arrive, again?”

You chuckle, watching Taehyung walk away with defeat. “They’ll be here soon. I’m sure they can’t wait to see you.”

“There they are!”

Coincidentally, your parents arrive and rush over. Your mother combs out her hair with her fingers and lets out a sigh of relief. “I thought we were late.”

“Nothing to worry about, in fact, you came just in time.” You laugh, looking up at Jaehyun. “Actually, there’s someone I want to introduce to you.”

“Who? Jaehyun?” Your father asks before chuckling. “Silly you, we know who he is—”

Jaehyun extends his hand out to them. “Hi, I’m Jaehyun, Y/N’s boyfriend.”

“But—wait, what?”

And funny as it is, the two of you have a lot of explaining to do.

Baby steps.

author’s note. merry christmas everyone! hope you’ve been staying safe and healthy! take care always and please feel free to send me feedback! it’ll be very much appreciated! i hope you enjoyed this christmas fic!

[emilysshortstories]

Paul Lahote Part One

trigger warnings: ??? Nothing yet but not promises that will keep in later parts

words: 1543

It’s in those moments of deep desperation that you find hope. Or it seems to find you. When I left home to live with my uncle, miles away from my home, desperation was the only thing on my mind. Desperately running away, I didn’t want to face that part of my life that I already felt as though I was behind. I wanted to start fresh. I still do, so why does the reason I came here matter? My uncle, Charlie, agreed that he wouldn’t tell a soul about the events that lead me to his home, not even his own daughter. Who never really dropped the subject of course, but knew it wasn’t any of her business. I wasn’t naive enough to actually believe that I wouldn’t have to face problems here, but I think that’s what drew me here. Different problems, and that’s what I got. 

When I first moved here my cousin, Bella, had a boyfriend who she spent most of her time with. She still introduced me to everyone and showed me around, but when he moved things shifted. Bella completely shut down, she was always quiet and reserved, but this was different. She was numb. It took her a really long time to talk to anyone, and when she did, it was only me, Charlie, and her friend Jacob. They were always working on these two motorcycles together, sometimes I would join them. Jacob was nice, clearly had a massive crush on Bella even though she always denied it. 

One day when I tagged along I met Quil and Embry, they also seemed nice but I didn’t talk to them much. I didn’t talk to anyone that lived on the reservation actually, not until I had to stop Bella from doing something stupid. Feels like I’ve been doing that a lot lately. 

She was pissed. I’ve never seen her this angry before. I was a little scared to get in the car with her, but the fear of what she was going to do with this anger overpowered me. I stayed in the car when she stormed into Jacob’s house, but practically leaped out as I saw her approaching “Sam’s cult”. I was too far behind her and couldn’t reach her until she had already slapped one of the boys. “ALRIGHT” I yelled at Bella, getting in between them and seeing the boy start to shake in anger. “What you’re NOT gonna do is pick a fight with Mr. Mc steroids over here.” I continued while looking the boy up and down. We made eye contact. I didn’t want to but I froze and felt something turn in my gut while he immediately stopped shaking. I quickly shook it off and turned back to my crazy cousin. “Lets leave. Get in the fucking car John Cena”, pointing to her truck. I heard a bit of laughter as we walked away, but didn’t turn around. I didn’t even dare look in the rear view mirror as I drove off.

After Bella calmed down she admitted that slapping a 7 foot Greek sculpture wasn’t the smartest move. “They did something to him, I know it. Jacob’s too scared to tell me what’s going on but I’m gonna figure it out.” Bella said with gritted teeth. “Listen, you know Jacob better than I do so it’s your call, but maybe consider the idea that it’s none of your business? You and him have been friends since preschool. I feel like if it was necessary for you to know, he would have told you”. By the time I finished my speech Bella had already shut down. Just like she was before. Broke my heart seeing her like this. Maybe I should talk to Jacob or the “cult”, just be civil about it. 

So that’s what I did. The next day I drove to Jacob’s house, but Billy said he wasn’t home and to try Sam’s place. Well, he said Jacob wasn’t home and I begged him to tell me where he might be. For some reason he caved and told me where to find him and not Bella. I tried not to think about it too much or let my anxiety get the best of me while driving. 

When I knocked on the door, I didn’t expect a small, sweet woman with a huge scar across her face to answer the door. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Yes, I was looking for Jacob?”

“Are you Bella?”

“No, I’m Y/N, Bella’s cousin.”

“Oh. OH!” She seemed really surprised to find out this information. “Jacob it out with Paul right now. Working. They will be back soon though if you would like to come in, the rest of the crowd is here. I’m Emily, Sam’s fiance.”

“Oh I can come back another time, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Don’t be silly, we are all friendly and we are dying to get to know you.”

What does that mean? I walked in and saw everyone I saw yesterday but Jacob and the boy Bella slapped. Paul. “Hey Embry, how have you been?” I asked, seeming he was the only person I recognized. “Good, You?”

“I’m ok, just worried about Bella. Wanted to give Jacob a bit of grief for leaving her high and dry. She’s taking it a bit hard, but I also wanted to apologize for how she acted yesterday. Slapping who I assume is Paul wasn’t cool at all. I’m sure she feels really awful about it.”

“It’s not Jacob’s fault for leaving Bella. You don’t have to apologize for Bella, I think we have all wanted to slap Paul at some point in time.” Sam said.

“Got it, but is there anything I can do to get Jacob to talk to Bella again?”

“Jump in line, we all want him to talk about it so we don’t have to hear him monologuing all the time about it.” Embry said, before the third and last boy elbowed him really hard. 

“So none of this is your doing?” I asked all the boys.

“Not exactly, no.” Said Sam. 

“Ok. That’s some clarity at least.” I said with a smile.

“Why don’t you sit down, muffin, before the beasts attack them?” Emily offered a bowl full of muffins the size of Ohio to me.

“Thank you, that’s really sweet of you.” I said while taking a muffin and sitting next to Embry. Emily was right that the boys would attack the food, holy shit. “So why don’t you tell us about yourself?” Emily said, seeming excited and sitting across from me. “What do you want to know? I’m pretty much an open book.” 

“What brings you to Forks?” The ONE question I hate.

“Running away from my problems, if i’m being honest. I’ve always loved the rain, needed a change, and my uncle, Charlie, offered me a room. So I took it.”

“I like that, where are you from?”

“Austin.”

“Texas?” said the only boy who I didn’t know.

“No, actually it’s a small secret base on Mars. I’m an alien.” This made everyone laugh, especially the strange boy. “Sorry, I never caught your name?”

“Jared, you always that sarcastic?”

“Yes, humor is my only likable personality trait.”

“I hear that” said Jared while raising his muffin. “What do you like to do for fun?”

“I write, read, and love watching movies and TV shows. I'm a big music lover but I think that’s just a side effect of being born and raised in Austin. Since moving here I’ve really taken up hiking though, it’s so beautiful here. Not just flat desert like in Texas.”

“The only TV show I watch is New Girl, nobody here seems to watch it.” Said Jared and before I even thought it through my favorite Schmit quote fell out of my mouth.

“You would have been my nightmare. We were on very strict instructions from Rabbi Schmolli not to say anything until the very last christian kid found out about Santa Claus. Ruining Christmas? Very bad for our brand.”

Everyone seemed to like me after that and conversation flowed freely. I really liked spending time with everyone and lost track of time until I saw that the sun was going down. “Oh shit, I gotta get going, I’m not used to driving on ice yet and don’t want to drive on these roads when it's dark. Thank you so much for being so nice to me Emily, it was really nice talking to everyone.”

“Oh but Paul isn’t back yet” Emily said quickly. “And Jacob.”

“I can give Jacob shit anytime and I’m sure Paul isn’t my biggest fan after what Bella did so I think it’s a good idea to head out now. Thanks again though.” I said and started making my way to the door. 

“Of course! No problem, please come by again. I liked talking to you too and I’d love you to properly meet Paul.” 

We walked out just as Jacob and Paul emerged from the trees, but as soon as Paul made eye contact with me, that same flip happened in my gut again before he took off running back into the woods. Guess that answers my question on if he’s mad at me.